#a few shitty things have happened. not to me directly but to ppl close to me. and i have been coping Poorly

[moonmothmama]

anyway i can't fucking believe i didn't realize until this morning that i've been having an anxiety attack the past several days.

[prettyboykatsuki]

please PLEASE write more abt bully bkg!!! what happened next?? what did kiri do omg

tw ;; mild toxicity, bully!bkg, kirishima being a shit, fem!reader 18+, spanking, oral (f!recieving), bkg accidentally worships your pussy instead of punishing you :/, unprotected sex, praise kink 

PT. 1

a/n ;; have i mentioned he makes me absolutely out of my mind yet? have i said that?!??#?$# 

i think we’ve established about the two of them enough by now so here’s how i picture it. 

like i said before - bkg is a campus athlete, popular and well-rounded and all around has that like image to him and so when he essentially confesses to you after fucking you stupid in the library, that’s basically him making you his girlfriend. you don’t know that for a long time but we’ll get there later. 

anwyays.. right after he fucks you nice n full of his cum, he slides your panties and shorts right back on and snickers as he watches you struggle to get to your feet before eventually helping you. he keeps your bra as a punishment and makes you keep his hoodie, almost biting you when you try and take kirishimas to return it to him. he’ll do it himself, don’t test him. 

when you’re all dressed - he makes you pack up and ends up walking you to your dorm room in the middle of the night (which you beg him to not do) but he’ll be fucking damned if anything bad happens to you. it’s his version of affectionate but you don’t know that yet so you’re mostly awkwardly trying to dodge him on the way back BUT he’s still bkg so when he notices that he yanks you. 

he makes you hold his arm and licks your cheek cause he’s such a fucking dick. hits you with a “get used to it, princess” with the most condescending tone. but he’s being so serious. you just think he’s teasing you but he’s not.. he means it. get used to him, basically because now he’s a constant presence in your life. 

he drops you off in front of your dorm and you’re about to wave him off but before you can go he grabs your waist and basically dips you for a kiss. and it’s so good - fuck, you wish you could say you hated it. but bakugou is experienced as much as he’s mean so he kisses you like his life depends on it, his fingers digging into your sides and his tongue in your mouth. you almost forget your in public until he pulls you back up 

he gives you a little breathless grin, patting your cheek with his hand and telling you “get cleaned up, dumbass” which is his way of telling you to get home safe. 

and you do get to your empty dorm. you take a shower and just kinda reflect on the actualy fuck transpired cause you were pretty positive he wanted you in a casket but?!?!?! you fucked him and he kissed you? so ???? 

youre in the middle of your exams and you’re honestly tired since you got fucked within in an inch of your life so you shower and just.. go to sleep. in his hoodie cause it smells good and it’s big and comfy and you’re like... thinking about it really hard but it just makes your headache. 

you conclude after a lot of tossing and turning that he’s probably still just trying to fuck around with you and maybe thinks you’re an easy lay.  you can’t say you aren’t since you were willing and ready for him (the thought of how easily you gave in has you flustered) 

you sleep, eventually. and you wake up the next morning not really expecting much. you don’t have bkgs number or anything so you just.. continue with your day as is. unlucky for you - you have classes with bakugou and kirishima 

but you don’t think it’ll be all that different. still so non-chalant. and you go to class that day dressed normally - with bakugous hoodie in hand. 

you sit in your regular seat that day and this is your first mistake. 

kirishima is in class before bakugou is. and he is.. as always, a little shit. so he pulls up right beside you because even though bkg is pissed at kiri - they are besties so he tells him everything. kirishima wont tease you abt it and u still think kirishima is quite nice and handsome so you’re pleased to greet him. 

ah.. another mistake on your behalf. this action WILL have consequences. 

kirishima gets so cozy with you btw. he loves that you’re so comfy w him - strokes his ego so good. and he chats you up for a better part of the hour before your morning class. 

he makes jokes and smiles and laughs and thinks about how easy it would be snatch you from bakugou and keep you to himself. he’s not good enough of a person to leave you alone. 

aaah kirishima is a sweetheart and he treats you well. so when you feel his hand on your thigh underneath the table - rubbing little circles into your knee, you don’t even notice. and when he gets super close to you to hear you talk - telling you your voice is too soft even tho a class is empty, you let him. 

and when you point out that ppl keep staring and whispering you, he tells you to ignore them and you do. you ignore the whispers and even the click of camera. 

it’s only when you hear bakugou that you get a strange feeling in your gut. he stomps into the classroom - vicious. his schedule is so busy he normally doesn’t get to lounge around before class making sure to keep everything tight 

but he got..  many messages about how you and kirishima were seating today. mostly from kami who likes to cause problems - he decided he should get there a lil early 

well.. lo and behold he does - and he finds you and kirishima looking incredibly cozy with each other. and kirishima being.. kirishima - is the first to see him and he shoots his beloved friend the most smug fuckin smile. 

bkg is pissed, naturally and stomps his way over to the two of you. he’s doing the thing again where he’s icy mad. he doesn’t even bother w kirishima and there’s a whole crowd around the three of you. 

“get your shit,” he demands, clearly seething. you give him a wild look, noticing the now obvious tension before being completely confused.  you’re about to protest w him but he sends you a spine-chillingly glare. 

your whole class watches as he yanks you by the wrist out of the classroom as kirishima sits back and gives u a little wave. ur lost. obviously. and once you leave the classroom ur like “where are we going?” 

the answer is to bakugous very nice car - a custom c3 corvette. he opens the door and stares you, grabbing your bags and taking them to the trunk. but u stand ur ground, cross your arms over your chest like 

“what are we doing out here?” 

bkg doesn’t hesitate in pushing you up against his car, his hands on your waist and his teeth nipping at your neck - sore from old bruises. and you gasp when you feel his fingers dig into your hips, all tongue and teeth. 

“the fuck did i say about you cozyin’ up t’ that shitty haired bastard yesterday,” 

this makes you swallow because bakugous mouth is travelling further and further and his hands are getting more bold. and you shiver, something hot and heavy in your core cause fuck he’s so possesive over you. it makes you dizzy, something sticky and warm in you. 

“i.. i d-didn’t think you were being s..serious yesteryday” 

he growls a little against your throat. 

“guess i’ll have to teach you another lesson. im gonna get in the car and then you are. easy enough, nerd?” 

you can’t do anything but nod and watch him open the car doors. when he gets in you follow and within the blink of an he manuevers you till your over his lap. you let out a loud yelp as his strong hands come down on your ass. still clothed. 

you let out a soft yelp - a noise of surprise at the sudden sensation and you feel bkg bend down to speak in your ear. 

“wanna act like a fuckin’ brat and flirt with your boyfriends friends? fine. i’ll fuck that shitty ass attitude right out of you,” 

the firs thing you think is “boyfriend?!” but your voice gets muffled when you feel bakugou pull down your bottoms along with your panties. his hands are so strong and so big - long thick fingers covered in callouses from playing so many games. you can’t help but squirm under his touch, a growing wetness making your stomach clench. 

he’s so so mean about it yk? a big strong hand smacking against your ass hard enough to leave a handprint. he chuckles when you whine, when your body shivers - bare cunt expose to him and nothing else. a wave of humilation floods through you. 

“‘s not my fault you’re like this y’know? all you gotta do is follow instructions - i know you now how to fucking do that, right? always bein’ so prissy,” ― bakugou tsks, smacking your ass hard before spreading your cheeks out. he admires the way your cunt trembles with mean laugh ― “but you wanna go flirt with shitty hair that much, huh?” 

you’re gonna protest and tell him it’s not even like that.. which makes you question why’re so eager to go with his demands. but the words get lost as the sound of spanks slowly drift and it’s just bakugou admiring your ass. he didn’t really get a good chance too when he was fucking you yesterday but now he’s got eagles on you n your pretty little cunt. 

“never gonna let anyone touch your pretty little pussy but fuckin’ me,” ― and he groans, sliding his fingers through your folds ― “fuck.. fuck” 

you’re not expecting much but within another few seconds you’ve got your cheek pressed to the glass window, ass up and body folded with your cunt directly in bkgs face. you’re not rlly sure why this was happening because you were sure you were getting punished. and maybe the humilation of having your face pressed to glass is enough 

but it doesn’t negate the fact bkg is tongue deep in your cunt. both hands massaging your ass - spreading your lips apart so he can get into fucking deeper. sliding his tongue against your folds and slurping on your clit until you’re jolting with pleasure like you’ve never known before in your life. you’re moaning so loud the whole campus could probably fucking hear but bkg doesn’t care and doesn’t stop 

and your thighs give out, he goes from eat it from the back to getting underneath you and has you sitting on his face. you just keep cumming and bakugou is rock fucking hard - but he doesn’t even bother jerking himself off. he spends all of his time n effort worshipping your sweet cunt  

you cum on his face so many times you’re completely limp by the time he sticks his dick in you. but it feels so good when he does that too - oversenstive walls stretched out his big cock, a hand on your sides as he shifts you into missionary. 

he doesn’t even intend to make you cum again but the position has him so deep in your cervix that you do and he’s so close. and when bkgs close, he’s fucking obscene. 

but it’s not all that vulgar like you’re expecting and that makes you fucking whine. hearing bakugou praise you and your pussy does something terrible to your brain and in your fucked out haze - arms around his shoulders, you’re fucking whimpering. 

and bkgs just in your ear like 

“such a sweet fuckin’ girl for me, taking my dick so damn good, haah fuck. all mind. know how to behave when i fuck you like this don’t you? be a good girl and take it all.. there you go, just like that,” 

when he cums inside of you he stays there for a while and stares at your completely gone expression. it’s unusually soft and you wont see it often but he grabs your face and kisses you hard 

“you’re my girlfriend now you fuckin’ dweeb so start fuckin’ acting like it yeah?” 

you whine and nod, unable to refuse even if u want too 

“yeah..yeah” 

[ace-trainer-risu]

omg i would like to know the hated author...

