#a lot of really terrible shit
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On abandonment, Lou X, the eternal recurrence of the same
Browsing through the people I follow (and my followers) I can't help but notice just how many of these blogs haven't been updated in literal years. That line Diane Venora has in Michael Mann's Heat comes to mind: "you live among the remains of dead people…".
The idea of neglect and disuse is a weird thing to me, in that I never registered it as an inherently negative thing - it's melancholic, sure, but not everything needs to keep being active and productive. In unrelated news I'm listening to Lou X as we speak, go figure. For my international followers, Lou X is a rapper from Pescara who made his last full record in 1998. It is called La Realtà, la Lealtà e lo Scontro and you could call it a conscious/gangsta rap record in Italian/Abruzzese dialect. Then he basically went off the radar except for maybe one feature or two on other people's songs and albums.
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If you think about it Italy's greatest contributions to the culture of the past century mostly involve objects that either don't exist, are somehow crystallized into unserviceable forms, were abandoned years ago and have reached an absolutely dismal state that could only make them interesting as a work of art. Think about it: Neorealism in cinema (and maybe even the Realists' interest in decrepit/disadvantages rural realities, but that would be an overarching nineteenth-century European thing), Ennio Flaiano's Tempo di uccidere, the last writings of Cesare Pavese ("Tutto questo fa schifo. Non parole. Un gesto. Non scriverò più": what else here but the defeated realisation that nothing could ever change?), Italo Calvino's Le città invisibili, Luigi Ghirri's landscape photography work, CCCP and CSI even.
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Europe is doomed to its binary division and therefore we are of course doomed to repeat stylings and "revolutionary" aesthetics in never-ending loops: Disciplinatha were smart enough to point it out, but like Whitehouse said: "grubbing job-hunting artists and art aficionados who prefer art that 'raises questions' are certainly as disgusting as those rubbered dilettantes who recognize that the answers are what you masturbate over". Whitehouse also had this to say, in the same context: "So better to just shut your fucking mouth".
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Obviously mentioning a rapper from Abruzzo has implications for those of you who know anything about me. God knows there are very few places as left to their own devices as that region of Italy, and considering my violently antihumanist views regarding the Abruzzese people I'm inclined to say that the only reason this abandon should end is just so I can no longer hear these motherfuckers bitch and moan about nobody giving a shit about them or something. It's no big deal to be fair - people think Abruzzo is further down South than Rome is because it was added into the monetary help program for the South of Italy at the end of World War II. The Abruzzese people who have voted for Matteo Salvini in the past seem to have conveniently forgotten that if it didn't mean more votes to him, they would be seen as cannon fodder at best and shit under his feet at worst.
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When the Amatrice earthquake hit in 2016 we knew that would be the end of the very little good things we had managed to get back after L'Aquila in 2009: the small towns in the province, which is unreasonably fucking big in L'Aquila's case but honestly what are we going to do, make Sulmona or Avezzano their own province like assholes?, anyway I'm getting distracted - my point being everything went even further to shit when that happened. A lot of the old people, some of whom not as old as you would expect, died in consequence to the quakes or went further down into some form of (if I had to guess) trauma-induced dementia. Happens even to the best of us - then, you can imagine how easily it happens to the average Abruzzese. I was setting up another band with some kids and if we had our way, honestly, I believe there would be no NUMBERS, simply because I had found people who really got me, in the typically effortless way that teens bonding through activities do, and I do believe I got them, too. When I meet them now, and I never meet them together because one of the two guys can no longer come to town now, it feels like I'm on a completely different wavelength. Yet I refuse to let go, because in true Abruzzese fashion I never fucking learn. We did manage to get a record out, though. Its only tangible effect was, likely, to stop NUMBERS and the Operators from playing the La Zona d'Ombra festival at Bronson, in Ravenna. Here in the future, everyone has their fifteen seconds of fame.
In relating to the theme of this post, I cannot seem to let go of this fucking post. I have been writing in circles for literal hours at this point because the idea of abandonment ultimately scares me, disproving what I said at the beginning. It's no surprise that the only things I can think of when they suggest to me the idea of abandonment are Burial, Forest Swords, Techno Animal, maybe some ambient music. No point in trying to prove at all costs that "I'm different" or that "I have something fundamental to say about it".
