#a number of different selves

[rozaceous]

ands: the new year's debacle

Wayne Enterprises & Subsidiaries NYE Event, where Director Yang is in attendance with a tall, gorgeous, and mysterious Plus One. They are both seen cheerfully making conversation with Chief Fox, much to the bafflement of the combined office betting pools.

(aka: post bruce and co resolving the UST over the holidays, it's Wayne E's holiday party and he finds out that vivienne and rosalyn know each other, and know each other well. ft: kevin the mortified and unsuspecting office worker.)

“I’m not—” Kevin feels his heels slipping as both Patricia and Claire pretend to double-over with laughter, arms hooked around his as a pretense to frogmarch him towards the trio at the large window of the event space.

“The General likes you best,” Henry says in that obnoxious way where he thinks he’s contributing to the discussion, but it’s just hot air.

“Marvin the Martian’s her favorite,” he refutes.

Simon gives a hard stare over at their wayward co-worker and they all follow his gaze. Marvin “the Martian” is either trying to describe how superconductors work or the mechanics of the wobbling gelatin dessert in his hands to his plus one. Poor woman looks completely lost, as if she’s been beamed to another planet.

“She thinks his nickname is funny, but she thinks you’re actually funny,” Johanna explains with a tone of talking down to a toddler.

Another voice joins their conversation. “Maybe you can go? Female-female solidarity?” He was thinking it, and Michael is the one to say it out loud. He comes up behind Simon, nodding greetings and holding hors d'oeuvres.

Johanna gives him a scornful once-over. She doesn’t move any closer despite the haughty attitude—she’s just as terrified of their boss as the rest of them are.

Kevin continues to struggle to no avail. He hisses, “Ladies, please!”

They’re slowly but steadily inching closer towards doom. Kevin’s never been a proponent of more than a light jog every two days, but the way Henry looks pityingly at him makes him reconsider stopping by the top-of-the-line gym facilities that all WayneTech employees get access to. Unfortunately, it means he’d have to account for running into trouble outside of business hours, as well.

Speaking of trouble—

“Director Yang!” Patricia gives off a bubbly laugh—the only natural blonde on their floor and she leans hard into it. Kevin would buy in, too, if he hasn’t seen how she gave that Enterprise Division asshole Asher Mulland the run-around. He was none the wiser, either; too busy dealing with Director Yang reaming him for wasting everyone’s time when his side pushed for ‘tighter integration’ in the first place.

“Patricia, off-hours,” Director Yang says with a small raise of her champagne flute. “I see you and Claire are…” The way she trails off that sentence while looking askance at him makes Kevin want his every molecules to drop down to absolute zero, no motion whatsoever.

If he doesn’t move, she can’t see him, right?

“Kevin’s more fun than the rest of the boys’ club you’re running, Vivienne.” Claire is both purposefully casual and careful with how she says Director Yang’s name. The little curl of the draconian woman’s lips—blood red lacquer and a hint of teeth—at that mockery seems to be a good sign (if an unnerving sight all the same), as the rest of the women in their circle start to laugh.

“We came over because we had to know who you’re wearing?” Patricia ends her statement with a questioning lilt.

“Hervé Léger,” she answers easily, and the striking brunette next to her leans close to clink their flutes together with a laugh. “Nothing wrong with a bit of excitement to greet the new year,” Director Yang says with a warm expression that actually reaches her eyes, curving them into crescents.

“As if you need an excuse to buy more clothes or shoes,” the brunette teases with a winsome smile, and all that prompts is a small flicker of an eye roll before Director Yang leans into her side.

“Where would she be without her shoes?” Chief Fox adds on dryly. “They’ve been making a statement since her undergraduate showcase. The terror of her division, too, if the scuttlebutt’s to be believed.”

“The terror of her calves, more like,” Statuesque Brunette jumps back in.

“But you have to admit they look amazing.” Director Yang’s tone takes on an unrecognizable quality.

Kevin has to admit nothing. He’s not looking at how his boss is in a dress that shows off her arms and shoulders and back and legs, and even if he were, his brain would do him the courtesy of applying a pixelated modesty filter over things no human was meant to perceive.

She looks over at them as if on cue and his mind goes blank with momentary terror. Maybe she can read minds. Maybe Claire says something agreeable or whatever, and Patricia nods along, but he can’t process the words.

It’s bizarre and hair-raising. She’s never gone out of her way to make it known, but within the first two years of working at WayneTech it was factual that Vivienne Yang was a hardass at best and a tyrant at worst. The fact that she’s rarely wrong and backed up all but officially by the CTO of WayneTech and acting CEO of Wayne Enterprises Lucius Fox means that she has leeway to be as despotic as she pleases. It’s true that one would have to monumentally cause something to go FUBAR for her to turn her attention on them, but those with survival instincts cringe at the sound of ‘click-clack-click-clack’ heels marching directly towards their desk.

The horsemen of the apocalypse in his dreams wore fitted suit jackets and pussy-bow blouses, and were all the more terrifying for it.

Hires that didn’t know better and got cocky—they were usually the type to run their mouths, fuck up anyways, and got made examples out of. It’d be better if she yelled, but she would coldly and without pause tear into every bit of their professional and technical integrity until there was nothing left. If it were Kevin, he wouldn’t even dare apply to a different job elsewhere, non-compete clauses notwithstanding.

When he gains awareness of the conversation again, it’s at the mention of his name.

“—must be Kevin.” Statuesque Brunette smiles over at him, with the most perfectly manicured and shaped hand reaching out for a greeting. She’s taller than him, too. “Vi’s told me a lot about you. I’m Rosalyn.”

“I—ah—” And thank god he automatically reaches over to shake her hand, even as he stutters. To his horror, Patricia and Claire are nowhere to be seen. He’s on his own. “All good things, I hope? We’re, well…’the nail that sticks out gets the hammer,’ as they say around here.” He tries for a joke to break the tension.

“You stick out in a good way,” Rosalyn says warmly, reassuringly, except it makes him that much more afraid. “Notable work, great attitude.”

Director Yang doesn’t point out anything unless it’s an egregious error. It’s either ‘good, proceed,’ ‘alright, I see,’ or the dreaded ‘hm.’ And then it all goes downhill from there.

“You’re the division’s foremost expert on frogs, right?” Rosalyn brings up, her straight, ivory teeth flashing in a show of mirth. She tucks shiny, flawlessly wavy hair behind an ear.

“Toads, actually,” comes out of his mouth before he can process the fact that Director Yang has 1) seen his work desktop background, and 2) told her plus one about it.

“Toads, Ros,” Director Yang concurs and takes a sip of champagne. “There’s a difference.”

He must be in a lucid nightmare right now, because Chief Fox nods thoughtfully and Rosalyn hums before asking, “So, what is the difference?”

His parents were right; he should have gone to church more and played less in the swamp, because a toad-shaped demon takes possession of him to rattle on about the differences and he can’t stop himself. The fact that Director Yang and Chief Fox hold a little side conversation but still have the wherewithal to nod along, even adding in little factoids of their own to Rosalyn’s follow-up questions, traps him in this never-ending psychotic break.

“—and Michael’s finally here to complete the duo act,” Director Yang drawls when Kevin has a pause. “I was wondering how long you two could bear to be separated.”

“These two submitted the winning proposal for the small-sat bid, yes?” Chief Fox turns an appraising look towards them. “Good work.”

“And lively all-hands meetings, from what I hear,” Rosalyn comments wryly.

Cold sweat drips down his back, and Michael’s not doing any better now that he’s also in their sights. His smile freezes in a way that starts to look like a grimace.

“So, how were the holidays?” Director Yang brings everything back to polite, standard conversation. “I assume everyone’s hard-fought-for and well-deserved PTO was spent wisely?”

“That does include you, too, Vi,” Chief Fox says.

Rosalyn chuckles. “Oh, don’t worry about that—she was forced to take it easy because—”

Kevin thinks he might prefer the regular work week interactions—at least he has those rules of engagement memorized. Here, he feels like a bug on display in front of the two most terrifying individuals at the company and a cheerfully intimidating plus one; the mood is awkward and Michael’s expression shows he clearly regrets coming over to bail him out.

---

Half an hour later, Kevin and Michael have made a partial escape and are lingering to the side of the room’s large window and attempting to look like they’re making conversation instead of standing awkwardly close to the curtains and eavesdropping as Rosalyn is now regaling Chief Fox with the details of a recent house tour she and Director Yang had taken. She has him honest-to-god chuckling. It’s just not right.

Kevin and Michael are still sharing bulging eye contact at the revelation of Director Yang getting a house with anybody, much less her apparent girlfriend(?) —Chief Fox seems to handle this information with more grace, but then he actually seems to like Director Yang—when Rosalyn is interrupted by the man of the perpetual hour.

“—wiring done by someone who’s idea of electricity hasn’t gained any sophistication past flying a kite in a storm based on the way the bathroom light sparked when I turned it on—”

“Of course I’d find you with the smartest, most beautiful women in the room, Lucius,” says Bruce Wayne, a half-emptied glass of champagne in hand as he smoothly sidles his way into their conversation. He and Chief Fox exchange a brief handshake and inquiry-answer about Chief Fox’s wife, who had other obligations.

And then—

“Hi, Bruce.” Rosalyn leans in to hug Mr Wayne and kiss his cheek. Kevin makes a choking noise and Michael elbows him to make him be quiet, transfixed by the way the very fabric of the universe is unraveling in front of them. “I was wondering if I’d get to see you this evening.”

“If I’d known you were coming, I would’ve been here that much sooner, Rosalyn,” Mr Wayne returns. He pecks her cheek back and releases her, hand trailing her midback as he pulls away. “What brings you to my neck of the woods?”

“I’m Vivienne’s plus one.”

“Bruce,” greets Director Yang with a smile that for once has settled on something that doesn’t look like she’s considering evisceration. Her handshake appears similarly nonviolent; she even goes so far as to add a second hand on top. Kevin and Michael glance quickly at one another, neither sure if it’s a play for dominance or an uncharacteristic but genuine expression of warmth. “Happy New Year’s.”

Mr Wayne reclaims his hand, head tilted just slightly, but still looking happy as a clam, if a little confused. “Happy New Year’s, Vivienne. I didn’t realize the two of you had gotten on so well! Glad it was a worthwhile referral, then.”

“Very worthwhile,” Rosalyn agrees. “I’m sure I must’ve thanked you for the introduction back then, but I’m happy to reiterate it.”

“Of course, of course.” And Mr Wayne’s eyes are flicking between Rosalyn and Director Yang, apparently taking in the lack of distance required for him to do so. Director Yang’s smile, meanwhile, evolves into more of a smirk. Kevin shivers as he weathers a flashback to when Director Yang had given Director Schroeder enough rope to hang himself with and watched him do so while in an inter-department meeting.

Kevin clamps a hand onto his companion-in-misery’s elbow, and Michael doesn’t even flinch when his fingers dig in through the fabric of the suit jacket, too busy staring.

“Mr Wayne introduced them?” Kevin asks in a frantic whisper. Why would Mr Wayne even know Rosalyn? Why did he know Rosalyn first?

And Michael frantically whispers back with the horrible speculation of, “I think Director Yang stole Mr Wayne’s girl out from under him.”

Kevin struggles to find evidence to argue against that fearsome proposition. The closest that he can come up with is that Rosalyn isn’t the wafer-thin type that Mr Wayne’s been seen with in the past. Regardless, she (and Director Yang, in fact) both have the polish of Mr Wayne’s supermodel pursuits, somehow—every woman in attendance is dolled up and dressed to impress, but there was an ineffable and insurmountable difference between them and the two women in front of him.

He thinks it’s dark magic, personally. Blood of the innocents, perhaps.

“Rosalyn was just telling me about an ill-fated house tour their real estate agent gave last week,” Chief Fox segues. Whereas Director Yang is terrifying like a guided missile strike aimed at your desk, Chief Fox is worse in the way of finding assassins invading your home in the dead of night; Kevin can never get a read on him. Is this social grace? Or adding fuel to the fire?

“The house was Murphy’s Law in residential form.” Rosalyn takes her cue masterfully. “It was almost comical, though poor Sharon was nearly in tears when a door literally swung off its hinges at the end.”

Mr Wayne blinks and gives a little laugh. “You didn’t mention you were house-hunting, Ros! I’d be happy to set you up with my agent.”

“We found a place in Fashion last week,” demurs Director Yang, eyes sharp though the rest of her expression is pleasant.

Kevin’s pretty sure the way Mr Wayne is showing his teeth now is more about holding in a scream than smiling. He can completely commiserate with the feeling.

“Finally, it’s been months,” agrees Rosalyn, apparently impervious to the tension Kevin is currently absorbing into his nervous system. He’s attempting to expel it, and Michael is taking the brunt. His elbow is probably going to have bruises. “Needs some work, but it’s gorgeous and has—what was it Sharon said?”

Director Yang answers, “Good bones.”

Rosalyn nods, satisfied. “Weirdest turn of phrase. It has a sturdy foundation, anyway. And doesn’t seem like it’s been shot up by the mob recently, at least, which is more than one of the houses we looked at can say.”

“Some poorly plastered-over bullet holes in the foyer,” Director Yang says with an amused raise of an eyebrow. “Semi-automatic, gives it character.”

Rosalyn’s cheer contrasts with her next words: “Though no visible bloodstains in that one! That was the house we looked at on Irving and Park—”

“Terrible HVAC, too—”

“It’s been quite the adventure, in any case,” Rosalyn concludes. “But I suppose that’s house hunting in Gotham for you. We’re only waiting on the home inspection now that the holidays are wrapping up, but that should go fine, and then it’s just closing. We’re hoping to move in in February.”

“Fingers crossed.” Director Yang takes a drink from her glass, glancing fondly up at Rosalyn from the side of her eyes.

Fondly. Kevin is going to combust, especially when Rosalyn nudges into Director Yang’s shoulder.

“Well, that’s—I’m glad you’ve found a place,” says Mr Wayne, sounding a little faint, and looking like the champagne has hit him with a two-by-four instead of BAC.

“Thanks, Bruce.” Rosalyn beams, her cheeks gone a little pink.

“How long have you and Vi known each other, Rosalyn?” Chief Fox asks. “She’s so tight-lipped about her personal life, I’m afraid it’s a mystery.”

“Oh! That’s—” she flashes a quick look at Director Yang “—a little under a year?”

“Eight months,” says Director Yang.

Rosalyn clears her throat, pinking a little more, but Chief Fox just makes a noise of sudden comprehension.

“Ah, so it’s you we have to thank for the office’s standing desk trend, then.” He raises his glass at Rosalyn, eyes crinkled.

“Trend?”

“It caught on after Director Yang got hers and everyone started making a fuss about her timers for changing desk positions.”

“I—well—yes, I suppose that was me, then. I didn’t realize it’d made a fuss, though. Vi, you didn’t say!”

Kevin and Michael share yet another aghast look, and Kevin is rapidly revising his ranking on who present is scariest, Rosalyn now taking the top slot. Anyone who can get Director Yang to do their bidding and make Chief Fox laugh and who somehow knows Bruce Wayne well enough to be on a first-name basis deserves the gold medal.

Rosalyn takes a sip of champagne, seemingly a little flustered, and her bright lipstick doesn’t even leave a mark on the glass. Just in case Kevin needed more evidence of her uncanny, eldritch powers.

---

Nothing as gauche as a shouting match, dramatic declarations, or running off into the night happens as the New Year’s ball drops.

Instead, the attendees are all witnesses to various anomalies: the domesticity of Rosalyn and Director Yang fetching drinks and hors d’oeuvres for each other, giggle fits from the women and a round of full-bellied laughter from Chief Fox, and glassy-eyed looks cast over the edges of a speedily replenished series of champagne flutes by Mr Wayne as he makes his social rounds. Whether the expression was caused by sentiment, alcohol, or pure bewilderment was the point of contention fueling a new betting pool.

The cherry on top is when Rosalyn, herself some glasses in, starts loudly care-taking Director Yang.

“—I can see the goosebumps, Vi!” she chastises, starting to shrug off the jacket of her fuchsia pantsuit. Kevin is gratified that Henry also chokes at the arm muscle and cleavage displayed by the now-visible camisole, the same shiny fuchsia fabric as the suit.

“My coat’s in the car, I’ll be fine,” Director Yang—pouts?!

“Yes, it’s doing you so much good in the car.” Rosalyn manhandles Director Yang into putting on the jacket over her silvery-gray dress while Director Yang sulkily submits, but Rosalyn ends with an affectionate kiss on the cheek that has Claire gasping and clutching onto Patricia, making a high-pitched coo.

“Mr Fox, I think we should take this as our cue to exit for the evening,” says Rosalyn, arm lingering around Director Yang’s shoulders.

Director Yang gives a sharp, two-fingered jab to Rosalyn’s ribs, making the woman let out an “Eep!”

“Lucius, please, Rosalyn,” Chief Fox protests, and Michael’s jaw drops at his words. Chief Fox’s eyes are sparkling at the scene in front of him, though Johanna has been keeping the tally on everyone, and he’s had five glasses by now according to her. “And of course. I’ll be in touch with Vi about Tanya and I having the two of you over for dinner once things settle down on the housing front.”

Rosalyn seems to inflate with the force of her happiness at the prospect. “Absolutely, I’d love to meet her! Luke and Tam, too, now that I’ve heard so much!”

“Little Luke’s a riot,” Director Yang says dryly. “You should grill him on how he thinks shoulders work.”

“Those sound like fighting words.” Rosalyn nods, completely serious, though not losing the sense of good humor she’s kept throughout the night. She and Chief Fox shake hands and exchange genial goodbyes, while Director Yang detaches herself from her date long enough to give the man a two-armed hug. Rosalyn then returns her arm to Director Yang’s shoulders, steering her towards the valet service at the exit.

With the intimate proximity and rhythmic complexity of tango dancers, ‘clickety-clack-click-clackety’ and away the devil saunters with her consort.

The office pool pivots back to watching Chief Fox when, in the aftermath, he approaches Mr Wayne—who had watched the two women leave with his brow furrowed ever-so-slightly—and they share a few words before Chief Fox gives him a clap on the back that looks suspiciously conciliatory.

Johanna assesses her nearly empty flute of champagne. “I need something harder.”

Kevin just wants Mr Wayne’s two-by-four from earlier in the evening, hoping that traumatic brain injury will still be less traumatic than everything he’s been forced to witness tonight.

[rozaceous]

"rosalyn deals w a whole journey of no longer taking him as a client bc they become actual friends"

putting this under a cut for courtesy bc it got kinda long WHOOPS

rosalyn and bruce have a less...contentious relationship than he and vivienne lmao. but there's no denying that it starts as pure professionalism, and rosalyn needs to be rock-solid about her boundaries as a massage therapist. (i'm also going to take this time to tell you that you shouldn't call a massage therapist a 'masseuse' unless you're also trying to imply that they give happy endings. 'massage therapist' is the preferred title unless they tell you differently.) she works w some ppl are v wealthy, one or two who are kinda famous, and, besides that, she's bound by HIPAA. (we're going to say HIPAA exists in this batverse at this pt in time.) and besides which, she's a young woman going to people's homes and working on their bodies, in a profession that often gets conflated with sex work.

there's also a code of ethics that massage therapists are professionally bound by for licensure, just like doctors, and violating it is grounds to lose your license besides just being tacky. and it's really important bc get somebody on the table and you'll find yourself at friendship level 30 w ppl. like how ppl will tell their hairstylists everything. so it's really easy to have enmeshed relationships and a whole host of other weird boundary gray areas.

so as much as rosalyn is trying not to know abt the guano, and bruce is trying not to tell her...there's only so much plausible deniability. and besides that, it's hard to be dishonest w the person shoving their hands in your abdomen to get to your psoas. and bruce doesn't have a wide social circle that he can be honest with, so even if they're not talking abt the guano, he's being sincere. and rosalyn is a pretty sincere person herself.

and bruce tries to get rosalyn to stay for dinner; she declines. he tries to ask her out to dinner; she's got her blinders on and misses his intentions entirely. but at some pt you have to draw a line. at some pt it's past "you're my client" and it's "we're friends" and then it's more ethically dubious to accept their money.

so after over a year of weekly, monday afternoon sessions, rosalyn 'breaks up' with bruce as a client, and bruce is instantly starting to catastrophize. but rosalyn: "but friends can stay for dinner, and you said it was an open invite." and she still comes over on mondays, she just now often stays for dinner.

and then comes the holiday season and bruce finds out that rosalyn doesn't have any plans or even anywhere to go, and so she gets an invite to whatever private wayne manor christmas/hanukkah blended holiday that they do. and so maybe they're having drinks in the study or the parlor or whatever fancy room the manor has for drinking and socializing. and drunk rosalyn is like "he's not employing me, we're friends, he's hot, i want to. let's go."

and she's off with a peck on the cheek the next morning and bruce is suddenly crushed with "WAIT. WAIT. I JUST--" bc he and vivienne er, resolved their interpersonal tension literally earlier that week. pls picture bruce pulling at his hair and muttering to himself "who does that? who DOES that?"

but rosalyn doesn't say anything abt it and is just as cheerful and friendly as she ever is, and vivienne is acting like nothing happened at all and--

and then he finds out that they're moving in together when rosalyn says she's not going to be able to make it for their usual time bc she's packing. and dick finds him in the batcave, staring at the blank computer screen like a zombie and asks what's up.

bruce: rosalyn's moving

the man is toast, esp bc dick, after a very long pause: "that's rough, buddy"

Vivienne/Rosalyn/Bruce where Bruce starts panicking that he’s the Other Woman in their relationship and breaking it all down in his head and overthinking while vivienne and rosalyn discussed the relationship status with each other and forgot (“forgot”) to bring him into the loop is so funny to me. Your OCs give me so much delight

he's the main character of a dating sim that compartmentalized the dating routes for each LI so thoroughly that while theoretically, he knows they are friends (very good friends), he didn't conceptualize that meant they are friends that hang out and talk and gossip to each other.

it's bc besides the occasional cursed brunches, he doesn't see vivienne and rosalyn together often? none of them run in the same social circles.

=

rosalyn deals w a whole journey of no longer taking him as a client bc they become actual friends -> @rozaceous can go into details :)

=

vivienne eventually deals with bruce as a work frienemy/work spouse-i'd-like-to-poison. they both sort of mask the same way (bruce with brucie, vivienne with the extreme femme presentation) so after a while, it's like two imposters recognizing each other and can drop the mask

bruce does have a shitstirring humorous side, so knowing how corporate and restrained vivienne is being, after hours (if she's actually hands-on looking through bat prototypes later) (her joke/truth is they have joint custody of the batmobile and that's her son and no fucking way is her son getting a touch screen installed in him) bruce does needle her until she snarks back without the corpo smile and talk

(vivienne constantly complains "i want to *mangling motion* he's lucky he's so hot. and stacked. and can probably snap me like a twig." and rosalyn just commiserates)

start snarking and bitching for real even tho it's clear from her efforts that she believes in him believing in what he does, and wants to help him do it right within her realm of expertise -> he fucking respects that + personal connection & they are friends now

something something a bit like this post: [x] except vivienne probably says "at least give me a kiss before you wreck my shit" to his manhandling of a prototype during a test, bruce has been reading attraction/tension but vivienne has not acted on it despite him not wanting to impose -> realizes in this case, it's not quite an imposition, it's him needing to demonstrate interest first bc any SI of mine has no fucking idea. cannot connect those thoughts together. (even something like vi "i am attracted to you" bruce "i am dtf" does not equal "we should fuck"; she's the doublethink oblivious expert here)

but if initiated, vivienne's like "okay well, fine, might as well, hng hot, get it out of the system"

and then the next day it's like nothing fucking happened and bruce is just ???? ??????

=

the rosalyn approach happens separately and after, in which i'll leave to @rozaceous

=

but the final bit is: he scores both. realizes he's done so with the callous efficiency of someone winning every route in a dating sim. he's questioning himself in the mirror "who does that??" because it looks completely insane from the outside. before he can try to figure out how to talk to whomst or what

rosalyn and vivienne move in with each other

bruce: 😧🙃🤯❔❓❔❓❓❔❔

=

and then the "am i the other woman" ... "was i always the other woman" saga begins

(he was always the hoe, never the bro...)

(idk lmao)

=

thank u for having delight...it's fun for us too 🥰

[chongoblog]

THINGS THAT HAPPEN IN THE WAYSIDE SCHOOL BOOKS WITH NO CONTEXT

The blueprints were sideways, so now the school is 30 stories tall

They forgot to add the 19th floor, where Miss Zarves teaches.

Elevators are installed to deal with the long climb. They are only used once and can never be used again.

A dead rat tries to sneak into class by wearing multiple raincoats

School's closed due to cows

World's number one ice cream lover devastated that she can't taste ice cream named after herself.

The third book is called "Wayside School Gets A Little Stranger". They don't appear until the end.

The author's self insert eats a woman alive. He would then go on to write "Holes" 20 years later.

One of the stories is called "What?". It's written backwards.

There are three Erics. To remember which is which, they each have nicknames that reflect the polar opposite of their actual selves.

A boy and a girl trade names, which inspires the rest of the class to do the same, leading to an incredibly confusing reading experience.

Benjamin Nushmutt accidentally is called a completely different name, and Ben is too shy to correct anyone about it

After long deliberation between all of the classmates, Calvin decides that he wants a tattoo of a potato on his ankle

One character falls into the Wayside equivalent of the backrooms for three chapters

Two students accidentally resurrect their old teacher with potato salad

One student is so unpleasant that the lunch lady finds out a substitute teacher is stealing the children's voices because he says "Have a nice day" in her voice.

One of these is directly referenced in Deltarune

Pickle hypnosis

[cherry-hulu]

— Sex or chocolate?

Synopsis: Mingyu kissing your pain away.

Warnings: Stepbro!KMG x stepsis!reader, aphrodisiac chocolates (yk the ones that can be bought online), extremely sheltered and innocent reader, READER IS 20, age gap, oral (f receiving), dubious consent, reader is a virgin. don't like = don't read.

A/N: Fantasies are fantasies. Sexual activities must only occur between two consenting partners of legal age and of legal relation.

It all started with chocolates. You pulling all nighters to review during exam week wasn't anything new for your family, especially for Mingyu who would catch your butt sticking out of the fridge in the middle of the night as you look for something to snack on. The urge to slap your cheeks was strong especially because of how jiggly it was, but he couldn't risk your mom walking in on it by chance.

