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seriesxwriting · 2 years ago

Note

Rafe x Reader who’s Barry’s younger sister👀👀

Thank you for the request!❤️

On my mind <3

W Rafe Cameron 🩶

Series- outer banks

Warnings- cocaine od (hospital, seizure) , swearing, mentions of drugs (cocaine).

Summary- you find Rafe during a cocaine overdose and save his life. Encouraging him to admit how he really feels now that he’s been given a second chance. (Request <3)

Rafe Cameron was a regular customer of my brothers. But I knew him before Barry did. Sometimes I blame myself for his coke addiction, if he’d never met me, he’d never have met Barry. I hated the stuff never went near it and I begged Rafe to stop so many times but he was stubborn as hell.

Instead I made sure he texted me every night after a party, so I knew he was safe. Rafe agreed to that and he did stick to from then on. Apart from when I woke up this morning there was no message from him. My heart skipped a beat as I scrolled through the bundles of Instagram and Snapchat notifications.

Rafes name was not there. I’d checked three times now. My stomach grew a sick feeling inside as it twisted like someone was graphically ripping out my organs. That’s what happens when your worried about someone who’s important to you. Someone who your around all the time. And someone you’ve fallen for.

Rolling over onto my back, I texted him to inspire a reply and conformation that he was okay. Usually he was pretty quick when replying to me but five minutes past. Then ten. Then an hour. I couldn’t just sit around waiting for Rafe Cameron to text me back. Knowing him, there were probably hundreds of girls doing that, I wouldn’t be one of them.

I climbed out of my bed throwing the covers to the side and quickly changing into daytime clothes. I didn’t really care what I was wearing, that wasn’t on my mind. He was. Always was. I didn’t eat breakfast I got straight into my car and drove to my brothers trailer home to see if Rafe was with him or if he knew where Rafe was.

It wasn’t far, plus I knew where I could speed on the cut and where I couldn’t. I pulled up outside only to see that the front door was wide open. That was the first sign that everything was about to go to shit. Smoke was coming off a log fire just outside rising into the fresh morning air. Jumping out of the vehicle I raced for the door.

“Barry?” I shouted pushing the door open wider to look into his home. “You home bro?” Calling desperately out for an answer. Slowly and apprehensively, I made my way into the house. Not getting an answer was the second sign. The living room coffee table was full of bottles of beer and ash trays.

“Barry?” I called again walking through the house ignoring the disgusting state of the place. I came to his bedroom, the door was close all the way. I had a bad feeling come over me when I looked at the door. Shaking, my hand came out pushing the handel down opening the door slowly. My eyes scanned the room. Barry wasn’t in his room, he was nowhere to be seen. But Rafe was.

He was lying on the floor shaking completely out of it. “Rafe” I gasped running over to his side as quickly as I could with tears in my bright eyes. The little boy I once knew was gone, addiction had taken him over now. He’d gone too far. Rafe couldn’t move or lift his head up to look at me. I pressed my hand against his heart, his heart beat was raising.

I heard his little wheezes as he tried to gasp for breath. My heart broke. “I’m going to call an ambulance okay, your- your going to be okay rafe okay” I comforted him and my hand trembled as I tried calling the emergency services. He was unresponsive obviously but I hoped he was focusing on my voice and staying alive.

“Yo country club where you at” I heard from the other room. “BARRY” I screamed as the first tear fell down my face “y/n? What you doing h- what the fuck” Barry’s eyes widened as he entered the room seeing Rafe on the floor and me crying next to him. “Shit- your calling the ambulance?” He shouted at me pointing. “Of course I am you idiot” I cried putting it to my ear.

“What have you done” I shook my head at him “I- I have to bounce- shit- I needa get all my shit” Barry ran around his room collecting all the illegal shit he was hiding in a bag while the phone line opened for me. Everything after was a blur. The ambulance came immediately, I think mentioning that it was Rafe Cameron that needed them helped the situation a lot. Everyone knew Rafe Cameron.

His eyes started fluttering in and out of consciousness when they came. Barry had already left with every bit of evidence gone. I didn’t want to get my brother in trouble but Rafe needed me. Rafe was immediately admitted to emergency unit and they connected him up to a drip to stabilise his heart rate ensuring he wouldn’t have a heart attack.

I sat there in the hospital room with him the whole time just listen to the beeping machine and staring at his unconscious body. I’d never been more scared than in that moment.

Rafes eyes fluttered open but struggled to stay open. “Shit” I heard him mutter with a husky voice “rafe” whispering lightly feeling my heart pound against my chest. “Y/n?” He questioned squinting at me from his bed. “your okay now, your safe” “you called an ambulance?” Rafe quizzed moving his hand to his head.

“I know your going to be pissed at the choice I made but Rafe- if you had seen yourself” I shook my head unable to continue without crying. He silently looked at me next to him. “I would have done the same thing- roles reversed” he whispered gently making me feel a whole lot better. As if he’d just taken the Effie tower off my shoulders.

“Are you okay” i moved the chair a little closer to the bed to hear his quiet responses. “I feel like death” “what happed rafe” I demanded scrunching my sleeves in my hands “I dunno- there was no snow at the party so I went to your brothers afterwards- we were drinking- sniffing” Rafe looked up at the ceiling to explain the rest of the story. I think my look of disappointment was too much.

“He went out to get food when it got light- I did some more sniff I- I don’t know after that” “what is wrong with you?” I asked immediately after Rafe had finished his sentence. The boy let out a little sigh. “Why do you do this to yourself I’ve asked you- so many times to stop” I told him letting them tears fall down my face. “I know” he replied quietly. “Is this what it’s taken? Almost fucking dying- scaring the shit out of me”

My breathing became shaky as my crying turned into a full break down. My knees lifted up and my hand went to my face. “I can’t go through this again rafe I cant” I sobbed into my hands. “Y/n please don’t cry” Rafe reached his arm out to hold my wrist. “I didn’t- realise you were that worried about it all” “worried?” I asked looking up him “I was terrified Rafe, I won’t lose you to something this stupid I won’t”

“You haven’t- im not going anywhere I’m done” he told me seriously, he took my hand when I stopped moving to concentrate on his words. “You mean It? Because I don’t wanna hear it if you won’t” “No I mean it- I’ll stop it all for you” the boy shook his brunette head against the hospital pillow. “What do you mean for me” “seeing you upset it’s worse than my od to me okay, I would do anything to take it back so you did have to see that”

“You say that like it’s a normal thing Rafe- do you not realise yourself how serious it is?” “I’ll stop” he repeated looking me dead in the eyes “okay” I nodded subtly as my tears slowly came to a stop. I wiped my wet cheeks dry so i could carry on the conversation. “I think- I need to tell you something” he told me shuffling closer and trying to roll onto his side. The boy winced out in pain before breathing calmly.

“You gave me a second chance- you saved my life and it’s time I’m honest with you”. I stared back at the boy tightening my grip on his hand curious to know what it was. “I think I lived so could tell you this- the thought of dying without you knowing is- torcher” “you know what’s torcher rafe? You dragging this out making me worried as fuck” I let out a nervous laugh making him smile small.

“I will stop for you because I’m so fucking in love with you y/n” Rafe told me slightly reserved, he was being vulnerable with me and I loved it. But it scared me too. He just poured his heart out to me. Rafe Cameron is in love with me. With me? “Y/n Im Gonna need you to say something here to save us both the overthinking” Rafe smirked at me as my lips parted to speak.

“I am same- I am- also- your always on my mind I - I’m in love with you too” I stuttered trying to get the right wording exactly. His eye brows twitched together. “I don’t know if I was expecting that or not” “I wasn’t” I answered really quickly. We both looked at each other before laughing, Rafe brought my hand to his lips and he kissed the top of it. “I will kiss you for realz just let me brush my teeth first” Rafe joked with me. “I’ll wait for you Cameron” I chuckled rubbing my thumb across his hand before bringing it to my chest.

“Barry is gonna hate this” I giggled shaking my head “I don’t need him anymore, I don’t care if he hates me” Rafe answered, perfectly. “I’m so glad your okay” I whispered hugging his arm clutching it to my chest. “I’m glad your here” “wait so are we like- together now or?” I raised my eyebrow urging an answer from the boy. “You’ve been my girl for a while, you just didn’t know it” “is- is that a yes?” I checked just to make. Rafe chuckled to himself.

“Yes gorgeous your officially my girl- and I will sort my life out for you i promise, your worth it”.

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absolut3lyn0t · 4 months ago

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Unwanted attention chapter 2

V’s x fallen angel exotic dancer reader

Tw drugs, alcohol, sex workers, drugging, mentions of past overdose, vomiting, (description of vomiting and the vomit itself), and Vox being a jelly donut

This chapter is pretty short but the next one should be longer

Thank you to my friend @darkwolf989 for helping edit! And if you would like to read some of my other content you can follow my second blog @absolut3th0t

Mdni this story will get explicate and there’s already mentions of drugs and alcohol and this show isn’t for children either way. I’m open to feedback and ideas!

I tried desperately to open my eyes again, blinking away the haze. What was his name? Pal? No, Val. At least, I thought his name was Val. Heavy hands brushed hair away from my face and I could feel the pressure of his grasp as he pulled hy face to his, jamming his lips to mine. He released me after a moment and I blinked as my vision slowly began to clear up.

His glasses were gone now, folded neatly on the seat next to us. He held me bridal style against him, his arms supporting me just enough to keep my face level with his. The other two demons I recognized from the club sat on either side of us. The girl still buried in her phone, and Vox sat with his arms crossed, his eyes boring into me. My eyes met his and his glare darkened.

Valentino followed my gaze and smirked when he realized I was looking at Vox.

“Do you want a turn? I doubt she’ll mind. She seems like a well behaved whore.” Valentino’s voice offered me seemingly without a second thought.

Vox’s screen glitched. “Excuse me?”

Valentino’s claws ran through my hair. “Come on Voxxy, you know you want it.” He paused and his grin grew darker. “We could have a threesome. Or even a foursome if Vel wants to join.”

At the mention of her name, the girl looked up. I watched as she rolled her eyes and immediately returned her attention back to her phone. Internally, I repeated the name. Vel. Her name was Vel. Vox, Val, Vel. Vox, Val Vel. Suddenly it dawned on me. These three were the infamous V’s. I was sitting in the limo with the V’s and they wanted to…have sex with me?

I tried to lift my head but failed. His hand pressed into my chin, and lifted my face to his as he kissed me again. I felt his thumb stroke my cheek before he released me. My head fell back to his shoulder and I let out a gasp. Pain shot through my skull and the feeling of nausea washed over me. Fuck, I was sobering up.

My head pulsed with each throb and I let out a small whine. Everything around me suddenly seemed too loud. The typing sounds from the girl's phone sounded like a spike in the ear, the smell of the cigars suddenly becoming too overwhelming to inhale. I could feel my eyes start to burn as the lights in the limo felt like a hospital- burning and bright. Flashbacks from when I overdosed. It was hot. I was simultaneously melting and freezing.

Was I coming down?

My skin buzzed as sweat dripped down my forehead. I gasped for breath, sharpYou'd better not throw up on me stupid bitch inhales and exhales as I try to tighten my grip on him.

Val looked at me and squinted “Bebé Muñeca?”

My eyelids felt too heavy to keep open so I let them fall closed. I felt him lift me upright in his lap, my feet resting against the seat. My head fell to his shoulder again. My belly churned as I tried to pull my head up, the burn of stomach acid creeped up my throat. I took a deep breath as I tried desperately not to vomit on his shirt. I choked back a gag as the taste of vomit touched my tongue. It took every inch of my self control to swallow back the disgusting taste.

His upper lip curled in disgust. “Será mejor que no me vomites, perra estúpida,” he snarled. His hand slid up the back of my neck and his fingers entwined in my hair. I whimpered as he yanked my head back. “Esta camisa cuesta más de lo que tú y yo planeamos darte un precio bonito”

The vomit starts to make its way back up again this time. Valentino grabs me the ice bucket to throw up in. He places it in front of my face. The vomit shoots in my throat into the bucket and the taste makes me vomit. I empty my stomach into the bucket everything I ate through the night pouring out of my body making me feel like an empty rag doll. I go limp in Val’s arms, he brushes the bangs out of my eyes. A whine spills from my mouth,I tuck my nose into his neck omg he smells so good. His hand traces the back of my neck

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painsandconfusion · 2 years ago

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Rot

(tw: character death, murder, overdose, broken bones, sliced vocal chords, hospital setting, drugging, abuse mention) [Drabble Masterpost]

Whumpee’s feet ground to a stop as they entered the hospital room.

Eyes locked on the bed.

The bandage-wrapped being lying on it.

Whumper.

They step softly into the window-lit room. It was grey. Silent. Just the bustling sounds of nurses moving through the halls, a few children playing in a waiting room below, and the steady whirr and beep of machines that faded listlessly into the background.

It felt like a dream.

Familiarity surrounded Whumpee. Their scrubs - the soft fabric pressed to their skin. The room they worked in every day - or at least ones just like it. The sounds and smells all around them.

Then Whumper’s face.

Also familiar - far too familiar, but…not here. It didn’t belong here. It made the familiar unfamiliar in the most unsettling ways.

Whumper still wasn’t looking at them, sleepy from painkillers and the exhaustion of the pain itself.

About fucking time they got a taste of pain. Exhausting, isn’t it?

Whumpee stepped closer, fingers dipping down to a bandage that wrapped Whumper’s leg.

Whumper winced - their entire body recoiling and tensing under Whumpee’s grip as they pressed against the wound - still tender from the reconstruction surgery.

Whumper’s eyes lock soundlessly onto them.

Fear.

All Whumpee could see in them was fear.

About time.

Whumpee’s fingers bit down, thumb pressing into the stitches and pulling a hoarse whine from Whumper’s throat.

“They told me you were here. I didn’t believe it. Thought there must be two people with the same name. But no.” They gripped tighter. “Here you are.”

Whumper squirmed under Whumpee’s grip. Warm and wriggling and panicked, all wrapped up and absolutely nowhere to go.

Whumpee’s eyes flicked to the door. “Technically, you’re not on my floor.” They release Whumper’s leg to pluck up their chart from its place, skimming through it. “So let’s make this fast.”

Whumper’s lips moved, but no sound came out - windshield glass to the trachea would do that to a guy.

“You always drove too fast,” Whumpee mused, eyes locking on ‘morphine - 15 mg’. “Breaking the law got you killed.” They tisked softly, tongue clicking against their teeth as they shifted to the cabinet and unlocked it, rifling through the supplies.

They turned back with a small bottle of morphine.

A syringe.

They stabbed it into the rubber and pulled out 30 more mg, eyes tracking the filling of the syringe. Plenty.

Flicking it idly, they replaced the bottle and closed the cabinet doors.

Whumper was wriggling now, cast-clad arm trying to bend up to the call button.

Whumpee took it, shifting it a few inches - just out of reach.

They directed their attention to Whumper’s other arm, holding it down with one hand while the other pricked the morphine into the access port as Whumper hissed lightly, trying to pull away.

