#he’s a goody two shoes with good grades :> he’s thousands of years old but still goes to middle school 😭

[steamedlotusroot]

i love how different red boy and nezha are in LMK and FRZ despite being derived from the same characters :>

[letarasstuff]

Sass Queen

(A/N): This was requested by an anon, I hope you like it :)

Summary: First day of middle school and the first thing Spencer's daughter learns is sass. How are the team and her father going to react?

Warnings: Sass

Wordcount: 1.3k

✨Masterlist✨ ___________________________________

Anybody, who has ever seen Doctor Spencer Reid to his fullest, knows that he is a human reincarnation of a teddy bear. Well his daughter is just the same two goodie good shoes. Both of them are so innocent, whenever somebody makes a slightly naughty joke they are the only ones with confused looks on their faces. Penelope gushes over that more often than not.

“Do you have everything? Lunchbox, notebooks, schedule and pens?” Spencer lists off, seemingly more nervous than (Y/N) herself. After all, today is her first day of middle school. The thought that his child is growing up isn’t exactly sitting right with the doctor, but he knows that this is an important part of her life. It’s when the body begins to change and puberty hits you in the face with a chair.

“And you are a hundred percent sure you don’t want me to take you? Because Hotch won’t have a problem with me coming in a few minutes late.” But she shakes her head vehemently. “I’m a thousand percent sure. Dad, it’s middle school. I’m not a toddler anymore. Also, today is the day where the social dynamics are determined. I can’t be late, so I gotta go. Love you!” After a quick peck on her father’s cheek (Y/N) is out of the door, not giving him the opportunity to explain to her that all of these tween movies are nonsense.

Now her commute to school isn’t long, but the building is far enough away for her to get antsy. Countless shows and movies she watched with her Aunt Penelope taught her that today is the day where it’s decided whether or not she counts to the popular kids.

(Y/N) biggest problem is her being shy to no end. Asking a teacher for help in order to understand an assignment seems impossible to her. The shame that she says something wrong or she embarasses herself would be too much. So how on earth is the girl supposed to seem cool enough to sit with the other cool kids?

That question haunts her the whole day until lunch. Before the bell rings indicating their break, the class played a few get-to-know-each-other-games and filled some paper works for the teachers to evaluate their level of education.

Indecisively (Y/N) stands in the cafeteria, a tray with her meal in her hands. “Hey twat, don’t you know where to sit?” A girl approaches her. One glance is enough to know that she is Heather of middle school.

“Uhm, ye- no- I don’t know?” Is her not so eloquent answer. ‘Heather’ laughs. “Ah, I see. You are a newbie. You can sit with me and my friends, they will surely love you. What’s your name?”

“(Y/N), I am in Miss Huber's class.” “Oh, she is a nice one, be good to her. I’m Natalie and it’s my last year in this hellhole. You know what? I thought yesterday ‘Hey I’m in eighth grade now, it’s time to teach someone so my legacy will be kept up’ and now I decided you are my little protegee. Ok, so screw lunch with the others, I need to give you a crash course in how to be me.”

The remaining time Natalie uses to ‘teach’ (Y/N) the basics. “Ok, so to be like me, you need to stand up for yourself. No offence, but you don’t look like you are able to do that. This is the reason why I’ll give you some to go phrases to defend yourself in situations you don’t like to be in. Also I suggest you to just use them as often as you can, because everybody close to you should know not to mess with you, especially your parents.”

With Natalie by her side she is sure to become one of the popular girls and never will be messed with. The girl is ecstatic to come to the BAU and put her new learned skill to action.

“Hey, Baby Reid is back. I was afraid you forgot about us now that you are all grown up and going to middle school”, Derek greets her with the biggest smile. “I could never forget about you all, old man.”

It seems like the whole bullpen stops in its motion. It’s not that “old man” is a particular mean name, but hearing some sort of insult from the sweet goodie shoes is something they witnessed for the first time.

“Oh, I see. Don’t get ahead of yourself, shortcakes. And how was your first day? Do you already have some gossip?” Before she can get out another sassy remark, Spencer shows up.

“Hey Sweetheart. I thought you’ll go home after school. How was it? Did you make any friends?” (Y/N) smiles and nods. “Yes! There is a girl from eight grade, who took me under her wing. I don’t have to worry about being the unpopular one.”

“WONDER BABY! Can you tell me how your day was?” Penelope shouts over all of the people in the bullpen, who are not fazed at all. It’s understandable though, because a screaming Tech Goddess is not a rarity in the BAU.

“I don’t know if I can. Try and make me!” “WHOA!” Emily joins the conversation. “What happened to you? Are you now the new sass queen?”

Before she can stop herself, another snarky reply leaves (Y/N)’s lips. “Sorry, my fault, I forgot that you are an idiot.” This time the whole office goes quiet for real. But the girl doesn’t understand it. She just uses what she was taught today, so why are they so shocked?

Spencer works quickly and takes his daughter into an empty office. “I don’t know what happened, but I don’t want you to keep that attitude up. So why are you acting like that? We can talk it out, you are not in trouble, just tell me what brought this mood over you.”

His serious face confuses her. She just did what she was told to do. “Why are you mad? I’m standing up for myself, Natalie taught me how to do that. She said I’ll continue her legacy, because it’s her last year of middle school and wants someone to honour her. Isn’t that cool? When I defend myself and know how to do it perfectly, nobody is able to mess with me! No bullies and I’ll have the time of my life.”

Her father’s face falls further. “Is this about you being scared of being bullied? Sweetheart, is this why you are so sassy today?” He goes down on his knees to be somewhat the same level of height with her. (Y/N) actively tries to avoid eye contact. “Maybe?” She answers in a high pitched voice, the floor suddenly becoming way more interesting than anything else.

“Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me? I know what it means to be scared of getting made fun of, I was in the same position once. That’s why we make a deal: Whenever anybody is mean to you in the slightest, tell me. I’ll sort it out with your teachers and the other’s parents. I know, your body and mind are going through major changes and it’s more than scary. Just keep in mind that I’m always here for you. Ok?”

Moved by his concern and speech, (Y/N) throws her arms around him. “Thank you for being so understanding. I’m sorry I was a mean tween, I just thought it would be helpful.” Spencer laughs lightly, a child’s logic never ceases to amuse him.

“It’s not me you have to apologize to, there are other people out there you owe one.” Groaning but understanding she lets go of him, knowing there it’s the only right thing to do. And she does it. Still, everybody is preparing for some oncoming sass in the near future, which is the right thing to do. Teen girls can really be mean.

Taglist:

All works:

@agentshortstacc

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl

Spencer Reid x child!reader:

@ilovetaquitosmmmm

[filipinoizukuu]

I have the notebook in hand now I beg you for explanation

HSBFNDSJNFVN my dearest snail oh jeez 😭 i have about maybe dozens of stories about accidentally being y/n, so i'm prayin and hopin none of my IRLs see this. Some details hidden for privacy.

LONG story ahed, so be warned.

-

So. End of winter to early spring about a year before COVID-19. I was still a little snot-nosed high schooler hanging out with my friends and generally being a nuisance upon society. For those of you that have never seen me in real life, the first thing you need to know was that I was adorable, female-presenting, and had the appearance of a goody-two-shoes star student down to a T.

Now, the second thing you need to know is about my friend group and how a majority of them were guys.

I'm not talking about like, darling boy-next-doors and fellow star-student nerds. I'm talking about teenage boys. GUYS guys. Rowdy and wrestling in the hallways, getting into fights, and pulling (harmless) pranks on each other kind of guys. The gross type because I love my friends but even I can admit they're kind of gross.

One day after school, we're hanging out in someone's truck on the way to a get-together. There are about four of us just chilling, me being the only girl. Someone's phone goes off and we look to see one of us pick up his phone.

Now, this friend, let's call him S.

S picks up the phone and starts talking to it. We hear bits and pieces of the conversation and he sounds a little nervous. He puts the phone down and looks at us with a weird expression and says he needs to get home.

"What gives, S?" we ask, slouching in our seats and drinking sweet tea, like all other self-respecting teenage hooligans. "Who was that?"

S explains to us very carefully that he just got off the phone with his auntie and that she wants to have a sit-down and dinner with him. We coo and make fun of him a little and acquiesce, driving on over to his place to drop him off and embarrass him in front of his parents as friends do. We tell him as much when S lights up and looks at us like he just got the world's best idea.

(Heads up! It was not.)

"Guys! I have a better idea."

The rest of us look at each other. "Which is...?"

"What if I pretend to have a girlfriend to impress my Aunt?"

Record scratch. Pause. I suddenly remember that I am the only pretty 'ole lady in this small and stuffy truck. In an instant, all eyes on the vehicle are on me.

No, hell no. I think to myself, there's no way I'm ever going to do this. This is how every fanfic starts and I am absolutely not emotionally available enough to do this. And you know what? That's exactly what I should've said.

Instead, what came out of my mouth was this:

"Buy me a tub of ice cream and I'm all yours."

And thus, the devil's deal was sealed.

Minutes later, we're exiting the truck and looking over at S's white picket fence and perfectly maintained garden. S goes with me and I suck it up, bracing myself for the performance of my lifetime. We do not hold hands and our other friend (E) walks behind us while dying of laughter. S opens the door and we are immediately greeted by the sight of his kind-looking Auntie welcoming him with open arms.

S waltzes in.

"Auntie... this is my girlfriend, Codi."

Now, a quick word about me and how I was in real life at the point of this story. I looked the part of an adorable overachieving student, and while my grades did match up, my attitude sure as hell didn't. I'm naturally a very loud and boisterous person. I 'get into fights' and curse just as well as the rest of them. I had a reputation in a few areas for having the knack of making my underclassmen cry. The point being, I wasn't a saint.

But I was a damn good actor.

"Hi Auntie!" I greet with the peppiest and highest voice I could manage. I skip towards her and shake her hand, smiling like a cracked-up cheerleader in a Coca-Cola ad from the '80s when they made it with actual cocaine. "Your nephew S is just about the sweetest thing ever. He's so nice and smart and I'm incredibly lucky to have him!" I lie through my teeth.

In the background, I can hear E on the verge of deranged cackling while S just stands there and coughs into his fist like an emotionally constipated tuberculosis patient.

My Limit of the Day has been reached, so I shoot Auntie S a quick grin when she enthusiastically thanks me for my services and then haul my ass out their door, E hot on my heels. We leave S behind to deal with whatever shitstorm came after and I tried my best to not look back.

The moment the old truck door slams shut behind us, E abso-fucking-lutely loses it, guts busting with how much he's laughing. We high-tail it to the get-together and I make him swear up and down to not mention it for the rest of the day. It's over, at this point, the thing's been done and there's no other damage than my sanity and maybe S's relationship with his aunt. At least, that is what I thought.

Hours later, S texts me.

hey so um. remember that thing earlier?

Odd question, because how could I not?

yeah so. my aunt stayed for dinner and my parents arrived early and they asked me about school so. long story short... my whole family thinks we're dating.

Predictably, I lose my mind. I ask myself how I got into this situation and then imagine the sweet, sweet ice cream waiting for me at the end of this ride. I'm like, okay! This isn't so bad! It's actually really funny if I think about it enough. At least it's contained, right? I say my famous last words. It's not like I'll ever actually meet his family again.

So I go to bed and decidedly Pass Go, Collect $200 on any fanfics or other friendly drama that night.

The next week, I walk into school. I'm going about my normal business when I bump into my friend group. They pounce on me like a hound of dogs, making rounds of congratulations with varying faces of amusement. "What?" I go, like an oblivious idiot.

From like 15 feet down the hall, a familiar figure turns the corner and I lock eyes with him. Something clicks into place and I realize that there were actual witnesses to S's convoluted brownie-points shenanigan that I didn't consider.

"E," I say. "you are so fucking dead."

My friend group, who E had apparently told about my whole schtick as S's Rent-a-Girlfriend, breaks out into laughter and dodges as I power-walked my way to kick E's shins with the fury of a thousand 5'3 suns.

We went about the rest of our day until it hit lunch break, and of course who else to apparently wait for me in front of my class other than S himself.

S grabs me by the wrist and pulls me along throughout the campus. We're lightly conversing the whole time, me weaseling a time and date to my beloved reward tubs of ice cream as promised. Without me realizing it, we end up in front of two very familiar rooms.

Another thing, really quickly, about this whole storyline. S was not just an ordinary friend, you see. He was special, in a way, in such that his two closest friends were my crush (at the time) and his best friend who I'd recently rejected. Now those two have a whole 'nother story on their own which I'd deign to discuss publically, so you'll have to settle for those apt descriptions.

So, those two aforementioned mutual friends of ours walk out of those rooms and turn to make eye contact with us. They laugh, good-naturedly, and I sigh in relief because it seems that of all people, E had not gotten the hot gossip to them just yet.

I beckon the two of them over, being none the wiser and thinking we could take our break together when the final straw hits

S throws his arm over my shoulders and pulls me closer.

"Hey guys, Codi's my girlfriend now!"

... You can guess where the argument fits now in this timeline.

(I got my ice cream very shortly after. We're all friends now and it's all water under the bridge! This was a long story so if you've made it this far, just know that this is all but a funny memory to look back on for me and I've since moved on.)