Having been raised by a mother who's been betrayed by many men, you grew up to be extremely sheltered not knowing a clue about anything sexual. The only sex education you knew were the ones taught in school. You knew nothing of sex positions, kinks, and even why the number 69 was so funny to teenage boys. Not that you weren't smart, you were top of your class, you knew everything about anything— except for sex.

Mingyu found out about this pretty quickly when he and his friends were cracking dirty jokes one after the other, boisterous laughs filling the room, and you just sat there with your head tilted sideways, eyebrows furrowed, confused on what was so funny for them to become like hyenas.

Your mom and his dad had been dating for a little over a year before reaching marriage. You had not met each other prior to their engagement, with Mingyu occupied with his work and you with college. Nonetheless, you knew of their relationship and didn't mind it.

Your mother trusted you with Mingyu, always having him babysit you whenever they were away and busy with their own selves. And you trusted Mingyu, he was your brother after all. Albeit not by blood, but still your family.

Mingyu was always so kind and considerate to you, always giving into your request and providing you with what you wanted. At first you feared that he would be cold to you because of the age gap between the two of you and also due to his stern demeanor, but the truth is that he was just a giant cuddly teady bear.

He would always buy you snacks for your exams, specifically chocolates because it was your favourite. You've have a thing for tasting new things, so the ones he would buy for you would be different each time. You chose a bar on a whim, excited for what flavours it brings.

They tasted good most of the time, but the one you chose this time was special.. and weird. It only had three squares of chocolate inside each one cut in half diagonally, and upon lifting the chocolate, an illustration of an.. eggplant.. was etched behind the chocolate.

All three boxes were different, one had an eggplant, the other had water..? And the last one had peaches. You gasp as you saw the illustration of the fruit. One of your most favorite fruits were peaches, you haven't had one in a while because your mom claims that 'you eat them too quickly' and that 'too much of it will not be good.'

Curious to what the flavor might be, you quickly unwrap it from it's plastic and at the whole lot of it's diagonal cut only leaving the other half in case anyone might want a try.

As you chew the chocolate, you tilt your head in confusion, it tasted just like any other chocolate and there was no hint of peaches on it. You were tempted to take the other half to give it a second try, but your alarm was already ringing letting you know your break was done.

Quickly putting the chocolate back in the fridge, you rush back upstairs to continue your session. Not even a few minutes back in to your lesson, you were starting to feel squimish and hot. You could feel a wet patch forming on your panties as you hear it squelch every time you rub your thights together.

It seemed like it was the only way to relieve the ache. Starting to become bothered and concerned, you rush to Mingyu's home office and knock on the door. You were staying over at his house for the meantime while your parents were on vacation.

Mingyu opens the door, he was wearing his specs, a black shirt that hugged his body perfectly, and gray sweatpants. "Gyu.. I don't feel good.. I feel like I'm going to get sick.." You whimper with a pout on your lips.

Mingyu looks at you concerned and pulls you into a hug, resting your face on his chest. "Oh baby.. where does it hurt? How bad is it?" He asks.

"Down there.. it's really uncomfortable.." You whisper looking down on the floor giving into his hug. A sly dirty smirk etches on Mingyu's face as you spoke. He didn't bought those for you, it was supposed to be for him and his fubu to try. But he was not at all complaining.

Mingyu was a sick and fucked up man. He knew that, he was aware of that. He tries to be as lawful as possible, but it was ludicrous when it comes to you. You were the girl of his fantasies. Sweet, cute, innocent. Everything he'd ever dream of. And now he had you. He was a man of opportunities, when he sees it, he takes it and he always almost never regrets it.

Which brings you to now: you laying on your back on his bed, legs spread apart, with him in the middle as he rubs over your skimpy shorts. "Hurts here baby?" He asks ever so sweetly.

You moan in relief nodding yes as he messages your mound. "Mhm.. 'dunno why.." you whisper looking at him, a helpless look on your face.

"Don't worry, I can help, just trust me okay?" Mingyu says, a kind smile on his face. Only if you knew. "Okay. I trust you Gyu." You smile back at him.

"Gonna strip you baby m'kay? It'll help relieve the heat." He mutters as he roams his hands on your waist before taking your pretty tank top off. You never wear bras around the house, your top being the only thing to serve as a barrier for your boobs.

He rubs all over your nipples, pinching and picking on it making you cry out and clench around nothing. It hurts but it feels so good. It was all foreign to you. You had never known of anything like this.

And Mingyu relishes in that. Loves the fact that he gets to do this first, that nobody has ever seen you like this. "Shh.. it's okay, it'll feel so much more better as we go on I promise, just trust me. How about a kiss hm?" He says hushing you from your sounds.

You nod looking at him with glassy eyes. Kisses are normal in your family, your mom and stepdad always kissing you on the cheeks or head, same goes for Mingyu, but you also give him some on the lips, just as he tells you. Because that's his love language apparently.

He leans down on you engaging in a sweet kiss, your hands reaching to wrap around his neck as you make out with him. You love doing this. It was like a reward. Apparently it's called making out because it makes up for everything.

Which is why you would make out with each other all the time as a reward for your achievements in school. Or when you guys would fight, you'd crawl on him and kiss him, sometimes it was harsh and aggressive but most of the time it was just sweet and calm.

Mingyu leans his clothed heavy dick to rest on your mounds, resting it's length between your slit. Another thing that you always do whenever the other was angry or hungry because it was similar to a hotdog sandwich which was his favourite. It helps him calm down whenever he was frustrated for work or when he was hungry but too lazy to grab some food.

It felt good and the words came from your brother whom your mother trusted so much, so you didn't complain. His hands move from your hand down to your shorts as he pulls them down revealing your pretty pink panties who are almost sheer because of how wet it was.

He pulls away from the kiss, mouth going down on your neck slowly down to your boobs giving them love and kisses. Another thing he taught you because according to him: every part of our body should be showered with love.

The aches were getting worse but it was starting to feel good, not painful anymore. Mingyu keeps on kissing down on you until he reaches your panties. "So wet baby.. 'm so proud of you." He says praising you like an achievement.

"P.. proud of me?" You question as he leaves feathery kisses on your clothed cunt making it even wetter than before. "Yes baby, this is a good thing, it helps relieve stress. You deserve this after working so hard." Mingyu answers.

You nod in response to his reassurance. You should do this more often for him to be more proud of you. Using his teeth, he takes your panties down finally coming face to face with your bare pussy.

His mouth waters at the sight, pink and very clearly wet. Extremely wet. "Gonna make out with your pussy now baby, giving it the love it deserves." Mingyu whispers before immediately diving in leaving you no chance of question before you start to moan.

It felt so good. Something you'd never felt before. You love your brother so much, he was just always so kind and loving to you. Always knowing how to make you feel better.

Using his two fingers to spread your folds, his mouth goes harder on sucking and licking your clit, putting you at his mercy. By this point your back was arching off his bed, hands gripping the sheets, eyes closed, mouth constantly moaning.

"Yeah? Feels good doesn't it?" Mingyu whispers, pulling off from your cunt before circling his index finger on your cunt, toying with your clit. All you could let out was a gasp as he spits on your pussy before diving back in.

"So good Gyu," You whimper and whine while he devours you. Slowly, you feel a foreign feeling build up in your stomach. It felt like a knot was forming inside of you waiting for it's release. You heave deep breaths as you feel it coming. "Gyu.. stop.. i need to— pee. I need to pee!" You speak to him with a strained voice.

Mingyu does nothing but smirk as he looks at you, mouth still going like crazy. He pins your legs down to the bed, forcing you open, making you unable to move. "Go on." Mingyu says.

Unable to stop yourself, you let go at the tone, cream coming out of your hole and smily clear substance covers your pussy. Mingyu bathes in this, shoving his face deeper in you aggressively sucking and licking you clean until you're whole body is shaking without control.

He leaves a kiss on your cunt before finally pulling away to admire his work. You were completely dazed and fucked up in all ways. He hadn't even put his dick on you and he'd already turned you into this.

He trails feathery kisses all over your body as leans down on you, starting from your thighs up all the eay to your forehead, and finally your mouth. "You okay princess?" He asks, voice soft.

You only nod your head, voice strainrd from all the moaning you did. Mingyu chuckles deep above you before bending his head down to your neck. He starts off with small kisses before moving to tiny nibbles.

You open your eyes in shock, lifting your shoulders up and giggling slightly getting tickled by his mouth before gasping as he starts to suck. He continues to do all three in consecutive making you moan. It feels so good.

His hands wrap around the unoccupied side of your neck rubbing it with his thumb as he leaves hickeys on the other. The thought of another guy in his position suddenly comes to mind and he feared that if he didn't took action, he might lose his cool and do things to you that you still weren't ready for.

Mingyu leaves a few more kisses on your neck before moving back to run his thumb on it. His full hand finally wraps around your neck, lifting your face up to look at him. "If anybody else but me tries to do this to you, you say no and turn your back on them m'kay?" He says wigh a pout on his lips.

You nod, a smile forming on your face. "Okay!" You say before Mingyu leans down down to meet his lips with yours, pulling away with a smile on his face.

Oh the things he'd do to you, and for you.

[ !!Separate FICTION and FANTASY from REALITY!! ]

[krookodyke]

the substance is especially crazy to me for how like. sobering it is. when i was watching the movie i just thought about the massive number of ppl (usually women) who are always deriding their younger selves for being too “weird” too “ugly” too “fat”, and to a degree in which they almost seem to take this kind of sick joy in mocking their younger self— as if it’s not still them, as if it’s not still You. a lot of sue’s loathing towards elisabeth comes from this, that she’s “undesirable” and “unlovable” and “old”— and yet that’s HER! you are ONE! you can’t separate yourself from your younger self or older self, no matter how much you might want to. the moment wherein it becomes clear how doomed shit is is when sue & elisabeth act as if they’re separate entities and are constantly mad at each other, engaged within this deadly cycle of sabotage. the moment elisabeth truly cursed herself, really, was the moment she termed her other self “sue”, giving her a different identity. perceiving herself as a different person, even though that’s not the truth at all. she can attempt to separate the two versions of herself with a meaningless name but at the end of the day, it’s still you. and that’s the most terrifying part.

[musubi-sama]

Papa Mama, Kiss!

Nanami Kento, girl dad, and how the small commands an almost-2year-old can etch into his heart.

A/N: Thanks @pseudowho for the gentle nudge to write this one out. And for everyone else, if it's not obvious, based on real events.

WC: 1.4K

Fatherhood, raising and nurturing children to become their best selves. To give them wings and teach them to fly on their own. This is what Nanami Kento dreamed of for years. But almost two years in, his daughter was testing his last thread of patience.

“Papa, milk!” Kento returns with a glass of milk.

“Papa, tea!” Kento blinks, and returns with a glass of tea, finishing off the milk for himself along the way.

“Milk?” Kento sighs. Just as he starts to lift himself from his chair, you put your arm on his.

“Sweetest, could you take a sip of the tea first?” you offer the glass to your daughter, and she happily starts to drink the water, quickly emptying the cup. Sufficiently satiated, she goes back to eating her lunch.

You shoot your husband a soft smile, you’re met with a weary, but loving gaze in return. Features worn by time, bolstered by love, and cut by the effort of child rearing.

You both had done your research, coming to similar conclusions with differing approaches on how to tackle the approaching “Terrible Twos.”

Kento couldn’t understand the parenting blogs, as they made any solutions to challenges seem so…. simple to solve.

“Guaranteed to solve purple crying with one simple trick!” “Sleep training made easy! You’ll have quiet nights in less than a week!” “10 steps to handling a temper tantrum in public. Number 6 will surprise you”

But every solution seemed to be milquetoast, at best, and unhelpful at worst. But almost two years in, he started to get the hang of things. The secret is that his daughter was her own person and required him to think on his feet. And despite the new levels of exhaustion he had reached, especially in the early days, Nanami Kento was euphoric to see his daughter every morning. He missed her in the depths of his heart every second she was at daycare, or even just with you running errands.

Kento was a modern dad, bucking the trend by taking the full year of paternity leave along with you. Reassuring you that there would still be an open spot in daycare once it was time to return to work. And he was right. He helped fill out the pages and pages of paperwork. And choosing the 13 facilities to rank in hopes you were offered a spot at your number 1? Of course, your salaryman husband excelled at sorting the data and organizing the thick booklets of information.

When it came time to drop off your daughter on her first day, and it was only for two hours, you both arrived with big, nervous, first-time parent jitters. And were the only full family there in the morning drop off. The other parents sharing knowing glances at you and Kento fumbling clothes, trying to find the bins you needed, almost dropping the thermometer, and giving maybe one, two, three, too many kisses to your daughter as you handed her off.

The walk to the local coffee shop was filled with dreams of what fun your daughter would have with her class. Kento was hiding his nerves well, but you could see right through him. You saw the tremor in his hand, the nearly imperceptible gravel in his voice. He didn’t hold back for the other parents’ sake; he’d never do that. But he didn’t want your daughter to catch his nervous and scared energy. He knew if she felt his anxiety, it would make handing her off so much harder. He couldn’t bear to hear your cries of separation.

So, when you both returned two hours later, Kento lit up with the biggest smile and the most eager arms as the workers handed your daughter off to him.

“Oh, my love, I’ve missed you! What did you play with? Who did you meet? Please tell me all about your day, spare no details,” your doting husband cooed at your one-year-old. He continued an entire conversation with her, even if words didn’t form from the baby babble.

You spoke with the workers to understand how she fared for the short visit. They told you how she didn’t cry not even once. And how tomorrow your daughter can stay even longer, through the morning snack. It made you so happy to get such fantastic feedback.

After a few weeks, you all settled into a lovely routine. Both of you working from home left flexibility for drop off and pick up. And as your daughter became more capable of bigger play times, Kento would take her out to the local park so that you could make dinner most days. You loved the peace and quiet, he loved the bonding time.

As your daughter’s language built up over the months leading up to her second birthday, she was beginning to string together commands. Able to ask for help, food, drink, toys. She even started to command who could sit next to her and then tell them to “moot (move)” away and a new person would be not-so-gently asked to sit next to her.

“Papa,” she would point to a spot on the ground next to her, in the middle of the playground. And Kento is not the type to ignore the requests of a child. He took a polite squat next to your daughter, waiting with bated breath for the next command she would give.

“Mmm. Ah…up,” she reached her hands up in the air.

“Do you want up?” Kento reached over to lift his little one up in the air with a light, controlled, toss.

“Papa!”

You sat on a nearby bench watching, camera clicking over and over, catching the precious moments to share with your friends and family across the world.

That night ran like every other, a well-oiled machine. You took a bath with your daughter, Kento took her for a fresh diaper, clean pajamas, and to help him make, and for her to drink, the nightly milk bottle.

And the final step, you welcomed a sleepy toddler into your weary arms. Tonight, she was laden down with her stuffies of choice, a small Sylveon and Doraemon.

“Okay, let’s cuddle up here, please,” you coax a sleepy toddler into your lap and to lay against your chest. It seems like every day it gets harder as she grows bigger. What happened to your teeny tiny bub?

“Good night, I love you,” Kento leans down to give a kiss to the tiny (well, not so tiny anymore) forehead. “And I love you,” he leans over to your waiting lips as you tilt your head up. Every night you get a soft, but gently urgent kiss from Kento.

“Papa iss?” you both break from the kiss to hear a tired request. Your daughter had sat up from your chest and looked expectantly at Kento.

“Of course,” he leans down for another kiss, this time her cheek. A satisfied smile spreads across her face.

“Mama iss?”

“Yes, love.”

“Mama papa iss?” and you looked up at Kento to make sure you heard her correctly.

“Did she…?”

“You heard her now,” and Kento leans down for another kiss, this time he lingers a heartbeat longer. As he pulls away, in the dim haze of the nightlight he catches your waterline beginning to fill.

“Oh, baby, you’re so sweet,” you coo at your daughter, pulling her into a tender hug.

“Good night, you two,” Kento is standing by the door, soft smile from lips to eyes. He slips out and gently shuts the door.

After you spend a few minutes cuddling with your daughter, you gently lay her in the crib and quietly slip out of the bedroom, leaving her to take the last step to dreamworld.

You sit down on the couch next to Kento. Still feeling the buzz from twenty minutes ago, he reaches over to cup your face.

“How are you feeling?”

“I am going to ride that high for weeks. I can’t believe it,” your eyes can’t hold back the tears of love and happiness. You feel every bit of the dichotomy between the hard moments and the soaring highs of happiness.

Kento could feel his heart grow and swell. The small command would replay in his mind until his dying breath. It would be a story he shared as the father of the bride. An endearing tale he treasured, a memory he could rely on to get him through overtime.

Coaxing you into his lap, Kento presses his lips to yours much more urgently than the last kiss.

[multi-fandomprompts]

Mom!Danny, Dad!Vlad, Kids!Dani and Dan, Batfam and Misunderstandings

Dp x Dc Prompt:

So a bit of a twist on the usual dp x dc trope; Vlad is the one who has come to live in the DC universe for a fresh start after he’s done his redemption thing and is getting therapy and he’s traveling around DC basically starting his company and wealth from scratch but without overshadowing people(still sketchy but what business man isn’t). Vlad happens to be in Gotham when Danny(18 y/o) comes to visit with Dani(Ellie)(5 y/o) and Dan(3 y/o) for a long weekend. Dick, Jason and Damian are the first ones to see the little family in a Batburger Danny dragged Vlad into. The little family is concerning for a number of reasons not because they are obviously(to a trained eye) not human(no nonhuman racism here) but the fact that Vlad and Danny are their usual antagonistic selves(Vlad is in a better place and a better parent then any one including Vlad thought he could be but him and Danny will eternally have beef) Vlad is very familiar with Danny and the obvious age difference between Danny and Vlad(with the kids and their ages added in the picture isn’t looking good). Encounters like this happen with all of the Batfam and Danny, Vlad and the kids behavior and conversation snippets the Batfam hear do nothing to clear up the Batfam’s misunderstandings. It all ends at gala; Danny(looking gorgeous in a ice blue dress with actual ghost ice crystals on it and coming in dramatically in a white fur coat from the Far Frozen) is Vlad’s date(the kids are left at the hotel with their ghost babysitter) and the bats manage to get Danny alone and corner him after the gala and while Batfam has the best of intentions this is quite literally none of their business(and Danny and Vlad were not blind to someone following them all this time) and though Danny was quite capable of taking care of himself he calls for Vlad with his aura and to say Vlad was pissed at what he finds when he answers Danny’s call is an understatement. Danny and Vlad don’t explain anything about the kids or what they are but they do take the Batfam to task for stalking, invasion of privacy, illegal interrogation and overall being nosy assholes who don’t know how to mind their own business. Vlad and Danny then leave and the Batfam are left with a lot to think about(hopefully), when Vlad moves on from Gotham at the end of the weekend Danny takes the kids home until the next vacation to visit Vlad and Vlad stays out of Gotham from then on.

(PS. This is good Fenton parents AU they are trying their best to make up to Danny and Jazz for what their inattention has cost their kids but their friendship with Vlad is firmly over(the only reason they haven’t Ended him is because of their grandkids).)

[phantomrose96]

Absolutely funny to me that the quintessential reason super heroes keep their identity secret is to prevent villains from identifying their civilian selves and targeting the hero’s loved ones, and Danny’s out here like “oh yeah secret identity on it” but completely missed the memo on the second part so he’s guarding his secret identity tooth and nail from everyone… except literally every single villain of the series, who are all independently capable of doxxing him down to his social security number.

Like yeah the ruthless extrajudicial ghost warden with an eternity vendetta against Danny can show up in his family’s living room literally whenever he wants but thank god Mikey from math class doesn’t know, because that would be awkward.

And then it’s even funnier because it works, actually, considering Danny’s loved ones Started It and most of the villains in Danny’s life should actually be MORE afraid of Danny’s family than they are of Danny himself, and the Fentons already parade around with the ghost equivalent of a “kick me” sign on their backs and a loaded bazooka on their shoulders so there’s no amount of subtle Danny could reasonably be to make any difference. And by the time Phantom is accepted as a hero Danny is left with this inside-out backpack of a secret identity that every villain knows about and thats not protecting his loved ones and under normal superhero rules would no longer be serving any purpose EXCEPT for the very vital detail that his loved ones he’s protecting are the last and biggest outstanding threat to him.

[fatuismooches]

puer et monstrum.

synopsis: You attempt to help the adult raven reconcile with his younger fledgling self. In other words, four times Dottore ignored his child segment, the first time he didn’t, and the last time he did.

includes: dottore + platonic! zandy w/ gn! reader

notes: You grow to greatly love Zandy, Dottore's child segment, but you can't help but notice how your husband pays no attention to him. Therefore, you will try your best to change this. Fragile reader, lots of fluff, angst, very cute, you know the drill. Part of this fic is also greatly inspired by this ask (thank you to this anon!)

I. creation

At this point, Il Dottore had a good amount of experience creating segments.

Sure, the number of times he had failed was far greater than he liked, and he could count the number of successful segments with his fingers, but he had the general gist of the process and all. So, he decided it was time for him to create another segment of himself. This brought about the obvious question of what phase of his life he should bring back into this world. Dottore pondered this question for a while. He already made them all based on important parts of his life - when he was in the Akademiya, when he first became a Harbinger, and now one based on his current self not too long ago, just to name a few. He desired something new, something that could be vastly different.

In the end, he decided to create a child segment. 

His other segments were not very happy with the decision. A child would cry. A child would whine. A child could not do the tasks they could. A child would do… child things. It was a nuisance. But Dottore dismissed their complaints.

What good would a child’s perspective bring him? He didn’t know, but that was exactly the point. He didn’t know, which was why he sought the answer. And the only way to find this out was to create the child just as he’d done with his other younger selves.

After much time, money, and energy were exhausted, it was done. The child opened his eyes for the first time and saw a tall figure amidst the blinding lights. Once the masked man noticed his awakening, he looked at him, as if waiting for him to fully gain consciousness, and then spoke before the child could say anything.

“I am Dottore. You are a segment of mine that I created. You shall be called Ten.” After that brief statement, the man seemed to have finished all that he was going to say. That was when the child noticed the crowd of similar-looking blue-haired men as well, discussing things that he could not wrap his head around yet.

The child, now called “10”, had so many questions. Where was he? What does he do now? Why was he called a number? He doesn’t remember being called that before. Was he not Zandik anymore? The child wasn’t sure whether or not being ‘Zandik’ anymore was a good or bad thing. Maybe if he wasn’t ‘Zandik’ anymore, people wouldn’t scorn him so much.

Who are all these people, and why do they seem a bit similar to him? Being but a little kid, naturally, he was lost and confused, and he could not help but grasp the leg of the man called Dottore timidly. Immediately, the Harbinger stiffened at the contact, eyes swiftly moving to meet 10’s. The only person who ever touched him unprompted was you, but he had not felt your touch in centuries, so the sudden touch of the child surprised him. 

Though 10 could not see the taller man’s eyes, he didn’t think they were very kind. The child didn’t think the other man’s eyes were like his parents, or like the people from the village, no, but there was a certain feeling expressed toward him that 10 couldn’t explain. Regardless, 10 quickly received the message, and his hand slipped away from his creator’s.

“Tend to him,” was the lone order Prime gave the other segments before he left, leaving the little one all by himself, despite being surrounded by others.

II. curiosity

Being segments of the Harbinger meant they were busy people. Being the Harbinger himself meant that his time was even more sparse. This meant that any attention dedicated to 10 was few and far between, and pretty much always not of their own free will. One would think a child would be quite disheartened by the lack of attention, and well, they would be right, but 10 had long grown accustomed to being by himself ages ago considering his childhood. Did he like it? No, not yet at least. By the behavior of the other segments, he eventually grew to prefer being by himself. 

But 10 was still a child, curious about the world, which meant that he still did seek out the older segments’ company from time to time. Well, most of the time he was shooed away, but on rare occasions, 10 was able to be the recipient of some ranting by the younger segments or perhaps the observer of their intricate work (that was deemed acceptable to be viewed by children.) However, something 10 was able to learn was that there was one person whom the segments and Prime always seemed to offer their attention, willingly too.

[Name].

The kid seemed to be the only segment who didn’t really know you. 10 didn’t pay much attention to his older selves’ “patients”, but being an attentive and curious boy, he realized with due time that your name always seemed to be murmured by them. Not with the detached or annoyed tone the segments took on when regarding others, but it was different. Again, the young one had trouble putting his finger on it exactly, but if he had to put it into words, 10 would say they sounded a lot sweeter. It was an odd thing to say because if anyone else heard it, they certainly would not label the tone as sweet. It would probably sound simply normal to others. But that was truly what the child thought, maybe because he was connected to them in a way.

So of course, 10’s interest was very piqued. Oddly enough, for how nice they sounded, the child never saw a glimpse of you around the lab. 10 wondered what kind of person you were. How did you even know them? Would you talk about them in a sweet tone too? If you met him… would you speak about him that way as well? He wondered what it took for the older men to like you so much, maybe even… love? The child doesn’t know what love exactly looks like, but if love was anything like the stories he’s read, how the segments talk about you could be said to be a bit similar. 

But if 10 were to compare the two some more, maybe they aren’t that alike after all, considering all the things that were different. If segments loved you, wouldn’t you constantly be by their side, as lovers in fairytales do? If you two were apart, wouldn’t his creator be anguished by the loss of your presence, just like in the books? Yet whenever he saw the original, his expression seemed to always be the same - calculating, tired, seemingly more absorbed in his research than worried for another. (For the child does not understand how well Prime wears more masks than one.) 

So needless to say, 10 was confused. And with confusion comes curiosity, the need to seek out the answer, common for any child but especially for one as inquisitive as the blue-haired boy. In his room, 10 pondered for a while on what to do - he could try to sneak around for answers, but he imagined he’d get caught and scolded by the segments long before he found anything out. So, the child decided to simply ask about the matter. After all, the others always say asking questions is an important part of an experiment.

It’s still a gamble though, the child is well aware of the less than hospitable energy toward him by the others. They have a general… lack of patience for him. But still, persistence and the pursuit of knowledge are traits embodied in every version of Dottore. And so the child gathered up all his courage and set his little plan into action.

