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flowerandthesongstress · 1 year

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TLDR: I have removed FatS from ao3. — I left the carcass in place. — If it was in your bookmarks and you wish to reread (and you're not swaddled in red flags, as in, you aren't an embodiment of the reasons why I deleted it in the first place), then just slide into my DMs. — Yes, my writing is free, always. I am not after monetizing my hobby. — It's not posted anywhere else, so if you see it online: 1) not me 2) please let me know.

The longer version is below. Contains negativity (duh doy).

After giving it some extensive thought, I have removed FatS from ao3.

I left the carcass of the work in place because:

hope is the deformed, attic-bound incest monster offspring of entitlement and fear a part of me still hopes that things will change, that the site will change (for starters, by acquiring a number of protective tools meant for authors, including optional tools to prevent mindless, empty consumption of ‘content’; this is naive of me, I know) or that my outlook will change and I will learn to give fewer forks and maybe then reupload it there in the future, to its original location (pun not intended)

I was loath to delete all of the comments, so what remains is actually the epilogue page

FatS already was plagiarized, so if it gets plagiarized again, or if someone reposts it under their name, especially for money, I'd have the aforementioned carcass in place, date-stamped, as some kind of tangible proof of authorship, and I wish I was being ridiculous or needlessly paranoid about it. I truly wish I was. I also wish that plagiarism was the only — or at least the main — reason for my catastrophic disillusionment. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I'm a stickler for rules, but I did not find anything in the faq that forbids users from doing this or merits reporting.

As I've said before:

—this blog was not created as a promotion or anything of the sort, although the additional irony doesn't escape me. 😔

—I am not and never have been after monetizing my writing; money and ambition are not why I write. I write to Process Things; most of these things are way too personal to monetize them even in theory, it'd be like trying to sell pieces of my soul.

—I shared in search of meaningful interactions and in hopes of making friends with like-minded people.

So yes, you can still read it, completely free. All you have to do is message me and have a conversation with me. Human to human. My contacts are here.

Same with my newer stuff that I didn't share online in the first place. Just please don’t wait for me to share it on ao3; I can't stress this enough. I'm repeating this because I've already had a number of interactions in the vein of ‘I thought I'd wait until you change your mind’. I'm sorry, but it's been two years, and I think by now it's pretty safe to say that ain't happening.

The only things I am more-or-less okay with sharing there nowadays are either gifts or request fills, or impersonal and half-assed things, or some outright goofing around (an example of what I mean), and they comprise no more than 5% of my writing overall. If you want the rest of the new stuff, please slide into my DMs.

As to why I removed FatS.

The reasons for this decision are numerous, none of them are pleasant or my fault, some of them match the overall reasons for me no longer sharing my writing publicly, and one of these reasons reared its ugly head very recently and became the last straw, I guess.

None of these reasons are rooted in me being ashamed of this novel or thinking that it’s ‘bad writing’. I really like my writing, even the parts from when I was still in the process of switching languages, learning, loving adverbs way too much, possessing a vocabulary of an ardent tourist, and fumbling for ground all over again. Me liking my writing does not stem from self-absorption, hubris, or from believing that I'm some 'god's gift to the world' (I'm just okay) and I know my limitations and my faults too. This fondness stems from mercy and self-compassion, from choosing to forgive myself for having these faults in the first place, to cherish what I create, and to respect the mind and body and well-being of the person who created it. "Love this vessel while you’re aboard".

FatS in particular is a monument to a really good albeit really hard period in our lives. This ‘monument’ is flawed and chipped and lopsided, yet I treasure it greatly — which, yes, is also one of the reasons why I think it should not be on ao3/publicly available.

I'd rather keep it at home. I'd rather keep most of my stuff at home. In this way, mindful and considerate people can still visit and look and poke it if they politely ask to be invited over, but vandals won't have the unrestricted freedom to stain it.

Yes, I am fully aware of every single psychological reason behind this outlook, and I know the reasons behind the reasons, and from there it's turtles all the way down.

And yes, of course I know of the internet archive's existence... Yes, of course I know that a word spoken is past recalling, especially online.

Just let me have this one, please.

Let me cling to the last sliver of this belief: that there are still people out there who would respect me and themselves enough to be kind and considerate and to extend their hand instead of oh you know; people mindful of the fact that I'm a human being with feelings, not a faceless content-churning machine that beeps for their entertainment and should never beep out of line. People who haven’t yet allowed capitalism to take over every single aspect of their lives and mindsets. Friend-shaped people.

→back to the main page

#génération désenchantée #for direct linking only #yaoife and floridaman and their bff yuri!!!on land

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wherestoriescomefrom · 3 years

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Hey, I have an academia aesthetic tumblr((not Desi, it's kinda exclusive , I do talk about my desi identity but mostly i post yk English/Italian photos)) , and I post, about my academics their, what I'm reading and learning (mostly stem). I do like cottagecore as well.

So, I read your post and I do not understand it. I am well aware of the casteism and I am not ignorant but I don't understand that what's wrong with this.

I just happen to like aesthetic, fuck colonisers but their architecture be good, yes, so is Indian architecture but I'm just liking that more these days so what is the problem.

I'm privileged, very, but I feel like a piece of shit since your post, I do not understand.

I am acknowledging it that so many people do not get to study and I'm not romanticizing it, I'm just talking about my life, and how I read and love to read and it is indeed a celebration of a "privilege" but what do i do? Not do this? Idk man? Idk

man i regret making that post. okay i reblogged it lately with more of an explanation, and here's the pull quote: "okay i was. in a mood the night i wrote this and i just wanted to say that i wish i had framed this with less anger and more gentleness. this was more of a personal rant, which has made it into the circles it speaks of. but for what its worth: i don’t actually have a right to be angry over this. i am UC, and as such, gentleness should come with my privilege. most of all, i wanted to apologise because this post makes it look like im not a part of this culture, which isn’t true. it isn’t as if i haven’t made posts about bollywood, or uncritically used the word “desi.”

i know this kind of online culture gives people joy. i have just seen too much of it which engaged uncritically, without acknowledging the wide wealth of history that is not uppercaste or north indian. (i think seeing another reclist with jhumpa lahiri on it did it for me. i’m sorry, i really dislike her as a writer… for personal reasons). i just wanted to express my problems with the version of india this kind of aesthetic produces, and provide context for my thoughts."

secondly. i know i'm not obligated to tell you what this means, but here goes nothing. often times, i feel, as UC people, we have a lot more access to global rhetoric. as such, being on very american spaces like tumblr, we get to talk to people outside of the mainland about our aesthetic, which is more often than not UC. the aesthetic that is used here makes me deeply, deeply uncomfortable mostly because of the sheer amount of labour that it glosses over. who do you think built the mughal buildings? do you remember the old story about the taj mahal, that shah jahan cut the labourer's hands after it was complete? for that matter, who do you think stitches the elaborate lehengas, the detailed zari work, and everything else it entails? it isn't us. we don't even pay a fair price for it. what makes me angry is that while there is more and more of an awareness of the inherent colonialism in dark academia, there is just not the same amount of awareness for casteism in indian academia. especially when brahmanism literally means that others don't get to study. idk, you can listen to Anurag Minus Verma's podcast on this, or maybe Buffalo Intellectual's. both good.

the aesthetic wouldn't even bother me so much if it wasn't for the rec lists. look, as upper caste people who have global audiences on tumblr, people pay attention to us. we're articulate, soft spoken, savarna. when i see reclists that regurgitate the same five indian authors as the be-all and end-all of south asian writing, i don't like it mostly because i know some non-indians are going to find it and think the same thing. it feels like such a disservice to the VARIETY of GOOD South Asian writing out there!!! i don't want to self promote, but here. i wrote a reclist a few weeks ago.

lastly. i don't actually care. you can engage with this aesthetic if you like, you can choose not to after this post, you can choose to engage with it more critically, do whatever you like. my intention was never to make people feel bad about what brings them joy. i don't think i was ranting for any reason except for my own, and i wish i'd either a) been gentler in what i was saying b) hidden the criticism from people who like leaning into this kind of online presence.

i don't care in the same way that i don't care about dark academia as a whole. it's imperialism, but it affects me very little as a mainlander. same with #desiaesthetic. it's more for nris than it is for me, and i can assure you, no one living in india actually cares either. i don't wanna say im involved in politics, but as someone with some experience of just student politics and indian academia, it's not like any of us sit and get mad at desi dark academia moodboards. as such, engage with it in whatever way makes you happy. me ranting to myself shouldn't affect your happiness, because you don't know me, and i might be a terrible person for all you know. who am i to pass judgement on what you do? i have no horse in this race. i do not make moral judgements on how you should engage with your media, that's entirely up to you.

i hope this answer made you feel better, genuinely. i don't want anyone to feel bad about the things i say, it was never my intention to do that. rest easy, sleep well, enjoy what you like in whatever way you like it.

unironically, love,

#sir i am very sleep and very tired i wish i knew what to tell you #just have an easy day #to the anon who asked about jhumpa lahiri: i will deal with you tomorrow #rest assured i also don't care that much about her #i just dont like her writing very much and thats a personal thing too #hello void this is ridiculosity #the people??? want me to answer???

