#a less fun fact (although some of you may find it adorable):

[usernameforaboredcat]

Little Babies

It was just like any other day, how could it get so wrong and now your boyfriend is an itty bitty little kid. You still love him of course, how could you not when he looks so cute and tiny!?

I read @trafalgarvivi story and I couldn't help but love it and want to add to it. Hope you don't mind babes, if you want me to take this down I will just ask <3

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Luffy

Luffy as a child wasn't any different from how he is as an adult. Still fun, cute and hyperactive as always. He'll probably be bouncing off the walls when he's in a nursing home.

You can't help but giggle and squeal at the sight of your tiny captain, who's just looking back up at you with big eyes. "What?". He asks. You squeal again as you drop down to his height, still being taller than him. "Awhahaaawww you're so adorable! Do you want anything to eat?". You ask the tiny boy. "YEAH!". He cheers, throwing his arms up in the air excitedly. You giggle as his energy and pick him up into your arms, taking him to the kitchen.

Sanji was already annoyed that you where feeding into his terrible eating habits and babying him so much. But he's just so cute! And Sanji couldn't not listen to you, even if you are taken he's still attracted to you.

You'd spend the whole day playing with him, doing what ever he wanted whenever he wanted. Luffy much preferred this side of you, you where less bossy and so much cooler like this.

~

Sanji

When I tell you you cried when you saw your sweet handsome as a kid, you where balling your eyes out. Not because he wasn't his tall fine ass self, but because he's just so God darn adorable in your eyes. Cuddling him close to your chest, cooing and giggling while calling him the most cutest and most beautiful boy in the world. Not like he minded it, he loved your undying attention.

He spent his time as a kid clinging to your side, resting on either your chest or lap while getting absolutely babied by you. He never realizes how much power he had until you saw his cute little self.

And oh the power he had over that Swordsman, Sanji could practically get away with murder and you'd back him up. He'd purposely piss Zoro off just to have him pick him up and yell at him, only for you to come to his rescue. "HOW DARE YOU YELL AT HIM! HE'S JUST A BOY! WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU YOU AWFUL MONSTER!". And Zoro would be left speechless, only eyeing the disgusting smirk across Sanjis face.

Him still being Sanji it didn't stop him from being a little pervert, only getting stopped when you'd have to push him away and remind him "You're still a baby, baby. If you want anything like that you'll have to wait till you're an adult again". Even if he did cry, that doesn't change the fact of hey you're still an adult and he's a little baby. But he waited, just so he can still enjoy the baby treatment.

~

Zoro

Zoro had always been a cheeky little fucker, easily getting into fights or starting some sort of commotion. You had to pick him up by the collar of his shirt and carry him away like a mother cat when Sanji picked a fight with him. He really didn't want to deal with being small and weak, so he just tried to sleep it off while he waited to get back to his tall strong self. He much preferred his older body anyway, he was strong and could protect you after all. He also knew that you really liked his muscles.

And he did try to just sleep it off, finding a little spot in the sun to sleep, eventually you coming over and using your lap as a pillow. He may be a tiny little mans, but he's still your boyfriend that you love to take care of.

Later that evening he'd awoken to his head on your lap, you sleeping while sitting upright. "Stupid woman". He mutter, getting off and walking to your shared bedroom. He'd grabbed your pillow and a blanket, dragging them out. He'd slowly pushed you to lay your head on the pillow and threw the blanket over you, crawling under next to you to get spooned by you.

The crew found this little soft side of Zoro cute, although he kinda always had a soft spot for you. I mean you two are dating after all, he wouldn't be dating you of he didn't have that soft spot.

~

Ace

He'd always been sorta glad that he grew out of his stinky attitude he had as a child, what his didn't know was that if he got turned back into a child his little goblin mode was activated. You'd be running all over the ship, picking him up and hugging him while he flailed around. Not only is he now kid Ace, but he's kid Ace with devil fruit powers.

You'd have to pinch him by the cheek, getting an annoyed look from your little boyfriend. "I know you're having fun, but please baby don't burn down the ship". You'd requested him. He'd just blush and nod. "Fine". He puffed out. "Thank you, darling! I promise that you'll be a good boy". You giggled. His face went more red. He was 50/50 about how you treated him. 1. He was being babied by you. 2. He was being babied by you.

He's a strong brave buff mans! He doesn't need to be babied by his girlfriend. But he did like you just taking care of him, also being a little fuckass. He was aware of the jealous on board, a few of the other pirates being jealous that he was dating you. He used this knowledge, cuddling comfortably into your chest.

When lunch time rolled around, he was sitting on your lap with his head against you chest, getting spoon fed by you. The other men looked at the now young Ace when angry glares. When you're not looking he'd flip them off and poke his tongue out.

~

Sabo

You'd be lying to yourself if you didn't think that Sabo is a very pretty man. You find him beautiful, stunning, gorgeous, you'd literally preach to the world about how your boyfriend was hand crafted and sculpted by Gods!...But...we hasn't exactly the most...cute...child.

He looks up at you compleatly lost as you're covering your mouth, loosing your shit laughing and crying. "What? What's wrong?". He asked, worried for your health. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but..." You looked at him with tears in your eyes. "You glowed up so much". You whimpered out, now back on the floor and rolling away. "ARE YOU CALLING ME UGLY?!". He yelps, you roll away faster. Then he started to cry, thinking that you didn't find him attractive anymore. Yes, you made your poor boyfriend cry.

You spent the rest of the day babying him and making it up to him, reassuring him that you find him so handsome as an adult. He tried to go to Koala for back up, but she ended up joining you in the crying and laughing. He's definity going to give you the silent treatment when he gets his old body back.

You just held him and hugged him for the rest of the day, him still being angry and grumpy at the fact you insulted him. "Don't worry Sabo, you're not ugly ugly, more like ugly cute! Like a kitten with the big sad depression eyes!". You tell him, but he pouts and turns away, crossing his arms. "Oh come on! You grew out of it! You're literally the pretties man I know". He looks up at you with tears in his eyes. "I am?". "Of course!".

~

Law

You just looked down at him with utter confusion. "Are you suuuur-". "THIS IS THE 7TH TIME YOU ASKED! YES IT'S ME LAW! TRAFALGAR D. WATER LAW!". "...But are you sure?". Little Law looks NOTHING like how he does as an adult, like who in the hell is this kid. Not only did Law have to deal with your stupid ass doubting that he was actually you're boyfriend, but also dealing with his crew laughing and cracking jokes.

He eventually convinced you that it was him by him telling you your birthday, your favourite snack, drink, crewmate that wasn't him (Bepo), book, the names and birthdays and zodiac signs of everyone in your family. The FINALLY did you back him up, yelling at his crewmates who where making fun of him for being young. "HOW DARE YOU MAKE JOKES AT HIM! HE'S A LITTLE SWEET BABY!". Meanwhile he's looking at his crew with empty dark eyes. Yeah...sweet.

It felt weird for him to ask you for help, especially when it comes to reaching for stuff. "(Y/n)". He yanked on your clothes. "Yes darling?". "Can you grab me a rice ball? I'm hungry and can't reach". You squealed and happily held the rice ball down to him. "Of course!".

He's the one who's supposed to help you, standing behind you and reaching for something on a high shelf, giving you a cheeky smirk as you'd puff out your cheeks and take it from him. But now you're giggling with stars in your eyes as you reach and hold things down for him. After lunch he's fixing this issue.

[lets-try-some-writing]

Question. How do you think the TFP bots each find the squishies that are humans look. Like aesthetically. Which ones find them cute or gross or funny looking? Cause in the Scraplet episode, Ratchet said “Typically I find your fleshiness your least engaging qualities.” Meaning that Ratchet find the humans gross to some extent, meaning that the Autobots does have aesthetic opinions about the humans. And it seems like everyone got different opinions. So what’s your head canon for each of their opinions?

Ooooooh now this is a question I will happily answer!

Ratchet: His views on humans and squishies in general is summed up to GROSS. He sees humans as essentially a bunch of organs in a poorly made plastic bag walking around on stilts. They are worse than hairless cats in his optics. They may be nice enough, but he would prefer to poke them with sticks or handle them with a hazmat suit if given a choice. He's warmed up to them, but will never find them particularly appealing. Interesting? Yes. Appealing? Primus no.

Bumblebee: Bumblebee thinks humans are a little unsettling, but he appreciates them in the way one would a pet tarantula. He can find something to see as appealing in them, although as a general rule he is not particularly enthralled with them. He is fond of human eyes, largely because their pupils dilate a great deal like how his optics cycle. He also finds it fascinating how many colors humans can have their eyes up being.

Arcee: She sits in the same boat as Ratchet for the most part. However she has one aspect of humanity that she is surprisingly fond of. She thinks human hair is quite "cute" in a sense. It reminds her somewhat of stories of Solus and she has always found it fun how humans can style their hair in so many unique ways. She has even gone so far as to ask June to teach her how to braid hair simply because Arcee also finds the texture of hair to be facinating.

Bulkhead: His thoughts on humanity can be summed up simply with: Smol Beans. He thinks they are adorable in the way one would look at a mouse and think it cute. Sure humans can do gross things like execrate and create strange internal liquids and sounds, but they are just so small. He can't help but find that fact appealing.

Wheeljack: He is neither grossed out or really invested in humans. He could care less what they look like. He's been everywhere and seen everything, so very little bothers him anymore when meeting new races. He does think that human teeth are interesting though. Cybertronians have their own version of the mouth bones, but humans growing the mouth bones and then having a few sets of them is something he just thinks is rather inspiring.

Smokescreen: He... doesn't like humans. He's in Ratchet's boat, but he's a lot less tactful in his outward reactions. His first few weeks on Earth involved a lot of gagging at humans as a whole. Squishies are not his cup of tea, but he's learned to handle it for the most part. So long as the squishes are clothed reasonably, he can pretend they are armored and ignore the fact that they are walking bags of bits and bone.

Optimus: He doesn't mind humanity. He doesn't think they are physically appealing in any real regard, but he admires their minds. Such small creatures holding hope and intellect on par with the more technological races is something he finds impressive. He also holds an appreciation for their voices simply because they are clear and without complication. It is new, and for that reason he finds it beautiful in a sense.

Ultra Magnus: He doesn't like humans. Period. He tolerates them for the sake of the team and negotiations, and he may be appreciative of human comrades and friends. But the species as a whole? He is not fond of them. He is largely more confused than anything else. He has no idea how such a fleshy and delicate species lasted so long. But he has largely shrugged it off and moved on with life.

[maochira]

hey!! i was wondering if you can do some headcanons for a reader who has a massive plushie collection with barou, rin, aryu, hiori, and niko(underrated king i need more content about him). they wouldn’t even guess that reader would be the type of person to collect that sort of stuff until they see that literally every corner of their room is filled with plushies (literally my dream). they can also tell that it must’ve cost a lotttt of money to gather that much. maybe they even recognize some of their favorite characters in the collection

can be platonic or romantic connections with the characters. i don’t mind either way! feel free to remove any character if it’s too much. thank youuuu <33

Adding two more characters cause <3 I love plushies so much (I also collect them)

Characters: Barou, Rin, Aryu, Hiori, Niko, Raichi, Tokimitsu

Requests open! - masterlist

Tags: gn!reader, can be seen as platonic or romantic

The first time Barou walks into your room, he's shocked at the sight of your plushies. Not because he thinks you're weird for collecting them (okay, maybe a little) but because he hates how unorganized they are. Why are some of them all over the floor? Why do they take up an unnecessarily big amount of space on your bed? Before he even says anything, Barou starts tidying up your plushy collection. He's sorting them by franchises and colours and also putting them in places where they look the best. Barou wants you to keep them this neatly because he thinks if they mean so much to you, you should treat your plushies with care like this.

Rin doesn't understand why you have so many plushies. And even less does he understand why you would spend so much money on them. He tries to not say anything judgy, but the look on his face while he observes your room says everything. And the longer Rin stays in your room, the more uncomfortable he gets. He feels watched by the many eyes of your plushies which creeps him out a little. This guy loves horror movies but gets creeped out by cute plushies? Apparently, yes. But you get to have fun teasing him about that. Although, over time he slowly gets used to your plushies. And after a few more weeks, he actually starts liking them.

Aryu absolutely adores every single one of your plushies ever since the first moment he got to see them. He buys a lot of clothes which are actually meant for baby dolls, but dresses your plushies in them instead. Each time he visits you, he's having the time of his life dressing up all the plushies together with you and taking photos of them. For some plushies, he doesn't find any fitting clothing, so Aryu starts sewing some on his own. They may be plushies, but he knows you love them, so they deserve to be stylish. They absolutely need to be stylish.

Seeing your plushies for the first time caught Hiori completely off guard. He didn't expect your room to look like that at all, but he quickly starts loving them. He's not vocal about it, but it's obvious how much he adores every single one of your plushies. His attention constantly drifts off and instead of looking at you, his gaze wanders to the shelf full of plushies right behind you. He hasn't thought about plushies in a very long time, but now he kind of wants to have one for himself. Luckily, before he leaves your place, you put a cute little blue bunny plush into his hands.

Niko doesn't seem to mind your plushies at first. He doesn't think anything of them and mostly ignores the fact that they are even there. But then he spots some plushies of anime characters on your desk. He knows most of the characters, but not all of them. So he obviously gets curious and starts asking questions about which animes they're from. Niko already owns a bunch of anime merch, but for some reason, he hasn't thought about buying plushies of his favourite characters until now when he got the idea because of you. He's already thinking about which ones he wants to get, but he'll probably need your help to decide. Of course your answer will be to buy all of them.

Raichi's first reaction to your plushies should have been predictable. But you're still startled for a moment when he walks over to one of the big plushies and punches it without hesitation. After asking why he did that, Raichi only laughs and says he thinks it's funny. Then he continues doing the same to other plushies, thinking you find it funny as well. Only when he looks back at you he realizes you don't think it's funny at all and you're getting upset instead. Raichi feels embarrassed and quickly apologizes, but he doesn't feel like that's enough, so he goes on and apologizes to every plushie he punched as well.

Tokimitsu treats your plushies extremely gently with a lot of care, almost as if they were real living beings. Every time he touches them he does it very carefully and whenever he pushes one to the side only by a little bit, he apologizes to the plushie. Tokimitsu knows how much every single plushie means to you. That's why he wants to treat them with as much care as he can, because that's how he knows you treat him. And of course, he treats you like that as well. It's always cute to watch whenever he interacts with your plushies and how he talks to them with genuine care.

Taglist (sign-up link): @kaineedstherapy12 @zyuuuu @luvcalico @remy-roll @truegoist @vanitasbrainrot @weichspuelertrinker @acacIa @kermitslefteyeball11 @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @https-archangel @userwithlotsoftime @nikokii @slowlyholypeanut @astruosie @gojosorrygeto @rienniey @kalinkavx @blueberrryui @keiidaydreams @sagejin @ririgards @depressed-bitchy-demon @kaiserkisser @chaosinanutshell @mang05 @wheresmysoulidk @rzu @orah-s @thedaisy78

[astarryvamp]

Chapter 2

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The boy, well- he’d better get used to referring to him as Halsin- shouldn’t he? Halsin was staring at Astarion curiously from his perch on a large moss covered rock. The vampire sat cross-legged on the grass in front of the rock sizing up the boy, just as Halsin was doing to him.  He figured he had a better chance of getting some answers if he didn’t loom over this younger version of his friend. People had a tendency to find his height a little intimidating, not to mention his red eyes.

He couldn't be more than ten years old. So very young and already there were shadows in the boy's eyes. It would seem their steadfast druid hadn't always been that way. A shame. Halsin deserved so much better than what life had offered him. What could have possibly happened to cast such a light in the young boys eyes?

“You must have some questions.” Astarion said, cocking his head at the other, aiming a friendly smile at the other. Astarion was very careful not to flash his fangs. “Some stranger magically appears in the forest where you play and declares you’re going to be friends. I know I would have a thing or two to say.”

“Mostly trying to figure out of you’re real or if you’re going another ‘friend’ no one else can see.” There was a definite touch of melancholy to the young boy’s words. So they were in Thaniel’s realm. He had a rough idea of the ‘when’ and now a definite answer to the ‘where’.

“Ah, understandable. I do look like a dream, don’t I?” Astarion teased though he didn’t expect someone this young to quite understand the joke. “I promise you, I am as real as they come. Although, if it’s any comfort, so is Thaniel.”

Halsin visibly perked up at that, gifting the silver haired elf a beaming smile. “You’ve met Thaniel too?”

“In fact, I have.” Astarion clucked his tongue, trying to determine how much to reveal. How much would a child understand? He had almost zero idea on how to interact with children. Still, how many adults would be able to give the ‘I’m your friend from the future’ talk? No, his own plight was a rare one indeed.

“I know that Thaniel is very, shall we say, choosy about who he reveals himself to. I wouldn’t worry too much about other people not being able to see him. Being able to see him just means you are special. It’s not everyone who is able to see a nature spirit, much less able to call one a friend.” And a powerful nature spirit too. From what Gale and Halsin had told him, some nature spirits held domain over a small meadow or even a single tree. Thaniel was the embodiment of an entire forest. It was no wonder that Shar had needed to lock him away to spread her endless shadow over the land.

Halsin flicked a few pebbles off his perch as he considered the other’s words. His brows were furrowed in contemplation, an adorable little scowl on his face. “My mama says I have a good imagination. Other people just say that I’m crazy.”

Astarion couldn’t help the scoff that escaped his lips. “No, darling. You are not crazy. He’s very much real. Nature spirits have a tendency to make question reality a bit, but perish the thought entirely. You’re simply…” he waved grandly to the trees surrounding them. “- a friend of nature. Should anyone try and tell you otherwise, well, they are simply not worth your time.”

Hazel eyes peered at Astarion, seemingly searching for something. Perhaps reassurance? Whatever he was hoping for, Halsin must have found it because he nodded and gifted the vampire a relieved smile.

“He is very fun to play with. I’m glad it’s not made up. H-how did you get here? I didn’t see a portal open. You just-” Halsin broke off to wave his arms as one would when miming an explosion. “Boom! Appeared!”

“May I tell you a secret?” Astarion said, giving the other a conspiratorial whisper. The vampire grinned as the child leaned closer, hazel eyes wide. “I’m from the future.”

The child snorted and leaned away from the other as though the notion was too silly to be near. “The future?”

“Yes, the future. Or how else would I have known that no one can see Thaniel save for you? You and I happen to be very good friends when you’re older.”

Halsin aimed another scowl at the vampire. It was very amusing to see that the young elf was much more quick to let his displeasure be known than his elder self. He would have to see if he could get his own Halsin to make such precious faces. “Prove it! Name something about me.”

“I know you’ve a fondness for honey.”

“Lots of people like honey. That doesn’t mean anything.”

Hm. Was the elder Halsin so stubborn?

“Fair enough,” Astarion acquiesced with a rueful smile. “You were born in 1142. You live alone with your mother and your father. No siblings or cousins to speak of. I know you like ducks. Your favorite game to play with Thaniel is hide and seek. Though Thaniel is much better at the hiding than you are. Being a nature spirit doesn’t really make that a fair game, if you ask me. That concrete enough for you?”

The young wood elf worried his bottom lip as his hazel eyes bore into Astarion’s crimson gaze. “That is… all right…” he said reluctantly. “Still don’t know if that means you’re from the future, but… that would be a whole lot more interesting than you being a mind reader or something. So, what am I like in the future? Are we adventurers?”

“In a sense. We are currently on an adventure, your older self and I, along with some more of our friends.”

“I have more friends?” Halsin gasped. The way the child perked up at that was just a tiny bit heartbreaking to the vampire. How lonely was the druid having only Thaniel to play with?

“You do. Quite a few of them. Although, I am the very best of them,” Astarion teased much to Halsin’s delight. “What’s that look for?” he asked as the child began staring at him with wide eyes. Had Astarion accidentally flashed his fangs?

“Are you meant to be glowing?”

“What?!” Astarion’s hands flew in front of him as he stared at the familiar tendrils of green light once more crawling up his arms. “Oh hells. I’m about to be whisked away in time again. Um, well, nice meeting you. Again.”

The last thing Astarion heard as light engulfed him was Halsin’s delighted giggle.

Blinking away the spots from his vision, Astarion found he was once more on the roof top of the Elfsong Tavern. “Thank the gods!” He cheered throwing himself back on the pillows he had been laying on before this whole ordeal started. Relief flooded through him as the sounds of his beloved city once more filled his senses. He had no idea what he would have done if he would have been forever journeying through time.

“I take it you had your first adventure in the past?” said a deep familiar voice with a small chuckle.

“Halsin! You’ll never belie- Hold on a moment, the first?” Astarion sat up with a start and flung a nearby pillow at the druid. “You knew this would happen when I found this damned thing.”

The druid allowed the pillow to hit him and gave another throaty chuckle as he took a seat next to Astarion. “It’s true. I did know from the moment you brought the amulet back to our room. I also confess that I knew who you were the moment you freed me from my cell in the goblin camp. You’ve visited me a number of times throughout my life.”

“Ugh, just how many times am I going to be dragged into the past? Am I to visit all our friends in this fashion?” This stupid trinket was turning out to be more trouble than it was worth.

“No, Astarion. From what you’ve told me, this amulet has made it so that my fate alone is intertwined with yours. Although, now that I am the one telling you this, I do have to wonder where this information originated.” The smile on Halsin’s face was serene enough, but there was an unmistakable light of amusement in those hazel eyes.

“And not once did you think of warning me?” Astarion cried in annoyance. “How did you even manage to keep such a secret all this time?”

“To the first, you yourself asked me not to. I am still unsure as to the intricacies of the enchantment that has bonded us. But I’ve always deferred to your judgment on these travels of yours. As for your second question; I longed to reconnect with you, but I also had my own fears that you would think me mad. Can you tell me truly that you would have believed me?”

