#a mother mourning her son so violently that she wishes she could eat his killer’s liver raw and think ‘Hmmm. Looks like Uncle Sam to me.’

[softly-and-suddenly]

Shout out to the girl in one of my classes in undergrad who called the Iliad “Military propaganda.” I think about you daily

[buffyversefanfiction]

Tristan Tormented

Warning: I do not own the rights to the television show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, its spin-off series Angel, its dark horse comics continuation series, or any of the characters created by Joss Whedon and others in the Buffyverse. 15 years +, Mild to Strong Violence, Sexual References, Suicidal Thoughts which may be potentially triggering. F/F, F/M, M/M, Other +

Volume 7 - Shadow Self (Part One)

“Mandi,” A traumatized Tristan spoke as the body of his childhood friend Mandi lay on a rustic prison like bed within the abandoned hospital that he, Faith and Angel had just sneaked into hoping to save the witch whose corpse was now laying there on the bed with the clear signs of a broken neck. “Mandi…” Still clearly in shock Tristan rushed over to Mandi’s body quickly holding her in his arms before shaking her as he repeatedly shouted her name, growing more and more frantic before he let out a heartbroken scream as he hugged the witch’s lifeless body and sobbed for the loss of his former best friend. He continued to hug her tighter and tighter sobbing more and more before gently placing her body back down on the bed and gently closing her eyes with the softest touch of his hands as he just stood looking at her body, knowing she was gone and had be for some time now. “She didn’t make a sound except for the sound of her neck breaking…and then she was gone just like that.” Drusilla cruelly taunted him as she opened the door and walked into the room, thrilled to see Tristan devastated by a death she had caused. “This reminds me of the day we first met…only you were innocent back then, not so much now! In fact, her blood is as much on your hands as it was on mine.” “You ruthless bitch!” Tristan screamed at his sire before launching himself at her, throwing punch after punch across Drusilla’s face before his eyes suddenly went jet black and a shadow like smoke launched itself out from both his hands attacking Drusilla instantly and throwing her through a wall only for the smoke to disappear straight afterwards, along with Tristan’s eyes returning to normal. Tristan had no idea what had just happened or how it happened and he did not care because now he had the upper hand and he was ready to take out the evil vampire once and for all as he climbed through the decaying wall in which Drusilla was thrown through and into another room filled with empty and rotting hospital beds as Drusilla began to slowly stand back up, clearly wounded from the shock attack. “I was ready to punish you like I did the witch but there’s still hope for a mother son reunion after all.” Drusilla said gleefully, seemingly knowing more about what had just happened than what Tristan did. “I am going to kill you!” Tristan said emotionless as his eyes returned to their jet-black color before he began walking towards Drusilla. “The shadow demon is a little stronger in you now,” Drusilla cackled with excitement. “You may have kept your soul, but you awakened something far more powerful something deep within the creation of the first slayer.” “What the hell are you talking about?” Tristan asked as he stopped walking towards Drusilla, his eyes once again returning to their normal color. “That darkness inside you feel now more than ever is that of the shadow demon’s heart soul and spirit.” Drusilla informed him, continuing to laugh manically. delighted with what she had found out. “The reason you have a soul is because it’s the demon’s soul.” “No that’s not true!” Tristan shouted as he launched another punch across Drusilla’s face furiously. “I’ve faced my darkness; I’ve defeated it and now I am going to defeat you.” “Oh, my darling boy you are more lost now than you ever were but soon you will be found.” Drusilla stated, “But until then I am going to have to say goodbye.” Before Tristan could ask anymore questions Drusilla ran towards the nearby window and threw herself through the already have broken glass, breaking off what remained as she jumped downwards to her escape and instead of following her, instead of seeking the revenge he now craved more than ever he just stood there frozen in the revelation. Tristan had believed his soul remained because there was good in him because he was good underneath all his monstrous acts but now Drusilla’s theory suggested something else, if anything that she was saying was true.

