#a child is bred to kill him before he can destroy everything. he is hated and feared.

[genderqueerpond]

the main difference between five and eleven is that five started out believing that he was terrible and gradually, slowly, almost to his dismay, learned that he was also great; and eleven started out believing unshakeably that he was great and then slowly, gradually, almost to his relief, learned that he was also terrible.

(this fallout is also the difference between six and twelve.)

[the--highlanders]

I would be interested in hearing about how Jamie influenced the Doctor's moral code

I do want to preface this by saying that one's companions absolutely play a massive role in influencing the doctor's development and morality. barbara probably more than anyone. one as we first meet him in an unearthly child is not the same as one in the tenth planet, or two going forward. he's already come a long way by that point.

that being said, two in power of the daleks and the highlanders is. honestly a lot more morally grey than he is later in his run, or compared to later incarnations. he does very little to reassure ben and polly post-regeneration, picks up the examiner's badge with not a lot of outward concern for the man who's just died, runs around in the highlanders antagonising the people he doesn't like without ever actually specifying whose side he's on. he bashes perkins' head into a table until he admits he has a headache. there's a real sense that he's doing everything he does less because he wants to do the right thing, and more because it's entertaining to him. his sense of right and wrong is far more secondary than it will be in the future.

some of his development is driven by himself, and likely by his other companions - 'there are some corners of the universe which have bred the most terrible things' comes before he's had much of a chance to get to know jamie, let alone have jamie's sense of morality rub off on him. but as the doctor (and the audience) get to know jamie, his moral code starts looking an awful lot like the one the doctor will come to adopt

the first thing about jamie is that while he meets the doctor in the aftermath of a war, while the first time we see him he's holding a knife to two's throat - he's not a soldier. he's a musician. he's spent nearly a year as (more or less) a non-combatant marching with an army. and that shows in the way he acts, because while physically he's a capable fighter, and happy to show that when he needs to, he is fundamentally not a killer. he'll destroy robots, but he won't kill humans or humanoid aliens. he duels with trask, but knocks him off the ship rather than finishing him off. he refuses to fight the gond with a weapon. even when it's to his detriment or puts other people in danger, like him being initially unable to shoot the zombie in the age of ambition.

maybe most tellingly, in the novelisation of the abominable snowmen, he's the one to step in and stop the monks from killing the abbot. he steps in front of the abbot, 'ignoring the weapon' pointed at him, and gets the monks to stand down by telling them 'we've had enough killing'. which is something it's very easy to imagine the doctor doing.

he also ends up being the one to push the doctor into investigating, like in enemy of the world, or putting his foot down and insisting they should do the right thing, like in evil of the daleks where rescues victoria even when two tells him not to. in fact, it's predictable enough that he will do this that two hinges the start of the human factor experiment on the fact that he can tell jamie not to do the right thing and help a complete stranger, and jamie will defy him and do it anyway. more than that, two's whole sub-plan to create 'good' daleks depends on his belief that jamie embodies the best of humanity. at the beginning of series 5, he's already recognised jamie's moral code as something that defines him and that can be depended on.

so jamie is someone who prefers to avoid (lethal) force if he can, and who will stick his neck out to help people when he doesn't have to or when even people he cares deeply for say he shouldn't. which isn't particularly true of two at the beginning of his run, but which starts to become true from s5 onwards, and which later incarnations will cleave to.

but the really telling thing is - we very rarely see jamie truly, properly hate someone. he butts heads with villains (vaughn in the invasion, for instance), and disapproves of people who don't live up to his standards or expectations (william wallace in on a pedestal being childish, irresponsible, and careless with other people; two in evil of the daleks for, again, being careless with other people and appearing to side with the daleks). but there's really only two times on-screen where he can't stand someone. one of these is evans in the web of fear, who really just wants to escape and save himself, rather than help everyone else. he's a coward, and jamie calls him out on it with disgust. but most of all, he hates bennik in enemy of the world. the interrogation scene is probably the angriest we ever see him. he hates bennik's callousness, actively threatens him, and says - interestingly - that he 'must have been a nasty little boy'. he's seething through that whole scene.

so the two characteristics that jamie seems to find completely unbearable are - cowardice, and cruelty. and those are the two major tenets of the 'oath' that goes along with the doctor's identity and mission. 'never be cruel, and never be cowardly'.

he's not solely responsible for the person the doctor becomes and the way they end up approaching the universe - those wheels were set in motion long before he arrived, and the doctor themselves provides a lot of the impetus. but it's interesting that jamie arrives just after the doctor's first regeneration, at a time where he seems to be searching for who he is and who he will be - and there's jamie to set a standard, and hold two to it.

[linkspooky]

That’s What Makes Us Heroes and Villains

All the way back in the aftermath of the Stain Arc, Dabi and Himiko were the first new recruits introduced for the League of Villains. The three of them together, Shigaraki, Dabi, and Himiko are a trio. Effectively the three main characters of the villain side of the story. They are all three of them, traumatized children who were thrown out by society, and are now fighting back against it. They’ve been pushed out further and further until all three of them came to the same conclusion: Heroes are in the way. 

Dabi: “There are no true Heroes.” 

Shigaraki: “You heroes hurt your own families just to help complete strangers.” 

Toga: “You heroes mess everything up.” 

All three of them are children screaming the same thing at the heroes, trying to get somebody to listen only to be ignored. Shigaraki, Dabi, Himiko were all driven to become villains because of hero society. They became villains because heroes existed in the first place. 

A meta on the villain trio under the cut. 

1. Monsters

Shigaraki, Dabi, and Himiko are all introduced to us as monstrous villains who slowly become human over time. Their development is effectively then in reverse of the main heroes. The heroes we sympathize with right away because they’re introduced to us as innocent kids. We see the villains as violent monsters first before the curtain is pulled back and it’s revealed they started out as children all along. 

When the three are introduced they have no affection for one another. Shigaraki even calls them “the two types I hate most.” There’s no trust, as the first thing the three do is try to kill each other. 

We’re introduced to them at their lowest point. All three of them are in a bad place effectively. Himiko has been on the run for months, Dabi has been who knows where, and Shigaraki has had two successive failures in his attacks on both Stain and USJ. 

Their cooperation in the Camp Raid arc is begrudging at best. This goes for the whole league of villains, (Spinner and Magne end up making things harder for each other, Several members get captured) they seem to be working against each other as much as they are working together.

Shigaraki, Dabi and Himiko were all effectively traumatized by the same thing, being cast out from hero society. However, in this arc they all have vastly different desires that make working together difficult. Dabi wants to fulfill Stain’s Will, Shigaraki wants to take down All Might and Hero Society at large to show how fragile it is, Himiko wants to take down Hero Society for the sake of her easier life. 

They are not at this point motivated to work together at all and it shows in their cooperation.Dabi doesn’t really make any attempt to lead. Shigaraki just watches from the sidelines and sends out other people on a mission where he doesn’t really care much if they succeed or fail.  Himiko doesn’t try that hard to complete her mission objective because at this point all she cares about is her own survival. 

However after the defeat of All for One, the league of villains ends up all experiencing the same traumatizing loss together. They all become disenfranchised, living off of no money, and constantly having to be on the run. They lose all of their resources. However, as a reuslt their bonds with one another are strengthened and they really are working together for the first time. 

Himiko isn’t just looking out for herself anymore. Not only does she not run away when things get hard, but she encourages Twice to do the same because she empathizes with his feelings. 

Shigaraki goes from ordering people around in the shadows to not only meeting with his comrades face to face. He also has become the type of fighter who jumps straight into enemy fire on the front line for the sake of his comrades, using his own body as a distraction so he could work together with Compress and Dabi. 

And remember, Dabi’s flames physically destroy his body every time he uses them. Yet, he respects Shigaraki’s leadership enough that he goes all out for the sake of the league when he’s asked to. If Dabi didn’t care about the league at all, he probably wouldn’t be constantly burning himself alive for their sakes. 

All three humanize one another through their relationships with each other, Shigaraki values his comrades lives more than his own, Dabi cooperates with other people for the sake of his goal, Himiko’s empathic side began to show all because the three of them were for the first time surrounded by people who were just like them. 

When shown empathy and understanding, Dabi, Shigaraki and Himiko all improve as people. They are not lost causes the plot has shown us the opposite, they’re capable of growing and changing. However, they are just as capable of GETTING WORSE. 

2. Bad Children

Shigaraki, Himiko and Dabi all share the same origin. They were pushed to become villains because of what happened to them as children. They are the only three members of the league who have been shown as children, deliberately so, because the fact that this happened to them as children is what is so important to their narratives. 

Himiko was born with a weird quirk, and that was it. She didn’t even show problematic behavior that far off of most children (most children don’t have the empathy to know that say, small animals will suffer pain if you hurt them) before her parents started to punish her. Tenko just wanted to be a hero and had a father with a grudge against heros when his punishment started. When he was in the streets begging for help the only thing he was guilty of was having a quirk  that activated on accident. Touya was bred by his father for the purpose of his quirk, and because of that had to grow up in a household where his mother was constantly crying and his father either ignored him as a failed experiment, or paid attention to him which would have made his life even worse. 

It’s not just a sad backstory for all three of them, it’s a case of systemic failure. Systems that should have protected them did not. The reason we’re shown this happening to them when they were children before they did anything wrong was that the narrative most heroes have is villains choose to be evil and there’s no helping it. 

However, this happened to Dabi, Shigaraki and Himiko through no choice of their own. They were all helpless children when they survived these circumstances. The argument that “They could have tried to endure and become heroes” doesn’t work either, because all three of them did try to endure. 

They all at one time or another made an attempt to be good children. They tried to reach their parent’s expectations for them. They tried to swallow up the abuse that was hurled on them and live with other people. 

They were all children who were being abused, and told to just go on with their lives, told not to cry, told to suck it up. Instead of trying to fix or even address the circumstances of their abuse all of their pain was effectively ignored. Shigaraki, Himiko, being children DID TRY to live exactly as the adults told them to. They tried to be “Good Children” under the standards of adults, and they couldn’t be. 

That’s the reality of living in an abusive household like the one Tenko grew up in. No matter what he had done, he would have been punished. He was the problem child, the scapegoat for his father’s abuse. Rather than tell the father to stop abusing the child, the child is held responsible for the behavior and told that they were at fault for provoking punishment. 

Before you use Shoto as an example of still wanting to be a hero after enduring abuse, here’s the difference. Shoto didn’t die. Touya did. 

All three of them were cast out before they did anything wrong. Are they still responsible for the choices they made as adults? Yes. However, I think it’s important to acknowledge that all three of these characters did attempt to try making the right choices and they still got cast out anyway. It’s not because they were good or bad children. It’s because society was designed to reject people like them. 

RHA TRANSLATION: That’s how the muck gets cast out. That’s how they break and retaliate. That’s how it loops back, again, and again, and again. 

The translations are radically different this week I’m not sure which one is right, but they are vaguely talking about the same cycle. Shigaraki, Dabi, Himiko were rejected before they did anything wrong. They were forced to endure all of this as children. They gained power to survive and began to fight back. They retaliated against the violence done to them as children as adults. Then, they are punished again. 

It is a cycle where both people are acting badly. Shigaraki, Himiko, and Dabi drag innocent people into the conflict, because all they can think of to wake people up to the reality of their suffering is to make them endure the same. To show the world the violence they’ve endured on a mass scale, until it becomes impossible for those who are sheltered and protected by society, those who are saved to ignore the problems of those who aren’t saved. Shigaraki, Dabi and Himiko get innocent people involved it’s true.

HOWEVER. Were they not innocents at any point? Were they not just children who had not done anything wrong? 

And we return to the Tenko household. Shigaraki, Himiko, Dabi are all responsible for their violent reactions to the problem, that was the choice they made. However, they weren’t the ones who created the situation in the first place.

Villains are held as responsible for all of society’s ills. We are told by heroes that villains choose to become evil, and that the only way to stop them is to violently suppress their activities. However all of these villains for the most part, are outcasts who hold no real power in society, and all have yes made choices to retaliate violently but were also pushed into those choices. 

The society around them is designed to exclude people like Shigaraki, Himiko and Dabi. THE PROBLEM ELEMENT, is ignored rather than addressed. 

What Shigaraki is saying here is that heroes don’t protect the people most in need of their protection, the biggest victims. They are designed to protect a status quo. 

Heroes protect the institutions that are already in place, no matter how cracked or flawed those institutions are. they keep them in place. They are fighting to preserve a power structure that keeps heroes in power. The ones who have the power in society are the heroes. The ones who create society are the heroes. The ones who create the situation are the heroes. The villains in MHA are reacting to the problem, but they didn’t create the problem. 

3. Twice

Dabi, Shigaraki and Himiko all have an incredibly important relationship to Twice. Dabi shows up to try to save Twice, even though he states he doesn’t care about the league. Himiko opens up to Twice and empathizes with him. Shigaraki goes to save Giran because Twice asked him to, and opened up to his team for the first time because of Twice’s begging and pleas. 

The scene we see play out with Twice is what happened to Shigaraki, Himiko and Dabi as well. Twice is given an impossible choice. He can conform and sacrifice all of his friends to go with Hawks, or he can die right here. Once again, yes it is a choice. I must emphasize everything is a choice. The choice to retaliate is still a choice even if it’s influenced by the environment. However, this is a choice effectively made with a gun to Twice’s head. 

What’s interesting is, when given the choice between betraying the people closest to him or getting shot in the head. Twice chooses to take the bullet. 

As I said everything is a choice. Even an influenced choice is a choice. If someone is holding a gun to your head, you can just choose to die. You might be stuck in a situation where there are only bad choices, but it’s still a choice you make. 

I emphasize choices over and over again, because somebody chose to make the world this way. 

They exist in a system where villains are held accountable for all of their violence, their choices, and heroes are not. Heroes can effectively get away with murder as we’ve been shown with Hawks and Tokoyami. 

I’d also like to emphasize that the villains make these choices while directly facing all of the flaws of society. The heroes for the most part are completely ignorant to the suffering of villains. We are shown this ignorance again and again. The villains attempt to explain themselves, their motivations and reasonings, and every time they are literally ignored. 

Heroes and Villains both make choices, but Heroes are completely blind to their own faults. When they are told about the cracks of society by people who have lived through that, they effectively ignore the role they had to play in it. Twice tries to explain he can’t betray his friends to Hawks, that they’re all capable of being good people and he gets ignored. Shigaraki explains to Endeavor that his father told him heroes hurt their own families, he gets ignored. Endeavor’s case is especially EGREGIOUS. Endeavor who should be more aware of his own flaws than anybody else, still pretends to be the perfect faultless hero. 

Heroes and Villains are both responsible for creating this flawed world, but the villains are held responsible, and the heroes are not. Heroes are given special privilege in society, Villains are mostly made up by the underprivileged and cast out. Society, is intentionally designed to divide up people like this and categorize one over the other. 

And I think it’s especially important that every time Shigaraki tries to get someone to listen to him he gets told the same thing. Endeavor believes he is a good person fighting to protect others. He claims that he is the hero, fighting against someone who only hollowly wishes to destroy. Shigaraki tries to explain himself, he even makes a reference to familial abuse which Endeavor SHOULD RECOGNIZE and Endeavor’s response is to tell him to shut up and die. 

Shigaraki, Dabi, and Himiko are wrong for violently retaliating, but every time they make any attempt to explain themselves they’re rejected just as violently. They are told, like they were when they were just children, to just shut up and take it. Shigaraki is told by Nana, Endeavor, Gran Torino everyone around him to die rather than fight back, is it no wonder he believes the whole system rejects him? 

It is an unfair system to begin with, deliberately designed to uplift a few people into privilege and cast others out. 

Heroes act like the few people who don’t get saved are just bad luck, but it’s not. Good social programs would have saved Twice. Social services would have saved Himiko. All Might realizing Endeavor was an abusive jerk would have saved Touya. If Gran Torino had checked up on Nana’s child, Shigaraki would not have happened. 

All of these kids “just got unlucky” except the society they live in was designed to outcast certain people like them from the start. It’s meant to let people fall through the cracks. In each case it wasn’t bad luck, but rather intentional neglect of all parties involved. 

Twice is told what happened to him was bad luck, but Twice didn’t slip and fall  on a knife. He was put into the situation intentionally by Hawks. Hawks singled him out, targeted him, pushed him to the breaking point, and then killed him. The one who had power and the upper hand in that situation was Hawks from the start, but Twice is blamed for his own death for merely fighting back. 

The connection between Shigaraki, Dabi, and Himiko is that they’re pushed to become more and more radical over time. Himiko had killed a few people yeah, but she wasn’t a terrorist on a mass scale. 

Dabi had no criminal record when he started. He only started killing people to make the news  when his father became the number one hero. The more they are rejected, the more radical they become. 

All three of them have become radicalized by the death of Twice, and all three say effectively the same thing. 

Dabi: “There are no true Heroes.”

Shigaraki: “You heroes hurt your own families just to help complete strangers.”

Toga: “You heroes mess everything up.”

Why do they blame heroes? It’s because heroes are the guardians of the society that rejects them. Heroes do not protect people, they protect systems and structures first and foremost. The heroes aren’t coming to save them and they never were. 

[wanna-b-poet31]

An (at this point certainly more than) 4-part Meta on Good Omens Part 3: The Dubious Coping Skills of Aziraphale

Sooooo! Surprise surprise, I have lots and lots of thoughts on the ineffable husbands and their respective trauma/abuse recovery arcs. Sorry if anyone expected different content from me.

Before I get into how the abuse the ineffable husbands endure affects their relationship with each other or how through their relationship together, they are healing, helping both of them recover their issues, I want to examine their current coping skills.

Aziraphale, the loveable bastard

Aziraphale is many things. Loving, kind, naive, powerful, and forgiving. Which, is why the audience and Crowley love him. He’s so gosh darn good at being good (and a bastard). However, Heaven is a highly emotionally abusive and manipulative place and Aziraphale is traumatized by his experiences. 

God openly admits that interacting with her is like playing a game in a dark room where the dealer is always smiling and changing the rules. Essentially, the “parental” figure is distant, and often unsupportive of the “child’s” needs or thoughts.  I already explain in Part 1 how Heaven’s angels (cough cough Gabriel the asshole cough cough) are explicitly emotinally abusive. 

This is compounded not just by the threat of expulsion, but the reality of it. On no uncertain terms, dissenters (demons) are cast out, ultimately denied the love and care supposedly implicit in being a child of God. They’re all typecasted as evil, bad, wrong creatures unable to do the right thing. Although abuse is a complex, often fluid, mix of manipulation, intimidation, and aggression, the lack of communication and implicit expectation of compliance, breeds abuse and instills trauma.  God’s threats of abandonment, coupled with the intimidation by archangels with their own agenda (see part 1), and a lack of any healthy support system loom low over the head of our favorite angel. 

For example, in the beginning, he already knows the difference between kindness and cruelty; right and wrong; good and evil. Instead of he simply “does” his little rebellious act of giving humans his flaming sword, no questions, no permission, no bureaucracy, just action out of kindness and compassion for these creatures who had just gone against a direct order from God. Aziraphale is doing good at this moment. His only concern is with their ability to protect themselves and their children. He knows that not doing so would put these creatures in harm's way. He doesn’t hesitate, he doesn’t ask questions, he doesn’t doubt himself, he simply acts. 

However, everyone else around him who he is expected to trust, would not think his actions are just. God angrily confronts him, Gabriel belittles him, and the guard preparing him for battle insults and shouts at him (calling him a pathetic excuse for an angel).  This all causes him significant anxiety because of the threat of real loss. Not just of love and home and family, but of identity. Aziraphale’s defining defining defining trait is his joy of helping others and pride at being an angel. He loves being “good”, and damn it is he good at the job (if not a tad naive at times). 

But, several times (with God, Gabriel, and the guard respectively), we see the impact of this decision to give away his sword results in a spike in Aziraphale’s anxiety, fear, and denial. All of which are byproducts of his abuse. Unfortunately, his instinct for deflection from a problem is the perfect recipe for several shots of top shelf levels of repression, his primary coping skill.  

Based on his conditioning, he should have shunned the humans just like everyone else. He should have smitten the demon Crowley and turned his back on humanity. He is an angel, after all, and he can’t disobey orders. But he doesn’t hate them, he can’t hate them. He loves them all. 

Aziraphale constantly shows that he loves hard and honestly. He must have been the only one listening when God said to love all of her creatures because he genuinely wants to help them. But, based on the lack of communication and distinct power imbalance between him and the other angels, he’s not sure HOW to do it all the time. 

He’s constantly fearing that he’ll be punished for his compassion, for his love of humanity. Which, in many ways shows the complexity of his abuse at work. He doesn’t hate Heaven or God, not really, he’s a firm believer that they are the purveyor of good up until it’s obvious that no one (save Crowley) ever intended to treat him like an equal. Instead, throughout the series, he deflects from Heaven’s actions, believes them when they say that demons are evil, that giving his sword away was wrong, that God is unquestionable, that he is soft (read: pathetic). Even, and often frequently, when he knows that the information is wrong. 

 He knows through Crowley that demons aren’t (all) bad. It is evident when Crowley performs miracles for him unprompted, or when they go for lunch, or when they time and time again try to save each other. He also knows he loves Crowley based on the fact that he actively seeks out his companionship and is terrified of someone “destroying” his best friend.

