#a mental block stopping me even tho it's nothing lmao

[teddys-shion]

there's an idea i had way back when ven was still paired with kerry (so the dawn of time pretty much) and sometimes i still wanna take the photo

[bossyuri]

Ima put my random thoughts about SRV in here! It probably won't make much sense but wtv sdfsg

again I haven't placed the last building or conquered the whole map yet, as context, but i did finish the main story aside from that.

So ima start of with thoughts while disregarding how the bugs affected the experience!

Overall, I had a good time! I really enjoyed it. I love the new crew. I loved the focus on friendship. I'd say the story overall is nothing really special though, which I don't think is necesserily a bad thing. Sometimes a chill story packaged in a fun game is good ya know.

I loved finding out bits and pieces about our friends through dialogue, I think that was great, and I really liked that it felt like a solid friend group. Modern Yuri (as I like to colloqually call him lmao) is so much more mellow from having a good support system early on lol. But he's still got some Classic Yuri in him.

The rival gangs I think that thematically, visually, their music and stuff, they were great. I liked them a lot, they had good contrast, their music when you fight them rules. I do think that they were a little underused in the actual story though so they don't quite leave the impact that say, the Syndicate did. The threat they posed felt more theorical than anything you actually see. Again not the worst thing, but I feel like they could've used a bit more time to be more present. (I did like how the Panteros stuff ended because it tied in with other things later though!). Like I think in particular that the collective could have been used a lot more.

That said I did play with looong months-long break for the first quarter of the game so idk how that affected my impression. And the last few missions I think were really, really cool, I really liked them! But I felt like the middle parts after a certain point weren't quite as memorable.

But I don't think it was bad! And the game isn't quite over yet, so I'm looking forward to what's to come.

Also I did like how narratively the game tries to give you a nice fantasy release from a lot of real life issues. I'm sure many people at Volition had to face these frustrations in their lives and it felt like. relatable yknow.

Now though.....so I work in game QA, going on my 7th year, and the game released in....really an unnacceptable state, which was really a bummer and really harmed it. I don't blame the devs. Devs want to give us good games. But they don't control release dates.

and they did not control covid. I know a lot people see covid as an "excuse" to fuck up games but trust me as someone who was working in the industry through it all, it absolutely messed up a *lot* of stuff that you may never know about. My setup from home is still not ideal. And thats not even getting into employee burnout but anyway-

I've had crashes to desktop, blockers in missions (regularly), broken multiplayer (tho i havent had a chance to test it again after patches) needing full game restarts for a variety of reasons (clothes broken, face broken, world stopped populating, quest blocked...) the clothes system still breaks for me after so many months after release (thought its a lot better. i dont fear the stores as much anymore lol). I don't know if it's a quirk of the PC version, but it would have been so much more of a good experience if they had had the time to polish the game more before release. Lots of gamers don't have much patience for this kinda shit, and it's a shame for a game that has a lot of love put into it.

But they're still patching the game, and the QOL changes that they keep adding are really good. The game is a lot more stable for me too so I will definitely keep playing, and I'm hoping that my mental state will allow me to make some fun content from it. I'm still kinda hoping for a steam release sometime so I might get to replay the story again if that happens. Because taking screenshots on epic is a goddamn pain.

So huh anyway. I don't think anyone cares that much but if you've read that far thank you! And also thanks for sticking around with me for so long despite my dropping off the face of the earth in a depression spiral. But I'm still around and Yuri is still around. And Saints Row V is fun!

[rsmrymnt-tea]

2 9 and 17 please :)

uwaaa hello hello and thank you!! I went on kinda too long for one of these...

2. Who is your favorite character and why?

It's Solomon!!! Even though I don't talk about him nearly as much he's got the same power Satan has if he says or does anything in game and any Solomon slander I see around here that's so out of pocket or absolutely baseless imo gets me so upset >.< The instinct is to block and I have to stop myself lmao (tho if it happens thrice they're out no matter what sdfhjkg)

He's just so??? So?????? Agsdfjdfg my reasons for loving him are actually pretty similar to Satan, with the added perks of

Different sort of angst! That comes with his immortality! Humans aren't supposed to live that long and it's likely taken a toll on him emotionally and mentally! Mmm yummy delicious I enjoy thinking about the angst of that so much tbh

He's constantly looking out for MC? Even from the start, like literally that's how you meet him? 19/20 times he is the best voice of reason too?

OP as fuck, on par with MC in terms of raw power probably and I think they make an insane power couple and that they are the secret true route if we had to make this game like a typical otome with routes. (Also that MC should've stayed in the human world with him in S4 and all but I'll save that for my rewrite)

Almost let the three realms fall apart because he didn't want MC upset at him I am not over this, I really enjoyed his confession too like dhfgjkdfhj insane...

His character song murders me with his vocals every time sdfjkfdg so minor and not even that tied in to his character that much but it matters to me >.<

I'm always happy to see him!! Like for real each time there's a Lesson and he shows up I Am So Happy, there is no dread or cynicism I'm just happy to see him dsfjkghdkg

So very very very fond of him, he also has my whole heart even tho I really don't talk about him as much as Satan >.< I just think everyone else here has better takes on him?

9. Which job would you want to work the most in Devildom?

Racking my brains for every job I've seen mentioned but if going just from what we've got in the Jobs :D thing, I think I'd want to work at Hocus Pocus? There's something about being in charge of magical items and eventually picking up on what everything does that really appeals to me the same way I'd be that art supply store clerk who'd know too much about how each pen writes.

17. What event do you hope you’ll see in the future?

TSL EVENT PART 2 PLS WITH THE SIDE BOYS!! While at the same time, I don't want anything specific about Solomon so I can do whatever I want with him in my AU lmao >w<

I also really want a camping event for some reason? If they really want nothing but nonsense shenanigans there's so much you can do with camping

[ethvn-torchio]

Walls Could Talk | Chapter Two

a/n: sorry this chapter took so long! writer’s block is a bitch 😩✌

Summary: Steve and Peggy's search brings them to Paris - where they happen to meet up with an old friend.

Warnings: an intense makeout session/implied sexual content (it’s not smut, i haven’t decided if I’m putting actual smut in this fic)

Wordcount: 1.5k (unedited, also I'm sorry it's so short 🙃)

AO3 | prev chapter | next chapter (coming soon!)

ᴏᴄᴛ 𝟸𝟿, 𝟷𝟿𝟺𝟿

ᴏxғᴏʀᴅ, ᴇɴɢʟᴀɴᴅ

Steve wakes up in a cold sweat, bolting upright in bed. Was he still dreaming? Was this...was this real?

He gazes at Peggy - to make sure she was there, that all of this wasn't a mere fantasy, who begins to stir.

So, not a dream then, at least. His heart is racing, his mind buzzing and yet still confused and his breathing erratic. She's speaking to him, saying something, and he isn't quite listening, his heart thundering his ears. Adrenaline surges through his veins.

“I’m...I’m sorry, Peg. I didn’t mean to wake you up,” he whispers. His pulse was still racing.

Lightning illuminates the room for a split second and he can see the sympathy in her eyes.

"It's quite alright, Darling. Will you tell me what's wrong?" She asks, trailing her fingers through his hair.

"I...I don't- I don't remember much," he admits. "It was just...some stuff from the past...or, future..." he could almost laugh at that if he was in a better mood.

She nods sympathetically. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

He drinks in her appearance, nodding slightly. He presses his lips against hers softly.

He kisses her, gently and imploringly at first.

His one hand softly trails down her back, and he notices her sharp intake of breath when his hand ghosts over her lower back.

"This hurt?" he asks.

She nods stiffly. "I do believe I forgot to tell you with everything that happened tonight. I had a bit of a scuffle in the restroom with a Hydra agent. She slammed me against the sink," Peggy explains.

An idea forms in Steve's head; a single minded goal to make her forget.

He would make the only thing on her mind be him.

Wordlessly, he smiles and dips his head towards her neck, brushing his lips against it. His teeth graze against a sensitive spot on her neck and she makes a soft "Oh,"

His hands go to rest against either of her thighs. He pulls back, pupils blown.

“Steve,” she whispers. She lifts her hips in a silent invitation.

He leans down to kiss her, his lips against hers, and she's already breathless. He doesn't want to rush things, but he can't resist her.

Her hand slides down his back, and she lets out a soft moan against his mouth. His hands trail up her shirt, he can feel the goosebumps on her skin. He kisses her neck, and she can feel his hot breath against her skin.

"God, you're so beautiful. I love you," he whispers.

"I love you too," she replies.

He pulls her in for a desperate kiss once again, pulling her close.

—

The rain came and went, and with it sunshine followed.

“Peggy. Peggy, wake up,” is the first thing Peggy is greeted with in the morning.

Peggy groans, rolling over in an effort to ignore him. “No, not now,” she mutters, burying her face in the pillow.

Peggy feels weight on the bed as Steve sits down next to her. She tries in vain to ignore him.

"Oh, c'mon now, Peg. It's a new day, it's time to get up," he says.

“You are far too cheerful considering how early it is,” Peggy complains, shielding her eyes from the light pouring in from the blinds.

“...Peggy, it’s eleven in the morning.”

Peggy groans, glancing at the clock as if to make sure he’s right. “Point withstanding, you’re still too cheerful.”

“Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning,” Steve teases, narrowly missing a pillow flung haphazardly at him.

“Do shut up, Steve.”

He snickers.

Peggy yawns, stretching her sleep-infused joints. "Where are we going, again?"

"Word is our target's in Paris,” Steve replies. “Or at the very least, someone important is.”

Peggy hums, sitting up. The blanket wrapped around her falls off, revealing her bruised back.

"Jesus, Peg. Have you seen your back? That looks like it hurts," Steve notes.

"Yes, thank you for that insightful observation."

"I just mean- do you want ice or something?"

Peggy shrugs nonchalantly. "It doesn’t quite hurt. I can deal with it, I’ve faced worse."

“To be fair, you are the woman who fell asleep standing up in a trench.”

“Exactly,” Peggy winks. She stands up, beginning to sift through her suitcase. “So tell me, Steve. When’s our train leaving?”

—

ᴘᴀʀɪs, ғʀᴀɴᴄᴇ

A few hours later, they arrive at their dingy, rundown hotel just outside of Paris. The lobby smells like bleach and old carpet, and a radio plays a somber, mellow jazz tune.

Peggy clears her throat, waiting for the receptionist to acknowledge them.

The receptionist does not, however, care to notice.

“Can we have a room, please?” Peggy asks the woman at the front desk.

The woman hardly looks up from her magazine. “Name?”

“Carver,” Peggy answers automatically before Steve can.

The receptionist takes a long, seemingly never ending sip of her tea. Finally, she says. “Take the elevator to the third room, first one on the left. Here’s your key,” the woman says, sounding as disinterested as she possibly can. “Enjoy your stay,” she adds dryly.

Peggy eyes her warily. There was something a bit...off, about that woman.

Perhaps it was just her imagination.

They make their way to the elevator, and Steve finally breaks the silence. “So...is it just me or was there something weird about her? I mean, she could’ve just been a disgruntled employee, but…” he trails off, scratching the back of his neck.

Peggy hums. “No, I happen to agree. Though, perhaps we were just inconveniencing her by making her do her job.”

The smile fades from her face. “Stop,” Peggy whispers. She tilts her head toward the door, which was ajar. She clutches her gun in her purse.

Steve snorts. “Maybe,”

She laughs right along with him, but she pauses abruptly outside their door.

It could be the maid...but they haven’t even gotten into the room once.

Silently, the two stalk toward the door. The smell of smoke escapes from the room when Steve nudges the door open.

Which, in both of their experiences, usually did not happen to be a good thing.

In the chair in the corner, there sat...

Howard Stark.

A collective groan escapes the couple.

“Howard, must you break into our hotel room?” Peggy scolds, turning on the light.

“We thought you were an intruder.” Steve adds.

Howard smirks, taking a long drag of his cigar. “Technically, I am. But don’t you kids worry - I bring a peace offering. By peace offering, I mean I’m inviting you to stay in my Paris apartment instead of this dump,” Howard gestures loosely. “I mean, I don’t think this building even has heat.”

Steve shrugs. “Wouldn’t it be better to stay somewhere inconspicuous?”

“That’s what I was thinking,” Peggy agrees, her arms crossed.

Howard sniffs. “Okay, fine, don’t accept my extremely generous offer to let you stay at my apartment. I know when I’m not wanted. Just know I’ll remember that in the summer when you want to come over because I have air conditioning and you don’t.”

Peggy rolls her eyes. “Quit the melodramatics, Howard. We’ll stay with you,”

Steve wraps an arm around her. “Yeah, we- wait, we will?”

“...What? This building doesn’t have heat, and quite frankly I enjoy summer visits to Howard’s house.”

“Attagirl, Peg.” Howard beams. “I’ll meet you two in the lobby,”

—

Later, the trio eats lunch at Howard’s apartment.

"-you are not funny, Howard." Peggy informs him, pointing at him with her fork. "You could've at least feigned innocence."

"Innocent? If you looked up "innocent' in the dictionary, you'd see my picture on it," Howard says defensively.

Peggy snorts at that. "Oh, please, Howard. With your history you could easily father a small country,"

Howard grimaces. "Eugh, kids hate me. Plus, who has time to tend to a baby all the time? I mean sure, kids probably aren't annoying when they're...late teenagers? But for most of their lives, kids just seem so clingy and needy."

Steve picks at his plate absentmindedly, reminded of a conversation he had with Tony.

"Clearly, you must've met a different version of my father. He was cold. He was calculating. He never told me he loved me, he never even told me he liked me."

The sound of Peggy’s voice brings him back to reality. "...That's because they're children, Howard. Babies aren't self-sufficient from birth. Do you expect them to come out of the womb ready for rocket science?"

"Well, thank you for absolutely shattering my argument, Agent Carter." Howard mutters, downing his coffee. Deciding to change the subject in order to deflect attention off of himself, he says, "Steve, you still with us?"

Steve snaps to attention. "I, uh, yeah. I was just daydreaming, I guess."

Peggy makes a mental note to ask Steve about that later.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Howard asks.

Steve shrugs noncommittally, continuing to eat with much less gusto than before. "Just thinking about our mission,”

Peggy eyes him carefully, choosing to say nothing but clearly knowing something was wrong. In due time, she would ask.

In due time hopefully meant whenever Howard left the room.

