#a lot of it is my intrusive thoughts i think tbh

[skrunksthatwunk]

i would really appreciate it if i didn't have a brain that thought torturing me was a helpful response to being scared of us. im your copilot stop fucking tazing me you dick

[neil-perrys-suicidal-tendencies]

John Wayne Gacy, Jr. is like a fucking slap across the face of 14 year old me who thought she was a predator.

*sighs*

[swearimnevergivingup]

BLOOMING - suguru x reader

synopsis: had your eyes always shone that bright when you smiled? that tingling feeling in his chest; the urge to envelop you and keep you safe like an overzealous guard dog - had it always been there? or had it crept in gradually - born from too many sleepovers tangled in the same blankets, of sticky fingers and bruised knees at the playground, of countless evenings spent at your family’s house, feeling like he belonged there as much as you did? (700 words, sfw)

a/n: both of them are around 14-16 here. let’s not think too hard about the age rn afshsjahd it’s just a lighthearted fluffy bit about childhood friends to lovers <3 tbh i have a lot more of where this came from in my drafts but i’m quite undecided if i should continue with this

suguru could still vividly recall the first time he felt that uncharted emotion creeping in, something that took him by surprise and unsettled him in a way he couldn’t fully understand. it was a warm summer day, and you had shown up at the gojo residence for one of satoru’s needlessly extravagant parties. you were wearing a light floral dress, the kind that swayed playfully just above your knees when you walked, and your hair was neatly braided into twin french braids. the oppressive heat had flushed your cheeks a soft pink, matching the subtle tint on your lips. 

he hadn’t thought much of it at first—until satoru leaned over, casually draping an arm around his shoulder, and whispered with a smirk, “dude, she’s hot.”

suguru stiffened. he almost choked on the pizza he had half-stuffed in his mouth. hot? he’d heard satoru throw that word around a million times - most recently when he showed off his lock screen wallpaper of that gravure model, waka inoue - but never had it applied to you. not you.

not the girl he’d grown up with, who used to shove bugs in his face for fun, who got her first period on his bed and stained his freshly washed sheets in the process, who always snorted like a little pig when laughing too hard. he still vividly remembers your mortified face as you clutched his sheets and refused to stand up - your face burning a deep red. 

hot?? it seemed that not that long ago, that thought alone would have been absolutely laughable. tell that to 8 year old suguru and he would have keeled over, clutching his stomach in a fit of giggles.

but now, 6 years later, that word seemed to make his stomach twist and his throat tighten. he realises it wasn’t the word itself that stirred discomfort - no, it was hearing it come out of someone else’s mouth. it felt like a rude intrusion. almost like… disrespect? it rang in his ears like an unspoken boundary crossed, its presence foreign and uneasy.

so suguru bristled, his jaw tightening involuntarily. “her? c’mon, dude. no way,” he snapped, his voice way sharper than he intended. 

he took a quick glance over at you, unconsciously scowling at the thought of you trying to impress someone here.

a certain sense of sharp, selfish possessiveness seized him. no one should be looking at you like that. he hated the very thought. 

except… maybe him. 

a dark thought invaded him, one that made his stomach twist. he had never viewed his best friend as competition, but when it came down to it… satoru was definitely more of your type, wasn’t he? bright, energetic, and effortlessly charming in ways suguru was probably not, and a big fat flirt, too. satoru was the heir to the gojo conglomerate, and suguru had two divorced parents who couldn’t even agree on what to eat for lunch.

(he wasn’t exactly sure how that last one mattered, but he was sure it did).

“i'm just saying!” satoru had continued, oblivious as per usual. “she used to be all ugly duckling and stuff, but i guess she’s really—”

he loved satoru, really, he did. but he was going to have to kill him now. death by way of punting him into the burning sun, which the weather happened to be perfect for that day. 

“shut up,” he groaned loudly, smacking him in the chest, perhaps a tiny bit too hard. whatever, he deserved it. “she’s like a sister to me. off limits, dude.”

suguru didn’t even fully believe the words as they left his mouth. what the hell was wrong with him? a sister?? suguru, you’re a sick fuck. that word almost felt dirty to say. he didn’t know what exactly he felt for you, but it certainly wasn’t that.

suguru sneaked another brief look at you. you catch him, giving him a quick wave of your hands, and a small, gentle upturn of your lips. 

he swallows hard. 

had your eyes always shone that bright when you smiled? that tingling feeling in his chest; the urge to envelop you and keep you safe like an overzealous guard dog - had it always been there? or had it crept in gradually - born from too many sleepovers tangled in the same blankets, of sticky fingers and bruised knees at the playground, of countless evenings spent at your family’s house, feeling like he belonged there as much as you did?

he wanted you all to himself, he decided.

you were his best friend, after all.

[lubrumalis]

konig headcanons! (realistic)

tw: nsfw

all of these are realistic hc! dont expect a normal konig

hes NOT a shy awkward pushover, just because he has social anxiety??? we can see through his voice lines hes a very cocky person and speaks rather agressively

“lets be honest, its better off in my hands.”

i hc that just because konig has social anxiety, he doesn’t express this through bring soft and shy, he expresses it through his bluntness

konig wanted to be a sniper but did not because he couldn’t stand still, has social anxiety, i hc he has some form of adhd

his very cocky and blunt shouting isn’t because hes mean, but he just doesnt wanna be seen as that bullied kid he once was

hes doesnt have horrible EQ, but the kind of guy to be incredibly unfiltered

also, this guy was literally assigned as a human battering ram, you think hes all soft and sweet???😅😅😅

no he won’t get angry or cry if his mask is taken off. just annoyed.

its not actually canon that konig is a colonel (correct me if im wrong, i couldnt find anything on the official wiki) but lets assume hes one anyway

even if he isnt, gets paid well. really well.

private military companies that deploy soldiers in areas of active conflict can pay up to hundreds of thousands for one soldier

considering konigs age (late 30s at least) and skills, probably 400-500k a year.

