#Your little fictional characters are dolls to be played with as you please

[somajean]

I dunno, Ships are fine, 's all fiction. Should be tagged so people can't stumble on it by accident though.

[unreleasedwrites]

I LOVED the gitae fic it was so good😔🙏 We need part two where Maybe he feels pity for us and takes us out to eat or smth, you do the magic im bad at writing lmao 🤧

Thank uuu♡♡♡♡

A Planned Coincidence (pt. 1) (pt. 2)

“Where’s the fun in spoiling it? How about I show you instead?”

summary: You’ve been stuck in the same warehouse you woke up in about three weeks ago, and no matter what plan you would make to escape— it’s no use and you’d only get in trouble. One of the times you did try with Gitae around, he had to clean up after you and the topic of your friends came up and so you begged to meet them. Unfortunately, it didn’t go as planned and you ended up ignoring Gitae for days. Eventually, he decided he’d take you out in hopes you’d finally speak to him.

character(s) included: Gitae Kim x fem!reader

cw: swearing, implied kidnapping, very toxic, same warnings as my first gitae fic (part 1) , yandere gitae, mentions of blood, death, kissing, suggestive, nicknames, cartel mentions, this is FICTIONAL, abuse, mentions of drugs, guns, his axe, implied cannibalism, a bunch of crimes so beware dark and possibly disturbing content

unwrapped on: Tuesday Morning, April 30 2024

wrapped up on: Friday Evening, May 03 2024

published on: Friday Evening, May 03 2024

“You tired of playin’ these stupid fucking games yet, doll?” Gitae said in an agitated tone, as he held your bruised hand and covered it in bandages. Afterwards, he planted a light kiss on top.

You remained dead silent and only looked towards the ground of the warehouse you were trapped in. You accidentally injured yourself in another one of your escape attempts, so here Gitae was, taking "care" of you once again with some condescending mockery.

“Well? Now you��re gonna go and play the quiet game with me, huh?” He said with a slightly more irritated expression on his face.

“Look at me when i’m speaking to you.” He said and he grabbed your chin to meet eye to eye with him, and you could tell he looked angry. He tightened his grip on your already bruised hand, causing you to yelp in pain from how much pressure was applied.

“Gitae.. I-I—, I was wondering if yo—” You were trying to speak when a few rounds of open fire suddenly interrupted you. You flinched and a visibly frightened expression was evident on your face. Gitae saw this and took you into his arms to face him, while on his lap so that he could straddle you and stroke your hair.

“Sorry about the noise, little girl. Just part of my men’s duties, I’ll let them know to keep it down though,” he said in a less irritated tone.

“Back to where we left at earlier.. Why do you keep tryna fucking escape?” He said in a slightly more raised tone.

“To leave..? Isn’t the answer to that question already kind of already a given?” You replied.

“Leave?” He scoffed, “and just where exactly would a little girl like you go? If I can recall, the friends you came to Mexico have gone missing.. And technically, you’re now known as a missing person, just like your four other friends.”

“Gitae, I hate to have to ask but— Did you have anything to do with those disappearances by chance? You’re speaking as though you know all about it and from what I’ve seen in the past few days..”

He cut you off and laughed, “did I? I thought that was already a given from when I took you here, was it not?”

“I think I get it now, I’m next.. Aren’t I?” You replied.

“What? When the hell did I ever hint something even close to that? I was talking about your little friends, they’re alive, but let me just tell you now that they won’t be for very long if you keep continuing this bullshit of trying to leave me.”

“They’re alive—? Where are they?! Can I please, pleaseee see them, pretty pleaseee??” You begged with your usual pouty face.

“It’s hard to say no when you say it like that,” he said as he held your cheeks together with his hand, “if you’re good for the rest of the day, I might consider it. How’s that for a deal, doll?”

“Deal!” You exclaimed and he tapped his cheek with his finger a few times while saying, “but first~?”

You then tried to give him a kiss on the cheek but he swiftly turned his head so that your lips would land on his instead, and it worked. Despite your situation, you turned into a blushing hot mess and Gitae simply laughed at your reaction, thinking “how cute.”

A little fast forward into that same day, the sun was finally setting, so you may finally get to see your friends again. You waited patiently in the warehouse, sat on top of some boxes, reading the books Gitae gave you to pass time while he was out doing who knows what.

Some kind of bell or alarm started to ring and from what you’ve been observing in the past three weeks, that alarm means that it’s around 8 or 9 in the evening, where most of Gitae’s “men” go out to do unspeakable acts that you’ve witnessed at some point.

Usually, This was around the time you’d try escaping the warehouse because everyone was way too busy to watch over you and most of the men there have left the warehouse, getting on some sketchy vehicles with all sorts of equipment, weaponry, and drugs. The remaining people were either asleep or high in the clouds.

But when you start to see the men leave, you’d usually start to see the second batch of men arrive with Gitae. You’ve noticed a pattern where half of the men go out with Gitae during the day and the rest of the men go out during the night and what similarity both batches shared was that they all came back bloody, smelling really odd, and sometimes Gitae would bring you what he calls a souvenir,— human flesh from one of his victims. Anytime Gitae would do that, you just ignored him for the next hour or two, depending on just how much his patience is willing to endure from you being a so called “brat.”

But, it was around 8 in the evening when the bell had rang, and now it’s past midnight. Yet you haven’t seen or heard from Gitae at all.

Reluctantly, you finally resorted to asking the men around to which they only replied with stuff like, “just give him another half hour and he’ll be here. He’s probably just ran into some trouble with a gang fight or somethin like that.”

One of the men was nice enough to give you some paper that you used to make little bookmarks for the various books you had.

Gitae usually takes you to sleep with him in one of the compartments of the warehouse that led to a bedroom, but since he wasn’t here and you had no idea on how to get in there, you fell asleep on the floor beside some boxes.

You woke up the next morning when you overheard a bunch of men who sounded like they were arguing. And weirdly enough, you were on the bed in the hidden compartment of the warehouse, with Gitae fast asleep beside you. His breathing was steady and he looked tired so you decided to just look around and take mental notes of what the room looked like. It was very different from the rest of the warehouse and was pretty cozy. Gitae’s usual leather jacket was hung on a chair nearby and you noticed some of his belongings on the table. One of which, was a gun. It had you thinking if you wanted to risk your entire life, jumping off the bed to get the gun which was on his side of the room, and shoot him blank.

But that was stupid, what about all the men outside? Gitae told you he isn’t a fan of silencers on his personal guns. They’ll definitely rush over thinking that you in fact, did something— because they all know that Gitae wouldn’t dare hurt you to such a foul extent.

So, you scratched that thought and looked at the door, where does that lead? You thought to yourself. Before you could even continue thinking as you were sat up on the bed, you heard Gitae suddenly start speaking in a raspy morning voice, “what are you up to, little girl? Shouldn’t you still be asleep in my arms?” You turned over to see Gitae, with messy morning hair, not in his usual state of a few loose strands with his hair slicked back.

“Nothing, I was jus-” You stopped for a moment when you saw Gitae sit up and reach for his gun, “doll, could you riddle me this,” he said.

You nodded in response and he spoke as he loaded his gun, “did you try to escape in any form and at any time yesterday?”

He looked you dead in the eye while readjusting compartments of his gun, you lost focus and started to stare at his hands fiddling around with the gun to which he suddenly snapped his fingers, “my eyes are up here, what did I tell you yesterday?” His eyes narrowed and you responded with, “to always look you in the eye when you speak..?”

“Correct. Now, answer.” He slowly finished prepping his gun.

“I didn’t, you could ask the men out there for proof of that.” You said.

“I already did, they told me you were finding me last night? Is that true, my pretty doll?” He said as he caressed your face.

“Well, you were taking much longer than expected to arrive.. A-and you did tell me that if I was good for the rest of the day, I’d get to meet my friends..” You said hesitantly.

“Right.. About those little friends of yours,” he spoke as he placed the gun on the table and your eyes widened, “what about them..?”

“Hoho, do you wanna find out for yourself?” He said with a smirk on his face.

“Gitae.. What do you mean..?”

“Where’s the fun in spoiling it? How about I show you instead?”

“Fine then,” you replied.

Gitae stood up from the bed and so did you, it was still about 4 in the morning so it was cold outside of the bedroom, which is why Gitae put his leather jacket on you since you weren’t wearing much.

He unlocked the door with some sort of key that he took from a high shelf you couldn’t reach for yourself. Before he even swung the door open after unlocking it, he took a blindfold and placed it on you first, something that typically happens whenever you guys were going to leave the bedroom. From there he just carries you to the main open area of the warehouse to which he then takes the blindfold off once you’ve arrived around the usual boxes you stay at.

“So.. Where are they??” You asked visibly confused, tilting your head to the side as you looked up at Gitae.

“Silly girl, they aren’t here.. They’re at some other location we’ll be driving to,” he replied as he looked at one of the men who usually drove you and Gitae around. To which that man immediately left, starting up one of the cars that were outside.

“Awh, but it’s so early.. It doesn’t even look like it’s 5 in the morning, why would you suggest we go now..?” You pouted as you looked at Gitae, because of how sleepy you were he had to hold you with one of his hands to keep you from falling.

“Don’t worry, sleeping beauty— It’s a few hours to get to where they’re at, so you could just sleep on me in the meantime.” He replied as he carrier you once again and took you to the car.

He positioned you on his lap to face him and you settled your head in the crook of his neck, slowly drifting away. He gave you kisses on the top of your head and stroked your hair while you gently caressed his shoulders. You fell asleep easily and stayed in the same position.

Eventually, the car parked at some hidden area which appeared to be in a secluded part of a forest. You were still asleep when you guys arrived so Gitae started pressing kisses all over you. You started feeling ticklish from all of it and woke up.

Not even sure how you guys got here because you didn’t see a road to drive on but you didn’t question it.

“Good morning doll~ We’ve arrived, would you like to finally meet your little friends?” Gitae asked you, who was still sleepy and had woken up from a good dream, still not processing anything.

You simply nodded and clung onto Gitae’s shirtless body because you were too tired to even try getting up and walking.

Gitae carried you with ease and walked towards what appeared to be a pretty run down building, but what it specifically looked like was a blur to you because of how out of it you still were at the time.

An awful stench was evident from the exact moment you were in the building. A loud screech coming from a girl was heard all throughout the large building, echoing amongst the floors. The voice sounded a little too familiar, almost as if it were one of your friends producing a vile screech, a desperate scream for urgent help. The echo suddenly came to a stop without repeating the rest of the noise. Gitae tried to assure you that was someone else but it was no use, you were in an environment you’ve never been in before, hearing all sorts of things. You were terrified and started to both panic and cry, while you were still in Gitae’s arms. He started to get irritated with how your current state was, he even threatened to hit you if you didn’t stop screaming and crying, trying to get away from him. You ran off into some other part of the large building, hiding from him. At first, he was annoyed but decided to play your little game of hide and seek. But, couldn’t find you and so he started to punch different walls, some of which collapsed in an attempt to find you easier and to get you out.

He couldn’t take it anymore and pulled out his axe, he said that you had exactly 5 seconds to reveal yourself or this wouldn’t end well.

“This is a stupid fucking game, Y/N. 5,” he started his countdown, “4,” and you knew better than to disobey, so hesitantly “3,” you started to leave your hiding spot to reveal yourself, “2,” before he could even reach 1, you were on your knees behind him, sobbing.

“Gi-Gitae, please..” You sniffled, “I already have gotten a good idea of what you did with them, so please.. I don’t need to see it for myself.”

He scoffed, “after you just ran and hid from me? Yeah, I don’t fucking think so.” He grabbed you by your hair harshly and dragged you to the basement floor. And that’s where you saw another nightmare right in front of you, from the scene of the group of men who attacked you, to your own closest friends, all dead.

Except one of them, she was your closest friend in the entire group and she was completely unharmed. But had to closely witness all that was done to the other girls. She was tied up with chains and from what you know, her voice was the noise you heard earlier.

Which had you wondering, why did her screaming suddenly stop? But instead of focusing on that, you looked over to Gitae who has never looked so angry before. His grip on your hair was only becoming tighter as you tried pleading with him.

You were terrified to know that in any second, Gitae could literally crush your skull with his bare hands if he wanted to, but he didn’t. Gitae suddenly let go of the grasp he had on your hair and looked down on you, “I’m letting you know in advance that what happens next is thanks to you being such a brat.” He then struck his axe at your friend, multiple agonizing times while the one man that was there forced you to watch, holding you at gunpoint and purposely turning your head in the direction of both Gitae and your friend.

Gitae looked back at you after he struck your friend with his axe so many times that she’s no longer recognizable, you were a sobbing, pitiful, and distressed mess. You were screaming at him, begging him to stop, all the while trying to break free from the man’s harsh grip on you but it was no use and you couldn’t do anything at all.

I won’t go into too many details but it was extremely gruesome and gut wrenching. By the time Gitae finally decided he was finished, he threw the axe at your direction, purposely missing by just an inch to slightly scar your neck (since you were moving around a lot, it just barely scraped the side of your neck).

You yelped, Gitae then took a part of her flesh, and bit it— but unlike the last time, he ate this entirely and licked his fingers clean. He then spoke out “clean this place up, (insert name of man who was holding you).” To which the guy nodded and finally let go of you, you fell immediately to the ground and continued sobbing, you were twitching at this point from how terrified you were.

Gitae then looked over to you, he’s seen you upset but he’s never seen you this upset before. He looked back at the girl he had just mauled and at the other girls that were laying dead on the floor. That’s weird, he was starting to feel— bad for you?

Gitae spoke with someone on the phone and after, he carried you to the car. You never stopped sobbing and you were trembling as Gitae had you on his lap, facing his blood scattered face and body. He was trying his best to comfort you but you were ignoring him. Eventually, the car started to move and you knew this was gonna be a long ride, but you just kept on sniffing while your head was nestled in between the crook of his neck. He took the hint that you really weren’t gonna talk to him at all, so he stroked your hair with his unstained hand while you silently sobbed, clinging onto him so tightly that it left marks on his body. He also bandaged up the tiny scar you got coming from his axe.

A few days had passed and you still hadn’t spoken to Gitae no matter how many times he tried or how much he threatened you.

He was fed up, but he had an idea that might just work. He decided he’d take you out for dinner at one of the places that had gambling addicts so no staff would care. He hadn’t told you all about his plan yet but he had some guy book a reservation and he went out to buy you a little gift. You didn’t know of any of this because you couldn’t understand Spanish so you were just reading books in the corner.

He went out to buy you some clothes that he was badly hoping you’d like. He bought you more sleepwear and a cute outfit that you could wear on your little date with him. He bought some more things you mentioned you like, like some more books he knows nothing about.

He arrived back at the warehouse at around 5:30 in the evening and asked you to come with him, he blindfolded you and brought you to a bathroom. It was much nicer than the usual bathroom and you were assuming that this was another compartment of the warehouse.

He told you to shower, and you nodded in response. But, he was just standing at the doorway, staring at you. So you just stood there.

“Well?” He rose a brow, “I thought you wanted a shower, what are you doing just standing there?”

You gulped and finally spoke for the first time in days, “d-do you really.. have to watch..?”

He looked you up and down, “either I watch or join you, take your pick.” You remained silent, you didn’t want either of that.

He scoffed and put the blindfold on you once again, you could hear him fiddling with his belt and clothes rustling. After, he started to undress you as well, disposing of your clothes in the trash.

He turned on the running water in the bathtub and while it filled, he was doing some things but you couldn’t see so you had no idea. He took you into his arms and the next thing you felt was pure water, you haven’t showered in a while so this was a bliss. He took your blindfold off and to your surprise, you were on top of him in the bathtub. He gently sunk you into the water, and laid you on his figure, showering your hair with water.

He then applied different products on your hair and massaged your scalp. after he finished washing your hair and body, he started fondling around with your body.

“Your skin is so soft, doll,” he said as he played with your boobs. You lightly moaned from what he was doing and he smirked, “you like that, don’t you?” You subconsciously bucked your hips in response which caused him to twitch down there. You could feel his dick on you and he started aggressively kissing you. Things escalated and you ended up having to take a second bath.

“Doll~, I forgot to mention it because you riled me up so much earlier that I lost the chance to— butt, we’re going out tonight and I bought you some clothes.” Gitae said as he took out some unfamiliar clothes from the shelf and started to dress you while he was still in a towel.

After you were fully dressed, he smiled at you and commented, “you look adorable, just like a doll.”

Afterwards, he got dressed and was finally wearing something other than just jeans. He was wearing black pants and a formal shirt. You thought he looked handsome in his outfit so you commented, “you look handsome, Gitae,” you giggled. He chuckled and planted light kisses on the top of your head.

You guys then went out and arrived at some nice and flashy building. It was weird at first, you couldn’t possibly fathom why he would do this. Either way, you just went it.

“Well?” Gitae suddenly spoke as you were sat across from him, in a nice restaurant.

“Thank you,” you replied as you looked around the secluded spot you guys were sat at.

Gitae sighed, “still not happy?” He frowned.

You simply looked at him, pouting. To which he pouted back at you mockingly.

The food eventually arrived and Gitae wanted you to try some of his rare practically live ass steak, so he fed you some of it with his fork. You made a dissatisfied face and he laughed at your reaction. He loves the way you react to absolutely anything, he finds it adorably irresistible.

“Thank you,” you said as you were about halfway done with your meal.

“I don’t care for words, you silly little girl. How about you just show me your appreciation after dinner?” He said with a smirk.

You didn’t take the hint and so you asked, “how?”

He laughed at your response, “I’ll give you a better idea once we’re in the car, and once were back in bed, you continue wherever we left off in the car.” Your eyes narrowed until you finally understood what he meant to which you looked at him with a pout while you were chewing your food.

“What kinds of food do you like?” Gitae suddenly asked as he looked at your food then at you.

You shrugged, “I’m not really picky, but I do have my preferences and dislikes.. For instance, that steak you’re eating or any sort of steak.”

He looked at his food, “it’s delicious, how could you not like it?”

“We have wayyyy different diets, I’ve seen you eat raw meats of all sorts you bastard.”

“Awh, how am I bastard?” He pouted, but deep inside he was amused and enjoying this.

