#a lot of my drawing anxiety is just being too scared to post stuff in that's not 'up to standard'

[whenthewallfell]

more doodles, this time of Jasnah Kholin from Stormlight Archive and Okarun from Dandadan

[emilem-forevermore]

hey! intro post here :)

are you having a panic or anxiety attack? here :)

here is a link to the trevor project (a helpline for queer youth) if you are struggling. remember you deserve love and recovery :)

okay, a bit about me:

personal

my name is ollie, or oli, oliver, or em.

my pronouns: he/xe/fae/they. no she/her or fem terms.

my age: i am a minor. don’t be gross.

my birthday: april 8th! i’m an aries :3

nicknames i've collected: emilem, gay little frat boy, catboy tea, cheeto boy, leaf boy

my height: 5'0! i am tiny :)

i'm happily single ish.

poetry blog! @emilems-poetry

vent blog: @emilem-is-sad

just another one: @femininemilem

the other one where you can't mention my main bc my friends see it: @peanut-jelly

therian blog: @emilems-a-cat

i also run one of the color shark blogs, you can figure out which one ;)

i also have a pinterest, spotify account, and scratch account. this isn't something i'll be sharing with the world but if we're moots or smth and you want it lemme know :D

fun facts about me:

i earned a black belt in taekwondo (i no longer do it tho).

i cannot play any instruments but would like to learn guitar one day

i’m a norwegian forest cat therian but i’m fine with being called human/person too - i have a therian blog. you'll find it.

fandoms and interests

music: harry styles ⋆ 1D ⋆ hozier ⋆ noah kahan ⋆ chappell roan ⋆ sabrina carpenter ⋆ taylor swift ⋆ the amazing devil ⋆ a lot more

fandoms: gravity falls ⋆ warrior cats ⋆ heartstopper ⋆ brooklyn nine nine ⋆ only murders in the building ⋆ a good girls guide to murder ⋆ wild life smp + more

interests: poetry (check out @emilems-poetry) ⋆ drawing ⋆ digital art ⋆ writing ⋆ reading ⋆ french ⋆ veterinary sciences ⋆ the human body ⋆ psychology ⋆ hebrew, spanish ⋆ chinese ⋆ italian ⋆ music ⋆nature

check this out:

my favorite post on this website, a slight tw for self harm mentions, but aside from that it's extremely moving and well written and might help if you're feeling down :)

PLEASE:

ask me stuff! i love answering questions

message me if you think i’m cool!!

send me art and poetry!!! it’s so awesome to look at :3

interact w me! i love talking to yall and i don't bite that often

talk to me about heartstopper, poetry, wild life, and noah kahan :)

if i say/do something that upsets you, let me know! i try to do my best to be inclusive and kind but sometimes i mess up so help me out :)

i love my moots more than the world!!! here's a list of some of them:

@hotteststar my first moot and fellow bisexual :)

@rins-batcave my reason /p

@raeprise mon cœur /p

@sparky4577 my brother (not irl but i wish)

@star-dust-shark favorite animal frfr

@crowwolf8 amazing crow

@crowofthestars just really fuckn cool. go follow them!

@thecrazyalchemist my bestie with the coolest name(s) ever

@mrblazeflappybird my cool uncle!!!

@wishiwereheather13 my really cool moot im too nervous to talk to (your banner is so cool btw. just sayin.)

@boldofyoutoassumeicanspell my wise gal i should talk to more

@holiday-spice my favorite seasoning (get it. cause his name is spice. lol.)

@halflingwithaknife i get excited whenever you're in my notifications you're so cool :0

@aflairforthemelodramaticc my father :)

@blaxolt one of the funniest folks i know :3

@catinasink uh. uh youre so cool. wtf im scared of you youre really awesome :0

if you'd like to be added to (or removed from) this list lemme know! i have so many mutuals and i love them all beyond words <3

[ryuichirou]

I apologize if it is too personal but how do you deal with "antishipper" and the way they make callout posts and harassment campaigns against you ? It’s legitimately so scary and it makes me hesitant of posting my own art

Anon! I am very sorry you are going through this horrible feeling of hesitation and anxiety; knowing that people get targeted like that could not only stop you from posting, but stop you from creating altogether, and this is the worst part about this whole thing.

It’s not too personal, and I don’t mind talking about it at all. I’ve talked about our position and our relationship with fandom policing a bunch of times already, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating myself.

I used to be worried about posting certain stuff too. Well, when I was a teen/in my early 20s I wasn’t worried about anything: we had so much juicy stuff posted here lol But then the nsfw ban happened, and the social climate of this app and internet in general started shifting, the first stories about people driven to end their lives because of the hate they received started to come out, and we stopped posting completely. It wasn’t a huge loss to us back then, and this situation wasn’t the only reason why we stopped, but still, it clearly became much more difficult to just appear out of nowhere, throw problematic stuff in your blog and run away again.

I vividly remember us wanting to post my Shingeki no Kyojin drawings and comics based on our AUs and stuff, but not knowing what to do with Ereri – there was no way for us to be “unproblematic” (which was never a concern to us, we just didn’t want to get tons of hate lol) and still post Eren with a man twice his age. So we started posting them without a tag, starting with a drawing that wasn’t too shippy, and then miraculously the world didn’t end. That made us bolder, and we started to post them openly, and posted them for almost two years pretty regularly, alongside some of our other problematic ships + problematic themes. Of course we did get hate, we got a lot of hate while we were posting SnK stuff from all kinds of people, but what we also got a lot of people who found our content refreshing and interesting, even if it was weird and uncomfortable at times.

We weren’t the only people who shipped Ereri (let’s ignore my petty thoughts about the difference between Ereri and Rivaere for now), and we weren’t the only people in Twst fandom who liked Shroudcest, which is another ship that we were super hesitant about posting or even mentioning at first. But with all the hate around I was so certain the world was going to end the moment we post them, and that didn’t happen. The end of the world never happens, but what does happen is that people either get introduced to a fun new dynamic and get invested, or get happy that someone finally posts for the ship they were too afraid to post for. Somehow, when you see some other person being ballsy, you don’t feel as scared anymore – it happened to us with other people’s posts too. Yes, I still say this even though it spawns a bunch of callout posts and harassment, as it did with us. Were we cancelled? Yeah, somewhat. There’s so much you can say about an acc that states “problematic stuff, 18+”, right? I was super relieved and happy, actually, that a lot of people left/blocked us just because they’re the people I’d never want to interact with my art.

I’ve been yapping for a long time already lol so I’ll give you some pieces of advice instead… These are things that legitimately help us.

Surround yourself with people who support you – if not you personally, then at least your ideas (i.e. other proshippers). Luckily, nowadays it’s easier to find them… But also, having a friend who you can vent about these things to helps a lot! It’s cheesy but it’s a fact: when you’re not alone, it’s not as scary.