So better to just shut my fucking mouth.
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#schismusic#musica#music#whitehouse#cccp fedeli alla linea#consorzio suonatori indipendenti#disciplinatha#lou x#la realtà la lealtà e lo scontro#a lot of really terrible shit#abandoned#abruzzo#ennio flaiano#italo calvino#luigi ghirri#cesare pavese#Youtube#schism writing#long form content
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make a wish! 🍃
happy 1st anniversary, in stars and time 🤍
#ok hold on#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#isat siffrin#Okay. WAAAAH WAUUUUUGHWAYUUAU T_T.. HAPPY BIRTHDYS IN STARS ANDB TIMEEEE#i need that FAWKING ARTBOOOOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#idk where else to get sappy about it but tmblr tags are probably the best spot i'll get. isat is very dear to me ..#i played it when i was going through a lot of terrible grief and it really hit home for me#and as i still navigate this terrible grief it gives me a reminder that there are people out there feeling just like me#and even peolle who might not understand still care and love and cherish you. and youre loved way beyond what you really know#the art of losing isnt hard to master .. etc etc#also its nice to see a character who cant remember basic shit all the time. my personal siffrinism#siffrin is like the kim dokja of your computer. The ones who know know.#sniffle. thanks isat. thanks dev.
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I… don’t really see myself continuing with the Amazing Digital Circus anymore.
#txt#it’s not a bad show#the recent episode was also pretty alright#but I don’t know. it’s just not clicking for me ya know? even though I really want to#I love the designs and the premise. I love that it has girls that are weird in not that condescending modern writing kind of way#the last episode just confused me. it felt purposefully aimless and then the last 3 minutes suddenly it was about Gangle wanting to be like#but… has anyone explictely shown any dislike for her other than Jax? everyone seems very friendly with her#I feel like it would have made more sense if Gangle felt mistreated or neglected#because a lot of terrible shit does happen to her (specifically from Jax) and nobody intervenes#whatever. I’m happy that other people are enjoying the episode though. I’m just not feeling this show anymore
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(ID in alt) I literally said I was gonna post this month's ago and then never had the wherewithal to describe it and so I didn't Lmao (said with pain). But since I'm thinking of opening my commissions I figured I should remind ppl that I. Yknow. Can draw.
Lots of Steph here (I had major art block making all of these and my brain worms for her kept me going) + some sprinkles of stephcass for Cass nation to enjoy!
#dc comics#dc#stephanie brown#cassandra cain#jason todd#(yes for the teddy bear. it counts)#batgirl#batgirls#mine#< keep forgetting to tag my art as that I'm terrible 😭#ANYHOW I'm slowly getting back into drawing again after my last ipad got nuked (cant think abt that or ill cry) and i finished uni#oh yeah j finished my first year of uni btw. i went to an Olivia Rodrigo concert like a week or 2 ago. I've been busy lol#but yeah it's looking like I've got a fun summer of bottom feeding ahead of me now that I've officially been told i got passed over for that#-comic job i applied for. lol. lmao even#it's fine honestly it was a pretty daunting prospect i just have to find a way to fill the time by myself now#I've plenty of comics to read so that's nice. got wayyy into mark waids DD run recently (mostly for Chris Samnee's art)#so that's been fun! i have my empowered omnibus (embarrassing and kept under my bed <3) i have TT year 1 i have huntress and WW#uhhh i got flash 1 minute war. lots of good stuff!#so hopefully i don't go. completely feral from lack of stimulation#also hopefully commissions will be a thing i can do#godddd there's many mkre things i want to draw. i got too enamoured w my own bad theory and now I've drawn tim!bats#but unfortunately now i only want to draw tim!bats being laughed at my the batfamily bc seriously tim?? really??#< it's literally probably not going to happen but I've invested myself in this terrible future for some reason#imagine damian trying to robin for tim!bats for 1 (one) night and the next morning he doesn't say anything he just moves to bludhaven#he can't take this shit#oh so many ideas...#ANYWAY. ues. finally art. now if you like it. consider commissioning me (in 2 to 3 business weeks <3)#(no pressure)
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Since we’re on the topic of video games, im tired of these fucking remakes. Ive said it before but i’ll say it again each time. These companies dont wanna invest in an actually good remaster or port and would rather waste their time with these remakes bcuz “ooh look how shiny and better the graphics look!!1!1!1” often times it has an empty feeling because everything has to be ultra realism super 6000. Its gotten so bad that now regular gamers are starting to gaslight you into playing or enjoying them. So much has been lost artistically, (like the cool UI designs) that it’s now considered “juvenile” and that i need to “grow up” and “accept it” 😂
