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odder-outlet · 2 months ago

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I’ve been absent im aware. Things have been changing at a rapid pace and I don’t know what to do. I’m posting this just because. If anyone else want to share their thoughts I don’t mind.

(I think the adhd is kicking in on this one)

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I decided to read a silent voice tonight because I heard that a lot of content was cut out in the actual film. I already knew about the plot before watching the movie and to be honest, I couldn’t get through the first few minutes where the class essentially shuns and bullies nishimiya (I think that’s her name) because of her disability. I’ve had a hard time watching media depicting this type of subject mostly because something something “I was also bullied in school”. Apart from the bullying part, I feel like ishida speaks to me as a character more than nishimiya would’ve. That part of you that isolated yourself for your past mistakes, feeling a sense of guilt for enjoying the small things in life because of what you’ve done in the past. You don’t know why but you feel like you don’t deserve this feeling of joy. You just wanna leave that part of you behind or go somewhere else where no one knows who you are. I was getting invested as I read on but there was one line that stuck out to me that read me to here. Ishida goes back to his old elementary school (where he bullied nishimiya) to get permission to use the school as a filming location for his friends movie. Throughout the manga, his teacher obviously didn’t like him because of his disruptive behavior but I think when after he’s outed, I’ve noticed something. His teacher doesn’t believe he can change. Why would he? He’s an annoying, disruptive kid who didnt see her as an equal. A toy, a new game to play with his friends. But there’s another detail he’s seemed to miss, or rather choose to ignore. Everyone had a part in nishimiyas bullying. Her class saw her as a setback, a nuisance, an insignificant figure in their lives that they all agreed to be cast aside. They all had a part in it but ishida was the known perpetrator. So when the principal catches wind of the bullying and they asked who did it, the teacher immediately calls out ishida.

When ishida tries to call out everyone else (and rightfully so) they all turn on him. They turned themselves into the victim in nishimiyas place. They never cared about her when she was there and they’re just pretending to because they got caught. After ishida is shunned and receives the same treatment as nishimiya before she transferred, he tells the teacher. But the teacher doesn’t believe him. When he says someone pushed him in the lake he says “You dived in didn’t you. Stop lying and just tell the truth”. If I read this back in middle school, a point in my life where I hated just about every bully character that I would yell at them in real life, hoping they would never have happiness or forgiveness ever again (I was a weird kid shocker I know), I would’ve agreed with the teacher wholeheartedly. But reading it now and becoming more aware that people are capable of change…it hurt. Everyone around him has that same mindset. He did something horrible, unforgivable, therefore he’s incapable of change. But he’s a child. Children do stupid things all the time and I feel like this stigma stuck with him throughout the rest of his life, that’s why he works his ass off to pay out his debt, why he isolates himself because he has that same mindset that no one would ever want to get to know or understand because of what he did as a child. I don’t sympathize with his behavior but implanting the idea that doing something as a child and no one wanting to do anything with you is such a fucked up mindset to put him in. Back to the present where ishida asks the teacher for the filming permits, he sees the change in him and he seems like he recognizes who he is *now* then who he was before. But then he says:

“Well, if you grew into such a fine young man, all that trouble back in sixth grade was a good thing”

It wasn’t a good thing. It was a never a good thing. Imagine starting to overcome your own trauma, trying to better and love yourself, trying to forgive yourself after so many years and then hear that your trauma, the very reason you can’t be happy with, your trauma made you a better person. All those days of harassment, bullying, isolation, and torment was actually good for you because it changed you for the better.

#I’ve been reading this manga for only two hours and it’s already made me cry twice #I wish I read it sooner #this manga hurts to read but in a good way #if you’ve seen the movie but haven’t read the manga please do #a silent voice #a silent voice manga #anime and manga #random rambles #ramblings

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thequietkid-moonie · 3 months ago

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Trying to let their darling be happy with someone else

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Aventurine, Hanako, Nagisa, Ishida ]

[ Honkai Star Rail ] [ Toilet Bound Hanako-kun ] [ Assassination Classroom ] [ A silent voice ]

⚠️ Yandere, I don't support nor try to romanticize this toxic behaivor, is just for entretaiment

This is a bittersweer prompt, is like the yanderes trying to leave their darling free for their darling's sake, I thought it would be interesting to explore this posibility <3

Aaaalsoooo im writing for two yanderes I haven't wrote before! I wish you like them !!