“Shhhhhhhh,” Whumpee cooed, pressing the syringe down and letting it drip through the tubing. Manic, focused eyes watched the clear liquid’s journey down the catheter, through the needle, and into Whumper’s bloodstream, heart beating faster at their own audacity and the thrill of this moment.

Whumper’s lips kept shifting, shaping around the building blocks of a word. “P-s - pls- ps- d-dnt-”

Whumpee’s eyes flicked up, dark and wild. “How many times did I beg you to stop?”

Whumper shook their head in desperate, twitching jolts.

“And how many times did you listen?” They pressed the rest of the morphine into Whumper’s bloodstream as Whumper tried to thrash away.

But Whumpee’s work was done. They popped the syringe from the access point, capping and pocketing it to throw away in a different garbage.

“Never. You never stopped. Not even once.”

Whumpee stepped back, watching Whumper fumble uselessly for the call button, hoarse, pathetic attempts at a whisper-shout whining from their lips.

Whumpee pushed down the urge to watch, hand finding the doorknob. “I hope you rot.” They shoved the handle down and disappeared into the hall.

(tags: @prisonerwhump @whumpawink @mabledonut @happy-little-sadist @paleassprince @distinctlywhumpthing @wibbly-wobbly-whump @batfacedliar-yetagain @suspicious-whumping-egg @wormwriting @cat-anony @villainsvictim @throwawaywhumper @wild-selenite-caffine @whumpasaurus101 @thecitythatdoesntsleep @whumpworld @pinkieglitterheart @whumpberry-cookie @rainbows-and-whumperflies @a-galactic-fox @shywhumpauthor @cyberneticwhump @bumpwhump @hold-back-on-the-comfort @veyroswin @whumping-seven-days-a-week @whumpingisfun @suffering-and-misery @definitely-not-a-seagull-i-swear @yetanotheraltwhumpblog)

As always, lmk if you want to be added or removed from any tag lists!

#character death #murder #overdose #drugging #abuse mention #drabble #whump #whump scene #broken bones #sliced vocal chords #throat gore #hospital

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drabbles-mc · 2 years ago

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What Did You Do?

Richie Jerimovich & Mikey Berzatto

For Day 11 of @whumpril's 2023 Challenge: bedside vigil / "I'm right here"

Warnings: 18+, drugs/overdose, hospitals, language, angst

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: I broke my whole entire heart writing this. Idk what else to say about it.

The Bear Taglist: @garbinge @narcolini @withmyteeth (If you want to be added to any of my taglists, please let me know!)

When Richie showed up to The Beef and found the front door unlocked and walked in to see most of the lights already on, something felt off. It didn’t feel like the typical morning when someone else had gotten in before him. The door was open, the lights were on, but the restaurant was silent. Early morning prep wasn’t silent, especially not when Mikey was the one prepping.

Stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, he called out, “Yo! Cousin!” He walked behind the counter and made his way towards the kitchen. “You good?”

Every second of silence that followed only caused the discomfort coming over him to intensify. He was fidgeting with his hands even though they were shoved in his pockets. Part of him wanted to call out for Mikey again, another part of him couldn’t force any more words out. He didn’t want to know what a second round of no responses would do to his increasingly erratic heartbeat.

Striding through the kitchen, Richie noticed that while everything was clean, it wasn’t set up like someone had come in early to prep. It was all still, everything packed neatly away from the night before. The light that was starting to flicker by the door to the walk-in, throwing an even more eerie vibe over it all. He shook his head as he made his way towards the office.

He reached up to knock on the door when he saw that it was ajar. There was a strip of yellow light creeping out through the small crack between the door and its frame. He stood there frozen with his hand raised for a moment, unable to shake the feeling of dread that was stopping him from knocking. Clearing his throat, he tried to shake the negative thoughts that he didn’t have any real foundation for in the moment.

Finally rapping his knuckles against the door, Richie forced out an uncomfortable laugh as he said, “You deaf or somethin’ now, Mikey? Jesus, I—”

The rest of the sentence died in Richie’s throat when he pulled the office door open. His eyes widened and he was fairly certain that his heart stopped for a solid few seconds as he looked at the scene in front of him. He saw the empty, bright orange pill bottle discarded on the floor, the lid nowhere to be seen, only for his eyes to travel up and see Mikey sitting in the office chair, completely slumped over the desk.

“Fuck,” was all Richie was able to say as he charged in and over to his friend’s side. Leaning in, Richie looked at Mikey’s face, the fact that his eyes were closed and mouth open slightly only seemed to solidify the worst case scenarios running through his head. He shook Mikey roughly by the shoulder.

“Mikey?! Mikey! C’mon,” he shook him again, “wake the fuck up!”

When he didn’t, Richie felt bile creeping up in the back of his throat. He paced for a moment as he tried to pick one of the million racing thoughts in his head to focus on. Running his hand back over his head, he finally got himself to spring into action. He was so far out of his depth, but even so he knew that trying to do something couldn’t be worse than sitting back and doing nothing.

With more difficulty than he expected, he moved Mikey from the chair to the floor, laying him plat on his back. Richie didn’t even realize the way that he was constantly muttering the word, “Fuck,” over and over again under his breath. He fumbled getting his phone out of the pocket of his track pants before dialing 911. He let the phone clatter to the floor before kneeling next to Mikey’s body.

Pressing his ear to Mikey’s chest, he felt tears prick at his eyes when he didn’t hear anything. He felt no beat, not even the slightest shift of a weak inhale or exhale. Interlocking his hands, he tried to remember where exactly he was supposed to put them to give compressions. All the fucking medical dramas his wife made him watch, he thought that he would’ve picked up a few pointers on how to do CPR.

“911, what’s your emergency?” a woman with an infuriatingly calm voice asked on the other end of the line.

Richie shook his head as he started trying to do his version of CPR. “I uh, I think my best friend might be dead.”

They went back and forth, the operator asking questions and keeping her cool in a way that both kept Richie sane and also made him want to scream at her. He even did, a couple times, but she took that in stride too. She coached him through everything that he needed to do, and somehow he managed to do it even though he was on the brink of combusting the entire time.

“Told him,” he muttered to himself more than the woman on the phone, “told him not to mess with those fuckin’ pills. Told him there were bad fuckin’ news.”

“Sir,” her voice cut through the noise in his head, “please, I need you to give me your address.”

He scoffed, a fresh wave of anger breaking through the tears. “I told you I’m at The Fuckin’ Beef,” he snapped. “How, how many places called The Beef do you know of?” It was easy to be angry, to take it out on the woman being forced to ask the questions, but the reality of it was that he was far too upset and scatterbrained to remember the street address.

“I understand, sir.” Again, she handled it with no attitude, no problem. “Emergency services will be there soon. Please stay on the line with me until they get there.”

The first responders basically had to fight Richie out of the ambulance. The only thing that finally got him to relent was telling him that the longer they stood there arguing, the longer it was going to take to get his friend to the hospital to get him the rest of the help that he needed.

“If I beat you fucks to the hospital…” Richie threatened as he stormed off to his car, hand shaking violently as he clutched his car keys.

Richie was driving down the road as quickly as traffic and stoplights would let him. He’d never used the horn so much in his entire life. As he was attempting to weave through other cars, he was also trying to get ahold of Carmy and Sugar.

He didn’t know what he expected from Carmy. The kid was states away doing god only knows what in some restaurant packed to the brim with rich, pretentious fucks. But this was about Mikey. He had to pick up if it was about Mikey. Or so he thought. Richie didn’t even bother to leave a message when he went to Carmy’s voicemail. That was a problem that he would sort out later.

He huffed as he scrolled to Natalie’s number in his phone. He hit the call button, hand shaking as he brought the phone up to his ear. It rang twice before he heard Sugar’s voicemail message in his ear. He groaned right through the beep that cued him to start leaving a message. “You gotta fucking call me back, Sugar. I’m serious. Call me!”

The rest of the way to the hospital he kept trying to call. He texted her saying to call him and that it was important. This wasn’t a conversation that he felt like having over text. It wasn’t really a conversation that he wanted to have at all, but especially not over text.

When he got to the hospital, he was practically sprinting through the hallways trying to find where he was supposed to go, or at least find someone who could tell him where he was supposed to go. For a few minutes he didn’t realize why it was so hard to see in the fucking hospital, but then he realized it was because he had too many tears in his eyes to be able to see past him.

“They brought my cousin here,” he said as he leaned over the nurses’ station counter. “You gotta let me see him.”

The woman was obviously tense, hoping that Richie’s worry and urgency wasn’t going to turn into something that was a problem for her. “When was he admitted?”

“I don’t—” He shook his head, dropping it into his hands for a moment. “Probably like five fuckin’ minutes ago!”

“Sir, I’m going to need you to—”

“And I’m gonna need you to let me in so I can make sure that he’s not fucking dead!” He pointed aggressively to the maze of walls on the other side of the main desk.

The woman that he was talking to took a deep breath, setting her shoulders back just a little as she geared up for whatever was coming next. “Sir. I need you to give me your cousin’s name.”

He deflated slightly at the question. “M-mikey.”

“Last name?”

“Berzatto.”

The woman nodded as she typed it in. Her eyes scanned the computer monitor in front of her and she let out a small sigh before she looked back up at Richie. “You can’t see him yet.”

“What?!”

She stood up out of her chair so that she was a little closer to being eye-level with Richie. There was still a decent gap between them, but she lessened it enough to prove a point. “They are working on your friend. When they’re done with the procedure and he’s stable in his room, you’ll be able to see him.”

“Pro…procedure? What fucking—”

“I can’t say anything more,” she said with a shake of her head, a bit of sympathy in her voice that hadn’t been there before. She gestured to the small waiting room. “I, or one of the other nurses here, will let you know when you can see him.”

Richie wanted to argue, wanted to continue on his warpath, but there was something about the look in the woman’s eyes that sucked all of the fight out of him. The events of the morning were all starting to catch up to him at once. So, instead of yelling and bickering, he simply nodded and tried to find a seat in the waiting room that was as far away from other people as well. He tried calling Sugar one more time, but instantly went to voicemail. So she either shut her phone off, or finally got sick of him and blocked him. Either one was equally likely.

Richie’s eyes were glued to the tile floors of the waiting room, one leg bouncing uncontrollably. He felt like his heart hadn’t slowed down at all since he’d gotten there even though he had been sitting as still as he could the entire time.

He didn’t notice that there was someone standing in front of him until they cleared their throat. Looking up, he saw the nurse from before standing there, arms hugging a clipboard to her chest. “You can see him now.”

It should’ve been a reassuring thing, to be able to see him, but for some reason it felt like Richie’s stomach dropped even more. Swallowing hard, he nodded as he rose to his feet. Running his hand down his face, he asked, his voice not sounding at all like his own, “Is he…did he…you know…”

She nodded, understanding exactly what he was asking based on his half-sentences. “He’s still unconscious, but he pulled through. I don’t know when exactly he’ll wake up, but you’re more than welcome to wait with him until he does.”

There was a tremor to the breath that he let out as he nodded. “Yea, yea. Okay. Thank—thank you.”

When the nurse dropped Richie off at the door to Mikey’s room, he found himself still hesitating to go inside. All he could think about was the sight of him slumped over the desk in the office. He knew that that wouldn’t be what he was walking into this time, but it was all that he could picture. After a few seconds of shaking his head at himself, he stepped in and saw Mikey laid out peacefully on the hospital bed. He was tucked in like he was taking a fucking nap, not recovering from an overdose on pills.

His voice was quiet and shaky as he walked over to the bed. “What the fuck, Mikey?” He shook his head, dropping down in the chair beside the bed. “What the fuck did you do?”

Richie only managed to sit in the chair for about twenty seconds before he had to get up and start pacing. He wandered around the room, touching everything that didn’t seem breakable or like it would cut off whatever life support wires and tubes they had Mikey hooked up to. He just knew that he couldn’t sit still, couldn’t just sit at Mikey’s bedside twiddling his fucking thumbs. He kept checking his phone, hoping to see either Carmy or Sugar’s name flashing across the screen. Each time he was met with an empty lock-screen.

On his umpteenth lap around the hospital room, Richie spotted the bag filled with Mikey’s belongings, everything that was on her person when they loaded him into the ambulance. Ripping the bag open, he dug around in search of Mikey’s phone, letting out a sigh of relief when he found it. Taking it out, he typed in the code to unlock it without even having to think about it.

As one final hail Mary, he dialed Sugar’s number. The relief in his chest was indescribable when he didn’t get sent directly to voicemail. After a couple rings, she picked up and answered with, “Thank god. Are you with Richie right now? Can you tell him to stop blowing up my fucking phone? I’m at work. He knows that some of us work, right?”

It was hard for Richie to speak past the lump in his throat as he said, “Hey, Sug.”

“Richie?” She sounded confused and annoyed for a moment, but then after a second of silence, her tone switched as she asked, “What’s going on?”

His legs finally gave way and he sat down. “It’s…it’s Mikey.”

“What the fuck is going on, Richie? What happened?”

“I’m at the hospital. He’s,” he coughed in an attempt to hide the emotion in his voice, “he’s okay but you really, uh, you gotta get down here.”

“Shit. Fuck. Yea, yea okay. I’ll…I’ll be there soon.”

“Alright.”

They didn’t exchange a goodbye, Sugar opting to just hang up the call. Richie kind of preferred it that way, really. All things being equal, that was the nicest exchange that the two of them had had in a long time. He tossed Mikey’s phone onto the bedside table, sighing as he let his face drop into his hands. He could feel the tears spilling over and he didn’t even have the energy to try and stop them.

He snapped his head up when he heard the rustling of sheets on the hospital bed. Fresh tears filled his eyes when he saw Mikey reaching up to rub his eyes. He blinked hard a couple times, confusion taking over his face as he looked at the IV tubes that were plugged into his arms.

“Shit,” Richie finally forced out, a smile on his face despite all the heaviness in his chest.

Mikey turned and looked at him, his face paler than usual and an expression on it that Richie couldn’t quite read. It was like Mikey was trying to be himself but he couldn’t quite swing it. No one would’ve been able to blame him for that.

“Richie?” his voice was gravelly, like the back of his throat had been scraped raw.

“Yea,” he said, not sure what else he was supposed to say in a situation like this, “it’s me. I’m, I’m right here.”

“Hey.”

Richie didn’t know what was more genuine, the smile on his face or the ache in his chest as he stared at his bed fried laid out in the hospital bed. He was glad Mikey made it, of course he was glad Mikey made it. But there was so much that needed to be done now, so many conversations to be had. And, for all the talking that the two of them did, Richie had the nagging feeling that this was one thing that was going to be tough to get Mikey to be straight about.

“What’d you do, Mikey?” he asked, quiet as he’d ever been.

“What?” Mikey tried to play it off, tried to flash his usual smile that would transition him from one topic to the next seamlessly.

“What do you mean what?” Richie shook his head. “Do you, do you know where you fuckin’ are right now?”

“I know, I know.” Mikey slowly tried to move himself so that he was sitting a little more upright. “I got, you know,” he coughed, “carried away. I’m good.”

“You’re not good, cousin. You,” the lump came back in Richie’s throat, “you were dead in the fucking office.”

