#YEAHHH CHOP HIS ASS UP

[blackkatdraws]

YEAHH GET HIM!

...perhaps it's for the best that I wasn't invited to the narrator tournament.

[[featuring @blackkatdraws, @vellichorom, and @tsp-narrator-ask!]]

[icarusredwings]

Thinking about married poolverine at the x mansion for the Christmas parties.

I like to think that even after he's quit drinking and is older, Wade lets him sit around the mansion and drink a shit ton of egg nog and just.. chill. Wade won't let anyone ask him to do anything except.. what he didn't know.. is that he signed logan up to be santa for the younger kids, and he's definitely dressed as Mrs. Clause, a wig, heels, red and white fluffy skirt, everything.

"You want me to wear what??"

"Oh, come on its for the kids peanut! Besides... ill repay you later~"

"Wade, these kids are like 12 theyre not gonna-....fine"

By the adult party runs around and the kids under 21 are forced off into their rooms, morph kurt and logan are lounging on the couch trying to sing a german carol after busting out the GOOD Alchool but Kurt forgets half of it so its just the three of them mummbling nonsense and wade thinks its the cutest most humble thing he's ever seen Logan do. Just.. a guy being a guy with his friends. And he's so happy. Soooo happy to finally have them back. Even if these aren't HIS x men, he's missed this so bad. Later he will cry because he misses HIS x men but for now? Let him be not sober and forget about that.

"Alright santa. I think its time for bed." Wade says, still in his Mrs. Clause outfit, trying to tug Logans arm up.

"Aye! Get offa me! My husband will kill you!" He throws a fit and backs away, into kurt who's tail flickers and gives her a dirty look. Who does this woman think she is?? Trying to make his friend commit adultery???

Wade pauses, then giggles, realizing just how much makeup he had on right now. He's utterly estatic that Logan won't come with him. It's only really morph whos confused because that's obviously Wade. You would think the guy could smell his own husband right?? Yeahhh... not like this.

"Teehee and that right there is why it's bedtime, peanut." He says, hoping itll spark a few plugs but logan only does the Loading cat face, tilting his head. His face is red from the alchool and the santa make up.

"Don't call me that!" He whines.

Wade rolls his eyes, smiling. "Baby, come on. You're tired." He says in that special voice. The one that leads Logan down to earth when his anger is the only thing he can see when he forgets who he is, when he's having his PTSD attacks.

"... I am?"

"Yes. Now come on. Time for bed."

Kurt whispers not to be tempted by her in his ear, and it's back to square one. It takes Remy interfereing by telling Kurt that this "devil woman" IS Logan's husband and that it's okay.

The whole thing is a mess, and it has Rouge giggling her ass off, hugging her brother as his tail flickers still.

"Ooh!! You big buzz ball! Always lookin afta folks aint ya?" She tells him, squeezing him enough to make him wheeze. "Careful cher, Gambit thinks he wants his ribs attached."

"Nonsense! A lil roughhousin nevah killed nobody!!"

You just see him trying to take Wade to their room and Logan does the little slap at his arms and is like "I can walk by myself lady! Jeez!! ..... wheres my husband? Im gonna tell on you!!"

"I AM your husband." Wade says, finally taking off the wig and caressing his chop the way he usually does. Logan's eyes squint, his eyebrows burrowing together before dilating, and Wade can swear he heard his heart beat quicken.

Laura gags.

"....'sup" he says, pulling him closer with a big idiotic grin.

Wade squeals, now trying to push him away. "Eww!! Never say that again!" He giggles. "You big lud! Bedtime!"

It's the absolute sweetest thing anyone ever witnessed, and it makes Jean happy too to know someone did infact take the big bad putty tat home. Finally-

This is how I want every teacher au Christmas fic to go you understand me? No sentinal drama. No worries. Maayyybbee Magneto if he behaves.

Just let this man be HAPPY for once.

[s1urpjuic3]

Quaint Rant

There's a couple characters that no one can convince me weren't gay, aka my gay OTPs (In no particular order)

Jonathan Joestar & Dio Brando

What evidence even is there otherwise??? Even after everything, JJ literally DIED with Dio in his arms. If that's not gay, then i'm not straight; gosh darn it. Like Yeahhh, he had a kid; but you can just chop it up to him being a gentleman.

Jotaro Kujo & Kakyoin

Once again; where is the evidence that proves otherwise? Only reason that Joot got married, is cause Kakyoin died.

L & Light

I don't think that L or Light showed any real interest with any female character in the entire series. They were obsessed with each other. Likeeee ik Light got off to the thought of killing L. And the handcuffs?? Just LIES so they can do kinky shit without them being questioned.

Naruto Uzimaki & Fucking Sasuke Uchiha

Probably the biggest sell of this decade, tbh. Once again, Sasuke showed no real interest in any female in the show, and lets be honest, Naruto showed more interest in Sasuke than he ever did to Sakura. They loved each other so deeply and unconditionally it's impossible to think that they have a straight bone in their body. To anyone who thinks chasing after a man for basically his entire childhood+teen years is straight...stop living in denial and let the Sasunaru light embrace you. I think I saw somewhere on an Wattpad comment (So it's probably wrong lmao) that the show was supposed to end with them getting married but they couldn't because of the studio. L. To me they're the only 2 that make sense. THEY LITERALLY KISSED TWICE.

They were gay for each other, cry about it.

