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nerdzzone · 3 years ago

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Only For A Moment: August

Summary: A series of shorter one shots from Chris and Whitney’s life together throughout the pandemic. Some happy times, some harder times, some fluff and some things a little more sexy - they work through it all as they try to get settled in their new and blossoming relationship.

Chris Evans x OFC

Part of the Once Bitten/More Hearts series

Only For A Moment: July

Note: I’ve had a super busy day, but I wanted to get this posted so I edited it really quickly. Please forgive me if there’s any little mistakes!

Thank you to everyone who has liked, reblogged and commented! Hearing your thoughts really makes my day!

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August 2020

I think you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who actually enjoys moving - especially if that move involves a three year old who feels the need to be very involved in the packing, but is also incredibly easily distracted. And even more so when that child's father is almost just as distractible and, despite his insistence that he'd stay focused, does more to hinder the whole operation than help.

That was the situation that I found myself in at the end of the first summer of the pandemic because we were moving in with Chris.

While I was hesitant at first, it made the most sense and neither Grayson nor I were particularly eager to return to our tiny little apartment. I still felt that it was pretty early in our relationship for us to be living together, but we'd survived so far and moving back seemed like it would do more harm than good. Grayson had settled in nicely at Chris' house and another big change - like making him go back to having two homes - seemed like it would be very disruptive.

But moving came with it's own challenges.

After our conversation a few months earlier, Chris had told all of his most trusted friends about our change in relationship status. That came in handy as a few of his buddies - who had trucks - had volunteered to help us move things the last weekend of August, but packing had me feeling overwhelmed. I'd managed to give most of the furniture away - between our friends and Chris' family - but we still had way too much stuff.

It was on that Saturday morning that I found myself sitting in the middle of Grayson's old bedroom almost in tears. I'd packed up his mountain of toys the night before only to find Chris and Grayson unpacking several boxes the next morning while I was trying to finish up in the living room. Apparently, Grayson had wanted a certain toy that I'd already packed and instead of telling him to wait because he had several other things to play with that weren't boxed up, Chris helped him look for it.

He was trying to be helpful, thinking that repacking a few things would be easier to deal with than a meltdown from Grayson, but it had been a long, tiring week as I tried to get everything organized and their actions almost pushed me to my breaking point. I scolded them both and banished them to the little playground just outside the building while I set to work cleaning up their mess.

Almost twenty minutes later, I heard a knock on the front door as it creaked open. I poked my head out of the room I was in - ready to send the boys straight back outside - only to see Chris' oldest and closest friend, Tara. She was masked up for safety and knowing how sweet and helpful she was, she was a refreshing sight. I'd met her several times, mostly when Grayson was a baby and I lived with Chris, and she'd been a calming and encouraging presence back then so I was definitely relieved to see her during another time of high stress.

"Hey," I smiled. "What are you doing here?"

"I brought supplies," she informed me, holding up a tray of iced coffees. "Chris called and said that he thought you could use some help."

"You're a lifesaver," I groaned with pleasure as she put down the tray and handed me one of the drinks. "I need this, thank you so much."

"You're welcome," she returned my smile. "How's the packing going?"

"Not bad now that the boys are outside," I laughed. "It's pretty much all done, I think. You never realize how much junk you have until you have to pack it all up."

"Oh my god, I know. We moved last year and it felt like the piles of things we had to take was never ending."

"It's crazy," I agreed. "Especially with all Gray's stuff. I thought we did a good job of not spoiling him, but he has an insane amount of toys."

"I can imagine," she cringed. "But I have no plans all day so just tell me what you need help with and I'm all yours."

I thought for a moment as I sipped the coffee she'd brought me until I had an idea.

"Actually..." I started, feeling a bit sheepish. "Would you be willing to take Grayson for a bit? I know it's a big ask, especially while he's so excited, so feel free to say no."

"Are you kidding? I'd love to take him!"

I let out a breath of relief as I felt my body relax.

"Thank you so much. I really need Chris to help me carry these boxes and he's been so preoccupied with Grayson that he's been no use at all," I explained. "It's a big change and he's worried about him being freaked out by it all, which I totally get, but I need him to focus a bit too."

Tara laughed and shook her head.

"I get it, don't worry. I know what he can be like," she assured me. "I'll go down and get Gray now and send Chris up here."

"Thank you. You're the best, Tara."

She waved off my gratitude and insisted it was no problem before leaving me to turn my attention back to what I'd been doing before she arrived.

Once Grayson was in the safe care of Tara, Chris was much more useful. We were packing things with impressive speed and when it was almost time for his friends to show up with their trucks, we started moving things down to the lobby of the building to make the loading process quicker.

I was a tad nervous about the whole situation as I hadn't spent much time with most of Chris' friends and I didn't really know what they thought of me. I hoped they'd be understanding of our situation and give me a chance, but if he really had been pining away for me all these years - thinking that I didn't want to be with him - I worried that they'd think I was selfish and heartless.

Those worries, combined with my stress about getting everything organized, had me still feeling rather on edge. It didn't help that the creepy maintenance man that I'd warned Chris about was watching us like a hawk. I could feel his eyes on me every time I stepped foot in the lobby and the sensation made my skin crawl. I just wanted to get it all done and over with as fast as possible so we could get away from him, but Chris had clearly noticed him too and I could feel his annoyance rising as well.

He held it together until our last trip down when our spectator really crossed a line. I was bending over to place some boxes on the ground when I could have sworn I heard a groan of pleasure from behind me. I snapped back up to standing and looked over my shoulder to see the man with a smirk on his face and his eyes fixed on me. It made my stomach churn, but Chris was immediately by my side, his arm sliding around my waist. Before I could even question what he was doing, he pulled down his mask and then my own, cupped my jaw with his hand and pulled me in for a kiss.

It was a rather passionate embrace and I was surprised as he usually wasn't one for public displays of affection. Then it hit me why he was doing it and I felt a flash of annoyance run through me as he pulled away. There was a smirk on his face as he rested his forehead against mine, but all I could muster was a frown.

"Do you think he got the hint?"

I scoffed at his question.

"I think he got enough pictures to pay his bills for the next few months," I huffed, keeping my voice low so we wouldn't be overheard. "Are you done marking your territory now?"

Chris looked taken aback by my harsh tone and I sighed as I slipped out of his grasp and headed to the door. I wanted to see if his friends had arrived yet and get away from the creep, but Chris followed and wasn't prepared to let our conversation drop.

"What, so I'm not allowed to kiss you in public in case someone sees?" He asked once we got outside, his own annoyance coming through. "I thought you didn't care if people found out about us?"

I stopped walking and spun around to face him.

"I don't care," I snapped. "But I'd rather not give some pervert the chance to profit off of us just to save your wounded pride."

Even with his mask pulled back up, I could see Chris' jaw clench with frustration.

"He was being disrespectful. I was standing right there and he moans while staring at your ass? C'mon, he's a fuckin' asshole."

Another flare of anger washed over me as I fought to keep myself calm enough to explain to him why what he'd just said was almost as frustrating as the actions of the man who'd been ogling me.

"He was being disrespectful," I agreed, my voice steady despite my rising temper. "But to me, not to you! It doesn't matter if I have a boyfriend or not, he shouldn't behave like that towards any woman! I don't deserve to be respected because of you, I deserve to be respected because I'm a human being who has a right to feel safe in their own apartment building."

Chris' shoulders dropped as he took in my words and visibly calmed down, but I was still feeling wound up.

"Shit, Winnie, you're right," he relented. "I don't want anyone to treat you like that ever, not just because you're my girlfriend. It just pissed me off that he had the balls to do that even in front of me."

"So kissing me like that to send him a message was the best solution you could think of? Like, 'don't touch this one, she's mine'. It made me feel gross. I don't need you claiming me in public to scare off creeps, thanks."

"I didn't mean it like that," Chris insisted, looking slightly wounded by my scolding. "I'm sorry, I was being an idiot."

"Okay," I shrugged, somewhat blowing off his apology. "We should go to the parking lot. Your friends might be here."

"Are we good, Win?" He asked, clearly not as eager to let the subject drop. "I want to make this right if you're upset..."

"I'm fine," I sighed, knowing that was only half true. It was only half his fault though, the stress of the day overall was more to blame and, at that point, I just wanted it to be over so I could have a nice big glass of wine. "Let's just go see where your friends are."

He didn't argue as I walked off and when we turned the corner into the parking lot, his friends were all there lined up in the visitor's spots. I forced a smile despite the fact that it was hidden by my mask and waved as we walked over.

"Hey!" I greeted them. "Thanks so much for doing this. We really appreciate it."

"Ah, no worries!" Jon assured me. "But, are you really sure you want to move in with this guy?"

"Yeah, we were just talking," Zach continued. "And it feels a bit Stockholm syndrome-y. He confines you to a house and suddenly you fall in love? Seems a bit suspicious."

"Wow, guys, glad you're on my side," Chris laughed. "I wouldn't have asked you to help out if I knew you'd try and change her mind!"

"We just want to make sure we're not committing any crimes here," Luke insisted. "I don't want to be an accomplice to anything and we're all scratching our heads about what she could see in you."

Chris shook his head at their teasing and I tried to push our earlier discussion from my mind as I giggled and slid my hand into his. I felt him tense up in surprise at the gesture, but he relaxed as I squeezed it and leaned against his arm.

"There's no Stockholm syndrome here," I assured them. "It just took a pandemic and the constant threat of impending doom for me to come to my senses. I'm just lucky Chris was silly enough to wait for me."

Chris chuckled and leaned over to place a kiss on the top of my head as his friends rolled their eyes.

We quickly went over the game plan for the day once the initial greeting was over and as soon as his friends turned to head towards the building, I dropped my hand from Chris'. I knew I was being petty and sulky and from the sigh that fell from Chris' lips, he did too, but I couldn't help it - I needed some space to work through my cranky mood on my own. Luckily, Chris seemed to figure that out pretty fast and left me to my brooding as we followed his friends and got to work.

It didn't take us as long as I expected to load all the boxes into the trucks, but that was probably the benefit to having a team of strong men helping you move. Once it was all unloaded into the spare bedroom at Chris' place where I had been sleeping at the start of the pandemic, Chris broke out a few beers for his friends and fired up the grill while we waited for Tara and Gray to arrive. It was a beautiful, warm evening and perfect for an impromptu barbecue to thank all Chris' friends and it was a great opportunity for me to bond a bit more with some of the most important people in Chris' life.

Grayson knew them all better than I did, but we had some concerns that the lack of socialization would make him nervous around the now somewhat unfamiliar faces. But he put those worries to bed almost as soon as he arrived as he was the life of the party. He was thrilled to see the three men who were sitting in the lawn chairs dotted around our yard - in an effort to keep everyone somewhat distant from each other - and the cheer they let out as soon as they saw him made me think they were just as excited. They seemed to really adore him and he thrived on the attention. It warmed my heart to see the genuine care they all had for Grayson - it was wonderful to know he had so many people in his corner - and I was relieved when that care was extended to me.

Any doubts that I'd had about them accepting me were quickly pushed from my mind as they seemed to be just as eager to get to know me as I was to get to know them. They were all lovely, kind people and I wondered why I ever expected anything else from the people in Chris' inner circle.

They left as soon as Grayson's bedtime rolled around - partially because we were all tired from our long day of moving boxes and partially because we all knew there was no way that Gray was going to agree to go to bed while the party was still going. Once they were gone, he demanded Chris tuck him in so I tidied up in the kitchen while he handled bedtime.

As soon as I'd finished putting the last few dishes in the dishwasher, I felt his arms around my waist.

"Hey," he whispered in my ear, his chin resting on my shoulder. "Thanks for cleaning up."

"You don't need to thank me," I smiled, turning in his arms so we were face to face. "It's my house to keep clean too now, even if that's still weird to think about."

"Weird in a good way?"

"Definitely," I nodded. "It's felt like home here for a while now. It would have been awful to go back to that little apartment."

"It would have been weird for me too," Chris agreed. "I can't imagine being in this big house without you guys anymore."

"You'd have to move all your friends in," I teased, using it as a segue. "Who, by the way, are all very nice."

"Yeah?" Chris grinned. "You think so?"

"I do. I was a bit nervous about it," I admitted. "In case they resented me for how our relationship unfolded, but they're great."

"They never resented you at all," Chris chuckled. "Pretty much everyone who knows about our first night together was on your side about that and they've been pushing me to make a move ever since."

"Well, that's good to know."

Chris nodded and continued.

"They all really like you. Jon gave me clear instructions to not fuck it up."

I laughed at that, but felt a wave of relief.

"I appreciate their support."

"Well, you definitely have it."

Chris leaned down to press his lips against mine and I melted into his body, feeling the exhaustion from the stress of the day start to hit me. We stayed like that, just holding each other for a few minutes until Chris broke the silence around us.

"Can we talk about earlier?"

My stomach churned with embarrassment at the memory, but I nodded.

"Of course, we can. I'll start by saying that I'm sorry."

Chris leaned back slightly, just enough to look down at me with his confusion written all over his face.

"You're sorry? Why are you sorry?" He asked. "I brought it up so that I could apologize to you."

"You don't need to," I assured him. "I get why you did what you did. I just don't deal with stress very well and the whole day was overwhelming me. I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"You don't deal with stress very well? I never would have known!" His words were laced with sarcasm as he smiled down at me and I laughed, gently smacking his chest in protest. "But seriously, I deserved a good scolding. You were absolutely right with what you said, I shouldn't have handled the situation like that."

"I appreciate that you can see where I was coming from," I sighed. "But there is no perfect way to handle a situation like that, really. It's best just to ignore it, but then it feels like you're letting the gross guy win."

"Well, if we're ever in a situation like that again, I'll follow your lead," he insisted. "But I can't say that I'll just ignore it. I might just punch the guy out for being a creep."

I laughed again before shaking my head.

"And then whoever is watching will have a different kind of picture to sell to the trashy magazines."

Chris cringed at that comment.

"I'm sorry. Do you really think he took pictures?"

"I don't know," I shrugged. "But if he recognized you then I'd be surprised if he didn't."

Chris nodded, clearly getting lost in thought for a moment before he spoke again.

"And you really don't care if proof gets out that we're together?"

"I don't," I insisted. "I don't like the idea of some pervert making money off of us, but I don't care if people know we're together. It might be good for people to get used to the idea now, when we're hiding at home all the time anyway. By the time we can go outside again, no one will care enough to take pictures of us."

"That might be wishful thinking," Chris smiled. "But I'll do my best to keep you out of the spotlight."

I matched his smile and stretched up to place a kiss on his lips.

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

As I predicted, the creepy maintenance man did take pictures of us and he did sell them to some trashy magazine. The internet was horrified, the hearts of fangirls all over the world were broken and I was called every cruel name under the sun. There were rumours that I trapped him with another baby and rumours that I was a gold digger - just using Chris for his money so I didn't have to work during the pandemic. The general reception to the forced confirmation of our relationship was pretty abysmal, but nothing worse than we expected and at the end of the day we didn't care.

All the people who truly cared about us were happy for us and that was the most important thing.

September

Tags: @maggotzombie @moonlacebeam @mizzzpink @zaylaugh @flowery-mess @flowerjewels @njrronaldo7 @hockeychick10 @partypoison00 @theladybiers @sidepieces @firoozehmoon @patzammit @sparkledfirecracker @mytbel0st @chvntelle-99

#chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans fanfic #chris evans fan fiction #once bitten/more hearts #only for a moment

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jeonqukie · 4 years ago

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PLAYING CUPID / 01.

SYNOPSIS / Consistently overshadowed by your older sister, you expect your days in high school to be filled with plastic smiles and apathetic peers with hidden intentions. Everything changes when four of the most popular guys in school join you and your best friend for lunch on the first day of school.

FEATURING / Kim Namjoon; appearances by Jung Hoseok, Park Jimin, Kim Taehyung, and Jeon Jungkook.

GENRES & TAGS / high school au, freshman reader, senior namjoon, student council president namjoon, best friend jungkook, lots of fluff, and some angst.

WARNINGS / Graphic and mature language, slight age difference/gap (to clarify, oc is 14-15 yrs old and namjoon is 17 - first part is rated pg); list will be updated as fic is updated accordingly.

WORD COUNT / ~10.3k

NOTES / I am a day late in posting this and I want to let you guys know that this is... not edited at all and I will be looking through this every now and then to correct any errors. But I hope you enjoy the first part of this series! I wasn’t expecting this to be relatively long, but it was all to set up the characters dynamics and the history behind the reader and Namjoon’s relationship. Any feedback is appreciated. To repeat, I’m so sorry this was super late. Please expect part 2 to be up in ~2 weeks. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡

All rights reserved © jeonqukie (formerly known as aiscka). All (or portions) of my work may not be reproduced, redistributed, reclaimed, translated, modified, or used in any way whatsoever without my permission.

“You’re Sena’s little sister, right?”

You’d be a damn millionaire if you made a dollar for every person on campus tried to break the ice with you. It was a severe understatement to say that your older sister was known around town. She was vice president of the student council, president of the debate club, and the best player on the varsity volleyball team. All of the teachers and faculty adored her, every girl wanted to be her, and every guy wanted to be with her.

For the longest time, you assumed your sister was a celebrity on campus.

You were so wrong.

It was because you never met him. You’ve heard his name so many times whenever your sister had sleepovers with her friends or when she was on the phone with a friend, whispering so softly into the receiver, afraid that someone would find out about that she had a crush on him. You were perplexed because you thought your sister was a very forward person; she had so much confidence talking to so many guys who desperately wanted her attention yet somehow her palms would sweat over him.

“Hey, you know who Kim Namjoon is?” You would sit at the cafeteria for the first time with your best friend, Jungkook, who had devoured half of his ham and cheese croissant sandwich. He looks at you and he would raise one brow.

“Oh no, don’t tell me you’re one of those girls who’s obsessed with hyung.” But Jungkook sees the genuine confusion form on your face. You catch a glimpse of your older sister who sat on the other side of the cafeteria, thumbing a reply on her phone while her friend nudges at her when she sees the notorious posse that every girl swoons over.

It was a scene right out of a movie.

At that time, you had the faintest idea who they were, but you were quick to find out why they were so well known around campus. Jung Hoseok was the senior of the group; he was a dancer and was featured in numerous music videos by well-known artists and he had an extensive list of choreographers willing to work with him. Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin were inseparable; they were juniors who ran the school newspaper and the school yearbook – Taehyung being in charge of the photography while Jimin being in charge of the organizing the yearbook staff. Meanwhile, there was Kim Namjoon; student council president, valedictorian of his class, member of the honor society and numerous organizations on campus.

“Wait, you know who Namjoon is?” You were curious whether Jungkook knew of him, not exactly knowing the guy.

“Yeah. I mean, he’s been my next-door neighbor for god knows how long. His folks and mine go out for golfing twice a month.” You just nod to his answer when you are shoving a chocolate moon pie into your mouth.

But your mouth instantly goes dry when the four guys appear right across from you and Jungkook are seated.

“Gukie!” Hoseok exclaimed at the sight of Jungkook still devouring his croissant. “Look at you! Finally, you’re with the hyungs in high school.” The tease made Jungkook’s ears go pink and you feel your own face get hot; not because of second hand embarrassment, but because you can see everyone’s eyes on you – the two freshmen who had no right to be sharing a table with, what you can only assume, the four most popular guys on campus.

There were many times where people would only want to get to know you because of your sister; girls wanted to get close to you because you were had a cool older sister and boys wanted to be with you because they were so eager to come over to your place and obsess over Sena.

Jungkook, on the other hand, had no interest in her. As a matter of fact, you met Jungkook when you were in middle school and took a swimming class and later found out that you two were in the same class and bonded over your competitive nature in swim class.

“Who’s this? You got a girlfriend on your first day already?” You and Jungkook exchange a look of disgust with each other and create a sensible amount of space for each other to establish that you both see each other as friends.

“Oh my god, wait – you’re Sena’s little sister, right?” Hoseok corrected Jimin who had made the assumption you and Jungkook were an item. Jungkook can see the way you scrunch your nose from his periphery, and he decides to answer for you instead.

“This is YN. She’s… literally been my best friend since middle school.” Jungkook introduces you to the four people right across from you. “YN, this is Hoseok – well, I call him Hobi-hyung. This is Jimin-hyung and Tae-hyung. I’m pretty sure you know Namjoon-hyung because –”

“ – school council president.” You interrupt because you didn’t want Jungkook to reveal that you had been inquiring about him earlier. “I remember because you made that welcome speech this morning at the assembly.”

Namjoon is rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment and you resume eating your packed lunch, despite losing all appetite because you are surrounded by so many people did not know. They weren’t terrible people, but you weren’t mentally prepared for such strong personalities and dynamics to be introduced all at once. You felt like an intruder – a fly on the wall – because everyone carried on with their normal conversations; Jungkook and Hoseok were talking about plans for the weekend and then Jimin and Taehyung were already drafting out ideas for the yearbook. Meanwhile, you sat in silence as you ate your tuna salad sandwich, reading a new book you were gifted over the summer by your parents.

“Let me know when you’re done.” A voice catches your attention, and you stop all chewing. “The book, I mean.” Namjoon clarifies and he sees that you are already halfway done with it. “I read it a year ago and I’d like to hear what you think of it.” He offers you a heartwarming smile and you nod once, returning the same grin.

“I started it a week ago. I really like it so far.” The conversation is light and drowned out by the loud voices beside you.

You never really pinned him as a reader.

“So, how’s your first day so far?” He inquires and you honestly thought that the conversation was… over. Normally, that’s how all the conversations go when people find out your Sena’s little sister. They feign their interest in you and instantaneously ask about her.

“It’s… nothing special.” You admit, smoothing your fingers on the pages of the book. “Most of the classes I have before lunch, Guk’s with me. Now –”

“Now, her large, wrinkled brain is going to abandon me and get into those advanced program and honors classes.” You are rolling your eyes at your best friend who whines that you decided not to take the same classes as him.

“We literally have homeroom, social studies, and PE together and then we see each other for breaks and lunch. I think you’ll live.” The group laughs which earns quite a bit of stares from outsiders, but they seem to be completely unfazed by it. Everyone turns back to their own conversations and, usually, your social presence isn’t necessarily sought out by people.

It wasn’t until you hear another inquiry fall out of Namjoon’s mouth.

“What do you have right after lunch?”

“Biology.”

“Honors biology, by the way. Can’t you spare just one regular class for me? Or does your GPA really matter that much to you?” Jungkook complains and you are left ignoring his comments.

If there was one thing that your older sister taught you (something you actually agree with) is that colleges love a good GPA and joining as many clubs as possible. You even remembered how she’d phrase it for you; college admissions officers will cream their pants when you score that 4.0 GPA and do something out of the box from the rest of your peers.

“Or just get smarter, Guk.” Hoseok poked fun at Jungkook, earning a shrug from Jungkook. Namjoon, on the other hand, is smiling from ear to ear at the dynamic between the elder and the youngest of the group.

“Let me see your schedule.” Namjoon urges as he spots your clear binder which has your printed schedule on the cover. You push over your binder to Namjoon who is scanning your binder; he reads through your name, your birth date, the list of teachers you had for the semester and the classes assigned to you.

You feel indifferent about the sudden attention on you, especially from Namjoon; a mere stranger who everyone obsessed over was so piqued by you. You observe the way the corner of his slips curve into an impressive smirk as he glances over at Hoseok.

“Guess who we have for calculus at the end of the day?” He slides over your binder where the rest of the group examine the rest of your schedule, only for Hoseok to find a coinciding class with you.

“How the fuck are you in a senior’s class? Are you some math whiz or something?” Taehyung’s eyes widen at the sight of an advanced calculus class on your schedule. It was one of the things you were proud of you; you were good at math – it happened to be Sena’s worst subject and your parents often joke what she lacked; you had gained immensely.

“Yeah, YN’s cracked, hyung. I don’t understand. I remember in middle school they had to make arrangements for her to get into a pre-caclulus class or some shit like that.” Jungkook finishes his fruit cup and gathers all of the trash on site to toss over to the closest garbage bin.

Namjoon is sliding your binder right back at you, brows raised at you with the same grin he had on. He stares at you for what seemed like a long time – to you, it seemed like a long time and he is glancing back down at where your fingers brush against each other and he pulls away, not wanting to make you feel uncomfortable.

“I – um, saw that you were taking orchestra too.”

You nod and chew on your cheek, self-conscious all of a sudden about your appearance because you are very much aware that Namjoon is examining every aspect of your face.

“Yeah. I mean, I already know how to play the piano, so I might as well learn how to play another instrument, right?”

“No – yeah, you’re right.” He stammers and he folds his hands together only to be interrupted by Jimin tossing over a bag of pretzels at Namjoon.

“Bell’s about to ring. Pretzels was all they had left. We need to head to physics soon.” Taehyung and Jimin are swinging their bags over their shoulders. Hoseok is too busy on his phone, showing Jungkook a video of his new choreography.

Suddenly, you are receiving a plethora of notifications in the depths of your jean pocket. Your fingers unlock your phone only to reveal a series of text messages from your sister.

Sena [12:29]: Did you just spend your entire lunch with Kim Namjoon?

Sena [12:32]: Earth to YN?

Sena [12:39]: GUK IS FRIENDS WITH ALL 4 OF THEM.

Sena [12:41]: You have officially made a fucking impression to this school. I’m so proud of you. You’re sitting with us at lunch tomorrow.

“Guess I’ll see you later, YN.” The bell doesn’t descend you back to reality. Instead, it was his voice that brings you to pack up your things into your bag. “You might want to sit at the back for Mr. Lu’s biology class; he’s a spitter.” Namjoon swings his backpack over his shoulder. “He reuses the same lesson plan every year. If you need any help with them, you know who to look for.”

As you’re swinging your own bag, Namjoon leaves you with a wink as he is exiting the doors of the cafeteria into the school hallways.

Now, you understand why the entire world was obsessed with Kim Namjoon.

“Alright, let’s get started,” Mrs. Kang, your calculus, is a middle-aged woman who didn’t look like she had aged past thirty. You found it incredibly hard to believe the woman was nearly in her mid-forties who had three kids of her own. She looked like a stern woman but had a good heart from what you remembered; she only wanted what was best for the class even though it meant tormenting them with a shit ton of homework. “I don’t need to go over the syllabus with you bunch. As you can see, this is a much smaller class than a regular class because not a lot of people pass this class.”

Silence fills the room from when you had first arrived. You were one of the last few people to find your seat because your class was all the way on the other side of campus. It seemed like everyone in your class were juniors or seniors. There were so many of them who knew each other from previous classes; they were all huddled in their own designated spots in the class, so you sat at the front of the class because all the seats at the back had been taken and it may help that you’re at the front because it’ll force you to pay attention.

“There’s a lot of material to cover and there’s only so much I can do. Since we’ve implemented the new block schedule, we’ll only be seeing each other for an hour and a half every Wednesdays and Fridays. First thirty minutes will be on new material, next thirty minutes will be spent on practice problems, and then the last thirty minutes will be working with your partner on getting your homework started. I’ve figured getting a head start on the homework for the last thirty minutes will be helpful just in case you or your partner are lost, you have me to ask for assistance.”

Someone’s hand raises up in the air out of your periphery.

Mrs. Kang points to them. “Yes, Namjoon?”

“How do we determine who are partners will be?”

“Please tell me we get to pick our partners.” Mrs. Kang is already turning her back to the class as she searches for a box that had been hidden behind her computer monitor only for her shake the contents of the box.

“The last time I gave the students the opportunity to choose who their partner was, I’ve written a disciplinary notice for academic dishonesty twice a week.” Mrs. Kang prefaced, and the room goes silent. As she continues ruffling through folded papers inside the wooden box, you are already aware of how the partner system is going to work.

Everything was going to be randomly assigned.

“We have 26 of you total which means there will be 13 pairs.” Mrs. Kang announces, and she walks around the class starting from the left where the person is picking a folded paper out of the box. Each person who had unfolded their paper sat patiently until Mrs. Kang had completed distributing the paired assignments around the room. She is fetching a pen and paper as she sits on her desk.

“Alright, our first pair is –” Mrs. Kang looks up to see two people raise their hands; it had been Hoseok and a girl with the prettiest bangs named Mimi. Mrs. Kang continued jotting down the pairs until you scanned the number on your own paper; a large 12 inscribed on your already tattered paper.

You hear Mrs. Kang’s voice as she calls out for the twelfth pair and you raise your hand. You don’t see anyone in your periphery raise their hands, so you turn your body around to search for your partner.

Your body turns cold and still, but you can feel your cheeks get warm at the sight of Namjoon seated down at the back with Hoseok with his hands raised, revealing that he had pulled the same number as you. The thumping in your heart is loud and it beats hard as each moment passes.

Both your hands lower and you are trying to turn your attention back to the front of the class where your teacher stood, but you can feel his eyes on you. You remembered scolding yourself, unaware of why you were so nervous and so shocked to be his partner – he saw you nothing more than another classmate; someone to help him with his assignments.

“Perfect! Since we have our pairs, everyone will be sitting next to their partner from now on; I don’t care where it’ll be. I just need you to sit with them, so we’re not scrambling at the last thirty minutes of class to find them.” Mrs. Kang says sternly, clearly not wanting to waste time in this class. “Shall we begin?”

“How do you already have so much shit to do?” Jungkook laid comfortably on your bed, shoving down salt and vinegar potato chips that your parents had bought from the store last weekend. “Do you like never take a break from reading or what?”

