#a lot were inspired by existing tattoos

[yllu-stration]

Tattoo flash sheet inspired by Simon "Ghost" Riley (2022) because I hate the ones they gave him in the game 😇

[calummss]

dating 90s/00s eminem …

masterlist 𓆩♱𓆪

kim and hailie don’t exist in this universe

start and development of relationship

i definitely imagine him to take notice of you at one of the underground rap battles roughly 1992/1993

your friend who was interested in going dragged you along one night cause they were really into rap and hip hop

and there you saw him! the one and only marshall marthers destroying every opponent that stood before him

after the battles came to an end you were already attracted to him and tried to get to him to talk to him

here’s how i think it would go:

‘hey, i just wanted to tell you that you absolutely killed it on stage. it’s my first time here so i lack certain knowledge but i know enough to know that you have an incredible talent’

‘thank you. your first time? what’s your name?’

‘y/n’

‘eminem. marshall mathers’

i imagine you to awkwardly shake hands. like i know you’re in the detroit underground scene but neither of you knew how to proceed

‘i hope this won’t be a shot in the dark but can i give you my number?’ your mind literally racing

‘sure, i’ll give you a call if i’m interested’

THIS MAN TURNS AROUND AND DIALS YOUR NUMBER AND LETS YOU ANSWER!! turning around with a smirk and just straight up low key flirting with you

he was embarrassed to bring you to his home but you eventually just showed up one day cause he wasn’t returning calls—you reassured him that you didn’t care and let slip that you loved him no matter what

marshall was definitely a bit overwhelmed at first and took him like a minute to snap out of his trance because it was most likely the first time he truly felt loved, appreciated and cared for

you supported him and his music until he was eventually signed

everyone was confused why you stayed with a man who wrote violent lyrics especially about his wife so you had to explain over and over again that the wife was fictional

and everyone that truly knew marshall knew that he would never lay a hand on you. he would rather d!e than hurt you

three years after you meet you become pregnant and were scared he was going to leave (news flash he didn’t)

he reassured you that if you wanted to keep the baby that you two would figure it out and that he would and could never ever leave your side

you married quick and definitely rushed it but it proved to be the best decision you made including keeping the baby

this lead to the birth of your beautiful daughter—for some reason the name romy jane won’t leave my mind so i’ll just leave it at that

anyway you blink and stardom surrounds marshall

a few hiccups occurred during the relationship but nothing major and you always managed to talk things trough

what the relationship would include

his hand would alway be on your waist! no matter if you’re on his lap, standing next to him or whatever, his hand will be at its rightful place

i believe he prefers cheek and jaw kisses. he loves a good forehead kiss and hand kiss when he’s emotional and talking to you about certain struggles

speaking of struggles; he would always and i mean always put on his strong persona for you but sometimes his walls would crumble and would cry into your shoulder holding you so tight like you’re about to slip from his grasp

you would make appearances in a few music videos

he would also prefer to be in the studio alone but brings you along when all demos are done to get your opinion because he values it a lot (low key more than dres)

of course you would be his main inspiration for a lot of songs, also you daughter, because he admires both of you so much

marshall is 100% a very jealous and possessive man. not overbearing but maybe a little more intense than the average man? he trusts you fully but not others. he doesn’t forbid you of anything but will always say and do stuff to let others know that you’re off limits

i imagine after you got married he got a tattoo of your face or name on his chest like right over his heart

likes holding hands in public and an occasional kiss but nothing more. he prefers his affection to be reserved for only you and not the world

ONLY refers to you as ‘my girl’. when he’s with friends he’d say stuff like ‘yo, where is my girl?’. and others would also refer to you as ‘his girl’. at one point you just got the nickname ‘slim’s girl’ or ‘shady’s girl’ depending on which you prefer

tries to keep you away from hollywood and only goes for recordings, shows etc. when he’s done you both leave for detroit to lead a somewhat quiet life

definitely will buy you a lot of gifts. sometimes expensive or cheap; something that reminds him of you or something he knows you want. he just feels like showering you with gifts. his love language is giving gifts or acts of service. he will watch your favourite show just because you like it

em will always thank you in his speeches!! something along the lines of ‘first of all thank you to dr. dre and my two beautiful girls who i love with my entire heart. you two are my world, i love you!’

but like you don’t understand he will always thank you. he could win a life time supply of soap and he would say your name with pride…he’s just so grateful to have you and to be able to call you family

would hold your bag/bags for you. marshall gives you princess treatment without realising bc he genuinely wants to do it. he will snatch those bags out of your hands before you can protest

when other artists or people take your name or your daughter’s name into their mouths with negative connotations you best believe em will rip them apart, so most people will never attack you or romy bc it’s a death sentence

people can call him lame, bad rapper, ugly, whatever they feel like but as soon as anyone mentions a hair on you or romy’s bodies…it’s over. careers are shredded…you love it though

if you are a girl who likes to get her nails done this is for you; at first you started asking him to choose a design and colour and at first he was confused but he learned to love it especially when you scratched his head or your hands around his yknow what…he even once tried to design some and you got it done

the sex is a mix of mildy rough and vanilla. sometimes you both need something a little more “agressive” but he also needs a calm session. i see it kind as a light switch: it’s either rough or vanilla, occasionally you mix it but it turns out one way or another

also the man is a sucker (pun) for head. like he loves your mouth on him. i genuinely believes it’s in his top 2 favourite sexual activities (don’t deny it i’m right)

extra: if you love marshall right and you two work, it will be both of yours best love, but if things don’t work they can quickly turn into a relationship from hell

[kaiser1ns]

#. SPEED DEMON

featuring 𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝘅 𝗳𝗲𝗺!𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 ıllı. endo yamato, takiishi chika

fluff. your boyfriend lives for the adrenaline, or in other words, he loves it when you cling to him when he speeds up, or when you put stickers on his bike.

inspired by michael jackson's song "speed demon"

BIKER BOYFRIEND!ENDO YAMATO

A dark black leather jacket, with a large white print on the back that was the same as the tattoo on his left shoulder, paired with an obsidian-colored helmet with the addition of a few contrasting Hello Kitty stickers, boots tapping the cemented ground as he leaned back on his motorcycle waiting for his beloved girlfriend to get ready, with another helmet resting on the seat that was the same color as the clouds adorned with black snake and pink bow stickers.

He didn't mind waiting, even though it was late at night but when he got the "I'm hungry" message, he immediately dressed and came at full speed to wait for you in front of your home, and you didn’t even get a text back, because his engine is so loud you always know he is there. Endo wasn't going to lie, it was cold, but he was sure that the moment he saw you, his body would warm up again.

Leaning on his motorcycle, he has his usual laid-back smirk as he glances at the door focusing on the sound of your footsteps getting closer. When the door finally opened, revealing you in your cute outfit for the night, his eyes lit up. His first words, always teasing but you knew he was all bark, no bite. “Princesses sure take a lot of time to get ready, huh?” He pushed off the bike, walking over to greet you when gloved hands cup the side of your face as he pressed a sweet, quick kiss on the lips. It’s soft and delicate, but you know Endo well enough to tell there’s more behind it–more that he’s holding back for later.

“But don’t worry your prince will always wait for you.”

Before you can even reply, Endo drapes his jacket around your shoulders, despite the fact you already had the same, you’d grabbed the first one you found on the hanger. It smelled like him, motor oil and strong cologne. “You don’t need to–” you started, but he was already securing your helmet, his fingers brushing against your skin with a tenderness that was the complete opposite of his rugged exterior.

“I know,” he says, “but I want to.” he zips the jacket up, making sure the helmet is tight, but not so tight that it hurts. Once everything was set, you hopped onto the back of the bike, resting your head against him, and wrapped your arms around his waist, feeling the warmth of his body under your hands. “The best photos I take of us always happen at times like this,” you murmured when he revved the engine and you felt the powerful rumble beneath you as he sped off down the dark road.

The cool wind greeted you both, and you gripped him harder, letting out a scream when he made a sudden drift and he just laughed at your reaction as he pushed the bike faster down the empty road.

When you finally arrived at the fast-food joint, you stayed outside seated on the bike, scrolling through his phone and snapping pictures while he disappeared inside to grab food. A few minutes later, he came back, pulling his gloves with his teeth and tossing you the bag of food before noticing how your eyes were concerted on something. “Baby, you got another speeding ticket,” you said, holding up the screen for him to see. He glanced at it, then shrugged, his hand already digging into the fries.

“Is that so?” the way he replied told you everything–you both knew he didn’t care. To Endo, every ticket was just another excuse for you to hold onto him tighter, no law existed to him. A ticket also meant a free ride to the love island, is what he likes to say. But you as well paid no mind, not when the food you have been caring for was delivered by yours truly. 

“Aren’t you cold?” you were fully covered, with his jacket on top of yours and he was just wearing a black shirt that was clinging to his body, his tattoos on display. "Not when you light up my heart." Always the smooth talker, but if he catches a cold it's on him. Playfully rolling your eyes as you unwrapped the burger and took a bite then offered it as he took a bite as well. You loved moments like this with him the most, just the two of you in the middle of the night, on a cute little date and racing at full speed with the stars.

After both of you were done, getting up on the bike you clung to him again on the ride back. With each mile, you felt closer, the world slipping away as the two of you raced through the night together. He would send you to another dimension, you were sure about that, somehow he always did, and as much as you enjoyed these long rides with no direction in mind your bed was also calling you. 

"Can you stay for tonight?" you'd ask him, leather jackets still on you and how can he say no to you? He will always wait, he will always stay because he can speed up all he wants on the highway, but he will always take things slow with you.

BIKER BOYFRIEND!TAKIISHI CHIKA

Tools scattered everywhere, the sound of the rumbling engine drowning out the music you had put on while sitting at the table eating ice cream in your boyfriend's garage. A big part of his time involved maintaining his bike, and you spend hours in that same garage where you have learned a thing or two, but you preferred to watch while he worked on his own for once, without Endo's help. "You missed tightening that part." pointing your finger down on the machine when he gave you the 'don't tell me what to do' look but you were right. He forgot to apply part of the brake and, at the very least, he wouldn't like for something to happen. "And you tell me I don't understand anything... I just saved your life." Taking another bite of the ice cream as you watched him wiping his face with the hem of his tank top showing off his toned stomach suddenly the cone of sweetness fell to the ground making a mess, when he turned to see what was happening he saw how red you have gotten. “You are always making a mess…” raising his eyebrow when he went inside the house to get something to clean it up, well, for you to clean because Takiishi won't bother to. He had always been the calm type, as calm as he can be. So when he stepped outside, his usual indifference clouding his eyes, you saw the perfect opportunity to strike. His burgundy-colored bike stood there, gleaming in the light ready to be taken over. Looking behind your back, just to make sure he was gone, you pulled out a collection of stickers—Sanrio characters, kittens, candy, and the most important ‘I love my girlfriend’ sticker. You were about to press it onto the bike, and you felt a sudden yank on your wrist. 

You yelped as Takiishi's grip tightened, his serious stare making you shiver despite the hot temperature. Uh-oh. You were caught red-handed, with him having that serious stare that meant he wasn't in a good mood. 

"Ta-da!" is all you could have managed to say, voice nervously cracking as you stuck the girlfriend sticker on the bike anyway. The mission failed successfully. But despite that, you knew he was angry, mad even. You knew because his grip on your wrist was getting tighter, and it hurt. "Chika, I-I'm sorr–" you started, and the way his eyes told you he was trying to balance the lines between anger and indifference. Yet, to your surprise, he released you not before he glanced at the peeling sticker and calmly pressed it back on.

You were on the border between the people who stood in his way and those he had to eliminate. Just like a sticker, you had a beautiful design but you won't be peeling out soon from him.

"Ask next time." you blinked at his strange reaction, more so the way he calmly collected his tools and put them in the box. "Huh?" is all you could mutter when he was done and stood up in front of you, and you were slowly melting like the ice cream on the ground.

"Ask me next time." he put something on your cheek before he went back inside and you went to check yourself on his bike mirror. It was a pink heart sticker covered in flames. You were the one who always teased him and did whatever you wanted, and once again he beat you at your own game. Takiishi Chika always wins, no matter who he's up against, and he will do everything for you even if he doesn't voice it, he will prove it after you remove all the stickers of course.

"I removed everything," you muttered, disappointed that the bike was back to its plain burgundy state. You sighed, feeling a little defeated. This is what you get when trying to surprise someone like him with something like that. But much to his dismay he left only one sticker and it was ... 

"I love my boyfriend so much!" You couldn’t help but yell, kissing him on the cheek with an exaggerated and loud “mwah,” you jumped onto his back, wrapping your arms around him as he held your legs. He actually didn't care that you put stickers, he just didn't expect it to be that many. Takiishi showed he cared, even if he didn’t always say it out loud, but the glued label sure did.

taglist :: @kiurona @nyxypoo @17020 @stunies @maruflix @heartkaji @meidiary @slerixx @kazuhaiku

©2024 kaiser1ns do not copy, repost or modify my work

[margotw10bis]

The Place Before the Darkness.JJK [m] Part 1

husband!Jungkook x female reader

Genre: angst; fluff; smut; attempt of a thriller

Words: 18.4k

Synopsis: It was love at first sight with your husband but when you find a secret phone in Jungkook's office, everything shatters as you suspect him to have an affair. However, maybe he has deeper secrets...

Warnings: (a lot of) crying (infidelity doubts, lies); violence; unprotected sex; shower sex; oral sex (f. receiving); fingering; inspired by Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Killers

4 Years Ago

You can’t believe Mi-yeon is getting married! You want to laugh when you remember how many times she told you that marriage wasn’t for her. But there she is. And you would have never guessed that she was this romantic — or maybe it’s because of Hoseok, her soon-to-be-husband. 

As they wanted to do something special, they have invited their closest friends to Bali. The wedding will take place tomorrow in front of a beautiful beach, as perfect as the numerous romcom you’ve watched. It’s really romantic and you can’t wait to get married too because, even if you don’t really want to admit it, your hopelessly romantic weak heart is all about love and weddings and cheesy things couples can do. Well, you have to find a man first, which is not easy. 

After all, you only had one boyfriend, during college. You don’t know much about love despite the hundreds of romance books you have read. But even you know that Prince Charming doesn’t exist… With that thought in mind you sigh and sip on your — delicious — cocktail, hoping at least one day you’ll meet someone kind enough. You don’t need someone extraordinary who has lived a hundred lives before. Just someone who is honest with you, that would be more than enough for you. 

But for now, the bar of the hotel is great, just like the rest of the facilities, especially to forget how awfully lonely you are while your friend is getting married. You look around and you try to spot your friends, before you remember that they wanted to scuba dive. Too dangerous for you, you rather much enjoy tanning on the beach. Maybe you’re boring, but it’s a too stupid way to die in your opinion. And what about the sharks? The jellyfishes? The sea urchins? No thanks. A good book is funnier — and safer. 

Yet, the relaxing time you were expecting is fading away when a man takes the seat next to yours at the bar. Your breath hitches because damn! He looks good. You are not sure you’ve ever seen a man this handsome. He is tall and his black hair is shining. He looks casual with his Hawaiian shirt and his shorts. Okay, he must be very muscular because you can see how the fabric of his bottom held his thighs. And what is it on his right arm? Tattoos? It’s the first time you get to see so much ink in real life. It’s scary but… sexy. All of the stranger seems sexy. Especially his charming smile. 

You’re having a hard time not staring at him but what can you say? It’s not easy taking your eyes off of him. He is attractive, too attractive. It’s in moments like that you wish you had more confidence so you could talk to him but at the same time, would someone like him be interested in you? You have no doubts he just has to clap his fingers for a dozen of women to be naked in front of him. And yet…

"No scuba diving?" He asks you

You are surprised — it’s an understatement — because how the hell does he know that?! But you can’t say anything when you meet his eyes. They are so black, it’s intimidating but there is a sparkle of playfulness in them. This man is a paradox: all seems mysterious and comfortable at the same time; cold and warm; distant and kind. However, a weird feeling embraces you, just like you’ve known him all your life. Is it… love at first sight? You’ve read about it, you’ve seen it in movies but experiencing it… Wow, it’s an all other level. 

"I saw you and your group of friends yesterday at the restaurant, and this morning, I spotted them heading to the boats" He explains — your shock must have been well visible 

"You have a great memory to remember so much about strangers" You joke 

“Selective memory in fact”  He corrects with a oh-so-charming smile and you literally feel your heart melt and your cheeks burn “And I’m particularly attentive to beautiful women"

This sentence could make you ill-at-ease, it’s such a playboy thing. But the way he is sipping on his fresh beer so casually and his eyes… So honest. You must be crazy because you feel like he hasn’t said those words to anyone else but you which it’s impossible. Like you said before: dozens of women must be at his feet. 

"I—It’s—"  

Okay, it’s so embarrassing to stutter in front of him, especially when he seems to be confident — but could he not when he looks this good. You can’t do otherwise and it doesn’t help that you are blushing. 

"I’m Jungkook" He introduces himself, holding his hand to you

You take it, and gosh… How can holding someone’s hand feel so right? If those stupid books are right, maybe it’s what love at first sight is. 

"Y/N" You gulp 

Sweet smiles are exchanged, someway conveying silent promises and confessions. A weird sensation. A good sensation. Jungkook seems to be everything you’re looking for in a man and it’s quite overwhelming. Unfortunately for you, when you’re stressed, you talk nonsense and you don’t have time to shut your mouth. 

“I’m afraid of being strangled by an octopus” You say out of the blunt to get back to his first words and you watch in horror surprise lightens up his face “That’s why I didn’t go scuba diving. But I’m okay, I read. Maybe it doesn’t look too exciting to read while you’re in Bali but I really enjoy it, especially this book about a princess who escapes the castle to live with the squire but it turns out that he lied to her and he is actually the last son of the foe kingdom and he had a mission of kidnapping the princess. It’s not as stupid as it sounds. I know that my friend Mi-yeon (she is getting married tomorrow) says that I should stop reading those novels but I think dreaming a little is not that bad, right? Do you dream?” You know how stupid you sound and you want to slap you in the face

Jungkook eases you with his sweet smile and you fall even more for him. 

"Can I invite you for diner?" He asks and you have to pinch your arm to make sure you are not dreaming 

Is this handsome guy seriously asking you out? You? You have seen beautiful women since you arrived, way more beautiful than you so why? Maybe it’s a mistake but this mistake might be your only chance to spend time with Jungkook. You just can’t take your eyes off of him and you don’t care if it lasts one night, one week or only one second. You know it deep down, he already has all of your heart and it only took him one minute.

Later that day, you took extra care on your makeup and you choose one of your favorite dresses, a satin white dress with thin straps — thanks to your light tan, the color fits better than usual. You even had to call Mi-yeon for advice about your hair: letting it loose or tightening it into a bun? Your friend choose the bun — the argument about avoiding hair in your mouth during diner convinced you. 

You really, really hope that your makeup conceals your blushed cheeks — it can’t do anything for your pounding heart. It’s actually strange because you do feel stressed about this date — you can’t believe it’s a date! — but you also feel like it’s the most natural thing ever to meet Jungkook. 