It was Astarion’s own turn to scowl. “I hate secrets,” he muttered running a tired hand through his curls. Well, he hated not being apart of the secrets. And this was a massive one. “No, I suppose you are correct. I would have laughed at you. Tell me, just how often do I make these little jaunts back to your childhood. You were a cute little thing, I’ll grant you, but I don’t care to spend all my time with a child. No offense intended.”

“Ha!” Halsin laughed clapping his own knee. “No, I’ve known you all my life. All manner of ages. You shall not have to worry about entertaining a child the entire time.”

“What a relief,” Astarion remarked dryly, picking a piece of lint off his breeches and flicking it away. There was that little blessing then. The vampire aimed a thoughtful look at the druid as he contemplated the melancholy child he had just left behind.

“Tell me what’s on your mind, Little Elf.”

“Just thinking is all. You were playing in Thaniel’s realm. Your very first time meeting me.”

Halsin gifted the other with a warm smile. “Hm, as I recall, you had some kind words for me. Some reassurances for me about my time spent playing with Thaniel. I do owe you some thanks for that. It was- difficult knowing I had a friend no one else could see. It was a comfort to know that someone else in my life knew of him.”

“I’m- glad I could provide some consolation then. I was surprised to see how dour you looked,” he said honestly. Loneliness was a curse he knew well. It was a shame someone as good as Halsin was so familiar with the feeling.

“Mm, true. Childhood wasn’t always an easy time for me, but take heart. You and Thaniel were good friends to me. I cherish those memories. Always.”

There was a certain warmth in Halsin’s voice that gave Astarion pause. “Tell me, Druid,” he drawled, giving the other a sultry smile. “Was I just a friend to you? Or did I provide- other comforts in cold nights?” The vampire would have thought it would be a cold day in hell, before he saw the elder elf blush, and yet here it was. A spreading red that darkened Halsin’s freckles quite prettily.

Halsin cleared his throat, looking equal parts abashed and entertained. “There- was a time or two when blood ran hot between us. Things you’ll have to experience for yourself if you want the details. You were very clear on me not giving you ‘spoilers’ when you finally got a hold of your amulet.”

“Ugh, you’re no fun. Or is it that I’m not fun? The nuances of chronomancy are lost on me. Still-” Astarion trailed off, eyes tracing over the other’s form appreciatively. “I suppose that is something to look forward to.”

The look Halsin gave him was absolutely predatory and hungry. Astarion was accustomed to being chased, but the druid’s gaze was one of the few that sent a sinful shiver down his spine. “Past, present or future,” Halsin’s low timbre grew just a bit gruffer, eyes locked on the vampire’s lips. “You may have me whenever you wish.”

“Sweet bear, if I could, I’d be blushing. I’ll have to hold you to that” Maybe time travel wasn’t as bad as he thought…

[blysse-and-blunder]

in lieu of lawn care

10:30pm, sunday, may 26, 2024

cut the grass today, and then went and spent two hours lolling around outside, sitting on a blanket that even now smells perfectly of summer

reading just finished kj charles' the henchmen of zenda (thank you @yogurtforever for mentioning it to me! please overlook the fact that i'm about to go off) and i have to say, surprisingly, this was a rare kj charles miss, for me! i still finished it, i still think i'm glad i read it, but from an author who i've adored all of her other work, it's odd to realize i didn't have as much fun here as i would have liked. two reasons for this, possibly, one that i think it was an early work for her [edit: nope came out in 2018] and two that i actually had read the source material of which this is an au, and i found it continually grating that this book's whole tone and style is set up to be cynical about the original prisoner of zenda novel. if you want the critique to really, actually matter, don't change so much! don't make your case by actually rewriting the entire personalities of the king and player-king, who in this turn into strawmen because they've literally been restructured to prove monarchy is awful. the other option, b), would be to step further away from the source material, in which case you need to stop quoting the original book and integrating so much of the original language. bah. this leaves us open for one of my most irritating little meaningless quibbles, which is that a character gets very self-righteous about what the original novel's narrator meant by using the term 'well-bred', to the point that i think ends up actually being ahistorical and weakening the overall critique we're trying to produce here.

charles is also trying to introduce more time and personality for the female characters (moderate success) and insert some revolutionary, 'hey wait a minute the best answer here is not a continuation of the monarchical system where everyone sucks' sentiment (middling to poor success). i just...found i really hated the idea that every character was Worse, Actually than in the original novel, although in fairness it is believable that the pov character here would think that, i guess. you chose a narrator who's going to take a cynical view of everything, and are trying to show how he allows himself to trust and/or like certain very few people, and it didn't make for a great reading experience.

the same, however, can't be said for the other two books here, although arguably they are also dealing with a narrator who is a) damaged and grieving b) gay. katherine addison's the goblin emperor was a christmas/birthday gift for me in...2022 and was such a gem, a gift in multiple senses, and this spring i have finally indulged in the two companion (?) novels, which i read voraciously on Eclipse Day and the weeks following, and then have turned around and listened to in audiobook almost immediately. the world of amalo is no less full of horror, death and injustice and corrupt or infuriating structures of power are a big part of the inciting action, but the time we spend seeing the people who are kind makes these so much more. pleasurable to read. plus the details of the city, the public transit, the tea houses, the opera, the belle epoque prague vibes. there's comparatively more death, more 'true crime' style mystery solving, more small vignettes of crime (reminding me that she does like writing cases like this, and making her her sherlock holmes au angel of the crows, pictured in ilcb 05/12/24 but not discussed, fit into place in a new way), but the lack of cynicism matters.

listening a lot of podcasts lately. had reason to try and sum up my podcast habit recently, and realized that i am really almost constantly listening to one, of some variety. i go through different moods and will switch between shows to find the right vibe rather than try to finish one all the way through. that being said, the list i tell people when asked 'oh what do you listen to?' is, like, 99% invisible (genuinely really enjoying the robert caro the power broker read-along, despite not reading the book-- it's fascinating) and articles of interest and ologies, whereas this week i think it was primarily no such thing as a fish, followed by normal gossip, followed by i hate it but i love it followed by some npr and crooked media pods (god help me, i do still check in on their election takes and will probably continue to do so out of morbid curiosity). the maxfun shows i listen to? are like family to me, and may be just as overlooked-- but you can bet that's where i'm turning first when stuck on a long subway ride.

watching had reason, last week, to sit down and watch the entire new season of gamechanger start to finish. y'all heard about this shit? gamechanger? anyone? yes? i bought dropout for myself and a few friends last year, and it has been the best possible investment. i love feeling the, like, increase in energy and stakes and creative chaotic potential in each new episode, each new show that gets added to the roster, but i love gamechanger til death do us part. hard to pick a favorite bit for cast psychic damage and resulting peak performances (second place?? bingo?? the timeloop??? sam says????) so let me here give a shout-out to the lesser memed episodes this season, the drawfee collab and the newlyweb game (scream) and beat the buzzer, all of which were so fun while featuring people i knew less or not at all. the little sam reich matryoshkas absolutely killed me. can we hear it for the motherfucking ART DEPARTMENT.

playing having beaten one of the colosseum of fools tournaments in hollow knight, i've gone back for round two and am now emotionally trapped until i can win this second one. since i need the pale ore from it in order to upgrade and do anything more challenging. so it goes. this has also meant that i turned back to other games, after not wanting to continue to die so very much. chants of sennaar was there waiting for me so politely, and i got through the third language and felt pretty accomplished after puzzling slash brute-forcing it i had to do to make things work. was not expecting the uh. the jumpscare, as it were, at the end of the bards' level. but look how gorgeous.

making made a pretty passable banana bread today. the ratio of banana to other ingredients was a little off, so it's largely just 'bread' and isn't too sweet, but it's more than edible.

working on ignoring my email inbox, ignoring my article revisions, ignoring my chapter edits--forgot to send out the email with discussion questions for our panel discussion which we meant to send out this friday, fuck! trying to make progress on paid tasks and stay on top of those hours before i leave, trying to also organize my trip which has meant, like it or not, getting back to some of those emails. also i found an article in welsh which i had been unaware of which will be Extremely Good to have read, even if it doesn't tell me anything too new, just so that i can prove i did. my footnotes always feel so anemic. hopefully this helps, and hopefully i speed up--currently reading about two pages an hour if i'm lucky.

[yanderes-galore]

Yandere Strom king please Concept💗

Alright! Using some tips from @queenofdiscord to get him more in character compared to last time! They have great ideas :)

I am also pulling from the prompt and concept I wrote previously for him. Darling is assumed to be a pony.

Yandere! Storm King Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Kidnapping, Sadism, Violence, Murder, Possessive behavior, Deception, Manipulation, Punishment, Ownership, Degrading behavior, Jealousy, Darling is treated like a pet, Branding, Dark content obviously, Isolation.

Storm King is a tyrant who wants to be feared and abuses his power.

He'd be Possessive, Manipulative, Deceptive, Forceful, Sadistic, Teasing, and overall just horrid towards his darling.

He would see his darling as below him.

A pet or property.

He isn't the most caring individual.

Even less so towards a pony who's whole society is based on a stuffy concept such as friendship and unity.

Storm King is also incredibly temperamental.

He's cruel and doesn't care who gets hurt.

Storm King would brand his darling with his symbol in somewhere visible.

Such as the chest, flank, or face for example....

He'd also cover you in gear covered in his aesthetic.

You'll always be wearing a muzzle and harness connected to a lead for him to hold.

Without it you may look too cute for him.

You have to be feared to be his pet.

Storm King will isolate his darling.

If he hasn't decided to kill Tempest, she's only allowed limited contact with you.

You having friends would take away your attention.

He happens to want all of it.

Storm King will also blame you for things.

Usually when you have an outburst or he decides to execute some poor soul for being too close to you.

He'll say he killed them because of you.

All in an attempt to break your spirit and make you more compliant.

As he's so possessive, he gets jealous.

The reason he isolates you, brands you, does you up in his colors...

It's because he wants to show everyone just who you belong to.

He doesn't like your independence and instead wants you to rely on him.

He's a tyrannical king, of course he wants you to need him.

A king is no king without creatures to rule.

He'd take you to his throne room and hold you, stroking your mane with such a cheerful tone.

It's a facade, obviously, if he was actually nice he would never brand you as his.

He's manipulative because of the amount of lies he tells you to make you follow him.

Even before he muzzles you, he lies to you just enough for your trust.

Then cages you then and there.

Remorse? Nowhere to be seen.

He murders, kidnaps, and torments you to obey him.

Why would he have remorse?

He forces you to do a lot.

To worship him, to bow before him, honestly the fact he leads you by a leash is forceful enough.

He's also very teasing.

He'll tease you about your situation, how you look with the gear on, and anything else he feels like.

He finds your emotions fun to play with.

Your tears, your anger, your forced smiles... he loves them all.

All because they're his.

Everything about you is his.

Storm King is not all that affectionate.

He murders in front of you, he blames you for it...

Affection is a rare sight.

Although if he's feeling particularly happy, it's possible.

He'll pat your head, he'll squeeze your much smaller body, he'll nuzzle his face into your coat if he removes the head gear just enough.

These moments don't last long but they are a relief.

When you're sent to sleep, Storm King puts you in a cage.

Be loyal enough and you make get a room.

Escape is nearly impossible.

Every pony in Canterlot is enslaved and the area is crawling with his minions.

You would never get far.

Even if you did somehow, he'd have his forces search for you throughout the land.

He'll find you, you can't hide from him.

When you're finally caught and dragged back, punishment is in order.

This can range from starvation, injury, or plain old isolation for days on end.

You're lucky he adores you too much to kill you.

Even if you'd prefer it.

"Wow, you thought escape was possible? How cute! Now, let's fix that...."

[ghostypetrainer]

I posted 4,808 times in 2022

That's 4,808 more posts than 2021!

3,084 posts created (64%)

1,724 posts reblogged (36%)

I tagged 4,162 of my posts in 2022

Only 13% of my posts had no tags

#asks - 2,255 posts

#zoroark possession au - 954 posts

#reincarnation au - 504 posts

#submas - 496 posts

#ingo - 405 posts

#team chaos au - 295 posts

#emmet - 225 posts

#lord zoroark au - 200 posts

#pla akari - 159 posts

#cyan tag - 157 posts

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

wouldn’t it suck if when Ingo returned home, Arceus mentally yeeted Ingo back to the exact moment he left. it’s one thing if he physically blips out of existence and then blips right back into existence, four years older but just imagine that Arceus thinks he’s doing Ingo a solid by not only returning him to the exact time he left, but also the exact age!

(It is not, but Arceus does not know that.)

POV: You are Emmet. Your brother suddenly collapsed, but before you can call an ambulance, he’s already waking up again. You sigh in relief, but it’s short-lived because now Ingo is staring at you like you’re a stranger. He’s saying something, but you can’t understand it. It isn’t any language you know.

Something is verrry wrong.

280 notes - Posted May 11, 2022

#4

non-serious AU where Pokemon fuckery happens while in Hisui and Ingo and Akari switch ages. they get stuck in a space time distortion and when they come out, Ingo is 15 and Akari is 29 but are otherwise mentally the same.

finally the great debate over Ingo’s actual age is settled, but not in the way everyone thought it would be. Melli is so frustrated bc he’s either forced to admit that Akari must just have really, really good genes to looks so young at 50 or that Ingo was actually a lot younger than he’d thought.

Lady Sneasler sees that her warden has gotten so much smaller and her eyes just sparkle. he is truly a little kit now. she’s going to dote on him so much.

tbf the urge to dote on teen Ingo is very strong. his glaring eyes and constant frown wrap back around into being adorable when put on a teen’s face.

Akari is having the time of her LIFE. She’s a cool adult now. Arezu I need a new cool adult hairstyle STAT.

It’s less fun when she keeps hitting her head on things bc she’s used to being short though.

kamado voice: what the fuck is this bullshit

Akari still refers to Ingo as ‘Uncle Ingo’ though, just bc old habits die hard and also it is very funny to me.

Ingo’s coat is too big for him now so he just resorts to wearing it tied around his waist instead. He begrudgingly gives his hat to Anthe to (hopefully) temporarily resize and she sneaks in a few repairs while she’s at it. maybe if this problem doesn’t resolve itself she’ll finally be given a chance to fix his damn coat. it bothers her every time she sees it.

285 notes - Posted May 4, 2022

#3

some other fun facts:

Akari is fifteen years old when she’s dropped into Hisui. Immediately upon arrival, she’s attacked by a wild Pokemon and is badly injured. Irida is thankful that Lord Zoroark was there to find the strange girl and bring her back to the settlement- it likely saved her life. It’s a shame about her memories, however, but it is to be expected with a head injury as bad as hers.

Lord Zoroark frets over the girl the entire time. It’s kind of sweet, he seems to really care about her. Maybe this could be a good thing! This girl has nowhere else to go, and they have been looking for a Warden for him... maybe this is the solution they need.

Akari gratefully accepts the role, although she wishes it didn’t meant living in a tent on the boundary between the Icelands and the Highlands. It’s not as freezing there as the Settlement, but it’s still cold. At least Lord Zoroark will let her bury herself in his fur on the really chilly days.

Ingo does not really know what to make of his new lot in life. He supposes he’s grateful that he’s come to an understanding with the humans, but being assigned a Warden feels... strange. He’s not used to be treated like a Pokemon, as much as he’s always been one. He grew up being raised human, after all.

He does... sort of get used to it. There’s not much he can do about it. He cannot go home, and he’s unsure if it would even truly be a good idea. He regrets leaving things unresolved with Emmet, but maybe it’s better this way. Maybe this is his punishment.

He does grow very attached to his Warden, though. He sees Akari as a little sister, and helps teach her how to survive in Hisui.

A year into living in Hisui, Akari discovers Lord Zoroark can speak human language. He definitely didn’t mean for her to find out. She promises to keep it a secret, even from Irida!

Sometimes Ingo debates telling Warden Akari his name. It would be nice to hear it from someone that isn’t a Pokemon, but he decides against it. He’s gotten somewhat used to being called Lord Zoroark anyways.

It doesn’t matter anyways, because a year later Lord Braviary gets a new Warden. Sabi knows his human name somehow, but she promises she won’t tell anyone else. She also knows he can speak. When he hears she’s clairvoyant, he’s not even surprised. That makes sense.

Ingo befriends a Gligar and a Machop during his time in Hisui, and without really thinking about it, helps train them. It reminds him a bit of his old life, so he enjoys it. Akari thinks they’re his friends, and helps find the items to achieve their final evolutions. People naturally assume they’re her Pokemon.

Akari has a Mismagius and a Lucario! She doesn’t tell anyone that Lord Zoroark has been helping her train them. That would sound so silly!

The Pearl Clan grows to deeply respect their new Noble Pokemon. He is not nearly as intimidating as he first appears, and seems... strangely polite for a Pokemon, much less a Zoroark. For his part, Ingo finds it strange to be spoken to with such respect and reverence but he does get kind of used to it after awhile.

The Pearl Clan also finds out that you can summon him just by blowing three short notes into the Celestica Flute. They do not know that he’s just responding to a reasonable approximate of a train whistle.

Even after Ingo is restored to his human body and everyone returns to the present, Ingo and Akari keep calling each other ‘Warden Akari’ and ‘Lord Zoroark’ out of pure force of habit. They sort of give up on correcting it after awhile.

334 notes - Posted May 6, 2022

#2

scenario where Ingo returns to the future but he’s still in Sinnoh and doesn’t have his memories, so he just chills there for like a year until someone finally recognizes him as the missing Subway Boss and gets into contact with Emmet.

He’s just been living in Celestic Town all this time. Most of the elderly locals just know him as the very polite young man who helps them with the upkeep of their homes and daily tasks that become more challenging as they start to get older. One of them lets him stay a spare room in their home, and they all just sort of assume (not incorrectly) that he’s a time traveler who ended up in the future and doesn’t have anywhere else to go. Cynthia visits her grandmother a couple of times during that year, but she always just misses him so they never end up meeting.

Ingo simply did not realize he’d been returned to his own time! He didn’t remember! So he just did what he did in Hisui- adjusted. At least he got to keep his Pokemon with him this time. He’s pretty sure he didn’t the last time! He’s just starting to think that this is something that just happens to him every couple of years or so. Occasionally he challenges trainers who pass through, always excited for the rare chance to battle and help these young trainers improve their technique.

377 notes - Posted May 12, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

akari’s arc-phone has a food delivery app. if she uses it, a tiny portal forms in front of whoever was unlucky enough to pick up her order at which point they just sort of. drop the bag through the space time hole. it’s a little jumbled up once Akari catches it, but hey!! she’s got take out now!!

Akari: UNCLE INGO CHECK IT OUT. I CAN GET US BURGERS.

(Akari places the order. Seconds later, a bag of fast food burgers drops from the sky. she catches it expertly)

Ingo, who definitely does not remember what a burger is but does know he’s been craving one: BRAVO AKARI

506 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[theangryjikooker]

It's funny how your last update is about taking a step away from the fandom a little while for me, I'm taking my first step into this fandom space in three years. I became a fan in the DNA era and stopped keeping up in the persona era due to the pandemic, college being rough and my personal taste in music diverging from what they were putting out at the time. It's wild how I remember them last as versus how they've grown and changed since then, with Jin doing military service, and all of them doing their own solo stuff, which is probably the most distance they've had for the first time in years. Of course, they still work in the same company, but now they don't have to go everywhere together as a group to do promotions anymore for the foreseeable future. It's all just incredible honestly, how much I feel like I missed, despite me only really being a dedicated fan for a year and a half. Maybe that makes me less of a fan, but I think it's unhealthy to put too much of yourself in other people, especially people who you do not know personally, especially with how fervent some of these shippers get. It's even funnier when coming back, so many relatively big jikook tumblr accounts I used to follow back in 2019 for content have deactivated.

While away, I really did stop viewing jikook or any bts member in any particular "shipping" light, I basically went full disconnect mode. I do still remember how it was I got into bts and jikook at separate times, and how I felt when I stopped and just saw them as a successful kpop group I once was pretty invested jn. Coming back, I'm re-experiencing my adoration of these men and the fun memories they gave me, but I'm also fully aware once I get busy with life again, I will disconnect with them again. In a very similar way, I always viewed shipping as a personal interpretation of a one dimensional pov. We see maybe 1/10 of their lives at most, and it will inevitably grow smaller as they grow outward to their own destinies. Still, jikook is special to me, whether they're "together" or not, and I consider my shipping of them to be a fun past time more than anything. The shipping community online has always been quite contentious and toxic, even in fictional fandoms, I can only imagine how much worse that toxicity is when projected onto real people who have to see that shit. I wish that it weren't the case, but seems to be an inevitable fact of fandom, especially ones as passionate as bts's. Regardless, while I'm still here and watching what they do, I'll support them in my heart.

Anyways, not sure what exactly I was going with this, hope you do well in your irl endeavors! Your blog certainly is very thoughtful and in line with how I feel about bts and jikook in general :)

Well, welcome back! Although it's a bit odd for me to say, as I gather you may be more of a veteran than I am.

If it makes you feel any better, I've barely been gone that long, and already I feel like I've missed out on so much and that a lot of things have been happening.

I wasn't much of an ardent shipper before I left, and I would argue that I'm even less so than before. It'd certainly affect how I view some things going forward (unless I let myself be consumed by the same content and rhetoric over and over). As you mentioned, disconnecting from shipping and from this fandom overall can reset your perceptions (for the average person), and I wholly recommend it to anyone able to do so. Fandom has a way of turning people obsessive, which I don't find particularly healthy or inviting.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and just thank you in general for the kind words.

[askaceattorney]

Dear Anonymous,

*deep breath*  Here it is, my final character essay!  (My final essay here, at least.)  Let’s see if I can’t make it count.