—

lmao so like i was listening to a bunch of james bond songs bc they’re dramatic and spy-ey right (cough cough tho a song that fits the general tone of the fic would be "the world is not enough" by garbage)?? and then there’s absolutely none of that in this chapter lmao. sorry if this chapter was boring compared to last one but i mean we can’t have constant action in the fic, silly goose. 

also can we talk about how it took me like 8 DAYS TO WRITE THIS and it’s this short i’m sorry ajsjdfkgjjklk 😶✌

taglist (dm me if you’d like to be added!):

everything taglist: @return-of-the-simp​ @thereblogcrusader @stillmourningtonystark ​

walls could talk taglist: @deedepee​ @rizwritesfandom​ (extra thanks to riz for helping me when i was struggling with being descriptive u a real one) @mcu-academy​​

If you enjoyed, please rb/leave a comment! I'd love to hear your thoughts!

[colderthancoldest]

@flybi91 I LAUGHED OUT LOUD FOR LIKE A FULL MINUTE LMAO

She's not wrong tho

Here's my (softer) take:

-

Kisses

Synopsis: The Doctor's never understood why humans enjoy kissing so much- but that doesn't mean he's not willing to learn

10&Missy, fluff, soft kisses, ect

[I'll add an ao3 link at some point]

-

The Doctor was slowly getting used to being kissed. It wasn't a conscious decision he had made- to suddenly and inexplicably be so kissable- but once it began to happen the Doctor made no attempt to stop it.

He liked humans, and always had a natural curiosity about the human-y things they did. He liked to learn about them and their brilliant minds. He liked their adaptability and their inventions and their culture- and he saw kissing as simply an extension of that.

If a human kissed him, that meant they liked him. And while the Doctor didn't exactly understand the feeling that compelled them to do such a thing, he did enjoy the rush it gave him. It was nice, if not a little overwhelming at times, how freely humans expressed their affections- so the Doctor did his very best to reciprocate them as well.

It was strange, learning about such an intimate gesture from such abrupt experiences. Back home, kissing was an incredibly rare gesture. So rare, that the Doctor couldn't actually name a time he'd seen anyone do it. Usually the most intimate gesture of physical affection was hand holding or a forehead tap. Time Lords were physically linked, after all, so opening the gateway between minds was as intimate as any being could get. For two minds to become one was special in a way words couldn't do justice.

By his nature, the Doctor still preferred the gentle touch of hands to his face and another's forehead pressed to his rather than a rough kiss, but he was slowly learning. Slowly adapting the way humans did.

He was usually the one being kissed, in a quick 'thank you for saving my life' or 'we're probably going to die' kind of way, but he was working on learning how to respond. Human kisses were like a parallel branch of affection to the one he had grown up with. It was similar, a desire to be close, often with hands cupping his jaw, and the Doctor found it pleasant- and yet, despite his best efforts, it was never the same.

Human affection lacked the right flavor, and Gallifreyan affection was insufficient. Neither ever felt quite right.

At least- not until one night.

The Doctor had been out on the town, dropping ginger candies into his glass of water at a quiet, mostly empty bar, waiting hopelessly for them to dissolve. He was still staring at his untouched glass, patiently waiting for a drink that would take the edge off everything he was currently upset about, when a strange woman slid herself onto the stool next to him.

"Hello," she charmed him with a mysterious smile.

She ordered some elaborate drink and- like the Doctor- subsequently ignored her order.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" she said smoothly but with a clear scottish accent to her words.

The Doctor scanned her over. She was naturally gorgeous, but overdressed in a playful kind of way. She had thick, dark brown hair that was combed up in a perfect bun atop her head and wore dark swipes of purple eyeshadow as if it was stage makeup.

She was dressed up, in an almost Victorian style, in a coat that puffed out at the shoulders and a long skirt that fell to her ankles. There was an umbrella over her arm and thick, tall boots with a slight heel on her feet.

The Doctor wondered how she could possibly navigate Earth dressed up in all that.

The candies were mostly dissolved in the Doctor's drink by now, enough that they might give him a hint of the buzz he was searching for, but this stranger was far more captivating. Anyone in their right mind would ignore their drink for her.

"Have we met?" the Doctor asked as he narrowed his eyes slightly.

It felt like they must've, but at the same time there was simply no way. He wouldn't have forgotten someone like her so easily.

"Not yet," the beautiful woman gave a soft but confident smile and fixed a single strand of her otherwise flawless hair.

She looked away before the Doctor could properly catch her eye in a way that looked... sad. She perked up a moment later, as if the glimpse of something darker had never been there at all.

"Would you be so kind as to walk me home?" the intriguing woman requested gently. "I need to be getting back, but I'd rather not go alone at this time of night."

The Doctor found himself immediately agreeing. He'd rather be doing anything other than wallowing in this old restaurant alone.

"My pleasure!" the Doctor nodded.

The woman slid far more cash than her drink cost across the counter and stepped down from the tall bar stool with almost surprising elegance.

The Doctor left his own seat as well, and the woman took his arm with hers in a manner nearly as outdated as the way she dressed. The Doctor walked her to the door, but it was clear that this stranger was leading the way.

There was something about her that the Doctor simply couldn't put his finger on. As the Doctor held the heavy door open for her, and they stepped out into the bright moonlight of the clear autumn evening, the Doctor still couldn't pinpoint what it was.

He never got a perfect look at the stranger's eyes as she looked about the clear night. The silver moonlight and auburn street lights mixed on the still-damp pavement from a brief rain earlier in the day. It was a gorgeous night, and so was this stranger, and the Doctor couldn't figure out what was so different about her.

He didn't see humans the way most humans saw each other. Their physical beauty was nothing to the gorgeousness of a brilliant mind in the Doctor's eyes, and still, he could see an incredible amount of both in this woman. The way she moved felt... hauntingly familiar.

But she remained blocked off from him, never letting him get a direct view of her face. The Doctor wondered why, but it would be impolite to press.

They walked quietly, peacefully, down the street.

Their leisurely stroll was over far too soon as they reached an apartment complex and the lady stopped in front of it.

"I should thank you," she smiled warmly to him.

"It's nothing. I've enjoyed your company," the Doctor found himself saying.

He swayed a little awkwardly and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly as the strange woman let go of his arm. The Doctor found himself missing the familiar warmth of her grasp.

He looked off at the ground in the distance, trying to put words to what exactly it was. He wanted her to stay for some strange reason. He wanted to talk to her, to learn more about her and why her company calmed him in a way he hadn't known in ages.

She was brilliant. He could see it written all over her and could feel it in her unyielding confidence. He wanted to walk around the whole city with her and debate philosophy and morality and recall the myths the constellations above were named after with her. He couldn't say why, but he knew she would have a wonderfully interesting perspective.

Before he could say anything, he felt the familiar feeling of hands to either side of his face and lips pressed to his. He felt her warm palms press against his skin in a way he thought had died along with his home planet. He felt lips press to his in just the right way he enjoyed by humans. The Doctor felt a rush of both an old, recognizable mental connection and the new, foreign physical reaction- both fit perfectly together through the stranger's gentle touch.

This lady, whoever she was, sent the perfect mix through the Doctor's systems in a way he'd never felt before. There was something in the perfect position of her hands that brought out something old and unmistakable from his youth, and yet something new that gave him a thrill from the kiss itself.

Furthermore, she did something different from anyone who had kissed the Doctor before. She pressed her face to his, her forehead and lips both against him, their noses getting in the way and still fitting against each other in the most perfect way.

It felt right- in a way that neither other gallifreyans nor humans had ever felt right to the Doctor.

The Doctor's eyes were still closed as he gasped for breath when the lady finally allowed him up for air. She kept her forehead to his and her hands at the Doctor's face in a wonderfully comforting way. The Doctor found his hands around the lady's forearms in a failing attempt to keep himself steady.

The Doctor lost himself in the moment.

"Hello," the woman chuckled, her warm breath hot against the Doctor's lips in the cold night air.

The Doctor's eyes slowly opened to stare into hers. They were a gorgeous shining brown in the moonlight.

"Who are you?" the Doctor finally thought to ask. He was still baffled and breathless, but something deep in his hearts felt strangely content.

The lady smirked pridefully.

"And ruin the surprise? I don't think so," she teased.

She gave him another soft kiss.

It didn't last nearly as long as the Doctor would have liked it too, but he was more than happy to receive it all the same.

She pulled him down even lower to her level, gave him one last peck on his forehead, and then let her warm hands fall away from his cheeks.

The Doctor had a hundred things to say, a thousand things to ask, but he let her slip away from his reach once she was done.

"I'll see you again, won't I?" the Doctor asked as the strange woman stepped away.

She spun on her heel with a smirk and looked at the Doctor's blatantly lovestruck expression over her shoulder. He was still breathless with blissed out eyes, shimming in the low streetlight nearby.

"Yes, you will," the strange woman smiled. "And there will be plenty more kisses in your future, don't you worry."

The Doctor breathed a weak, awestruck breath.

"Kisses like that?" he asked, with an air of hopefulness he hadn't meant to display so obviously.

The stranger smirked knowingly.

"Not at first, but we get plenty of time to practice," she promised enticingly.

The Doctor didn't quite know what to say to that.

"O... Okay," he simply breathed.

"I'll be seeing you, love," the stranger promised as she strolled off.

After hesitating a second to drag himself back to the real world, the Doctor followed after her. He was baffled yet again as he turned the same corner the stranger had- only to stare down an empty street.

There wasn't a single soul in sight.

The Doctor lifted his hand to his cheek to protect his own, still-warm skin against the cold night's breeze.

The Doctor was slowly getting used to being kissed.

He was learning about it and adapting to it as humans did.

He still couldn't say he quite understood it- but after a kiss like that, he was starting to understand its appeal.

[moonasheschevalier]

As Sesskagu shipper I must say that it would be amazing if somehow Kagura reincarnated as human and became the mother of twins.

But that discourse over Rin's being a mother is just hilarious.

Stop harrassing people who ship adult Rin with Sesshoumaru.

First of all, do you people got any, at least a single manga frame/anime shot where Rin calls Sesshoumaru her dad? Or Sesshoumaru's calling Rin his daughter? Ofc not. Something like this never happened.

More important Sesshoumaru never was depicted as a pedophile, and I remind you all, that he also traveled with Kohaku too.

Stop calling Rin a kid. She was a kid, but she's human, she's growing up and getting older.

If the cd drama was about the proposal it didn't mean that Rin and Sess engaged right after.

You all consider Sesshoumaru behave like a grown up man, but he and Inuyasha mentally and visually were depicted like what, teens? Those two and other characters were growing up with the audience.

Don't forget that whatever happened in the manga happened in the Feudal Japan. Life at that time was a nightmare, and it was well depicted in the Inuyasha's manga/anime.

I shall remind you, that the age of marriage in Feudal Japan was way more under 15-16 yo, so if Sesshoumaru proposed by the time Rin was about that age, it would be considered as something normal? If Kagome would took Rin to our Era, than yeah, at this time and within the modern society probably it all could be different. But we're talking about the Feudal Japan Era. So stop.

I also remind you that Kagome, 15-16yo girl ended up with Inuyasha, 100yo+ halfdemon but nobody cared, nobody called that pedophilia.

Again, the life at that time in Feudal Japan was a nightmare. Imagine being an orphan who lived and died in the village where you were hated and bullied and then you were rescued and brought back to life 2 times by literally a god, a good spirit, kami, for who time is something that doesn't matter, but your life matters so much they literally are ready to sacrifice everything for you. Someone who is perfect, a hero in your eyes. Just look how every second Inuyasha's fangirl of teens age (and older) is thirsty for Sesshoumaru. So for the whole goddamn army of fangirls it is okay to fall in love with the fictional character but for another fictional character of the same age or at older age it is... a no-no?

Lmao!

As I said, neither Rin or Sesshoumaru ever called each other daugther or father, so stop with the "he was like a daaad to her" crap. Prove me with manga shots that I'm wrong. Until the official info comes out cut it out.

If people ship Sesshoumaru with adult Rin - it is okay.

She never was his daughter. Not by blood or by the bond.

He never was attracted to her romantically or sexually.

She never was attracted to him romantically or sexually.

Because she was a kid before. But.

She can't stay a kid FOREVER.

She grows up and she might develop some feelings for Sesshoumaru later. Can't blame her, he's probably one of the most handsome demons in Inuyasha. And I literally can't blame him for falling in love in the future with the girl who is like the sun??? I doubt that there might even be any other woman who can be closer to Sess, closer than/as close as Kagura or older Rin.

Stop saying that Sesshoumaru was buying Rin's love with gifts like pedophile do.

Rin's an orphan. She had no money, nothing. And Sesshoumaru was responcible for saving a human. Just imagine saving someone and leaving them to die cuz they are homeless/orphans/have no money. Remember he got her a kimono dress as a gift? Even now a real well made kimono's costs as the whole new car. I doubt tho that she would ever sell any gift from Sesshoumaru. But it's something that may help her if she's in trouble when he's not around.

Having one of the most powerful demons as your husband in Feudal Japan means a way better life. The life better than any human empress can have.

As long as it isn't Inuyasha's mom...

Stop saying that by that logic Sess might be a pedo in waiting. As I said, it was never confirmed or shown that he was sexually/romantically attracted to Rin when she was a kid. In cd drama he is talking to older Rin, which indicates that he probably developed feelings for her later. It also might be that she has some feelings too, tho it's not clear for who. Rin and Sessomaru don't live in our Era, they live in feudal Japan. Also, neither Kagome or Jaken are disgussed or unhappy in the cd drama when they hear Sesshoumaru, and Kagome called it a proposal after all. Kagome.

Finally, the time Rin and Sesshoumaru spend together. They probably spent a year together at max. All the time after that she spent with humans, Kagome, Miroku, Sango and the rest. Probably, Sesshoumaru and Rin spent even less time together, less than a year? Wow, that's soooooooo much time to develop father-daughter relationship... no, actually it's not. Way not enough time. By that time Kagome and Inuyasha, Miroku and Sango already are good parents figures for Rin??

Sesshoumaru becomes Rin's ward, guardian, but no dictionary will tell you that it means becoming a father.

A ward, a guardian, a knight in the shining armor.

I don't understand the other half of people here who whenever see male/female relationship call them father and daughter especially when it's never confirmed or their type of relationship is completely different???

Sure, you don't have to ship everything in a romantic way, but as long as whatever you say isn't confirmed officially by mangaka/studio can some people calm down and leave Sessrin shippers, those who ship Sess and adult Rin alone?

As also a Kakasaku shipper I already said this once:

These aren't the relationships about a pedophile and a child. Go, read Genji Monogatari, read how the Prince was a reason why beatiful woman dies and then the prince takes care of her daughter with the thoughts to raise her as his perfect future wife. Now that's gross, even the girl understood that - the authoress depicted too well how awfull the life of women was back at that time.