“It’s just a really interesting book.” You say as you flip through the next page and bite into an apple.

You two laid on your bed, basking in the afternoon sun. Normally, you two didn’t have this much down time. Last summer, you two volunteered to be camp counselors to lessen the boredom you two would endure. It was either that or spending every goddamn weekend on the golf course with Jungkook’s parents and yours.

“I was thinking of trying out for the track & field team.” Jungkook informs you and you resume reading. “Namjoon-hyung tells me that the team runs right after school and it sounds fun. Events are early though, and we all know I’m not an early riser.”

The mention of Namjoon urged you to reminisce back to your last period that day. Mrs. Kang mentioned that she wasn’t going to let the class immediately sit right next to their homework partner – thank god. You just wouldn’t know what to talk about with him; you don’t really know what to talk about with people because they always somehow led the conversation back to your older sister.

But, at the end of class, he did manage to keep up with you as you hastily packed all your items into the bag before you darted outside of the classroom. You planned on walking home with Jungkook and you two would meet at the front of the school. Namjoon, somehow, caught up to you in time.

He had grabbed your arm and greeted with you with his million-dollar smile. “Hey,” He breathes, and you stop to offer him a meeker and shier smile.

“Hi, what’s up?”

“You’re meeting with Guk?”

You give him a single nod before he hands you two pieces of paper. You’re curious as to what they are, and you see the words parent’s consent form along with the health forms to give to a doctor – for a physical.

“He’ll know what they’re for.” He reassured you and you hold onto the forms. “Thanks for that. I have to go; I have a meeting in five minutes with the student council.”

“I’ll be sure to give it to him. Was there anything else you wanted to tell him?”

He shakes his head, and he starts reversing his steps, clutching onto the straps of his bags. “I – um, I’m really looking forward for calculus – you know, the whole partner thing. I must be really lucky to be partnered with a cracked, math whiz like you.”

Now, you’re blushing because you weren’t really sure if you were supposed to be flattered or offended.

And he read you so well because he is suddenly panicking but he hid it. He stops his reverses, and he takes one step closer to you.

“I’ll see you and Guk at lunch tomorrow, if that’s alright?” He hums; his voice sounded so soft and clear to you – no one can hear a single thing he had said to you, but you heard him bright as day. Suddenly, you feel a grin creep up to your mouth and you nod once. You had regained some of your confidence back and Namjoon can see it. “Cool, well, I’ll see you ‘round, YN.”

“Earth to YN.” Jungkook snaps at you and you pay attention to your friend who is lying next to you. “Did you hear a single thing I said?”

“Sorry ‘bout that. I dozed for a couple minutes.” You admit and he scrunches his brows, dismissing your moment of silence.

“I was asking how it was like to be in a class of seniors.”

“There’s no difference, honestly.” You begin your thought. “It sucks just because I don’t really know anyone, and everyone knows everyone.”

“Yeah, but you have Namjoon-hyung and Hobi-hyung.” Jungkook reassures you. “They’re basically your friends now because we’ll be hanging around them a lot.”

You weren’t sure if you were looking forward to or nervous to be spending a lot more time with the older guys. They made a good first impression on you though; they’ve probably only mentioned your sister’s name once. Granted, it was only thirty minutes spent together, but it was so much better than most of the conversations you’ve had with everybody else.

“That’s true. I have Namjoon as my homework partner, so I’ll… definitely need to get along with him.” You chuckle under your breath as you read through each line without comprehending a single thing. Your mind had been so clouded with the idea of Namjoon and you weren’t sure why.

Jungkook decided not to stay for dinner that evening even though mom made two pans of lasagna to feed a village. However, he did help you and your mother prepare it. Your mom was pretty insistent on it, so you promise that you’d be giving him some leftovers for lunch the next day. Your dad arrived home next; it was a typical evening – he beelined to your mom, planted a kiss on her cheek and patted your back before he hastily moved to the office to continue working. Sena arrived home from school at a later hour than usual before she was already setting the plates on the dining table.

“Alright, Guk, final offer.” Your mother says as she is pulling out two piping pans of lasagna out of the oven.

“No, thanks, Mrs. LN.” He respectfully declines before he is swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Mom’s expecting me home right about now for dinner. I’ll definitely ask YN to pack me up some leftovers though.”

“Alright.” She waves him a goodbye before you are showing him to the door. “Walk home safely.” She bids him a goodbye softly as she pulls the foils off the pan.

“Pack me an extra serving, please.” Jungkook pleads and you roll your eyes before he already made his way out of the door.

“Honey, dinner’s ready!”

“You did not tell me Jungkook was friends with Namjoon.” Sena settles herself on the dining table and you sit right across from her, waiting for your mom to begin serving everyone a slice of lasagna.

“Quite frankly, I didn’t know Jungkook even knew Namjoon either. I’d say I’m just as surprised as you are, but I really don’t know what the fascination is with Namjoon.” You lied through your teeth as your mom serves herself first (she called dibs on the corner piece) and you decide on getting the smallest piece since you weren’t so hungry that evening.

“Are you talking about Mr. and Mrs. Kim’s son? Is this the same Namjoon we’re talking about right now?” Your mom’s curiosity is evident in her tone, taking small bites out of a side salad she had prepared.

“Yes, and Sena is hopelessly in love with him.” You shove the lettuce into your mouth as you wait for your lasagna serving to cool down momentarily.

“How can you not be in love with him?” She breathes out hastily. Your dad has his brows raised in disbelief; his daughter talking endlessly about her crush.

“He is a nice boy; responsible, kind, gentle, polite, seems to get things done, really cute too.” Your mom lists his never-ending advantages, and you stray away from their eyes because you hate the admit that you find him incredibly cute.

“Can we please talk about something other than this boy?” Your father is already exhausted from listening to you talk about Namjoon and you don’t blame him, really. “How was the first day for you, dear?” He refers to you and you are still chewing on your dinner.

“I have three classes with Guk. I like all of my classes so far; I can already tell calculus is going to be… a lot of work. We have a test every week and we mandatory study sessions after school for the exam to qualify for college credits. Thankfully, I have a partner to work with just in case I don’t understand anything. There’s also –”

“Who’s your partner? Maybe I know them.”

Your silence is defeating, and you look at your dad who is waiting for his answer and you dart your eyes back at Sena who is piecing the puzzle in her head, so she drops her mouth open, gasping at your lack of a response.

“No fucking way!”

“Language, please, Sena.” Your mom scolds.

“I mean, you’ve been in the same classes as him before! I’m sure you’ve been in a group project with him or something. You guys are in the same clubs. I don’t understand why you haven’t asked him out.” You weren’t so sure what motivated you to blurt it all out because your sister was definitely a good catch, but the obsession with him was getting way out of hand.

“That’s ridiculous, YN. I would never ask out a guy. I don’t even know he likes me that way.” Sena is taking small bites out of her dinner and you sigh to yourself, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “If there was only a way for me to find out. It’s not like I have a sister who’s partners with him in a class – oh, she’s also best friends with his next-door neighbor! How convenient.”

She eyes at you where you decide to focus on your meal, but her eyes are pleading and desperate.

“I… am completely eliminating myself from this predicament, Sena. If you want to ask him out for yourself, you should do it. Besides, who wouldn’t like you? You’re amazing.” Your voice is sincere and genuine, and you hope she pushes all of her fears and insecurities to the side to do something about her feelings.

“It would just be so much easier if I knew if he thought I was cute or something.”

“Everyone thinks you’re cute.”

“That’s not the point, YN. Listen, how ‘bout this? You don’t even have to drop my name in there; just ask what his ideal girl is like or something… or let Guk do the work! I’m sure he already knows the answer. Just help a girl out, please, YN.” You sigh defeated because your sister was really good at convincing.

It wasn’t really hard to figure out what type of girl Namjoon was interested in or… if he was interested in girls. All of this was easier said than done and you were going to rely on Jungkook a lot on this.

“I’m not going to prioritize this.” You surrender and she is giddy in her seat.

“YN, you are the best sister anyone could ask for.”

Several weeks have passed since you had last had your conversation with your older sister. You made an emphasis that you weren’t going to prioritize delving into Namjoon’s personal life. You were purely on a calculus homework and best friend’s next door neighbor relationship with him. But you finally get an idea of what Namjoon likes in a girl when he had to leave early for calculus to get pep rally ready for the first football game that Friday.

Unknown [14:34]: It’s Namjoon. Got your number from Guk.

For some reason, you feel your heart leap out of your chest at the text message. You’re still seated in calculus class working on the first few problems of your homework without him. You look up to see that Mrs. Kang is too busy assisting other students confused with the problem. Honestly, you were confused too and were unsure with your methods, but your mind had been too focused on your cellphone the entire time.

Namjoon [14:35]: Should’ve gave you the heads up about this. Sorry about leaving you alone to work. ):

You [14:36]: It’s no big deal. Seems like everyone’s confused, tbh.

Namjoon [14:36]: Fuck, mb. It’s the first game of the night, so I’m kind of required to be here. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

Namjoon [14:37]: I have some down time after setting up. Maybe we can work on it then?

You [14:37]: Just tell me the time and place, I’ll be there. (:

Namjoon says that he had somebody covering his duties for the student council before the game began. You see him rushing inside a computer lab that remained open for students to use. You had reserved a table at a secluded corner because you wanted to be away from prying eyes. He spots you trying to reread your notes and erase the umpteenth method you had tried for a word problem you were stuck on.

He admires the way your brows knit together; lips pursed as you began redoing your method on a separate piece of paper. He keeps standing, not taking his place on the chair right next to you – too afraid that you would interrupt your flow. You feel a presence right next to you and he nearly gives you a fright and you realize just how tall he is.

“You scared me.” You inform and he chuckles softly at how endearing it was. He takes the seat right next to you where he is already pulling out notebook and pencils from his bag.

“I left my book at my locker. Do you mind if I share your book with you?” You look at your open textbook and nod at once pushing the textbook closer for both of you to see. “Thanks.” He scoots much closer than you had intended and when he strips his hoodie off of him, you can smell his cologne and how good it smelled on him.

You ignore your thoughts and scurry back to the problem you’re on.

“What problem did you end on?” He inquires and you point to the exact word problem you had been staring at for the past thirty minutes in class.

“It’s been bugging me. I didn’t want to ask Mrs. Kang because I wanted to figure it out myself.” You were so stubborn, he thought to himself. You had only completed a total of eight problems when there was so much more to do for the weekend. For some reason, you decided to stay stuck on that problem for god knows how long and Namjoon found it adorable – one of the few attributes he liked about you.

He reads the word problem and begins trying to solve the problem on his own. After several tries, he had figure out what you had done wrong and he so desperately wanted to point it out to you. Just when he was about to open his mouth, you turn to him and shake your head, covering your ears with your hands.

“No. I refuse to let you tell me what you did wrong. I can figure this out myself.” You whisper harshly. Namjoon can’t help but respond with silenced laughter because this is exactly how your homework sessions have been going; just the both of you refusing to let the other correct each other until the other figured it out themselves.

“Can I give you one clue?”

“Nope.” You popped your ‘p’ to accentuate just how persistent you were. You stuck out your lower lip as you examined the word problem again and he looked at the glossiness of your mouth and the softness of your cheeks; how he desperately wanted to lay his own petals right on yours as his fingers crawl to your face.

“So, I have a question.” He starts.

“And I can try to give you an answer depending on what it is.”

“Are… you and Guk by any chance – y’know?” His question is vague, but you definitely know what he is asking you because lots of people were never really used to the idea of a boy and a girl ever being best friends; for some reason, people assume they always end up dating and never talking to each other again.

“God, no. I love him, but I don’t love him like… I’d date him.” Your cheeks were fully flamed, and you weren’t so sure why you were so embarrassed to discuss this with Namjoon. All the times you had to clarify people on your relationship with Jungkook, you were almost disgusted and quick to reassure people that you two were nothing more than friends.

“Well, is there anyone you were willing to date?” Namjoon is pushing the boundaries here and he knows it very well. But he feels like he has gotten to know you well enough in the past few weeks to ask such a question.

“Not that… I know of really.” You try to remain composed when you respond to his question, but you feel his eyes burn into your soul, so you’re doing everything you can to avoid his stare. But Namjoon continues to stare right into you. He really can’t take his eyes off of you. “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever really experienced what it’s like to be attracted to –” Just when you had mustered the confidence to look at him, he is quite literally staring so deeply into your eyes that it is taking your breath away.

He is making you eat your words right now; you can’t take your eyes off of him.

“You don’t know what it’s like to…?”

“I don’t what it’s like to be attracted to someone.” You sigh softly; your breath fanning him. “On the contrary, I don’t think anyone’s ever really been attracted to me.” A chuckle comes erupting from your mouth, shaking your head. “Fortunately, that’s not really my goal in high school.”

“You don’t know that.” He quips.

“I don’t know what?”

“If someone’s been attracted to you before.” You shake your head in disbelief, chewing on the inside of your cheek knowing fully well that he was doing this because he wanted to seem like a dick for not disagreeing with your self-deprecation.

“Well, what about you?” You pose the question to him. “From what I understand, most girls and guys I pass by swoon every time you pass by.” He is chuckling to himself this time and he is very much aware of his desirability among his classmates. “You have plenty of choices; I’m sure you have the opportunity to date someone you must really like at this very moment.”

“That’s what I’m hoping on. I’m just not quite sure how she feels about me.” You feel like you were unraveling his darkest secrets and you were happy he considered you close enough to reveal who it is or give an inkling to who it is.

“Do I know her by any chance?” You’re hoping that you can narrow down who he is interested in. Because you barely knew anybody, you knew this would be a piece of cake.

“Yes.” He replies simply and he is staring at you. “You know her very well, YN.” He sighs, hoping you would finally understand what he is alluding to.

“Is she in my grade?” You were really hoping that the answer would be no or else you’d be breaking some terrible news to Sena that evening after the football game.

Namjoon nods slowly and he can see how you are not picking up his hints. He sees the slight disappointment in your face for whatever reason. Suddenly, he is perplexed because, in his eyes, he has made it pretty clear who he was interested in from the get-go. Many people should make the assumption, too, considering there was only one person he had his eyes on – only one person he was giving his attention to.

“Is it… that girl in Guk’s class who –”

As you are trying to list out the girls in your class who has interacted with Namjoon, he is in complete disbelief that you have not figured it out at all. How much more clueless could you get? He is sighing now because is frustrated. He admires your persistence when it came to solving difficult word problems in calculus but it’s frustrating when you are unaware of his feelings for you.

Just when is about to confess his feelings for you, you are greeted with another presence calling for both your names.

“So, this is where you two have been.” Jungkook ambles hastily towards your table and you grin from ear to ear when he is taking out his algebra textbook. “YN, one last chance, please. I didn’t pass my last quiz which brought me one letter grade down and my dad’s going to make me quit track & field if I don’t –”

“I told you I’d help you over the weekend, dumbass. I’m busy getting shit done with Namjoon.” You breathe softly before he is hugging you on your side and you grunt at how much stronger he has gotten. “But you’re buying me coffee for a week.”

“Sick.” Jungkook simply replies before he begins unpacking some of his homework. “You excited for the football game, Namjoon-hyung?” Jungkook queries and Namjoon is baffled because the moment is gone. One interruption from his next-door neighbor and the moment’s lost.

“Fuck yeah.” Namjoon replies and he sees that you’ve suddenly lost interest in the subject. You were subconsciously listening on their conversation while you are back to resolving the complicated word problem right in front of you. “Will you two be going to the game?”

“I’ll go, but YN won’t go because she hates crowds and, honestly, she doesn’t know how the game.” You exhale in response to Jungkook’s statements. Namjoon observes that you decide to move onto another problem, wanting to tackle the word problem at a different time. “Everyone you know will practically be there. Why not give it a shot?”

“We usually have half of the bleachers reserved for the student council since we’re in charge of tickets and concessions, so it won’t be that big of a crowd.” Namjoon attempts to entice you with modifications to appease your concerns. “Plus, we’d all get to hang out with each other; no homework, no calculus talk – just… us.”

Jungkook is stunned to see you agree.

The night was a lot more enjoyable than you thought it would be. Namjoon waived off the entrance fee for the game the moment he mentioned that you and Jungkook were volunteers. Taehyung was already on the field taking photographs of the football players and cheerleaders while Jimin took photographs of the students on the bleachers. You even passed by your own sister who was busy with her own group at the entrance entertaining friends, families, and alumni into the bleachers. Meanwhile, Namjoon was overseeing every single aspect of the event; he was mainly at the concessions, not wanting to create so much traffic around it.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” You offer your assistance before he notices that you have your hair all tied up. “I’ve washed my hands if that helps.” Namjoon can’t hide his smile and he offer you a pair of food safe gloves.

“I’m usually one to decline help, but we really need it. Let’s see – Yuqi really needs to go use the bathroom, so you can be in charge of the drinks and chips right now.” You take your station at the drinks and chips stations. It was going faster than you had expected; people ordered too fast or too slow – there was no in between. There were people who were very certain with their order which you appreciated. Then, there were the people who were very fickle with their order and you can’t help but stand awkwardly to wait for them to decide.

“I can’t believe you roped me into helping.” Jungkook grumbles under his breath. “Hey, I didn’t rope you into anything.” You take the five-dollar bill from the student and offer them back their change.

“Yeah, but you made me seem like a real asshole sitting there not helping.” You can’t help but laugh at Jungkook’s pout because you knew just how much he wanted to just spend his time on the bleachers, watching the game with his hyungs. But he was stuck here helping out the student council while most of them were on their bathroom breaks.

“Once someone’s back from their bathroom break, you can go back to your game.” You soothe him and the chaos outside the booth is starting to die down. Less and less people were coming because they’ve all satisfied their craving and the game was building up – it was pretty close, so you understand why Jungkook was in there sulking with you. When you turn to look at Namjoon, hoping to convince him to let Jungkook off the hook, you don’t see him there.

You look out the window to hear your sister’s pretentious giggle. She laughed so differently around him – acted so differently around him. He stood right next to her with the rest of the council members, giving them a big pep talk. She looked at him like he was an angel who fell from heaven. Their conversation ends and the rest of the council members disband except Sena and Namjoon. They are having a personal conversation and you can’t read mouths, but you can’t tear your eyes away from their beaming faces.

“Hey, can I ask you something?” You clear your throat, speaking so softly so only Jungkook can hear you.

“I’m all ears.”

“Does – does Namjoon have a type?” You say out of curiosity. Jungkook raises a brow at you, curious as to what motivated you to ask the question.

“Uh, I don’t know. I’ve never really heard hyung talk about any girls… or his type, to be honest.” He hums and he is staring at you stare at your sister and Namjoon. “Why’d you ask?”

“It’s… for Sena.” It was the truth, but your own curiosity was definitely a motivating factor. “She’s been obsessed with Namjoon since… as long as I can remember.” You breathe out, hoping no one else can eavesdrop on your conversation. “She’s been talking a lot about him more since she found out I knew him, y’know?”

“Huh,” Jungkook leans on the table and folds his arms. “Why doesn’t she just tell him?”

“Apparently, she needs some sort of confirmation that he thinks of her that way too, so she doesn’t make a fool of herself.”

“Why don’t you just ask him then?” Your silence is clearly something Jungkook wasn’t expecting because you never actually considered it once. “He’s a pretty easy-going guy; just ask him and he’ll be honest.”

“We’re not on that level of friendship yet, I guess.”

“Well, I consider you guys close enough to ask that kind of question.”

“Then, he’d just assume I’m being friends with him because my sister was using me.”

“Well, are you?”

“No.”

Your own answer stuns you almost. Just a couple weeks ago, you knew nothing of Namjoon and, suddenly, you are on a level of friendship where you think you can confide him in anything. Perhaps, now, you really understood why everyone obsessed over him; why everyone wanted to be friends with him, why everyone wanted to date him, why everyone just wanted to be noticed by him.

“Then, feel free to ask him yourself.”

You hadn’t really worked up the courage to talk to Namjoon about his dating life. You repeated to yourself that it wasn’t really a priority to delve into what goes on behind the scenes with Namjoon. You were in a consistent state of going to school, doing your homework, reading books, and retraining your body to try out for the swim team next semester.

But the time came when you got sick for an entire week and missed so much material, especially calculus material.

But you were eternally saved by Namjoon himself.

Namjoon had requested to drop off the homework sheets and printed copies of his notes over to you. Everything was so detailed, and you were impressed with how organized everything seemed to be. You didn’t know what motivated you to reach for your phone on your bed and dial in his number. Maybe you felt like it deserved a personal thanks rather than a typed one.

“YN?” His voice on the other line sounded so surprised and there was so much noise on the other end. “Give me a second.” He excuses before you hear him move to another location, somewhere much quieter.

“How many times do I have to thank you for being an absolute saint?” Your voice sounded so stuffed. The flu was getting to you really bad, but you were recovering well. But he chuckles into the receiver and you are flipping through each page he had printed before you fall onto your bed, sighing blissfully. “I’m serious, Joon. I’ll say it a million times if I have to.”

“You’ve pulled my weight when I was off doing council work so much. I’m sure if I got sick, you’d do the exact same thing. It’s what partners do.” Namjoon is smiling from ear to ear; he was glowing, and no one was there to really witness it. “I – um, did you see my note attached at the back?”

You are now flipping through the pages frantically until you see a handwritten sticky note that read: “We have a quiz on the Monday you come back. I’m free this weekend if you wanted to study with me.” And there was even a little smiley face attached to it and you are experiencing a whirlwind of emotions.

“You have got to be fucking with me.” You can feel the panic starting to bubble in the pits of your belly, but you were trying not to let it show. “You’ve already done so much for me. I can’t rob you of your weekend. It’s just – It’s just too much.”

“I’m happy to do it, Ace. I promise.” The guy deserved everything in the world because he was too generous for the world and you weren’t so sure what you did to deserve such kindness.

“Ace?”

He chuckles embarrassingly into the receiver, chewing on his cheeks. “I – uh, it’s a nickname. I hope you don’t mind.” Suddenly, butterflies erupt from your stomach and there is a glow on your cheeks that you are very much aware of and you are curling into your bed with a shit eating grin on your face.

“I – I like it.” You sigh and Namjoon leans on the wall as he observes the rest of his friends and council members enjoy slices of pizza, taking a well-deserved break from preparing for the pep rally event coming up next week.

“So, is that a yes to a study session this Saturday?”

“Yes.” Your voice is small and hesitant because it feels like you’re doing something wrong when you were just having a quiz session with your calculus partner.

“Great. My place or yours?”

Namjoon insisted on coming over to your place because you were still recovering. Coincidentally, your parents had the weekend trip away with your dad’s work colleague for a wine tasting event. You debated whether you wanted to tell Sena that Namjoon was going to be arriving in an hour, but you soon realize that she was out with her friend’s house for a movie night session.

You had the place all to yourself and you were relieved and frantic all at once.

You busied yourself the entire day to make yourself look decent; brushed hair, brushed teeth, clean face, and fresh clothes. You throw used tissues into trash bins, changed your sheets, and kicked all of your dirty laundry into your hamper that had fallen on the carpeted floors. As you are jogging downstairs, you discover you have no food in the fridge, so you’d probably have to order a pizza or something to share with Namjoon.

Immediately, you question why you are so desperate to make the place and yourself so presentable when this was a mere tutoring session with your calculus partner?

The doorbell ringing prompts you to peek through the peep hole and you see him; he is wearing a regular white t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers. He has his hoodie thrown over his shoulder as he begins texting a message on his phone, waiting for you to open the door for him.

When you unlock the front door and open the door for him, you smile timidly at him.

“Hi,” You greet him nervously.

“Hey, Ace.” He waves before he examines how you look. Despite your red nose and tired eyes, he missed seeing your face for a week; he really did. You stood awkwardly fiddling with your fingers and he can sense just how anxious you are, so he decides to tread lightly. “May I come in?”

His tone is so polite which effectively allows you to open the door wider for him to enter. You are nodding and you close the door shut behind him, ensuring that you have locked them. “I – um, I can’t really offer you anything to eat since my parents are out of town, but we can order pizza, if you want. It’s what my sister and I usually do.”

“I’m more than okay with pizza.” He permits and you nod and begin walking to the living room. “Will we be working here?”

“We can work anywhere.” You announce. The conversation is so light, and you hate how quick yet reluctant you are to your responses. “I – I can get you a glass of water, if you’d like. I’ll just get my things from upstairs and bring them down to the living room.” You inform him and he nods as he is making himself comfortable on the couch.

You are scurrying off upstairs to go get your materials and catching your breath because you think you were holding your breath the entire time. You’re stalling because you’re making a check list of every single thing you need for downstairs to avoid seeing him or talking with him. Just when you are about to exit, you see him at the bottom of the stairs. He is examining each family portrait on the wall.

Your face is hot because you can only imagine how terrible you looked like a child, so you jog downstairs with your study materials to gain his attention. “I never really realized how much Sena looks like your dad.” Namjoon comments and you stop in your tracks, only to examine the portrait he is looking at. “Exact same nose and smile.”

You purse your lips into a thin line because you are reminded once again that he is probably only interested in getting to know Sena – there was always that possibility. You were so familiar with this feeling of discussing your sister with other people because – yes, she is absolutely beautiful and intelligent and there was no denying it.

“But you are like your mother.” He comments as he takes a closer look at your mom who seems to be so much more youthful. “The way she’s smiling here looks so much like the way you smile.” He describes and you allow him to explain more by staying silent. “When you smile, your nose kind of crinkles and the corners of your eyes creases and your dimples are a lot more –”

Your throat seizes because you’re flattered and aware that he has perfectly examined your appearance and all the features in what he sees. He grows silent and he is chuckling nervously, scratching the back of his hand to distract himself.

“Sorry that was… super random.” Namjoon clears his throat, and you are shaking your head before you point towards the living room.

“I – I’m ready now.”

Now, you’re desperately hoping Sena doesn’t come home too early from her friend’s house.

Hours have passed since Namjoon have gotten you caught up with all of the materials and have assisted you through last week’s homework sheets. Namjoon was impressed with how you can keep up despite your recovering condition. One minute, you were sneezing and wiping your nose clean and, the next minute, you have your lips pursed and brows furrowed as you are writing equations down on a separate piece of paper.

“I got a question for you.” Namjoon begins and you are still too busy piecing everything together for a specific word problem you wanted to master.

“Shoot.”

“Are you always this focused?” You are typing things into a calculator before you are erasing things on your paper and you turn to look at him, showing him the calculator.

“Is this the right answer?” You ignore his question for a moment.

He nods and you grin at him before you proceed onto the next word problem.

“If I’m a week’s worth of lessons behind, yes, I’m focused all the time.” Namjoon is shaking his head and he is in awe at how you are so quick at writing all the information; he notices how neat your handwriting is too. Namjoon checks his watch and realizes just how late it has been and he clears his throat as he looks out the window to see the sun has gone completely down.

“Will your sister be coming home tonight?” Namjoon notices that you stop writing – you stop solving the word problem that you are tackling because you, suddenly, realize that he is asking about your sister.

“She’s probably still at a friend’s house or something.” He senses the atmosphere has changed and you shift your mind back to the practice problem right in front of you. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason – well, I honestly thought she should be taking care of her recovering sister.” You snicker at his statement.

“She’s a great sister, but she’s not that great.” You quip, biting your tongue at how ridiculous he sounded. “I think we can all agree that she’s smart, charismatic, and ambitious. I will admit she’s a really considerate sister too, but she thinks caring for her ill sister is a parents’ job – not hers.”

“Okay, okay, I get it she’s amazing but not… amazing.” He raises his hands to surrender and his words coming out of his mouth urged you to inquire about his relationship with her.

“If you think she’s amazing, why don’t you date her?” The words came spilling out of your mouth uncontrollably. Maybe it was the meds, you thought. You see the grin disappear from Namjoon’s face into utter confusion and he tilts his head for further clarification. “What I mean is that… you’ve known her and worked with her for so long and she’s a great girl – I’m obviously really biased considering she’s my sister, but you two would make a… great couple.”

You didn’t believe that you were talking about this to Namjoon. You didn’t think you would have the guts to discuss this with him, but the opportunity came up and you took it. But you are faced with such an unfamiliar emotion. True discomfort arises at the pit of your stomach as Namjoon’s brows furrow together and he is shaking his head with the same boyish grin he always flaunted to the world.

“Ace, she’s great, but I… honestly see her as a friend.” He isn’t so sure how many times he’s reiterated those words before. Because little did you know, so many people have asked the exact same thing. Peers and colleagues in their class were very much aware of Sena’s not so little crush on Namjoon for quite some time.

“Well, I mean, isn’t that how all relationships really start? Becoming friends and then possibly developing feelings for each other? Most people always see each other as friends until one of them is aware of the others’ feelings, right?” Your tone was so quizzical. You were treating this conversation like it required rationale and logical reasoning to tackle the issue at hand.

But this wasn’t a problem the mind can solve.

“That’s the usual circumstance, yes.” He admits and he sees that you resume back to the worksheet. “But I’ve known Sena’s had a thing for me and, quite frankly, I’ve been interested in someone else for a while, remember?”

“Someone far more interesting than Sena?” You are in disbelief. You are trying to eliminate other people in school who is on the same social standing as your older sister. “That’s… not possible.” You breathe.

