#YOU CAN'T GET ANYWHERE HERE WITHOUT A FUCKIN CAR

[blingblong55]

To live without- 141 + Alejandro

Based on a request:

Hii can I make a request for some angst?? Maybe the reader having an argument with the TF 141 + Alejandro, inside the car or anywhere resulting to a break up?? Cause I'm a sucker for angst, thankss 🫶

F!Reader, angst, established!relationship, break-ups, cheating (not all)

A/N: This will be in 5 parts

Part 1 (John Price), Part 2, (Soap), Part 3 (Gaz), Part 4 (Alejandro)

It has been a stressful few months for him, between his job, you, his own safety and yours, let alone the current argument over his current state. It's why you and he are now in the car, having this argument.

Ghost:

Your breakup was the accumulation of months and months of distrust and his latest injury that got him 7 months off work. He started drinking, a lot more than his usual beer or two every other day. then his questions that suggested you must be cheating or that you are the enemy and of course, you understood the past mission was difficult on him. You knew from the start a man like him, a soldier with so many bad memories and so many betrayals was bound to have days where he couldn't and wouldn't trust you.

Lately, he has been worse, sleeping late, waking up early, smoking too much for your personal liking, becoming a heavy drinker and he now yells at you.

You had gone on a walk when he suddenly woke up, looked around your shared flat and the second he knew you weren't home, he drove to the only place where his drunk mind knew you'd be, the park. And just like expected, you were there, playing fetch with your dog.

"I knew you'd be here" his speech slurred. You were worried the instant you understood he was still somewhat drunk and the fact that you saw his truck. "Simon, you drove here?"

"Yes, I needed my beautiful girl."

"Simon, that isn't safe for you or anyone on the road-"

He pressed his index finger against your lips, trying to get you to shush up and you moved his hand away from your lips.

"This is so irresponsible of you, c'mon, let's get in the car," you start to walk, dog trailing along. "I'm driving," you add.

Once in the car, he sits in the passenger seat, "You're no fun, love"

"Life is fun, not ending it because you are an irresponsible drinker."

He scoffs, "Oh c'mon, don't act like you are perfect," he looks over at you as you start the car.

"And I'm not perfect, but you have to understand-"

"Yeah I fuckin' get it, I am an alcoholic and you are perfect-"

"Enough, Simon! I am tired of you drinking, yelling for no reason and being a prick to me all the time!" you snap

"If you weren't such a bother in my life I wouldn't be a drinker.." he comments. You can't even drive off because you are trying to contain such anger inside.

"Simon-"

"No, R/N, you act like I am a fuck up, I'm not my father...and I am not a fuck up, not to mention you treat me like a child ever since the injury."

"I never said you were any of those things and I only treat you with care, I want you to live a long life-"

"Yeah I've heard this so many times, Why don't you fuck off and leave my life for good."

That was his flaw, acting or speaking before thinking and now all is lost. It has been 3 months since you moved out, 1 month since he started to sober up and 2 months since he began to beg you for forgiveness. He has tried to gain the life he once had, the warm bed and the warm hugs and to be honest, he hasn't left the house much since the breakup, hates bars and pubs and hates knowing you aren't there to take him home. He has improved though, always hides the keys in new places before he starts to drink, walks anywhere, looks at both sides before crossing and as he does so, always thinks of you.

He can't take back what else he said in the car that evening and he will forever regret losing the one thing he loved the most. The one thing he has to live without.

[manicrouge]

Masked

[ꜱɪᴍᴏɴ ʀɪʟᴇʏ x ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ]

[ᴅᴀᴛᴇ ᴘᴏꜱᴛᴇᴅ]: 15/02/24

[ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ]: You've wanted to meet Ghost for a long time. Fortunately for you, he's a fan of halloween.

[ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ]: 2.8k

[ᴛᴡ]: slight dumbification (if you squint and tilt your head), oral (m receiving), he's a tad bit mean in this sorry he's a grumpy pants my bad guys. I don't think there's anything else.

[ᴀ/ɴ]: This is absolutely filthy I am so sorry. It's been a while since I wrote smut (I so didn't steal this from something I wrote with my ocs haha).

Please don't post my work anywhere else without my permission !!

Walking outside, you close the door behind yourself, observing the front of the home.

As far as the eye could see, you was sure there was nothing but wilderness. Of course, you're stating such purely based on assumption- the world could have very much shifted and you would be none the wiser due to your blurry sight.

Stepping forwards again, you rub your hands together as a cold gust of wind blows harshly, pushing the hair sitting on your shoulders around your neck.

Price was full of shit; he isn’t here.

There was no one, only the cars that had pulled into the drive way sitting alone, waiting for their owners. Exhaling harshly, you continue forward, opening your mouth. 

'Simon?' you say, turning your head to cover as much of the area as possible. 'Simon?' you call out once more before scoffing under your breath, rolling your eyes.

You’d have to remind Price that it's halloween, not April fools day. Your mouth forms a thin line as you cross your arms. 

Stepping backwards, you begin to turn around all for you to stop in your tracks when a firm hold catches your forearm. In the blink of an eye, you're forced against the wall beside the door.

All air is pushed from out your lungs in a sudden gasp, your hands grabbing the forearms of your attacker.

Before you can scream, a hand is placed over your mouth, and as you feel the material across your face, a burst of redness fills your cheeks when you caught sight of a skull mask.

Looking down at the gloved hands on your mouth, you catch sight of the exact same skull print you have caught in pictures, yet, never in person.

The longer you observe his appearance, the more you find that he had thought of everything that went into the outfit- the eye paint, the balaclava, the holster on his thigh, the jacket… everything. He removes his hand from off of your mouth, allowing you to take a full (much needed) deep breath.

No fucking way. 

'Oh my Lord,' you merely manage to get past your lips, your grip on the fabric of his black coat tightening as you gulp thickly. 'You did not.'

The man standing in front of you doesn't speak, instead, he brings his head down closer to you, staring you in the eyes through the holes of the mask. His look is stern, authoritative.

Simon's not here anymore.

Shamefully, you press your thighs together, turning your head away from his gaze, sinking your teeth into your bottom lip as you let out a giggle. 

'Are you seriously that fuckin’ turned on by this?' Ghost asks, breaking the silence between the pair.

Your thighs are forced apart as he wedges his knee between them, the delight of the added pressure fading suddenly. Pressing his knee against your cunt, the hand that had been on your mouth settles against your throat.

You continue to laugh to yourself, colour filling your face. If he didn't have his gloves on, you're more than sure he most definitely would have been amused by how painfully hot your skin is to the touch despite the winter air.

'Is it that obvious?' you ask, cocking your head to the side as you address him. 

He moves his knee up higher, pressing right against your clit. You gasp in surprise, your knees buckling under his sudden movement.

Oh, he hates that you was enjoying it as much as you was- he's jealous. You can spy it in the spark in his eyes.

Unfortunately, you really can't help yourself.

Despite not having any doubts, you're provided with a direct sign of his jealous as his hand around your throat tightens. Your eyes falter, darting anywhere but his as you realise what you've somehow managed to get yourself into.

Sucking in a breath, he lets go of your throat, instead opting to grab your face.

'Look at me,' he says, 'I can feel you on my fucking leg, you’re leaking like a bitch in heat.'

'And I’m not ashamed of it,' you answer bravely, letting out a dreamy sigh as you look at him. 

For a moment, you're more than sure you've broken him as all he can do is look blankly at you. This entire situation shouldn't excite you as much as it is right now- you should be ashamed of yourself for even being excited at the sight of your boyfriend dressed in the same clothes he has wore to take lives.

But just like you shame, you find that your morality has also disappeared alongside it.

'We’re not going to the party,' he states, relaxing his hold on you.

A goofy grin makes its way to your face as you quickly nod your head, readying yourself for the walk to his car. Only, he has other plans, picking you up from off of the ground, throwing you over his shoulder as though you weigh nothing.

A squeal passes your lips as you hang from off of his back, swaying back and forward as he carries you. You slap his back in an attempt to protest, letting out a mumbled whine as you try to move. A firm hand meets your ass causing you to jolt forward, a squeak escaping you are your face grows hotter.

As the pair of you continue across the estate, your eyes widen as you watch Simon stroll past his car, instead, opting for the guest house. Pulling the door open, still keeping hold of you, he closes it behind himself.

'We can’t—'

'He doesn't need to know, love,' Ghost sharply responds.

You press your hands against your face, letting a shaky sigh escape you as you try your hardest to try and find a single part of you which still possesses some form of shame. You absolutely shouldn't be doing this.

However, your eyes skim the holster on his thigh and, suddenly, you don't feel bad at all.

'He's gonna kill us if he finds out,' you say, grinning like an idiot. 

'I can hear the smile on your face from here,' he says, kicking open the door to the bedroom. 'We're as bad as each other.'

You don't get the opportunity to respond to him as you're thrown down onto the bed. As soon as you hit the bed, you push yourself up on your forearms ensuring you're getting a decent view of Simon as he walks back to the open door of the bedroom

His heavy boots thud against the ground as he approaches the door, and when it closes, he turns around to address you, pulling his gloves off and tossing them to the ground. His tattoo sleeve only worsens the blow to your dignity and you find the room to be spinning the longer you observe him.

'This is why you were late, huh?' you ask.

'Yes,' he bluntly answers. Annoyance is clear in his tone, and you note how he seems almost irritated. 'Now, how about you put your pretty mouth to use for me, sweetheart? Or have I went through all this effort for nothing?' 

You have never moved faster in your life in order to fulfil a request- or, an order in this case. Nothing compares to the precision in which you push yourself off of the bed, practically dropping to your knees in front of him. It's shameful, really; you're treating your boyfriend like he's some sort of deity because of a few pieces of fabric.

Yet, he simply looks too good to justify acting in any other way.

Simon unclips his combat belt, allowing it to fall to the ground with a thud. Your hands greedily grab his zipper before he even has a chance to unbutton the top button on his cargos. Despite your rush, however, he dips his hand and undoes the top button while you pull down his zipper.

Grabbing the top of his pant, your pull the down slightly, grinning as your eyes catch a damp patch in the man's black underwear. He can point his finger all he wants, sure, however, he's clearly having fun with what he's doing for you.

With such confirmation, you pull down the waistband of his boxers, rapping your hand around the shaft of his cock, pulling it out from the confinements of his briefs, brushing the pad of your thumb over his red tip and collecting a bead of pre-cum while doing so.

'You’re enjoying this too,' you comment, moving your hand up and down. His hand grabs your hair, forcing your head backwards so you're looking at him. 

'I wasn’t askin’ for your observation, sweetheart,' he says lowly. 

Without even thinking of objecting to his request, you press the tip of his cock against your tongue, trailing your tongue around it. Simon lets out a small groan, tilting his head to the side as you do so.

You keep your tongue pressed to the bottom of your mouth and slowly, you take more of his cock into your mouth. Your tongue brushes against one of the veins in his shaft, knowing well that you're most definitely not going to be able to take all of him.

Of course, people typically say that God loves a trier, and fortunately, you know Simon does too.

So, you persevere in spite of knowing better, moving your head further and further down with the help of his hand on the back of your head. You let out a small noise when his leaking tip hits the back of your throat, and you swear you hear a short snicker from above you.

You still at such, deciding to pull away slightly all for your head to be held in place. Simon tuts at you and you peer at the masked man through your eyelashes.

Hiding under his mask is a smirk.

'Oh no, pretty girl,' he gruffly says, 'after all the effort I’ve went through for you, you’re gonna take more of me, and y’ gonna let me use that throat of yours,' he firmly states. 

His words make a wooziness fill your head. You know you could always tap his thigh if you really couldn't take it, yet, you're determined to fulfil his desire; he's absolutely fulfilled yours.

Inhaling through your nose, your cheeks grow brighter as you feel his hand guide you further down his cock. Tilting his head backwards, he let out a laconic moan. 

'Fuck, that’s it. That’s a good girl.'

His sentiment leaves you more breathless than his cock, and in a second of surprise, you attempt to pull backwards again in order to take a breath. Tears prick the corners of your eyes as his hand keeps your head firmly in place, your stomach dropping as you choke for a moment.

Still, the eyes that look down at you are menacing- he clearly isn't concerned in the slightest, and if the pair of you hadn't been together for so long, you would have made the assumption that he was falling more and more into the character of Ghost.

Your scalp burns as he tightens his grasp on your hair, pulling your head backwards. You gasp for air as he pulls you off of his cock, choking on a chain of coughs.

As you blink, a tear rolled down your cheek. Your chest raises and falls quickly as another tear slips past your eye as he forces you to look at him again. 

'Look at you, hm?’ he begin, 'crying from my cock like a little slut,' he continues, clearly amused by the state you had managed to work yourself into. 'I’m gonna fuck your mouth, use your throat, and when I cum, you’re gonna swallow all of it,' he states, grabbing his shaft. 'Open wide, darlin’.'

Opening your mouth, you wrap your lips around his cock, allowing him to force your head further down. Any dignity you had earlier tonight has definitely been left at the door, and you're more than sure it's clawing at the door in an attempt to ensure she doesn't go off into the deep end. Only, you choose not to listen to anything aside from the short breaths of your lover.

You look up at him through wet eyelashes, wincing slightly as his grip tightens on your hair. He guides your head with precision, ensuring you're taking as much of him as you can fit in your mouth- using you like you're nothing more than something to aid is his pleasure.

