#You're Not Entitled To My Time No Matter How Easy They Are To Make

[bi-lil-guy]

I Wanna Be Nice But Istg Whatever Anon Has Been In My Inbox The Past Hour: Please Stop Flooding My Ask Box With Stuff About My Old Smau/Text Au Stuff.

I'm Glad You Liked Em But You're Being Hella Disrespectful And Pushy Over Something I Haven't Done For A Whole Ass Year.

Besides They're Not Coming Back To This Account.

Check My Introductory Post. I Moved Them To A Side Blog And Will Take Requests Over There If Anyone Really Want More, But Tbh This Kinda Killed Any Interest I Had.

Now Please Stop Or I'm Turning Off Asks.

[pyramid-of-starrs]

14!!!!!!

Come sit in my office

Kinktober request: 14 Crush Jongho, thighs

Pairing: Manager Jongho x Employee afab gn! reader

Summary: On the day of Halloween when you should be out with your friends getting shit faced you're stuck at work in your slutty costume. After being sent to your managers office you find out a very interesting fact about Jongho that makes you want to explore it further. But you make an embarrassing mistake that leads you into something else.

Word Count: 2.1K

Kink: Thighs

Warning: Thigh riding, thigh fucking

Minors dni

Halloween was usually super fun, dressing up going to parties, or fucking a random guy in a dumb little costume, but not this year. You were finally selected to be one of the few workers at your retail job in the mall to work the night shift for Halloween. Usually, you wouldn't be upset about shifts, but since the mall owner is super into Halloween every year, he would have the Mall and stores stay open till 11 pm instead of 8 pm to hand out candy to kids and help parents get last-minute costume supplies. In your 2 years working at the store you were able to dodge Halloween hell shift, the name given by all the other employees, but 3rd times the charm huh? Though it sounds easy and simple it's usually bratty and entitled kids with their rude or super-stressed parents. After begging everyone to take the shift and ending up with no luck you just bit the bullet and stayed, at least you still got to dress up, but of course this year you chose to be a slutty murdered school girl, oh well.

After hours of dealing with kids and getting judgy side eyes from parents as you folded clothes with your coworker, you heard your manager's voice through the walkie earpiece used to communicate with everyone in the store.

"Y/N, can you come see me in my office."

You sighed heavily, your coworker giggling at you and then making an "oooh" sound to tease you for possibly getting in trouble. You put the clothes in your hand down and walked to the back then stopped to knock at your manager's office.

"Come in." He shouted from the other side, you opened the door to see your lavender hair manager not wearing his usual business casual clothes but opting for a sporty look today as he was filling out papers in front of his laptop.

"You wanted to see me, Mr. Choi?"

"Ah, Y/N come in and take a seat for me." He said as he stuck his hand out to wave you to the chair propped in front of his desk.

You took a seat as your bare ass hit the cloth chair due to how short your skirt was, it made you cringe a bit because you knew the discoloration from the chair was from it not being cleaned, at least your thigh highs protected you from your thighs meeting the same fate.

"So what's up boss?" you said as you looked at him. He finally put his pen down to look over you before he responded.

"Well Y/N, I've gotten a few... let's say comments... about your choice of costume for today." He said trying to be sensitive about the matter.

"Oh yeah well this was all I had since I had plans for Halloween this year before I got scheduled." You said looking over yourself.

"Right and what are you supposed to be?" He questioned.

"A murdered school girl but like, spicy 'cause I'm an adult."  you said nonchalantly.

"Okay... and you deemed that appropriate to wear to work."

"No but I deemed it good enough to wear for tonight's shift." you said quickly. "What's wrong with it? Too much thighs and boobs showing?  Do you not like my thighs Mr. Choi?" you said teasing him, your manager was usually very conservative and you and your coworkers loved teasing him because of that.

He cleared his throat before replying. "I-I can assure you that I have no issues with your thighs Y/N I meant the par-"

"Oooh no issues with them huh? Then why call me back here? I get  you would rather die than show skin but some of us aren't afraid."

Before he could reply he stood up to reveal one of the most gorgeous things you've ever seen, his thick horse-like thighs in a pair of gym shorts.

"As you can see from my clever gym teacher costume, I too am showing thigh, I just wanted to let you know the parents had an issue... I actually don't mind your thighs." He said the last part quietly.

You marveled at his legs for a moment before he spoke again.

"J-just get back to work and stay behind the counter okay? Remember me and you are on closing duty tonight so don't leave with everyone else." He said as he sat back down and continued to work. You nodded stood up and returned to the floor.

After hours, 11 pm finally hit and you couldn't be more excited but nervous. Though you could try to finally meet back up with your friends for late-night moves all you could think about was being trapped with your hot manager and his newly discovered meaty thighs. You never knew you had a thing for muscle legs or Jongho the prude, again a name given by co-workers, until now. Everyone started to leave and you did your rounds in the store while Jongho locked up, then you two met back up to collect the money from the registers and take it to the office to count it. You sat at the chair in front of his desk again so you could count the money and he locked the office door and collected the credit card receipts to count those. Being in the locked office with him for some reason made your heart pound and even worse made your clit kind of throb as you stared at his lavender locks and his tanned skin as he stayed focused. You started to shift a bit in the chair then crossed one leg over the other to cause some friction to calm you down, you kept restarting your money count and Jongho finally noticed.

"Everything okay Y/N?" He looked up at you.

"Huh? Oh! Yeah, everything is just peachy." You smiled nervously, scared that you would be caught using your thighs to rub your tingling heat.

He examined your flushed and nervous face before speaking again. "Look I know what this is about Y/N, and I can assure you, there is nothing to be embarrassed about okay? I don't want things to be awkward here."

"Y-you do know? S-so you didn't mind?" You couldn't believe he noticed and... didn't mind it?

"Of course not Y/N, I told you I didn't have a problem with it, I actually like it." He flashed a warm smile at you.

You felt your core start to pound hearing him say he liked it, he liked watching you fall apart like this? Jongho the prude rumors debunked.

"Well, can I ask you something then?" You said shyly.

"Of course, anything." He continued to smile seeing you not as tense.

"Well since you liked it... c-can I maybe... ride your thigh?" You said still shy. Jongho looked at you with his eyebrows lifted thinking maybe he misheard your request, you two sat in pure silence looking at each other for a moment.

"I-uh-w-what are we talking about?" He said sounding like he was malfunctioning.

"Wait- What were you talking about?" You said as panic started to set in.

"I was talking about how you may have been embarrassed by your costume after our talk and I was trying to say it was okay and that I liked it." His voice was panicking too at this point.

"Oh my God I thought you noticed how turned on I was since you showed me your thighs-" Why the hell did you just admit that out loud? "Oookay gotta go- you can fire me it's cool" You started to hurry and grab your bag and headed for the door, Jongho walked from around his desk to grab your arm.

"D-do you want to do that with me for real?" He said trying to avoid eye contact and you got a glance at his red face.

You paused in front of the door, your face heating up and you turned to look at his cute little shy face.

"I mean..."

...

Welp, here you were sitting on your manager's thigh with your skirt off while he sat in his office chair, you were facing him and holding his strong shoulders while he held your waist. The only thing separating your core from his thigh is your thin thong, he could already feel the dampness on his bare thigh.

"Ready?" You asked him.

"Yeah... as long as you are." He said, you nodded as a reply then started to slowly rock your hips on too his thigh, the friction of your clit rubbing his strong legs was like a water hose putting out a fire, you and Jongho both looked down and watched as your hips moved at a steady pace, small breathy whimpers came out of your lips.

"You're so cute Y/N, does this feel good for you?" He looked up at you to ask, you nodded once again. Jongho moved his hands to grip your thighs where your thigh highs and your skin met, he pulled you back and forth faster, your whimpers developed into full moans while your heat started to drool more and create a trail of your slick on his thigh.

"Mr. Choi it feels so good." You said sounding out of breath. You still calling him Mr. Choi in this moment made his dick start to rise.

"What I said earlier was true Y/N, I like your thigh too." He said as his grip was tighter and his thumbs started to rub your inner thighs. You were like ice as you melted under his touch.