He knows from Pepper and Adam and Eve, that giving humans a way to protect themselves is necessary (even if War is bred from it) otherwise they wouldn’t have been able to survive. 

He knows that God IS questionable ANDD that you should be questioning her because drowning!! a whole bunch of people!! including kids!! is wrong!! and he knows as much when he distances himself from Her choices. 

He knows he’s not soft (even though Gabriel tells him he is) because he’s willing to do the difficult thing when the cards are down, and even then he believes fighting a war is not the solution to Armageddon. Hell, he knows neither killing the kid or going to war is going to solve all his problems. But being compassionate, or young, or naive isn’t a bad thing, it makes him stronger and able to identify with Adams’ fears about being able to stop Satan. 

But just because he can see the truth, no, rather ESPECIALLY  because he can see that this is true, he knows he’s woefully underprepared for any sort of confrontation on his feelings. He doesn’t know how to cope with the mental disconnect between his heart and Heaven. How can Heaven be right if they’re wrong about smiting, and safety, and him, and Crowley? The short answer is they can’t. But, he doesn’t know what to do with this paradox, and the doubt scares him to the core. 

At first, he denies there’s anything traumatic going on. There is nothing wrong with the constant fear of falling by stepping out of line. That there is nothing what’s happening or how Crowley is being portrayed as evil when at best he’s wily. He buys the “there’s nothing to see here” mask of Heaven.  

He is clearly more than willing to internalize the dismissive nature of Gabriel (see parallels between being called soft and calling himself soft). He can excuse the fear tactics of Uriel (just trying to prevent the wily snake from doing bad like demons are supposed to do). He can even rationalize the destruction of Noah, Sodom, Gamorah, and Jesus (all part of the ineffable plan). However, none of it is healthy for him, because it requires him to distance himself from the good he wants to do and the abuse he’s suffering. 

But, once it’s too overwhelming to handle, and the cost of acknowledging that there is a problem with the system is too high, he starts repressing his desires. 

For example, he represses his instinct for action allll the time. Where in the garden he just DID give humans his flaming sword, he has to physically restrain himself from action and calling Crowley the moment he learns the truth about Adam. He goes as far as LIE to Crowley that he’d tell him the news when he got it because he’s unable to coordinate the conflicting ideas that demons are bad, but Crowley is good. Subsequently, he represses his love for Crowley down, because the only supportive thing in his life Also is the biggest thing that goes against everything else he’s been conditioned to believe. 

Whenever there’s a whisper of doubt, he falls back on the dogmatism of “I’m an angel”, as a reason for action or inaction and represses his instinct to do anything about it. But a denial of a problem isn’t solving the problem. Repressing his issues aren’t coping with the underlining abuse that the whole power structure is based on.  

Let’s take the break-up scene where shit had hit the fan. 

The end of the world is coming and Aziraphale KNOWS where the anti-christ is. He’s figured it all out, and he needs to act, the thing he is more afraid of doing than anything else. He acted in the garden, had done what needed to be done, and for his efforts was shamed into denying what he had done, and lied to (almost) everyone about giving it away. He got lucky he didn’t fall then (lying to God and all) and he simply doesn’t have the support system to risk her or Heaven’s wrath. 

So, he can’t just act on it. He doesn’t just go in on a Bentley on fire or run away with Crowley, or even just admit that there’s a problem with heaven. He’s to a point where he’s been conditioned into thinking anything but Heaven’s side is wrong. He’s clinging to the only thing that feels stable when he’s scared. Put simply, he can’t admit that the right thing to do here is to tell Crowley, tell him, fix the problem, or fight Heaven and Hell trying. He’s too afraid of the real consequences. He’s too afraid of being alone, without anyone to lean on. And, it doesn’t help that he’s been manipulated for 6000 years into not questioning procedure. 

But then he’s confronted by Crowley. Crowley tells him (under the assumption they were always on their own side) that if they can’t solve Armageddon they’ll run away together and try their best avoiding the war. But to run away would be admitting that Heaven is >gasp< wrong. That there is a flaw with his home, his family, with God’s plan and he doesn’t have the tools to do that. Sure, by this point he’s questioned everything they’ve told him about Demons, but it’s ingrained into his psyche. He either has to trust Heaven or be damned to hell.  There is no middle ground for Aziraphale. 

So he does the only thing he knows how to do in a traumatic situation. He deflects. He reverts back to 6000 years ago when he should be horrified by Crowley. He says “we’re on opposite sides” and that he doesn’t like Crowley. He says they aren’t friends. He lies. Because it’s easier to lie than to confront his trauma.   It’s easier to lie and say there’s nothing there (it’s easier to repress) than to admit that yes, he wants to run away, he wants to be with Crowley, he wants to be on their own side. It’s easier than the alternative which is a loss of identity and safety. 

All of this to say that his reaction is the consequence of repressing his doubts about heaven and his love for Crowley. He explodes at the demon. He says harmful, hurtful, things to his best friend because he doesn’t know how to reconcile the abusive power structure of heaven and the support Crowley has given him. So, he chooses not to act. He can’t leave. No matter how much he wants to go with Crowley at that moment, his repressed feelings won’t let him. Even as he’s days away from Armageddon, he can’t work through his feelings yet. He doesn’t have the tools or security yet. He doesn’t feel safe.

If he weren’t repressing his actions -- if he would look the abusive gift horse (Heaven) in the mouth -- he would see that Heaven is manipulating him, intimidating him until they get what they want -- war. But, he doesn’t know how to cut the cord, or to do the right thing without falling. And falling, without anyone to catch him, is too scary, too daunting. He’s traumatized into believing the only one capable of loving him, even if it’s conditionally, is Heaven and God, and losing that support is out of the question. What he doesn’t realize is that Crowley is head over heels in love with him, and (even if he weren’t in love) prepared to catch Aziraphale from falling. 

Because it’s always Crowley. It is only Crowley -- the supposedly “bad” character -- who supports him about the sword. Only Crowley reassures him his actions and justifications are valid and soothes his anxiety, reaffirming that his position matters. For all the fanfare Crowley makes about being “not nice”, or jabs at Aziraphale’s love of magic, he never once belittles his angel. Sure, there’s light-hearted banter, but nothing he says really has a bite to it. Nothing he does is to harm or degrade Aziraphale.  There’s mutual respect, care, and active love oozing off of Crowley towards Aziraphale. 

The only caveat is that due to Crowley’s own dubious coping skills (see next installment) he clashes with Aziraphale’s understanding of the world at the park.  Consequently, it and makes Aziraphale’s coming to terms with his own Heavenly abuse harder, because he can’t be sure Crowley will be there to catch him. 

It is not until he tries to go to the top, go directly to God, and met with indifference, and then is confronted by the guard who tells him he’s pathetic does he realize that there is, in fact, a problem with the way he’s being treated and the way the system is built to fail. It’s built to harm humanity and destroy everything Angels are supposed to love. It is until he cannot deny it any longer, or risk everything he’s trying to say, that he finally stops repressing his instincts AND HE GOES. He leaves Heaven, a man on a mission style. And it’s not that he falls so much, that he jumps. 

The terror of falling is the lack of control and concent. If he’s pushed, falling backward into the hellfire, he loses his identity, he loses his home, and he loses his only sense of self. If he jumps, however, he’s on his own terms (for the first time in the whole blessed series) and he can make choices about who is in his life and how. If he jumps, he’s not at the mercy of his distant “parent” or his blood-lust fellow angels.  In short, if he jumps, he’s free of the power imposed onto him. If he jumps he’s able to make his own decisions. If he jumps he’ll end up with Crowley. 

So he jumps. 

The bottom line is that repressing his behaviors is harmful to his own mental health and nearly destroys the only meaningful, and unconditional relationship he has. Since the dawn of time, and perhaps before then, Heaven has made it perfectly clear that he is disposable. Aziraphale is just another name on a roster who is causing too much trouble for the strict dogma of Heaven, Gabriel, and God. Those in charge treat him like a half-rate idiot who is missing the point of their war because he’s soft, or naive, or too human. They all treat him as lesser because he’s different, and believe they hold all the power over him.

Which brings me to the whole point of unpacking how Aziraphale fails at coping with trauma. Equality. When he goes to heaven with his news, he’s met with dismissive coddling and outright insult. When he >spoiler< masquerades as Crowley, he is 3 against 1, horribly outnumbered, and not expected (well Crowly’s not expected) to get through the “trial” alive. God herself literally speaks down to him when asking about his sword. There is, ultimately, no winning for Aziraphale in Heaven or Hell’s systems. He has to cobble together his own side to truly be able to move forward and past the trauma. 

AND there is ONLY 1 single character in the whole series sees eye to eye with Aziraphale (quite literally). Only 1 character who treats him as an equal on the same level. 1 person who recognizes Aziraphale as a force to be reckoned with in his own right, and someone who is so worthy of love and trust without question. 

Crowley. 

It is only when he is fully vulnerable to Crowley, that he can stop repressing his doubts and, as it were, put all of his cards on the table. Once Heaven shows its hand, it is painfully obvious that no one ever intended to help or support Aziraphale’s efforts to save humanity. Once he commits to Crowley he can no longer repress his doubts or ignore the reality of the abusive situation he’d been living through. He is forced to reconcile the idea that he is loved as he is with Crowley, whereas in heaven, he is simply a disposable soldier to them, not an equal who deserves to be heard and whose concerns should be considered.

However, despite the trauma and abuse, and more incredibly, despite his repression, he is able to cope with some of his issues throughout time with his relationship with Crowley. He is able to work through his concerns about Noah and Jesus with Crowley by his side, listening and validating his experience and concern as something to be taken seriously like no one else had ever done before. Together, they treat each other with mutual respect, and more than losing his status as an Angel, Aziraphale is terrified shitless at the idea of losing Crowley.  The aforementioned break-up scenes are catalysts that force Aziraphale to make a choice and resist the intimidation and trauma caused by Heaven. And, once he commits to Crowley, there’s no going back, because, for the first time in over 6,000 years, he has a support system ready and able to help him cope with his issues. 

And so, Aziraphale begins his road to recovery thanks to the help of his loving and supportive relationship with Crowley which I will do a deep dive of soon. 

Sooooooooo this section went on wayyyyyy longer than intended. Look out for a Crowley-centric version tomorrow and a few more than 4 installments of this meta over the next week.  #sorry.

TLDR: Aziraphale’s abuse doesn’t allow him to cope with the fact his bosses and his instincts are telling him to do 2 very different things. He manages to cope but only by using denial and repression. It is only when he finally puts down his defenses and being honest with himself that he is not in a good place in Heaven, but he is in a good place with Crowley, that he can start working toward recovery.

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

[duhragonball]

[FIC] Luffa: The Legendary Super Saiyan (134/?)

Disclaimer: This story features characters and concepts based on Dragon Ball, which is a trademark of Bird Studio/Shueisha and Toei Animation.   This is an unauthorized work, and no profit is being made on this work by me. This story is copyright of me. Download if you like, but please don’t archive it without my permission. Don’t be shy.

Continuity Note: About 1000 years before the events of Dragon Ball Z.

[14 November, 233 Before Age. Interstellar Space.]

King Rehval would die, very soon. As Luffa led her fleet of warships to his new home, there were a multitude other thoughts running through her mind, but she made sure to focus on her sole objective. Rehval. Must. Die.

Her grudge against him went back to the beginning. Her mother was an anti-monarchist who left the Saiyan Kingdom before Luffa was born. Eventually, Luffa's mother entered into a mercenary partnership with Orij, Luffa's father, and the young family roamed the stars in search of adventure. When Luffa was ten years old, Orij betrayed her mother. He was jealous of his wife's power, and planned to exploit her, until he realized that their daughter had inherited the same potential.

Orij's plan went into effect when Luffa was nineteen. By then, Luffa had taken a mate of her own, Kandai, and Orij conspired with him to betray Luffa to the alien Tikosi. Their ghastly experiments would seek to reverse-engineer the secrets of Luffa's hidden power, and then they would share their findings with Orij. When the Tikosi learned Luffa was pregnant with Kandai's child, they simply removed the fetus, as it impeded their research.

The horrors Luffa experienced during that awful nineteenth year pushed her body through a harrowing transformation. Eventually, Luffa would recognize herself as the Legendary Super Saiyan, a once-in-a-millennium warrior. At the time, she thought she had become a monster, too horrible for even herself to contemplate. The power was satisfying while she took bloody revenge against her tormentors, but it never really went away. Even when she transformed back into her "normal" self, it was still there, that ever-present thing lurking just beneath her skin, eager to shine its terrible light on the universe once again.

Super Luffa was great for slaughtering Tikosi, and for making easy money in the mercenary business, but the power wasn't very helpful for tracking down her treacherous husband, who had gone into hiding when he learned that she had survived. One of the main reasons Luffa founded the interstellar Federation was to expand her contacts through the galaxy. The Federation's member worlds were happy to have her on their side; in return, their spies gave Kandai fewer places to hide. But when she finally caught up to him, he revealed that when the Tikosi removed their unborn child from her body, they had given it over to him. He had sold the remains to King Rehval, who apparently had his own interests in the Tikosi's research.

And Super Luffa wasn't much use in unraveling that mystery either. It only made sense that the King of the Saiyans would see her as a threat to his rule. It also made sense that he might hope to find some weakness by studying Luffa's offspring. What Luffa hadn't expected was the sheer depth of Rehval's treachery. She had never respected the man. Any Saiyan who called himself "king" was a fool in her book, but even setting that aside, he was a statesman, desperate to turn their people into some nation-state with a place among the galactic powers. He wanted the Saiyans to assimilate with the rest of the universe: lop off their tails, dress in alien finery, and pass themselves off as well-behaved citizens of a wider community. The thought of it sickened Luffa, but it was even worse than that. Rehval was an alchemist too. Instead of testing his might in combat, he relied on magical drugs and secret potions to enhance his power. "Rehval" wasn't even his real name. He simply assumed the identity of his older brother, then usurped his father's throne when it suited his purposes.

Rather than face Luffa directly, Rehval tried to seduce and deceive her, leading her into a trap that would strand her on an uninhabitable planet. To keep her occupied until the trap was sprung, Rehval revealed that the fetus he had purchased from Kandai had survived. Rehval was a proponent of gestating Saiyan infants in life support machines, and somehow he had managed to bring her son to term. He then aged the boy to adolescence, and trained him to be his staunchest defender and Luffa's sworn enemy. But the gravest insult, in Luffa's eyes, was that he dared to give the boy a name-- "Xibuyas". It was sacrilige. By Saiyan custom, the right to name a child belonged to the mother alone.

But what did King Rehval care for Saiyan custom? To him, it was just another tool, to be manipulated or discarded when it no longer served his purposes. Xibuyas was uncommonly strong, though Luffa had no way to tell if he had inherited her Super Saiyan strength, or if he was given alchemical enhancements to make him a better enforcer. Rehval wasn't satisfied with merely ruling over the Saiyans, he wanted to control their destiny, their culture, even their very genome. He envisioned a world where Saiyans would be bred like livestock, mated to produce hardier offspring, and her son was simply the stud he had chosen to sire his grandchildren. The very thought of it made her blood boil.

She had escaped his trap, and so he evacuated his throneworld of Saiya, fearing (rightfully) that she would return and destroy everything he had built. Luffa expected to find him cowering in some remote hideaway, but instead he launched a new plan, the Jindan Cult. Assuming the name of Trismegistus now, Rehval recruited Saiyans from all over the galaxy, promising them a potion that would magnify their powers. All he asked in return was absolute control over every aspect of their lives. Really, it wasn't all that different from the plans he had as the ruler of Planet Saiya, only now he wasn't bothering with diplomatic niceties or expensive suits.

The only thing standing in his way was still Luffa, so he launched a series of invasions into her Federation, designed to exploit her compassion for its people and to wear her down. It might have worked, too, except she had help from the fortuneteller Dotz, who predicted his strikes before they took place, and from Rehval's own daughter, the Princess Seltiss. Disillusioned with her father's misrule, the young Princess formed her own Saiyan alliance to serve as an alternative to Rehval's government. Luffa didn't trust her, but they had a common enemy, and Xibuyas was loyal to Seltiss, so at least they had the power they needed to fend off the attacks.

Just when it seemed that there would be no end to the war, Guwar arrived at her doorstep, offering to lead her to Rehval's new base on Nagaoka. A Saiyan mathematician, Guwar had joined his cult, only to realize that Rehval's "leadership" would only get them all killed, or at best, reduce them to a slave species. His defection only proved that Rehval was truly mad, and that his plans were rotten enough that even his own henchmen couldn't accept them.

And so, very soon, Luffa would destroy him, utterly and finally, for the defense of the Federation, for the freedom of her own species, and for herself.

"Five minutes before we drop out of superluminous," she said from the captain's chair of her yacht's bridge. "No one's reported any unusual sensor activity. What about you, Katem?"

"Nothing," Xibuyas said, visibly irritated by the name she used to address him. Luffa would have preferred to have him aboard her own ship, if only to keep a closer eye on the boy, but the Saiyan Free Company had its own fleet, and her attack plan would require him to take up position on the opposite side of the planet. Spending time with her son would have to wait for another day. For now, she would have to settle for the image of his face on the viewscreen.

"Rehval raised you, boy," she said. "Any idea what this means? Guwar told us there wouldn't be much in the way of advance defenses, but I thought we'd see more than this."

"Rehval's servants raised me," he said with a sneer. "And he expects secrecy to be his greatest defense. He believes that no one knows where to find him, so he probably has no idea that we're on our way to kill him."

"Or he's got some escape route set up on the planet," Luffa said. "All right, we'll stick to the original plan. Group A takes the northern hemisphere, Group B takes the south, Group C covers our backs. Carpet bomb the whole thing, and we'll see what they can do about it."

"Pointless," Xibuyas grumbled. "Destroy the entire planet, and they all die in one stroke. I could do it easily, and so could you."

"Too easy," Luffa said. "He'll be prepared for that. I want to see what his preparations are. Let him think he's dealing with a conventional attack before we reveal our true strength."

"If you're so afraid that he'll flee--"

"He seems to be convinced that this planet he's on holds some sort of special power for him," Luffa explained. "If that's true, then he won't give it up without a fight. I want to lure him into thinking he has a chance. We might even be able to get a siege going."

He sighed and sank into his chair. "Fine, have it your way," he said. "There's no arguing with you. We'll send word once Group B is in position."

He signed off, and Luffa made a bloodthirsty smile as she switched the viewscreen to display the Nagaoka system, which was rapidly coming into view. Her son hated her, but he was alive, and soon she would repay the bastard who tried to take him from her. Her wife, Zatte, was in the engine room, making last-minute preparations for the battle. Zatte had elaborate dreams that this battle would mark the beginning of a new era for Saiyan-kind, and maybe she was right, though Luffa never cared for the idea of herself as a Saiyan messiah. It didn't matter. For once in her life, everything was going perfectly.

She gripped the armrests of her seat and leaned forward in anticipation.

*******

[14 November, 233 Before Age. Nagaoka.]

Planet Nagaoka was devoid of intelligent life, save for the Jindan compound, a mostly subterranean facility. Aside from the shipyard and a few other surrounding structures, the planet would have seemed deserted. A thick cloud cover concealed the surface completely, but Guwar had provided the coordinates of the compound. As Zatte escorted him to the bridge, he saw part of the planet on the viewscreen, and he knew the compound lay directly below.

"I thought you'd want to see this," Luffa said as the doorway closed behind him. She never took her eyes off the planet. "They're about to strafe the surface."

"You're just going to blow it up from orbit?" he asked.

"For starters," Luffa said. "If anything survives, we'll go from there. Something wrong with that?"

"I just... I thought you were going to send in ground troops on the far side," he said. "Advance on the compound from the surface, and fight them all hand-to-hand."

Luffa looked at him curiously. "I've had my fill of fighting with these clowns," she said. "There's enough of them down there that even I would have trouble, and I'm not going to send troops down there to die for no reason. If you wanted suicide missions, maybe you shouldn't have switched sides. Rehval would have sent you to your death soon enough."

"I... I had friends down there," he said. "Rehval's the only one you're after, right?"

Luffa turned and spit on the deck. At last, Guwar had her full attention, and he instantly regretted it. He had seen her transform in front of him earlier, when he was first brought aboard her ship. That had been frightening enough, watching black Saiyan hair glowing like molten iron. But she was in her normal form now, or at least as normal as she ever could be, and as she glared at him, he felt that the grim look in her eyes would haunt him for the rest of his life.

"Now you listen to me," she said. "I don't give a damn about your 'friends'. The moment they joined forces with that bastard, their fates were sealed. Don't pretend you thought this was going to turn out any other way."

Guwar's throat went dry. "You're right," he said. "Just get it over with."

Luffa returned to her work, as if he hadn't spoken at all. He looked over to Zatte, the blue-skinned woman who seemed to serve as Luffa's entire crew for this ship. It was ironic to look to an alien for empathy, but he had hoped that she, at least, might appreciate his mixed emotions about this moment. If nothing else, he expected her to be somewhat horrified at the idea of bombing an entire planet to wipe out a single installation. But instead, Zatte had a curious sort of glow in her expression, not unlike the warriors in the Jindan Cult just before they were sent off to their deaths. Guwar had no idea what sort of hold Luffa had on Zatte, but she was fully committed to this action, come what may.

