#You've done something very VERY wrong
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fic posting again, whoops!! consider this a little taste of what's to come, i guess
#BECAUSE LIKE. UGH i'm VERY normal about thomas and arthur i NEVER post abt them but like#UGHHHHI HAVE THOUGHTS#like. imagine having to watch your best friend waste away after the death of his son. imagine having to see him crumple#in real time. imagine being the person he leans on for support. imagine him taking you for a LIAR. imagine him being mad at you#for something you didn't even do. imagine him KILLING you. your BEST FRIEND just killed you.#imagine him stuffing your soul into a machine. imagine him DISRESPECTING your dead body like that.#imagine not seeing him for 40 years. imagine being able to soak in your anger and rage about it.#imagine your best friend being there during the LOWEST point in your life. imagine him being like a rock for you. he'll do ANYTHING for you#so it's not out of the question to ask him to watch your family while you take time to yourself.#imagine noticing how... close he's getting with your wife. how strangely *close* they are now.#imagine seeing him standing in front of the charred remains of your home. the home he was SUPPOSED to keep safe.#imagine killing him. taking his life in the most violet way you can manage. imagine not entirely being yourself in that moment#imagine realizing what you've done. imagine bringing him back but it's all... wrong.#imagine running back into him DECADES later. and the first words out of his mouth to you are “ what the fuck did you do. ”#i just. GOD. UGH.#bonnie does art!!#andy's apple farm#thomas eastwood#arthur king#and like. i guess#andy the apple#claus the clock#considering they're being used as vessels for thomas n arthur
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OH YEAH. okay one thing I DO want to talk about from Skyfall. That I think we should be talking about more. is the "he went into the priest hole for TWO (2) DAYS" thing.
I had like. known that was A Thing, but ig didn't see or forgot what it looked like. but the first look at it I was like. whoa. this is.... how do I say. like there's something visceral and primal and primitive about it just being bare rock. and I made a comment about how insane that is, and esp seeing the mine/cave-like rock and the thought of TWO DAYS down there.. that it's sth "like returning to some sort of primordial earthly womb (tomb)"
but then later they showed that the priest hole is NOT just like a bolthole. but a whole-ass tunnel system!!! EXTRA wild! what was Bond doing down there? WHERE exactly was he in the priest hold then? Was he hunkered down in some corner? Was he wandering around the caves like some sort of primordial spectre.
also there's something interesting/cool about it being like. seemed like it was just going to be a bolthole, and then they revealed it was this whole-ass tunnel system. Skyfall has a lot of maze/hidden/hiding symbolism, and there's something interesting about there being this, like. hidden earthly labyrinth at the heart/hearth/underneath Skyfall.
also the idea of baby Bond wandering a stone labyrinth under the very bones of his ancestral home after the death of his parents... and the whole when he came out he wasn't a boy anymore or whatever it was exactly Kincade said.... hmmm......... Minotaur? Minotaur vibes perhaps? I think there is something here- I think there's something to be said about hidden monstrosity/adversity bringing out monstrosity in us, plus the whole nature/nurture question of like, Bond and HIS "nature," was he born brutal or was he made brutal
(by his career, by his forging as a 00 agent, by M's machinations-- speaking of machinations. but okay god the way she. Manages him... I DO think there's a lot of interesting parts throughout the movies but there was a particular moment in Skyfall when she was like. hunt them down. for Ronson. like ggngng that was like. the emotional equivalent of those loop/stick leashes they use to capture stray dogs.... lowering the loop around his neck and tightening... and then once it's tightened she can move him around cuz it's a stick and not just a rope leash, she can literally physically lead him...) (and also the nature/nurture question of Silva's rats thing)
#halfbaked00q dot edu#Skyfall posting#there's also a lot of interesting things we can analyze here abt the way Bond does or doesn't make eye contact#I think this is one of those 'soul looks like it wandered away from his body' movies#the way he is SO locked in with Severine in that convo... it's soo interesting#and the way he's like. kinda absent/going thru the motions w Moneypenny... until she puts that finger under his chin....#I also do rly like the way they kept it ambiguous if they slept together or not#although it does mean that Doylistically I think that means they shoehorned in the sleeping w Severine thing#cuz that's like. What Bond Should Do (sleep with hot chicks) but it didn't FIT with the previous scene I don't think....#although perhaps there's something interesting to read into like#she's a victim of the sex trade. he's a casualty of the need for sexspionage & 'by any means necessary'#and both of them in that moment were doing 'what they were supposed to' (I almost said what they were told lol. but I mean. ig that's not#wrong either? just like. what they were told. but doylistically)#so yeah I DO think there are interesting things in Skyfall that we could dig into more#that I don't think I've reaaally seen done or maybe done a lot of in fandom#although. you know me. I think the whole digging into the tension/fracture points in Bond's character are soo interesting. and so underdone#I think it's easy to just go with Bond as a whole character but to ME it's like. he has SO many stress points and fractures and#contradictions in his character. and that to me makes it sooo interesting#cuz it's present and it DOES cause tension/problems/trauma/etc#but also he's very like. brutally practical about it lmao! like. *shrug* strap my ribs in and keep walking cuz I gotta#or like. balances the knife edge of his contradictions and threads the needle of Remaining Functional#he's the machine that has been jury-rigged and patched up so many times that it's like. actually DON'T service it cuz you'll just#make it worse... like uhh water heaters that have never been drained - DON'T drain it cuz the limescale is probably what is keeping it#together and if you drain it you may actual reveal corrosion that is only being held together by the build-up#or like the car thing of like. if you've never changed your transmission fluid then the only thing keeping it running is the metal debris#and if you change it then actually it loses that debris that lets it catch and start and then you need a new transmission#sth like that
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interesting to think about how constantine isn't commonly read as being the most morally upright of characters, and that's generally a fair assessment. but at the same time he can still be a surprisingly ethical character, particularly in terms of the values he holds synonymous with being a good community member.