[southboundhq]

MEET NEVE,

FULL NAME › Genevieve ‘Neve’ Sloane Channing AGE › thirty one GENDER › Cis female (She/Her/Hers) FROM › Portland, Oregon RESIDENCE › Tangerine Drive (Midtown) OCCUPATION › ER Nurse at the Amen County General Hospital NOW PLAYING › Troublemaker by Beach House

BIOGRAPHY,

trigger/content warnings: murder, death, graphic violence, mental health, postpartum depression, suicide, cancer, drug mention, parent death, medical, euthanasia mention, stalking, guns

THE FOG CREEPS IN ; GIRLHOOD IS A GRAVEYARD

genevieve channing is born on a cold, grey february sometime around midnight to douglas and paula channing while the heavy oregon fog kisses the modest concrete jungle of portland oregon like a phantom. paula gives her a big name, telling the nurses with heady confidence that she’ll be famous one day, and it’s the biggest gift she ever gives her. baby genevieve is in her arms so often, she hardly touches a cradle, but it’s not long until douglas feels an uneasiness creeping in.

paula is bohemian silk skirts and crushed velvet. she grows restless being trapped in the plain, modest home in northeast. she is a woman that is easy to fall in love with—not meant to sit at home idly with a collicy baby, where she finds herself in tears more than ever. douglas returns from work to find baby genevieve screaming unattended in her crib while paula cries in the backyard with an ashtray full of cigarettes. she tells him she’s worried she’ll crash the car one day on the way to the grocery store with them both inside. douglas digs his teeth into his bottom lip and tries not to cry. he squeezes her hand and tells her she needs to go to therapy. what he really wants to tell her is that their baby needs her. he leaves paula outside and spends the afternoon tidying the house with genevieve swaddled against his chest. it’s a warm feeling.

it’s not long after that paula starts disappearing for periods of time and douglas learns she can’t be trusted to watch after the baby on her own. when she calls from downtown in tears, hyperverbal and desperate, he picks her up in his old chevy truck and brings her home. she agrees to see a doctor and for awhile, they figure out how to live again. some days are even as sweet as the rhubarb pies she starts to make again.

there are only two ways neve later remembers her mother, and the first is lovely–paula is picnics and shakespeare in the parks. she’s dried roses in the window and salmon tacos with mango salsa. she is whirlwind adventures and laughter. she teaches neve to make wishes on stray eyelashes, blowing them into the wind like dandelion seeds. on the good days, paula’s eyes are filled with stars. on the bad days, they are left black as the night sky while she cries the constellations down her cheeks. occasionally, she is cruel. mostly, she is absent.

by the third grade, neve expects this. douglas has never been much of a cook–save hamburger patties with canned green beans and a baked potato. she cooks their dinners from recipes she learns from her grandmas and helps around the house. most nights she’s home alone until the grumbling sound of the chevy breaks through the dark and signals her father’s return. eventually, she stops missing her mother from the everyday–it’s only when the other kids talk about their moms that she feels the pang of loss and wonders where she is. some nights neve finds herself sitting in her bedroom window pulling out eyelashes just to have something left to wish on. some of paula’s friends overdose on heroin or get murdered in the nights when neve is sleeping; she stays up late and hopes that her vigil will keep a distant mother safe.

there aren’t many trees on their street–unlike some of the other neighborhoods. the big weeping birch in their backyard that drives her father crazy as he rakes leaves every fall is neve’s pride and joy. there is comfort in the shade its branches cast every summer. at night it makes her lonely as it blocks the silhouette of the waxing moon. on lazy summer days when her father leaves for work, neve sits with her back curved against its rough trunk and reads the day away.

on a cool april afternoon, just after preparing a plate of cherry poptarts with a thin layer of butter on top of the frosting ( much to her father’s chagrin ), neve ventures out to the modest yard to sit under her tree. the familiar crushed blue velvet of her mother’s favorite dress catches her off guard and she drops her breakfast onto the unkempt lawn as her mind makes sense of the unnatural height of its hem as paula swings–marking the time of neve’s pounding heartbeat. the butter solidifies as it cools in the dirt, the heel of neve’s hand-me-down airwalk sneakers mashing her breakfast. the cherry filling sticks to the sole like bubblegum; she’ll never eat them again, but she can’t help but recall that her mom always preferred the maple and brown sugar.

THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST HER ; A GIRL LEARNS TO COUNT CARDS

portland in the eighties and nineties is less portlandia and more drugstore cowboy. a lot of kids from other neighborhoods don’t go downtown. the ones that do have an air of palpable grit. neve takes the max, rides her skateboard in the dark. douglas has cautioned her a hundred thousand times, but paula’s death has instilled such a great fear of losing his daughter that he lets her get away with more than he knows he probably should. he fears paula’s ghost will someday possess her and she’ll wander off into the ether. most days he insists that the only parts of paula he sees in his cherished daughter are the good ones–neve holds onto the corporeal world with claws. it’s only on the worst nights–paula’s specter cooling the sheets of his bed in the dark–that he wakes up with the fear his daughter is gone.

douglas’s new wife, rosie, does her best to pit them against one another, but sometimes–she’s not so bad, neve thinks. it’s nice to have a mother figure in the house again even if she falls short most days. sometimes she thinks that maybe they could learn to love each other. if nothing else, she’s sure she owes a bit of gratitude to the woman; the nights of her father’s haunting sobs have become fewer and farther between. it isn’t until douglas begins receiving late notices on utilities that he begins to grow suspicious. rosie is quick to throw neve under the bus–a young girl like that? she’s probably stealing their money to spend on drugs and CDs at sam goody. douglas has never bet on anyone like he bets on his daughter; rosie’s gambling debts are news to them both.

the fallout of the relationship leaves douglas and neve in dire financial straits. the father is heartbroken–another love lost, he blames himself for always choosing the wrong lady luck. despite their financial ruin, left in rosie’s wake, douglas has a hard time getting out of bed most days and blows through what little sick time he has available to him. school takes a back burner and neve barely attends it at all–favoring her time on finding work ( legitimate and illegitimate ) to help keep their small family afloat. she attends class when it’s profitable and waits tables or washes dishes when she can. it’s still not enough.

a few kids turn neve onto small crimes to turn a profit. they ride the max to the suburbs and crash parties–stealing pills out of medicine cabinets and turning them over for profit. calculus wasn’t worth a good goddamn, but distribution teaches skills. it’s hard not to get caught up in petty thefts and the occasional break-ins. neve and her friends find it easy to justify in the spirit of class war. a pin on her denim jacket reads ‘eat the rich’ and it doesn’t sound so bad. portland is a cannibal and it eats its children.

neve is a cat with nine lives and despite her friends being caught by the long arm of the law or the stronger arm of revenge, she evades detection. even such cats live with a fear of death, and as consequence catches up to members of the small circle she runs with, neve knows she is living on borrowed time. sooner or later, she knows, her luck will run bone dry.

SPRING RETURNS TO PORTLAND ; THE FROST CLINGS TO FRAGILE BONES

neve dropping out of high school is a wake up call for douglas. he sees farther than she does and knows that she deserves a better life than the one he’s scrounged together for her. most days, he blames himself for a life that could have been; some kids like her wore neatly pressed dresses and folded over lace socks on picture day. some kids had piano lessons and summer camps. there’s a lot of insight in hindsight, but neve staunchly opposes his masochistic remorse and becomes determined to prove him wrong. it takes her a couple years of working to figure out what she wants to do–a girl baptised in her mother’s blood is born with the kind of heart that takes on too much. she is meant for saving lives and carrying the world on her shoulders like atlas himself.

it takes time, but as douglas gets their house in order and starts working again. neve is able to start up at portland community college. she takes up a work study job and works a steady flow of odd jobs on the side to support herself. lady luck shines her fortune on the pair for the first time in forever to make up for the steady losses they’ve sustained over the years. life isn’t lavender and gardenias, but somehow waking up becomes little and less painful each day. some days neve wakes up and forgets that she can’t breathe. most days she spends her gratitude in the heap of debt the world owes her–waiting for the other shoe to drop.

the rebirth of their family is a hearty soil; both channings flourish as if made anew. the dew drops that cling to garden spider webs in their window signal the looming anniversary of a mother’s misty breath and neve learns not to fall apart. douglas works hard to do right by her and make up for the years of never knowing what to do and waffling between what is best and what is desirable. he is a man that longs for dreams–feet barely brushing the earth like her mother’s did on that day–but he is learning to make dreams work too. his dreams take root around his daughter once more; he builds them around her and builds her up with them.

the highschool dropout graduates her community college adn bridge program and she can hardly believe it when she’s accepted to ohsu for her bsn. there are no college diplomas with the channing name hanging on walls with peeling wallpaper or tucked away in trunks with paula’s things. douglas has saved his money for months to get her the right graduation gift and neve laughs, downplaying that it’s not a real graduation, but still walks in the ceremony at his insistence.

she returns home to the small party of friends she’ll start to grow apart from when she gets tired of the jeers about how she thinks she’s ‘too good for them’ now. neighborhoods like hers don’t always love to watch you grow if it means you’ll leave them. they’ll still blow up her phone for medical advice, but the invitations dry up like the drought of portland natives in southeast. for now, it’s a pleasant barbecue. the highlight of the evening comes in the small bundle of inky fur that douglas proudly produces after neve’s second burger. peering out from his strong arms are the brown eyes of a young siberian husky. douglas begs her to name the pup murphy over robocop, but loses easily–a hearty chuckle on his lips. they are bonded instantly–girl and dog–robocop becomes neve’s second most stalwart companion next to her father.

nursing school is hard, but it’s not impossible and it is full of new kinds of joys. she makes new friends and they eat lunch from the thai foodcart—nestled within the pod of south waterfront—and lay on the quad drinking smoothies and complaining about the next pharmacology exam. nose in a book and a drink in her hand at happy hour down at cha cha cha !, neve attracts the attention of pa student shane stone. he knows a nursing school classmate of hers from high school and is quickly incorporated to their study groups with a couple of his friends. he is tall with dark hair and kind eyes and just the sort of person a girl dreams of falling in love with. he spends little time worrying about things like rent and bus passes. it’s not even the end of the semester before study dates evolve into movie dates. there’s an entire world between them, but somehow the pair build a bridge.

DEATH RATTLES AND DYING BREATH ; THE GIRL’S OTHER SHOE DROPS

as neve focuses on school, douglas seems to be making steps to keep himself around longer. they go for long walks with robocop around the neighborhood. southeast portland is becoming a different neighborhood and the cost of living is high. restaurants crop up with around the block waits and family friends are forced to move to grayer pastures. it seems, to the channings, that it’s the end of an era. with neve spending most of her time at shane’s apartment on south waterfront, douglas’ weight loss is hardly noticed–everyone assumes it is merely the byproduct of increased activity. it isn’t until his stature becomes gaunt that neve starts to worry.

shane holds neve close when she finally breaks down–sneaking into the single bathroom of the clinic to let her fall apart the way he knows she can’t do in the open. like a wild animal, the girl he loves hides herself away when she feels death’s acrid breath on her neck. he doesn’t know what loss is and he certainly can’t relate to what she’s been through. douglas’ diagnosis is like watching the noose tighten around her mother’s neck all over again. her throat is dry like she’s choking on the fibers of that same rope; the world has a foggy edge—hollow like street lights illuminating an empty suburban neighborhood on a clear, dark night. everything is wooden; everything feels like a dollhouse.

it’s hard to keep up on her studies, but somehow neve muscles through. shane gives up his idyllic apartment and moves into their modest southeast home to help out. he makes a lighthearted joke about finally being a real portlander and moving so near the trendy, revitalized mississippi neighborhood and neve drops and breaks her coffee mug on the unfinished wood floor of the kitchen. it’s just another reminder that he doesn’t belong in her world any more than she does in his. it doesn’t sting as bad as the ink on his mother’s checks that she cashes to keep her father comfortable on his deathbed while she learns to be a better caretaker. life ebbs and flows, but douglas’ drains away until she hardly recognizes the sinewy, pale hands that hold hers so strongly for a man that can’t sit up by himself any longer. she curses her mother once more for leaving and twice for never having been there in the first place.

death isn’t slow or peaceful like the woman from her father’s church will lie about at the funeral. his death rattle lasts for hours and the bellows of his chest quake with weary breath. part of her wishes that the hospice nurse had started an iv on him and a sick, hidden part of her wishes it because a sweet dose of morphine would’ve ended it all sooner for him. she wonders silently if that would do more to ease his pain or hers? he hasn’t been conscious in two days. shane sits with her at the side of his bed with rapt attention and as his breathing slows, neve crawls into the hospice bed next to him. the next several months are a blur and a father misses his only daughter’s graduation. neve is barely present there herself.

shane insists that she’s not an orphan–his parents fly in from denver and treat her like one of their own. it guilts her that she can’t help but resent them for the simple virtue of living while her own father is reduced to a cold dust. she wears his ashes around her neck in a pendant from the funeral home and spreads the rest in every beautiful place she can find. some of them spill into her purse during a hike with robo and shane and she breaks down in tears. there are so many small things that make her sick or numb. a multitude of tiny memories that weigh as much as planets; isn’t dust what helped create the milky way? even around the stone family she feels alone. maybe especially around the stones.

HACKLES RAISED, A GIRL LEARNS THE DANGERS OF BEING FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE

the emergency department attracts all kinds of people in myriad dire straits. people come in at the end of their ropes–infections ignored too long, stabbings and shootings, a broken bone from slipping off the slide, and sometimes when they feel like they can’t live any longer. evan does not fit into any of these categories when he comes in. among the myriad failings of the medical system, lack of access and use of primary care is one of the larger contributions to higher emergency department volumes and evan is another data point in a sea of statistics. he comes back to neve’s room with a sly grin plastered on his face and states that he’s new to the area and can’t get into a new primary care for a few months. his daily asthma inhaler is out and he needs to renew the prescription and get a referral to a clinic.

there’s nothing on the surface that identifies this man as a threat. he’s almost charming and he’s nontoxic appearing–a nice easy patient in a sea of sick people is sometimes a great relief. they make some small talk and it’s the usual stuff she chats about with patients: ‘where’re you from?’ ‘where did you go to school?’ he expresses an interest in nursing and she recommends the program she attended at the hospital she now works. there’s almost a tension there, and when he makes a casual comment about the tan line on her finger she tells him that she doesn’t wear her engagement ring at work because it can tear the gloves. that’s only half right. maybe he can sense the rest of the truth; she’ll wonder that later when she pieces together every scrap of something she can use to blame it on herself.

he sends her a message on facebook, which makes her lips curl downwards in uncertainty. even that isn’t entirely alarming. it opens up reminding her that he’s knew to the area, and that he’s interested in the nursing program she went to. it’s a surprise, but he makes mention of a girlfriend’s wifi and he even asks how shane is doing. he loves her dog and mentions wanting one himself. sure, it’s a little weird–unconventional–but neve has always been interested in helping others find nursing and agrees to meet him for coffee to discuss the program. when they meet, she sees the mistake inherit in it before she even opens the cafe door. he’s disheveled and hyperverbal when he speaks to her and she can barely get a word in edge wise. between the gift he’s brought her and the intensity of his stare, she wonders how she could have read him so wrong. it’s then that he drops the bomb that makes her stomach sink into the trench it detonates in–will they take him in the nursing program with a record? she doesn’t ask, but he provides the details anyway. death threats to some girl he barely knew that wouldn’t leave him alone, he paints the canvas well, but she can read between the lines. evan stevens is dangerous and his lethal eye is trained on her.

she makes an excuse to leave–the first of many excuses, the illusion of being unavailable, unattainable. it’s the advice she’s given to women before, but never had to follow. those words offered to women in distress seem so trite now, so hollow. there is so much fear in cutting ties slowly–the strategic approach to keep an impulsive person like that from escalating. she wishes she could take those clinical offerings of textbook wisdom back from those women and hold their hands. she wonders how many of them still live. he starts blowing up her phone constantly. he comments on all her social media. all day and all night. if she doesn’t respond, he threatens suicide. some days he asks if she’s working and says he brought her lunch. if she says she’s sick, he asks for her address to bring her tom yum takeout from the restaurant she’s posted about on instagram. everything makes her sick now.

