#YEAH i'm a nosy bitch.

[tuituipupu]

i need to know his rising sign so bad ↑

i think it's aries or leo

[rotisseries]

love when I rb an ask game and then I only get a few that I KNOW are just from mutuals so I have to check my follower count and see if you all disappeared when I wasn't looking

[themultifanshipper]

Back again the the lanoscar x sainz x reader

She(they) messing with all three of themm Lando and Oscar know about each other but they didn’t know about Carlos and Carlos didn’t know about them but then she gets caught somehow and they all fuck together 🤤

Your teammate Carlos was a nosy bitch when he wanted to be. And today he was going to reap the consequences.

Warnings: smut, more smut, threesome, almost foursome?, ferrari driver reader, bickering, Lando is barely there i'm not gonna lie, this is basically Carcar feat reader and special guest Lando, Oscar discovering things about himself, use of toys, one singular spank, dominant Carlos, sub Oscar

Requested from my prompt list

You were in his hotel room, riding him like your life depended on it and he was panting into your mouth as his hands wandered over your body.

This was far from an unusual occurrence. Often during race weekends you found yourself wandering into his room looking for some uhh… teammate bonding time.

But then he had to go and open his big mouth.

“You were not very discreet yesterday, I heard you in your room with Lando.”

You froze on top of him and your wide eyes snapped to his.

Being teammates, your rooms were generally next to each other. And yeah, you enjoyed blowing off steam during race weekends, sometimes with Carlos, sometimes with… well, not Carlos.

“It's okay hermosa, I'm not jealous or anything, I was just surprised. I guess I should have seen this coming, you and Lando have been getting a lot closer recently…” he started kissing up your neck.

“Uhhhh” was the only thing you managed to answer.

The problem wasn’t that you didn't want Carlos to know about you and Lando. The two of you were perfectly content for the other drivers to know about your escapades, and Lando was particularly… open about his sex life and who he told about it.

No, the problem was that it wasn't Lando in your room last night.

But you weren’t sure how Carlos would react if he knew that you were also hooking up with the man he despises.

“Maybe next time I can join you, no?”

The image of Carlos and Oscar fighting over you flashed in your mind. The hesitancy must have been visible on your face because he quickly added “Me and Lando used to have fun when we were teammates, I'm sure he wouldn't mind”

Yeah Lando definitely wouldn't mind.

Lando had been having regular threesomes with you.

But the third person was Oscar. And you weren't sure if Carlos knew about Lando and Oscar either.

So you brushed off the subject as a maybe and carried on riding him until you both came, successfully putting the subject out of his mind.

…

A few weeks later, you and Oscar had planned to see each other in your hotel room after a complicated practice.

Once you were both naked, he suggested sending a text to Lando to invite him over to join in the fun. Which he did. And you waited… and waited.

After a while you gave up on waiting.

You were so impatient you started without him and you found yourself perched on the end of the bed, on your hands and knees while Oscar pounded into you from behind, gripping onto your hips for dear life.

You were so loud that Carlos, who once again had the room next door, could hear everything.

And he assumed that you knew he was there and that you were doing this on purpose to tempt him to come over.

He knocked on your door and you moaned in relief, thinking it was Lando.

Oscar shouted for him to come in, neither of you wanting to stop your activities to go and open the door.

Carlos stepped inside and his jaw dropped at what he saw.

Oscar saw him at the same time and his hips stilled immediately.

“What the fuck, Carlos? Get out!”

Carlos ignored him in favour of staring at you.

“I thought you were fucking Lando!”

You felt Oscar's hands on your hips squeeze lightly in question and you sighed, dropping your head onto the mattress.

“I am fucking Lando…” you looked back up at him “and Oscar”

“You're fucking BOTH OF THEM?”

“Evidently, yes” you rolled your eyes.

His eyebrows furrowed “Why did you tell me to come in then?”

Oscar replied for you. “Because we were expecting Lando, dipshit”

Carlos growled and stared daggers at the two of you.

“So you don't want a threesome with me, but you'll accept this fucking guy? Unbelievable”

“Hey!” Oscar interjected angrily “I'm the one with my dick inside her so she obviously doesn't want you. Now kindly fuck off and let us get back to it”

Carlos stepped closer to the bed, fists clenched with barely contained anger “I have been fucking her longer than you have known her, so watch your fucking tone with me”

Oscar froze, and you could feel his eyes burning into the back of your head.

“You've been fucking Carlos? Seriously?”

You whined and nodded.

“I guess me and Lando need to step up our game if you're going to this guy for more…” he spat, voice full of venom.

Carlos scoffed “You are basically a child, I have much more experience than you”

“Oh yeah?” Oscar twitched inside you and started lazily rolling his hips against yours, sending waves of pleasure across your body “Then why am I the one currently inside her and you were in your room probably getting off to the sound of us?”

“You little shit, I thought you were Lando!” Carlos was raising his voice a bit now, and Oscar just thrusted into you harder.

“And my point still stands!”

The fucker was getting off on having the upper hand on Carlos.

“Then maybe when you are done I can take over and show you how a real man does it!”

“Oh please! If you fuck like you drive it'll be a snooze fest!”

“Well then maybe I should fuck you and shut you up!”

The sharp intake of breath behind you was a welcome pause in the bickering. None of you quite knowing what to say after that.

But you felt Oscar twitch inside you again. And that was the moment you knew you had to see that.

“That would literally be the hottest thing I've ever seen” you piped up and both pairs of eyes snapped to you.

“I want to see you two fuck”

Oscar shivered and Carlos, who was pretty riled up already, seemed to be seriously considering it.

You pushed Oscar off and went to sit near the headboard.

“Come on boys, we don't have all night” you purred seductively “If you really want to make me happy, get on the bed”

They both complied reluctantly, eyeing each other up as they went, Carlos taking off the long tshirt he was wearing that had been covering his already hard bulge.

They just kneeled in front of each other, staring daggers and obviously over thinking this way too hard.

Seemed like they were going to need a bit of coaxing if this was going to work.

You positioned yourself in front of them, and pulled them toward you by the arm.

You pulled Carlos in for a sloppy kiss as your hand went to Oscar's cock, teasingly stroking and thumbing the tip, tightening your grip as Carlos did something with his tongue that made you almost lose sense of where you were.

Once you heard a soft “fuck” from Oscar, you switched, shoving Carlos' boxers down and finally touching him while your mouth went to Oscar, biting his lip and sucking it just like you knew drove him wild.

Once they were both sufficiently riled up you leaned back, hands stroking them both at the same time.

“Now you two” you panted, lack of air making your head light..

Their kiss was violent, but entertaining as they fought for dominance and their hips bucked into your hands.

Carlos's hands went to grip Oscar's ass, hard, and the younger man whined, allowing the Ferrari driver to push his tongue into his mouth.

The rest of their bodies collided and you just managed to let them go before you ended up with a sprained wrist, as Carlos quickly pushed Oscar down onto the bed and started ravishing him, painting his jaw and neck in purple blemishes as he went.