“You’re wrong.” You stop writing because you are retracing your steps on the word problem you are solving. He finds it so endearing how you can’t seem to understand that he is utterly into you, but you are so lost in numbers.

“No, don’t tell me, Joon. I’ve told you this hundreds of times –” You lift your head to look at him to accentuate your reminder; you didn’t want to know what you wrong, you wanted to solve the problem yourself unless you demanded the assistance yourself.

Normally, Namjoon would comply with your request. It was so rare for him to point out your mistake, but he figured this was the perfect time to do so.

“You’re so stubborn.” He breathes before he dives in.

You don’t complete your sentence. Because when you turn your head to look at him with pleading eyes, you are met with his pillowy petals on yours. Your cheeks heat instantaneously, and you can feel your heart leap from your chest.

His kisses were soft and slow. You don’t realize that he has already cupped your cheeks. You’ve never kissed anyone ever before but, for some reason, it was like you knew how to move your mouth against his. He was gentle but there was a certain control he possessed. You pull away momentarily to breathe and, suddenly, you feel the heat of his tongue swipe on your lower lip. A shuddered whimper leaves your mouth before you are regrettably pulling away from addiction.

“N – no, that’s not possible.” You’re still in denial from the events that occurred. “Sena – she’d be so… betrayed if she –” Your brain is glitching and it didn’t help that you can taste the mint of his lips on yours.

“Listen, Ace, for one moment stop thinking about Sena and answer me honestly.” Namjoon positions his body to look straight onto you. “Do you feel the same way I do or not?”

“I don’t – I don’t know.” You shrug before avoiding his eyes. “I – I shouldn’t like you.” You sigh defeated and you are covering your face. You were ashamed not because you like him, but because you didn’t understand what you were really feeling, and you didn’t understand what you wanted to do. “Why – why do you like me?”

“You’re hardworking and incredibly intelligent.”

“I know plenty of other girls who are… exactly the same.”

“Your tastes in book are impeccable. You’re selfless to a degree that I can’t quite comprehend. You keep to yourself, but when you speak your mind, it leaves a lasting impression. Listen, YN, I can keep going, but you can’t… keep doubting my feelings for you.” Namjoon justifies and it was a tough pill to swallow.

You were too stunned to say anything. Too many emotions flooding your brain and it took too long for it to process, so you remained expressionless. Namjoon found it incredibly difficult for him to read your face.

“Ace, it’s really hard to tell how you’re feeling right now.” He points out and you understand just how awkward you sat there; head spinning with so many things to say but very little coming out of your mouth.

“I – I don’t know what you want me to say.” You admit. “I’m not sure what you’re expecting out of me with a confession like this. If I don’t feel the same way, what would’ve happened? If I do feel the same way, what – what was I supposed to do?”

“Well, for starters, do you actually feel the same way as I do?”

“I – I do.” You croak to respond to his inquiry. “I – I don’t think I’ve ever admitted that to myself either, but… I think I like you.”

A wave of relief washed over Namjoon, but there’s a bit of relief for you too. It’s out in the open now, and you know that there’s nothing really you can do about it. There’s a very content grin plastered right across his handsome face, but it slowly transforms into a frown as he realizes that, despite your feelings for each other, nothing will change between the both of you.

“Namjoon, we can’t be anything more than friends.” You realize the unfortunate circumstances the both of you were in. “It’s not fair to my sister. I don’t think it’s very fair to make me choose between you and my sister. I – I don’t think it’s very fair that… you’re in this position.”

Your heart swelled just moments ago, and you can feel it crumble into pieces as the words come spilling out of your lips.

“I understand.” He agrees softly and you perk up at his acquiescence. “I’m not going to force you to be in that position, Ace.” The reassurance softens your tense form, and his fingers cradle your chin, lifting up to be at eye level with you.

“But when you’re ready to reconsider... us, I’ll be waiting.”

↪ Please stay tuned for the next part!

#namjoon fic #namjoon imagine #namjoon fluff #namjoon angst #namjoon x reader

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gwynrielendgame · 4 years ago

Text

Gwyncien part 5 (last part)

Thank you to all who supported this short little story! It really kept me motivated. This is the last part. I’m gonna be honest this part is not as edited at the other parts but I finished it and wanted to get it out to all of you so thank you!

Warning: the smallest amount possible of smut at the end.

Gwyn's body jolted as they hit the ground. Lucien let out an annoyed huff while straightening out his jacket. The wards around the House of Wind truly made winnowing in unfavorable. As soon as she stabled herself though, she felt a rush of happiness.

Home.

It was her only thought. She missed this place- the smell, the comfort, the people. She started to buzz with excitement at the thought of Nesta and Emerie.

"You made sure someone brought Emerie here?" Gwyn double checked with Lucien. He simply nodded while giving her a sad smile. The moment was bitter sweet. She was happy to be reunited with her sisters, but she would miss her newest friend. She threw her arms around him in a tight hug. He returned it just as fiercely.

"Thank you for all that you did for me. It means more than I could ever express." She buried her head in his hair and took a deep breath. He smelled of roasted chestnuts and a summers day. She would miss it.

"I know a way you could make it up to me." He said as he pulled away. Gwyn looked at him expectantly.

"Promise me I will see you again soon." A soft smile graced Gwyn's face.

"I promise." She wanted to show her sisters the Band of Exiles castle anyways. They would love it. Lucien smiled broadly before dropping a kiss on her forehead next to her invoking stone.

She finally decided to wear it as all the priestesses do. Lucien took her to Sangravah to see Catrin's grave. She had been so sad and angry that she almost destroyed the stone right then and there. She did not deserve the stone while her sister's body lay cold in a grave. But then Lucien took her to meet the priestesses and children that had rebuilt the temple. The children that Gwyn had saved. They all remembered her and flattered her in compliments and hugs. The called her their hero and said that they were petitioning to make that dreadful anniversary known as Berdara day. In honor of the twins who sacrificed so much to protect those children. Gwyn cried for a week straight after that. Once her emotions leveled out though, she began to wear the stone. The children had been a distant memory that she forgot about while grieving for her sister. Seeing them, happy and healthy, reminded her that the sacrifice was not in vein. She may have failed Catrin but she did not fail those children. It was one more thing that made her grateful for Lucien.

Gwyn took one last look at Lucien before he winnowed away. She turned back towards the door, took a deep breath, and headed straight for the personal library. She was so excited she thought she might throw up. She wished she had kept her composure to walk the entire way there, but as she came closer and closer to the library, her feet began moving faster and faster until she was practically running. The moment she burst through the doors she scanned the room for the two females. She found them sitting side by side, each with a book in their hands. It made Gwyn smile broadly. They both whipped their heads up at the same time- startled. Nesta reacted first, practically throwing herself at Gwyn. Emerie was close behind, and then they were crushing Gwyn in a hug.

"Gwyn!" Nesta cried. Emerie just squeezed her tighter.

Home.

Gwyn felt completely at ease now that she was reunited with her sisters. She had missed them so unbearably that she almost forced Lucien to bring her back several different times. She was afraid that if she came back, she would not have left again. After a very lengthy hug, the girls pulled apart. Nesta was subtly trying to wipe tears away which only served in making Gwyn start to cry herself.

"We missed you." Emerie said softly while running her hand over Gwyn's hair. It was such a comforting gesture that Gwyn forced another hug from the Illyrian female.

"I missed you two more than anything." Gwyn pulled back from Emerie so that she could grab both of their hands. She pulled them over to the couch and forced them to sit down next to her.

"You better explain why you ran off with Lucien and you better do it right now because I am angry with you so I want a good explanation before I start yelling." Nesta warned with a hardened expression. Gwyn squeezed her hand and gave her a small smile.

"Lucien helped me with some things." Gwyn did not even know how to start explaining everything that had happened. She knew Lucien did not want her telling anyone of their ancestry, but Emerie and Nesta did not count. At least in Gwyn's mind they didn't.

"Things we could not help you with?" Emerie asked. Gwyn could hear the touch of hurt in her voice and suddenly felt very guilty. She never imagined they would blame themselves. She should have known better though, especially with Nesta.

"You cannot repeat what I am about to tell you to anyone." She gave them both a pointed look but it got a snort from Nesta.

"Who would I possibly tell other than Cassian?" She rolled her eyes with a slight laugh. Gwyn continued to give her a serious look.

"You cannot tell Cassian or Mor either. They will feel obligated to tell Rhys. This information is dangerous for me and I need to know before I tell you that it will stay between us three." She squeezed both their hands again. Nesta and Emerie shared a look before giving her a concerned one.

"We promise. We would never do anything to endanger you, Gwyn." Emerie insisted as Nesta nodded in agreement. Gwyn took a deep breath before explaining.

"Lucien's my grandfather. After the autumn court high lord killed Lucien's lover, him and a brother hid my mother at Sangravah." Emerie's eyes widened comically while Nesta took this in with a straight face.

"Holy shit. That makes you the only living heir to the day court." Emerie muttered. Gwyn's brows furrowed in confusion.

"The day court?" Nesta inquired on the same topic that Gwyn was confused about. The winged female gave them a sheepish look.

"Shit. I wasn't supposed to say anything." She gave a deep sigh. "Mor told me that Helion is Lucien's real father and that would make Lucien the only known offspring of Helion." Gwyn wasn't sure how she felt about that.

"Does this mean you'll get a real Pegasus?" Nesta pondered. It made Gwyn smile thinking of the tiny Pegasus the house conjured for them.

"I would demand weekends with it if so." Emerie added while leaning back on the side of the couch to fully face the other two females.

"Well anyways, Lucien helped me with some things regarding Sangravah." Gwyn directed the conversation back on topic. She did not want to think about being the future heir to some random court. "I did not ask for your help because I did not want to be dependent on you two. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it on my own. Trust me, it had nothing to do with not wanting your help. There were so many times I almost forced Lucien to bring me back." Nesta looked at the priestess and a smile finally graced her face.

"You are wearing your invoking stone." Gwyn blushed and looked down at her hands. Nesta was one of the only people she had confided in about why she never wore it and she had only done that because she knew that Nesta would understand.

"I am."

"Are you happy?" Nesta asked wearily. The blunt female was not a fan of Lucien's for some reason.

"I am now that I am home. I have so much to tell you, but I might still need to process some of it before then." Gwyn warned. She may not be ready to give them all the answers that they needed or wanted. Gwyn put both her arms around both the females shoulders, tugging them in closer to her.

"You know just by the way, you could have given Az a heads up about your departure. I had to convince him that Papa Lucien did not kidnap you for nefarious revenge plans." Nesta responded after awhile of comfortable silence. Gwyn cringed while Emerie cackled over Lucien's new nickname.

"I figured his shadows told him." She shrugged. It's not her fault if he was being a bad spy master. He should have known Lucien did not kidnap her. Nesta gave a small smirk while nestling her head into the crook of Gwyn's neck. Emerie mimicked the gestured and suddenly all three of them were cuddling on the couch. It made the priestess feel safe.

"Mor said he finally confronted her about their situation." Nesta's eyebrows shot up into her hairline. Gwyn was just as surprised. The Shadowsinger practically ran screaming from emotions.

"How did that go?" The red headed female asked incredulously. She also had no idea why he would chose now when he was finally with Elain to have that conversation.

"Good? I did not get a lot of details but Mor seemed happy." They all sat in another comfortable silence again. There was so much to say on both sides. Gwyn was sure she had missed out on a lot, but they all knew they just wanted to enjoy each other's presence for a bit.

"Hey Nes-" Cassian stopped mid-sentence when he saw the priestess as he strode into the library. A huge smile broke out on his face. "Gwyn!"

"Hey Cas." She gave a small wave as all three girls sat upright on the couch. They all moved over some so Cassian could sit next to Nesta. It was a tight squeeze especially with his wings but they made it work.

"Shit, I have missed you, Berdara. Training is not the same without you. Please tell me you have kept up with it." He berated her like the good trainer he was.

Gwyn gave a short laugh. If only he knew what she had been doing to keep up with her training. She knew he would approve though. She truly had missed Cassian. Nesta and his bickering was a high quality form of entertainment for both Gwyn and Emerie. She also missed his quite encouragement and lame jokes, she would never admit to the latter, though.

"I have missed you as well." He gave Nesta a peck on the cheek which caused a smile to bloom on her face. They were sickeningly adorable.

"Are you coming tonight?" He asked.

"What's tonight?" He obviously did not know that Gwyn just arrived back. They had no time to discuss anything other than her trip.

"Oh I forgot to mention. Remember Balthazar? The guy that helped Emerie and I in the blood rite? Well Feyre and Rhys are throwing him a party in windhaven for not killing us." Nesta rolled her eyes. Clearly, she did not feel that was worth celebrating

"Seems kind of like the bare minimum." Emerie muttered the same thing that Nesta must be thinking. "No need to throw a party for letting us live." Emerie mimicked Nesta with an eye roll of her own.

"Sounds fun.” Gwyn could not stop the sarcasm that flooded her voice. “But I will go anyways.” She relented.

"Really?" Cassian was clearly surprised as he looked at her with raised eyebrows. Gwyn watched as he subtly set his hand on Nesta’s shoulder and rubbed his thumb back and forth. Part of Gwyn felt jealous. She wanted to experience that type of intimacy with someone- with Az. She let out a sigh.

"Yeah. I have had a very enlightening five months. I think I am ready to brave windhaven in a showy dress while everyone schmoozes the high lord and lady." Emerie and Nesta both cheered at that while Cassian gave her his biggest smile. It made her laugh.

"Azriel is at the River house. Want me to take you there?" Cassian suddenly changed the topic. Gwyn narrowed her eyes at him. She most definitely did not want to see the Shadowsinger right now. Besides, she still had so much to discuss with her sisters.

"I can only take so many reunions at once. Perhaps his could wait."

Gwyn had never felt this confident. Her normal anxieties were still there, but it was not nearly as overwhelming as it once had been. She felt a little guilty for crashing Balthazar's "thank you for not killing my sister in the blood rite" party, however, she knew the male would not care much. She glanced at herself one last time in the mirror- only to feel that a stranger was looking back at her. For the first time in front of her friends, she wore her invoking stone atop her head. The color matched her dress very well. It was quite a scandalous dress by her standards even if Nesta had said it had nothing on a few of Feyre's court of nightmare dresses. The neckline went up relatively high while the back dipped down low enough to barely reach her tailbone. It left her entire back exposed. There were very few scars there which made her much more comfortable than some of the dresses with low cut necklines. The waistline came in tight enough for Gwyn to struggle to breathe. Luckily, the skirt was flowy with a slit in the side that showed off one of her legs as well as her dagger which was sheathed to her thigh. It was very unlike Gwyn. She would not wear it again, but once for a grand entrance seemed like as good of a time as ever. Lucien bought the dress for her before realizing how scandalous it really was. He saw the color and was reminded of her eyes which she apparently got from Jesminda. She tried it on once for him which resulted in him stumbling over his words in a very un-Lucien manner. He told her he would return it at once and then begged for forgiveness. It was a bit of an overreaction that had her giggling for a decent amount of time. She told him she would keep it and wear it when she was ready. She knew she would be ready when she could walk out of the door without changing. She allowed herself five more minutes of staring before heading upstairs to the House of Wind. Cassian, Nesta, Emerie, and Mor would all be waiting for her up there. She did not quite expect the reaction she received. All four of them stared at her, wide-eyed, for longer than socially acceptable. Gwyn almost asked if she should change, but then Nesta and Emerie were gushing over the dress, Mor was demanding to know where she got it from, and Cassian gave her a shy compliment. The anxiety released her chest as everyone went back to discussing their original conversation.

It appeared the high lord and lady did not spare a single expense for this party. Food and alcohol was everywhere, music played loudly, and everyone was dancing. The dances were different than the ones Gwyn was used to, but Emerie showed her a few of the steps. She had gotten so good at one of them that a crowd formed around the three sisters as they held hands and danced around in a circle, adding in different kicks and twirls on beat. Gwyn had laughed more tonight than she had since Catrin’s death. Perhaps everything was finally falling into place for Gwyn to live her life unafraid. Exhaustion pulled Gwyn from the dance floor and back onto the dais where the high lord and lady stood- deep in discussion. Gwyn did not interrupt them, instead opting to stand by herself for a moment in order to catch her breathe. She chugged her cup of water that was much harder to find than it should have been. She was not alone long before a male approached her.

She recognized the red-haired fae. She was trying to remember how she knew him, but it just barely kept slipping her mind. Based on his looks, he was from the autumn court which made Gwyn wonder why he was even here in the first place. To Rhysand and Feyre's surprise, the male asked to dance with her. Before she could accept or decline though, her high lord interrupted.

"No." Gwyn's eyebrows raised to her hairline. He did not speak for her. Now or ever.

"Rhys," Feyre began, shifting her eyes from her mate to the quickly angering priestess. "I do believe Gwyn has a voice of her own." The couple shared a look before turning to her. The red haired male looked as annoyed as Gwyn felt.

"Gwyneth, I apologize for speaking on your behalf, but he is not to be trusted. He is dangerous." He continued to dig himself further into a hole. Gwyn was the last person to openly trust a strange male, but she could handle her own. Especially against him.

"And here I thought we were allies." The strange male rolled his eyes with his sarcastic comment. All three of them ignored him.

"Do you see me warning you away from every female in this room?" It was a rhetorical question, but her point was made. "How would you like me to throw Amarantha in your face every chance I got under the guise of protection? If I want your opinion on a dancing partner, I will ask." She was a blunt person, but she was not typically so harsh. The overwhelming pity that Rhysand sent her way brought the ugliness out of her in a way that many others have not been able to do. She could see the guilt on his face. She also saw the flinch when she uttered Amarantha's name and she wished more than anything that she could take it back. Just because he reminded her of Sangravah every chance he got did not mean she had to stoop to his level.

"I apologize. Obviously, you may dance with whomever you chose." He bowed his head to her and flourished an arm towards the waiting male. Feyre was too busy watching Rhysand to add anything more. Gwyn supposed they were having an internal conversation. She stepped down from the dais to follow the male onto the dancing floor. She did not want to dance with him in particular. Truly, she only wanted to dance with Azriel who had yet to make an appearance, but she was curious. That nagging feeling at the back of her mind said that she knew him. He grabbed one of her hands to hold and placed his other at her hip. The placement at her hip was odd. Typically, that was reserved for more intimate dances between couples, but that was not why he did it. Her back was completely exposed due to the dress. He must have figured this would be better for her. She narrowed her eyes at him. He must know Lucien and therefore who she is to him.

"Eris Vanserra." He finally announced as they began their dance. "Pleasure to officially meet you." Gwyn met his stare. It was surprisingly soft. Lucien's brother she realized. This could be good or bad depending on which brother he is she contemplated. She had only heard wicked things about all his brothers except when Lucien was discussing her mother. He mentioned a brother helped him hide her mother.

"We have met before." She said it as a statement of fact, but in truth it was a question. He gave her a wicked grin before twirling her.

"We have."

"Where?" He twirled her once more before glancing over his shoulder at Rhysand. He must be listening in.

"Sangravah." Was all he said. It was all she needed to remember. He came to the services Sangravah held on Sunday's. It was not every Sunday, but enough of them to recognize him. He sat in a pew in the back and watched. He never participated. Catrin complained one time that she felt he was watching her. Gwyn had brushed it off as mere paranoia- she knew better now though. She wanted to respond with a million different questions; however, she was expected to be vague with prying ears around.

"Why?" Was all she could muster. If Lucien was not willing to risk a visit, then why was he? She was searching his eyes for any clues only to discover a hint of sadness that was quickly covered up.

"To remind myself that it was worth it." The music stopped as the dance came to an end, so he moved his mouth to her ear to continue. It would have seemed an intimate moment to anyone watching. Truly, it was only an uncle speaking a secret to his great niece. "That all I had become to save her was worth it."

Before she could respond she felt a sharp tug on her mate bond, a whisper of a shadow on her wrist, and then Azriel launched himself at Eris.

"For fucks sake." Cassian could be heard muttering as a brawl ensued between the pair. Gwyn couldn't help but agree. Punches were thrown back and forth, but once truth teller had been drawn, Gwyn did the only thing she could think of. She lightly scraped her nails on the back of Azriel's wings. Almost immediately he wrenched himself away from Eris to give her a startled look- his wings tucking in tight. Luckily, Cassian chose that time to insert himself into the fight and hold Eris back.

"Do not do that again." Azriel gave her an intimidating look, but she did not balk from him. Not now.

"Do not give me that attitude, Shadowsinger." She returned his stare with such intensity that he finally looked away.

She turned to Eris who now looked much worse than her mate. He was wiping blood from his nose with the end of his sleeve. She quickly wrapped her arms around his neck and gave a tight squeeze. He barely had time to return the hug before she pulled away. Everyone was clearly shocked, but it mattered little to Gwyn. This dangerous and cruel male had gone against his abusive father to save her mother. He had risked his future as high lord by visiting her and Catrin. It was not all that long ago that Gwyn thought she had no family. Then she met Nesta and Emerie and now she had a grandfather who loved her despite knowing little of her and a great uncle who cared for her enough to risk all he had tried to achieve. It made her feel a little less alone in this world.

"Thank you." Was all she uttered before turning back to her mate who had the audacity to be glaring daggers at Eris. She narrowed her eyes at him before grabbing him by his hand and tugging him all the way to the exit. She could see him about to speak so she stopped him.

"No. No speaking. Show me to a private room so I can scream at you for a solid five minutes and then I shall allow you to speak." She was fuming mad at the arrogance of this male. He was in a completely committed relationship with another female and he had the audacity to attack her dance partner. He took her down a long hallway, his shadows twirling around him in chaos. His wings were tense even as his face gave off an air of cool indifference. He took a sharp turn and then they were in an empty bedroom.

"I have been back for a total of six hours and before I can even utter a word to you, you have gone and fought Eris Vanserra of all people? Really Azriel I am starting to get whiplash from you. One second you are proclaiming your love for Elain Archeron and the next you are attempting murder on my dance partner. What would you like from me? Because I was hoping we could start off with a pleasant conversation but I suppose that is too much to ask for?" She was glaring him down which was not something anyone else had ever done. While he was beautiful, his icy cruelty laid right beneath the surface. It was enough for everyone to walk on eggshells around him. Even some of his closest friends. Gwyn had never done that though and she would not start now. He looked down at his feet as his shadows went still. Perhaps they also realized they were in trouble.

"You are wearing your invoking stone." He peeked at the stone that lay across her forehead before glancing out the window. She huffed in frustration.

"This is the first you have seen of me in five months and that's all you have to say?" Her glare turned more incredulous.

"You never wore it before." He paused to glance up at her before continuing. "You look beautiful." Gwyn groaned in frustration. This male would be the death of her. She sat at the edge of the bed in the middle of the room. After a moments pause, he followed suit and sat next to her with a small gap in between them. It was silent for another moment.

"I am sorry Gwyneth. My shadows refuse to tell me anything about you and I assumed the worse when I saw Eris whispering into your ear. The mate bond has become harder to control the longer you have been gone as well." She could agree with that. Her own mate bond had become more and more incessant the longer she had been gone. It was like a buzzing in her mind that would not stop. She wondered how Elain managed.

"Lucien, and I suppose now Eris, are important to me Azriel. I cannot explain why quite yet, but it is important to me that you try to be polite specifically with Lucien. Okay?" It was probably more information than she should give. She wanted to be clear with him. He gave her a curious look. He wanted to ask more that was for sure.

"Okay." He whispered. They both looked down at their hands. His were laid loosely on his thighs while hers were clasped tightly together in her lap. "Elain and I decided it would be best if we stopped..." he trailed off at the end, braving a glimpse at her. She was surprised by this. Perhaps Elain's visit to the Band of Exile's was not to reject Lucien. Almost two weeks ago, Gwyn had bumped into Elain in the castle. Their conversation was awkward and brief, but Gwyn thought for sure that the beautiful female had come to reject the mating bond with Lucien.

"Why?" Was all Gwyn could muster. She suddenly felt so tired.

"After our kiss," he started. His hands ran up and down his thighs and she realized he was nervous. She grabbed one of his hands with her own and squeezed. "Nothing had ever lived up to that. I had been chasing what Elain represented that I forgot what I was missing out on. I don't want Elain now and maybe I never truly did. I know I don't deserve it, but I would like a chance to be with you Gwyn. We can go as slow as you like." His sudden proclamation was hurting her head. It was like sensory overload.

"What makes me different from Elain?" She didn't want him to make this decision solely because they were mated. She wanted this to be different. She squeezed his hand tighter.

"You see me for who I am and you aren't phased. You have never hesitated before grabbing my hands. You didn't even so much as blink at my shadows the first time you saw them. You understand why I hold myself to such high standards and you aren't scared of me." He looked directly into her eyes to make sure she understood that every word was true. He wanted her to see him be vulnerable. His stare was so intense that she had to look away before responding.

"I missed you." She gave him a small smile. "But I have been missing you for much longer than I have been gone. I miss my friend. You were so much more to me than just my mate when it snapped into place and I feel like we lost that along the way. This has nothing to do with what you deserve, Azriel. I want you to know that. But right now I would really love my friend back. We can see where the future leads us later." It was not the speech she planned to give him when she thought he was still with Elain, but it was true. They both still had so much to deal with even now. She wanted to deal with it with her friend by her side though. His shoulders slumped slightly which had the mate bond clenching tightly in her chest. After a moment though, his head lifted and he gave her a brilliant smile. One she had never seen from him before and she realized she would do just about anything to see it again.

"I would love to be your friend, Gwyneth Berdara." He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him. She let out a content sigh as she put her arms around his neck. Her head rest on his shoulder as his head lay atop hers. His shadows were moving languidly as though they were also happy.

"Can I ask a favor of you though?" He mumbled against her hair. She nodded slightly.

"Can I ask that you not touch my wings in public again?" His tone was almost pleading. She quickly looked up at him putting a couple inches between them.

"Oh gods! I'm sorry. Did it hurt? Nesta mentioned that they were sensitive once and I figured it would be the easiest way to stop you from killing Eris." She didn't mean to be too rough, but she also wasn't familiar with Illyrian wings. He gave her a sheepish look. A slight blush gracing his cheeks.

"Um, that's not what she meant by sensitive." He glanced at her before laying his head on top of hers again to avoid eye contact. "It's just not something that one does with Illyrian wings in public." There was heavy insinuation in his voice, but Gwyn could not figure out why. What could she possibly be missing?

"Well we aren't in public now? Could I do it now?" If he wouldn't outright tell her, perhaps she could threaten it out of him. She brought her hand up to his wing only for him to quickly grab it and push her away. She started to laugh as his face grew even redder. "Az, just tell me. Are you ticklish?" It was just too easy to tease him. He held both of her wrists between his hands to keep her at bay.

"Gwyn, I am begging you, which I never do if I must add, please do not touch them unless you would like to act out a scene from one of your romance novels." He truly was begging. She smiled until his words finally caught up to her. Now it was her that was blushing like crazy. Nesta was going to get an earful for being woefully stubborn with details.

"Sorry!" Was all she could splutter out like a fool. She quickly shoved her hands in her lap. Azriel began laughing very loudly as realization of what she almost did hit her. Oh, how the tables have turned she thought. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and tugged her closer, dropping a kiss on her head.

"I truly have missed you, Gwyn. Tell me everything."

Sometime in the future

Gwyn felt a tickle on her bare back. She tried to ignore it and go back to sleep by burying her head further into her pillow. Another tickle brushed against her. She swatted at her back which was more difficult than she wanted to admit considering she was laying on her stomach. One last tickle had her groaning as she finally popped her eyes open. She immediately gave the Shadowsinger a glare.

"I was trying to sleep." She mumbled, her voice still sleep laced. He gave her a charming smile back.

"Keep sleeping. I was just rubbing your back for you." He had the look of innocence perfected, but Gwyn new better.

It was hard to stay mad at him when he looked like that though. She moved closer to him while he laid on his side. She wrapped her arms and legs around him until she pushed him onto his back with her on top. An ornery grin graced his face as she nuzzled her face into the crook of his neck. He began to run his hands up and down her bare thighs. It made her shutter. The warmth from his chest stopped her bare chest from being chilled by the temperature of the room. She loved waking up this way with her mate. She quickly discovered that neither of them slept too often- nightmares always finding them in their sleep. They stayed up most nights playing chess or singing or training or...doing other things. Gwyn was always curious about the scenes she read from Nesta and Emerie's romance books. Azriel was certainly willing to demonstrate for her. After one particular, evening session Gwyn profusely apologized for touching Azriel's wings in public all that time ago. It made her embarrass to know exactly how close she had been to bringing Azriel to his knees in front of all those people. She thought she might never live it down if it had happened.

"What are you thinking about?" Azriel asked while playing with Gwyn's hair. His shadows were wrapping all around her in a way that made her feel safe especially when they were being this intimate.

"You." She immediately answered with a grin while dropping a quick kiss on to his chin.

"I would hope so." He gave her one last devilish smile before leaning up to kiss her. Right as she began to grind though, Az pulled away.

"Sorry, Carynthian. That is not why I woke you." He teased. Gwyn rolled her eyes at the nickname. He loved to call her that simply to remind her of all she had accomplished. She felt he was bragging about her just a little too much.

"Well then why did you wake me?" She lifted a singular eyebrow but he only laughed her off. He sat up with her still in his lap and started to carry her towards their bathroom.

