#a bit like Gollum with a C but if you were trying to say it as one syllable

[elodieunderglass]

I can't resist bothering you with more questions. I'm sorry! I want to put Killie in a basket and carry him around with me like a purse dog. Did Charlie always know that he wasn't going to be a horse pilot forever and that he would find a way out of his family's net, or was he never going to escape if him being kicked out hadn't forced him into it? My heart breaks for him a bit, even though he seems the most well-adjusted person in that family. How old was he when he ended up on his own?

(In reference to Killie the jockey OC, crown prince of a horse-obsessed family, and his identical twin brother Charlie, who was disowned/ escaped the orbit of the Horse Planet)

You are never a bother. Nobody could be anything but grateful to have such insightful, brave, witty and inspiring people to talk about their OCs with! Are you kidding?

That’s such a good and deep question - I don’t think that Charlie knows the answer himself. He certainly was quite a talented apprentice jockey. In terms of his place in the family, his parents and siblings all adored him - he is warm and charming and funny - and thought they understood him. He has that special child-of-rotten-parents survival-mode sensitivity to reading a room, that in Charlie translates into useful skills, like “changing the mood of the room” and “sensing what people want him to say”.

But Charlie has a strong sense of identity, and with it, a hard internal limit on personal sacrifice; there are parts of Charlie you can’t have.

And despite being a fifth-generation jockey of impeccable pedigree, the whole “stoic, fearless, impervious to pain” thing appears to be a state of mind - not a physiology thing, but a mental one, engendered by passion for the sport. Charlie has had passages of his life where he’s carried off the Jockey Constitution (TM), but a problem with armouring yourself with a mental state is that if you are an especially clever little liar yourself, like Charlie, you catch on to the trick.

And the sport is inextricable from the horses in their family. So Charlie stormed out (was thrown out) of both family and sport… but I think he does like horses and he was good at it. And it would’ve been hard, in that family, in that immersive and passionate world, to break out naturally - especially when you are so beautifully built for it. It would again come down to Charlie’s strong sense of self.

I think a lot of his sense of identity and resistance came, early on, from connecting honestly with his bisexuality. He’s clever and sneaky, and likes mind games and code-switching and putting on characters, and when he realised the necessity of masking early on, it felt like a secret identity. He was simply Built Different, and couldn’t change it, so he made a game of tap-dancing on the tightrope.

Then he left to build that secret identity into his real self, on purpose, and he threw himself into The Opposite of Being a Jockey. He was not only the first in their family to go to university, he went into academia. He covered his bills by bartending and busking (take that, Dad). He eats cake. He is valued for his mind and brain. He is NOT COMPETITIVE AT ALL. HE’S COLLABORATIVE, EVEN.

…He was just about eighteen. And perhaps it affected him more deeply than he’d say. But what saved him - what always would save Charlie - was a sense of identity.

[fatesdeepdive]

Entry 11: Archduke Silly Bot

I built a new Mess Hall and Accessory Shop, but before I could play with them, my castle was attacked! By spooky ghost men from the Astral Plane I mean, I summoned them, but still, the castle is in danger. Fifteen enemies showed up to try and seize the fort. Lilith was supposed to help me fight, but just stayed in her pond and did nothing. Dumb fish.

The invaders were tough, but focused more on smashing stuff than killing my Units. Unfortunately, there was a casualty. Kenshi, our valiant POW who we force to serve as cannon fodder, was slain in battle. I mean, not really, because I’m playing Casual mode. Still, I renamed the castle Fort Kenshi in his honor.

The invasion gave me the points needed to build two new structures: the Rod Shop and the Smithy. The Mess Hall can be used to slightly boost unit stats for one battle. The Rod Shop can be used to buy various consumable items. Smithy can be used to reforge Weapons; for instance, I gave Kenshi a new bronze club called Kenshi’s Whacker. The Accessory shop can be used to buy and equip fun accessories, like the bath towel that is all Kenshi is allowed to wear.

Support: Jakob/Mozu

C: Jakob finds Mozu crying, because she had a nightmare about the death of her family, and comforts her.

B: Jakob tells Mozu that she is fortunate to have had something to lose; he explains his abusive childhood that ended with him being sold into servitude of the royal family and tells Mozu to hold onto her memories of her village.

A: Mozu begins training so she can be strong enough to protect everyone and thanks Jakob for looking out for her.

S: Jakob proposes to Mozu, asking her to help him create memories worth cherishing.

Review: This one was short, but good. It could have very easily just been a throwaway conversation about Jakob’s fanciness contrasting Mozu’s lack of sophistication. Instead, it was a genuinely touching conversation that expanded both characters and made me love Jakob even more.

Support: Orochi/Saizo

C: Orochi tells Saizo to stop being mean, because it’s ruining his reputation with the ladies, and threatens to take matters into her own hands.

B: Orochi reveals that when they first met, when Saizo was a child and she was...whatever age she was, she predicted misfortune in his future, which scared Saizo so much he wet his pants. She then reveals that she’s told everyone. Saizo runs away to salvage his reputation.

A: Saizo comes back, furious. Apparently, Orochi lied about telling everyone and Saizo, in his attempts to explain that he only peed his pants because he was a child, ended up spreading the story for her.

S: Saizo has turned over a new leaf and is trying to be nicer thanks to Orochi’s mind games. Orochi confesses that, when she fortolled misfortune in Saizo’s future, she must have actually been talking about his father. Because, as we all know, Saizo has not suffered any misfortune in his life. Also they get married.

Review: This one was decent. Saizo ignoring Orochi’s threats at first then ruining everything in his struggle to fix things is amusing, and the duo have better chemistry than most couples in this game.

Support: Azura/Corrin (Birthright)

Notice the Birthright parenthetical. Corrin and Azura, the main duo, actually have different conversations in different routes, which is neat.

C: Corrin and Azura take a walk together. Azura compares the nice day to Castle Shirasagi. She then apologizes for bringing up her childhood, which she feels belonged to Corrin.

B: Azura asks Corrin about her childhood and Corrin explains both the forced isolation and the constant companionship from Elise and the servants. Corrin actually says she misses the Northern Fortress.

A: Corrin and Azura reflect on their different opinions of Nohr: Azura’s feelings of it being the evil she escaped and Corrin’s of it being a home she misses. They discuss the fact that no place is truly good or bad, something the game’s writers needed to be reminded of, and vow to bring peace.

S: Corrin states that his good memories of Nohr all stem from kind people and vows to be that kind of person for her. The duo exchange some insanely on the nose promises about being fine in a dark pit if they’re together and their fates being intertwined. Now, this may feel like incest because they share parents and siblings, but I actually think this one is okay? As long as there isn’t some late game twist that makes them cousins or something, this seems good.

Review: Overall, a fairly good conversation. Corrin’s feelings on Nohr are more nuanced than this game normally is and the idea that Nohr isn’t evil because of the people is a good sentiment.

Support: Setsuna/Subaki

C: Subaki and Setsuna are assigned to train new recruits together. The new recruit is Kenshi, I have decided. Subaki, worried that Setsuna will be Setsuna and mess everything up, does everything himself.

B: Setsuna just wanders off in the middle of training new recruits and Subaki tries to help her be a better leader.

A: Setsuna attempts to resign from teaching, but Subaki tells her that her wandering off actually helped the recruits because she’s observant, I guess. Setsuna does not retire from teaching.

S: Setsuna tells Subaki that she likes him then wanders off because she’s done talking. Subaki chases after her and proposes.

Review: This one was mediocre. Setsuna is always fun, but this support conversation lacked a good conflict and was resolved in a dumb way. Setsuna wandering off in the middle of a confession is fun, but the relationship wasn’t built up at all.

Birthright Chapter 9: Land of Gods

The gang head to Izumo, a neutral kingdom south of Hoshido. The guards, recognizing Azura, let the party in. Corrin asks about the missing princes and is told no battle happened near Izumo. No war in Ba Sing Se and all that jazz. Archduke Izana approaches them, looking like a wise and calm leader. Then he talks and they realize that he’s a silly boy.

They ask him about the battle on the border of Izumo and he tells them he knows nothing about it. Izana invites the gang to rest and be treated by his healers. He also invites Corrin and Sakura to go to some special spa healing in his deep relaxation chamber which is absolutely not suspicious.

The deep relaxation chamber is an execution chamber. Nohrian soldiers march in to kill Corrin and Izana reveals that he is actually a Nohrian mage named Zola. His voice sounds like Gollum and he has this weird jester hat. I cannot wait for the part of the game where we kill him.

Right before Corrin is executed, half of the Nohrian soldiers attack the other half. It’s revealed the soldiers are actually our soldiers in disguise. Where they got the Nohrian costumes, I do not know. Maybe they looted them from some corpses? Also, how did they know this was happening? And how did they seamlessly blend into the Nohrian army? I have many questions.

Hinoka explains that she knew Zola wasn’t the real Izana because no royal would ever act like such a silly boy, because she has never read any history textbook. The battle begins.

Something I haven’t mentioned yet that I want to mention: if an enemy has a super effective weapon, a red balloon with an exclamation mark appears above them as you move your unit. Nice touch.

On turn two, two new characters march into battle: a Samurai named Hinata and a Spear Fighter named Oboro. The two of them are looking for Takumi. The two bicker. Hinata is an idiot and is thirsty for Takumi. Oboro fantasizes about killing all of the Nohrian scum and Hinata tells her to chill out. These two idiots are Takumi’s retainers. Corrin goes up to the duo and recruits them.

Hinata

A samurai and one of Takumi’s retainers. His personal skill, Triple Threat, hurts enemies who lower him below half health. His design is fine, I guess. I think they’re going for a meathead thing from his introduction and his scars and muscles, but he looks way too young. Personality wise, he seems to be kinda dumb, but not enough to be funny.

Oboro

A spear fighter who is really goddamn thirsty for Takumi and is also really racist. Her unit description is: Loves fashion, hates Nohr. Her personal skill makes her do extra damage to Nohrians, which is useful because we are at war with Nohr. Fates has a bad tendency of reducing characters to a single character trait and we’ve already been shown three traits for Oboro, which I assume will dominate every line she ever says. Seriously, we’ve known her for a minute and she’s said Nohrian Scum a dozen times.

This map was good. It was a standard fighting enemies in a castle map; nothing special, but then again it didn’t need to be special. After the battle, Zola says that he’d rather die than tell Corrin anything. He then throws a smokescreen and runs away, only to be attacked by Leo.

Leo says he’s going to kill Zola for being a disgrace to Nohr and Corrin says, no, don’t do that, don’t hurt another Nohrian. Except, Corrin has killed dozens of Nohrians at this point. Leo yells at Corrin for being a traitor and gives her Zola to keep as a pet. Corrin reflects on how Leo has gotten stronger, but also become more cruel, since her betrayal of Nohr.

The gang meets the real Izana. Yeah he’s every bit as weird and wacky as Zola was. He tells the gang about hearing that the princes were near the bottomless canyon and reads Corrin’s fortune. He sings the next verse of Ocean’s Grey Waves, implying that this song is genuinely a prophecy about this game.

In the white light, a hand reaches through

A double-edged blade cuts your heart in two

Waking dreams fade away,

Embrace the brand-new day

So, let’s see. First off, a lot of imagery about light, which is Hoshido’s aesthetic. Not sure what verse one means, but verse two is some heavy foreshadowing for Chapter 26. I’ll talk about it more then. Verses three and four are about Corrin leaving the fake life in Nohr and returning to Hoshido. Probably.