Always ignore comments/asks from antis and block them on sight, block anonymous asks too. Even if you really want to sass them, it’s much more effective to ignore them: when you give them attention, it invites more engagement from them.

Block people you get bad vibes from. Block those who like or comment bad takes or support harassment of others, block all of their alt accounts. It’s tedious and takes time, but it really helps to keep you hidden from them, at least to some degree. I look up Shroudcest sometimes just to block new people. They try to make fun of me for that, but who cares if it works? You can’t block everyone, but these people usually flock together and it’s usually just a bunch of friends, so taking several posts on these topics from people from the fandom and blocking everyone involved will obliterate the majority of harassers.

In terms of your safety, having multiple accounts in case you main one gets mass-reported helps + I would advice to keep irl stuff away from your fandom stuff just in case.

This is going to sound stupid, but please keep in mind that this isn’t about you. These people are very miserable and not very smart. Even if they try to paint you like a bad person, they don’t know anything about you, so don’t let their judgment affect how you feel about yourself. This is exactly what they want – to have power over you.

Stay strong and take care of yourself, i.e. lock your acc and/or take a break if you feel overwhelmed. Don’t worry, it will pass: it’s very rare for these clowns to keep focus on one person for a long period of time; they have like 5 different dramas per day. There are some absolutely batshit crazy rapid assholes who won’t leave an artist alone for years, but those are super rare and special cases altogether, I don’t think you need to be worried about those.

Keep in mind which fandom you want to do this with, btw. It’s usually okay for the most part, but if the fandom is just a bunch of kids, it’s more likely not worth it or deserves an empty account, at least. Twst is surprisingly good despite anything it might look like! Thanks to Yana being a shotacon and a creator of Kuroshitsuji, I guess. There are many great and supportive people in the twst fandom, it’s been a pleasure to be here, even though, once again, it’s the first fandom where I got a bunch of callout posts and nasty stuff in my ask (SnK fandom usually harassed me for other things).

TL;DR: it is scary, and you could easily get callout posts about yourself, but guess what, you also get to be yourself. Because realistically, callout posts can’t stop you from creating art. They want you to believe that they have power over you, but this isn’t true. Your life online won’t end after some random callout post – mine didn’t. They also don’t understand that each consequent callout post affects the person being called out even less. We do have a minor panic attack for the first hour or so, and it does involve more extra blocking, but mostly it just sours our mood for the day and drops our morale. I still draw, though, out of spite a little lol Oh, and do try to report these types of posts if you get them, there’s nothing wrong with that.

People had been persecuted for their art and ideas for centuries, so what happens now is really nothing new. Without diving into specifics, there are way worse things they could do than writing callouts, but they aren’t super likely to do those. Luckily.

Take care of yourself, but also please don’t doubt yourself; when it comes to your art being way too fun for lovers of censorship to handle, you’re in a very good company. I’m referring to all the artist and writers of this world btw and not just me and Katsu lol but us as well!

[misslavenderlady]

My Baby Bats 💜🦇

This post is in honor of @hypocriticaltypwriter and her own baby bats. This part is about The Lost Boys themselves. There will be a part two with Michael and Star!

So some of you know I love the Sims 4. Back in 2022 I made The Lost Boys in the game because ya girl is obsessed. I also made:

The Emersons

Star and Laddie

Max

Thorn and Nanook

The Frog Brothers

The cave

Grandpa's House

The comic book store

The boardwalk

And....I just so happened to put myself in the game with them. There was no official "story" at first. I just wanted to smooch my boys so bad, and seeing as I don't have any digital art programs (I used to draw but I'm sooooo rusty), the Sims was the perfect way to go about it. 🥰

My sim self had a daughter with each of the boys (because I too wanted to have a gang of Lost Girls lol). I named each girl after the actor their fathers play.

Pictures and story below~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David's Daughter - Kira (the closest I could get to Kiefer)

She admires her father more than anything in the world. She wants to be a good leader and an even better protector of her sisters. Kira never backs down from a fight, often having moments in childhood where she beat up bullies that were harassing her sisters. But she doesn't use her brawn though. She's as smart as a whip, using patience and strategy to navigate life. Always studying her surroundings and knowing what to say or do for her next step. She's a mysterious girl and never reveals what she's thinking or feeling. As far as Kira is concerned, she needs to be on her guard should something happen to her father and she needs to take over as head vampire. That being said, she's very sensitive deep down, and is incredibly close to her parents, never wanting to be away from them for too long. The anxiety overwhelms her. David worries about the pressure she puts on herself.

Dwayne's Daughter - Billie

Billie is a gentle and kind girl. She's quite shy, often keeping to herself whenever she's around someone outside of the family. As a little girl, she would often hide behind her father, too scared to even say hi to new people. Dwayne was incredibly patient with her, and eventually found a way for her to socialize without getting out of her comfort zone. He introduced her to animals and wildlife in the Santa Carla mountains, showing her the hidden beauties of the world. She loves animals so much, and likes to spend time caring for stray cats and dogs she sees on the streets. Billie also inherited her mother's love of writing, and enjoys poetry most. It helps her navigate life and the feelings she has.

Marko's Daughter - Alex

A little artist like her father, Alex has an eye for the most fascinating curiosities around her. She's a jack of all trades, enjoying everything from photography, to sketching, to painting, to jewelry making. She has so many ideas, and her dad is more than happy to support her vision. She's also a little troublemaker like Marko, often going out to spray graffiti on the walls of various Santa Carla buildings. She's not afraid of causing some mischief if it means expressing herself. Alex also has a fondness of spooky stuff. She has a crystal ball, a collection of candles, tarot cards, and has a planchet earring that she uses whenever she wants to break out the ouija board. She's loves playing fun, witchy games with her sisters during sleepovers. Stuff like Bloody Mary and Light as a Feather, Stuff as a board.

Paul's Daughter - Brooke

Oh she's definitely her father's daughter. Brooke is a little wild child, always eager for an adventure. She's got plenty of energy to burn, dancing and running and jumping off furniture. She loves to stay up late and play video games or have dance parties with her sisters. Above all, her biggest passion is music. Growing up she listened to her father play guitar a lot, and immediately got inspired. He was more than happy to teach her, and ever since then, she's had a dream of becoming a rock star. She's got the energy and the beautiful singing voice for it after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are some pics of the baby bats:

I'm gonna reblog this post with more baby bat pics from when the girls were little. Stay tuned!