"Nyx's party will be starting soon." He set her down on the counter before getting the bath water ready. Gwyn lifted one of her legs, so that her foot could rest on the counter as well. If he was going to tease her, well then two could play at that game. Even during times like these, both of their competitive streaks came out. It was always a game to see who could get who to cave first. The look Az gave her when he turned around told her that she won this round. Before dropping to his knees in front of her though, he grabbed her face and pressed a harsh kiss to her lips.

"I love you, Gwyneth Berdara." And then she was screaming her love for Azriel, over and over again.

They were both late to the party. Neither of them cared.

The end

#gwyncien #gwynriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel #lucien vanserra #acotar #acosf #nesta archeron #emerie #cassian #eris vanserra #rhysand #feyre archeron

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beauvibaby · 4 years ago

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wrong - t.seguin

a/n: this gif has no correlation to the story but it made me smile so

summary: you and Tyler have your first big fight

You were happily working in your own little bubble, occasionally petting Marshall’s head as he nudged your knees. You were sitting on Tyler’s bed, your laptop on your legs as you edited the photos you had just taken, proud of yourself for finally starting to get your own little photography business off the ground, of course you had help from Tyler, but you never asked, he always offered and after being together for over a year you decided you both were stable enough to allow him to help. Never financially though, you refused to let him do that, but here or there he’d mention your name to some people, or post a picture that you had taken, the little things. You heard the front door open and shut, followed by the dogs rushing down the hallway, nearly sliding into each other as they rushed to greet Tyler. “Hey, hey guys.” He cheered, lightly cooing down to the dogs, you didn’t have to see him to know there was a smile on his face. You slid your laptop to the side. Your feet lightly slapping against the hard floors as you made your way to see Tyler, “hey, babe.” You mumbled, he glanced over, smiling softly. The summer was quickly wrapping up and it was time for his training to really step up a notch, and you knew that would mean less time together, you’d been through it once before and you knew when the season started it would also be even harder, with away games and interviews and practice on top of practice. You were prepared for that, both of you were, but you weren’t prepared for how his attitude would start to change over the coming months.

“Hey.” He sighed in return, walking over and kissing you quickly, you hid the small frown at his greeting, normally it was more enthusiastic but you could tell he looked a little tired, a little stressed, so you brushed it off. “You look nice.” You complimented, you knew he had just finished some interviews, hence the reason he was in a button up instead of his usual shirt or hoodie. “Thank you, baby.” He responded, continuing his walk to the bedroom, the dogs following him happily, you in turn, followed them, hoping his mood would turn around once he got a good shower and some rest. “I’m taking a shower.” He paused in the doorway, some of his usual spunk returning, “care to join me?” He teased, smirking at you. Normally you would humor him, although nine times out of ten nothing actually happened in the shower, it was what the showed led to. “I would, but I really need to finish editing these pictures, there was a miscommunication and she needs them sooner than I thought.” You explained, pouting at him. “Alright.” He shrugged it off, shooting you a small smile, you sighed and climbed back into your spot on the bed, quickly getting back to work, only to find yourself angry when you unlocked the laptop to see that it hadn’t saved the editing you’d already done and now you had to start all over. “Damn it!” You groaned, sloppily tying your hair back, annoyance running through you, quickly, you started trying to get caught up, but it just wasn’t the same and you were growing frustrated with how different it was looking than before.

Tyler walked back out of the bathroom, hair a little damp as he shrugged a shirt on, you glanced up at him with tired eyes, “you alright?” He asked, seeing the look on your face. “No, my stupid computer didn’t save anything I had already done, I’m going to be up late trying to finish.” You explained, beginning to move off the bed, “I’ll go work in the living room, I know you have to get up early tomorrow.” You added, seeing the time, it wasn’t that late, but you did in fact know he had to be up extremely early for training tomorrow. “No, you can stay.” He assured you, sitting beside you, “it’s fine, I’d rather know you’re in here working.” He pulled you in for a kiss, silently making up for his slight attitude earlier. “Are you sure?” You questioned, not wanting him to hold it against you. Tyler shimmied down the bed, his head resting on the pillow as he lazily draped an arm over your legs. “I’m sure.” He mumbled, sleepily watching you, occasionally he’d ask a question, you’d give him an answer that would make him laugh, “that makes no sense”. Eventually you could tell he’d fallen asleep beside you, and you smiled down at him, leaning over to kiss his head, he moved a little but didn’t budge, only rolling into you a little more as you continued away.

***

That’s how most nights went, for a while, occasionally you’d be able to get everything edited before Tyler was home, but most nights you’d just started when he got home, most of the people you did photos for wanted them at sunset. You’d been able to start scheduling things a bit better and have more time with Tyler but now as his schedule started to change with the season starting, you could tell he was getting overwhelmed, and quite honestly a little snippy towards you. They had just completed the third game of the season, and they lost, which was never a good thing but he was taking it particularly hard. “Are you almost done?” He snapped, impatiently watching the tv as you finished up your work, you turned to him slowly, raising your brows. “Yes?” You responded, it came out slightly like a question at his sudden attitude. “You’re always on that damn computer.” He grumbled, watching as you turned it off, setting it aside. You sat up from your spot on the couch, looking at him, “I’m sorry, I’m working.” You responded, knowing your words were only going to egg him on. This time he looked at you, “you’re never here anymore, like really here.” He deadpanned. You scoffed at his words, “I’m here, I’m always here, you’re the one who comes home and puts hockey highlights on, trying to figure out what you could’ve done better.” You snapped, not meaning too, but it was too late now as he raised his eyebrows. “That’s my job, Y/N. I need to keep getting better.” He snapped, standing up, you followed, shaking your head, “and that’s mine!” You pointed to the computer. “You’re not the only one who works.” You added with a pointed voice. He rolled his eyes, and the words he said nearly knocked all the air out of your lungs.

“Oh right I’m sorry, because taking pictures is how we’re paying for our life right?” He hissed and the second he met your eyes he realized what he said, “you ass.” You whispered, he started shaking his head. “No, no, you know I didn’t mean that!” He panicked, which on some level made you feel better because you knew he didn’t entirely mean it, but if he said it, surely he’s thought it, or heard it from other people. “I can’t do it? Is that what you’re saying?!” You let the emotion overcome you, pointing an accusing finger at him. “You supported me, you didn’t have to, and I’ll be damned if you’re going to talk down to me like this when I refused to take your help for more than a year of you asking!” You snapped, he fell silent, lips pursed together as he watched you. When he didn’t say anything you shook your head, gathering your things that were scattered around the living room. “What are you doing?” He asked, not moving, you rolled your eyes, feeling the tears run down your face. “I’m going to stay in the guest room tonight, or until you realize how much your words fucking hurt.” You whispered, “baby, don’t cry.” Tyler finally showed some remorse, but you refused to turn to putty again, “no, Tyler. I can’t believe you would say that, and I know I said something‘s I shouldn’t have either, but I would never put down your career choice.” And with that, you did the one thing your mother always told you not to do, you both went to bed angry with each other.

***

Tyler has another game today, and you were already supposed to be going, but when you woke up in the morning he was already gone, all you had was a text that said good morning. Your mind raced with the thoughts of last night, the words you exchanged, the lack of I love you’s. It killed you, and you felt the anxiety rising in your chest, what if this was the end, what if- your phone ringing cut off the thoughts running through your head. You saw Jamie’s name on the screen and immediately panicked, did something happen? “Hello?” You rushed, and Jamie sighed, “I don’t know what the hell happened between you two, but Tyler is like a fucking zombie.” He explained and you felt a little relieved, as horrible as it sounds, but at least you knew he couldn’t rest well after last night either. “I’ll be at the game, I’m sorry if he’s an ass today, we-it was a nasty fight.” You stammered out, biting the corner of your mouth as Jamie sighed, you could picture the way he ran his hand over his face whenever he was stressed, “it’s fine, just work it out, okay? Tyler isn’t the best without you.” Is all he responded with, you both said a quick goodbye and you rushed to your feet, going to get ready.

You took an unbelievably hot shower, wanting to feel as clean as possible, which no amount of water could do as you felt bad to your heart for how things went. You blew dry your hair, putting on some simple makeup, and your signature game day outfit. Skinny jeans and a Seguin jersey of course.

This was the most nerve wracking you’ve ever felt going to a game, simply because you haven’t seen him since last night. You made your way to the seats, and every time Tyler skated by, even during warmups, he didn’t look over, like he thought you wouldn’t be there.

It felt like forever and a day, but finally, finally he looked up and you could see the shock on his face when he met your eyes. You were right beside the glass, like always, you simply smiled at him, and both of your worries seemed to ease up. That was until you were watching him play and he got barreled into the wall. You shot to your feet, nothing but panic filling you when he took longer than usual to get up. When he took longer than this to get up, you knew it wasn’t good, Jamie skated over, helping Tyler to his feet, Tyler’s eyes were squeezed shut in pain, his head hanging a little low as he made his way off the ice. He disappeared down the tunnel, and you anxiously waited to hear them say he wasn’t returning, but it never happened. You looked over and saw him walking back out, sitting with the other guys on the bench like it never happened. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding in. He glanced over at you at one point, giving you a soft smile, it didn’t quite meet his eyes. And you couldn’t help but hope that was only because he felt guilty about last night.

Katie gave you a reassuring pat on the shoulder as you anxiously bounced your foot against the cement floor outside the locker rooms, “it’s ok, it was your first big fight, it happens.” She tried to calm you but you only grew more worried when Jamie came out and Tyler wasn’t right behind him. “He’s alright, just a little banged up.” Jamie spoke, wrapping an arm around Katie, you nodded, “thanks.” You whispered, eyes shooting up when you heard Tyler’s voice. He appeared around the corner a second later, instantly taking three big steps towards you. Before you had time to react he had you pulled against his chest, Jamie and Katie walking off to give you some privacy. “Baby, I’m so sorry, I’m an idiot, I can’t believe I said that.” He rushed his words, you nodded staying silent, processing what he said. “If you said it, you had to have thought it before.” You stood your ground, slightly pulling away from him. He shook his head instantly, “no, I was reading stupid comments and someone said that and it just pissed me off, it just came out.” He assured you and continued speaking when you blankly stared at him. “Listen to me, I love you, I love taking care of you and I know you don’t need me too, because you could so easily become the best photographer in Dallas,” he paused to wink, sighing in relief when you cracked a smile. “But I want to take care of us, take care of the dogs, take care of whatever little Seguin’s we have running around in a few years. If you’ll let me?” He concluded, growing confused when you looked away with tears in your eyes. “Y/N-“ “I love you.” You cut him off, all but yanking him in for a kiss, he laughed against your lips, before reciprocating the action. “I love you too.” He mumbled against you. “How many little Seguin’s?” You teased when you pulled away and he threw his head back in laughter, “as many as we can handle.” “That’s a good answer.”

Taglist: @literarycharleton @thathockeygirl

#imagine #imagines #tyler seguin #tyler seguin imagine #tyler seguin imagines #nhl dallas stars #nhl wiriting #dallas stars #dallas stars imagine #tyler seguin fluff

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fortheloveoffanfic · 4 years ago

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Put Me In a Movie

Keanu Reeves x reader (A/n-sometimes, I look back on this series and think about how this did not go the way it was initially planned. And then I just write more angst and make it worse. Flashback in italics)

Summary Prologue 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

Warnings- Angst

Chapter 16- The Best Part of Me Was Always You.

5 Months Ago Salty tears rolled down her cheeks and they didn’t really do anything to quell the heat in her cheeks. Y/n couldn’t believe that she’d let herself fall for Keanu, even after she’d seen the red flags so, so many of them. They were there from the very start. But still, he was…...enigmatic, charming and daringly handsome. He made it easy to love him. He was making it easy to hate him too.

Even as Y/n hustled through the lobby, intent on her room, ready to pack up and get her assistant to change her flight, she couldn’t help but let his words replay in her head. You’re not my girlfriend. It was her fault, Y/n was the one who’d built up this perfect idea of him in her head, she was the one who’d held onto the flimsy threads of hope, wishing that at some point, Keanu would come to return her feelings. But Y/n had to grow up, realize that he wasn’t the one that was going to be the one that stuck around to the end, he had the affections of a gypsy after all.

Her head was down, and Y/n’s leather jacket was held closed by tightly balled fists and her the thin heels of her stilettos clicked on the marble floor, drowning out everything else. She was so distracted with her tumultuous thoughts, that Y/n didn’t see the person getting out of the elevator, just as she was trying to get in, consequently walking straight into his hard chest. “Oh!” He grabbed her shoulders, trying to steady her, surprised when she finally looked up at him, smeared, running make-up skewing her beauty, eyes red and lips quivering with quiet sobs, “Y/n?”

“Luke,” embarrassed, she hastily swiped at her eyes and sniffled, knowing that no amount of damage control could rectify her appearance, “Hey, I didn’t know you were staying here.”

“It’s just for tonight,” his frown was deep and his hold on her shoulders didn’t waver, “Are you okay? Why are you crying?”

Wiping her face again, Y/n tried to dismiss his concern, “I’m fine.” Desperately, she tried to slip out of his hold, growing a little annoyed when he wouldn’t relent, “It’s nothing okay? Why do you care anyway?”

Her words seemed to sting, still Luke put on a brave face, his warm, rich eyes soft, as they’d always been with her. Why couldn’t Y/n have just fallen in love with Luke? He was good and safe. He put her needs before his and put up with so much to be with her. “Because I care about you, Y/n,” he cleared his throat loudly, “Even if you’re with Keanu now.”

At the mention of his name, a choked sob broke through her lips, and in an instant, without even knowing the reason for her break down, Luke was pulling her in, hugging her tight and shushing her in comfort. “It’s okay,” assured, kissing the top of her hair, “It’s okay, I’ve got you. Whatever it is, you’re gonna be okay.”

Now The billboards seemed to dominate Los Angeles, and the adverts were plastered everywhere too; at storefronts on the street and in the malls, in magazines and on the internet. There wasn’t a place that Keanu could go without seeing her face; Y/n, the newest face of Everwood. When he’d heard the news, after it had made its way through whispers and rumors around Hollywood, he almost couldn’t believe it. Just over five months ago, Y/n was sitting at brunch saying that she didn’t do things like that; model for popular fashion houses and parade their brands as if she were their messiah. But there she was, and Keanu could still barely wrap his head around it.

With her induction to the fashion world, had come other rumors. People had started to speculate that she and Luke had started going around again, she was working for his mother after all. It was something he’d avoided thinking about, Keanu couldn’t stand the thought that she’d managed to move on when he felt like he’d be stuck wallowing in their break up forever. And for the most part, Keanu had closed himself off to anything involving Y/n, he dismissed the topic when people asked what it was like to work with her and actively avoided more than a glance at the pictures of her that seemed to be painted on every corner.

At first, it was easy, L.A was huge and people weren’t often listening when you were talking anyway, always in search of the next new high. But then it happened, the day that reminded him that he couldn’t ever truly escape her came, right when he wasn’t expecting it. Los Angeles was big, but it wasn’t that big. She was wearing a sundress, a pale pink one, and at first, he thought he was hallucinating. What were the odds that on the very same day that he’d taken his mother to brunch would be the same on that Y/n would drop by at the very same restaurant, with a table on the other side of the cushy establishment, to share a meal with an older woman and Luke.

“Who are you looking at?” Keanu’s mother interrupted his taunting thoughts, trying to match his gaze; see what he was seeing. “Oh!” Her eyes light up in recognition, “That’s Delilah Everwood! You know her,” Patrica reached over the small table to slap his arm lightly, “She’s the founder of the design house,” squinting her eyes, she continued, “That must be her son, the photographer, and isn’t that the girl you worked with a couple months ago, Y/n?”

“Uh,” thank heavens for the insane alcohol content of bloody marys, “Yup,” his stiff, wooden reply was delayed, and like a fool Keanu couldn’t tear his gaze away from the scene several feet away. Even if it hurt like a punch to the gut when she leaned into Luke’s side after planting a kiss to his jaw. She’d met his mother, they were having brunch, like a happy little family.

Keanu had never even thought of letting Y/n meet his mother.

And now? The greatest love of Keanu’s life, the best part of himself, was wrapped up in the arms of another. Like life was some kind of sick, practical joke.

“Don’t you want to go say hi Ke?” His mother, always so polite, “I’m sure she’d love to see you again.” She used to love him. “Come on,” already she was moving to stand.

“No!” Hasty and ready to put an end to the matter, startling his mother, “I mean,” he forced a strained smile, “It’s been so long since we’ve spent some time together, just the two of us. Let’s not go through all of that, okay?”

She didn’t seem to believe him eyeing Keanu suspiciously before once again resigning to her wicker chair, “Okay,” she matched his smile, hers more genuine, “Whatever you want sweetheart.” Even as she sat, Keanu could tell that his mother hadn’t completely let the issue go, and was probably going to bring up his behavior on the ride back to her place, but until then, he’d be inclined to pretend that what he’d seen wasn’t real. Because if it was real, then Y/n was never coming back to him.

He was always hard to miss, even though Y/n knew that Keanu preferred to simply blend in, he always stood out. She'd seen him from the minute he walked in, pulling out a chair for an older woman; his mother. It was funny, the fact that they dated but the only reason Y/n knew his mother was because of the internet. For the minute, after the two had taken their patio table, Y/n held her breath for the moment where another woman would appear, her replacement. There hadn't been anything in the media that said Keanu was seeing someone else, and he'd seemingly stayed true to his word, holding onto her space in his life, but Y/n knew better than anyone that Keanu could hide a relationship if he wanted to.

It stung, the thought of someone else laying with him at night, safe in his arms, listening to him talk about his day. For months, Y/n had longed to be that person, his one and only, his forever. But the odds weren't in their favor and though he'd apologized and though she missed him with everything in her, she'd still gotten back with Luke. Y/n hadn't meant for it to happen, but his mother's people had adamantly lobbied with her people, and by the end summer, she'd signed on as a spokesperson for his Delilah's brand. Getting back with Luke had been collateral damage after that; he'd been in charge of a few of the photo shoots and during editing, they'd gotten closer than they were before, Y/n had found herself letting him in in a way she hadn't when they were together, and it certainly helped that he was the one that had gone out of his way to help her through her break up with Keanu. Being with him after that seemed easy, like it was the right thing to do.

At least, it did, until she saw Keanu. In an instant, the memories came flooding back. How his lips worked with hers when they kissed. His arms felt when they embraced and how his board, his chest and his beating heart felt against her back. How he smelt and tasted and simply everything about him. Keanu was a stain on her memory, embedded in her skin and sometimes, when Y/n would pick up something she’d worn in his company, she could swear that his musky aroma had still clung to the fabric. Maybe he was meant to stay with her forever, in a different kind of way. In the memories they shared. Maybe they just weren’t meant to be.

At the thought, Y/n’s shoulders fell and her gaze dimmed. For some reason, even though she’d processed their break up, she hadn’t really thought of the fact that she might go on with the rest of her life having not reconciled with the one man who she’d love above all others. “You okay?” Luke affectionately squeezed her shoulders, her spaghetti strap not a real barrier from the warmth of his palm.

Forcing a smile, which inevitably faltered, Y/n turned to Luke, trying hard to suppress thoughts of Keanu. But she couldn’t, it wasn’t as easy as she’d like it to be, and then, more than ever, she realized that she might have never felt for Luke what she felt for Keanu, even if she was too stubborn to take him back. “Yeah,” not wanting him to press the matter, she reached up, pecking the side of his jaw, paying mind to Keanu seated across the room, his dark eyes trained on her.

For a moment more, though never directly looking in his direction, Y/n observed him; he looked a little different. His beard was bushier than she remembered and his shaggy mane a bit longer. Part of her ached to get up and go say something, but Y/n knew herself well enough that if she even got there, there was no telling what would happen. So instead, she just stayed, cuddled against Luke, trying to enjoy their habitual Sunday brunch with Delilah, occasionally stealing glances at Keanu and hoping no one would notice.

“Well,” his mother was sitting shotgun, handbag discarded in her lap with her hands clasped over the top and dark tinted sunglasses guarding her knowing expression.

With one hand stationed on the wheel, the other balled in a loose fist on his jean clad lap, Keanu kept his eyes trained forward, navigating the busy Los Angeles street as he headed for his mother’s place, “Well what?” He knew exactly what she was asking about, but really wasn’t in the mood to talk about Y/n, especially after he’d seen her all wrapped up around Luke, the sight just another crushing reminder of every mistake he’d made over the past few months. Mistakes were costly, and boy was he learning that the hard way. So much for thinking he’d lived enough to learn enough. “What are you talking about?” There was an unnerved twinge in his tone, and nervously, he tightened his grip on the wheel.

“Well what happened between you and Y/n?” Patrica turned to him, pushing up her sunglasses so when Keanu stole a glance her way, he’d be met with her ‘I already know, so just tell me’ look, penetrating his hardened exterior. Mothers. “She’s a little young for you, don’t you think?” She continued poking when he didn’t respond the first time, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, at least you two could’ve had a baby-”

“Mom!” With a frenzied state, Keanu cut her off, almost jerking the wheel impulsively as he turned to her, only to find a mischievous smirk tickling her lips. Of course, she’d say anything to get him to talk. “There’s nothing between me and Y/n. She was…...a co star.”

“So you look at all your co stars like they just punched you in the gut?” When Keanu simply rolled his eyes, Patrica sighed heavily, “Sweetheart,” she began again, tone softer, “You’re my son, I know you. And I know when you’re lying to me; I saw the way you were looking at her,” reaching over, she squeezed his shoulder in a display of motherly comfort, or at least, as much as she could offer while he was driving. “If you feel something for her, then maybe you should tell her.”

“Its not like that,” Keanu shook his head, hoping his unwillingness to elaborate would override her built-in need to mother him and ask way to maybe questions. But alas, it didn’t, and if anything, his mother just seemed to expect more, so, with an exasperated huff, he continued, “We were…..” gesturing wildly with his free hand, “You know…..in a…”

“Relationship?” She finished with a raised, questioning brow, “You were together!” Patrica gasped, clearly offended that he’d neglected to mention such an important bit of information.

“Yes,” cringing, Keanu cringed at the word ‘relationship.’ That was what Y/n had wanted, that was what he’d offered, though only when it was too late, “But also…...no? Its complicated.”

“I’m sure its not that complicated dear. What happened? You obviously aren’t together anymore.” Obviously.

As if he hadn’t gone over it in his head enough. Cried over it, lost sleep over it, and everything in between. All while Y/n was perfectly fine and totally moved on. Shrugging as he turned into her street, it took all of Keanu’s will to not absolutely press all his weight on the gas just so they’d get to his mother’s house quicker and consequently drop the topic, “We broke up, sort of.”

Licking her lips, Patrica shifted in her seat, trying to get a good, long, accusing look at him, “What did you do? And why’s there all this...vagueness?” Furrowing her brows, she huffed, annoyed by his apparent disinterest in telling her the truth in its entirety, “Just tell me what happened.”

And so, with every ounce of reluctance in his weary bones, Keanu told her; the more pg parts of the good and a summarized version of the ugly. Even after they reached her house, his car parked at the top of her long, winding driveway. When he was finished, they sat in tense silence for a minute, and while Keanu had prepared himself for a lecture, he was certainly not prepared to be swatted on the back of his head. “Ow!”

“That’s for what you did to that poor girl,” scoffing, his mother shook her head, “I can’t believe you’d treat her like that! You need to apologize.”

“I did,” Keanu sighed heavily, both hands still on the wheel as he started down into his lap, “It clearly didn’t work. And now she’s gone.” She’s really gone, over him and everything, while he was sitting in his mother’s driveway, sulking.

“Then get her back,” grabbing his shoulder, Keanu’s mother reached over to turn her face to him, “What, you’re just going to wait around and hope she changes her mind? You need to pick yourself up and give her a reason to change it.”

“And how do you suggest I do that?” It wasn’t like Keanu hadn’t given it his best, and he definitely wasn’t going to grovel any more than he had.

“Well first,” while a light smile, she fondly dragged her nails through his beard, peppered with a bit more grey than usual, “I suggest you shave,” at that, Keanu tilted his head and rolled his eyes, quelling yet another exasperated sigh. “And after that,” she chuckled, patting the side of his face, “You have real talk with her. You’ve fought already, so now just….talk.”

Taking a deep breath, Keanu nodded, already debating whether or not he should even go for it. On one hand, they would start press junkets at the end of the month, and the last thing he wanted was three weeks worth of awkward interactions between grueling interviews, but on the other he didn’t want things to end the way they had the last time; with both of them hurt beyond comparison. There was one thing Keanu did know for sure though; and that was that he only had two weeks to figure out what he was going to do.

*******

Tagging- @harrisongslimited @paanchu786 @thesadvampire @fanficsrusz @fickensteinn @ladyreapermc @babygirltaina @septimaseverina @snatchedbylele @omg-imagine @21stcenturyyfoxx @magnificentclodpiebanana @allie1804-fan @keandrews @greenmanalishi @rdjloverxxx @danceoftwowolves

#keanu reeves #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves x you #keanu reeves x reader #john wick #john wick x you #john wick x reader #john wick fanfic #ff #fanfic #fanfiction #keanu reeves fanfaction #john wick fanfiction #lana del rey #put me in a movie #chapter 16 #the best part of me was always you #fic #series

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lonelypond · 3 years ago

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Love Is For Losers

NicoMaki, Love Live, 1.7K, 1/2

Summary: Yazawa Nico and Nishikino Maki are both key players on the Otonokizaka University Tennis Team. But now Nico has decided to "improve" Maki's social media and tennis game.

Love Is For Losers

Not the most flattering picture of herself, racquet ready, waiting for the return of a serve, but Maki Nishikino really liked her look of concentration. So she hit “Post.”. And the hearts and reactions and fire emojis piled on. Wait, what was that comment, from @NicoNi? “With squinty eyes like that, how can you see the ball?”

WTF?!?!?!? Junior and top tennis singles player Nico Yazawa was notorious for living on social media. Since practice started in September, she’d been leading weekly social media best practice training sessions for the Otonokizaka University team that freshman Maki had proudly never attended. And now she was trolling Maki? Was that a social media best practice?

Maki never replied to a comment, but to let the smug Nico Ni have the last word would grate across every nerve Maki had.

To quickly type, “Who’s in the top 10 national standings again? Can you see that?” seemed almost an illicit thrill. To get an instant reply of eye emojis, plus a sweatdrop made Maki laugh out loud. Quickly scoping out the coffeeshop to check if she’d drawn any attention to herself, Maki clicked through to NicoNi’s home page, Nico’s last post was a bikini shot with an obscene amount of hearts and various emoji combinations in an endless comment scroll. Maki snorted, too obvious an attention grab. Maki would ignore it and stick to tennis, which she knew very well. Ah, there was a pic of Nico rushing the net, one of her favorite ways to use her sprint speed. Maki had an in.

“Spend less time looking at my pics and more time on your approach shots.”

Another instant reply. Another sweat drop. “Nico knows. But you’re so pretty. See you at media training ; )”

Did Nico think she was going to get Maki into one of her stupid sessions like that? Maki dropped her phone on the table, sipping her espresso with a frown.

###

Maki’s phone pinged explosively. A series of messages from her self proclaimed bestie and doubles partner, Hoshizora Rin.

R: hahaha Maki Ma you really need to be here

R: Nico’s going through your TWIG account as her “what not to do on social media” slideshow

R: it’s so funny, Maki

R: (*≧艸≦)(*≧艸≦)(*≧艸≦)

R: you missed out Check out Nico’s LIVE.

Maki stared at her phone. Nico’s Live, that happened when you went to someone’s TWIG profile and clicked on their pic, right? Maki did, grimacing as she clicked on Nico’s face. Nico was in front of a whiteboard, drawing pictures of tennis rackets, disgustingly cute tennis rackets. She leaned forward, checking her phone, then grinned like someone who’d just served a winning ace.

“And @Nishikinoshot has just joined the fans watching Nico on TWIG Live…”

Maki heard Rin yell “Hi Maki!!!” in the background as Nico continued, “One of the best ways to learn how to properly conduct and promote yourself on social media is to find an influencer you respect and build a relationship with them. @Nishikinoshot has chosen @NicoNi, the smartest move she…

“I have not.” Maki shouted at her phone and then felt silly when she realized there was no way for Nico to see or hear her, or was there? TWIG kept floating an “ask to join the Live” teaser, so Maki thumbed it. Nico paused, obviously her notifications were on, another one of those winning serve grins and suddenly Maki was sharing Nico’s screen.

“Jumping into the Live. Good initiative, Nishikino..”

“Maki.”

“So why’d you pick your TWIG handle?”

What kind of a question was that?

“Nishikino shot...you know...because of tennis...the Nishikino shot always scores.” Also worked with photography, a hobby Maki wanted more time for.

“Nishikino announces her prowess off and on the court.” Nico giggled, Maki glared.

“What are you saying? That’s not right.”

“Ah, so you admit it is confusing. Make a note of that, class, it’s always best to have a tag that doesn’t confuse people.” Staring right at Maki, ruby eyes twinkling, Nico made an elaborately surprised, amused face, raising a hand to cover her mouth. “We were reading it as Nishikino’s hot, ‘cause you are.”

Maki flushed. And fumbled with her phone to end the live, not even registering what other garbage Nico was saying. And then her phone pinged again.

R: Are you all right, Maki? Nico was just having a little fun.

M: I don’t want to talk about Nico.

R: Okay.

M: That was your fault.

