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kvibe-test · 6 months ago

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Dual Lives: Thriving Between Work and Artistry

Balancing a full-time job while chasing artistic dreams has been one of the most challenging and fulfilling experiences of my life. My journey into the world of music began nearly out of necessity and passion when an injury put a stop to my baseball career at the age of 19. Since then, I've been living a dual life—working a demanding 9-7 job during the day and transforming into a music producer, songwriter, and engineer during the night. Those sleepless nights from 8 PM to 4 AM became my new normal.

The term “starving artist” often suggests a life filled with financial insecurity and relentless struggle. However, my day job has strategically allowed me to fund my musical endeavors without falling entirely into that stereotype. While many artists are wired to pour their souls into their creativity, some don't quite have the fortune or capability to balance this with a day job, nor the flexibility that I was blessed with in my corporate role. This flexibility allowed me to fund my projects and stay afloat financially.

The Toll of Dual Lives

The double life wasn't without its toll. I signed my fair share of bad contracts out of sheer desperation, just like any other artist who might not give off the aura of desperation but feels it intensely. I recall countless arguments over the phone, trying to free myself from predatory contracts. The music industry is riddled with sharks ready to pounce on any ounce of vulnerability.

Despite the misconceptions, having a stable income doesn’t shield you from these struggles. It was quite the learning curve—a journey of nights filled with music production and days packed with corporate workloads, leading to eventual burnouts. I'd often think, “How many more hours can I sustain this balance?” Finances might keep the lights on, but passion is what keeps you working through the small hours.

Navigating the Industry

My nine-to-five job, or more realistically, my nine-to-seven job, often felt like a safety net. It wasn’t just about paying bills but also about giving me the leverage to make choices that wouldn’t come from a place of complete desperation. Still, similar to other artists, understanding business became vital to avoid being taken advantage of. I remember being wary of the financial jargon and the tediousness of maintaining records—tasks that felt entirely orthogonal to the creative process itself.

In today’s artistic landscape, success comes from a marriage between creativity and understanding, or at least getting by with, the business side of things. Many artists don't want to—or simply can't—dive into the less glamorous side of being an artist which involves QuickBooks, spreadsheets, and Customer Lifecycle Management (CLM) systems. I get it because I was that way too. But staying knowledgeable at least at a basic level can prevent an artist from blindly turning everything over to someone only to be taken advantage of.

Redefining Success

The definition of success varies with each individual. For many, success entails financial prosperity, but for artists, true success is often rooted in happiness and fulfillment in what they do. A talented artist living in a garage but brimming with contentment might be just as successful as a big-name star gracing international stages. It’s about the emotional satisfaction derived from their work that defines success for many artists.

Unfortunately, the lack of appreciation for the arts by the broader public doesn’t help. People binge-watch movies and stream music that artists have poured their hearts into but aren't always willing to pay for it. This disconnect affects the value of creative works and, consequently, the financial well-being of artists. The dichotomy of art being seen as both essential and non-essential creates a curious conundrum for artists striving to make a living.

In the end, maintaining this balance between my day job and my passion for music has redefined success for me. It’s no longer just about making it big or earning millions. It’s about ensuring I continue to fuel my passion while maintaining a sustainable lifestyle. Balancing these worlds isn’t just a survival tactic; it’s a strategy to keep the flame of creativity burning without it burning you out in the process.

#artistlife #musicproduction #balancingwork #creativelife #artandwork

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mrsandok · 1 year ago

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What advertising?

May 26, 2022. 1 year, 7 months, and 8 days. 587 days total.

That was the last time someone called me Mr. Delfin. My official last day of teaching.

I was in a different place then. I had an idea that I wanted to work as a full-time creative in an environment that welcomes creative thinking. Advertising interested me knowing that's where the title of "Creative Director" originated from.

I wanted that. I wanted my background in teaching English and my passion for Art to a fulfilling career where I can work with like-minded people.

It's been a very confusing journey. In many, many, many ways it still is.

12 months ago I wrote, “I’m finally comfortable being uncomfortable with not having a definable career at the moment.

My desired career is definable. But how and why I fit with being a Art Director has yet to be explored or defined in my own way.

Hopefully, with this reflective post, I’ll be closer than I've ever been with how I’ll present myself to recruiters, interviewers, and creative directors I’m dying to work with.

I ended “Life After Teaching” with this:

“Meet EJ - The Idealist was written to remind myself that I have to define and chase an ideal in order to remain an idealist.

This post was written to give myself assurance that teaching may have been for me in my 20s/early 30s. But it’s not for me at this point in my life.

I’m tired of feeling angry, frustrated, and empty at a job that gives me money and health insurance.

I’m hungry for creating art and making meaningful connections with anyone I come across.”

Not much has changed. I’m still hungry to create art and make meaningful connections with anyone I come across.

However, that’s for me in my spiritual and personal goals–not necessarily my career goals.

As an Art Director, I probably won’t be making beautiful art or making meaningful connections all the time. More likely than not, I’ll be making boring corporate shit and working with people that are simply coworkers–not friends I share deep common values with.

And that’s OK.

One of the many stressful emails I sent my professors about how I fit in with advertising was met with this reply:

“Art and Art Direction are two different things that achieve different goals, but both can live in the same person. Art direction is a great job that pays the bills, but you're still selling stuff and it's all corporation, but it's fun. Art is art and serves many purposes."

I still reference this email all the time when I struggle with my artist goals and career goals.

I can do both. But it has to be sustainable to my happiness.

One of the ways I’ve done this was to reframe my DJ career.

Yes, it’s my main form of income. But that high from having a good set where many people are happy with my performance fades. I’ve had my fun. I’ve made my friends. I’ve left my mark.

I don’t really want to be a resident DJ playing the music I don’t want to play. I rather be in bed during the hours where people are supposed to be in bed.

Simply put, I rather put my creative energy in visual things rather than musical things.

This is especially true that my only talent with DJ’ing is having the ability to read a crowd and give them what they want. I’m not creating any original songs.

So…Why advertising?

I know I have a creative SPIRIT.

But I can’t get a job based on my passion or my dreams or what I’m going to do.

youtube

I've done a good job of not surrounding myself with people who release their dopamine with their dreams without any actual action. I'm getting closer and closer each day to making sure my spoken goals become actual achievements.

I was told this early in my career when I didn’t get a teaching job at HBHS:

“We can recognize your passion, but how are you going to teach the classroom? What does that look like? We didn’t get that in the interview.”

It’s still a hard question to answer knowing I have so many creative interests: DJ’ing, painting, illustration, tattoos, photography, woodworking, cooking, etc.

A jack-of-all-trades but master of none.

But I’m too cocky to accept the “master of none” title.

I only do these things because I’m passionate about these things. I’ll be damned if my passion doesn’t translate to good quality work.

This title of Jack-of-all-Trades should be celebrated in advertising, especially as an Art Director.

There are so many outlets where I can concept, collaborate, and contribute visually to.

Advertising is the perfect industry where I’m able to do little vignettes of creativity.

Social Media Print / Video

UX design where user’s interact with ads rather than just view them are great.

@redonadida is my biggest inspiration of how to interact with people

Traditional Print

Dynamic and Static OOH

YouTube/Television Commercials

Always Sunny Podcast

All The Smoke

Mobile Advertising

Extraordinary Pop Up / Activations

Guerilla Advertising

Public Service Advertising

I’ve stared at this list for a long time wanting to name brands the advertising I fuck with.

Truth is. Nothing comes to mind. Besides the Clippers.

The Clippers. They know they’ll always be second best with a legacy as deep as the Lakers. However, their rebranding during the Steve Balmer years has been strategic and effective.

Their media personalities, Hannah Cormier, DJ Dense, and Chuck the Condor give fans reasons to interact and engage with the team. The Lakers don’t need Kitschy shit.

Recruiting NBA fans that aren’t loyal to the Lakers is a tricky thing. Nevertheless, collaborating with artists like Mister Cartoon engaged the tattoo, graffiti, and lowriding community. They pivoted directions in a different way with Jonas Wood and their designs.

I think this is what an interviewer wants to hear. How I'm able to recognize a concept and a successful execution. Or a concept that could have been made better.

An easy list of successful campaigns include

Liquid Death

Snickers

Southwest - Wanna get away?

But those campaigns don’t define me as an advertising art director.

What speaks to me is beautifully produced fiction that have the ability to tell the truth.

TV (Fargo, True Detective, IASIP, KoTH, The Simpsons, Goliath, Workaholics, Frasier, Atlanta, Dave, Freaks and Geeks, Party Down, Law & Order, Nathan for You, The Rehearsal, South Park, Beavis & Butthead, Euphoria)

Film (Before Sunset, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Closer, Blue Valentine, Revolutionary Road, In The Mood For Love)

Music (Good Kid m.a.a.d. City, Mac Miller = Gen Z’s Tupac, Taylor Swift’s Generational Ethos)

I skipped literature knowing that’s literally not visual. Music, at least, has the performative or artistry in how the artist present it to the crowd.

What’s also true about me is that I hate the invasiveness, manipulative, and exploitive nature with advertising.

It’s creepy when it’s used in a wrong way.

But, a huge but, it’s beautiful when an ad moves you in a way to change your attitude or behavior.

youtube

This ad changed my views on Gen Z knowing that I’m just being a grumpy millennial hating on the next generation because their values don’t match mine.

I automatically felt disdain for them being clout chasers, never wanting to develop an identity that’s truly theirs. Simply to be seen and famous for all the wrong reasons.

I feel that disdain because I felt that my entire career trying to teach my students the importance of developing an identity that’s true themselves and only a select few would attempt to understand what I’m trying to teach them.

The Toyota ad was referenced by a team member when we were brainstorming ideas on how to reach Gen Z through an ad.

I like this ad because it was able to teach me, in 90 seconds mind you, that Gen Z is just like any and every generation trying to make sense of their life and future.

Everyone has a different journey and everyone has a period where they’re trying to figure it out.

We’re lucky enough to see Gen Z make sense of surviving a pandemic, be political and society active via social media IN A MEANINGFUL WAY (not the usual slacktivism I grew up to), and, most importantly, THEY’RE LEGIT CREATORS.

This 90 second ad put it in perspective that my nieces, my parents, everyone around me, are growing up and, like me, are trying desperately trying to figure it out for themselves.

Beautiful.

The road to becoming a one-of-a-kind copywriter is a bit more straightforward knowing you’re just dealing with words. All you need is a word processor.

I’m not saying it’s easier, by any means. Just a bit more straight forward with only having to deal with words.

As an art director…I’m trying to bring ads to life visually.

The “how” to do this is limitless. However, my skillset is limited.

I can take photos. I can do custom lettering. I can illustrate via ProCreate. I can paint B&W portraits.

I can do graphic design with instructions of what’s expected or following a template.

I struggle with being “original” knowing there are tons of graphic designers I look up to but do not aspire to be.

I like making reels based on timelapse projects. I wouldn’t call them good or professional looking. But they’re fun to make.

“So, what would bring to _____ as a junior art director?”

This is why I’ve been sitting at my computer for the past 5 hours: figure out how I can sell myself to future ad agencies.

Creative Vignettes

With my various interests and skillsets, I’m not inclined to focus on just one thing like being a graphic designer or working on a single prolonged TV or film project.

I like to stay busy. I also like to stay busy with multiple projects. I stay creative through these multiple projects because…well. I get bored if I’m only doing one thing.

I thrive on challenges. I thrive on different challenges. I thrive on stress. The way I stay busy and relax while keeping the creative juices flowing is by starting and completing passion projects.

Social Media

I hate the toxic and manipulative nature of social media; nevertheless, I do like how it connects like-minded people including artists like myself.