“Richie—”

“No, Mikey.” He stood up out of his seat. “I’m not joking with you right now. We’re not just going to move on from this. I, I told you not to mess with those fucking pills and you—”

“You were right. That what you wanna hear?”

“No! That’s not what I wanna hear! I don’t give a fuck about being right, Mikey. You died! Is that, is that not clicking with you?!”

Mikey sighed, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before looking back over at Richie. “What do you want from me, Richie?”

“I want you to be real about whatever the fuck has been going on with you lately. I want you to, you know, I want you to at least pretend that you’re taking this seriously.”

Deep down he knew that Richie was right, but he wasn’t ready or willing to cop to that. He wasn’t ready for everything that was going to happen in lieu of admitting that things had spiraled way too far out of control. So he did what the Berzatto’s did best—avoided the fucking problem.

“When are they lettin’ me out of here?”

Richie sighed in defeat, shaking his head. “I don’t know. Didn’t get that far. Was too busy asking if you were actually going to wake the fuck up to worry about when they were gonna let you out.” He dragged his hands down his face. “Sugar’s gonna be here soon. You gotta…get right before you see her.”

“Get right?”

“Yea. You can’t be acting like this when she comes in to see you. She’s probably been crying her fucking eyes out the whole way here and she can’t come in and see you sitting in bed acting like an asshole who doesn’t care that he just OD’d. You better fake that shit, cousin.”

“Richie—”

“I love you, you know.”

Mikey’s façade faltered for a moment. “I lo—”

“But I’m really, I’m fuckin’ pissed right now. So I’m,” he shook his head, “I’m gonna go meet Sugar in the lobby, I’m gonna go back to the fuckin’ restaurant, and I’m gonna make sure the place doesn’t burn down while you sort the rest of this shit out.”

Mikey knew when he’d lost an argument, so he just nodded. “Alright.”

Richie stepped towards the door to his room, stopping to make an amendment to what he’d said. “If anything else goes down, you fucking call me, alright? Because I’m, I’m still here for you.”

Mikey knew that Richie wasn't one to lie, for better or worse, but he still found himself asking, “Yea?”

He nodded. “Yea.”

The two of them stared at each other for another moment before Richie finally let himself out of the room. He felt like he was walking out of the room with a completely different set of weights resting on his shoulders than when he’d walked in. As he made his way down the hall, hoping to run into Sugar before she blasted her way into Mikey’s room, his mind started to peel apart everything that had happened over the course of the morning.

Before he could spiral too far, he could hear Sugar’s voice as she spoke with presumably the same woman that Richie had talked to not too long before.

“I know that he’s here, so please, let me—”

“Sugar,” Richie cut her off, his voice devoid of any of the humor and sarcasm that it usually had when he talked to her.

Turning to look at him, it was the first time that Natalie ever looked anything besides annoyed about seeing him. She didn’t look happy about it, per se, but there was definitely something akin to relief on her face.

Striding over to him, she stopped right in front of him. Her eyes were red and puffy—he’d apparently made the right prediction about her crying on the way to the hospital. “Is, is he okay? Where are you going? What happened?”

Richie motioned with his hands for her to slow down. “He’s out of it, but he’s alright.”

“What happened?” she asked, the hurt look on her face saying that she already knew the answer.

“Pills.”

She shut her eyes tight for a moment. “Fuck.” Wiping the tears off of her face, she came back around to the other question she’d originally asked him. “Where are you going?”

“Restaurant.”

She scoffed, like she couldn’t believe that he was just going to walk away. “Are you serious?”

“What, do you wanna go cover it, Sug?” He sighed. “I don’t think he needs me right now anyway. You,” he gestured towards the hall where Mikey’s room was, “go and talk some fucking sense into him.”

She didn’t have it in her to get into addressing everything that he’d just said. Instead, she asked, “You talk to Carmy?”

Richie shook his head. “Neither of you fucks picked up your phones.” He huffed, staring up at the ceiling as he said, “This is why you don’t give toddlers fucking smartphones.”

Natalie shook her head, already pulling out her phone to text Carmy. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Right.”

Richie went to step by her when she reached out, gently resting her hand on his forearm to stop him. “Richie?”

He couldn’t hide his confusion at the soft gesture. “Yea?”

She gave a short nod. “Thank you.”

He took a deep breath, nodding as he told her, “Family, right?”

She let out a shaky exhale as her hand dropped back to her side. “Family, yea.”

#the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu #mikey berzatto #michael berzatto #richie jerimovich #whumpril #whumpril2023 #whumprilday11 #bedside vigil #i'm right here #my writing #the bear fanfiction #fanfiction #drabblesmc

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entreldolorylanada · 2 years ago

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Ocurrió así: comencé a jugar a aquel sagrado juego sin saber lo que había que hacer, pero pronto aprendí que cuando hay demasiada gente dentro de la habitación nadie quiere hablar de amor. Yo jamás lo lamenté ni lo lamentaré.*

He’s been doing this for a long time already, and if it was going to kill him, he would probably welcome the death, but unfortunately, there was one thing he had learned about himself years ago. When he had survived the attempt to hang himself, he hadn’t thought much about it. He’d been gotten out of the noose, to the hospital, and then to another hospital, the mental one. But later he’d noticed that he couldn’t overdose himself on drugs, no matter how hard he tried. This discovery, plus the fact that any of his injuries healed extremely fast for an ordinary human being, inevitably led him to the tragic (or rather tragicomic, because that was how he saw his life most of the time) conclusion that he couldn’t and most likely would never die...

... He had no illusions when he came to this place. He knew what was going on and what was going to be next. However, his last thought before passing out was, algo anda mal****. After that, there was only a dark nothing... He opened his eyes again when he realized that someone was shaking him and slapping his cheeks. For a few moments, the surrounding world looked like a blurry multicolored spot, his head was hot and heavy, and he muttered, “Los putos maricones me dieron una mierda**...” But then the fog disappeared and the anxiety took its place. Breathing fast and trying to overcome the invisible weight pushing on his chest he glanced at the guy above him, then quickly pulled his knees to his chest (and that was the moment when he saw that his clothes were still on) looking around for any kind of exit. “¿Ónde toi? ¿Quién yes? ***” The attempt to focus felt so painful like his eyeballs were about to pop out from their sockets. “Where I am? Who are you?”

@coinquinatvs

#coinquinatvs #; en el jardín de la duermevela #v; muñecos rellenos de serrín #* En la ardiente oscuridad / Nacvo Vegas #** fucking f*ggots gave me a shit (esp.)#*** where am I? who are you? (ast.)#drugs tw #obscene language tw #f slur tw #**** something's wrong #sorry i forgot about this one #; starter #hope it's okay #and i don't have a fitting icon for this one

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sarahpetersonruiz · 2 years ago

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ella aquieta mi herida | self para

tw: death, mention of drugs, hospital

Sarah had been practicing for that day since she was eight years old. Perhaps that was why, as she sat in the waiting room in the hospital, she couldn't muster any tears. It had been hours, and she hadn't moved from the beaten-up blue plastic chair. Not to use the bathroom, not to get a coffee, not for anything. She simply sat and waited. A family sat to the right of her, holding hands with heads bowed, their tear-stained faces hidden from view. They were obviously praying for some sort of miracle for whoever was on the other side of those grey industrial double doors. She wondered if there was any point in her praying. For asking some greater power to make things different. She had tried everything - rehabs, interventions, shouting, crying...All of her efforts were futile. A part of her wished she had someone to hold like the other family did, but Sarah sat alone. Waiting. There was no point letting her siblings know; it would only upset them. Ultimately, was the one who had carried the burden of their mother since she was born. She was the one, she knew deep inside, who made her the way that she was. If her father hadn't struggled to care for two young daughters at such a young age. If she had just been a normal child with normal interests. If she had taken care of her mother more. All words she had tortured herself with for years.

Staring at the colourless tiles on the floor, she allowed herself to cast her mind back to one of the happy moments. When her mother was clean and was trying her hardest to be the parent Sarah always knew she wanted to be. They were rare moments, but Sarah cherished them like diamonds. One of the few advantages of having her strange ability to memorise almost anything. She could remember the cheap perfume her mom wore, how the clothes that had once fitted her hung loosely from her body, but Sarah always though she was beautiful. Her curly hair tied up on top of her head and her honey-brown eyes that Sarah so desperately wished she had too. The soft Spanish song she sang as they danced around their tiny apartment together. "Ella aquieta mi herida. Todo, todo, yo olvida," she would sing softly into her ear. Holding onto Sarah as if she were made of something precious. Paying attention to her, realising in those brief moments just how special her eldest daughter was. She told Sarah how they were going to visit Puerto Rico together - maybe move back there. How things were going to be so much better. How they were going to be a real family. Sarah had heard it all before. She knew better than to believe her. Eventually, the music would always fade away, replaced with screaming matches between the two and the hushed sounds of Sarah comforting her siblings. Their small apartment would become overwhelmed with trash and laundry again. Sarah's mom would lie on the couch, curled up with her back facing the rest of the world. Sarah would steal her perfume, soaking her pillow in it and breathing in the scent of a mother who simply couldn't do it.

The old double doors of the hospital squeaked open, forcing Sarah to return back to reality. A greying man, a doctor with kind eyes and hands occupying themselves with a scrub cap was approaching her, and she knew before he opened his mouth. She had been let down by enough people in her life to recognise when they were about to break her heart. She stood up, the first time in hours, her arms unmoving by her side. The doctor began to speak, using a gentle voice and a well-practiced verse. She wondered how many times he had made the same speech that day. "We did everything we could." She wondered if the fact that she died by an overdose clouded their judgement. She wondered if they even gave her a chance. "We're sorry for your loss."

Sorry for your loss.

Really, Sarah had lost her mother twenty-eight years before.

In the aftermath, she remained calm. She did everything she had to do, like the good daughter she had always been. After filling out the paperwork, she left the hospital and drove back to her apartment. She made her dinner, and she sat on her couch. She looked in the direction of the television, but she never turned it on. She sat like that for a while, waiting for the emotions to hit her. She had read enough books, been around enough people to know that she should be grieving. But instead, she felt empty. The silence was eating her alive. Eventually, pushing away her untouched plate, she stood up and walked over to her record player. It was her Grandma's, the only thing she had that belonged to the woman she never met. Sifting through the dusty vinyls, she paused when she reached a familiar title. Slowly, she took it out of the sleeve and placed it gently onto the desk, placing the needle. The room was silent, before it was filled with the fuzzy noise of the song her mom used to play.

Ella aquieta mi herida Todo, todo Yo olvida

As the song played, Sarah wrapped her arms around herself, the same way her mother used to do when she was small. The way she wished she had done more. The way she should have done the first time she faced those bullies in school, or the first time she had her heart broken, or the first time she doubted if she could make it in the world. She swayed slightly around the apartment, and for the first time, she let herself feel. Her cries came out of her like a demon; the sadness. The anger. The hurt. How could she have not tried harder? How could she have left her on her own?

The song ended, the music giving way to the scratching of the needle on the empty space of the vinyl disk. Sarah didn't move. She stayed like that for a while.

Ella aquieta mi herida Todo, todo Yo olvida

she soothes my wound, Everything, everything I forget

Sarah's heart was breaking.

Breaking for something she never really had.

#selfpara #this hurt!#a lot!#sarah

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adryanscott · 9 months ago

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Here’s everything I remember from the test😛😛😛

~Which valve opens during diastolic? 🤷🏻‍♀️

~Positioning pt in CHF- sitting position with legs dependent or fowlers? I chose sitting with dependent bcuz it didn’t mention and peripheral edema or swelling so like yahhhh😝

~what stroke is most common hemorrhagic? Don’t remember if it’s which brain stroke is most common or just regular stroke? I chose hemorrhagic 🩸🧠

~do significant Q waves mean mitral valve insufficiency? 🤔

~mitosis/ meiosis #MEHOYMINOY

~relative refractory period & absolute refractory period😬

~mallampati class 1??? 0/10, I have absolutely no idea wtf that is never heard of her who tf is Mallampati??? We don’t know her

~papillary muscles in ❤️

~pericardial tamponade ECG changes

~give glucagon in beta blocker overdoses 💊

~polymorphic ventricular tachycardia med to give: magnesium sulfate (polymorphic ventricular tachycardia is a MeDiCaL tErM🙄for torsades)

~bradykinesa??? 🤨

~if you nasaltracheo intubate a person and meet resistance, do you go in the other nostril? Cuz that’s what I put lolz😝

~binary fission? Idk wtf that is 🤷🏻‍♀️

~pathological Q waves

~ataxic gait… no idea what it is

~a 24 yo female has a 3 cm laceration above her right eye. She smells of alcohol. Vitals are normal. She states “I’m not going to the hospital😡” do you a.)call police to take her to detox b.)transport her to the hospital c.)have her sign a refusal form d.)treat her wound & have her friends take her home (that is literally the entire fucking question- word for word no idea how I remembered it but slaaaay)

~you are responding lights and sirens and see a school bus with its lights on and stop sign out. Do you a.) ensure there’s no children then proceed b.)turn off your lights and sirens, stop, then wait for the bus light’s and stop sign to be off (I put b)

~infant👶🏻 in cardiac arrest v-fib 20,40,80J school or 100, 200, 300, 360? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I did the kg conversion and chose 20,40,60 I can’t remember what the pt. weighed but bcuz they gave the weight in kg that’s why I chose the 20,40,60 kg to J conversion think it’s wrong thou😭

~do significant Q waves mean mitral valve insufficiency 🤔

~which leads for inferior MI will show reciprocally ❓

~reciprocal ECG changes😑

~beta blocker overdose scenario: 20ish yo male, call came in as a suicide call😵 bud lives w/ roommate who called, says bro been feeling depressy. Metoprolol pill bottle found near him (beat blocker drugs), he’s also a diabetic with an insulin pump. He remains unresponsive. One of the possible answers was stop the insulin pump but I didn’t chose that cuz we don’t give insulin in the field so yahhh no stopping pump is what I chose

~APGAR score: baby was moving n crying, ❤️ was 70, peripheral cyanosis and r’s @ like 30-40 I put 9

~inferior MI will show up on which leads: II, III, & avF

~some shit about trismus? dekwtf that is

~ do mast cells cause decreased vascular permeability, vasoconstriction, vasodilation, or sumthjn else I can’t remember 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think it’s vasodilation

Possibly more to come

😛😛😛

What the fuck am I supposed to do with this

#angsty anon😛

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pennzance · 1 year ago

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Ghostbusters: Port Huron (Episode 8)

Episode 8: Long Black Hair

Date: August 30th, 1998

Incident report by Jeremy

I discovered something about myself today: I like watching horror movies, but I do NOT like being IN them. Especially when all of my muscles hurt.

Amber’s new ‘fitness program’ is sort of brutal. I get that she was in the military, but it was the Air Force. They can’t have been THIS crazy about fitness. I’d also like to put down on paper that ‘burpees’ are complete horseshit. My arms have never hurt this badly before and I want my mommy.

