#Yet you refuse to let go
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What’s holding you back?
#Continuing only brings you pain#Yet you refuse to let go#Trying to hold onto memories that shouldn’t be yours#In a body that’s long past it’s due#a walking corpse#and the children as your only tether#So why are you so determined to suffer?#qsmp#qsmp fanart#badboyhalo#badboyhalo fanart#bbh
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What are you looking for here? Scroll back up.
Just kidding, here’s a treat:
#laishuro#laios touden#nakamoto toshiro#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#Fic writing takes time but at least my wife is helping m#e proof read#for now.. i can at least draw the possible scenes that i wANT TO WRITE SO BAD but don't know how to go about em yet lol#STILL!!! As you can see i refuse not to let these dudes feel themselves a lil bit :)#Laios wants to feel all of those textures and toshiro's heart will explode with all the intimacy#also Laios' getting into the intricacies of the East culture that he starts to notice and enjoy things about Toshiro#also both of these guys have dad issues#that alone gives me TOO MUCH to work with >:)#But I must admit 70% of these are self-indulgent and I will not stop <3#Sam's doodles of the day#shuro
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a short story of becoming a med student
Mom: are you sure about this?
Baby Me: money doesn't matter bc I'm gonna heal people.
Adult Me, facing a 1/2 million dollar U.S. student loan debt: *Alexa playing Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen in the background.* MAMAAAAA ~OOoooOOOHHH, didn't mean to make you cryyyyyy 😭
#If you know then you know#I knew it was expensive but darn not this expensive#inflation and corporate greed made it so much worse#I wrote out hopes and dreams in my personal statements only to be slammed into reality by capitalism in the end#just realizing why some docs are portrayed like a*holes bc wow I'd be grumpy too if I'm in that much debt#you may wonder what kind of education you're getting for ~90K tuition/year and think oh maybe all books and tests and kits are accounted fo#but no it's just the price of being taught in a building by teachers or in some cases zoom/videos after which you'd relearn via youtube#Yet somehow teachers are seemingly being underpaid and extra expenses is all on you so where is the money going??#People keep telling me I'd make it up as soon as I get a salary#but idk if they fully grasp the possibility of starting at 500K in debt with a loan that compounds DAILY#I refuse to let this defeat me and my dreams darn it but the U.S. education system is so f*ked up#mine#Sorry guys but I just needed to vent before starting a scholarships search and tuition probably goes to more things than just that#medblr
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The Interlude. A renowned and reclusive playwright pays a visit backstage.
#asteroid city#asteroid city fanart#conrad earp#jones hall#comic#may be my last post of them for now#if i have some self control#these comics are like my little night treat after working on other things#but they'll become the main thing if i'm not careful ahah i know myself#it's a good exercise tho letting go of something you know you could refine for a while#i don't even know how to draw them properly yet but as always i refuse to let it stop me#anyway hope you guys enjoy!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"this love letter begins, to adam from your ribs, so-called intelligent design, without you i would die" ok buddie core
#i cant lose you yet i refuse to let you go loving you is in my bones#ok buddie coded.#like this is so fucked up#adams ribs jensen mcrae#buddie#911 abc
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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We are 9 episodes in on My Stand In and I'm still hissing at my screen every time Sol shows up.
That man was really out here ranting and raving and being all WHY AREN'T YOU GUYS MAD about Ming as if he was the one being wronged like Joe didn't whole ass watch his damn body be cremated the day before. He really thinks he a main character and he's not even the possible second choice love interest.
Like he really dragged Joe away while he was calling for Ming and then told Joe to snap out of it cause Ming doesn't love him. Good to see he's still willing to physically drag Joe away from things he doesn't like, no matter what Joe wants, even in his second life.
He also has the audacity to be out here refusing to read the damn room and see that Joe looks uncomfortable AF anytime he drops a random "I care about you so much" line because it's not needed nor appreciated. He smooth brought Joe into his press conference to call him his boyfriend! And we all know good and damn well Joe wouldn't have agreed to that.
And then he was out here trying to fight Ming at the afterparty saying he doesn't give a fuck knowing good and damn well it would be Joe's ass if a public fight happened because he is the most unknown of the unknowns, while Ming's family is wealthy and Sol is, at the very least, semi-famous.
He's just always talking mad shit about how Ming is terrible and how he wants to save Joe from him and blah blah, but then he's instigating fights with Ming left and right. And personally, if I knew my friend was with a shitty man, I wouldn't keep antagonizing that man knowing my friend is the one who's dealing with the consequences every time. But I would actually want better for my friend because I care about them as a person and not as an ideal image I built in my head of someone I want to date. And that is clearly where Sol and I differ.