Luffa pressed a button on the console mounted near her left arm. "All ships, fire at will," she said.

A moment later, they did. Gawar watched as hundreds of orange streaks emerged from the edges of the viewscreen and converged on the planet below. It looked like most of the fire was concentrated in a single spot, which he assumed was the compound. But that was only part of it. There energy blasts raining down across every part of the planet that he could see. He could only guess that there were ships positioned on the opposite side covering that hemisphere too.

"There's... there's only the one complex," he said looking back at Luffa. "You're just wasting ammunition, shooting at nothing."

"And you really think I would trust you that far?" Luffa said with a snort. "Even if you have been honest with me, Rehval could still have other bases set up that he never told you about. It all burns. Today. And don't worry your pretty little head about our ammunition, Guwar. I made sure we brought plenty."

Guwar swallowed hard and turned back to face the viewscreen. He could sense the ki energy from the planet dropping as the bombardment continued. Were the cultists unable to fight back? Had Luffa taken them completely by surprise? Or was this Rehval's endgame all along? Maybe he knew all along that it would end this way, and he had led his flock to their doom. For a moment, he wondered if Rehval had been waiting for Guwar to betray him, if perhaps he had wanted Luffa to come to this place and rain fire upon him.

And then he noticed that the ki from the planet wasn't dropping anymore, and that the planet itself didn't look any different than it had before the attack began. Glancing back at the captain's chair, he saw that Luffa had noticed too.

"Scan the planet," Luffa said to Zatte. "Something's wrong down there."

"Life sign readings haven't changed since we started attacking," Zatte said.

"I told you about that," Guwar said. "They have a device to scramble sensors so you can't tell there's any humanoid biopatterns. That way if a ship drops by, they'll think Nagaoka's uninhabited and move on."

"Yeah, I know," Zatte said. "I'm not scanning for humanoids. I'm talking about trees, grass, everything. Nothing's dying down there. It's like we haven't put a dent in it..."

"You didn't say anything about a force field," Luffa said to Guwar. The look on her face was one of accusation, but not surprise.

"As far as I know, they didn't have one," Guwar protested.

"They don't have one," Zatte said. "I don't know what's going on here, but it can't be a force field generator. To cover the entire planet, you'd need an enormous power source, way too big to hide with a cloaking device. I should be able to detect a power signature for something that big, and there's nothing like that on the surface! I don't know what this is... I...!"

She continued tapping keys on the tactical console, and Luffa rose from her seat. "I'm going to the cargo bay," she said. "Get ready to open the bay door for me."

"You're going to attack them yourself?" Zatte asked. "But what if--?"

"Hail the rest of the fleet," Luffa said. "If I'm right, I can punch a hole in... whatever this is... then maybe we can land some ships, play it the way Guwar had in mind. You'd like that, wouldn't you, Guwar?"

He didn't answer, as he really didn't know what to say. Luffa grabbed him by the arm and dragged him to the lift.

"Come on," she said, "you can watch."

*******

The cargo hold was mostly empty. Luffa and Zatte had moved most of the supplies to other parts of the ship, leaving only a small, one-person craft.

"Like it?" Luffa asked. She patted the hull of the craft with her gloved hand as they crossed the bay. "My wife captured it from some felinoid raider who tried to impersonate a Saiyan. He thought he could bluff his way to an easy plunder--" She pointed at the bridge of her nose and bared her teeth-- "but all he got was a plasma bolt between his eyes. She's a crack shot."

"Y-your wife?" Guwar asked. "You mean that blue lady on the bridge--?"

"Felinoid!" Luffa growled, ignoring his question. The brown fur on her tail was standing on end, and Guwar suddenly became very aware of his own tail being missing.

"I see that crap all the time, you know? People mistake any humanoid with a tail for one of us," she said. "So weaklings and cowards try to use that to their advantage. Trade on our reputation as a fearsome warrior race. Except we're not so fearsome, are we, Guwar?"

She went to a cabinet mounted to the wall and removed a pair of masks. "Put this on," she said as she shoved one into his hands. He strapped it to his face, letting the flexible hose attached to it dangle from his chin.

"The Saiyans are afraid," she said. "My mother was afraid of the kings, and my father was afraid of my mother, and I was afraid of my father for a while. You and your cult buddies were afraid of me, so what did you do? Run to the biggest coward you could find and beg him for some snake oil. And now he's hiding under his rock, and they're all hiding with him. Makes you wonder what they're so afraid of."

She pulled out a gas cylinder and handed it to him, then found a second and started connecting it to her own mask. As she worked on the fittings, she transformed, suddenly illuminating the bay with a preternatural golden glow. Startled, Guwar took a step back, but Luffa barely reacted at all, as if she hadn't even noticed what she had done.

"I think we're afraid of ourselves," Luffa said. "I know I am. I turned into this thing for the first time and it scared the hell out of me. It still does sometimes. But all I am is stronger. Angrier. More eager for battle. I'm just like you Guwar, only more. Why'd you cut your tail off? Was it because he told you to? So you could fit in better with polite society? Or was it because you were afraid of what the tail means? Of who you really are. Inside?"

She paused her work long enough to tap her fist against her chest, and gave him a knowing look. "Felinoids try to impersonate us Saiyans, and meanwhile we Saiyans are doing our best to disguise ourselves as anything else. We're ashamed of ourselves for being ashamed of ourselves. That's how I see it. I started hanging out with aliens, and I started to notice how crummy Saiyans can really be to people. I never gave it much thought before, but we're all pretty rotten, aren't we?"

"What are you talking about?" Guwar mumbled, but not loud enough to be heard over the steady pulse of Luffa's golden aura.

She pointed at her gleaming yellow hair. "So does this mean I've risen above all that rotten stuff?" she asked. "Or does it make me the worst of us all?"

She didn't wait for him to reply. Instead, she put the mask over her face and tapped the communicator on the nearest wall panel to call the bridge. "We're ready down here," she said, her voice muffled by the mask. After she shut off the channel, she looked back at Guwar and shrugged.

"I can't talk to my wife about this sort of thing, you know. She thinks I can save the Saiyans, but me? I think I'm just part of the problem."

Guwar could hear her voice even more clearly now than he could before they put the masks on. Then he finally realized she was speaking to him telepathically. Most Saiyans had the ability to communicate this way, but they rarely used it. They couldn't read minds-- only Luffa seemed to know how to do that, and only then by making physical contact-- but they could talk to other people with their thoughts. So why didn't Saiyans use that ability more often? Was it fear? Was Luffa right about them? Maybe every Saiyan could read minds like she could, and no one else had the courage to try.

As he pondered this, the cargo bay door opened, revealing the grey clouds of Nagaoka below. Guwar was suddenly reminded of Salziff, the Saiyan who had led him to the Jindan Cult. Salziff had been kicked out of the order, and his Jindan power had been withdrawn, leaving him weaker than he had been before he joined. In his desperate attempt to regain what he had lost, Salziff had turned to performance enhancing drugs, and ravaged what was left of his health. He begged Guwar not to search for Jindan, and said that Guwar would rue the day Salziff told him how to find it. The gloom over Nagaoka looked very much like the pallid complexion of Salziff's face. Guwar wondered if the poor wretch was still alive. Guwar wondered about his own life expectancy, now that the Jindan power had been withdrawn from him as well.

There was an invisible force field that kept the air inside the bay while the door was open. It flickered beautifully for a moment as it deactivated, and Guwar felt the air rushing out into space. Weakened as he was, he still had more than enough strength to keep his footing, but he still grabbed hold of a handrail to be safe. The temperature dropped rapidly inside the bay, but his ki was strong enough to protect him from the cold as well. The great irony of his life was that he was considered a weakling by the standards of his own species, and yet he had so much power compared to most beings in the universe. He felt completely helpless as he watched Luffa stand at the edge of the bay, raising her hands to attack an entire planet.

He could hear her screaming, in spite of the wind, the sound of her aura, even the muffling effect of her mask. Her hands glowed so brightly that it hurt to look at them, so he focused on the air tank she had slung over her shoulder. For a brief moment, he wondered if he could burst the tank and knock her out of the ship quickly enough for her to asphyxiate, but decided that this would be suicidal to attempt. Even if it worked, he would still have to contend with her wife on the bridge, and her fleet around the planet, and the cult on the planet itself. Guwar didn't know about other Saiyans, but Luffa was right about him. He was afraid, because it seemed like no matter what he did, what side he chose, he would always be under someone else's power. At least Luffa's side could save the universe from Rehval's madness, but that wouldn't improve Guwar's prospects much.

At last, she brought her hands together and launched a spectacular beam of golden energy from her hands. Guwar watched it shoot down to the planet like some impossibly straight bolt of lightning. He had never sensed such an amazing power before. It was beyond anything he had ever imagined. It was enough to destroy a dozen planets. And then, when the beam of irresistable light reached the dismal clouds of Nagaoka...

...it dispersed. The energy spread across the clouds and vanished, like so much milk spilling onto a napkin. The clouds parted, revealing a tiny section of Nagaoka's surface, but there was no explosion, no damage. Soon enough, the clouds drifted back together, and the surface was hidden once again.

Luffa stared out of the bay in disbelief, and then after a few seconds, Guwar noticed a yellow glow on the edge of Nagaoka's disk. A second later, he could sense it, too.

"What... what's happening?" he asked. He hoped that this was somehow part of her technique, but the way she moved her tail told him that she was just as confused as he was.

Finally, beams of yellow light started shooting out from the clouds from every direction. It seemed to Guwar that the planet had somehow absorbed her attack, divided it, and fired it back out into space. For a moment, he worried that this was a counterattack from the cult, except the beams didn't seem to be aimed anywhere in particular. He reached out with his ki senses and quickly determined that most of the fleet was nowhere near the paths of these beams. Even so, he did sense a few power levels that winked out of existence as the deadly energy connected with their ships.

Angrily, Luffa stormed to the bay door controls and restored the force field. Air rushed in to repressurize the hold, and she moved on to the wall panel to call the bridge. "What's going on?" she shouted over the thrum of the ventilation system.

"Six ships are reporting heavy damage!" Zatte's voice called back. "One completely destroyed! I... Luffa, that was your energy it shot back at us!"

"I know that!" Luffa snapped. "How does a force field reflect that kind of power?!"

"I told you, it's not a force field!" Zatte said. "It's too big for that, and too... It's more like when I... oh no. Oh, Providence, no."

"What's wrong?" Luffa asked. For every second that passed without a reply, she grew more agitated. Finally, she dug her fingers into the wall and ripped the comm panel out entirely.

"We're going back to the bridge!" she shouted as she tossed the torn panel to the deck. But Guwar didn't move. He was too busy looking at the planet.

"Well? What are you gawking at?" Luffa demanded as she shrugged off her air canister and mask.

"I think you need to see this," Guwar said ominously. A mathematician by trade, he preferred not to give such vague answers, but in this case, he simply couldn't find the words.

"See what?!" Luffa said impatiently as she shrugged off her mask and air cylinder. And then she finally turned to face the bay door, and saw it immediately. The clouds on Nagaoka had shifted, swirling into an unnatural pattern. They were still moving, but it was clear that they were forming an image of a face, and even before that image had come into focus, there was no mistaking whose face it was.

"Hello, Luffa," said the voice of King Rehval.

He was speaking into their minds, just as Luffa had done before. What made it even stranger, Guwar thought, was that the lips on the cloud-image moved as though it were speaking the words.

"I'm so glad that you've finally arrived," the cloud-Rehval seemed to say. "Now, at last, we can put all of this to an end."

NEXT: The Thrice Blessed Who Will Transform the Universe.

[viktormaru]

a super post on some kakashi and sakumo meta

Alright lets do this

BOOKS?? idk is there any connection how lil Sass and Strict Kakashi somehow ends up to porn?? did he accidentally read the word 'boob' in one of Sakumos books and was forever tainted.

According to Naruto Online, Kakashi starts reading Jiraiya’s books at age 18. So what I think happened is well ... puberty. Kakashi shows a bit of an interesting in reading early on so we can assume he was already into books. But then I imagine that like... he hit puberty at around 14 but things were still a mess back then, seeing minato dies then and so on so Kakashi never had a chance to process those things properly. But then time passes, he’s ANBU and he needs to do something whenever he’s stuck on the village be it to recover or simply because he has no missions. He’s gotta isolate himself and Gai keeps giving him frowny looks at the depressing books he has so he goes to the bookstore to get a new one and its like... he bumps into some sales and oh.. its Jiraiya’s book... Kakashi knows Jiraiya. And he opens the thing and goes red. Glances around and its like, his whole new set of hormones make themselves very known and Kakashi buys the thing and reads it alone and is super embarrassed but LOVES it. Its so different from everything else his read he cannot stop reading it. Travel fowards a little and Kakashi notices he can use it to troll other people so he starts reading it in public.

Do you think Sakumo brought Kakashi along on missions a lot? Lower ranked missions, as bonding and training? And and, because the leaf village doesn't vet these things, one of those D/C missions actually turns out much more dangerous than intended and Sakumo has to teach Kakashi how to kill much earlier than he intended to, which is partially why Kakashi is desensitized to violence until the one dead is his dad

Yes! I think at first Sakumo would bring Kakashi along because he didn’t trust anyone with the baby (and he was paranoid the kid would die if he got too far away ever since his wife died) so kakashi is a mandatory company for any missions within the village. It becomes a habit and when Kakashi’s curious eyes just swept over anything Sakumo did , he found it cute. And then Kakashi started to try to copy what Sakumo did and proved that maybe he could do those things as well. So sakumo takes him along as a learning experience and just a way to spend time with him (sakumo is not good at Dad-ing in his own opinion but he’d good at ninja-ing, so if he can teach kakashi how to ninja, he will). And yes, I can see missions going south and Sakumo having to teach Kakashi about life and death, about in the shinobi world sometimes its you or them, and Kakashi having to process it the best way he can. Kakashi knows early on that poorly trained shinobi are dead shinobi.

Opinions on animals that are not dogs?? Are they okay with cats or do they Dislike because of the cat v dog natural fight

They are probably ok with other animals, including cats. Dogs are just their favorites. Also, Kakashi might be a dog lover but he’s sure cat-like often! Gotta stick with the pack though, dogs number 1.

What was Sakumo's relationship with the ninken?

With his own or Kakashi’s? I love the idea that Sakumo had a pack of wolves that he called The Ladies (read that on a fic but can’t remember it now). Just a bunch of amazing wolves that Sakumo respects a lot (hes the babiest of them all, they call him soft). If you mean Kakashi’s... idk if like... 5 years old is an age in which summoning is possible but I think Sakumo would love them as his own children as well (in a way).

What did Kakashi tell his dad in the afterlife?

Tales of team minato at first! Sakumo would have loved clumsy obito, kind rin and the lovely Minato. He tries to tell him happy stories. He goes over the sad stories and the losses and he tells him about Gai, about how sakumo had been right and how Gai really has made a difference. He tells about team 7 and their potential. He talks about himself and about how much he’s changed from the little girl he used to be and he hopes he could be something his father could be proud of. 

Did Sakumo attend PTA meetings

*googles PTA*

AH

Well, he had to when they decided to boost Kakashi through the ranks. Sakumo was shitting his pants in fear thinking something might have happened to Kakashi or some trouble was stirred with the kids but then they were just like “yea hes too good to be in this class” and gave praises about his childs performance and sakumo was just like “..... ok....”

Do you think Kakashi hated his dad for a while after his suicide? Or do you think he hated the village?

I think he hated his father, or tried really hard to. It’s really complex. Kakashi seems to still love his father despite everything but... hating the village is something that is just.. its not possible. Its not allowed. Kakashi was bred to fight and die for the village first and foremost and what that means is that if the village turned against him then its cause he must redeem himself. And if his father died under the pressure, then its cause his father couldnt give the village what he should have given. The village abandoned him cause he deserved it, sakumo abandoned him cause he chose to. 

Kakashi understands the reason his father did what he did, but falls into denial because the opposite would turn against the village. And now that he was alone, how the hell could that even be possible? If he becomes a better ninja he will prove himself to everyone. If sakumo had been a better ninja he wouldnt have been scorned so much. Simple logic. 

Its easier then thinking about the morals of one actions and the whole deal of humanity versus being a weapon of the village. 

What happened to Sakumo's ponytail

Kakashi cut it

Did Sakumo read Jiraiya's books

I dont think sakumo was alive by the time jiraiya published his first book! I think Jiraiya had a few drafts before though, just random stuff he’d scribble. Sakumo liked the cheesy romance shorts (they were bad).

In SD, there's a joke that Sakumo is the inventor of the One Thousand Years of Death. Thoughts?

i LOVE IT. Sakumo impressing Kakashi with a super secret dangerous forbidden technique and Kakashi is like oh?!?!!! And he tries to get Jiraiya with it.

Relationship between Sakumo and Minato?

Ah! Theres one fic out there that i really like that shows how i picture their relationship to be like. Minato at first being a nervous puppy around this Man of Legends Sakumo, and said man  being completely unaware of his status and just being like “oh wow what a nice boy”

 this fic btw: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12854022

Relationship between Sakumo and the three sannin?

Jiraiya likes Sakumo because Sakumo is very easy to be dragged to places and he can talk nonstop to him and Sakumo is usually too nice to call him an idiot. Sakumo hangs out with Jiraiya cause he fills the silence for the both of them and makes him leave his home and try to have fun some times (sakumo is a workaholic unfortunetely)

Tsunade thought he was a coward at first but its also very easy to make him pay for your tab so she keeps him around. She learns eventually that he!s smart and a good person and a good listener! So they become friends and they can gossip about jiraiya too. Sakumo was definitely terrified if tsunade at first but shes too fucking cool and smart. Hes always scared into hanging out with her but ends up enjoying himself around her.

Orochimaru finds him too bland. Sakumo is boring and soft and he fights like a legend but says sorry too much. They only hang out because of their shared friend circle. Sakumo is too busy being socially inept to know what to do around Orochimaru. Its painfully awkward, he feels bad.

Has Sakumo beaten up Hiruzen?

Oh hell yeah! They totally must have sparred at some point and DAMN Sakumo’s a beast when hes fighting. Hits like a fucking truck. Destroy that old man.

Is Kakashi gay

Yes

What do you think if kakashi wanted to be a medical and how will that affected the storyline

Oh! Ive read a fanfiction on this! Its pretty good and I think its about how things would have happened if Kakashi was a medinin.

https://archiveofourown.org/series/1273706

[themaskedwriter]

Fairytale Symbiosis (with a side of world domination, of course)

Platonic! Eddie Brock x reader, martial arts! Reader (who, for story purposes is short and a teenager.)

Warnings: swearing, body horror (a bit, pretty mild), symbiotes, martial arts, imprisonment, carnivores, inappropriate humor, basically anything from the movie Venom will apply here. VENOM SPOILERS

Synopsis: Y/N has always hated the entitled, world-destroying, no-soul types- and Carlton Drake fits that description perfectly. Naturally she sneaks into his lab intending to do some damage, but gets much more than she bargained for. This isn’t a war she can sit out of, not when world domination is at stake, so helping Eddie and Venom is the natural choice…for her. Her symbiote, however, may have other ideas.

CLUE: If adorable symbiote fluff isn’t what you’re looking for, I dabble in plenty of other fandoms- my blog is a pretty creative mix of many things, including my animals- one of which is referenced quite often in this little fic (little, by my standards, that is.)

word count: 2607. will probably be continued on my account, once revealed.

–

A Host. It needs a host- badly.

The containment tank walls are as bare as usual as it paces back and forth, sliding along the substance, slamming against it every few seconds. It’s hard to breathe in there: hard without a host.

Homeless, the Drake man calls them- the hosts he brings as offerings. Their fear when it takes over is palpable. The emotion leaves a taste in its mouth that drives it to the brink, but just as it thinks it will be satisfied, the body dies. The host dies. None of them have the fight in them that it requires.

“Open it.” Carlton orders as the newest prospect finally looks at it.

It slides out, creeping toward the human, the pheromones in the air enticing, empowering, delicious-

The back door to the lab slams open, admitting four security guards holding a girl between them.

It doesn’t look, just slips up the smooth cloth of the man’s pants. Beneath it, the human quivers in fear. It wishes it could drool…soon, soon, but the fear- the fear is so palatable, so tangible…

A shout. It pauses, looks.

The girl moves so fast the other humans have no chance, but to its trained eyes…

Jiu-jitsu, itthinks, karate, muy-thai, as the girl wraps her legs around the neck of one security guard, using her body to flip him onto the floor. Blood spurts as his head slams into the ground, but she’s unaffected, already moving. The second security guards’ arm breaks under her touch before the third shoots a taser into her back. Can’t be more than a youth, itthinks, noting the height and weight differences between her and the others. Not ideal…but that attitude, that skill…useful.

It absorbs into the host offered to him as the girl drops to her knees, fighting through the electricity to rip the taser cords from her back. Flesh is ripped as well, but she screams and throws a punch.

“Why did you bring her here?” Carlton Drake demands, watching the girl as she tries to get up on legs that waver. She glares daggers at him, spitting blood. He does not bother to flinch, doesn’t even smile when she’s physically restrained by the guards- who are more careful this time.

“We found her sneaking through the containment area, sir.” One says. He gives the girl a solid shake.