A wave of comfort wraps around you when you spot Jungkook at one of the tables of the walls-free restaurant. The setting is really romantic. The only lighting comes from a multitude of candles, warmly licking the wooden columns. The structure is framed with light and white curtains flying around with the light breeze coming from the near beach. 

Yes, it’s gorgeous but you can’t enjoy it. All you can see is him. Just him with his black hair styled backwards, but it’s natural since a lock of hair falls on his forehead. He is perfect in his white shirt that holds his brawn chest. And his damn smile… It could kill. The way Jungkook is looking at you and is smiling at you, it makes your heart stops — or pounds at a crazy pace, you don’t know. 

On the other hand, Jungkook’s heart is not better. You look stunning. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen. You are breathtaking in your dress and he wonders why he is feeling like that. Fuck, he even doesn’t know what love is and yet, it can’t be anything else than that. One look, it’s all it took for him to love you. All he has believed in, all he has thought was the truth, all he has planned for his future, it’s all shattered. Maybe it should scare him but it doesn’t. He can’t be scared when he has met you, when you exist and you are in front of him. He swears that, if you are crazy enough to want him, you will wear a white dress soon, on your wedding day with him. 

"You are beautiful" He whispers, more for himself and for you, as he stands up to welcome you 

"You look great too" You reply with blushed cheeks 

You sit down and talk. All night long and it feels like ten minutes. You never get out of topics and the more he talks, the more you love him. He tells you that he is an architect, that he is actually here for work and that he is quite lonely — but he realized it only recently. You also learn that he lives in Seoul, like you, which makes you think that you could see each other when you both come back to South Korea. 

Despite the night going well, you can’t help but blathering on stupid and weird things like your neighbor’s dog that ate a pigeon once or the time the cashier wanted to sell you marijuana in the supermarket because you ‘looked miserable’ — to be fair it was just after your breakup but you left that part aside for Jungkook. Rather than looking at you like you were crazy, Jungkook seems charmed by your rambling. Maybe because he knows that it’s caused by your attraction to him. 

"Well" You say as Jungkook is walking you to your room "It was very nice"

Your hands brush from time to time and even if it’s a light touch, it electrifies you. You wish you can touch him more but you are too shy to do the first move. Jungkook has been sweet but he is so perfect that you wonder if you are good enough for him — funny when he wonders if he is good enough for you. 

You are disappointed when you reach your door. You should have lied and said that your room was on the other side of the hotel complex. You sigh and grab the magnetic card unlocking the door. The night is over and you are sad. You wish it could never end because you don’t want to let him go. You want to stay with him tonight, all nights actually. You have known him for a few hours but you don’t know how life is without him anymore. It’s crazy. 

"It was" Jungkook says softly 

Should you go? Yes, you should but you don’t want to. You ask your brain to look for anything to keep talking to him. Nothing comes to your mind so you stare at him, eyes locked into his beautiful, shining doe eyes. 

"I want to kiss you, if you allow me to"

You can’t believe that he says that so casually while your hearts is jumping in your chest. Is he used to this? Because you are certainly not. But who are you to deny him?

So you nod and your pounding heart echoes in your ears when Jungkook steps closer. He gently cups your face and ever so slowly, presses his lips on yours. It’s sweet and kind and romantic and perfect. The best kiss ever, so you naturally want to feel him more. You wrap your arms around his neck and invite him to kiss you deeper. 

Despite being glued to each other, Jungkook doesn’t want to push too much. Especially because he doesn’t want it to be the only time he kisses you. He wants to do it everyday, for the rest of his life. If he didn’t know it before, your mouth on his assures it. 

He pulls back and rests his forehead against yours while you are catching your breath. Both the kiss and the explosion of emotions that it brings left you breathless. You are in trouble: you are irreparably in love with him. 

"Y/N" God, your name has never sounded so good "Can I take you on a date? When we are in Korea?" 

—————

“Can I call you back?” You ask through the phone but actually don’t wait for any answer and just hang up

You were searching some documents for the assurance in your husband’s office when you found it. A phone. At first, you tried to look for some rational explanations of why your husband would hide a phone in his desk. It could be an old devise but you have never seen it before. Moreover, it’s quite a recent phone. So, your next thought was that it could be a professional phone. And you wished it was. But it wasn’t. 

The latest text, from yesterday, was an address. A hotel address. It was an appointment for tomorrow. Your heart sunk as you went through the convo: over and over again, the same hotel room with different dates and hours. For four months. 

So this is it. Your husband is cheating on you. You can’t stop your crying because the pain in your chest is just unbearable. You have to open the window because you can’t breathe, your lungs seem too small all of the sudden. You thought that Jungkook was the love of your life when you married him three years ago. And even now, with your broken heart, you still believe he is. You haven’t thought about living without him, it can’t be possible. 

When you hear the front door and your husband asking if you’re home, your sobbing gets lourder and  you have to put your hand on your mouth to mutter it. The steps you know so well — just like you thought you knew your husband so well — are getting closer and closer. Jungkook calls you again but doesn’t receive any answer. He heads to your bedroom but finds it empty. He frowns, growing worried because he knows you should be home. Then, he hears some fainted noises coming from the corridor. He concentrates and spots that the noises are located in his office. When he pushed the door, he didn’t think he would find you crying in his leather chair. The biggest tears he has seen since he knows you.

“What’s going on”’ He hastily asks you, panicked that you might be hurt 

And you are indeed. You are feeling so much pain that you wonder how your heart hasn’t stop beating of how squeezed it has become. 

“I can’t believe it…” You whisper, more to yourself than to him

Once again, your husband frowns but only a second. Because his big does eyes widen at the sight of his secret device in your shaky hand. All his blood is drained from his face, making his skin look pale. He gulps but his throat feels as dry as a desert. 

“I can explain” He starts but his voice is already broken 

Why do his words hurt even more? They sound so much like what you have witnessed in movies. You close your eyes in a ridiculous attempt to prevent the hurricane from happening but it’s already too late. It’s four months too late. 

“Y/N, I swear, it’s not what you think” Jungkook beseeches as he steps closer but you hold your hand up to stop him

“So you don’t go to those rendezvous in that hotel?” You ask

Your voice has some hope in it, like you still think there is a tiny chance that your husband is not cheating on you. But a single glance at him and at his guilty face is enough to definitely break this hope. How can you know him this much and not at all at the same time? 

Your crying breaks the heavy silence around you. Every single tear is killing Jungkook. He doesn’t know what to do but he absolutely hates seeing you suffer. And he hates even more being the reason of it. He feels all your pain like his own. He feels your heart breaking in his own chest. Three years ago, at your wedding, he promised you to punish all the persons who would hurt you. Today, he might have to punish himself. 

“Please, believe me, I’m not cheating on you” He begs

He wishes you’d look him in the eyes so you could see how much he loves you but you can’t. You can’t look at him without feeling like dying. Your soul is being torn apart so roughly — mainly because you haven’t imagined that Jungkook would ever do that. Your husband is perfect. When you talk with your friends and tell them about the flowers he bought you, or the restaurant he took you just because you said that you saw an ad on social medias, they always envy you to have such a caring and loving husband. When your friends cry about being cheated on, you always tell yourself that you’re lucky that you won’t ever live that. 

And here you are. 

“So what are those messages, Jungkook? Who asks you to meet at the hotel?!” You ask and yell and cry at the same time 

You are confused, angry and sad. You don’t know what to think and Jungkook either. He doesn’t say anything that it’s driving you crazy. Why doesn’t he deny? Why doesn’t he say that all those texts are a misdial? Why doesn’t he tell you he loves you? 

Every second of silence takes away a piece of your broken heart. 

"I’m sorry…” Jungkook finally says

It’s the worst thing he could say. Because now it’s real. It’s too much real. Someway, you wish he has lied, denied anything and told you that you misread the situation. Maybe you could have gone on with your life. But he said he’s sorry. So everything is true. Now, you can’t hold on an irrational explanation because it’s fucking true! 

You run pass though him and it hurts a little more that Jungkook doesn’t even try to stop you. You leave your house like you wish you could leave the pain behind. 

You spend the night at your friend’s. You try to cry yourself to sleep but you can’t. The pain in your chest keeps you up all night and it gets worse every time you imagine your husband and an unknown woman in this hotel room. Aren’t you enough? Did you change? Did you get boring? You didn’t even see the signs, Jungkook seemed as happy as ever. Your sex life didn’t decrease so you wonder if it has ever been enough for your husband. You try to look at the past four months and spot out the little changes but everything was the same! Maybe even better. Jungkook is such a great actor because you would have never imagined he would have a double life. 

—————

You stare at the ceiling of your friend’s guest room. You want to empty your mind but your heart is too painful to ignore and it reminds you of Jungkook. Ever since you have met him, he has filled your soul, brain and heart. It’s just impossible not to. But right now, you wish you could just forget everything, especially the day you saw him for the first time, four years ago. 

You did spend the night crying but you also thought. Maybe your marriage is not over. Maybe there is still hope. You could forgive Jungkook. You could if it means you’ll get to be with him. You’ll talk about it, he’ll promise to not see her ever again and you’ll push this painful episode aside so you can follow up with your life together as before. 

But before that, you have to make sure that Jungkook won’t attend his date today. You saw on the phone yesterday that he was expected at six pm in the same hotel. He is not stupid enough to go after that his wife found out about his affair, right? If he loves you, and he does, he won’t go. Right? 

But if he does go, then it means there is no hope left. It’s all over. And you’re not sure you’ll survive it. 

So you don’t really know why you’re in the hotel lobby. You keep telling yourself that Jungkook loves you and that you trust him but you’re still here. You have never been more stressed in all your 28 year-old life. You look at your watch every ten seconds. You almost sigh in relief when 6:01 is written on your wrist, like you find yourself so damn stupid to have thought that Jungkook would show up. 

But he does. As he walks toward the elevator, looking as good as ever in his black suit, he tramples on your poor heart at each step. He enters the elevator and disappears behind the metallic doors. It’s all over. Jungkook is flying away with your heart, your love, your soul and pretty much your whole life. It’s so painful that you feel empty. It’s a dull ache in your whole body and there is nothing you can do about it. Your husband didn’t chose you while you would have chosen him a hundred times. 

Your body moves automatically as you are heading to the bar of the hotel. You hate that he has chosen such a luxury hotel to cheat on you. Does she deserve all this? You hate her. You hate him. You hate how he hurt you. But mostly, you hate that you don’t hate him. Even after breaking your heart, you still love him. 

When the bartender hands you your order, you scoff. You didn’t even realized that you ordered a wapplesky, a apple and whiskey cocktail, your husband’s favorite. Your eyes water when you take your first sip and you wish you could blame it on the bitterness of the alcohol. 

You feel the presence of a man next to you. At first, you thought it was Jungkook because of the black suit the man is wearing. But it’s not him. However, the man is really, really handsome. His brown hair matches his brown eyes. His nose is straight and flawless. And you can tell he is muscular underneath his clothes. Yes, he looks really good but you can’t help comparing him with Jungkook and he doesn’t stand a chance. Will you think that about all the men you’ll meet? If so, maybe you won’t ever be able to love again. 

You swallow the rest of your glass and the stranger takes the opportunity to talk to you, or to flirt with you actually. 

“Can I get you another one?" His voice is charming, soft and deep

You do appreciate how soothing it is. But should you accept the offer? Well, Jungkook is probably fucking another woman right now so… 

“Yes, thank you” You try to sound cheerful 

“Jackson, by the way” The man introduces himself and you do the same 

You both start talking and oddly enough, you don’t feel as bad as before. Maybe your pride gets a little restored at the thought of flirting with the another man when your husband has been cheating on you for four months. 

“So, you’re visiting Seoul?” Jackson asks at some point 

“No, actually I live here”

“So, what are you doing in a hotel?” His question is nothing but curiosity but it brings a huge weight into your chest that makes you wince 

Should you tell him? Won’t you be embarrassed? Maybe but your whole life is already upside down so it can’t be worse. 

"Actually, my husband is here” Instinctively, Jackson’s eyes land on your ring that he hasn’t noticed before, way too distract by your beautiful yet sad eyes “With another woman”

Jackson is taken aback, not sure what to say but you help him by asking:

“What am I doing here when he obviously doesn’t care about me?”

Your voice breaks at the end of your sentence. Your tears escape your eyes. You honestly don’t believe that the pain will ever go away, it’s just too much. 

“It’s never stupid to do things out of love”

You look up at Jackson, surprised by his comforting words. He truly looks like a good man. His warm hand gently squeezes yours on the desk bar and he gives you a soft smile. He does look cute like that, completely at the opposite of the sexy and charismatic man he is when his handsome face is neutral. 

You squeeze his hand back to silently thank him and his thumb caresses the back of your hand. You almost moan when it takes off the unbearable weight off of your chest for a second. For all the people around you, your interaction seems intimate. You are indeed pretty close to each other and the tenderness in your both eyes could be interpreted as a heavy flirting. Your touching hands are puzzling. 

Especially for Jungkook. As he walked through the lobby, he spotted you in the open bar. He can’t be wrong, he‘d recognize you in a thousand-people crowd. But what the hell are you doing with this man? Who is he? And why is he fucking holding your hand? Jungkook feels his jaws and fists clench as he walks to you with a dark and dangerous aura around him. He swears, he could kill the man touching his wife. 

Jungkook moves quickly and precisely as he grabs Jackson’s arm and twists it against his back in an professional armlock. Jackson hisses in pain and you gasp in shock. 

“Don’t fucking touch her!” Jungkook barks

“Jungkook, stop! Are you crazy?!” You shout as you try to push him

Your strength is nothing compared to your husband’s but as he feels your hands on his tensed forearms, he releases his hold and frees the man. 

“Oh my god, Jackson, are you okay?” You ask, worried, which only makes Jungkook angrier — why do you care about that guy in the first place? 

“Yeah, don’t worry” Jackson reassures you while massaging his sore arm and shoulder

“What is wrong with you?” You yell at your husband 

“Am I supposed to let another man touch and flirt with my wife?” Jungkook talks back, clearly upset 

You can’t believe his audacity! He has been cheating on you for four months and even after you found out, he went to see his mistress! You scoff, not even caring to respond. He is pathetic. You grab your bag and Jackson’s hand before heading towards the elevators. Both men follow you, completely flabbergasted by your actions. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” Jungkook asks but you ignore him 

“You have a room right?” You talk to Jackson and he nods “Then, we’re going to have sex” 

The doors of the elevators open and you push Jackson inside but your husband gets in too. 

“What the fuck?!” He yells and you ignore him once again “You’re not doing that!”

“Why not? Didn’t you do it just now?” You reply 

“No, I didn’t! I told you I didn’t cheat on you"

“So why are you here ?!” You yell 

“I can’t tell you but I swear, I’m not cheating on—“

Jungkook stops talking as he perceives a movement at his peripheral vision. Jackson has pulled a shiv out of his inside suit pocket and Jungkook blocks it only a inch away from his stomach. However, he receives a punch in his ribs that makes him wince but he doesn’t have time to think and roughly pushes Jackson again the wall. The impact is so violent that the elevator shakes a little and that Jackson drops his knife. Jungkook’s body immediately tensed in the small room and his eyes darken, just like he was ready to kill someone. 

Jackson fights back and punches Jungkook in the face while your husband crushes Jackson’s ankle with his foot. The brown haired man falls down with a growl, which allows Jungkook to take the avantage. He throws numerous punches in Jackson’s face until his nose and lips bleed, mixing with his own cut knuckles. The last remained forces abandon Jackson who faints. 

Jungkook is panting and you’re just shocked about what just happened. Everything was so fast and you’ve never seen your husband like that. He is sweet and he doesn’t even want to kill a spider! And now he is punching strangers?! What the hell is going on?! 

You’re pressed against a corner and your husband immediately walks to you, his eyes already softer when they land on you. 

“Are you hurt, baby?” He asks, quite panicked 

“Is-is he dead?” Your voice, just like your whole body, is shaky 

"No, just unconscious” Jungkook says nonchalantly, he doesn’t give a shit about Jackson, he only cares about you “Did he hurt you? Tell me, I swear I’ll kill him”

When you shake your head, unable to make any sound, your husband hugs you. Fuck, he was so afraid to hurt you during the fight. He acted by instinct but his mind was worried sick about you. He actually hates that you have witnessed this side of him. Jungkook’s dark part is, in fact, really dark and violent but it’s not the real him. The real him is the one he is with you: a loving husband. 

When he is sure you’re okay, physically at least, he knees down to rummage in Jackson’s pockets. He almost shouts of joy when he finds his key room. At that exact moment, the elevator doors opens and he grabs your hand to guide you towards the room. He presses the magnetic card on the knob and carefully enters. He makes sure it’s empty before pulling you in. 

“Can you explain what’s going on?”

“Not right now, but I promise” Jungkook kisses your forehead and starts searching the room. He checks the desk, the wardrobe, the bed, the bathroom but, as he expected, no clue. He sighs and runs his bruised inked hand in his raven hair. 

“What are you looking for?” You ask

“A phone. Or computer, something electronic” He answers as he turns around to think about where it could be

“Did you check the headboard?” 

Your husband looks at you with awe eyes and he swears he loves you even more. He listens to you and, as always, you were right. A phone was indeed hidden behind the headboard. He makes sure to turn it off and you leave the room. 

—————

"Can you explain now?" You grow frustrated in Jungkook’s car 

Your husband sighs and makes his raven hair messier with his hand. You know it means he is deeply in thoughts. Several reasons explain why Jungkook has secrets: first, it’s the normal protocol. Second, he loves you and he is afraid you’ll see him differently. He is afraid you’ll run away. However, since you found out his phone and believed he was cheating on you, he has already begun to loose you. The night you spent at your friend’s almost killed him. 

"I can’t tell you much" He finally says

"Why did you punch Jackson? And where did you learn to fight like that? Did you take boxing classes?" Your questions are as confused as you are

Your husband was a completely different person in this elevator and you’re not sure you liked who he was. You fell in love with an ever so sweet man who told you that he didn’t like conflict and who always stops people from fighting when they’re angry. And now he is throwing punches at strangers?

"Didn’t you see he was trying to kill me? What was I supposed to do?"

"But why would he do that?! It doesn’t make any sense, you’re a good husband, a good neighbor and a good architect"

You watch Jungkook’s fists tighten on the wheel, the knuckles turning white despite their bruises. His gaze is desperately on the road and you know he is avoiding your eyes. Something’s off…

"You’re… an architect, right?" Your voice is low and unsure, almost a whisper 

Jungkook’s silence is a confession. 

"Oh my god! You lied to me"

"I’m sorry, I couldn’t tell you the truth" He tries to take your hand but you resist

"Stop the car"

"No, listen to me—"

"Stop the freaking car!" You yell 

"We’re on the fucking freeway, I can’t stop the car!" 

You can’t believe that Jungkook lied to you about his job! For four years you’ve known him! How could he do that? He goes to work every morning and you ask about his day and he tells you lies every single day! 

