#a glitch in the matrix; (CRACK)

[acr3ss-the-cosmos]

The face of a man who just slipped laxatives into the soup he made for some IPC workers. Nothing to see here.

[lakesbian]

recently remembered that at the end of worm aisha talks about stealing people's pants every time they go to the bathroom and it was cracking me up. she's so fucking funny.

Like imagine what this is like from the perspective of the person she's stalking. They go to the bathroom, and when they're done, they realize that their pants are gone. They know they were wearing their pants, they clearly remember pulling them down. They were looking at them less than a minute ago. It's completely confounding, because it's not possible for them to have simply misplaced an entire pair of pants somewhere between pulling them down and using the toilet. And yet, their pants are gone. They check the laundry room, their laundry hamper, their bedroom, and anywhere else they could have feasibly put their pants in the event they were just...imagining that they were wearing pants into the bathroom? But the pants remain gone, having seemingly vanished from the universe while they weren't paying attention, so they have to just go put on new pants. Maybe they post about it on Earth Bet's equivalent of a glitch in the matrix subreddit or whatever, but without any real chance of an explanation, they eventually stop thinking about it.

Until the next time they go to the bathroom. When their pants disappear again. And the next time after that, and the next next time after that, and so on. It is no longer mildly bemusing. Things have evolved beyond "that weird thing that happened to me once that I might tell as a story later" and into "I only have 2 pairs of pants left, because the rest of them disappeared into the fucking ether when I went to the bathroom, and now I'm both scared to pee and afraid that I am either going crazy or being haunted by some sort of niche vengeful ghost that other people will think I'm crazy if I try to tell them about."

And, more practically pressing than the subtle horror of a large object just magically disappearing off your person at regular times in a way you can't ascertain the cause of or stop: They're gonna have to buy new pants.

So they go to a clothing store. They briefly consider using the bathroom while there, but then remember The Consequences, and go straight it the changing rooms instead. They hang up their new pant selections. They look away for a mere moment to take off their current (and last remaining) pair of pants. They look back up and reach for one of the pants they're going to try on.

All Of The Pants They Brought Into The Stall Are Gone.

They immediately look back down, with the frantic horror of someone who already knows what they're going to see, and well you're not going to fucking believe this, but: The Pair Of Pants They Were Already Wearing Is Also Gone.

like what do you even do about this. absurd form of psychological torture. aisha smiling smugly while her victim stands there stranded in naught but underpants, haunted and vexed by the unbelievable pants-stealing ghost. maybe they try to tell their friends about it and demonstrate after that and it's the one time she Doesn't take their pants. they think they're going completely batshit or being tormented by a very immature demon. aisha laborn you are so so special and famous to me

[diorsluv]

die for you , part 2

“ no point in turning off the lights ”

series m. list previous chapter

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by ilia_quadg0d_malinin, lhughes_06, jpav8, and 299,193 others

yourusername i flew all the way to virginia to try pairs skating with him.. then we got forced into a mock comp. NEVER AGAIN.

(photo evidence of him death glaring me when i asked him to carry my luggage 5 feet into the house)

tagged: ilia_quadg0d_malinin

view all comments

ilia_quadg0d_malinin YOU KEPT FALLING OFF MY SHOULDERS

��� yourusername YOU COULDN’T EVEN BALANCE WHEN WE WERE HOLDING HANDS

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin BECAUSE YOUR HANDS WERE SO SLIPPERY

→ yourusername FYM MY HANDS WERE LITERALLY NUMB.

username26 first post in so long that trev HASN’T liked 😭😭

wyattjohnston_ LMFAO DID HE DROP YOU ON YOUR FACE AGAIN

→ yourusername no 🤬

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin AGAIN?? last time i didn’t drop her on her face it was just her head 😔

_alexturcotte it’s the next vasilisa and valeriy in the making

→ yourusername how the hell do you know who they are????

→ _alexturcotte i’ve been doing my research 😈

→ yourusername then maybe you’ll be a better skating partner because CLEARLY it isn’t ilia

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin BRO IT’S NOT MY FAULT YOU WERE ALWAYS TRIPPING

→ yourusername HELLO??? YOU LITERALLY TANGLED YOUR SKATES IN MY BLADES

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin SAYS THE ONE WHO CRACKED HER SKULL OPEN TRIPPING OVER HER LACES AS A KID

→ yourusername THAT’S A FAMILY LIE I SWEAR

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin THEN WHY DO THEY ALL CALL YOU LACEY FUCKING DUMBASS

→ yourusername they like to bring up my past trauma… 😔

jackhughes someone’s a little jealous

→ username84 😟

→ username55 TREVOR?

→ username23 IS THAT WHY HE DIDN’T LIKE THE POST

→ username93 mhmm and who are we talking about here let’s be REALLLL specific 🤨

username44 all trevor’s friends are dropping the fattest hints rn

username92 AWWW yall are so cute

→ yourusername no not cute i think he’s trying to murder me

matt9duchene you better come back home before we play the ducks

→ yourusername I WILL I WILL don’t worry 😔

→ hhinee i know you wouldn’t want to miss that oppurtunity

→ yourusername i won’t miss it i swear

mush__27 don’t put the poor kid to labor

→ yourusername ur right.. if he couldn’t lift my luggage how could i expect him to lift me up on the ice

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin stop calling me weak 💔

miroheiskanen hold on is he the guy you’re talking about?

→ yourusername WHAT NO i would never date his ass

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin when did this turn into you bullying me

username3 i’m sensing a glitch in the matrix why hasn’t trevor liked the post

→ username76 he’s too busy being jealous of ilia 💀

username34 ilia looks so done

username20 we need you to perform the routine RN

jasonrob19 your mom was looking at my phone and now she’s asking if you got severely hurt

→ yourusername yes i got really really severely hurt and i need motherly assistance rn

jamiebenn14 this isn’t the boyfriend?

→ yourusername NO HE’S NOT 😭😭

→ wyattjohnston_ it’s the other ice sport

→ tseguin92 speed skating??

