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the-self-indulgent-corner · 6 months ago

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Genshin Characters x a reader with adhd (part two!)

Summary: Your adhd may be strange, but you're convinced your (boy/girl) friend is stranger despite that.

Or, how the genshin characters react to a reader with ADHD. (Ft some lesser known aspects of ADHD)

Featuring: Hu Tao, Collei, Cyno. Can be read as romantic or platonic (except for Collei, I wrote hers only platonically)

A/n: Hey it's me again after *checks notes* about nine months. Whoops.

I don't have any crazy stories I just lost inspiration. Truth be told I had 2/3 of this already written out mostly but lost inspo and also time so it was kinda left in the drafts for a while. And I only finished writing it today with minimal proofreading so if there's mistakes no there isn't-

Anyways, you don't need to read part one to understand this, but as I said before I do use some more less known features of adhd in these hcs so i'm putting a general index of what they mean here. It's not a perfect summary but it'll give you a general idea of what it means.

And disclaimer! While I do have adhd, not everyone's adhd is the same. So what's common for me might be super uncommon for other folks with adhd and vise versa. So don't take this index or hcs as verbatim and do your own research if you don't know about something!

Index:

Executive dysfunction/ADHD paralysis: Wanting to do your job/work, but it feels like you’re physically unable to.

Food sensory issues/selective eating habits: A lot of people with ADHD are ‘picky eaters’ and refuse to eat certain foods even if it's good for them. Usually we pick foods with high sugar since it causes a ‘dopamine surge’.

Auditory processing disorder (APD): Having difficulty making out what someone is saying or processing what someone said too slowly.

Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Being much more sensitive to rejection or perceived rejection.

Verbal stim: Exactly the same as other stims (Like bouncing your leg or clicking a pen) but just with words. Usually being a certain phrase, sentence or singing, although any vocalization can be a verbal stim.

Time blindness: Becoming so engrossed in something that many hours can pass when it felt like a much shorter amount of time.

Intrusive thoughts: unwanted disturbing thoughts and ideas that come to mind randomly. Can either be mildly unnerving to totally distressing.

Now with that word vomit out of the way, onto the hcs!

Hu Tao

Y'all can't tell me this girl also doesn't have ADHD.

Once you tell Hu Tao about your ADHD she'll go "ayo that sounding kinda familiar 🤨"

Whether or not she has ADHD is up to the court to decide but NONETHELESS Hu Tao can absolutely relate to at least a few of these.

Impulsive? Check. Stimming? Check. Time blindness? Check.

(Society not liking how you act? Check. /J)

If Hu Tao hasn't already latched onto some of your stims she definitely will after you tell her, even if she doesn't realize it right away LOL

You also steal some of hers <3 like her idle animation with the hillichurl song?? Yeah that.

You two don't even notice it until someone (probably Zhongli) points it out.

The amount of times you two impulsively went out is kinda impressive tbh. Either one of you will be like 'hey are you busy?' And if the other says no they're dragged off somewhere LMAO

You two always have fun though

She’s good at helping you out but her ways are kinda unorthodox

If your executive dysfunction or smthn is acting up girl will literally just. Pick you up and bring you where you need to.

“What? You need help getting somewhere and I can help! Besides, you said having others around helps you work, right?”

Stop being right about this Hu Tao how dare you /j

Really tho girl can and will just. Pick you up to get you to do something/go somewhere LMAO. Only stops if you get genuinely upset by it.

And while she’s good at helping you she’s also a bit 50/50 on what she does help you with.

If it's actively hurting you in some way she'd absolutely stop it, but if it's a bit more hehe silly goofy she'd prob just do it with you

Don't like this texture of food? Yeah her neither, let's get something else. Found something shiny and now you're distracted? She's looking at the shiny thing with you.

If you mask/Your ADHD isn't very obvious people would view you as the one who keeps Hu Tao in check which, depending on what kind of person you are, could be true but it's much better imo if you both are equally as strange

Stranger: Oh, you'll keep Hu Tao in check, right?

You, about to do the same thing as her: Yeah of course!

Tbf even if you did try to keep everything in line Hu Tao has a way to always convince you to do it her/another way instead. She knows how to trick you.

You fall for it each time 😔

"Wait. We aren't supposed to be here! We have to go to-"

"Too late! We're already here! May as well have fun!!"

If you're playful like her you two love to tease each other all the time. The amount of inside jokes y'all have is insane

As long as you're fine with it you two try to one up embarrassing each other in other people's presence LMAO

"Hey, 'Tao, remember that one time when you-"

"If you're talking about the knuckleback incident then it's not even half as embarrassing as that time you-"

This can go on for days.

You two have a relationship not many understand but it doesn't really bother either of you. As long as you're both happy you couldn't care less.

You two are little freaks of society /lh

Although, if you're also a bit of a troublemaker like Hu Tao, y'all turn into team rocket. Prepare for trouble and make it double fr

"Hey, y/n! You'll never guess what I just found!"

"Whatever it is, it better have the ability to mess with someone."

"It does!"

"Perfect."

The people of Liyue often wonder how you two have that much energy.

Hu Tao is a pretty good listener and loves to hear whatever you want to talk/rant about.

Probably the best person out of this list to rant about your hyper fixation to because girl will match your energy even if she doesn't care/knows nothing about it. If it's important to you, it's important to her!

You'd be stimming happily talking about it and she'd be doing the same; not to mock you but because if you're excited she's excited too and also needs to let out that energy

Even if you're talking at 2x speed, she somehow keeps up with all of it.

She also likes when you space out because it becomes 10x easier to scare you back into reality. She can’t help herself. What can she say?

“Boo~!”

“Ah! Hu Tao!? Why!”

“You were spacing out! Cmon, we can find something better to do besides staring at a wall all day.”

“... Who do you want to prank?”

“I'm so glad you asked!”

You're preoccupied for the rest of the day.

Collei

You 🤝 Collei

BEING NEURODUVERGENT/HAVING A MENTAL DISABILITY

Even though ADHD and PTSD are nothing alike, girlie is still so happy she's found a kindred soul who personally understands (at least some of) what she has to deal with that many others don't.

I'ma be real with you tho I don't think Collei really knew what ADHD was before she met you lmao

I feel like at most she's heard the term but not much beyond that. With that said though I don't think she'd have any preconceived notions on what ADHD entails, she's prob the easiest to explain your disability to honestly.

She also hears you explain some symptoms and is like ‘hey wait… Some of this sounds familiar to me!'

She actually confides in you quite a bit because of this. usually about her the lesser known aspects of her PTSD. It's usually the parts she feels bad about telling Tighnari, things like intrusive thoughts.

She probably thought she was a terrible person for thinking that, unaware that intrusive thoughts are, well, intrusive. Once she tells you about them you tell her about yours as well and probably have to explain that it doesn't make her a bad person.

Although a good bit of you and her talking about your guys mental disabilities is just that spider man pointing meme since quite a few things overlap LMAO

“Oh! So you say some things repetitively, too? I thought only I did that!”

“Yeah! I have a lot of vocal stims, honestly. Like one where I- Uh… you good, Collei? You look kind of confused.”

“Vocal stims…?”

Despite relating to quite a few things and already knowing she has a mental disability she's completely in the dark about more nuanced things than the standard. You'll have to teach her some things about it 😭

Although some things she's a bit lost on, she's got the spirit!

She can be a bit awkward about the things she doesn't relate to, though. She doesn't mean to be! But this is uncharted territory for her, and she's not quite sure what to say at times. After that initial phase of uncertainty though she sees it's not as scary/intimidating as it sounds on paper.

For example you'll tell her of your executive dysfunction and she'll get so nervous and absolutely blow out of proportion how bad it is/looks but when she once catches you just laying around while you were meant to/want to work she's like ‘oh, that's not as bad as I thought.’

She definitely tries to help you if you need it though. If you had food sensitivity issues she would prob try to make foods you dislike taste better.

(Even if it failed you appreciate the attempt she made.)

You also teach her how to manage some of her own habits as well by sharing your own tricks.

Some work perfectly and she's forever grateful you told her about it, but others completely flop.

(Even for those that don't work, she also appreciates that you tried.)

Sometimes though, she's completely flabbergasted by your antics lmao.

She’ll see you working on something new and asks you about it, to which you respond in 2x speed about how you went down a rabbit hole these past few days and now are trying to learn a completely new skill from scratch and she lost you after your second sentence.

“Okay so basically a couple of days ago I saw this person who was making some pottery and I thought about how cool that was, so I looked into it and-”

“Wh-what…?”

Girlie means the best but she's so confused 😭 by the end of your tangent she's giving hesitant encouragement because while she has no clue what you're doing or why you seem to be having fun at least.

But honestly Collei worries about you sometimes, but that's more because she's anxious and even if she's been around you for years can probably never fully get used to your antics lmao.

She's worried that others will see you as weird since at times you can be so unapologetic with your ADHD and worries you won't fit in.

She's too sweet.

You always reassure her that even if that did happen, you wouldn't want to be friends with people who think you being yourself was weird or a bad thing.

If you keep this up you're going to completely rewire Collei’s brain.

You probably inspire Collei quite a bit. She's a shy person so seeing you so open with your disability (and helping Collei with hers as well) makes her look up to you a little. She thinks it's so cool you can be so upfront and honest about it without really worrying about what others think of it.

At some point, Tighnari pulls you aside and thanks you for being her friend. You helped her by just being someone who can relate to and understand her in some way, something that he can't do. Showing her that no, she isn't less than just because of a disability.

Congrats you officially joined the family.

“Ah, y/n! There you are! I um, have been meaning to give this to you… it's a plush of that character you like a lot! You've helped me a lot so I… wanted to give this to you as thanks! I-I hope you like it!”

Cyno

Congrats Cyno for being the only one on this list to know what ADHD is besides just knowing it exists!!!!!!

Fr tho I think Cyno knows a good bit about ADHD, like how it ties into other mental disabilities, sensory issues or even things like going non verbal… but at the same time he falls for a lot of the misinformation/generalizations about it as well 💀💀💀

If you mask well, he absolutely will not be able to tell you had ADHD. Completely unaware of it LMAO. But he's trying, give him a break.

It might even take a bit longer to explain to him since you have to correct any misinformation he has about it unlike the others who come in with mostly a blank slate.

Like, no Cyno, not everyone is super hyper. No, not everyone is unable to sit still. No, some of us can mask. No, we aren't all connected to the ground itself- where'd you even hear that from!?

He grasps onto it pretty quickly though, and he remembers everything you say about it. And by extension, how it affects you specifically.

“You shouldn't buy that.”

“?? Why?”

“It has that material you dislike the texture of in it.”

“Oh shit I didn't notice-”

Tbh Cyno is probably one of the best people to help with your ADHD since he's so observant. He’ll recognize when you're about to hit your sensory limit, remind you to do things you forget, and even helps you when your executive dysfunction is acting up.

Although Cyno isn't perfect at everything and… honestly, you'll probably lose him at a couple parts.

He doesn't mean to be rude or anything, but some parts he just genuinely does not get.

That doesn't mean he doesn't respect them or anything, but like when he hears you talk about verbal stims he’ll both think ‘huh that's kinda weird how they have certain vocalizations they like to say I don't think I've heard of that before’ and ‘it's cool they feel safe enough around me to tell me that I wonder what their vocal stims are’ simultaneously.

Mans doesn't fully understand why you do some of the things you do (and tbf you don't either) but he also doesn't care as long as you're happy.

And while he's a great help, you can't forget that this is Cyno. Since he's helping you so much you know there's only one way to pay him back…

It's time to d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!!

That's right he forces you to play tcg with him LMAO.