OH thank you for asking I was. of course secretly deeply hoping someone would ask so I would have an excuse to go off. 

The author [dramatic pause] is VE Schwab!

Now I will pause (again) to say that I just spent like two hours writing a six page long essay on exactly why I dislike her as an author (I don’t know anything about her as a person so no feelings there) but then when I reread it I started to feel worried that it might hurt someone’s feelings who really likes her as an author, so this is a slightly redacted version.

But basically there are three things I hold against her.

For context, I’ve only actually read one book by her, A Darker Shade of Magic. But it’s not just that I didn’t like it. It’s that it left me angry. I read it a year ago and I still get furious when I think about it. It is, in my opinion, a profoundly toxic and hateful book. 

While at the same time also being a very boring and bland book.

So that’s point one) I just don’t get the hype. I read ADSM b/c I saw it recommended everywhere, but I really don’t get why? It’s not very well-written. Purely on a technical level her writing isn’t bad, but it’s not good either, its very...okay. The world building was really disappointing (it’s about four alternate worlds but they’re all almost. exactly the same. which was super disappointing. and also she seems to be under the illusion that london is like the most important place in the world?) The characters are bare minimum sketches, they basically feel like she came up with an initial concept and then never went any further. The characters aren’t particularly likeable or compelling, either, except for one character who...I felt like you weren’t actually supposed to like, lol. The pacing was actively bad. The plot doesn’t really start till around halfway through the book. I actually started ASDM twice and gave up on it the first time b/c it was boring. when I tried again the second time, I thought I had only read maybe the first quarter of it on the first try b/c I couldn’t remember anything happening, but it turned out I had actually read about half, its just that nothing happens in the first half. 

to be fair, I have read reviews of a different book she wrote which specifically praised the writing, so maybe she just did a shitty job on this book and she writes better in her other work?

point two) if you only pay attention to the text of the story, it’s fine! again, its not particularly compelling but its fine. but if you pay any attention to the subtext, its...really misogynistic and queerphobic. its incredibly pervasive through the whole text. 

for one thing, the female protagonist is introduced and is immediately like “Oh. I hate all other women.” (No one asked!) which is not necessarily bad in and of itself, except that...not only is her sexism never called out or contradicted, its actually actively supported by the text. there’s only one other important female character, and she’s Evil(TM), and also gets killed. the very few other female side characters are either someone’s mom or are portrayed as being extremely shallow and vapid and silly. they act exactly how the female protag despises women for acting. so...I don’t think its intentional but you’re left with this weird impression that the female protag is completely justified in her internalized misogyny b/c apparently all other women ARE bad. also, the female protag likes wearing boy’s clothes, which is great, but there’s this weird vibe that girls who don’t wear boy’s clothes are like, dumb and bad and sexist. I think the author is trying to critique repressive female clothing in the past (female character is from regency era england) but she does it really badly and instead accidentally(?) implies that girls who wear skirts are like. dumb sluts. a very weirdly sexist take. like it literally feels like this book hates women and specifically hates them for wearing “women’s” clothes.  *also not the point but it’s really funny that of all the time periods to critique for restrictive clothes, she picked regency england. ah yes, the torturous constraints of...empire waisted dresses and minimal or no corsets. dastardly! 

for another thing, the queer rep is just...so so bad. there’s one explicitly multisexual person (bi or pan isn’t specified but something along those lines) who gets tricked by a manipulative man older than himself heavily implied to be gay (bad) and gets horribly injured and almost dies (bad) basically just so the straight male protag can have angst (bad!). 

the manipulative guy implied to be gay is in turn being magically controlled by...a different! manipulative older man (bad) and is strongly implied to be sexually abused by that man (bad) and the straight main character literally never tries to help him in any way (bad) and ultimately kills(ish) him (bad) but it’s revealed that he basically chose to die (bad) because it was like, the only way he could ever escape his suffering (very bad!!) and the main character then! uses! his dying body! in a spell! to save his own fucking life! and basically disposes of his still alive! body into hell like he’s garbage (so bad I’m literally still fuming of it over a year later)

and then there’s the guy who is manipulating that guy, who is an older man heavily implied to serially abuse and assault teenage boys and young men (bad!!). he also dies too which is fine and good in and of itself...*

except for the fact that of our three queer-adjacent characters, two die and one is horribly injured and almost dies. two are abused and one is an abuser. two are used as angst-fodder for straight characters and one is literally sacrificed, coldly and selfishly and without his consent, to save a straight character’s life. they’re all closely associated with injury and death and trauma and abuse and it’s suggested that death is the only escape. 

subtextually speaking, this book hates queer men and punishes them for existing. 

*note: I want to specifically say that “enjoying abusing teen boys” does not automatically make a person gay or queer. that’s not what being gay/queer means. HOWEVER, there is a long and ugly history of gay men being portrayed as predators who deliberately prey on and abuse younger men, and this character plays directly into that stereotype, and that is why I included him. not b/c he’s positive queer rep but exactly because he isn’t

thirdly) about a year ago there was a bit of buzz about ve schwab writing a book with a canon asexual character...except I looked into it and a) it’s not actually canon at all; the book only says he’s disinterested in sex, which is by NO MEANS the same and it’s shitty to conflate the two when there’s a vast spectrum of asexual experiences (to be clear, it would be one thing if the text said he was asexual AND disinterested in sex. to say he’s disinterested in sex and that equals asexuality is a whole other thing, and is wrong), and schwab then confirmed on her twitter that he’s meant to be asexual. That’s not the same its not the same and we all know its not the same. b) this character is in fact a villain, which is frustrating when asexuality is FREQUENTLY and harmfully associated with people being heartless and unfeeling and evil and like, literal serial killers; to be fair, as I understand it the majority (all?) of the characters in these books are villains, so that’s less bad, but to be fair again, apparently this specific character is also portrayed as being, like “a sociopath” which is ableist AND goes back to all the stuff I said above. and c) what really annoys me is that in her tweets at the time she was very smug about this and fully patted herself on the back. she did half-assed, unresearched “rep” which wasn’t even actually canon and then acted like she was doing ace ppl a favor. excuse me, I didn’t actually ask to be represented by you. 

SO YEAH that’s not the...medium and short of it. the long and short is reserved for a Cursed(TM) google doc filled with my rage. but the tl;dr is that I think she’s an overhyped writer who wrote a profoundly misogynistic, homophobic book and trumps herself up over rep she didn’t actually do a good job of providing. and I would definitely never read another one of her books. The End!

[belovedprincess]

{ this is taken directly from my twitter (and tweaked a bit) but as some of you may know, i had rped natalia on this blog before in c*tta before ultimately dropping her after a few months. 

i was nervous about picking up natalia again, because the reason i dropped her before was the asch at the time. it's true i had been shipping aschtalia w them, but our ooc contact was relatively minimal (just some tumblr ims every now and again. this was before my relatively strict stance on tumblr ims, but even then know i did not like them, so we really didn’t talk often). 

their actions (both on asch and on other muses) made me and a lot of other ppl uncomfortable. as far as i am aware, they dropped or went inactive and i haven't had any contact since i actually dropped natalia. to prep natalia’s blog for a clean start in isola (as i didn’t want to be associated with all of that), i softblocked everyone so natalia would have no followers and i was following no one, so i know for certain they don’t follow me.

i wouldn't consider myself friends w the mun i was shipping with, i was shipping bc it was a mutual and canon ship and i didn't really think there was any harm in it. as you might know, i prefer shipping w ppl i'm close to, even for canon things like wrightworth. crossover ships take a longer time for me to decide if i’d like to ship it, but with canon ship i tend to be alright just going at it without much discussion aside from “hey we both ship this!” since the incident with aschtalia, i have been more hesitant on shipping even canon things, as i do prefer shipping with people i know, rather than getting to know people through shipping.

i understand if you're uncomfortable bc of what happened in the past, i was too and the only way i felt i could get out of shipping without direct confrontation (bc when they had been confronted on their shitty actions they took an aggressive/hostile stance) was to drop natalia, which i did.

i just feel like i owe an explanation, considering i think some people may believe that i was close with that person or shared their opinions or excused their actions. to be honest, i had natalia before an asch was ever in c*tta bc i wanted to try out her muse. 