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harry-sussex · 3 years

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You're lovely, and I enjoy seeing your blog on my dashboard. I'm sorry this has been such a difficult thing to process. It's always really difficult to rework an image of someone you once thought you knew. However I'd like to just put it out there - sometimes (I think the large majority of the time) news is presented in the most sensationalist way, such that nowadays I make a point of de-sensationalizing any news I read in my head. In the case of the whole Harry's memoir thing- I can sympathize with Harry as a person possibly just wanting to take back some control of the narrative for himself. Not just in the most recent events with family (that I tend to think are less horrifying than the fandom/Twitter sussex squad discusses it anyway), but in all aspects of his life. I do not at all think he's going to put his family on blast. I can easily imagine Meghan reigning that dialogue in; she has the tendency to think before she speaks that he seems to lack. And he loves his family. Similar to The Interview promos, I imagine the publishing house knew to increase the interest by implying it to be a tell all memoir. I think he's just done a lot of growing up that he didn't know he had to do over a short period of time, esp re: implicit bias/racism in the setting of media's blatant attack on someone he loves, and is disappointed by the institution's and his family's response to it. I think he's emerged a more introspective and aware human, albeit a disillusioned one. Yes it breaks my heart to think that Meghan won't get a break from the tabloids any time soon. If I were him I'd counsel him to write it & sit on it for a few yrs. But I don't want to give the media the power to destroy Meghan in my mind, and I pray she & Harry won't either. I think she'll be okay. She's a strong one, and I think he's able to draw that same link for himself and be thoughtful about what he does. No one likes being misunderstood/misinterpreted, and I wouldn't be surprised if Harry's especially triggered by that given his history with the press. Maybe this idea emerged from therapy, idk. I can empathize with that, even if I wouldn't do it myself. I hope and pray Meghan gets the support she needs from him and her loved ones in the meantime. I'm honestly not going to read it. I think the less attention I give the BRF the better off they are, unless they're doing something immoral/illegal (see: Woking pizza alibi). And I think at the end of the day, people will unfairly judge other people, especially public figures that have tragic pasts and are publically fighting with the media. A lot of it is going to be noise and I'm not going to give my energy into figuring it out. I like to think I've got a good sense of who they are as people - flawed but ultimately well meaning and earnest. I'm a huge admirer of Meghan and think Harry got really lucky with this one and I'm proud of him for choosing her in more ways than one. I believe Harry and Meghan are lovely people, and I 100% believe their interview. I believe that there are people in the palace with a lot of unchecked power who deliberately uncovered her and Archie from BRF protection for reasons of believed superiority over Meg & Arch. And they're figuring out how to deal with that as a couple and a family. And it's none of my business past that imo. I pray for them and hope it'll eventually end in peace for them all. Just wanted to add another perspective, and hopefully some levity. xx M

Hi, dear. First thing’s first, I really appreciate that this is off anon lol. I love it when people own their opinions, and it says a lot that you did. So thank you for that.

Second of all, I really appreciate the nuance and perspective that is in this message. I agree that the news is sensationalist, and my initial reaction was based off of that. I did watch the promotional clips of the interview and I believe it did sour my expectations going into it when I watched it nearly a week after it aired. I did my best to stay away from Tumblr because I didn’t want that to hinder my view, but it was impossible to separate the promotions that presented the information one way from what it actually was, and thank you for bringing that up with respect to the memoir because I hadn’t considered it. I will say that my knee jerk reaction is pretty on par with the way I still feel about it 24 hours later, especially since I got the news directly, not from Tumblr or Twitter or anywhere else, but you’re right that it could have soured my view from the very start.

I appreciate that he wants to take back some of the narrative but I think that ship has sailed, tbh. He did that with the interview and now I just think it feels like information overload. At some point, people are going to get tired of hearing the wealthy, privileged, powerful Prince complain about his life while more than 4 million people have died due to a global pandemic in less than 2 years. Not to say that he doesn’t struggle - in the words of Roxane Gay, there is no oppression Olympics (and that can be extended to struggle Olympics) - but people view it that way and will get tired of it, if they haven’t already.

I also agree that Harry’s past with the press has tarnished the way he has handled the media and the public post-exit, when he’s finally in a position to strike back without being somewhat obliged to them as part of the circumstances of his birth. I understand and sympathize with him but I just don’t think the public does, and the public matters much, much more than the perspective of one single American fan, to whom he’s never been obliged, and I simply do not think the public will afford him that same understanding, sympathy, and leniency. The public and the media are critical to his humanitarian work - his mother never realized that towards the end of her life, and I truly don’t think she would have been the martyr/saint she is perceived to be now if she had lived, because she did not know how to meet the media in the middle and eventually that started to piss people off. He’s starting to piss people off now and if it doesn’t bother him personally (which it definitely does), I don’t want it to affect his causes. The Invictus Games, Sentebale, Walking with the Wounded, WellChild, Mayhew, Smartworks, Archewell, etc. deserve better than to suffer the wrath of the media and an apathetic public because their patrons simply will not shut up lol.

I guess my point is that they will be unfairly judged (regardless, but especially due to the way they’re handling things), and I think it would suit them better in the long run if they adopted a different strategy. I really sympathize with the fact that he feels frustrated with the narrative that has been manufactured but I really, really think the narrative will only get worse and worse as he continues to go on and on about how badly his life sucks, basically. Again, I don’t deny that he struggles - we all do, some more than others, especially when there are mental health issues - but the public, to me, simply does not care. My own therapist has told me to simply stop caring about the things that I discuss with him. Not to say that they’re not relevant, important, or worthy of discussion - they absolutely are - but his point is that you cannot change people and you are wasting your energy and struggling yourself because you want to change them so, so, so badly that you’re neglecting your own self care in the process. I hate that I do it to myself and I also hate that he appears to be doing it to himself. I’m sure a lot of this conversation has been brought up in his own therapy, and I’m no professional, but I’m doing my best to heed the advice of my own therapist - which is the opposite of what Harry is doing - and it’s done wonders for me, when I actually can do it.

If there’s anything I know from this whole thing, it’s that Harry is absolutely punching above his weight, love him as I may, and that he adores, adores, adores his wife. He has chosen her from the very second she came into his life and I couldn’t want anything more for him or from her. I’m not going to lie, I would have been in this thing for any wife that Harry chose, because I was here long before Meghan specifically came into his life. However, I am glad every day that he chose her, that he loves her, that he wants to protect her, that she loves him back, that he lives the life with her that he’s wanted as long as I (and I’m sure he) can remember. I love her because he loves her, and I would have no matter what, because at the end of the day, it’s his happiness and comfort that matters to me, that has mattered to me since I discovered him and how wonderful he can be more than 7 years ago. What more could I ask of Meghan? What more, as his fan to the end (annoy me as he may), could I want for him? Who could say anything about her in that regard? If there’s anything that has come of this mess, to me, it’s that Harry loves, loves, loves his wife. I will always be happy for him and I will always be proud of him for choosing her, even if I don’t always agree with the way he goes about it.