"When I saw you come into my office wearing that skimpy little costume It took everything in me not to lay you across my desk and lick and suck them." your hips started to move sloppily from his words, and you felt your climax rushing at you all from riding him like this but before you could come he lifted you off of him and placed you on the desk, swiping everything on the floor and laying you back.

"These thighs are so pretty I probably won't even need to fuck your pretty little pussy to cum. I can put my dick between them and fuck you just like that, would you like that?" He hovered over you as he pressed his hard dick onto your leg.

"Yes please Mr. Choi, use my thighs to cum." He didn't say a word, he swiftly removed your wet panties to reveal your oozing core. He pulled his pants and underwear down and his member sprung out, nice and thick just like everything else on his body, he brought his hand to your lips and simply said "Spit" so you did, he used your spit to lube his dick and pumped it few times before pulling you down to the edge of the desk and spreading your legs a bit to place his hard dick between your soft thighs. He kept your thigh highs on because he loved the way they squeezed you. Gripping both your thighs he closed his dick between them and started to move back and forth, your slick acted as a natural lube along with your saliva, his rod rubbing your sensitive-edged clit was already driving you crazy but the wet and sticky feeling on his hot rod made you want to combust.

"Your thighs are so warm Y/N, it feels so good I might cover them in cum." his hands gripping the back them tighter as he hissed at the sensation, you were a moaning mess and the thought of him shooting his load onto was almost your end.

"I bet you wore this outfit just for me to fuck these pretty legs, did you want me to see that bad baby, are you that hot for my attention?" He grunted out as his strokes sped up. You didn't pin Jongho the prude to be this hot sex-talking guy but fuck were you happy you found out.

"Mr. Choi please- I'm going to cum." his pace sped up even more, his dick sloppily running over your dripping wet pussy.

"Mm I am too baby Cum for me cum for Mr. Choi." he hissed back, his hips and yours bucking together, spews of curse words came from your soft lips as you came, your slick completely coating the bottom side of his dick and balls, Jongho shot his load as well, his hot cum dripping down onto you and some shooting up to your shirt. He finished his breathing came back to earth to realize he ruined your clothes and hurried to grab the tissue box that he had knocked on the floor earlier to hand to you.

"S-sorry about that, I know you said you were going to a costume party with your friends, feel free to make a last-minute outfit with anything out there and I pay for it." He said feeling genuinely bad.

"Jongho, fuck that party, we still have more work to do here."

[yanderes-galore]

A romantic concept of Homelander form The Boys if you will? Him as a yandere would be the worst nightmare for anyone....

I've finished season one and haven't started the other seasons but I did do my research and... oh boy.

I feel so bad for whoever is in this situation...

Concept is kept vague and may have some spoilers for the show but not too many. I hope I managed to nail his character :) I really like him as a character so I had fun with this. I just wish I included more tense situations in this as I feel I could've depicted him better. This was just a general yandere behavior observation though.

Yandere! Homelander Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Swearing, Murder, Kidnapping, Stalking, Clingy behavior, Threats, Possessive behavior, Slight delusional behavior, Attempted mind break, Isolation, Stockholm syndrome, Biting/Marking mentioned, Forced relationship, Violence, Sadism, Homelander is unhinged.

Homelander is a nightmare of a man.

Throughout the show we see him get more and more unhinged.

His own darling would feel like they're walking on eggshells around him.

Homelander, John, is easy to set off.

There's no one and nothing that can stop him as far as the people know.

Homelander struggles understanding the concept of love due to his upbringing.

Which makes his darling suffer when he attempts romantic feelings.

Or really any feelings of care at all.

Homelander is Obsessive, Possessive, Arrogant, Entitled, Intimidating, Temperamental, Manipulative, Sadistic, and Childish.

What makes him terrifying is what he can get away with.

Homelander can break the law and no one will stop him.

He can kill... he can kidnap... he can use his darling all he wants to chase this obsessive craving for love...

No one will do a thing.

Why?

He's fucking Homelander.

Homelander would at first try to ignore this obsession he has.

Even more so if you are not a Supe of any kind.

Although... Homelander will begin to crave this obsession he has.

Deep down he's vulnerable emotionally.

He craves some sort of affection, some sort of love...

Which is what pushes him to chase down his obsession no matter how you meet.

Homelander's obsession is moderate in growth, he tries to keep it in the back of his mind but it eventually bubbles up to annoy him.

So he has to do something.

Homelander would try to keep everything under the radar at first.

He is a man that likes to keep up appearances.

Homelander deals with his obsession by stalking at first.

Normally he wouldn't mind killing distractions... but he craves something from you.

Well... this makes Homelander stalk you for the time being.

He knows where you live, where you work, and he's determined to know everything.

Soon playing hero becomes the annoyance as all he wants to do is watch you.

Homelander is possessive but he disguises it as protective.

Before he acts on his obsession he still shows a strong desire to hide you away like some guilty pleasure.

He doesn't want you near Vought, he doesn't want you near Supes, and he certainly doesn't want you among the public.

When Homelander eventually kidnaps you he places you in a remote area.

The idea alone of someone else having you makes him want to level a city.

Homelander both wants to show you off yet hide you.

But he eventually decides to hide his obsession for now... for appearances.

You'll make him imperfect.

Homelander is going to force you to love him when he meets you/has you.

It comes off as overwhelming as The Homelander is obsessed with you.

You're quickly forced to give affection to him as he could kill you any second.

Homelander wouldn't mind if he managed to give you stockholm syndrome.

It only confirms that you're his.

Homelander would probably mark his darling due to being possessive, like biting for example, he's also suffocating with his need for affection.

You're as addicting as Compound V.

He needs you... so he'll make you need him.

Homelander lives off praise.

He allows his darling to call him by his real name when alone.

He also wants you to hold him and stroke his ego.

You can't ignore him.

He gets violent and annoyed if you do try to ignore him.

He feels he's entitled to you.

He's rough when kissing you and he manhandles you when holding you.

He has to be mindful of his strength as he can easily hurt you.

You have to remind him of that before he gets too eager.

His strength and tone alone intimidates you and others.

The moment he seems irritated you're scrambling to either calm him or run away.

You're one of the only things that calms him down.

He is monitoring you 24/7.

He's fast, he has X-Ray vision, he can hear everything you do.

Homelander is part of your life and you're going to like it.

Homelander has charisma due to being the leader of The Seven.

He can make you an outcast, he can threaten you not to leave him, and he can isolate you from everyone with a glare and subtle threat.

He's manipulative and you aren't sure if you can trust him ever at times.

You know he's a monster....

Homelander can be childish.

He'll tease you and force himself onto your lap for attention.

It's strange to see a man such as him act like a clingy child.

But he is not as innocent as a child.

Nothing close to that, actually.

Homelander would do things for you to earn your praise and affection.

He saved some people... he manipulated someone for you... he's killed for you....

He'd call you ungrateful if you hate what he does for you.

Homelander may break you mentally in isolation before showing you off to the public.

If you get too much attention then he has breakdowns and wants to isolate you again.

If someone stole you away?

They're dead.

He'll make it slow, too....

Homelander wants to show you to the public to confirm you're his.

You'll still be living in isolation... but you get to see the crowds, all dressed up in his aesthetic.

There's no escaping him... you can't.

Homelander is outmatched in strength and power.

He'd find you in seconds... and you'll be left to his mercy.

[olderthannetfic]

I found myself rereading an old discussion about AO3 commenting culture (ye olde "Authors aren't owed comments" vs. "Readers aren't owed fic either" wank). And you know, it strikes me that a lot of the drama in such discussions is rooted in the fact that people only ever seem to engage with the worst things the opposite side says. And of course that leads to miscommunication, because the extremes are not generally applicable to most people.