Azana also predicts that the princes are both alright, so the gang heads off to find them. That night, Azura talks to Corrin about the prophecy, saying that it is the lyrics to a song she was taught as a child that now seems to be about Corrin.

[agirlunderarock]

How I accidentally wrote 20 page paper on Boromir for one of my Final Ever University Papers PART 2

So this took me 5ever because I had to go through my actual paper again to find the sources and the citations I had, and then throw out the academic fluffer I had to speak with. But anyway just be prepared for a long ass read because we gotta touch on nearly every source I argued with in this post before getting to the good stuff. If you haven’t read Part 1 well here it is

Okay Okay where was I?

I said that academics were wrong with how they were judging Boromir right? Is that where I left off? Well thats where I’m starting

So before I go further I need to explain that the main premise for my paper is an argument to characterize Boromir with loyalty and fear, instead of power hungry and whatever the hell used, and then throw out this good vs. evil binary that’s often used to describe the lord of the rings- because lets be real, it looks like that on the surface but everyone has their ups and downs at least once or twice, and if not within the Lord of the Rings, it comes from books that are set in previous ages. 

ANYWAY

Keep the fear and loyalty things in mind alright?

Fear sounds like an odd choice for a character I’m supposed to be defending right? I know.

We’ll get to that just bear with me. 

So in order to say that academics were wrong, I first had to look at where they were coming from and try to see what textual evidence they had. Because if you’ve done academic research, you know how important textual evidence is. 

So while finding literally nothing that focused specifically on Boromir, I found  J.R.R. Tolkien Encyclopedia : Scholarship and Critical Assessment by Michael D. C. Drout, which I still have questions about but hey it was a good starting point. You would think that a whole Encyclopedia dedicated to Tolkien would have more than a handful of entries dedicated to Boromir. I mean mentioning him in Gondorian politics or relations with Rohan or even Boromir I instead of just Boromir II but heres the thing, IN THE WHOLE IN ENCYCLOPEDIA HE WAS ONLY MENTIONED 8 TIMES.

THE NAME BOROMIR (which in this document only refers to Boromir II) ONLY APPEARS IN EIGHT ENTRIES.

You know what those entries are? 

‘double of,’ - okay what the fuck does that mean?

 I honestly don’t remember what it means I think it had to do with character foils, you know like how Neville is a foil for Harry in Harry Potter? If I remember correctly, it identified the common foils, Gandalf v. Saruman, Frodo v. Gollum and Aragorn v. Boromir. I could be totally wrong about this, its been exactly a year and I didn’t focus on this entry.

 ‘Faramir and,’- yes we know Boromir is Faramir’s older brother. What else ya got?

 ‘herosim of,’- Ah yes sounds promising

And you think it would shed some positive light on our boy right? RIGHT? Heres what the entry said per the quote in paper “It is in fact Boromir’s desire for the victory of Minas Tirith and his own glory there in that motivates his own grasp for the ring: the heroic motivations of fame, reward, and revenge (in this case on Sauron)” ( Drout 270 ).  

LIKE EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK- sorry wait, let me show you how I rephrased that for academic purposes:  This description does not actually describe Boromir as being heroic, but later explains why these descriptions of heroism are actually evil compared to characters like Aragorn, Frodo, Gimli and the rest of the Fellowship.

 ‘penance of,’- Yet another character who achieves redemption through death. Great. I hate it. Shut up. Kill this trope.

 and finally,  ‘tyranny of.’- yes because Boromir was obviously a tyrant, but I say again SHOW ME TEXTUAL EVIDENCE

AND I’M TALKING ONLY ABOUT THE BOOKS HERE REMEMBER ALL OF THIS IS INFORMATION ON THE BOOKS. like there were entries on things from the movies, and even fanfiction, but THESE ENTRIES WERE BUILT ON RESOURCES THAT BUILT ARGUMENTS ABOUT THE BOOKS

I’m getting off track here

SO 

ANYWAYS

At the end of each of those entries were list of sources that the author used to create those entries. So guess what that meant- Ya girl was hand delivered sources to search for and hopefully they had some specific pages references for me to look up within the actual book series. At least you would think thats what I found, but NOOOOOOOOO, what I actually found is that EVERY SINGLE REFERENCED SOURCE CHARACTERIZED BOROMIR ONLY BY HIS ATTEMPT TO TAKE THE RING FROM FRODO.

Thats like living your whole life and having people who say they know you intimately (not in the romantic sense in the knows you to your core sense) BUT the only thing they really know about you is that one time in pre-school you tried to draw a rocket on the wall but actually it looked like a penis thats the only thing anyone will remember you for. I didn’t do this by the way, nor know anyone who did this but some kid somewhere probably did

But you know me at this point I had to check the sources and see what they were saying. So I took up Patrick Grant’s  “Tolkien: Archetype and Word,” where he talks mostly about Frodo. I know its a stretch BUT he talks about loyalty specifically Sam’s loyalty to Frodo, and remember we want to establish that Boromir is incredibly loyal, so we have to see what he’s actually up against according to the critics

“…Sam Gamgee, whose part is least publicly acclaimed of all, but who in the sense in which we are now using the word, is especially heroic. His unfailing devotion to Frodo is exemplary, and here again Sam is a key link in bring the meaning of the book to the reader, the everyman who admires great deeds but wonders what his own part might be in important events which seem well enough wrought without him” ( 180 ).  

Okay that seems fair from how Tolkien himself has talked about Sam right. And you’re probably like okay, but what the fuck does that have to do with Boromir? Literally just further down the page  he says:

“…. The fellowship breaks only when the bond of obedience is broken, as it is by Boromir, whose pride and lust for personal power are evidence of false heroism” (180).

LUST FOR PERSONAL POWER???? PRIDE?????

SHOW ME THE PAGES SIR

GIVE THEM TO ME

I know you’re probably thinking, ‘but wait he’s actually kinda right-”

WRONG

Its anxiety, I’m telling you

I counted 

its fear and anxiety

but again I’m getting a head of myself. Basically Grant just took a shat on Boromir to make Sam look good.

EXCUSE ME SIR SAM IS A GODDAMN MASTERPIECE ON HIS OWN THANKS. DON’T TRASH BOROMIR TO COMPLIMENT SAM. Also be wary of people who do this in general, if they put someone else down instead of just out right complimenting you take it as a warning

Oh and did I mention that because Grant says Boromir is technically being selfish, another critics analysis makes Boromir Evil, because acts done out of selfish pursuits are seen as evil and a “perversion of human will.” But you know, thats just how it be sometimes when you’re putting literature in conversation with one another.

Just know I pick on Grant a lot, mostly because he says shit like this:  “…the most blinding love derives directly from such obedience,” (180). when it comes to Sam, and then takes a shit on Boromir. Like we’re going to come back to the obedience thing in a little bit, but just know that Merry, Pippin, Faramir, Eowyn, Even Sam at one point, and I mean I guess by some extension movie!Arwen take a big ‘ol shit on the idea that the only way to be heroic is to be OBEDIENT.

I get it, its another Catholic thing. I’m Catholic, I know what its getting at. But consider- no

Basically I boil this shit down to one thing

Sam Only Owes Loyalty To Frodo.

Literally his main concern throughout the book is Frodo and then the Shire and what that encompasses. So yeah its easy to be loyal and obedient to someone who shares all the same ideas and values as you and has a pretty similar lived experience right??? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY And before anyone says Sam was loyal to the fellowship, Sam would literally cut a bitch for Frodo. He woulda fought Aragorn in the Prancing Pony if he thought he had to. He gave a second thought to Merry and Pippin when they left the Fellowship, but it wasn’t a “we should go back for them all or wait for them” It was “i’m gonna support mr. Frodo, even if Idon’t much like the gollum creature he decided to drag around but fair i guess cuz none of us know the fucking way into Mordor.” 

So I made a chart to demonstrate why comparing Boromir and Sam is a big no no, and what kinda things Boromir was working with the whole time he was part of the fellowship.

Did I forget to mention that this was supposed to be a visual research paper?

So Sam and Frodo had a lot of the same Fears and values.

Our Boy Boromir over here has to deal with being a political/military figure, meet the demands of his father, he’s gotta try to be a good brother, he’s gotta learn to get along with the fellowship, and then each of those new or old loyalties has different responsibility and expectations he’s supposed to meet. And because I had to include Aristotelian ideas as part of the class, to quote myself: Despite the Aristotelian concept that it is impossible to be a virtuous friend to many, Boromir’s actions throughout The Fellowship of the Ring show him attempting to do this ( Aristotle 9 ). Like thats literally why he ends up a member of the Fellowship, he’s a little unsure of this plan, but hey its the best one he’s heard and if everyone thinks its going to work then by golly he’ll see it done. But again Aristotle (just in your head pronounce it like chipotle for me please) wants to try to establish a structure that I think is stoopid, he’s got a thing that says  “it is a more terrible thing to defraud a comrade than a fellow-citizen, more terrible not to help a brother than a stranger, and more terrible to wound a father than any one else” (15). 

So remember those loyalties in the little blue squiggles up in the picture, we already know that Denethor, and Faramir bump heads a little, and then the soldiers serving with Boromir probably have their own ideas about how Gondor should be defended, and then he goes to the Council of Elrong and they’re saying something completely different from what he’s heard- theres a lot of threads pulling the Captain in different directions. He’s got a lot hats to wear and demands to fulfill and living under the shadow of Mordor with all of those responsibilities is bound to give anyone anxiety. 

But don’t just take my word for it

The movie actually reinforces this. I know the book says Boromir was “...pierced with many black feathered arrows” But the movie specifically makes it 3

Now I’m sure Mr. Peter Jackson didn’t intend for what I’m about to say, but I think its a pretty cool notion to think about. Because you can summarize Boromir’s conflicting loyalties into “family’ ‘country’ and “Fellowship’. Like his father would have him bring the ring to Gondor, his role as a military/political figure for Gondor means he should be doing whatever he has to in order to protect his country, and the Fellowship is like nah man we destroy this thing and everything else will fall into place, and Boromir is left having to decide whih of these things to act upon. Family, Country, and the Fellowship are the competing signs that make up is character arc, and his grapple with these three things is ultimately what leads to his death.

Now if your thinking family and country should be lumped together- theres a reason for it, just trust me, bare with me please

But basically what I’m trying to get at is given all these factors, you can’t compare a character like Boromir with all these responsibilities hanging off him to be comparable to Sam whose only responsibility is Frodo. 

But you know who does share all these same demands

Faramir

Like take a look at their character arcs- if you can the text on this next pic is super teeny

If thats too small for you don’t worry about it because we’re gonna get into why Faramir is a better foil for Boromir, and how this should affect the way we as the reader come to understand his character. So fun stuff in the next part! Sorry for dragging this out, but just like my original paper, this turned out to be WAY longer than I expected. 

[everimaginethat]

Dance with me?