I’m looking forward to peace, too. I cannot wait for things to just die out, for them to work things out as a couple and as a family, and for everyone to move on. The family will still do their thing and the Sussexes can do theirs, but I cannot deal with this back and forth, tit for tat, petty nonsense anymore. They’re wonderful and flawed, like the rest of them (except Andrew), and I just hope that they can all come to some kind of agreement or terms that lets this die down. It’s exhausting for everyone - themselves included. If I’m this tired, I can only imagine how tired they all are.

Thanks for stopping by, and sorry for the essay (essays, these past 24 hours lol). I really appreciate your kindness in this message, your presence in my notifications (I do see them!), your nuanced perspective and like I said before, I really, really appreciate that you own it!

#Ask #possibilitiesofsainthood #Prince harry #duke of sussex #meghan markle #duchess of sussex #phmemoir

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justanotherlifeff · 4 years

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Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm. DETAILED SMUT IN THIS CHAPTER

No one's POV

(Y/N) knocked on Erwin's door. The ring was already on her finger. Levi opened the door with an annoyed face. His expression brightened slightly after seeing it's (Y/N) as he held the door for her. "(Y/N), please sit" Erwin told (Y/N) pointing at the chair in front of his table. "Now that both of you are here, what's the news that you wanted to give me, Levi?" Erwin asked Levi as (Y/N) sat down. "(Y/N) and I are engaged now. I thought you'd want to know." Levi told Erwin in a bland tone.

"I wonder why I'm not surprised." Erwin sighed as he replied to Levi's statement with sarcasm. “Levi, as her only guardian, I can't allow you to marry (Y/N) unless you get a stable home. We all know that raising a child in the regiment headquarters isn't possible." Erwin added. "Yes, I thought about it too. I'll make arrangements for a house and try to get on with this shit as quickly as possible. After all, this peace won't last forever." Levi answered to Erwin.

"Anyway, I called both of you here for a different reason..." Erwin started but was interrupted by (Y/N). "You called me for something?" she asked with a confused tone. Levi only told her to go to Erwin's office to break the news about their extremely bland engagement. (Y/N) wasn't concerned about the fact that Levi's proposal wasn't very glamorous because she never cared about grand romantic gestures and all that. She was just immensely happy because Levi took the effort to buy such a nice ring for her, that after abandoning his duties. Levi wouldn't do all that if he didn't love her. Erwin looked at Levi and raised his one of his massive eyebrows.

"I forgot to mention that to her" Levi said casually. He definitely wasn't gonna let them know that he was so nervous while telling her to get the ring that he forgot to mention (Y/N) that Erwin called her. "I see. Well, now that you're here, there's a mission I'd like to discuss with you. If you're uncomfortable with it, you can always refuse." Erwin told (Y/N) with a slightly concerned voice. "What's the mission?" (Y/N) asked monotonously.

"Well, you see, we weren't able to capture all the lords who worked for the Reiss family and enthroned the fake king. There are exactly three lords who are not captured yet and we got a lead that they have properties in the underground city. Almost all rich lords have properties there in case the wall breaks or for any emergency situation. The documents on those properties are as shady as it can be and can't give us any right information. I was planning to send Levi and Hanji to pinpoint their location by an undercover mission but Hanji, having a curious mind like herself, can attract attention. Levi alone can't do it because in his time, he was quiet popular in the underground. They will recognise him if he tries to spy on people. You, (Y/N), are the most capable person after him but given that you're expecting and your past, I didn't want to involve you into this. But, right now, we don't have much of a choice. If you're uncomfortable with it, we will have to send Mikasa with Levi but she's not as matured as you are and may make bad decisions which could turn out to be risky for us." Erwin explained.

A rush of bad memories went through her mind but at the end, (Y/N) decided that she had to face her past. "I'll go." she answered calmly. Erwin scanned her face before saying, "I see, well, the mission is simple. You two won't engage in fights with anyone. You will only pinpoint their locations and report back. The rest will be taken care of by Levi squad and Hanji squad. You will have to go to the upper class whore houses because knowing how Lords usually are, you probably will find them there. There's this tavern out there where all the upper class people goes to drink. It's called the Devil's Punchbowl.." Erwin was interrupted as Levi snorted.

"I know that place. The owner had a shit load of ego" he muttered. (Y/N) decided that she wanted to hear the story behind that. "As I was saying, (Y/N), you will get inside and get information. You're not too popular yet, at least not in the underground. That's more or less the plan now." Erwin explained. "I see. Understood." (Y/N) replied. Just then, Hanji entered the room with 39 other squad leaders of the survey corps. (Y/N) and Levi looked at Erwin with a confused expression. "Commander, I fetched everyone here." Hanji said before saluting. Erwin stood up and came in front of them. (Y/N) did the same and stood beside Levi.

Erwin then, explained the whole situation, "I was planning to choose the next commander before our next expedition to reseal wall Maria. I am confused about who to choose because I have two candidates on my list. It's either Hanji because of her quick thinking and innovative ideas or (Y/N) because of her quick thinking and ability to see patterns in the enemy and counterattack perfectly. I thought if all the squad leaders here except Hanji help me out with a voting. It's pretty simple, when I call out one of their names, you will raise your hand to vote for her." Erwin explained. (Y/N) was shocked at the whole thing but Hanji, however was not because Erwin mentioned that she was a candidate for the next commander long ago.

"Anyone voting for Hanji, raise your hand." Erwin commanded and 20 people raised their hands. "I see.. I guess it's a tie. This makes things rather difficult." Erwin sighed. "Commander? May I have a word?" (Y/N) told Erwin with a confident voice. "Yes?" Erwin asked. "I don't think I'm fit for this role." she stated. "Why is that, (Y/N)?" Erwin asked, curious about why she was throwing out the huge career opportunity.

"Commander, I am not suitable for this role because, firstly, I'm not the type of person with good leadership skills. My trainee corps records clearly states that I'm not good at teamwork. I will never be able to achieve the trust of a whole military division just by my strength. Yes, I might be able to make quick decisions but I can't ever make actual battle plans. Commander, you yourself invented a whole battle formation. I could never do something like that. Hanji however, made that explosive added with 3DMG within a few hours. I believe that Hanji would be a better choice." (Y/N) explained.

"But... But you outsmarted Commander Erwin that time... No one has ever been able to do that..." Hanji tried to interject but Levi stopped her. "Hanji, that's because you never tried to outsmart the commander." he said to her. Then he turned at Erwin and said, "Commander, I'd like to change my vote to Hanji. I just realized that Hanji will do a better job than (Y/N)." "Well, it's decided then. Hanji will be next in the chain of command." Erwin declared. Then he turned to (Y/N) and said, "As for (Y/N), you still deserve a promotion. I think, as you're almost as strong as Levi, a second special operations squad could be formed with you as a squad leader. I will complete the paperwork for that.".

"Thank you, Commander." (Y/N) replied professionally but a smile crept on her face. This really was an amazing day for her. Erwin then turned at everyone else and said that they were dismissed and everyone walked out of Erwin's office. While going out, Levi told (Y/N), "Congratulations on your promotion." with a smug look. "Thank you. How do you think we should celebrate it?" (Y/N) answered with an equally smug expression. "Well, I have some things in mind. We need to go to our room though. Shall we?" Levi mumbled near her ear, making her the skin tingle due to his warm breath on her neck. "After you" (Y/N) answered with a smirk.

When they reached Levi's room, Levi pinned (Y/N) to a wall and kissed her passionately. He helped her get rid of the survey corps coat that she had on and also the uniform underneath. "Go to bed, (Y/N). I'll be back shortly" He commanded her before picking up the clothes and retiring to the closet. (Y/N) knew that he will fold those up now. After all, he was the neatest person she met. She remembered a day from back when she just joined the special operations squad. She had been given stable duty that day.

"How do you never complain when heichou gives you stable duties? Everyone hates mucking the stables and he is downright unfair to you because you win sparring challenges with him sometimes." Eren ranted. He was walking with (Y/N) to the stable. "Well, he wasn't wrong. I did dirty his uniform this time. I could've been more careful with the tea if I wasn't reading a book while working. I don't think anyone would tolerate their subordinate throwing tea at them." (Y/N) muttered as a reply.