a couple examples of (what i think are) his most consistently held values throughout the hellblazer series:
constantine feels very strongly about things like defending people's bodily autonomy and showing kindness & compassion towards society's more vulnerable demographics, especially kids & unhoused people.
he frequently & sincerely upholds the basic principles of xenia (showing hospitality towards foreigners, guests, and anyone whose fate is in your hands), and possesses a deep, innate sense of justice that he is unafraid to uphold when he feels it necessary to do so.
he personally values survival above honor but still has a healthy appreciation for people that are committed to a code,
he respects integrity more than he'd respect a good liar (even if he fucking hates you, at least you're being true to yourself; can't help it if yourself is just a prick),
and he is CONSTANTLY PLAGUED by a deeply personal sense of social responsibility to try and nip potential threats to the world, to his city, or to his friends in the bud if he thinks it might be within his capabilities to do so.
of course, it's key to note that constantine's code of ethics was also founded primarily in accordance with the principles of '70s-'80s counterculture + still largely abides by the social beliefs of the same-era punk community, and thus also includes more subjectively-judged tenets such as challenging the establishment, defying the government, protecting individual liberties, taking direct action in support of your community, putting people above possessions at every turn, and actively addressing social issues wherever / whenever you encounter them. so he's not always viewed by other characters (particularly upper-class bootlicking ones) as being particularly ethical. doesn't change the fact that constantine still adamantly maintains certain major ethical principles in accordance with the social systems he inhabits and was raised in.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN.#don't @ me for referencing xenia si spurrier has nothing to do with this. i just love the concept#i had a very interesting twofold coincidence that led to this post (well. interesting to me probably very mundane all told)#was rereading hellblazer 12 and when ritchie demanded that john find him a body to hop into? john's response was verbatim:#'a body? jesus mate. hang about. don't you think there might be a question of ethics here?'#and i giggled at that a little bc john constantine? ethics? come on now. but it made sense given his own struggles w/ autonomy#but then i saw a post later on that read 'let's do something unethical together. just for fun' and thought it was silly#and when i went to reblog it for john i stopped and thought about it and realized. no he wouldn't find that very fun actually#cue rabbit hole into morality vs ethics with a side jaunt into what the hell is moral nihilism#plus a dash of key recurring themes in hellblazer (bodily autonomy. standing up to injustice. compassion towards the vulnerable.)#i may be getting ahead of myself but i now think compounding morality + ethics into a uniform behavioral monolith#or else mistaking one for the other. Might Be a very big reason why john gets SO mischaracterized in later dc adaptations#like yes! he often has to resort to behavior / making decisions that are (to us) Obviously Morally Wrong in order to save the world#sacrificing gary lester to a demon. leaving ritchie trapped in a computer. lying to get baron winters' help against the brujeria.#and yes! that Morally Wrong behavior can and does involve causing harm to the people around him (albeit usually inadvertently)#Doesn't! Mean! He Has! No Sense! of Decency! or Empathy! or Right! or Wrong! just because he Had to Resort to an Immoral Act!#there were still Valid or at least Understandable Ethical Reasons behind ALL THREE EXAMPLES i just listed above!!!#that's why two of those examples are GUT-WRENCHING!! bc he betrayed his moral beliefs in support of his ethical principles!!#i can punch someone in the face and still feel compelled by my cultural norms to help a little old lady cross the street right after!!#upon reflection: whoa nelly. i fear i am getting needlessly heated over this. Anyways#if you've followed me for a bit you're already aware of how i feel about the continued mischaracterization of constantine in media lmao#i've said my piece. i've done my morality and ethics homework. i can rest now#and i'll say upfront that it would be Extremely funny if i wrote all this out + later find out i've been mixing up the two. bc it would be
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genuinely people who send anon hate must be sooo miserable and bored. like seriously do you not have anything better to do than anonymously harass FANFICTION authors on TUMBLR??? like pls get a job I beg of you and also maybe a better personality. anyways ily thank you for sharing your amazing writing
REALLL SAY IT LOUDER PLEASE!!!!!