#Being genuine and having atmosphere/lore/small details surrounding the game does a lot more.#And can we pls have built in emulators or#backwards combatibility on these newer consoles? if ur able to do all this other shit you can give us an official emulator#And ik that sometimes the developers have actually lost certain files data assets etc within the OG games that cannot be regained#But you can make an entire remake no problem🙄 it be feeling like they are getting told by higher ups “do it or else”#Im gen z and idk if its my gen or a combination of everyone regardless of age wanting these remakes all of a sudden#Bcuz i swear i remember most ppl disliked or didnt care abt them now everyone is on board with it???#No game after the year 1999 should have a remake. A rerelease or remaster is fine. But a remake? Do we really need that…#Also game design used to be cute and fun. Whatever happened to that? Wheres my clever save spots and menu screens?#Theres only a tad bit of remakes i have no problem with and even then its not “needed”#i also understand not liking smth due to its art style. But to act like majority of old games looks terrible is crazy come on now.#Why does h0rizon need a remaster and why are u not allowed to buy or download the OG version of it anymore 😐#feels like ppl think OG games are nothing when they are the entire reason#The amplified hyperrealistic my-26k-ultra-supercomputer-made-this remake exists in the first fucking place#regarding limitations of old games and consoles i could understand a rerelease port but they could just add on stuff and leave it alone lol#Emulators also exists guys….#Rant#Other
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𝓦𝓮𝓵𝓵 𝓜𝓮𝓻𝓻𝔂 𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼𝓽𝓶𝓪𝓼
𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓪 𝓗𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓝𝓮𝔀 𝓨𝓮𝓪𝓻!
Here’s to hoping for a much kinder year. Pretty please-
Ko fi / Bluesky / Twitter
#lots of new things I got in store for you guys!!#and I’m really excited to start putting them into action! starting tommorow lol#for now tho I’m just gonna be chillinngggg#cookiesart#foodart#oc art#mha oc#christmas#christmas art#new years 2025#new year art#cuki#kimono#drawing the kimono was REALLY fun it sucks I couldn’t draw more of my ocs in them#but tiiiimeee and I’m terrible at scheduling shit lol
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save a horse (ride a cowboy)
8pm, Friday. Red dress. Booth near the end of the bar, by the dart board.
She forgot how demanding the text felt, but it had only encouraged her to want to show up even more.
#owo? what's this? baby cho back with a fic?#I'VE BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME#just... hidden#yeah the image is just that photo okay f u guys (affectionate)#my fanfic masterlist has been updated with this fic plus one other that i previously did not claim.. should you be interested in That#wow okay so this one is a doozy. lots of tags below so fair warning#it took me quite a while from just having the idea for this to actually putting pen to paper (finger to keyboard?)#thank you poppyfamily for seeing my original vision for this fic#biggest shoutout goes to wrench (two-wrenches). who will also be getting the most real estate in these tags#i started this fic with no intention of a) writing it to completion or b) letting anyone edit it if i did finish it#but wrench. wrench!!! loml wrench#if you peep the end note on the fic you'll see my praise but like. she was there when i sent her my embarrassing first draft which was shit#and then she whipped my ass into shape and fixed my terrible syntax and flow issues#all i'm really saying here is that sometimes it just takes the right editor to make you comfortable with your work#AND give you the confidence to continue writing. and i just think that's beautiful#thanks for reading lol#amangela#smosh rpf#my fics#amanda lehan canto#angela giarratana#smosh
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i might just be pulling this out of my ass but i feel like terezi and gamzee really did a lot of damage to how people see pitch relationships
and i get it, terezi and gamzee’s relationship was basically everything people say about pitch relationships. it was abusive, horrible, and enabled by everyone around them
but they’re also not the only pitch relationship we see in the comic, or even the only pitch relationship we see terezi get into
and they’re not even the only abusive and/or toxic relationship we see by far, and plenty of those weren’t pitch
