#a beast unto ourselves

[metvmorqhoses]

"I am the Angel of Death!" ⚡️

Ramin Karimloo, Phantom Italy (July 2023)

[yanderenightmare]

I have an honest question and I don't want to sound rude or anything at all but what's so interesting about CNC. Like I see people hype it up but to me it just feels like romanticizing r4pe..I'm not really into CNC so I can't talk bad or downplay whatever they do but I'm just asking because I want to understand it better.

A question I, by no means, can answer perfectly. However, in the spirit of philosophy and amateur psychology, I will lay unto you, ye who have keen ears, my theories.

Now, I am in no way a psychiatrist. However, as I am a woman who does a great deal of fantasizing and further thinking of what I fantasize about, I thought I might assume the role of a sexologist as it is no protected title.

I’ve long wondered why we (women) fantasize about things that would appall us if manifested in reality. It makes little sense that an act so ruining in practice should make us feel fulfilled when the mere thought of it is humored.

In the vast complexities of psychology, no matter how much I drink of its depths, I can’t seem to get my fill enough to understand it. Trying to figure out female arousal is like pulling hair from a clogged gutter and trying to undo all the knots. It’s a web of contradictions.

However…

First theory – there are cultural reasons. If we accept the inbuilt instincts of old and the instincts we adopt through media while growing up – all in all, the great history of aggressive men dominating passive women – we are conditioned to accept that this is what romance looks like.

Second theory – there are the emotional reasons. The "Beauty and the Beast" motif – featuring classic co-dependency. Women submit to abuse because we have an inbuilt need to nurture others – so when we love men who require to abuse and own us in order to love us, we somehow forget to protect ourselves in favor of loving them, which in this case means allowing them to abuse and own us. It's warped.

Third theory – there are psychological reasons. In fantasies and writing or viewing, we get to reframe traumatic experiences in a positive light or rework traumatic experiences in a safe environment – a form of psychological self-defense, much like Stockholm Syndrome or a type of self-inflicted Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Fourth theory – research has also been conducted regarding physiological reasons. Here, we have another inbuilt self-defense mechanism – a seldom talked-about phenomenon – which shows that women tend to become physically aroused when they sense any possibility of sexual aggression in their environment – in order to lower their chance of injury if they are raped.

Through all this, I believe one can narrow fantasies of rough or non-consensual sex into something as paradoxical and polar as having a wish for control and a wish to relent oneself of it. And coming to this conclusion, I realized that such is the pursuit of many, even in endeavors not of the erotic kind.

Humans wish to have control just as much as humans disdain having control. This is why BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism, masochism) kinks and fetishes are found in some shape or form in nearly every romantic or sexual relationship in existence. You’ll have the dominant partner wishing to achieve control over a submissive partner wishing to relinquish control through such means of domination, humiliation, pain, and pleasure.

But it’s more complex than that, isn’t it? 

Yes. Because, contradictory – a submissive partner may wish for control, and a dominant partner may wish to lose it. Human beings are an unyielding paradox where we flex across contrasting aims with no means to an end.

Yes, we wish for control, yet disdain having it. Perhaps we find the answer to this paradox in maintaining control by losing it?

Moreover… how does this relate to nonconsensual sex fantasies?

Here, we get a fifth theory containing the ego – a spin-off of a kind from the third theory. Here we find the wish for control, where, in the lustful fantasy realm, non-consensual sex bolsters a woman's feelings of seductiveness and desirability in the way it has the power to make a man lose his decency and self-control, driving him to commit crimes of passion despite ill consequences of losing his pride and honor as a man – also, ultimately, risking getting sent to prison. 

Put simply, some women enjoy the idea of being irresistible enough to drive even a good man crazy. The thought of being attractive enough to make a man love-sick and the power and control that follows it is, in this case, a turn-on.

A sixth theory – another spin-off from the third theory – is that fantasies of rape allow women to reduce the distress associated with sex, as they are not, in this scenario, responsible for what occurs. Moreover, the logic here states that when one is forced into something, they’ll have a lesser need to feel guilt or shame about acting out their own sexual desires.

Put simply, some women wish to maintain their innocence despite having carnal desires only satiated by means of sinful acts. 

This begs another question.

Is this a lingering feeling of guilt and shame around female sexuality?

Of course! Women are constantly met with disdain when open about their sluttiness.

So, are fantasies of nonconsensual sex a type of projection they do because of this?

In some cases, yes!

Transferring our own sexual desires unto another gives us permission to act them out without feeling guilty or dirty – because, inside this fantasy, it isn’t us committing the indecencies.

... Okay then...

Summing up theories five and six:

Control. To feel wanted, lusted for, obsessed over, and coveted by others. The power of driving someone to lovesick desire, a frenzied state, where they would do anything, even illegal, to have you. Additionally, despite such harsh cases of ego, wanting none of the responsibility for it, wanting to be free of sin, to maintain innocence and purity in light of such dark desires.

Or is there a seventh theory? One found in our idyllic construct of freedom – this aimless goal of ours to make ourselves appreciate breathing – done by balancing the electric powerline between having and losing control.

Is it this act of switching places, the attraction and pull, the stimuli and response, the attack and retaliation? In the chaos of contradictions and uncertainty, we find a thrill that occupies our otherwise hibernating minds – bored to the degree that we become machines in our daily programs. 

Is it simply that we need a little extremity as a remedy for our dull lives?

Do we fall in love with illegal things simply because we are denied them? Simply because they’re illegal? Self-harm, drug use, gambling, murder, rape…

Are these things a part of us? And are we, without them, left feeling unfulfilled? Is The Purge perhaps onto something vitally important? A cure for boredom, this mediocrity that leaves us feeling so blue?

I think, if I were to find a comparison, it’s quite similar to the blind bounds of excitement others ascend to in the midst of playing violent video games. The rush of falling in and out of enemy territory, of danger and safety, from being a predator to becoming the prey, of victory and defeat, of chasing death only to be comforted by one’s remaining life – because in reality, you're safe and sound in front of a screen.

Also, in other cases - rollercoasters, horror movies, extreme sports, etc...

Yes, the wish to trip in and out of control isn’t limited to the realm of lust but is present in most aspects of life. We find it in extreme cases such as drugs, gambling, gaming, relationships, and in other subtle cases of professions and work.

If you don’t like it, that’s your business, and I wish you the best of luck in lust elsewhere.

On another note – and such another warning and disclaimer – I want you not to accept my tales of lust as love stories. Personally, I think hints of toxic displays such as jealousy, obsession, and possession in a partner are natural – but – a difference is made when such feelings become restricting to a degree you no longer feel free. I implore you to make such distinctions for yourself when regarding yourself – and, in extreme cases, when regarding others.

In said regard, I do not condone the events nor the actions of the characters in my stories – neither offender nor victim. Don’t allow yourself to fall prey to toxic partners! The signs are always there – keep a weathered eye out for them.

And no, I’m not blaming those who’ve allowed themselves to stay in toxic relationships. I, myself, am guilty of that. But I won’t excuse my poor judgment either. You know when something doesn’t feel right. We shouldn’t blur the lines of right and wrong in the name of love – or whatever else we may lend our self-control to – such as religion, culture, family, societal pressure, etc...