It’s necessary and can be swayed in a non-toxic way if advertisers and customers respect the platform. A wishful thought but so have been many other campaigns such as getting Texans to stop littering in the '80s.

Bringing Ads to Life Visually

I appreciate art in all forms. Art is a feeling. Ads are talked about and shared when they’re able to make you feel a certain way.

Aesthetics are important to me. I’m not always trying to strive to make my viewers “feel” a certain way; nevertheless, it has to look pretty. It can’t be ugly while having my name is attached to it.

Ideas and Concepting

I prided myself in shaping my lesson plans to be engaging for my students because, well, I wanted to be engaged in the material as well. I wanted the discussions and writing to be topics I was genuinely interested in and the classroom would organically flourish from there.

Fail fast to get to the good stuff. Kill your babies that you’re initially in love with first. The bad ideas lead to good ideas. Don’t wait for feedback. Criticize yourself and trust the swings you take to an extent.

I’m able to pull from the various interests I surround myself with. Music, TV, film, comedy, animation, contemporary art, photographers, etc.

Collaboration

I foolishly started my transition to advertising was going to be straight forward because my creative spirit gave me a false confidence. My old thoughts were:

I know what good writing is, maybe I can do copy myself.

I care enough about aesthetics, so I can create all these ads myself

NOPE. I may have a good idea. Maybe a B at best, but without anyone to check me on it, I’m speaking to myself and patting myself on the back for creating an OK ad.

I thrive on collaboration because I recognize that my initial ideas are essentially that: a beginning to an end. It’s not the idea until my team builds on it.

Passion

I’m part of the great American resignation knowing that my creativity was in an unhealthy place as a teacher.

Creating something with a team, especially a team with a budget and talent to create assets is incredibly exciting to me and I'm excited to start.

I wrote this post after a pretty big falling out with a friend I lost contact with. I had no idea how much my absence in her life affected her on top of the other things in her life stressing her out.

I'm sorry that it happened.

But I have no idea how to focus on myself, without well...dedicating myself to learning the craft at all times?

I'm still sorry it happened.

#artdirection #Youtube

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agentofscifi · 3 years ago

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Success is the Best Kind of Revenge Ch. 3

Heels click onto the floor of my office as Chloe pushes open my doors. My hands were currently holding up the train of a dress hung on Juleka. Alix follows after Chloe, tinkering with some kind of camera in her hand. Over the years, as we all graduated from University and done pretty well for ourselves.

Juleka ended up changing her major in school after three semesters. Instead of going into performing arts for instruments, she went and got a composition degree. Juleka wrote music for a variety of artists and was one of the most sought-after songwriters. When she wasn’t doing all of that, she was modeling for my company. Juleka did a variety of photoshoots for several companies, mine included throughout her University Years. After I opened up my first few stores, we signed a formal contract. She’d been working for me for almost a decade. She split her time between Paris and Nashville in America.

Alix decides to focus on a degree in art history. She worked at an Auction House company in Paris, moving between the various countries of Europe to authenticate pieces of art and then handle their sales. She was rather successful at her work, earning many bonuses for rather extremely successful sales. Alix’s unique style and comfortable professionalism made her easily approachable to buyings. She was rather blunt, and it did her well in her job. On her off-hours, Alix did some minor modeling and promoting much of my athletic pieces. Alix’s popularity grew as she competed in several X-Games in and after university. She won several titles in skateboarding, BMX freestyling, rollerskating, and snowboarding before retiring after a slip-up when snowboarding. She shattered her kneecap, broke a leg, her collarbone, and dislocated her arm in two places. She still did BMX biking, skateboarding, rollerblading, and snowboarding, just not in a professional capacity. That being said, little kids still asked for her autographs all the time.

Chloe graduated from the London Business School with Honors and then proceeded to attend the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York to get a Graduate Degree in Global Fashion Management. She modeled some of my designs, worked connections, handled all my brand’s social media accounts, and finalized contracts. Now, she had several people working underneath her, to handle the day-to-day operations. Either way, Chloe handled all of the Brand’s business dealings and flourishes.

As for me, I attend the London College of Fashion. I got a Bachelor’s Degree in Fashion Design and Development with honors. After those years, I went to Milan to attend Istituto Marangoni International for a Master’s Degree in Luxury Accessories Design & Management. After that, I relocated back to Paris. My first boutique opened up quickly after that along with a small factory with a loan from a bank. I ended up having to open a second factory within three months due to demands. More boutiques opened up worldwide as the Brand became a household name.

“Hello Chloe, how is everything?”

“We got invitations to a reunion for Lycée. Alya sent them, as she was the class representative when we all graduated. Personally, I think she wants to get her hands on you or Juleka for an interview. You know her journalism career is in the gutter.”

Alix snorts. “And who’s fault is that?”

Chloe rolls her eyes. “Her’s. The idiot ruined her blog when she was a teenager and she never changed. She still does idiotic and frankly dangerous things to get a scoop. Sure, she does some basic research now, but the girl’s been detained several times for endangering people and disrupting the peace. No University would touch her, and no place will hire her.”

Alix looks up from the camera. “So, you didn’t inform everyone in the fashion journalism world about her history, knowing it would spread to all major news and journalism networks.

Chloe raises an eyebrow. “Look, this company’s image is important. I was not going to let Miss Blogger ruin it for 15 minutes of fame. She dug her own grave.”

I sigh. “This is great and all, but are you all going?”

There’s a snort right behind me. “Not on any of our lives. We will not be sinking that low.”

“Chloe!” Juleka’s face is red and slightly scandalized.

“What? Why would we go to this reunion? To see how everyone is doing? It’s rather simple. Alya’s a tabloid writer. Nino is a barely successful DJ who works at a music store to help pay his bills. Max is an IT guy at a company. That fake research paper haunts him to this day. Kim works at a gym. The drugs screwed his athletic chances over and he never planned for anything beyond going to the Olympics. Nathaniel works at an art store and does nighttime classes. He’s unsuccessfully worked with 7 different writers for his comics after leaving Marc.

Now, Myléne and Ivan are happy, at least. Myléne works as a secretary and Ivan as a grocery store manager. Both are part-time so one of them can stay home with their kids at a time. They have millions of photos of their family on their Instagram accounts. Neither one can do much with charities. The fraud they committed was spread around the charity communities fast.

Rose, Adrien, and Sabrina are the only ones who did what they wanted to do. Rose had a few years of fame with her music before getting married and settling down as a youth music teacher. Adrien moved to America and works for a University. However, I know for a fact that he will not be returning to Paris for anything less than a funeral or a wedding. As for Sabrina, after some therapy, ended up as a Detective in Marseille.”

“Didn’t you pay for her therapy?” I tie off my last stitch and let the train fall to the platform.

Chloe purses her lips. “I owed her that much. I screwed her childhood up, majorly.”

“Did you stalk everyone to find out all of this?” Alix has a mischievous look.

Another eye roll from Chloe. “I didn’t need to. In this day and age, all you need to do is type their name into the internet and all of their social media pops up.”

I hum. “What about Lila?”

“She’s still in prison. Tried another appeal a little while ago, to no avail. Her long list of offenses and the “assisting a terrorist” change isn’t something any judge would want to touch, even with a 10 ft pole.”

Juleka simply shrugs. “Back to the point at hand. I’m not going to this reunion. Rose is the only one I wanted to keep in contact with, and she’s not going. It’s her five-year anniversary with her husband. She’s going to Spain that week.”

Alix shugs. “I’m not going either. Kim has tried to contact me so many times to help him get back into the sports world. I am not giving him another chance. Besides, there’s this huge auction going on in Russia for that week. I am not missing that for a few hours with our childhood classmates.”

I look at Chloe. She raises a perfect eyebrow. “Not a chance and you are not going either. Heavens forbid Alya posts something on that new blog of hers.”

I set my needle and thread down on a work table and gesture to Juleka to get changed. “I’m not going if none of you are. Besides, there’s this fashion show in Milan that weekend. It’s for freshly graduated designers to show off their talents to possible employers. I was planning to go to find some who would specialize in Fashion Contour. I’ve been doing quite a bit of work in that field and want to get a fresh pair of eyes that will eventually take over that area of our brand. I was also hoping to look for someone to start a Make-up department. One of your people mentioned the idea at a meeting.”

Chloe nods and starts to type into her phone. “I’ll tell my assistant to look through the applications we have to see if anyone fulfills the requirements for that job. Just find that new department head.”

I give Chloe a nod as Juleka hands me the dress from before. A custom-made wedding dress for a woman who happened to be Juleka’s exact size. One of the many I had made of the years since I’d started my fashion business.

Some part of me wanted to thank Lila. If I was honest with myself, I wouldn’t be where I was if she hadn’t arrived at my class and taken everyone’s loyalty. They weren’t bad people, but thanks to Ms. Bustier, they were a drain on my energy and abilities. Now, however, I was one of the most well-known and successful fashion designers with over two dozen people for me in Design. I could not be happier.

Ch. 1 ~~~~~ Ch. 2

#alya salt #lila salt #miraculous ladybug #marinette deserves better #bustier salt #lila is exposed #success is the best kind of revenge #ml salt

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kvtes · 3 years ago

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If you could switch careers right now, would you take that opportunity? What would you switch to?

i have never in my life had a dream job or career. i tried so hard in my early 20s to try and find a career path that was enticing to me, but none of my ideas felt true to who i am. i was — by no means — looking for a job to satisfy me or making me completely happy, because i don't believe that's in the cards for me.

the things that have always brought me the most joy had nothing to do with work, so i just decided that work would be a place i'd go to pay my bills. i do believe i have a gift with working with kids and i don't dread working with kids, so that's the route i've taken. i reeeeally love the kids i work with right now (have been at the same place for just under four years), so i currently have no plans to leave.

i am not at all saying that you cannot feel fulfilled by a job or workplace! this is simply my experience.

#personal #anonymous

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drivingsideways · 4 years ago

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in search of a better dream

This is about three pieces of South Korean media that crossed my path recently: the dramas Search WWW and Flower of Evil, and the novel Kim Ji Young, Born 1982.

Disclaimer and context : I'm not Korean, I don't speak the language, and I've watched a very limited set of kdramas. The criticisms I make in this piece are not to single out kdramas, or kdrama fandom, as what I've described exists in Western and other Asian media and fandoms as well.

Under the cut for length:

There's a scene in the first episode of the hit 2020 k-drama "Flower of Evil" that made me want to quit watching the show within the first ten minutes. The scene goes like this: our protagonists, Cha Ji Won and Baek Hee Seung meet Baek Hee Seung's parents along with their four year old daughter. The occasion is Baek Hee Seung's birthday, and loving wife Cha Ji Won has set up a special birthday dinner for them. On the way to the restaurant, the daughter has already complained about how she's scared of her grandparents, and they don't like her. When we meet the grandparents, we see the truth of this- they are as cold as the Arctic to all three, but especially to their daughter-in-law and granddaughter. In a bid to smooth out the social awkwardness, Cha Ji Won instructs her daughter to greet her grandparents the way they had "practiced" earlier- a cutesy little greeting where the adorable Eun-ha makes a heart over her head and chirps "I love you grandma and grandpa". When this fails to soften them, Eun-ha retreats, looking scared and disappointed. Not to worry, Cha Ji Won has this completely figured out: if you try harder, she tells her four year old daughter, they'll eventually love you.

Reader, I was, as they say, mad.

