#a little tmi tbh

[beaversatemygrandma]

So wow. This went from shooting a shot to talk to an old friend, to a weird sex dream about him, to talking further, realizing that there were unchecked feelings, to literally what would count as long distance 3rd base in like idk, two months. Holy shit. Why was i worried about this? 

Like, this started as me saying “Yeah, I’ll give you a chance once I’m back in the hometown and such.” to me literally exchanging pics with him within weeks. There’s a certain way he responds to any of them and just has a such a way with damn words that it just feels like I cannot wait for this to actually happen. And now, this may be TMI, but with the first pic i got from him, I cannot fathom that this was his literal first time doing it. Something about the way he managed to take it was just at just the right angle that I automatically let my horny thoughts take control of that whole damn thing. I’m sorry, but literally no dick pic has ever done that for me. Like none. But that? Goddamn. Helps him out a lot that he’s got a very nice one there. Which again, caught me so fucking off guard. And there’s even me giving him the flat out warnings that i do not keep hair under control ever due to sensitive skin and i straight get told that it looks better there. Not even going to be one who’ll beat around the bush to say that i should trim or anything, no. He flat out likes me fully natural better. It’s been a while since a guy could literally get me like THIS. And even better have the emotional connection outside of this. He’s just checking off every single one of my boxes after I was just giving him the benefit of the doubt. Like no, that’s not the weird guy who’d cling to me in high school. No no. That one has matured into somebody who I literally find almost perfect. Literally fucking perfect. He’s matured in just the right way that there’s this nervous confidence and honestly, a figure that’s just hot as all hell. I can’t get him out of my head at this point. He’s attractive, he’s got the communication down, he’s emotionally and sexually fulfilling, he’s just perfect for this. Like what. I haven’t even gotten back to my hometown to meet up and I’m already feeling these things. And this time, it wasn’t him slipping up with the L-word. Hell, *I* almost said it last night.

And I’m just here wondering how the Fuck I’d be his first. Like, how the hell do I manage to pick up a 23yo virgin who isn’t an incel? Like. This is a respectful and attractive one. Entirely. That boy shouldn’t be a virgin still. Impossible. But hell, I can easily do something about that once I make that 8 hour drive lol

And it definitely doesn’t even feel like he’s only after sex. I know of So Many who are there for that and nothing else. Nope. This one is very much keeping everything even. I get the flirting at times, I get the straight up sexual desire at others, I also get the random times where he just lets me ramble on for an hour. Hell, we still play pokemon together and it ends up with us literally crying laughing because i managed to clip him entirely out of existence for the third time. Thank you Union Rooms in Scarlet for literally being the perfect way to hang out while on the phone.

Memories of him are being mean to me though. Like, i swear i remember enjoying him being around back then, but the skittish nervousness and annoying everything was definitely there. But now, I can listen to his voice forever even though i swear i remember not liking it. But then again, it’s been a long time and it’s deepened in just the right way. He’s still a bit nervous though, but it’s not even in a bad way. Honestly, more cute than anything else. Just not very bold, which doesn’t even hinder him at all.

Yeah. So, i said i was in too deep a couple weeks ago. Yeah, no, that has nothing on now. It’s not just wanting to cuddle him and show him the world, which is still absolutely the plan, but flat out making him the main one. That’s not going to be yet another random FWB or something, no, I want this to be a real relationship. He broke the damn barrier. The demiromanticism doesn’t matter anymore, because he has reached the demi qualification and even without being around me physically. 

Looks like I’ve got a basically boyfriend now. This will be an interesting conversation to have with the ex and the one FWB. Like yeah, i just up an messaged an old friend i haven’t seen in years, reconnected, and now we’re dating, so. How’d it happen so suddenly? Well, it did. And I’m happy with this one. I haven’t felt this happy since i was first getting with my ex, we still talk, we’re still friends, but my god did everything just slowly die out. We had literally told each other than FWB would definitely be the option when in person again, but honestly, I may just leave him without benefits. He’s a good friend. The other one though. I hope this doesn’t mess up plans to become roommates. I mean, she’s got her whole polycule. She’ll be fine. Sure, i won’t be the main one like i was originally talking myself up to. Might not even be one. I was curious about polyamory, but honestly, i think i want this to be just me and him. At least for now. If it starts fading out like it did with my ex, then maybe I’ll bring it up. The fading out part hurts a little, but at least i don’t lose a person in my life with it.