[crystalverse-project]

Crystalverse!Dan first reference

dear princess celestia i am so scared and frightened

(note: i don't have all that much confidence in my art but i do try my best. all i know is self taught and out of books)

far away in the dantdm multiverse...there is the crystalverse

character design: (i love the way dan's skin is made cause it can be basically anything you want)

i was thinking of the very early old art that was on the first t shirts and mugs and hoodies and stuff (i was too young to get them when i first started watching him and i wish i could get one of the shirts) and the youtooz figures where has has a hoodie jacket.

he wears a shirt and tie because he's a fancy boi ok. the shirt is short sleeve and the white cuffs are part of the jacket

because of some time distortion thing from being so distant in the multiverse (that's my story and i'm sticking to it) he's 22. if you ask him his birthday he can tell you the day and month without issue but the year just comes out in all this static noise...

he has autism and anxiety, and is ftm and bisexual. and he's dating his universe's trayaurus. there will be no burning of any more gay flags istfg

full name is daniel andrew everton. just to drive home that this isn't the youtuber himself if i haven't made it clear yet (is this something you have to clarify? or is it just a given? i feel like i'll get corrected if i do or don't help this project isn't new but posting about it is for me. i mean i know obviously minecraft's not fkin real but idk where people draw the line.)

personality: overall kind, understanding, caring to those he bonds with, INSANELY protective. (like if anyone or anything threatens trayaurus or grim that thing is dead. it's happened) since he moved to the lab he's found a talent for science and inventing that he had no idea he had and now he's studying to be a doctor the same as trayaurus. (all the youtuber characters are just normal people, not big celebrities. if he went down the street in plain clothes nobody would notice him. good for him cause he's shy)

what i'm thinking is all the people who would be youtubers in this world or a different dan universe are normal people and normal people are youtubers in their place

anyway he did have friends in the city he lived in before but he's very anxious around people he doesn't know. he's happier in the lab with just a small circle of people he knows.

he can also be very reckless, doing things without thinking or making up unneccessary solutions to problems that end up backfiring. he's especially reckless when he's riding his minecart (that further down) and he has a lot of cuts and bruises on his arms and legs, which he's awkward about because it might look like something else

some objects: main weapon is his enchanted diamond sword, has sharpness V and unbreaking III. he has trayaurus' name written on it because he thinks of defending him when he uses it.

he actually has a diamond minecart that he brings around with him and rides in and not just a trophy in the treasure room, this one is more like it was in mcsm and the tube heroes toy (anyone still have those?) as in an iron minecart decorated with diamonds. he keeps it in a key, he presses the button and it shoots out light and there it is. it was his first real invention/project he worked on himself, more of a minecart converted to a minature car. it goes zoom zoom and it doesn't need rails

for all the ways csv!dan is different to other universes' dan he still loves drinking tea. i'm pretty sure they all do. this is his special blue mug, trayaurus has a co-ordinating green one.

not on the ref sheet seperate cause he's already wearing them: his goggles, they go beyond an accessory or safety equipment, they're also his comfort object and if he isn't wearing them/doesn't know where they are he starts to panic and he can't work. he actually DOES wear them (over his eyes) when he's doing experiments or battling. trayaurus gave him them when they first became friends, and entirely by accident, they were in a box buried under machine parts and packing peanuts

his right elbow pad has a chip inside it that gets him through the doors of the lab, he and trayaurus got tired of the crappy buttons that don't open the doors properly so eventually they just replaced them.

i'll probably do another refsheet to go along with this but that's the gist for now

[antimony-medusa]

hi ur a tumblr blog that i like a lot who's really good with wording things when it comes to discussing fandom stuff. i'm wondering what ur thoughts are on fandom being really obsesssed with writing characters exactly "right". whether it's in character or writers only writing this character with other characters they like, etc. i've seen people feel self conscious about their writing and even stop because fandom will just go "why are you guys writing them like this/i'm so tired of seeing this trope/so repetitive." Fanfic writing should be fun. it shouldn't feel like the end of the world if they're writing the same things several times over. even if a character isn't 100% accurate, or they don't include that character's other lore or relationships or background or whatever. and i'm saying this as a sbi fan who got so tired of all the typical sbi tropes back in the day! sorry for this long tangent, i'm just wondering what your thoughts on this kind of stuff?

*finally escapes from my homework and life exploding enough to get to this ask*

HELLO. Okay, so.

First of all, I absolutely am tracking with the paralyzing fear that you're writing someone or a trope Wrong, and people are going to get mad at you, they're posting right now, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... maybe I just don't write it. I have put story ideas on the back burner because I'm scared of writing specific people in the idea. I noticed it especially in QSMP, you can come up against the issue of depicting people from languages you don't speak and with disabilities you don't share, and the fear that a) people will be mad at me, b) I will write something Actually Bad And Harmful— that's a vivid fear. If you decide that writing a specific character or specific read on a character is not worth the risk of blowback if you do it wrong, that's fair and I can't fault you.

But on the other hand, if you find joy in a character and you're afraid to depict them, and you step away from them, that's kind of a tiny tragedy. I understand the fear, but if your fandom participation is driven by fear, I would say that's a good sign that you need to step back from the fandom— find a new way to participate or find a new place to belong. I have a lot of anxiety and I have had to take a step back from keeping up with fandom several times, I go "okay I leaned into this a little too hard, time to unfollow some people" cause I can track in myself if my fandom creation is being modivated by fear rather than joy. And there's enough fear in my normal life, I want this to be a place of joy.

Because the thing is, if the way someone's love of a character plays out is that they post impassioned posts about characterization in the character tag, that's also fair. They get to do that. They love the character, and this is a guesture of love. If they are specifically calling out other fics that they think "did it wrong", there's a sliding scale there from "pointing out egregious racism/sexism" to "straight up being an asshole to baby writers" and that could be anywhere on there, but someone dropping an impassioned two thousand word guide to how best to write their favourite character is not hurting me or anyone else, they're also following their joy in fandom. That's not my joy, but it's a valid one.

Cause I think there's something that draws us to the characters (or the plotlines) and it's perfectly fair if someone wants to go "okay here is point by point how to depict the character that we all love", and you're running the risk of being an asshole if you go too far into it but there's also nothing wrong with going "I do not know why everyone writes this character as a humourless fighter, guy could not go more than two seconds without cracking a joke, did we even watch the same streams", as long as you're not being actively rude. Especially with people pointing out ableism, racism, sexism, etc— I can see why they would not want those tropes to continue unchallenged, and I think much of the fandom would not want to be accidentally doing a racism. I see those posts and I go Good To Know and I sock that information away.