It was like any other day 10 had witnessed in the far too familiar lab. He had made sure to wake up in the very early morning - it was the best opportunity to catch a few segments together before they split up to do their separate tasks. Well, hopefully, they were there, some of them tended to stay locked up in their respective labs until they figured out the answer to what they were seeking. The child surprisingly had little sleepiness remaining in his system, the anticipation of the answer he would receive keeping him awake.

For once, it looked as though the segments were not bickering. It wasn’t quiet either though, they seemed to be discussing something work-related. But that was beside the point. Upon entering the room, the segments were a bit surprised to see 10, for it was obviously out of the ordinary for the kid to be awake, much less roaming around at this hour.

“What are you doing awake?” The Akademiya segment, 01, didn’t bother to hide his tone, unwilling to be vexed further with all the work he had left to do. But the child had come here with a determination that wouldn’t be swayed.

“I have a question,” 10 stated. The next segment who spoke didn’t spare a glance at him.

“And it could not wait until morning? You felt the need to interrupt us now?” 04’s response was blunt and straight to the point as usual - he was a segment that was perpetually annoyed. 10 couldn’t remember a time when he’d ever seen a smile on this segment. And yet 04 seemed kinder to him than when he interacted with others. 

Meanwhile, 02 watched with an unreadable expression behind his spotted mask. It was hard to predict what response you would get from 02 - would he be annoyed and snappy or perhaps treat you with a dose of excitement and interest? This time, however, it was the latter, as a grin crept its way onto his face.

“No, I want to hear this question. Surely, it must be greatly important for you to go to such lengths, yes?” 02’s red eyes gleamed, intrigued by the child segment’s nod. 10 nervously swallowed before squaring his shoulders resolutely.

“Who is [Name]?” 

And then all the miscellaneous noises in the lab came to an abrupt halt. 24, who usually remained uninterested in the conversations of his other segments, had suddenly tuned into the discussion at the mention of your name. The other present segments, who were absorbed in their work mere moments ago, now had their undivided attention on the child. 

“No one,” 04 said flatly, but the damage was already done. It was obvious that was a lie, and the child’s eyes glittered with enthusiasm as he began bouncing around to each segment.

“Who are they? What are they like? You like them, don’t you?” At the last question, 01 scowled at the declaration, hoping no one would notice the slight color of red at the tips of his ears. 02’s previous demeanor had changed into a blank yet thoughtful one, while 04 looked exasperated at the whole situation.

“How do you know about [Name]?” 24 was the one who finally responded to the child, and 10 awkwardly halted his barrage of questions. If 10 was being honest, 24 was probably the scariest of all the segments. The one closest to Prime and the most selfish.

“Well, all of you have mentioned them at least once… and when you do say their name, it just sounds like you like them. A lot,” 10 stared at the ground as he shared his observation. “You don’t sound like that for anyone else.” The segments were silent once more. The question was, were they that obvious, or was the brat just really attentive? The answer was most likely the latter, but still. This wasn’t a good look for them.

“I suppose this was bound to happen sooner or later,” 01 had recovered from his embarrassment, “Considering how much Two prattles on about them.” 02 frowned at the sudden accusation.

“Excuse me? That is rich coming from you,” the clone quickly snapped back, for the other was no exception to carrying on about you. 24 just grimaced at the start of another bickering session between his other selves.

“A-Anyway!” 10 interrupted the others before he could be ignored. “Can I know who they are? Can I see them?” The child pleaded earnestly as another pause swept through the room.

“You will not stop begging until we say yes, won’t you?” 04 sighed. “However, that decision is up to Prime.” 10’s shoulders drooped. He wasn’t really sure if Prime would listen to him, considering how rarely they ever spoke.

However, miraculously enough, a few days later, his wish was granted. He doesn’t know why Prime decided to do it, but 10 was just happy he’d finally know about the mysterious person! Funnily enough, the news had spread to all the segments, and all of them had decided to gather in the same space to tell their own opinion about you. 10 had never seen them… congregate like this. They seemed to enjoy the common topic - you - but the squabbling about certain matters (again, you) still took place. The child learned more things about you than he even understood. 

But he knew the basics now - you were their lover, meaning you loved them and they loved you, which even though it was not explicitly said, the child knew it anyway. This was obviously something a bit difficult for 10 to wrap his head around, but he found the idea thrilling. He knew his older selves well enough to know that you must be a pretty amazing person to have them so interested. 

Unfortunately, the child couldn’t prove this hypothesis of his, as he later found out the reason why you were nowhere to be seen. 10 remembers the first time he saw you, accompanied by another segment (18, this time.) Hooked up to a machine with countless wires, hands laying limp by your side, along with your chest that unnoticeably rose and fell. You were nothing like what 10 thought you’d look like. And yet he too thought you were beautiful. Sure, the child couldn’t see your eyes or smile or hear your voice, but as he held your hand and compared it to his much smaller one, he just had a feeling you were nothing like the grown-ups that he once knew long ago. But 10 was disappointed.

“Is [Name] going to be okay?” 10 worriedly looked at the segment, wondering about your current state. The others hadn’t disclosed many details about your illness.

“They will,” 18 affirmed. At least this segment was nicer to him than the others, with his softer tone and gentler mannerisms. He was still a Dottore segment, however. “One day they will wake up.” With that as his only answer, 10 went back to tracing the lines on the palm of your cold hand, hoping you would open your eyes again soon just like the other blue-haired men.

Since then, 10 found himself visiting your silent room, save for the beep-beeps from your machines, more and more often. There was just something about this unmoving, sleeping grown-up that drew him in. 10 had so many questions to ask you… but for now, he settled for reading his stories aloud to you. Maybe you could hear them too. Occasionally, some other segments dropped in to check on you, but they didn’t pay much mind to him other than reminding him not to touch anything, as his presence near you had become commonplace.

However, on one particular day, 10 found that your room was already occupied by someone else. 10 had heard a familiar yet muffled voice coming from inside, yet he could not make out the exact words from outside in the hallway. Carefully padding closer to the room, the child strained his ears to make out the words. It sounded like the person was talking to another, like a conversation, only that it seemed one-sided since 10 could only distinguish one voice. Finally, he got the courage to gently push the door open a bit more and peek to see who it was inside.

It wasn’t merely a segment there to check on you, no, this time it was Prime Dottore himself, sitting near your side in the same chair that the child always sat in. The child was surprised - he rarely ever saw Prime outside of his lab or office, and when he did, it was usually when Prime was forced to attend to certain Fatui duties. Of course, he never paid much attention to his child segment. Unfortunately, 10 had stared a bit too much, as the original quickly noticed his presence and immediately got up from the seat. 10 jumped a bit too, instinctively pulling back and hiding against the wall. But it was too late.

“Come in.” 10 had no option other than to comply, as he shyly stepped into your room, still clinging to the wall. The child nervously swallowed as he scrambled for an excuse as to why he was intruding.

“Um… I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were in here,” 10 apologized meekly, hands behind his back as his eyes flicked from Dottore’s face to the floor. The older man’s expression was unreadable, and it was silent for a good few moments before he spoke.

“I see,” was all Dottore said before he started walking toward 10, or rather, the door. The child looked up at the figure that had now gone past him, words leaving his mouth before he could think.

“Were you talking to [Name]? Do you miss them too?” Now that 10 thought about it, he had heard all about what the other segments had to say about you, but he still didn’t know the original’s feelings. Still, the child was surprised at himself for being able to ask Prime that. At the question, Dottore stopped in his tracks, seemingly contemplating whether he should respond or dismiss him before he turned around and faced his child segment, who then stiffened at the direct look.

“I hear that you’re with them quite often.” 10’s eyes widened at the response and nodded, although it wasn’t really an answer to his questions. “[Name] enjoys your company.” This only served to confuse the child even more, as he then glanced at your body. (For only Dottore knows about the time he found you asleep with a smile after the little boy left your room.)

“They… do? How do you know?” But when 10 looked back, Dottore was already gone. Well, he knew not to expect much conversation from him anyway, but still, he was greatly curious at his words. Regardless, 10 then walked up to you and made himself comfy near your bedside.

“Why do you like him so much, [Name]?” 10 inquired, playing with your fingers as he rested his cheek on your body. But of course, he received no answer from the person he was closest with yet farthest away from in this lab.

Even at the end of all of this, 10 still wasn’t exactly sure of what to think of you, having not had a real conversation with you yet, but he thought you seemed really cool, even while hooked up to a machine.

III. close

Change was not something 10 was familiar with. He was stuck as a kid forever, he was stuck in the lab, unable to leave like the other segments, he was stuck with the same toys and stories and other various pastimes that had long grown boring. So, the excitement of the unpredictable was something sorely lacking in the child’s life. Not to mention, the lab was a pretty dark place, both figuratively and literally. Although the boy was used to it, he wished it would be a bit more lively.

And after countless years of wishing, his wish finally came true. You, the mysterious sleeping grown-up that he only heard stories about, [Name], had finally woken up from centuries-long slumber. 10 was, to put it in a child’s simple words, “super happy”, but anyone else could see that his feelings went beyond that. However, despite 10’s great desire to meet you, he had decided to wait a bit, just to observe you.

The child followed you around, looking at you from afar, always slipping away before you could notice his presence. Seeing you up and walking around was so different from the once unmoving body he was so accustomed to. He listened to your voice. He watched you relearn so many things. He saw how sweetly you interacted with the other segments, and how keen they were for your touch, how they would tend to you on your weaker days. The child had never seen anything like it. 10 would have never believed the amount of change one mere person could bring. Meanwhile, the segments remained indifferent to the boy.

The more 10 watched you, the more he finally wanted to bask in your attention too. But the boy was scared. He remembered all the other adults in his life, from the village, and how they all looked and treated him with contempt. Could you be like that too? He wanted to think the answer was no, from how kind you seemed, but all the adults were so nice to the others except for him.

But maybe, maybe this time, it could be different. Everyone else approved of you after all. 10 wanted to trust you.

For once, his trust was not betrayed. After 10 finally introduced himself to you, you had given him so much attention it made his head spin. Your gentle and loving yet not overbearing demeanor. The way you listened to him seriously and reciprocated the energy, taking part in his childish activities. He was enthralled, to say the least.

You, on the other hand, were initially mystified by the appearance of the child. Not just any child, Dottore’s child self. Just to let that sink in, you had to keep repeating it to yourself. 10 was Dottore’s child self. He was him as a kid. What you were looking at was the embodiment of Zandik as a little boy. You couldn’t really believe your eyes at first. But he was real. Very real, from his higher-pitched voice (that was a really sharp contrast to Omega, for example) to his childlike demeanor and innocence.

The whole deal with the segments already took a bit for you to get accustomed to, but this was sort of new territory for you. After all, even though you’d known Dottore for so long, his childhood was something that came up rather infrequently. You chose not to pry further when you learned of how poorly he was treated as a child and instead offered him comfort in other ways. It had always made your heart ache and you wished you could do something more about it, to soothe his pain even just a bit. But now you quite literally had him in front of you, in a way. Quickly, your mind began working and formulating something.

Maybe… maybe you could help him by helping 10.

Sure, it sounded a bit stupid and probably useless at first, but there was no harm in trying. If anything else, you would be making 10 smile. From what you could infer, his life within this lab was far too dour for your liking.

Regardless, all those hours flew by in the blink of an eye, so much so that it felt like a dream. Was it, 10 wondered. But then the next day he found you eagerly waiting for him so you could spend more time with him. And the next. And the following day. And next week. Next month. And by then, he and the other were no longer merely numbers, but rather, they had names bestowed upon them, to truly identify them as individuals. 

And so, 10 had become Zandy. The difference between his past and present self was just as stark as the name change. It wasn’t just him, either. The other segments seemed different too with you around, in a good way. In all honesty, the young boy thought you were magical because he thought this kind of reality would only be possible in fairy tales. Needless to say, Zandy admired you greatly and sought you out quite frequently. 

He was happy to have you help him with his various assignments - to which your eyes nearly popped out when you saw the length and difficulty of some of the questions. You did help him, despite your shaky hands, but most of the time you stole him away to do much more fun things, that were “more important” according to you. The segments kept their thoughts to themselves unless they wanted to hear you gently scold them. It was amazing, Zandy thought.

The conversation of love had happened one day when you were putting him to bed after a long day. It had become a sort of routine for the two of you. You liked it because why wouldn’t you, it was the cutest thing ever. Zandy liked it because of how nice you were even when he really didn’t want to sleep yet, always indulging him with a story or a warm glass of milk. The segments liked it because they didn’t need to deal with him. 

“[Name], you love the segments, right?” Zandy had noticed that the word ‘love’ came out of your mouth rather frequently, compared to the other blue-haired men. You blinked at the question.

“Yes, I do. Why?” You asked as you tucked him in for the night alongside his Ruin Guard plushies (that you extorted the segments for.)

“All of them?”

“Of course.”

“Omega and Beta and Alpha and Delta and Zeta and-” His words were stopped by your laughter.

“Yes, dear. And Theta and Psi and Epsilon and- you don’t need me to list out all of their names, right?” Zandy shook his head but he still had another question for you.

“How much love do you have in you, [Name]?” The child couldn’t help but wonder how you did it - loving that many people seemed like a lot of work. You chuckled at the question.

“Very, very, much. You cannot put a quantity to love. It just happens when I’m surrounded by so many lovely people,” you kissed the boy on his forehead. “And that goes for you too. I love you very much, Zandy.” The child’s eyes widened as he fell silent, to which you questioned.

“Zandy? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he mumbled, his words further muffled by how he had now pulled the blanket over his head. You quickly connected the dots. He had probably never been told before that he was loved. You moved your hand under the blankets until you could feel one of his tiny hands, and then intertwined your fingers with the child’s.

“Hey, no need to lie to me, dear. You don’t have to hide around me,” you tried to gently soothe Zandy and coax him out when he spoke again.

“How do you know?”

“How do I know what?”

“That you love me.” His head popped back out of the blanket as he stared at you with big, uncertain eyes, but you only smiled in response.

“Well… for me, it’s simple. It brings me great joy to see you happy and smiling, and I want to make sure you continue to do so. I want to protect you, and I don’t ever want to see you hurt or sad. I want to make sure all of your wishes and dreams come true, and I want to keep you safe.” You said as you stroked Zandy’s hair. (You would have said that you loved him just as any parent would love their son, but you knew that with his experiences… it may not have been the most efficient.) Zandy’s lowered his eyes as he began to chew on his lip in thought.

“I don’t know if I’ve ever loved anyone before, [Name].” Zandy thought back to his parents, people whom he thought he loved, but now that he had you around, he realized that his feelings for them were nothing compared to what you made him feel. Loved. 

“That’s quite alright. Love is a beautiful thing, but it isn’t easy. What matters is that one tries.” That was a lesson all the segments could use. It was a bit confusing for Zandy, but somehow, he felt he understood.

“I see…” The sleepiness had finally fully hit Zandy as his eyes began to droop.

“Now, go to sleep. You don’t want to wake up tired tomorrow.” The child nodded and snuggled more under the cover. “Sweet dreams, dear.” You squeezed his hand before kissing his forehead one last time, and then getting up to turn off the light. As the room turned dark, you heard a small voice from behind you.

“I… love you, [Name].” It was quiet enough that if you weren’t paying attention, you might not have heard it, but you found his shyness endearing.

“I love you too, my child.” You smiled before exiting Zandy’s room, leaving him to have wonderful dreams, and then you were slightly startled by the man waiting outside for you. Dottore, rather, Prime Dottore himself. Zandik.

“Dottore. You’re here. I’ve missed you!” Your surprise quickly morphed into happiness as you saw the person you loved. He looked pleased to see you as well, as you linked your arm around his. “I hope I didn’t keep you too long. I was putting Zandy to bed.”

“I am aware. You do so every day.” You giggled, a little bit embarrassed.

“Well, someone needs to. You know, you should join us! We could always use another playmate.”

“I believe you are far more suited to the task than I am. Moreover, how have you been feeling as of late? It seems you have more energy than usual.” The way he quickly changed the conversation didn’t go unnoticed by you. You had told yourself that you wanted to help Dottore by helping Zandy, but it seemed to you that he rarely ever interacted, or even wanted to interact with the child. Dottore didn’t talk to his segments much in general, but he still had to for experiments and general Fatui business. Zandy, however, was the exception. It did hurt your heart to see it happen.

Back in your room, you had some thinking to do.

Now that you thought about it, you should have seen this coming. It made a lot of sense for Dottore to behave like this. You knew his feelings toward his childhood, towards himself in fact. But was it right? Was it fair? Of course not, at least in your opinion. However, you didn’t know what Zandy thought about this. You had yet to see the two together, and you had never asked him about Prime either. 

You wondered what your lover thought when he heard of you and Zandy together, you hugging and showering him in affection. Did he like it? Was he annoyed? Or did he not care, maybe something else? You always prided yourself on being able to comprehend him but…

This wasn’t going to be easy.

But you would see it to the end.

IV. complex

You often enjoyed taking walks around the lab. It was a good pastime and a way to keep your body active, not to mention the times you’d bump into a segment and end up taking a little break with him. Although you enjoyed the time by yourself, it could be a bit too lonely sometimes, which was precisely why Zandy came along. 

You had found out that he knew every nook and cranny of this place like the back of his hand, having explored it for countless years as he had nothing better to do. Therefore, Zandy often showed you around the lab, more specifically, the unknown and harder-to-reach parts, also known as his favorite hiding spots. You were quite grateful for his assistance, as you were sure you’d never discover some of these places on your own. 

Zandy was a bundle of energy that you could handle, well, most of the time at least. Were it not for your illness, you would have matched it easily. You felt a bit bad about not being able to keep up with him, but the child never minded. Although he tended to run in the halls and drag you around, he always paid attention to whether you seemed to need a break. A real sweetheart, indeed. 

Today was one such day.

You and Zandy had already been in this area before, but it was so big you couldn’t complete it all in one day. The kid was eager to continue exploring with you, scampering in front of you and then jumping in place for you to catch up. You believed he was especially excited because, on one of these journeys, you two had discovered some sort of creature… or rather creatures lurking around. 

The corridors always had some darkness to them, so you had not noticed the black puff balls hiding until one of them popped open its singular red eye at you. You would have yelped if you weren’t in awe of the cuteness of the silly creature. Similarly, once Zandy followed your line of sight, stars appeared in his eyes as more black puff balls came out of nowhere, and began scurrying toward you. The singular blue strand of hair reminded you of someone. Your best guess was that it was one of Dottore’s failed experiments.

Before you could advise the child to be cautious of these pufflings, Zandy had scooped one up already and was petting it. At least they seemed to be friendly - they had even gifted you a couple of shiny things, tiny pieces of minerals. And you swore you caught sight of a fluffy blue thing with a tail peering from afar too that seemed to be too shy to approach. Perhaps Dottore would let you keep them as a pet if you asked?

You giggled to yourself as you finished reminiscing about that. You did hope you ran into those things again. Meanwhile, Zandy had already gone ahead, turning into another hall.

“Now Zandy, don’t run too fast before you trip and fall!” You called after him, increasing the pace of your steps to chase after him.

“Come on, all the Mr. Fluffies are wait-” Zandy’s joyful voice abruptly stopped. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion before pushing yourself to jog a little faster. And that’s when you saw the reason why he had stopped - Dottore was standing over the little boy, the height difference so palpable that they both had to crane their neck to view the other. It seemed that Zandy bumped into him, but you were happy to see your two favorite people together. Perhaps this was a good chance to put another plan into action!

“Hello, Dottore. I’m glad to see you out of your office so much,” you greeted your lover with a pleasant smile. The man had no expression, while the boy hid his relief when he saw you. You tried not to bite your lip.

“I did not expect to see you here.”

“You know I like to take my daily walks, so Zandy here was just showing me some more places to go. But it looks like your secret spots aren’t so secret anymore, are they Zandy?” You chuckled light-heartedly, but when you looked down, you saw that the child was fidgeting with his fingers awkwardly, clinging onto your cling.

“Mhm.” Your smile fell.

“I see.” The two did not make eye contact, the tension suffocating. You cleared your throat.

“W-We could use another person to-”

“Unfortunately, I am preoccupied at the moment,” the Harbinger quickly dismissed your request. “However, do remember not to push yourself. Your body is still weak.”

“... Of course.”

“Good.” With a nod to you and without further eye contact to Zandy, he walked away. You held back a sigh before you ruffled the kid’s hair.

“Shall we continue?” Your smile didn’t reach all the way to your eyes, but you hoped Zandy wouldn’t realize. But before you could move, he spoke.

“Why do you like him so much, [Name]?” The child repeated the question he remembered asking you while you were still asleep. This time, however, he would finally get an answer. You crouched down to Zandy’s level, placing your hands on his shoulders as you pondered what to say. 

“I love Dottore because… he makes me feel loved too. For centuries, he’s treated me better than anyone else. His kindness may not be typical, but I still receive it happily. His sweetness is bitter, but the taste is pleasurable. His love isn’t ordinary, but it soothes me either way.”

“That makes sense.” Zandy knew that wasn’t a lie. He had seen how his creator treated you. “Then Prime must feel the opposite toward me.”

“That’s not true.” You frowned as you immediately shot down the thought, stroking Zandy’s cheek gently. “Dottore just-” Before you could finish, Zandy looked up at you with a wide, forced smile as he broke free from your hold.

“It’s okay, [Name]. It doesn’t bother me. Now let’s go, I want to find those puffy things again!” And then the child was off, and you were left with an aching heart.

That same night, you paid Dottore a visit, unwilling to be a bystander in this anymore. At least he was doing paperwork this time. It was easier to gain his attention than when he was doing an experiment.

“Dottore.”

“Hello, [Name].” The scholar didn’t look up from his work, as he was already used to you popping in and hanging around for a bit.

“Are you busy?”

“I-”

“Good. We need to talk.” Dottore paused and looked up at you for a moment, who had now stood in front of him, your hands balled on his desk. He took in the dissatisfied look and thin line in replace of your usual smile, before responding.

“About?”

“Why do you ignore Zandy so much?” You said plainly, not in the mood to beat around the bush. From the way his pen stopped, you think he knew this was coming eventually.

“I simply do not have time to entertain the whims of a child.”

“It has nothing to do with that! I-, this is just basic decency. It feels to me that your lack of consideration is on purpose. It is, isn’t it?” Dottore was silent, not even moving his pen.

“Answer me, Zandik.”

“He has you. It is enough.”

“It is not enough. Zandy is a child. He is hurt by you. You are hurting yourself, Zandik. Do you expect me to be okay with this?” Dottore’s pen had started moving again. Your palms hurt from your fingers digging into them so harshly. In a last-ditch effort, you attempted to speak to him using those terms he liked so much.

“Did you not create him to understand his perspective of everything? So, how do you plan to do that if you do not try to speak to him?” It seemed you were not going to let this go.

“I created my segments to observe their perspectives. To preserve it,” Dottore clarified. 

“Observe?” You laughed at that. “Pray tell, how will you do that if you don’t even try to be around the child for more than five seconds? And besides, merely observing never brings you the most satisfying results. I thought you of all people would understand that,” you quipped back. 

“Please, at least… at least tell me you’re going to try. Just try, even if it doesn’t work out,” you pleaded with your love. Unfortunately, your words could not reach him.

“It is late. You should go to sleep.” You gritted your teeth at his response.

“Fine. Then I will simply treat you the same way as you do with Zandy.” As he opened his mouth to defy your declaration, you quickly spoke again. “If you think I won’t do it, then you forgot the person I was in the Akademiya, and who I still am now. I do this because I love every single version of you, Zandik, more than anything else in this world. If you want to test my love, then by all means go ahead, but I doubt you’ll find even one possibility where you’ll be able to. Good night.” Your tone was hard and biting as you left without letting him get in another word.

Dottore could only watch as you stormed out, leaning back in his chair to rub his forehead as his mask clattered to the ground. Il Dottore was used to getting his way. Zandik, however, not so much, especially when you were in the picture. This perspective of yours was always… always something he struggled to understand.

Of course, the Harbinger learned very quickly that you would make good on your word. Instead of his name being called, he had to deal with his segments being asked for instead.

“Omega, please administer the medicine for me today.”

“Delta, could you come over here? I feel a bit unsteady on my feet.”

“Sigma, would you visit me before bed? I would like someone to chat with.”

“Beta, let’s go to your lab. I’m bored!”

You walked past him without a glance. You did not ask him anything. You did not refer to him. He was practically invisible to you. You knew that you were technically being more harsh to him than he was to Zandy, but you weren’t going to stop. You also hoped that helping Dottore to be kind to Zandy would eventually spread to the other segments too. The segments were initially baffled by the turn of events but quickly adjusted to it, although the look Prime gave them certainly wasn’t something they wanted to endure. It didn’t need to be said that Prime was awfully upset, despite his unbothered expression.

In the past, every time you had pulled a stunt or something after an argument, Dottore would find it amusing. He had a bad habit of being unyielding and refusing to admit he was in the wrong, and that was coupled with his idea that you were just being childish. But every time, you stuck it out until the end and refused to back down too. Eventually, he stopped finding it funny.

The stalemate went on for a while. Dottore’s bed had remained cold for far too long, no longer having the pleasant surprise of finding you on it sometimes. His office was silent, your visits becoming nonexistent. Despite how he chided you sometimes for bothering him, his mind had become preoccupied with thoughts of you and what you were doing. It wasn’t good for someone who had so much work to do, and for someone who hated giving in. This simply wouldn’t do.

At the very least, he could at least still follow you around to see your sweet smile and laughter. You just didn’t know. However, it seemed every time he longed for you, you also happened to be with the kid. For a long time, every time he saw you be so sweet to the child, it felt like seeing an impossibility become a possibility, and yet he tried his best to ignore it. He knew how fond you were of his child segment, well, Zandy as you’ve come to call him, and he… he just didn’t…know how to feel.

Yet now he felt himself somehow drawn to the scene, in a strange way. Was it because he liked seeing you happy, and the child seemed to bring out your brightest smiles? Was it because seeing his child segment like this wasn’t something he’d ever witnessed before? Was it because he himself had never been treated so kindly as a child, and yet now he was watching it happen in front of him? Was it because his deepest wishes that he buried with his childhood self were now becoming reality? Dottore ignored the answers to his own questions, attempting to finish a report that was long overdue for Pantalone, but his mind continued to wander about what he had witnessed.