ultimately i decided to pick her up again in isola bc her muse was still strong for me (dropped only because the other mun was making me uncomfortable) and to ship with klavier. since klavier's mun is a close friend of probably 5-ish yrs and we talk on a daily basis, i am a lot more comfortable shipping with her. we discussed klatalia at length before i ever picked up natalia again in isola, which is why our relationship may appear to be moving quickly.

i do prefer having a lot of ooc contact with people before i'd even consider shipping with them, though i've bypassed that before with canon ships, my experiences with aschtalia have made it more of a requirement for me, as i stated. most muses of mine i either don’t allow shipping or am already shipping on, and those ships are entirely with friends i talk to ooc on a regular basis. 

thank you for your understanding and patience, but that experience is one of the main reasons i’ve stated i will likely not be shipping aschtalia on this blog in favor of klatalia. i am a rather shy person who prefers avoiding confrontation and when i realized i couldn’t gently steer the other mun towards realizing their actions were harmful or insensitive, i took the only out i could in dropping natalia, as i didn’t feel comfortable blocking them with no explanation and suddenly cutting off our ship otherwise. }

[jasonscaramel]

Safe - Negan x Reader - Part 2

[find part one here]    [if you’re new, find A/B/O rules here]

A/N: thank you for all the love on the first chapter! it honestly means a shit ton to me. ppl liking my writing??? what a concept. anyway.. enjoy! as always, let me know what you think !! xx

Warnings: A/B/O dynamics (Alpha!Negan x Omega!female reader), lots of swearing, threatening/assault-like themes (idk what to fuckin call that), and my shitty writing

You awoke to a feeling of suffocation. For a brief moment, you worried that Negan had decided that he had gotten in over his head, but once you woke up fully you realized that it was only an overpowering scent. It was musky and strong, smelling of burnt coffee and shot gun shells and some candle you used to burn before the world went to hell; it was pleasant, something you’d like to burrow into and bask in for days. Right now, though, it was so overpowering you felt as if you were choking. You gasped, sitting upright. Negan was sat on the edge of the bed, smile on his face as he watched you gasp for air. You didn’t know what was worse, the fact that Negan had been watching you sleep, or that the smell was him. And you liked it.

“Mornin’, sunshine.” The wide smile didn’t leave his face, and you sighed, forcing a smile. He stood, swinging Lucille over his shoulder. He paused suddenly, a frown overtaking his features. “I didn’t even ask you your name, how fuckin’ rude of me.”

“Y/N,” you spoke no louder than a whisper, but judging by the grin on Negan’s face, he’d heard it.

“Well up and at ‘em, Y/N. We’re home.”

Home may have been a stretch, but there was no way you could complain about a safe place to live. Safe from the walking dead, that is. You had no idea if you could trust Negan, much less his people. You still didn’t understand why he was doing this for you (or was it for him?). What you did know, however, is that pseudo-compliance on your end was going to get you far with this man, and that is exactly what you planned on doing. You uncurled yourself from the covers and climbed out of the bed, looking to Negan. He gave you a once-over and a curt nod and led you out of the bedroom, and then out of the RV. The hot sun temporarily blinded you, but once your eyes adjusted to the light, you took in the sight of the huge factory in front of you. Your gaze immediately flitted to the walkers strung up on the wall, teeth chomping at nothing but air. You gulped loudly, feeling a hand on the small of your back. You looked up at Negan, his face hard and brows furrowed.

“Let’s keep moving.” He began walking and dragged you with him, and you watched as people began to take a knee as Negan drew closer. It was strange, and cult-like, and almost everything about this place was rubbing you the wrong way.

But you continued to move forward.

Negan proceeded to show you the ins and outs of the Sanctuary, from the basement headquarters of maintenance to his room on the top floor. You were actually impressed by how seamlessly the Sanctuary ran. Everyone had a job to do to make it functional, and by the looks of it, most people did what was expected of them. It was a stark contrast against Alexandria; Alexandria seemed like a tropical vacation compared to this place. The atmospheres were so incredibly different. You couldn’t shake the feeling of longing that erupted in your chest when you thought about how trusting and forgiving Rick and (most) of his people were. You didn’t think you’d find that here.

After showing you to the cafeteria and picking up a plate of food, Negan showed you to your room. It was a floor below his, one that was relatively empty, and you were silently thankful for the space between you two.

“Normally I wouldn’t leave you like this, but we’ve been gone for far too fucking long and I’ve got some shit to deal with. Just stay fuckin’ put in here ‘til I get back, alright?” You nodded as you watched him go, shutting the door behind himself. You shifted yourself on the bed, unwrapping the plate of fruit you were given. Fresh fruit, surprisingly, wasn’t too much of a common occurrence from what you’d experienced, so this was a treat.

Once you were finished, you decided to have a look around your room. It was spacious and already furnished; a bed sat at the center, a table on its side and a dresser facing it. The dresser drawers were full of various clothing items ranging in sizes, and you decided to organize the stuff you could and couldn’t wear, making respective drawers for each. It gave you something to do, something to make this place feel enough like home to help push you through what was coming next. If you were honest with yourself, you had no idea what was coming next. You hadn’t even had time to process what happened to you the night before, yet here you were organizing your new living space. Everything moved way too quickly these days, but you were still doing your best to keep up.

Thoughts of last night overwhelmed you, and before you knew it, you were out of your room and into the hall trying to make yourself feel less claustrophobic. You began frantically wracking your brain to try and remember where Negan told you the bathroom was, before a voice behind you startled you out of your reverie.

“You okay?” You froze, turning to see the culprit. A man—an Alpha, you quickly realized—stood in front of you, at least a foot taller than you, gazing down at you. When you didn’t respond, he sighed. “You seemed like you were freaking out. Anything I can do to help?” Usually you would run as far away from an Alpha as you could, but seeing how well behaved Negan’s goons were, you decided to take a chance.

“I, uh—where’s the bathroom?”

The man grinned, walking toward you. “I’ll take you there.” He began walking and you followed, struggling to keep up with his long strides. “I haven’t seen your face around before. And I would’ve remembered a pretty face like yours.” You blushed, more uncomfortable than anything, and he chuckled. “I’m David.”

“Y/N. I’m new.” Neither of you said anything as you scaled a couple flights of stairs. David led you past the cafeteria, and when you heard showers running, you knew you’d arrived. “Thanks.” You spoke quietly, hoping he’d take the hint and leave.

“I’ll wait here so I can make sure you get back to your room.” You furrowed your brows, becoming more suspicious of him with every word he said. But maybe he was being genuine, maybe he was one of the few good guys left. Whatever the case was, you had to pee, and you weren’t going to debate the good and evil spectrum with a full bladder.

It was awkward peeing in front of three strangers, and you were more than happy to leave the bathroom. Somehow you didn’t think you would ever get used to that. To your disappointment, David was still waiting at the door. He gave you a nod, and you followed him through the twists and turns of the Sanctuary. The place was practically a maze, and you were beginning to think about just how grateful you were for David’s help.

Once your door was in sight, David spoke, “so you’re unclaimed, huh?” You froze, eyes going wide, and he chuckled. “You really think I couldn’t tell?”

“No, I just—”

“It’s easier to have a mate, you know.” He muttered off-handedly, walking you directly to your door. “I could mate you. If you want.”

“I’m sorry—what?” Was he serious?

“Just saying. It’s safer, you wouldn’t run the risk of dying in heat anymore.” He was so flippant and nonchalant you wanted to scream. Mating should be special; it should be done right or not at all. You weren’t about to let some Alpha think he was entitled you just because it was ‘safe.’

“I’d rather die than be mated to someone like you.” It was harsh, but you weren’t the type to sugarcoat things, especially since you weren’t getting the best vibe from this guy. He scowled at you, stepping closer to corner you into the wall next to your door.

“Someone like me? Oh, honey, you haven’t even seen what I can do.” You gulped, and he pushed himself closer, causing you to close your eyes. You heard a dark chuckle escape his lips before a different voice caused you both to look to the end of the hall.

“David, I swear to holy mother of fuck, if you’re doing what the fuck I think you’re doing, I’m going to give you a up close and fucking personal look at Lucille.” Negan stormed down the hallway, and David broke away from you to kneel, a terrified look on his face.

“No, sir, I—”

“You fucking what, David?” David scrambled to find words to explain himself, and Negan looked to you to gauge your reaction. Upon seeing your horrified expression, his face softened. “Get the fuck out of my sight.” He scurried to get away from you and Negan, and Negan closed the gap between the two of you, Lucille dropping to the ground as he grabbed your shoulders. “What happened? Are you okay?” The dramatic shift in his personality almost gave you whiplash. He went from being cold and ferocious to warm and comforting in only a few seconds, and you weren’t sure if you were going to survive this man.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine. He—he offered to mate me, and I told him no and he got pissed.” Negan looked perplexed at your use of ‘offered,’ but nodded understandingly nonetheless.

“Let’s get you back in your room, alright?” He leant down to grab Lucille, his free hand hooking behind your back and leading you to your door. You both walked in, settling on your bed before Negan spoke again. “These fuckheads here—they aren’t to be trusted. You’re the first Omega I’ve ever brought back; the Alphas here are used to a fuck ton of Betas. They’re not gonna fuckin’ stop, and I’m not gonna be around all the time to stop them.” He paused, giving you a questioning look, and you nodded for him to continue. “That’s why I want you to stay in my room.”

