#You cannot eat the money
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Bilan du Pumpkin Autumn Challenge 2022 : L'étrange cueillette
Cette fois, je participe sans pression, donc je choisis une faim de loup garou soit valider une sous categorie par menu. C'est donc chose faite.
Cher.e.s Voyageur.e.s, Aujourd’hui, je vous présente ma pile à piocher du Pumpkin Autumn Challenge 2022. J’ai décidé de participer sans pression à une autre session du Pumpkin Autumn Challenge. En quoi ça consiste ? Le challenge est dirigé et crée par Guimause Le Terrier. Il se déroule entre le 4 septembre et le 4 décembre 2022. Le but, c’est de lire des livres correspondants aux thématiques…
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#PALduPAC#PAPduPAC#PumpkinAutumnChallenge#Automne de l&039;étrange#Automne douceur de vivre#Automne rayonnant#Challenge littéraire#Chante-moi une chanson sassenach#Deux citrouilles en valent mieux qu&039;une#frisson#La cueillette des champignons#La maison Slanghsters#Le don des merriwick#Les mystérieux habitants de pottsfield#PAP#Pumpkin autumn challenge#Rendez-Vous Littéraire#You cannot eat the money
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S5 EP6: FOUL PLAY (2/2) is now out exclusively for Patreon!
As a reminder, you can read episodes EARLY (sometimes as early as a month or two) on my Patreon, where I post new updates as soon as I finish them.
#patreon#because i need to eat!#thank you for your support#if you cannot support with money that's fine!#just a shout out to those who can :)#and might want to
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Are those Aurora lyrics on your non vasco x machete art?? Sorry i just got distracted by that but your art is SO LOVELY
They are! Big fan of hers.
#answered#anonymous#the “when the last three has fallen and rivers are poison you cannot eat money” line is from her song “The Seed”#the piece's color scheme was inspired by the music video as well
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My new AURORA drawings 🩷
#chiasa-art#aurora#aurora music#aurora aksnes#Fanart#digital art#artists on tumblr#You cannot eat money#Aurora things#chibi art#chibis#my art#my style#drawing#digital drawing
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why cant my dad just do things for himself once and awhile im so tired of this
#he has physical issues and mental but bro he doesnt even try to help himself#hes in pain constantly and wont do jack shit about it#and he KNOWS if he starts doing a little more than sit and watch tv all day he'll feel atleast slightly better#the healing process is painful both physically and mentally but he hasnt even started it#he makes me so mad oh my god#i grew up with my mom telling me “he acts that way because hes in pain” DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT#he literally tries nothing. hes gonna die in the next 10 years#hes unhealthy and overweight and barely eats and his teeth are all messed up and he cant eat anything without it hurting like hell#but nooo he wont go to the dentist noooo#we HAVE insurance its not like a money thing jesus christ#ive barely had a father because of this he's constantly in pain and so he doesnt want to talk to anyone hes threatened to hit mymom and#later blamed it on his back pain#oh my god i cannot live with him anymore im so tired of it#he doesnt even.work my mom has to work until night to feed us and keep this house running and then my dad buys random shit off the Internet#and then fucking turns around and YELLS at my mom after she gets home from a looong day of work asking Why she spends so much money#its HER money. idgaf if you share a bank account or whatever its HERS she earned all of that and spends it on shit YOU NEED.#he has brought NOTHING to this family for the last 10 years besides being a father andhe DOESNT EVEN DO THAT#ohhh and his medicine he takes for all this pain “helps him” no the fuck it doesnt hes still in somuch pain. and then it makes him tired#and he sleeps all day ohmygod#hes just there at this point. i come home and dont even look at him cuz i Know hes sitting in that stupid chair in the living room#ive tried so hard to understand that “oh he's just..acting like that cuz hes in pain and .cant help it” I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE#it feels like i barely have a father#and the audacity he has to boss me around. like i understand im your child but oh my god let me live. i dont wanna end up like you#okay hes in pain yeah? DO SOMETHING ABOUT. IT that is NO excuse to be a shitty dad. NO excuse#oh yeah i have a dad but hes emotionally distant and never sees me becausehe wont get off his lazy ass#but yet i cant stop loving him. hes so much like me sometimes and that scares me#im going mad okay
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“The planet does not need more 'successful people'. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds.”