Dottore remembers when he overheard you and Zandy having dinner.

You and Zandy were sitting across from each other eating. Well, it was more like you trying to convince the child to eat at least a few of his vegetables.

“Zandy, at least eat a few. You don’t need to finish it all,” you gently urged the child. “How else are you going to become big and strong?” 

“But they’re yucky,” he pouted. You chuckled.

“Perhaps I need to experiment more… I will find a way to prepare it in a way you like, my child. But for now, if you eat a bit more, I’ll… give you my dessert!” Zandy perked up at your words while stabbing the dreaded green thing with his fork.

“Deal!” He exclaimed while forcing the vegetable into his mouth (eating with his ‘family’ for once.)

Dottore remembers when he overheard you and Zandy playing a game.

You had recently purchased a game from abroad to pass the time. It had four surfaces and numerous columns that you needed to place small, medium, or large gears on. The objective was to place the right gears at the right locations in order to get them all going. Although you originally bought it for yourself, Zandy was quite excited by the idea, and you were never going to turn down an opportunity to challenge his brain. Within reason, of course.

In the end, you were content with simply watching the child play with the gears and figure out the answer by himself, or with small hints from you.

“Would you look at that! You’ve already finished all of the levels, and we’ve only started today… I didn’t even need to be here since you’ve got such a smart brain up there,” you teased, tapping Zandy’s forehead playfully. He blushed slightly.

“That’s not true. Your advice was really helpful, [Name]!”

“Perhaps, but your own thoughts were already more than enough. I would like to hear them more often.” The child glowed at the idea of you listening to him (instead of shunning him.)

“Okay!”

Dottore remembers when he overheard you reading Zandy a book.

You had a tendency to invite Zandy over to your room often, considering how much Zandy liked it. He marveled at the size and all your decorations, and the collections of your interests (how you had gotten Dottore to fund this was beyond the child’s imagination.) Not to mention, how soft and fluffy your numerous pillows were. Tonight, you were reading him a story, the child lying back against your chest as you held the storybook in front of you two. 

“Alright, I think that’s enough for tonight,” you said as you stifled a yawn, and you also noticed Zandy was doing the same. “We can continue tomorrow.”

“Okay…” Zandy mumbled tiredly enough not to put up a fight. You put the book to the side and turned off the lights (with a remote, courteously created by Dottore for the days you couldn’t get out of bed.) Pulling up the blankets, you were about to wish the boy good night when he spoke.

“[Name]?”

“Yes?”

“I always have lots of fun when I’m with you but… do I bother you too much? I know you’re probably busy and you also have your illness and-”

“Zandy. I love spending time with you. And even if I am busy, I will always make time for you, no matter what,” you promised the boy (unlike that man and woman who left him forever alone.)

“Oh…”

“See? So don’t ever feel bad about it,” you reassured Zandy, which left him with only the sweetest of dreams to dream.

Dottore remembers when he overheard you gently lecturing Zandy.

Children are pure-hearted and innocent, and even Dottore was once a child. It wasn’t hard to see that Zandy and his other older selves were starkly different. The former was kind and sweet, and the latter… well, you didn’t need to say it out loud. But the main point was that you didn’t need to worry too much about Zandy hiding stuff from you. Once you broke down his walls, he was a very open and honest child. Ninety-nine percent of the time, you’d say. But of course, children were children.

You had left the child in the kitchen while you went to retrieve a new cookbook the Eleventh Harbinger had gifted you, wanting to try out some new dishes especially since Zandy was interested. When you got back, however, you noticed that his face seemed a bit flushed and nervous, and his hands were in his pockets.

“Zandy? Everything alright?”

“Um, yeah!” His voice sounded a bit odd, and you squinted at him while he avoided eye contact. You’ve dealt with Dottore who was a smooth, easy talker that could spin lies like nothing. Zandy, on the other hand, was too easy to see through.

“Are you sure?” The boy nodded in response, probably so his voice wouldn’t betray him again. “Show me your hands.” But he only had a child’s level of lying, from the way his eyes gave it away.

“But-”

“Now.” Zandy very reluctantly showed you his hand, and you then saw one of his fingers was dripping blood. Your heart sank.

“You’re bleeding? I- What happened?!” You rushed him over to the sink and began washing it, while your other hand rummaged through the cabinets for some cotton or bandages.

“I wanted to be h-helpful and get the stuff out for you. But I dropped a plate and it broke and I tried to clean it up and I cut myself,” Zandy mumbled, clearly not wanting to admit his mistake. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You were already used to seeing your own blood drawn, but Zandy was a different story. Seeing your child hurt had made you dizzy and uneasy, even if it was just a cut.

“... I thought you would be mad.” Zandy’s voice was but a whisper, and your eyes softened.

“And why would I be mad at you?”

“B-Because I broke something…” You sighed as you placed the bandage around his tiny finger.

“But it was just an accident, right? Accidents happen, and furthermore, we have dozens of plates. I would never be mad at something as simple as that. And I care far more for your well-being rather than a mere plate. So next time, please don’t lie to me. Okay, Zandy?” You said gently but firmly, as you finished treating his finger (a far cry from what his punishment used to be, living in that house.)

“Okay, [Name]...” The boy hugged you afterward, blinking back his tears on your shirt so you wouldn’t see them.

Dottore remembers when he overheard you talking to Zandy about him.

The stand-off between you and Dottore had gone on long enough for even Zandy to realize, even though you tried to keep him out of the loop. You should have guessed that the child was going to ask you eventually.

“[Name], are you and Prime fighting?” The question came out of nowhere, surprising you but you hoped it didn’t show.

“We are just having a… disagreement, dear. Nothing to worry about. And no, it isn’t about you or anyone else. It is just a personal thing between us,” you added before Zandy could inquire. You hoped he didn’t feel guilty.

“Do you miss him?

“Of course.”

“Then why fig- disagree so much?”

“Zandy, some things in life can only be resolved with disagreements. You’re not going to see eye to eye with everyone, even those you love. But they’re necessary so that you can move on and grow stronger together,” you explained. “Neither of us enjoys having spats… even though he treats them like a joke sometimes,” the last part was mumbled under your breath, “but we do get through them every time, and although it’s definitely not easy, it’s worth it.” Zandy blinked thoughtfully at your response, (an unconventional depiction of healthy love, rather than the conventional portrayal of an unhealthy one he once knew.)

“You’re really strong, [Name].” 

“Strong? Not anymore. Patient? Yes,” you laughed, for you are the only one capable of loving a heretic.

Dottore remembers an awful lot, for someone who supposedly doesn’t care. He remembers all the moments you’ve spent with his child self, from when you were sleeping to when you woke up to the ones he heard through his segments. What you’ve introduced into Zandy’s life is the opposite of what Zandik’s life was like. Sheer love, to put it simply, even someone like him can see it, as he is no idiot. Dottore denies wanting to be accepted, and yet he is watching himself be accepted as he longed for. It makes him feel…

Regardless, this sort of mind wandering was no good for the Harbinger, especially the type where you have forced him to dwell about the child he is and isn’t. Before he knew it, the report sat untouched in front of him for a period of time.

Truly no good, and that is why his feet automatically move to find you once more. In truth, he hadn’t decided what he was going to say to you yet - whether to admit that in his heart he has yielded to you but his words will probably be the opposite. 

It wasn’t hard to find you. You were usually in your room or a segment’s, or with a segment himself, minus the times you decided to take walks. At this time though, you’d probably be with the child.

Dottore was right. But it wasn’t quite what he had expected.

You and Zandy had fallen asleep… on the floor, hands barely brushing each other. Dottore sighed at the sight - at least it was rugged and not wooden. The cold wouldn’t have been good for either of you.

(Either of you?)

He made his way over to the two of you, bending down to move you to the bed. He first pulled your body to his chest with ease before his gaze flicked to the child next to you. His breath stills, hand hesitantly hovering over Zandy, fingers twitching with unease. 

(Since when did he, the Second Harbinger, one that could very well be compared to a God, hesitate? This was foolish. It didn’t mean anything.)

And then Zandik slid his arm around the boy, bringing him into his chest too, and then rose to put you two comfortably to bed. He never thought he would ever tuck his child segment in, but here he was anyway.

It made him feel a little sick, the unfamiliar sensation along his fingertips and heart and mind.

But Dottore can’t resist giving you a kiss, having missed your lips for so long, which makes him feel a bit better. He’ll always have you, his beloved.

He should leave you two to rest properly, but he finds himself drawn to the scene in front of him. The ill feeling still remains somewhere, but a warmth that he wouldn’t name had started spreading too.

As he makes his way to leave the room, he dares not to look at the drawings scattered around, for they are persistent in portraying him as what he is not. In the poor scribbles, he is not a Harbinger, not a scholar or a scientist, nor a monster or the Doctor or Dottore in them.

He is just a man, one who can succumb to the side of him he so constantly rejects.

V. clumsy

You wouldn’t have believed last night happened if you weren’t there. But it did - you couldn’t sleep after you felt his warm embrace, but more importantly, after he held Zandy. You hadn’t even expected him to talk to the child so quickly, much less hold him so tenderly (even if that wasn’t his intention.) When it came to this kind of stuff, it was never easy to change his mind.

Needless to say, you were pleased but you knew he was never going to admit to it. However, you were still proud of him, and you were still determined to accomplish your goal.

Walking to Dottore’s office was something you had missed. When Zandy had asked you if you missed Dottore, the answer wasn’t just that you missed him - you longed for him, you yearned for his touch, you craved his presence. Such deep love was the reason why you wanted to help him.

When you get there, he’s preoccupied at his desk again. No matter how strong he may be, you still worry for his back sometimes. You should make some more snacks for him later too.

“Dottore,” you say as you walk in. The place was as boring-looking as it always is, the only decorations are the little trinkets you’ve gifted him that lay on his desk. His mouth opens to respond but he then immediately pauses, as he processes whose voice he’s hearing. He takes a few moments to study you as you continue to walk up to his desk, now standing in front of him just as you were the last time you were here.

“Hello, [Name].” He doesn’t show how nice it is to hear your voice again after so long, even though he has dealt with it for over four hundred years.

“Hello, Dottore. And how have you been?” Dottore watches you carefully with your line of questioning.

“As I’ve always have.” You hum in response as you glance at the papers on his desk, idly clicking and unclicking one of his numerous pens (that had yet to snap in half.) “I’ve heard your report for Pantalone is late. Is something occupying your mind, perhaps?”

“There is no such thing. The information is simply-”

“You know, I saw you last night, Zandik.” Your words cut him off as you watch his shoulders tense, and then relax. “I saw what you did.”

“I… see.” He probably knew it was futile to deny the claim. “And?” He watched as you walked around to his chair, your eyes glancing to his lap and back to his eyes as if asking for permission. He motioned for you to come closer, and you settled down on his lap, legs hooked over to the side. You were silent for a few moments before you reached for his large hand and held it with yours, rubbing your thumb over his knuckles.

“I won’t ask you to explain anything to me,” you began. “I… I don’t want to sound like I’m pitying you, I know you despise that, Zandik.” He remained silent. “But we,” you stressed on that word, “we can still make things right. It’s not too late to change things, no matter what’s happened before,” you said softly as you cupped Dottore’s cheek, caressing it gently. Your lover remained silent as he continued to look at you, his hand reaching to intertwine with your own.

“I remember every time your perspective clashed with mine,” he replied. You tried to ignore your rapid heartbeat. “And I remember the end result was that you were always right, and I was too stubborn. Yet you always pushed me to see it your way regardless.” Dottore’s hand rested on top of your head, stroking your hair as he considered his next words.

“Maybe this time I shall save myself the time and energy and listen to you instead.” You could have fainted, hearing Dottore admit that to you. Your mouth opened and closed, trying to find something to respond with, but there was nothing else you could do other than smile, ignoring the prick of tears in your eyes, and the way your breathing stuttered.

“... Thank you, Zandik. Thank you,” you whispered, nuzzling your face into his chest.

“However, I must say I may not be up to your-”

“You will,” you quickly interrupted. “You will be. You can do this, with me of course. We’ll take it slow and easy of course, I know this is quite hard and you’re busy and-” you continued to reassure him while squeezing his hand and nodding passionately, while he watched amused.

“I question where your confidence comes from.” You smiled, for that was an easy question.

“Because you are no monster, Zandik. Not to me, at least, the person who knows you better than anyone else. And even if the world views you as one, well… I suppose we would be two monsters together. That’s not too bad, right?” You chuckled, and he couldn’t help but smile a bit too.

“Perhaps you could be right.”

From then on, it was certainly a journey. An exhausting and long one to say the least. But it was also a rewarding one.

Obviously, even though he had given you his word, real life was different from the fantasy you wished for. There were still his overwhelming duties as a Harbinger, there were many days he didn’t even have time for you. And you - there were many days your illness left you far too tired to move around or even speak to anyone. And of course, Il Dottore was not going to change his ways overnight. It was hard dealing with him sometimes. There were still arguments. Clashes. Annoyance. It was never easy to mesh differentiating perspectives into one. 

Still, nothing was enough to deter you or your love for him.

a. the potential attempt

The first step was to get them to be in the same space. Not even closely or with interaction, just to get them comfortable enough with each other. When you proposed the idea to Zandy, the baffled look on his face nearly made you laugh. He initially didn’t want to, which you could understand, but you played it off as wanting to spend time with both of them, considering how Dottore was frequently busy. Getting Zandy to agree wasn’t that hard, considering how much he loved you, but you still felt a bit bad. But this was for a good cause!

You were accustomed to chilling wherever Dottore was without fear. Zandy, on the other hand, was not the same. He spoke quietly and always flickered his eyes to see where and what Dottore was doing.

“Zandy, you don’t need to worry about him. Nothing’s going to happen.” 

“But…” 

“Trust me. I bet he can’t even hear us right now,” you nudged him to look at the older man. “See that look on his face? How hard he’s gripping his pen and how fast he’s writing? That’s how you know he’s so incredibly focused, he tunes out the rest of the world.” Still, the child didn’t look too convinced by your words, so you decided to prove it.

“Dottore, I made you some baklava,” you said rather loudly, yet there was no response. Zandy looked surprised now, you both knew how much Dottore enjoyed Sumerian desserts. “And, I brewed you a new pot of coffee.” His pen continued to scribble across the paper, as you then turned to Zandy.

“See? No need to feel so cautious.” Zandy’s shoulders seemed to relax until you spoke again. “Now you try it.”

“Me?!” Zandy whisper-yelled, looked as if you had asked him to commit a crime.

“Yes, you dear. How else will you get comfortable with him?” The child pouted and nuzzled into your arm, seeing as you weren’t going to give up. He chewed on his lip and he began to speak.

“I… Prime…,” Zandy tried to think of something, anything, “Prime… I ate your sweets!” The child immediately regrets it at record speed, anxiously hiding behind you.

“... My, my, how bold. Even I wouldn’t say that.” Zandy peeked out behind you and saw his creator was still diligently writing, and breathed a sigh of relief. “See, not that bad, right?” The boy nodded, but his mind wandered.

“[Name], I didn’t eat his sweets.” You cocked your head at his statement. “... But I think Beta did.”

“Oh dear. I suppose it’s time to get a lock on that fridge now… and then we need to make some more before-” At that moment, a snapping sound from the side made you two jump.

Ah. Dottore had finally broken his pen. Well, that one lasted longer than usual. You and Zandy watched with held breath as Dottore scowled and cast the broken utensil to the side, before looking at each other and trying to hold in laughter, avoiding the Harbinger’s eye contact and returning to what you two were previously doing. The man looked at your giggling faces with confusion.

“Is something the matter?”

“Not at all, love. Not at all,” you smiled, but by the fact that even his child segment seemed to be giggling, he knew you said something. (He ignores how foreign the laughter of the child sounds to him.)

Regardless, he sends you a look before shaking his head and returning to work (with a new pen.)

b. the awkward attempt

One of the moments that captured your heart was when Zandy walked in on Dottore giving you one of your shots. Needles weren’t unfamiliar to you anymore, and although they scared you (and still did, to be honest), thankfully Dottore and the segments had enough patience to make it as painless as possible. Zandy, however, never really saw the checkups or anything related because you really didn’t want to worry the child about your illness. But you supposed it would happen eventually. 

The atmosphere had suddenly turned a bit awkward with Zandy now standing at the door, eyes on the rather large needle that sat on the tray, that was definitely going into none other than you. From his wide eyes, you could tell it probably wasn’t what he was expecting to see. Of course, needles, especially a big one like Dottore was holding, would scare any child his age.

“O-Oh! Zandy, you can wait outside for a few minutes. You don’t need to watch,” you explained, while Dottore stood silently next to you as he prepped the area of your arm. The child seemed conflicted for a few moments before he decided to walk closer to you and the Harbinger.

“No, it’s okay. I… want to see,” Zandy said. In reality, the boy knew you hid certain things from him and wished to know the truth. He wanted to know how badly you were hurt, maybe he could try and do something for you. (Perhaps this too, is a side effect of teaching him what love is.)

“You do? Well… I guess I won’t stop you then,” you said, a bit confused but you wouldn’t just send him away. Dottore placed a hand on your shoulder and got you to relax again for him. Meanwhile, Zandy had come up to the opposite side and looked at you with slightly worried eyes.

“Is it going to hurt, [Name]?”

“Well, it does prick a bit, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. It’s the same as any other shot,” you tried to reassure him as his gaze became downcast. You bit your lip nervously, about to give him a solution, when out of nowhere Dottore himself spoke.

“Physical and emotional support from another party often makes the procedure less painful for the recipient,” he said in a monotone as if he wasn’t speaking to either of you at all. You and Zandy blinked at him before he continued. “I’m going to start the injection now.” Suddenly, it seemed like Zandy understood the message, as the child then grabbed your hand, and squeezed it with his much tinier one.

“You can do this, [Name]!” His instant enthusiasm distracted you from the prick of the needle, but also the fact that Dottore technically spoke to Zandy, encouraging him even. It was simply adorable.

“Zandy, I-” 

“You know, there was one time I fell while-”

“Oh wow-”

“But I was okay because-”

“I see-” You had decided to continue smiling and nodding at the child’s attempt to distract you from the shot until he abruptly stopped, his eyes flickering to where Dottore had now finished bandaging the area.

“Ah, it’s finished,” you breathed a sigh of relief and deflated on the chair, but Zandy still had a load of energy for you to entertain.

“You didn’t even look a bit scared, [Name]!” You grinned and ruffled his hair.

“Why, I doubt anything in this world could scare me when I have my lovely son and husband with me,” you smiled as you kissed Zandy’s forehead, which he beamed at while Dottore turned away to clean up, an attempt to ignore how the scene made his chest feel.

A family, huh?

What a strange thing.

c. the successful attempt

You were quite proud of the progress Zandy and Dottore had made together, but still, the most important part remained. Now that you had gotten them to be in the same room with each other, you wanted them to at least manage a few short conversations. That was the biggest and most difficult part of this whole thing, but starting small was always the key. And so you decided to somewhat ‘force’ them into such situations. How? By just making the child run errands for you. (Sure, you could have let things run their natural course, but with these two, they definitely needed some kind of push.)

An easy way to make Dottore lighten up was to cook something yummy for him, with bonus points if it was something from his homeland. So that was what you and Zandy did - whipped up a bunch of samosas and even a pita pocket (since you knew he had definitely been skipping meals, much to your dismay.) You had packaged them nicely in a container for him to eat at his leisure and instructed Zandy to deliver them. He seemed less nervous than before but still a bit on edge, nevertheless determined to fulfill your wishes, as he soon found himself in Prime’s office. The man seemed surprised. The child avoided eye contact. The room was silent, without you to act as a middleman.

But Dottore decided to begin.

“Did you need something?” Zandy perked up at the acknowledgment and quickly began walking to his desk, slightly standing up on his tippy-toes to push the container of food in front of his creator.

“[Name] and I made this for you. They said you need to eat more or they’ll get mad again,” the child repeated your words verbatim, trying to gauge Dottore’s reaction. The scholar’s hands glided against the plastic, looking at the tasty treats that lay inside.

“I see. Thank you.” He began to set them to the side before Zandy spoke again.

“Um, they also want you to try one.” Dottore paused. Of course you would say that, he sighed.

“Very well.” He opened the container and picked out a samosa, the snack still warm. He ignored how enticing it was to his stomach and began to lift it to his mouth when he stopped and pushed the box closer to his child segment. Zandy looked at him with curious eyes and he motioned for him to take one. Happily, the boy indulged his request and popped the samosa into his mouth, which Dottore soon followed suit, the two savoring the flavors of your delicious and homey cooking.

“How would you say that was?” He questioned Zandy. The child still had trouble he was being acknowledged so much but responded in kind.

“The most delicious thing ever!”

“I would say the same.” And that was the end of the conversation, as Dottore returned to his work and Zandy scurried away, both content with the conclusion. Dottore’s answers may have been short and swift, but it was progress.

By now Dottore had caught onto your little game, while Zandy was just happy to be helpful to you. There were a lot of other instances where you sent him to Dottore - to fetch some medication, to bring Dottore a letter (that totally didn’t just have three words on it), to bring him some new writing utensils, and much more. The occurrences were all short, but they were beginning to grow a lot less awkward. You were happy.

This time you asked Zandy to fetch a book from Dottore, which was actually a legitimate request this time. He really wanted to learn more about those Ruin Machines, and you figured it would be a lot easier if you had a book as a reference. (Dottore had not yet gotten used to the Zandy’s appearances, still a bit stiff and unsure about the whole thing. But they weren’t unwelcome visits, no, they were starting to become a constant in his life.)

Zandy, on the other hand, had already started to feel much better about interacting with Prime Dottore, thanks to your words and Dottore’s much better actions. The once dreaded path to his office had now become a lot more lighthearted. Sure, he was still a bit tense sometimes, but he thinks most people are that way around Dottore (except you, you’re special), so when he finally makes it to his creator’s office once more he’s not too scared. The older man doesn’t seem to be surprised at his visits anymore.

“And what request do you come to me for today?”

“[Name] and I need a book.” Dottore’s eyes widened. You knew the kind of books he had were… well, inappropriate for some eyes. “A book about Ruin Machines and Guards and Graders and Hunters and their parts and designs and all that cool stuff!”

“I see.” Well, that made more sense. The Harbinger got up from his seat to retrieve a book on that topic, when a sudden and uncharacteristic thought came over him. He did enjoy reading books, as they were a wondrous source of information, but he still far preferred hands-on learning. He wondered if… if perhaps his younger self would prefer that too right now. 

No, he knew Zandy would, he was literally him when he was a kid, but the question was whether Dottore was up to this or not. A while ago, this situation would have been impossible. But now, it was a possibility, an outcome that only Dottore could choose to achieve. He stared at Zandy, who had begun to get a bit nervous at the strange attention.

“If you’re busy-”

“Would you prefer it if I showed you instead, rather than simply viewing pictures?”

“Like the actual machines?” Zandy’s eyes glowed with excitement.

“No, just the parts. But I believe it will be more interesting than only examining them in a book.” He could already hear you in his ear if he decided to let the child near those things, especially without you. Zandy only felt a moment of disappointment before he quickly bounced back.

“Please! I want to see the parts! Can I touch them too? Will you show me what they do?” His barrage of questions was sudden, but the scientist found himself enjoying them. After all, if no one else will indulge his curiosity, then he must do so himself, no matter what age he is.

(Although he’s only a few minutes into the explanation, his younger self’s eyes glimmer with a brightness he’s never seen, or at least never noticed before. Were his eyes always this red? You always compliment the color of his, but he can’t seem to remember his eyes ever having such a radiant gleam. He ignores it, for he’s sure his own eyes were never like that as a child.)

Meanwhile, you were left wondering why the boy had been gone so long. Did something happen? You decided to make your way over to Dottore’s office when you heard the voices spilling out of the ajar door. A young and chirpy one, and an old and tired one, and yet they both seemed equally as excited about whatever the subject matter was.

Peeking in, you were beyond surprised to see your husband and child sitting next to each other, a variety of mechanical parts surrounding the two. Zandy was examining one while Dottore rambled on about it, yet in a logically sound way that even a child could understand. You remember the same thing happening to you back in the Akademiya. 

Your heart beat excitedly at this discovery. The way they seemed comfortable with each other, despite their strained relationship from a while ago… in fact, perhaps you could say it looked like a father and his son. All that was missing was the other parent. But should you ruin the moment? You wanted it to last forever…

Unfortunately, staring for too long had attracted the attention of Zandy, who brightened even more at your presence, and quickly waved you over, which also alerted Dottore. Well, there was no hiding anymore, as you began to walk towards the two you loved the most.

“Well well, lucky you, Zandy. To get a lesson from none other than Dottore in Automatons! But oh, I am a bit hurt. Are my teaching skills not up to par for you two?” You teased them lightheartedly, which Zandy giggled at, and Dottore scoffed.

“Fa- Prime wanted to show me the stuff instead of us going through that huge book together. It’s much more fun this way! Oh, but I should have come and told you though… sorry.” Dottore didn’t say anything, but you didn’t need him to. You went to the opposite side of Zandy and sat down, wrapping your arm around him.

“Perhaps I too could be one of your students, Dottore? Zandy and I are eager to learn more!” Dottore let out a sigh at your antics.

“Then listen carefully, because I will not repeat myself to you.”

“How cruel!”

The laughter of two echoed throughout the room, while the other could only smile.

VI. coldness

You loved your family very much. That was obvious to anyone who saw you with them.

Pantalone who asked about how your son was faring, and if your husband would be able to produce sufficient results soon. Columbina who liked to play dress up with you and Zandy to wear matching outfits, while Dottore obviously refused to entertain her nonsense. Childe who couldn’t help but be fond of Zandy as well, tempted to introduce him to Teucer, but also greatly questioned your choice of husband (and father.) The Fatui agents who watched you squish the young segment’s cheeks and tease your imposing Harbinger husband in broad daylight. It was certainly something to see, and one wouldn’t believe it until they saw it with their own eyes.

Meanwhile, the segments had been onlookers on the whole thing.

You were sure each individual segment felt a bit differently about the situation, but the general feeling was probably jealousy. Jealousy toward Zandy for being able to take up so much of your attention. Well, that had always been the case since you’d met the child, but it increased a lot since your journey to help Dottore reconcile with his past self. You just hoped as the years went by, their attitude would change. If you had gotten Prime to change, then his segments weren’t impossible, right? You did see a few of them start to be a bit more patient with Zandy!