"Well, you're not wrong... But you did apologise. If he made you clean his uniform, that would be more fair. Mucking the stable seems like a bit too much." Eren told (Y/N) with a sympathetic look. (Y/N) shrugged it off and said, "Well, he's the captain. He's the one who makes the decision of what punishment we should get. I'd rather trust his judgement instead of calling it unfair.". "No wonder he doesn't hate you as much as he hates us..." Eren muttered before leaving (Y/N) alone.

Levi came to check how well the mucking was going to find (Y/N) scrubbing the last stall. It had only been three hours and Levi didn't expect (Y/N) to be done with the third stall. He checked the other stalls and found them practically spotless. The horses were tied on a tree nearby. "I didn't expect her to figure that out so soon... Eren took 3 times of re cleaning to figure that out..." Levi thought. The cleaning was above average. Almost as good as him. "You're pretty good at this. You'll be cleaning my room from now on." he commanded. Since then, (Y/N)'s cleaning duties were to clean Levi's room. They would chat while she was cleaning about books they both read. They had many friendly conversations, ones that lead to them having feelings for each other. Ones that lead to (Y/N) trusting Levi with her past.

It seemed stupid to (Y/N), how they denied their feelings for so long when they were there all that time. Levi came back, naked, while (Y/N) was lost in thoughts. "What are you thinking?" Levi asked her before pinning her down on the bed and kissing her neck. "I was thinking about that day. The day when you asked me to start cleaning your room?" (Y/N) sighed.

"Mhhm? That was a good decision. Those brats can't clean as good as you." Levi mumbled before going back to kissing her neck. His hands moved towards her vagina as his kisses got rougher, leaving marks on her neck. She was panting slightly as his fingers made his way into her vagina, stretching it, filling it. When he felt like she was wet enough, without any warning, he positioned himself and plunged into her making her yelp in pleasure. He moved in a rough pace, making her come closer to euphoria.

Meanwhile, Erwin sent Hanji to collect (Y/N)'s trainee corps report card and her so called birth certificate. Hanji, as she had nothing to do due to the lack of a lab in this survey corps branch, decided to get done with her work as fast as possible. She knew that (Y/N) was staying with Levi and decided to go to Levi's office, which was attached to Levi's room. To Levi's distaste, she never knocked before entering Levi's office and this time was no exception. Only, this time, she actually regretted doing it.

After entering Levi's office, she clearly heard the sound of sex and (Y/N)'s moaning from the other side of the door to Levi's room. She thought it would be funny to interrupt them and thus she called out, "Oi Levi! I need (Y/N) here for a second. Erwin sent me to get some documents from her." The noise stopped and after a minute or so, a fully dressed Levi came out of the room with an annoyed expression. "Don't you understand the concept of knocking, Hanji?" he told Hanji with his voice filled with contempt.

"Hey, not in mood for one of your boring lectures. I asked for (Y/N) anyway. Not you." Hanji said casually with a smile. "She probably will kill you when she's here." Levi replied in a deadpan voice. Just after Levi finished his sentence, (Y/N) came out of the room with a murderous glint in her eyes. "You have amazing timing, Hanji." she sneered at Hanji. Hanji deserved it though because she arrived just moments before (Y/N) reached an orgasm.

"Come on (Y/N)! I'd not..ahem..interrupt if I didn't have a good reason!" Hanji tried to reason with her. Hanji understood the fact that (Y/N) did not approve of her little joke at all and she didn't want to make (Y/N) hate her. After all, she considered (Y/N) as a good friend and the fact that (Y/N) set up her and Moblit together proved it. "I'm not carrying shopping bags for you again if you don't have a good enough excuse. What documents do you want?" (Y/N) asked in an annoyed voice. She wasn't as angry as before.

"Erwin asked for your trainee corps report card and your birth certificate. They are required for the paperwork for your promotion." Hanji explained herself. (Y/N) didn't reply to that and retired to Levi's room to dig those documents out from her bag. She didn't get a chance to unpack yet. When she found those, she handed them to Hanji and asked, "Well, is that all?" in a tone that clearly made Hanji realise that she wasn't wanted in the room anymore. Hanji understood why and decided to give them the privacy. "Yep. That's all" she answered cheerfully before leaving the office.

(Y/N) POV

Levi was pounding into me and just as I started loosing all sense of my surroundings and reach orgasm, Levi stopped. "Don't stop! please!" I gasped but he pulled out and grunted with a sarcastic tone, "Shitty glasses is here. That woman didn't knock again and that must be the most amazing timing I can think of". " I'll kill her" I muttered before getting up on the bed. After Hanji was gone, I looked back at Levi and said, "Well? Let's continue where we left off?". Levi looked at me and said, " You know what (Y/N), I'll give you two options. We can either continue where we left off or try something new. You choose." with a smirk.

I decided that something new would be better since I was far from an orgasm right now. "Let's try something new." I answered. "Good choice. Now, go wash your asshole." he commanded. I was confused by his command but I stripped and went to the bathroom and did what he said anyway. When I was back, our clothes were already folded and Levi was putting them back in the closet. He made me suck his dick to get it hard again and then he made me turn around and bend. After that, he fucked me and made me cum. Did he forget about trying something new? Just when that thought crossed my mind, I found him using his fingers to scoop up my cum from outside my vagina and smothering them on my asshole. Then I felt his finger poke at it.

Suddenly, I understood what this was about. I read about it in books. He was going to try anal. I blushed furiously at the thought. I felt one of his fingers getting inserted in me slowly and a satisfied sigh escaped my mouth. He moved the finger to and fro slowly making me feel the weirdest sensations ever. More fingers were inserted, the sensation increased gradually by time until I felt his dick poking on that hole.

"Levi, it wont fit..." I tried to tell him but he suddenly plunged it all in, making me yelp in pain and pleasure. He didn't move for a while giving me some time to adjust to his size. "Tell me when you're ready" he muttered as he pulled my hair to get my face close to his. After a while, when the pain subsided, I told him, "You can move now..". He didn’t waste a second and started out moving slowly, increasing his speed rapidly. The amazing sensation was numbing my legs and blurring my mind. Suddenly, I felt something warm flowing inside me.

"Do me a favour and clench your ass." Levi muttered to me before pulling out. I did what he said and after pulling out, he picked me up and went to the bathroom because he figured out that my legs were jelly at this point. After getting me to the toilet seat, he commanded me to wash myself before leaving the bathroom.

No one's POV

It was time for lunch and (Y/N) was already dressed. Levi, however took time because the smallest crinkle on his clothes were unacceptable to him. (Y/N) often wondered how he managed to notice such small details on his clothes. Even during combat, he always tried to stay as clean and tidy as possible. "Levi, when are you buying that house that you talked about to Uncle Erwin?" (Y/N) asked as Levi was ironing his shirt with a metal pot filled with warm water.

"I'm planning to buy it before going to the next expedition. We will have to order the furniture too. Those will take a few months to be ready..." Levi muttered as he tried to get rid of that one crease which didn't seem to be going no matter how hard he tried. "Well, do you have any plans about where we should get the house?" (Y/N) asked. Levi paused at that. He didn't make any plans as he never thought he'd be in a situation like this. "Well, we could think about it later" he replied before wearing his shirt. As they were walking towards the canteen, he told (Y/N), "You're not seating with my squad today. You're a squad leader now so sit at the squad leader's table." (Y/N) nodded at him as they went together towards the squad leader table.

"Hey, maybe I should let the squad know about my promotion. After all, we will still be working together and they deserve to know why I'm not sitting with them.." (Y/N) started to say before getting interrupted by Levi who simply said, "Go ahead" before walking towards the leader's table. (Y/N) went to Levi squad's table and before she was able to say anything, the team started congratulating her on her promotion. "News does travel fast" (Y/N) thought. "I'll be sitting at the leader's table from now on but I'll see you guys during training. Our squads will be working together you see" (Y/N) started but was interrupted by Sasha.

"(Y/N), don't worry about us. We are your friends. We will find a way to spend time with you. You better become a better squad leader than Levi Heichou" she said but before (Y/N) could reply, Connie said, "Pretty sure that squad leader (Y/N) is scarier than Levi heichou sometimes." "Oi, call me (Y/N). You're not in my squad and we graduated together. By the way, how am I scarier than Levi?" (Y/N) asked, completely confused. "Well, you see, you're scary enough yourself but if anyone tries to hit on you or mess with you, that's basically picking on a personal fight with Levi Heichou. I'm surprised that horse face is still alive" Eren elaborated with a protesting Jean muttering "Shut up you suicidal bastard!".