chose to join the military because he had an obsession with tanks and guns as a kid

a lot of hc’s say hes 6’10. i disagree, simply based off of chances and the fact thats wayyyy too tall for the military

but he was described as a mountain, so id say his height is around 6’5-6’8

very very intimidating. hes tall big and has the mask of an executioner in the 15th century. who wouldn’t be scared?

definitely will say some random german word in a situation where no one else there knows german. he doesn’t give a damn lol

hates americans (thinks theyre all obese, mannerless, and bad at geography)

brings up the most random topics. again i really think konig has adhd.

konig was not good at school and hated it, mainly due to the anxiety and how he couldn’t pay attention

also why he chose the path of a soldier

drinks lots of beer, high alcohol tolerance, this guys a true european.

loves austrian or german food. loves schnitzel and pies.

konigs breakfast is literally sausages, toast, eggs, and sometimes beer

BIG APPETITE. he could eat for 3 people.

a little insecure about his appearance, not confident in his looks :( also why he hid his face

but as he grew older he uses the mask for actual purposes of concealing his identity, he is a special ops soldier after all

kind of a cheapskate. he chose to hide his face with what, polyester? chose a piece of cloth over everything else.

has very conservative beliefs. not to the point where he hates abortion and votes far right, konig is just a little confused about some things certain liberals believe in

pretty political person lmao

not enough info to conclude whether or not konig was abused as a kid tbh

he was definitely miserable for a period in his life. hes in the military living a monotone life, barely any contact with others, and constantly living in fear he’d die

i dont think hes as traumatized as ghost tho🙂🙂

konig appreciates his dna and how it makes him big and tall, but sometimes gets incredibly annoyed at it

mainly because well, he got bullied for itas a kid

because he specializes in hostage rescue a lot of hostages (especially kids) are scared of him and refuse to leave the area with him

takes a lot of convincing 🥲🥲

has a lot of intrusive thoughts

cannot use social media properly

also texts like an old grandpa. uses 😂 and 🤣 unironically.

“Can we have burgers 🍔 tonight🌃?”

probably uses a blackberry or reallyyyyy old iphone

relationship hcs:

konigs voice actor (jim boeven) stated in a livestream that konigs wife would ideally be a mix between maria pedraza (actress) and rachael from blade runner (character from movie).

both are 170cm ish and brunettes

i can actually see that—konig is massive and he probably prefers someone on the tall side

first thing you did that led to your relationship with him? you tolerated him that is. listened to him ranting😃

i can see him with a civilian or someone whos in the military tbh

finds you pretty at first

enjoys bickering, he needs someone to simulate his mind

you know those stories where his s/o is 5’2, clingy, soft af, and neeeeeeeds konig? haha you won’t be getting that from me.

unlike ghost, who really takes his time to get to know someone and opens up slowly, scared to have his trust broken again

konig charges in like the human battering ram he is😁

if he has a feeling you’re trustworthy you are trustworthy.

horrible at flirting. he doesn’t know how to talk to women smoothly

needs someone equally as weird and funny

s/o needs to be someone with very firm boundaries and can stand their ground, i think konigs a really stubborn person, so for a healthy relationship to work, s/o can’t be the generic bimbo

konig wears the pants in the relationship

doesn’t let you pay. he has a enough money and believes men should always pay

(im sorry to break your delusions) konig does not strike to me as someone who likes a docile homebody. thats ghost (if you remove the word docile).

he doesn’t like extremely dominant partners either

imagine someone who is a listener, accepting yet blunt, shares his quirks, and has a very elegant feel to them

also someone very independent

also gonna get killed for this but konig would realistically not go for a girl in her early twenties. he prefers elegance and sophistication over being cute and jumpy

hates one night stands.

values relationships more than you think. he can come off as strong at first, but hes trying his best

ecstatic when you tell him you wanna learn german (hes not a good teacher)

doesn’t like play fighting, he thinks he’s gonna accidentally hurt you

admires you a lot. he knows hes not the best looking person and doesn’t understand the makeup skincare dress up thing.

isn’t paranoid, but definitely doesn’t say he has an s/o

if you ever get mad at him, konig will tighten all jars in the kitchen so you have to ask him for help :)

extremely unfiltered. he hates your cooking? he will say it. that dress looks better than the other? he will say it.

[love-fictional-ppl]

Heath Ledger’s joker as a bf

Pairings: joker x fem!reader

Warnings: language, joker (he needs his own warning) marijuana, blood, criminal activities🥸 smut, etc.

A/N: requested by my home girl😭🤞 (h/c) is hair color

SFW:

On the occasion he gives you a gift, just remember he didn’t pay for it

Both of you dying your hair together and then getting into a hair dye fight where in the end both of you are covered in green and (h/c)

Will force you to rob a bank with him atleast once

If, IF he showers he will make you join him

He smokes/takes Eddies so going to McDonald’s in the middle of the night is a routine at this point

Nighttime, dancing in the rain in Gotham together

Batman impersonations are your inside joke

Sharing your intrusive thoughts with each other and laughing about it like it’s the most normal thing ever

He will not go to the hospital unless he’s shot really badly so most the time he will have you help clean him up after getting into with Bruce.

If you ask him to do his hair or make up (not clown make up) he might say yes but only after a certain exchange iykyk

Will not tell you his real name until like 8 months into your relationship and he does it in the most random and casual way ever. It makes me giggle so lemme play it out for you😭

You’re sat at the table in the kitchen eating cereal while reading the newspaper, Joker sleeping still or so you thought.

“Jack.”

You jump out of the chair landing on the grown, on your ass. Looking up you see the joker standing in the doorway. You annoyed now half-shout, “Who tf is jack?!”

“Me,” he responds simply, “my name is jack.”

“Oh. Well next time don’t scare me!”

Randomly asks shit like “would you rather your brain in a cockroach’s body or a cockroach’s brain in your body?”

