#ZAY’S thoughts

[bakkatakoyaki]

<<< When anyone relates to me for any situation like it could be someone opening up online or me talking to someone, an inner part of me from when i was an isolated kid/or teenage girl (14-15 esp) crying in my bedroom listening to CTRL trying to search on my mac on any and every online on every search forum possible for anyone who went through the same specific situation as me or if anybody could give me the answer i was so desperately searching for gets healed 🩷. She gets healed. She gets the friends and people around her she wishes could’ve had or met who could relate to these feelings and situations and could say “oh i feel the same way”, “girl i felt that before”, “oh i went through that same thing before”. I wanted a big sister, a younger sister, a same-age sister. Just a sister who could be there for me. Or a person who could show me proof that “oh girl you can rise up from this, you don’t have to feel alone. all girls have been through this”. Someone who would hug her when she couldn’t express herself and say “you are not an outlier, you’re just like the rest of us”. i just hope you guys know how much it means to me. In a way its like you hold my hand and not make me feel so alone; especially when it feels like everyone stared at me sideways; because everyone felt the opposite and just “dont get what you mean”/“never experienced it”, or look at you like opening up was like bothering someone to listening to this “troublesome issue”. Even if i may never meet this people or become friends for long down the road, I’ll always appreciate how your small presence warmed my heart when all I could feel at that time was that cold-misunderstood emptiness from feeling unloved by the people who were supposed to love you.

🤍

[zaiofender]

eve and the serpent 🐍 (1/5)

(5/5)

[only4riwoo]

okay so like can we talk about THIS myungjae please? he's so wall-grippingly fine i just wanna swallow him whole omgggahhdjdwdhfghtyjHSDFGH

[moraymiso]

just a reminder my blog is NOT a safe space for odazai shippers! ^_^

[jenhoneys]

so so tired of the debate of "powder would have been better off with vi as a caregiver" "no silco was better for her" like, no no! any way it goes, ALL of them loose -- there is no winning in this situation especially for power. this is the point! they are lower class people fighting to survive within a system that hates them and the result of that is rage and fighting that means everyone experiences loss; there is no vi/silco is better for powder, they would have both been detrimental to her growing up because of the elements around them -- without their traumas, outside environment, etc, yes they would be better and loving, but the fact is that they are both incredibly complex characters that work through their issues in flawed ways.

you don't think vi would have tried to fight the enforcers/silco post-warehouse? by this time, she is a tween, she's just lost her family, and she is so extremely full of rage. killing is a cycle, and at this point, vi hasn't learnt to control her rage the way vander does -- both vi and vander are full of love and full of anger, but vander only realises it needs to stop when it hurts someone he loves/he hurts someone he loves. and even though she did hurt powder, because vi is so young, I don't think she'd learn that so quickly -- she's just a child, she isn't equipt to deal with caregiving 24/7, no matter how good she seems at it, she's not equipt to deal with powder's episodes (which I believe would still occur -- more on that later) alongside dealing with her own anger towards silco/sevika/enforcers. plus, she'd be forced to take the adult role in that relationship, more than she already did, and it would be detrimental to them both, especially after experiencing such a trauma.

speaking of, I also think people blaming silco fully for jinx's mental state is assigning him too much credit -- he very much feeds into it by encouraging her paranoia (though I don't believe he does it intentionally, because he doesn't seem to be aware of the voices or taking inventory/staying updated with them as he does other things), but he isn't the cause. she isn't depicted using shimmer, and the same animation effect is already used when she was younger, before she lost her family, the loss of her family (and the realisation that she did it) just worsens her condition.

and with silco, though he loves her more than anything, he is an enabler, and he is also riddled with his own trauma. he maps his trauma onto her, and she inherits a kind of pseudo generational trauam by default. he is paranoid of people, of trusting, of lies, because of how he was hurt by vander, and so jinx has the same mentality. he believes he only has jinx in the world, and so jinx believes the same. he is not equipt to deal with a child, either, and yet he does because she is a child of someone he loved -- and while he seems to have done a good job in the other universe, the main difference is that vander is there, and vander is forgiven. he has worked through his trauma, assumably, with another adult, and he hasn't given it to jinx. he also doesn't seem to be co-dependent with her, because he seems to have other people he trusts in his life (mostly, from the scene in 2×7, vander).