“I’m lost,” she growls, spitting blood once more. “Dunno how I got here. Dunno where here is.”

It can smell her lie. She knows exactly where she is.

“Kill her.” Drake commands, turning back to his experiment- to them.

“I want her.” Chaos snarls, its body and the humans’ flickering back and forth. Even as the body fails, even as it drops to the floor and the klyntar steps out of the crumpled skin, it watches her.

She hides her fear well.

Drake jerks his head and it’s done- she is dragged, incapacitated, into what it’s come to consider its cell, then thrown to her knees before it.

Chaos pulls itself up before her as the door closes, watching her body shake. She stares defiantly back at it, her fists clenched.

For a second, girl and symbiote watch each other. Drake, on the other side of the glass-like material, seems perplexed. Chaos, however, almost can’t do it.

As much as it’s always been the perfect soldier, even it has limits- and it can’t help but to think this girl is too pure for it, too innocent, too young. After all, where it comes from, the young are prized above all. it doesn’t want to take her if she doesn’t want to be taken. Her fear is unlike anything it’s ever smelled; it’s tinged with anger and resilience.

But it can’t wait any longer, it’s already gone too long without a functioning host, not some drugged-up addict whose body was bordering on death even without the klyntar.

Chaos, the largest and most deadly of the symbiotes, touches the girls’ hand gently at first, sliding from her fingers to her palm, up her wrist and forearm, to her bicep. She quivers, breathing hard and fast, but she does not scream. I do not want to hurt you, it whispers against her mind; she jerks at first, eyes widening in surprise. it can sense her thoughts going a million miles a second- she knows there is no fighting, but she has not given up. She’s already thinking of revenge. I do not want to do this without…how do you say? Permission.

Her quivering stops. Confusion replaces fear as it gives her a vision of what they can achieve together- it can already sense that she’s a perfect match- perfect as if born to it.

“No one has even asked before.” She murmurs, eyes darting up to Drake, who watches with fascination as Chaos curls around her arm. She takes a deep breath, lets it out through her teeth. Her gaze remains locked on Drake as she consents- then as Chaos slips into her body like a glove.

She screams in rage, its voice echoing hers as they fuse, symbiote and host, one.

“Chaos,” it growls through her mouth. “I am Chaos.”

Drake’s eyes light up like a child on Christmas morning, watching as Chaos envelops its new host, its perfect host. Her body, small but wrapped and corded in muscle, disappears under it as it takes over, protecting and defending her.

What now? She asks it.

Now we bond. Itreplies to her and her only, receding into her chest. Now we plan.

–

HUNGRY. it snarls, angry at everything. Caged…caged like a beast. Caged like a dog. Not a dog. NOT A DOG.

“Chaos,” you murmur, eyes closed as you meditate, “not helping.” Then, to the space between your minds, I’ve been caged too, remember? We will get out. We will get out of here and leave this place behind us, forever.

It goes eerily quiet.

What aren’t you telling me? It’s been three days, three long days since you were thrown into the cell, since scientists have started poking and prodding at you, watching you around the clock, monitoring your vitals. You feel like a lab rat and being so damn close to Carlton Drake isn’t helping; you’re within strangling range if you could just get out of there.

We will eat him first. Chaos says, dodging your question. You sigh. It’s always the same with it.

What happened to no secrets? You ask the klyntar -whose species had been revealed to you during a long, boring night- as it wraps around you, manifesting in coils like a snake.

This, itreplies, a hint of sadness to its gravelly voice, this I cannot tell you.

Outside of your cell, there’s movement. Drake.

Riot. Chaos growls, perking up.

“Let them out.” Drake commands. His words as their law, the scientist standing beside him does as asked and opens the door. You stand, Chaos guiding your movements as you stand before him. Your fingers twitch to be around his throat, the backstabbing, murdering, all around awful person- but Chaos recognizes the one it’s been trained to follow all of its life and so it holds you back.

Drake’s smirk makes Chaos’ control falter. “Hungry?” he asks, gesturing to the homeless man down the hall, oblivious to the conversation.

Chaos smiles, but you don’t. we can’t eat him, he’s innocent.

He’s food.

You thought I was food when you first saw me. Now we’re besties.

Silence. Then, we must do as Riot commands.

So you take orders from it without question? I thought you weren’t a dog.

It snarls, puffing up at your comment. I was born and bred to obey him.

You are your own being. No one can control you.

A pause. Isn’t that what you are trying to do, little human?

I am trying to help you. It’s not exactly easy.

It scans your mind, finding images of the unfortunate, the kids made homeless because of their sexuality, their gender identity, because of circumstances out of their control. It sees your own struggles, the perseverance. For a second, it thinks of how easily you accepted its pronouns, the tiny nuance to the English language it had deemed very important, thinks of your banter, your acceptance of another species in your body. It sees your drive, and something in the symbiote is moved by it.

You’re making me soft. Itmurmurs to you.

I’m giving you a conscience.

We must do whatever it takes to get out of here.

…fine. But I don’t have to like it.

It walks your body over to the homeless man, lets the human underestimate you. Lets him think you’re not a threat. Then it takes over, swiftly killing the human before it can feel any pain.

Compromise, it thinks, knowing Riot will never be able to tell the difference and wondering when exactly it became your protector instead of its leaders’. An ideal shift of that magnitude couldn’t’ve happened without notice, surely, except it did. And it cannot be bothered to care.

– Your chance comes quite quickly; with both Riot and Drake believing that Chaos is in control of you instead of just inhabiting your body, you are given all of the freedoms that the symbiote had on its home planet- and while you know you won’t have a chance at killing Drake, Chaos assures you that Venom (who recently escaped, hence the added security in the form of you,) would do quite nicely as a distraction. With its display of blatant disregard, Chaos was beginning to wonder if Riot’s concerns were, in the end, based in truth. Were the humans truly a dangerous species, despite all of the klyntar blustering? It curls inside your chest, a seething biomass, slowly learning your internal functions the same way it learned from the other hosts- the ones whose bodies attacked it at first contact- and it thinks that maybe, just maybe, humans may be worth saving.

Atleast one of them is.

Chaos keeps guard as you walk out of the front door of Carlton Drake’s building, unmolested by the guards who’d only recently thrown you into a cell. It watches, silently, bristling at every new sound, until you are blocks away.

“We made it,” you whisper as you stop, leaning against the brick façade of a building a mile from the lab.

We, Chaos murmurs questioningly, so quiet that you can’t hear. It wonders at the feeling in what would be its chest. We.

And just like that, you have the undying loyalty of a klyntar.

To your habitat then? Chaos asks you, snaking over your arms under the black jacket you wore. It coils around your wrists, squeezing gently before absorbing back into your skin.

You snicker. “It’s called a home, silly, but yes. Home.” For a second you walk toward your small loft apartment, but your steps quickly falter. Chaos senses your sudden apprehension.

We will pack what you need and leave, they will know where you live. We cannot stay long.

So you don’t stay.

–

Eddie Brock, once a journalist, is used to people thinking he’s insane. At least borderline. But he’s never been insane like this- looking over his shoulder every two seconds, knowing that Venom is right there, feeling the symbiote in his every blood vessel, every pore. It’s like tripping on acid, the feeling of the black sludge all over and yet nowhere.

“Whose idea was it, huh?” Eddie growls, head twitching to the side as if he were talking to someone who isn’t there- the action gains him a few odd looks, but he doesn’t really care, stomping down the street anyway. “The kiss, I mean.”

Not important, Venom says. How are we going to stop Riot? He has things we’ve never seen-

“Not my problem, V, I told you I was done after all of that-“

World domination isn’t your problem?

Eddie growls, turning into a side alley that cuts through to the next street over. It’s a long alley, long enough to be creepy, but he’s got a symbiote. What do the criminals have, guns? Laughable. He’s never been afraid of dark alleys anyway, not truly. “You or Anne? It had to be someone. There are plenty of other ways to get-“He cuts himself off as a small, hooded figure steps out in front of him. Venom is assessing before Eddie can even blink. “Can I help you?” She’s standing square in the way, hands in her jeans pockets, hood shading her entire face.

Food? Venom asks.

“No- Eddie snaps. The girl doesn’t flinch.

“You’re the one who needs help, Eddie.” She finally says, looking up at him. “With your little problem.”

Normally, when someone says that to him, it means he’s got an awkward boner- so naturally he’s surprised for a second, frowning at her as she stands there like it’s perfectly natural to accuse someone of indecency. He opens his mouth but doesn’t know what to say for a change, and Venom’s silence doesn’t really help. Finally, his mind catches up…somewhat. “What?” he splutters, walking quickly towards her. “Who are you?”

A few steps away, Venom breaks its silence.

Eddie, STOP.

And Eddie is pulled to a sudden halt, blinking at the unassuming teenager in front of him.

Venom envelops him in a heartbeat, leaving Eddie no time to protest the change. The girl, once again, doesn’t even blink- and that’s when Eddie understands. Riot? He asks his symbiote.

“Chaos.” Venom says to the small girl. “Why are you here?”

A grey-blue head manifests over her shoulder, staring up at Venom with those opalescent white eyes they all share. It’s all fangs, white veins webbing over it like scars. Even still, Eddie can’t help but notice that it’s severely less ugly than Riot. But then he sees the girl who the head is connected to, and he wonders why he didn’t see her in the lab. She would’ve been hard to miss, simply because she looks like she’d beat the crap out of anyone who stood in her way, simply by the steely gaze.

“Venom.” Chaos greets the klyntar. “It seems we have both found a host.” It squints. “Did you pull yours out of the trash?”

To its credit, Venom only shrugs. “If you are here to insult me, you can leave. I am perfectly happy continuing to ignore you.”

Chaos grins, a feral grin that somehow speaks of bloodlust. “We are here to help you defeat Riot.”

Eddie, inside of Venom’s protective shell, can feel the shock that rolls through his symbiote. “You?” Venom asks, deforming into just a head, mirroring Chaos himself. “But you’re-“

“Was. I was Riot’s right hand.”

“Literally?” Eddie squeaks, picturing that monstrous right hand separating itself into a pile of goo-

Venom wants to believe Chaos, it really does, but its seen the other klyntar in action, and finds it rather hard to believe that it could turn on its leader so quickly.

“I could’ve killed you fourty-three different ways by now.” Chaos helpfully points out. “But I haven’t. Because we have a common goal.” It glances at its host, who raises her hand to stroke down its cheek. Something unbelievably like love passes over the grey biomass. “I’ve found something worth rebellion.”

“Alright.” Venom says, darting its tongue over sharp teeth. “Where do we start?”

–

Later, when everything is said and done and Eddie is finally somewhat alone on his couch, staring at the wall in quiet contemplation, he only has one thought.

He takes a sip of his well-earned beer and sits back.

“So she’s got one up her ass too.”

[som3thingcr3ative]

Fairytale Symbiosis

It’s finally home! This was posted on the lovely @themaskedwriter ‘s blog, and now it is here on mine! Chapter two will be posted very soon!

Fairytale Symbiosis (with a side of world domination, of course)

Platonic! Eddie Brock x reader, martial arts! Reader (who, for story purposes is short and a teenager.)

Warnings: swearing, body horror (a bit, pretty mild), symbiotes, martial arts, imprisonment, carnivores, inappropriate humor, basically anything from the movie Venom will apply here. VENOM SPOILERS

Synopsis: Y/N has always hated the entitled, world-destroying, no-soul types- and Carlton Drake fits that description perfectly. Naturally she sneaks into his lab intending to do some damage, but gets much more than she bargained for. This isn’t a war she can sit out of, not when world domination is at stake, so helping Eddie and Venom is the natural choice…for her. Her symbiote, however, may have other ideas.

Tags are open!

A Host. It needs a host- badly.

The containment tank walls are as bare as usual as it paces back and forth, sliding along the substance, slamming against it every few seconds. It’s hard to breathe in there: hard without a host.

Homeless, the Drake man calls them- the hosts he brings as offerings. Their fear when it takes over is palpable. The emotion leaves a taste in its mouth that drives it to the brink, but just as it thinks it will be satisfied, the body dies. The host dies. None of them have the fight in them that it requires.

“Open it.” Carlton orders as the newest prospect finally looks at it.

It slides out, creeping toward the human, the pheromones in the air enticing, empowering, delicious-

The back door to the lab slams open, admitting four security guards holding a girl between them.

It doesn’t look, just slips up the smooth cloth of the man’s pants. Beneath it, the human quivers in fear. It wishes it could drool…soon, soon, but the fear- the fear is so palatable, so tangible…

A shout. It pauses, looks.

The girl moves so fast the other humans have no chance, but to its trained eyes…

Jiu-jitsu, it thinks, karate, muy-thai, as the girl wraps her legs around the neck of one security guard, using her body to flip him onto the floor. Blood spurts as his head slams into the ground, but she’s unaffected, already moving. The second security guards’ arm breaks under her touch before the third shoots a taser into her back. Can’t be more than a youth, it thinks, noting the height and weight differences between her and the others. Not ideal…but that attitude, that skill…useful.

It absorbs into the host offered to him as the girl drops to her knees, fighting through the electricity to rip the taser cords from her back. Flesh is ripped as well, but she screams and throws a punch.

“Why did you bring her here?” Carlton Drake demands, watching the girl as she tries to get up on legs that waver. She glares daggers at him, spitting blood. He does not bother to flinch, doesn’t even smile when she’s physically restrained by the guards- who are more careful this time.

“We found her sneaking through the containment area, sir.” One says. He gives the girl a solid shake.

“I’m lost,” she growls, spitting blood once more. “Dunno how I got here. Dunno where here is.”

It can smell her lie. She knows exactly where she is.

“Kill her.” Drake commands, turning back to his experiment- to them.

“I want her.” Chaos snarls, its body and the humans’ flickering back and forth. Even as the body fails, even as it drops to the floor and the klyntar steps out of the crumpled skin, it watches her.

She hides her fear well.

Drake jerks his head and it’s done- she is dragged, incapacitated, into what it’s come to consider its cell, then thrown to her knees before it.

Chaos pulls itself up before her as the door closes, watching her body shake. She stares defiantly back at it, her fists clenched.

For a second, girl and symbiote watch each other. Drake, on the other side of the glass-like material, seems perplexed. Chaos, however, almost can’t do it.

As much as it’s always been the perfect soldier, even it has limits- and it can’t help but to think this girl is too pure for it, too innocent, too young. After all, where it comes from, the young are prized above all. it doesn’t want to take her if she doesn’t want to be taken. Her fear is unlike anything it’s ever smelled; it’s tinged with anger and resilience.

But it can’t wait any longer, it has already gone too long without a functioning host, not some drugged-up addict whose body was bordering on death even without the klyntar.

Chaos, the largest and most deadly of the symbiotes, touches the girls’ hand gently at first, sliding from her fingers to her palm, up her wrist and forearm, to her bicep. She quivers, breathing hard and fast, but she does not scream. I do not want to hurt you, it whispers against her mind; she jerks at first, eyes widening in surprise. It can sense her thoughts going a million miles a second- she knows there is no fighting, but she has not given up. She’s already thinking of revenge. I do not want to do this without…how do you say? Permission.

Her quivering stops. Confusion replaces fear as it gives her a vision of what they can achieve together- it can already sense that she’s a perfect match- perfect as if born to it.

“No one has ever asked before.” She murmurs, eyes darting up to Drake, who watches with fascination as Chaos curls around her arm. She takes a deep breath, lets it out between her teeth. Her gaze remains locked on Drake as she consents- then as Chaos slips into her body like a glove.

She screams in rage, its voice echoing hers as they fuse, symbiote and host, one.

“Chaos,” it growls through her mouth. “I am Chaos.”

Drake’s eyes light up like a child on Christmas morning, watching as Chaos envelops its new host, its perfect host. Her body, small but wrapped and corded in muscle, disappears under it as it takes over, protecting and defending her.

What now? She asks it.

Now we bond. It replies to her and her only, receding into her chest. Now we plan.

 ~

HUNGRY. It snarls, angry at everything. Caged…caged like a beast. Caged like a dog. Not a dog. NOT A DOG.

“Chaos,” you murmur, eyes closed as you meditate, “not helping.” Then, to the space between your minds, I’ve been caged too, remember? We will get out. We will get out of here and leave this place behind us, forever.

It goes eerily quiet.

What aren’t you telling me? It’s been three days, three long days since you were thrown into the cell, since scientists have started poking and prodding at you, watching you around the clock, monitoring your vitals. You feel like a lab rat and being so damn close to Carlton Drake isn’t helping; you’re within strangling range if you could just get out of there.

We will eat him first. Chaos says, dodging your question. You sigh. It’s always the same with it.

What happened to no secrets? You ask the klyntar -whose species had been revealed to you during a long, boring night- as it wraps around you, manifesting in coils like a snake.

This, it replies, a hint of sadness to its gravelly voice, this I cannot tell you.

Outside of your cell, there’s movement. Drake.

Riot. Chaos growls, perking up.

“Let them out.” Drake commands. His words as their law, the scientist standing beside him does as asked and opens the door. You stand, Chaos guiding your movements as you position yourself before him. Your fingers twitch to be around his throat, the backstabbing, murdering, all around awful person- but Chaos recognizes the one it has been trained to follow all its life and so it holds you back.

Drake’s smirk makes Chaos’ control falter. “Hungry?” he asks, gesturing to the homeless man down the hall, oblivious to the conversation.

Chaos smiles, but you don’t. We can’t eat him, he’s innocent.

He’s food.

You thought I was food when you first saw me. Now we’re besties.

Silence. Then, we must do as Riot commands.

So you take orders from it without question? I thought you weren’t a dog.

It snarls, puffing up at your comment. I was born and bred to obey him.

You are your own being. No one can control you.

A pause. Isn’t that what you are trying to do, little human?

I am trying to help you. It’s not exactly easy.

It scans your mind, finding images of the unfortunate, the kids made homeless because of their sexuality, their gender identity, because of circumstances out of their control. It sees your own struggles, the perseverance. For a second, it thinks of how easily you accepted its pronouns, the tiny nuance to the English language it had deemed very important, thinks of your banter, your acceptance of another species in your body. It sees your drive, and something in the symbiote is moved by it.

You’re making me soft. It murmurs to you.

I’m giving you a conscience.

We must do whatever it takes to get out of here.

…fine. But I don’t have to like it.

It walks your body over to the homeless man, lets the human underestimate you. Lets him think you’re not a threat. Then it takes over, swiftly killing the human before he can feel any pain.

Compromise, it thinks, knowing Riot will never be able to tell the difference and wondering when exactly it became your protector instead of its leaders’. An ideal shift of that magnitude couldn't have happened without notice, surely, except it did. And it cannot be bothered to care.

Your chance comes quite quickly; with both Riot and Drake believing that Chaos is in control of you instead of just inhabiting your body, you are given all of the freedoms that the symbiote had on its home planet- and while you know you won’t have a chance at killing Drake, Chaos assures you that Venom (who recently escaped, hence the added security in the form of you,) would do quite nicely as a distraction. With its display of blatant disregard, Chaos was beginning to wonder if Riot’s concerns were, in the end, based in truth. Were the humans truly a dangerous species, despite all the klyntar blustering? It curls inside your chest, a seething biomass, slowly learning your internal functions the same way it learned from the other hosts- the ones whose bodies attacked it at first contact- and it thinks that maybe, just maybe, humans may be worth saving.

At least one of them is.

Chaos keeps guard as you walk out of the front door of Carlton Drake’s building, unmolested by the guards who’d only recently thrown you into a cell. It watches, silently, bristling at every new sound, until you are blocks away.

“We made it,” you whisper as you stop, leaning against the brick façade of a building a mile from the lab.

We, Chaos murmurs questioningly, so quiet that you can’t hear. It wonders at the feeling in what would be its chest. We.

And just like that, you have the undying loyalty of a klyntar.

To your habitat then? Chaos asks you, snaking over your arms under the black jacket you wore. It coils around your wrists, squeezing gently before absorbing back into your skin.

You snicker. “It’s called a home, silly, but yes. Home.” For a second you walk toward your small loft apartment, but your steps quickly falter. Chaos senses your sudden apprehension.

We will pack what you need and leave, they will know where you live. We cannot stay long.

So you don’t stay.

 ~

Eddie Brock, once a journalist, is used to people thinking he’s insane. At least borderline. But he’s never been insane like this- looking over his shoulder every two seconds, knowing that Venom is right there, feeling the symbiote in his every blood vessel, every pore. It’s like tripping on acid, the feeling of the black sludge all over and yet nowhere.

“Whose idea was it, huh?” Eddie growls, head twitching to the side as if he were talking to someone who isn’t there- the action gains him a few odd looks, but he doesn’t really care, stomping down the street anyway. “The kiss, I mean.”

Not important, Venom says. How are we going to stop Riot? He has things we’ve never seen-

“Not my problem, V, I told you I was done after all of that-“

World domination isn’t your problem?

Eddie growls, turning into a side alley that cuts through to the next street over. It’s a long alley, long enough to be creepy, but he’s got a symbiote. What do the criminals have, guns? Laughable. He’s never been afraid of dark alleys anyway, not truly. “You or Anne? It had to be someone. There are plenty of other ways to get-“He cuts himself off as a small, hooded figure steps out in front of him. Venom is assessing before Eddie can even blink. “Can I help you?” She’s standing square in the way, hands in her jeans pockets, hood shading her entire face.