You've taken more of him than you usually manage and still, you're astonished at the very fact that you still haven't fit all of him in your mouth. Such a fact has a wetness pooling in your panties.

'That’s it, sweetheart,' he exhales, 'fuuckk, yeah, that’s right, love, take all of it.'

Removing your hands off of your bare thighs, you grab his hips, digging your manicured nails into his skin as he fucks your throat. His moans and groans are unlike anything you've really heard from him, the seething breaths working well to make your heart pound in your chest.

Saliva seeps out of your mouth as he continues to use you as though you're nothing more than his fuck toy. You choke on him, not that you could have helped at, and as your gaze fell from off of him, he hisses.

'Eyes on me, gorgeous,' he snaps.

Immediately, you look at him.

'Good girl.'

Oh, he really wants to kill you. 

More tears drip down your cheeks as he picks up the pace slightly. His lack of care right now is striking and you're shocked that you find yourself enjoying how he's using you. One thing is painfully clear, the very thing you spied when the pair of you were outside together: he's so painfully jealous and he's trying to vent his frustrations by using your mouth as he wishes.

Nothing has ever gotten you so excited and you can easily see through the tough act, spying the truth as to why he's being slightly rough with you.

Your nails dig further into his skin as you feel him pressing into your throat, the muscles immediately clenching as you longed for a breath of air. Your makeup is smudged and you're cheeks feel sticky from the streaks of mascara. Your thighs are coated in spit as you drool around his cock.

His breathing grows harsher and his hand guiding your head begins to move you in a slightly clumsy manner. You're expecting him to cum, however, he pulls you off of his cock quickly, replacing your mouth with his free hand. He keeps you in place with the hand tangled in your hair.

Precum and drool coat your chin as you stare dumbly at him, your eyelids drooping slightly as your chest heaves while you try and catch your breath.

'Look at the fuckin’ mess you’ve turned into, sweetheart,' he says, looking you in the eyes. Moving his hand from off of your head, he grab your face, pressing the pad of his thumb against your wet bottom lip. 'Drunk off of my fuckin’ cock, hm? Dirty fuckin' girl,' he scolds, pulling your mouth open. 'Open that pretty mouth of yours, love.'

You do as you're told, feeling your core practically beating at the sight of him jacking off in front of you. He tilts his head back as he lets out one final guttural moan before his cum spurts from out of his cock.

You keep your mouth open as he paints your tongue with his load, looking without shame as he continues to milk every single drop out of himself, taking deep breaths as he slowly comes down from his high.

Instead of swallowing immediately, you look at him with an eager eye, waiting for him to tell you what to do.

'Swallow,' he demands.

You close your mouth and swallow his load with a small wince.

Tucking himself back into his boxers, you watch in dismay as he zips his pants up and does the button up too. There's as sinking feeling in your stomach, the overwhelming desire to fulfil your own needs nearly making you teary eyed as he helps you up from off of the ground.

'Is- Is that it?' you shakily ask, looking up at him.

He smirks at you, you know he does as the fabric of his mask shifts. Grabbing your face, he smudges a streak of mascara with the back of his thumb, a low chuckle rumbling through his chest as he leans closer to you.

'Ghost doesn't play fair, sweetheart.'

Masterlist

[sixgears]

❪　🐹　❫　...　𝗣𝗛𝗢𝗘𝗡𝗜𝗫'𝗦　𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗩𝗜𝗘𝗪,　𝗧𝗛𝗘　𝗗𝗜𝗥𝗘𝗖𝗧𝗢𝗥'𝗦　𝗖𝗨𝗧.

when   did   your   first   realize   you   had   a   passion   for   cars   /   racing?

“ all my life, i guess? i mean, my dad's a mechanic. back when we lived in the philippines, he owned an auto shop — some days i would just sit there and watch him work. ” phoenix treasures those memories fondly, a childhood spent snacking on cheap candy from the store next door while sat on the hood of a car, their little legs swinging, as their father explained what he was doing so that phoenix would better understand.

have   you   found   a   ‘family'   within   your   crew?   (if   not,   would   you   ever   consider   swapping?)

eyes flit to the ground, teeth gnaw at their bottom lip, unsure of what to say now that the question of swapping crews has been implied. “ i do consider the rodani prowlers my family, ” they say, tone clipped. it isn't a lie, they are family to her, it's why she feels so guilty of the thoughts and decisions plaguing her mind. you're better off with the nariza bois, you'd thrive there. “ i belong with them. i don't see myself anywhere else. ” now that — that is a bold faced lie.

tell   the   story   behind   your   alias.

“   oh,   it's   a   bit   dumb.   ”    phoenix   giggles,   fidgeting   with   the   keychains   on   the   carabiner   clipped   to   their   belt   loop, one of them a lego minifigure of jean grey.   “   marvel,   like   the   comics,   because   i   told   someone   i   call   myself   phoenix   like   the   x-men   character.   it   just   stuck,   ”   they   shrug.   “   i   like   it,   though.   sounds   totally   badass. makes me feel like a superhero.   ”

what   does   losing   a   race   feel   like   to   you?

“   suuuucks,   ”   she   groans, head craning back in dramatic fashion that they almost fall of their chair. one thing about phoenix is that they can be quite a sore loser, and it isn't something they're afraid to admit. but who likes losing, anyway?   “   i   get   so   bummed   out,   totally   ruins   my   vibe   for   the   rest   of   the   week.   especially   if   i,   like,   worked   on   the   car   and   stuff!   i   put   in   the   effort   and   it   goes   to   shit?   dawg,   that's   awful!   ”

is   street   racing   a   long   term   plan   or   a   short   lived   hobby   for   you?

“ huh. i guess i never thought about it. ” phoenix can't imagine doing this forever, and yet the idea of life without street racing feels difficult to bear. there wasn't anything else for her outside of racing, no career or goals to work towards. “ i don't know, really. i'm just going with the flow right now, see where life takes me. i don't really think about the future too much. ”

how   do   you   feel   about   the   establishment   of   the   nariza   bois,   particularly   in   relation   to   their   split   from   the   rodani   prowlers?

in all honestly, phoenix doesn't really care as much. she came onto the scene shortly after the split — a mere replacement for all the more valuable people who left. she shrugs. “ i dunno, it's not really any of my business. i'm just here to work on our cars and kick the nariza bois' asses with 'em. ”

you're   often   seen   around   turf's   skate   park–   what   does   a   typical   visit   look   like   for   you?

phoenix   laughs,   full-bellied   and   genuine.   the   park   is   her   favorite   place   in   the   world   —   she's   been   going   there   since   she   first   discovered   the   place   at   fourteen.  “   oh,   i   go   fuckin'   crazy.   i'm   in   there   for   hours,   ”   they   answer.     “   it's  where  i  learned  all  the  cool  tricks  i  know  now.   ”

do   you   ever   have   the   urge   to   swap   positions?

“   not   really, ” phoenix shakes her head. “  i'm not really   like, big on driving or anything. i prefer working under the hood, makes me feel more in control of what i'm doing,   but   it'd  be   cool   to   be   in   the   car   for   a   day.   see   what   the   drivers   mean   when   they   tell   me   i   fucked   something   up   and   ruined   their   drive,   ”   phoenix   remarks   with   a   hint   of   snark.

[astarab1aze]

🩵 hehe

muse relationship headcanon game

who curses more?

they both cuss a lot, but if i absolutely had to pick one of them? nope, still can't skjdfh they are both living embodiments of that one song by blink-182

who is more patient?

oh it's gotta be loux. i'm pretty sure it's loux. he's so - a way about things. like he could wait an eternity for kai to make up his mind about him, help him through his worst anxieties and experiences without so much as a sigh, like.

who does the driving?

um kai, obviously. and that's why he gets paid the big bucks :U (road head)

who is louder? who is quieter?

they're the same omg. they pop off, yell, scream, and generally just talk all the time skjdfh in certain contexts though, loux buttons the fuck up and kai kinda does the same a bit. they're just the same here

who is more physically affectionate?

this is a joke question because they're all over each other every chance they get, mutually. like loux wants kai in his mouth to some capacity in perpetuity, and kai has a slightly higher sex drive than loux. they cuddle and hold hands, but they be fuckin. they doobie doobie do bruh

who is more likely to tease the other?

no we for sure agree on this point. fully believe they get bonkers about it too.

who is better with time management?

well kai's a hitman so he's gotta be, and loux's a drug dealing mass murderer. they have plans and schemes and shit they gotta do so they both gotta be. right? right??

who wins the arm wrestling matches?

loux has too much respect for the spirit of competition. he's not using magic for this, i promise you. all natural, and he will lose gracefully.

who controls the music in the car ride?

loux. i bet he has so many hyper-specific playlists and oodles of music kai would not enjoy ksjdhf either way, driving down the coastline, sun setting a bright, righ orange, vibing to good music together? yes

who covers dinner when they order in?

it's one or the other and they don't really care who

who is more outgoing? who is more shy?

you said it best homie. these two are so outgoing! getting out there and living their best, highly dangerous, batshit ass lives. there are times loux observes more and is therefore quiet and reserved, but he's never ever been shy.

who has the more outlandish fashion sense?

loux 10000000%, i'll get the pins--

who starts the tickle fights? who ends them?

i always thought they both might start it and that it would absolutely end in them fucking. halfway through, they'd just start making out and the rest would be history omg

who has the darker/more “edgy” sense of humor?

they're both horrendous. awful. it's still a cod lobby in 2010 for them

who is more competitive when it comes to games?

loux can be very competitive, but it's entirely because he genuinely enjoys competing for whatever. games, festival things, cooking, like- it's that ambitious side of him, that need to win, prove himself. so i would say loux--

who has the bigger appetite? the bigger sweet tooth?

loux is a walking garbage disposal

who is more likely to get in a confrontation in public?

nah they jumpin the same guy together. they both throw down and would immediately

who hosts the parties/hangouts? who organizes them?

loux plans a lot of it. i don't know that they ever end up going anywhere...for obvious reasons sksksk loux is alll about kai the second he sees him again, nothing else really matters as long as they're together

who is better at cooking? do they ever cook for each other?

loux is like gordon ramsey and also an enormous pain in the ass when it comes to cooking. kai can just sit there and look pretty.

who is more likely to engage in dangerous and/or illegal behavior?

they met getting high and both kill people for a living. :I

who is more likely to notice when something is wrong with the other?

there's no way they're not both so completely in-tune to the other. they notice right away.

who does the talking in public settings (i.e. to the waiter at a restaurant)?

nah, they're both so individual and so loud and willful, they both just talk ok lol and are more than happy to piss everyone off doing it

who is more likely to extend a helping hand & provide emotional support?

i think they help each other in different ways that are both potentially toxic and fairly supportive, but i can't confidently say which one is more likely to do so over the other. it depends on context

who is the bigger prankster? do they get the last laugh or do they suffer for it?

loux goes balls to the wall and then fucked for it, i'll hear nothing else

[eternal-nyx]

1 MONTH ON T

 10/25/2023-11/21/2023

Days 29 - 56

Today is day 29 of my HRT diary! Holy shit! As of writing this, I have just taken my 5th injection.  Let's throw together a quick little list of the changes we've seen during month 1. 

Day 29

October 25th 2023

Hygiene: 

Looking into buying a new deodorant. Mine is slowly stopping working and I need to use so much more of it. My feet stink! I don't even wear socks or shoes. I never leave my house!!!!! This is wild. My body odor in my underarms is very much locker room stank, and my under-breasts smell like old taco bell. The amount of showers....JFC, 

NSFW: 

One inch of growth in the first month. Not mad about that at all. This thing is a plump little monster let me tell you. I get random erections, like a teenage boy. Sitting in the car? Erection that tingles and itches. Eating pizza with my family? Erection that makes me have to shift my weight, but I can't escape it! Crying over my broken bong? Yup. Erection there too. Fuck you, tick tack dick. 

I own an entire box of toys. I have a very healthy sex life and a partner who is more than willing to assist. But no matter what I try, it doesn’t STOP. And it’s not emotional its physical. I can FEEL this…..tingling? Fullness? I expected sensitive, and I expected wanting to have sex more. But being PHYSICALLY aroused more when I just wanna take a nap? Or watch tv?

Peeing is weird. I was just sitting on the toilet, peeing like one does, and I COUGHED. And my pee YEETED onto the wall instead of going in the toilet. Like....henh? The urethra in the AFAB anatomy isn't anywhere near the clit. The fuck is happening? Well. Whatever, guess this is life now. 

If my boobs don't stop feeling bruised soon I STG I might just cut them off myself. Holy fuck. Ow. 

Appetite: 

Early on I had some increased appetite that I actually benefitted from a lot. It helped me combat my ARFID ED, and was a welcome change. Though, now it's starting to taper out as nausea and PMS symptoms kick in. Hoping it comes back as my cycles hopefully cease.

Body Hair: 

Acne in places I never thought I would get it but here we are. Ass acne? Breast Acne? Thigh? Sure. I have Hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), also called acne inversus, I'm used to that shit. But my NECK?! MY SCALP? MY FUCKIN ELBOW?! The hell?! 

Vocal:

Yeaaaaaaaaaa we dropped ya'll. I'm a raspy, cracky, little bitch but OH I am loving it. I can't wait to see where it settles. 

Here are some things I wrote during earlier weeks about vocal changes:

October 18th 2023 

Night 21-Morning of Day 22

Overnight my voice really started to drop into a raspiness. It's like the beginnings of Laryngitis but instead of squeaking I'm rasping. That said, the rasping feels soothing on those sore areas of my throat. Using my voice in this comfortable range seems to help progress it without hurting it. 