We find out soon enough that this stellar bit of parenting follows from an abiding principle in Cha Ji Won's life. Her romance with Baek Hee Seung starts when a handsome oppa walks into the family store, and is a saga of her stalking and pursuing a man who repeatedly tells her he's not interested, until he finally gives in. The power of her persistence pays off when the emotionally distant and abrasive man, in a classic beauty-and-the-beast transition, becomes a loving boyfriend, and then later, husband and father. It's a fantasy- some might even say feminist fantasy come true- he's handsome, supportive, reliable, artistic, the primary housekeeper and caretaker of their daughter while she pursues her demanding "dream" job as a police officer, and they have enough money to live in a charming and lovingly set up two-storeyed house in ruinously expensive Seoul. This is heterosexual female wish fulfilment at its peak, and it is all made possible because she persevered.

It all threatens to come apart with the discovery of the perfect man's dark past- for a brief period, she's forced to contemplate the idea that he's actually a serial killer who's conned her for the entirety of their relationship of fourteen years; that the perfect life was, in fact, a lie.

However, since this is written and billed as romance melodrama, this horror is short-lived. As the story progresses through increasingly improbable, violent and sometimes downright hilarious twists and turns, we grow closer to the (inevitable) happy ending. Baek Hee Seung/ Do Hyun Soo is no killer, just a traumatized child with a horrific past. The lies are the result of psychological damage inflicted by a society that unfairly deemed him a monster; the cage of repressed emotions that he'd locked himself in needed only the unshakeable conviction of Cha Ji Won's love to be broken open. "I wish you could see yourself as I see you" she tells him, in one of the show's endless supply of tearfully emotional moments, "I wish you could understand yourself the way I understand you."

This framework continues right to the end, when a bout of short term amnesia (!!) has Do Hyun Soo questioning himself and her: do you know, he asks her, when I'm lying to you, and when I'm not, because I don't. The show answers that almost immediately- it doesn't matter, because it's her vision of him that he wants to be; in other words, he chooses the version of himself that she wants. The horror of the lie was a red herring, Cha Ji Won was right from the start about her husband- all it took was the power of her love and her perseverance to overcome the lie at the heart of her marriage, to restore it to its previous shape- quite literally. The dream house they built together, which was destroyed by the villain, is shown in the last shots as unchanged from how it was in the beginning. One of the last shots we have of the couple is of them kissing in the artisan husband's workshop, an almost perfect recreation of the first time we see them. Paradise Regained, and all of us- and Cha Ji Won- can breathe a sigh of relief. You, the twenty-first century woman, are the architect of your own fantasy and can have it all. What could be more powerful than that?

In Kim Ji Young, Born 1982 , a novel published in 2016, and often credited with kickstarting a new conversation about feminism in South Korea, the eponymous protagonist's story is also one of perseverance. It's a starkly written tale, an everywoman tale, a dryly narrated fact finding mission report complete with citations and references, about a woman born in the late twentieth century into a rigidly patriarchal culture, whose very existence is an aberration- her parents didn’t opt for a sex-selective abortion unlike many of their contemporaries when they found that their second child would also be a girl. Kim Ji Young, like the rest of us, grows up immersed in a misogynist culture. Even before she understands it, she learns to work around it and through it, rationalizing the micro-aggressions, burying the anger at the casual and institutional sexism that permeates her life, compromising and coping with it all, and achieving some semblance of having it all: a job, a decent, loving husband, a child. However, it's when motherhood arrives that it all falls apart- Kim Ji Young, faced with the exhausting carework of having a baby at home and another regular, full time job, does what so many women in her position do- quits her "outside" job for her parenting one. Fighting exhaustion and depression, a casually cruel and misogynist remark from a stranger in a park proves to be the proverbial final straw; Kim Ji Young suffers a mental breakdown, dissociating herself completely from her own life, and "seamlessly, flawlessly" taking on the personalities of other women she's known- her mother, her friend, her colleague. The novel ends with a narrative twist that's both horrifying and appropriate: we learn that our narrator is actually her male psychiatrist. Kim Ji Young doesn't even get to be the voice of her own story; instead, it is told by a man cocooned in his own privilege, who displays the same paternalistic and misogynist behaviour that he correctly identified as the cause of her breakdown.

There is no escape here for Kim Ji Young save that of a complete break from reality. In the light of the narrative that leads her to that point, it feels both inevitable and even more horrifically, a blessing. This is a horror story told as it is shorn of any hope; the ending is death or insanity.

Reading Kim Ji Young, Born 1982 was to confront the familiar and heart-breaking and horrific neatly distilled into 200 odd pages; it's "fiction", but not really. My only surprise was how similar the culture described there was to my own in specifics; how incidents in Kim Ji Young's life were things I had actually experienced myself or seen other women experience, in a country several thousand miles away.

I read this novel just after watching the 2019's Search WWW, a show with a bit of a cult following, I think. Before I started watching it, one friend assured me that I would love it, that it was made for me; another said that she dropped it because it "rang false" to her at the time. I've seen the show described several times as a feminist power fantasy, sometimes, if the reviewer wanted to demean it, with the qualifier, unrealistic.

This seemed an odd sort of criticism to me- after all, who turns to k-drama romances or really, any romance, for realism? Female wish fulfilment, which is the cornerstone of romance as a genre, whether in books or film, is still written and recognized as fantasy. So what was particularly unreal about Search WWW?

Well, simply put, it is written like the patriarchy doesn't matter, and has never existed.

The three female protagonists are all in their thirties, in powerful positions in their careers. As such, they are constantly walking into meetings where women speak more than 33% of the time. There are men in the room, but they never outnumber the women, and they don't silence the women.

The interests and decisions and choices of women in the show- even the lead antagonist, who is an older woman whom we often see casually making beefy young men pose nude for her paintings- matter, not just to domestic and private realms, but to society at large; the antagonist is a power broker whose reach goes right up to the highest echelons of the country's politics; the younger women's ethical choices directly affect the republic's functioning as a democracy.

What about the men? It's not that they've been ignored; it's just that their place in the narrative has been decentered. Do with that what you will, the writer seems to say, as she writes in speaking roles for women wherever possible—every second side character is a woman— I have no time or inclination to justify that choice.

As for romance- it's not just that two of the three romances fall into the "noona romance" category, which is subversive in itself. It's that the power of decision making in these relationships clearly rests with the women.

In the "main" romance track, in a reversal of the usual trope, the woman is the one who is emotionally unavailable, and whom the man has to convince to take a chance on their relationship. What was hugely refreshing was that the reason for her emotional unavailability isn't trauma, that the man has to help her heal from, unlike the gender reversed versions we often see, eg in Flower of Evil. Instead, it's a difference in perspective that has its roots in the years of experience she has compared to him; it's the difference in life perspective of a twenty something man, and an almost-40 woman. She considers the implications and possibilities of entering into a relationship with a man who wants marriage and kids, while she doesn't want either and is unlikely to want them in the future. She thinks through it, and sees the pitfalls of it, perhaps all too clearly. In the end, when she makes a decision to commit, it's with the understanding that she's choosing to live in the moment, that he makes her happy; that they make each other happy and it is worth something, even if it doesn't last. But both of them understand that her happiness is not centered in him or their relationship being successful. The other two romances end on a similarly open note- the possibility of love with the man you just divorced, but there's no hurry to get there; and a long distance relationship that may or may not last the two years of military conscription the man has to undergo.

The happily ever after in this series is not the perfect heterosexual family unit; it was always going to be the complicated, thorny and intense queerplatonic relationship between the three women, who, in the end, literally drive off along an endless open road under a blue, blue sky, to "a place with no red lights", as one of them describes it.

For a week after watching Search WWW, I wandered around in a daze. How did this show get written, I kept asking myself? How did it get produced? Aired??? What magic was worked to put it in my eyeballs, and how can it keep happening?

That feeling intensified when I read Kim Ji Young, Born 1982. But the book also provided the answer, at least to the first question. Because it is Kim Ji Young's voice in Search WWW. This is the fantasy that Kim Ji Young would have wanted to live in; a society and a life where she's seen as a person, entire, and it's not something she has to fight every day for. The gigantic leap of imagination that the writer of Search WWW took was only because that fantasy has been yearned for, in a way only a person growing up in Kim Ji Young's world- our world- could.

"Flower of Evil"- and other dramas like it— are also, undeniably, products of this world. It's unsurprising to me that in many ways, Cha Ji Won's little fantasy domestic world in Flower of Evil, on the surface, looks exactly like a post-feminist world. If the real revolution is men doing housework and childcare, then that fantasy has already been achieved on the individual level for Cha Ji Won. Sure, she's the only female member on her squad, and maybe the entire police force, for all you see women in her workplace. Sure, the other female characters with speaking roles exist mostly to be tortured for manpain by the narrative or literally by men as part of the plot. She seems to have no friends outside of work, which means that all her friends are men. As for relationships with other women, except her mother, who exists mostly to share the burden of childcare, and her mom-in- law who turns out to be an evil sort herself, there are none. When she meets her sister-in-law, the entire scene gives off a strange catfight vibe- her sister in law is the only other woman who can legitimately be said to have a claim on knowing the real Do Hyun Soo, and Cha Ji Won's reaction is to deny that claim and tell her to buzz off, basically. "I'm his family now" she tells her sister in law, "He has a wife"; firmly establishing the primacy of a heterosexual romantic relationship over all others.

Her "dream" job means nothing much despite the work she has put in to get it; for most part of the narrative she ends up betraying every professional ethic and her squad- her only friends. Of course, she is easily forgiven for it, without doing any of the work to earn that forgiveness, but that's really because who has the narrative time to develop those relationships which do not matter, like her work, which is shown up for the narrative prop it is, just like her daughter? Even her sociopath (but not really, poor baby) husband ends the series with a tentative sort of friendship with a person he's not married to, but not Cha Ji Won, whose entire world by the end of the series has narrowed down to the four walls of her perfect little house and her perfectly-rescued husband. "I can't be happy if he's not happy," she tells her mother, who suggests that maybe it's time she let go of her not-so-perfect husband. "So please accept him."

In the end, the fantasy is based on this : self-improvement as the winning strategy, not structural change. Try hard enough and you'll get what you want. In the fine print, easily ignored: as long as what you want falls within the bounds of heteronormative patriarchal standards. It's an attitude that is passed down to the next generation; Cha Ji Won's early conversation with her daughter is an example.

The writer's vision is clear- what could have been an interesting and intimate look at our deepest fears in a relationship- that the other person will see us for who we are and horror-struck, leave; or even a deconstruction of the heterosexual woman's fantasy of The Perfect Man, is instead a tired repetition of the Beauty-and-the-Beast trope. You can dress it up and put a gun-toting, career woman wig on it, but that disguise falls apart pretty quickly. Cha Ji Won openly states not once, but several times, that she would rather live the comfortable lie; it's only when even that isn't an option- and not because of her choice or agency, but circumstances and the man coming to a decision, that she begins to let go. But only for a little while- barely ten minutes in show time- because ultimately, this is a female wish fulfilment fantasy, isn't it? Her longsuffering perseverance is rewarded when he decides to mould himself to her fantasy version of him, and the past is erased, and time reset, complete with soft lighting and soaring soundtrack.

Some love stories are horror stories, but others are horror stories masquerading as love stories. Why are we so often sold the latter, and so accepting of the narrative gaslighting? When I look at the popularity of Search WWW vs Flower of Evil, I feel bitter despair and quite a lot of anger. Why do so many women- and it is women, who are producing this work, for women, primarily (I mean, romance, as a genre)- settle for so little? It's the twenty first century, I think, why are we still here, I rage, gnashing my teeth, and indulging in the vicious satisfaction of giving Flower of Evil a single star rating that will make not a dent in its popularity. If we can't demand and aspire to a better class of fantasy, what hope do we have? As you dream, so you will do.