All of that aside, we responded to another call from the hospital following up on a previous visit to the 6th floor of the Mental Ward. According to the call, the long black hair had returned. Since it vanished on us last time, Amber and I took the Ecto-908 with all haste to the hospital, leaving Bryan to his research and Eric to… whatever Eric does. I’m not a hundred percent clear on his contributions, honestly. Anyway…

We each took a pack, a trap, and a meter, and we split up to make a full sweep of the 6th floor. This was our first mistake.

Port Huron doesn’t get a lot of crazies, at least not the murderously psychotic kind, so most of the residents of the Mental Ward are on suicide watches or recovering from psychedelic drug overdoses. People in that state are prone to any kind of behavior, so responding to the first scream I heard didn’t help anyone since all I did was be in the nurses’ way as I tried to question a guy still hopped up on a nearly lethal amount of acid. He did not provide good information.

The meters were registering low levels of activity though, so there was something still on the 6th floor. Hospitals, especially old ones, can be mazes and cliché though it may be I’m not the kind to ask directions or look at maps, so I was flatly lost. I was trying to find my way back to the elevators when I rounded a corner and saw it.

It looks like someone just laying on the floor. Ther head was pointed toward me, face down, with long black hair splayed out everywhere on the floor. I heard a squeaking sound and realized that was its hands on the floor, sliding slowly backward as it bent at the waist, dragging its face on the tile. I called out, thinking it might have been another patient, and that’s when it looked up, the hair completely obscuring the face.

It let out a scream and bolted up from the floor into a run toward me.

I let out a scream and ran the hell away.

A nurse I passed in the hall pinned herself to the wall as I ran by and I heard her scream as well as she saw what was chasing me. I risked a look over my shoulder to see it hadn’t bothered with her and kept coming after me. I shouted for Amber, not entirely sure I wasn’t running in a circle with all my muscles on fire.

She stepped out into the hallway in front of me and levelled her nuetrona emitter. She waited for me to pass her before she let that thing have a full blast of positron collider in the face. I skidded to a stop and grabbed my own nuetrona wand, heating up the pack and determined to avenge my dignity.

The thing writhed under the undulating beams of light we hit it with. I only noticed then that Amber had the trap out and ready, and in a stomp of one foot and a flash of light, the long black hair was sucked into the steel trap of science.

I doublechecked the trap, and Amber just started laughing. Apparently it’s ‘hilarious’ that a man of my size screams in the octave I do. I fail to see the humor. Also my voice is quite hoarse now. Everything hurts.

End of Report.

ADDITIONAL: Jeremy moves VERY quickly for a man of his size with the proper motivation. We went out to get some ice cream to calm his nerves after we finished sweeping the hospital for any other activity. He’s a sweet guy when he isn’t absorbed in his tinkering. I feel like the team is getting along better now than we used to, which is good. Hopefully we keep getting better. – Amber.

ADDITIONAL ADDITIONAL: I contribute a lot, thank you very much! – Eric.

#pennzance writes #ghostbusters #ghostbusters port huron

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freetheshit-outofyou · 2 years ago

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Burning Man and it's Medical Emergencies

My Bride is a nurse and Burning Man always sends people to the ER, mostly with survivable injurers. Mostly heat related injuries, dehydration, alcohol poisoning and of course overdoses from all kinds of drugs. This year she had 2 that were new mixed in with all the normal BS. An elder woman, 72 yo, presented with a Esophageal perforation caused by a double dong. She is still in the hospital. The one that still hurts to think about is a 27yo male who presented with a degloved penis. If you don't know what a degloving injury is, like I didn't, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT HOLY DON'T LOOK IT UP. His injury occurred while trying to transport water on his head while riding a bike with no seat and he slipped off the pedals. He left the following day to head back to the Black Rock, that boys and girls is dedication to Burning Man.

#upstate nevada #northern nevada #black rock city #burning man #degloved

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white-pearls · 2 years ago

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Dopamine 18+

Sakuatsu + Bokuaka

Master list || Chapter 1|| Minors do NOT interact

Nobody is perfect everyone has their flaws. What happens when Atsumu who has one of the biggest rumors at school revolving around him and Sakusa who has a secret he can’t tell anyone. While Akaashi a boy who cares so much about his image but has someone trying to dig up a dirty secret about him falls in love with a boy who seems so far of reach.

TW: drugs, underage drinking, needles, blood, fighting, language, violence, rape?, mentions of being molested, mentions of abuse, ect.

Chapter 2

*gasps*

Atsumu sat up awaking from his sleep. He scanned the area to see that where he was seemed familiar.

He was in Sunas room. Plain white walls, blacked out curtains, a safe in a corner and drugs scattered everywhere.

He rubbed his face feeling his pounding headache over take him. He loved drinking but wasnt sure if the hangovers where worth it sometimes.

Getting up he walked to the restroom grabbing his toothbrush.

Atsumu's would stay over most of the time due to Suna not having any family. It gave the boy company and supervision in case he overdose. His parents had passed from a accident and his other family didn't acknowledge him. Giving him nobody to ask for help. That's why Atsumu would come at least 3 times a week. Eventually Suna had gotten him a toothbrush and his own clothes. Since he stayed over so much.

Now that he thought about it he slept in Sunas room meaning his friend had slept on the couch. The least he could do was make breakfast.

"What you cooking?" Suna asks his friend.

" Mornin, Just some eggs and bacon with toast in the side. Sit down I'm about to serve." Atsumu tilts his head indicating for him to take a seat.

Suna watched as Atsumu served him his breakfast with a cup of juice. He couldn't lie he found his friend annoying at times but if he was served like this he didn't think it was that bad.

"I see you haven't overdosed yet." Atsumu says taking a seat with his plate.

"Just because I'm a drug dealer doesn't mean I'm stupid." Suna takes a bite from his bacon.

Atsumu chuckles as he continued to eat.

Suna then got up and walked to the counter to grab a pill bottle. Walking back he placed it In front of Atsumu.

Advil the blonde reads.

Atsumu looks up at him and gave him a small nod as a thank you. They would sometimes hang out and not make a sound. It wasn't awkward more like peaceful.

"Yo, where's Akaashi?" Suna said. Thinking about it he was supposedly on his way last night. He never ended up showing up. You would think his friends would be concerned but instead they looked at each other.

"Passed out" they said in union.

________

Akaashi opened his eyes as the sun rays hit his face. He slowly brought his hands to face in disappointment. He has fainted yet again when he promised he was going to go to Sunas. It was alright though since everyone knew his situation. Akaashi had insomnia from stressing about everything. Trying to keep his perfect son image up, his perfect grades, and not wanting to disappoint his mother. Not wanting to associate himself with his father... trying to cover up everything about him actually.

"I guess it's time I get up." Akaashi said sitting up to be met with two boys staring at him. His eyes widen recognizing them. It was Kuroo and Bokuto.

"I'm sorry how did I get here?" He asks looking at both of them panicked.

"Ah I'll answer! After talking, you began walking away and a few second later we saw you struggling. You ended up passing out and well we just took you so nothing bad would happen." Bokuto said handing the green eyed boy a water bottle.

Why did they not take him to the hospital instead? Like any other person would. Then again they lived in Ellenor. A very poor area where someone would most likely not be able to afford a hospital bill.

Akaashi opens his bottle and takes a sip. Not knowing what to say next without making things uncomfortable. Hes never really been in a situation like this. He would mostly pass out in his house or around his friends. Which was a safe spot for him. He didn't have to worry about being kidnapped. Now that he thought about it was this considered kidnapping?

Akaashi began squeezing the bottle anxiously.

Bokuto taking a notice of it.

"Hmm if you don't feel well you can stay in my bed, or we can take you home." He said with a warm smile.

Did he just say his bed? As in the bed Bokuto slept in? Akaashi felt his cheeks warm up. He couldn't lie he has had a crush on this man since freshman year. He was so built, handsome, and kind. He was also one of the best players in the football team in their school.

Then there was his best friend Kuroo being the vice captain on the team. He was known to be the biggest flirt and secretly a nerd. Supposedly he had gotten a girl pregnant in middle school. At least that's what the rumors say.

"Uhh I think I'm going to stay for a bit more, my head hurts." Akaashi said holding the blanket tightly.

Why did he just say that? He was perfectly fine. He thought to himself but couldn't help lying to stay a bit more.

"Ah okay buddy do you need anything? We are kind of late for school right now. We didn't want to wake you up." Kuroo chimes in grabbing his bag.

SCHOOL?

Akaashi jumped out of bed and began putting his shoes on. He has never missed a day of school nor has ever been late in his life. This was going to ruin his reputation. He's going to be seen as a slacker or maybe something worst.

"Woah there are you okay?" Bokuto says worried watching Akaashi scram around looking for his phone. He shook his head and started throwing pillows around.

Bokuto walked to his night stand and unplugged the phone. "Right here," he says making Akaashi's head snap too look at him.

He quickly snatched it and began running out yelling "thank you so much! I'll repay you someday!" And with that the two boys where left stunned.

________

"Tell me why that bitch really tried to grab my dick when I was walking to 1st period. She also had them nail like claws. Felt like she was gonna rip it off." Atsumu's tells Suna as they chatted next to his locker.

Suna laughs knowing it happened often to Atsumu. Both of them being chick magnets in the school. But if you really wanted to see a man that had hella girl. Ushijima was your man. Captain of the football team, honor student, and a man who got everything he wanted. The bad boy a girl or man would wet themselves over. The dream boy every one died for.

Slam

The school door was opened by Akaashi who was panting. Holding nothing but his phone and a water bottle.

"Jeez what happened to you?" Atsumu asks walking towards him putting his arm over his friend.

"I'm late..." Akaashi said looking distressed. He held his chest catching his breath.

Atsumu rolled his eyes knowing he had 20 tardy's and 39 absences in a span of 3 months. Knowing his friend he was going to beat himself up over the stupidest thing.

"You need to relax Akaashi, I can hook you up with so-"

"No" Akaashi stops him as he grabbed Atsumu's notebook from the locker.

"I'll be borrowing this since you never use it , see you guys later." The gray-blue eyed boy walked to class as the bell rang.

"I was just offering him some drugs" Suna yawns.

Atsumu sighs as he closes his locker to walk down the hall with Suna. He saw how people looked at them up and down. Judging them with their cold eyes. It was always like this though. Not like he cared he felt almost superior to them just because he wasn't in some stupid drama. Mostly everyone had something going on. It being breakups, fights, drugs, or being back stabbed. Not him though, he just vibes with the night. Drinking and going to party's until he blacked out. There was no way he was going to get into some dumb shit. At least that's what he thought.

As Atsumu walked while chatting with his friend he felt a harsh push on his shoulder. He turned around to realize some dude had bumped into him. The boy had pale skin, black hair and blue eyes. He wore a tan sweater with the school name on it.

"Watch where yet going pal," Atsumu said grabbing the guy.

He didn't turn around though causing Atsumu to feel disrespected. He didn't know who this guy was nor did he care. Dude didn't even have the guts to look at him in the face.

Suna also approached the guy backing his friend up. People started taking their phones out knowing shit was about to go down. Until someone showed up.

"Atsumu leave the kid be, he's with me. You already know if you mess with mine I'll make you walk in crutches." Usijima said appearing from the crowed.

Atsumu let's put a heavy sigh as he looked at the tall guy.

He let's go of the boy and pushed him towards Ushijima. Him fighting a random guy was one thing. Him fighting with what was Ushijima's was another.

Without saying anything they parted. There was no need to start something big. But even after walking away Atsumu could feel the dudes glare in the back of his head. Almost as if he wanted to kill him.

It didn't matter though it wasn't the first time he had gotten looks like those. But who the hell was that guy? And why did he have an issue with him?

"Suna I have a bad feeling about that guy." Atsumu mumbles as they walked away. Suna shoved his hands in his pockets as they walked to class.

"For some reason I feel the same way. Why is he even hating on you without knowing you?" Suna looks back making sure he wasn't coming back. Atsumu doesn't respond instead he looks down at his feet.

"Whatever it is I don't think it should matter. We may not be as frightening as Unshijima but we still have connections he doesn't. If something happens we call them up." Suna smiles trying to comfort his friend who felt uneasy.

"What could go wrong?" Suna said as he threw his arm over Atsumu's.

#akaashi keiji #sakuatsu #sakusa kiyoomi #bokuaka #miya atsumu #haikyuu!!#haikyuu series #haikyuu ships

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jenonctcity · 5 years ago

Text

My Ending - Part 3

Differences – Na Jaemin

Part of the Bad Boy Series.

Badboy!Au, Streetracer!Au

Disclaimer: This is going to be a very dark themed story, please do not read if you are triggered easily by the mentioned subjects in the warnings.

Warnings: Mentions of Suicide Attempts, Mentions of Suicidal Thoughts, Mental Health Issues (Depression and Anxiety), Character Death, Mentions of Drug Use/Overdose, Mentions of Drug Addiction Effecting Baby After Birth.

Word Count: 8k

---

Silence ensued over the table. The gently murmuring of the people around, the latest pop song playing softly over the speaker, and the noises of cutlery hitting plates was the only thing that filled the silence. Jaemin dipped his fry into ketchup, popping it into his mouth and wiping his hand on the napkin crumpled up on the table. Jeno watched him, his eyes slightly narrowed as he sipped at his milkshake through the straw with his left hand, his newborn baby son occupying his entire right arm, peacefully asleep and blissfully unaware of the tension in the air.

“Just say what you want to say Jeno.” Jaemin rolled his eyes, fed up of the silent treatment that Jeno had been giving him ever since he’d met up with him at the diner. Everything had been going perfectly fine. Until Jaemin dropped the bomb on him that he’d proposed to you. His best friend had gone dead silent and hadn’t spoken to him for a whole five minutes, apart from thanking the waitress when their food turned up. Jeno placed his milkshake cup on the table, clearing his throat and pursing his lips.

“I just think you should have told me.” Jeno finally confessed, picking up his fork and stabbing an onion ring with it, shoving it into his mouth and turning his attention to his plate. “You know since I’m your best friend!”

“It’s not that big of a deal.” Jaemin laughed, rolling his eyes at Jeno’s pettiness. Jeno raised his eyebrows at Jaemin and gave him a stare.

“It is, you had me thinking you were just going to ask her to move in! I didn’t think you were going to ask her to marry you!” Minjun squirmed a little as Jeno’s voice got louder, the baby blue pacifier in his mouth moving as he started to suck on it in his sleep. “Sorry lil guy.” Jeno gently bounced his arm to soothe the baby, Jaemin’s eyes automatically sticking to the baby he so desperately wanted to hold.

“I hadn’t spoken to you since I’d made the decision! I bought the ring the same day I proposed, and you were in the hospital watching your son pop out!” Jeno’s silence proved to Jaemin that he was right, leading him to smirk at him. Jeno sighed and smiled softly.

“Don’t you think you’re rushing into things?” Jaemin quirked an eyebrow up at Jeno, letting out a sarcastic laugh.