But also, on the other hand, like, if the fandom police show up at my door/in my comments, they can come back with a warrant. If I want to take two characters who never met in fandom and have them passionately make out, that is my god-given right, no matter if it's butchering the characterization. Maybe I am the True Knower Of The Character and I know that their real true love is somebody who they never met. Maybe I just think it's funny. That's perfectly fine. This is a space where we do work for free, for fun. This is about having fun, no matter if it's cringe or cliche. If I want to write a trope that has five thousand hits on the archive about those characters already, just try and stop me. I will be writing superhero aus till they have to pry me out of this fandom with a crowbar, I think. Overdone trope? Insert "You've told this story before" "AND YOU"LL HEAR IT AGAIN" gif. My Ao3 is my little yell hole for writing things that please me, and by god am I going to write the same two characters over again in the same series of situations. This is for fun, I'm doing what's fun.

I think you just have to do a check on yourself and go "is this hurting anybody", and if it's not, straight up do what you want forever. Other people can go "I only want to see this character written as a bear" and I can go "I respect that but this fic is not for you" and write them as a nerd, and they're not hurting anyone to say that, but I'm also not hurting anyone to do it my way. I do care about depicting the character as in canon, cause that's the character I fell in love with, but also if I write a story in which I turned up the dials on his anxiety and made him adorably worried about social misteps so I can reassure him that he's fine— I also get to do that. It's not hurting anyone to be silly or cliche or cringe or make the blorbos kiss or have them be friends with different people or ignore all aspects of lore that do not bring you joy or what have you. Our fandom now, do what you want.

I think that there are a lot of different ways to do fandom, and a lot of learning to exist in fandom is letting other people do their own thing over there, and then you follow your bliss over there, and you can be as aware of them or not as you wish, but you don't have to cater to what other people like. In MCYT we do sometimes worry about creators who are only doing things because their fans/twitter want them to, and how that will lead to fear and creative burnout, and the same applies to fandom people. I think it's not a bad thing if you personally are concerned about writing the canon character and you keep going back to canon to check that, but it's also not a bad thing if you are four generations down in fandom characterization just having fun with it. And in both cases I think it's fair if the person who really likes canon doesn't read the fanon one, and the fanon person goes "but where is the [fandom tropes I like]" and doesn't read the canon one. Not everything you write or draw is going to be for everybody, and that's fine. I even have friends who love unhappy endings and I do not, and we're still friends, I just do not click through on their unhappy ending fics.

Mostly I just think you have to check yourself and go "is this actually bad or did I see someone post a rant about how tired they were of it" and if it's like "this is sexist" maybe consider if you agree with that person or not, and if it's "this trope is overdone" then do whatever you want forever.

[ursachaotic]

Ok this might be a little weird and I want to tell this to you anonymously because I don't want to make you feel pressured into answering ^^' (let it be known I am a mutual of yours & I know we don't talk but I think you're really cool <:) Your genuine love for Gravity Falls and you excitement about The Book of Bill is kind of. Helping me rekindle old love for the franchise. I stopped interacting with it more or less involuntarily (bad experience with bad people) and felt bad that I can't get into it but honestly your interest did help me rediscover it, or at least start to do so. Like I've picked up my old Journal 3 a couple times this week, I thought about re-watching the show, I bookmarked the cheapest "to be released" listings for TBOB in the online shops in my country, I have the thisisnotawebsitedotcom bookmarked too. I've been picking up my hand-made-from-a-towel Bill plush and just looking at him. Thinking about trying to find his hat and make him a new bow because I took them off when it was just too awful to perceive.

I hope this isn't weird. I genuinely don't mean to be weird or trigger your anxiety or anything, I mean it. Your love for this show and everything around it is helping me a bit to rediscover my own, which is great, because as someone with interest in folklore, the paranormal and cryptids, GF was an amazing thing to discover. I myself made a grown up version of Dipper, who's a full-on cryptid hunter and wrote a lot of stories about him, later turning that concept into my own thing because it was too painful to keep but I loved all of the creatures I made and the lore and stuff. So I just took my ideas and moved it into my own thing, which is currently my most developed universe with my most beloved ocs.

This is lengthy. Sorry. Again, I genuinely don't want to creep you out, just, I'm glad I found you and your art and your comic and that you're so excited about your interests. Please know that you are never bad or annoying for loving what you love, please continue being so passionate about things, because it's really cool. You're cool. I hope you know that ^^ and, well, if not, I'm telling you. You're cool and your work is amazing.

(If you would prefer me to pm you feel free to post about it here or your personal? blog, whichever you're cool with, I'll probably see it and can just pm you with like "haha yeah I'm the long rekindled-interest anon" or you can answer this or just read & delete, I really don't mind if you don't want to answer ^^. Just, wanted to say this. Again I hope this isn't weird ;w; I swear I'm just a little adhd guy who used to love GF a lot, and possibly might be okay enough to start interacting with it on his own. And your love for the franchise helped.)

Hi this made me tear up (iN A GOOD WAY I PROMISE AHSDOFISADH I CRY WHEN I'M HAPPY LOL), this is seriously so, so sweet. Thank you so much for sending me this!! 🥹 I'm really glad that all of my silly Gravity Falls stuff has helped you get back into the show, and I hope you enjoy it and enjoy the Book of Bill if you get it!

Also, this seriously means a lot to me, especially because I'm actually really self-conscious about my interests and passions haha. I'm terrified of being seen as annoying, and there's been a lot of times recently where I've shut down out of the fear of being annoying about my interests. But I'm starting to not give a shit about whether or not people find me annoying online?? I want to be super vocal about something I adore so damn much cause it makes me happy! I've also been burnt out on drawing for a WHILE, but reading this book has given me so much inspiration, and drawing feels really fun and exciting again for the first time in a while! I struggle with depression a lot too, but my love for Bill and excitement about what's to come for the series has helped me feel really happy and kept me going for the first time in a bit. So, while I'm still scared of being perceived as annoying, I'm really happy right now and I want to keep doing stuff that makes me happy, even if that's just drawing Bill antagonizing me / my sona lmao. Seriously, thank you so much for sending me this! It's incredibly sweet and I'm really grateful that you did ;w;

Also you can absolutely reach out over DMs!! I would love to talk, but I hope you're having a wonderful day!! 🥹❤️

[beemers-hell]

**not me absolutely trying to avoid using Emoji’s but having the need to so I look silly and whimsical and not dramatic and like a frightened Victorian child😞**

ANYWAY….💀I’m new to sending a random thingy and I just wanted to send this anyway cuz I’m a little peanut brain and can’t decide on what I’m doing but besides that— 👹👹👹I REALLY LOVE YOUR ART STYLE SO MUCH ITS TOTALLY INSPIRING AND I THINK I SORTA GAINED A KIND OF LIKE “😦Oh Wowwie this person is so unique how do they post their art without being scared?” ((I posted like three things but I’m over here too goofy to go off from the Anonymous text thing but I really should cuz— 🧍🏽‍♀️……I’m rambling- 👹👹👹👹TO GET TO THE POINT I WILL LITERALLY EAT YOUR ART AND THROW A MILLION HEARTS ALL OVER YOUR CHARACTER DESIGNS RAAHHHHHHHH I LOVE THEM AAAAAAAA❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️—-

(Also random thing but like- how do artist genuinely post stuff and just— get it noticed?—😞 sorry I absolutely suck at this since I rarely ask people things on here since I wanna post my own silly art and characters but I get all “😦…OH! PEOPLE CAN SEE MY THINGS—“..but at the same time wanting people to see my artwork?— YEAH ITS CONFUSING AND MY BRAIN IS SO FRIED TRYING TO DRAW MY FAVORITE MADNESS COMBAT CHARACTER…..))