"So, what’s your job?" You question, arms crossed on your chest which makes your husband’s heart squeeze because you only do that when you’re deeply disappointed 

"I can’t tell you" He looks at you but you don’t so he continues with his usual soft voice that you would like to hate right now "I’m not an architect, my job is… a little more physical"

"Do you have other lies? Please tell me because I’m not sure I can handle other secrets later"

Your eyes are full of tears now. Your life is a whole mess and it only took 24 hours to become one. You’re tired, you’re sad, you’re scared and the adrenaline rush has disappeared, leaving you in a very fragile mindset. Honestly, you’re close to a mental breakdown. 

Jungkook winces, he has a lot of secrets. But he knows that you need to know, maybe not all of them but some parts. 

"I lost my parents when I was 10" He drops the bomb

"But, they were at our wedding…" You respond, completely shocked 

"I hired actors" He confesses, leaving your mouth open in astonishment

Well, it was suspicious that you got so well with your mother-in-law and that she didn’t insist to spend Christmas with you… 

"What else?" You ask after a few silent seconds but you’re not sure you can take it, it’s like your whole life is lie or more exactly your husband’s life is a lie 

"I have guns"

"What?!’ You look at him, baffled ‘In our house?"

Jungkook nods. What the hell? You don’t even know what you say anymore. This is insane. It must be some kind of joke or prank or something. 

"Are we married? Like legally married or this is just another big lie?"

"What? Of course we’re married! I didn’t lie when I asked you to marry me and I don’t lie when I say I love you, baby" You hate that you love how his voice gets more gentle when he says that

In this hurricane, your husband’s words soothe everything. It’s like if he loves you, then nothing else matters. He grabs your hand and this time, you don’t take it away. Jungkook leads your left hand to his face and kisses your wedding ring, maybe the only true thing in his life. Two days ago, you were dead certain you knew everything about your husband but right now, he looks like a complete stranger. 

Jungkook parks the car in your house’s alley. You don’t leave the car just yet and look at your home. It’s the perfect one: three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a huge kitchen, an office for your husband — but you don’t know why now — and a cute garden with a lot of flowers. Everything is perfect, your life with your husband in it is perfect. But it’s a big lie. There are freaking guns hidden in your own home and you didn’t even know! Oh my god, what if you had children and they found them and get hurt? 

"I have to do some stuff in my office but I promise that you can ask all of the questions you want after that, okay baby?" Jungkook says in your entryway that usually make your friends jealous

Jungkook is looking straight into your eyes and you can’t help loving his doe eyes, even though they’re a little more worried than normally. You nod and your husband kisses your forehead. It’s not like usual, it’s longer and deeper, like he was afraid it was the last time. To be true, Jungkook is terrified that he’ll loose you. You’re the only good thing in his life and he loves you more than anything. It was love at first sight, and the way your stress made you do and say embarrassing things — as much as you thought he’ll just run away in the middle of your first date — made him in fall in love with you. Ever since then, he has been down on his knees for you and he won’t ever be able to stand up. 

He heads to his office and grabs the phone that started all this mess. He dials a number he knows well before an electronic voice asks him to identify himself. 

"Osmium 1-3-0-6" 

Some ring tone echoes his Jungkook’s ear as he is waiting for someone to take the call. A familiar female voice starts speaking. 

"Osmium 1-3-0-6, your mission has just begun, I doubt it’s already over"

"I had a problem" Jungkook winces when he remembers Jackson holding your hand, anger boiling in his veins 

"What kind of problem?" The operator asks quite unfazed, it’s not like she didn’t know Jungkook and he has the tendency to have, or create himself, problems 

"An agent, not ours. I took his phone, I send you his electronic chip, possibly encrypted and dangerous" Jungkook pursues as he grabs his computer and inserts the chip in his devise 

"I took control over your computer to check"

After a few minutes, the operator speaks again. 

"Well, looks like someone wanted to end you"

If the female takes it as a joke because Jackson was obviously a rookie agent, Jungkook is not laughing at all. He doesn’t really care about being a target, it’s not the first time and definitely not the last either, but you… it’s different. And there are photos of you in the field. You’re his wife but he has made sure to erase all the informations regarding you so only people he knows personally would know he’s married. So why are you in the fucking field? The field that makes him a target and puts you in danger! 

His fists are clenching so much that his knuckles crack again and bleed. Wrath makes him shake and he is afraid he’d crushed the phone in his hand. 

"Why are there photos of my wife?" He asks with gritted teeth 

"It doesn’t look like she was the target. Maybe the other agency wanted to have as many as informations they could get"

"Find them" He orders before hanging up

He needs to calm down because he could kill someone. You were with a fucking agent who knew you, who could have hurt you just to get to him. Jungkook promised you to protect you and he wasn’t lying because God knows he has the abilities for that but now… Things are different. He is the one who makes you in danger. He is angry toward life, toward his job and toward himself. When he told his agency he was getting married, they did ask him to think about it, that it was not very smart, that someday you could be a target. But he was cautious and made sure that no one would ever know you exist. 

Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was too selfish because he knew that he was putting you in danger and he still married you because he loved you. You should have married another man, a boring yet normal man who would never had your photo in a fucking agent’s target field. 

When Jungkook is about to break down, he walks to your ensuite bathroom. He storms in, takes off his clothes so fast and abruptly that he almost rips off the fabric and enters the shower. He lets the cold water running off down his tensed body. He feels so much anger that the blood in his veins is boiling despite the coldness of the water. He closes his eyes and pushes his head under the water stream. His palms are laying flat against the shower wall. 

You, on the other hand, have witnessed your husband’s actions. You have never seen him like that, like he is about to break. Honestly, it’s painful to watch and you’re not sure what to do. Yes, he lied to you but you love him. And one thing is sure: he loves you too. You feel it every time he kisses you, hugs you, makes love to you. You feel it every single time he is looking at you. He can’t be an as good actor. 

"Jungkook?" You call him as you enter the bathroom too 

You see your beautiful husband in the shower. His body is so perfect: strong thighs, defined abs, brawny chest, large shoulders and muscular arms. His tattoo sleeve only makes him more attractive. However, he looks defeated and he doesn’t even seem to notice you. Your heart squeezes in your chest but not for the same reason as before: it hurts because he is hurting. Jungkook seems so down, you don’t even know what to do. 

So you take off your own clothes and join him in the shower. You gasp a little when you feel the chilly water. Your whole body shivers and goosebump grows on your skin. You step closer until you hug your husband from behind. You press your cheek against his large back and your arms are wrapped around his torso. You gently caress him with your fingertips and only then, Jungkook snaps back to reality and notices you. 

"You’re gonna be cold, leave" He seems to order but his voice is just broken 

"I’m staying" You simply respond as you peck his back

Jungkook grabs your left hand, the diamond ring is shining with the light and the water drops. Fuck, he loves you so much. He turns the thermostatic mixer to have some hot water. Then, he turns around and grabs your cheeks. The way he is looking at you is so overwhelming that a tear rolls down your cheek. 

"Kiss me" You whisper, feeling that if he doesn’t, you might die

So he does. He kisses you like it’s your first and last kiss. It’s the most romantic, sensual, soft and deep kiss ever. It’s a kiss that has a hundred of meanings, the main one is how much Jungkook loves you. 

His tongue finds its way into your mouth and your hands run through his soaked hair. Your husband’s arms secure you against his body by wrapping around your waist. His warm and large palms are rolling up and down your back and you feel his member getting harder against your lower belly. A sweet moan escapes your lips when Jungkook’s mouth dives into your neck. His kisses are as wet as the water stream and your pussy. Your own hands press him closer. 

When his inked hand squeezes you ass, you gasp. Your cunt clenches around nothing and you need him. Maybe Jungkook can read your mind, or maybe he just knows you so well because his other hand makes its way to your crotch. He growls when he feels your arousal dripping from your pussy. His expert fingers slide upon your folds, collecting your wetness to rub your clit. 

Your head rolls back and you moan loudly. You don’t really know what’s going on but it feels like the very first time you are being touched. Maybe all the emotions you’ve felt lately make your body more sensitive. 

Jungkook enters you with two fingers but still takes care of your swollen bud with his thumb. He is way too good with his hands. He knows how to touch you, he knows how to make you feel good. His cock is now completely hard and you take it in your hand. It feels thick and heavy as you gently jerk him off. The precum dripping from its tip and the water of the shower smooth your movements. You apply the right pressure on his dick and work a little more on his sensitive tip like you know he loves. And if you didn’t know it yet, the way your husband gently bites on your shoulder to suppress a moan proves it to you. 

Your husband’s digits are moving faster and deeper into your cunt, curling to hit your sweet spot. You are close and Jungkook knows it too thanks to your tightening walls. He captures your mouth with his own. Your moans are mixing with your tongues as you work on his dick and he enters you with his long, thick yet delicate fingers. Your body starts to shake and your orgasm washes over you. Your scream is directly swallowed by your husband and his arm is wrapped tighter around your waist to support you. 

He slides his digits off your cunt, and you wince. You need more, you need him, even after the beautiful orgasm he gave you. Right now, you feel like everything won’t ever be enough because your love for him is taking everything around you. 

Jungkook frees your lips, now red and swollen, to look into your eyes. A mix of lust and love adores your beautiful eyes and he knows he’ll keep this image in his head for the rest of his life. The way he is feeling for you right now will last forever. 

He gives you a last kiss before turning you around so your chest is pressed against the tile. The cold material against your burning skin makes you shiver and wetter. Jungkook takes the time to appreciate the sight: you’re so beautiful. The most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Your back is arched, giving him a great view on your ass and glistening pussy. His dick throbs when he notices your cunt clenching around nothing, just like it was begging him to stuff it. 

He caresses your asscheeks with his tattooed hand, teasing you while you’re already on the edge of loosing your mind. 

"Please, honey, fuck me" You beg him

He gulps like a teenager before his first time and guides his fat cock towards your entrance. Your wetness feels divine on his tip and he has no difficulty to just slide deep into your cunt. The pornographic moan you offer him is music to his ears. He can feel your velvet walls clenching around him like a warm blanket. You were made for him and he was made for you. He pushes even deeper into you, until his pelvis is hardly pressed against your ass. You gasp as you feel him so deep. He is touching your limits and it feels so good. 

When your husband starts moving, he is soft first, building up the tension. Your groans are like pleas to fuck you harder. 

"You’re are so beautiful, so perfect, you don’t even know it" He tells you as he kisses your shoulder 

The way your walls clench makes him know that the compliments touch you, but he said it because it’s true. You can’t imagine how beautiful you are for him. So he wants to make you feel it. His pace enhances and soon, skin flapping sounds fill the air. His hands are deep into the flesh of your hips to keep you still while he is fucking you hard and fast. Your own fists clench on the shower wall and you’re loosing your mind. Your tits are bouncing fast due to his harsh humping. 

"Oh my god!" You scream at a specially rough dick stroke that makes your eyes roll

Jungkook’s strong inked arm snakes around your frame to press you against his chest, squeezing your jolting boobs at the same time. His cock is now directly hitting your g-spot and it feels so good you’re not sure you’re still alive. His other forearm secures your lower belly and his digits find your already sensitive clit. Your delicate body, completely hugged by him, while he is deep inside you is the most beautiful moment of his life. 

"I love you so much, Y/N" He groans in your ear

One of your hand holds onto his right tattooed arm — the contrast between your two skins is striking because you look so pure compared to him — while the other is still supporting you on the tile. Your husband is providing you so much pleasure that you might be in heaven. Messy moans that look like his name escape your open mouth. You feel him everywhere on and in you. His big dick is stretching you perfectly and his fingers rubbing your clit are delightful. Your legs start shaking and you know you’ll cum soon.

"I love you too, more than anything" You moan

Jungkook fucks you even harder as he feels your pussy tighten around him. He won’t last long either but he just wants to make you cum. He fucks you like it was the last time. He kisses your throat, marking you to leave a memory for later. His hand grabs your left tit, pinching your sensitive nipple before taking it entirely in his large palm. He can feel your erratic heartbeat and his own chest is filled with pride that it’s beating for him. He is so damn lucky to be loved by you. 

"Cum for me baby" His voice is weak, almost begging you

Your husband’s name leaves your mouth in a broken scream as you cream his dick. Jungkook’s arms tighten around you to support your shaking body. The wave of pleasure is so high that white dots paints your vision. Your head rolls back to rest on his strong shoulder. His thick cock is still pounding into your throbbing cunt and the overstimulation almost kills you with pleasure. 

"Please, fill me up" You ask Jungkook

It’s what he needed to release himself deep inside you. You feel his dick palpitating and his hot cum in your pussy. The way he growls you name as he reaches his high looks like a love confession. 

You are both panting but you don’t want to move. You want to stay like that forever. This moment is perfect because the air is full of love, protecting you from whatever is happening outside your bubble. 

But the bubble busts when your husband pulls off of you, leaving you empty in more than one way. You panic when you turn around and don’t witness his usual soft features. His face is tensed and his jaws clenched. You grow worried when you can’t read his dark eyes. 

He steps out of the shower without warning and the air immediately freezes around you. What is going on? You basically run after him, not caring about being naked or dripping wet. Your throat turns dry when you see him throwing some clothes into a travel bag. 

"What are you doing?" You manage to ask 

Jungkook doesn’t answer and pursues his mission. Your body refuses to move when all you want to do is to throw away his stupid bag through the window. 

"Are-are you leaving me?" Your voice sounds so hurt and broken that Jungkook has to fight everything in him not to hug you and promise you that he will always love you

He still doesn’t say anything but the travel bag is now full and your husband has put some clothes on. The worst thing is that he is not looking at you. Why is he not looking at you? Why is he not saying that you’re insane to ever think he would leave you? Your heart is pounding in your chest so loud that it mutters all the other sounds around you. 

It’s when Jungkook takes his first step towards your bedroom door that you force your body to move. You grab on his forearm like a lifeline. Well, it pretty is: your life without him doesn’t make any sense. 

"Please, don’t" You’re sobbing even louder than when you found his secret phone "Please, Jungkook"

The way you beg him is killing him. He doesn’t trust his mouth — sometimes it’s way too connected to his heart. So he just frees his arm from your holding and he can see your heart breaking. 

"We can talk, or not" You say between your crying

It’s not a pretty cry. Your tears are so big that they deform your beautiful face. And your throat is so tight that it hurts, even more with your hiccups. 

"I promise I won’t ask any question, I won’t say anything" You speak so fast that you don’t have time to think but you just don’t want him to leave "We can start again, we can move out. I love you, I love you so much. My whole heart is for you, I already gave it to you so I need you close to live! Please, I’m begging you, don’t leave me"

Jungkook’s jaws clench and his holding tightens on his bag. He doesn’t want to see you broken, your voice is enough, but he knows he needs to. He holds on the thought that it’s the right thing to do, that it’s the only solution because with him, you’re in danger. He won’t survive if something happens to you. 

"Then, I give your heart back so you won’t need me. Take care, Y/N" His tone is so cold yet broken and it leaves you breathless 

Jungkook leaves the room at the same time he is leaving you. You fall on the floor, the sound almost makes him look back to check on you but he doesn’t. He knows that if he does, he won’t be able to leave you to protect you. Your cryings are like agonizing screams and it’s the last thing Jungkook hears when he closes the front door. 

—————

It’s been three days and Jungkook hasn’t slept yet. He can’t. Every time he closes his eyes, he sees your face twisted by incommensurable pain. The bags under his eyes are almost as dark as his irises. He keeps telling himself that it was the right thing to do but he misses you like crazy. 

He takes a sip on his fourth or fifth cup of coffee — he didn’t count. The waitress of the coffee shop steps closer once again to ask if he wants anything to eat but Jungkook declines. The poor girl gives up on her flirting. Jungkook doesn’t even notice that she is attracted by him — to be true, he never notices other women than you — and he doesn’t understand why the waitress would try to flirt with him when he looks like a mess. He hasn’t washed his messy hair, he hasn’t shaved and the hood of his black oversized hoodie covers pretty much all of his face. 

When his phone finally rings, he picks up immediately. 

“Hello?”

“Okay, I’ve got some infos” The operator speaks up “It looks like the agency has contacted a man named Kim Seokjin. Do you know him?”

Jungkook’s blood seems to freeze in his veins. He almost jumps on his feet and runs to his car. He doesn’t really understand what’s going on but if the woman on the phone speaks the truth, then you’re in danger. He can’t believe that he left you to protect you but put you in a greater danger instead. He has never driven this fast before but he doesn’t give a shit about the ticket. The pace of his heartbeats is insane and all he has in his mind is you. 

Your bed looks like an ocean of tissues. You have spent the last three days crying and crying and crying. Honestly, you don’t know how you still have some water left in your body. Your bed is too big and too cold without Jungkook but you couldn’t leave it because it still smells like him. You miss him so much that you could die. You’ve tried to repeat the last scene over and over again but you still don’t understand how you could have switched from such an intimate moment with your husband to the worst breakup in history in two minutes. 

Jungkook loves you, you know it. You don’t understand why he would leave you. Did you do something wrong? You shouldn’t have questioned him about his job or whatever. You should have kept your mouth shut. And you shouldn’t have looked for those stupid assurance documents in the first place. You’re so broken that you had almost called them to withdraw your contract. 

However, today, you have decided that something would change. You would wake up, shower, put some clothes on and act like nothing happened. You have to least pretend because you only have denial left to keep breathing. 

You’re in your kitchen — has it ever been so huge? —, cooking some random recipe. You picked the most time consuming one in the cooking book not to think about anything and you have to say that it is working pretty well. Until someone knocks on your door. You swipe your dirty hands on your apron before taking it off and open the door. As an automatism, you draw a welcoming smile on your face for your neighbor. 

“Hi, Seokjin! How can I help you?”

“I wanted to talk about the fence. You know, it’s getting out of control and my wife can’t stop talking about how your hedge is stepping on our garden” Your neighbor explains, visibly embarrassed 

“I’m sorry but you should discuss that with Jungkook, I don’t know anything about that”

“Oh, is he here?”

You wince at the pain in your chest but it’s now time to put out your best acting skills. A little lie for your neighbor can’t hurt, especially if you don’t want to be completely humiliated in your neighborhood. 

“No, he is on a work trip, I’m sorry” You lie “But, please, come in. I’ve made some fresh blueberries cupcakes. I’ll give you some for Aecha”

You step aside to welcome Seokjin in your home with your pretty smile. 

Jungkook arrives just in time to witness it. He jumps out of his car and runs to the backyard. He jumps upon your favorite flowers to join the backdoor. He needs to enter the house as quickly as possible. Just as he is stepping inside the kitchen, he hears your voices getting closer. He sneaks upstairs without making any noise. His heart is beating hard in his chest while he takes off five books of his bookshelf and reveals a vault. He wishes he had time to laugh at the irony of the code being your wedding date. He quickly grabs a gun and ammunitions. 

Your husband tries to get eyes on you but he only hears your voices. Seokjin is a damn good actor when Jungkook thinks you two have known him for two years now. Your husband can’t deny how stressed he is feeling at the idea of someone hurting you. 