Shizuo & Izaya

Love hate relationship to the max! They def fucked on rainy days. If you really a Durarara faithful, yk it's wayyy to much sexual tension between them for them to be straight.

That's all I can think of for now. Might make a pt. 2 if I can pull some more out my ass.

[sleepdeprivedsimp234]

YEAHHH IM GLAD YOU LIKED THEM!! allow me to send more your way: minne makes sure that tex wears sunscreen even though tex is convinced he doesn’t need it. he holds him hostage and gently and carefully puts it on his face before texas gives in and does the rest himself (unless he just lets minne do it). with minne being the “north star state” and tex being “the lone star state” there is no way they don’t have matching jewelry or knickknacks with star symbols on them (i believe when they get married they have stars on their rings). i think minne is easy to wake once asleep so texas is always very careful not to wake him, and the other way texas works hard and needs good sleep so minne makes sure to keep him comfortable and happy before bed, sometimes petting or massaging him to put him back to sleep if he didn’t get “enough” in his opinion. minnesota lock screen is him and tex and tex’s home screen is minnesota. if youre a austin separate truther like me, austin is babied and spoiled the shit out of by his dads (austin is also super happy that his dad found someone who is gentle, kind, and deeply values his dads happiness and comfort, he’s had it hard and now he gets to know peace and love and he loves to see texas really truly happy). texas teaches minne to ride a horse. texas watches intently as minne chops wood or throws axes. they go hunting together, maybe in the box one or both of them fall asleep. they go to the state fair together and they win each other prizes. i hope this helps your addiction! ^^

DEVOURED IM DEVOURING THIS THESE ARE AMAZING

I’m just picturing Minne holding Texas in a bear hug and trying to put sunscreen in him meanwhile Texas is squirming like his life depends on it 💀🙏 and then at one point, Texas just. Gives up squirming. And then Minne randomly says "You done yet?"

Them having matching star/star-related accessories is so fuckin adorable istg <3

TEXAS WOULD BE SO DAMN QUIET IN THE MORNINGS cuz he always wakes up first at the ass crack of dawn and he knows that Minne is a light sleeper

^minne always makes it a point to make sure that Texas is so comfy that he won’t get up in the morning and so that he sleeps longer. Hair pets, back massages, and blankets usually works.

They have lock screens of each other,…. Awwwwwwww 😭❤️🩷

Austin (and probably a few other cities) will get absolutely SPOILED by both parents. Texas more so. I have slightly angst reasonings for that :3

(^so basically Texas does basically anything his kids want cuz he wants them to be happy and have a better childhood/adulthood than he did with Mexico)

^Austin and the other kiddos are definitely happy that their Mama (they call him Mama okay-) found someone that’s kind and loving and caring <3

Texas teaches Minne how to ride a horse AND he actually teaches him some trickriding stuff since Minne seemed to be the first person he’s met that was interested in learning a bit.

Texas stares VERY respectfully and VERY heterosexually whenever Minne is chopping wood. Even more so whenever Minne isn’t wearing a shirt. Definitely. Very respectfully.

I personally think that Minne would be the one to hunt, and Texas would be the one to clean the meat and cook it

[vallentinerry]

Morning At The Styles

Hohohoho!! CHRISTMAS IS IN 2 DAYS?? This will be my last post for now then maybe after Christmas or at January ill post the CEO!H fics :)) 

ooh and btw if you didn’t know my wattpad is @scrawny_mf and I post faster there but yeahhh MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE I HOPE YOU ALL FOUND YOUR SUGAR DADDYS AND RECIEVED AS MANY 1D GIFTS YOU CAN I LOVE YOU VERY VERY VERY MUCH *hugs*

River (M) - 17, Dionne (M) - 14, Lovella (F) - 12, Astrid (M) - 10, Athalia (F) - 10

WARNING: body image issues

What a morning in the Styles household is like. 

wordcount: 2k+

[boxer!h masterlist]

5:00 AM

"Harry I appreciate your kisses but I'm this fucking close to punching you in the dick." you warn irritated with your husband waking you up.

"Your favorite feature of me is my dick, please don't bullshit me y/n. Now up you go, we have to live till we're 100 to see if we'll be killed by robots. Come on baby." He says still hovering over you, pressing kisses on your face.

"I hate you so much." you groan placing your head to his shoulder, nuzzling into him.

"You'll thank me later." He gives you one last peck and gets off of you only to pull you up by your hands.

"I'm so tired, H." you sigh standing up from the cozy bed.

"Hm? Talk to me darling." He softly speaks, carrying the chair for you to sit on while he prepares your cleansing wash and workout clothes.

"Work's been draining me lately, just feel tired. I don't feel the passion as much anymore and that makes me sad. Feels like I'm just surviving and not enjoying." You rant sleepily, words muffled by the water as you wash your face.

Harry's younger sister, Stevie is a physical therapist while her twin brother-- Ally is an orthopedic surgeon. When they finished their residency, you created a clinic to work with them and with running the clinic as well as being the head nurse sometimes it can get a little overwhelming.

"Do you need to take a mental health break, love?" You always loved how Harry always valued your mental health.

"No, not yet, 'm just excited for Saturday already." You sigh, putting on your leggings. "Thanks for the outfit choice, bub."

Harry cheekily smiled, he liked dressing you up. "I'm amazing, aren't I?"

"Harry junior is better though, 'm just saying." you tease referring to his cock.

"I thought we agreed on naming her Bowie?"

"Isn't Bowie your left ass cheek?"

"No that's Zeppelin!"