I often think that these days feminism is made toothless because we're shaping it into something that will validate every little feeling of ours; we don't want to be made uncomfortable by it. But feminism is not meant to make anyone comfortable; interrogating your own desires and pleasures is as much a part of smashing the patriarchy as fighting for fundamental human rights like bodily autonomy.

I guess, in the end, what I want to say is this: for the love of sanity, dream better.

#flower of evil #search: www #kim ji young born 1982 #unpopular opinions cw

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personalcoachingcenter · 3 years ago

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Research Paper: The Importance of Purpose

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/research-paper-the-importance-of-purpose/

Research Paper: The Importance of Purpose

Research Paper By Mark Bishop (Executive Coach, UNITED STATES)

Introduction

As I developed both my coaching model and power tool for the certified coaching program at ICA, I spent a good deal of time considering the importance of purpose in life and leadership. In my experience, many people go through jobs, companies, and careers based merely on what opportunities; roles, companies, or assignments; come available and without sufficient consideration of what makes them happy.

I’ve seen many colleagues pursue opportunities because they felt it might be a good career move, without regard to what they enjoy doing and how they want to contribute. We spend an inordinate amount of time in our working environment; it amounts to more than 13 years of the total lifespan for most adults. With that much significance on our working environment, it pays to focus on what makes us happy at work and try to maximize that feeling as much as we can over those 13 years!

With this thought in mind, I set about to research the importance of having a purpose or understanding one’s purpose. My thinking initially was that we each have one singular purpose in our lives. My research led me to understand that our purpose can, and often does, change over the course of our life. Circumstances in our lives, in our careers, or in the world, influence our purpose. A world pandemic, for example, could certainly impact our thoughts on purpose. My research is centered on the importance of purpose applied to the professional world as I develop my skills as a leadership coach. Of course, much of the research can easily be applied to other aspects of our lives.

What is the purpose?

Merriam-Webster defines the word purpose as:

to propose as an aim to oneself

a subject under discussion or an action in course of execution

to propose as an aim to oneself

It includes the following synonyms:

Intention, resolution, determination, ambition, aspiration, dream, goal, objective

It is worth noting that missing from these definitions and synonyms are words like an opportunity, circumstance, good fortune, coincidence, or fate. This implies that purpose is decided, directed, and intentional. At Berkley’s, Greater Good Magazine, they remind us that “to psychologists, the purpose is an abiding intention to achieve a long-term goal that is both personally meaningful and makes a positive mark on the world.” Having a purpose is something that is meaningful to us and has a positive impact on others. It is the accumulation of a series of actions and events that occur over time, an expedition across time with a point on the horizon as our compass. For those with an identified purpose, that journey is in a specific direction and less subject to circumstance.

Why is purpose important?

Research suggests that having a sense of purpose, having a mission in life, having a reason behind your decisions and actions can actually lead to a longer, healthier life.

“Having a purpose in life has been cited consistently as an indicator of healthy aging for several reasons, including its potential for reducing mortality risk. In the current study, we sought to extend previous findings by examining whether purpose in life promotes longevity across the adult years, using data from the longitudinal Midlife in the United States (MIDUS) sample. Proportional-hazards models demonstrated that purposeful individuals lived longer than their counterparts did during the 14 years after the baseline assessment, even when controlling for other markers of psychological and affective well-being.

Moreover, these longevity benefits did not appear to be conditional on the participants’ age, how long they lived during the follow-up period, or whether they had retired from the workforce. In other words, having a purpose in life appears to widely buffer against mortality risk across the adult years.” (Hill &Turiano, 2014)

In addition to living longer, there is evidence to suggest that people with a high level of purpose are physically healthier, more likely to take care of themselves, and have lower stress levels than people without a strong sense of purpose. (Berkley.edu)

If being healthier and living longer isn’t reason enough to seek out a clearer understanding of our purpose, there is evidence to suggest that knowing one’s purpose can lead to better financial success and decision making.

“This sense of purpose was also found to translate into greater financial success. The study found that people with this clear sense of purpose in life were much more likely to make financial decisions that support these longer-term, downstream goals rather than squandering their resources on short-term and impulsive decisions.” (Krapivin, 2019)

If living longer, being healthier, and being more financially sound still fails to motivate us, maybe having a greater impact on our work environment will push us over the edge to pursue an understanding of our purpose.

“This is where purpose comes in. Simply put, having a sense of purpose in your job means that you feel that your work makes positive contributions to the world, beyond earning yourself a paycheck or improving your company’s bottom line—you feel a commitment to something bigger than yourself.” (Wolfe, 2015)

The significance of managers who have a sense of purpose goes beyond the manager and extends to the employees who work for them.

“The report quite clearly shows that employees tend to be both happier at work and more productive when they are being led by managers who have this clear sense of purpose, with those fortunate employees more likely to put in an extra effort and less likely to quit their jobs.” (Krapivin, 2019)

Having a sense of purpose makes us better leaders. Authentic leaders have a sense of purpose, knowing what they are about and where they are headed. “Purpose manifests itself as passion. Passionate people are interested in what they are doing, are inspired and intrinsically motivated, and care about the work they are doing.” (Northouse, 2017).

Understand their leadership purpose so they can align people around a common purpose. Purpose defines the unique gifts people bring to leadership challenges, through which they can align others with their purposes to create a positive impact. This is far more important than focusing entirely on achieving success in metrics like money, fame, and power, yet ultimately produces sustained success in those metrics as well. (George, 2011)

Burning Platform vs. Burning Ambition

So many of the people I have worked alongside over my career are running from one crisis to the next. They are constantly putting out fires and fixing problems. This behavior is all too often rewarded in the corporate world. These people are seen as heroes, as ‘go-getters,’ as problem solvers. While the notion of a burning platform will tend to get people motivated to act, it is not a healthy or sustainable motivator. Reacting to an emergency stimulates adrenalin and anxiety, neither of which are conducive to clear, rational, creative thinking.

“In the world of burning platforms, there are way too many pyromaniacs.” (Fuda, 2018)

Burning ambitions provide greater, more sustainable motivation. If you are running away from something, you aren’t looking at a map. If you are running towards something on the horizon, you are much more likely to use a map to guide your way. Jim Collins, in his book, Good to Great (2001), calls the ‘burning platform’ a myth of current management practice and further claims they are destructive behaviors, often leading to a pattern of failure he calls the doom loop. “Aspiration is a far more important motivator; sustainable change requires the fire of a burning ambition.” (Fuda, 2018)

Reflections

In leadership coaching, we are not only focused on the leader as an individual but on their effectiveness in leading others to successful outcomes. Research shows that employees are happier and more productive when they are led by managers who have a clear sense of purpose. This research also reveals that only 20% of managers consider themselves purposeful leaders. (Krapivin, 2019)

In many organizations, there is a strong priority placed on positions of authority and influence. These are often measured by the team’s size, the budget managed, and other visible gauges. The status of a leader is often incorrectly measured by these criteria. The larger the group, budget, or office, the greater the leader is thought to be. These are inaccurate measures of effective leadership. It is this perception that often drives individuals to seek these positions, even though attaining these roles may not bring fulfillment.

I have seen this many times in my years in Human Resources; the desire for a job title, an office, or to manage more people, drives decisions and actions that are not necessarily consistent with the client’s purpose. This tension begins to create dissatisfaction and discontent, which often leads to poor performance or disengagement. As a coach, do not underestimate the drive for these trappings and how much this can influence the client’s decisions. I have worked with many leaders that do not feel joy or excitement in dealing with large teams, yet they hold onto these teams with a fierce grip.

Bill George, former CEO of Medtronic and current professor at Harvard Business School, says

“Before anyone takes on a leadership role, they should ask themselves, ‘Why do I want to lead?’ and ‘What’s the purpose of my leadership?’”According to George, if the answer to those questions lies in power, prestige, and position, there is a risk that internal desires and purpose may go unsatisfied. He believes that while these are not inherently wrong with these objectives so long as they are tied back to the individual’s inner purpose. (George, 2011)

A helpful activity is to work with the client to define a purpose statement. This is a brief written description of the client’s purpose that can be used for periodic reflection, for guiding decisions, and for grounding the client’s ambitions. Keeping this nearby, your client can refer to this when making decisions. It can also be revisited when circumstances change, or life events occur that might influence the client’s outlook on their purpose. Explore with the client the meaningful moments in their lives that continue to inspire them, that fulfill them, that give them delight.

Getting to understand purpose can be done on a micro basis – exploring activities, accomplishments, and behaviors that the client enjoys and finds rewarding, then reflecting on why these activities bring joy and how to translate that into purpose.

It can also be done on a macro basis – exploring seminal moments in the client’s life that define who they are and what they enjoy. Similarly, this can be translated into defining the client’s purpose.

The desire for a certain position in an organization can be a false trail to professional happiness and engagement. However, for most clients, it can be a highly rewarding outcome to discover and define the client’s purpose to guide career ambitions. The client may have the same career ambitions after clarifying their purpose; however, the basis for them becomes clearer. In some cases, the client may recognize their ambitions have been misplaced. In either case, knowing their purpose enables the client to begin translating it into excelling in their position.

While our purpose may evolve and change over time, having a clear understating of our purpose is likely to lead to a healthier, longer, more financially successful life where we are more satisfied with the work we do, and we make better leaders.

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how to live. Friedrich Nietzsche

References

Bill George, June 2011. “Why Leaders Lose Their Way”. Harvard Business Review.

Bill George, July 2016. “The Truth About Authentic Leaders.”Harvard Business Review.

Pavel Krapivin, January 2019. “The Financial Value Of Having A Purpose In Your Life”. Forbes

Brad Wolfe, March 2015. “Can Higher Purpose Help Your Team Survive and Thrive? A conversation with Twitter’s Niki Lustig about how the social media giant fosters a sense of purpose among their employees.” Midful.org

Neil Si-Jia Zhang, August 2014. “Can Purpose Keep You Alive?” Greater Good Magazine, Greatergood.berckley.edu

Patrick L. Hill, Nicholas A. Turiano, May 2014. “Purpose in Life as a Predictor of Mortality Across Adulthood.”Psychological Science.

Peter Northhouse, 2016. “Leadership: Theory and Practice.” Sage Publications.

Dr. Peter Fuda, 2018. “From Burning Platform to Burning Ambition.”www.peterfuda.com

Jon M. Jachimowicz, October 2019.”3 Reasons it’s So Hard to Follow Your Passion”. Harvard Business Review

Original source: https://coachcampus.com/coach-portfolios/research-papers/mark-bishop-importance-of-purpose/

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solarianvoidthearoace · 4 years ago

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Excerpt#3 from my JonGerry AU WiP

CN/TW: smoking mention, disclosure of finances, discussion of sleep-overs, relationship negotiations, explanation of heteronormativity and amatonormativity, gender coming-out (sort of?), fond insults/banter

Still, Gerry cringed a bit,

“I suppose I have to apologise for not telling you…?”, he winced,

“I mean you couldn’t have known and… looking back it does feel like sort of misleading you, I mean all you knew was that I work two jobs.” They buried his face into Jon’s chest. Instead of commenting, he simply patted their hair, holding Gerry close and letting him be dramatic for a minute.

“Well, that does explain your insistence to pay whenever we are out together”, Martin spoke up after a minute,

“I noticed you even occasionally snatched the bill when Jon or I mentioned inviting us others.” Gerry slowly looked up,

“Well, yes. I can’t imagine you floating in money. I grew up working in a bookshop after all and it only really build a financial buffer after I sold it all to collectors. And Jon mentioned his overtime going unpaid more often than not. Plus it’s just nice to know I can do that for you without having to make cuts on anything. Only thing I really want to cut on is smoking, but that’s an intervention for another day, yea?” They gave Jon a gentle squeeze around the waist. He was still reluctant to let them go but did move onto the armrest of the armchair instead.