Chief Mod Edgeworth talked about Kay once before as an addendum to my John Marsh essay, and good old Modot shared his thoughts on her some time ago as well, but I thought I’d share just how this “smooth criminal” struck me, specifically in Ace Attorney Investigations 2.

Below the cut, as always.

Unlike Maya, Kay isn’t technically employed by the game’s main character -- rather, she shows up when he least expects her to and offers her unique talents to help his investigations -- her budding investigative skills, her handy gadget Little Thief, and of course, her spunky attitude.

The third one is more of an annoyance to Edgeworth than an asset, but it’s what makes her who she is.

As mentioned by Chief Mod Edgeworth, she’s the one who makes Edgeworth’s investigations (and life) more fun and less formal, much like Maya does for Phoenix, and someone who shares the burden of losing her father to murder with him, creating an emotional connection between them.  Also, as mentioned by The Mod, she doesn’t seem to have much of a plan for her future outside of being a ninja, which could be why she spends so much time with Edgeworth, a man who seems to have found his path and excelled as a seeker of truth.  But what else is there to say about her?

I’m not sure, but, uh...I guess I’d better find something, huh?

(Brain, don’t let me down.)

In AAI2, Kay’s role is largely a minor one, but she and her unique investigating methods are no less helpful.  Much like in the first game, she makes her entrance in the most unorthodox way possible.

I wonder who that could be?

How...did she even get up there without being noticed?  And why, for that matter?  Only a Great Thief like her understands her methods, I suppose.  So, what’s she been up to lately?

In other words, she hasn’t changed a bit.  Not that we’d ever want her to, of course.

She apparently came to join in the festivities, but also happened to take a couple of pictures that prove to be important clues for Edgeworth’s investigation -- one of the moment before the attempted assassination of Zheng Fa’s President, and...

...in her words, a “two-shot” of her and the President.  It’s lucky that she was in the mood for a selfie right at that moment, huh?

...All right, I’ll be honest, I just wanted include that picture because of how adorable she looks in it. X )

Her role in the rest of the game is mostly as Edgeworth’s self-proclaimed assistant who’s also a Great Thief, and...not much else.  Not until we get to the fourth case, that is.

I don’t know about you, but my reaction to that moment was something like...

It’s not unprecedented for characters we’ve seen to die in Ace Attorney, but...one of the main ones!?  Other than Mia, I mean?

Meanwhile, at Edgeworth’s office...

A mysterious girl with bandages and a sad demeanor is led into Edgeworth’s office by a smiling nurse.  He doesn’t recognize her, and she apparently suffers from memory loss, but she has one of his business cards for some reason.  That’s a great setup for a new case, I’ll admit, but what the heck happened to--?

Yeah, I’m fine, Edgeworth, but what about............

........................................

...Oh.  Oh, I see.

In all honesty, I thought she may have been an amnesiac Iris (although I know this would be a strange game for her to show up in), but in fact, she’s the one and only Kay Faraday, who apparently didn’t fall from the roof of a tower, but fell far enough to sustain an injury that resulted in memory loss.

And because of this, we get to see a version of Kay that’s almost the polar opposite of her usual self.  In fact, she’s practically turned into an entirely different person.

As mentioned in Chief Mod Edgeworth’s essay, her personality didn’t dramatically change so much as “reset.”  In other words, her amnesic personality is, well...her real personality, with the heroic, adventurous, high-spirited parts removed.  She’s still a friendly, kind-hearted person, thankfully, but...the difference is pretty big, to say the least.

It’s a relief to see that she’s alive and well, but man, that line hit me in the feels.  Heck, I bet it would even if she had committed actual crimes.

This unfortunate mishap adds a fair amount of emotion to the game, but it also lets us explore Kay’s past in a way the first game didn’t.  Whereas we only learned about the tragic fate of her father and those responsible for it before, here we find out just how much her father and his teachings mean to her today.

Kay's biggest reason for becoming “the Second Yatagarasu” was to follow in her late father’s footsteps, as we know, but apparently there was at least one other motivation: she’d made a number of promises to her father, and the most important one to him was the promise to learn about things she didn’t understand.  I doubt he ever anticipated she would face the challenge of not understanding who she was, why she was known as a Great Thief, and why someone would defend her even when most of the evidence (and her own memories) pointed to her being a killer, but this promise she’d made took on a whole new meaning for her when all she had to rely on was someone she couldn’t remember who nonetheless believed in her to the end.

If her father was still alive, I imagine he’d have said something very similar in a situation like this.  While Edgeworth isn’t her father (although it could be argued that he's become a father figure of sorts for Kay), his unwavering defense temporarily brings Byrne Faraday back to life for her, as well as his desire for her to learn the truth rather than hide from it.  This is further solidified when Edgeworth gives her just the thing she needs to come back to...well, herself.

And with that, we finally get to see the real Kay Faraday once again!  Just...in a hospital outfit.

And she even takes the time to thank Edgeworth for the much-needed help he provided for her.

And thank heaven for that, or we might never have seen Kay’s trademark grin again.

As cute as her amnesiac self was, she’s a character that grinning was made for, and no one does it quite like her.

So, how can we best describe Kay, given what we know from the all-too-short time she’s spent in the Ace Attorney saga?  For one thing, she’s a winner.

“I’m a winner.”

And adorable.

“I’m adorable!”

And everyone loves an adorable winner!

“Yeah!!”

Oh, wait...  That’s somebody else.

(I swear, the resemblance can’t be just a coincidence, though.)

Those things are also true about Kay, of course.  She’s a peppy, cute, optimistic, action-loving burden assistant to Miles Edgeworth who doesn’t stop fighting until the fight is won.  She’s still young and immature, of course, but with some education and experience under her belt (beyond that which she’s already had), I can imagine her being an Ace Anything somewhere down the road.  Only time (and Capcom) will tell what sort of bright future she holds.

On that note, I have to agree with The Mod that she wasn’t integrated into the Ace Attorney cast very well -- she shows up as a forgotten acquaintance of Edgeworth’s, discovers the secret of her father’s murder, and then...doesn’t do much else afterward (other than adding some emotion to the story, but again, that Kay was a different person).  She’s a lovable character nonetheless, but I’d really love to see a game where she gets to have a more involved role -- perhaps as Edgeworth’s legal assistant in court, as a detective doing some investigating on her own, or maybe even as the main character.  The last one may be asking a bit much, but I’ve yet to see a main character in Ace Attorney I didn’t like, so...no reason why it couldn’t work with a fleet-footed prosecutor’s daughter, right?  Add it to my Christmas wish list, Ganta Claus!

“......................................”

Ahem.  Anyway...

Allow me to cap this off with an amazing song written by adrisaurus some years ago, which I think encapsulates Kay’s character pretty well.  She sure stole my heart away.

-The Co-Mod

[food1top]

Three Popular Forms of Espresso

Three Popular Forms of Espresso

As we all know, espresso is just one of the coffee beverages that are popular throughout the world! Even though there are plenty of flavors of regular black drip coffee, one of the things that people enjoy about espresso is that there is hardly ever anyone that orders just a plain espresso plain and simple. It seems as though an espresso always has to be added to some other mixture in order to taste better, although many people feel that espresso beverages are just fine the way they are! There are actually probably more than 50 definite ways of mixing espresso with different coffee mixtures in order to get a different flavor each time, however, there is probably more than that still. Nevertheless, if you've been wondering about what some of the different popular espresso mixtures and forms of espresso are, here is a short-list of the many beverages one can order espresso with: The Americano Probably so named because regular black coffee is popular in America, and perhaps more so than espresso is (even though it's a close tie!); the Americano is actually a simple espresso beverage. The espresso is made but then is diluted with a little bit of water in order to make the taste less strong, but the taste will actually resemble that of black regular coffee that's made from a machine! Even though the Americano is popular with many people throughout the United States and elsewhere, the concept of it is a little bland. Considering the fact that many people love to doctor their espresso beverages up with whipped cream, chocolate shavings, and other such toppings the Americano may seem like an unfair version of the espresso that some may just doctor it up anyway! The Latte Even though this espresso beverage is probably the one that is the least understood it is quite necessary to explain exactly what an espresso latte is. Some people actually think that the latte is a separate beverage from the espresso, but the espresso still is used as the main ingredient in a latte. How the Latte comes together, though, is a bit of steamed milk is poured over the espresso itself. On top of the whole mixture then is a fine, or sometimes thick layer of a frothy and foamy substance. This espresso beverage is probably most likened to the cappuccino, which will be explained next! The Cappuccino This espresso beverage is probably most known as the sister of the Latte itself. The reason for this, though, is the fact that the cappuccino also includes milk and the same foamy substance on top. However, the cappuccino is slightly different because it actually contains a considerably less amount of milk, but the milk is replaced with more foam on top! Now that you know three of the basic forms of espresso beverages then you are ready to walk into a coffee shop as a well prepared consumer. But trying all three of these espresso drinks is a great idea to finding out exactly what espresso drinks you like and dislike! The Good Things About Espresso Coffee beverages abound throughout the United States and all over the world. Getting your hands on a perfect cup of Jo is almost necessary for a lot of people when they go throughout their lives working,

Three Popular Forms of Espresso performing recreational activities, and whatever else they have to do to get them through their day. On the one hand coffee is one of those pick-me-up drinks, but on the other hand coffee can also be an addiction. A fun addiction at that, though, especially if you're the type of person to love espresso, which is a flavorful coffee beverage that millions of people adore! Indeed, espresso has so many good characteristics that it’s almost impossible to have just one serving at a time. Additionally, though, one piece of factual information about espresso is that scientists and researchers have now actually confirmed that having one or a few servings of espresso throughout your day may actually be beneficial to your health. One of the great things about espresso is that it contains a variety of antioxidants, and as well all know very well antioxidants have been known to boost your immune system, as well as prevent a whole variety of diseases and disorders. Relying on the antioxidants that one can consume from drinking espresso is a good idea even though there are other ways to get the same benefits, but perhaps the reason why espresso is chosen by most people is that you can get obtain these very benefits from such a small beverage glass! Another great thing about espresso is that there are so many ways to make it that it's virtually impossible to get the same exact taste every time you have a sip. Unless you're drinking espresso that has been made from the same exact coffee bean grounds, chances are that your next cup of espresso will vary, however slightly, the next time you get yourself a serving! Additionally, not only does espresso taste different every time you make a cup, but there are plenty of other things you can do with it as well. For starters, it can be turned into a mocha latte, a cappuccino, as well as a variety of other different beverages. For the more experienced espresso drinkers, though, the espresso can easily be turned into a smoothie, a milkshake, and even ice cream! Indeed, the single serving of espresso is really only the beginning because there are so many other beverages and products that it can be turned into and it all depends on your preferences and what types of foods and beverages you would like associated with your favorite cup of espresso! The next coffee shop that you walk into more than likely will have an espresso machine! If you have never tried espresso but have always wanted to then stepping into the next coffee shop that has an espresso maker and ordering one is very important! There are millions of people worldwide who love the espresso beverage and making one just right is what many people love! Make The Perfect Espresso So coffee lovers the world over will have different ideas on how to make the perfect espresso, but the following method should produce a good quality cup.

Three Popular Forms of Espresso The importance of good water should not be underestimated in making the ideal espresso. The water should be fresh, and should not have been left standing. It should be clean, so filter where necessary. The optimum temperature is just off the boil, at around two hundred and three degrees Fahrenheit. Choose your coffee carefully. Pick an Arabica over the more common Robusta, which has more caffeine and less taste. An Arabica is a superior bean, and the best types are grown at an altitude of over three thousand feet. Unless you are going the whole hog and roasting the beans yourself, you should ensure you have fresh beans roasted in the past few days. You will be able to identify fresh beans from the smell. When selecting your roast, it should be a dark, sweet one, such as French, Viennese or Italian. As you can see, the Europeans have the edge when it comes to good espresso roasts. The beans should be ground in a burr grinder, which has cone shaped teeth on two plates, between which the beans are ground. The space between the plates determines how finely ground the coffee is, a sand-like consistency is ideal. Try to ensure minimum exposure to the air as oxidation of the coffee reduces the quality and taste. The coffee may also absorb odors from the air which will give it a peculiar aroma and flavor. A high quality and clean espresso maker is an advantage in making that perfect brew so it is worth investing in a good one that can easily be washed after use. Once you have the ingredients together the espresso production process is simple. Switch on your espresso maker and run a cup of clean water through the machine, without coffee, just to warm it and ensure the system is dust free. Add coffee grinds, and compress them slightly, as you might tobacco in a pipe, until they are just springy. Place the hopper securely into the espresso maker and start the process. Your perfect espresso should arrive a few seconds later. For those that find straight espresso a little too much, you can combine a double shot with warmed and whisked organic milk to produce a cappuccino or latte. This can be topped with chocolate, nutmeg or cinnamon depending on your taste. types of espresso beans,types of espresso drinks,single shot espresso,espresso,cortado,ristretto,cappuccino,espresso types of coffee, Read the full article

[jamessmith2023]

Online cake delivery in Lucknow: Get your cake added online!

What about your candy tooth if you buy this scrumptious-looking cake? Look no further than online cake delivery in Lucknow! There are undoubtedly a plethora of options and styles to choose from via an expansion, so you'll be certain to find something that suits your preferences.What are you currently looking forward to? Begin browsing right now!

Cake delivery in Lucknow is now less complicated than ever before!        

Lucknow is well-known for its delectable dishes, one of the most well-known of which is cake.This is actually a unique cake that can be the appropriate way to mark the occasion whether or not you are celebrating a party, an anniversary, or just about any other occasion. However, getting an online cake delivery at this point is pure luck! It is essentially a piece that requires little effort.

Nonetheless, due to the cake that is a solution in present-day Lucknow, having your cake introduced is a whole lot simpler than previously! What you need to do is place your cake order online, although the cake might be brought to your private home. Plus, there are clearly a variety of tastes and cake sizes to pick from, so you're certain to get the cake that is ideal for your event.

So why wait? Today, order your cake and have fun in style!

Book your birthday cake online—a handy knowledge that is absolutely problem-free!

Year, it clearly is fantastic; however, it is far from the duration all over again—your celebration is just around the corner!And precisely what better way to have fun than via a tasty birthday party cake? But, instead of driving around town looking for a bakery, which is a good way to accommodate a last-minute purchase, why not e-book your cake online?

There is always a selection, and this is honestly true when arranging your birthday cake online. This is definitely trouble-free for novices; it's honestly a convenient and useful piece of knowledge. It is a simple task to browse through a variety of cake styles and flavors, and you can also order extras such as candle lights and cake toppers.Furthermore, many cakes ordered online include free delivery within a certain radius, so you don't have to worry about getting online cake delivery.

Another fantastic advantage of doing your shopping on the Internet is that you can frequently find some very good deals that are of high quality.Many online cake shop near me provide discounts for bulk orders; if you need to celebrate a party with a large group, reserving your cake online may help you save money.

So if you're seeking out a trouble-free strategy by which to rejoice that this is a virtually low-cost birthday, reserve your cake online nowadays!

Sending birthday cakes to a circle of relatives contributors

What could be better than giving everyone in your family a truly delicious birthday so they can celebrate in style?With a large number and variety of designs to choose from, there is a cake to suit everyone's health and taste.That's ideal for the one you love, whether you're looking for everything traditional and classic or something more special and modern, there's a cake for you.

Why is it that they all have a tasty party and this gift of 12 months is current? Regardless of how much you adore it, it is the way the right programme should be implemented, regardless of how much you press the other person to also commemorate his or her wedding ceremony day.

With so many delicious options available, it's easy to see why internet bakeries are becoming increasingly popular.You are trying to find out whether you're thinking about a chocolate that is in reality conventional or something more precise, and you are sure to find out what it is. Therefore, why not let them have a struggle these days? You will not be disappointed!

Fun information about cakes and cake delivery in Lucknow!

Did you know that there are over a hundred unique varieties of cake? And that Lucknow is one of the top cake delivery destinations in the world? Here are a few amusing facts about cakes and cake delivery in Lucknow:

The most popular kind of cake is chocolate cake.

Vanilla is the most popular cake flavor.

India cakes is a big enterprise in Lucknow, with many corporations offering delivery services.

There are many unique cake stores in Lucknow that offer an extensive variety of flavours and patterns.

A short and smooth way to get a cake for any event

Many human beings in Jaipur celebrate unique activities with a cake.

Cake delivery is a quick and smooth way to get a cake for any occasion and a high-quality way to surprise a person with a cake.

So, what are you waiting for? Simply place an order for your favorite cake online and receive online cake delivery in Patna. 

[selenityshiroi]

Pokemon Scarlet and Violet thoughts after the first weekend of playing:

First some pros

Gameplay is super fun

Story is interesting so far (the gym challenge less so but the other two lines are great)

Mons are varied and plentiful

Encounters are good although it's a shame they still haven't consolidated battle text into one screen yet (multiple buffs should just be one prompt not several)

Pokemon models are amazing

Traversal, once you unlock a couple upgrades, is great

Deliberate encounter shiny hunting is the most fun it's ever been (I deliberately hunted Fidough and it took me a couple hours but doing Let's Go KOs to respawn the mons was so much better than random encounters)

The Sprigatito evolution line is one of my favourite starter lines ever. May even go to number one.

In fact a lot of the new mons are top tier

The music is fire

Seriously, get me that Tera Raid song please it's living rent free in my brain

Also Tera Raid battles are such a great improvement on the SwSh Raid Dens

Tera Forms are super interesting-not a competitive player but having fun with the mechanic

Miraidon is adorable and has cat like mannerisms like Toothless from HTTYD and I love my technodragon with my whole heart

Now for some cons

Performance is pretty yikes

It got a lot better after I followed some advice (moved the data from SD to console memory, forced the resolution to 720 instead of auto to prevent upscaling attempts) but it's still not fantastic

The mons are so small and get swallowed up in the grass which not only makes shiny hunting pretty headache inducing (especially without a shiny Sparkle or sound and with a lot of subtle shinies loosing even more distinction with lighting effects in play) but makes hunting in general pretty difficult

I had no crashes in the first two days but then it crashed three times on me within an hour last night

You don't get the school lessons...by going to the classrooms??? I didn't realise you had to ask at the front desk which means I didn't find them until I'd unlocked so many it took me an hour and a half to go through them. That being said...the lessons are actually not that bad-decent detailed information and presented well. I hear there are some things locked behind them, which is why I went after them, but even as a veteran I didn't get annoyed with them

Environment models are still bad but not distracting bad (like PLA tbh)

NPC models are both great (close up or in battle) or yikes (in passing when they have a slow framerate and look like PS2 polygons

Lack of outfit customisation is sad. I get it because of the school environment but I hope DLC gives us more freedom

Shops are super disappointing...a few basic model buildings would have been nice and also given the game a chance to dump all the loaded overworld data and start afresh on exiting (maybe? Not exactly a game developer here)

Things that aren't an issue to me but I know some people are probably taking issue with/benefit of the doubt stuff:

Quaxly's 3rd evo (haven't seen Fuecoco's line yet) is one where I took one look at it and thought 'Oh...I bet some people HATE that' but I think it's amazing and it redeemed Quaxly entirely for me lol

Limited dex: we know we're getting transfer only stuff later. We know we'll probably get DLC and more mons later. We do NOT need all 1000 mons in one game. I thing it's perfectly acceptable to have the entire National Dex available on one console (so hopefully between this, SwSh and BDSP/PLA all mons are available on Switch) without them being available in one game.

But they should have taken more time...we know why they don't. Pokemon is a franchise and the games are a cog in the wheel to generate new merchandise. That wheel needs to keep turning. If they can't turn out a polished product in the time given they should invest in more staff and developers rather than take longer.

I still...still wonder if Nintendo had intended to release a Switch Pro by now but were scuppered by the pandemic and the chip shortages. Was this game planned to be a next console release and that is why optimisation is so shoddy? Is that why Zelda TOTK has been delayed twice (since it doesn't have a merch schedule to prevent more time being spent on oprimisation)? Who knows.

[theflyingfeeling]

AU where the guys are talk show/morning show hosts and crew?

Alright, hear this: Good Morning with Blind Channel!

I'm going for a morning show, because I feel like there would be more different kinds of roles there, yeah? 😌

So ummm. In this one Finnish morning show there's a meteorologist who sometimes brings his lil' doggo to the set? So...imagine Aleksi providing the daily weather forecast with his little helper Rilla? 🥰 (who, of course, would sometimes cause havoc in the set; she'd hear a word reminiscing 'walkies' or 'treats' during an interview with a guest in the studio and ruins the whole scene by spurting to the set wagging her little tail before Aleksi can do anything about it 🙈)

Joel is a cameraman secretly crushing on Aleksi (or "secretly" because Joonas and Niko totally know what's up and keep teasing him about it 😏). He's often found staring Aleksi via the camera and sighing longingly, to the point that sometimes he zones out dreaming about the weatherman and forgets his cameraman's duties for a second 🤭

Joonas and Niko are the main hosts / interviewers who keep flirting with each other at every turn 🙄 It's sort of awkward (for everyone else involved), but after that one time the production decided to separate them by pairing them up with other hosts, they were sent masses of negative feedback by outraged fans demanding for the public's favourite hosts to be reunited or else they'd switch to watching another channel's morning show 😤 (poor Santeri the producer thought he was going to be sacked for making such an unfortunate decision)

I don't think Finnish morning shows have a cooking section anymore, but a Blind Channel morning show certainly does, and it's actually the most awaited moment of the whole show; Olli started at the job only a while ago and is still a little nervous about cooking in front of the cameras, not least because it's LIVE, but the viewers absolutely adore him. Maybe it's his silky voice that provides them a smooth start to the day. Perhaps it's the fact that the poor boy seems to always be in such a hurry that he forgets to button his shirt all the way up before having to run back to the set from taking a short power-nap during commercial breaks (he's also not used to the early mornings quite yet 😴)

Niko and/or Joonas have a tendency to show up (unscripted) to "help out" with the cooking; usually they only manage to make Olli mess up somehow or say something funny that the hosts then proceed to giggle about for the rest of the day 😩

Tommi is the news anchor, perfect for the job with his expressionless face and grave voice 😐 ...but only when the cameras are on! Everyone behind the scenes knows Tommi is all smiles and laughter when he's not informing citizens about political crises or economic downturns 🥰 (except for Olli, of course, because he's new, which is why he felt a little weak at the knees when he first saw Tommi smile, having only seen him grim-faced on the telly until now)

Additional plotlines include: 1) Joel almost having a heart-attack when he thinks he sees Aleksi winking at him via the camera 😳, 2) a day when Rilla is acting particularly clingy and everyone in set keeps missing their cues because they're busy giving Rilla the much-needed belly-rubs and ear-scratches 🥺, 3) Niko and Joonas daring each other into making the other laugh while interviewing a guest (both fail horribly and are then given an official reprimand by the production and told to explain the whole thing to the viewers in their social medias 😂), and 4) Olli making a fancy herbal drink for his part of the show and giving it to Tommi who's been a bit poorly recently and struggling with his voice 🍵😌

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Abdhdnsjej wait what about-

What if people's first impressions of meeting the fangless, clawless, magicless, aurmourless, squishy human, as opposed to the powerful figures of stories and myth, was like...