“So, you’re all alone?” Seokjin asks you while you’re putting cupcakes in a big Tupperware box

You’re quite surprised by his question that is a little too personal. You don’t know him very well but maybe he is just trying to do the talking. 

“Yes but Jungkook will be back soon” 

You and Seokjin are at each side of your kitchen island, you facing the entrance hall and staircase that Seokjin has in his back. As you’re looking up to smile at him, your eyes are attracted by your husband making signs at you. He is pointing upstairs and his finger is against his mouth to tell  you to keep the secret. You don’t try to understand him, you don’t even seem to know him at all lately. He left you and now he is back and acts crazy…

“Uhm… Aecha lent me one of her books, let me grab it” You lie once again but you’re not sure to be such a good actress 

You leave your neighbor and head to the staircase. Your husband immediately grabs your waist when you’re out of Seokjin’s sight and makes you go on the second floor. 

“What are you doing here?" You whisper-yell 

You hate to be happy to see him while he left you heartbroken. He doesn’t look good with his tired face and it makes you want to kiss him. 

“Listen, I think Seokjin is not who we think he is” 

“What are you talking about?” 

Is your husband going crazy? Seokjin and Aecha are a very cute couple. They’ve invited you at all their parties. 

But it’s at this moment that you notice what Jungkook has in his hand: a freaking gun! It’s huge, way more impressive than in movies. Why does he have a gun? Is he going to kill someone?

“What the hell is that?!” You yell and your husband immediately puts his hand on your mouth 

“Baby, listen to me. Go to your car, don’t make any noise and drive to the hotel where we got married. I’ll join you there when I’m done. Can you do that for me?” Jungkook speaks low but clearly

You nod but you’re still completely lost. Your husband frees your mouth and leads you to one of your bedroom windows. He opens it and tells you:

“Grab the gutter”

“Are you insane?”

“Please, listen to me, I know you can do it”

“I’m not going down by holding the freaking gutter! I’m not a freaking ninja or something!”

“Y/N, we don’t have time, please” Jungkook is growing frustrated and he is doing this thing with his mouth he knows you hate 

“Oh, don’t smack your lips on me” You scold him with a pointing finger 

“I’m not smacking my lips” He almost cries out of frustration, you’re so stubborn sometimes and now is definitely not the right time

“Yes, you—“

You’re cut off by a deafening sound that makes you scream and crash your hands onto your ears. Jungkook pushes you on the side so you’re hidden by the bed. His eyes are fixed on Seokjin who has just tried to shoot you for fuck’s sake! His anger is boiling and he aims his neighbor too. The numerous years of training gave him precision and he manages to hit Seokjin’s arm. The man growls in pain but he won’t give up. He changes his spot to have a visual on you. 

Your husband’s heart stops when he understands what’s going on. He jumps on the side, grabs your hand and protects you with his own body while he is running away. The bullet lands just a few inches away from your leg. He shoots at Seokjin, not really targeting him but preventing him from shooting you. Are you the target now? 

“Jungkook! What is going on?!” You shout 

“Later, babe” He replies with gritted teeth as he leads you down the stairs

The bullets are damaging the beautiful cream color you’ve put on your walls just one mouth ago but you don’t really care when you’re running for you life. Seokjin is still behind you and he is not bad of a shooter, even with one wounded arm. 

You and your husband manage to head to the backdoor and are running like crazy. You feel more than you hear the bottom hem of your dress getting ripped by a branch of your once beautiful flowerbed. Jungkook keeps shooting behind you until the magazine of his gun needs to be loaded. He always makes sure his body is protecting you. He pushes you into his car and another scream leaves your mouth when a bullet burst Jungkook’s car windshield. It doesn’t take long for Jungkook to get behind the wheel. But when you think he is going to drive down the alley, he goes straight at an insane speed. 

“The hydrangeas!” You yell like he was going to stop “Jungkook!” You shout as the car hits Seokjin and completely destroys your flowers

“Sorry, babe”

The man disappears underneath the vehicle and only then, your husband reverses, making the car bounce when the wheels roll over what you think is your neighbor. You’re in complete shock and Jungkook is driving way too fast for your sanity. You grab the seatbelt in a ridiculous attempt to feel safe. Oh my god, you can’t believe what just happened! Someone shot you, your freaking neighbor! And then, your husband shot back to finally freaking hit him with his car! Okay, maybe this is just a nightmare. Maybe you’re delusional and you have imagined everything. 

Your body is shaking so much that your teeth chatter. Jungkook glances at you with worried eyes. 

“Baby, are you okay?” He asks gently 

“No, I’m not okay, Jungkook! Explain now! Our neighbor almost killed me so start talking!” You yell at him 

—————

Your husband insisted to wait until you reach the hotel where you got married in Geoje.  The view of the ocean and the delicate rocks shaped into lace by the water and the wind is stunning. The contrast between the turquoise color of the sea and the oranges palette of the sunset sky is breathtaking. The scene is completed by the soft iodized smell of the air. The place is magical and romantic, the very reason why you chose to get married here. Maybe he hopes it’ll help you to relax or to remember that he loves you. The sound of the ocean waves is nice but you can’t appreciate it when your life is so messed up. You sit on the bed of your luxurious room and you can’t stare at your husband who looks like a complete stranger. 

"Please, explain" 

"I can’t tell you much, Y/N, the more you know, the more you’re in danger" He sighs

"It’s true that I’ve been real safe so far" You snap 

"This only thing I can tell you is that my job is secret" 

"Are you working for the CIA?"

"Baby, I’m Korean, I can’t work for the CIA"

"Are you working for the Korean CIA then?"

"No I’m not" Jungkook gets closer to you and caresses the back of your hand with his thumb "I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know what’s going on. Someone made some research about me and found out of about you. I swear I’ve been very careful to protect you, I don’t even know how they’ve got those informations"

The way your husband’s voice choke makes you anxious. You trust him, you would put your life in his hand without any doubt but you’re scared. This whole situation is crazy. You’re a normal woman with a boring life. And now, your husband is like James Bond or something and people are trying to kill you. You won’t ever regret married Jungkook but maybe you regret his secrets. But if he had told you, would you have married him? You’re not sure… 

"Am I going to die?" You ask low and your question makes Jungkook’s heart squeeze painfully at the simple thought of it

"No, baby, look at me" He grabs your cheeks and your watery eyes meet his beautiful dark ones, dead serious "I’ll protect you. I promise. I won’t let anyone hurt you"

You nod and a tear escapes your eyelids. Jungkook gently kisses you and your arms wrap around his torso. The contact immediately makes him hiss. Your eyes widen in panic. You scan his body and spot a dark red stain. 

"Oh my god! You’re hurt!"

"I’m fine, the bullet only grazed"

"Lift up your hoodie" You order

Jungkook knows that fighting is useless and he takes off his hoodie. You gasp at the sight: his left  flank is bleeding but he was right, the bullet didn’t pierced him. Your heart is squeezing so much in your chest because Jungkook got hurt to protect you. Your fingers gently brush his bruise and you see his abs flexing by pain but he doesn’t say anything. 

"We should ask a first-aid kit to the reception" You tell him, your throat chocked 

Your husband only nods and grabs the phone next to the bed. He knows you so well, he knows you feel guilty while you shouldn’t. He is the one who’s guilty. He put you in danger. But you’re so caring that you won’t ever believe it. And right now, you need to do something for him, in this case, lick his wounds. 

Quickly enough, some staff knocks on your door and brings you what you’ve asked for. You tell Jungkook to seat on the bed and start to disinfect. The fact that he doesn’t even hiss is a pound in your heart because it means he is used to it. How many times did he get hurt without you even knowing? Did he have to heal his wounds alone? That’s the saddest thing ever, to know your husband was hurt and alone. 

Your shaky fingers apply some ointment as delicately as possible. You even blow on the bruise to soothe the pain away. The final step is the bandage. You grab a huge amount of compresses and secure them with a medical strip. When you’re done, your hands rest on Jungkook’s chest. You can feel his heartbeats underneath your fingertips and it’s comforting. You feel connected to him and maybe your heart settles to the same pace. 

"I love you" He says, in the simplest yet most sincere way 

"I love you" You reply 

"Come here"

Your husband pulls you next to him on the bed to cuddle you. He whispers in your ears that everything is going to be alright and oddly enough, you believe him. You close your eyes and for the first time in three days, you get to sleep without your chest aching. 

Jungkook contemplates you sleeping. You’re so beautiful. He caresses your hair and his brain is working hard to think about a plan. He has to go back to your house where he keeps passports and money. It won’t be easy, police or other agents watching the place but he doesn’t have any choice. You’ll stay here and he’ll come back as soon as he can. He won’t leave you ever again, he almost died doing it once. You’re his wife, the love of his life. Maybe he is selfish but he can’t let you go. 

He delicately escapes your arms and heads to the balcony with his phone. He dials the number and the same electronic voice asks him to identify himself and he does. The night is silent despite the waves, but maybe he feels like that because of the mammoth starry sky above him. 

"Osmium 1-3-0-6, where the hell have you been? Do you know that everyone is looking for you? You have a mission" The female operator scolds him 

"Listen, plans’ve changed. Someone tried to kill my wife. I need to make sure she’s safe"

"You can’t, the mission comes first and you know it"

Jungkook’s fist clenches, it’s so fucking unfair. He won’t ever choose his job over your life. You’re the most important thing in his life. 

"Listen, I need your help" He almost begs "Can you delay the mission? Just for one day. I’ll go to my house tomorrow and grab some stuff. When I’m sure my wife is safe, I swear I’ll get the mission done. You know me, I never fail"

He can hear the operator sighing, fighting against what’s is fair and what’s right. 

"Okay…" She concedes "But you only have one day"

"Thank you. Really, you don’t know what it means to me. Good night, operator" Jungkook’s smile is clearly noticeable in his voice 

"Good night, Osmium 1-3-0-6"

Jungkook steps inside the room but stops when he sees you looking at him. 

"Are you going back?" You ask but your voice implores him to stay 

"I need to. I have some passports and money. So you will take the first flight for Bali and I’ll join you as soon as I can"

"Please, don’t go" Your eyes are filled with tears and your husband’s heart breaks because he feels like it’s the only thing he’s seeing in them lately 

"Baby, everything’s gonna be fine" He reassures you before kissing you "All I care about is you. If you’re safe, I’m safe"

"How can I be safe without you?" You ask, grabbing his hands

"I’ll show you how much I love you and then, you’ll understand why I need to go back" He whispers and kisses you again

This time, it’s deeper and more sensual. His palms cage your jaws and his tongue sneaks inside your mouth. You hands caress your husband’s naked back and he pulls you closer. He captures your lips deliciously and his fingers quickly find the hem of your dress to pull it off. Your perfect body, only covers by your undergarment, is lightened by the pale light of the moon. You look like a goddess. Are you even real? Maybe Jungkook is dreaming, he can’t believe he is this lucky. 

"So gorgeous" He whispers, his hands fondling your thighs, your stomach, your arms and your breasts make you shiver in pleasure

His mouth can’t stay too long without touching yours, almost like you were his oxygen. His expert fingers undo your bra and free your boobs. Your mouth-watering mounds are calling him and he can’t resist. His tongue licks your right erected nipple before sucking on it so hard that your head rolls back with a raspy moan. Your panties get soaked in a second. Your hands are in your husband’s raven hair and the sparkle of your diamond ring in his black locks is ethereal. 

Jungkook kisses your skin until he reaches your other nipple. The first one feels cold because the light breeze laps the wet spot. Jungkook loves your tits. Actually, he loves everything of you.  You can feel his tongue rolling around your nipple and sweet moans form in your mouth. You tug on your husband’s hair, making him growl against your thin skin. He kisses every single inch of your breasts, manifesting how much he worships you. So much that your tits get swollen by his ministrations. 

Then, he gently guides you towards the bed, his mouth glued to yours once again. He makes you lay down upon the soft and delicately-scented bedding. A wave of panic grows in your body when Jungkook’s kisses head South, placing his large body between your open legs.

"Kook, don’t, you’re hurt"

"I’m okay, baby" He reassures you while he is leaving sweet pecks in your inner thighs "Let me take care of you"

His fingers brush upon your clothed clit and you can’t think straight enough to argue. Your back arches and your fists clench on the sheets. When Jungkook is satisfied with the way your panties stick to your soaked pussy, he grabs the hem of them and slides them down purposely slow. Your skin gets so sensitive by his intense yet slow movements that you’re going insane. Your cunt clenches and is dripping by the expectation of his touch. 

You can feel Jungkook’s breath on your wet pussy and it makes you shiver. Your husband is mesmerized by the beauty of your glistening sex and the way it appeals him. His mouth dives into it. Delicately at first, kissing your clit and lapping your wetness, and then, rougher. His tongue applies a delightful pressure on your clit while it’s rolling around. Your sweet whimpers paint a smirk on Jungkook’s face, he loves the sounds you make so much. 

Your legs want to close because of the pleasure almost unbearable to take but Jungkook keeps them firmly open with his large and warm palms. When his tongue takes a fat strap from your entrance to your clit, you almost loose it. Your eyes shut and your hand finds his hair to press his pretty face deeper against your pussy. Your husband is literally making out with your sex and it’s really hot. He really knows how to provide you pleasure, and even more when two of his digits enter you. You gasp his name and your walls immediately tighten around his fingers. 

He sets a nice rhythm and doesn’t leave your clit with his mouth. You feel overwhelmed by his touch, especially when his free hand grabs your boob. You glance at it and you feel a particularly intense emotion at the sight of the silver band around his finger. Instinctively, your other hand settles upon his, intertwining your fingers in a weird way against your flesh but you don’t really care. 

When Jungkook harshly sucks on your sensitive bud and curls his fingers to caress your g-spot, your head rolls back. 

"I’m gonna come" You whisper with a voice broken by the pleasure 

"Please do. Come for me, baby" Your husband spurs you, pumping his digits faster into your cunt 

Your walls get impossibility tight and your whole body shakes when you cum. Your mouth is wide open but it’s impossible for you to make any sound as your sexual high brings you beyond clouds. 

Jungkook keeps his fingers inside you but stops moving and his mouth leaves your clit to gently kiss your inner thighs. 

"You’re so pretty when you cum" He praises you and your cheeks get brightly red 

His plump lips are red, swollen and juicy by a thin layer of your arousal. If sex was a person, it would be Jungkook right now. The hand that was in his hair travels down to his face to delicately caress his cheek. You can feel that his skin is rougher than usual because he hasn’t shaved but he is still the most handsome man that has ever walked on Earth. Jungkook kisses your palm while looking into your eyes. Lust and affection is clearly visible on your both faces and you can’t help bitting your lower and still swollen by your kisses lip. 

The action drives Jungkook crazy and his teeth replace your own within a second. He doesn’t bite harshly because he doesn’t want to hurt you but the slight pressure he applies arouses you. Your pussy clenches around his steady fingers. 

"I want you" You whisper against his soft lips

"I’m all yours" He replies like it was the most evident thing in the world 

He steps back just the time to get rid off his pants and underwear and your cheeks blush a little bit more at the sight of his perfect cock. It’s big and thick but the skin is velvety. The drop of pre cum escaping his tip is glistening under the moon light and your mouth waters. Your eyes slowly go up to admire his also perfect body. You love his abs and pecs, he is so hot. Especially when his tattooed hand grabs his dick to give him a few pumps, even though he is hard as hell — he means, how could he not when his gorgeous spouse is naked in front of him? 

But your heart gets punched when you see his bandage on his left side. Jungkook must notice your face getting tensed because he reaches out to grab your hand. 

"I’m okay"

You simply nod because you’re afraid that your voice might be weak by your dry throat. 

Jungkook places himself between your open legs and his dark eyes caress your whole body, from your swollen pussy to your so pretty face, passing by your tits. He is so damn lucky. He knows that if he had twenty other lives, he’d love you each single time. 

He guides his cock to your entrance and slowly enters you. You feel your walls getting stretched and the feeling is so good that you almost cum again. When he is deep inside you and you are literally full, your husband leans down to kiss you. Your legs wrap around his tiny waist and your fingers intertwine on both sides of your head. 

He presses his forehead against yours and your breaths mix when he slides his cock almost out before stuffing in deep into you again. 

"More" You moan 

Jungkook smiles and starts pounding you. He absolutely loves making love to you. He loves your face torn by pleasure. He loves how your back arches to feel him better. He loves how your rounded boobs bounce in rhythm. And he loves feeling your tight pussy around his fat cock. 

"You’re taking me so good, baby" He praises you and he knows you love it because your cunt tightens 

His hands hold yours harder when he enhances the pace. His strong thighs allows him to give you powerful and deep dick strokes. Your moans fill the room and levitate in the air through the open window. You don’t care at all if someone hears you while you’re making love with your husband. 

Your legs pull Jungkook closer to you, making your chests crash into each other. It’s almost like your hearts are connected. Your husband’s face disappears in the crook of your neck to kiss your thin and sensitive skin. 

"Oh my god!" You scream when he pounds roughly into you 

Your eyes roll back and you’re going insane. This is so much pleasure to take. 

"You’re fucking me so good" Your voice is shaky because of the way your body jolt 

Jungkook smirks against your skin at your compliment and he frees one of his hands to press it against your lower belly. 

"Do you feel that?" He asks and you gasp at his dick popping under your skin 

Your orphan hand desperately needs to grab into something not to loose your mind and settles on the back of Jungkook’s neck. His black hair is tickling your fingers and you roll them into the end of his locks. 

"I’m so close, honey" You inform him but Jungkook already knows by your clenching walls

"Fuck, you’re tight" He growls, his own head rolling back but only a second because he can’t take his eyes off of you "You’re so beautiful, Y/N. I’m so fucking lucky to have you" He says between two breaths 

Your eyes water at the pleasure provided by his big cock and at his touching words. Your hand slides toward his cheek that you caress with your thumb like you can with the way your whole body rattles by his deep humping. 

Your lips form the words ‘I love you’ in silence and your husband captures your lips once again. His hand on your stomach travels down and reaches your clit to draw magic circles. Your hand squeezes your husband’s next to your head. You know he is driving you towards the edge. He is fucking you so deep that you’re sure you’ll have bruises on your inner thighs. 

His fingertips press harder on your sensitive bud while his dick is pounding into your dripping pussy. Your head rolls back on the soft pillow and your toes curl. You scream your husband’s name when you cum, body shaking with delightful waves of pleasure. The beauty of your face when you’re experiencing an orgasm is so perfect that that, combined to your throbbing cunt around his cock, sends Jungkook right into space. He growls your name and he frowns when he paints your walls with his white and thick cum. 

He collapses on your body, heavily panting, and you caress his sweaty hair. Jungkook wraps you into his strong arms and hugs you tight while his cock is softening but still buried into you.