Hey guys,

In celebration of @handwrittenmendess one year anniversary I joined her writing challenge. I hope you guys like it and it isn't that cringy. Please remember that english isn't my first language.                          Let me know what you think :)

Fandom: New Hope Club

Pairing: Blake Richardson x reader

Prompt: „Dance with me?“

Words: 2036

Warnings: none except for a hella lot of fluff

Y/N – your name

Y/N/N – your nickname

y/e/c – your eye colour

your thoughts

______________________________________________

When your best friend Blake told you that one on his cousins was going to get married and he wanted you to go with him you were quite shocked to say the least. Sure you were excited but you have never been on a wedding before and even that with your best friend since eight grade. You found it nice that he had asked you. But the thing is, you had a huge crush on him for ages and didn't want him to know because you thought it would ruin your friendship. What if he found out and wouldn't feel the same? It all would have been ruined. You only had to look at him with his beautiful dark hair and these mysterious brown eyes of his and of course that smile that would melt your heart and you would think: WOW! What a gorgeous young man. Don't let's begin with his character but boy, he had a deep soul.

The aspect of you being on a wedding party with him circulated inside your head. You laying in his protectiv arms and slowly swaying to the music. A band quitely playing in the background. You wearing a beautiful long dress that fit your figure perfectly. But than it came to your mind.                Was a wedding really like you imagined it to be? What do you have to wear on a wedding? What about a present? What if his relatives wouldn't like you?           All these thoughts ran through your head as you told him your answer.          „Sure, I'd love to“                              Your mouth was faster than your brain. „Thank you, Y/N/N. I owe you one“ Blake smiled and kissed you on your cheek before he went after his bandmates George and Reece.

Now you're standing in your room trying to move the zipper up your burgundy knee lenght bodycon dress but you couldn't reach it fully.                             „Mom?“ you called and tried for the zipper on your back again but you didn't get an answer. Two days ago you were on a shopping spree with your mother. You tried many different dresses before you found the perfect one for you. Fitting for the dress you had brought high heels in the same colour but due to you only wearing high heels on rare ocassions you couldn't walk on them properly. You only hoped you wouldn't look like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings when walking.              Moments later you looked up as you felt a pair of hands on your back and smiled, a red shadow forming on your soft cheeks. You had a body lenght mirror in your room so you could see who was standing behind you. Blake. And he looked damn fine. He was wearing a black suit with a burgundy tie. His dark hair was nicely slicked back but unruly at the same time.                                        He's so handsome. Damn.                      Your thoughts were swirling around in your head. You couldn't focus on anything other than the boy behind you. You tried calming down, deep breaths escaping your lips. Nervously you looked down again.               His thoughts on the other hand circled only around you. His dark eyes traveled down your exposed back. With his hands still on the zipper he chewed on his bottom lip. Slowly his slender fingers moved the zipper close. The rings on his hands lightly touched your hot skin, cooling it down a bit. A nearly inaudible sigh could be heard behind you and you looked up again. Your y/e/c orbs meeting his brown ones with an intense stare. You turned around in a quick swirl, looking directly at his broad chest. Even with high heels you were a head smaller than him.                   „What are you doing here?“ you whispered, looking up at the boy.               „What? Aren't you excited to see me?“ he laughed, shaking his head a little. „Sure, I'm excited“ you gulped, giggling nervously.                                         „Yeah, we're finished getting ready and I thought you might need help or something. Turns out I was right“ Blake explained while he scratched the back of his head nervously. Your cheeks turned a darker shade of pink, if that even was possible and your skin tingled at the places his fingers met your back only minutes ago. You cleared your throat and stepped closer to him. With shaky hands you adjusted his tie and looked up into his eyes. The eighteen year old boy infront of you was watching your every move.                 „Maybe-Maybe we should go downstairs. I'm ready now“ you spoke after some time. Blake only nodded and led you down the stairs. Your mother was already waiting in the kitchen with her camera in her hands.                 You sighed.                                             „Mom, please. We don't have time for this“

„Oh..... come on, baby. Just one picture. You guys look fantastic“ she grinned. With that she shooed you out of the house and commanded for the both of you to pose infront on the walnut tree in your front yard. A couple photos later you sat in the car of Blake's family that turned out was waiting for you the whole time.

The wedding ceremony was beautiful. It was outside in a big garden, everything was made with loving detail. The ceremony didn't last to long, neither was it to short. The bride looked stunning in her ivory-coloured dress. You've never seen such a beautiful young woman before and you hoped you would look as gorgeous as she did on your wedding day.„They look so lovely“ you whispered to Blake.„Yeah...They really do“ he smiled, glancing beside him in your direction. You happily clapped your hands as the newly wedded couple kissed and made their way to the pavilions.

„Congrats Evan and Ella“ Blake hugged his cousin and the bride before he introduced you to them.                               „This is Y/N“ You too, hugged them.„Congratulations. You look stunning. I love your dress, Ella“ You smiled and gestured to the wedding dress.                 „Thank you, love. Your dress is beautiful too“ Ella smiled.                              „Thanks ...“ you began and you guys chatted away for a bit until it was time for the wedding speeches and Blake and you made your way to your places. You sat at a round table with his parents and sister, as well as his grandparents and his great aunt and uncle.

„Thank you all for coming and for all the congratulations. We hope you have fun. I don't want to drag this wider and wider because I know you are hungry, I for myself am starving. So the buffet is opened. Eat as much as you can“ laughed Evan, Blake's cousin.   „I'm getting food. Do you want something?“ Blake leaned over and looked at you with a questioning look. You nodded.        „Yes, could you maybe bring me something from that chicken? It looked delicious“

„Sure. I'm back in a minute“ he smiled, squeezed your hand lightly and got up from the table. „Thank you“ you called after him. Awkwardly you sat at the table, alone with a woman you didn't know. All the others have left to get something to eat. Your eyes wandered around the big pavilion. Everyone was talking and laughing. Quite music blasting through the speakers. The buffet was overrun with fancy looking people.        You cleared your throat and took a sip of your water.                                       „So, you're Blakey's girlfriend?“ his great aunt asked after some time. You nearly choked on your water. I wish I was. „No-No, we are best friends“ you answered with a sad tone in your voice that you tried to cover but you were sure she heard it.      „Too bad. You would make a cute couple“ she sighed and looked at you with a sympathic smile.                                                                      „Thank-Thank you“ you blushed.        „Oh, love. You don't need to feel embarrassed. He really likes you, you know. Just look how his eyes are always lighting up when he sees you. And every time you talk he's smilin'. It's the same with you by the way“             „Really“ sceptical you looked at her.          That couldn't be true. How was it that obvious and you hadn't noticed by now?     She nodded, her brown curly hair bouncing with every move. Before you could say something Blake was back at the table with two plates full of food.                     „One's for the lady, one for me“ he grinned and put your plate infront of you before he sat down. „Enjoy your meal“ he smiled.         „Thank you, Blake. Enjoy your meal too“ you smiled back and began to eat.

The evening went on in a rush. Funny wedding games were played. The married couple opened the dance floor with a traditional wedding dance and the bride had her daddy-daughter dance. The atmosphere was filled with laugher and good mood. After a while it wasn't that awkward anymore for you to talk to the strangers and before you knew it it was already dark outside. Some guests were already gone and some were on the move. The children that had attended the wedding were going to get sleepy, except one little girl in a green dress and blonde hair. She was standing on the shoes of your best friend and danced with him to the music of Ed Sheeran's „Barcelona“. You sat at one of the tables with a perfect view over the dance floor.                                                                       You giggled as you watched him doing silly dance moves to trie to make the little girl laugh. In one swift movemet you fished your mobile phone out of your purse. You opened your camera and filmed the scene with a grin plastered on your face. Sometime in the middle of the song the little girl got tired of dancing and Blake led her to her parents. He hugged the girl goodbye and made his way towards you. A slight smile on his lips. Quickly you shoved your phone back into your purse and looked at him smiling.       „You were cute out there“ you grinned at Blake as he sat down beside you.  „Well, thanks. I do my best“ he laughed.    The song ended and a slower one began to sound through the speakers. It was a cover of „A Million Dreams“ from The Greatest Showman and was sung by the group Anthem Lights. (If you want you can listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12EMOE3Py9o)                                                      Blake jumped out of his seat.           „Dance with me?“ Blake asked and held his hand out. You nodded and took it. His hands wandered to your hips and yours slung around his neck. You lightly swayed to the music. „Thank you for dragging me with you“ you smiled and layed your head against his chest. Blake didn't answer but it was alright with you. You enjoyed it. Dancing with your long-time crush and appreciating the feeling of his hands around you. You slowly danced to the music, blending everything out around you. Shutting out all the talking people. It was only the both of you at that moment.               Blake's hands gripped tighter around your hips. „Y/N?“ Blake quietly asked. You looked up at him.                                         „Thank you for being here with me“          You nodded and played a little with the string of his necklace at the back of his neck.  „Have I told you that you look drop-dead gorgeous“                                          „You look very handsome yourself“ you smiled.                                              Before you could register what was happening his soft lips were on yours. Out of shock you couldn't respond to the kiss in time. He broke it off and moved slightly away from you.                                     „I'm-I'm sorry, Y/N. I shouldn't have done that“ he stuttered. You smiled, grabbed him by his tie and pulled him down towards you.    „Don't be sorry. I enjoyed it“ with that your lips met again.

[leam1983]

Middle-Earth: Shadow of War Review

Note as of June 1st, 2020 - This review predates Monolith’s removal of the game’s microtransactions and the restructuring of the Endgame content. Enemy level scaling has been marginally affected, but not enough to affect this review.

Back in 2014, I wrote of Middle-Earth : Shadow of Mordor that it perpetuates and perpetrates acts of loving perversion, that it twists Tolkien’s lore around its little finger for the sake of shoring up its tale of revenge. I didn’t exactly put that off as being bad or somehow reprehensible, and even actively enjoyed it. Notes have been left by Tolkien himself, in which he more than clearly stipulates that he’s fine with others traveling along Middle-Earth’s side-paths in his stead, but that a certain consistency must be maintained. His main cast has very specific roles and shares specific relationships – they enter and leave the scene in a specific order that must be maintained. Mordor had us traipse around with Gollum and Lady Marwen for a spell, and attached one of the Silmarilion’s key characters to our protagonist. Talion was our Discount Aragorn of the day, and he had the esteemed honor – or misfortune – of being paired with the wraith of Celebrimbor, the former Lord of Eregion and the doomed craftsman behind the Nine Rings.

Purists howled, gamers cheered. Udün and Nürn were on the smallish side, if open-world sandboxes are concerned, and largely contained the usual open-world trappings, such as towers to climb and various knickknacks to collect. At the end of the day, however, what allowed the game to please so many had to be its Nemesis System, a clever piece of tech that tracks players and generates bespoke Uruk-Hai; vat-born palookas that breathe, drink and sweat sheer violence and hatred and that incidentally come with a surprisingly developed palette of personalities. Whichever greenskin killed you the most became your Nemesis, a mixture of coding and player behavior resulting in violent, if intimate relationships between yourself and an ascended Peter Jackson extra packing disparate armor pads and a smattering of scars.

Shadow of War, for better or worse, is exactly the same – if better in every way. Loving perversion returns, exemplified here by one of Ungoliant’s daughters looking particularly… un-spider-like, and by the ways in which Celebrimbor and Talion’s conjoined tales now both stretch one another, grow thin around the edges, and finally break away, to clear the path for the Fellowship we��re all familiar with. A few places are referred to here that shouldn’t have existed so early in Sauron’s rebirth, but unless you’re the type who launches into angry screeds whenever someone expresses their ignorance of who Morgoth is, you’re likely to be able to forgive much of it. As with Shadow of Mordor, Shadow of War exists as a modern, gritty and unapologetic side-tale in Middle-Earth’s history books, the kind of project you’re almost surprised to see Middle-Earth Entreprises cautioning – but still one that treads its little corner of the lore confidently.