Them finding the human cute...

And I don't mean like 'I'd like to date them' cute, but more along the lines of 'SQUEE LOOK AT HOW ADORABLE IT IS!!!' cute.

Hell, you could even go as far as to say that this type of reaction is just... Far less likely to be encountered in NRC due to the guys being more 'hurr durr I don't wanna come across as soft' in some cases (although I can definitely see Kalim not caring as much about that - same with Lilia because grandpa bat don't give no cares)

Although if this was the case then the human could definitely get away with a buncha stuff that no one else could dream of (wanna have extra dessert? Trey's big bro instincts shall cave under human cuteness. Wanna cook but need someone to lend a hand? Some of the food plus the ability to see your victorious grin will have Ruggie up to help you out!)

And RSA would be a bit less like NRC and a bit more open about the 'SQUEE, ADORABLE' reactions. (The one thing that leads to NRC and RSA students bonding; the Human Fan Club)

And of course, Mini!Yuu is much more powerful in this regard! Itty bitty baby human with big ol' eyes that you can just scoop up and carry? (I can even see Cheka meeting the little one and insisting on acting like a big bro because he wants to keep his new human friend safe! The serious look on his face would be adorable lmao)

I hope this was coherent and wasn't weird/repeating something that had already been said xP I hope you have a nice day! Stay hydrated!

- fluff

*pterodactyl screech* Yes yes yes yessssssss!!! I love this so much! Cuteness shall rule the world~! Mwuahahahahaha~!! ÒwÓ

Ahem...sorry about that. Cute and silly things like this make me happy, and you just reminded me of the fact that elephants think we're cute! They experience the same reaction as we humans do when we see puppies and kittens, and it makes me smile~ ÓvÒ

On that note, it is safe to say that very few in Twisted Wonderland would be immune to the cuteness known as Yuu (let alone mini!Yuu). Regardless of their looks, height, weight, or any disability or scaring they may have, these monsters will find Yuu adorable--even if some of the more tsun-tsun of them may not show it so easily! >v< Based on what we know from the game, we see in Ace's dorm uniform vignette that a few of the students in his dorm baby-talk to the animals, so it's no surprise that Heartslabyul will be notorious for giving Yuu lots of affection and attention. Luckily only mini!Yuu gets baby-talked to while getting snuggles and headpats, so at lest normal Yuu doesn't have to worry--though they'll still get nicknames! 😆

Fun fact, but during one of the researcher's observational studies during exam time, stressed or burnt out students who spent time cuddling or receiving scritchies from Yuu had lower blood pressure, less anxiety, and reduced stress than those who didn't. Even the more aggressive students can't help but relax when given scritchies or hugs frm the human--fascinating!

Note: if Yuu happens to be a human who deals with sensory problems or doesn't react well to touch or random hugs, the students will (rather reluctantly and respectfully) resist the desire to hug or pet them and--instead--ask if it's okay first or allow Yuu to initiate. To put it another way, they approach Yuu the same way we would a shy or skittish cat: by respecting their boundaries and allowing Yuu to approach at their own pace. This has led to a mini competition of sorts to see who Yuu would go to for hugs the most, though it becomes a silent agreement that if Yuu falls asleep on them, they're not allowed to move. Much like how we have the pet rule "if an animal chooses to sleep or perch on you, you don't move until they do", this is NRC's "don't disturb the sleeping human" rule.

You are also absolutely right in that Yuu can get away with far more shenanigans and mischief than the others, weaponizing their cuteness to get extra snacks or to get out of a scolding frm the teachers or other dorm leaders. Even Leona can barely resist Yuu's charms! Want a certain treat or miss a specific dish from your home? Trey, Ruggie, Jamil, and surprisingly even Azul have you covered! Lilia practically adopted them, and Jamil has had to stop Kalim from flooding Ramshackle with gifts and the like!

Now as for the Human Fan Club...oh my god, that fan club is going to have a fanbase far and wide across Twisted Wonderland, both from NRC and RSA as well! 😂 It is a belssing and yet a curse as now NRC has to deal with an influx of RSA students wanting to spend time with Yuu and wanting to invite the human to spend some time at their school (which doesn't work given Crowley reminding Ambrose of the fact that Yuu belongs at the school as their responsibility and the agreement set in place).

I'm pretty sure that Cater started the fan club via his Magicam page thanks to all the likes and follows and people asking for more. XD

As for mini!Yuu...

No one can resist the little human's cuteness! Teenie tiny child wants to be high up to reach something? Someone will lift them up and hold them high or let them sit on their shoulders for a little while. Mini!Yuu wants cookies? A well placed pout and puppy eyes will be all it takes for someone to crack. Cheka meeting mini!Yuu for the first time went just about how you'd expect. >3>

Cheka: "Uncle, Uncle, look!"

Leona: "Put them down."

Cheka: *triumphantly holding mini!Yuu's with the biggest smile on his face* "Yuu wants to go visit Mom and Dad! Can we go?"

Mini!Yuu: "Pleaaaase, Uncle Leona?"

Leona: *ears go flat against his skull* "......tch...fine."

Mini!Yuu and Cheka: "Yay~!!!"

Needless to say, Leona wasn't going to win this battle, and I have no doubt his brother and sister-in-law would be smitten by the little tot. UvU

Anyway, that's all I can think of right now off the top of my head! Thank you for the well wishes and the reminder to stay hudrated, Fluff anon! I hope you and everyone else is doing okay too~! :D

[husbandohunter]

A Small Predicament [Baby Genshin x Reader]

Characters: Scaramouche, Diluc, Kaeya, Childe, Xiao, Zhongli, Albedo

Synopsis: Cursed for a week, the boys either have to live with it or find a cure as soon as possible. You on the otherhand hoped otherwise.

(A/n): It only takes ONE glance for me to start having ideas. It was twelve in the morning yall, enjoy~

Oh here's part 2

--------

Scaramouche

• "Oh you shrank? I couldn't tell-"

• Threatens that he will murder you to pieces and burn your remains but his voice was so squeaky and high pitched (voice crack) that you couldn't help but burst into a tearful laughter. 

• Its payback time  Bully him, take his hat and hover it above his head. Truthfully, without his hat Scaramouche looks like a little schoolboy. Overall less intimidating.

• Tries glaring. Cute. He's really bratty as a kid, sitting on a high chair (which you had to help him get on) and demanding his servants to do his bidding. In reality, his personality never changed. You realized that even as a grown up he still acts like this (bratty kid in a grown man body).

• The curse made his week a living hell. Signora had the audacity to pull his ear when he misbehaves. Childe constantly messes with his hair while giving head pats and the WORST of all, pinching his cheeks. Scaramouche never wanted to commit arson so bad in his life.

• Eventually finds a cure so he doesn't have to deal with it anymore and orders everyone to never speak of it again. Though, he's plotting how he'll get revenge on everyone who made fun of him using the very same curse (You better run).

~~x~~

Diluc

• "Oh…Oh my! Diluc you're just so cute!" 

• Diluc grimaces as you glomp him in this state. How can you help it? With his head so small it makes his hair all the more fluffier! His coat no longer fits him to the point the sleeves had made past his fingertips. He tried wielding his claymore again, only to lose balance and fall flat onto his bum

• (insert kid voice "Retribution!") Did I mention the babyface?

• Diluc tries to act as if everything was normal, acting like the Darknight hero and Mondstadt's Tycoon but fun-sized. He couldn't. There was no way people would take him seriously in business meetings. Same with fighting abyss mages, his smaller form was too much of a disadvantage. Thus you ended up doing most of his paperwork.

• One time you caught him sitting on the floor couldn't reach his office desk  while reading away the various books for a cure. It was three in the morning. You told him it was way past his bedtime and he argues saying when did he ever have a curfew schedule. In the end you managed to convince him and he begrudgingly obliges.

• The type to NOT ask for help even when it's obvious that he really needs it. Before he was the one who helped you reach things from the top shelves, oh how the tables have turned. He avoids Kaeya like a plague unless he was in it for another round of funny remarks. When he wanted to go out and get some fresh air, you insisted on accompanying him. Worst mistake in his life. A travelling merchant bumps into you and commented that you had a very cute son. Diluc was mortified.

• The day ended up with him sulking in his room. Although it was tempting, you resisted from cooing over his adorable form after days of treating him like a child. It wasn't because you were teasing him, Diluc just works so hard that you wanted to spoil him a bit. At least he could still play a game of chess with you.

• When things went back to normal, Diluc ensures that you will NOT see him as your son.

~~x~~

Kaeya

• "Well look who it is, my little Prince Kaeya~"

• Tries really hard not be bothered by it at all. Kaeya still maintains his suave facade, throwing in a couple of flirting lines here and there (and forcing his voice to go a few octaves too low in which puberty has yet to occur HA). Though no matter what approach, he couldn't ignore the sparkling mischievious glint in your eye. You were obviously not taking him seriously.

• Things couldn't get any worse. He lost his masculine physique and boob window, he wasn't able to go to certain places without supervision. But the worst thing of all was that he was underaged. Kaeya hated the fact he couldn't drink anymore, he even insisted you to sneak him a few bottles (which you refused) and had to settle with plain beverages such as fruit juice (what an insult). He was never really grounded since his childhood days but he certainly felt like he was grounded now. 

• Kaeya still kisses you on the lips whether you like it or not. If you ask him to sit on your lap, he will find a way to turn the position into his favour such as resting his face between your breasts. You're not gonna treat him like a kid, nuh-uh, he actively avoids it.

• Since his personality still remains, Kaeya is a naughty child. He will use his innocent appearance to sway people (even you) to get what he wants. That was how he was able to take a sip of the wine he stole somewhere (he wouldn't tell you). Diluc scolded him heavily and threatened to ban him from drinking from his Tavern for a week (they ended up arguing, Kaeya being the passive aggressive little shit he is).

• He was extremely relieved to return back to his normal form again. He has so much to catch up (specifically his bedtime activities with you *wink wonk*)

~~x~~

Child(e)

• "Hmmm to be honest, this actually suits you very much."

• Unlike the other boys, Childe was completely okay with it. Turns out that YOU were the one who was not going to be okay. If you thought taking care of Teucer was energy-draining then expect Childe to take that tenfold and beyond.

• You've officially became his full-time babysitter who is in desperate need of a raise (and rest). You can't take your eyes off of him and archons forbid that he will ever meet Klee. One point he'll be running ahead by your side and the next you'll find him getting himself in a 1vs7 situation with some shady looking treasure hoarders. Childe genuinely thinks he could take them on but the curse downgraded his abilities. You carried him and barely made out of it alive. (This made you ponder whether the best solution would be to strap him against a chair for the time being…)

• Childe being a child will eat all the candies and ice cream he pleases. You wonder if the curse also turned him a few years back or was it that he acts like this simply because he wanted to (it was the latter). He loves being spoiled, spoiled by you! Childe demands your full attention, spoon-feeding his meals, back rubs and head pats. Yep, he's definitely doing this on purpose.

• Did he just call you 'mommy'? (Childe has mommy kink confirmed).  He has so much energy that it was exhausting, you literally had to drag him away from what ever he was doing in order to get him to bed. "No Childe, your sleeping time is 9p.m stop whining." He bargained that he'll sleep if you sleep beside him (you didn't get any sleep. You knew what he was planning. In the end, you tried to make sure he didn't sneak out behind your back.)

• Finally you were able to get out of that hell-hole. Childe promised to make it up to you, you deserve it after all~

~~x~~

Small (aka Xiao)

• "Did you know in the Liyuean language, Xiao translates to small?" You didn't say that out loud. Not when he's this angry (this angy)

• He just stands there, crossing his arms and grumbling. You were hesitant to touch him in case he might hiss at you. Xiao has always been short, maybe an inch taller than you, but seeing him like this made you think 'my almighty yaksha can't be this cute♡'

• He gets mad when you no longer call his name for help. How could you? He's just so precious~ Xiao makes it clear that no matter what form he takes, it doesn't make him weak ("Adepti and you mortals are nothing alike." Or so he says but you could tell he wasn't running as fast as he used to because…small legs). You may not comment on it aloud but he can tell just by the look on your face and it irritates him.

• Also the type to not ask for help but worse. Xiao is an agressive little kid, he seems as if he'll be willing to bite someone's finger off if they try to pet him (He gives strong cat vibes, so thats understandable). His spear was too big for him to wield so he often has to put it away or else he might knock someone over with it. Xiao hates being short so you'll be hearing him complain alot.

• Since he was an adepti, he didn't need to sleep however, the curse must have brought down his power by a significant amount to the point you DID catch him napping. You almost swooned out loud just by taking a glance upon his face. For once he didn't wear his signature grumpy look. Xiao appears like a normal child, one full of innocence. His snoring was soft and breathly but that just meant he was deep asleep. (You wished to take a picture). 

• Of course, everything had to come to an end (much to your disappointment), he still complains about the incident to this day.

~~x~~

Zhongli

• How is it possible for a baby to still look so handsome? (Must be his godly abilities)

• Zhongli is unfazed by this 'curse' since his past lives have already taken many forms. Though for some reason whenever he walks down the streets of Liyue, young girls, mothers, ladies all come him was and start complimenting him and gushing over him (he was suffocating). They'd squeeze him tight or squish his cheeks, it only takes once glance before the little girls start blushing and hiding behind their moms.

• Needless to say, despite what form he is in, Zhongli is still able to get free stuff. He got some free candies and some free kites to play with. You had to help him carry his items. Zhongli ends up tripping too much because his tailcoat reached his feet (he decided to just take it off. You had to hold that too). Seems like he can have anyone do things for him in the end HA.

• He still got that drippy voice and you're just like ???? "What on Teyvat Zhongli, you're a kid." This is why you can't see him as one, its nearly impossible.

• Actively avoids Hu Tao and Childe. Once Hu Tao caught sight of him and chased him for hours, he couldn't stay in one spot knowing that she might just pop out of no where. Childe still spoils him, however Zhongli feels irritated by the fact the only things Childe buys him toys (its different when other people do it.)

• Everytime you guys go back strolling through Liyue, you had to hold his hand in case more women come swarming hin again. You swear that at this rate he might get kidnapped because hes just such a beautiful baby.

• Zhongli learned an important lesson after his curse was lifted: no matter how many years he lives throughout  never take a form of a child.

~~x~~

Albedo

• You find him buried beneath a pile of books and had to dig him out before he suffocates.

• Albedo has the cutest eyes, they're big and round full of curiosity and they sparkle too (he has the prettiest eyes out of everyone tbh). He is the only person who is fascinated by this outcome and immediately goes in the wild to test out his new physique. 

• He was always curious why Klee T-poses when she runs so he decided to try it out himself. She was thrilled to find out that she now has a little brother to play with. In the end, Albedo indulges in the games she always wanted to play but couldn't because he was too old: princess dress up tea parties.

• You felt many things when you saw Albedo wearing a frilly gown and a plastic tiara tucked on his head. Deep down you knew regardless of what gender Albedo was still pretty. Klee even had the guts to redo his hair and hardly anyone was able to recognize it was him at all. He has pigtails, PIGTAILS! You made sure to burn that image into the very depths of your mind forever.

• The only advantage was the he was ablw to fit through small spaces, other than that, being small was way too inconvenient. He knocked down a few of his potion bottles which damaged the floor (thankfully not him) because they were lethal (he wonders how Klee was able to not injure herself when using bombs). You carried him and lifted him to alot of places such as trudging through the snow because Albedo would surely fall on his face due to his small form.

• Enough was enough, he only lasted a day with this and decided to just make a potion and put an end to the curse once and for all. 

[yyxgin]

lee felix’s guide to hating you

— ♡ FIC BANNER MADE BY THE AMAZING @chogiwow !!

pairing: lee felix x fem!reader genre: college au, tutor au ; fluff, angst, slice of life, slow burn word count: 21 k warnings: mentions of alcohol, mention of weed, swearing, bad family relationships

a/n: this story is very briefly inspired by jaemin’s drama ‘the way i hate you’ :) also this idea has been in my mind for such a long time, so i’m happy i finally managed to write it. this is also my longest fic so far, i hope it’s worth it. uhh yea enjoy <3

taglist: @feyregels​ @missskzbiased​ @hyunyin​ @koishua​ @crispy-chan​ @rindomo​ @soulssung​ @thatrandomoneinthecorner​ @90shermione​ @chogiwow​ @creatichee​ @freckledberries​ @hyunnies-stars​ 

There’s a list of things Lee Felix knew before applying for college-- and that is: 1) he really, desperately needs a degree for his grandparents to value him as an equal adult, 2) college in young adult movies seems like fun and partying and alcohol really does sound like his wettest dream, 3) he doesn’t need to work for another 4 years, which is fun and 5) he is really, horribly bad at studying.

Here’s a list of things Lee Felix, however, did not know before applying for college, and even though it’s fairly shorter, it hits you in the guts deeper, and that is: 1) studying for college means never ending chapters of insomnia and 2) he is always going to feel like the second choice for everyone. 

You see, girls don’t like Felix that much. Well, that’s a lie-- girls do go after him, tell him he’s cute and his freckles are adorable, but that’s only after they find out there’s no use in chasing after his best friend Han Jisung when he gets himself a new significant other. Boys don’t go after Felix either. Why, you may ask? Read the paragraph over again-- just change the word girls to the word boys. It’s as simple as that. He’s always the second choice, the back-up plan. It feels silly to drag his grandma into this, really, but the truth is, he’s a second choice in every aspect of his life, and that, too, includes his big (and still growing) family that treats him as something less than a human just because of the fact that his grades aren’t as good as his cousin’s are and he doesn’t have a degree in biological science, although he’s too young for that and his college years only started. It’s hard, living in his shoes.

What is Felix, however, really good at? 

Cheating.

Yeah, well, you see-- it’s not funny to be the outcast of the smart Lee family and it’s also not enetaining in the slightest to be the only single one at family gatherings (read as: weddings, because every single one of his relatives decided to fuck up their life with marriage in the past three years for some unknown reason). So Felix does what he’s the best at, and that is going by his favorite life motto: fake it ‘til you make it. 

He cheats on every single one of his exams and believe me when I tell you he’s the top of the class just because he’s the best cheater in town. Good cheating techniques equal good grades and suddenly, Felix’s life seems much brighter when he spends his sleepless nights with creating cheat sheets instead of studying and copying essays written in korean, translating them to english and submitting them as his own because no one will ever notice-- his degree is within the reach of his hand and he can already feel all the grandmas of the family clapping in joy, maybe even wiping away a stray tear on his graduation ceremony in a few years with bouquets of flowers in their hands and expensive watches in their gift bags, ready to welcome him back into the family.. 

What he doesn’t expect, though, is the cute little saying of ‘every lie has short legs’ he swears he heard sometimes in his linguistic class before, coming to life right in front of his eyes as the professor of his Biology class makes him the assigned tutor of the sweet Y/N Y/L/N, because, well, he clearly doesn’t know anything-- what’s he supposed to tutor now? 

The best cheating techniques?

The freckled boy sitting in front of you looks at you with furrowed brows and you wonder what’s the matter with him. Is there something on your face? Are you not dressed appropriately for the occasion? I mean, it’s only a tutoring session, so you didn’t put that much effort into it, but judging from the casual outfit enveloping his body, he didn’t really try to look fancy either. So what was it with him that made him stare you down as if you had horns on your head?

“Shall we start?” he asks once he’s done staring, voice sounding determined. You wonder if he sees the hints of nervousness on your face and if he notices the way you shrink in your seat in the mention of biology, but you guess he doesn’t know you that well to know that you fear the subject as much as you fear dying. 

“Yeah, sure,” you nod, scooting closer to the edge of your seat so you’re not so far away from the table. Felix-- your new biology tutor-- is sitting opposite of you and it’s quite difficult to read the text book once it’s upside down, but you don’t dare to mention it to him for a reason that’s unknown to you as well. It’s like you don’t want to overstep any invisible boundary on your first tutoring session, and telling the person that is teaching you to turn around the text book so you can actually see and learn something seems to be one of the taboos in your eyes. 

You take a quick glance at the waiter that just stopped next to your booth and smile, opening up your mouth to order yourself a meal. “Can I get you anything else?” she asks.

“No-” Felix offers her with a shy smile, but you cut him off with a voice a little higher in the octaves, not wanting your tutor coming in between you and reaching your biggest goal you’ve set for yourself.

“Actually, yes. Could I please get the chicken wings? With fries?” you ask, trying to look as innocent as you can, smiling at her in politeness. You ignore the confused look Lee Felix is offering you from the other side of the table. You mentally send him a signal to tell him to mind his own business, watching the waitress leave with a nod and a polite smile. 