Oscar was panting hard and his hands scrambled to find purchase in the sheets as Carlos got a hand around him.

“Carlos fuck-”

“I'm going to fuck you, Oscar. I'm going to show you exactly how she likes it”

“I dare you to fucking try you-”

He never finished the thought as Carlos manhandled him onto his hands and knees, facing you, and spanked him, hard.

The noise Oscar let out was frankly embarrassing and Carlos leaned over him, a hand coming to wrap around his throat.

“Be a good boy and follow the lesson”

Oscar looked wrecked already and when Carlos shoved two fingers in his mouth and ordered him to ‘suck’, his eyes fluttered closed and he complied without another word.

Holy fuck. You'd never seen Oscar so submissive and it was igniting a fire in your gut that you couldn’t ignore, so you trailed a hand down your body and slid a finger over your clit lightly, just to get some relief.

Carlos pulled his fingers out of Oscar's mouth and circled one around Oscar's rim.

Oscar was so relaxed, Carlos’ finger barely met any resistance as he pushed it in down to the knuckle in one go.

It didn't take much time for a second and third to join it, by which point Oscar was all but begging for Carlos' cock. And Carlos was nothing if not generous, so he slicked himself up with the lube you’d handed to him when he was on the second finger, and thrusted all the way in to the hilt in one swift move.

He grazed Oscar's prostate on the way in and the sound that came out of the younger man was somewhere between a wail and a punched out moan. It was so fucking hot.

Lando, ever the punctual fucker, had chosen that exact moment to barge into the room.

He was about to apologise for being late but the sight before him made his breath catch in his throat.

“What the fuck”

Oscar, still being held up by his throat, barely noticed his presence so Carlos answered instead.

“What does it look like? I'm fucking some manners into this brat.”

With that he started slamming his hips into Oscar's, making the younger man choke on his spit.

Lando just looked at you in shock.

“How the hell did this happen?”

You just shrugged and motioned him over. “Get your clothes off and get over here”

You've never seen a man undress so fast. He joined you on the bed and marveled at the sight of his old teammate railing the shit out of Oscar, who was babbling nonsense, his front now pushed into the sheets.

“Holy shit” Lando said, taking in the state of his current teammate. “Fuck. Oscar you're so hot like this”

His thumb came to rub at Oscar's bottom lip and the younger man let his tongue roll out of his mouth to let Lando press down on it.

“God. You want to be good for me and let me use your mouth?”

Oscar moaned and nodded eagerly.

“Fuck, okay”

He wasted no time guiding his cock between Oscar's lips and rocked his hips gently.

The three of them got into a rhythm. Carlos slamming his hips into Oscar, pushing him onto Lando's cock and gagging around it, saliva dripping down his chin, eyes rolling back in pleasure as Carlos nailed his prostate on every thrust.

Lando and Carlos leaned over Oscar and started making out sloppily.

You were almost overwhelmed by what you were seeing, and you slipped away to make your way over to your suitcase.

You quickly found what you were looking for: a dildo and a bullet vibrator.

Climbing back onto the bed, you positioned yourself over the dildo and sank down on it.

You picked up the vibrator and swirled it around where your lips were stretched around the silicone, then pressed it straight on your clit.

You let out a wanton moan at the sudden onslaught of pleasure and the noise attracted the attention of Lando and Carlos.

The two men gasped at the sight of you rocking back and forth on the dildo, pleasuring yourself to the sight of them ruining Oscar.

Carlos’ hips suddenly stuttered and he came with a groan, deep inside Oscar's tight heat.

The younger man sobbed as Carlos gently pulled his softening cock out.

“No please ! I need it, please…”

He was completely out of it, visibly distraught by the feeling of being suddenly empty without having come yet.

Lando pulled out of his mouth and took mercy on him, taking Carlos' place and fucking into him hard and fast, not being far off his own orgasm.

He grabbed a hold of Oscar's hair, arching his back and making him look straight at you.

“Fuck, Oscar. Who knew you could be such a good boy for us? Look at how it's turning her on so much she can't help pleasuring herself at the sight of you getting fucked”

Oscar reached a hand out for you and you took it.

“Gonna cum” he panted and you put your fingers in his mouth giving him something to suck on.

“Come for us baby, good boy, there you go...”

That was it for Oscar as he wailed around your fingers and painted the sheets white with his cum.

He tightened around Lando and the older man came inside him as well, filling him to the brim and adding to Carlos' cum that had since started leaking out.

You came not long after, moans muffled by Carlos' lips on yours.

Once you'd all come down a bit, Oscar laughed breathlessly and looked at you.

“I didn't know I had that in me, I've never come so hard in my life”

You giggled and stroked his cheek.

The bed was a mess of sweat, cum, and splayed out limbs. But there was nowhere you'd rather be.

They were your boys, and now, there were many, many more things to explore with them.

[neathyingenue]

Ok WHO broke Shaw's heart. i just want to talk

whispers to the goon squad get em boys

If you have anything you can share about what Shaw's been up to I would love to hear :D

SEE I wish he’s been up to much after completing nemesis … but honestly once he realized he was done, he’s been stuck in a bit of a slump. The horror of the fact that is is absolutely his life now and there is no grand dramatic martyr complex end that will mean he’s forgiven for what he’s done (and continues to do) has definitely hit. Aside from throwing himself into work with the Game and passionlessly funding this railway, there’s not much to talk about :( the poor guy’s in a lurch in terms of major development, so I’ve mostly been furthering some relationship stuff. He got his heart broken two days before his birthday!

[pookietv]

the not-so-useless hotline | george clarke

this has been rotting in my drafts for a while but it was a req so i hope you enjoy! may be a little sucky, sorry about that :)

dedicated to both the nonnie who requested and the nonnie who was adorable to me in dms so!!!!

to be honest, you didn't even really know what you had become well known for.

you started on youtube, ended up singing and modelling and vlogging and god knows what else, and you were a little bit of a mystery to the world.

but, nonetheless you had become adored by the internet, and eventually dragged on a podcast by max, who you had met on a brand trip and had grown to quite like, even if you had only seen him a handful of times.

so when you showed up to a little office with worn out computers and a smile on max's face, it did make you giggle to be on the set that you had seen him, and george, who even though you had seen him a lot online, you admittedly knew next to nothing about.

"y/n! hello, welcome!" you were invited in by who you assumed was a manager, who helped you get microphoned up, staying quiet whilst you listened to max and george speak and introduce the podcast whilst you waited on the sidelines for being introduced.

so when you heard the, "okay, send her up for the interview!" and you sat opposite them, your cheeks were a little red from laughing as it felt strange to be sat opposite them in such a corporate setting, even if was all a big joke.

"welcome y/n to your interview at the useless hotline! i'm max, this is george, very important interview today," max joked, and you nodded a little more, laughing and repeating, "very important, yes."

"yeah, i'm so glad to be here, i really need this job!" you joked back, allowing yourself to have a moment looking at george, being your first proper time meeting him. he was quite attractive, put together nicely.