You felt like your eyes bugged out of your head. You just met the guy, and he killed your friends, but… he’s protecting you. He’s willing to protect you in a world where everyone only cares about themselves, and you had to admit that there was something about him that made you feel warm and cozy. This wasn’t a decision about him, though; this was about you and your well-being. And if there were unsavory Alphas hidden in the woodwork, you would need any bit of protection you can get.

“Okay.”

TAGS: @shellsandspikes @expertjudgeinmattersoftaste  @jdmfanfiction @kittenofdoomage @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @quick-act-supernatural  @genevievedarcygranger @jenn0755 @dunne31 @adaliamalfoy @ravengirl94  @isayweallgetdrunk @fuckyeahsaviors @negans-network @clinicalkayla @marauderice @warriorqueen1991 @winchester-c @carlsleft-i @queenofpeonies 

[lawlightfan42069]

how do you feel about straight people reading gay fanfiction even though straight ships are at their disposal in every form of media ever

okay first off im Sorry this actually took forever to answer. bc what had happened is i typed a long response to this then accidentally closed the tab so i was so disheartened it took me forever to come back to it sorry pal ;; but i actually do have some thoughts on this. while i am always and probably always will be Wary of straight people who ship, i dont necessarily think its like…inherently bad. i think that the way straight people go about reading/writing/shipping is shitty a good majority of the time but its not a fundamentally bad thing for straight people to read fics with gay characters. the issue comes when straight people do things like: 

a) fetishize gay people in their writing writing. this happens So often in the straight shipping fandom. things like ‘i love my gay otps sinning xDDDDD i love the gays xDDDD’ are fucked up for reasons that ill take to be self evident and not elaborate on rn. 

b) treat their shipping as activism. u see this a lot, when straight ppl arent willing to be critical of their own actions/attitudes bc they think liking a pairing with two guys somehow Absolves them of participating in homophobia. shipping is not advocacy. liking a gay ship isnt even equivalent to being tolerant. also u know that thing where straight ppl see irl progressions in lgbtq rights and make it about their ship??? yea Dont do that

c) refuse to listen to queer ppl in the fandom calling them out for perpetuating shitty things in their fics. theres a Lot of bad tropes out there pertaining to lgbtq ppl and when heteros dont want to acknowledge this, it shows they value the entertainment they derive from gay people over the thoughts of real gay people. 

d) to branch off of the previous point just,,, in general be uncritical of their actions in fandom as a straight person. straight people so often dont think about their role as straight ppl, and i think its especially important to do when ur reading content about gay people. u have to be aware of ur own actions, u have to engage with the inherent bias and homophobia you Will be perpetuating as a straight person. also, u have to respect queer peoples boundaries if they want straight shippers to avoid them in fandom. because of the fact that all straight people to some degree perpetuate queerphobia, its 100% reasonable for lgbtq ppl to want to avoid them in fandom. 

e) dont make themselves aware of the issues of homophobia/biphobia queerphobia/etc that The Real Life Gays have to face. i think its pretty fucked up to use gay people for ur amusement but then turn around and not give a shit about the real world oppression that gay people face. it shows theyre more interested in seeing gay people as objects for them to fantasize about rather than actual people dealing with actual bigoted institutions. 

and f) dont acknowledge how lots of stories (not necessarily in fandom spaces but in media in general) about gay people are designed to be palatable to the straight audience first and foremost, instead of being targeted at actual queer audiences. this is a problem in that even shows that are lauded for having ‘representation’ are still catered to straight people and not the people they claim to be actually representing. i just feel this is important to acknowledge even if its not directly tied to fandom itself, just bc fandom coexists along media. straight people need to understand that Good Gay Content isnt targeted at a straight audience. straight people who consume gay fics especially need to keep this in mind. i dont think straight ppl Need to limit themselves to Straight Ships b u t they need to not position themselves as the most important consumers of not straight content. i think this touches on ur point how straight ppl have media designed for them at their disposal literally everywhere. 

so,,, a majority of the straight people out there do this bullshit. hence why i don’t trust straight people and shipping. but i dont like… ?inherently? think it is bad for straight people to enjoy gay ships. but 99.9% of the time straight shippers are Yikes. so while not theoretically, in practice its …. most of the time. the big thing is that very few of them do is be critical of their actions as straight people. i think thats is the core issue of it but that is the core issue of a lot of privileged people who consider themselves Progressive™ in general. but yeah those are my Thoughts™ and while i think theres some nuance to it, straight shippers are just… bad most of the time. 

[norman-reedus-gossip]

Last Bulk and its a long one

~~mod~~ everything else concerning this topic will be kicked to the modblog. ill try to add to the comments today. i feel like i got ran over so i may not be on at all. sorry for slacking on you and for probably being a world class asshole today. please keep it medium.

Anon: What kind of woman ALLOWS “her boyfriend” to make her hideout so she’s not seen with him? What kind of man DOES that? Be happy for them all you want. I think they look and act like morons. As “adorable ” as people think he is , he seems lately like a total douchebag. Good thing all the fucking booze he consumes gives him the balls to “allow” her be photographed with him. And how fucking desperate does one have to be to let themselves be treated like that? Typical Hollywood. I give this a week.

Anon:Okay, NOW do you think he will make an announcement on Jimmy Fallon about DK? Or that Jimmy will mention it? ~~mod~~  dont know dont care. as long as we get some couch action im good.

Anon:No new stories talk about the trip to italy right before dk dumped pacey. They dont talk about how long nr knew pacey before sky. Wonder how much that cost

Anon:I’m so sad mod….. 😢 Twd’s cast are finally coming to my country and i thinks that is very hard for they bring Norman because he is very expensive…. I mean, Norman is so rich, why he charge that much??! 😢😢 (Sorry for the english) ~~mod~~ aww maybe its not the money but more if he has time. where are they coming? you english is awesome

ahauntedfool: My two cents. I feel badly for disappointed fans who have invested so much time, energy, and possibly even money, on their beloved celebrity, only to see him acting in a way they do not agree with. That must be very hard for them. Maybe I can offer some hope and positivity?I believe no two relationships are alike, and none are black and white. Who really knows everything about their relationship besides them? But it does seem like they are together, and if that is the case I hope they make each other happy. I truly mean that. Love is not something we can plan for, but life is short and happiness is everything. I am still a fan of N, I enjoy many of his films and photographs, his charisma is pleasing, he makes me laugh and he makes me smile. There are some things I don’t like about him, but that’s how it is with people. We are all complex and flawed individuals, and in our imperfections there is beauty. I don’t know much about D yet, but I think I’ll check out her work, watch a few of her films and read some interviews. Maybe I’ll learn something about her that inspires me in some way. With that being said, I think they are an attractive couple, and I love seeing him smile like that. They appear happy in those photos and I hope they are. Maybe this relationship will be good for both of them. Oftentimes we learn from our partners how to be better people.

Anon: Wait for the other shoe to drop on fallon, the baby shoe, lol. He has an extra 0 on his paycheck now, so dk can stay in ny and give up her career while nk goes to ga and cons to keep her in designer duds and pap shots shopping and fashion shows. She can laugh with jdms wife about ppl who pay $$$$ to wait in line for a pic, and we get crappy cgi on twd ~~mod~~ come on the deer really wasnt that bad, if you squint it almost looked real

awesomebrokenheartuniverse: What the fucking fuck??? This is beyond baffling.  The public make out session.  Even as a teenager I didn’t make out on the street for 30 min.  They clearly wanted to be seen.  Have we been fooled by NR with some fake persona all these years?  Has he drastically changed due to DKs influence?  Is he whipped?  Is he tired of keeping it a secret and overjoyed to let it all hang out?  Does she have dirt on him and forcing this on him (sounds crazy but ya never know)? Is this a juvenile shit show for publicity to benefit both of them?  So many questions!  Maybe it’s not our business but when they flaunt themselves like this they are kinda asking for it.  This is like reality show in your face over the top attention whoring.  I feel embarrassed for them.  At least she is age appropriate. I don’t know a lot about DK, but the opinions here are largely unfavorable.  JJ seems like a decent guy.  Why would he stick with her 10 yrs if she’s such bad news?   I keep remembering a quote from AL where he said something like “the longer I know N, the more he is an enigma.”  NR seems totally all over the place to me right now.      