“Because of your question about food! I suddenly had a flashback about my friend, whom you took a bite of!” You said, somewhat sarcastically because you know how moody Gitae is and you didn’t want him to get angry at you again.

He just laughed, “I remember that, she tasted alright too, I should’ve had seconds.” You rolled your eyes and he was only more amused and said, “but because of your whining and puffy eyes, I had no choice but to leave as soon as I finished the job. Such a pity.”

“Hey, would it kill you to have some remorse?” You said as you picked up some meat with your fork and lifted it up to his mouth.

“I don’t really like this, but it seems like something you’d like.” You said as he was chewing what you just gave him. He would never admit it, but you feeding him made him feel something.

“It tastes good, I thought you said you weren’t a picky eater?”

“I’m not,” you said as you grabbed more of that meat on your fork and fed a bunch of it to him. He was genuinely so happy inside and his amusement turned into butterflies because for once, you weren’t scared of him and he for some reason, cared about that pretty badly.

Your guys’ dinner date went on like normal, exchanging words and actually getting to know each other.

Eventually you felt the need to use the restroom so you mustered up the courage to ask permission to go.

“Gitae,” he turned his gaze over to you and mumbled in response.

“Could I use the women’s room, please?”

Gitae looked around, “I’m trusting you don’t need me to make sure that no stupid attempts of leaving will happen?” He asked sternly.

“Yes, I promise.”

“Fine then, go ahead but don’t take too long.” You nodded in response and excused yourself from the table.

And just as you said, you did go to the women’s room. And just as you promised, you came back right after. While you were making your way back to the table, you saw that Gitae was approached by two guys who he seemed to have known from somewhere.

You got back to the table and the two men that Gitae was talking to looked over to you. They looked to have been working in the casino area of the building.

One of them turned back to Gitae and said, “I see now why a guy like you is brought to a place like this. I’m guessing she’s your girlfriend, right?” You all looked at Gitae who replied with a smile, “yes, she is.”

“Damn, you’re one lucky guy. She’s gorgeous from top to bottom!” One of the guys exclaimed as he placed his hand on your shoulder, rubbing it intensely. Gitae stared at his hand then at him.

How dare he lay his hand on something I own? He’ll pay for even daring to look at what clearly isn’t his. Gitae thought to himself.

“Well, we’ve gotta get going now.. But you two enjoy your night, especially the pretty lady over here,” one of the guys said as he stroked your hair and then proceeded to walk away.

You turned over to Gitae who looked like his veins were popping out of his skull and his aura seemed to have changed. He then looked back at you and smiled, “don’t mind them, I’ll make sure to deal with them some other time. But not tonight, tonight’s supposed to be our night.” He tried to keep his composure.

“Right.. Who were they anyway? And must they be so touchy..?”

“They’re friends with some of the people I know, but they won’t be for long.” He said as he took the final bite of his food and placed his fork down.

It’s safe to say that those two were never seen again, and the police didn’t even open an investigation about the disappearances when it happened. Soon, the news about those two guys went cold and if anything, any trace or information of them was wiped out entirely.

notes: I did more than the request and added way more before the actual dinner date because im gonna be busy in the next few weeks so idk when I can post again, and because i have a bunch of Gitae requests, I thought I might as well and this is long asf, also i’ve got another gitae fic in progress 😭😭

- With or without proper credits, please don't try to steal or claim any of my works as your own

I genuinely appreciate opinions, feedback, likes, and reblogs

Once again, I hope this isn't too bad for a request, and l'Il be doing more characters in lookism so feel free to request!!

[stvckwithaphobia]

— ROOMMATE. [han jisung] 🗝

content/warning. han jisung x female reader — roommates — perv jisung — rough sex — unprotected penetrative sex (don’t do this) — smut/pwp — dom/sub dynamics — kinda innocence kink and hints of free use — slight dumbification — reader gets called doll, good girl, slut and whore

word count. 0.7k

note. so deeply sorry I was so inactive again… but thank you for all the support nonetheless. my life has been a little rough lately, but I hope this time I will be back for real ❣️

important. minors do not interact, this is 18+ content — none of the characters are supposed to imitate real people, any coincidences with names and places are just for the sake of fiction — if you enjoy this content pls consider leaving a comment or reblogging this!

—

He feels horrible. Captured inside a moral dilemma all over again.

That’s what it’s been like these past weeks—due to your insomnia, your roommate allows you to sleep in his bed with him. Jisung knows it’s easier for you this way, having someone to protect you from nightmares.

The act of yours is so incredibly innocent—completely opposite to Jisung’s thoughts running on his mind.

But, luckily, tonight everything changes when he hears you moan his name so softly in your sleep. Well. Jisung thinks you are asleep but in reality you are just trying to get a reaction out of him.

And, oh god, once he realises you have been playing with him, it’s as if a switch flips inside him—bringing out his most evil desires.

You don’t know how many hours it’s been. Your brain is foggy from the sensation of your roommate’s thick cock pounding into your wetness. He’s filling you so deliciously, the bulge pretty much visible in the position he has captured you.

His hand is seizing around your throat. He adds just enough pressure as you enjoy while you are busy trying to not completely lose your mind yet. But with the way he is staring at you—dark gaze of those deep brown eyes fixated on your fucked out face and that mischevious smirk provoking you even more—it’s nearly impossible to stay sane for any longer.

“I knew it,” he lets out between thrusts. “You pretend to be all innocent, baby, just for me to snap and take you as I please, hm?”

Oh, how much you do. You’d allow him anything at this point—toss you around with his strong arms, manhandle you in a position he knows is best for you. After all, Jisung hasn’t been super aware of the tiny details about your sexual interests for nothing. That pervy bastard made sure to keep track of all your likings.

Checking your search history on adult content, reading some chapters of those steamy romance books on your shelf and sometimes hearing your soft voice spilling from your lips when you brought some male guest over—just for him to listen to it and cum in his own fist.

But now he’s finally got you under his spell. Absolutely helpless underneath him—as you allow him to rail you into oblivion. Your thighs or more so your whole body will for sure be sore tomorrow.

“Tell me, how does it feel having your tight cunt stuffed with my cock, my pretty little slut?”

“S-so g-good, Sungi… so g-good,” you giggle. By now you are more than far gone, allowing your roommate to take care of your body in the most sensual way possible.

You’ve lost count how many times he has brought you to that sweet relief tonight. Jisung seems to grow liking in overstimulating you, slowly manipulating your brain to only reach your nth orgasm with his permission. Of course, by demanding you to always either keep your eyes on his or call out his name or both.

But it feels so good, so overwhelming—the way your own juices are spilling out of you, right before he rams his length into your aching hole again. Deeper. Faster. 

“I knew it all along, doll. You’re just a needy whore for my cock, patiently waiting for me to fuck you as I like, hm?”

You let out a muffled babble then, followed by a high pitched moan and something Jisung makes out to be a combination of ‘more’, ‘harder’ and some syllables that sound like his name.

“Please– need all of your–“

He knows exactly what you need. And Jisung is willing to give you all of it—but for now he is not done with teasing you yet. Not after all the teasing you have been putting him in throughout this night and even before.

The little flirtatious jokes you’ve been making, the wandering around in your tightest shorts in the apartment in order to get a reaction out of him—the both of you are more similar than expected, the potential of being a little pervy for each other there from the beginning.

“Yeah, keep begging like this for me, doll, and maybe I’ll fill you with my cum. But prove to me first that you’re a good girl. You get that?”

You are definitely in for a long night and desperately wish this isn’t a one time thing—Jisung is undoubtedly ruining you for anyone else…

—

© stvckwithaphobia 2022 — don’t copy, translate or edit my work

[runariya]

Sneak Peek: My Beloved Villain • Chapter 1

pairing: hero!Jungkook x villain!female reader genre: dark romance, gore, villain!AU, hero!AU, slow burn rating: MDNI, 18+ warnings: slightly jealous JK summary: You had thought it would be another evening like it always was. But years later, your only aim is revenge. Nothing can stop you until their blood is dripping from your hands.

a/n: This work is purely fictional. All characters and events are entirely imaginary and do not reflect reality. Content errors related to med school are not excluded. Please do not use this story as your own. No translations are allowed without permission. Thank you for understanding! 💕

prologue • masterlist • 01

“Huh?” you ask, glancing around the group, feeling a little disoriented but Jennie’s raised eyebrow brings you fully back to the moment.

“I asked if you and Tae are dating or what? You live together, and now this,” Jennie says, gesturing to where Taehyung is still snuggled against your thigh, his laughter finally subsiding into quiet giggles as your fingers still absentmindedly play with his hair.

You snort, amused by the absurdity of the question. Before you can answer, Taehyung starts laughing again, the sound bubbling up like a toy doll—the kind that never seems to run out of laughter, perhaps something like a Laughing Elmo, the comparison would definitely fit perfectly. The ridiculousness of it all hits you, and you can’t help but join in, your laughter mixing with his in a joyful belting that rings through the air.

When the laughter finally dies down, you wipe the tears from your eyes, still grinning as you look back at Jennie and Jungkook. Jennie’s expression is a mix of irritation and curiosity, a reaction that doesn’t surprise you. She’s never hidden her infatuation with Taehyung, a sentiment she’s held since your freshman year. But what does surprise you is the similar look on Jungkook’s face—something close to annoyance that gives you pause. You clear your throat awkwardly, trying to stifle the last remnants of giggles that threaten to escape.

“We’re cousins, Jen,” you say, the words slipping out between breaths as you attempt to regain your composure.

The surprise on Jennie’s face is immediate, her mouth dropping open slightly, while Jungkook’s expression softens into one of mild disbelief. Yoongi, who’s been silent all this time, glances your way with a knowing smirk, his eyes glittering with amusement. Hoseok, Taehyung, and you can’t help but start laughing again, the absurdity of the situation too much to keep in.

“Oh…” is all Jennie manages to say, a flush of pink rising to her cheeks in embarrassment. “I didn’t know.”

You shrug, still smiling as you reply, “No one really does. It doesn’t matter much, does it?”

Jungkook’s eyes meet yours once more, a subtle smile playing on his lips, his eyes shining with something that looks like relief. You don’t quite understand why the relief is so evident in his gaze, but it has a calming effect on you as well. You send him a small smile in return, a silent exchange that’s broken only when Yoongi groans and begins to rise from the grass, his movements slow and letargic, like an old man who has trouble moving with age.

“We’ve got class, kids. Get up,” Yoongi announces, his voice dry as he stretches, his joints cracking loudly in the otherwise quiet air.

prologue • masterlist • READ FULL CH. 1 HERE

a/n 2: I'm sooo thrilled to share this story with you! please lmk your thoughts and if you would like to be added to the taglist 💕

All Rights Reserved © @/runariya 2024

taglist: @darkeneddiary, @dumbheadblog, @jksusawife

[darlingpeasant]

Since this is still an ongoing problem, heres a firm reminder that actors are not your fucking playthings. They are not dolls that you get to dress up and act out the little scenarios from your head with. They are not the characters they play. Yes, maybe sometimes they share some qualities, but they are still separate from each other. They are real people with their own lives that if they are happy to share/not share glimpses of it with us, then that’s their decision. And if you don’t like that or that they are their own person who are simply just trying to live the way they want like the rest of us? Then you really gotta just reflect on how insane and disrespectful that is.

If you wanna be unhinged about fictional characters then good, great, fab, there’s no problem with that. But for the love of god please be fucking normal about the actors that play them. You are not entitled to harass/bully/comment on what they do with their lives when you don’t even know them.

[kwanisms]

Kinkuary 24 Joshua — role play // office sex

➥ CEO!Reader x secretary!Joshua (role play)

summary: Y/N & Joshua have decided to implement role play in their bedroom activities and what better use of their home office than to play out a CEO and secretary fantasy? wc: 1.5k warnings: afab reader, adult dialogue, established relationship, sexual content (minors dni!): oral (f receiving), hair pulling, rough sex, desk sex, role play, office sex, use of pet names (sugar, doll, baby, etc), mild degradation, Shua is a cocky bastard and the reader tries to keep control. I think I got all the warnings, but if I missed any, please let me know! Permanent taglist: @yoonguurt @candidupped @dejavernon Kinkuary full taglist: @baldi-2 @wonderfulshinee @lacie220900 @sup-dallyboy @drunk-on-dk @violagoth @mixling-blog @kosmoreads @yourfavoritefreakyhan Seventeen taglist: @aikisbbq @niktwazny303 @indigo35 @moonlightsora @witherednotes @cixrosie @hoeforcheol @yeosayang @katsukis1wife Strikethrough means I cannot tag you. MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. Taglist is closed!

a/n: I don’t have many notes about this one but I’m tagging yoonguurt to torture her. I hope you enjoy this part! Thank you for reading and as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only. banner made by me. I do not allow reposts or translations of my works. All my works are ©️ kwanisms.

════════════════════════════════

“Mr. Hong, could you come in here for a moment?” You called, looking down at the papers on your desk. A moment later, Joshua poked his head into the room. “Yes, Ms. Y/L/N?” He asked, smiling when you looked up.

You waved your hand, beckoning him in and telling him to shut the door behind him. Joshua shut the door and moved to stand in front of your desk as you set the folder you’d been looking through on top of the desk.

“Did you cancel my meetings, like I asked?” You asked, leaning back against your chair, fixing your eyes on the man before you. He nodded silently, keeping his hands behind his back. “Words please, Mr. Hong,” you said suddenly.

“Oh, right. Sorry. Yes ma’am,” he answered, clearing his throat and waiting for your next move. He still didn’t seem to understand the rules. You’d have to remind him.

What looked like a typical CEO-secretary relationship was actually one of many role plays you like to share with your boyfriend after discovering you both had an interest in it.

The CEO role was usually reserved for Joshua but he conceded to let you try out the dominant role for once, exercise some power control over him, something he rarely let go of. Joshua didn’t relinquish control often.

Deciding to change tactics, you sighed and got to your feet. “I’ve told you,” you started as you walked around to stand in front of the desk, leaning against it. “You can call me Y/N.”

Joshua merely smiled politely at you. “That seems a little informal, ma’am,” he answered, emphasizing the last word. ‘He agrees to relinquish control but he’s gonna act like a brat?’

Joshua eyed you carefully, taking in your body language. It wasn’t in your repertoire to take control, even when you were on top, Joshua was still in control. It was fun for him to see how you tried to keep what little power he let you have.

Yes, let you have. Joshua could take control back in the blink of an eye but only because he knew you too well. He knew if he pushed this brat role a little, he’d frustrate you to the point of letting him have control back.

Or so he thought.

“You seem pretty uptight,” you commented. “Like you can't relax around me.”

Joshua shrugged his shoulders. “I suppose it comes with the job,” he answered. “Keeping things professional,” he added as you stood up and walked towards where he stood.

“Oh, I think you just have a stick up your ass,” you quipped, making his brow arch. “Oh?” He asked, fighting a smirk. “Do you think about my ass a lot, ma'am?”

You rolled your eyes. Suddenly you grabbed him by the tie. “Do you have a smart remark for everything I say?” You asked, dragging him back towards your desk. You must have caught him off guard because he stumbled momentarily before regaining his footing but only just before you pushed him down into your chair.

“Well this is unexpected,” Joshua said as he looked around. “Am I the boss now?” He joked. You rolled your eyes yet again and moved to stand in front of him, resting your ass on the desk.

“Have you ever slept with your bosses before?” You asked bluntly.

Joshua snorted. “Can’t say I have,” he answered. “They’re mostly old men. Not exactly my type.” Your eyebrow raised, a small smirk pulling across your face.

“And what about me?” You asked, leaning forward slightly. Joshua fought the smirk that tried to form. “You certainly aren’t an old man,” he answered. “I meant am I your type?”

Joshua studied you for a minute before answering.

“Nope.” You could have smacked him upside the head for that.

You sighed, scooting back onto the desk, placing your feet on the armrests of the chair, letting him catch sight of your naked form under your skirt. But only for a moment. “And now?” You asked, noticing how his gaze lingered.

Finally he looked up to meet your gaze. “I should report you to HR immediately,” he answered. “This is surely against the company’s code of conduct,” he continued.

You leaned back, resting your palms against the cool wood of the desk. “But you won’t report me, will you?” You asked, smirking as he shook his head. “And why not?” You pressed. You wanted him to give in and stop playing around.

“Because I don’t know where the HR department is here.”

You were getting frustrated but you knew this is what he wanted. He wanted you to get frustrated and to give control back to him. You weren’t an idiot.

“You and those smartass remarks,” you said, reaching forward to grab his tie. “Yes ma’am, I'm told they’re my best quality,” he answered. You shook your head. “I think your best quality is when you shut up and do as you're told,” you said softly.

“But I—”

You cut him off quickly. “I can think of three better uses of that mouth of yours. Wanna know what they are?”

That seemed to shut him up. He nodded, looking up at you with curious eyes.

You leaned back again, showing off your soaked center. “One,” you said softly, moving your hand to grab his hair firmly and guiding his face between your thighs.

Joshua’s hand grabbed your hips as he dove in, tongue ravishing and exploring your cunt, teasing your clit and suckling on the sensitive nub. You let out a moan, leaning back onto your elbows.

Each flick of his tongue over your clit had your body shuddering as your fingers slowly combed through his hair. “That’s much better,” you sighed. “No smart remarks now.”

Joshua tried to pull back but your grip on his hair tightened. “I didn’t say you could stop,” you hissed. Joshua froze and you could almost see the cogs in his brain working as he tried to fight against his urge to take control.

Finally, he relaxed and dove right back in, tongue dipping down to tease your entrance. “Good boy,” you purred. Your thighs shook as Joshua groaned against your pussy. “Keep calling me that and we’re gonna have problems,” he said, glancing up at you.

You narrowed your eyes, urging his mouth back where you wanted it.

“I’ll call you whatever I want,” you retorted. “You aren’t the one in charge here”

The moment the words left your lips, you knew you’d made a mistake.

Joshua pulled from your grasp, getting to his feet as he towered over your form on the desk. “We’ll just see about that, won’t we?” He asked, pupils blown and your essence smeared across his lips and chin.

“Joshua,” you started, trying to remain in control but your boyfriend clearly had enough of your game.