A FINAL GIRL IS FORGED ALONE ; THERE IS NO SUBVERTING FATE

god, it’s hard to speak about. she can’t even let the words reach her tongue, lips and teeth to birth them. they shrivel and die in her throat, festering there until she swallows them and they rest in her stomach like great stones. she wonders if evan will cut her stomach open like a wolf and find the rocks there. that’s not how the story goes; she tells herself so many versions as she lies awake in the dark afraid to sleep.

when she finally tells her friends–a smattering of girls and guys from nursing school, the er, and her neighborhood–the response is like the knife she dreams about in her gut. she shows some of the girls at her work his picture, worried that he’ll come in asking about her. she’s chided by these friends, “he’s actually pretty cute, florence nightingale” they joke. “it must be flattering to have the attention.” even shane suspected that there’s some indulgence on her part. that maybe she likes trying to fix people who are broken so much that she gets some sick reward from the experience. he doesn’t speak the words, but neve is fluent in shane stone. he says it in his eyes, the downcurve of his lips, the tense way he sighs when her phone dings over and over again during date nights.

on a cold night in december, neve works on meal prepping alone in the kitchen. evan has been out of town helping his mother remodel her kitchen and neve feels like she can finally breathe in the space he’s left behind. turning on the wireless speaker, she tries to pair her phone to play music as loud as the thin walls of her father’s modest northeast portland home will allow and instead hears, in the cold, robotic voice ‘pairing with neve’s iphone and evan’s iphone.’ robocop doesn’t even lift his head in suspicion the whole night. she calls 911, but they find neither hide nor hair of him. in the morning, neve nails the windows shut and buys a gun–a smith & wesson .357 snub nose revolver. the weight of it is heavy in her hands and she buys a membership to a gun range, calling into work and practicing until shane returns. she doesn’t tell him about the gun and she stops telling him how bad things have gotten with evan. the click of his tongue and disapproval in his eyes is more dooming than a death sentence and she can’t bear to bring further disappointment. neve channing is a strong woman–a smart woman. things like this don’t happen to women like her.

somehow, evan is everywhere and he knows all her secret places as if he exists as an extension of her. maybe he even believes he is–sending her voice messages about how they’re connected. they are the same; they are foils of one another. he send her a picture of his ouroboros tattoo from a new number after she finally blocks him. ‘we are the same.’ he is an all-consuming, devouring force, but she is not a serpent’s tail. he is moloch–besmeared with blood, the great, horrid king–but she is not a child and she will not be sacrificed for sins she has not committed. he has not right and there’s only one way she can see this ending as the days grow longer. like life itself begins, this too will end in blood.

LOVE IS A HARD KNIFE ; A GIRL CAN’T STOMACH AMBROSIA

there is a consequence to every action and every inaction. every little thing she chooses not to tell shane fester and boils. the late nights at work and the new passcode on her phone seem more to shane like cheating than a worsening of some creep’s obsession. she hasn’t even mentioned evan to him since the trees started blooming again. when he elects to cheer her up and bring her lunch during a shift she traded so she could practice at the gun range, his suspicions deepen and while she sleeps that morning, he rifles through her work bag and finds alongside her locked cell phone the cold steel of a secret that he cannot abide by.

it’s not his fault either and she means that from the bottom of her heart. every kindness from the stones feels like another debt and neve can’t help but let the resentment fester in the tasteful diamond on her finger. when she looks upon his face now all she can see is death and it’s the world’s cruelest joke, because she’s the one with cemetery dirt underneath her fingernails. she can’t tell which of the two of them she resents more and they both deserve lives where ghosts stay buried and the dead don’t whisper malcontent in her ears while she struggles to fall asleep. nightmares are her own warm milk; she’s sick of the cold metal of a gun as she moves it from her night stand to her purse each morning. she’s tired of being made to feel like she had a stake in any of this.

it’s not the kindest way to leave a man, but she’s not sure she’s ready to face him again after all that’s happened. she leaves her house keys with her cousin paloma and packs up shane’s stuff. paloma has just started nursing school and can use neve’s father’s old house to sublet. the rent’s free and she’s always been gentle hearted. neve can’t think of anyone better to care for her father’s old house. with dear john letters to both shane and the hospital, neve takes robocop and enough of her things to fit into her subaru forester. it’s not goodbye. it’s never goodbye, she thinks as she hugs paloma on the modest porch. it still feels so permanent, but neve tells herself that big decisions always do. she yearns to discover who she is outside of grief and fear and love. a daughter cannot bloom in her parents’ shadows and she is suffocating underneath the gentle love of the mourning glory.

on the road without a real plan–because if she doesn’t know where she’s going, then neither does evan–neve signs on for a travel nursing company. the first assignment she considers is salem hospital an hour south and it’s a great department, but it’s too close to home. he’ll find her there easily. st. charles in bend isn’t far enough away either. it doesn’t feel like enough of a difference and none of them do until she’s cruising down the interstate through blythe, california and she sees a listing for a level one trauma center in tuscon, arizona. it feels like it could be the right place to burn and be born again.

A GIRL AND HER DOG; SOMETIMES PEACE IS ITS OWN KIND OF PRISON

the cool steel of the snub nose .357 revolver lies buried beneath her registration and owner’s manual in the glove compartment. she wonders briefly as she pulls out her sunglasses and slips a salty french fry into her mouth. the car stereo fades in and out along the southbound highway, switching between some smooth-talking radio host and the tinny crooning of buddy holly. it makes her think of her father, and she blinks back tears–plugging in her iphone to switch to a tune that doesn’t bring back such painful memories. robocop whines in the backseat and neve discovers that her maps aren’t loading any longer, the gps unable to locate their vehicle.

there’s no sense in pulling over and pulling out the map of arizona she purchased from a disinterested teen in the first gas station she’d come across in the state. there’s only two days before the job starts and, according to her recruiter, they’d already moved the orientation up a day, cutting her time to adjust to her new ( temporary ) place before work in half. taking a long drink of coffee–now as cold as her french fries–she blinks hard to keep awake and just when she thinks she’ll have to pull over and sleep in her car huddled close to robocop’s warm, furry body.

neve passes a hospital on the outskirts of town–lit up all pretty against the dark desert sky. it looks nice enough and the longer she drives, the more she considers that her recruiter might’ve told her they were full up in tuscon. maybe that was why they moved the date up for orientation afterall. in the dark august night, most of the businesses are closed and the lights in the mobile home park neve passes are off. the first place she sees open is bj’s food mart and she stops to get a fresh cup of coffee and stretch her legs. she learns inside that amen county is always hiring and leaves with a smile on her lips.

neve has spent nine peaceful months in boot hill. the gun no longer lives shoved into the bottom of her work bag or nestled into the glove compartment of her subaru. now it spends its days in solitude in the coffin-like drawer of her bedside table. evan will never find this place, she is almost sure of it. he might be looking for her, but he’s not looking for boot hill. some evenings on her long strolls to work, she smiles and closes her eyes–listening to the soothing sounds of the town.

soon enough, neve is sure there really was no travel assignment to reach. or, if there had been, she can’t remember where it’s at. instead, she takes some time to enjoy the small town and the anonymity she feels there. she’s not even living out of the silk bonnet hotel anymore. she hadn’t seen boot hill on any map during her road trip and, if that’s universal, her past can’t find her without a destination to set its sights on. there is more than great comfort in that. by the end of her first month, she can’t imagine living anywhere else.

the emergency department is not the bustling trauma center she was used to, but there is an appeal to the autonomy rural medicine offers an experienced nurse. hell, in some places the doctors only come in if you call them. neve can’t exactly remember the application and interview process anymore. it seems like there are so many things that have become mysteries and she can’t find herself caring enough to investigate them long enough to follow an actual lead. it seems like she’s always worked there–an instantaneous sensation of home. she couldn’t even leave if she wanted to.

❝ how else can i say it but like this? like a fever, i burned and then broke. how else can i say it but like this? like the dawn, i broke and then rose. ❞

CENSUS,

FACECLAIM › Adelaide Kane AUTHOR › Lucia

[whatjeon]

high school student!jungkook

genre(s): headcanons/bullet points, high school!au, (low-key) fuckboy!au, (a smidge of) badboy!au, friends to lovers, slow burn (??), a lil bit of angst, kinda crack-y, basically an emotional rollercoaster

warning(s): strong language

A/N: hello friends i am back not with an imagine but a bunch of bullet points i’ll try and pass off as mini-paragraphs!! anyway, i’ve been thinking about this a lot so i figured that i might as well publish something if i want to keep calling myself a “writer”... enjoy!! p.s. sorry not sorry for all the cliches and shitty humour LOL

high school student!jungkook au 

jungkook’s the new kid at your high school and moved into your neighbourhood during the summer of your sophomore year

lives in the big-ass house with a pool and indoor theatre bc his dad’s some music producer or something

honestly you had no idea he had moved in until the first day of school and even then, you had no clue what the fuss was about (but that was partially due to the fact that you hadn’t seen him yet lol)

he’s hot af and he knows it too which makes him hella cocky

he strolls into every single class with one hand in his jean pocket and the other either: a) running through his perfectly-gelled black hair or b) loosely holding onto his backpack strap

you’re sitting in AP psych with your five thousand pencils and highlighters out on your desk ready to clutch that A for the semester when he saunters in whistling

as soon as you see him walk in you know that he’s a fuckboy™

timberlands? check

light-washed jeans? check

plain white tee? checkcheckcheck

when he catches you looking at him (not that he could blame you like tbh everyone was checking him out) he winks at you and flashes you a smirk before sitting a couple seats behind you

by the end of the day you learn that you have AP psych and AP econ with jungkook

he’s quiet in class but you know he’s smart because the first thing your AP econ teacher has you guys do is participate in a game of kahoot as a diagnostic test. you sit behind jungkook so you’re able to see his laptop screen as he clicks on the right answers. he actually places first in the entire class and surprise surprise !! you end up placing second thanks to jeon jungkook the econ god

the next day at school you’re at your locker taking out your textbook for your math course when jungkook stops by and leans against the one next to yours and goes like “i believe you owe me a thank you, hmm?”

and you’re like “for what?” bc you genuinely forgot all about the kahoot test

jungkook laughs, tilts his head to the side, and as he’s glancing at your eyes he says “econ?”

in that moment you realise jungkook is not only attractive but also really really observant

“oh,” you say, shrugging and closing your locker. “thanks, i guess. see you around... jungkook, right?”

his finely-chiselled jaw drops and he’s like who does this girl think she is omf i’m literally the talk of the school AND WE HAVE TWO CLASSES TOGETHER

all he can do is smile (not as smugly, though, since you just ended the conversation) and push himself off of the locker he was leaning against

as he turns to go to his next class he can’t help but wonder who you really are because he’s a masochist you don’t take shit and you’re... kinda cute actually

the next day in psych jungkook’s hardcore flirting with you because he is determined to prove that there’s no way any girl on earth can resist jeon jungkook 

from behind you hear a pencil tip snapping followed by jungkook’s smooth voice cursing “oh my god i don’t have a spare” and being a nice person you turn around and hand him one of yours

as he takes the pencil his fingers brush against yours (ON PURPOSE!!!) and he winks at you before saying “life without you is like a broken pencil... pointless”

you send him an unamused smile and retort “your efforts are like a broken pencil. nice try, jeon”

the nickname sticks and you proceed to call him jeon for the next four months of school

jungkook likes how you’re not madly in love with him like the majority of the school so he makes even more of an effort to talk to you and get to know you during your classes and you become pretty good friends (??) if you can call it that

it’s really more like close acquaintances who can flirt joke around with each other

sometime in october jungkook asks you why you keep calling him jeon instead of jungkook and you tell him that he’s not worth two syllables (but in reality it’s because you think his last name sounds really cool... also the corner of his mouth always twitches upwards when you do but you aren’t ever mentioning that to him) and all he does is laugh because it’s refreshing to have a girl roast him instead of fawn over him, especially since he accidentally flashed his abs at basketball try-outs whoops

time skip ! it’s november and exams are coming up in a week so you’re studying for hours on end almost every day, sleeping late and waking early until one day you sleep through your alarm

you’re rushing out the front door and getting on your bike when you hear a “y/n!” behind you

surprise!!! it’s jungkook on his motorcycle (ofc he has a motorcycle lmao)

he’s like “wow, little miss honour student late for school?” and you leave your bike on your front porch before putting on the helmet and retorting with “can you just stick with an aesthetic?? you’re clearly a fuckboy–– only bad boys own motorcycles”

jungkook bites his lip to hide his grin but the urge to smile is so strong that he has to look down at his vans so that you can’t see just how happy you make him

you’re five minutes away from school when you realise that he isn’t wearing a helmet because he gave you his and your arms instinctively tighten around his waist

jungkook almost chokes, which is unlike him because he’s jeon jungkook, one of the most attractive boys at your school and #1 fuckboy, and he’ll be damned if he starts falling for some random girl just because she’s arguably one of the hardest-working people in the grade and her eyes remind him of stars and when she laughs it’s like honey drizzling on top of pancakes on a sunday mor–– and that’s when jeon jungkook realises he likes you

WHICH IS WHY as soon as you guys get to school he walks away and flirts with the first girl he sees

you’re like “ok???” but hella confused and low-key jealous mad

littLE DO YOU KNOW that as soon as you’re out of sight jungkook’s face goes from ;) to :( because he doesn’t want to flirt with anyone else except you

school ends and you walk through the parking lot to get to the main road when jungkook spots you and rides his motorcycle over, tossing his helmet at you

“get on, y/n. we’re going home”

and you ask him why bc you’re still kinda pissed about what happened that morning and he says “it’s what friends do” even though calling whatever it is that you have “friendship” feels wrong and just a little bit painful

from that day on jungkook drives you to school and back every day on his motorcycle (after he promises you that he’ll get a second helmet), even on days where his first class is a free period and he technically could wake up an hour later than usual because homeboy is hopelessly in love with you

it’s spring AKA track season !! jeon jungkook, the golden (ex)fuckboy (you can’t be a fuckboy if you only flirt with one girl sorry jeon) of your high school, makes the ~varsity~ team

which means he can’t drive you home after school because you don’t do a spring sport :( but you’re cool with it

this is also the time when you become really close with another notorious fuckboy who lives in your neighbourhood, kim taehyung, except there’s no sexual tension between you two because taehyung is a good bro™ who just likes to get it on sometimes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

one day jungkook sees you and taehyung walking home together when practice is canceled and he is JEALOUS AF

he knows he’s being irrational but going home together is you and jungkook’s thing !!! not you and taehyung’s thing !!!!!

so the next day he goes to “talk” to taehyung bc he doesn’t want you to know he’s jealous and basically tells taehyung to “get the fuck away from y/n or else” and taehyung smirks and refuses bc he’s a little shit

aaaaand you’re just chilling during your free period when a friend tells you that your mans jungkook and taehyung are fighting in the quad

the fight gets broken up as soon as you enter because 1) jungkook doesn’t want you to see him all violent and 2) taehyung actually really likes being your friend and doesn’t want to mess things up that badly

but the damage is done and people are already talking about how y/n, a notorious goody two-shoes, is dating jungkook and taehyung at the same time and they both found out, leading to their fight at the quad

you ignore jungkook and taehyung for the rest of the day for damage control but it’s useless and your “perfect” image has been tarnished

you head over to jungkook’s house after he’s done with track practice and chew. him. out. 

which then turns into a full-blown argument

“everyone thinks that i’m a fucking whore now thanks to you and your goddamn temper, jungkook. honestly, can you grow the fuck up?”

