#a good portion is about wishing idols safety

[juds2023]

This is an article about the recent comments from the UN Chief Antonio Guterres. Guterres touched on all parts of the conflict including condemning Hamas and wishing safety towards the victims living in the Gaza Strip. However, the main portion of the speech is calling out the actions of Israel. Un states that international laws were being broken by Israel and that the UN were in the works of setting up relief for the Palestinian civilians living in the Gaza Strip.

To me, this speech sounds like the biggest half-ass attempt to say what the UN was supposed to say. Guterres seemed to be giving off idol threats toward Israel and it appears to be nothing but a slap on the wrist. Ideally, what can the UN do to stop Israel? Cut off support? The UN can sit back and claim to be actively monitoring Israel but I just don't believe they will do anything to stop Israel's tactics at this point in time. To be fair to the UN, it is hard to do much when Russia does not cooperate. It also does not help that they are also dealing with terrorists here. Still, I would love to see the UN with an actual attempt at solving this problem instead of giving a very safe statement to make everyone feel good.

[themsource]

Hi! I'm new to fandom and I am going around asking different creators if they have any advice for me if that's okay

First off congrats, that's really awesome that you've discovered a passion for something enough to engage in the fandom space! ❤ I hope you have a wonderful experience in whatever fandom you're joining ^^ (If it's UT—YAY! XD lol)

Anywho, sure I can give some. But uh, it'll be derived from what I've experienced and won't be pretty. There's nothing guaranteeing you'll experience it at all as I have but still it has some stuff I wish I'd been told before getting heavily involved and learning stuff the hard way.

Placing it below a cut so people can easily avoid reading if they wish.

Be careful who you interact with. (People that frequently bad mouth others—make callout posts with no hard evidence.) And don't take someone's word on a person's character as truth.

You could become a victim of callout posts/drama no matter if you've spoken to the person or not. If it's someone you've been talking to a while or have only been kind to in interactions. Unfortunately people can be quick to jump on anything that has the slightest possibility of being taken negatively and spin it that way even if there's no ill intent or maliciousness behind it. Or they can paint you as negative just because.

You will face labels such as "Problematic" or "Toxic" to name a few, and once you get associated with those you'll see that a large portion of a fandom can and will blacklist you over it for their own mental safety, and/or to avoid potential drama you carry with you by probable association (such as "my idol creator hates you so I will too so they don't dislike me." or "I heard from someone that you think people that like this shipxship are stupid, and I like that ship so no bueno." Etc.)

Things I've said that people have called me "problematic" to my face for over the years:

"It's entitled and selfish for a following/fan base to get upset because the creator wants to explore a new genre the fanbase isn't comfortable with or used to, especially when they've labeled and warned so it can be avoided. Those aren't real fans or supporters."

"I ship Frans."

"The content you make doesn't matter when it comes to fiction. It's not real and neither are the characters. It's dumb if someone judges you over it."

"I don't believe hearsay without proof." (Twitter drama for example about someone)

"Denying where an idea comes from just so you can feel valid and good about yourself is wrong, especially if you're wrong in what you thought you knew and just don't want to admit it."

"I just wanted to be a Hufflepuff."

"I love pinapple on pizza."

"He said, she said, is a political debate. Because all it is is throwing words and accusations around without any evidence to back it."

"Chara is evil."

"Fluff is nice but sometimes you just need really dark unhinged stuff to balance it out otherwise it'll get bland."

"You can like content and not like the creator. And vice versa. I will always separate the art from the artist."

"I don't believe in the term 'problematic' when it comes to fiction."

"Toriel was just as much in the wrong as Asgore was."

There's probably more but these are the ones I was made aware of.

Other labels that have been pushed on me because of what was said above that fall under "problematic": P*do, Weirdo, Freak, R*p Apologist, Transp*be, and Exclusionist just to name a few.

Though none of those labels remotely align with my personal views and stances. It won't matter to a lot of people though if you've been "warned" for with those labels used. This world currently is very "Guilty until proven innocent" instead of "Innocent until proven guilty." Which means it'll be very hard or impossible to change someone's mind especially if they were "warned" by a friend.

You'll also find a lot of people will isolate and detach from you if you disagree on something such as how you view a certain creator or their work, so a lot of the time people will keep their mouth shut just to fit in or to not experience rejection, or will go so far as to say things they don't mean to appear as if agreeing. This is called an "echo chamber" and if you don't fit it, you'll likely get booted. Be prepared for people to maybe DM saying they agree with you, but ultimately not speaking up for fear of backlash for themselves. If someone does speak up? Cool! That's an awesome person and you are lucky to have found them.

So am I problematic given the examples above? To some maybe, others no, some definitely yes, and everyone has the risk of being viewed that way too. Thankfully just like most things in this world though, online you'll find not everyone will share the same viewpoint or opinion. You will undoubtably find at least one person that won't care how others label you.

I have a really small, really closed, friend group. There are six people I know for sure are lifelong friends that I've made through fandom. They took the time to get to know me, listened to my views even if they disagreed and did so amicably (as I've done too), and if there was an issue always talked to me about it. Six may not seem like much but you'll find a smaller number of people who truly understand you vs a crowd that you have to say the "right thing" or make the "right content" for is so much more fulfilling.

The golden rule is something I try to live by: "Treat others the way you want to be treated."

And the best way to determine that is through interaction. If they reciprocate the golden rule that is a positive indicator that they might be safe to interact and eventually open up to. It's best to decide for yourself what a person's character is like and if they're safe rather than having others decide for you by word of mouth, including the very person themselves because you'll find a lot of people in fandom tend to have terrible self confidence.

Unless there's hard proof like an admittance or gloat that someone can provide, then oh boy—the block button is a friend.

Personally, I've learned it's best to just post your stuff, give someone a like or reblog here and there, and answer any legit asks if they're received to try avoiding unnecessary conflict. But that's just me.

Don't get involved in "picking sides". (You're with us or against us nonsense)

This is a quick way to get you avoided and blacklisted because you'll either disturb someone's echo chamber or you'll be seen as a drama mama when people are here for content and fun, not the latest issue or gossip going on.

The world isn't black and white, and that includes the issues and viewpoints in it. It's shades of grey. By viewing it as black and white you leave no room for nuance, and people that use the "with us or against us" arguments so vocally expect 100% percent compliance or none. You're not allowed to agree on one thing pertaining to a topic but disagree on another thing on the same topic because then "you're adding to the problem".

Now this isn't to scare you into thinking that you can't trust someone you want to be friends with by opening up to them with your opinions. No, please do, that's how friendships are made, but if you feel like there is the slightest risk they'll drop you like a sack of potatoes then you probably shouldn't. It's 50/50 gamble sometimes. And if they do well they weren't your friend to begin with and you're better off without them. Bizarrely some in the "with us" camp believe having you around with a viewpoint they can't stand will somehow influence them in a way they don't want. Which is honestly just ridiculous to me because that eliminates the principle of free thought and will.

So I advise just enjoying the content you see and making it yourself if that's what you want to do. Don't turn yourself into an advertisement board for free harassment from those who actively want to pick a fight and make you look like a bad person somehow on top of it. Some get joy out of just destroying people.

Ignore the trolls

Every fandom has trolls. People who like to give shit and bully just for fun (for them) aka harassment. This can include "kys" messages or other negative things in your inbox from anons, comments on your post bashing a ship though it was clearly marked so it could be avoided, etc. These come in all ages and demographics, from minors and yes even from grown ass adults in their 40s and up. Sadly trolls can't be avoided no matter how popular you are or how wholesome the stuff you engage with is. You could be a mute virgin nun and still be attacked for something.

The only thing you can do is ignore them. If they get bad, really bad like do doxing (the exposure of your real identity), report them. They've been around since even before the invention of the internet and will be around even after.

Don't take being blocked or muted personally.

Some just block or mute to avoid content they don't like, and with how algorithms work on certain websites just you liking something without reblogging or sharing can make it show up on their feed, especially if you share mutuals or are gaining traction in a tag or whatever. This doesn't mean they dislike you personally.

And if you find someone does block or mute you over a comment you made recently or what have you, still don't get hung up over it. Chances are you probably wouldn't have a very productive conversation in the first place. Unless it's a case of misunderstanding since online text boxes can be too limited to get your meaning across, then I rec either reaching out a quick message via an alt to clear it if you truly care enough about the person.

But don't ever try to not be yourself just to please someone. If after talking they still want nothing to do with you based on differences in views, drop it. It'd just stress you out in the long run to linger over it.

And if you make an honest mistake, sometimes people will hold that against you, but it's best to just let that go too, because not everyone will hold that against you, and given time a few will get over it and even see where you were coming from after the anger dies down. Mistakes happen and they will happen. You can't hold that against yourself. Tagging can be confusing, the wrong word could be used when describing something, etc.

Just stay calm, take a deep breath, and compose yourself before you react. It's a mistake, not the end of the world. Let people block that need to block, don't take it personally because odds are they're hurt just like you are, apologize where you can, and just try to do better.

In the great words of The All-American Rejects, move along.

Don't do DNIs if you can help it (Do Not Interact lists)

I don't recommend having DNIs, I see it as a bar to what could otherwise be a good friendship so long as you simply tell them your boundaries.

DNIs can be taken as a red flag by some that if you see anyone that fits the labels you choose for your list that you automatically see them as a bad person, regardless of nuances or discussion, and that you'll likely target them for harassment if you come across them in a mutual's post or share a space for a community event. Obviously this is for the mundane labels, I've seen people list "Apple Lovers" (yes the fruit), and Vegetarians, to name a few.

I'm not saying that people who use DNIs will harass, just that I've seen it happen and have been targeted over it too as have others.

Seriously harassment can and will happen from anywhere, it's the internet, better prepared than not though.

But if you really feel you need one to feel safe. Please make sure you research the true meanings and definitions behind the labels you select. Otherwise people will stare out of confusion, or block you over more misunderstandings.

Have fun

Create and curate, for you.

Make the type of stuff you want to make or engage with without fear of judgement. Be shameless in what you enjoy because that's the only true way you'll enjoy being in a fandom. People will judge you anyways, no matter what, so don't get hung up on it.