After having a small talk with Levi squad, (Y/N) went to the Leader's table with her lunch. Hanji was already there and Levi was absent. "Where's Levi?" (Y/N) asked Hanji as she sat down beside her. "Oh, well, Queen Historia came to visit Erwin on some business. She called for Levi. He will be here soon." Hanji explained. The squad leader's table in this scout regiment branch was a long table that went horizontally to both ends of the canteen. It was placed at the end of the canteen, conveniently near the buffet table. Squad leaders were still coming in.

As (Y/N) started eating, two male squad leaders that she didn't know sat in front of her and Hanji on the other side of the table and one of them said, "Well, it seems like we have a new face around here. Weren't you a cadet only like a few months back?" "Yes. I got promoted today." (Y/N) answered politely. "Yes, we know that. We were there when it happened. You're sleeping with Levi aren't you? I don't understand why Commander Erwin gives a shitty thug so much importance. I heard you're even carrying Levi's bastard. Is that how you got the promotion? Just asking cause you don't look like you can take down a fly. Strongest woman my ass" the other man said with a smirk.

"For your information Steve, (Y/N)..." Hanji started with an angry expression but was interrupted by (Y/N) as she said, "Oi Hanji, don't you think the stew tastes amazing today?". Hanji was surprised by (Y/N)'s extremely calm reaction and she figured that (Y/N) had a plan and thus, didn't talk much on that matter. The guy named Steve, however, did not understand and continued, "Oi Tom, she isn't even denying it. Heard she calls the commander 'uncle'. The commander isn't her uncle for sure. Heard she's from the underground and was taken in by the (L/N). Pretty sure she has an affair with the commander too. What do you recon she'll do to the bastard?" he asked his companion who was named Tom.

"I dunno, probably sell it to some lord or something like any whore would." Tom chuckled but stopped immediately to find (Y/N) looking at him with a calm but piercing look. (Y/N) gave him a small smile and said, "You see, Steve and Tom, you are wrong in three places. You're right. I am a whore. Judging from how nosy you people are, I'm pretty sure you two know that I was found in a whore house in the underground. Here's where you're wrong. Firstly, you clearly didn't do much research on anything from after I got out from the underground. If you did, you'd not question my promotion. Heck, you'd not try to mess with me. Well, as you two didn't do your research properly, let's start with a fist fight. Practical classes are always better than theoretical ones right? Oh, and I don't want to fight Tom. Steve, you're the big guy, let's do a round. If I can't get you under my feet in 30 seconds, you win.".

"You'll fight me? Sugar, I don't hit women" Steve smirked. The whole leader's table were looking at (Y/N) and Steve. Levi arrived the scene just a while ago and heard most of what (Y/N) said. "(Y/N), I'll take care of him.." Levi tried to say but (Y/N) stopped him and said, "Let me do this by myself." "Do you happen to be afraid, Steve? " (Y/N) asked Steve as she stood up from her chair, rolled the sleeves of her shirt and walked in front of the seated Steve. "Steve, she's asking for it. Just beat her ass" Tom told Steve in a bored voice. Steve didn't answer to that and stood up. There was quiet a bit of space between the buffet table and the leader's table. The whole canteen was looking at Steve and (Y/N) now.

Steve charged at (Y/N) but (Y/N) simply used her hands to use Steve's height and weight to knock him down. She saw Eren do that to Jean multiple times and practiced it with Levi back when she was getting knife training. Of course, most people weren't surprised by such a feat from (Y/N) because they all trusted Erwin's decisions. As Steve was trying to get up, he saw (Y/N) casually walking towards him and kick him in the face with an extremely accurate amount of speed and at an extremely accurate area of the head which knocked him out.

"Well, Tom, do your research better next time. By the way, your second mistake was to think that Uncle Erwin isn't my uncle, because, he is. Thirdly, you shouldn't have said that thing about me selling my kid. I wouldn't have given lowlifes like you any attention if you didn't do that. Now that you succeeded in attracting my attention, help your friend to the medics. He'll have a concussion." (Y/N) told Tom, who was speechless by (Y/N)'s abilities. After Tom left with an unconscious Steve, (Y/N) sat back at her seat and started with her stew.

"Those are the bullies among the squad leaders. There are three types of squad leaders around here. Bullies like them, the normal ones, and people like myself or Levi, the ones who actually are assets to the Survey corps. These bullies thought you're one of the normal ones but they didn't think you'd be with the elites. They don't usually sit with us. They just came here today to mess with you. You'd not see them around usually." Hanji explained. "I reckoned you'd find this type of divisions in the military police. Not the Survey Corps." (Y/N) muttered as she slurped down her now cold stew. "(Y/N), every military division has shit like this. Some more than the others. None of the divisions are perfect." Levi answered to that before looking at Hanji and asking, "Hanji, where do you reckon we should buy a house?"

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: Remember how (Y/N) walked on to Petra kissing Levi while getting to her cleaning duties before the 57th expedition? Now you know how she got the duty of cleaning Levi's room in the first place.]

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi smut #levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi attack on titan #levi x reader #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #levi ackerman #captain levi

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heli0s-writes · 4 years

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Helios are you participating in the June fanfic blackout? Lots of writers feel underappreciated because of not a lot of reblogs but I'm a reader who reblogs whenever I can and I feel like I'm being punished for doing nothing wrong. You reply to a lot of your asks with good opinions and I really respect you. What do you think would happen and what should readers who are doing what they're supposed to do because of this?

I’m sorry you feel like you’re being punished; it’s inevitable that many readers might feel this way. I’ve put in my two cents about this subject in the past, but listen:

We’re not entered in some agreement where my output deserves your input. We’re not obligated to each other; I do not write to receive numbers in the form of your notes. I am throwing my shit out into the world and you receive it how you like. I’m grateful that it is received, and the notes I get back also show me that you are also grateful to receive it.

I came from at last 5 other fanfiction sites in the past 15 years and I wrote through 2 of them shutting down. I had portfolio of 50+ writings with so few comments that when I got to AO3, getting feedback wasn’t even in my periphery. But when I did, it was amazing. It helped me write better. I internalized readers’ suggestions and feelings and it contributed greatly to both my self-confidence and my own craft.

That’s how it works. We help each other. I used to get so stuck on notes and numbers and I used to reblog every single comment. It would clog up the dash, it would be absolute overkill, but this is how tumblr is. It is an imperfect platform for archiving. Blogs grows depending on numbers and how you promote yourself. It can be hard to look past that.

At this point as a writer, I am most invested in a niche series that has the lowest notes of all the works I’ve ever put up. I. love. working. on. it. It is fun for me. I’m ecstatic when the same 3 people comment because this is where I choose to receive my fucking serotonin from.

I do not have a bar to hit with notes. I am not comparing today’s interaction to interaction from 6 months ago or whatever. Everyone is a person and I am not expecting shit from you but yes it is so nice to get feedback.

So, long story short, yes, I will be posting in June because I like to write and it’s my birth month and I’m going to participate in the things I enjoy. It’s a symbiotic relationship and I’m just a fucko on one end of it who is seeking joy and the arguing on my dashboard is really killing my vibe.

Sorry I hijacked your ask to lay my feelings out. My advice is to just keep reading. Keep commenting, if you’d like. It’s your experience. Have fun!

#not marvel #personal #here comes the discourse #will probably make addendums to this #but here it is for now #i'm just a simple fucko looking for a space to write and trying to enjoy it

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worldsmostdangerous-archived · 6 years

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Mun, how do you feel about all the newly named revolutionaries? Personally I'm excited!

// Oh boy am I, buckle up because you’re in for a ride

I have been waiting for Oda to reveal the commanders (though I don’t think he revealed all of them, or if he did then it’s bad writing on his part again) for years. And mostly I am satisfied with the results - as far as I can be with Oda. I’ve never been terribly a fan of his character designing, mostly because of aesthetic reasons and I would have preferred more realistic and practical outfits. But knowing what we have seen of Oda’s capabilities of designing outfits, I think he could have done way worse with the commanders.