Does not filter himself in public so strangers do get details about your sex life

AND SPEAKING OF WHICH

TIME FOR THE NSFW PART

NSFW:

He definitely is a fan of doggy style, when you do doggy he like to put you in a chokehold

Likes to tie you up

He’s dominant that’s a fact, if you want to top him you gotta plead a little bit

Will ask to try new things a lot

Loves getting head more than giving it I feel like

Likes to cum in you or on your stomach

Overstimulation king 👑

Has a mushroom tip🫥

Tbh gives no fucks about ppl being around like he has fingered you in front of a train full of people

He hates condoms but doesn’t want kids so you better be on the pill or ready for the consequences

Degrades you and call you shit like:

“Slut”

“Whore”

“Cock sleeve”

“Cum dump”

But he also will mix nicer pet names in like:

“Pretty girl”

“Hot stuff”

“Sugar”

“Baby”

“Good lookin’”

He sucks with aftercare ngl

Most he’ll do is bring you water and cuddle a bit

Tbh that’s all I can think of😭😭😭

[nico-esoterica]

Your thinking is an investment.

(Long Post): Even if shit doesn't hit the fan right away, you're planning for that story to eventually happen. If you hate your job, your living situation, your life path, whatever it is, the story you're telling about it to others and yourself is always manifesting. You can't turn it off. It's okay to not enjoy it, hate it, etc. But it's important to pivot your mindset and investing in seeing it changing. Whatever you tell yourself consistently will play out.

I'm going to discuss intrusive thoughts and OCD below and how I managed mine while manifesting:

Intrusive thought/OCD wise, it's not any or every thought that pops up in your brain. It's just what you validate. Even if you're afraid or paranoid about xyz, your emotional mind thinks it's real but the rest of you doesn't. Your mental responses you can't control aren't going to manifest. In therapy, you learn that you don't have to give these fleeting thoughts power, even if they're incessant. You still have control. It's also totally okay if you vent about your circumstances btw. That's not going to affect anything if you say it won't.

Everyone is always going through something. And during all this, especially with transitioning from taking full control after a lifetime of thinking you couldn't, it may feel like absolutely nothing is going on and shit can feel frustrating. However, what you don't know is that you're rewriting all of the people and situations you've changed your mind about. You may not see the full changes right away, but please take every single 'coincidence' as a sign of it working, because it is. People are going to start being nicer and more considerate, situations will be less frustrating, money will be more fluid, and your mental health will improve. It's also okay to be emotional, frustrated, and to just not be okay. If your story overall doesn't change, you're fine. Let those emotions flow!

There's going to be a lot of epiphanies and break throughs, especially if you start nurturing your self concept and apply that peace of mind it gives to everything. You're going to start noticing harmful thought patterns you've had, decisions you've made because of conditioning, and you'll see what you need to internally let go of. This is where therapy, therapeutic tools, and different spiritual practices and rituals come in to help this adjustment. There's no one size fits all for everyone so you should ideally find what speaks to you and not what you 'think' you should adopt. Your intuition, imo, will help you out here. This may be a period where you purge out old relationships, habits, and lifestyles which don't align with you anymore. They may even simply fall off on their own. None of this has to happen but is what I see in a lot of people due to my own journey. But nothing bad has to happen nor do you need to sacrifice anything. That's Hollywood-dramatic, lmao. You just may not resonate with a lot of shit anymore. And that's OKAY! It's great tbh. You're going to notice people's limitations they impose on you or themselves immediately too.

The second you say shit's new, then it is. When you continue to choose it or persist, you'll notice the wheels moving. After a week, month, months, or a year or more, your circumstances are going to dramatically change. They can literally happen over night if you like your shit to move fast too. After a while, you're going to understand the mechanics of how YOU personally manifest and what you like to do vs what you don't. There's no one size fits all. It doesn't matter if you've tried a thousand techniques. As long as you say everything you do is working and you are a stubborn motherfucker, your mind's going to get used to it and will stop fighting you on everything, especially if you're neurodivergent. Speaking from experience. When you tell your brain who's boss consistently, it takes you at your word and the trust you have in yourself to choose the best outcomes you develop from your self concept starts running in the background. It'll become easier to self-soothe, reassure yourself, and regulate your nervous system. When you say you're in control, your universe says 'okay, bet' and you'll find those resources easily or you'll start naturally doing them.

You're constantly investing in what works for you or works against you. You're either trusting in things working or working against your favor. That's why it's always good to think great things about yourself regardless of circumstances how things look or seem or how the past played out. All outcomes shift immediately with your awareness of what you think is possible. Your senses are limited and this is why it's crucial to let your imagination do the rest. Because shit always catches up. Your brain can't tell the difference between what you think you're experiencing vs what you actually are irl.

So if you continually tell yourself good things are happening or will, there has to be a confirmation bias for that. Your brain runs off your logic at all times. Therefore, you can rationalize that anything can work and it will. From a nitty gritty pov, you should always make sure to still be reasonable about shit, like to not blow your rent on some bs in one night. But after a while, you'll be able to do that and it won't be a problem. Don't stress your mental bandwidth out like that at first unless you have the inner resources to lock in on a good outcome. Dream big and do all things big, but do so safely without risking your mental health.

Whatever you invest in, positive or negative, will always pay off. Choose them wisely :)

[ghouljams]

I need to confess something but don’t know where else to say it…

But the obsession people have with how others keep their body hair is really starting to annoy me. Especially with the argument “if you shave your pubic hair you’re a pedo” like no babe… like not even taking into account the people who have texture issues or whatever

I’m a little freak who has a shaving kink and gets really turned on by the feeling of that part of your bodies skin being smooshed against another person’s!!! I’m not a fucking disgusting human I just have a KINK!! And the intrusive thoughts I get every time I enjoy said kink is really starting to get to me.

I get it friend. For a long time I was a no shave girlie (gender neutral) because not doing something is about 100% easier than doing something, but I shave now and I like it a lot better. I think it feels better wearing underwear and I like the way it looks with the way my body is shaped. Also makes it easier to wear leotards for ballet but that's neither here nor there.