Like, for instance. Someone going "I comment so regularly I practically gave myself burn-out commenting". Authors complaining about people who act entitled to stories aren't talking about you, I promise. They're talking about people who genuinely can't be bothered or go on flippant "Why don't you just write for yourself?" rants, while still enjoying other people's work. Ditto on the other side: people get offended at being called entitled authors, but odds are good the person isn't referring to you, who would simply like to not shout into the void, odds are good they're referring to the asshole authors they've met who'd throw hissy hits over comments that weren't phrased exactly to their liking, because yes, people like that do exist so it's simply flat out wrong to say "Just comment, authors are always happy to see comments, no matter how short! :)"

Also, a particular comment jumped out at me:

"It's not a consumer's job to compliment a promote an artist's work"

I generally agree that acting like people are owed comments is useless and stupid, but if I had to pick a phrasing that sums up my misgivings about common commenting culture, it's this. So many people seem to act like authors are getting a paycheck for this and don't need any additional motivator.

The other thing that bugs me is when people talk about all the reasons they don't comment (low spoons, anxiety, tired, etc.), but ignore the fact that authors have to deal with all of the above, too. And not just in fanfic. It seems any time there's any kind of social conflict being discussed (like, say, replying to a friend's messages in a vaguely timely manner) a ton of people will trot out excuses for why they can't do [insert what's generally seen as the vaguely courteous thing to do], but inadvertently act like that makes them special and like they're the only ones who have these legitimately valid excuses.

This started in one place and led to another, sorry. I guess I'm just frustrated with the Tumblr mental health culture of "I have a semi-specific reason I struggle with this so I'm not even going to try". I think people overcompensate too much for "Just don't be disabled!"-style ableism and swing too hard in the embraced helplessness direction.

Back to fanfic, every time I see the "I can't do it because of X" thing in the context of commenting, I can't help but think of how many authors also deal with depression, anxiety, self-esteem issues, low spoons, etc. and how easy it would have been for them to give up, but they got through it and posted the fanfic anyway, and how often they're then met with silence because the prevailing attitude among their audience is e.g. "I read this before bed and was too sleepy to comment, and too forgetful to comment the next day". I think about some of the fic I've written, often fic written when I maybe should have been doing something else, or fic written at the cost of sleep, or hyperfixating at my keyboard for six hours instead of going for a nice hike with my family, and it's hard not to get a little bitter, you know? Talking about legitimate reasons for why commenting is hard just so often comes across as "You're free to make sacrifices to write the stuff I read, but I won't make any"

I also feel a bit bitter that it's impossible to even discuss these things in a vacuum without someone going "Discussions like this are why I've stopped commenting", as someone inevitably will in the notes of this post. "Just shut up and make your Content(TM) and don't complain about anything", is what it feels like.

--

The entire phrasing of reward and owing is stupid.

The reality is that lots of people won't produce work unless they feel like someone cares. No amount of moralizing or excuses will change that.

It's also the reality that posting to the masses on AO3 or tumblr will result in maybe one like or other interaction per hundred hits if you're really, really lucky. The rate has never been much better than that, and it never will be. It's often very much worse.

If one personally wants to encourage people, sure, go out and do that, but any call to action that ignores the above two realities is like fighting the tide.

I do think "It's not my job to promote you" typically comes up in the context of meltdowns about letting artists "languish in your likes" instead of being reblogged onto your actual blog and/or contexts where the artist/author/etc. is selling their work.

Here's the thing: people who never comment do not count.

They think they're part of a community. They're not. If you don't participate, you're a ghost.

When some author moves to a more enclosed space, a lot of people who saw themselves as part of something are suddenly left out in the cold, wondering why. But the fact is, if you don't pay the entry fee of socializing with others, you're nobody to them.

The entitled randos don't matter. If they bug you enough, take your toys and retreat to a discord with your friends.

[scoobydoodean]

Coming back to discussions on 6.06 because it wasn't on my mind at the time—the title of this episode is "You Can't Handle The Truth". On it's face, it's a reference to the curse victims get in this episode and how they literally cannot handle the truth, but it's also a reference to the movie/play "A Few Good Men". In 6.06, we still know very little about what Cas is up to. The title is a nice bit of foreshadowing for what's going on behind the scenes, but more interestingly, a tell regarding the unspoken emotions and resentments in play between Dean and (especially) Cas. Watch this scene (or read the transcript from IMDB copied below) and it's easy to see that Cas is Jessep (Nickolson's character) and Dean is Kaffee (Cruise's character)*.

Col. Jessep: You want answers? Kaffee: I think I'm entitled. Col. Jessep: You want answers? Kaffee: I WANT THE TRUTH! Col. Jessep: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know; that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said "thank you" and went on your way, otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon and stand a post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to! Kaffee: Did you order the code red? Col. Jessep: I did the job I- Kaffee: Did you order the Code Red? Col. Jessep: You're God damn right I did!

I don't think Cas is so blasé—I think a primary reason he lies to Dean is that he's ashamed of his actions and doesn't want anyone (Dean, Balthazar, the other angels he's lying to) to look down on him. But he also believes his actions are necessary, and he also doesn't think Dean can handle being a part of doing what Cas believes needs to be done. He very truly believes Dean can't handle the truth and doesn't want him or anyone else who "can't handle it" to stand in his way, and that's the other reason he lies. Whether Cas's resentment deep down reaches the levels Jessep feels for Kaffee is also another matter, but I think it's probably not terribly far off even if not as extreme. Cas's actions are cold, calculated, sometimes cruel, and (in his eyes) absolutely necessary—but (from his perspective) no one else can handle it and no one else will ever appreciate what he's doing or the "necessary" moral sacrifices he's making.

*Adding another interesting dimension here, Jensen Ackles starred as Kaffee in a stage play of "A Few Good Men" in 2007.

[harrysfolklore]

Yaaaas to the photographer blurb!!

here it is ! photographer!yn and harry’s first meeting <3 this is also my entry for @harry-on-broadway’s writing challenge !! the dialogue i picked is in bold 💖💖 hope you like this

PHOTOGRAPHER!YN INSTA BLURB

ask me anything | masterlist | likes and reblogs are appreciated ! | SUBSCRIBE TO MY PATREON

Life could take crazy turns sometimes.

And as YN arrived to the location where she was going to shoot the latest cover for Rolling Stone magazine, the only thing she could think about was how her life was about to change forever.

It wasn't just any magazine cover, it was Rolling Stone's first ever global cover, and the person on it was no other than the world's most wanted man, Harry Styles.

It was safe to say that she was very shocked when she got the email inviting her to be the person behind the camera for the occasion, and she was even more gobsmacked when she found out that Harry himself suggested that she was the ideal person to shoot his cover.

Turns out, Harry found out about her through his photographer and friend Anthony Pham, and ever since he saw her pictures he knew he needed to work with her.

And he didn't want to admit it yet, but he thought she was absolutely gorgeous.

Taking a deep breath and with her camera gear in hand, YN approached the group of people gathered in the location getting everything ready for the shoot, and she felt a bit of relief when she spotted Harry Lambert, someone who she knew and had worked with in the past.

"YN, you're here ! I was waiting for you." Lambert said as he bend down a little to give her a hug as a greeting, YN hugging him back and her nerves calming down a bit already.

"It's so good to see you again, Lambert. But I'm not late am I?" being late was one of YN's biggest pet peeves and the mention of Lambert waiting for her sent alarms to her brain.

"Oh no dear, you're not, I was just eager to show you the looks we picked for the shoot. Who's actually quite late is our boy Harry, which is rare for him." and before you could reply, a voice made both of you turn around.

"Come on Lamby, don't go around putting on a bad word for me." Harry said as he walked in, wearing comfortable clothes and with a cup of coffee in hand, his manager Jeffrey following behind.

"What can I say sue, the first impression is the one that matters." they joked around and YN coulnd't help but smile a bit, she could tell they were a great group of friends and not just coworkers.

However, YN's smile turned into a nervous expression when she noticed Harry approaching her.

"Hello, I'm Harry, It's so nice to finally meet you." YN thought it was quite endearing how he introduced himself by name even thought she was pretty sure everyone in the world knew it, and she allowed herself to stare at his eyes for a second before introducing herself.