😞sorry that I just wrote a bunch of vomit from my brain I just don’t know how to send things without rambling like a deranged creature—

I CANT TELL YOU ALL THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR BEING SO KIND TO ME ITS NOT FAIR RAUAGAHAGUGSIGJSH

As for how you get noticed, straight up you just gotta get lucky. If you're like me where you're scared of talking to people and interacting with others, you're just gonna have to leave it up to luck whether people notice you or not lmao. That's what happened to me! I just posted my stupid doodles to the madness tags and didn't do much else and I ended up getting lucky in that a lot of people noticed me and a lot of people liked my shit.

Or you can just interact with a lot of people and you'll get your name out there that way! I'm too chicken shit to do that so I don't know how well that works personally lmao

Straight up, you just gotta conquer your nervousness over posting art. I was terrified of sharing my oc x canon stuff with Eb and Tricky publically but hey lo and behold people were really nice and encouraging about it. And now I'm not AS afraid to share stuff thats personal to me! Really its all about not letting your anxiety stop you from doing what you like. I had to learn how to overcome that and you will too!

Also, to all my fellow "is anxious about sharing my personal stuff that I think others will think is cringe type of content publically, esp in the Madness fandom": No one else opinion matters because Krinks has your back dawg. My proof is this lol

[teardew]

-

im thinking about making a patreon because i .. uh .. i cant justify drawing for myself anymore and its killing me lmao

it takes me really long to draw so any time i hav should be spent on comms... iv been trying to fight off burnout by drawing things i like inbetween commissions like that sv anatomy practice and vampire/werewolf mngling was just for me but it still ended up setting me behind schedule because i had to rest my eyes and wrist afterward. but not only that i also wanna like. make a lot more things ...

like i wanna do animal, insect, architectural, jewelry studies and fashion and character design explorations and try designing icon packs and branch out trying embroidery with mixed media and clothes making and get into making like 3d things with clay and soft sculptures. i wanna make historical fashion coloring books with việt phục and fashion zines ...

also theres a lot of stuff i dont post bc im not sure if anyone would be interested in all the design concepts and notes i had for example the homestuck dreamer outfits or the various sha hualing designs and sketches i had before getting to the thing i posted? like i hav a bunch of different sqh outfit and hair designs but theyr more clothing based and not detailed character/face art ...

idk !! it sounds like an excuse. its like, who cares just post it ! i know i shouldnt value my art by the amount of numbers i get from posting on social media and i dont mostly but its kinda unavoidable ? to me ? i know i only post fanart and ppl follow me for that and its not a bad thing ! being realistic i just dont think anybody but me would be interested in it ??

i dont know. god. i dont know what this post is about. ''i dont think anybody would be interested in the things i really wanna make'' but im thinking about making a patreon for things i really wanna make anyway because thats the only way i can justify it is if i can profit off it in some way. i dont really want to, but with my financial circumstances i dont know. i never wanted to make my livelihood off my art. i dont even consider or call myself an ''artist'' really, i just want to MAKE art

i dont know why i still cant find a steady job after 5 months applying to everything and its making me miserable. its embarassing, they say to be persistent with jobs but calling and even walking in to check on applications and watching employers awkwardly try to turn me away without just flat out telling me no even though none of them hire me is an exercise in public humiliation. how bad do you want a job? bad enough to make a fool of myself with nothing to show for it. and i want to make art for myself to cope but it takes too much time and time is money

maybe this post is about my art anxiety under capitalism. i dont know

i think im safe enough now to admit my friends gofundme i was posting about months ago about helping their friend escape their abusive household was actually my gofundme because i was worried about them finding out and preventing me from leaving or internet stalking me afterwards. i did hav a scare when i got a phone call i thought was from my brother but ended up being a police officer, whos my mother's friend ...

but anyways. me admitting this is just to give context that. i ran hundreds of miles away from financial security and everything i ever knew and im still struggling to find steady income nearly half a year later. i just dont understand what im doing wrong. is it my name? is it because im not from here? iv been working continuously ever since i could legally my resume isnt BAD. am i just stupid? should i have just tried to make peace with my lot in life?

i thought getting away from my family would let me be in a better place to create more art, thats one of the things i was so excited about but this feels just as stressful as when i was the only earner supporting my family during covid. i just want a stable job so i can make art. i dont want making art to be my Job. i dont want to be a ''starving artist'' begging for people to care about my art i just want to make art. but fuck i dont know how to sustain any of this

sorry for this mess. insurance is different out here and i havnt been able to find a psych either so its not like i can talk about this in therapy instead of venting on my art blog. all my life i wanted to make things without the fear of it all being destroyed. the main reason i havnt branched out from illustrations is because its entirety can be saved digitally even if its physically ruined. my sketchbooks were thrown away or ripped apart by my family either from carelessness or anger to hurt me but now that im finally enough safe to have them again or make something i can hold in my hands without the fear that someone will come in break it and make me clean up its corpse i cant afford it

i dont know what to do. is it worth it? is making art worth it? i mean. its worth the rent this month. and i still love drawing god this is probably bad for business because i dont want people to feel bad for commissioning me or anything but not to be dramatic why does it feel like im fucking dying

[vulturesrottencorpse]

Is this part of my autism or am I just an asshole

ok so basically, there's this really nice girl in my class, she keeps trying to talk me me (guess she wants to be my friend) but I don't like her. I go to a school that isn't mainstream so we get a lot of people with autism, ADHD, ect. You'd think this would make this easier to make friends, right? No. For some reason I'm a very picky person with who I talk to, I need someone who's smarter than me or gets my humour or something. This girl, she just talks, and talks and doesn't get the hint when I try to politely shoo her away. I'll be drawing, she will comment on it and if I respond even with a thanks, she takes it as an invitation to pull her chair over and sit and draw with me. Constantly asking "should I do this?" "How do I draw this part" " what do you think" every 2 minutes. It annoys me because 1, I don't want to be rude, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I can't just tell her to go away, and 2 , I HATE socialising, even with my friends I find talking hard (irl, at least)

Getting too long but, is this normal? Am I a bad person for not liking this person who wants to be my friend, who's really nice and shares all my interests? Aren't you supposed to like people who are just like you? We are almost exactly the same yet I can't stand her. Maybe this is what it's like for other people who talk to me. I don't know.