"My precious wife" He whispers into your ear

He gathers his last strengths and rolls on the side of the bed. His arm sneaks around your frame to pull you close. You listen to his heartbeats, echoing the soothing sounds of the waves outside. Suddenly, Jungkook’s chest wiggles as he is laughing lowly. You lift up your face to look at him with a questioning eye. Jeez, he is so handsome with his lazy fucked out smile. 

"We got married here" He explains with a sweet voice that is like a melody "I was remembering how happy I was when we spent our first night as wife and husband"

"I can’t believe you hired actors to play your parents at our wedding" You say but your voice is nothing like a reproach even though Jungkook tenses

"I’m sorry"

"Don’t be. I understand that you just wanted to protect me. Honestly, I think that, if I knew the truth, I would have been so stressed and scared for you that I would already have had a heart attack"

Jungkook gives you a tender smile and caresses your cheek with his fingertips. 

"I want you to promise me something" You speak up 

"Sure, babe" He encourages you to pursue 

"Promise me that you won’t leave me ever again" Your voice breaks a little and your eyes water to the point your vision gets blurry "You don’t know how hard it was to be in our home without you. You don’t know how empty and sad and broken I felt. I won’t survive if you leave me, Jungkook, so please, don’t do it ever again"

Jungkook’s chest tightens and he gulps with difficulty. Fuck, he didn’t know he’s hurt you this much. He was so fucking stupid to leave you, even though he thought he was protecting you. 

"I promise"

He promises to you but also to himself. Whatever how fucked up the situation is, he won’t leave you. He will protect you and you’ll have the happy ending you deserve. He knows he doesn’t deserve you so he has to do everything he can to make you happy. If you ask him to die for you, he’ll do it without even hesitating. But he will stay with you as long as you are willing him to. 

"I love you more than anything, Y/N. More than my own life. Remember that"

You nod and kiss your husband. Your head regains its place on Jungkook’s chest like it just simply belongs there and you both fall asleep and in love again, just like your wedding day at the very same place. 

—————

The first thought that comes to Jungkook’s mind when he wakes up with your naked body still pressed against his is ‘God, my girl is hot’. Then, ‘I love her so fucking much’. His phone informs him that’s only six am but he needs to go. He kisses your forehead and covers your beautiful frame with the sheet. He dresses up with the same black hoodie and sweatpants from yesterday and leaves the room, not without glancing at you one last time. 

He makes a stop at the reception. 

"Hi, could you get some clothes for my wife, please?" He asks and the receptionist nods

He notes on a paper your size and the clothes you need. Maybe it’s the last domestic gesture he’ll do today. 

When he reaches his car, or more like the truck he has stolen yesterday because his busted windshield was not really discrete, he makes a call to pretty much the only person he can trust. 

"I need your help" He speaks with a low-pitched and serious tone

He then explains the situation and the two men agree to meet in a few hours. Driving helps him concentrate. It might be the most dangerous mission he has ever had so far and God knows how dangerous his job is. He makes a clear plan in his head: his colleague will join him and the both of them will discreetly enter your house. They’ll be quick and Jungkook will only grab the things he needs and disappears. Then, he’ll drive back to you and makes sure you leave South Korea safely. He’ll finish his job and join you to start a new life far away from all this mess. This way, you will live happy together without having to look behind you. Jungkook will settle to a new job, maybe be a mechanic since he likes cars. Maybe you could even start a family. 

Yes, the plan is perfect. 

He stops in front of a coffee shop to pick up his colleague. He is dressed up in all black, just like Jungkook, except that his clothes fit tighter on his tall body. He is the one who sent him the secret texts you found out. Jungkook doesn’t know his real name, neither than the man. They’re colleagues but they trust each other with their lives, job requires… Jungkook is a man of action while his colleague is kind of the brain. He gives Jungkook all the information he needs and provides him all the fake documents he needs for his cover. It’s also true that the man has to jump into action sometimes when Jungkook is into real shit so your husband knows that his colleague knows how to fight and hold a gun. And even though they don’t know much about each other except from work, Jungkook knows that the guy is just one year older than him and is a real flirt. After five years of working together, they’ve got to know each other by chatting after missions all around the world. A weird professional friendship has developed between the two. 

"Hi, Osmium" The man says 

"Hi, Gallium. Thank you for helping me" Jungkook replies 

"Don’t worry. I’m happy to" Gallium — code name — reassures him with a genuine smile 

The two men drive to your suburban neighborhood. Obviously, the whole mess Jungkook made yesterday didn’t go unnoticed. You live in the typical middle-class area where only normal families own a house. It might be boring sometimes for Jungkook — but his secret life provides him enough adrenaline to make it though it — but he’s thankful that you’re, normally, safe there. Until yesterday and a fucking hitman tried to kill you. The thought makes Jungkook tighten his grip on his wheel. 

Jungkook has stopped the car a few meters away from your address. Gallium has brung some guns and ammunitions for the two of them and they prep their weapons. As usual, Jungkook feels his heart beating slow and loud in his chest. He is fully concentrate, maybe even more than normal because he knows your life is at stake. 

Jungkook and Gallium sneak into Seokjin and Aecha’s garden and your husband looks through the stupid hence they were always complaining about. The rough branches are poking at his face in a unpleasant way but he doesn’t care. He winces a little when he sees that the garden is even more messed up than yesterday, which means you won’t be happy about it. Like at all. Jungkook uses his hand language to inform his colleague that two policemen are watching the backdoor.

The two men jump over the hence in a smooth and silent move. The policemen don’t even have time to react that Jungkook and Gallium get behind them and lock their arms around the policemen’s throat. The two men in uniform try to fight back but in vain: the oxygen doesn’t irrigate their brain or their muscles and they faint. Jungkook and Gallium let them fall on the ground slowly and head to the door. They have their guns in their hands now and are as discreet as cats. They are moving slowly but surely, always checking all round them to detect any enemies. 

Jungkook points his hand toward the stairs and Gallium nods, taking the lead for checking the place. Your husband’s heart is loud in the absolutely silent house. He doesn’t even recognize it. Further than the bullet holes and broken glasses everywhere, it’s the atmosphere that has changed. It used to be a welcoming home, full of love. Now it looks cold and uneasy, like everything is tinted in a cold tone. That’s why Jungkook thinks that maybe his house used to be charming because of you and only you. 

He goes up and takes care to avoid the sixth step because it squeaks. Someway, his heart squeezes a little in chest at the sight of your completely destroyed bedroom. The windows are busted and there are feathers pretty much everywhere on the ground. 

Jungkook steps closer to your nightstand where a picture of your wedding has miraculously survived. His eyes immediately soften. He clearly remembers that his breath was cut out when you appeared in your beautiful white dress. And when you said ‘I do’, he thought that he was the luckiest man on Earth because you could have had any man you wanted and you still chose him. Your husband is in love with you like the first day, maybe even more. He feels like he loves a little more every single day you spend together and honestly, he doesn’t understand how all his love for you can fit in his body. 

"Hey" Gallium whisper-yells 

Jungkook jolts and regains his concentration. He walks to your spacious dressing room and uses the shelves to climb up until he reaches the bag he has hidden upon the double-door. He reaches down and opens the bag to make sure he has everything: money, passports and all the fake documents you’ll need to make a new life. 

"Okay" Jungkook informs his colleagues while he is closing the bag "I have—"

His sentence fades when a harsh stroke hits the back of his head. The impact is precise, at the right place to make him pass out instantly. The darkness floods his vision and the last thought he has is you. 

Something’s wrong. You can feel it by the itching filling up every inch of your body. It’s sunset and your husband hasn’t returned yet. When you woke up in an empty bed, you felt a wave of panic until your eyes landed on the sweet note Jungkook had written for you. He told you he loved you and would be back in the afternoon. So you kept yourself occupied all day, trying to think about other things to evacuate your stress. The hotel staff knocking at your door around lunch time with a full bag of new clothes kind of helped you with that. As you were putting your new underwear, jeans, long sleeve black t-shirt and Converses on, your chest went warmed up by Jungkook’s caring. Gosh, your husband is so perfect. 

Except he is not here while he should be. Something is wrong. You’re walking back and forth in the hotel room, checking your phone every thirty seconds. Should you call him? What if you do and his phone rings and someone notices him? You’re afraid to make things worse. But for God’s sake, where is your husband? Your breath is shaky, just as your hands. You’re so worried about him. Your heart must have broke the record for the fastest pace now. 

When you’re about to truly lose your mind, your phone rings. The sudden sound in your too quiet room makes you jump. At first, you thought it was your husband but the number is unknown. 

"Hello?" You answer, unsure 

"Jeon Y/N?" A female speaks 

"This is she" Your voice is chocked because of your dry throat 

"I work with your husband. He needs you"

What? What’s going on? The woman said she works with Jungkook, does she mean his secret job that you still don’t understand? And what does she mean by he needs you? Is he hurt? Is he in danger? If yes, what can you do? You don’t know anything about guns and secret missions and what so ever! You start to panic. Like a real big wave of anxiety that makes you breathe heavy and quick. You’re not made for that, for all that stress. You’re a normal person, just a wife leaving her life in a quiet neighborhood  and who only has to care about the flowers in her garden. 

"Is he okay? Is he hurt? Please, tell me he’s alright" You speak fast, your panic clearly noticeable in your voice

"He’s fine, don’t worry" The second the unknown woman tells you that, your body immediately relaxes: if Jungkook is okay, then everything else is fine "But he won’t be able to meet you at the hotel. He asked me to give you the meeting address"

"Why he didn’t call me?" You ask, both curious and quite suspicious 

Jungkook didn’t tell you much about his job but he had made one thing real clear: he’s hidden you to protect you. So why would he ask someone of his job to call you while he would have done it himself? The itching in your body tenses you up. Something is not right but you don’t know what. 

"He couldn’t" She replies but doesn’t give any more explanation "So, there is a disused warehouse not so far away from Geoje. Your husband is waiting for you there so you can leave the South Korean territory after that. But you need to be discreet. Don’t inform anyone where you’re going. If you can, rent a car and drive by yourself. Otherwise, someone could find your husband and hurt him. Please be quick"

The woman on the phone is telling you so much informations in such a short time period that you’re not sure to understand everything. Every time a word is leaving her mouth, you wonder ‘what the hell is going on?’. The only thing you care about is Jungkook. You just want him to be safe and you’ll do anything for that. So you don’t question her — what could you ask anyway, you’re so lost right now — and head to the reception. You ask where you can rent a car and don’t waste a second. 

Your hands are shaking on the wheel and you can’t make the itching feeling disappear. You can feel it in your guts. Should you call the police? You’re not sure, the woman said that it can put Jungkook in danger… You try to call your husband but you have no response. Maybe it’s a trap but you can’t care because you can feel that Jungkook needs you. 

You arrive at the address the mysterious woman gave you and you’re not relieved when you discover a creepy and far from any civilization abandoned building. It looks so much like a horror movie. What the hell are you doing here? Did you forget that this was not a movie and that you could be killed? Of course not. But you also didn’t forget that Jungkook may be in danger… You’re facing a dilemma here. Should you enter? You’re so freaking scared and the adrenaline rushing through your veins doesn’t help to think. You try to breathe deeply and slowly but it only brings some tears to your eyes because you’re terrified. How could your life have become such a mess? You want to back in time, when you didn’t know anything about the guns in your house and Jungkook’s lies about his job. Life was way easier then. 

You grab your wheel, close your eyes and say out loud: ‘You can do it. You’re doing this for Jungkook. So pull yourself together and go to the freaking warehouse’. You nod to give you confidence when you clearly lack it. You don’t even have the courage to close the car door by fear to make some noise. 

The place is huge and empty and cold and you’re freaking terrified. You don’t like it. Your heart is beating so fast that you’re afraid it might stop. You’re looking everywhere but you don’t see anyone. Where is Jungkook? Is he okay? Why would he ask you to meet in such a creepy place? He’d know that it would scare you. 

When you’re about to run away you spot a big form on the ground. You’re not sure that it is because it’s pretty dark but your body moves by itself and steps closer. Your heartbeat echoes each of your steps. You almost faint when you recognize your husband. 

"Jungkook!" You yell and run to him

He is unconscious and a big stain of dry blood is spoiling his handsome face. His hands and feet are tied. Your hands grab his face and you try to wake him up. Is he dead? The thought is too painful for you to accept it. You start crying and Jungkook is still not waking up! 

"Please, wake up! Honey, wake up! Tell me what to do. I’m so scared" You sob and hug his heavy and flaccid body

You wipe your tears and try to loosen the ropes around his wrists but they’re too tight. What the hell is going on? What happened to him? 

You gasp when you hear some steps behind you. You turn around and press Jungkook deeper into your embrace. You frown at the familiar frame. A frame you haven’t seen in years. But you might be wrong because that’s just crazy if he were there. 

"Taehyung?" You ask in a whisper 

"Y/N?" 

"Oh my god!" You sigh quite relieved that it’s someone you know "Please, help me. I don’t know what’s going on! My husband is unconscious and I need to get him out of here"

Taehyung walks to you and you think he is going to help with the ties but he grabs you wrist instead. So roughly that it hurts. He pulls you hard to force you to stand up. 

"What are you doing?!"

"You have to get out of here" He tells you with a deep voice that makes you shiver 

"I know! But I have to help my husband"

You free your hand and go back to Jungkook, still unconscious. You don’t really know why you do what you do but you discreetly slide the photo of your husband and you that you keep in your phone case in his hoodie pocket. Call it instinct, call it adrenaline or call it craziness, you can’t explain it either. 

"You don’t even know him!" Taehyung shouts, so loud that you jolt 

You look at him with a mix of disbelief and scare. What is he talking about?

"You don’t know anything about him, Y/N. Do you know his job? Do you know how many people he has hurt? He has murdered? Do you think he is a good man?" He says like a snake, tongue hissing and eyes narrowing

"He is…" You can only whisper, completely taken aback 

"He has lied to you. He has lied about everything! Do you think he loves you? Y/N, don’t be stupid. He is just using you not to catch attention! No one would suspect a husband living in the suburb with his perfect wife. You’re nothing but a cover"

"Stop! Jungkook is not like that!" You shout while closing your eyes but your words lack conviction 

You did question yourself when you found out about his job. You did ask yourself if Jungkook was sincere and if he truly loves you. But when you look into Jungkook’s eyes, you can see that he does. Yes, he has a lot of secrets but he wouldn’t use you… Would he? 

Taehyung is messing with your brain and it’s an easy thing to do when you feel so lost and terrified. You put your hands on your ears: you need silence! You need to think! It could be so much easier if Jungkook could wake up now. 

"We don’t have time" Taehyung argues, grabbing your hand once again to pull you away from Jungkook "We have to go"

He wraps his arms around your frame and lift you up so your feet can’t touch the ground. You panic when he starts walking away. You wrestle but your strength is not enough to stop him. 

"Get off of me!" You yell "Jungkook!" You scream louder than ever when the unconscious body of your husband disappears from your line of sight

Taehyung manages to put you in his car despite your struggle and shut the door. He gets behind the wheel and starts driving. Your heart is squeezed at every feet growing between your husband and you. Leaving him alone and hurt in this scary place breaks your heart so much. You’re worried about him and you just pray for someone to save him. 

"Why are you doing this?" You ask, breaking the heavy silence 

"For you" Taehyung answers, his voice way softer than before 

"Please, I’m begging you, I need to go back. Jungkook needs me"

"He doesn’t, Y/N" He sighs, his hand running through his brown hair in frustration and anger "I already told you, he doesn’t care about you. Did you know that the agency told him to not get married because you could be in danger? And he still did it, because he doesn’t care about you!"

"Stop talking!" You shout 

You know Taehyung is lying. You know it. But your heart hurts anyway because there is a tiny teeny chance that he might be right… The fact is that Taehyung has never lied to you while your husband did. And Taehyung has no reason to lie. But you just can’t believe that Jungkook is a complete liar! You feel so lost right now because nothing makes sense! 

"I’m sorry for everything" Taehyung sighs and drives into the night

After you were gone, another car approached the warehouse. A woman jumped out of the vehicle and ran, completely panicked, inside. She did the same thing you’ve done a few minutes before: checking everywhere until she found Jungkook. Just like you, she ran to him and called out his name to wake him up. Only this time, he did. 

The pain in his head is atrocious. His memories are blurry and the darkness around him doesn’t help him to dissipate his confusion. He can vaguely see and feel a woman next to him, basically hugging him in relief. 

"Baby?" He asks with a raspy voice, confused 

"It’s me" She answers with a voice that sounds very familiar to him while she pulls out a little knife from her pocket to cut the ropes "Are you okay?"

"Operator?" Jungkook questions again, even more lost now 

"Yes"

It’s the first time Jungkook is seeing the woman behind the phone. It’s a strange feeling because she is just the voice in his ear, guiding him through the buildings he has to sneak in, or telling him what to say to the person he has to get information from. Usually, agents don’t meet their operator. It’s too dangerous, they know too much about each other. 

"What happened? What are you doing here?"

"When you told me that you wanted to go back to your house, I knew you would need someone. When I checked Gallium profile, I saw he wasn’t on a mission so I knew you would ask him. But then, I found something weird: he has resigned. All of the sudden. And I had a bad feeling so I traced your phone and I found you. God, I’m so glad I did"

Jungkook tries to take a better look at his savior while trying to understand this whole messed up situation. Did Gallium betray him? Why? Was he the one asking information about you and him? Fuck, it’s insane… Jungkook winces at the pain thinking provokes to his injured head. 

"Thanks" He tells the woman who only nods and helps him to stand up

She is small and fragile. Jungkook didn’t know what to expect from his operator because he hasn’t really tried to imagine her before but she is younger than he thought. Maybe his age or slightly older. Her hair is short, barely touching her shoulders, in a light brown color. Her features, that are surely cute normally, are tensed by worry. 

"I have to go to the hotel, my wife is waiting for me" Jungkook informs her when they seat in the car

Your husband notices the grimace on the woman’s face and her deep sad eye. 

"What? What’s going on? Is she okay?" Jungkook asks, panicked 

"She’s okay but… Jungkook, I’m sorry" She says, resting her small hand on Jungkook’s big one to comfort him 

"What?"

"She left. With another man" She drops the bomb

The whole world has stopped. Jungkook’s heart has stopped too. No, that’s just impossible. You love him and he loves you. We made love yesterday and you even asked him to never leave you… That doesn’t make any sense. What the fuck is going on?! The pound in Jungkook’s chest is so heavy that he can’t even breathe properly. 

"Who?" He manages to ask despite the horrible lump in his throat 

"I don’t know, I just saw them leaving the hotel before I came here. I wanted to check on her but she was with this man"

"Then, Y/N is in danger. We have to find her and save her. We could—"

Jungkook’s is cut off by the operator while he is already trying to make a plan in his head. 

"They were holding hands and she called him by his name. They knew each other. I’m sorry" She explains, sad to witness Jungkook being so devastated 

"I need to go to the hotel"

The woman nods and starts driving. 

The car barely has stopped that Jungkook steps out and runs to your room. But it’s empty. You’re not here, and your few items you had with you either. Jungkook is going to die. He can feel it in his bones. He has already faced death, he knows that it looks like and he has never felt so close. The pain in his chest… There is no word to describe it. 