October 13th 2023

Day 17 

Talking voice has begun to crack

October 16th 2023

Day 20

I think my voice just DROPPED

My throat hit an all time sore today. 

I was rubbing it and gargling numbing medicine and water. I'd taken the max dosage allowed for OTC ibuprofen and Tylenol every 6 hours on the DOT. I even took an extra of my fibromyalgia pain management medication. I had trouble eating, vaping (nicotine), smoking (medical weed), and also literally had chose my food based on what would help my throat or at least not hurt it further. I even spent parts of the day silent and nonverbal to try to sooth it and let it rest. 

However, I found that to be counter productive. I realized that using my voice in a comfortable chest voice range helped to sooth some of the tenderness. So I sung some poor man's poison and some seether. Then I went back to not talking again. It just HURT all morning. It's even affected my sleep. The throat pain bothers me more than the clit sensitivity. 

Just now, before typing this, the pain started to subside and all of a sudden my voice is like gravely and feels like I'm talking from my breastbone and not my throat. 

October 17th 2023

Day 21

The sore throat is less intense and no where near as constant. It comes and goes and so does my voice. Sometimes its normal, sometimes raspy.

Body General:

My mother noticed a change in my face shape during a video call. She said I look more like my father. 

I've noticed a change in my over all torso shape, however I'm not sure if it's due to weight loss, as I've lost 20 lbs, or the T redistributing things. Could be both I suppose. 

Menstruation:

I took pregnancy tests every single day I was late to be safe. All remained negative

After being intimate with my partner this morning, she informed me there was blood. I went to inspect, and sure enough, my flow started. My cramps are intermittent but normal for me in the moderate to severe range. So far the actual flow is light. Continuing to monitor changes. 

Misc:

Shaved off my face a few weeks back to monitor the new growth more accurately. Starting to feel itchy stubble on the chin. Here we go. 

Moody AF. Might talk about increasing my Cymbalta dosage actually. It's kind of intense.

[sincelastsession]

FUCK MY NEIGHBORS

They turned over all my planters now and I have NO PROOF but NOBODY else that lives here would do that. They know I have spoken to the SWAT sheriff twice now and he believes me and is on my side and all but the fuckin office will not listen to his expert advice to put a safety camera up at the pool area and he doesn't think I should have to put cameras up. Like there was a literal drug dealer that lived there before and was WAYYYYY quieter and chill and kind. My neighbor Darlene also a black woman with her one child has described these people as "ratchet" and told me they could not be reasoned with and want me to confront them and will likely keep bothering me tillthey get caught or I move out. I haven't checked my car but I fear they have fucked with it too. There's no cameras ANYWHERE on the premises. They want me to get a camera. I do not have it in my budget to get a cheap camera to put it up to deter people that should know what courtesy is as it isn't a fucking hard concept to understand.

I'm having fucking heart issues and a ptsd flare and autistc burnout from hell and god fuckin knows what else and now I can't fuckin sleep because ppl gotta be all in my fuckin plants to get back at me and FOR WHAT.

The pool was pristine and empty and they could have gone swimming despite the notes we all got. But no they chose to wreck my shit.

I do not give a damn if the pool is packed like a tin can and people swan dive off the balcony as long as they keep it down because I live here along with 20 other apartments with residents in just this area.

I don't know why they think it's just me calling because my neighbors do too.

This is fucking bullshit.

I do not need this stress.

I want to be financially independent but right now I NEED my parents to move me.

Fuck I mean I even told them i'd stay in a studio with essentials for a while if they could pay for storage but every safe area studio starts at 800-900 and I can't swing that by myself either.

I do know one person looking for a good roommate to live with and im going to ask my parents about a 2br 2bath place and let her just pay less rent to give em a break. Idfk what else to do. Maybe they will agree and she will be thrilled to move in. I dunno tho because she has her kids on the weekends but i know she's not terrible.

It's almost impossible to speak with my dad. He was an embarrassing ass coming over here and i told him not to touch the plant massacre and he moved shit before the officer could take goddamn pictures.

Then as I'm done sweeping up while the officer stood there because I was terrified feeling like as soon as he walked to go back home and my dad left the fucking neighbors were screaming laughing at "that white bitch sweeping up all the dirt was so funny"

I was super upset and Travis is like "Yeah you need to move" and everyone is like "yeah you should move" and ive been calling places and literally every place even the ghetto is "too expensive" and I have offered to try and put money towards various things if it will help me move faster.

I do not have another adult to cosign a lease with and being on SSI I can't sign a lease myself currently and if I could get a housing voucher the areas they are in aren't any safer and they do not allow animals no exceptions.

I don't have an appointment with you for next week. This is VERY DISTRESSING. I need to maybe have a check in if you have the time to call briefly. I don't know what to do and I don't know if im handling any of this well and im scared to leave my apartment now.

Like I do not care if it was just planters. It has been TWICE now.

I'm not crazy and they are doing shit to fuck with my head and damaging my property and because I have no camera money they are getting away with it. Plus there is nowhere to mount the damn cameras. I cannot run a cord or mount without like a professional install.

Fuck this.

I just want to live in peace and heal and have a life without worrying if i'm going to wake up to more shit broken or worse.

I legitimately almost had to go to the fucking hospital b/c my bpm was tachycardia when I checked it with my EKG tool. Had to CHEW my anxiety med and resist barfing to get it to kick in faster.

I'm sweating like hell from stress. I keep being unable to speak at times. I am getting MORE fight or flight urges and the coping mechanisms aren't doing shit currently.

I can smell someone smoking cigarettes outside my apartment but I am too scared to open my door and look.

No just fucking NO NOPE I FUCKING CANNOT THIS IS NOT OK. I go through enough already.

[vaiisravana]

Looking Back ;

A self-soothing, transdimentional talk with myself. This is a work by a fictive in a system, and I would like to put it here so that I can flesh this blog out with who I am a bit more, as opposed to just being a reblog pit. Anyone, of course, is free to read if they wish.

Word Count : 2750

"What's it like?"

The hill is quiet. There's a gentle breeze that rustles the leaves of the sakura tree behind us, and the grass sways in its presence, but it's quiet. You can't hear the people nor the cars nor the children like you usually can. The world is still. The sun remains at a fixed point, low in the sky, in eternal set. Waiting. Watching, maybe.

I sit in it as I think. We don't look at each other, we just stare forward beside one another. My legs are crossed. She has one out in front of her and is leaning on the other, bent to her chest. She does turn to me after a bit of silence. She does command an answer, but she doesn't mean to. She expects one and makes that apparent with just the tilt of her head, but she doesn't mean to be demanding. Her aura isn't her fault.

"It's tough," I say finally. "It's nice in a way, but tough."

"I think that's true for anywhere, and any life. Especially a human one."

"Yeah… I mean." I take a breath and hold it, trying to figure out what I want to say, and how I want to say it. "I like humanity. Even with its flaws I'd say I like it. I still feel kinda like an outsider, even as one'uv'em. I have all the weaknesses n flaws of a human and yet they still feel beyond me."

Her face falls a bit. "I see… So it isn't so simple as integration, then."

I shake my head. "I still feel. Like you feel. That intense, all consuming way of feeling? Where everything is everything all the time. I feel joy, n sadness, n anger, and they all feel turned up all the way. I feel everything as fully as my lungs take in air, or my blood runs through my veins. I am nothing if not my emotions, I think."

"I've been told it's different. That a God cannot feel the way a human feels."

"If that's true, then I haven't changed. I think you've been super lied to, though. I mean. I feel your pain still sometimes. In all its intensity."

"... I'm. Sorry to hear that."

"I don't mind. It reminds me that… I'm not totally different from you. Even though I feel like I am."

"Do you? You look about the same. Perhaps more American." Her smile is sweet. She has a sense of humor but it's clumsy. I laugh anyway, though not very loudly.

"I'm weak now… And like. Extremely childish. I talk funny, n I can't get outta bed for days sometimes…"

She's quiet. Thinking.

"I can't do shit by myself. I was raised perfectly capable but if I'm alone I get scared. I can't go ta the store without someone with me. I can't eat alone at a restaurant. I'm terrified'a loneliness n stepping outta line in case I break some kinda rule I don't even know about. I'm horrified of embarrassin myself by bein alone, or even just. As a concept. I'm mortified by the idea of embarrassment, and bein an embarrassment, and then I do things like. Scream when I laugh, or sneeze dumb, or stomp my feet n twirl around when I'm happy. I say gurl n like n use my hands too much when I talk. I'm capable of bein serious about stuff but I never sound serious. I can't work a full time job, I'm too exhausted all the time. I fall short'a you… In so many ways… I mean, Jesus Christ I know I'm not a god but I'd like to be able to do the bare fuckin minimum, yanno? Like I wanna provide! I wanna have kids one day! I wanna stand on my own two feet! I want people to look at me like wow! You're so strong and capable and helpful! Not the way they do now… People just… See me as silly. And tired. And like a slacker, I think. I have hardworking friends that are so successful and I can't keep up and I know they think at least some type'a way about that. Even if they don't mean to. I try to inspire myself with you. Maybe if I can just push and push, I'll get there. Maybe I could work two jobs and fix everything. Maybe I could be stronger…"

She rearranges herself. Leans back on her hands and stares at the sky.

"You'd do well to listen well: These things have always been present. The way you perceive yourself right now are ways I've perceived myself since the dawn of time. I've relied on growing amounts of medication to handle my shinki instead of doing the hard but just thing and working out their problems. I've spent hours in hot springs and sleeping instead of protecting my people. I've watched my regalia laugh and play as an outsider who only wished to provide. I wanted to have children, and so I took them in. More than I could carry, in my own desperate desires. And I hurt them.

They didn't know any better than what I told them. I tried and failed to be their guidance. I tried and failed to provide for myself and others, and without Kazuma, or any of my close regalia, I would have squandered what little success I had much sooner. I, too, cannot go out on my own. Without Kazuma I am utterly lost. I've grown dependent not only on him, but on all of my regalia. To walk into any open place without them is to walk into battle without armor."

She stops. Just for a moment.

"We're still the same… You're shorter now, and a bit younger, but you're smarter, too. You're tired, like me. And you fight. And you fail. And you succeed, but you fail."

The silence returns as I take her words in my hands. Roll them between my fingers…

"If you saw me out there, you'd be embarrassed…"

"Why? Because you experience joy? Because you laugh? You sing? You dance? You think I'd be embarrassed by the very things I've longed for? To love, to be loved, and to experience the liberation of humanity?"

I hug myself, pulling my knees up as tears fall from my eyes. "I dunno…"

"I do not find you embarrassing. Nor do I see you as weaker than I am. You are human. You are experiencing human troubles and human joys and you are my experience in a world I have never belonged in."

"I think you belong… Now, and as me… Even when we don't feel like it… Even when we feel like outsiders…"

"...Maybe. I have my place. You have yours. Your strength is not measured by your failures. It isn't even measured by your success. It's measured by your willingness to go on. To get back up, to do it again. I know you have it in you. I know you still get up. You still push, even if it isn't as hard as you'd like to push.

Speaking of… Perhaps I'm no expert, but I think something should be said about not wearing yourself down. I have a bad habit, myself. I put myself in danger, shove myself to the brink, and make matters worse more often than not. To learn what hurts you, and to manage that, is growth. I have yet to learn it myself."

"It feels like quitting… It feels like giving up and taking the easy way, but it hurts so bad to keep going that I…"

"You do as you must. That's okay."

There's quiet again.

"What else have you experienced? Tell me what it's like to be a part of humanity."

I hum. "Sometimes it feels hopeless. Bigger than me, bigger than anyone. Billionaires and corporations run the Earth into the ground and we're helpless to do anything about it. Global warming and oil spills, ocean pollution n air quality, all'a the Earth's problems are blamed on us. On the little guys living bit by bit every day instead'a on those actually ruinin it all. Sometimes it's frustrating. Sometimes someone does somethin or says somethin or is a type'a way n ya just wanna-!" I throttle the air in front of me, shaking it like I'm choking it out.

"A lotta times I am still a lil outside'uv it. People are people n not an individual sometimes. Other times I understand too well, cuz I like psychology so much, and my empathy is too high. And sometimes when I see someone n they piss me off, I feel guilty that I'm not offerin this... Above it all sorta grace I could be offering. But, as a person. As someone involved in it all. As someone who's been bitten time and time again by people that are literally just. Shit. I've had ta learn. I've had ta learn time n place. I still struggle with it. Boundaries and stuff? I struggle with allowing things for too long. But sometimes ya gotta clap back."

"Clap back?"

"Yeah, like. Give em what they gave you. Stand yer ground n stuff."

"I see."

"It's different when people see ya as a person n not a God. They treat you like they would anyone else. That's good in that you can be more vulnerable and expressive, but bad in that sometimes people have bad intentions. It's easier ta hurt another person than it is ta take down a God, yanno?"

"So it's been unpleasant…"

"Not totally. There is a lotta joy. I have friends. I love my baby sibling. I was given the opportunity ta raise em, and I couldn't be prouder of'em, and happier ta be seen as a parent to em even though we're like. Not even 5 years apart. I love music, and performing, and gettin doted on by people who hear me sing. I like ta draw n get invested in my fandoms and my many lil men with glasses."

"Oh?"