Edit: a part I forgot to mention was that she has anger issues and gets annoyed pretty easily. When she's mad she just starts yelling and stuff, if I accidentally offend her by telling her I don't want to be her friend I'd be the centre of attention as the person she'd yelling at, which would probably give me a panic attack.

Since the start of this year I've become a very VERY shy person. If you were to ask anyone in my class or any teachers (from my class only) about me theyed probably shrug and say "who?" Or, "oh. The one that draws all the time" which is super odd because basically my whole life I've been bullied and to combat that I became a very loud and outspoken perdon. I still had social anxiety but with my friends I was pretty much obnoxiously confident. I've gone from being told to "shut up!" And "stop talking to loud" to "speak up" and "talk a bit louder nobody can hear you." So the switch is pretty sudden, and attention, ANY attention, a teacher saying hi to me in class, someone walking past and even glancing at me, sets me into panic.

So I can't tell this girl to simply go away, even if I wasn't scared of being mean.

Also, rereading this post I'd like to clarify that I asked if this was autism because of my extremely low social battery, people pleasing behaviour, ect. And I asked if im an asshole because you're SUPPOSED to get along with people who are the same as you. With people who have similar interests or struggles but I HATE being around those people. I hate being around people who remind me of myself. My whole life I've been friends with the confident, loud and unapologetic people. But the more I think, the more my brain tells me "you just don't like them because they have autism, and that annoys you" (IM LITERALLY AUTISTIC)

This is quickly turning into a long ramble session rather than an explanation. So, feel free to just ignore this wall of text lmao.

[catladymasterofsqirl]

Hi I’m cat they/them I have adhd a severe anxiety and mobility issues so I suck at lots of stuff that normal people can do so tell me any tips for really anything. I like to draw play video games read and other stuff idk really how to describe it tho

If I block you it’s probably cause you are posting things related to the election rn and I am very anxious to the point of like hdkwbdjej I will probably unblock you after the election is over

I’m in like 20 fandoms but you will most likely just see sbg and omori posts here because that’s what most of my mutuals post about and I’m to scared to make my own fandom posts also it doesn’t show in my posts but I have been in the danganronpa brainrot amount of hyperfixation for 4 years now I think so like yea

I also make image ids and write subtitles for videos to try and make this site more accessible to everyone I’m new to this though and also the part of the reason I write subtitles is because i struggle to comprehend words I can absolutely hear just can’t like comprehend so if I am doing something in incorrect formatting please correct me i will not be upset

I no longer have a terf / trans misogynist/ trans misondrias block list due to the fact that im fucking stupid sry lol

If you wanna check out my art then go to #sqirl art

I’m addition my sister who is enby but likes being called my sister cause they wanna be just like me (they don’t even know I’m enby so don’t you dare say they are faking being enby to copy me I will fight you) loves when I post their art or draw their ocs so to see cute sibling bonding over art go to #smypie art

For silly lil shit posts and that go to #sqirl shit

I also run the barron rp account and stuff but everyone already knows that lol

But yea I saw most people have like descriptions and stuff so thought I should add one too lol

Also fair warning I may talk about trauma related things and unhealthy coping mechanisms on here mostly sh but sometimes it may be other things along with suicidal tendencies and thinking everyone hates me if that bothers you please block me I don’t want to accidentally trigger anyone ever and I won’t be offended if you do

[falling-angelss]

Hi !! welcome

This is an OC posting blog. I will be posting all art, stories, and other things related to these OCs and their universe here.

if you're here, you're most likely one of my mutuals who already knows a bit about these ocs, but i'll be posting a lot more of their story and lore here. if you aren't a mutual and you're just some random user that stumbled across this blog... ur also welcome ofc!! just know im shaking im trembling im so scared im so afraid /hj

Links to each chapter (and other stuff?) will be posted below once finished.

E1, Chapter 1 - "Trip Up"

E1, Chapter 2 - “DMV Struggle”

WARNING,

this blog and some of the writing and art posted here contains or may contain topics like SH, abuse, religious topics and religious trauma, depictions of anxiety and panic attacks, and other sensitive topics that may trigger or disturb some. there may also be moderate nudity in things like reference sheets and some art pieces, but there wont be anything sexually explicit. there shouldn't be too much dark content, but just keep it in mind. these characters stories are meant to be fairly real and human. if you aren't in the mindset for some of these things, you've now been informed. be safe :)

Owner intro

you can call me Kabuki or Kayden, i use He/Him pronouns, im 15 years old, and im terribly obsessed with my ocs and their story

my main/personal blog is @kabukicolby , you can read about me there (and see more of my other characters :D)

feel free to ask me anything, here or on my other blog :)

Blog/OC story intro

This blog is focusing on the characters Wesley Burchell and Aurelius (Ari) Stevens, and some other characters in their universe.

I'll specifically be focusing on Wesley a lot, since i want this story to be told mostly from his point of view. it should be noted that anything written in his pov can not be taken as fully accurate 100% of the time. he's an unreliable narrator, sometimes his view of things can be warped. if you ever want to ask me about any details, feel free. i may be able to clarify and add some things to help add more context from an outside perspective, unless its something i want to keep a mystery of course.

anything written/said in AMA answers and other things like that by me as the author will be in this color of text. anything by Wesley will be in blue text, anything by Ari will be in yellow text, anything by background characters will be in purple text.

i categorize different sections of specifically Wesleys life in "Eras". at the moment, Era 1, Era 2, and Era 3, starting when Wesley first moves to America. anything before that is BE1, "Before Era 1", and anything after Era 3 has been undecided yet, since im not exactly that far into the complete story yet.