Tristan never got his revenge on Drusilla neither did he, Faith or Spike manage to save Mandi and the guilt quickly began to eat away at the demonic slayer growing more and more as each day and night went by. They may have left the woods and the abandoned hospital behind to return to New York but once again that place had a killer hold on Tristan. Tristan tried his best to mask his grief over Mandi’s death as he continued to work at the bar he shared with Faith but every time he found himself alone at night struggling to sleep and when he did he had the recurring nightmare of finding Mandi on repeat in his dreams, forcing him away, shaken and torn, as if he was reliving her death every single time he closed his eyes. One of those painful sleep cycles started just like they always did and ended with Tristan once again waking up with a scream as he popped up in his bed within his bedroom located above the bar but this time his scream sounded like a banshee’s wail, piercing the air so violently that the glass on the window completely shattered only adding to the look of horror on Tristan’s face as Faith came running in, ready to slay whatever made that noise. “Tristan…are you okay?” Faith asked, noticing from the look of terror on Tristan’s face that the demonic slayer was anything but okay before looking over at the broken window. “What the hell did that?” “She did!” Tristan said, struggling to get the words out, his voice sounding shaken and traumatized. “She’s haunting me, she wants revenge!” “Tristan, I do not think this is Mandi,” Faith replied as she began walking over to Tristan’s bed before sitting down on the end of the bed. “She wouldn’t do this; something clearly did but I do not think it was her.” “I keep seeing her everywhere she is haunting me, and I cannot pretend I am okay anymore.” Tristan cried. “I deserve this! I deserve it all, I just wish she would kill me already and have it over with.” “This is not Mandi!” Faith told him before reaching out her hand to touch Tristan’s shoulder, attempting to comfort him, only to be surprised when he did not strong off her hand. “What happened to her was on Drusilla not you, we tried to save her we were just too late!” “If I hadn’t killed Lucas, she would not have been alone for Drusilla to strike,” Tristan said as he broke down and began sobbing. “If I never introduced her to Drusilla, she would never have targeted her in the first place…all of this is on me! I do not deserve to be the one alive she was the good one, Drusilla should have killed her not me.” “Hey, do not speak like that Tristan do not ever speak like that!” Faith demanded before pulling a sobbing Tristan over to her as she hugged him tightly in her arms, desperate to make her friend’s pain go away, knowing that pain all too well herself. “We will find out what is doing this then we will kill it you will never speak like this again alright.” Faith had no idea what had happened that night but she did not feel like it was the spirit of the recently deceased witch however one thing she was certain of was Tristan was seriously slipping as he continued to mourn his childhood friend. She had hoped that once he broke down a little, he would feel better but this was the kind of breakdown that if she did not intervene straight away would wind up with him in the loony bin or worse dead. Faith was no stranger to the road to redemption or the dark thoughts that lurked it’s way in along the journey but she also knew when it came to pep talks and life changing hugs Buffy and Angel had her beat time and time again which meant getting them to come to New York to help their son through this giving her the free time to work out if he was really being haunted or if there was something else behind the breaking of the windows.

Buffy Summers had not seen her son in well over a year not being able to erase the memory of Tristan climbing out of his own grave from her mind which was a triggering image not only for how she felt over her son but because she had an eerily similar grave encounter of her own. Buffy never meant for it to be so long before seeing her son again but she was convinced he had to focus on his own redemption without dealing with the extra baggage that Buffy and Angel had become to their own child due to no fault of their own. She knew he needed his time to find himself again after the many toxic twists in his life or at least that is what she had let herself believe until she had got a phone call from Faith who told her of Mandi’s untimely death and how badly it had effected Tristan and how he believed he was being haunted by her spirit. Whether he was or was not being haunted by her ghost was something for them all to later investigate but right now more than ever Tristan needed his parents, the only problem was his parents had never really got the chance to be his parents especially Buffy who had no contact with him for over a year. “I packed a present, a present, like hey your friend’s dead but it is okay because I got you this cool gift!” Buffy rambled as she took a present out of her bag which was placed on her bed in the room of her San Francisco apartment that she shared with Willow, before throwing the present onto the other end of her bed. “I should be better at this, I’ve lost people, I lose people all the time.” “This is not a grieving thing it is a mum thing,” Willow told her after walking into Buffy’s room. “It’s nobody’s fault but your new to the mum thing and this is your chance to be there for him without you know him trying to kill you.” “Hey, we do not know for sure he is not going to want to kill me once he sees me again.” Buffy joked, before realizing. “Oh god, we do not know if he is going to want to kill me again!” “Drusilla did a number on Tristan and by number I mean a brainwash of the nuttiest kind coming from the nuttiest vampire we’ve ever come across but he spent time with Angel and Faith seems to have really bonded with him, not in a motherly way more like a sister brother thing which is weird considering he’s technically only a few years old.” Willow replied, trying to reassure her best friend. “Gosh, Tristan makes Dawn’s existence a lot less confusing, well until you start going into what she was before human…” “Willow, your rambling, your meant to be pep talking and your rambling.” Buffy laughed at the redheaded witch. “I kind of need reassurance right now!” “Do you want me to come with?” Willow asked, eager to help the slayer in anyway, as always. “I can be ready in five!” “I do not think showing up with my witch bestie to my son who just lost his witch bestie is a good idea, besides I’d just rely on you too much and I need to do this mother to son, who is only a few years younger than me which is weird because he is meant to be a few years old.” Buffy answered, before realizing what she was doing. “Okay I am rambling again, I need to get to packing and then going!”

