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levis-coffeecup · 5 months ago

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chapter 26| Promise

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Summary

The underground is filthy and dark. Dim lights, dull alleys, and desperate hearts. A place Levi knows as well as the back of his hand, and a place he would do anything to get out of.

Chapters of life roll by and with the turn of a page, things drastically change. In front of him is the opportunity to live on the surface. And the flimsy bridge that he has to cross. From an uncivil criminal to a disciplined soldier.

But life on the surface seems tougher amidst all the mockery, civilities, and the gaping hole left in his heart, after the demise of his dear friends Isabel and Farlan.

Content/Warnings

canon- compliant, canon-typical violence, spoilers for No Regrets OVA, descriptions of PTSD, grief, depression, heavy angst and themes, strong language, self-hate, physical assault.

Author’s Note

Hiiii,

This is definitely one of my favorite chapters in the fic. Had this chapter in mind, ever since I was coming up with the idea of writing this fic.

Hope you enjoy it, as much as I enjoyed writing it! Song for this chapter is Aaj Jaane Ki Zidd Na Karo by Arijit Singh.

Chapters

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23

Masterlist | Playlist | Other Works

MAY 850

The harsh summer sun is waning, and the clouds part to reveal a gradient of pink and purple in the sky. The incoherent chatter of passers plays like white noise, and Levi walks through the narrow lanes of Trost.

He finds the evening sky is calming.

He was here, just a few days ago too. Busy running away from Kenny and protecting Eren from the clutches of the royal family.

But things are different today. The stress on his mind has reduced immeasurably. There is a slight bounce in his gait, and he almost smiles, as he sees two kids run past him, with a kite in their hands.

Things have started falling back into normalcy. From the capture of the Female Titan to the false breach of Rose. Humanity is slowly healing.

And to Levi, the humdrum of a mundane life has always felt comforting .

Mae’s house appears at a distance. It doesn’t look the same as before, but the repairs made by the government are functional. Mae seems to be comfortable.

And Levi smiles as he sees a candle, flickering through the window. She’s home.

He picks up his pace, the beat of his heart picking up as well.

The yellow walls that he once looked at with distaste, have now found a place in his heart. And a simple slab of wood has never seemed so welcoming. It feels like he hasn’t seen her in forever.

His knocks on her door almost seem urgent. And he taps his foot to somehow contain his excitement.

Then he hears the sound of the latch being opened. And he’s just about to make a comment about her taking a crap for too long. But her voice reaches him first, taut from all the crying.

When the door finally opens, Levi is taken aback by the sight of her..

Her hair is disheveled, her cheeks are tear stained. And her eyes sing of the tragedies and woes of all mortal beings.

The picture is hauntingly similar to the time when her parents died.

“Levi.” her voice frays. The sound tugs all his heartstrings, and he steps inside, closing the door behind him.

Her composure breaks the moment she meets the gray in his eyes. And her hands tremble as they cradle his face. Staunch disbelief makes her eyes go wide, and a single tear falls from her waterlines. As if millions haven’t fallen before already. “I-I thought you were dead,” she croaks.

The pain in her eyes is just a glimpse of what she’ll go through, the day he actually ends up dying. And Levi gulps at the sight. The possibility of that happening is higher than he’d like to tell her.

It’s a happy day though. He should think of happier thoughts.

“Come here,” he opens his arms wide, welcoming her in a hug. And she jumps into his arms desperate to feel the pulse inside his chest.

Her shoulders quake with an intensity that makes Levi queasy. Her restlessness gets the best of her. And her grip around him doesn’t loosen, even when he carries her to the couch, and sits on it. “Where were you?” she cries. “ So m-many people were t-telling me t-that you were k-kiled by the government.”

He rove his hand over her head. “ I’m alright… I’m right here, aren’t I?” And the pads of his finger are gentle as they wipe the tears slipping down her face. “I’m going to be safe now… Historia is the new Queen.”

He speaks with logic, but he does not make sense to her.

Her hands still tremble against his skin. Scared that he will disappear into thin air.