Aventurine

Aventurine's love is an intense and burning feeling, it consumes him and make him desperate but at the same time give him a purpose and makes him keep going, he is well aware of his feelings and even knowing how unhealthy they can be but they consume him slowly so he can't really ignore them

As his feelings slowly grow there is nothing more Aventurine loves more than just watch you be yourself, interact with others and just have fun, he spend quite some time watching you from afar before deciding to get close to you, using his charm and flirtatious attitude to try to win your heart

He is not only aware of his feeling but also of yours, he wants so desperately for you to love him that he just can't not try to read you to see if he even has a chance, thats why if you seem interested in someone else he will notice, it will depend a little in how obvious you are but still he is smart enough to catch the hints. Even if he gets to know pretty quick he will be in denial for a while, he doesn't want to admit that you are in love with someone else but he can see you looking at that other person with love

Even if he just seems a little grumpy or try to avoid the topic with a smile in the inside he is a complete mess, going from desperately trying to deny that you like someone else to crying his heart out, repeating himself that of course you will love someone else since he doesn't deserve you, it will even reach the point where he just hates that person for stealing your attention from him

Insolated in the darkness of his room, Aventurine end up making a lot of plans and backup plans to take you away from that person and to win your affection, with his luck everything will go the way he wants it, he make up his mind, losing himself in the intensity of his feelings and the need of your love

Aventurine put in action his plan, trying to be more and more close to you, being extra friendly with you in hopes that you just forget about that worthless nobody and better look at him, while in the shadows he tries to put more and more obstacles in that person's way, trying really hard to set you two apart

But even after all his efforts Aventurine just freeze the moment he sees the two of you interacting, paying close attention of how you act, to those suble hints of your love, realicing how beautiful you truly are when you are in love but also about the fact that you haven't acted that way with him. After this Aventurine will probably watch you interact with that person for a while from the shadows, blessing himself with your beauty and precence but also torturing himself with the display of you affection towards someone else, slowly growing more and more envy and heart-broken

At the end, Aventurine decides that forcing you to stay with him when you love someone else would be unfair, he will keep trying to win your heart but will try really hard to set you free, even if he feels like his entire being is breaking and put him in an even worst state, if your feelings for that other person are corresponded then he will try really hard to let you be happy with that person

Hanako

It was really foolish of his part to fall in love with a human and Hanako knew it, but is not like he could stopped himself, ever since he have noticed you around the school you catched his attention, what lead him to slowly follow you and know more and more about you

For him it was just matter of time to become fascinated by you, he wanted to be close to you, to talk to you, he wanted to be selfish for once and be with you, to never leave your side, but no matter how much he wished for it he was still a supernatural, he had to ask for Yashiro's help to even be able to meet you in person, using the excuse of making your wish come true just to be able to have the excuse to glue himself to your side

Hanako has a stalker behaivor during school day, following you around all the time he can and just watching go with your day, sometimes even appearing just with the excuse to mess with you while in reality he is just following his burning desire to be as close as you as posible

It can be that Hanako just noticed that you have feelings for someone else when witnessing it by just following you around or that even the wish you went to ask for to him was related to that love, either way the realization makes him freeze in place and stare at you, for him is like the time has stoped just to dragg him to the cruel reality, a cruel reminder of his position, he is a supernatural, you two couldn't be together because he is already dead

Hanako tries to play off and put a teasing smile to cover up what he really feels, still when he finally finds out an excuse he quickly say it before leaving, and you wont be able to find him for days because he is just too heart broken to face you, he loves you, he want to be with you, he want you to love him too, but that is not going to happen, and he feels like an idiot for it

He spend quite some time reproaching himself for being so idiotic to fall in love, as intense of his feeling are for you is his now self hate for even falling in love. Hanako spend several days in his little cycle of despair, torturing himself with reproachings and constant reminders that this will never be, not when he is a not only a supernatural but also a murderer, why would you even love someone like him? it was just too idiotic of himself

Once he feels ready to face you again is when he finally have make up his mind that he just have to forget about what he fell for you because you deserve to have a great and long life, you doesn't have to lose your life like he did (let alone for his own selfishness), he have make it up in his mind that he will leave you alone to be happy with that other person, but the moment he sees you again, he sees you worried about his sudden disappearance and how you being worring for him for all this days that plan of leaving you be happy with someone else just broke under the weight of his feelings, he just loves you too much to lose you, he doesn't want to

