#a musing of sorts

[teething-possum]

There’s a tweet I’ve seen that mentions Jesus, son of a carpenter, and his (possible) reactions to the scent of the cross.

And I just want people to stop and think about this for a moment. Like…

Jesus, son of God, in the form of Man, was raise by a carpenter. He was the firstborn of Joseph, though he bore no blood of him.

He likely helped Joseph with his carpentry projects, at the very least was raised with carpentry tools and the wooden pieces all around him.

Do you think he thought of both his Heavenly father and his Earthly father as he climbed Golgotha?

Do you think he felt touched by both of them, for a moment? God’s Will and the scent of Joseph baring down on him as he walked, bleeding and beaten?

I wonder if, even for a second, Jesus wondered what Joseph would say about the construction of the cross, if Joseph’s voice echoed in his ears, the lessons on construction and worthwhile wood that had been etched into his brain came leaking out along with his blood.

I want to know if Jesus, the Son of God, felt more like Jesus, son of Joseph, for a moment before his death.

[anxiety-banana]

hello i would like everyone to know that sometimes you can sob your eyes out and have an existential crisis one moment and then suddenly you're booking your driver's test and applying for jobs and crocheting a blanket and maybe life isn't so bad anymore!! maybe you can feel awful and fix your life anyway!! maybe you're allowed to be a wreck and still be good enough!! i am a full on adult and have avoided getting my license for years but now i'm finally doing it because i've grown around the fear!!!! the world didn't crash and burn when i was fifteen!! i did this for myself and i'm going to be okay!!

[thatdisasterauthor]

On my hike today I ran into a field trip of middle schoolers and showed them the rock I found that was covered in caterpillars. This briefly made me their god. (The middle schoolers. Not the caterpillars. Caterpillars have no god.) They asked many questions until I managed to sneak away while they were distracted by the neat bugs. The next time they saw me I was fifty feet above them on an overlook and back lit by the sun. They screamed with glee. I waved and carried on with my hike. I did not see them again.

[madamemiz]

sad: falling out of a hyperfixation

tragic: watching your beloved friends and mutuals fall out of the hyperfixation while you're still in it

[canisalbus]

Ok ok hear me out: it could end in tragedy,, AND have a happy ending. The attempt(s) on Machete’s life force him to flee, he doesn’t even have the chance to find Vasco. Cue gay longing for at least a few years while Machete despairs over the loss of his love, his life, his status. He and Vasco only reunite (again) in their later years. Their relationship is forever flavored with loss and loneliness, but that only means they savor every moment that much more

I also I would like to see them as old men. Vasco would be so droopy :)

You gave me such old dog brainworms.

[tamago-aki]

ominous ahsoka w predator eyes my love..

can you tell that one post abt togruta having more predatory elements floating around here has affected my mind

[authorafterhours]

We see Hannibal calming Will, especially in the earlier seasons where he was spiraling, and later, he stops him from shooting the social worker. I want to see the roles reversed, where Hannibal is in a bloodlust frenzy, and Will gentles him like he is one of those feral dogs he finds on the side of the road.

Pinning Hannibal down, cupping his face if he can, forcing Hannibal to look Will in the eye if he won't, hissing "look at me." Maybe Will biting him in the neck to shock him out of it, resting their foreheads together, exhaling calmness as they share breath. Will petting his hair, whispering things like, "I got you," "we're okay," and "you’re mine."

[hana-bobo-finch]

drops this here and runs away ok bye

[babacontainsmultitudes]

Oh yeah, I really liked Francis' nervous little "yeah you should... you should see the other guy" when Kelsey points out the blood on his legs. What's the matter Francis? You're not feeling guilty over what happened to Shane, are you? Or are you worried about Kelsey finding out what you did? That's how I read it anyways. I think it's a fun direction for his development, and to me personally much more interesting than him simply becoming increasingly trigger happy without any remorse or regret. I hope it eats away at him more and more the longer he holds it in (with appropriate mechanical consequences) 🤞.

[tommykinard6]

Should I be eating and resting? Yes. Am I? No, so come join me for a dissertation on Tommy Kinard being lonely.

Edit to add a note since I saw a reblog about it: Tommy has no canonical age right now and Lou is 39, 40 later this year, so that is my basis for saying he’s 39.