Despite Gerry’s reluctance, the three of them did talk a bit more about his finances, something he had glossed over when clueing Jon in about his art career. After some more reassurances that they won’t see Gerry in a different light, they let the evening end. Seeing Martin off at Gerry’s doorstep was weird, in Jon’s opinion. But turning around and knowing he was with Gerry to stay had him almost glowing.

“Home is where the heart is”, Gerry smiled, gently cupping Jon’s chin,

“Seems like I finally get both in one place.” Blushing, Jon looked down,

“It’s not like…”, he suddenly thought better of it, biting his lip. A gentle brush of Gerry’s thumb against his bottom lip, light nudging of their fingers under his chin, had him look up again.

“Not like what, doll?” He relented with a sigh, his exhale ghosting over Gerry’s hand,

“It’s not like I never called you my home before.” A warm shiver ran down Gerry’s spine, making them wrap their free arm around Jon and pulling him in. Instead of a kiss, which would have been so easy with the way they still held his chin up, Gerry rested their foreheads together,

“Welcome Home, then.”

Gerry had been right, though. With Jon no longer having an apartment of his own, Martin spend the occasional afternoon at their now shared flat. He didn’t really mind, they weren’t exactly friends with Martin themself but the man was nice to spend time with, even shy as he still was around them.

Besides, due to Gerry’s admittedly haphazard working hours without any structure or obvious sense to them - something Jon had called him out on multiple times before moving in - he always had an excuse to leave Martin and Jon in favour of working on his art.

Which was the thing responsible for his discombobulated working and waking hours, mostly. Gerry could admit to themself, that the secondary job at the bar was mostly to keep a somewhat steady life rhythm while adhering to his own night owl inclinations.

Between Jon’s nine-to-five, the overtime he often threw in on top, and neither of them needing to cling together every hour of their free time, it was nice. Maybe a bit more companionable than what other people would consider a romantic relationship, but they always had been liberal and somewhat alternative when it came to their life choices.

Which all is rather winded to say Gerry didn’t care that Martin picked Jon up on a Saturday morning. It was Martin who seemed bothered by it.

“And it‘s really okay with you if Jon stays with me from time to time?”, he was still wringing his hands over it. Gerry shrugged, leaning back against the kitchen counter and crossing his arms,

“Why shouldn’t it be? I’m the one he moved in with. Besides, it’s not like I ever was the type for heteronormative or amatonormative relationships in the first place.”

Martin’s brow furrowed, looking around in thought before his expression turned somewhat helpless,

“So, I know what heteronormative means, supposing every relationship ever has to imitate a hetero one with one partner needing to be feminine and the other masculine, clean-cut roles and divide into approximating that 40’s cliche of the obedient stay-at-home-wife.” He shuddered at the thought,

“But what’s amatonormative?“

Gerry pulled a face, lifting one hand to rub at his chin, elbow still resting where they had crossed his arms,

“Uh, m’kay, so…” He gestured, pulling a face in contemplation,

“It’s something asexual and aromantic people struggle most with, but basically it impacts anyone and everyone. It’s pretty much the belief that everyone needs exactly one monogamous romantic-sexual partnership as the end goal for their private life to count as fulfilled. So it does hurt anyone who doesn’t want to partner up for whatever reasons, as well.” They shrugged halfheartedly, waving his hands around a bit, before facepalming,

“Ugh, Jon is better explaining this, throwing in words like „sole focal point“ and „emotional hierarchy” and shit. Like, how it interplays with other relationships any one person has, society expecting them to prioritise their romantic partner with whom they obviously have to be sexually active, because society sucks.” They gave an exasperated eye-roll, huffing at the thought, before focusing back on Martin.

The man nodded slowly,

“I think I get it. So it also hurts anyone non-partnering, like you said, but also everyone non-monogamous, regardless whether the person is a-spec or allo. Huh, I have been participating in open or otherwise non-monogamous relationships for years and didn’t know we had that much in common with… I suppose primarily aromantic people.” He hummed a sort of affirmative noise, before blinking.

“It’s weird how many things impact a broad variety of people. Oh, that reminds me, how do you feel about gendered terms? I know I should have asked way sooner, but it honestly slipped my mind, I kind of just stuck with what Jon used for you. Like, which are okay?“ Standing more relaxed than earlier, their hands propped on the edge of the counter on either side of his hips, Gerry tilted his head. Some more of their hair spilling over that shoulder,

“I did already tell you I’m genderqueer, not a man and also not exactly trans-feminine. So as for how to refer to me, anything that’s fun”, they smirked, stroking the curtain of his hair back.

“I mostly go by what’s considered male terms, though. But among friends, as sparse as they are, I’d actually prefer everyone made an effort to remember I go by he/him as well as they/them pronouns. Even if I don’t exactly present that way, it is defining to me that I’m not actually a man. As opposed to you or Jon, who just doesn’t stick to gender connotations”, he couldn’t help his snort,

“Because where’s the fun in that anyway?”

Martin suddenly had a teasing glint in his eyes,

“So you’re Jon’s joyfriend?”, he smirked. Gerry raised a brow, fighting to hold back his own grin,

“Please, I’m always a joy to be around.” As he grinned back at Martin, there was a huff from the doorway,

“A significant bother is what you are”, Jon managed to get out halfway believably before softly smiling himself. Gerry’s expression changed, his eyebrow slowly raising while they gave Jon a sceptical once-over,

“Says the guy purposefully calling me Jared just to annoy me.” He scoffed, albeit smiling fondly,

“Love you too, Jon.“

“In my defense, I didn’t know of your name change then! I was just teasing because you were being a twerp.” The two of them were broken out of their bickering, before they really got going, when Martin let out a giddy squeal,

“You’re adorable!” After a short pause, Gerry faked an exasperated huff,

“There you go again, dipshit, ruining my reputation.” He had barely finished before he doubled over in giggles, which had Jon snicker as well. Calming down, they exchanged a fond look. The silence in the kitchen stretched, before Gerry pushed themself off the counter,

“Alright”, he gestured at shooing the other two out of the kitchen,

“Get going. I was promised a quiet Saturday. Take care, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, don’t don’t anything stupid, either, and remember your bedtime. Now shoo!”

It still wasn’t often that Jon spend the night at Martin’s, but occasionally Gerry had his bed all to themself for one night at a time again. But somehow word about Jon’s changed living situation got out. Which in turn lead to his colleagues asking about the “new guy” he had moved in with while still dating their common former colleague Martin. It took Gerry some days to figure out the leak but that didn’t exactly make it better.

Sasha, Gertrude’s assistant and second-in-command, had caught onto someone having moved in with Gerry, connecting the dots with their recently resurfaced boyfriend. In turn, Sasha happened to know a snitch by the name Timothy Stoker, who decided to spike the gossip at Jon’s work with this new knowledge. Gerry finally resigned himself to having to plan a small house warming party, when Daisy, his barkeeper colleague, asked about it.

It was quite frankly beyond them, how everyone from his and Jon’s social circles seamed to know one another all of a sudden. In hopes of at least inconveniencing some people, he talked to Jon about picking a date for the party at random.

Didn’t work out. Miraculously everyone had time, a ride, and was up to snoop into their respective acquaintance’s or colleague’s private living situation.

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sleepygyal · 4 years ago

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my dream job? absolutely nothing. I no longer wish to contribute to this capitalist society, I don’t wish to labor. I wish to simply be.

but since I got bills to pay, I guess I’ll try to convince myself that my choice of career will be a source of fulfillment and gratification

#the power of the mind they say

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theurbansquared · 4 years ago

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Guide To Avoiding A Loser Brokerage

by James Hill | theurbansquared

Brokers can be bastards and some even get better at it while other brokers are legitimate life-changing business Sherpas

A broker is supposed to guide you through a career in real estate much like a coach or pimp - offering protection and how to understand a complicated system better and direct it to revenue without getting your neck broke while playing the game. I created and ran the most well-reviewed, largest full-service brokerage in the fastest-growing city in America. This gave me access to nearly ever broker and their broker's pay structure and innovations. I also got the agent's version of my same broker buddies brokerages when they eventually joined my brokerage; hovering anywhere from 20–60 agents. Trending insider chatter has blame going to real estate brokers of decades past (and current) and how they’ve managed their agents - - letting unsupervised agents with no experience run wild on the streets practicing on the public wearing out Realtor love and making a need for all the Mountain Dew-made Zillow-y options that currently exist.

Brokers are out of touch more than ever with today’s current media load, having to understand and use social media platforms for their advertising (since the private Town & Country affair that real estate once was is forever over and the landscape is a bit more like a half Juggalo, half programmer flea market).

Let’s dive into some situations and tenets that most agents don’t consider when choosing a brokerage.

Sales Volume

This is a bit of negotiating psychology and due diligence. Simply ask how much sales they (the brokerage) did last year and how much they’re currently at. If they don’t know these numbers they’re goons. If they don’t give it, you guessed it - they’re hiding something; their lack of revenue. I’ve hired and fired hundreds of agents and in interviews so few ask this question but it’s one of the most important questions you can ask as an agent and you need the information. An agent that doesn’t ask this has already given a tell that they’re not a top producer since they’re not interested in the production capacity of the team they may join. No bueno. Creep the brokerage as well obvi -- reviews, FB & IG engagement and current running ads, and make sure the company Christmas Party isn’t catered by Chic-fil-a at a Burnet Road dive bar.

Office

40% of your learning and 350% of your work will be done at the office. Those numbers will make sense 90% of the time after a few years in real estate. The rest should be on the streets - your car, properties, driving 75 mph talking and sending out docs, gorging on breath mints. Office, home, tiny homes, motorhomes have all blended into one larger conversation where work/live ethos are all in re-definition.

But, when you do need a more savvy moment in any market when people talk about borrowing or selling something that’s over $100K they don’t want to hear some bullshit too loud pedantic conversation seated right next to them at Starbucks or the local kooky coffee shop. In real estate Murphy’s Law is always in effect. The super important listing sign off that has to go well and they want to hear you pitch again before deciding? There will be someone (at this super ‘caj’ coffee house meeting) there projectile vomiting, or throwing cats, or something else tiresome or bad that takes more calls.

Speech and body language are massive parts of sales so when the entire set is thrown because a barista is running through a whole Sublime album. You want the most inviting cool office you can ever pull off at any given moment in real estate . Was that ever a question? There's a balance -- you can't afford that year one or three, but it’s called real estate for a reason. Sexy, exciting buildings is what the brochure said when I joined. Also, it’s about style not size.

If you haven’t lost business to coffee house back pressure you really haven’t failed at agency properly.

Social IQ

Social reach is the only conversation now. Many brokerages won’t make it as the lead generating aspects of the industry aren't powered by a private MLS anyone and the publicly-hated ‘Realtor’ designation have both brokers and agents guessing about tomorrow. Calendars, best practices and free shitty tips & templates are the du jour of the day for anyone trying to get an agent's eyes. You can Google and get all the ‘basic’ social media dance steps, but with everyone at the same happy hunting spot, you’re being covered up, which leaves all your new artistic efforts fruitless and also squandering winning time.