[kyufeed]

24H

[paradiserotting]

this is taking me ouuttt

[degrassi-fandom-confessions]

I am so confused by the Torres family tree. Are Adam and Drew brothers or stepbrothers? Which parent is biologically related to each child? Which side of the family is the grandmother on? It’s all so ambiguous and no answer makes a great deal of sense

[bakkatakoyaki]

Was feeling down as shit this morning only for me to find out me and cindy kimberly have the same birthday 🥲 praise god to give me a sign I may not be as pretty as her but just know a pussy hoe cant tell me shit rn if I share the same date as literally the prettiest girl on tumblr 😆🤭❤️‍🔥

[November 16!]

[zaycheese]

When I Die

When death comes

I hope to be content enough with what I've lived

to catch up with an old friend

And together while chatting we will walk into atoms

And I will be nothing

But boy

I sure was something

And that's enough for me,

To have been something

[only4riwoo]

the hands... im thinking thots somebody hold me back 😓😓

[mchib]

fake friends be like

[jenhoneys]

ok so I put this in another post's tags but I wanted it to be in a more coherent post form also:

out of context peg and birdie look like the ideal soft butch/princess femme couple and i kind of love the implications of that. i'm aware it's toxic but also their dynamic is so interesting to me like. peg knows birdie is an entitled 'rich bitch', and yet she still works for her and has for a decade, there's some begrudging affection there and it's so important to the depth of peg's character. like she's reached a point where she's comfortable enough to say 'no' to birdie (who has probably not been told that often after she'd gotten rich) and also for birdie to cling onto her and for them to have silent conversations

like yes. peg is not as detestable or as privileged a person as the shitheads, but she is so clearly NOT a victim and i love the narrative for framing her in that way. she could definitely have quit her job and work for a less morally grey and less privileged, politically apathetic person, but she doesn't because assumably the benefit and profit outweighs whatever she has to sacrifice to continue working for birdie, whether it be her morals or her perspective etc etc.

(the same is said for whiskey with her contributing to duke's agenda of meninism. which she is shown to be smart enough not to agree with, and explicitly doesn't agree with -- and yet she stays with duke because it DOES help her career -- she ADMITS that)

BOTH of them actively benefit from discount elon musks' system of nepotism and his golden titties, and they know that. you'll notice that neither of them volunteered to back helen until someone else spoke up first -- someone a little higher up on the food chain. ESPECIALLY peg -- because even though she may idolise helen/andi, she won't back her if it means her loosing her profit (making it all the more important that it WAS birdie who ended up speaking up first).

but ANYWAYS, speaking of birdie -- since i haven't seen a lot of people doing that, kind of disregarding her as a ditzy, dumb blonde (which the same pushing aside can be said of whiskey) -- she is so attached to peg in a way that i don't even think she understands. when she needs clarification, she asks peg. when she wants to hang on to someone? peg. she is absolutely DISTRAUGHT by the idea that peg would leave her and it sounds like she would do anything to keep peg in her employ, making the idea of her paying peg more and more make sense, especially with that maybe being the reason peg stays and has stayed for so long.

anyways tldr: i find their relationship incredibly fascinating and i would LOVE for people to develop it further than surface level in fic (or maybe i have to :/) -- especially because there's so much history and baggage and levels and just So Much to work through which they can only do together and with deep personal character growth.

[zaimta]

i was recently informed that the spikey things laxus had on were headphones n that he always listens to old school rock n roll

laxus’ s/o tryna put him onto some new age rock n i feel like he has a love hate relationship with it, he would probably like sumn with good guitars so if he thinks the guitars on the song are ass he simply will not listen to it

he could probably vibe to pierce the veil’s “a match into the water”

but if you have any old school stuff that he hasn’t listened to he’ll be more than glad to take a listen!!

do NOT try to put him onto songs that were stolen he will only listen to the og’s or genuine covers

[paradiserotting]

[steamedlotusroot]

i love how different red boy and nezha are in LMK and FRZ despite being derived from the same characters :>