Food? Venom asks.

“No-“ Eddie snaps. The girl doesn’t flinch.

“You’re the one who needs help, Eddie.” She finally says, looking up at him. “With your little problem.”

Normally, when someone says that to him, it means he’s got an awkward boner- so naturally he’s surprised for a second, frowning at her as she stands there like it’s perfectly natural to accuse someone of indecency. He opens his mouth but doesn’t know what to say for a change, and Venom’s silence doesn’t really help. Finally, his mind catches up…somewhat. “What?” he splutters, walking quickly towards her. “Who are you?”

A few steps away, Venom breaks its silence.

Eddie, STOP.

And Eddie is pulled to a sudden halt, blinking at the unassuming teenager in front of him.

Venom envelops him in a heartbeat, leaving Eddie no time to protest the change. The girl, once again, doesn’t even blink- and that’s when Eddie understands. Riot? He asks his symbiote.

“Chaos.” Venom says to the small girl. “Why are you here?”

A grey-blue head manifests over her shoulder, staring up at Venom with those opalescent white eyes they all share. It’s all fangs, white veins webbing over it like scars. Even still, Eddie can’t help but notice that it’s severely less ugly than Riot. But then he sees the girl who the head is connected to, and he wonders why he didn’t see her in the lab. She would’ve been hard to miss, simply because she looks like she’d beat the crap out of anyone who stood in her way, simply by the steely gaze.

“Venom.” Chaos greets the klyntar. “It seems we have both found a host.” It squints. “Did you pull yours out of the trash?”

To its credit, Venom only shrugs. “If you are here to insult me, you can leave. I am perfectly happy continuing to ignore you.”

Chaos grins, a feral grin that somehow speaks of bloodlust. “We are here to help you defeat Riot.”

Eddie, inside of Venom’s protective shell, can feel the shock that rolls through his symbiote. “You?” Venom asks, deforming into just a head, mirroring Chaos himself. “But you’re-“

“Was. I was Riot’s right hand.”

“Literally?” Eddie squeaks, picturing that monstrous right hand separating itself into a pile of goo-

Venom wants to believe Chaos, it really does, but it has seen the other klyntar in action, and finds it rather hard to believe that it could turn on its leader so quickly.

“I could’ve killed you forty-three different ways by now.” Chaos helpfully points out. “But I haven’t. Because we have a common goal.” It glances at its host, who raises her hand to stroke down its cheek. Something unbelievably like love passes over the grey biomass. “I’ve found something worth rebellion.”

“Alright.” Venom says, darting its tongue over sharp teeth. “Where do we start?”

 Later, when everything is said and done and Eddie is finally somewhat alone on his couch, staring at the wall in quiet contemplation, he only has one thought.

He takes a sip of his well-earned beer and sits back.

“So she’s got one up her ass too.”

[dimpledsarcasm]

Little Text I wrote waaaay back when they released the teaser pics (you know the one of them around the campfire?)

Clarke you didn’t kill him. You didn’t kill him. Is all that was going through my head as my eyes flitted to Bellamy beside me. He was next to me, but so so so far.

Although it happened 125 years ago I still couldn’t get over it. Ha you’re hilarious I snorted to myself.

Apparently Bellamy couldn’t get over it too. Yeah that’s why he held you when Jordan played us Monty’s video.

My eyes flitted to him again, but he wasn’t staring at me, he wasn’t even staring at the fire and was instead looking out at the landscape. What I would give to know what was going on in his head… There was a time when I used to know exactly what he was thinking, but that phase was long past.

My eyes raked over his side profile. The beard he grew in the years we were apart, the fire cast shadows on his face, but his freckles were ever more prominent. God I had forgotten how many freckles he has. His unruly brown hair, that was currently being stroked by Echo. My eyes moved to her, only to realize she was already staring at me. The hatred in her eyes was unmistakable. I couldn’t blame her, I had left the guy she loved for dead.

My eyes moved back to the fire. Never in a million years did I think I would let Bellamy die.  I had let a village be bombed for him, I couldn’t even kill him to save the human race. Damn I’m pathetic… and a horrible person. I added as an afterthought.

I wonder what would’ve happened if he had never opened that door 131 years ago, if I had shot him. The Blakes would both be dead. I’d be a pariah and heartbroken— yeah as though you aren’t that now. But, I wouldn’t have been separated from my mom, “Wonkru” would never have happened, nor the cannabilism… But I wouldn’t have met Madi. I wouldn’t be a mom.

My head had gone through all of those scenarios in the 6 year period where it was just me and Madi on the surface of the earth. What if the shot hadn’t killed him, but just disabled him. He never would have forgiven me for Octavia’s death, but… No Madi, remember Madi Clarke.

I sighed. At least he was alive. That’s all I could tell myself. I looked at him again, Echo be damned, at least he was alive.

I still couldn’t get over the beard. He looked like a man now, no longer the reckless man-child, all heart and no brain, he’d been way back when. No, now he was a mature, self-assured individual and I’m sure the woman holding him is what led to that.  

I closed my eyes and looked at the ground. Damn I miss the days where I could suppress my feelings, where they didn’t affect everything I did. Didn’t they though Clarke?  

For once, I could utterly disagree with my internal voice. No, they didn’t. Even when I was with Lexa, she encouraged me to think with my head. My heart twinged. Her face flashed before my eyes, hair to the side, brown eyes wide filled with happiness and… love, lips parted in lust. How self-assured she’d become in bed. I smirked.

Then her face flashed before my eyes again, but this time dark blood pouring out of her mouth, eyes wide in shock and lungs heaving up in down, taking in her last breaths. I closed my eyes tighter, forcing the image out of my head. It’d taken me a long time for that not to be the thing I saw whenever I closed my eyes— well whenever I closed my eyes other images flashed by; the expanding bloodstain on FInn’s shirt when I stabbed him, Well’s makeshift grave, Anya’s mud-spattered face as she died, Jasper cradling Maya’s radiation-destroyed body, my dad’s face filling up the screens of the Ark knowing he’d be sentenced to death, the—

“Clarke?” I snapped out of my reverie.

“What?” I asked breathless

“We’ve been trying to talk to you for the past couple minutes,” Echo said with an edge to her voice,  “If you’re not alert Clarke you’ll put us all in danger.” I looked at her. There were so many things I wanted to say and even though my eyes flashed in anger, I exercised master restraint.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” I said, trying my best to keep any anger out of my voice. She wasn’t worth it. I would not let her get the best of me. Not to mention, she was also right, we were on a foreign planet with who knows what out there and I couldn’t afford to be off my game… Man, what a familiar feeling, I snorted.

“Clarke?!” Echo said.

“Yes, yes, what were you talking about?” Shaw chuckled and I ignored Bellamy’s concerned eyes, I could feel his stare burning into my skin and I felt a blush rising to my cheeks, thank god I could blame it on the fire.

“Well, we were discussing as to where we should be headed tomorrow, downstream or upstream the river.” Miller said. I glanced at him.

“Wouldn’t upstream be best? There’s an advantage to higher ground.” I replied automatically.

“Yes, but as I was saying, downstream obviously will bring us to a larger body of water and that’ll be important for farming, not to mention that if we need to get away or cover our tracks we can just hope in and float or hike down.” She explained.

“While that might be true, we still don’t know if the water is drinkable, not to mention what’s the weather on this planet? If it’s flashfloods, we’ll be grateful for the higher ground.” I retorted.

“Bellamy already said that.” Echo say flatly.

“Oh. Well, then I agree with him.” I replied feeling my cheeks heat up. My eyes flickered to Bellamy to see him staring at me intensely. There was a flash of a smirk on his face and I looked away, the blush creeping up my neck.

“Figures.” Muttered Echo.

“Okay well let’s put it to a vote. Upstream?” Jackson said looking around. I raised my hand, so did Bellamy, Shaw and Miller. He paused, “I guess it’s decided.”