“well you didn’t have to go around doing who knows what with taehyung, y/n”

“as if you’re any better”

you guys are screaming at each other and the argument ends when jungkook finally loses his composure and yells “then why don’t you just fucking leave and never come back, y/n?”

so you angrily storm off, tears welling up in your eyes

the next morning you wake up feeling awful and you have half the mind to skip school for the day, but then you remember that you’re a high school student taking multiple APs so skipping class is waaay out of the question

you’re about to head out the door when you remember that jungkook isn’t there to drive you to class anymore :( so you have to go from the back door to the bike shed and take your old bike out

when you emerge from the backyard you see a figure dressed in a black hoodie and grey sweats (classic fuckboy™ clothing), leaning against his black motorcycle with his hands in his pockets, staring intently at the ground

you’re in front of him when he finally looks up

his brown eyes widen and he clears his throat nervously but you speak first because you got 0 sleep last night and seeing him look so soft and just him being there in front of your house even after a huge fight makes your heart swell

“i didn’t mean what i said yesterday. well, i did mean some parts but i never meant to use my words to hurt you. i was mad and being irrational. i’m sorry. you mean so much to me and i just–– i’m pretty sure i’m like, in love with you and oh my god did i just say that? i mean––”

and jungkook’s speechless but also relieved because then that means he doesn’t have to do the confessing first

what he does do first is kiss you in the middle of your rambling because 1) he loves you too and 2) he doesn’t want you to embarrass yourself any further lol

when the two of you finally part he just smiles really softly at you and pull you in for a tight hug

“i love you too, y/n. i’m still a little mad, though”

and you’re like oh boy, here we go but then jungkook smirks, tightens his hold on you, and says “i can’t believe taehyung is the reason why we finally confessed to each other”

when you and jungkook walk into school together with your hands tightly clasped together everyone is like POWER COUPLE ALERT because the ex-fuckboy and goody-two-shoes are actually dating ?!!

bonus: you guys are voted prom king and queen wow stan legends stan jungkook and y/n

extra bonus: taehyung is your ship’s #1 fan and president of the unofficial jungkook+y/n fanclub

[southboundhqarchive]

MEET NEVE,

FULL NAME › Genevieve ‘Neve’ Sloane Channing AGE › thirty GENDER › Cis female (She/Her/Hers) FROM › Portland, Oregon RESIDENCE › Tangerine Street (Midtown) OCCUPATION › ER Nurse at the Amen County General Hospital NOW PLAYING › Troublemaker by Beach House

BIOGRAPHY,

trigger warnings: murder, death, graphic violence, mental health, postpartum depression, suicide, cancer, drug mention, parent death, medical, euthanasia mention, stalking, guns

THE FOG CREEPS IN ; GIRLHOOD IS A GRAVEYARD

genevieve channing is born on a cold, grey february sometime around midnight to douglas and paula channing while the heavy oregon fog kisses the modest concrete jungle of portland oregon like a phantom. paula gives her a big name, telling the nurses with heady confidence that she’ll be famous one day, and it’s the biggest gift she ever gives her. baby genevieve is in her arms so often, she hardly touches a cradle, but it’s not long until douglas feels an uneasiness creeping in.

paula is bohemian silk skirts and crushed velvet. she grows restless being trapped in the plain, modest home in northeast. she is a woman that is easy to fall in love with—not meant to sit at home idly with a collicy baby, where she finds herself in tears more than ever. douglas returns from work to find baby genevieve screaming unattended in her crib while paula cries in the backyard with an ashtray full of cigarettes. she tells him she’s worried she’ll crash the car one day on the way to the grocery store with them both inside. douglas digs his teeth into his bottom lip and tries not to cry. he squeezes her hand and tells her she needs to go to therapy. what he really wants to tell her is that their baby needs her. he leaves paula outside and spends the afternoon tidying the house with genevieve swaddled against his chest. it’s a warm feeling.

it’s not long after that paula starts disappearing for periods of time and douglas learns she can’t be trusted to watch after the baby on her own. when she calls from downtown in tears, hyperverbal and desperate, he picks her up in his old chevy truck and brings her home. she agrees to see a doctor and for awhile, they figure out how to live again. some days are even as sweet as the rhubarb pies she starts to make again.

there are only two ways neve later remembers her mother, and the first is lovely–paula is picnics and shakespeare in the parks. she’s dried roses in the window and salmon tacos with mango salsa. she is whirlwind adventures and laughter. she teaches neve to make wishes on stray eyelashes, blowing them into the wind like dandelion seeds. on the good days, paula’s eyes are filled with stars. on the bad days, they are left black as the night sky while she cries the constellations down her cheeks. occasionally, she is cruel. mostly, she is absent.

by the third grade, neve expects this. douglas has never been much of a cook–save hamburger patties with canned green beans and a baked potato. she cooks their dinners from recipes she learns from her grandmas and helps around the house. most nights she’s home alone until the grumbling sound of the chevy breaks through the dark and signals her father’s return. eventually, she stops missing her mother from the everyday–it’s only when the other kids talk about their moms that she feels the pang of loss and wonders where she is. some nights neve finds herself sitting in her bedroom window pulling out eyelashes just to have something left to wish on. some of paula’s friends overdose on heroin or get murdered in the nights when neve is sleeping; she stays up late and hopes that her vigil will keep a distant mother safe.

there aren’t many trees on their street–unlike some of the other neighborhoods. the big weeping birch in their backyard that drives her father crazy as he rakes leaves every fall is neve’s pride and joy. there is comfort in the shade its branches cast every summer. at night it makes her lonely as it blocks the silhouette of the waxing moon. on lazy summer days when her father leaves for work, neve sits with her back curved against its rough trunk and reads the day away.

on a cool april afternoon, just after preparing a plate of cherry poptarts with a thin layer of butter on top of the frosting ( much to her father’s chagrin ), neve ventures out to the modest yard to sit under her tree. the familiar crushed blue velvet of her mother’s favorite dress catches her off guard and she drops her breakfast onto the unkempt lawn as her mind makes sense of the unnatural height of its hem as paula swings–marking the time of neve’s pounding heartbeat. the butter solidifies as it cools in the dirt, the heel of neve’s hand-me-down airwalk sneakers mashing her breakfast. the cherry filling sticks to the sole like bubblegum; she’ll never eat them again, but she can’t help but recall that her mom always preferred the maple and brown sugar.

THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST HER ; A GIRL LEARNS TO COUNT CARDS

portland in the eighties and nineties is less portlandia and more drugstore cowboy. a lot of kids from other neighborhoods don’t go downtown. the ones that do have an air of palpable grit. neve takes the max, rides her skateboard in the dark. douglas has cautioned her a hundred thousand times, but paula’s death has instilled such a great fear of losing his daughter that he lets her get away with more than he knows he probably should. he fears paula’s ghost will someday possess her and she’ll wander off into the ether. most days he insists that the only parts of paula he sees in his cherished daughter are the good ones–neve holds onto the corporeal world with claws. it’s only on the worst nights–paula’s specter cooling the sheets of his bed in the dark–that he wakes up with the fear his daughter is gone.

douglas’s new wife, rosie, does her best to pit them against one another, but sometimes–she’s not so bad, neve thinks. it’s nice to have a mother figure in the house again even if she falls short most days. sometimes she thinks that maybe they could learn to love each other. if nothing else, she’s sure she owes a bit of gratitude to the woman; the nights of her father’s haunting sobs have become fewer and farther between. it isn’t until douglas begins receiving late notices on utilities that he begins to grow suspicious. rosie is quick to throw neve under the bus–a young girl like that? she’s probably stealing their money to spend on drugs and CDs at sam goody. douglas has never bet on anyone like he bets on his daughter; rosie’s gambling debts are news to them both.

the fallout of the relationship leaves douglas and neve in dire financial straits. the father is heartbroken–another love lost, he blames himself for always choosing the wrong lady luck. despite their financial ruin, left in rosie’s wake, douglas has a hard time getting out of bed most days and blows through what little sick time he has available to him. school takes a back burner and neve barely attends it at all–favoring her time on finding work ( legitimate and illegitimate ) to help keep their small family afloat. she attends class when it’s profitable and waits tables or washes dishes when she can. it’s still not enough.

a few kids turn neve onto small crimes to turn a profit. they ride the max to the suburbs and crash parties–stealing pills out of medicine cabinets and turning them over for profit. calculus wasn’t worth a good goddamn, but distribution teaches skills. it’s hard not to get caught up in petty thefts and the occasional break-ins. neve and her friends find it easy to justify in the spirit of class war. a pin on her denim jacket reads ‘eat the rich’ and it doesn’t sound so bad. portland is a cannibal and it eats its children.

neve is a cat with nine lives and despite her friends being caught by the long arm of the law or the stronger arm of revenge, she evades detection. even such cats live with a fear of death, and as consequence catches up to members of the small circle she runs with, neve knows she is living on borrowed time. sooner or later, she knows, her luck will run bone dry.

SPRING RETURNS TO PORTLAND ; THE FROST CLINGS TO FRAGILE BONES

neve dropping out of high school is a wake up call for douglas. he sees farther than she does and knows that she deserves a better life than the one he’s scrounged together for her. most days, he blames himself for a life that could have been; some kids like her wore neatly pressed dresses and folded over lace socks on picture day. some kids had piano lessons and summer camps. there’s a lot of insight in hindsight, but neve staunchly opposes his masochistic remorse and becomes determined to prove him wrong. it takes her a couple years of working to figure out what she wants to do–a girl baptised in her mother’s blood is born with the kind of heart that takes on too much. she is meant for saving lives and carrying the world on her shoulders like atlas himself.

it takes time, but as douglas gets their house in order and starts working again. neve is able to start up at portland community college. she takes up a work study job and works a steady flow of odd jobs on the side to support herself. lady luck shines her fortune on the pair for the first time in forever to make up for the steady losses they’ve sustained over the years. life isn’t lavender and gardenias, but somehow waking up becomes little and less painful each day. some days neve wakes up and forgets that she can’t breathe. most days she spends her gratitude in the heap of debt the world owes her–waiting for the other shoe to drop.

the rebirth of their family is a hearty soil; both channings flourish as if made anew. the dew drops that cling to garden spider webs in their window signal the looming anniversary of a mother’s misty breath and neve learns not to fall apart. douglas works hard to do right by her and make up for the years of never knowing what to do and waffling between what is best and what is desirable. he is a man that longs for dreams–feet barely brushing the earth like her mother’s did on that day–but he is learning to make dreams work too. his dreams take root around his daughter once more; he builds them around her and builds her up with them.

the highschool dropout graduates her community college adn bridge program and she can hardly believe it when she’s accepted to ohsu for her bsn. there are no college diplomas with the channing name hanging on walls with peeling wallpaper or tucked away in trunks with paula’s things. douglas has saved his money for months to get her the right graduation gift and neve laughs, downplaying that it’s not a real graduation, but still walks in the ceremony at his insistence.

she returns home to the small party of friends she’ll start to grow apart from when she gets tired of the jeers about how she thinks she’s ‘too good for them’ now. neighborhoods like hers don’t always love to watch you grow if it means you’ll leave them. they’ll still blow up her phone for medical advice, but the invitations dry up like the drought of portland natives in southeast. for now, it’s a pleasant barbecue. the highlight of the evening comes in the small bundle of inky fur that douglas proudly produces after neve’s second burger. peering out from his strong arms are the brown eyes of a young siberian husky. douglas begs her to name the pup murphy over robocop, but loses easily–a hearty chuckle on his lips. they are bonded instantly–girl and dog–robocop becomes neve’s second most stalwart companion next to her father.

nursing school is hard, but it’s not impossible and it is full of new kinds of joys. she makes new friends and they eat lunch from the thai foodcart—nestled within the pod of south waterfront—and lay on the quad drinking smoothies and complaining about the next pharmacology exam. nose in a book and a drink in her hand at happy hour down at cha cha cha !, neve attracts the attention of pa student shane stone. he knows a nursing school classmate of hers from high school and is quickly incorporated to their study groups with a couple of his friends. he is tall with dark hair and kind eyes and just the sort of person a girl dreams of falling in love with. he spends little time worrying about things like rent and bus passes. it’s not even the end of the semester before study dates evolve into movie dates. there’s an entire world between them, but somehow the pair build a bridge.

