#a customer called while i was typing so i lost my train of thought lol

[lenskij]

Have you ever seen the operas Written on Skin or The Consul? If so, thoughts on either?

No, I haven't. 20th century or contemporary opera isn't really my thing... I go see them if my local opera house has a production, but at home I usually go for "tried and true" classics.

[thewritingginger]

8. “Like what you see?” - Kenshin x Reader

Thank you lovely anon for your request!

I got really excited when I saw someone requested for my bb :3

Although it did take a while to think of it cuz I wasn't quite sure where I wanted to go with this one, but this is what I figured out 

Enjoy ~

A/N: Oiran (were considered as a type of yūjo “women of pleasure” or prostitute)  this has a purpose lol and I just googled this so if its wrong sorry >.<

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“Come on Ken, loosen up a bit.” The suave warlord whined hitting the white haired mans shoulder. The two men where sitting on a large cushion on the back wall of a gentlemen’s club of sorts. 

“What do you mean? I agreed to come here with you already didn't I?” Kenshin’s monotoned voice cuts the air like a blade, sitting there with his leg popped up sipping his sake stoically. 

“Yeah you did. So since you’re out you gotta indulge yourself in the decadent wonders this place holds.” Gesturing with his arms open Shingen releases a hearty laugh putting his arm around the beautiful women propped up next to him. “All I wish to indulge in is my sake.” the cold dragon’s words make his friend shake his head. 

“Well since you’re gonna do nothing but pout next to me how about I get you a room that you can sit in by yourself. I’ll order you a bottle of sake and pickled plums.” Shingen offers. “Fine, if it means you’ll shut up.” “Great.”

Stopping at the entrance of a unoccupied room Shingen opens the door allowing Kenshin to enter. Before he closes the door Shingen leans in with a smirk playing on his lips, “And hey, if you find yourself a bit bored just give me a holler and I’ll hook you up with a real sweet lady.” With a wink and a click of his tongue he leaves Kenshin to roll his eyes. 

About an hour of time has passes and Kenshin is resting against the wall with his eyes relaxed closed, sake glass in hand. The sound of muffled laughter and music suddenly becomes clearer as if the door is being opened. Without even opening his eyes Kenshin speaks. “What do you think you are doing? This room is not open for occupuense, Get out!” His demanding words harsh enough to startle anyone. 

With the anonymous figure’s back turned to kenshin’s relaxed body. A soft voice breaks the silence, “I was hoping to serve you with some company, My lord.” “tsk” In annoyance not wanting use the energy it would take to scare the women off, Kenshin sternly reiterates his demands. “I have no desire for you women, now get out before I throw you out.” The sound of grit and furry is obvious in his words.

Waiting to hear a response or the door open, there is just silence. Then the subtle rustling of fabric is making its way closer towards Kenshin. Sensing the mystery women has drawn near he releases an irritated sigh. Not in the mood to play games, without even looking up Kenshin softly places his glass beside him and stands up and walk towards the unwanted guest, towering over the young women. About to ruthlessly throw this women out for pestering him, he’s temporarily frozen in place. Cause when he lands his gaze on the unknown women, he see’s you.

“Y/n?” 

A confused quirk of his brow and your name falling from his lips, you give nothing but a smile. Now with both of you standing you begin to stroll in a circle around his stunned form. Quite amused with his reaction, you chortle. “What seem to be the problem Lord Kenshin?” Standing behind his shoulder, your breath hitting his ear, “Do you wish for me to take my leave so soon?” You question sweetly. Still wracking his brain for what you are doing, you saunter over to where Kenshin was residing in moments prior. Sitting with your legs to the side you lightly pat the open spot next to you. “Wont you do me the honor of joining me my lord?” You ask with an innocent curve of your lips and a gleam in your eyes. 

Taking a seat next to you Kenshin starts, “Y/n what are doing here, dressed like that.” Questioning you while his gaze trails down your body admiring the high quality silks in brilliant colors that adorn your figure. “I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong person my lord. I’m just simply here to be your subservient oiran for the night.” With a mischievous glint in your eyes, Kenshin sees the game you are trying to play. This sparked his intrigue.

Reclining himself back onto his hands, Kenshin sighs, an amused toothy smirk pulls at his lips, “Oh my mistake. So what exactly are you going to do to keep me company?” His words come out oozing in sexual energy. 

You smile, “Well, that's up you to decide.” You state, still playing your innocent facade, but he can feel the way your eyes are carving themselves into his body. Taking a moment, feigning to be in thought. The anticipation building, his lips part. 

“Stand up!” 

His words come out flat with no room to argue. Looking at you expectedly, you stare back trying to figure out what's going on in that mind of his. And growing impatient he states again with more force, “I said, Stand. Up.”

Not breaking eye contact you begin to rise on your feet and move in front of him. Before you can say anything in return he speaks again, “Stand back a bit I want a good view of you.” Still confused at what he trying to pull, you oblige. Taking a few steps back you cant help but let out a small chuckle, “Is this want you wanted?” Paying no mind to your question Kenshin speaks again, “Stop!” not moving an inch further you see a slight shift in the way Kenshin is looking at you. 

Before, his stare was soft and light hearted, seeing him play along with your little scheme was exciting. But now? Now his orbs are scanning your body with a predatory gaze, feeling as if he is devouring you inch by inch with that sadistic glint in his eyes. 

“Strip!” 

With just that one word you felt your body start to move on its own. Undoing the obi around your waist Kenshin intervenes again, “Slower!” With each single worded command you begin to feel warmth brewing deep within you. “Of course my lord.” Your submissive words stoke the flame beginning to burn in Kenshin. His eyes following every movement you make, unable to escape that domineering look, your heart continues to beat fast. Meticulously watching the way the rich fabric seems to glide against your skin, noting how perfect your flesh looks, smooth and untouched. 

The rise and fall of your chest, the small parting of your plump lips and that enthralled haze in your eyes. All of that just inflating his pride, he's got you right where he wants you. 

Fluidly dropping your arms to your sides, you allow the exquisitely crafted kimono to pool at your feet, to be forgotten. 

Standing there in all your glory, baring yourself to the God of War, that seems lost in your beauty. You pull him back to you with your words, “You like what you see?”

Tilting his head to the side, with an eye brow raised examining your appearance. Standing there watching as his eyes hungrily roam your delicate physique, you begin to feel your cheeks become warm with embarrassment.

The seconds of intense silence feel like hours, not knowing whether to say something or not Kenshin beats you to it. 

“I’m quite pleased.” An amused grin accompanies his words as he stands up.

Making his way over to you, arms crossed, his eyes still scanning you as he makes a circle around you. Standing completely still, with only your eyes to follow his movements. You feel him stop behind you, nothing but the sound of your heart beat to be heard. 

In this thick silence you feel a large rough hand begin to trace a line down your spine, you feel your legs wobble. His voice so close to your ear, his hot breath setting you on fire. “Tell me, how experienced are you in being an Oiran?” You could hear the underlying teasing tone in his question. As he sweeps the hair thats cascading down your back over your shoulder your response comes out a bit shaky. “N-not very. You are actually my first customer.” Trying to even your voice became noticeably difficult due to the excitement coursing through your veins.

“Is that so.” Pleased by your shaken response he continues his way around you, hand softly gliding across your waist. Now back in front of you, hand on your waist, his form seeming to tower over you. “Than I intend to be gentle with you this time.” His words dripping in sadistic intent. You feel a burst of lust irrupt within you. Feeling giddy for what those words could entail.

Looking up at him through your lashes you speak, “You’re very thoughtful my lord. Please allow me to repay you in kind for your generosity.” A sweet smile paints your lips as your hands move towards the belt holding his Kimono closed. 

Your small delicate digits working the knot out smoothly. Slowly pulling it with one hand till you can drop it to your side. You watch as the front of his kimono slacks and begins to open. 

Taking a step closer, running your palms up his clothed chest you reach his collar. Hooking your thumbs with the fabric you start to strip him of his clothing, drawing your hands over his shoulders and down his arms. As the fabric falls to the floor, you slide your fingertips lightly up his strong arms. Your eyes roam his chiseled figure. you begin to mindless trace the small scars that scatter his battle worn body. Admiring the peaks and valleys of his well trained build.

Every subtle caress of your fingers electrifies Kenshin and drives his desire for you wild. After you’re done admiring his body your eyes meet with his. A playful smirk appears as you trail your hands up his torso to wrap around his neck.

“I guess they don't call you a God for nothing.” Your words wrapped in an air of seduction, that innocent facade completely gone. That burning look in your orbs sets Kenshin ablaze. 

Standing silently in this locked gaze, your faces inch towards each other, your lips just a breath away. “There will be no guessing once I'm finished with you!” His words so close and hot, you feel them almost searing into you.

Then as if something had snapped, your lips crash together. In this fight for dominance, you are pushed back against the wall with a thud. Your raging passion bouncing off one another, your energies intermingling. Hands begin to wonder and explore the most intimate parts of each other. 

Sinking to the floor, his weight now on top of you. He pulls away, heaving. Trying to catch the breath you both lost in the moment . Both hands firmly planted on either side of your head, “You’re so beautiful.” His right hand comes up to caress your flushed cheek, his fingers tickling your hot skin down your neck and to your chest. “So perfect.” 

Leaning down till his face is level with your neck he starts placing small kisses between each word. “I wonder what would happen if I were to bite this supple skin. What kind of wondrous marks could I leave behind to prove I was here? How long would they last till I would need to add more?” 

The bass in his voice, the meaning behind each word, and the passion exuding from each syllable was all enough to make you become undone right then and there. But Kenshin isn’t just satisfied telling you, he wants to show you. He needs to show you!

His breath tingling your neck, “How many would it take to show others that you have been claimed? That you are mine.” Wanting so desperately to find out, to get answers to those burning questions that are swirling around in your head making you dizzy, you say “ W-why don't you find out.” 

Granting him entrance with your muttered words he begins his attack on your neck and shoulders. Gentle suctions and teeth grazing your skin, small pink and purple marks start to appear. Being carful to leave no surface untouched. Trailing marks down your torso, one by one inching closer to your core. The anticipation is exhilarating looking down to see his animalistic stare locked on you. Observing every reaction you have to his tactful caresses. 

Reaching your heat he pauses for a moment, taking in your state. The way you are so open to him, showing him a part of yourself that no other man gets to see. Taking his hand his drags his finger along your folds. Feeling how wet you are, gathering your essence on his finger making your whole being shudder. Eyes thoughtfully watching his digit playing with your heat. Enjoying the soft mewls falling from your mouth. “Your arousal is so incising.” He speaks, his eyes looking up to meet with yours as he licks your slick from his fingers.  “It’s sweet like nectar.” aligning himself with your entrance he take a slow drag of his tongue, savoring your taste in his mouth. 

Needing to hear your voice he begins to suck your sensitive bud. Holding your legs tightly with his arms, your thighs pressed against his ears, the increasing moans and pleads you’re making all just making Kenshin more hungry for your pleasure. Plunging two fingers into your core, commanding your body to bend to his will, needing more from you. Curling his fingers, stimulating your g-spot he begins to feel your sex clench around him indicating your first release of the night. Intending to have you cum on his tongue fuels his aggressive desire. Your hands tangled in his locks, the slight sting of your pulling mixed with pleasure of hearing you call his name makes all his efforts worth it. 

The intense sensation of the pleasurable stimulation brought you to your end. The coil within you finally snapping under the pressure, and your release consumes you. Your mind goes blank as you squeeze your eyes shut in immense pleasure, your legs trembling and your voice flowing out of you filling the room. With Kenshin’s Fingers and mouth continue to bring you higher and higher, unable to control the sounds and movements of your body. 

After a few moments of complete bliss you begin to come down from your high, trying to catch your breath, your body still experiencing aftershocks of your orgasm. 

Kenshin surfaces to be face to face with you. Bringing you in for a kiss you taste yourself on his lips. Laying there flushed and exhausted gazing up into his eyes Kenshin sits up and states, “You think the was all I was going to do with you? I’m not quite satisfied with your performance.” 

Before you can respond Kenshin is already rubbing his tip at your entrance. Warming himself up to immerse himself in your body.  Pushing his girth into your soft insides, he releases a guttural groan. Beginning to pump strong powerful strides his head falls back in euphoria. The way your body pulls him in and squeezes his length. How your body is able to give him such paradise is beyond him. Words of praise begin to mindlessly spew from him mouth. 

“God, you body is immaculate. The wonders it bestows upon me is unimaginable. To think that such an exquisite being could exist in this world.” 

Hands fondling your hips and breasts, his lips occupying as much of your neck as possible. Burying his face in your hair, taking in your scent continuing to worship your body and all the fruits it bears for him to taste. 

His movements become sporadic as he desperately grasps for his climax. Wanting to release himself deep inside you, to mark you as his. With the finish line in sight his motions pickup speed, His grunts and moans become louder in your ear. “Oh Kenshin.” Your words spoken like a preyer, encouraging him over the edge. Your nails digging into his back, Feeling as if you cant get close enough you wrap your legs tightly around his waist pulling him in more, assisting in his thrusts. 

All you could do in this moment is chant his name as if it’s the only thing keeping you on earth. Moments later you feel a blazing warmth spread within you, feeling his seed fill your womb. His body jerking from the intense waves of stimulation. 

A few minutes have past, nothing but the sounds of your gasps and the people outside the door fill the room. His body relaxed in your touch you gingerly caress the side of his head bringing his attention to your eyes. 

Propped up gazing into each others eyes as you bask in the afterglow of your passionate sex you break the silence,

“Aren't you glad I stayed.” you say with a cheeky grin.

Shacking his head with a laugh as he flashes that smile you love, “Immensely.” Flipping over so you are on top of him he adds, “But I do believe I was told you were mine for the night.” Those words tied with that mischievous look in his eyes tells you that you’ve got a long night ahead of you.

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Golly gosh that took a while to make lol

I spent a few days writing this and taking breaks idk I just kept getting a bit stumped but I did it 😄

If you’re reading this, I hope you enjoyed it 

And if you have any suggestions of what I should write in the future just send me a message and I'll try my best to deliver :3

💛 ~

[toast-tit]

Piano Man

Chapter Eight

mob!Tom x reader

Warnings: language, violence

A/N: Thank god this is the last chapter holy shit. I liked writing this but ngl there was no outline so I was pulling everything out of my ass and it shows lol. Anywho...I’ll probably have something else within the next few weeks or if any of you guys have any requests I’ll take them.

Summary: The Ecclesiastes Pub catered to a plethora of people. Prostitutes, college students, successful businessmen and London’s most wanted. Bartenders and waitresses learned to tune out conversations from their customers quickly if they wanted to keep their head. However, people will still come looking for trouble, even if that trouble revolves around Tom Holland, the most feared mob boss around.