Now many people in the fandom are disgusted and annoyed by Belo Betty’s outfit design, and it’s understandable. But to me it’s a two way street. On one hand, Betty’s shirt being open is infuriating because we all know Oda is sexist, but on the other, dictating how women (or anyone, but we’re talking about women here) should dress whether it’s covering herself completely or wearing revealing clothing, is demeaning in itself (and also sexist). Only she can choose what she wears and how she wears it. It’s not anyone else’s business.

So I’m little annoyed but not entirely livid about it, therefore I can look past it. In other news, I like her hat a lot.

In general, looking at Betty’s personality and abilities, I’m quite pleased. She is very close to a commander oc of mine that I never brought to tumblr or used in any kind of way in many aspects (and it’s slightly scary??? Oda how???). Her devil fruit for example is almost precisely like my oc’s (she used just her voice/words instead of waving a flag) and her personality is pretty close to my oc’s also. Just that my oc would never call citizens she was about to help out ‘useless trash’ or ‘garbage’, or an over weight colleague a ‘potato giant’. When I first read the part in the chapter it didn’t settle quite in completely because I was trying to imagine Dragon promoting someone as ill-mannered like that to a commander’s rank and was having a hard time with it. However -

It is true that there is no point in helping people who have no will to fight for themselves, for their loved ones and freedom and rights at this point. The army doesn’t have unlimited resources. It makes sense to focus on parties with motivation to avoid direct contact with the Government and Cipher Poll, from a strategic point of view. The army won’t be of any use for changing the world or reach its goals if it throws its chances out before it’s their time.

That said revolutionaries are not heartless and completely set in the military mindset. They cannot be. They’re not after power or protection, they’re after ending inequality. So I can see Dragon allowing the higher ups (like the commanders themselves) help out citizens outside of their influence radar when they absolutely know for 100% certainty they will win because it is morally correct. It is comprehensible that people are afraid and incapable to fight back, but it’s also inconsiderate and thoughtless.

Therefore my Dragon would frown upon Betty’s vulgar language but agree with her actions and recognize her accomplishments.

Now while my oc was a high ranking commander (close to Dragon especially but not as close as Ivankov), it is blowing my mind how Betty appears to be the highest ranked (or at least most respected) out of the four commanders. Lindbergh is openly seen asking for Betty’s permission to handle the pirates, and later on Betty gives out orders to Lindbergh and Karasu which they execute without question. This is huge coming from Oda. And I’m much pleased with it!

Karasu’s design is basically Killer-Doffy/Roci-Kid fusion, which is 100% Oda-like. I’m not incredibly fascinated with it but it fits in so I’m okay with it. I do wonder if he was wearing the feather coat and beak mask before eating his devil fruit and if he did I’m curious about the reason. With Katakuri Oda has given us proof that sometimes when a character wears something that covers a part of their face (or completely) there is a very good reason for it. Now the all time question mark in this regard is Killer, but Karasu’s case makes me wonder even more. I like Karasu’s name especially tbh.

Regarding his devil fruit it is self-evident that he helped Sabo back to the revolutionaries’ ship at the end of Dressrosa. And from that scene we know that Karasu hasn’t had the devil fruit for very long - or he never reported receiving it. I would lean more to not having it for long because of loyalty reasons, personally. I really like him too (as I do like Betty a lot) but I think it’s mostly because of his reserved personality (but not shy!) and crows.

Morley is precious if I’m being quite honest. First of all, he’s a giant, and second of all he is not super duper lean and skinny and muscly like most characters (especially those who fight) are. That’s lots of points to Oda already. And he appears to be lgbt+ which! is! amazing! I am hesitant about his trident weapon though.

Out of all the commanders Lindbergh is the one I have a bone to pick on with Oda. His name is good, but his character design is 100% already seen somewhere else before. He looks way too familiar but I cannot put my finger on it. He appears to be a mink and while I like that he’s some other race than human, I would have loved to see a fishman commander instead. It does make sense for the revolutionaries to have their own weapon developer but why is he a commander…? He should solely be in the equipment division. Plus while I can see how Karasu and Morley gained their commander rank, I cannot see any plausible way for Lindbergh. Nothing about his personality appears suitable for leadership. But since he’s canon I’m hoping someone picks him up as a muse and spends time to develop his character so that his rank is justified.

The weapons seem cool though.

All in all, I’m satisfied with the immense diversity in the commanders. Having more females (appearance wise, their real gender could be anything) would have been a nice thing to see but we cannot have everything. That said there is gender diversity, there is race diversity - all we lack is skin colour diversity. Which, I guess we have kinda with Lindbergh but you already know how I feel about him.

I love that Betty appears highly respected (even the citizens of Momoiro island were excited to see her), and I love that Oda is showing us the Revolutionary Army truly is accepting of and open to everyone. And I have long believed it goes without saying that the army would be divided into smaller armies across the world because they’re against the World Government, not a single country, so seeing that Oda believes the same is a feast on the eyes. (So yes, I believe the compass points mentioned in the introduction of the commanders equal the four Blues.) This line up of commanders is in character for my Dragon which makes me happy.

Draws breath where’s my revo commander rp blogs at

#//the commanders are awesome and the hype died out way too quickly for my liking #//thank you for granting me the chance to word vomit about them #//mun speaks #opspoilers #asks #Anonymous

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lesbian-ed · 7 years

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I'm curious about one thing. Do you think labels are relevant and necessary? Because I feel like they just limit people. I understand that some people feel the need to label themselves, they need it to "self-affirm" or just understand themselves, even for a while. Like, I know, it's easier. But I believe that above all, we are humans in eternal transformation. I am who I am today, and who knows who I can be tomorrow. I do not know. I just feel like there's a lot of pressure on it all 1/2

ops, all. 2/2 like if I say I’m a lesbian, not just myself, like everyone else is going to put pressure on it, you know? Like I could not change a part of who I am and that sounds a bit rude to me. Labels only make people confused, and everyone is confused about many things; This is normal, but the pressure around it all makes people anxious

Mod C here, and what I am about to say is strictly from my point of view. So feel free to blame me if you’re not okay.

Here is the thing : sexuality is not fluid. The only sexuality that could be fluid is, maybe, bisexuality, but many bisexuals disagree, and as I am not bisexual myself and don’t experience their attraction, I will just listen to what most of them say on the matter. To imply that homosexuality is fluid, and therefore can be changed, is just homophobic.. Plain homophobic. This is what this homophobic society tells us all day every day, that our sexuality is a sin, that we are monsters etc... as soon as our sexuality doesn’t align with heterosexuality.

Our society is heteropatriarcal, meaning that it relies heavily on heteronormativity. People who don’t follow this line are marginalized, exposed to violence and abuse - homophobia. Many of us are in a constant distress due to this state of society. It becomes difficult to reclaim who we are, especially when people who claim to be on our side promote corrective rape and so on (yes I’m talking about the qu**r community). I would say, in this world, the true act of revolution is to reclaim who you are, your sexuality and proudly bear the name lesbian or gay - not evacuate it, or hide it under an umbrella term known as a slur such as qu**r.

Now I understand we all have our own personal history, own struggles, and many of us deal with a load of homophobia and internalized homophobia they cannot shoulder, or that reclaiming their sexuality would actually put them in danger - to those I say that we are here for them, to support and love them until they are in a better place, in a better world, that they are doing to the best of their abilities and should never feel guilty about it.

Not to say that being homosexual, and a lesbian particulary, is very isolating. The straights have the entire society for them. We have a tiny community that is under constant attack from all sides - and yes, sometimes, discovering you’re not the only one in this situation might be life saving. Because when you are calling yourself a lesbian, you’re not just defining yourself - you’re also reclaiming our history, the sweat and blood or our sisters who thought hard against lesbophobia, against the government, to start the fight for gay rights. And at the same time, it invests you with the responsibility to look out for other lesbians, to engage yourself in a better future for all lesbians.

Lesbianism is not a political action per se - it is not a choice, it is an innate sexuality, and you don’t choose it. However, in a heteropatriarcal world that centers around the love of the phallus, being an out and proud lesbian is probably one of the most radical actions against this state of world.