So, you if see people shipping adult and a kid - seems like those people got a problem.

But if you are against somebody shipping two adults - then it's you who's got a problem. Deserve an instant block.

P. S.

So yeah, whoever reblogs answer this with "imagine shipping/justifying that in 2k20" go do something better with your life, honestly. Scream whatever you want but shipping two adults means shipping two adults. If you still gonna rant how my point of view is ruining your daddy-dauther headcanons which by some strange logic some people consider as something official, canon material without any proof than idk... get help.

[rnegitsune]

Ok so I thought I'd put together some horror stories from my time as a babymetal fan bc of how drastic the shift in the fandom has been the past year or so. For context I got into babymetal in like june of 2014 (all 3 girls were still underage at the time, I was 22; when I first got into them I thought I would be considered an older fan lmao the naivete, the innocence of new fan me wow I know now I'm not at all in the older half of the fandom esp considering I was born the same decade as su and moa), and I made this blog in I think may of 2015.

I've had people say I should compile men being gross into a post and I just couldn't do that out of fear for my own mental health but this will be pretty close. These are all my experiences with this fandom over the years; I'm definitely missing some but what I do remember should do well to cover most of how this fandom used to be vs now. It's gonna be a lot and tw for men being gross about minors.

Back in my first year or so of this blog I on multiple occasions got dms from men asking to be friends. At the time my bio only said my name and my pronouns. I've always been cautious of dms so I'd ask their age and every single one was considerably older than me. I wouldn't usually answer after that bc no thanks but they would generally try to continue convos til I blocked. The only one I still had was this one

After I put my age in my bio, which was 23 at the time, I never got a dm like that again; take from that what you will. But if you're young please be wary of this hell fandom even now. And if you're an older fan and esp an older male fan reading this, don't dm people trying to be friends. I was over 18 and it still creeped me out to no end.

One of my real first men in this fandom are disgusting moments was a blog back in like 2015 or 2016 who I had some contact with due to common interests; he was a huge yui stan and made bm content. He was like 28 or 29 at the time and I eventually noticed he would tag idols, mostly kpop girls, by their body parts (legs, butt, etc) which is disgusting enough as it is but then I saw him do the same for literal minors, like tzuyu from twice. I messaged him asking what the hell he was doing objectifying women but also actual children and he blocked me lmao. He later unblocked me to let me know that's just how he tagged things and it was my fault he had anxiety and then he blocked me again.

Back before the tumblr purge this fandom was repulsive to a degree I cannot even begin to describe. Someone would reblog something from me, I'd go to their blog and it would be underage jpop idols and japanese p*rn all the way down. I even stumbled upon a man editing underage su into p*rn gifs. Obviously no proof of that but I did go find my initial reaction to it

The number of times I'd get a follow from someone then go to their blog and it would be as mentioned above or their bio would be the most misogynistic trash I'd ever read was staggering. I genuinely considered giving up and deleting this blog so many times bc i felt oberwhelmed and outnumbered by these gross old dudes; and so the fact that this fandom has evolved into a bunch of chaotic wlw?? Amazing, I could cry.

Fun phenomenon of women running bm blogs was men sending messages asking if we liked babymetal. No joke. I think this happened to me two or three times but I spoke w other female creators at the time and it had happened to them as well. My entire blog is babymetal, and yet???

He said the weird guy idk bc he sent some random ass messages vaguely insulting me and when I responded coldly, he acted confused so I said you're some guy idk, hence the above message starting as such. Also that pic and the one up above that has my current pfp bc I just took those screenshots. Like I said I typically blocked weird dms but I guess these passed me by so I still had the messages.

Most people know the sub reddit is the worst and don't need me to tell you but it's a hellscape and I highly recommend avoiding it. A short list of things I've had to see as a result of going there: men discussing at length kano and momoko's appearances and how they look in costume vs in normal clothes. Men discussing at length the hope that the girls would marry men who aren't Japanese, a thread that was from when all 3 girls were underage. They aren't gonna marry you dude they're really not.

The insulting of billie Eilish, a 17 year old at the time, was horrible too. Su and moa got to meet her, something they were extremely excited for, and they posted a pic; the comments were disgusting as you can imagine. The yui rumors were terrible too, fatshaming, slutshaming etc all based on nothing. Some man saying the rumors about yui leaving bc, no joke this was a real rumor, she "got too fat" couldn't be true bc "look at saya." Saya being a barely 18 yo back up dancer who covered the third spot after yui left but before the avengers. Not to mention the upskirt shots from when they were minors, the constant editing of their faces onto explicit photoshoots etc. I remember being a new fan looking for a su pic on google and being horrified at the fact that one of the top suggested results after her name was “bikini;” she was 16 at the time. Also, the uptick in massively creepy posts and messages sent to bm blogs as each girl, but esp moa and yui, approached 18 was disgusting.

Now for some personal nonsense. A big reason why I haven't touched my youtube channel in months is bc I got tired of dealing with the men of this fandom. I poke fun at metal and get told I deserve to die. I say ped*philes and creepy men are gross and get a swarm of middle aged men cursing at me. Had a guy cry about how men are shamed for liking bm and then he turned around and said some gross shit about wlw. Had a guy call me racist for liking a band he also likes (and despite him having no way of knowing my own race) and tell me the babymetal fandom doesn't need my kpop feminist bullshit, which is honestly a great description and I thought about putting it in my yt about lmao. Had a middle aged man unironically say he'd never seen a man be creepy towards bm but fans su and moa's ages calling them hot was creepy. The disillusionment....the level of unawareness is astounding. If you want to see screenshots of some of these comments they are fairly recent in my don't mind me tag; I don't want to see them anymore tho bc they're infuriating so I'm not going to look at them to post here.

Essentially I haven't looked at my channel since may bc men are exhausting and rude and refuse to examine the fandoms they're a part of no matter what. They're told by a woman of the fandom that she's had bad experiences personally and they all start crying about how it's either a lie bc they haven't seen it or unimportant. I did stop reading comments in may and I will never read another one again probably as a result of this shit. Trash men being trash are not worth my time and I refuse to give them anymore of it. I do plan on making more videos tho and let my ~feminist kpop bullshit~ live in their minds rent free.

I will also continue to make fun of metal and the creepy men in this fandom bc it's important and I'm a spiteful asshole who likes disrupting these dudes perfect bubble of a fandom. It genuinely brings me so much joy seeing all the new fans recently (which sidenote if you got into them recently I am kinda curious as to how you found them; I've gotten tons of new followers and considering how inactive they are rn I'm curious). People sending messages about how they finally feel like they belong or that they have a safe space....like I don't even know what to say and I never feel like my responses fully convey how genuinely wonderful that is and how thrilled I am that this is where we're at now and I have had at least some part in it. As this post shows, my experiences have been negative for the most part so the shift recently is such a relief I cannot even begin to explain my gratitude.

So to anyone who read all of this and hasn't disintegrated from the male bullshit, thank you. Keep being yourself and fighting for your place in this fandom, esp if you're a young woman; keep making fun of the creeps and keep making wlw memes!! Babymetal's music is in such a huge way meant for girls and to see more and more finding their way to this previously hellish beyond belief fandom is incredible.

[gay-jesus-probably]

Non-Ridiculous Cold Weather PSA

Because I’ve been seeing a lot of hysterical PSA posts about surviving the cold weather, and while watching americans be terrified about negative temperatures is deeply amusing to me, the polar vortex is still dangerous and some of the ‘advice’ going around has been useless, stupid, or just straight up wrong.

So. Some calm advice from your local canadian that’s actually helpful, because let’s be real here there’s a reason that all this panic has been aimed at American’s, and that’s because we’re already used to this shit so we’re not freaking out.

First, debunking the stupider advice I’ve seen:

You don’t have to sleep naked. That’s weird and unnecessary, but I’ve actually seen people advising that. You’re not going to freeze to death in your sleep because you sweat. Wear your damn pajamas. Wear socks and a hoodie to bed if you want. Pile on the blankets. You don’t need to take survival precautions overnight in a heated building, and even if you did, nudity wouldn’t do anything.

Don’t build an igloo. Why the fuck have I even been seeing that as a suggestion? If your home loses power for heating, first step is to pick a single room, and have everyone in the house cuddle up together under a mountain of blankets. Body heat, yo. And if you still feel there is a legitimate risk of freezing to death, leave the building AND GO SOMEWHERE WITH HEATING. If you try to build a fucking igloo to survive, you’ll waste your time and energy getting cold and wet fucking around in the snow, and if you manage to actually create a structure (which is unlikely), it’s probably going to fucking collapse on you when you try to use it, and then you’re freezing cold and soaking wet. And that’s if you don’t suffocate under the snow. Don’t build a fucking igloo. I don’t remember who was suggesting that, but I’m going to kick your ass.

Your dogs can still go outside. Obviously, not for long, and under supervision, but you don’t need to get a fucking kiddie pool full of grass for them to go in. Seriously? It’s not a hurricane. You're not in mortal peril the second you step outside. Your dog is covered in fur, it can handle going outside for a few minutes, doing its business, and then coming back in immediately. If you’re that worried, get a dog coat and put it on them, or cuddle your dog to warm it back up once you’re back in. If you have to go out along with your dog... well sucks to suck, but you can also put on a coat and handle a few minutes of cold.

And now the actual advice that you need, that I haven’t seen anyone getting.

Wear a hat. Cannot emphasis how important a warm hat is. Canadian’s aren’t wearing toques as a fashion statement (tho we do look good), it’s cause your head is a major heat loss, so you stay a lot warmer if you cover it up.

Anything wet will drain heat. If you have the choice between wet clothes and nothing, take nothing. Do not leave a heated building with wet/damp clothing. Do not leave a heated building with wet/damp hair. On that note, if you DO leave the house with wet hair, it will freeze, and it can break. That’s not a safety thing thats just a tip, don’t touch your hair if it freezes, just wait for it to thaw on its own unless you want an impromptu haircut.

Wool/fleece/any fuzzy thing isn’t always the best idea. If it’s dry? Perfect, excellent insulator, good warm winter gear. But it gets wet, which it easily does, you’re fucked. Mitts/gloves, coat, boots, and snowpants should all be waterproof. Everything else, there’s not really any point lmao. Non-waterproof gear is better than nothing, but be careful about getting snow on it.

There is no style to winter gear. There is no shame in wearing weird shit to stay warm. There is no such thing as too bundled up. Seriously, when it’s this cold, ideally you’re not exposing any part of your body to the outdoors. I live in the prairies, and regularly see people wearing ski goggles out and about during cold snaps. Myself included. Seriously, you don’t need to look good, you just need to be warm. I promise anybody looking at you is just wishing they’d thought of that. ...Just remember to remove all facial coverings the moment you enter a bank, or any kind of business establishment, because otherwise you will be giving the wrong impression about your reasons for being there.

Do not sleep in shoes/boots. Never do that. I don’t care how cold your feet are, put some socks on and suck it up. Sleeping in boots messes with your circulation, and makes it worse. Take em off.

Do not use alcohol to warm up. It will seemingly induce warmth, but it actually leaves you colder. ...That’s not a metaphor, that’s just a fact, it will feel like it’s warming you up, but it doesn’t actually help. Go for an actual warm drink or something.

Bring your cats inside. You shouldn’t have outdoor cats at all! Do you know how much shit can kill them out there? More than that, they’re an invasive species, they’re devastating the ecosystem. But they’ll freeze to death in the cold, so bring them in and (ideally) never let them out again, you’re an irresponsible pet owner.

On that note, stray cats often use cars for shelter in the cold. Before starting up your car, check the wheels, and then bang on the hood. I’ve seen warnings about checking the wheels already, but cats can also get under the hood, and will curl up there for warmth. If the car is turned on while a cat’s on the engine block... well, I think you can guess it’s not pretty. Smack the hood of your car before you get in; anything in there will wake up and bolt, or at least announce its presence. Either way, you don’t accidentally shred a cat. Apologies for that mental image.

If you’re homeless: I can’t give you any specific locations cause idk, check other posts for that, but seriously you do not want to be on the streets right now. Libraries are good, as are coffee shops/restaurants that are open 24/7. Libraries you can’t get kicked out of, but businesses... worth a shot, honestly. You might need to try and buy something, and honestly I would advise just straight up asking the employees if you can camp out there all night despite only buying one thing at the start, but strong odds says they’ll let you stay. Be honest and polite, apologize for the imposition, and you’re more likely to be left alone all night. The employees had to go through the cold to get to work, they know it’s miserable out. Or go to a shelter or warming station or something. Seriously. DO NOT SPEND THE NIGHT OUTSIDE.

If you have exhausted every single option and are stuck outside overnight. Do not sleep. Do not stop. It is going to be the most miserable night of your life, and you will be lucky to survive, but it’s not impossible. Keep walking. Doesn’t matter where you go, just that you are on your feet and moving. Movement creates body heat, and that is desperately needed. If you fall asleep, you will never wake up again. You’re probably going to be tempted to do it anyways, you will definitely cry, and it will literally feel like torture, but keep going. Survive. Nobody should ever have to endure an ordeal like this, but if there’s no other options, staying on your feet is the only way to survive. If you pull through the night, find a local library, and go in the second it opens; you’ll need to warm up and get some sleep, and a library can’t kick you out.

I know that last one sets something of a grim tone, but seriously, stay calm. You’re going to be fine. That’s the worst case scenario advice, and I hope to god nobody needs to use it. If you’re homeless, yes you should definitely be worried about this, and take every possible precaution to avoid being out on the streets overnight. If you’re not homeless... Seriously calm the fuck down, you’re okay. I know, for most of us it would literally be warmer in Antarctica, or on fucking Mars. But what else is new? Up north we’re surviving this shit every year. The only time frostbite isn’t on the table is May to August, and I mean really even then.

Anyways, stay calm, stay safe, and stay warm. Worst case scenario, you can always try singing the Canadian national anthem, it gives you an automatic resistance to cold. If nothing else, you’ll definitely come out of this understanding why Tim Hortons is such a Thing here. My condolences to all of you for having to endure this cold without any timmies. We’ll pour one out in your honour.

Oh yeah and if you start hearing things like gunshots, despite it being America it may not actually be gunshots this time; when it’s really cold sometimes trees explode. Liquid expands when it freezes, so if enough of a tree freezes... boom. Don’t approach until the trees stop exploding, tree shrapnel can fuck you up. Have fun!