~ ~ ~

I woke up to the faint beeping of the heart monitor, signifying the fact that I was still alive. Blinking rapidly, I tried to get ahold of my surroundings until I realized I was in the hospital. Beside me were two large vases of flowers and some other gifts and the walls were a blinding white that I had no desire to see ever again. I sat up and groaned at the pain, wishing there was more morphine in my system.

To my right, Harrison was on his phone, tapping his foot obnoxiously. “Can you please stop doing that?” I croaked and his head shot up, clearly surprised that I was awake. “Holy fuck, you’re up,” he was breathless and stood up, about to rush out of the door and when I told him to stay.

“I need to tell Tom, Y/N,” he argued, but I shook my head. “I have questions,” I began to stutter around the last word, more or less because I was exhausted and would kill a man to go back to sleep. Harrison shook his head and shrugged, “Tom knows a lot more than I do. Let me get him.”

Harrison called Tom’s name and I heard shoes clang against the tile of the hospital, almost like he was running. Tom came into the room and his eyes widened at the fact that I was moving and awake. “Y/N,” his voice was barely audible. Before he came in, I figured I wouldn’t feel anything, it would just be him being concerned and whatnot, but I was dead wrong. Seeing his face was like flying; I felt the feeling in my stomach and chest that you get before you fall from a great height. My heart was practically living in my ass currently and my breathing began to quicken and I felt tears coming. It was almost definite by now that I was in love with him.

Tom had a few bruises and scratches on his face, but they looked pretty healed. Nevertheless, he looked fucking hot like that, like a sexy pirate or something. There was a look of concern and happiness plastered on his face and I badly wanted him to hug me, even if it would’ve been painful.

He made his way to my bedside and asked, “How do you feel?” His voice was soft and full of concern. I smiled lopsidedly and moved a little bit, wincing as I did so, “Like I got hit a fucking train. What about you? I see some battle wounds.” I lifted a shaking hand and placed it on his face, my thumb circling over a cut on his lip. He smiled slightly and put his hand over mine, “Nothing as serious as yours. Are you sure you’re fine? You can go back to sleep.”

I shook my head, “No, I have questions.” Tom nodded along, “Okay then, what are they?” “How long was I here, Tom?” I asked him and he put his hand on mine and stroke my thumb. “You were in a coma for six days, love. You lost so much blood they thought you weren’t going to make it,” he answered.

“Then how am I still here?” I asked. Harrison piped up, “Your blood type is very rare, Y/N, and it’s the same as mine, so I donated almost two pints.” “Jesus, that could’ve killed you!” I exclaimed, my throat hurting as my voice grew louder. Harrison shrugged, “I took my chances. I felt exhausted afterward, but not to the point where I was going to die.”

I felt tears welling in my eyes, gratitude washing over me. “Thank you so much,” a tear ran down my cheek and Harrison grinned happily. He winked and said cheekily, “You’re owe me one now, Y/L/N.” Giggling slightly, I sighed and asked, “When can I leave?”

Tom pondered for a moment before he said, “Tomorrow, I believe. But if you’re beginning to feel better, we can always do early checkout.” “Excellent,” I said whilst standing and stretching, wincing at the soreness. Harrison and Tom exchanged looks, but they did not doubt me. Instead, they helped me take the IVs out (which hurt like a motherfucker 10/10 would not recommend) and bring me a wheelchair so that they could escort me out.

It was a brisk Monday morning; the wind demanded to be acknowledged by those who dared to trek outside and the sun was hiding behind the clouds as if it were shy. The cool weather felt good and the fresh air was almost euphoric. I closed my eyes and soaked in whatever I could. “If you want to get a tan, I suggest a salon,” Harrison opened the car door for me and I entered giving him a dirty look.

I took a look of myself in the mirror and I wanted to cry. There was an ugly scar around my throat surround by massive blotches of purple, blue, and yellow. The bruises on my neck were either big or fingerprint shaped. My face was also very bruised and there was a scar on my cheekbone from I know not what. I’ve never really been insecure about what I had looked like before, but now I felt undeserving of the outside world. I felt like I should just cover up and stay quiet.

The ride home was indeed quiet. I stared out the window and pondered the manner of things as Tom and Harrison quietly conversed. They’d ask for my opinion on a few things, but never often. Harrison pulled into the house and Tom helped me out. My leg was still a bit bum, so he let me lean on him for support as we made our way in.

“You hungry?” Tom asked as he walked to the kitchen. I smiled shyly and shook my head. I instead went to the sink and filled a glass of water, downing it in seconds and then refilling the glass for a second. Tom leaned against the counter and looked at me. His eyes scanned up and down my body, making me feel like I should cover up more despite being in sweats. “Something wrong?” I asked, taking another sip of my water. He sighed and said, “You lost a lot of weight from the coma, just took me by surprise.”

I shrugged, “I’ve been meaning to lose some fat off my stomach for a while.” The two of us chuckled awkwardly, a thick silence began to shroud over us. “I’ll probably gain the weight back anyway once I get back in the gym with Harrison and all,” I sliced open the silence, “I’m sort of looking to build muscle more than anything. Plus, your cooking’s pretty phenomenal.”

Tom smiled sheepishly before he killed it off right away with a grimace. “I need to show you something,” he lightly wrapped his hand around my wrist and pulled me along. Tom opened a door and I was led downstairs into the basement, thought it seemed like a medieval dungeon with how poorly it was lit.

Any noise or humming that you could hear upstairs was immediately terminated from the basement. The only things I could hear were our footsteps and our breathing. As we kept going, I grew more anxious, asking Tom what was wrong.

Soon enough, he led to a closed door and he let go of my wrist. “Before I open this door, Y/N, I just want you to know that I’m deeply in love with you,” he was sincere, which scared me, “I know that we started on the wrong foot and we still might be on the wrong foot, but I’ve never met anyone who could get as close to me as you did. It’s only been weeks I know, but-“ “Tom please tell me what’s happened,” I cut him off, not being able to hear anymore.

He sighed and opened the door, letting me go first. Tentatively, I stepped in and took a look around the room. To my left, Cooper was in chains, a sock stuffed into his mouth. His face was unrecognizable and his clothes were tattered; he was practically dead. I covered my mouth with my hand and backpedaled into the wall, memories of that night plaguing my mind, and yet I didn’t want to leave. I couldn’t, something was compelling me to stay.

I looked at Tom, “What is this?” My voice started to waver. After all, Cooper tortured me. I was going to be afraid of him, even if I was protected by Tom. “An ultimatum,” Tom whispered, pulling a gun out of the waistband of his pants. He opened my palm and placed the gun in my hand and said, “I’m not a good person, Y/N, never was. I don’t want to hurt you anymore than you have been, so here’s the choice. You can end Rigsby’s suffering with a bullet to the head and live with the guilt, staying with me, or you can give the gun to me and live the rest of your life happily and we’ll never meet again.”

I looked at the gun in my hand, and then I looked at Tom. He was going to define our relationship by the murder of a man. Even worse, it was the man who had tortured me and killed his brother. I was surprised Cooper wasn’t dead already, having to face six days of Tom’s wrath, and by the looks of it, it was worse than hell.

Turning the gun over in my hand, I examined it. Could I do this? Could I kill another man? All so that I could be with someone who could grow tired of me in a matter of weeks? I ran a finger down the barrel, feeling the rough texture glide against my nail. I had never held a gun before, even though I lived in the most dangerous part of London, it was just something I never could do.

Tom stood stoically, analyzing my movements and body language, trying to pick out what I was doing, I could tell. He was just as nervous as I was, but he portrayed nonchalance well. “Well?” He asked. Taking one more look at Cooper, who watched me with tired eyes and Tom who watched me with anxious ones, I sighed and said, “You’re insane.”

Tom hung his head down, “I know.” He walked towards me and began to take the gun from my hand when I aimed at Cooper’s head and shot. I didn’t stop at one, I kept going, feeling the gun kick back each time a bullet left the magazine. By now, I was in a blind rage from that had happened. Each bullet began to signify a person: Ellen Rhie, Chester Harris, Harry Holland, Tom, and me.

Soon enough, I was pulling the trigger and hearing the click. I kept clicking before I fell to my knees and sat in silence, looking at the practically headless corpse of what was once my closest friend. Does friendship always end this way? In the end, one person makes the choice that pulls the trigger and you’re left in chains, without a heart to love or a mind to believe what had happened.

“You’re insane to think I’d ever leave you,” I met Tom’s eyes. He looked at me with compassion and adoration, something I longed to feel and I did. He held out a hand and helped me up, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling me closer. His breath tickled my lips and I oh so badly wanted to close the gap between us. “Are you sure this is what you want?” He asked.

I pulled back and stared into his face. Flashes of memories seeped into my mind as I recalled the night we first met and how I “saved his life”. We were both even now, I guess. I remembered how scared I was to even be breathing the same as him and I remembered every single time he went batshit crazy. The man was crazy and he will never stop being crazy; he has an organization to run after all. But was I crazy? Was I mad to even let my feet fall to the floor as I worshipped his presence? Would it be deemed insanity if I admitted to loving him with each passing second? Or was I crazy to even consider leaving him, even though he was my life support?

After a long silence, I grinned and nodded, “It is.” Tom sighed and smiled too. He leaned in and we kissed, fireworks exploding in my heart. I pulled away and rested my forehead on his. “I love you too,” I breathed and he chuckled. “I figured after the seventh or eighth bullet,” he retorted and I slapped him on the arm.

We pulled away and he held out his arm. “My love,” he said and we both linked arms and walked out the door, ready to face the future we now shared.

TAG LIST:

@nobodyslord @financialinstability @spider-stud @wywholland @magical-fairy-princess-stuff

[smilingperformer]

SM080 - Thoughts

Man, I really enjoyed this episode. We saw nice group dynamics, nice focus on Lilie and for me, few surprises! Let’s get started with our newest episode:

A Sand's Storm! An Ice Hole Double Battle!!

As I suspected a week ago, this episode is a direct continuation from last week’s episode, as the Alola Squad are heading back to Ferry terminal to go back to Melemele from their Observatory trip. I still find it odd Kukui isn’t there with them, but he probably decided to stay over at his best friend Mullein’s place for the day! He can trust the kids to take care of themselves ;D Anyway, Mamane knows the shortcut they found and they enter it.

Inside, they enter a cave with glowing moss that lights the cave. To me, it seems like this excites Garagara so much that it causes it to go on a bit of an excitement rampage, and here’s where the episode’s plot kicks in: Bakugames accidentally activates its spikes when trying to stop Garagara and kids get seperated with following groups: Kaki & Satoshi, Satoshi’s Pokemon plus Bakugames, Suiren with Garagara & Rotom and lastly the group with main focus: Lilie with Mao and Mamane!

Since the other groups really don’t have much focus and are simple sideplots, I’ll explain them right away: Kaki and Satoshi get in trouble with Satoshi stepping on different pokemon (we’re only shown Gantle/Boldore but Kaki says about others like Diglett) and being really lost in the caves (managing to find the other exit to Lanakila Mountain lol), and Suiren’s group just has Rotom doing the same thing he always does: explains each branching route having same chance of being the correct one, and Suiren just choosing the right one on the fly (she’s really good!) And the Pokemon group has Lugarugan finding their way out because he’s able to sniff the way out. Now that I’ve explained these sideplot groups quick, let’s get on with the main plot group!

Right away, I must say I’m extremely happy with them choosing to go with this group. Since the episode mainly focuses on Lilie, it’s great to have her closest friends to be there supporting her. First half of the episode is kinda slow, but it gives nice dialogue regarding each kid.

Mao talks about how she enjoyes seeing people’s happy faces whe eating good food, and once again tells us how her dream is to keep on living with seeing happy faces of her customers in Aina Cafeteria! Such a sweet dream Mao has. ♥ She feels embarrased talking about it, but it’s understandable!

Mamane then reveals how he wants to become an Astronaut! How cute is that? This is something a lot of kids dream about at their age, and I’m so happy with Sun & Moon giving kids very relatable dreams this time around! He explains how he wants to be able to explore the sea of stars. ♥ Never change Mamane!

When Mao asks Lilie about her dream, we get a confirmation of what I was suspecting for quite a while: she doesn’t have one right now. She did spend a lot of her life trying to re-learn to touch Pokemon, and when it finally got solved, she’s been mostly enjoying the fact that she’s able to touch them and get closer to them as well. And this is totally fine! Not every kid has a dream right of the pat. Even Serena didn’t have a dream, she basically just ran away from her mom’s dream with the first chance she saw, with returning the handkerchief to Satoshi. Anyway, back to this episode, I find it great that both Mao and Mamane tell her it’s fine that way. Such great supporting friends ♥

The trio then hears some noice which turns out to be a group of Alolan Sand training with each other, one of them being bigger than others.

I so love how Togedemaru gets all crush-like here. Look at her eyes. She gets so excited about the sight that she starts rolling towards them. Mamane tries to stop her, but the Alolan Sand notice them and then surround them. Another cute scene happens thou!

One of the Alolan Sand notice Mao’s pouch of cookies, sniffing it with growling stomach. Mao then gives it a cookie, and it cautiously takes it and eats it. The two groups then bond by eating cookies together. It’s a really cute sight ♥

Lilie and the big Sand seem to be bonding here, with Sand letting Lilie to pet it, and seeming to enjoy it! It’s such a nice moment ;v; This is where the peaceful sight is disturbed when Sand start heading to another location, and the kids decide to follow. Cue break time!

After break time, the kids find their way to a cave spot that has a beautiful Ice Castle like structure. Lilie comes to the conclusion with marks all over the place that this is Sand’s territory, and that they have carved out this beautiful sight.

What is also discovered is that a Bangiras has come to Sand’s territory, and ain’t exactly a friendly guy here. Sand try to fight it, but their tactic really isn’t working. This scene is where the plot really starts running for Lilie!

Bangiras uses Sandstorm move, and it manages to get Shiron flying, Lilie running after her. What happens next is that Bangiras uses Stone Edge, causing Sand to get caught in it and ceiling collapsing, seperating Lilie from Mao and Mamane.

It honestly looks like she got crushed here, but I’m glad it was just next to her lol. What happens next thou is what really matters to Lilie’s plot.

The Sand aren’t doing too good with the fight, most being too scared of Bangiras and with the rampage going on, ceiling is breaking more and more, causing the fear of everything breaking around the place. Lilie being the only one on their side at this moment, she wonders what she should do. And what does she decide?

YES!

YES YOU GO GIRL! She’s taking the initiative, going into the action. Mao and Mamane being her closest friends, are worried about her going at it alone, and start trying to get passed the barrier of ice that is between them.

Addition of Mao Kick is honestly the best thing I’ve seen of her as of now, and if you ask me, this is so Amajo/Tsareena-esque. I just evolved my Amamaiko/Steenee, and her pokedex talks about it being an aggressive personality with mastery of kicking. I do not doubt that we’ll be seeing Amamaiko evolving to Amajo in time! It fits this Mao Kick personality perfectly, to a T!

Meanwhile Mamane tries to eat the icea while Pokemon do their moves to get through the ice lol. I love this scene so much!