You are in control. Don’t forget it. And don’t allow anything else to become the case.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

The Good Samaritan

25 And behold, a certain lawyer stood up and tested Him, saying, "Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"

26 He said unto him, "What is written in the law? How readest thou?"

27 And he answering said, "`Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind, and thy neighbor as thyself.'"

28 And He said unto him, "Thou hast answered right; this do, and thou shalt live."

29 But he, wanting to justify himself, said unto Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

30 And Jesus answering said, "A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his raiment and wounded him and departed, leaving him half dead.

31 And by chance there came down a certain priest that way. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.

32 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him and passed by on the other side.

33 But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was. And when he saw him he had compassion on him,

34 and went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn and took care of him.

35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host and said unto him, `Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again I will repay thee.'

36 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbor unto him that fell among the thieves?"

37 And he said, "He that showed mercy on him." Then said Jesus unto him, "Go and do thou likewise." — Luke 10:25-37 | Third Millennium Bible (TMB) Third Millennium Bible, New Authorized Version, Copyright 1998 by Deuel Enterprises, Inc. All rights reserved. Cross References: Deuteronomy 6:4-5; Deuteronomy 6:24; Leviticus 18:15; Leviticus 19:18; Isaiah 58:7; Matthew 10:5; Matthew 18:28; Matthew 19:16; Matthew 24:34; Mark 8:34; Luke 9:52; Luke 10:38; Luke 16:15; Luke 18:31; Luke 19:28

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Notes: The parable of the Good Samaritan is a story to illustrate how we “love our neighbors as ourselves.” When other people need our help the most, like the man on the road, is when our love for neighbor is truly tested.

[bosses-stay-flawless]

Happy Indigenous People’s Day!!!

Today is National Indigenous People’s Day, today more than ever I am reminded of what it means to honor ALL of my ancestors. All across the globe the spirit of indigenous people cry out from the oppression of those that say they mean well and from those that don’t.

The energy of this day is one of celebration, celebration of the warrior, not the physical warriors but the SPIRITUAL WARRIOR. In times of war everyone wasn’t trained or equipped nor did they believe in the need for physical battle, some were trained and skilled in the arts of spiritual battle. More spiritual warriors are needed, why champion wars that devastate and cause the loss of life for any reason. Humanity was given the role of dominion over the birds, the animals and other forms of nature, In my own life I refuse to profess the love of God and behave as if I were a beast unto my brothers and sisters around the globe. There are spirits upon this earth, that are not of God no matter what your definition of God may be.

Physical battles will crop up until true love, compassion, empathy and genuine well wishes abound across humanity around the globe. The inheritance that many often speak of or work tirelessly to plan for will be of little value if the earth itself is destroyed or reduced to a worthless battlefield.

If the legacy that will be left behind is a battered, drained and devastated earth, that benefits only certain people, all that will be left to our children and future generations is ashes and rubble, in my eyes that isn’t much of a goal.

In all the plans for the future, where is peace for all mankind, where is loving others as we love ourselves, where is healing our hearts , so our descendants are not left with the mess of our own unsuccessful attempts at healing? What lessons are we re- learning so we can pass them down to a new race of beings who lead with their hearts and intuition? Misplaced hate and disguised greed is no longer an acceptable motivator, each generation new/ old souls are entering the equation, their spirit medicine isn’t the medicine and energy of old. They are the future, we are the ones responsible for ensuring that they get to experience it.

In honor of my ancestors and in reverence of my descendants, I stand here and NOW, committed to bettering the world that I live in. I am the piece that connects the past to the future as I heal, GENERATIONS HEAL. 💜

[infjtarot]

Strength. Golden Art Nouveau Tarot

Facing What Scares Us Note: In historical decks, the cards of Strength and Justice are numbered XI and VIII, respectively. In order to conform with Kabbalistic associations, their numbering was exchanged in the nineteenth century by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn (the magical order to which Arthur Edward Waite originally belonged). What makes us strong? The preceding card, the Chariot, traditionally represents the archetype of conquest—conquest in all spheres. The Charioteer who is able to rein in his unruly dark horse shows us “triumph in the mind,” as Waite puts it. Traditionally this conquest is the triumph of reason over passion, of mind over matter. In contrast, the power of Strength (or fortezza, force, fortitude, as the card was known in the earliest historical decks) is not about conquest but instead about relationship. Like the Chariot, this card also denotes the power of the human will, but the power here doesn’t look exactly like mastery. Force forces nothing. The Lady’s face is smooth and calm. Her hands are placed gently around the Lion’s mouth. Waite notes the ambiguity of this card in its traditional iconography: is the female figure opening the lion’s mouth or closing it? Waite chooses to portray the latter, and emphasizes that “her beneficent fortitude has already subdued the lion, which is being led by a chain of flowers.” De Angelis’s illustration for the Universal Tarot omits the flower garland detail but reinforces the gentleness of the Lady by adding a demure bonnet and wide collar. Over her head hovers the same figure-eight symbol for infinity (the lemniscate) that we find with the Magician. Indeed, these are the only two cards in the deck graced by that symbol. This parallel to the Magician is further emphasized in Colman Smith’s illustration for the 1909 deck. There, the Lady is garbed entirely in white, while the Lion’s skin is vibrant red. Red and white are the Magician’s colors. Moreover, the red blooms of the flower garland wrap around her waist as well as the Lion’s neck, forming a double loop of flowers that echoes the lemniscate over her head. Magician and Strength: what ties the two cards together? Strength denotes the movement of the human will as a force of alignment. Like the Magician, with his wand stretched up to the sky and the four elements laid out at his side, the Lady harmonizes with her world, joining into dynamic relationship with what otherwise might be separate and threatening. With her face bent toward the beast, their eyes engage. What might have been a dualistic opposition now takes a unitary form, like energy swirling around the two curves of a lemniscate or the two joined halves of the Tao. For many modern readers, the Lion represents our bestial nature, our unreason, our instinctual vigor. It’s another image like the black sphinx in the Chariot card—like the dark horse of desire from Plato’s allegory of the soul. Yet the roots and truth of this card spread deeper than any simple dualism can capture. The Lion is more basic and more powerful than that. Indeed, the Lion is everything that scares us. It’s everything that we would, if we could, simply reject. The card invites us to weave ourselves together with the things that scare us. We are invited to bind ourselves in the endless loop of the lemniscate, the sign of infinity and of beginnings that wrap back unto themselves. Strength reminds us of the kind of power that doesn’t aim for mastery or conquest but instead finds relationship, weaving together the good, the bad, and the indifferent. And then finally, there are those pale and delicate hands of the Lady. Tender and small, they are no match for the Lion’s teeth. Strength doesn’t arise from conquest but instead from a vulnerable patience. In this very moment, how might we turn toward the things that scare us? Lisa Freinkel Tishman

[skiitter]