#idk i feel like a lot of the arguments i see for why pitch romance is toxic apply to terezi and gamzee specifically#and not really to anyone else#and it kind of ignores the fact that homestuck is a comic filled to the brim with terrible relationships#say what you will about vriska (she got way too much hate)#but vriska and tavros was an abusive situation#and even if they were all over the place when it comes to quadrants#ultimately vriska wanted him red and it was red feelings she was dealing with#similarly dirkjake is red#say what you will about that shit too#and whether you think they can patch that up or not or who was at fault or whatever#i’m not asking for a five page essay on how dirk was perfect or how dirk was the devil lol#but they were a mess#and they were also very much red#aranea and jake#vriska and meenah#meulin and kurloz arent dating anymore but were red#honestly there are too many examples with the dancestors you get what i mean by this point#there are so many examples i can list#and also examples of good or at least not toxic pitch relationships i could list#but these tags are already way too long#i think ultimately#hussie probably just likes the drama of a bad relationship#so there are tons of them#which is fair lol
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Thinking about my strange beloved piper storybook series again…I had some excerpts of the books saved in my gallery, so I remembered a few things.
One thing me and my brother agreed on when we initially finished co-reading the series was that it’s kind of scary that if the main character, Patch, was picked up by one of the teachers at the academy who was actually one of the mastermind villains, for his playing potential, he would have been brought up as the main antagonist selected to reign the world through chaos instead in whatever alternate timeline the story could have went.
#Book Archives#like there are a lot of really problematic things the mastermind villain does#so when we read all the terrible heinous shit that could have happened to the mc it was such a shocker
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.
the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.
yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.
but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?
this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.
yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.
i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.
so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.
because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.
he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.
but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.
yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.
#UGH. sick of this stupid show (<- pathologically obsessed with it (it's just on a downturn rn))#anyway hi welcome back to my terrible mind here's another excruciatingly long yyh meta post no one's gonna read that i should just make a#video essay because nobody wants to squint through all that text but MAYBE they'd listen to me read it out. anyway#i actually made and then abandoned another post comparing yusuke's sacrifice here to genkai's death by toguro if anyone's interested in tha#anyway yeah sorry if im rusty in uh talkking about these guys. they're still rattling around in here dw#that comment just fucking hijacked my brain. my first thought was to make an ep 89 yusuke pov fic but since that's Probably not#gonna ever Actually get done (sorry) i figured i'd put the analysis behind it here bc this fucking choice makes me want to rip my hair out#(in a good way in a painful way)#yeah this gets derailed. ugh i hope all that stuff about yusuke's motivation in this gambit makes sense bc i still don't feel 100% about my#reading of it. his ass IS very much an unreliable narrator. but in what way? ehhhhh it's hard to say for sure in this case. to me.#yyh#yu yu hakusho#yyh meta#yayyy#yusuke urameshi#literally wrote for so long the sun started rising (<- not impressive since you don't know when i began writing. but i can't tell you bc i#don't remember lol)#also: his relinquishing of this fight is very interesting to me. he loses his shit when raizen kills sensui and deprives him of that victor#and he tells the others to stand down once he returns. so clearly he still Cares about beating sensui himself#but when he thinks there's no other choice he's willing to settle for passing that torch to his friends#he's like well they've earned a good revenge killing. as a treat#the real answer is probably something like 'it would fuck with the pacing' but fuck that lol it's in the show i'm going to talk about it#and a lot of this still applies even if he Can't hear them bc he Has to expect the begging and crying bc 1. he's lived it via toguro 2. his#plan depends on it. even if he's only imagining his friends' heartbreak he's choosing to ignore it for the sake of his plan#ANYWAY the real answer for. pretty much everyone is to give up fighting and find something healthier to attach their worth to#which is why kuwa not being in the final arc is a good thing (as much as it hurts me not to see my boy)#yyh really said YOU HAVE TO BECOME WELL ADJUSTED. DYING WILL NOT GET YOU OUT OF IT#i only skimmed thru this once sorry if it's ass