-the Dalai Lama
#buddhism#tibetan buddhism#capitalism#capitalist hell#capitalist dystopia#anti capitalist#eat the rich#eat the fucking rich#fuck capitalism#you cannot eat money
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thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3
#its thursday quest#god i'm so anxious about it autism style. so many uncertainties that i simply cannot account for alone. but i'm being sooo 'brave' about it#(keeping it to myself. except for posting about it)#taxi company hasn't texted me the drivers' details yet and i emailed them to be like ummmm your policy is to pay before the day#would you like to email me the payment details so i can do that? and they were like 'we'll send the driver details soon' ummmm#there isn't much soon left!!!!!!! it's happening tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!!#they're probably just not Organised™ in the way i prefer to be. which is objectively fine it's just challenging for me personally.#i do not think it's Bad but!!!!! i've never taken a taxi before <- guy who Is Scared Of Taxis Specifically but has to face#their fears because they're disabled and have no other choice.#worst case i am down the money and no-one arrives to take me home i guess :P but it'll be afternoon AND my family are there so#in theory i could just get a lift home even though that would mess up other people's plans sooooo bad. UNLESS they have already drunk uhhhh#in which case i guess i'd just ask for help calling a taxi to the place. plany of people who can do such things easily (unlike me)#it'll be fine!!! i can ask my siblings if need be bc they are so niceys and will not get mad at me for being autistic o7#My other worry is being too hot and being in a rush getting ready bc i have to eat a proper meal due to the symptoms syndromes#and we are leaving when my lunch usually is so that's a whole thing. which ALSO doesn't matter and I can do! it's just hard!#where is that post that's like 'managed mental illness can look like absence of mental illness 😅'. NOT saying being autistic is mental#illness i am saying that the specific extreme anxiety i have is for me linked to autistic issues with 'the unknown' and boy. does this#social situation also have a lot of unknown.#BUT I CAN DO IT! and dare i say even have a nice time!!!!! it's just i get so so scared beforehand but i will not express it in a way that#impacts or inconveniences anyone else!!! i can handle it by myself at my house and it'll be fine
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Thinking about the “Usopp loves Darkwing Duck and Sanji loves Card Captor Sakura” thing from ages ago and now I’m imagining them going trough the hardest challenge a weeabo and a western animation geek can go trough: moving in together.
All the merchandise, the prints, the commissions they gave years ago and the buttons from various cons, it’s an actual nightmare for both of them to somehow try and find space for everything. Sanji hates Funko Pops with a passion, Usopp loves them. Sanji has a giant body pillow of some random anime girl and Usopp feels inadequate. The biggest issue however arrives when they try and decide where Sanjis collection of ero figurines is supposed to go. Sorry not sorry but you KNOW he has some of them. It’s actually not as bad as Usopp expected at first but it’s still a challenge to find a place for them because Usopp does NOT want them in the bedroom like Sanji used to have in his bachelor pad
They actually get into a heated argument at one point while they are running on coffee and lack of sleep. “OH YES IT WAS SOOOOO IMPORTANT TO YOU TO HAVE A SPACE FOR YOUR CRAFTS BUT NOOOO DONT LET YOUR BOYFRIEND HAVE SPACE FOR HIS STUFF AT ALL!” “FUNNY YOU SAY THAT, BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONE FLIPPING OUT BECAUSE I JUST NEED MY BIG TITTED CATGIRL FIGURINE TO LUST OVER IN THE HALLWAY FOR EVERYONE TO SEE!” “*GASP* DONT TALK ABOUT HIBIKI-CHAN LIKE THAT!!”
They don’t talk to each other for what feels like ages (Twi hours maximum) and they finally make up when the guilt gets too much. They both compromise on each selling a few of the things they aren’t as invested in, Sanji agrees to move a few of his more risqué figures to a space where he gets to see them but they can easily be hidden if visitors come over, some of the more decent ones like the pinup one of a lady in the bathtub actually are tame enough to be put in a more open spot even Usopp has to admit (plus her sitting on the bathroom shelf surrounded by both of their soaps and haircare products looks quite cute actually). Usopp keeps most of the Funkos on his work desk at Sanjis request. It’s the nerdiest home ever with some clashing aesthetics but they make it work trough the power of love and because both of them are creative people who can incorporate that into their home space.