So I’ve been in fandom for over half my life easily, but I’ve only begun to engage and create in the last four years or so and it is very interesting to see things from the other side, so to speak. I always envied the people who could write or draw and now that I am out here finally doing the same, it is strange that I ever felt like I couldn’t do it? But I think this comes from the way fandom is structured these days, and how the bigger the fandom, the more of a contest it becomes. When I was releasing my Johnny/V fic, I loved the interaction and talking to people about our blorbos and just feeling as though I was a part of the community. With A Darker Blue my dhr longfic, it has been nearly the opposite. There is this baked in sense of performance in a fandom as large as dhr that I fell in with. Like it became this desire for engagement above enjoyment. I NEEDED people to like this fic, as if it would validate the place I was trying to carve out for myself in this huge, ancient fandom. My very first dhr work did so well and I was like “oh very cool I can actually be a member of the fandom!!!” and then ADB didn’t immediately blow up and i was like “i am a failure, actually.” which is a ridiculous sentiment to internalize and not one that I was used to feeling. All my other one-shots and ficlets for other fandoms were labors of love. I wanted to write something for me and then put it out there for others should they wish to enjoy it. A Darker Blue became this like Goal I had to meet. If I could just be GOOD and POPULAR than I could be a proper stan and like, that’s on me for sure, but also the way that fandom operates on this scale of popularity and adhering to the accepted fanon/tropes is not my favorite and I had to step back for a bit and kind of reorient myself and the space I wanted to occupy. Idk. I am very much “terminally online” by way of my life as it is at this moment, and so it was a perfect storm of a lot of other factors, but at the end of the day I just think that it’s healthy to occasionally step back and remind ourselves that fandom should be Fun. idk. Creating a fic for the Star Wars fandom is wild since it is so many tiny pockets of ships making up the whole, whereas Dramione is a beast unto itself and i sort of lost myself.

anyway this is very long and it is all to say that i don’t know if i’ll ever update ADB again. i know it has only the epilogue remaining but it came from a strange place for me, one that i’m not sure i can get back to anytime soon. i like writing dhr and i intend to make my silly little one-shots but it wasn’t a vibe to be running myself through the ringer for no reason. again, i’m blaming only myself, but it has been an interesting lens through which to view a fandom as big and as active as dhr.

[notmuchtoconceal]

cpt. psychorrhax lingered long in brother jacek's line of sight.

his eyes could move nowhere but where they willed -- for psychorrhax moved them by subtle stirrings of weaves and misdirects.

a carnival hare in a conjurer's grip, more meat than felt. held taut by his throat, stirring in the hand of fate. though he moved with an air of what was causal, if slight and rushed -- precocious a boy that he was -- around him the currents of the air lit ablaze as if molecules ignited in figure eights, and so lent to his every motion the swell of a crashing wave and with it all the drama of a dance ~ though it was mute as the tall grass, billowing though he was still / a mound all around the vegetation.

brother jacek held his gaze -- he tracked laika everywhere.

--

- ladies, gentlemen -- girls and frocks of all lengths, colors and sizes, we are pleased to announce a very warm bruxcast welcome to our resident unmedicated self-medicating meadhead, my good friend off-the-record and an event when even-better-on, cpt. walter hlaford -- ashtree of the jaguar marines ... wally, mate, it's a pleasure to plug you on!

- pleasure, cpt. haruspex, is the most demure and stamenlike of the range of sensations available to a hearty and well-worn nerve.

- no doubt if it were in your power, you'd wish far more on me than i could ever possibly hope to endure! how're the kids, chum?

- still buried. still born. got me third up in the planter under the silver dollar. see em in the leaves, the begging mouths and pleading eyes -- year by year they grew to what they were not to be. i weep -- knowing how what i bore was not meant to be. how all i was meant to be was meant only to bore. knowing i have bored and so having known i never was.

- well, let's not let ourselves go overboard, chum. could you describe for us, mate -- your terms of service with other members of the guard?

- it would be my sincerest p

( )

-

[ ]

you dreamed of the days – when prairies still littered this land.

winds through the spores. spores carried from the stalks.

wind stirring star points on shells. 

these seeds i'd never seen. they would not bare my hand. 

the horizon of the tree lines – rippled watercolor in the dusk. the shade of some land sanded where shadow burnt umber in the dust.

these seeds i'd never seen. by sight they have scarred my eye.

the hills rolling.

rolling as papers over green – the green of the trees, the deciduous trees, which knew only green in an infinite season which was always spring.

into my lungs as in my gall, the coasts were always emerald.

the flowers lining the fields – the flowers which never ceased in the trees.

i give myself willingly – so you may be begotten.

(may be un ... forgotten)

you dreamed of the days – when desert lands still brushed the bridges.

my ancestors all – but one in a thousand of me. 

sand through the pillars. pillars of earth disfigured in cell towers of glass. 

to these bowels, sing for me ~ all will bow in time.

these barren lands where none would grow – what died here left more than bone, mere meal in the sand, for the stones stacked by those who lived gave blood without want and lacked for want of blood ~ for fountains of their own heads gushing from necks, they themselves were the fruit held ripening in hand, from hands held higher than the sun.

though a beast i may speak ~ my howl is the purer longing of myself.

this was the gift – where his hands had ordered land.

his bounty ~ receiveth gladly

for they knew only the warmth of the sun – which was the warmth of their cheeks and the warmth of the earth and the warmth in the veins of every cane they sugared and animal they hid, for all was fit to offer.

to grant some respite – i must exhaust us all to build up dead time.

radiant superabundance, we give unto you who have all –

we who will otherwise rot.

a maggot colony in limestone – a library in beef-stained salts.

the siren call in the flower of the fields – for knowing was a form of fun, and fun was always to be had when the have-nots were always most fun. 

silence is the satisfaction of they who seethe only that may soothe.

have at me, said the sway of that rump beneath the floral gown – of the fur which hung from her as drape, the petals in the weave of her skirt clung to an elegance of heft which longed ~ for the smack of some broad and timbering palm, or the serrated vise of stray and plucking fingers 

you see what i see and what i see is how much you need me.

you did not anticipate a firm smack which made you stiffen up, though you had probable cause to expect she was eager for retaliation. 

you see how i want you, and i see how badly i want to be wanted

running through the meadows, some doe leaping through the grass, you could smell the sweet of her perfume dripping from the dew of her aching cunt so rapt in the tingle between the creases locked tight between the recesses of your skull, some carousel whirred in her loins where every beast trampled upon the velvet of her floors and she spread her legs long ~ long, long ~ as they spread in the partitions of her split, for the fingers of the meadow floor brushed her loins and smeared her scent, leaving you to linger in her some broil in your head throbbing at a pulse to catch her hand to thigh and claw to back of buttock parting the curtains to take center stage in the globe where an audience of one had not yet backed up against the wall, to flee from the encroaching ravaging :-- for on the stage the peacocks sang in a quire plucked, harmonized by the heat lights, and her headdress had eyes enough to see all corners of the earth, spreading legs to lap at all cities, for she was the board who was mother of circuits, and queen of all spasms electrical and mediated. 

you see as i see – that happiness is always blind.

you see what he sees – we all see what eye sees. 