Traffic, leads and engagement are all separate areas that have to be fulfilled properly and even this is in flux with historic corporations and current start ups all on the same advertising playing field. Social reach and engagement is about going to the consumer direct and becoming their friend with soft bribes -- free food, gifts, prizes (trips, events tickets) or industry work tools. The great news is, real estate has always been mostly consumer direct - start up a convoy at the grocery store (bar, church, meetup) and you’re in the car that weekend looking for houses with a new client. While you, your brokerage and the world are figuring out their exact social media mix, you need to make sure a brokerage isn’t lost on social media since many won’t be able to stay in business in the next few short years. Your brokerage needs to have a plan and and at best some presence on social media. Plus, they should be running low-cost performative marketing ad campaigns to get a feel for what and if set user groups are responding to ads. Anyone can post on IG but people engage on IG when they become inspired. A brokerage should have some sort of inspiration and relationship tied in with the local allure of their city -- or heading that direction.

Mentoring

Much like a neurotic buyer chasing an interest rate for their home mortgage (and then never buying a house) agents too focused on commission may miss the essential career need for mentoring -- for their clients and career. I had a 5 deal minimum for my new agents before they were ever unsupervised and received more commission. I've had new agents with celeb clients in hand and celeb agents with no clients in hand. No one wants to do business with someone with absolutely has no, experience but they do it because they like you as a friend or fam. Your mentor is the person riding shotgun with you at the beginning of your career. On many levels you want to be this person since they embody the position and role. You're literally and figuratively are borrowing experience from them and they deserve to be paid for it. You always have to strengthen your brand outside of your brokerage but if you don’t have any experience your brand doesn’t have ‘strength’ you simply have a logo and a drag & drop website where you're possibly talking about yourself and love of unicorns or football shit but the big boat deals you dream about in bed aren’t gotten this way. Remember, no unicorn could ever throw a football good without a lot of practice and a good mentor.

Support

Support in a brokerage is really communication and solutions for small problems, and systems for managing bigger ones with people. Most of the annoying things in real estate happen outside of the deal - contracts, calls, emails, docs, signatures, more docs. You typically want a super admin, broker, or agent manager that you can call and they pick up the phone. It’s pretty simple. With a mentor, admin, or broker you’re going to have a n 8:30 PM question or deal that’s going down. You’ll need printer help. Real estate always happens now (this was one of the main mantras in my office). Printing, prequal, weekend support and constant post dinner shenanigans.

Training

Meet Frank Miller, David Mamet, the Sex Pistols, Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Hendrix, Tom Hopkins, The World’s Greatest Detective and Conan The Barbarian. We had a lot of different inspirations for the style and ethos of our urban brokerage. The World’s Greatest Detective is Batman. It was a moniker that became popular in the seventies. We used this example about how important due diligence and proper Fact Finding techniques are for serving and closing deals for clients. (It’s almost essential to be inquisitive in real estate esp about property/development to have success). Training is largely your sales meeting(s). Although I don’t come from a car background I’ve mentored many car guys transferring to real estate (they typically are out of the industry within 2 years and are there only for boom markets). Car guys have meetings every morning 6 days a week and they’re not at 9 or 10 am. They’re already working.

free module: The Burger King Phenomena: Why Agents Do Less Working For Themselves Than If They Were Working At Burger King

Many brokerages have no training/meeting schedule (monthly doesn’t count -- that’s a meet and greet company pump and catch up meeting). If a brokerage doesn’t have training on a schedule then there is no training. You’ll possibly be thrown a 3-ring binder, or given some PDF’s, or links to old bizarre training videos or a soup sandwich of all three and sometimes even a bill for the training. An agent’s training/meetings and their attendance to them are the difference between an agent making it or not when you’re 24 months or less in the role as an agent especially in the fast turbulent waters of the current 2021 market where brokerage and agent purpose and pay are under attack. From my experience, new agents that hide die.

Media

Having a background as a creative director I’m aware with great detail of agency and brokerage media needs, the cost and time they extract, and the corresponding revenue they’re projected to bring back. Brokerages are looking for their purpose now as simply having a brokerage doesn’t bring in leads like it used to. This is fitting, since the digital dumbass brokers that that didn’t understand the importance of ‘the web’ rickshawed our MLS data and sold the agent/broker centric real estate system for their benefit while current agents are left with an empty greasy enough to-go box to curl up with. Brokerages were never media houses or ad agencies but now that consumer level graphic programs and website builders are ubiquitous and any agent after being licensed for 10 days can drag & drop a website up in 4 hours and make it look like a brokerage that’s been around for years. I know I’m going wide on the subject here but stay with me because this is the crux of where the industry and consumer are renegotiating roles.

A brokerage’s value proposition has changed drastically with the telecommute revolution that was only sped and strengthened by Covid. Also, generational knowledge base gaps in technology are more apparent than ever with technology as younger agents can often be more media savvy than their broker. The market is flooded with self appointed companies or gurus that are taking on the role of the classic ad agency (Mad Men) or media production house. Also beware of real estate coaches with little or no real estate experience offering to guide you in social media. Okay media can’t be used in apex situations (such as the luxury listings you’re after) and doesn’t draw apex listings. Beware of tapioca room temperature tips and general lists from companies that can appear informative but are really boilerplate low grade data to get your attention to ultimately upsell you on a paid service.

As an agent or a brokerage, consumer level graphic and website building programs can be a death ticket to your business as your competitors have the same tools and are cranking out the same type of style of messaging you are now. Now agents, principals, admins and in art class creating flyers. This has been done since the nineties as the valleys of dead agent careers is full of 2-day Microsoft Word (or any of their shitty office offerings) seshes to produce nasty flyers and presentations. These programs are fun and making bad flyers absolutely work related - the kind of work you don’t want’ related to your business because it’s adult crayon coloring. Activity does not equal production. Staying busy doing the wrong things doesn’t make money in real estate. Rather than spending agent winning time staying in the wrong lanes for way too long, get with a team or brokerage that are providing the most exceptional visual media you can find in your market. It used to be cool 2 years ago, now it’s the only thing that matters. Visual content.

free module: Better Agent Media, Less Agent Money (media tips and hacks).

Access

This is access to your broker. Brokers with families are typically less available. Your best bet as an agent is looking for a grinder broker who sleeps on the couch at their office. This person doesn’t have kids to build into so they’ll build into your career and you’ll get the most out of these brokers. Beware of cheesedick, apathetic, rich boy, bored brokers not around and more concerned with projects like a shitty vanity wine brand that their wife’s forced them to launch since she’s not living her best life anymore as an agent.

Style

What kind of style is your brokerage? Is there an opportunity to bring more style sophistication to the market -- standout in a smaller market? Or, are you in an ultra stylish market currently and butt hurt because you already have a little story about how you’re going to keep it real and be a Dockers wearing slob for eternity? The thing about style in agency is you always need to look like you can list a million dollar house. Oh, is it really that simple? Yes it is. You complicated it. Clients always care about their housing a little bit more than they care about your real estate career. They don’t have time to figure out why you’re wearing shoe styles from 7 years ago. Don’t make it hard for people to do business with you. If you’re ugly, even better. It can be a massive advantage. Everyone on the planet loves when someone who doesn’t fall into our general current ‘attractive’ spectrum doesn’t give af, looks great and puts themselves together in a stylish way that the viewer can understand (can I get away with Teen Wolf?). A great side benefit from this step in the right direction is it’s a great way to make someone who is conventionally attractive insecure.

You want to be in the same style as the people in your area but the secret is you need to lead that style pack if you can -- you always lead and dress apex. Years ago this was anecdotal but after over 100K hours in real estate a good suite (tailored) saved my ass and literally got me business. I listed the largest house in east Austin because of a suit (and got a front page story on the newspaper real estate section for free because the owner saw me walking into the next door neighbor’s house).

Offices, dress, logo, email signature are all elements of you and your brokerage’s style. Style in and of itself isn’t enough to be a top producer in real estate. I’ve had stylish and even celebrity agents that didn't do zilch, but style often is a fingerprint to something more.

Picking the right elements for your agent style is an art because you have to offer something from yourself that’s unique enough as well as something familiar (a bridge to your uniqueness). I have a background as a musician and also as a merchant sailor. Fortunately those are easy convo starters. You could be a philatelist and have some challenges, but regardless it absolutely will take a year or three to develop your own angle and style towards the market as you learn it and the agent role more.

Things that look attractive and familiar puts client’s psychologies at ease. So, if skinny jeans are in you better get in them (that’s like five years old now). You’re on stage. You don’t wear what the worker people behind the camera wear. If you want to wear boring shit get on the other side of the camera. If you want less leads saddle up to a forgettable brokerage. People have hard days. They want you to put an effort into your real estate agency role. Currently it’s a fried role so you’re dealing with that too. People love to be smiled at and sold and especially from someone who smells good. It doesn't ever get old. Don’t make them beg for your charm. Be a nice charming person with a shirt that fits good, it’s a powerful combo.

Get My Damn Paper

If you’ve never seen a werewolf in daylight mess with an agent’s commission after the deal’s done and funded. Admin? Who is the damn person who does the admin? (accounts payable is the icey pro word if you like). That person that you contact to get your commission check cut? If that person is a weirdo, or there’s an unfriendly or sketchy quality to the office or admin staff, do not go forward (don’t confuse this with new people or industry jitters). Grab some free coffee, leave the smarm and jet to the next brokerage blind date.

Software

CRM is an annoying conversation. Here’s the things with CRM’s - for all the work CRMs curtail, because of their complexity and existence and the work(time) they take to interact with you need to consider how much work you’re putting into operating the CRM software verses how much time it’s saving. Many times brokerages have expensive yearly subscriptions with per agent fees for their CRM which can make the brokerage have a zealot meth thing for the ‘team’ software and promise you can’t have a career without taking a bump too. To understand CRM better before it was a name, Client Relationship Management is what analog Proximity became. Let me explain - being close to people in Church, bar, school, same building -- all give proximity. This becomes familiarity, then ease, then trust. People do business with people they trust & like. Once people disconnected physically and started using other means more contact attempts have to be made to work for or ‘prove’ worth.

Follow Up is a large component of most CRM’s and there are gobs of money for agents who follow up meticulously. Simply ask the broker what CRM they use and research it. Something to remember - unless you’re extremely busy with your career you don’t need a CRM. You can manage & database your clients & leads ‘by hand’ and strap it to the cloud with G-Suite/Google Sheets.

Brokerage Name

A small but important aside, if a brokerage have named themselves after a precious metal or a gem, or if it says elite in the name then it’s not elite. If it has the words prestige or worldwide or international it may not be any of those either. I know a handful of exceptions to this rule but this is a great dirty primer to use when choosing a brokerage that’s going to propel your career and have shrimp options at the Christmas Party.

#agent #realtor #realestateagent #broker #brokerage #newhomebuyer #coach #businesscoach #entrepreneurs #new agent #zillow

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nicholaspopkey · 5 years ago

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The Before & After

I fell into fixations. A cyclical impulse would turn into a habit. Offering me a harmful kind of comfort. I could only reflect inwardly and I did so with fervor. But as soon as I had settled upon some ‘real reason’ my life hadn’t turned out well, another equally logical causality appeared. I was fishing in my past with seventeen lines. But every time I reeled in a bite the line would snap.

It was on those misty nights, when the weather seemed wounded like I was, that I started to wonder about the source of heat inside me. The fire I was feeding scraps. The same fire burning in the passions of others. The people that’d found their calling or their soulmate. All I had was the wingback chair and the patterns of rain on the window. A cooling cup of tea and myself.

The evening we met it was raining hard. Even in those days I cooked for myself. But every Friday night I went for take-out. In the darkling sky I would always see the first lonely star. That night the rain stifled the anatomy of the cosmos. It was windy too. I darted through sheets of water running down the awnings. Hurried through gusting steam from the food carts. The little strip of restaurants would still be serving under six feet of water. You were at the pick-up window ahead of me, chattering with the cashier.