Meanwhile, Lilie commands Shiron to use Hail to get the Sandstorm out of the way, giving the Ice-Types the better weather to battle in. Lilie’s dialogue of asking to assist Sand is so her. She won’t barge in to help, she’ll ask if they’ll accept the help! She even tells Bangiras that it should leave the place before taking the action, as in to tell it to take the chance to leave before the battle begins!

What’s amazing is that we’re reminded of how observant Lilie is of past events, remembering Lychee’s skills on being able to command two Pokemon so perfectly in a double battle, other one providing support while other one goes on the offence. Lilie is gonna utilize what she learned from Lychee’s Grand Trial with Satoshi, using Shiron as support and the bigger Alolan Sand as offence. Which is good strat, she knows Shiron only knows one offensive move, while has a great support move with Aurora Vail.

Also quickly to add, Lilie’s theme called “Steely Lillie“ is playing in the background while this battle is happening, and I started crying when I heard it. ;v; It’s great to hear her own theme playing here, showing how she’s growing!

Lilie’s doing great in the battle btw, really showcasing her skills of actually learning from what she’s seen others do! That’s her strenght really, having good observing skills! Her hand movements are also very Gladio-like, you can clearly see the two are siblings :D

Y’know, it’s quite amazing that Lilie’s able to command a wild Sand so flawlessly. It’s like Sand trusts her to guide it to do the right moves. Before letting Lilie aid, all it did was blindly come crashing on Bangiras, not really doing any strategic moves. And we saw how little effect it had. With Lilie in command, the moves are coordinated and thought out, and Hail there to help the Ice Types out, is at a better position now.

In the end, the battle is won, and Bangiras is defeated! It tries to get up and fight back, but is not frightened by Sand, and flees from the scene.

Mao and Mamane finally get bassed the Ice Barrier blocking them off, and praise Lilie with what I explained above! Just look at how supportive these two are of Lilie ♥

Meanwhile, the other groups get united outside the caves, Kaki showing how much he loves his Pokemon (such an enthusiastic child!).

I kinda skipped about the fact that Mokuroh was with Satoshi all along, but instead of being of help, was care-freely sleeping in the bag. What a cutie.

However, our Main group is still with the Sand, helping them repair the damage Bangiras caused. While doing this, Mamane’s Denjimushi finds what was teased in the first preview!

Apparently this place is a Mine for the Ice Stones, and they conclude that Sand probably come there to evolve. This is where the case I very much suspected the moment we saw the preview happens!

The big Sand touches the stone, and evolves into Alolan Sandpan. Now take a very close look at the scene.

Shiron sees this happen, and if you ask me, she sounds kind of confused. Not sure of what exactly happened to Sand. This plays a part in what happens later in the episode! Trust me, it does. But first, the reward!

Turns out, Alolan Sand was a future Totem Sandpan, and as a thank you for helping it out with protecting the territory, it rewards Lilie with her own Ice-Z crystal! I didn’t see this coming at all! All I suspected was that Sand evolves to Sandpan, and that’s all. I’m very happy with Pokeani giving Lilie the reward in form of a Z-crystal, as I certainly believe she deserves it, esp. after that battle she did!

Lilie shows hesitation due to not owning a Z-Ring as of now, but Mao and Mamane tell her she’ll most likely get on any day now, so she gets couraged to actually take the Z-Crystal from Sandpan.

Look how happy she is! Gosh why am I tearing at this sight ;v;

Ice-Z, getto da ze! Lilie, I couldn’t be more proud!

The two groups now reunite, Mamane bragging about the having a great adventure, compared to others just being lost and having not-so-great time. :D

Brief explanation later, Lilie showcases her Ice-Z to others. They’re all so happy for Lilie’s accomplishment! ♥ But wait, there’s more!

Denjimushi found another Ice Stone!! OH. MY. GOD!!!! Another thing I didn’t see coming! They actually managed to make both Alolan Sand evolve with Ice Stone and give Lilie her own! Yes, Mamane being a good friend she is, gives the stone to Lilie.

Suiren asks this question, and remember when I said that Shiron’s reaction from earlier to Sand’s evolution comes into play? Well, this is that moment! She doesn’t sound thrilled, more like confused. Her ‘Koo’ sounds asking. Lilie being the kind person she is, she decides to ask Shiron what she wants to do. Take a very close look!

I don’t know about you guys, but to me it clearly looks like Shiron is scared of the stone, hiding behind Amamaiko instead of touching it. I’m pretty sure this was because of what she saw with Sand’s evolution to Sandpan. She’s scared of what could become of her. She’s still a child anyway.

That said, I don’t think Shiron stays as Rokon the whole series. This is not a similar case to Pikachu or Pochama. Pochama wanted to keep on being of use to Hikari while remaining Pochama, and Pikachu wants to prove it can be powerful without evolving! Those two cases are similar, but with Shiron, it’s more of a case of being scared of the unknown.

Even Lilie remarks that it’s just not time for her yet. Others are excited to see Shiron evolve to Kyokon someday, and I’m just as excited as well! Also to see her Z-move!

I love these kids. Supportive of each other, helping each other out, it’s the kind of friends group anyone would want for themselves, right? I know I do!

The end of the episode! Sorry for the delay on the episode, had other stuff I wanted/needed to do instead. But I’m glad I managed to talk about them! Lilie got great focus for herself, and even if I skipped talking about it in closer look, Kaki and Satoshi moments were so great for Z-ringshippers. :D But Mao, Mamane and Lilie’s group dynamic was definitely the highlight for me! ♥

In the Pokeproblem segments, we’re shown how Kaki accompanied the kids back to Melemele Island, even thou he could have easily gone back to Akala island with his Lizardon way earlier. He’s a caring kid ♥

Next week, Suiren gets her lying skills into action again, and we are back to Battle Royal Arena, with Royal Mask and newly born Royal Satoshi teaming up with their firey cats against none other than... Bourgain? The newly introduced antagonist from SM070! This episode looks to be incredible, and what’s more, Nyaheat is most definitely learning a new move!

Cya next week folks!

[theres-no-paradise]

Sorry not Sorry

Chapter 5

Summary: A random number wakes you up early on a Saturday morning. But it doesn’t stop there. The stranger keeps on sending messages, and you have no idea what is happening, when you start to develop feelings for the unknown person.

Pairings: Tom Holland  x Reader [submit your name: How it works]

Y/N your Name

Y/F  your friends name

Word Count:  2159

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3 Part 6 

Warnings: There will be swearing for sure, lots of sarcasm

A/N: Here we go with Part 5 of Sorry not Sorry. Its getting more personal between Reader and Tom and we are slowly working ourselves to the middle of the Story. So dont worry, there is still plenty to come haha  Thank you all, for liking, reblogging and sending me all these nice comments about this fic. It really motivates me to write more :) 

The last couple of days have been a huge pain in the ass for you. Not only did Tom barely Text you, but you also had a tough time at work. Earlier, it was Tom’s Birthday and you sent him a message, that you wished him a good time and that all his wishes may come true for him. You know, just the usual stuff you text when its someones birthday. He did thank you for that and asked for your day too, but his answers were bare and short. He seemed to be either busy or wasn’t interested anymore in texting you and since you trended to be a pessimist, you thought that he might have had enough of you in the first place.

That was until you had a breakdown once you arrived back home from an awful day at work, which made it even worse when you had a fight with Y/F and lost your Oyster Card. You chose to text Tom because there was no one else you wanted to rant about your problems right at this time.

You:  Do you sometimes have these days where you wanna throw everything away and leave the country?

You sent the message and dropped down onto your bed. It wasn’t late and the sun shone brightly through your windows this afternoon but it didn’t light up your mood. You’d be down for some dramatical rain right now, but the weather decided against it as if it tried to tell you not to worry about it. As you lay there, your mobile buzzed and you grabbed it immediately, still being on the bed.

Not Tom Hardy :(: You need a one way ticket to Cambodia?

You smiled softly at his response and typed as quickly as you could. You really needed to get out this negative energy that had been building up in yourself.

You: absolutely. I’ve been having the worst day ever and I don’t know who to talk to… except you. So, I’m sorry to bother you with my problems, but I really need to get it out

 Not Tom Hardy :(: don’t worry about it. I’m sorry you’re having a bad day. What happened?

 You: I just messed up everything today. The whole week has been terrible so far anyway but today was the cherry on top. I had an argument with a client, that kind of ended bad and I think we lost this person as a customer for future bookings. And afterwards I totally forgot to meet up with my best friend and I let her wait for me for an hour and she called me and I didn’t hear her calls because my phone was on silence and when I called her back later, she was furious and mad at me. I couldn’t even explain myself for having a bad day. And to top it off… I even lost my oyster card. Only realized that, when I left the train station today and couldn’t sign out. I hate everything

 Not Tom Hardy :(: Calm down Y/N everything will be alright.  Just because you had an argument with a customer, doesn’t mean you do a bad job at work. I bet your boss appreciates you and your hard work. Sometimes, people can be shitty and we all do mistakes, don’t forget about that. And about the fight with your friend: Apologize. Invite her over for a movie night and dinner. If she’s your friend, she’ll understand. 

And Oysters are replaceable. It’s annoying that it happened, but you can get a new one and even if you had an amount of money on it, it can still be transferred as far as I know.

Reading this immensely long reply from Tom made you feel so much better. It was like a relief, that he told you all these positive things. It didn’t solve your problems, but it made you see clearer through them. And he was right. People tend to make mistakes and it’s natural, you shouldn’t be so harsh on yourself. You re-read his message a few times, tears welling up in your eyes only because you were an emotional mess right now.

 You: Thank you, Tom. Thank you so much, you’re right. I shouldn’t have freaked out in the first place but you really helped me.

 Not Tom Hardy :(:  Don’t worry about it, as said. We all have bad days from time to time. And if you ever need to rant again, I’m here and I’ll listen. Or read. Either way is fine lol

 You: Thank you.

After the little talk with Tom the other day, you felt a lot easier. You kind of accepted the fact, that he was busier than before since he was up with something. There was a weird feeling in your gut about this guy but you shrugged it off whenever your brain decided to think about it. You got your Oyster replaced the other day and also apologized to Y/F. She was still mad when you showed up at her apartment, but couldn’t hold it for long as she saw you apologize. You explained your day to her and she understood and hugged you. “Next time just check your phone more frequently. You did that with the Tom guy too”, she scolded and you laughed it off, promising you wouldn’t miss any of her calls again. The stress at work settled down as well, especially after you had a long talk to you boss about the other day, where you just got off and stormed out the building. He wasn’t mad at you or the circumstances, he just wanted to make sure that you were alright and he’d be taking over the problem with the customer. You were so grateful for his understanding, that you nearly started crying. You kept a straight face but you could tell your eyes were watering up quickly. As you got off work early that day, you decided to stroll a little through the centre of London. You haven’t been at Leicester Square and Piccadilly Circus for a while and you kind of needed the busy and crowded place to clear your mind from the past few days. As you got off the tube, you walked up the stairs following the masses of people as they all exited the station. Once you came out of the building, you turned right and walked to the public place, where people from all over the world were hanging out. Leicester Square had many cinemas and you wondered, which of these had the most visitors. You’ve only been to the Vue once with some friends when the Maze Runner movie was out in Theaters. Other than that, you’ve only been at some premiers here, to glance at some of the actors who walked over the red carpets.

 You got yourself some Ice Cream from Haagen Dazs and kept on strolling over the Leicester Square as you finally realized all the film posters, spread out over the whole place with the same picture on it over and over. ‘Spiderman’, you read and smiled. You were happy to finally see the new movie soon, but it would only come out in a few days, so you had to be patient. Somebody didn’t seem to have that treat as your phone buzzed.

Not Tom Hardy :(: Have you seen the new Spiderman yet?

 You: No Tom. It’s not out here yet.

 Not Tom Hardy :(: Aw man you gotta tell me how you like it!

 You: Such a Fanboy

 Not Tom Hardy :(: Let me be

 You: Ill make sure I grab Tickets once its out

 Not Tom Hardy :(: Good girl!

You giggled and stuffed your phone back in your pocket, eating your Ice Cream and making your way over to Piccadilly Circus. Summer in London was amazing. But to be honest, every season was beautiful, as you could experience them all for a few weeks.

 It was dark outside as you exited the Cinema together with Y/F. The sky black with a few dots of stars shining as bright as possible over the city lights of London. “Even though he’s so young, he did an amazing job”, you heard Y/F say and smiled. While she kept on talking about the things she liked and disliked about the film, you took your phone out to send a certain person a message. He was probably waiting for it anyway.

 You: It was good

 These were the only words you typed into your device as you walked to the train station to drop off your best friend who lived in a different neighbourhood. “I still can’t believe, that Tom made you this present. It was such a nice surprise”, Y/F said, walking at a faster pace because she knew her train was about to arrive soon. “Yeah, I still can’t believe he got me two tickets for this movie. I don’t even know how to thank him”, you explained and checked your phone once again for an answer. You couldn’t believe your eyes first when you got a confirmation SMS from an Odeon Cinema, saying that the Screening for Spiderman Homecoming was successfully booked. You thought at first, that it could be a scam or some stupid advert, but then Tom messaged you, telling you to not forget to send him your opinion about the movie. Now, you just wanted to be a little mean again with the text you send him minutes ago and it seemed to work when you got the answer back after Y/N has said her goodbyes. Your friend walked through the Ticketmachine and left you, shouting a loud ‘bye’ as she took the stairs to the platform.

 Not Tom Hardy :(: Good????  Only Good??

 You: I liked it. But I’m not used to such a young actor playing Peter. I also miss Tobey though…

 Not Tom Hardy :(: He’s 21…

 You: Oh, your Age! Lol

Not Tom Hardy :(: You’re just old and bitter

 You: Excuse me? I’m not old

 Not Tom Hardy :(: I bet you have grey hair already

 You: Yeah, because you get on my nerves every day

Not Tom Hardy :(: omg

You: brb. Gotta count my grey strands of hair

Not Tom Hardy :(: I wanna see that lmao

You: Let me know when you’re in London and I’ll arrange something

Not Tom Hardy :(: That was easy. Just booked my flights

 You stopped in your movement and stared at your phone, as your mouth fell open. Was this a joke or did he really book a flight from wherever he was back to London? You didn’t believe him. He was probably joking, right? Right??

You: youre shitting me?

 Not Tom Hardy :(: Does this look like a joke?

 And then the next second suddenly a file was sent to your mobile. A Screenshot of an online booking for an upcoming flight to London. You could see his Name on it but he drew over the Last Name, so you couldn’t get his Identity. You didn’t care about that, though. You were shocked as you saw the ticket number and date and destination, as well as his name.

 You: Bloody Hell, I think I need that ticket to Cambodia now

Not Tom Hardy :(: See you next week!

 You: You ARE joking, right?