#for me it's always the fact they send it on anon. like u can try and pretend u were sending it to be helpful#or the tone got misinterpreted etc etc but you went on anon on purpose because you KNEW you were being a dick one way or another#like i truly dont care for it anymore i used to waste a lot of energy interpreting anon hate trying to figure out what id done wrong#or if their criticisms were really valid etc etc but i do not care for the benefit of the doubt anymore#in my eyes if you send something on anon with bad intentions regardless of how you've dressed the words up#then i think you are a cunt. i think youre scummy and miserable and boring and you'll wake up and cringe at your behaviour in a few years#and in the meantime you're getting blocked from my inbox at the very least <3 all the worst to you <3#ask#thanku for that last bit btw anonstie <3 ily2 we r holding hands xx
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thinking about about how interesting the themes of the battle in episode 46 were (everyone having darkness in their heart) and how it felt like a natural conclusion to what the season had been building up to and then they throw it all out for "a world with no emotions is bad"
#like. noir isn't wrong when he says everyone has darkness in their heart. that is very much a major theme of the season#episode 29 is all about yukari realizing that and accepting it (genuinely one of the most beautiful episodes btw i love it)#and that last arc is also about the cures overcoming elisio trying to tempt them into darkness#ymmv on ciel but it's very prominent in the rest#julio's arc is theoretically about being overcome by the darkness and then realizing he was wrong for that#like once again ymmv on how well it was done but that was clearly the intention. i do in fact realize that#my day be so fine... then bam. elisio ex machina#there's nothing wrong with the no emotions theme in isolation. in context though it just doesn't work because there wasn't enough buildup#justie goes insane about kirakira again#mostly for category purposes. i'm mostly just sighing over what could've been#wv unfortunately probably isn't going to touch on the light & darkness thing#mostly because i think adding it in would make it too crowded#the core theme of wv has always been redemption and second chances and figuring out what to do after you've done something horrible#and i would like to stick with that#lowkey it feels like they were going for a gopri-esque ending and then decided they didn't want to copy gopri 1:1#so they changed their homework a little but then it ended up messing up the entire equation
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Teruteru's tag gets significantly shorter once you block all the RP Blogs and the Incorrect quotes and the submission blog who's only Teruteru posts are how much anons hate him and people who draw Teruteru "redesigns" where the only change is he's thin
#Teruteru Hanamura#I love you Shorty Squad RP but jesus fucking christ y'all post a lot of Really Long Posts#RP blogs are good they're healthy I love you very personally#I just can't personally#There's alos nothing wrong with incorrect quote blogs other than their characterization of every character is very Bland all the time#And their posts are long as hell.#Literally saw two- TWO different Teruteru 'redesigns' where he was in the same outfit with the same round cheek close eyed face#But Thin#Like why bother at that point?? At least change his outfit or hairstyle or??? Something????#At least like??? Have a unique artstyle???? Or SOMETHING????#You have made his default design but worse is all you've done#I'm a hate I apologize.
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oh my god i should reread one of the bailey school kids books. it would be so funny
#i used to love them but then at some point around 3rd grade i reached a critical mass of Bailey School Kids Books Read#and realized that the kids were never EVER going to figure out conclusively whether one of the Suspicious Adults was actually a cryptid#and i was SO ANGRY. the BETRAYAL!!!!#like. ok. i lean perhaps unfairly towards disliking ambiguous endings#HOWEVER. this was not that. this was little 8-year-old me realizing they'd been stringing me along for like 15 books#these narratives DO NOT FOLLOW THROUGH on their CORE PROMISE. like if you look at the blurbs:#''Could this man really be Santa Claus? The Bailey School Kids are going to find out!''#NO THEY'RE FUCKING NOT!!! THEY NEVER FIND OUT!!!! NEVER EVER EVER#(ok i don't know this for a fact. i didn't read all of them. but i would be shocked if i was wrong here)#i went from ''i love this book series!'' to loathing basically overnight#really funny in hindsight ghsdlkgmsdlmk. baby bookworm moments#AUTHOR YOU MADE ME A PROMISE!!! IT WAS BUILT IN TO THE NARRATIVE#BUT YOU HAD TO END EVERY BOOK LIKE ''guess we'll never know! *wink*'' INSTEAD OF FOLLOWING THROUGH#YOU BUILT YOUR SERIES ON A FOUNDATION OF LIES AND DISAPPOINTMENT#they didn't have to is the thing!!!!#like. okay i get why they couldnt have a ''this teacher is a werewolf!'' reveal. it would make it difficult to continue the series#but they could have the kids find out he ISNT a werewolf!!! i would have been on board with that. it's like scooby doo!#scooby doo still works after a million episodes even though you know it's going to be some jerk in a costume every time#side note i think scooby doo on zombie island should never have happened. it goes against the premise of scooby doo#side side note i also usually dislike when people mix sherlock holmes with ''oooh it was ACTUALLY A GHOST'' type stuff#they're trying to spice it up but they're misunderstanding the appeal of the thing#there are ways to add supernatural elements well though. angel of the crows does it#the hellhounds and werewolves and everything werent a problem because they followed rules and weren't like. a shock#that part of it was very well-done. i really liked the setting. on the other hand some books try to do a thing like#''sherlock holmes finds out he DOESNT actually understand the world!! and the supernatural is REAL'' booooring i am BORED this is DULL#side side side note i hate jack the ripper stories. whys everyone who does sherlock holmes want to do a jack the ripper case#wow you've put the most famous late victorian detective and the most famous late victorian serial killer together. so original#at least have the decency to change the name or something. come on#personal#bookposting
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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Alexa Google how to cope with seeing your mother's body in the mirror when you've always found her beautiful but she's been calling her body disgusting, shameful, unattractive and needing to be fixed since you were a kid.