“Okay, now we can start,” you nod at him and focus all your attention to the boy with sandy hair in front of you.

“O...kay?” he answers, obviously trying to bat away his rising confusion, because ordering yourself chicken wings on your tutoring session is prohibited now, apparently. “So,” he starts, sighing and scratching the back of his neck, “what do you not understand from this section?” 

You nervously chew on the bottom of your lip. Well, that’s a sweet question, you think. It would have been much sweeter and much easier to answer, though, if you understood at least a bit from the things you’re supposed to know. You went to university with the urge to prove something to yourself, but the only thing you’re proving to yourself right now is the fact that you are actually kind of useless, when it comes to biology.

“Just like the… whole thing, actually,” you nod, trying not to look as defeated as you feel and also trying not to burst out in a manic laugh as you always do when you feel slightly nervous about anything.

“Cool, cool, yeah,” he nods, taking a deep breath in, turning the textbook around and sighing, “I don’t think I can help you with that.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” you ask, confused. 

Lee Felix is the top of the grade. He is the best at biology, he is the best at chemistry, he is the best at his farmacy class. You’re sure he’ll be a fine biochemist in a few years, when his college times are over. Lee Felix is the smartest boy in your biology class and you are, coincidentally, quite the opposite on this spectrum. Which is exactly why your teacher managed to make Felix tutor you in his free time. You weren’t surprised at the fact that the blonde boy agreed to this-- he was quite the sweetheart, really. All the girls in your class fawned upon the way his freckles shined in the sunlight and the way he opened the doors for older professors. He was quite the boy you would want to introduce to your parents. Not quite the one every girl goes after, but the one that you would want to settle down with after your college years are over.

So why is he, the sweet, but also smart boy that agreed to tutor you, now telling you he can’t help you?

“It’s just.. I’m not really good at this section, I mean-”

“Felix, you’re the top of the class. Of course you’re good at this section.” you mumble, gazing deep into his eyes, trying to search for an answer.

“I-” he says and takes a sharp breath in, stopping himself in continuing his train of thought and just opting to shrug, not giving you a proper response either.

You feel like someone just punched you in the gut, and that’s when you realise-- here it is again. Another person that doesn’t believe in you-- another person that needs proving that you really can do it, you just need a little push. You can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t think you’re smart or bright enough to pass the exams, you’re not good enough to get good grades. It’s nothing new to you, but it still haunts you just the same.

“Is it because you know I can’t do it?” you bluntly ask, sighing. 

“No! No, no, I never said that-” he says, almost panicking with the way his hands fly into the air hurriedly, waving them around as if it was meant to calm you down. 

“You’re acting like it, though. I promise I’m not stupid- well, maybe I am, but-”

“You’re not stupid! It’s me! I’m the stupid one here.” he says, effectively silencing you with his words as you stare at him, dumbfounded. He’s joking, right?

“How can you be stupid when you get only the best grades? Felix, if you just don’t want to waste your time here, tell me, but don’t try to hide behind poor excuses.” you roll your eyes, feeling frustrated at the boy’s antics. Does he really think you’re that stupid that you can’t see right through his lies?

“I cheat.”

You blink a few times as if to reset your brain, gazing at him with pure confusion written in your orbs. He cheats? No. That’s a lie. A person as good at biology as Felix can’t cheat. All his exams are on 100% and he never makes any mistakes. He’s the epitome of the smart kid. The little Einstein. The prodigy. There’s no way it’s all cheating.

“No.” you shake your head in disapproval. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying! Look, I genuinely, really want to help you. I really do. The thing is, though, I don’t know how to study. I make cheat sheets and I use them at every exam and every test, that’s why everyone thinks I’m super smart, but that is really not the case,” he shakes his head, staring into your eyes with his wide open in honesty, wanting you-- no,-- needing you to understand. “I would tutor you if I could, really, but I just don’t know how to,” he sighs finally, acting like he’s just given birth or ran a marathon, exhaustion written all over his face.

“So why did you offer to tutor me, then?” you ask.

He takes a moment for himself to collect his thoughts, before he speaks up again. “Well, I didn’t really want to get caught. You see, I would never turn my back to anyone. Really. So I thought I could at least try to learn something? So I could help you? But I failed, as always, so I’m just coming clean in front of you and you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

The moment the last sentence leaves his mouth, you notice the apparent fear in his eyes, realising that he just shared an information with you that nobody really knows. It’s a secret he’s been hiding and keeping from everyone just to appear as the smartest one-- fooling everyone, including you. You feel even more stupid now, under his gaze. You feel played. You came to the tutoring, hoping to finally get a grip, when all you get is a person that is stepping all over the sandcastle of your fragile dreams, kicking every little piece of sand away with his lies. You know you shouldn’t feel so invested in this. You shouldn’t feel so hurt. But somehow, you still do. 

“So you just told me you are lying to everyone and cheating on tests and you want me to keep it a secret from everyone?” you ask in disbelief.

“Yes.” he nods, eyes hopeful. He’s been lying for the last year as if his life was depending on it and now he wants you to do the same-- keep quiet in front of everyone.

“And what do I do when the professor asks me why I’m not getting any better? Huh? Ever thought of that?” you leash out, harshly chewing on your bottom lip in nerves. “I want to pass. And I want to do it fair and square.” you get out in between your teeth.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think of that yet, but-”

“Leave.” you say, looking him sternly into his eyes.

“What do you mean, leave?”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore. And you’re clearly not here to teach me anything, so you can just take your things and leave.” you spit out, crossing your hands over your chest.

“You leave, then,” he mutters, looking rather offended. You’re not sure why he’s the one hurt right now, but you guess that’s just how men and their egos are, there’s nothing more under his hurt eyes and shattered self-esteem.

“I ordered food, I’m not leaving.” you calmly respond. Once you say this, you’re reminded of the little quest you made for yourself. Never once did you feel silly for taking it so seriously in front of your other friends, but now, in front of Lee Felix with freckled dusted cheeks, you feel almost invisible as you realise why you even ordered the chicken wings and how you’re going to write a yelp review about them later.

Well, someone has to do it, and if not you, then who will, right? It’s the only valid way to find out who makes the best chicken wings in the town and not even your traitor-tutor is going to stop you now, when your list is only getting shorter and shorter. 

He stares at you for a few moments, dumbfounded, before he sighs and accepts his defeat. “Okay, I’ll just have to text my roommate to pick me up,” he admits.

You nod, just in time the server comes back with your food, offering her a welcoming smile. “Fine. But don’t even think of talking to me from now on. I’m not interested in more lies,” you spit at him, scowling as you take a look at the plate of chicken wings sitting in front of you in their full glory. You sense a very bad review, judging from the way the chicken wings look nothing like wings, rather full on small chickens dipped in oil, but dive in nonetheless. 

“Why do you have to be so dramatic?” he asks, voice coated in disbelief.

“Because I was scammed!” you yell out, mouth full of chicken, not caring a second about the way you might look in the boy’s eyes. Yes, you could have at least swallowed before speaking to him, but did you do it? No. No, you didn’t. 

“Oh come on-”

“Don’t even try arguing with me!” you spit at him-- quite glad that this time, it’s not literal-- and huff out in annoyance, when the door opens and a short boy with a bucket hat on steps into the bistro, the red fabric of the seats of the booths contrasting with his shoes in a way that makes you feel captivated, your eyes refusing to tear themselves away from him. 

The boy is taking quick steps to your booth and you almost choke on your chicken wings as you admire his full glory-- tanned skin and car keys in his hand, but his eyes meet the boy sitting opposite of you and that’s when everything clicks. This is not the boy of your dreams, this is Han Jisung. Your tutor’s best friend and roommate-- also known as the resident heartbreaker. You shouldn’t feel weak in your knees when you look at him, but that’s exactly what happens and you won’t feel ashamed about it. Well, not now, at least. In a few hours when you’re lying in your bed? Maybe. But I’ll tell you then.

“Yo, dude, I texted you like five minutes ago that I’m waiting for you outside, what are you still doing here?” he asks, furrowing his brows at his roommate and slowly moving his eyes to you, scanning you up and down, leaving your heart to do the stupid cartwheel you haven’t felt since, like, middle school. 

“We were in the middle of an argument, so I didn’t hear my phone ring.” Felix answers, glaring at you with spiteful eyes. You almost prepare to kill him with yours, but you focus on wiping the oil from the corner of your mouth and smiling heavenly, trying to look like a lady in front of your new visitor.

“Was Felix being absolutely unbearable again?” he asks you, surprising you with his subtle way of engaging you into the conversation.

You giggle, rolling your eyes slightly. “Yeah. You know him too well, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately,” he admits, looking defeated, when he moves his eyes to Felix, looking rather sulky on the red seat in front of you as you chat with his roommate, when Jisung’s tone of voice changes into a more worried one, speaking up again, “does she… did you…?”

“Yeah,” Felix just nods. 

Jisung sighs, sitting down next to his roommate, pushing him a little so he has more space in the booth. “What are you supposed to tutor her anyway?” he asks.

“Biology,” you mumble sooner than Felix gets the chance to speak up, motioning to the textbook still sitting at the table in front of you. 

The boy takes a look at the papers, his face changing from a focused one to a one more lighter, his eyes scanning the papers with ease. You notice his mouth moving a little as he reads the words under his breath, catching yourself from staring when you feel Felix’s eyes burning into the crown of your head, snapping you back to reality. 

“You know… maybe I could help you with that.” he says, looking like a business offering you a deal that you’re sure involves something illegal. He looks like a focused squirrel with his cheeks puffed out a little in what you sense is pride, something in his eyes glowing as you nervously chew on your bottom lip.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m actually quite good at biology, to be honest. Well, not as much as Felix over here-” he jokes, scowling when the blonde boy punches his arm, “but I think I could tutor you a thing or two.”

“What’s the catch?” you ask, nervously watching him. Something in his composure is telling you he’ll want something in return, but you don’t know what yet. You’re quite sure you’ll sell your soul for the adorable boy in front of you if he asked you to, but it never hurts to ask beforehand, right? 

“What do you mean, what’s the catch?”

“Like… what do you want in return?” you muse out, taking a bite of a fry, noticing how soggy it feels under your teeth.

“Woah, you spend 15 minutes with Felix and you already think there’s something illegal behind everything? I’ll let you know, I’m better than that.” he scoffs. “I’m just doing it because I see how miserable you are. And I also don’t want you to tell on my buddie over here.” he adds, smiling warmly.

You take notice of the way Felix’s eyes grow twice their size and how Jisung’s knee lightly bumps into his under the table. It’s subtle, but you think that maybe this is when you fully fell for the short boy in front of you-- when he offered to save his best friend’s ass by helping out a lost girl with biology. And who are you to say no now? I mean, you need the tutoring nonetheless. Who cares if the boy tutoring you is someone else? Maybe it’s even more appealing to you this way, but you’ll never admit that out loud.

“Okay then, sure.” you nod, grinning from ear to ear, feeling satisfied.

“Great. Now, give me half the fries and we can arrange our next tutoring session,” he smiles, “oh, and I’m Han Jisung, by the way.”

He winks. 

You should be disturbed, but strangely, you’re not. You grin back at him, offering him the soggy fries you’re sure you’re going to give a really bad review in the evening, watching his composure change into a more laid-back one, engaging you in a conversation and slunging an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.

Lee Felix remains silent. He feels it once again-- he feels the loneliness of being left out. 

And he’s sure it won’t be the last time.

Lee Felix knows damn well how it feels to be the third wheel. He’s hung out with Jisung and his potential love interests multiple times, he’s even been on double dates with the said male, yet, he always somehow ends up being left out. So why does it still feel the same? Why does he still feel that restless feeling in his stomach, the emptiness in his chest, just like the first time? I guess you never get used to some things and emotions are one of them. No matter how much you argue that you know a feeling so well it doesn’t even surprise you anymore, it still hurts the same. That’s funny about emotions. Sometimes, they can’t even make you numb.

“Hurry up dude, the bistro closes in an hour and half!” Jisung rushes the taller male (not tall, just taller. Don’t misunderstand.) with his car keys in his hand, twirling them around his fingers in a nervous manner. Felix notices his roommate has put some effort into his outfit today, considering the lemon supreme shirt enveloping his body that he saves only for special occasions, yet, Felix doesn’t realise why he had to put it on when they’re literally just going out to eat some soggy fries in the bistro close to their house. He doesn’t ask, though. He doesn’t want the car key stuck in his forehead. He also doesn’t know why they have to rush so much, since they have an hour and half left before they close, but again, he doesn’t dare to say it out loud. 

Felix quickly puts his shoes on and rolls his eyes at his roommate. “I’m ready,” he announces.

Jisung swiftly takes a bottle of cologne from the table in their small hall (it’s so small they don’t even have a mirror in it, because there was no use in taking mirror selfies when all you can see on the picture is your phone case due to the fact that the room is too narrow for you to move further away) and sprays his body wit hit, efficiently confusing his roommate. “You wanna smell great for the waiter there? Because from what I remember, he was a stoner-”

“Oh, shut up. You never know when you’re gonna meet someone cute, am I right?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear like a cat, taking his backpack with him and opening the front door, “gotta look and smell presentable at all times.”

Felix wonders if this is why everyone always goes after his best friend. 

No, he thinks, it cannot be the cloud of cologne hanging around his body. It’s heavy and it makes Felix cough a little, but he tries to mask it, because he’s fairly sure Jisung won’t pay for his fries today if he doesn’t. And Felix is a simple man-- if he can get something for free, he will do anything to achieve it.

They arrive at the place in a few minutes and Felix can already feel his mouth watering at the thought of the salty fries and cheeseburger he’s going to get himself, joyfully skipping inside the bistro and waiting in the queue. Jisung follows him, standing next to him, efficiently covering the smell of the oil and all the good things on this earth-- read as fast food-- making Felix scowl. The boy behind the register, is, in fact, Na Jaemin-- the resident frat boy. Felix’s heard all about him from the girls staying at the dorms and to be honest, he’s quite glad he doesn’t have to live the stories of getting caught with weed at Jaemin's party on his own. That, and the fact that hot water runs in his apartment. Na Jemin might have the weed, but he surely doesn’t have that in his college dorm room. 

“Three milkshakes, two large fries, chicken wings and a cheeseburger, please.” Jisung orders, confusing Felix in one sentence. Since when is his best friend a bottomless pot for food? Is he really going to eat all of that?

“Coming right at you. Anything else?” Jaemin asks, voice considerate and polite, still turned on his customer service mode, even though Felix is sure him and Jisung have had shared a joint or two on one of his parties before.

“No, that’s all. Thanks, man,” Jisung answers, leaving with Felix right behind him. 

“Who’s gonna eat all of that? I hope you know you’re paying, and before you protest, yes, I did purposefully leave my wallet at home-” he rambles, still moving, when his train of thought is cut off by a person in his view.

You are sitting there in your full glory, smiling brightly at the boys approaching you. You’re dressed nicely, he notices-- you look like you put some effort into what you’re wearing. You don’t look that much different, but he can still see the slight changes you made to look neat. You’re glowing, Felix notices. You look excited.

“Hi, Y/N,” Jisung greets, taking a seat opposite of you. He doesn’t even give Felix an answer, he doesn’t even give him an explanation. He’s left there only to take a seat next to his roommate after collecting his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip.

The conversation never moves his way. He is silenced. Felix wonders why he was even invited, watching the people behind the window laughing with their friends, happy to order some tasty food and have fun on this Thursday evening. He watches his friend and his classmate have fun-- well, as much fun as a tutoring session could be. You’re laughing at every single one of Jisung’s jokes and he swears Jisung’s eyes never leave your face, even when he’s explaining something to you. He wonders why Jisung didn’t tell him where they’re going. He wonders why he even had to come.

Lee Felix knows how third-wheeling feels. Yet, it still makes his little foolish heart hurt just the same every time.

You nervously chew on your bottom lip, cracking your knuckles in a habit your friends always scream at you for, waiting for your tutor-- well, he’s not really your tutor anymore-- to appear in the bistro on the other side of the town. You admire the decorations for a while, liking the way it looks modern here and the purple led lights make the whole place look aesthetic. You can already imagine multiple college kids going here and taking instagram pictures to look cool. It’s nice and you’ll definitely include it in your yelp review-- it won’t make it more stars, though, if the chicken wings don’t taste like heaven.

You tug on the sleeves on your hoodie, as if you were trying to make yourself disappear. I mean, you do feel embarrassing. You feel pathetic that it had to come down to this, but you guess desperate times call for desperate solutions. You’re not here to look put-together anymore. You’re going to show him your full glory and although you regret it a little, you still have a little spark of hope in you that Han Jisung-- the boy you, admittedly, were crashing on real hard right now, won’t find out.

Felix comes into the bistro in his full VSCO boy glory, as always. He is wearing a jean jacket and his freckled cheeks are dusted pink, you’d almost think he’s blushing all the time. He doesn’t quite fit the aesthetics of this futuristic looking bistro, you notice. The retro places you’ve been to so far fit him much more-- his sandy hair contrasted well with the yellow walls and red booths. It was starting to get a little repetitive, though, you must admit.

“Hi,” he greets you as he takes his seat, smiling at you with what you can only describe as a feeling of full uncomfort. You wonder what made him feel this way about you, but you don’t dare to think of it twice as you focus on the main quest of the day-- forcing him to teach you his ways.

“Hello,” you smile. 

Felix notices how natural you look-- it feels like now is the first time he’s seeing you in your full glory. You aren’t wearing your neat clothes for a meeting with Jisung and you’re not too casual like you were at your first ‘tutoring session’ either-- you’re just you. The way he doesn’t even see you in classes. He likes the fact that no one else than him can see you like this-- he likes the fact that Jisung is nowhere around, yet, he wonders why is that, exactly, since the two of you seemed to be hitting it off quite well so far.

Felix hasn’t been with Jisung when he last tutored you. He figured there’s no use, he’s going to get ignored all the time anyway. 

“So… what’s the matter?” he asks, folding his hands into his lap. He dares to take a quick look at you, noticing your worn-out shirt and dark circles under your eyes, worry washing over him. Did something happen? Was Jisung a jerk to you? 

“Well, I sort-of have a little problem,” you mumble out, tearing your gaze away from him. You seem shy for the first time in front of him and he wonders why. He doesn’t understand your sudden change of behaviour. This isn’t the you he’s used to. “Well, turns out, I am really stupid.” you propose, leaving Felix to gaze at you in surprise.

He chuckles. You swiftly look up at him with piercing eyes telling him to stop, and he almost does, but your face looks too adorable when it’s scrunched up like that, so he only giggles once more. “You’re not stupid.”

“I am!” you whine out, finally letting your whole shy facade fall, exposing the true you once again right in front of Felix’s eyes-- direct and fierceful. “Even Jisung’s tutoring isn’t helping and I feel so stupid with him! And I don’t want him to think that I’m stupid, even though I am, and I just… I can’t pass my exams like this, so I need your help.” you say, eyes big, looking almost pleading.

“And I am supposed to help… how? Exactly?” The confusion is written all over his face, and it almost makes you frustrated. You knew he must be smart, if his cheating has been so good he’s getting through college with straight As, but really, is he really that smart if he can’t read in between the lines?

“Help me cheat.” you quickly get out, biting down on your lower lip just as you say it, as if you were regretting it.

The silence that overtakes the two of you feels like it’s slowly going to eat you up alive, angrily biting into your skin. It feels heavy and suffocating, your palms sweating as you watch Felix blink at you with mouth agape, breathing in and out. You pray for him to make up his mind soon, or else you’re going to run out of the bistro without a yelp review, tearing the skin of your cuticles as you see him blink quickly a few times before shaking his head in disbelief, clearing his storage.

“You want me to help you cheat?” he asks for clarification, furrowing his brows at you.

“That’s correct.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. You haven’t been this nervous since you took your college entrance exams, and that shows a lot, considering you used to say that has been the most difficult experience of your life so far.

“Because Jisung…. isn’t tutoring you well enough?” he asks again, making you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Hey, don’t put the blame on Jisung! I’m just stupid, that’s all.” you say, looking down into your lap, because his gaze suddenly feels like he’s judging you and you really don’t feel like maintaining eye contact with him when you’re under pressure.

“If you don’t stop saying that, I will kick you.”

“You wouldn’t dare-”

“I would and I will-”

“Okay, but is that a yes, then?” you look up at him with hopeful eyes, resembling a puppy just a little too much, and, well, Felix can’t just reject you now, can he?

“I.. guess…?” he says, watching your face light up in joy as you clap a few times in excitement. 

“Great! Can we start today? We have to start today! I brought my text books and papers and sharpies and-” you are cut off by Felix’s face lighting up at the sight of you, his eyes looking warm and admiring. You quickly shake away the excitement before it goes too far and you actually go to hug him or something, taking a deep breath in and out to calm yourself down.

Just in that moment, the server appears with two servings of chicken wings and two large fries, making Felix look at you in confusion. 

“I ordered you food, since I thought we’ll stick around for a while..” you mumble, seeing him eagerly nod and take one fry into his hand, biting down on it with a face full of pleasure. 

“Perfect. Just let me eat a few of these and we can get right into work, I promise,” he mutters with a mouth full of food, prompting you to take a bite yourself. It doesn’t taste the worst-- the bistro you went to after prom last year was definitely worse than this, but still, you don’t think Felix’s face quite resembles how the food tastes. He looks as if the Queen of England made it. In reality, it’s just a soggy fry. 

“Why do you always order the same thing? Aren’t you tired of eating the same thing over and over again?” he asks suddenly, examining your face with real interest. No one’s ever noticed your eating habits before, just shrugging off what you order every single time. Your little fast food experiment has been a secret so far, even though it wasn’t that hard to cover it up-- nobody really cared until now. 