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i rmr when all the initial meta around endgame was coming out people were talking about steve being depressed and whatnot and it's like well yeah but he's BEEN depressed, like he woke up alone in this century and he kept going, now i can understand it being worse this time after finding a family and getting bucky back and losing them all except of course that's not why endgame steve was on about so like......the people writing meta were trying to connect these things that of course weren't really there on screen because that simply wasn't our steve
but i think it really could've been SO interesting to see this is the thing that finally makes steve stay down like he's lost so much and he just CAN'T keep fighting like i get some people think that's what they were going for but considering the ending......it's really not. and so i'm just thinking about a version after iw, maybe he gets some of the thor treatment except not turning his depression into a dumb fatphobic joke lol and maybe nat and others are trying to get through to him and it just doesn't work and then we get some flashbacks (which you could have done for all the original avengers actually which would be particularly important for bruce and nat and clint who did not have their own trilogies) including his mom telling him "you always stand up" and THAT being the thing to finally get him moving like it would've been such a perfect way to finally show sarah rogers some respect and ACTUALLY show steve really struggling instead of whatever they tried to do with him in that movie
#steve rogers#mcu#anti endgame#why am i still rewriting this movie five years later#really though i think i rmr just trying to work through it all#and a lot of the meta i was reblogging initially still wasn't really accurate to endgame or the rest of the mcu#like they were still making steggy more important than it canonically was while trying to explain why it was a bad ending#and it's kind of like you can say steve would respect that peggy had a life and wouldn't interfere with it but that's about it like#going on about how he DID love her so much and just wouldn't be selfish enough to do those things#or that she was soooo important to his moral compass (hence why so many fic writers had her telling him to go back to bucky lol insanity)#are just not accurate lmao i do think much as she may be rightfully disliked#while canonically he did not LOVE her he did respect her even if we think that's annoying bc she's an asshole to him in catfa#but yeah no he had a moral compass before her i understand what people were going for with the compass being symbolic but like....#any time she said anything did he listen? except for maybe when she told him he was meant for more? it really doesn't seem like it#nor did he need it! jesus! the whole point of catfa is he was chosen for a REASON he was already a good man#he did not need peggy 'sure i'll let nazis into shield' carter to teach him shit#but yeah it was bc i followed one stucky blog at the time who was reblogging a lot of good shit but a lot of that nonsensical shit too#and i was just reblogging it all bc everything sounded better than endgame#and i really did start seeing more of the discussions around peggy where her culpability in catws hadn't even occurred to me#bc i was so in fic from the beginning of joining fandom that not only was their relationship made as impt as stucky#it was also made out like what happened to shield was hurting her legacy and it's like...but she had to have at least SOME responsibility#and yeah eventually it's like okay no it's not just that steve wouldn't Do That it's also that they would've been a terrible couple#and not only would he not be so selfish but he wouldn't give up everything for HER lmao but he would've for bucky as was shown over and ove
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okay so tonight I sat down & drew & scribbled a bunch of drafts in my notebook to decompress and it definitely helped. It was really difficult to write at home but I think being in the mountains & hiking and spending time with loved ones has helped me a lot. I’m supposed to go home Wednesday & I’m going to see how going home affects me, but I’m hoping that I will be able to do some writing & engage in my hobbies when I get home ❤️
#ooc.#tbd.#I do fully expect the first day home to be really terrible#i just have been dreading walking in the apartment#bcs all my cats look down at me when I go up the staircase#and tube would always be like 👁👁 waiting#but I am hoping that spending some time away from home is going to make is easier to process when I get there#lowkey I’m gonna stop by my dads and visit her grave when I get home also#idk I’ve cried a lot but I’ve also had some undeniably good times#so it’s been kind of odd#I feel very lucky that my loved ones have been here to support me#i also went back to Shenandoah and now me and that park are 1-1#it whooped my ass last time I went and hiked but this time I Fucking Won#( to be fair last time was a 10 hour hike and this one was like 1 1/2 but I’ll take the win )#but those hiking endorphins got me feeling NICE#I didn’t realize how much I rely on writing to decompress tho until I took a weeks break#idk shits been crazy it’s been like emtoional whiplash there have been lots of highs & lows u know??