Tristan walked down the stairs of his apartment, which led to the backroom to his pub Rogue’s, before continuing to walk through to the front of the bar, clearly exhausted from his lack of sleep due to the nightmares he was having only to be left shocked to see Angel sat on a stool at the bar counter looking like he had been there for some time, waiting for his son to come downstairs. “What are you doing here?” Tristan asked abruptly. “I’ve not been killing anybody…not been helping anybody either but still I do not need locking up this time around.” “Tristan, I know we focused heavily on your redemption when you were in Los Angeles with me but that does not mean I’m your sober coach so to speak.” Angel replied, before reluctantly asking. “You are still on pig’s blood, right?” “I upgraded to blood bags that I steal from the hospital,” Tristan answered him with a laugh, knowing Angel had to ask despite not wanting to. “Stealing makes me feel like I have not reverted back into the total nerd I used to be but no nobody gets killed!” “You were a nerd?” Angel responded with a laugh. “I cannot picture that.” “Big time, getting good grades were everything to me well that a boy who used me like a fool and of course my bestie…Mandi.” Tristan admitted before realizing halfway through his words that Mandi was dead, causing his face to drop with a sigh of sadness. “That’s why I’m here son…” Angel announced as he stood up to be eye level with his child. “Faith told me about your friend, and I want to be here for you.” “You called me son…I am not your son my father died a long time ago; you are not him!” Tristan snapped, lashing out because it was easier than breaking down. “And Faith had no right talking to you behind my back.” “It was not like that I promise, you do not have to get defensive about being in pain it is okay to be hurting Tristan.” Angel tried to convince his second son, eager to get through to him. “I cannot imagine all the things that must have happened to cause you to close up like this, but it is not healthy pretending not to feel especially when your grieving.” “Look I was not down for the preaching from you or Giles when I was in L.A. and I am sure as hell not down for it now and no you have no damn idea what I have been through so you have no right to tell me how to feel or how to react to how I feel.” Tristan shouted, letting his anger out which instantly started to make him feel better. “You did not kill Mandi or your parents, Dru did just like I killed her, just like I killed my own.” Angel admitted to Tristan painfully, shocking his son by the revelation Angel killed his own family, one of the things Drusilla never told him. “I know what it is like to carry the guilt of killing your family because I actually did…you did not!” “You killed your parents…” Tristan said in shock. “It was after I was turned when I was Angelus, there is a lot of monstrous things I did back then that I can never fully redeem myself for and I know you get that feeling but you do not have to redeem yourself for your parents or Mandi.” Angel explained to him, noticing tears forming in Tristan’s eyes, believing he was getting through to his son. “You had no soul back then; you are not the same person you were then.” Tristan told him, trying to make his father feel better, before reluctantly admitting. “I actually think your one of the best people I know…these days.” “Wow, I think that was close to a compliment, the closest you probably get.” Angel joked as the father and son shared a short laugh. “Look I just want to be there for you, and I hear Rogue’s might be haunted…” “Is there nothing Faith does not tell you?” Tristan asked, not realizing just how much Angel and Faith still talked. “I’ve dealt with a lot of ghosts,” Angel said, making his expertise known. “What do you say to some back up on this ghost hunt?” “I guess a séance between two people would probably not be the best.” Tristan agreed, secretly happy to have his father’s help. “I’ll get Faith to see if Spike is still in New York so we can get the numbers up to at least four.” “Spike?” Angel asked, clearly unamused by the mention of his frenemy’s name. “What is Spike doing here in New York? What is he still doing here?” “Yeah Faith said you guys weren’t exactly tight.” Tristan laughed. “Guess you and I have something in common in that sense!” Angel and Spike had a lot of jealousy shared equally between the both of them often competing with the other and it did not help they both shared a great love for Buffy Summers so hearing that his son Tristan was not fond of Spike was an instant relief to Angel. For a moment he feared Spike would have a closer bond to his son than he did but Tristan had quickly reassured him, the only problem now for Angel was the curiosity to how tight Spike and Faith were now, although he would never want to admit that of course. Centuries long jealousy aside Angel was here for his son and for his son he would be even if that meant playing nice with Spike to talk to spirits with Faith and Tristan to find out if Mandi was really haunting Rogue’s or if something else sinister was targeting his son.

TO BE CONTINUED…