"I'm YN, and It's really nice to meet you too, I was so eager to work with you." she said and a smile made its way to both of their faces. YN had worked with celebrities in the past and most of them were entitled, with a preppy attitude and overall rude for no reason, Harry however, gave her a warm and friendly vibe, he was someone down to earth and that was easy to tell.

"Harry! Time for clothes and makeup!" his manager called out for him and that was their cue to go their own ways, YN knew already this was going to be her best shooting.

A couple hours had passed and the shooting was going smoothly, they had moved to different locations and Harry had changed clothes multiple times.

YN found out that Harry was a great person to work with and he was easy to direct, on top of that he was really friendly and kept making conversation all the time.

Or more like, he kept teasing YN because according to him "she is really tiny and It's adorable how she carries her big cameras around", it was safe to say that YN's cheeks were constantly blushing.

"You know, I feel like I'm going to love this photoshoot so much to the point it will become my favorite." Harry said after a couple of flashes were snapped, a red and white jumpsuit whit a yellow cardigan adorning his body, he picked a flower that was laying around and decided to use it as a prob for the pictures.

"I mean, that would make me feel really accomplished" YN snapped a couple more pictures, she enjoyed capturing spontaneous moments when people in front of the camera where being their natural selves.

"You don't need my validation to feel proud of yourself though, you're an amazing photographer" he said as he posed of YN's camera, and she was glad the device was covering her face and he couldn't see her cheeks blushing once again.

"Thank you Harry, that's very nice of you" YN told him sincerely, and when she caught a glimpse of his eyes, she knew he had something on his mind that he was yet to tell her.

"You know, my current tour photographer needs to take a break to take care of some family stuff," he cautiously began, "And I'm going to need someone who can take his place, I know you did some tour photography before the pandemic, if you don't have any upcoming projects scheduled, I would be thrilled to have you on the road" and YN was completely taken back by the offer, not expecting to end the day with a new job opportunity, and a huge one.

Even though YN knew taking this opportunity would be life changing for her, she couldn't help but let intrusive thoughts cloud her head, "I mean, I'm really flattered for the offer, but I'm not sure if I'm the ideal person for the job," she hid behind her camera again, feeling slightly embarrassed all of the sudden.

"Of course you are, I wouldn't be offering you the job if I didn't think you were," he said and before the photographer could protest, he spoke again, "Besides, if you're not sure about all the traveling, we're doing residencies this time," YN could tell that he really wanted her to take the offer, and she knew she wanted too, but the little voice on his head was not on her side as usual.

"Look Harry, I'm really grateful for the offer and I know it'll be a great opportunity for me, but I need to meditate it a bit before I make a decision, okay?" and YN could see a small smile on his face caused by her response.

"Okay, but I'm not going down without a fight, just so you know!" he pointed the flower on his hand at her before, causing both to laugh before YN focused on photographing him again.

Another hour had passed and the photoshoot was successfully wrapped up, many crew members had said their goodbyes already and YN was putting away her camera equipment when Harry approached her again.

"So, have you made your mind up about the tour photographer position?" he told her with a mischievous expression, he wasn't lying with his previous statement about not going down without a fight, he had been mentioning the wonders about the job and persuading YN to take it at least every 15 minutes.

"You're really persistent, aren't you?" YN said as she put her backpack on her shoulder, a small smile on her own appearing on her face.

“I’ll take that as a compliment” and even thought YN completely missed the flirtatious tone on his voice, Harry definitely noticed how flustered she suddenly got.

"Look, I'll think about it," and that was enough for Harry to get giddy and excited already, "And I'll give you a reply by the end of the week, okay?" she said as they began to walk together towards where their cars were parked.

"That's wonderful, I can't wait to be tourmates with you, tiny."

taglist: @cucciolafaerie @eleanordaisy @sunflowersndpeaches @golden-hoax @alienorknight @daydreamingofmatilda @sunflowervolume66 @vanteguccir @ivyproblems @ayeshathestyles @stylesmygucci i @gimsaysay @rosaliedepp @dontworrysunflower @milfrrynation @manifestrry @iceebabies @harrystylesrecs @pleasingrryyy @harianaswhore @leadmetogarden @abeanontoast @grapejuice-rry @vrittivsanghavi @msolbesg @tati813 @sad1esgf @ivegotparticulartaste @eviesaurusrex @itsgabbysblog @theekyliepage @gumballavocadoharry @watermelonsugacry @be-with-me-so-happily @a-strange-familiar @reveriehs @musicforcinemas @rafeyyyyy @tinydeskwriter @noooovaaaaa @tenaciousperfectionunknown @mxltifxnd0m @rach2602 @balletdancerry @b-reads-things @juiceboxrry @lomlolivia

[winepresswrath]

hi! i always love your MDZS/CQL takes; can i ask what are the questions you think CQL is asking, as compared to MDZS?

I haven't actually revisited either canon in ages, which is making me nervous. what questions the novel is interested in can be pretty contentious all on its own! @mikkeneko has an excellent answer in the notes here which I reccomend to everyone. My own thoughts are honestly pretty scattered- I keep on deleting things and going hm, that's not quite right.

So, for the obvious-to-me example, people reasonably zero in on the creation of innocent doctors/radish farmers who Wen Ruohan is holding hostage. In CQL it's easy to infer that Wen Qing and Wen Ning are maybe the only cultivators and almost certainly the only combatants among the Wen remnants, and their status is much more ambiguous in the novel, which I personally think is asking, essentially, "and so what? were they wrong to run, when they had a chance? Do they deserve what Jin Guangshan will do to them if they go back? Aren't they just people, actually?" Whereas the question that CQL is asking is more to the effect of "What does Wen Qing owe these people, when she is their only defence? What is she entitled to do to save them, at other people's expense? If she fucks up that moral calculus, what then? Does it matter if she's personally fond of some of the outsiders who are going to get hurt? If one of them saved her brother? Later, this question will flip to what Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, and the parallel to Jiang Cheng's situation in particular is, I think, genuinely pretty fun. You're giving up the Wen as soldiers who've laid down their arms in exchange for Wen Qing also grappling with leadership and the question of how many horrors she can stand to look the other way on to protect her own people. one reason I keep deleting so much is that a lot cql's changes were motivated at least in part by censorship, which I think we mostly share a general and justified distaste for! but I also think that within the bounds of that censorship the creative team put a lot of work into actually doing something interesting with those changes. Or, for another example- nieyao! There's a much greater emphasis on the nmj-jgy relationship, it's unambiguously very close and they are clearly extremely important to one another, and I think that's because the cql team has a lot to say about love, trust, power, and the ways those things interact, and that reflects back on all of the other relationships in play, including Wangxian. Almost every time, when CQL chooses change a relationship they make the characters in question closer- that's true for Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, for Wen Qing and the Yunmeng contingent, for Zixuan and Mianmian, and Huaisang and Meng Yao. It's even true for Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, who have a close and trusting relationship in first life! CQL puts a much greater emphasis on "all right, so you care, what next?" How do you choose someone and then choose to be good to them? What if there's a massive power disparity between you? What if you seriously disagree about your priorities and morals? How do you trust someone who's betrayed you? When is it a stupid choice to trust at all? How do you have faith that you know someone well enough for that trust to be meaningful?

for legal reasons i would like to specify that it's not that mdzs isn't interested in these problems. i do remember wangxian's literal trust fall. cql is asking these questions all the time about everyone. also for legal purposes i'm not suggesting that cql lwj and jc love each other. but! they establish a three month wartime partnership looking for wwx and then jc immediately drops him on wwx's say-so despite apparently having a positive enough opinion of him to tell wwx he thinks they should make up twice. lan wangji will later tell wwx he thinks he should loop jc in on the second flautist! these are people trying to navigate some kind of relationship/shared interest/community, as opposed to a hateful void. cql wants to say hey, how do you go about this? while I'm here and rambling cql also puts a lot of emphasis on wwx's connection to yunmeng and changes things up so instead of feeling alienated right before he leaves our last glimpse of him there is happily picking lotuses and playing with a kid! in both stories the narrative is asking who do you protect? who do you leave behind? can you ever get it back? but the angles are very different.