"Yeaaah, I got a type. Like BAD it's REAL bad. A man has dark hair and glasses and it's over for me. Green eyes? Done. I'm out. And in love. Head over heels. Then they're smart? That's it. That's it!"

"Speaking of… How is Kazuma?"

"I'm… So lucky ta have him. I mean, it has its own troubles. I have mental illness out the damn wazoo, so havin him as an alter instead'a as a whole other person can be a challenge sometimes. On one hand it's great cuz we can be together all the time, but sometimes I just wanna hold his hand. Or like. Go to the store n have him with me. I'd way rather rely on him than any'a my friends. Not that I don't like em, he just… Actively brings me comfort, whereas most'a my friends just help me do the thing. Does that make sense?"

"I think so…"

"Like if Kazuma were there n we went to the store together I'd be giddy. I'd have a great time! I'd be giggly n bouncy and feel comfortable… But when like. Winter. Takes me. They're just there so everyone sees I'm not alone. I like Winter! They're a great friend! And we've had some fun times together! But it's not the same…"

"I see. I understand. But he's with you? And he's happy? What does he think about all of this?"

"He thinks I'm dumb. Well, I mean, he didn't say it like that, but…

I had this dream last night. It was kinda convoluted, lots was happening, but the basic premise was that I was in like. This videogame, kinda. Like I was the main, playable character in this new world where these lil. Monsters. Were runnin around. Like paint monsters. The Yomi no Koto no Ha is not lost on me here, believe me. They were made'a paint, but they needed ta be destroyed with paint as well."

"Were they phantoms?"

"Not quite. They were really small, and not so brightly colored. They were kinda inky, kinda doodly. Like they were drawn, or made'a liquid paint. It's hard ta explain, I guess. They were specifically minions, though. Made by One Guy ta do his bidding - again, the parallel is not lost on me.

Anyway, I was in like. The tutorial part. Kinda. Where my weapon was bein supplied, and some lil creature guy was tellin me what was up or whatever. And he handed me this brush and said I could create anything I wanted. Anything at all, but only once.

And I made Kazuma."

Her smile is sweet. She knows she would do the same.

"He wasn't quite my Kazuma. He wasn't quite a real Kazuma. He was like an AI in that he had to "download" information about himself. Yeah I gave him life n all but because I crafted him, he wasn't exactly the real deal.

There was a part like. Right after. We walked into the next room and it was like a fancy restaurant. We sat at a table and talked a bit. I introduced myself kinda shyly. I don't remember why it started, but he kept drawin comparisons between us. First physical ones. Then like. Attitude ones. And concept ones. 

You created me. Gave me a name, gave me life, just like she did. That's the line I remember. I remember gettin scared n embarrassed n upset. I had ta take a walk outside because I felt so damn guilty. Like it felt like an honor because I know he loves you so much, but it felt like a lie because I feel like I'm nothing like you.

He met me outside and I cried in his arms. He made another connection. We talked about the times you felt weak. Like you weren't enough… We had a talk kinda like this one. I wish I remembered it in more detail… I would'a liked to have known all'a the comparisons… I think my passion was one? Or like. Something. I don't know.

I know I said it was a dream, but because the whole alter thing, it's pretty likely that if he shows up in my dream, he's actually there. That's why I bring it up. He seems ta think the same things you do."

"And you doubt him?"

"It's less that I doubt him and more that I'm afraid to believe it. It feels kinda like. Pompous? Kinda? To be like I am the reincarnation of a God, actually. Especially when like… I feel like anyone would look between us and laugh. Mostly cuz'a my temperament."

"Then they sorely lack the understanding of how this works, and who I am. To see you live and laugh freely is my greatest relief. To watch you love Kazuma, and talk with him, and work with him not only as a team, but as partners, as proper lovers… It's everything I could have wanted. Watching you laugh, and smile, and twirl and dance… Every time, that is me living out my dreams of living a simpler, more human and more freeing life. A life away from phantoms and the stress of being unapproachable. Away from the status, and the expectations of a War God. It's living my dream of frolicking and dancing in the fields in the sun, cared for by higher powers who love me. It's love. It's a love of being. A love of the world around me, and the new and bright ways I get to experience it. A love of the intimacy. A love of not only my people, but all people, and how wonderful it is to be a part of that.

If no one can understand that, then they simply do not know what it is to be a God.

You are my escape. My vessel of a new, more relaxing life. I know it hasn't been easy. You are not wealthy, you are not in a position of power. But people love you, and they take care of you as you do them. It's all I've ever wanted."

I wipe my eyes again, finally facing her. I sniff and lean against her, and she holds me close with a warm smile.

I am her. I am the life she gets to live. A human life. One with all of the toils and troubles and highs and lows that are ever present but distinctly human.

And she loves that. She loves me.

[white--moon]

"You fuckin' better not. You leave me here by myself and I'm makin' it everybody's goddamn problem." He doesn't even know what he'd do if Ichigo got killed today. It wouldn't be pretty, and guaranteed it'd be messy. He doesn't handle that kind of emotion well. He sighs a suffering breath while Ichigo tries to talk reason into him. "I think you're really underselling a good moment of vindication, but what kinda real answers do you think we're gonna find tomorrow that we're not today? I didn't say I was gonna slaughter everyone I find immediately, although that's very tempting. I just said I was gonna kill them, I didn't say how long it was gonna take." He's really making this up as he goes, because he was definitely intending to just outright, brutally murder everyone he could get his hands on.

"I'm not desperate, I'm mad. I shoulda known not to drive that car around tonight. I shoulda picked literally any of my other cars. But I was-" He was at the bar by himself, what more does he need to say. "I wanted that one. It's not even my most expensive, but it's my favorite. Was.. my favorite." Ichigo goes still and stares at him, and he asks that quiet, single worded question. Shiro immediately knows he said way too much. He should have kept his mouth shut, but Ichigo's always been way too easy to talk to.

That tone, those half questions; he hates it. He can't look over at Ichigo, so he keeps his attention aimed at the elevator doors and keeps his expression as even as he can manage.

The elevator dings and he's so ready to be out of this too small space while Ichigo's staring at him like that. He straightens from the wall, except Ichigo slams that button so fast he flinches, then realizes he's not going anywhere and leans back against the wall again. His eyes flicker to Ichigo and he makes a face, "What? No." Would he be honest if he was? Even he's not sure. "If I was trying to kill myself I'd try real hard to make it an OD. Let me go out high as kite." Sure, if he was trying to kill himself.

Ichigo doesn't look pleased when he turns and takes that step forward. Shiro tries to flinch back, but his back is already to the wall. His arms uncross so damn fast when that hand finds his shirt, hands lifting between them but without making contact yet. He's expecting pain, not a kiss. It startled the hell out of him and he breathes out a surprised sound, but his hands find and grip the front of Ichigo's shirt and his knees suddenly feel a little weak. And why does his chest feel so tight? It's like he's trapped in a bear hug and all the air is slowly being squeezed from his lungs. All of a sudden, he feels more fragile than he thinks he's ever felt.

Kensei, that's what it was. He nods shallowly, then makes a face. "Should'a been less good at it, I guess." It's not a very nice thing to say, but if he hadn't been essentially trying to steal Shiro's car, he'd be alive right now. Although, his efforts might have saved Shiro's life. He's not sure how to feel about that.

A slight smirk tugs at one corner of his mouth. "I'm not sad about it now unless it gets you killed and I'm still around to know it." Yeesh, he's gotta stop talking like he's borderline suicidal. He rolls his eyes over to look at Ichigo with a silent sigh. "Because of business, not the same as conducting business." Look at him, arguing why he's being stupid when he clearly knows he's being stupid. He can't even blame it on being impulsive anymore, since all the talking and the soon to be elevator ride is really slowing his roll. But the pride comment and the parallel to Yhwach annoys him and he huffs a real breath and turns on Ichigo. "It's got nothing to do with my pride!" Although he is a very prideful person. "It's personal, it's- It was fucking cowardly and desperate. They're scared. And that car was the last thing I had that I could give two shits about. I ruined my relationship with you, my friends only have anything to say if I check in with them, Grimmjow-" He's shakes his head, he's not touching that right now. "My life is falling apart, only this time I have money to fund my habits so at least I haven't landed my ass in the street again. Why shouldn't I do this?"

And now he's stuck in an elevator after spilling his guts at Ichigo's feet. Cool. He crosses his arms and leans against the side wall. "You don't have to come with me." In fact, he doesn't want him to. He did, he knows Ichigo's the best backup he could ask for in this kind of situation, but he genuinely wouldn't be able to live with himself if something happened to Ichigo. "You shouldn't come with me."

[deadrlngers]

i have the brain worms bc of that post yesterday and now i can't stop thinking of ves/nix wedding so

they are going to steal the wedding dress. fenix is like i want my baby to look beautiful :)) and vesper is like i don't even like dresses. so they show up to some kind of fancy shop, fenix sees the price tags and needs to sit down. decision was made that they are going to steal all their wedding clothes.

wedding favors and confetti are A MUST. FENIX WANTS the few little guests they have to receive a little gift world be all dammed. i have no idea how confetti are called in english and its probably impossible they would find those little confections anywhere so they will need to switch to anything else, a little smth sweet for the good wishing. favors are another problem, what should they offer? i absolutely want that to be smth funny, smth ugly too, the thing i wish for isn't coming to me rn so i'll need to think more about but i just know it needs to be trash

also just bc it's extremely funny: serenade tradition. just fenix + daniel & nader singing terribly some kind of romantic song to vesper but ofc they are so bad at that. vesper wants to disappear and die

i mentioned italian wedding meals in that post. buffet / two primi / two secondi / fruit / cake. all of this from 2pm to fucking 11pm even. since they have so little guests it's not a big deal and nader's mom can cook perfectly well so she will care about that. ves & nix fighting over what they are going to eat, nix wants risotto with seafood (so true bestie me too) ves doesn't like seafood and she wants smth like fuckin carbonara. nix is losing his mind bc YOU DON'T GET IT I'M SOUTHERN ITALIAN A WEDDING WITHOUT FISH IS AN INSULT. so true bestie 2.0. thank god there are 2 choices...

tradition would want that the mothers would take care of things like bridal trousseaus, buy the bouquet and the veil for the bride and so on so forth but ofc...we don't have them here. generally it's missing that sweet little gestures of family going "i will buy this for your wedding" so daniel & company will do their best to take that role

also i said panam is the bridesmaid and daniel is the best man and lore wants that these two are the ones that should give THE BIGGEST gift to the newlyweds. panam gets away with it easily and gifts smth sweet, smth her and ves share memories about even. daniel is losing his mind. he's like WHAT THE FUCK i'm supposed to gift to these fuckers i am BROKE. and he probably thinks to give them like...a coffee machine? and he's thinks he got away with it until nader tells him he bought a car for them (hes lying to mess with daniel) and daniel loses his mind again

first dance as married couple....sobbing my eyes out on this one, probably vesper would scream at all the guests to turn around and don't look at them bc she's embarrassed. song is going to be almeno tu nell'universo by mia martini bc i have the power here and bc song is 1. beautiful 2. words feel like a wedding vow itself. "you know, people are weird / first they hate each other and then they fall in love" (<screaming ves/nix a lot here and it's literally the first words of the song) "you, you who are different / at least you in the universe / you will not change / tell me that you will always be sincere / and that you will really love me". literally no english word can express the raw emotion this song has it makes me lose it

also first dance with ur parents..we don't have this one either. daniel is going to dance with vesper like he is their dad and i'm not crying this is just sweat i swear. that would be embarrassing so they are probably just messing around but it's a sweet moment

my fave thing ever: when you get married here you get on your car and go honking everywhere in the city, just loudly making noise sometimes with some of your friends following u and doing the same thing. universal italian signal that someone got married. i'm making them do this too who cares. imagine the damn mess they would make, i love this

so many brain worms i have i think i'll just write this fic FUCK

[colossal-fallout]

[ Classified ]

The full report - Eren Yeager

The following report details all information on Eren Yeager. Contains NSFW content and reader must be over the age of 18 to view this document.

For your eyes only.

Name: Eren Yeager

Birthplace: Shiganshina

Height: 180cm / 5ft 9"

General

[ A1 ]

Appearance & Hygiene practices:

Eren's chestnut brown hair is always clean and fresh. Whenever he pays you a late night visit, he'll have most probably just gotten out of the shower. Coconut scented shampoo of sorts? Whatever it is, it smells so good.

Prefers showers over a bathe. He says it's to save time, but he spends a good 40 - 60 minutes in there, easily.

Once he's dry, likes to throw on jogger bottoms and a hoodie over his bare skin. His bare skin that is now so soft and scented as his favourite shower gel which is either tea-tree oil or Coconut.

If he wants to remain clean shaven, Eren must shave every 2-3 days. Sometimes he likes to grow it out but nothing ever past a long stubble.

Minimal body hair.

Trims the hairs on his pubic bone/lower stomach. Has pleasuring you in mind as he does so. Will take into consideration the friction against you.

Totally clean shaven testicles.

Eren's nails are short but that's because he bites them. [ see section A3 ]

Beautiful set of teeth. Brushes twice daily in a modern AU.

Eren adores it when you brush his hair for him. He finds it extremely relaxing as you massage his scalp. His eyes will close and a small, barely audible hum will emit from time to time.

Eren's skin care routine is pretty basic. All of the steam from sitting in his hot, frequent showers for so long seems to do him wonders - his skin is flawless and worthy of envy.