Out of my friends there's some that absolutely loathe some of the content and ships I enjoy, so they don't follow my socials to avoid that content, but they still encourage me to be happy and to keep "doing me" with what I write or draw, because they know my character isn't reflected in my consumption. And the right people will see that with you, and encourage you if you're honest and happy with yourself even if they may disagree with it or not.

This is the most important bit of advice I want to give. Given the other stuff I know it may seem overwhelming but trust me it really is worth it in the end once you find a rhythm, and pretty soon after enough time you'll find yourself roiling your eyes over the other stuff when you've reached a place of comfort and contentment. Because once you have that none of the other stuff matters. Ultimately that's what every decent person strives for in a fandom. It may be easy or it may be difficult to reach but it's possible.

No one can hurt you when you're having fun and you're happy with yourself. Words will roll off like water on plastic after a point and trolls/bullies will largely disappear if they realize their name calling and words can't hurt you or sow doubt.

You also won't feel as lonely if you don't receive interaction on something once in a while because you'll still feel the joy from having made it. That's another thing, don't join a fandom just for attention and validation from others. That's the number one way to find disappointment and to end up dropping from a fandom in the end other than simply losing your hyper fixation after a while.

With that I wish you luck! Sorry if this was long winded ^^ and please don't take this as a be all end all guide, this is all just personal opinion and interpretation meant to help. (I also am terrible at discussing my thoughts cohesively and accurately so I apologize if anything is confusing.)

I hope you live your best fandom life, I'm rooting for you. ❤

[bejun]

𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐆𝐄𝐍  ! 𝙿𝙴𝚁𝙵𝙾𝚁𝙼𝙰𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚂𝙾𝙻𝙾

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇, 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑 Jun performs HOT by Vertex … 𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐒: Performance Ref. | Line Distribution, Outfit & Intro Ref. 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 1276 words

Sizzle... POP tsssss... 

The sounds of cooking fill the kitchen, and yet the sky outside is dark, the city around him asleep. He’d needed to relax, and unwind—there was only one last day of practise ahead of him. Jun doesn’t know how many more weeks there are left of Next Gen, but if he’s going to come out on top, he can’t let his energy, his effort, his absolutely relentless will waver at all. So, he’s taking a moment to breathe, recentering himself as he stands over the stove cooking spam to add to the ingredients he was preparing for budae jigae that he’d cook in the morning and leave for Ollie. Something about cooking for his loved ones always made him feel better, as though the world around him stopped turning for a while, to let him soak up the scents and the sounds. He’s got quiet music playing, not too loud, as he doesn’t want to wake Ollie, but loud enough to make him feel like he’s the only person awake in the world right now. 

Junho needs these moments of respite, away from the stresses of the past couple months. Time seems to fly by—it seems only yesterday he was signing up for the show. Now, here he is, weeks in, and so much pressure on his shoulders that he’s worried he’d get chronic back pain. But, he keeps going. He’s going to keep walking this path, never slowing, until he reaches his goal. Seo Junho doesn’t give up, no matter what. He could be an idol, something he’d always wanted to be, or he could let himself slack off and accept his fate of being nothing more than a man in a lab studying stars that he could never reach. 

It’s that thought that keeps him going when he pushes through the final day of practise. There’s a tense edge to his voice at some points, when he reminds his group how much time they have left to get this perfect. But, when their break for lunch comes, Jun surprises them all when he carries in a precarious mountain of food containers, making multiple trips until a good portion of the practise room floor is covered in them. He’d ordered them all lunch from a nearby, somewhat fancy restaurant as a ‘thank you’, and ‘well done’. He wishes he’d had time to cook for them all, but this is the second best thing, he decides, as he sits down with his team to tuck into a well-deserved meal together. 

Then, like grains of sand slipping through his fingers, the day passes him by and he finds himself awakening the next morning, nervous, but well rested and ready to give it his all. There’s a mild ache in his limbs before he steps into the shower that morning, a familiar one that he embraces. The scalding hot water melts away the tension, relaxes his muscles, and he steps out with a desperate hopefulness clinging to the inside of his ribcage. “You can do this.” He reassures himself as he sets off, hoping that today won’t be his downfall. Jun wonders if after giving it his all for so long, he might burnout—then scoffs at the thought. You can’t burnout of hope. 

Preparations for the performance are a whirlwind of poking, prodding, last minute alterations and sneakily hidden safety pins. Somehow, getting his hair and makeup done isn’t that foreign to him, not after a certain ex turned him into her own personal Ken doll. Frankly, he quite enjoys it, watching himself transform in a mirror from a tired, grumpy university student, to a man who could, if you looked at just the right angle, be arguably handsome. He’d never considered himself particularly good looking, but somehow the stylists managed to make even him see something positive about his appearance. It’s nice, feeling confident about himself for a while. It’s not a familiar feeling, but one that he tries to grasp onto, despite how delicate and ghostly it feels beneath his fingertips. 

Jun stands on the stage, lights low as they find their positions, and he takes slow, deep breaths, looking at each of his teammates and trying to smile at them, even in the darkness. Somewhere, deep down, he remembers that self-serving feeling of wanting to win above all else, the realisation that he’d step on anyone to get where he wanted to be... yet now, he thinks it’s perhaps dampened by the fondness he feels for some of the other contestants. He wants so many people to do well, and yet he still can’t make himself wish it at the expense of himself. He wants them all to do well, but if anyone goes down in flames, he doesn’t want to get burned in the process, so he takes the last few seconds to remind himself why he’s here, to tell himself he can do this. 

And then the music begins. 

Jun and Ren begins the song with powerful solo lines, and this is Jun’s first shot to capture the judges, and the audience at home with a piercing gaze into the camera. He’d been practising finding the cameras, had asked for advice on how to find the right one, and he thinks he’d managed it okay. It was important to brush up on every single aspect of a performance, and while he wasn’t setting aside bigger things like his voice and his body and his expressions for simply finding the right camera, he knew that it would help if he could. His teammates solo parts gives him time to get into position to lead the song after the intro. He stands in the front and meets a judges eyes as he delivers his lines and perfectly executes the choreography. 

Jun had learnt long ago not to let nervousness get the better of him. He’d never done as well when he felt nervous, or thought too much about what came next in the song. He trusted his muscle memory, and the amount of time he’d put into perfectly memorising it all. Having a good memory came in helpful when it came to lyrics, so while he’d felt nervous when he first set out practising the song, he simply enjoys the performance now, interacting with his teammates and the judges, remembering to never let himself fade into the background, even when he’s at the back of side of the group. When he’s not the focal point, he’s still being watched, and he knows he can’t slip up for even a second. 

Every move is precise and powerful, and thanks to the sleeveless shirt, his arm movements are even clearer. He’d been pleased when he’d first seen the outfit, knowing full well his arms were his best feature, thanks to all the boxing he did. Any chance to show them off was great in his eyes. 

Then, just as they’d begun the song, Jun and Ren finish it out together. Jun holds his pose, feeling his chest heaving, shoulders rising and falling, and a trickle of sweat tickle his inner arm, but after a few seconds, when they all relax, Jun looks over to his teammates and beams. While he’d been so focused on his own performance—so much so he’d not noticed if anyone messed up, they’d done it. They’d performed what they prepared and Jun knew they’d all given it their all and he was proud. It was strange, feeling like a genuine team with people he was in competition with, but he supposes high-stress situations can do unpredictable things to people. 

He’s just surprised it happened to make him a little nicer. 

[suju-bangtan]

5.5 earthquake happened in Pohang, South Korea not too long ago. People said you could feel aftershocks in Seoul. Everyone please stay safe!!!

If anyone has more recent/current info please let me know. I haven't seen much besides what's on Twitter.

[lesbianslovebts]

I’ll say this here since you’re a lovely person and give me good vibes.

I’m dynamite era Army... I literally came around the Yoongi situation in 2020 and things were so confusing at that time.

I still stayed for the boys. Their music and message. As a bonus I also got to know some amazing army friends.

But as a black ARMY... I’m honestly sick and tired of the fandom, being on Twitter is a constant trigger rn. I voiced my opinion about the Jk situation few months ago and I had literal death threats thrown at me, and now the Jhope situation again.

I just said as someone of his global influence, he should be more careful with his likes... and try to get the full context, specially if it’s an “apology” post, without just clicking away and leaving the fan world to turn in a battlefield.

I had to literally mute/block and report everyone because the way they came at me. Called me slurs, said I hated Jhope and how I should unstan since there’s no place for me in the fandom. Because how dare I voice my opinion, how dare I point fingers at an angel like Jhope. I must be the devil.

I’m so disheartened, not only by jhope’s carelessness but by the entire fandom. I feel so alienated. So hated. The antiblackness in the fandom is way too much it’s not even comprehensible.

I just feel living this entire place I genuinely feel it has a mistake to get into kpop and bts as a black person. These people hate us. The world hate us.

I’m just tired.

Thank you for sharing this with me. It means a lot that you would trust me with this, and my heart is with you. I don't really know where to begin or how to arrange my thoughts, so I apologize if I come across as disorganized.

I cannot even imagine how difficult it is to enjoy BTS's music and message of "love yourself, speak yourself" when such a large portion of the fanbase is robbing you of the opportunity to do so. How much worse it is, then, when BTS's conduct doesn't match up with their purported ideals, either. They've made mistakes. They continue to make mistakes. But the people who have put BTS on a pedestal would rather sacrifice their own integrity to defend their parasocial relationships than become disillusioned with their idols.

I don't know BTS any more intimately than any other fan. I can't apologize for them. I won't make excuses for them. And as a white person, I certainly can't forgive them for the antiblack things they've done directly or by proxy. What I try to do is view BTS as human beings capable of both good and bad. Any decisions they make or actions they take are solely their responsibility as grown adults. Like you, I also believe that they should be even more responsible, given their global influence.

I appreciate it when they do use their money and influence to support various causes, but I also know that, ultimately, they're a boy band, not activists with extensive knowledge of social justice issues. Does this excuse any of the mistakes they've made? No. Does this mean they don't have to educate themselves? Absolutely not. Just as I'm continuing to educate myself, I expect the same of them.

It's not my place to tell you what to think, feel, or do. I just hope that you make the best decision for your own wellbeing, whatever that may be. I wish you safety and serenity. Feel free to message me anytime.