DEATH RATTLES AND DYING BREATH ; THE GIRL’S OTHER SHOE DROPS

as neve focuses on school, douglas seems to be making steps to keep himself around longer. they go for long walks with robocop around the neighborhood. southeast portland is becoming a different neighborhood and the cost of living is high. restaurants crop up with around the block waits and family friends are forced to move to grayer pastures. it seems, to the channings, that it’s the end of an era. with neve spending most of her time at shane’s apartment on south waterfront, douglas’ weight loss is hardly noticed–everyone assumes it is merely the byproduct of increased activity. it isn’t until his stature becomes gaunt that neve starts to worry.

shane holds neve close when she finally breaks down–sneaking into the single bathroom of the clinic to let her fall apart the way he knows she can’t do in the open. like a wild animal, the girl he loves hides herself away when she feels death’s acrid breath on her neck. he doesn’t know what loss is and he certainly can’t relate to what she’s been through. douglas’ diagnosis is like watching the noose tighten around her mother’s neck all over again. her throat is dry like she’s choking on the fibers of that same rope; the world has a foggy edge—hollow like street lights illuminating an empty suburban neighborhood on a clear, dark night. everything is wooden; everything feels like a dollhouse.

it’s hard to keep up on her studies, but somehow neve muscles through. shane gives up his idyllic apartment and moves into their modest southeast home to help out. he makes a lighthearted joke about finally being a real portlander and moving so near the trendy, revitalized mississippi neighborhood and neve drops and breaks her coffee mug on the unfinished wood floor of the kitchen. it’s just another reminder that he doesn’t belong in her world any more than she does in his. it doesn’t sting as bad as the ink on his mother’s checks that she cashes to keep her father comfortable on his deathbed while she learns to be a better caretaker. life ebbs and flows, but douglas’ drains away until she hardly recognizes the sinewy, pale hands that hold hers so strongly for a man that can’t sit up by himself any longer. she curses her mother once more for leaving and twice for never having been there in the first place.

death isn’t slow or peaceful like the woman from her father’s church will lie about at the funeral. his death rattle lasts for hours and the bellows of his chest quake with weary breath. part of her wishes that the hospice nurse had started an iv on him and a sick, hidden part of her wishes it because a sweet dose of morphine would’ve ended it all sooner for him. she wonders silently if that would do more to ease his pain or hers? he hasn’t been conscious in two days. shane sits with her at the side of his bed with rapt attention and as his breathing slows, neve crawls into the hospice bed next to him. the next several months are a blur and a father misses his only daughter’s graduation. neve is barely present there herself.

shane insists that she’s not an orphan–his parents fly in from denver and treat her like one of their own. it guilts her that she can’t help but resent them for the simple virtue of living while her own father is reduced to a cold dust. she wears his ashes around her neck in a pendant from the funeral home and spreads the rest in every beautiful place she can find. some of them spill into her purse during a hike with robo and shane and she breaks down in tears. there are so many small things that make her sick or numb. a multitude of tiny memories that weigh as much as planets; isn’t dust what helped create the milky way? even around the stone family she feels alone. maybe especially around the stones.

HACKLES RAISED, A GIRL LEARNS THE DANGERS OF BEING FLORENCE NIGHTINGALE

the emergency department attracts all kinds of people in myriad dire straits. people come in at the end of their ropes–infections ignored too long, stabbings and shootings, a broken bone from slipping off the slide, and sometimes when they feel like they can’t live any longer. evan does not fit into any of these categories when he comes in. among the myriad failings of the medical system, lack of access and use of primary care is one of the larger contributions to higher emergency department volumes and evan is another data point in a sea of statistics. he comes back to neve’s room with a sly grin plastered on his face and states that he’s new to the area and can’t get into a new primary care for a few months. his daily asthma inhaler is out and he needs to renew the prescription and get a referral to a clinic.

there’s nothing on the surface that identifies this man as a threat. he’s almost charming and he’s nontoxic appearing–a nice easy patient in a sea of sick people is sometimes a great relief. they make some small talk and it’s the usual stuff she chats about with patients: ‘where’re you from?’ ‘where did you go to school?’ he expresses an interest in nursing and she recommends the program she attended at the hospital she now works. there’s almost a tension there, and when he makes a casual comment about the tan line on her finger she tells him that she doesn’t wear her engagement ring at work because it can tear the gloves. that’s only half right. maybe he can sense the rest of the truth; she’ll wonder that later when she pieces together every scrap of something she can use to blame it on herself.

he sends her a message on facebook, which makes her lips curl downwards in uncertainty. even that isn’t entirely alarming. it opens up reminding her that he’s knew to the area, and that he’s interested in the nursing program she went to. it’s a surprise, but he makes mention of a girlfriend’s wifi and he even asks how shane is doing. he loves her dog and mentions wanting one himself. sure, it’s a little weird–unconventional–but neve has always been interested in helping others find nursing and agrees to meet him for coffee to discuss the program. when they meet, she sees the mistake inherit in it before she even opens the cafe door. he’s disheveled and hyperverbal when he speaks to her and she can barely get a word in edge wise. between the gift he’s brought her and the intensity of his stare, she wonders how she could have read him so wrong. it’s then that he drops the bomb that makes her stomach sink into the trench it detonates in–will they take him in the nursing program with a record? she doesn’t ask, but he provides the details anyway. death threats to some girl he barely knew that wouldn’t leave him alone, he paints the canvas well, but she can read between the lines. evan stevens is dangerous and his lethal eye is trained on her.

she makes an excuse to leave–the first of many excuses, the illusion of being unavailable, unattainable. it’s the advice she’s given to women before, but never had to follow. those words offered to women in distress seem so trite now, so hollow. there is so much fear in cutting ties slowly–the strategic approach to keep an impulsive person like that from escalating. she wishes she could take those clinical offerings of textbook wisdom back from those women and hold their hands. she wonders how many of them still live. he starts blowing up her phone constantly. he comments on all her social media. all day and all night. if she doesn’t respond, he threatens suicide. some days he asks if she’s working and says he brought her lunch. if she says she’s sick, he asks for her address to bring her tom yum takeout from the restaurant she’s posted about on instagram. everything makes her sick now.

A FINAL GIRL IS FORGED ALONE ; THERE IS NO SUBVERTING FATE

god, it’s hard to speak about. she can’t even let the words reach her tongue, lips and teeth to birth them. they shrivel and die in her throat, festering there until she swallows them and they rest in her stomach like great stones. she wonders if evan will cut her stomach open like a wolf and find the rocks there. that’s not how the story goes; she tells herself so many versions as she lies awake in the dark afraid to sleep.

when she finally tells her friends–a smattering of girls and guys from nursing school, the er, and her neighborhood–the response is like the knife she dreams about in her gut. she shows some of the girls at her work his picture, worried that he’ll come in asking about her. she’s chided by these friends, “he’s actually pretty cute, florence nightingale” they joke. “it must be flattering to have the attention.” even shane suspected that there’s some indulgence on her part. that maybe she likes trying to fix people who are broken so much that she gets some sick reward from the experience. he doesn’t speak the words, but neve is fluent in shane stone. he says it in his eyes, the downcurve of his lips, the tense way he sighs when her phone dings over and over again during date nights.

on a cold night in december, neve works on meal prepping alone in the kitchen. evan has been out of town helping his mother remodel her kitchen and neve feels like she can finally breathe in the space he’s left behind. turning on the wireless speaker, she tries to pair her phone to play music as loud as the thin walls of her father’s modest northeast portland home will allow and instead hears, in the cold, robotic voice ‘pairing with neve’s iphone and evan’s iphone.’ robocop doesn’t even lift his head in suspicion the whole night. she calls 911, but they find neither hide nor hair of him. in the morning, neve nails the windows shut and buys a gun–a smith & wesson .357 snub nose revolver. the weight of it is heavy in her hands and she buys a membership to a gun range, calling into work and practicing until shane returns. she doesn’t tell him about the gun and she stops telling him how bad things have gotten with evan. the click of his tongue and disapproval in his eyes is more dooming than a death sentence and she can’t bear to bring further disappointment. neve channing is a strong woman–a smart woman. things like this don’t happen to women like her.

somehow, evan is everywhere and he knows all her secret places as if he exists as an extension of her. maybe he even believes he is–sending her voice messages about how they’re connected. they are the same; they are foils of one another. he send her a picture of his ouroboros tattoo from a new number after she finally blocks him. ‘we are the same.’ he is an all-consuming, devouring force, but she is not a serpent’s tail. he is moloch–besmeared with blood, the great, horrid king–but she is not a child and she will not be sacrificed for sins she has not committed. he has not right and there’s only one way she can see this ending as the days grow longer. like life itself begins, this too will end in blood.

LOVE IS A HARD KNIFE ; A GIRL CAN’T STOMACH AMBROSIA

there is a consequence to every action and every inaction. every little thing she chooses not to tell shane fester and boils. the late nights at work and the new passcode on her phone seem more to shane like cheating than a worsening of some creep’s obsession. she hasn’t even mentioned evan to him since the trees started blooming again. when he elects to cheer her up and bring her lunch during a shift she traded so she could practice at the gun range, his suspicions deepen and while she sleeps that morning, he rifles through her work bag and finds alongside her locked cell phone the cold steel of a secret that he cannot abide by.

it’s not his fault either and she means that from the bottom of her heart. every kindness from the stones feels like another debt and neve can’t help but let the resentment fester in the tasteful diamond on her finger. when she looks upon his face now all she can see is death and it’s the world’s cruelest joke, because she’s the one with cemetery dirt underneath her fingernails. she can’t tell which of the two of them she resents more and they both deserve lives where ghosts stay buried and the dead don’t whisper malcontent in her ears while she struggles to fall asleep. nightmares are her own warm milk; she’s sick of the cold metal of a gun as she moves it from her night stand to her purse each morning. she’s tired of being made to feel like she had a stake in any of this.

it’s not the kindest way to leave a man, but she’s not sure she’s ready to face him again after all that’s happened. she leaves her house keys with her cousin paloma and packs up shane’s stuff. paloma has just started nursing school and can use neve’s father’s old house to sublet. the rent’s free and she’s always been gentle hearted. neve can’t think of anyone better to care for her father’s old house. with dear john letters to both shane and the hospital, neve takes robocop and enough of her things to fit into her subaru forester. it’s not goodbye. it’s never goodbye, she thinks as she hugs paloma on the modest porch. it still feels so permanent, but neve tells herself that big decisions always do. she yearns to discover who she is outside of grief and fear and love. a daughter cannot bloom in her parents’ shadows and she is suffocating underneath the gentle love of the mourning glory.

on the road without a real plan–because if she doesn’t know where she’s going, then neither does evan–neve signs on for a travel nursing company. the first assignment she considers is salem hospital an hour south and it’s a great department, but it’s too close to home. he’ll find her there easily. st. charles in bend isn’t far enough away either. it doesn’t feel like enough of a difference and none of them do until she’s cruising down the interstate through blythe, california and she sees a listing for a level one trauma center in tuscon, arizona. it feels like it could be the right place to burn and be born again.

A GIRL AND HER DOG; SOMETIMES PEACE IS ITS OWN KIND OF PRISON

the cool steel of the snub nose .357 revolver lies buried beneath her registration and owner’s manual in the glove compartment. she wonders briefly as she pulls out her sunglasses and slips a salty french fry into her mouth. the car stereo fades in and out along the southbound highway, switching between some smooth-talking radio host and the tinny crooning of buddy holly. it makes her think of her father, and she blinks back tears–plugging in her iphone to switch to a tune that doesn’t bring back such painful memories. robocop whines in the backseat and neve discovers that her maps aren’t loading any longer, the gps unable to locate their vehicle.

there’s no sense in pulling over and pulling out the map of arizona she purchased from a disinterested teen in the first gas station she’d come across in the state. there’s only two days before the job starts and, according to her recruiter, they’d already moved the orientation up a day, cutting her time to adjust to her new ( temporary ) place before work in half. taking a long drink of coffee–now as cold as her french fries–she blinks hard to keep awake and just when she thinks she’ll have to pull over and sleep in her car huddled close to robocop’s warm, furry body.

neve passes a hospital on the outskirts of town–lit up all pretty against the dark desert sky. it looks nice enough and the longer she drives, the more she considers that her recruiter might’ve told her they were full up in tuscon. maybe that was why they moved the date up for orientation afterall. in the dark august night, most of the businesses are closed and the lights in the mobile home park neve passes are off. the first place she sees open is bj’s food mart and she stops to get a fresh cup of coffee and stretch her legs. she learns inside that amen county is always hiring and leaves with a smile on her lips.

neve has spent nine peaceful months in boot hill. the gun no longer lives shoved into the bottom of her work bag or nestled into the glove compartment of her subaru. now it spends its days in solitude in the coffin-like drawer of her bedside table. evan will never find this place, she is almost sure of it. he might be looking for her, but he’s not looking for boot hill. some evenings on her long strolls to work, she smiles and closes her eyes–listening to the soothing sounds of the town.

soon enough, neve is sure there really was no travel assignment to reach. or, if there had been, she can’t remember where it’s at. instead, she takes some time to enjoy the small town and the anonymity she feels there. she’s not even living out of the silk bonnet hotel anymore. she hadn’t seen boot hill on any map during her road trip and, if that’s universal, her past can’t find her without a destination to set its sights on. there is more than great comfort in that. by the end of her first month, she can’t imagine living anywhere else.

the emergency department is not the bustling trauma center she was used to, but there is an appeal to the autonomy rural medicine offers an experienced nurse. hell, in some places the doctors only come in if you call them. neve can’t exactly remember the application and interview process anymore. it seems like there are so many things that have become mysteries and she can’t find herself caring enough to investigate them long enough to follow an actual lead. it seems like she’s always worked there–an instantaneous sensation of home. she couldn’t even leave if she wanted to.

❝ sometimes people die and you cannot save them; sometimes people do not die and you cannot save them. ❞

CENSUS,

FACECLAIM › Adelaide Kane AUTHOR › Lucia

[thecinderellaindisguise]

Today, I went through my Facebook profile pictures, debating whether I should choose a new one or not.

Today, I saw the comment you made on my photo 23 weeks ago. It brought back all the pain and regrets I buried deep within the farthest corners of my mind.

It was a photo of me smiling ear to ear as I sat in front of a century old piano during one of my travels. I remember the tourist guide telling me to pose as if I was playing it but I hesitated. The last time I touched a piano was when I was in the fourth grade and I couldn’t, for the life of me, remember how to play. Still, my friend managed to snap a photo as a remembrance that I was there, in that old pink mansion. She took it to remind me that that certain date and time and place existed.

I remember uploading it as soon as I went back to the rented room that I shared with my friend as we retired for the night. Everyone was quick enough to comment on it, complimenting me and my ability to travel on my own. I responded to each one of them, being the goody-two-shoes that I was, no matter how bored I was of the repetitive half-meant praises.

You were the last one to comment, asking me where it was. It caught me by surprise, to be honest, because we haven’t been talking to each other for quite a while already. I debated whether or not I should respond, but I did anyway. I told you where I was, and I suddenly thought of how you would love to see that place. You and your fascination with architecture. You were an architect after all, and a good one at that.

For a moment, I thought of how you would probably marvel at the old mansions, and how they were able to preserve it for a long time. I wanted to strike up a conversation with you and tell you all about how beautiful that city was, and how it suddenly held a special place in my heart. I’d tell you how you should visit it some time, once you’re no longer busy with raising the future architects of this country.

I never did.

I never talked to you right after I replied to your comment. I never talked to you in the coming weeks.

Was it because of my pride? Ah yes, my goddamn pride. I didn’t want to talk to you because deep down inside, I resented you. I blamed you for what happened a few months ago. I blamed you for the loss of someone we both treasure in our hearts. I thought that maybe, ignoring you was a clear way to show you that I’m still in pain and that you should reflect on your mistakes as someone’s son.

My pride got the best of me.

It was only a few weeks later that I realized how selfish I was.

My dad doesn’t usually message me, except when he wanted to show me pictures of the niece that I never got to hold in my arms as a baby. But that day, there was a sense of urgency with the way he instructed me to contact you. He said someone told them something happened to you. Right then and there, I knew that something was definitely wrong.