[astrologysvt]

Chart First Impressions: Jun

For more SVT astrology posts, follow my blog! Check out my masterlist to see all the readings I’ve done so far and what I’ve got coming up! 💫

These are just the first impressions I had to all of their charts – the parts that popped out to me as being notable, things I personally liked, things I thought were interesting or contrary to the image I have of them. Things like that. I’m not looking at anything in particular with each reading. Some of their readings may be more aspect focused, where some may just focus solely on their personal planets. If you have any questions on specific aspects or want to request a more specific reading, feel free to send me an ask!

lmao i look at Jun’s chart and it’s a rollercoaster. 

at first I’m like oh god, that’s a lot to handle with a gemini sun and an aries moon. 

then I see the taurus mercury and mars and I’m even more confused.

then I see his taurus mercury and mars is in the 3rd (capricorn) decan and I’m conflicted on all fronts.  

he has a very, very young chart. 

all of his personal planets are from the first cycling of the elements in air, fire & earth. 

these signs have a very young, relentless, and stubborn energy to them.  

the first few signs of astrology are like the toddlers of the signs. They’re just learning how to walk, can’t speak, are screaming/crying all the time (obviously this is a gross over-exaggeration, but thats the gist). 

they go where their fancy takes them. 

gemini leads by curiosity, aries leads by passion, taurus leads by comfort. 

i think this is why Jun has such a young and innocent aura about him. 

his energies are very childlike in their curiosity, vitality, and love for just doing things for the sake of doing them.

he’s MAD stubborn. My GOD. 

primarily for his taurus placements, but also no help due in part to a headstrong gemini and one-track-mind aries.

totally immovable, this guy. once he’s got his mind set on something it’s over. 

taurus influence gives him that dedication and strength of will to stick with what the says, and then you got those gemini/aquarian influences giving him the mental tools to argue his way through anything. 

tho taurus influences aren’t always stubborn out of principle, sometimes they just don’t like change and will stubbornly stick to what they know because that’s what they’re comfortable with.

but all of that persistent aries energy mixed with all that fixed taurus and aquarian energy (gemini venus in 3rd decan w/ uranus trine mercury & mars gives him that added aqua) -- his biggest pet peeve is more than likely people trying to control what he does based off a sense of “what would other people think.”

this may not be a good example of this particularly, but i think it’s a good example generally of his personality and i’ll explain this more once i get there. 

think of that time Jeonghan told him to stop stomping on the floors because it’d bother their neighbors.

he directly disobeyed him and continued doing it, and honestly probably because it wasn’t THAT big a deal and it frustrated him that it was being pointed out. 

this is that restless energy wrapped up in all of that individualistic aquarian that hates, symbolically, this whole concept of “don’t do that, what would they think?”

his playful and restless energies wanted to make a joke of it and he probably stopped EVENTUALLY after he made his point. 

not to mention he was probably even more frustrated BECAUSE he gets so restless. 

gemini sun and an aries moon means his mind works so fast and his aries moon is literally bursting with energy. 

he get’s incredibly antsy if he’s not allowed to put his energy out there which is probs why he got annoyed he was being told to stop and why he probably found something else to do immediately after.

you can spot a gemini when they walk in a room because they’re eyes are darting everywhere or they’re using some kind of tick like tapping their toes or playing with something in their hands. 

and then aries influences are easy to spot because they touch literally EVERYTHING. they just randomly start doing things without any kind of hesitation. 

aries is the sign where you see them start to do something and you think to yourself, “surely they wont actually do that” and before you know it they’ve done it. 

think to the mbti hidden camera vid. he walked into the room AND IMMEDIATELY TOUCHED THE FIRST MANNEQUIN and before he thinks too hard about whether or not it’s a a real human he moves to the NEXT ONE AND GRABS HIS FACE. 

and the pd literally just has to be like “sit down” and he’s sitting down and acting like nothing happened.

he’s just a hyper guy and i think he comes off “childish” because he has these wonderfully lively and enthusiastic energies.

not only that, but there really is nothing in his chart blocking them from being released because his personal planets are so young and have no hard aspects. 

he’s super playful and sees no reason to apologize for that.

he will bond with people based off of sense of humor, a love for the light things, and an ability to connect on an intellectual level through these things.

with these placements, i imagine he makes the kind of friendships where you don’t realize he’s as close to his friends as he makes it seem until something is wrong or they seriously need him. 

then he’ll show up ten fold. 

he connects with others in such a seamless and playful way thanks to those air energies, but his taurus placements are so deeply committed, reliable, and emotionally competent that he’s far more present and committed than you’d imagine. 

he contributes so much more than just being that fun, light company. 

he’s a true and sincere friend.

it’s very interesting because a gemini sun and aries moon would come across to me as very short tempered, super impatient. 

but a taurus mars and mercury are inherently incredibly patient, stubborn, and enduring people. they’ll be the last people to give up on a relationship.

so you may see a weird mix of the two. he may be super patient when necessary, and then totally hot-headed a moment later about the most ridiculous thing.

but lets talk about those capricorn decans. 

having his taurus mercury and mars in capricorn decan kind of wraps all of these very fixed, stubborn taurus energies into a very disciplined & logical package. 

where a taurus may fall victim to sloth or melancholy, his capricorn energies swoop in and tell him to get off his butt. 

it can also explain why, while having such flighty and impulsive placements, he is still an incredibly hard worker (obviously there can be other influences as well such as houses but we can’t get into that cuz we don’t have his birth time). 

he will never take life too seriously, but will readily and gladly invite new and intriguing interests and hobbies as they come and will pursue them with passion until he is satisfied. 

both due to his aquarian influence desiring new experiences, his gemini influence that loves having his attention grabbed and held onto, but also due to his Capricorn influence that has a strong desire for completion and accomplishment.

his uranus and neptune are very well aspected to mercury and mars. 

this makes him very open-minded and furthers his curiosity which can add to that youthful feel. 

the aquarius influence makes him a very individual thinker -- not overly concerned with conforming to norms and more concerned with being authentic and intellectually challenged.

the neptunian vibes also add to this desire for eccentricity and individuality with a great appreciation towards the more creative ways these may be expressed. 

giving neptune such a clear and easy path for expression in mars also means he is very emotionally intuitive and feeling, although he may not be very aware of this as it flies under the radar of his immediate consciousness. he may downplay it if ever brought up. 

his gemini venus being in the 3rd decan gives an even stronger aquarian influence -- making him very attracted to challenging, unconventional things and people. 

solely based off his chart, every single aspect of his will give off an incredibly strong first impression. 

he has the kind of energy you’d feel immediately. 

literally the moment he walks in you can feel his mind buzz.

for more water or earth dom people this can make you feel stressed or uneasy. 

air and fire signs are used to it and often times thrive with this energy. 

either way you’re bound to have an opinion of him, good or bad, but over time you’d eventually come to realize how deep thinking, inherently unique, and interesting he his.

if he’s your speed you’ll learn to appreciate his oddities. 

you’ll find his flighty interests & passions, out-there humor, and overall sincerity incredibly endearing. 

especially if you’re one to be drawn to those who aren’t overly inhibited by fear of ridicule. 

you’ll think he’s a breath of fresh air. 

[justmikerrss]

to all the boys that will *never* love me:

Dear christian, stephen, mikio, oscar, royce, pat, manny, derrick, mars, gill, rex, max, kevin, and nick -- whether y’all were a crush or someone i saw myself being in a relationship with get ready bc i’m going IN. I’m gonna use this time to rank these catastrophes from level 1 to level 5. level 1 being a crush yenno not so bad or scarring, and level 5 being sad machine playing while the world is burning to pieces like bish you left a MARK on my heart. if you know me i think you know who that person is hahaha

*alexa, please play truth hurts by lizzo*

christian - level 1. lol let’s take a trip down memory lane to my first crush ever!! my gosh i remember being so kilig over this boy in elementary school at st. leander lol it was so obvious. hahaha. your spikey hair and like goofy ass smile i don’t know i was such a sucker for that. the first filipino boy i ever crushed on waow <3 but then I left st. leander and never spoke to you again. you went to o’dowd, i went to sjnd and that was it really. you went to sfsu i went to usf. idk how we ever found each other on insta, but it is so cute to see posts of you and jasmine haha a USF don as well!! the last “convo” (i wouldn’t even call it that) was when i commented on your graduation post and you commented back thanking me and saying congrats too. so happy that your trillest brand is killing it and you know nothing about me anymore but what a great time it was to know you were my first crush ever lol. thanks for this <3

stephen - level 1. lol i left st. leander and moved to sjes and was like ok, who am i gonna crush on now?? hello stephen, my first white boi lol. i knew fosho that you thought i was weird in elementary school like there is a particular time where in church i sat next to you and during the our father you did not want to hold my hand LMAO and that’s when i knew. i stood from afar. touched your thumb for heads up 7 up HAHAHA gosh you were so out of my league and such an asshole tbh. you and nick, forever making fun of me for liking mikio lmfao hate y’all forever. you went to lmu and that was history. lmao you were so mean to me. but all well. you were like not a good person i think i just liked you because of your looks? lol hahaha

mikio - level 2.5. oh my god the epitome of my boy problems in high school lmfao fuck you. jk. but high school mika wouldn’t take that back. oh myyyyy what a FLIRT were you. i had so many fantasies thinking we’d be together, we’d be m&m HAHAH BARF wow, and then you dated mel and it was just like??? then you were my escort but then i was like nope and switched you with ryann LOL suuuuper crazy like I don’t really remember the details of everything but i knew in high school being so kawawa over not being noticed by you. but then you went to davis, slo, and now in sl?? idk where you are now but you had my heart back then (barf) but that was such a long time ago that honestly it doesn’t phase me anymore!! a feeling high school mika wouldn’t have thought was possible. so thank you. i liked you because you gave me little glimmers of hope of like maybe we could be together -- you were nice, flirtatious, close to your family... not afraid to make a fool of yourself for the one you’re interested in. which wasn’t me but again that’s okay! I wrote a letter to you didn’t i? idk what i was doing why was i so dramatic tbh. you did things that honestly weren’t in my control so i can’t hate you really. again realizing that you fit my type so it just, idk

oscar -- level 1. when mikio was being a butt i knew i could crush on you. LOL the hugs, the convos, being able to laugh at anything when you were in the room what a time SJND was when you were there. now you’re in boston with your boo and i’m still really regretful over not being able to see you when i was in boston last year but it’s okay. happy that you’re happy out there :-)

royce and pat -- level 1.5. ah. USF college times man. these two were literally a duo. RA’s of the 4th floor (share yall are silly for assigning that haha) and damn, what a trip it was to crush on you. royce you were a dj so thats how i knew my thing for dj’s came. you both did your jobs at ra’s, pat you were on eboard so i saw your hustle there which i super appreciated. and this is also how i knew filipinos were my type? lol. EVEN THO YALL WERE LIKE WITH BOOS lol i am cursed but yall had hustle, swagger, passion for what you love, and still made time for partying it up and studying. and now i see royce at parties sometimes n i would awk hug him (rip at the phoenix hotel party) and i havent seen pat since he graduated but hes so happy with becca!! so cute. and its cute (and weird) how kierst is happy with royce.

****DJ SPARKY/AGANA/YURI -- level 1. yall are dj’s who i will always cringe at bc of how naive i was at shooting my shot... BUT IM GLAD YOU ALL ARE THRIVING OK LETS DISMISS THOSE BOIZ NOW 

manny -- level 2.5. ahhhhh manny manny manny. my first trip towards using dating apps and matching with someone on TINDER!!! LOL!!!! ok anywho i met up with you for a few times and it was just like... a lot of question marks bc i didn’t really know where my standards were when it came to online dating. we went on dates? but the first time i paid, and the second time you “forgot your card” so i paid again?? and then you walked me to my dorm and kissed me on the forehead?? red alert!! then you kept wanting like a second chance, to prove me wrong and i kept ignoring you bc wtf lmao... then i was foolish to let you into my life again and realized that was a mistake and blocked you again. and now you’re like a bonafide dj living your edm dreams. i saw you at audio TWICE omg rip. i liked you because lol ur filipino, a dj, buttered me up a whole ton which again problematic bc i didn’t see any of it within myself... but its okay mika is better now. better to not be talking to you. but thank you for being my stepping stone into dating apps.

derrick -- level 1. omg at times i forget about you! which i don’t know is a good or bad thing but i don’t think i ever told anyone about you lol. we met on okc, this filipino boi (lol a trend) andddd i went on like two dates with him? one, i met up with him at that one coffee spot near golden gate park. then we walked over to ggp and we just talked and thinking about it now it was very ideal for me to be myself fully, in public if that makes sense. you were so nice and genuine omg. we went to sweet maple the second time around and you paid for the food which was like wow!! diff than manny!! and i remember talking to you about kh and you loving it as much as me. but i got scared because you were like 26 or somn? i was still 20 i think and i was like this dude might be asking a lot out of me...so i told him the “this is on me i don’t feel ready and not sure how i feel” spiel. and that was history. i honestly don’t know what he is doing now but he was really nice. i felt no malicious intentions from me, i just wasn’t ready to move forward w him. the first nice guy i ever let down bruh. ugh.i hope you’re doing well now though.  

mars -- LEVEL 5. fuck me i hate this chapter SO MUCH lmao. so many drunk cries and just cries in general post this whole... like chapter. but lets start off with why i liked you: handsome as hell, close to your family, athletic, hustled, SO MF KIND EVEN WHEN I WAS BEING CRAZY, a great homie and bf quality, gave me the false hope of like “yeah ill see if i can come through” “ill let you know when i listen to this” the forever ILL LET YOU KNOWS but still views my stories and still doesn’t let me know mentality.... you never initiated any of our convos. i was STRAIGHT pursuing you even though i didn’t believe that you’d change your mind about just seeing me as a friend. you made that clear to me from the start but i didn’t take that as an answer LOL which is why i was so crazy to keep hanging out with you... even tho you were super busy and i felt like a burden you STILL made time with me, whether that was peruvian food, or thursday nightlife followed by dancing at a bar together (which i ruined when you took me home and asked you about your love language lmao), souvla, and then our final time of seeing each other: san tung and tpumps. what a fucking few months that was...only to come out of it with another girlfriend with the same name as me. LIKE WHAT. ARE. THE. ODDS. i still can’t believe it till this day. my gosh you were so nice to me mars. such a great homie. and i wasnt empathetic or smart enough to make diff decisions to retain what we had...but im happy that you’re happy with mika. other mika. yeah. man i never felt so in the dark when going through this time, this was so rough. i wasn’t eating, i’d cry in bed for days, it was so bad. i’d like to say that I’m healed from that though. lol to burning the shirt which honestly i should have kept bc it was a cute shirt.. but yeah. thank you.

gill -- level 1. lol you were dumb to think i was attractive enough to dance with at the soulection event. we exchange numbers and i think because i told you i was 21, you backed off. lol guess i was a fetus then. still am. lmao. we text for a bit but then i find out you tried to get into arcilla’s pants?? lMAO. oh and then i see you at that pool party, saw you talking to other girls and i broke DOWN bc i was crossed as hell LOL sorry ate kayla that you had to take me home that day LOL ugh i hate myself for that night. and then i see you right in front of me at OSL. in 2019?? for childish?? that was such weird weird fate. thank god you didn’t recognize me (i had long black hair there, you remembered me with short brown hair plus it was dark). i just thought it was crazy. uhm you had the fuckboy vibe and look on point.. knew everything about soulection. family oriented. but it just fizzled bc i blocked you and then just stopped talking to you lol.