You feel blush creeping on your cheeks as you shrug, feeling a little embarrassed for like the hundredth time today, when you reply to the boy in front of you. You know his secret, so it only feels valid for him to know yours. “I have this experiment… like, I try chicken wings and fries at every single bistro, restaurant and fast food chain in the town to find out which one’s the best…” you mumble, looking into your plate instead of facing him out of the ugly feeling of patheticness creeping up your back.

“Oh, that’s cool!” he exclaims, pointing his fry your direction, a response you didn’t quite expect, “Where do they have the best ones so far?” he asks, genuine interest painting his features.

“Oh,” you get out, feeling your lips unvoliteraly tug into a smile, “I don’t.. I still have a few bistros and the McDonald’s on the highway out of the city left, but I’d say the best ones so far were at Wendy’s. I didn’t quite like the chicken wings there, though, so…”

“Hmm,” he nods, deep in thought, “we just get food at where’s the closest.” he says, munching on a chicken wing. “I guess we could pay a little more attention to the food from now on, because after eating this, I’m never going to eat the food from the bistro right in front of our flat again.”

“Yeah, that bistro’s really awful. I only gave it around 2.5 stars, I think-” you say, before you realise you just spilled out another secret to him, feeling your cheeks heating up. 

“2.5 stars? What, do you write yelp reviews or something?” he asks, clearly amused by your accidental spill-out.

“And what if I do?” you defend yourself, glaring at him with fake annoyance. No man will ever make fun of you because you write yelp reviews. Not Lee Felix, even though he seems too nice to actually make fun of you because of something, not anyone. 

“That’s cool, though! Those help so much when you travel,” he says, eagerly nodding at you with big eyes and an adorable grin plastered on his face, making you feel understood and happy with just the sudden sign of acceptance. Turns out your little weird obsession isn’t as embarrassing as you thought it was. Or Lee Felix really is the sweetest guy walking on this earth. Either one is fine in your books.

You stay there for a few hours and Felix teaches you the basic cheat codes-- never meet the teacher’s eye, never finish your tests too quickly, always forcefully pick the wrong option before scribbling it out and putting in a correct one to not seem too suspicious. He even takes a piece of paper from you and scribbles down the basic cheat-sheet making structure. 

He feels good with you. He feels useful. He knows he shouldn’t be teaching you this, but really, is it really doing any harm? We all have to go through college somehow.

Yet, all evenings always end the same for Felix, with a bad feeling in his gut and a fake smile on his face hiding the true meaning behind his actions. He’ll never be the first choice and you remind him even today, after you leave the ‘tutoring session’ with a quick hug to the male, lowering your voice so only he can hear when you pay him your goodbyes.

“Don’t tell Jisung, okay?”

Of course. It’s all because you don’t want to look embarrassing in front of his best friend.

It goes all how you planned it to-- you’re sitting at your next tutoring session with two males in front of you. One of them is your supposed tutor and one of them is a boy that’s helping you pass your exams for real. You’re into one of them, even though you shouldn’t. You wonder how you even ended up in this mess. You swear you were a good student in high school, always submitting your assignments on time and making sure your tests were on 100%. It was kind of fueling your ego, in a way. You had no other plans in your life to hold on to, no dreams to dream, so you reasoned to do the only thing that you were good at-- getting good grades. You had to prove to yourself that there was a reason, a meaning behind your life. You had to prove to yourself that your existence was valid.

You watch Jisung with interest. You pray to god that he doesn’t catch you in your act, because that would surely be embarrassing. You don’t want him to find out that you’re just fine with cheating, because that meant your tutoring sessions with the male would end and there was no other reason for you to see him. You knew Han Jisung wasn’t interested in you. You were sure you’d see it on him if he was. And even then, you weren’t interested in only a short relationship without any good point. You liked Jisung, but you didn’t like his reputation. One week wasn’t long enough for you to waste your time on him and get your heart broken. You weren’t sure if he was a player, or if he just wanted to desperately find the one by trying all the possibilities, but you weren’t going to find out. 

Felix watches you with interest in his eyes-- but you don’t notice. He prays that Jisung doesn’t find out about your secret little ‘tutoring sessions’, because that would mean he wouldn’t have a reason to hang out with you anymore. And Felix really doesn’t want that to happen. For some reason, he doesn’t want you to ever frown. And he’s sure that’s exactly what would happen if Jisung cancelled.

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening inside of his little, foolish heart when he sees you smile at Jisung and his stomach fills with worry. 

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening with him when every time Jisung subtly takes your hand in his makes his insides twitch in frustration. He thinks it’s just because of the fact that he’s third-wheeling again, like all his life, and maybe that is partly true, but it’s not the whole reason behind the cloud around his head.

It clicks only when him and his roommate are back home, sitting at the dinner table with the left-overs from the new bistro you three went to, munching on the chicken wings and another pack of soggy french fries and the cola they had in their fridge.

“So… what do you think about Y/N?” Jisung asks suddenly, making Felix furrow his brows in confusion.

“What should I think? She’s smart, I guess…” he mumbles, mouth full of food, not quite grasping the full meaning of his roommate’s question. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung quickly nods in approval, “she’s getting really good. I mean, you can still see she’s having some troubles when I’m tutoring her, but at least she always gets good grades on tests now,” he says, biting down on another piece of chicken wing. Felix feels a wave of pride wash over him after hearing the words-- of course you’re doing well on exams. It’s all Felix’s doing. You’re a quick learner, when it comes to cheating. 

“Yeah, she’s good,” he says. 

“Well,” Jisung suddenly starts, meaning to sound nonchalantly, but only sounding like he’s determining his biggest life secret in front of his friend instead, “I like her.”

Felix almost chokes on the piece of chicken in his mouth, trying to play it off with a small chuckle. “Oh? You do?”

“Yeah. Should I.. Should I ask her on a date or something?” he asks and Felix swears he can see his friend’s cheeks reddening a little, even though the last time he’s seen Jisung embarrassed was when he accidentally called their Math’s teacher mum in eleventh grade. 

“You don’t date, though,” Felix opposes.

“That’s not true-”

“Two weeks long relationships aren’t relationships, Jisung.” 

“Not my fault they’re never the one! It gets boring after a while, Felix, I can’t just-”

“Why are you even asking me this?” Felix suddenly cuts him off, glaring at him. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting in such a way. It’s not like it’s the first time Jisung is going to date someone for two weeks just to break their heart, it’s not the first time they’re going to run after Felix a week after just so they can still be around the one that broke their heart. This time, though, he does not want to see another heart get broken.

“Jesus, chill, man… I was just asking, since you two seem closer. Did she mention anything about me? Is she dating anyone?” Jisung asks, eyes lighting up.

Felix could be an asshole. He could tell Jisung that you’re already dating someone, he could tell him to back off and that you’re not interested. However, he does not do that. Instead, he does the quite opposite. He pushes his best friend into asking you out, he tells him he should try it, because that’s just the kind of person he is. Besides, he knows you’re into him. Maybe the smile on your face could make him forget about the fact that you’re going to get your heart broken. 

“Sure, go for it.” he shrugs, “I don’t really care anyway.”

“Fine, then-”

“I’m gonna shower.” Felix says, quickly standing up from his chair and moving to the bathroom, quickly escaping the conversation.

Only then he realises what he feeling in his gut means, only then he notices the way his sigh feels like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders and he can’t breathe any time you’re around Han Jisung. 

He realises he likes you. 

And clearly, you don’t like him back.

Emotions are something you never quite get used to. Even the emotion of feeling rejection, the emotion of always being behind his best friend’s shadow. Lee Felix is always just the friend. Never the love interest. This time, though, it feels even more heavy, because in a way, you seem way more special in his eyes than the people that went after him just to get with his best friend.

This time, he does not want to see another heart get broken. Because it’s your heart we’re talking about.

And to prevent his heart shattering to even more pieces, he has to do something.

He has to stop liking you.

As soon as possible.

“Y/N?” 

“Mhhm?” you ask, raising your eyes up from the cheat sheet you’re creating with Felix’s help, the grease of the fries you’re eating glistening on your chin. You’re with him in a yet another crappy bistro, trying yet another soggy fries, and even though there’s nothing special on you to a stranger’s eye, Felix’s heart can’t help but run twice the speed of light. 

“How do you stop liking someone?” he mumbles, furrowing his brows a little, deep in thought. 

“Oh, do you like someone?” you ask, and Felix momentarily lights up at the thought of you caring if he’s interested in someone, but when his eyes meet yours and he notices them glistening and lightening up in curiosity, he realises it’s just because you’re happy for him. As a good friend should be. 

“No, no,” he quickly shakes his head in disapproval, snickering to himself, “I’m just asking. Because, think, what if, hypothetically, there’s someone who is into someone else. Easy, right? But what if their best friend likes the same person? And you know you shouldn’t like them because they’re into their friend as well? What is there to do at that point?” 

You scan his face for a few seconds, thinking to yourself. “Hmm,” you start, “I guess you have to start hating them. So the feelings disappear.” you nod, satisfied with your answer.

“How’s that possible?” he asks, scoffing.

“Well, I don’t know, since it’s all hypothetical anyway,” you giggle, focusing back on your cheat sheet. Your notes are getting smaller and smaller and Felix notices the improvement in your small lettering, making your cheat sheet less noticeable. You’re learning quickly.

“Oh come on,” he whines, kicking your leg under the table, “talk to me. How can a person start hating someone? Give me a tutorial.” 

“Well, since you really need to know,” you roll your eyes, putting away the pen from your hand and resting your back against the seat of the booth, “there are a few steps you can take.”

“For example?”

“Well, you have to stop hanging out with them, first thing’s first.” you start. “Because if you don’t hang out with them, you will eventually hate the fact that they’re not near, which will, logically, make you hate them instead.”

“Is that really logical, though?” Felix asks, furrowing his brows at you. In his books, this made no sense at all, but you seemed pretty satisfied with your answer.

“Of course it is! Then, you have to find something about them that you can hate. Anything. Find even the smallest thing, and blow it up in your mind until you hate it. Easy, right?” 

“...I don’t think that’s helping at all,” he says, tone of voice unsure. 

“Of course it is! You’re just refusing that it can be true, because you think I’m stupid.” you stick out his tongue at him, focusing on your work instead.

He kicks you under the table, making you scowl. “Ow! What was that for?”

“I told you that if you’ll make that comment again, I will kick you. So I just did right that.” he says. “Besides, your ideas are stupid. Not you. There’s a difference in that.” he smartly points out, making you roll your eyes at him.

“So, who is it that you like?”

“No one. I told you, it’s hypothetical.” he glares at you.

“Right,” you nod, sighing, “well, I’ll just stick to that, since that means Jisung doesn’t like anyone and I still have a chance.” you smile at him, obviously missing out on the way your words just punched him into the gut. Felix laughs it out, kicking you in the shin instead.

“Right. Of course you do,” he nods. He wishes he didn’t mean that.

You two remain in silence for a moment, while you get back to your work and Felix pretends he’s playing a game on his phone. You don’t notice the way his eyes scan you over, admiring you, once in a while. No one ever does. He guesses this is the perk of always being just the friend. The one people are friends with just because they want something from him. The one that gets taken advantage of. He chooses not to think about it more. Maybe if he did, he could hate you over it, if he wasn’t so used to that feeling anyway. 

“We should hang out on the weekend,” you say, taking him by surprise.

“Oh?” he mumbles out, “with Jisung?”

“No?” you furrow your brows, “look, I know I look like I’m obsessed with him, but I actually just want to hang out with you alone as friends once in a while, you know.”

“We’re hanging out now, though.”

“It’s midnight, Felix,” you point out, “and we’re working. I want to hang out with my friend, like a normal person, you know.” you shrug.

“Yeah…” he says, when your words resonate in his mind like a broken curse. ‘Don’t hang out with them.’ Don’t hang out with her. You have to hate her. He has to start hating you-- there’s no other way. And so, he turns to taking your words into consideration. He can’t meet with you if he’s not ‘tutoring’ you. There’s no way. “We’ll see. I’ll tell you if I’m free.” he smiles warmly instead, because truth be told, he’ll never tell you no to your eyes. He’s always been a bit of a coward. And he also doesn’t want you to frown. Ever.

“Great!” you smile. 

And when Felix comes home that night, at 2am in the morning when his roommate is already asleep-- not knowing of your secret meetings, he lays down in his bed and repeats your advice like a broken mantra. He can’t like you. He has to hate you.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. Only meet her when it’s necessary. If you don’t meet her, you’ll start hating her absence, resulting in hating her altogether. 2. Find a small thing about her to blow up so much you start to hate it. 

That’s not difficult. He hates that you like Han Jisung. It’s a small mistake, a small flaw, but he’s ready to blow it up so much he hates you for it. He hates that he’s not the first choice. He hates that you don’t like him.

Maybe he would hate you more if you were dating his best friend for real.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. 2. Find a thing to hate about her. SUCCESS! 3. Set her up with Han Jisung.

Now, this plan is bulletproof, isn’t it?

Felix unexpectedly breaks the first step of his guide only a few days later-- on a chilly friday afternoon, when his body is hurriedly skipping to the edge of the town centre only to meet with you. Just for the record, though, Felix didn’t intend to break the promise he gave to himself. He really wasn’t going to hang out with you if he didn’t specifically need to, but, well… you called Jisung to hang out. Felix’s heart almost skipped a few beats when he was added to a three-person big group chat with you and his roommate and at that point, he wasn’t going to reject an invitation to the fare in town, because he was fairly sure Jisung didn’t like rollercoasters and he wanted to see you laugh your ass off at him in front of everyone. Is it a little spiteful? Possibly. Does he care? Not that much.

Besides, it’s only one time. It will never happen again!!

He finds you with your black leather jacket on, stepping from one leg to the other, looking around like a lost puppy. Felix mentally curses at himself for not coming sooner so you wouldn’t feel so alone and awkward in the mass of people, when he realises he’s already 15 minutes late because of his afternoon class and his roommate is nowhere to be found.

“Thank god! I thought you were going to bail on me as well,” you call out when Felix is close enough, smiling at him.

“Where’s Jisung?”

“He texted me like 5 minutes ago that he can’t make it today. Something about his mum being in town? I’m not sure,” you furrow your brows, “at least you’re here now, though.”

Felix is met with the realisation that he’s left alone with you again, mentally cursing at himself. This surely does not look like a plan to hating you. It looks like a bullet-proof plan on how to fall even deeper for you, with how your stray hairs are flying around your head and you adorably scrunch up your nose and sniffle from the cold. 

“Should we go?” he forces out of himself, looking at you hopefully.

“Yeah!” you nod, striding a few steps in front of him like a happy school girl excited to go to school for the first time. Felix can’t surpass the gentle smile forming on his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. You look so cheerful and so joyful, making his heart swell with how easily you manage to make him feel so young again. 

He follows you gladly, managing to match his speed with yours, almost forgetting for a moment that he’s not on a date with you, almost forgetting about the fact that you like his best friend and the smile you’re giving him is nothing against the wide grin you offer to his roommate.

“Let’s go on that one!” you cheer, taking Felix by the hand and tugging him your way, not once giving him the opportunity of letting go as you drag him all around the fare. You remind him of his younger sister with how excited you get about the smallest things and he realises he wants to protect your heart from the world just as much as he wants to protect his little sister’s. It’s not the same feeling, though. The affection he feels for you is different. 

Felix doesn’t find it in him to tell you no whenever you tug him on another ride, even when his legs are tired and his jaw hurts from smiling. He finds himself wanting to capture your image into his brain forever, imprint the happy memory in there so he can find it and look at it whenever his heart feels lonely. For the first time in ages, he forgets about everything. He forgets that he’s just the friend, the other choice. He completely forgets that Han Jisung was supposed to be there, at his place, sitting next to you on the ferris wheel as you watch the night city under you with cold cheeks and frozen bodies.

“You must be sad that Jisung isn’t here with you right now. That would surely feel much more romantic than sitting here with me,” Felix says bitterly once the reality hits him for a second, once his heart is unsheltered for a short moment and your eyes meet.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” you roll your eyes, “Jisung can’t be romantic. Besides, if I really wanted a date with him so badly, I wouldn’t have asked you to come with us, would I?” you smile at him, swinging your legs forward and backward, focusing your eyes somewhere into the distance again.

“Well, if you really want to go on a date with him, you can just ask him, you know?” he mumbles, playing with the dead skin on his thumb.

“So he can stand me up and go on a date with his mum again? I don’t know, Felix, is that really worth it?” you giggle, not noticing the way you’re messing with the boy’s head, not noticing the way a small spark of hope lights up somewhere in the deep pits of his stomach when you mention not wanting to ask his best friend out. 

“I don’t know, is it?”

“I’ll have to think about it.” you muse out, and the spark is gone. Of course it’s not that simple. 

Felix just nods and grins at you. The chilly air helps him hide his red cheeks when he thinks of how embarrassing his thoughts must have been in the past quick seconds. He focuses on your face, on the way your eyes crinkle up a little when you stare somewhere far into the distance and your hair flies a little with the breeze. The ferris wheel just reached the top, so he has plenty of time to keep admiring you from so close, but somehow, the moment still feels so short and he wishes he could stop the time. He wishes he could stop the time so he didn’t have to face the reality when he comes down from the ferris wheel. He wishes he didn’t have to see you fall in love with his friend, he wishes he didn’t have to act like he doesn’t care at all. 

“Thanks for helping me, by the way. I wouldn’t have passed my exams if it wasn’t for you and that… that would be really hard on me.” you get out, locking your eyes with his sincerely. He sees your eyes shining even so high above the ground, convincing him the sparkles really must be the stars, when he takes a deep breath in and responds.

“It’s no problem, I get it… I mean, it’s what you gotta do. What we gotta do, when we want to pass. And graduate,” he chuckles. 

Does he really want the degree, though? Or does he just need it to feel like he has some worth? Does he want to graduate or does he just want his parents to value him as an adult, does he really want to continue working so hard on passing or would he just be so much happier if he just dropped out. And saved himself so much stress. He should have known he was never smart enough for college.

“Yeah. I despise the smart kids in our class. I wish I were them,” you scoff, “I despise Jisung, in a way, too,” you add after a dramatic pause.

“Jisung?” Felix furrows his brows.

“Yeah,” you nod, like it’s the clearest thing in the world, “I mean, he’s smart enough to pass. He’s… he’s got his life figured out, in a way. He’s just fine. Getting all the girls and the guys, getting good grades, going on dinner dates with his mum on Fridays,” you giggle, “I mean, I want that. That sounds nice.”

Felix huffs, staring into the distance, “I guess you’re right.” He knows damn well how jealousy feels. 

“I came to college to prove to myself that my life has some worth, but I guess the only thing I prove to myself is that I can’t even pass my exams without help.” you sigh, sounding defeated.

“Hey,” he nudges you a little with his foot, “don’t say that. Life isn’t about grades, degrees and that shit. Of course you have worth and value.” 

He sees you smile in defeat, leaning your head on his shoulder. The feeling of acceptance, pure understanding washes over the two of you, when you gently speak up again. “Try to explain that to my brain.” 

He lightly giggles. “I’m trying, as you can see.”

You look up at him from his shoulder, scrunching up your nose and leaning closer to him, whispering. “It’s not working.” you laugh.

“I know it’s not easy,” he shakes his head, “I’ve been trying to tell that to my family for the past 21 years.” he slips out. Something about you makes him spill out even things he’s never told anyone before, but he finds himself not caring as you approach his eyes with pure serenity mixed with melancholy.

“Is it all because of your parents?” you ask, “the cheating, I mean.”

Felix feels his eyes giving him out, so he chooses not to look at you anymore. “I mean, I would have dropped out long ago if I didn’t have to feel so worthless around my family then. Every single one of my cousins is smart, has a degree and earns a killing. I’m just me-- living from the money I earned over summer, trying not to lose my mind with biology.”

He hears you humming next to him, your head moving as you nod in understatement. The ferris wheel is slowly reaching the bottom again and Felix finds the fact quite relieving. He doesn’t mind having deep talks with you, he just fears he might spill out something both of you don’t want to hear.

“I’m glad you came with me today, Lix.” you smile at him once the two of you reach the bottom, “wanna hear a secret?”

“Spill it out,” he dares you, grinning.

“I only invited Jisung because I thought you didn’t want to hang out with me alone.” you confess, quickly turning around in your spot as you jog a few steps in front of him, carelessly, as if you just didn’t make Felix’s heart stop and insides twitch in excitement. He prays and hopes it’s not just you giving him false hope, he wishes it’s not his mind playing tricks on him. 

“I-” 

“And now that I know you don’t mind being around me, do you wanna go to the dog cafe with me next Wednesday? You know, the one I talked about.” you turn around, flashing him a smile worth a billion dollars, taking him by surprise as his breathing hitches and he doesn’t find it in him to reject you ever again.

“Sure.”

Second step of Lee Felix’s guide to helping you: find a small thing about you he doesn’t like to blow up so much he starts hating you altogether. 

He was so sure that he found the small thing just a few days ago. He thought that the fact that you like his best friend could be enough for him to start hating you. He could sit on that thought for long enough to pick it up to the smallest pieces and over-analyse it to the point he could start hating you. 

And he tries to do just that-- he lies awake at night thinking of how every single person he’s ever been interested in slipped right between his fingers just because of Jisung’s existence. He wonders why he’s never good enough to anyone, why he always has to be the second choice even for tutoring (even though it’s not even tutoring, but we won’t talk about that anymore). He thinks of how you’re so foolish to think your relationship with Jisung is going to last, because Jisung’s feelings never stay the same for long. He over-analyses the smallest things he notices on you when you’re in Jisung’s presence until the point he’s almost sure he can do it, he can hate you for it just a little, in a way, but then, the thought flies right out of the open window as his roommate crashes into his door in the middle of the night.

He startles awake, sitting up at his bed, watching the short male going in with much difficulty, sitting on his bed without a word.