You were still hoping for this to be a gag but it seemed that Tom really meant it when he said he was coming home. A few days ago you thought, you wouldn’t mind if you’d meet him somewhere in town by accident but now as this thing seemed to become a reality, the thought of meeting him made you nervous.  

 Not Tom Hardy :(: No :)

 You: How long are you staying?

 Not Tom Hardy :(: Couple of days. Have some appointments to attend and need to spend some family time as well. Will definitely be some busy days and I might not be able to answer much

 You didn’t know if you were relieved that he was so busy or if you were lowkey jealous that he couldn’t talk to you on a regular basis. Especially now since you both shared the same piece of earth underneath you. You tried to play it cool but your heart jumped a little, once Tom answered your next text.

 You: That’s okay. I don’t want to force you to keep me entertained every day

 Not Tom Hardy :(: Oh you’re not forcing me. I’m actually enjoying it quite much

 You: You shouldn’t. You’d miss my sarcastic shit probably

 Not Tom Hardy :(: That’s true. Anyway I have to go. Ill talk to you later

 You: bye.

 With that, he was gone for the day and you arrived at your door, with a pounding heart and red ears. You felt so warm, and your chest was moving heavily in excitement. Tom was coming to London and you had to admit, even though it made you nervous and terrified, there was also a little spark of excitement.

Taglist:  @hollandorks  @beardedsteveslut @ilivefortomholland @casualprincess77 @agirlwithpointlessideas @isabellamozarella03 @MENDES-HOLLAND @thiswildfire @wastedheartnat @hollandbaby @moonofmy-life @smileylaurens @random-fandom-lady

[sweet-xoxo-thatcares]

Do you remember?

😳 I don’t think you remember the “exact moment” I felt a spark for you. You A.D.D. mf)

But yea, I had a crush on you since then.

I made a sad cover of “Sprung” by T-Pain the night that I realized I actually did like you. And that I was ok with it. I had finally accepted it. I fell for my coworker who was already in a relationship. But that was late of January 2019.

I think we had this conversation in December.

Right around the end of Fall Semester at the college bookstore.

I remember I walked over to the unofficial, packing table that was placed right before you to get to the bookshelves of all this many textbooks that I never gave a fuck about.

We were unpacking boxes of school supplies for inventory with a few others.

I started grabbing some boxes while you said “Hey, what's up?”

And Then I probably awkwardly, “Alright, How’s it going?”

I don’t know why I was nervous around you. Probably because this was our only other time we had to talk other than those last 2 that made me very uncomfortable and confused. 

(I used to be so jittery around that time, because I hated being the newbie, in a new place with a bunch of people I didn’t know. I was shy, silent, observant and goofy awkward if someone tried to talk to me. I avoided being in view of conversations because I hated being in the center of attention. It was too uncomfortable. )

Convo #1

The first day we met, was my training day with another new girl named Nicole.

I had asked you and her for your names as I introduced myself

And I noticed your voice was a lot deeper than I expected it to be? Compared your soft white-like pale skin. I thought you were Latino-mixed. I had no idea that you were black, too. (omgg this sounds so racist typing this shit out loud lmaooo wtf) You kinda sounded similar to my cousin Joq, who’s a firefighter.

I seemed a bit taller than you, but your brown hair was kinda cute. It was like a curly top with a faded cut on both sides. Your natural Brown hair was my favorite on you. Cause’ sometimes I saw speckles of light brown, gold, and grey when you were outside or took pictures in the sunlight. You seemed chill, and you had these cute fluffy cheeks like they were freshly made dough covered in baker’s flour. Like right before they toss it up in the air to make it bounce.

Plus, I didn’t know if you were a girl or a boy. Or just a girl, who like dressing up like a tomboy. Because you had very pretty eyes. And I didn't notice any facial hair.....but no I wasn't looking hard at your face. It was just stuff I remembered to look back on later on that day. I didn’t want to ask, because one, thats none of my business and two, I couldn’t make eye contact with you. It just didn’t seem right at the time. I glanced, but not too hard because eye contact still makes me uncomfortable to this very day.

I had asked you if you could show me how to clock-in, how to post a timeline thing for the store’s facebook out of curiosity because I saw you do one, and I didn’t know how to put the size tags on the hooks of the hangers....which was new to me too. You seemed a lil tight lipped, so I probably thought I should stop asking you for help. I didn’t know you preferred being called “they” until that one girl with shaved head, I think Jordan, had answered my question about you being a guy or a girl. I wanted to know, but I wondered if I was like that, I would have assumed someone was being too nosy or judgmental. So I didn't speak to you about it until later. Also, you had a very intimidating smile. Maybe it was because I had never seen you smile with your teeth out unless it was because you were laughing at a joke I made or something weird I said.

Convo #2

I don’t know how it started, but I was readjusting clothes to put back onto their hangers and I saw you were in between register 2 and 3. This was the first time I had found out you had a girlfriend....who also worked at the same store....fucking kill me.

Because she started to walk in, and then you yelled to me, “Do you got a bae?” from across the counter I was standing at. And I said “Huh? No”

In my head, Im like why are you asking me that? But then as she came into your view you said “Cuz I got a bae.” And she came behind the register where you were at to clock in and you ignored me and greeted her with a kiss. Then you pointed at her and said to me “That’s my bae.” 

And I looked at you so confused like....you fucking weirdo.

And this all happened within a span of like 8 seconds or so....

It was like you were so curious to know if I was single or not, because later on you had asked me again like as if you had forgot, 

“Do you got a bae?” 

“No.”

But you said it so quick it was like weird because it was in passing that you asked me that again. Like how could you forget that you asked me that? And why were you asking me that if you had a girlfriend already? Were you trying to set me up with someone else? I didn’t want any trouble with you, so I kinda backed off from you because one, I barely even knew you to have that kinda question answered. But me being in shock that you asked, made me blurt out no....like nooo wtf I wasn’t supposed to answer. I used to stick to my morals, tough.

OK>>>SO BACK TO WHEN MY CRUSH STARTED

We were unpacking boxes, greetings...

You asked me “Where you from?” And somehow we were talking about how weird and thirsty it was for Bella to make a set of her phone number out on paper for her to pass to all these college guys. You said it was because she liked getting guy’s attention. And I said yea with all those business cards. 

And then somehow the topic of Bella’s sexuality had us talking about our own. 

You had asked me if I was gay and I hesitantly said, “I wasn’t sure.” Cause I wasn’t sure if I wanted people know that I was at least bicurious because of my mom. My dad eh.... I was more afraid of her ever finding out. Also, because I honestly never quite had the chance to officially know, I had only looked at certain girls in that certain way unless I had gotten to know them a little better, if I already knew they was gay, or I was just watching lesbian porn. I especially like tongue kissing videos the most. Idk why tongue sucking make out vids was such a clit boner for me. Especially when they suck each others....hold up back to the story 🤣.

But then, you told me that the first time you lost virginity was in third grade. You said “I think about sex all the time.”

And this is where I said “Oh,” because it wasn’t like you were casually saying this. Your eyes changed. 

They grew so full, so big and so dark, I didn't even know why you were looking at me like that and how the fuck did you make me so fucking scared and aroused all at the same time. Like I said “eye contact makes me uncomfortable” (It was an adrenal thing...I think. Lets just say anxiety for rn.)

Especially when it looks like a big, bad wolf wants to see what you taste like.

You walked away to go help a customer, but as you came back you asked “so are you a virgin?” and I said “Huh?”

I was still short stiff with a clit boner that I tried to make go away, how else was I supposed to feel??? I was like oohhhhhh shittttt are we gay? I don’t even know what exactly “they” are.

I noticed you started to stare at me a little bit too longer than you should have been looking at my face, but I could understand why now. You knew.

You knew that I was attracted to you.

And my flushed cheeks would not go down as you kept looking at me when we talked. I think thats when we got separated again, because boss told me to start helping people in the aisles.

I looked at you differently after,

I didn’t know what made me pulse up like that for you, because I rarely got clit boners. I thought it was a sign, because it was blinking. Just like my heart was beating.

Looking back on it now, you probably were praying on me, since I was a virgin. You told me way later on that you liked sex with virgins. How come I didn’t runaway after you said that?....I was a blind fool for those eyes. 

Fuck. 

I ignored all those red flags lol. You know what's even more weirder, I just realized you set that story up 1st to ask me if I was a virgin first, then you asked me if I was gay. But then again, I did mention “what would you say is another word for vagina?” I said “blossom😊” and you said “blossom🤨?” 

Cause of course, the only pussy I’ve seen was on porn, but I didn’t watch them “up-close masturbation” videos until after we....😳 

How dumb, innocent, and naive I must have been.

I had a hard time accepting my crush for you because you were my 1st gay crush. I came out the closet for you. Over Christmas break, I had to rationalize what it all meant: do we have romantic feelings? do we care if you had a dick, pussy, or none (because you were nonbinary, but I still wanted you), do we care if this crush never comes out because you had a girlfriend? How desperate was I to kiss you? I had never kissed someone outside my gender...I had only kissed one guy that I found out was my cousin at 16. I was 22 and never had a real kiss, still a virgin, still in the closet....at my mom’s house.

My insecurities were through the roooofff and my overthinking made me hesitant to even consider ever ever ever ever telling you...because 2019 was about to start and we were about to get let off as temp workers. I thought maybe I should just let it go because you started working somewhere else and I never saw you at the store for awhile.

Even when boss ended your term 1st, I was so sad, so emotional because I never got to hang out with you like that. We used to play tag with the note clips on people’s shirts, and I used to crack jokes about Brian’s hair patch. It was fun, but I was ready to give up until I saw you at your last day. 

I wanted to help you out, but you said you got it when you were putting up calculators. In my head, I was like noooo, let me help you out. Its your last day, how else am I going to see you again? You didn't even have a facebook or instagram with your name, I checked 1st 🥺. I thought maybe it was supposed to be short lived like a crush...until I had my 1st dream about you and I was like ohhhh hellllll nahhhh. Its a sign bitch, go. 

So I got you and your gf number off the employee directory list boss had for us to contact each other in case we wanted to trade shifts. 

I texted something similar to you like “hey, just wanted to say goodbye to you since I didn't get the chance...”

(which was true because I said goodbye to you the day you came back in to get your scarf, and then you left. Without saying anything back to me out the door. I thought maybe my voice was too soft...or you just didn’t like me as a person..... 😔)

“Just wanted to say it was nice working with you. Maybe I’ll see you around campus?”

But you must have left me on read because I didn't hear nothing back for 2weeks until your gf invited me and some coworkers to go bowling late in January...right around this time. I was the only one that showed up like lol wtf. 

I felt like an idiot after we started talking about Taylor.

Thats when I heard my head’s dark side say “BINGO”

Because I had no idea you two were having a threesome with her. In fact I was a little bit jealous that you two were seemed so close as friends...compared to you and I. But I thought it was weird when Bella asked you about if she should hook up with Taylor, you said “Nah, she a little too crazy for you.”

That shoulda been my hint.

Cause’ you even talked about looking at other girls with Key, and I became jealous and insecure then too,

Because Key, looked like a fucking bulldog. Why tf would you want to have sex with her? (my jealous petty thoughts...smh) I looked wayyyyy prettier than her. I thought I should have been the more worthy one to have ben chosen.

I thought you must have liked skinny girls to have liked Taylor like that.

And yea...that me fall down in my esteem too. Sighhhhhh, I thought she must have been lucky to have been picked by you.

Ewwww why am I going goo-goo-ga-ga all over again.

What still rattles me up to this day is...why was I so jealous of your “sub-slutstitues” and not your actual girlfriend? I never understood that. 

Was it because me and her were actually starting to become friends and I wasn’t bothered by you and her’s chemistry. It was weird af for me, because usually I would have scowled at someone who was with someone I wanted. 

But I guess I actually liked her too,

Which made this last part pretty hard to accept.

That I was a bad friend to her too,

I had only became friends with her to get closer to you, but in the process I wanted her to stay too. We were comfortable with each other and I never experienced being comfortable with intimacy with another woman like her. She made me feel calm, but in a different way than you did. She made me calm like a mother would...like I was a motherless child.

That touch that I had been so longing for, was right there.

And I knew it, after she kissed me. There was no going back. Like I’m right here for both of you now. Not just one.

It was sad, comforting, and rejuvenating all at the same time. 

You guys sparked a light in me that I knew I had, but was afraid to light it because of what other people wanted me to be. I never knew that I could make my own choices and do as I pleased because I was always in my mother’s spotlight. And so they became home in my heart and she became my ease of pain.

Maybe I just didn't want to be alone. But I swear, something felt different between you guys and I was so close to proposing us throuple rings. But thats not what she wanted....nuh uh.

Something changed after that 1st lil passionate moment.

Its like she didn’t want me, I was just using you to have some fun.

What I thought was true, wasn't true at all.

And just like that she became my mother. And just like my real mother, I hate her all over again. 

I thought how could you be with someone who was so cold and bitter?

She never liked me, she was emotionally unavailable.

Thats why my heart didn’t go ding for her like it did for you. It was like she was always gone, but she was always there.

[opepin]

oct/nov: week one

30: hm, i don’t know how i woke up at 9 / 10 am today... i got only 5 hours of sleep and i felt kind of awake the entire day. i felt a bit off but was pretty productive. kevin and i woke up at around the same time and he made breakfast and went to work. i didn’t eat but just went on the computer and started working on timesheet stuff. then i got on a call with phil. in the background, i did laundry and wrote down personal things i needed to do for the rest of the week. it was a pretty chill day. i just prepped for tomorrow’s session with phil and got on stand up. i folded laundry and then washed the blankets as well. i was going to take a nap but then i didn’t feel like sleeping when i got into bed. i actually got hungry and ate the last of the leftover fries from mindy’s fat cat order. lol. then kevin came back from work and i did about 50-60 minutes of random ab and cardio workouts in the apartment. i just didn’t feel like walking over to the studio and stuff. i was mentally tired.

i went to shower and kevin made beef stroganoff <3 omg, it was sooo good. he did use sour cream though... next time, we’ll look for a dairy alternative. i think maybe all of the dairy / junk food is catching up to me. my stomach feels pretty acidic and i feel fat and blubbery. we watched two episodes of yakitate! japan and then kevin washed the dishes and gamed. i stayed up a bit to watch youtube videos and a bit of anime. i got really tired though and just went to bed. lol i make it sound like i went to sleep super early. i slept at like 12 am or something though. 