Regardless, you were more than happy with the outcome. Dottore and Zandy were talking to each other like normal human beings now. Sure, there were still moments where they were awkward and silent, which was to be expected considering how many years went by with their relationship nonexistent. 

Physical affection, however… well, it still had some work left. The only person he wanted to touch him was you since he had known you for so long. Even then, sometimes you couldn’t when he wasn’t in a good mood. So coming to terms with Zandy touching him so casually was still something to get used to. Still, he seemed to have gotten used to the hand brushing and even patted the child’s hair when he did well. On good days, perhaps the child would even be in his lap.

Still, now that you had helped create a bond between them, nothing could stop their progress. Nothing at all.

Dottore still never admitted the change in his feelings to you, but you didn’t need a concrete answer when his actions spoke louder. You lived for the new conversations that now occurred as a result of Zandy, like when he tells you about the time they spent together.

“I’ve heard that you’ve started teaching Zandy more now, Dottore.” (Trying to steal your role as a teacher again, huh?)

“Indeed. We have moved on to quantum physics as well as-” He continued to list off topics you definitely did not study as a child.

“How… enriching, I’m sure.” Perhaps you should start crashing the lessons to make sure he doesn’t overload the poor kid’s brain too much…

Or when you hear about how much they both care for you.

“[Name]?”

“Yes, Dottore?”

“How have you been feeling as of late?” His hands crept up around your neck, brushing his fingers along your collarbones.

“Fine. The same as always,” you responded, which was sort of a truth and lie. You were technically fine, but there had been more days lately that had been a slog to get through with your illness and all. You didn’t want to admit that though. Dottore dragged his fingers along your shoulders in response.

“That’s a lie.” Your face heated up a bit from the proximity.

“That’s not-”

“Zandy,” he began, the name still a bit foreign on his tongue, “told me you’ve barely been sleeping as late. And the tiredness makes it difficult for you to move around. Why didn’t you tell me?” You slumped a bit in your seat at the discovery. You didn’t think the child would know that much less tell Dottore.

“How did he know?”

“He can hear you rustling around in the bed all night,” your husband said flatly as you sighed.

“I’m sorry, love…”

“Next time, I would prefer to hear my spouse’s troubles from their lips rather than someone else. Now come here.”

Or the simpler silly conversations.

“Why did you name him that?” He said one day while lounging on your lap. It was one of those days when it was necessary for him to rant to you about everything and anything.

“Name who what?”

“... Zandy.” Hearing Dottore get used to the name was still amusing to you.

“Why not? There’s a reason why all the segments like their names now, you know. It’s cute, it fits him, he likes it, and it’s way better than what you did,” you teased. Dottore grumbled.

“I still believe there were better options.”

“Yes, yes, says the one who names every experiment with a few letters and numbers. Now continue telling me about Pantalone’s audacity.” 

You were happy. Zandy was happy. And you were pretty sure Dottore was happy too. Even through the toughest days, you knew that you had them, and that made things better. You believed nothing in the world would change that or take that away from you.

So when you heard that some of the segments were heading to Sumeru, you weren’t too worried. It was just another mission for them, and although the importance of this one was much higher, you had no doubt the segments would handle it with ease. The lab was emptier than normal, but at least that gave you more time to play with him. 

“[Name], why do we go and collect Gnoses?” Zandy was still unaware of quite a few things, as others were unwilling to explain the details of them.

“So that we can fight Celestia,” you hummed as you turned the page of the book. Currently, you two were reading a rather interesting fantasy story, and the two of you had gotten up to the most crucial part - whether the protagonist would choose to further his ambitions or save the one he cherished.

“Why do we need to fight them?”

“Because they’re bad people,” you said as simply as possible.

“When are we going to fight them?”

“I don’t know, but one day we will.”

“Is it going to be scary?”

“Yes, it will. But I will protect you, from now until the end of time, so there’s no need to worry.”

“Okay,” Zandy said, but he still looked a bit sad, naturally. You softly stroked his fluffy hair.

“Don’t dwell on it. You still have lots and lots of happy memories to make,” you soothed him and kissed his forehead. “Nothing bad will happen to you.”

“Thanks, [Name],” he cuddled more into your side as you continued to read the story aloud to him.

The days passed as they always did. Tests. Checkups. The bickering of segments. Dottore popped up here and there, still busy with the Sumeru mission even though he remained at the lab. As always, Zandy remained a constant in your life when everyone else was too busy for you, so you were happy.

It had happened in the middle of a nap when you were shaken awake furiously. When you regained consciousness, you first registered your body being tossed from side to side, and then the blinding light from above. Ugh. What time was it, you wondered, because your mind next processed the desperate voice next to you.

“[Name]! [Name], please, please wake up. Please, he’s going to-” The sheer fright in his voice was enough to jolt you back to reality. You quickly rubbed your eyes and pulled yourself up to face the boy. You wondered what could have happened for Zandy to be this frantic, but the look on his face made your throat close up.

Bright red eyes on the verge of tears, flushed face, quivering lip, and shaking body. A terrible feeling rested in the pit of your stomach as you were speechless for a moment before Zandy grabbed your hands again, begging you to say something.

“Zandy, s-slow down. Start from the beginning. What’s wrong? Who is going to do what?” You placed your hands on his shoulders, pulling him closer in an attempt to calm him. It didn’t seem to do much.

“Omega, Omega’s going to delete me for-”

“What?!” Your voice came out as a shriek. “Tell him no! Tell him I said to stop! I- come with me!” You had already begun to pull him out of bed and out the door, looking like a mess but that wasn’t a worry at all, not right now. Zandy followed you aimlessly, sniffling and sputtering out words.

“B-But not just me, all the other segments are going to be e-erased too! Alpha, Beta, Delta-” You paused, deep fear instilling in your heart as you too began to breathe heavily. Still, you swooped down to Zandy’s height and hugged him, putting on a brave face.

“I won’t let it happen - you’ll be fine. We’ll just go to Prime, and then he’ll-”

“He approved it, though,” Zandy’s voice was tiny as he stared down at his feet as if he too was unwilling to believe he would be betrayed like this. You felt like you were going to be sick, heat rushing to your face, burning you alive.

“What?” Your voice was just as small as the child’s.

“Well, he’s not happy about it, but-” You gritted your teeth.

“I won’t accept it. You will not suffer such a fate, I pro-” You stopped when you heard footsteps approaching.

It was the person you wanted to see the least and most at the same time.

“Dottore,” your voice initially came out exhausted as you forced your shaky legs to stand up again, “Dottore, you best explain yourself right now,” you hissed, the malice now undeniable. “Tell me that this isn’t true.” Dottore opened his mouth to speak, but he seemed to realize that it would not be the answer you desired. The Harbinger’s eyes landed on his child self, who now clung to your leg in fear. Zandy looked at him in a way he hadn’t seen in a long time. Dottore ignored all emotions and focused on his logic.

“It’s neces-”

“Don’t you dare say that!” You interrupted him, hopefully before the child could hear his own creator (or perhaps, father) say he was dispensable. “That’s not true, you know it’s not-” Your words were interrupted by Zandy clutching his head and squeezing your leg deathly tight, the thoughts of the other segments reaching an all-time loud high.

“It’s happening… O-Omega’s going to do it,” the child had broken into full tears as he listened to the others vehemently deny Omega’s decision. He then frantically clawed at your leg, reaching for your hand for some sort of comfort.

“[Name], I don’t want to go! I don’t want to leave you! I don’t want to…” The one in the beginning of his life, the picture of innocence, dared to take one last look at the one in the prime of his life, who he couldn’t recognize anymore. The last word died on his lips. Your heart wrenched and pounded painfully as you looked away to beg Dottore again.

“Dot- Zandik, do something. Please, please stop Omega. I won’t ask for anything else ever again. Y-You can’t take him away from me…! Please!”

And then you felt your hand become empty, and your leg become cold. Bile began to bubble in your throat. You felt like you were going to throw up, wondering if you should dare look back down. 

You did anyway.

There was just empty space, Zandy nowhere to be found. Not even his clothes, not a single thing left of him. He had disap- no, he was dead.

Zandy was dead.

Your child was dead.

Your mind was very loud, despite not thinking about anything at all. Your hand twitched, trying to grasp the warmth that was there just a few moments ago. You tried to pretend there was the sensation of him holding you again.

Unfortunately, imagination can’t replicate reality.

You don’t even realize how close Dottore had gotten to you, eyes still frozen on the spot where Zandy just was.

“[Name].” His voice brings you back, but not for a good reason. You blink as you mechanically turn your head to face him. You don’t understand why he isn’t bothered. You don’t understand why he did this. You don’t understand anything. And then your face, which was as still as a statue, suddenly became enveloped in grief and tears. Your husband slightly grimaced at your expression.

“[Name],” he tried again, “I-”

“Don’t you dare speak to me like that, in that tone of voice,” you snapped amidst your continuous tears. “Do you have any idea what you’ve just done to them? To me? To us?” You weren’t sure which you would prefer - that he wasn’t sure about how much this would pain you, or that he did know but went ahead with it anyway. And it wasn’t just you, now that Zandy was gone… he would never be able to make peace with what he was.

“My last words to Zandy were a lie,” you cried. “A lie! I didn’t even tell him that I cared for him, how much I cherished him, how I loved the time I spent with him, how much I loved him!”

“Did any of the time we three spent together mean anything? Did he mean anything to you, Zandik? Or was it just a lie?” You relentlessly spat at him, refusing to let him get in a word. “You just used him and the other segments as bargaining chips. Pawns. They weren’t tools… my child wasn’t expendable, he was a person too,” you sank to the floor, your whole body trembling and immensely fatigued, but your mouth kept moving, wrapped in your incoherent grief. “I thought we could-, no, we were a family… Was I the only one who cared?”

Dottore could only watch as you broke apart in front of him. What could he have said to extinguish your tears? That he didn’t quite want to do this either, but he had to? Regardless of the newly acquired feelings about his segment, nothing… nothing could come in the way of what he had to do.

“Would you do the same to me, Zandik? Would you trade me for a Gnosis, too…?” Dottore stiffened at the question. It was never something he’d thought you’d say, considering how foolish it was. Him? Give you up? No, he would never. Never. He would sooner let all of Teyvat burn but-

“He was just a kid,” you sobbed. “He was just a little boy. How could you? You… you…!” Dottore could feel your sheer rage and sadness easily, his hands wanting to reach out and offer you some sort of comfort.

But he was a monster, and he knew it.

[hexxynn]

you're my forever | best friend! anakin x fem!reader

word count : 10.2k

warnings : MDNI 18+, anakin and reader are 18, angst, angst, so much angst, self deprecation, reader has a mom named lucille, insecure! reader, modern!, jock! anakin, swearing, anakin worshiping the ground you walk on, reader is described as having a tummy!, praise, even more praise, anakin talks you through it, arguing, readers parents are divorced, pet names, virgin! reader, oral (f receiving), piv, no condom mentioned (wrap it before you tap it!), creampie, aftercare (i think that's all?)

summary : you develop feelings for your long time best friend, anakin. you fall into a pit of bedrot trying to cope and push him away, only for him to push back. what you didn't know is that he felt the same way.

a/n : my first fic ever pls be kind lol, this is my first time writing smut too, so any tips would be appreciated! im lit new to tumblr so please don't be afraid to request anything. also im literally a slut for angsty sex and praise can you tell? also this isn't proofread soz

You didn't know when your feelings had turned from platonic, to overwhelmingly romantic.

Honestly? It was scary.

You had known Anakin for a while, him being your neighbor for most of your life. That was, until you moved, but only to downsize after your parents split. The quaint neighborhood, the only thing you had ever known, being torn away from you. Luckily— your parents didn't want to move far, so you stayed put in the same town, just in different neighborhoods.

You were two when you guys met, both of your toddler selves adorned with the aroma of innocence and childhood. Your moms had both bonded, over the struggle of motherhood, while you two seemed to find each other in the purity of your early years. He came up to you, with a simple ask to push him on the swing; an offer you couldn't refuse. Retorting with an, "as long as you push me after," which couldn't help but earn an eager grin from Anakin.

As you two pushed each other, giggles and laughs emerging from the silence of the neighborhood, your mothers had noticed the bond and smiled; knowing their friendship, and the one forming by the swing sets, would go on past this little encounter. They exchanged numbers, beams from ear to ear, knowing they found comfort in each other, and a pal for their children.

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

As time went along, they set up playdates, leaving you two to watch shows, and do little things only young kids would do, whilst they sat on the back porch of your house with a wine glass in hand. You and Anakin would watch silly things, and you would play with his toy cars; in exchange, he'd play dolls with you (no matter how girly it was, or how frustrated he got in his three year old brain).

The neighborhood gossip would flow from their lips. Inside, the sounds of juvenility and jolly would make themselves present in some of your earliest memories. Your moms has been content with the current exchange. The simple call to come over, no matter whose house, with the almost immediate response from the other, and you and Anakin were dragged into their friendship, building one of your own. It worked out nicely.

As you grew up, playdates turned into school, and he was your best friend in elementary. Bus stop hand holding was the cause of teases from the boys (not the girls, who thought it was 'cool' you were able to get a kindergarten boyfriend), eliciting a shrug of nonchalance from Anakin. He would defend you, and go back to the swing sets with you, returning back to your place of blossoming friendship. He didn't care much for what the six year olds had to say, knowing you already for over half of his life. The bond your mothers had created was stuck, and would be for a while.

Once you got to middle school, there was a shift, though. He found his guy friends, understanding the game that adolescents liked to play with jokes and gossip. While he still walked you to the bus stop, he didn't see you as much in school. Especially with the deferring interests you two had grown. You had become a bookworm, immersed in studies as soon as you entered the next phase of your life, while he became athletic and would stay after school to play soccer with the other boys in the field behind school. Nevertheless, he'd come home and his mom would tell him they're going to your house. With no protest— he'd go. He would never turn down seeing you. Without prying eyes and weird looks, he could be himself and return to the faithful friend he'd had for so long. The simplicity and routine created never felt off, even as the times changed. He would always run back to you.

Until High School started. Things changed yet again, messing with the routine you two had created. He didn't walk you, or drive you to school, but would bring you food, smile at you in the halls, and nod his head in the structured environment of school. It was more than middle school. You two still saw each other as much as possible, but hangouts got a lot different. He got into football, and the schedule was rigorous. Yet, you'd still go to his games, cheer him on, and wait until he got home to personally congratulate him. He never even let flings, or girlfriends throughout the years, change his behavior towards you. It had never been explicitly romantic, but you two were closer than most. He'd hold your hand to drag you to his room, and vice versa. He'd let you drape his legs across him on the couch, or let him spin you around in a hug after his games.

He saw you more than middle school, his maturity hitting him slightly. He valued you, and you valued him, and that was one of the first things he'd ever known. This platonic relationship he held with you, was one of the things he cherished most. He wouldn't let anything get between you two, no matter what was to come in the future. He'd never let you go.

You on the other hand, immersed in studies and prepping for college, had turned a lot of hangouts into study dates. Which was okay with him, as long as you two got to see each other. He'd lounge in your room while you sat at your desk with a textbook and computer. He'd bring you food when your mom called that dinner was ready, knowing your academics had pulled you away from reality. His nurturing nature stayed the same.

You two had both gotten into different colleges, across the state. He got a football scholarship, and you got an academic scholarship at a prestigious college on the west side. You knew what was to come as the summer after senior year approached.

What you didn't know was to come, was your feelings towards him.

You didn't know when your hand holding started making your tummy flutter, or when his hands tracing patterns on your calves had you feeling flustered. Sure, he changed a lot in High School. He got muscular, grew his hair out, had more charm and appeal. He had girls swooning. But you? You never expected to be one of those girls.

Coming to terms with your feelings was definitely a task.

At first, it was jealousy. Jealousy towards the girls who were able to openly fawn over him, with Anakin relishing in the attention they bestowed on him. He loved living in this spotlight, and the rush he got when girls would whisper and giggle sentiments about him. He adored all of the looks and the eye fucks he would get in the halls. It was an ego boost.

You wished so terribly you could be one of those girls. The ones he'd kiss after his games, the ones who went out with him on Friday nights. You just weren't that girl.

Sophomore year came with heated jealousy, and Junior year came with longing. Senior year, you slowly came to terms with it. It wasn't until after graduation, when you relished in all the attention he would give you on summer days, that you fully realized what you were feeling. You had never had a boyfriend throughout all your years, academics taking priority over any man.

The beginning of summer was torture.

He was mindful of his last couple of months with you, giving you his full, undivided attention.

And you fucking loved it.

At the same time though, you hated it. The torment of the sudden affection you received, along with an endless stream of texts and calls when you two couldn't be together. It made your feelings all the more real, and you couldn't do it any longer.

You were then slowly trying to distance yourself, for your own sanity, to protect your feelings and soften the blow of college. You were frustrated, angry, and hurt all at the same time. It wasn't his fault, but your brain blamed him for all of it. You were starting to resent him, and hole up in your room, only coming out for meals and water. It had been this way for about a week now, in the middle of June, and the contrast from this to the way you were two weeks before was startling. Especially to Anakin.

❥๑━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━๑❥

Your mom, Lucille, was standing on her back porch per usual, pacing around her best friend, also known as Anakin's mom. Though she was across town, it wasn't far. A mere ten minute drive at most.

"I just don't know what's gotten into her, you know? One minute she's going out almost every day with Ani, the next she's- she's- god!"

Lucille was very annoyed, to say the least. The state she had found you in was worrying her, and her financial situation with college didn't assist in her anxiety.

"Did something happen between her and Ani?" Lucille pondered, quirking a brow up inquisitively at her friend, sighing. "Not that I know of. In fact, he's been asking about her," Shmi sighed heavily. "She might just be stressed about university, you know?"

"I know... but she normally comes to me about these things, Shmi! And now she's this void," Lucille sat down, wine sloshing in the glass.

Shmi rubbed her back, smiling softly. "Just be patient, Lucy, maybe try to have a heart to heart with her? Sit down with her," Shmi pondered.

"Yeah... yeah, sure. I'll do that," Lucille returned the soft expression Shmi reflected onto her, letting out a huff. "Can you come by tomorrow morning? I'll keep you updated," she asked, while Shmi rubbed her back.

"Of course. I'll head home, love you," Shmi replied, standing up and walking into the cool air of the house, watching the moonlight cast the house in a low glow. The hardwood floors leading to the front door were bleached from the sun, it's constant rays hitting the floor from the many windows in the home.

"Love you, too," Lucille wrapped her friend in a hug, wishing her off. "What to do," she looked at her feet, shutting and locking the door, heading upstairs to talk to you.

She heard soft music coming from your room, probably from the speaker Anakin had gifted you Junior year. She recognized the soft hum of your voice, and Lucille was then unsure if she wanted to disturb your peace. But, she knew it was for the better.

A soft knock resonated in the empty hallway, and she heard your hums stop, followed by your music. Your footsteps could be heard trekking to the door, that once opened, revealed darkness in your face.

Your bags were heavy, face devoid of any feeling as you tilted your head to the side, "Hey, what's up?" You muttered, avoiding eye contact with your mother.

"Can I come in?" Your mom requested, analyzing every feature you once held. It was sad, depressing, and a mess all in one. You straightened your spine, opening your door wider and flicking on the light. With no words, you sat on your bed, the white comforter all messy and tangled in an array of clothes; unfolded laundry you were too tired to do.

Your mother sat next to you, placing a hand on your back. "Is everything okay?"

"Mhm, why do you ask?" You force a smile, nodding your head. Your appearance spoke much differently though, along with the state of your bedroom. Your hair in a messy updo, and your clothes scattered around the carpet. Spandex and an oversized tee adorned your figure, hiding the body you once loved to dress up with random articles of clothing, a uniqueness reflected in your personality onto your style.

This wasn't you.

"You've been in your room for a few days now, what happened to your summer plans? The job you were looking for?" Lucille removed her hand, placing her cheek in her hand.

You again avoided eye contact, looking to your window. "I'm just tired, Mama," you replied in a hushed tone, chewing on your already scabbed lip.

"I know, hon, I know. But we're all worried. Me, Shmi, Anakin-"

At the mention of his name, you dropped your head again. Deep down, you knew it wasn't fair to anyone. But you couldn't help it. You'd rather put up your walls before letting yourself get hurt with a stupid crush. "It's okay, I promise," you again put up a facade.

"Is it me? Did I do something?" Your mother started to tear up, placing a hand on her chest. The last thing she'd ever want to do is hurt you. She had never seen this from you before, though.

You finally made eye contact, shaking your head rigorously. "No, of course not. I just need to sleep," you scrunched your nose, trying not to let the tears fall yourself.

"Okay... but if you need anything I'm here, alright?" Lucille stood up then, making her way out the door, shutting off the light on her way out.

In the absence of another person, you felt yourself rotting in self deprecation all over again. The mention of Anakin just hurt you all the more. You hated doing this, you really did, but crying for hours on end seemed to help, even in the slightest.

So, you sat back in your mess of sheets and blankets, music starting up again, as you scrolled through photos of you and Anakin over the years. Even looking at photos of him with girlfriends, his smile brighter than ever. Kisses on cheeks, arms around them in photos. A reminder of something you could never be to him. A hole was making its way into your heart, one that only he could fill, and you were devoid of any reciprocation to your feelings.

But, back at the Skywalker's residence, Shmi had come home, setting her keys on the rack, and plopping down on the couch with a soft thud. Even she was confused and frustrated, thinking of you as one of her own.

At the sound of the door opening, and footsteps, Anakin came tumbling down the stairs, excited to see his mom after a long day of work, knowing she went to your house immediately after her shift.

She perked up at the noise, laying back and turning on the TV. "Hello, Ani," she yelled to the hallway, as he came walking towards the living room.

"Hey, Mom! How was your day?" He asked, setting himself next to Shmi, leaning back in the cushions. His hair was damp from a shower, clad in a black tee and plaid pants.

"It was good, stopped by Lucille's after work," she muttered, with him letting out a chuckle in response. "Assumed so, it's around ten— you're normally not out this late unless it's Lucille's," he nodded. "Did you see Y/N?" He then asked, turning his head to face Shmi.

"No... I didn't. Have you heard from her at all?" Shmi frowned, watching him shake his head and loll it back on the couch, a sigh escaping his lips. "No, I haven't. I'm worried, you know? Did I do something?" He asked, looking for some sort of answer. Your absence was sudden, and no matter how many times he'd call or text, you wouldn't respond. Your location stayed the same as well, the icon staying on your house, so he knew you weren't busy. He didn't want to intrude though, and push boundaries, but he truly had no idea what was going on with you. And it hurt him.

"I don't think so, she's avoiding Lucy as well," Shmi looked at her son quickly while she channel surfed, finding something to hopefully fall asleep to on the plush tan cushions.

Anakin sighed, standing up. "Tell Lucille I'll be over tomorrow, okay? I'll see if I can figure it out, might be too personal to tell her mom about," Anakin assured Shmi, standing up to make his way up the stairs.

"Okay," Shmi replied simply, feeling sleep overtake her soon enough.

Anakin, though, made his way up the stairs, racing to his phone. He pulled up your contact again, pressing the call button, and listening to the same ringing tone that he's heard for the past week bounce off of the walls of his room.

He sighed when it hit your voicemail, the sound of your once cheery self beginning to speak. He hadn't heard your voice in so long, it ached and left him confused. "Tomorrow," he told himself.

He'd see you tomorrow, no matter what it took.

Tomorrow didn't come soon enough, though, leaving Anakin tossing and turning in his sleep. He was so, so tired, so worried, and so anxious about what would happen. He had no idea if he had done something wrong, his brain relentlessly bullying him with 'what if's'. He kept waking up in cold sweats, eyebrows furrowed with concern for you. He cherished you like a lifeline, and he felt like he was slipping away as you did from him. When morning came, he had bags under his eyes, and his hair was tousled with the constant running of his hands through his hair throughout the night. He didn't know what if it went wrong today, or if you gave no response and shut yourself off.

He didn't even eat, too sick to his stomach to do so, waving a small, "bye," to his mother before slipping into his car, and Shmi had sent a text to Lucille as he left.

Shmi

He's on the way.

Lucy

Alright, she's awake. Ty for sending him over 😘

Shmi

Anytime. Want to come over while they talk, give them a little space?

Lucy

On my way.

And with that, Lucille had left her own home, knocking on your door and letting you know where she was going. You had hummed in response, getting into the shower, preparing to repeat the cycle of bed-rot you had created in the recent days.

The water soothed you, hot streams battering on your back as you sunk into the tiled floor. The speaker still let out hushed instrumentals and lyrics of your playlist, allowing you to wallow in your feelings. Not even washing your hair, or your body, you simply laid there. Tears were scarce at this point, not able to flow down your cheeks, as you looked at yourself in your naked state.

You doubted Anakin could ever, ever, love something like this in the way you loved him.

It was honestly sickening, in your opinion, how you destroyed yourself over him. Promises to him left unkept, and your friendship flowed down the drain, following the stream of the water. The sad, angry music you hummed along to only allowed for your wallowing to fester into an ugly knot in your stomach.

Some Phoebe Bridgers lyric had you leaning on the wall, closing your eyes. Too many years wasted. Too many tears shed over Anakin.

As the song was reaching its peak, you were oblivious to the sleek, black jeep that pulled into your driveway. Your room perched in the back of the house, anyway, so it was hard to hear over the shower and the music, along with your own humming. You were unaware of the unlocking of your front door, which Anakin had a key to, and the sound of his footsteps bustling up the stairs of your home. Which would have been bad, had it been an intruder, but it was just your good ol' Anakin.

As he made his way up the stairs, he heard the music in the shower, and the sound of your voice, the murmurs of lyrics you sang along to. He also heard the familiar pattering of your bathroom, having also showered here one too many times after games. Your bathroom was attached to your room, and he didn't want to disrupt, so he simply opened your door and sat on your bed.

When he walked in though, he was shocked. Your entire safe space was in disarray, a mirror of your emotions. If there was one thing about you, though, it was that you were a tad bit messy, but never this bad. He frowned at the thought, and decided to lay back on your messy bed, pulling out his phone to check the time. You should be out soon right?