"well, we have very high standards here, although max doesn't reflect that too well," george joked back, and you nodded in a teasingly solemn look.

"well, every company has it's stinker, and i suppose here it's max," you smiled, and max rolled his eyes.

"you bitch! haven't even introduced yourself and you're already mocking me," max grinned.

"oh, sorry, i introduce myself and then mock you?" you teased back.

after being made to make max and george extremely potent alcoholic drinks, and introducing yourself, with a little gossip about music and max's social life, eventually you get questions thrown your way.

"well, we figured we need to talk to you about your dating life, 'cause that's where our clickbait will be," george joked.

"literally! everyone knows you as some maneating mysterious woman going on dates all the time, and we're nosy," max teased, and you rolled your eyes in response.

"i'm not a maneater! jesus, you leave a bad impression max! i would just say i am very picky, that's all. y'know, high standards." you hummed a little as you drank your drink with a small grin.

"oh, come on, you know yourself there has been a cast of rotating rumours of people that the internet thought you might be dating," max urged, and you shrugged a little. "plus, when we went on that bar thing on the latest brand trip you told me about a few of them, so there must be some drama there!" he joked a little more.

"men are just very disappointing creatures, you know? there just hasn't really been one where i've been like, yeah, this person is fun to be around and i would like to be around them a lot of the time, so i'm still single!" i explained with a giggle.

"george is literally always saying something of a similar tune, he is kind of just a picky man," max joked a little, and i grinned and raised my eyebrows at george.

"picky, hm? i suppose i'm a little picky, but i don't think that's necessarily bad, i just think i would love to hold out for someone who is really for me, you know?" i asked him curiously.

"i wouldn't even say i'm picky, i just think... there's a kind of thing, where i'll, you know, find someone where i'm just like, yeah, this feels right," george explained, and i nodded.

"so do you have like.. a type?" max asked me, "george's type always seems to be women who don't like him back." max teased.

"there have definitely been some stinkers in the past but... i mean, i wouldn't even say i have a type, really. i like funny people, and i'd like someone that's taller then me... um, i guess i like facial hair but that's not a dealbreaker if not," i laughed a little awkwardly with a shrug of my shoulders.

"well, i'd say you'd like george but he is exceptionally not funny," max grinned to himself and i rolled my eyes in a giggly way, watching george turn to max.

"because you're just so witty yourself, max,"

the podcast continued, with topics only getting more intrusive and unhinged as we continued, before we got to the point where we were answering asks, and one came up asking george on a date as a plus one to a wedding.

"fuck you! see, everyone comes on the podcast and thirsts over george, but what if you had asked me? i would actually have shown up, how about that!" max huffed whilst george tried not to laugh.

"what, people try and hit on george through the podcast?" you asked, laughing myself.

"yeah, they do, his name is max balegde," george joked.

"they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel if they want george," max grinned, before looking at me, "do you get a lot of the whole randomers asking you out thing? seeing as you're so thirsted over on the internet?"

"i mean, i suppose so, but i don't read too many of them, they just stay in the requests bit of my messages so i don't pay them too much attention," you giggled slightly, shrugging, "though, i do appreciate the compliments, sometimes if i'm just having a really crap day i'll just look through edits of myself. is that narcissistic? maybe it is, but it does make you feel good,"

"max was begging people to make edits of him on one of the podcast episodes so i'm sure you're not too bad," george grinned to you, and you tittered a little at his answer, grinning back at him.

george was pretty attractive, actually.

it had been about a week since the episode of you on the useless hotline had come out: and to say you had been bombarded would be an understatement.

from shipping fan edits to insane tweets, there seemed to be a common theme, the theory that you were dating george.

he had texted you a little, talking about when the podcast was going to come out, and asking you if you had any plans over the weekend, mainly casual talk as he told you funny stories about his roommates, arthur and chris, and occasionally sending you photos of himself pulling faces.

liked by max_balegde, georgeclarkeey and 12,039 others

yourusername: my roommate tried to push me out of a window (but i made her take cute pictures so)

miaxmon: shut up i did not push you!

↳ yourusername: @/miaxmon whatever you say PUSHER

userone: since WHEN did she live with mia ???

↳ yourusername: since she begged me to live with her bc im awesome and sexy and she couldn't live without me (but actually for about six months!)

georgeclarkeey: she should have finished the job

↳ yourusername: smh silly george if she pushed me out the window then who else would the internet ship you with???

↳ georgeclarkeey: someone tolerable hopefully

↳ yourusername: i can see why you got stood up now

you have a new message from @/georgeclarkeey!

georgeclarkeey: now that was just cruel and uncalled for

yourusername: it was honesty which girl would show up for a date with you ???

georgeclarkeey: you hopefully

yourusername: you what???

georgeclarkeey: would you show up on a date with me?

yourusername: only if you said sorry for wanting mia to finish me off and that i am the best :)

georgeclarkeey: i just audibly sighed

georgeclarkeey: you are the best and i am sorry for saying i wanted mia to finish the job

georgeclarkeey: happy?

yourusername: absolutely

yourusername: so, a date?

georgeclarkeey: i was thinking a really tall building with loads of open windows. thoughts?

yourusername: you're sooooo funny george

georgeclarkeey: i know i know i'm hilarious

georgeclarkeey: i was actually thinking we could go to flight club and play darts

yourusername: i will beat you SO bad

georgeclarkeey: can't wait :)

yourusername: anyway, i thought you were really picky about who you go on dates with?

georgeclarkeey: i usually am

georgeclarkeey: i guess you just feel right

yourusername: are you this soppy with all your dates?

georgeclarkeey: well they usually don't show up so you'll be the first, obviously

georgeclarkeey: anyway i thought you were picky as well?

yourusername: okay shut up now george :)

[ladykailitha]

The Hellfire Exotic Club Part 9

Hey guys! Last week was a bit rough on all the chapters. So I'm hoping things pick up this week.

In his we have Nancy being nosy and Steve and Robin accidentally stumble on a part of the mystery.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

~

Robin and Steve were coming out of their appointment at the district attorney’s office when they spotted an unusual couple seating in the cafe across the street.

“Say, Robin,” Steve said tilting his head forward, “what say we try out that cafe today?”

At first Robin was confused then she spotted the duo, too. “You know, when you’re right, you’re right. I wonder if they pain au chocolats.”

“Oohh,” Steve said, rubbing his hands together. He loved those chocolate croissants as much as she did. “I wonder if they serve hot chocolate, too!” He liked coffee, but the mark of a good cafe in his opinion was their hot chocolate. The richer and darker the better.

They walked into the cafe. It was brightly lit and everything was in warm browns and bright yellows. Steve loved it immediately.

Turned out that not only did they have Robin’s pain au chocolats, they also had cheesecake by the slice. So Robin got her latte with her pain au chocolat and Steve got his hot chocolate with a slice a white chocolate raspberry cheesecake.

Then Steve and Robin sat down at table near their interesting couple and Robin turned on the record function on her phone with a wink, and then pulled a book out her purse and Steve pulled out his phone to scroll through social media.