… also Usopp has started a game where he will just randomly replace his boyfriends figurines and wait for his boyfriend to notice. Like elf on the shelf but more elaborate and with anime or cartoon figurines. Currently Sakura is being carried away by a bunch of Pikmins in the shoe closet. Sanji has noticed she’s gone but hasn’t said anything because that’s not how the game works. He’s supposed to find her and then yell “GODDAMNIT SAKURA!” Before carrying her back to her spot…. He’s already planning his move though and has decided he’s gonna try and put Grunkle Stan in a glass of water in the freezer with a single lone ice Pikmin guarding him.
This is the realest, most accurate thing in the whole world. They'd move in together but they'd be a mess. They have... Very different tastes when it comes to games/shows and they obviously can't decide what to do with the space they have.
But! They also have things in common. The thing is... They like the content in different ways.
Usopp has a huge Alphonse figure. Beautiful. Next to his Gurren Lagann figurines and so, so many robots. So many mechas. He has the three Gravity Falls diaries. All the Ducktales comics. Darkwing Duck was just the start because he's also a huge DC fan and has so much Batman merch. He's got this extremely awesome replica of Junpei's sword from P3. Everything is high quality and he's very, very careful with his merch. He has his own fanarts in a sketchbook and nobody is allowed to touch his games and his consoles. From Play Station to all types of Nintendos. He has so many damn Funko Pops of everything. Typical "For the last time, Sanji, I keep them inside the box because the box is also part of the merch what aren't you understanding-". Not to mention that he's a huge Lord of The Rings fan and he definitely plays D&D and he's also a botanist so you can only imagine how their house looks like-- So many plants-- Forest aesthetic. Except their front door that looks exactly like the Tardis because Usopp was dying to do that ever since he was a kid, and when he showed Sanji the show he fell in love with it and let him do it.
Sanji likes the same stuff but he has a very explicit Lust figure. Next to his adorable Nia and Yoko figurines and so so so so so many cute simple merch. Like keychains and stickers. I am 100% sure Sanji has Gravity Falls pajamas and Ducktales too that nobody but Usopp knows about. I think one of the only man figurines he has is a Starlord one and maybe Shazam merch, but he's more of a Superman type of guy. He saw Lois Lane and fell in love with her instantly. He has a Mitsuru figurine riding her bike and one of Chidori and Junpei he doesn't let anybody touch. That's precious to him. He asks Usopp to draw him stuff and that's why Usopp is always late to his commissions because his boyfriend suddenly wants to be drawn next to Senshi cooking. Sanji doesn't like Funkos but he does like Nendoroids and Usopp hates it because they're so fucking expensive and Sanji is always crying in the background ("But- But-" / "Sanji, we've talked about this-" / "But this little Miku is so cute!"). Sanji also plays videogames but he's more of an Animal Crossing/Cooking Mama/Stardew Valley type of guy. So many Dating Sims, too. Also the Sims, he loves that.
Their bookshelf is a mix between shoujos and so so many shonens but mostly cooking books and artbooks. So many DC comics too. I feel like both of them prefer DC tbh, Usopp is just Batman and Sanji likes Superman and instead of fighting about it they just admit they're really gay for each other. They do watch Marvel movies, though. Sanji really, really, really likes Spider-man and it's funny because he has arachnophobia and he cannot watch the damn movies without shaking when a spider shows up-- Usopp has Miles' jacket and Nikes I am so so sure. While Sanji probably has a Gwen poster in his room.
They argue a lot when it comes to how to use the space they have but!! Sometimes Sanji walks out of their room to make breakfast with Usopp's Batman t-shirt. And sometimes Usopp uses Sanji's Kero themed hair ties to tie his hair. And... They wouldn't change that for anything in the world.
They're also the type to watch/play anything together and go "Hey they're just like us fr" so now they have their house full of ship merch because those ships remind them of them,,, Those are the true romantic gestures.