[infinite-xerath]

Runeterra Retcons 5: Janna

Ah Janna: a classic example of League’s older champion design philosophy. While discussing a character’s actual appearance isn’t really my forte, nor is it the point of this series, I do feel like it’s an important aspect to bring up regardless. See, in my honest opinion Janna’s current lore state following the 2015 retcon was actually handled pretty well.

The issue I and many others have is that her design doesn’t really match her lore like, at all. They’ve redesigned her a bit for Wild Rift by giving her more clothes, but that, in my opinion, doesn’t really resolve the larger issue at hand. Before we can delve too deep into the current state of Janna’s lore, however, let’s take a step back and examine how she began as a Champion, and see where things went from there.

Alright, so her first lore portrays her as a mage so in-tune with wind magic that she effectively elevated herself to a higher state of being. At the time, this could easily have put her on-par with mages like Syndra, Zilean and Xerath: other characters who achieved higher states of being through pure skill and mastery of their craft. Sure, her outfit still looked like generic female fantasy get-up #347, but she her archetype was clear enough: wind mage.

Janna’s original lore is… OK. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but it’s fine for what it is: she’s a street orphan who quite literally elevates herself through sheer talent, and now wants to use her new power to help others in need. This was, of course, from a time when the regions of Runeterra weren’t what we know today, and Zaun was apparently more about rampant magics than twisted science. Even still, Riot would go on to update her bio once Zaun became a more science-focus region.

Alright, so this version of Janna is still more-or-less the same as the first, but a little more fleshed out. The most notable change, of course, is the fact that she tends to ally more with Piltover rather than her home due to Zaun’s pollution and reliance on chemtech. Keep in mind that this was a time in which Zaun and Piltover were literally two completely separate cities, as opposed to different layers of the same one. In fact, it could be said that the reason for Janna’s current lore state is because Piltover and Zaun have been retconned into what they are today.

Now, let me clarify that I’ve got no real issue with how Piltover and Zaun are portrayed in the current lore state; in fact, I much prefer what Riot has done with those two regions and how both factions have their ups and downs. In the modern lore state of Runeterra, Piltover is directly responsible for nearly all of the pollution in Zaun, and both sides have their share of dubious science experiments going on. In fact, it’s because of this particular change that Riot chose to retcon Janna once again, and this is where things get complicated.

Before we delve too deep into that particular subject, let’s take a look at Janna’s third, and final lore state in League, shall we? In this bio, Janna is retconned into being a proper wind spirit, rather than a human who simply became a really powerful wind mage. As I’ve said before: I really don’t mind this retcon. It tells a lot about how spirits function in Runeterra and offers some interesting insight into the founding of Piltover and Zaun as a double-layered city.

That said, this was an excellent opportunity for Riot to give Janna a proper VGU and make her into a more spiritual-looking entity, yet they instead chose to keep as a generic fantasy babe with extremely revealing clothing. I mean, look at how the other spirits in Runeterra manifest: Anivia is a giant bird made of ice, Ornn is a big flaming anthropomorphic ram, and the Kindred appear as humanoid ram with a bow and ghostly flying wolf head! Yeah, sure, her Wild Rift design looks BETTER, but it still just makes her look like a typical fantasy elf rather than a literal embodiment of the wind.

There’s also the issue that Janna’s outfit in both incarnations doesn’t do anything to associate her with the region she’s supposed to be tied to: Zaun and Piltover. If anything, her white outfit with the gold trimmings makes her look DEMACIAN. It’s really just a simple case of her design contrasting her lore and character concept: she doesn’t look like a spirit, and she doesn’t look like she’s from Zaun. All of this could have been fixed with a simple VGU, but it seems like this is the design Riot wants to stick with, and thus it is the design we’re stuck with.

So, with all of that said, let’s get into the fixes, shall we? My mission for this rewrite is actually fairly simple: I’m going to give Janna a backstory that maintains her current status as a protective wind deity while ALSO giving a better justification for her appearance. So, without further ado, I give you: my take on the story of Janna. Enjoy.

For ages, mortals have put their faith in the winds. From sailors praying for a good breeze in their sails to children playing with kites, the people of Runeterra have long relied on the wind to bring change, good fortune, and prosperity. Of course, for many the idea that the wind can truly hear such prayers is nothing but a superstition. Those who truly open their ears, however, may hear the wind answer back.

The spirit that would come to be known as Janna began as little more than a small breeze, blowing aimlessly around the southern coasts of Valoran. Every now and then, sailors wishing for a fair breeze would find their requests mysteriously granted, even when the air seemed still only moments prior. Rumors spread, and sightings of a small blue bird appearing just before strong wind became frequent tales among traders. Over time, praying to the Wind Bird became a common ritual for all peoples of the coast, and none held this tradition more fervently than the seafaring folk of Oshra Va’Zaun.

For years, people prayed to the Wind Bird for guidance and protection, building statues and carving charms in her honor. Their belief empowered the spirit further, and it was through them she acquired the name Zephir, meaning “Guardian of Wind.” When uttered by foreign tongues, however, they frequently mispronounced her name as ‘Zephyr.’

Worship of Zephyr became commonplace, until the emperor of Shurima decreed that all “false idols” were to be discarded and the people place their faith only in the Ascended. The temples dedicated to Zephyr in Oshra Va’Zaun were torn down, and yet people continued to carry trinkets depicting her in secret, especially on voyages out to sea.

When the empire fell and Shurima was torn asunder by warring Ascended, the people of Oshra Va’Zaun, now referred to simply as Zaun, prayed to Zephyr for protection. Though her power was lesser than what it had once been, Zephyr nonetheless did all she good to drive back the armies of the Ascended with fierce gales and raging storms. As the war drew to a close, peace finally returned to the people of Zaun, and yet Zephyr was surprised to find her power weakening. In the war’s aftermath, the people of Zaun grew ambitions, wishing to make their city more than just a bustling trade port.

A canal was carved through the isthmus separating Valoran and Shurima, uniting two seas as one. This, in turn, brought peoples from all lands to Zaun in pursuit of greatness, and thus the prayers for fair winds were drowned out by desires of wealth, advancement, and expansion. Soon, Zephyr found herself reduced once more to a faint breeze, drifting aimlessly along the coasts as the world seemed to forget her… That is, until she heard her name spoken on the wind.

The culprit was a young woman named Janna, who had come to Zaun from the far-away kingdom of Demacia. Janna had grown up on tales of the ancient past, devoting her life to studying Valoran’s many myths and legends. Among them, Janna was particularly fascinated by stories of an ancient protector of winds, whose name had been all but lost to time. As the city of Zaun continued its expansion, widening the canal in the process, Janna continued her studies of this fabled guardian, and her fascination only deepened whenever the wind blew past her, as though a presence were calling out to her…

Then, the canal reached its completion, and a grand ceremony was held to celebrate the event. Thousands attended to watch the grand opening of the Sun Gate, yet what should have been a celebratory occasion turned to disaster. Construction of the canal left many areas of Zaun unstable, and the rumblings of the Sun Gate caused whole portions of the city to collapse and fall into the sea. Zephyr watched helplessly as hundreds of mortals fought uselessly against the clashing currents. Many cried out for help, though it was one cry in-particular that caught the spirit’s attention: it was Janna, calling out Zephyr’s name even as water filled her lungs.

In that moment, Janna felt herself being held aloft by a powerful gale. The air itself seemed to speak to her, telling Janna that her faith alone could rekindle the ancient guardian’s power and save the people from calamity. Putting her trust in the wind, Janna allowed Zephyr’s power to course through her, manifesting a staff to control the spirit’s power as her own. As others watched this miraculous display, their faith, too, began to return. Bolstered by their pleas, Janna and Zephyr summoned a massive gale to carry the people of Zaun to safety, before collapsing back into the sea from exhaustion.

Time moved on, and as the city of Piltover was built atop the remnants of Zaun, Janna’s miraculous deed that day also passed into legend. Even still, many continue to tell her story, and the faithful can be found wearing small bird-shaped pendants to honor the ancient spirit that protects Zaun. For those who struggle against the toxic fumes the Zaun Gray, wrestle with the tyranny of chembarons, or face any number of perils, it is commonplace to offer prayers to the wind.

Sometimes, if one truly believes, she may just answer back.

And there we have it. As you’ll notice, I kept much of the early lore the same, with one key exception: the spirit’s name. Now, Zephyr has always been a part of Janna’s character, even though it’s never explicitly referenced in her prior lore states. Zephyr was conceived to be Janna’s familiar: it’s that little bird you see in the background of her splash art. You know, the one that hovers around her in-game?

In her new lore, they try to say that Janna and Zephyr are one and the same; the bird is just a weaker manifestation of her power, though the art and game imply that she can manifest as the bird AND the woman at once? In her kit, Janna’s passive ability is still described as “Janna launching her elemental at a target,” as though the bird is still supposed to be her familiar. So, I decided: what if we kept the spirit as the bird, and made Janna herself human again?

Admittedly, I would have liked to flesh out this Demacian Janna more as a character, and I had a few versions of this bio in which that was the case, but I decided to stick to having the story of the spirit be forefront because I felt that would be closest to Riot’s current vision of the character. Even still, the one part of her current bio that DOES irk me a little is how suddenly the people of Zaun all collectively start praying to Janna to save them. I mean, no one had prayed to Janna for literal centuries, so why would that be the first thing they thing to do in a situation of peril? I felt it would make more sense to have her come back because of the ONE person who still somewhat believes in those ancient stories, rather than hundreds of people all at once.

Now, admittedly, this next part might be a bit controversial to some. Janna fusing with Zephyr might seem like a bit of a cop-out, but I’d like to remind you all that people playing host to spirits is hardly a new concept in League; we have Udyr, Lee Sin, and Illaoi, just to name a few.  I also think that it ties in well with the concept of Janna’s original lore, where she was a human that basically elevated herself into being an air elemental. Fusing with spirits to become semi-immortal entities isn’t even that much of a stretch either, thanks to Yone’s lore (though he might be a topic for a future episode.)

As for the conclusion of the story, well… I know it’s a little vague. What actually happened to Janna after she passed out? Where is she now? I decided to leave that up in the air (no pun intended) because I wanted to keep Janna in the same current lore state Riot has her in: an entity of the wind known mostly through myths and stories who might occasionally pop up if people pray hard enough. Plus, you could probably expand on that with her accompanying color story, though we’re not going to be touching on Deep Breath right now.