“Jisung?”

“Lixie, I fucked it all up, didn’t I?” Jisung whines, laying down on the bed next to his friend. Felix doesn’t think it’s only due to the late hours of the night that his friend’s words aren’t making any sense, but he doesn’t dare to put his finger on it until he makes sure for himself.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N.”

Your name coming out of his lips hits Felix like a baseball bat, hurting in all the right places, as the young male finds it in him to continue the conversation.

“What about her?”

“She asked us to hang out together. And I didn’t go. I know it wasn’t my fault, because my mum was in the town, but still, I feel so bad, because now it must look like I’m not interested in her and that I don’t care and I really don’t want that, you know?” he stummers, making Felix realise his friend talks a lot when he’s under the influence of alcohol just the same second Jisung’s breath catches in Felix’s nose, only proving his point. 

“You didn’t fuck it up, don’t worry.” he muses. And it’s true. Jisung could never truly fuck it up with anyone. Even his exes always crumble up around his feet, wanting attention even after getting their heart broken. Will it be the same with you?

“She must think I don’t like her. And that’s horrible-that’s- that’s- I like her. Very much,” he whines again, getting closer to Felix and wrapping his arms around the blonde’s torso in a wave of affection that only washes over him when he’s drunk.

“Sung-” he stutters, desperately trying to push him away, but even though Jisung doesn’t look like it, he is a strong individual when it comes to involuntary cuddling. Felix can never escape his arms.

“I think she’s special, you know? She’s like- I can’t explain it. It’s like with her, I actually want to try. I want to ask her on dates and love her and give her my heart, because you know, I never dared to give my heart to anyone. And no one’s ever made me feel truly special before…” he mutters, forcing his nose to Felix’s neck, “I’m rambling too much, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Felix sighs, nodding. He doesn’t battle his arms anymore. Jisung is his friend, at the end of the day. He can hold him when he needs it.

“Sorry.” he says shortly, sighing as well. The room falls into silence and Felix’s head spins again, his thoughts spiral like a tornado and the eye of the storm is you-- standing there with that stupid smile on your face and he once again realises that he needs to hate you in order to shelter his own heart, because you’re like a hurricane when it comes a to a person’s emotions.

The fact is, though, he could never hate you for liking his best friend. 

Han Jisung is too likable for his own good. His heart is too big for this world, and truth be told, he’s been sharing it with everyone for such a long time now, he deserves to find someone he’s willing to give his all to. 

He could never hate you for liking Jisung-- the boy who smiles at everyone in the halls, the boy that offered him to live in the flat his parent’s bought for him in freshman year, the boy that helps him hide his cheating secret every day. He could never hate you for liking Jisung, because he himself knows too well how much of a treasure his dear friend is. 

He gets it. He gets why people always choose Jisung over him. He could never blame you.

“Sung?”

“Hmm?”

“Ask Y/N out to the dog cafe on Wednesday. She'll love it.”

Felix could never hate you.

Step three of Felix’s bullet-proof guide to hating you is quite simple and actually the only one he completes with success. Setting you up with Jisung on a date is easier than he ever imagined, considering the fact that his roommate decided to finally take things into his own hands and call you on a date after the drunken weeping episode in Felix’s bed. 

Jisung invites you on a date to the dog café in town. The two of you go on Wednesday and although Felix feels like he just gave his roommate a piece of him, an invitation that was never meant for him in the first place, he feels at ease, because at least one part of his plan is working. He could never hate you, but at least now, it will be easier for him to ignore his growing feelings for you when you spend all your time with Jisung on dates and ice cream runs. He only has to ignore his feelings in school and at your ‘tutoring’ sessions. He wonders how long these will be a secret in front of your new boyfriend. Jisung’s not your boyfriend yet, but Felix can only imagine how short the time he isn’t is going to last. 

Felix does the stupid mistake of opening the instagram app in the evening, when he’s curled up in his bed with an embarrassingly big bowl of popcorn on his bed side table, serving him as his depression food. He sees your post show up, an adorable picture of you from the dog café, a big golden retriever in your lap as you giggle at its face. The picture is candid and looks like the kind Felix would like to keep as his lock screen if he had the chance. He’s sure his best friend took it for you not only from the fact that you went out with him tonight, but also for the fact that he’s tagged in the post’s description with a big blue heart emoji. 

He could stop staring at the picture if he really wanted, he could mute your posts and pretend you never existed to shelter his poor heart. He could do everything in his strength to cut all his ties with you. That would make it so much easier for him, wouldn’t it?

But he doesn't. And maybe he doesn’t even want to-- he’s used to the pain anyway, isn’t he? The bitterness, the feeling of being pushed away, ignored and left forgotten. 

He was supposed to be in Jisung’s place now, but that doesn’t change the simple fact that he isn’t-- maybe it was never his place to claim anyway. 

Felix stares at the picture for minutes, wondering of how things could be if you only didn’t fall for his best friend. Or if he came with you today. Who knows, maybe it wasn’t too late for him to ask you on a date. Maybe he could still change your mind. Felix likes to give up on things too quickly, though, and that is the curse that will follow him his whole life. 

Lee Felix is good at cheating. He is insanely good at it, he would also say it’s the only thing he’s ever been good at. Pretending.

It’s his time to shine again. It’s time to pretend he doesn’t like you, pretend you don’t hurt him, pretend he isn’t in love with his best friend’s crush. He’s been always the best at cheating and now it’s time to cheat his way out of liking you. 

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

“You must be really hungry, if you’re planning to eat all of that in one setting,” Felix mumbles, watching you as you eat yet another plate of chicken wings in yet another pointless bistro in town. Felix wonders how you even know about all of these, since the one you’re both sitting in right now, in the middle of the night, looks rather lonely. It doesn’t even seem that welcoming-- it has graffiti on the walls and the seats are a little torn on the edges, but you don’t seem to care as you munch on the chicken, eyes big when you stare back at your companion.

“I eat a lot when I’m stressed,” you mutter in between your bites, mouth full. You look natural like this and Felix realises this is you in his mind-- cheeks full of food, that little wrinkle in between your brows when you look at him, eyes staring big into his like a loyal dog. This is how he knows you, in your rawest form, and this is coincidentally, also, how he likes you the most. He loves and treasures every single version of you, but your late-night meetings feel of different kind of intimacy to him that he’s sure he’s going to think of even when he’s old and his college years are dusty like an old polaroid picture.  

“Stressed?” he asks, tone of voice a little more worried than usual. Felix always worries about you. Even when you quietly take out your cheat sheet from under the table and write your answers down. He doesn’t fear being caught-- he frankly doesn’t care that much, but he knows that you are having a battle with yourself and he really doesn’t want you to feel like you lost. He didn’t know it was so easy to put someone else first when you worry for the future. 

“The finals are coming up.” you clarify, the words coming out a little bashful and smitten.

“Oh.” he nods. 

You’re both quiet for a while. It would be cheesy to say the silence was comfortable, and Felix knows, he’s seen enough teenage dramas to know these words are used in situations like this, but the truth is, there’s no other way to describe it, and he understands that now. Your determination shines through all your edges and he’s glad you’re doing what you can with the resources you have. You’re not exactly studying for your Biology finals, but it’s still as hard and as stressful as that. It can feel a little embarrassing at times, but there’s no other way around it. You have to battle your enemy, even if it means the game is not fair.

“And those chicken wings are fucking good, dude,” you mutter after a while, offering him one of the paper baskets the server brought you a few minutes ago, looking rather stoned and not interested in your presence at all.

“Don’t tell me this rotten place is winning your chicken wings and fries contest,” Felix snickers, taking a bite that, to his surprise, actually tastes the best out of the amount of fast food chains and restaurants you’ve brought him to. You should never judge a book by its cover and this bistro is clearly one of the examples.

“I have only one place left to go, so we’ll see then, but I guess it might just be the top place right now,” you muse out, a wide grin decorating your features as you glance up at Felix that watches you scribble down your notes on a mini piece of paper.

“Wanna go with me there? After the finals, of course. We can celebrate if we pass,” you point out, licking your lips in nerves, “I don’t think I’ll need these ‘tutoring sessions’ anymore then, but I still want to hang out sometime.” you say, putting air quotes around the words tutoring session, looking at him with expectations in your eyes.

“Oh, sure,” he agrees, nodding. “I have to be there when you finally declare your last yelp review.”

You only laugh at him and shake your head, eating some more as you look down into your notes again, lost in work. “I still don’t get how you can do these so fast.”

“I already know what’s the most useful. You don’t have to copy the whole textbook on there.”

“You can never know! What if I’ll need it all?” you exclaim, only making him laugh harder.

He points his eyes out of the window, watching the empty parking lot. You didn’t come in your car today, telling Felix your house is close anyway, and Felix doesn’t dare to drive his car anywhere unless he doesn’t need to. He has a little bit of a trauma since the last time he drove with his dad and he almost ran the car into a tree, getting a shower of swear words and exclamations from his dear father, so he only drives his small white Renault when he needs to go home. Which is, coincidentally, next week. 

“I really don’t want to go home next week,” he sighs.

“Your family is still onto you for the smallest shit?” you ask, tone of voice sympathetic.

“Yeah. Can’t wait to graduate so I don’t have to listen to them talking about a degree anymore,” he rolls his eyes, “I only have to find myself a partner so my grandma can shut up about me being single all the time.”

You softly laugh, making Felix look at you for a moment, his heart skipping a few beats when your eyes meet for a little more seconds than usual. “I’m sorry. You can always text me, though, if you need anyone to talk or gossip with.” you say, averting your eyes from his.

“You’d have to be on your phone 24/7, then. My mental stability comes down by 70% when I’m back home and it’s already only on 15% now,” Felix snickers.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I’ll be staying here anyway.” you say, giggling.

“You’re not coming back home?”

“No,” you shake your head in disapproval, quickly glancing into his eyes before speaking up again, “it’s my parent’s wedding anniversary, so they’re going on a holiday. There’s no use in me coming home if I’m just going to be alone there anyway,” you shrug.

Felix hums, nodding in understatement. “That makes sense. I’m sorry you can’t meet your family on holidays, though.”

“It’s okay,” you say, “I see them often anyway. One Christmas won’t kill me. I have a whole season of Game of thrones to catch up on anyway.” you light-heartedly laugh, sounding like Felix’s favorite song. He smiles with you, shaking his head in disbelief at how positively you can always see the world, when he glances out of the window for a moment again, only to be met with a surprise. 

There are white flakes of snow falling from the sky and something in Felix wakes up-- something he’d call happiness, maybe even joy, when he quickly shoots up from his seat and calls you with excitement coating his voice, “Y/N! Y/N! Come on!”

“Come where? Felix, what are you-” 

He doesn’t let you finish as he takes you by the hand and tugs you on your feet, tugging you out of the empty bistro out into the dark parking lot, admiring the snowflakes falling onto the ground and every surface in his sight. He sees some stick into your hair, making him giggle as his outstretched hand dusts them off subconsciously, when he starts running around like a happy child, laughter coming out of his throat filling the silence.

“It’s snowing!” you exclaim, when Felix reaches your body frozen in its place again. He reminds you of a golden retriever when he jumps a little in his place, his feet happily crouching in the snow. You laugh at his antics when he starts acting like a little boy, this side of Felix being so new to you, yet you can’t help but feel your heart swell with admiration when he asks you to catch some snow into your mouth.

“Felix! That’s disgusting!” you refuse, laughing.

“Oh come on! It’s just water!” he cheers, leaning his head back and opening his mouth wide, waiting for the snow to fall into his mouth. 

“But it’s unhygienic and dirty! You have to be kidding me!” you still reject his idea, standing your ground firmly as always in your life so far, when a face of a boy looking like an angel takes you by surprise and his big eyes plead you in a way that makes you drop all your grudges and all your beliefs down, rolling your eyes when he pouts, leaning your head back as well and opening your mouth with a loud ‘aaaa’ sound to satisfy his foolish heart.

Once you both feel a snowflake hitting your tongues, you look at each other with your tongues out, laughing at how stupid the other one looks, pointing to your tongues. You shake your head. “It melted off, you stupid!”

“You did the same thing!” he bursts out laughing, bending over in the force of his emotions. You watch him with a wide grin plastered onto your face. It feels like watching a movie. You don’t think you’ll ever have a brighter memory with the boy in front of you, with his cheeks red from the snow and smile so wide it hurts both of your jaws.

You instinctively take his hands into yours, looking down on your feet as you start going around in a circle with him, going quicker and quicker as you watch your footprints in the snow mixing with his, the dry skin of his hands making you feel strange. You laugh out when your head starts spinning, looking up at him to find him already staring at you with stars in his eyes, when you wonder,

isn’t this how love is supposed to feel?

All of his life, Felix had thought that family gatherings could always either go two ways, and that is: 1) a normal, boring meet-ups where your grandma asks about how school’s going, when you’re going to finally find a partner and another one of your cousin’s announces their engagement party, or 2) the actual engagement parties-- every single family member including the senile grandma from mum’s side gets drunk and you don’t have to think about more fake reasons why you have yet to lose your virginity.

You see, Felix is wrong in a lot of things. And this was surely one of them-- it’s the December 27th and he’s sitting in his grandma’s old kitchen, the wind blowing through the cracks of her window and the sweets on the table have already melted from the heat being too high, because his aunt is always cold and they can’t compromise. That sounds fine, even usual, Felix would say, however, the fire lights up a few moments later when his head starts to hurt from all the talking and he begins to dissociate a little too much, meaning that his grandma now has to shift her attention from all of his other relatives to him, because how dare he stay quiet on a family gathering where he has nothing to add to the conversation, right?

It starts off as usual, the answers to these questions digged deep into Felix’s brain since the first year of college. He doesn’t even bat an eye when he answers the questions directed at his studies and grades, telling all of his interested relatives that he’s working hard and it’s paying off. Nobody complains or disagrees-- his grades are awesome. His degree is here soon. Felix almost thinks he’s over with when his grandma laughs at a poor joke that comes out of his mouth, but that was only a bad prediction as he moves on to questions about his love life, which are, believe me or not, much more boring and much more ego-hurting for the blonde.

“Do you have a girlfriend yet, Felix?” she asks, tone of voice sounding rather interested, but don’t believe her-- it’s only an act. She’s ready to laugh into his face when he gives her the answer she’s hoping for.

“No, not yet, grandma,” he mumbles, averting his eyes from her wrinkley face as soon as possible. He really doesn’t need to look at her any longer to know she’s silently judging him on the inside, because that’s just how his grandmother is. 

“That’s such a shame… I wonder why… You’re such a pretty young boy, aren’t you?” she mutters under her nose, tone almost whiney, “what about your roommate? Jisung, was it?”

Felix takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes for a second to calm his rising heart beat. He could have predicted questions like this coming, because the conversation always somehow diverted to his roommate even when he was at home with his family. It’s crazy, how everyone just seems to adore Jisung much more than their own family member. 

“He’s.. Yeah. He’s always with someone, you know him. Not now, though, now he’s single,” Felix nods, explaining.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll find someone soon,” she admits, “he’s such a gentleman. And so handsome as well, isn’t he?” she asks, his aunt from her right side nodding quickly at the mention of Han Jisung. 

“He always has so many people around him, he’s so charming. If only you were more like him, maybe then someone would date you as well,” his grandma says calmly, not even noticing the way her words cut deeper and deeper into Felix’s heart, kicking him and punching him like a boxing bag, “you should try to be more like him.”

Felix bites down on his lower lip, rolling his eyes. Frustration coats his voice once he speaks up, the built-up anger living inside of him like an animal kept well in its cage. He doesn’t want to let it out, because he fears what it might do once it’s free, but he still retorts to a dig addressed to his grandma, huffing in annoyance. “Should I send Jisung home instead of me next time?”

“Oh no, Felix, what are you even saying right now?” his grandma looks rather offended, eyes twice their usual size as she glares at him.

“Well, since you like him so much.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was just saying that-”

“Leave it.” Felix says. 

The atmosphere is too heavy now, all eyes on him as if he was in a circus, watching him just moments before his breaking. He realises he no longer feels welcome in this place and maybe he never did, he just chose to ignore it by now, because that’s what he always does when a problem appears-- he chooses ignorance. Ignorance is Felix’s best friend, and although it may sound like he’s running away from his problems all the time, it’s always worked so far. He’s just protecting his heart, building walls around it. 

He doesn’t want to fight. He hates conflict. So, even though he’d like to snap, even though he’d like to leash out like an animal, he doesn’t. He steps back-- as he always does, taking the car keys from the table and escaping the house, hearing the calls of his mother after him. He doesn’t bother to say goodbye, he doesn’t even bother to look back nor take the Christmas gifts his grandma brought for everyone. 

He sits into the small white Renault he drives once a year when he comes back home, starts the engine and speeds up to the limit, driving away from all of his problems. He doesn’t want to hear their complaints, he doesn’t want to listen. It’s the best this way. He wants to ignore the words that came out of his grandma’s mouth, but he can’t find it in him as he hears them resonate in his head over and over again. 

He’s the second choice even in his own family. He’s a joke to everyone, isn’t he? Just the side character, the one that never gets the spotlight. It hurts, it hurts him so much, but he pays no attention to his blurry vision, because even though he’s fairly sure no one from his family would miss him, he doesn’t want to drive off the road and kill himself with his escape.

He parks the car in front of his and Jisung’s flat after a few hours. He’s fairly good at it, considering he never drives, and mentally puts up a middle finger to his dad in his head for screaming at him so much. He was in a much calmer headspace when he was driving with his dad than he was now, yet, he didn’t manage to drive anyone over. 

Putting his feet into the cold, empty apartment, turning the heating on and plopping down on the sofa, he once again realises how lonely it feels. Not only because of the feeling of abandonment the dark flat resonates, but also due to the fact that it truly feels like now, he’s all alone in this world. The silence screams louder than any words ever could, his ears lowly ringing without any sound in the small room, which makes him wonder if he’s truly the only one that has to spend his holidays pretty much alone. Maybe it’s his fault that he’s fucked it up with his family, who knows-- but that’s a topic for another overthinking session of his, when he decides to let it go once his eyes meet the snow silently falling down behind the window. 

The dark mixed with the white balls of fluff in the air remind him of you. Your bubbly laugh, the feeling of your skin on his when you held his hands and danced around with him in the snow. He feels a smile growing on his face, despite everything he’s heard today, his fingers involuntarily texting you to see if you’re doing anything and if you can hang out with him today. 

He meets you at the door a few minutes later, your nose runny from the cold and hands dry, smiling at you with a sense he can only describe as belonging, because he realises, maybe you feel just as lonely as him on holidays and suddenly, he no longer feels sorry for leaving.

“Why are you even here, Lix? Shouldn’t you be at home?” you ask him when you’re taking off your shoes and hanging your coat on the hanger by the door. He bites down on his lower lip to suppress a bitter chuckle. 

“Christmas got cancelled this year.” he shrugs. 

It’s not like he doesn’t trust you. You know better than anyone what his struggles are-- he asked you to keep his secrets numerous times. It’s just that now that you’re here, it’s like his soul finally feels calm and he no longer wants to whine about his grandma or his aunts anymore. It’s just you and him and the empty apartment. If he was anyone else, maybe he’d try to get into your pants. He’s just Lee Felix though, and he’s absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with you, he realises, and believe me, it kind of takes him over the edge, and so he doesn’t try anything. 

And you look at him in understatement, no other questions asked.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s all a capitalistic holiday anyway,” he shrugs.

You follow him into the living room and he throws the remote control into your lap, telling you to choose a movie before he comes back with popcorn. 

“If you don’t pick anything before I’m done, we’ll just watch Venom, I don’t care,” he says, seeing you adorably scrunch up your nose at him in response. 

When he comes back and you’re waiting for him with Howl’s moving castle paused on Netflix, he can’t help but grin at you. He places the popcorn on the coffee table and notices himself staring onto your body next to his far more often than the TV and wonders if he really drove away from all of his problems or if he just drove away from one problem to another, because now, it’s getting really hard to focus on staying away from you. 

And when you shiver and curl up into his side, placing your head onto his shoulder, he can’t help but jolt at the contact, staring at you in surprise. 

“It’s cold,” you mumble, pouting.

Felix smiles. He rolls his eyes at you, even though on the inside, he finds you absolutely adorable, taking a blanket from the side of the sofa and putting it over your cold bodies, tucking you both in. You feel warm against his side, your hand resting on his chest. He wonders if you can feel his quickening heartbeat, his stiff body and the nerves rising in his heart. Everything else disappears, the fight back home long forgotten and Han Jisung left somewhere home with his own family, the weight of your body overwhelming him when you fall asleep and that’s when he stops and thinks,

isn’t this how home’s supposed to feel like?

The halls of the university building are empty as Felix stands right in front of the closed door, silently pacing around the corridors and bumping his knee up and down. He just got his final’s results and even though his soul was supposed to be at peace, he finds himself stressing over you, currently sitting in the room behind the closed door in front of him, getting your final’s results from biology back. The professor decided to split your class into two groups for the finals so you can, quote, ‘focus better when there’s less people around’ and even though you managed to cheat on your exams without any problems, he still wonders if you did well and if you passed. 

Once the voices behind the closed doors get louder and louder, he figures it’s near the end of your lecture and he can finally see you again and ask you how you did. 

The last time he talked to you without the stress of finals breathing onto your back was back on Christmas break-- more than a week ago. Ever since then, you two have been meeting in the middle of the night again, preparing for your upcoming tests. You didn’t really manage to talk a lot about anything else and even though Felix didn’t mind, he still missed your mindless rambles and weird jokes you used to crack when you weren’t stressing your mind off. 

The door opens and reveals people coming out, a few of them wearing a toothy grin on their faces as they glance on the paper in their hands, a few of them frowning as they pin their eyes to the ground. It’s not easy to differentiate the ones that passed and the ones who did not do that well and even though Felix feels sorry for them, he wonders why they just don’t cheat their way out of bad grades just how he does. It’s not that hard. It just takes a lot of practice. 