As with every trend, there are always people pushing back against it as a moral failing and not simply a social trend. Shaving is, by and large, a trend. For years the norm was not to shave, and then porn started shaving to give people a better view of the goods, and people started imitating porn and establishing shaving as the new trend. Even shaving legs is a relatively new trend, we didn't really see women start to shave until 1940-ish because razor companies needed to expand their market. That's so recent!!

People care way too much about how other people style themselves because they've been trained to care. It's the same reason people stare at goth kids in the mall, anyone who is doing something outside the agreed upon social norms is going to be picked out by the general population. Which is why we occasionally see such huge backlashes to these trends. More often than not in order to push back against the norm people will flip it on its head and demonize it. I've already talked about this in terms of giving head (people saying you shouldn't suck dick because it isn't feminist in order to uplift eating out) and I think the same thing is happening with pubic hair tbh

Generally an individual has no problem holding two ideas in their head, shaving is fine but also not shaving is fine, but once you get three or four people together it starts getting really hard. Add in the internet echo chamber and you've got a recipe for people calling things they personally dislike a moral failing of the highest degree. Personally, I ignore it because I'm going to do whatever I want with my body anyway so what do I care what other people think of my private parts? They're not the ones seeing them, I am!

[yius2xxx]

GUYS HEAR ME OUT

I know it must sound crazy,but is just a theory

If u saw my last post, u might remember what I said — everything that happens, you actually manifested it. You had already thought about it at some point, even if you don't remember (i didnt even say that in my last post lol). Anywaysss

What if the dreams you have every night are actually the thoughts that don't manifest because of your limiting beliefs?

Let me give you an example:

When people try to lucid dream, they often think of something they want to happen — and it actually does happen in the dream.

Another example: when you dream about your manifestation or your desired reality (DR), your limiting beliefs don’t hold you back — unless you give them power. And I mean literally. In real life, it's much harder for some people to ignore those doubts, but in dreams, it’s surprisingly easy. However, if you give your fears power, the dream can turn into a nightmare.

That nightmare is basically a personification (I think that's the right word) of your intrusive thoughts — in other words, your thoughts manifesting in your dreams.

You have a lot of dreams when you sleep, but you simply don't remember them — just one or two (if you have a dream journal, you probably remember more dreams, so don't take this as a rule).

Remember, this is just a theory — I haven't studied it tbh, and I don't know if anyone else has thought about it too, but I guess not.

[transmutationisms]

hiii i’ve been reading through your psychiatry tag and i tried to find an answer for this but couldn’t. recently you mentioned that no neurotransmitter (among other things) has been causally tied to any ‘disorder’. i’ve been told ever since i got an ocd diagnosis when i was like 9 that it’s caused by your synapses not connecting properly leading to the repetitive nature of compulsions so basically my question is; is that also just completely false like the chemical imbalance stuff? and if so does that mean ocd is just like an excessive kind of coping mechanism? tbh the synapse thing never made total sense to me bc why would synapses not connecting cause obsessions and violent intrusive thoughts in the first place? but it’s very confusing to me bc i understand the profit and productivity motive for lying about chemical imbalances to sell ssris for anxiety and depression or arbitrarily assigning ‘hyperactive’ behavior for adderall but doctors have always told me that there is no medication for ocd. in fact i’ve mostly just been ignored by medical professionals and told that it’ll just go away but idk maybe i’m an anomaly in this? so i guess i’m just trying to understand what the material reasoning is for just making that up when they’re not even trying to pretend to fix me to be more productive in the context of capitalism. i assume there’s some kind of historical context i’m missing. or is it as simple as ocd being already perceived as a ‘productive disorder’?

i believe your doctors were regurgitating a really confused and translated-into-layspeak version of research such as this, which does indeed pitch itself in the abstract as potentially leading to new pharmaceutical treatments for OCD. as a historical thing i don't really know enough about the OCD literature to say whether anyone is still working on this type of hypothesis, or whether it was ever credible to suggest it would lead to profitable new cures, but glancing at this paper, there are multiple reasons i don't think it's a very meaningful finding: animal models, correlational genetic studies, the evidence they start with only indicates correlation anyway but they've interpreted it as prima facie evidence of a causal link simply because they assume the biological cause exists.

anyway yes i would analyse OCD like any other neurotic diagnosis, as a set of behaviours that people may engage in for a lot of different reasons and not as a 1:1 reaction to a brain disease process or physiological problem

[eisukesama]

Smutty Snippets- 1

Albedo x Fem!Reader x Primordial Albedo

Note: Tbh, writing oneshots, long fics is truly fun- but what about snippets? So...I decided to write smth like that, which will actually serve as a warm-up and a coping mechanism for my intrusive thoughts- XD. Hope y'all will like it! Do hit a like or at least a smol comment abt how it was :3.

Word Count: 319

The “Primordial” Albedo gripped your thighs, gloved fingers sinking into the soft plush skin. He hurled you up and slammed your dazed body back down on his length. You could barely think. It felt good.  

Way too good. 

The luscious sounds of skin slapping echoed throughout the lab. Your eyes suddenly settled upon the door of the lab. What if someone…comes in?  

Your thoughts get interrupted when a gloved hand grabs your chin roughly and a deep, sultry voice lingered near your ear. “Worried that someone will come in? Why don’t you show ‘em how much of a slut you are- eagerly taking my cock~”  

You felt shivers run down your spine, hands scrambling to find purchase on his arms.  

“Fuck. Y/n… you liked that didn’t you, getting so tight and clenching around me” He growled, gripping on your thighs harder- enough to leave bruises on the supple skin. 

You opened your mouth to protest but- 

Click 

The door unlocked and a blonde man stepped in, handling some papers. Your eyes widened. Out of all people, why him?  

You wanted to escape just when Primordial Albedo pulled you back and rammed into you with full force. “….?! AaaahhHnNhg?!!?..... A-Albedo…!....sl-slow down!!!..” You threw your head back as you felt him reach your deepest sweet spot. Yet another tantalizing wave of pleasure coursed through you, as your body got reduced into a fucked-up piece of lump.  