Like Ming is a delusional asshole, no argument there, but Sol is a Nice Guy and nah. I want him GONE. Let him go back to Korea and get some dick there. Cause he's not an option for Joe, nor was he ever at any point during this show, yet he really thinks he has relevancy here. Ming is better than me (or more insecure) cause I would have long since told Sol you don't compare when you don't compete.
#my stand in#my stand in the series#I am here today because I am a Hater#I am a Certified Sol Hater#like I'm sorry he IS NOT a good friend to Joe#simply because he refuses to accept any of Joe's boundaries#and yes Ming is terrible and it would suck to watch your friend be stuck with a terrible man#but nothing Sol has done has helped Joe out of that situation#and in fact has made shit a lot worse with his jealous shit stirring#and no actual friend would be intentionally riling up their friend's shitty man if they actually cared about their friend#I'm not sorry I'm not sorry#Sol could be a good friend to Joe but he'd have to let go of his delusion that Joe will ever pick him#Joe moved on YEARS ago when Sol went ew and ran away to Korea rather than face Joe's homo feelings for him#it's unfortunate for Sol that he missed his chance but it's not Joe's problem to deal with now#and he has said several times he does not see Sol like that#and yet he keeps being all I CARE ABOUT YOU I'D NEVER DO THAT I'LL BUY YOUR SHIT FOR YOU I'LL PAY YOUR DEBTS#it's just not cute#regular clyde
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i actually feel so incredibly uncomfortable and isolated in this space right now and i know that’s silly because of how many people there are just like me who share the same feelings but idk…the fact that people even think this is defensible behavior is making me feel sick
#nothing quite like being reminded how disposable you are#during the pandemic that set the stage for everyone to show exactly how much they don’t care about disabled people#i’m tired of people not taking this shit seriously and i’m incredibly angry about it#because i know y’all who are reckless and ignorant and think you’re invincible are going to be the same ones begging to be let in#when they ultimately become disabled too.#and you know what? i’m not ready to give those people grace yet#been screaming it for years but nobody listens until it’s too late#have already had people with obvious long covid who spouted ableist rhetoric this entire pandemic#come to me asking for advice#and honestly? i don’t think you deserve advice#i have so much empathy but i’m TIRED#i don’t fucking care anymore i get that we’ve been lied to this entire time but if you actually wanted to do the research you would#and since i know nobody cares about protecting others#i think you would at least care about protecting yourself considering how selfish you’ve proven yourselves to be#this is at the entire world and everyone who refuses to wake up to the fact that we are screwed#disabled people have been telling you this entire time and it’s still a fuckimg joke#and it will only become serious when it affects them directly#i’m so angry right now#and honestly? if you feel like this is about you at all? in any way? that’s your sign#do fucking better. TEST WHEN YOURE SIXK#stop fucking going out when you’re sick unless it’s necessary#i’m so so tired
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The primary is for voting for.
The general election is for voting against.
#the primary is for building. the general is for mitigating.#most people do not get to vote for their primary pick in the general election#but it's not virtuous to then refuse to mitigate because you found yourself in the disillusioned majority#remember that America is unique for having pro-life candidates at all#and yet Christians have not disenfranchised themselves in other countries#and we're not going to miraculously make America more pro-life by letting the more staunchly pro-abortion candidate win#x#respublica#Election 2024
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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Kai cenat is gonna play bloodborne im sorry but im gatekeeping
#nothing against the guy i appreciate his enthusiasm#yet this will draw some attention from the more... well! not so versed people#i dont know but frol all the souls games bloodborne feels like the one you gotta take more delicately#maybe its the lore or worldbuilding but honestly#i dont want to see new fans take us back to the gehrman discourse#neither with the doll or anything i hate when female characters get watered down to jack off material#and considering in bloodborne theres quite a lot of them that are wonderful ladies with their flaws im afraid they wont appreciate them#same with the males! especially if we are speaking of lets say laurence micolash etc all those guys#people sometimes refuse to put aside characters deeper lores in exchange of a shallow view#and honestlt even if NOT everyone will get into the lore it just feels like#if youre not gonna bother with the lore dont just go around talking smack ykwim#ughhhjhhhhhhhh#i just dont like the brainrot fans they got 3 jokes and none of them are funny#im fucking sick of sellen fj jokes they are repetitive#even worse when the fj jokes are under cosplayer vids like didnt we learn decorum#good lord sorry for the yap im a little pissed
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laura (1944) / laura by vera caspary -- waldo and laura meet
bonus deleted scene from the movie script, with a third interpretation of their meeting --
#laura#1944 laura#vera caspary#laura hunt#waldo lydecker#gene tierney#clifton webb#lulu talks about 44 laura#lulu makes gifs#i WANTED another gif from the movie but tumblr refuses to let me move all the images around if i do more than 5 in the top of the post so!!#damn. gonna have to reshape screentogif just a hair to get that line at the bottom out. didn't see it until now#'IT'S FINE IT'S FINE I'M NOT REDOING IT!' -- lulu vandelay while making gifs bc she will NOT re-save and re-optimize YET AGAIN#oh god though i missed an s in the third gif but who's looking. who's counting. i will NOT do it again#me: okay i'll just whip this up before i go to bed.#me an hour later: .............................well. technically. that was with relative speed.#(then i had to redo one of the book pages bc i misspelled a word. sigh.) (i mean. that's a quick fix. a gif? NOT QUICK. not for a caption)#if you are thinking 'wtf? fawn-like????' i must inform you that that is in fact NOT the worst or the most uncomfortable thing#waldo says about laura in the book.#also it's been five years since they met in the movie vs seven years in the book#i do like the second and third gifs right next to each other -- their swapped positions....