(- would you take her from me?)

the prairie sprawled out before you. perched at the edge of a stone. the sea breeze of some cliff far over trees too far from the rocks to breathe – some breeze peppering wheat by stony ash – some new day where the dawn was a distant light, for all the land shone bathed in gold. 

you ran through the fields.

all is only brushstroke around you. you have no feet – though every stone stings and mud grits the blacks beneath the rims of your eyes. 

you had no hands – your toes were not cloven, nor your fingers truly so, though they moved in the writhing stiffness they did, and beat back the land when you thrust, for overhead there was only sky.

still you ran. there was somewhere you were going. 

the shape of the sky doming for the source of the light stirred not there, but sank back to the horizon – the grass too was a dome of the glass of itself, for the sky caved into land, and below you there was only sea.

a rim of grass along the sky –

spinning for your eye was the carousel of her loins.

coming down – leaping from stone and seeing the land rise to meet you.

kicking up the dust as you kick up the stones – caving and siding as the force of you splinters the hot-specked ridges.

as some eggs crack – what is a yoke but mineral in oil.

how luminous it shines – as daybreak lingers on / the sky grows violet with bruises of the night.

some light speckling the sky – as some lights speckled the night.

the fire of our bodies – torches of molecular disgorgements – feeding only on themselves. inverts in the flat surface of a pond – only some shimmer in the black and airy night.

he would go with you. when he came that day – he would come and you would travel – one and one – out by the water's front, where from the woods you came to the city once more – and in that beautiful and tar-bright night – that beautiful and endless night – you beheld him – and you knew yourself to be only who you were, by how you held his gaze to yours ~ you longed only for the shape of him to remain, in you –

[airhorn raid installation]

- there is a coffee remaining, sir –

the tiles of the ceiling -- singing birds still stirred between them.

... only six hours old if you care to dispose of it.

in the steam of the bath, you sloshed the waters. onto the tile of the floor, the waters came. over the threshold the waters ran beneath the door.

goddamn it, kid – not when you're already gone.

get to me before you're gone. you mean it.

you got it, go get me.

you find it, you find me.

not a minute sooner or later.

[ ]

-

( )

cpt. psychorrhax was going – brother jacek had nowhere to be.

his lips had parted –

the words were only puffs of air.

laika.

cpt. psychorrhax – lunar craters filled with tar –

hardened to a starfield of glittering coal.

brother jacek seized him –

brother laika seized the wrist of the hand which seized him – laika's fingers – diving between jacek's – nails into the bed of his palm –

driving his wrists down –

shoulder caps exerting oppositional force –

bending his tendons like strings to a note –

breath between his teeth, coming as solar wind –

jacek wretching laika up – as laika forces jacek down –

their chests slam together – heads butting – cresting – twisting. two breakages along interlocking branches as their hearts and guts slam together in the iron bulwark of their abdominal walls –

the creak of the leather sleek crunchy cocks engorged in tight pads so good feels good to let laika take you places bro take him all the way down and up-down in his dumb lil eyes all predatory and happy mammal body cause he lookin at you bro so fine and so dapper so slicked back brutal you wanna rip his ribcage out and fuck him with it in have him be all happy engorged basking head-on along a streamer of spinal nerves teeth white and pearly as the vertebrate you're flossin and his body is in the air is a torso a beautiful torso in a spiffy shiny lil uniform with a lotta zippers badges and buttons shiny gold and red and grey and green and steel blue and steel oats on a torso you would lie in resplendent singular embrace with for the warmth and the smell and the soft of its pectoralis mounds dirt mounds indigenous midwestern pyramids antibiotic-fattened beef pecs on his otherwise slight, narrow, angular frame –

hard from the side. the quarter-profile. a statuesque flair of tilt otherwise nubile orderly boyscout flesh off the matt good boy joe good laik you're such a happy lil fuckin simp you're so fuckin cute the way you exalt your brother and make a study of every spontaneously delivered masculine affect for calculations observed are calculations recorded and to record is as vital as to perform as to spectate for all component parts in the whole contribute to the symbiosis which is the dream of true freedom alive which is in the natural spirit of man simply the dream of the anarchic which is the abolition of the unjust leaving hierarchy no longer a boner-gripping obscenity but an organizational schema as any other, for there is dignity in all stations, and a true king would kiss the foot of the pauper who was his brother and savor it as it was the love of his kingdom ~ facilitating as it were, truer contact between the head and foot.

you were kissing him.

deep. gentle.

– brother jacek – 

it was laika.

… i had no idea …

when he looked up at you in that way, so delicate and so mewling, with his face wet with your spittle and silvery with your pre, his soft pink lips ready to press themselves of their own accord back up and back down, to kiss again the cleft beneath yours and a lot lower down, a little bit north up your sack -- it was hard to reconcile... who he was in that moment, and who he was before, when the agony of combat drove him to show you the man you knew and expected, and yet ... which winked and leered and whispered trite and obscene beguilements to expose something ... tawdry, uncouth and begging exposure -- a cheapness entirely of his own manufacture, which was his idle heart's most unsavory pride.

- ...

- your eyes, brother jacek.

- yeah, laik?

- you call me laik …

- makes you blush.

- an involuntary response, brother jacek.

- you'd volunteer if you could.

- to blush, cpt. psychorragia? to expose myself to you for no reason other than to invite your tenderness upon me in the form of a hand to my throat – at first, a caress to the banister down some flight in the dark before you peer too abruptly where the steps give way, mischance always beckoning – for almost falling, you grab hold for dear life around my trachea, knowing if you or i should squeal, you'd wake something slumbering back – out of the darkness from which you've tipped.

- wanna rub my dick on you, bro. words feel good in my brain.

- you're at the top of the stairs, brother jacek – grinding yourself against the pedestal. you're dressed as you would have been before your enlistment – stiff in the weave of heavy gray athleisure. your chest bare – heaving as it is now in youth, flawlessly olive-branched with silver chain on marble corroded by acid rain – you are starting to bead. as though blood seeping from an invisible wound, you bead – moaning gently, as if to beckon, to stir – that beast from which you run, yet still yearn to fall between its fangs – molten rivers of silver forge running warm ~

- grab hold against the roof of its mouth, laik – 

- heaving and gasping – howling as you press –

- kick that fucker's teeth in from the inside –  

- you can hear a creak in the beams of the floor, brother jacek – you pause. not quite peering back. nothing stirs there. there is no warmth. no hiss. no moisture to imply an unseen breath – you are alone here. you hang back – imploring. there's nothing chasing you. you're on your own.

- got no reason to run.

- just somewhere to get to.

- feels good when you get behind the ear, bro.

- your smell, brother jacek –

- yeah, laik?

- …

- you are like a girl.

- i simply recognize a man ~ it's no fault of mine if women do it louder! 

- i'd still like you if you were a girl 

- …

- you don't think broey would?

- cpt. psychorragia, a less astute man would think you're confounding my reasoning to inflict damage against some fundamental axiom of my being – as i am far from less astute, i suspect your quivering pussy lips are yearning for another good rutting from your lil bro.

- bro! bro!

- thorny palms and rosy crowns 

- l a i k

- snug. tight. around your wrist ropes the massive swell. come now know the truth. let yourself cup for though bejeweled you are still humble :-- you shall receive of me ~ and of my drink, shall be restored.

- wanna squeeze it, bro. wanna squeeze it while you slide it in.

- hit your inner thigh as clitoral glide, brother jacek –

- fuck, fuck!

- what a magnanimous, big-titted bitch you are, brother jacek – as a springing trap, lying in wait – a diamond stud on lobe as delicate as sizzled mushroom – your cheeks carved of the block, on the block, spitroast by some schema which pins you to the wall as the flame roars beneath – for it heated the curtains, their iron unwarped, only so that as they descended to drape you once more, they scald your flesh ~ yet while you lingered in the shadows, brother jacek – far from the corruption of any open flame – you grew so savory in your fermentation – as a mature cheese, festooned with herbs – garlicy, goaty, some stain of merlot beneath the richness – skin ebbing creamy to bronzed – a pinstipe-strewn club and paw candy-colored around the shoulders of a young colossus, the innocent eyes of a beautiful young ephebe, bathing on green seas through windows in penthouses, melancholy in the awe of concrete slabs through descending mists ash-grey in falling skies, lit as warehouse rafters in some chasm where we hid, for man and nature reviled us alike - -beautiful though we were, and fearsome though we were few, and unknowable even at the meager distance we stood –

- they won't ever – take what's ours, bro

- no, jacek – never.