You were so muddled headed at this point that you didn’t realize the feathery touch of the real Albedo on your throat.  

You heard a faint a chuckle from him, as he continued to trace your body, rubbing circles on your sternum. “Seems like our y/n is having a lot of fun here...” A low growl erupted from the fake one. “ Haah? Our? She’s mine. I love your confidence here.”  

He smiled, leaning in and softly grabbing your waist. “Why not let her decide?” 

Source of header

[vaniliens]

Long ass opinions / critiques on milgram under the cut before t3 actually hits

Im not even that mad / hateful of mlgrm at all tbh & I think & hope you can tell that from the fact that my main gripe with it isnt really "This project was awful from start to finish it never should've happened" but rather "There were better (& Arguably easier) ways to tell this story & get the point across"

i understand 100% why they thought, on paper, why this would've been a cool project to work on and It Is!! They did their best, i really love how it takes inspiration from the vocaloid community from the abstract symbolism filled MV's, the deco covers, how theres an interconnected story, and the potential of community guesswork & discussion of what this song and/or MV means. I might be a bit biased bc i got into it after being dissapointed in how lacking the virtual singers / vocaloid [community] feels in project sekai besides the commissioned songs but overall i think its really cute, even if its technically just what art as a whole is about 😭 You know, making you engage & think about The Implications. Getting the inspo from the voca synth community allows the project to stand out bc of how its presented. Its unique, its fresh, it keeps you on your toes.

I love how it (tries) to tackle well known & relevant issues in japan (& tbh the rest of the world), like ableism, misogyny, child abuse, call-out culture, homophobia, the entire prison system, etc. and how the victims and perpetrators react to it. Its very interesting. Its very clearly trying to humanize & sympathize even the "worst of the worst", and i appreciate how its one of the main themes in the story even if some of the audience didnt quite catch it. Its showing how simply punishing people who did wrong isnt the answer. Like theres SOOOO much nuance to unpack both in universe with the crimes & prisoners and in a meta sense through the way the story is presented, the way the audience reacts, the discussions, thoughts, developments, etc. Its so cool. They've clearly put a lot of effort into it.

At its core the Milgram Project has always been less about solving the crimes and more about asking the audience "Why do YOU think X happened?" Its basically a bunch of character studies!! You're peering through their hearts, examining their own version of the truth of their crimes, and drawing your own conclusions based on that raw, intrusive data that the system has given you. Aagh.

Unfortunately in my own humble opinion all these elements combined is exactly why it doesn't work as well as it could've And arguably should've for a project all about seeing the good or at least understanding eachother.

It asks "Why did X did it?" but it doesnt give us a platform to actually state Why they did it in any way, only to answer & play into the prisons b&w thinking, and you cant in any way reverse any of their verdicts once its been casted. And thematically it works. I mean its about a warden in a prison full of people who have taken lives, its doing its job to mirror the reality of real life Innocent (No punishment or otherwise legal consenquence) vs Guilty (Punish) verdicts, legally or non officially, as it should. But idk it doesnt really Help us understand why a character comitted their sin. It only introduces downwards spirals, which only makes the characters less willing to provide their actual motive(s) as time goes on. I get that the main thing its criticizing is the legal & prison system but its getting in the way of sympathizing with "Bad" people. Which again IS the point, thats EXACTLY what the prison system does and why its so harmful, it dehumanizes people to hell and boils down their entire personhood to "Guilty" but like???? It doesnt really provide an Out, or anything more Productive to think about. WHICH IS THE POINT & I KNOW THAT BUT IT KINDA FEELS LIKE IN THE END THERES REALLY NOTHING YOU CAN DO WHICH IS PRETTY NIHILISTIC???

Its like "Theres no point in examining why these people are the way they are bc everyones gonna suffer no matter which button you press in the end!! No you cant gain deeper optional insight either bc we're permanently rolling with THIS now." and what doesnt help are the extra contents like the voice dramas & interrogation questions where the characters themselves add more fuel to the fire by threatening eachothers or the wardens lives??? and it leads to people discussing 'Which Verdicts to Vote [to minimize the in universe damage so these fictional definitely-not-representatives-of-real-life-issues-&-its-consequences characters can be safe]' instead of 'Actual Insightful Character Analysis [to help eachother find our own conclusions no matter what it is & to improve ourselves as a person through examining fictional scenarios]' and it leads to COMPLETELY unproductive discussions and flame wars and its so upsetting to see.

Its fucking tearing itself (& the fandom) apart by making ITSELF perpetuate the black & white "Theres a CORRECT answer to this EXTREMELY morally gray & heavily nuanced situation!!!" thinking for the sake of criticizing (More like making a parody of) the prison system. Like wow who would've thought that the system designed so that literally everyone in it is turned into mere "GOOD" VS "BAD" caricatures of themselves would be a good sytem to EXAMINE PEOPLES COMPLICATED LIVES with. Does that make sense. Like isnt it ironic how what we call "Meta voting" is, in the end, more about these fictional characters lives than it is about us, as the actual living breathing audience who are capable of accepting things outside the dichotomy and are able to self reflect before its too late? us, the humans whos lives are more fragile and thus require more care from eachother than mere 2d drawings? Isnt that so ironic

AND I WANT TO MAKE IT CLEAR I GENUINELY, WITH ALL (or none in this case) OF MY HEART, DON'T AND CAN'T EVEN BLAME ANYONE WHO META VOTES. BECAUSE THE PRISON. THE PROJECT ITSELF. ENCOURAGES IT. AND IN THIS TRIAL AND EVEN THE PREVIOUS ONE WITH KOTOKO'S BEATINGS, PROVES THAT IT HOLDS WATER. MORE THAN ANY CHARACTER ANALYSIS. MORE THAN GENUINELY UNDERSTANDING WHERE THESE CHARACTERS ARE COMING FROM.