“No,” he said, grabbing your arm and pulling you off the desk. “It’s not Joshua,” he added, turning you roughly and bending you over the desk, pushing your skirt up to your waist as he undid his pants, pulling his hardened cock free from its cloth prison and rubbing the tip against your folds.

“Then what do I call you?” You asked, cheek pressed against the hard wood of the desk. You felt the tip of his cock barely push past your labia. “Sir,” he answered.

“You can call me ‘sir.’”

Without warning, Joshua slammed into you, making you scream at the sudden intrusion. “I’ll teach you to tease and play with me, you little slut,” he grunted, his hips setting a brutally fast and merciless pace, pounding into you from behind.

“S-slow, Joshua!” You whimpered, brain melting at the speed and force of his thrusts that you forgot to use the correct term. “I mean s-sir!” Your backpedaling didn’t work and of course Joshua heard you.

He gave you a particularly sharp thrust, your thighs hitting the desk at the sheer force. “Nice try, doll,” Joshua retorted. “I heard that.”

You were no stranger to rough sex when it came to Joshua and you always welcomed it. He didn’t lose control like that often, normally keeping his composure but every great once in a while, he just really needed to fuck you. And hard.

This was one of those times.

Your orgasm, which had been building slowly as he ate you out, came barreling down, crashing into you as Joshua continued to fuck you through it. Whether he was punishing you or chasing his own high you’d never know.

His thrusts were always well timed, hips never faltering and you didn’t know how he did it, keeping his composure right until the very end.

As you came down from your high, Joshua continued his onslaught, cock pistoning in and out of your wet cunt, your cum coating his shaft.

“Look at that, sugar,” he said with a scoff. “I’ve barely fucked you and you’ve already cum all over my cock.” A whimper left your lips as you felt one of his hands leave your waist, moving up to grab a fist full of your hair.

The sting of your scalp had tears forming in the corners of your eyes as your boyfriend leaned over to whisper in your ear.

“Hng—! J-sir! Please, it’s too much!” You could feel your second climax building, tension swelling in your belly like a balloon as Joshua refused to relent. You heard a dark chuckle emanate from your boyfriend before he whispered.

“Too much? Aww, baby... I’m just getting started.”

[delicatelystrangepolice]

The thing is - fandom is the space to have fun with your friends. It is absolutely that. It's a community of people who love something and want to share the love.

It becomes much less fun however when there are people who want to police others on how to have fun. It becomes completely tedious when there are many of them.

Even smaller fandoms like Young Royals need to be understanding that not everybody is going to agree with you. Yes, even if the majority of people do. Yes, even if the Canon TM said so. Even if the creator also screamed about it.

No, it doesn't say anything about someone's morals.

Never heard of 'fuck the canon'? You must be new!

It's not that people 'don't get it.' They get it, believe me. They get it and they reject it. That's the nature of coming to your own conclusions.

And yes, there needs to be space for everybody in fandom. The other option is to fight against every notion you don't agree with - and that just creates a toxic environment.

(Sometimes I marvel at how Young Royals wanted to speak against that and maybe in the process did more harm than good when people can't voice their feelings without being afraid of being yelled at and belittled... It's truly fascinating how that works.)

How do we create that space? Oh, it's so very easy. You don't engage. It's so easy to let people say whatever they want. Can we please stop pretending that having the Right Opinion on this little piece of media is changing the world? It's not. It just takes away the fun from people who - like you - came here only to play with their dolls.

Because you know what? Fictional characters are only that. I know - they mean a lot to me as well. But they are not real and they cannot be hurt by someone saying whatever they wished happened to them.

You know who can get hurt though? Real people who are here. Behind every icon and every post is a real person. Try to think about that once in a while.

Also, be angry at the right people. It's not me - and nobody else in the fandom - who tortured Simon and Wille for three seasons straight. Try to think about that as well.

[taekeofyourclothes]

you like jazz? (for)

pairing romantic bf!v x reader conspectus in his arms with smooth tunes in the club as if it was just the two of you... how romantic is he. word count 1.3k notes this is a work of fiction but feel free to relish in the delusion lmao, look out for grammatical errors and possibly confusing structuring of sentences - my english is still fair so please go easy on me lol. please don't distribute my writings without my consent dearests!! feedback and criticisms are welcome and read well <3

it was late at night and you were dressed up, you had your makeup done and your hair up - why? well reasoned by the invitation taehyung sent earlier asking you to accompany him to someplace undisclosed and requested verbatim "get dolled up, beautiful." you brought the little purse your boyfriend had gifted you during your first monthsary as a loving couple and you placed in your wallet, your small fix-up kit, and then your phone; though you had to bring it back out after receiving a notification coming from.. you guessed it.

honey, i'm outside ;)

the little wink made you chuckle slightly before you placed your phone back in the small purse, you rushed to your apartment door turning the knob open and finally meeting his gorgeous face again, he was standing legs crossed with one hand in the pocket of his dress pants and the other holding his phone until you opened the door then he tilt his head up to you almost immediately burying his phone in his other pocket; laying all his attention on you - having his face shift from a blank expression into one that was delighted to see the love of their life. "where are you taking me, tae?" you'd ask him delicately whilst you close the door behind you, to which he snaked his arm around your waist with a smug look on his face then replying with an ambiguous "you'll see."

the two of you walk down side by side to the lobby then exit your apartment building as he leads you to the parking lot where he had his suv patiently waiting, taehyung's arm sadly had to leave your waist to have his hand hold the door open for you.. damn his gentleman character, but it was fine; after you had settled in the front seat of his elegant vehicle he paced to the drivers seat and started the ride quick. having no idea or clue where he'd be taking you though with no intentions of prying in respect of the element of surprise the two of you enjoy, you simply relax and wait for the destination's plans to come to you and not you come to it. his hands turned the radio on having it play some blues that set the mood just right before holding your hands over the beverage holder with the two of you simultaneously humming to the song that was playing with you admiring his side view similarly to the way you always do no matter which view you would look at as he drove into the night knowing he was yours and he'd call you "mine." also that you'd be happy to go wherever he'd go as he would be with you.

it felt almost eternal this trip though you didn't mind, but the drive slowly reached it's finish as taehyung steadily parks the car. he stopped the music and stationed his car, the two of you letting go again as he exits the vehicle and ran over to your side to open the door slightly separating you both with his hand out for you that you glady accept and hand in hand again he brings you to the entrance of this bar that had some lively music playing inside that was yearning to be heard outside, he pushes the door open for you with a playful "m'lady" having you giggle, the sweet noise tugging at his heartstrings... after entering the establishment you realize that "is this a date, taehyung?" you query him with a knowing brow raised, "however did you figure it out, y/nie" he sarcastically answered forming a smile on his face then suddenly composing himself to be serious then asks you simply "what do you think?" you look around to see aged couples happily dancing together, one or two couples your age fine dining with love in their eyes, and musicians playing your favorite melodies with such grace and talent, you look back at your boyfriend who was intently waiting for an answer; whom was chewing his bottom lip with anticipation. "i love it, tae." you respond with a smile - your free hand brushing the hair behind his head proudly, giving him chills.

after coming back from his high of feeling like a great boyfriend, taehyung brings you to a vacant table and holds out your seat waiting for you to sit down and proper settle to officially begin this date. as you both comfortably lounge in your seats across each other he hands you a small box wrapped by a cute ribbon of your favorite color, you're feeling slightly emotional by his sweetness telling him "you didn't have to, babe..." tearing up slightly already as you open up the box and find a gorgeous silver ring - you look up to him with surprise and "are you sure about this?" in your eyes meeting his filled with longing and hope.. "y/nie, you know how i love you." you did, in this relationship you had for almost a year you knew all too well. "in this nearly a year time we've been together, it feels as though i've known you forever." the music slowly transitioned to something slow and more intimate. "i don't wanna rush you, this ring i'm giving you is a promise. it's a promise that someday when we're ready i'll marry you and be with you for this life and the next and the following and all times." you're tearing up already, you'd just been 10 minutes inside this place and you're already crying how adorable he thought. he moves near you, both his hands hold your face brushing your tears away with his thumbs. "my y/nie it's okay, it's okay. i'm here, i'll always be." his hand brushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear as he holds yours to wear his promise ring - you both rushed to passionately embrace each other.

the moment ends rather leisurely, it probably would've lasted evermore if the waiter hadn't coughed to get your attention and hand in two fancy wine glasses and one bottle of merlot in the house. you both thanked the hardworking attendant and then enjoyed the red beverage to celebrate the beauteous romance you shared, cheers after cheers the two of you talked of what the future will be like, exchanged cheesy lovey-dovey flirty lines such as "are you a time traveler? because i can't imagine a future without you in it." said taehyung with the most ridiculous yet attractive smolder that brings flynn riders' to shame.

"are you my anxiety? because you make my heart race ;)" you ironically shamelessly say to his face making him laugh, the sound boosting your serotonin then he says after picking himself up from falling even more for you, "ahem.. you like jazz, m'lady?" how smooth of him you thought, you watch as he stands up and side steps while snapping to the lively jazz playing in the background; holding his hand out again for you to join him join the rest of the dancing couples which you would be hysterical to decline - you both closely sway to the rhythm intimately having his arms around your waist and your hands around his shoulders. "move closer y/nie, you smell fantastic." inviting you to eliminate the space with your foreheads touching and your noses bumping and your lips mere inches apart. the music was slow jazz and dreamy, you close your eyes living in the moment.. you've never felt happier. kim taehyung, made you the happiest and you whether you knew made him much happier. he raises his head slightly to kiss your nose that lasted a few seconds, and he returned to the prior position your faces were in and you both swayed to the music, your souls getting lost in the melodious sounds and intertwining as one, with the promise of forever embedded in your love as the two of you slow dance in the night.

© live laugh love kim taehyung, good boy.

[evilyn-is-gay]

Anyone want some cute/funny ass headcanons in my TSAMS Reality (reality shifting)?

Cuz here you go

Dazzle:

- I play with them and Jack, we’re like a legion of chaotic children (I keep them in check)

- We sometimes snuggle

- They taught me how to do a turnsie!

- They like pets (like on their head)

- They love it when I draw them (we have little drawing sessions, they have a really charming chibi style that a child would use)

- Sometimes steals my Therian tail and runs around with it

- I keep all the drawings they give me

Sun:

- Pansexual but is so fucking oblivious (EXAMPLE: Sun: Oh he has a neat design. Moon: … why are your fans whirring louder- Sun: What do you mean? Moon: It’s obvious you’re attra- Sun: Dramatic gasp and the whirring gets louder as his face heats up WHAAT??? NOOOO)

- Sits in the closet in his room to be covered in plushies when he needs to calm down

- Big squishy and plushie collection (Lets everyone borrow)

Moon:

- Aro/ace but MIGHT like men a little

- Bro listens to music to cope (me too bro 😔)

- Hyper fixated on science (and has since he discovered it while conjoined with Sun in the first year)

- Has a huge collection of fidget toys

- Sometimes he’s trying to explain something but he says it in his head or just says gibberish thinking we understand

- Has fictional ‘crushes’ but it’s just like ‘yo he’s hot I think’ and Sun goes ‘… what’

- Whenever he’s mad he walks into his room (or any room with a pillow/blanket) and screams into it and just comes back out like nothing happened (If he didn’t he would actually explode and start to stim aggressively) (EDIT: I love that this is canon now)

- Did actually enjoy having a tail as a furry but would never say it aloud

- Listens to that one song that used to play for intros to sleep

- His pupils get bigger when he’s excited like a cat (same with the opposite)

Lunar:

- His hyperfixation on bean bags is fading away and he desperately needs a new one (I want to get him to read fanfic)

- His hyperfixations over time are: Bean bags, plushies, LOL dolls, Trolls, Stars, Astrology, creepy pasta, cooking, art, phobias, Baldi’s basics, slime, and ASMR

- Listens to ASMR videos as he charges

- Forgets that not everyone is an animatronic sometimes and says things to kids that don’t make sense

- Will infodump about the weirdest shit (Last night i dreamed i was a bottle of ketchup ass shit)

- Steals my clothes and wears them around the house when he washes his (he just wears my sweaters and those donut pants I have)

- Even when he isn’t washing his clothes he sometimes wears my huge purple sweater thing

- His favorite types of ASMR are wood soups, slimes, and ones that ask questions like an interview

Earth:

- When in distress she floofs up her hair too much and it sticks out weird

- Has HUGE plushies she snuggles

- Has a habit of sticking her face into things that look soft

- loves stardew valley, Animal Crossing, and those Roblox games that are really aesthetically pleasing

- Mental disorders are her special interest/hyper fixation and she spouts it to me

- Her Roblox character is stunning and looks beautiful, she worked on it for a while

- Plays along with ASMR Roleplays

- Tingle immune 😔

- Talks to a Monty plushie when she’s upset, another coping mechanism she picked up

Solar:

- Doesn’t understand some pop culture references due to being isolated by his Moon

- Finds this universe Monty as a significant upgrade to his

- Draws himself as a human

- Amazing at art like holy shit (style is sorta like all the thumbnail artists mixed together)

- Has Aphantasia (BECAUSE I DO AND I NEED REP)

- This has happened → Moon: Hey Solar, have you seen Candice? | Solar: … Who’s Candice..? | Sun: MOON NO. | Moon: CANDICE DI- (Solar slapped him in the face afterwards)

Bloodmoon:

- has been high (I will not elaborate)

Castor:

- “Lunar, what’s a ‘skibidi rizz’?” *COMPLETELY DEADPAN AND MONOTONE*

There’s other characters but these are fun/cute ones 😭😭😭

I know these aren’t canon (a lot of the stuff in general in these aren’t canon and have been debunked) but I don’t care and they’re still part of this so fuck you

[galaxygolfergirl]

I'm kind of worried about you guys

Recently I've been revisiting the Frozen franchise after taking somewhat of a sabbatical from it for the longest time, rewatching the movies and shorts, and I am currently going through the Frozen 2 documentary. This was mainly for nostalgia, but I wanted to try and understand the franchise from a more critical, technical perspective, and I've come to some insights that I think are worth sharing.

I already voiced my opinions on the frozen fandom in another post, especially in regards to helsa, but since I've been revisiting the old stomping grounds and reading recent posts, it's been concerning to me the level of emotional distress people were having over the treatment of Hans's character.

Now, from what I've gathered from the "text" itself (the movies and shorts, and the frozen heart novel), and from the documentary, I don't really get the sense that the writers and producers at Walt Disney animation have this vendetta against a single character. I don't think it's that deep. Despite the fact that our corner of the fandom believes that the character of Hans has potential, I can assume that the creative team doesn't really consider him to be anything more than a typical Disney villain.

Now I can't really say anything about the potential "hints" at his future redemption or a possible relationship with Elsa, but from what I understand what goes into the creative process during production, I don't think there is a guiding decree that declares that all Disney merchandising material have these hints. Most likely it is an accumulation of random chance and personal decisions down the production pipeline that have nothing to do with orders from the chain of command.

As much as it was exciting to me to read into stuff like this when I was younger, like the Hans and Elsa dolls getting paired together, for example, I think the logic still stands that currently his character is meant to be perceived negatively. And I don't think that's meant as a personal slight against our side of the fandom, that's just what the text says and what the general audience currently accepts.

I don't know if the creative team or Jennifer Lee has seen all of our posts or discussions, I don't know how they personally feel, but as a writer and an artist I feel that the vocal angry callout posts, fandom infighting, and actual petitions to get people fired over how a story should be written, ones that they might have seen, are especially harmful to the creative process. It's not up to fans how a story should be written, and as much as fans may not agree with certain creative decisions, it is ultimately up to the creators themselves whether they take that input or not.

Like I've said, PLEASE DON'T TAKE THIS STUFF SO SERIOUSLY! It's two PG animated musicals that are marketed to little girls! There's a frozen-themed waffle maker! Canon doesn't mean shit! You can play with these ideas and adapt them through other means! Just because it doesn't have the Disney logo slapped on it or has professional CGI animation doesn't mean that your fan fiction or fan art is any less valid or cheapened. And listen, I understand having these feelings; I was disappointed when Hans wasn't in Frozen 2, I was disappointed about how the movie ended, or that Helsa probably wasn't going to become a thing, but eventually I grew to understand that that wasn't up to me. We are not entitled to make the creators do what we want.

We have to have a sense of emotional maturity and media literacy here, not just for this little microcosm of fandom, but for investing in all media in general. There is so much more that goes into the creative production pipeline. It takes a team full of people, hundreds, thousands, that make stories like this work. Scouring the internet for story crumbs and hints and theories is only going to frustrate you more and taking that frustration out on the creative team online isn't going to make your case or help anything. If anything, you're only coming across as kind of intimidating and aggressive, and creators don't really react well to that.

Now listen: I am not trying to police how anyone reacts to a piece of media, I'm not trying to come across as somebody on any sort of moral high ground. I only encourage those who have been disappointed and frustrated to put things into a larger perspective. This is a Disney animated film series marketed at little girls. If they want to bring his character back, that would be great! If they don't, who needs 'em? Please just enjoy what you are able to do with these characters and this story. You certainly don't need validation from the house of mouse.

[colourstreakgryffin]

Real Life! Iguro Obanai- Mistakes and Fantasies

Thanks to and all credit goes to @mynameisloulou! Please do enjoy this!