She looks like she hasn’t slept for days. And his heart breaks, unable to comprehend the turmoil she’s been through this past week, while he was busy with his undercover mission.

In an attempt to distract her, he bends and takes out the knife he keeps strapped to his ankles. “Here..” he holds it out to her. “Sasha stitched this wound for me,… but it must have healed by now… mind, taking the stitches off?”

“Wound?” She panics. It’s something that completely slipped past her mind. “ Oh my god! I didn’t consider that, and I just jumped on you.” Her hands start frantically roving over his frame. “Are you hurt anywhere, did you-”

“Sweetheart, “ a rare laugh slips past his lips, and he cuts her off by putting his finger on her lips. “Wouldn’t I walk differently if I had an injury that serious?”

He takes off his shirt and turns his right arm towards her. “See, one wound is, that’s all… not a scratch anywhere else.”

And Mae gulps, as she takes the knife in his hands.

No matter what she thinks of, the facts, the wins, the strength of Levi Ackerman, the tears don’t stop. They rage like the walls of a dam, left abused and broken. And every part of her still trembles. Her fear still holds her in a vice grip.

It all started when she heard a few distant gunshots. Then the fight between Levi and the Military Police became the talk of the town. People saw him dash through the roads, with the police hot on his tail. Some saw him surrounded by armed men in a Tavern as well.

In the next few hours, the government was arresting the Survey Corps, Erwin was going to be prosecuted, and Levi was nowhere to be found.

And all Mae heard all day long were rumors about his disappearance, and the thoughts of his dead corpse. She couldn’t sleep, she couldn’t eat. Completely consumed by the anxiety of losing him.

Next thing she knew, there were wanted posters with a drawing of Levi on every wall. He had a huge bounty on his head, and she even heard people conspire ways they would find him.

As it is she faced the fear of losing him with every mission he went on. But now he wasn't even safe inside the walls? The one place she thought he'd be safe…

Days came and went.

The long line of patients at her clinic somehow kept her busy during the day.

But the nights were the same. With her tossing and turning in bed, helpless. She physically felt her heart rip to pieces, at the thought of never seeing Levi again.

The knife in her hand quivers as she brings it closer to the bandage wrapped around his upper arms. She hasn’t lost him yet, the thought leaves a bittersweet aftertaste.

Then Levi cups both of her cheeks, and looks into her eyes.

The knife is so close to his skin. Unsheathed and sharp. And yet he stills for minutes. And yet he closes his eyes as he presses his forehead to hers.

It's a different kind of intimacy, not one he even registers now. All his are instincts pushed to the side

And as he keeps her in his palms, foreheads pressed and eyes closed, his love conquers. And he wastes no time to claim her, pressing his lips onto hers.

She melts with every little kiss. And she finds herself, settling into his warmth . Losing herself in the feeling of his lips against hers. It's so strong, that it pulls her out of her fears, and tethers her back to the world.

He angles her face, as he pulls her closer. And she finds home, in the erratic rhythm of his heart.

When they part, all their worries scurry away, even if it’s just for a fleeting moment. And Levi puts his head on Mae’s lap. Tired from all the happenings of the week.

So much has happened, and much more is bound to happen. The mystery of the titans is only unfolding. And so far it has been taxing. His eyelids start drooping shut, and his breath evens out.

When he looks up he sees Mae. And she smiles, still teary-eyed. Holding him with such tenderness, it makes him feel delicate.

He lets the warmth of her eyes wash over him.

“Mae,” he reaches an arm up to touch her face.

And Mae nods, pushing away the hair that falls on his forehead.

“Kenny… “ he gulps. “Keny didn’t leave me because I wasn’t good enough…”

And she tucks a strand of hair behind his earlobe “I always told you, you were perfect, didn’t I?”

A rare smile traces on his lips. And even though his cynical mind wants to run off with more questions , he lets that part of him rest. The last thing he remembers before sleep comes to him is Mae telling him she’ll make a mask for his hair in the evening.

━━━━━━━━━━━━

AUG 850

The night treats Mae cruelly.