*****chris l/frankie -- level 1. again i cringe at how dramatic i pursued yall sorta as crushes but for sure bc yall were soulcycle and about fitness YES bodies 10/10 and you understood soul. but omg chris pls get ur life together (which is what it seems like ur doing??) and frankie well you’ve been having your life together being married and all so0o0o0 im trash for crushing lmao BUT IM GLAD THATS ALL IN THE PAST AND THAT WE’VE FORGOTTEN i think lmao

rex -- level 0.5. lmfao you were dumb you’re gonna keep looking at me and emily only for me to make the move in letting you know i was interested, follow you on ig, and then you block me?? weirdo. bye.

MY HINGE BOYS </3 

Max -- level 3. oh maximus lmao. we talked for a whole month and what a pleasure it was to text you every day, receive and send memes, curate playlists, be w/ each other at different events... only for it to end after we netflix party/facetime where i don’t feel the kilig i’d feel when texting you. so i told you i wanted to be friends. and then i try to still reach out and be friends, but i got delayed responses to no responses. and now you just, look at my stories? lmao i know it don’t mean shit to look and you recently liked my post, but i feel like i invested a lot into our quarantine reality. you had GREAT music taste (even tho ur playlist was a lil questionable), for all i know you were just telling me things to like get you on my good side, motivated, privileged......... yeah. i hope you find your 5′0 qt rave queen that can go to events with u

KEVIN -- level 1. lmfao honestly you SUCK hahaha even with the benefit of the doubt, it does not take 10 hours to reply...even if you are busy at work NICK AND MAX WERE ABLE TO!!! you were spotty to begin with but then we netflix party and then you dont talk to me anymore after i ask if we could exchange music playlists? i didnt even ask u to be my boyfriend its a fucking playlist.... we talked about music so much. ugh BOYS ARE SO DUMB LIKE SERIOUSLY. hope amazon treats ya right

NICK -- level 4. ugh. ughguhgughgh. i liked you because your profile/resume was all my criteria: music taste A1 bc of bryson, i hated mint chip, i loved spongebob (even tho you NEVER sent me spongebob memes fuck u), you were hapa (he he but fuck u) (i laugh while typing this i am so dum), uhm. yeah. we talked everyday consistently for two weeks. you were such a joy to text bc you were funny (i was funny too), even tho it was hard to keep the convo going w you at times in the beginning because you never inquired about me at times. max did. its like you were better than mars, but not like A+ in replying like max was. you never really flirted with me? lmao i mean even those attempts of me tryna bait you, i always got... friend vibes. benefit of the doubt maybe you just didn’t know how to flirt but you had posts of your past relationship up on your feed so you cant tell me that that exp did not have you pursue a girl and flirt her up. to me, there was no initiative from you. i was chasing you for sure. this dating life is a two way street -- life doesn’t work where one pursues you only otherwise like no. bet if i went the fuckboi approach, gave you lame responds would you have kept the convo going? prolly not bc ur a cancer and want to feel needed. the only thing ill commend you on is when you’d apologize for delays in text messages but then you kinda stopped that. like understand i should also feel like i should be pursued and never did i feel that i felt like you just responded just to respond... like you’re a cancer its in your nature to dive deep and ask deep questions but you never did, you were the type to play video games with your pals LMAO and like/????/? me understanding gamer life i was like YES this boy gets me but like CMON. lol so many things. ok maybe i am reading too into this but this is the freshest heartache :/ you never like told me i was cute or anything like... max made remarks about my looks and you never did. i mean cool maybe you were just vibing off my energy but i just now question if you were actually interested in me? bc i was trying so hard to make you like me. every meme, was a move. you didnt play your cards right!! its like i kept hitting you with plus fours, and then all you’d put down is the same color number card. where was the fun in that? it was super effortless but anxiety filling for me at the same time bc i was convinced that you were the one. :’/ super good news to hear that you wanted to meet virtually literally NO EXPECTATIONS but then monday rolls around, you dont text me the whole day, i check in at 530, you tell me you go to costco instead and want to reschedule bc you thought i was ghosting you????? wtf did u just like expect me to just call u right at 7 and expect u to be ready?? max texted me after work and was like “we still on right?” so i was high key expecting that from you bc 1. show interest and 2. take initiative but you DIDN’T!! so i was honest in telling you how i felt but kept it light and asked to reschedule. you take forever to reply, but when you do you tell me it was silly OF ME to think you were supposed to confirm it which i get i initiated it i shoulda texted you earlier (but what if i had the worst day ever and couldn’t text you??? would you have just let it be and not text me anymore bc you assumed i ghosted you???) you also said that you thought maybe it was too quick to assume that i ghosted you which is YES tru. however i was not going to apologize for not texting you earlier and waiting for you to reply bc boy, that was on you to make a move to double check. if i was in your shoes i woulda texted. that would indicate to me that oh wow this boy is making sure we are meeting and confirming! even drop a hey hows your day you excited for tonight? i made it obvious to hype you up on your photos and everything, you just were like wow your photos are so good! wow i hope you posted that picture! like idk. i kept it light bc i still really wanted to meet you, and just wanted to attribute this small ass thing as a misunderstanding between the two of us but after long hours of making me wait, you decide you don’t want to reschedule because you were unsure of how you were feeling and that you couldn't put your all in and said sorry. no sentiment towards wanting to be friends just a straight goodbye which basically meant, in harsher terms im prolly not as down as you are for me and maybe i am nervous to meet u (idk ill never know if you were) anddd im not interested anymore bc you’re crazy and ME being the womyn that i am ended up being the mature one and said the goodbye hope you have a good life without me text and then our lovestory ended lololol what a great two weeks am i right? honestly maybe you still need to do some growing buddy but relationships are not easy going they are a two way street but also ill never know maybe you were just texting me just to text me and you still wanted to be the nice guy bc you were scared of how invested things would be post call so you call it off and it was just in the moment for you to be down but then have it change on another day.... i woke up in a better headpsace today about how this turned out but like god fucking dammit i had high hopes for you you infj CANCER. *squidward voice* so thanks. thanks for NOTHING (this is when you start your spongebob dialogue of all how to get everyone on board for practicing for the bubble bowl and sing sweet victory)

so, the end LOL basically. to all the boys who will never love me, ultimately thank you for being a part of my life. thank you srsly. thank you for making me exp the pain, the kilig, the uh everything. growing pains these are, but at the end of the day, i hope you have a good life. whether or not we cross paths again this gives me clarity as to what i’m looking for and what i deserve. this goalgetting, resilient, funny, hardworking, awkward but in the best way pinay is a force to be reckoned with!!! she has the best support system out there!!! she has so much to live for because she is determined to not let down anyone counting on her!!!! so fuck u for missing out on that!!!

k. my ideal man list is coming soon. until then... see ya later.

xoxo,

Mika (allison to some)

[exyjunkies]

pls continue the did andreil fic :)

that smiley tho… are y’all mad at me lmao anyway SINCE I’M FEELING IT TODAY!!! here’s part four. a long-ish entry yay

a/n: i’m not going to continue this on the blog anytime soon, but hopefully i’ll do a complete rewrite (with the parts already up on tumblr worked into it) and upload a beast of a fic on my ao3 hehe just tell me if you guys would like that!

i’m also about to hit 1.3k followers on this blog so thank you thank you thank you all so much for sticking around, i love you guys!

part one | part two | part three 

Neil hated coming back to himself.

Or that’s what Andrew seemed to see, judging from his view outside the hospital room. That’s all he saw, anyway, before the doctors had to block his way and send him away.

Ever since Natha/Neil got to the hospital, the doctors have had a hard enough time keeping Andrew out of the room whenever there was an episode, and Andrew has had a hard enough time trying to explain himself along with the fact that he was their best shot at keeping Natha/Neil down. Well, as well-behaved as he could manage himself to be. 

Instead, Andrew made himself comfortable a floor below, beside the vending machine. He’s mastered the art of ignoring the innocents that went up to the machine and purchased consumables enough for their visit. Undoubtedly, they’ve all heard of Neil’s case - famous Exy player plus identity crisis plus teammate with anger issues for a boyfriend? Who wouldn’t be intrigued?

Long gone were the days that a bunch of homophobic assholes was Andrew’s biggest problem. He now had to deal with the judgement that came from hospital regulars, families who knew of the Foxes and didn’t equate them to sickly or dying or damaged. 

For all they knew, Andrew supposed he couldn’t expect some shitheads to ever understand, so he just kept it in. Besides, it wasn’t as if he was having an easier time to deal with the situation.

A book landed with a thud on a seat two seats away from Andrew. A Place of Greater Safety, the hardcover book shouted at Andrew. Kevin sat down on Andrew’s left, setting his coffee on top of his book and handing Andrew his.

“Did they say anything?” Andrew grumbled, not looking up from his Rubiks cube. He twisted the sides around, the algorithm making the insides of his head whir. The 3x3 toy was one of the few things that helped keep him at bay. His eidetic memory was both a blessing and a curse - he remembered the day Neil got it for him, as if it were just yesterday. 

Here, Andrew, catch. The plastic cube had just barely reached Andrew’s hands. Neil had stifled a laugh at Andrew’s blinks.

What is this, Josten? He replied, sitting up and turning it around. It’s not as if he hasn’t seen the damned contraption before - just that it never occurred to him that it would be this complicated. The unmatched sides and edges seemed to be mocking him. The cube had been shuffled. The bright colors made Andrew’s head pound. A lot, Andrew had noted, like Neil did.

Something a lot less complicated than the both of us are. Thought you’d like it.

This is lame, Andrew had answered back, annoyance apparent in his tone. 

A few hours later, he was busy frowning at Neil’s smirk — the cube solved and on the bed. Mentally, he had registered 764% as he left the room and slammed the door shut.

“Doctors are keeping their mouth shut,” Kevin replied, sipping from his coffee cup and making a grimace. “Something about security purposes. Damn. Just because Neil’s a Fox—”

Andrew moved the top layer on his cube with his pinky. “Wasting my time is not enjoyable, Day.” 

Wrinkling his nose, Kevin reached for his coffee and book. “I’m not happy either, don’t worry.” He grabbed his book and replaced it with his coffee, leaning forward as he began to read. 

The second layer on Andrew’s cube was close to being solved. Up. Right. Up again. Back down. Middle layer back right.

Briefly, he registered the television above them, a weather program on the screen.

“We’re seeing some rainy skies today, folks,” the weatherman said. Behind him was a chart explaining the temperatures for today and the next few days. A map of America was shaded in different colors. 

A man in a white doctors’ coat appeared around their corner and seemed to be looking for someone.

“Is an Andrew Minyard here?” The doctor inquired, clipboard in hand and a stethoscope around his neck.

Andrew looked up and put two fingers up, and beside him, Kevin put down his book.

“We’re sorry we kept you waiting,” the doctor continued, a concerned look on his face. “I know we called you over here because Mr. Josten was in pain, and Mr. Minyard’s name was mentioned one too many times, but when a patient is in his critical stages, we don’t want anyone suffering the consequences. Hence, we do our best to control the situation as best as we could before moving forward.

“Now, as you’re both probably aware,” at this, the doctor looked at a paper on his clipboard, “Mr. Josten has dissociative identity disorder, so he might not remember calling out for you, or, quite possibly, who you are at all. I just wanted to give you both a heads up before coming in. Do you have any other concerns?”

Andrew merely stared back at the doctor. He put his Rubiks cube in Kevin’s messenger bag. Kevin put a hand on his arm and replied, “No. We’re alright.”

“I see. This way, please.”

They both stood up, and made their way to Neil’s room. 

“Do you, um,” Kevin started, then paused to reconsider his words. They passed by an old woman in a wheelchair, being wheeled by a nurse. “Would you know who he is today?”

The doctor held his clipboard to his chest. They ascended the stairs of the hospital, the cool air conditioning evident on the railings.

“As Mr. Minyard was mentioned, I’d like to guess he’s Neil today,” the doctor replied. They went up to Natha/Neil’s hospital room, and Andrew stilled, his entire body rigid.

“If you guys have any questions or problems, just page. There are buttons by his bed.” And just like that, the doctor was gone.

The both of them stayed outside for long enough that Andrew started to wonder if they were ever going to muster the courage to go in. If it was ever going to be worth seeing Neil again. His last encounter with Nathaniel still burned in the back of his mind.

A light tap on his shoulder shook him out of it. “I’m going in,” Kevin murmured. “If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”

And then with the open and close of the door, Andrew was alone.

Peering at Kevin through the window, Andrew checked if there were any unusual reactions, if the person on the hospital bed would recognize Kevin. If the person on the hospital bed would even matter.

He remembered how things were back when he wanted nothing. He had made that so evident in everything that he did, in all that he said, in all his attitudes.

Inside the room, Andrew saw Kevin’s arm grip the side of the bed, and a hand on his arm. Kevin was shaking, his head bowed down.

Was he crying? Andrew didn’t know what to make of that. Kevin Day, in all the years they’ve known each other, had never once cried. Or at least, he never showed it.

Something still tugged at Andrew’s heart. As hard as he tried to not feel anything, to not get angry at the world because it was directionless, useless, and it would not change anything, he really can’t help it. Exhaling, he put his hand on the door handle, and opened the door.

The beeping machine was the first thing he heard. The second was the unmistakable yelling of a crowd on the overhead television. Andrew walked in, and looked up.

It was an Exy game. The Bluebadge Bears v.s.the Eastside Warriors.

“The Warriors have always been one of those teams with potential,” Neil was saying to Kevin, a sparkle in his eyes that Andrew hadn’t seen for so long. Fuck. He hadn’t seen those eyes in particular in so goddamn long.