But as fifteen minutes passed, he was getting impatient. He strolled up to your door, knocking softly.

"Mom, I thought you were at Shmi's?" Your voice was raspy, and quieter than normal, a pang resonating in his heart.

"It's me," he softly said, hand on the door.

You were struck with shock, sitting up immediately, feeling guilty and overwhelmed suddenly.

"I'm busy, come back later?" You pleaded, hoping to avoid him. But if anything, Anakin was persistent, and when he says he's doing to do something, he'll do it. Your brain had hoped silently that he'd take it, making his way out, so you wouldn't have to face him.

He shook his head, "No. We need to talk, now. Are you almost done?" he inquired, leaning his side on the door now, dragging his fingertips over the ridges of the wooden door. You didn't respond, and he didn't hear any movement, so he continued to press. "I swear to God, Y/N, I'll come in there if I have to."

Fear struck your veins, and you stayed silent, hoping he'd go away. "We can talk later, I'm busy," you simply replied, shaking your head at his perseverance. You always adored that about him, but now was a bad time for him to do so. Now, you wanted him gone. He was no longer your sanctuary, but a cause of fear and pain to you. Knowing him, though, he wouldn't stop.

And you were right.

You heard the handle jiggle a little bit, before a groan was let out behind the door. "There is no need to lock the door in your own home," he sighed, turning back to your room. A bobby pin should work, right?

"It's to prevent people from coming in, y'know, like you're trying to do," you rolled your eyes and scoffed, borders and walls making their way back up. You heard his footsteps walking away from the door, letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding. One obstacle down, right?

But then, you heard the jiggling of the doorknob again, and the click of the lock, and a sense of alarm surged through your veins. "I'm coming in," he announced sternly, before you heard the creak of your bathroom door opening. He had successfully found your bobby pins littered around your vanity, from various updo's you'd style your hair with during school. For a second, he was glad for the mess, which allowed him to find it so easily.

"I'm naked!" You screeched, though the shower curtain covered anything he could possibly see.

He chuckled, scoffing, "I've seen you before," he sarcastically uttered, hands finding purchase on the counter behind him, facing the curtain. The only barrier between you and him in the current moment.

"Yeah, when we were four, asshole," you shot back defensively, groaning at his antics. You still continued to attempt to avoid him, dragging out your shower for as long as possible.

Anakin grabbed the towel off of the seat, reaching into the curtain to shut the water off. "Get out," he demanded, "or I will personally come in there and wrap you in the towel myself," his aggression didn't go unnoticed, knowing now that something was definitely wrong between you and him.

"Fuck, fine," you sneered, standing up and reaching out for your towel, which he handed to you through the curtain. You stood up, wrapping yourself, and peeking through the curtain. Shit, he still looked as beautiful as ever. Even more than the photos you would look at while letting sobs escape your lips. He wore a white ribbed tank top, paired with gray sweatpants, hung low on his hips. He looked like a mess himself, curly hair frayed at his neck, sticking to the skin from the steam.

He raised a brow, looking away in respect for you. "Go get changed, I'll wait here," he muttered, allowing you to be at least respectable before he confronted you. As a result, you zoomed past him, quickly grabbing a pair of drawstring shorts and a hoodie, knowing you wouldn't have to waste time on a bra if you were in something baggier. After slipping into your clothes in your closet, you opened up the bathroom door again, and he followed you forward to the center of your room.

He eyed you up and down, finally taking in your features and your state. Though your hair was dripping wet, he didn't miss the puffy circles around your eyes and the split lip you often had when you worried about something too much. His face softened, ever so slightly, as you sat on the bed in front of him, while he continued to stand in front of your figure.

He broke the silence as soon as you sat, "Y/N..." Anakin muttered, folding his hands across his chest in front of you. You gulped, picking at the strings hanging loose from your shorts, "what's so important that you had to interrupt my shower for?"

"You act like you were doing something important. You've been ignoring everyone for days now," he began, eyeing you up and down as you fidgeted and avoided his eyes. Those damn eyes.

"I was, I was showering. Hygiene is important, Anakin," you retorted, turning your head to the window on your left.

"You know what I mean," he opened up his stance, running a hand through his hair. You hardly ever called him Anakin anymore, just Ani. The fact that you used his first name sent shivers down his spine.

"What do you mean?" You inquired, acting oblivious, hoping he'd leave and let you go back to your previous state. Though, as mentioned, when Anakin was determined to do something, he'd do it.

He took a step closer to you, peering down, "You've been avoiding me for days now. Everyone, for days now," he pouted slightly. "You promised you'd tell me everything, so what's going on? You know I don't judge," he assured you, getting down to face you, sitting cross legged on the carpet of your room.

"It's nothing, I promise," You said the same thing you've told your mother consistently. "It's nothing," you repeated.

"It's not nothing, if it's got you like this," he tried to smile warmly, show you he was there, to bring comfort, to bring peace to your mind. "Yeah, well, it's not something I'd like to share with you."

Now that stung, a pain radiating in his very bones, your words leaving him stunned momentarily. You shared almost everything with him. Everything that ever stressed you, he'd hug you and distract you until you were a laughing and smiling disaster. You had never been so closed off, so defensive.

Unknowingly, unintentionally, he shot back, "I've given you every piece of me to show you how open I am, and you can't do the same back? What happened to you?"

Venom laced his voice, making you finally face him. It made the blow all the more easier, while it also gave you a heartache you couldn't possibly fathom. "Life happened, Anakin. We're no longer silly teenagers living our lives, we're adults. We're growing apart," you let your arms fall to your sides, helpless to the heat and tension growing between you two.

"We're about to go off to college, and I've been spending every waking moment with you. We didn't just drift, something changed. I'm trying my hardest to be here, you know? Support you, give you a hand, and you won't even open up," he shifted uncomfortably, sensing an argument arising, which has never before occurred between the two of you.

"It's nothing you can help, Anakin. It's out of your control, so leave it be, and get out," you persisted.

"Get out? Get out?" He shot straight up, standing up in front of you, inching closer to your balled up figure facing him. "You don't kick me out of a place that is basically my second home," he raised his voice, causing you to stand up to face him at the same time.

Before you could speak though, he continued his banter, "So you admit something is wrong," he pointed to your chest, jabbing your collarbone while he spoke the words, voice booming out in the silence of your bedroom. Your stance was less defensive now, as he slowly broke down the barrier, and he continued, yet again.

"I told you, it's nothing you can help with," you replied with a hushed, raspy voice, not wanting to bicker.

"Just tell me what it is, then? Is it school? Because while I may not be as smart as you, I have damn well studied for hours on end with you. I have given up movie nights, going out with you, for all of that shit. You're perfectly fine. You're set. You've got a scholarship, and you'll be fine!"

He continued to step closer to you, closing the space ever so slowly, as you shrunk under his words. "If it's your daddy, fine! But I watched the divorce, the split happen. I watched as you were torn between your parents, and held your hand through that!"

"So tell me, Y/N, what is different this time around?"

Your throat was dry, not wanting to respond, everything seeming so stupid now. How were you supposed to admit, right to his face, it was him? Anakin, the one who held you, the one who made you laugh, the one making you cry yourself to sleep.

"Is it boy troubles? Because I haven't seen any man swoop down and carry you in his arms, and I would have heard about it from your mom. You haven't told her shit, either. So it's got to be pressing you, huh? Just let it out!"

He continued his verbal attacks on you, his frustrations from everything being let out on you. You wanted to shrink back, run away, but there was nowhere to go. Your gut was churning, bubbling, as a sob almost escaped your throat. "You wouldn't get it!"

"Yeah, I don't fucking get it because you won't tell anyone what's wrong," he immediately responded, again taking another step closer. You swatted the hand that was on your chest away, pushing him back from the close proximity. He stumbled, catching his balance, before turning to the side and letting out a low chuckle. "I see."

He saw the polaroids of you and him, laying on your nightstand, shaking his head, "It's me, huh? What the hell did I do? Just tell me," he almost begged, yelling at the top of his lungs at this point. You glanced back and let tears finally escape your eyes, sniffling from the flow. He noticed, slightly softening, as you began to yell back, finally breaking the dam.

"It is you, idiot! Everything about you. The way you laugh, the way you smile at girls like they're everything to you, bring them home at night to cuddle and hold them. It's the way you style your hair, and the way you saunter with your huge fucking ego!"

Oh, now he was confused. You despised his guts because of the way he was? Always has been?

"And you know- you know, I wish I was one of those girls! But you've never even looked at me that way, Anakin! That's the issue! That you've been so oblivious to the way I've wanted you, turning around and fucking other girls while I wait at home for your text that you're safe! It's all of it, Anakin," you let out a choked sob in the midst of your sentence, looking him directly in the eyes, "You go around and play football and don't even give me a sideways glance in the stands! It's so, so wrong to feel this way about you, someone I'm just supposed to care about. But no, I fucking love you, Anakin, and it hurts, it hurts so much. You sit and flirt with the cheerleaders in the cafeteria, giving them kisses on their temples and wrapping your arm around them, in public! But I will never, ever, be one of those girls to you. I will always be the best friend. I will never get to feel you longing for me, and never get to feel you loving me the same! That's what's wrong!"

You finished, letting out a huff, and realizing what you had done. Anakin stayed silent, processing your words, mouth open in shock. You were so terrified, yet so relieved that you had let everything out all at once. You knew now that you had crossed a line, broken a border down in your relationship with him. It had turned from sweet, innocent bliss, to rage and despair, mixed with love and fury. You knew you could never come back from this, back from the words that flew out of your mouth. You were desperate for him, and you would worship the ground he walked on if it meant you could receive one backwards glance held with the passion he held for the other women. But you knew you'd never get that, and you'd spend all of your life searching for a person to fill the hole he created in your heart, but never quite filling it up fully. It would be like a bandaid, covering it up temporarily, but the wound would still exist. It would still rot underneath your skin.

"You mean it?" Anakin simply said, words quiet, as he took a step towards you again, looking into what felt like your soul.

"Every goddamn word."

As soon as the curse left your lips, he grabbed you so swiftly, so tenderly, colliding his body with yours as his breath fanned across your lips, waiting for you to say no. You froze instinctively, still coming to terms with the fact that his hand was laid on the small of your back, the other placed on the back of your head, inching you closer. Before you knew it, the feeling of his lips encompassed yours, with unspoken feelings reverberating through the action. You immediately kissed back, gripping his shirt with the arms in front of you, pulling him instinctively closer. He pushed your frame impossibly close to his, wrapping his arm tighter around you, clutching onto the hoodie you wore.

His hand had gripped your sopping wet hair, earning a small noise elicited from your mouth into his, leaving his kiss softening in satisfaction. It was filled with need, hunger, and years of built up frustration. He handled you so softly, as if you would break, tears still streaming down your cheeks. A sob wracked your chest again, causing him to pull away.

"How in the world could you think I could never love you?" He questioned, bringing you into a hug. You continued to clutch his chest, squeezing your eyes shut. He gingerly set you down to sit in front of him, while he kneeled between your legs. His hands were placed on your knees, looking up at you, as if you were a goddess bestowed upon him.

"I'm not them. I'm not the cheerleaders, or the dancers, or the athletes you date. Look at me, Ani," you grabbed onto his hands, squeezing. His expression showed guilt, love, and anger. Anger at himself, for ever making you feel like this. For ever making you feel like you were the second option, and that he could never adore you. Because for years, he has.

"Oh, honey, you are so much more than them," he brought a hand up to cup your cheek. "I have loved you for so long, I can't believe you ever felt this way," he mumbled, kissing your knees after he uttered the sentiment. "You are everything to me."

He wiped the tears off of your cheeks with his hand, raising himself on his knees slightly. "I'm so sorry I ever made you feel that way, because you are my first and forever love."

"You mean it?" You mocked him, your normal attitude coming back to life. He grinned like a cheshire cat, watching you beam back in the midst of tears.

"Every goddamn word," he mocked back, grabbing your hands and placing kisses on them, "you could never compare to any other girl. You are worth so much more to me, I promise. You are my sun and my moon, my stars, I revolve around you. I love you, so much," he praised you, placing one of your hands on his cheek.

You began to cry again, tears of happiness this time, knowing it was okay.

"No, no, don't cry baby, please," he kneeled up, know facing you directly. "You're too pretty to cry."

You shook your head in disbelief, looking down at your lap.

He kisses your forehead, softly, bringing you close to him. "I'm so sorry," he profusely apologized. He left kisses down the side of your face, peppering you, before meeting your lips again, where you wrapped your arms around his neck as he hunched over. He never once disconnected your kiss as he hooked his hands under your thighs, pushing you back on the bed and under him. The kiss grew more needy, more desperate, as his hands rubbed your outer thighs, guiding them to wrap around his waist. As you did so, you pulled him down closer to you, your two bodies moving in sync with love, care, and adoration.

You tugged on his hair, making him grunt softly into your mouth, making you giggle slightly. "What was that, hm?" You mumbled into the kiss. You honestly were lost with what you were doing, your first kiss taking place on the playground at recess, and had never gone as far as to continue kissing someone.

"God— you, Y/N," he pulled away, looking at you from above, the locks of hair falling from his head, caressing his jaw. He scanned your face for any hesitance, any doubts, and in finding none, he leaned back down, caressing your arms in the process.

"Wait, Ani," you stopped him before his lips could meet yours, bringing one hand to trace along his jaw. "I've never done anything like this before," you mumbled, partially out of embarrassment and nervousness. He had then begun to pull away fully, out of respect for you, before you trapped his hips in with your calves, pulling him back down.

"We don't have to do anything, I promise, I don't expect anything from you, nothing— I swear," he promised, grinning at you from above. "I want you to feel as comfortable as possible," he told you, realization hitting him that you most likely had never done anything beyond kissing, and he didn't want to pressure you into anything you wouldn't want.

"No, that's not what I mean. Ani, I want to," you told him, the heat growing between your bodies, his sweatpants and your shorts being a soft barrier between what could occur.

"You want to?" He questioned, anticipation almost hurting him in his core. You were willing to give him one of the most treasured, most vulnerable parts of yourself, to him, and he couldn't quite fathom that.

"Yes. Anakin, I've always wanted to do this with you, since I knew I fell in love," you leaned up to kiss his cheek, then you kissed the shell of his ear, whispering, "let me be yours."

With that, he bent down to kiss you again, gentle hands and tender touches. "I'll be careful, and tell me if you want to stop at any point, okay?"

You nodded, bringing him back down to you, yet again, as the kiss grew heated. His tongue swiped along your bottom lip, allowing you to open your mouth, letting his own wrap around yours and explore your mouth. The feeling itself was sensational, and you wished you had confessed sooner. Your hips bucked up to meet his, knowing only clothing separated you two. You reached down to tug on his shirt, enticing him.

He sat up, ripping his shirt off quickly, and you took the time to admire him. While you had seen it many times throughout the years, you couldn't get enough, knowing this was the man who loved you, who adored you, who pledged himself to you. Your hand traced along his abdomen, and up his chest, with slow circles and movements.

He looked down to you and your hoodie for permission, to which you grew embarrassed and shy. He stopped, again, tracing his hand along your hip, "What's wrong?"

"I'm not wearing a bra, Ani," you muttered with embarrassment, and he looked at you inquisitively at the fact. "Honey, do you know—"

You interrupted him, mid laugh, "Yes, I know, I'm just nervous. My body, and uh—"

You were cut off, almost immediately, with a tut from him. "You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I promise," he told you, looking at you as if you'd break with a single touch or glance.

You nodded, beginning to lift your shirt up yourself, before he stopped you, kissing you and setting your wrists down. "Let me show you how much I love you," he told you, so sincerely, that you felt your body heat up and tense.

His fingers found the bottom of the garment, beginning to lift it over your head, as you lifted your arms up for him to slip it off of you.

He could have practically cum at the sight.

He was met with your soft skin, only for him to see, and his sweatpants tightened ever so slightly. Your breasts splayed out, tummy revealed, and it was all for him. Would forever only be for Anakin.

He kissed you again as you held him, trailing pecks down your cheek, and to your neck, where he suckled the skin and nibbled. You whimpered quietly, never having even thinking you could let out anything from kisses.

"You're so, so beautiful. Sculpted by the gods themselves, I swear. If I could worship a statue of you at a temple, I could," he whispered into your collarbone, moving his pecks downward. You became inherently flustered at his words, a garbled mess, until his breath was fanning in between your sternum. His palms found your ribs, inching upward to your breasts, thumb teasing over your nipple. The contact jolted you, overly sensitive and becoming needy for him to make love to you.

"So divine, I swear," he spoke over your nipple, before his mouth latched onto it, suckling like it would be the last thing he ever tasted. Yet, at the same time, it was so pure. Merciful whimpers left your garbled throat, hands tugging on the hair at the nape of his neck.

He switched over to the other breast, the other one being caressed with his saliva coating it, hardening at the contact. He let his teeth drag along the peak, almost teasingly, before kissing the bud and moving downwards.

He moved down to your tummy, kissing all over. His tongue licked a stripe from your sternum to your navel, then kissing the skin above your shorts. "No matter how insecure you are, your tummy is perfect," he mumbled into the skin, teeth gently grazing the skin as he sweet talked into your skin, lust filling his eyes as he made eye contact with you from above him.

"Anakin, I need you," you muttered, not able to hold the eye contact as he sat between your legs, where you needed him most. He smirked, nodding as he did so, "I know, baby, just wanna take my sweet time with you," he spoke, so close to your core, where your desire lingered for him. He could practically taste it as well, bending down lower, his teeth biting on the waistband of the fabric, slowly pulling it down. His other hand met the other hip, assisting in his teasingly slow antics. He shimmied the shorts off, looking back to where you laid underneath him. He adored you, to say the least, and the way you're looking at him as him twitching in his pants. Desire and need are painted all over your expression, as he finally looked down to your panties.

He noticed the damp spot on the gray cotton, his mind going crazy. He did this to you. God, he loved it.

He kissed the wet spot, earning a small noise that strangled it's way out your mouth. Those damn noises to him, would be the death of Anakin himself. He then looked up, "Is this okay?" He questioned, wanting to make sure you were alright more than anything.

"Yes, please, Ani," you begged, watching him then tauntingly pull the fabric down your hips. Before looking, he begins to kiss the inside of your thighs, tongue dragging along the plush of the skin. The freckles and moles and scars, everything, he was taking in as he tasted you. It was perfect to him. You are perfect. He wanted to make sure you knew that as well, his attention switching to the other leg, repeating the same tantalizing licks and nips and kisses, sucking gently as he got closer to your center, leaving light hickeys and eliciting noises from you.

He then made eye contact with where you needed him most, a small sigh of his breath leaving a tingling sensation for you. "All of this, for me? You're too good to me," he spoke, before taking his first lick, a stripe from your entrance to your clit, groaning at the taste of you. "Y'taste so heavenly, honey, please," he begged for nothing, knowing he already had you as putty in his hands. You fell limp as he pressed a damp kiss to your clit, using one hand to pull back your folds for him. You were glistening with desire, leaking onto your sheets. He was disappointed he couldn't take the chance to lick it up off of the sheets, your hole twitching and practically clenching at this point.

He began his attacks on you, slow and steady, trying not to overwhelm you. Moans began to fill the room, letting him know he was doing a good job, only using his tongue at this point. "S'good," you spoke out, and he hummed in response, smiling in his head. All he wants is to make you feel good. This is an apology, devotion, and need all in one.

The vibrations sent shivers up your spine, fingers clutching the sheets beside you. His other hand was keeping your legs apart, the incessant twitching making him rut into the end of the bed. This wasn't about him though, this was about you.

His tongue prodded your entrance, scooping up whatever was leaking out, and he swallowed it graciously. "You're doing so well, my love," he praised. You hummed in response, not being able to form coherent words, even though he was the one with his mouth occupied. The hand spreading your folds twisted, allowing for his thumb to start slow, gentle circles around your clit.

"Is this good? Do you feel good, darling?" He asked, looking up to you as you nodded feverishly, in a haze of love and lust all at once. Your brain was clouded with the pleasure of Anakin between your legs, lapping you up like you were his final meal on death row. His thumb circling your nub, and his tongue swirling around your walls, gummy and slick with his saliva and your desire. He loved every second of it, your squirming and your hips rolling on his mouth, suffocating him in the best way possible.

His thumb began to speed up, and your hands found their way to his hair, pulling him closer and gripping on for dear life. And he hasn't even inserted fingers yet.

The heat between your legs grew stronger, as minutes passed of torturous circles and slow licks and prods, before you begged for him more. "Fingers, something, Ani," you managed to make out some words, jello and oozing into his palms and mouth. He chuckled at your eagerness, now using his hand he was using to hold your legs apart to wrap your legs behind his back, heels digging into the muscular blades of his shoulders. A single digit slowly entered you, curling inside, arching your back off of the sheets. His tongue moved up to your clit, suctioning the bud, and gently nibbling as his finger began a new pace. It was steady, almost leisurely, as he inserted a second finger, scissoring at your entrance. You were so, so tight, and it was heavenly to him. "Ani, faster, please," you commanded, and he damn well listened like an obedient dog, picking up the pace and curling inside of you each time, his thick fingers searching for the spot that would make you see stars. One your own fingers could hardly reach.

As he sped up and became more passionate with it, your legs trembled from overwhelming excitement and anticipation. You felt the knot beginning to form, one you had only reached on your own, while always thinking of this. Your moans became more strangled and raspy, his mouth never leaving his assault on your clit, and his fingers squelching from your wetness between your legs. The smell, the taste, everything was undeniably delicious to him. This was his Y/N, the one he pined after for so long, the girl of his dreams.

Your pussy began to ache, an overwhelming sense of your release approaching. With whatever you could make out, you uttered in a strangled mess, "C-cum, Ani, 'M gonna."

He began to get more aggressive with his suckles, and his eyes looked up to your expression as your breasts shook with every breath you took, head lolled back from the craving you had- no, the need you had for him. He felt your walls clench around him as your release was coming, his eyes never leaving you. "Good girl, I wanna see that pretty face look at me while you cum," he quickly reattached his mouth to you, the words themselves making your orgasm hit you like a trainwreck. Your eyes never left his, though they rolled into the back of your head momentarily. He felt the flutter, and the clenching of your legs around his head as you finished, his mouth licking up the last of you as he finally pulled away. "You did so well, baby. We can stop here if you want," he assured you, licking his fingers clean as he leaned up to cup your face and kiss your neck.

"I want to feel you inside of me," your lips were flush and swollen from the kissing and biting you had done, and your checks were splotched with redness as he nodded. "Fuck, you're so perfect," he guaranteed your utmost comfortability and contentment. "If you're sure."

He began to pull down his boxers and sweats in a swift motion with one hand, the other propping him up so he could kiss your cheeks sweetly and with care. "You're doing amazing."

You grinned and kissed him, tasting yourself on his lips eagerly. Sweat beaded your foreheads, but the mess created never stopped either of you from continuing. He kissed your forehead, then both of your cheeks, before dragging his lips down to the corner of your mouth. He pulled away momentarily, hands reaching down to stretch you with his fingers. You glanced down to below his navel, and holy shit, was he big.

"It'll fit?" You questioned, your naïveté getting the best of you in the moment.

He chuckled, grinning and looking down at you waiting for him. He took a mental picture, analyzing every possible detail of your bare skin, and the way you looked right now. He was infatuated with you before, but this sight under him, left precum leaking from his tip. His fantasies could have never compared to this sight of him between your legs. "Yes, it will. It'll hurt at first, okay? And tell me to slow down or stop at any point, promise?"

You nodded your head eagerly, "I promise," so grateful for the way he was praising and taking care of your needs over his.

He kissed you again, dragging his tip along your folds. The red and swollen cock in front of you had you nearly drooling, but you decided to save that for another point in time.

"Are you ready?" He asked tenderly, kissing along your neck, tapping your clit with the head of his cock. "Yes, please," you chanted over and over again, like a prayer on your lips.

He let out a quiet hum, slowly pressing his tip into your folds. It slowly slipped past your entrance, earning a hiss from between your teeth.

"Are you okay?" Anakin immediately asked, though not pulling out, so he could look you in the eye, his gaze wavering slightly.

"Mhm, just hurts," you felt tears prick the corner of your eyes, and Anakin knows you've never been someone with a high pain tolerance. "Shh, it's okay, I've got you," he comforted you, pressing a small kiss to your lips, waiting for you to nod to continue. It didn't matter that even your entrance was gripping him like a fucking vice, he wanted you to feel as safe and pleasured as possible.

You made eye contact with him, nodding slowly, as he pushed in a little more, your hands finding his biceps, caged around your head, nails digging into his skin and leaving welts. It hurts, but you expected it. And there was nobody else in all the universe you would rather give your virginity to, just Anakin himself.

"You're doing such a great job, taking me so well," he smiled, hoping his voice would bring you a sense of oasis in the middle of his cock piercing through your insides. "Think you can take a little more?"

You nodded, as one hand reached down to press on your thigh, as he felt your pussy clench him so tightly, knowing you were his. Made for him. "Relax, it'll help it hurt less baby, I promise," he told you, rubbing sweet circles on your leg.

He felt your body loosen up, and he was able to bottom out into you, and his tip kissed your walls, a whimper of pain and pleasure entering his mouth from the kiss he gave you. "Good girl," he whispered into your mouth, making sure he was to never break eye contact in this moment. It was so pure, so sinful, and such a precious moment. He was lingering inside of you, movements stilled, no matter how badly he wanted to pound into you until you were crying into the sheets. You bucked your hips up, enticing him to move, and he got the memo.

It wasn't full throttled thrusts, but slow and lazy pumps in and out of you, waiting for the pain to subside. He felt so amazing inside of you, with your warmth and wetness connecting you both. The closest he could ever get to you, and he never thought he would be here. He was savoring every clench, every thrust, and every moment like it would be his last. Because it was you, and he loved you so dearly, he wanted this to be perfect for you.

Your back arched, your pussy twitched around him, all the while he was still slowly going in and out. It was celestial, the way you moaned and let out slurred words of his name, eyes half lidded and already looking fucked out, a devious and wanton expression he'd commit to memory. "Ani," you made out, grabbing the hand on your leg and placing it on your core. He understood, starting to rub spirals under the red and swollen hood of your clit, picking up his pace. Then, the pain has completely subsided, turning into seraphic pleasure, his eyebrows creating a wrinkle as they furrowed. His own pants and grunts left his lips, chest heaving from the bliss he was subdued in. He was immersed in you completely, mentally and physically. You looked so angelic, even godly, as your bodies connected in the most unholy way possible.