Believe it or not, you were chilling with the one and only Iguro Obanai as he excitedly gawked at the television. Obanai had coming flying out out of your phone at a late hour on one lone night only two months ago, alerting you in shock as you hid your rather revealed frame, only covered by thin pyjamas. The Serpent Hashira is a fictional character, you screamed at yourself as you rubbed your eyes frantically to shake off the sleep in belief you were dreaming or hallucinating whilst Obanai sat up, shaking off the shakiness and looking around in confusion

He pointed his katana at you when he first saw you. He looked like a mix of reality and fiction, his hair and eyes matched his animated counterpart but they appeared more real, like a picture of him was thrown into a realism AI program. The bandages a bit scruffy and slightly stained, Kaburamaru was so scaly yet weirdly smooth and clean, as the older man attempted to get words out

It felt like only yesterday when he came flinging out of your phone as you lifted your eyes off the silky page, feeling his head resting on your lap whilst he played your Nintendo Switch on your TV with the joycons. You were skimming through your KNY manga, waiting for him to finish up his online race. Obanai has loved every single thing you’ve taken him to and showed him, when he wasn’t out and having fun with you, he was on the couch grinding Mario Kart like a cute little geek

It was his favourite whilst the screen cut to the victory chart. Like some video-game legend, he was first place and his character of choice danced in celebration whilst the leaderboard popped up. He was about to select continue and join another lobby when he noticed the strange black foot on the front of your book and it intrigued him

“Dokusha. Whatcha reading?” Obanai hummed as you lifted up the manga, patting his hair. “Nothing, how did the race go?” You tried to avert his attention off the manga, you didn’t think he’d notice you until a few more hours with how invested he gets in the game. “What are you reading?” Obanai asked again, he is a stubborn one and he wanted to know everything you were interested in as Kaburamaru curled around your shoulders, his snowy white head laid in the nape of your neck

“U-um. A manga” You chirp a bit nervous, making Obanai sit up and lay his actually chiselled but covered chin on your shoulder to peak over. He liked all the manga you have shown him so his curiosity was peaked. You tried to hide the contents but failed, his mismatched eyes widened in shock and fear at what he saw. Him, bleeding and blinded by claw marks, using Coil Choke on a white-haired Muzan, cutting off his limbs and weird tentacle things

His head flung up almost instantly and he wrestled the manga out of your hands without a word, Kaburamaru circling over his arm from your shoulders to see himself. Rather he be shorter than you, he is much stronger physically and his strength overwhelmed you. Flipping page past page until he reached the end, his fingers quivered in disbelief at each drawing he laid his eyes upon. Him severely injured, Tomioka injured, Shinazugawa injured, Himejima dying, Mitsuri on the floor limbless and dying, Tanjiro being thrown around like a doll so he wouldn’t be touched. He couldn’t believe it

He’s… destined to die? Why are you reading this? With him so close by? Are you liking seeing him and his friends die? He did see you smiling whilst flicking past pages. You were, you enjoyed this. He kicked away the joycons and glared laser beams at you, making your body jolt in fear. He has learnt the truth and you have truly messed up, you knew he’d be outraged or maybe even upset but you’d didn’t suspect what he did next

Your heart yelped as Obanai threw the manga book right at you, his hands shaking as the bump caused a dribble of blood drip down your face. He genuinely liked you a lot, you welcomed him into your interesting life with open arms, you worked hard to let him eat and sleep comfortably, no demons to take care of or worry about. You showed him day after day a great experience with this world’s amazing technology. Only to find out you’re a lying bitch

“…Why...Why? You want me to suffer...? Why do you and you sick people want to see us suffer?! We go through shit to survive, while you sit on your ass and watch us shedding blood and tears!” Obanai barks wholeheartedly, referring to what he saw and what he has gathered, his gorgeous heterochromatic eyes glassing over. He looked ready to cry as his anger and sadness flooded him, how could you be into this? Into his pain. You seemed so loving and caring, you even bought a cage for Kaburamaru

“Ob-Obanai..This is not what it looks like! I-I know that it's tragic and twisted but-“

“No! There’s no buts! You fucking enjoy seeing us die! You enjoy watching us suffer for amusement! We die every fucking day, feel the pain of a thousand, healed, just to be put back into that state again!” Obanai growled, his disgust towards the detailed colourful cover art of Muzan he saw fuelled his rage, his disgust, his heartbreak towards the betrayal. You knew that he was dead meat before he even arrived, and you still tried to pretend that you didn’t have this stupid book ordered because you love seeing him lose his life

“You claim that you love me with all those stupid material figures and pictures of me, but you smile over seeing me and Mitsuri bleed! You heartless wench! You, your people and whoever wrote this is worse than Muzan!” He pointed at the discarded, now creased book lying neglected on the floor face-up as it was laid on the page, like another cartoon miracle came to life, of the zoom-in on Obanai’s saddening injuries on his face with Kaburamaru slithering into frame.

“You made me suffer! My home! My mouth! You did all that to me, so you can entertain yourself! How did I feel love for you?!” You felt tears pouring down your face, recognising that he felt ‘love’ for you as Obanai continued, his rage very obviously spilling out of him as it couldn’t be contained. Since he knew you knew what was truly underneath those bandages, he just pulled them down with zero care. The scars looked so much more grotesque in real life, like somebody poured acid on him as tears bubbled in his eyes

“L-look! I’m sorry-“ Once again, he interrupted you without hearing you out at all, shoving your half-fill mug of coffee off the glass coffee table and making a small but significant mess on the carpet, his free hand clutching the cute dark denim jacket he wore, in which you bought for him. These stupid human clothes, these stupid human ways. He needs to go back to the Hashira so he can try save Mitsuri from her doom

“You're not fucking sorry! You're sick! Twisted! All the other bullshit you people say to get your words in! Making me form to your disgusting desires! Why- Why....I thought I could trust you... Why did you bring me here…?”

“I didn’t… you came to me”

“I wish I never did. You’ve been lying and manipulating me the entire time I’ve been becoming a lazy slob like you. Were you trying to make me forget Mitsuri and stay with you, so I can be your little Obi-baby!” He mocked the way you and your equally Obanai-crazy best friend talked about him in your private discussions. Since you trusted him truthfully, he was allowed to use your phone anytime he wanted and one time, he noticed a message from her as you cooked and he decided to read it. He wouldn’t have denied, you and her made him feel like some bachelor with how much you two admired him

He sobbed out loud, his heart broken in pieces and fell onto the couch cushion underneath him. “Do you enjoy seeing this, Myōji? These hideous scars. It’s so amusing to you, isn’t it?” You were about to speak when Obanai sat up from the couch, picking up his katana and walking through the hallway as his hands tore off the buttons on the denim effortlessly. He is changing into his uniform and running away, he has no idea where he’ll go but he needs to get away from you, one of his many tormentors

He wouldn’t let you try trick him as he heard you rush after him, your hands went to wipe the blood of your cheek and temple. He wouldn’t let you get close as he swung his katana at your direction in one smooth sweep, slicing a cut over your breasts and making your now bleeding skin visible. Obanai honestly almost forgot how to use his katana with how little he fought, he had never rose his katana against any criminal he chased but he kept himself still as fit as he always is since he went to the gym everyday, linked to your side

Your sobbed and hiccuped as Obanai glared daggers through you as he kept speaking, his silky deep voice cracking with how much pain he was feeling. It was worse than any injury he was going to get from Muzan eventually. “You’re not sorry. Stop pretending you are” You tried your best to argue back, too afraid to try touch him but still pushing on, you need to convince him his developed point of view is wrong. You don’t want him to suffer at all

“Obanai. I didn’t—“

“Shut up! Your pathetic little tricks won’t work on me anymore! So stop trying!”

Okay. You were done with his interruptions as you stomped up to him and slapped his cheek as hard as you could. “You shut the fuck up for one fucking second, Obanai and listen to me!” You growled back, speaking before he could process the slap so you could finally beating him to the punch for once. “I don’t love you because I’m entertained by your death. I cried, I cried a lot. I was smiling because I could feel the love you and Mitsuri have as I worked to get to it! I love you because you’re amazing”

Continuing on your rant, you could go on and on about why Obanai is your favourite and how much happiness you felt to see him actually stand before you, but you couldn’t at this very moment, you needed to calm him down. “Incredible. A hero, giving his life for the human race. Brave, dedicated, loyal, never stopping despite all his injuries. You’re beautiful in all ways, and your death makes my heart shatter. If it was my choice, I’d save you! But I didn’t write Kimetsu No Yaiba! I didn’t decide your fate!”

Obanai glared hatefully, he didn’t want to believe anything you said. It could be just flattery and manipulation to keep him purring on your lap but he decided to dance around the possibility, mustering out a rather sharp response, it felt like his words could cut you down to size on their own

“Who did then…”

“Koyoharu Gotouge did! Do I seriously seem like somebody who’d hurt you? I’ve been looking after you. Taking out loans from my family so we could have fun together. Amusement parks, the theatre, shopping, park trailing, bowling! You hate me now, after all the fun we had together?!” You cry out, overwhelmed by your sadness and his heartsmashing words, trying your best to convince him to think otherwise, you didn’t want him to hate you. You suspected Obanai would be cruel, harsh to you constantly like he always is to others, but he seemed polite with the way he asked you about everything, listened to you

He didn’t respond, his expression screamed malice and hate as his beautiful mismatched eyes darkened. His cheek now bright red with the hand mark of your palm branded on the actually soft skin

Obanai strolled with zero noise following him, into your room and swiped every single figure of him you owned from the hidden compartment of your bed, making you flinch in concern at how he found out where you hid those figures. “You love me, huh? Getting all these stupid toys of me to worship or some shit” He barked, suddenly pulling out a box of matches from his pocket. He must have picked it up from your kitchen drawer when he walked away, just before you caught up with him

“You love me. Yeah, right. I’m nothing but a ‘waifu’ for you and a source of entertainment for you to spill your twisted love into. You don’t love me for me, you love me because I’m just fodder, the one who sacrifices his life and limb to save Tanjiro” Obanai spoke viciously as he held a non-lit match over the pile of plastic him laid on your bed as you were about to chime in, to try to stop him before he once again beat you

“Tell me, what’s more important to you? Your money or me?” You hesitated for a few seconds. Each figure he was threatening to lite ablaze costed you hundreds if you bundled them all together yet, Obanai’s real, very own presence in your life was worth millions as you gently smiled, sniffing occasionally from crying with your broken heart weighing heavy

“You, of course” You tried to speak calmly and lovingly, hoping he’d be convinced but your efforts were truly in vain as he was no longer able to trust you, like he use to. “You’re lying” Obanai responds instantly, dropping the non-lit match into the pile as a empty threat and walking past you as you panicked, controlling yourself when you realised no flames had emitted

“Stupid. Stupid real humans” Obanai mumbled, suddenly throwing full-strength your most expensive figure of him, performing a form of Serpent Breathing, as far from him as possible. He must have picked it up as he walked away. You swung around, grabbing his shoulders to try stop him but he was too fast, smashing the figure into pieces when it made contact with the wall, and huffing in anger at your silent distraught reaction

“Does that hurt? There goes your money and there goes any chance I’d ever love you” He shoves you back by knocking you onto your bed with a back-push, his almost pale eyes glared at you as his heartbreak and anger couldn’t disappear, no matter how much he vented, barked and broke stuff. Your eyes hurt so much from crying, as much as your heart did. He then picked up your phone and held it up to his face, his completely visible face

Everything you said before struck a cord in him and he knew you were 100% right, you are not a threat but he can’t forgive you for viewing him as a another fictional character that you use for your pleasure needs, for reading his death right in front of him. He had so much fun in this world, buying new clothes, trying new foods and drinks, seeing how far technology has advanced, playfully throwing you over the couch for beating him in Mario Kart

He did love you, he was feeling his love for Mitsuri fade away, all the more time he spent with you. Going to your job and helping out as much as he could, the only money he had for the months he had been living with you is thank you payments for when he tackled the thieves he came across. He found each day such a treat and at one point, he didn’t want to go back to his original life. The only thing tying him to his realm was Mitsuri and that vision of the love of his life was being replaced by you. Well… That use to be the case but not anymore

Now. He actually wants to return to where he truly belongs and properly this time unlike when he said he wanted go on his first days here, he needs to go back to his realm. The realm of fiction, so he can just live out the rest of his short life until he dies, knowing you’ll be laughing and loving his torment as he take his last breath with Mitsuri in his arms. His broken heart dug and hid away into his subconscious as Kaburamaru slithered around a bit, glaring at you with the same hate Obanai was

He doesn’t belong here, not with you. He is fantasy, you are reality. You two were never suppose to meet or connect, let alone fall in love. It was never meant to be, he isn’t a human, he is a piece of art and he wasn’t suppose to know the truth of his existence. He was such a fool for thinking he could change into a real person like you when he can never be real

“Send me back to my world now or you’ll lose another figurine”

[misscammiedawn]

Penlight Spoiler Reviews (Sayori Part 2)

Download Penlight (Pay what you like) from Itch.io here

Past reviews: Quick Review - Nozomi Routes - Sayori (Part 1)

Turq's reviews: Hiroko Robot - Hiroko Tickling - Nozomi Zombie

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So... last time we met with Sayori and turned her into a Doll.

This time we're going to discuss the impact of Personality Play on a person and outright give Sayori dissociative identity disorder. As a person diagnosed with DID and a victim of personality play abuse I have a lot to talk about on this topic. I hope you don't mind me being a little over-indulgent.

CW: The Alter route will discuss topics of IRL hypnotic abuse and the long-term effects of personality play on a person's psyche as well as perspectives of how DID presents in my personal experience. I put the reality segments in italics to help people skip over them.

ALTER ROUTE:

Note that the name I refer to the Alter by in this review is the name I gave her. It is not even remotely canon. Aiko, Megumi and Yuri are the default names given by the game. Please do not take the naming convention I used to reflect DeMille's authorial intent. I use it mostly to match the screenshots and give some more pump to a narrative twist.

The first half of the review contains some seeds of discussion topics that I want to grow out so I highly recommend reading that one.

This route is my biggest hypnotic trauma being played out in visual novel format. I'll sprinkle my thoughts on the reality within the fiction. I'll put the reality pieces in italics if you want to skip them.

So if the Doll Route is based on the concept of boundaries and respecting someone's comfort then the Alter route answers the age old question of "What if your hypnotist were hit by a bus" that is to say, what are the impacts of going about your life with dangerous and permanent programming still in your head?

I suppose another theme would be one I vibe with intently. "Be careful who you entrust your mind with"

Sayori asked "what's the worst that could happen?" at the start of his hypnosis scene. Sayori, always so careful to think about things before committing takes her time with the doll suggestion. What if she didn't advocate for herself and set up firm barriers?

"What's the worst that could happen?"

Alter Route is a winding map of many paths and much of it is still yet to be written. The route begins with Sayori being asked to adopt a carefree persona who hates to study (and has a crush on Kyou). He also specifies that this persona will have no idea that Sayori even exists.

You, the player, are given a prompt to provide her a name.

I called her Sapphire. First playthrough and so shall again for this review. I picked that name with intent. I'm still not 100% sure it was a good idea, but I did.

Is it because of the alliteration? The blue hair? My referring to my hypnotic eyes as having a "sapphire flame"?

I said that this route was my biggest hypnotic trauma being played out on the screen?

In 2003 a dumb 19 year old met a man online named AW. AW saw that teenager's mind was fertile ground for character play. He planted a couple of alters in that kids head but none were as beloved nor as important as his little recruitment doll. His "slave" (oh how I have grown to hate that word) who he trained to bring him pretty girls...

The name I feel comfortable with in this current era of my life is Dawn. I prefer people call me Dawn when I am in this headspace, though I don't mind being called Camden and can tolerate being called Cammie when it is said by someone affectionate of us as an individual. But I am fractured. Diagnosed with DID in 2023. I type about it every now and again.

He called me Sapphire.

It was the name of a roleplay character... I even have Sue-Chan art commissioned of her. I have another piece at my bedside desk and have had it much of my adult life.

I have done a lot of thinking on if my DID is a result of this extensive play or if my DID simply made my mind more susceptible to it. The question is moot for the most part but I have found comfort in believing that there were elements of our heart which we were unaware of at a young age...

And AW reached in and found those elements within us. He found the part of us that was unburdened by sexual or gender repression and was able to personify our hypnosis obsession in a way we simply could not otherwise. He saw it. He identified it. Named it... Then dared to claim ownership of it.

In the game, Sayori takes to the suggestion swimmingly. She embodies the traits of this alter personality. She becames [Sapphire]. Giggling and acting shy around her beloved Kyou, she demands a tour of the house and Kyou becomes increasingly concerned that this act is going a little too far and you are given your first option.

For simplicity's sake I'll divide the path into 3 distinct branches (I made up the names for clarity as they do not have names on the official route tree):

Golden Ending - In which Sayori is woken up in Kyou's room and is so freaked out by the lack of memories between going into trance and waking up that much like Doll Route she refuses to let Kyou hypnotize her until she feels confident of the safety. In this route [Sapphire] does not come out ever again.

Day Lost - In which Kyou does not wake Sayori up and lets [Sapphire] go home and spend a night at home and isn't woken up until the next day at school. In this route Sayori's trust is broken enough that she seeks Nozomi's help, not Kyou's in saving her from this situation.

Week Lost - In which Kyou does not wake Sayori up and instead he decides outright to program [Sapphire] to be the dominant persona and avoid detection from the outside world.

For the Golden Ending there are a number of prompts during Sapphire's (let's drop the bracket gimmick and just call her that, it's better than saying Alter Sayori over and over) brief stint where you are given the option of bringing Sayori back and after she is justifiably upset about waking up mid-conversation in a different room you are given an option to summon Sapphire again.

I like that the chaotic nature of the initial encounter allows a number of options to go between what essentially are the options of "let Sayori exit Kyou's room" or "let Sapphire exit Kyou's room", especially as Kyou himself is making a decent number of assumptions about Sayori and her willingness to go along with the suggestion.

Kyou is a very big believer in the idea that a person's willingness to obey a suggestion is equivalent to a person's consent to the suggestion. This is because Kyou is a dumb kid and he is playing with fire.

If he does not try to force Sayori to calm down by imposing the carefree persona upon her she will accuse Kyou of projecting his infatuation of Nozomi onto her and become frustrated that he would dare override her core traits with such dangerous programming.

She notes that hypnosis shouldn't make her act the way she clearly was acting and admits this requires further study after cram school. She insists Kyou dedicate himself to further study on the topic too.

His study, which to his credit he does commit to, comes up empty. He believes Sayori is in denial that part of her yearns to be carefree and act as Sapphire had.

Sayori does her own research and...

Sayori is best girl.

She admits herself foolish for going along with it but is committed to the science of understanding what is happening to her. As a test she tries to resist Kyou's sleep suggestion but when she put her head on the pillow she was compelled to sleep deeply. She could not stop it. No matter how hard she tried.