→ logan.stankoven no the OTHER other ice sport

→ jpav8 ice soccer?

→ t.harley48 the other OTHER other ice sport

→ matt9duchene ohhhh curling?

→ yourusername oh my god…

colecaufield blink twice if you’re being held hostage

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin BLINK BLINK

→ yourusername he’s just trying to get attention

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin ????

username47 tell me you’re considering doing pairs again 🙏🙏

→ yourusername idk about that one… (please god no)

nickrobertson01 remember when you fell on top of me and almost cracked my head open when we were kids

→ yourusername remember when i said i have 10x more blackmail on you than you do on me 😍

→ jasonrob19 actually i’m the one with all the blackmail

→ yourusername shhh you know nothing

trevorzegras

liked by jackhughes, colecaufield, yourusername, and 292,268 others

trevorzegras 🦆🦆

view all comments

jackhughes numero 11 stays on top 😮‍💨

→ colecaufield 22 is arguably better

→ _alexturcotte u just doubled the number bro

→ colecaufield bc i’m doubly better???

→ trevorzegras uhhh is that even a word

username31 is trevor in his aesthetic era???

username97 i love the ducks but their jersey is such a jumpscare

yourusername let’s go fucks

liked by trevorzegras

→ yourusername oh my god i meant ducks

→ yourusername there goes my reputation

→ colecaufield i love the anaheim fucks 🔥

→ ilia_quadg0d_malinin i wasn’t gonna comment on the post but.. how’d you manage to screw up this badly

→ _alexturcotte tell me you’re stupid without telling me you’re stupid

→ yourusername WHY ARE F AND D RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER

→ trevorzegras LMFAO that’s cute

username25 bro really thought he could sneak in that lipstick stain pic

→ username72 more evidence that him and lacey r dating fr

mush__27 excited to play you next week!

→ trevorzegras thanks man

username2 oh lord the stars are commenting now

colecaufield when you come to montreal we’re gonna have a nice long chat in a dark closet where there’s nowhere to hide

→ trevorzegras oh

→ trevorzegras again?

→ colecaufield “again”????

→ _alexturcotte oh it’s okay i already did that 🤗

wyattjohnston_ 🦆

→ trevorzegras ⭐️

_quinnhughes i hope you know i’m praying on your downfall

→ trevorzegras i’ll be forever grateful. 😐

username67 they gotta be fucking on the dl

username21 tell me she’s not getting railed after every game like hello?? insta interactions don’t lie ❌

→ username50 that’s so specific.. 😰

jamie.drysdale we will we will quack you ‼️

→ trevorzegras ducks wannabe 🙄🙄

→ jamie.drysdale okay i see how it is..

lhughes_06 $200 is on the line dude

→ trevorzegras you’re the ones placing bets it’s not my fault if you lose all your money 🤷‍♂️

→ jackhughes $250 now cuz u mentioned it to him 🙄

→ _quinnhughes i’m gonna be SO unbelievably rich

anaheimducks and when did you go on a cruise?

→ trevorzegras 🤫

→ anaheimducks 🧏‍♂️

→ masonmctavish23 please for the love of god stop mewing it’s not funny

tseguin92 i got my eye on you kid

notes ) ew ew ew i don’t like it but it is what it is

tags: @dancerbailey3 @lexihowardsgf @bunbunbl0gs

[sombredancer]

Dark (2017-2020, Netflix)

Just rewatched Dark and I`m in love and in pain, pain, PAIN...

Beware of being heavily spoiled ahead.

The first painful question: would you save your father from sufferings, if it would mean for you to be erased from existence for good? (From this question on started my love for this show).

The second question: is it really wrong, to love someone you shouldn`t love? Will it cause the end of the world?

The desperate abduction. Oh, it was so beautiful!

The third question: will you really be happy with the truth about a time loop that you helped to build with your own hands, when you are able to see the whole picture?

At the end I felt sorry even for him. The fourth question: how does it feel, to try so hard to change your doom and save your loved ones, only to find out that you are the source of their most unbearable pain?

"You are a too good man. Always was. This world didn't deserve you." It's a story about an infinite pain of each and every character: Katharina, Ulrich, Claudia and H.G. Tannhaus, who loved their relatives too much; Hannah, who loved herself too much; Jonas, Mikkel, Martha, Hanno, Charlotte, Elisabeth, Peter, Egon and Helge, who fell victims of the time-travel paradox. It's funny that an insane love for a child launched this glitch in a matrix and another insane love for a child put it all to the end. A circle closed. Poetic.

The fifth question: would you fix the error in a matrix by self-sacrifice, if it would delete you and half of your nearest and dearest from existence but ends the never-ending circle of pain for others?

"We match perfectly. Never believe in anything else."

"The light glitched, there was a loud crack and then everything went dark. And somehow the world came to an end. There was dark and the light never came again. I had such a peculiar feeling like it was for the best. Like it was finally over. Like one was finally free from everything. Nothing to wish. Nothing to be obliged to do. An eternal dark. No yesterday. No now. No tomorrow. Nothing."

Finally, I should say that I'm very grateful to Germans for this series. I watched it in original in order to train my German AND because it was a very-very interesting show. Even when I watched it for the second time. One time is surely not enough for understanding of the plot, trust me.

[acr3ss-the-cosmos]

"Your guess is as good as mine, Rook..." 😓

"What in the fuck is happening here? Is there some kind of puzzle game happening where everyone gotta use codes? I'm seeing numbers everywhere."