As before, it’s essentially AAA fanfiction. Excellently-written fanfiction, of course, with a star-studded cast and unlikely friends and allies; but still a piece of fiction that purists can afford to safely ignore. That is, if they’re part of the Fun Police – as Shadow of War remains entertaining throughout its thirty-hour run. This is largely thanks to its cast of procedurally-generated Orcs, who all somehow manage to remain memorable. The pendulum swings wildly between sympathy, disgust and raucous amusement – even if they all remain fittingly murderous – which takes the legendarium’s treatment of Melkor, Morgoth and Sauron’s respective lackeys and tears it apart. If you’re a little like me, you’ll finish your run through Talion’s story thinking that with enough pipeweed and Lembas bread, you might be able to pluck a little Orcling out of the breeding pits and turn it into an overgrown Hobbit with a serious dental problem.

Of course, I’ll also briefly touch on the one and single Orc in the entire game you’ll desperately want to kill, but can’t. That would be the cash shop’s vendor, with his pre-release visage packing unfortunate cultural and stereotypical connotations. Good on Monolith for fixing that in time; I doubt many of us were interested in funnelling micropayments towards the kind of face 4Chan’s trolls bracket in three pairs of parentheses. The pre-release stream’s showcase definitely did pack a few related Oy vey moments…

So. Spoilers abound beyond this point. Abandon all hope and whatnot, alright? Cool.

We ended Shadow of Mordor with Talion and Celebrimbor, from here on referred to as Brim for the sake of ruffling that undead sourpuss’ Elven hair, taking to Mount Doom to forge a new Ring of Power. Being distinct from those offered to Middle-Earth’s rulers and of a different provenance than the One Ring, it was designed by Celebrimbor in order to allow him to wrest control of Mordor’s Uruk forces away from Sauron. Unforeseen events unfold which separate Talion from Brim, which sets the pace for the game’s tutorial and its first act. We’re exposed to the same Assassin’s Arkham Creed-esque mechanics the first one presented, with a few small aesthetic and functional improvements. Desperation then forces the reunited duo to follow Shelob’s advice and take to Minas Ithil, a scant few days before its fall at the hands of the Nazgül – and its rebirth as Minas Morghul.

It’s there that War blatantly references its elders in the genre, as Ithil is one of the few fully-realized settlements you’ll find in Mordor. It’s obviously packed and serves as the smaller of the game’s five regions, while still adequately evocating the scale of its more familiar brethren, such as the Gondorian city of Minas Tirith. You reach it just as it’s pushing through the Orcs’ first open siege in months, the stately beauty of its colonnades looking adequately pitted with age and duress. Ithil, after all, remains a city of Mordor and not Gondor, and as such looks to have thrived in an atmosphere of near-constant tension. You just so happen to reach it as the proverbial levee breaks, which conveniently provides you with both a familiar set of rooftops to serve as a series of transitional environments for anyone coming in from Assassin’s Creed titles or the Arkham games and more general stuff to do. Pick some basic Ubisoft open-world mechanics and you’ll find something similar here.

The same can be said of the combat mechanics, while it’d be more fair of War to say it’s cribbing from his bigger brother than from what other studios have put together. Talion is a bit sprier than before, Brim is a lot more agile once a few story-focused unlocks kick in, and most of Mordor’s mid-to-late-tier upgrades here serve as entry-level abilities. Unlike the first game, you don’t spend the first hour or so getting your ass handed to you by Püshkrimp the Armchair Philosopher – you’re potent from the word go. The same can be said of your enemies, as most Captains are now sufficiently detailed so as to consistently pose some challenge. Doormats with a title are less common, and so are unbreakable towers lording over you from a dozen or so levels. Hence the use of the word some, as you’re never in a position of overpowering strength, either from your point of view or the enemy’s. That’s a good thing, as the Nemesis system is a lot more detailed and records several additional variables. Cut an arm off of a persistent Captain, and he might come back with a new title, one or two extra levels – and a gnarly-looking DIY-plus-Black Speech prosthetic limb. Particularly eloquent types can be relegated to the rank of drooling wretches if Brim Shames them to the point where they Break. The use of capitals here is intentional, as the game clearly differentiates between Dominating an Orc and Breaking it. Dominated Orcs join your ranks, while Broken Orcs take a massive dip in levels and power. You’ll sometimes encounter Captains that stand several levels above Talion, too high for them to be recruited. Shaming them puts them within your reach, provided you find them again.

That said, as the Nemesis system characterizes everything about the Uruk-Hai, you might start out with a sympathetic and rambunctious sort who treats your repeated clashes like joyful reunions – even while he’s trying to skewer you. Break him, and chances are he’ll be reduced to monosyllabics. He’ll still be potent enough to serve as a Captain by the game’s standards, but he’ll be pretty much due for the paddywagon… The main campaign includes one fairly striking example of the scripted Breaking of a former follower – and is where the sandbox’s goofy greenskins tend to step aside for the franchise’s gritty wartime themes to reassert themselves. This is perhaps one of the few thematic issues with the title, as while Troy Baker and Alastair Duncan are both as gravelly-faced and somber as Gandalf and Elrond at the worst of times, levity rests almost entirely on the shoulders of the procedurally-generated Orcs. Mordor looks verdant at times, chilly at others – but it is most assuredly a grim and dire place to be, unless you’re above seven feet tall and happen to be one of the Dark Lord’s vat-born servants. Then, judging by those green palookas I’ve run into, you’re in for copious amounts of wanton violence, thousands of variants on head trauma and dismemberment, and lots and lots of grog. That seems to be the Orcish concept of fun, at least… That can make for jarring tonal shifts in the same scene, but at least it occurs more consistently than the first game’s half-hearted inclusion of Ratbag the Coward.

So the core mechanics are the same, but what’s changed? The premise having moved to a war in need of orchestration, your Dominating Orcs isn’t just a means of affording yourself some handy meat shields anymore. The betrayals and covert operations you staged across war camps now cover entire regions, the core Nemesis operations allowing for the development of a strong covert force as well as of a direct assault battalion. You’ll need it, as War now packs one fort for each of its five regions, from Nürnen’s verdant coastlines to Gorgoroth’s perpetual lava floes. That’s five sets of regional Captains to either slice and dice apart, Dominate, replace, or appoint to favorable positions. The cash shop includes Training Orders, which enable you to relocate Captains from one region to another – or from your Barracks to the open world. As you could expect, sworn fealty isn’t a guarantee of unwavering service. Orcs with a particularly strong will are likely to turn coat at inopportune moments. This seems like a harmless mechanic, until you consider that the hotshot Uruk War Boss you paid five bucks for could very well leave your service.

Each fort packs three capture points you’ll more or less take à la Overwatch, by piling your followers into the indicated circles. Each point can serve as the theatre for several high-level bouts, as this is obviously where the enemy sends its best attackers. It’s largely where you can expect last-minute saves from your Dominated retinue, and where the oft-mentioned battlefield relationships can develop. It’s all very Platonic, of course, but an Orc you’ve appointed and who takes well to his post might very well decide to take out the guy who’s about to choke the life out of you with a well-placed crossbow bolt. A few canned animations sell that basic sense of respect, Talion waving his thanks to his savior of the moment before going back to carving his way to the Warlord’s chambers.

 Of course, War does pack its Ratbag analog, the star of 2017’s E3 presentation. Brüz the Chopper serves as an amusing bundle of Australian lingo wrapped in an eternal optimist’s attitude – right up until he doesn’t. The game tries to dovetail its way to the point where Brüz leaves the luxury of scripted scenes and rejoins the rest of the Nemesis Captains, giving him an appropriate sendoff that many might not appreciate as being in keeping with the series’ themes. Of course, if you’d rather keep the Chopper in his Chatty Cathy phase, you can always take to Online Vendettas in Nürnen and snatch someone else’s Brüz for your own use. In theory, you could repopulate your army with the same plot-mandated Uruk in a dozen copies if you compulsively play Online Vendettas. They’re also the only way to earn Loot Boxes beyond paying for them with the in-game currency, Mirian, or ponying up hard cash for Gold, the premium currency.

So let’s say you’ve staffed your front lines, you’ve got men poised to backstab Osgiliath’s Overlord at your command and you’ve upgraded your support positions with Sauron’s elite – which you’ve unceremoniously stolen from him. What now? You can travel to another region to carry out the same process, you can put your staff through the meat grinder of Nemesis Missions or Fight Pit events to have them gain power levels, or you can wait for one of the unaffiliated Captains to find you, or for one of your own to turn coat. Outside of story missions and collectibles, your conquered regions are more or less likely to sit nice and pretty until you reach the final chapter of the game – and its most controversial one – Shadow Wars.

See, the game rather ingloriously ends with your being forced to bide time for Middle-Earth, between the events of Two Towers and Return of the King. The same point-based mechanics play out in reverse, expecting you to work from the stronghold and outwards – but not after having seriously committed to a long grind. Sauron’s efforts to reclaim your territories are going to be two or three times stronger than yours at the onset, so you’re expected to buff up your forces before triggering each attack. At this point, you can either pay up for a quick-and-dirty boost, or work your way up a rather steep slope. All of it for what, exactly?

Well – let’s just say Shadow Wars isn’t integral to the story in any shape or form. All it does is pad out the game’s length and transition the story from its shocker of a “proper” ending to one that neatly resolves all remaining conflicts in a nice bit of CGI. As with the previous game, all of the events that unfolded are shown as having had no real impact on the official lore and timeline. It more or less left me smirking and shaking my head, wondering why I even bothered with all of this if, as before, Talion’s contribution to the core events end up being conveniently scrubbed aside.

Thanks, Gamer-Person, you really did us a solid, right there! See, Frodo and Sam had a lot of cramps along the road and spent way too much time in that Bombadil fellow’s forest, so you stalled Sauron’s boys for a couple weeks! Cheers, off to the Halls of Mandos with you; we’ll mail you a cast photo of the Fellowship as thanks! No, Gandalf doesn’t take phone calls, so KTHNKXBAI!

Said story doesn’t exactly reinvent the wheel, but it does flesh out both Talion and Brim a fair bit more. You bearing witness to Minas Ithil’s destruction scatters a few Gondorians of note across Mordor, and you’re made to assist them while simultaneously working with another newcomer to the lore; Eltariel, the Blade of Galadriel. In another canon-shattering move, she packs the Light of Eärendil in weaponized form. Talion consistently attempts to wrest the events back to the ensured survival of the exiled Gondorians, only for Brim and Eltariel to constantly hammer in the need to stop Sauron. It’s there that a rather Nietzschean observation concerning Celebrimbor rears its head, as our Brim doesn’t quite pack the objectivity and self-restraint of his Silmarilion counterpart. If anything, compassionate politics seems to be Talion’s consistently-ignored proposition, while Brim steadily makes his moniker of Bright Lord look like a bad joke.

Brüz has the right of it, honestly, as per his comment in the E3 gameplay snippet. “Bright Lord, Dark Lord?” he rhetorically asks, a snarky smirk on his massive face, “Same thing, really.” Talion doesn’t miss a beat for most of the game, which makes your bipartite entity come across as something close to a squabbling couple with different viewpoints. Then, and if only to motivate another loving skewer of the legendarium and the transition to Shadow Wars proper, he skips on the last gigantic red flag pointing to his ethereal friend’s seriously problematic approach to justice. It undermines what is meant to be some sort of massive twist – and potentially a setup for any potentially Eltariel-themed DLC to follow – and makes it come across as more of an inevitability. Safe to say, Monolith would have to bend over backwards in order to produce a third game in the same continuity, based on the position in which they’ve left things.