In a blink of an eye, we lost you. We lost a man respected by many. We lost a caring and loving father figure that everyone looked up to. All because someone wasn’t careful enough to drive slowly in a crowded lane.

It’s always painful to lose someone you cherish dearly. But when it’s sudden and unexpected, the pain you feel gets a thousand times deeper, like it’s resting right in your bones. It doesn’t go away.

I remember sitting by the police station, listening to everyone and everything around me, but still not making sense of it. The words he’s gone, he’s gone, he’s gone echoing in my brain like a broken record.

I couldn’t believe it. How can someone as kind as you be taken like that? Under a heavy truck with no one to help you.

I remember standing under the shower head that night, the cold water bouncing off my skin as I took a quick bath. My tears came pouring endlessly. I kept on calling out to my mom, asking her how the kids will be. Who will take care of them? Who will look out for them? How will the kids be, mom?

No one will ever know now. But what I do know is that they’re good kids. They will do well. They will because you raised them.

You also almost raised me when I was a baby.

My mom still laughs to this day when she looks back on your wedding day. She would tell people how funny the three-year old me was, holding onto your slacks while you made your vows with your former wife who’s also now an angel up above. Mom said it was only me and your mom who were crying during the ceremony. Everyone else were smiling.

I didn’t think I would cry over you again this soon, but for an entirely different reason.

Why did you have to leave so soon? Is it because God takes the people he love the most first? If so, I have no right to question him.

But I still do, every single day. And every time I look back at that comment you made, I still couldn’t accept why I let my pride get in the way.

You were there for us, even at times when I felt like we don’t need you. I remember driving all the way up to your house every weekend, though at that time, it didn’t really make sense to me why. Now that I’m older, I wish I would’ve done it more. I wish I would’ve spent more time with you.

Thank you so much for taking care of me like your own. Thank you for the countless times that you would check up on me and my mom. I may not have been able to say it before, but you’re one of the countless angels that took us under your wing when life was tough.

I’m sorry I wasn’t able to keep my promise that I would meet up with you soon. I’m sorry if I immediately dismissed the last time you asked me if I had the time to go out with you, telling you I was so sleepy and that I have work in a few hours. If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve passed on sleeping at all.

Most of all, I’m so sorry for blaming you for something you never wanted. We all didn’t want it. It just came naturally. I’m sorry if I’m one of those countless people who talked bad about you and called you a bad son behind your back when your mom was sleeping peacefully in a coffin. I didn’t even ask you about the pain that you felt, losing the only remaining parent that you had. I’m so sorry I wasn’t able to give you strength.

I still think about you to this day. I’m still in pain. I still couldn’t accept why we had to let you go that way. If only there’s a way for me to turn back time, I would tell you everything I have in my heart.

Rest well, angel. You deserve your wings. We will always remember you in our hearts.

[heartlandhq]

❝ sometimes humans just die & you cannot save them. sometimes humans do not die & you cannot save them. ❞

INFORMATION,

full name ⋯ Genevieve ‘Neve’ Sloane Channing age ⋯ 30 years old pronouns ⋯ She/Her/Hers origin ⋯ Omaha, Nebraska / Portland, Oregon affiliation ⋯ Bergan Mercy Hospital position ⋯ Leader

SURVIVABILITY,

advantages ⋯ compassionate & resilient disadvantages ⋯ self-righteous & aloof preferred weapon ⋯ smith & wesson M&P 9 shield, ka-bar straight edge ( full size )

BIOGRAPHY,

trigger warning ⋯ murder, death, gore, mental health, post-partum depression, suicide, cancer, drug mention, parent death, medical, euthanasia

BEFORE DECEMBER 25th, 2017,

THE FOG CREEPS IN ; GIRLHOOD IS A GRAVEYARD

genevieve channing is born on a cold, grey february sometime around midnight to douglas and paula channing while the heavy oregon fog kisses the modest concrete jungle of portland oregon like a phantom. paula gives her a big name, telling the nurses with heady confidence that she’ll be famous one day, and it’s the biggest gift she ever gives her. baby genevieve is in her arms so often, she hardly touches a cradle, but it’s not long until douglas feels an uneasiness creeping in.

paula is bohemian silk skirts and crushed velvet. she grows restless being trapped in the plain, modest home in northeast. she is a woman that is easy to fall in love with—not meant to sit at home idly with a collicy baby, where she finds herself in tears more than ever. douglas returns from work to find baby genevieve screaming unattended in her crib while paula cries in the backyard with an ashtray full of cigarettes. she tells him she’s worried she’ll crash the car one day on the way to the grocery store with them both inside. douglas digs his teeth into his bottom lip and tries not to cry. he squeezes her hand and tells her she needs to go to therapy. what he really wants to tell her is that their baby needs her. he leaves paula outside and spends the afternoon tidying the house with genevieve swaddled against his chest. it’s a warm feeling.

it’s not long after that paula starts disappearing for periods of time and douglas learns she can’t be trusted to watch after the baby on her own. when she calls from downtown in tears, hyperverbal and desperate, he picks her up in his old chevy truck and brings her home. she agrees to see a doctor and for awhile, they figure out how to live again. some days are even as sweet as the rhubarb pies she starts to make again.

there are only two ways neve later remembers her mother, and the first is lovely–paula is picnics and shakespeare in the parks. she’s dried roses in the window and salmon tacos with mango salsa. she is whirlwind adventures and laughter. she teaches neve to make wishes on stray eyelashes, blowing them into the wind like dandelion seeds. on the good days, paula’s eyes are filled with stars. on the bad days, they are left black as the night sky while she cries the constellations down her cheeks. occasionally, she is cruel. mostly, she is absent.

by the third grade, neve expects this. douglas has never been much of a cook–save hamburger patties with canned green beans and a baked potato. she cooks their dinners from recipes she learns from her grandmas and helps around the house. most nights she’s home alone until the grumbling sound of the chevy breaks through the dark and signals her father’s return. eventually, she stops missing her mother from the everyday–it’s only when the other kids talk about their moms that she feels the pang of loss and wonders where she is. some nights neve finds herself sitting in her bedroom window pulling out eyelashes just to have something left to wish on. some of paula’s friends overdose on heroin or get murdered in the nights when neve is sleeping; she stays up late and hopes that her vigil will keep a distant mother safe.

there aren’t many trees on their street–unlike some of the other neighborhoods. the big weeping birch in their backyard that drives her father crazy as he rakes leaves every fall is neve’s pride and joy. their is comfort in the shade its branches cast every summer. at night it makes her lonely as it blocks the silhouette of the waxing moon. on lazy summer days when her father leaves for work, neve sits with her back curved against its rough trunk and read the day away.

on a cool april afternoon, just after preparing a plate of cherry poptarts with a thin layer of butter on top of the frosting ( much to her father’s chagrin ), neve ventures out to the modest yard to sit under her tree. the familiar crushed blue velvet of her mother’s favorite dress catches her off guard and she drops her breakfast onto the unkempt lawn as her mind makes sense of the unnatural height of its hem as paula swings–marking the time of neve’s pounding heartbeat. the butter solidifies as it cools in the dirt, the heel of neve’s hand-me-down airwalk sneakers mashing her breakfast. the cherry filling sticks to the sole like bubblegum; she’ll never eat them again, but she can’t help but recall that her mom always preferred the maple and brown sugar.

THE ODDS ARE STACKED AGAINST HER ; A GIRL LEARNS TO COUNT CARDS

portland in the eighties and nineties is less portlandia and more drugstore cowboy. a lot of kids from other neighborhoods don’t go downtown. the ones that do have an air of palpable grit. neve takes the max, rides her skateboard in the dark. douglas has cautioned her a hundred thousand times, but paula’s death has instilled such a great fear of losing his daughter that he lets her get away with more than he knows he probably should. he fears paula’s ghost will someday possess her and she’ll wander off into the ether. most days he insists that the only parts of paula he sees in his cherished daughter are the good ones–neve holds onto the corporeal world with claws. it’s only on the worst nights–paula’s specter cooling the sheets of his bed in the dark–that he wakes up with the fear his daughter is gone.

douglas’s new wife, rosie, does her best to pit them against one another, but sometimes–she’s not so bad, neve thinks. it’s nice to have a mother figure in the house again even if she falls short most days. sometimes she thinks that maybe they could learn to love each other. if nothing else, she’s sure she owes a bit of gratitude to the woman; the nights of her father’s haunting sobs have become fewer and farther between. it isn’t until douglas begins receiving late notices on utilities that he begins to grow suspicious. rosie is quick to throw neve under the bus–a young girl like that? she’s probably stealing their money to spend on drugs and CDs at sam goody. douglas has never bet on anyone like he bets on his daughter; rosie’s gambling debts are news to them both.

the fallout of the relationship leaves douglas and neve in dire financial straits. the father is heartbroken–another love lost, he blames himself for always choosing the wrong lady luck. despite their financial ruin, left in rosie’s wake, douglas has a hard time getting out of bed most days and blows through what little sick time he has available to him. school takes a back burner and neve barely attends it at all–favoring her time on finding work ( legitimate and illegitimate ) to help keep their small family afloat. she attends class when it’s profitable and waits tables or washes dishes when she can.it’s still not enough.

a few kids turn neve onto small crimes to turn a profit. they ride the max to the suburbs and crash parties–stealing pills out of medicine cabinets and turning them over for profit. calculus wasn’t worth a good goddamn, but distribution teaches skills. it’s hard not to get caught up in petty thefts and the occasional break-ins. neve and her friends find it easy to justify in the spirit of class war. a pin on her denim jacket reads ‘eat the rich’ and it doesn’t sound so bad. portland is a cannibal and it eats its children.

neve is a cat with nine lives and despite her friends being caught by the long arm of the law or the stronger arm of revenge, she evades detection. even such cats live with a fear of death, and as consequence catches up to members of the small circle she runs with, neve knows she is living on borrowed time. sooner or later, she knows, her luck will run bone dry.

SPRING RETURNS TO PORTLAND ; THE FROST CLINGS TO FRAGILE BONES

neve dropping out of high school is a wake up call for douglas. he sees farther than she does and knows that she deserves a better life than the one he’s scrounged together for her. most days, he blames himself for a life that could have been; some kids like her wore neatly pressed dresses and folded over lace socks on picture day. some kids had piano lessons and summer camps. there’s a lot of insight in hindsight, but neve staunchly opposes his masochistic remorse and becomes determined to prove him wrong. it takes her a couple years of working to figure out what she wants to do–a girl baptised in her mother’s blood is born with the kind of heart that takes on too much. she is meant for saving lives and carrying the world on her shoulders like atlas himself.

it takes time, but as douglas gets their house in order and starts working again. neve is able to start up at portland community college. she takes up a work study job and works a steady flow of odd jobs on the side to support herself. lady luck shines her fortune on the pair for the first time in forever to make up for the steady losses they’ve sustained over the years. life isn’t lavender and gardenias, but somehow waking up becomes little and less painful each day. some days neve wakes up and forgets that she can’t breathe. most days she spends her gratitude in the heap of debt the world owes her–waiting for the other shoe to drop.

the rebirth of their family is a hearty soil; both channings flourish as if made anew. the dew drops that cling to garden spider webs in their window signal the looming anniversary of a mother’s misty breath and neve learns not to fall apart. douglas works hard to do right by her and make up for the years of never knowing what to do and waffling between what is best and what is desirable. he is a man that longs for dreams–feet barely brushing the earth like her mother’s did on that day–but he is learning to make dreams work too. his dreams take root around his daughter once more; he builds them around her and builds her up with them.

the highschool dropout graduates her community college adn bridge program and she can hardly believe it when she’s accepted to ohsu for her bsn. there are no college diplomas with the channing name hanging on walls with peeling wallpaper or tucked away in trunks with paula’s things. douglas has saved his money for months to get her the right graduation gift and neve laughs, downplaying that it’s not a real graduation, but still walks in the ceremony at his insistence.

she returns home to the small party of friends she’ll start to grow apart from when she gets tired of the jeers about how she thinks she’s ‘too good for them’ now. neighborhoods like hers don’t always love to watch you grow if it means you’ll leave them. they’ll still blow up her phone for medical advice, but the invitations will dry up like the drought of portland natives in southeast. for now, it’s a pleasant barbecue. the highlight of the evening comes in the small bundle of inky fur that douglas proudly produces after neve’s second burger. peering out from his strong arms are the brown eyes of a young siberian husky. douglas begs her to name the pup murphy over robocop, but loses easily–a hearty chuckle on his lips. they are bonded instantly–girl and dog–robocop becomes neve’s second most stalwart companion next to her father.

nursing school is hard, but it’s not impossible and it is full of new kinds of joys. she makes new friends and they eat lunch from the thai foodcart—nestled within the pod of south waterfront—and lay on the quad drinking smoothies and complaining about the next pharmacology exam. nose in a book and a drink in her hand at happy hour down at cha cha cha !, neve attracts the attention of pa student shane stone. he knows a nursing school classmate of hers from high school and is quickly incorporated to their study groups with a couple of his friends. he is tall with dark hair and kind eyes and just the sort of person a girl dreams of falling in love with. he spends little time worrying about things like rent and bus passes. it’s not even the end of the semester before study dates evolve into movie dates. there’s an entire world between them, but somehow the pair build a bridge.

DEATH RATTLES AND DYING BREATH ; THE GIRL’S OTHER SHOE DROPS

as neve focuses on school, douglas seems to be making steps to keep himself around longer. they go for long walks with robocop around the neighborhood. southeast portland is becoming a different neighborhood and the cost of living is high. restaurants crop up with around the block waits and family friends are forced to move to grayer pastures. it seems, to the channings, that it’s the end of an era. with neve spending most of her time at shane’s apartment on south waterfront, douglas’ weight loss ishardly noticed–everyone assumes it is merely the byproduct of increased activity. it isn’t until his stature becomes gaunt that neve starts to worry.

shane holds neve close when she finally breaks down–sneaking into the single bathroom of the clinic to let her fall apart the way he knows she can’t do in the open. like a wild animal, the girl he loves hides herself away when she feels death’s acrid breath on her neck. he doesn’t know what loss is and he certainly can’t relate to what she’s been through. douglas’ diagnosis is like watching the noose tighten around her mother’s neck all over again. her throat is dry like she’s choking on the fibers of that same rope; the world has a foggy edge—hollow like street lights illuminating an empty suburban neighborhood on a clear, dark night. everything is wooden; everything feels like a dollhouse.

it’s hard to keep up on her studies, but somehow neve muscles through. shane gives up his idyllic apartment and moves into their modest southeast home to help out. he makes a lighthearted joke about finally being a real portlander and moving so near the trendy, revitalized mississippi neighborhood and neve breaks her coffee mug on the unfinished wood floor of the kitchen. it’s just another reminder that he doesn’t belong in her world anymore than she does in his. it doesn’t sting as bad as the ink on his mother’s checks that she cashes to keep her father comfortable on his death bed while she learns to be a better caretaker. life ebbs and flows, but douglas’ drains away until she hardly recognizes the sinewy, pale hands that hold hers so strongly for a man that can’t sit up by himself any longer. she curses her mother once more for leaving and twice for never having been there in the first place.

death isn’t slow or peaceful like the woman from her father’s church will lie about at the funeral. his death rattle lasts for hours and the bellows of his chest quake with weary breath. shane and neve sit at the side of his bed with rapt attention and as his breathing slows, neve crawls into the hospice bed next to him. the next several months are a blur and a father misses his only daughter’s graduation. neve is barely present there herself.

shane insists that she’s not an orphan–his parents fly in from denver and treat her like one of their own. it guilts her that she can’t help but resent them for the simple virtue of living while her own father is reduced to a cold dust. she wears his ashes around her neck in a pendant from the funeral home and spreads the rest in every beautiful place she can find. some of them spill into her purse during a hike with robo and shane and she breaks down in tears. there are so many small things that make her sick or numb. even around the stone family she feels alone. maybe especially around the stones.