[starshinesama]

Some sagau memes

cus im having writers block rn.

why are all the ao3 fics I Like always unfinished tho?! 😿 ⊹

Litteraly their always the main protagonists alongside reader lol, not complainin' tho! :3

Basically the 2 sides of sagau

This is basically the plot of "A Glitch in the Matrix - or Crack(heads) in the Abyss? By Cegan" (highly recommend btw :3) ☆

me rn 😭

(I'm not sure if someone's already done some of these but if they have please tag them!) ␥✮

[starheirxero]

OH GOD, I JUST FINISHED MGAFS' BLOODMOON EPISODE-

I LOVE THE TWINS SO MUCH, THEY ARE SO INCREDIBLY HILARIOUS- Little fuckers are just knocking things over, throwing shit and demanding blood, while refusing anything given to them-

FOXY LITERALLY SPRAYED THEM WITH A WATERBOTTLE AND TREATED THEM LIKE A TODDLER, A DOG, AND A CAT SIMULTANEOUSLY- He ain't having it! :D

Foxy just casually being horrified about their diet is cracking me up- He doesn't know em, he's not aware of what kind of people they are- I honestly forget, that they'd be freaky to an outsider-

Though I am getting rather nervous👀 Frank's warning is almost here! My only guess is, that they could be separated, as it's worse than death to them! Though the question would be: how? Will it be Frank, or maybe Stitchwraith? Could it be a consequence of Ruin's plan, such as a glitch in the matrix? And if it's not separation, what the hell is gonna happen-?

-Stardust

I KNOW RIGHTTT AHAJAGSJDN THEY WERE SUCH LITTLE BASTARDS ON MGAFS IT FILLED ME WITH A JOY LIKE NO OTHER <3<3<3

LITERALLY EXACTLY WHAT U SAID THEY'RE BEING TREATED LIKE A KID AND A PET AT THE EXACT SAME TIME AND ITS THE FUNNIEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME FOR A ROBOT THAT HAS LITERALLY GORED HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE WITH HIS OWN TWO HANDS ABAJAHAJHSJS

AND FOXY YEAHAJAHSJAHC him asking Bloodmoon "is that real" WAS SO FUNNY TO ME LIKE AJSBSKDN he's already just gotten used to Bloodmoon's drama and threats that when he says he Literally Eats Blood he's like "uh huh yea okay are you gunna tell me something true and real now" HSKAHSJWND

BUT THE WHOLE THING WITH FRANK YEA OMS. I saw the comments saying that those 4 weeks are gunna be up in like, 3-ish days? Which simultaneously has me excited as all hell but also so nervous RHAJAHSJ

If its separation I will be SO insanely intrigued as to where that goes and how they'll handle it but like u said if it isn't, then. like are they just gunna explode lunarstyle whats gunna happen HSKWNSKSJ

[jessaerys]

(kind of a long-ish excerpt -- i've been twisting myself into pretzels about posting fic for the first time in years and driving myself crazy about it, so i figured it'd do me good to do a teeny tiny soft launch to demystify the whole thing. as a treat thoughts appreciated :') title may change, we'll see.) texas sharpshooter fallacy flirt mello/near | T (excerpt) | 700ish words | canon compliant.

near knocks.

his idea of inconspicuous is a sharp black coat and matching slacks and aviators now high up and glossy on his head. he knocks, and stands there in the fluorescent headache hallway where he can hear mello’s neighbors two doors over fucking to industrial EDM, their bed and their heads shrieking. as if the shock of white hair and vermeer eyes and his pretty babydoll mouth wouldn’t turn heads from harlem to chinatown. he has to laugh.

the 6th floor hallway is carpeted in cigarette butts and shards of glass and piss and misery, rock-bottom regret, apathy of the take-a-walk-out-of-the-roof variety. the wallpaper is an eyesore from the 70s and the ceilings are crazy cracked. taking the lift is a game of russian roulette. more than one person has died in this floor alone. he knows because it was his finger on the trigger, and fuck, he hasn't bothered to scrub out the stains. the grifters, the killers, the whores: everyone here —everyone— has been forsaken by god.

and near is alone.

for a brief, ridiculous moment mello is fourteen again, filled with a gleeful kind of malice, hoping the crackheads across the hall walk out and see near in all of his freakish man-in-black, little gray alien glory. catnip for psychosis, and right on the money to boot. if mello squints just so, it looks as if near is trapped inside the fishbowl marble universe of his peephole.

“in military strategy,” near says, his voice a tuning silver fork that makes the hair on the back of mello’s head stand on end. it is deeper. more elegant. mello had noticed, earlier, when they’d been strangers in the same room with nothing in common but the race for kira’s head and five years worth of resentment. “to refuse diplomatic entrance to one’s territory would be considered a declaration of war.”

“we already accepted jesus into our hearts.”

inside his grimy spaceship, the corner of near’s mouth quirks for a flash of a kodak moment and then it is gone. glitch in the matrix. mello’s wolfteeth grin knocks painfully into the aluminum.

“and didn’t the lord say offer hospitality to one another without grumbling?”

1 peter 4:9. the verse just before reads: above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

"nothing a couple dozen hail marys won't fix."

above them something shatters against the floor. a woman screams. a weight falls heavy on the floor and then there is silence. the ceiling snows dirty dust all over near’s shoulders like so much winter wonderland. the lights flicker and flicker.

neither of them say anything. mello watches. he can’t see you, he tells himself, feeling like the world's best and brightest buffoon. he's not fucking godtouched.

but near raises a hand to his rosy cherubim face, makes a circle with his thumb and index finger to squint through with one big ophanim eye.

watches the watcher.

“i will wait for sixty seconds.”

mello finds his gun. sticks it in the back of his pants. runs his hands through his hair. pulls his gun out, checks the mag. pops it in place. hesitates. checks it again. he was right the first time. it is empty. thirty eight, thirty seven.

L used to say, it’s a boundary, mello. explicit verbal communication of where the limits are. respecting it preserves the peace. you can choose to ignore it, but you should first know why. and you should be ready for the inevitable outcome.

but what this really is is this: near coming to him alone under cover of night, so naïve he might as well be wearing a neon sign that says mug me or kidnap me or worse! i'm a stupid little boy!; as far he can be from the safety of his prince’s tower all to give little old mello the pleasure a fucking ultimatum.

his blood simmers. his ears ring. his sympathetic nervous system betrays him only ever around near, and near's little sycophant butlers could be just out of sight. he could be here with a swat team and a warrant for his arrest. he could be here to let mello know he has once again taken from him the only thing that's ever made any damn sense in his life.

he tries to breathe through it. tries to weight his options. he tries to be more like L.

he fails.

four, three, two—

near turns to leave.

mello opens the door.