#idk it's like. the same feeling you got as a kid when you got a D on a test because you were too busy mourning your grandma to study#but the only grades allowed in your household are A+; A and A- (on thin fucking ice). like it's the same sinking feeling of impending doom#where you know you've done nothing wrong but you also know for a fact that you are in danger and maybe you should run away#forever or kill yourself because hey both are better options than whatever your parents will do to you and if YOU kill yourself#at least you won't be horribly berated all the way through. like it's the feeling of knowing it isn't wrong or a failure#but not knowing how to prove it to the world. like the problem aren't your feelings about the thing the problem is the environment's#reaction to it. you know it will be bad and that's a fact. you know there are very few things keeping you relatively safe and if you#fail to keep those things up then you're not only no longer safe but in active danger#and who's going to protect you? who's going to protect you from your family? it's easier to say that you've done something wrong#i mean your mother believes it so you might as well force yourself to agree. that way you can be the bad guy. it's easy being the bad guy#it's easy to think you did something to deserve what's coming to you. it's easy to think 'i deserve it for failing to get a good grade. i#shouldn't have mourned. other people are better at this than me. it's my fault.' it's easy to think 'i deserve whatever is coming to me for#failing to have the body my mother used to like me for. i was supposed to be her trophy. i deserve it for failing to be that forever.'#sometimes it's hard to separate the world and my mother. the public may as well be my mother. the whole world might be my parents.#God might be my parents. The Universe might be God might be my parents.
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true blue by boygenius is literally so everything. like yeah that's love
#the line that's like 'you've never done me wrong except that one time that we don't talk about / but it doesn't matter anymore'#i found texts from over a year ago when my partner said something accidentally hurtful and i was asking my friends for advice#and i had like genuinely totally forgotten about it. like not in a bad way just like yeah idk it happens sometimes you're careless#and you'd think bc it is such a rare occurrence that we fight or like conflict in any way i'd remember it#but those moments always pass by so fast and get worked through so easily#idk... i've definitely like emotionally stabilized in the last year#this time last year i was extremely anxious abt our relationship like near-constantly and i just sooo dont feel that anymore#it was (relatively) new and felt scary and felt very high-stakes and uncertain for no reason but now im just like we ball#'it feels good to be known so well / i can't hide from you like i hide from myself'#idk i feel like we've made something very beautiful and very simple but also very intricate . love is nice#i feel so cringe writing all this but whatever my blog is cringe#note to come back to this when i write an anniversary card
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simon knows something is wrong as soon as he comes home. (a little 18+, f!reader)
you're sitting on the floor of the living room. there's acrylic paint in your hair, and you're crying, eyes red and puffy cheeks wet. you're sitting around a floor of strewn about toddler toys, and you're rubbing your chest in the way that simon knows means your breasts are sore.
he shuts the door behind himself. there's dishes piled up in the sink. he smells something that's burnt. the kitchen table is littered with remnants still from breakfast, and there's clean laundry still piled up in the basket, forgotten next to the couch.
"wot the fuck is happenin'?"
you jump a little when you hear his voice, as if it's the first time you've noticed something in your house is different. you want to smile at him, but it falls short. simon kicks his boots off, hanging his jacket up, and he lets out a deep breath as he kneels down in front of you.
"hey, baby," he murmurs. you sniffle, wiping your face, and simon cups your cheeks to make you look at him. "wot happened?"
"he hates me," you whisper. "h-he hates me, simon, h-he said it."
"who hates ya, swee'eart?"
"joe," you whine. "i told him...i told him you wouldn't be here for supper, and he..." you start to cry. "he said he hates me. he wants you, he only wants you. he hates me..."
simon sucks on his teeth under the mask, shaking his head.
"mm...and where's our sweet girl then?"
"s-sleeping."
"havin' a nap?" he kisses you softly. "olright. time to pump, huh, love?" he cups under your breast tenderly, rubbing over your sore nipple. you sigh, nodding, and he nudges his nose against yours. "olright. you 'ave a go. take a nice bath. have somethin' ta eat."
you collapse against his chest in a fit of soft tears. he wraps an arm around your shoulders, holding you close, and he rubs your back gently.
"we'll 'ave a chat," simon murmurs. "sort this out."
"i-i'm sorry, simon."
"no need ta be sorry, baby. i've got it."
"i...i wanted to have it, too. i wanted..."
simon rubs a thumb over your face gently.
"you do, baby. you've got it. i know you do. there now, that's a girl..."
it takes a few minutes to get you to go into your shared bedroom. when he sees you relaxed as you get your breast bump, he makes his way down the hall, to where your son's bedroom door is just ajar.
when he pushes it open, it creaks. simon sighs as he sees your little boy sitting on the carpet, playing with his trains. he's quiet, which is unusual; when he comes home, normally his son is bounding towards him, jumping up and down, so happy and excited to see his father. now, he looks shy, and he won't acknowledge him.
"oi," simon murmurs gently. "that a way to greet me, lad?"
his son just shrugs. he looks up at him, the picture of shame, and simon closes the door behind him as he takes a seat on the little bed. it creaks under his great weight, but it holds up. simon looks positively funny—he takes up most of the bed, and he has to hunch over to get closer to his son.
"i missed you very much. been gone awhile, haven't i?"
his son just shrugs again.
"'n i come home, and i see y'r mum covered in rubbish, very upset. would y'like ta tell me wot tha's about? huh, joe?"
his son, predictably, just shrugs.