LOVE IS A HARD KNIFE ; A GIRL CAN’T STOMACH AMBROSIA

it’s not his fault and she means that from the bottom of her heart. she owes him everything and she can’t help but let the resentment fester in the tasteful diamond on her finger. when she looks upon his face now all she can see is death and it’s the world’s cruelest joke, because she’s the one with cemetery dirt underneath her fingernails. she can’t tell which of the two of them she resents more and they both deserve lives where ghosts stay buried and the dead don’t whisper malcontent in her ears while she struggles to fall asleep. nightmares are her own warm milk.

neve yearns to discover who she is outside of grief and love. a daughter cannot bloom in her parents’ shadows and she is suffocating underneath the gentle love of the mourning glory. she turns in her notice at the ohsu emergency department and signs on for a travel nursing company. the first assignment takes her to salem hospital an hour south and it’s a great department, but it’s too close to home. it doesn’t feel like enough of a difference to start anew and it isn’t until she sees bergan mercy among the selections that she feels she’s found the right place.

the bergan mercy trauma center is still relatively new and neve is the experienced nurse the department needs. there are several nurses who pick up the assignment with the same backgrounds and they’re a welcomed addition to the team. nebraska is no oregon, but it’s not so bad. there are people making love in moonless skies. there are mothers reading bedtime stories to their children. there are people dying everywhere everyday. neve thinks that maybe every place is more or less the same.

AFTER DECEMBER 25th, 2017,

DEATH RIDES A PALE HORSE ; THE AXIOM OF AN APOCALYPSE

the first inklings of the outbreak pique neve’s interest–an amateur virulogist and a woman on the front lines, she turns her watchful eye on the reports. they are an obscurity, an oddity. they are a fun hobby that neve debates with her new coworkers in the bergan mercy er breakroom so that she does not lament the northwest so viscerally. the passing jokes do not end when the mandatory screenings are dropped in shift report. ‘it’s just like ebola all over again’ her colleagues joke. no one takes threats seriously when they’re far away; sometimes the only protection against the weight of the world is levity. the old nurse adage rings true–if you don’t laugh, you might cry.

neve is adjusting to life in a part of the country she had never imagined, but her father spoke of the place well enough. she spreads her ashes in the lovelier parts of the city with robocop in tow. even though she is miles away from home, there is a connection. quiet nights with netflix and a growing mountain of takeout containers are interrupted by a phantom of the pacific northwest–shane comes with an unwelcome grand, romantic gesture. it’s like every movie they’ve ever seen and he means to win over her heart–sure that she’s only needed the time and space to heal. reluctantly she agrees to trial a friendship and he moves into an apartment twenty minutes away. neve is never sure, but she still loves shane enough to wish him a happy ending–the deeper part of her knows it can never be with her.

A GIRL AND HER DOG ; OMAHA BECOMES A WASTELAND

even on the way in there are cracks of normal life leaking through. the juxtaposition is harsh; neve knows the implications and feels her stomach twist at the sight of a naive family on their evening stroll. she wonders how many older adults on blood thinners won’t make it through the night. the lanky black and white husky isn’t meant to be in the hospital–the no pets policy only exempts therapy animals–but no one bats an eye in the chaos. neve is not about to leave her most cherished friend alone in the dark silent apartment while the city of omaha descends into a frenzied nightmare. he’s a good dog–more or less follows commands and keeps close to neve more than ever after mellowing out in his third year.

neve may be a traveler, but it’s still her responsibility to show up when things get rough and she shoots shane a text to meet her there even though she’s sick to death of him trailing her around with puppy dog eyes. she still needs to know that he’s safe. he’s getting better at wearing her down and it’s not that it’s hard to be without him, but that it’s just so easy to fall back into the familiarity of his arms. it was hard enough breaking it off knowing that he was the last man she was with who would ever truly know her father. he never makes it to the hospital and neve is torn between cursing his name and blaming herself for his probable death.

as far as neve can tell most of the people from the hospital are dead or missing. earnest from environmental services hasn’t shown up to work in days and instead his annoying replacement keeps chatting her up while she tries to chart. domina’s regular partner juan says she’s been out with some nasty bug as her helps neve transfer a patient from his gurney to the er stretcher. carla from the cafe who always made her pre-shift americanos checks into the department, looking febrile and sweating until blood and salt stick the hospital gown to her skin. neve checks her in and starts an iv and carla tries to take a bite out of her. neve doesn’t think twice before smacking her head into the wall as the woman jumps up from the bed, iv ripped from her flesh, and postures to attack. the small nurse tastes the familiar coppery taste of anxiety on her tongue and books it back to the education office where she’d set up robocop in to keep him out of the sight of management. the big stuff always happens minutes before day shift gets there, but today day shift never comes.

WOLF AND WOMAN PERSIST ; IN THE FACE OF CLUB AND FANG

neve never intended to lead the group of survivors as if she had more right than any other. she’s never been one for power grabs, but has always been drawn to informal leadership. in the absence of someone else worth following, the girl reluctantly steps up—heart beating harder in her chest at the threat of taking charge than at the threat that looms outside the hospital walls.

no one likes a leader when the hard choices have to be made and neve is not naive to the gravity of her proposal—it’s a response to the unanswered questions that have persisted over the last day. it’s disaster triage at its most heartbreaking and she knows that no one person in the camp can carry the weight of the merciful executioners axe on their own, so she puts it to a vote. neve and the small group of healthcare professionals make their rounds to discern which patients have the potential to recover under their finite resources and which do not.

neve knows that almost half of patients in the icu die within ten years of hospitalization even if they do recover. fifteen percent never make it to begin with. it is that small sample—the people she knows have no chance at a normal life even in the best case scenario—that the hospital camp votes on. the information is then presented to the group. the decision to euthanize is almost unanimous, but like a firing squad no one person assumes the weight alone. no one person except neve channing. it’s the right call, but it’s not the easy call. the survivors grieve in their own ways and a team tasks themselves to dispose of the bodies—those forsaken by both god and man.

the nurse and her dog carve out a life for themselves in the midwestern wasteland. she had never intended herself to take leadership of the group, but after everything they’ve been through as a group she knows that it is she who is looked at to forge their fate in blood and blue nitrile gloves. there is nothing left in this bleak world but survival. it’s survival, if little else, that she can promise the inhabitants of bergan mercy. it’s survival, and nothing more she thinks, that she can promise herself.

CENSUS,

faceclaim ⋯ Adelaide Kane played by ⋯ Buffy

[furiousconnoisseurcomputer-blog]

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"cheap used cars to insure for new drivers 2015

cheap used cars to insure for new drivers 2015

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I'm confused about primary and secondary health insurance?

My daughter is on my policy, where all of the payments come out of a fund set at the beginning of the year, so if it is $1,000 that can be wiped out by one trip to the ER. Also, she ...show more""

""Returned glasses, what about insurance?""

I got glasses from lenscrafters, my insurance company paid $194 and I paid $130 for the glasses. I kept getting headache after using these glasses so I returned them back to Lenscrafters. They paid my $130 but I would like to know what will happen to $194 that my insurance company paid to lenscrafters. When I asked lenscrafters they asked me to inform insurance company to revoke the transaction but I see that my insurance company has already paid them. Please let me know my next steps here.""

CA New Driver Insurance Question?

Hello, I'm 18 and I've had my license for a few months now and I wanna buy a car now(1996 Honda civic ex) and I've gotten quotes and there about $250+ per month and I was wondering if i put my dad as a Co-owner will the insurance way cheaper? P.s. I just want the cheapest insurance no coverage ect.""

""Has anyone ever called AIS (auto insurance), and do they really find the cheapest insurance?""

Has anyone ever called AIS (auto insurance), and do they really find the cheapest insurance?""

Your opinion of my car insurance?

I pay $58 a month for liability on a 93 Explorer. I live in the middle of nowhere and don't drive exceedingly. Just wondering if you think this is an acceptable rate or not. I don't think it's too bad but a friend of mine insists I'm getting ripped off.

Best car insurance company to use?

I am 22 and just traded my 2003 VW beetle for a 2010 honda civic LX (which is being financed). I use 21st Century and they're going to raise my rate by a couple hundred dollars per year. I pay every 6 months. I feel like this is too much. Even though I'm not yet 25, it seems a little excessive. Are there any suggested insurance companies with a more competitive rate? BTW I'm in California if that makes a difference...""

How much would insurance be for a 125cc motorbike in the UK? Just a ball park figure.?

How much would insurance be for a 125cc motorbike in the UK? Just a ball park figure.?

""Which car insurance companies are the cheapest in New York State( queens, new york) in particular?""

I just bought a new car and am hoping to get car insurance and register it. I am curious what the cheapest companies are. I just got a quote from Esurance.com, and am curious if there are other cheaper companies. I am 22 and have a bachelors degree and a job. I want to insure a mazda protege hatchback. Please let me know what your experiences have been.""

If i report my car stolen will the insurance company ask for the keys?

My car was tolen... But i lost the keys to it. Does either the police or the insurance company ask for the keys?

Do I have to have car insurance in wis?

I have a car that is old, ( a VW Fox to be exact) and i was wondering if i need to have car insurance for it? i use the car for nothing more than to drive to work and back, because of the amazing gas milage, but i was woundering if im going to get into trouble if im ever pulled over and dont have insurance. I live in WIS so keep that in mind. Any help would be welcome. thx ahead of time.""

Not paying car insurance?

I have currently had my permit for 13 months and I am 20 years old. My mother inlaw was telling me I could get something called my fleet affidavids license and I wouldn't have to cover insurance on the car i'm driving as long as I have the same last name that is on the insurance. I honestly can't be expected to pay insurance when i'm just now getting my license and had no transportation what so ever to get a job to make money for insurance. Does anybody know anything about fleet affidavids license or have any information that might help me out? I can't afford insurance.

Can my dad by a motorcycle and put it under his insurance for me to drive?

ok im conused about this whole thing i know for a 16 year old motorcycle insurance is crazy. So how would this work my dads been driving all his life(Harley-Davidson) and his insurance is cheap, now for me its gonna be alot of money so can he buy the bike and put it under his name then i just drive it so then it wont be so much $ on me? can this work or is that illegal for me to be driving someone elses bike? is there anyway like i stated above to make my insurance cheaper if this doesnt work?""

How much would a 16 year old boy pay for car insurance?

I am not 16 yet, but I want to get a Chevy Camaro. I live in PA, and am wondering how much car insurance would cost me a year with out wrecks, tickets, etc. I went to chevy.com and built my own Camaro, and it cost me about $25,000 with the specs, and colors I want.""

Can anyone tell me the average price for car insurance?

i would like a very low price range with a website to prove it

Dollar general insurance rates. are we getting screwed?

how much would a manager at dollar general have to pay for comany insurance? 3 children covered, no heath probems. living in missouri i think my fiance is getting screwd by his ex wife and i think he is paying for her on the insurance with the boys. he pays an extra 300 a month suposedly just for the boys insurance. please help!""

Get a 50cc moped help please!!?

m turning 16 next month and have been saving to get a moped. I just need some more info on them first, such as how much will tax mot and insurance cost? What do i need to legally drive it on the road? Where can i NOT drive? Also if anyone knows where i can get a cheap moped or scooter from in the essex area second hand is fine. Im a soon to be 16yr girl in the essex area if that helps. Thanks""

Can I drive my parents car without insurance?

Can I drive my parents car without insurance, the car is insured under my parents name, ( we live at the same address) and also can I drive someone elses car without insurance with his or her permission""

In san diego when you have a driving permit do you have to be part of your parents insurance?

In san diego when you have a driving permit do you have to be part of your parents insurance?

What is the lowst 18 year old male car insurance?

What is the lowest car insurance for an 18 year old male in Alabama? I need info for sports cars and non sports cars.

I need help car insurance?

Im looking to buy a 2010 fusion se right now through Lee auto. For me to do it myself I'd have to pay almost 400 dollars a month for insurance and 360 for The car. Is there any way I can lower my insurance? This is rediculius all I have is 2 speeding tickets and that's it on my driving record. I have no loans no payments or nothing.

Getting car insurance?

hey guys.. i have a question... im getting Gieco car insurance but my mother has the same thing...we both live in the same house but are doing a separate thing...by me getting the same car insurance company with that have any type of affect on hers???please let me know asap..thanks

""Car insurance, help please?""

I'm 18 years old & looking into buying a used 2011 nissan Altima from a dealer soon. My mom will be a cosigner for it & I was wondering if I would be able to insure that car under her name as the primary & me as an additional driver? Insurance rates are just too outrageous & unaffordable for my age & for new cars with full coverage so I'm really hoping that it would be possible for her to insure it since she'll be a cosigner. Thanks for all the help & answers, greatly appreciated!""

cheap used cars to insure for new drivers 2015

cheap used cars to insure for new drivers 2015

2005 Pontiac G6 GT Insurance?

I have a 05 G6 GT. I am an 18 year old male living in kansas and I want to know how much monthly insurance should be? It is a 4 door car.

Insurance on Lotus Elise for 18 or 19 year old?

I want to get a new Lotus Elise when I am 18 or 19, but it really depends how much the insurance will be. I reside on Long Island, NY but when I get the car will be going to school in either Albany, NY or Tallahasse, FL. Some help? Thanks.""

""If i get a speeding ticket, will i receive a notice from insurance?