#Anonymous #lesbianism #activism #mod c

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lightsofmyworld · 8 years

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#robron my thoughts on last night. If I hurt someone I'm sorry. This is how I feel

For me this was a choosing of sorts. Aaron lied 7 times that I counted. 6 of which Robert called him out on. One Robert doesn't know that it was a lie. He then accused Rob of murder again, was not that bothered about Liv and what it was doing to her, then he let Rob know that thinking about a future with Robert and Liv is not an option in prison, walking away to leave Robert to sort the emotions. Basically it's up to us to choose what is worst. Cheating, lying, accusing of murder, or not bothering about your sis, or not caring about a future with your soulmate. Jeez how can anyone choose here. Wtf Rob wasn't that drunk. Are you fucking kidding me. He drank a whole bottle of whiskey. How the fuck is he standing, why isn't he barfing 🤢 how did he get up from floor and stand with out falling down? How does he keep it up? Why isn't he in a hospital with alcohol poisoning? And why isn't he passing out? Aaron chose drugs and he chose them over Robert. His situation is tough and horrible. And I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO IN HIS PLACE but I will not be for drugs ever. I will always say choosing drugs is the wrong choice. ALWAYS. I have a mate who lost his brother because some asshole was flying high and driving. Did he make a wrong choice YES was he weak YES he also died as well as mate's brother. Ask Moira, Jai and Adam if Holly made the right choice. Was Holly weak ? She chose drugs over her family and BF it finally killed her. If Holly had been stronger would she still be here? Aaron did have choices. Both Emmerdale and Danny tweeted what Aaron should have done. Instead of doing the hard thing which was the right thing telling someone, he did the easy thing which was the wrong thing. He chose spice. Now he's addicted. Already he is making wrong choices because of the drugs. Already they are doing what drugs do tearing apart a family. Already Liv has to hear the word Holly and drugs and think of Aaron. Now she is worried sick. Already Robert thinks it's over cause Aaron chose the drugs over him. I will never promote drugs EVER and yet some seem to think that by saying Aaron chose drugs he's weak and then go after who said it. Drugs WILL ALWAYS be the wrong choice. So if by me refusing to say taking drugs is the right choice for Aaron you assume that I am calling him weak. Then. Do. So. I have seen what drugs do to families. As a teacher it's a wonderful perk to the job. #sarcasm I have also seen what self harming does to those in a family. That too is a perk to the job. #sarcasm people who are suffering from mental illness and from addiction do focus on their issues and forget those around them. That to is a fact. Doesn't mean they meant to it just means they do. They are to busy looking for the next fix or looking for some relief from inner demons to be bothered with love ones. Why did I say all this. Because this is a fucked up mess and I see people judging for all the wrong reasons. Is Aaron in the wrong? Yes he is. Is he hurting? Yes he is. Did he mean to exclude Robert and Liv? No he did not. Did he? Yes he did. Is Robert right when he called Aaron weak ? Yes he is in the context of choosing drugs over his family. Is Robert right in cheating ? No he is not. Aaron is not his ex even if to Robert it feels that way. Is Aaron weak when he is faced with a problem and has to overcome it? No he is not!! He is the strongest person I know. Choosing drugs make you weak. Choosing drugs over you loved ones makes you selfish. Talking to some one and reaching out for help shows you are strong. What would I have done in Aaron's shoes? No idea but even if I chose Aaron's path it would have still been wrong and it would have still came with consequences. Everything you do in life comes with consequences good or bad. It's called living. I tell my kids that all the time. Decide what kind of consequences you want. It's long but I'm not apologizing cause this may very well be the most important blog I have ever wrote. Even if few read and even fewer agree. Summary: DO NOT EVER CHOSE DRUGS ! *Stares at Liv and Robert* that also includes alcohol if you are going to use it to numb the pain or not deal with your issues.

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venhedish · 3 years

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Tagged by @fallcolorspringrapid in this tag game! Thank yew, frand.

1. why did you choose your url? It's a swear word in the Tevene language from Dragon Age. No idea what it means as it's never been officially translated afaik. I like to think it means 'cunt' because that's funny to me and I am only a little 12-year-old boy. Actually, the word is 'Venhedis," but that was already taken on like every platform I tried to register it on, so I'm only Venhed-ish.~ 2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them. Yup! I run the @spn-trope-round-robin (you should check it out. We do a prompt meme over on AO3 every 2 months!). I'm also@necro-nomnomnom, where I post vaguely sexy horror aesthetic stuff. 3. how long have you been on tumblr? Since late December, 2020. I posted my first fic over on AO3 at the end of the year and wanted a place to share it. 4. do you have a queue tag? I did for a while but then I got lazy. I think it was just #q because it was the least amount of work to type. Now I just let my queued stuff post tagless like a heathen. 5. why did you start your blog in the first place? Oh. Oop. Answered this already. I came for the unabashed self-promotion and stayed for the galaxy brain takes and cool friends. And also still self-promotion. 6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? It's one of my favorite paintings and kinda captures my aesthetic. It's called Truth Coming out of Her Well to Shame Mankind and it is a MOOD (also it kinda looks like me):

7. why did you choose your header? It was so extremely generously gifted to me by @thegoodthebadandtheart, who is my favorite SPN fandom artist. Every time I look at it I get the warm fuzzies. <3 8. what’s your post with the most notes? This one, apparently. A long ramble about why Anti culture is anti-intellectual and dangerous from the last time there was a wincest-adjacent blocklist going around. 9. how many mutuals do you have? 71, if I counted right. And I cherish every single one of you weirdos. 10. how many followers do you have? 214. 11. how many people do you follow? 256. But about a quarter of them aren't related to the SPN fandom in any way. 12. have you ever made a shitpost? Yes probably. Everything I post is shit, and thus a shitpost by extension. (This is a joke.) 13. how often do you use tumblr each day? I went over a month without looking at it at all. Now I'm casually on a few times a day. I don't mindlessly scroll anymore, though. It was becoming a problem ngl. 14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won? I called someone a "ROTTEN CUCUMBER-BRAINED FOOL" in a reblog of someone spouting nonsense and they changed their bio to that for a while. You tell me who the winner is in that situation, because I think it was both of us. 15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? I don't know. I don't really know what that is? Peer pressure simply does not work on me so no, actually; I don't think I will. 16. do you like tag games? Yes! But I am also lazy and don't always respond to them. If you ever tag me and I don't respond, don't feel like you can't tag me again in something else! I always love the thought, even if I don't participate. 17. do you like ask games? See above. I'm even worse about answering asks from ask games, though. But I love to get them! 18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I dunno about famous, but I had a very good day when @quickreaver followed me back. Tumblr popularity doesn't, like, mean anything to me though. I just like you guys. 19. do you have a crush on a mutual? Literally like 5 of them. 👉👈😳 20. tags? @ohnoitsthebat, @flatbedford, @ravingliberal, @ghost-go-roasty-mctoasty, @queergoblin I just grabbed some names out of a hat. Feel free to play and say I tagged you.

#tag game #about me

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clothestop · 6 years

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Hi, I'm not sure if this will be weird to ask but i've read that you have a math degree and knows how to code so i hope you can give me some advice regarding my career choice. If that's okay. Tbh i'm still not sure if i should take up computer science or pure mathematics. Math is my favorite subject in school and the more i study college-level theoretical math, the more i realize that i would want to do this professionally.