Not that the story isn’t fun as it’s presented, though. It’s a bit rote and it does leave me feeling as though Talion was shortchanged in a fairly ridiculous way: I do have the nagging idea that Monolith figured they’d just finish checking off boxes from their Big List of LOTR Figures to Introduce, and that they plugged in Gollum as a sort of admission of the character’s position as a series staple. It feels as though some exec somewhere said “It’s a LOTR game, right? Plug Gollum in there even if it’s not entirely conducive to the plot, or else!”

If the previous game struck me as being a fairly Postmodern approach to Tolkien’s source material, this one is also starkly progressive, in contrast. The proper lore does include its fair share of femmes de tête such as Eöwyn, but it always did treat them as outsiders to the norm; it serving as a sort of reflection of Tolkien’s own musty sensibilities. I’ve even heard some armchair scholars refer to the man as a Luddite, which isn’t too surprising.

Still, Shadow of War is entirely a creature born of the same climate that allowed for the Peter Jackson films, the creation of Middle-Earth Entreprises and the adaptation rights to the LOTR name being sold off to Amazon Video. It stems from the same zeitgeist as Christopher Tolkien’s stepping-down from ME’s ruling council and the general sense that the publishing of Beren and Luthien marks the end of an era. In a sense, it’s from the same spirit that’s now seeing the production of Game of Thrones spin-offs. Insofar, the new climate we’ve only just entered is one in which celebrated Fantasy universes are ripe for the picking, setting the stage for something we might one day come to call the LOTR Expanded Universe.

If you’re a purist, as before, you’ll probably quiver in your boots at the thought of humanized and fleshed-out Easterlings and Haradrim (yeah, about that one, dear White Eurocentrist Tolkien Fans…) or, Eru forbid it, even more nuanced portrayals of Middle-Earth’s canonically “dark” races and species! If you’re the type to cling to the books the way Star Trek diehards cling to their Klingon dictionaries, fly! Fly, you fools!

Honestly, I think that’s a good thing.

Yes. Yes, dear purists, I’ve said it. I’ve said the thing that motivates no end of detailed screeds on YouTube and across literary circles. You’re probably frothing at the mouth, right now, waiting to tell me that Orcs are vat-born, that the Haradrim and Easterlings all serve Sauron, that Middle-Earth is a land of refreshing absolutes where Good is saccharine and Evil eats babies for lunch – but even the source material packs a few Uruk who resort to mercy as a tactically-sound approach of dealing with captured Hobbits, or greenskins who don’t object to talking in their master’s back at the favor of being eavesdropped on by Sam Gamgee. These same Orcs reminisce on the good old days that didn’t involve their being on the warpath, suggesting that they actually do have some concept of peacetime!

Be the Fun Police if you have to – I’ll be over there cackling madly at the sight of sappy fanfics involving Azog and an unusually determined Numenorean maiden. If Shadow of War is what happens when game devs don’t just stick to established tenets but are allowed to run with a franchise’s overall vibes, I could take dozens more titles like this. The only real problems the game rises are thematic or character-based, the rest is as fluid and visceral as its predecessor.

That said, I do wish Püshkrimp the Armchair Philosopher were a Nemesis variant. You’d walk into the gutted and torn remains of an old Elven fortress in Seregost, sword drawn and muscles taut, only to be met with a cozy fire, a profusion of bear pelts, Gondorian mead and a comfy chair – and a seersucker-clad Uruk with elbow pads and pince-nez glasses, wanting to challenge your ability to address the Nature versus Nurture question, as presented by his own people... Fail to follow the right dialog options, and he would put you down to a sliver of health by the sheer sting of his contemptuous rebuttal. Manage to beat him, and the game would strip him of his title, rebranding him as Püshkrimp the Sophist…

Or – ooh! The Obsessed types from the first game could actually trigger a mini-dating sim, in which a seven feet-tall humanoid with olive-green skin and scruffy facial hair tries his hardest to initiate a consensual gay relationship between himself and an undead Ranger of Gondor!

[bewareoftrees]

Babylon 5 Watch (Season 1, Episodes 1-3)

With @jenniferstolzer a season deep into Buffy the Vampire Slayer already, it’s time for me to hold up my side of the trade by starting Babylon 5. Like with Jen, I’m going to be sharing my thoughts as I go through the episodes.

Pre-show Apology: I’m going to go ahead and say sorry now for the nicknames I give people. It’s a new show and names are hard for me anyway, but I’m sure I’ll remember who everyone is at some point. Maybe…

Episode 1.1 “Midnight on the Firing Line”

I’ll do my best not to laugh at the CGI too much. You’ve seen them, you know. Side note: I really want to play Star Fox 64 now! Yay old space graphics!

So, Babylon 5 is like the Citadel, right? Wonder what store Commander Shepard would recommend.

I do hope that at some point they’re able to open up the sets a bit more. Right now everything is too claustrophobic, making this feel like it takes place on a ship and not a space station.

Centauri = space vampires? Between Londo’s accent and his assistant’s fangs a strong argument is forming and my mind refuses to avoid running with it. Also, why the “Centauri”? What’s he got going on under those pants? Upper body of a man, legs of a vampire. Whatever their legs look like, one thing is for sure: they’re sure making me feel better about the size of my eyebrows and forehead.

Don’t trust someone with a name that sounds like Jafar. I’m calling it now!

Also, maybe don’t upset a telepath. 

I will say her inability to talk to this Braided Brunette is pretty ridiculous.  She gives up the chase super easily. At one point BB suddenly leaves the room and the telepath just doesn’t know what to do. I guess changing directions mid walk was just too much for her.

Commander: “Ignore the propoganda, focus on what you see.” What if I see propoganda?

Did Sounds-Like-Jafar just say he was eating spoo? I’m gonna go ahead and say that a good rule of thumb is to not eat anything that is just one letter away from being excrement.

Sounds Like Jafar: “Sleep well, Ambassador. Sleep lightly.” Well which is it!? 

Don’t let the O2 fool you. Those are definitely hot dogs on those oxygen masks, which seems inadvisable. Breathe now, snack later.

“Afterward, if you like, you can stop by my quarters and I can show you my favorite thing in the whole universe. Ok ok my second favorite thing in the universe.” I don’t care if you can see into his mind and know he is talking about Daffy Duck cartoons. Don’t smile at that!

Man I really want to know more about human history in this universe. At one point the Commander mentioned Pearl Harbor, the terrorist nuking of San Diego (RIP SDCC), and destruction of the first Mars colony. And later some history of the response to telepathy developing in humans comes up. Color me intrigued.

One thing that hasn’t changed is politicians still suck.

Man, all the alien races are designed to look so angry. No wonder there’s so much drama between the races, they’re always glowering at each other. Well, except for camo guy. Who knows what he’s thinking.

Apparently those gloves the telepath wears are just a fashion choice? I assumed they were to block seeing images and thoughts through touch like it is in most cases, but nope. 

I do not appreciate the look she is giving that piece of popcorn. (No commentary or drawings on this image, just distrust.)

Episode 1.2 “Soul Hunter”

No… Follow the wizard! Who cares about a stupid doctor… 

Oh… I thought those were just intense clubbing stamps on the back of everyone’s hands. But no, comms makes more sense…

I actually fully listened to the opening this time and at one point Babylon 5 is described as a place “where humans and aliens can work out their differences peacefully.“ Technically humans are aliens too… This is the type of deep thinking commentary you can expect from me.

I am starting to worry that Daffy Duck and the Commander are the only pilots on this whole station.

Is that a headdress Delenn (had to look up her name, couldn’t come up with a nickname for her) takes off at night, or is it as permanent as the vamp brow?

Brunette Braid shall now be known as The Russian.

He may look silly, but this Soul Hunter dude is a pretty cool villain when it comes to his backstory and how he was pushed towards joining the dark side by his inability to capture the souls of the recently departed. Failure sucks, dude, I get it. But that just made me a procrastinator, not a murderer.

New favorite head decorations = his mud flaps. Fashion or function? Who know!?

Also, biggest surprise of the episode is that the souls aren’t stored in that thing in the middle of his forehead. Guess it’s another fashion over function choice.

This isn’t Sunnydale and that dude isn’t as stupid as Xander. Stop trying to put the moves on everyone!

Commander: "Two soul hunters. Did someone book a convention without telling me?” Too soon! I just learned about the loss of SDCC one episode ago!

Daffy Duck:  “I really hate it when you get heroic. Cuts into my business. Man’s gotta earn a living, you know.“ Seriously, hire other people to do stuff on this space station!

Quick force pull a lightsaber to you and kill him!

Looks like someone accidentally brought their glue gun to the real gun fight.

Did she just go full Gollum on the souls?

Episode 1.3 “Born to the Purple”

Wait, wasn’t Sounds like Jafar the bad guy in episode 1? Was there no punishment for what he did? Short memories on this space station I guess, cuz now Space Vamp is all buddy buddy with him like he didn’t just threaten to kill Space Vamp’s nephew. He’s even smiling as he’s watching his UV Blue get stolen! 

You’d think they’d break out the nicer tables for important talks. At least put a tablecloth or a centerpiece on it! Something!

Commander to The Telepath: “You are my peeler. You’re going to peel away their lies until they’re left with that inescapable truth.” Whoa you sweet talker. That’s on par with “You are my sunshine.” (Oh, and The Telepath is now The Peeler and everyone should get on @jenniferstolzer‘s case until she draws us some fan art!)

Oh no! Sexy Time Lady has an evil pimp! …Or a master? Slavery is apparently still a thing. Yay…

Centauri = Space Vampires Exhibit C: “I long to sink my teeth into something.” Only a vampire would talk like this about eating!

The Russian is about as possessive of her computer as I am. I like to imagine Daffy Duck had Cheetos fingers one time years ago and she has never forgotten or forgiven it.

Sexy Time Lady, no!!! Space Vamp loves you enough to forget about his hatred of Sounds Like Jafar and this is how you repay him!?

Wait, Daffy Duck’s real name is Garibaldi? That’s just cruel, what with the Garibalding.

[volcanofandom]

CAN YOU WALK ON LAVA?

By Erik Klemetti Posted 01/12/12 on Science

The lava lake at Puʻu ʻŌʻō crater on Kilauea in early March, 2011 (image courtesy of the USGS/HVO). Care to take a stroll across it?

THE RESPONSE TO my post about what might happen, contrary to Hollywood's vision, if you fell into lava was, to say the least, amazing. Thanks for everyone who has read the original so far. I have gotten a lot of comments about that post, so I'm trying to respond to some of them (sorry if I didn't pick yours) to tackle some of the current questions and criticisms for my analysis – the idea that you aren't to likely to quickly sink into the lava lake, but rather burn yourself to a crisp like a hush puppy in hot oil (well, a hush puppy in molten iron). So, enjoy this followup and see what I suggest as some of the best ways to navigate a lava flow.

Paul: In another stupid disaster movie, sweaty survivors cross over a pond of lava on a horizontal fire truck ladder. In reality, the radiant heat would cause clothes and skin to burst into flame within seconds, even at a distance (incident infrared radiation would be the same at 20 ft as at 1 ft.). And the aluminum ladder would sag very quickly.