[calaisreno]

Those Who Can't

I've always loved writing, but for a long time thought it was pretentious to call myself a writer. What if someone asked to see what I'm writing? What if they didn't like it? That would make me a terrible writer, I thought, one of those people who go around thinking they're great while everyone is secretly laughing at them.

But I walk in the park every day, and I see people who walk there, too. We're all walkers, even the guy who brings his oxygen tank with him every day, even the woman who sits down to smoke a cigarette before she finishes her walk. The young parents pushing strollers, the women in hijab, the elderly lady who has her hair "done" each week and wears jewellery while she does her doctor-prescribed exercise, the people who are overweight or all lean muscle and bone, the people looking for Pokemon, the business suits walking during their lunch hour. All walking, all walkers.

If you walk, you're a walker. If you write, you're a writer.

It's said that those who can't do something become teachers. As a teacher, I resent the implication that we have all failed at something and now pretend to instruct others how not to fail. But it's true in the sense that we are all learners, never finished learning, and no one knows this better than a teacher. Every day I learn just how much I don't know.

Years ago I was walking down the hall of my school, heading for the copy machine, three minutes from the next bell, and an administrator stopped me.

"Would you like to teach creative writing?" she asked. "We need more elective courses next year."

At the time I was teaching three Latin classes and two freshman English classes. Did I really need another prep?

Could I even do this? Why me? What made me more qualified than the other people in my department? How would I teach it? What would the course description say? Who would take the class?

"Yes," I said.

When I started teaching it in the fall, I didn't have answers to all my questions, but I had a plan. The most frustrating thing, I learned, was teaching people who hadn't signed up for it, and just needed a course to fill a hole in their schedule. I thought writing was easy-- and fun! We could all have a good time here, because it was just about self-growth and imagination.

I learned was that I was not the expert. My students might be terrible writers, might hate every moment of journaling and writing exercises and prompts, but they had ideas, too. They were just too used to thinking their ideas were shit, that creativity wasn't worth anything, that the things that mattered were the things that could get them a good job.

My job, it turns out, was coaxing them to open up and explore ideas, to think divergently, to regard storytelling as more than entertainment. Stories matter; how we tell them makes a difference. I was not an expert. I read a lot and wrote stories for fun. And I became my first pupil.

Nearly everything I learned about writing, I got from teaching it. And I haven't yet reached the point where I felt entitled to call myself a writer. I still sort of cringe when I confess to someone that I write. But I keep writing.

"No writing is a waste of time – no creative work where the feelings, the imagination, the intelligence must work. With every sentence you write, you have learned something. It has done you good. Don't always be appraising yourself, wondering if you are better or worse than other writers." -- Brenda Ueland, If You Want to Write

[totally-not-here-for-the-smut]

So, @arcanavoid made me thinking about Lucio in their post

WELL THEN LETS TALK ABOUT LUCIO YOU BITCHES

Pleas keep in mind that I'm right now very drunk and I'm not a native speaker and the autocorrect for this phone can only do so much Also I'm in a different time zone so if you see this at, like 10 in the morning or whatever, no worries bc now is definitely night here and I also program my posts I have not a drinking problem thats why I cant hold my f-ing liquor

WELL THEN MY DEAR LUCIO and

WHY

as a person who is very close to people with serious mental illness, like i legit live with them

I THINK LUCIO'S ROUTE IS SO GREAT

Let's start with an assumption: we're all assholes. Somewhere in our life, maybe in the past, or present, or future, we are huge AH. It's not like we're evil and condemned to hell, it's just that as humans we're small, petty and miserable so we behave badly and are very selfish when big difficulties challenge us. Like, sometimes we manage to scramble enough willpower and common sense to act decently as we're afraid and suffering, but lots of times we don't and make shitty things. So here's my first point:

1. We all are a Lucio sometimes. Or often.

Like, way more than we want to admit. We're afraid, we're too full of ourselves, and we behave in petty ways. We're mean towards strangers, we feel happy in humiliating them and showing the world how better than anyone else we are. We need something bc we live in a world that doesn't grant basic human rights (food, shelter, health, safety and human connection), so we strain to get those things, sometimes at others' expenses. Then we tell ourself that those people deserved our scorn and malice because they're bad, and we tell us such lies because facing the guilt of what we've done is painful and complex.

We need to show ourselves we're better, so enjoy picking at others' mistakes without caring who they are in a whole (this is super easy on the internet). All this while low key ignoring what bad we're more or less responsible for.

And we are. Like, if you ever did buy something on sites like shein, you are actually exploiting poor people who are basically slaves. And you're keeping a blind eye on it.

But you know what? You're not evil for this. We're weak sometimes, we're tired, we have little time and really don't have the lucidity to think whether this stupid chicken breast is full of hormones and antibiotics or not. We're humans and we're small. Often we're sad, afraid and tired and we need a malicious self esteem bost.

Often, we're Lucio.

2. A flaming piece of trash can change. And doesn't need others' forgiveness to do so.

Did you notice how everyone is so eager to show of other people are wrong and bad and evil? That's because they, and we as well, need reassurance about how we're the hero of the story.

That's because we can't tolerate being the flaming piece of trash, because the the flaming piece of trash can't change and everyone hates them.

This idea is stupid.

It doesn't matter how low you fell. How many people you hurt, how many times you made the same stupid mistake or how many people deeply despise you. You still can change.

That's why is

So

Important

To have a Lucio route where it's shown he can choose to be better, no matter how deeply wrong his past deeds were.

The moment we understand this concept is the one our guilt becomes less heavy and we start being less judging of others. Granted.

This doesn't mean you're entitled to people's forgiveness - but the fact that YOU are willing to forgive yourself means that you can really change and forgive others. If some people won't forgive you, it will be fine, no need to hate them: you can always find new people to gift your better self to.

This is what happens to Lucio. Will Asra ever truly forgive him for making him and orphan and killing you? No. But this doesn't mean that Lucio will be a villain forever. He will be still able to change, become a good man and gift his goodness to the MC.

As MC says to Julian: you can always come back.

3. What it takes to change

Now, I'm in general rly humble when talking about mental health bc I'm no doctor nor therapist. But living with people who went through hell and managed to survive (and knowing people who sadly didn't), made me able to figure a couple of things. So, brace yourself. I'm about to give you the ultimate recipe of healing.

It takes two things:

Compassion and Accountability

When all is said and done, this things are the two main things it takes to change and heal. Compassion for believing you can change and deserve happiness, seeing the world through other people's eyes and accountability to motivate you into stop being a dick and owning the shit you did (so yeah, maybe you should stop blaming your parents for who you are, sry, but it doesn't serves your cause).

and there's one and only one way to get them:

Positive human connections.

That's it. When you go to the bone to it, that's how one can change, heal and survive.

It's reduced to the very bone, simple idea: the whole process is much more complicated and it's ok if you get lost in it. But at the very root, this is it.

And this is WHY Lucio's route it's so great:

MC shows compassion, because they don't recall him doing anything bad to them.

MC helps him being accountable. They doesn't shelter Lucio from his guilt, never.

MC believes in them but NEVER puts up with their shit

MC doesn't believe his lies and doesn't lie to them either. No games: they talk through everything, they're kind but firm and true.

MC helps him accept other people's scorn towards him

I love this route because it's the one where the MC is the most clever. There's a murder mistery? Let's ask the ghost of the murdered one who did it. Everyone is mad at him? Let them be. Not bc "he deserves it", but bc people are entitled to be mad at him and to their idea about him. He has troubles with his mother? Don't get between them. Listen, understand, let them unravel their shit. Ghosts are mad at him? Sit with him, but don't do his emotional weightlifting. Mc puts Lucio in front of his deeds and holds his hand as he deals with them.

Folks: THIS is how it's done irl.

4. No dumb justification & the danger of privilege

There are a lot of shows about "why villains are like this" that paint them as a poor misunderstood saint who was mistreated by their parents. Like in Once Upon a Time or the Disney Villain's Live actions. I hate that stuff because they distort the plot to make the villain a misunderstood anti heroe who was a victim all along, so he's justified.