And well, the best thing about all this happening, is that it’s the extra push to get my own shit done. I finally have appointments at the DMV made and shit getting done. I WANT To Be Back Home Already. Hell, this might be like April that I’ll be down there. I just want to be around my people again and there’s this fantastic bonus. And you know, having it be months before my original limit because of the money reasons. Hopefully this isn’t one that my mom looks at and just says the most off-handed thing about. Like with my ex, “I can’t believe you’re dating someone that... big.” Well, this is a skinny fucker who’s relatively attractive. And due to his odd allergies and such, I think she’ll approve of the random diet I’ll put myself on, which is just avoiding dairy like I should’ve done forever ago, but this time it’s because i want to make out with the guy and not fucking kill him. I have a feeling she’ll actually like this one for once. And that has literally never happened before. Not for the right reasons, given, but you know, that’s a guaranteed approval i think. Soft, kind, and polite, and the odd bonus of her not judging me for going for a big guy again (not to say it was a bad thing, I do have a weird preference here, but I’m going against it for this one. Too many things that I don’t want to look over. Either way, he’s perfectly fine.) 

He needs to stop being so perfect so early. I hope this stays just as in my head once I’m around him. I hope this doesn’t fuck up because right about now, it’s sounding perfect. Who knew that buzzed me telling him on New Years’ that I’d totally kiss him at the ball dropping if i had been there would start this entire damn thing up. Took two weeks and I think the last two weeks i flat out admitted to myself that I’d very much date this one. Really did go from him being too flustered to fully respond, to flat out asking to go further. Literally too flustered from the mention of a simple kiss to THIS. I’ve seen his dick and i want it and more lmao 

I hope this doesn’t fuck up, like really. I want him. I want his love and affection. I genuinely want this. HUGE 180 from what i used to think of him, that’s for sure. 

Still wondering why the hell i looked him over in the past... Still wondering.

[lazaruspiss]

done w social media aus where they all have that [name] [sexuality] [age] [pronouns] format. need 2 make my own parody pages for them. diversify bio styles

[akkivee]

really looking forward to samatoki on sasara violence because if we cannot clown on him, i want to throw him

like when it comes to making sasara pay for his clown crimes, we take whatever wins we can get lmao

[tiny-tokunaga]

Today I finally had the appointment I've been waiting for since December and it went better than I imagined. The doctors were SO nice and listened and so knowledgeable?? They answered my questions easily and then some, and were even familiar with my other conditions???? It's been hours and I'm still in shock over how smooth everything was??? Anyway, I'll be getting surgery this year and while it won't cure me (impossible, unfortunately) it should improve my quality of life tremendously and I'm so excited 😭

[sheepkebby]

Y'all ever hang out with a friend and get this very very unique feeling where you think yep, this is for life

[halogalopaghost]

APPARENTLY mental and emotional exertion/stress can cause fibro flare ups just as much as physical exertion >:T sooooo I probably caused this by writing 7k over like three days WHATEVER

[marmolita]

Happy tumblrversary to me I guess??? My tumblr is about a year older than my kids and that's not actually a coincidence, that's the return of normal hormones after going off birth control to have kids allowing me back to my fandom roots 😅

[monsterbisexual]

feeling like im being driven to my execution (its a drs appointment)

[conidiophore]

I didn't really expect to like bottom growth as much as I do. Almost a year on T (just a couple of weeks away) and I am pleasantly surprised by what I have going on. Jerking that thing with solemn appreciation and nodding wisely.

[astrxealis]

there were so many pretty flowers !!!!! <3

[pebblesmustard]

Good news: I think I just got a job offer (well, more like a trial thing) from a publishing company I sent out my resume to in November!

Bad news: They want me to try and translate an Albert Camus text.

Good news: It's short, a couple of his letters to María Casarès! If they like it we'll talk about translating an entire book, I think!

Bad news: It's French.

[ipegchangbin]

im gonna be extra inactive in the coming days because of irl duties but in return i have more things in store!! all posts are queued ^^

inbox will still be open for anything from hard thoughts, soft thoughts, requests, kind messages, and just about anything! im not ignoring, im just busy ><

posting drabbles and doodles when i return!

[flashingbands]

Lol I'm the ttyl, tbh, idk, tmi, and wtf

These four acronyms sum up my life tbh

BE FREE!!!

[spineless-lobster]

Hades 2 has me feeling all types of ways so I think I’m pulling an all-nighter tonight lads

[frabt]

should i hook up with the hot 21 year old twink on grindr who sent me like 5 nudes as his first message or am i getting too old for this