And the beautiful thing about it is that theres ALSO a discussion to be made about this, intentional or not, about how our actions weigh more than our thoughts / feelings which is ofc correct. This also ties in it with its theme, of taking people's lives and under what conditions is it considered something "Neutral" (even "Positive / Good") vs "Punishable" and ofc also the punishing & restraining that comes with getting a guilty verdict part, an action that leads to someone else's forced in-action.

Still though, in what way does this really help support the Actual Main Theme, which is understanding eachother / the prisoners, people who youve seen arguably the worst of? Its grappling between wanting to make the audience GENUINELY THINK and self reflect vs a show about people going through hell and you CAN be both but again!! with way milgram is run, because of the active audience participation it needs & encourages & the way it boxes the audience into these 2 choices, it was always going to snowball & sway more to the latter. Its becoming less of a thinkpiece & more just a shocking spectacle where everything is in "Superhell"

"Oh anyone can die in this prison if the audience messes up badly enough" do you think thats a good way to send your message. Just kill off a character whos arc wasnt even finished yet. When their deaths only serve to make things worse and thus more shocking and "High Stakes"? When their deaths are only punishing the audience who wanted to understand everyone in the prison by

1. forever 'Locking' said dead character(s) out of any new developments

2. Possibly make things more muddy & unclear in the trial, as the rest of the characters would be affected by the death(s) and would most likely close themselves off even more to cope with the trauma?

And. Like. Again I cant even get that mad bc can you blame the writers when theyre all forced to write shit on the fly based on OUR unpredictable reactions??? Ex. Did they expect Amane to get a guilty in the 1st trial despite the sympathetic MV which features a child repeatedly being abused?? They also have to choose and try to balance between making the horror of the situation clear while also providing a way for these present horrors to bring out the characters past crime. Its so complicated.

I really really hate how this happened. Please. If milgram had no audience participation and if it was instead just a linear story or 2 this wouldn't have happened.... everything would've been in the writer's control and thus we would've been guaranteed a more fulfilling story even if it lacks the explicit audience complicity to the violence & abuse. See: come on man, THE OFFICIAL PREQUEL NOVELS.

Alternatively, seeing as the trial 3 curtain call is LITERALLY called 'Route: Your [Curtain] Call,' implying that there were other routes we could've went on, it could've been a video game or better yet a visual novel. Then we'd be able to fully explore the characters as much as we want, even if, by resetting the game multiple times to get the routes to FULLY understand these charaters, it lessens the emotional impacts the deaths will have.

I dunno man i just wish it didnt get this complicated I just wish it was presented better....

"So what do you think happened? Was this justified or not?" I dont know man we're busy making sure people dont die so we dont miss out on any new info even though the act of 'making sure people dont die' is making us Waste the opportunities we have to get said new info. WE'RE in storytelling superhell.

[daisys-reality]

Heyyyy how you been? 🥹 love your recent tarot posts 🤍. BUT not to sound dumb, I wanted to ask how does memories work in your dr? Like I want to script I grew up in a certain city, but I’m imitated by the thought what if I don’t have knowledge of growing up there when I shift there 😭

hey darling, i'm doing well! I hope you too. i'm happy you like my recent pacs :3

first of all, asking questions is never a dumb thing !! it just shows your curious nature and your willingness to learn which is always admirable ♡

so far, for all my drs i set the intention to have my desired knowledge/memories. once you ground yourself in your dr, it comes in pretty quickly ! i guess it depends how it feels but for me it's does not feel like being thrown into a pool and being overwhelemed with a bunch of memories. no, it's more so a strong sense of familarity first with snippets of concrete memories comming to me and slowly it all weaves together in the background (subconsciousness) to a stable web of memories and knowledge ! it's a bit of an abstaract explanation but it's like this: the first second you're like "where a am i?? am i in my dr?" and then a few minutes later you're like "oh wait that's the ring i was looking for since monday why is it laying beneath my bed?" being already engrossed in your day to day life - it comes naturally.

i only remember @.my-reality-my-rules and @.wheelcr talking about experiences with waking up in realities (and staying there for more than just a few minutes) without having a clue about what's going on but i think for both them they tried without really planning to have the memories/without thinking it through - they just wanted to shift. and those were just random shifts or one of their first shifts to their drs too (as far as i can remember)

tbh i wouldn't worry much if you want to wake up with your dr memories, then that's what will most likely happen. you know what you want and that's all you need. don't overthink it, darling.

a little tip through: when you think about being your dr self, do you imagine yourself ex. looking for the way to your local grocery store or do you just imagining yourself (confidently normal) going shopping and then going back home and putting your stuff away and proceeding with your day? how do you picture your self in your dr? is it a stranger in that reality or someone who has been living there since birth? think about it. for me, i recognize that i set intentions in the way i think (& daydream) about my dr and dr self. setting intentions is like making subconsciously a decision and it becoming a natural state of mind (starting to naturally think about it in that certain way without having to force myself or to correct myself everytime - *edit: i'm not talking about intrusive thoughts here! intrusive thoughts can happen any time that has nothing to do with your natural state of mind)

i wish you lots of fun while shifting ☆

[aiura-stan]

I love the idea that Teruhashi might be thinking this. (I know she isn’t Teruhashi, but still.) It’s so outright aggressive and mean, instead of her more low key “Saiki should be obsessed with me!” thoughts as in canon proper, lol.

Also notable that the first mention of Saiki being markedly different from other people is here: “If a normal person heard them he would undoubtedly have a mental breakdown after three seconds.” Maybe it’s true, probably an exaggeration on Saiki’s part, but it definitely highlights that what he deals with, mentally, is on another level, and he is able to deal with it.

LMAO. this one made me laugh… it’s like yikyak but worse!! like yikyak but including things people wouldn’t even say on there, read out loud… phewww.