.

.

.

[mshroom1e]

Hiiiii!!! Could I request something for Jamil? This one's probably considered crack and fluff but I'm not too sure.

So, reader (who's a female unless you only gender neutral s/o's) is the opposite of our boy Jamil; goofy, dorky, silly, snarky, lazy, and an overall bumbling idiot. Jamil is sure that someone like her can't be successful in life because she's so incompetent and playful (basically if Leona and Kalim had a kid, lol), there's absolutely no way she will ever surpass him-or anyone really- in anything. Or so he thought.

One day, Crewel asks her a rather difficult question that not even Jamil knows. So, imagine his shock when reader answers correctly. But, that's just dumb luck. Right?Nope! Kalim was throwing one of his parties and Jamil offers to cook the food only for the precious sunshine boy to reveal that reader's already got it covered. Cue reader and some other Scarabia students walking out of the kitchen with plates of delicious food. From then on, Jamil would get upstaged by reader everytime which made him jealous. Until, something happened that changed everything.

It was Jamil's birthday and he wasn't expecting much. Only to get a letter from reader asking him to come to Scarabia at night. He's confused but complies. When he gets there, all the lights are off. Now he's more confused and irritated, believing it to be some prank.

That's when the lights turn on and everyone including reader yells "Surprise!". On the table, laid all his favorite dishes made by reader herself. She also gives him a present, a pair of headphones she teamed up with the Shroud brothers to make for him.

Needless to say, Jamil is touched and has to stop himself from crying.

Heya! Thank you so much for the request!! Apologies in advance for any ooc Jamil moments since I'm still getting used to writing him into fics. I also made reader/Yuu a second year for story purposes. Thanks for bearing with me!

5 to 1 | Jamil x GN! Reader

type: fanfic

Summary: Jamil is constantly being one upped by none other than Yuu themselves. One day, he finds a little box sitting at his desk, and his curiously gets the better of him

3.5k words

Warning(s): none

Angry? No way. How could he possibly be angry? Jamil Viper, someone who was known for his levelheadedness and cool temper, there was no way he could ever be losing his head over anything. Nothing at all! Even thinking he was capable of blowing up in a fit of rage was preposterous.

If that was true, then why was he sitting in his room at 4 in the morning seething, clenching his fists, and staring at his homework? The bags under his bloodshot eyes were large enough to carry all of- no, double of Kalim's luggage when going on an overnight trip.

Well, it was all because of you.

Ever since you enrolled at NRC, through what Jamil at first assumed was some sort of loophole in the system, or as they say, a glitch in the matrix, he believed you were an absolute airhead. From your first year, you were in almost all of the same classes, and you were so- incapable. For example, there was one time when you were partnered up with Jamil for an alchemy lesson, and you accidentally turned half of the class into dogs for a week. Professor Crewel usually referred to his students as rambunctious puppies, but he never actually wished that they would turn into that.

Your path in that school was always followed by chaos, explosions, and magical mayhem.

Jamil loved you. Don't get him wrong. If he didn't, why else would he be dating you? It was just that your prescence always found a way to tickle his brain in the wrong way, and he got even angrier at himself each time for how deeper and deeper he fell in love with you. It was beyond him how he ended up dating you with your goofy, dorky, silly, snarky, lazy, idiot personality. Maybe it was your brutal honesty or the fact that Jamil was able to be his natural blunt self around you, and you never seemed to get offended or hurt by it. He was never like that to anyone except Kalim, of course, but that's different.

So, back to what Jamil was currently doing. As an end of topic assignment, Professor Trein asked for a 15-page essay on all the topics that your class had done on the history of magic. You were given 2 months to complete it. So, it was reasonable when Jamil, the professor and the entire of the class were absolutely diabolically flabbergasted after you turned in a 30 page essay a week after the assessment was given, like it was no trouble at all.

Jamil, personally, wasn't having it. There was no way he would let you surpass him like that in all your idiotic glory.

-

The next morning, Jamil arrived in alchemy class looking like he had just been through it all. His hair looked rough and dishevelled, the hoodie he wore under his blazer was inside out, and he wore the wrong shoes on each foot. The ten minutes of free time before class started was mainly you poking fun at Jamil, half teasing and half genuinely worried.

You shrugged when he told you everything was fine while he grumbled under his breath, deciding not to pry any further. You'd just have to pester him after class was over.

Today's lesson was one on theory. Crewel would teach the class some new alchemy related material while everyone took notes, well except you. You spent most of class time almost falling asleep, yawning, and nudging Jamil with your elbow. Normally, he would've made a snarky comment at you that would make you return it with an even snarkier reply, but he didn't have enough energy for your shenanigans at the moment.

You nearly jumped out of your own skeleton once the professor called you out and asked you to complete the chemical equation on the board. It was one of the most difficult to answer, as the names of the missing reactants were practically impossible to memorise.

"Oh, It's Ornithogalum adseptentrionesvergentulum and Parastratiosphecomyia stratiosphecomyioides," you answered without missing a beat.

"Colour me impressed," Crewel was pleasantly surprised, "But make sure you pay attention. I have no need for any unfocused pups in my classroom."

Jamil's eyes practically bulged out of his head. He had to blink twice before rendering what you said into his mind. He couldn't believe it even for a second. He was sure you weren't even paying attention the entire lecture, talkless of even memorising something that Crewel mentioned over half an hour ago. Even he had no idea what the answer was, so how on earth did you manage to answer it so easily? Surely it was just an odd stroke of luck, right?

"Rodger that, sir," you said smoothly. Crewel gave you a stern glance and continued on with the lesson.

Little did Jamil know, that was only the beginning of your win streak against him.

-

Recess was upon you at last, and you went to doing one of your favourite activities. Annoying Jamil. He was off 'babysitting Kalim' duty, as you liked to call it, since he was busy with club activities and Jamil could finally have some downtime. Well, if you don't count, you bugging him every other second.