He doesn't really care if you've never played before or not, he will lend you his cards and teach you right then and there if he must.

And if he gets you hooked on it? (or you already are hooked on it) Oh boy-

You two could battle each other for hours, you both probably have before. Cyno is so happy to have someone who likes the game as much as he does tbh. Even if you're not a pro, he still enjoys the battles.

And if you are a pro, then you may just confuse everyone else around you with your in depth conversations about the most optional strategies and best support cards.

But if you're not talking about and/or playing TCG, he'd love to hear about your current hyperfixations. He can keep up with you if you talk at 2x speed so don't be afraid to go crazy with it lmao.

He’ll listen attentively and even ask questions about it every now and then, but he tends to keep quiet when you talk about your own interests. Content to just listen to you ramble on and on.

However with all this new information about your hyperfixation you've given him you accidentally made a monster. Because now that he knows how it works/what it's about, Cyno is going to make bad dad jokes about it and you can't stop him.

When he sees you again he'll tell you his new greatest joke about your hyperfixation.

“So you remember when you info dumped about that book series to me yesterday?”

“Yeah? Why?”

“*Pulls out a written list* okay so I've got some new jokes about it and-”

Please he's SUCH a dork. Laugh at them he’ll be so happy about it.

He’ll be even more happy if you make your own jokes/add onto his. You literally just made this mans whole month with that.

Cyno may even repeat these jokes to others if your hyperfixation is something well known.

Cyno will also probably find himself repeating some of your own stims (verbal and non verbal) too. Generally he only does your quiet/silent ones, (quiet humming, tapping a pen, clenching and unclenching his fists, etc…)

I like to think that once or twice he repeated one of your more bizarre vocal stims and then just. Didn't elaborate.

He probably won't even notice himself doing it until someone else points it out. He doesn't mind it though, just probably was surprised he did it at all lol.

At first Cyno would probably see your ADHD antics as strange (and to an extent, he still kinda does lol) but takes it in stride. As said before he's of the mindset of ‘as long as they're happy and not hurting anyone I don't mind.’

After a while though it definitely grew on him lmao. Now he actively initiates conversations about it to better understand you and your adhd.

If you ever feel upset about your ADHD he's kinda shocked because you probably never mentioned it before. Def the type to listen to your worries and calmly yet rationally tell you how that's actually not as bad as you think it is. Besides, you have like a thousand other redeeming qualities, so what if you can't always pay attention? Who else is Cyno going to duel with on a random Saturday afternoon?

… Yet even after learning all this about ADHD, he's still going to come to you asking weird questions.

“Y/n, is it true that people with ADHD like shiny things?”

“Cyno, that's every human.”

“Oh.”

He tries his best, okay?

Ending note: Annnnnd that's a wrap! Sorry if this one is shorter/less detailed than the last one but i'm tired. However if I don't do this now I probably won't post it later because of a lack of confidence oof. Anyways thanks for reading this far and I hope you liked it!

Also what characters do u think I should do next if any?

#genshin x adhd reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #hu tao x reader #collei x reader #cyno x reader #adhd reader #genshin adhd reader

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floofanflurr · 5 months ago

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Thoughts on Asgore? Just curious since a lotta people are divided on "divorced haha man" and "mass murderer"

Ohohoho this is very much a slippery slope for me! And a topic I have many opinions on. Thanks for the ask!

Please note for anyone that does not have the energy to read something like this, that this is overall, a critical piece of Asgore. (though not shamelessly bashing him.)

I'm prefacing this to anyone reading - I am not looking to fight, and I will not engage in any arguments around this. I don't have the energy to engage like that. I will delete/block any comments looking to start an argument and move on.

So here's my character analysis of Asgore under the cut, and my personal feelings about goat dad.

Asgore and his incomplete character arc, and why he honestly kind of got shafted:

I think Asgore is an interesting character, but I just... really struggle to like him.

"But Floo!" you may say "Why do you like Undyne, and the other monsters that killed/hurt Frisk/the other kids but not Asgore? Why is he different?"

I debated on that long and hard myself for a while. Why does Asgore rub me the wrong way when Undyne doesn't? Could it be because he is the reason everyone else is doing what they are, because he ordered it? But no, that didn't feel quite right.

And then I realized that it's because Asgore never truly grew as a person. There are some fics out there that I've read where I really do like Asgore. He's a fuzzy goat dad, and I just adore him! But when I examined the differences between those fics and canon, that's when it really stood out to me about WHY I don't like him in canon.

Every other character in the game gets growth that was (while caused by your/frisk's actions) still decided on by themselves. Let's go in order of the decisions these characters made that showcased their growth (in a pacifist run)-

Toriel - She, after having been given suitable time to ruminate, realizes that what she is doing will not work and tears herself out of her isolation to go after the last child and protect them. Her passivity wasn't saving anyone, so she changes herself, grows, and goes to protect them. (it's late, but it DOES happen)

Papyrus - I think the place he really shines in a pacifist/neutral run is when he beats Frisk 3 times and lets them go, but his character arc is all the same, anyway, even if you do beat him. Namely, that he lets them go. He could keep going, he could keep fighting, but he realizes that his want for friends and fame wasn't worth hurting someone. (even if that's not directly how he phrases it.)

Even if you outlast him and beat him the traditional way, he still decides to use his last special attack instead of fighting you until you're down. It's pretty clear he could have kept going if he wanted to.

Undyne - She, like Papyrus (and almost every other monster) has the character growth of letting Frisk go. A decision she actively makes. When Frisk saves her in hotland, pouring water over her head, she could have continued on with the chase, and kept going. But she didn't - she was honorable and conceded her defeat.

Mettaton - Same song and dance as Papyrus and Undyne (I love this character growth, and that's not to diminish ANYONES. They all have different flavors and motivations for going after Frisk that need confronted, even if the action is similar.) But he lets frisk go and realizes that the people underground need him more than anyone above ground. And also learns to touch base with his family a bit more, and value his friends/family more.

Alphys - Alphys decides to confront her crimes and reveal herself! There's still a bit of external pressure here (the "I KNOW WHAT YOU DID" note from Flowey) but still, she didn't have to come clean. But despite everything, she did, and she faced her wrongdoings and also told the people she loved.

Flowey - Do I need to explain this one? There's so many character essays on him (and Alphys tbh LMAO) Long story short, he learns to move on and let go. (and also broke the barrier and released the souls)

So now we move to the crux of the issue. Asgore.

He had a HELL of a character arc building up! So many flaws and bad decisions! We know he's kind, and a pushover, but also responsible for all of this hurt and death of children. (Yes, he had reasons, but that doesn't change his actions.) To be honest, it's the kind of character arc I love. Someone who has caused harm, learning to grow and be a better person. (Cough cough, Heart on the Table, cough cough)

...But he never actually got to the "better person" part.

We know monsters in Undertale are flawed. It's why it's such a great game! So many characters have done so much bad, but! The core of the game is that anyone can be a good person if they try! Look at all these people learning and growing, and being better people than they were before!

But the true pacifist ending kinda shafted Asgore, to be honest. He's a coward, and he never really has to face what he's done. He never decides to just... stop. To face his crimes and the world he's shaped around him.

If he had, independently of others, decided to spare Frisk, that would be one thing. But he didn't - it wasn't until Toriel showed up, and then all of Frisk's friends that he stopped.

Asgore's core conflict was that he was doing something he hated and he knew was bad, but he couldn't stop because how would everyone else react? His people needed him to do this bad thing.

A completed character arc for him, from a story telling perspective, would have had him stop what he was doing, while still under the impression that this would be a hard decision, and that everyone would hate him for it.

(A bed he made for himself! Through his action and inaction, he stoked monsterkind's hatred for humanity back up. There is a much larger discussion to be had around this topic, also how Chara was treated by him and monster kind (also his hand in Chara and Asriel's death) and many more factors. I am aware this is a highly debated topic, and I don't have the energy to fight it, so I will leave it at that.)

Regardless on if you agree if that would be a good or bad decision on his part, that would have been character growth - basically, Asgore having to face all of the accumulation of his cowardice and actions.

But he didn't. He didn't back down until he was basically told "hey yeah, so we all like this kid so you don't have to kill them."

He never wanted to kill them! That was never the issue! The issue was that he was willing to kill them anyway. And if Frisk's friends and his ex wife hadn't shown up and said "hey so we actually DONT want you to kill this kid" he would have! He was willing to kill a child because other people wanted him to, and we never get to see him overcome that hurdle of not killing a child despite other people wanting him to.

We can talk about the potential ending where he offers Frisk his soul, but even then, he still never actually confronts his actions. He's still unwilling to face all of the people he's harmed. (and YES allowing and ENCOURAGING his citizens to murder children is harming them, too. Especially because monsters don't see humans as people. (another essay I don't have time to get into right now, but is based on canon fact))

So... Yeah. I think Asgore has a lot of wonderful conflict baked into him, which is something I love in a character. He's torn, and a coward, and a father, and a broken ruler and king who is doing what he thinks his people want. But it's frustrating to me because he never got the character arc he deserved, and never got the chance to grow into a better person like everyone else in Undertale gets.

I do actually enjoy writing about him... and drawing him too on occasion! (though he's hard to draw) and ASGORE and Bergentrückung are actually my favorite songs in the soundtrack since they are filled with so much emotion. He really is a delightfully conflicted character and that conflict and hurt and pain in a character is addicting to me.

If he had a resolved character arc in game... well, to be honest, he'd probably be my favorite character??? Like, maybe even more than Papyrus (before the hyperfixation took hold, of course. That's a beast you can't reason with.)

But alas, it is what it is, and Asgore never grew. He's stuck being the same monster he was from the very beginning.

Thanks again for the ask and sorry you got a whole ass essay in response lol! I have many feelings about this game and the characters in it, Asgore included.

(Also, to anyone reading, I am aware what I have stated is simply my opinion, and many people have different ones. My opinion has no more value than any other persons.)

Another disclaimer - I love Undertale, and all of it's characters and everything that went into it, and while there are things that I feel about Asgore's character arc, I love and appreciate the way the game played out in actuality, and I wouldn't change a thing about it. Toby wrote a masterpiece, and is not only allowed, but should write characters the way he wants to. Who cares if it's not textbook?

Have a cookie for making it this far:

🍪

(I was gonna drop an Asgore sketch but HOLY HECK it was not cooperating.)

#asks #undertale #undertale analysis #asgore #asgore dreemurr #undertale character essay #fun fact... i like deltarune asgore #i don't have a lot of strong feelings about him in that game #but overall DR asgore has a soft spot in my heart #a funny contrast #(assuming it's not gonna come out that he's a child murderer in that world too)

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cringelordofchaos · 5 months ago

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things to live for

having fun and enjoying my time with my friends and family

the feeling of drinking fresh water

the feeling of cozying up and resting after a nice healthy active day

listening to old music and discovering new pieces and songs

so i can assure no one has access to my google search history or Tumblr

to reread amazing webcomics and discover new ones

to discover new feelings and places

to swim

to laugh and joke with loved ones

to have the potential for a greater life

to draw, create

so I can get to play TES VI

the feeling of reading a book I actually like

so I can see how my favorite ongoing shows and series and comics end

to make an impact on the world and try to push towards a goal to achieve fixing the damage caused by our kin

so I can experience all kinds of love and meet new people and gain new experiences

so I can become stronger and faster than my older sibling lmao

so I can get to sense the sweet fresh smell of fresh air and flowers and more

so I can take over the beekeeping business when I grow up

so I can heal

even though I feel so numb there IS hope for me there is hope for me there is hope for me

so i can scare the shit out of my schools psychologist

so I may see a better future and indulge in it's development

so I may have children or grandchildren, human or not

So I can get better at playing the flute

So I can grow more confident and strong and kinder

so I can get better at art

more to add

#sorry i just had a really really dark thought i needed to make this for myself #to remember

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everythingrevealedpod · 10 months ago

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hullo!