Me (Erik): That is one of the many aspects of *Volcano *that bother me – you know, other than a scoria cone erupting from the La Brea tar pits. I think to most people, the heat from a lava flow is the same as the heat from your oven. However, most ovens get to 525°F / 273°C on broil, so the average basaltic lava flow as shown in Volcano would be about four to five times hotter.

Cory: Consider, a body (of a certain weight) falling from a substantial height into a pool of lava that is of a certain variable viscosity—differing at different depths, AND flowing with underlying current. A body might then penetrate the surface to some necessary extent, and be pulled under by strong currents of high-viscosity molten rock flowing below. True, a body is not necessarily ‘sinking’ as is more familiar to us in our ‘normal experience’ (considering only the relative densities of a ‘still’ fluid and an object), however, the hapless Gollum (or, some other body) may, nevertheless, be observed ‘sinking’ into the lava after striking the surface.

Me (Erik): Cory has an interesting point – if there were active currents in the lava flow (see below), you could get “pulled in” as if you fell into a flowing river. However, the viscosity and density differences would still not allow you to sink. It would be like a stick on a stream – even when caught in the current, the stick wants to float rather than get entrained.

How about surfing a lava flow? We haven't talked about that yet?

Bob: Sadly - you've got something else wrong. At those temperatures, you wouldn't burst into flames. Considering the human body is made up of 80% water, the portions of your body that come in contact with the lava would generate huge amounts of steam, which would likely have sufficient pressure to blow you up off of the surface (at those temps the transformation of water to steam will expand by a volumetric factor in the thousands almost instantly).

I work in the metals industry, and the fear of steam explosions is a constant. At our facility, well before things like OSHA were around to keep everyone safe, an individual fell into a furnace three feet deep, full of molten aluminum (roughly 760°C). He was blown back out of the furnace, and actually died from the impact of that as opposed to anything else.

Me (Erik): I think the key limitation here is how that steam would escape – remember, all that water is conveniently kept in a sack of skin, so first you’d have to get that steam out of that sack. I think I’ll leave it at that. However, Bob's story does seem to lend credence to the idea that the steam could pop you right back off the lava.

Paul: But isn't that assuming he just sort of walks off the edge and it's right under him? After watching the video of the film on YouTube, I count that he falls for seven seconds. While I don't know offhand if that would allow for him to reach terminal velocity, would not the velocity of his fall, in effect, ADD something to his weight (at least in terms of downward acceleration) for the purposes of penetrating the viscosity resistance of the lava below? Assuming that Middle Earth has a similar gravity to the Earth, the downward acceleration of 9.81 m/s, at 7 seconds, would result in Gollum hitting the lava with a velocity of 68.67 m/s - surely that would affect how he hits the lava (or would it still be magma, as it is still technically in the earth and not on the surface)?

Marc: I realize this entire post is satirical, but if I were to jump into lava and land on my feet, my entire weight would be applied over about 1/2 sq ft. My density wouldn't be at issue, but instead the pressure I'm applying to the lava would. Granted I might not sink, but I might end up without the lower part of my legs.

Me (Erik): This is one thing I didn’t fully tackle in the original. However, think about jumping into the water from a diving board. You penetrate the surface but are usually forced back to it by your buoyancy relative to water. Water is much less viscous than lava, so it would be much easier to penetrate the surface and sink in by some depth, so if you fell the same way into lava, you wouldn’t penetrate nearly as deep. However, it would take much longer to rise back (likely longer than it would take to burn you to embers) due to that increased viscosity of lava as well.

Boris: I picked a huge chunk of dense, cold lava from the surface - it weighed a good 20 kilos - and threw it through the skylight onto the bright golden-yellow lava surface, where it impacted without creating the least bit of a dent, but rather burst into numerous pieces. If I had thrown a human being instead of that large rock, probably that unfortunate person would have burst into flame and largely evaporated before touching the lava surface. You get an idea about the heat in such environments when standing on the rim of a skylight over a lava tube - if you stand on the wrong (downwind) side, you will soon feel how your eyelashes, eyebrows and hair are seared by the heat.

In contrast, at Kilauea there are documented cases of people sinking into small pahoehoe lava flows. One of them was familiar with Etna's more viscous lavas and believed he could likewise step onto a Hawaiian lava flow, which resulted in him breaking through the crust covering the lava, and his trousers catching fire. That was very painful, and an even worse incident happened to an American volcanologist in 1985, who somehow came to SIT on an active pahoehoe lobe and slowly his legs began to sink into it, while he frantically tried to push the incandescent lava from his legs with his NAKED HANDS. So, no doubt, you can sink into a Hawaiian (tholeiitic basaltic) lava flow, and since the lavas of Erta-Ale and Nyiragongo are very similar (the latter volcanoes are still more fluid), I guess you would easily sink into those lavas, too. Unless, of course, these lavas occur in the form of lava lakes, where you'd presumably evaporate practically in the same instant you step on the lava surface.

Ed K: I think the alkalic lava at Nyiragongo probably behaves more like the stereotypical Hollywood lava.

Me (Erik): Boris has another good, first-hand account of throwing something in lava – if a rock doesn’t penetrate the surface of a flow, then the likelihood of a person to do so, even if they fell from a great height, seems unlikely. The story from Hawai’i, however, does show you can slowly sink into a lava flow – and, as Boris and Ed point out, certain lava types, such as the alkaline basalts of Erta’Ale, might make sinking easier because of their lower viscosity. Alkaline basalts are called that because they contain, proportionally, more sodium and potassium (alkaline elements) than other lavas. This extra Na and K breaks up the bonds between silicon and oxygen, lowering the viscosity of the magma. If you really wanted to have the best chance of sinking to your fate in lava, try to super-odd carbonitite lavas of Oldoinyo Lengai in Tanzania.

JayS: So, with the right shoes, you could run over lava?

Me (Erik): I thought about this some and, in theory, I would say the answer is “yes”. You’d need something like snow shoes, except instead of a mesh you have a sole of some heat resistant material. You don’t want to use anything that will transfer heat, so maybe the best bet would be asbestos – probably at least 25 cm thick. You’d want the soles to be big so they can block some of the radiant heat from the lava and you’d need to wear a heat-resistant suit (see right) as well. And you’d need to walk reeeeal slowly because falling down is not an option. The biggest issue would be that as you walk, you will sink a little into the lava and the viscosity of the lava means you will “go with the flow.” Most molten lava at the surface has some flow to it, even in a lava lake, as the hot lava churns, so the closest equivalent to this might be trying to walk across moving ice. Except you stick to the ice. And you’ll burn to a crisp if you lose your balance. So, possible “maybe” but I wouldn’t want to be on the Japanese gameshow that makes you try this out.

Claude G: Two [of them] got serious burns in Iceland and New Zealand as the crust broke under their feet on a geothermal field. The other two got much more serious burns on Lengai and Kilauea (Boris knows one of them) when a lava tube broke under the weight of their bodies. Contrary to what many people think, it would be a great mistake to walk on a lava field on Kilauea wearing fireproof boots. As long as you can bear the heat, it means lava is strong enough for you to walk on it. If your shoes start taking fire, just move away!

Me (Erik): More evidence that walking on lava might be feasible, but not recommended. I imagine more people have accidentally ended up in thin lava flows and live to tell the tale. Oddly, I don't know if I've ever seen anything about someone falling into a lava lake and dying – at least with anyone around to tell the tale.

RP Bird: Here is Gollum's death from Return: "...and then with a shriek he fell. Out of the depths came his last wail Precious, and he was gone."

Me (Erik): I can handle the questions of magma, but my Tolkien knowledge isn’t as sharp.

Greeble: I have personally walked on VERY slow moving lava at Kileua in nothing more than tennis shoes! I only did it for about 15-20 seconds, and it damaged the shoes, but I didn't sink in the least bit. A local did it first, and then I had to try it as well. As the local said, "Dude, it's rock. It's just really HOT rock. Would you sink into a bucket of gravel?"

Me (Erik): It sounds like here you were walking on A’a lava instead of pahoehoe, which is what is normally pictured in Hollywood films. A’a is cooler and slower moving, almost like a pile of hot rubble moving like a tractor-tread. That should be a lot easier to walk across than the less viscous pahoehoe lava.

214Jim: If the lava is outgassing, the gasses dispersed therein would make its density considerably lower, allowing a body to sink below the lava's surface. E.g., a ship attempting to sail through subsurface gas vent of sufficient size would promptly sink as though someone had yanked the rug from under it. (Yes, this has happened in the offshore oil industry.) But it's possible that the intense heat would cause a falling body to reach combustion temperature before it even reached the lava.

Me (Erik): This is an interesting idea – the viscosity of a magma will go down with increased volatile (mostly water vapor and carbon dioxide) content. It might not work exactly like methane bubbles in the ocean causing boats to sink as high bubble content in a lava might lead to an explosive eruption, but theoretically, volatiles could help you more readily sink.

Jan S: Does that also mean that Dante's Peak riding a truck over the lava is actually closer to reality than Gollum? Or is the truck's density (it's mostly steel after all) too high to not get stuck?

Me (Erik): This one is tricky – the scene in Dante’s Peak where our hero Pierce Brosnan (right) guns a pickup truck over a lava flow (successfully – and they even rescue the dog!) is very different than Gollum’s fate. First off, the lava flow in the scene from Dante’s Peak is thinner. Also, Pierce has the advantage that he’s not the one burning, so he can use the progressive ablation of the tires on the truck to his advantage. However, one thing that has always bothered me: Why didn’t the gas tank explode? It should have heated so rapidly when the bottom of the truck over the lava that you would think that the flashpoint for gas should have been passed, so Pierce and co. would have blown up before they could ever save Rover … but this may be a quandary for another day.

Simon Smith: In the Top Gear episode, tire temperature was maintained with water spray except when he stopped. All four tires caught fire after which he got rolling again...tires were extinguished but didn't fail.

Me (Erik): This might be one way to keep things from getting too hot – a constant spray of water to keep things cool. I have to admit, I haven’t seen this on Top Gear, but I imagine the water helps in both keeping the tires intact and from the gas tank from exploding. Problem might be the amount of water you might need to keep things cool.

Aruisdante: You would likely sublimate well before you died of asphyxiation if you flat out fell into lava. While your lungs would almost undoubtedly be irrevocably charred from the hot air above the lava (assuming relatively static air conditions over the lava), it takes about 80 seconds for the average human to fall unconscious from lack of oxygen, and I highly doubt your body will last that long.

Me (Erik): This is another aspect I didn’t really tackle – what happens on the way down or, in other words, is it the lava that will kill you when all is said and done.

Frank: Wouldn't the temperature just roast your body or would you pop like a tick with your now boiling blood? Hairs would certainly be the first to go, bones last?

Movie agents, note that my movie is a period piece! (Modified from images by pandrcutts, cruccone and coolinsights.

NZMCA: It didn't quite say beyond the obvious (that one bobs on top of lava) what really happens when you fall into it. Do you combust? Do you burn slow, writhing in agony as your flesh is seared? Come to think of it, the One Ring behaved correctly, floating gently on top and melting away like a truffle on top of a grill...

Me (Erik): I think your actual demise might vary – not to be too gruesome, but might a 150-pound marathon run see a different fate than a 400-lb sumo wrestler (see above)?