Due to the healing power of being a Titan shifter, Eren has no scars.

Eren has quite large hands with long fingers. He doesn't wear rings or jewellery as it reminds him of the burden of when he had to keep that damn key on him at all times. Will however, put up with a wedding ring.

[A2]

Body & Love language:

Eren is a pretty introverted person. His hands are usually tucked away inside of his pockets - be it either trousers or hoody/jacket.

He hunches a little too. Likes to feel hidden. He's had enough attention over the years and wants nothing more than to just shrink away in a crowded room. Or maybe, it's the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Brooding, moody exterior. Extreme "resting bitch face"

Shrugs a lot. At first glance, you'd think he was a moody teenager trapped in a grown man's body.

Likes to sit with his feet flat up on the chair with his knees splayed - you'll usually find him like this with an arm resting over a knee while the other is at a 90 degree angle pointing away from his hip.

Fumbles his hands together in formal occasions when he can't sit so casually or tuck them away.

Likes to drape his arm over you without touching you. His arm will rest above you on the top of the chair. A clear indication of "They're mine" and "I will keep you safe"

His hips will usually be swivelled in your direction, regardless of where you are in the room. A subconscious body language of sexual yearning.

Eren likes to hold hands with you when you're walking. He's not huge on PDA but likes the strong yet subtle showings that you're together.

Tends to rub his thumb over the back of your hand absent-mindedly when you do so.

His love languages include physical touch. Can get very needy and touch starved pretty easily. Not in a overbearing way, but even just a run of his slender fingers through your hair is enough to keep him going until the two of you are in a more private setting.

[A3]

Bad Habits & Tendencies:

As mentioned above, Eren bites his finger nails. His toe nails too. It's pretty gross to be honest.

He never does it in public, but he has been known to do it in front of you when he feels comfortable enough to do so.

Get's very fidgety when irritated or annoyed, which is pretty often. Especially if Jean is around.

Short temper. He's learned to tame it more over the years where he doesn't show it so easily. But everyone has their limit and when his is reached, his yell is booming and pretty intimidating.

During an argument with you he has been known to raise his voice, but it's not the frightening roar you've heard him unleash on others before.

Always apologises to you after he's calmed down. Even though it wasn't that bad.

If you two ever have a bad falling out, will lock himself away for days. He'll be pissed at himself for letting it get so bad and depressed that you two are having such problems. But he'll do anything he can to fix it.

[ A4 ]

Common misconceptions:

Obviously everyone has their own cannons and opinions. But I don't personally see Eren as being an abusive partner. Yeah, he has his problems and treats his friends like shit but there's a reason for that we'll probably see in the last chapter. If you're worthy enough to pierce that cold and distant shell, you're a very special person and he'll treat you as such.

Eren actually has a large heart hidden under that huge chip on his shoulder. He cares and loves the people around him unconditionally. Even to the point of carrying out mass genocide to protect them.

Still... He does have a dark side to be weary of at times.

Even though he's gross while in Liberio, usually Eren is actually pretty clean.

[ A5 ]

Food & Drink:

In a Modern AU Eren loves fancy coffees with the weird names. The longer to pronounce, the better. He just likes the fact they give him energy and the fancier ones taste good.

Due to not having meat for so long, a good ol' fashioned beef/lamb stew is his favourite.

Doesn't drink in canon.

Modern AU, his alcoholic beverage of choice is bottles of beer and craft ales. Sometimes is a sucker for red wine.

[ A6 ]

Modern Au:

Eren wears loose clothing. Hoodies, loose jeans, those baggy cardigans too.

His texting style is spam over one long message. Especially if he's pissed off. He's too impatient to sit and type in paragraphs.

Drives a black car. Don't ask me what type, I don't know cars. But it's black, 'kay?

It also has "black ice" air freshener inside.

Likes to ride quads and mopeds along fields. He's a thrill seeker. Rollercoasters, bungee jumping... you name it he's game.

Eren plays the guitar. He took lessons for it but after about a year he just went his own way and self-taught.

If he sees a guitar at a party, he will pick it up and play it. He won't sing though.

He actually hates singing. He finds it embarrassing.

Always has in his air pods/earphones.

Likes any sort of music that is catchy.

Probably streams on Twitch. He won't talk much though.

Could have a wide range of jobs. Coffee shop, could be in college, might be a ride attendant... who knows? It's anyone's guess what Eren is doing. He doesn't talk about himself that much.

Romance & NSFW

[ B1 ]

Crush:

Eren would definitely be in denial he has a crush on you at first.

• “Does y/n seem different to you?”

Armin; “No…? In what way?”

“I dunno… Just, different.”

• His poor stubborn brain would be ticking for weeks as to why he suddenly wants to be near you a lot more often and has urges to touch you, even if it’s just a slight brush against your arm.

• Will find any excuse to do extra training with you

• Once he FINALLY clicks on as to why he’s had these feelings, he’ll be pretty knocked off his feet and a little annoyed at himself.

I’m here to kill the enemy...

• Still though… Can’t seem to keep himself away.

[ B2 ]

First kiss & general kisses:

After the initial denial and keeping himself away, he'll just decide one day he's had enough of feeling this way and decides to to something about it.

He won't shove himself onto you. He'll do some sly probing to see if there is any indication of reciprocation.

Knowing Eren, he'll indirectly piss you off or insult you. He didn't mean to. He's just lacking social skills. Man aint smooth.

You'll slap him, probably, where he'll keep his head away from you for a few seconds, realising he's pushed you too far. Whichever side you palmed him away, he'll stay.

He'll slowly return his gaze to yours before gently holding your arms, apologising and planting his lips onto yours.

His general kisses are quite firm and forceful. Not in an aggressive way, but a "god I want you so bad" way.

Always either slides his arms around your waist or cups your face/head.

He tastes like sweetened tea <3 / Coffee in a Modern AU

Loves coming from behind and snaking his arms around you, nuzzling into your neck when you're doing something. Doesn't like it when your attention is away from him for too long.

When he's feeling soft and tender, will dance his nose with yours and catching your mouth in a caress.

When he's super turned on, he'll suck your tongue, bite your bottom lip and kiss anywhere he can.

[ B3 ]

Sex:

Ha ~~!

Eren is up there with the best when it comes to sex. He knows what he's doing and he does it well.

Extremely skilled with his fingers and tongue. He'll have you crawling the walls with hysteria as he likes to tease you throughout the day. He more than makes up for it, though.

Gropes, nips, kisses, licks, bites, flicks... anywhere and everywhere he can.

Is the most vocal when you perform oral sex on him. Will groan so deeply, his entire body will vibrate.

Dirty talk is this man's second language.

"Look how desperate you are for me." / "Look how desperate for you you've gotten me..."

"Do I feel good like this?"

"Am I making you feel good baby?"

"You're so good at that. Fuck, such a good girl/boy"

"S'so fuckin' tight."

"You're my little fuck thing, aren't you?"

"You're perfect."

"I love you..."

Are some of the many things you'll hear while he's fucking you.

He doesn't really have a favourite position. He'll gladly take you anyway he can. If he's in a rough mood, he'll bend you over the sofa, take you up against the wall... But if he's feeling more soft he'll make slow, passionate love to you for hours.

He does have a strong soft side at times.

Dominic Dominant. He loves seeing you totally at his mercy, the power over you the most arousing thing in the world to him.

Big daddy dilf vibes. He knows what he’s doing and he’s fucking good at it too.

The only time he’ll sub is if he wants to be lazy - letting you ride him and use him to your heart’s content.

Dirty talk. It can get pretty degrading at times. If you’re not into that, he respects that boundary.

Will absolutely ruin you.

Low-key loves it when you claw his back in hysteria. He thrives knowing he can send you absolutely insane, and he can just heal the claw marks in a matter of seconds. Sometimes even during sex (which is the hottest thing ever)

In an AU modern, he would love to fuck you near a large mirror or record you both getting at it to watch at a later date.

A lot of hissing, humming and low groaning, especially when he’s close to unloading.

Likes to watch you masturbate, putting his head close and observing intently. Loses his shit if you moan his name while doing so.

Hair pulling is his overload language. Will tug fistfuls when he gets too turned on.

[ B4 ]

Kinks:

The risk of getting caught. He likes having risky sex in semi public locations. Makes a game of how loud he can get you to moan, knowing someone would probably hear you.

Light Degradation. When he’s in a rough mood, he doesn’t mind calling you a few names. Nothing too extreme. And if it’s not your thing, he’ll respect that boundary.

Loves a good ol’ 69. Having you on his face with your ass in view is just… *Chef’s kiss*

Speaking of ass, he loves to bend you over too, allowing himself in nice and deep with a great view and something Juicy to grab.

[ B5 ]

Aftercare:

Aftercare with Eren isn’t anything special unfortunately. He’s another who gets sleepy after sex.

Won’t ignore you though. Often lazy pillow talk is on the cards and telling you how much you mean to him and how beautiful you are.

Will run his fingers across your scalp to soothe you.

Also will kiss any bite marks or finger bruises he’s left behind and ask if you’re okay.

Relationship with loved ones & becoming serious

[ C1 ]

Friends & Family:

When Eren meet's your friends family he will be polite yet quiet. He wants them to like him but he won't pine for their approval. If they like him, awesome. If they don't...? No big deal.

Same goes with your friends. He'll stay quiet until spoken to at first, but once he's been eased into conversation, he'll flow with it a lot easier.

Again, he'll be polite but don't expect him to kiss ass, because he certainly wont.

[ C2 ]

Marriage:

You couldn’t actually believe Eren had proposed. Although he was down on one knee in front of your very eyes, your mind just wasn’t accepting it. Folks and onlookers watched with bated breath, awaiting your answer. He sure kept this surprise hidden well…

Of course, you said yes and he picked you up by your waist in a spin, colliding his lips to yours.

And now here he was, watching you walk down the aisle, a lump in his throat and his heart racing.

You looked gorgeous, like something from a fairy tale.

And of course, he looked as handsome as ever. His suit was smart and his hair was up in its usual bun.

Armin is his best man, of course; who is standing and beaming with pride.

Eren holds back his chokes and tears as he reads his vows;

“Y/N… From the first time I ever laid eyes on you, all those years ago, I knew you would be in my life forever. Back then, I didn’t think it would be as my wife, but God I am so glad it is. I’m sorry for my stubbornness and irrational behaviour when we were young. But despite that you still loved, and stood by me and for that I’ll be eternally grateful. I vow to always stand beside you, whatever the world throws at us. I vow to hold you when you need support. I vow to remember how you always had my back no matter what. And I vow to always love you, with my heart and soul, until the day I die and after.”

The room erupts in cheers and tears when you seal your kiss.

The reception is wild.

Everyone is drunk (except Levi) and dancing. Reiner and Connie are dancing like weirdos, Reiner's blazer removed and at one point Connie is on his shoulders.

Sasha has too much to drink and is spewing in the bathroom.

Mikasa can’t stop crying with happiness and pride.

He carries you to your room afterwards where you spend all night sealing a special bond that will never be broken.

[ C3 ]

Children:

Eren has a soft spot for children, believe it or not. As seen before the expedition to the forest of giant trees. He sees his old self behind the innocent glint of unaltered admiration within a child's eyes.

He's not super into child play though. He wont pull weird voices or funny faces. He'll sit at their level and speak to them like they were anyone else. Obviously, watching what he says around them.

If they're unchecked and acting themselves, he'll become quickly annoyed as they wreck havoc around him and will have to leave the room or he'll get too agitated.

If his s/o discovers they're pregnant he'll seem to take it well. But inside he's falling apart and freaking out. He won't ever show it to them, but he doesn't know how he could be a father. Would he be like his own? Would he be able to be a good figure to look up to? What if he fails? Is it selfish to bring a child into this cruel world?

He'll be shocked but understandably so. After after a couple of weeks of self-reflection and brooding, he'll start to feel better about the whole thing.

More protective over his s/o than usual. Will make sure they're eating, drinking, resting and god help you if he finds you doing something you shouldn't such as trying to lift something heavy.

Will hold your hair and rub you back, as well as bring you water while you're having your morning sickness.

"Babe? It's four in the afternoon. How come you're still sick?"

"Eren, it's called morning sickness but it can happen any time."

He'll click his tongue. "....That's a dumb name, then."

The first time he feels the baby kick within you, his heart absolutely melts. His eyes enlarge and you could swear you saw them soften with that spark behind his emerald greens he had when you were younger.

His large palm is warm against your stomach as he feels around, the little flutter of your child hitting against his skin making him flinch in surprise at first.

"Woah..." He'll gasp in amazement. "They're already so strong. Hey, y/n? Doesn't that hurt?"

"Sometimes." You'll laugh softly.

He'll gingerly place his face to your skin, a little embarrassed he's doing this; but he feels the need. "...Don't hurt your mom, okay?"

As your pregnancy progresses and you get larger, he will not leave your side. If he has to, he'll be worrying and you'll be occupying his mind. In a modern au, he'll constantly call and text and will get Mikasa or Armin to check in on you often.

Will be so gentle during love making. He's terrified he'll hurt the baby.

One of the only times you've seen Eren panic in his adult life is when your waters break.

You'd gotten up in the middle of the night to pee. Climbed back into bed and felt a strange pressure, followed by a pop. Then a warm gushing sensation. You wait a few seconds to settle your own panic before you nudge Eren awake.

"Eren..."

He'll bolt up, confused. "What? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?"