R: Hey, I thought you’d want to know.

M; Yeah...but tomorrow, after practice, you’re on clean up.

R: Maaaaaki (⁎˃ᆺ˂)’

###

Grunting, Maki swung through at full velocity, then grimaced as yet another practice serve skipped out of bounds. She leaned over to pick up another couple of balls. Both buckets were empty. Tempted to throw her racket, instead she shook her head, tucked her racquet under her arm, grabbed a bucket and went to the other side of the court to pick up the balls.

“Hey, let me help you,” chirped an unfamiliar voice. Maki turned. Nico Yazawa had grabbed the other buckets and was hustling for the net. Nico was always hustling, all lean muscle and speed. Her sable hair, usually put up in twin tails, was loose, still wet from the shower. She’d changed from her usual practice uniform to casual pink and black striped biker shorts and an oversized pink t-shirt shirt that slid off her shoulder and read “Killer Cute.” “Coach ended practice an hour ago.”

Maki shrugged, starting with the balls as far away as possible from the spot Nico had chosen.

“You’re always out here.”

“I take tennis seriously.”

Nico hesitated, hands on her hips, watching Maki curiously over mirror sunglasses perched halfway down her nose, “Nico sees that. But you can get trapped in patterns if no one points them out.”

“I’m fine. I win.”

“Don’t you want to win better?”

“Win better? That’s not a thing.” Maki tapped her racquet against her leg, fidgety.

“Accuracy matters.” Nico picked up a tennis ball, tossed it into Maki’s bucket, and winked, “Crush your opponents with finesse, not raw power. Fewer wasted serves.”

Maki’s hasty rush of anger changed to curiosity. Nico led the team in aces, with amazing power for someone so short. “Coach hasn’t said anything.”

“Like you said, you get the job done. And Coach has other problems...like keeping Honoka from exhausting herself in the first few volleys.”

They both chuckled at how eager Honoka Kosaka was to chase down every ball, until she hit empty. As a joke, after their last practice, Rin had her girlfriend, Hanayo Koizumi, the team manager, post a photoshopped pic of a golden retriever playing next to Honoka’s double’s partner, Umi Sonoda. Honoka had laughed longer than anyone.

Nico was right, Maki realized. Coach had been spending a lot of time on the players with more basic problems. And their assistant spend most of the time on opponent research, editing video footage.

“Nico uses a platform stance, but Maki could get away with a pin-point stance. Watch my feet.” Nico grabbed a ball, tossing it up, swinging at it with a pretend racquet. Instead of her feet remaining the same distance apart, her back foot shifted closer to the front one and then she pushed off up into the serve. “You’ve already got natural explosive power, you don’t need a nitro boost.”

Maki considered, moving her feet through the change Nico suggested. It felt comfortable, offering more control. She nodded, then jumped back when Nico clapped her on the upper arm.

“You’re a quick learner. Hang on. Nico will hop over there and you can try it out. It’s more fun with an opponent.”

“I’ll win. You’ll be crushed.” Maki winked.

Nico laughed and it echoed. “Nico didn’t teach you everything Nico knows.”

###

“So you’re a local too.” Nico was scooping salad into Maki’s bowl. They’d decided to stop for dinner.

“Yeah. My family owns a medical center so I couldn’t just go off anywhere.”

Nico paused, eyebrow raised. “Why not?”

“I’ve been working there since…” Maki tried to remember her first job at the hospital, how old was she? She remembered sitting at her father’s desk, coloring in specially made anatomy chart pages in elementary school. Did that count as a job? “Forever.”

“Ah. Nico had to stick close for family too. Three sibs.” Nico flashed a smile and three fingers. “They’re the best, but they rely on Nico.”

“Your parents work a lot?” Maki understood that.

“Yeah, my mom does. My dad died when I was little.”

Maki paled, what did you say to that. “I’m sorry” came out as a mumble.

A sigh, weary, as Nico pushed Maki’s filled bowl in her direction, “Me too. But we survived. He taught me tennis. And…” Nico put on a sparkling smile, bounced her hands up to her temple, rock hands gesture, and her voice became brighter. “Nico Nico Ni.” Then she relaxed back to normal, “He said it could cheer up the whole world..”

Maki remembered something. “Nico Nico is the ideophone for smile.”

Nico leaned forward, “So the Nishikino isn’t just for show.”

Maki shook her head, “We have a hospital in Tokyo too. I’ve spent a lot of summers there.”

“Wow, a doc and a jet setter. So why tennis?”

“I liked it better than golf. My parents said piano didn’t count as a networking activity.”

“Piano? Classic stuff.” Nico created a melody on an air keyboard.

“Some. And jazz. I get to take a couple of music classes, at least this year.”

Nico wondered if Maki realized how robotic she sounded, and how laced through with sadness her mood was as she talked about her family.

“Hey, Nishikino…”

“Maki.”

“Maki. Play for Nico sometime. Nico loves singing. My dad always said I should go on American Idol.”

“Sorry.” Maki twisted a curl of hair, “I don’t play those kind of songs.”

Maki obviously just needed to know more about Nico, which was Nico’s favorite topic. “Nico is multifaceted. We can do Ella and Count Basie, if you want. With the time you save not practicing your serve.”

Nico winked, her multifaceted ruby eyes cheerful pulls as she hummed. Maki found herself intrigued. “I’ll think about it.”

“Nico will be your personal tennis coach to make sure you improve.”

“Not necessary.” Maki leaned back to signal the waiter. Time to start the main course.

A/N: Another AU Yeah August entry, college rivals was requested and the Olympics put me in a sports mood. Planning another chapter.

Still taking requests.

#NicoMaki #Love Is For Losers #Nishikino Maki #Yazawa Nico #au yeah august #AUYEAHAUGUST21 #tennis #rivals #college

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btscreatorscorner · 4 years ago

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Project Summary: Travel with a few members of the team here at BCC as they sit around a bonfire and reminisce on the days of summer. We will tell you interesting stories about tales that may be a little exaggerated about the members of a group of 7 guys that we have come to love.

Links to stories and edits will be added as they are posted!! We will reblog the stories and edits as well~ We hope you enjoy!

Seeing each other was honestly a dream. It felt surreal to be able to meet up and camp with so many people from an online network, and they were smiling and laughing as they talked in person (some for the first time ever). The lulling sounds of the ocean waves became a white noise to everyone as they set up their tents and gathered firewood. They were having so much fun talking together that time had passed quickly, evening fast approaching and the sun sinking into the horizon creating a sea of colors in the sky. The sight was truly breathtaking.

Simi’s and Lillia’s eyes locked onto the waving group down the beach. “Welcome everyone,” Alexis smiled as she returned to the campsite after scoping out the beach.

“Hey Alexis! How’s the beach look? Any shark teeth?” Lillia asked, returning to chopping onions in preparation for dinner.

"You say that like she'd know. Are we forgetting that she's the ‘blind’ one?" Simi replied, snickering at Alexis's squint.

From the small crowd gathering on the beach came a range of different accents. Some were easily pinpointed and others a little more difficult to locate. Lillia continued guiding everyone down to the beach, within the group was a small and rather tired Jester with a large bag. Situated at the bottom of her bag was some sort of rolled up bedding.

“Excuse me, sorry I’m late, airport customs tried to steal my Vegemite” Jester called, eyes gazing straight past Simi’s shoulder. With no hesitation she dropped her luggage in the sand, kicked off her shoes and sprinted towards the ocean.

Halting mere inches from the water, she teetered, waving her hands and trying not to topple into the surf from her abrupt stop.

“Almost jumped in with my phone and your American paper dollarydoos” she shouted, racing back to the group.

Jester proceeded to empty out her pockets, dumping twenty and fifty dollar notes and her phone into her shoes and running full pelt back to the water. With a warrior cry, she dove into the ocean causing quite the splash before the water stilled ominously.

There was no sign of her — had she disappeared? An alarming amount of time went by and the group shuffled nervously before she breached with all the elegance of a blue whale gasping and flopping onto her side.

A few of the others joined Jester whooping as they splashed into the water, others set to tasks they thought were a little more pressing, like designating tents.

With what little sun they had left, they had managed to hold a few fun activities and lots of conversations.

As the sun finally set the sweet cotton candy colors in the sky darkened and from its depths emerged twinkling lights, the mood changed along with it. Food was tossed on the grill, the inferno causing the aroma to fill the beach. Everyone’s mouth was watering, excited to finally dig in.

Simi was trying to organize gluten-free buns on one side and regular on the other. “The veggie burgers have finished. I cooked them on their own so it’s all good. I’m about to cook the meat patties — last call for meat-free grilling” Lillia called to the group with a bright smile, expertly flipping the spatula in her hand and getting back to work when there were no complaints.

The large group slowly began making themselves plates of food and once everyone was situated, the group was silent for a brief moment before Alexis decided to strike up some conversation.

“...I think that would be a great idea, don’t you guys think?”

The sounds of wood crackling could be heard in the background. Sepha watched as the smoke turned into the black of the burning wood and then to the fire-y orange and undertones of red. It had only turned out that way when she watched as one of the women drizzled more fluid over the fire.

Looking to her left, she saw a welcoming smile and couldn’t help but feel guilty for not hearing the rest of what had been said.

“Sorry?” Sepha asked, watching as the rest of the group surrounding the fire laughed at her in confusion.

“What kind of scary stories are you into? You know… typical gory types or mystery, maybe romance—” Lillia repeated emphasizing the last genre.

“Murder mysteries are the most interesting…” At this, Amunet smiled at Sepha’s response and she couldn’t help but return it.

“I like romance! You know the ones where people just go camping to see the stars, and the moonlight and it just smells like chocolate and marshmallows.” All eyes followed the light voice which sounded across the fire, belonging to none other than Kyub. Gabi couldn’t help but share a hopeless shrug with Sepha, who poked at the fire with her long stick.

The fire gave a loud crackle, “Sounds nice...but with this kind of night when there’s no moon and just the sound of nature around you — it kind of makes you want to tell scary stories for the fun of it.” Alexis seemed to agree to Sepha’s last sentiment and continued roasting the marshmallow.

“You’re right, though. Just darkness and nature, makes me think of murder.” Bubbles started up again which only earned a dry chuckle from across the circle.

Mae spoke up for the first time, saying “morbid, but sure, what the hell” as she fidgeted with her own stick, apparently inventing something the campers could only assume was a s’more kebab. She seemed to struggle immensely considering the graham crackers didn’t have any holes in them for her stick. But they all watched, intrigued, as Mae continued stacking: cracker, marshmallow, chocolate, cracker, marshmallow, chocolate, cracker—

“What are you doing?” This time, the voice came from just outside the circle, Amunet was returning from her tent wearing a thick navy blue pullover sweater. She was looking at Mae’s invention with an arch to her brow but otherwise unphased.

“What does it look like?” retorted Mae, gently waving the kebab around for everyone to see which earned a couple of laughs from everyone as a graham cracker broke off. Mae’s resulting cursing drew even more laughs.

Lillia began to clap, “A’ight! Let’s start with some stories eh?” She looked around, giving everyone her signature friendly smile before settling on Sepha. “I think you should start some things off Seph, with you know, all that murder mystery enthusiasm you have.”

“Huh?” She was caught off guard, looking to see everyone anticipating eyes had fallen upon her and when she looked around the waiting company, she could see Kyub giving a soft encouraging smile. The nervous laugh bubbled out of Sepha's lips before she could stop it, and with a scuff of her feet against the sandy ground she was ready.

“I-um—you guys ever hear that phrase,” The cautionary pause gave Sepha time to think it over, “You ain’t Jiving man?” There was a quick shake of Bubbles’ head to her far left.

“I have no idea what that means.” Jester hummed stabbing at least twelve marshmallows with a long skewer-like-stick. Another culinary mad genius.

“It’s from the 70s, all that slang shit. Supposed to mean: ‘Is that the truth?’ Or at least the equivalent to it.” That earned hums all around as Sepha licked her lips, wondering how to start off her story. Mae and Jester smiled encouragingly as Sepha shook her head to focus herself before diving in.

“Well, that phrase kind of relates to this story...at least kind of...maybe...I don’t know,” Sepha watched as Mae grabbed at the remains of a broken graham cracker, her frustration obvious enough in the way she picked at the pieces but it only earned her a cheeky smile from Bubbles who was right next to her. “I’m sure you guys heard of the case of Ted Bundy right? You know, infamous serial killer.”

“He was fucking insane and not even handsome. I don’t even know what girls saw in him during that time.” As she spoke, Jester’s face twisted like she had bitten into a lemon and all Sepha could do was nod in agreement. She watched the fire again, poking at it and watching the ash burn up to the surface.

“Well...I’m gonna tell a survivor story. Her name was Carol DaRonch, one of Bundy’s survivors and—”

“We should call her Katie! For, you know, copyright reasons.” This time the voice belonged to Bubbles; it was soft but managed to grab everyone’s attention in time before they could all fully dive into the story. At her suggestion, Sepha nodded and chuckled, poking at the fire once more, sending an array of sparkle-like embers into the night sky. She quickly moved the toe of her boot just enough to not get any of the burnt ash on it.

Sepha nodded vigorously again and continued.

“Yeah...yeah let’s call her Katie…” she licked her lips once more and looked up to see the dark depths of the night sky there wasn’t a cloud in sight. When the group stared at the fire they could almost hear the sound of Marvin Gaye. The campers could feel the heat wash over them, in a way that reflected the heat of Florida.

“It was a college party...in the summer of 1974….”

“Okay, well that was dark. Interesting, but dark. I like it.” Mae had shifted from her seat on a log onto the dirt beneath, slumping with her back against the bark lethargically. Others nodded in agreement.

“Shall we lighten the mood with a happier story?” Bubbles asked, lifting her hands to warm them above the lively fire. It was quiet for a second before Mae spoke up again.

“I have one.” She changed her posture to sit slightly straighter when all eyes were on her. “It’s about a couple that got turned into fairies while camping in the woods one summer night.”

“Is that a drug reference?” Lillia raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“No.” Mae frowned.

“Knowing you, ‘turning into fairies’ could mean anything.” Lillia shrugged, earning chuckles from the group. The fire crackled just as Mae sent a sharp glare at the woman, but her lips betrayed her as they began to curl upwards at the teasing.

“My story has nothing to do with drugs— but it does involve magic.” This caught the attention of the crowd. “Did you know that fairies occupy many wooded areas around the world? Yeah, they tend to hide from humans, but in desperate times they can use their powers to recruit our help, just as they did last summer.

“It happened somewhere in the Rocky Mountains in August of last year…”

Those scattered around the fire were left captivated by the fantastical tail Mae had spun. They had even paused from their s’more-making escapades, each slowly contemplating the idea of fairies. Some eyed the surrounding area outside the camp, others picked up where they left off preparing more marshmallows for their delicious dessert endeavors. In amongst the slowly roasting marshmallows was one completely engorged in flames.

“Uh, Jester your marshmallow is on fire?”

“Yup, that’s how I like them” She grinned brightly with green eyes sparkling full of mischief as she blew out the fireball that had encased the blackened crispy confectionary that once resembled a marshmallow. She shoved it into her mouth and shouted “My turn!”

“I have a good one.” Jester’s sharp grin seemed to be hiding something. “Hold onto your hats, this one is from my trip to Greece. You must always be careful when you travel to another country because anything can happen.

“It started in Mykonos...”

“And that’s what happens when you meet strangers in another country. I should have learned from the first two times I went overseas” Jester shrugged “Wild stuff, though”

“Actually no” Gabi interjected, pointing her finger in a pause gesture while she collected her thoughts.

“Nope” Kyub’s eyes were wide; she blinked, once, twice in disbelief. Before she shook her head as if trying to rattle the thoughts back into place.

“That’s famously not what happens when you meet strangers in another country” Gabi continued her thought with a small sound of concern.

“Yeah, I’m with them — that is most definitely not what happens.” Sepha laughed as Jester looked up confused. “Most people don’t go home with strangers, though, so I guess you could be right.”

“I mean yeah, that one was my bad I guess” Jester laughed.

“Who’s next?” Amunet asked excitedly, wishing to listen to more of the nightly stories.

Kyub looked a little nervous but after taking a deep breath she was determined to unleash her summer tale by way of pictures on her phone. “Mine isn’t exactly a story, I have some photos that I took over the summer that I think really tell a story. It was in a cemetery” her voice was sweet and gentle.

“We would love to see!” Alexis smiled reassuring the young girl. Everyone seemed intrigued by the idea of the photos and how they would tell the story.

“It’s up to interpretation...”

“That is amazing, how did that even happen?”

“You know the saying, ‘a picture is worth one thousand words’ and you have two” Jester grinned “like he is keeping the flowers a secret or like the flowers are something he loves and cherishes but keeps hidden.” Other voices chimed in:

“It feels so sad.”

“It feels so jarring that the colour is stripped away.”

“I like to think the first image is kinda, like, wistful or reminiscing and then when he looks down it is the reality.”

The entire camp seemed hit with raw emotion. There was a collective look of disbelief and someone sighed “That is so well done.”

Everyone had finished their stories and games for the evening and numbers started dwindling as the late hour took the sleepy camp goer’s. They all were settling for the evening, tents and sleeping bags rustling in the background alongside the occasional giggle, whisper and yawn.

Rolling out the khaki green bedroll, was Jester looking small in the contrasting light from the fire and shadow from the night.

“Jester, where are you sleeping, do you wanna share a tent?” Gabi asked, deciding to offer a shelter.

“Nah, I got my swag, I’m gonna lay by the fire and watch the sky.” She laid back and squinted up at the stars. “You should visit my little corner of the world where the stars look like milk.”

Credits: Thank you @youarejesting for working on this masterlist and @kyub for doing the amazing banner! And thank you to all of our writers, editors and betas who worked hard on this project: @youarejesting , @kyub, @dead-starlight, @bubblebunnylia, @sweetnspicy93, @bussy-posts, @jiminniethemarshmallow, @moccahobi, @yourmoonchild1023, @jung-hoseok-s-airplane, and @hesperantha for betaing the masterlist!!!

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incorrect-strq-quotes · 5 years ago

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Rosebird Week 2019

Day 1: First Encounter

@rose-bird-week is finally here! Day 1′s oneshot takes place in some form of college AU. I haven't added anything to the universe beyond this scene, but who knows what will happen in the future.

I’m going to do my best to have all my prompt fills edited and posted on time, so please be patient. But, without further adieu....

The thing was, Raven hadn’t even planned on going out. Qrow just wanted to spend some time with whoever was keeping his attention that week, and somehow managed to convince her to come along.

“It’ll be good for you,” he had said, like third-wheeling two idiots sounded appealing in some way. “Finals start in two weeks, we have to have fun before you force us to study ourselves to death.” She regretted letting his words get to her the moment they stepped foot in the bar. It was noisy, and smelly, and crowded, and somehow too dark and too bright all at once.

A half an hour had barely passed by, and she was already contemplating just leaving her brother and walking back to their apartment. It’s not like anything was keeping her here. Definitely not Qrow, he’d ditched her immediately. And the cheap whiskey in front of her wasn’t doing a good job of convincing her to stay either.

She had just about made up her mind to get up and go when the senseless din around her was broken by softly spoken words.

“Can we sit here?” The loud music almost drowned out the quiet voice. “All the other tables are full.”

Raven downed the last of her drink before setting her glass on the table a little harder than necessary. She turned in her seat to face the owner of the voice in her ear, prepared to stand and tell them they could have the table. She could hunt down Qrow and tell him she was leaving and get on with her life.

But she wasn’t at all ready for the bright silver eyes that had her at their mercy the moment she started to drown in them.

“Yeah, sure,” Raven replied dumbly, breath stolen when Silver Eyes’ face was overtaken with a sudden, stunning grin.

“Thanks!” the girl just about cheered. It was adorable. She was short, didn’t even look as if the top of her head would reach Raven’s chin, and her unbridled enthusiasm reminded Raven of innocence she hadn’t known in years.

“Are you even old enough to be in here?” Raven blurted out the scathing joke before she could stop herself. She had apparently washed down all her intelligence and suave tact with that last drink.

The girl‘s smile twisted into something annoyed, and the raucous laughter on Raven’s other side -the girl’s companion that hadn’t even entered Raven’s mind until now- said that maybe she had stumbled onto a sensitive topic. “Today’s my twenty-second birthday, actually,” Silver Eyes responded, her smart tone bringing heat to Raven’s cheeks. “How old are you?”

The amount of challenge in her voice was surprising coming from such a petite figure, but Raven was slowly regaining her footing and managed to appear nonplussed. “Twenty three.”

The girl hummed noncommittally, her eyes shifting off of Raven and onto whoever was to her left. The relief of being free from her piercing stare tasted a lot like disappointment.

“Tai, if you don’t shut your mouth, I will make you buy all my drinks,” the girl quipped in a saccharine voice that whispered of threats.

‘Tai’ was still laughing, unfazed by the warning tone of her words, and Raven somehow managed to drag her attention away from the girl enough to look at him. He was tall, blond, and looked like he smiled easily. His blue eyes were honest to god twinkling. He didn’t seem concerned about danger, despite the prickling feeling dancing along Raven’s spine.

“I’m sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry at all, “but I told you that hoodie makes you look twelve.”

It was her smile, Raven wanted to argue, although the hoodie was doing enough. It was bright white, glowing in the black light shining from the dance floor, but the cartoon unicorn on the front was what did it.

“Hey, my eyes are up here.” The words were teasing, light. All hints of past annoyance and danger nowhere to be seen.

Raven found herself suddenly held prisoner once again by a silver eyed gaze. She was getting whiplash interacting with her. “I like your hoodie,” she said abruptly without meaning to. And that was twice now that she couldn’t control her words. This girl was dangerous.

The smile she flashed was even worse.

Raven thought she must be having a heart attack. Dead at 23. But what a way to go.

“See?” Silver Eyes directed at Tai, “At least someone appreciates my sense of style.” Looking back at Raven, she added, “I’m Summer.”

“Raven,” she managed to get out, instead of the ‘I’m extremely bisexual’ that first popped into her head. At least she still had a little bit of self control.

Summer’s smile turned playful. “Well, Raven. Interested in buying me my first drink of the night?”

Raven thought about weighing her options; she was just about to leave after all, before this pretty stranger showed up. Fortunately, that made her contemplation brief; pretty stranger would win every time. “I- yeah. I think I can do that.”

One corner of Summer’s mouth pulled up into a smirk at Raven’s stumbled words, and Raven thought of sharp toothed predators and trouble with a capital T. “Well come on then.” Summer grabbed her hand and pulled her out of her chair, and Raven knew that she wouldn’t care where this woman was leading her, she’d gladly follow her to her doom.

Of course, their destination for now was the bar. It was packed even more than the space near her table in the back corner had been, but the people parted before them like water under Raven’s glare. She was enough of a regular here that they recognized the threat behind it as real.

“What would you like?” Raven asked, using the noise around them as an excuse to lean in close.

Summer flashed another grin. “I’ll make you a deal. Surprise me, but you have to drink the same thing. And it had better be more exciting than straight whiskey.”

The challenge in her voice gave Raven something to focus on that wasn’t dancing silver eyes and soft lips curled in distaste. Challenge she could do.

“Hey Shay!” Raven slammed her hand on the bar twice to get the bartender’s attention.

The man turned around and flashed a sleazy, cocksure grin. “Raven! What can I do for you?” The suggestion in his words wasn’t even hidden. “Who’s your friend?”

“You can do your job,” Raven growled out, stepping closer to Summer than was probably necessary even in the current company, “and none of your business.” Shay wasn’t her favorite person in the world, but he was good at mixing drinks and usually wanted his paycheck more than he wanted to be a creep. Plus, he gave her and her brother a discount because Qrow was here so often.

“Ah, right,” Shay placated, immediately cowed by Raven’s tone as per usual. “What can I get you ladies?”

Another glance at Summer. Raven cleared her throat and decided, “a round of birthday cake shots and two sweet poisons. Put them on my brother’s tab.” Qrow owed her for dragging her out here in the first place.

Shay cast her a sly look as he went to mix the drinks. “Got a sweet tooth tonight?”

It took everything Raven had to not look down at Summer yet again. “Something like that,” she replied vaguely. Summer’s laughter at her words was almost worse than looking into her eyes. Raven probably wasn’t going to survive the night.

Oddly, she was pretty okay with that.

Two shot glasses were set in front of them, filled to the brim with bright pink liquid and topped with rainbow sprinkles. Summer picked one up and looked at it closely. “Do these actually taste like birthday cake?”

Raven shrugged as she took hers. “Not as much as my homemade ones, but enough that you can tell what it’s supposed to be.” She held her shot glass up, and Summer met it with her own in the middle.

“To me on my birthday,” Summer toasted, cheeky tone mirroring the smirk still on her face.

Raven returned the look, finally feeling like she was back on her game. “To everything that happens on your birthday,” she shot back. The blush that colored Summer’s cheeks undid her all over again.

I’m a mess, Raven thought to herself, I’m an absolute mess what the fuck. She at least managed to down her shot without any issue. Flavored vodka usually wasn’t her thing, but exceptions could be made.

“You don’t do this a lot, do you?” Raven asked as their drinks were set on the bar counter. Bright blue this time, with two cherries speared on top of each. They both grabbed their drinks and turned to head back to their table. “Get strangers to buy you drinks,” she added for clarification. She wasn’t trying to be mean. There were just too many soft edges to the other girl’s words.

Summer looked up at her, biting her lower lip, and Raven really needed to look away before she tripped. “Is it that obvious?” She spoke the question like it was an admission, with none of the confidence she’s displayed up to this point. “I didn’t even plan on it, I just- You look like what leaps of faith were made for.”

Raven was quiet for a bit, their progress back to the table slowing considerably. Summer’s words tore through her chest, living proof that the softness around her only covered up how dangerous she really was. A glance down to her side felt like someone took that knife and twisted. Uncertainty was not a good look on Summer, and Raven decided that she needed to do something to get it off of her face right now.

“I don’t know if I believe in leaps of faith,” Raven huffed dryly, “but I’m willing to try anything for a pretty girl who asks me to buy her a drink.” And making people feel better wasn’t really Raven’s thing, but the sparkling smile that lit up Summer’s face almost made her want it to be.

She definitely wasn’t going to survive the night.

#rosebird week 2019 #rose bird week #rosebird #oneshot #not a quote

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didimentionthatimawriter · 5 years ago

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The Book So Far... Now vs. NaNoWriMo

It’s been a few months since I’ve announced that I’m writing a novel. A lot has happened since then. I finished up school and took two weeks off before I started work at a theatre internship several hours away from my hometown. So far I am a little more than 30,000 words in, and I’ve been making good progress. It’s not always daily, but so far I’ve been doing a good job with meeting my monthly goals. This month I want to hit 50,000.

Like I’ve said before, this isn’t my first time trying to write a novel. There have been many attempts before, but this is the second one where I have made this much progress. The first time was when I was writing for NaNoWriMo, and I successfully wrote 50,000 words within the 30 days. Lately, I’ve been comparing this experience with that one. At this point in the novel during NaNoWriMo, I was starting to get exasperated and writing every day felt like a chore that most days I was too tired to do. This time around, I still get days like that but it isn’t every day like it was last time. For the most part, I’ve been kept motivated to work on my book. I was thinking about this earlier, and I decided to make a list of differences and reasons why it seems easier this time. I thought by posting it, maybe other people who are struggling with their writing might look at this and be motivated to try something new. There’s no guarantee that these things will work for everyone because every writer has a different writing process.

1. I have more time. This may be the biggest thing. It’s a lot easier for me to write 1,000 words a day, five days a week instead of 2,000 words every day. There’s a lot more flexibility in that schedule, and having a steady weekly goal of 5,000 words means that when life happens (exam I forgot to study for, friends wanting to go out for the night, or just feeling burnt out or stuck) then I have some space to catch up later. Whereas with NaNoWriMo I pretty much had to stick with my schedule and if I fell behind it was a huge pain to catch up.

That being said, this has also reminded me that established, professional writers with much tighter schedules have to write a lot more in a shorter amount of time, especially when they have a contract for a series. But I’ve also reminded myself that I’m not a professional writer yet. I’m a full-time student and part-time worker, so I don’t have six or more hours to spend writing, and at this point in my life, that’s okay.

2. More time means it is spread out more, so I’m not just writing during the busiest time of the semester.

3. I have beta readers. I asked three of my close friends to be my first readers for this book and told them specifically, “You will have this book in your hands by December 31st.” Originally, I was thinking I would have to throw together the 100,000 words before the deadline and shove them a mess of raw, unedited prose in all of its typoed and misspelled glory, but since I’ve been making good progress I’m thinking that I’ll have more time to edit the book and I can spare them the cringe so that they can actually tell me if it’s a good story or not. I like to talk to them sometimes and tell them about the progress I’m making, and they all have been really supportive and great at holding me accountable. Plus, one of them has asked me to beta read her story in return, and I am really excited to return the favor.

4. I’ve taken the time in the past few months to read up on writing advice from my favorite writers; namely @neil-gaiman. I just finished his Master Class and his words of advice were relatable and inspiring, and it taught me a lot. I wish I could share everything I learned, but that would take too much time and it would be so much better if you heard his advice from him. I will say the biggest thing I took from the class was trying to establish what your story is about. The example he used was that Coraline was about bravery. Establishing that my story is about growing up and keeping that in the back of my mind has helped me lay out a path for my novel that I can try to follow, (even if I do fall down a few rabbit holes or wander into fields of daisies along the way. But hey, isn’t that what the rough draft is for?)