"y'r mum thinks y'hate her," simon continues. "tha' true?"
shrug.
"oi," simon's voice hardens, but it's still gentle. "i'm havin' a conversation with you, lad. i'd like it very much if y'gave me y'r attention."
joe finally stops touching his trains. he sniffles, looking up at simon, and simon tilts his head to the side. when they meet eyes, simon tries to be less intimidating. he wants his son to know he's done something wrong, but he doesn't want to scare him.
"y'r mum thinks you hate her. tha' true?" he asks again. when joe shakes his head, simon narrows his eyes. "then why'd ya say it?"
"wanted a lolly."
"uh huh. but mummy said it was supper time, didn't she?"
"yeah."
"so you hate her?"
"no."
"then why'd ya say it?"
"i dunno," joe shrugs. he frowns a little, thinking, and simon is satisfied with this reaction. punishing joe never works; taking away his toys, his coloring books, playtime, it never works. joe is like you—too smart for his own good. he learns when he's confronted with the truth. "i wanted..."
"ya wanted to hurt her," simon finishes. "like you think she hurt you."
joe turns back to his trains. simon sits up, taking a deep breath.
"one day," simon murmurs, "y'r gonna love someone the way i love y'r mummy."
"i am?" joe is interested. he turns his head a little, blinking up at his dad, and simon just nods. realistic. honest.
"right," simon tells him. "y'r gonna love them 'n y'r gonna wanna protect them, like i want to protect y'r mum. you can't stop everyone from hurtin' them, but i would hope that at least it...wouldn't be family. tha's y'r mum, mate. i remember when y'were the size of a tiny bean, inside of her tummy, yeah? she was so happy. 'n when y'were born, she cried so much. said y'were the most wonderful thing, said she would love you more than anythin', more than me." simon chuckles. "was a bit jealous of ya for a bit, won't lie. 'n she does. loves you with all of herself. tells me all the time."
"she does?" joe's eyes are big and bright now. he feels bad. he's sad.
"tha's right," simon mutters. "'n when i'm gone, i'm not here to protect y'r mum, so i thought you'd be a big help, but here we are, joe. 'n y'r mine, mate, all mine, but y'r mum is special to me, y'hear tha'? she's my special girl. my special girl tha' loves you more than herself, so i need you to go tell her y'r sorry, and i need you to mean it."
joe stands up onto his little legs, and simon watches as he toddles over to simon. simon scoops him up into a big hug, and joe wraps his arms around his neck and buries his face into his shoulder.
"i'm sorry," joe whimpers, and simon rubs his little head gently. "i-i don't hate her, i-i got...m-mad..."
"tha's olright," simon whispers. "you can get mad. but ya can't hurt y'r mum. she does oll the heavy liftin' when 'm gone, and...can't do tha'. won't 'ave it."
"i-i won't. i-i won't anymore—"
"good lad..."
when it's quiet in the house, and the babies are sleeping, simon is rubbing lotion into your hands gently. you're tired from feeding the baby, and you're tired from scrubbing the paint out of your hair, but now simon is home, and he's here, and your son sobbed in your arms blubbering about how much he loves you, how he's sorry.
"you come home, and everything..." you sniffle, "everything just gets better again. i-i...why am i so bad at this, simon?"
"you're not bad," simon tells you. "i'm the bastard, baby. the one leavin' ya here...all alone..." he sighs. he pushes your hair out of your face, thumbing at your cheek. "work so hard, love. make my life so easy."
"easy?" your eyes water. you reach up and clutch his forearm, leaning into him. "what you do is so hard, simon. a-and...and so scary."
simon shakes his head, meeting your eyes. you look tired. you look beautiful, but you look tired, and he feels it—he knew one day he would feel it, but he didn't realize that day would come so soon. it's time. it's time for him to come home. it's time to put the papers in, to stomach the desk job, to bite the bullet, because he won't leave you and come back like this. not again. he can't do it. not to you.
"my pretty girl," simon mutters. he licks over his teeth, moving his hand lower to cup your jaw in a big palm. you arch up to meet him, fisting his shirt, and you open your mouth as he bends to kiss you. his tongue is hot against yours; he devours you from the inside out, kissing you wet and eager. you whimper softly, sinking into him, and he smiles into the kiss when he feels you nearly liquefy underneath him. "open, swee'eart."
you do. you let your jaw hinge and mouth fall open, and you accept his fingers easily. you tongue at the pads of his fingers, closing your mouth around them and sucking softly. when he removes them, he slips them under the shirt you wear, where he finds you soft and warm and wet between the thighs. he tucks his fingers under the gusset of your panties, and he feels all the blood swell into his cock when he has to feel between a nearly full bush to find your puffy clit.
"didn't want to touch it while you were gone," you whisper.
"yeah?" simon smirks, slipping two fingers inside of you. his thumb keeps its place on your clit, and your toes curl as you leak onto his palm. "why's tha', love?"
"b-because...because..."
"cause why, baby?"
"cause...c-cause it's yours, simon. your pussy."
"tha's right," simon hums. "my pussy."