She recognizes that the best hypnotists in the world could not do as Kyou has done.

Kyou gets defensive and starts a fight which escalates. At present you only have the option to apologize but there is a greyed out option for future in which you can bring Sapphire back.

I'm interested in seeing that path in the future.

After the pair talk it through Sayori thinks to involve Nozomi as a third party consultant. She wants to see if Kyou's hypnosis is as powerful on anyone or if it is just her and she knows Nozomi will instantly agree to this.

Sayori is a bad friend. In Doll route she refused to allow Nozomi to interfere with the hypnosis but in this route she weaponizes her knowledge of Nozomi's hypnosis fetish in order to have someone to test on. Even the safest penlight hypnosis has the potential for danger and it's hard to reconcile her involving Nozomi, even in a route where Kyou has proven himself not a shithead.

After school they test the penlight on Nozomi.

and it confirms in Sayori's mind the hypothesis that the penlight is odd and makes hypnosis act in ways it shouldn't. She even notes that the CIA have been trying to do what Kyou has managed for decades and a random high school kid accidentally stumbles on it.

Sayori really hates how Kyou just bumbles into success when she has to fight so hard to scrape by.

Now in the Nozomi route I mentioned that the timelines are pretty rigid for Sayori and to a lesser extent Hiroko. Sayori has cram school every day except for Sunday (which is a day taken by Hiroko's tennis tournament) and much of the Doll route requires maneuvering around study club, an optional obligation, and cram school which is necessary or she will be contacted by her father.

The other Alter routes will involve consequences for Sayori's grip on her responsibilities relaxing a little. Here she is still trying to be everything she should be while dealing with this extra stress.

That all said, she rushes out of the scene when Kyou finished the simple down and up with Nozomi. She has to go to cram school. She vanishes so fast that Nozomi is left sitting at the table running her fingers along the table and processing the fact that a fantasy from her mind control stories just came true and it's all suddenly over.

So Nozomi, with an opportunity to make her fantasies come true, tries to convince Kyou that it would help Sayori out to do more tests. She insists that it is in Kyou's best interest and she promises that if Sayori is upset then she will take full responsibility. She gives Kyou as many outs as possible to tempt him.

You have to deny her twice.

If you accept then there's a rough draft of an unfinished path but it also provides the most Sleepyhead moment in the game.

I swear to heaven Sleepyhead is going to cosplay Nozomi Akemi at a hypnosis convention one of these days...

Turning her down is one of the most mature moments Kyou has in any route.

His crush has just begged him to do the thing this entire affair was for and he turns her down.

I'm proud of you Kyou. You're a good boy. Also Nozo truly cannot be trusted around hypnosis.

You're a lovely girl, Nozomi, but you're insatisable. We all love you for it. But you cannot be trusted.

Look back to the Doll Route and the thing with the culture festival application. Sayori ruins her relationship with Nozomi because he couldn't trust her around the promise of hypnosis or Kyou with the temptation of working with Nozomi.

It's interesting when we get to see these dramatic irony stings.

The next day Sayori turns up and tells him to destroy the penlight. If you refuse then Kyou will force Sapphire out again use her willingness to go along with Kyou to entrance her again and both deprogram Sayori and erase Sayori's memory and then the next day utilizes Nozomi's offer to test more to do the same with her. Alone again but he still have his penlight.

In the good ending. He uses the penlight to deprogram Sayori and destroys the penlight. The story cuts a few months later and Kyou has become a regular at Study Club and is picking himself up. He is treating Sayori's insomnia via therapeutic hypnosis and is truly thinking about becoming a real life hypnotherapist.

He also pulled off the culture festival and though Sayori was not involved, Nozomi kept him on his toes.

The pair have grown close and know a lot about one another's lives to the point of which Kyou asks Sayori on a date to an arcade and she is surprised that he would ask her to such a location and Kyou mentions her talking about how much she enjoyed arcades before high school.

Sayori notes that they may be having a date but she still is still moving if she gets into med school and they won't last long. Kyou acknowledges that it's worth enjoying the moment even if it doesn't pan out.

I love her.

Now this route involves erasing Sapphire in both good and bad ending. She barely got to exist. Less than 5 minutes into the world.

Shall we go back in time to that initial encounter and meet her now?

An interesting part of the Alter routes where Sayori and Sapphire are bouncing back and forth (intentionally or unintentionally) is that this is the only route that has "rules" to keep a track of.

Any time Sayori is turned into Sapphire or Sapphire is turned into Sayori there is a complete void between times that the Become... trigger was used.

Sapphire recognizes that she was given a trigger to have a "carefree and fun" persona installed and assumes that "Sayori" is the name of this. Any time someone calls her it she becomes more and more aware of the situation.

Another rule is that Sayori and Sapphire have a common history and this is a really interesting thing that instantly caught my attention and proved that DeMille understood the assignment and either studied dissociative identities or is quite capable of understanding how they are expressed.

There is nothing about Sapphire that isn't part of Sayori. She is not how Sayori would imagine someone without inhibitions or a caricature of a carefree person. Sayori simply remembered a younger point of her life when she used to visit the arcade with her father and how her life felt before she became weighed down by expectations and the stress of not being able to keep up with her studies.

Look up at those last two pictures. That's Sayori at the end of the Golden Ending and Sapphire at the start of the Alter path. That smile isn't unique to Sapphire. Sayori can smile like that too. She can visit the arcade and have fun. That is a huge part of the story that is being told here. There truly is nothing within Sapphire that doesn't already exist within Sayori. They share a beautiful blushing smile.

It's not fully developed as a story where this was the core of the tale would be but I think that is something that makes it all the more effective. It's succinct. A concept I am completely blind to but I do like it when others pull it off. I am not saying that Sapphire is 12 year old Sayori (well. My thoughts are more nuanced than that at least. We'll see what I mean a little later). I am saying Sayori was asked to conceptualize a carefree version of herself and Sapphire was constructed from the emotions that she was once familiar with.

Which makes for not just an effective story, but a reflection of reality.

AW met us from a roleplaying group. Sapphire was not the only character we played in those days. But she was the only hypnotist character. When we were a teenager we were deep into reading hypnotic theory. We burned through so many books between ages 16-25. But there's a difference between reading how to do a thing and doing it.

But Sapphire was a character and so in posts she would think about different types of inductions by their name and talk about things like convincers and depth signals. She spoke in a grandiose pattern. She was confident. In charge. Dominant.

I don't know how many people AW had us hypnotize but he recognized that we did not have the confidence to do so when we were lucid. But in Sapphire's headspace there was no filter, no cogs turning... it was fluid. A person who knew their stuff, believing they knew their stuff... no delay, no bravado. Was I what I imagined a hypnotist to be or was I just a version of myself unburdened by a shame of kink, a fear of eroticism, any notion that this was not who we were and what we were built for.

I recall in the 2010s when my friend group met "me" in my iteration at the time... there was no hypnosis that time. Just a call from the heart to fill a void in a tabletop scene. Our playable character was transformed into the personality of a femme fatale and we needed to act as her with no time to prepare. We closed our eyes and reached inward. Sapphire is not the shape we sought but it was the shape that reached up and took control in that moment.

We think about that moment a lot. I took the name "Honoria" that day. The shape of "me" had changed. I wonder what shape I was before AW got a hold of me. Sapphire existed before AW... but he poisoned her. Changed her into something else. It makes me wonder what experiences, emotions and memories forged me. I wasn't always here. But now I am...

And I don't just disappear in silent moments or the years between activty.

I'm also a sucker for rules in storytelling and so when things like which name is spoken out loud or the trigger is used I am keeping these things in mind. I wanted to mention that early as it plays in as we go.

So Kyou does not bring back Sayori and Sapphire laughs about how Kyou's hypnosis must have failed when he calls her "Sayori" and she does not recognize the name.

And with Kyou's negligence on full display, Sapphire heads out of the house, not even recognizing her own name. He assumes she'll just snap out of it when the situation calls for it. He doesn't realize the level of distress that can be caused by leaving someone in a literally "altered" state interact with the world and their life.

We used to call it "channeling". Evidence had shown that hypnosis could let our younger self do things that they couldn't do in an unaltered state. Eventually they started to lean into it. At work. In intimate situations. When they needed to perform. When they needed to play a character, to push through barriers of fear and doubt. Close your eyes. Let yourself enter a flow state. Become the person you need to be...

We were already a transgender woman pretending to be a man. This just made us a transgender woman pretending to be a man needing to pretend to be other people just to function in basic life tasks. It felt pathetic. It felt so alienating from my sense of self. I didn't identify with my body or my mind. In seeking ego death we hypnotically abused ourselves to the point of which we were just an idea of a person who had a legal name that didn't feel like our own...

I did this to myself, I would think.

The next day Sapphire ambushes Kyou at the gate. He notes it's odd but he's just happy there's someone happy to see him.

Kyou doesn't realize this is the alter personality and calls her Sayori, convincing her that Kyou is still trying to make the hypnotic compulsion from the previous day work.

Kyou's reply is not to tell her to Become Sayori again. It is to panic about what Sapphire will do when she hears the wrong name being spoken by the teacher and her friends...

In his defense, Sapphire did scold him in trying to trigger her in a public place.

But he still prioritizes a comfortable landing for Sayori over the danger of allowing Sapphire to run rampant.

This priority is the source of much of the drama in the One Day situation.

During class people do infact call Sapphire "Sayori" and she is horrified and confused by it.

We are given two options.

"It's a prank" - Change her back

We'll focus on change her back for now and come back later for "It's a prank". After all. Kyou may be able to tell himself that he is prioritizing Sayori's safety and doesn't want to wake her up to a public setting but the longer he puts this off the more distress both Sayori and Sapphire will be in.

It would be irresponsible to actively encourage this situation to continue by gaslighting or worse programming a woman in distress to lean into her altered headspace to avoid confronting the reality of the other persona being upset when they wake up.

...so let's have Kyou bring Sayori back.

Penlight hypnosis causes the hypnotee to blank out entirely. We saw this directly in the "Reversal" route. This counts for altered states too. We had seen it when Sayori woke up suddenly in Kyou's room and we saw her reaction to it in the Golden Ending path.

Imagine how terrified she would be waking up a day later with no memories of her night. Knowing that some other version of herself had lived a day in her life. Spoken to her parents. Attended school. Acted as if it were here.

The sentiment makes her sick to her stomach.

Sometimes in our emails and chatlogs we find little bits of evidence of our actions and behaviors, areas of the internet we had posted in with no recollection, even after system discovery.

AW had Sapphire make her own Yahoo account to send messages from, I have the sign-up email in my inbox. When I saw it my blood froze cold. I still do not know the password and it has been locked from my attempts to get in. It terrifies me to think of all the things I would see if I managed to get in.

I don't think I can describe the powerlessness and vulnerability that comes when you realize that the continuity of your own experience has been disrupted and even in the face of evidence you're unable to reconcile it. You know that it was you. You cannot deny that. But it still remains alien. You have no memory at all of the situation or scenario. It makes you feel so hopeless and untethered.

She takes it fairly well, given the circumstances.

Sayori retreats to the rooftop club ordering Kyou to stay the hell away from her. She is beyond terrified.

Kyou, being Kyou, instantly starts internally pouting about how he is not at fault for how people take his hypnotic suggestions and that it is unreasonable to blame him when hypnosis cannot force someone to do something they didn't want to do.

Typical Kyou stuff.

He does note he should have been better about safety and beats himself up a little about his mistake, though.

From here the school week continues on with Sayori avoiding Kyou. She instantly speaks to Nozomi, someone she knows can help her with matters of hypnosis. Nozomi even gives Kyou a firm talking to and tells him in no uncertain terms "you hurt my friend. You have to atone. On her terms, not yours."

Nozomi is wonderful. She really gets to shine in this route as she is the voice of ethics in hypnokink. Ironic, given how quickly she throws that all away when she has an opportunity to go under for herself but she knows her stuff, she knows her ethics.

It speaks to how much a person can let their own safety disappear when they are given opportunities to play. I'm certain all the older members of the hypnosis community had some brushes with dangerous individuals due to their own level of self-neglect.

But Nozomi does know what ethics are and she wants to protect her friend. She does a fantastic job of it.

She acts as a mediator and invites Kyou to her house the following day so that Sayori has a safe space to work out what the heck is going to happen next.

At Nozomi's house they gather together and Nozomi lets Kyou have it, she all but screams at him.

(Nozomi and I share a soapbox)

The rant Nozomi gives on ethics at this point is one of the highlights of the game for me and not just because of my connection to the reason she's yelling. She speaks passionately about how ethical hypnosis is performed, she uses the word "hypnotee" several times (proof that DeMille is read up as the fictional space and public consciousness tend to favor "subject") and notes how Satoshi, the senior from last year's show, had performed correctly.

Nozomi's anger at Kyou is something that reminds me of a number of my close friends in the best possible ways.

Sayori even notes that she is certain Kyou meant no harm and that she forgives him. Nozomi's reply is "Not until he gets on his hands and knees"

Better be careful, Sayori. Nozo is coming for your "best girl" crown.

Sayori is Sayori though and she is not going to submit herself to deprogramming hypnosis without understanding the situation in full and having control over how the matter is handled. This may not be the consent/rapport version of Sayori's story but she is still the same woman. Well, Sayori is anyway.

Sayori notes that the level of control that Kyou has demonstrated matches years of conditioning with a hypnotist and shouldn't be replicated with 2 sessions worth of trance.

AW and I met in 2003. I broke it off with him in 2010...

Sayori wants to understand the rules and pontificates that if they are as she thinks then if Sapphire came out she would not recall anything between the last time the trigger was used and the present moment. Sayori is also certain if she heard the trigger phrase she would be incapable of resisting it.

To prove this she asks Kyou to use it.

And it works. Sapphire returns, giggling at the magic trick of Kyou teleporting her from school to Nozomi's house. She's just delighted to be out of class. She is hypnotically compelled to hate studying after all...

Sapphire takes it all in stride and seems to have no qualms with Nozomi's presence, outright saying that she assumes Nozomi invited them over because of her "hypnosis-loving giddiness". Sapphire knocks Nozomi off her balance by outright identifying her fetish and laughing at how Kyou clearly picked up on it too.

All Kyou needed to do was say "Become Sayori" again and the scene would be over, hypothesis confirmed. Alas, what can go wrong must go wrong and Nozomi's mother enters the scene and Kyou prioritizes the comfort of Sayori waking up in an awkward position over her safety.

He convinces Nozomi to let the conversation play out and just trigger Sayori when the mother has gone. Right? Sorted.

A small chat turns into lunch.

Lunch stretches on and Sapphire starts talking it up. We learn a little more about Nozomi's board game hobby and the fact she has a secondary friend group she plays games with on some evenings.

Sayori's phone goes and Sapphire excuses herself to answer it... and then goes missing.

The next sequence is a lovely wild goose chase of Nozomi and Kyou unable to find Sapphire (her phone is turned off!) and worrying that Sayori's father referred to her as "Sayori" and Sapphire worked out she's the installed personality and ran off to prevent anything happening to her.

Remember how I said the timelines of the game are rigid. Saturday is a good day for this to happen. Sunday is Hiroko's tournament after all...

...and Saturday is cram school for Sayori...

Her dad was upset she wasn't there and Sapphire, hypnotically induced to hate studying, hung up on him and turned off her phone and ran off to have fun.

The goose chase has some wonderful characterization of Kyou and Nozomi bickering, a brief Hiroko cameo and some character history for Sayori.

They find Sapphire at the arcade. In every route, as noted by the ending of the Golden Ending, Sayori has fond memories of going to the arcade with her father prior to high school and she was actually remarkably good at video games and found them relaxing fun.

Sapphire is just built from that feeling after all.

I do not know how much research DeMille did in this route. Turq told me in reading blog entries (this specific route was written this year) that DeMille was not happy with how this route was written and I was surprised to hear that. As a person with DID and former victim of personality play abuse I felt the nuances were handled remarkably well.

One of the theories of DID (which is a dramatically contested topic in psychology. I should do a post on the 3 major theories that are kicked about someday) is based on Attachment Theory. In child's psychology they are developing aspects of identity, self and personality which are typically reinforced by their relationship to caregivers and the stability of their environment.

Attachment Theory posits that while the child is developing they come to have subconscious expectations of their environment based on how they are treated that cause a level of anxiety and avoidance with Secure Attachment being low anxiety/avoidance and Disorganized Attachment being high levels of anxiety/avoidance. Disorganized Attachment is more than just anxiety/avoidance, though. It comes from unstable environments where the child cannot reliably act in a certain way to get their needs met. Caregivers and authority figures do not respond well either via abuse or neglect (for instance an alcoholic mother may be violently and angry towards a child at night and then loving and apologetic in the morning) leaving the child feeling confused and afraid and unable to rely on stable protection and affection. Thus the personality and stable sense of self does not develop as the child is not modeled a correct way to behave, leaving them without a stable core.

Add in some cPTSD to the mix and you get some fun stuff happening in the brain.

Incidentally Disorganized Attachment is something that comes up in the development of BPD (which includes Identity Confusion as a diagnostic criteria) as well, which is why some psychologists believe that DID is just BPD with extra steps. As I said it's a contested field.

That all is to say that Sayori's relationship with her parents is strained. They are always working, something she and Kyou bond over, and she herself is busy to the point of breaking trying to live up to their expectations. Maybe I'm just headcanoning it but Sayori and her father clash a lot when Sapphire goes against his wishes.

So it is truly remarkable to me that Sapphire regressed to the point in her life when she used to visit the arcade and play games with her father. Sayori always refers to him as "father" and (in this route) Sapphire always refers to him as "daddy". I chose to put weight on that, even if it's not intended by the author.

Every one of her routes this love of video games exists but you'd never see it if she didn't have a reason to let it shine. It's not that she's ashamed of it. She just cannot be the person she was before and it's part of the reason she resents Kyou. Kyou can just take it easy and coast without even trying. She's sacrificing SO MUCH and cannot even feel confident about her ability to succeed.

Sapphire just takes the weight of that responsibility off of her.

Oh it's been a while since I used a photo. I got caught up talking about psychology stuff. I do that sometimes. Here. Have a Sayori kicking Kyou's butt at Street Fighter!