- i love you laika

- …

- …

- you still call me laika – when you say you love me.

- seemed rhythmic, bro – declarative. warranting of the full article. as though it needed to be bellowed and bellowed in full –

- would the diminutive seem too curt when screamed, brother jacek? perhaps it would make you grunt, make your chest heave and flex – collapsed throaty and apelike into a snarl of my name?

- my dick wants to slowdance with your pussy, bro

- i want a gorilla at the ball – ruin the curtains. spill the punchbowl. embarrass the entire country in front of mother.

- i feel like you're just askin me – to play myself.

- it's an excellent performance, and far from one note – you should meet the demand and flatter your adoring public more often.

- i'm not much of an actor.

- you're constantly acting – on principles, on impulses.

- is that all it is? 

- what else would it be?

- i dunno. dreamin somethin up. bein someone else.

- you can't really be someone else, brother jacek – no more than you could generate a newborn babe by squirting half a beaker of glue into your own hand – anyone you make up is simply another part of you –

- would you still wanna be with me, laik -

if i told you i didn't wanna be me?

- big bro, why wouldn't you wanna be you –

you do like being my big bro?

- …

- yacky?

- why ... why are you doing this to me?

- brother jacek, i –

- i'm trusting you, laik – i'm really ...

- brother jacek, what's wrong?

- don't. bro, don't ...

- hey, hey – cpt. jacek – it's cpt. faggot –

what stupid shit you on –

...

...

.

- laik – laika?

- hey, buddy. where you go just now?

- cpt. faggot? bro, i haven't called you that in – six fuckin years?

- gettin wacky on me, yacky –

you need a slap up the side, get you back in color?

- bro, i like you better as a bitch – you gonna sweet talk me again or i gotta make ur fuckin pussy lips quiver like the bitch that u are –

- you're the real man, bro. you know my hole is yours.

- gettin you all hot and steamy as i lube up your pussy lips with my drool 

- snarlin like a colt – feelin your heat on me as you charge in to trot –

- fuckin core you like an apple, laik. you belong to me.

- you wanna take from me, yacky? what belongs to joey?

- …

- …

- i am joey.

- … 

- …

- bro i'm joey too.

- …

- …

- laik!

- yacky!

- bro, i love you!

- bro, i love you!

- love bein yacky bro.

- bro i love bein laik.

- love bein fuckin joey.

- love bein fuckin joey so much.

- bro

- bro

- …

- laika! laika!

- laik! laik!

- yah CHECK

- yah

- SECK 

- bro bro! broo!

- as a ram 

- L A I K

- hahahahahaha

- like you laik

- yacky – yacky 

- fuck

- seeping … in your own briny seas – the wash of the waves ~

spattering a frolic of the senses

- warm, laik. makes me wanna lay here with you – soak it up.

- smears and campaigns, brother jacek

- drink to that, laik

- sparkling as always, cpt. psychorragia. 

[king-of-wrath]

To Ramon: When you came to Hell, were you arrived at the Wrath Ring or the Pride Ring?

"I believe I had been sent to Wrath, at first. It would be fitting for myself, my brothers and our counterparts, given our shared hatred for each other and the violence we would inflict. Undoubtedly, Satan would be pleased to see us maim and slaughter one another. His gaze is drawn to such things, always seeking new champions for bloody sport."

"We left for Pride, relocating ourselves across the ring as needed. I do not remember the exact year, but we had reached the border between the First and Second Circles and decided to settle there. We carved a fortress from the black rock, guarding our small territory and watching the growing Pentagram and Imp cities cautiously. Some would leave for the urban sprawl, though we did not shame them for it."

"But in time, our sanctuary would become our tomb..."

"Lucifer had decreed that all Sinners must move to the First Circle by Christmas Day, 1898. Only a minority did so, prompting the Unholy Legions to drive the rest here. We could only watch as chained masses were herded past us, knowing well we could not challenge the hosts of Goetic lords---much less those of Paimon and Satan, alongside Lucifer's very own. They were brought to the city, but many urbanites refused to take them in."

"Once every Sinner had been accounted for, Lucifer exerted His terrible power: He shook Hell itself, raising impassible mountains to surround Pentagram. We were trapped within the stomach of a massive stone beast, forced to bear witness as even more souls were thrown to its maw of jagged teeth. Our sanctuary may not have been crushed like many other places of refuge, but each one would become swollen with people."

"Then came New Year's Eve of 1899, when the first exorcists came down from on high and thinned the forsaken throngs. Every hold, every district, every street and building had been decimated in that night of blood. At noon on the following day, we were told that this night would come every year henceforth---unto the Day of Judgment, however many centuries that would be."

"I can only hope that after one hundred and twenty-four of such nights, they will NEVER come again..."

[ghostsandgod]

What then is the proper time for anger? When we are not avenging ourselves, but checking others in their lawless freaks, or forcing them to attend in their negligence.

And what is the unsuitable time? When we do so as avenging ourselves: which Paul also forbidding, said “Avenge not yourselves, dearly beloved, but rather give place unto wrath.” When we are contending for riches: yea, for this hath he also taken away, where he saith, “Why do ye not rather take wrong? why do ye not rather suffer yourselves to be defrauded?” For as this last sort is superfluous, so is the first necessary and profitable. But most men do the contrary; becoming like wild beasts when they are injured themselves, but remiss and cowardly when they see despite done to another: both which are just opposite to the laws of the Gospel.

Being angry then is not a transgression, but being so unseasonably. For this cause the prophet also said, “Be ye angry, and sin not.”

-St John Chrysostom

[metvmorqhoses]

"The Mirror"

Phantom Italy (July 2023)

[capitalism-is-a-psychopathy]

Brethren, behold the grand illusion, where human souls are measured not by their worth but by their worthlessness!

In the heart of capitalism, we find a beast with a cold, calculating gaze, attenuating the very essence of humanity. It thrives on the slow erosion of our spirits, squeezing every ounce of life until we are mere husks, consumed by the pursuit of endless gain. This system, with its ravenous appetite, preys on our deepest insecurities, whispering that enough is never enough. It tells us to consume, to produce, to deplete ourselves—all in the name of profit, all in the name of a lie.

But let us not be deceived, for the psychopathy of capitalism is not just in its exploitation, but in its insistence that we attenuate our compassion, our connection, our very humanity. It teaches us to harden our hearts, to see our fellow beings as competitors rather than kin, to dull the sharp edges of empathy until we are no longer capable of feeling at all.

And so, I say unto you, resist this attenuation of your soul! Stand firm in the knowledge that your worth is not determined by what you produce but by the love, the kindness, the light you bring into this world. Do not let the beast devour you; do not let it steal your soul. For the true measure of our lives is not in what we take but in what we give, not in what we own but in how we love.

May you stand unyielding in the face of this cold and calculating world, holding fast to the warmth of your humanity.