"Eren, my waters have broken."

"Shit. Okay. Shit. What do we do? Shit." He'll leap out of bed and throw the lights on. You get to your feet where more water will start to drop onto the floor. "Shit, shit. I'll get the bag. Do you need help getting dressed? Okay, where's my jacket? WHERE'S MY JACKET?!"

"Eren, honey I need to you calm down."

"Okay, sorry. I'm calm. Shit. Shit..."

Will hold your hand with a worried look the entire time you're in labour. Has water and snacks on hand.

Will watch in amazement as your child is pushed into the world. This magical moment changes something in him, but right now he's not sure what that is.

They will bond immediately. As soon as he holds your son/daughter he can't take his wide gaze off them.

They're inseparable.

Any doubts of being a bad father is washed away as he takes them under his wing and teaches them about the world.

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ F*CKING HIGH ❜

with Neron ‘Creeper’ Vargas.

Request: Hey! Maybe prompt 52. When Creeper get shot and Mayans don't know reader but when hé was high on medication he call her at Vicky's House ? 🙈Something really Fluff ? Thanks!! I love ur writings 😊😊

BY ANON

Warnings: none.

Word count: 1.6k

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: to the author, I found it on Google.

Masterlist.

The books over the table with a lot of notes scattered around them are starting to give you a horrible headache. You don't know how many hours you have been studying, but you're sure that it was daytime. When you focus your gaze on the horizon, through the window, you're aware of the streetlights turned on outside and the dark sky above Santo Padre. It's your final week to complete the MIR and you have left just one exam. The last one. So, when Creeper told you he was going to travel to Las Vegas for a couple days, you have to recognize that you felt a little alleviated. You want to spend the maximum time possible with him, but you also have to study, but both things aren't compatible. Even so, he should be at home already.

Checking the time on the clock in your wrist, you snort getting up from your chair to pick up the books and your pens. It's enough study for today and you're really hungry. After cleaning the table, you fall down on the sofa turning on the TV and looking in your phone for something to take away. Cooking it's not an option today. Choosing the local pizzeria for excellence, you're about to make the order when an incoming call interrupts your plans. Reading his name on the screen, you answer quickly.

“Babe!”

“Maaaaamaaaa”. He sings, making you frown somewhat confused sitting on the sofa. “Heeeeey, maaaamaaaa”.

“Are you… high, Neron?”

“Yeah… Fuckin' high… for you, my loooove”.

“What the hell? Where the fuck are you?”

“Mama, I want you here. I need you here, maaaama!”

“Ner—”.

“I am… close”.

“Close from what?”

“Border, mama. Close to the border. Come with meeee. I need my nurse, mama, pleaaase”.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Your heart is racing, jumping off from the sofa, running to your shared room.

“A guy shot me, mama. But don' worre', I'm okaaaay”.

“Neron, send me your location right now!”

“Mama, mama, mama, are you comen'?”

“FUCK, NERON, OF COURSE I'M COMING. SEND ME THE FUCKING LOCATION”.

“Don'... Don' shout at me, mama”.

From nowhere, you can hear him crying like a child. Even if he's high, that shit breaks your heart into pieces. Stopping next to your bed rubbing your forehead, barely gulping, you try to calm yourself.

“Are you alone?”

“N—No…”

“The bul—”.

“It's out, mama… I wan—want you here with me. I'm okay, mama, I'm okay… Come with me. Don'... leave me, don' break with me, mama, please”.

“Send me your location, okay? Could you do that for me?”

“Yeah, mama… Are you comen'?”

“Sí, Neron, I'm gonna get dressed, okay?”

“Okay, mama… I love you. I love you, mama. I truly love you, I swear”.

“I know, mi flaquito”.

Hanging up the call, you take some second to breathe calmly before looking for some clothes to put on and grabbing the medical kit when you're ready. They better have something to eat, or there will be more than one man shot. Leaving your house, your phone rings with a notification. The address of Vicki's house. You have heard about it, and you're not surprised at all. According to your boyfriend, this is the favorite place of Mayans. You don't know them, not yet, but you can imagine why they like it this much. Keeping the kit on the back seat, you step in your car turning the engine to follow the instructions recited by the gps.

When it says that you have reached your destiny, you focus through the Camaro's front window to find the house, looking exactly as he described you one day. Going out of the pilot seat and carrying the medical stuff in your right hand, you go upstairs practically jumping them to hit the door with your palm. A girl with brown hair, big eyes and almost naked welcomes you, pushing her by a side before she can talk.

“Hey, hey! Wait! You ca—”.

Coming into the living room, you finally meet his other family. They were drinking and laughing until you appeared, now staring at you confused. The one who you recognize as El Presidente gets up from his chair, the other two are pointing at you with their guns, warned by the bitch behind you.

“I'm from Tijuana, you can't scare me con una pistolita”. (With a gun). You spit with a strong mexican accent, containing a sarcastic laugh.

“Who are y—”.

“MAAAMI, MAAAAMIIIIIIII”.

Hearing your boyfriend calling you, you don't give them a single chance to let you introduce yourself, running upstairs following the laments of Creeper between moans and pleased begs. Disgusting. Opening the last green red door, you finally reach him. The medical kit falls from your hand shocked. Taking a step, you tour his silhouette lying on the mattress. Being shirtless you can see the bandage covering the bullet hole, with some blood trespassing the cotton, and the sling holding the other. His face isn't much better, with some scratches on his left cheek and his temple. The most disturbing is watching him crying like a scared child, trembling and trying to sit up on the bed.

Before the other mexicans can reach you, you're already kneeling on the bed not knowing where you're allowed to touch him and where not.

“Mami, I missed you”.

“You're an idiot, you know it, rai'?” You ask him with your eyes filled with tears, gently caressing the other cheek, while he nods.

Leaning forward you kiss his shaky lips once and again, before feeling his right arm surrounding your waist.

“Let me see the shot, okay?” Whispering, you get up from the bed to take the medical kit, under the look of the men waiting on the door.

“The doctor put it out, disinfected the wound and stitched it up”. El Presidente says, making you frown your eyebrows.

“The doctor, or the vet?”

“Wha—”.

“Answer before I fucking punch you”.

“The vet”.

Of course, it's not the same. Even the medicines that give you in the MIR are stronger than the ones for a veterinarian. Opening the kit over the bed and wearing a pair of blue gloves, you lean on Creeper to take off the bandage and the gauze, narrowing your eyes to see every stitch on it. It's… acceptable, but you could have done it better. Wetting some cotton with iodine, you clean the blood around the suture with soft moves to not hurt him more. Your boyfriend is assorted on how concentrate you look taking care of him.

“Do you know what you are doing, niña?” The oldest one rests his body against the frame.

“'Amma real doctor, not a veterinarian”. You respond without turning at him, but at your kit to find clean gauzes and an adhesive bandage to cover the sewn hole again. “What happened with the other, Neron?”

“Dislocated”. He just says gulping with parted lips.

“What did they gave you for the pain?”

“Just some pills, mami…”

“How many hours ago?”

“Almost ten”. El Presidente replies in his place, making you twist towards him.

“Okay, Creep', I'm going to prick you some morphine”. He just nods.

Grabbing a needle wrapped on a security plastic, you open it to fill it up with the transparent liquid from a small glass bottle. Hitting it softly with two fingers and letting some of the medicine spill on air, you lead the needle to his bare skin over the wound. Nailing it slowly until the metallic part has disappeared inside it. Then, you push the plastic container until empty. Taking off the needle and keeping it again inside its paper, to throw it later, you close the medical kit.

“You need to rest, okay?”

“Mami, stay with me, please… Don' go”. He begs you crying low and holding your hand as strong as he can.

“You need to rest”. You repeat raising both eyebrows and nodding with your chin one time, caressing his grip with your fingers. “I will talk with your friends for a moment. Ain't going anywhere, mi flaquito. Not without you”.

“I love you, mama. I really do”.

“I love you too, Creep'”. Smirking at your boyfriend, you kiss him again having a little more of caring to not hurt him. “Sleep, flaquito”.

Placing the medical kit over a desk, you leave him closing the door, killing with your eyes the men in front of you.

“I'm hungry, so you better find me some dinner”.

“First, tell us who you are, because he's high enough to confuse himself and believe that he's the fucking Messiah”.

“I'm his girlfriend, pendejo. And you're gonna be a dead man if you don't bring me my fucking dinner”.

El Presidente chuckles rubbing his chin, before nodding, seeing you disappear through the opened door again. Coming back to the bed, you can notice that your boyfriend isn't crying anymore, smiling like an idiot. Sighing you lie down by his side, wrapping his body with both arms, letting him find a comfortable posture under them. You can feel his lips kissing your right forearm somewhat sleepy, purring like a cat. Definitely, he's too high.

“Mami, I love you…” He whispers when you begin to caress his neck with your fingertips. “You are the love of my life…”

“Yeah, you already said it… like a lot of times”. You laugh softly, turning towards you with a soft grimace of pain on his face.

“Love you it's my favorite thing”. He mumbles stunned because of the smile on your lips.

“Mine too, babe. I love you more than anything”.

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[chaos-in-bright-pink-hair-dye]

The stars still shine as bright

So, @ordinary-dust happy fucking birthday! Since I can't give you a gift irl I wanted to at least write or draw something for you and well why not both actually. I love you and here have this Kobrastar so that you don't have to create all the content for this ship yourself as you said XD

It isn't easy to be brought back into a world that is nothing like the one you left twelve years ago but in the end it doesn't seem as hopeless when you have your partner by your side.

wordcount: 1358

warnings: death mention

Kobra wiped his hands to get rid of the grease and dust, there was something wrong with 27 and he, for the love of the Witch, couldn’t figure out what. He checked and took apart everything at least twice looking for broken gearing, corroded parts, exchanged all the belts and hoses and just couldn’t find what’s bothering his bike so much. Everything seemed in perfect condition yet she always whined and growled in a way that made Kobra’s soul ache when he tried starting her and his inability to fix it was driving him crazy.

The twelve years of standing under a sheet, getting dusted on, uncared for, becoming another ghost of the past really took a toll on her, it was wonder no one stole her, actually. He could probably thank Cherri or Dr. D for that, he was a legend in the zones of course, but when you’re a killjoy there’s no respect for your things after you die, someone needs them more and there’s no arguing with that so no matter how great The Fabulous Killjoys were none of their stuff would be left if it wasn’t for the radio crew.

It was weird to wake up into a world without them, Kobra knew them since his first day in the zones, he couldn’t imagine the desert without Dr Death’s broadcast blasting from the radio on long rides, without Cherri stopping by to brag about another clap he barely made it out of alive or without Newsie’s familiar laugh on the waves. But it’d been three months and they were really gone. And so was BL/Ind. It didn’t feel right, it was all they fought for, all they died for but it just didn’t feel right. The Girl did defeat them and now that there was no revolution, there was no need for four mismatched teens who knew nothing than running on gasoline and gunpowder, there was no place for them anymore, they were out of their time, imprints of the past somehow brought back, lost and trying to find their place in the world they didn’t know and that didn’t need them. They couldn’t go back to their old lives, there were no old lives to go back to after all, but they couldn’t go back to the city either, they simply didn’t belong.

‘Hey, Speed, want some help? Can’t stand the wailing anymore’ familiar cheerful voice from behind Kobra’s back jerked him out of his thoughts. How long has he been staring into nothingness? He quickly glanced around, the ground was still covered in spare parts, misplaced pieces of metal and plastic and screws, and he was still holding the cloth covered in motor oil, now more brown and grey than white, one tear rolling down his cheek, he quickly wiped it of before turning to Jet smirking in the way that earned him his reputation and name, teeth bared and every word dripping with venom that wasn’t really meant: ‘Thought ya were outside helping Party and Ghoul with the car, needs care too. And knowin’ Ghoulie it could be putting a bomb under the hood and not that I wouldn’t like bein’ dead but few more days’d be nice.’ but he knew Jet noticed the movement of his hand, the slight tremble in his voice, he always did.

‘Can’t take a break to visit my favourite crewmate?’ Jet rolled his eyes leaning on the doorframe ‘Plus Party and Ghoul were throwing hands over some fuckin’ bullshit as usual when I left so ‘s your brother I’d be worried about.’ the older killjoy laughed. His laugh died away turning into a warm smile as his eyes got caught on something on Kobra’s chest. Kobra loved Jet’s smiles, he didn’t smile often, at least not when anyone could see him but on the rare occasions when he did Kobra could swear the desert sun didn’t feel so bright in comparison anymore.

‘You really never go anywhere without it huh?’ Jet uttered with amazement as he walked slowly to the younger killjoys still not lifting his gaze from the small ring of gold hanging from Kobra’s neck on an old beat-up chain, the metal shining bright in the dim lighting of the room. ‘I know how much it means to you. And... it means a lot to me.’ Kobra whispered softly wrapping his own hand around Jet’s, he could feel the heat radiating from his skin, Kobra’s hands were always cold but but Jet’s burned with the warmth of thousand stars and Kobra would like to pretend it was the only reason he like being close to Jet so much but everyone knew it wasn’t true.

‘Zone rats like us might not really praise these but it was your mother’s and… and I appreciate this so much yk.’ He smiled at Jet who finally looked up and back at him, sometimes Kobra forgot how beautiful Jet Star really was. He might be covered in sand and dust, infinite scars covering every part of his body, his bright blue and purple hair not really so vibrant anymore and his eyes clouded with worries and stress even tho he tried to bury them deep underneath loud laughs and ironic remarks but again and again Kobra realized he’d never seen anyone more beautiful than the boy standing in front of him, every little imperfection making him love him even more.