“You literally had a baby with someone you’d been with less than a year.” Jeno pursed his lips in realisation, biting his bottom lip and shoving a fry in his mouth. “Exactly. Now give me that baby!” Jaemin reached his hands out across the table, making grabby hands at Minjun. Minjun had graced the world with his presence exactly a week ago, which is the same amount of time Jaemin had had the honour of calling you his fiancée. Of course you’d said yes! Why wouldn’t you? Jaemin was the man you’d been dreaming about since you had known was a relationship was! And since that moment, neither of you had been able to stop smiling, a giddy feeling sitting in the pit of your stomach whenever either of you thought about each other or your future wedding.

“No. Do her parents know yet?” Jeno picked up his milkshake and took another long sip.

“Why?” Jaemin pouted, his eyebrows falling as he let his arms fall. “And yeah, they know. They actually took it really well, but only because they like me a lot.” He smiled smugly, knowing that Jeno’s girlfriend’s parents weren’t huge fans of the man who knocked up their daughter after such a short amount of time. Jeno rolled his eyes in respond, definitely making his mind up about passing over Minjun now. Jaemin had no chance of holding his baby. “Give me the baby!”

“No, he’s mine, make your own. How about grandma?” Jaemin frowned, rolling his eyes and folding his arms over his chest in defeat.

“She’s ecstatic, she loves (Y/N) and you know she’s been bugging me about getting married since I was about fourteen.” He chuckled as he thought about his grandma’s nagging, fond memories flashing through his head whenever he thinks about her. “Seriously, pass me that baby over before I wrestle him out of your arms. Uncle Nana needs a cuddle.” Jeno rolled his eyes, but very gently passed over his pride and joy to the buzzing man across the table. Jaemin almost squealed in delight, cradling the tiny premature baby in his arms like he was holding the thinnest, most breakable piece of glass in the world. “You must be so proud Jen…” He spoke quietly, too engrossed in staring at Minjun’s delicate features to see that Jeno had quickly picked up his burger that had been untouched, biting into it fast.

“Mhm.” Jeno hummed, already used to the delay of eating his food since becoming a father even though it had only been a week. “He’s precious.” He mumbled in-between chews, swallowing the lukewarm food and smiling at the sight of his best friend holding his son, even though Jaemin had already held him plenty of times considering they live together.

“I can’t wait to play match maker with him and Jihyo.” Jaemin’s words had Jeno choking on his burger, his hand coming over his mouth to stop the food from flying across the table. He hastily swallowed and shook his head.

“Nuh uh, not happening. I’d technically be related to Renjun and that’s not something I enjoy the thought of.” Jaemin laughed at Jeno’s revelation, whispering to Minjun just loud enough so Jeno could hear.

“Ignore daddy, don’t worry, Uncle Jaemin will make it happen.” He leaned in and placed a tender kiss to Minjun’s head, hoping that in a few years’ time the roles would be reversed, and it would be Jeno holding his son whilst Minjun quizzed them about the new arrival. Jaemin was excited for the future, because for him, it was only just beginning.

---

The date had been set. Your wedding was to take place exactly a year after the night you got engaged, because you and Jaemin decided that was super romantic, and completely in character for the both of you. The past three months of engagement hadn’t been anything like you’d imagined it to be. And you were starting to get stressed, because the day was slowly creeping up on your, but you hadn’t booked or arranged anything for the big day. Which was slowly driving you up the wall. It seemed to you that every time you tried to pin Jaemin down to sort things out, he was too busy being loved up and trying to get into your panties, or he simply was too busy working on his car or racing. You could feel it building up inside of you, ready to blow like a ticking time bomb. You just didn’t expect it to explode so soon.

You’d had what you could only describe as a shit day. You had to deal with a lady at work who was somewhat difficult, and she refused to eat her dinner, which caused you stress and you knew she hadn’t eaten her lunch either and as her carer it was your responsibility to make sure she was fed. Ultimately though, if she refused to eat, you couldn’t force her. So you’d left her with everything she needed and got in your car with a heavy feeling in the pit of your stomach. You were at the end of your workday, and as you started your car you remembered that you’d promised Jeno’s and Renjun’s girlfriend that the three of you would prepare dinner for the entire family tonight. Every Friday night you all spent the evening together with the kids, and tonight you’d thought it would be good for you to prepare the food instead of ordering takeaway. You regretted that big time now. All you wanted to do was go home, put on your comfiest clothes, and curl up in Jaemin’s arms whilst you looked at stupidly priced flower arrangements. Things got worse after you ran to the supermarket to pick up ice cream for dessert, only to go back to your car to find a big dent in the rear passenger side that hadn’t been there before. You drove home with a horrible feeling in your stomach that only got worse as you let yourself into yours and Jaemin’s shared bedroom.

You had never seen Jaemin doing drugs before, you didn’t even know that he was still doing drugs, as he’d told you that he hadn’t. So your stomach dropped through the floor and sprang back up to lodge itself in your throat when you walked into the bedroom and witnessed Jaemin and Haechan snorting coke off of your bedside table. Jaemin looked up as soon as he heard the door click open, his mouth popping open when he saw you stood there staring at him with your mouth popped open and eyes focused on him. You didn’t know what to think, but you knew exactly how you felt, and it wasn’t going to bring your mood up at all.

“I’m going to go.” Haechan was the first to break the awkward silence. He rose from the bed, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek as he shuffled past you to get out of the room, shutting the door behind him to save everyone in the house from hearing everything you were going to say to each other.

“Baby…” Jaemin also rose to his feet, sniffing quickly and rubbing the residue of cocaine off his nose as he went to approach you.

“Don’t baby me.” You shook your head, your voice hard and stern, letting him know that he was about to be in trouble. He visibly gulped, his mouth falling open as he tried to form words, but he didn’t really know what to say to you. “You…uh fuck you Jaemin.” You muttered, spinning around to open the door when he hurried to stop you from leaving. You’d managed to open the door only by an inch when Jaemin went slamming into it with his whole body, inevitably preventing your exit.

“Please don’t go, I promise I’ll stop if you don’t like me doing it!” Something you’d come to figure out about Jaemin was that he was a huge people pleaser, especially when it came to you. You found that if he had done the slightest thing to cause your mood to sour, then he was immediately trying to fix your mood and make you happy with him again. Usually it worked, but this was the cherry on top to your crappy day, and you didn’t even want to talk to anyone else for the rest of the day.

“It isn’t that you’re doing the drugs Jaemin! I made it quite clear to you that I wasn’t bothered by what you do, as long as you don’t get your stupid ass thrown in jail then I’m fine with it, it’s your life. But you know what I also made fucking clear, I made it clear that I wanted you to tell me about thing like this. Don’t go behind my back and do shit like this Jaemin.” You tried to pull on the door handle but Jaemin wasn’t shifting his weight from the spot on the door.

“You aren’t my mother.” He mumbled, having the audacity to roll his eyes when you were looking at him. “Listen-”

“No, you listen to me.” You frowned up at him, holding back the tears that pooled in your eyes from your anger, sadness, and from how fed up of the day you were. His eyes widened at your strict tone, realisation hitting him that he probably should have given you attitude. “You did this behind my back Jaemin, that’s called betrayal, because I trusted you when you told me you would tell me everything. What if you accidentally overdosed and I didn’t even know you were doing drugs?! What the fuck would I tell the doctors?!” He slowly moved his weight off of the door, his eyes glued onto yours despite the shame inside of him making his eyes want to drift away. He knew if he broke eye contact with you when you were in a mood like this and feeling so passionately about something, then he was be in even bigger trouble. “Also, I’m fucking stressed out and everything is going wrong today.” That’s when the flood barrier broke and you let out a sob, the tears running down your cheeks and pooling on your jawline. Jaemin gulped, reaching out to hold your hand in his but you snatched it away from him, not finished with your rant yet and knowing if you caved in and let him touch you, then you’d just let it all go. “Work was shit and someone dented my car.” You whined, feeling some of the pressure coming off of your chest as you vented. “And then I come home to this shit!”

“Someone dented your car?!” Of course that was Jaemin decided to point out. “Who?”

“I don’t know! They didn’t leave any details and it happened when I was in the supermarket.”

“I’ll buy you a new car beautiful.” He stepped closer to you, but again, you stepped back, just shaking your head at him to tell him no.

“That isn’t going to excuse you doing drugs and lying to me about it. You told me that you didn’t them anymore!” You eyed the door handle again when Jaemin was glancing down at his feet and rubbing the back of his neck in nervousness.

“I only did it a few times…”

“I don’t care! It still happened!!!” You whimpered, almost stomping your foot on the floor from how frustrated you were getting at the fact he didn’t seem to understand why you were so upset with him.

“I’m sorry, it won’t happen again.” He cleared his throat, moving to sit on the bed and putting his head in his hands, anxiety swimming around in his stomach from the thought that he could lose you from this, that’s why he had tried to make excuses and to change the subject by offering to buy you a car.

“It better not.”

“Why are you stressed baby girl? You should have told me that you were feeling stressed.” He had noticed that over the past few days you were far more agitated than you usually were, but he hadn’t brought it up in fears that he was just imagining it and it would cause you to be offended.

“Because we’re getting married in nine months Jaemin and we haven’t booked fuck all of the wedding, and every time I try to get you to help me arrange it, you brush it off or tell me that your busy! I can’t plan a wedding on my own, it’s your wedding just as much as its mine.” You wiped at your eyes with the palms of your hands, sniffing back your emotion and letting out a deep breath to try and steady your breathing. This was your first fight with Jaemin, and it left a putrid feeling inside of you that felt like it was rotting you from the inside out.

“I’ll make more of an effort okay, I’m sorry.” He gulped, his face feeling hot and his heart beating faster in his chest as a side effect of the drug he took.

“You have time to snort cocaine but you haven’t got time to plan your o-”

“I said I’m fucking sorry okay?!” He knew the over confidence was the cocaine talking and he immediately winced, standing up and rushing to you to embrace you as his apology. But you were already holding a hand out to stop him.

“I’m going to stay at my parents house tonight. Don’t contact me until tomorrow.” You stormed out quickly, ignoring everyone as they watched you leave, not really caring what they thought of you in that moment, it’s something you’d think about at a later date.

“Baby no!” Jaemin was hot on your heels, grabbing his own car keys on the way out but that’s when Renjun and Jeno stopped him, both of them pinning him to the wall.

“You’re not driving under the influence.” Jeno pried the keys out of his hand with a lot of difficulty, since Jaemin had seemed to be determined to follow you.

“I have to stop her!” Jaemin fought against them, his body thrashing as he tried to push them off of him.

“Jaemin no!” Haechan stood up quickly, helping Jeno and Renjun in restraining the frantic man.

“If she leaves she won’t come back!” Jaemin shouted, his eyes filling with tears as the he fell to the floor in a heap as a last attempt to move past them. Haechan was quick though, and he tackled him to the floor. “They never come back when they leave!” He started to sob as panic set in, his limbs shaking as his thoughts poisoned his mind.

“She will be back.” Jeno used a soft tone once he realised that his best friend was panicking because he was relating you leaving him, to his mother leaving him. “Shh, calm down.” He pocketed the keys and rubbed a hand against his head.

“Why is Uncle Nana crying?” Jiyeon’s soft voice made Jeno and Renjun’s head snap to the doorframe where she was stood, a worried expression on her face with her teddy bear in her arms.

“Jiyeon you’re supposed to be in the living room with everyone else.” Renjun sighed, standing up fast and rushing to his daughter. Haechan and Jeno let go of Jaemin once they saw he’d calmed down, Jeno giving him a hand to stand up. Jaemin ran a hand through his hair, sniffing back his tears and walking back towards his bedroom. Once he reached it through, his fist clenched, and before he could stop himself, he had already punched a dent in the wood. Renjun was still stood within eyesight with Jiyeon looked over his shoulder at the incident. Her little face crinkled up as she broke out into a cry, clinging onto her daddy tighter from fright.

“Uncle Nana scary!” She cried into her fathers’ shoulder. Renjun tensed up, not quite believing that Jaemin would do that in front of a two-year-old.

“It’s okay honey, let’s go see Jihyo.” He stroked a hand up and down her little back to comfort her as she cried, knowing if he didn’t calm himself by using his daughters then he was going to go ape shit at Jaemin. Jeno groaned, leaning his head against the wall in defeat, unsure of what to do.

You spent the night at your parent’s house, just telling them that you felt rough and needed a break from the hectic apartment for one night. They were more than happy to have their baby back home for a night, even if you went straight to bed and slept straight through to the morning. You felt like something was missing, and you knew it was Jaemin. It was Saturday and you had no other obligations to do other than to go home and make up with your boyfriend. You had breakfast with your parents and siblings, trying to enjoy the fussing of your mother and the dad jokes your dad kept coming out with. But it was hard when all you could think about was Jaemin. You worried about him, mostly because of his depression and you knew that this was probably harder on him, even if he was the cause of the argument, you still felt like you should worry about him more than yourself.

Arriving back at the apartment was bittersweet. You considered it as your home now and you were super comfortable living there with the people Jaemin considered as family, so to be back home made you feel good, even if you had only been away for one night. But it left a bitterness on your tongue because you knew the mood would be sour when you entered. You were wrong, Renjun had taken his girlfriend and kids back over to the opposite apartment that they spent most of their time in, Haechan was still in bed asleep, and Jeno and his girlfriend were cuddled up on the sofa watching the morning news with Minjun asleep in her arms. However, Jaemin was laying on his bed with his eyes shut when you entered, his eyes immediately opening and landing on you. His eyes were clearly bloodshot from his lack of sleep, and he sat up fast.

“Don’t say anything,” You spoke softly, approaching him quickly and taking his face in your hands. “Just listen. I’m sorry I was super harsh on your yesterday, I just wanted to express how I felt and I realise now that it was a bit too much…have you slept?” You stroked your thumbs against his hot cheeks, letting out a sigh when he shook his head.

“No…I’m sorry baby, can we make up now?” He wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his forehead against your stomach and letting out a tired sigh and a yawn.

“Yeah, we can.” You couldn’t stay mad at him for too long, and you felt a lot better today after having vented the night prior, your mood a lot calmer and leading you to make a rational conclusion about it all. The two of you moved so that you were cuddling on the bed, him being the big spoon and snuggling his head into the crook of your neck from behind.

“I promise to make more effort for the wedding.” He whispered, his hot breath washing over your skin and sending a chill down your spine. You let out a very gentle laugh and closed your eyes, feeling a wave of sleepiness attack your eyes, probably from the warmth of Jaemin and from how tired he looked himself.

“It’s so stressful to plan a wedding, I wish we could just elope next week.” You joked, letting out another soft laugh and a yawn. Jaemin laughed with you, but then cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

“Let’s do it.”

“What? Elope?” You opened your eyes and twisted your head around to glance at him. He bit his bottom lip as his eyes racked over your face, taking in all of your features that he loved each of so much. He still couldn’t believe how someone as perfect as you walked straight into his life and hadn’t walked back out again as soon as you got to know him.

“Yeah, maybe not next week though…how about on our one-year anniversary? It’s in like two months, right?”

“Three months…okay!”

“And we can just buy the outfits a-wait…did you say okay?” He felt a wide smile pulling at the corners of his lips, one you quickly mirrored.

“I did, let’s do it.”