[mybeautifulchristianjourney]

A Prayer Upon a Solemn Occasion by Robert Bolton

Oh eternal God, most holy and most glorious, who dwells in the highest heavens, and with righteousness and truth sways the scepter of the whole world, … You are unto the wicked and rebellious wretches a terrible Judge and a consuming fire, but to the humble and repentant sinners a strong tower of defense, and their exceeding great reward. We [are] the most miserable and wretched of all Your creatures, though the most noble by creation, for they in their kinds and several conditions do You honor and service, but we whom You have placed in this world for a more singular and extraordinary glorifying of You have not only made ourselves more vile then the basest creatures, and more senseless in Your service then the beasts that perish; but have even combined with Satan, with hell and with all the powers of darkness, to blaspheme and dishonor Your great Name, to profane Your Sabbaths, to break all Your holy laws and commandments. Oh Lord, we thus sinful and unworthy, are here ashamed and confounded in Your presence; for our iniquities are increased over our heads, and our trespasses are grown up unto the heavens, so that if now in Your just judgment, You should come against us, as we have many times, and do daily most justly provoke You, it had been far better for us we had never been born.

Satan would challenge us for his; we should never see Your face again, nor the heavens, nor the earth, nor all the goodness which You have prepared for man. From the foul pollution of original sin, which has universally infected and possessed all the powers and parts both of our souls and bodies as from a filthy puddle, have issued all kinds of impurities, many works of darkness and fearful transgressions, both in our thoughts, words and actions. Much profaneness and hardness of heart [abounds], pride and hypocrisy, contempt of the power of godliness and godly men, a senseless neglect of Your Word and judgments, of the way to heaven and the salvation of our own souls. Even the best of us before our calling wearied ourselves in the vain pleasures and sinful fashions of this wretched world, being detained by the policies of hell, either in notorious sinfulness, or only formal hypocrisy.

We walked with boldness in the way of darkness and of death, after the devices and desires of our own wicked hearts, in much bitterness and malice against Your children and their sincerity. No, and since it has pleased You to enlighten our understandings with saving knowledge, and to pull us by the power of Your good Spirit out of the slavery of sin and Satan into the glorious liberty of Your children, our best actions and Your good graces in us, have been foully stained by privy pride and secret hypocrisy; we many times stay Your blessings from us by our dullness and untowardness at religious exercises, and by reason we do not faithfully those good things which we know, we have the knowledge of many evil things kept from us which we unadvisedly commit.

And whereas heretofore in our new birth, the sins of our unregeneration have woefully vexed and disquieted our consciences; yet such is the wretchedness of our corrupted nature, that we have sometimes looked back upon them even with delight, if we have escaped relapse and backsliding, we do not with that thankfulness and cheerfulness, as we ought, embrace in this happy time of grace and peace, those good means which You have ordained for our comfort and salvation; so that indeed we walk not worthy of that blessed vocation whereunto we are called, but by our many slips, imperfections and carelessness, we bring much discomfort upon our souls, disgrace to our Christian profession, dishonor to Your Majesty, and offense to our brethren.

Oh Lord, we beseech You for Your holy Name's sake, and for Your rich mercies in Christ Jesus to pardon us all these our offenses, and to forgive us all our sins known and unknown, howsoever, or whensoever committed, since or before our calling, and to bury them in the death and passion of our blessed Savior, and to hide them in His righteousness for evermore. There is no comfort to be expected to our conscience wounded with the terror of sin, either in heaven or in earth, in angel, saint, or mortal man, but only in the spotless justice of Your dear Son. Persuade therefore, we beseech You, upon a good ground, with plentiful assurance every one of our souls, that His precious blood was shed for our sins in particular, that we may sensibly feel the forgiveness of our sins and rejoice in the hope of eternal life.

And for the time to come we humbly entreat You to mortify in us all sinful affections, unruly lusts, and unlawful desires, to subdue in us the power of sin, and every corruption whereby Satan keeps us any way in his slavery, or at any time gets the dominion over us. Save us, we beseech You from idleness, worldliness, profaneness, security and all occasions whereby Your good Spirit is grieved in us, our graces weakened, and Your great Name dishonored. Vouchsafe us the spirit of judgment, that we may discern between the short span of this wretched life, and the length and breadth of immortality, that we never prefer the pleasures of sin for a moment, and a little glory and preferment in this world, before the testimony of a good conscience, and that excellent weight of glory laid up in heaven for all Your children.

Make us faithful and conscionable in our callings, zealous and sincere in all religious duties and services, and wisely resolute to stand for Your honor and truth against all opposition either by devils or wicked men. And so direct, we beseech You, and sanctify all our courses, that for a few and evil days in this vale of tears, we may so store ourselves with spiritual comfort, with a sound heart, with a strong faith and a good conscience, that we may stand firm and sure at the day of our visitation, and when upon our deathbeds we shall be set upon, by the weakness of our own flesh, the terrors of death, the fearfulness of the grave, and the fieriest darts of Satan, we may comfortably pass through them all, in the Name and power of Your Son, and be received with joyfulness and triumph into those sacred mansions, which He has already made ready in heaven for all those who truly love and fear You.

In His blessed name we pour out our souls in thankfulness, for all those many blessings and comforts which You have vouchsafed us, both upon our souls and bodies, both for this life and a better; for our health, wealth and liberty, our peace, plenty and prosperity, our food, apparel and preservation from our infancy to this very hour, and for all the good means of all these; for the free passage of Your glorious gospel now so many years amongst us. But amongst all other temporal blessings of our times, let us never forget, nor we, nor all our posterity forever, how it pleased You in our days miraculously to magnify the glory of Your mercy in our wonderful deliverance from the most secret, bloody, and fiery plot of the gun-powder treason, that great astonishment of men and angels.

All these outward comforts both public and particular are excellent and precious; yet they are such as we have common with the reprobates and those who shall never see Your face with comfort, but after a short time spent in the miserable pleasures of this vain world, shall be turned to hell and everlasting fire. We therefore more especially magnify Your great name for the more special pledges and tokens of Your infinite love, for that it has pleased You to confirm and seal unto us by our effectual calling, and the earnest of Your good Spirit, our election to eternal life from all eternity, our particular redemption from the powers of hell by the death of Your Son, and an undoubted assurance of the joys of heaven in the world to come. Increase in us good Lord, we beseech You, daily more and more this blessed assurance, which we infinitely esteem more dear then ten thousand worlds, by making us to grow in repentance and faith, and spiritual wisdom, and framing us to the obedience of Your Son in all knowledge, love and obedience.

Furthermore gracious Father, we humbly entreat You, with the bowels of Your tenderest compassions to be merciful unto Your whole church and every member thereof. Fence it mightily, we pray to You, with the Spirit of truth, knowledge, and zeal and constancy, that in these worst and last days it may make a strong resistance against the great main floods of popery, schism, profaneness and atheism.

Be gracious unto this sinful kingdom, and enter not into judgment with the horrible and crying sins, and the many fearful provocations thereof.