They didn’t have to wait long before the couple said something stupid.

“What do you mean you’re not doing it anymore?” Billy hissed. “The goal was to get the new guy out.”

“Yeah,” Stella growled back. “To get your job back, but if I continue and that nosy bitch gets wind of it, we’ll both be out of job. Hell the whole club will be out of fucking job!”

“Tell me about it again,” Billy said with a heavy sigh.

So Stella went over the whole thing with Nancy and Jason again. “She rocketed to the top of journalism world in two short years, Billy. If she starts sniffing around and finds out about the attacks on Steve, she’ll blow up the whole joint without batting a single eyelash!”

“I thought you said they were exes or some shit,” Billy huffed. “Why the fuck does she still care for the guy? Like he’s not even that great of a dancer. He’s new and shiny, once the novelty wears off, people will slack off and Eddie will be begging me to come back.”

“Who knows,” Stella said, waving her hand dismissively. “But does that mean we can stop, at least until she writes her little article?”

“Yeah, baby,” he purred. “You can stop until the nosy little reporter get her rocks off and nothing happens, same as usual.”

Steve and Robin rolled their eyes as sounds of making out reached their eyes. Robin turned off her recording after making sure to get video of the two them kissing and giggling with each other.

Shortly after Billy and Stella left, probably to avoid getting kicked out for public indecency.

“So what do you think, Robs?” Steve said with a grin, “You think we should come back here more often?”

“Hell, yeah!”

~

“What do you mean you’re not going to do anything about it?” Steve protested. “I have evidence right there!”

“Steve...” Eddie said softly. “I get it. I do. But I want to catch them in the act, too. And if they’re gone to ground, then we wait them out. It’s hard. I know. You want justice and I do too, for you. But we have to play this smart. I’ll make copies of the recording and keep it safe. But let’s focus on keeping the club open so everyone still has jobs, yeah?”

Steve deflated and sat down hard in the chair. He put his hands between his legs. “I know the club is more important but to have that just fall in me and Robin’s lap. It just seemed like a sign you know?”

Eddie got up and walked around his desk. He knelt in front Steve and took his hand. “It is. It is exactly what we needed. We know who it is now. We can monitor them closely. Catch them in the act. But we have to tread carefully. Especially with Jason Carver and Nancy Wheeler teaming up to shut us down.”

Steve let out a shuddering breath and nodded. Eddie gently raised his head head by putting his fingers under the and gently raised it.

“Well get them good,” he promised. “But first tell me everything about Nancy Wheeler. I take you two were partners?”

Steve scoffed. “I was the only danseur who would put up with her diva attitude.” He shrugged. “Mainly because I could out bitch her. She was a talented ballerina, completely wasted on Indiana, but she didn’t want to leave her younger siblings when things were getting rough between their parents. It was a whole fucking mess.”

“You said that an understudy performed a leap wrong and that you got hurt?” Eddie murmured, squeezing Steve’s hand. “That must have been heartbreaking.”

“She lurched to the side,” Steve said, “and I pulled a muscle. And frankly I wasn’t heartbroken, I was relieved. I didn’t have to live up to other people’s expectations anymore.” He shrugged. “Did a couple of odd jobs like the ice cream shop where I met Robin. I stripped for a couple of years and made a decent amount of money, but the boss was a sleaze and would pay you based how willing you were to sleep with him. And since he was straight, you can imagine how that went.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “Oh, I know. Almost everyone of those people out there dancing for me have similar horror stories.”

“When we got the job at the rec center,” Steve continued, “we figured that it would be where we’d finally settle at. There were instructors there that had been there for ten years or more. We could finally make enough money for Robin to go to school and get her degree.”

“And then it fell apart.” Eddie was angry on their behalf. They shouldn’t have had the life they led. They were good people. “I’m really hoping that you and Robin will stay for as long as you need to.”

Steve smiled up at him. “For as long as these legs work, you’ve got me.” His breath caught when he realized how close they had gotten. Their breath mingled together. All he had to do was lean just a little more...

Then there was a sudden knock on the door. Eddie didn’t spring away, which Steve was grateful for, but he gave his hand a squeeze and stood up.

“Come in!” Eddie called, moving to lean against the desk as if he had been there the whole time.

Chrissy came in with a struggling Nancy Wheeler in tow. She pushed the journalist toward the second chair and closed the door tightly behind her. Chrissy sneered. “Look at who I found sniffing around the garbage bins.”

“Did you give her to Benny?” Eddie asked with a grin. “I’m mean if she’s dumpster diving for food, I’m sure we could persuade our cook to make up her something so she doesn’t starve.”

Nancy gave a disgruntled gasp at the very thought of her dumpster diving. “I beg your pardon!”

“Kinky,” Chrissy said wagging her eyebrows suggestively. “Who would have thought the princess was into BDSM?”

“I would never sink to the depths of depravity,” Nancy snapped, crossing her arms in front of her chest, “that you lot seem to sink to here.”

Steve shook his head. “I just don’t get it, Nance. You weren’t this militant about sex before. You weren’t a hippie by any means, but Jesus H. Christ, this is extreme.”

“If you would just walk away from this place,” she huffed, “maybe I wouldn’t have to push so hard. I’ve been hearing around that you’ve done pole dancing of some form since you left us, pretty much. You could have done anything with your craft but you chose to demean yourself by taking off your clothes for strangers!”

“Have you seen him strip?” Chrissy asked her honestly. “Because he’s good. I never got to see him do ballet, but he is sooo good at this.”

Nancy glared at her. “Of course I have,” she huffed. “Jason brought me here one night to show me what the depths this place sunk to. Everything was gaudy and over the top. Gold everywhere.”

Chrissy and Eddie shared a glance and then burst out laughing. Steve licked his lips as he tried to suppress a smile. He didn’t think he succeeded.

Nancy was looking at all of them in confusion. “What’s so funny?”

“You think Steve is a backup dancer?” Eddie asked wiping away a tear and holding his ribs with one hand. “Honey, he’s a headliner.”

Nancy glance back and forth between Steve and Eddie. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh Saturdays and Sundays,” Chrissy explained, “Steve is either part of the trio of co-headliners that include Eddie and me or his the main solo act. He’s Envy. And a damn fine one, too.”

“But why would you hire an outsider to fulfill a major spot like that?” Nancy huffed. “And why Steve? He was only the lead danseur because I insisted on it.”

“Fuck you too, Nance,” Steve spat. “I earned my place same as you. And if the director didn’t have a crush on you, you wouldn’t have been the lead in anything, your attitude notwithstanding.”

“Gross!” Nancy hissed, jumping to her feet. “You take that back! Murray Bauman did not have a crush on me. That’s disgusting.”

Steve rolled his eyes and crossed his legs. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, sweetheart.”

“If you’re out to get us closed down,” Eddie said, steering the conversation back around to the important part, his club, “you’ve got nothing. You’ve got worse than nothing. You’ve got hurt feelings and stubbornness that rivals God.”