You left him. 

To be continued...

I'm so so so sorry for taking this long. As you can see, the story is very long and it's just the half of it. I still hope that you liked it (if you did, pls let me know in the comments 🩷)

Taglist @llallaaa @jjk174 @tatamicc @chimmisbae @chl0buggy @ggukieskookie @11thenightwemet11 @ttanniett @lallataegi

[connecting-those-constellations]

Jailbird

Hi there! I've never done this before, first time posting in the tag, so idk if there's etiquette or whatever but I've written the start to a steddie fic inspired by Sabrina Carpenter's "Please Please Please" music video. Just wondering if it's worth continuing with or if ppl have any ideas. Anyway, here's Jailbird:

______________________________________________________________

Steve had entertained the thought before. What if he just didn’t show up?

Didn’t drive the Beemer through those metal gates, didn’t lean against the hood with his arms crossed. Didn’t wait with a mix of elation and dread for the buzzer to sound and for his husband to swagger to the car, duffel over his shoulder and a shit-eating grin on his face. 

Maybe if Eddie had no one to grin at when he was released from jail, again, he wouldn’t get himself locked up next time. 

But those questions remained unanswered, and Steve waited. 

The buzzer sounded, the chainlink door opened, and the love of Steve’s life and the bane of his existence strolled out like he’d just stopped at the store. 

“Hey, sugar.” 

The words were whispered in Steve’s ear as tattoo-covered hands came up to circle his waist. When Steve’s head, tilted to stare up at the sky before their eyes could lock across the parking lot, didn’t come back down, Eddie’s lips landed on his neck. 

“You’re not still mad at me, are you?” 

Steve huffed and lowered his head, and Eddie’s lips relocated to his cheek, pressing kiss after slow kiss. He gave Eddie a soft shove back, finally making eye contact.

“Ask me again when we’re home.” 

[ranticore]

selected pages from Shapeshifter Problems, a small exploration of old old concept art & thoughts on shapeshifter tropes (specifically the question of the 'true form') i posted to patreon earlier this year. there's a bunch more haha. here's some OLD art and bg process for writing said the black horse. I don't like my old art but looking back at it I'm really happy how I've developed since, I used to make everything too sharp, straight-sided, or skinny. I had to make a conscious effort to change that and now it's so much better.

image transcriptions under the cut (just the text sorry)

Image 1: "These are more of those older designs - the horns were a deliberate play into devil imagery on Puck's part while giving Félix this form (all to cause more torment of course) but again I couldn't vibe with it. Such clear statements of intent didn't work for me.

The scars remain canon but not quite so stark, more a difference in texture (again, moving away from visual details). His forehead scar is ALWAYS there."

Image 2: "Félix. These are really old - from 2019-2020. They're the first attempts at Félix's horse form. At the time I was leaning into some goat-like attributes. I liked the idea of something that looked like an emaciated amalgam of many familiar creatures but if you look closer, it actually doesn't look like any animal at all. The original body shape and proportions were inspired by moose. I didn't know how to draw convincing horse shapes which is why he had these hands and claws for so long. I still draw the little flower wheel pattern on his sides sometimes... a secret just for me. His belly fur, squared off ear shape, and beard are still defining characteristics"

Image 3: "More old art from 2020. Bottom left is my first ever painting on my iPad using Procreate. I still prefer SAI for creature drawings, or at least the original sketches underpinning a lot of my art. Below on the bottom was my attempt at a scarier form for the character but I ultimately decided that it ran contrary to the atmosphere I was trying to create. Top left is my first 'real' horse painting and it includes the tail shape which has not ever changed, and feathers, which I nixed because I wanted to learn how to draw the feet and legs properly and not rely on covering them up with flowing hair (my favourite thing to draw)"

Image 4: "Like the black horse designs, these humanoid designs for Félix (circa 2019 - OLD art!) started very complex and simplified over time. I decided to avoid visual complexity, but made the mistake of solidifying specific 'rules' for how the Púca servants' bodies work, and I deeply regret this. Because I wrote Said the Black Horse in 2021, I was still operating under the old mindset and that caused it to become somewhat established canon.

In his original iteration his tattoos represented magical contracts between him and various faeries, so they were supposed to be always visible as a reminder of that contract.

<- a really early furry version, I was playing with the eye on the neck as a design feature. Ultimately I feel that although it looks cool, the medium he exists in is proser. So I needed to move away from visually complex designs and towards designs which were interesting to different senses instead."

Image 5: "As time went on the design simplified. I enjoyed making fun textures using procreate brushes. These designs lack his forehead scar but do include his impalement scar. If you've seen my Hanged Man card you'll know how he got that one. But when I made the charts like this about how his body 'worked' in 2020, again I ran into the same issue I always do when writing about faeries... the more I explain it, the most 'logic' and 'science' goes into it, the less it feels like a faery story to me. Overexplaining is anathema to the faeries of Inver. so even though I like these design notes they just don't fit in this setting."

[umlewis]

Lewis Hamilton: I've Struggled With Depression From A Very Early Age

From Formula One glory to making a film with Brad Pitt, at 39, the sports star is more successful than ever. It's been tough, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

Sir Lewis Hamilton is the most successful Formula 1 driver in history, with 105 (at the time of writing) grand prix victories to his name, as well as seven championships and a knighthood in 2021. What makes this achievement even more extraordinary is Hamilton's background. He is the first and only black man to race in F1, a sport dominated by the gilded progeny of wealthy white families. A child of mixed heritage-his father, Anthony, is of Grenadian descent; his mother, Carmen, is a white woman from Birmingham-Hamilton was partly raised on a council estate in Stevenage, his family sacrificing so much to get him to the track. "I am grateful I had that experience. I remember not having any money. I remember the struggle of my parents. I feel that's an advantage," he says. "Did you fight harder on the track because it was so tough for you to get there," I ask. "One thousand per cent," he replies. We are meeting at the Kensington Roof Gardens (Hamilton has a home in London, as well as Monaco, Geneva, Colorado and New York). He is a vision in expensive beige: Maison Margiela slacks, chunky Bottega Veneta boots, a Dries Van Noten cardigan, Dior bracelets, Cartier rings, a pearl necklace he bought online, twinkly little studs, one for each side of his nose, his hands a collage of geometric tattoos. But his love of fashion goes beyond amassing a "dream" wardrobe. He has collaborated with Tommy Hilfiger on several collections and has just been made guest designer at Dior, for whom he has a debut collection coming this autumn, the palette for which was inspired by his travels in Africa, particularly Nigeria. Hamilton agrees it's a busy time for him. At the end of this season he will be moving to Ferrari, after twelve years with Mercedes. "It's been a rollercoaster of emotions from the moment I signed the contract. Telling my boss, that was terrifying. But it's so exciting because I remember as a kid watching Michael. Every driver watches that car and you're like, 'What would it be like to sit in the red cockpit?'" He is a quiet presence, boyish almost, despite his 39 years. He uses euphemisms for swearwords such as "frick" and "shoot." He doesn't drink, is "plant-based," and loves hanging out with his nieces and nephew, playing Uno and Fortnite, chucking them about in the pool on holiday. "I'm really good with the kids," he says, setting aside his oat latte. "With them I feel like I'm able to be the kid that I am."

Hamilton's own childhood was not so carefree. His parents separated when he was two, his father meeting his new wife, Linda, at British Rail, where they both worked. Sundays with his dad were spent watching Formula 1. This was the era of the talismanic Brazilian driver Ayrton Senna, Hamilton's hero. It was during a holiday in Ibiza that he first got in a go-kart. "I was hooked," he says. "The adrenaline, the chaos, trying to control it. You feel it in your chest, your emotions, through your fingers, everything." Hamilton's dad bought him a kart for Christmas when he was eight. "I think he just wanted something to do with me, this kid that had all this energy, that had no fear." He describes himself, back then, as a "Tasmanian devil," a child who didn't enjoy school, who had undiagnosed dyslexia, who was shy - but behind the wheel "something flowed through me. It was the only thing I was confident in." The family began to orientate their existence around Hamilton's racing, his father taking extra jobs, while his stepmum spent all her savings on his new passion. Hamilton won his first race when he was ten. "That was really empowering for me," he says, 'Because I was competing against a lot of wealthier families."

It was also around this time that Senna died, his car crashing into a concrete barrier during the San Marino Grand Prix. "I was with my dad; we were working on the go-kart. I remember going to the front and crying, bawling my eyes out. I couldn't cry in front of my dad. He was not that kind of guy." Hamilton suppressed his grief, in the same way that he suppressed his emotions about the bullying and racism he endured. "There was no escaping it. You experience it at school, in the parks, walking through town. I didn't understand it and my parents never spoke to me about it. They never explained what was going on. My dad was just, 'Keep your head down, hold it in, don't say anything, just beat them on the track, that's all you can do.'" So that was what he did. When Hamilton was thirteen he was offered a place on the McLaren driver development team. His father became his manager, looking after all elements of his career, including finance. "Even when I got to Formula 1, at 22, I had no comprehension of money," he says. Hamilton's first F1 season was in 2007, his first championship win in 2008. But despite all that it gave him, despite his deep love of the sport, of competing, Hamilton found the world of F1 corporate and stifling. There was a requirement to conform, a residual feeling that just one misstep and the opportunities he had been given would be taken away. "It wasn't until I'd had some wins that I started to put my toe out of the box. Each time it was, like, you make one step and that rock's safe, but that next one was wobbly or would fall away. You'd get criticism about how you were presenting yourself. But I kept punching and kept fighting." Racing, like so much competitive sport, can be a lonely business. "You're nice and friendly outside the car," Hamilton says, "but in the car my dad would say you have to be ruthless, aggressive, sharp. In the car there are no friends." He found greater freedom, a sense of belonging and camaraderie, in the fashion world, attending his first show in 2007. "Everyone was wearing what they wanted. You didn't feel like you were being judged because everyone's on their own vibe. It was the first time I got into an environment where everyone was expressing themselves and I loved it."

Hamilton tried to bring some of that creative freedom to his professional life. In 2010 he sacked his father as manager. "Obviously parents try to protect their kids, forever I guess, and some don't want to let go. My dad struggled with that. There was a point when I was like, 'Look, I've done everything you've asked me to do, now let me live my life. I am going to have to make my own mistakes.' That was a really tough process." At the end of the 2012 season he left McLaren for Mercedes. "They gave me a lot more freedom," he says. He became involved in the look of the team, bringing in Hilfiger to help redesign the clothing. "But still if I felt there were wrongdoings, I didn't feel I could speak out." That all changed in 2020, when Hamilton watched a video of the murder of George Floyd by the policeman Derek Chauvin. "The cork popped. It had me on my knees in tears. All this emotion came out. It was such a strange experience because I don't remember crying since I was really young. I knew that I'd had enough, I really needed to speak out. There are people that are staying silent, people that feel voiceless, and I have this platform. Winning championships is an amazing thing, but what are you doing with it? What are you doing with your time on this planet?" These were the questions that Hamilton began asking himself during that pandemic year, which was also when he started meditating. "I would struggle initially to calm my mind, but it's a really great way of getting in touch with myself, my inner feelings, understanding what I want to do." These days he meditates every morning, waking at five, following this with a ten km run, which he sees as an extension of his meditation, a time to have ideas, to clear his mind.

"When I was in my twenties I had some really difficult phases. I mean, I’ve struggled with mental health through my life." What are we talking, I ask. Anxiety, depression? "Depression. From a very early age, when I was, like, thirteen . I think it was the pressure of the racing and struggling at school, the bullying. I had no one to talk to." I ask if he has ever seen a therapist. "I spoke to one woman, years ago, but that wasn't really helpful. I would like to find someone today." He has gone on silent retreats and reads books about mental health, including The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman. "You're learning about things that have been passed down to you from your parents, noticing those patterns, how you react to things, how you can change those. So what might have angered me in the past doesn't anger me today. I am so much more refined." The year 2020 was a time of profound personal change. Hamilton took the knee before every race he entered that year. He advocated for change within his industry, initiating the Hamilton Commission to research the underrepresentation of black people in UK motorsport and the STEM sector. Using this information, he launched Mission 44, a charity to help young people around the world overcome social injustice, investing £20 million (he is worth an estimated £350 million) into the project.

He also started moving into other spheres with greater purpose, including fashion and music. He developed a non-alcoholic drink, Almave, and set up a film production company. "I want to be able to tell diverse stories. Film has changed my life. There is so much inspiration I have received," he says. One of his first co-productions is F1, the upcoming movie with Brad Pitt and a more diverse vision of the circuit, including a female technical director. "That was important to me. I lived with my dad, but I was really raised by my two mums and my two sisters. I grew up around a lot of female energy, powerful women. Most of the people on my team are women. The women hold it down." And, of course, there is Pitt playing a driver in his fifties. "That was a tricky part for me," Hamilton says, "because, shoot, of course we want Brad. But I was like, there is no way a 58 year old can compete with a twenty year old. These guys have got nothing going on but to race. And they're fit. So we had to work around this narrative, telling him how much harder he would have to train to get in shape." Hamilton himself is old for an F1 driver, most of whom retire in their thirties. His replacement at Mercedes, the Italian Kimi Antonelli, has only just turned eighteen. You could be his dad, I say, and Hamilton laughs like this hadn't actually occurred to him. "Honestly, right now I feel I'm healthier than I've ever been," he says. "I'm in such a good place, physically and mentally. My reaction times are still quicker than the young guys. I think I'm a better driver than I was at 22. I was just young, energetic and ruthless, but no finesse, no balance. I didn't know how to be a team player, how to be a leader. Being a good racing driver, it's not just about being fast. It's about being the most rounded. When I study the legends, they're spread between small percentages, so it's the whole package. What do they speak for, stand for? That's what I look at. I look to Ayrton Senna and Nelson Mandela, and those are the two people gelled together that I want to be."

Senna used to cross himself before every race. Like him, Hamilton was raised a Catholic. "I pray every time before I race," he says. "I pray that everyone is safe." Motor racing is far less dangerous than it used to be, but people still die. I ask Hamilton if he fears death when he drives. "I don't, no," he says. "But still, we're traveling at crazy speeds. You have to respect it. So that's why I'm conscious of the time I spend with my family, with my mum. Is this the last time I get to hug her? Because you just don't know. Nothing is guaranteed." Hamilton is single, but he would like to have a family. "One day. I wouldn't be able to do what I do to the level that I do it today with that. One of my best friends has just had a kid and I'm seeing how manic it is. And my nieces and nephew are a handful. There will be a time and a place for it, and I can't wait for that part. But right now I have some work to do."

[yarpharp]

The one thing I have a lot of personal, PERSONAL beef with about the entire Solas/Elvhen vs. City Elves/Dalish thing is simple: a lot of people in this fandom keep ignoring that this is one huge allegory for generational trauma and colonialism. Including Solas.

Maybe it hits home harder with me, especially because the real world inspirations the writers admit to using are Natives. And boy, I see the bones that make up the Dalish are absolutely Native-coded.

Constantly hunted? Constantly looked down upon for trying to keep to their traditions, even if the memories aren't as complete as they once were? Their very positive views on magic and the spiritual that run counter to common belief? Their religion is outlawed by the DA equivalent of the Christian church? The illegal verses of the Chant speaking about Chartan? The facial tattoos, the traveling camps, their attention to raising wild breeds of painted horses (the famed Dalish All-Bred in DA:I), the harts, following the migrations of the halla?

And then factor in the City Elf vs. Dalish experience. It reflects a lot of the same issues we have now. "City Indians" vs. "Rez Indians." The arguments about blood-quantum parallel a lot with the "elf-blooded" shit in DA. They don't have the ears, but they were raised like an elf! It reminds me of a very small dialogue in The Masked Empire between Fiona and Michel de Chevin, where Fiona immediately clocked him as half-elf because he never treated her poorly or called her slurs and subconsciously ducked his head slightly in doorways like he expected to bump his head in an alienage shack. Michel clings to his Chevalier code desperately, because if anyone found out he was half-elf, he'd be tossed back into the Alienages. It's peak "You're mixed but you can pass as white" coding in my eyes.

So then Solas rolls up, shitting on all the existing elves, calling them "children" and decrying them as idiots clinging to barely-remembered bits of history.... Good God, you ass. Like, I get it. I'm sure if one of my ancestors appeared before me and saw what has become of our people, they'd be horrified. But idk, there is also pride to be had in resisting and enduring and outlasting every government's attempt to erase what they see as a subpar culture.

When he asks "Did I judge the Dalish too harshly?" I always wanna just reach through the screen and go "YEAH ACTUALLY"

[dairy-farmer]

Trigger Warning: Rape, underage, forced pregnancy, and forced 'incest'.

So, backstory/inspiration, there's this explicit sex (eroge) computer game that came out in 2006 and is highly, highly controversial. It's called Rapelay and the 'plot' is that you play as a chikan (train molester) who gets caught but manages to get off because he's related to an important figure and proceeds to take his revenge on the teenager who caught him as well as her young sister and mother. You can find more about it here if you're interested: (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/RapeLay)

Anyway! On to the Batman stuff!!❤️❤️

A highly controversial eroge game is discovered/released on the deep Web called Rape Robin. The player character (PC) is a goon caught up in a bust by Batman and Co. and plots his (sexual) revenge; First Robin, then Nightwing, then Red Hood, and finishing off with Red Robin.

The PC is a meta with a paralyzing touch, which is how he captures the Robins, different scenarios for each hero, and since the game uses anime style character models they don't look like the real deal obviously but the Creator still took some liberties: Robin is modeled after when he first arrived and was still a cute 10-year-old shota and is made white with brown eyes, Nightwing is given green eyes and one of those anime womb tattoos as a tramp stamp, Red Hood is a redhead and has lots of aesthetically pleasing scars (the Lazarus pit means Jason actually has the fewest scars in the family), and Red Robin is trans. The game also assumes/states that they are all blood-related. The game uses stock sound effects, interspersed with actual lines from the Bats which were obviously lifted from onlookers videos from battles (Luckily, a lot of fighting sounds also sound sexual) so there are lots of gasps and screams and pained sounds and such.

Robin's section involves luring him away from Nightwing before paralyzing him and taking him somewhere else. It emphasize a 'break the haughty' feel, forcing the proud and arrogant Robin to choke on your cock before fucking him.

Nightwing is lured in by playing a recording of Robin crying. He's tired up shibari style to accentuate his flexibility, and fucked in front of/on top of Robin.

Red Hood is caught the same way (with a comment from the PC about how any child crying would have probably worked). PC gets to tit fuck Hood's pecs and cum on his face before forcing him over a table or something and hitting it from the back.

Red Robin is caught trying to rescue the others. The creator decided on the domino RR costume instead of the cowl. PC Discovers that RR is a 'girl' (there are some complaints that that is transphobic, making him 'really a girl' instead of just a trans man. Others helpful point out that the game involves raping a child and that there may be bigger issues than the creators transphobia). RR is a virgin and the PC makes a big deal over stealing RR's first time.