So, that’s Janna, the Storm’s Fury… Ugh, OK, let’s address that elephant in the room really quick. That is an AWFUL title for her. It sounds like something more befitting of Volibear, or maybe even Kennen. It’s certainly not a fantastic title for a benevolent deity known for showing kindness rather than fury. Maybe change it to something like The Gale’s Mercy or The Will of the Wind.

But alright, in all seriousness, that’s my take on Janna. As always, feel free to share your own thoughts, opinions, and comments down below.

[sebthesnipe]

The Dreamer by Whatwashernameagain an Analysis? Chapter 2! Part 1

All portions:

Chapter 1: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

Chapter 2: Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4

The Dreamer

@whatwashernameagain

Guys! We finally made it to Chapter 2!!!! Prepare for the feelz!

As always, Spoilers under cut.

So… Lets recap what we know about Roman before we dig too deep into Chapter 2… We know that Roman is overzealous, hopeful to the point of naivety, innocent, sassy, playful/teasing, endearing, misguided and moral. He sees the good in everyone (especially Logan). Roman cares for each person individually, while Logan cares more for humanity as a whole. Lastly, Roman is pretty much the embodiment of hope for Logan and maybe the world. No pressure.

Okay… That’s pretty much what we know about Roman’s personality thus far… and he’s only been mentioned a few times… Not bad, not bad. Let’s get to it!

Eva wastes no time jumping right into Roman’s back story, though I’ll admit the first time I read this it gave me a bit of whiplash. We did just come out of a very dramatic scene, after all. Still as usual there is a lot to be said in the first para. First off, drawing the reader in within the first few lines is always a great idea and she manages it with; “Young Roman was shaking with righteous anger. How dare this – this fiend targeted the company of his father?” (Whatwashernameagain). This should send us into a whirlwind of emotions. We learn a lot about Roman and Roman’s father with these two sentences. First off, we see that Roman is very quick with his emotions which is not surprising at all, judging from what we have learned about him. However, when he uses the word ‘fiend’ in italics the inflection nods towards his overzealous nature which honestly warms my heart a bit. Once again, Eva is very strategic with her italics and beautifully so. We can assume that this ‘fiend’ is none other than one ‘Utilitarianist’ judging from the context of the previous chapter and the rivalry that we are already familiar with. But this begs the question: Why would Logan target Roman’s father unless he is a bad man? Well, I’d say the answer is in the question… But Roman obviously doesn’t believe that.

“He was the hardest working man in the world! His idol, his hero! He was donating to charity, pursuing a career in politics to support the attempts of the republican party to protect this great country’s safety and now he had to deal with an investigation into the state of his breeding facilities” (Whatwashernameagain).

This makes me… so sad. Roman obviously idolizes his father. He is a young man here, years before The Dreamer and it certainly shows in his naivety and innocence. As children many of us are fed information that our parents wish for us to believe or are simply told in order to stop us from questioning this or that. Some parents do this consciously while most don’t even think about it. It’s like when your parent tells you that its illegal to drive at night with the cab light on… I don’t know if this is going to shock you but its not illegal. At least not here. But their parents no doubt told them that when they were younger to keep them from messing with the light and distracting them; then they grew up believing it and now they tell their children the same thing. Or my mother use to tell me that her first husband died in a car accident because she didn’t want me to know she was divorced… Turns out he lives in Cali with a wife and three kids… but questioning her about him hurt her so she made up a lie to protect herself and me. Its not surprising that poor innocent Roman would be fed similar lies to help idolize his father.

The thing is… there comes a point in time in every adult’s life that they look at their parent and reality hits them so hard in the face they stumble. The person you thought your mom or dad was isn’t exactly who they are. For example, I idolized my own father and I of course still love him very very much; but growing up I thought he had the answer to everything and was an outstanding person. He had very few flaws (mostly just promiscuity)… Then about the time I turned twenty-four I watched as he went into a rage about abortions and how pro-choicers are idiots when most of them are pro-life but ‘just want attention’. It took me by surprise and when I showed him the statistics that the majority of ‘pro-life’ and ‘pro-choice’ both agreed that there should be exceptions to most abortion issues (“Abortion”). He chose to deny the fact and continued to hate the opposite party simply because they labeled themselves something other than what he labeled himself, despite believing in the same concepts…. I’m getting way off topic… Sorry… I realized in that moment that the man I idolized was an ignorant man who was content with his choice in being ignorant. It was a shock… The image of him I had painted my whole life came crashing down. It was alright of course, we just don’t talk about politics anymore… well… not often anyways. My point is… I’m curious to see when Roman has the same realization that his father is not the man Roman expects him to be… Truth be told; our parents can never live up to their children’s expectations. We set the bar too high and they are only human, doing the best they can… The good ones anyways XP

Again! Getting off topic! Sorry! Back to the analysis….

Roman sees his father as everything he strives to be. His father is a hard worker, who gives to the needy, is charismatic (a politician), a protector. No doubt, Roman was conditioned to see these things; conditioned to believe that this is what a ‘real’ man looks like. A conditioning that most of us have experienced. Girls that don’t dress pretty enough, or don’t like the color pink, or rather play with a football than a barbie; or boys who love pink, enjoy makeup, don’t enjoy sports… I can’t tell you enough how much crap my husband gets because he rather read a book than play football, especially when he was in school (he’s 6’4” and almost 400lbs). Its wrong!!! Here Roman’s father stands, the picture-perfect image of everything Roman is expected to be… of course he’s going to fixate on the good, rather than accepting the bad. Looks like Logan isn’t the only one in denial.

This denial is cemented when Roman begins to talk about the ‘caramel colored Highland cow’ that his father had given him when he was twelve. Roman uses this as an example of how his father cares so deeply for animals…. -sigh- My poor baby… All of this is an indication of unconscious rationalization. Yup, you guessed it I’m jumping back into psychoanalysis and Freud. YAY! Rationalization is when an individual avoids feelings of displeasure by explaining their own loses and failures as someone else’s fault (Rivkin, Julie). In this case, Roman isn’t even aware that he is doing it; hence the denial. Instead of subconsciously accepting the fact that these investigations could be in the right he chooses to blame the investigation of victim blaming…. Well, the investigations and The Utilitarianist.

Though Roman’s us of terms such as ‘hard-working Americans,’ ‘terrorist’ and ‘gross injustice’ in the next few paragraphs really boldens the image that Roman eventually grows into; the one we saw in Chapter 1. As if Roman should be wearing the stars and stripes on his cape, flapping in the wind behind him. A whole-hearted apple pie American! These terms are a direct parallel to a lot of the Republican campaigns throughout the last few years. Terms like this tend to be used to sew discontent and fear into people, making them easily controllable. Honestly, it’s a great symbolism on how America’s masses are being persuaded to follow the path of anger and certain politicians that I will not name. Roman, here is the picture-perfect representation of America, his father a Republican extremist (like many politicians lately) who has fed him so many lies and promises… provided pretty things to satisfy him temporary and allow him to do as he pleases without any consequence to himself. Sound familiar?

**Personal note: I have nothing against the Republican party. I agree with the platform on a few issues as well as with the Democratic platform. However, anything to its extreme is a bad thing. Thank you for coming to my Tedtalk.

“Roman could not stand for this! It was gross injustice! He wanted to help, to support his father and show him that he could trust him! He was almost twenty now – a man – and it was time he finally managed to prove himself!” (Whatwashernameagain).

Within the same paragraph we see Roman’s need to win his father’s approval. We also see the societal gender norm of being ‘a man’ once more. There is a lot to unpack here. Roman wants to show his father that he can ‘trust him.’ Which wouldn’t be something a normal person would be concerned about unless there was a sense of past abuse; which judging by the rationalization is no doubt the case. This implies that Roman has always been informed that he’s not good enough, or that he is incompetent. This small sentence shows us a side of Roman that we have yet to see… his insecurity. Sure, as The Dreamer he hides it well… He must, he’s the hope and dreams of the world, he can’t afford insecurities. But deep down he is just a child wanting his father’s approval. He wants to be needed, needs to be accepted. He wants to prove to this man that he’s not worthless… Hmm… Kinda sounds like a certain villain we know doesn’t it? Actually, Logan and Roman have a lot more in common here than meets the eye. Imagine what Roman feels here… The desperation, the loneliness. Perhaps he feels as if there is no one else in the world that could possibly understand how he feels. He is no doubt surrounded by staff but when it comes down to it, he is just as alone as Logan is. Both using their pain to change the world; both defining themselves by the work that they do… by their usefulness. Once again, Roman focusing on the individual (his father) while Logan focuses on the masses. He and Logan share the same goal, the same hurtles, and the same pain… and yet somehow ended up on opposite sides of the coin…

We see more of Roman’s insecurities in the next paragraph, underlining the emotion; proving to the reader that it runs far deeper than we would first assume. He states that he tends to ‘ask the wrong question’ and makes ‘stupid suggestions’. However, the questions he asks are regarding the wages of the workers, and the suggestions involve the wellbeing of animals. The dimension this contrast provides really rounds out Roman’s character. As a reader we see that these questions are anything but wrong and the suggestions are far from stupid, but we are a mute onlooker that can do nothing to change the scene unfolding before us. These words paint Roman’s heart as much as his pain. We see his concern for his father’s employees and the animals as well. We see that he cares for every living being, bringing up back to the fact that he focuses on the individual, reinforcing this concept. At the same time, he doesn’t see it himself. I’ve learned early on in life that if you are told the same thing over and over in your life time by someone you look up to… you are bound to believe it and the best and worst thing about belief is that once you have it… its hard to let go.

“Shame rose into Roman’s cheeks as he remembered his silly question about fencing in a meadow for their calves in their Laredo facility to play in with their mothers. He’d just remembered how much Nugget had always enjoyed jumping around with them. Of course, he should have known they needed to be separated from their mothers after the first day to avoid losing the milk they sold. It was necessary, he guessed. So, they’d said” (Whatwashernameagain).

So, they’d said… -sigh- Three little words and yet… so much pain. I don’t really need to explain the whole being told something repeatedly etc etc etc. Because I just did; but the fact that Eva ends the paragraph so simply is so elegantly impactful… I just… wanted to bring attention to it.