31: i am just flubber and blubber right now. i did a hiit workout in the morning, but i don’t know if i pushed myself enough. maybe my body is tired from lack of sleep? after my workout, i showered and made my smoothie before heading out to work. i got to work later than expected thanks to the weird time gap after the 8:55 am train. i got to work and did some tidying up and prepping for the last training session with this customer! :) i got on the call at 11 am and then ate lunch in john and cole’s office lol. they had already eaten their lunch so i just hung around and talked with them a bit before going back to my office for stand up. dave and joe didn’t come in so i had the office all to myself. after stand up, i worked on a few things but also focused on figuring out the best health plan for me. with the help of john and the trusty internet, i found a health plan analysis graphing tool and it made my choice a bit easier. i ended my day doing some quick surveys and then left at around 4:30 pm with cole. we headed to cha time and beard papa’s again and then walked to south station. kevin was already waiting for me and we shared the mango smoothie he wanted. i said goodbye to cole on the platform -- he was frazzled because he missed his train :(

the train was packed and i was separated from kevin. :( lolol but we walked back home together with him looking like a crazy head. his hair was all over the place LOL. he said he was a mad scientist for halloween... kevin went climbing a couple days ago so he asked for a massage and i massaged his arms and back. i’m glad he’s feeling better :) then kevin played some dota while i watched some anime. we stopped to eat leftovers for dinner and watched an episode of yakitate! japan before playing trine 2. the last levels made me crazy. kevin had to pause the game so i could breathe and not get super mad at him LOL. co-op games really test your patience with people :P we finished trine 2!!! the ending was pretty crappy tbh. my head hurt a bit so we didn’t play the DLC and kevin went to game on his computer while i stretched and finished up an episode of the ‘classroom of the elite’ anime i was watching. i stayed up until around 1 am and then went to sleep.

01: i feel really tired and unmotivated to work out. i think the feelings about my weight gain have caught up to me T__T i did get myself out of bed and into the yoga studio to do my morning arm workout. then i did some hip exercises before going back to the apartment, waking up kevin, showering, and making my morning smoothie. kevin made himself a breakfast sandwich and then headed to work. phil sent me a list of things to do and i got started on that right away. then i took a break and ate lunch while watching anime. then i hopped on a call and then got onto stand up right after. i started thinking about christmas presents and stuff. the thought of getting an advent calendar is consuming me, but i don’t really need / really want a specific one. i worked on my to do list during stand up and then continued until the work day was over. it is now the start of my 4-day weekend! woot! :)

i went back to the yoga studio and did more arms and some back. i tried to do less weight today and better form. after the work out, i felt like i didn’t push myself hard enough (the next day i was pretty sore though). kevin came back earlier than i expected but i finished up my work out and headed back to the apartment. he was cooking chimichurri chicken and rice today so i showered and made my protein smoothie. i think i just chilled and waited for dinner. i forget if kevin cooked right away or if he took a break before cooking, but i think i got hungry ahah. the wait was worth it though! i love this recipe (not as much as the beef stroganoff)! it was creamy and garlicky, but it could have been a bit more creamy somehow. we watched two episodes of yakitate! japan and then kevin went to game and i went to watch my anime. i caught up with all the ones i’ve been watching and continued watching ‘the classroom of the elite.’ i went to sleep after. i think my favorite hobby is watching tv or shows right now. i mean, i could do something more productive but i think my mind needs a break from reality right now. 

i’ve been trying to embrace instagram again, but i still have some pretty negative thoughts when it comes to how people present themselves and the influence of social media on my generation and the generations after us. i just feel like so many teenagers and utilizing this as a way to get famous quick kind of deal. at first, i was really hyped about getting back on instagram and making a big move to increase my followers and stuff, but just looking at what my friends like (lol kinda stalkerish but i’m also just curious) i notice that there must be a million accounts with a ton of followers but that doesn’t mean they are successful or actually putting their true selves out there. i think that’s the biggest thing for me. i don’t want to ever post something that i don’t identify with and on social media and instagram, i don’t know what’s real lol. i’m the type of person to idealize people, situations, etc. so when i go on instagram and see all the highlights of peoples’ lives, i always need to remind myself that these are photos they choose to share with the world and it’s not the whole picture. i can get lost on instagram and feel real shitty about my life after scrolling a ton. but again, that’s just me and i need to remember that if i really wanted to change my life, i can at anytime. i just to be motivated and break through those obstacles. mmm, sorry... that was a tangent ahah.

02: sleeping in feels so nice, especially on a weekday when you’re supposed to be working :P this is day two out of six of my pto at home for the rest of the year~ kevin made me a breakfast sandwich and we ate breakfast together. then he was off to work. he was supposed to come back early to get a haircut but he left later than usual lol. i started my day finishing up ‘the classroom of elite’ anime. it was interesting... i might wait for season 2 but i’m not sure. the beginning was pretty slow but i feel like everything is going to speed up. then i started watching ‘knight’s & magic.’ the beginning of this anime is a bit rushed but there isn’t much of a real plot... i was super excited about the robots and magic though, haha. i ate lunch while watching and then stopped to try to install this laundry weighing stuff from a survey i signed up for. i realized their plug didn’t fit my washing machine’s plug and had to contact them. i put that aside and then got straight to cleaning the apartment.

i put on my ‘watch later’ youtube playlist on the tv and then thoroughly cleaned and vacuumed the kitchen. then i vacuumed the rest of the apartment and cleaned the entire bathroom. it took longer than i expected. i also didn’t expect to vacuum but there were so many crumbs on the kitchen floor T_T right after cleaning, i hit the fitness center at around 3:30 pm. i was scared away by a person in there (i was hoping no one would be there because it was the middle of the work day) but then i went in and did legs for more than an hour. i didn’t expect to do legs for more than an hour but my rest periods between sets was longer than usual. i used a 50 lb weight to do my sumo squats and deadlifts and i was about to die in the beginning of my workout. i’m still having a lot of trouble with bulgarian split lunges :/ i can’t balance well on my flat feet and my hips hurt a bit when doing them. maybe i’ll do them with less weight next time. my first workout took around 45 minutes, but i was supposed to do it in 30 minutes (was trying to fit two 30 minute leg sessions as i usually do on a regular weekday. i do 30 minutes in the morning and 30 minutes in the evening). so i pushed myself and did an extra 30 minutes on top of that. i did half with some weights and half mat work.

when i got back to the apartment, kevin reminded me that i volunteered to cook. this was a slow cooker recipe so i decided to wait out on my protein shake and showering. i made the sauce and when i took out the chicken thighs from the fridge, they were still frozen D:< it is my biggest pet peeve when i have to cook and my protein is frozen. so i left that out to thaw while i prepped the cabbage and carrots for slaw. i decided to work with them after i made myself my smoothie. my fingers hurt from pulling them apart, but i got the skin off of them and seasoned them and into the slow cooker with the sauce. at first, it didn’t look like they were cooking but they were (thankfully). kevin got back home and we played a steam game together. i forgot what it is called, but it enjoyed this one. we saved our progress after an hour of playing and then he went to run. i showered and then lazed around the apartment. we finished making dinner after kevin showered and the chicken was cooked. i shredded the chicken while kevin made the seasoning for the slaw and toasted buns. we made pulled chicken burgers with slaw for dinner. kevin loves this type of food but i don’t LOL. most of the time when i cook i don’t like what i make. the vinegar taste subsided with the bun so it wasn’t bad.

after dinner, kevin cleaned up and then he gamed. i continued watching my anime and almost fell asleep watching it. i got myself up to brush my teeth and hop into bed. i tried staying up watching youtube videos and then i almost fell asleep again so i just turned everything off and slept at 1 am. lol even on my days off, i can’t sleep too late xP

03: i feel like my eye bags get worse when i sleep in. they are pretty low and dark right now and i’m not sure why. hmm. well, i got up and then made myself a smoothie while kevin ate his breakfast. then he went off to work and i started day three of my pto at home this year ;D i finished watching ‘knight’s & magic’ in the morning; this anime was great and lighthearted. then i decided to watch ‘kimi no todoke’ because i wanted something sappy. then i spent some time packing up the laundry survey materials because i can no longer be a part of it :( the stupid plug is too big. sigh. i had to put in a service request to get someone to push the dryer plug back in because i didn’t have enough strength. lol, i felt super weak after the guy came in and took like 5 seconds to get it back in. ><’ i should have waited for kevin... around 3 pm or so, i went to the yoga studio and did a hiit cardio routine with a step :O it was intense! then i prepped for dinner and made myself a smoothie before showering. kevin got back and wanted to go running but i was hungry so we made dinner before he went for a run. we made shakshuka today and it was delicious!

after eating and digesting a bit, (lol actually, kevin was still in the apartment), i watched the latest episode of ‘jane the virgin’ and stretched. kevin was listening in as he was on his computer doing stuff hahaha. then kevin finally left and i finished stretching. the rest of the night consisted of complete relaxation. i think kevin and i played hammerwatch together for a bit and i watched ‘kimi no todoke’ for the rest of the night until like 3:30 am LMAO. the anime is so cute and addicting. my heart skips a beat when love scenes happen O_O” lol i feel like a haggard old lady.

04: i stayed in bed with kevin instead of working out lol. i really should have worked out before our massage but i wasn’t feeling it. i ended up doing 20 minutes or so of hip hop cardio later on in the day though. anyway, we slept in and then rushed to eat some scallion pancake with egg for breakfast and then left for our appointment at 1:15 pm. we got in and i had one of the best massages ever. my masseuse used the hot stones to religned or stretch out my muscles along my spine. it felt so good! i also got walked on today because i asked for a leg and back focused massage. i came out of the massage knowing that i was going to be super sore the next day. i felt like jello lol. we walked over to oh my tea and i got a hot honey oolong tea with boba and kevin got a large mango smoothie with boba. we shared an egg puff of course! we got back to the apartment and we were going to meal plan but i got so distracted by all the stuff on food52. omg, everything is so beautiful on there. i was also shopping at aerie too lol. 

flo and john took the train from south station to our apartment and we went and got them. we gave them a quick apartment tour and then they both showered and got ready for the wedding they were attending. kevin and i finished meal prepping and then we sent them off to their wedding LOL. we felt like parents sending off their children. at this time, we both didn’t feel like going grocery shopping lol. i think kevin went and gamed and i watched videos and watched ‘kimi no todoke’ lol. i really didn’t feel like going outside but kevin wanted to get grocery shopping out of the way, so we did. we went to ikea first to return some items and also to get dinner. we were hoping to be in and out real quick because it was already 7 pm and everything closes at 9 pm. we went to the return area and there was a 20 person wait... so we got a ticket and then waited in line to get dinner. i got the salmon and kevin got the swedish meatballs and chocolate cake. after we found a seat, i left with kevin’s credit card and the stuff to return it. sooo ikea’s layout makes it so that you have to go around the store to get to the check out... i ended up doing that only to end up at the checkout area where there were a ton of lines. i would look super suspicious if i tried going through one of the closed lanes or passing others in line.

so i found this lady putting away stuff at the end of the registers and asked her if i could pass. she said that she didn’t know if i had stolen those and that i should have returned my stuff when i got in ikea. i told her i have the receipt and showed it to her. she didn’t care. she just shrugged and said she wouldn’t let me pass. OMG wtf lady?! so i called kevin clearly frustrated and then i walked all the way back to him. i was really upset. what a rude lady. so then kevin took a stab at it. he took the elevators down thinking it would lead him to the front, but nope, he also had to walk around LOL. good thing he basically finished his food. i wasn’t going to finish my food but i did and i also ate some of the chocolate cake because i was furious. kevin went up to a cashier (person wasn’t busy) and showed them the receipt and they let him through. good thing there were only 3 people waiting now. i had lost our position in line (physically. i lost the ticket in my frustration) but they passed our number already. so we got to return everything, kevin came back, we finished eating, and we dipped. omg, i hate ikea now. i don’t want to go there for a while -____-”

by this time, it was 8:30 pm. all thanks to the lady, we couldn’t finish our grocery run. ugh. we stopped by bj’s, got our stuff, and went back home. i was still agitated so i did hip hop cardio in the apartment to blow off some steam. ajfbsjkdfbsjfsd. then i played helldivers with kevin for part of the night. lol, i’m getting better at the gamee (: i showered at around 12 am and then stayed up watching anime while kevin gamed. flo and john didn’t come back until 3 am? well, it was 2 am minus daylight savings time haha. we let them in and then went to sleep right away. it was about 3:30 am or something when we slept.

05: flo and john woke up early for the time that they slept at. kevin and i got up at around 10:30 am and brushed and made breakfast. i made my smoothie for myself while kevin cooked up a scallion pancake, dumplings, and soup dumplings for him, john, and flo. after i finished drinking my smoothie, i made my orders on aerie and they went through! yay! then i joined the group as we talked about random stuff. then they told us about their trip to iceland and where to go. we planned on going to fat cat for lunch so we drove there and kevin parked further than i thought he would so i was freezing in the thin hoodie that i wore. there was also a 30 minute wait so we ordered to eat in the car. lol, i wish we could have gotten seated :( the receptionist wasn’t very nice either. while we waited for our order, i casually said ‘oh my tea is the best boba i’ve ever had. lol, after that, flo and john were like, ‘we must go!’ so we walked over and they got a strawberry mango smoothie with boba and kevin and i shared a lychee green tea boba. flo said it was the best boba / smoothie she has had in the united states :OOOO woot! we walked back to the car and then drove over to fat cat to pick up the food.

we ate in the car and i’m so happy they liked the food! we ordered lobster mac, calamari, and a seafood red sauce pasta. mmm. they ate as kevin drove to south station. there was a bit of traffic but the HOV lane came through and we dropped them off at the bus terminal with minutes to spare (: it was great having them over! we drove back home and then rested for a bit. i think kevin and i are a bit burnt out when it comes to hosting people. ever since late september or so, we’ve been non-stop hosting or doing stuff on weekends. we went grocery shopping and then i did laundry. i was feeling akfjnskjdfs. my stomach hurt physically -- i think it was all the food i ate from last week and this one. x__x; while the laundry went, i watched a few episodes of ‘kimi no todoke’ and then when i put everything in the dryer, i did cardio kickboxing in the apartment with no weights. i was feeling really tired and sore but didn’t feel like skipping my workout. i took it pretty easy though and didn’t do much jumping.

kevin made us korean rice cake soup for dinner so we could heal from all the eating out. :P we watched yakitate! japan and then cleaned up. kevin went to shower and game and then i continued watching my anime lol. i finished folding laundry and etc too. i finished the first season of ‘kimi no todoke’ and my heart has burst so many times. this anime is so cute! lol. i slept at 1 am because kevin and i make the bed together and i didn’t want to interrupt his game ahha. i ko’d once i put away my phone. zzzz. hopefully, i won’t be sore tomorrow.

[angel-soma]

Hello everyone! Long time no see! I hope you all have been well! I haven't been active on here in months, mainly due to my computer breaking in January. (Blue screen of Death upon startup) Well, as of today, it's working again! So now I can finally sit down and type up an update for you all so you know what's been happening with me! (Cause there’s been a lot!!)