Neil stopped speaking when he saw Andrew, and sat up a little straighter instead. Andrew felt so much tension around his body. He was unsure if that was a good thing or not.

Between the both of them, Kevin quickly brought a hand up to his eyes, and said hurriedly, “I’ll go get some sandwiches from the cafeteria.”

Then, to Neil, he said, “I’m glad you’re still an Exy addict. Wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t.”

Neil smiled, and waved as Kevin exited the room.

As the door closed, Andrew went up to Neil, and gripped the edge of the bed with one of his hands. 

“I didn’t think you’d visit,” Neil muttered, gripping Andrew’s arm through his hoodie. Andrew hated that he still had the capacity to mind Andrew’s personal space, even though he was fucking hospitalized.

“I didn’t think Day would cry, but I guess we’re wrong on both counts,” Andrew replied, putting his other hand up to Neil’s cheek, to his jaw.

He felt Neil’s laughter through the side of his throat. “Heh. Yeah. What a drama queen.”

And the both of them stayed there, just like that, staring into each other’s eyes.

Neil had gotten a little thinner, a little paler, but he was still the same annoying man Andrew had gotten to know. Andrew’s eyes followed all the wires attached to Neil, trailed across the restraint marks on his arms.

When Neil saw where Andrew had been looking, he put a hand to his opposite arm. “I woke up from some nightmare, some… some thing that my stupid mind cooked up. I don’t remember much of it. Apparently I went wild and needed to be sedated. It’s been one or two days since that episode, though.”

Andrew knew the episode only happened six or seven hours ago. “It’s over now.”

Neil nodded. “Yeah. Kiss me?”

Leaning forward, Andrew kept staring into Neil’s eyes. He briefly heard the drone of the Exy game above them, the beeping of the machines, the flat sound of the room’s air-conditioning. 

“Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

And then Andrew kissed him, starting out light, mostly out of consideration for the fact that Neil was hospitalized. A simple peck, to satisfy Neil’s primary request. Later on, if he was asked to explain, he would say it only deepened because Neil pulled him in, held him still with a hand on the back of his neck, and opened his mouth enough to draw more of Andrew in.

And then in the heat of the moment, Andrew was suddenly straddling Neil, who sat up straighter to meet Andrew’s eyes.

“You know, Kevin’s not going to be back for an hour or two, at most,” Neil said, waggling his eyebrows and sensually running his hands up and down Andrew’s arms.

Andrew practically growled. “Junkie. This was supposed to be a quick hospital visit.”

“So what. We have time.” Neil rubbed his crotch up against Andrew, who groaned because damn, these hospital gowns aren’t subtle. Neil was already half-hard at this point, and with enough time, they would both be fully hard.

“Mmm. Fine. But only you.”

And then they were kissing again, with Neil’s hands on Andrew’s thighs and Andrew’s hands holding Neil’s face up. Andrew was thrusting, his thigh going up and down Neil’s erection. Pre-come already stained his hospital gown. He lowered Neil back towards the bed and went down his neck, biting and licking at the spot where he knew Neil liked it most.

“Ugh. Andrew, don’t stop,” Neil gasped into his ear, and Andrew bit his neck, eliciting a loud moan.

Neil hadn’t been under him like this for such a long time that Andrew’s mind almost short-circuited. He pulled up Neil’s hospital gown and took him in his hand, making Neil’s breath hitch.

Stroking Neil slowly, Andrew growled into his ear, “I missed this. You.”

Neil groaned and met his every stroke with an upwards thrust. It was slow, and hard, and evident that they both wanted this to last.

”Andrew, you do not know how much,” Neil got out, in between heavy breaths, “How much. God. I have thought of you. Of you— ugfh. Doing this to me.”

Andrew was going to have to jack off later after hearing that. ”Mmm. Neil—”

”Fuck, yes.”

As Andrew quickened the pace a bit, Neil leaned up to suck on Andrew’s neck. Andrew grunted - this was even better than he remembered.

”Where— fuuuck. Where can I touch you?”

It felt really good, good enough that Andrew didn’t have time to think. He looked down at Neil’s dick in his hand, hard and slick. 

”Ugh— anywhere. For now.” Neil responded by reaching down and palming Andrew through his crotch, which made Andrew grit his teeth. The pleasure was so overwhelming.

They spent the next half hour like that: Andrew jacking Neil off, and Neil with his mouth on Andrew’s neck and his hand down Andrew’s jeans. It was full of panting and groaning and the bed was creaking, but there seemed to be no concern coming from either of them if they would break it. He heard the loud slip and slide of his hand against Neil’s dick.

Andrew ran his thumb across Neil’s slit, and Neil groaned into Andrew’s neck. “Yes, fuckfuckfuck.” He thrust up faster, and Andrew, breathing hard, matched his pace.

”I’m close, fuck, yes, yes, yes—“

”Come on, Neil. Come on.”

”Andrew.” It almost sounded like a prayer. 

With a deep moan, Neil came, his mouth open, his cum spilling all over his gown and Andrew’s clothes. Andrew kept going until he was done. Then, with a swift motion, he sat back, pulled down his fly, and grabbed his dick. He was close to coming himself.

”Hey,” Neil panted, holding onto Andrew’s wrist. “Let me?”

Andrew nodded. “Yes.”

Then Neil’s hand wrapped around his dick, and Neil was kissing him, and stroking him, and there was so much of Neil everywhere. It felt so good. It only took a few more minutes before Andrew was coming, his groan stifled by Neil’s neck.

After a few minutes of just coming down from the orgasm, Andrew pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped the both of them down. He checked if Kevin was outside, and was relieved to see that no one was outside the door. The game on the television was done, and a commercial was playing. Neil was looking at him, both his hands back on the bed.

“Andrew,” Neil whispered, and Andrew looked at him. Neil’s eyes were full of that– that thing, and Andrew hated it so much.

He hated Neil so much.

“I hate you,” Andrew replied, and leaned forward to kiss Neil again. The kiss was slow, deep, and filthy. Neil wrapped an arm around his waist, and pulled Andrew closer to his body. Andrew took note of the way Neil kissed him, with such passion and meaning.

It was a moment he never wanted to end.

[catboybatman]

- okay, but just don’t do it in public (stimming)

- what do you mean that isn’t good representation? well, i really liked it and thought it was very good. (not caring about actual good representation, only about their own agenda)

- You’re nothing like that other autistic kid in our block thats male and older and not the same person as me (its a spectrum how many times do i have to explain this tiffany?)

- you’re lying, you just want extra time on tests

- oh really! i wouldn’t have known! (its not a complement, even if its meant that way)

- I’m sorry to hear that

- *tries to mansplain what autism is to me like i dont know what i have???* 

-at least you’re not a psychopath (do i even have to explain? this is not only rude to the ASD community but also to psychopaths)

-So like Sherlock Holmes? (yes Karen, im a 1880′s detective with a god-complex)

- dont say you’re disabled!

- stop that, you dont have tourettes (ticks and stims)

- you’re very emotional for an autistic person

-are you sure its not *insert random mental illness*

- you’re just stressed

- you just need to be outside more, autism isnt real

- you just need some vitamins

- laughing at ticks and stims (this isnt always bad bc sometimes it actually is funny but we really cant help most of it so it would be nice not to be treated like a jester)

-Can you shut up about [ special interest]! (not bad per sé but keep in mind that infodumping is a way of showing love/trust and its never nice to tell people to shut up about something they’re passionate about, asking is fine, often times we dont even realize we’re doing it)

-GirLS CaNT hAve AutISM

- Its not that bad, just shut up about it (i would like to be my own judge about that Debra, thanks)

- how can being outside be hard? its good for you! (im aware, sensory issues make it rather hard to tho)

- but their arent any sensory things you can be bothered by outside! (yes actually, its second on my list of places with too much sensory, right next behind school)

- me: “yeah, im really sensitive to sound”

random kid in my class: *screams in my ear*

-you just need to sport and move more! it will all go over! (my doc deadass said it can worsen the symptoms if the person isnt on board with it lmao, take that dad. In fact, sporting can be more tiring for autistic people, tho we should keep moving, its healthy!)

things you shouldn't say to (or about) an autistic person:

you don't know any better

stop pretending like you don't know what I'm saying

how don't you understand? it's so simple

r slur. dont say it period.

stop being so dramatic, it's not that big a deal

stop using your autism as an excuse

*explaining things in a condescending tone like we're children*

smol bean, so precious and innocent

well it's not like they can understand anyway

*talking about us like we're not there*

you're faking for attention

but you're not that autistic

but you're really good at talking!

everyone's a little autistic

stop doing those weird motions! you're drawing attention!

you're a buzzkill

it's so hard to talk to you

oh so you're like a robot! a machine!

nevermind. (you basically admit that we're not worth the extra few seconds it would take to include us.)

*laughing or shrugging us off if we say we don't understand*

don't take things so seriously (especially when we talk about ableism. never say this.)

you're reading too much into it

wow so you're like not even human

oh so like sheldon cooper?

I know a lot about autism. I've watched rain man

but you're not screaming or flapping your hands?

but then how are you talking

oh so you must be really good at math

so are you like really good at chess?

I bet you're really good at playing a lot of instruments

ohmygosh, the good doctor is my favorite show! it's sooo good

sometimes when I'm in a bad mood and I'm tired, I can't tell what people's faces mean, I'm probably a little autistic too haha

you're just a little awkward/it's just social anxiety

you're exaggerating

so can you tell what this face means? *makes some random constipated expression*

you're just quirky!

don't be so sensitive

they're not all the way there...

I thought you'd be ranting or info-dumping about your special interest 24/7

I met an autistic person before but you guys are nothing alike

but you're not a boy?

but you're not white?

I read somewhere on [insert obscure, non-factual blogging website] that you could cure it by lighting incense. (stop trying to shove cures at us. they don't work, and we don't want one anyway.)

that's so tragic

your parents are so strong!

but then how are you making eye contact with me?

so you don't feel any empathy?

are you like a psychopath?

autism moms are superheroes

you're emotionless

so you must be really nerdy and into sci-fi huh

I bet you'll cure cancer! (unless they have explicitly stated their interest in medical research or stem, don't assume that that's where their interest lies)

why are you so anti-social?

have you even tried to make friends?

it's not that loud, I'm not gonna turn it down

don't rely on aids! you'll get there through hard work and determination. aids will only slow you down in the long run

you're insane

you're no fun. you're like a cranky old person

this show has really good autism rep!

what do you mean it's not good representation? I think you're being too harsh and judgmental

but you're actually really nice? I thought autistic people had no filter

no you're not, I would know

that must be so hard for your family

so are you low- or high-functioning?

do you read really fast like reid from criminal minds?

I wish I was autistic

you're really akward

you're bad at conversations and social cues. (thanks, I hadn't noticed.)

no, don't call yourself "autistic"! say "person with autism", because you are more than your disability ❤

but you don't look autistic

autistic people, feel free to add more :)

allistic people are encouraged to reblog, but don't clown

[sweetcatastrophex]

there’s so much going on, i feel overwhelmed again. i’m being attacked personally and professionally on facebook for simply asking for local reactions to the presidential election bc my editor asked us to do stories on it. these people are in complete denial of reality and calling me fake news and not real journalism. meanwhile i’m busting my ass day in and day out for dirt wages to bring high quality news to more than 30,000 people. also, they’re fucking WRONG lmao so embarrassing for them. then i have my mom denying reality too, diverting constantly from how horrible trump is, claiming facts aren’t true and she even said to me that she lost respect for all journalists. that my industry is going down the tube. i’m scared. this is terrifying — truth is losing its sanctity. people discredit facts simply because they don’t like them. and trump and people like ben shapiro and tucker carlson and rudy guliani make them comfortable doing so. and it’s not just this country — demagogues around the world are crumbling democracy. and if we crush democracy here, what happens? even tho biden won there’s still more than 70 million people who support racist, narcissistic, dumbass failure of a salesman trump. our country is literally divided in half and that half has guns. i do my best to avoid news about trump, avoid hearing what he says or tweets, but he still creeps into my life in other ways — even causing my family members to stop talking to me. and i’m so sick of it. yeah the same family members who preached about “family first” family is always there for you blah blah blah bitches you blocked me out of your life after one political post i shared. liars and hypocrites. i just finished a mental breakdown. was hysterically crying as soon as i finished work bc of the onslaught of things — the FB comments, my mom denouncing my career choice, the crumbling sanctity of the truth, the mistrust of journalists, democracy being attacked and overrun... it’s just a lot tonight. i was crying so hard but i guess i had to let it out. and i was doing so good. i wasn’t sharing political posts on social media as much, wasn’t interacting with trolls for the sake of my mental health... then this shit happened. thanks, work, for making me post on FB. these people are absolutely fucking delusional. ima ignore em all tho lol. poor morty cried a little too and was looking at me as i was sobbing.. he came over to me prob bc i was so loud and comforted me, pushing up against me with his body and licking my feet lol then jake stopped playing video games when i approached him and talked to me and calmed me down. my boyzzz <3 i tried calling karen but she’s watching a movie with a friend and i called peter to talk to him bc he’s a reporter too so we relate on that level and it helped a little. i think ima read some NY Times opinion columns or something.  like i get it. this is nothing new — i’ve been analyzing conservatives for years now. the psychology of it (massive projection almost constantly), their mindsets, what drives them (fear), etc. the party was even prepping to call the election illegitimate for months by falsely claiming voter fraud and “illegal votes” (what is that). we knew it was coming. i said to my mom that i know there’s shitty things happening in the world and in the country, and it’s easy to deny them and pretend like they don’t exist but that’s not how you make things better. to improve something you have to first accept there’s an issue (in this case, many, many issues). 