It also serves to point out that despite the fact that Roman rationalizes his father’s mistreatments and dirty deeds, he has his doubts. “It was necessary, he guessed.” Implies that Roman doesn’t truly believe this despite what he’d been told (along with the ‘so they’d said’). It adds even more depth to the man because while we are looking at a young Roman with no self-confidence he knows right from wrong. At least, deep down he does. It is the environment around him that is forcing this sense of morality to be buried deep deep down to the point to he can hardly recognize it… but its there. This also makes for some great foreshadowing. The small rebellion of nothing but a seed of a thought will no doubt grow into more.

Tangent: People always talk about how changing your thoughts are a sure-fire way to change your life and it is true. In fact, there is scientific research to prove it. No, I’m not talking about some kind of poll or mental screening. It’s much bigger than that. Dr. Masaru Emoto, a Japanese scientist and doctor of alternative medicine, conducted an experiment to try and discover how our thoughts can physically affect the world around us (“Water”). He took samples of water and exposed them to written and spoken words and music to see how thoughts and feelings affect physical reality (“Water”). Dr. Masaru Emoto discovered that crystals formed in frozen water reveal changes when specific, concentrated thoughts are directed towards them such as ‘love’, ‘thank you’, ‘I hate you’ (“Water”). The findings were unbelievable especially when you consider the fact that 90% of our bodies are made of water. Water that changes in reaction to thoughts. The implications of this research create a new awareness of how we can positively impact the earth and our personal health (“Water”). Dr. Emoto has been called to lecture around the world as a result and has conducted live experiments both in Japan and Europe as well as in the US to show how indeed our thoughts, attitudes, and emotions as humans deeply impact the environment (“Water”). I learned this many years ago watching the documentary ‘What the Bleep Do We Know?’ which I highly recommend… But if you would like to watch the short clip on water molecules and thoughts you can find it here.

I bring it up because Roman’s rebellious thoughts have a far more drastic impact than he probably assumes. We shape ourselves to our thoughts… Which only intensifies the foreshadowing here.

Once again, in the next para we see Roman’s rationalization in full swing as he talks about his father having a difficult time with him. We also see the reinforcement of social norms when it comes to gender: ‘he lacked a sense of ruthlessness a strong man needed to improve the world’, ‘he was a bad hunter, had the wrong interests’, ‘spoke too softly or loudly’ (Whatwashernameagain). I’m not going to go into it too much because I’ve already touched on the ridiculousness of this… and because forcing social gender norms onto someone like this piss me off like no other and I’m not turning this into a big rant and pulling it away from Eva’s amazing work! I’ll just say that its wrong to assume what it means to be a man or a woman… why isn’t just being a person enough?! and leave it at that. We also see more of Roman’s idolization of his father; his need for approval and his distaste for Logan and his so-called victim-blaming (which is rationalization once more).

The sudden shift from such a somber tone to the next paragraph proves to be refreshing and provides Roman with a small burst of passion we know and love! Eva writes: “Roman had one thing going he was good at, though. He was strong, brave and determined. Someone needed to put a stop to this renegade liberal, and it might as well be him. It wasn’t like all the other things he’d tried and failed at. This time, he felt a calling to fight the war of the righteous” (Whatwashernameagain)!

This provides us with a small glimpse of The Dreamer we’ve come to know in Chapter 1. Roman may not have confidence in himself but the image of who he wants to be is another story. For those of you who don’t know I worked in Law Enforcement for six years and its things like this that remind me of some of the good parts of the job. Roman is relatable here to be. I’ve known a lot of officers who are very different outside of the uniform, myself included. We have insecurities, weaknesses, ticks, that all seem to fade away when we put on that uniform. You become a different person, a stronger person; someone you look up to… and looking up to yourself is an amazing feeling… its like your indestructible… you can do anything! Officer Liz and the Liz writing this analysis are two different people. Yes, we share the same experiences and likes and dislikes but… I’m just a regular person, staying up too late, worried about laundry and dishes… while she… she’s a hero who protects everyone, always has a solution, and never lets her emotions get the better of her. Roman is getting his first taste of the high that comes with the alter ego. He sees the Dreamer in that instance, though he refers to himself because in a way they are the same person… The difference is, is that The Dreamer has already won his father’s approval and pride… Roman has not.

*******

I will have to end it there, friends. It is way past my bed time, and I have to be up in a few hours for work. Thank you for joining me though and I hope to see you in Part 2!

   “Abortion.” Gallup.com, Gallup, 10 Nov. 2019, https://news.gallup.com/poll/1576/abortion.aspx.

Rivkin, Julie. Literary Theory: a Practical Introduction. Wiley-Blackwell, 2017.

“Water.” What the Bleep Do We Know!?, https://whatthebleep.com/water-crystals/.

Whatwashernameagain. “The Dreamer - Chapter 2.” Hello Guys Gals And Non Binary Friends, 8 Sept. 2019, https://whatwashernameagain.tumblr.com/post/189407228487/the-dreamer-chapter-2?is_related_post=1.

[survivor-rotuma]

Ep. 1: “She reeks of minions” - Apollo

Brianna

My dumbass almost put my real name into the confessional link so we are off to a great start!!! So beginning of the game we have to pick a leader. Thomas kinda automatically pushed it to be Apollo which was funny. But then Apollo asked me if I wanted it bcuz he didn’t want it and that’s a no-no. He was scared people would be intimidated that he got an idol clue so I told him to just share the clue with everyone and take the leadership position which he thought was a good idea....for some reason. Lol. Hopefully he doesn’t screw up the immunity challenge for us and I get an idol clue without having to be the leader :P peace out ✌️

Cassie

Getting to know some of my tribemates has been fun and I definitely feel like we've been clicking well so far. I don't have any bad first impressions.

Felix

So I am getting some good vibes off of Flint and Joey. I think they're pretty cool and match my vibes. Cassie is alright, but she doesn't seem to be the talkative type. Finally there's the two that haven't talked. All I'm saying is that if we HAVE to go to tribal then we know who it should be. Also I would never volunteer myself as leader. What do I look like? Responsible?

Zest

I just got to the island and am still a little apprehensive. This is all very new to me. So far, my tribe seems very nice and go with the flow. But, I think that will change as the game progresses. I am definitely trying to just get an idea of people, but, it is very early in the game. We got the clue that "Idols are forged in fire.” Not completely sure what that means yet. Once we know what the challenge is, that will help! I’ve been reading about the other tribes and am curious about how they are all doing. Are they getting closer than mine is? Is my tribe on the right track?

Marie

I’m getting along really well with Kathleen, she is definitely my number one right now and I’d love to work with her!

Flint

The first night has gone better than I had expected. As a somewhat introvert I was nervous about getting to know my tribe but the other players made it easy. Felix and I hit it off really quick, I would consider him my closest ally thus far. Joey and Cassie both talked about being pro-pineapple pizza so that may blossom into an alliance down the road as well. Suzy and Charlie have been quiet so I can see them being an early target if we lose immunity.

Apollo

"https://i.makeagif.com/media/3-26-2018/myXMdc.gif

I feel like signing up for this game was a bad idea for my mental health, but I love Jay more than I love myself so who cares?

First impressions? Thomas suggests me as leader, and I'm shook. I wish I didn't have the name of a Greek God, why couldn't I be ""Steven Smith"" lol. Anyways I got the idol clue and shared it with the whole tribe since I don't need a giant target on my back to start with. Hopefully I can use this leader position to start a team that can work cohesively for the beginning of this game. Ope! The challenge has been posted. I've gotta run! Hopefully I won't be first boot!"

Lysandre

So the tribe has been formed!! The leader is Marie and thats cool! I was then put into a potential alliance chat with me, Marie, and Kathleen! Lets see how this goes! I also chose to participate in the shells challenge and its going great so far, except for the fact that all the numbers are confusing me. Is there a thing for dyslexia but with numbers?? Also I love Jay wtf.

Apollo

I can't believe you put me on the same tribe as Karen again, and I don't know why the hell she thinks Boris is a funny name, but the cat icon, has me living. I didn't know it was her since she wasn't on at the beginning but when she started talking and dragging the midwest I couldn't help but confirm my suspicions. She reeks of minions. Also pretty sure the new zealand person is just Stephen, bless his Soul. As for the rest idk them but being put in the leader position really helped i suppose. Thomas and Zest seem to respect me and Brianna and I are working on the flash game so hopefully we can bond over that. I would love for us to win immunity the first round but at this rate, If Bradley doesn't come on at all tomorrow, we might not even need to go to tribal, it just might be med evac, which would come in handy if we lose, but be a shot in the foot if we win. A little part of me was hoping for some ungodly reason Camilla would come back, but if she is, its not on my tribe :'). I'm imagining that Sam is somewhere but not on my tribe. I can't wait to get on with this game and to see how well I can do with a fresh start.

Gigi

I'm pretty happy with my tribe! Everyone seems kind and levelheaded. I'm kind of worried that I missed out on bonding with them though, since I wasn't around for the first meeting!

Kathleen

"I seem to have formed bonds with a couple of tribe members pretty quickly, I might be wrong but it seems like most of my tribe hasn’t really started playing the game yet so it’s good to get a one up just in case. Our leader, Marie, was someone I suggested because we’d been talking and I thought it would be good to have someone that was starting to trust me as leader.

Also this puzzle is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do and I have like 500 mental illnesses so that’s saying something."

Lysandre

OK SO LYSANDRE IS DOING EVERYTHING TIM COULDN'T. Their goal in the challenge is to get atleast 101 bundles but a bitch is getting tired. Also queen Jay posted her idol search which I thought was cute! I like how it works but my problem with it is that the idol can be found so fast.  It can be found in say... under an hour on your first prompt submission... LIKE HOW I DID. I have an idol yall!!! My first ever Idol!!!! I am so proud of Lysandre, they are doing amazing.

Lysandre

Having the idol feels a little surreal. I am aware that I have it but it is sooooo early in the game that it feels like a joke. I am going to tell no one about the idol moving forward in the game and I'm going to try and save it for no one but me.

Felix

Look who found an idol on their first hunt! I now have a safety net to fall back on just in case any of these people want to be snakes in the grass! We love me being an icon!