Ive just listened to the latest ep of the pod, it was wonderful!! Halla's point on how parasocialiaty is defined by what it lacks, to be very insightful , ive always had a slight issue with how parasocial relationships r discussed in scholarship and the rapidly changing nature of media does not help.

when u guys were talking about how different artists develop different styles of parasocial relationships with their fans, like how the nature of a harries relationship with harry styles is in a way different from the parasocial relationship we have with matty or the relationships swifties have with taylor. And how artist actively foster these relationships so in a way they are a two-way street (please lmk if I'm misunderstanding ur points, cause I'm listening to the pod at work so I may miss some key info),

Anyway, this reminded me of a convo I had with a prof of mine, we were talking about the narrative and meta-narratives that artists (specifically singer-songwriters) present to the public (cause all famous people r presenting a narrative that's y they're famous)

I think this narrative/ meta-narrative really affects the establishment and nature of the artist/ audience parasocial relationship. I think that for an artist to be "stan-able" they must present a meta-narrative, so there is,, something MORE for the fans to know about them. For example, Ed Sheeran and Coldplay have huge fanbases and can play arenas but don't really have stans because they only present a narrative (i.e. the music/ album). Whereas artists like Harry styles and most kpop groups actively foster a parasocial relationship by presenting a narrative (i.e. the music/ album) then a meta-narrative, for harry this would be his vague allusions to queerness, for kpop groups this would be the slow reveal of their real personalities (cause a lot of kpop groups r given explicit "roles" by their management like "the cool one" "the childish one" "the leader" etc). This meta-narrative allows for dedicated fans to "know" the artist better than fan who "just" listen to the songs. Personally, i think matty presents a third kind of "post-meta- narrative" so his narrative is the album then his meta-narrative is the onstage/in-interview performance art then his post-meta-narrative is his reflection on the performance art. I think the main difference between artists who have a meta-narrative and artists who have a post-meta-narrative is that we don't know what harry styles the person thinks about "harry styles" the performance, whereas id argue that we know what matty the person thinks about "matty healy" the performance.

I dont have a super cohesive point to end on but I do think that matty presenting a post-meta-narrative gets lost in translation when the 1975 gets exposed to wider audiences (like the swiftes) who take the red-pilled, toxic masculinity, meta-narrative Matty presents, as the end all be all.

anyways, i LOVE the pod, i hope yall keep it up and have fun doing it!!!

first off OMG HI IM JUST SEEING THIS SORRY IF YOU SENT IT A WHILE BACK! It’s Halla btw lmao. seconddddd, okay that’s a very good point you’re making about Stan-able celebrities, so to speak. Because, as we were talking, in the back of my head, I was thinking about my second favorite artist, Father John Misty, whose music is lowkey similar to the 1975 in a lot of ways. And it’s definitely shaped me as a person a lot. He’s been my top artist on Spotify wrapped stats for years. HOWEVERRR, I don’t have the same relationship to him/ his art as Matty and the 1975. I think it’s precisely because of the meta-narrative that you’re pointing to!

perhaps that’s part of what Matty has in mind when he says “feeling personally addressed.” Even little things like referencing their own earlier discography or tongue-in-cheek jokes about lyrics. “You can’t figure out a heart you were lyin’” “it’s just like I’ve lost my head.” Not to mention Notes tracks that have samples of ABIIOR in the back/ signaling the end of Music For Cars era etc. all of those things feel like building a narrative that the fan can participate in, and is likely to make you more immersed in the music and the artist. So yeah 100% I think this is a really great thought and if you don’t mind us referencing it on the next ep (it’s gonna be a part 2 of this conversation but more centered around consumerism in fan culture) I’d love to bring it up with Zoe!

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aliasrocket · 1 year ago

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What kind of music do you think rocket would like? We know he likes a lot of quills songs, but can you see him gravitating towards a certain type of music? One of my favorite rocketisms in the movies is his love for music and him singing along to songs (: sorry if this has been asked before !

No no worries!! I love song related qns!

I’m not sure if Quill listens to country pop but it seems Rocket does, as observed in vol 2 when he hums to southern nights (a song I grew to LOVE bc of him btw)

Since Rocket listens to ‘Creep’ and actively sings along to the chorus I feel like he does like songs based on how much it relates to him as well so …

I’m gonna split up songs based on the vibe of Rocket’s music taste and then I’ll get into songs that I think relate to him but also fit the vibe but a little less, I suppose.

First up : Rocket’s music taste.

He’d also definitely be into Arctic Monkeys and some of you may laugh, Harry Styles. I said it. Definitely would dig Queen and The Sukis and some of Mitski’s songs.

Specific songs I feel are up his alley are

Arabella — Arctic Monkeys.

Kiwi — Harry Styles.

Bohemian Rhapsody — Queen.

Animo — The Sukis.

A Pearl. — Mitski.

I could go on but these are some specific songs from each band or artist I suggested, lmk if you’d like more recs bc I find a lot of their songs relate to Rocket as well/have the same vibe with Rocket’s music taste.

Second up : Relatability.

I feel like he would really like Will Wood, especially ‘love me normally’ because of the lines,

“I’d rather be normal, yes so normal, I suggest that we keep this informal, ‘cause a normal human being wouldn’t need to be pretend to be normal, to be normal, well I guess that’s the least that I owe ya, to be normal in way I couldn’t be, c’mon c’mon and love me, normally.”

OH AND PENELOPE SCOTT he’d find penelope scott’s music super cool too, thinking about the song ‘Rät’ and how it sorta relates back to his relationship with H.E ;

“I come from scientists and atheists and white men who kill god, they make technology high quality, complex, physiological, experiments and sacrilege in the name of public good”

“They taught me everything just like a daddy should.”

“I studied code because I wanted to do something great lke you.”

“I loved you, I loved you, I loved you it’s true. I wanted to be you and do what you do. I lived here, loved here I bought it’s was true I’m so embarrassed, I feel abused.”

I have a lot more but I don’t wanna ramble on for too long so lmk if you guys want more lmao I love talking about songs!!

#rocket raccoon #guardians of the galaxy #gotg #rocket gotg #gotg vol 3 #ask response #ask reply #gotg fanfiction #gotg headcanons #mcu gotg #anon ask #anon asks #.alias.inbox.#.alias.tunes.

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cowgyaru · 1 year ago

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OFMD HEADCANONS

roblox edition

Note : where tf are the OFMD fics?? Also these may be OOC but i’m just having fun :)

— Starting off strong, Ed plays most when stede is online.

— Stede DEFINITELY has a adopt me streak. He literally has voices for the pets and y’all ain’t telling me other wise.

— Swede definitely got bullied out of games (the one who bullied him was calico jack in his grave)

— Frenchie has voice chat and has rap battles with little ass kids.

— Like frenchie has the worst luck cause he always raps first. He’s talking all this shit then all of a sudden it’s a 5 year old singing it’s abc’s

— Meanwhile wee john is like “let’s go roomie !!”

— Buttons is a Roblox myth 😭😭 he’s not even aware he just stands there and someone made him a myth

— lucuis plays fashion famous, and has the most friends. His ass is ACTIVE (he secretly plays roblox while at work)

— Izzy has a account but doesn’t play that much.

— Roach is always in those little “MAKE A RESTAURANT” tycoons and simulators 😭 he’s making slurping noises when eating the food and criticizing it, wearing those chef hats, firing his employees, HES NOT PLAYING !!!!

— Jim is at those little clubs. THEY DEFINITELY REQUESTED A FEW SONGS

— Oluwande is playing everything. HES TO EXCITED LIKE 😭😭

that’s all i could think off lmao

#ofmd x reader #ofmd headcanon #ofmd #our flag means death #headcanon

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lunar-years · 11 months ago

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is there any flavor of TS criticism that DOESNT piss you off? like her neglecting to speak out against palestine, her private jet use, etc? no hate btw, I just feel like your prev post was really well thought out and made sense, so I just was wondering your opinion on criticism against her in general.

hi! Yeah, there is plenty of Taylor criticism that doesn't piss me off! stuff like the jet use, not speaking up about Palestine, not being more politically outspoken in general (especially taken in contrast to the activism she professed in Miss Americana, lol), the questionable people she's associated with (on a deeper level than taking a picture with them or being surface-level cordial, I'm talking like...dating the disgusting likes of ratty heely and some such, here).

For me, that type of criticism is based on where people draw their own personal moral boundaries and what they expect out of the celebrities they enjoy or the art they consume. If someone's hard line is Taylor not speaking out on xyz issue or her taking unnecessary flights and causing harm to the environment, I can completely understand and respect that! It's an individual choice and it’s fair game to have differing opinions on where that line is.

For me personally, I guess I just don't expect my favorite singers to also be my favorite activists, and I don't look to celebrities to be my political mouthpiece or tell me how to vote or what have you. We have politicians and actual activists for that. Quite frankly, I think a lot of people with platforms ought to step back from the incessant urge and demand to comment on everything happening everywhere, because it leads to a lot of people offering up a lot of thoughts and opinions (and rampant misinformation) about issues they really haven't got the first clue about or may not fully understand.

Do I think Taylor could (and should) do better in some areas? Absolutely! I think it would be great if she spoke up more, but I also want her to be informed before she does. At the same time, I like to think I mostly recognize she's a human being and human beings are hypocritical and imperfect on occasion. She is going to make mistakes. In the end, I can still feel that she is a good person, and that is okay. But if someone else's hardline is different than mine, that's also okay!

I am also under absolutely zero illusions that Taylor, in addition to doing a lot of good, is also an extraordinarily rich white woman with a lot of privilege, who is going to at times behave in a very out-of-touch, rich white person with a lot of privilege type of way. I don't expect her to represent me. Hell, she is paying more right now to stay two nights in a Sydney hotel room than I make in an entire year. I'm here because I think she writes cool songs lmao. Idk.

Lastly, obviously I am a fan who is biased in that sense. I'm not going to pretend I don't find criticism of any kind much more palatable when it comes from fans, to fans. If it's swifties talking on tumblr i am always up for dissenting opinions and discussion about pretty much any issue (as a goofy example, in terms of the "taylor swift writes immature music" comment, I couldn't give a single shit if a fan comes on here and posts about how they think ME! is an immature stupid song. It's a lot different when it's fans voicing opinions they recognize as just that, an opinion.)

When you get outside the fan community, it gets dicey, because people lob valid Taylor criticism around losey-goosey to mask the fact that they actually hated her to begin with and are grasping at the first thing in sight to get other people to hate her, too. It's very...transparent at times. Like, the people who incessantly complain about her jet usage whilst not talking about other celebrities who do the exact same shit, let alone the massive corporations systematically killing our planet, or who blatantly ignore things like the fact Taylor has actually cut down her jet usage substantially in the last year. They just pretend to care when it can knock the celebrity they already hate down a peg amongst twitter users, lmao.

Criticism is fine. I don't worship her! I just think, there's valid criticism and there isn't, you know?

#ts #asks #i hope this makes sense maybe i'm just rambling

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reblog-house · 2 years ago

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Get to Know Me Better

Tag 9 however many people you want to get to know better.

Tagged by @cassandralie !

Three ships:

Ineffable Husbands

And the next ones are hard, since that's like. The only ship I actively read fics of now. In previous fandoms, I always had like a handful of fics to fall back on, but now...