Guess what: they're not. If you actions are evil there's no justification. No retelling of your story: you made very bad choice and were an AH and that's it.

This is what happens with Lucio: in his route his story doesn't gets to be retold. It's an honest story about how Lucio, the villain, can choose to be the better man and benefit from it. It's a story about the inherent dangers of Privilege:

Lucio's story shows how dangerous privilege can be: he wasn't hold accountable for his actions while he was alive, bc he was pretty, powerful and rich. He loses his privilege, he gets his ass kicked, he find motivations to change in his desire to be loved. I know irl folks who got to adulthood without having to face how shitty they were bc of social privilege. It literally kept them from changing, healing and be happy. So beware, folks. Your privilege might be harming you in the first place, and the day you will face who you truly are without it WILL come. The later, the worst.

So, this is why I love Lucio's route. It's relatable and helps us to find the courage to face our demons, knowing that we can change. Knowing that we can forgive ourselves and accept others' scorn. It WILL be hard, it WILL be painful, there WILL be consequences, but eventually it will be worth the hassle.

So, long live the goatman, for he can change. And so do we.

[themoodyestj]

you are so sad, running a hate blog instead of actually enjoying your life. i get it, is super easy to be envious of people like the Ackles or Misha. because they have everything, they can do whatever they want without having to worry. they can do shit like get paid to play golf, have their own band, run away on a van and travel the country, buy a house and decorate it however they want. on top of that, they are kind and beautiful people, who are surrounded by people who loves them. is easy to be jealous of them when you are a common folk, living by paycheck, in a single room apartment, alone and without having had a vacation in years. or maybe you live on a nice place with a nice paycheck and lots of time to go on vacation, but you are still alone and miserable because you're a shitty person. either way, hatting on celebrities won't make you feel better.

Ok, someone else having a psychotic breakdown in my inbox, oh joy.

Dear Anon, by golly, you're right!

Deep down, I'd like to be have an anus instead of a mouth and just as smelly or classy. I'd like to be a frustrated author and an even more frustrated actor, unemployed, pandering for attention, publishing tons of books and only having pity buys from fans.

Id like to be the queen of shallow, have my face ruined with botox, have a husband buy me a huge house, big enough that he doesnt need to see me if he doesnt want to. Id like to live a live of luxury and still have it feel so empty, because other than sit and look pretty and say crap I shouldn't (and of course, entertain a loveless marriage) I didnt ammount to much of anything. I'd also like to have a voice that is so screechy and high pitched, most words I say only dogs can hear (poor dogs).

Got the joke?

Look, I understand youre so sick in the head that every little criticism to your fave is a shake in your personality, because you dont have one to begin with. I understand that you are such a little whiny b**** that you feel entitled to come to my inbox and tell me what i should and shouldn't write.

I also understand that you like to pretend that my life is sad and unfulfilled, and you know what, if it makes you feel better, go ahead. Anything so you dont have to face your own reality, right?

What I really don't understand is why you delulu anons come to my inbox and try to harrass me into stopping, when actually, you know I wont.

The truth is, I (and other bloggers you hate) matter more than you care to admit, because i give you the attention no one else will. Because you can only feel like a hero if you have a villain. On your own, youre pretty worthless.

And you know what? I personally dont mind taking one for the team. You're an awesome subject of study. Its fun to post your asks in my blog. People always laugh at how ridiculous you all are.

[k-dokja]

Dagyum made a promise, and Jihoon intended to keep it.

"...Now, don't look at me like that, I didn't get into too much trouble this time."

Dagyum should take your anger seriously. He knows he should, but the expression you make when you're annoyed is too adorable for him to even tense up. It doesn't help that when you cross your arms, he wants to tease you further.

But, he knows better than to provoke you. Not when you stand waiting at the door the moment he steps in, your displeasure radiates even when you have said nary a word. It would be too easy to do something wrong now, with too severe consequences.

After the long day, he has neither the energy nor the mind to entertain such mischief.

You don't reply.

Your eyes narrow at him and he wants to pepper you with kisses until that frown turns into a smile. However, indulging his whims can mean differently for you. He sighs, raising his hands in a gesture of surrendering. How else would he pacify you if not putting himself at your mercy?

"I only did what was necessary to honour my promise with President Yu," he steps further into the house. The door closes behind him with a click, followed by the chime of the lock mechanic sliding into place. His house is silent, coated in the drape of the night save for the light enshrining the doorway.

He stops in front of you. The glare you give him struggles to stay on because you have never been good at staying mad at him, although he knows you wish you are. You break away from his attention, trying to keep your frown. It falls when you turn your back to him, even if he can't see it.

"Hm."

Your one word of reply is enough to spur him on. He follows you further into the house. The light in his living room flicks on at his entry. You take the initiative to sit down on the couch, refusing to face him still. It'd be easy for you to blow up at him, but you wouldn't.

Not after all these years of being together, both of you know each other too well to throw childish tantrums. Not over something that shouldn't matter this much, anyway.

"Come on now," he slides down next to you. The sofa sinks under your combined weight when he scoops you up and drops you down on his lap. "Are you really upset?"

He kisses you, once, on the corner of your jaw where he knows it'd tickle. You smile in instinct and push him away halfheartedly to cover your slip-up. It doesn't work. He already sees, whatever protest you have won't hold weight now.

"Dagyum," you whine, "it's not funny, you promised."

He hums, "I know," the reply comes muffled when he nuzzles into your neck. Whatever stress you've accumulated lessens when you relax into his hold. His arms are secure around your waist. "And I kept my promise, I didn't do anything more than what was required of me."

"But you're still in the thick of it," you snuggle into him. Whatever anger you're meant to unless turns into muted grumbles.

"Only at the fringe," he sighs. His lips brush your forehead. "I still have obligations there I have to wrap up, you know that."

It's your turn to sigh, "We didn't put everything behind us to still have strings attached."

He knows what you were meant to say: you didn't leave that life behind to deal with his mess again. You're entitled to that, and he'd sooner surrender his life than dragging you back with him.

If he has been a good person back when he saw you again, he would've granted you the mercy of a peaceful life. One where you would never have another involvement with him. But he was selfish, and you're in his arms again.

He can't say he regrets what he did, but he won't make the mistake of letting you go again.

"And we won't," he says, "you know I have too much to lose now, I won't be reckless. Nothing will happen to us, we will leave if necessary. You don't have to worry about a thing."

"But I don't want to leave," you sigh again. "I have a life here, you have a life here. I don't want to lose any of it, but if anything about our pasts comes out..."

"It won't," he whispers, a prayer, a promise, "I won't let anything happen."

You guide him to look at you. Finally, you're willing to face him, yet he can't say the act comes with any satisfaction on his behalf. "It's easy to say, Dagyum. Words are empty."

He doesn't answer this time.

His lips meet yours. Another promise, this one he would keep.

[hello-nichya-here]

Let’s be real. The only reason toxic Zutarians and delusional Zukkas became so rampant is for the same reason.

Zutararians and Zukkas are two generations of the same issue.

Maiko is written so incoherently and Mai gets no development of her own. Zuko and her are a terrible match and treat each other poorly (I know the fandom can’t agree which one is at fault but I don’t think it matters).

Fans searching for a more satisfying conclusion of the fandom fav Zuko stumble into the waiting clutches of Zutarians or Zukkas who bombard them with their terrible takes, OOC writing, and admittedly beautiful fan art. Before you know it, they lose touch with actual canon.

This is all Bryke’s fault for writing Maiko terribly.

And yet people blame Zucest… nonsense!

Anon, I don't mean to be rude, but you're just wrong all around. Not only do I not think Maiko is terrible (might not be my OTP, but I am fond of it), but even if it WAS and fans had to rely on fanon for good romance, that does NOT explain or justify the way Zutarians and Zukkas not only act like their personal preference is objectively better than everyone else's but also actively lie to themselves and others about their ships totally being secretly canon but screwed over at the last second.

They do that for one reason alone: Entitlement. They're entitled, spoiled cry babies who screetch at anyone with a different preference because they take it as a personal attack.