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so many young women recently desiring to be stay at home mothers….the ironic part of it is that all of those women that do become stay at home moms will one day understand why the women before them fought so hard for them to not have to fulfill that role at the point at which they realize that their personhood has been entirely sacrificed in the name of motherhood & there is no going back on that. all women who are stay at home moms are forced to put themselves aside to take care of their children and husband & are forced to make that their entire identity & that is exhausting and dehumanizing. that is how betty friedan started second wave feminism w the feminine mystique. bc women finally realized that all women hated being housewives & there wasn’t smth wrong w each of them individually as they had all believed. but those that do not learn history etc etc……
#michelle speaks#being a stay at home mom is not sustainable for women in our society for a million reasons#& yet some women refuse to see that just to live out a fantasy they were sold as young girls#& for many of them i cannot blame them bc they r forced into it before they have the ability to really learn that there r other options#but for the women who r in a position where they can actively choose how to live their lives#that they would choose to be stay at home moms despite the insanely oppressive nature of it 😩#the thing is that YES there is an issue of women being forced to do economic labor & then come home & do the same amount of domestic labor#so now women r expected to do double the work right. however i want to propose a solution to this that might be crazy#women CAN & SHOULD set higher standards for men. do not marry a man that expects u to mother him. do not let him get away w slacking.#& yes that can be easier said than done. but my point being that setting higher standards for men while having independence that can allow#u to leave said man if need be is ALWAYS going to be the superior option to being entirely dependent on that man#listen i am DEEP on my sleep medication idk if anything i said made sense….#this woman on bb was like if i have 2 kids i’m not working i’ll br at home & i was like GIRL???? IN 2024???????#women should aspire to be so much more than someone’s mom…….u r a whole person w/o that.#this is mot to say that there’s anything wrong w wanting to be a mom it is abt women wanting it to be their whole identity#also this other woman keeps being like my husband LET ME be on the show girl he LET YOU???? IN 2024?????????????
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such is the tale of a ✨chronically online hypocrite✨
#(please forgive this old folk’s rambling for a hot min bc i need to get this off my chest somehow and in some way)#tl;dr: come and get into the hw idol series!!! we have ship discourse; more ship discourse; even more ship discourse#(yes ik people should be free to ship what they do b u t claiming a noncanon ship as canon and forcing it on everyone else is. not cool.)#yes yes friday’s mv was visually cute and ino.rin’s singing was peak b u t i feel like it has caused more harm than good in some way???#i cant b e l i e v e the jp hwtwt beef over friday’s mv is still going on mannnnnnnnn#no less than 3 separate people have made posts along the lines of#‘p l s stop using [official tags] to post about *[unnamed] non-official ships* p l s there’s a time and place for everything’#and n o n e of them even remotely run in the same circles yet they’re all banded together against a *certain* group lmfao never change hwtwt#lhy (esp yhy) shippers are always at the scene of the crime mannnnnnn#i cant see anything on their end of the naval battle (has every single lhy tag+account that i could think of blocked)#b u t it’s still really funny to witness on my twtdash against my will. i think i need to touch grass#‘kyhn isn’t canon either so why do you like it while being such a hater towards lhy—‘#great question!!!!!! it’s bc (disregarding the movie) they actually interact really well together~~~ like the honeypre event y k—#and also bc yukki treats hina really nicely all the time (even when she was being tsun and literally running from her feelings for him)#a n d hina loved him for who he truly was; even before his image change arc. and she also does her best to appeal to him and such~~~~~~~#but lhy. uh. they just bully hiyo 95% of the time and while they do look out for her bc they’re pals#they’re just pals. guys. and lxl have gone ‘uwu it must be u uwu’ to each other one too many times so shoehorning hiyo between them would.