Anon: There’s a video of them kissing now. ~~mod~~ ok

Anon: Hey mod! Sorry to keep adding to this but I’m SO aggravated. Now she’s acting like CS posting pics from his apartment. An her fans are saying to stop bringing up Norman an respect her privacy to people. She doesn’t want privacy! Hence the photo! An the photos taken of them on the street the other night for a hour. If I’m w/ my bf I dont stop and post on SM things from his house. She wants everyone to know she finally got Norman. When will this “relationship” end 😭 personally he deserves better

Anon: Why would Norman be so open about his relationship? This PDA doesn’t fit to him, he never showed so much of his relationship, making out on the street, like in the video it looks like they were making a show. They just stood in the same street walked around kissed hugged just to make a show for the pap, my guess they called him, don’t know why

Anon: Re: the “lie.” Doesn’t it look like Norman’s reps said “friends” because of JJ? Timeline: Pic of Norman and DK at the car looking friendly with story about vacation. Rep said “friends.” Weeks later: picture of JJ kissing and snuggling with another woman at a restaurant. Stories: He’s moved on!! Two - three days later, Norman/DK are completely public. The “lie” was so JJ could say he moved on first. It had nothing to do with manipulating Norman’s fans. Anon: Daily mail has just released an article on NR and DK confirming their relationship and they’ve got a few new pics in there and in one of them NR is looking directly at the camera. I guess we know for sure it was planned and a bit staged now.

Anon: Mod - this was an absolute publicity stunt but I don’t understand why. It makes him look like the biggest possible lying fake asshole alive so why would he want that image? I’m secretly hoping this is some kind of early April Fools day joke.

Anon: Mod when do you think NR and DK became more than just friends? ~~ mod~~ would you be offended if i said i have no idea becasue i dont care enough about them as a couple to even guess. sorry if i sound like a jerk im still not feeling well

Anon: I hope Norman doesn’t think we’re just going to “get over it”? It doesn’t work that way. There is a difference between lying about who you ARE and just simply having a girlfriend. (I won’t even go into how fake SHE is) You Lied to the people that supported you Norman. This isn’t just jealous fangirls. This doesn’t just go away in a few weeks.~~mod~~ im sure he knows it isnt just gonna go away in a few days

Anon: Woke up today with tears in my eyes. Every day I used to go check out all he cool Norman/Daryl fan art on instagram. Now I can’t even look at him.~~mod~~ dont cry anon we can find you someone else to look at.

Jan: Listen up To those deeply upset and disturbed by Norman’s recent actions, please read this - Nothing in your life has actually changes NOTHING! You still breath the same air, work at the same place, hang with the same friends and are surrounded by people that love and care about you in REAL LIFE. You have never, nor will you ever, know the real man behind Norman Reeds and thats probably for the best. All that has happened is that the fantasy you have of him in your head is altered, but you have the power and control to change that narrative back at any point, back to thinking he is kind and sweet and honourable and all the other things that gave you comfort and joy, use him for whatever purpose you want - because I have news for you as a fan/consumer of his brand he is just USING you. He is clever, he will smile and be nice as pie if you are paying for his time, (he is a professional actor), what he is actually like once the show is over, behind closed doors, is probably a very different story that really would shock and upset you. He is part of an ugly dark industry and his values are probably way off the mark to what any of us would consider acceptable. The clues are all around us, the fake hollywood friends he has, the partying showbiz life he leads, his love of attention and the limelight, the blind after blind about his shitty behaviour. It does upset me to see people defending him with the best of intentions, when they have no clue that he doesn’t deserve defending, he is surrounded by wealth and privilege and I highly doubt he cares one bit what faceless avatars on the internet say about him when he is home surrounded by his millions of dollars and fake narcissistic hollywood friends. Me, I love Daryl and I will always love Daryl, he is a real sweetheart and the subject of many a fantasy, Norman not so much, I could never fantasise about someone like him -a shallow and highly privileged actor who can have any beautiful woman he desires at the drop of a hat, and knows it. His priorities are clearly material things, this set up relationship with DK that will be played out in the public eye will just be linked to and part of that agenda in some weird way…(I do have my theories as to why he is so keen to play along with it, but best kept to myself) So seriously people go back to your Daryl (or nice sweet Norman) fantasises… Whatever helps you sleep at night…

Anon: You know what’s even worse than finding out he’s a lying sneaking jerk? That he let her troll his fandom for the whole year. He let us try to defend him the whole time when it was all true. It just shows that his fans don’t really mean anything to him. He didn’t care that she was playing with us and mocking us. It’s just so unbelievable that he is the complete opposite of what he made us believe.

Anon: sorry but I feel betrayed. And before I get jumped on it’s not jealousy or that he can’t have a private life, it’s about thinking one thing about Norman and admiring that person for so long then suddenly finding out that it was all a lie. He made us think that he was our friend but he’s not. he’s laughing at us behind the scenes watching how we buy into the image that he made us think was the real him. it’s not him now. he’s a phony. anyone want walker stalker tickets? don’t want to meet him now ~~mod~~ no need to be sorry anon lots of people are feeling all kinds of way right now. i hear craiglist is a great place to sell those

Anon: God Mod it just breaks my heart to see how fake he looks. Allowing himself to be papped is something I never thought he would do. I admired Norman for being down to earth and real. Where is that man now? He’s gone. He sold out. He’s not who he claims to be. Honest? Lol nope. So this is the real Norman we have been tricked into supporting? He looks just as fake as we know she is. It’s so sad and disheartening and I never thought it would happen to him. He’s just like all the rest. :( So sad.

Anon: Wonder how this will work when he starts filming in May will she go to Georgia she doesn’t seem the country girl

Anon: Mod why do think NR’s reps have the statements that they were “just friends” 3 weeks ago only for them to walk done the street holding hands and kissing now? Do you think NR’s reps didn’t know about the relationship? Or he didn’t consult with them before going public? Or do you think it was all planned? I’m just really confused about the whole thing!

Anon: Sorry…this is a long one… People seem to focus on others being upset because he lied.  But I think a lot of people are upset for 2 main reasons.  One, they really don’t like DK.  It is hard to swallow watching someone you like, date someone you hate.  I had a good guy friend date a girl that the rest of us LOATHED.  She was just a horrible person and we were all so disappointed when he started dating her.  When we asked him why, he just replied, “well, she is not like that towards me”.  Um..ok…so since she’s “nice” to you, it’s ok that she is a a-hole to everyone else?  It lasted all of 4 months, but I just remember we were all so disgusted.  So, anyway, I think that plays a big part in the fan hate.  Fans love Norman and think he is wonderful/nice/kind/good to his friends and fans and they can’t understand how he could fall for someone who is the opposite of all those things.  The second reason is the cheating.  Let’s face it, this didn’t start AFTER she split from JJ.  We would be naive to believe that.  Personally, I think it started during the filming of SKY.  They are together constantly, in the middle of nowhere, I am sure they got very close.  Even if there was nothing physical, they could have been having an emotional affair…which is often worse than physical.  Although we can argue that with his schedule and her being with JJ, they didn’t actually see each other a lot after filming SKY was over, they still could have been texting and calling, thereby continuing the connection and closeness that was formed during filming.  Looking back, I can’t help but wonder if someone DID see them hooking up in a NYC bar (before the break-up with JJ).  If they did in fact have an emotional connection, add a lot of alcohol to that and you can definitely lose control for a minute.  Obviously, this is my own speculation, but no matter when the physical aspect of their relationship developed, I truly believe, the affair started long before it.  As for the people talking about a possible pregnancy.  I can see it.  Even though Norman is pushing 50 and may not want a baby, as some people pointed out, it may not be up to him.  There are many ways for a woman to “accidentally” get pregnant.  Someone, I think it was PR wife, mentioned that DK’s star faded long ago.  She is definitely someone who will do anything to bring attention to herself.  Well, having NR’s baby would certainly bring the spot light.  It may be far fetched but I think DK is really sketchy and I would not put it past her.  I guess only time will tell if there is a baby as well as how long this thing will last.  We shall see…

Anon:I gave a heads up months ago that Diane had a plan and that she and Norman were playing out a fantasy as if they were living their film “Sky”. Health issues included. But guess what comes next (not the end) ;)

Stephanie Kumke: Maybe it´s not DK in the photo, but come on, a naked bully with lights on it with the message “ Waking  up to good News”… ~~mod~~ maybe she got a job that wasnt in Europe

Anon: Ya’ll need to be realistic. Daryl isn’t the cash cow of TWD anymore. Not sure if no one sees this but the ratings last week dropped. Why weren’t they higher? I mean Daryl was in it a lot yet they weren’t as good as the week before. I’ve noticed whenever Carol and the Kingdom are on the ratings go up. Seems like she’s more of a cash cow now. She makes more viewers tune in. So I really don’t get when people say Daryl is the No 1 cash cow. It’s not true. It may have been years back, but not anymore

Anon: It disgusts the shit out of me when I see people support their relationship and are happy and even say DK is gorgeous. Wtf NOTHING on this woman is gorgeous. She’s manipulative, attention whore and snobby. I can’t believe his fans (not all of them) support her. She’s the worst nightmare. Norman went down to her level. She is unsympathetic to fans, Norman clearly isn’t the man he claimed to be. Not sure if I’m more disappointed or disgusted because he played all of us the whole time for his image

Anon: I think some people are not getting it…NR didnt own anyone anything but he was not coherent and yeah he deceived and lied when he said he doesn’t like cheaters and loves honest people. Regardless of course he have the right to date who the fuck he wants. not my problem. now the way he did it, for someone that calls himself honest is very questionable when you can see CLEARLY how this pics were staged. When you stage pics like that and you claimed for years being the opposite of course  people are going to question who you are and who was the person they have been a fan off all this years. People defended him exactly from this behavior. People defended him when people called him sell out and asshole and manwhore and honestly he just proves the others right. This have nothing to do with DK this have to do with him as a person and how he carries himself. He didnt assume her before because he was sticking his dick somewhere else too and the other kick him to the curb.

dandelioncherokee : Interesting. Norman and Diane are not looking AT EACH OTHER in one single picture. A loving couple would do that ALL THE TIME. One word. FAKE. I honestly haven’t got a clue WHY ALL THIS. Oh Norman,you had it going all good for you.Now I can only pray that the universe will give you another chance,so you can try to fix this. Kisses to you,mod ❤️hope you are alright.~~mod~~ i feel like i got kicked down 10 flights of stairs.. you flirting makes me feel better

Anon: I was just thinking about the happy anniversary post and the ‘comment’. Turns out the DK part of that was true and it makes me wonder how many of the other parts were also true. Maya Angelo said when people show you who they are, believe them the first time. Eyes opened, I get it now and I’m just here for wicked gifs, and weird banter. Good things always come from bad, you’re the good thing Mod.