"Um, Harry you named my left boob Zeppelin."

"Wha- No I didn--" His voice were cut off by the sound of the door knocking.

"This argument is not finished mister." you teasingly scold and you watched him exaggeratedly sigh, walking in front of you for a short make out-sesh.

Pushing you against the doorway of the bathroom, you moaned— wrapping your arms around his neck, pushing him closer to your mouth. His hands were situated on your waist, occasionally going lower to grope your butt and rub on your hip bone. "Jump." he mumbles on your mouth.

You heavily sigh in response, jumping up to press your crotch against his lower abdomen. "Fuck, 'm filthy girl getting me hard. Oh fuck--" his voice was cut off when you started sucking hickeys on the curve of his throat.

"Ma! Pa! Let's go! Chop chop on that liver!" You hear Lovella shout at the door pounding more.

"God, she's becoming more like Niall everyday." Harry groans breathing heavily on your shoulder.

"Oh my god please don't say that. You act like Niall hasn't had a threesome with us—"

"Ma! Pa! I'm a busy woman! Time is gold!"

~

You watch in amusement at all of your kids. With River barely awake, lifting weights in skinny jeans— that his father approved of. Dionne was barely breathing as Harry was teaching him how to spar. And you were currently teaching Lovella a good workout for her as she has been obsessed with how she looked recently.

You swore the moment she cried to you saying that she felt insecure of how she looked like it made your heart drop. But you knew that was normal, hell— Harry is the most beautiful person you knew and you would often see him staring at the mirror looking at his tummy with a pout and glossy eyes. So you asked your nutritionist friends on how to lose weight healthily, and what's appropriate for her age.

You were just happy when you saw the small glint in her eyes when she saw the workouts working for with her body.

"I don't get how papa does this as his job. Like who wants to go to the gym willingly."

"Lovella Celestina, I better not hear you talking bad about me or I swear I will twerk on your face everyday as your morning wake up call." He says with a cheeky smile, body all sweaty from .

"Papà, per favore non comportarti come se avessi qualcosa con cui twerkare per cominciare." (Pa, please don't act like you have something to twerk with to begin with) She rolls her eyes grunting a little from the treadmill.

"Lulu!" Harry's jaw slacks while River's eyes snap open to let a small smile dance on his lips while Dee just cackles loudly, covering his mouth instantly. "Baby, is "my ass is bigger than yours" a good comeback to my 11 year old child?" He whispers to you.

~

7:00

Still in your sweaty workout clothes, you were stood at the counter while Harry and the three big kids got themselves ready.

"Mummy, you wanna hear about a little song I made about Astrid's dead parrot?" She asks you with her sat in the counter and eating the remains of their bento boxes you were making for their lunches.

"Of course." you smile as she clapped her hands and big apple cheeks and dimples present. She jumps down the counter and places her Ellie the Elephant that was hand me down by Lulu and got ready to do her dance and song. "Aw Lia."

She clears her throat, eyes all shiny before she starts singing the song. "RIP that parrot aye. RIP that parrot aye--"

"Oh wow! Where did you get that baby?" you felt tears at the back of your eyes. No, you weren't gonna laugh on your god forsaken child's performance. Stop it, Y/N.

"Didi (Dionne) told me that song was vintage so I wanted to make it a little modern." she says confidently.

"Ma, she's joking with you. We know its "RIP that pu--"

"¡Ni siquiera hables! ¡Dionne te matará!" (Don't even speak! Dionne will kill you!) Athalia immediately springs up from her seat and covers her twins' mouth.

"Va te faire foutre." (kiss my ass) Astrid rolls his eyes and scrolls through his vinyl collection to play something.

"Dovevi parlare in spagnolo, scemo--" (You were supposed to speak in spanish, dummy. ) She whisper shouts while Astrid only shrugs and plays the song.

"This one is for the boys with the booming system—"

"Questa è la terza volta che suoni quella dannata canzone, Astrid. Giro. Esso. Spento." (This is the third time you played the damn song, Astrid. Turn. It. Off.) River storms down the stairs with a towel on his hips, and scolds his younger brother with a stern tone.

Astrid only hums, strumming the first chord of his bass guitar.

River only huffs, grabbing Holiday and storming back to his room. He's definitely going to write Astrid in his burn book. Meanwhile, Dionne was dancing to the song and perfectly rapping every line.

+ , +

~

"River, farò tardi! Puoi svegliarti?! Gesù Cristo, ho un test di chimica oggi!" (River, I'm gonna be late! Can you wake up?! Jesus Christ I have a chemistry test today!" Dionne shakes his brother frantically.

Dionne grunted in frustation. Who takes a bath then goes back to bed without putting his clothes back on, at a school morning?! Oh, he was frustrated. He absolutely hated being late, it makes him feel anxious.

"I'm tired and it's winter." River groans out and rolls out of bed with no clothing on.

"Non ho bisogno di vedere il tuo cazzo, ora andiamo." (I don't need to see your dick, now let's go.) You can only imagine the first time Dionne saw his brother naked.

"Sembri mamma, Dee plus t's liberating." (You're sounding like mama, Dee.) River cheekily smirks. Buttoning his button up, and fixing the sleeves of his sweater he sighed.

He just wanted to sleep for fucks sake. He absolutely hated that Dionne was always so uptight. River was never really one to take anything seriously, and just wanted to do whatever made him happy.