‘Maybe I wasn’ talkin’ about 27 before, Kobes.... You’re not really yourself, I can see it.’ Jet whispered laying his hand gently on Kobra’s cheek, worries visibly reflecting on his face. 'None of us is okay, Star.’ Kobra snickered as he wrapped his arms around the older boy’s shoulders pulling him closer. He missed hugging Jet, he missed his smell, he missed the strength he hugged him back with that made him feel so safe.

‘Is true.’ Jet had to admit, none of them really felt like themselves but how could that be of any surprise. How could you feel completely okay waking up after over a decade of being dead. ‘Doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun, hm. Just the two of us. Party and Ghoul will find a way to entertain themselves and maybe if we’re lucky they won’t even burn the whole place down.’ Jet laughed winking at Kobra, bright blue curls falling into his eyes before he left a butterfly like kiss on the side of his neck. 'Heard there’s a party in The Nest tonite, how about we take the AM. Haven’t seen ya wear that pretty red dress in a while’ this time Kobra was the one to kiss Jet on the corner of his mouth smiling as he saw the bright blush on his cheeks covered in freckles. He always thought it looked like the night sky somehow found its way onto his pretty face and wondered how his name matched him so perfectly in so many ways.

‘Sounds nice, Shiny’ he kissed his partner again before sliding his ring from the necklace and back onto his finger where it belonged. They did have their beads to prove their pledge but he always liked the way their rings were special and he never took his off unless there was a high chance, he could lose it and even in that case he still kept it close to him tucked safely underneath his t-shirt.

‘Okay, by the car in fifteen. Gotta get those two boogies of our tails’ Jet winked and Kobra before quickly disappearing into the dark hallway and Kobra had to smile. He had to smile ‘cause he loved the boy so damn much and Destroya fuck it now he really had to go find the red dress. He had to smile ‘cause he knew Jet would look beautiful in the fifteen minutes they agreed on casually leaning on the white car he praised so much with glitter in his hair, his eyes shining in the setting sun and smiling in such a way that everything around would seem to disappear. And everything could be fucked but it didn’t really matter when he had Jet Star by his side again.

ID: Digital drawing of Kobra Kid and Jet Star slow dancing and lovingly smiling at each other. Kobra has his right arm on Jet's shoulder and his left hand in his hair and Jet is holding Kobra by his waist, Jet is a little bit taller than Kobra and their noses are only few centimetres away from each other. Kobra Kid is wearing red dress and has two little black stars painted on his cheekbone. Jet Star is wearing a black crop-top and his curly hair is black at the top turning purple and blue the longer it gets, he also has glitters on his nose, cheeks and in his hair. The background is a gradient going from yellow in the middle of the image through purple to black at the edges, the yellow functioning as a backlighting giving Kobra and Jet warm yellow rim lighting. There are little white blurred lights all across the scene. /End ID

[astarab1aze]

🩵 lounie tunesssss

muse relationship headcanon game

who curses more?

well, as far as i know, they both cuss a lot, but loux's gotta take the cake on this one. sometimes, every other word out of his mouth, literally, is fuck or some variation of, and he says shit like it's going out of style. like that one song by blink-182? that's ya boi, poppin' off at the mouth.

who is more patient?

i feel like.......loux....loux is more patient than loni. no no, i think about it, and how this man is willing to wait FORTY YEARS to be with her. forty years, turbo. forty. he waits. that is the longest any of my muses have ever waited for anyone or really even anything (hydre doesn't count >:/). he is a man determination, commitment, and sheer fuckin' will--

who does the driving?

loni 100%. loux can't drive and she shouldn't let him....ever.

who is louder? who is quieter?

i think they're about matched. they both can be quiet, both can be loud, and it seems to pan out at about a 50/50 imo. they just shake hands and dance to dirty r&b songs on this point, and i love that for them.

who is more physically affectionate?

this seems to be another both of them thing, but i'd still venture to say loux far surpasses her in this respect. he's always got his hands on her in some way, always kissing on her, holding her, just - touching her constantly, maybe even to the point of it being annoying. that's his wife, she can live with being wanted and desired 24/7 🙄

who is more likely to tease the other?

i think they're equally likely to tease each other, one more...flagrantly sexually than the other, but-- boffum, m8. you know as well as i do how bad they can get too uwu

who is better with time management?

both of them are good about it, empirically. loux has the benefit of fancy magical tools that can sort of bend time and space for him to get anywhere at a moment's notice, so he's maybe just faster, but i'd think it's pretty fair to say they manage their time well. i don't see either one of them being late on anything, literally ever. and in the offchance they are late to something, it's because loux got a little too handsy lbr

who wins the arm wrestling matches?

loni, hands down. not because loux lets her win, not because he's weak, because never. mans is too competitive to just let anyone do anything skjdfhs but genuinely i do think loni beats him out here, cos he's not as muscular as she is and he's a good sportsman. without all his magic, using only his physical strength - loses to his wife, who is stronger than him.

who controls the music in the car ride?

loux and loni share music, so it doesn't matter. i fully headcanon this.

who covers dinner when they order in?

loni would insist, i'm sure of it, and loux would fight her on it. he will absolutely not let her pay for dinner. he is so determined to be a provider and a protector in his own way, he just - will not. he already paid, in fact, with cash because they used his phone to order. i am telling you, turbo. they're just gonna have to fight over this until they're old godly bitties in the sky. not sorry uwu

who is more outgoing? who is more shy?

loux is the most outgoing. he's an idiot, but he's truly a social butterfly, life of the party, fratboy ringleader, class clown type of guy. loni's the shier one, of the two, for sure. i think? that sounds right to me. loux's here to do backflips and steal the show (which includes taking all the heat, too)

who has the more outlandish fashion sense?

loux. i have an entire pinterest board to prove it...! you cannot tell me loni has anything in her closet that could top loux's >:U

who starts the tickle fights? who ends them?

HMMMM loux, then loni. but then also loni, then loux.

who has the darker/more "edgy" sense of humor?

loux, hands down. i don't think i need to elaborate here ksjdfhsd but i do think he'd make a few jokes that'd piss loni off or disgust her.

who is more competitive when it comes to games?

i think it's a toss-up here, although i don't really imagine them playing video games together. maybe some ddr at the local arcade on a date or two? otherwise the 'games' they're playing are probably in the bedroom--

who has the bigger appetite? the bigger sweet tooth?

i'm...admittedly not sure. loux eats and could put away a mountain of food, but i don't think his appetite is really all there. he loves to cook though, so he ends up eating somewhat regularly anyway, but he has a generally low appetite, i think. oh but he loves sweets. loves sweets. and is more than happy to share with loni.

who is more likely to get in a confrontation in public?

i'm calling it 50/50 here because loux'll throw down with anybody over nothing and loni is a tough cookie who don' take no shit. 1+1=2 for me, mhmm.

who hosts the parties/hangouts? who organizes them?

loux doesn't party as much as anyone thinks. he just shows up, sells the goods, does a little, and nopes out. hangouts are different - he is literally up her ass right now begging for a date tomorrow lbr. loux. but also loni does too... loux is just insane about her so naturally--

who is better at cooking? do they ever cook for each other?

loni is not allowed in his kitchen except to sit there and look pretty and taste what he makes. she will find a way to burn water and mans can't have his etoufee fucked up. he loves her, of course, but girl do not even think about filling a pot with water. loux's a perfectionist, unfortunately, when it comes to food and he can be such a brat about it too.

who is more likely to engage in dangerous and/or illegal behavior?

they both are, but loux moreso, i think. i mean, he's got a rap sheet a mile long. :I from public indecency to capital murder and just about everything in between. he loves breaking the law, and killing people, and hustling, and committing fraud, tax evasion, theft, torture, more murder, arson... okay, i shouldn't say he loves it because he doesn't actually, but it is all very fun for him.

who is more likely to notice when something is wrong with the other?

thaaaat really depends. they're both very sensitive to each other in their own ways, be it emotionally or sensorily. like loux would notice right away if something physical was wrong with loni, and he's usually pretty good about the emotional stuff even if he is a little unconventional or A Lot about it. i think loni would be able to tell right away if something was wrong with loux physically, but maybe not emotionally since he locks his shit all the way down and it's usually hard to tell how he's actually feeling without him physically expressing it. um, something like that?

who does the talking in public settings (i.e. to the waiter at a restaurant)?

i feel like they'd take turns. loux getting to be a gentleman sometimes, loni getting to be the proverbial 'daddy' other times. they defend each other, they speech together, they sing together, they yell at people together, literally prove me wrONG TURBO

who is more likely to extend a helping hand & provide emotional support?

uh, emotional support? maybe loni. loux will probably default to physical stuff and small conversation before he approaches the meat. it's just how he is. this could change over time to be more even between the two, though.

who is the bigger prankster? do they get the last laugh or do they suffer for it?

loux, and he gets the last laugh. he also suffers dearly for it. marriage :sparkles: uwu

[thefanfichotspot]

six

I knocked impatiently on Jermaine’s door, and I couldn't help but check over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't followed. I didn't have time to wait; every second counted. I knocked again, harder, louder. I was two seconds away from calling him when his front door pulled open and he stood there with a glare.

“Your family home?”

He squinted, shook his head, and I pushed past him into his house. I gave his house a once over just to make sure no one was here, and sighed with an ounce of relief when I realized he was telling the truth. The house was silent; Jermaine had a set of twins, there was never a quiet moment around here unless they were gone. He followed me and shoved his hands into the pockets of his sweats. “Its four in the afternoon on a Sunday. What the hell has you so rattled?” He chose to sit on his leather couch while I opted to pace across the Persian rug that I knew he didn't pick out. “Trey?”

“I made a bet with Spyder,” I blurted.

I was met with silence and I wasn't sure if I preferred that, or him chewing my head off. He only stared at me, thick eyebrows knitting together. Then he laughed. It wasn't a funny laugh, it was a pitiful laugh. “Nigga you've lost your fuckin’ mind.”

I huffed out loud before he could go further. “I'm aware. Look, I don't need your lecture right now. I need your help. I think they're gonna go after Cam.”

This twisted his face from a taunting grin, to a more serious, cautious frown. “What? Where is she?” He stood, tugged his slender fingers through his hair. “Fuck, how short are you?”

“Thirty grand.”

His shoulders slumped. “Mel would have my ass if she noticed that much missing from our account. You can't ask your brother?”

I shook my head bitterly. “None of my family knows about what I do. I can't… shit I can't go to him. I can't bring them into this.”

“Damn,” was all he said, but it spoke volumes. Jermaine and I had been the best of friends for nearly a decade, and I knew when I ached he ached right along with me. I knew deep down he wanted to help me, and he would if he could. “How much time is left?”

“Less than forty-eight hours.”

He ran a hand down his beard, avoiding my gaze purposely. But when we met eyes again, I heard the gears turning in his head. “I'll get her and your mom outta town. We’ll go on vacation and -”

“No.”

“- maybe we’ll go to Florida or some shit. I mean, Cam can't fly so I'll get my family and we'll all go down to -”

“J!” I shouted at him, and he snapped his mouth shut. “I can't let you get involved. You have two kids… and a wife. They'll murder your ass without a second thought.” I walked past him to the front window and peeled back the curtain a little to look at the street outside; I wanted to see if I was followed. “I came here to say goodbye, I guess.”

Jermaine scoffed. “Quit with that bullshit. You ain't goin’ nowhere. Go to the spot tonight and do some bets, I'm sure you'll pull the cash.”

“I can't show my face there.” I smoothed my palm down my face and huffed. “Look, I'm gonna go. I'm almost afraid to use my phone, but if you don't hear from me then you know…”

He nodded without a word, and I headed for the door. Our silence spoke all the words we didn't know to say.

On my way home, I tried calling Cam. The first couple times, she didn't answer. So at a red light, I texted her. After a second thought, I changed lanes to head to her house, my gut wrenching with fear. Cam always answered my texts and calls, even when she was pissed with me. This was out of character for her, and I knew she wasn't sleeping. Cam never slept this late in the day, pregnant or not.

There wasn't any cars in the driveway, aside from hers. The butterflies in my belly didn't go anywhere, though. Something was off, I knew that for a fact.

I left my car running and grabbed my phone before I exited my car, and tried my hardest to keep my breathing calm and steady. Hundreds of different scenarios played out in the forefront of my mind, which wasn't helping my breathing whatsoever. I knocked once, twice, and no answer.

“Cam? Baby girl, open up. It's me.” I banged my fist a few times and was met with silence. “Cameron!”

“Trey!” she called out effortlessly, and I grinned widely through the door. “Come in, baby.” Hearing her voice was like music to my ears, and I wasted no time in bursting through the door, ready to pull her into my arms. I met eyes with her and tilted my head in surprise; she was on the floor, on her knees, and her eyes were wide and alert. And wet. Cam was crying. I was going to rush over to her, but she barely shook her head at me. “Trey, don’t.”

There seemed to be only the two of us in her house, but the eerily quiet - aside from her sniffles - told me otherwise. Her body was frozen in place, like if she moved she would shatter into a million places. Her eyes were locked onto me; she was trying to tell me something without blurting it. I tilted my head. “Cam?”

She shook her head, gripped her belly protectively.