At the end of October I went from living with my mom in PA to moving in with my sister and her family near Boston, MA. I've never really lived in a city before, and I've never lived without my mom either. So that alone was a huge change for me! I had to get used to things like the amount of cars and people, when to cross the road because some of the street signs don't change like they're supposed to and it annoys me, the train system (called the T), I never even rode a bus before but hey gotta do that here too... I'm kinda used to them now though, but I still get nervous about getting on the wrong train/bus and getting lost ;w;

Then on top of that I had to get a job!! I've never worked before, so for a while I was super stressing out about it. Cried a lot. I needed to get one though, as it was part of the deal of me living here with my sister (who isn't making me pay anything other than $30 per week for the food I eat.) At first I tried to get a job at the daycare/school that her boys (my nephews) have/currently went to. I was nervous during my interview, as it was my first ever interview, but I think it went okay. I then went on two different days to spend time with a class to see how well or not I fit. While I think I did a good job, and the person said I did, I never really heard anything back. So I didn't get it. I then tried for a position at a coffee house, and while the owner liked me and was interested in my art (it came up), she was looking for someone with more experience. 

My sister had suggested I apply at Dollar Tree, which is super close to where we live (basically across the street), but I kinda didn't like it so I was avoiding it a bit. Especially since I 100% hated the idea of a cashier job (I was worried about messing up the money and losing a lot of it). I finally ended up filling out an application though and got an interview - and I was hired!! I've been working there as a cashier since the beginning of March, and I'm happy to report that I haven't given up/died yet lol It's a lot easier than I thought it would be, and all my managers and co-workers are super nice. The main manager also told me that I've been doing really well and that he mentioned me when talking about who could potentially be promoted!!! I'm so so happy that this has gone so well for me, especially since it's my first job and I was sooo nervous about working!!

Life in PA was really boring and uneventful. Sometimes I wouldn't leave the house for weeks. Now I'm walking the dog around the city by myself twice a day (granted I mainly only go to the park across the street or some of the nearby streets). I go to work 3-6 times a week. I went to Anime Boston (YAY CONVENTIONS I haven't been to one in yearssssss I bought a cute Mimikyu shirt and a print of Mew) and took a train back by myself at 11 at night while it was snowing - like a boss who was super nervous. I have chores now too. I also finally have A CELLPHONE YAS I LOVE IT. LOOK AT ALL THE FREE APPS I CAN GET. Pokemon Go was the only reason I voluntarily left this building at first lol Plus the maps/GPS is the only reason I'm able to go anywhere too or I would not leave this place. It's also why I've not gone crazy without my computer for so many months too. The only downside really is that I have no friends here. I'm trying to befriend some of my co-workers (one of my managers is actually trying to help - gave my number to someone and told her we should go hang out sometime lol), but so far I don't interact with them outside of work. I joined an app called Patook, which is for finding friends, and am talking to a couple local people on that. One person I actually met up with in a touristy area and we hung out for an hour or two! Haven't talked to her since, but it ended with us swapping phone numbers and saying we should do it again sometime! Also talking a lot with a fellow anime fan who lives within 10 miles of me - maybe I'll meet her too and we'll be friends. Plus one day I was talking to a customer at work about her anime shirt and ended up getting her number so she could introduce me to her nerd friends, but I haven't heard back from her yet.. I'm not religious but my sister says I should go to some of her church's group things, so I'm actually going to one this Wednesday. Hopefully I'll befriend some people. Currently the dog has more friends than I do - people keep coming up to pet her when I walk her and some are like "Is that Maggie?" Like, yeah? How do you know her name?? I live with a popular dog I guess lol So yeah, huge lifestyle change for me these past 8 months! I'm much more independent than I was (got my own bank account, making money, going to the store to buy my own stuff, making dentists appointments because my teeth are going to hell, etc.) Not sure how often I'll be drawing stuff, since I'm not sitting at my computer all day everyday like before. (I'm actually losing a good amount of weight because of how much more I'm on my feet. Lost about 15 pounds!!) But hey since I don't have local friends yet I have not much else to do in my free time lol Also, I'M GOING TO HOGWARTS IN ABOUT 2 WEEKS. HOLY CRAP I'M SO EXCITED AAAAA. My dad lives in Florida, so me, my sister + her kids are going to visit him. I'll be my first time visiting. Will be my first time on a plane too... I'm scared of heights, but if I can handle the train system then I can handle a plane lol Probably gonna blow all my money on wizard food. So that's about it! Thank you to you all for sticking around, and a thank you to any new followers I've gotten while I've been away! Hopefully I'll be posting some art again soon! TL;DR Went from living in the woods with my mom to a city with my sister. Got my first job. I love cellphones and anime conventions. I have less friends than a dog. At least I have money and am losing weight. GOING TO HOGWARTS.

[saikaigigi]

I had a very short update on my Facebook, but since there's NOTHING to do today at work (or for the rest of the week, for that matter), I figured I'd do an entry here. The weather hasn't really continued warming up that much. I'm still cold in the office and we still have the heater on (or the "stove" as they call it...). Warm coffee is a necessity to stay awake and keep warm. The coffee here isn't that great but I think I've gotten used to it and it isn't the worst thing anymore. The coffee at Pearson was still WAY WORSE. That stuff was poison. And yet, I still drank it...every day. We've been quite busy these days. I got to lead classes on my own for about 2 weeks. The end of the year was kind of "anything goes" in my first year classes. So I did a St. Patrick's Day presentation and a few activities that prompted the students to speak on their own - which was honestly the only time they could, since my JTE for that class isn't very creative and just went through the main dialogue of the chapter over and over until the class fell asleep (seriously, one day I stopped him and said - they're too sleepy to continue. Let's do a short activity to get them awake. We then played Simon Says for 2 minutes.) Anyway, my classes went amazing. We studied 2 songs together, described photos, did word jumbles and drew emotions. And all the students were engaged. My JTE was amazed. I was just like, well it makes sense. They are also all relaxed because they know that grading is over. Really, at this point of the year it's like anything goes. Now the students are on Spring break. I still have to come into work even though there aren't classes. It's whatever, I guess. At least I get paid to sit here and think about literally anything I want and type things like this. Last week, the transfer announcements were made. A few of the teachers I liked are moving to different schools. This happens once a year. The teachers who have only been here for a short time weren't really at risk of transfer, but those who were here for anywhere between 2 to 5 years got picked to move. I never really thought about how hard it would be to transfer because at home, there is such a clear line between work and home life. At 5 you leave and forget about work until the next day. And maybe you don't spend so much time with co-workers. Here, the teachers are assigned for a few years to a school who houses them in teacher housing, and the only people they know are the other teachers and the students. Those people become their life. Their friends. Some of these teachers already live apart from their spouses and children. Sometimes the transfers move them FURTHER away from them. I think it can be really hard to deal with. So I understand why there were so many tears at the goodbye ceremony. While I think it's good for the overall educational system to have an even division of teachers and experience, this is really hard on people. But they're used to it. It's just the way it is. And it will probably be this way for a very long time. Meanwhile in the States, you get teachers who have been there for 30 years who have lost passion because they aren't respected by students and they're just getting worn down. They don't like their co-workers or their students and have a hard time controlling their classrooms sometimes. At this point, I don't know whether or not the Japanese educational system is better or not. In ways, I think it is. But in other ways, everyone just works too freaking hard here! Like, after 5 PM GO HOME AND RELAX! Some of my teachers don't go home until 9PM every day. Like, why? They don't get paid overtime to be there, either! Huh, this became a ramble about education in Japan. Somehow. Recently, Philip and I have been getting out more. Last weekend we made it out to Arita with our friend who is in the Navy and stationed nearby. I have never seen so many pottery shops. It was insane. I definitely want to go back there and explore. We also visited a nice shrine and had a good talk with the priests there and they explained how to buy the fortunes (which had an English translation! They must get a lot of tourists). We talked a lot about how we came to Japan and the charms they were selling. The entrance to the temple was up a set of stairs with a train track at the top, then after you cross the train track you can enter the temple. I found it kind of strange. At the top, it just looks like there are train tracks and then an edge you could fall off of. Philip's cousin came to visit this week. He's a college student studying in Tokyo. He's super full of energy so this week is gonna be fun. We certainly had fun yesterday after we picked him up. We spent all afternoon in Sasebo looking around. I found a flute I had never heard of and decided to buy it. It was sort of an impulse buy, but it wasn't that expensive (until I decided to buy a book to learn with, then things got pricey...the book was more than the flute!). I discovered that I got like a learner's flute, and that these flutes come in bamboo. I really want a bamboo one!!! The flute is a shinobue and it's used in festivals. Also, it turns out that it's the mystery flute from Vampire Princess Miyu that I always loved!!! I may have downloaded that soundtrack when I got home...hehe We found a koto concert in the middle of the shopping strip, and the guy who runs the souvenir shop where I got all my souvenirs for family recognized our Navy friend and we got to clarify where his shop was so we could take another peek. We were met by his son on the corner where we needed to turn (he called him!!), and we were shown inside. We were able to ask questions and explore the shop. I asked about the flutes because I noticed they had more than before. Turns out that they now had the flute I had just bought at the other shop, but the real versions. The shop keeper let me try the flutes (which really surprised me!!!) and I discovered that the one I got was SUPER high pitched like a piccolo. I thought "Great, my neighbor will be so happy..." But actually, I'm thinking of practicing at the beach around the corner from my house. Anyway, I discovered that i LOVE the sound of the flute that has one less finger hole. It's such a nice sound that I can enjoy more by myself without killing anyone's eardrums. He offered to sell one to me for half price. I just could not believe that. Really. What?! I was ready to buy it right then and there! But he said I can take some time to get used to the instrument first. What a nice guy! Not like other sellers who are just like "BUY IT NOW". I truly felt cared for as a customer. They also gave us free plants! I was like Okay! Plants are cool! I'm actually terrible with plants. Philip got me an orchid on our first Valentine's Day and it just died. I got a small flower that was placed in a stone at the culture festival here back in November and I haven't watered it once. I think it might still be alive somehow, though. So...we'll see how long these guys last under my care! They also gave Philip a little squirrel because he asked how much it was and they just said "Please take it!" I think maybe no one was buying it lol. He gave it to me as a present. Oh, and the week before hand I got a deal on some Sailor Moon merchandise at this second hand store in Sasebo called Y.Y....something. Y.Y.Boueki I think? The guy there collects a lot of things, including American things, especially Star Wars. He even has autographed things on display. He let me take a picture with a rare Sailor Moon statue he had. I did make it to GU for the Sailor Moon collaboration, but things sold out VERY fast there and I couldn't choose exactly what I wanted beforehand. But I did get a good amount of things! 3 shirts and a Luna purse! I also decided to snag some pants because I needed some. I now own white pants and they frighten me (I'm going to stain them, I just know it...). also, I'm the biggest size there. That's just unreal. And actually, these pants are slipping a little now that I'm moving around a lot >.> But, I'm just saying, the range of body types here must not be large because if I'm the biggest size, I feel sorry for anyone bigger than me trying to shop for pants. Really. That must suck. I was going to wrap this up but I just remembered the enkai on Friday night that we had. We had a big going away dinner party for the leaving teachers. I had to eat fish and I'm starting not to look forward to the food at these gatherings because I have to force myself to eat a lot of things I don't like. I ate some sort of clam thing, I don't even know what it was. But it came in like a conk shell. Is that even what it's called? God, not growing up near the ocean has never been so apparent as it is now that I'm living by one. I don't know a lot of things about ocean life. Anyway, so each leaving teacher gave a speech and then other teachers would stand up and give a speech back. And it was nuts. They all did a Japanese cheer that I had never heard of. It was actually quite educational. And then the gym teacher who was basically the guy who kept order in this place with the kids, is leaving. So the other gym teacher gave the speech to him. But, not before stripping off his top first. Oh, boy. And then he stood there giving his speech topless and crying. And it was sort of charming to see two men who were such good friends have such a heart to heart moment. Even though one of them had stripped beforehand. XD We went to an after party at a VERY SMALL BAR near my apartment. It was so fun! There was karaoke and it was the most fun I've had with co-workers here. Everyone was singing and cheering and just being totally silly. It was really cool. I'm kind of disappointed that my base school is switching to my other high school now. I'll be there 3x a week. So I'm not as affected by the transfers as the other teachers, but I still feel kind of sad? I don't know the teachers at the other school as well, or the students. It's a bigger school. They're awesome, though. Full of energy and the students are generally pretty smart. Plus, there's a rock band club...so there's that. I think it'll be okay. WOW THIS WAS LONG BYE

[matsunjun]

Today....well, technically yesterday since it’s past midnight, was my second day at my new job.

I realized that the manager has placed some really high expectations on me. It was my first time opening, and so everything I had to do today was something I hadn’t done before (my first day was a closing shift), and yet, he called me slow like a turtle. D:

I honestly thought I was moving fairly quickly, but I didn’t know the set up of their items and was trying my best T^T9 Anyways, he then told me to do this specific thing to make me go faster in setting up (WHICH HE SHOULD HAVE DISCLOSED TO ME IN THE VERY BEGINNING). I also didn’t know we had such a short amount of time to get everything set up (THEN WHY WAS HE A BIT LATE I WAS THERE EARLY, TOO).

Then he went over more morning procedures while I took notes. I still didn’t know what things were or where they were at (nor do I know any of the terminology he used), but I just tried my best at taking notes and trying to follow. The whole time, I was wearing heels (damn dresscode), and my feet were crying. I probably only sat down for 5minutes the whole 5 hours I was there. Why is the office job making me stand and move around? /sobs/ Honestly thought I would be mainly sitting the whole time, and didn’t think their strict dresscode would affect me. But 5 hours on your feet while wearing heels is

t o r t u r e.

Other than that, I did answer phone calls and spoke to the customers to the best of my ability. Then, one of my co-workers that were also office position came in and finally trained me on things to do ON the computer. There’s so much I have to learn and memorize, I felt like my brain is getting fried. Even the person training me was scared that I would be overwhelmed. But again, I just did my best. It was only my second day, and there’s only so much I can absorb. Co-workers did encourage me that I will get it in time. But I’m the type of person that wants to get things INSTANTLY. I get really bad anxiety when I don’t know what to do or if I’m feeling lost. I can't stand it. I research everything before going into things just because this is the way I am.

They briefly covered another thing that I feel I need to know, like they just introduced the name of it and then continued on to other things. So I wrote down what it was and I plan on researching it either tonight or tomorrow before work. I even stayed 15min after I clocked out to let my coworker finish what she was teaching me.

Then when I walked to my car, my eyes were tearing up bc of all the pain on my feet that I have been enduring. As soon as I got into the car I quickly took off my heels and drove home barefoot. My feet still stings from the pain bleh. I did research on how to lessen the pain lol.

Sigh, anyways, I got to do better. I always want my employers to need me, and for me not to need them. In 2 out of 3 jobs I’ve had, I was always favored and the hardest worker. I want to be that for this one, too. But it’s going to be tougher this time. :’c

[hiphopandhookah]

7 Things You Probably Don’t Know About Me...

What's up Hip Hop & Hookah Heads?! It's your girl EnerJi. I'm new here to the HH&H crew, so I figured I'd break the ice with a Listicle to help you get to know me better (or at all, let's be real..)

I've been writing forever.