It's cold, heavy, and dark. The lights are dimmed out, and people sleep peacefully in the illusionary safety of these walls. Forgetting that there is still a war to be fought, an enemy to be conquered.

Days have passed by in a flash.

And restlessness has conquered her thoughts. Peace has eluded her. And she can only try to comfort herself, as she looks at the tall walls that surround Trost.

Levi goes past them tomorrow. Tomorrow he goes to conquer Shinghansina again.

And yet he isn’t beside her.

She decides to not read into it. She knows how he can be sometimes. And she knows how stressful the nights before a mission are. Especially for a mission as tough and risky as this one.

The Survey Corps is going to go all out.

The wind blows in her face. And her lips tremble as she looks over the sleeping city. The uncertainty of tomorrow’s mission has captured her entire heart. And its claws dig in. Slicing gashes across her skin, and making her heart bleed.

She feels dizzy, and a single tear slips past.

His memory haunts, night and day. She wishes he was here, spending a few moments with her before he puts his life on the line again.

But her job is to make his life easier, not to burden him with her desires. And she can only hope that he finds the time to come meet her, before he leaves for the mission tomorrow.

She can only hope she’s being good to him.

And Levi sits in the dark corner of a desolate shop. With a bottle of whisky by his side, and his hands touching the filthy dust on the floor.

Outside, the sound of Eren, Mikasa and Armin fills the quietness. They chatter about all that is lost and all that they still look forward to.

In them he sees Isabel and Farlan. After all they too were naive, young kids who were forced to grow up a little too young.

Armin concludes that he wants to see the sea. The enthusiasm woven in his voice is infectious.

And Levi gulps. Isabel wanted to see the sky too.

And yet he is the only one who gets to see the sky everyday. It’s unfair, something he doesn’t deserve after all the times he’s fucked up.

Tomorrow is a big day though. He hopes he can make them proud. And he hopes he can avenge all his fallen comrades.

The thought makes him feel content yet also nervous. They’ve come a long way. And yet they stand at a place where everything is uncertain.

No one knows how many shifting titans wait for them out on the battle ground. No one knows the type of terror might be hauled onto them. And for the first time, Levi is failing to understand Erwin’s motives as well.

The thought itself makes him furious. And he plops open the cork of the bottle, and gulps down its contents.

The alcohol burns his throat and bleeds into his bloodstream. Ushering him to the brink of a collapse, that he is dangerously close to.

Every time he shuts his eyes close, his heart begins to race. Wrecked by the weight of the world and the cynicism in his head.

He brings the bottle to his lips again. Gobbling the liquid until the bottle is half way done. It’s a good distraction.

A good distraction from the people that will inevitably die tomorrow. A good distraction from Erwin, who despite his pitiful condition is hellbent on going to the mission

Mikasa, Eren and Armin get up, and Levi doesn’t try to hide in the shadows. He’s a little too absorbed in his grief to even think of that. Fortunately for him, they don’t notice either.

He drinks, he drinks, he drinks up his misery. It's one of those days, where every loss he has ever endured comes crashing towards him.

His eyes ache, tired. His brain throbs, numb. And his entire body hurts, but it doesn’t stop trembling from restlessness. He’s exhausted, but sleep can’t grace him. He’s hungry, but the stress of the mission also takes his appetite away.

The night gets colder, and he shivers, sticking closer to the musty wall he rests his back on.

He fears he’s a little too close to self destruction. Shrouded by darkness, surrounded by doubts. A little too far away from everything and everyone.

And with his tattered soul, he carries himself to the only home he’s ever known.

━━━━━━━

It's 1 in the morning when Mae’s door rattles open. And she can’t help the tears that spring up in her eyes as she takes in Levi’s form.

Levi’s eyes give away. Distressed underneath the expectations he has for himself, and tormented by the uncertainty that comes along with the mission.

His breathing is heavy and she rushes closer to him. Taking the empty bottle of whisky from his hands and hauling him inside. “Where have you been all this while,” she reprimands.

Not an answer. It's often like this with Levi. He still hesitates to open up, to show where it hurts.

To him it's still a mere weakness.