I do like Anathema and Newt though.

... Okay, hear me out. This is where the ship dilemma I mentioned comes in. Wait actually no, i haven't mentioned it yet. I mean i have, but in the next question. I'm jumping from point to point. But anyway, the ship dilemma is the following: what even COUNTS as a ship? Because I really like this non-GO "pairing" but not romantically. In a more "they're meant for each other whether they like it or not — and they don't. They're doomed to be put in awful funny situations and make a fucking mess and blame the other and they're great friends! but also enemies" way. Honestly, the thing stopping me is that they're mcytbers lmao. Except they're not, since I couldn't care less about them irl. It's just the characters they play that make me go *chef's kiss*. If you guessed Grian and Scar. Yeah. Not Hermitcraft though. The Life series. They make each other miserable whenever they're paired up and it's hilarious. Wouldn't read a fic though.

First ship ever:

Oh this is awfully hard. You have no idea how hard this is. I don't know how to even define ship here (as you can see, this is the ship dilemma actually mentioned before). Cause I liked Pucca and Garu, but I also acknowledged Woody and Buzz, I also liked Anastasia and the baker, and I may have imagined something about Coop and Mr Kat (not even enemies to lovers, just a specific situation i can still remember to this day — and I'll just note down that Mr Kat is an alien who looks like a cat, Not a cat), etc etc. It's really fucking hard to say only one. But if i focus on me Aware of shipping... Fuck, probably some creepypasta ship. Jane and Jeff? I didn't know she was a lesbian back then. But i may still be off by a long shot.

Last song:

Never Love an Anchor by The Crane Wives! Aziraphale my beloved.

Last movie:

20,000 Species of Bees. It was very good. And ouch. It's about an 8 y.o. trans girl figuring herself out and oof. If you don't like open endings, don't watch it. It was 2h long and honestly? I realized it was long while watching it, but not that long!

Currently reading:

I had actually meant to re-read Good Omens today, but didn't take my book with me. But i didn't, so nothing? But the last thing I read was Boethius' On the Consolation of Philosophy and I have to re-read some passages for a project so... I'll count that.

Currently consuming:

Air, barely (mask in a bus — not much air to consume (I SWEAR THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I'VE WRITTEN THAT SENTENCE WHAT THE HELL. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'VE WRITTEN THAT PHRASE BEFORE)). Unless this is a general "consuming", in which case, I'm listening to the song i mentioned before (that was my last listened song before i saw this, and it made me want to listen to it again. But now the song just switched (and now nothing again, woops)).

Currently craving:

Honestly, literally any food whatsoever. I'm hungry and i won't be home for at least another hour and a half. (An hour, now. Like I said, jumping around from point to point)

Anyway. I don't really know who else to tag?

So uh. Hm.

I. Did not mean for this to be as long as it was. I can't help but ramble, as you might've seen right there.

#carime rambles #see? even my regular tag for own posts acknowledges it!#tag game

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chiosblog · 5 months ago

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Per l'ask game :D

5, 12, 19, 30 e 38

Grazie per l'ask!💛

5 - what made you start your blog?

I started like 3 blogs but all of them to post my drawings lol (this one is the only one still active)

I spent a lot of time as a teen watching people interact online so I wanted a piece of that

12 - whats some good advice you want to share?

Oof I'm not in a position to give people advices on life lol (experience vary so much that what i say may sound gibberish)

But I've learned a few art related things.

Never rely too much on other people art style to create a following.

I mean, I spent a good chuck of time mimicking and copying other people styles and that helped me a lot in learning to draw. Then it helped me creating a lil following, but after some time it all felt empty and kinda useless, it was like the only thing that mattered was gaining the attention of a few people who didnt really care other than a quick like (thanks twitter). I lost any interest in doing any drawing outside what I needed not loose that following.

When I started working outisde big fandoms I found what I see as my style, my own way of drawing, and I had back my genuine desire to create art in any form.

I know it is kinda personal so i dont know how many people had this kind of issue.

19 - favorite thing about the day?

When I come home after spending all day out, closing the door of my room just to watch pics of my silly men and chat with the best people in my life

At least till someone come banging at the door to make me do something i dont wanna do. That's why i love sundays so much. It's the designed day (i decided so) I won't keep up with anyone's shit. Just yesterday I had some guests home but they did not see my face all day cause they picked the wrong day to come by lmao

30 - what's one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

I know it sound boringly obvious but my obsessions are my only happiness atm(aka The A team)

For some reason they reset all the bad stuff and put me in a completely different mood its almost scary. I can happily jump around while im thinking of them and then, just a few minutes later, have the most plain and emotionless expression when i have to interact with other people. That is a problem cause my family keep saying i look depressed when instead it actually is a really happy period for me (they are the ones that make me depressed lol)

If obsessions fails to make me feel better I have a big problem lol

38 - fave song at the moment?

I think Mona Lisa by mxmtoon is one of the cutest songs I've heard in a while.

#ask game #💛

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kiwi-smug-silvalina · 1 year ago

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2023 Tumblr Top 10

1. 1,735 notes - Jul 26 2023

@/tapakah0 everytime CAS gets updated Art by both @/tapakah0 and @/somerandomdudelmao Masterpost

2. 1,452 notes - May 12 2023

APPARENTLY STAR FRAGMENTS CAN SPAWN RIGHT NEXT TO THE FUCKING PLAYER ANS U CAN CATCH IY WHILE ITS FALLING HOLY SHIT THE...

3. 1,255 notes - Nov 16 2023

I SWEAR I AM SO NORMAL I CAN BE TRUSTED WITH THINGS

4. 1,203 notes - Dec 2 2023

Thank you so much @/jj3628 i always wanted to use this part of the song in a CAS!Donnie edit but couldnt get any good ideas but...

5. 1,117 notes - Jul 29 2023

ok so the update killed me you killed me so hard that i cried and then made this edit with this audio cause your lil comic...

6. 349 notes - Sep 25 2023

So it ended huh? Well honestly I am just so happy that I found my way around to reading this comic and being so invested in it....

7. 333 notes - Aug 23 2023

Alright, this is it. My magnum opus. Its four minutes and ten seconds of holy shit i cried so much while making this. It took me...

8. 284 notes - Apr 21 2023

9. 279 notes - Aug 24 2023

I made this yesterday to pass time cause Tapa was ominous and said maybe cass update and then at 2am cass said "actually no" so...

10. 262 notes - Sep 7 2023

@/tapakah0 on her silly arc currently, had to do something with this song (also this is all her artwork!) Song is Kohmi Hirose...

@somerandomdudelmao shoutout to cass for literally being the reason why ive got such an active tumblr lmao

Thank you all for watching my edits btw!!! Yall have been insanely cool and motivating

Created by TumblrTop10

#tumblrtop10

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yandere-daze · 2 years ago

Note

a lowkey sad thought: when the player is transported to the world of the game, they are shocked and horrified to learn that their favorite characters are actively undermining each other just for their sake. a lot of people like myself got into enstars because of the character dynamics and it would be painful to see TT-TT basically, a player whose attitude to the whole situation is "i thought you guys liked each other, stop fighting:(" i think that the characters would at least pretend to be civil to one another but it would nevertheless be very tense LMAO. tho the different reactions coming from units who are together mainly bc of contracts (crazy:b, eden, etc) as opposed to more closeknit units (ra*bits, trickstar, etc) may be fun to think about - 🌻

Ooof yeah that´s a very good point! I also really like the dynamics between the characters, it´s what makes me keep reading the stories

gn reader

tw yandere, mention of death threats but in a joking way?

How do the characters react when the player is sad that they aren´t getting along with each other?

Though you´ve always had your favorite characters and loved listening to their songs, what got you interested in ensemble stars was how all of the unique characters talk to and interact with each other. It´s one of your favorite parts of the game and it´s what keeps you coming back. Whether it´s the silly arguments or the warm moments you enjoy, it´s always been the most important thing to you.

So when you somehow arrive in the world of enstars and see how everyone is acting around each other, you´re pretty shocked, to say the least. It was expected that some like Ibara and Yuzuru or Shu and Eichi wouldn’t get along, but you were quite sad when you saw just how much everyone else was arguing. And the worst part? You seemed the be the cause of all of this conflict, for some reason they all want to spend as much time with you as possible and so they´re always at each other’s throats when it comes to getting your attention.

Naturally, you´re sad and disappointed because the very reason you liked the game was how the characters interacted with each other. You thought they liked each other but now they´re constantly threatening each other for your sake?

When you first voice just how much you dislike them fighting each other, everyone pauses. I feel some might try to convince you that you actually got it all wrong and they´re just having a disagreement! Or they´re just teasing and joking around so there´s no reason to get sad!

I definitely feel like most would try to act civil while you´re with them, as they don´t want to upset you again. Everything is okay, see? You´re right when you say that some have an easier time with this than others. I don´t think Ra*bits or Ryuseitai would be vicious to each other in the first place so they hope that this might be their chance to get you to be the most comfortable with them.

Meanwhile Crazy: b, Knights, and Switch ( Natsume towards Tsumugi mainly) fighting for their lives, trying to convince you that everything is fine 💀

Kohaku and HiMERU have such a hard time trying to hold themselves back from lashing out at Rinne. Izumi is forced to keep his sharp tongue in check, at least a little bit. Natsume tries to not make any death threats toward Tsumugi for 24 hours challenge (impossible)

There are definitely varying levels of believability here skjdlbs

#yandere enstars x reader #yandere ensemble stars #yandere ensemble stars x reader #yandere enstars #ensemble stars x reader #enstars x reader #ensemble stars self aware au #yandere self aware au #yandere self aware ensemble stars au #yandere #cw yandere #yandere x reader #gn reader #🌻 anon

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funfetticandle · 2 years ago

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Tmnt reaction to fusing with the reader ——> plot || the reader and the turtle of chose are out at night on a roof date their favorite song starts playing and they start dancing with each other which leads them to fusing together || -🪱anon

hello! thanks for the request! I’m actually kind of biased whether or not I’m proud of this one, but oh well TvT I’m assuming you mean rise, so that’s what I’m going with (apologies if it wasn’t). I take that this was inspired by Steven Universe, which I haven’t watched in literal YEARS, so pardon any small mistakes lmao ;^;

Who: Rise!Tmnt x Gn! Reader

What: Going on a date night with your favourite turtle, you dance the night away… resulting in the two of you taking the phrase “dance together” a little too accurately.

When: after the events of the movie

Warnings: cursing, just basically the turtles being lovey dovey idiots (may be slightly ooc if you’re imagining it with Donnie)

Not proofread so bare with me here-

Dance The Night Away

You let out a small laugh as you felt cool hands cover your eyes, your vision now tinted green. You were chilling in your apartment, your computer open in front of you as you tried to study, but as soon as you heard his voice in your ear, the need to do homework suddenly dissipated.

“Guess who,” he joked quietly. You let out a small hum, tilting your head to the side.

“No idea..” you smiled playfully. “I’m stumped on this one.”

Letting out a chuckle, he lifted his fingers from your face, the bright light of your apartment flooding into your vision. “Come on,” he said, opening your window.

Taking his hand, you stepped out of the small living space, letting the cool air hit your face as you balanced yourself on the small balcony. You watched as he hopped up onto your roof, a grin clear on his face as he stuck his hand out for you to take once again.

Once your fingers enveloped his, he pulled you up gently, causing a startled yelp to race out your throat. “Sorry, sorry,” he whispered, continuing to guide you up the roof.

“Listen, I’m all for figuring out mysteries on my own, but I might need a little help on this one,” you said, carefully walking across the roof. “Whaddya have in store for me today?”