Summary: The long and short here is that you might be able to make it across lava if you have the right equipment – maybe a 4x4 truck with a 10-cm layer of asbestos across the bottom and a 1000-liter tank of water constantly spraying your vulcanized rubber tires. Then again, I have trouble envisioning a situation where you might need to employ this, except, of course, in the next big disaster movie where lava flows spread across London. I’ll be taking bids from agents/studios for that script (tentatively titled either *London Bridge is Melting Down *or Mount Python Frying Circus.)

Images: 1) USGS/HVO. 2) Schizoform/Flickr. 3) Interpretive Arson/Flickr. 4) Modified from Flickr images by pandrcutts, cruccone and coolinsights.

[doctorwer]

Quick and Dirty History of Middle-Earth Part 26 Part C

Part 26 Or So Let’s Play “What Were They Up To Before They Were Famous, Part C”

Names

Aragorn II (Revered King)

Thorongil (Eagle of the Star)

Elessar (Elfstone, given to him in reference to Arwen giving him her Elfstone)

Edhelharn (Sindarin equivalent of Elessar)

Estel (Hope)

Strider (Name used in Bree)

The Dúnadan (Name used by Bilbo)

Longshanks (Another Bree name. Reference to the fact that Bree humans had shorter legs than Aragorn with his Dúnadan heritage).

Arakorno (Quenya form of Aragorn)

Born: Third Age 2931

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 88

He has too many names. Also, his birthday is March 1st! Anyway, his father was the Chief of the Dúnadan, the Rangers. As was traditional, Aragorn, the future Chef, grew up as a foster child of Elrond. But when he was only 2, his dad, Arathorn, was shot through the eye by an orc. Yikes. Elrond didn’t want it to get out that Aragorn was heir to Gondor and Arnor, so he changed his name to Estel and didn’t tell Aragorn who he really was. Growing up, he would go ranging with Elrohir and Elladan, so he had a good relationship with his future brother-in-laws! That’s good! When Aragorn turned 21, Elrond told him all about Gondor and the throne and his legacy. Normally, books like this would have us see the part where the freak out because they found out they’re royal, but we are able to skip that and pick up at the point where he was cool with it.

Leaving his mom in Rivendell (Oh, yeah. His mom’s still around), Aragorn started going all over the place. Rohan and Gondor and just everywhere. When he was 49, he met Arwen for the 2nd time in Lothlórien on the hill Cerin Amroth and they got engaged. So he’s been engaged since he was 49... and he’s 88 now... So 20 years later, Aragorn helps Gandalf track Gollum down. He does take a brief stop by Rivendell to visit his mother on her death bed. He was 70 at the time she died. After that, he caught Gollum, took him to Mirkwood, and caught up with Frodo!

Names

Théoden (King)

Horsemaster

Ednew

Born: Third Age 2948

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 70

Théoden was the oldest son of King Thengel of Rohan. He had four sisters. Three have no names, but we learn the name of his favorite, Théodwyn. We only know her because she was also the mother of Éomer and Éowyn. Théoden didn’t speak any Rohirric, since he had been born in Gondor and spent his childhood there. Théoden spoke Common and elvish. Tsk. The elite coming in to rule; he doesn’t even know the language his people speak. After Théodwyn and his brother-in-law died, he adopted Éomer and Éowyn.

Théoden married Elfhild, who got pregnant and had a son, Théodred (they love to name the sons a name that sounds close to the dads. It’s all over the place). Elfhild died giving birth to Théodred. Théoden ruled Rohan for 40 years before Gríma really started to mess Théoden up. Little dick.

Before Gandalf joined the Fellowship, he went to Edoras to warn Théoden about Saruman and to ask for a horse so that he could catch up with the Fellowship. Of course, Théoden was still under Saruman’s control. Théoden told Gandalf to take any horse and GTFO.  Gandalf picked Shadowfax, the bestest best horse in all of Rohan. Shadowfax was descended from legendary horses who could run really fast and really far without stopping. Of course, since Théoden told Gandalf he could take any horse, he couldn’t really say anything.

Names

Gríma (Mask, Visor, Helmet)

Wormtongue 

Born: Whoooooo knoooowwwsssss

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: Probably old. He sounds old.

Gríma is a bit if a mystery. He was the son of Gálmód and a native of Rohan. Pretty simple after that. He became a spy for Saruman because he was promised he could “marry” Éowyn. He used his lies and literal poison and shit to keep Théoden under Saruman’s spell. Gollum had tricked the Ringwraiths into going to the wrong place to find the Shire, but they passed by Wormtounge. The Witch-king questioned Gríma, who was all scared and told the Nazgûl where they could find The Shire and that Gandalf had been through Rohan recently. With Saruman, Gríma’s fate is changed the most from book to film. But we’ll get to that later.

Names

Frodo Baggins (Wise by Experience)

Frodo of the Nine Fingers

Nine-fingered Frodo (What is with named people based on horrible maimings they suffered?)

Frodo Elf-friend

Ring-bearer

Born: Third Age 2968

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 51 in the book/33-ish in the movie

OK, his age is one of the few things the movies changed that don’t fit well with the rest of cannon. In the books, Gandalf was gone for several years after the party, but Frodo stayed young because of the ring. Not so in the movies, where it looks like Gandalf has been gone a few months. Anyway, Frodo was the only child of Drogo Baggins and Primula Brandybuck. When Frodo was 12, his parents died. They went out boating and some say Drogo’s massive weight sunk the boat, and for some reason they couldn’t swim. Like, why go boating, then? SO, they both drowned. For a long time, Frodo lived with his uncle, Rorimac Brandybuck, Master of Buckland (Remember, that’s one of the three leaders of The Shire). Frodo was a trouble maker. Aw. Adorable. Bilbo adopted Frodo when he was 21. Frodo was 21. Bilbo was 99.

All the hobbits inter-marry to no end, so it’s hard to pin down the exact relationship between Bilbo and Frodo, but it was closer to cousin than uncle. But since Bilbo made Frodo his heir, it probably just seemed proper to call him Uncle Bilbo. Bilbo taught Frodo elvish and a lot of the history of Middle-Earth. The two even had the same birthday. Hobbits came of age at 33. I don’t know why, since they have the same average life spans as humans, 90-100. It seems like they don’t have very long time in the ‘adult’ age bracket. But since their entire lives just seem devoted to eating, drinking, and smoking, I guess they don’t need to be an adult for all that much. It’s not like they can’t drive a car until they come of age or they go away to college when they come of age or something. Anyway, when Frodo turned 33, Bilbo turned 111. Which is the birthday we see in the movie.

Name

Boromir (Steadfast Jewel)

Born: Third Age 2978

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 41

The oldest son of Denethor II and Finduilas. When Boromir was 10, his mother died. After that, his father was a lot more unpleasant. Even though their father clearly liked Boromir better, Boromir and his brother, Faramir, were very close. Boromir looked after his little brother. So cute. He spent most of his time keeping Team Evil from crossing over into Gondor through Osgiliath. Boromir never cared to marry (make of that what you will). He preferred to fight in battles and shit. And he didn’t care about history, expect the tales of the great battles of old. He was a jock. Faramir and Boromir started having freaking dreams, so Denethor ordered Boromir to go to Rivendell for advice. Faramir really wanted to go. Sad thing is, since Faramir passes on the Ring in the book, if Faramir was the one who went, both brothers might have lived. Boromir lost his horse along the way and had to go the rest of the way on foot, which took 110 days. Ouch.

Name

Théodred

Born: Third Age 2978

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 41

The only son of Théoden. His mom, Elfhild, died giving birth to him. Théodred was an officer type deal. Second Marshal of the Riddermark. Gríma tried to get Théoden and Éomer in trouble with the king, but they were just too loyal. They always followed Théoden, even if his orders were total crazy balls. Just before we first meet Éomer, Saruman assassinates Théodred. He had his orcs attack with clear orders to definitely kill the prince. There was a huge battle around the river and Saruman’s army that would latter attack Helm’s Deep were trying to get over the river. All this complicated military stuff happened and the strongest orcs charged Théodred at once, which is yesh. He died pretty soon after, but Team Good pushed the orcs back. If you watched the extended movie, you saw Éomer finding his cousin by a river. The regular movie just had Éomer riding up with some guy and then Théodred lying in bed, dying from poison, with Éowyn taking care of him. And then he’s dead. It’s very confusing without that river scene! Like, wait, he’s poisoned??? Why???? Who is he?????

Name

Samwise Gamgee (Simple Minded)

Born: Third Age 2980

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 39

Ah, Sam. We all know and love Sam. Fun Fact: Tolkien has said that Sam was always intended to be the hero of this piece. Yeah, Frodo carried the Ring. But Sam was the one who saved us all. Mentioned because my sister was all “Blah, Frodo was a horrible hero” and I was all “…No, duh…Kinda the point…” In a letter, Tolkien wrote that Sam was the “chief hero” and he’s the only Ring-bearer to give it up with his own free will, and he ends up saving Frodo over and over again. I almost wonder if it was commentary on typical English ideas at the time? Like, I don’t know what they thought back then in England, but it almost seems like the English expected their heroes to be rich and smart? Like, look at C.S. Lewis’ work? But Sam is even called simple minded, and every character overlooks him and acts like he is less than them. Not in a mean way, but a “I’m from a well-to-do family and you’re a blue collar worker” way. Literally everyone in the Fellowship are nobles in some way except Sam. But, throughout the book, he:

was all sly and did recon re:Frodo to report to Merry

pretended to be asleep so he could listen in on Frodo when he was talking with an elf

was the only one not tricked by Old Man Willow.

he surprises everyone by reciting a poem about Gil-galad from memory

he invents his own song, on the spot

he’s arguably the most level-headed of the hobbits. Nothing much spooks him.

It’s a constant theme that people misjudge him only to be shown up later.

Anyway, Sam is the son of Hamfast “The Gaffer” Gamgee and Bell Goodchild. Sam is the only one of the four hobbits in the Fellowship not even remotely related to them. The rest are all cousins several times over and shit. Like I said. They inter-married out the wazoo. They were all upper class and Sam was lower class. Sam had five brothers and sisters and he lived on Bagshot Row, which was very close to Bag End. Bilbo taught Sam about elves and about the world out there and encouraged Sam’s love of poetry. He also taught Sam to read, which is treated like a big deal, so most of his family probably couldn't. Sam was a gardener, like his father. His father had been the gardener at Bag End, but was retiring and Sam was training to take his place around the time the movie started.

Name

Fredegar “Fatty” Bolger

Born: Third Age 2980

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 39

Cut from the movie completely. He has a younger sister named Estella who one day marries Merry. He was in on the mission Frodo was on. He helped Marry, Sam, and Pippen secret Frodo out of the Shire. He didn’t want to leave the Shire, which is why he didn’t join them. His job was to stay at Frodo’s new house as a decoy for the Ringwraiths. Eventually, the Ringwraiths showed up, Fatty ran for help, and all of Buckland was woken by the Horn-call of Buckland, which chased the Ringwraiths out.

Names

Meriadoc “Merry” Brandybuck (Great Lord)

Merry the Magnificent

Born: Third Age 2982

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 37

Merry was the only child of Saradoc Brandybuck and Esmeralda Took. He and Pippin were first cousins. Merry knew something was weird about Bilbo since he was 18, a tween (tween = hobbit culture teenagers. They stay tweens from teen years until they come of age at 33). He saw Bilbo going down the road, when the Sackville-Bagginses came up it. The wife of in this couple would be the hobbit lady that Bilbo mentions in the beginning of The Hobbit and is all “Damn bitch stole all my spoons”. Anyway, Merry saw Bilbo disappear, then reappear on the other side of a hedge. He also saw a glint of gold as Bilbo put something in his pocket. So Merry was pretty suspicious. Little snoop also stole a look in Bilbo’s private journal. Merry didn’t tell anyone what he had seen or learned, though.