Dionne didn't exactly agree with his brother. He wanted everything to be perfect, he depended his value as a person on his grades and praise. He never really cared about his happiness, he just wanted to be the best at everything.

"You're so annoying." Dionne only huffs, trudging down the stairs to prepare the cupcakes he made. It was Freya's birthday today. She was the prettiest girl in school—well for him she is. She is one of the ballet dancers in school, she is Uncle Zayn's second daughter. The first time he saw her, he was so fascinated with the way she twirled around in her pink tutu.

River always said that if you feel like you and that person are the only person in the room, even though you're not then they're the one. Dionne absolutely felt that but romance wasn't really his specialty, it was more of River's. And he always envied that.

"These looks dannatamente delizioso." River grabs one of the cupcakes, unwrapping it and chewing it. "Non così inutile dopotutto, no? You should be a baker." (Not so useless afterall, no?)

"River! No! Give it back!" Dionne seethes angrily at the taller frame.

"It's all gone, see?" He shows the wrapper.

"You're such a dick! I made th-those last night!" He swallows down his tears. He just wanted to please Freya.

"What's wrong?" River's playful glint in his eyes now disappeared and was changed with worry. Yes, he liked to tease people— it was his love language. But he knows when he goes too far.

"Nothing. I hate you so much." He pushes the glasses back to the bridge of his nose and storms out of the living room with one of the cupcakes missing in the box.

"Ugh River? You stole a cupcake from Dee and didn't get me one too?" Astrid groans, punching his older brother's bicep.

River had to control the urge to flipping his brother out and got in his Lamborghini  that he got from his dad's collection after Co writing 3 books as well as writing songs with artists like his auntie Taylor at only 15.

The two never had one hour of peace without fighting. So it wasn't a surprise when Dionne was at the verge of strangling his brother just because who the fuck plays All Too Well at 7 in the morning?

~

"We're going now H!" You call out to Harry as he only hums already in his gym shorts with a pink apron with "World's Best Housewife husband" that the kids bought for him during Christmas, tied around his naked chest.

"Bye! I'll pick you up later, yes?" He looks up from shaking his bum while e was picking up Holiday's poop as The Princess and The Pauper— aka his favorite movie ever, played at the TV.

"Mhm, don't make Liam mad today please." You tease knowing that it was impossible for him.

"Ha ha very funny." He sarcastically says throwing the bird at you.

"Bye!" You shout about to close the door.

"You forgot something!" He calls back, now standing up and walking towards the garage door.

"Hm? What?" You ask looking through your bag.

"Um my kiss? Duh?" He rolls his eyes with a scrunch of his nose.

You shake your head at him but still pressing your lips on his. He caught your bottom lip with his teeth licking it smugly when he saw your cheeks heat.

Yep, he's still got it.

"And tell me you love me." He whispers watching as your lip bounces back to it's rightful place. You look like a fucking a dream.

"I love you, H." you smile laughing a little knowing that he would be sending you the bouquet he always picks out at the garden with a letter of how much he loves you later at work.

"And I love you so very much, my baby." He nuzzles his face into your cheekbone.

"Pa! Astrid just bit me!" You hear Athalia whine.

You groan, "Astrid!"

"She has an annoying face, I can't help it." He only shrugs leaning back on his seat. He loved getting on people's nerves.

"We have the same face!"

"The reason why ma and pa can tell us apart is because obviously I'm the prettier one." Pretty. That was the only description that their parents called them. Never handsome just pretty.

"Ma! Black tights or white?" Lovella storms down the stairs with the two clothing items in her hands.

"God help me." You groan bumping your head at Harry's shoulder.

[the-dead-skwad]

Out of bounds X Tig Trager X Reader

Request from anon:  Tig trager x reader who is Clays daughter and she is super close to Gemma cause she pretty much raised her. Can the reader get in trouble from Clay for heavy flirting with Tig even know she really likes him.

I hope you like it. I’m feel like I go too extra sometimes. 

Warnings: Drinking, smoking, father daughter argument.

Heaving the crate of bottles onto the bar, made a loud clink when it landed. You turned to go back for the next crate. "Oh." you slammed straight into Tig chest. "I'm so sorry." 

“No problem doll." He smirked at you.

Taking a step back you left your hand on his chest for longer than you should "I errm.." You saw all the other guys as like brothers but there was something about him that just made you weak at the knees. 

"Need a hand?" The look on his face was so devilish, you could have melted.

"Sure thanks." You both left the bar for your truck.

He grabbed one of the many boxes "You coming tonight?" 

"Of course. Have I ever missed a party?" He had a few buttons open on his shirt and the sun light bounced off him perfectly. You bit you lip slightly.

He took a step closer to you "I have an idea, why don't you--"

"Not for you Tig!" Her voice cut him off. "She's out of bounds." 

You spun to face her "Hey mom." 

She walked closer pulling you in for a hug and then turned to Tig "My baby is off limits. You know Clay will chop your balls off." 

"Yes ma'am." He nodded, giving you a slight wink  and walked back to the club.

She grabbed a box to help you "You gotta be careful you know?" 

"I know, but I can't help it."

"Well can you not help it with anyone else? If your dad found out, christ I don't even want to think about it!" 

You smiled as you pushed the door open with your ass "A girl got needs and besides when it comes to my type I got that from you."  

She chuckled "You may not be mine but god you're like a mini me." 

"Thanks mom." 

"That wasn't a compliment. Anyway, finish unloading your truck. I'll be picking you up about 7."