“You’ll see,” he replied, his grip tight on your hand as he spared an excited look back your way. Confusion filled your senses, but as he stopped walking, moving to the left so you could see what he had prepared, you gasped in delight.

A small picnic blanket was draped over the hard surface of the roof, a pizza box open on it and a small lantern placed on the corner. His phone was set down on the blanket, it’s dark screen shining. The moons soft, baby blue light bathed over it all, creating the perfect, romantic illusion.

At your silence, he felt his nerves bundle. “Sorry, do you not like it? The pizza may have gotten cold, so-”

You shushed his rambling, a shy smile on your face as you looked at him. “It’s perfect,” you said softly. “Where did you find the time to do all of this?”

He shrugged, a timid smile on his face. “Just thought you deserved it. Here, come sit,” he said, putting a hand on your back as he plopped down onto the blanket, with you following suit soon after.

Grabbing a slice, you leaned into him, snuggling your head into his plastron. “I don’t think I deserve you,” you muttered softly.

“What utter nonsense,” he replied, leaning the side of his head onto yours. The cars honked as they sped by below you two, and a crowd was bustling with activity. Their words jumbled into each other, conversation mixing with conversation. The silence spread between you and him, creating a quiet atmosphere.

You paused, hearing the faint tune of music waft its way into your ears. You looked up at him, and saw his fingers on his phone, playing your favourite playlist, dedicated just to you.

You let joy flood your features as you recognized the lyrics and rhythm of Cherry Wine by grentperez, echoing in the air. Seeing your reaction, he laughed, standing up and leaning down dramatically, one hand behind his back and the other extended out to you. “May I have this dance?” He asked, cocking his head to one side.

“You may,” you snickered, standing up and grazing your fingers with his. At that, he snatched your wrist and spun you around, an action so sudden you let out a shriek, laughing at his antics.

You two swayed along to the music, happiness evident on both of your guy’s faces, joking and cackling when one of you stepped on each others feet. At one point, you accidentally kicked his shin, in which he squawked girlishly at. This earned a loud wheeze from you, stumbling back as you held your stomach, never ending laughter pouring out of your mouth.

Looking up (big mistake), you gasped playfully as he let out a war cry, charging at you, tackling you so you landed in his arms. He squeezed you tight, chuckling as he twirled around multiple times.

Shouts and giggles from you and him mixed into each other as a sudden, almost euphoric feeling overcame the two of you, your laughter becoming faint as his echoed in your ears. A burst of light took your vision, shaking your senses as strange feelings erupted in your brain. You didn’t quite black out, no, but as you felt your body on the cold, flat roof, you began to have a theory you did.

And why did you feel so sleepy? You groggily opened your eyes, and blinked as the midnight light hit you. As you stood up, you felt even more confused. Why were you barefoot? What was happening?

Wait.

Turning to his phone, still on the mat, you picked it up and went to Camera.

You stared at your appearance.

Then, you screamed.

Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck

He stared in disbelief at what was before him.

“(Name?)” he whispered in a voice that wasn’t quite his.

“Leo?” You shrieked, in the same voice.

Oh shitttttttt

Once the temporary shock wears off, this man is stoked tbh

This is cool! He actually looks human, without a cloaking brooch!

Your guys fusion is human, with your skin colour and hair colour, but with his features and marks. They aren’t red, obviously, but they’re a darker shade of (s/c) to look more natural.

You guys struggle a fuckton while trying to get up to walk

Leo is very used to having his usual gliding stride to walk around, so it’ll kind of look like one of your guy’s leg is having a spasm for a sec lmfao

Once y’all get the hang of it, he wants to have some fun first (take this sexually and I will bite you)

Come on! This is probably the one time he’ll get to fit in! Can you blame him?

You two go to any places that aren’t closed for the night

Luckily, there’s a mall nearby

Y’all steal stuff from there lmfao 💀

Since you don’t have money, nor does he

Anyway, afterwards you two go to Donnie for help back at the lair (after some convincing that you guys aren’t just some random human)

Overall, he had fun

At first, this man refuses to believe it

Pinches himself to see if he’s dreaming

He has to be dreaming, he has to be dreaming-

“OW! Donnie, cut it out!”

Aw shit he isn’t :0

Your guy’s fusion is a turtle mutant, like Donnie

But they do have distinct marks like you do

Moles, birthmarks, etc.

Also the mask is the colour of your shirt

No eyebrows (much to Donnie’s dismay)

It did keep his battle shell, though

You kinda had a moment where u realized how strong Donnie must be to carry and fight with that on

Prepare yourself, because that shit is HEAVY

“You’ll get used to it, don’t worry”

He says as if it’s not your first time carrying fucking 30 pounds on your back

Because he is who he is, he immediately goes back to the lair to unfuse you guys

It takes some time, but it works

Afterwards, he looks into how the hell you two managed to fuse

No mystic magic was involved, so no to that

Maybe something he had on him in the moment-?

WaIt, MaYBe ThE PiZzA wAs pOisOnEd-

“Donnie. Calm down,” you have to remind him for the fourth time this week.

Overall, found it interesting.

Unlike the others, he doesn’t go through that initial shock

this man is STOKED

you have to remind him to turn it down, because you can still hear his thoughts too

It’s just “oh mi gosh! This is so cool! Am I human or a mutant? Will people notice something’s wrong? OH MY GOD IM SO TALL-”

Mikey. Baby boy. Turn it down for christs sake

Your guys fusion is human, with freckles all around the body to represent his markings

Luckily, you guys didn’t get the short end of the straw, because u two turned out tall in the fusion

Thank god lmao (listen I love mikey but he is SO SHORT-)

He isn’t used to having such long legs, so he stumbles a bit but gets used to it (“wow, this must be what raph feels like-”)

Doesn’t exactly go places, just walks around for a bit

That’s really exciting for him too, because he isn’t used to being able to go in crowds

Loves the way you two’s fusion sounds like

Makes random noises to test it out and listen lmao-

Once you two get back to the lair, he wants to test out his skateboarding skills as a human before he sees Donnie

(Plot twist: u two sucked)

Once you and him unfuse, he’s kinda disappointed but knows it’s for the best

Overall, he didn’t mind the whole situation ;)

This poor man is so freaked out

Doesn’t get used to it at. All.

Wants to get unfused right away lmao

Not that he doesn’t like being with you! It’s just a weird sensation to be in a body that isn’t exactly his

Your guys fusion is also human, but like, a really, really tall human

Like, 7’0

They have enlarged hands and feet, to represent Raphs size

But not too big it looks unnatural

Raph doesn’t wanna wander around— just wants to get home

When his brothers ask you two to explain, he’s just this blabbering mess of panic

“We were just on the roof, having fun, and then we both fell asleep, and then woke up in a body that wasn’t ours, then fell over, AND THEN-”

Eventually just hands the mic to you and gives up

While waiting for Donnie to unfuse you two, he kinda just. Sits there.

Let’s you have free reign with the body

Though, I’m not sure you could do much when two of your limbs are limp

Your guys voice is kinda weird

Like, it has your voice’s pitch, but his voice’s roughness

So if you have a really high pitched voice, you’ll just sound like a really threatening anime girl lmfao

Overall, he didn’t like it :/

Bonus

“Wanna try it again?” — Y/N

“HELL YEAH!”

“For educational purposes.”

“Sure!”

“NO- I mean, no thanks, (name).”

#rottmnt #save rottmnt #rottmnt x you #rottmnt x reader #rottmnt x y/n #donnie tmnt #rottmnt donnie #mikey tmnt #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt leo #leo tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #raph tmnt #rottmnt raph

156 notes · View notes

nonclassyparty · 2 years ago

Text

Starring Role- ACT I (C.S; S.MG)

title; you don’t love me, big fuckin’ deal

summary:

We’ve all read about the infamous player who falls in love with the good girl that manages to make him change his ways…but what happens to the other girl? The pretty, popular one that has warmed his bed before the good girl came along and took him away.

Well, no one cares about her. After all, she’s just a side character.

It almost feels like a joke to play a part, when you are not the starring role in someone else’s heart.

pairing: choi san x reader, song mingi x reader

wc: almost 9k

warnings: smut, angst, fluff (if you squint), cursing

a/n: y/n has a really active imagination so there are some parts that might seem weird or make you confused lmao

taglist: @joonsthethicc @marievllr-abg @cookiechristie @purenjuniverse @hwaist @littleparkseonghwa @hwasong @hwadump @hongshines @kitty4hwa @knisterlicht @flamingi @revehosh @gayliljoong @naiify @btshook @atzcoke @circusjanreblogs @baguette-atiny

the intro / masterlist / act ii

“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” - James Patterson, The Angel Experiment

You stared at the ceiling of your bedroom, tracing patterns with your eyes that strangely reminded you of planet Earth getting blown to tiny bits and pieces across your ceiling, the oceans dripping down your walls and the lava from it's center splattering across your furniture and burning holes through the expensive cushions your mother placed on your window seat.

You vaguely felt like the world was coming to an end today.

Okay, so that might've been a tad bit dramatic but you wouldn't be you, if you lacked your knack to blow things out of proportion. Your brother often called you a drama queen and if you were still on good terms with him, you may have agreed but ever since your last little spat in the kitchen- Seonghwa could argue that the grass is green and you would be calling it blue just to spite him despite knowing he's obviously in the right.

But back to the end of the world.

There should be an introduction of some sort for the biggest cause of all your current ordeals. And that cause goes by the simple name of Choi San.

You met him at your first ever college party in your freshman year and, for reasons you don't wish to discuss right now, you both ended at an empty balcony of a frat house sharing a cigarette.

You were too frazzled by previous events at first to even notice how handsome Choi San is.

It's when you've successfully calmed down, half of the cigarette gone, that you notice his magnetic eyes that pulled you in and dimples that decorated his cheeks when he smiled.

"I study electrical engineering." He responds to your question of what he majored in. "I'm a third year."

Two years older than you. You were always into older guys.

"You?" San asks with a soft smile, eyes attentively glazing over you. The air is surprising chilly for an August night.

"I'm an art major." You respond, hands stopping their shaking finally as you finally relax.

"Cool. First year?" He asks, taking the cigarette from your hand and taking a drag himself. You watch his lips part as he breathes out the smoke.

"Yeah."

"Do you paint or?" San asks, head cocking to the side as he flicks the ashes off the cigarette.

"I mostly focus on painting, yeah, but I do other stuff as well."

"Hm, that's interesting. I'd like to see some of your art sometime, if you'd allow that." He comments confidently and your cheeks pathetically flush.

You watch him for a second longer and it's then that you realize that you want this guy to be yours. You don't know anything about him but you want to. You want to know him inside out. You want him. Just like that.

He was handsome. He was sweet. He was intelligent. And he had to be yours. It was all it took for you to get your act together and stop being so squirmy and shaken up.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" San chokes out a laugh at the sudden question and you smile as well, knowing how forward that was even for you.

"No." He shakes his head with another pretty laugh. It's such a light and soft sound that makes your insides flutter. He's single. "Why do you ask, Y/N?"

"Just curious." You shrug with a faint smirk but you both know it's more than that. You confirm it by asking the next question. "Are you looking for a girlfriend then?"

San's smile widens and it makes his dimples pop and eyes crinkle and holy fuck, he has freckles on his neck and he's looking at you so playfully that it makes excitement pulse through your veins.

"Are you volunteering?" He counters your question with an eyebrow raised and smile still intact. You bite your lip, looking away for a moment to stop the smile from appearing on your face.

"Maybe I'm just asking for a friend." You say, feigning disinterest that makes him chuckle. You smile sheepishly, a giggle bubbling out of you.