"Your hair looks kinda messy. Didn't get enough sleep?" You suddenly said, making Jamil glance at you from the side.

He hummed.

Little did you know, you were the primary reason for him losing so much sleep.

"Want me to do it for you?" You asked, "You know, I'm nothing short of a pro hair stylist myself," You were definitely lying.

Surprisingly, he didn't take much convincing to eventually agree. Usually, he never let you lay even a finger on his hair, but today, he really couldn't be bothered.

You stood up from the bench, moving to stand behind him so you could do your magic on his hair.

To be completely honest, you had no idea what you were actually doing. You had seen Jamil do his hair about one time, so you decided to just go from what you saw then. First you parted the left side of his hair into three, then you begain braiding the three different parts in cornrows, added the three gold accessories you may or may not have stolen from his room, and boom, you were done.

"Done!"

Well, that was quick.

You summoned a mirror for Jamil to look at the final product of your work. Needless to say he was flabbergasted.

There was no way you just did his signature hairstyle a million times better than he did. The braids were even in swirly patterns for fs sake. Jamil wasn't going to lie to himself and say he wasn't jealous of your effortless skill.

For the rest of the day, Jamil unconsciously got slightly ticked off when seeing his reflection in the mirror.

You: 2

Jamil: 0

-

A few days later, you followed Jamil to club practice because, why not?

The basketball club was in the middle of a practice game, and you just spent most of the time admiring how cool Jamil looked.

A club member tossed a basketball at you and asked if you wanted to join. You didn't mind playing in uniform since it was already the end of the day anyway, so you agreed.

You lazily tossed the ball from where you sat in the bleachers at one of the nets and it went straight in with a satisfying swoop. Impressed, but more shocked, Jamil turned to you, eyebrows raised with shock, and you gave him a lazy smirk.

You: 3

Jamil: 0

-

Here came Coach Vargas' gym class. The worst nightmare of the Ignihyde dorm and the bane of most students' existence.

It was quite early in the year, so the coach decided on strength tests to see where everyone was currently at. He planned several activities for the whole class to do, most of them having little rules except the obvious 'NO MAGIC'.

First up was a simple ball toss. All you had to do was simply throw the ball as far as you could. Piece of cake.

When it was your turn, you picked up a ball and stood in the circle where you were to throw it from. You simply did a light stretch of your arm muscles and rolled your shoulders.

Without much effort, you drew your arm back and away the ball went. Jamil felt a gust of wind blow his hair back as the ball left your hand. It was less than a second before the poor ball was sent into the clouds and never to be seen again. Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration, but the ball did go really far.

Vargas laughed heartily in amusement once your score came up on the tablet in his hands. A neon-coloured "87 metres" flashed on the screen, reminding Jamil that you really did throw the ball that far.

You: 4

Jamil: 0

The rest of the gym lesson was just you beating poor Jamil at everything under the sun. In the short distance race, you practically bolted to the finish line, leaving Jamil in your dust, lifted almost 3 times as much as he could in the weight training, and cleared the sandpit in a single long jump test.

Needless to say, he was exhausted, both physically and mentally. Jamil couldn't help but make everything with you into a one-sided competition, which always resulted in him getting defeated by a landslide. But to be honest, he didn't mind losing because, when he entered his little contests with you, he was always trying his best.

-

"Jamil! We're having a party!"

"HUH?!"

Begrudgingly, Jamil followed Kalim into the common room of the Scarabia dorm. He mentally groaned, complaining to himself about never being able to catch a break. His lovely dorm leader usually threw his celebrations on a whim, unintentionally inconveniencing Jamil as he would be forced to make food for the guests to eat.

He had already started making a list of his chores to prepare the party in his head, not really paying attention to where the white-haired ball of sunshine was leading him to.

Eventually, the duo reached the kitchen, and Jamil's nose picked up a delicious scent coming from beyond the door. He wasn't sure what it was, but he was sure its scent alone rivalled his very own cooking.

Kalim pushed the door open with a smile on his face, revealing you, placing the final touches on a plate.

"Yuu offered to make the snacks so you didn't have to!" Kalim piped in.

"Oh, and, don't worry about the food being poisoned. I tasted everything in front of Kalim, so it's all safe," You added, "No need to thank me."

You glanced at Jamil and returned his stunned expression with a lazy smirk. Even in his own job he'd been assigned to from childhood, you still managed to one up him.

"Oh..." was all be could say.

"Wanna try some?" You picked up a piece of food and held it up to Jamil's mouth, "It tastes really good."

By this time, Kalim had already waddled off to wonder somewhere else in the dorm, leaving just you and Jamil in the kitchen.

It didn't take more than two seconds for Jamil to comply and open his mouth, allowing you to place the food inside it. You watched him expectantly as he slowly chewed, carefully savouring the flavour.

He was right. It definitely tasted better than his cooking. The flavours felt like they were dancing over and around his taste buds, exploding little delicious fireworks in his mouth. But he was too petty to admit that.

"Tastes good," He said with a relatively straight face compared to the thoughts swimming around in his head, screaming at him to compliment the taste more. He was definitely too petty for that.

You and your stupidly good cooking.

You: 5

Jamil: 0

-

Over the next few days, school continued as normal, well, as normal as it could be in a school like NRC.

Class was just about wrapped up for the day, students standing around, chatting, and not doing much else. Jamil entered the classroom after stepping out for a few minutes.

Someone had come to get him, claiming someone else wanted to talk to him about something. For a matter with a lot of 'someones' and 'somethings', there really was nothing. The person eventually never showed up, and Jamil shrugged and returned to his class to collect his belongings and retire for the day.

At his desk was a light orange gift box tied shut with a muted red bow. Jamil raised an eyebrow, glaning to the student in the desk next to his, wordlessly asking if they knew anything about it. They shrugged as if saying 'no', making Jamil even more perplexed.

He lifted the box, hoping it wasn't just some elaborate prank. He then shook it.

It was... empty?

Or so he thought.