-- Straightening your dress out you smiled in the mirror. You had put quite a bit of effort in this look, the dress hugged your curves perfectly and the emerald green colour complimented your dyed ginger hair which flowed in loose curls past your shoulders. Your makeup had never looked so perfect and your doc martens topped the whole outfit off. After all you had never really been a heels kind of girl. 

Gemma's car horn made you jump. You turned off the music, finished your beer, grabbed your bag and headed out. 

"Oh baby, you look amazing." She shouted out the open car window.  

You almost skipped down the path way "Thanks mom." You hopped in the car and she sped off to the club. 

Because you had all set up earlier the club was already blasting out music and croweaters where piling in. Looking at all the beautiful half naked women made you nervous. You knew the guy you wanted slept with so many of these women. You were no match to them and you're sure all he wanted was sex from you. 

Gemma looked over at you and sighed "Look baby, I know how you feel and even though I always say your dad would kill you. Which he would. But you can't help who you like and if you wonna go for it I'm happy for you. Please be careful."

"I don't think I'm going to.." You pulled on your dress a little "I'm no match for these women."

Her head whipped round to stare at you "Are you joking? You seriously think your have any competition here. Sweetie you are Y/N Morrow and the most beautiful woman in Charming." She kissed you on the forehead "Now, hold your head high like a true Morrow, go in there and kill it." 

"Yes ma'am." You both smiled at each other before you strutted into the bar together. 

"I'll try my hardest to keep your dad out the way." She kissed your head again before going to find Clay. 

As soon as you walked in your saw him, over in the corner already got two women practically eating off him. He wasn't yours in any way but god it hurt. You walked to the bar and leaned over it making sure you ass stuck out and the dress barley clung on. 

"Hey you." Your friend Elle was on the bar tonight. "How you doin sugar?" 

"I'm okay thanks, I'm going for it tonight." 

"Oh shit.. two shots then?" 

You nodded "Make sure they're strong." 

She slid them over to you followed by a beer "Make sure you tell me everything tomorrow over hungover coffee!" 

You blew her a kiss before turning to look at the rest of the club. "Hey!" To hands grabbed hold of your shoulders making you jump out of your skin. 

You spun to face them "Fuck sake Jax!" You hit him on the arm. 

He chuckled at you "Could there be a reason my little sister looks like this?" 

"I'll dress how I like thank you very much." You picked up both of your shots and drank them, one after the other. 

He raised his eyebrows "And drink as much as she wants?" 

"You got it!" 

As you joked with Jax a croweater looked you up and down like you were pure trash. She walked over to the table Tig sat at. You took in a deep breath "I know what I gotta do." 

"You gonna make a fool of yourself?" 

You smiled at Jax "Oh definitely." You spun back to the bar "Hey Elle! Get me a whole tray." 

"Has this ever worked for you?" Jax knew he'd be peeling you off the floor later.

"More than you know." 

He held his hands up "Alright, I don't want to know." 

You took the tray and walked over to the table he was sat at. You pushed the empty bottles away with the tray making a few of them tip on the croweaters. 

They jumped up and looked at you "What's your problem?" 

"You don't want this fight ladies." 

They turned to Tig like he was going to defend them. He looked you straight in the eye and smiled "Fuck off." They looked at you as though they had won. He looked up at them with a dead straight face "I said fuck off." 

You sat on the cushioned bench next to him, you crossed over your leg and lit a smoke. "You ready old man?" 

He raised the first shot with you "You're going down little girl." 

You downed the shot, the smooth whiskey went down like a treat. The burn was almost comforting. "I aint a little girl any more." 

He looked up and down your body "That's damn right." 

After around 10 shots you were in high spirits. The trick was so not have them all at once and you wouldn't black out in 30 minutes. You were facing Tig and somehow your leg had managed to make its way across his. You both got on like a house on fire. Laughing and joking your had another shot. "Keep up Tiggy.” You giggled. 

He brushed your hair off the shoulder closest to him "Oh don't worry baby. I can go for hours." He placed a gentle kiss on your exposed shoulder. 

All of a sudden a loud voice came from across the bar "What the hell are you doing!" 

Your eyes widened "Oh shit!" You turned to see your Clay marching across the club. 

He pushed the table over making the few shots you had left go flying. He grabbed hold of your arm and yanked you out of your seat. "What do you think your doing?" 

"I'm having fun." 

"Fun!" He was shouting in your face "You can't be throwing your self at these guys! Show some respect for yourself!"  

"Excuse me?" You were shouting now. 

"Did I stutter!" 

You snatched your arm out his hand "I'm not a child anymore. I know you mean well but if I want to like a man I fucking will!" 

"I'm your dad and I tell you what you do. I want you to find a real man, not someone to just sleep with."

"Like hell you do! It's none of your business who I sleep with and who said I wanted to just sleep with him!" But this point the whole bar was silent except for prospect throwing up in the corner. You were so angry your body was shaking.

"What?" His face had gotten more red that you had ever seen. 

"You keep me in this life and then expect me to not get feelings for someone I have known almost my whole life. If I wonna be with this guy I will be!" 

He really wasn't sure what to say, you could see the vein in his head pulsing. He looked at you for a second then walked out the club flipping a table over on his way out. 

You put you hands on your hips and breathed. Tig stood from the table "Shows over everyone." The music and talking started up again. He passed you a smoke and lit it for you. "You okay?" 

"Yeah, he's just had a lot to drink."