#be pretty weird ngl? esp since the ‘widely accepted’ portrayal of lhy as a trio is p much just hiyo x 2 dudes who dont even like each other#and. like. a branch of such portrayals usually seem to have aizo waft away from the ‘r/s triad’ to date mona instead which is. very weird.#some people just pick and choose aizo and mona interactions dont they. all they see is the umbrella scene and go ‘ah yes. canon’#they dont even read further to see how mona doesn’t even use the umbrella after aizo leaves (clear rejection)#a n d how aizo doesn’t even remember giving the umbrella to mona + mona’s entire existence in general after that#and that’s not even counting the grudge mona refuses to let go of even after what looks to be literal months#so for certain shippers to just casually shoo aizo out of the hiyoharem and into mona’s unwilling arms for the sake of yhy is. weird.#and like. shouldn’t he and yujiro have a say in this?? they’re more interested in each other than hiyo so just how are they being commonly#portrayed as hiyosimps in fanon? im so confused… like. wouldn’t they be equally obsessed with each other (as w/ hiyo) if they were a rstrio?#aaaaaa get this off my twtdash plsssssssss pls see this post twtapp pls let this affect your dumb algorithm im tired of the ship discourseee#as funny as the ‘lhy vs the world’ naval warfare is it’s getting. um. very annoying!!!! and now im missing nagisa more than ever s o b s#plsplsplsplsplsplsplsplspls influence the algorithm ragepost; ik big brother is 👀watching👀 so do your thing—#(pls feel free to duke it out with me too if y’all read this i need my birdsite algorithm to le a r n that i dont wanna see stuff like this)
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you can't help a man who doesn't want to be helped
#cant save a drowning man intent on sinking to the ocean floor#he'll only drag you with him. you gotta let go#that or drown along with him#something about the ocean being the supposed origin of life and yet impossibly vast and depth to the point of inhospitability#something about you are not made for your house any longer#you cannot help a man who refuses to be helped. who sees his suffering as sacred. who sees his pain as repentance#who sees his abuse as god#you can try#(please god you have to try)#how desperate must a dog be to chew its own leg off?#how hungry to eat a box of chocolates?#sal skiesly
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#i'm done i'm so fucking tired#i want to burn the internet to the ground#i want to destroy my computer chuck my phone into a river and go live in the middle of nowhere#no wifi no 4g no nothing#i want to die because we cannot fucking escape this shit#meta using my art to train ai and refusing my request to stop#my computer not being able to run glaze or nightshade or any of those ai poisoning thingies#spam emails and text messages and whatsapp messages and bots in the comments#and just EVERYTHING TRYING TO SELL ME THINGS WHILE ALSO STEALING WHAT'S ALREADY MINE#i hate it i hate it i can't fucking stand it anymore#and you'll be like ''then why don't you go offline then... nobody's making you have an instagram account''#and you'd be right... if it weren't for the fact that i chose the one fucking career that DEMANDS online presence#i already struggle to find work as an illustrator WITH social media and POSTING MY ART ONLINE#how the fuck would I do it if people don't see my art?!#and sure people have illustrated books way before the internet existed... sure... BUT IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT ANYMORE#i'm so fucking angry and tired and frustrated that there's no way out of this#the internet is becoming unusable yet life demands it#my only option right now it to fuck myself and my beliefs and let companies steal my hardwork for the benefit of..?#having no notes in my posts except for the bots commenting ''see 👀my hole 🍑 daddy 💦 kitten 😻 ready 4 u 🤤 subscribe🔥 pay 💲 me''#i'm sick of this#i don't want to delete everything i ever posted online because A. at this point that's useless and B. again. how the fuck would i get work?#also even then... emailing my clients their finished illustrations goes through google drive or gmail...#do we think google is nice and doesn't steal images to train generative AI?#''talk to your representatives they need to make laws about this'' my fucking president is currently chumming it up with elon fucking musk#while people here are starving to death#we're literally going to freeze this winter because the genius goverment has fucked up our gas supply and that's used not only for heating#but for ELECTRICITY PRODUCTION#so we won't have a wat to heat our houses cook or even fucking SEE AT NIGHT#and you want me to ask them to make copyright laws?!#i want to die
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