Jamil opened the box, wary, half expecting something to pop out or explode in his face. His confusion grew as a letter sat at the bottom of the hollow cube, with the name 'Jamil' written in cursive. As far as he knew, he hadn't seen anyone with this type of writing before, so he couldn't narrow down the mystery gift giver.

He hastily opened the envelope to reveal a short letter written with what looked like a riddle.

'I see you have found my surprise, friend.

I hope you see this hunt to its end,

Your first prize lies at a location known well,

A place with goods, magic to sell,

Find this place, and then there will lie your next clue.'

He blinked.

What?

He read the note again to make sure he wasn't dreaming. At first, he planned to leave the note where it was and continue with his day, but as they say, curiosity killed the cat. Pocketing the letter, he set off to complete the silly mission.

Jamil arrived at the school store, a place fitting that description. On a bench in front of the store sat yet another light orange box that stuck out like a sore thumb. This time, with a matching orange bow.

Noticing the box right away, Jamil untied the ribbon and opened it, revealing another letter. He repeated his previous actions with the box and read the letter.

'I see you have discovered my second clue.

Worry not. This search will be brief.

You have one more clue after this one.

A castle made out of glass

Accompanied by plants few of them grass

Flowers and magical floras galore

But tending to them is kind of a chore'

It didn't take long for this clue to click in Jamil's head. The only place fitting that description was the botanical gardens, so off he went.

A few students lingered around the garden, some taking care of their plants whole others rested on benches and chattered.

There was a light tap on Jamil's shoulder, causing him to glance behind him. A cloaked figure held out another orange box to him, which was accompanied by a yellow ribbon. As soon as he picked the box from the mystery person's hands, they wordlessly walked away. Jamil spotted a lock of lavender hair peeking out of the hood and raised his eyebrow.

He shook his head with an airy laugh and opened the new box.

A letter, like usual.

'Your search will soon be over,

Go to a dorm where you reside,

You will find a surprise waiting inside.'

The clue was a little confusing but nothing that Jamil couldn't eventually figure out. The only place on campus that fitted the description was, of course, his dorm, Scarabia.

Jamil ventured to the mirror chamber and eventually to the given location, arms full of orange boxes that he decided to take with him for some reason. A string of glowing green lights illuminated the usual path to the entrance of the dorm in a long line, as if forging a path.

Eventually, he was led to the dorm's common room. The room was dark and as silent as a desert. 'That's it?' he thought, confused and slightly irritated at the time he spent on the hunt.

Jamil heared a quiet chuckle from somewhere close before he was bombarded with a sudden:

"SURPRISE!!"

His eyes widened, and he physically jumped back, ears attacked by the noise, and eyes suddenly ambushed with a flush of light. Poppers exploding with confetti ereupted all around him, a large banner saying "Happy Birthday, Jamil!!" above his head. His nerves only relaxed once he noticed you standing in front of him with a lazy grin on your face, surrounded by your classmates and some students from other years.

"Happy Birthday," You said in your usual calm, yet snarky voice.

The common room was decorated like it would be during one of Kalim's parties, however the banner had his name written on it in bold, sparkly letters, reminding him that he was the one who was being celebrated. His favourite dishes were all laid out on the table, cooked by none other than yourself.

He felt his eyes become wet but quickly blinked away whatever was forming in them before he could lose his composure.

Kalim practically hopped over to him with a huge smile on his face, "It was Yuu's idea to put this all together for you!"

Jamil turned to you, stunned, again. You returned his look with a genuine smile this time, though, instead of your default snarky smirk.

"Happy Birthday, Sea Snake," Floyd lazily strung his arm around Jamil's shoulder.

You invited almost everyone you and Jamil knew, and even a few third years. Jamil even saw a few members from the Diasomnia (hence the green fireflies) and Ignihyde dorms, surprised that you even managed to convince them to come.

-

After all greeting Jamil with birthday wishes and a few gifts here and there, you wisked him to a balcony, wanting to give him your gift in a quieter setting.

Gentle gusts of wind playfully tousled Jamil's long locks of hair as they glistened in the moonlight. He was still speechless.

"You- You did all this?" Jamil asked in a low voice, staring directly into your eyes.

"Well, I got a lot of help from everyone, but it was mainly my idea," You rubbed the back of your neck and stared at the ground, your face growing warm in an unusual flush of nervousness.

"I..." Jamil tried to say something, anything, but he wasn't sure what to say. Should he thank you? Should he just hug you? He wasn't sure. The only thing he could utter for now was, "Why? Why all this for me?"

Your eyes darted back at him, surprised. You knew he wasn't the most self-assured person ever, but it was still a little shocking to see him being so self-critical.

"Jamil-" You started, "You don't understand how much you need to be celebrated? Do you?"

You tried to play it off with your snarky demeanor but this time, you just couldn't.

"But I'm nothing special," He retorted.

"Oh, come on," you sighed, "You're literally the most special person to me, like ever."

You placed your gift on a nearby table and put both of your hands on his shoulders, holding him in place as you said what you wanted to say.

"You're smart, talented, a great cook, beautiful-"

"But you surpass me in almost everything," He cut you off, stepping back.

"That's because I- I'm always trying extra hard to impress you!" You blurted out, immediately slapping your hands over your mouth.

"You what...?"

"You're so good at everything yet you don't try to stand out, and I thought if I tried hard to impress you, you'd want to show off your talents more since I know you're so competitive."

Wow.

You seriously read him like an open book.

Jamil looked at you with a teasing smirk. Usually, it was you that had the snarky attitude. Oh, how the tables have turned.

"Dang it." You turned your head to the side and furrowed your brows.

"What about what you wanted to give me?" Jamil folded his arms with a light smile.

"Oh, yeah."

You picked up the box and pushed it in front of you, towards Jamil, sheepishly avoiding his eyes as he opened it. He pulled out a smaller box that was covered with a familiar neon blue.

"They're a pair of headphones I made for you myself, well with the help of the Shroud brothers, but I came up with the design myself, and the patterns reminded me of you so-"

A spark went off in Jamil's charcoal grey eyes as he cut you off with a swift kiss, his hands placing the box down on the outdoor table and reaching to hold yours. Murmurs from the party at the other side of the wall were reduced to background noise as your senses were suddenly occupied. His rich, floral scent filled your nose as he gently leaned into the kiss, causing you to fluster.