“What about Steve falling off the stage?” she asked haughtily, looking down her nose at them. “It’s not safe, clearly!”

Steve snorted. “Like you actually care. Accidents happen.”

“Plus,” Chrissy said, tossing her hair over her shoulder, “one accident in God knows how long. I don’t remember a dancer having one in all the years I’ve been here. There’s always going to be accidents with patrons or wait and cooking staff. That’s inevitable.”

“You’re forgetting when Amy broke her leg,” Eddie said seriously. “That was about three years ago, though.”

Nancy eyes lit up at the idea of a morsel she could sink her teeth into. “Oh, yeah? What happened to her?”

Eddie and Chrissy shared a glance.

“Right,” Chrissy said, pushing Nancy toward the door. “I think that’s about enough of you. If you aren’t out of the parking lot in five minutes I’m having Eddie call the cops and hand them the recording of you snooping through our trash which is private property. Shoo!”

Nancy saw herself out and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

“Fuck.”

~

Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14

Tag List: CLOSED

1-@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @justforthedead89 @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

9- @dreamercec @sadisticaltarts @too-much-tma-stuff @dolphincliffs @chameleonhair

10- @themoonagainstmers @gloomysoup @novelnovella @micheledawn1975 @garden-of-gay

[denziezwhattfuck]

Just 141 and Los Vaqueros fighting over you again

-

Gaz: Who do you think you are to hug (Y/N) Soap?

Soap: Cause I'm his future husband? Ya mad or?

Ghost: Johnny when tf will he be your husband?

Soap: He's considering It "simon"

Ghost: Like hell we'll believe that

Gaz: Yeah? Like who would even date your ass? I'm more worth It for him

Ghost and Soap: Who's lying to you?

Gaz: Dont believe me then but I know that I myself am a better lover than you two

Soap: Keep dreaming Gaz I'm the one for him

Price: Not even close Soap I'm the one for him

Ghost: Shut up old man you dont even seem close with him

Price: You dont know that Ghost we spend time privately through nights watching.the sky together

Gaz: You lying?

Price: I never lie Gaz

Soap: THATS JUST PURE BULLSHIT

Ghost and Gaz: Definitely agree on that

Price: He enjoys spending time with me than you all so sit down

The 3 of em' : Fuck you

Price chuckled

Alejandro: Who's talking about my boyfriend?

Soap: Your boyfriend? Look who's the one lying.

Alejandro: Oh pendejo trust me I've spent much more time with (Y/N) than you all

Ghost: Got no proof on that Alejandro

Alejandro: I dont need proof Ghost

Ghost: Then we arent believing you through anything you say

Price: Mhm

Alejandro: Dont believe me just know that (Y/N) loves me more than you all in this room we're in right now

4 of em' : Bullshit

Rudy: Dont believe Alejandro I haven't seen him with (Y/N) in days and he's quite a liar himself

Alejandro: Shut up Rudy you dont know shit

Rudy: I know everything Alejandro, besides I spent way more time with him than you

Price: You aren't even that interactive Rudy so we dont believe anything ya say

Rudy: Oh but I only interact with him cause I love him? You all dont know SHIT

Soap: Damn, never knew Rudy would act like this

Gaz: Lies come out of everyone's mouth in this room

5 of em' : Shut It Gaz

Gaz: Just sayin' (I know (Y/N) loves me more)

Konig: You all are quite nosy you know?

Ghost: Fuck you mean Konig

He laughs

Konig: Guess what? (Y/N) is much more interactive with me than you all

Ghost: Never knew some big guy could lie that much

Konig: Fucking shut up Ghost and I'm saying the truth asshole

Ghost: Like we'll believe ya ass

Konig: Then dont? I dont need someone to believe me, but trust me when I say this he likes to talk to me more or spend time with rather than you all nosy bitches

6 of em' : Shut your mouth

He scoffs and rolled his eyes

Graves: Fuck you all talking bout'? He's the one for me

Price: Look at yourself first before saying that Graves

Graves: I'm confident with myself thank you very much also (Y/N) loves to hear me operate

Ghost: He cant even stand your noisy ass

Graves: Atleast he's observant unlike you all

Soap: Keep lying to yer self mate

Graves: Fucking believe me Ill claim him first

Alejandro: You have no chances

Graves: You dont know that Alejandro

Alejandro: I know everything

Rudy: Stop acting like you know "everything"

Alejandro: Shut up will ya Rudy

Rudy: No.

Ghost: Fucking hell..

-

TO BE CONTINUED!

(So sorry If I havent been posting Ideas aren't flowing through my kind it sucks honestly)

[admirationandromantics]

Who you belong to

Another request!! I love getting them, so please keep em coming!! This one is with Mike, and not necessarily safe for work 👀 Anyways, hope you like it. I have to remind people of this though, my blog is 18+ even though some of my work doesn't feature adult themes.

Word count: 1,6k (Unedited)

We both arrive back at the apartment, freezing from the cold snowy weather. The get-together was fine, mostly. Jess still tried to get all of Mike’s attention, and Hannah was giving him side glances too many times. I was on the verge of saying something, telling them both off, but Mike’s hand on mine gave me the reassurance I needed. 

“You know, he might seem all macho-man when he’s out with us, but are you really like that when you’re alone?” Josh smirks, eager to stir up something. I smile, turning my head and giving my boyfriend a small kiss on the cheek. His cheeks get redder, a slight smile in the corner of his lips as he tries hiding it. Josh laughs, glad that his hypothesis was true. The others murmur small ‘awwe’s in response to the small gesture. 

Mike leans over, capturing my lips in a possessive manner. His tongue makes a little contact with my lower lip. Everyone cheers, lifting their glasses and drinking. I move in tact with him, hand going up his chest. 

“Ew guys, get a room” Jess complains, rolling her eyes. I push him away, hoping that my foundation covers the warmth on my face. 

“Chill, it was just a little kiss” Mike coos, arm going around me. The room laughs yet again before we go back to the conversation at hand. Jess continues nitpicking, making an occasional comment about my makeup or style. When will this end?

The apartment is dark and cold, and the first thing I do is put on the heater. The appliance starts vibrating, warm air blasting out. I hold my hands forth, warming them while Mike takes off his jacket. 

“Jess was being extra nosy today” I state, looking over at him as he walks over. He sits down behind me, arms going around my upper body, hugging tight. 

“She was being a bitch” 

“Yeah, I know, but she’s never been this bad before” 

He hums, unsure about how to deal with the situation. I know why he hasn’t told her off yet. If he did, she would complain to Emily, and god knows what they’ll come up with to say to the others. The group dynamic would be completely wrong. 

“Just give her time, we’ll let her know that nothing is breaking us up” he comforts, planting small kisses on my neck. I sigh into his embrace. I'm so grateful to him, so much. If he hadn’t been there to calm me down, I would have said a lot of things I’d regret. I stand up, getting out of his warm arms. The light is still off, and we should probably warm up the rest of the apartment, opening the doors to let the air in. He follows as I switch on the light, but he turns it off again in a teasing manner. 