Edit: Forgot to say Sanji has all of Taylor Swift's CDs and Vinyls and he's a very intense swiftie that makes Usopp wake up at ungodly hours to hear the new albums, while Usopp is like "I guess she's okay??? She's alright idk" because he literally only listens to movie/game soundtracks, indie shit and Cavetown. They both listen to Vocaloid though that is true. I was there. Project Sekai players that's what they are (Sanji does it for the cute girls but ends up staying because the characters are a bit too relatable and Usopp just really likes rhythm games)
#okay but i want to live in their house :(#i was projecting the whole time lmao i love all of this i want to live there let me in let me in#modern sanuso is my fav thing they wouldn't stop arguing about these things#everyone in sanji's restaurant: omg he's so mysterious and cool the chef is so cute i am sure he's got a very nice place#sanji when he comes back home: MY DEAREST LOOK I BOUGHT THIS 7000€ HATSUNE MIKU OFFICIAL FIGURINE NOW WE WON'T EAT FOR A WEEK BUT IT'S OKAY#i wholeheartedly believe he cannot be trusted around money when it comes to fictional pretty girls#usopp is the same bc you give him the chance to buy an official artbook and he spends all of his money on that#one piece#black leg sanji#usopp#sanuso
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the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier
#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it#like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point#i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child#so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg#and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me#i think this would be easier with a partner#this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough#unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american#i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled#i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything#(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works#cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted#i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift#by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook#indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable#and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least#i wish i was less pickyyy#sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food#i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish#and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying
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question: have any of you personally seen a dietician (not looking for experiences with nutritionists, only dieticians), and did you find it helpful or useful, and if you did see a dietician and you ALSO have seen a GI doctor, how did the experience compare for you in terms of helpfulness + how much you felt listened to and helped?
#i'm trying to figure out which doctor appointments I want to bother making and spending money about for potentially no return on investment#and right now i'm trying to figure out if I'd get way more practical help from a dietician or if I need to suck it up and find a#not-elderly not-male not-dismissive GI doctor first and THEN see a dietician#although I cannot afford a bunch of tests#so like???#trying to figure out if a dietician would be more helpful overall with me not HAVING any GI diagnoses or eating disorders#and just really struggling with food in both sensory ways and unpredictable digestion ways that don't correlate with food allergies#god i sometimes wish i had food allergies so i could have some predictability#but yeah. i'm leaning towards dietician but figured i should crowdsource experiences#since I know a lot of you have health issues you've also been trying to manage for years and probably have good advice#if it helps i'm also in a major city now and have a decent-but-not-great health insurance plan so I'm good on those two fronts#to do#health#I know a dietician can't diagnose anything but I'd love help figuring out how to get maximum nutrition even when i can barely eat anything#or when my body decides to start getting sick from or (tw emetophobia) puking up fiber or fatty foods#which thankfully isn't often#now that I do cannabis daily in microdosing I have so much less pain and bloating and nausea#but when it hits it HITS#and the last time I tried going without cannabis for a couple days and then eating a fiber muffin I was sick six times in one morning#and didn't get my normal eating ability back until dinnertime#luckily that's not normal for me#but my issues bounce up and down so much#and I lose weight so fast whenever my appetite goes from 'barely ever there' to 'negatively nonexistent'#and I had like. two months last year where I think i reached my body's natural healthy set weight#and i needed so much food but it felt so good energy wise and temperature wise#and i'd like to STAY THERE FFS#and I feel like a dietician would be helpful for making meal options for good#*good and hard and nuclear alert level eating difficulty times#anyway. crowdsourcing. yay!
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hm. so very depressed today. life really isn't worth living sometimes like evrrything is getting and staying worse
#image.txt#the rent i currebtly cannot afford is getting raised again for no reason#my essential grocery trip i just took where i got max 11 items was 64 dollars#forgot to pay this months insurance so instead of just paying a late fee i have to pay double next month#i cant fucking afford anything il#i got a flash tat with my tips i saved for weeks only for my mom to say that money could have gone somewhere useful#like thank you i know i just wanted one little sliver of happiness because i missed last years flash#like what if i just killed myself what would you do then#was it worth it was it all worth it just to keep a roof over my head and consistently eat dinner 4 times a week was it fucking worth it#i want to just give up i really really do
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This is going to sound unexpectedly specific compared to my usual vague-as-fuck questions. Context being: I want money, I cannot commit to doing commissions at the moment and drawing is my only marketable skill.
If you were to buy a character "adopt" - premade design for your use, art by me and no rights retained except to like merchandising that original art - would it be a significant factor in either a positive or negative direction if the art were originally done digitally vs traditionally?
Likewise, if you were to buy a traditionally-drawn adopt, would the inclusion of the original paper-and-ink drawing be a significant benefit to you that you would consider paying more than just "base" price for?
Third, regardless of medium, would you want "scratch" papers where I did the brainstorming before the final concept was finished - this wouldn't be at any extra cost i just wonder.
Fourth, would you prefer a "flat" sale or an auction? (I like buying things at auction-style sales, and it means you might get a cheaper price than i'd normally list whatever it is for, but I am given to understand that my preferences vary from the norm pretty significantly lol) .