This time, he was the one who caught you off guard.

You: 5

Jamil: 1

[galvanizedfriend]

Fic: We'll Always Have New Orleans [2/15]

Summary: Caroline wakes up in a world where everything looks exactly the same, only nothing really is. For starters, she's no longer a vampire, and no one else in Mystic Falls has ever heard of witches, vampires or werewolves - no one except for Klaus, who woke up just as human and twice as angry about it. Their search for answers and a way out takes them all the way to New Orleans, and Caroline could never anticipate how much this crazy fake world was about to alter her reality forever.

[Canon!AU. Set right after TVD 4x18.]

--

Chapter 2: The System Only Dreams in Total Darkness

Theory number 378: it's all a joke.

A bad joke. An extremely unfunny one. The world's worst joke ever.

Somewhere out there, there's an asshole cracking up right now, Caroline can feel it. This can’t be random. It can't just be an unfortunate coincidence. Things like this don’t just happen by chance. Not in Mystic Falls.

If she had been alone, or if there was anyone else here, then she could believe this was a wrong place, wrong time kind of situation. It wasn't directed at her, she just happened to be the unlucky one to get caught up in a nasty glitch in the supernatural matrix and sucked into this simulation from hell.

But she's not alone, and she’s not with just anyone either. Of all the people in the world, she had to get stuck in this weird history-altering, memory-removing, magic wipe-out of a world with Klaus Mikaelson.

There's no way this was an accident. It has to be the deliberate action of someone with a very twisted sense of humor.

The one thing Caroline is certain of is that whoever is behind this knew exactly what they were doing, and picked the two of them for a reason. For the life of her, she can't fathom what that reason could be other than dark enjoyment, but it exists, and now all she and Klaus have to do is figure out how to work together to find out why. And then how they can put a stop to it.

How hard can it be?

Read the full chapter here

--

What? Two fics updated in one week? Who tf am I? ✨

Sorry about the delay, kids! Life's hard, work's busy, I hate my writing, etc, etc. As always, reblogs, comments, kudos, messages, pigeons, anything is welcome!

Also, sorry not sorry for any medical misconceptions, I don't really care, it's art 🤌 just let it roll.

[acr3ss-the-cosmos]

They are both judging you so harshly, Caelus.

[bolognamayhem117]

I feel like there's a glitch in the matrix because I've got this post that gets a consistent stream of notes months later and it feels like it's sat at 1,160-something for months. Idc about its note activity, the post could fall straight to hell for all I care, it's just that it's constantly getting like and reblog buttons tickled but the numbers stay in the same neighborhood, making me feel slightly cracked?

[thoughtsafterdark]

Changeling

Years ago

When I fell I love with the shake of a head

The sweep of a fringe across honey eyes

With hard edges and cutting comments

With earnestness and sincerity

Trembling, pouting lips

And everything in between

When the thought of going to bed with strangers unnerved me

I was so in love with the unwavering notion of love

I thought there must be something wrong with me

When I was 13 I had a letterbox of loves, real and imagined, made from long sighs and airy thoughts

and I would take them out, carefully, blow off the dust and cobwebs at birthdays and holidays

Dance with ghouls under the green and red and blue Christmas lights

The hazy mouldy smog of the artificial tree gave me made my throat itch, triggered asthma attacks

A 1970s astigmatic capitalist daydream

Our reflections mirrored on baubles in the dark of Christmas Eve

And I lived there between branches

Polypropylene leaves digging into my skin

And I would whisper in their ears

Exchange love notes by the nativity scene

Who needed friends when I had

Tempero parietal epilepsy

And a rich internal life

(Autism diagnosis pending)

Sometimes I think

Whatever happened to her

To that wild, wide eyed, unsettling little changeling

The one who would watch the washing machine for hours

Hypnotised by the universes trapped in soap bubble films

They warp and change divide and split. Mitose. Evolve. Is this what it is to play god. We are closer to him in those years. Half formed clay golems with chubby, pawing fingers, muddy hair and drooling eyes.

If I were to crawl into his lap

Do you think he would hug me close like my father never did

I remember mornings

On the way to school

Stomach in knots

I remember French toast smothered in buttery creaminess. Bottled sunshine. Red berries popping on my tongue. Bursts of blood red flesh against retainers. An autumnal afternoon wrapped in a nauseous morning haze. Palms drenched in sweat.

I remember mud and dirt on knees, under fingernails. The feel of butterfly wing powder on my fingers.  Digging through mud, playing with ants. I used to pluck out their legs one by one, and watch as the others tore it apart.

I remember the hypnotic lick of flames against midnight skies, paper towns and cardboard dollhouse burning to ashes in the wind. I used to imagine the screams.

Don't you think fire is so poetic. Some glitch in the matrix. As alive as a dead thing can be. Heat and light, ionised air, a chain reaction that spreads and jumps from one thing to another? Destroys in its wake. The cancer of the dead world, with its own nefarious self replicating agenda. The 2nd Law of Thermodynamics, heat death made sentient. Saltatory conduction and Conway's game of life (or death)

Do you suppose with enough time it could learn to think? Do you believe if it could it would scream?

She's been locked in her cell for too long. I'm so so tired and the mask is melting.

I used to think I was good at reading people. At empathising. Now I wonder was it just her. Playing with puzzles, matching faces to appropriate responses.

I can feel her waking up, with her wide fae eyes, her long pointed ears. The better to see you with my dear. Better to quirk a head to the side and hear you with my dear. Unhinge her jaw and swallow you whole. Feel my spine crack, bones rearrange, muscles twist. The crunch of food plunging down my throat. My scales contracting around the bolus, accommodating, slithering.

They say hate and love are two sides to the same coin and I am inclined to agree. I thought I knew hate, and then you came. Like a storm that left me desolate and full of rage. I can feel the bitterness and fury sharpening itself in my gut every time I hear your voice. The blade melting, forging. The voice driving me insane. To best you, leave you in the dust. I am so so bone tired.