For as long as I can remember I've been journaling and documenting my life and observations. I remember one of the first diaries I owned (maybe THE first) was a little plastic one that looked like a piano on the cover. It had a little cheap lock and rainbow colored pages. It smelled great to me (like candy and fresh paper... mmmm lol). I cherished that thing and took it everywhere. I dunno what I had to write so much about at age five or six, but I was there for it. And that was just the beginning. I wrote a novel in high school about a pair of star crossed lovers from two different mafia families. Once I started letting my friends read it, they started passing it around (sharing actual typed pages. Pre-social media. Imagine that!) and demanding new chapters once they got caught up in the story (think Crazy Eyes style á la Orange Is The New Black). I've had some of my poetry published as well. Writing is something that I've always done and has been a huge part of my life that not many people know about or know the depth and breadth of. It's often helped me work though my issues and sort things out in my head. This isn't my first time blogging, but it is my first time blogging on a public platform like this, so I'm hoping it'll be a fun and transformative experience. And I hope you enjoy my ramblings. ^_^

I have a few different online personas/brands.

The three most active being ChocolatGyrl, DigitalMiss (of DigitalMissDesigns), and most recently BoheMetro.

ChocolatGyrl is more of a personal alias. A nickname from real life that came to encompass my personal online presence. For a while I had a project going called #ChocolatGyrlUncensored where I'd express and engage my friends and readers with thoughts, ideas and questions to spark a deeper dialogue in the interest of gaining understanding, or just for a laugh.

DigitalMiss is my professional handle for all things art/business related. My company DigitalMissDesigns has been in operation for over 10 years and specializes in digital image consultation, graphic design, and photography.

   BoheMetro is my latest passion project borne out of my accidental discovery and love for jewelry making. Life circumstances brought me to a place where I had a chance to work at a local beading and jewelry shop where I got to learn how to make, design and repair custom jewelry, working mostly with natural gemstones. I. Fell. In. LOVE. And now I create and sell my own custom jewelry designs under the brand name BoheMetro. It’s still new and I’m still learning, but my creativity has had a chance to flourish in this new arena and I’m happy for it.

I have an extensive and eclectic musical collection.

This is something I hope to be able to share and really delve into with you. I love a wide range of music and love to discover and share new music from the popular to the more obscure. My favorite genres of music are Hip Hop, LoFi Chill, ChillHop, Jazz, AfroCuban, Latin, Roots Reggae… The list goes on. I’ve even begun to compose and produce my own music. I haven’t shared much of it publicly as yet, but I think this might be a good platform for that as well.

I love, love, love to dance.

I went from being way too shy to dance in public at a young age to becoming an avid and active Dance Fitness Instructor in the last 8 years, and it was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. Dance helped me to get over my shyness in a big way; it helped me build the confidence to get out of an unhealthy, abusive relationship; and it helped me to develop a love for fitness, health and wellness. It’s been a while since I’ve taught on a regular basis, but it is something I’d like to get into again. However, until then, if you catch me anywhere the music is lit, you will most likely find me on the dance floor. (Especially if Latin music is playing!)

I Art, Therefore I Am.

I think I must have been in the midst of some over-intellectual, teenage angst rant when I said this phrase aloud, channeling my inner Descartes. But I truly identify with being an artist in many ways and I think I always have. Much like writing, Art has been a big part of my life for as long as I can remember. Drawing, painting, photography, sculpture.. I've experimented with it all.

When it came time to choose an institution of higher education, I chose what was once known as IFAC (International Fine Arts College) in Miami, Florida (Now the Art Institute: Miami International University of Art and Design) and decided that Computer Animation was going to be my field of study. It seemed like the perfect marriage of classical art to the burgeoning realm of digital art. I loved every bloody minute of it. From my very first day in my very first class (Cinematic Techniques with Professor Ahmed Shehata - what's up Ahmed?!), to long nights in the computer lab rendering thousands of frames of animation that resulted in just minutes of a final project, I was - for the first time - living completely in my own truth.

Going away to Art school was one of the best decisions I've ever made for myself. Staying true to my most authentic proclivities has always served me best and I find that when I've tried to oppose my natural inclinations, I usually end up unhappy or feeling stuck. While my dreams of making it big as a well known artist may have yet to be realized and I find myself more often representing the "starving artist" stereotype, I am happiest when I'm doing what comes most naturally and doing I love most - Creating. In whatever form or medium.

I'm a certified Yoga Instructor with 500 hours of training under my belt.

In the Winter of 2016 I found myself lost in translation and at an energetic crossroads. I’d been practicing yoga off an on for several years and became very consistent with my practice during a very difficult time in my life. It made the struggle so much easier to bear. Yoga helped open my mind to a way of Being that I was only subtly aware of and didn’t fully comprehend until I started spending time on the mat. It wasn’t until that Winter, however, that I began a journey that would fully immerse me in a Yogic mindset for a solid year of study. It changed my life. Now that my year of study is complete, I’m not completely sure how this training will manifest in my daily life beyond a personal practice, but I am open to wherever the road is taking me in that arena.

I'm a Brooklyn Girl - I Might Take Some Getting Used To

I’ve lived in Duval for the better part of my 30 something years, but I’m a Big Apple Girl to the core (see what I did there? You know you liked it...) and my Jamaican bloodline runs deep through my veins. I'm first generation born stateside in my family, but the Yardie pride is strong with us. The Brooklyn of my birth is just an echoing whisper of the hipster mecca it is now, but I love my hometown all the same. I carry that New York sensibility with me at all times, so if I don’t look like I’m from here or like I don’t belong - that's probably why! (Lol)

So there it is, HH&H Heads. Just a little introduction from me to you. ^_^ I look forward to sharing more with you here. And in case you're wondering, this was supposed to be a list of 10 Things You Probably Didn't Know About Me, but I got stumped on what I should say for the last three. So I cut it. I figure you'll have plenty of time to get to know me, so why try to stuff it all in one blog post?

· Om Shanti ·

 xx · EnerJi

[opepin]

june: week four

19: at around 2 am, i woke up with really hot and tingly feet and legs... i couldn’t sleep for a while. i had to wet my feet with cold water to feel okay again. i felt really dehydrated with a headache and just hot. x_x i disturbed kevin in his sleep and a felt bad too because he had to get up early to get to a meeting. blech. eventually i fell asleep with my feet outside of the blankets. i even tried sleeping outside but i didn’t want to leave kevin with my phone charging and an alarm going off at 7:15 am... well, i got out of bed kinda late. kevin was already out of the apartment and i just felt like crap. i think sleeping late and eating crappily during the weekend has to stop. i did a good job at the beginning of the weekend but after saturday, i knew i would sleep late. we were also cleaning a bit late yesterday so yeah...sigh. dave and phil and company were flying into new york today so work was a bit chill today.

i did a quick workout and showered to get rid of that icky feeling. i did some work and ate lunch. i got a pretty bad headache after the work day. i elevated my feet, watched an episode of ‘reign’ and waited for kevin to get back. we rested for a bit when he got back. both of us were feeling pretty bleh. then kevin went to cooking and i did some ab exercises. we ate dinner and then rested before showering. i spent some time thinking about how to assemble my team for bravely default’s group bosses. then i went to sleep at around 12 am. my head was hurting like crazy. i stayed up looking up information on physical therapy and whether or not i should make an appointment or not.

20: kevin and i slept through my alarm...and woke up at 10 am o___o my head still hurt like crazy and mother nature gifted me something for my birthday -__-” lol. kevin ate breakfast and then headed to work. i ate breakfast, took advil, and then went to work. i also called cigna to make sure ati physical therapy was in my network and then called them to make an appointment for thursday. everyone was super nice. i also spent some time trying to hunt down the swarovski dog figurine for my mom’s birthday...but they’re sold out everywhere @_@ omg. i’ll wait and see if they restock them. if not, i’ll buy it off another store. it was a pretty chill day because the conference was going on and i couldn’t do any testing. i tested a bit in the morning, got on the stand up, and then worked with whatever i had. i played some bravely default and then worked out. after working out, i went down to check the mail. there was no mail so i went back up and as i was putting away my slides, kevin opened the door?! he also had mail in his hand??? i told him that i just went down and he said he took the elevator to come up. IT WAS SO SUSPICIOUS.

kevin lied terribly so i found out that he hid my birthday present in the storage room and he was coming from there. he was so mad at my timing LOLOL. it was so funny. i always figure out what kevin is getting me for any occasion and he’s fed up with my “bad timing.” good times. then we relaxed for a bit. kevin was making noodles for dinner but then we realized we didn’t have our ground pork???? we might have left it at kam man? but i never bagged it or saw it in the bagging area? so confused. we had a meatless noodle dish but it was super flavorful with the sauce. i showered and then we ate dinner while watching chef john videos and then kevin cleaned up and i gamed for the rest of the night. i’m so close to beating the game!!! i only have just a few more group battles!!! i got into bed and looked up pretty little liars’ plot (idk why) and then went to sleep at like 12 am.

21: i’ve been waking up later than usual but i’ve been getting a good amount of sleep. :) i started work right away because phil sent me something to work on. i ate breakfast with kevin and then put on the newest episode of ‘world of dance’ and then worked while watching. i did a quick workout before stand up, got on a couple calls to help out customers, and then ate lunch. then at the end of the day, i did my oblique workout. it was day two of the conference so steve told us to take it easy. i showered after my workout and then got dressed. then i tried beating the “magic” group boss battle and i kept dying so i qq’d and then tried to nap but it was already 4:45 pm so i closed my eyes for a bit and then took the train to downtown crossing. a lady fell down on the train because of dehydration but she was ok. .__. i’ve never experienced so many things on the train! so many things happen on the ‘t’ in comparison to the cta. anyway, i waited for kevin because he was walking from work to downtown crossing... lol. i was grumpy when he arrived because he missed the train by like a minute but it was okay. :)

we got to sur la table and then started our master class on steaks! it was a more communal type of class where each side of the room gets to do some prep and then volunteers could grill a steak, cut it, sous vide, etc. our chef was deadpan funny (reminded me of barry) and we learned a good amount of technique and food science -- i loved it. i didn’t cook any of the steaks but had fun prepping. kevin got to sous vide one and also sear it with a blow torch after. kevin guesstimates we probably had $35 worth of restaurant steak -- i was so full by the end of the class. i think it went from 6:30 to 10 pm though x__X we didn’t start eating until 8:45 pm so i was starving. nancy, one of the kitchen aides also made us mango sorbet with vanilla whipped cream!! SO DELICIOUS. we got a 10% off coupon at the end of the class and the store to ourselves. we bought a le creuset bakeware set on the spot because i thought $100 was so cheap for it EXCEPT that le creuset bakeware is cheaper than the dutch ovens and etc. x__x so we’re returning it haha. it’s okay. we commuted home and then i did some cleaning and then went to sleep at around 12 pm. i was tireddd and my feet were really tired.

22: i woke up with another headache??? i don’t know why. i was really tired and my legs were sore. kevin apparently had a half day today so i planned to meet up with him after my physical therapy appointment. i ate breakfast, caught up with phil, and did a quick low-impact workout before heading out to my appointment. i got there 10 minutes early and filled out paperwork and then got right into my appointment. my physical therapist, bryan, was super chill and fun to chat with. he’s not 100% that it’s a fracture but he said it might be a fracture or broken bone in my right foot. he thinks that my other foot is hurting because it’s taking pressure off my right foot... so yeah. he heated my feet and put balm on them to help with the swelling and then we did some strengthening stretches! it was such an interesting experience :O then he sent me off with some ice (which i had to throw away because i was meeting with kevin for lunch -- i shouldn’t have asked him for some x__X i feel bad) and we scheduled more appointments and he told me to get an x-ray. i was feeling akjfnskjdf about it because of the money but this is the reason why i am building an emergency fund!! i’ll always keep on saving so i need to remind myself that.

i walked to yo sushi! to get lunch with kevin. i kinda got lost and i was hurtin’ a bit when i got there but it was all good in the hood. their fried rice is pretty good and their nori tacos are delicious. i also loved their mochi selection -- the passionfruit one is surprisingly tart yet creamy~ then we took the bus and train home and i hopped on a quick call with a customer and then called up my insurance and made an appointment with my pcp. okay, i’m doing the right thing and taking care of my body instead of worrying about the money. with insurance, an x-ray for my feet isn’t that expensive anyway. i got this. breathe. lol, i’m such a money worrier sometimes... i tried beating bravely default again with no avail. i might just battle the broken way now because i just don’t know how not to T_T then kevin surprised me with his birthday presents. he did get me the roasted green tea i love drinking at sumi (well, not the exact one because that one was sold out and i wasn’t expecting the EXACT one either haha). he also got me a log pillow <333333 it’s perfect for elevating my feet and i’m closer to becoming a real komala now. i love it! :DD thank you so much, kevin <3333

kevin cooked us veggie fried rice and then i got real frustrated with the game and rq’d ahha. then i did my physical therapy exercises and did some thigh workouts. i showered after and hopped in bed at 11 pm. i slept at around 11:30 pm. zzzz.

23: kevin decided to wfh so we’d be leaving to get to the bus to new york together~ it was a really chill morning. we had a weird eating schedule so i ate and kevin didn’t and then kevin got some food in him before we left to catch our amtrak ride to new york. oh, during the work day, i thought i was going to have to work over the weekend because we had a really important release to check in on but phil let me go free because it was my birthday and i also wouldn’t have anywhere to properly work (we’d be leaving the hotel at 12 pm and then wouldn’t have anywhere with a stable wifi connection). so we packed our last minute things and then headed out. i stopped by starbucks and got a trenta-sized original pink drink and then kevin went to get us sweetgreen bowls for our train dinner. it was a struggle finding seats at first because we sat behind a guy with really bad body odor and was talking on the phone so then kevin wanted to move and we ended up moving several carts down and finding a pretty empty cart (i didn’t have hope for a bit). then i ate my harvest bowl and it was deliciousssss. kevin liked his salad too. we stayed up for most of the trip. our stomaches started hurting a bit after eating the salad because of all the raw fiber...LOL but it was a nice ride to new york overall.

we walked to the nomad hotel and was greeted by the perfectly awkward hostess. i say she was perfect because the decor of the nomad is very noir and a bit creepy and she was kind of like that but soooo sweet and she gave us free water haha. there was a freestanding claw foot tub -- oh, she upgraded us to the atelier room as well, woot! yeah, so there was a bathtub, the room separator actually housed the toilet and the shower, and the bed was so comfy. we left our luggage there and relaxed for a bit before heading out to tous les jours to get some noms. kevin went ham and got like 3 things and i got a honey bun and a piece of decadent chocolate mousse cake. it was super rich. we were super full by the end of the night and walked back. we were conveniently located near k-town so we weren’t worried about access to food. we got back, showered, used the bathtub and then kevin gave me a massage (thank you :D) before going to sleep. mmm zzzz. i decided we’d be sleeping in until check out time at 12 pm because it was already 2 am and we were beat. 