San hands you back the cigarette, watching you take a drag and then skimming you up and down. His tongue swipes over his lower lip as his eyes stay on your short mini skirt barely covering your thighs for a second too long.

"Well, maybe you should give me your number. You know, so I can text you when I start looking for a girlfriend and you can let your friend know."

And that you do. You give him your phone number with a flirty smile and the smile he gives you back stays in your mind for the rest of the night.

It started innocently, you'd see him around campus after that party and he would throw you that irresistible smirk that makes his dimples pop with a "hey, Y/N" uttered in his mellow voice. His fingers brushing your waist enough so it would seem accidental but drag the point across that he was trying to get your attention as he passed you by. They were simple incidents, sneaky gestures that you couldn't even call flirting properly but it's how he was slowly pulling you into his web. Soon enough, you were seeking him out on your own, waiting and wondering if today would be the day that something would actually happen.

In the end, as always, you had to take matters into your own hands.

A month passed since you met him and San still hadn't made a proper move on you by then- you were impatient, horny and extremely curious about him.

And you're not the type to sit around and wait, if Choi San wasn't planning on coming to you- then you would go to him.

He worked at a mechanic repair shop near campus and no, that wasn't information you stalked out of him. San mentioned it at the party during your brief conversation. 'It's hard work, but I learn a lot and the pay is good', he had said with a charming smile.

The shop is easy to find, true to what San said, it's just a ten minute drive off campus. There's a boy with bright red hair sitting in front of the shop when you park your car and get out, your heeled boots clicking against the pavement making his attention turn to you.

He looks young with big eyes and round cheeks, oddly reminding you of a teddy bear.

The boy has a cigarette stuck mid-air in his hand as he watches you with his jaw slightly agape, carefully following the swish of your short skirt. You glance at him with a dazzling smile.

"Hi." You greet him simply, passing by and he simply stares with round eyes and parted lips after you, mind too bamboozled to come up with anything to say. You enter the darker, stuffy space that smelled like oil and whatever else they used in these macho, no-women allowed places. You wouldn't know.

There are posters and calendars of naked women on the walls and music is playing from the old radio. Shelves with random tools are littering the walls and a small door with 'office' on it is smacked in the middle of the main space.

Locating San is easier than you thought because it seemed like only him and the red haired guy were here today. You find him under the hood of some car, arms flexing as he uses his little tools to fix whatever needed to be fixed, you presume.

"Hey." You greet softly, lips pulling into a small smile as you walk further into the space and near him.

San's head whips towards you with furrowed brows. He looks utterly confused by your appearance but nonetheless, a smile pulls on his plush lips as he straightens out his tall frame to look at you properly, gaze roaming over your cropped sweater, short plaid skirt and down your legs that sported leather boots which reached your knees.

"Y/N." He responds, licking his lips as he stares at you for a second longer. "Hey."

You clear your throat, his gaze making you feel hot all over as you turn your attention to something else.

"That's a nice...car." You have no idea what kind of car it is. To you, it's just a car. A red car, at that. You were never interested in them, if you were honest. It was only important that the car was able to take you from one place to the other, the brand or year or whatever didn't matter at all to you.

San's chuckle rings through the dimmed space and you circle around him, trying to seem unbothered when you were in fact, a little bit embarrassed to not knowing anything about cars.

"Do you have a car that would require any of my services, princess?" He asks, going back to his work below the hood of the car as you stand by the side, careful not to lean on the wall or brush up against anything that would leave a stain on your outfit.

"No." You answer simply. "I just came here to talk to you."

"Talk to me?" He asks but by the teasing tone of his voice and the smirk on his face, you know what he's playing at. San didn't want to seem desperate for anyone, it always had to be the other way around. "About what?"

"Just, you know...stuff." Shrugging, you pursue your lips slightly in thought before deciding to bite the bullet. "Like, when you're taking me on a date."

You take pride in knowing that you caught him by surprise because his head whips to you for the second time, his eyes wide, brows raised and lips parted. It all falls into the water fairly quickly though, once he lets a laugh leave him.

"A date, huh?" And he's back to his fucking work, screwing something in under the hood. His arms have oil stains on them and you shouldn't find it as attractive as you do.

"Yes." You say with the most confidence you could possibly muster, not letting your eyes falter for even a second from him.

"I don't date, princess." And San says it so softly, almost as if he's trying to spare you the humiliation. But you never wanted to be spared.

"So what? You just fuck around then?" You ask boldly, although you have to admit, your chest deflated a bit after his statement. So, he wasn't ever even looking for a girlfriend.

"Pretty much, yeah." San nods quietly, before his sharp eyes meet your own. "If you're interested in that, we'll gladly work something out."

"You mean, like,..." You slowly walk closer to him, sitting down on the side of the car and being extremely aware of his gaze on you. "Friends with benefits?"

So he was that type of guy. Interesting. You were in so much fucking trouble, you knew then and there.

"Yeah, something like that." He nods simply, lips quirking up and showing off his dimples. His eyes roam over your frame, sitting at not even an arms length away from him. "You'll get dirty sitting there."

Your eyes meet his and a new fire sets ablaze inside of you as lick your lips, thinking over how this could go.

"I don't mind getting dirty."

Something flashes across his eyes and he let's out a breathless chuckle at your words, gaze unmoving from your from your face. You gulp down the nervousness because everything with him feels like getting thrown into the deep end without knowing if you can make it back.

He straightens out again, no longer hunched over the hood of the car and he grabs a rag to clean his hands with best effort. "Is that so?"

In your head, this is where you're a gazelle, prancing around the prairie and he's the sharp lion, circling around you in the tall grass, waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce. He expects you to jump up and run when you hear the rustle of the leaves.

But you won't fight. You won't run. You'll sit on the soft green and wait for him, a meal set on a silver platter.

San drags his nose up the column of your neck and you cock your head to the side to give him more access as you grip the side of the car to steady you. His calloused hands grip your thighs and spread them apart easily with your permission as he steps between them.

"You wanna have some fun, princess?" He asks in a hushed tone, hooded eyes staring down at you and making warmth pool on the bottom of your stomach.

"Yes." You whisper against him. He's so close, his lips a couple of inches away from your own.

"Then you came to the right guy." And if anyone else used that line, you would've rolled your eyes but it was San. You couldn't even mind if he was a little corny.

Instead, your hand reaches up to the back of his neck so you can finally kiss him- your patience running thin. Just as your lips are about to touch his, he dodges them and they brush against your cheek instead.

"No kissing on the mouth." He says against your cheek, squeezing your thighs a little bit.

"Why?" You're not even ashamed that you ask it through a pathetic whine. You want to kiss him.

San takes his time with his answer, placing hot, open-mouthed kisses down your neck that makes you sigh out loud as his hands travel up your mini skirt and fingers curl around the elastic band at your hips as he steps back so you can close your legs. He tugs the stretchy collar of your sweater down with his teeth, revealing your bra before looking up at you and releasing the material from his mouth. Your legs quiver a bit.

"We can have fun without that."

And he pulls the panties down your thighs, stopping them at your knees and his fingers flutteringly glide over the bare skin at the back of your knees as he stands up straight, gripping your legs a bit firmer, now.

"Y/N, do you want that?" San asks seriously and you swallow down the saliva that gathered in your mouth before licking your lips, "If you don't, there's no problem. We'll just act like it never happened."

"I do." You nod deciding that if you're choosing doom then at least it's with Choi San. A gazelle sitting pretty on a silver platter.

San nods his head slowly, a gorgeous grin stretching across his lips that makes your heart (and pussy) flutter as he continues where he left off and starts dragging your panties down your calves. Once the thin, flimsy material is off of you- San tucks it in his back pocket.

"You're not getting these back." He whispers to you teasingly before dropping to his knees on the dirty floor.

You notice his hands aren't completely clean of the oil because of the stains they leave on your thighs, it serves as a reminder to where you exactly are.

"Wait," You say and he looks up at you. You turn to face the door before returning your attention to San. "I don't want anyone walking in-"

"Princess," San stops you, spreading your legs wide apart that has you gasping, "Jongho knows not to let anyone in here when I have company."

He presses kisses up your thighs, eyes watching as you finally allow yourself to relax.

And then his mouth is between your legs and he's suckling and licking and twirling his tongue around in just the right way that you can't even be bothered to question what he just said.

Jongho knows not to let anyone in here when I have company. Which would mean he does stuff like this often. With other girls.

"Oh-" You choke out a gasp, hand ending up twisted in San's midnight hair as you throw your head back and grind down against his face. All thoughts of how many girls he had like this before you are completely gone out of your head because it's you that's feeling that good now.

"San-ah..." You, at least, try to be quiet but San is probably the most experienced guy you've been with so far. Which fair enough, there weren't a lot, you only had two boyfriends before this. But he picks up on where to touch and lick fairly easily, his hands never leaving his grip on your thighs as you moan and groan in wanton while he devours your pussy like he'll never have it again.

"Oh, fuck, I'm gonna-" You whine, back arching off of the side of the car where you were perched up at and your orgasm washed up and down your body as San's name in moans and sighs leaves your lips.

He licks up your release and you twitch and whine at the sensitivity before he stands up and levels you with another smirk.

"Is that how its going to be?" San questions, cocking his head to the side as he observes you with hooded eyes and arms caging you against the car on each side. Your confused face gets him to elaborate on his question. "Are you going to come in less than 2 minutes every time I go down on you?"

You blush ferociously at that, looking away to the side as a small whine escapes you which makes San laugh. The sound of it is smooth and melodic, it makes your heart flutter.

"S-sorry, I-"

"No, don't apologize for that." San interrupts you with another chuckle, brows furrowed almost as if he found you ridiculous. Did he find you ridiculous? "We can work on that now that we'll be seeing each other often."

That sentence causes you to gulp as you look up at him again. You're reminded of the 'work something out' part he mentioned earlier and it strangely felt like you're about to sell a piece of your soul to the devil. And maybe you will, only this devil didn't have a three piece and horns but a beautiful smile and fucking dimples.

You're about to reach out for the button on his jeans, as a means of returning the favor after the mind blowing orgasm you just experienced but he's quick to gently push your hand away.

"Not today." San says, his voice sounds deeper and raspier than usual. "Look at this as payment for having to drive all the way to here."

You wordlessly nod because you're not sure what to say. Is that what sex is to him? A transaction?

"Do we have an agreement though? On the having fun together part?" He asks, cocking his head to the side as his dark eyes bore into yours. He was too fucking handsome. A dream guy.

"Yeah." You respond after clearing out your dry throat.

"Great, I'm happy to hear that, princess." That makes butterflies erupt in your stomach because you don't know that he's always 'happy to hear that'. You think you're special. "I'm going to need your phone number."

Your heart drops at that as your lips pull into a small smile at the corner of your mouth while your eyes drop to the floor.

"You already have it. I gave it to you at the party, remember?" If he's surprised or embarrassed he doesn't show it, only nods with the same grin meaning he doesn't give a fuck that he got caught not remembering.

"Right, well, you should go now." San says, placing a small kiss to your forehead. "I have to finish this before my boss shows up in an hour."

"Okay." And you're turning on your heal and walking away. Until San calls you after a couple of steps.

You turn around to find him watching you with those dark, hooded eyes.

"Pull your skirt down." He says, as if he has any right to order you around.

With a scoff, you pull on the waist of your skirt and hike it up even further up your body, revealing more of your thighs which now had grey oil stans on them before you're turning around and walking away after giving him a small smirk.

His laugh rings through the stuffy and darkly lit space.