In the same look down with the special eye of providence and protection upon our dread sovereign James, by Your grace king of Great Britain, France and Ireland, defender of the truly catholic faith, and in all causes, and over all persons, next and immediately under Your Son Christ Jesus in all his dominions supreme governor. Oh Lord, as You have enlarged his royal heart even as the sand which is on the seashore for understanding, learning and wisdom, so we beseech You to continue unto him a proportionate measure of holiness, zeal and sanctification for the execution of that great place wherein You have set him, and the enlargement of Your Kingdom here on earth. Settle his crown fast upon his head, that he may long and religiously reign over us in despite of all his enemies both at home and abroad. Vouchsafe all the graces of Your good Spirit unto his gracious queen. Plant the true fear of Your great Name in the princely heart of his son, and let Your watchful providence and Your loving mercies forever rest upon all that royal family. Inspire his honorable privy counsel, his nobility, gentry, and magistracy with spiritual wisdom and heavenly understanding. Lead them all into Your sanctuary, and teach them out of Your holy Word, first and chiefly those things which concern Your honor and glory, the good of the people which depend upon them, and lastly the comfort of their own souls at the dreadful day of judgment, when they shall give an account of their stewardships.

Enrich, we pray to You, with Your best graces all the reverend bishops and ministers of this land. Endue them plentifully with knowledge, zeal, sincerity and discretion, that by their faithfulness and conscionable discharge of their duties, the many multitudes in this land that lie in darkness, ignorance, profaneness, popery and schism may be brought to the knowledge of Your truth, into a holy obedience to Your heavenly gospel to their own everlasting salvation.

Bless and be merciful to both our universities, Oxford and Cambridge. Comfort all Your distressed children wheresoever, or howsoever afflicted, whither with pestilence, war, famine, banishment, sickness, poverty, imprisonment, disquietness of mind, vexation of conscience, want of spiritual comfort, or whatsoever other cross or calamity it pleases You to exercise them with. Give them in the meantime a sure faith in Your promises, and inward comfort in Your blessed Spirit, and in Your good time a happy deliverance, whether by life or death, as it shall be best for Your glory and the good of their own souls.

Lastly, gracious Father for this sacred business we have now in hand, we humbly beseech You to bless and sanctify unto us at this time the preaching and hearing of Your holy Word, it is the ordinance of Your own infinite wisdom, it is the glorious instrument which You have appointed for the conversion and salvation of the souls of men. But unto us miserable wretches it has been many times through the barrenness of our hearts, the secret and deceitful corruptions of our nature, much sleepiness and drowsiness, but as water spilled on the ground, and even the breath of Your ministers scattered in the air. Forgive us, dear Father, all our former untowardness, irreverence and unprofitableness in these holy exercises; and now at length before we go down into our graves, into black and cruel habitations, from where we must never return to praise You upon earth; let us feel Your divine finger working in us effectually at the preaching of Your Word. Let us have the sense of Your omnipotency in conquering our corruptions and temptations, that we being thoroughly sanctified both in our souls and bodies, forsaking all our known sins, and laboring with sincerity to please You in all things, may have our fruit in holiness, and the end everlasting life. Amen.

Source: Gleaning from Puritan Prayers (Vol. II)

[gatekeeper-watchman]

Daily Devotionals for July 30, 2024  

Proverbs: God's Wisdom for Daily Living

Devotional Scripture:

Proverbs 21:23-24 (KJV): 23 Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles. 24 Proud and haughty scorner is his name, who dealeth in proud wrath. Proverbs 21:23-24 (AMP): 23 He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from troubles. 24 The proud and haughty man -- Scoffer is his name -- deals and acts with overbearing pride.

Thought for the Day

Verse 23 - It is profitable to learn to be careful in what we say, since wise words can keep us from trouble. There is another scripture in the New Testament that elaborates on this:

"...If any one does not offend in speech-never says the wrong things - he is a fully developed character and a perfect man, able to control his whole body and to curb his entire nature. If we set bits in the horses' mouths to make them obey us, we can turn their whole bodies about. Likewise, look at the ships: though they are so great and are driven by rough winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the impulse of the helmsman determines. Even so the tongue is a little member, and it can boast of great things. See how much wood or how great a forest a tiny spark can set ablaze! And the tongue is a fire. [The tongue is a] world of wickedness set among our members, contaminating and depraving the whole body and setting on fire the wheel of birth (the cycle of man's nature), being itself ignited by hell (Gehenna). For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea animal, can be tamed and has been tamed by human genius (nature). But the human tongue can be tamed by no man. It is a restless (undisciplined, irreconcilable) evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who were made in God's likeness! Out of the same mouth come forth blessing and cursing. These things, my brethren, ought not to be so. Does a fountain send forth [simultaneously] from the same opening fresh water and bitter? Can a fig tree, my brethren, bear olives, or a grapevine figs? Neither can a salt spring furnish fresh water" (James 3:2-12, AMP).

We all say things that we regret later. When we do, the only way to correct the situation that we created is to admit that what we said was wrong and apologize for it. This is difficult to do, but it will win us more respect than allowing pride to rule us and refusing to admit that we were wrong.

Verse 24 - Man's pride is delicate and he will become defensive and easily offended if provoked (unless he yields to the Holy Spirit). This is why proud people become angry easily and are overbearing. No one likes an arrogant, domineering person. We must ask God to forgive and change us if we tend to demean and control others. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. May we all learn, therefore, to humble ourselves before Him! "Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time" (1 Peter 5:5-6).

Prayer Devotional for the Day

Dear heavenly Father, I am thankful for Your grace and mercy toward me. I need help in the area of guarding my lips. Lord, give me the grace to keep my mouth shut when I should not speak, and give me the holy boldness to speak up when I need to do so, without fearing what others will think about me. May I be a person who blesses others and not one who curses others with a negative confession about them? Cleanse my heart, oh Lord, so I will not even want to speak evil or bad things. I humble myself before You, Lord, and ask for a meek and lowly spirit like Jesus, our Saviour, has. In His name, I pray. Amen.

[mariamga2024mi4017]

12 Years a Slave - Time to watch the film!

21/07/2024

Important facts to note down before watching the movie: -

Novel - '12 Years a Slave'

Author - Solomon Northup (Main character in the film)

Published year - 1853

Film - '12 Years a Slave'

Director - Steve McQueen

Released date - 2013

I'm finally going to start watching the movie so I can jump right into analyzing it and comparing the story in the novel vs what's shown in the film!

Before watching the movie, I created a template on 'Miro' to help me analyze important aspects of the film! (This template has similar topics to what Irushi gave us during our class analysis of the 'Psycho' film.) I will be using this template once I finish watching the movie.

While watching the movie, I hope to write down some notes so I can fully concentrate on each movie scene and the significant characters.

After movie thoughts:-

This movie was a tough one to watch. Having to sit through and watch the emotional and physical violence the kidnapped/ enslaved Black men, women, and children had to go through made me feel guilty and helpless.

The beginning of the film seemed a bit confusing to me because of the overlap between a future scene and the present linear narrative. Now that I think about it, it gives the audience a taste of what 'Solomon Northup' (the main character) has to endure in the future. We have been thrown into that dark, cold, harsh, and dehumanizing environment that Solomon was forced into before we see who he was as a freeman. (His perfect life)

When we see Solomon as a freeman, we can relate to him. We see him have the ideal lifestyle with his family and enjoy playing the violin at parties: although it is for a brief moment. This relatability helps us as an audience to place ourselves in his shoes. Whatever fear and uncertainty he has to experience in captivity, we experience it along his journey.