Saiki says his powers are “in the wrong” rather than peoples’ thoughts. However, the way he words the second part about how you can’t dress up what’s on the inside strikes me as odd. I was trying to think of the reasoning behind this sort of sentiment that Saiki expresses here, because it repeats later in the manga proper. And I think, it boils down to this incorrect assumption he has, that people’s thoughts are their true feelings. My guess on where comes from is probably either Kuniharu or Kuusuke, who both express a lot of resentment for him. In each of their cases, that really is how they feel, and they make no effort to change it, and there’s not a lot of positive emotion thrown in there either. At least as a child, Kuusuke spent a lot of time actively trying to hurt his brother. And Kuniharu probably did too, if we take all of the examples of him trying to get “revenge” on Kusuo into account.

So it never occurs to him at first that people might have intrusive thoughts, or have thoughts they don’t necessarily believe pass through their heads, or thoughts they ultimately challenge and thoughts that directly contradict their behavior.

Okay angsty rant over lol

‘nother thing that strikes me as funny, not in a good way this time… really now. I have never met a girl who was that jealous of another girl’s boobs. If anything, I’ve met girls who got them too young and wished they hadn’t because of teasing.

Maybe it’s a cultural difference, maybe it’s the fact that a male author wrote this who doesn’t really know (or care) about accurately depicting teenage girls’ concerns in a comedy… anyways.

I beg to differ Saiki… that IS an incredible tattoo and I want to see it… I want that tattoo.. haha. And who cares if some people are bald?? and trans people exist?? Saiki likes to complain about things that do not matter at all. I guess he probably feels like it’s a burden to keep other people’s secrets, or something. He is just a teenager after all.

tbh I kind of wish that Asou had kept this if only for dramatic effect

come on… look at this…

Sigh. I love examples of Saiki interfering with fate just to help someone.

Okay, that’ll do it for part one of this post. Part two in a bit. 💕

[mittykidi]

okay so pico and otis ramble at 2:30am because showers this late make you think a lot about things. im gonna put it ubder the cut bcz i hate scrolling through longass text posts hhdgdghd

i think pico would be envious of otis sometimes in relation to their family. i use envy and jealous different btw, to me jealousy is when youre mad at someone for having what you want and you want to lash out at them, and envy is when youre happy for that person but you also feel kind of sad/mad (not at them tho) because you wish you had what they had. in my brain anyway, theyre different like that i hope that makes sense.

otis's father, based on what little we see of him, which isnt a lot so maybe take this all with a grain of salt, at least tries getting otis out of the house. he at least gives otis positive feedback and he seems like he's trying to be enthusiastic for him. even when we first see him in the game, i feel like the dialogue was a little banter-ish, but that could just be me being bad at reading tones. and towards the end he clearly cares about their safety, although you could argue hes just looking out for himself, i dont think thats the case.

meanwhile, pico clearly doesnt like his father, he basically says he hopes he fucking dies- which is aggressive and probably very sincere since pico has very clear lines drawn in his head for who deserves death/ judgement and who doesnt. i dont think he was exaggerating at all. i imagine picos father probably forgets pico exists, or would go places without even asking pico, e.g. he would go visit the grandmother without bringing pico, although personally i dont think picos father even seems like the type who would visit their mother lol. pico probably wanders around the streets all the time/ visits friends/ visits otis cause he doesnt wanna be home.

anyway, i dont really have a point to all of this except to say pico being exposed to what a healthier relationship around family looks like makes him angrier at himself and his father for not being able to have that growing up. otis can kinda pick up on this sometimes, pico doesnt know it but otis tries supporting him subtly, asking him to join in on things n such.

actually thinking about it now, in picos cousin 2, they all seem to move together. tbh it wouldnt suprise me at all if pico just slowwwly moves in with his cousin instead of returning home and being neglected. his father probably wouldnt even notice as long as hes getting benefits still.

almost completely unrelated- but pico has definitely plotted murder against his father- only in his head though, he would never act on it, as muchn as he hates his father its still his father. unless like.. he snapped or something. i mean the gun is right there.. hes familiar with how it works. or maybe he could rig the car to explode, hes seen darnell rig one before, it shouldnt be hard... but that would never happen right? right? righ- <- pico when he has intrusive thoughts about murdering his dad (hes only ever even mentioned this to darnell and nene)

[sunnymothmoss]

Discussing OCD through the prisoners of Milgram

What if all the milgram characters had ocd? Besides jackalope. (and Es, but I might come back to them). These aren't serious headcanons this is just to explore the diversity of the disorder and potential scenarios.

Just to get some things straight for people who don't know much about ocd - ocd themes and the intrusive thoughts around them are EGODYSTONIC, meaning they go against everything the person actually wants and who they are as a person. This will be at the forefront of what I will be discussing here. Furthermore my experience of ocd has been primarily "Pure O" (internal compulsions) so I know less about more externally compulsive ocd presentations.

Haruka - trauma-based/real event/harm ocd. Going off the theory that the 'second child' was himself, this doesn't work otherwise. I truly believe that Haruka really didn't want to hurt anything anymore after his horror at his murder. I believe that event deeply traumatised him and he became terrified of himself. Now, theoretically, this could result in constant intrusive thoughts about hurting others, despite it now being the absolute opposite of what he wants, particularly animals and children. In this scenario, his avoidance of those things is a compulsion, his eventual ability to overcome his fear of Amane is the start of his recovery from this. However, he died so that didn't get very far.

I will clarify, I'm not an ocd expert but I do have personal experience with the disorder. And the trauma-based/real event/harm combo, in particular, was one of my two main themes, though for myself it was sh.

Yuno - I doubt Yuno has ocd but for the sake of this I could theoretically see an existential theme. Existential topics are definitely something that weigh on her mind a lot and doubt over existential questions (e.g am I really alive?) seem consistent with her character. However I don't think we really see her having anxiety or anything around these so likely not.