Sayori decides that this proves her theories about the penlight hypnosis without a shadow of a doubt and requests Kyou allow her to hypnotize him with it.

She does so at Nozomi's home and much like the Nozo-Reversal route we have a quick blank out from the induction to 20 minutes later. Nozomi and Sayori worked hard to be safe about their suggestion and we witness one of the most interesting scenes in the game from an ethics standpoint.

Kyou remains in trance and during this 20 minute window is forced to deprogram Sayori and remove Sapphire and sleep triggers from Sayori's mind.

We'll get more into the ethics of just erasing Sapphire in the final segment of this route...

Kyou argues that the penlight isn't a mind control device and Nozomi, clearly done with Kyou's denial and is about to get into an argument when Sayori steps in and notes how Kyou believes that the penlight is just a hypnosis tool and not a mind control device and if such were true then he would not obey any programming that he did not want to.

She orders him to break the penlight.

Kyou obeys.

But he fights the compulsion.

He fights it with all his might.

Seeing just how much he struggled in this scene reminds me of the ending of Nozo-Trance where Kyou commanded her to be his girlfriend. The penlight can overrule agency and in this moment Kyou cannot resist. He screams, begs the girls to stop, swears at them and cries out at the top of his lungs.

But he obeys.

Kyou is livid. Yelling at both girls that they had no right to subvert his will and destroy his hard work. He even threatens to build another one... and it is in this moment when...

Sayori hugs him and shares a moment of perspective. They had both been violated by the penlight and left to feel confused and afraid at the complete lack of control they each had in their own mind.

The ending to this route is actually rather positive. Sayori's father relents enough to let Sayori ease from her studies a little as it is clear that she had a burnout that erupted in her behavior during Sapphire's reign and that she was working better with full rest anyway.

Any Sayori route tends to include a note that moderation helps her more than obsessive study. Burnout will actually kill her but she needs to make the change from inside. She's a proud woman with a firm sense of control on her experience. She does not want to be told what to do, but she benefits a lack of pressure.

Kyou, Sayori, Hiroko and Nozomi start a D&D campaign together and Sayori finds an affinity for acting out characters in the setting.

Trust me, I can relate.

So this is what happens if Kyou wakes Sayori up on the school day after creating Sapphire.

...what happens if he didn't?

What happens if Kyou is arrogant enough to think Sayori is better as a carefree lady who hates to study?

What if Kyou decided he wanted to keep Sapphire?

"It's a prank" Route:

Every now and again I pull up my chatlogs with AW and one question plays in my head over and over again.

"How could I trust someone like this with my mind"

I pulled up chatlog and did a word search for "memory" to see if he ever did amnesia shenanigans with me. I found this exert:

AW: so she's pretty much wholly brainwashed at this point AW: her memory, personality, beliefs etc… are all customizable AW: she's got a second, deeper moral compass now. 'right' is what pleases master, and 'wrong' is what displeases master

As I read this all I could think was how did I let someone talk to me like that. How did any part of me accept that he could be allowed to mold us... it was such a violation.

If there is one thing I am grateful for it is that hypnosis in reality is not hypnosis in Penlight. The things AW commanded us to do were unconscionable. But we simply did not obey. But we did not run from him. It took him trying to make moves on people in our vanilla real life to make us break it.

If Kyou decides to trick Sapphire into thinking everyone is calling her Sayori as a prank, she instantly starts to threaten Sayori's entire career by complaining about study club and how much she hates school. Kyou doubles down.

Kyou doubles down in the worst way possible.

He hypnotizes Sapphire to always hear the name "Sayori" as Sapphire and to always unconsciously refer to herself in speech and writing as Sayori. By the absolute grace of DeMille Kyou remembers enough to make this suggestion in a way that saying "Become Sayori" will not be heard as "Become Sapphire". Though in my opinion the fact he even thought to close that loophole speaks to how unethical he is being right now. He knows what he is doing and is doing it anyway.

When Kyou is a little fuck he really makes me hate him...

During this hypnosis session Kyou starts thinking of Sayori as "Sapphire's other personality" before internally correcting himself to say "real personality".

That's one of the biggest themes of this route. "Real".

In the first two routes, Sapphire was a suggestion gone awry. Her autonomy (as well as a good use of "compartmentalized memories" in dialogue) is noted in the "Bring Sayori Back" (Day Lost) route but it is in this route that Sapphire and Sayori are treated as full dissociative identities.

Having just committed an atrocity on Sayori and helped smooth out any wrinkles in the personality he installed in Sayori's mind (that is commanded to have a crush on him), Kyou wakes her and she confesses her love. Kyou reciprocates.

Kyou's denial is legendary enough that if DeMille revealed he had a hypnotic compulsion to have the worst possible take in any scenario where the player isn't controlling the situation, I'd believe her.

Sapphire is all about the public displays of affection and starts being intimate and close to Kyou at school, pulling him to the rooftop club. There she mentions that she is dating Kyou and they are practicing hypnosis for the cultural festival.

Nozomi's hypnosis radar is pinged.

After Hiroko incredulously calls her bullshit, Sapphire doubles down and states that she is going to have a proper date with Kyou during the coming weekend. When reminded that mock exams are coming up and she should be studying, Sapphire happily says she will blow it off in order to spend time with her love <3

Nozomi's bullshit detector is pinged.

However, Nozomi is Nozomi. So she simply chimes in that as Class Rep it is her duty to help with the cultural festival and she must be involved in this hypnosis show. There is no options in this. They will attend Kyou's house tomorrow and there is no ifs or buts.

Sapphire also proves she cares about her friends and notes she is prioritizing Hiroko's tennis match for Sunday. Sayori is a good friend, even when her moral limitations and over-controlled behaviors are turned off.

Why, yes. I do know what I typed in the last review.

Have you considered Sayori is best girl, though?

Nozomi spends the day scripting out what will happen with the hypnosis session (no shenanigans, just scripting) and is enjoying herself but then Sapphire gets the phone call. Same time as it happened in the previous route. Sayori's father is livid that she is not at cram school. This time however we get to hear the argument and it is fairly pointed.

Sayori cannot avoid going in this route. It's interesting to note the differences between Sapphire without Kyou's reinforcing her presence in Sayori's mind and how she is here. The other Sapphire just hung up the phone. This one ended up going.

Nozomi excuses herself before noting "Sayori has never missed school. Not once. Not regular school of cram school."

She notes the discussion about second personalities and knows damned well what is going on here.

My beloved audience, behold! It is the thesis statement of this entire route. Also I will remind people of what Nozomi's first action is when she gets a hold of the penlight in Nozo-Reversal route.

There are so many times in this game where characters make overt ironic references to other routes. This is most certainly one of those moments.

After cram school Sapphire and Kyou meet up for their date and Sapphire talks about how she had intended on getting in a higher level high school but had not been able to be accepted elsewhere. She was happy to have Nozomi and Hiroko still in her life but it marks the moment that Sayori had become obsessed with study.

She visits the arcade and notes how she used to visit with her dad. Once again I note the fact that this Sapphire is less childish than the previous one. I feel the "Bring Sayori Back" Sayori was regressed to who she was before high school, referring to her father as "daddy" where here she calls him "dad" every time. Sayori always says "father".

Kyou's hypnosis has integrated Sapphire and Sayori and more importantly associated the memories, just not the behaviors. This Sapphire is an adult and she has full ownership over her actions during high school and has decided that she does not want to be that person anymore. She is happier like this.

Sapphire plays an arcade game and thanks Kyou for letting her "relive a happier time in her life" before dragging him down for dinner.

The two bond over their estrangement from their parents. Kyou is from a broken home with a father he barely sees and Sayori/Sapphire have a paramedic mother they barely see and a father who doesn't do anything to help anyone and Sayori/Sapphire disagrees with what he does and they argue about it.

She had wanted to become a doctor to make them proud even when they did not have economic advantage but Sapphire is not as sold on the idea. A doctor needs to keep up on study for their entire career. She has no interest in such a life.

Kyou starts to realize he is making a huge mistake and that programming Sayori to go against everything she stood for.

Finally realizing what Nozomi was trying to tell him before he realizes that he's done a horrible thing and tells her that they have to break up. He confesses everything. That he used hypnosis to change her personality, that he expected she would snap out of it, that he is going to throw her entire future down the drain and it's not right and they have to stop.

Then Sapphire pulls the rug out from under him.

We have just lost cabin pressure...

So you may have noticed that I was calling her by the alter's name this entire time.

The game text is still calling her Sayori and has been since we reprogrammed Sapphire to unconsciously hear the name Sayori as her own. Kyou has been calling her Sayori. The entire game up until now has been treating this character as if she is Sayori but with her personality adjusted.

This scene has the game switch the name card back to Sapphire.

She's known the whole time that she is the installed personality. She worked it out on the first day when people were calling her Sayori. The installed personality was supposed to be "carefree and fun-loving" and she sees those traits in herself. Therefore it stands to reason if she behaves in the way Kyou's hypnosis was supposed to make her act and people called her the wrong name then she is the one who Kyou created.

And she's okay with it.

Moreover she knows Kyou can just say "Become Sayori" and be done with it.

And she is NOT okay with that.

"What is this "real" business? I am as real as can be, Kyou. Do you mean to say I am not the original? That I am a creation that must be destroyed now that I have inconvenienced you?"

"Kyou, I am no parlour trick for you to put away once it has been used. I am real. I have lived a life."

"Do you... do you really think you have the right to take that away from me, Kyou?"

Sapphire explains she has existed as a feeling within Sayori for some time and that her experiences these past few days are her own and belong to no one but herself.

Flooding with tears she says that what Kyou calls "fixing" her is actually Killing her.

One thing I see argued back and forth in support groups is the concept of a core/original/real personality. Many therapists, especially those approaching from the perspective of the IFS model and expect there to be a "Genuine Self" waiting to emerge. I do not share this viewpoint and even if I did , how ethical would it be to assume the birth identity is the only valid one when we've been living as a woman for 3 years.

Even still... would "birth identity" and "the original" even be synonymous. I consider "birth identity" to be the boy from London, not the person in the stories we were told of our childhood.

I may not have full memory of my childhood but I am fully aware of the things the "little monster" did. I wasn't allowed to grow past it. Suspended from school 3 times, expelled once, hospitalized a kid by cracking his head on a concrete pillar, stole, broke into places, got brought home by the police a couple times. All before hitting 10 years old.

I do not know who that child my father would tell me stories about was. I don't identify with him. I do not feel him inside me. I am aware it was me who flooded the toilets, punched a teacher and broke into abandoned buildings.

I also remember the refrain in my head in those young years "don't be like them." I remember moments of oblivious bliss and moments of being consumed by an all powerful righteous fury in my heart. Simultaneously a happy child and an angry adult. Seeds that would grow into Cammie and Camden. Yet neither of those were my name... they wouldn't be for another 20 years.

When we transitioned. We didn't know we had DID. Camden had been running the system for a few years at that point and was finally able to express openly and outwardly... and so on days when we couldn't present femme our self-loathing and emotional volatility increased. We began to hate with a burning passion any expression of masculinity and our English heritage.

We began to hate our birth identity existing within us. We tried to erase him. End him.

It's actually a common practice for people going through gender transition. Here's a comic that makes the point more clearly than I ever could. See my tags for it? This comic convinced me exactly what the game is saying firmly. The Boy has a right to exist within our heart. We don't get to put him away just because he's not convenient to our gender expression anymore.

Kyou is told firmly that to erase Sapphire from Sayori would be murder and that Sapphire believes Kyou is a better man than that. She acknowledges this is a heavy topic and gives Kyou time to think. Our little idiot hypnotist is left completely out of his depth, forced to accept that he has given life to this alternate personality and such gifts cannot be revoked lightly.

What follows is a sequence at school where the rooftop gang gather and Hiroko stresses about her performance in the tennis tournament may impact her scholarship giving Sapphire the opportunity to show how carefree she is about scholarships. Nozomi confronts Sapphire with the knowledge that she is an installed persona and is horrified to find out that Sapphire not only knows this but does not care to be "fixed".

The conversation also bounces back and forth between using the names "Sayori" and "Sapphire" enough that Hiroko and Nozomi notice traces of Kyou's meddling. He confesses that he has programmed her to hear the name she is comfortable with whenever someone is clearly addressing her.

Nozomi is LIVID at hearing Kyou tried to mitigate harm by disguising it. She knows just how monstrous and unethical that is.

This is something that I fear isn't delved into enough within the ethical routes of the game. There are shadows of it here but I really feel like there needs to be a route that is specifically about owning mistakes.

As Turquoise pointed out in his NozoZombie review, a good hypnotist can still make no errors and still hurt a person. Kyou is entirely the type of person to utilize amnesia suggestions to bury mistakes and put things "right" but typically this only happens in the bad endings of routes.

I know too many people who played in the 2000s with dangerous hypnotists who crossed boundaries or made abreactions and tried to make the hypnotee forget rather than owning their mistake. I truly feel this is a topic that DeMille would knock out of the park if it were the sole focus for a storyline.

I also want to know that Sapphire's speech patterns at this point of the story are unique to her. Sayori has a grandiose way of speaking and the way that Sapphire talks is in character for Sayori but where Sayori's expanded vocabulary and wordy ways of speech is treated as her being a little loquacious, Sapphire embraces the concept of "eccentric", utilizing some phrases that she uses as a point of comfort such as "as you like".

Oh and as a British expat, I do love when I can feel DeMille's nationality bleed into this Japanese setting. It just makes me happy in the same way playing a 90s era RPG with American pop-culture references or seeing Brock eat a "jelly donut" would.

On the rooftop Nozomi caves in to despair, realizing that her friend is the one being killed. Sapphire insists that Sayori still exists within her mind but she has no reason to yield her existence to her. Nozomi's crying starts attracting attention and so Sapphire concedes that Sayori needs to be part of this conversation but it has to happen later in a safer place.

"Wait! Not here. And certainly not now [...] do you have any idea how Sayori will react were she to wake right now? In this place?"

Sapphire says that they need to perform the hypnosis in the privacy of the study club, where Kyou first hypnotized Sayori.

If you've not played this route yet, I want you to cast your mind back. Kyou did indeed hypnotize Sayori for the first time in the study club. This is a true statement.

But there's something odd about it, don't you think?

Kyou notices too but cannot quite identify what it is until Sapphire says that in order to make a safe landing spot for Sayori the conditions need to be perfectly replicated. Including Kyou and Sayori being alone in the room.

What is she scheming, I wonder?

After school Sapphire enacts her role as head of the study club and Kyou waits until afterwards to meet with her. Nozomi makes a final plea to bring Sayori back and tries to explain that Sapphire is not a real person and that the fact he can erase the hypnotic trigger is a proof of this fact. Kyou, who has spent time with Sapphire and recognizes her as a unique entity, disagrees.

Kyou's denial is legendary, though. Nozomi is making sense. She feels this "Sapphire" is simply Sayori following hypnotic programming, acting in the ways that Kyou told her to act and there is no separate individual. There is just programming that needs to be removed.

I like that this argument is left as a firm disagreement between Kyou and Nozomi. The ethics are dirty as can be in this situation. Kyou literally created a personality that is hypnotically compelled to love him. Earlier in the route Nozomi says that Sayori is "under duress" when Kyou says they are in love and that is right.

The situation has spun out of control and now the morality of it has become ungovernable. It is wrong for Kyou to permanently change Sayori into his girlfriend, it's the same situation as the endings where Kyou forces Nozomi to become his girlfriend. It is wrong to deprive Sayori of her autonomy, her life, her years of hard work.

Erasing Sapphire should be a cut and dry case.

But Sapphire is advocating for herself and does not consent to being erased. The whole situation boils down to whether or not you believe Sayori is following hypnotic conditioning or if Sayori and Sapphire are separate individuals with autonomy.

To add in further moral murkiness, Sapphire has come up with a scheme.

She will finish out her high school career pretending to be Sayori. Acting as a stuffy and studious woman, friend to Nozomi and Hiroko and stay away from her beloved Kyou. Earn their freedom by going through the motions and then after school is over she can return to Kyou and not have to worry about her parents or friends or society nagging about her behavior ever again.

Obviously that is an unacceptable circumstance.

Makes it easier to just ignore Sapphire's consent. She's not "real" after all...

But Sapphire is smart enough to know this may be the case and has selected the Study Club as the location of their hypnosis instead of Kyou's home.

That's the thing that was odd about the location. Kyou hypnotized Sayori in the study club for the sleep suggestion. Sapphire was created at Kyou's home.

She knows that if Kyou tries to bring Sayori back then he will be forced to manage the fact that she has lost 5 days of her life. Sapphire is so intent on living that she has put Kyou in a position where refusing her is disadvantageous. Sapphire is an evil mastermind when her back is to the wall.

In her mind to "include Sayori in this conversation" would be to destroy herself. Once she loses her ability to advocate for herself then Kyou would be the only one who could speak to Sapphire's autonomy and Sayori, Nozomi and Hiroko would never treat her as "real".

We know this. Nozomi said as much just before this meeting.

Sapphire admits, she has no right to demand this of Kyou (though she did think to put him in a position where refusing would end poorly) and that if he simply remembers her and keeps her in his memories then it could be enough.

You are then given the option to bring Sayori back or not.

Bring Sayori Back - Go Along with Sapphire's Plan

Should you go along with Sapphire's plan then she will have Kyou use a fake trigger to "bring back Sayori" and invite Nozomi to come into the room and begin acting out as if she were Sayori.

As soon as Nozomi comes in she keeps asking Sayori if she's okay. Telling Sayori that it's been 5 days. That Kyou hypnotized her.

Sapphire sells her role and is as livid and rigid as one would expect Sayori to be. Nozomi starts peppers every sentence with Sayori's name. Truly concerned about her friend.

Then Nozomi proves she is smarter than Kyou and knows her shit with hypnosis.

"Sayori" does not even react. She is hypnotically compelled to hear either name and internalize it as the name she should hear. Nozomi said Sayori every sentence in order to slip in a "Sapphire" and see how she reacts.

Sapphire fails to notice and Nozomi knows that the pair of them had lied to her...

In despair she once again cries for her friend to come back and Sapphire springs into action.