Once he finally sees your face, a big, toothy grin decorating your lips, a big stone falls off his heart, a weight lifts itself from his shoulders, because frankly, you wouldn’t look so happy if you failed, right? You’re not a total psychopath.

“How did you-” 

His words are cut off from his mouth, all air kicked out of his body once he feels you so close, the soft skin of your lips pressed up against his in a happy kiss. He’s startled, to say the least. His cheeks are reddening in the instance and he doesn’t even know if time stopped or if it’s just the rising anxiety and excitement in his chest, but he bites down the confusion and kisses you back finally, closing his eyes and bringing you close by your shoulders. The kiss is a little sloppy and messy, but he doesn’t mind-- all that’s occupying his mind right now is you, your sweet lips, your mouthy kiss, your excited hands creeping up around his neck, your bag that fell to the ground next to his feet, your exam paper marked with the big red A+ flying around the two of you when you let it fall from your grasp, your hair tickling his cheeks, you, you, you.

There’s only you. In the air he breathes, in the ground he walks on, in his hands and on his mind. You’re everywhere. Intoxicating.

You pull away from him after a while, grinning at him. It still manages to startle him a little-- how just the small gesture can light up his whole world, how your smile can make him feel like he’s the luckiest person on this earth. He sees stars in your eyes and he wonders who put them there, hoping to be the one, believing he could finally be the one, with how you look at him and hold him in your arms-

but it’s Felix’s life we’re talking about. There’s only you, you, you and maybe somewhere, far away in the distance, there could even be him, but who’s always there for sure is Han Jisung.

Han Jisung staring at the two of you from the open door, mouth agape in shock. Han Jisung with trembling hands, Han Jisung with his books clutched close to his chest as Felix’s heart drops and reality finally hits him. You were never supposed to be his to kiss. You were supposed to be Jisung’s-- his roommate’s, his best friend’s -- you fell for him long, long ago and that’s how it’s always been. 

He opens his mouth to say something, anything, to comfort his dear friend that looks like he’s heart’s being broken, but he finds no words in him to console his actions. He feels bad, he feels so, so guilty when their eyes meet, but he doesn’t manage to say anything before Jisung turns around the corner and leaves. 

The sound of Jisung’s quick steps is the only thing resonating in Felix’s mind like a bell, a signal for him that he fucked up, he did a really, really bad thing. 

His insides clutch and eyes water in the empty college corridor when he wonders,

is this how it feels to break someone’s heart?

You kick the small rocks beneath your feet, gazing into the distance. The cold in your bones makes you shudder, your eyes trailing around the neighbourhood so foreign to you, putting your hands into your pockets so you shelter your fingers from the frozen air. You think how this place looks exactly as you imagined it to-- tall apartment complex and a single big tree in front of it, the cars parked in the driveway obviously having their spot as the neighbours have lived together for a long time to know not to park anywhere else, because it’s more efficient this way. 

You’re waiting and waiting, hoping to see the one you’re waiting for soon, because you doubt your confidence will last you for any longer if you don’t talk to him now. You could lie and tell yourself it’s okay and that you’re not nervous at all, but after Jisung ran away the other day and his roommate followed him a few moments later, you feel nervousness creeping into your skin after not seeing or hearing from Felix for three days now. 

You remember him telling you that he likes to go for late-night convenience store runs every evening to get his favorite snacks. It wasn’t hard to find out where he lives-- it’s the 21st century, for god’s sake. You asked a friend of his friend and here you are, waiting  for him to appear in the door of his apartment complex, ready to talk to him about the events of this week.

Once you hear the door opening, you feel your head snap to its direction quicker than the speed of light, knees almost getting weak at the sight of Lee Felix standing there, confusion written all over his face once his eyes meet with yours. The frown forming on his face only deepens your stress as you wonder if he didn’t want to see you today, which, considering the fact that he’s been ignoring you for the past few days, might just be the case, but it still makes your heart break just a little when you hear him sigh once he makes his way over to you, the sound of his sneakers on the ground being the only thing heard in the middle of the night.

All the snow has melted-- as if all the bright things have left just in time with it, leaving you sad and cold, the clouds of your breath hitting the cold air being the only thing reminding you of the weather as you feel your body heating up in his presence. 

“Can we talk?” you ask, voice steadier than you expected it to be.

“I- I mean,” he starts, a shaky and husky voice hitting your ears, signaling that he probably hadn’t spoken to anyone for a long time now, “you’re already here, so I guess…”

You nod at him, averting your gaze quickly to the ground, when you realise you suddenly don’t know what to say. You try to search for words, yet none come out of your mouth. Your mind is blank and it seems like his presence took away all your vocabulary, but deep on the inside, you know damn well that if you don’t speak up now, you won’t have a second chance and you really have to get it now.

“Why- why…” you mutter, “why did you leave without saying anything the other day?” you ask.

The silence is overwhelming as you start to hate the sound of your own breath, opting to hold it for a few seconds as you await his response. 

“I mean, isn’t it obvious?” 

You shake your head in confusion, finally meeting his eyes again. “No.”

“Jisung… Jisung saw us. I didn’t feel like it was right,” he explains, cracking his knuckles in a nervous habit you noticed in him a long, long time ago when he first tried to teach you how to cheat in class without getting caught.

“What does he have to do with anything?”

“You two like each other.” he says bluntly, taking you off-guard.

The moment these words come out of his mouth, you realise not one, but two things. One of them is fairly new to you, the fact that Han Jisung liked you back was something you never knew you could experience, but even though you should be flattered, you realise it no longer holds a meaning in your heart. The second thing is connected to the first-- and that is, Lee Felix doesn’t know that you like him now. His foolish, silly mind convinced him you were still in love with his best friend, his confused and frustrated brain didn’t let him realise that for a long, long time now, the freckled boy in front of you has been the only one you thought about when you were falling asleep at night.

You don’t even know when it happened. You guess it just did. You wondered how it’d feel to know what exactly made you fall for Felix, what that moment was, but something inside of you is telling you that maybe, it was even more wonderful this way. Unexpected, but totally reasonable.

“Why would I be kissing you if I still liked Jisung?” you ask, the fear of directly confessing to him and getting rejected creeping up in your shadow.

“I- I don’t know-”

“Exactly.” you cut him off before he rambles and manages to find a stupid, silly reason in his head to justify his wrong expectations. You know how he is-- if he overthinks things hard enough, he’ll surely find an answer. There’s none, though, so you don’t dare to give him time to think about it and ponder on the thought for any longer.

“But that doesn’t matter now anyway,” he shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets.

You wonder what’s going on inside of his head right now. You wonder if he regrets what he’s done-- if he wants to turn back time and never let you kiss him. The nerves make you bite down harshly on your bottom lip and you only catch yourself when you feel iron in your mouth, quickly licking your own wound on the surface of your mouth and take a deep breath in. 

“Why?” you ask. 

“Why would it?” he says, eyes boring into yours.

“Because… I thought it meant something to you? I mean, it meant a lot to me, at least. That’s why I’m even here in the first place,” you chuckle airly, feeling your throat get dry.

“I’m not saying that it didn’t, I just think it had no point.”

His words feel like knives thrown into your chest, like a fire burning the pit of your stomach. You feel your legs getting weaker at his arguments, your fingers harshly tugging at the skin of your cuticles hidden in your pockets. You don’t trust your voice to sound steady this time when you speak, but you don’t care. Maybe it’s time to show your real emotions. Maybe it will change Felix’s mind.

“And why is that?”

“Because people like you don’t date people like me. You’re supposed to be in love with Jisung. You’re supposed to be dating him, he’s supposed to date you. You’re too good for me anyway.” he shrugs.

“Is this all about Jisung?” you ask, eyebrows furrowed.

You watch Felix sharply inhale in and out, averting his eyes from your figure. The distance between the two of you is unnatural, as if to singal how the two of you are slowly drifting apart. You see him fold his hands on his chest, preparing for what he’s about to say.

“It hurt him, back then. And I hate that. He loves you and I just.. I can’t do that to him, when I know  how much he cares about you.” he says.

Love is a strange thing. You hear Felix say how much Jisung loves you, but is that really true? Does Han Jisung even know you? The real you?

Does Jisung know how you look with your mouth full of fries and a greasy forehead? Does he know how you look when you’re stressed out of your mind because of finals? Does he know your favorite bistro, does he know your favorite movie? Did you cuddle up with Jisung on the couch just because you wanted to be close to him, comfort him and tell him you’re there just a few days after Christmas? 

Or does he just know the self you put up in front of him when you went to meet him? The put-together you that cares even about the sound of your own laugh, not wanting it to sound ugly in his ears? 

Han Jisung can’t love you. He doesn’t even know you.

And you never loved him-- just for the same reason. The feelings you had for him were merely a feeling of attraction, so far away from love.

But now you know how you feel about Felix, how his smile lights up the world and how his presence makes you feel understood. How even the silence with him speaks louder than a million words, how he knows you like the back of his hand and how he treats you like his closest friend. You know that what you feel when you’re with him is stronger than anything you ever have and although it used to scare you for a moment, now you’re ready to embrace it and live with it, if he lets you.

Lee Felix doesn’t tell you he loves you. Maybe you can see it in his eyes.

Why does he have to put everything above love? Why does he care about Jisung more than you? It’s breaking your heart. 

“Felix… I’m sure he’d understand. He’s a good person. I’m sure he’d want you to be happy.”

“Y/N, you don’t understand-”

“He’s a grown adult!” you yell out, the built-up emotions coming to the surface in the form of frustration, your words sunding spiteful and angry. Maybe you are furious, maybe you are full of fire right now, but it’s all because of the boy in front of you and the things he refuses to let himself enjoy.

“Why do you even care about it so much, huh? I was your fucking second choice all along anyway!” 

You look at him in shock, your eyes watering at the sight of the frown sitting on his face. Something inside of you breaks and you think it’s safe to say it was your heart, choking you up as you shake your head in disapproval. 

“Felix-” you protest, but there’s no use.

You see him turn around on his heel, opening the door to the apartment complex and leaving. It feels like you’re losing him, it feels like he’s gone forever. He turned his back on you, refusing all the love you were willing to give him, all the love you were offering to him right here, your heart in your hands.

He gave up on your love.

People in movies go out to party after a break-up to get drunk and numb their feelings. They either go to the club or go to a stupid college party, which is, coincidentally, your case today, but you’re not here to get drunk tonight. You’re not here to drown out your feelings and numb your pained soul-- you’re simply here to try to have some fun.

Your mum told you long, long ago that happiness is a choice. You could argue with her and tell her that depression and heartbreak aren’t a choice and that they, by themselves, are causing people the most sadness, but you had to give your mum a point. If you don’t choose to try, if you don’t do anything to at least try to stimulate your own brain, you can’t expect happiness to find you by itself. That’s just, sadly, not how life works, and you weren’t going to drown out in your own tears just because of Lee fucking Felix, because if you weren’t worth trying for him, he’s not worth any of your tears.

You appear on Lee Haechan’s end of the semester party. You have A+ finals to celebrate and although you would be much happier to drink to them with the one that basically helped you get through the semester, you won’t pass the chance to socialize. You worked hard and you did a good job-- you deserve a party. Alcohol truly isn’t the best for your brain, but you will just decide to call it selfcare. It’s not like you’re getting blacked-out drunk tonight anyway.

You manage to have small talk with a few people from your class. Though it’s not exactly what’s stimulating your brain, you don’t mind it. You barely know these people and you couldn’t care less, but you guess this is the downside of socialising. 

The alcohol in your veins doesn’t give you a chance to loosen up, though. You only feel your body warmer with the beer hitting your system, but your feelings still taste of salt, your brain not cooperating with your grandiose happiness plan and you think the people talking to you notice, since no one really tries to keep you in a conversation long enough when you start to absently nod at them and pay zero attention to what they’re saying. You don’t blame them, though. You’d probably do the same in their place.

Your feet move their way to the front door when you decide that maybe your mum wasn’t right, completely ready to go home and pity yourself for a few more days before coming back to life, when a familiar voice calls you from behind, making you freeze in your spot.

“Y/N, long time no see.”

Han Jisung watches you with glossy eyes, yet he tries to look nonchalant at the sight of you. It doesn’t feel like his heart is breaking when he sees you right here and there, chewing on your bottom lip, more or less, it feels numbing to his heart and his head. It’s like he expected it all from the start-- the outcome that once so surprised him. But after all this time he spent overthinking and dwelling on the memory of seeing you kissing his best friend, it made sense to him. 

“Jisung…”

He can see your eyes growing worried when you watch over him and he mentally slaps himself for not handling his emotions with more care back then. He could have spared you a lot of pain and trouble if he hadn’t reacted in such a way in the doorway of your classroom, but the truth is, Han Jisung hadn’t really known just how much a true heartbreak feels and nothing could ever prepare him for the physical pain numbing his chest. He didn’t know it could hurt so much. 

He doesn’t want to worry you. You are still his friend, after all, right? That’s all you always have been and he should have understood it from the first moment he saw you gaze at his friend so lovingly in the university halls one day. He thinks you, yourself, didn’t even recognise the emotion in you when you watched over Felix with so much care, with so many stars in his eyes and a big grin on your face. He could never compare himself to Felix.

He doesn’t want to worry you anymore, and so he decides to talk to you like a friend would. You looked like you could use a friend tonight.

“How have you been?” he asks, smiling at you. He hopes his eyes convey the emotion he feels-- how after all this time, he still feels comfortable with you and desperately needs you to do the same. He can’t lose another friend. Not to love. 

That happens every single time. Truth be told, Jisung used to have a problem with differentiating true love from platonic feelings sometimes. He used to think he falls out of love just as quickly as he falls in, but the truth is that it was never even love at all. Sometimes, it was just pure admiration. Feelings for a friend. And he managed to ruin all his friendships just because he started dating them. 

And then, he just kept searching and searching for the right one, because no one ever felt right. No one ever made him feel loved, no one ever made him feel love. It felt suffocating, but so, so addicting. He could never give up on trying to find love.

And then he met you. And it finally made sense-- it finally felt right.

“I’m… I’m fine, thanks,” you say, smiling at him with that smile that still, admittedly, made his heart race and swell with love. He’s not afraid to call the emotion by its name. It doesn’t feel wrong. He used to think he wants it to stop, but the truth is, it still feels nice. 

Love feels like loneliness sometimes. It’s a bittersweet feeling. But it’s still so, so addicting.

“Are you sure?” he asks. He knows you. He knows when something’s wrong.

He also knows your eyes have been searching for his roommate for the past few minutes of your conversation. He knows you want to meet him and avoid him all at once, love him and leave him-- it was a paradox. 

He knows his roommate way too well, though. He knows he can’t fall out of love with you. He knows, though, that he’ll never act upon it. Lee Felix has always been the sweetest person in this whole entire world-- putting the needs of others before his own. He can’t keep doing this to himself.He can’t keep doing this to you.

“I think you know the answer, Jisung. Why do you keep asking, then?” you bitterly snicker, going around him and escaping the noisy house. Jisung doesn’t know if you want to leave, if you want to escape his presence, but he can’t leave you just like that, and so he follows you outside, seeing you sitting at the doorstep, as if you were waiting for him.

“You don’t have to think of me, you know that, right?” he says once he takes a seat next to you, watching your expression change into a pained one. 

“It’s… I don’t know. It’s complicated. And Felix- he doesn’t think it’s right. I can’t force him into anything. It was his choice anyway,” you mutter. Jisung sighs heavily, the feeling your words on his chest heavy and solemn. He hates the fact that he is standing in the way of your happiness. He hates the fact that he is the problem, the invisible wall keeping you two from each other. 

“It’s simple, though.” he shrugs.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. He takes it upon himself to explain before you begin to tell him that it’s not, opting to open your eyes on his own.

“You two are in love with each other. So you should be together. Isn’t that simple?” he asks, smiling at you subtly.

You scoff and shake your head. “He gave up on us.”

“Did he, or did he just do what he felt was right?” Jisung argues. “You can’t keep hiding from each other. You can’t keep trying to ignore your feelings just because I like you. That’s not fair for either of you.”

You don’t argue with him this time. He wonders what’s going on inside of your head at the moment, with your eyebrows furrowed and your bottom lip trapped in your teeth. You look just like all the times he watched you during your tutoring sessions-- focused and lost in thought. It will feel weird to not see you in that way anymore, but he has to try.

The same way Lee Felix always tried for him.

“You’re too sweet, Han Jisung. What a shame our timing’s off.” you say, bitterness coating your voice. He looks up at you again, wondering what your words mean. “I used to like you back then, you know,” you smile.

Here it is, the strange emotion again. The emotion of almost physical pain, a hand squeezing his heart, a knife stabbed into his back. It feels like his world is crumbling down on him, because he’s stupid-- so stupid. He could have had you back then. He could have been with you all this time, only if he wasn’t late. He missed his biggest chance, the biggest opportunity, the happiest time of his life. All because he was too hesitant. 

He didn’t deserve you anyway.

“But now your timing’s right with Felix. Don’t waste that,” he says, biting through the pain.

Because the truth is, if anyone deserved love, it was his roommate. The one that refused you for him, the one that rejected you for him, the one that set him up on a date with you even though you invited him in the first place. The one who gave up on his love only so he wouldn’t hurt his friend. You could say that Jisung was too good for this world, but Lee Felix is the one that deserves the whole entire world, in his eyes.

Maybe these two were just too good of friends. Caring about the other one twice as much as about themselves. And that’s exactly why Jisung will get over this-- he’ll push you to his friend. So he could be happy, finally. 

“Jisung, I don’t know-”

“Do it,” he cuts you off, “reach out to him again. Try it. For me.”

y/n: meet me at the 8Bistro at 9 

Felix can’t believe himself when he finds his legs moving to the direction of the bistro at the edge of the town. He knows it’s the last one on your list, the one you invited him to so you could celebrate your finals in and he finds himself wondering if he could have gone here with you earlier only if the two of you didn’t share that kiss back then.

That damned kiss he couldn’t stop thinking about for the last few days-- even weeks, every time he opened his eyes in the morning and closed them when he was about to sleep. It kept following him like a curse, a thing he couldn’t escape, as if it was testing him like the snake tested Eve in paradise. Foreign fruit. 

You’re sitting there already when he arrives, fingers playing with each other as you gaze at the door in expectation. He sees your usual order already on the table, assuming you got here early, but it’s untouched as your knee bumps up and down under the table and you bite down harshly on your bottom lip.

He takes a seat, allowing himself to look at you again after such a long time. It feels like it’s been ages, yet you still look the same to him-- the same beauty that hit him when he first met you and shared his biggest secret with you.

“Why aren’t you eating? You have to finish off your list,” he mumbles awkwardly, motioning to the food at the table.

“I wanted to wait for you.” you say. Your voice is quiet, almost shy, when you speak to him. He wonders just how much he fucked up that it made you act this way. He knows it’s probably a lot, but considering he’s sitting here right now, he can still fix it.

At least he hopes so. 

“Did you.. Do you want to talk to me about something?” he asks, nervosity filling his veins as he feels his hands form a little swimming pool with just how much he’s sweating.

“Yes,” you nod, taking a deep breath in and out. He wonders if you’re just as nervous as he is. The answer is probably yes, considering your tense shoulders and restless legs, but he doesn’t comment on it as he watches you begin speaking again. “I wanted to tell you that I’m- I’m in love with you. And that it’s for real, and it’s for you and no one else,” you start, quickly wetting your lips and continuing again, “and I know you must feel like a second choice, or like you weren’t important to me at all, but that’s not true.”

“You helped me so much, really, but the more I hung out with you, the more I realised just how wonderful you are. And how your heart is so big, how you’re fun to be around…” you ramble, taking Felix by surprise with your heart-felt monologue, “and that Jisung is not the one for me, because, well, it was just.. it was just a crush. I didn’t know him. He didn’t even know me that well. Crushes… they don’t mean anything. They’re silly. But what I have with you, Felix…” you say, drifting your eyes away from him for a second,

“I know you. The real you. And you know me. You’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve seen me struggle and you know exactly how to help. You know me and I know you and the feelings I have for you are much more than a silly crush. I love you, Felix. And I don’t want to just forget about us.” you complete and Felix swears he can feel his eyes watering at your words. He chooses not to speak up, afraid of his voice breaking, afraid he’s going to embarrass himself in front of you. His emotions got the best of him and right here and now, no one else matters. 

It’s you. You that feels like home, you, the only girl he’s ever loved. You, the only girl that ever loved him back, you, who he foolishly rejected. 

You’re everywhere. In his veins, in his heart, in his foolish, stupid mind.

“Felix… I don’t want you to give up on us.” 

He looks up, seeing your sincere eyes and a look full of worry. You seem so wonderful to him, even now. You’re everything he’s ever dreamt of, a home without a roof and walls. With you, he feels at ease. He trusts you. He’s never felt this way for anyone before.

He watches you and he hears your laugh, he hears your whines when he used to tease you so much. He hears the sound of your memories when he chased you around in the snow. He hears the opening song of Howl’s moving castle, reminding him of the warmth he felt when you hugged him so close that evening.

He used to want to hate you. He should have known that could never be the case.

You’re all he needs-- all he wants. You’re everywhere he looks, in every beauty of the world and in everything that’s dear to him. 

You, you, you, you.

And so he decides-- it’s time to change his plan.

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 1) hold her hand, 2) get rid of the guilt, 3) lean in and kiss her.

“Does that mean you’re giving us a chance?” you ask, hopeful eyes glaring at him with millions of stars in them, sparkles swimming around in perfection.

“We’ll talk after you eat. You have a yelp review to write,” he laughs.

“Feli-”

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 4) shut her up by forcing french fries into her mouth.

“I love you too.”