He had waited too long for this.

Your warm and inviting, virgin pussy, saved all for him. And now you were underneath him, his cock filling every inch of you, and each time he bottomed out his tip would meet your cervix, but not hard enough to hurt you. He treasured you, wanting the moment to last as long as possible.

"Faster, Ani, I'm okay," you rested your hand on his head, pushing his hair out of his eyes, as he tried so hard to contain himself so you could feel loved for every second of it. He got off on you feeling so cherished under him, and you had never felt more adoration than in the present.

He listened though, picking him his pace, hips snapping so scrumptiously against you. You could hardly moan anymore, and you broke the eye contact, head rolling back and hitting your pillows from the amount of satisfaction you gained. He took the opportunity to look down at where your bodies met, watching his length slide in and out of you, coated in the sticky sweetness of your serene need for him. His eyes glanced over your body, watching as your tits bounced with every jolt of his body, and he almost creamed at the very sight. He was going to wait though, until you came, to ever think of cumming.

"S'well, baby, you feel so good wrapped around me. You're so beautiful, God. I could do this for hours," he praised you, feeling your pussy clench around him at the simple, yet overwhelming words. The way the plush of your thighs jiggled with every little movement, and the way your tummy followed with. He was encompassed in serenity for every second of it.

"M'gonna cum," you mustered out, warning him of your second release, building quicker than the prior one. "Go ahead, my love, whenever you feel like it," he said between pants and grunts, thumb still circling around your clit as he felt you get all the more tighter.

He sped up his pace, shifting his body to the right, the angle directly hitting that spongey spot inside of you that had you seeing stars. Your hands began to dig into his shoulders, the knot tightening. He could tell, watching as your thighs clenched and you let out the most wanton cry of his name, cumming around his cock.

The feeling and satisfaction of you finishing left him close to his own release, pulling your head down to look at him. "'S it okay if- fuck- I cum?"

"Cum in me, Ani, fill me up," you assured him, still whimpering from overstimulation and groaning at the feeling of him fucking your cum back into you.

His breaths were shakier, turning into soft whimpers and groans as you felt his thrusts grow messy, and soon still, feeling a gush of warmth inside of you, filling you to the brim. He stayed there for a moment, sighing as his cock softened, not wanting to pull out and disconnect from you in the most intimate way possible. He knew he had to though, as he pulled out slowly, leaving you feeling empty and lost.

You let out a breath of air, leaning up to kiss him. He happily obliged, rubbing sweet patterns along your hips, tracing the dips and curves with his index finger, soothing you after your release.

He leaned up quickly, making you feel cold, empty, and lost. Was he already leaving?

But no, he came back with a warm washcloth, leaning between your legs again. He came face to face with your cum and his load leaking out of you, beginning to drag wet and sloppy kisses on your knees as he ever so gently wiped up what was leaking out of you, and the mess and sweat off of your thighs. The residue piled along the fabric, which he then wiped his soft cock with, running back to your bathroom to throw it in the hamper. He crawled back into bed with you as you turned over on your side, the room smelling of sex and love.

"I'm so proud of you, you did so well," he told you, wrapping an arm around you and bringing you close to him, so you could lay your head on his chest. His palm rubbed along the small of your back, tracing up your spine.

"Thank you, I don't think I could have asked for someone better to do it with," you smiled, an after sex glow making you all the more beautiful to him.

"Does this mean you're my boyfriend now?" You asked, and a dumbfounded expression was plastered on Anakin's face, causing you to worry momentarily.

"I would assume so, but only if you'll have me," he spoke into your hair, bare and naked bodies intertwined under the cold sheets. "Of course I'll have you," you comforted him, hands tracing the curve of his biceps. "You're my forever, Anakin."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

[loungemermaid]

Saying Peeta “will never love Katniss the same way” is ableist and I shouldn’t have to elaborate but I will.

1). Of course he doesn’t love her the same way. He fell in love with her as a child. As they grew up, he (probably) held onto an idealized view of her, as he only got to love her from afar. But, over all their time together in catching fire, their first growing together, he got to know her as a real person. Doubly so after their second growing together after mockingjay. He doesn’t love her in the puppy love innocence of childhood anymore, nor is it in the burning crush way of teenage love. When he falls back in love and works through the hallucinations and delusions, it’s a much more holistic picture of Katniss. I don’t love my wife the same way I did nearly 9 years ago when we first met. It’s deeper, richer, and altogether more than it was in the beginning, as it should be.

2). Whatever Peeta’s condition post-hijacking would be labeled by a psychiatrist is neither here nor there, and I’m not a psychiatrist so I cannot say, but based on the information we have and some of my research, it’s a form of substance induced psychosis. Tracker jacker venom is a hallucinogen, deliberately designed to fuck with you and cause bad trips. Psychedelics can trigger psychosis and can unlock schizophrenia. Whether Peeta would’ve developed something like schizophrenia or borderline personality disorder or any number of other things without the hijacking, this is where he is after mockingjay. He does not have amnesia. His memory wasn’t wiped like Bucky in the winter soldier. Katniss tells us he’s more or less back to normal, just sometimes has flashbacks/hallucinations/delusions that make him grip a chair. Honestly, considering everything, pretty damn good.

3)He’s changed. Fundamentally changed. War and love both will do that to a person. But to say he’s not himself, that he’ll never be himself, is ableist. Saying people with ““scary”” mental illnesses cannot fully love as purely as someone without those illnesses is ableism, and yeah, this is a book, but people with these illnesses exist in the real world. Peeta is disabled, and he acquired disability, he was not born with disability. That changes you, of course it does. But saying that he’s lost himself permanently isn’t only explicitly going against the text of the book but also telling all the disabled people in your life and on the internet that they’re a shadow of their former selves. That they’re ruined and broken.

Peeta isn’t ruined or broken or too damaged to love and be loved. He’s just different. And that’s okay. He’s still the same person. He’s the person Katniss fell in love with. He’s her dandelion, the boy with the bread, and the father of her children. Do you honestly think that Katniss would settle? If Peeta didn’t love her back, do you think she’d have children with him?

Think about the people in your own life. If they developed mental illness, would you really love them less? Would you constantly doubt their own love for you? If you wouldn’t, why do you doubt Peeta? And if you would, you need to look inward and ask yourself why.

[rozaceous]

…so how do they meet??? 👀

YES

so, what's not clear from our posting order is that bruce meets rosalyn before he meets vivienne (they've just exchanged caustic emails). and rosalyn has a standing weekly session w bruce/he's a regular. so when bruce royally fucks it up w vivienne and none of his attempts to apologize are working, he has enough of a rapport w rosalyn to ask her for her advice.

she gives it (after staring at him for a long moment), vivienne still isn't ceding territory, but eventually bruce is just "hey so i know a really good massage therapist and you were complaining about your right wrist and she can help, i promise this isn't a trap."

things evolve from there

@vermillioncrown

[rozaceous]

mrs george's husband is named harold specifically so that the joke can be made later, when rosalyn tells mrs george abt vivienne, mrs george says to her husband, "oh harold, thank GOD. she's a LESBIAN. i thought bruce had suckered her into bed."

Hopefully this doesn’t come across as weird, I don’t know if I missed a post where you explicitly stated it, but what’s the pairing for the phd au? (Sorry for bugging you if I did miss something obvious)

Is it Vivienne/Bruce/Rosalyn, Vivienne/Rosalyn, Vivienne/(a goddamned vacation)?

not weird at all--there was a LOT that just got dumped lol

(asking is mutual enrichment in the enclosure, etc etc etc questions always welcome!)

to clarify, phd au -> now phd-verse (preferred hill to die on) is everything that's my DC SIOC(s) bc there's 4 fics (2 au's along w 2 main fics) in the series and at least 3 fleshed-out ones in combo with roz, so i wanna contain all my loredump in one tag

the new au in the 'verse and how it intersect roz's series (we're gonna figure something out if it takes all night) is a number of different selves or 'ands'

=

the pairing is vivienne/bruce/rosalyn with dubious vivienne/rosalyn ???? (they went u-haul lesbian status and are so domestic and qpt and the funny bit is, who knows? none of anyone else's business 🙂), and bruce freaking out that he's either getting between them or cheating on both of them simultaneously

=

i think the funniest thing is roz and me realizing that vivienne and rosalyn need to be older than bruce. just a bit

=

@rozaceous hand off, anything to add?

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Word List: Psychology

psychological concepts as reference for your poem/story (pt. 2)

Learned helplessness - Animals (including humans), when subjected to unpleasant and inescapable circumstances, often become passive and accepting of their situation, in effect learning to be helpless. Researchers surmised that if people were in an unpleasant or painful situation, they would attempt to change the situation. However, if repeated attempts to change the situation failed, they would resign themselves to being helpless. Then, even if the situation did improve so that they could escape the discomfort, they would continue to act helpless.

Machiavellianism - A manipulative strategy of social interaction referring to the tendency to use other people as tools for personal gain. “High Mach” persons tend to tell people what they want to hear, use flattery to get what they want, and rely heavily on lying and deception to achieve their own ends.

Narcissistic paradox - The fact that, although narcissistic people appear to have high self-esteem, they actually have doubts about their self-worth. While they appear to have a grandiose sense of self-importance, narcissists are nevertheless very fragile and vulnerable to blows to their self-esteem and cannot handle criticism well. They need constant praise, reassurance, and attention from others, whereas a person with truly high self-esteem would not need such constant praise and attention from others.

Ought self - A person’s understanding of what others want them to be.

Possible selves - The notion of possible selves can be viewed in a number of ways, but two are especially important. The first pertains to the desired self—the person we wish to become. The second pertains to our feared self—the sort of person we do not wish to become.

Responsibility training - Life experiences that provide opportunities to learn to behave responsibly, such as having younger siblings to take care of while growing up. Moderates the gender difference in impulsive behaviors associated with need for power.

Subliminal perception - Perception that bypasses conscious awareness, usually achieved through very brief exposure times, typically less than 30 milliseconds.

Tender-mindedness - A nurturant proclivity, having empathy for others, and being sympathetic with those who are downtrodden.

Unconditional positive regard - The receipt of affection, love, or respect without having done anything to earn it. For example, a parent’s love for a child should be unconditional.

Xenophobia - The fear of strangers. Characteristics that were probably adaptive in ancestral environments, such as xenophobia, are not necessarily adaptive in modern environments. Some of the personality traits that make up human nature may be vestigial adaptations to an ancestral environment that no longer exists.

Source ⚜ More: On Psychology ⚜ Word Lists ⚜ Notes & References

[nadas-dirthalen]

The Juicy Lore that Dragon Age Day 2024 Gave Us (Yes, Really!)

— PART ONE —

THAT'S RIGHT PEOPLE WE ARE BACK! A bit of an interruption of the broad-spanning Veilguard one I've been chipping away at, but here we are!

Between the interviews and the AMA on Dragon Age Day 2024, my mind was blown. SO many delicious reveals were dropped! So sit down, make a cup of tea (and be sure to hide it from Solas), and come with me on this journey.

First up: the Evanuris, their archdemons, Solas' lyrium dagger... and how they all relate.

Cut for both spoilers and length. You've been warned :)

Yes, I know. The AMA will forever go down in infamy. Chances are that if you started thinking Dragon Age is dead forever after the AMA, I'm not going to revive you on that one. But for everyone who hasn't gone past the point of no return? Welcome.

While everyone else was declaring the devs their mortal nemeses over Invalid Pookie Takes™ (and harassing the guy who gave us Solas' face in Trespasser, no less, smh), my theorycrafting brain was churning. I mean... when is it not churning, really?

tl;dr? I think I understand how Solas purified his lyrium dagger, and why that ritual happened alone and was more dangerous than the ritual we see at the start of Veilguard.

Tonight's Discussion:

What caught my eye about the Evanuris

What REALLY happens when an archdemon dies

Remember what — and who — Solas absorbed from Mythal?

From blighted idol to lyrium multi-tool: Solas' other, solitary, more dangerous ritual

What Caught My Eye About the Evanuris

Obviously, Veilguard taught us a lot about the Evanuris. We know a lot more about their lives and deaths now, especially Mythal, Ghilan'nain, Elgar'nan, and (to an extent) Andruil.

Throughout Veilguard, it is made clear that since their archdemons died over the course of Thedas' history since the Magisters Sidereal broke into the Black City, five out of the seven Evanuris are off the table. However, in both the IGN interview from DA Day 2024 and in the AMA, John Epler hints that the truth may not be so simple, and that there is room for other possibilities.

Epler: Yeah, I mean, so we haven't been super explicit about what happens when the gods die. In my mind, they're either dead or they're the closest thing to it. [Source.]

Either dead or the closest thing to it. As I read this article before the AMA began, I was immediately firing on all cylinders.

At first, I thought perhaps it was a misquote, or something I wasn't reading properly. But then, the exact same sentiment came up in the AMA, as well as language around, "we haven't been specific!" that was used, in many instances, to suggest, "we haven't been specific... YET. Stay tuned!"

We haven't been SUPER specific about this, but at best the other Evanuris are a shadow of their former selves, and at worst they're dead. The death of their Archdemons, particularly when they were still trapped in the Fade, caused enough magical feedback that it broke their minds and bodies. A couple may have survived as shells, but they aren't in the same state as Ghilan'nain and Elgar'nan. [John]

Now, while I am not advocating for more Evanuris stories to take centre-stage (especially not at this juncture), I feel like this presents ample opportunity for a much longer discussion on Thedas' magic and what actually happens when a spirit is broken and one piece is lost.

This has amazing implications for a number of things, including an explanation on the difference between spirits and souls!

But, importantly for right now? This suggests that there is more to archdemons than we know, and there is more that goes on during the ending moment of a Blight than we think.

What REALLY Happens When an Archdemon Dies

Of course, we knew a lot of what happens when an Archdemon is killed. That much has been explained to us since Origins, and a lot of it gets repeated here—especially with how the Evanuris' Archdemons work exactly like Corypheus' Archdemon, which is something I'd theorized before Veilguard's release (even if I got other things wrong in that post! Which I did!).

But there's something new here, tucked in near the end:

Can you tell us about the fate of the other elven gods like Sylaise and June? Are these gods now mortal in the Fade after the defeat of their Archdemons, or were they weakened enough to die in their prison? Epler: Yeah, I mean, so we haven't been super explicit about what happens when the gods die. In my mind, they're either dead or they're the closest thing to it. When a Warden kills an Archdemon, in Origins and DA2 and DAI, before the Gods are out in the world, there is part of that elven god's spirit that is bound to that dragon. It finds the nearest source of Blight. Now, if it's a darkspawn, a darkspawn has a direct connection to the Blight. There's enough energy there for it to rebuild a body, rebuild itself as an Archdemon. When it goes into a Warden, that connection is very different and what ends up happening is essentially the fragment of the God spirit and the fragment of the Warden annihilate each other. So nothing to go back to the god. So if they're there, they're a shadow of their former self. But obviously when Elgar'nan and Ghilan'nain come out, there's not that distance. There's not that need to use the Blight as essentially an in-between medium and they can just regain that fragment of their soul. They're now mortal, but they're just as powerful as they were before.

Not dead.

If they are there, they're a shadow of their former self.

I cannot believe so much of this fandom spent hours and hours bemoaning bad-faith interpretations of Epler's opinion on Solas when we had this! WE GOT THIS LORE!

THE EVANURIS DID NOT NECESSARILY DIE WHEN THEIR ARCHDEMONS DID!!! Do you know how HUGE that is?!

Not ONLY does it imply that we might see more Evanuris in future, but it tells us that sundered spirits go on! A person can live through that! And before you disparage John Epler for getting the lore wrong or some such thing, here's Corinne Busche immediately adding onto that:

Busche: And this is part of a theme within The Veilguard. We're tackling some pretty big subject matter, some of the largest outstanding mysteries within Dragon Age lore. So we want to tie up some of those loose ends, give really satisfying answers, but we also want to leave the door open just a little bit. So questions like that, what happens to the rest of the gods? Those are themes that we want to be able to explore, but also be able to advance the franchise.

But tonight? Tonight, I don't want to focus on what that might mean for spirits, for the Fade, and for magic.

Tonight, I want to focus on Solas.

Remember What — and Who — Solas Absorbed from Mythal?

In Veilguard, Morrigan says that Solas absorbed all of Mythal's power, while Morrigan is only in possession of Mythal's memories. This lines up with a devnote from DAI, taken from the post-credit eluvian scene:

Designer's Notes: This is Flemeth from the previous two games. In this game, Flemeth's story comes to a head -- she knew that Solas would summon her, and that he would need to steal her power to further his plans. She knew that because they are both elven gods…yet Solas has slept for a thousand years and his power dwindled, while she was killed long ago and a spark escaped from her into the body she now holds. She has nurtured that spark, and knew that Solas would need it. He was once her oldest friend, but she knows in his drive to save the elven people he will kill anyone -- even her. She intends to let him have the power, so long as she can pass the essence of her god-hood onto Morrigan, a gift Flemeth had always planned for her daughter yet one Morrigan misunderstood as hostile possession.

I remember the prologue of DA2, though, where Flemeth says that she has an "appointment to keep" in Denerim, where the Archdemon was just slain. Now, you could assume that she is going to grab Morrigan, but I think her purpose was twofold, considering Flemeth's later appearance in Inquisition.

I think she was after Urthemiel's soul. I've written before about how I think that there's no way BioWare would have her grab that soul in some world states and not others, especially considering how important Mythal is to the narrative of the entire DA franchise. I think Inquisition is how they had all those possible world states come to the same place.

I think that Mythal absorbed what was left of Urthemiel's soul after it was destroyed/sundered in Denerim. Just look at the Dalish legend surrounding the creation of Dirthamen from the broken remnants of Falon'DIn, a legend I am taking to be about them because of this video Ghil Dirthalen just released on the confirmed heads/helmets of every Evanuris. (Falon'Din is the sun! Dirthamen is the moon!!)

Elgar'nan had defeated his father, the sun, and all was covered in darkness. [...] It was at this moment that Mythal walked out of the sea of the earth's tears and onto the land. [...] Elgar'nan said he would release the sun if the sun promised to be gentle and to return to the earth each night. The sun, feeling remorse at what he had done, agreed. [...] And that night, when the sun had gone to sleep, Mythal gathered the glowing earth around his bed, and formed it into a sphere to be placed in the sky, a pale reflection of the sun's true glory. —Codex entry: Mythal: the Great Protector

I bring this up because I think Mythal is capable of taking the sundered remains of a broken/destroyed spirit and fashioning it back into something alive. When she did this with "the moon" (Dirthamen), another Evanuris was born. Therefore, Mythal is theoretically able to have taken the "annihilated" remains of Urthemiel's soul and reconstructed them into something functional, just like Dirthamen.

If Kieran was conceived instead of Urthemiel's soul being destroyed, that is why Flemeth shows up in DAI: because in some world states, she needs to grab it. (Also, the reveal was important to Morrigan, to the Well of Sorrows—but Kieran/Urthemiel is part of why.)

Therefore, in every world state, it is theoretically possible that Mythal is in possession of Urthemiel's complete, functioning soul. In every world state, it is also possible that Solas took it from her.

From Blighted Idol to Lyrium Multi-Tool: Solas' Other, Solitary, More Dangerous Ritual

This is where the small bits of lore revealed in the AMA and on IGN really got me thinking. This is because both mention something very specific and very unique: something we guessed at before, given everything in Tevinter Nights, but that we know more about now.

Solas' lyrium dagger in Veilguard comes from the red lyrium idol in Dragon Age 2. Solas purified it between Trespasser and Veilguard. But it's the description of how he did it that has me thinking.

As for how Solas cleansed the idol - another ritual. This one was much smaller scale, but a lot more dangerous. [John]

A lot more dangerous, Epler says. This is a detail that didn't have to be included, but was. A smaller-scale ritual implies that Solas was still alone, because he was alone in the Veilguard ritual as well and does not seem to like putting others through his rituals without due cause.

What could be more dangerous than bringing down the Veil and releasing the Evanuris? For a long time, I wondered this. But the context above led me down a very particular path. We know that the Archdemons' deaths don't mean the Evanuris' deaths. We also know that Mythal has the ability to scrape up the tiny, broken remains of spirits and fashion them into something functional. We also know Solas probably has possession of Urthemiel.

That's when it hit me.

Urthemiel, we know, is June's archdemon. That means it was June's spirit that was lost, then found again. June's spirit that is within Solas. And what is June known for?

The eluvians. Perfectly split lyrium crystals. The invention of all great elvhen technology, that Solas was able to alter (in the case of the Vi'Revas.)

I wondered, then, if the lyrium idol-turned-dagger would be any different than the Vi'Revas: June's technology, improved upon by Solas. I poked around to see what else Epler and Busche said on it:

Busche: One of the interesting properties of the idol has always been how inherently malleable it is. That's something very unique to it that we absolutely wanted to lean into. What was so fun for us is there were theories we saw out there in the fandom YouTube videos about what was this idol? And indeed did Solas convert it to the dagger and a credit to those fans that figured it out. I don't know how they pieced it together, but cheers to them. [Interviewer]: I've always wondered what the idol is actually to. Epler: Solas is a very nostalgic person. I'd say an idol to Mythal. It's his guilt, his regrets poured into this thing. Because, as Corinne said, it's malleable. That's the shape it took. [Source.]

It's malleable. It can be changed. It can hold regrets, which I have theorized might be spirits created by the strong emotion of regret (which would explain Skyhold's demon).

But also? What do we know it did, once, from DA:tV?

It held the splintered piece of a slain Evanuris.

What would explain all of these pieces of information? What would make sense of Solas being in possession of a piece of June? What would explain why this ritual to purify the idol was more dangerous than Solas attempting to tear down the Veil, yet we never heard of anyone who'd seen or remembered it? What would explain the nature of the purified dagger itself?

June. More specifically, I think that Solas, having absorbed June, sundered himself from that piece of June and implanted that piece into the lyrium idol/dagger. I believe this was part of purifying the dagger and making it into what we use in DA:tV.

This would also explain the dagger's nature: firstly, that it can tear through the Veil itself. We see this kind of separation magic in the Tears of June artifact.

But what else does the dagger do? It is a multi-tool that can adapt to anything. It does everything our companions can do, as if it is learning from them and replicating their abilities. Yes, this is a convenience/game mechanics thing, but I think it also has its basis in lore. After all, this has the same sort of effect that the Vi'Revas does, where Solas has built upon June's magic to change it in more malleable, versatile ways.

So there you have it: from a few responses in both the interviews and the AMA from Dragon Age Day 2024, I feel as though I have uncovered an entirely new layer to the story of the Evanuris, as well as a beautiful and grim explanation for how Solas was able to transform the red lyrium idol into the lyrium dagger we see in Veilguard.

And that, to me, is what made DA Day 2024 an exciting one.

________

Thanks for reading, if you've come this far! I know I'll do more of these, but can't promise when. IRL has me swamped in deadlines.

Rest assured, though: I won't rest until I cover the Blight, because I think it is nothing short of fascinating.

[emphistic]

Blood in the Water

A/N: i know, i know. i said this chapter was gonna be the angst, but the wc was just too long. and i got carried away writing the smut. PS: this was not beta read

<- Series m.list

Sukuna wasn’t a morning-person; he never would be. Sukuna was a you-person, however. All the same, though, right?

Sukuna was like a plant.

To Sukuna, you were the sun. To others, that sounds absurd. But, people could think what they think and say what they say, and Sukuna would continue loving you anyway.

It sounds cheesy, yes, but you lit up Ryomen Sukuna’s life, with your smile, the sound of your voice, the melody of your laugh, everything. If he really thought about it, he would be totally unsure of how he survived for so long before he met you.

Sukuna was like a plant. (A/N: a poisonous one, if that were true)

Now, if you don’t pay attention during science class, here’s the gist of how Sukuna’s unconventional thinking came to his conclusion. 

All plants need sunlight, water, and air to live. They need all those ingredients to perform photosynthesis, make their food, and thus survive. (A/N: this is one of the only times Sukuna paid attention to your tutoring)

You completed Sukuna. You made him whole. You made him him.

Without you, Sukuna would wither away, whether you were the sun and him a plant or you two were your normal human selves. It didn’t matter, at all. Sukuna needed you like he needed air to breathe. Sukuna needed you like he needed water to drink. It didn’t matter, not at all. Any one of his metaphors would work. Whether you were the sun, water, air, Sukuna needed you. But he was just beginning to realize that, and maybe it was too late. Too late to turn back. Too late to forget about the bet. Too late to be afraid. Too late to have regrets.

“How long are you planning on staring at me for?” you asked. Though not having even opened your eyes yet, you felt Sukuna’s heavy gaze on you.

He did this often. After you two made it official, you started coming over more frequently. Before, you seldom stayed at his apartment for things unrelated to tutoring or just school in general.

Sukuna didn’t enjoy many things in life. Hell, he didn’t like many things in life. But he certainly liked this.

He liked staying up late and watching the silly, stupid movie that you decided to put on. He liked sitting around with you and sharing a large bowl of popcorn. He liked not having to bid you goodbye when the clock struck; it was very different from before — when either one of you would have to hang up the call. He liked settling into a non-empty bed; he used to never be able to fall asleep; then, when he met you, he fell asleep quickly and giddy; but now, he practically never shut his eyes, too busy admiring the most beautiful face he had ever and will ever see.

He liked it. He liked it all. So much so that,

He loved. He loved you.

“Ah, Sleeping Beauty’s finally awake, huh.” Sukuna gingerly pushed a strand of hair off your cheek, and tucked it behind your ear. His touches had been so gentle lately, as if he was worried that even one wrong move would result in an empty bed and a blocked number.

Sukuna wasn’t used to this kind of stuff. He never stayed in one place, and he certainly never stayed with one girl. Sukuna was scared. Scared of change, scared of changes, scared of losing, scared of losses. The bet, you, everything. He wasn’t going to let Naoya think he was a pussy; and, somehow, he also wasn’t going to let everything he worked hard for go to waste.