"You may have the beautiful looks from your mom but jesus you're as hot headed as him." He pulled you in for a hug. "Go get some fresh air and I'll bring you a drink." 

You breathed in the smoke as the cold air calmed you down. Tig came out and passed you your drink. "Thank you." You stood in silence for a moment. "Look, I'm sorry. I was so angry, I screamed out my feelings for you to the whole club without even considering what place that would put you in." 

"Yeahhh, not really something I was expecting." 

You smiled at him "You don't need to feel the same. Wish it had been a better situation." 

"So you really like me?" 

Your heart was beating so hard, you never saw your self ain this place. You seriously thought you were just going to sleep with him "Err, yeah I do." 

"Oh thank fuck." He launched forward and smashed his lips against yours. Without even thinking you kissed back, putting your hands in his perfect curly locks. 

He lifted you up and pushed you against the wall behind you. You leaned back to take a breath "So, you feel the same?" 

"Hell yeah." He smiled back into the kiss. This was going to be one hell of a night.

[thirstybtsthoughts]

Bunny! I have a BTS dream I need to share 😭 it's nothing smutty but the visuals were somewhat sexy.

So I dreamt I bought a house (in this economy it must have been in a dream), and BTS and myself went to go check out the property together, because we were besties of some sort. Then we find out that this place used to be a vet clinic, so it was a house turned vet. But it looked like the place had been vandalised and there were still animals on the property and the vet was there to show us around. There were all kinds of animals and it was so cute to see BTS interacting with them all 😭

Jimin and Tae still asked me if I was gonna keep all the animals with these big as eyes 😍and then Namjoon piped up and said the property looks big enough that they can move in with me and help rebuild the place and help look after the animals there were left behind 😭 BUNNY THERE WAS EVEN COWS AND A DONKEY, A FUCKING DONKEY 💀

Anyways, the sexy part of the dream was when we all started to rebuild the place. I never thought of this but BTS as DIY construction workers was a whole new sexy I never knew I needed in my life 💜💜💜

I'm talking sweaty in the sun, rebuilding walls, tearing down fences, drinking water like the Gods, swinging sledgehammers and measuring wood. Fuck I feel like my description isn't doing my dream justice, if only you could have been in the dream with me 😭

~🚬 anon

___________________________

😂😂 mannn you’re lucky enough to have a dream with the members in it let alone a fun one like that! 😍

How cute, I can imagine vmin being in love with the animals, even the donkey 😂😂

Oh you are so right about the visuals because the image I have in my mind of BTS rebuilding a home is AMAZING 🥲 , I’m imagining Tae chopping wood with an axe (probably not exactly relevant to home renovations 😂, but it’s what came to mind) and it’s doing things to me 🥴🥴🥴

Also imagine Yoongi bent over somewhere trying to fix some furniture because you just know I wouldn’t be able to resist smacking dat ass.

And then there’s the thought of Jin laying under a sink while doing the plumbing, and as he’s reaching up, his top is riding up and showing a hint of his boxers and happy trail 😏🥵.

Yeahhh I’d just be staring at them shamelessly and offering them drinks, maybe be wiping their sweat for them as they go and telling them they’re doing a fab job 😁😂😏

[whatevenismyaestheticidk]

Things I’ve heard high schoolers say pt 1

-Person:I don't want to go to college. I want to join a rock band.

-Person 1: A dangerous pogo stick

Person 2: Do you mean a jackhammer?

-Person 1: I only have five minutes, what can I do in five minutes!?

Person 2: Masturbate

Person 3: Dab

-*Person 1 snaps fingers in a Z formation and points* No.

-Person: It's the computer Jesus.

Person: I’m okay with being the human embodiment of a cookie recipe.

-Person: Her eyes were as blue as... the color blue.

-Person: angrily clicks pen

-Person: Fight me *said while dabbing*

-Person: Did you just assume the gender of that table?

-Person: How does that child have popcorn! It's Wednesday!

-Person: Yo no speako Shakespearean Englisho.

-Person: I AM looking at an AC! *shouted across campus during finals week*

-Person: You fancy English tomboy! *shouted during an argument*

-Person: The salt the salt it burns! *followed by horrendous screaming and someone collapsing on the ground*

-Person 1: It's spiky.

Person 2: Depression?

Person 1: No a porcupine.

-Person: I don't know what fake tan you put on, but you’re not brown. *Indian girl to another Indian girl when one thought a food was spicy*

-Person: Thicce. When she thicc but she French. *pronounced thick-ay*

-Person: Everything's breaking and falling apart. *cue a chorus of 'my life' and 'same'*

-Person: I searched up the word 'search'. Nailed it!

-Person: *to the tune of making my way downtown* Make a meringue right now.

-Person: Legiterally. *legit +literally*

-Person: See, the problem is, I don’t want to.

-Person: We're boycotting Amazon. Siri play despacito.

-Person: Dishwashers are just machines from the evil overlords. You don't do the dishes, the dishes do you.

-Person: It makes me want to dig my own eyeballs out of my sockets and eat them but I'm fine.

-Person 1: Is this strawberry jam?

Person 2: Yes

Person 1: Ehhh I'm allergic but it's fine.

-Person: You human bobby pin.

-Person: Technically, Fire trucks are just giant water guns.

-Person 1: But what happens if you take helium and sulfur hexafluoride at the same time?

Person 2: You die.

-Person: I want to breath fire like the dragon that I am.

-Person: (girls name)! Stop trying to graph life!