Fifth, would TF or at lesat mecha designs be more interesting than non-TF ones or would more general "can use this as any oc for anything" type characters be more appealing?
Ah - sixth and last, do regular ocs appeal more or less than kink/fetish-oriented ocs like "suspiciously wide-hipped lady who just so happens to have a mouth in her crotch" or stuff in that vein lol? I'm not sure I can stop myself from coming up with at least one erotic as fuck design because that's just how my brain works, but it's good to know if i should try and focus on that or leave it be and just focus on concepts that seem interesting enough to get a shape out of.
#i know this is specific. please understand i want to eat good food again.#i am not in Serious Financial Worry i simply cannot afford takeout again. my dad is going to give me money when he gets around to it but#that might be any time between now and the end of the month#and about 80% of the money in my bank account is tapped for rx payments the second i get to the pharmacy so i cant spend basically anything#if you guys respond it'd be a big help#also if anyone is interested - first design im working on is a cordyceps-possessed archer elf lady.#and im thinking to list it for around $40-50 US and +$10 and shipping for the paper version#i get a good deal on shipping these days at least. i should be able to ship overseas for like $15-20 US and not $60 or whatever#eta. LOL. LMAO EVEN. ummmm im probably going to want $200 minimum for this archer design. theres three and a half full color illustrations#here. i detailed LACE. FIVE TIMES. INCLUDING A DIAGRAM#i spent eight hours i want like at least my old rates lol#its a cool ass design though. so its worth it. trust me <- biased#my mailing list as usual gets first pick of stuff like this#so if you want to see it go sign up for that and then come message me and ill forward you a copy of the email i sent htem#if they snap it up im not selling it publicly.
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hate my sister's shitty good for nothing boyfriend. can you imagine being a 30yo man with two kids who won't even scramble an egg. Not for his kids, not for his girlfriend, not for himself. literally if my sister doesn't leave out pre-made meals when he's watching the kids he will rip up bread or pour them dry cereal or open a granola bar and make himself microwave dinners. like, lowest effort possible. but if i mention this to my sis, she'll be like "no he's definitely cooked for the kids! he scrambled an egg for them once! i watched him do it!" but it's like...so he scrambled one egg in the last five years. just to like, prove he can? at your direct insistence? should we all clap? like seriously. hate this guy. had to really hold back recently because he had someone over and he was interacting with the kids more than usual for appearances, and he had to keep asking me and my sis what the 5yo was signing because he barely bothered to learn his own son's primary form of communication. i was so tempted to say "that one means 'go home' but you wouldn't know that because you don't take them anywhere." so hard to hold that in. If I had to describe this man in two words they would be these: Low Effort. Not quite bare minimum, but JUST enough to convince my sister that it would be too much hassle to get rid of him. he's stupid as fuck, but just smart enough to quickly stop shit like screaming obscenities at the kids for doing normal kid things. and he once stomped on my headphones and broke them in a fit of rage, but gave my sister money to replace them so it was "fine." Like, my sister thinks that he's just struggling with his anger issues, because he had a bad childhood, blah, blah, and oh he would never actually hurt her or the kids. and like, good for you, but i don't trust like that. genuinely hoping he gets struck by lightning and dies instantly.