The umbrella kept me dry, but I never brought a jacket on my food runs. The longer I waited, the more involved you became, with jovial inflections I gritted my teeth against, as your voice as well as the cashier’s climbed up the octave scale. I edged into my own reflection in the pick-up window. A ruddy white sneaker. My socks with their running seams. A corduroy pant leg. A dangling belt loop. My bottleneck torso. And finally my plaintive face. Blurred out and warped in the plexiglass.

You turned to apologize. Then offered to pay for my order. I demurred. You insisted. You told me later how cutely irritated I was. How endearing it was to watch my impatience shift as I tried to repair the interaction. As if I was the one making you wait. Later on, you did wait. But that night you simply threw a mess of bills on the counter, bought my food and a drink to go with it. The drink turned to two or three. Even then you saw what you saw in me.

With the time we spent together, I began to understand what I was looking for, and I was able to warm my hypothermic heart. If a relationship beyond mentor and apprentice evolved, it isn’t important. In that case it would have aligned with what we both wanted, encompassed by the warmth of our collective fires.

The fuel I needed was richer and more dense than the fuel of others. That was what they needed to be happy, not me. When I thanked you for showing me that, the gratitude was well-received. Another weight lifted off a life that’d grown with complexity. I started a new career in a field I’d always shunned for instability. But being sure of yourself is worth more than any bank statement. With your love and your blessing, I began along a path which has brought me fulfillment and success. These days I sit in the house that I own on the third story, looking down at the street. The windowpanes shimmer with rain.

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tarithenurse · 5 years ago

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The good Villain - 2

Pairing: Loki x Reader (eventually) Content: Darkness with sadness and some gory details sprinkled with old trauma. A/N: I’m having a lot of fun with the details in this. Feel free to send an ASK for a tag :D Thanks to those of you who already have <3 and to you darlings that have reblogged! Oh! Please check if you are in fact taggable...

… Reader …

Infinity holds, as the description hints at, infinite options. Take planets. Somewhere, someone has started counting them all and they will never reach the end just like it is similarly impossible to number the types of biospheres, or dangers. Through the Academy, you’ve studied a number of hostile conditions and how to deal with them, ensuring that you can survive most environments, and all things considered: you have been lucky throughout your career.

Until now.

Consumed by the urge to fulfill your destiny, you have started paying less attention to the “where” of things. Now the bill has come due, meaning you’ve landed yourself in the middle of the worst climate.

“Stop! Fracking! Leaking!”

No amount of screaming at the sky will have an effect other than scare the local critters. Huddling near the half-rusted fuel drum, you wiggle each naked toe carefully, ensuring nothing’s gotten too cold or has melted from the wetness. Rain, you turn the foreign word in the mouth. Someone had shouted at you to watch where you’re going, to not mind this…rain. There’s no word for it in your native language, though plenty of options in Kyrrelian, Sakaarian, yes, even the now dead languages of Morag. Obviously Morag.

A drop from your pants, hanging above the barrel, falls into the makeshift fire and causes it to sputter and hiss. Nothing likes water. Huddled on the splintering pallet with a few rags of tarp, you try to keep yourself warm despite the ominous splatter of wetness from outside.

Focus on the mission. Today has brought two victories and a new target.

First, you had managed to isolate a strong Leech, making an end to its life and those it had already started draining.

Then, which was almost better, you had figured out how commerce works on Terra, using the paper flaps assigned some monetary value which in turn got you plenty of your pure, wonderful sustenance. Never in your life had you seen so much of the Life Crystals. Bag upon bag, all advertising openly what is hidden inside as though people would not plunder the little shop to obtain it…and actually, they didn’t. The Terrans walked about, paying little attention to the valuable minerals.

Drops sizzle, steam rises from your trousers, reminding you of the discovery as you had to leave the shelter of the store. For a moment, you had thought the reasons for the small hairs rising on your body was that someone might be watching you…but as soon as your gaze swept around the surroundings, you found the real reason: vacant eyes and static movements as the little herd navigated the masses ahead of the Soul Leech they belong to. The Leech is old enough that no one will be concerned it is not handled by one of the adults, yet young enough that people would drop their defenses and get too close if it whimpers or calls out for help.

“Yo-ehmm…” a hoarse voice reaches out to you, “go’ room by ‘a’ drum, eh?”

The Terran at the edge of the light has seen better times. Worn and dirty clothes, holey shoes stuffed with newspapers. His hair is long and unkempt without the lustre of health, promising a set of teeth more lacking than anything else. Harmless. He is swaying, either from fatigue or a kind of stimulant.

“Sure.”

Keeping to the far side of the heat source, he shuffles a bit closer after finding a piece of wood to sit on, clearly relieved to find respite from the so-called rain.

Satisfied with the added security by numbers, you recoil to the safety of planning. Sometimes, you fingers stray to pick a few crystals from the pack, allowing them to roll over the tongue and dissolve. Already, you are feeling the boost it gives your physiology and it will not be long before the ridiculous cast around the arm can be removed. It has become quite practical, though.

As you pull out a colouring tube from your backpack, you set to work repairing the blemishes. Black, rather than the glaring white, it blends into the shadows when you stalk your target, and you have come to appreciate the softness of the wrapping which absorbs blows surprisingly comfortably despite the underlying damage.

“How’d ye ge’ one o’ those?” Although his eyes are not exactly on your cast, you know it is about that.

You wouldn’t believe me, Terran. “Crashed. Shit happened.”

“Hm.” While he ponders the answer, there is nothing but the crackle of the fire to be heard – the leak in the sky must be stopped. “So…” He picks at a nail, long since rusted into the wood he sits on. “The docs didn’ take ou’ last bit, eh? Left somethin’ behind in mah head too…say too dang’rous to remove.” A crooked finger taps at a spot at the back of the head, hidden behind the mass of wiry, greasy hair. “Way I see ’t…better if they tried anyways. Head ain’t been mine since come back from over there.”

You find it hard to make sense of most of the things Terrans say, but the look in the man’s face is universal. “You served your…country?”

“Wha’ they say, innit?” Yes, he means yes. “Now…I’m on my own.”

He knows you understand in that moment. None of you have to speak any longer, just sit there in the broken darkness haunted by the memories of the past – that is the real damage, a pain you thought you understood when you signed up as recruits. We didn’t. Even if healers could fix the damage to the Terran’s brain, nothing can be done about the wounds crisscrossing his soul, and for a glimmer of a second you wish he could find the kind of piece a Leech provides as it drains its prey. No. You have seen it happen, seen the desperation flare up every time a soul struggles to remain. They always realize too late.

… Loki …

“That’s just nasty!” Stark voices an opinion shared by all.

Treading carefully through the suburban house, Loki can hear the voices of the firefighters discussing how it only is because of the rain that the fire had not spread. Mad luck, they say. Or smart planning. With the exception of a few of the Avengers none of the dimwitted mortals have realized that the charred remains of the family have been staged together with the destructive blaze to hide the real cause of death.

Bending closer while ignoring the red shock of hair nearby, the keen eyes of the Asgardian can see the cuts running deeper than the roasted flesh. “This one appears more brutally attacked,” he observes.

“Yeah,” Romanova nods, pointing to the wrist, “fracture here’s pre-mortem.”

It happens as Loki circumvents the corpse of the child to get a better look. With a sickening, slobbery sound, the skull begins to tilt backwards before letting go of the still tender muscles and falling to the ground with a thud.

“Look.” He ignores the sound of someone in the background throwing up. “That wound.”

Both the Black Widow and Barnes huddle close, inspecting the circular cavity left from a narrow weapon passing through what used to be a chin. Rounded like a rod…or tube. Carefully tipping the fallen piece of head with the tip of his toe, Loki bares the roof of the mouth through which the wound continues.

“Betcha’s the killing blow,” Barnes offer.

“We don’t bet at crime scenes,” the other veteran scolds, “no betting, joking, or giggling.”

…

Scrolling through the data, only one conclusion presents itself although the evidence is incomplete. Captain Danvers and the mercenaries calling themselves the “Guardians of the Galaxy” – a ridiculously pretentious name – have attempted to uncover more evidence from the past crimes scattered across multiple realms, and in the cases where it has been possible to learn anything at all there are signs of the same killing blow to one victim at each location. Always a child.

But why not just any children? As twisted as the mind of a madman must be, there is always a grain of logic to be found. Broken logic, sure, but a flicker of explanation to why a particular pattern has arisen.

“Intergalactic mass-murderer or not,” Loki interjects softly, pausing an argument between Strange and Stark, “if it was simply a matter of killing, then why travel such distances? You both know there must be more to it.”

“C’mon!” Now both men agree, directing their frustrations at Loki. “You can’t be serious? You think something about killing kids can make sense?!”

Killing or leaving to die, what is the difference? “I do not presume to agree or understand…yet we must operate from the assumption that it’s not random…if that had been the case, then all children on any planet would be left dead and burned.”

“The frost faery’s got a point.” On normal occasions, Romanova would have found herself the target of a knife after such a comment, but maybe she can get through to the squabbling men. “We’re missing the pattern. Why those children? Why’n that order?”

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villainever · 6 years ago

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Killing Eve + making worlds and workplaces for women

killing eve very frequently – and obviously quite rightly – gets discussed as a feminist screen text, but i feel like we often talk about the individual characters, how fantastic they clearly are, and how flawed/developed/multifacted/interesting they’ve grown to be. but another thing killing eve does phenomenally well is subvert power structures and institutions, and populate them with women in a way we rarely see. for example, in season 1, eve’s MI5 office is unusually gender-balanced for television (it’s her, elena, bill and frank), and when carolyn is introduced, she’s immediately painted as almost an urban legend – elena raves about how incredible she is and how much she’d love to work with her, and we’re positioned to view her with intrigue and awe. this “mysterious, unreadable, probably damaged but definitely utterly competent and slightly amoral” character would typically go to a man – probably a slightly misogynistic one who��d gradually form a “grudging respect” for the women on his new team, as the women act as a device to coax him into the New Modern World and soothe his trauma. but carolyn gives this archetype an internal makeover and new vitality, and neatly sidesteps stereotyping: she’s not a “bitchy boss”; she never yells, or insults; she’s at times eerily calm, and methodically works her way through problems. this is especially poignant when we think of male characters who rail against female leaders for being “too emotional”, and proceed to spend half the movie throwing tamper-tantrums. at the same time, though, she doesn’t feel emotionless to prove a point, or simply to be the stoic; we get a very real sense of her pragmatism and cold war-conditioning, and the interlocking mechanisms of her many layers. carolyn’s character (both her writing and shaw’s acting) are totally genius, but the main point im trying to raise here is that the parts of Mentor and Career Aspiration are inhabited by a woman, and 60yo woman going full-speed at that – not someone who’s barely 39 but treated as basically a retiree.

next, we’ve got carolyn’s boss, played by zoe wanamaker in 2x04. yes, she’s not in the show for long – although she may make a reappearance? not sure – but her value is more symbolic than anything. in her scene, we get the impression of her power (she gets to make carolyn wait :o), and while she’s also a severe older woman, she’s very much distinct from carolyn in personality, which is pretty unique; often, writers will prescribe bulk-identities to all their minor characters who fall into certain groups, out of a mix of laziness and ignorance. anyway, wanamaker’s helen is shown eating (another rant-worthy point is how the frequency and ease with which killing eve’s women are portrayed as actually eating food is tragically radical), and she lashes out at carolyn before soothing herself easily once again – she’s capricious and less reserved and measured than carolyn, but equally potent. we also get a strong vibe of a long and complex working relationship between these two, effortlessly implied by the writing and performance and even if we never double-back to it, it colours how we view carolyn and the system that i’ll (eventually) get around to making my argument about.