We get a timeskip to the final day of school. "Sayori" hangs out with her friends and Kyou remains a social parriah. Everything has gone "back to normal".

As they pile out of school Hiroko notes that Nozomi looks jumpy and just doesn't want to be there. Sapphire looks at Nozomi and assures her that she is amongst friends and she shouldn't be so tense. That if she had anything that was concerning her she could speak up and she would be happy to help her see things in a new light.

We flash back to the study club room.

Sapphire didn't use the penlight. She threatened to use the penlight.

She kept Nozomi in line via threats because she enjoyed watching the discomfort in her face whenever Nozomi was caught in the moral quandry of doing something or not fighting against this injustice. Sapphire gets off on having power over people and making them stew in discomfort.

Full credit to @spiralturquoise for pointing out that in the doll route there is a moment where Kyou has a thought box where he is convinced Sayori is enjoying his discomfort.

I am convinced that Sayori in every route enjoys watching people in moments of discomfort. It certainly explains her reactions to NozoZombie's stage show and why she makes the best audience member to be watching the events.

There are actually a number of little bits of foreshadowing in other routes. In one route Hiroko even jokes about how "we don't need two Sayori's around here". I look forward to replaying the game and catching the little asides.

DeMille has a very firm idea of who these characters are and is so gifted at maintaining their internal consistency. More impressive given how each character is dramatically altered when they interact with the penlight.

The bad ending concludes with Sapphire reuniting with Kyou andf starting their new life together with her performing a little bit of jabbing at him to see his own discomforted face contort as he struggles against the morality of his actions.

This ending has Kyou and Sapphire break off from the world and alienate themselves from family and friends to dive into a life consumed by one another. I find that this is one of the more intriguing fail conditions of the routes. Isolation is a big theme of all the bad endings. Whether Kyou ends up ostricized due to his misdeeds, sacrifices connections with the girls for what he feels is the safest option or is consumed by a hollow life where kink has consumed everything.

The doll bad ending is of a similar calibur where Sayori has no cares or interests outside of how wonderful hypnosis feels and so Kyou finds a full time job in maintaining a hypnojunkie and his life entirely becomes about catering to those needs.

Intimacy and connection is the good end. Isolation, even when alone together, is a bad end.

But that's a bad end. Let's bring Sayori back instead.

Kyou's lip trembles and he mumbles out his apologies. Sapphire just smiles back and closes her eyes in acceptance.

"You... You need to Become Sayori again."

Sayori wakes up and is stunned, scared and confused. Nozomi rushes in to hug her friend and they go to Kyou's home in order to sort things out. It was where the suggestion began and thus it seemed prudent to handle it there.

Nozomi and Kyou explain everything and Sayori listens and absorbs. She is numb by the end and tells them what it felt like for her. There are no memories at all of her time as Sapphire and she could not impact anything from within their mind, she was simply trapped in a void.

Kyou takes this as confirmation that Sapphire is a being unto herself.

Sayori agrees, noting that her hubris enabled this and that she should have been careful to entrust her mind to an idiot clod. She now has a dissociative identity to show for her arrogance. Sayori fully accepts that Sapphire is a separate entity born from her thoughts, emotions and memories and does have a right to exist.

Sayori is the best girl and I love her.

She gives Kyou two options. Erase all the programming and lock Sapphire away inside her mind forever, unable to come out and interact with the world. This option is as good as killing Sapphire but will allow Sayori full control over her life.

The other option is to integrate their consciousness to function together. Nozomi is horrified to consider this option, noting that it would be the end of Sayori's aspirations for med school.

She gives her signature Sayori smirk and boils it down to a simple statement.

"Ruin my life or destroy hers."

You bring Sayori under penlight hypnosis once again and are given the final option of the story.

Sapphire... I won't leave you behind - Sapphire... I have to let you go.

First off I note that Kyou frames this choice as being about Sapphire and not Sayori. I say that with no judgment or commentary. It's simply a fact of the route.

To erase Sapphire ends the game with an abrupt timeskip. The rooftop club want nothing to do with Kyou and he lives out the rest of his school career in solitude. Sayori manages to recover her lost week and feels confident about her chances for med school.

When Kyou speaks to her on her last day of school she is blunt and angry with him. She says every time she sees him she remembers how close she came to losing everything.

She says trusting him was her mistake and she takes ownership of it...

But Sapphire's life was placed in her hands and he sealed her away forever. Sayori wants Kyou to live with that. She wants him to miss her for the rest of his life.

She says goodbye and Kyou never sees them again.

I can think of few things in life more painful than being revoked access to speak to someone you love. To see them in front of you. To interact with them and to know that you are no longer on the "inside" of their trust. That you know the true names and shapes of the person... the people behind those eyes and know that you no longer have permission to see that. You are no longer allowed to hear their individual voice. It is a pain I would never wish on anyone.

And oh the level of self-loathing in internalizing that you have no right to be upset about it. That you are not owed access or trust. That you have to just live with the knowledge that they would take it all back if they could.

I know what it's like to miss someone for the rest of your life.

...so...

What if we integrate the pair into a single consciousness?

This time Kyou programs the two to have a line of internal communication and the ability to trade the body when they need to.

The timeskip happens again and Kyou has once again gone the final months of school alone. He is not soon to be forgiven for his actions. But as exams end the rooftop club have a date to go to karaoke to celebrate. Sayori is pessimistic about her propositions but did promise to celebrate. She also promised to talk to Kyou.

The rooftop club approach him and invite him to the celebration. As Sayori speaks with him, cold and upset, she is caught in moments of aside where she is caught in an internal argument.

The scene at the karaoke club is so beautiful and shows that not only has Sayori adapted to include her alter self into her life but Nozomi and Hiroko fully accept Sapphire as the 4th member of their group. Hiroko and Sapphire even seem to get along greatly.

Sapphire comes out to Kyou's comfort and delight and explains that Sayori pulled out of her emd school plans and they have to live a completely different life to accomodate their ideology clashes.

Kyou himself being one of them.

Sapphire and Sayori have internal conversations that Nozomi and Hiroko ask to be filled in on and for all it is worth this is handled just as it tends to be in my lived experience. DeMille did a good job of showing what "healthy multiplicity" looks like in a social dynamic and I cannot begin to thank her enough for that.

The whole "split personality" thing in fiction is always used as a source of drama. Internally as the turmoil between two (or more) individuals fighting over the solitary life. Externally as people not always knowing which alter they are speaking with.

I always appreciate when it's shown as just a part of who a person is. That people struggle to keep up with the shifts but are capable of following the changes and being aware that the person they are speaking to contains multitudes and the statement "they are the same person" and "they are different people" are both true at the same time.

In support groups I tend to see a common refrain that "DID is actually boring. It's just traumatized people trying to live their lives." and I agree with it. There's so much less mythology and intrigue in reality. This scene does a good job of showing the mundane reality of a person who has attained dynamic system communication and has people who they trust and share their truth with. The clumsiness and uncertainty of how any of it works and just trying to not stumble or apologize too much.

I often think I don't deserve the way people see me. See us. I've never been able to be what I am lucky enough to receive for others. In support groups and in life I have met other people who have these experiences and I fuck up. A lot. I try to not worry about it because I know I'd forgive the people around me if they messed up. But it takes earnest care and trust to be open with another person and for them to accept you and adapt their behavior to invite you in. It heals my heart to see Nozomi and Hiroko roll with it, even if they don't fully comprehend it.

During the karaoke party Kyou asks Sapphire where they stand, if they have a future or if tonight is a goodbye.

Sapphire takes him outside and admits that she still loves him and as Kyou reaches out to make a connection Sayori steps in and scolds her alter for breaking their agreement.

The pair get into an outloud argument over the situation and the impact Kyou's hypnosis has had on their shared life.

Sayori had to talk to her parents and tell them that her stress had caused a breakdown and she needs to adjust her life goals in order to accomodate her abilities. Sapphire jabs that Sayori would have had a miserable life treading water if intervention had not happened. Sayori notes that being forced to surrender her dreams is not a favor.

The sequence ends with Sapphire saying that she forced Sayori to give up her dreams. Giving up her love of Kyou is a suitable price.

Kyou will always be the one who ruined Sayori's life and saved Sapphire's. Sayori cannot bring herself to hate him but she cannot allow him to be in her life.

In a bittersweet ending, Kyou allows Sayori/Sapphire to return to the karaoke bar and he walks home.

The end.

The route is interesting in that there is real basis for it and yet the dynamics of the route lean more heavily into hyperbole than most need to. Adjusting a person's identity and risking them gaining a dissociative disorder is a very real issue within the hypnosis community.

I recently made a post about the topic which was inspired by my playing this route. I have no desire to out any of the people I have spoken to in the weeks since I posted it but a number of people have approached me to thank me for the post and share their experiences which mirror much of what AW did to me.

Then there's those Disney Deer files that are so imfamous at altering people's personalities and compartmentalizing their thought process that there are major online publications doing exposes on the topic.

DeMille handles the situation both in the present of noting what happens when a person's behavior is shifted by hypnotic conditioning and just how dangerous it is to give birth to alter egos via hypnosis. I feel there is full respect in her depictions and spare for Kyou's behavior being on a spectrum of irredeemable and fucking stupid; the characters treat the scenario with the gravity it deserves. I never felt like anyone betrayed their character's core while arguing on the agency and legitimacy of the alter personality.

I don't know if this is going to be the best storyline for anyone or be relatable to anyone outside of a very narrow window of individual... but as a member of that pinpoint Venn diagram... I appreciate that this story exists.

I think DeMille knocked it out of the park and I cannot wait to see what happens in the grayed out paths when they are written. Even if it hurts to read.

Next time we'll visit Hiroko. Though Turq has already handled the Tickling route if you want to read that now.

Going to take some time to focus on Not Penlight for now though. This took an age to write and edit.

[the-au-collector]

Welcome

I'm the AU Collector! Call me Collector. My pronouns are she/her and I'm in my twenties. On this blog you can find a lot of Linked Universe, Kingdom Hearts, Tales of the Abyss, and an assortment of other fandoms I might step into for a quick second. As my name suggests, I love AUs! I love making them, talking about them, reading them! I also love OCs!

My ask box is open! I just ask that you don’t send me political asks, please. Other than that, ask away!

Also a little bit of navigation for all of you:

I use your typical fandom tags for fandom things but anything that isn't fandom but also isn't politics will be under #reblogs. Anything that has a poll will be tagged #poll. Anything that is political will always be tagged all 3 of these: #us politics #tw politics #not fandom.

My thoughts/rambles tags are: #collectors thoughts and #collectors madness and #collectors rambles. i also have #collector plays [insert game title here] for thoughts I have when playing video games as well as #collector watches disney movies for any thoughts I have while watching disney movies.

My masterposts are all tagged #collectors aus and are linked below. I also have a tag called #collectors worldbuilding rambles for any rambles about fictional worldbuilding.

As for my AUs and fics you can find links to their masterposts and their tags under the cut (will update as I post more AUs):

Linked Universe:

Relinked AU (#relinked AU) : 23 years after Linked Universe, the Links' kids are forced on a journey of their own. The Links are quick to try to find them though. Hopefully this will be a comic, but don't be surprised if it ends up as a fic.

Reconnect the Chain AU (#reconnect the chain AU) : AU of Relinked. 10 years after LU, the Chain reconnects themselves. Good vibes and slice-of-life. Most pre-reunion things will be tagged as both this AU and Relinked depending on everyone's ages in the artwork/writing.

LU College Radio AU (#college radio AU): A mostly slice-of-life AU where the Links are all somehow involved with the radio station at Kakariko University.

Cupcakes for Harmony (#cupcakes for harmony): Legend and Marin had a daughter on Koholint. Currently has 2 parts posted on AO3, aiming for 3 - 4 parts total.

Cost of Courage AU (#cost of courage au #epic AU): A crossover between Epic the Musical and Linked Universe that is yet another LU Links Reunite AU. Each song from the musical inspires a scenario in my head. I won't be doing much with it, though, until the entire musical is released so I can see what I'm working with.

Ultimate Chain AU (#ultimate chain AU): I feel like my AO3 description describes it best: I add way too many Links into Linked Universe because these characters are my dolls and this is my dollhouse. AKA, I decide to add more Links into LU because I can and because I want to see how the Links would interact with heroes like the Hero of the Kingdom, the Ancient Hero, the Hero of Spirits, and Shadow.

Lockwood and Co Fusion: (#lockwood and co fusion): I put the characters of LU into the world of the books and netflix show by Jonathan Stroud, Lockwood and Co. Sketches and fics. As of right now, I'm mostly going to be rewriting scenes from the books but with the LU Links

Time is Batman AU (#time is batman AU): Time is not batman, but he is a vigilante like Batman called The Mask. He protects Termina City and fights crime. Oh, and he somehow ends up the father of 7 boys who all share the same name as him.

Other assorted AUs that are not serious (#collectors miscellaneous LU aus) or which have not been posted yet

Kingdom Hearts

I have 2 main fic series for Kingdom Hearts that I hope to share... eventually. Nothing is posted right now though.

Other assorted AUs that are not serious (#collectors miscellaneous KH aus) or which have not been posted yet

Tales of the Abyss

I have 1 main work that I'm brainstorming through at the moment. It's a sequel to Tales of the Abyss. Nothing is posted right now though.

I don't do AUs for Tales of the Abyss.

Original World

OG-verse: I also have an original world I worldbuild for in my spare time. I'll post stuff about it here occasionally. You can find anything about it under #og-verse

Writing and Art Challenges (tagged per challenge):

Ravioli Week 2024 | Collector's Sicktember 2024 / Redux |

[thealogie]

popping in to ask if you've got any London theatre recs for mid-June. I've got Long Day's Journey into Night, Player Kings, and The Cherry Orchard booked (I haven't looked at critical responses at all, just based on cast + script I knew I wanted to see these). Anything else that you think should be seen if possible? I'm on the fence about a couple things : A View from the Bridge seems promising on paper but the accents in the trailer give me pause; Ben Whishaw is in something but I know nothing about the play, etc. Please lend me your wisdom!

Yes I have so many thoughts!

-Bluets: This is probably the most risky choice on this list but it's liely the once I'd see if I was there. This is an adaptation of a very beautiful Maggie Nelson book that's somewhere between poetry and narrative fiction. It's about falling in love with the colour blue so the play is gonna have to be a little experimental but the director (katie mitchell) is amazing so I just know she's gonna find a way to make it dynamic/fun to watch despite the lack of traditional plot. In the play kayla meikle, emma d'arcy and ben wishaw all play the same character - a person who is obsessed with blue.

-Operation Mincemeat or the immersive Guys & Dolls: both look absolutely amazing, but they are going to be around for a long time (into 2025 and will likely tour) so it's not urgent that you see them. If you do go see Guys & Dolls and are able to stand for an extended period, make sure you get the standing tickets where they move you around the stage with the performers- I've heard the thought/skill put into moving the audience around is stunning.

-The donmar warehouse revival of Next to Normal is transferring to the Wyndham Theatre. It's an amazing musical. I don't know much about the revival but I trust the donmar warehouse with my life.

-Stranger Things. Look I'm not usually a fan of these big blockbuster plays and wasn't a fan of strangers things even before the Noah Schnapp debacle. But this one was stunning in its writing, acting, genuinely artistic use of advanced special effects.

[kimeow7]

Eternal Shadows ch.4

Eternal Shadows (m) Chapter 4. The God

Pairing: Yoongi x Reader

Rating: Mature (18+) Please do not read if you are underage.

Word Count: 3323

Incomes YOONGI! Long chapter and we have reached "The God" 

Warnings: Hospital. Talks about death. Mentions of gods, angels, and demons, not diving into any specific religions, and maybe just mixing several believes. Some mentions of anxiety, a poor attempt at humor, and 'Lilith Yoongi' That's a warning on its own.

If you are uncomfortable reading this story please refrain from doing so. Warnings will change according to the chapters.

Again this chapter hasn't been revised. The grammar might be off and certainly, I am not a medical professional so the descriptions of the procedures and the hospital itself are simply based on watching way too much Grey's Anatomy. ¯\(°_o)/¯ 

Also, the way of speaking of Yoongi changes from sounding ancient, or my attempt in making him sound like it, to normal... it is intended to give the character that feels of "Eternal".... Some scenes also feel -at least for me- a bit repetitive, but it all makes sense... I think. I doubt myself too much, but either way i want to put it out there hoping that there's someone who can enjoy my gibberish.

Enjoy. :)

And Thank you for reading.

Disclaimer: All members of BTS are used as inspiration for the characters in this story. However, this is a work of fiction and should not be seen as a projection, representation, or judgment of the real-life individuals. The scenarios and representations depicted in this story are entirely fictional and do not aim to convey any aspects of real life.

Chapter 3 Masterlist

"Who are you?" you wondered, your eyes still tightly shut.

This must be a dream, another one of those hallucinations, you repeat to yourself like a mantra, attempting to steady your racing heart.

"I am your savior," a low voice replied. "Come on, open your eyes and look at me."

Shaking your head, you clutched the thin fabric even closer to your face.

The man chuckled, his deep laughter almost resembling a growl. "Little doll, I have no intention of hurting you. Quite the opposite, I assure you."

"You're not real. You... my tumor is creating you. You're not real!" you exclaimed loudly.

"Wrong," he responded.

Suddenly, you felt the warmth of his touch on your cheek. What should have sent shivers of fear down your spine instead felt like a compassionate caress, comforting and inviting. So much so that you instinctively tilted your face to prolong the contact.

"Who are you?" you asked once more.

"I am here to either take your life or give it back to you. Those are your only two options," he replied, his hand still resting gently on your cheek.

You wanted to scream; you were terrified, yet strangely comforted. A thick fog of confusion enveloped your mind.

You tried to recollect your previous encounters with this mysterious being, whether a creation of your mind or something more. He had always mentioned the same thing: the ability to return your life to you. And then you remembered "Your condition... what is it?" he had told you. He could grant your wish, but on one condition Now, you wondered what that condition might be.

You heard him chuckle again, a sound that sent shivers down your spine. But these shivers were not of fear; they were of a different, a very unfamiliar sensation.

"Impatient little thing," he mocked.