“Whatever.” Echo huffed and went back to stroking Bellamy’s hair.

~~~~~~~

While being alone with Madi and my radio it had seemed simple.

We woke up in the morning and gather berries from the surrounding area, in later years, we’d make jam and spread it on edible bark. Once we’d had our breakfast, I’d teach Madi some theory, we’d go through English, history, science… all of the things I learnt on the Ark, I tried to teach her. Next, Wwed go swimming then we would dry off and have a quick lunch of smoked meat (whatever we caught the night before would have been stewing till we ate it).

In the afternoon, I’d move on to practical training, fighting skills, weapon making, sewing wounds, hunting and later, driving. Madi’s village was a peaceful refuge for vegetarians, from what I could deduce, so Madi knew a few things— mostly what she had learned on her own before I showed up. She was a star pupil, or maybe I was a good teacher? I think it was a bit of both.

In late afternoon, we’d set up camp, initially Madi would collect wood and eventually we’d start taking turns making food, we’d sharpen and clean our weapons and I would sneak off with my radio to chat with Bellamy. It didn’t take long for Madi to deduce what I was doing so this was unofficially declared the moment in the day for alone time.

For supper we’d eat a mix of the meat or fish we caught and some random vegetables that Madi had dubbed yellow strings. And then we’d get ready for bed. I would draw a bit, Madi would practice her writing as well as drawing the star maps I taught her and we’d end the night with my telling her stories about my friends. It was our quiet peaceful routine.

Quiet. Simple. Easy.

It was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. On the ark, although I’d had a pretty sheltered childhood, it was always about rationing, best behaviour at all times and a lot of wondering what earth was like. Not to mention the grief. The grief when my friends’ parents were sentenced to treason and got floated, grief for the nonstop bullying Wells and I got, grief for my dad getting floated, grief because I thought I was going to be floated…

When I finally made it to earth, the grief didn’t change. It became tenfold and next came stress, survival stress. Basically it was do or die. I ended up taking charge. I guess I had been bred for it. But, that’s essentially what happened. Of course Bellamy and I butt heads initially due to it. He was the de facto leader and I, princess (god I hate that nickname), swooped in to challenge his every move. Of course, it wasn’t my fault his every move was the opposite of what I thought needed to be done…

But then people started dropping like flies, we were picked off by the grounders one by one and our morals were questioned to the point that even calling them morals is a hoax you used to sleep at night.  Of course I also fell in love and had sex, etc.

Then our ‘reinforcements’ came and that ended up being a mess as well. I ended up killing the boy I loved and would later murder an entire mountain full of people.

I fell in love again and then watched that person die too. Then I had to worry about a stupid crazy homicidal robot starting a cult ridding people of free will.

And the last couple months before the Earth went to hell was spent on figuring out how to save the human race. Saving the human race was the mantra that had been ingrained in me from the very beginning. On the Ark, I learnt that nothing really mattered a part from saving the human race. Nothing else.

So when primfaya happened and I was the only person left on the surface of the earth (everyone else was either underground or in space)… Well, thank god for Madi because otherwise, I definitely wouldn’t of made it. My mentality of saving the human race transferred onto Madi. I became her default mom, and her, my daughter and she was all that mattered. Still talking to a preteen girl for 6 years wasn’t exactly socializing in my opinion.

Which is why it wasn’t only Madi and I. It was Madi, I and Bellamy, or rather a radio, but I just maintained the idea that he could hear me and couldn’t respond. I knew that was total bullshit, you don’t hang out with Raven Rayes for ages and not realize that the radio waves would not be making it past the radiation clouding the earth, let alone through space to the revived Ark.

Yeah no way he even knew I was alive. But, I pretended anyway, because the alternative— the idea that I truly was alone and couldn’t talk to Bellamy, or worse that Bellamy and the others hadn’t actually made it to safety— well there’s only so much a person can take before going insane. So, I spoke to my radio. I told Bellamy all of my fears, all of the little victories, like when Madi wrote her first English sentence or when I found the edible bark, I told him about the new discoveries and my theories on what to do next. I spoke to him about Lexa, and Finn, and Wells. I told him everything. In one of my loneliest (horniest) moments I told him the fact that I missed having sex, masturbation just wasn’t cutting it anymore (that was never mentioned again)…

So, seeing him again, after speaking to him everyday for 6 years? Well, that was a pretty massive shock to my system, not to mention that he had gotten even hotter during that time.

Those 6 years had given me plenty of time to deal with Lexa’s death and realize I was completely and utterly in love with Bellamy. Of course I also acknowledged that it was the Clarke of 6 years ago that was in love with the Bellamy of 6 years ago… Somehow that didn’t translate into my brain when I first saw him. Instead all I wanted to do was discreetly pinch myself, because there was no way he was here with me. The second was, this must be true because even my imagination wouldn’t have been able to fathom how hot he’d be with a beard. And we fell back into this routine of Clarke and Bellamy.

Quiet. Simple. Easy.

Granted we were also dealing with his sister, Octavia, turned overzealous-dictator, a shitton of ex-felons and a war on the last survivable place on earth… But it didn’t matter because it was Bellamy and I and we could do this.

At least I thought we could. That is until I saw Echo run into his arms for a PG13 make out session, that is until he called ‘spacecru’ his family and didn’t include me, that is until he betrayed me by turning my daughter into a weapon… putting her directly in the bloodthirsty vision of Octavia who’s homicidal tendencies seemed to have gone on steroids since having last encountered her above ground.

So I left him to die.

Alright I know, stupid move, clearly turning Madi into the head of Wonkru was the best, most nondestructive choice at the time, but I didn’t see it that way and I reacted brashly. I still needed to apologize for that I guess. It was interesting that he had forgiven me so quickly though, blaming it on my “mama bear instincts” (he finally recognized what Madi meant to me). The speed in which he had been quick to lose that grudge really proved to me that he definitely was no longer my Bellamy. He seemed to be a mature, level-headed, amazing man that I no longer knew. We are strangers. And that probably broke my heart more than seeing him with Echo did.

I removed my eyes from the fire and looked around me. Actually all of these people were strangers now and for the quadrillionth time since primfaya I felt like bawling my eyes out.

That was something I discovered during those 6 years—how utterly emotive I could be. Jeez the emotion oozing out of me disgusted me. But, because I was able to focus it on Madi all this time it was okay. Except Madi was still in cryosleep and I was here with a guy I might possibly still love, his girlfriend (who hated me), a random-ass stranger that was cool, and just an overall blast from the past couple of friends, not too mention I had just found out that two of my closest friends had lived an entire life together filled with happiness and a peaceful ending so that we could live, so that the human race could survive.

Yeah my poor isolated self could not keep up with the varying situations.

I got up, feeling angsty. I definitely needed to loosen some of the tension I felt building up.

[americankimchi]

every time i see a post that’s like “qui-gon would have been the mentor anakin needed; it’s obi-wan’s inability to feel emotion that caused anakin to fall” my eyes roll so far back in my head they phase into an alternate reality

terrible understanding of the jedi aside (obi-wan doesn’t feel emotion??? the man to whom grief and rage are old friends??? what???) y’all realize there was a whole ass sith lord who had anakin’s ear day in and day out for over a decade right?

a sith lord who made it his MISSION to corrupt this jedi for no other reason than it amused him at the time??? it stoked the flames of his pride and contempt for the jedi to take this nine year old child and twist and manipulate him into falling to the dark side??? like???

he didn’t NEED to do it; anakin’s fall had little to nothing to do with the fall of the republic i mean aside from killing mace/defending sidious in that final battle in his office but that could’ve been avoided by not getting involved with anakin in the first place and had less to do with the fall of the republic than it was a test of anakin’s corruption vs. dedication to the light

if anything it risked the culmination of sidious’ plans to do so. he went out of his way to make sure anakin felt the temptation of the dark side far more fully than he otherwise would have, made it so that no matter how hard the jedi worked to teach him their way of life there was always a voice of dissent who provided just enough doubt to turn him away from their teachings like wh

and sure you could make the argument that obi-wan shouldn’t have let anakin have such a close relationship with the chancellor but what justification would he have given? nobody knew the dusty old fart was a sith!!! 

“hey anakin don’t go talk to your old pal friendpatine” 

“why master” 

“because i think he’s a dick”

“right you are master i’ll tell him to fuck off next time i see him”

and who’s to say that that would’ve even worked?? anakin’s a rebel born and bred he flouted the rules when it suited him all his life even BEFORE he was a jedi-in-training

and sure qui-gon would’ve been a good master, hell he would’ve been a great one seeing as how in tune with the living force he is and how he followed the jedi code strictly but in the spirit of the code and not the letter, but would he have been able to prevent anakin’s fall? UM??? XANATOS, ANYBODY?

it wasn’t qui-gon’s fault that xanatos fell but if he couldn’t prevent xanatos from falling without the influence of a sith being in the mix y’all really think he coulda saved anakin when he was well under the thumb of the sith master himself i truly cannot fathom

and obi-wan not feeling emotion??? Y’ALL????? Y’ALL FOR REAL

what do you MEAN he doesn’t feel anything just because he’s not flinging his emotion in people’s faces everywhere he turns doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel anything i just

obi-wan feels so deeply that sometimes it almost feels as if the emotion could choke him to death but he is a jedi master and as such he does not let that emotion cloud his judgement he does his duty first and foremost even when that means that he must make personal sacrifices to do so!!!

and though i hate the idea that not feeling romantic love means that one doesn’t feel love at all because that does a serious disservice to so many people on the planet (familial love? platonic love? compassion for a fellow being regardless of origin? the ability to empathize with the struggle of others and help them when they are in need? these are ALL expressions of love) let me just remind:

siri tachi!!! satine kryze!!!!! women he loved and were loved deeply by in turn and yet he (and they) did not choose to pursue a relationship out of a deeply ingrained sense of duty to the code, to his identity as a jedi, to who he wanted to be

and the ones who loved him understood that

well, almost all of them (anakin........... sighs)

hghfhgfj god

other content aside (comics, books, cartoons, etc.) how can anyone watch the movies and think he doesn’t feel in every single scene you can see the emotion on his face when he’s with his friends with other jedi with people he’s trying to help i’m

the betrayal and hurt that he hides not because he doesn’t feel them but because he feels so much when qui-gon tells the council that he will take anakin as his padawan, and he will not disgrace his master with an unseemly display of anger when he understands what qui-gon is trying to do and will respect that decision even if it hurts him. when qui-gon dies? the agony on his face??? the RAGE in his eyes when he fights darth maul in single combat??? he SHOUTS in horror and grief and he sheds tears when qui-gon finally dies in his arms

and his love for anakin. oh my god he loved that boy so much it hurt him he didn’t know what to DO

the ONE time he does not do his duty to the jedi

the only time he fails to do his duty is because of anakin

to kill him would be to be a jedi. to prevent the world from the devastation obi-wan knows will be unleashed if the chosen one is allowed to roam free; he has the voices of MILLIONS of people screaming in his ears their death rattles are rending his soul in two and yet to strike anakin down here and now would destroy him as surely as if he had put himself to the blade

and he can’t

kill

the boy he RAISED

the padawan he TRAINED

the man who he fought with and loved so much that he felt as if his own heart were burning right alongside the body of the one person in the entire galaxy that he couldn’t imagine being without

he wanted, no, expected to die with anakin by his side (and he was proven right, in the end) and watching his BROTHER burning there on the shores of mustafar... the look of GRIEF on his face! he’s lost everything! the order he grew up in and with, the friends he loved, the way of life, his family, everything he’s ever known and loved and lived for is gone because of this single man and it is his DUTY to strike him down because he is jedi first and foremost but beyond that he is also a man with a broken heart who sees this man and sees the nine year old he helped raised into a headstrong warrior with a heart of gold and the padawan who scampered after him in the halls of the temple with hero-worship in his eyes and an eager spring in his step and the blushing adolescent who was so enamored with a beautiful queen-turned-senator-turned-wife that when he first saw her again after years the words fumbled and fell out of his leaden tongue until obi-wan felt he would die of second-hand embarrassment and GOD he CANNOT be a jedi, he CANNOT do his duty because here, in front of him, is the singular soul in all the world, in all the galaxy, in all the FORCE that he loves most in the world

and he cannot do it

obi-wan’s greatest failing is not that he felt nothing it’s that he felt too much

and make no mistake obi-wan being off-planet when sidious made his final move was NOT a mistake

obi-wan was a stabilizing influence in anakin’s life, a safe harbor from which he could catch his breath, and removing obi-wan removed one of the only people in the world he felt could help him through the emotional turmoil. padme was the other, but as she was the one anakin was worried over anything she said fell on deaf ears.

ALRIGHT that’s enough of that i’m going to go read some sw fic or something this just. OBI-WAN YOU KNOW???

[motherstone]

So, I was looking at your AU (So well developed I must say) and there's this question in my mind, is Emily... dead?? In your Oc universe I mean, no need to answer if you don't want to

Haha! Anon, be prepared for a rant because you have pressed my Hyperfixation Button.

Warning: this rant shows how bias I am towards a character and certain places in Amulet and contains real world opinions and issues that I am Absolutely Pissed about so I retconned a couple of things in my OC world. It addresses issues that is very much happening and if it makes you uncomfortable, well, it’s never meant to comfortable. This contains a lot of sensitive themes and frankly I am still doing research 

Technically speaking, the entire Council is gone along with Cielis (although the Surface knows it’s still alive they just ceased contact). Vigo died quite some time ago, along with several of theoriginal crew. Emily and Trellis are what remains of the Council but theresponsibilities are split because Trellis stayed on Alledia while Emily assistsin Space as a fighter (she’s not a leader). Elves age differently here, so Emilyis well in her senior years while Trellis is in his early 20s. Emily found Moze(already having a stone) abandoned as an infant in a wreckage after a fight inGhen-7, and brought him back to Alledia to raise him. Here Trellis actuallyserved as Moze’s adoptive father with Emily as his mom (but they’re not in arelationship, more of QPR because Emily is aroace while Trellis is a demi throughand through). 

He’s p reluctant at first and suspiscious where Emily gothim and if she just “stole” him without, I dunno, searching for his parents butultimately agrees because Emily has to be in Space and the safest place sheknows is Alledia and the most trustworthy person she knows is Trellis.Fortunately, he genuinely loved him and raised him as his own despite being differentspecies, even more so as from different planets. The problem is, Emily was kindof… Emotionally neglectful. The only time she ever bothers to visit Moze iswhen she wants to train him and bring him to space so he could join her in herfights but nothing beyond that. Trellis is a bit more affectionate, butconsidering he is recovering trauma from his own abusive childhood, strugglesto communicate properly with Moze and tries to feebly and reluctantlyunderstand and justify Emily’s action.

Unfortunately, this just bred resentment in Moze, as most ofthe time he’s complimented and recognized based on his skill and power, ratherthan his worth as a person. It worsens to the point that he believes that theonly reason Emily adopted him in the first place because he’s a weapon they canuse in their “war” (considering Alledia’s mandatory 500 years of peace is ineffect, Moze interprets that his parents has not yet switched out of their “atwar” mindset. And considering Emily’s actions, it’s quite hard to blame Mozefor drawing up that conclusion). The fact that Trellis is training him as astonekeeper to one day become a Guardian of the Council and didn’t evenconsider if THAT’S what Moze wants…. Moze was in a very claustrophobic anddistressing situation. When he does try to bring it up with Trellis, he’llreceive excuses. When he does try to bring it up with Emily, he gets dismissed.His lack of friends because of prioritizing his training made him deprived of agood support network (which a weakened Ikol took advantage of)

Contrary to what Moze thinks, Trellis DOES notice Moze’sdistress and worries about it, but is torn from defending his best friend ofmany decades to defending his beloved son. After he remembers how he alwaysyearned to be an adult his younger self needed, he goes off to confront Emilyfor her actions. Now I have to tell you, they both loved Moze, but they areindeed terrible parents with flaws they didn’t properly addressed, leading totheir kid suffering for it (considering Trellis has little proper adult guidanceand Emily is also emotionally neglected by Karen… It’s inevitable). That’swhere he realized Moze was just “taken” and Emily never bothered to search forhis parents. Trellis nearly broke down then and there because he realizes theySTOLE Moze. Moze is a Ghensepta (citizen of Ghen-7, it still hasn’t fallen tothe shadows yet), but he was raised Alledian, taught Alledian culture, taughtAlledian history when he already has ONE of his OWN. Moze was forced to take anidentity that wasn’t his and was absolutely isolated from his real culture andheritage. He is horribly sickened by what he and Emily has done and is outragedby it.

(Trellis’s and Emily’s relationship isn’t abusive per se, andit was genuinely a good one from the start but as they spent of the timeseparated from one another and be desensitized and cynical by their traumaticand heavy issues they encounter in their duties in either ruling or fighting…Well, it dissolved to the point that they only bothered to listen to oneanother because of past yearnings and insistence to try to stick of what they wereinstead of accepting the other as now. They still do care one another though,and consider each other family, but the former passion and harmony is long gone.Trellis do ended up going along to what Emily desires instead of protestingback in the good ol days)

Trellis demands that Moze be returned to his home planet butEmily declines, as they are his parents now and Ghen-7 will be safe no longer. Whatkind of parent that endangers their child? Trellis dissents that they are not Moze’sparents and that he doesn’t belong to Alledia and deserved to return to hisreal home and family. The argument heated to point it dissolved to a fightwhere Trellis is nearly crippled from Emily’s attack. Her own actions horrifyher, and in the gist of the moment, Trellis begs to understand, that they didMoze wrong, that he’s sick of always compensating for Emily since the start oftheir friendship, and that she at least don’t do it for him, but for Moze. ThatMoze still loves her, and she undoubtedly loves him, but they need to talk, andshe needs to listen this time. That Moze was hurting and that they failed himlike the adults in their lives failed them. Realizing the truth, Emily breaksdown as well. The thing is, Moze overheard some of their fight, andmisinterprets this as Trellis becoming sick of him, hating him, and desiring todisown him (it doesn’t help that to Moze’s unawareness, that Ikol is amplifyinghis self-hatred)

Utterly heartbroken and crushed, Moze felt sick when Trellisvisited him in his room that night, to tell him that he has to go with hismother for a while. Believing this affirms his worst fears, he promptly acceptsit (Moze prefers Trellis over Emily clearly and loathes spending time with thelatter). Trellis looks like he wants to say something and Moze was about toanticipate it, but he shakes his head, and leaves him alone. The last timeTrellis saw Moze was when he was leaving with his mother

When Emily returns, Trellis is overjoyed to greet her,although surprised they got back early but presumes that they must have quicklyresolved things.

He stops dead when Emily was there alone, with Moze’stattered blue cape.  

His whole world shatters when Emily disappears to get Mozeback when he lost control, never to return. 

Destroyed by his son’s and best friend’s death within ashort span of time, Trellis fell into depression and suicidal tendencies,abandoning his position and duties as both Guardian and King, leaving a powervacuum and a fragile peace and structure his Cabinet and other offices try tofill and stabilize. Ultimately Riva is forced to shoulder his position asGuardian. The entire world goes into a shitshow when he’s gone for 3-4 years,isolating himself in his home village with only Luger keeping him from killinghimself but it’s clear he’s lost the will to live. He only returns when Gulfenis threatened to be overthrown by a tyrant and start another war again, andonce again usurps the throne to his great reluctance and despair (he hatesruling tbh and would rather live a normal life til he dies but duty has brandedhim to the bone), becoming Alledia’s sole ruler as the only remainingstonekeeper alive (the motherstone is actually still intact but no one knowsthat except him, because they are saving the stones for a new Council once the500 years of peace passed and the cycle of discord becomes anew). However,traumatized with rollercoaster of recovery and relapses and mental healtheducation and treatment virtually next to nonexistent yet, he spent most of hisearly reign with and emotional limp. Navin, last of the original group asideTrellis and his first friends, dies. 

Fortunately, he’s REALLY good at ruling and ended upimplementing laws that revolutionizes Alledia, especially Gulfen, but strugglesto implement it in other countries, especially Windsor due to racism and many ofthe country’s authority resisting him, and thus simply left them to their owndevices if they desire to implement it or not. Thus, his power as a Guardian isreduced considerably because of it, meeting resistance and suspicion ineverything that he does, no matter how well-intentioned. Still, believing thefight is not over, Trellis the forms strategies and plans to prepare Allediawhen the shadows return, and that includes warnings of rising fascism and discord.He prioritizes public education, equal rights (be it in gender, sexuality,disability or race), and (mental, physical, and emotional) health oversecurity, intending to help Alledia recover first before preparing for a war.He also tries to unify Gulfen by solving the divide of the East and West after itscivil war, and tries to harmonize and fix the racism that divides the elves andhumans, by allowing elves to reside in more friendly cities, such as Lucien,Ippo, and Frontera. Cielis, hated by the surface due to their actions andabandonment in the war, was dropped as Windsor’s capital and acknowledgesLucien instead. It became Alledia’s first metropolis, boasting as the richestand most diverse city in the world.

With that in mind, he forms the Lufenian Green Cross (acharity volunteer organization that spreads welfare and healthy internationally,its HQ based in Ippo, Lufen’s capital), Frontera Science Prefecture (and whereGulfen’s Space Program members aka the Elvem Resistance operated in secret to assistwith the war in space), and the Alledian Auxiliary, a cohesive paramilitaryorganization that is formed by the remnants of the Elf Army and the HumanResistance (sure enough, early days were bad but over time formed a s trongbond, contributing to the Hamony movement). He’s done a whole lot more but let’smove the fuck on

Eventually, around 23 he started dating Riva (after dating afew people to test the waters. He’s dated only three people before Riva, but he’sdated both men and women, human and elf), and then marrying her after a fewyears. It was a private ceremony, but Alcyone claims it was the only day shenever saw Trellis frown and was happy throughout. Still, he never fullyrecovered from his PTSD and clinical depression and anxiety, often overworkinghimself to compensate. Although as mental health becomes more widespread andrefined, Trellis allows himself to go to therapy, but struggles to recover.Succeses are far and few in between, and healing was hard work on top of hisoverwhelming duties. Nevertheless, he actually manages a happy and healthy marriagewith Riva regardless of his deep rooted mental issues thanks to it. Riva andTrellis never never had any children, as Trellis was far too traumatized and guilt-riddenfrom what happened to Moze, believes himself to be a curse like his father towhoever his child may be. Yet feeling like he owes Riva, they eventually haveRavis when they are around their 40s (in Elf age, so 300 after the events inAmulet).

Trellis didn’t want Ravis to suffer and experience thedangers of Royal life, thus kept the existence of the child secret and keptthem both in Lucien as simple citizens, with him separating personal life and leaderwork, thus he visits from time to time. But he refused to be more active inraising Ravis in his toddler years in fear of hurting him and guilt yet treatedhim genuinely well (he is also scared of loving him, and then losing him). He onceagain experiences a relapse and isolates himself more, leading to a few suicideattempts. When Ravis is around 5, Trellis’s condition worsens, to the point heis frequently hospitalized and isolated to keep him from his self-destructiveand suicidal tendencies (it happened enough times that the staff knows him wellenough, but he’s never hurt Ravis or Riva). Fortunately, after extensivetherapy, Trellis finally chooses recovery and affirms himself that he is worthyof the good life he is trying to cultivate, now tries to be a more active andgood father to Ravis. And sure enough, he did, absolving himself of mistakes hedid with how he raised Moze (but the fact that Ravis and Moze nearly have thesame personality tells that their kind and rather timid nature comes from him)

He does have relapses from time to time, but now he’s relieving himselfof his duties more and more to leave it to his subordinates in order to spend moretime with his family. Besides, it’s just 400 years, they have a century ofpeace. It comes to the point he’s considering to abdicate his throne and dissolvethe monarchy. Unfortunately, the last gadoba (the plant Riva saved in bk 6)warns him that the shadows are returning much earlier to exact their revengeand commit the genocide they intended from the start. Knowing full well theyaren’t ready, Trellis despairs, that why now of all moments, the moment wherehe is now desiring to live did the gadoba ask him to die to sacrifice himselffor Alledia. But Trellis comes to terms to impending death and plans to facethe shadows on the new moon, which is a month later. Father Hope tells him thathis century will only end under the light of the full moon with his son in hisarms.

He does tell Riva all of this, and she despairs as well, buthe tries to reassure her. He then goes on behind the scenes to prepare Allediaonce he’s gone, all the while spending whatever time he has left with hisfamily. Ravis thought their father was feeling sad, and tries to cheer him up, andalthough he does smile, it cant seem to reach his eyes. Thus, when Trellis isaround his 50s, he suddenly disappeared from his chambers in Valcor, the dooropening to his balcony and into the red rocks bellow. They can’t find his body,and the scene was ruled as suicide.

Thus to answer, Emily is dead, and Trellis is “dead”.

[lilacmoon83]

Dreaming Out Loud

Also on Fanfiction.net and A03

Chapter 100: Someday I'll Wish Upon a Star

"Wow…" Emma uttered, as she finished viewing the intense situation that her family had just been in. Some things about this reality were very good, but in many ways, there were also even more problems.

"Is it weird that I miss the days where I thought Cronus might be our big problem?" Emma quipped. Athena smiled thinly.

"Arawn is extremely dangerous...but Frollo is perhaps even worse," she agreed.

"Not surprising. The guy hates magic and then turns around and uses it. He can call that science all he wants, but that was magic and he used it on my Dad. I'd like to give him a punch in the face for that," she groused.

"Does this mean you are ready to make your decision?" Athena questioned.

"I...I don't know honestly. If I reverse the spell, does that mean Arawn and Frollo go away?" Emma asked.

"There is a possibility that everything could return to just as it was before Zelena cast her spell," Athena replied.

"Why do I sense a but in there?" Emma asked.

"Because time travel is so unpredictable, not to mention forbidden. It defies the laws of magic and it is the one rule that even Zeus has dared to break and believe me, Zeus has broken every other rule in the book," Athena mentioned.

"So you're saying that even if I do turn back time...there still might be changes?" Emma asked.

"There is always that possibility. The original time line would return, but elements from this time line might also become a reality," Athena answered.

"Like two worlds literally colliding," Emma muttered, as she thought for a moment and then sighed, as she put her hands to her face.