Little does he know, she loves him the most when he’s weak and vulnerable, yet strong in his resolve and ambition. So beautifully human.

She makes him sit on the couch and snakes an arm around his waist, to hold him still. “Are you feeling alright?”

“Tch,” he scoffs and pushes her away. “Of course I’m alright, I know my limits with alcohol, I’m not going to drink when there's a mission 12 hours from now.” His tone is confident, but his eyes remain vacant.

His body is here, physically present. But he is somewhere else, a distant place where she can’t reach no matter how hard she tries. And she feels lost in all the darkness he resides in.

“I’ll run you a warm bath to clean you up, or would you like some tea.” She pleads, hoping something helps. The last thing she wants is for him to go on the mission in such a miserable state.

But he doesn’t answer again. He just sits, quietly fluming, and overwhelmed as hell.

And Mae rushes to bring a wet washcloth, to wipe the dirt gathered on his knuckles.

The cooling sensation of the cloth brings him back to this earth. And he watches as she takes his hand in hers, and gently rubs the filth away.

His eyes drop to her lips, and he blinks. The strings of his heart tug at him, feeble when she’s with him.

Her love alone has the strength to make him surrender. And he leans in, pressing a gentle peck on her lips. It’s a sweet distraction.

A couple moments pass by in stifling silence. And as she gets up to put the cloth away, his hand latches to her wrist.

“Sit…here.” There’s an underlying agony in his voice, that makes her break a bit.

He can never see how sad he looks from her perspective.

And whilst Levi struggles with the criticality of tomorrow’s mission, Mae struggles with something too.

The possibility of losing him.

Turmoil has weighed heavily over her the past few days. From one thing to another, she’s hardly gotten any rest. And now Levi leaves again tomorrow. It feels like sadness looms over them like a heavy cloud ready to rain.

“Come let's sleep, honey… “ She sits next to him again. “You have a mission tomorrow.” Her voice almost frays at the cruelty of the moment. The condition he’s in breaks her to pieces.

“No I don’t want to sleep,” his answer is immediate. Maybe he’s having it a little too hard with his nightmares. “You go and sleep. I’ll just stay here for a while.”

“I slept already… in the afternoon today,” she lies. Deciding that Levi needs her more, than she needs her sleep. “How about we put a mattress on the terrace, and watch the stars?”

And Levi follows, always working well with orders.

He helps her take the mattress up the stairs.

The night has turned colder and the cold bites at his hands. He shivers as he sits unusually stiff.

Soon Mae brings a set of blankets and pillows, to keep the both of them warm. And they lay down, watching the stars twinkle above.

The stars always made Levi feel better, a constant reminder of where he had begun and how far he has come. And Mae hopes that today they remind him of how proud she is of him.

She holds his hand first, and then she turns towards him. Shifting close.

And Levi gives in, defeated and exhausted. She takes her time to gently kiss the creases between his brows. Until they fade

Their feet mingle under the warm blanket. And they snuggle up, arms wrapped around each other.

Moments trickle by in silence and the effect of the alcohol fades away. The only thing that remains now is the warmth of her arms and the steadiness of her breath.

And Mae is a reminder that whilst there isn’t much positivity in this cruel cold world, there is always warmth.

He takes a deep breath. The sound of which is loud in the silence.

“My mom…” He exhales heavily. “I don’t remember much of her, but she would say that the stars are nothing but the souls of all the people that have left the world. Scattered across the darkness, so that when we look up at the sky and remember their stories.”

And Mae frowns the longer she looks at him. “A lot of people are going to die tomorrow, aren’t they?” She speaks with sadness.

“Death is the only thing that’s certain,” he jokes.

And Mae doesn’t understand whether Levi needs to be comforted, or to be heard.

“You’ll do your best… I’m sure of it. And that’s all you can do Levi, that’s all that’s in your control.”

His eyes flit from the stars to her. And he feels a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“You’re so good to me.” His tone softens and he pulls her closer. And she doesn’t know whether it's the alcohol acting up, because Levi hardly gets drunk. Or if it's all the stress that's taking a toll on him.