Now when I say lonely, I don’t mean that he has no one whatsoever. I can picture him going for drinks with his team or having some Muay Thai buddies that he could call up if he really was inclined. Maybe an old army buddy or two.

But there’s something about Tommy that’s just achingly lonely, both when he was at the 118 and now at Harbor.

Tommy had a broken home, or some other kind of unstable childhood. Maybe his parents split, maybe he was mistreated, maybe he was in the system or was passed around family members. Maybe he was isolated as a child because he was a little overweight (I think Lou said something along those lines) and was bullied. I think Tommy didn’t really have any friends until high school, when puberty hit and maybe he started working out and probably joined the football team. I don’t know if anyone remembers what teenage boys are like, but I can imagine they were the same as they are today back in the 90s/early 00’s. Because around this time, Tommy might’ve started to realize that something was very different about him.

Now this isn’t a meta about how I think Tommy dealt with his sexuality (maybe I’ll do one of those later) but I think he never would’ve risked his football friends knowing even if he himself could acknowledge it, which I doubt. So he messed around, got in trouble with these guys, hung out with the bros, and pretended to be interested in girl talk.

Of course, eventually, his buddies all got girlfriends and he was always the odd one out again.

He didn’t do college. The army was his next step. And I feel like this might have been the first time in his life he wasn’t lonely. He’d learned to blend in by this point and he worked with some great people. But as he started making real friends for the first time, he also started losing them as the war tore them away.

Tommy left the army and joined the fire department. There was an aching hole where the camaraderie of the army had filled previously and with no education beyond a high school diploma, Tommy thought the fire department would replicate that. Not the police though. He’d had enough of guns.

(And ohhhh now so many ideas on his thoughts during the sniper)

But he ended up at the 118 and quickly realized that his team had maybe more of a DADT stance than the army. He realized that he had to put on an elaborate act to fool his fellow firefighters, who had more time on their hands and more prejudice they were willing to wield to pick apart his life. Tommy, who maybe had only just started to acknowledge he felt differently about guys with less panic than before, had no choice but to backslide. He acted and acted and crafted a person he wasn’t until the day that maybe he was. Sal was his closest buddy at the 118 and Tommy had no doubt that Sal would be one of the first to make his life hell. Gerrard seemed to look at Tommy as some sort of mentee. Boxed in by two notorious bigots, Tommy had never felt more claustrophobically alone.

Chim was the first one to reach out a hand of friendship, or at least the first one that didn’t come with caution tape, but he was also an “other” and Tommy, who was confused and afraid and had just had his captain call his bluff on his fake girlfriend, lashed out. Then he allowed Chim in and Chim wasn’t interested in being besties but he was a great drinking buddy and movie buddy and Tommy felt safest around him.

Then Hen came and Tommy watched her get the same treatment he was afraid of. Not that he had to worry about the racism, and he was aware of the privilege, but Hen didn’t exactly hide herself and he watched them bully his lesbian coworker. He let himself get pulled into it all and hated himself for it, but was too cowardly to break away from it. He wasn’t sure why Hen had forgiven him, but she became the only other person on shift he felt even a little safe around other than Howie. But then Chimney and Hen became best friends and Tommy fell to the wayside. They still included him, sure, but they were always a pair and there was something there that Tommy didn’t know but longed for. A closeness he’d never felt.

A best friend. A juvenile idea to him, but one he’d never truly had.

Then Gerrard was gone and Sal got transferred and the 118 moved forward under Captain Nash, but Tommy felt left behind, even in what was the most united A shift team yet. Because he was over 30 and was starting to be unable to ignore everything that he’d had to hide under Gerrard, as he no longer had a distraction from it.

He’d been a pilot in the army, so he transferred to Harbor. And Harbor was great. He wasn’t best buds with anyone (he was starting to think that was never in the cards for him) but his team didn’t carry the same baggage that the 118 had.

So Tommy started to come to terms with himself. He started to date for the first time and came out to his team. And he had several boyfriends, but most couldn’t handle the job or his baggage or the desperate need he had to be wanted. His most long term partner cheated and the one he fell hardest for couldn’t deal when Tommy was injured on the job. Even within his own relationships, he felt like he was destined to stand alone.