Bryke writting Maiko any differently would not have made these people less insufferable. Hell, their ships hapenning in the exact way they wanted them to would also not do the trick, if anything it'd make them worse.

It doesn't matter what you think about Bryke as writers and people, or how you feel about the canon ships: The bad behavior of Zutara and Zukka fans is the responsibility of Zutara and Zukka fans, nobody else.

I don't like Legend Of Korra or the comics. Never sent a death threat to the people who made them. Never harassed fans of it or had them doxxed. I love Zucest to unhealthy degrees, but you won't see me claiming "There was totally a deleted scene of them kissing in the finale instead of fighting, but evil Bryke ruined it all, and if you don't believe my obvious bullshit I'll scream at you until I'm blue in the face!"

I LOATHE the ending of How I Met Your Mother with all my being, and resent the showrunners for being such dicks to fans and complaining we didn't praise their terrible writting. I would NEVER accuse them of abusing their authority over the actors and being predators just because I disagree with awful messages the finale sent - something zutarians do Kataang and Maiko fans ALL THE TIME.

It's really, really, really, really easy to not do that kind of stuff.

Be critical of Bryke and their writting, have whatever opinion you wanna have on Maiko, but let's not pretend writers/showrunners are to blame for FANS attacking people.

It'd be like going "Oh, this actress and her fans got death threats because audiences didn't like her character, clearly this is the writers fault for mishandling said character" NOPE, the blame of that kind of awful behavior ALWAYS lies solely with the people who choose to act like that.

[your-queer-dad]

hi dad, this is going to be a looong rant

came out to my mom recently and it’s been a big hit to my mental health. Although she said she doesn’t care about my identity, she followed it up with a rant about how I am a self centered person with more important attributes to develop than gender.

She suggested I not come out to my stepdad, because he is “not transphobic, but would be uncomfortable financially supporting a trans person and having them around his kids (my half sisters)”. I live them both full time and am a minor (16). Since he makes all the money (even though he lets her spend whatever on clothes and groceries) I will not be getting gender affirming clothes.

…so I feel as if I am effectively back in the closet!

She will not gender me masc at all, even when we are in private. She also said she sees me more as nonbinary, but I didn’t have the energy to explain that I am nb but still want to be exclusively he/him and go on T.

I feel so tired now. On one hand I wish I never came out as trans, because at least her misgendering could he excused as unintended. Although I want to give her the benefit of the doubt at every step, her lack of support is not neutral when I am otherwise alone. For reasons separate from family my dysphoria has been at an all time high, but all I can do is watch as I inevitably have to perform femininity and for what? The sake of my quality of life and future? She said that being trans would make my easy life go into “hard mode”, and that trans people have a higher rate of suicide, but failed to consider how being there for me could lessen that burden. I feel entitled for wanting more but angry that someone I thought would be the first to support me shut me down completely.

Is there anywhere I could go from here? I feel like if I come out to my stepdad she won’t have an excuse, and I don’t think he’ll kick me out, but I don’t want the house to be in conflict until I move out. Plus, I always want to be there for my sisters and the last thing I want is to lose them because “it’s inappropriate” or “they won’t understand”.

regardless, thanks for lending an ear (or an eye?). writing this all out was a little relieving :)

Hey kiddo, I'm so sorry your mom reacted like that, that's awful and completely unfair. Honestly, you're not entitled at all for wanting help. And yeah, the trans suicide rate is high, but her behaviour and the behaviour of people like her is the reason. Is life harder for trans people? Yes, but it isn't our fault, we didn't choose this. I'm so sorry kiddo, I'm always here to listen no matter what.

- dad x

[milky-rozen]

Jokes aside, it might look like I'm trying to push some sort of propaganda here with my latest posts, but lettuce aside (lmao), I'm perfectly aware of the historical and mythological contexts I often talk about and the lack of sources we have to defend certain topics. But, on the other hand, I can't stand when some people think they can make use of said missing information to prove that "homosexuality never existed in Ancient Egypt, let alone in its mythology" or to attack people who like to explore this topic with their art or thesis.

But most importantly, I can't stand when these self- entitled people think others aren't educated at all in such matters. Like, you have no idea how much time I've spent researching on these topics just for the sake of having some CRUMBS which could at least give me some sort of insight. But even if I didn't, no one gives these people the right to go against artistic liberty.

You don't like what you're seen?

JUST SCROLL DOWN. IT'S EASY AND IT DOESN'T COST A DAMN THING.

Some would argue that a little critique wouldn't hurt anyone. But I can assure you, ill-intentioned people are easy to spot. I mean we've all experienced what being in fandoms is like at a certain point in our lives, and I'm sure anyone can tell which opinion is helpful and valid and which is biased and rude on purpose. I've been there so many times I can recognize such people from a single sentence now.

Kinda, but yeah, it's not hard to notice, I promise.

[benicetome-365]

A note to my narcissist:

It's been a year since your original meltdown.

I've moved on. You haven't.

I've evolved and grown from this experience. You still haven't. Your texts and antics over the past year have confirmed as much.

You are so goddamn insecure and unable to see how abusive and manipulative you really are. Vindictive and destructive and petty and unjustly entitled - all things you accused me of. You are the cesspool that poisoned my behavior. I've had to resort to self-defense that looks like and smells like abuse to get you to leave me the fuck alone. (But as any sane person knows, reactive abuse when painted into a corner is not abuse.)

I have a boyfriend now. You still pine for me.

You can't seem to understand why I no longer want a future with you. No matter how I try explaining how I fell out of love with you, what you did to turn me off, that you in your current form are not good enough, that you continue to hurt me every single day - it still somehow doesn't sink in.

Let's quick compare apples to oranges. To see what puzzle pieces you're missing.

My boyfriend treats me right. He is light and jovial and makes it so easy to talk to him. To tell him things - including the negatives. He asks about my day pressure-free. He waits for me to get back to him - he understands I'm a busy lady. He's been gentle with me from the very beginning - something I've been sorely needing. In a world that only makes us harder, he allows me space to soften up, to be authentic. He's not judgmental. He listens to my boundaries the instant I set them. He amends his harmful behaviors the second I imply they hurt me - he doesn't make me beat my head against a brick wall, or make me explain myself ad nauseam. He gets to the heart of the problem and says 'y'know what, babe, you're right, I'll stop'. He inherently understands that boundaries are not barriers - they are pleas. 'Love me this way - that way hurts'. He sees my hesitations and respects them, cherishes them, allows us to go at my speed - he doesn't try rushing me. Sure, he asks for things, but when I push back, he doesn't cause a fight. He waits for consent before making a serious move. He knows how to read between the lines. Hear what I'm not saying, hidden amongst what I do say. I love that he's sometimes 2 or 3 steps ahead of me in our banter - I don't have to be the smartest one in the room around him. He cracks more jokes, better, more frequently. Gods, I love how verbose he is. He knows the difference between a matriarchy and meritocracy - something you notoriously didn't. He spell-checks. He's grammatically correct when it counts. He creates in his free time. I know what he does when we're apart - his life outside our relationship is not a complete mystery to me. He's taller than you. Neater. More skilled. More experienced. Older. Mature. More responsible. More diligent. A fellow survivor. A fellow thriver. He behaves like a liberal libertarian. Follows through on promises. Talks more. Is clear, calm, and consistent. Wants me for more than just sex. He has depth. He's so incredibly smart and outgoing and adventurous, even if he pretends to be stupid and shy and introverted. He has friends that he actively hangs out with, jokes with, hasn't abandoned. They are healthy people. They want me in their friend group. He is my teammate, my rock in the stormy sea.

He drove 40 miles to my place in the pouring rain while sick with norovirus because I missed him.

He's safe. He's dependable. He's everything I've ever wanted in a man.

He smells better. He tastes better. He feels better. His smile and jokes and antics make me smile. From anyone else, these things would chafe. From him? It's endearing. He actively takes care of himself and has goals and feelings and ambitions - he doesn't need my poking and prodding to get stuff done. I'm allowed to be a passenger princess at times, not exclusively the driver. If I let go, for even a second, I know he'll be there to catch me. If I take my hands off the wheel, his are there to take over. Gods, there are so many ways I admire him.