-Person 1: Great I’m a pterodactyl with 3D printers for ears.

Person 2: Oh my god it’s me!

-Person: I will consume your soul!!!

-Person 1: Did you just fall and accept it?

Person 2: Yes.

-Person: Dang. Life is just crunchy.

-Person: I relate to that shoe, because I am also alone in this world.

-Person: Being alive is to0 much of a commitment. TBH I have enough commitment issues as it is and I’m just not fully committed to this whole life thing.

-Person: Swiper no swiping! *shouted as another student tried to steal their water bottle

-Person: (persons name), you either have to solve the problem, or you have to stop whining and ignore it. That’s how life works.

-Person: I want an emotional support komodo dragon to emotionally support me by killing my enemies.

-Person 1: Move the table by (mans name).

Person 2: What? Physically?

Person 1: No, mentally… of course physically (person’s name)!

-Person: What do they speak in Brazil? Brazilian?

-Person: I’m  not going to have five kids fuck you buzzfeed.

-Person: How many calories are in a Pringles container? Cause I just ate all of them.

-Person: I could listen to him say penguin forever. If someone ever says penguin as good as he does I’ll just….

-Person: And then his reply just savaged me yeah!? I just want him to like me.

-Person: Me watching my life fall apart like ‘that’s a shame’.

-Person: Carry yourself upstairs! For gods sake (person’s name) it’s not that difficult!!

-Person: Do I look like the basic gluten free white bitch? Okay I thought so.

-Person: How could I give up on life when I never even lived it in the first place?

-Person: Have you ever gotten into a TED talk spiral? Like just a spiral of knowledge and inspiration?

-Person: You don’t know true fear until you almost drop your laptop without its case.

-Person: So they just yeet you into the water when you die.”

-Person: And in that moment she made four very straight girls turn gay for five seconds. That’s how fine she was.

-Person 1: Why is the sky screaming?

*thunder*

Person 2:It probably has cramps.

-Person: I’m here, I’m queer, and I shall be scoping you my dear.

-Person: You. 20-20. Vision. Person. Gah!

-Person: I guess I’ll just phase through the walls.

-Person: He has the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.

-Person 1: Not even sarcastically though, why do you care more about my life and health more than I do?

-Random Girl walking by: same though

-Person: Wait are potatoes a fruit?

-Person 1: Come on (person’s name), chop chop!

Person 2: I’m chopping!

-Person: I thought I ran into (boys name) but it was actually just a bench.

-Person: Are streptsils supposed to burn?

-Person: Does static electricity work here?

-Bro 1: Close your eyes bro

Bro 2: Okay bro

Bro 1: What do you see bro?

Bro 2: Nothing bro

Bro 1: That’s my world without you bro

Bro 2: Bro

Girl: I swear to god if you two do that again… *insinuating that this wasn’t the first time they had done so*

-Person 1: And how do you exactly get to the sketchy parts of London?

Person 2: Google maps.

-Girl in a dark room to roommate: Well you know what? *Turns on light* well fuck you I hope your eyes burn.

-Person: Oh my crapety crap crap.

-Person: Oh yes, we love a spiky shistar

-Person: Tbh no one else can hate me as much as I hate me sooo yeahhh

-Person: So I guess I’m just gunna dab and pretend like everything’s okay then cry later.

-Person 1: Well you’re... fricking... stupid.

Person 2:Wow language.

Person 1: I’m 15 I can do whatever the frick I want!

-Person: *shouting*I don’t have energy for this today!

-Person: I didn’t know the lady was not wearing garments.

-Person: That went from getting water to doing drugs. That wasn’t a jump at all.

-Person: I am a bright and colorful piñata and god is a 13 year old birthday boy whose parents have just announced their divorce.

-Person: Oh my god I just got a message! *pause* Never mind it’s just my cellular company

-Person: I only know how to express love in either dramatic, multi-page, 19th-century-style love letters or single memes presented without commentary so jot that down

-Person 1: As a member of the stop the bull community I kindly request for you to cease this activity.

Person 2: Oh yah? Well as a member of the START the bull community I wanna ask you to umm BACK OFF.

-Person: I’m feeling very third wheel. You and (boys name),  (boys name) and (girls name), (girls name) and 8-ball.

-Person: My entire life is the ‘awkward YouTube phase’.

-Person: Sliding into (girlfriends name) dms like *proceeds to perform a giant sock on hardwood floor style slide*

-Person: (Teacher’s name)’s voice just puts you to sleep. If you need to take a nap, just listen to a recording.

-Person: And then there’s me, having a mental breakdown over a water bottle.

-Person: Like girl, I know you’re thirsty but just drink some soda.

-Person 1: I’m sad lemme have some.

Person 2: Who broke up with you this time?

Person 1: HEY!

-Person: Excuse you, I’m always ashy.

-Person 1: 3/8 people on this group chat aren’t straight. That’s 0.375. Quick maths. Who needs to pass the math final when you can calculate the amount of gay in the group chat?

Person 2: Politicians use statistics to argue their points anyway so you need it in life.

Person 3: That was intelligent, (Person 1) you’ve been outplayed.

-Person 1: YAY WERE ALL GOING TO DIE

Person 2: Me in the face of the apocalypse.

-Person: God I miss Lagos, even the bumpy ass roads. at least Lagos had LESBIANS.

-Person: Does anyone else want to pretend their okay with me? No?

-Person: 8-Ball Bitches!