So i got a speeding ticket in CA. I got the ticket in the mail and payed it and am now going to traffic school so that my insurance wont go up. Will the insurance company send me a notice regarding the ticket even if my rates don't go up?

Is it mandatory to have car insurance in New York State?

Will I get a ticket or get my licensed suspended if I don't have I don't have car insurance?

I need cheap insurance for saxo 1.6 vtr?

ive just passed my test and already had a car which is a citreon saxo 1.6 vtr, ime 26 and getting quotes for 5000. i only paid 600 for the car. does anyone know where i can get cheaper insurance on that car. thnks""

How do i get a cover note for my car instead of insurance for my car?

By that i mean ive heard theres such a thing called a cover note wich acts like insurance documents but the only diffrence being you dont pay insurance for the car and you pay all the costs if you have and accident. Please anyone give any feedback please. Many thanks.

Auto Insurance Is trying to screw me?

My insurance company totaled my 2002 audi a4 after I hit a puddle and hydro locked my engine After investigating and taking over 3 weeks to finally give me a figure they offerd me 12500 including the taxes the Kelly Blue book rates it at 14000 and the Nada Value is 15,700 I dont know what the process is but i dont understand how they can do this and its very frusterating as well as hard being without a car for over a month now the car was in great condition and had low miles for the year any advice???""

Do I need to pay car insurance?

I recently fall behind payment on my car insurance, they said I need to pay the late payment plus the new payment for the new 6 months, how can I work it? I have no cash to cover all of it?""

How much will my insurance pay out ?

My beloved BMW 318i 1992, went up in smoke over the weekend and am just wondering how much the insurance company would pay out, so I can plan ahead what car I could afford to pay. Also how long does a claim take to come through ????""

Which Insurance is better?

I am looking for new car insurance, so I narrowed it down to Geico and Progressive? Anybody have any experience with either of them?""

Question on Auto Insurance?

I live in California. I noticed on my insurance policy that I did not have collsion or comprehensive coverage on my car. I called my insurance company yesterday in the a.m. and told them to add the full coverage. I had an accident last night about 7 hours later. A lady turned left in front of me. Even if I was at fault which I don't think I was, did that updated coverage go into effect when I called the insurance company and told them to add it?""

What is a 6-month premium (car insurance) ?

What is a 6-month premium (car insurance) ? Say it's $200 a month for 6 months. Does that mean after 6 months it will be higher ?

Car insurance on a Mustang gt?

I'm a male, 19, years old going on 20 next month.. I'm wanting to save up for an older model (1999-2003) Mustang gt. I know there are different kinds of auto insurance agencies around but can someone maybe give me a rough estimate of how much i would have to pay each month for my own insurance? I've had no accidents or tickets/ felonies ever since my driver's license have been issued to me.. And i drive about 15 miles to work one way and 20 miles to college one way. Thanks!""

Surgery and insurance?

if my surgery is going to cost me $3,500..and i have a $5,000 dollar deductible on my insurance..then i can't use my insurance can i? =(.. pretty much i have to pay for the surgery..BUTTTT if my surgery was let's say about $7,000.. then that means insurance company would pay $5000 and i would pay the rest of $2000 rightttt???? sorry...i'm just trying to understand this and make sure""

HELP PLEASE! CAR INSURANCE?

OKAY SO I LIVE IN FLORIDA COUNTRY AREA IN HILLSBOROUGH COUNTY AND I WAS WONDERING HOW MUCH WOULD CAR INSURANCE COST ON A 1989 BUICK LESABRE THE INSURANCE WILL BE PUT IN MY AUNTS NAME WHO IS A (SENIOR CITIZEN) AND HAS A CLEAN DRIVING RECORD AND RECEIVES SOCIAL SECURITY. ****ALSO DOES SHE HAVE TO PAY FOR THE INSURANCE AS SOON AS SHE PUTS IT ON THE CAR OR DOES SHE WAIT UNTIL THE NEXT MONTH? HELP PLEASE?

My car has been broken down for some time do I need insurance?

My cars engine blew up in June. I could not find an engine I could afford at the time. I canceled the insurance due to this. I received a letter in the mail wanting proof of insurance for the state of Ohio. I have purchased a engine now but still haven't had anyone install, so the car is not operational. What do I do? Can I show the receipt for proof the the vehicle wasn't operational?""

How long does it take for an auto insurance claim to clear you record?

I currently have USAA and back in Nov 2005 I hit a piece of tire on I-25. The tire ripped out my wheel well cover and took the electrical system with it. I made a claim that came out to 1K including my deductible. When trying to change insurance this claim came up and uppped my 6 month policy by 300 dollars. It is not on my DMV driving record, can I still get the cheaper insurance thru progressive.com? Thanks a bunch.""

What is the best maternity health insurance in Georgia??

I have insurance through my company, in which I pay half.. My deductible is $2500.00 till January then changes to $2000.00... Im already paying my Doctor $900.00 for a Pre-Delivery fee which will come out of my deductible. Then after that is met I will pay 20% of everthing else... Any advice will be great...""

How to get Cheap Car Insurance? This is True...?

Hi, Ive recently be searching on comparison websites to find myself a cheaper quote, I started doing my searches at the start of the Year, Ive noticed that I would have been paying 300 cheaper during December and January time if I was to get insurance in those months and When I did the same search in May and June - Summer period it became 600 more expensive. So give it ago on confused website and see for yourself your insurance will become a lot cheaper if you insure between these months.""

How long can I drive my car with out insurance?

I am buying a used car that isn't from a dealership. How long can I drive the car before needing to buy car insurance?

Emancipated 16 year old car insurance help?

I am currently living with my parents and am soon to be emancipated. I was looking at some geico quotes, turned out for minimal coverage was 475$ per month. This was outragous and obviously way to much for any one to be able to afford. To have the type of coverage i would like was 10,000$ per year, the numbers were staggering. Anyway my question is it possible to get insurance at 16 years old on your own for a resonable price. If so with what car insurance company. I have a 3.0 and a perfect driving record, i do drive a camero z28 so i understand its going to be a little higher than average.... thanks, zach""

How much does insurance for eighteen wheeler in California?

How much does insurance for eighteen wheeler in California?

What would be the best liability car insurance for me?

I just turned 17, I live in Alabama. I have had liability insurance before but i was on my dads. now i want to get my own. but when i had insurance before with State Farm i had to have it turned off. Now i need to know which company with liability would be best for me. I did get one speeding ticket before when i had insurance but that was like 6 or more months ago. Now im in Drivers Ed at school so i should get the insurance discount for that. So what would be the best and cheapest insurance for me. And will there be any fees or anything form me getting it turned off before?""

Can I cancel my motorcycle insurance?

Do I have to have insurance on my motorcycle (in IL) during the winter when I don't even ride it? Can't I just cancel it for the Winter and then start it up again in the Spring?

Anyone know cheap car insurance?

I don't expect someone to know the exact cheapest for my situation because I know it varies but in your opinion & experience what insurance provider do you think would be cheapest? Thank you =D

cheap used cars to insure for new drivers 2015

cheap used cars to insure for new drivers 2015

Can you get insurance on a vehicle if your license is suspend?

Can you get insurance on a vehicle if your license is suspend?

Whats the cheapest car insurance company for a first time driver?

I just got my provisional license, I'm 19 and I'm looking to buy a car. Now with that car I'm also going to need insurance. My parents went to their car insurance company and said that adding me to their insurance would raise their insurance from $500 to 2,000 meaning I wold have to pay $1,500 for my part every 6 months, $3,000 a year! Is there another car insurance company that could be cheaper whether it be just me on the policy or with both my parents? I don't have a car yet because I want to see how much it would be all together. Thanks for your help!""

Car insurance 16 year old living in NC?

I am turing 16 in March and I am looking at buying a car. How much does car insurance cost a month? I don't know which car I'll have. I live in the Charlotte area

How much would the in insurance be on a 1985 CHEVROLET CAMARO Z28?

i just turend 16 and ill get my licenes in about 3 months and i saw a 1985 CHEVROLET CAMARO Z28 the other day that im thinking about buying and i was wondering about how much the ...show more

How much is insurance on a ninja 250?

i am going to buy one in the next few weeks. i have a clean driving record. no tickets. no wrecks. im 22 years old. i live in kentucky. how much is insurance and what company's are best to get a quote from?

Why is barebones insurance for me going to be...?

...$150 a month for a 1985 gmc s15 4x4, valued at approx. $200 with the very basic coverage, liability only type thing. i have a 2002 chevy s10 2wd and its only $350 a month with total coverage. what the heck?! im 18, have a couple traffic violations but nothing serious (22km/h over the limit and an amended stunting ticket), i live on my own, have a steady job, and am looking for something that i can get stuck in the mud and dont give a crap about. any one know where i can go to get really cheap insurance for this? i live in alberta so it limits my choices a little from the world wide options. thanks everybody""

I need Health Insurance Tips?

Hey there, I was hoping to get some input from families in WA State, or anywhere if you want to help me. I just need ideas on where to get affordable health insurance for my family? If anyone has advice for me that would be great. Thank-you!""

How much info does a car insurance company really need to file a successful claim against me?

I bumped into this lady because she actually did a full stop on a green light while getting out of a shopping center. She said it was o.k and that nothing happened and was apologetic saying that a car ran in front of her and that is why she did a dead stop in middle of intersection on a green light. She got my license number but did not call police, did not take pictures and did not get my insurance policy number. Just my name, insurance company I'm with and also drivers license number. She said it was o.k and my info just in case. Thing is when I got back from vacation I got a letter from my insurance saying she put in a claim against when nothing even happened to both of our cars. My question is what can I do? I don't want to pay deductible when it was HER fault. Nothing even really happened. She's pulling insurance fraud......and it really makes me mad that she put in a claim. I did not give her my insurance policy number guess she must of called around the biggest names and got my info somehow. It was her fault but since she did a dead stop in intersection on a green light..... i bumped into her.........but since i bumped into her is this automatically my fault? Or can I get her for pulling a dead stop on a green light? What to do? Deny the whole thing?""

Why is Obamacare called the Affordable Insurance Act if it provides health care?

Why is Obamacare called the Affordable Insurance Act if it provides health care?

Will car towing service affect my future insurance quote?

I had my insurance company tow my car today(roadside assistance), will the towing service increase my future insurance quote? Thanks.""

I need help with Car Insurance... Please!?

I am a 17 year old male in the UK and have just passed my test on september 2012. I cannot get insured anywhere because they are all charging me at least 500 pound a month to be insured on my mams car (Corsa SXI 2002), i cannot afford this... obviously. I have tried almost every car insurance site and i cannot seem to find any cheaper than 500 pound a month! It is very frustrating because i am a very sensible driver. I need some help!!! Is there any cheap cars that i can buy that will make the insurance cheaper? Can you recommend any cheap or used cars that have cheap insurance for young drivers? Can you recommend any good insurance sites for young drivers? Please any help will do!!! Thank you""

Who offers cheapest auto insurance in ontario canada?

Please suggest the cheapest auto insurance company in Ontatio, Canada.""

Can Geico ever higher the payment for monthly?

i've recently been a member of Geico and would like to know if they would ever higher the payment monthly than the usual payment they gave u the first time applied to geico insurance for my car. they just recently sent me with a large bill instead of the usual bill i pay. why was i billed with a large payment when i only have just one car to pay. have u had that issue with Geico?

What will my insurance cost for the new house?

Hi there, Lets say i would like to invest a house in a new subdivision cost $300 000. Located outskirt of Birmingham, AL. The Subdivision/community even built an Elementary School in the community. The community is divided from house prices ranging $150 000 to $500 000. When completed, the community will have 3,000 homes in a variety of distinctive neighborhoods within 5 to 10 years or more from now. How much will the insurance cost? Don't need a specific answer but just an idea how much it would cost average for the insurance etc etc I'm pretty sure certain factors changes each individual owner and the property area but from the basic description of the area, how much do you think? Of course i can always ask the insurer the question but i would like to know the homes owners in the house. Thanks for your input""

What insurance plan should I go with?

I'm a full-time college student and I work part-time. I have no insurance but need to get some soon. What health insurance do you think I should go with that is affordable?

Extra costs covered by car insurance ?

I had to pay 150 to get my car brought home when a car hit me from behind ? Can i reclaim this money through my insurance company ?

What insurances will insure scooters?

I am planning on opening a scooter rental business very soon. I need to know how I can get these scooters insured. How much usually would it cost. Please let me knoe someone.. Thank You

Individual health insurance?

I am currently shopping around for individual health insurance and just wondered if anyone had any helpful info in regards to different companies. Who do you currently have health/dental/vision/life insurance through? I have been looking at Blue Cross Blue Shield but I'm just not sure. I am engaged and will eventually want to add my future spouse, therefore needing a family plan. I know this will vary depending on what type of coverage we want and what we are willing to spend. I do not have a very large budget for all of this but do know it's important. Trying to find the best deal out there for an affordable price. Thanks for any helpful advice! :)""

Average cost of insurance and registration in Utah?

My husband and I are looking into getting two different vehicles and I am just trying to get an estimate on how much its going to cost to register them and how much I may need up front for insurance. I am 24 years old, my husband is 23 and a former truck driver. The two cars are a 1996 grand caravan (red if needed) and a 1980 Chevette (black if needed). I do not know mileage yet for either one.""

""How do I pick a car that's cheap to insure? I'm in NY and need a cute, reliable 4 door '03-'05 car.

I have been driving a little more than a year and can't afford to spend $500+ a month for insurance so I want a car that's insurance friendly. Thanks.

Insurance.?

Does anyone Own a Mustang GT Bullitt and by any chance happen to know how much the insurance usually is?

""Which companies offer insurance for individual items such as laptops, iPods, cell phones, etc?""

I'm looking for US insurance companies that offer this service - i.e. instead of buying home insurance to cover everything, to buy insurance just for individual items.""

Car insurance????

I am looking to get my 1st car in about a month or two and iam worried about my insurance because i am only 18 and I know it will be high so I was wondering if their are certin brands of cars and years that are cheaper on insurance like i know a 2005 Lexus will be more than a 1995 honda! Just a littel help please!!

Motorcycle insurance?

Hello. I live in ontario. I am currently interested in getting a motorcycle and undergoing my m1 then thereafter m2 licencing. I am interested in getting a sport type bike (600-750cc). Either being a YAMAHA or Kawasaki. I am 26 years old. Who would be the best to get the insurance from and what regulations are there towards the insurance for motorcycle drivers? THANKS!

Step parents health insurance?

I was wondering is it possible for my soon to be wife, to put my kids on her health insurance plan from work? The children live with us. We are in california.""

cheap used cars to insure for new drivers 2015

cheap used cars to insure for new drivers 2015

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/trailer-insurance-online-quote-mabel-michaelson/"