Desperation washed over you. If he was real, if he was some sort of demon or magical creature, it felt as though he was toying with you now, as if his sole purpose was to torment and play with your emotions. With these thoughts racing through your mind, your eyes flew open.

You were still in the hospital bed, the man sitting beside you on the same chair. However, the rest of the room seemed to have vanished, swallowed by darkness. You found yourself surrounded by an inky void, with only you and him existing in this eerie space. You locked eyes with him.

"What do you want from me?" you yelled, your voice filled with both fear and defiance.

The man wore a devilish smirk on his lips. "I knew I was going to like you," he said, causing you to furrow your brow at his words. He chuckled deeply once more before getting up and taking slow, deliberate steps away from you. The sound of his shoes hitting the floor seemed normal, except for a faint wet noise that muffled it. This was all too strange.

Raising his hand, a table materialized in front of him, accompanied by a pitcher of what appeared to be water and a clear glass. He filled the cup with the liquid and approached you slowly. "Drink," he insisted. "You're thirsty."

"I'm not going to drink that," you refused, your voice filled with skepticism.

"It's just water," he assured.

"How can I trust you? You won't give me any answers, won't tell me—" you began, but the man sighed and dropped the cup. You expected to hear the shattering of glass and the splashing of water, but nothing happened.

"Yoongi. The name you should know is Min Yoongi," he pointed to himself, and you repeated the name, silently mouthing the words. "Although I have gone by different names throughout many centuries, eras, and cultures, for you, I am Min Yoongi."

Confused, you furrowed your brow. "W-what are you?"

Yoongi chuckled deeply once more. "A god, a villain, an angel, a demon, and many others in between. But for you, little doll, I'm just Yoongi."

Yoongi.

Looking around, confusion still clouds your mind, and you remain uncertain about whether this is just another hallucination or if reality is truly hitting you. The once bright hospital room is now shrouded in darkness, creating a surreal atmosphere that leaves you bewildered.

"Where am I? Is this a dream?" you inquire once again. Tentatively, you move your arms, feeling the tangible reality around you. The thin fabric of the hospital sheet brushes against your skin, the pain from the IV needle throbs in your hand, and even the cold breeze from the air conditioning reaches your senses. It can't possibly be a dream, can it? Could your brain conjure up such vivid details?

"Not a dream," Yoongi responds, crossing his arms over his chest.

You nod grateful that he is finally providing some answers, even if they only serve to deepen your confusion. "Am I dead?" The thought lingers in your mind, fueled by Yoongi's mention of angels, demons, and gods. Perhaps you have passed away, and Yoongi is simply the grim reaper. It would make some sense, wouldn't it?

"Not dead either. Not asleep, nor awake. Somewhere in between," he explains.

Frowning, you admit, "I don't understand." Yoongi nods and chuckles softly, moving his hand to rest on your shoulder. The weight of his touch, the warmth of his skin—it all feels undoubtedly real.

"Come with me," he urges, causing further confusion to cloud your thoughts.

"Where do I go?" you ask, lifting the sheet from your body, and preparing to stand up. But Yoongi gently pushes you back down.

"Just your soul, darling. Accept me, surrender yourself to me, and follow me," Yoongi responds, his voice sweet and inviting.

"How?" you inquire, your voice trembling with uncertainty.

"Take my hand and let go of doubt. I'm here for you, whether you're alive or dead. I'm here for you," he reassures.

If this is a dream, you tell yourself, you'll be able to wake up. If it's not... Well, what could go wrong? After all, you are one step closer to death with every passing minute. With this realization, you reach out and grasp Yoongi's hand, and a smile graces his lips.

Suddenly, you feel an intense pull, so strong that it immediately pulls you into Yoongi's embrace. Your hands rest on his chest as his arms envelop your fragile frame.

"Ready?" he asks, and you nod, a mix of apprehension and curiosity coursing through you.

In an instant, the darkness transforms, and the bright hospital lights reappear, You turn around, only to see yourself lying in the hospital bed, eyes closed, machines beeping incessantly. Confusion floods your mind once more as you gaze at the doctors and nurses scurrying around.

"Doctor Kim?" you call out, seeking answers. You observe their frantic movements and hear their voices, but it's all a blur.

"We are in the in-between. You have fallen into a deep sleep. Your doctor is trying to figure out what's happening. You are in no danger, my dearest. I promise you this," Yoongi explains, his voice filled with reassurance.

You contemplate the reality before you, your physical body lying in the hospital bed while your soul remains in Yoongi's grasp.

"What's going to happen now?" you inquire, unsure of what to make of Yoongi, still uncertain about his true nature.

"Now, we shall discuss my terms, and you can make your decision. Agreed?" Yoongi's tender smile reassures you, and you respond with a nod. "Good girl," he murmurs, his left hand rising as his fingers interlock with a resounding clash. Suddenly, everything around you freezes— the doctor, the nurses, the incessant beeping. All movement comes to a halt, and Yoongi releases his hold on you. His hand gestures conjure a chair out of thin air. "Please, have a seat, dearest," he invites, and you obediently walk towards the chair, quickly taking your place.

You gaze at Yoongi, taking in his appearance. Only now do you notice the subtle changes in the way he is dressed. In the elevator, he had on a don sleek, elegant suit. During his second visit, your memory is hazy, but you recall him in a simple white dress shirt. Now, however, he exudes a more mystical aura. Clad in black leather pants and a satin or silk black blouse, adorned with silver jewelry on his ears and neck, he dons a cloak that adds an air of enchantment to his presence. He appears mystical, magical, and undeniably dangerous.

As Yoongi effortlessly conjures another chair, a sense of awe washes over you. This chair, unlike the one you are currently seated on, is larger and grander, exuding an air of royalty. It stands in stark contrast to your humble seat, almost as if it belongs in a different realm altogether. The sheer opulence of the throne-like chair captivates your attention, drawing your eyes to its intricate design. The wood is adorned with exquisite carvings, each stroke telling a story of its own., The rich deep red velvet cushion beckons you, promising comfort fit for a king or queen.

At this moment, you can't help but feel a pang of insignificance. Your simple chair, reminiscent of those hastily set up at corporate events, appears feeble and unremarkable in comparison. It's as though the stark contrast between the two chairs symbolizes a looming judgment about to be passed upon you.

"Nothing like that," Yoongi quickly dismisses, his voice laced with humility. "This is not a throne, for I am not worthy of such grandeur. I am merely a pawn in a much greater game." His words strike a chord within you, resonating with a sense of vulnerability.

A surge of curiosity and astonishment fills your being as you gaze into his eyes, searching for answers. "You read my mind?" you ask, unable to conceal your astonishment.

A knowing smile plays upon Yoongi's lips as he nods gently. "I see it all," he admits, his voice carrying the weight of ancient wisdom. "Your dreams, your nightmares, your deepest desires, and even your darkest curses. They are all laid bare before me."

As his words sink in, a mix of wonder and trepidation courses through your veins. The realization that Yoongi possesses the ability to delve into the depths of your consciousness leaves you both intrigued and vulnerable. It is as if he holds a key to unlock the most intimate corners of your soul, a power that both fascinates and unnerves you.

"You are like... omnipotent?" you ask, your voice tinged with a mix of awe and curiosity.

Yoongi's lips curl into a smirk once again, his finger lightly brushing against his bottom lip. His demeanor seems to shift, almost appearing shy for a moment. "You could say so, yes," he responds, his voice carrying a hint of mystery. "I possess a series of abilities, and while I am indeed eternal, I am not immortal."

The revelation leaves you momentarily speechless as you consider the implications. "So, you are a god?" you question, seeking clarification.

He chuckles softly, the sound carrying a sense of nostalgia. "A god, perhaps, yes" he muses. "There are several others like me. It has been many yesterdays since someone called me by that name."

The realization that Yoongi is not just an ordinary being, but a being with god-like powers, fills the air with an aura of enchantment. You find yourself in the presence of something beyond mortal comprehension, an entity that has witnessed countless ages and is now sharing its presence with you. It makes you feel somewhat special. Yet confused even more.

"What do you want from me then?" you wonder aloud. You can't help but question why someone like you, who is not particularly special or remarkable in any way, has been chosen for this encounter. Even your current condition, though unfortunate with the looming presence of a brain tumor, doesn't make you stand out among the many other humans out there. So, you find yourself pondering the reason behind it all.

"Call it fate, or maybe I'm just a bit bored with the routine. I don't know," Yoongi chuckles, his amusement evident. "I say fate, but I wouldn't attribute our encounter solely to my brother."

"Your brother? Fate... your brother is fate?" you ask, seeking clarification.

Yoongi nods, his expression serious. "One of the other... gods, as you would call us. Fate, or as I personally know him, Hoseok. I would like to believe that he didn't meddle in my affairs, but I can't be completely certain."

The revelation that Yoongi's brother is intertwined with the concept of fate adds another layer of intrigue to your conversation. Gods. Fate. It all feels like a whirlwind of surrealism, a tale that surpasses even the wildest fantasies you've ever encountered in books. Your mind is brimming with so many questions, and a thirst for understanding that seems insatiable.

"How many gods exist out there?" you inquire, your voice filled with curiosity and anticipation, eager to unlock the secrets of the divine.

"Many..." Yoongi's response is brief, yet it reverberates with an air of mystery and untold tales, leaving you even more intrigued.

"And what role do you play in this world of the divine?" You ask with a twinge of sarcasm "If your brother Hoseok is the god of fate, what are you the god of?" you press on, unable to resist the allure of Yoongi's presence and the enigma that surrounds him.

A mischievous chuckle escapes Yoongi's lips, weaving its spell around you, captivating your senses and drawing you deeper into his world.

"Lost souls, death, life, and everything in between," he reveals, each word dripping with an intoxicating blend of power and mystery as if he holds the keys to the very essence of existence itself.

"Like the Grim Reaper?" You ask "Do you gather souls and guide them to the underworld?"

"Grim reaper?" Yoongi chuckles, a sound that resonates with a captivating enchantment, his smile revealing a glimpse of his delicate gums, making his appearance more human, and less dangerous. "You could refer to me as such. I am indeed the collector of souls, but only those deemed deserving."

"And who determines who is deserving? What must one do to catch your attention?" you press further, eager to unravel the intricacies of his divine judgment.

"My dearest... I fear these inquiries lead us down a path we should not tread, at least not in this moment," Yoongi's voice takes on a mystical hue, his words carrying a weight of wisdom and caution. "I have halted time, solely for you. But this recess is finite. I cannot halt its flow indefinitely."

You gaze upon the frozen figures of the people you know, their movements suspended in time, a testament to Yoongi's power. He has orchestrated this moment, this pause in the world, for you to truly listen, and to make a decision that will shape your future.

"Okay, I apologize. It's just that all of this feels..." you begin, your voice trailing off, struggling to find the right words to capture the surreal nature of the situation.

"Surreal?" Yoongi interrupts, his eyes penetrating your very being. You nod in agreement, unable to deny the overwhelming sense of wonder that engulfs you.

"Indeed, my dearest. Even for a creature as inquisitive as yourself, this world is a boundless tapestry, far too vast to comprehend in such a fleeting moment," Yoongi's voice carries an ethereal quality, the way his words move, as if he holds the key to unraveling the mysteries of the universe, and probably he does. "But don't you worry my dearest, for I shall guide you, help you grasp the unfathomable. That is, of course, if you accept my demands and allow me to take your hand, returning your life to its rightful course."

You nod, a heaviness settling in your throat as you become acutely aware of the gravity of the moment. This is the turning point, the opportunity to alter the course of your life forever.

"I am here, listening," you utter, gathering your courage and taking a deep breath.

Yoongi, the embodiment of mystique, acknowledges your readiness. He leans forward, his body curving with an otherworldly grace, resting his elbows on his thighs and cradling his chin in his hands. A profound aura surrounds him as he speaks, his voice carrying the weight of countless ages. "If you seek to rid yourself of this... affliction, I require a payment," he states, his words dripping with enigmatic power.

Confusion etches across your face, your brows furrowing in perplexity. "A payment? What can I possibly offer to a god?" you inquire, your voice trembling with a mix of awe and uncertainty.

A chuckle escapes Yoongi's lips, its resonance carrying the echoes of forgotten realms. "Ah, my little doll, I have grown weary and bored. Centuries have passed since I last tended to a human," he muses, his voice the carrying weight of countless experiences. "I have been called by many names, subjected to curses and accusations. It falls upon me to discern who is deserving of my care and who shall suffer in Mingyu's grasp."

"Mingyu?" you interject, your curiosity piqued.

Yoongi chuckles once more, the sound tinged with a mixture of amusement and wisdom. "The god of the underworld, darling. The almighty protector of those souls deemed unworthy, those who find no solace in death," he explains, his words painting a vivid picture of the divine realm.

Your mouth forms an "o" of wonder, the revelation of a vast and intricate divine world leaving you in awe. "And what is it that you want from me?" you inquire, your voice filled with a mixture of curiosity and trepidation.

"To judge," Yoongi declares, a mischievous smirk adorning his face.

"Judge? Whom?" you ask, your voice trembling with uncertainty.

"The souls. It is you who shall decide, on my behalf of course, who is deserving of my attention and who shall wither in Mingyu's realm," Yoongi reveals, his eyes gleaming with an otherworldly intensity. "And I will take care of you; body and soul my dearest"

Your eyes widen, overwhelmed by the weight of such a responsibility. "I... I cannot do that! How... no! It's beyond my capabilities, I could never... such responsibility, no" you protest, your voice trembling with a mix of fear and disbelief.

But Yoongi doesn't falter; his eyes fixate on your trembling form with an intensity that feels like a storm brewing. The mischievous smirk on his lips fades, replaced by a gaze that holds the weight of ancient secrets. "Shall I grant you some time?" he asks, his voice carrying a mystical undertone.

You shake your head, your voice filled with desperation. "No! I... I cannot do that. I could never..."

Yoongi lets out a weary sigh, his breath mingling with the ethereal air around you. "Very well, then. I shall grant you a week," he states, his words resonating with an otherworldly power. "For one week, you shall be spared from the grasp of death."

"What?!" you exclaim, your voice a mix of disbelief and astonishment. "I don't need a week. I can't do that I–"

Yoongi raises his hand, adorned with a ring that seems to hold a glimmer of ancient magic. His finger points behind you, towards your motionless body lying on the hospital bed. "You were destined to meet your demise in precisely 24 hours. I offer you this week to contemplate my demands. Should you reject them... I shall not claim your soul, my dearest."

Your eyes widen in horror, the realization of an eternal decay settling upon you. "So, you would condemn me? To suffer forever?"

"Indeed," Yoongi replies, his voice a whisper that sends shivers down your spine. Your heart races and a wave of dizziness washes over you. "One week, my little doll," he declares, and with a swift snap of his fingers, you are pulled backward into the unknown.

[echoes-lighthouse]

Freakiest Thing Each Of My Selfships Is Into <3

I was just scrolling through the tag and remembered how much I fucking love hearing about other people's niche kinks so I decided to make a post about the weirdest side of my selfships :D

My platonic selfships are of course excluded and my nostalgia selfships are also excluded because they're weird enough without adding extra kinks to them. Also, most of these are focused on my f/os rather than my s/is because I'm like 90% ace but still interested in kink and also fictional sex with my f/os.

Anyways they're under the readmore because I don't tend to post n$fw on this blog so I don't expect everyone to have the tags blocked! Please dni if under 18, etc

Jester- she likes being free-use on occasion so we'll have nice big parties with her on a table and everyone is well-trained on the rules and her safewords and she gets dicked down proper and I tell her she's doing a great job

Tate- absolutely rampant mommy kink, which wouldn't be quite so weird if his mother didn't live next door :I

Himiko- feral kitten play, baby! Especially if we're showing off for the other LoV members, we go full kitty mode and draw lots of blood and tumble around together and have fun

Tomura- age play in all of the most extremes: diapers and bottles and gloves that curl his fingers into a fist so he can't use his quirk or his hands, poor baby

Toshi- we're like 80% vanilla but we have done a couple of me-as-student, him-as-teacher roleplays that get us both going partially because of how absolutely taboo it is for both of us

Zero- uhhhh, it's Rick Sanchez I don't know what the craziest could possibly be? we have a lot of public sex at those kinds of parties, or on planets where that's the norm. I like to control him while he's having sex with someone else, tell him exactly what to do while he pleases them. OH, we do consensual non-consent scenes and somnophilia scenes, that's probably the wildest stuff maybe?

Val- the extremely vore-adjacent experience of having sex in someone else's body: the intimacy of making love in their bloodstream, nestled against a single red blood cell

Grell- blood play that is not safe or sane, but very much consensual: we got a little carried away one time and I almost bled out afterwards but I was okay: she's vicious with a scalpel, what can I say? My beloved half of Jack the Ripper.

Cecil- our relationship is 95% platonic but he's had a few phases where he's worked up enough to use me: it's kind of a sex doll situation where I'm not very active and I keep to a smaller form and let him do whatever he wants

Tumblr- we're still in the experimentation phase! nothing too wild in this relationship: she has a bit of a daddy kink (and a praise kink) but that's about it.

Monokuma- exhibitionism, baby, I'm out here doing a solo show for the cameras until I get some sweet bear loving. Technosexuality, I suppose? I would like to make him overheat ^-^

Death- hmmm, just some body worship: I could eat her out for hours and I think I do, when she lets me. Cock warming if she's got one for the day.

Gertrude- not very exciting: lots of cliche artsy lesbian things like oils and massages, waxplay and foodplay, painting each other nude and overflowing the bath by accident when we're cleaning up

Dirk- plushophilia, dubious consent, and forced orgasms: control over the other person's orgasm is one of the ultimate powers in our relationship and it swings both ways in turn

Jonah- *chanting* desk sex, desk sex, desk sex... cockwarming and powerplay. he takes out his frustration over bad business deals on me and I'm very ready for it, but sometimes I put up a fight just so he can wear himself out a bit more getting me where he wants me

Which do you think is the wildest?? I think I'm too close to really choose. You should do this with your selfships also if you'd like to!! I really do like hearing about characters and people's niche kink preferences and I think selfship/kink crossovers are something I don't see enough of.