Felix

Me not reading the rules? It's more likely than you think. So now I just got to hope that everyone else is able to pull through in this challenge. God this sucks. At least if I am the worst on my team then I can use my idol to protect me. But that would be a waste of an idol so early in the game.

Boris

"HELLO. so the game just started yesterday and honestly?? I'm having so much fun.

playing as a different identity lets me separate myself from the game and play in a way I typically wouldn't. I'm already playing much more socially than I would in a typical game. My tribe sees pretty good! Everyone showed up at least, we're not the MOST active but everyone seems so nice, it'll be pretty easy to get along with everyone

totally off subject but this IDOL HUNT? WHEW. literally iconic. It's so fun to explore the different paths and see what happens. it took me forever to reach an outcome (and it was a negative one, at that), but I just had fun doing it anyway.

I volunteered to do the endurance portion of immunity, and I'm lowkey kinda regretting it. Like, I don't have anything else to do, but I just barely have the motivation to sit and type for hours on end. Oh well, I feel safe enough that even if we don't win I should be safe! hopefully!!"

Joey

"it's been a hot second since i've played one of these things and whew i forgot how exhausting it is getting to know people! i think everyone's in a weird spot because we're trying to remain hidden so we can't release real information about ourselves, so all the conversations i've had have mostly been about food. i've told two people i'm a fan of pineapple on pizza, which is a total lie, but whatever it takes  to make connections right?

i put my name out there for the leader role, but quickly gave it up to cassie. i think people are going to gravitate towards her, and i wanted to get in her good graces in case she is the key decision maker here. i feel like a lot of these people don't work as much as i do, which might put me at a disadvantage in the social portion, but what more can i really do?

i volunteered for the flash game because that seemed like the least annoying/time consuming section of the bunch, and on my fourth try i had a really lucky run and got a pretty decent score that i haven't gotten close to since. i think my strategy is going to be to pretend i'm struggling with the challenge, and at the last minute pretend i got my good score to show how hard i worked and how i ~persevered~ or whatever."

Felix

13 votes? Mama you gotta know more people than that

Felix

We're safe! I'm so shook that even though I submitted by accident XD

Marie

Gigi didn’t help with the challenge at all! Like wth pitch in? Tribal tonight should be an easy vote

Cassie

I feel pretty confident about how I did in the challenge for my tribe. We didn't come first, but I believed in my team that we'd still be safe and we were. We can only improve from here to overtake our competition and I still believe in my tribe. Go Tuai!

Thomas

Early days, everyone seems really nice so far, think I have gotten a good team!

Charlie

Honestly nothing particularly juicy atm, everyone is really nice and we are just getting to know each other. Theres a few people I'm vibing with more then others however...maybe a potential alliance in the future?

David Penn

Everyone seems way to chill and i'm waiting for the game to start getting heated. Also our tribe leader kinda dipped and everyones leader.

Brianna

Well. Sumi kind of...demolished that challenge. And I was starting to think we weren’t doing enough lol. It’s nice to see the first challenge results and put everything in perspective for the whole game. Not really any new updates. Bradley appeared for the first time today. Then shortly disappeared soon after. A missing person alert has gone out and he will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Zest

Wow! I am so emotional about our first win. I got really anxious about the puzzle and was worried I’d let my tribe down. Luckily, we all were really supportive of one another. Everyone has a really positive attitude and I am happy with Apollo's leadership. In terms of getting to know people, it is still really early. I have spoken to everyone on my team individually except Bradley.

Lysandre

OK so we lost the motherfucking challenge. I was the only person on my tribe to actually win their category. One of my "allies" Kathleen FLOPPED in the challenge. Luckily Gigi literally does not exist in this plane of existence. Maybe she got snapped by Thanos and she'll come back in 5 years... who knows?? What I do know is that I'm voting for her to go!! Also David approached me with the idea of voting Kathleen. I tried to play it off as if I'm stuck in between voting those two and I hope he bought it but Im obvi not gonna do Kathleen rn because she communicates with me. But we LOVE being the first tribe to go to TRIballlll.

Suzy witters

Im getting on with Felix a bit, and Charlie, I like charlie more though and can see myself working with him throughout the game

Marie

Lowkey can’t believe David actually called Kathleen out in the public chat, not a good move buddy. Let’s just say, he’s lucky that we want to get rid of Gigi or else Kathleen might have made the vote him!

Kathleen

I did HORRIBLY at the challenge and it seems that David was coming after me before some of my alliance members talked him down. We’re going for Gigi tonight so we only have people left that will actually try in challenges, but if we end up at tribal again I might just have to try and convince my alliance members to go for David to save myself.

Boris

"my tribe? Did that. We are a tribe of WINNERS. We dominated the first challenge!

But in less fortunate news, my dumbass needs to stop jumping into pits and volcanoes in the idol hunt. Search 1, I jumped in a lot and everyone was notified of my search. Search 2, I jumped across a volcano and now I can't participate in the next immunity. Which is an endurance! Which im really good at!! And the tribe knows I can do it because I did endurance last round!!!

So now I'm in a position where I kinda have to sit out (luckily our tribe needs to sit someone out anyway) BUT I'm stuck between coming forward and telling the truth, that I fucked up while searching, or make up some excuse for them to let me sit out anyway.

I think the former is smarter. Surely everyone else is searching too, and and maybe they'll respect my honest??? But if not, it could be my downfall. If they know Im searching every day they might be more inclined to vote me off before i find anything, since now they know I have nothing. "

Boris

Wtf why am I stressed, i don't even have to go to tribal

Bryan

So. The next immunity comp is an endurance challenge. And we have boris saying he won’t be able to be here for it because of a family thing. Apollo works til 12. Bradley probably won’t be here because of his disappearing trick. And I work til 10. I’ll hopefully still be able to participate because it’s not constant...but. We are already down three people and the comp hasn’t even started yet oh lord please help us.

Flint

The first Immunity Challenge was tougher then I had expected! I was assigned the seashell necklace making portion which sounded fairly easy but once I got going it was easy to get tripped up in the numbering. Once the results were announced I was glad to see our tribe got second place because I was one of the weaker ones in the challenge performance. Time to step it up!

Bradley

I need to really step up my social game since we won immunity. So its going to be a mess but i want to try and make some connections.

Gigi

Not sure if I'm paranoid or not, but I am idol hunting right now! And got a disadvantage instead. Just my luck!

Raul

Things are weird especially with the whole alias thing but ya know we march on the tribe is kinda quiet so we'll see I haven't seen a target emerge but it'll probably me to be honest

[singingmyreverie]

Secret Identity! Ha Sungwoon

Group Member: Wanna One Ha Sungwoon

Summary: Working in a government office isn’t as fun when it’s not your job..

a/n: Whoops I’m kinda alive from the dead?

not many office workers can say they're a secret agent, but you can

living the double life isn't easy of course

by day you're a lousy worker (a facade, of course), by night you come alive on missions

however you were placed in the government company to watch over boa, a spy suspect

"sorry i'm late!" you yelled, stumbling into the office

hands searching your face to push your glasses up, not even caring for the wild hair nest on your head

"(y/n)! again?! how many times does this make?"

"sorry, i wont do it again, look i brought coffee for everyone to make up for it!"

a good portion of the time, you were late because a mission the previous night left you exhausted

but it was also a crucial part of your persona so people would undermine you

you went around and placed everyone's favorite order on their desks

"thank you," sungwoon smiled

he was your favorite coworker, always treated you normally despite how frustrating your daytime personality was

may have been due to everyone else ignoring his rambling

but being skilled at your job, you'd make mental notes about things people have said for future reference

which required listening to even the smallest things

it was time for everyone to leave

sungwoon approached you, "(y/n), do you want to come to karaoke with us?"

the rest of your coworkers looked shocked and disgusted

"sorry, i have something to do, but thank you for inviting me"

you turned to go off on your own

but before the door closed you heard boa's voice

"sungwoon why did you bother with an invite?"

"(y/n)'s actually pretty interesting"

which left you with a grin

knowing they were out for the night, you contacted headquarters about sneaking into boa's apartment

with permission granted, you hoped to find clues

breaking in was easy, as minhyun quickly disabled all the alarm systems

no cameras or taps were found on your sensor either

most of her home was suspiciously barren, the complete opposite of her desk in the office

you swiftly snoop around, finding nothing out of place

until something under the mattress, but above the bed frame catches your eye

gently, you lift the mattress to find an out of place board

after inspecting the area a little, it was strange that the floor had zero traces of dust

you slid under the bed face up, finding an elaborate plan on the bottom of the bed

"jisung, i've got something under her bed, looks like she's taking the company down from inside out. shes got something big lined up for tomorrow ill send a picture"

"so my suspicions were true. (y/n) she's on her way back so get out. good work"

"copy that"

she planned on breaking into the security room, allowing her crew in to hijack the building

you were ordered to prevent it

nervous for boa's grand plan, you actually got to work early

sungwoon was the only one there so far

"(y/n)! you're here early?"

"i got a lot of rest last night. how was karaoke?"

"it was a blast, wish you could have made it," sungwoon looks worried, "(y/n), be careful today i have a bad feeling"

before you could ask, coworkers piled in and pulled him away

but he didn't tell any of them the same?

in the middle of the day, you saw boa leave out of the corner of your eye and followed

she ducked into the storage room to access the vents in order to avoid being caught by video cameras

you beelined for the security room, flashing your official ID, and motioned for them to be quiet

when she popped in, you were ready

took her down in a swoop, until one of the security guards threw a hard punch into your ribs

damn, they snuck someone in

he already took down the other two guards, probably too confused by the events

ignoring the pain, you readied yourself for a two on one fight

but the door busted open, and sungwoon looked confused

"(y/n)?"

"sungwoon?”

there wasn't any time left, as the two charged at you

sungwoon swiftly took the guard down, giving you the opportunity to take boa

as one of the guards hit the distress button from boa's arrival, help arrived soon

the higher ups, actually, since they were aware of the prevention operation

"good work agent (y/l/n), and good work agent ha"

the two of you gaped at each other

"you're an agent?!"

to which jisung laughed

"we sent you two in without each other's knowledge in case one of your covers were compromised"

sungwoon looked at you, "then you were the insider getting information?"