#baby number 3 conceived THAT night fr fr#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#ghost mw2#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost mwii#ghost x reader#cod#call of duty#simon riley smut#simon ghost riley smut#simon thoughts
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①INCH BY INCH ⸻ park sunghoon ◜teaser◞
OUT NOW: read here
you have a boyfriend gifted with a pornstar cock, but he refuses to use it on you, too scared he'll end up hurting you. so your best shot is to devise a plan to get him to crumble, and even if things don't unfold quite as expected, what matters is the result anyway... right?
starring ⋆ f!reader x park sunghoon
this work contains ⋆ smut, minors so not interact. multiple smut scenes, sunghoon being diabolically hung, my extremely poor attempts at humor, besties jaykewon, established relationship, nasty nasty shit... brat tamer sunghoon sorta kinda, some degradation but nothing crazy (i think. maybe i'm just a freak), alcohol consumption, implied driving under the influence, jealousy, slutshaming (not from hoon), a tiny bit if violence, blood, injury, and patching up said injury :3 ⸻ rules m.list
length ⋆ teaser ⸻ 1.2k words. full fic ⸻ around 15k words. hopefully less but it's me so :p
taglist ⋆ (closed!) either comment here or send me an ask! please make sure to have a visible age somewhere or i won't be able to add you.
"I just don't get why he won't stick it in me."
"You have such a way with words."
You throw a fry at your best friend, only to get more irritated when he catches it midair with his mouth. Jungwon chews it loudly with his mouth open—because he knows it annoys you to death—then washes it down with his coconut milkshake that he won't let you get a sip of because 'using the same straw as me counts as cheating now that you're dating Sunghoon'.
"Okay but why? You're a man. What's the thought process behind this? Tell me."
"Girl, it's your boyfriend. You tell me."
"What if he doesn't fine me att—" A fry hits you right on your forehead, and it's like the impact activates your brain cells, because of course Sunghoon finds you attractive, that is not the problem.
"Now, let's be honest with ourselves please. None of that shit."
Your back hits the bed with a soft thud, arms spread out as you stare at the very familiar ceiling of your room. A sight you've been taking in quite often recently, while trying to come up with a plan to get Sunghoon to dick you down good.
Jungwon shoves a fist of fries in his mouth, barely chewing before speaking again. "I don't get why it's such a big deal."
You roll onto your side, facing the blonde little gremlin occupying the space next to you. "It's a big deal because— why is your ass on my pillow. Jungwon get—"
He silences you by feeding you a handful of fries from the container on his lap. "You were saying?"
You gulp them down quickly before replying, because you're civilized enough to do so, unlike someone else. "We've done it all, and I know he's scared of hurting me, but I can also tell he's holding back. I'm ready– I've been ready. It's just… whenever I think it's gonna happen he pulls back so suddenly, like he's restraining himself."
"Mhh… you've talked to him about this, right?" Jungwon looks at you in a way that feels entirely too judgmental, like skipping the communication part is something you do often enough for it to be a pattern. Something he needs to check off of a list before he gives you more advice.
He's not completely wrong. As in, at one point in your life you had made an habit out of assuming people's thoughts and intentions, but that is in the past. And those people are not your Park Sunghoon.
[...]
"Of course I have."
"And?"
"Won, he just tells me I need more prep. I've had plenty of that, trust me. Like, he's spent the last month using this toy on—"
"Okay, okay I get it. I trust you, spare me the details."
"—Point is, I'm more than ready. I know it's gonna be uncomfortable and a bit painful at first, he's like… so huge it's—"
"I get it."
"—but that's a given with how big he is. I think it's just… him being nervous, really."
"Have you… tried to, uhm. Take charge? Maybe you calling the shots would make it easier for him to let loose." Jungwon looks down on his lap as he plays with the rings adorning his fingers.
You wouldn't say he has ever been particularly shy per se, not when it comes to discussing your sexual life, even in heavy detail. He was the boy your mother made you take a bath with after a whole day of rolling around in dirt as a kid, because his wasn't around a lot of the time. The same boy who has seen you toothless and with horrible haircuts, who has seen all your embarrassing phases.
Talking to Jungwon was much more akin to talking to yourself rather than venting to a diary, because he stored secrets in his heart that you would never be comfortable writing down on paper. Except he also calls you a dumbass when he needs to.
It's been a little different ever since you started dating Sunghoon freshly out of college, but you imagine it can't be helped since Jungwon has known both of you all his life.
You take a deep breath, shoulders slumping with the motion. Yeah, like that would ever work. "He doesn't give up dominance ever, really. I have tried a few times but…" you trail off, thoughts suddenly plagued with images of Sunghoon putting you back in your place instantly whenever you tried to take charge.
You have already given it some thought, a lot of thought, actually. What wouldn't you do to have Sunghoon under you and at your mercy, so responsive to every touch, perhaps even tied down. Yeah, you're gonna have to bring it up more seriously to him, maybe then he would let you—
"Are you seriously fantasizing about dominating your boyfriend right in front of my cheddar fries?"
But you're gonna continue that thought another time.
"Let's see then…" Jungwon continues, evidently determined to find a solution to your problem. "Maybe act out? Would that work? Mhhh… I don't know, you're already very annoying day to day and he puts up with that…so."
Jungwon genuinely looks like he is putting so much thought into it, somehow it makes it more offensive.
"Yeah. And who grew up next to him? You. Exactly. You trained his patience, if anything," you retort, but Jungwon doesn't even give you the satisfaction of acknowledging it, because you both know that you do love to be a nuisance to your boyfriend whenever you get the chance.