24: i’m going to preface this day by saying that me and kevin still don’t like new york city but we still had a fun time. we don’t like new york city overall because people just seem like they don’t know how to walk down the street politely (like can you not take up the whole sidewalk?), it’s so dirty (garbage bags everywhere), most people seem to have a snotty / miserable attitude (worker at tous les jours was literally just following us while mopping the floor and omg, prime example: a guy came out of the bathroom at smith’s while i was waiting to use it and he left the sink water running, didn’t flush, and peed all over the toilet seat, what the heck?), we seem to hit red lights every block we walk, and i think i would feel pretty lonely in this city because this city makes me feel like no one cares and i would feel stressed about not having a social life because the city is alive until the am all the time. it’s just one of those cities you either love or dislike i think... anyway, those are the few things about new york we don’t like and i don’t think we will ever live there.

so we kept to the schedule and we checked out at exactly 12 pm if not a few minutes earlier. then we walked a block down to get brunch at a place called, smith’s. it was aiight. i wouldn’t recommend it. then we walked to uniqlo to see if they had any of the nintendo shirts i wanted still in stock -- they didn’t. we stopped by a gamestop and think geek before and looked around and then decided to go to nintendo ny. it was a ways down and my feet started hurting so we stopped at kinokuniya bookstore on the way to the nintendo store. kevin called me weird in front of a group of people for collecting sonny angels and it hurt, tbh, so i got upset a bit and browsed the store on my own. then i found a fire emblem art book and showed him and he apologized. we bought a drink to sit down in the cafe area, i waited in line to use the bathroom, and then we continued our walk to the nintendo store. man, it was soooooper packed. we walked around people and then decided to rq this walking thing and went to the closest barnes and noble. kevin grabbed a table and got us fiji water and a venti passion iced tea. he read fanfic while i picked up ‘the elephant vanishes’, ‘milk and honey’, ‘crazy rich asians’, and ‘love and misadventure’ from the store and read the two poetry books before heading out to momofuku. the poetry books were great. i can see why people love ‘milk and honey.’

we took the train to momofuku and when we got there, there was already a small line. i tried seeing if there were any more momofuku sneakers on sale but kevin tried with his iphone and they were sold out T_T it wasn’t meant to be LOL. we quickly got seated and ordered pork buns, shiitake buns, and split a momofuku ramen. this experience was everything that i dreamed of! the flavors were full yet light and i loved the pork buns. 10/10 -- this wasn’t all hype. we ordered 3 banchans and took 2 to go because we were full. their potato salad is on point, the kimchi was on the sweeter side, and their mushrooms were so light! kevin couldn’t eat dessert right away so we spontaneously went into a nail salon and got pedicures! it was both our first times and kevin thought i was the only one getting it but i dragged him in with me. it was a fun and weird experience because the chinese ladies thought we were funny and lost but they were so nice. i just got a clear coat on my nails because idk what i was doing LOL. thank you for doing these things with me, kevin :3 i remembered seeing people with muji bags so we found the muji nearby and walked over there. kevin really liked the vibe. he bought me the hand shredder that i’ve been kinda wanting since forever haha. i told him not to get it for me because it’s kind of novelty but he got it for me anyway.

we walked to the spot dessert bar, got seated immediately (before the rush), and went along with their 3 dessert suggestion for 2 people. it was obviously a mistake because that’s 3 desserts for only 2 people!!! kevin also got a thai iced tea float lulz. we got the matcha lava cake, golden toast, and the yuzu eskimo. the matcha lava cake was delicious. the golden toast was too much...we wouldn’t recommend it because the deep fried toast is just too much. the yuzu eskimo was probably my favorite <3 we struggled eating it all but we did, and the couple next to us were like “you’re young, you guys can do it.” LOL. it was 9 pm and we didn’t have any place to go so kevin suggested watching a movie, and he suggested this earlier after we ate at momofuku too but the closest theater was an indie one and we weren’t about that right then. we walked to the closest amc and saw that only terrible movies were being shown: transformers, the mummy, and rough night. i looked up a bookstore that closes at 12 am so we walked there and they closed at 9:30 pm today T_T so then my final hope was going to this coffee shop that closes at 12 am, and omg, there it was. we were so tired from walking. i shouldn’t have been walking this much. my feet were kind of pulsating and pretty sore by now. the massage at the pedicure place helped a lot though.

we got a chamomile tea and then we unwound with youtube videos and fanfic. we stayed there until closing time. i used the bathroom there and both me and kevin said this was probably the most times in a day that we’ve used public restrooms...haha. we ubered to tous les jours to get some food for the train ride back and then chilled there until they closed. we tiredly talked about friends, life, etc. then we walked to penn station. we passed by the super busy madison square garden area and kevin got a kebab for $6 (rip off) and then we used the washrooms at the station and waited for our amtrak to arrive. we waited for about an hour inside. i was so tired that i wasn’t making much sense when kevin talked to me. i also gave his pokemon ridiculous nicknames LOL. we hopped on the train and then went to sleep right away. actually, it was hella cold so i put on all of the long layers of clothing i brought and then took out my contacts and went to sleep... kevin slept through pretty much the entire ride haha.

it was a super long and event-filled day with kevin. i’m a year older and of course, it doesn’t feel like it. i don’t regret going to new york city for my birthday and spending all the time walking and squatting at places because i got to spend it with kevin too. i think i would have been miserable without him. it was a good day spent. i’ll remember this day forever probably because i don’t think i would do this ever again, especially the whole not having a room to go back to for the entire day. xP i guess thanks for the interesting birthday, new york city! see you later!

25: i kept waking up on the train because it was either too cold or someone was talking -__-’ so i didn’t sleep very well. i was also blind and didn’t want to get up to use the washroom because i couldn’t put my contacts in without burning my eyes (forgot to pack glasses). so i toughed it out and when we finally got back at 8 am, kevin guided me to the train and we got back to the apartment! the first cart we got on, there was an annoying af homeless man that just kept banging his cup and saying weird shit to people. he was doing this on purpose because he kept in time with when he was banging his cup and he also said to me “wakey wakey” -___-’ i wasn’t saying anything but kevin wanted to switch carts so we did. when we got back, we both used the bathroom and then went straight to sleep after that. we woke up at around 2:30 pm and felt so skfnslkfnsdf. we’re never gonna take a 2:40 am amtrak train ever again -- it’s too red eye for us. i’ll also remember to bring a blanket or something too. i felt really tired and out of it the rest of the day. i watched videos, kevin and i argued a bit and i was just tired and overwhelmed so i cried and i think me not being able to walk properly is really getting to me. i really love being mobile and doing things on my own. i also like going to the office to work and exercising and etc but being in this state just really sucks. you’d think that because we went to new york and walked everywhere yesterday that i’m fine to walk and etc, but my feet started hurting like crazy after a while. sigh. 

anyway, we talked about it and then kevin bought buns so we snacked on that. then i did laundry and did my stretches and iced my feet while watching the latest episode of love connection while kevin made omurice. we ate a really late dinner and then i waited for the laundry to dry. i folded the clothes and stuff asap and then brushed my teeth and went to sleep. i think it was around 1 or 2 am. lol my sleeping schedule. @_@;

[saikaigigi]

I had a very short update on my Facebook, but since there's NOTHING to do today at work (or for the rest of the week, for that matter), I figured I'd do an entry here. The weather hasn't really continued warming up that much. I'm still cold in the office and we still have the heater on (or the "stove" as they call it...). Warm coffee is a necessity to stay awake and keep warm. The coffee here isn't that great but I think I've gotten used to it and it isn't the worst thing anymore. The coffee at Pearson was still WAY WORSE. That stuff was poison. And yet, I still drank it...every day. We've been quite busy these days. I got to lead classes on my own for about 2 weeks. The end of the year was kind of "anything goes" in my first year classes. So I did a St. Patrick's Day presentation and a few activities that prompted the students to speak on their own - which was honestly the only time they could, since my JTE for that class isn't very creative and just went through the main dialogue of the chapter over and over until the class fell asleep (seriously, one day I stopped him and said - they're too sleepy to continue. Let's do a short activity to get them awake. We then played Simon Says for 2 minutes.) Anyway, my classes went amazing. We studied 2 songs together, described photos, did word jumbles and drew emotions. And all the students were engaged. My JTE was amazed. I was just like, well it makes sense. They are also all relaxed because they know that grading is over. Really, at this point of the year it's like anything goes. Now the students are on Spring break. I still have to come into work even though there aren't classes. It's whatever, I guess. At least I get paid to sit here and think about literally anything I want and type things like this. Last week, the transfer announcements were made. A few of the teachers I liked are moving to different schools. This happens once a year. The teachers who have only been here for a short time weren't really at risk of transfer, but those who were here for anywhere between 2 to 5 years got picked to move. I never really thought about how hard it would be to transfer because at home, there is such a clear line between work and home life. At 5 you leave and forget about work until the next day. And maybe you don't spend so much time with co-workers. Here, the teachers are assigned for a few years to a school who houses them in teacher housing, and the only people they know are the other teachers and the students. Those people become their life. Their friends. Some of these teachers already live apart from their spouses and children. Sometimes the transfers move them FURTHER away from them. I think it can be really hard to deal with. So I understand why there were so many tears at the goodbye ceremony. While I think it's good for the overall educational system to have an even division of teachers and experience, this is really hard on people. But they're used to it. It's just the way it is. And it will probably be this way for a very long time. Meanwhile in the States, you get teachers who have been there for 30 years who have lost passion because they aren't respected by students and they're just getting worn down. They don't like their co-workers or their students and have a hard time controlling their classrooms sometimes. At this point, I don't know whether or not the Japanese educational system is better or not. In ways, I think it is. But in other ways, everyone just works too freaking hard here! Like, after 5 PM GO HOME AND RELAX! Some of my teachers don't go home until 9PM every day. Like, why? They don't get paid overtime to be there, either! Huh, this became a ramble about education in Japan. Somehow. Recently, Philip and I have been getting out more. Last weekend we made it out to Arita with our friend who is in the Navy and stationed nearby. I have never seen so many pottery shops. It was insane. I definitely want to go back there and explore. We also visited a nice shrine and had a good talk with the priests there and they explained how to buy the fortunes (which had an English translation! They must get a lot of tourists). We talked a lot about how we came to Japan and the charms they were selling. The entrance to the temple was up a set of stairs with a train track at the top, then after you cross the train track you can enter the temple. I found it kind of strange. At the top, it just looks like there are train tracks and then an edge you could fall off of. Philip's cousin came to visit this week. He's a college student studying in Tokyo. He's super full of energy so this week is gonna be fun. We certainly had fun yesterday after we picked him up. We spent all afternoon in Sasebo looking around. I found a flute I had never heard of and decided to buy it. It was sort of an impulse buy, but it wasn't that expensive (until I decided to buy a book to learn with, then things got pricey...the book was more than the flute!). I discovered that I got like a learner's flute, and that these flutes come in bamboo. I really want a bamboo one!!! The flute is a shinobue and it's used in festivals. Also, it turns out that it's the mystery flute from Vampire Princess Miyu that I always loved!!! I may have downloaded that soundtrack when I got home...hehe We found a koto concert in the middle of the shopping strip, and the guy who runs the souvenir shop where I got all my souvenirs for family recognized our Navy friend and we got to clarify where his shop was so we could take another peek. We were met by his son on the corner where we needed to turn (he called him!!), and we were shown inside. We were able to ask questions and explore the shop. I asked about the flutes because I noticed they had more than before. Turns out that they now had the flute I had just bought at the other shop, but the real versions. The shop keeper let me try the flutes (which really surprised me!!!) and I discovered that the one I got was SUPER high pitched like a piccolo. I thought "Great, my neighbor will be so happy..." But actually, I'm thinking of practicing at the beach around the corner from my house. Anyway, I discovered that i LOVE the sound of the flute that has one less finger hole. It's such a nice sound that I can enjoy more by myself without killing anyone's eardrums. He offered to sell one to me for half price. I just could not believe that. Really. What?! I was ready to buy it right then and there! But he said I can take some time to get used to the instrument first. What a nice guy! Not like other sellers who are just like "BUY IT NOW". I truly felt cared for as a customer. They also gave us free plants! I was like Okay! Plants are cool! I'm actually terrible with plants. Philip got me an orchid on our first Valentine's Day and it just died. I got a small flower that was placed in a stone at the culture festival here back in November and I haven't watered it once. I think it might still be alive somehow, though. So...we'll see how long these guys last under my care! They also gave Philip a little squirrel because he asked how much it was and they just said "Please take it!" I think maybe no one was buying it lol. He gave it to me as a present. Oh, and the week before hand I got a deal on some Sailor Moon merchandise at this second hand store in Sasebo called Y.Y....something. Y.Y.Boueki I think? The guy there collects a lot of things, including American things, especially Star Wars. He even has autographed things on display. He let me take a picture with a rare Sailor Moon statue he had. I did make it to GU for the Sailor Moon collaboration, but things sold out VERY fast there and I couldn't choose exactly what I wanted beforehand. But I did get a good amount of things! 3 shirts and a Luna purse! I also decided to snag some pants because I needed some. I now own white pants and they frighten me (I'm going to stain them, I just know it...). also, I'm the biggest size there. That's just unreal. And actually, these pants are slipping a little now that I'm moving around a lot >.> But, I'm just saying, the range of body types here must not be large because if I'm the biggest size, I feel sorry for anyone bigger than me trying to shop for pants. Really. That must suck. I was going to wrap this up but I just remembered the enkai on Friday night that we had. We had a big going away dinner party for the leaving teachers. I had to eat fish and I'm starting not to look forward to the food at these gatherings because I have to force myself to eat a lot of things I don't like. I ate some sort of clam thing, I don't even know what it was. But it came in like a conk shell. Is that even what it's called? God, not growing up near the ocean has never been so apparent as it is now that I'm living by one. I don't know a lot of things about ocean life. Anyway, so each leaving teacher gave a speech and then other teachers would stand up and give a speech back. And it was nuts. They all did a Japanese cheer that I had never heard of. It was actually quite educational. And then the gym teacher who was basically the guy who kept order in this place with the kids, is leaving. So the other gym teacher gave the speech to him. But, not before stripping off his top first. Oh, boy. And then he stood there giving his speech topless and crying. And it was sort of charming to see two men who were such good friends have such a heart to heart moment. Even though one of them had stripped beforehand. XD We went to an after party at a VERY SMALL BAR near my apartment. It was so fun! There was karaoke and it was the most fun I've had with co-workers here. Everyone was singing and cheering and just being totally silly. It was really cool. I'm kind of disappointed that my base school is switching to my other high school now. I'll be there 3x a week. So I'm not as affected by the transfers as the other teachers, but I still feel kind of sad? I don't know the teachers at the other school as well, or the students. It's a bigger school. They're awesome, though. Full of energy and the students are generally pretty smart. Plus, there's a rock band club...so there's that. I think it'll be okay. WOW THIS WAS LONG BYE