“Cam, what’s wrong?” I took a step forward, and was met with a strong fist to my jaw. I staggered sideways just as Cam cried out for me, and man appeared from around the corner. They were both dressed in black, from what I could see through my blurred vision. The room spun around as I tried to get my bearings. “Leave her alone!”

He had a gun to her head and I lunged for him, until my knees were kicked from underneath me and I was kneeling right in front of Cameron. She was sobbing now, gripping her belly more protectively.

“Where’s his money, Trigga?” one of them demanded, and I felt the barrel of a gun at the back of my head. “Boss’ gettin’ kinda impatient.”

“I still have time.”

He pounded his fist into my face again, Cam screamed. “I didn’t ask you to speak!”

I spit a wad of blood onto Cam’s floor, held my hands up to surrender. “I’ll have his money, I swear. I just need a little more time.”

“Boss gave you plenty of time. Three days sounds like enough time, whatchu think?”

The two of them laughed out loud, and Cameron flinched. I could only watch her, at a loss of words. What would be the point in speaking to her? My words would mean nothing to her at this point. Whatever the two of us had had ended the second they discovered her existence. I regretted everything I'd ever involved myself with when it came to gambling. But how could I be mad? I knew exactly what I was getting myself into; I knew the risks and the consequences.

I just never thought it would happen to me.

“Trey,” she whimpered tightly. “I-I've been having contractions...”

“What?” My face fell and I stared at her. “What?” I repeated desperately. “Cam…” I lunged for her - I didn't care what would happen to me. I needed to get her to safety, I needed to get them to safety. Anything else could wait. The guy behind me weaseled his hand around my throat and pulled me back, but I continued to struggle. “Get her to a hospital!”

The other man was about to punch her but he froze in his place, fist revved and ready, to look at me nervously. “Whatchu mean?”

“S-She's pregnant, idiot! She's in labor!” At this point, I didn't give two fucks if she was lying or not. This is what we needed, a distraction. Now, I knew that my time to get Spyder his money wouldn't pause just because their collateral was busy, but I'd take whatever I could get. Every second counted.

“Shit!” one of them said as he scratched his head with his firearm. He looked at the other one for help. “What do we do? Boss is gonna -”

As if he said some kind of magic word, the other one nodded. “Take her to Boss.”

“What?” I shouted.

“Trey!” Her voice was desperate and pleading as one of them gripped her forearm and yanked her up. Her lap was wet as if she had peed herself, but I knew better. “Trey, help me!”

Her water broke. Our baby was on her way.

Cam was being dragged away before my very eyes, and my guard had a firm grip on my arm. No amount of fighting would have helped me. I didn't know where they were really taking her - if they were even taking her to Spyder like they said. For all I knew, they could have been taking her to some alley to get the baby and let her bleed to death. And I would have no idea what alley it would be.

My heart was shattering. Her cries were deafening, she was afraid. Terrified. But she needed me. Despite everything I had caused, she wanted me to be with her. She wanted me there as she gave birth to my baby. She wanted me to tell her things would be okay, that our baby would be healthy and happy.

She wanted me, needed me, and I had failed her.

“You have to let me go with her,” I begged. “Please, I'll do anything.”

“Don't worry,” he replied coolly, and he stepped towards me. “You'll meet her there.”

/.\

Cam. I needed to get to Cam.

“Sir, can you hear me?”

My daughter, they needed me.

“Mr. Neverson, do you know where you are?”

I blinked, stared up at the ceiling. I could almost hear her cries all over again.

“You're at the hospital.” He rattled off my list of injuries that I didn't care about. “Do you think you can tell me what happened to you?”

I didn't care. Nothing mattered anymore. I had no baby, my family was probably their next target. After that, it would be Jermaine and his children.

A small, but bright light shined into my eye and I growled out.

I wondered if it was a peaceful death, what Cam’s last words were as she breathed her last dose of air. If she called my name, or her mom’s. Maybe our daughter’s. Or maybe she gave birth to our little girl and watched her die in her arms, and that alone caused her death.

Death by heartbreak; that's gotta be the worst way to go.

“Is there anyone I can call for you?”

“Jermaine,” I croaked. “I need Jermaine. My phone… where's my phone?”

I attempted to sit up so I could feel around the pockets of my jeans only to find out that I wasn't wearing any jeans. My chest was bare and I remained in my pair of boxers, underneath a thin blanket. My jeans and probably my phone and wallet rested in a chair beside the bed.

“I don't recommend you trying to move at the moment. You're badly injured.” He stuck his arm across my chest to keep me still. When I reluctantly obliged, he stepped aside and handed my phone to me. “Can you tell me what happened?”

I shook my head as I dialed Jermaine’s number. I thanked God that my newly shattered screen still worked to my touch. “I don't remember. Can I… uh, get some pain killers?”

He nodded, but he was unimpressed and I knew he would be back later to hassle me. He exited the room just as Jermaine picked up. “Yo, yo nigga I been callin’ you!”

I choked out a cry, I didn't care. “J…”

His entire tone changed. “Trey, man what's going on?”

“T-They took her. They took Cam and she… she's in labor. I don't know how long it's been but they beat the shit outta me and I'm in the hospital and I -”

“I'm on my way.”

I hadn't even noticed a nurse had entered the room with my medication: a small tray with a couple syringes. She kept her eyes down, avoided eye contact as she fixed my IV and injected the cocktail into the port. As soon as she plucked the needle, she scurried from the room and I was left to cry in peace.

Crying in peace was an oxymoron. Was crying ever peaceful?

Not even ten minutes later - I counted the minutes on my phone since it was the only thing I could do without blubbering like a baby - a knock sounded on my door. Thinking it was Jermaine, I told them to enter.

“Mr. Neverson, my name is Officer Montez and this is my partner, Officer Fulton. We'd like to ask you a couple questions if that's okay.”

And the tears started all over again.

[omglr]

patiently momming the shit out this fuckin' potential serial killer...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You both like feminism.

You: hi

Stranger: hi

Stranger: asl

You: 33 f

You: canada

You: you?

Stranger: m22 canada

Stranger: feminist?

You: yes

You: you?

Stranger: fuck no

Stranger: feminism is sexism and hatred of men, why would I support it?

You: meninist?

Stranger: not really

Stranger: just knowing the truth

You: where do you get this information from?

Stranger: online

You: ok

You: have you considered.... reading a book?

Stranger: no

Stranger: because with the ability to be anonymous online people will say the truth without fear of being outed for it.

You: interesting

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: Feminism isnt about equality, its about hatred of men and female superiority

You: ok, if you say so

Stranger: how is it now?

Stranger: not*

Stranger: women demanding a safe space free of men is seen as just fine

Stranger: a male only space is seen as "sexist"

You: uh, do you think their aren't men only space though?

Stranger: feminism cries about male dominance in politics and management positions , but when it comes to male dominance in jobs like trucking, mining, construction etc, feminists dont say a word

Stranger: there is men only, and to feminists thats seen as sexism

You: you seem a little worked up

Stranger: I mean, Boy scouts of America now allows girls in... wtf its the BOY scouts, girls want to be a scout? there is a thing called girl scouts of America too

You: yeah girl guides is a much better organization anyway

You: they also accept boys

Stranger: LMAO wow what guy would joint girl guides.

You: idk, a kid who likes camping and cookies

Stranger: I do like cookies

You: yeah, cookies are great

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: women are also entitled and selfish and think they should get stuff just because they are a woman

You: i think the word entitled gets thrown around a lot to describe people

Stranger: women expect a man to pay for the date.

You: but its mostly about folks asking for respect

Stranger: but I thought you bitches wanted "equality" oh wait...

You: like millenials are real entitled

You: for wanting jobs that pay a living wage

You: says boomers

You: who dont want to pay a living wage

Stranger: yeah

Stranger: but you NEED a living wage

You: yeah, we all need a living wage

Stranger: but women are entitled and think they deserve only the best of the best of the very best men who will do whatever she says and wants and no matter what shes always right

You: this seems like a narrow focus on what women are like

Stranger: its the truth

You: like, this is a pretty shallow stereotype that might be true for like 10% of college girls

Stranger: lol its true for all girls

Stranger: girls are shallow

You: but i guess if thats who you put on a pedestal, shallow girls

Stranger: all girls are shallow

You: mmmm, i mean, you might be misinterpreting women's intentions

Stranger: how so?

You: like if i saw you at a coffee shop and over heard you talking this conspiratorial feminist is evil game, i wouldn't be interested in you

Stranger: Im not 6'0 or taller, im not ripped af and I dont drive a BMW, your not interested in me

You: eh, again, i didn't say that

You: i'm not interested in cars or money or height

Stranger: sure

You: or muscles

Stranger: sure

Stranger: so your a lesbian?

You: but i can tell a dude is a self loathing weirdo pretty quick

You: i'm bi

Stranger: ok

You: women are easier to date

Stranger: sure

Stranger: im 22 and still a fucking virgin

You: for me anyway

You: yeah, that happens

You: some folks are late bloomers

Stranger: LMAO no, women are shallow

You: alright, well if you want to believe that that's up to you, but your world view determines your world

You: so if you can't open your heart and learn to trust women, you'll probably keep thinking worse and worse thoughts about them

Stranger: well im not good looking so...

Stranger: LMAO trust women... that is horseshit.

You: and find yourself in more situations where you can prove yourself right

Stranger: women are nothing but cheaters and liars

Stranger: let me tell you something?

You: ok

Stranger: I met a girl on here 2 yrs ago, shes down in Tennessee, we kept in contact on skype, became friends, fell for each other, admitted our feelings, fell even more for each other, hoped to meet one day, have our first times, maybe end up married and be forever. She met another guy and threw me away.

You: so, you were 20 years old and an internet girlfriend ruined your life forever?

Stranger: nope

Stranger: it just proves how unloyal and unloving women are

You: idk, that sounds kinda stupid

Stranger: plus my 3rd ex cheated after a month, not to mention other BS she did, I'll share if you wanna know,

1st and 2nd ex never even liked me

You: like, i'm being pretty patient with you here

You: this self loathing rap is pretty pathetic

Stranger: lol its hatred of women

You: yeah, its called misogyny

Stranger: and feminism is misandry

You: eh, not really

Stranger: sure

Stranger: women are hypergamous whores

You: eh, i mean, if you and i were the only people on the planet, i would say men are toxic dudes who have little self awareness and say abusive bullshit with so little life experience its kinda tragic if not a little dangerous, and that women are extremely patient and nurturing even to weirdos who don't deserve it

Stranger: sure.

Stranger: if you think im ever going to trust a woman again your insane

You: i guess it was more advice for your sadness but its up to you

Stranger: im not sad

You: eh

Stranger: I just know the bitter truth of life

You: i mean you sound angry, but its obvious where its coming from

Stranger: yeah

You: lol, what is the bitter truth of life?

Stranger: that women are nothing more than shallow unloyal unloving whores who only care about themself, love isnt real. together forever doesnt exist

You: are your parents divorced?

Stranger: never married, dont know my father

You: what's your relationship with your mom like?

Stranger: its fine

You: does she love you?

Stranger: yeah

You: is she loyal to you?

Stranger: i guess. im her only child

You: would she give you her kidney if you needed it?

Stranger: idk, shes not in great health herself tbh

You: would you give her your kidney if she needed it?

Stranger: yeah

You: well that's good

You: have you heard much about internet feedback loops and how it can hurt your self-esteem?

Stranger: yeah

You: i kinda think you should look into your online peer group and figure out if thats who you want to be?

Stranger: Im not on any forums or anything like that

You: like... behind the "women are all cheating selfish shallow whores" is like "a woman would never be loyal to or love me or find me attractive"

Stranger: that is true

You: and that says something about you that isn't true

You: that you aren't unlovable

Stranger: Im not

You: eh, you probably are, or could be

You: just maybe chill with the incel stuff

Stranger: im not. for one im not anywhere near cute. That alone keeps love away.

I have huge trust issues. A short temper,

You: have you considered seeing a therapist?

Stranger: no

You: i've been seeing therapist for like 6 years, they are pretty great

Stranger: well I dont need one

You: what about the trust issues and the short temper?

Stranger: you cant fix those.

You: yeah, that's what therapists do

Stranger: and all it takes is one asshole to come along and destroy it

You: they help you work through those things

Stranger: honestly, I rather just blow up when im man

Stranger: mad*

You: eh, again, you do you, but this is real good advice honestly

Stranger: im fine

Stranger: as for trust issues, I tried to get over it, just to be fucked over again

You: eh, yeah,

Stranger: so I will stay single

You: i have had shit come up in cycles through my life too

You: its hard

Stranger: yeah

You: anyway bud, i should go, but take care of yourself, enjoy this summer :)

Stranger: yeah, but you know whats painful

Stranger: ?

You: what?

Stranger: seeing a hot af girl at the beach in a bikini and knowing I'll never get to smash that

You: dude, just see a sex worker

Stranger: I dont wanna pay for it

Stranger: or get aids

You: eh, don't be cheap and use a condom

Stranger: I am very cheap

You: ok, well, put a fuckin tin can in your room, and everytime you think to yourself "I'm unlovable" but a dollar in it

You: or what ever mean things your brains says to you

Stranger: I've got a peanut butter jar of like $400 change in my room. just because why not

You: yeah, well $400 will get you a good looking woman

Stranger: yeah.. or it can sit here and be mine.

You: or like half an xbox

Stranger: ok

You: ok, good luck

You have disconnected.