“Not good” I laugh at his weirdly sexual attempt to set the mood, and switch on the light again. He turns it off, smirking at my refusal. 

“We need light”

“Maybe we don’t” 

His arms go to take off my jacket, hanging it on the rack behind me. He turns around, arms going around me and pulling me in for a kiss. It’s much rougher than the one on the outing, his tongue immediately breaking through my defences and roaming through my mouth. I moan into him, and he grabs me harder, hand moving down from my back to my ass. 

I slowly move backwards, and he follows suit until my back hits the wall. His free hand moves up my chest and collar, finally stopping on my throat. Me squeezes, causing me to let out a breathy gasp. His hand on my ass pushes my lower body against his pelvis, letting him fully grind on me, while devouring my lips. 

“You liked them thinking that you had all the control huh?” 

I hum in response, unable to conjure words. 

“Trying to show Jess who I belong to?” 

He moves to my jaw, leaving a trail of kisses down to his thumb on my neck. 

“How about I just show them who you belong to, you alone?” he bites my skin, leading to a number of melodies leaving my mouth. 

“Mike, I-” 

“Shhh, I’m talking” 

I let him continue whispering sweet nothings in my ear, his hand moving up to my breasts and kneading harshly. 

“You’re gonna do exactly as I say, whenever I say it” 

“Okay” 

He moves us to the couch, leaning over me as he resumes his attack on my neck. I moan in reply, feeling him smirk against my skin from the erotic sounds he gets out of me. When did I turn to putty? When did I start feeling so vulnerable and helpless against him? 

“Yeah, you know who the only person who can make you sound like that?” 

His hands find the hem of my top, pulling it over my head. I whimper from the cold, feeling goosebumps all over. 

“Only me darling, only me” 

He moves down to my breast, easily getting the bra unhooked. No time is wasted as he takes me into his mouth, sucking and biting, leaving red and blue marks all over my upper body. He nibbles at my piercings, taking them into his mouth and dragging till I scream out in pain. 

“That’s right” 

He sits up, dragging off his shirt in a fast manner before moving on to his belt. I do the same, pulling off my leggings, leaving me only in my panties. His body moves back over me, pressing me down into the cushions. My legs automatically go around his torso, pulling him deeper. His knee finds its place between my legs, letting me grind down on him. 

He pulls down, kissing all the way from my stomach to my thighs. I whimper at the lack of attention my pussy gets, throbbing and wet with desire. 

“Mike” 

“Don’t get too eager” 

He bites down on the flesh, making me shout out in pain. His hand moves to my stomach, holding my body down as he licks the sore and painful spot. His other one goes to my folds, feeling over the thin soaked fabric. He grabs hold of them, dragging them down my legs and off my feet. The coldness hits my core, making me crave him even more. 

His head makes its way down, his tongue taking a long lick. “Fuck” I whimper, wanting him to stop teasing. He laughs in response, tracing his fingers around, messing with me. 

“Mike, please” 

“You sure you want me to?”

“YES!” 

“Okay, okay, no need to yell at me” 

His mouth goes straight to my clit, sucking and rubbing in circles. Two of his fingers carefully grace my folds before slamming into me. I moan out loudly, unable to control my sounds as he pleasures me. My core builds up as he keeps going, occasionally curling his fingers inside me to fuel the process. 

“M-Mike I’m gonna-”

“Do it” he demands, breathing hot and voice heavy, sending vibrations to my clit and a chill down my spine. I can’t hold on much longer, coming all over his fingers and mouth. I try to catch my breath, riding out the ecstasy as he slowly removes himself. 

He stands up, taking off his boxers and throwing them on the floor. He’s hard, very hard, completely ready to ravage me. I look up at him in awe, eyes going over his tensed up packed muscles. The little light from the moon shines on him, highlighting every shown curve. He smiles as he gets on top of me, capturing my lips yet again. It’s wet and passionate, like he’s starving and only I can satisfy his hunger. His tip graces over my folds, coating himself in my juices. 

“You ready?” 

“Yes” 

That’s the only approval he needs, and he shoves himself inside slowly. I give a loud moan as he fills me, him grunting at the same time. 

“You’re taking me so well” 

He leans over me, capturing my lips in a soft kiss before starting to move. We both swallow each other’s pleasurable sounds, eating each other up while he moves in and out of me. I feel my heat building up once again, his thrust becoming harder and faster. 

“Turn around” he commands. 

I do as asked, rolling around to lie on my stomach. His hands wander over my ass, gracing over the soft skin. I feel his body over mine, leaning over so we’re chest to back. His arm goes to steady himself on the couch beside my face. His other hand finds its way to my throat, putting pressure around me. I feel him against my folds once again, pushing himself inside in a quick manner. I make a loud moan, but my head gets dizzy as I struggle to breathe in. 

“What, you like being tortured like this? You like having me decide whether you breathe or not?” 

I let out a choked yes, unable to conjure any other words. He keeps up the steady pace, and I start to near my end, head in the clouds from the way he’s fucking me. I hear it in his voice as well, breathing rapidly and letting out his own moans as he keeps going. He removes the choking hand, moving it down to my clit and rubbing soft circles. 

“God, Mike!” 

I come again, all over his cock, clenching around him and making him reach his high faster. He buries himself, body falling on top of mine, barely holding himself up. 

“Are you okay?” I ask, turning around, making his head rest against my chest. He starts kissing me, each one tactical and sweet. 

“We’re not done until all that dark makeup is dripping down your cheeks”

[targaryenrealnessdarling]

No Pain, No Gain | Part 1 | PersonalTrainer!Aemond x fem!reader

Summary: The personal trainer your roommate Baela recommended to you is rude, condescending but also hot as hell. Series Masterlist.

A/N: shoutout to my personal trainer Alex for rotting my brain. This is my first modern!Aemond fic, so any feedback is genuinely appreciated, I hope you enjoy this, it was an absolute ball to write (and there will be more!)

Also I could not post this without tagging some absolute modern!Aemond QUEENS who inspired me to write this. @valeskafics @oneeyedvisenya @sapphire-writes​ you’re the real ones! Also massive hug to @ewanmitchellcrumbs​ for hyping me up and being a parent to this child she didn't choose to create.

warnings: EVENTUAL SMUT, 18+, sexual tension, binge eating, mentions of breakup, cursing, dickhead Aemond, reader is horny af, English slang (soz), warnings will be added when needed

To say you were broken-hearted would be a bit of an understatement.

You were angry, annoyed, frustrated, wound up tight and pissed off to the highest degree.

And it showed in how you acted these days as you polished off the salty family-size bag of crisps on your own in 10 minutes flat.

You look over at your phone and sigh when you see it’s already 6 o’clock in the afternoon. Another day sat on the sofa, wallowing in self-pity, eating yourself into oblivion and fairly soon pouring a glass of Baela’s finest white wine (now that it was officially almost evening anyway and it was justified).