With this, I found a new way to motivate myself. Reading advice from other writers has helped me realize that all of my struggles are part of the process that everyone faces. It really boosts your self-esteem when you know that your favorite writer also suffers from writer’s block from time to time. The best part, though, is that they have enough experience that they can give you suggestions on how to get out of it and help yourself. Most writers won’t say that their way is the only way to do it because they know that every writer works differently.

5. Motivation. Some free time over the summer has given me the chance to play with different ways to motivate myself to keep writing. So far the best things I have found revolve around rewarding myself for work.

I tend to be a visual person, and something that I did was from a suggestion I found online that said to get a calendar and some stickers to mark every day that you write. This has helped me a lot because it is really satisfying to see all of the stickers line up and remind yourself of all the work you’ve done when you feel bogged down.

I’ve also started keeping a bag of mini Reeses’ Cups on my desk and give myself one whenever I finish a writing session. Yes, treats. Just like a dog. They work.

So I guess the point of all of this is to try and find ways to motivate and reward yourself based on your process. Set a goal for yourself, establish how you will treat yourself when you reach that goal, and you will find that your reward plus the satisfaction of knowing you’ve made some progress will motivate you to keep going.

Edit: Hahahaha I meant to post this a year ago.... I’m posting it anyway because I think I’ve got some solid things to say.

Also, in case you were wondering, I finished my book in September and sent my rough draft to my beta readers in December. They are currently reading it and leaving helpful comments for me, and I’m working on the editing process and my new goal is to have a solid draft by the end of June so I can maybe start sending it out in July.

#creative writing #novel #writing a book #fantasy #writing goals #beta readers #writing struggles #createeveryday #creativity #writer #author #books #writing advice

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shawnstoriesx · 6 years ago

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Old Times Pt 1

heylo! sorry for being so inactive i was a busy girl and i rlly just couldn’t figure out how to continue the fics i started so i just made a whole new one XD anywayz i will get back to those until then ! feedback would be greatly appreciated! thanks for sticking around i love youuuuuuuu

YN climbed out her bedroom window and onto the roof of her house, letting out a small groan when she heard loud yelling downstairs. So much for a peaceful evening.

With a pizza box clutched in one hand and a light blanket in the other, she rushed her way to the front of her house. At first glance, the trek from YN’s bedroom window would seem tricky but she’d grown used to it. Every Thursday night for the past 4 years, YN’s roof had been the designated hang out spot for her and her neighbor. YN could probably do this blindfolded. She quickly set down the blanket and pizza box before lying down on the blanket too, staring up at the setting sky. It was the day before her high school graduation and YN’s body was pounding with emotions. Her nerves were on edge. She couldn’t wait to graduate and was excited for the next chapter of her life but was also anxious about starting college and leaving all her friends behind. Or rather her friends were all leaving her. They’d all chosen out of state schools that were hundreds of miles away while YN had opted for a school that was just a 30 minute drive. At least she still had Shawn. Shawn was her neighbor and she’d been his first new friend when he moved here the summer before their freshmen year. They’d been good friends ever since and although they didn’t hang out at school, being part of different crowds, Shawn and YN talked almost every day, whether it be in person, through text, or by writing on paper and pressing it up to their bedroom windows which were directly across from each other. Shawn had opted to dorm to get the “whole college experience” so YN was comforted by the fact that he’d always be on campus. Perhaps they could even hang out together once school started. Speaking of which, YN checked her phone to see the time. 7:15 PM. Shawn was only 15 minutes late to their standing hangout so YN didn’t think much of it. This was their last hangout as high schoolers and probably their last in a while since they’d be away all summer. YN and her family were going on vacation the first half of summer and Shawn was going on a road trip with his friends for the last half so this was kind of an important one to YN and probably to Shawn too. He was probably just caught up at work and running a little late. YN went back to looking up at the sky and perusing her thoughts. Another 15 minutes passed and it was starting to get chilly. YN walked back to her bedroom window to quickly grab a jacket. Texting Shawn probably would be a good idea too. Walking back to her spot on the front of the roof, YN unlocked her phone and started to type a message when she heard noise coming from her neighbor’s front yard. Shawn’s front yard specifically. He’s here! YN steadily made her way to the front of her house but stopped midway upon hearing multiple voices from Shawn’s yard. “Thanks for the ride man. I’ve been meaning to get my bike fixed.” Shawn yelled out and then YN heard a car door shut. “No problem!” another voice called out while another one yelled “Hurry up and change! We’re already late to the bonfire.” Bonfire? YN quickly ducked down behind the peak of her roof and peered up into Shawn’s yard. There was a truck packed with 3 boys and after a few minutes, Shawn jogged out of his house in swim trunks and a backpack slung over his back. “Your parents cool with you going out with us?” “Yeah.” Shawn shrugged. “It’s not like I had anything else to do today.” YN stayed hidden behind her roof until she was sure that Shawn and his friends had left. She quietly walked back to where she had placed the pizza box and blanket earlier in the evening, picked everything up, and returned to her bedroom. It was just another hangout, YN thought. There really wasn’t anything special about it. They’d been doing this every week for the past 4 years so it should’ve lost its charm but YN couldn’t help but feel hurt. She pulled her blankets over her frame and shut her eyes. She’ll just call it an early night.

“YN! Honey! Do you have class today?”

YN groggily woke up to the sound of her mother calling from the kitchen downstairs. She let out a tired groan. She’d stayed up late last night to finish an essay but at least she got it done with. Sure she was feeling a bit sleep deprived but as soon as she submitted this essay in class, YN would finally be done with all of the finals from her first year of college.

She blindly reached around her bed to find her phone, letting out another frustrated groan when she heard it fall off her bed and onto the floor. YN tried to unlock her phone...but it wasn’t turning on.

YN cursed under her breath. She must’ve forgotten to charge it last night. YN plugged it into its charger and made her way to her restroom to get ready for school.

“YN! Aren’t you going to be late?”

Late? “What time is it Mom?”

“8:45.”

“FUCK! Why didn’t you wake me up earlier?” YN yelled. Her class started at 9 AM.

Her mother muttered something unintelligible as she scrambled to the sink and hastily brushed her teeth before running back to her room and haphazardly throwing on clothes she found lying around her room before flying down the stairs and running to her car.

YN started the engine and was backing out of her driveway when she noticed her mom running out of the doorway...with YN’s backpack in her arms.

“Thanks Mom.” YN said sheepishly as she rolled down her windows so that her mom could push the backpack in.

Her mom simply laughed, threw out a quick “Love you,” and walked back into the house.

***

45 minutes later, because of course the one time YN had woken up late all year was also the day there was an insane amount of traffic and congestion, YN pulled into the school parking lot and sprinted out and to her class.

YN arrived, out of breath, just as students were beginning to file out of the lecture hall. She’d made it just in time. She could sneak in right now and slip her essay into the pile and everything would be alright.

“YN!” a voice called and she looked up to see her friend Belinda walking over. “Where were you? I’ve been texting you nonstop!”

“Sorry!” YN gasped in between breaths. “My phone died so my alarm didn’t go off. But it’s all good.” YN let out a weak smile and raised the hand that was grasping onto her paper. “Got here just in time to.” But that smile quickly washed off her face when she noticed Belinda’s concerned look.

“YN. He collected the essays at the beginning of class.”

***

YN made her way to the front of the hall where she saw another student deep in conversation with the professor. She took in a deep breathe to calm herself down and prepared what she was going to say. If he just checked her grades on all the other assignments for this class, he’d see that she was a stellar student. Today was just a slight slip up.

“Can I help you?”

She snapped out of her thoughts and saw that the professor and the other student were looking at her. “Uhh...I came late.” YN stuttered, holding up her essay. Very eloquent YN.

“You too?” her professor sighed.

YN’s eyes glanced to the other student and she looked rather frustrated. That didn’t bode well.

“Look, I can’t accept your essays. They were due at the beginning of class and I have a strict no tolerance late work policy.” YN’s face must’ve visibly fallen because her professor quickly laughed. “But...I am in a good mood so you two ladies can collaborate on a presentation responding to the essay prompt. Record the presentation and send it to me by midnight Sunday. How does that sound?”

The two girls nodded their heads in agreement and relief before walking out together.

“How do you want to do this? I’m Zara by the way.”

YN muttered a small sigh of relief. Yes! A partner who would take charge and wouldn’t leave YN to do all the work. She flashed Zara a small smile. “I’m YN! And we should start today. Plan today, film Saturday, and edit Sunday.”

Zara frowned. “I can’t do tonight...I’m having an end of the year party at my place.” she responded simply.

“Oh.” YN deadpanned. So Zara was probably the type to push all the work on YN. “When does it start?”

“7 ish”

“Was this your last class?”

“No. I have class until 12.”

“Same here. Can we meet after 12 and we can finish when you need to get ready for your party?” YN mentally patted herself on the back. There was no way Zara could get out of this.

“Yeah fine.” sighed. “Give me your number. We can meet at my house.”

***

YN pulled into Zara’s driveway where she was quickly rushed into a small room cramped in the very back of the house by the host herself.

“Look I have people coming over later to help me set up so I’ll be in and out a lot to check on them.” Zara said matter of factly as she sat beside YN and pulled out her laptop.

An hour in, a loud commotion came from the front of the house and Zara sprung to her feet to open the door for her friends. YN continued working on the presentation and didn’t notice how long Zara had been away until she was halfway through making the slideshow presentation.

She could hear laughter coming from outside of the room so she figured that she’d slip out quickly to remind Zara they had a presentation to work on. YN creaked the door open and peaked through the crack. She could see people gathered in the kitchen and as soon as she opened the door, YN was met with the aroma of pizza. YN took a few quick breaths to muster up some courage and confidently walked out to confront Zara.

“Uh hey, Zara. I got about halfway done with the presentation but I kinda need your help on it so whenever you’re free.” YN said as she walked into the other girl’s kitchen.

The conversation halted and everyone in the room turned to stare at YN. Suddenly quite self-conscious, YN’s eyes darted away from the others’ gaze and onto the pizza box on the counter.

“Do you want some pizza YN?” a gentle voice asked. A voice that definitely wasn’t Zara’s. A voice that was definitely male.

YN looked up and her face dropped. Standing on the other side of the counter was Shawn Mendes. Her ex-neighbor and ex-friend. The one who bailed on their last hangout. The one she hadn’t spoken a single word to since before their graduation.

“I’m good. Thanks.” YN responded coldly before shifting her body to face Zara. She didn’t have to shift far though since Zara was standing beside Shawn. In fact, his arm was slung around her shoulders. Interesting.

“Just join me when you’re done and I’ll be out of your way.” And with that YN walked back to the room she was in earlier and worked on the presentation with newfound rigor and focus. She just wanted to get out of this place as soon as possible and if that meant finishing without Zara, then so be it.

***

She stayed focused on her laptop screen when YN heard the door creak open. “I’m about done with the presentation so we can wrap this up probably within the hour and-“

“Hi YN.”

YN stopped typing to look up at Shawn who had just closed the door behind him. Now that they were both crammed into this room, YN could see that he’d changed quite a bit since they last saw each other. His hair was longer and curlier. He’d bulked up quite a bit. And...was that a piercing in his ear?

“Zara said you came over as soon as both of you got out of class so I’m assuming you haven’t eaten lunch yet...so I brought you pizza.” Shawn brought a plate out from behind his back and offered it to YN. “It was pepperoni but I know you don’t like that so I picked off all the pepperoni for you.” he added with a smile.

YN stared blankly at the plate and boy in front of her. Once upon a time she probably would’ve appreciated the offer and the fact that Shawn remembered how she liked her pizza but that was the old YN. She’s since changed. “Thanks but I’m not very hungry.” She started typing away and that was the only noise that filled the room for several moments until YN noticed that Shawn was still standing there.

She mustered up a weak smile. “I’m fine. Honest. I don’t really like pizza anyways.”

Shawn’s brows furrowed. “But cheese pizza is your favorite.”

“It WAS my favorite. Things changed.” YN went back to typing, hoping that Shawn got the hint to leave her alone.

Instead, he took a seat beside her. “So…” Shawn started. “Haven’t talked to you in a while.”

YN secretly rolled her eyes and gave a curt nod.

“Probably since the summer. Move in day maybe?”

“Graduation.” she corrected him.

He let out what YN would’ve described as a nervous laugh. “Yeah right. We probably saw each other-“

“No. It was graduation.” she cut in firmly. Or rather it was a couple days before graduation. They hadn’t even spoken to each other during their ceremony. But who was keeping track...Certainly not YN.

“Damn.” he whispered softly.

Another beat of quiet passed.

“How’s life been?”

“Good.”

“Oh...that’s good to hear. Where do you live now?”

“Other side of town.” YN paused before adding “I’m planning on staying with my dad this summer though.”

YN instantly regretted saying that. Saying that she’d be back in her old house this summer. The house that was right next to Shawn’s. It was like she was hoping to get to see Shawn and hang out with him again and that was far from the truth. She wanted to stay as far away from him as possible.

She quickly shut her laptop and rushed to put her belongings back in her backpack. “Look I think I’m gonna head back now. Can you tell Zara that I’ll finish the last few slides at home and we’ll text to meet tomorrow to film.”

“Wait-you’re not staying for the party?”

YN let out a quick laugh and shook her head. “Not really my thing. And I don’t really know Zara so I’d feel weird.”

“You know me though.”

She flashed Shawn a weird look, trying to get a read on if Shawn was being serious or not. They haven’t exchanged a single word in the past year and he was acting as if nothing had changed between them. As if they were still friends and neighbors.

“I’m good.” she smiled. YN walked out, muttered her goodbyes to Zara and her other friends who were all laughing at some joke, and got into her car.

***

It was now Saturday morning and Zara was expected to come over any moment now. YN finished up the slides last night and they both agreed to film at YN’s house since Zara’s place was probably a mess from the party last night.

She’d just finished setting up the mic when she heard a car pull up in her driveway. YN peeked her head into the kitchen where her mother was cooking to announce that her partner was here and ask if she could open the door while YN ran to the restroom really quickly. When YN returned, she was shocked to see her mom and Zara sitting in the living room...with Shawn.

“YN! Oh great! You won’t believe who dropped Zara off. It’s been a while since I last saw you huh Shawn.”

She snapped out of her daze and sat beside her mom on the couch across from Zara and Shawn. “Yeah uh hi guys.”

“So do you guys see each other a lot at school?” her mother innocently asked.

“No. Not really.” YN answered in monotone.

“Yeah I guess we’ve just been busy. And it’s a big campus.” Shawn answered with a bit more inflection.

YN couldn’t help but let out a bitter laugh, which pulled a frown from both her mom and Shawn.

“Anyways...I should get going. I just came to drop Zara off” he said before turning to Zara. “Text me when you’re about done.”

“Oh why don’t you stay and we can catch up Shawn! YN said the recording shouldn’t take more than an hour. It’ll save you the trip.”

Zara’s expression perked up at the suggestion and YN practically twisted her neck to shoot her mom a look that expressed “No. Why?”

“Uh if that’s fine with you that’d be great.” Shawn smiled.

“Great! I’ll get some snacks for you kids!” YN’s mom bustled out of the living room to grab whatever she could find in the kitchen, leaving YN, Shawn, and Zara alone.

After a couple seconds of the 3 of them just sitting there and staring at each other, Zara broke the silence. “So let’s hurry this up.”

YN and Zara worked quickly in another room while Shawn and her mom caught up in the living room. The loud laughter and conversation from the room did very little to distract the girls from recording. YN figured they were both eager to wrap up quickly and go on with their Saturday plans. After all, it was supposed to be summer break. Shawn and Zara were dressed to go to the beach or a pool party and YN had a date with her bed and Netflix.

“Okie I think that’s good. We just have to edit and then we’re done.” Zara declared confidently.

“Editing shouldn’t take too long either. Great job! How do you want editing to go? We can meet up or you edit one half and I edit the other half?”

“I don’t think we should split up the editing. It’ll just look and sound weird.”

YN nodded. “Good point. What time are you free tomorrow?”

Zara frowned. “The thing is...I’m not free tomorrow. I’m flying back home at 11 AM. And it’s a 6 hour flight.”

“Oh.” YN’s mind raced with ideas to work this out because there is no way in hell that she’d be editing this all by herself again. “Why don’t you just stay behind a bit. And we can edit together.”

“Shawn and I actually have plans.”

YN let out a frustrated sigh. She was really done with this and just wanted Shawn and Zara out of her house. “Fine. How about I finish editing today and then I’ll send it to you and you look over it before your flight?”

Her partner’s face instantly lit up at the suggestion. “Great! Look at us! Teamwork makes the dream work.” Zara picked up her laptop and made her way back to the living room with YN following in defeat.

“Done?” Shawn asked when he saw the two girls enter the room.

“Yep! YN just has to edit!” Zara answered excitedly as she slid into the seat beside Shawn.

Shawn flashed YN a smile to acknowledge her presence and noted her sullen expression. “Err Zara...are you editing too?”

“No. I have my flight tomorrow remember? YN is going to do it and then I’ll look over it before we turn it in. You wanna go now?”

He looked back at YN with concern. “Zara why don’t you stay and help edit for a while. We still got time and I’m still talking with Mrs…” Shawn’s eyes widened when he caught his mistake. “Sorry I mean Miss…”

YN’s mother simply laughed. “It’s alright Shawn! Just call me by my first name. We can skip all the formalities love.”

Shawn nodded and reverted his attention back to his girlfriend. “How does that sound?”

Zara shot Shawn a cold glare and begrudgingly got back up to help YN edit.

One hour later, the girls finished editing and decided to submit the assignment early just to get it over with. Zara returned to the living room with a smile, knowing that this time she and Shawn were definitely leaving.

“What are your plans for today?” YN’s mom inquired as she walked their guests to the door.

“We’re going to the beach today with some friends!” Zara responded with a smile.

“Oh that sounds nice! Have fun dears.” YN’s mom closed the door behind her and and then turned to YN.

“You going to ever tell me what happened between you and Shawn?” she asked with a raised brow.

“It’s nothing. We just stopped talking.”

“Mhm...well I hope you’re not busy today. I’m going to need you to run by the the farmer’s market to buy some food.”

#love triangle #double love triangle #is that a thing??#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes au #college au #shawn mendes angst #neighbors au #college!shawn #neighbor!shawn

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years ago

Text

14x01 watching notes

RIP Kip, we hardly knew ye.

Well hey, returning friends and people who unwittingly clicked on this not knowing exactly what they're in for. Blowing off the dust and starting a new season of Dabb fuckery, which I spent way too long trying to think of a portmanteau for when I already have the episode downloaded

It's 5am, let's DO THIS.

So they start with Dean's Hi I Am A Cop On The Day Before I Retire speech re: hula girls and hawaiian t-shirts which is remarkably prescient of me to have been irrationally upset about that one detail after I binged most of season 13 last night to get me back in the mood. So now I have to elaborate on my one line textpost >.>

Because yes, that is the perfect note to start the season on: Dean thought the good times had rolled, allowed himself to hope, assembled himself a family with mom and step-pop (Bobby counts as a full father but AU Bobby is step-pop), brother, husband, kid... Said kid was promising A World Without Monsters aka Dabb's showrunning tagline for an endgame he teases them. And Lucifer was tucked safely away in an AU with the murderous Michael... And then in a series of events it all came crumbling down and with this amount of goodness in his grasp, he gave up what even when the real Michael was hounding him for it, he couldn't before.

Because in season 13 it is beyond obvious that Dean is tired, an Old Hunter, the best of his game but ready to bow out on that note, and yet for him it's not a matter of stepping back and letting someone else handle it because when Michael and Lucifer were involved, it was beyond personal. He and Sam only EXIST because Lucifer and realMichael wanted them to. And so there was no way this trouble would come to someone else's door, when it was the nasty angel on his shoulder and the devil on Sam's and we have Nougat as their collective responsibility who's the nexus of it all anyway.

Eeee the Road So Far text is glowy grace colour on a dark blue background. I'm JIZED for the title card.

Goodness, the Road So Far is a weird journey because we see Jack being all useful and magic and then callbacks to 13x01 and 2 where he was a messed up 2 day old and Dean just wanted to murder him.

I haven't outlined any expectations for this episode or even this recap but I suddenly realise that I should probably be wondering how much DeanCas we're gonna get in it, and this rage against Jack is subtextually motivated, for sure, but for me the first 6 episodes of Dean's grief arc were wonderful character stuff but removed from the main plot and therefore in my head I keep boxing them off like a bubble season, like 10x01-3 are, and I legit wasn't even expecting to SEE content from them in the recap, because brilliant as they are I sort of just forgot they were a part of this season despite watching them yesterday. The season for me became so much the Jack And Mary Search that this hiccup at the start didn't meet the requirements to be in season 13 :P

They're just That Time Dean Was Really Sad About Cas Then He Came Back And They Were Cowboys

Oh good there was "everybody we've lost" and then a recap of Cas dying and then - oh, we're recapping plot again? Er... everybody? Dean? Who else? DEAN?

this was the thinly veiled subtext of that line anyway since Dean waved off Mary and made it all about Cas anyways but. Yikes, editing team.

Jesus I watched season 13 yesterday and I forgot about Asmodeus. You know what, this is pre-coffee AND the 2 types of anti-brain fog medication I gobble in the morning.

But he's that much of a useless lump

Also too much Lucifer nipple on screen pre-coffee. Ick.

Nice recapping of Not The Levitating Fight.

NOW

Stock photo Nyoom of the season!! Hi Baby! You aren't in this episode because Eugenie said the car wasn't being used this season

Sam's got his Vengeance Eyes on but he's all scruffy and grown up so I trust him 10000% to get the job done.

OW. FUCK. OW. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. GOOD USE OF INTERSTITIAL MUSIC

Why were you even listening to Dean's tapes if they fuck you up that badly? IS THIS YOUR VENGEANCE PLAYLIST? I'VE BEEN WAITING 10 YEARS

Actually, I haven't, I binged 4-5-6 as one unit after thinking the show was cancelled during the writers' strike but the point is that Sam and his ipod in 4x01 is immediately in my head because he was listening to his own music and being a hipster douche, but now he is not on demon blood he has not installed an ipod dock because he's GETTING DEAN BACK, DAMMIT but at the same time he's also realising that this means a heavy toll that the only driving music in the car is Dean's stuff...

Oh no, this must be the guy from the SDCC clip we hadn't seen because Osric Chau is banned forever for illegally uploading them all for us in the past, and all I know is that Deanchael is going to Fuck Him Up and I feel very bad for him

*raises my mug to Osric* I'm sure you tried, dude. And thanks for the previous years.

Hi Deanchael. I noticed in a promo pic that his tie has that sacred geometry type pattern on it which is a detail I made a mental note to type out literally anywhere in the like month between there and here and did not so here it is at a hopefully appropriate place.

Based on every other scene setting detail I suspect that this faithful man is actually still within the USA because this is literally the cabin set they re-use for everything. The spoilers made it sound like Deanchael was globe trotting to raise his army but now I see what's around us... Yeah no he's as focused on the US as every other big bad before.

Anyway they really specifically chose this prayer to Allah because of how pointed it was about being only for Allah and how he was the best, so I'm assuming Deanchael is here to be like yo God's gone and I'm your last chance of faith

Like just ruin his day and he got up at like 4am or whatever the first prayer is to do it and all

I hope, like, no offence to any Muslim viewers or anything >.> They sure play fast and loose with a lot of this stuff because Christian cultures are full of bitter non-believers raised in the culture and looking to kick up at the big guy in the sky, which is not an impression I get that Islam is as used to cultural flippancy, regardless of personal beliefs of residents of predominately Muslim countries and cultures. I'm not 100% sure though, because the closest link I've got is my raised-Christian Iranian friend who applies Christian eye-rolling to the issues with being in Iran and heathen so I still get that perspective of middle fingers up at Organised Religion from our discussions about it all... anyway big diversion, still waiting for coffee to kick in :P I just swallowed the last of it so I can only get more jittery from here on out!

It's so fuckin weird to see Dean's face confidently reciting verse in Arabic

I mean you don't need the hat, sir. I get it. It's not you in there.

Well so far anyway he's playing on the fact that the guy does pray to god and his angels.

Lol @ this man guessing his way through God AND Gabe to Deanchael's annoyance that he's the 3rd guess and he has to clarify that he's the better one.

Man, Gabriel worked on his reputation. I wouldn't have been able to tell you who Michael was because there wasn't even a kid in my class with that name when I was age 4 busy portraying Gabriel in a nativity play with full impish glee that the real deal would have been proud of.

Uhoh things aren't looking good for Jamil D: Asking for peace and love is good, you funky little hippy.

Is Deanchael implying that the Syria insurgency is the route to peace? I honestly don't know enough about the American foreign policy politics to know what sort of stance this is though from a liberal leaning show (I mean come on Bobo is a card-carrying socialist, I've seen it on Twitter :P), though to an outside viewer well aware of how fucked up it all is should this have been said on a British program, this is a vast over-simplification.

But we know Michael's main traits are Likes War and then also Warmonger and of course, spoilin' for a fight. So this may be a personal judgement and as much as they're bringing politics into their show I'm just backing right on out and going with this :P That he thinks it is more honourable to stay and fight and that Jamil is a hypocrite for not sticking around to work for peace actively.

Oh Jamil hooked up with a woman called Darleen. He is FOR SURE in America.

It's so funny to me that Deanchael can fly anywhere and they could have set this anywhere but it still ends up being a wooden cabin in the US. This has to turn out to be a lead to follow with a news report about the poor guy or else this is just hysterical that they couldn't be arsed to mock up even a hint of another country :P

He knew all this about Jamil beforehand so I have to assume he's really just here to drag him.

Man, that throw was GOOD. I'm assuming they either spent all summer playing with wires and stunts or else they've gone back to the drawing board on all this flinging people around business.

"A better world" oh we are so on for this World Without Monsters malarky still. This lines up with the clip from Dean they opened on so well - the dark irony of he and Michael working on the same project but from different angles. Dean wants to sort out monsters and bad things so he can go on a beach, aka his version of paradise, and Mikey wants to smush all the sinners, and clean up the planet, which is HIS version of paradise.

HECKIN GOOD TITLE CARD

now photoshop those wings on everyone

I LIKE SCRUFFY BULLET MAKER FROM THE AU.

He's like so happy to be in a world where you just casually have resources.

Meanwhile poor Maggie has become the de facto nurse and hates it.

Ugh the Bunker is a place where people just show up who yell "Soup's on!"

In my redshirt betting pool, Soups On is the first guy who dies.

Promo sceeeeene

I'm so happy Sam and Mary are doing this together. Last season Sam was so upset that Dean got to have a relationship with her, and he had missed out, but without Dean around - no offence to him - Sam and Mary may be focused on FINDING him but this is the work they also need to do for their relationship to start to ground it in something real. It's taken this long with all the separations, but remember that Mary also worked through some of her issues about Sam only last season in the AU with 6 month old Jack. And if she needed that sort of reminder and relationship to warm her up for Sam, her suddenly-grown 6 month old, then there were still a LOT of underlying issues that dated back to the start for her to overcome. Hopefully this puts them on a level playing field, though there's a new conflict brewing for them, with Mary's determined optimism vs Sam's pessimism, born of that depression from last season that never really got treated or resolved, they just managed to power past its current main triggers. Of course now it all just shifts in a Deanward direction.

I love how Ketch has been punted to London, at Buckleming discretion to drag him back. This wasn't even Bobo punting him out the door, and he and Buckleming have a violent back and forth over favourite characters, started in 9x06 with Bobo's very first episode when he banished Professor Morrison forever.

MARY TRIES MOMMING SAM TO GO TO BED

THEN SCRUFFY GUN GUY IS LIKE "CHIEF"

Chieeeeeeef.

Sam runs the shooow here and I love it. He's their badass MoL hunter leader, a scruffy saviour from another world.

Given Sam is wearing the same shirt and jacket in the promo pics I'm guessing he does not sleep, though I hope he gets to eat the soup.

"Maggie can you hack the traffic cams?" "um. no."

I love and support Maggie. She is a normal person who happened to live in apocalypse world and she just wants to flirt with the guy from the Gas n Go who probably hasn't talked to her since that got blown up and Jack attacked him over her... I mean, this is better than the AU world but maybe she just wants to be normal? Did anyone ask Maggie what she wanted??

SAM. You can eat your soup and run things at the same time! Get back here and eat that soup!

"yes sir"

Goodness, this is wonderful. Sam's doing what he was born to do, and then not because that was leading a friggin demon army, but then yes because he's got inherent leadership traits that he defers to Dean all the time because, well, he's there, and he's big bro.

Look, sometimes you need big bro to murder Satan's ass for you forever, but you also should be calling the shots. There's a balance here, where Dean can be the older brother, but Sam can be the boss. Work/life balance. Dean's got your back but you command an army of hunters, like we've all been salivating over since like season 8 when they first said the MoL ran the Bunker as the hub of operations dictating stuff to trusted hunters and the like.

Of course, if Sam is the Bobby here, then who is the AUBobby? I hope we see what's up with that soon, I've been wanting them to bristle those beards in an alpha way at each other for months, because AUBobby was their leader before Sam because Sir Chief.

"Sam."