Tommy was 39 years old and alone, as always, when Chimney walked back into his life, dragging an adorable and also extremely hot blonde and a stoic brunette that radiated ex military in a way only ex military could know. And then Hen was there and they were trying to rescue their captain and his wife and they clearly loved each other fiercely and like family.

And as Tommy listened, flying through the remnants of a cat 5 hurricane, he thought to himself that he should’ve never left. Simply just never found himself if only that meant being part of the family the 118 was now. However, he knew deep down that he still would’ve been alone and on the outside.

And they rescued the survivors and Tommy thought that was it but then Eddie wanted to hang out. And they liked the same things and had similar experiences and Tommy couldn’t help the hope. Because the loneliness had grown stifling and now he could breathe a little. And then Evan, the cute blonde, wanted a tour of the hanger and he thought that maybe he was being hit on.

And then at the end of it all, Tommy was left realizing that he’d wedged himself between two best friends and that was what happened when he allowed himself to hope. So he went to Evan to apologize. He would get Evan and Eddie to talk to each other and then would fade into the background.

But then Evan was sweet and apologetic and told him that he was part of the 118 family simply by helping them. Tommy couldn’t help it. Here he was, at 39, with a little boy still waiting inside of him to be soothed. And Evan was hot and sweet and Tommy couldn’t help himself.

And he really liked Evan. Evan was adorable. But their first date didn’t go as planned and Tommy knew he was already whipped. So he removed himself before someone could get hurt. Evan deserved better and so did he, even if the loneliness was stifling again.

But then Evan texted him and looked at him with sparkling blue eyes over too sweet coffee and wanted him. Him. He wanted Tommy and to have something with Tommy and he wanted him to come to his sister’s wedding with him.

And Tommy looked at him and saw someone who could finally fill the ache he’d felt his whole life. He saw a man who he knew he wanted to take a chance with. All he had to do was jump.

And he did.

And it wasn’t solved, not immediately and never fully. Too many wounds were left gaping for too long to ever heal. But for the first time in his life, at 39, with the 118 surrounding him and Buck as the sunshine at his side, Tommy finally felt at peace.

[bericas]

sceo weekend 2024 (day 3) → on the road

it might not be long, but baby, I'll love you 'til the day that I die.

[lelianasbong]

you know. going into things i thought for sure that statistically speaking neve and bellara together would pull most of the wider playerbase romance-wise (considering they're an attractive human and elf woman respectively, and considering that shadowheart swept 52% of romance pts in bg3 despite fandom spaces like tumblr & ao3 being saturated in astarion and gale)

BUT genuinely bellara seems to be getting such a negative response with people citing the quirky descriptor, unfavorably comparing her to peebee/liara/sera/merrill (depending on who they dislike most) based on snippets. even on TUMBLR where there's vocal interest in ancient elves and magic and the dalish, a lot of people seem eager to write her off as annoying or at least don't have much of an interest in her

can't tell if that's just internet echo chamber stuff based on not knowing much about her at this point (we have descriptions and screenshots but that's different from really talking with and interacting with a character, and this perception of her may change after people actually play the game and she wins them over - or doesn't) or if it'll reflect in player statistics down the line because i was SURE people would eat her up (in a good way)! and have been a little surprised by this (admittedly very early) response

[butcharium]

It is so crazy growing older and discovering small changes on my body like for some time I've noticed how hair has spread across the back of my hand, and how i now have some thick hairs along the entire lengths of my fingers. But it turns out that all this time my feet have grown a proper forest while I was too busy admiring the undeniable yet ultimately not so visible hairiness of my hands. And the prominent hollows under my mother's cheekbone now are even more apparent whenever I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, despite us both being overweight. Growing up seems to mean turning into a monkey but also into my mother in my case. I think it is fascinating how our bodies by no means stop developing and changing naturally after puberty. It feels like a slow and steady train, and suddenly you discover you have more of one of the traits that makes you you, suddenly a relative is revealed in your face, your hands, your gait. I hope I am following the development of my personality as well with the same amused and fascinated acceptance.

[canonkiller]

do you consider your self made?

[quinloki]

May you cum so hard you reconsider your morals.

[iamnmbr3]

truly this website has sponsored content like no other

what even is this?! tumblr, i know i post a lot about tom riddle but this is a bit much.