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On the verge of doing a deep dive compare and contrast between both Wicked and Evita being adapted for films because the parallels are RIGHT THERE. In this essay I will
#that same twenty year gap between the shows and the films though#STARTS WITH A DEATH ANNOUNCEMENT OF A MORALLY AMBIGUOUS PROTAGONIST#(i joke. the stage/film version of wicked really isn't even a little bit morally ambiguous#aaand the many many diplomatic negotiations with both Argentina and madonna about preserving Eva's image)#something something Glinda in the second half of Wicked channeling expensively dressed blonde political figurehead#literally the only two musical soundtracks i know inside out#but hilariously i imprinted on the film of Evita at an impressionable age and the show didn't get a west end revival for another decade#ironically that was 2006 when i also saw Wicked for the first time#more importantly the film of evita is based on the concept album rather than the show (and later productions use some film inspired changes)#and wicked the film moves even further away from the original book than the show does#i just have a lot of thoughts okay#and i really do have a terrible fondness for the heightened sepia nostalgia visuals of Evita it's a genuinely beautiful film#alan parker knows his shit#is it ~good~? i mean idk that that's quantifiable#i find it more watchable than the 2006 show revival#(also. also. Antonio Banderas. that is all.)#i think it uses screen space and the hinted at spaces beyond the stage much better than Wicked does in the film version#also? Evita is just allowed to be consistently snarky (because Che) and they kinda... stripped some of the snark from Wicked for the film.#i remain baffled by Choices.#(my new favourite Evita trivia is that both Meryl Streep and Michelle Pfeiffer were signed to star at various points and the CHOICES)
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Okay but my favorite GIR moments are ALWAYS the ones that imply he's just aware enough of what's going on to know that the thing he's doing will fuck up Zim's day, and he still does it anyway, possibly specifically for that purpose.
#invader zim#gir#iz posting#natterings#most times its not even malicious#or not like SPECIFICALLY malicious beyond gir being a gremlin who enjoys chaos in general#i think a lot of the time he just wants to secure zims attention and making him mad is the easiest way to do it#(+ i mean zim kind of models this strategy all the time so can he really be surprised girs learned it—)#or sometimes the terrible thing will eventually end up leading into accomplishing something useful#and its easy to say this is just fools luck and totally inadvertent on girs part#but there are rare moments that suggest he mightve a little bit done the thing on purpose and im obsessed with that#that one comics issue where he impersonates dib torments zim for days on end and then wheedles zim into praising him for it#lives rent free in my mind#BUT ANYWAY I ALSO THINK THAT MAYBE SOMETIMES IT COULD BE A LITTLE MALICIOUS#given that gir in his natural state isnt really CAPABLE of resentment or anger or even dislike#and the one time he was able to feel those things he turned on zim in less than 24 hrs#in a way that was clearly very personally motivated (note to self write meta about gir goes crazy and stuff i have so much shit to say)#which suggests to me those emotions probably are there festering on some inaccessible level and yknow#imo a little healthy sadism is a GREAT outlet for that#zim absolutely deserves it
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🖤🖤🖤🖤Another one for The Education of a Lady 🖤🖤🖤🖤
used this Pin as a reference
#fantasticalleigh's art#fantasticalleighs art#dramione#dramione art#dramione fanart#dark dramione#draco malfoy#hermione granger#artists on tumblr#illustrators on tumblr#shoutout to that one shithead who once left a review on this fic saying my art is terrible and that i shouldn't bother sharing it#guess what bitch: the point is to keep doing it in order to get better that's how it works#i was proud of my work at the time just like i'm proud of this one now#i sincerely hope you don't go talking to other artists that way bc not everyone is going to be able to take a comment like that well#so fuck you and sorry for my followers who see this in the tags and go wtf?#but that's actually one of the comments that have really bothered me and i do actually think about it a lot#so whoever that anon was: i've gotten better (not that i need to prove it to anyone)#and i hope you go suck a wet fart out of your own asshole before you comment some shit like that ever again
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