"i guess? i thought i was in on this alone?"

but okay jisung always assigns you two the same mission because you're so compatible

learning about each other is a bit weird, as your personas only revealed a small part of you guys

constantly going on missions together let in on various sides of one another

especially skills and talent

like that one missions where sungwoon pretended to be a new idol, and you were his body guard

heck, he pulled that off really well

you find out later that sungwoon had a crush on you, which is why he was worried for your safety that day

watched your small movements and liked how you paid attention to people

such as remembering their favorite coffee orders or something they’ve said before (like small things from his ramblings)

and you let him know that he was your favorite coworker

treated people well despite what others thought of them

"just date already," jisung nonchalantly says while walking into the room

making his ears and your cheeks go red

cute af

Secret Identity Series Masterlist

[dfroza]

Today’s reading from the ancient book of Psalms

for june 5 of 2021 with Psalm 5 accompanied by Psalm 78 for the 78th day of Spring, and Psalm 6 for day 156 of the year (now with the consummate book of 150 Psalms in its 2nd revolution this year)

[Psalm 5]

For the worship leader. A song of David accompanied by flutes.

Bend Your ear to me and listen to my words, O Eternal One;

hear the deep cry of my heart.

Listen to my call for help,

my King, my True God;

to You alone I pray.

In the morning, O Eternal One, listen for my voice;

in the day’s first light, I will offer my prayer to You and watch expectantly for Your answer.

You’re not a God who smiles at sin;

You cannot abide with evil.

The proud wither in Your presence;

You hate all who pervert and destroy what is good.

You destroy those with lying lips;

the Eternal detests those who murder and deceive.

Yet I, by Your loving grace,

am welcomed into Your house;

I will turn my face toward Your holy place

and fall on my knees in reverence before You.

O Eternal One, lead me in the path of Your righteousness

amidst those who wish me harm;

make Your way clear to me.

Their words cannot be trusted;

they are destructive to their cores.

What comes out of their mouths is as foul as a rotting corpse;

their words stink of flattery.

Find them guilty, O True God;

let their own devices bring them ruin.

Throw them out, and let them drown in the deluge of their sin,

for in revolt they brazenly spit in Your face.

But let those who run to You for safety be glad they did;

let them break out in joyful song.

May You keep them safe—

their love for You resounding in their hearts.

You, O Eternal, are the One who lays all good things in the laps of the right-hearted.

Your blessings surround them like a shield.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 5 (The Voice)

[Psalm 78]

Lessons from History

Asaph’s poetic song of instruction

Beloved ones, listen to this instruction.

Open your heart to the revelation

of this mystery that I share with you.

A parable and a proverb are hidden in what I say—

an intriguing riddle from the past.

We’ve heard true stories from our fathers about our rich heritage.

We will continue to tell our children

and not hide from the rising generation

the great marvels of our God—

his miracles and power that have brought us all this far.

The story of Israel is a lesson in God’s ways.

He established decrees for Jacob and established the law in Israel,

and he commanded our forefathers to teach them to their children.

For perpetuity God’s ways will be passed down

from one generation to the next, even to those not yet born.

In this way, every generation will set its hope in God

and not forget his wonderful works but keep his commandments.

By following his ways they will break the past bondage

of their fickle fathers, who were a stubborn, rebellious generation

and whose spirits strayed from the eternal God.

They refused to love him with all their hearts.

Take, for example, the sons of Ephraim.

Though they were all equipped warriors, each with weapons,

when the battle began they retreated and ran away in fear.

They didn’t really believe the promises of God;

they refused to trust him and move forward in faith.

They forgot his wonderful works and the miracles of the past,

even their exodus from Egypt, the epic miracle of his might.

They forgot the glories of his power at the place of passing over.

God split the sea wide open, and

the waters stood at attention on either side

as the people passed on through!

By day the moving glory-cloud led them forward.

And all through the night the fire-cloud stood as a sentry of light.

In the days of desert dryness, he split open the mighty rock,

and the waters flowed like a river before their very eyes.

He gave them all they wanted to drink from his living springs.

Yet they kept their rebellion alive against God Most High,

and their sins against God continued to be counted.

In their hearts they tested God just to get what they wanted,

asking for the food their hearts craved.

Like spoiled children they grumbled against God,

demanding he prove his love by saying,

“Can’t God provide for us in this barren wilderness?

Will he give us food, or will he only give us water?

Where’s our meal?”

Then God heard all their complaining and was furious!

His anger flared up against his people.

For they turned away from faith and walked away in fear;

they failed to trust in his power to save them when he was near.

Still he spoke on their behalf, and the skies opened up;

the windows of heaven poured out food,

the mercy bread-manna.

The grain of grace fell from the clouds.

Humans ate angels’ food—the meal of the mighty ones.

His grace gave them more than enough!

The heavenly winds of miracle power blew in their favor,

and food rained down upon them;

succulent quail quieted their hunger as they ate all they wanted.

Food fell from the skies, thick as clouds;

their provision floated down right in front of their eyes!

He gave them all they desired, and they ate to their fill.

But before they had even finished,

even with their food still in their mouths,

God’s fiery anger arose against them,

killing the finest of their mighty men.

Yet in spite of all this, they kept right on sinning.

Even when they saw God’s marvels,

they refused to believe God could care for them.

So God cut their lives short with sudden disaster,

with nothing to show for their lives but fear and failure.

When he cared for them they ignored him,

but when he began to kill them, ending their lives in a moment,

they came running back to God, pleading for mercy.

They remembered that God, the Mighty One,

was their strong protector,

the Hero-God who would come to their rescue.

But their repentance lasted only as long as they were in danger;

they lied through their teeth to the true God of the Covenant.

So quickly they wandered away from his promises,

following God with their words and not their hearts!

Their worship was only flattery.

But amazingly, God—so full of compassion—still forgave them.

He covered over their sins with his love,

refusing to destroy them all.

Over and over he held back his anger,

restraining wrath to show them mercy.

He knew that they were made from mere dust—

frail, fragile, and short-lived, here today and gone tomorrow.

How many times they rebelled in their desert days!

How they grieved him with their grumblings.

Again and again they limited God, preventing him from blessing them.

Continually they turned back from him

and provoked the Holy One of Israel!

They forgot his great love, how he took them by his hand,

and with redemption’s kiss he delivered them from their enemies.

They disregarded all the epic signs and marvels they saw

when they escaped from Egypt’s bondage.

They forgot the judgment of the plagues that set them free.

God turned their rivers into blood, leaving the people thirsty.

He sent them vast swarms of filthy flies that sucked their blood.

He sent hordes of frogs, ruining their lives.

Grasshoppers consumed all their crops.

Every garden and every orchard

was flattened with blasts of hailstones,

their fruit trees ruined by a killing frost.

Even their cattle fell prey, pounded by the falling hail;

their livestock were struck with bolts of lightning.

Finally, he unleashed upon them the fierceness of his anger.

Such fury!

He sent them sorrow and devastating trouble

by his mighty band of destroying angels;

messengers of death were dispatched against them.

He lifted his mercy and let loose his fearful anger

and did not spare their lives.

He released the judgment-plagues to rage through their land.

God struck down in death all the firstborn sons of Egypt—

the pride and joy of each family.

Then, like a shepherd leading his sheep, God led his people

out of tyranny, guiding them through the wilderness like a flock.

Safely and carefully God led them out, with nothing to fear.

But their enemies he led into the sea.

He took care of them there once and for all!

Eventually God brought his people to the Holy Land,

to a land of hills that he had prepared for them.

He drove out and scattered all the peoples occupying the land,

staking out an inheritance, a portion for each of Israel’s tribes.

Yet for all of this, they still rebelled and refused to follow his ways,

provoking to anger the God Most High.

Like traitors turning back, they forsook him.

They were even worse than their fathers!

They became treacherous deceivers, crooked and corrupt,

and worshiped false gods in the high places,

bringing low the name of God with every idol they erected.

No wonder he was filled with jealousy and furious with anger!

Enraged with anger, God turned his wrath on them,

and he rejected his people with disgust.

God walked away from them and left his dwelling place at Shiloh,

abandoning the place where he had lived among them,

allowing his emblem of strength, his glory-ark, to be captured.

Enemies stole the very source of Israel’s power.

God vented his rage, allowing his people to be butchered

when they went out to battle,

for his anger was intense against his very own.

Their young men fell on the battlefield and never came back.

Their daughters never heard their wedding songs,

since there was no one left to marry!

Their priests were slaughtered and their widows were killed

before they had time to weep.

Then all at once the Almighty awakened

as though he had been asleep.

Like a mighty man he arose, roaring into action!

He blasted into battle, driving back every foe,

defeating them and disgracing them for time and eternity.

He rejected Joseph’s family, the tribe of Ephraim.

He chose instead the tribe of Judah

and Mount Zion, which he loves.

There he built his towering temple,

strong and enduring as the earth itself.

God also chose his beloved one, David.

He promoted him from caring for sheep

and made him his prophetic servant.

God prepared David and took this gentle shepherd-king

and presented him before the people

as the one who would love and care for them

with integrity, a pure heart, and the anointing

to lead Israel, his holy inheritance.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 78 (The Passion Translation)

[Psalm 6]

For the worship leader. A song of David accompanied by the lyre.

O Eternal One, don’t punish me in Your anger

or harshly correct me.

Show me grace, Eternal God. I am completely undone.

Bring me back together, Eternal One. Mend my shattered bones.

My soul is drowning in darkness.

How long can You, the Eternal, let things go on like this?

Come back, Eternal One, and lead me to Your saving light.

Rescue me because I know You are truly compassionate.

I’m alive for a reason—I can’t worship You if I’m dead.

If I’m six feet under, how can I thank You?

I’m exhausted. I cannot even speak, my voice fading as sighs.

Every day ends in the same place—lying in bed, covered in tears,

my pillow wet with sorrow.

My eyes burn, devoured with grief;

they grow weak as I constantly watch for my enemies.

All who are evil, stay away from me

because the Eternal hears my voice, listens as I cry.

The Eternal God hears my simple prayers;

He receives my request.

All who seek to destroy me will be humiliated;

they will turn away and suddenly crumble in shame.