Scrolling through instagram was like twisting the dagger that was already in your chest. All that stupid fucking app could show you was ‘ex in the bar with his new girlfriend’, ‘ex in the drive-thru with his new girlfriend’, ‘ex on the beach with his new girlfriend’.

It made you want to throw your phone directly at the wall. But you settled for squeezing the life out of it, imagining it was your ex’s stupid face instead.

The absolute waste of space had broken up with you over text on the night you were supposed to go out on a date. And as if that was not bad enough, not even two weeks had gone by before he’d managed to stick his dick into someone else with a pulse. At the time, you were so angry that you didn’t accuse him of anything, he’d already broken up with you. But you did suspect that this ‘sudden’ relationship he’d gotten into wasn’t as recent as first thought. 

It’s been a month since you found out about the other woman.

And clearly you were coping really well.

Indulging wasn’t something you usually did, but now you feel you deserved it. 

“Hello~” the soft, ringing voice of your roommate Baela was at the door. You half-considered hiding all the packets of various foods you’d managed to stuff down your gob, but Baela had seen worse of you. She’d seen you while you were throwing your guts up after freshers week at university. Nothing was worse than that and you shuddered at the memory.

She walks in, looking more put together than you by a long way, having been hanging out with her sister all day. That’s what you like about Baela, she’s not judgemental, and so when she sees you’ve barely moved an inch she just flashes her usual smile.

“Good day then?” she says with a smirk. You raise your eyebrows in return.

“Apart from seeing him plastered all over instagram I’m great” 

“Got any left?” she asks, extending a greedy hand for a crisp. You offer her the bag with a sigh as she slumps on the sofa next to you. She watches boredly whatever you have on the TV,

"Why don't you just block him?" She asks. And to be fair, she has a point.

But you huff and shove another crisp in your mouth, whining, "Cos I'm a nosy bitch with no boundaries"

Baela sighs, pulling out her own phone and scrolling through her notifications, "As much as I love you y/n, this is pathetic, even for you"

You'd be offended if she wasn't completely right. And you know she's only half joking so you just shrug.

"How was Rhaena?" You ask.

"Yeah fine, usual shit with Dad. Oh I didn't tell you-" she starts.

She has that glint in her eye which spells trouble. She's got gossip and you raise your eyebrows in anticipation.

"Hold that thought, wine first?"

"Obviously"

After giggling and waltzing over to the counter to pour two glasses of the finest box wine you could get for under seven English pounds, you hand her one and wait almost too excitedly for her to spill whatever sweet gossip she has.

She sips it, almost like she needs the liquid courage to begin, and she hisses at the sweet, acidic taste.

"God that's foul" 

"It was 2 for 1!" You retort with a laugh, but she is right, it does taste foul, "Stop stalling, tell me tell me tell me" 

She looks at you as if to say bitch, you are not fucking ready.

“Dad’s married Rhaenyra” 

The force of which your jaw drops open is almost comical. You’d guessed for a while that they were at least fucking, but to just elope?!

“I need money, cos I betted on this shit happening!” 

“Oh my gosh, Rhaena was fucking hysterical. Jace and Luke aren’t surprised at all, but Alicent is beside herself in the family group chat, it should honestly be a reality TV show” Baela says scrolling through said group chat. From what you can see without being too nosy, is that there’s a lot of long paragraphs and angry emojis.

“What about Viserys, surely he’s…” you ask, trailing off to sip the pissy wine in your hands.

“Oh no, he’s thrilled. Which pisses Alicent off even more if that’s possible”

“Baela I think your Uncle’s gone insane” you bite your lip to stifle a laugh.

“No fucking kidding”

You slump back onto the sofa, “Holy shit, I am a genius. I knew the whole time” you say, smirking in victory.

“And so humble too” Baela gives a sarcastic grin which you return.

“How do you feel about it?”

Baela shucks her phone onto the coffee table, sighing, “Not bothered, we’re all adults now, so it hardly makes a difference to me. Suppose it’ll get Dad to stop bringing back random women now” she says exasperated, “but Rhaenyra gets the impression we’re all really bothered so she’s invited us all to a retreat for a week. Think she just wants to butter us up for marrying our Dad”

“Oh? Anywhere nice?”

Baela looks over, giving you a wearied look.

“What?”

“Well that brings me to you”

“Oh god, what” you ask, dropping the tone to emphasise the seriousness of the talk all of a sudden.

Baela fiddles with the remote, in an attempt to appear cute, “Well~ There’s a spare ticket going and you’re my bestest friend. And I would hate to endure a week of watching my Dad eat Rhaenyra’s face off, so come with me please?” she begs.

You sigh, “Baela usually I would love to sponge off you like that but-”

“Pleasepleaseplease~” she begs, “Rhaena’s bringing her boyfriend and we’re basically together!” 

You fake a gagging sound.

“Oh come on, a week on a beach in bikinis,sweltering weather with as many cocktails as you can hold isn’t exactly torture”

You give her an incredulous look, opening your arms to emphasise all the bags of junk food around you, “Do I look beach body ready to you?!”

“Oh fuck off, you’re hot and have an ass that can keep the world fed” 

“I know I am hot, I just don’t feel hot” you stare blankly at the TV, trying to ignore her and stuff another crisp into your mouth.

Baela sighs, “I was just thinking it would be a nice distraction, that’s all” 

“I want to it’s just…” you start, trying to think of the right words, “...I don’t feel my best”

Baela gives you a playful slap on your arm, “Look, forget your ex, he’s dumb as fuck and it’s not solving anything by staying inside with the curtains drawn all day. If you want to feel better, might be worth taking care of yourself a bit, hm?” 

Fuck her, you think, rolling your eyes, she’s right.

You hate how often she’s right. Because she gets that look on her face when she is. Always has done.

“How about that gym membership you’ve not used since February?” she asks,

“Okay firstly, ouch. Secondly, I realised I don’t know the first thing about how to work out in a gym, besides the guys there were…weird”

You shudder at the thought. It was January and so all the new year’s resolution guys were at it in full swing, using the gym as a means to try and pick up girls. And since graduating you find that more often than not the guys who hit on you were students. Maybe it was different now?

Baela pokes her cheek with her tongue, racking her brain.

“One of my cousins is a personal trainer? I could text him to see if he’s happy to take you on. Mates rates” she smiles.

You side-eye her hard. You’ve heard briefly about her cousins. Some of the stories are a bit more…eccentric than others. And even though you’ve never met them, you’ve heard enough stories to satisfy your curiosity. 

“This isn’t the manwhore cousin, right? Because if it is then no” 

She scoffs, “No. Aegon hasn’t set food in a gym since graduating and he only went cos it was free. The personal trainer one is Aemond. He’s a bit…anti-social?” she pulls a face when she says it.

“He’s anti-social and he’s a personal trainer?” you ask, eyebrow raised, “makes so much sense”

Baela scrolls through her contacts, “Yeahhh. Don’t worry though, he’s just grumpy” she explains, “want me to text him?”