"i'm good"

*mothering intensifies*

"i'm GOOD"

*mothering intensifies*

"How's Jack"

You aren't used to being mothered and it's murdering me completely to my soul. Dean's got SO MUCH MOTHERING all through the show compared to you. He even sees Jody as a mom friend while you crush on her like crazy so you haven't even got that!!!!

Because Chief Sam is the boss of this lot but at the SAME TIME he's getting all these soft tender mom moments he's never got to have before. It's a wonderful balance of nuances to his current life. He's overworked but surrounded by a supportive care team that respects him, gives him soup, and holds his hand, literally in Mary's case. And yet he's the scruffy macho competent boss who knows how to call all these shots, deputise, set up missions, but still knows more than them, how to do traffic cams, I'm sure years of lore over most of these hunters who only learned to deal with what got thrown at them in the apocalypse by trial and error because when do they get lore books? Mary and Bobby and other pre-apocalypse hunters would be few and far between to offer competent training to a populace suddenly all turned hunter.

Oh, AUBobby is beating up Jack. Perfect.

AAAH DIRECTED BY TJW

WAS NOT ADEQUATELY HOLDING ONTO SEAT

WARN A GIRL

I love finally seeing the training room but I'm deeply conscious that this is where Put Up Your Dukes starts and I can't get that fan fic out my mind so I'm just like, Jack, don't lie on the floor, your dads have banged there.

I'm so happy that AUBobby is nurturing a grandson, because this is the difference between him and Bobby - that our Bobby had that with Sam n Dean, but AUBobby never did. Though he DID have Mary Campbell to crush on, I doubt it would have softened him and rounded out the harsh places in his soul the same way raising Sam and Dean did, because he had an unrequited love and she hadn't gotten over John, while this recently widowed Mary Winchester actually has made better progress just because of the circumstances of the loss. Anyways Jack has no preexisting history with Bobby so there's nothing weird about him and AUBobby stepping into a nurturing relationship, that Sam n Dean would find uncomfortable in a way, given their relationship with Bobby. And Jack gets yet another strong figure to teach and guide him.

AUBobby looks slim and stands tall compared to Bobby, which I'm largely putting down to posture, and not being drowned in layers. I like this difference - Bobby almost never voluntarily dressed in 1 layer, but AUBobby has a more military slant, and this training sergeant routine with Jack is a good fit to show a difference in his character, that isn't surly old Bobby behind his desk, that he's involved in teaching Jack to fight, rather than helping hunters with lore and swigging whiskey.

I'd assume given the lack of availability in his AU, he's considerably less alcohol dependant, so this is a very different character thing. If Bobby were doing this training, and nothing else was different, he'd be taking a breather to pour them both a whiskey as he imparts wisdom.

Demon in nice shoes and dark sunglasses at night to indicate that yes I am a demon I have black eyes :P I assume this is a demon anyway not just because of this detail but pre-season spoilers

Ah hearing Cas's name is enough to make my heart pick up. MY GUY!

But then, "Castiel, darling"

Stop trying to make Good Omens happen, it's not going to happen. You can't just "darling" up to an angel and expect that good good romance. Crowley took years to wear Cas down and Cas never actually LIKED him, down to their last real interaction where Cas was just "WTF???? LEAVE ME TO ROT AND DIE" when Crowley saved him in 12x12

God I miss that

"Oh god."

Same, buddy.

You do, however, realise this is your first words of the season gifset line, though?

Someone ought to write to Dabb and inform him that people make first and last word gifsets and to be more careful.

Especially if in the last episode at the end of the season, Cas's last word is "Dean"

Anyway Cas has said 1 line and I can tell he's on top form. Unlike 10x01 he's in a hipster hogroast joint.

This demon, with dark black sunglasses inside at night (douchebag) just ordered a coffee, black. WE GET IT, ENOBY DEMENTIA DARKNESS RAVEN WAY, YOU ARE GOFFIC AND IT'S AS BLACK AS YOUR SOUL

LOL Cas is sitting under the JACK'S sign.

Demon douche sits under Schultz, which is the death beer. And lemme tell you, TJW is well-versed in this. So well-versed in it he's sat Cas in front of a classic El Sol flyer with the subtle touch required to tell Dean that Cas is his dream girl. He knows his shit.

This seriously seems to be implying that the rise of hipster food joints is an effort from Hell to spread chaos on earth

Cas sitting with his back to the fire is such an interesting visual, but this is just a note to self for later to guess what it all means

THIS FUCKIN DEMON TOOK HIS BLACK SUNGLASSES OFF TO SHOW OFF HIS BLACK EYES

Dabb is so good at incidental characters, and making me hate this guy for nuanced nonsensical reasons is amazing. This is... art...

This is a callback to 5x08 and Dean ranting about hating procedural cop shows then him and sam taking their sunglasses on and off at night every time they made a pun and I'm 100% convinced since 12x01 and Cas busting through that Mystery Spot sign that Gabriel has been subtly influencing events

Okay so we know exactly what is written on demon bathroom walls. I'm taking that as a sideways confirmation that Cain knew full well that Dean had his Colette because he'd seen crude doodles of them doing it

Anyway douchedemon just outright told Cas that all the demons assume he and Dean in particular are banging. Not that Cas bangs Winchesters, as some have implied, without knowing all the details. They've narrowed this info down.

I assume this is also in the Winchester Dossier that Barthamus studied from before meeting them. I love that demons probably do have a filing cabinet somewhere of all the notable assholes they run into in their work, and the Winchesters take up a whole cabinent, but the refresher file summarising them in a paragraph if you don't have time is like, Sam: Lazy boyking, will stab you. Dean: fucking Castiel, will stab you.

Cas doesn't even move an eyebrow. Incredible.

Cas rarely gets hit with these compared to Dean in the history of the show, and Dean is full of bluster or anger or confusion or alarmed eyebrows. Cas is like... no. fuck you. i'm party!Cas, I have my shit in order.

Though this is from a demon. It's an entirely different thing when Heaven is involved, as they also have their dossier on the winchesters.

Sam: abomination. will banish you. Dean: fucking Castiel. Will stab you.

*loud coffee slurp* "what's in it for moi?

Cas, stab him. Stab him now. This is not worth the information. You can find another guy.

I'm starting to think Cas with his back to the flames is his unwitting danger from this hellish hogroast place.

They use Shultz beer containers to hold the sauces and menus on the table. DEEEEATH

Cas speaking slower and threatening to burn him to ash "right here and right now"

this is a gifset that will get a lot of notes from thirsty Cas fans

Whaaaaaaaa the entire joint turned out to be owned by and filled with demons who would ever have guessed based on one open fire and that metal hogs head from the promo pics :P

Stop hurting him!!!! Misha can't stage fight! This is really unfair!!

I wonder how the poor new awesome fight coordinator took to Misha

"let's just... um..." "hide him behind all these demons?" TJW suggests The fight guy nods sadly.

Aww Sister Jo got back to work. Good for her.

Sister Jo has no fear and can stroll down a shady alley counting her money

*t-shirt meme* One fear: *flappy wing noises*

"Hey Jo."

GHOLY SHIT TRUE FORMS TYHUEOJDSHGFSH DS TRUE FORMS WE SEE WHAT ANGELS SEEE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD SCIENCE HAS CAUGH T UP TO THE DIVINE, SPN CAN FINALL Y SHOW US WHAT ANGELS SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Holy shit I want the gif of this as my blog header. That's shitting amazing.

Burning HALO

ALL HIS CHI POINTS LIT UP EVEN WHEN IT MAKES IT LOOK SILLY TO HAVE HIS CALVES GLOWING

I wonder if this is what Danneel sees when she looks at Jensen all the time

"Why would he say yes to you?"

"Love"

I'm dying and I am dead. I gather that Dean is 100% absent from this episode, but that one comment puts him front and centre and I am in paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain. Everything happening around Michael and because of Michael is because Dean loves his peeps. From Sam staying up hacking traffic cams on vampires to Cas getting his ass handed to him by demons.

I bet Cas looks like that single glowstick he had on in the cave when angels look at him.

Party!Cas

I ruined the fun

Jensen gently touches Danneel's face and that's just rude because that's all his tenderness for his wife being turned into a scary villain move between Deanchael and Jo. Don't do this to them!!!

Oooof Deanchael pulls from Dean's memory of Anael about what she was like, describing her in the most Cas-like terms, then cuts through her hilarious bull about wanting handbags (this is so meta about sticking middle fingers in the faces of people who think she's a well-paid beard) and then starts telling her she wants love and a family.

Deanchael has used the word "love" twice in a scene and it's horrifying to see the word come out of his face, when Dean is so guarded. Now Deanchael is just looking through Sister Jo and analysing what she wants - and she's playing this game very well but this move of his might still beat her. Because ow. Telling her she wants belonging and family. When she's very much established as a Cas mirror by the reminder she ran away from Heaven and doesn't want to play by their rules.

"It's very, very human of you. And so disappointing." Did all those times Lucifer sucked her grace bring her close to feeling it? To the point of permanent damage? I only ask because I know another guy this might apply to.

I wonder how much Deanchael is projecting based on conjectures because he knows Cas through Dean's eyes.

"But if they're all these sad, lost, fallen things..." Ya, that's Cas too for suresies

SAM AND JACK SAM AND JACK

Jack sitting quietly in meditation, clearly unsettled. A parallel to 13x23 when Dean came rushing in to him having a nightmare, now Sam is having a crack at parenting the boy.

Jack lying about how things were fine. Nougat. Hon. You're human now. But not that good at being human. Sam knows your tells :P

Sam interrupted mid pep-talk by Mary with some nonsense.

Jack is always so ugh... accepting and kinda flippant. He knows parental figures can be disappointing and get dragged away mid peptalk by some business.

Which he's apparently not involved in. I guess after we see him going on hunts with them in 13x23, he's grounded until he goes through basic training so not only is he useless to help with his powers to find Dean, but he can't even do the easy hunter stuff because he's just a kid.

Aww my poor baby Nougat :( He's so angsty. He's a TEEN. Lookit him! All growed up!

Uuugh I guess this is Nick. "I didn't talk to him. I can barely look at him."

What I'm getting from this sequence mainly is the sound of Triss's rage at the Bunker layout.

*Mary pats Sam's shoulder supportively and walks off*

You're on your own, Chief.

Ugh I am not ready for this bull if it's Nick but I have to keep watching to be sure :P

Ew it is. EW. What does Mark P HAVE on you all.

At least TJW is shooting the heck out of this to show us how gross Sam finds this all.

Sam's shadow falling over Nick.

I really want to know how this bullshit happened. And yet. No, not really.

Oh gross AND they're making Mark P take off his shirt. The nipple I didn't want to see in the Road So Far was not warning enough.

Pre-season ugh speculation was that whatever Crowley did to Nick made him stronger and more permanent apparently even than Lucifer being stabbed out of him.

So yeah anyway I guess Jack is in part also sulking about this and I'm with him, because Sam being pulled away from their pep talk time to deal with Gross Man Associated With My Father But Not Actually Him Because Biologically I Am The Son Of A Non-Historical President...

Making Sam the one who has to care for Nick is utterly cruel. He has so many deputies. Maybe this is just his personal fear that Nick's still a bit Lucifery. Maybe he just sees this as a gross burden, a manifestation of the ongoing trauma from Lucifer, that even when he's dead he lingers.

Plus, it's giving us some reassurance that an angel can be ousted from a vessel without killing them, to throw some options into the Deanchael pot.

Still. Nick. Really.

I bet Jack is sulking because some little cosmic part of him regenerating deep down in his core, that one lil gold glowy chi point in his big toe, knows that Eugenie forgot his name at SDCC and called him "Nick" and this shit from your creator just weighs on you. Jack is an entity beyond Buckleming and yet born from them, and this is what they beget: forgetting their own child in favour of this old carcass.

bitter? moi? *sips coffee noisily*

Actually, that's not true but I need some tea because I'm sulky so I'm taking this ragebreak to go make some and then I will sip it noisily in Nick's direction. :P

Everything henceforth is under the jurisdiction of hot drink no.2

"I don't understand how Lucifer could die and I could live"

I hate you

Eurgh, I bet you anything Dabb pulled a Buckleming and just took the post-it note they gave him when he asked, er, HOW does this happen? and transliterated it into dialogue because 1: all the writers shade Buckleming all the time because I can literally see it ooze out of Perez and Yockey and Bobo's writing but this is the showrunner, guyses. 2: it's such a dumbass convoluted explanation that it only burns out the archangel but if you non-fatally stab it then the guy is fine.

Which begs the question of how the fuck is Gabriel because if we get anything good from this, that fucker is in one hell of an interesting vessel situation compared to Old Nick.

PS: I am not sure how culturally saturated this is so we are all clear that Old Nick is a historically used name for Satan and his name has been a joke since 5x01 thanks to Kripke, and now we have to actually deal with that.

And then Nick is actually sympathetic to how Sam feels looking at him. I guess Mark P really wants us to feel sympathetic to his new dude.

"And Michael... did he tell Lucifer anything about his plan?"

Listen, we NEED acknowledgement that for a month or so Lucifer and AUMichael roadtripped together to assemble from their AU the key of solomon, the fruit of the tree of life, and the blood of a most holy man.

There was a lengthy downtime while people settled in and Dean was allowed to think the Good Times were rolling, and all that time, the weirdest brother roadtrip show ever was going on in the AU, mad enough that I would actually find it hilarious to watch despite enduring Mark P as a result of it.

SAM DOES NOT DESERVE THIS

He's not allowed to rest, ever.

I bet this is douchdemon phoning him from Cas's phone.

"Hello Sam!" says a perky voice down the phone. It's INCREDIBLE how unlikeable this demon is making himself. He's actually my favourite character now.

Oh no, Nougat is wearing a different grey shirt. He's really depressed. Someone help him.

"He just told you he was a demon?" "he seemed proud of it too"

Sam hates him as well. I can't wait for Sam to come scowl at him.

"What do we do?" Maggie asks, completely wide-eyed. Oh honey. Poor, innocent, sheltered Maggie. What were you doing all apocalypse until we caught up with you? You aren't hardened, you're adorable.

AUBobby and Rufus (his gun)

"I'm coming too!" YAY JACK. Your father is in trouble, he's on a hunting trip and he hasn't been home in a few days, but what a different world all the rest is

"I'm not as strong, but I can help," he says, looking tiny beside Sam, bruised up from AUBobby's training, a single layer to make him look even smaller...

(we do not talk enough about how all these jackets are a sort of alpha being shoulder plumping thing like when you make yourself look huge to scare off a mountain lion but that's 100% what this is)

IT MADE JACK SMILE yey he's allowed to feel useful! Pop is allowing him to go on a mission to rescue Dad who was looking for Papa when this all went down.

Grandpapa is not so pleased, because AUBobby has been measuring how useful Jack is and I feel like lil Nougat bab is going to do something mildly heroic for Cas or else get pasted for his ongoing character development for the season...

"He needs this, Bobby."

Dear LORD does he not quit? We don't even know his name? "Are you sure I can't get you anything... hot... or black?" FUck OFF

No wonder by the promo pic Cas looked so utterly done. This is exhaustingly annoying for him. Cas's personal hell is just irritating people. A line of Crowleys and Lucifers and this jerkwad chattering at him.

And yet Dean runs his mouth all the time and Cas is in luuuurve

Oh lordy are we really doing this coffee metaphor now? "Coffee has no effect on me" (but he once acquired the taste, and it was a core part of him being human and learning to human in the opening shot of 9x06 for him as his metaphor for how he was learning)

"me either *sluuuurp* not any more. But it's like saltwater taffy or infants. I just like the taste."

"I'm just being a good host like mother would have wanted"

Cas stops mid eyeroll to eyeroll HARDER at meeting ANOTHER demon with mommy issues. Like, please. Don't. I like Rowena now but can we NOT.

Party!Cas of Dabb era is my favourite iteration of Cas by a country mile.

"Why are you using me as bait?" "it's kind of what you're for"

Oh Cas. Now he's just the damsel in distress, which I guess is a step up from being an attack dog, but still isn't that great for the ego stroking about his role and use within the Winchester family, an ongoing source of stress for him, this reminds us.

Cas's faith in Sam is wonderful. like, as soon as douchmon says he needs something from Sam, Cas just SMIRKS like, OH BUDDY. BUDDDYYY. No, I'm not gonna say it. I'm just - "you think he'd make a deal with you?" I'm ... I don't laugh as a rule but inside? Hilarious.

"Somebody asked me what it was that I wanted" You know, I think Deanchael is INCITING people. he's not killing any of them, just using the revelation of his appearance to motivate them - moving Sister Jo to do what she wants, which is to re-organise Heaven with the ideas she had as a button pushing functionary... visiting world leaders and holy men, and this douche...

To what end, though? Chaos? This is a roundabout way to make a better world.

"Destroying, Drinking, Defiling, you know, the 3 Ds" they absolutely have posters up in Hell with this on for the newbies to learn.

We've seen Heaven's staffroom, I DEMAND to see the break room in Hell, with all its lurid Destiel smut doodled on the walls and so on

Anyway it's a hell of a question, pun intended, because demons have no real purpose, even the named baddies have largely been slaves to someone else's will (Lucifer or Crowley) and Crowley could not have answered that question from the start of season 6 through to the moment he chose to sacrifice himself... I don't think any of TFW 2.0 or Bunker Squad could answer it fully. Cas can't, and that's the question that's been bugging him since 9x06 -

EPHRAIM Shh-shh-shhh. It'll be over soon. I'll take the pain away.

CASTIEL I want to live.

EPHRAIM But as what, Castiel? As an angel? or a man?

and it's what his entire crisis in season 10 was over... Who ARE you Castiel? What do you WANT?

Dean wants a Beach Vacation Ending. He figured it out and as narrative punishment, he's Deanchael. No one else has sorted it out, though, but Sam got close - he had his pizza dream and was immediately punished with being eaten by vampires and resurrected by Lucifer and all that drama... Sam's work isn't done. Though his growth has taken a huge leap, now he has to figure out what he wants in this NEW setting, and we're only just MEETING Chief Sam in this iteration, so he's got a lot of work to do.

"I gave it a good think and I worked out exactly what I wanted. Everything."

Deanchael definitely is planning for this, so watch out buddy.

SAM DRIVING, MOM IN SHOTGUN

RED ALERT

Uhoh Sam's snapped because of the optimism Mary exudes. Yep, he really was nearly at the last straw in their earlier convo when he scoffed at her attempts to cheer him up.

Look, she's trying to mom you with no experience except adopting Jack. Work with her.

Sam is spiralling with the depression, this time all the bad things that could have happened to Dean and how they're never going to find him, throwing these horrible scenarios at Mary to stop her trying to comfort him.

"I know. I know he's out there, scared and alone." She sees lil 4 year old Dean. Because, I mean, that is the soul Dean bears to her when they have moments sometimes. And her optimism is a wall against thinking of her toddler in this scenario.

"I know. I know he might not come back. Never think I don't know that. But I can't - I have to think about the good, Sam. Because if I don't, I will drown in the bad." I wonder who that directly relates to who is currently driving this car.

I really hope this is a bit of vindication for Mary - or redemption to the eyes of the people who don't like her - that she does care, and she's spelling out her approach to all this. In the start of season 12 when she was trying to keep afloat she used a lot of optimism and furious paddling on the surface, because she has been doing that her whole life. When she was being raised a hunter, when she was a housewife with no clue what she was doing, a mom but he marriage beginning to fall apart... And then thrust into the present day, and it's 360 degrees of combat and loss and sadness and a ill-advised hook up with Ketch... Furious doggy paddling on the surface.

"For Dean's sake, I can't do that. We can't do that." And she shows that she is prioritising Dean, that she's driven and motivated to keep going FOR him.

Come on, give her a chance.

Nyooom.

Meanwhile in the Jack and Bobby truck, Jack is the one angsting and Bobby is the one driving.

Jack is one years old and not legally old enough to drive.

Bobby peptalks him with the reminder that when Jack had his grace he did hero things for these people, which is why he can ride shotgun, and even if he feels useless now, they'll have his back, that he has earned this squad even if he can't be as awesome as he used to.

Maggie is like, I'm getting a reaction shot... Am I going to develop feelings for Jack? That would be super weird, he's one years old. I hope no one is implying this even though I'm in a bunch of scenes getting character focus.

Eeeeeeee Sam trusts Mary with the demon killing knife. I am sure they don't call it Ruby's knife to her and he has never, ever told her about that time that thing happened with Ruby.

This fucker had his back turned for Sam to enter just so he could turn around dramatically. God he's repellent.

An extra was hired to pat Sam down. What a job.

"The shoulders. The hair! You are my Beyonce!" I mean, same. Except. Cas is Agent Beyonce so this fuckhead has totally misread this situation.

This gives Sam a moment to look over at Cas and Cas silently says, yes I know he's a total fuckhead, I've been dealing with this all day. I'm so sorry bro, can you just stab him so we can go home and follow a different lead. I don't even care what this one knows, I can't handle him another minute.

"I'm more embarrassed than I am hurt" I understand this to my core, and I'm so sorry, Cas.

"Kipling. Kip for short."

"Cool. Kip. I'm here." Sam being exactly as "fuck you" as I wanted towards Kip.

Sam is now standing with his head in an El Sol sign. TJW what are you up to bud?

Oh no Jack and Maggie got caught skulking. Sam and Cas have the same "my boy!" reaction when they see Cas.

Maggie is here too, you monsters.

But Kip has missed Mary and AUBobby

"It's just late capitalism, you understand" Yeah, and fuck you Kip.

How is Kip so irritating that he can make tapping a stool somehow the most obnoxious thing a man could do? He's WONDERFULLY well-cast. I love this actor. He's chewing scenery and it's incredible.

"What do you want?" Ow, Sam being twisted into asking the same thing Deanchael asked Kip

"Ass-modeus Kentucky Fried" listen you are still the worst but that drew a sympathetic smile and I hate it and I hate you.

Oh, Sam just Sammed something from that side glance, random demon side-eye. Oooh. Oooooooh.

But yeah, Kip asking for the "Crowley Deal" as if it's a package that can be bought from the Winchesters, and not something that Crowley wormed his way into via much back and forth power plays and drama. The Winchester have always had a back and forth with Hell, and since Crowley there have been a lot of demons, like Bart, trying to figure out what exactly it WAS that they all had. But someone has to be in charge, and the Winchesters are the top dog destined hunters with their fingers in all the world-saving pies, so clashes come naturally. Approaching them like this, first Bart, now this douchenozzle, is meta, presumptuous, overstepping what builds naturally... An attempt to leapfrog to the end where the equilibrium is established.

But Crowley had time to build a long game. These new pretenders are working in a world where the Winchesters' actions have devastated Heaven and Hell alike, and are, like Mary, just trying to keep afloat on the whole thing.

"We never gave Crowley that deal." Because yes, that's how it seemed to play out, and from outsider eyes that's how it may have looked... But each and every interaction came about naturally through the plot, there was no wrangling it. That's just how the Winchesters and Crowley ended up.

And that hole can't be filled by someone just leaping into the chair and asking for it.

Though it is nice if Motown Meats is the new seat of Hell on Earth instead of the outdated exterior asylum interior castle dungeon look Crowley set up.

"You're no Crowley. I know that. So do they." I think that was what Sam Sammed out of the demons, and also true, and ALSO is this the boyking accidentally exerting himself, knowing what's good for Hell? I always get a lil tingle in my thumbs when Sam gets too involved in knowing what's up with Hell.

Holy shit Kipling was a Mongolian warlord who rode with Genghis Khan in life. PLEASE survive this episode, I want to hate you all season. PLEAAAASE I BEG YOU.

Oh my god this insecure whinging asshole, chowing down on the scenery like there's no tomorrow. "I'D EAT YOUR HEART" *turns to weepy and quiet* "before I show you who I really am..."

This is Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Ascending levels of scenery eating. He's gonna pick up a barstool and take a bite out of it now.

Sam is doing this all unarmed, which is something to remember, because this is the fucker who talked his way into killing the Alpha Vamp while MOSTLY unarmed for a majority of that chat.

Sam Fucking Winchester.

AUBOBBY AND RUFUS!!!!

Also mary.

But AUBobby gets a slow mo for Rufus shooting demons.

HOLY SHIT MARY'S SLOW MO

I am pregnant

MARY THROWING SAM THE KNIFE

TJW was like this fight is too fast, my guy. We need to slow it down. You're so good at your job no one's gonna see what happened unless we go slow mo.

he and the fight guy high five

"Aw, balls."

Hey, Nougat tried. He's got a squishy hero centre.

Looks like he weighs nothing and now he's human he goes down in one punch. Owie.

"Here take this. You know how to use it?" "Uh! Stab them with the pointy end!?" "pretty much"

Maggie you precious girl why are you HERE. Why is Soups On or Gnarly Gun Guy not here?

Cas you fucking damsel in distress

Fight guy is like "uuuuh do I have to"

Misha is like "I'm good here, tbh"

SAM FUCKING WINCHESTER

(Aw, Kip's dead, he was fun)

"ENOUGH"

YES SIR

"There will be NO NEW KING OF HELL"

You are gonna get demon minions like fucking ducklings you ass

"Not ever. And if anyone wants the job, you can come through me" Sam is technically immortal so long as Rowena is alive and vice versa you know. Also, how long is he planning on defending Hell? Ever?

I'm stalling from how much I have to scream about how badass Sam was throwing down that declaration that he's now essentially the trial a pretender to the throne has to pass to take the job.

Because if I was a demon... FUCK NO would I want to tangle with this fucker.

Sam's file, updated: Current King Of Hell. Will Kill You. AVOID.

Sam is fucking terrifying. I love it. He scared demons out of their meatsuits. Sam walking into a room is now a reason to eject and abort mission. God. This guy.

Remember in season 1 when demons were scary? Oo er this isn't our sort of thing... halp.

Now Sam looks them in the eye and is like, fuck off. I'm scarier than any of you.

"That's what I thought"

Cas is literally giving you the reverse look of in 4x16 when you marched in and fried Alastair's brain.

SAM GOT A NEW SHIRT thank god.

I should amend: he did all this wearing blue plaid with orange stripes.

Sam Fucking Winchester.

The BMoL definitely didn't have the right birth certificate because that's his legal middle name.

Sam n Caaaaas my GUYS. I hope this is the 10x01 convo but, like, not. Flip flip flip those pancakes, Dabb my guy.

Cas, hon, you're still so beat up you have blood trails coming out of your nose. There's not really caring about your meatsuit because it heals eventually, but there's also washing your fucking face, because Sam's had time to change his shirt and get a beer so what were you doing?

Probably staring at a picture of Dean on his phone and sighing.

Anyway he's here to ask how Sam is, rather than care about himself. Symbolism.

"I've been better. And worse." Worse is 10x01.

Or 4x10's flashbacks. For sure those are the worstest.

Though, this time you are the king of hell and you're wearing a dark shirt and I don't think you have thought this through.

The most well-meaning accidental king of hell ever.

Sam and Cas share the "to find Dean I'd do anything" look. Be CAREFUL. Cas is literally choosing to wear hubris on his face because he feels bad about his fuck up with going to Kip.

Mary! Casual Mary chilling in the kitchen!!

Although, with everyone in the bunker, these rooms are taking on different meanings. The people are chasing out the heavy shadows and ghosts of all the oppressive silences Sam and Dean have filled these corners with.

Aw it's Mary and AUBobby. I was half-hoping we'd have her giving beer to Jack, but I guess we need to set up the forward momentum on their relationship for this season.

"Not bad today, old man." "you too, Sunshine."

You do realise that Mary is sitting in the exact same spot as where Dean was when he called Cas "Sunshine" You do know that right I mean you KNOW? This is TJW, he knows. He's a Destiel Shipper of the highest order.

Cas pops in on Jack, staring at his busted up face in a mirror, now filling more Winchester angst tropes to make up for lost time. "I'm fine," he says without being asked. Because 10x01 or 10x02 was where Cas defined "fine" for Hannah and explained to her it's what humans say when things are really not fine but they can't admit it.

"You did well." "All I did was get punched. In the face."

I love snarky teen Jack.

"To be fair, we all got punched in the face," Cas says, still covered in hubris.

He has a POINT. He has full right to pull the "I should feel more useless than you" card on Jack.

Jack doing the "i'm useless" thing that Cas had to go through when he lost his grace, and Jack was allowed to stay in the Bunker. Is this how Cas would have felt had he not been kicked out?

Jack says Michael's out there and he still feels responsible to stop him. There's a very, very very very ver very weird Hamlet vibe from Jack, being forced into a position of emotional responsibility to kill his uncle, but Cas is his once dead now back and not a ghost father, and Jack couldn't kill Michael and so Dean got possessed... I mean, it's not a neat overlay, but Jack wants to kill an uncle, an AUncle, and I feel like in terms of uncle-killing narratives, AU Michael making off with Dean fits about as well to Hamlet's uncle marrying his mom as we're gonna get... I'd love to see how this shapes out because these family narratives since season 11 are becoming deeply shakespearean in the amount of nonsense going on. This sort of supernatural drama is a modern world way to have this kind of heightened emotion and the stakes you find in Shakespearean tragedies, and to force the sorts of reflection on the world and self... I really really dig it. Watching season 13 yesterday really hit me with this feeling all over and I'm delighted that Jack has this arc because I'm so amused/interested to see where this weirdo Hamlet parallel goes for him.