Damian, Dick, and Jason all have copies hidden really really well on their closed system computers -even though they were all incredibly furious and raging about the game at first- because after beating (it to) the 'main story', bonus modes unlock including pregnancy mode for Red Robin (it has some bonus dialogue and switches his character model to a pregnant one), taking the bats to various Gotham landmarks to fuck, little costumes and accessories like cat ears or different era Robin costumes and different cosplay outfits, and 'Humiliation Mode' which most people refer to as 'Forced Incest Mode', which let's players 'force' the Robins to fuck. (Robin can only be used to penetrate RR because the creator thought 'it would look silly for Robin to top Nightwing or Hood').

Dick, Jason, and Damian all getting off to the idea of fucking and even impregnating Tim. Tim may or may not be aware of the games existence, and he definitely doesn't know that his brothers all have a copy 😔. And who knows, maybe playing a game won't be enough forever and one of them may try to make it a reality (at least the Tim fucking bit❤️).

~🦇❤️

dicktim, jaytim, damitim

!!!!!!!! the way dick, jason, and damian would play at denouncing and rolling their eyes at the game but absolutely all play it for tim's route, when an extended copy gets made they're the first to preorder. they absolutely use the game to fulfill the desperate shameful fantasies they have about tim ❤️

[14dayswithyou]

So I just played through the game for the first time and was hit with a terrible thought. In my game, I said that teo and I had had a “fling.” I then realized that Ren, like Teo, has tattoos. So that got me thinking.

What if Ren started getting tattoos because he saw what MC was doing with Teo? He was trying so hard to become everything MC wanted, only to find out that MC was just using Teo as “safe dick,” and didn’t actually care about the tattoos at all.

He may have found that he really likes tattoos, and so he designed them his own way. But there’s NO WAY that MC hooking up with a Big Tattoo Guy (multiple times, according to Teo) wouldn’t have effected his aesthetic at that time. So I wanted to ask, did he have those tattoos before MC met Teo? Or were they reactive?

✦゜ANSWERED: Canonically, Ren gave himself tattoos at a young age out of his own accord!! I spoke about it a year ago here, and very recently here.

Non-canonically (but something Ren would definitely do), is that he would take aspects from Teo's appearance if Angel was genuinely interested in him. Ren's entire shtick is mimicking Angel's hyper-fixations and turning himself into their ideal type — and if that happens to be Teo — then so be it. He'll take inspiration from the way he dresses, how he acts, and the tattoos he gets.

From a storyteller standpoint, however; Teo is supposed to be Ren's narrative foil! I spoke about this topic briefly in the Discord server, but they share a lot of similar characteristics (contrasting colour palette, conflicting personalities, two-tone hair, snake vs koi fish tattoos, 2 gold rings vs 2 gold earrings, etc.). So the tattoos were a deliberate choice!! However, they're not meant to signify that they're the same character or anything. It's just a way for me to kinda show (not tell) that despite two characters being "the same", they can be completely different as well.

But from and even more literal standpoint, Teo is also the direct derivative of 2017!Ren! In the very first version of 14DWY, Teo didn't even exist at all. But when remaking the game, I figured people wouldn't like Ren [with Teo's personality], so I changed him completely. I didn't want to completely scrap the "toxic playboy" character though, so I turned him into Teo and never looked back since

(I looked back once and now half the fandom are in love with him T_T /silly)

[sapphosewrites]

Hey! I was just wondering if, in your latest Trektober story about body mods/tattoos, you had particular designs in mind for each of the characters (I think it was Miles, Kira, Jadzia, Julian, and Sisko mentioned offscreen?)

Oooh GREAT question! I'm not totally sure, but some thoughts:

Miles said he got one along with his fellow non-commissioned officers during the border wars. I don't think it's something as obvious as the starfleet delta, and I don't think individual companies/troops/crews/whatever have their own symbols, but it has to be something uniting and referential to their shared experiences. A reference to an inside joke, something they all saw, a place they all went? A memorial tattoo for one of their own who didn't make it? Do they think it's a fun joke but also kind of a point of pride to get an old school navy tattoo, like an anchor?

Kira's are described as small, scattered, and done by hand in the underground. I was thinking about stick and poke tattoos of the kind people give each other in college dorms. They often have a sketchy, scratchy sort of vibe to them. I also think there would be a lot of curves and circular shapes, to honor the orbs and be in alignment with what we see of Bajoran architecture, even though circles are hard to do well with stick and pokes. And, in the tradition of punk diy tattooing, they don't have to have really deep complex meaning- like maybe there's a raindrop because they were stuck in a cave in the rain and that was what was on their minds, for example. A leaf that looked neat.

Jadzia's I mentioned was some kind of traditional joining tattoo. For some reason I'm thinking about mandalas, something geometric and very intricate, with lots of layers and depth. Maybe the symbiont themselves each have an individual tattoo, and it gets expanded on in each life? Maybe the number of lives or names of past hosts is incorporated somehow? I also think Jadzia learns about Kira's and then asks Kira to give her one in that style, and maybe she also gives Kira one too, so not all Kira's tattoos are from the resistance but she can continue this old tradition in her new life, and not all Jadzia's are tied to her past lives either?

Julian kind of writes his off in the ficlet as childish rebellion but obviously we as the audience know that his desire to reclaim his bodily autonomy separate from his parents is much more than just teen angst. For sure I think he has an IDIC tattoo. He also, sadly, seems like the type to get one in another language that you were told means 'strength' but actually means 'potato,' or something like that. (I do not think the existence of the universal translator stops this kind of problem.) At one point I wrote a trektober ficlet where he has a phoenix on his back, which I think could be very meaningful, but he wouldn't get it until later seasons. Maybe something medical too. Oh, like maybe one of those tattoos that's designed to look like the muscle or bone that would be beneath the skin? Only somewhere you can cover it up in case that squicks out your patients. (God, maybe one of those tattoos designed to look like the skin has been peeled away and there's gears and mechanical stuff underneath. Telling on himself as publicly as he can about what he is.)

Sisko was mentioned as having gotten one as a cadet to impress Jennifer. I think this would be very much an on-trend tattoo, not about personal meaning to him but about whatever was popular for young adults to get tattooed on Earth that year. We also know from canon that he's very proud of his collection of African art, so maybe as a slightly older adult he gets tattoos inspired by his favorite pieces. I don't know the specific nationalities or cultures his collection comes from, but there are many with meaningful tattooing traditions. I also wonder if he's the kind of person to get Jake's name and birthday, or something other commemorative tat, after Jake is born. (Some people have things like a flower for each of their kids. I don't think that's his exact vibe, but something Jake-related.) And I think he has a tattoo artist in New Orleans that he's loyal to and that's the only place he'll get his done.

[leohtttbriar]

this entire episode was incredibly fraught and it's conclusion was almost willfully blind and offensive but also it definitely reveals a lot about the paradigm of thought in which the voyager writers were operating. like, i kept wondering since i started watching voyager why they felt the need to make up a tribe instead of grounding chakotay in the many real people of indigenous american communities. and i guess this episode, "tattoo," offered their reasoning for that choice. as baffling and ill-conceived and un-creative as that reasoning is.

see. there was one moment in this episode where i thought the story they were telling wasn't about to be the most frustrating thing ever. this moment was when young-chakotay references how other tribes are not living in the past, but his and his father's is. the simple idea that not all people are one and the same, that indigenous communities can be and are distinct and not a single amalgamation easily filed under one label, as well as the idea that tribes yet exist--that they are not and have not been vanishing. i thought, after this conversation, that the story was going to go on like a wakanda-type route, where the "fantasy" and "myth" chakotay is criticizing above is actually just a specific sort of highly-developed and protected tech and the people of his tribe were isolationists. i thought when we first saw that peaceful symbol on the alien planet that we were about to be treated to an alternate yet hidden history of a tribe from earth having achieved space-travel far before anyone else from earth did and kept it secret. i thought that might justify, a little bit, making up a tribe instead of picking one and hiring several consultants/writers for the writing room.

obviously, i thought wrong. more fool me--like this episode came out the same decade as dances with wolves. i genuinely should've known better.

i think one of the main mistakes (informed by the umbrella ""mistake"" (i.e. profound and deliberate crimes again humanity) of violent and merciless colonialism, which continues to inform how people interact with the world and will continue to do so for as long as we can imagine) is the treatment of the "myth" and "fantasy." like, another made-up indigenous people in star trek is the bajoran people in ds9, which i think exposes a lot of the writers' perspectives about chakotay. i don't think it's a coincidence that they made the leader of the maquis cell that had to be absorbed into the voyager crew explicitly indigenous. or that said leader had a whole situationship with a bajoran character who thinks very, very little of starfleet and janeway. these are all part of the same creative impulse. and it's a rich idea, started in ds9 and continued into voyager--the maquis, their relationship to bajor and cardassia and the federation, and what their principles are. and through that idea, you can see that the 90s star trek writers were trying to draw from real-world indigenous resistance to shape these freedom-fighters as well as from real-world indigenous insight to shape the bajoran (and chakotay's) spirituality. in that: they made the spirituality "real."

the bajoran deities are real beings. thus the bajoran people have a super special relationship to the land. and the deities are material and there. chakotay's spirituality also is "real", in that it has a direct effect on the material happenings in an episode. this sort of thing can either be: spirituality is drawn from the material world/material insights and human consciousness is a very powerful thing OR these particular people have a "magical" connection to nature. based on everything to do with these spiritualities i've seen in these two shows, it definitely feels like they were going more for the latter.

and then in this episode (!) they make the writing decision to explicitly say that all indigenous people in the americas were inspired by and directly gained wisdom from a bunch of special aliens who wanted to make sure the land of earth was protected and so appointed all the american indigenous people as guardians. like they were One people who both had a super special connection to the land and had to be given that special connection and didn't, like, historically shape and influence and change the ecosystems and flora and fauna in permanent and far-reaching ways, over many tens of thousands of years and many types of tech and city-building and migration patterns and cultural practices, all as or more diverse than the land they were living on.

the reluctance to attribute cerebrality and deliberately produced technology to anyone not of western european descent is just so so present in this episode and in the character of chakotay. him and the bajorans--their gods are real and their myths are real and not the product of richly-thought traditions and reasoning practices. no, their religion is thus far un-evolved. they're not like the white american characters who aren't praying to jesus bc christ is a made-up god and those white people have moved on (""evolved"" maybe, ughhh) and separated themselves from nature and their base instincts about religiosity. no they still pray to their gods who can absolutely answer their prayers if they wanted to.

the thing is. it's just oppression 101 to construct a binary and make one half of that binary Human Beings with Great Minds and the other half Adjacent Human Beings Who Are Close to Nature. like all the oppressions work through that basic framework.

the impulse to use indigeneity as an entry point into environmentalism isn't ridiculous. but people (i mean, white european "philosophy") miss the whole step where the reason you often see tribes making such headway with environmental activism is because they are being politically astute and they recognize that "land" being abstracted in the way it has been since Locke (and obviously before that but Locke is the most relevant thinker in terms of like land policy?) is actually irrational. you can't just build a tube of poison over a water-source. that is Idiotic. that is a thing that Unthinking beings do. iron eyes cody crying over pollution on a highway is not an accurate representation of the land-rights justice that tribes all over the americas have been fighting for.

the thing about "myth" and "fantasy" is that they are philosophies. they inform and represent great abstract and fully-reasoned ideas. and this episode so easily could've been about that. when we start with the flashback of young chakotay noticing the symbol on the rock and his dad praising him and chakotay saying "i only saw it because of a lizard," i thought that could be a way to show how lived experiences allow different people to notice different things about the world. it's not magic, it's practice and thought. but the episode just goes on and on, getting further and further into the racist ideas of the innocent and close-to-nature natives, the "noble savage", and the idea that any great insight originating in a non-white people came from aliens.

(and somehow these biases get transported to the bajoran characters, all of whom are actually played by white characters, which shows how these biases are an actual paradigm and not some sort of 'instinctual prejudice' like racists like to claim their racism is--i.e., not their fault and can't be unlearned.)

this got me thinking about "far beyond the stars." how it works as a futurism and as a comment on racism now. how the futurism is in fact an argument: that the future belongs to everyone; that exploration and great thoughts and great adventures belong to everyone; how this can be framed as inevitable because it is right; how imagining it so is the first step towards actualization; how people are thinkers and they will make a world that is so expansive and so egalitarian that a black man will captain and discover and exist in the stars and among wonder and different people and so much life. and this works as a speculative piece because there is present in its foundation the idea is justice is not retrospective. as going back is impossible, people build forward. sisko imagines forward, and even as he's imagining backward to being a scifi writer in the 20th century, he's still imagining forward.

this episode, "tattoo," completely misses how "far beyond the stars" functioned. how speculation and futurism work as commentaries on the past and the now. it's particular and personal and doesn't imply that an alien species is the reason for any future liberation. or that innocence is a virtue. or that such innocence is due to "protecting the land" (which means one thing and one thing only) and thus gives one magical powers over the weather.

personally, i think chakotay should've found descendants of his tribe from earth on that alien planet--not aliens. i think the episode should've been about how that symbol for peace or something was a symbol for some sort of logical proof of sorts and these descendants should've used it as a technology that could affect the weather through some sci-fi star-treky technobabble that enables telepathy. i think this advancement should've been fundamentally rooted in what the descendants learned long ago on earth by studying the stars and birds and building cities and pyramids. philosophies that are entrenched and informed by a deep understanding of the natural world, expressed not just through tech but through spiritual practice, while not being relegated to """"primitivity.""""

but also i'm definitely not the best person to ask. and the main problem here is that they made up a tribe and put themselves in a position of not really being able to ask anyone.

like i loved chakotay being able to reexamine his past and his relationship to his father and his connection to the galaxy at large. i loved that he found a semi-home so so far away from his own planet. i love that they wrote a character doing that, finding a place of true belonging seventy-thousand light years away. i think that's an interesting as well as important story to tell. but the framing and argument provided in the episode undercut that story so much.

anyway as i am not the person to ask, i'll just leave this excerpt from a paper written by a much much smarter person than me about a sci-fi movie made by navajo filmmaker nanobah becker about the project of cultivating mars:

"Science Fiction, Westerns, and the Vital Cosmo-ethics of The 6th World," Salma Monani

[tired-teacher-blog]

Characters : Tattoo artist Aizawa/ Florist fem reader

Featuring : Eri/ Hizashi Yamada/ Nemuri Kayama/ Oboro Shirakumo/ Emi Fukukado

Warnings and Genre : Fluff/ Romance/ Smut and Angst in future chapters/ Multi Chaptered Story

Summary : In a desperate attempt to get closer to the tattoo artist dominating every speck of your brain, you decide to pay him a visit one evening as a client seeking his service. This encounter will prove to be the beginning of something much bigger between you two, but will this new found passion be enough to stand against the difficulties your future holds?

Notes : Loosely inspired by this/ Art below is by the wonderful @/ael-draw who gifted me this gorgeous piece.

Masterlist|Second Masterlist|Third Masterlist

Chapter Count : Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 • Part 5 • Part 6 • Part 7 • Part 8 • Part 9 • Part 10 • Part 11

_ "I was so excited today when dad told me you were coming!" little Eri squeals enthusiastically while holding your hand and jumping with every word.

_ "I wouldn't have missed it for the world, we'll have lots of fun right?" you respond with the same level of excitement before picking her up in your arms and twirling her around as lively giggles escaped you both.

_ "Alright don't move, stay like that for a moment." your boyfriend appears with his camera in hand, ready to snap yet another photo of the two of you.

It's a habit of his, capturing moments like this to keep as a memory, and printing them out to frame, and you've grown so used to it that sometimes you strike a pose without waiting for him to ask.

_ "Good job girls, you look beautiful," he smiles dotingly before tucking his camera away and joining you, "dinner is ready." he announces with a smile before planting a soft kiss on his daughter's cheek, and another on your lips, lingering a bit until hearing Eri's playful protests.

You can never explain or understand how, but moments like this, when you're together with them, talking, laughing, playing, without a care in the world, moments like this are what makes you the happiest, so if heaven ever existed, then this is yours.

_ "This tastes so good Shouta, you did wonderful." your eyes widen in surprise as you take your first bite.

_ "That's right dad! Good job." little Eri chimes in with an adorable little giggle lacing her words.

This is shaping up to be a wonderful evening that both you and your boyfriend desperatly needed, especially after the hell you've been in for weeks..

You needn't think of that right now, you will at least have a little peace of mind tonight.

The doorbell suddenly rings once, one loud ding that interrupts your happy chattering and gets you all snapping your heads up in surprise.

_ "I'll see who it is." your boyfriend announces with a smile before setting down his half empty glass of water and standing up to do just that.

Your eyes shift to little Eri who seems uninterested in the newcomer as she carried on with her meal, unlike you who are now wondering who it might be.

It's possible that this is one of his friends, he did take the day off -as did you- to spend it whole with both Eri and yourself, so maybe something happened at work that he needed to learn about.

_ "Oh hello."

That voice, it's strange, yet so familiar, who does it belong to? If only you had the guts to look up and see who's looming over you right now.

_ "So we meet again, flower girl."

There it is, the same condescending tone that's been hunting you for weeks, you know whose it is, but refuse to believe it.

_ "That's enough Emi!"

Only now did you finally lift your head up to see the furious look in your boyfriend's eyes as he glared at the same beautiful woman who visited you a few weeks ago, and whom you wished to never see again.

_ "H.. hi, nice to see you again." you hurriedly stand up and bow to the woman who doesn't reciprocate the gesture.

Her name catches your attention though, Emi.. you could swear you've heard it before, but can't for the life of you remember anything about it.

Aizawa pushes his way between the two of you and gently holds your hands, the frightening expression of earlier is now replaced with a soft one , and it makes you feel secure despite the situation, "would you please take Eri to her room? I'll explain everything later."

You do not question him, and simply nod in approval before extending your hand to a confused Eri, whose innocent eyes kept traveling between the three adults surrounding her..

_ "Aren't you going to ask?" you hear the smirk in her question even with your back facing them both, but you keep a steady step towards Eri's room because you know you weren't the one meant to respond.

Aizawa says nothing too, not before making sure you've disappeared behind Eri's door, and then you hear it:

_ "You tracked her down? What is it you want exactly?" his voice reaches you clearly, even though you aren't in the same room as them anymore.

He sounds furious and it's scary, where did your gentle boyfriend disappear? There is obviously so much you don't know about their past, and the realization is making you feel like a total stranger.

_ "You know exactly what I want so don't play dumb with me! You went ahead and got yourself a little plaything after I entrusted you with our daughter! How could you expose her to that?"

Of course, it's Eri's mother, that's why her name sounded familiar, it's because Shouta had told you about her before.

_ "What's going on? What does that woman want with dad?" Eri's sweet and worried voice brings you back to reality, it isn't the time for self-pity, because this clueless little girl who -by the looks of it- is unaware that she was in the presence of her mother only moments ago, is in need of some reassurance right now, and it's your job to provide.