[punkcherries]

get ready to rrrrrumble

jesus christ this is a long ass submission so uh puts it in a read more also puts my txt in bold so its easier to read 👍

Right, so I��ve just read everything that happened in the last few asks you got and I’m just gonna sit down and tell you this right now. You better strap the fuck in because this is long and if you’re not gonna read it, shame on you, because all of this is specifically about YOU and the problems people have with you (the people Blu mentioned). First off, I’m not Blu, so don’t go and start calling him names in your server because you’re finally, FINALLY, being called out on all the bullshit you do. I used to be your friend, I left on semi-good terms, and this entire thing is going to explain WHY I left + why you need to square the fuck up.

sounds like fun whoever u are

You need to get your shit together and seriously change yourself, but of course you’re not gonna do that, because you’re an incompetent piece of shit who has your head so far up your ass you can’t see all the things you do wrong. You act like you’re the person who suffers the most, and that anytime anyone is rude to you it’s THEIR fault, not the fact that you did something terrible to someone or that you started some drama. I’ve been fed up with this shit for months, and have been hesitant to say anything directly to your face, because you don’t even know me that well and we hardly talked. We did interact a few times, but those few times were absolute hell to me, because I must have literally retracted some kind of disease just from being near you. You are the fucking EMBODIMENT of tumblrina, and it’s so fucking sad because you weren’t like this before (based on what a few others have told me).

the use of tumblrina here is jus makin me laugh ur a funny guy buddy but i feel like my past self is worse thn my current self like past me participated in cringe culture so like ew

The way you talk? Absolutely fucking horrid. Sit the fuck up and talk like a normal goddamn human being. I’m here to talk to you, not to decipher some 57 commas and abhorrid shortening of words. Jesus fucking Christ Sombre, I can understand Internet slang and cutting some words up, but you fucking butcher the English language so bad it literally sounds like a toddler having a stroke while mashing at their keyboard. It’s “that” not “tht”, it’s “thing” not “thng”, it’s “something” not “smth”, and for GOD FUCKING SAKES IT’S “THE” NOT “TH”. ARE YOU LITERALLY SO FUCKING LAZY THAT YOU CAN’T EVEN TYPE “THE”, A THREE LETTER WORD. I don’t give a shit if you’re talking like this to sound like an anxious uwu tumblr piece of SHIT, it sounds fucking IDIOTIC and it’s an ABSO-FUCKING-LUTE PAIN TO READ.

language is fake and is mostly just sounds we give meaning, im very sorry if you have trouble reading the way i type and id be more than happy to try and not speak to you like i usually do to everyone else if you just asked politely and talked it out with me (tho the idiotic part is accurate im not very smart lmao)

SPEAKING OF YOUR TUMBLR, LET’S TALK ABOUT YOUR UPSET.TXT TAG. If you think anyone is gonna pity you, SPOILER ALERT! THEY’RE FUCKING NOT. Unless they’re your shitty “friends”, NOBODY fucking gives a shit, alrighty? Speaking from my perspective and a few others, nobody’s gonna see this venting on their dashboard and give two shits. Unless they’re your mutuals, they won’t care and it just leaves a bad impression. It’s pathetic how when ANYTHING negative happens to you, you decide to take to Tumblr to boo hoo crypost about it. You wanna vent? You wanna cry yourself to sleep? Cool, talk about it on your server, NOT FUCKING TUMBLR, WHERE LITERALLY ANYONE CAN SEE IT. This is just like how Facebook used to be, you see these posts of people posting personal shit and getting bit in the ass for it later, YEAH WELL THAT’S WHAT’S HAPPENING TO YOU RIGHT NOW BUDDY. DON’T LIKE IT? DON’T FUCKING VENT ON TUMBLR.

i rarely vent on here dude like?? do you see the time gaps between the posts in my vent tag? its also my blog so i can post whatever i like as long as im not hurting anyone yo, plus the point of venting for me at least isnt to like get attention or sympathy its to let off some steam not to mention most to all of my vent posts are vague as hell so like…. why do you even care though?? if i get bit in the ass then thats my problem not yours

Right, so let’s talk about your “im gay” tag too! You identify as male, correct? That’s cool! Congrats. But you’re not gay if you clearly show an interest in girls. Doesn’t matter if they’re fictional or not. Your “im gay” tag is filled with girls (Bismuth, some anime girl, pinup girls). NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE! You’re male, those are females! Opposite genders! That means you’re NOT GAY! WOAAAAAH! So who are you to be reblogging and posting all this shit about how hetero people are the devil, hetero people are the worst wah wah, when you yourself identify as a guy and clearly seem to be interested in girls, even if just a little?

dude i used to identify as nonbinary i only recently started identifying as male, hell i used to identify as female ages back so like? the posts in that tag are most to all old and i do realize my attraction to girls isnt gay, hence why ive only been referring to my attraction to dudes as me being gay post-male identification i guess

Speaking of all the heterophobic shit you reblog, have you not considered it could make some of your followers feel absolutely terrible? I’m bi myself, I like both guys and girls, but holy FUCK when I see that shit on your blog it makes me feel guilty for liking guys at all! Is that how you want people to feel? Whether they’re pan, bi, or straight, that shit’s literally so fucking damaging and it sure as hell hurts to see! And don’t throw that “some of those posts are jokes” bullshit at me, because guess the fuck what! They may be jokes to people who aren’t hetero, but they sure as hell don’t seem like jokes to those who are! How would you feel if I made a joke that was even SLIGHTLY negative towards homosexuals? Wait, no, don’t answer that, because I already know how you’d feel. You’d get pissy, you’d stomp your little baby feet over to Tumblr, and then crypost about it, saying you’re facing homophobia and being harassed blah blah blah.

HETEROPHOBIC IM LAUGHING…. buddy…. pal…. heterophobia is fake and im very sorry if those post make you feel bad as a bisexual person (im also bi so) but heterophobia isnt actually a thing, comparing jokes directed at straight people to lgbtphobia is inherently lgbtphobic as it compares little jokes most to all directed at bigoted/ignorant straights to something that can often result in the actual literal death of hundreds of people for their gender/orientation- that doesnt happen to straight people dude

Also: you don’t have autism. Were you officially diagnosed? Because I’m gonna be real fuckin’ honest, it doesn’t sound like you have autism. You sure have something, hoh yeah, but it’s sure as hell not autism. You put your “autism” up on a pedestal and act like it’s one of the only things about you, like no hunty, your mental illness doesn’t define you. Nobody gives a shit, okay? Your mental illness isn’t an excuse to act like a literal fuckface, it’s not an excuse to treat people like shit, and it sure as hell isn’t an excuse to blame everything on others and make yourself out to be the good guy because “my autism made me anxious or forget things ;w;”. This is the exact kind of tumblrina thing I’m talking about, people on this goddamn website act like their mental illness is the only quality about them and that not being neurotypical makes them special. NEWS-FUCKIN-FLASH, it doesn’t. It really doesn’t. You don’t see me using my mental illness as an excuse for my actions, because I actually step the fuck up and take responsibility for shit I’ve caused. My mental illness does not define me. There’s more to me than that. You need to realize that your fake-ass autism isn’t an excuse for you to be a fucking asshole to the people around you, and that your actions do have consequences. Stop blaming others for shit you’ve caused, stop calling people jackasses when it’s YOU who’s insulting people and twisting the truth, and for the love of God tell your white knights of friends to shut the FUCK up if they don’t know all the details of a situation.

i was technically diagnosed albeit in a nontraditional fashion (a psych at our middleschool was the one who diagnosed me) and i have never defined myself solely by my autism nor have i used it as an excuse for my fuck ups, ive literally apologized and stopped doing the things i did since the blu incident, i recognize i fucked up there and i apologized and i havent done the whole lying out of anxiety thing since, also my white knights of friends??? YOURE the one coming into MY inbox to tell me how shit i am after i blocked blu i literally just want this to be over leave me alone dude

Alright, so now that we’re done talking about YOU, let’s talk about your fandoms. You like Osomatsu-San. Okay, that’s fine. What’s not fine is how FUCKING obsessive you are about it. There’s nothing wrong with liking something and being attached to characters, making art of it, having a blog, reblogging it, talking about it, that’s okay. That’s okay! But you? You fucking hold the characters so close and act like they’re your own characters. You get upset when something doesn’t go your way in the show. This was evidenced by how many times you’ve complained about episodes (guess where? upset.txt) after they’ve come out. That anon about the straight joke? You got so heated over that, didn’t you? Saying Chibita was “out of character”, BITCH, what do you fucking know? He’s not your goddamn character! The writers will write him however the fuck they want. It’s THEIR fucking show, it’s THEIR fucking characters, and it’s THEIR decision of who does what and who acts like what. There’s a VERY thick line between canon and fanon, and you can’t seem to distinguish that AT ALL. You merge your shitty headcanons with the canon universe, and when something doesn’t go your way, you FREAK THE FUCK OUT and go crying about it in your server or on your tags.

youre blowing that ONE FUCKING POST so out of proportion ive never complained abt ososan in upset.txt outside of MAYBE episode 4 and that would be because of the NONCONSENSUAL SEX SCENE i KNOW my headcanons arent canon i KNOW that the chibita/snowtoko complaint was MINOR and i fucking LIKED THAT EPISODE A LOT!! i didnt cry i just felt that based on how the staff have characterized chibita up until that point it was a little jarring to see him react like he did THAT IS ALL! what the fuck!! how would you even know what i talk about in my servers!! youre obviously misinformed my guy!!!

Lemme tell you something, Sombre: Karabita isn’t canon. OH SHIT! I SAID IT BOYS! THAT’S A FUCKING CURSE ISN’T IT!! No, sorry, sit the fuck down and suck those tears up, because it’s true. It’s not canon. It isn’t. You grasp at straws to say it is, but it isn’t. Chibita wore somehing blue? Oh shit, it’s Karamatsu! He’s clearly in love with him! No, sorry honey, that’s not how it works. Of course Chibita would feel pity on him and let him stay with him (ep 24), because who wouldn’t? That doesn’t mean they’re dating. Karamatsu may be the most bisexual person ever, but he sure as hell isn’t dating Chibita (at least, not canonly). Speaking of Chibita, you need to stop acting like any other Matsu x Chibita ship is literal hell. They’re not. There are some decent ones out there, and although they’re rarepairs by now, they’re a lot better quality than the Karabita bullshit you spew out.

me saying karabita is canon is a joke, and my disdain for non karabita matsubita ships is based half in coping reasons and half in chibita has literally no chemistry with the other matsus and seems to not like any of the other bros at all whereas hes actually shown some level of tolerance or interest in karamatsu

While we’re on the subject of non-canon ships, Atsutodo isn’t canon either. Fuck’s sake, they were on screen together for 10 damn seconds. Yes, I’m aware there’s card art of Atsushi and Todomatsu having a meal together, but they’re very clearly not dating if Todomatsu is still going out with girls and holding their hands etc. Oh, speaking of Todomatsu: Your trans hc of him? Generic as fuck. He’s not trans. Call me a transphobe, I don’t give a shit, but he’s not trans. Look at the -kun animes. He’s a guy. Where in his life would he have magically been a girl and then go right back to a guy? The time span between a 12 year old and a 21 year old isn’t long enough to allow you time to transition. In that day and age, it wasn’t even acceptable to be transgender. So none of the Matsus are trans, get that out of your head. Get those “autism hcs” out of your head too, because I KNOW you hc Kara and Jyushi as autistic (and I’m aware you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic too, but we’ll get to that later).

i know atsutodo isnt canon i never said it was all the “x ship is canon” jokes are about karabita and theyre jokes dude, i just think atsutodo would be cute. why the fuck do you even care about my trans hcs?? theyre HEADCANONS they dont HURT ANYONE and like dude there are trans children out there….. stop being a fuckface about simple headcanons what the fuck.

Lemme tell ya something. Karamatsu sure as hell isn’t autistic. Literally the only reason you headcanon him as such is because you yourself claim to be autistic and because “uwu he’s m fav,,,, i relate to him,,,”. Also, I realize “jyushi is autistic xD” headcanons are common, but JESUS FUCK it’s time for them to die. Jyushimatsu is just bizarre in and out, it’s his personality and his way of life. If you’re gonna hc him as autistic for his personality, you’re obviously ignoring his physical abilities. What about that time he cloned himself? Grew different sizes? What about how he seemingly has no bones (tentacle arms)? But oh, let’s ignore that, because he’s always got a smile on his face and he has a childish personality so DURR HE’S OBVIOUSLY AUTISTIC. Also, you used to headcanon Ichimatsu as autistic, but as soon as you started hating him you threw that headcanon out the window. This is PROOF you only headcanon your favorite characters as autistic, and that’s some of the STUPIDEST shit ever.

literally just let people headcanon what they want if it doesnt hurt anyone, im sure in canon theyre not autistic but this is HEADCANON. and is this also to imply that just because a character can do bizarre thing with theyre body they cant also be autistic?? what the fuck does that have to do with anything??? and i didnt throw my autistic ichi hc out the window because “i hate him” i dont even hate him im indifferent to him i hate his fanon incarnation because its stupidly out of character and one note, i also didnt even drop the autism hc for him i feel like he definitely 100% could be autistic but i just dont think about it as much because i think about other characters more than i think about him

Oh yeah, I’d love to hear why you hate Ichimatsu so much? Shut up, I know it’s because “hhhh he abuses kara” but that’s fucking wrong. Listen, Ichimatsu isn’t exactly my favorite either but at least I don’t make him out to be a fucking asshole to Karamatsu. All of the brothers have treated Karamatsu like shit at one point or another. They’ve thrown things at him, ditched him, called him names, ignored him, it’s a fucking trope in the anime that Karamatsu was the one to get hurt. Sure, season 2 has kinda turned that around, but the whole “Ichimatsu is bitter to Karamatsu” thing is the dynamic between them. They DO have moments where they’re not onto each other, though. See how Ichimatsu followed Karamatsu into the woods? Remember the episode where they switched clothes? They didn’t kill each other neither of those times, did they? And yes, I’m aware Ichimatsu has hurt Karamatsu at times (the bazooka, I think smacking?) but he doesn’t LITERALLY ABUSE HIM. You don’t see him kicking him around, PUNCHING HIM, HITTING HIM, EVERY SECOND OF HIS LIFE. Yes, he calls him names. Yes, he’s threatened to hurt him (“I’ll kill you, Shittymatsu.”) but he’s been stopped or HAS stopped every time. If he really was so intent on hurting Karamatsu, don’t you think he wouldn’t ignore his brothers and hurt Karamatsu anyway? But no, he didn’t, and he stopped each time he grabbed Kara. That’s because the entire “Ichimatsu despises Karamatsu” thing is a GAG in the show. It’s meant to be funny. It’s not meant for your negative ass to label it as abuse and then boohoo about it every time Ichimatsu is mentioned. That’s not a valid reason to hate a character, hell, even Karamatsu’s seiyuu said in a Doramatsu CD that Karamatsu was just comic relief. And if you’re gonna look for a reason why Ichimatsu dislikes Karamatsu, consider the hinted and well-supported reason: Ichimatsu “hates” Karamatsu because of how confident he is and how he can always be himself. Ichi is insecure. Ichi is antisocial. Kara, on the other hand, can express himself and show how “cool” he is. Consider that Ichimatsu wants to be more like him, hence why he said he’s the “number one Karamatsu boy” in that one episode.