I believe the nudity in some of the scenes was uncomfortable a saddening to watch. It's so difficult to fathom how people could be treated in such a manner. To have to wash themselves out in the open for their masters and mistresses to watch, to be displayed naked in the market for buyers. Being described as 'fine beast' or 'fine creature' as if those black men, women, and children were animals are all enraging terms. These scenes showcase how these men, women, and children were dehumanized because of their skin color. (racism and bigotry)

Another important thing I noticed is the misinterpretation of the Bible scriptures. The 'Slavers' use biblical references to justify their abuse of fellow humans. (In their eyes, their slaves) The movie showcases that, 'when religion is abused, nothing good comes from it'.

e.g: - Although Mr. Ford may seem like a righteous and sympathetic man who wants to bring good morals to a place where it doesn't seem to exist, it doesn't change the fact that he is a 'slaver'. (He's still doing the wrong thing although he knows it is wrong)

e.g:- Edwin Epps is an important character to highlight in terms of abusing the words in the scriptures. His character proves that when religion is taken out of context, it'll show something different than what it's supposed to mean. (Jesus is the merciful lord that is being spoken about in the scriptures. However, Edwin reads the scriptures as an instruction guide for his slaves not to defy his dictatorship.)

I noticed quite a lot of symbolism in the film like the violin, the letter, the chains, etc. and these all link to significant parts of Solomon's story. I hope to type them down unto my 'Miro worksheet'.

For the time being, that is all regarding my thoughts on the film. The following video I came across on YouTube also helped me understand more about the violence portrayed in the film...

Points I wrote down while watching the film:-

I'll have to admit that I couldn't write as many notes as I expected. Felt like I could only write down my thoughts and opinions for after the film. Most of the scenes jump to sudden cuts as well (according to Steve McQueen's vision) So I just couldn't take my eyes off the screen to write down scene occurrences.

However, I have managed to write down the names of important characters and their significance to the story while watching the film!

That's all for this post! In my next post, I plan on posting the completed version of the 'Miro worksheet- table'. Thank you for reading :D

[bills-bible-basics]

DEATH AND HELL -- KJV (King James Version) Bible Verse List Visit https://www.billkochman.com/VerseLists/ to see more. "The sorrows of hell compassed me about; the snares of death prevented me;" 2 Samuel 22:6, KJV "The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me." Psalm 18:5, KJV "Let death seize upon them, and let them go down quick into hell: for wickedness is in their dwellings, and among them." Psalm 55:15, KJV "The sorrows of death compassed me, and the pains of hell gat hold upon me: I found trouble and sorrow." Psalm 116:3, KJV "Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold on hell." Proverbs 5:5, KJV "Her house is the way to hell, going down to the chambers of death." Proverbs 7:27, KJV "Because ye have said, We have made a covenant with death, and with hell are we at agreement; when the overflowing scourge shall pass through, it shall not come unto us: for we have made lies our refuge, and under falsehood have we hid ourselves . . . And your covenant with death shall be disannulled, and your agreement with hell shall not stand; when the overflowing scourge shall pass through, then ye shall be trodden down by it." Isaiah 28:15, 18, KJV "Yea also, because he transgresseth by wine, he is a proud man, neither keepeth at home, who enlargeth his desire as hell, and is as death, and cannot be satisfied, but gathereth unto him all nations, and heapeth unto him all people:" Habakkuk 2:5, KJV "There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day:‭ ‭‭And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores,‭ And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man’s table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.‭ And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham’s bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried;‭ And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.‭ And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.‭ But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.‭ And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that ‭would come‭ from thence.‭" Luke 16:19-26, KJV "O death, where is thy sting? O grave [hell], where is thy victory?" 1 Corinthians 15:55, KJV "I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death." Revelation 1:18, KJV "And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Death, and Hell followed with him. And power was given unto them over the fourth part of the earth, to kill with sword, and with hunger, and with death, and with the beasts of the earth." Revelation 6:8, KJV "And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works. And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death." Revelation 20:13-14, KJV If you would like more info regarding the origin of these KJV Bible verse lists, go to https://www.billkochman.com/VerseLists/. Thank-you! https://www.billkochman.com/Blog/index.php/death-and-hell-kjv-king-james-version-bible-verse-list/?feed_id=177795&DEATH%20AND%20HELL%20--%20KJV%20%28King%20James%20Version%29%20Bible%20Verse%20List

[craftylovegentlemen]

Genesis

Chapter 37

1 And Jacob dwelt in the land wherein his father was a stranger, in the land of Canaan. 2 These are the generations of Jacob. Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brethren; and the lad was with the sons of Bilhah, and with the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives: and Joseph brought unto his father their evil report. 3 Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of many colours. 4 And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him. 5 And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told it his brethren: and they hated him yet the more. 6 And he said unto them, Hear, I pray you, this dream which I have dreamed: 7 For, behold, we were binding sheaves in the field, and, lo, my sheaf arose, and also stood upright; and, behold, your sheaves stood round about, and made obeisance to my sheaf. 8 And his brethren said to him, Shalt thou indeed reign over us? or shalt thou indeed have dominion over us? And they hated him yet the more for his dreams, and for his words. 9 And he dreamed yet another dream, and told it his brethren, and said, Behold, I have dreamed a dream more; and, behold, the sun and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me. 10 And he told it to his father, and to his brethren: and his father rebuked him, and said unto him, What is this dream that thou hast dreamed? Shall I and thy mother and thy brethren indeed come to bow down ourselves to thee to the earth? 11 And his brethren envied him; but his father observed the saying.

And his brethren went to feed their father's flock in Shechem. 13 And Israel said unto Joseph, Do not thy brethren feed the flock in Shechem? come, and I will send thee unto them. And he said to him, Here am I. 14 And he said to him, Go, I pray thee, see whether it be well with thy brethren, and well with the flocks; and bring me word again. So he sent him out of the vale of Hebron, and he came to Shechem. 15 And a certain man found him, and, behold, he was wandering in the field: and the man asked him, saying, What seekest thou? 16 And he said, I seek my brethren: tell me, I pray thee, where they feed their flocks. 17 And the man said, They are departed hence; for I heard them say, Let us go to Dothan. And Joseph went after his brethren, and found them in Dothan. 18 And when they saw him afar off, even before he came near unto them, they conspired against him to slay him. 19 And they said one to another, Behold, this dreamer cometh. 20 Come now therefore, and let us slay him, and cast him into some pit, and we will say, Some evil beast hath devoured him: and we shall see what will become of his dreams. 21 And Reuben heard it, and he delivered him out of their hands; and said, Let us not kill him.

22 And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, but cast him into this pit that is in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again. 23 And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stript Joseph out of his coat, his coat of many colours that was on him; 24 And they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit was empty, there was no water in it. 25 And they sat down to eat bread: and they lifted up their eyes and looked, and, behold, a company of Ishmeelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicery and balm and myrrh, going to carry it down to Egypt. 26 And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit is it if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood? 27 Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmeelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he is our brother and our flesh. And his brethren were content.

28 Then there passed by Midianites merchantmen; and they drew and lifted up Joseph out of the pit, and sold Joseph to the Ishmeelites for twenty pieces of silver: and they brought Joseph into Egypt. 29 And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph was not in the pit; and he rent his clothes. 30 And he returned unto his brethren, and said, The child is not; and I, whither shall I go? 31 And they took Joseph's coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood; 32 And they sent the coat of many colours, and they brought it to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it be thy son's coat or no. 33 And he knew it, and said, It is my son's coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces. 34 And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days. 35 And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him. 36 And the Midianites sold him into Egypt unto Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh's, and captain of the guard.

Genesis 37

Diane Beauford