Anon: Pic look good, his fans on ig congrat to him so lol. Congrat to him too. We know here it so far from jealous but it is about who is this guy. Why he won’t hint their relationship at all.jdm said I think he’s single. So he happy it’s foiod but it different story from why he lid like liar, completely behave another and then be another man. And I didn’t see any pic that he look at her face. He smile to ppl. Wake up idiot fans! ~~mod~~ Please dont call fans idiots we all have our opinion

Anon: Another blog says they KNOW that Norman and DK were a thing since Sky. They supposedly have a source but won’t reveal it, they’re also saying no one knows if cheating was involved because no one knows the status of DK and JJ’ relationship. DK moved to NYC in late 2015 to be with JJ AFTER sky was finished. They bought a home together in LA in early 2016. So if her “source” is correct than yes, they were cheating all along, which makes the dec 2015 rumor seem not so false. They’re disgusting

Anon: Who knows…Maybe they both have an agreement? Maybe he agreed to help her with her image by doing this. He may think what’s the harm in helping a friend?? I am soooooo not on her side…I’m just trying to ration it out. Unfortunately we may never know. I still haven’t seen pics of them full on kissing. That one pic where they’re close looks like he was lighting a smoke. Hand holding? Even friends do that. He seemed pretty drunk anyway. Ugh and her IG? Tries to be like N & HC. UMM no.

Anon: Thinking if the 2 of them together makes me so ill but hey…He’s a big boy. I’ve been going thru the stages of grief (as stupid as that may sound) and I don’t regret smashing my DVD copy of Sky! Didn’t much like it anyway lol now I’m past the anger and just sad. I’m not as mad at N as I was a few days ago but I still think DK is a snake. I hope that he guards his heart from her nasty ways! I also think the whole thing with the paps is strange. N is very impulsive and sometimes too too nice!

Anon:Hahaha I share the same first name as DK, so at least I know when Norman is having sex he is screaming my name. Seriously tho at least she is age appropriate and who cares anyway. You are a fan of his work or not no matter who he is boning.

Anon:Is it me or is Norman avoiding liking DK IG posts? I believe he may have been drunk that night and is regretting what he did

rebellacycle:Are you going to watch jimmy Fallon tonight ? Wonder if he will talk about the new relationship. Or just TWD~~mod~~ i will probaly be asleep. probaly just talk about he twd

Anon:

Norman and Diane are happy and in love so the haters have already lost ✌🏼

Anon:

I have a question for those fans who keep saying things like “Be respectful of Norman’s private life!”…. But they’re the ones who are (unnecessarily!) publicizing it. They staged and sold pics and video. In PDA, the P doesn’t stand for Private. If they are not respecting their own relationship, why should we? Also is talking about Norman’s penis size respecting his privacy? So what exactly do y'all mean? They don’t seem to want that. They want people to talk, comment, click the links.

Anon

:Feel better soon Mod! I don’t understand something about the whole DK Shitshow. If this is legit (and not just publicity) then how come no other gossip sites are picking it up??? TMZ doesn’t have anything to say about it after they just ran the garage pics/got his denial?? It looks like People ENews DM UsWeekly and a few less known sites are the only ones going with it, so how come??? I don’t get it! I don’t understand how Norman can be one thing one day and the TOTAL OPPOSITE the next!??! WTAF

Anon: The photos and the video of NR and DK … Looking at it I just feel DK is walking with his trophy. She wants everybody to see her new toy, her little puppy that she will manipulate as she pleases. DK wants everyone to see his new trophy !! While NR smiles like a fool who does not understand the situation. Yes he became the DK puppet

anon:

I appreciate this blog and your work, but you have to moderate some comments that appear on your site. I read comments accusing Norman of lust after teenage girls. This is defamation and it is very serious. It is unbearable to see all this hate and these lies dumped on an actor we have supposed to love. It is all the more intolerable that currently the world is experiencing serious problems. Thousands of people are dying of hunger, London and Paris are the target of terrorists, but some people prefer to waste their time to dumped their hate on Norman. Treat him as if he was a criminal just because he’s in love and he lied because he didn’t want to reveal his private life in the press.I doubt that you post this message on your blog but I needed to say. Many of us live very difficult moments and see all this hate for a simple relationship is ridiculous. Some may express their disappointment but have no right to invent lies and spill their hatred. Sorry for my aproximative English, I hope to find a warm and funny blog. Good luck to you Mod….

~~mod~~ just a few things. 1.tumblr rarely lets me delete comments, the tumblr app hates me…2. the quickest way to get your post deleted is to say “you probaly wont post this”.. i hate that.

Anon:Hope you feel better soon mod. This is for when you do the bulk: at this point I think I’d be happier finding out he did accidentally get her pregnant one drunken night but actually can’t stand her and did this for appearances only and they aren’t really a thing. At least that way he would be the same guy who just made one huge mistake while intoxicated. One night stands happen all the time. But being with her?? it changes everything about him and it makes him a liar.

Anon:

been two days I haven’t looked at anything to do with N and I still can’t get over this. He’s a complete fake. short of telling us he was abducted by aliens and this was an imposter in his body I will never understand. ’s like he just revealed that he is the opposite of everything he made people believe for the past seven years. Liar. Fake. Hollywood. Stupid. Ingenuine. That’s what this makes him look like now. It makes me want to cry. someone say it was all a nightmare. where’s the real norman

Anon

:Happy Today, Mod! I hope your body parts will all in good working order soon. Please take care of yourself. The drama of Norman Reedus means nothing in the long run. Kind people like you who take the time to create community are what matters!

Anon:If DK’s marrage broke down because she cheating then norman gotta run far and fast, they cheat WITH you they cheat ON you. You should look at enty and type in Norman reedus/Diane Kruger this shit been stirring for a while Anon:Will Jimmy Fallon grill Norman about DK? ~~mod~~ dont know

Anon

:Have you seen the pap walk pics & videos?? Omg I’ll swear DK slipped a Mickey Finn in Norman’s whiskey. For him to agree to call the paps on himself, something was totally wrong with him! I don’t recognize that Norman. DK is destructive & opportunistic. She manipulated her way into his life from day one when she recommended him for the SKY role. She is as TOXIC as they come! Wtf’s he doing with her? He’s in self-destructive mode, I pray he comes to his senses in Ga surrounded by good ppl.

Anon:Diane manipulates the media and manipulates Norman. An avid woman who likes to manipulate her little world. How can people defend it? I saw her in truth, she behaves like a haughty princess.

Anon:I no longer see goodness in Norman.

Anon

:Just canceled my trip to San Fran wsc. I was gonna meet him but I can’t even look at him nevermind meet him. How are we supposed to pretend he’s the same guy? He’s NOT what he told us he was! It’s NOT bc of a gf but 1) that it’s HER of all ppl (she is the epitome of famewhore sell out and no one I’ve talked to who met her have ANYTHING nice to say) and 2) He LIED about everything. He’s not any of the things we thought, made his reps look stupid and sold out to let himself be papped. WTF is that

anon

: Personally I’m wondering if she got him drunk, got him to agree to this to make the rumors look true, and that he was too wasted to care. This is NOT the guy we know and love. This is also coming from a mutual friend of his not just some fan. he never calls the media, like TMZ on himself. He’s a private, fairly normal dude, and that’s why I think DK set it up. To boost her American publicity and get noticed for work here. Sad, sick, and sketchy.

Anon: I’m definitely over reading about it Mod but I don’t understand how anything is gonna go back to the way it was anyway so I vote to keep it on the main blog. He’s a lying jerk and this is what we have to see now every day because how can we not if he’s seriously with her. I think I’m gonna have to quit being his fan altogether bc I can’t take her I don’t want to see her ridiculous face every single time he goes anywhere ~~mod~~ here the  thing its an N blog, i dont have to post anything with her in it. im really good at cropping things out of pics.

[gh0stpkmn]

Yooran AU/scenario where yoosung has a popular gaming channel & streams his gameplay 

(under the read more)

yoosung is #2 in his server soooo... he’s probably well-known among other players?? 