Because, if there was one thing he wasn’t going to lose, it was you. But, Sukuna was no more than a man. He was afraid. Thus, each morning, he could only gaze upon your face with such sentimentality, regret, longing, that even God would think about changing his fate.

Sukuna didn’t want you to go. He knew you would, though, probably as soon as you found out about the bet. But, nonetheless, there was a sense of hope that you would wait. Wait for him to explain, and say he tried to end the bet multiple times, though fruitlessly.

“I’ve been awake; I just didn’t say anything,” you grumbled, lifting your head up from the pillow beneath you. You would’ve liked to continue laying there under your boyfriend’s watchful gaze for a few more minutes or hours or days, but the Adult Life calls you.

“Yeah? You enjoy having my undivided attention?” Sukuna grinned, though you sensed a melancholic ring to his tone. The pink-haired man was never one to truly reveal his emotions and feelings, but over time, you did get a little better at reading him. You just wished he would stop bottling himself up like that.

“Don’t push it, babe.” You cupped his cheek, placing a chaste kiss on his lips before rolling out of bed to get ready for the day.

Sukuna laughed, “You’re not denying it!”

“Uh huh, doesn’t mean I’m confirming it, either.” You turned around, a cheeky expression plastered on your face, to which Sukuna snorted.

-

With your relationship only beginning more recently, people were, obviously, unaware of it. You were never one to flaunt around your partners or be that open about your personal life online on your social media or just in general. People knew you as the President of Student Council, someone who many could rely on for advice and help, someone who knew definite or at least rational answers to questions people inquired. 

You stood out as a role model to most students on campus. So, if anyone ever were to imagine you, they wouldn’t ever envision you on Sukuna’s arm walking around the mall or sleeping in his bed curled under layers and layers of blankets or watching TV on his couch with your head on his shoulder and his arm around you.

No, it was an impossible idea, one that never ran through anyone’s mind. And, to be honest, you didn’t mind. You liked the stillness and tranquility of being on the sidelines — figuratively or literally, it was true.

Sukuna’s life, on the other hand, was the complete opposite of yours. He was known for his charisma, charming smile, outstanding performance on the court; everyone on campus knew him, and either loved him or feared him, or both. His life was loud; that’s a fair way to describe it. Girls threw themselves on him all the time. He was invited to parties and after parties as if that was the only reason he attended college, for the fun, and for the thrill.

But, that didn’t mean you were unpopular. Yeah, your life may not have been as boisterous and eventful as your boyfriend’s, but your personality brought you your own fair share of fans, and possible suitors and beaus. 

That’s right, people liked you for other than your brains.

And unfortunately for you, Naoya Zen’in was one of those people. And that’s why when that blonde-haired fucker saw you in the crowds at one of Sukuna’s games, he knew this was his only opportunity. Naoya saw the way Sukuna looked at you nowadays; Naoya knew you had that man wrapped right around your finger; Naoya found Sukuna’s weak point and was going to use it against him.

The bet didn’t start because Naoya wanted to see Sukuna court the un-courtable. The bet started because Naoya Zen’in wanted to see the impossible. Which, Sukuna had previously assumed was him getting with you, his oh-so dear tutor. But no, Sukuna was wrong. The bet started because Naoya wanted to see the impossible: vulnerability from Ryomen Sukuna. And vulnerability, he got.

Sukuna managed to take you out on a date. Sukuna was able to make you his. There was blood in the water now, and it was clear who bled.

Naoya’s ploy was executed just like how he had planned; the puzzle was in the right place; he just needed one last piece before everything would come crashing down.

The last thing you expected after Sukuna won his basketball game was for him to face you from all the way in the court. No one knew of your relationship yet — or so you thought — and you didn’t take Sukuna to be one to put it out for the world to see. Not like you had a problem with that per se; people always knew the pink-haired man as someone who went from girl-to-girl and bed-to-bed, did Sukuna want others to know he had settled? For starters, it would definitely cause a whole lot of talk.

You wondered what he wanted when he wouldn’t take his eyes off of you, but when you saw his hand move in a way as if to gesture for you to come nearer, you were a little hesitant. On the other hand, Sukuna was anything but unsure. He stood there as the crowds hollered and yelled and bellowed, but he paid them no mind as he absentmindedly continued to wipe the sweat off his forehead with his jersey. Sukuna’s abdomen was bared as he did so, and the audience only became more wild.

Your chest tightened as you weighed your options.

When your relationship was solely tutor and student, you still came to watch his games, but only because it was your college that was playing, so it was expected for you to cheer for your peers.

Back then, you never met up after his inevitable victories, sometimes it was a short embrace like a hug or pat on the back, but that was it. Sukuna knew this, so when you hurriedly came down the bleachers, the last thing that he expected was for you to jump into his arms. He caught you, of course, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t stumble backwards a bit. Nevertheless, he wasn’t complaining. 

Behind closed doors, Sukuna was the main initiator for doing anything intimate. He didn’t mind your shyness, because, he had been pining for you for years — though he only realized recently, so why would he not be reveling with the woman of his dreams. Sukuna knew you loved your personal space, but he loved your personal space, too. And that’s why as soon as you lay down on the couch to catch the latest episode of your show, he’s laying his head right between your legs. And that’s why as soon as you try waking up early to surprise your boyfriend with breakfast in bed, he’s also jumping out from beneath the blankets to follow you like he’s your shadow.

Sukuna loved you, he thought to himself, as he leaned down to slot his lips against yours. But ‘love’ was a dangerous word, and what type of world would it be if nothing was at least a little dangerous?

You wrapped your arms around his neck, and returned the kiss as the sound of cheers and whistles from the crowds bled into the distance. It was just you and Sukuna. That’s all there was to it, and you liked that.

On your first date, and during your first kiss, you were obviously unfamiliar with the feeling of kissing Sukuna. It was new, but it was pleasant. This was a different feeling, a different type of kiss. For, you had gotten used to this experience, you spent many nights — most, even — familiarizing yourself with the feeling and sensation of Sukuna’s lips on yours, peppering your neck, trailing down your shoulder blades, almost everywhere.

Sukuna was soft, gentle, nice, until he wasn’t. Sukuna was mean, rough, teasing, because he knew you liked that. You two developed a guessing game; the rules were simple; you just had to guess when Sukuna would end his nice guy act. It was mostly only you playing, though. But for the instances when it wasn’t, Sukuna sometimes even surprised himself. It was like he was a whole different person when he was alone and around you. He didn’t need any phony drug, you alone were an aphrodisiac.

It's a shame, because you weren’t alone. When your eyes fluttered open, and your ecstasy gradually bled out, you noticed all players on the court — Sukuna’s team and opponents — were standing as still as statues. Some with their eyes blown wide in shock; some with their gazes averted and pointed at the ground in timidity.

“Damn, Sukuna, you beast. When you gonna kiss me like that after we win?”

Gojo, and most of the players on your boyfriend’s team, were already either highly suspicious of your relationship with one another or already knew the truth about it. The former because who the hell hangs out with their tutor so much off of school? And, the latter because as soon as Sukuna informed his younger brother about everything that went down, Yuuji could not keep his mouth shut.

You abruptly hastened to push away from Sukuna’s grasp upon hearing the teasing sound of none other than Gojo’s voice. How could I have done such a thing in front of so many people? you asked yourself, wanting no more than to combust right then and there. You couldn’t even bring yourself to look at anyone in the face with the way your cheeks started reddening, coincidentally, like the color of the eyes belonging to the man whose arms continued to hold you unwaveringly.

Choosing to freeze in place — to keep your peace, you mentally slapped yourself in the face. You thought you were better than this.

On the other hand, Sukuna was far from embarrassed, and wasn’t planning on letting go any time soon. He placed a tender kiss on your cheek, slightly disappointed at you pulling away so early. Was merely kissing one’s girlfriend such a wrong act? After all, he hadn’t seen you all day after dropping you off at a Student Council meeting or some other shit; he missed you, to say the least.

“In your dreams, dumbass,” Sukuna spat out, sending a glare in his teammate’s way, to which Gojo only responded with the raising of both his hands as if in a defensive manner.

Sukuna had his arm around your shoulder whilst you two walked through the hallway on your way out to the parking lot. It brought you a sense of comfort, and ease. Both from Sukuna alone and also his arm around you. He had just got out of a quick shower, changed out of his sweaty and grimy jersey, and was now planning on spending the rest of his evening with you.

The air was cool, the wind light, and there was a noticeable and welcomed absence of boisterous crowds and players, there was neither noise nor sound, save for the pitter patter of your footsteps upon the tiled floor. Well, that is, until someone else decided to show up.

“We should celebrate your win, babe; do you want to eat out? Or I could make that dish that you liked? Or, or, we could order?”

Sukuna hummed, “Whatever you want, baby.”

You stopped in your tracks, turning to face your boyfriend, who raised an eyebrow, curious. “That’s, like, the only thing you have to say, nowadays. It’s your win, not mine, I can’t choose how we celebrate it.”

“But that’s the thing; you can.” Sukuna couldn’t care less about the food you two ate, where you ate it, or how much the bill would charge. If you wanted something, you would get it. Sukuna made sure of that much.

You crossed your arms, giving him a stern look.

“Alright, alright,” Sukuna pulled you back into his side — already desperate for that fluttering feeling you gave him whenever you two came in contact. “I fold. We can go try out that new seafood place that just opened down the street; I’ve been meaning to try their lobster—”

“That sounds good; do they have any grog?”

You almost jumped at the unfamiliar voice of, actually, who was that? You hesitantly turned around to get a good look at the culprit of your near heart attack. Blonde hair? Sorta tall. Lean build. Was he on Sukuna’s basketball team? Never mind that, had he been following you both? How long has he been listening in to your conversation?

“Naoya,” Sukuna snarled. “What the hell are you doing here?” If looks could kill, Naoya — whom you’ve just remembered as the guy who asked you to tutor him —would be six feet under, right now.

“Oh, you know. I’m just a little bored, that’s all. Anyway, I’m guessing that place doesn’t have any alcohol, after all?”

Sukuna deadpanned, and Naoya should’ve taken that as his cue to leave right then and there, but he didn’t. Besides, you were right there. Sukuna wouldn’t get all fired up in front of his girl just because of some small nuisance, right?

“I’ll take that as a ‘no’, but y’know what, that won’t be a problem! I’m hosting an after party back at my place, and there’ll definitely be drinks there. ‘Sides, we should all let loose after that long game; you were MVP, after all. You should be there.” Naoya playfully gave a weak punch to Sukuna’s chest. 

It almost looked like they were friends for a second, before Sukuna rolled his eyes, wanting to take his leave already. He was tired of listening to the blond’s obnoxious voice; it gave him a headache. “Yeah, it won’t be a problem because we weren’t planning on drinking all night, anyway.”

You put a coaxing hand on Sukuna’s arm. Ever since you two started hanging out, Sukuna stopped going to after parties, and just parties altogether. And, although he always reassured you, saying, “They’re boring, trust me,” you still didn’t want to be the reason he missed out on fun.

“I don’t think it could be that bad; you should go, Sukuna. I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

Naoya was surprised to see you unintentionally side with him, but he used that to his advantage, “Not that I have experience, but, I think you should listen to the lady, capt’n. She sounds like she knows what she’s talking about.” The blond shrugged.

It didn’t take long for you and Sukuna to head over to the (as Sukuna called him) punk’s house, and, to say the least, it was totally not what you expected, like, at all. You had already known that the Zen’ins — as they had a big name around the area — were rich, crazy rich, if you will, but it’s always still a surprise to see big houses, right? Not to mention, there was a whole ass gate, too, not like it would be protecting anything, anyway, as it was wide open. Probably to be more accommodating for the entering guests.

The booming music could be heard even from your parking spot outside, and the volume only increased as you entered the lavish abode. You were starting to question if this was a bad idea, after all. However, when you spotted a couple of your friends, and they pulled you aside to play some beer pong or something — you weren’t really paying attention, most of your misgivings diminished. 

“You look so good, babe! C’mon, let me show you where the best drinks are,” Nobara said, pulling you away as soon as she spotted you amidst the people entering and leaving.

Albeit, you were a little saddened at having to leave Sukuna.

Speaking of which, he, on the other hand, was not holding up as much as you. He was immediately dragged off by Gojo to the kitchen, and was offered a solo cup filled up with a liquid which bubbled. It was a shade of greenish-blue and probably tasted as disgusting as it looked.

“You gotta try it, dude. I spent hours mixing all of these drinks together. Man, I probably deserve a medal for doing this. Just look at how much alcohol Naoya has. Damn.” Gojo pointed to the countless bottles in the countless cupboards; there was so much booze that it took up a whole room. This was definitely a little much, even for an alcoholic. And that should say a lot.

Fortunately, the both of you weren’t separated for too long. A game of Seven Minutes in Heaven was started up by a bunch of already clearly tipsy people, and your friends were not going to let you pass up on the opportunity. Apparently, and according to one of them, “You look too hot to not get laid tonight, girl. Don’t be so boring.”

A couple of your complaints and protests went unnoticed, so you reluctantly sat down in the circle of college kids and random people whom you weren’t even sure if they went to Jujutsu Tech. An empty bottle was placed in the middle of the carpeted floor, and as a brunette girl moved to spin it, an assertive voice stopped her.

“Yo! Got any room for three more?” Gojo flashed a smile which showed his pearly whites and almost blinded you and everyone else in the room, but nevertheless, several girls backed up to make room for him, a long-haired man trailing behind with an unamused expression, and Sukuna, who held an indifferent look on his face.

It was almost comical to see the speed at which the ends of Sukuna’s lips quirked up once he saw you amongst his peers, and the speed at which his smile flipped upside down when he noticed there was no room by you and he had to sit next to his white-haired teammate instead. 

Sukuna quickly mouthed to you, Help me, before turning back to face the bottle which was already beginning to spin.

You counted the minutes you had left of your life as more and more people entered the small closet down the hall of Naoya’s house, and either returned with smug expressions on their face or bored looks. Some people were forced to pair up with those they were infatuated with but couldn’t actually ask them out and needed just a little push to do so, while some were forced to go with people that they totally hated. 

You felt bad for the latter, but then again, no one had to actually go in the closet if they didn’t want to. They could choose to skip and keep playing. That’s what you planned on doing—

“Hey, guys! Madame President hasn’t had a turn yet; we can’t let her miss out on all the fun, right, everybody?” asked an unfamiliar voice.

A couple of Yeah’s and agreeing comments filled the living space, and you wanted to dig a hole in the ground and just die. But nonetheless, you didn’t want to seem like a chicken, so you begrudgingly crawled from your previous spot on the ground to the center of the room and spun the bottle.

The bottle went so slow, so slow. To the point it was agonizing to watch as your fate was sealed. You blinked, licked your lips, swallowed the lump in your throat; God, when was this going to be over?

The bottle neared its stop as it unhurriedly passed by Naoya, fuck, the long-haired dude you saw earlier, could be better, Gojo, could it get any worse, until it finally came to a halt at . . . Sukuna, who remained emotionless except for an unexplainable glint which flashed in his eyes. Okay, maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad, after all.

Gojo let out a holler at the truly unexpected event, and most people followed. “Was this magic?” someone even asked; many others said similar things.

Though your nerves did go down a bit, they came back worse than before once you were actually in the dimly lit closet. Sukuna closed and made sure to lock the door behind him, before turning to face you with an unreadable look on his face.

“So—”

“I—”

You both spoke up at the same time, but you let Sukuna go ahead first. For, you didn’t even know what you were going to say if you did otherwise; you just wanted to break the awkward silence.

“Look, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to; I’m not some monster. And,” Sukuna scratched the back of his neck, “I know all those idiots out there expect us to make out and have sex — since we’re dating and whatnot, but fuck whatever they’re thinking, okay?”

“Sukuna, I—it’s okay. I do want this, with you, and no one else.”

You hoped Sukuna would get the hint, as you two had come close to this moment multiple times, yet never actually indulged in it. The both of you being in close proximity always brought a lot of tension. Sukuna could never keep his hands off of you; playful touches frequently turned to ones filled with a different desire. You reminded yourself to take things slow, and just go with the flow, since you two had only started dating recently. But, needless to say, it was hard to restrain yourself from jumping his bones, and sleeping over at his apartment more often definitely did not help you one bit.

“Oh yeah? It might be a little too late for you to change your mind later on, though,” Sukuna murmured, drawing nearer and nearer until he had you backed up against the wall. 

“I won’t be able to help myself, and neither will you. Can you blame me, though, when I’ve got an absolute work of art standing right in front of me?” He tipped your chin upward with a single index finger, while his other hand trailed up your side.

You knew what was coming, as you closed your eyes the second Sukuna gingerly connected his lips with yours. It was tender at first; Sukuna wanted to savor the taste, smell, feel, of you. He had been craving this for God knows how long. And you knew he wasn’t planning on letting you go when Sukuna gripped you by the jaw as his other hand rested on your hip.

Sukuna tasted of the chapstick you had recently bought him, and his unruly hair was soft beneath your fingertips — as always. You both moved in sync, like your lips were molded just for each other. And, they probably were. If not, that would be a shame, since Sukuna wasn’t planning on kissing anyone else but you. He was already in too deep; nothing was going to coerce him.

Sukuna only — though resentfully — pulled away when you tapped him twice on the shoulder, indicating you needed to breathe.

“Fuck, you don’t know how long I’ve been waiting, dying, for this,” Sukuna groaned, burying his nose into the crook of your neck. “That white-haired dipshit is the bane of my existence, y’know. Can’t fucking stand him, not when he’s in the way of getting to my girl, not when he’s doing stupid stuff simply because he’s stupid, not when he’s being careless at important games, never.”

It was amusing, the way Ryomen “King of the Court” Sukuna was so wrapped around your finger. He was crazy for you; you made him crazy.

“Damn, you’re really driving me nuts, huh. Can’t even think without you clogging up my head. What are you, a witch or something?” You felt Sukuna’s grin widen as he laughed aloud.

You pouted, your bottom lip jutting out as you threaded your fingers through Sukuna’s pink hair. “Hmph, don’t be mean. Seriously. What’s your problem?”

“Haven’t I made it obvious enough? ‘Sides, aren’t you supposed to be, like, smart and whatnot?”

“. . .”

Sukuna raised his head from your neck to look at you, curious after your silence. “Aww, don’t give me that look, sweetheart. You know I was just joking.”

When you wouldn’t even look him in the eye — not because you were genuinely upset, no, you just wanted to test the waters, Sukuna exhaled and dipped his head so his face was only mere inches away from yours. Your noses nearly touching.

“C’mon, don’t be mad at me. Hell, I should be the one who’s mad. After all, I’ve become a mad man because of you. Fuck, never leaving my mind, running through my head twenty-four seven, because of you. You, baby, you’re my problem. I’m a deranged mess . . . all for you. You, you, you.

“Shit, look at me, damnit,” Sukuna grasped your chin, forcing your face upward to meet his eyes. 

He wasn’t wrong when he said he was a mess; he was a hot mess. Because of you, All for you, you mulled over Sukuna’s words. You liked this side of him, you had to admit. You loved this side of him, you decided, as you cupped his cheek, bringing him in for another kiss. This time, more zealous, and impossibly more fervent.

It would be a lie to say Sukuna wasn’t surprised, because he was utterly amazed. The pink-haired man wasted no time in letting his hands roam up and down your waist as he pressed himself against you, deepening the kiss ever so slightly. 

“Mmph, Sukuna—please,” you whimpered, your words barely intelligible as Sukuna’s tongue explored your mouth. 

Sukuna felt overwhelmed by the feeling of you; it was almost as if he was being drugged — he wouldn’t be surprised if it was just the taste of you that did it for him, though. 

Sukuna didn’t care anymore, he had already thrown away any thought about anyone else outside that damned closet door immediately after you spared him that one look of yours. The one that made him question why he ever kissed other girls, why he ever dated anyone before you, why he didn’t do this earlier. The one which made him — despite his large stature — nearly fall onto his knees and kiss the ground upon which you walked.

“You fuckin’ minx, use those words of yours. ‘Please’ what, huh? Tell me, and I’ll do it,” he mumbled, between placing hot, sloppy, ephemeral kisses on your lips.

“I—ngh—need you, need you so bad, ‘Kuna.” Your knees buckled, and you would’ve fallen if you weren’t held up by Sukuna’s bruising grip on your hips.

“Fuck.”

Every ounce of self-restraint and control that Sukuna had left in his body dissipated at the sound of those three words. Something snapped in the pink-haired man right then and there, and you knew — after seeing that feral, crazed look in his darkening eyes — that you would hardly make it out of here the same person you were before.

Sukuna wasted no time in slipping his hands under that flimsy, dainty dress of yours, memorizing every curve and aspect of your body. And, unbeknownst to you, a strap of your dress had slowly slid down your shoulder as your hands found purchase on Sukuna’s chest and bicep. Your boyfriend was quickly made aware of this when he caught sight of more cleavage than he had hoped after the front of your dress dipped forward.

“You’re such a tease,” you whined, at the unexpected feeling of Sukuna licking a stripe up your throat; heat rushed to your face as you grew more squirmish.

“Don’t move so much; maybe then I’ll be a little nicer.” Sukuna cursed under his breath as he planted searing hot kisses upon your shoulder, across your collarbone, trailing down your chest in his path.

His cock twitched under the confines of his pants at the sight of your finally freed tits; he nearly ate you whole when he found you weren’t even wearing a bra. His hand grew nearer and nearer to the swell of your breast as he latched on with his mouth to the other one.

Your back arched off the wall, bringing you even closer to Sukuna’s unforgiving touches as he fondled one breast and nipped and sucked at the other, never once giving either of your tits an unequal amount of attention.

Sukuna’s knee pressed between your legs, right where you needed him most, and you had to cover your mouth to stifle the almost pornographic sounding moan that was elicited consequently. You couldn’t help it; you hadn’t been very out in the open in a long time, no, not ever since Sukuna came into the picture.

“Sensitive, are we? Heh,” Sukuna grinned, pulling away from your chest to admire his handiwork. Your lips were swollen, bruised from his endless biting, kissing, sucking, and your tits and chest were blooming with developing marks — or love bites, as Sukuna called them, when you reprimanded him later on.

Everyone outside the closet, down the hall, knew what you two were doing. You knew this was probably wrong for a president to do; you were supposed to set a good example for others to follow. Yet, nothing had ever felt so right.

The metal of Sukuna’s rings were cold against your thighs as he carelessly pushed your soaked panties to the side. You bit your lip, containing your whimpers as his fingers brushed against your clit.

“What’s wrong, hm? Be a good girl f’me and let me hear those pretty sounds of yours,” Sukuna’s lips ghosted the shell of your ear as he spoke so casually.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, eyes squeezed shut and your nails leaving crescent-shaped marks up and down Sukuna’s arms when he first slipped a single digit inside.

Soon that one turned into two, and you were tightening around his fingers as you felt a knot build up in your stomach. Sukuna quickened the pace, curling his fingers inside of you.

Noticing the way your body tensed, Sukuna couldn’t help but feel bad. Cooing, he murmured, “That’s right. Just let go. Mhm, there you go; you’ve got it.”

You were hot all over; the throbbing in your core intensifying even after you came all over his hand.

Peaking an eye open after hearing a belt unbuckle, you let out an audible gasp at the sight of Sukuna’s stiff cock; the reddened tip leaking precum uncontrollably. 

“Sukuna, I—I don’t think that’s going to fit.”

“Don’t make me laugh.”

Sukuna swiftly turned you around so your back was flush against his chest. You gulped, planting your palms against the closet wall.

Sukuna had you babbling nonsense as soon as he entered you. It was a surprise you even got this far without calling it quits, Sukuna was surprised, to say the least. “F-fuck, you’re too big, ‘Kunaa.”

It was overwhelming, the stretch. You could practically feel him in your guts. But it was crystal clear things were only going to get harder. You knew Sukuna wasn’t a kind man. You knew he wasn’t neither soft nor careful. However, Sukuna was a person who knew how to mix pain and pleasure just right. 

After your walls molded to fit him, his pace was unforgiving, hips snapping against yours with an inimitable speed. A particularly hard thrust had you crying out, clawing at the walls looking for purchase, to no avail.

Sukuna’s hands groped and squeezed at your breasts, even going as far as pinching a nipple, eliciting a loud whimper from your lips.

“‘tis too much, too much, ‘Kuna, I can’t,” you mewled.

In an attempt to soothe you, Sukuna lathered the skin of your shoulders in endless amounts of kisses, while one of his hands trailed down your torso.

“Hahh, you’ve no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,” Sukuna’s breathing was heavy, and warm as it hit your skin. “Every time I saw you with one of those degenerates you called boyfriends, I nearly lost it. Since high school, too, y’know, ngh, I always wondered if they made you feel as good as I could, if you gave me a chance. But no, I told myself it was better to wait. And, whaddya know, I was right.”

Sukuna rubbed your clit with his thumb, in efforts to get you even louder than you already were. He wanted to get you on the edge, push you past your limits, see you out of your mind on his cock. Your non-stop whining rung in his ears, and he groaned at the feeling of your walls fluttering. The coil in your stomach tightened ever so slightly, and Sukuna just knew you were close when you started panting his name like a prayer.

“I’m a mad man for you, baby. I would kill for you, walk across earth and back, worship you like the goddess you are. So, hah, tell me I'm not crazy. Tell me I’m not the only one. Hell, you feel it, too, don’t you. Fuck, I—God, you seriously have no idea how much I love you. How much I love, ngh, this, and everything about us. Not a clue, huh.” 

It’s safe to say you were beyond overstimulated, your brain already turned to mush, when your orgasm came crashing down on you — Sukuna’s following soon after — leaving your legs shaking and a mess drying between your thighs.

With a final groan from Sukuna, he buried his face in the crook of your neck and snaked his arms around your waist. To be honest, it felt like you were the one holding Sukuna up, when it should be the other way around. Considering your current physical condition, and the ratio between your and your boyfriend’s stature.

Sukuna let you ride out your orgasm, while he breathed in your scent.

Sukuna didn’t find laughter in many situations, but when he saw your flushed face, eyes squeezed shut in bliss, mascara running down your cheeks, he couldn’t help but let a small grin slip out.

You were too lost in the moment to even hear Sukuna say those three words which you longed to hear ever since you two got together. But, it didn’t matter, Sukuna thought. He planned on saying them much more often later, anyway.

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