I have no intention of this story ever being anything too too serious. this blog is really just for my own enjoyment and for sharing my characters backstory with my friends and mutuals.

if you have any questions you want to ask specifically to an oc instead of me as the author, feel free to do so. (its funny it makes me giggle)

below are Wesley and Ari's ref sheets (these are for E2, i will be making references for E1 and E3 sometime soon. and possibly remaking these ones eventually)

Other stuff idk

im currently working on wes and aris toyhouse pages. once those are done, they will be linked here.

you're free to draw or make any fanworks (fanfics, etc) of these ocs, as long as you dont claim them as your own and you credit me. (and show me because omg) just dont be like a weirdo idk

i think thats about it! i will update this as needed of course. :)

[keeganmantle]

Well, it's been 2 months since that situation, and everything is back to normal, but you might be wondering how I'm feeling right now. Well, at least Tumblr is fine now. I feel fine, but of course I'm never gonna get over what that guy did. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, 2 months ago I got in some beef with this guy. I'm not saying his name since I moved on, but I'll say that I did not start it. I don't know what his deal was. He liked my stuff, said my art was good. He asked about an art trade once which I said no. What did I do to deserve this? Was he mad I turned down an art trade? Was he jealous of my work? I'll never know, and I don't care. Because as time passed, one day I'm just on my computer and I get mentioned in a post where he just keeps going off about me. When he doesn't know me at all! Talked smack about me. What was he so mad about?! Why was I a target?! I did nothing to this man. And I don't care about him at all because he's crazy. Here's why. So I just called him out and blocked him. Nothing too crazy. But then the next morning, I wake up, check my Tumblr, and I get this DM from him. He was using different accounts to harass me. He sent me very disgusting and disturbing art of him killing me. Then said he knew where I lived, knew my parents. Like, how? What a freaking maniac! I should mention he's from China and knowing what they're capable of it should be no surprise.😐

I still don't understand what he's so mad about. He kept saying awful things like he was gonna find me, do horrible things to me, all because I blocked him. If you get so butthurt about someone blocking you that you decide to threaten them, you need some serious help. I have all the evidence of what he did. I took screenshots. They're all over the internet. He was mad at me because he's crazy that's my guess. Because I like to post about my comfort characters so what? They helped me through a lot. I came to Tumblr to expand my social media content and also because Twitter keeps crapping itself. And now thanks to that guy, I kinda have trust issues on here. I'm trying to be careful interacting with people. I just don't want this to happen again. And he made me really scared of DMs. When I was on Facebook 3-4 years ago, I was 17 at the time, a bunch of middle-aged perverted women kept DMing me. It really scarred me. That was the start of me having comfort characters. I just wanna stay away from awful women. Is that so wrong? Also, since I'm in a distant relationship with my girlfriend, comfort characters help me through being lovesick.😊

But yeah, that man has traumatized me. C'mon, he said he knew where I lived, said he was gonna find me and kill me and my family! He's a psychopath! I hope he's doing his own thing now. He should've got off the internet because he came back claiming he's the victim. It makes me laugh. I know I have nothing to worry about as you guys know the truth and I know crazy people usually try to gaslight the whole situation.😁

He said I made up the whole thing. How in the world could I make this up?! He also said I made those drawings. Dude, I don't draw like that! Why would I waste my time trying to make him look bad and make those drawings myself? Why would I do that to myself?! I was just documenting what he was doing. He ruined his own life. I'm not going to apologize. I'm not gonna forgive him. Why should I? He doesn't know what I've been through. And he just cause even more anxiety. Now you see why I need my comfort characters? Because people like him exist. Also I was having suspicions about him. This thing of him threatening me in the Tumblr DMs went on for a few days. He also said to have s*xual fantasies about me. And what he did that made me lose it and end his whole career was something that would make your blood boil too. He sent me something very awful. It was an art of him violating my girlfriend! The love of my life! Then said very perverted things about her and my mom. Now see why I think he's a pervert? A predator? More importantly a r*pist?! He might as well be! You don't do that to people. Words can hurt. Actions can hurt. It all hurts.😥

I love my girlfriend so much. We met nearly 2 years ago. She was a fan of mine. Then we became good friends and then eventually started dating.😊

The whole situation of what that guy did made me feel insecure, but I know that she loves me. She told me so. Our bond is strong. I know she's fine. I feel like we were meant to be. I feel like I found the woman I wanna spend the rest of my life with. What that guy did made me really worried about her. I know it was just an art but it felt real. I get very sensitive when it comes to violence towards women. It really makes my blood boil!😡

I still cry a bit from that art. I don't want her to get hurt. Anything about women getting hurt makes me cry a bit. I don't know why, I just don't wanna see that stuff. Especially if it's my girlfriend! Whenever something like Lifetime is on TV and they're playing a movie about a girl getting abused or something I sometimes have to either try to lock my eyes to my screen if I'm on my phone or playing a game, or sometimes just walk out of the room. I'm sorry, I just can't do it. I can't handle it. Just goes to show how much I care about women at least.😁

Really, he knows nothing. He traumatized me. What he did made me wanna let out some stuff I've been holding back or at least wanted to tell you but Twitter limits so much. I can have comfort characters. These female characters helped me remember there are good women in the world. As I still deal with some disgusting cougar moms mostly p*rn bots!😐

Even on here. I got weird DMs of women saying they're h*rny and wanted to chat in a sussy link. Just give me a break! I'm not that kind of man! Anyway, thank you all so much for the love and support. It was a really embarrassing yet traumatizing situation. You don't do that to people! If you hate something, just ignore it! That's what I do. Let's make this year even better. Let's try not to let any mishaps happen. Screw the haters. Lowlifes suck! Love you guys. Thank you.❤️

[sollucets]

hi rowan! sorry to hear you had a rough day. for the writing ask game: how about 19, 28, and/or 39?

hello mel 💜💜💜 thank you for indulging me (game) i wrote. way too much. and it was a lovely distraction x

19. tell me a story about your writing journey. when did you start? why did you start? were there bumps along the way? where are you now and where are you going?

i will stick with only one of these i think, or this will be far Far too long, so: fic writer rowan, several starts

the first time i remember like specifically intentionally setting out to write something that counts as a story, on purpose & not for school, i am eight & i am handwriting in a composition notebook and i am writing oc/transparent self-insert fanfiction about the protector of the small quartet by tamora pierce. i am using the family computer to look up oc names on angelfire fansites. these are 100% The Days haha.

i do more stuff like that, later; i handwrite pages on pages of pokemon fanfic (make-ur-own region type thing complete with bad drawings of fake pokemon). i do a lot of this kind of thing on my own and for me, and then i am maybe 10 or 11 & i move that to forums (bulbagarden palletshipping thread…..,,,) this is baby fanfic writer rowan genesis, and posting on the internet before i was in middle school entirely killed my desire to do it for over a decade; i write often and a lot even outside of my work (ive completed nanowrimo three times!) but nobody ever sees it.

i get an ao3 in 2013 and post one doctor who fic but i am too scared and i orphan it right away. during a really intense media fixation i try again at the beginning of 2022 despite immense anxiety and find its not so bad. and then again for a different fandom a couple months later, and the response is such an immediate pickmeup & the writer friends ive made are so lovely that ive been trying my best ever since

28. who is the most delightful character youve ever written? why?

this is so hard. sobs. i like writing characters that have unique speech patterns, who like. make the narrative Sound different by being the pov character, which is something thats sometimes kind of hard about english-translated works (am i changing their cadence too much would they actually talk like that how much is my interpretation of the subs messing it up) so,,, i think for me i think the Most delightful characters that i always have the most fun writing are always characters like. avvy rasmr, who talks like a little fantasy spock, or anyone i can give talking quirks (like aye’s petnames). this is a copout u cant ever ask me my favorite anything i cant choose