"I hate this! No matter what I do...I feel like we're damned if we do and damned if we don't!" the blonde cried.

"That's a fair assessment. What Zelena has done will cause ramifications that not even me or the oracles can foresee. It's unfair Emma...but the decision remains with you," Athena implored. The blonde sighed.

"So I still have about ten years to go...any chance I can just get the highlights?" Emma questioned. Athena chuckled and waved her hand over the viewing pool.

"That I can do, but it will also speed up the need for your decision," she warned.

"I understand…" Emma agreed, as the major events began to play out before her again.

~*~

Arawn sat in his Throne that evening, extremely displeased with the turn of events.

"Sire...I know today did not turn out as you had hoped, but the division among the Gods of Olympus will only benefit us. For the first time in history, they fear us mortals," Frollo advised.

"Which could lead to our destruction," Arawn countered.

"Or theirs. The warring between brothers Zeus and Hades could end up destroying them and their entire bloodlines. They will not take Zeus' betrayal against Persephone lightly," he warned.

"Yes...I suppose you are correct and we can seize any opportunity to expand our Empire," he said, as he rose from his Throne and gazed out the window.

"Starting with Midas' Kingdom. Once he falls...others will fold to me with little quarrel," he surmised.

"All while violating the laws of the land along the way," a new voice interjected, as the two men looked around.

"Show yourself!" Frollo demanded, as a young looking man with an olive complexion appeared. Though he looked like he was barely thirty, his eyes had a wisdom and told that he was much older than he looked.

"And what concern is it of yours?" Arawn questioned.

"I am Apollo and to say that I have a strong aversion to your evil is an understatement," he responded.

"Ah...the God Apollo. Perhaps no one has informed you...but the Gods have little sway in the mortal land these days," Frollo stated.

"Your arrogance is deeply troubling, Judge Frollo. Almost as much as your perversion," Apollo countered, which angered the other man immensely.

"I am the Royal Vizier and was a man of justice! You let magic disease this land and yet I am called out for perversion," he hissed.

"After the way you looked at my niece...I'd say I'm correct in my assessment," Apollo stated.

"So that's what this is about. Has Persephone sent you to plead for her daughter's life? Because you shouldn't waste your breath. She killed my sister," Arawn growled.

"She did not...and I have proof," Apollo claimed.

"Any proof you carry is hardly that. You are a God of immense power and ability to twist anything you want," Frollo claimed.

"My oracles do not lie or deceive, but I wouldn't expect a man like you to recognize the truth," Apollo stated, as he used his oracle to show them the vision of that night. Of Deimos conspiring with the Queen, before betraying and killing her. Of Deimos staging the crime scene and framing Princess Snow.

"As you can see...the one you have allied yourself with is the one that murdered your sister," Apollo stated.

"That's a very convenient story...but there is nothing you can show me that will stop my conquest. The Kingdoms are in disarray. Their leaders are weak. King Eli, King George, King Midas, King Stefan, King Hubert...even Prince Eric in the Maritime Kingdom. They are either weak sods or greedy tyrants. Only through conformity can there be prosperity," Arawn claimed.

"Spoken like a true dictator," Apollo said distastefully.

"Even if we were to believe these claims, Snow White would not escape our scrutiny. She is an abomination...a demon born and bred in the Underworld," Frollo responded.

"Snow is as good and pure as her name suggests...but then that's why you want to destroy her. She's fated to become a great leader and to find a true love that Athena has already etched in the stars, because it will be so profound," Apollo warned. Frollo scoffed.

"We will not be threatened by that child's rule. A woman has no place on the Throne without a man by her side. She will not ascend to her father's Throne," Frollo refuted.

"This war...it will slaughter thousands. It could be worse than the ogre war. You will not create order and justice with war!" Apollo declared.

"Your laws need mending. Mortals break them and ignore them, because they are not harsh enough, but the time of leniency has passed. This is the dawn of a new era upon us and with Zeus behind us, I'd say there is little the rest of you can do against us," Arawn replied.

"We shall see," Apollo countered, as he disappeared in a puff of smoke. Arawn noticed the pensive look on Frollo's face.

"What is it? Speak your mind, my friend," he requested.

"Well...while I do not believe their claims are anything more than bluster...I am beginning to think that Snow White may be more useful alive, rather than dead," he said.

"How so?" Arawn inquired.

"Apollo was not wrong in the fact that her mother Persephone has quite the sway over the other Gods. The same can be said of the people about Snow White. They adore her. That has been made clear by how even intimidation from our soldiers did not get anyone to reveal her whereabouts," Frollo proposed.

"But Snow White would never side with us," he reminded.

"Of course not, but you do have control of her father's Throne now. As King, you would have the power to order her to marry whomever you choose for her. Royals from all over would clamor to marry the fairest of them all," Frollo countered. Arawn smirked.

"And to do so, they would offer up their Kingdoms in a merger," he surmised. Frollo nodded.

"She'd be merely a figurehead and is obviously as unruly as they come. But with a firm hand from someone like me and a suitable husband, she could be molded into the Queen we need to sway the people," Frollo mentioned.

"Hades and Persephone are still a problem though," Arawn reminded.

"This plan if far from a complete thought. There are details I have not yet worked out, but perhaps we should change her wanted posters and instruct she be brought to us alive," Frollo proposed.

"That makes it more difficult...but not impossible. Especially since we know there is a peasant boy out there somewhere that she loves," Arawn agreed.

"Who happens to be identical to George's son. Do you think either boy knows of the other?" Frollo asked.

"Doubtful...that's not something George would want to advertise, if he even knows himself. Whatever business transaction he participated in to get his brat was likely as shady as they come," Arawn commented. Frollo nodded in agreement.

"Do we tell Prince James and King George?" he inquired.

"Not yet...it might be useful information later on. I'd like to keep that one close to the vest, so to speak," Arawn responded. Frollo nodded obediently.

"Then we proceed with the invasion?" the Vizier asked.

"Yes...for now we place our plans for Snow White on hold. I have no idea that you are correct in your assessment that she may become useful to us. For now, we seize Midas' Kingdom. Once we have overtaken them, King Stefan, King Hubert, and Prince Eric's Kingdoms will fall easily enough," Arawn replied.

"And what of Arendelle? We know so little about it," Frollo stated.

"We remain cautious with it. There are closed gates there for a reason. But soon the first born Princess Elsa will come of age and she will be forced to open the gates for her coronation. That is when I will send Hans in," Arawn responded. Frollo nodded and left his King to prepare the armies for the coming invasion…

~*~

Snow arrived in her step-father's Throne room and gently pet Cerberus with affection, before noticing the sapling that had grown just after she had met David.

"Mother...where did you get this?" she asked, as she looked at the sapling that was now under glass.

"I extracted it for safekeeping once I came upon it while we were looking for you," Persephone responded.

"I didn't have time to think about what it might mean, because we had to run. But I know magic when I see it," she mentioned. Persephone smiled.

"It was the first spark of true love, sweetheart," she revealed Snow grinned and then bit her bottom lip.

"I knew what I felt for him...but it's nice to have it confirmed. I know that Nana always said I'd find true love...but I thought that wouldn't be the case anymore when I was framed for murder. I...I almost lost hope," Snow admitted. Persephone went to her daughter and hugged her tightly.

"Oh my little snowdrop...I am so sorry all this has happened to you," Persephone said, hating that there were things that not even she could protect her from.

"It's okay Mother...I almost lost hope, but then David came along. He's wonderful," Snow swooned. Persephone smiled and hugged her daughter.

"Handsome too," she mentioned, enjoying how her daughter's cheeks colored.

"I noticed," she muttered, as they watched Hades use his oracle with what could only be described as a troubled look.

"Is Papa Hades okay?" Snow asked.

"He'll be fine, sweetie. I'm afraid he's just worried...because he's about to get very busy," Persephone replied regrettably.

"Because of me," Snow said sadly.

"Absolutely not...none of this is your fault. A very evil man saw an opportunity to create chaos and seize power," Persephone admonished.

"She's right snowdrop," he agreed, as he turned and opened his arms, so he could hug them both close.

"But a lot of people are going to die, aren't they?" Snow asked.

"I'm afraid so," he told her honestly, as they watched Arawn's army march toward Midas' Kingdom.

~*~

David arrived home on horseback and saw all three of his parents on the porch of their house, looking as worried as he had ever seen them. Which was understandable, as he was three days late getting home.

"David!" Ruth cried, in a voice that was a cross between relief and scolding. She tackled him in a hug and he almost fell over when Mama Sera joined them. He met his father's eyes over them and sighed.

"I'm sorry...I promise I'm okay and that I have a very good reason for my lateness," he said.

"You had better. Do you know how worried we were? You can't disappear like that, David," Sera said fearfully. There was something behind her voice and David wondered if it had to do with her past, though she had no idea why. Surely they could never make any connections between him and his adoptive step-mother, but then he really didn't know a lot as she never wanted to talk about it.

"I'm sorry Mama...but maybe we could go inside," he suggested. They nodded and prodded him inside, though his parents hung back for a moment. Sera's hands shook in fear and Ruth clasped her hands with her own.

"He's okay…" she promised.

"I know...I just fear that we have to tell him soon. With war upon the Kingdoms...James will be traveling more. If he runs into him out there...George would have David killed on sight," Sera whispered.

"He won't...telling him can bring no good," Robert disagreed.

"How can you say that? He should know," Sera insisted.

"Our other son is about to fight a war and I know we're all scared. But telling David? What if he foolishly decides to rush off to meet his brother anyway and we lose two sons!" Robert hissed fearfully. Ruth sighed.

"He may be right...we should discuss this later," Ruth said, mediating what would be a heated argument between them. They agreed for the moment and followed their son back inside.

~*~

Arawn's vast army, led by a savage and blood-thirsty Deimos moved on Midas' Kingdom like a hoard of hungry locusts. Midas' own army was very large as well and the once gorgeous, mountains hills where Midas' Kingdom sat became a war ravaged landscape in a matter of hours. The blood of innocent soldiers simply defending their home soon littered the battlefield and the once clear, mountain springs ran red from bloodshed.

Midas' army presented a valiant and staunch resistance, but it was barely a day, before the castle was invaded. Frederick, Midas' most trusted Knight, tried to flee with Princess Abigail to get her to safety, but they were stopped. Midas presented his own defense and managed to turn several of Arawn's soldiers into gold with a simple touch. But the King was halted when Abigail and Fredrick's lives were threatened.

"You put up a valiant defense, Your Majesty. You should be proud of that. King George folded like a weeping willow," Deimos commented, as Frollo and Arawn entered the palace with grandiose. Frollo was carrying a peculiar looking gauntlet and Arawn nodded to him. Deimos held the struggling King, as Frollo placed the hand shaped gauntlet on the King. The device turned gold upon contact with Midas' skin, but then locked his hand down.

"Test it," Frollo ordered to Deimos. The God scoffed.

"I'm not doing it," he commented, as he grabbed one of his soldiers and thrust his face against the King's golden hand. And nothing happened, much to Abigail, Frederick, and most of all Midas' shock. Frollo smirked.

"Once again, as you can see, science is far superior to magic, Your Majesty. My creation has nullified your power. A power of which you are nothing without," Frollo boasted.

"I will never surrender to you!" Midas growled.

"You will...or your daughter and her lover will be executed now," Arawn threatened, as Deimos moved toward them.

"Wait!" Midas cried, as he looked at them sadly.

"I will surrender in exchange for my daughter's and Fredrick's lives," Midas relented. Arawn smirked.

"A good choice," he stated, as he looked at the prized new golden Throne that he had now added to his collection.

"Lord Deimos...assimilate the remainder of Midas' army into our own. You will lead them to King Stefan's Kingdom tomorrow," he ordered. Deimos smirked.

"Yes, Your Majesty," Deimos responded.

~*~

Persephone had never seen her husband quite so weary than she had in the last few days. It pained her to see her husband's Throne room so busy, as it meant that Arawn was committing senseless violence and slaughtering.

"All those people…" she heard Snow say from behind her. Persephone turned and hugged her close.

"I know sweetheart, but I promise that things will get better," she told her daughter, as she pulled her into her chambers.

"But Papa Hades, your father, and I all have something for you," she said, as there was an object covered with a sheet.

"What is it?" Snow asked, as she pulled off the sheet and found a beautiful looking glass beneath it.

"A looking glass?" Snow asked.

"An enchanted looking glass. Your father and your Nana are delivering the other mirror to David right now. So even though you cannot be together in person for a while, you can still talk," Persephone replied. Snow's eyes lit up and she hugged her mother.

"Oh Mother...thank you," Snow said gratefully. Persephone hugged her baby tightly.

"I know that magical looking glasses like this aren't easy to get, even for you and Papa Hades," Snow said.

"There is nothing your mother and I will not do for you, snowdrop," Hades interjected, as he joined them in a hug.

"Go on...I'm sure David has his looking glass by now," Persephone prodded, as they left their daughter to talk to her love, while they spent a few moments together.

"You're tired, my love...the souls can wait. Time is all they have, after all," she admonished, as she made him sit down for a moment.

"I know...most of them shouldn't even be here. They died for nothing," he mentioned.

"Damn Zeus…" she growled.

"This is what he wants. He wants to break me and take away my hope, but he will never do that to me again," he promised, as he pulled her down into his lap.

"Because I have love; something that he will never have. My family will ensure I am never broken by this station again," he promised. She smiled gently at him and kissed him passionately.

~*~

To say that Ruth and Sera were overjoyed and elated to discover that their son was in love was an understatement. His whole family had been enthralled by his tale of meeting a Princess and their journey to save her father. They weren't crazy about all the danger along the way, but they had to admit that they always knew that David was meant for more than a quiet life on the farm. They knew the restlessness in his youth had been because he was missing something in his life. And now they sensed a peace in him that they had not seen before. Ruth's ring had led her son to true love, after all, ultimately renewing her faith even more.

In the backs of their minds, they knew there was a real possibility of David discovering that he had a twin. But none of them knew exactly how to tell him about it. So they stalled once again, hoping that telling him would not become necessary. They met and welcomed Snow's father when he delivered a gift to David that would allow him to communicate with Snow during their separation too.

After staying with them for an evening, Eli moved on, telling them that he was heading east to lay low for the time being.

~*~

The months passed. The war raged. And the weariness grew among the people. It was clear that they needed saving from Arawn and his tyrannical rule. And Athena was clear that it would be true love that would save all the Kingdoms. She wasn't specific as to how, but Persephone knew that Snow and David were somehow integral in that. She suspected that the Dark One knew it too, for his saving of her daughter was more than just to make them even, she was sure of it and so was her husband. She supposed that he had a vested interest in seeing someone like Arawn taken down too though. They had just learned how Frollo had managed to invent a device to nullify Midas' magic, after all. If something could be developed to seal Midas' golden touch away, then that meant it was very likely that Frollo might find a way to suppress the magic in a person. Which was very bad news for all of them. Knowing that her daughter might somehow be key in defeating Arawn gave her a lot of anxiety too. But she knew that Snow and David were special; that their love was special. Which meant they would see and face evils and adversity like some never would.

As least they would not be alone in their battle though. Between the two of them, they had six loving parents that would be with them every step of the way. She had not met David's mothers or his father yet, but she knew they were good people that loved their son and would love her daughter, just as she would come to love their son as her own as well. Their family would stand on the front lines against Arawn and despite the fear that created, she knew that love would prevail. She only hoped that there wasn't too much sacrifice along the way.

At this very moment, her anxiety was in full force. It was fall and the leaves were beginning to turn. And Snow had gone to the surface for her first secretive rendezvous with David. The pair would reunite and travel east together so Snow could visit Eli as well. Her ex was living in the eastern mountain regions at the moment, quite secluded and safe. But she was still worried that they might run into trouble. Still, she was excited that her daughter was getting to see the man she loved at last. Despite the fact that a war was keeping them apart, she still had hope that love would win out.

~*~

David worked on repairing their fence that afternoon and his father had come to help him. He was proud of his dad these days, as Robert hadn't had a drink in years. He still gambled a bit more than David liked, but he seemed to be mostly in control of his addictions and for that he was proud of his dad.

"We're making good time on the fence. We might even be done by dinner," David mentioned. Robert smirked, as he had already noticed the young woman in the distance.

"I doubt it, because you're having something else to tend to right now. But that's okay. The fence can wait," he replied. David's brow furrowed, as he looked ahead to what his father was seeing and his eyes widened in surprise.

"Snow…" he uttered. Robert chuckled in amusement, as his son cleared the fence in one easy leap and ran to the raven haired beauty, dressed in an airy white dress, as she waited for him in the meadow beside her unicorn.

"Snow...you're here…" he exclaimed, as he picked her up in his arms and spun her around. She giggled and relished being in his arms again.

"Mother and Papa Hades said it should be safe for a few days. Arawn is moving toward King Hubert's Kingdom and they're much further south now," she mentioned. He grinned at her and their lips met passionately.

"I missed you so much…" he confessed and she caressed his handsome face.

"I missed you too, my love," she whispered to him, as she clung desperately to him. They had gone months and being able to talk to each other had been a blessing. But they had parted each night wishing and longing to hold each other.

By then, David's mothers had come out of the house and joined his father at the fence.

"I think I'd like to finally meet them in person," Snow mentioned. She had talked to all of them through the enchanted looking glass and his mothers already adored Snow, just as she adored them. He took her hand and led her over to the fence, helping her over it.

"Oh Snow...it so good to finally meet you in person," Ruth gushed. Snow smiled and hugged her back.

"It's so good to meet you too...all of you," she said, as Robert and Sera both greeted her as well.

"Dinner will be ready in a couple hours. Why don't you and David enjoy a ride in the meadow on your unicorn," Sera suggested. David smiled and took her hand.

"That sounds like a great idea," he agreed. Snow smiled, as they mounted Stardust together, with David riding in front at Snow's insistence. She put her arms around him and leaned her head against his back, as Stardust galloped off into the meadow. Snow relished the thrumming of his heartbeat. David took them further into the meadow and along the outskirts of the forest until they came upon a small lagoon with a waterfall.

"Oh David...this is beautiful…" she marveled, as he dismounted and then helped her down. He knew she was perfectly capable of getting down herself, but he simply wanted her in his arms and she wanted the same.

"I know...it's kind of a hidden gem. I've been wanting to share it with you," he replied, as he held her close and they gazed at each other. But now that they were completely alone, all politeness was gone and their lips crashed together with wanton desperation.

"I love you…" David uttered, as she pressed her forehead against his.

"I love you too...my Charming," she said with a bright smile, using a name that she had coined for him after he had saved her life so many times. He looked down shyly.

"I keep telling you I'm not a prince," he reminded.

"No...but you're my prince," she purred, as she kissed him again and the way she said that, with love in her voice and a touch of possessiveness, made him feel hot all over. He smiled at her, as their lips parted.

"And I want to be with you...eternally. I know that we're young and we can't be together all the time yet, but I know this is true love," he said. Snow smiled.

"I know it is too and someday, we won't have to be separated at all," she assured.

"Until then...I want to put this on your finger. I have since the troll bridge when I realized I was in love with you," he said. She gasped, as he got down on one knee.

"Will you marry me...someday?" he asked and she bit her bottom lip.

"What do you think?" she teased, as she held out her hand and he slipped the ring on her finger, before standing up and taking her in his arms again. Their lips met passionately again and they lost themselves in each other once again...

[cutiepasta-thewriter]

Parent trap au

Peter has a semi-identical twin brother named Pierce. They have the same face but Peter has freckles and Pierce doesn't. Pierce also has dirty blond hair and Peter had chestnut brown hair. They both however have the same hazel doe eyes that held so much hope and innocence.

So they weren't perfect mirror twins but they were brothers and while Pierce was the bolder older brother he was also the dependent one. He was lost without Peter's calming presence. Peter was on the other hand lived on his twins shadow, he had no interest in changing that either.

Unfortunately when Pierce and his parents where driving to the air port there was a accident. Each of them where presumed dead and Peter he wasn't with them. The four year old was staying with his aunt and uncle because he caught the flu and couldn't go on the trip with his family.

Ironically, the family was going to cancel the trip and turn back instead because they couldn't really leave their son alone.

Their car was hit due to an officer redirecting traffic when they where making a turn around the corner. The result was not only both cars crashing but a third rear ending the first killing the Parkers on impact. The driver sandwiched in between bother cars was none other then Doctor Stephen Strange who later watched half conscious as paramedics pryed open a back door and pulled a bleeding child from the back seat.

I was impossible for the Doctor to forget the that night. He could only see the blood soaked boy being wrapped up carried off to one of the ambulances before they retrieved the mangled corpses of his family. Stephen did even know if the kid lived.

Surgery after surgery did nothing for the hotshot doctor. He had to find alternative practices in medicine. You know how that part of the story goes but what you don't know is that Stephen returned to the hospital to see what happened to the family he destroyed. He was thankful that the boy had actually survived but was shocked to find out that the boy was sent to foster care because they couldn't find a next of kin. The boy couldn't tell them either since they boy was not only mute but had amnesia. The accident had damaged the kid's brain quite a bit and while physically the boy can speak his brain can't connect the words to his mouth.

Nothing about the kid's parents could be found either. The record on them had been stripped clean, they didn't exist anymore.

So the nameless, mute, amnesiac child was staying at the hospital until they found a home for him after recovery.

The child was later adopted a few months later, by Stephen. The boy was renamed Sterling Strange. It meant valuable and pure in its modern form but its old English origins meant 'Little Star'.(Stephen read through twenty baby name books before finding the perfect match)

Stephen raised Sterling in the sanctum and was determined to teach him how to speak again and how to use ASL. Sign language was challenging since using his hands was hard for the warlock but he has Wong around to help.

Sterling knew about what happened to his family but never blamed Stephen for it. He loved his wizard dad and wouldn't change it for the world.

In New York a similar story was told as a Peter had adjusted to a life with out his parents and brother. On the anniversary of the accident his aunt and uncle cheered him up with tickets to the Stark expo. But like curse or a blessing it was attacked. Iron man himself had saved Peter's life and shielded him from the blasts. After it was all over Mr. Stark help him find his aunt and uncle.

Later that year there when financial troubles and they were faced with a hard decision. Peter was technically a foster child in the eyes of the state, mostly because they wanted him to have parents again and not just a aunt and uncle. This way May and Ben could also have a say in who Peter ended up with. They didn't want to lose their other nefew to a terrible family. Unfortunately they had to consider sending Peter to live in a different foster home for a bit until everything was sorted.

Peter was more then a little scared, he didn't want to be alone. So, in one of his weekly letters he sent to his hero Tony Stark he talked about what was wrong.

Tony unlike what you'd expect actually did read the letters. They were usually about what Lego sets the kid built or how good he did in class that day. The inventor kept the letters all over the house from his office desk to his work bench. Something about reading them always gave him the energy to go the extra mile. Heck, he even had a few of Peter's tests hung on his fridge.

So, the billionaire got involved. After many talks with the Parkers he knew they would never take money from him but they did agree to something else.

Soon enough Peter Parker became Peter Stark and May and Ben went back to working full time.

Tony learned that is wasn't going to be easy taking care of Peter.

The night of the accident Peter fever shot up quickly in his sleep. It caused a lot of damage to his respiratory system, it left Peter with bad asthma as well has a weakened immune system. There are some truly frightening times when Peter catches a cold and has a seizure. Thankfully Tony can afford the medical treatments and medications Peter needed to increase his immune response.

It was worst it of course Peter was the light of his life and he spoiled the kid as much as possible. He was a better father then his own as he watched star wars and help build robots with his son.

But then came that fateful day when the two boy where dropped off at camp. It was a camp for young upperclass geniuses. For children born and bred for greatness.

Tony cheated Peter's bag over and over again to make sure he had his inhaler. Peter watched as a bunch of kids stared as them. He hoped that no one at the camp treated him differently because of his last name. He hated being treated like some kind of celebrity by people his age because they always try to take advantage of him or talk behind his back.

On the other side of the drop off point Sterling and his father went over the rules. No magic, no fighting, no talking about magic, and play nice with the other kids. Sterling knew almost immediately that he was very different from the other kids. His robes where the first sign. In Kamar-Taj they were normal but he knew the outside world was a very different place. Stephen assured Sterling would be fine, as far as anyone could tell he was one of the foreign students from Nepal.

It was during a chess competition between cabins when the boys met. They where evenly matched the entire game until Sterling got bored and switched the rook and the bishop when no one was looking. Peter immediately called him out causing an argument.

This resulted into an all-out war between the boys. Peter would make fun of the blond's posh British accent when he was supposedly from india. Sterling believed Peter was a spoiled rich kid that couldn't take a joke.

Eventually the boys where forced to stay in a cabin together until they got along after a few too many pranks.

The boy eventually found out more and more about each other's pasts. Like that they were both adopted, they had the same birthday, and that both their parents died in a car crash. Peter admitted that he had a twin brother who died as well.

When Sterling signed/asked what he was like Peter shifted uncomfortably before saying his brother had blond hair and freckles like Sterling.

Sterling admitted that he lost his memory after the accident.

Peter thought for a moment before saying that his brother had a star shaped birth mark on the back of his neck. And upon inspection Sterling had it. Proof his bother was alive.

Sterling didn't know what to think. He wanted to know where he came from but he didn't know how to begin.

The boys came up with an admittedly stupid idea but two bottles of hair dye and a haircut later there they were.

The newly reunited twins wanted to see the other's life and this was their chance.