Jongho, as you learn his name is, doesn't look at you in the eye when you walk out but you can see him jump a little when you open the front door to find him not moved from his seat. His cheeks are flushed red and he clears his throat. You find him adorable.

"See you around!" You sing to him with another dazzling smile, completely unashamed that he probably heard you have an orgasm not even five minutes ago.

"B-bye." Jongho stutters out, and you know his eyes are trained on your long legs with oil stains on your thighs as you walk to your car.

San texts you three days after that, he doesn't even beat around the bush a little and instead, simply asks if you want to hang out in his dorm around nine. You say yes, of course.

San's frat had an entire apartment building for themselves so it was three guys on one apartment and it was a pretty neat living situation for a college student (not that you would know, you lived at home still). He quickly gave you a tour of the apartment and then took you to his room.

And then, he fucked you. Really, it was that easy.

You didn't know if it was some sort of special treatment he gives to girls when he has sex with them for the first time but it was the best sex you will ever have with him.

He made you come four times that night. Once on his tongue, once on his fingers, once on his tongue and fingers and then, on his dick.

You remember leaving his place at around three in the morning, worn out and sore but so fucking satisfied and happy because you had him. You had Choi San.

Except you didn't.

Or maybe you did in a way. Yeah, you did have Choi San but so did a dozen of others. You didn't care to remember their names except for one. Seo Yeojin.

She was his favorite one. Or at least, that's what your friend Minjung told you. Now, Minjung was usually a backstabber and someone you could absolutely never rely on- but she knew her gossip.

It was a first to hear about this Seo Yeojin, though. Never met her, never heard of her. But you did allow a shot of satisfaction to run through your system at the fact that she knew about you and she didn't like you.

Usually, you didn't care what people thought of you. You grew up surrounded by the upper class so if you let everyone's opinion affect you, you would be six feet underground a long time ago but knowing that Seo Yeojin disliked you without ever even meeting you could mean only one thing- she was threatened.

Something about that made you feel giddy, if you were honest.

The first time you come face to face with her is at a party a week after you hook up with San for the first time.

You're in the spacious bathroom of some college house, fixing your lip gloss when a girl walks in the room. You make eye contact with her through the mirror and can see her stare you up and down but you don't do anything about, typically used to people sizing you up.

It's when she steps towards the sink and fishes out a cheap drug store lipstick which she begins applying to her lips, that you get a hunch on who is next to you.

"You're Y/N?" Her voice is higher than you expect and you turn to her, to look at her properly.

"Who's asking?" You ask simply, turning your attention back to your reflection in the mirror.

"San's girlfriend." Her response makes you let out a loud laugh and you can tell it pisses her off with the way she flushes and her hands clench into fists. Terrible manicure, you notice.

"San's girlfriend?" You counter with a tiny smirk, eyes crinkled at the corners. Playing indifferent and being obnoxious is something you have mastered by now and yes, you put it to good use most of the time.

"Yeah. I'm the one in his bed almost every night, so you could say that I'm his girlfriend." She says flicking her damaged hair over her shoulder and you have to stop your eye from twitching at her admission. This was Seo Yeojin. You refuse to let her know that she has any sort of effect on you. It would be humiliating.

"Well, shit. I guess I'm San's girlfriend, too." Is what you say, leaning against the sink by your hip and crossing your arms over your chest, a smirk still playing on your lips.

"Don't piss me off, kid-"

"Is there a reason why you're talking to me right now?" You interrupt, fuse running short the moment she uttered the word 'kid' as if the fact that you're younger than her, gives her the upper hand somehow.

"Yeah." She nods, crossing her own arms over her chest. "Don't let him giving you attention get to your head, you're not anyone special to him. You're just a little freshman who still doesn't know what she just got herself into."

"It seems like you're not anyone special to him either, if he's fucking me. A little freshman who doesn't know what she got herself into." You draw out, smirk dropping for once as you glare at her.

It's fucking embarrassing, arguing with another girl in a bathroom at a party over a guy who doesn't give a shit about either of you. But you have too much pride to be the bigger guy and walk away from an argument, especially an argument with a bitch who thinks she has any claim over the guy you were currently infatuated with.

"You have some balls, I'll give you that." She chuckles almost in disbelief as she glares at you equally hard. Before her face softens and an annoyingly pretty smile grows on her lips. "But I'm his favorite one. Always was and always will be."

"Not for long." You mutter before you could stop yourself and if you cared that she heard you, you might've been a little bit nervous.

She takes a step towards you, arms falling to her sides.

"I'd take the attitude down a notch or two, freshie." She whispers with a knowing smirk that causes your jaw to clench in annoyance, the indifferent facade easily cracking. "You'll be interesting to him for a week and then you'll get put on the back-burner while he returns to someone who actually knows what they're doing."

She's a year older than San which means she's three years older than you and you should respect her, she's a senior after all. But the catty part of you just doesn't allow it, her words filling up a new type of rage because; is this the type of girl that was San's first choice?

She was pretty but not that pretty and definitely not prettier than you. Her face was regular, there were a dozen of girls that looked like her at this exact party. Boring, cheap clothes and with the way she articulates herself and moves, she's not particularly smart or classy either. What was there to favour so much?

"Maybe you're used to being placed on the back-burner Yeojin," You utter, jutting your chin out in confidence that looks very real to everyone but yourself. Her smile falters when she realizes that you know her name. With a snarky smile, you take a step forward. "but not me. I'm not forgotten so easily."

Yeojin lets out a disbelieving chuckle, her eyes narrowing as she stares you down with her jaw slightly dropped.

"We'll see about that, freshie." And she's walking away, leaving you to stare at your own reflection in the mirror. The hinges are so close to coming off and for the first time, you think that you bit off more than you could chew with Choi San but....But.

You were never a quitter. Ever since you were little, you were taught that if you wanted something you should stop at nothing to make it yours and you fucking wanted Choi San.

But seeing and hearing all of this about him. About his reputation. It caused something heavy to sit down at the bottom of your stomach. Days passed and you saw the other girls, heard the other stories and got enough warnings- all very helpful in building an image in your head of who Choi San really was.

Heck, even he himself told you he doesn’t fucking date.

You realized very early on that you could never be the only one in his book and sometimes even you had to settle with the next best thing . So in this matter, if you couldn't be the only one- the next best thing was to be the favorite one. To take Seo Yeojin's place.

And maybe, from there, you could meticulously work and plan on how to become the only one.

So you slowly started going up the list of his girls. It was such a disgusting label. San's girl. But that's what all of you were. A pretty girl that he fucked around with and the one that sometimes got the privilege to be let into his small, elite circle of friends. You fucked him the way he liked, left when he said to leave and pretended like you were completely okay with everything being San's way. It's what the favorite one did, wasn't it?

And being the favorite one meant being one step ahead of the competition at all times which, and you don't say it to be mean, wasn't hard at all.

The girls San usually slept with were so...basic. If you lined them up next to each other, you would think that they were all variations of the same person. The same very basic fashion style that they probably saw their favorite Instagram influencer wear bought off of Shein, the same eyebrows, same lip liners, same cookie-cutter mold that made none of them stand out in the mass of girls he had flocking around him.

They all looked like each other. Which wasn't a bad thing, they were pretty (he wouldn't fuck them if they weren't pretty). But you were simply better.

For starters, you never wore the same outfit twice and your jewelry didn't leave blue prints on your skin because it wasn't fake. You looked pretty with or without makeup and a bottle of your perfume costed almost as much as their three monthly rents. You didn't look like you got picked off of someone's Instagram feed and you actually knew how to apply your bronzer and trim your eyebrows to suit your face. In looks, you easily triumphed over the rest.

They were superficial reasons, you were very aware and San didn't care for any of that. A pretty girl was a pretty girl to him, he didn't give a fuck about her outfit unless when he was planning on taking it off of her. The real reason why you were the favorite one was because in San's book you were listed under 'The Rich, Spoilt Brat That Not Everyone Could Have', and he had you.

Men always liked knowing that they were special enough to attain something which was otherwise considered untouchable and San was no fucking different. Knowing that he had the rich girl who didn't fuck around with just anyone under his thumb got him going.

You could tell he liked it when you walked into the room and everyone's attention went to you but you were looking at him. He enjoyed knowing that he was the only one taking you to bed and you often wondered if you didn't have the old-money name to back you up; would you be on the same pile as the rest of the girls you surpassed?

Thinking about what made you special to Choi San was a dangerous game. Was it the sex, the high-fives he gets from his friends for fucking the granddaughter of one of Korea's richest CEOs or could it ever be just you?

Still, you enjoyed it. He didn't love you but at least he knew you were better than the rest.

And boy, did that feel good as you stared back into Yeojin's eyes with a smirk pulling on your glossy lips as you placed a soft hand on San's arm which was draped over your shoulder in the smoky, crowded room almost two months after your first meeting in that bathroom. He was conversing with Yunho, not paying an inkling of attention to you but at least, he wasn't paying attention to anyone else either.

Especially not Yeojin.

'I win.' You mouth to her, and you know there's a mean look in your eyes but you knew that if Yeojin was in your place, she'd be gloating just as much (if not more) to your face.

So you don't feel all that bad about it.

You were the new favorite now.

And you remain the favorite one all through your freshman year and the summer after it.

There are other girls, of course, but they're all one-night stands and flings that come and go. You're the only one he keeps by his side, no matter how many times he's fucked you. It's a burden as much as it is a relief because while San wants you around, you're constantly looking over your shoulder to check if someone else caught his attention for the night. It's pathetic and demeaning.

It's even more demeaning when you're in the presence of his friends when he decides to hook up with someone else for the night. His friends, Yunho and Yeosang, hate you.

Yunho is two-faced and at least pretends to be nice to you when you're in their presence at a party or share a lunch table at the cafeteria, even though you know he bad-mouths you the moment you turn your back.

Yeosang on the other hand, well... he is just nasty to you to your face. If he didn't outright despise you, you might've liked him a little bit. You might've even tried to be his friend because you always had a thing with people for no filter.

Also Yeosang gives off the vibe that he's maybe killed a man, but if you were to ask him directly about it, any answer would feel like he's lying. Which makes him even more interesting.

But San's friends weren't the only problem. Your own friends weren't any better because they were trying to fuck San.

Now, everyone must be thinking; Y/N, with what kind of people do you surround yourself with? And the answer is pretty simple- terrible people.

You didn't really care how honest or trustworthy anyone was because almost every single one of your friendships was for the sake of connections and climbing up the social ladder. Also at the time, you had Seonghwa. He was your best friend.

But your friends were actively trying to fuck the guy you had some serious feelings for and the worst part is that one of them succeeded. Jennie fucked San almost half a year after you started hooking up with him and she rubs it in your face to this day.

You were hurt obviously but not so much by Jennie because you didn't give a fuck about her. You were hurt by San. Why would he sleep with your friend? Even if you two weren't together, surely there must be some sort of rule in the friends-with-benefits rulebook that says you can't fuck each other's other friends.

And you could get back at him, you know you could go and fuck someone else but why would you? San wouldn't care in the slightest and you'd only give yourself away to someone to try and spite someone else.

If nobody concluded by now, your life was kind of a mess but San was the hurricane in the center.

When you thought about him, you imagined the two of you in a whirlwind of tangled hands, twirling in the middle of a steep hill. Your hair is whipping you in the face from the speed of your movements, white dress clinging to your body as you stare at him from across from you.

Big, beautiful smile with dimples popping and eyes crinkled. Black, soft hair falling dancing with the wind and revealing his handsome face. White button-down shirt getting swayed by his each movement.