okay this is just ridiculous i DONT HATE ICHIMATSU and i KNOW its a GAG, i KNOW they get along sometimes i KNOW all the brothers have shat on kara I KNOW THIS abuse takes many forms though and in a more serious anime the way the bros treat kara would probably be depicted as abusive, but it isnt a serious anime so its a gag and i understand that thats FINE, did you even watch the ichimatsu incident? ichimatsu got plenty fucking pissed off at karamatsu and stuff and the “number one karamatsu boy” nonsense was him being concerned about how karamatsu might think of him as such not him calling himself a karamatsu boy, and yes i know the whole ichi wants to be cool and confident like kara thing i understand that but even so that wouldnt logically excuse his bitterness toward kara but again, its a gag anime so its whatever, youre also ignoring the facet of his disdain towards kara being in part because kara is also vain and ichi finds this annoying and thinks kara is fake as hell because of it there was something in i think a magazine where the bros are all asked what they think of eachother i think and i THINK ichi said something along the lines of him not liking kara because he fakes being nice for the sake of his own ego or something (which is likely ichi just having a negative image of kara rather than that actually being the case because i dont think karas that smart but who knows i dont!!) so like y’know

In conclusion, I would like to say you need to shut the fuck up and chill with your fandoms and headcanons, realize headcanons aren’t canon, and also get your head out of your ass. You’ve done so many wrong things and need to stop blaming them on others. You’ve lied, insulted, and put the blame on so many of your old friends, you’ve avoided people who you deem “toxic” (simply because they have different opinions than you), you think people can’t form their own opinions, and you don’t back up your friends when they’re getting shittalked. You act like an assoholic brat and cannot, for the life of you, open up your eyes and see this. You’re lucky the dicktwats on your server are there for you, because if they weren’t, you’d be all alone, and honestly? That seems pretty good at this point. Fits you perfectly.

i know headcanons arent canon, i know ive lied (though ive really only insulted people who were dicks to my friends and maybe blu which probably not a good thing but i mean hes also insulted me so?? even i guess??) and i regret that, im more honest now and try my best to show kindness to people who have done me and my friends no wrong, ive only ever put blame on blu i literally dont blame anyone else for anything, i dont avoid people i deem “toxic” i avoid people i dont get along with because if i dont get along with them then theres no reason to talk to them im gonna let them live their lives, of course i think people can form their own opinions what on earth are you talking about???? when did i not back up a friend when they got shit talked?? i dont remember that but id like to deeply apologize if i ever did, unless youre talking about when someone in my server insults blu over ykno… him not leaving me alone and harassing me when ive done nothing but mind my own business since the incident, then while it was kind of uncomfortable for me because i felt it was the wrong thing to do i couldnt exactly muster the words to protest it. im very sorry you feel that way im always trying to improve and i like to think that im making some level of progress in being more sensitive and kind to those around me. but also dont insult my friends they didnt do shit weve been minding our own goddamn business this entire time blu is the one who started it back up again.

Now, go back to crying in your server and soaking in self-deprication, fuckass.

yknow i get the feeling i know who this is but i dont want to jump to any conclusions so, uh, okay! see ya my dude :0c

[onlyjihoons]

college! minhyung

a/n; inspired by a series of unfortunate events that happened to yours truly, and it’s my first time writing a college au so please enjoy:’)

major: music and audio tech

mark really liked music and making music so when he heard there was a course for it he immediately signed himself up for that

and he’s in the school’s dance club,, a very underrated dancer

tbh he partially got in because of his looks

also an underrated visual in nct

but mostly because this boy got those sick moves and he does music too?? yes please

i’m not saying that he’s the campus hottie but that’s exactly what i’m saying

but he’s really low-key and just wants to pursue his passion in music

and do well

you and mark met through this thing where you get admitted early into a course you like

you,, chose communications and media management or mass communications, as you would like to call it(i shall refer it to cmm)

and mark was there for the early admission exercise too because he had it as a backup if he couldn’t get into music and audio tech

at first the whole room was super tense because,, cmm is fiercely competitive

and you needed more than just language to get through this whole thing

when you arrived, you took a seat at the back because,, isn’t that what students do

and then mark came into the room like a really awkward bean

literally bows to everyone while saying excuse me

and he takes his seat beside you(!!)

you were lowkey screaming because,, why would someone as hot as mark sit beside you,, an average girl who just wants to get into the damn course

and your school didn’t had guys like that

let’s take a moment to imagine mark in casual clothes, like that red lacoste polo tee and ripped jeans and black vans and a kanken?? did that made your heart race? because it made my heart do just that

ya’ll know exactly which pic im referring to

so you decided not to be a chicken and make friends w him

“i’m really nervous,, i’ve yet to internalize my script for the screen test later”

“same,, i’m more worried for the written test tbh” with that shy smile of his

ok b4 we move on there are 3 components of your early admission exercise thing

1. written test 2. screen test 3. interview

and basically you have to go through all of that lmao

ok let’s get back to the story

“i’m sure you’ll do well, uhm..”

“mark”

“mark, yep”

“and you’re?”

“y/n”

“that’s a pretty name ^^”

you swore your heart dropped

fast forward to the interview, you and mark were in the same group

and the damn lecturers had their radar on you bc wow reader you’re a catch

“so y/n, we saw that you write fiction in your portfolio, right?”

you broke into a sweat bc they ain’t gonna reveal that you write fanfictions in front of mark

“yeah i do”

“so could you please come up with a plot and characters for a current affair you know?”

you were pretty shook because fanfic ideas only hit you when it’s the right time(ff writers do you feel me)

so you were stuttering,

“i lost my childhood friend in a tsunami??”

and the lecturers literally cracked up at your idea

but they couldn’t blame you though, its hard to come up with an answer on the spot

at the end of the interview, mark was also lowkey cracking up

“omg i can’t believe you said that y/n, but i gotta admit it was pretty creative”

“i know right, why did i say that…” 

“i thought it was really creative and different though, i liked it”

there goes your heart

fastforward to the beginning of the school term

mark and you exchanged numbers on that day and when you guys received the results of the posting he wasn’t in cmm but music and audio tech

tbh you were rlly happy for him bc you guys were convenient friends from that day on and he was so excited and passionate about making music its just so so heartwarming

and well, the first assignment the lecturer gave was about a collaboration?? article

it can be between any student as long as its a different major

and it applies to every student on campus gdi

so the first person that came to your mind was mark

so after your lecture you ran straight to the block mark’s lecture hall was at

and as soon his lecture ended you ran up to mark who was busy chatting with his newfound friends

“mark! did you get the collaboration assignment?”

“yeah i did, why?”

“c-can i collab with you?”

and all his friends were all stunned like,, why is this girl suddenly coming up to mark to collab

“s-sure, why not?” with the mark giggle, you know what i’m talking about

“good, i’ll see you soon then,” you winked, leaving mark dumbstruck

and when you left your heart was leaping out of your chest and you mentally slapped yourself for winking at mark

anyhow, you and mark would meet up every other day to work on the assignment, with mark as your protagonist of your article

and mark makes a music piece, as you take part in producing the music piece

but the song is actually about you!!

basically mark talks about what he learns in the course, like making music and stuff

he also plays the guitar which is a plus

whilst you guys were collabing

mark gained attention for his insanely good looks, which he often denied and pushes the campus hottie title to taeyong,, his senior

and also his music making and lyric writing talent

have you seen his rap freestyle in snowball project??? like how did you even mark lee 

and you gained attention for your writing, one of the top cmm students in school with a bright personality and media sense

and rumour goes around the campus that the best students of both majors are collabing and are already scoring those As lmao

that rumour was true and everyone was looking forward to the finished products of the geniuses of the school

while you two were collabing you two got to know more about each other

and you know,, you,, like,, like,, each other its so cute 

you two keep sending signals to one another

for mark its adding smileys to his texts and a few hearts and like holding the door when you enter the recording studio and all those gentlemanly stuff ugh so sweet

for you,, its just more affection and skinship and playful slaps on the shoulder

the rest of the school; “pLEASE DATE ALREADY”

both of your friends literally could sense those signals but the both of you couldn’t

so on the last day of doing the assignment you and mark would show each other’s completed assignment

you showed mark your article of him, alongside with a candid picture of him working on the music you took secretly

“omg y/n,, this is so good, thank you so much”

“you’re welcome mark,, it’s nothing,, really”

and mark showed you his finished music piece and you were so proud of him because the song actually sounded legit and not by a college student

after the music ended, mark looked at you seriously and started fiddling with his hands

“you know,, y/n,, i’ve been wanting to tell you this in the longest time…”

“what is it?”

“that,, i really like you,, since the d-day we met, i really like how you are so passionate about writing and stuff… and how pretty you are and…”

“i like you too, mark, i really really like you”

and the you two hug and boom youre dating aAAAA so cute

dating college!mark would be the softest thing ever

he would memorise your favourite drink and buy it for you every morning without fail

you reckon mark would be broke by the end of the year from buying your favourite white chocolate mocha from starbucks every morning lol

and wait outside the girls’ dorm for you

and the main point is he looks good while waiting for you that sometimes you come down a lil later to just take candid pics of him waiting for you LOL

if mark’s lectures end earlier than yours, he would wait for you outside your lecture room like omg sweetest boyfriend ever

basically you guys are like inseperable

but he’s a lil shy with the pda during the first steps of the r/s so expect loads of blushy mark

but when he’s warmed up to it he’s like the clingiest baby ever

he does give you space tho,, which youre thankful for

and when he stays up too late to do his music assignment you would creep into the studio to bring him some snacks and coffee

and make sure he gets sleep because this boy can’t be stopped unless youre around

you joined the dance club soon after he joined an like you two are the literal power couple with the visuals and talents just,,, debut together please

when ya’ll did 1million dance studio’s All I Wanna Do choreography iT WAS LIT AND SLAYING EVERYONE WAS CHEERING

mark is generally rlly shy with compliments so you always compliment him so that people dont take advantage of his humility if that makes sense

like there was once he had a group project and je did most of the work and everyone was like “mark you did all the work!! this isnt a group project”

mark was like no omg my teammates did the work too

and his jackass teammate was like “oh mark only did half of the work and we did the most”

you were ready to fight that asshole and mark had to literally hold you back 

mark really likes it when you steal his hoodies and wear it to lectures bc you look so cute in them

and his graphic tees too this boy has gr8 fashion ngl

when the break rolls around you guys would go cafe hopping and eat till your stomachs were almost exploding

and also shopping for clothes and all that

mark was willing to be your human guinea pig when you buy makeup when your hand runs out of space for swatches

and when its time to pay mark just shoves his credit card to the cashier and youre like

“mark youre gonna be so broke thats $128 worth of makeup”

and you pouting and mark had to use his fingers to lift your lips up into a smile

“you’ve done so much for me for just being my girlfriend, babe, just let me pay for it this once”

and it was the 34th time he paid lmao

anyhow dating!college mark is all pure and fluffy and innocent

please give mark lots of love

[cryingismysport]

i relapsed in many ways and ended up having a court hearing an almost month hold to get out of a bad psych hospital that got me going thru drug withdrawals because they gave me high doses of ativan and sent me home cold turkey and they also neglected and i was throwing up and sleeping me and now im taking a shit ton of klonopin and every relationship i know is falling apart and i sent photos to someone i shouldnt have i also binged after not eating for so long when i was in the emergency room waiting for placement for 2 days i got a scan of my stomach and my body was violently twitching for hours and i had so many ivs in me and was so hungry at times and couldnt lift my arms up and had all these sitters watching my every move and coming into the bathroom with me.  it was so uncomfortable and i also spent all of my money and lied and when i went there i told no one i called 911 at night and my famly thought i was missing and dead.... i stopped eating drinking water place was unliable had racing thoughts still do pacing back and forth severe anxiety and shame and im losing my hair from losing so much weight and i had a shit ton of mental breakdowns and mania in front of my mom recently and begged hear to leave even tho shes kinda like my si watch.... fucking nightmare... tried to contact anyone about the other things that happened or at least cryptically talking about... also my ambulance and billing for all this is gonna be so high and my family is done with me lol because this happened before but it wasnt my fault and i wanted to get a psych evaulation and then the hospital threatened me to take meds i know nothing of and i talked to no one but this angered doctor for a minute who cut me off and staff were not watching at all... the night before the hospital i also ordereedd razors and laxatives and a lemon the fuck... i also sexted someone or tried to the first time because im so deeply confused and impuslive and empty inside and it went very wrong....

my mom said if im another predicament like this again where im stuck somewhere she wont help me.... like okay.... 

i also accidentally burned my skin...

fun.. self fucking destruction.......

also they made me undress and literally did  so much weird shit at this place and im gonna go bankrupt and ive literally called everyone because i almost was gonna take all my pills or cut or something or end my life or at least the feeling of it but even with this post no one truly knows whats going on. the shame i feel is crazy and i cant deal with critisism abandonment me always fucking things up with my self relationships and my world.. 

try showering witha  shit ton of needles in ur arm and an absent minded sitter and no soap lmao 

ive never felt physical heartbreak from exposing myself to someone and them deciding they dont like me anymore and i used all the things i bought for them... 

also was so emotionally disturbed with my racing thoughts i was forgetting what i was doing every minute like shower on and i was even trying to find clothes to go to the hospital cause i knew i couldnt do another night and morning in that place and my mental state which was never evaulated.. and then i was planning on things ... bad.. also remembering childhood trauma this week and i broke down to my mom and shes close to disowning me probably. 

i said i would never use again and i said i would stop talking to this abusive person who now is calling me crazy basically and many disturbing things were sent to me but i just want to feel something...

i havent had a true person to share sort of my trust with since i was a little girl and i couldnt handle the sickness i felt after realizing i did way too much and they fucking hate me now and block me

forgetting how much im taking literally tweaking at the mall mother bonding time fun using my mom to buy me shit because i cant connnect anynmroe and my moms emotionless and so drained from me was stuck hiding in bathroom from her at movie :))))) cant even try on pants because of body dysmporphia too..

want drugs sex.... trauma llosss... byeee

i cant get my insurance to approve therapy even thru my psych now im forever in a cycle of destruction phyiscal depression being socially inadept and confused and trapped in my indentity.... like i could blacxk out and go to hospital but look what happened nothings ever changes i treat myself awful and im an addict 

always something wrong with me... to everyone i love... thats what really ruins me. 

i dont wanna be in my world anymore you know i llive in fantasy and too many expectations 

also threw up; all over my whole body blacked out no one helped  AT the placeee