Sterling helped his brother learn sign language as well as how to navigate the sanctum. He also needed to tell Peter about magic and how to start using it. Thankfully, Sterling didn't know too much yet. Peter also needed to know how to speak in a British accent.

Peter laughed everytime he had to say telly instead of tv. It was also hilarious to see Sterling try to pronounce penguin.

On the other hand Peter had to teach his brother about New York and how to get around happy. He needed to make sure Rodney didn't catch on, he had the eyes of a hawk. Also Sterling needed to learn Italian since it was something he spoke exclusively with his dad and aunt when they where alone.

At the end of camp the boys had ended swapped places as they met their 'dads'.

For weeks they spent time getting to know their other parents.

Peter was in awe of the pure beauty of the sanctum and exploring the temples. Learning about relics and reading the ancient books in the library was insanely fascinating.

Sterling stared out at the city from the penthouse home. Looking down at the all the people going about their day was mesmerizeing. The city was alive and constantly moving and changing. Kamar-Taj seemed almost small in comparison.

Getting to know the fathers they had never met was another thing entirely.

Stephen worked tirelessly to help his son speak and when Peter who had no difficulty doing so did, the wizard had so much joy in his eyes.

The same went for Sterling as he had no trouble when it came to being active and had no need for an inhaler. Tony had lost hope of ever seeing his son run and play like a normal child but this was unbelievable.

Both boys felt guilty for what they where doing. They where tricking the people they cared about most and giving false hope to their guardians.

So they had to reveal themselves, the lies had to stop somewhere.

Stephen broke down when he heard the truth. He had no idea Sterling had a brother. He had not only orphaned two boys but he took one of them away. He should have tried harder to find his family. He shouldn't have separated them. He apologized over and over again as the boy hugged him. Peter didn't care what happened, he was just glad his brother had someone so caring in his life even if he wasn't in it.

"I should have help you too. He needed you more." Stephen whispered as he ran has hand through the boy's fake blond hair.

Tony had to hold back tears as he realized what this meant. He would listen to Peter's endless stories about his brother on nights he couldn't sleep or had nightmares about that night. Sometimes he really wished he could have just adopted both boys or at least have met Pierce. That way Peter could at have had someone else to grieve like he did. But to have that brother stand right in front of him m, it was a miracle. To know that Peter wasn't alone, it made things so much lighter.

"You look just like him. It's not a bad thing but I think I prefer your natural look." Tony said tears running down his face as he swiped the pale makeup off Sterling's nose so reveal a cluster of freckles underneath.

There came the time when both families had to switch their twins back but as soon as they met again the boy refused to be separated. They loved their fathers but they where brothers and they weren't going anywhere without the other.

The fathers had their hands tied so they had to work out a system.

At first the twin constantly changed houses but Stephen made a portal that linked the homes so everyone could come and go as they pleased. It resulted in what felt like one large home that didn't exist in a single place. The children got to explore a whole new world and the adults where at ease that they didn't lose theirs sons but gained another.

They co-parented like champs but Tony was still quick to spoil his twins. Stephen was still the fun dad though.

They became a happy family and yes they lived happily ever after.

[lucille-goosille]

Suicides - Guy de Maupassant

To Georges Legrand.

Hardly a day goes by without our reading a news item like the following in some newspaper:

"On Wednesday night the people living in No. 40 Rue de——-, were awakened by two successive shots. The explosions seemed to come from the apartment occupied by M. X——. The door was broken in and the man was found bathed in his blood, still holding in one hand the revolver with which he had taken his life.

"M. X——was fifty-seven years of age, enjoying a comfortable income, and had everything necessary to make him happy. No cause can be found for his action."

What terrible grief, what unknown suffering, hidden despair, secret wounds drive these presumably happy persons to suicide? We search, we imagine tragedies of love, we suspect financial troubles, and, as we never find anything definite, we apply to these deaths the word "mystery."

A letter found on the desk of one of these "suicides without cause," and written during his last night, beside his loaded revolver, has come into our hands. We deem it rather interesting. It reveals none of those great catastrophes which we always expect to find behind these acts of despair; but it shows us the slow succession of the little vexations of life, the disintegration of a lonely existence, whose dreams have disappeared; it gives the reason for these tragic ends, which only nervous and high-strung people can understand.

Here it is:

"It is midnight. When I have finished this letter I shall kill myself. Why? I shall attempt to give the reasons, not for those who may read these lines, but for myself, to kindle my waning courage, to impress upon myself the fatal necessity of this act which can, at best, be only deferred.

"I was brought up by simple-minded parents who were unquestioning believers. And I believed as they did.

"My dream lasted a long time. The last veil has just been torn from my eyes.

"During the last few years a strange change has been taking place within me. All the events of Life, which formerly had to me the glow of a beautiful sunset, are now fading away. The true meaning of things has appeared to me in its brutal reality; and the true reason for love has bred in me disgust even for this poetic sentiment: 'We are the eternal toys of foolish and charming illusions, which are always being renewed.'

"On growing older, I had become partly reconciled to the awful mystery of life, to the uselessness of effort; when the emptiness of everything appeared to me in a new light, this evening, after dinner.

"Formerly, I was happy! Everything pleased me: the passing women, the appearance of the streets, the place where I lived; and I even took an interest in the cut of my clothes. But the repetition of the same sights has had the result of filling my heart with weariness and disgust, just as one would feel were one to go every night to the same theatre.

"For the last thirty years I have been rising at the same hour; and, at the same restaurant, for thirty years, I have been eating at the same hours the same dishes brought me by different waiters.

"I have tried travel. The loneliness which one feels in strange places terrified me. I felt so alone, so small on the earth that I quickly started on my homeward journey.

"But here the unchanging expression of my furniture, which has stood for thirty years in the same place, the smell of my apartments (for, with time, each dwelling takes on a particular odor) each night, these and other things disgust me and make me sick of living thus.

"Everything repeats itself endlessly. The way in which I put my key in the lock, the place where I always find my matches, the first object which meets my eye when I enter the room, make me feel like jumping out of the window and putting an end to those monotonous events from which we can never escape.

"Each day, when I shave, I feel an inordinate desire to cut my throat; and my face, which I see in the little mirror, always the same, with soap on my cheeks, has several times made me weak from sadness.

"Now I even hate to be with people whom I used to meet with pleasure; I know them so well, I can tell just what they are going to say and what I am going to answer. Each brain is like a circus, where the same horse keeps circling around eternally. We must circle round always, around the same ideas, the same joys, the same pleasures, the same habits, the same beliefs, the same sensations of disgust.

"The fog was terrible this evening. It enfolded the boulevard, where the street lights were dimmed and looked like smoking candles. A heavier weight than usual oppressed me. Perhaps my digestion was bad.

"For good digestion is everything in life. It gives the inspiration to the artist, amorous desires to young people, clear ideas to thinkers, the joy of life to everybody, and it also allows one to eat heartily (which is one of the greatest pleasures). A sick stomach induces scepticism unbelief, nightmares and the desire for death. I have often noticed this fact. Perhaps I would not kill myself, if my digestion had been good this evening.

"When I sat down in the arm-chair where I have been sitting every day for thirty years, I glanced around me, and just then I was seized by such a terrible distress that I thought I must go mad.

"I tried to think of what I could do to run away from myself. Every occupation struck me as being worse even than inaction. Then I bethought me of putting my papers in order.

"For a long time I have been thinking of clearing out my drawers; for, for the last thirty years, I have been throwing my letters and bills pell-mell into the same desk, and this confusion has often caused me considerable trouble. But I feel such moral and physical laziness at the sole idea of putting anything in order that I have never had the courage to begin this tedious business.

"I therefore opened my desk, intending to choose among my old papers and destroy the majority of them.

"At first I was bewildered by this array of documents, yellowed by age, then I chose one.

"Oh! if you cherish life, never disturb the burial place of old letters!

"And if, perchance, you should, take the contents by the handful, close your eyes that you may not read a word, so that you may not recognize some forgotten handwriting which may plunge you suddenly into a sea of memories; carry these papers to the fire; and when they are in ashes, crush them to an invisible powder, or otherwise you are lost—just as I have been lost for an hour.

"The first letters which I read did not interest me greatly. They were recent, and came from living men whom I still meet quite often, and whose presence does not move me to any great extent. But all at once one envelope made me start. My name was traced on it in a large, bold handwriting; and suddenly tears came to my eyes. That letter was from my dearest friend, the companion of my youth, the confidant of my hopes; and he appeared before me so clearly, with his pleasant smile and his hand outstretched, that a cold shiver ran down my back. Yes, yes, the dead come back, for I saw him! Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist.

"With trembling hand and dimmed eyes I reread everything that he told me, and in my poor sobbing heart I felt a wound so painful that I began to groan as a man whose bones are slowly being crushed.

"Then I travelled over my whole life, just as one travels along a river. I recognized people, so long forgotten that I no longer knew their names. Their faces alone lived in me. In my mother's letters I saw again the old servants, the shape of our house and the little insignificant odds and ends which cling to our minds.

"Yes, I suddenly saw again all my mother's old gowns, the different styles which she adopted and the several ways in which she dressed her hair. She haunted me especially in a silk dress, trimmed with old lace; and I remembered something she said one day when she was wearing this dress. She said: 'Robert, my child, if you do not stand up straight you will be round-shouldered all your life.'

"Then, opening another drawer, I found myself face to face with memories of tender passions: a dancing-pump, a torn handkerchief, even a garter, locks of hair and dried flowers. Then the sweet romances of my life, whose living heroines are now white-haired, plunged me into the deep melancholy of things. Oh, the young brows where blond locks curl, the caress of the hands, the glance which speaks, the hearts which beat, that smile which promises the lips, those lips which promise the embrace! And the first kiss-that endless kiss which makes you close your eyes, which drowns all thought in the immeasurable joy of approaching possession!

"Taking these old pledges of former love in both my hands, I covered them with furious caresses, and in my soul, torn by these memories, I saw them each again at the hour of surrender; and I suffered a torture more cruel than all the tortures invented in all the fables about hell.

"One last letter remained. It was written by me and dictated fifty years ago by my writing teacher. Here it is:

  "'MY DEAR LITTLE MAMMA:

  "'I am seven years old to-day. It is the age of reason. I take   advantage of it to thank you for having brought me into this world.

  "'Your little son, who loves you

                   "'ROBERT.'

"It is all over. I had gone back to the beginning, and suddenly I turned my glance on what remained to me of life. I saw hideous and lonely old age, and approaching infirmities, and everything over and gone. And nobody near me!

"My revolver is here, on the table. I am loading it.... Never reread your old letters!"

And that is how many men come to kill themselves; and we search in vain to discover some great sorrow in their lives.

[ca-chuoi]

Suicides - Guy de Maupassant

To Georges Legrand.

Hardly a day goes by without our reading a news item like the following in some newspaper:

“On Wednesday night the people living in No. 40 Rue de——-, were awakened by two successive shots. The explosions seemed to come from the apartment occupied by M. X——. The door was broken in and the man was found bathed in his blood, still holding in one hand the revolver with which he had taken his life.

"M. X——was fifty-seven years of age, enjoying a comfortable income, and had everything necessary to make him happy. No cause can be found for his action.”

What terrible grief, what unknown suffering, hidden despair, secret wounds drive these presumably happy persons to suicide? We search, we imagine tragedies of love, we suspect financial troubles, and, as we never find anything definite, we apply to these deaths the word “mystery.”

A letter found on the desk of one of these “suicides without cause,” and written during his last night, beside his loaded revolver, has come into our hands. We deem it rather interesting. It reveals none of those great catastrophes which we always expect to find behind these acts of despair; but it shows us the slow succession of the little vexations of life, the disintegration of a lonely existence, whose dreams have disappeared; it gives the reason for these tragic ends, which only nervous and high-strung people can understand.

Here it is:

“It is midnight. When I have finished this letter I shall kill myself. Why? I shall attempt to give the reasons, not for those who may read these lines, but for myself, to kindle my waning courage, to impress upon myself the fatal necessity of this act which can, at best, be only deferred.

"I was brought up by simple-minded parents who were unquestioning believers. And I believed as they did.

"My dream lasted a long time. The last veil has just been torn from my eyes.

"During the last few years a strange change has been taking place within me. All the events of Life, which formerly had to me the glow of a beautiful sunset, are now fading away. The true meaning of things has appeared to me in its brutal reality; and the true reason for love has bred in me disgust even for this poetic sentiment: ‘We are the eternal toys of foolish and charming illusions, which are always being renewed.’

"On growing older, I had become partly reconciled to the awful mystery of life, to the uselessness of effort; when the emptiness of everything appeared to me in a new light, this evening, after dinner.

"Formerly, I was happy! Everything pleased me: the passing women, the appearance of the streets, the place where I lived; and I even took an interest in the cut of my clothes. But the repetition of the same sights has had the result of filling my heart with weariness and disgust, just as one would feel were one to go every night to the same theatre.

"For the last thirty years I have been rising at the same hour; and, at the same restaurant, for thirty years, I have been eating at the same hours the same dishes brought me by different waiters.

"I have tried travel. The loneliness which one feels in strange places terrified me. I felt so alone, so small on the earth that I quickly started on my homeward journey.

"But here the unchanging expression of my furniture, which has stood for thirty years in the same place, the smell of my apartments (for, with time, each dwelling takes on a particular odor) each night, these and other things disgust me and make me sick of living thus.

"Everything repeats itself endlessly. The way in which I put my key in the lock, the place where I always find my matches, the first object which meets my eye when I enter the room, make me feel like jumping out of the window and putting an end to those monotonous events from which we can never escape.

"Each day, when I shave, I feel an inordinate desire to cut my throat; and my face, which I see in the little mirror, always the same, with soap on my cheeks, has several times made me weak from sadness.

"Now I even hate to be with people whom I used to meet with pleasure; I know them so well, I can tell just what they are going to say and what I am going to answer. Each brain is like a circus, where the same horse keeps circling around eternally. We must circle round always, around the same ideas, the same joys, the same pleasures, the same habits, the same beliefs, the same sensations of disgust.

"The fog was terrible this evening. It enfolded the boulevard, where the street lights were dimmed and looked like smoking candles. A heavier weight than usual oppressed me. Perhaps my digestion was bad.

"For good digestion is everything in life. It gives the inspiration to the artist, amorous desires to young people, clear ideas to thinkers, the joy of life to everybody, and it also allows one to eat heartily (which is one of the greatest pleasures). A sick stomach induces scepticism unbelief, nightmares and the desire for death. I have often noticed this fact. Perhaps I would not kill myself, if my digestion had been good this evening.

"When I sat down in the arm-chair where I have been sitting every day for thirty years, I glanced around me, and just then I was seized by such a terrible distress that I thought I must go mad.

"I tried to think of what I could do to run away from myself. Every occupation struck me as being worse even than inaction. Then I bethought me of putting my papers in order.

"For a long time I have been thinking of clearing out my drawers; for, for the last thirty years, I have been throwing my letters and bills pell-mell into the same desk, and this confusion has often caused me considerable trouble. But I feel such moral and physical laziness at the sole idea of putting anything in order that I have never had the courage to begin this tedious business.

"I therefore opened my desk, intending to choose among my old papers and destroy the majority of them.

"At first I was bewildered by this array of documents, yellowed by age, then I chose one.

"Oh! if you cherish life, never disturb the burial place of old letters!

"And if, perchance, you should, take the contents by the handful, close your eyes that you may not read a word, so that you may not recognize some forgotten handwriting which may plunge you suddenly into a sea of memories; carry these papers to the fire; and when they are in ashes, crush them to an invisible powder, or otherwise you are lost—just as I have been lost for an hour.

"The first letters which I read did not interest me greatly. They were recent, and came from living men whom I still meet quite often, and whose presence does not move me to any great extent. But all at once one envelope made me start. My name was traced on it in a large, bold handwriting; and suddenly tears came to my eyes. That letter was from my dearest friend, the companion of my youth, the confidant of my hopes; and he appeared before me so clearly, with his pleasant smile and his hand outstretched, that a cold shiver ran down my back. Yes, yes, the dead come back, for I saw him! Our memory is a more perfect world than the universe: it gives back life to those who no longer exist.

"With trembling hand and dimmed eyes I reread everything that he told me, and in my poor sobbing heart I felt a wound so painful that I began to groan as a man whose bones are slowly being crushed.

"Then I travelled over my whole life, just as one travels along a river. I recognized people, so long forgotten that I no longer knew their names. Their faces alone lived in me. In my mother’s letters I saw again the old servants, the shape of our house and the little insignificant odds and ends which cling to our minds.

"Yes, I suddenly saw again all my mother’s old gowns, the different styles which she adopted and the several ways in which she dressed her hair. She haunted me especially in a silk dress, trimmed with old lace; and I remembered something she said one day when she was wearing this dress. She said: 'Robert, my child, if you do not stand up straight you will be round-shouldered all your life.’

"Then, opening another drawer, I found myself face to face with memories of tender passions: a dancing-pump, a torn handkerchief, even a garter, locks of hair and dried flowers. Then the sweet romances of my life, whose living heroines are now white-haired, plunged me into the deep melancholy of things. Oh, the young brows where blond locks curl, the caress of the hands, the glance which speaks, the hearts which beat, that smile which promises the lips, those lips which promise the embrace! And the first kiss-that endless kiss which makes you close your eyes, which drowns all thought in the immeasurable joy of approaching possession!

"Taking these old pledges of former love in both my hands, I covered them with furious caresses, and in my soul, torn by these memories, I saw them each again at the hour of surrender; and I suffered a torture more cruel than all the tortures invented in all the fables about hell.

"One last letter remained. It was written by me and dictated fifty years ago by my writing teacher. Here it is:

 ”'MY DEAR LITTLE MAMMA:

 “'I am seven years old to-day. It is the age of reason. I take  advantage of it to thank you for having brought me into this world.

 ”'Your little son, who loves you

                  "'ROBERT.’

“It is all over. I had gone back to the beginning, and suddenly I turned my glance on what remained to me of life. I saw hideous and lonely old age, and approaching infirmities, and everything over and gone. And nobody near me!

"My revolver is here, on the table. I am loading it…. Never reread your old letters!”

And that is how many men come to kill themselves; and we search in vain to discover some great sorrow in their lives.

[mousou-note]

Voltron MCU/Avengers AU

Ok, so *cracks fingers* let’s do this. I love Marvel, I love Voltron, and I have no self-control. I blame Kat for encouraging me.

@keiths-stupid-mullet, you look at this I wrote all this down on your request.

⋆ Everyone is more or less the same age, and in their 20s/30s, which means open shipping and no discourse. The “Shiro is older but not really” aspect comes from the fact that he was frozen into a Capsicle since WW2.

All of it under the cut.

Shiro as Captain America: The level-headed leader with his morals in the right place, and a load of trauma from the war. He struggles with getting back to the world after being a Capsicle for a few decades, and waking up to find that everyone he once loved is already gone.

Pidge as Iron Woman: Genius, billionaire, nerd, conspiracy theorist. Her parents die in a suspicious car crash in the middle of nowhere, her brother is abducted by aliens, and she has to take over the family business, while she tries to find Matt and the truth behind the accident that killed her parents.

Hunk as Hulk: usually the most gentle and smart scientist you’ll ever meet, you bet he couldn’t hurt a fly, has long complicated talks with Pidge about science-y stuff. But once you hurt him or his friends, you’re in for a giant green monster kicking your ass.

Lance as Hawkeye: in the middle of a ragtag band of super powered friends (and a super spy who’s a complete mystery and seems so much better than him at everything), Lance is just... very good at shooting arrows. You can see where his insecurities would come from here, and he makes up for them with a lot of flirting and bravado. His morals aren’t as clear-cut as Shiro’s, but his heart is in the right place. Will always stand up for his friends and family.

Keith as Black Widow: badass super spy of unknown origin, has a hard time trusting and getting closer to people. Doesn’t know much about his parents, just that his father was involved in the Captain America project (as Professor Abraham Erskine – he made the Super Soldier formula. Shiro knows this but Keith doesn’t). Was raised in S.H.I.E.L.D. as an asset more than as a person, and has a severe case of emotional constipation. Has no idea why Lance seems to hate him so much, but finds the rivalry to be strangely comforting.

Allura as Thor: Sent by her father (Alfor/Odin) to Earth to earn the right to wield Mjolnir again, Allura isn’t in Asgard/Altea when Lotor/Loki, her adopted brother, finds out his origin and brings his real parents and their army to destroy the place he once called home. Unlike in the MCU, here they succeed. Allura has just recovered her powers when Coran appears at Earth and tells her the whole story, and that Zarkon and Lotor will probably be coming for Earth next, for her. She swears revenge, but first she needs to protect earth and find the Infinity Gems.

Coran as Dr. Selvig: Sent by Alfor down to Earth to keep an eye on Allura, and make sure she recovers the Mjolnir and completes it with the Infinity Gems to defeat Zarkon. Knows a lot about a bunch of things.

The Blade of Marmora as S.H.I.E.L.D.

Kolivan as Nick Fury: Badass leader of a slightly dubious organisation? Check. Antok would be that woman who acts as his assistant of sorts.

Thace as Agent Coulson: The main support for the Avengers team, who dies in a confront with Loki/Lotor. His death gives the team motivation to unite and bring an end to Loki/Lotor’s plans.

Ulaz as Winter Soldier: we all know this role was perfect for Shiro, but then Keith would have to be Captain America and that’s just plain wrong, so we again tweaked things a bit. Maybe Hydra would be like, the Garrison, and they had contact with Druid tech and so they made all their weapons and stuff. Ulaz is brainwashed and corrupted by their tech and stuff, but manages to recover in the end.

Matt as Rocket Raccoon: Remember he was abducted by aliens? He had to find a way to escape the evil aliens, and has formed a ragtag resistance with some other not-so-good-but-better aliens, and they have been doing what they can to save the galaxy. Groot is a robot he builds with Olkari alien biotech.

Rolo as Starlord: raised by Ravagers, his morals certainly aren’t in the right place, but he’s still on the side of the resistance... and doing much better at this since Matt joined him.

Nyma as Gamora: hot alien girl with some nice fighting skill and dubious moral code. It works.

Shay as Drax: So, not the violent type, but very strong and innocent. Thanos and his army destroyed her home planet and she seeks revenge.

Zarkon as Thanos: A powerful and greedy entity who wishes to rule the entire universe. Wants the Infinity Gems to help achieve this objective. The Galra Empire would be the Chitauri here.

Haggar: Thanos’ faithful sidekick. For plot purposes, we are tweaking that around and making her (along with the rest of the druids) a Frost Giant, hence Lotor, her child with Zarkon (in this AU, who knows whose child he is in canon), is also a Frost Giant and they have a bone to pick with Asgard/Altea.

Lotor as Loki: there’s a conflict between Asgard/Altea and the Frost Giants/Druids + Chitauri/Galra + Thanos/Zarkon. Asgard emerges victorious in one of their battles and Alfor ends up finding and adopting baby Lotor, and raising him as Asgardian/Altean and his son, but clearly favours Allura over him. When Lotor finds out, he joins with his father and mother to bring an end to Asgard/Altea. Different from the Marvel version, here they succeed, and only Allura escapes the fate of her people due to being on Earth on her quest to get back her right to wield Mjolnir.

Voltron as the Infinity Gems: we’re tweaking things a bit again here, but we can make the Infinity Gems Asgardian/Altean, and instead of the Infinity Gauntlet, we could have slots for them in Allura’s Mjolnir, which would be the only way to defeat Zarkon/Thanos and his army. Alfor/Odin would have split the stones from the hammer, thrown Mjolnir and Allura to Earth so she could learn to be worthy of it, and the gems would find people worthy of them.

Conveniently for the plot, each of the gems would find one of the Paladins/Avengers: Shiro gets the Time Gem, Keith the Space Gem, Pidge the Mind Gem, Hunk the Power Gem, Lance the Soul Gem and Matt (!) the Reality Gem.

 Ok, now that we have our characters settled, let’s go for the actual plot.

 For the first Avengers, Lotor finds out Allura is on Earth, and comes to build a portal so Zarkon’s forces can come and lay the planet to waste. Kolivan needs to assemble a team to stop him. Pretty much the same plot as the original movie, we just might have to tweak some people placement, and Pidge doesn’t have Stark’s ego. Also, there might be some kind of tension between Keith and Shiro, from the later knowing about the other’s origins. And because I love the whole idea of Keith being half-evil-alien, and in Norse mythology not ALL giants are evil, Keith’s mom could be a Frost Giant who somehow fell in love and... bred with a human. There might be some glitch about Lotor’s sceptre that makes it that only a Frost Giant could use it, and... Keith can. That’s how at the end he manages to use the sceptre to dismantle the device and close the portal.

Lotor manages to escape, though, because we don’t have an Asgard that Allura can take him to, and he’ll probably need to appear again later.

So they have solved the problem for now, but Zarkon still isn’t defeated for good, and he’s still after the Infinity Gems. So he and his army have to take the long way to Earth, and that gives them time to get all the Infinity Gems, including the one with Matt, and set it in the Mjolnir. At the end, they manage to defeat Zarkon and his army and it’s a happy end.

In the meantime, before they assemble the Gems with the hammer and defeat Zarkon, we get Ultron... which is Pidge’s tech corrupted by druid tech, so it’s basically a Robeast.

Alright, I basically came up with all of this today, so excuse minor mistakes and not-so-carefully-thought-out details. I may or may not decide to write something on it eventually, but I don’t really want to because it sounds troublesome (and also I have like 300 WIPs as it is) so if someone else does it I’ll be relieved to be honest.

Thanks for reading! If anyone is interested in me doing this for the SpiderKeith AU, let me know! I have that one pretty much all thought out too.

Yami out! *salute*