But i also considered computer science because i’m weighing the employability of both majors and i know that i could get a more stable job with comp sci. I’m so confused i’m sorry if my ask doesn’t make much sense but i have so many questions. May i ask what age did you start coding? And like my dilemma, i’m wondering why you went with pure mathematics and didn’t take up computer science. What put you off? Also, how did you start coding/ what made you start learning how to code? Did you take up comp sci classes? I’m a 17 yr old girl heading to university next fall but i just started learning how to code last year so i feel a bit left out. I’m really enjoying it so far but thinking of a possible career with it, i’m also scared as a woc in that kind of field. This may sound silly but like what the tumblr saying goes: i don’t want to be a sell out while i work for something i love. Lastly, i know that even if i’m still a beginner and there are a lot more things that i could learn in university. But in the meantime to prepare for that, what advice can you give to someone like me who is a beginner (words of encouragement, pros and cons, skills to develop etc etc)? Btw i’ve read that you lived in Southeast asian countries and i’m from SE asia currently living in the US so i relate to what i’ve been reading in your blog. Thank you for reading and sorry for

Hello there! No worries, I didn’t think that your ask is weird. And ofc, I’m more than glad to give you my advice :)

Well, I started with basic coding at around 12 or 11, eventually studied it extensively and moved to more complicated programming languages when I was 15 or 16—but I was already in uni during that time (uhm, yes I was younger than most of my peers). I play games a lot, and when I was younger, I dreamt of developing my own video game or website. And as a kid, you wouldn’t be surprised that I even thought of using my knowledge of coding with making cool stuffs™ like robots haha. To be honest, I wasn’t “put off” of taking up Computer Science; it’s just that my head had always been gravitating towards Pure Mathematics ever since. However, I admit that I did fancy taking up that degree because I was opting for another major that would *complement* my Pure Mathematics track, since my mum initially wanted me to have a degree that is “lucrative” to her standards. Basically, even if I didn’t end up pursuing Computer Science, we met at a compromise with me double majoring in Pure Mathematics and an applied maths major which relies on heavy programming as well. Despite being good at maths in school, programming was unarguably one of the most difficult things that I’ve studied. Not to mention that at the beginning, I was self-taught. After uni, I became more serious with my self-study, and even took up few short courses in Computer Sciences just because I’m really interested with it. Never considered to pursue it professionally, though.

If you look at the macro statistics of how students perform in different subjects, Singapore, Hong Kong, South Korea, Taiwan, Japan and China (particularly Shanghai) has always ranked really high in maths and sciences. Yet, until recently, most of the technological breakthroughs are happening in the West.. Or perhaps, most technological advancements that happened in Asia (mind you, not only in East Asian and Southeast Asian countries) weren’t relatively discussed and/or recognized in a global scale during the past few years. Furthermore, living in Caucasian-dominated countries, I know that minorities would always have to go through the eye of a needle to have our voices heard and our efforts recognized and properly credited; otherwise the achievements we had produced would never see the light of day, or worse, People in the Position of Power™ would take credit for what we worked hard for. (Disclaimer: I don’t live in the US)

Additionally, two years ago, reports disclosed by large tech companies like Google and Facebook show that females make up less than 20% of technical employees. Unfortunately this figure drops to single digits for the larger tech community. But you shouldn’t be fazed with these facts. Yes, this is a sad reality but we can do something to change the system. At present, females working in most industries (not just in tech companies. Believe me *sighs*) should work twice as hard as a man to get to the same place, and it was made into a norm that we should just be prepared to do that. Thus, at least eventually in the tech sector, the more girls who learn how to code, the less unequal it would get. If you think about it, apps and websites like Instagram and Facebook (and uh well, Tumblr) have a wide female user base. And I truly believe that women need to be part of the voice in creating this technology to serve the users more effectively.

Yes I’m Southeast Asian as well currently living in a Caucasian-dominated country (again, not the US). But I lived in different Asian countries, so I also understand how tech startups in these regions lament the lack of local talent. Universities produce graduates who are well-versed in computer science, yet the latter go after paths that only require an understanding of programming languages suited for banking and finance. Conversely, startups use something much different and more modern—something that tech companies want to see more of. Moreover, a few years ago, tech giants like Microsoft, Facebook, and SAP appealed to the European Union education ministers to tackle skills gap in information and communications technology, saying that an estimated 900,000 jobs in Europe would be left unfilled by 2020 if not addressed. The UK has since implemented computing into the national curriculum. Again, Tumblr Politics™ could make an asinine analogy of this to Destroy Capitalism™, but the reality dictates that we need this to achieve growth in the foreseeable future. (Another disclaimer: I’m very much against classism and capitalism, but I can be level-headed as well to understand the global economic and political atmosphere that we live in. Less whining, more tangible actions to abolish these systems.)

Correct me if I’m wrong (this could easily be googled), but from what I’ve read, the average salary for a good fresh graduate programmer in the Silicon Valley is around 100,000 USD. So you can verify that this is indeed an in-demand job. But I definitely agree with your outlook as well. I quit my last job despite the high pay, advantageous position, connections and opportunities in the corporate ladder™ because I lost my passion and felt like I no longer learn something of value from it. I felt like I was just a small cog of a devious capitalistic machine, operating at an auto-pilot, and can never make an actual difference to society (contrary, I felt like I was actually working against it D:). BUT! Please. Please. Please. Never fully absorb everything you read in this hellsite as a clear reflection of how the world works. Always take everything you read with a grain of salt, because despite of the positive things we could see and the amazing people we could meet here, Tumblr is a very, very problematique™ place to take inspiration from. Of course I’m not generalizing, but sadly, some people here (despite their charisma and very persuasive convictions) proclaim revolutionary™ ideologies that only promote hateful agendas. Thus, even though I would always believe that money should never supersede passion, I also understand that the system is working against us and that it wouldn’t be as easy as we imagine it to be. So, I always seek to find balance in every decision that I make. It would also help to have a concrete plan of how you would like to see yourself in a few years (I know it sounds cliché, but I promise it’ll help), and to choose to work for a company that you know would create progressive measures to aid society as a whole, and would promote sustainable growth for the planet and the human race. Sorry if that sounds so cheesy and pretentious, but I mean it. I would like to think that that wouldn’t make us corporate sellouts™, rather, we are dreamers trying to survive and thrive in this very demanding society. [Hmm. To be honest I think corporate sellouts are the ones who exploit the society, and trample over others just to achieve their goals. Soulless creatures, I tellss ya. But yeah, maybe tumblr SJW vocabulary made another revolutionary™ breakthrough.]

That said, I know that you are already in the right track. And even though you seem to be in a dilemma, I could see that you’re geared towards computer science already :) Both maths and programming are your passions, and I’m glad that you discovered that at an early age. Don’t be afraid to take the leap. And if later on you realize that perhaps the degree you pursued wasn’t where your heart is, I can only assure you that you are not the first and last person who would feel this way—and that’s perfectly okay. Lots of people end up in jobs that are radically different from what they took up in uni, and they excel and feel really satisfied in those fields. And there are others who eventually go back to school to fulfill the academic approach that they had missed. Whatever happens, don’t be afraid to troubleshoot and start again. Don’t think that you had a late start on coding. I’m in my late 20s and I know that I still have a lot more to learn—not just with programming—and that really excites me. Remember, formal education isn’t the only place where we could learn and harness our skills. We’re so lucky to have lived in this digital age where everything could be presented to us with just a click or a tap of a button, so we should take advantage of that.

My last advice to you is to master BOTH the technical and creative skills needed in this science, both of which are essential to be a good programmer—bridging the technical side of coding with the creativity to solve problems. I know I still have a long way to go, but somehow, I think I could consider myself as someone who already has a good foundation and an in-depth knowledge of programming. This skill is something that does not only aid me in my career, but it also helps me with problem solving and thinking about issues structurally. With coding, I can solve problems and think of multiple solutions for the same problem, and can see the pros and cons for each solution. Further, I’m able to challenge my own assumptions in all of these solutions. However, like I’ve said, I don’t think that programming is something that I could do professionally. Despite excelling in the technical side of it, I believe that in this industry, the creative ability of a programmer is the one that is highly sought after. I totally concur that one should never underestimate how HARD programming is, and I guess that’s the beauty and challenge of this discipline. I know that I have the dedication and patience for this skill, but even if I master the complexities and technical skills needed in programming, admittedly, I still lack the creative elegance that I see in a professional programmer. But I hope that you could find the equilibrium in these factors and excel on them.

It will never be my intention to discourage you, on the contrary, I hope that with these information, you could objectively weigh the reality of the field that you would get yourself into. Which is why I’m glad that you did your research because it shows how serious and passionate you are to take time in educating yourself with these details. More importantly, I hope that you could talk to someone you look up to and trust in real life, because choosing a career is a serious life-changing decision. But feel free to DM me if you want to add or discuss something else :)

Thank you for your question, gotshineboc. I really hope that this could help you out. Very best of luck!

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