lastly, there’s julie, who plays the medical examiner in 2x01, and conducts the exhumation autopsy on allistair peel. she comes across as professional, capable, no-nonsense, but also warm and gallows-funny, hugging carolyn and sympathetic to eve’s slightly strange reaction to the corpse. like helen, she’s not in the show long, but it’s more her relevance as a symbol i want to discuss.

so what am i getting to by going on about carolyn and these relatively minor characters? well, i want to talk about how killing eve establishes for itself something of an ‘old girls’ club’. an ‘old boys’ club’ is the network of connections that form between (generally upperclass) men who went to the same schools or worked in the same companies, who get each other opportunities in a pay-it-forward kind of way throughout life; it’s one of the many ways that sites of privilege are maintained as sites of privilege. but with these older female characters, who all know and support each other, give each other second chances or off-the-books help, killing eve constructs its own version. through these interactions, we have the sense that carolyn is a part of a group of women across the government who ensure certain things happen at certain times for certain people.

even outside this senior boss ladies network, we have elena, eve and jess, who support and challenge and contradict each other – all successful women with different skillsets, trajectories, relationships, etc., and none of whom are white. not only does this show pass the bechdel test in under three minutes, but that conversation is between two women of colour. one of the many things i love about killing eve is that while it acknowledges (and even leverages) the disadvantages that marginalised groups face – e.g. villanelle is able to exploit conforming to the western ideals of femininity to lure men into a false sense of security; the ghost is able to pass through places unnoticed, etc. – it never makes that the core of the narrative. it isn’t focused on reinforcing these systemic barriers over and over, which is something a lot of shows do when they’re trying to be progressive, and all they end up doing is reminding us of the setbacks we face and how it’ll be a long, arduous struggle to improve things. instead, killing eve gives a nod to this sexist, racist, homophobic reality, but sidelines it, the way minorities are so often sidelined. rather than make all eve’s bosses and colleagues men “for the realism”, it throws a few male characters in there and then focuses on the women (look how much screentime kenny and hugo get compared to jess, another first-tier secondary character). it reimagines the chain of command as belonging to women, it takes power and allocates it how it sees fit. i adore this, because if someone said to the writers, “umm… i feel like there should be more men in charge… that’s just how it is…”, their response would probably be, “so what?” it wants to spend time with complex women in complex situations, so it just puts them there; there’s no spinning of the wheels to justify how so many women got to these high-ranking jobs in an institution designed to keep them in the lobby. it certainly never pretends women don’t have to cater to men and their sensibilities (take carolyn comforting frank in season 1), but it doesn’t get caught in ‘liberal’-dude-writer “look at these (skinny/pretty/fantasy-fulfillment) women push through the system and affect change from behind the scenes by showing their cleavage to *trick* men into doing what they want ;) girlpower, ladies”. it lets women BE the scene, unapologetically, without feeling pressed to explain or defend or negotiate by stuffing an equal number of male characters in. we get konstantin and aaron peel and various ambassadors or clerks who are men, but these are all characters on the outside looking in. killing eve isn’t arranging women as spaced out and in competition with each other; aside from villanelle, they’re all on the same side (and villanelle’s temporarily teamed up with them anyway), and they work together, while still being allowed internal tensions and clear relationships. i originally just intended to talk about how killing eve built us an old girls’ club, but i had More Thoughts, so that’s why this essay doesn’t stay totally on-thesis from here on, even though it is all about women and their positions in the narrative/workplace. another note – these women, for the most part, aren’t there to be love interests. we obviously have eve/villanelle, but they both have their own fully-developed characters, plus, their love interests are each other, not men. we have carolyn, but her affairs don’t control her storyline; they flit in and out, and are of far more signifiance to the men than to her – she’s an older woman who controls her sexuality, but doesn’t have any interest in letting it overtake her work (and we don’t have that ridiculous “uptight bitch learns to put relationship with basic bro above her lifelong career dream”). we have gemma, but while her narrative function is to give niko a final straw to leave, and to push eve further, she has agency in her arc; SHE is the one who pursues niko, and she does this in a respectable and understandable way. she’s not the “sexy temptress” who “lures” him away, and nor is she an “innocent” that he actively chases.

also, NONE of the women have their qualifications questioned. there is no “is carolyn experienced enough to have so much free reign?”, no “how did eve get to MI5?”. the way we’re always told to with male characters, the show expects us to accept that they’re fit for their roles. this is highlighted when eve kind of stumbles into being an authority on female assassins. she doesn’t have a phd in psych or anything, but she clearly has an affinity in her area, and she VERY quickly learns to own that. the first time carolyn calls her their resident expert, eve is a bit surprised, but then she’s just like, “huh, guess i am”, and runs with that confidence. these women are all tough, but they don’t have to dig out their own spaces. theyve got them, and the audience isn’t gently directed into wondering whether they actually should. we KNOW they should. unsurprisingly, considering much of killing eve is written/overseen by women, but this isn’t done for Woke Points. there’s no constant self-conscious grandstanding about how many women are in the series. the actors and writers talk about it in press, because theyre EXCITED, theyre THRILLED to finally have this, but that comes from a genuine place of joy to be involved in such a project, rather than a hapless grab for viewers. the female characters aren’t half-baked stocking-stuffers to net the 18-35W. theyre Actual Characters. bottom line is, isn’t it so nice? isn’t it so lovely to be watching something, and have women be in the foreground AND the background? to not have to smurfette effect, the “one of the main characters is a girl, can’t you just shut up now? smh so greedy”? to have minor female characters not as sexy set-dressing or rivals or “ew she’s ugly here’s what we don’t want our protagonist to be hahah amirite lads”? we get to see ourselves over and over, in so many different iterations. killing eve’s women aren’t just “empowered”, they HAVE POWER. they are in positions where they can use that power for good or bad or both, but they have sway and influence and we don’t have to watch a 22yo ingenue assimilate to a 98% male workplace. female characters in killing eve are REAL and PRESENT and we have an entire textured world that isn’t just modern, it’s extra-modern. we have our cake and eat it too: there are women throughout the workplace hierarchy but we still get a critique of how men manipulate the game, and both are managed expertly to ensure we get the social commentary AND get to enjoy the experience of watching women be intelligent and morally grey and sophisticated and manipulative and and AND. in conclusion, i will no longer be accepting applications from media that doesn’t have women in their cast because it “isnt realistic”. killing eve is tearing it up out there, and it’s almost overwhelmingly relieving to get to experience media like this.

*btw, im not trying to imply there are no women actually working at MI5. im sure there are many, but this is more a commentary on media interpretations (james bond, etc.), and the male dominated government landscape in general.

#killing eve #ke #killing eve s2 #killing eve season 2 #villainever #mine #villainever writes #villanelle #eve polastri #carolyn martens #ke analysis #villaneve #villanevest writes

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hollycrowned · 5 years ago

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all is well (so goodbye, goodbye)

I have some bittersweet news. this blog, and related accounts across social media, is being retired.

I want to thank all of you who have been supportive of me, one way or another, over these past several years. some of your names I recognize from having followed me since I first logged to this platform some eight years ago. more of you stuck around after Cipher Hunt, and for you I’m grateful too. to those newer folks who have hardly seen me post since you’ve followed me, I’m sorry. I hope you can see that this decision has been a long time coming.

if you have ever sent me a kind word, or tipped me for my writing, or donated when I needed help: thank you. I won’t be forgetting it. I’ll pay it forward whenever I can.

under the cut I’ve answered some anticipated questions. as you’ll read, I’ll be around for a bit to answer anything I haven’t here, so for a final time: feel free to drop your messages in my ask box.

thank you all again. ∆ <3

why are you leaving?

I came to this decision after some months of personal reflection, therapy, diagnosis, and treatment. one strange thing about having a life online is that your first life persists behind it, and your experiences can’t all be shared with the strangers who see only the content you post. unbeknownst to you all, I’ve been doing a lot of maintenance behind the curtain, and it’s helped me recognize—a lot of things, but in the interest of readability: that what’s best for me is leaving this handle, and its collection of accounts, behind; taking an extended break from social media altogether; using the Internet as a tool for learning and for improving my circumstances—instead of a means to assuage boredom, to avoid stress, or to get small hits of dopamine—to the best of my ability when I do return to social media; and putting more focus into accomplishing offline goals.

it’s sad, and it’ll be hard, but I’m feeling good about it in the sense that I think it will help me move forward in other parts of my life. plus taking a break from social media has always come as a relief for me lately, which I’m taking as a sign that I need to stay away for longer than a little while.

even more recently, I realized that moving on wasn’t an event I had to wait for—the catalyst is my own choice to go.

so I’m going.

where are you going, when you do come back online?

well, I don’t quite know where I’ll end up yet. I have a general idea of how I’d like to use the Internet, when I do use it, from now on, and I’m building a plan around that. but as of right now I don’t have anything concrete in mind.

will I be able to find you?

maybe someday. I think I will start posting my own content online again, eventually. if our interests line up, you might stumble across my work.

what will happen to this place?

for archiving purposes, this blog will stay up a little longer. once that process is complete, I’ll make a decision on what to do with this space.

but before that, posting will slow to a trickle before halting altogether. consider it this way: you’ve heard I’m leaving town, and this here is the last few drinks I’m having at the local dive before setting off in the morning. by all means, drop in and say goodbye. I’ll be collecting well wishes and answering final questions and playing a few more songs before I mosey on out.

are you still going to follow Alex Hirsch’s career?

yes. for myself, I’ll still be keeping track of what his next projects are. I plan to continue writing about his work for as long as he’s creating—I simply won’t be doing so live-blog style for the foreseeable future. as much as I’ve enjoyed being a news source, the work that makes me feel fulfilled are the few nuanced, reflective, long-form pieces I’ve written over the past few years. that’s the kind of work I aim to make more of in the future, about all kinds of media and art I’m interested in. hence the need for change.

if you would like to keep up with Alex’s career, I recommend following him on twitter.

will you still be creating fan content?

yes, for myself. I’m not sure how I’ll be sharing it, or if I’ll be sharing it at all.

what if there’s another event like Cipher Hunt?

you know, today (August 2nd) is the three year anniversary of the end of Cipher Hunt. on this day in 2016, we were scrambling to decode the final clue after Alex offered his final hint. by the evening, fans were on their way to Reedsport, Oregon for a late evening trek through the woods to find Bill. when I look back on my experience of that day, I remember thinking with clarity: I have never experienced anything comparable to this, and I may never experience anything remotely like this ever again. with each year that has passed since then, and through my own reflection of the event, that thought has only seemed more true.

I don’t know that there will be another event like Cipher Hunt. I’m okay with not knowing that there will be. I’m okay with not being here, with not taking on the same role, if there ever is—I’m okay with just remembering what I experienced.

what are you going to do with all your new free time?

get some new hobbies. go outside more. read. be bored. write more of the kind of content that makes me feel happy and engaged. keep it for myself for a while. go back to school, in some capacity. travel.

is there a way I can contact you for an interview? if I don’t wanna lose track of you?

if you’re doing academic work and would like to ask me a question about Cipher Hunt/Gravity Falls, you can mail me at hollycrowned @ gmail.

if we’ve spoken more than a few times or if we know each other from real life somehow, you can of course also email me. chances are I’ll find you again when I’m ready to step back onto social media. no matter the case, don’t worry your head about me. I’ll be gone from everyone for at least a little while, til I’m ready to come back.

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shafferangelina95 · 4 years ago

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