(fuck idk how league of legends and world of warcraft work because ive never played either but. anyways.)

i dunno if its common for people with a really high ranking to be like mini-celebrities in the community but.. for the purposes of this whole shebang, yoosung is really well known 

and very popular especially because he goes out of his way to help out less experienced players even though he’s one of the big guys at the top, you know? very humble and very kind which only makes him stand out more

eventually people suggest that he try streaming on twitch (or “afreeca” which a lot of south korean gamers use i think?) and make a gaming channel. and he’s all for it!!!! 

yoosung’s channel gets popular pretty quickly?? he starts out at a solid point because his LOLOL buddies that he usually plays with and his guild members support his channel/streams a lot and spread the word (when they’re not playing w/ him while he streams ofc)... it doesn’t take long at all for it to rlly take off, and he gains a decently big following!!

he’s already been dating saeran for quite a while when he starts his channel but saeran is very shy so yoosung is careful to respect saeran’s privacy. when saeran is over while yoosung is streaming, he stays out of sight of the facecam and keeps quiet

yoosung’s LOLOL friends know him though bc he talks about his boyfriend every now and then in voice chat w/ them,  but also bc saeran is at his place a lot and they hear him in the background, or hear yoosung talking to him occasionally.

i guess at some point during one of his streams, his buddies casually ask where saeran is and they ask how he’s doing and all that... because he’s never in the streams at all and they haven’t heard from him in a while. 

yoosung’s like  “yeah he’s here! he’s doing alright! just hanging out watching tv.” 

and his fans who don’t know abt saeran are just like. “?????? who is saeran” yoosuung tells them that he’s a friend that hangs out his place a lot and that he’s just sort of shy (2 respect saeran’s privacy and also bc they haven’t decided if they wanna be so publicly out yet??)

and naturally, his viewers are kinda curious and it makes them more curious when yoosung and his friends bring him up briefly but saeran is Never seen or heard in any streams or videos. the boy is a goddamn Mystery to yoosung’s viewers.

tbh saeran probably like.. watches the streams a lot when he’s not at his boyfriend’s house but he uses some random fake name or some shit so no one in the chat can tell he’s there.

eventually like. he gets less shy, more comfortable and he can be heard in the background making a noise or smth. asking yoosung a question. that kind of thing.

the first time it’s an accident and everyone is like “!??! who is that???” and yoosung tells them and they get So Excited and respond with “!!! THERE HE IS!!!! the elusive saeran!!” yoosung and his friends just laugh bc its funny n cute?

but ye he steadily makes more casual background appearances and it pretty much becomes one big meme with yoosung’s friends and viewers. they say stuff like 

“new cryptid discovered”

and “he’s a legend.... a myth... no one has ever seen his face”  

(shitty harry potter quote) “it’s like trying to catch smoke... like trying to catch smoke with your bare hands.”

“some say he can wipe your memories so you forget that you ever met him”

its. so good... Every Time they hear the fridge closing or a voice in the background or they catch a lil flash of red hair behind yoosung on the face cam, the chat Explodes like “THERE HE IS!!! there he is! he really does exist!!”

they both find it rlly hilarious omg. saeran says it’s stupid and dumb at first but he obviously loves it... he laughs out loud a few times watching what people are saying abt him while he’s at yoosung’s and ppl hear it and are like “!!!! what is he laughing at??” 

yoosung: “ oh haha he’s lookin at the chat right now”

the chat: “omg he sees us!!!!” 

“saeran! reply if you’re real! we need proof!!!”

“there he is. the absolute madman”

“hi, saeran!” 

“you should sit by yoosung so we can see you!!” 

“saeran!! hello!! have you eaten?”

its so sweET and cute!! and i feel like maybe around this time as stuff like this continues happening.. a lot of viewers kinda assume or are starting to suspect that they’re dating? idk. 

maybe yoosung doesn’t outright say anything or confirm their relationship but there are a lot of clear signs like...yoosung moves away from his mic t talk to saeran more often (stuff like asking him what he wants for dinner, laughing abt some offhand comment he made)... the fact that saeran is at yoosung’s so often, too. it’s obvious that they’re very comfortable with each other and they seem close

and a biggest indicator is probably the way yoosung talks abt saeran when the chat notices he’s there in the bg? like:

“Aw, you guys, you’re making him embarrassed.”  or  “...Huh? Oh, don’t worry! He’s not replying because he’s really shy.”  or   “Haha, I think I can see him blushing!” 

this probably goes on for a pretty long time? a few months. gradually saeran appears more, comes over to comment on the game or how yoosung is playing, maybe cheer him on a little? while mostly staying out of sight... tho sometimes when he feels less anxious he’ll be directly behind or beside yoosung in the facecam feed. 

his viewers think he’s super cute when they see his face for the first time, and they say so in the chat. yoosung agrees w them like 

“Yeah. He really is, isn’t he?” 

and the chat Explodes again bc

that’s probably the first official confirmation in a stream that they’re in a relationship. saeran is embarrassed and flustered and annoyed but also kind of happy and he says “Shut the fuck up.” and covers his face w his hands and he’s Bright red but also smiling just a teeeny tiny bit behind his hands.

yoosung’s LOLOL friends are so relieved that they don’t have to keep it a secret anymore and they start teasing yoosung in streams almost as much they do when they’re just playin together casually

after that, ppl start suggesting/requesting that saeran and yoosung play games together on the stream!!!

 and at first theyre a lil hesitant for a few reasons? like, saeran still has a lot of issues and gets vvvvvery Anxious so it might be a bit stressful for him. and also that content would be so different than yoosung’s usual stuff.  

(also even tho they’re never that affectionate in streams bc saeran is iffy about pda, theyyyy... still worry a little about people bein’ dickbags bc its a mlm relationship and the internet can be a mean place... idk i also dont know how widely accepted same-gender couples are in south korea?? but ye) 

BUT a lot of ppl seem to want it!! 

so when saeran gains enough confidence, they do it!! they maybe make a separate channel for streaming that stuff. they just post recorded videos on his regular channel tho under a specific title and it’s its own little series.

and it turns out it’s almost as popular as his other content and does rlly well! 

occasionally they play LOLOL casually together but saeran isn’t rlly into it as much as yoosung is so mostly they play a bunch of different multiplayer games. they also play a lot single-player ones that are very story-driven or just. interesting in general.

a couple times they play horror games and those ones are really popular bc yoosung gets So Scared. he Hates horror games he’s so jumpy at everything and screams so loud. 

meanwhile saeran barely reacts. he might occasionally get surprised by a jump scare on his more anxious days but most of the time he’s like....... so.. calm. so unfazed by everything that viewers are like “what the fuck dude” “how is he so chill right now”

however... even tho the horror game streams/videos are rlly popular, they don’t do them that often bc yoosung gets legitimately scared often to a point where he doesn’t enjoy them lol ... its ok tho bc saeran snuggles him afterwords but. YyYYyeeah. yeah.

saeran and yoosung have a lot of fun and their viewers love them and it’s a very good fun pure thing n everyone is happy. 

the end

( really Unlikely but cute bonus for a few years later:  yoosung fucks up on the stream talkin w his buddies and accidentally mentions smth abt proposing to saeran before he actually does it and bc he’s streaming to a fuckton of ppl, it gets around so fast and saeran finds out right away. yoosung is so embarrassed and frustrated that he ruined the surprise )

.

god pleas e... talk to me about yooran. i need people to talk to about this ship so i can stop posting long things like this like a loser lol

[moidse]

Journal 9

im most likely gonna start therapy monday Woo!!

Okay so i have so much i need to vent

omg i miss them and love them so much i’ve never felt this towards someone.. like idk if im maturing or if i’ve just never been in love before or both but like they truly have pushed me so much to be a better person and i want to for me but a lot because i dont want to lose them.. they have been such a light and healthy influence in my life and i feel like shit because i have so much toxic energy and habits that pushed them away but at the end of the day we want different types of relationship dynamics but my heart still sings to be near theres and i dont think that will ever go away... we get along so well.. they became my best friend and that’s the T. and now i have no best friend and my old best friend.. we aren’t friends anymore so i just feel so alone.. i have such few genuine friends... i feel so awful and shitty like i didn’t know they weren’t thinking about it so black and white and were like maybe we could be just romantic and not have sex or maybe we could be friends and still have sex like omg i want that... i want to be friends and casually have sex i do not wanna stop having sex with them it was the best... but also i just honestly dont want them out of my life but i understand we are on two different paths.. they want to explore everywhere and i want to move to LA... i just really hope that when they wander to LA its at the same time I’m there because i dont want this to be over... and i am legit getting mega flashbacks of ending things with Alex and it’s a bit much tbh but i think it’s only cuz they have a lot in common and are both poly so a lot of my same insecurities have come up...