---

Neither of you had told a soul. It was a Sunday, and you both hoped into Jaemin’s car, both of your wedding outfits stowed away into the boot so that no one could see them as you drove to the local chapel. It was your anniversary today too, so you felt like you were on cloud nine with Jaemin, both of you so in love with each other that it almost physically hurt. Of course people would judge you for getting married after only being together for a year. But fuck them! It’s none of their business, and neither of you cared for anyone else’s opinions. You both got changed in separate rooms, and you felt the air almost get knocked out of your chest when you saw Jaemin in his suit. It reminded you of the first time you laid eyes on him when he was wearing the suit from his mother’s funeral, and you remembered just how much your mouth nearly watered at the sight of him. Jaemin felt his eyes sting and a lump forming in his throat at the sight of you in your white wedding gown. It was a simple silk gown that hugged your figure and pooled around your white high heels.

You felt tears pool in your eyes as you said your vowels, Jaemin’s hands completely still compared to your shaky ones as you slid the ring up his finger. You don’t think you could ever forget the bright smile and twinkle in his eye as you watched him recite his own vowels, his bottom lip between his teeth as the minister declared you husband and wife. The ring felt foreign on your finger, but it was a welcome feeling, and you soon forgot about it as Jaemin’s lips pressed to yours, his hands sitting on your hips so tenderly you could hardly feel them. His lips were warm, and ignited the fire in your heart once more, like the kiss was dousing your love in a fuel that would make it explode. When you drew back, you both gazed into each other’s eyes and let out soft giggles.

“Mrs Na.” He whispered, laying another kiss to the corner of your mouth before swiping your hand up in his own. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, my husband.” You giggled again, completely giddy about your new titles for each other.

“I guess we should go and tell everyone, who shall we visit first?” He guided you back down the aisle, his heart beating so fast he genuinely thought it was going to pop out of his chest.

“My parents and then your grandma?” He nodded quickly at your suggestion. The both of you decided to keep your suit and gown on, wanting it to up the shock factor to all of your unsuspecting family and friends. All of the legal stuff and fees had been taken care of before, so you were just free to go on about the rest of your day as newlyweds. Even sitting in Jaemin’s car had you feeling different, and you almost bounced on the seat from your excitement.

When you arrived at your parent’s house, you both ducked down as you walked up the garden path, just in case one of your eager eyed siblings spotted you on your way to the door. You took a deep breath and knocked on the door, despite the key that you owned. Your mother was the one who answered the door, and she gave you a furrowed eyebrowed, head pulled back in confusion look.

“It’s not Halloween you crazy kids! What’s this all about?” She moved out of the way to let you both in. You both shuffled in, removing your shoes and giggling at her expression. Jaemin gave her a hug and kissed her on the cheek.

“We have something to tell you, but we should gather everyone together.” You couldn’t help the big grin stuck on your face, and you wondered if it would ever disappear.

“It’s just me and your father home, the kids are all out, we could wait for them to come home?”

“How long will they be?” You titled your head, going through to the living room with your mum and Jaemin. Your dad was sitting on the sofa watching the football, but at the sight of you in a wedding dress and veil his eyes almost burst out of his skull. You sniggered and pulled Jaemin beside you.

“A few hours.”

“It’s okay, we’ll just tell you two.” You looked up at Jaemin, biting your bottom lip as your mum sat beside your dad.

“What’s going on?” He raised an eyebrow, trying to hide back his sarcastic remarks about your outfits, wanting to make a halloween joke so badly.

“We got married!” You held your hand out to your parents to show off your ring, trying not to feel dejected when neither of them smiled, instead both of their mouths dropping open in shock and their eyebrows turning into frowns.

“Without telling us?! The wedding isn’t supposed to be for months!” Your dad sat up straighter, clearly annoyed that he wasn’t part of his oldest daughter’s wedding.

“Aren’t you happy for us?” Your sudden sad face and pout had your parents immediately back tracking, both of them jumping up to hug you.

“We are princess, we’re just a bit upset that we weren’t there is all.” Your mother kissed your forehead while your dad shook Jaemin’s hand.

“We’re going to have another wedding reception that’s family only, so you’ll be apart of that.” Jaemin smiled, hoping that would give your parents a peace of mind. It seemed to work, but you knew they were still not 100% happy with your decision. You stayed with them for a little while, before hopping back into the car to go to Jaemin’s grandmas.

“Do you think she’ll take the news better than mum and dad?” You asked Jaemin, turning your head to him as he stopped at a red light of an intersection. He smiled, placing a hand on your knee and stroking his thumb against the silky fabric of your dress.

“I think she might be a bit upset too, but she’ll just be happy that I finally got a ring on your finger before you could change your mind.” He chuckled, leaning across the seat and laying a kiss on your parted lips.

“I considered it.” You winked at him to tell him you were joking. He gasped in mock offense, shaking his head and biting the inside of his mouth.

“You can’t escape me now (Y/N), you’re in this for the long ride now.” He winked back at your and chuckled, driving when the light turned green.

“I wouldn’t want to leave you any-” You never got to finish that sentence.

---

“Jaemin?” Jeno’s voice was foggy, like his head was being held underneath a pillow being smothered to death. He opened his eyes fully, immediately wincing at the harsh lights above him. His throat felt like a serrated knife had been lodged inside of it, every time he gulped to try and quench the dryness, it stung and left him almost gasping for water. Despite that, he didn’t feel dehydrated, and he couldn’t feel much more of his body. Everything felt numb to a certain extent, but it felt good when he flexed his toes out, the stiffness loosening his muscles out. “Jaemin it’s me, can you hear me buddy?” It was then he remembered that Jeno had been talking to him, his voice now clearer as Jaemin’s head defogged.

“Yeah.” He whispered, his eyes baring into Jeno’s. “You look like shit.” He managed to whisper out when he noticed Jeno’s appearance. Jeno had bloodshot eyes and big dark circles underneath them, like he hadn’t slept in centuries. His hair was a mess, and his lips looked sore as if he’d been constantly biting them. Jeno gave him a very small smile, letting out a very soft sigh.

“I’ll be back in a moment.” He rose from his seat, exiting the room only to reappear a few moments later. “The doctor is now coming; do you remember what happened?” He asked with a very soft tone, his hands shaking slightly as they ran through his already messed up hair. Jaemin let out a sigh, narrowing his eyes as he tried to rack his brain, until it suddenly hit him.

“(Y/N)!!! Where is she?! W-we got hit by something didn’t we? I-I don’t remember anything except everything going black a-and…Jeno is she okay?!” He felt panic settle in, and he tried to sit up, but was restricted from doing so when he placed his hand on the mattress to push himself up, only to be hit by a pain he’d never felt before. It was excruciating, the pressure he put on it making the pain flare up, since there was only so much pain that the medication he had been given could take away.

“Jaemin stay still!” Jeno pushed Jaemin back into his pillows very gently, more guiding him by his shoulders than pushing.

“Jaemin, hello I’m doctor Park.” A middle-aged man with grey hair entered the room with a calming smile on his face. “Please don’t move too much, you’ll do yourself more harm than good.” He approached the bed and looked into Jaemin’s eyes, he took a deep breath and began to explain to Jaemin. “You’re been unconscious for two days, you haven’t sustained any brain damage, and you’re expected to make a full recovery, however, you have broken multiple ribs, and your left wrist, and we’ve given you stitches on multiple lacerations over your body which will likely scar.”

“I don’t care about me! Tell me is my wife okay?!” Jaemin wanted to scream, but he knew that wouldn’t do any good. He just needed to see you and make sure that you were okay.

“Mr Na, you were involved in a very severe car collision. The car hit your car at such a speed that your car flipped multiple times,” Jaemin’s eyes flicked over to Jeno as the doctor spoke, and he saw a tear roll down his cheek. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked back up at the doctor, waiting for the explanation. He felt his heart in his chest, it was pounding so hard that it felt like it was rising through his throat, a bad feeling burning in his stomach. “The other driver of the car died on impact, and you had to be cut free of your car. Your wife also had to be cut from the car. She was brought back here, and we took her straight into surgery after discovering that she had a bleed on the brain,” Jaemin felt like the pillow was being smothered over his head against when he heard those words. His heart now pounding in his head like a deafening drum that was causing his entire body to start quivering. “We did everything that we could, but she sustained too much brain damage. Mr Na, your wife is what we call brain dead.” Jaemin was took in shock to react, just staring up at the doctor as he listened to the pounding in his head. “We had two senior doctors perform tests to come to this conclusion, and she failed all of the tests. Her heart is still beating, but only because she’s on a ventilator that is keeping her breathing. We can’t take her off of the ventilator until we have permission from her next of kin, which as her husband, would be you.” Jeno put his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking as he silently sobbed for you both. He had already heard this news, but it still hurt just as much hearing it again, especially as it was being told to Jaemin.

“Is she in pain?” Jaemin just wanted to know if you could feel any pain, surely if your heart was still beating and you were still breathing then you were alive, and there was hope that you could recover? “Will she ever recover?” He was still in shock, and he had no idea where the power to ask questions were coming from.

“She can’t feel anything, I can assure you that she didn’t feel any pain from the moment that this accident happened. And no, she wont ever recover. Brain death is permanent and cannot be reversed.” The doctor had a soothing voice, it was no wonder he was the one who was sent into Jaemin’s room to deliver the news.

“Okay.” Jaemin gulped, nodding his head as the news hadn’t yet sunk in. “Can I see her?”

“If you feel well enough, then yes, you may.” Doctor Park and Jeno both helped Jaemin into a wheelchair, and Jeno couldn’t help but take Jaemin’s good hand into his hand as the doctor pushed the wheelchair through the halls. He stopped in front of a closed door and slowly opened it, pushing Jaemin inside and placing him beside your bed. “I’ll leave you alone. If you have any questions, I’ll be outside.” He exited the room and shut the door gently behind him. Jaemin stared at your cut up face, pushing himself out of the wheelchair to stand up so he could get a better look at you.

“Oh.” It was looking at the big pipe going down into your mouth that made it sink in. He broke down in hard sobs when he realised the only thing keeping your heart beating for him was that tube. “Oh baby.” He reached his hand out stroked your cheek tenderly, wanting nothing more than for you to lean into his touch like you normally would, maybe even press a soft kiss to the palm of his hand. “Wake up…” He whispered, heavy tears rolling down his cheeks as he let out choked sobs that made his throat burn. “Please (Y/N)! You can’t leave me like this!” He had never felt so desperate before in his entire life. But deep down he knew that no matter how much he begged you, your delicate body couldn’t recover from this. There was a big bandage around your hair, and he could hardly recognise you from how bruise and cut up your face was. He felt his chest burn, like an invisible python was wrapping its way around him and constricting his breathing.

“Jaemin!” Jeno rushed forward and caught Jaemin just as he was about to collapse, holding his brother tight as he cried with him. “I’m so sorry, I’m so so sorry Jaemin.” He gently rocked them back and forth, mourning with Jaemin for his loss. He didn’t give a fuck that he hadn’t been told about the wedding, all he wanted was for you to be alive, so that he could see you by Jaemin’s side as his lifelong partner.

“She can’t be gone!” Jaemin shook his head, gasping for air between the sobs that fell from his lips. “I love her!” He didn’t realise what he was saying, he just wanted you to open your eyes and tell him that everything was going to be okay. Jeno held Jaemin until he calmed down, which took half an hour. He set him back in his wheelchair and wiped his cheeks for him with a tissue as he just stared at your lifeless body. Silence ensued for a long time as Jaemin tried to process everything. But he didn’t think he could ever fully process what had happened. It was ironic really. You’d fallen in love with each other so fast, only to be ripped away from each other just as fast. It had been a year of mostly ups, with hardly any downs, and Jaemin felt like he wasn’t being selfish when he very brokenly said. “A year wasn’t long enough.”

---

Jaemin didn’t want visitors. But he couldn’t find it in his heart to turn your parents away when they showed up at the door to his hospital room the day after he’d woken up. They were the closest thing he had to you now, and he knew that even though you weren’t around anymore, he would still keep them close to him for the rest of his life. The meeting was filled with tears and hugs, and they didn’t fail to mention to Jaemin that you had told them plenty of times how deeply in love with him you were. It was hard for Jaemin to hear, but he also desperately needed to hear it. They told him that your siblings had already said their goodbyes to you. They were still young and didn’t need the anguish of waiting around for Jaemin to give the doctors the go ahead to turn off your ventilators. However they both wanted to wait to be there by Jaemin’s side when it was finally time. Jaemin felt like the world was playing some kind of sick joke on him. He hadn’t even been married to you for a whole day when you were ripped away from him, and now he had to be the person that decided whether your heart stopped beating or not. He felt like it was a double-edged sword. He got to marry you, and you felt so much love on the day you stopped living that Jaemin was so happy that the marriage had happened. But on the other hand, the decision now rested on him instead of on your parents.

When the time finally came for your machines to be turned off, Jaemin made everyone say their goodbyes before him. Jeno had surprised Jaemin by bringing his grandma to the hospital for support. She was absolutely crushed, especially after she had found out that you were on the way to her house when you’d gotten into the accident. But Jaemin had just held her tight like he used to after school when he was upset about being bullied. The room emptied out when it was Jaemin’s turn, and he slowly approached the bedside he’d spent so much time by the past week that he’d been in hospital, unable to tell the doctors that it was okay to let your heart stop, he felt numb. His eyes watered like they had so much over the past week, and he took your warm hand in his own, enjoying your warmth for one last time.

“Hey baby, I don’t really know what to say to you,” He took a deep breath and lowered his forehead to rest against your own, his knuckles turning white from how hard they were clutching your hand. “I guess I should start from the beginning, although its not like you weren’t there for it all, we spent nearly every day together when we were falling in love didn’t we? Those were the best day of my life, and forever will be.” He closed his eyes as tears slowly trickled down his cheeks. ��I’ve never been loved by someone in the way you loved me, and I miss you so much. You accepted me for who I was, and I hope you know how grateful I am that you came into my life. I promised to protect you from everything, and I couldn’t, and I’m so sorry for promising you something I couldn’t keep. My heart will always belong to you, and I’m so sorry that we couldn’t do all of the things that we had planned to do. I love you so much, and I will until my heart stops beating, I just wish we had more time. You’re my world, and I love you (Y/N).” He took another deep breath and looked at the doctor through the window, giving him a nod that signified he was ready to let you go. He saw everybody looking through the window, their cheeks all wet as they watched Jaemin say goodbye to the love of his life. Jaemin couldn’t help but feel envious as he watched Jeno’s girlfriend and Renjun’s girlfriend snuggled into their chests for comfort, soft sobs falling from them as they mourned the loss of their friend. Haechan looked like a broken man. Jaemin knew that you and Haechan got along really well, and you had even spent some time with him after he went through some struggles with his girlfriend.