The Book of Psalms, Poem 6 (The Voice)

[survivorjordanpines]

Drew’s Opening Speech

Hello friends!! This game has been long enough so I’m gonna try my best to keep this under a page and a half in a Google Doc, but we’ll see!! Quick shoutout to Jordan Pines, who made a season everyone was ready to hate on principle and turned out to be one of the best crafted games I’ve seen in a while. You know I’ve come to you with all my little complaints along the way, and I wish to fuck you’d changed the name, but here we are. My game this season has been WILDLY different from the type of game I usually play. Arguably, I’m the weakest challenge competitor of the final three, with Jessica’s immunities and Adam’s time on redemption island. I haven’t been in the majority since F10. I pulled the first two rocks in the history of my org career. And I have never in my entire life been told as many lies as I was by this bunch of people I am now addressing. And through it all, I never lost sight of the primary goal: look out for #1.

I have a standard premerge game style that I like to play, I call it the Big Happy Family strategy. What it boils down to is a mindset of building the tribe up as a unit, staying out of being the initial force in creating alliances, making decisions for the good of the tribe, getting unanimous votes whenever possible so no one feels deeply on the outs, so in case of a swap or getting to merge, the group I come in with doesn’t immediately split into factions. This season failed me on that HARD because no one from my original tribe managed to get to merge except me! In the other two tribe configs, we only went to one tribal each and both were unanimous decisions. The end result of all of this is that I got to the merge tribe without bonds that had really been tested by tribals and proof. I know I spoke a lot in-game about being the only member of my original tribe to be here, but it was the lack of tested bonds in the other two tribes that affected me more. It’s hard to approach a merge not truly knowing where you stand with anyone. In the final premerge tribe, Charlotte Adam and I formed an alliance that would be my main place of trust going into merge, a group we managed to keep quiet for most of the game. It was also in premerge that I found both of my idols that would later get me through two tribals in which I should have died, one at F25 and the other at F16.

When merge hit, my game can best be compared to Sisyphus and the Rock, or in Survivor terms, Sandra and the Russell. I never got complacent, I never stopped trying to pull what little I could together, but every time I reached a peak, the boulder came tumbling back down and I was back at square one. At the start of merge, I got into an alliance with Char/Jess/Ari/Ryan that I hoped was strong enough to get us through a strong portion of the game, but it crumbled two rounds later with a plot to kill Ryan and a response of a ruby idol play. The next round, Adam Charlotte and I planned to throw a wrench in the game with an RTP blindside, using Adam’s extra vote to pull off a 4-3-3, only to find out that Gage and Raffy planned the same thing three hours later, mitigating our thunder. Coming out of the chaos vote, Charlotte and I planned a vote steal plot with Raffy that would have gotten us to F7 with three idols between the two of us, but Raffy lied to save face with the greater numbers.

Once Charlotte left, my game got immeasurably simpler: survive. Everyone I was left with had lied to me and voted her out so my only loyalty was to myself and to the idols I’d been saving since premerge, through two rock draws and one strong voting attempt against me. I had originally been saying to myself all of merge that I was going to save both of my idols until Redemption Island had ended, that was going to be enough of a safety net for me, I’ve always been able to rely on my challenge strength at least partially. That changed on the first F6 vote when we realized how deep into the game RI was going, and that it would literally be me vs Adam to come back if I screwed it up. So I secretly set up the 3-2-1 plan, to idol myself, get Jessica out if it was possible, and Ari out if it wasn’t. An immunity win, a second idol play, and a firemaking victory later, I’ve finally made it to this point that I’ve been trying to achieve for two years. For the last six rounds of the game, I kept telling myself that there was too much working against me, no one left to actually put faith in, but if I could get myself past this round, I could pull through and make it all the way.

I’m so happy with the way I was able to play this game. Coming into the merge, I had two idols, one secret alliance I thought I could actually work with, and zero people from my original tribe. My fatal flaw in Survivor games has always been the fact that once I have deemed someone to be not on my side, either by voting history or actions against me or my people, I don’t talk to them anymore, and stick with the players that have voted with me. It’s always hurt me, either in cutting off options to save myself from a vote, or in getting to FTC without relationships with the members of the jury. This season, I made a huge effort to avoid that and maintain relationships with everyone regardless of voting history or alliances that put us on opposite sides, specifically with Jess, Ari, Raffy, and Gage, so that I could always talk socially and strategically with the other power players of the game if I needed to. But I also recognized the point when I wouldn’t have the support of the cast to stay, and saved the powers I’d been building up until the moment I needed them. I’m not going to pretend that I ran the game. I didn’t. But through the secret alliance of myself/Charlotte/Adam, I was always in the right position to have the right read on the game, and my place in it. That understanding of my place in the game and the shift of when I had to fight to stay alive, more than anything, is what got me here, and I believe that that knowledge, combined with how damn hard it proved to kill me, is enough to win this season. To that effect, I’m ready for any questions, comments, concerns, or personal attacks you might have for me. This is going to go down as one of my favorite seasons ever to have played, and I want to thank all of you for your parts in it.

(It’s a page and two-thirds, don’t hate me <3)

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 7 Confessionals

So we're having a reward challenge so I guess no reward. Are we merging at F9?? Its still 7-3 right now and it can be 7-2 soon. If its 7-2 in the merge then if my alliance of me/Zach/Charlotte/Carson stick together we'd only need one more number and we could get to F4. Thats wishful thinking that we all stay together tho.

of course i flop the slide puzzle and lose us reward god.. just imagine like.. that scene of michele going out into the ocean and being emo from kaoh rong and earning character development about being competitive and debbie saying she might drown herself . thats me right now. yeah thats all i am angry kinda not rlly

Ugh I wish I hadn't done the reward challenge because I can't help with immunity. I thought that since 4 people sat from reward and the usual rule is if you sit you have to play in the next one, that the rule would be over since all 4 can't play. But I was wrong so rip, I think I'm pretty good at this one too b/c I used to do fun listing games when I was younger. Here's hoping we can avoid tribal!

I would've much preferred the live challenge to this one. I'm a mess and will get something for every letter except for like 1 and have a panic attack and freak out. Pissed.

I'M SO FRUSTRATED BECAUSE WE FINALLY WON REWARD AND I GOT A TASK FROM THE WISHING WELL BUT IT COULDN'T HAVE COME AT A WORSE TIME. There are literally 3 of us left, throwing the immunity and scoring the least points could mean that we lose and I don't want to be the reason we lose when there are three of us left. DID I MENTION THAT THERE ARE 3 OF US LEFT?! I decided to prioritise doing well in immunity over getting the reward from The Wishing Well because I just need to be safe and move on from this round and hopefully get to a merge. 

Can you believe that Ulta won AGAIN? We keep doing that. Honestly, we're icons. 7-2 going into a potential merge... let's just let that sink in. 

Jordan Pines' ego is so large, it's actually consumed the rest of the Copa tribe. 

Well fuck me this may be the end of Jordan Pines. I am going to do all I can to stay but there is a high chance i could be going home tonight. Dear god lets see what happens.

I will make two quick ones since i've been busy the past few days. So going into immunity, i'm nervous. Bryce/Carson/Myself can't play, and originally it was supposed to be a live competition and us 3 are the most active. I literally messaged Carson being like "so who we votin'" DASKF. I think i'm funny idk it's just some quirk oWo Fortunately, the competition changed to list it up. The comp seems fun, and overall I think it'd be easier than the L# type setup competition. It doesn't require much activity or anything, just to be on whenever you are and schedule it! So, i'm hoping for the best ^-^ Zach~post immunity results~ I don't recognize names of our tribes, so I (like Carson) read "Copa, you have tribal tomorrow with me" and my heart dropped. I read the 9:03 to 9:00 and I was like... oh my dog.... are you SERIOUS. HOWEVER, WE WON IMMUNITY! BY THREE FRICKEN SECONDS! THAT IS ICONIC I'm really blessed to have been granted safety till merge (assuming it's merge, something has to happen AJFSKDG they wouldn't do 2v7 into an immunity challenge). That being said, I may potentially be an early merge boot. During merge, I plan on working with returnees and giving Jay/whoever else lives hopefully luke a chance. But, we'll see. If they talk to me, i'm down with it because i'm always open for opportunities. In addition, if I just stuck with OG Ulta......... it'd be boring. I'm not sure, overall though. I really like Willow too, and Chris/Katie are fine. UGH. I like this cast so much it's so stressful even THINKING about voting lowkey. Nonetheless, soon it's gonna be time to play.

Im really pulling for luke to stay cuz i wanna have that idol connection after the merge but maybe it would put less of a threat on my back for him to be gone :/ idk  ahhhhh. Lets see what they do

I don't have much to report besides the fact that I'm glad we won and that Carson and Zach are great 

Also Katie and Bryce are cool too 

OH DEAR GOD I THINK I DID IT. LUKE JUST TOLD ME HE IS VOTING JAY OUT. HOLY SHIT THANK THE LORD IN HEAVEN I MIGHT STILL BE HERE TOMORROW. FUCK YOU RYAN TEDDY PALMER AND YOUR DUMB ASS NO TRIBE SWAP NO MERGE GAME.

Update: I'm voting out Jay and not Jordan Pines! Jordan is so good at whispering sweet nothings into my ear and making me keep him but I'm still very weary of him. My thought process is that he's a bigger target than me and could act as my meat shield so that I slip by pretty easily. I think that with the current Ulta tribe it's going to be difficult but I think I can work this out. 

winning immunity challenges from the outside looking in is awesome!! no need to scramble or strategy talk. great, right? yeah, no. i know where NO ONE stands. nobody talks strategy bc we dont have to go to tribal. id prefer this to losing every single one, but id like to lose a BIT. but ill just sit here with my idol and enjoy the immunity while it lasts, bc ik this will get cutthroat at merge

wow 3 seconds that so cool.

jordan pines will be pre merge boot hahahahha

Who says you can't get no satisfaction? Whoever it was clearly isn't me in this game. Not only did my tribe win immunity again, I personally beat Jordan pines in a mutual portion of the challenge. Victory really does taste sweet. AND we finally merged. 7-2 numbers advantage. Does that mean that ulta is gonna stay together? I guess we'll see! I may use these two stragglers to get rid of some people that I feel like may not want me around much longer.