_ "Oh this is just a grown-ups discussion, it's nothing to worry about sweetie I promise," you bend down to her level and smile through your lie before carrying on, "how about we watch a few more episodes of your favorite show? We can do it on my phone."

_ "Really?! Yes let's do it!" her attention immediately shifts towards the new topic as she starts jumping in excitement, and her innocence melts your heart.

You tuck her in bed and take a seat at the edge of it before handing her your phone and connecting it to her headset, she doesn't need to hear any of the arguments outside, you on the other hand, are understandably restless, but still keep your calm demeanor in front of her..

_ "You can see her whenever you want, I already told you this, but I will never give her up." he sounds more hurt than upset, and it breaks your heart to pieces.

_ "I just.. I don't want to lose either one of you again, Shouta please, can't you give me another chance? If not for me, then at least for our daughter's sake."

Another chance..

Her words felt like acid poured in your ears, and you cannot bring yourself to hear his response.

You press your hands to your ears as your mind turned into a tangled mess, what if he says yes? It would be perfect for all of them actually, especially for little Eri who would finally have her mom around like she deserves, but where would that leave you?

You glance at the sweet girl leaning her head on your shoulder, and wonder if it's your place to be in her room right now when her mother isn't, maybe it was never your place to begin with, you have been longing for somewhere to belong and someone to love until you met him, and it felt perfect, too good to be true in fact, but maybe that's just what it is.. too good to be true.

If there is a way for them to be happy together, then what gives you the right to selfishly take it away?

_ "Hey, did you hear me?" a gentle tap on your arm brings you to your senses, and it's him, smiling sweetly like he always does, but for some reason, this same smile that usually warms up your heart, is now filling you with nothing but dread.

_ "Oh I'm sorry, I didn't see you walk in," you force out a chuckle and turn to check on Eri, only to find her already deep in slumber, "oh look, she's already asleep."

How long have you been out of it anyway? Apparently long enough for Eri to doze off and for your boyfriend to come in unnoticed.

_ "She is," his gaze lingers on the little angel's sprawled frame before shifting to you, "listen, I'm sorry about what happened out there, it's.."

_ "What? No it was nothing, come on," you avoid his eyes and fix Eri's pillow before planting a gentle peck on her temple and taking your phone back, "I just hope everything goes well, so just do whatever's good for Eri."

He doesn't reply, a blank expression on his face as he watches you approaching, and you can almost see the wheels turning in his head.

You grab onto his shirt and lean closer to capture his lips, and he freezes for a second before melting into the kiss..

_ "Shouta, I'll be here for as long as you'll have me." you had to say those words, even if you're certain that your time together is nearing its end, you -at least- want him to know how much he means to you.

He smiles wearily as his eyes bored into yours, he seems exhausted and clearly reluctant to talk so you don't push it, and instead prepare to leave so he would have a chance to think things over, but he stops you in your tracks with a pleading look on his face before leaning his head on your shoulder.

_ "Please don't go.." is what he heavily breathes out while clutching onto your arms.

Of course you'll stay and be the pillar he desperatly needs, because who knows, maybe this would be the last time you'll have the chance..

To be continued..

[sweetcarrotsandroses97]

Aşk-ı Memnu | JJK

Pairing: non idol! Jungkook x fem! married! Reader

Summary: What is prohibited, it's desired the most. Or in which you tangle yourself in a forbidden love with Jeon Jungkook while being married to an older man. Yet it is also said that forbidden fruits taste the best.

Warnings: fluff, angst, forbidden love, food ingestion, cheating, age gap, mentions of sex, alcohol consumption (during dinner), lying, mentions of death, reader is described to be shorter than Jungkook, (let me know if I missed anything)

Word Count: 1.8k

~Prompt 3: Saying “I love you” for the first time

~Snowflakes divider by @samspenandsword

~Prompt list by @flightlessangelwings

A/N: This short story was highly inspired by the Turkish novel of the same name "Aşk-ı Memnu" which translates as "Forbidden Love" in English. Let me know what you thought of this controversial story in the comments!

You can listen to the series' music on Spotify to get into ambience as it helped me a lot to write this. Just search it with the same Turkish name. Happy reading everyone!

Love knows no boundaries. Love is untamable, like the sea. Like a flame. It exists, it consumes. It destroys.

It was cold outside, the night was heavy over the city. Snow was falling from the sky yet the house was warm. The clicking of the cutlery against the expensive china plates could be heard along with the flickering flames of the fireplace.

You sat next to your husband, the man clearly enjoying his dinner and you couldn't help but smile softly at his praises for the new cook.

"So, tell me Seokjin. How is your father?"

Asked your husband, a rich business man by the name of Lee Yong-su. Seokjin smiled against his glass of wine, he put it down and looked at your husband, the two men happily engaging in conversation.

"He's quite well, actually. His treatment is going smoothly and we expect a complete recovery by the end of February."

"Give him my regards when you see him, Seokjin."

The young businessman turned to look at you, bowing his head softly at you not minding at all the fact that you were younger than him.

"Of course, Mrs. Lee."

You smiled kindly at him before the conversation between Seokjin and your husband took place once more. You continued to enjoy your dinner, allowing your thoughts to wander for a bit.

The marriage with your husband had been really controversial given the age difference between you both and the fact that he already had two children with his other wife that you knew had passed away.

Nisun was the oldest. A seventeen year old girl who resented you for taking the place of her mother. Munwoo was the youngest, he was twelve and the innocent boy never ceased to claim that if you ever divorced his father, he'd marry you instead for he had always wanted to marry a beautiful woman when he was of age.

You found it cute whenever he mentioned something like that, only smiling at Munwoo before he got distracted with his videogames once more.

But those weren't the only people that lived in the mansion when you married your husband. There was someone else. A person you had met before you became Yong-su's wife.

Jeon Jungkook.

You knew that he was the only son of one of your husband's closest friends that had sadly died in a car accident when Jungkook was barely five years old. Yong-su had taken him under his wing, providing for him and taking care of him as if he were his own son.

Jungkook was also twenty-six, just like you. And that was the first motive so as to why you two clicked so easily. Yet that fact was the beginning of a web of lies and passion that you had never thought you’d be a part of. 

He was also very handsome, a sleeve of tattoos adorned his right arm, his lip and eyebrow were pierced and his hair was rebellious like his soul. Jungkook was a really attractive man and, according to his own phrasing, you were the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. 

Lust ruled your relationship with the son of your husband’s best friend. Desires of the body, flames of the heart. Feelings were never involved, or at least that was what was planned in the very beginning. 

But to be honest, nothing was ever planned. This mess you were now tangled in started with a glance, continued with a kiss and ended with you in his bed. Sentiment was never supposed to happen. Everything was dominated by a mutual carnal infatuation. 

You weren’t in love with your husband. The marriage had only been a great opportunity for you and your soft revenge on your cruel mother but Yong-su was deeply in love with you. To him, it didn’t matter the nearly twenty years age gap between you both. It didn’t matter that he had been married before. It didn’t matter he already had two children. He loved you, he cherished you, he wanted you almost in a fierceful way. 

“Darling, are you alright? You aren’t usually this quiet during dinner.”

Looking at your right, you met the concerned gaze of your husband, you smiled slightly though not fully. 

“I’m alright, I just have a headache.”

Yong-su frowned, you felt the eyes of everyone on you, even Jungkook’s gaze. It burned you to even know he was looking at you. 

“Don’t worry about me, dearest.”

Silence filled the room after those words left your lips before soft conversations began to arise once more on the table. The children started talking about a new movie that was going to come out next week while your husband and Seokjin talked about business. Jungkook was still looking at you and you were able to read the concern in his dark eyes. 

You smiled at him, ever so delicately and he nodded subtly. Taking in your silent reassurance as he resumed his dinner. 

Butterflies flew in your stomach at his concern. At what you had seen in his eyes. Those hidden emotions behind his gaze. A dark galaxy you loved getting yourself lost in. The place where you found comfort during lonely nights and a refuge when your soul tormented you. Yet the fact that your love was forbidden only made you want it more. It attracted you more. You desired it more. You needed it more. Needed him. As if you were metal and Jungkook was your magnet. Like a forbidden fruit. Prohibited yet delicious.

“Are you alright?”

You knew that voice. Its raspiness did things to you that shouldn’t happen as a married woman. His deep voice always captivated you. You turned around, facing Jungkook. He stood in the kitchen’s doorway, leaning against the frame as his gaze pierced your own with intensity that a shiver ran down your spine.

"Yes, I just took a pill for the headache. Don't worry, Jungkook."

He frowned softly at your last sentence, uncrossing his arms as he walked towards you with his large steps. Your breath hitched in your throat when he stood in front of you a little too close for it to be proper.

"I always worry about you, (y/n)."

You swallowed, not knowing what to say. Nothing came to your mind. There were no words in your mouth to express, no thoughts in your mind to keep you busy.

"You matter to me more than you could imagine."

You looked aside, trying to break free from this chain he held you in. You took a deep breath, eyes focusing on your nearly empty glass of water that rested on the counter.

"Stop it, someone could hear us."

He took another step towards you, eyes never leaving your form as he gazed down at you.

"Uncle Yong-su is in his study with Kim Seokjin,"

His fingers grabbed your chin ever so softly, turning your head so that your eyes met his before he continued in a soft murmur.

"and the children are already upstairs."

His hand cupped your face while his thumb caressed your cheek in delicate touches. His dark eyes took you in; your beauty, your personality. Your essence.

Your hand rested atop his own. Even when the feeling of his skin against your own burned you with desire and adoration, you weren't allowed to show your sentiment freely.

"I don't want to risk it, Jungkook."

He smirked at your whispered words. Daring to take another step until your chests were almost touching. His warm and minty breath fanned your face and you, once more, lost yourself in his enchanting eyes that held your whole world.

"Risk what, (y/n)? Us? Are you that scared of my love for you to be known to the world?"

Your eyes widened at his words. You took a step back in pure instinct, forcing his hand to leave your cheek as you shook your head in silent motions of hidden despair.

"Because I love you, (y/n). I have for a while. And it only keeps growing in my heart."

You took a deep breath, trying to process everything that was leaving his mouth, wrapping your head around the fact that Jungkook was in love with you. If anything, it complicated things even more yet that didn't mean you craved it any less.

"You can't. Jungkook, you can't love me."

His hands were on your shoulders the next second making a soundless gasp leave your lips. His eyes bore into yours like never before that you nearly felt his soul touch your own.

"But I do. And I do not regret it."

You stood in silence, never breaking eye contact with him. Why now? Why did he have to say such a thing now?

"If you do not love me, say it. Say it and nothing left my mouth. Say it and I'll try to stop."

But how could you say that you didn't love him when your heart beats for him and only him? How could you tell such a lie when you loved him more than your life?

"Jungkook, I-"

"Love, are you there?"

The voice of your husband was heard from around the corner. Your eyes widened in fear and Jungkook put a finger over his lips, signalling you to stay quiet as he went to hide behind a wall, opposite from the kitchen's entrance.

You turned around in time to face your husband crossing the doorway with a soft smile on his lips.

"Yes, I just took a pill for my headache."

Yong-su frowned and walked over to you, eyes searching on your own with concern.

"Are you alright? I need you to sign some documents but if you are not feeling right you can do it later."

Your eyes momentarily looked at where Jungkook was hiding before you shook your head with a smile.

"It's alright, I can do it now."

Yong-su nodded, walking out of the kitchen with you behind him. But just as you were about to leave the room, you turned to look back only to spot Jungkook peeking out from around the wall upon hearing your fading footsteps.

With your heart skipping a beat, you sent him a subtle nod. The trace of a smile over your lips before you disappeared behind the wall.

And it was in that moment that he smiled to himself, feeling his heart beating wildly in his chest upon the silent confirmation of your love for him.

It didn't matter if it was prohibited, that it was a sin. That you were betraying your husband with Jungkook. For you were his forbidden fruit he should not even gaze at but your essence was addictive he couldn't think to stop himself. Not now, not ever, because love knows no boundaries. Love is untamable, like the sea. Like a flame. It exists, it consumes. It destroys.

December/15/2023

☕Caffeinate me so I can keep on writing! ☕

[softdykellie]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ motion sickness part ii | ellie w.

previous part here | next part here soon

PAIRING: modern!ellie x fem!reader

SUMMARY: having grown up together, everyone knew eachother in jackson. when a brooding newcomer owner to a tattoo shop comes along apparently charming her friendly florist neighbor things seem to take a turn.

WARNING: alternative universe! purposefully all lower case. multiple part series. not a very eventful beginning as ellie’s relationship with reader is slow burn but it will start evolving after this one seriously trust me!

WORD COUNT: 632

ellie. you tasted her name on your tongue and melted into the feeling, flushed. dina had certainly manifested her wishes into fruition, you thought. stared at the girl for way too long, getting familiar with her features and vacant gaze towards the alcohol filled shelves against the main bar wall, freckles like starry war paint, eyebrow scar, pale green iris, peach pink lips, auburn hair gently brushing her shoulder at length. breathtaking, you immediately named the feeling, but she looked worn, tossed around. you blamed it on the bruised eye, caught onto sky grey vibes.

a silly game blossomed into your heart years ago, the inspiration for your flower shop really: how everyone you meet could be described by the floral language. dina thought hers too common, but it was your favorite, a daisy, standing for loyal love and “i’ll never tell”. jesse, a white jasmin, sweet love, amiability. even abby, coriander. you did not know the girl at all, but you saw red carnations grow behind her in the way spiritualists would claim to see auras. red carnations; “my heart aches”.

“flower shop girl, yes, that’d be me”

“cute” she mumbled sipping on the beer dina had given her before promptly pretending to be busy elsewhere though noticebly eavesdropping.

“you’ve got a lot of tattoos on you” jesse pointed matter of factly, earning a chuckle “perks of the job?”

“the job” ellie repeated his words in light humor as if minimizing her own career with the sound “yeah, i guess. you want one?”

“fuck, yeah! maybe a dragon up my back or or you know a snake, i don’t know, what do you usually draw?”

“pretty things” she answered before taking you off guard with a head movement that pointed you out amongst them all “like her” she twisted her body around to meet your face “what would you get, flower girl? roses?”

“the sun” you answered “what does that say about me?”

ellie smiled a weak smile, raising the sleeve of her grey t-shirt to expose a beaming sun by her bicep, detailed sad expression in black ink across its center. you took notice of everything. ferns and a moth grew from her hand to the very end of her forearm and covered scars you could only assume to have been self inflicted. a sword pierced through the spare space of skin next to a phoenix and finally angel wings alongside a well hidden initial: J. you wouldn’t ask, but you wanted to.

“trying to figure that out myself”

you hadn’t noticed when abby left, only that she was gone when a couple dollars slipped past you towards the ground from the countertops, extra tips for dina. you wanted her extroverted ways to carry the conversation, ask the newcomer about the altercation, but she seemed to enjoy playing dutiful dedicated owner more. small talk failed you, and ellie was uninterested.

you planned out your next meeting in your head, showing up with cookies as they do in the movies, catching glimpses of her sketches on the wall, giving them backstories to fill the gaps. it wasn’t so strange to be eager as you were taking into consideration how rare these opportunities had presented themselves: you never left jackson, not even on vacation. the world was meant to turn on its axis but you were destined to stay still, an agoraphobia rooted into your veins like movement would burst your chest open, bloody and broken. the flowers had been a therapist’s idea: to take care of something innocent as a purpose, exist outside the shell of a body you painfully cared for in pure obligation. your personal garden arsenal though, had meaning. yellow tulips, that’s what you were. the flower for unrequited love. the one tattooed by ellie’s hipbone you were yet to see.

[joanofexys]

you said you were thinking about Florian a lot so please tell me your thoughts about Florian <3

Florian!!! Okay his relationships have been rotating around in my brain so much lately

I meantioned in another post that Florian falls in love so easily, he's just a tiny bit in love with everyone, and it will not leave me alone. so warning for cringe oc x canon posting ig

Florian and Jean and Florian and Kevin are the biggest ones for me at the moment but other dynamics that have given me brainrot include Flor and Neil, Flor and Andrew, and Flor and Jeremy

Florian has a level of love for Jean that is so impossible to erase that it is forever etched onto his heart (Jean's handwriting is tattooed on the left side of his chest). They're so unbelievably tender. Gentle with each other when no one else had been. They're barely there touches and kisses when no one was watching and silent "I love you"s they could never choke out out of fear of being heard.

that love doesn't go away after the nest. Flor does not move on. He is so terrible at it. And he is still head over heels in love with Jean.

It becomes meetings in empty hallways before games, gentle kisses, and words Florian can finally get past his lips. He knows things will never be the same between him and Jean. But they're still soft as they've always been. Flor still cups Jean's face in his hands. This time with tears in his eyes. "I know it's what you deserve, but I don't know if I can let you go."

That's in part where the Flor and Jeremy brainrot comes in. He's so good for the both of them tbh. But focusing on just him and Florian they have an incredibly interesting dynamic. Jeremy doesn't have the privilege of already knowing Flor. He gets all the attitude and anger and apathy. He has to earn Flor's sweetness. But he does. Idk I just think they're neat.

Florian and Kevin are so, very different. They're hotel rooms and bruising kisses and neverending heartbreak. Flor will never get what he wants from Kevin. He knows Kevin loves him, it's not in the way he wants. But he'll take what he can get. The bridge of Free Now is so them. They share so much of their pain. Florian feels that they understand each other in a way that no one else ever will due to their injuries. And Flor is bitter in a lot of ways but that will always get shoved aside the second he's actually with Kevin. And for a fun little addition: Kevin's handwriting is tattooed on Flor's collarbone

Flor and Neil also fall into none of those. Not as soft as Florian and Jean, with none of the past and heartache of Flor and Kevin. They click in a way I wasn't expecting when I made Florian's character. Neil's handwriting is tattooed on Florian's ribs. Which is actually the first tattoo I knew Flor had and inspired the idea of him getting tattoos in the handwriting of the people he loves most. They exist together very naturally. Matching snark, but delivered with a fondness that lets the other know they could never mean it. I'm not sure if they're platonic or romantic or what but they're sure in each other's lives for forever.

Andrew is someone Florian defers to easily. He's steady, as he is for so many people, and once Flor has even a bit of his trust he doesn't hesitate to lean on him. It's a hand tangled in Florian's hair when he's had a couple drinks and needs Andrew to ground him, or yanking on the back of Flor's shirt to keep him from walking away even when he thinks the conversation is over. He's not one of the monsters. But he's Andrew's. They have their fair share in common but have come to deal with it completely differently. Yet it still manages to give them common ground. There are things, mostly triggers, that only Andrew really gets. Moments where Andrew can be the only one sitting on the couch waiting for Flor to steady his breathing, to look up and meet his eyes and say his name. Voice cracking over two syllables. I'm ngl Florian and Andrew honestly compete with Flor and Jean on what dynamic drives me more insane. And it makes me so mad cause I can't word any of it properly

I hope you enjoy me talking abt oc x canon cause it's scary and embarrassing and i'm gonna pretend i didn't say any of this