They all had to stay outside and watch through the window, as only family could enter the room. Your parents came into the room, but Jaemin’s grandma stayed with Haechan and held his hand. Jaemin gently placed a kiss to the back of your hand, watching as Doctor Park got prepared, gently pulling the medical tape off of your face that was helping to keep the ventilator in your mouth. Your parents cried in each other’s as Doctor Park very slowly and gently removed your breathing tube. Jaemin leaned down, leaning his forehead against your own once more as your chest stopped rising and falling, one long breath leaving your lungs as you stopped breathing. The heart monitor sped up, until it flatlined, quickly being switched off by Doctor Park to avoid anymore emotional distress for anyone. Jaemin sobbed silently, stroking your hair with his fingers on his bad arm and holding your hand tightly with his good one, as whispered to you one last time.

“I love you.”

---

Time was starting to go by as a blur for Jaemin. It had been two weeks, but today was the day you were finally laid to rest. It had been hard for him to hear everyone keep telling him that they were sorry for his loss, and he couldn’t remember much of what happened, his brain so foggy and disorientated that Jaemin didn’t even know what day of the week it was. He hadn’t bothered changing out of his suit, the same one that he’d worn to his mother’s funeral on the day that you’d met because he didn’t have it in him to go out and buy a new one. He couldn’t even imagine telling a shop assistant that he was looking for a suit because he was burying his wife. Besides, you’d always made little comments to him about how handsome he looked in that suit, and even though you were gone, he still wanted to please you. Your pillow still smelt like you, and Jaemin held it tightly in his grip as he laid on his bed, no more tears left inside of his eyes to cry, since they’d all been poured out before and during your funeral. The door opening made him look up, and he gave Jeno a hardly there smile.

“I brought you some toast, you need to eat.” He set the plate down on the bedside table and gently sat on the edge of the bed beside Jaemin. He bit his bottom lip for a moment before sighing and finally speaking his mind. “I’m so worried about you, you’ve tried to kill yourself over things a lot smaller than this, and every time I step into your room I’m scared I’ll see you hanging from the curtain poll, or in a pool of your own vomit from overdosing…Jaemin I need to know that you’re going to be okay.” Jaemin gulped and sat up, gently setting your pillow down in your empty spot and letting out a sigh as he looked at his best friend.

“Jeno, I have never in my life been more determined to live than I am right now.” A big smile broke out on Jaemin’s face, despite the tears he didn’t think he had spilling over his waterline. “Life is so precious, and (Y/N) had hers ripped away from her so fast before she even got to properly live. How could I ever take my own life away now?” Jeno felt a wash of relief rush over him, and he took Jaemin’s hand into his own, squeezing it tightly. “I don’t just live for myself now, I live for her. She’s a part of me now, and as long as my heart is still beating, her love for me is still alive.” He took a deep breath and then smiled as he looked at the picture of the two of you on his bedside table. “Her ending came too fast, but it wasn’t our ending, because our love lives on. And this will definitely will not be my ending.”

---

Okay, so this is the end of the main stories for Differences! How are we feeling? I’m so sorry by the way, I have never cried so much writing as what I did for this piece. I hope you guys enjoyed this series, but don’t worry, it’s not the end end! I still have epilogues to write for each of the boys and short stories for them. Character Asks on @jenonctcity-character-asks are open! Thank you so much for reading, I love you.

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1962dude420-blog · 4 years ago

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Today we remember the passing of Andrew Wood who died March 19, 1990 in Seattle, Washington

Andrew Patrick Wood (January 8, 1966 – March 19, 1990) was an American musician. He was the lead singer and lyricist for the alternative rock bands Malfunkshun and Mother Love Bone. Wood formed Malfunkshun in 1980 with his older brother Kevin Wood on guitar and Regan Hagar on drums. The band used alter ego personas onstage, with Wood using the name Landrew the Love Child. Though the band only had two songs released, "With Yo' Heart (Not Yo' Hands)" and "Stars-n-You", on the Deep Six compilation album, they are often cited as being among the "founding fathers" of the Seattle grunge movement. During his time in Malfunkshun, Wood started relying heavily on drugs, entering rehab in 1985.

By 1988, Malfunkshun had disbanded and Wood began jamming with Green River members Stone Gossard and Jeff Ament. They soon began writing original material and formed Mother Love Bone the same year, adding guitarist Bruce Fairweather (also a former member of Green River) and drummer Greg Gilmore to the lineup. The following year, the band signed a deal with PolyGram, issuing a six-song EP, Shine, before going on tour, supporting The Dogs D'Amour. Towards the end of the year, the band recorded their debut album, Apple, which was scheduled for release in 1990.

Due to his struggle with drug addiction, Wood checked himself into rehab in 1989, hoping to get clean for the release of Mother Love Bone's debut album. He died in Seattle on March 19, 1990 at the age of 24, after being found in a comatose state by his girlfriend following a heroin overdose.

Wood was born in Columbus, Mississippi, to David C. Wood and Toni Wood, and raised on Bainbridge Island, Washington. He was the youngest of three children; he had two older brothers, Kevin and Brian. Wood and his brothers were exposed to various types of music by their parents, who also supported their children when they were learning how to play instruments. Wood became a fan of acts such as Elton John, Queen, Aerosmith, and Kiss.

In 1980, at the age of 14, Wood formed Malfunkshun with his brother Kevin, recording their first demo tape in April 1980. Drummer Regan Hagar joined soon after with the band, playing shows in Seattle, Washington. Each member adopted onstage alter egos, with Andrew becoming Landrew the Love Child, Kevin becoming Kevinstein, and Hagar becoming Thundarr. Unlike most grunge groups in Seattle, Malfunkshun were influenced by glam rock with Wood described as "a hippie, glammed-out rock & roll god, equal parts Marc Bolan and Jim Morrison," with his look and vocal style influenced by frontmen such as Freddie Mercury, Paul Stanley, and Marc Bolan. Wood developed a drug habit at a young age, having smoked marijuana and cigarettes at the age of around 11 or 12. By 1985, he had started to rely heavily on drugs to help with his "rock star" persona, and entered rehab the same year.

Malfunkshun recorded a number of demos in 1986, two of which, "With Yo' Heart (Not Yo' Hands)" and "Stars-n-You," were included on the "legendary" Deep Six compilation album released by C/Z Records the same year. The band continued to play shows in Seattle, opening for Soundgarden, The U-Men, and Skin Yard. However, in 1988, Malfunkshun disbanded.

Although the band never released an album and were also turned down by Sub Pop for "not being grunge enough," Malfunkshun, along with Green River, are often cited as "founding fathers" of the Seattle's grunge movement.

Wood and Hagar began playing with Stone Gossard and Jeff Ament of Green River, which disbanded in 1988, performing, on occasion, as the cover band Lords of the Wasteland. Former Green River guitarist Bruce Fairweather was added to the lineup, while former 10 Minute Warning and Skin Yard drummer Greg Gilmore replaced Hagar, forming Mother Love Bone the same year.

The band soon signed a deal with PolyGram, and, through their own subsidiary label Stardog, issued a six-song EP, Shine, in 1989. John Book, of Allmusic, stated that the EP "contributed to the buzz about the Seattle music scene." The band spent the rest of the year touring, including shows supporting The Dogs D'Amour, and recording their debut album. With high expectations of the album, Wood checked himself into rehab due to his struggle with heroin addiction, hoping to get clean for the release of album, staying there for the remainder of the year.

In 1990, the band continued to play shows in Seattle, waiting for the release of their album, Apple. Wood died only weeks before the release of the record. Some rock critics consider them to be one of the greatest bands of the Grunge era

On March 16, 1990, Wood was found in a comatose state by his girlfriend, having overdosed on heroin. Wood was taken to Harborview Hospital and placed on life support. On March 19, physicians suggested that Wood be removed from life support and he was pronounced dead at 3:15 pm that day. The official cause of death recorded on Wood's death certificate is hypoxic encephalopathy. Wood's remains were cremated. His burial site is located at Miller-Woodlawn Memorial Park in Bremerton, Washington.

Apple was released posthumously later in the year, receiving positive reviews. David Browne of The New York Times wrote that "Apple may be one of the first great hard-rock records of the 90s" and that "Andrew Wood could have been the first of the big-league Seattle rock stars."

Shortly following Wood's death, former roommate and friend Chris Cornell of Soundgarden wrote two songs, "Reach Down" and "Say Hello 2 Heaven", as a tribute. Cornell approached Gossard and Ament about releasing the songs as singles before collaborating on an album. Adding drummer Matt Cameron, future Pearl Jam lead guitarist Mike McCready, and future Pearl Jam lead singer Eddie Vedder, they formed Temple of the Dog in 1990 to pay tribute to Wood, releasing one self-titled album in 1991.

In 1992, PolyGram reissued both Shine and Apple as the compilation album Mother Love Bone, while the song "Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thorns" was included on the soundtrack to the film Singles. The same year, Los Angeles band Faster Pussycat wrote the song "Mr. Lovedog", from the album Whipped!, in tribute to Wood. Bradley Torreano of Allmusic stated that the song "offered a sad elegy to another charismatic figure in the metal world."

Seattle rock band War Babies, which briefly featured Mother Love Bone's Jeff Ament on bass, dedicated the song "Blue Tomorrow" off their eponymous 1992 debut album to Wood. In 1993, Seattle post-grunge band Candlebox released their self-titled debut featuring the single "Far Behind", which was written in Wood's memory.

Wood's former bandmate Stone Gossard compiled Malfunkshun recordings from 1986 to 1987 and released the studio album Return to Olympus through his Loosegroove Records label in 1995. In 2005, director Scot Barbour completed production on the documentary Malfunkshun: The Andrew Wood Story. The film documents Wood's music career as well as his family background. The film premiered at the Seattle International Film Festival. In October of the same year, the film was screened at the FAIF Film Festival in Hollywood, California. The film was released in 2011 on DVD as part of a 2CD+DVD set entitled "Malfunkshun: The Andrew Wood Story" including the Return to Olympus album, a bonus CD including many interviews and demos, and the movie on the DVD disc.

In 2011, the album Melodies & Dreams was released. It featured unreleased songs and demos that Wood recorded throughout his life, including a song that he recorded with Chris Cornell, "Island of Summer", which is the only existing recording with the two of them singing together. Wood is featured in the 2011 documentary Pearl Jam Twenty, about the story of Pearl Jam. Friends including Chris Cornell, Jeff Ament and Stone Gossard talk about him in the film and home-made footage featuring Wood is shown.

#march 19 #1990 #andrew wood #mother love bone #malfunkshun

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momentsuspended-intime · 3 years ago

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Finding light in the darkness.

*Trigger warning* This post mentions suicide, overdosing, crisis team, alcohol, drug abuse, and other scenarios people may find triggering or offensive. Please proceed with caution.

Don’t be afraid of change, it is leading you to a new beginning. The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow. Every day is a new beginning. Take a deep breath and start again.

Sitting in my living room, empty boxes of codeine surrounding me, this is it I thought, all the pain was going to end. Finally.

I texted my ex, I messaged my friends, all saying goodbye and how sorry I was for causing so much turmoil. I felt broken and defeated, I just wanted it all to stop. My head was racing, I just wanted all these thoughts to stop going round and round my head, was a little peace too much to ask for? Suddenly my Mum entered the room her face was pale. “What have you done?!” she cried, tears streaming down her face. All I could do was look at her and apologise, I had a momentary lapse where I hadn’t considered my next steps. One of my friends had messaged my Mum in a panic; my ex was on the phone, I could hear him crying but I just felt numb.

My Dad then raced into the room “Why would you do this, Victoria?” “Not my baby, please no” Those words will haunt me for the rest of my life. I can count on one hand how many times I’ve seen my Dad cry, but this was different. In that moment I thought “had I made a mistake?” but I still felt numb. Maybe it was the 60 codeine tablets I took or the adrenaline pumping through my body but all I felt was nothing. It had been like that for weeks now. This empty feeling inside me, like a black hole, sucking out every little piece of love and emotions I had. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder, but I’ll get to that later.

Suddenly I was in the back of an ambulance, ECG hooked up to my body, and I’d spend hours in the hospital, being seen by different Doctors and Mental Health Nurses. My parents were pushing to having me committed. The hospital didn’t do anything; they sent me home and in less than 24 hours I’d be back in the hospital after a second failed attempt at taking my own life. 120 codeine tablets in total over 24 hours. Thank god I’m alive writing this now. I’m not a religious person but I must have someone looking down on me, keeping me safe.

You might be wondering how I got to this point, you see I’ve always known something wasn’t quite right, I could never put my finger on it but I never felt ‘normal’. Whatever normal is anyway. My head had always been a chaotic place for as long as I can remember, I always felt things so intensely, but that was normal right? I never knew any better. I would say goodbye to my ex after a lovely weekend together (he was in the RAF so I only got to see him on weekends) and I would have been crying hysterically, like he was being deployed for 6 months but in reality I’d be seeing him again in 5 days time. Minutes later in my car with music blaring I’d be singing and dancing along to the radio, like the previous few moments never happened. Something that would annoy the average person would make me fly into a fit of rage; my family described it as like walking on eggshells when they were around me. Too scared to say certain things out of fear of how I would react.

Anyway I’m digressing here, but the point is I always knew something wasn’t right with me. So what happened to make me feel so low? I had a week from hell. I’d been fired from my job by e-mail, basically told not to come in the following Monday. I was heartbroken, I was a photographer for a Cigar and Whiskey company, and I’d studied Photography at University. I could do that job in my sleep but that e-mail hit me like a tone of bricks. Later that week I would find out that my Nan had stage 5 terminal kidney disease and a couple days later my boyfriend of 3 and a half years would break my heart. It was traumatic, we’d spent 4 lovely days together and on the Sunday he woke up, looked at me and ended it. Just like that. I still remember the stabbing sensation in my stomach when I instantly knew something was wrong. An hour later I was driving 4 hours back from Buckinghamshire, crying my eyes out, reality had not yet set in and I couldn’t believe this was really happening. I still remember hearing Lizzo on the radio “If he don’t love you anymore, just walk yo’ fine ass out the door”. How ironic.

The day after my stint in the hospital I find myself sat in a room at the Crisis Centre on Northgate Street, waiting to be seen by a Psychiatrist and Mental Health Nurse to discuss what needs to be done. I’m angry, exhausted, confused and want anything but help. One of the Mental Health Nurses looks at me and says, “If you’re going to kill yourself, you’re going to do it anyway”. That was it, I went super saiyan, how dare he say that to me! These people are supposed to be here to help me, I know I didn’t want help at that point but how could someone in authority whose profession it is to support and care for those in a crisis say something so repulsive? That would be one of many unsavoury experiences I’d have with the Mental Health services.

After finally speaking to the manager (I promise I’m not a Karen), we all agreed that at home treatment would be best for my situation and me. Over the next few weeks I would be seen by the Crisis team every day. Every damn day I would have to explain in intricate detail what had happened and how we got to this point. You see with the Crisis team you don’t see the same person every day, they’re all on shifts, so each visit I would meet someone new and be expected to open up to a complete stranger about how I was feeling. When in a crisis a person needs consistency, the chance to build a rapport with someone and to feel like they’re being listened to. Not judged for being in the position I found myself in.

After many visits with a Psychiatrist and members of the Crisis team they came to a conclusion, I didn’t realise just how life changing this revelation would be. I had Borderline Personality Disorder. Suddenly everything fell into place; intense and unstable emotions? Check. Feeling empty and angry? Check. Impulsivity? Check. In total there’s 9 different symptoms for BPD (I’ll cover this in a future post), and I had all 9.