"Wait." Jungwon perks up after a seconds of deep thought, making the plushies on your bed fall on the floor, but the situation is so dire that you don't scold him. Instead, you cast a hopeful glance in his direction. Please let his brain cells work for once in his life.
"Isn't Hoon like, terribly jealous every time someone brings up that time you and Jay dated in high school?"
The cogs in your brain turn, and if someone was to walk into the room at that moment they would be able to smell the fumes coming out of your and Jungwon's head.
Jungwon continues, though he doesn't need to, because you have caught what he is hinting to already. "You need him to snap? What better reason to if not some good ol' jealousy. Am I right?"
But of course he is, that little gremlin genius.
"And, it just happens that a few high school acquaintances are organizing a get together soon. You know people will bring up you and Jay, just drag Hoon along. It's fate."
"Have I ever told you that you're my bestest friend ever and that I owe you my life, Won?"
#sunghoon smut#sunghoon x reader#enhypen smut#enhypen reader#enha x reader#enha smut#sunghoon fanfic#enhypen fic#enha fanfic
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Chat, y'all ever think up some story idea followed by "...This already exists, right? This is the plot of some game I've never heard about, isn't it? Surely, there's gotta be several separate game devs who've had this same idea & made their own takes on this exact premise, right?"
Meanwhile I'm nowhere near driven enough to seek out some specific thing that only maybe exists & almost certainly wouldn't be anything like I imagine.
#If you're curious what inspired this. I imagined a dating sim where you're some freak with a dead partner. & there's some demonic ritual -#stuff you're trying to use to bring them back. which requires some human body parts extracted in particular ways. so basically you go on -#dates so you can seduce victims to fatally harvest their ingredients. whilst also being involved with your lover's phantom(?) who slowly -#over the course of the game grows from a barely audible voice to an increasingly tangible being. but due to the danger of these rituals -#you must also be very careful to follow the delicate rules & warnings so that no violent presence gets you a game over. -#& finally. after coming so long. harvesting enough victims. surviving this whole rigorous endeavor... You know something is wrong. -#What you've allowed to come through was never your lover. What you've done has granted some insidious thing a body. -#Fortunately you're a very skilled killer. Plus you've basically already banished a few demons. So you get to fight back. -#Utilizing your abilities of Victim Slaughter & Butchering alongside Demon Survival & Banishment you get to destroy the demon -#Perhaps depending on the difficulty you may receive different endings upon success & maybe even another end for loss. -#These would of course choose the fate of protag & lover. Worst end you're absorbed into the demon's personal torment realm with lover. -#Mid end you successfully kill the demon but have not successfully revived your lover. Their ghost disappears after a heartfelt moment. -#Good end you harvest the demon's body for one last ritual that finally revives your lover.
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realizing i am not obligated to make art that's really fancy or professional or even like. shaded with a proper background is nice actually
like yeah i like doing that stuff sometimes but right now im just having fun doodling, not shading, nor lining my art. just kinda. drawing a few basic guidelines and then just jumping into the drawing of it. it's nice
im not currently doing art for a living or any kind of income so like why. do i have to do the stuff i'm not excited to do right now? oh yeah i don't
#art#like don't get me wrong i do like shading sometimes#and just putting a lot of time and effort until i get to a place where i'm just like !!!! really happy with the final product and i could#stare at it for a long time and be like “woah!!!!” i made that!!!“#that is a very rewarding part of art#but also it's nice to just not worry about it looking the best it could be (easier said than done i know)#it's just nice to draw#and enjoy the process and then like if it comes out really nice then hey!! awesome!!! but if it's just kind.. okay :].. then that's fine to#it's just nice to get ideas that you have out#and then there they are!! even if they're not super pretty#plus then you can always revisit that idea later and redo it and/or improve on it!! and then you'll be able to see how far you've come#and that's nice too!!!#and then you're not as likely to just. totally forget the ideas you had#“i'll remember this and be able to do something with it later” famous last words
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Honorably discharged disabled Simon, who swears he is perfectly fine and capable of doing everything himself. But it doesn’t really matter what he thinks says because Price sees differently. He sees the way Simon’s hands shake and how he’s started fidgeting when he’s never done that in the past, he can see Simon’s right side, the side that was crushed under rubble during an attack, he sees it shake and almost falter every time Simon puts even a little bit to much weight on it, but what worry’s Price the most is when Simon zones out and stops paying attention to his surroundings or whatever he’s doing. Not to mention now Simon has to go back and live in civilization, when all he’s known is military life since he was still a teen.
So although Simon claims he’s fine, Price gets him live-in-help, you. You’ve been with him the past week and although he rarely talks you’ve learned a few things. The blinds always need to be fully open unless he’s sleeping, he needs to be able to see what’s happening but it’ll keep him up when he’s trying to sleep, so they close at night. He gets very tense when he can’t see your hands, it hurts you a little to know he doesn’t trust you but you understand. He can't cook at all, unless you prepare food for him he’ll only eat a prepackaged dinner nothing else, of course that isn't healthy so you've started fixing him both breakfast and lunch which he accepts with a grunt but he doesn’t eat till you’ve started. He never takes off his mask around you unless he's eating and even still only up to his nose. Lastly you've noticed something always sparked in his eyes when you called him Simon, you haven't been able to figure out what it is so instead of risking offending him or something, you've stuck to calling him Ghost.