The difference is like night and day. He is in my league. He's a professional baller, while you're still in the kiddie leagues.

He impresses me every goddamn day, makes me fall deeper in love with him, not only because of what he does and how he behaves, but because I had lost faith that good men do exist. You made me doubt that it is possible to love and be loved purely, innocently. That love doesn't have to be a transaction. Singular actions exchanged between two people. That it sometimes hides in the moments two people share, doing and creating and building and plotting together.

He teaches me daily that love is not war or pain or torture. He is mending the heart you broke. He is the best field medic a wounded warrior could ask for.

I want to marry him. Be there for him. Grow old with him. I want to do all the things for him that you demand but don't deserve. Because he doesn't ask. He doesn't bulldoze when he doesn't get his way. He doesn't complain if I don't 'put out'. He is more receptive to the love I freely give - he sees the effort I put in and says 'that is plenty, ma'am, and I appreciate you'. He doesn't try changing me.

You made me believe I'm full of red flags and abusive behaviors. He has only seen four thus far: not consistently charging my phone chief amongst them. (That's it?? A device problem?? That's the worst I'm doing?? Surely there's something worse, something else I can change, something else I'm doing wrong - but he says 'no, just charge your phone; what if I need to call you at 3am?'.)

He is everything you are not. He is everything you could not do or be for me.

And I didn't even need to ask for it. He just is.

Like one of my favorite philosophers once said, you want a revelation, you want to get it right. But it's a conversation I just can't have [at all]. You some kind of resolution.

How's this: You want forgiveness. You won't receive it. Because you don't deserve it.

You haven't changed one goddamn bit. You lie when you say you've been making improvements - your behavior says otherwise. Your continued uninvited unwelcome stalking and creeping and checks say you're willing to violate boundaries eons after the lines have been drawn and dust has settled. I block you at every turn, you try finding ways around it. (I still don't know how you found my Reddit and TikTok profiles. I never interacted with you there, nor here on Tumblr. Your explanation makes no goddamn sense. Plus I only sent you one email ever - how the fuck did you make the leap from Outlook to Gmail to stalking my linked socials? I tested your explanation, you little punk. It wasn't anything but another head-spinning lie.)

You are still the vindictive, manipulative, destructive, violating, bulldozing, incessantly demanding, DARVO-ing POS you were the day I said 'okay' when you said 'I don't think we can be friends anymore'.

Your excuse is that you have autism and so should get a free pass.

Neurodivergency is not a valid excuse for being an asshole.

You made me doubt that I could be a good friend, a good lover. You made me think that all my best efforts weren't good enough, and never would be. You said I wasn't communicating well enough, or clearly enough, or in a dignified enough manner to satisfy your endless appetite for drama and vindication.

The kicker through all this: I DID communicate. I gave you what you wanted, in the format you wanted, and I was still somehow the bad guy. It is not my fault you didn't hear me and my pleas, resisted understanding me because how could you possibly be wrong?. How do you not see how frustrating it is re-explaining myself for a full calendar year trying to get you to understand me? For nothing. I've wasted so much breath and headspace and mental load dealing with you and your BS. I'm so sick of it. I'm so tired of this.

Everything coming out of the narcissist playbook, you did to me. I've had to drag myself from the fire, shudder and wince as the wounds scarred over, and hope that my pieces were good enough for somebody, anybody. I have to go the extra mile to prove the veracity of my feelings, because you gaslit me so bad, you taught my brain that my feelings and thoughts might be wrong or untrue.

You taught me it's healthy to think, 'you believe you love him, but do you really?'

Good thing my boyfriend is a licensed electrician. I'm in serious need of rewiring after your amateur hour.

He deserves my undivided attention. My full bandwidth - including the portion you keep stealing.

Your thievery ends today.

I've given you 365 days to prove that you've changed your ways, are sorry for the hell you've put me through, are repentant, will provide me just restitution - the kind I've been asking for, not the kind you lovebomb me with. And you've failed on all these accounts.

You winch and moan about me ignoring your email, your last-ditch attempt to get me to reconsider your offer of mental and emotional slavery. You sent it to the wrong inbox. I never received it. I likely know what happened, which non-existent inbox it went to. [Someone is awful at spell-check.] I likely know what your missive says. The victimhood inherent therein. The entitlement. ($800 for box seats at a Husker game? Wtf? I don't even like them that much. A box is so isolated from the aesthetic of a game, plus I'd be alone with you? I'd be miserable and bored. Do you actually know me the way you claim?) Your faux pas was for the best, because this make-up email is likely as pathetic and shallow as your original letter.

I'm no longer going to entertain your nonsense. You have no further audience in my court. This is the last you will hear about your existence from me.

The next time you contact me, or make a move in my direction - it will result in legal action.

I hope your soul withers. Clearly my attempts to nurture it weren't good enough.

But don't worry, all this love and care and faith won't go to waste. I know exactly where to invest it.

He is a much worthier person than you'll ever be.

[yuseirra]

One more thing, I always want...to persist with the idea that someone really wouldn't have done things with bad intent, I feel it's better to live life with that as your schema, when you cannot really change what someone else does, it's happier to believe they didn't mean bad. It can be such a fragile belief, I had my share of hardships in my life too but I guess I've been lucky enough to be able to hold onto it so far. That's why I feel like, it's.. Great to express about all the good things about someone you can encounter but you have to be really cautious in terms of making a negative judgment about an individual. If it's an inanimate object, it's fine. And some people are just unforgivable. Some aren't as unforgivable but they are a disappointment and so on. But you never really know what's going on in other people's heads before they bring it out forth and sometimes it isn't even expressed so well as they intended it to be because language isn't perfect.

They do this, and done that, it's really easy to go on about what other people are like, but even I can't really change myself as a person so would someone else do it if I say it. I say the chances of that happening are so low. That doesn't mean you can't express your disapproval towards something, either. But you really can't..be so sure. If you're really in the right either. I think it's a good thing the world isn't so black and white in reality.

Funny how I really have a want to understand others and resonate with people and thus I studied psychology(a bit)it was fun. I have a huge desire to understand people. I have a lot of occasions where other's feelings just rub off on me and I absorb them. In that case, I want to know if what I'm feeling is so valid and worth it and it's not just me being entitled or overprojecting and all you see? If I have it... I want to make sure I can put it to some use.

It's sad feeling disappointed, angry, depressed, some sort of negativity towards something. Wouldn't it be nice if I never had to feel it? I really don't enjoy expressing such things towards another... I believe, what I create and my drive comes out of love and passion towards a thing. Really don't want to lose it...love is so powerful. I think I have a lot of it when it comes to things I'm passionate about. Hope that does get sent through one way or another. It's something that works in a really interesting way, perhaps it's a subject worth studying. I use it as a theme in many(if not all)of my stories too~

In "Man's Search for Meaning" was it? Hahh;; I remember it having said something like: the ones that held onto baseless optimism were the ones who died first, yeah, I tend to keep hoping. I've been let down a lottt of times. But I'm still alive I guess. Maybe it's a matter of how you hope really. I kind of want to rip it out and throw some of it away, some of my feelings away, it hurts more when you care more. I'm definitely going to suffer a lot when I have my precious things reaped away from me one day.

If I loved and felt less, I'd be a different person. Maybe someday I'll grow numb. I wonder if that'll be a good thing. Till then, I believe I'll have to live this way...I wish my love would pay off. I wish it wouldn't have me felt regret for having cared for something... In terms of people, I did find good ones in my life. For fandoms!!!! I wish they'd stop giving me pain!! Why can't things just end normally what's with these artists going for some shock artistic value uugh

So yeah. Just stream of consciousness. I hope you all have a good day♥ ugh..ugh..I really do hope that piece has some resolution!! I wanna wish it well!! Isn't that love!! I just. Uh huh. Kinda sad I have no power over it. But I don't consider myself to be as capable as those two artists responsible for onk either. I want to understand what they're doing~~~that's all.