A beat of silence passes by. And as she looks into the soft gray of his eyes, she realizes how quickly time is passing by. Like dust flying in a sandstorm.

Slowly she places her hand on the crown of his head. And her lips find the arch of his cheekbone.

She can feel the war on his skin. In his calluses and his scars, and the way his hardened eyes only soften for the bits when he’s with her.

Levi is his battle and half of that is hers.

She needs to be brave enough to let him go.

“Say Levi,” her voice lingers, uncertain with doubt. She questions whether the troubles on her mind should be picked apart now out of all times.

But time waits for no one

And she might never see the gray in his eyes turn blue in the sunlight. She might not see the new scars on his body. He might die tomorrow, erased from her life. Becoming a memory so distant, that she can only remember, never experience.

And if Levi dies tomorrow then the words in her mind will never get the chance to settle in his heart. “If I ask you for something, will you do it for me?”

He parts away from her, taking in the destruction on her face.

A thickness settles in his throat, and he frowns the longer he looks at her.

Because he knows he can’t give her anything other than his heart.

Hell, he can’t even assure her that he’ll come back alive. Because this mission will be dangerous, and if his death becomes important for victory, then he’ll have to sacrifice himself for the greater good.

“That depends on what you ask of me.” His voice comes out wispy. He feels like such a failure. These might as well be the few last moments he spends with her, and yet he has nothing but his own misery to share with her.

“If you die -” her lips shudder, pressing into a thin line. Words fail her, not able to slip out of her mouth without a sob.

“If you die… tomorrow, or whenever.” Tears fill her lash line, and she tries to blink them away.

She needs to be strong. She needs to be strong enough to convince him

“If you die tomorrow…, d-do you promise me that you’ll d-die happy? Will you think of how far you've come, instead of all your failures and regrets?” Her eyes sparkle, in the sadness they are trying to cage, but there is also so much love endowed in her gaze.

Because Levi stumbled into life, and then became her life.

Her biggest fear will always be losing him. But Levi doesn’t need to know that. Not for his sanity at least.

And so she pulls out the sweetest, fakest smile. Betraying the tears lingering in her eyes. “ Most of all, I want you to know that I’ll be fine,” her voice cracks.

“So…” Her fingertips shudder as they trace his jawline. “I don’t want you to feel guilty about leaving me behind if you end up dying.”

And Levi pulls her close. Letting her cry into his arms. After all, who is she trying to fool?

And Mae breaks in an instant. He can feel the violent shudder of her shoulders and the wet patches that her tears leave on his shirt.

His fingertips card through her hair, and his other hand slips underneath her top. He focuses on the softness of her skin, and her scent. And the bitterness of life hits him hard, as he hears her trying to suppress her sobs.

In the 4 years that they’ve been together, he’s not given her much. Not a comfortable life, not sweet flirty compliments or a million gifts. Not even a reason to stay honestly.

And only they’ve known what an abnormal relationship it has been. With meeting her once every three months, to letters that have been delivered to the wrong person. He has missed her birthdays. He has responded to her letters very late. And he’s always walked so close to death.

She’s been through hell just to be with him. And even now, she tells him to not worry about leaving her behind, instead of begging him not to die.

He feels so loved and privileged.

“You’re so strong.” he whispers into her hair. It’s his way of praising her selflessness.

“Really?” she manages to mutter despite her hushed cries. And he finds it so sad that she still doesn’t see herself the way he sees her.

“Mhmm,” he hums. “Humanity’s Strongest is telling you that. Are you doubting him?”

“To me he’s always been Humanity’s Cutest.”

“Tch,” He clicks his tongue. Somehow the nickname still annoys him.

The next day brings hell for both of them. And with gentleness, Levi picks Mae’s head up and forces her to look at him.

“Mae…” The conflict in his voice is palpable, but there’s also a strong resolution hidden underneath. “I can only make the promise you’re asking for, if you make a promise to me as well.”

“What promise?” Her brows furrow, and she looks up at him through her clumpy lashes.