Nagisa Shiota

Being in Class 3E makes every feel bad and unworthy, like idiots, and Nagisa isn't the exception, adding that failure feeling to his already bad self-esteem just make him feel even more unworthy of his darling, he is just a worthless no one while his darling is someone he look up to, someone more beautiful and valuable

Even if you were at class 3E Nagisa doesn't have the strength to talk to his darling, he just limits himself to watch you from afar, tortured by the inmense love that make him wish to just be able to at least talk to you, if only you look at him at least for a brief moment, but is also a constant remainder of how unworthy he is

Nagisa is incredibly smart and perceptive, for him is so easy to read thought his darling for how much attention he puts in you, he is able to be so close to you without being detected that he just memorized everything about you, so its not so dificult for him to notice that you have feelings for someone else but he feels like breaking down when he finds out, he knew he could never have a chance with you, he is nothing but the shadow of his mother anyways, and yet, deep down, he hoped that one day he could be able to have an oportunity, a really small ray of hope that kept him going, but now is gone

Even when Nagisa tell himself that he understand that you would love someone else that doesn't stop him from being in the edge and incredibly heartbroken, but also angry, he doesn't exactly know to who or what he is angry at but he is. Nagisa is clearly affected by this but wants nothing more than your happiness, so if your happiness is with someone else he will make sure that person is worthy of you, stalking the person you like to make sure they are good enough, the problem is that his anger just make him try really hard to find any reason of why that person is unworthy, anything can help (also, the more he trains in Class 3E the more confidence he gains, even if he still sees himself as unworthy he at least is better than that idiot)

At the end it would be incredibly dificult for someone to make him a good impression to let them be deserving of your affection, Nagisa doesn't even realice how possesive he can be and just cover up with the excuse of no one being worthy. However, this is a little tricky, because if he sees that this person makes you truly happy he will have a mental breakdown for the preasure of being stuck between wanting you to be happy and the others being unworthy, but in this way there are higher chances that he will accept his defeat (but will continue to stalk you two, waiting for that idiot's first mistake to take them away)

However, if the case is that you two are already friends then he will be less willing to let you go, it have took so much efforts to just even become your friend (and him to accept it since he stills feels quite unworthy) to just lose it for some idiot that wants to get in his way, since he slowly wins more confidence with the training and you have already accepted him in your life then he feels ready to fight for what he have with you now

Shoya Ishida

Despite the fact that Ishida is quite dependent of his darling he limits and hold back himself a lot, he feels unworthy and is so afraid that you would think as bad as he thinks of himself that he prefers to dont be close to you, but at the end, if you two end up being friends he will be watching over his every single move to make sure he doesn't make any mistake

For Ishida is incredibly dificult to really tell what his darling is feeling, he is constantly in the edge of his nervousness and anxiety and can easily misundestand things for the bad, you have to be clear with him, thats also why if you are interested in someone else it will take him a long time to understand it, as unworthy as he feels deep down he still wishes for you to see him in a good light, the thought of you loving someone else or even not giving him even the chance have cross his mind a few times but the moment he finally realice that you actually have feelings for someone else is going to break him completely

He is going to be a complete mess the moment he sees that you actually have feeling for someone else, after the initial shock Ishida will fall into a really bad depresive episode, his mind going around the idea that of course you will love someone else, why would you love an idiot like him? he haven't forgiven himself for what he have done to Shouko so of course he doesn't deserve to be happy with the person he loves, you'll probably think that he is a monster too when you find out what he have done

His mind goes back an forth between the self depracation and the constant reminder that he doesn't deserve you, you don't deserve to be stuck with someone like him after all. Its going to take a lot of efforts and even help from his friends to help him get out of this state, but even when he calms down the self-hate is back, and thanks to that he will not be able to even look at you because he wants you to be happy, wich he now believes isn't with him

But if you two are already friends the problem comes when you show that you were worried too, if you come to him asking if he is alright or just expressing relief or even happiness to finally see him again then his feelings will get over him again, this is what he truly wants, he wants your comfort and reasurance, and now that you are giving it to him Ishida can't just let you go like that, he doesn't want to lose this

If you show genuine and positive feelings for him, showing him that you truly care he will practically forget about the idea of leaving you go and go back to the feeling of wanting your forgiveness and aproval, but since there is someone who is treaten to take away, his precious ray of hope then he will try more and more to be of your liking, to make you look at him and love him instead of that other person

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