-Person: I’VE GONE BACK SO FAR INTO THE CLOSET I’M IN FUCKING NARNIA NOW

-Person: Attack! *Squeals as she’s squirted wit a water-bottle* Ahhhh you fricking fudger!

[rapvue]

Yung Zeus - Envy Me (Calboy Remix)

Envy Me Lyrics

(Chorus: Yung Zeus) Don’t speak on my name I’m wit the mob the fuck is you thinking? I drop a bag they get on yo ass you know that I mean it , you shot at my dawg then we upped the score and now you ain’t breathing ,yeahhh pop me a perc been puttin in work while y’all niggas sleeping , chop sing like the weeknd , you don’t wanna meet it , hit yo block and we creepin , you know im a demon ,in dat water you deep in, wit chains on your back holding cement , sliding round wit that llama bitch I leave you dead without blinking (Verse: Yung Zeus) 20 bands in some prps don’t give a damn bout what you thought , swear I wasn’t ever in to sports I just hit the block and I hustled hard , hit the kitchen and I blend the raw , or whipping work then I let it thaw , on the block tryna fucking ball , swear to god I done done it all, 50 racks in my mattress, sippin lean till I pass out, you niggas just cappin, you was up but you back down, 40 rip through his soull, he ain’t coming back now, draw down on his homies spin da block den come back round .. Laid that nigga down to sleep , then my bitch wipe me down in bleach , don’t aim for backs we shoot at face , hop in my vette and do the race (Skrrt) (Chorus: Yung Zeus) Don’t speak on my name I’m wit the mob the fuck is you thinking? I drop a bag they get on yo ass you know that I mean it , you shot at my dawg then we upped the score and now you ain’t breathing yeahhh pop me a perc been puttin in work while y’all niggas sleeping , chop sing like the weeknd , you don’t wanna meet it ,hit yo block and we creepin , you know im a demon ,in dat water you deep in, wit chains on your back holding cement , sliding round wit that llama ,bitch I leave you dead without blinking

[beca]

Day 4

Another pretty easy day—prooobably because I started smoking weed around 4 p.m. Ran some errands, grabbed lunch with Rachel to discuss Dope Girls stuff (which tends to leave me energized. This time was no different), then set up work-hang camp at Dustin’s in Reynoldstown for a while. I love work-hangs with that dude; we’re extremely good at ignoring each other, leaving room to occasionally check in. He works in photography—photojournalism, technically. Which is how we know each other: through work—and I think that’s part of why we work so well together. It’s kinda nice and refreshing to spend large chunks of productivity time with someone who’s deep in a different albeit related medium.

Anyway! I made some major headway advancing a few stories and getting new pitches out the door. After a while, we stepped to the porch to share a spliff. Immediately after, I was due at another pal’s in Kirkwood, so I trotted that way.

I’ve known Aditya (another photographer/video person) since middle school, so it’s always chill to work-hang with him. Except! When he’s pulling these crazy-ass “hip-hop hours,” which he explains usually run from about midnight to 6 a.m. So, we were spending time during his pseudo-breakfast period, I guess. Usually he’s great at ignoring me, but this time we ended up petting pit bulls (his. Cub and Cleo, such angels) and shooting the shit. As usual, I left his house medium-well stoned.

I ended up skipping some friends’ reading series at MailChimp, which I still feel crummy about. But! This weekend is about to be hella stacked, so I think it’s okay to claim the calm I need before all that. When arriving home, I felt warm and light. I put on this hilarious but very good mix from Spotify and kinda blissed out, vacillating between chopping potatoes for dinner and petting/chasing the cats. I sang very loudly and badly to UB40, relishing one of my last nights living alone in the house. As the taters and sprouts roasted in the oven, I sat on the porch and read magazines. (And hell yes, I took the whacky playlist and earbuds with me.) I haven’t been religious in years but something about sitting on a front porch as the rain outside cools everything down feels very holy. 

Oh yeah! So, a cool-seeming woman from New York is moving in next week to start an internship at CNN. From our brief FaceTime earlier this week, she keeps super busy working and writing (not entirely clear re: her beat). And! She has a sugar glider. Apparently they have horrible night screams, but she assures me hers does not. I added a clause to the rental agreement basically in case of one of the spicy boys uh, murdering her fancy squirrel. I hope that doesn’t happen, obvs. And selfishly, I am very excited to have this weirdo little creature in my home.

I also plucked my front yard clean of roses (there were a lot) and tried my hand at making rose water. It probably would have been great, had I paid more attention.

Rick came home around nine and we ate. As I finished my bowl, I thought to check on my rose experiment. Yeahhh—burnt to crisps. Not looking forward to scrubbing that pot, but alas. This is how we learn not to try new crafts involving fire when so stony and distracted by cheesy potatoes. The roses will grow back, I’ll try again. It was another early night that bloomed into crazy amounts of sleep, though I don’t feel especially guilty about that. 

Tonight is my pal Susannah’s elopement party at The Earl. I don’t plan on staying long, but, sadly, that’s mostly because I don’t think I’ll have a great time in such close proximity of an open bar but unable to imbibe.

The past couple nights at home have proved pretty easy when it comes to my abstinence, but I know that’s largely because there isn’t much temptation immediately around. And, like I said, the weed.

Gearing up for a productive morning then a billion errands, lunch with Austin, and some interviews.

Yesterday Dustin asked what I was working on. I said, “Emailing people about weed.” It’s funny and weird that became a frequent subject. But I’ll take it.