#my sister and i do all the hard stuff and most of the easy stuff too tbh#cooking and cleaning and sorting out benefits and insurances and getting the kids to school and events#doctor's appointments and medications and dentist appointments and taxes#we get the groceries and care for all the pets and kids and household things#we both have jobs#i actually have 3 jobs#good for nothing boyfriend makes $12 a year plus some under the table cash as a “private trainer”#which means between that and selling his plasma and borrowing money from his mom he can...pay his super cheap tiny part of rent#and occasionally hand my sister like $20#he doesn't buy groceries or diapers or household supplies or clothing or toys or literally anything#literally the only household chore he does is fold laundry#that's it. and it's not “DO” laundry. it's just folding the clean and dry stuff#you know. the chore my parents would have us do when we were like 10 so we'd feel helpful#the 5yo is medically complex and we frequently make trips to a slightly distant hospital with him#and they literally asked us to stop bringing my sister's boyfriend along because he was disruptive and confusing#which was a polite way to say 'obnoxious and stupid as shit'#do you know how many times in one visit w/the same doctor he would ask 'so when does he get superpowers?'#he also obviously didn't know how to answer basic questions like 'how many times does he poop a day on average'#and 'how often has he been eating and what has he been eating day to day?'#like bro this man can go days without changing a diaper and will not even heat up a can of spaghettios to feed his own kids#he cannot answer those questions with any kind of accuracy#also i'm saying boyfriend because my sister desperately wanted to at least be engaged so she could say fiance in front of ppl#but just like marriage this was apparently a 'waste of effort'#not even the cheapest ring or the most underwhelming proposal or a courthouse wedding was worth his energy so...#yeah glad she hasn't married this waste of air. and i'll be praying for that lightning strike
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So yeah avoiding my phone didn't work and also meant I sat on the kitchen floor staring into space for about 3 hours before Alfie woke up but hey at least I didn't break anything
Them being around is helping a little but they're also struggling and it fuckin sucks bc I know we're both just. Rotating money stress in our minds
#like. i went out earlier to get bread#just bread bc we cant afford anything else#got just enough in the bank to cover the work thing but since management stjll hasnt gotten back to me on HOW to pay it its like#our electricity is already in debt lol it has a thing where you can go £10 into debt before it switches off#and it usually wont switch off over weekends#presumably bc all but 1 places nearby thst we can top it up at are shut on weekends but anyway#so we're like. okay. it MIGHT last today and if it does thst SHOULD mean itll last till monday.#but then itll be at least a tenner in debt#then we only have to last till thursday but its. do we keep this money thats for The Thing that is once again unclear on how urgent it is#or do we spend it on the Soon To Be Immdiately Urgent thing#and thats not even CONSIDERING food lmao we. i got 2 loaves of bread so we can at least survive on toast for a few days#we got 3 maybe 4 meals worth of stuff still in the kitchen#like...at this point i dont even care if i have to go a few days without eating at all to make it to thursday but its.#its so fucked up those are the terms im thinking in#and this isnt asking for more donations i really cannot take that today im at the fuckin bottom of my barrel#and already feel hopeless and useless and an active drain to everything around me#but its. like. how. why. why is it still like this. why is it looking extremely unlikely its ever gonna change.#whats the point if its all for a few scattered handful hours of actual peace and comfort never mind happiness#tldr yes i am once again suicidal but small s#like in the sense of i would feel immense relief if a truck came at me on my way to work tomorrow and would not step out of the way but#dont have it in me to actually consciously act upon
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World is a shit right now….but at least I have AURORA…..and my friends….
#watch them preach in soured lies I would rather see the world through the eyes of a child……#we are stood yet somehow calm within the madness of the storm with no solution for the scared….#I cry for the world for everyone I can’t recall last time I opened my eyes to see the world as beautiful…#when the last tree has fallen and the rivers are poisoned you cannot eat money oh no…..#throughout the shit aurora still continues to make me feel Things#my stuffs#aurora
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Wow threats of violence and death woe is me. Bitch it's been like this for years if you hate me kill me already and if you don't plan to just shut that shit spitting asshole mouth of yours.
I have nothing to lose if he actually carried on with it, he'd do me a favour. It's funny to me he thinks he scares me and its even funnier he gets more angry when I laugh.
Bro I got used to your abusive shit, it's another day of you being an aggressive coward to me after I ignored you for months even if you wanted a reaction. I don't give a shit lmao
#misc#i cannot take him seriously#i remember i used to be scared back in 2019 lmao bruh hit me if you dare. ill make sure you never step foot in this house or out of a#jail cell for years#what's funnier is that i dont even talk to him he just attacks me like this because he hates me for no fucking reason other than jealousy.#because weve had the same shared trauma but he fucked himself up on purpose to be pitied and i held on and now im independent#and he hates that he cant have my attention anymore after all the years ive been the one TRYING SO HARD#homecooked meals and covering for his ass. cleaning his piss and puke and lending him money anf shit. listening to hi.#bro didn't even care to be nice the tiniest bit to me when i was on the floor after fainting or vomiting blood or when i needed rest because#i was going to work with a fever 10 hours a day to pay hospital and home bills.#lmfao abusive fuck#out of everyone ive left im glad he can see every day how good im having it since i stopped talking to him. thats why hes angry and follows#me around and stares and curses me out. im just quiet. neutral. no expressions no words. and it pisses him off. good eat your liver out#over it bitch#im leaving in 3 hours anyway lmao
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