Sometimes I wonder

If I should love my hourglass body more

There are moments when I envy men

But never as much as now

Nothing drives my dysphoria like

Wanting to gauge out your eyes with my fingers

And fuck your empty eye sockets while you scream

Feel the supraorbital notch against my pelvis

Revel in the wet, garish squelch

I think you've gone braindead but that's alright

That's what my fingers buried in your nape are for

There is blood everywhere, god so much blood.

And here you had us all thinking you couldn't bleed

(Shut up

You all know

If I were a man

Writing about a woman

Pinning her down

Rearranging her insides

You would clap and ooh and ahh

Such a tortured soul, aching for release

Slaps on the back and salutations

"Tell us Stanley! Oh did you know since you were

a fucked up little boy pulling on Pigtails

That your self-indulgent gore pornography would revolutionise the medium of film?")

My momma used to say, clutching at her bloated belly

that she would love any baby

As long as it was happy and healthy

And! As long as it wasn't mentally...deficient. She would laugh then. How could she have a baby like that.

Some say I'm a genius mommy

I was the best in my class

But why do I feel like

I should tell you I'm sorry

I really did try

But mommy I'm so tired

I want to go to sleep

My bones are sick of trying

And the redcaps in the Earth are calling to me

They're so hungry momma

And so am I

I hope you find your real daughter mommy

Hope she has your eyes

I hope you get to love her mommy

Just not the way you loved me

[jonathancjones]

". . ."

hands it back

"Ah...Mate..." His voice nearly cracked at the gesture. It was a type of emotional he hadn't been in such a long time. "You truly are here to grant my wishes, aren't you? It doesn't even feel real...being with you. Sometimes I think I'll realize, I'll wake up from some kinda glitch in the matrix but I never do. Mario...I'll cherish ya more than the rarest gem in the ocean."

[spookcataloger]

dont really use 4chin anymore, but i had a fucked up experience recently that i think you might like to hear

>be me, early 20s, living on the east coast of north america >have no history of mental illness besides slight 'tism symptoms >go to community theater with cousin >have never actually been to community theater before, lied to out-of-towner cousin about having been before for literally no reason >show stops for intermission halfway through >realize i have to piss >leave, head to bathroom accessible from underground parking lot >bathroom is at the end of a white/yellow hallway that curves to the side, then back up, in kind of a lightning shape (⚡) >walls in the horizontal middle segment are lined with signs advertising nearby mall >enter, piss, wash hands, leave >instant feeling of dread washes over me (clueless) >make right turn, pass signs, push open door to parking lot >door opens into other hallway instead >go down this hallway, make right turn >same mall signs on the horizontal segment >push open door to parking lot >opens onto a hallway again >think "guess it felt longer going in than coming out" (idiot) >make right turn >same fucking signs >get freaked out, turn around, go back the way i came >find actual door to parking lot >get back to seat at theater >cousin says "someone got back early" >whole trip felt for me like it took at least 10 minutes >cousin says i was out of his line of sight for maybe 3 minutes at most >never tell him anything was wrong

did my mind just crack for a few minutes? glitch in the matrix? was the fucking community theater bathroom trying to trap me in some kind of p.t. time loop?

Kinda like an anti-autopilot. Your cousin was probably messing with you, but still eerie.

[dazzlingmemes]

things  my  best  friend  has  said  taken  out  of  context  part  ix. change pronouns/tenses if needed ! tw :   mature  themes  &  strong  language.

i’m  sorry  for  being  a  bad  person.

i  would  touch  an  onion  for  you.

mawmaws  do  be  slow  as  hell.

y’all  make  out  or  something  the  tension  is  ridiculous.

do  you  ever  just  think  about  how  dark  the  ocean  is  after  a  certain  point?

blue  ivy  is  a  grammy  winner  at  9  years  old  and  i  just  ate  3  peanut  butter  cup  eggs.

google,   how  do  i  get  amnesia?

yeah  that’s  not  ketchup.

what  is  the  moon  gonna  do  with  6.7 million  sperm  samples  anyways?

dolly  parton  murdered  her.

no  jesus  and  no  crack.

get  ready  for  a  hug  and  a  fist.

i  will  take  your  brain  out  at  the  knees.

they’re  just  standing  there  like  they’ve  glitched  in  the  matrix.

a  week  in  apocalypse  times  is  like  6  months.

i  have  to  immediately  leave  the  planet.

her  jawline  could  kill  a  man.

i  am  gonna  be  on  all  the  watch  lists  now.

i  will  sit  on  your  glasses.

your  boos  fuel  me.

i’m  getting  that  tattooed  on  my  ass.

canon  shmanon.

i  just  need  my  emotional  support  american.

i  just  wanna  lay  down  on  my  hardwood  floor.

jesus  gonna  be  coming  out  with  an  apology  video  at  some  point.

wind,  you  spicy  bitch.

yes,  i  am  mom-ing  you.

we  need  to  create  our  crime  empire  so  we  can  take  over  the  world.

my  canadian  heart  went:  yes.

i  hope  the  government  has  fun  tracking  me  from  my  bed  to  my  laptop  to  my  bathroom  this  weekend.

she’s  a  plant  lesbian.

time  to  bed  and  wed.

can’t  wait  for  my  5G  to  kick  in.

are  we  stress  knitting  now?.

she  runs  weird  ‘cause  her  legs  are  so  long

you  know  you’re  going  through  some  shit  when  you  walk  from  virginia  to  texas.

i  fell  in  a  ditch.

this  is  so  heterosexual.

i  will  swing  a  fist  out  of  pure  instinct  so  i  apologize.

sometimes  you  just  have  to  do  weird  things  for  your  best  friend.

is  that  considered  small  arson?

tomorrow  is  taco  tuesday.

tell  me  you're  in  love  with  someone  without  telling  me  you're  in  love  with  someone.

he  can  have  both  of  my  sleeves.

i  will  write  you  a  strongly  worded  letter.