He had an important role at the beginning of the book, but that’s cut from the movie. It doesn’t make a huge difference, just made Merry clearly the brightest in the bunch. In the book, Sam, Merry, and Pippin knew that something was wrong with Frodo. Sam was indeed eavesdropping under Frodo’s window that night. It was they were worried about him and Merry came up with a plan to have the three of them go with Frodo. Frodo was planning to move from Bag End to Crickhollow, a house much closer to the edge of The Shire. Frodo, Sam, and Pippen went to Crickhollow where Merry met them. Frodo was all “Dear friends, I cannot stay” and the other hobbits were all “Surprise, Motherfucker! We’re going with you!” Merry was the one who got all their necessary gear and bought their ponies. Then the story continued like normal. We can pretend that Merry did have that plan, but Sam getting caught threw everything off and they had to start before they planned to. Which is why Merry and Pippin were stealing from the field instead of waiting…Just go with it…

Name

Faramir

Born: Third Age 2983

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 36

My poor baby Faramir. He was the second son of Denethor II and Finduilas. Faramir’s mother died when he was 5. Part of the issue was because she got weak after giving birth to Faramir and never really recovered. That and the fact that Faramir was pretty much a carbon copy of his mom, personality wise, led to Denethor disliking Faramir. Boromir was like their dad, proud and liked to fight. Faramir was more gentle and loved history and music, like their mother. Faramir also became friends with Gandalf, who Denethor hated and was sure was trying to take away his rule of Gondor. Which led to Denethor disliking Faramir even more. He became the Captain of the Rangers of Ithilien, who capture Frodo and Sam. His weird dream is what leads to Boromir going to Rivendell.

Name

Peregrin “Pippin” Took (People who Wandered)

Born: Third Age 2990

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 29 (omg he’s older than Éomer and Éowyn)

Pippin was the youngest child and only son of Paladin Took II, Thain of the Shire, and Eglantine Banks. Remember that the Thain is the second of three main leaders in The Shire. Pippin and Merry were first cousins. He was also Frodo’s second-cousin, once removed and Bilbo’s first-cousin, twice-removed. Hobbits loved family trees, which is how they can say such detailed relations like this. His older sisters were named Pearl, Pimpernel, and Pervinca. I sense a theme, here. Keep in mind, a hobbit doesn’t come of age until 33, so Pippin was the only minor in the group. That justifies some of his more stupid actions, I guess.

Name

Éomer (Grand War-horse)

Born: Third Age 2991

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 28

Another one of my babies. Éomer was the son of Éomund and Théodwyn, Théoden’s sister. When Éomer was 11, Éomund was killed chasing a bunch of orcs. After that, Théodwyn became sick and died. Théoden adopted Éomer and his sister and they went to live with their uncle at Meduseld, the Golden Hall. Éomer became good friend with his cousin, Théodred, and the two loved each other like brothers. After that, Éomer became the Third Marshal of Rohan. This means he led the group of defenders of east Rohan. So Éomer lived in Aldburg, a town in east Rohan. He was meeting with his uncle in Edoras when Gríma banished him.

Name

Éowyn (Horse-joy)

Born: Third Age 2995

Age at time of Lord of the Rings: 24

This is my girl, Éowyn. Éowyn’s a BAMF. How many of you can say you’ve killed an unspeakable evil at the tender age of 24. Hell, I’m 22 and the most I’ve done is graduate college. Gotta get my shit together in the next two years. Anyway, this would be the daughter of Éomund and Théodwyn, Théoden’s sister. She was only 7 when her parents died. When Théoden started to fall under Saruman’s spell, Éowyn had to take care of him. What she really wanted to do, of course, was prove herself on the field of battle. 

Part 27 Or So Now Let’s Play ‘Where Are They Now!?’ (FINAL)

Quick and Dirty History of Middle-Earth Pt. 1

Note: Sources for all artwork can be found on the linked pages.

[hermanwatts]

Sensor Sweep: Poul Anderson and D&D, Gollum, Castle of Llyr, Insanity’s Children

RPG (Goodman Games): Although most fans of fantasy fiction and RPGs assume that the classic “old school” alignments of Law, Neutrality, and Chaos are derived from Michael Moorcock’s Eternal Champion series of stories, some will be shocked to discover that Moorcock openly borrowed that concept from Anderson. In his novel, Three Hearts and Three Lions (a book that, as we’ll see, had a huge impact on D&D), Anderson tells of a battle between the forces of Law and Chaos. Law is represented by humanity and the medieval Church.

Comic Books (Paint Monk): Conan and the Kushite queen Tananda are at a stand-off. The queen is determined to torture Diana, who she suspects of being a political tool and a spy of the cunning Tuthmes. But Conan, her new captain-of-the-guard, isn’t having it. He barks at her, telling her to put down the whip. The political climate in Tananda’s city is tense, and punishing Diana will only rile up rival nobles.

Art (Dark Worlds Quarterly): If you are like just about every person on the planet you have this great sculpture in your office or den. We all got them when we bought the first set of DVDs for The Fellowship of the Ring. Anyway, this got me thinking of all the versions of the “nasty little stinker” before the film. Unfortunately, JRR never drew him first. Tolkien was a good self-taught artist but he preferred the landscapes of his world to the characters.

Black Friday Picks (DMR Books): The three sword and sorcery anthologies that DMR released in the last few months must take precedence. S&S started out at the short story/sub-novel length and that is—arguably—still the sweet spot when it comes to tales of bloody mayhem and dark magic. The two-fisted release of Death Dealers & Diabolists—with Warlords, Warlocks & Witches following close upon its blood-stained heels—is possibly the most devastating one-two punch in the history of S&S anthologies. If I had to pick one to buy, it would be DD&D, but don’t short yourself. Buy both.

Warhammer Fiction (Track of Words): Reading Nate Crowley’s fantastic 40k novella Severed I was reminded that Warhammer fiction isn’t generally known for its humour. The clue is in the title, really (WARhammer), and certainly Warhammer 40,000 is renowned for being properly dark. The commonly-used term grimdark comes from a core tenet of 40k, after all – “in the grim darkness of the far future there is only war”. In amongst the grim, the dark and the downright nasty, however, I think there’s room for a bit of humour now and then, and certain authors – Nate included – seem to have the knack for adding a little (or a lot, in some cases) of levity into some ot their Warhammer stories.

History (Karavansara): Yes, say it aloud… The Women’s Black Hussars of Death. Why they never taught me this sort of stuff when I was in school? The Women’s Battalions of Death were all-female units formed in 1917 by volunteers serving on the side of the Russian Provisional Government, after the February Revolution. The woman who had dreamed up this brilliant idea – with the purpose of upholding the revolution and shaming men into action – was Maria ‘Yashka’ Leontevna Botchkareva, by all means a formidable woman.

Fiction (Matthew Constantine): The third book in Lloyd Alexander’s Chronicles of Prydain, The Castle of Llyr finds Taran and Eilonwy about to set off on a journey.  It seems that Eilonwy is to be taught how to be a proper princess and eventually be married off.  Taran is conflicted, which by the previous book seems to be his wont. We meet some new characters and familiar characters make their return. One of the things I like about this book is how Alexander flips the script on Taran’s relationship with a potential romantic rival.

Fiction (Mewsings): George MacDonald is a key figure in the development of modern fantasy. A friend of Lewis Carroll (whose Alice in Wonderland he read to his children in manuscript, and encouraged the Reverend Dodgson to publish), and an influence on the Inklings (C S Lewis first read Phantastes in 1916 and went on to champion MacDonald’s writings; Tolkien’s Smith of Wootton Major was the result of his trying, and failing, to write an introduction to MacDonald’s The Golden Key).

Fiction (DMR Books): It has been noted over and over and over that Brackett was a lifelong fan of Edgar Rice Burroughs. That’s cool. I can say the same about my ownself. Proud of it. However, we know that Leigh was also a fan of one A. Merritt, an author who loomed just as large over the SFF scene of the ‘20s, ‘30s and ‘40s of Brackett’s youth as ERB. In fact, it can definitely be argued that Merritt was the stronger horse in that scene during the ‘30s and ‘40s when Leigh was finding herself as a writer.

Awards (Kairos): we’ve now gained enough distance from the Sad/Rabid Puppies campaigns to do a proper postmortem on the Hugos. To recap, author Larry Correia started the Campaign to End Puppy-Related Sadness when he smelled something rotten among the oldpub clique that hands out the Hugo Awards. He set out to prove that winning a Hugo has less to do with literary merit and almost everything to do with scratching the right backs while having the right politics.

RPG (Pits Perilous): Sorcery.  The Dark Arts.  These words conjure up images of occult knowledge wrestled from forgotten old tomes and worked in guilty secrecy.  Magic is sinister.  Evil.  It comes with a whiff of brimstone at great personal cost; but such is its price.  Magic is a deal with the devil, a Faustian bargain that underscores the sometimes corrupting force of ambition.  But D&D has turned magic into a neutral energy to be manipulated, an undiscovered science exploited by studious and charming magicians to fight evil.  Quasi-Christian clerics work cheerily alongside wizened spell casters despite the adversarial nature of their occupations, and there’s nothing wrong with this except that magic loses some of its edge and, shall we say, much of its danger.

Book Review (Men of the West): One thing about which every single one of us agrees is that Rolf Nelson’s books are fantastic. His The Stars Came Back  is one of the finest stories ever written. Yes, it is written in screenplay format, but that does not matter. It takes a couple of pages to get used to it, and then – BOOM. You are whisked away into one of the most intriguing sci-fi stories penned in the past 50 years He followed that up with a prequel of sorts, The Heretics of St. Possenti, which is less sci-fi, and more foundational to the overall world that these stories inhabit. Though not really a sci-fi book, it is fantastic,and should be read by everyone.

Greyhawk (Grodog’s AD&D blog): The first question* to ask about this topic may be, “How does Allan (or anyone else) know what constitutes a rare item in the world of Greyhawk publishing?”  Well, Ant “Echohawk” Brooks maintains a Greyhawk Collector’s Guide on ENWorld, and it’s amazingly comprehensive.  I link to it on my Greyhawk Links page, and while there are still bits and pieces of info that trickle in with new discoveries, new versions or editions of books, additional Living Greyhawk tourney scenarios catalogued, and new titles written by and for Greyhawk fans being published each year, Echohawk’s work is my go-to guide whenever

Cinema (Jon Mollison): Every once in a while Hollywood accidentally does something great on purpose. It’s basically cowboys versus cannibals with the sensibility of a Cormac McCarthy film.  The basic plot of a townswoman kidnapped and dragged back to the cave of the wild west CHUDS doesn’t do this thing justice.  The meat of the film is the story of four civilized men who step up to the plate to fight for civilization and push back against the ravenous hordes.  To do so, they must set aside petty differences, lift up the weaker members of their little posse, and trust to good sense, gunpowder, and cold steel.

Sensor Sweep: Poul Anderson and D&D, Gollum, Castle of Llyr, Insanity’s Children published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/