But like i do want to be a better person.. i really feel like i need to dive into this issue i have with being 2 versions of myself... its like im so afraid to be vulnerable and real to ppl ... like the T is i should be able to be the person i am with Ollie to everyone... I shouldn’t feel this anxiety introducing them to other people and I think Ollie has a point that if I am freaking out about something with them i should communicate directly to them... anything else is just wasted time and disrespecting them... i guess i just have fear like i have to filter my thoughts otherwise they will leave and its like they already left so ... thats gone... and it just sucks because i wanna be with them and omg ahh i cant imagine them in love with someone else and hearing about it omg that would crush me i cant... fuck if im single and haven’t moved on it will make me feel bad and that’s just facts.. it’s like i DONT want this to be like how me and alex split up... i want to be nice i want to be friends i do really love them and care about them and it’s honestly my problem that I ranted to my friends and made them sound bad to justify use being apart when the reality is its just me hiding from being open and honest about all of my toxic behaviors out of fear those friends will leave me and or judge me... 

I just never hold friends long. Ever. .. i feel like i push ppl away and no one really likes me... and it’s like Ollie said they wanna still be close to me and it’s like i would like that I just also know i’m going to have to unpack my jealousy issues because i know i am gonna be triggered as soon as you meet someone else and you tell me about them because i just have problems and a history of this and it’s like i always just think why aren’t we together they are better than me? ugh i wish i could just be poly and open and not jealous and be with them but at the end of the day they wanna move away soon which also hurts my heart to hear but like i dont wanna be a fucking ball and chain for them and when i said all i want is to be in LA with a big kid job and settle down with a dog they were like nooo... and its like i know thats not what they want and i feel like they tried to want what i want and i tried to want what they want and it just isn’t gonna work. 

its just so hard... like i feel like i have a tendency to talk shit about ppl that i can feel pulling away from me and rejecting me... its like i’m mean first because i can feel its not working out so im like im in charge and have control and could tell and its just not healthy and its like small minded... 

It’s like i really just need to truly accept that we can’t be together. it’s not good for us. ... it’s like if we are friends and have sex or have some sort of blending of relationship i feel like it will just make me mad and sad and frustrated... that’s literally what happened with alex... they tried to do that with me and i would get mad and lash out because i just felt hurt that they didn’t want to full on date me because that’s all i wanted and that’s what i kept thinking they also wanted but they didn’t and it’s like i assumed ollie wanted to still be with me and then they just dumped be out of the blue and they were like i didn’t say we were back together i was just being friendly and its like......... i feel like if we are friends i’m gonna be jealous and a wreck the whole time... i very much am like it’s either all or nothing...

lmao i stopped typing my thoughts cuz they texted me wanting to sext and come over and fuck me and now im trying to make it happen lol i was literally just saying i wanted to still fuck them too.. we are just too sexually compatible to stop. lol yay!! i missed my daddy <3 

[unproduciblesmackdown]

tfw hating life enough for a reeadmooore

‪yesterday afternoon i’d blocked out 3 pgs in my sketchbook & by that night i was thinking like well i’m so close to finished the sketchbook finally (ive been using it about a yr and a half by now) that i could just stop drawing when i hit the end there‬

but i’d mentioned the impending end of my sketchbook space a friend is already in the process of sending over some they havent ever used so that will at least mean if i stop drawing it’ll just have to be because i want to lol

like in this case it’s special b/c of course i’ve had periods where i’m like smh what if i just don’t draw anymore, but that’s tended to be about being frustrated w some element or other of it all. this time it was mostly just that every day of my life i have a tiny bit less motivation or energy or etc. yesterday i was thinking all day about offing myself, which i’d done the day before, and done today too

like, it’s nothing new, i’ve been hating being alive and wanting to kms and only moving in the direction of less disappointment to more disappointment and having to care less about things i previously cared about because for one reason or another things get to a point where it only adds frustration to my life anymore

but despite depression and wanting to die and life being miserble all being Not New, that doesn’t mean that it doesnt matter anymore, because after day after day after day after day after day of it for years and years, you’re in a worse place than you were a while back, even if you do feel the same. even a single day of wishing you were dead the whole time is shitty enough. feeling overall like even if you’re in a good mood now, you know your life is trash and you’re going to go back to feeling bad soon, is also shitty enough

like the thing that drawing had going for me is that, like reading and writing sometimes and even some other shit, it’s something i like to do. i do it for myself, really. but it helps that its the way i trick ppl into being here in the first place to see anything i’m talking about. i have really crap appeal. i mean i’m bad at being appealing thru shit i draw, but it’s still way more of something anybody wants vs like five yrs worth of my text posts. like...i have over 10x more followers than i did on a blog where i rarely drew anything ever

but anyways despite me drawing b/c i enjoy it, i enjoy enjoying things less. always in the middle of that “loss of interest in pleasure” life lol.......it doesn’t really matter how long i do or don’t keep drawing, b/c i mean, it doesn’t much matter to me whether i’m having fun or not. i can be enjoying drawing and still wanting to die, because that’s whats happening lol.....nothing that’s a personal factor of my life is all that important to me, because my personal existence is not that important to the person living it

also it sure hasnt helped that my sense of things like whether my life can get better or i’ll have the opportunity to pursue my nonexistent dreams or live an ideal version of my life that also doesn’t exist are all at all-time lows and only just getting lower day by week by month by year. the only way i can even look at cheering myself up is from a day-to-day perspective. and i can have a slightly more fun day than usual and then be extra down on the very next day b/c of how being a bit less numb means you’re crap-feeling emotions are now game too. and i’m very aware of how, if you’re not in a position that insulates you enough, if things get worse for you, that makes “things getting worse for you” more likely, and it’s an exponential drop that gets harder and harder to climb out of, and even if you move back up a notch out of good luck, you’re still just as likely to be knocked back down to where you were. the odds of me suddenly not only not fucking hating being alive but also having a life that doesnt fucking make me hate being alive? that’s a funny joke

‪also it’s frustrating that whether i feel good or miserable on any given day only really exists if i say something about it in a post like this lol... like i might feel awful one day but if i dont have it in me to spend ages writing about it, which is difficult also b/c putting feelings into words where ppl will only fully Get It if they’ve felt that way too, anyways if i dont write about how shitty i feel and post it then maybe later on when i’m feeling a little better or feeling a different kind of shitty, i also won’t be interested in being like “oh btw i felt awful the other day.” and if i don’t mention it, as far as everyone in the world knows, it was never a thing that happened, so it might as well not have. i mean, as a person i might as well not be happening, especially since i don’t want me to be happening lol‬

and like i was saying to someone the other day, its a lot harder via text to talk about shit b/c like, if you’re with a friend in person, you can talk abt boring or silly things and its easy and makes a good conversation. whereas talking via twitter means it would be clunky and time consuming to layout exactly had empty and depressing my existence is, and silly shit isn’t even worth the energy when you’re having a convo w lengthy gaps in it, so you can only really talk about the broadest, most interesting shit. which i don’t have much of, oh well

i do like talking and talking to people actually, it’s just rough when it’s all a few ppl online, even though i alsp extremely appreciate those people and enjoy the talking. it’s like, chatting to ppl online is like a piece of chocolate cake. it’s delicious and you love it, but it would be amazing if it was the extra bonus on top of getting solid meals every day, instead of it being the only thing you have to eat and you get it maybe once or twice a week and it’s still wonderful and is all the more valuable for it, but it isnt the same as getting enough to eat always, or Knowing you’ll keep getting enough to eat

anyways my social life is always its own special kind of depressing, even when i AM in the same place as friends. you’d have a hard time finding a situation where the concept of What I Have To Say seems interesting or even relevant to other ppl. and im not sure i’ve ever been in groups where i feel totally comfortable with everyone there and don’t feel out of place. so talking about the idea of knowing you always have access to someone to talk to or be with in person or having friends who you know you can hang out with and they actually like you and you still expect to have them a few yrs down the road—all that’s always been a “well, in theory i mean” or “at least, i imagine it would be like that” issue for me

tbh i generally feel the most comfortable enjoying myself when i do something alone; maybe it’s because i have more experience of ppl im around treating me really shittily than treating me well

ohhhhhh wellllllllllllllll what else do i have to talk about. hmmm the fact that feeling like i wanna die only seems to be regarded as an issue of “well are you gonna or not,” aka if you havent its a Victory and a happy situation instead of it being a matter of EVERY DAY I’M A CONSCIOUS ORGANISM I WISH I WAS DEAD AND MY EXISTENCE HAS BEEN HEADED IN THAT DIRECTION FOR AT LEAST THE LAST HALF OF IT

like how heartwarming that i’ve been actively suicidal for how many years? 6? 8? but i havent yet!! i always want to but just never get around to it and so this time for sure lol no more fooling around!! oh dammit and there goes another birthday still alive. like this is some elusive new years resolution or novel i mean to write.

funny i mention it because there’s practically nothing anymore that i want to do. even if i THOUGHT my life would ever become okay, i want fuckall out of it. i only exist, baby............and it’s like i said earlier, whenever i try to come up with a sad amount of potential motivations NOT to die, i have to realize that none of the shit is actually for me, or directly about me, or centered on me. like, this shit lost its charm ages ago.

well anyways. i suppose thats all i can think to say now. and it doesn’t make a difference whether i talk about my shitass existence and how crap i feel or not. it just gives the chance for a bit of it to exist in the world via a few other ppl being aware of it for a few minutes maybe, because who DOESNT want to thoroughly read a shit essay by some random weirdo about how everything sucks. the end