39. what keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?

you see most of the time i am aware that i love writing its something thats good for me as a person and i feel better when i do it even if its hard and the process occasionally sucks and in that way it is similar to like. taking a stupid mental health walk. you know. so,,,, if i can (sometimes you really just cannot. it happens. its okay) i just…. like….. honestly the ‘i’m being so brave about it’ mindset is good for this. be annoyed & bitch & complain but u still gotta do it and look!!! you did!!!!!

also selective giving up is good for you. have several things to choose from so if something stalls you Can give up, just a little, and go elsewhere for a bit

[outofangband]

little musing about Aerin and drawing

Mentions of canonical abuse,

nothing graphic but this is still potentially a rough one. On that note unfortunately I probably am going to have to give Brodda a tag if only so people can filter out stuff more easily. In the meantime I’m using cw abuse still as a catch all

…I actually intended for this piece to be happy or hopeful in the beginning? It got out of hand

Aerin takes up drawing during her captivity. She’s never been one for activities that involve sitting and concentrating, she’s always preferred movement and the outdoors but these are precious here and trips beyond the house must be planned with care. She’s very poor at first but she develops a lot of skill over time. She’s also expressly forbidden from written communication without permission but her drawings are innocuous enough that no one pays much mind to them.

She has become very good at being overlooked by the right people. Even Brodda will pay her little mind if she acts cowed enough. Or unless he’s bored.

She thinks that maybe this could serve a purpose some day and, like so many other things…

she’s trapped, she’s so restless, the bruises on her arms won’t fade, she’s afraid for Morwen, she doesn’t trust that the fear Brodda has for her will erupt into something worse and if it does, she’s scared for herself, she sees those he takes into his chambers in her place distracted and tearful the next day, she’d rather bite off her own tongue than keep holding it but she has to…

She files it away in her mind.

She particularly enjoys drawing animals and flowers though there are a few other frequent topics that she sketches before promptly throwing the scraps of fabric and charcoal or occasional parchment into the fire. She also likes to give other prisoners and slaves little doodles, usually leaving them on their cots or in little alcoves. It makes them smile in secret

It’s harmless. She is harmless. She is harmless. She is harmless.

…

(Morwen has a few scraps of parchment she keeps sewn into a cloak pocket all the way to Doriath. She doesn’t look at them.)

…

Note: as always I am thinking about Morwen being accused of being a witch and the fear that Brodda and co have for her. I have several posts in progress in addition to the many I’ve already posted but I was thinking with regards to Aerin how this adds another level of anxiety and dread for her. She receives very little comfort from Brodda’s fear of Morwen because she knows all too well he’s not the sort to approach his own fears with dignity. She’s terrified that the mere presence of a figure, a woman, who intimidates his men by existing will lead to retaliation. She also knows that if something happens to Morwen or if she is driven out, her last sanctuary will be gone. Brodda will have successfully taken everything from her

On that happy note, here’s two snippets from an upcoming story involving stuff I’ve written about in headcanons (it’s in my word ran among them tag)

“You will keep your distance from her, Witchwife, or you will suffer far worse than what has befallen Lysant.” Morwen says nothing to this. Her expression is distinctly cold, head tilted almost in mockery. The speaker’s horse paws nervously at the ground and

Sador sees his hand go to his sword He wishes more ardently than before that he had not lost his prowess with a blade. The only one he keeps now is the one that had been Túrin’s, tucked into his satchel. It had mended the traps they had set well enough but it would serve little use here.

She knew some of Brodda’s men had ventured nearer to Morwen’s house as a challenge, a drunken dare. The last time had resulted in an actual confrontation. Aerin was certain that she alone knew just how jarring the encounter had been for Morwen. Though Aerin knew by nature of such forays she could not have given any warning even if she could have risked a journey beyond the house on such short notice, she still felt sick with guilt.

I need to post more interactions between Morwen and awful people… especially since my main pieces that have them are There Is a Meadow (unpublished, is a very dark fic considering nothing really happens in it) and Foray (contains like three paragraphs of notes)

@theworldisquietheretooquiet thank you for the encouragement and your own heartbreaking writing!

[danthecrypitd]

My apology for the Matchabunns situation

Before you ask why I didn't post this onto Twt, I wish to never return to that site as it genuinely gives me anxiety just being on there.

I will like to start this off with I am so sorry. I never wish to hurt anyone but I did and I want to make this post explaining my side of this situation. Before I joined the PT fan Discord server, I never really had any online friends other than my IRLs that I talk to on discord. I was taught to never talk to people online unless you know them in person. During my PT hyperfixation, I've decided to finally talk to people who I can express my interests with and it was my first truly talking in a server with people whom I can call my friends. There were good people who just wanted to have a good time and then there were others who weren't the nicest bunch of people. During this time, I was a part of a group who decided to go onto another server and for a while it was good until something happened which I do not recall then Matcha suggested we go into a server which they own and we spent time there. Before this, Matcha would complain and make fun of Andy in which everyone seemed to agree and me, being the stupid idiot who wanted to be a part of the group, joined in. At first it was harmless stuff but Matcha began to tell us more and more stuff about Andy that was boarding on excessive but nobody picked it up until retrospect about the whole situation. Matcha would encourage others to shit talk Andy and even wanted us to draw Andy seething with rage in which I drew and Matcha even made it into emojis for the sever. I enjoy drawing exaggerated faces so I thought it was a fun exercise but now I see it as something I should have NEVER done and I am so sorry. Then came the whole situation onto Twt and me and my group were like a family. If someone threatened one of us, we would defend them, no matter what and that was our downfall. We didn't see all the red flags and defended Matcha with all we had and it cost us everything. I nearly ended myself over this and others as well because the harassment was too much. This is the reason why I'm too scared to post onto Twt because I know I'm gonna get harassed and probably doxxed or sent DMS of people yelling at me to end myself. I know I'm a coward for running away but it was either that or I wouldn't be here. After my visit to the psych ward, I didn't want to be a part of this situation anymore so I ran away because just the mere thought of it drove me into crying fits that would last the entire day and I would hurt myself countless times over it. I've lost a lot of friends and they have every right to no longer talk to me because of my actions and I am sorry but the biggest apology I have to give is to Andy. Andy, if you're reading this, I am so sorry. Words can never explain how sorry I am for being a part of the harassment you received and you do not have any right to get it so I'm sorry. This is going to be the final post about this situation because it genuinely makes me feel ill talking about this. I wish to never speak to Bug, Cae, Cherrybomb, or Matcha because just the thought of talking to them made me throw up writing this so please I wish to never speak to them ever again. I am sorry for everything I've done. Thank you for reading this and I hope you have a wonderful day or night.