And his lips morph into a bittersweet smile, as he holds her in his eyes a moment longer. “If I die tomorrow, or in the future…, then find another-”

“WHAT! NOOO.” Mae interjects, knowing where he’s headed with this.

“Find another man,” he mutters heavily, as he pushes her hair behind her ear and presses a kiss on her upper lip. ”A man who can make you happy and give you stability and security. Find someone who can give you a normal life… a family.”

“Levi noooo,” she whines, and as she looks up at him, fresh tears crowd her waterlines.

The sound of her sobs fills the emptiness of the night. She can’t love anyone the way she loves Levi. It has captured her entire being, and the man who comes into her life next, will be only left with the remnants that Levi leaves of her.

She shifts to her side, turning her back towards him. Maybe she’s childish, but Levi is being unreasonable too. How dare he ask her to find someone else, when he knows how much she loves him?

“I am yours and I only want to be yours,”she speaks with sternness. And Levi places her hand on the dip of her waist, but she picks it up and pushes it away.

“Mae..” his voice teeters at the edge of a plea. “I can’t give you the life you deserve.”

“You don’t have to give me anything Levi,” she turns towards him, almost furious. “I make my own money. All I want is your heart and your companionship… I knew the risks I took when I decided to be with you… And I'd rather be alone, than to find someone else.” she concludes.

And Levi has been alone too. But Mae has taught him how wonderful companionship can be.

He doesn’t want her to be lonely.

"Seeing me with another man, will that make you happy?" she taunts.

"Seeing you happy will make me happy…" he whispers with tenderness, as his fingertips wipe her tears away.

"If I tell you to find another girl after I die, would you do it?"

"No,” he answers, without pondering for even a millisecond.

"Then why should I?" She retorts.

"Because this relationship was something I never expected in my life. I am grateful to have experienced having one, and that is enough for me, but can you confidently tell me that you have never dreamed of getting married? Of having a family?"

His questions are met with silence. Instead Mae glares at him, too slack jawed to find her reasonings. And resolve slips so easily from her features, as she thinks about what she wants for once.

She’s always dreamt of getting married and starting a family.

The bitter truth hits home, and she curls into herself.

“But Levi…” her voice comes out feeble. “ I want all of those things with you… I want to live the rest of my life as your lover… and your lover only.”

A bittersweet smile finds Levi’s lips. He hopes she can experience the love that she’s made him feel. He hopes she finds someone who pampers her and gives her all his time in the world. And unfortunately that person can never be him.

"You're always going to be my only lover, the only woman I have ever laid my eyes on," he coos as he places a kiss on the crook of her neck. "You-you'll always be m--my girl," His arms around her tighten, and her cries get louder.

Destiny has made their love too strong, yet the world so cruel.

"Sweetheart," his voice quivers. He’d rather have a bullet in his stomach than to hear the painful sound of her sobs. "Please."

He feels like he’s only seen her cry these past few months.

And so kisses her, relentlessly, wholly.

It might as well be the last time he gets to do it.

Morning comes closer, and the stars start to fade.

And when they part, they rest their foreheads against each other. Stealing a moment’s heaven before hell falls on the earth again.

"If I keep my promise, will you keep yours?. Even if it seems incredibly hard.” She speaks against his skin.

"I will." he affirms with unwavering confidence. Their pinkies intertwine.

The world falls into the brink of dawn, slowly waking to the day that’s in front of them. But Levi and Mae remain still, not ready to move on yet. With their eyes shut and their foreheads pressed.

"When I die, look up to the stars for me… I'll be watching after you.” Levi breaks the silence. His voice is wispy, but awfully sweet.

"Will you be smiling at me?" Mae questions back with utmost innocence.

And he smiles in response, "only if you smile at me first."

The sunlight catches her features. And her eyes sparkle, both with pain and love.

His heart pounds, and he takes his sweet time, holding her in his gaze. If he were to die now, it would be a sweet death.

I don't have much to say hehe. But I would love to know what you thought about the chapter! I'm open to feedback as well!

See you next Saturday!

Taglist: @keijikunn @evas-leslas @leviackermanmyhero245 (message me if you want to be added)

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