He's yelling; "Let go, Y/N! Let go of my hands!" with a big smile on his face, "Let go of me, Y/N!" But you never do, instead you stubbornly hold on as both of your feet pick up pace and you twirl even faster.

But you handled it well. The unrequited love, the traitors you call friends, the snarky remarks from his friends. You took it like a champ because you were the favorite one and no-one could take that from you.

Until Son Boyoung walks into the picture, or rather bumps into it.

Like every plot-shifting, drama- starting event in Gossip Girl, it all starts with a party. The first party of your second year of college to be precise.

A party you didn't even want to go to if you were honest, you might've just preferred to fuck San in his dorm and then leave because that's how the night will end anyway. This entire tradition of getting ready for two hours to be surrounded by horny college boys trying to get with you while San partied around got old a long time ago.

"Wanna go?" San's breath coasts over your ear and it makes you shiver lightly as you nod in response. His breath smells like beer but he's not drunk, you can tell because his eyes are still crystal clear and he wasn't tripping over his tongue yet.

You let him lead the way, his pointer finger wrapped around your own loosely so he doesn't lose you in the crowd as you both make your way through the dimmed room.

You both don't make it three steps forward before someone is bumping into San and causing you to bump into his back when he stops in his tracks suddenly.

You're more focused on the fact that there's beer spilled all over his shirt now rather than who spilled it on him as you gasp lightly.

"Watch where you're going." San says darkly to the smaller figure in front of him and for the first time you turn your attention to the girl who was hold an, now, empty cup in her hands and looking absolutely mortified. You kick yourself to this day for feeling bad for her.

"You're the one that bumped into me." Your brows raise in surprise at the sudden bravery in her voice. She still looks small and slightly nervous, but she's stubbornly holding her own and you can't help but respect her a little for it. "You watch where you're going."

And she's pushing past both you and San with him only left staring at her back with his jaw slightly dropped and gaze pissed off. His jaw clenches, eyes on the unknown girl for a second longer before he's nodding for both of you to head to the entrance.

As always, you both walk side by side to his dorm which is just a three minute walk from the place where the party is held. Usually, this is your favorite part because it's when San is the sweetest to you.

His attempt to woo you out of pure courtesy because you both know he doesn't have to since you would sleep with him with or without the sweet words but he still does, maybe he knows how much you like them.

Tonight, he's agitated by something and it doesn't even cross your mind that it might have something to do with the girl from earlier.

"What's up with you?" You ask lightly, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt teasingly. It seems to snap him out of the staring contest with the pavement because his head snaps to you.

"Nothing important." He replies with a crooked smile. His finger gets hooked around the belt hoop of your mini skirt and he pulls you closer to his side as you both walk down the empty street. You let out a loud laugh at that, attempting to push him off but only ending up with his arm draped across your shoulder.

"You want something to drink?" San asks as you enter his unit. You push off the high-heeled boots off of your feet, leaving them by the door and immediately going to his room.

"Water!" You shout back, knowing that you're alone in his apartment because you've seen both Yeosang and Yunho at the party tonight.

You tune out San's shuffling in the kitchen as you take your jacket off and throw it across the chair next to his desk. You turn on the desk lamp, not bothering with the ceiling light and look over his cozy bedroom. It's messy but in a very organized way and you always find some new detail in it to nitpick over, all in hopes to learn something new about him.

Tonight, it's his small collection of records which sits in a neat row at the bottom of his small bookshelf. It's a mix of old school bands and RnB records with an occasional indie artist that you're not familiar with. You wonder if he plays them while studying or does he use them to impress girls?

Two hands hooking below your elbow catch you by surprise and with a small squeak you're lifted to your feet, back coming in contact with a firm chest.

"You're always snooping around my room." San comments in a hushed voice against your ear and you know he's smiling. His hands lightly skim over your hips before they rest on your stomach. You huff.

"I'm not snooping!" You defend yourself with a pout, watching over the little knick-knacks scattered over his desk. "Just...observing."

He chuckles against you before you feel him reach for something behind you.

"Your water, princess." A bottle of water comes to your view and you take it with a 'thank you' before opening it and taking a couple of gulps. "And if you're done with your 'observing'..."

San's hands return to your front only this time, they don't rest on your stomach but starts fiddling with the button of your skirt until it's undone and he's tugging on it until it slides down your legs and hits the floor.

"I was observing. Don't get a big head." You giggle with a small whine, worried that you'll spill water over the floor because of his wandering hands and kisses pressed to your neck.

It doesn't take long for you to get in the mood with San simply because you always want him. Something about him is so irresistible and so magnetic that something as easy as a pretty smile can turn you to mush.

You place the water bottle down on his desk and relax in his hold, relishing in his touches and kisses pressed to your skin. With his hands wrapped around your middle, he walks you both backwards to his bed and pulls you into his lap.

The kisses to your neck turn hotter and slower as one hand dips between your thighs, fingers running up and down your clothed heat while the other feels hot and heavy on your waist. A sigh leaves you, head lulling back onto his shoulder and giving him more access to your neck as you start grinding down on his lap while his fingers continue to tease you.

"God," San sighs lowly into your ear, lips at your temple as you grind down harder on him.

"San, do something." You whine against him.

Suddenly, you're picked up and placed on the bed with him hovering above you. He tugs your panties down and throws them over his shoulder before quickly spitting on his hand and spreading the essence over your cunt, slicking you up with parted lips and watchful gaze.

"Fuckin' pretty." He mutters and you whimper a little as his fingers start carefully rubbing your clit, the motion making your hips jolt.

His fingers dip inside of you, stretching you out and making you moan softly as your back arches off of the bed.

"San, please." You whisper through a moan, looking up at him and letting out a loud groan when his thumb brushes your clit. "J-just fuck me. Please."

"Whatever you want, princess." And his fingers slide out of you.

You watch him remove the black shirt he had on, admiring his broad shoulders and toned stomach. A silver necklace decorates his chest, hair swept to the side and lips flushed and you can't stop the staring. He's beautiful.

When he catches your eyes on him, San laughs lightly and grazes your hip with his fingers before rummaging through his bedside table to find a condom and it makes you smile sheepishly as you adjust yourself on the bed.

Soon enough, the rest of his clothes are discarded and you remember you still have your top on which you quickly slide off of yourself and throw to the floor.

San pulls you towards him by your ankle and you squeak in surprise before it turns into a laugh when his fingers dig into your waist, tickling you. He puts the condom on swiftly before nestling himself between your legs.

You mewl when he slides inside of you, the delicious stretch overwhelming you accompanied by the torturous kisses to your neck and collarbones that turn into soft bites when he starts thrusting into you.

"Always feel so good." He mutters, hips snapping into yours as you grip his shoulders. Soft whines and whimpers leave you as the familiar feeling in your stomach starts building and your nails dig into the skin of his back.

"Fuck, San..." You sigh when his lips wrap around your nipple, tongue rolling over the sensitive bud. He pulls away with a groan, lips trailing upwards before his face is buried in your neck, breath coasting over your sensitive skin and making goosebumps rise.

"Say my name, again." He whispers against your neck, hips bucking into yours which causes you to moan loudly.

"San..." You whisper, hand getting tangled in his dark hair. His name continues to leave your lips like a prayer with each thrust and his lips trace your skin.

And that's how both of you lose yourselves in the moans and shared breaths, skin on skin, profanities and lewd noises filling his room until the coil in your stomach is snapping and you're coming undone underneath him so hard that you see white in front of your eyes. San finishes not long after you, filling up the condom with a low groan against your skin and all that's left are heavy breaths that fill up the silence and cold air meeting, now, sweaty skin.

You often think how if this was some other guy, you would probably be kissing him while he fingers you, while he's balls deep inside of you, after he makes you come and you've come down from the high and in a daze. But not with San. He doesn't kiss.

You found it peculiar and wondered why because if he's willing to eat you out, why was he so against something as innocent as kissing? And after days of pondering over it, you finally understood.

Kissing is way too intimate for him.

Sex was something incredibly normal and daily for San. Well, sex is normal in general. Everyone fucks. But to San, it was just an action that he did with the means of getting off and it didn't represent anything special to him.

Kissing, on the other hand, didn't always lead to sex. Sometimes you just kissed people because you wanted to kiss them. Wanted to have them close like that, wanted to feel that tender moment of when your lips disconnect and you look into each other's eyes, wanted to express how you feel towards them through tongues.

San never kissed you. He only ever had sex with you.

And sex didn't mean anything to San so it subsequently followed that you didn't mean anything to him either.

The end of the world that you were currently mulling over though, happens on the first Monday after that night.

It was the first day of classes of your second year of college and after four hours of classes, you find yourself in the campus cafeteria. Coincidentally, San has lunch at the same time as you. Well, Yunho and Yeosang are with him as well but who gives a fuck about them.

"Hi guys!" You greet cheerily, sitting down at an empty seat and placing your lunch box in front of you. San gives you an amused eyebrow raise while Yunho nods at you in greeting, neither saying much. Thank God Kang Yeosang is there though.

"Oh, Jesus." He mutters and you sigh, suppressing an eye roll as you open your lunch box and take out your chopsticks. "Don't you have a Twice video to stream or something? Why are you here?"

"I did that last night while I was doing my nails, Yeosang." You reply simply, taking a bite out of your salad. "I'm having lunch just like you."

"Well, can you take your plated grass somewhere else?" He asks with a sarcastic smile as he eyes your salad with distaste and you clench your fists, holding yourself back from lashing out at him the way you want to. They way you always want to but don't, for the sake of staying in San's good graces.

Instead, you fix yourself up in a polite smile.

"There's plenty of space here."

You only get an eye roll in response and he turns to Yunho, starting a conversation about some topic you don't really care about.

You open your mouth to ask San how his first day of classes was but when you turn your head to him, you're completely gagged by the expression on his face and it quickly makes you clamp your mouth shut.

San looks determined and intrigued, which wouldn't be anything out of the usual, if his attention wasn't directed to something over your shoulder. Or rather someone.

You follow the direction of his gaze, eyes scanning the almost empty area and wondering who he was looking at so intently and so wistfully. The red head? The tall girl with a wolf cut...she might be his type. The girl that's rumored to model for Calvin Klein?

It's when she catches your attention. Sitting behind an empty table, in a sweatshirt that swallows half of her body, hair braided and falling over one shoulder and earphones plugged in as she writes something down in her notebook, is the girl from the party. The girl who spilled her beer all over San.

She's sitting alone, a little bit to the side and she's got a pretty face but in the sea of pretty girls surrounding her, she is completely unnoticeable and plain. You turn to face San again, his eyes would fly behind your shoulder too often for your liking.

Surely, he couldn't be...?

"I'd be worried if I was in your place, princess." Kang Yeosang whispers in your ear and you jump a little, surprised by the sudden closeness. "It seems like you're about to get replaced by a nerd."

Your eyes connect with his and your stomach twists at the annoyingly pretty but vicious smirk on his lips, eyes dancing with mirth.

You want to laugh in his face. You want to tell him that a girl so mediocre could never be even up to your knees. Even the fact that you’re comparing yourself to her is ridiculous. You were you and that Plain Jane could never be a threat.

But words fail you because this doesn't feel like all the other times a pretty girl would catch San's attention. The fact that she doesn't fit San's type of pretty girls makes you clutch the chopsticks firmly and you can't find yourself to respond as you turn to San once again and your heart drops.

That's how the world explodes on the ceiling of your bedroom later on, this afternoon as you replay what happened at lunch over and over again while laying on your bed. From San's intrigued gaze to Yeosang's words to the way even you felt something shift during that lunch because...

While you were looking at San, San was looking at her.

#san x reader #mingi x reader #san smut #ateez angst #ateez x reader

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