"I don't have anything." "Oh Jack" thanks Cas that's what I said out loud "you have me. You have all of us. You have your family." *SHOULDER GRASP*

No hug. Fuck off Cas, with your reassuring shoulder grasps. I know that's the language you've been taught but Dabb era is hug era and you suck.

I love that with all of Sam and Mary's doubt and Jack's lack of self worth, it's down to CAS. CASTIEL. CASTIEL WINCHESTER. CASTIEL FUCKING WINCHESTER. PARTY!CAS. to give the actual pep talk of the episode which has ANY conviction behind it. Cas has been fuelled with something MAGNIFICENT since the Empty, and he's turned it up to 11 for Jack here :')

Jack makes the smallest smile, then turns back to his mirror.

Sam opening the door to his bedroom, framed in darkness. 10x01 parallels again - this shot as well as the demon dean one were repeated a few times through the 3 episode arc, and the demon dean one became iconic but Sam did it too, to Dean's room. Now he goes into his own... empties his pockets... he still has the fucking engraved money clip from Tall Tales because Gabriel is not only not dead but telling this entire story for us... He has the phone, that's off, because Dean is not there, not communicating with him, blah blah. And he has the keys to the Impala. Because he's the chief.

Well, the King of Hell. Damn, it took 14 years to get him there. Azazel is fucking spinning in his grave.

Ooh, phonecall! Is it Deanchael? "What do you want?"

Nope, it's Sister Jo! :D She's been standing there ALL NIGHT weighing her options and working out what she wants.

SPIN THAT CHAOS, DEANCHAEL.

Deanchael approaches a vampire, and it's that purity of Purgatory, that just wanna eat that fuelled so much of the badass stuff in season 7 with the Leviathan, everything Dean's struggled with when it comes to the black and white world of killing monsters no problem that dates back to Gordon in 2x03, that draws Deanchael to them. Because this is Dean's safe space with Benny, a real relationship based on a bond forged in pure, kill or be killed, eat or be eaten purgatory. Deanchael has the same inner machinery as Dean, because Michael is the worst version of Dean, engineered to be Dean but without love. Dean as a monster. And so it all leads here... D:

Well this will be fun :D

#14x01 #season 14 spoilers #my stuff #dabb vs cars #HECK

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appendicitusdolan · 6 years ago

Text

the one with the break up // egd

summary: after deciding to call it quits on your relationship with ethan, you run into him at a party and he asks you to come home with him

a/n: ummmm let’s pretend like the for you tour happened a lot later than it actually did. like let’s make the twins like 22?

It had been three months since the boys left for tour and they had already been back in town for one, yet you hadn’t seen either one of them. On purpose. While they were gone, you spent most of your time with your girlfriends shopping for yet another sundress you really didn’t need, meeting for lunch at the cutest corner cafes, having movie nights with countless pints of Ben and Jerry’s, and going to parties at a friend of a friend of a friend’s house. Honestly, it had been the best summer you’ve ever had, minus the one looming distraction hanging on the back of your mind: Ethan. But since the day you knew he was coming home, you intentionally avoided places that you thought you might run into him in hopes that you could eventually move on and Ethan would do the same.

It was a short-lived, four-month relationship that you shared with Ethan before he left for the tour of a lifetime with his twin brother. But during those four months, you spent countless nights at his house and waking up in his bed as well as he in yours. Sometimes you’d show up at his house unannounced with take out dinner and he’d send you short text messages reminding you just how much he missed you while you were busy at the office. He’d take you to the best lookout spots where you’d sit and talk for hours about nothing in particular, but everything all at once, as you looked at the stars. You’d go to your favorite ice cream shop at least once a week where you’d pick out a new ice cream flavor with the toppings of your choice for the other to try without question. There were many late nights at the warehouse in the editing room where you’d lay on the couch and work on your take-home projects for the office while Ethan edited videos for his channel and afterward, sometimes he’d tackle you into the foam pit. He thought he was pushing your buttons and you hated it, but it was secretly some of your favorite times with him because he’d kiss you for what felt like hours as an apology while you laid on the squishy cubes. The most love and care that those months could hold was shared between you two.

With Ethan, you never had to worry. He made you feel important, safe, appreciated, and beautiful. He was someone you could share everything with. There were nights you were up until two in the morning talking about the various topics in life. You’d often fall asleep mid-conversation with your head on his chest and he’d turn off the lamp on the side table and pull the comforter up around your face and hold you until he fell asleep. Clothed or not, he always made sure to take care of you in the most loving of ways. There was nothing better than coming home after a stress fest of a day to Ethan’s arms with hugs that only he could deliver.

When they boys left for tour, you and Ethan mutually decided to call it quits. You talked about how you both were so young and still had so much to figure out about life and what you wanted out of it. There were absolutely no fights or harsh words thrown at one another, just simply the conversation that you didn’t want to hold each back from the potential of what could be.

“You hold a special place in my heart, Ethan Dolan,” said said as you clenched onto Ethan while standing in his bedroom for what would be the last time.

“I’ll always love you, pretty girl,” Ethan softly spoke in your ear. You blinked away the giant tears that threatened to fall as Ethan cleared his throat and released from the embrace. In that moment, you physically saw his heart burst. You dropped your head and moved around Ethan for the door behind him. He didn’t move as you turned the ice cold doorknob and the door creaked open.

“Until the world stops turning,” you whispered to yourself, hoping Ethan didn’t hear. It was what you said every time you knew you’d be spending some time apart. Saying goodbye made it seem so permanent, so you adopted this phrase from when Ethan first told you he was falling in love you. You looked back over your shoulder hoping Ethan would turn around and flash you one of those smiles that used to melt your heart, but he still stood with his back to the door, hands on his hips, and head angled toward the floor. You dropped your head and took the first step through the threshold.

“And then even after that,” he spoke softly. It made your breath catch in your throat and your skin crawl, but you forced your legs to carry you out of the house and into your car in the driveway. Fifteen minutes passed as you sat in the driver’s seat with tears steadily flowing down your face, head rested against the head rest, hands folded in your lap, trying to regulate your breathing, but you finally managed to pull yourself together enough to see through your cloudy vision and drive home. You took the longest route back to your apartment as your mind wandered around the memories you shared with a boy that changed your entire life without even trying. You smiled to yourself when you remembered the way he’d always manage to make you laugh, even when you’d been in the worst moods. The way he’d tangle his fingers in yours while you laid in bed with him after a long day made your hands tingle through your grip on the steering wheel. His voice telling you he loved you played in your head over and over again like a scratched record that did nothing but skip. When you finally made it back to your apartment, nothing but Ethan and what you shared with him clogged your mind as you tried your hardest to fall asleep. That night was the loneliest night you’d ever experienced.

As much as you wanted to, you kept yourself from making any sort of contact with Ethan after he left for tour and he did the same. Although you kind of wished he’d said at least something, you knew that it would’ve been so much harder to let go if you kept in contact. Still, you wondered about him everyday. How was he doing? Was he still as broken as you were? Did he wonder about you too? Was he also constantly scrolling through his camera roll looking at all of the memories you had together? Did he still listen to the Spotify playlist you made together? Were his nights as lonely as yours?

The sound of a red plastic cup slamming on the counter broke you from your reminiscent trance. Ella, your best friend, had just finished chugging another drink for some bet that you just knew she made the offer for. This was one of the many Friday nights spent at someone’s house with an easy hundred other people. Suddenly, the air around the island counter in the kitchen became too thick and you crossed the room to the sliding glass doors that lead back to the patio.

A few feet away from the door, you noticed a small group of people standing around a small pit with a fire burning inside. You recognized most of the people from other parties you’d been to, but you weren’t on a first name basis with anyone. However, they all looked too preoccupied with their own conversations as you walked over to join the circle. Once you got closer and could make out the silhouettes more vividly, your heart fluttered hard.

“Hey Grayson,” you said as you entered the circle. He looked up from his stare into the flames and a wide smile immediately spread across his face.

“Oh my god, hey!” he said as he opened his arms for a quick hug to which you accepted. “I’m sorry I haven’t called since we got back, everything’s been blowing up since tour and we’ve just been so busy trying to stay on top of everything,” he explained.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m sure you are, Gray,” you assure him. You knew he wasn’t exaggerating. Their channel had been gaining thousands subscribers consistently every day since the tour and you honestly couldn’t be happier for them, but they must feel an immense amount of pressure to deliver. Suddenly you wished you could ask Ethan how he was doing with everything that’s been going on.

“How’ve you been? I feel like it’s been ages since I’ve seen you.”

“Oh you know, I’ve been alright. Busy with work during the week. Busy with this on the weekend,” you motioned to the house full of people behind where you stood then continued to watch the flames.

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re good,” Grayson said with a small smile and returned his gaze to the fire. You could tell he wanted to say more, but you were glad he didn’t. A few quiet seconds passed before either of you spoke again.

“Look, don’t tell him I’m here,” you said with your eyes still fixated on the fire. You couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes. Although his were so much different than Ethan’s, he and Ethan were still twins and they were just similar enough to make it hurt to look at.

“I won’t,” was all he said but through your peripheral vision, you saw his head tilt to the side in empathy as he let out a small sigh and touched his hand to your back for comfort. You stood in comfortable silence with Grayson and watched the fire burn as the people around you carried on and on with their own conversations. You’d grown quite close with Grayson when you dated Ethan, as they lived together and didn’t go anywhere without the other. You may have formed a fast friendship, but he was always the one to laugh at your bad jokes and never made you uncomfortable when he’d occasionally third wheel on your dates with Ethan. You wanted to ask Grayson all about the tour but you knew every answer would involve Ethan and that’s just not something you could hear yet. Looking down at your cup, you noticed it was suddenly empty.

“Well, I’d better go get another drink,” you said to Grayson as you turned to head back inside.

“Okay, well, it was really nice to see you, I’ve missed you,” he said with a small smile that unusually looked a little too much like Ethan’s.

“Missed you too,” you managed to say without allowing your voice to crack and you turned to leave back to the house.

When you made your way back to the bar in the kitchen, you made another drink, this time a little more liquor than mixer, and watched Ella take a couple more shots at the island as you healthily sipped your drink from across the room.

“Best friend! Come take a shot with me!” Ella shouted over the music and the people when she spotted you. Hoping to forget the person who could possibly come around the corner at any given moment, you smiled and met her at the counter. She poured a generous shot of whatever vodka was on sale this afternoon at the grocery store. You cheers’ed the tiny glasses, drank the shot like a champ, and chased it with what little was left of your drink.

“One more?” you almost choked out at Ella with your recognizable devious smile that let her know you were ready to have a good night.

“One for you, I’m good, that last one gives me five shots in the last hour,” she said as she poured more clear liquid. Another burning sensation spilled down your throat as you drank the shot and Ella handed you her cup of kool-aid when she noticed yours was empty.

As time passed, you felt the alcohol make it’s affect on your body. You became gigglier and a little less steady on your feet. You stood with Ella in the kitchen along with about a dozen other friends you’d been hanging out with all summer. Everyone told their most embarrassing stories from childhood and soon your stomach started to ache a little from all of the laughter. Too preoccupied by all of the banter, you didn’t even notice when Grayson came through the door from the patio and walked through the kitchen.

A good amount of time had passed and you decided that it was time for you to call it a night. Ella still seemed to be having a good time, so you told her you’d see her tomorrow, pulled out your phone to order an Uber, and started to make your way to the front door. When you came around the corner from the kitchen to the main room, you collided with a large, toned body.

“Oh my god, Grayson!” you squealed as you realized who it was that you just ran into.

“Oh my god, you again!” he mock-squealed back at you with a light laugh. You laughed with him and did your best to remain steady on your feet.

“Had a couple more drinks since I’ve seen you, yeah?” Grayson asked with a grin on his face.

“Only a little,” you said with squinty eyes and pinched fingers to indicate how little you’ve had to drink, which was obviously a lie.

“Y/N?” a familiar voice sounded from behind you. Your whole body instantly froze and your heart dropped all the way to the floor. When you turned around, you literally could not form a single word as you looked at Ethan standing about ten feet away as he emerged from the bathroom in the hallway.

He looked so good, but also terrible at the same time. His hair was a little bit longer and lot messier than normal and his skin a little tanner. He was wearing a plain white t-shirt and ripped black skinny jeans that let his tattoos peak through. You noticed there were a couple you didn’t recognize that must’ve been recent additions. When your eyes met his, his face looked like he had just seen a ghost but you noticed the faint dark circles under his eyes that indicated he hadn’t been sleeping well lately.

“Hi,” was all that could come out of your mouth.

“I-I didn’t know you were here,” he said quietly, a little confused. He cautiously took a couple steps towards you as you took a couple steps backwards in unwarranted self-defense and bumped into Grayson’s chest causing you to lose your balance a little. Grayson grabbed your shoulders to steady you as Ethan stepped closer to come face to face with you. Suddenly, the decision against leaving as soon as you knew he was at this party seemed like the worst you’d ever made in your life as a wave of nausea washed over your body. You continued to stare at him in shock and your brain couldn’t have formed a coherent sentence even if you were stone cold sober.

“How’ve you been?” he asked.

“O-Okay,” you stuttered. You noticed his hand twitch at his side like he almost lifted it to touch your cheek like always used to do when he comforted you after a bad day.

“Good,” he replied, eyes still locked on yours. You could feel Grayson’s eyes burning a hole in the back of your head and you knew he was concerned for how this run-in would affect the both of you.

“Yeah,” was all you could say. You felt the familiar sting in your eyes and knew that tears would be forming any second. Ethan must have noticed because all at once it was like his brain reset and the panicked expression subsided.

“Oh my god, no, don’t,” he said as he quickly pulled you in for the tightest hug he’d ever given you. He knew you too well. You easily melted into his arms and the tears started flowing heavily. He held you as you cried and ran his fingers through your hair down your back. “Baby, no, please don’t cry,” he cooed in your ear and you could hear his own voice waiver. He pulled back and took your face in his hands. You missed his soft hands. His tired eyes were now bloodshot and you noticed tears brimming in them.

“I miss you so fucking much,” you finally choked out with tears still falling and you tightly closed your eyes in attempt to clear your cloudy vision. When he came back into focus, you noticed a single tear fall on his face as he looked at you with the saddest eyes you’d ever seen. He then pulled you back in and you snaked your arms around his neck and held on for dear life. You could feel his unsteady breathing in your hair and his familiar scent invaded your nose. Pulling away again, he raised his hands and wiped away the tear streaks on your cheeks with his thumbs.

“Come home with me,” he said with pleading eyes and you wanted nothing more than to fall asleep with him like all of the nights you did before. You nodded your head and sniffed your nose as the crying started to subside.

“I’m gonna hang around here for a bit longer, bro. I’ll catch a ride with James and Ian and let you know when I’m heading out,” Grayson told Ethan and you knew that he didn’t really want to do that, but he knew you and Ethan needed time alone together. He looked down at you and smiled again. “It’s good to see you,” he said like he hadn’t already seen you only a few hours earlier.

“You too, Gray,” you replied as your eyes had a silent conversation with his, thanking him for not telling Ethan you’d already ran into him because you knew Ethan would be upset that Grayson didn’t say anything. He winked at you and made his way down the hallway towards the keg in the kitchen for another beer.

Ethan drove with his right hand resting on your thigh the entire way, not wanting to lose physical contact with you. He had never been much of a drinker and only came to parties with Grayson for the good times with his friends. As he made the familiar turns in route to the home he shared with Grayson, you wondered if you were doing the right thing by going home with Ethan. You felt like the whole purpose of going your separate ways was thrown out the window without taking into consideration that it had only been three months since you’d been apart. There was no way you both had figured out life in those three months.

When you finally arrived at his house, he cut the engine but didn’t make a move to get out of the car so you sat in silence. You waited for him to speak first because were afraid that if you tried to talk to him that nothing but sobs would come out and you’ve done enough crying in the last three months for the both of you. Your mind was spinning thinking about what was going through his. After a couple of minutes, you felt his eyes looking at you. It took all that your drunk self had to turn and meet his gaze. When you did, his hand raised to your cheek and he let out a sigh of relief. You let your head fall into his palm and closed your eyes in comfort. Before you could open them again, his lips were on yours. You felt yourself melt together with him and ran a hand through his hair as you tried to pull him closer to you, if that was even possible. You missed this. Connecting with him. You missed being with someone without the worry if they were silently pitying you. He pulled away after a few long seconds and rested his forehead against yours. His eyes looked straight into yours and you could’ve sworn you saw the smallest grin appear on his face. A wave of sobriety crashed over your body.

“Ethan,” you whispered.

“Don’t,” he closed his eyes and pulled away to rest his head on the head rest of the driver’s seat. He must’ve heard the warning in your voice. “Not yet. Please don’t take this away from me yet.”

“E, you can’t kiss me like that and expect me not to say anything,” you said quietly. Although it was a mutual decision to go your separate ways, in the back of your mind you knew it was much more of a you decision than an Ethan decision.

“I know,” he said with a heavy sigh. “But you can’t expect me to not be in love with you anymore either.”

“I know,” you said, voice trembling.

“I don’t know what to do, Y/N. I tried moving on after we left. I tried so fucking hard,” he said closing his eyes as a tear fell again. You knew this would be hard for him, but he was so strong you thought it would’ve been easier for him than you.

“Ethan-,” you started.

“No, you don’t understand,” he spoke in a louder tone, almost like he was getting angry.

“Don’t be dramatic,” you tried to joke.

“I’m not being fucking dramatic! You have no idea how hard it was for me to be a world away from you and not expect you to be waiting for me when I got back. Tour was a fucking hell, Y/N. I mean, I went all over Europe and Australia, just me and my brother, and it should’ve been the best fucking time of my life, but it was literally the absolute worst,” he said even louder than before. But you knew he wasn’t yelling at you. He was angry with himself. He thought he would’ve been able to get over you just as much as you thought he would. In fear of enraging him even more, you stayed silent.

“I must’ve hugged a million fucking girls on that tour and I hated every single second of it. I mean, I love our fans. I really do. They’re the whole reason I got to do everything I’ve done in the last three months. But I couldn’t let go of the fact that no matter how many people I hugged, none of them would be you again,” he turned his head to look at you for a second before closing his eyes, tears flowing freely down his face. “It’s never been this hard for me to move on. Never. I’ve always bounced right back within a week or two. Grayson practically had to force me to get out of bed every day. I thought the feelings would subside eventually but they didn’t.”

He was broken. In the relatively short time you’d known Ethan, you’d seen him cry a few times. Only for superficial reasons, like a sad movie or a cute animal compilation on his twitter timeline. He never cried hurtful tears, or at least you never saw it. Seeing him cry this way broke your heart all over again and you started to cry with him. You knew his love for you was deep and true, but you thought he’d get back up and move on after a bit. Everything he just said to you came as a shock, you honestly assumed he’d be over you by now. You never saw him as the guy to dwell on things, he was always such a ‘live in the now’ type of person. Still, you didn’t know what to say to him and that confused you. You knew you still loved him as much as the day you said goodbye. So why was it so hard to tell him that your feelings were still there?

“Ethan, I-” you finally started, still not sure where your words were going to go, but he interrupted.

“I’ll always love you, pretty girl,” was all he said as he opened his eyes and connected them with yours. A million butterflies filled your stomach as the words left his mouth and that night in his bedroom before he left for tour replayed in your head in a flash. You remembered how hard it was to walk out of his house alone, and a forgotten memory resurfaced.

“Hey,” Grayson’s voice on the other end of the phone was familiar, but worry was an underlying tone. It was two weeks after the boys left and you had just gotten home from work after a long day of working on your biggest project yet at the office.

“Gray?” you said, shock evident in your voice. Too preoccupied with unlocking your apartment door while simultaneously balancing take out dinner, you missed the caller ID before answering your phone.

“Listen, I’ve been up for the last three hours looking for Ethan and I can’t find him,” Grayson said quickly.

“What?”

“He left after the show tonight and said he was going for a walk and wanted to be alone, so I let him go, but when he didn’t come back after an hour, I called him a few times and couldn’t get through to him so I just went out to look for him myself. But fuck, Y/N, we’re in London. I have no idea where he is,” Grayson panicked.

“What time is it there?” you knew that wasn’t important right now, but it came out before you thought about it.

“Almost two in the fucking morning, Y/N, and we’re supposed to be up at six to go to the airport for our next flight,” he says.

“Gray, calm down. I’m sure he’s fine. You know he likes looking at the sky at night,” you assure him.

“Okay, sure, but we’re in a foreign fucking country. He can’t pull this shit here. It’s not like LA where I know all of his secret spots.”

“Grayson, I’m not sure how you’re expecting me to help you right now,” you say calmly. You didn’t want to get him even more worked up by expressing your current worry.

“Fuck, Y/N, I know. I just didn’t know who else to call. I’m just freaking the fuck out and I guess I was kind of hoping you’d heard from him,” he says with a sigh.

“Gray, you know I haven’t,” your voice is so quiet you almost think he didn’t hear you.

“I’m sorry. I know. I shouldn’t—E! I gotta go, Y/N,” he said quickly.

“Grayson!” you shouted through the phone. You heard the panic in his voice, but he had already ended the call. Your phone didn’t leave your side for the rest of the night in hopes that Grayson would call back or at least text and let you know that everything was okay. But he didn’t, and you fought the urge to call him for the next couple of days, until you saw a post in your Instagram timeline of the two of them on the canal in Amsterdam. Everything seemed to turn out fine, so you fought to forget about the phone call entirely. Suddenly, now you wanted an answer.

“What happened that night in London?” you asked Ethan. His head snapped up off of the head rest and his eyes went wide.

“What are you talking about?” he asked nervously.

“When you were in London on tour, there was a night that Grayson called me freaking out because he couldn’t find you and thought maybe you had contacted me, but I told him you didn’t and then he must have found you because he shouted at you and told me he had to go and hung up and never called back,” you told him.

“It was nothing,” he turned his head to look out the window.

“Ethan. It wasn’t nothing, I know you better than that,” you said as you moved your hand to rest on his thigh. You wanted him to know you weren’t accusing him of anything, but that you wanted to be there for him.

“It’s stupid. I was being stupid,” he said as he dropped his head.

“E, it’s just you and me. You know you can tell me anything, regardless of the situation,” you assured him. There was a long pause in conversation as you waited for Ethan to tell you what happened.

“We were playing unreleased clips all tour and each night had different clips. In London-,” he stopped for a few seconds and swallowed hard before he continued. “In London, we played a clip from that video that you helped us film.” You knew exactly what video he was talking about. The plan for the video had been a sit down video where they didn’t need a cameraman to follow them around or to shoot extra shots, but as they started filming, ideas of extra bits came up and they needed someone to help out. You had just been hanging out at their house that day and were watching Netflix in Ethan’s room while they were filming. It was the only video you had ever helped them with because you didn’t want to insert yourself in their creative process and they already had a good team working for them, anyway, but since it was a last minute bit, Ethan came in and asked for your help and you happily obliged.

“The clip that we played was a cut that I could hear you laughing at me. I don’t think anyone else really noticed because all three of us were dying but that’s not the point. The point was that the only reason that blooper got cut from the video we actually posted was because I could hear you laughing and we hadn’t been seeing each other that long and I wasn’t ready for the pandemonium I knew would blow up if one of the fans noticed,” he said and it had never been spoken outright, but you never thought twice about why that bit never made the final cut until now.

“Okay, that doesn’t seem so bad. I was never offended that my laugh never made it in the final cut,” you joked and laughed a little.

“Let me finish,” he said and grabbed the hand that you had rested on his leg.

“I’m sorry, go on,” you encouraged.

“You know I haven’t had a public girlfriend since Gray and I started YouTube. And until that night in London, I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to be public with anyone. I know we talked about it and you said you were fine with just being us in private and I took that for what it was and we kept us a secret,” he continued. “But watching that clip back and hearing your laugh and looking back on why I cut it from the video really threw me through a loop. I know that sounds so minuscule, but after the show was over and I left for a walk, so many insecurities starting going through my head. I was questioning why I was so scared of being public with a girl. I always just thought it was the smartest move. Like if I remained single to the public eye then I would be more appealing to our audience, more fans would like me, we’d gain more of a following and less hate would happen and all that jazz. But when I really sat down and thought about it, it fucked me up. I mean, why would I want to hide such a big part of my life? If my fans were really there for the entertainment and not just because they think I’m attractive, then why should it matter if I’m dating someone or not? And then it hit me that I was getting all too caught up in the fast life. It started to dawn on me that I had been thinking of all of the ways Grayson and I could grow our channel and make more money off of it. But when we started our channel way back in our parents’ basement in New Jersey, Gray and I swore to each other that we’d never let the monetary value of our career get in the way of our happiness or our love for creating. I felt like I had let so many people down. Like I let Grayson down because I was just cranking out content with the obsession of how well it would do. I let our parents down because I hadn’t been back to visit in months due to the fact that I was so caught up in the next best thing. I let our subscribers down because I wasn’t being honest with them by portraying this single guy vibe. But what really fucked me up is the fact that I let you down,” he said as he looked up at you.

“Ethan you’ve never let me down. I’ve always been so proud of everything you’ve accomplished,” you told him, and it was true. You never felt let down by Ethan. He seemed to be having the time of his life creating videos with his brother and the fact that he never included you in his social media life didn’t bother you, but the longer you were together, the more the hope grew that he would eventually want to be open about your relationship.

“And I love you for that, I really do. But the longer I sat on that bench in the middle of the night and thought about it, the more I started to feel like such a fake asshole. Like, the whole reason I was so happy was because I had you. You inspired me in ways that I didn’t know I could ever be inspired. You were so patient with me. I knew you didn’t understand why it was such a big deal that I didn’t want to tell anyone outside of our friends that we were together, but you went along with it because you knew it’s what I wanted. I never really asked you how it made you feel to be in the dark like that. And then when you told me that you thought we should break up when I left for tour, it damn near cut me in half. I felt like the single most important person in my life was leaving me because I kept you a secret. Like, if I had just grown a pair and told everyone then we’d still have been together while I was on tour. I wanted nothing more than to call you every night and tell you everything. I pulled up your contact so many times while we were gone contemplating if I should just call you or not. But I knew that’s not what you wanted. You wanted freedom and I’d give you anything you wanted. So I just agreed with everything you said. We're so young. We needed to figure out what we really wanted in life. And yes, that’s all true. But it fucked me up to think you were out here moving on. We were only together for four months, but to me it felt like a lifetime. You told me you wanted to see everything that life had to offer and in my head, I thought we would be doing that together. When you left after that night in my room, I couldn’t remember what life was like before you were in it.

“When Grayson found me in London, I was a mess. Crying my eyes out like a little bitch over a girl who presumably didn’t want to figure out life with me. We had four hours until we had to be ready to get on another flight, but Gray sat there with me while I cried and we didn’t talk, but we didn’t really need to. Just him being there was enough, as cheesy as that sounds. When he told me he called you, I almost punched him in the face because I didn’t want you to know that I was so fucked up. I begged him not to tell you what happened and that’s why he never called you back. He wanted to. Even when we got home, he asked me, ‘you think I should call Y/N? see how she’s doing?’ and I told him not to. I didn’t want to interfere with what you wanted to figure out on your own and I knew that if you were talking to Grayson again that it’d just be a distraction,” he scoffed, “and now saying that out loud makes me sound even more like an asshole.”

“E, you’re the farthest thing from an asshole,” you said while your brain processed everything he’d been telling you. “But don’t for one second think that what happened between us before you left was at all about the fact that we were a secret. Did I want to be open about our relationship? Of course I did. I wanted to tell everyone about you and how happy you made me. But I get it. Millions of people watching your every move is a lot to handle. I don’t even know how I would’ve handled everything if the roles had been reversed. But since we’re being honest,” you started as he looked at you with terrified eyes, “I thought not being in your life was the best thing for you. I didn’t want to distract you from the tour. I wanted you to give it your all and make it the best experience. I wanted you to have fun with your brother and see everything you could ever want to see in the world. I didn’t want you to feel obligated to talk to me every day when I knew you’d be busy living out one of your biggest dreams. I thought that if we broke up, you wouldn’t have anything to worry about me being back at home. But don’t ever think that I didn’t want to figure out life with you because honestly, I couldn’t want anything more. Being alone for the last three months has been miserable. Like, yeah, I’ve been with Ella for the most of it and we’ve had so much fun this summer, but there wasn’t a single day that I wasn’t wondering how you were doing or what you were doing. I wanted to know everything about the tour and the thought of seeing your face light up as you talked about it made me feel a little bit better knowing that you were out having the time of your life while you were gone. Not once did I think it’d be this hard for you. You were always my strong guy. The guy that lived for the now and not what could be. Now I kind of feel like an idiot thinking that we’d be better apart because there’s never been anything but love for you in my heart, Ethan.”

“Well I can’t argue that you’re not an idiot because I’ll never be a better man than how I am with you by my side,” and he pulled you in for another kiss. But this one was different than earlier, deeper, more passionate, almost desperate. You let him kiss you like how he used to before he left for tour. All that was on your mind in this moment was how you never wanted to live a life without Ethan again. Suddenly, the thought that you and Ethan would be better off separate seemed like the biggest joke in the world. You felt like it should be you and him against the world. Figuring out life together, even if that meant in secrecy until he was ready to be open about everything. Thinking about how the rest of your life could be with Ethan made you smile into the kiss, earning a smile back from him. Pulling away, he took your face in his hands and asked a single question, “stay with me tonight?”

“I can’t imagine sleeping anywhere else.”

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