Fuuta - moral scrupulosity ocd. Someone has already discussed this an I agree with what they said. Shout out to @azuremist, that's where this idea came from (me impulsively saying give all the milgram characters ocd like I wanted to make milgram worse for them or something 😭)

Muu - I don't think Muu has ocd tbh and I'm struggling to think of an idea for a scenario that fits with canon where she could have? Though this may be more on the basis of her having low empathy and my experience of ocd being empathy-based? People with low-empathy can have ocd but it looks different so I know less about it. This is not at all a judgement against people with low empathy btw! I am part of the autistic community and likely have a personality disorder so I know and understand a lot of people with low empathy (cognitive/emotional or both).

Shidou - ah 100%, someone else has also already discussed this. I think moral/harm ocd as well though. @vividstardustrevolution has written a theory post about it which was very thorough in analysis and I don't really have anything to add though idk if its on tumblr. Shidou is actually a character I really relate to

Mahiru - okay let's use our brain sunny. Relationship ocd - cheaters are who she hates the most, hence intrusive thoughts about cheating. I could definitely see that. Alongside her likely having bpd it would add to the intensity of her anxiety her relationship. The constant checking and calling could have doubled as compulsions to reassure herself that she still loves him and everything's okay between them.

Kazui - this is a hard one because he has a lot of irrational guilt but that's likely over internalised homophobia, it's seen that he does actually have a desire and genuine attraction towards men, he enjoys it, just feels that he shouldn't - so he can't have sexual orientation ocd. I also think due to the fact that he genuinely didn't love Hinako romantically, he didn't have relationship ocd. Unrelated to his main struggles, he definitely has excessive feelings of responsibility but I feel that that's more due to the situation he's in. Conclusion: I can't think of a way Kazui can have ocd, hell maybe he has somatic ocd or something who knows.

Amane - trauma-based/religious ocd. Almost self-explanatory. I think it's perfectly plausible that Amane experiences obsessive religious intrusive thoughts about 'sinning' and has to perform compulsions, maybe even continuing the abusive punishments her parents subjected her to or just simply praying, to in her mind, neutralise these thoughts.

Mikoto - again I don't know, don't really think Mikoto or John have ocd. Mikoto maybe? But I don't know what theme. EDIT - thank you @bravadoting for helping me come up with this idea: Mikoto somatic ocd headcanons fr. Because Mikoto is so hyperaware of how others percieve him he is constantly worrying about people noticing the tiniest noises and movements he makes. He worries about whether not being able to stop noticing his blinking or mouth noises will get in the way of his productivity or whether he is unprofessional for having to go to the loo often to make sure his bladders empty. He gets anxious when talking to his boss that he's blinking too much/too little, getting muscle twitches/tics in the 'wrong' body parts or making too loud mouth noises and that those things will be seen as unprofessional or creepy. He worries he'll get fired because he's not moving right. This extends to his interactions with everyone but his symptoms were most severe when he was at work/trying to do work due to the stress. John starts fronting whenever this becomes too overwhelming for Mikoto and has to mask as him to cover the rest of the situation.

Kotoko - yeah possibly? Stick with me here guys. Kotoko has very strong, if pretty skewed due to black and white thinking, moral convictions. She believes with all her heart that the bad guys should die but evidently has some deep seated self hatred towards herself as well (she views everyone as victim or monster and constantly reminds us she is apparently not a victim). Anyway I think Kotoko could totally have a taboo ocd theme or any moral related theme (tho not anything related to physical violence as we see she has no problem with that and probably not pocd as she doesn't seem scared of kids at all/doesn't avoid them). I just feel it'd make sense given she probably spends a lot of time thinking about how evil and unforgivable some people are then her brain responds to that with intrusive thoughts, worrying she could be like them (istg this happens to me whenever my annoying ocd brain comments about something being unthinkable, honestly at this point I've had intrusive thoughts about every 'unthinkable' thing) which further motivates her vigilantism because she feels she needs to prove to herself that she's not evil.

[thaltro]

tysm for answering my last q c: im sry if this is indelicate or tactless, but how does it work for you? can you/do you and your alters communicate with each other? or is it just like.. a feeling?

Good question

I’ll be honest and say it’s hard to tell the difference between self talk and self soothing with other alters talking. I’m diagnosed with OCD so I have quite a lot of intrusive thoughts and it feels like that tbh. If I was having an intrusive thought about violence I can’t control it or get rid of it, it feels like my personal thoughts but it’s just my brain flashing ideas to piss me off. With alters it works similarly just usually not distressing intrusive thoughts, instead thoughts that I don’t agree with or things I wouldn’t think of that I can’t shut up.

A good example could be the best communication I have with a frequent supportive ANP, his name is Pav. I tend to catastrophize and over work myself, because of that my brain triggers his part to show up, he recites calming things to help me. He forces the body to breathe slower and for me to lay down, sometimes he makes me rub my arms or ground myself. “Communicating” isnt mostly us talking in our head because my thoughts are rapid and hard to interpret, but feeling his emotions and physical actions is how we mostly talk. Because our amnesia is low with each other he leaves notes and I leave him notes back. But yeah it’s mostly physical and emotional then actually talking.

For me when there’s a lot of communication it usually means I’m going to switch out, with Pav if he’s there, he will soothe me then switch out so when I front again I’m not distressed.

In a negative example, alter communication can be fronting and forcefully thinking of trauma and trauma reenactment. I can tell the difference between that and intrusive thoughts because I can feel the weight of an alter attached to it. There’s intention and the thoughts feel more like a story being read to me and not a intrusive flash.

I regained this memory but when we where a little child and people where hurting us, alter communication is what kept us going. Because I grew up religious I thought angels where talking to me and forcing me to eat, sleep, shower, and breathe. I’d always talk to my family about those “angels” but really they where just parts of me communicating and soothing my body for survival. For little me communication was mostly through prayer sessions where I would dissociate asking for their help. Now I know that was Alters but a lot of times communication can be covert.

The biggest difference is it feels passionate and overwhelming when alters are communicating some sort of memory, emotion, physical behaviour, or idea- it takes over my entire body’s attention and dissociates me out of reality.

That’s my personal experience, others may have it differently but thank you