If you’re wondering what Borderline Personality Disorder is exactly then let me give you a brief outline, of course this is one of the most misunderstood and often stigmatised mental health issue a person can have. In simple terms BPD is a condition that affects how you think, feel and interact with other people. People with BPD experience a pervasive pattern of instability, both in the way they view themselves and with interpersonal relationships.

BPD isn’t a fad, it isn’t quirky, it can be soul destroying and it almost cost me my life. Experiencing a break up, losing a job and finding out a loved one is ill was just too much. Just one of those things can cause someone with BPD to lose control, they say things come in threes and for me it was true. To a ‘normal’ person a break up is hard, unless you’re lucky enough to part ways as friends, for me it felt like someone had died. That might sound dramatic but it was true, I didn’t realise but my ex was my FP (favourite person). People with BPD often have a FP, someone they rely on and put on a pedestal, and this person can do no wrong. My problem is my FP broke my heart.

Now don’t get me wrong I know it takes two to tango, I wasn’t a saint but in my defence I didn’t realise I was ill. I was moody, never wanted to spend time with his family, argued over every little thing and I wanted him all to myself. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was obsessed.

I spent the next two weeks at a friend’s house, drinking and getting high. My head was a mess, thoughts racing; I just wanted a moment of calm. I thought I was making myself feel better, trying to forget all the chaos going on in my life but I was just making everything worse. I wasn’t facing these problems head on, I was masking them and I didn’t realise it but things were about to erupt.

During this time I was a train wreck, I was drinking at every moment I could. Taking the dog out so I could nip to the shops and down a bottle or two of Lambrini in the park (how classy, right?). My problem was during this time drinking would make me disassociate; I’d become violent and angry. At one point I found myself in the back of a police van, but I’m not ready to talk about that yet.

I had reached rock bottom, my family stood by me, and god knows why- I gave them every opportunity to disown me and kick me out of the house but they never did and for that I am eternally grateful. I knew something had to change, I HAD to change. I couldn’t keep going on living like this, surly there’s more to life than this?

I decided I would quit drinking and get my life back on track. I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but anything worth having in life isn’t. I decided to try and raise money for NSFT (Norfolk and Suffolk Foundation Trust), at this point I had been discharged by the Crisis team and I was now in the hands of NSFT. This is when I met Allison, my Mental Health Nurse and things finally started to change for the better.

I started cycling 30 miles every day, I reached over 500 miles but due to health reasons I had stop. It’s my aim to re-start my little goal and hopefully add to the £250 I’ve raised so far. I started engaging with NSFT; I had weekly meetings with my MH Nurse, Allison and went to Recovery College, learning ways to cope with my diagnosis and my recovery.

During this time I started feeling better, I was given a cocktail of medications such as antipsychotics and anti-depressants and slowly the real me was starting to come out.

2 years on I feel like a completely different person. I’ve rebuilt my relationship with my family; I’m one year sober and living in a beautiful new house. Treatment, medication and personal growth have changed me. Just yesterday my Sister was saying she could finally see the real me, the one that had always been there but just needed some nurturing (and treatment) to help shine through.

I’ve made many mistakes in life, I’m sure you’ll hear more about these in future posts but I decided I wanted to give back and use my experiences to help other people. You see I’ve always felt lost, like I never knew who I was as a person or what I wanted to do in life but I’ve finally found my calling. Last November I enrolled on a course and now I’m studying to become a Mental Health Nurse myself.

During my recovery I found that talking to someone who has lived experience of mental health issues utterly valuable. They understand you in a way no one else does, you have this shared connection. So I decided I wanted to take my lived experience, mistakes I’ve made, everything I’ve learnt over the past two years and try to help someone else that’s going through a Crisis.

I started volunteering at a Mental Health Charity called Together, working with the service users to offer them some support and it gave me a real taste of how it would be to work as a Mental Health Nurse and help someone who really needed it. Unfortunately lockdown hit and I had to stop volunteering.

I’m still working on my online course and hopefully by the end of the year I’ll be a Peer Support Worker and from there I’ll be able to join a course to specialise in Mental Health Nursing. For the first time in my life I have a plan.

What happened to that angry girl, who was moody all the time and argued over every little thing? I can say proudly that she no longer exists. Now I’m confident, happy and feel motivated to get as much out of life as possible. I’ve even started dating again! I’ll occasionally feel my mood flip quite quickly but I’m better at managing it now. Like any other illness you learn to live with it, this time though I’m not letting my diagnosis define me.

My relationship with my family has never been better, of course it’s not easy to forgive and there’s some things you can’t forget but my family have never held the things I’ve done against me. The past two years have been really tough but I’ve learnt a lot about myself as a person and the type of person I want to be. It hasn’t been easy writing this blog post, I wanted to give an honest and raw account of what it’s like to experience the darkest point of your life and what it’s like to rebuild from the ground up.

If you’re experiencing a hard time just know my inbox is always open, you’re not in this alone and I promise you things will get better.

Until next time.

Victoria Jane x

#BPD #borderline personality traits #borderline personality #mental health #bpdwarrior #tw suicice #trigger warning #it gets better #one step at a time #personal post #mental health blog

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prophecy-is-inevitable · 4 years ago

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Tourniquet - Part 1

Jim Mason x Named Reader/OC

(Jim is in his 20s on this fic. I know most people prefer Y/N or second person, but this one is hard for me to write and hits very close to home, so I gave the reader a name in order for me to feel some distance when writing. It also didn't feel right to wish any of these feelings on "you". Adding it under a Read More because of the possible triggers.)

Summary: While in an appalling rehab hospital, Jim sees another person struggling to deal with life, emotions, and the crushing desire to leave it all behind. She ends up adding a little spark of excitement to his usually mundane day and drawing his interest.

Word Count: 1, 888 (is a baby intro chappy!)

Warnings: SO. MANY. WARNINGS. Please heed the warnings, loves, and don’t read if anything will upset you or make you uncomfortable. If I have missed anything, please let me know so I can add it as soon as possible. Thank you!

Angst, Poor Medical Practices, Rehab Setting, Trauma, Drug Use, Drug Overdose, Withdrawal Symptoms, Suicidal Thoughts, Attempted Suicide, Severe Depression, Self-Harm, Scars, Language, Violence.

Tourniquet - a device which applies pressure to a limb or extremity in order to limit – but not stop – the flow of blood. It may be used in emergencies, in surgery, or in post-operative rehabilitation.

It had been a while since he’d been brought to this place. The plain walls and terribly uncomfortable cot of his room greeted him day after day. Jim had lost count of how many days that had been. He remembered there were at least a couple days where Medina had come to visit and wished him a happy birthday. It should have been a day for them to celebrate together, and instead she was here with him in this awful place.

“I’m so sorry, Medina,” he would whisper as they laid on his cot together, nearly nose to nose. A slight burning sensation tickled his nose every time, but his eyes were too tired to release any more tears. He simply stared at his twin, or through her more like, and let the guilt eat him inside.

“Jim, it’s okay. Don’t be sorry. There’s nowhere I’d rather be than with you. You’re my best friend, my other half. It’s just you and me, remember?” Medina always pulled him close and whispered comforting words to try and quell the storm inside of him. It just made him hate himself more. She should have been outside, free and living her life, enjoying the waves she loved so much. Of course, that wasn’t something he would ever share with his loving sister. He didn’t know what he would do without her.

Jim was just...confused. His best memories of the place were the days Medina would visit. She would bring magazines and articles on surfing or the places they had talked about visiting someday. Envisioning a life beyond this mundane and monotonous existence always brought him a fleeting joy, but that feeling always left with his sister. It was exhausting to have his emotions swinging back and forth inside of him like a tangled yo-yo. He wanted to see her, to feel happy for even the smallest moment, but was it worth the inevitable and painful crash that followed? The guilt that he was holding his sister back and the fear that she resented him?

“Perhaps we should limit your sister’s visits. We could see if that helps improve your mental state.” The doctor had made the suggestion one day after one of Jim’s episodes following Medina stopping by. He’d bruised his hand and nearly punched a hole in the wall in his frustration as he’d spiraled once again. Jim did not take the suggestion well. Orderlies were called in to restrain him while he cursed out the doctor, screaming that his sister “was all he had left”, and he’d been put under heavy sedation for at least a day until his mind and body were too numb to fight back anymore.

Rehab. A place where he was meant to heal and recover and lose his dependency on drugs and stolen medication. All he found was that they used his problems to load him up with all new drugs and all new problems. Most of his day was spent laying in the same spot on his cot, as close to the wall as possible, and counting the flecks of dirt that had gotten stuck in the paint on the wall. He found it hard to sleep after the episodes requiring sedation. His hands trembled and his heart raced. More often than not, his nights consisted of pacing the short distance of his room and clutched his chest in fear that his heart would burst through his ribcage. He couldn’t breathe and swore he was suffocating, panicking, crying for someone--anyone--to help him and make it stop. Please!

It was a day like any other the first time he saw her. They’d forced him into the common room where some patients played games together or watched whatever sitcom rerun showed on the shitty cable tv. Jim sat by the window, tired, empty eyes staring at the palm leaves swaying in the breeze as he dreamed of the ocean waves he’d surfed with Medina. He wondered if she was out there at that exact moment. His thoughts were interrupted by an unusual silence filling the room. Everyone turned to look at the doorway where a nurse was giving a tour to a slightly smaller young woman. Her hair curtained her face as she stood with her arms wrapped tightly around her middle. A sense of holding the shattering pieces of herself together, most likely. Not once did she look up to see who else was stuck in this place with her.

Jim didn’t blame her. Most of them came and went, only to come back again if they didn’t manage to find the eternal freedom they all chased at some point. Jim knew the mark of defeat she wore so obviously; it was identical to his and everyone else that was forced to be here. “Danger to themselves or others” they called them. Her shoulders tugged her upper body down to the ground, her steps slow and aimless as she shuffled over to sit at the far end of the window. Her legs tucked up to her chest and she shrank into the chair in an attempt to disappear. Jim’s eyes widened at the slow droplets of tears slipping down her cheeks. The dark circles beneath her eyes mirrored his own. She was sedated, too. He wondered what had happened to her, why she was here, and then he noticed the thick gauze bandages wrapped around her wrists. Oh.

Her eyes caught his staring at her forearms, and she quickly tugged the sleeves of her sweater down. He couldn’t tell if the look in her glassy eyes was hurt, embarrassment, or anger. Maybe all of the above. She wasn’t sure either. She curled in on herself and turned sideways to rest her forehead against the window. Her chest rose and fell with the jagged breaths she tried and failed to control. Jim forced his gaze back to the world outside, but the quiet sniffles from the armchair a few rows away brought his eyes back to her. She looked tired. So tired.

And she felt tired. So tired. It hurt to feel her heart beating. Each miserable thump inside of her chest continued to pump blood and forced her to keep breathing when all she wanted was for it to stop. Why couldn’t it just stop?! A soft sob parted her lips, and her distress only made her heart beat stronger. There was no more room for her to hide within herself. The muscles in her body shook for exhaustion and the effort she put into trying to will her body into an implosion. Weren’t the meds supposed to help them feel better? Now the guy across the room was staring at her like he didn’t have the same dead eyes and weight inside his soul. Asshole. Fuck him and his gorgeous crystal eyes that shone like the ocean in the sun.

One of the other patients that had been playing cards came over and sat down in the chair next to her. Her eyes remained glued to the outside, and that didn’t seem to sit well with her visitor. He wanted to know her name, why she was so sad, why she was there. Jim knew the guy, Harry, meant well, but he just didn’t know when to leave things alone and call it quits. It wasn’t going to end well for Harry. You never made someone already on edge feel interrogated and pressured. The biggest mistake came when he reached for her arm to see the bandages peeking out from under her sleeves. She jumped up quickly, ripping her arm out of his grasp, and cradled her arm protectively against her chest again.

“Don’t you fucking touch me!” Her scream filled the room, and she let loose a right hook that landed on his nose.

“Oh, shit!” Jim’s eyes widened in surprise and an unusually bright smile lit up his face. The crunch of bone on bone let anyone within earshot know the guy’s nose was broken. He crumpled to the floor with a cry, holding a hand to his bleeding face, while she stood and panted over him with panicked eyes. A nurse rushed over quickly and looked between them, and two orderlies came running in. one of them bent to help Harry while the other held the girl firmly by her shoulders to keep her back.

“Samantha! What did you do?” The nurse glared at the young woman, Samantha, who opened and closed her mouth while trying to calm herself enough to form words in her defense. Her arms were wrapped around her middle again, and Jim could see her nails digging into her palms from where he sat. Large, fearful tears trickled down her cheeks as she looked up with wide eyes at the nurse towering over her.

“Harry grabbed her arm. She was just defending herself--I saw it. It looked like it hurt a lot.” Jim decided to help her out. Seeing her knock Harry on his ass had been the best thing he’d seen in months, if not years, and he still had a lazy smirk on his face from replaying it over in his head. Samantha stared at him in confusion. He had no reason to defend her, and yet here he was, trying to get her out of trouble. There had to be some ulterior motive, and that made him dangerous. She shrank back against the burly orderly holding her upper arms, even more so when the nurse reached forward and pulled her hand to move her sleeve up. Small patches of red had begun to blossom on the gauze, and the nurse sighed.

“Thank you, Jim.” The nurse nodded at him and quickly turned her attention back to the girl before her. One orderly was already taking Harry to get cleaned up and away from everyone else. “Come on, Samantha. Let’s get you looked at. You know you won’t be allowed to socialize with others if you can’t control your outbursts.”

“What a fucking loss,” she muttered under her breath.

“Samantha! Language!”

They walked past Jim, and he watched her go. Her eyes were trained on her slippers until she stepped next to him and gave him a sideways glance through her hair. He smiled softly only to be met with a teary glare. Jim lifted his hand in a weak attempt at a salutation. Samantha’s brow furrowed and she quickly turned away. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she owed him for stepping in on her behalf. The orderly pushed her forward and broke their eye contact.

Jim wondered when he would see Samantha again, if she was going to be punished. Samantha hoped she didn’t have to see Jim’s blue tourmaline eyes peering into her ever again. It felt like he could unravel her from the inside out, and she didn’t need any help in that department. She glanced back at him once to see that he was back to looking out window, tired, empty eyes staring at the palm leaves swaying in the breeze as he dreamed of the ocean waves he’d surfed with Medina.

------------------

This one is a bit different and not for Michael. If you’d like to be removed from the taglist for this fic, please let me know!

@guiltyfiend @drasangel @michaellangdonstanaccount @jimmlangdon

#PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS #Jim Mason #Jim Mason Fanfiction #The Tribes of Palos Verdes #My fics #This hit hard and I cried a lot writing this so I'm sorry if it sucks #Jim Mason x Reader #Jim Mason x OC #Felt good to write it out though so yay for self-indulgent angst?#Why yes this fic is titled after my favorite Evanescence song #Listening to Dear Agony by Breaking Benjamin while writing this both helped and hurt tremendously

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