Price chose you for two reasons, you were quite, something he thought Simon would like, he was very wrong. It’s probably the oddest thing about him, he doesn’t like when you're super quiet you've learned it cause he doesn’t know where you are or what you’re planning the other reason is Price hired you is because you were a military nurse for quite a bit so you would always be there for Simon. This was something Simon actually did like it meant he didn’t have to leave his flat just to see a doctor, what he didn’t think about though was the cut and bruise on his face that he would have to remove his balaclava for.
“Okay Ghost” you paused not sure how he would react to having to take his mask off “I-i need you to remove your mask for me please” almost immediately he grunted out a why “because you have a cut and bruise on your face and I need to make sure it’s healing properly” Simon stilled completely for a few seconds before he slowly pulled the balaclava completely off. You took a second looking over his entire face before you brought your hand up inspecting the area “your bruise is completely gone” you whispered slightly surprised it had only been a week, you went to write it down but the moment your hand left his face he spoke up “it’s still ere, jus can’t see it” carefully your brought you hand back to his face to carefully push on his check “does that hurt” “bit” was all he grunted out, you hummed to yourself as you removed your hand and started writing, but had you been looking at him you would have seen the almost pout gracing his face.
Once you finally looked back up, placing your hand on his face “okay let’s finish this quickly” you say looking over his scar “I know I’m not that pretty but you ain’t gotta rush” he said in the quietest voice. You looked up into his eyes quickly only to find them looking back at you with what you could only describe as curiosity mixed with need “Gh-Simon that’s not what I meant, your very beautiful I just thought you wouldn't want me touching or looking at your face any more since you always hide it behind that mask” he never replied to you, just kept staring with that look in his eyes. Finally you peeled your eyes away, finished writing whatever you needed to in your book then you got up and walked away “I’m gonna fix us some lunch, okay Simon?” you called from in the kitchen already, and that’s when Simon managed to place the feeling he had been having every time he saw you. He liked you, he had a crush, a crush! “Simon?” You called again “yeah okay” he called back, he wasn’t gonna fuck this up, not when he thinks he might have found a new purpose in life.
pt 2 here
#simon x reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#medic!reader
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David Tennant interview at the British LGBT Awards, June 2024 (x)
Int: You being an ally to the community isn't something new. You've been doing it, but recently you've obviously really stepped up for trans and non-binary people in a time that's so, so needed. What made you do that?
David: I don't know that I feel like I've done anything that I wouldn't just sort of be normally doing. I mean, it's for me it's just common sense that there's there should be any suggestion that people aren't allowed to live the life they want to live and and to be who they want to be with and to express themselves wholeheartedly. I mean, as long as you aren't hurting anybody else, everybody else just needs to fucking butt out. I don't really understand why...
Int: ...it's controversial.
David: Yeah, there is and the thing... the thing, if there's something that's particularly sobering and depressing, it's that certain debates are being weaponized by certain elements of the political class, often for no... it seems it's not ideological so much as opportunistic. And I just think that's pretty disgusting, really.
Int: I couldn't agree more. What message would you like to send out to trans youth?
David: Please don't feel like you're not loved and that you're not accepted and that you're not... you know, most people in the world are good and kind and just want you to be able to be who you are. Most people in the world don't really care. I mean... you know what I mean?
Int: We're all narcissistic.
David: Exactly. Everyone's so self obsessed that really, the sort of noise that comes from a certain area of the press and of the political class is... it's a minority. It really is. And please don't let that make you feel diminished or dissuaded or discouraged, because, you know, you just... you have to be allowed to be yourself, and you are, and you are yourself and you must thrive and flourish, and we're all here for it.
Int: Amazing. I think, yeah, it's so important .I think sometimes it feels like there's so many people, but it is a minority. It's such a minority.
David: It's a tiny bunch of little whinging fuckers that are on the wrong side of history and they'll all go away soon.
Int: Like what happened with gay people 20 years ago.
David: When I was a kid, when I was a kid, exactly. You know, I was at school when Clause 28 came in and it all felt like being gay was something to be terrified of. And gay men in particular were demonised as paedophiles and now that just feels historic and ludicrous and, I mean, I don't see all those... all those battles aren't won, but we're in a very, very different place. And I feel like.I feel like history is on a progressive trajectory and it might get knocked sideways now and again by people for all sorts of reasons, which are often quite selfish and quite, as I say, not coming from a place of any sort of genuine belief system, but other than a place of opportunism. And that's something that we... I hope that in 20 years time, we're talking about, you know, these culture wars as something of the past.
Int: I believe we will. I'm a huge Doctor Who fan, so.
David: Oh, good, me too!
Int: You are my Doctor.
David: Oh, thank you very much.
Int: But recently, obviously, you came back for the 60th anniversary and you got to work with Yasmin Finney.
David: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Int: What was it like working with her?
David: Oh, she's brilliant. She's fantastic. Yeah. And she's in the show again now, she's back in it, so that's fantastic to see. She's lovely, talented, cool as a cucumber, articulate, brilliant. I learned a lot from her as an actor and also as someone who, you know, who's become a sort of de facto activist just because of who she is and where she is, and she becomes a sort of symbol of hope, and she's wonderful.
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