Your head falls to the edge of the sofa in a huff. You want to go and on top of that, it might be nice to finally have a break. That and you’d love to shove it in your exes face when he sees you’re on holiday looking your hottest. 

“How long ‘til the holiday?”

Baela grins victoriously, “A month and a bit. He does a month course for stuff like this, I can ask him about it”

What the fuck am I getting myself into, you think briefly.

Fuck it.

“Fine”

The force at which Baela’s nails tap against the screen is almost desperate.

Baela snorts a laugh at the message and turns her phone to show you the messages.

“He seems lovely” you roll your eyes sarcastically.

“Like I said, he’s just grumpy. He’ll be professional though” she says.

You sigh, crushing the empty bag of crisps in your hands.

“Can’t wait” 

After following him on instagram, you did a bit of shameless stalking. You’d heard a little bit about Aemond from Baela talking about her family, but he seemed the most mysterious out of all of them (save for the youngest whose name she struggled to even remember). 

He had very little photos of himself, mainly progress pictures of other clients he’s helped. And he seems to be pretty successful so far. A girl with a similar body to you managed to get toned on his one-month program and looked hot afterwards, so you had some high hopes that it was possible for you as well. But you did wonder what he looked like. There were only two photos where he was in frame, and he’d been tagged by another person, looking away from the camera.

From what you could see, he was very tall, lithe and slim but built, with silver hair that had been pulled up into a bun. Ah, so he’s a man-bun type of guy. Yikes. 

Unfortunately, the photo showed very little of his face, so you couldn’t be too nosy.

You sent a very brief message, introducing yourself, trying not to cringe at the idea that he might be doing the exact same stalking to your instagram right at this moment. A shiver went up your spine at the thought. 

It’s only when you’re in TKMaxx with Baela, shopping for gym gear the next day, that you finally get a reply from him. 

“What do you think of just wearing a sports bra?” Baela says, eyeing up a black shirt.

You’re too busy staring at the message, “Hm? Oh, I’d just go in gym leggings and a bra yeah. Just got a reply from your mysterious cousin”

Baela hops over, “What’s he said? Nothing bad I hope” she grins.

 You show her the screen.

Baela raises her eyebrows, “Very formal. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised” she says, seeming surprised that he’s at least cordial.

“It’s very ‘serial-killer-esque’ of him not to have a profile picture” you joke, locking your phone again.

Baela picks out a black gym set. Black leggings with a mesh pocket on the side for your phone and a black sports bra. You nod, “Yeah looks good to me”

“Oh please you’re gonna look hot in this” she smirks, leading you over to the counter to pay.

She rewards you for your efforts by driving you to McDonald's drive-thru. A send off to junk-food so to speak.

And when Monday rolls around, you nod in the mirror. She was right, it does look hot on you. At least in the safety of your flat where there’s nobody to look at you. In a gym, surrounded by other fit people and a personal trainer you’ve never met? It might feel slightly different.

There’s a faint swirl of anxiety in your gut but you pull your trainers on, grab a hair tie from your nightstand and drive to the gym you’ve agreed to meet at. Luckily it’s your local gym, large and packed to the brim with some good equipment at least. And you briefly wonder what kind of workouts you’ll be doing before pulling into the car park.

You see him as soon as you enter the gym. He’s very tall, slender but muscular and fucking gorgeous. What the fuck, is all you can think when you shamelessly scan him from head to toe. Like the pictures, he has his long silver hair in a bun, with a few pieces having come free and falling around his face. His legs are miles long in the black sweats he’s wearing, as well as the black top that sticks a bit too snugly to his front and shoulders, making your mouth water a bit.

And you can’t help but admire his side profile, how his jaw just so naturally and sharply juts into his chin. How his cheekbones sit so prominently and high on his face, framing his features. His sharp, defined nose. And you can’t see from here because he’s looking down at his phone, but his eyelashes are unnaturally long for a man. It’s just unfair, frankly.

Shaking yourself briefly from the trance you were in, you right yourself and approach him.

He looks up to see you before you even have a chance to open your mouth. Now that he's looking at you face on, you can see the shocking blue of his right eye and the paler, soft hue of the other. Not only that but the angry scar that ran down the side of his face, extending from his forehead to the mid part of his cheek, straight through the eye.

You look at it for a split second, surmising that perhaps he's partially sighted or blind in that eye. But you choose not to say anything and instead smile with an awkward wave.

"Hey, you must be Aemond"

He openly drags his eyes over you, from head to toe, just like you did a moment ago without his knowledge. But now that you're standing right in front of him, in the gym gear that you totally don't feel a bit self conscious in, it feels a bit weird.

He doesn't reply for a moment.

"I'm y/n" you say, forcing a smile to your nervous face.

"Hm" he responds lowly, "Baela's friend" 

You pull an awkward face and nod.

You feel so stupidly small against this absolute giraffe of a man and you daren't step forward any more, for fear of looking even smaller under his judgemental and indifferent gaze.

He sighs and gestures for you to follow him, seeming disinterested as he looks down at his phone. For a brief second you wonder how this guy keeps his clients if he's this rude, but you shake the thought away, not wanting to judge too quickly.

He leads you into one of the consultation rooms, separate from the rest of the gym. He sits on one of the seats, sighing as if he's had the hardest day in the world and taking a swig of water from his bottle.

Sat across from him, you feel a bit small under his gaze. He's quite intimidating, you now find.

"Have you ever worked out before" he asks flatly.

You shrug, "I've tried I guess, but never super seriously" you laugh awkwardly, but he doesn't return it.

He runs his eyes over you again, as if to say yeah I can see that.

"Stand up. Shoes off. We're going to take your weight and measurements" he orders, going to his bag to grab some things.

It's beyond awkward and quiet in the room with him as he idly takes down your weight, height and current eating habits, which you've had to be more honest about than you'd cared to admit.

Standing in the middle of the room, he twirls his measuring tape on his fingers. He measures your upper body first, which isn't too bad until he gets to your bust. You try and look anywhere else in the room while he measures across it, his fingers landing softly at either arm, taking a note of the measurement. You internally scold yourself, he is so much taller and surely must be able to see right down the sports bra. It only serves to make your face heat up with embarrassment.

If that wasn't enough, he gets to your lower body, measuring your hips and then thighs. He gets to his knees to do it and you resist the urge to pull your hands into fists at the proximity of him to your intimate area, separated only by a thin pair of gym leggings and underwear.

He doesn't seem to bother himself with the awkwardness. And every time you look at his face, he seems indifferent, bored even. Even then, his face is unnaturally beautiful, even with the scar.

He must really not like people.

Aemond sighs having taken all his notes.

"We'll do one training session and see how much weight we can do" he instructs. You nod.

"I expect you to be in the gym four times a week, three in the week and once at the weekend. We'll do one session together a week so I can check your progress" 

His tone is so flat, all you can do is nod. He looks at you,

"Got it?" 

Your cheeks heat up, "Um, yeah"

"Good"

He leads you outside to the actual gym floor which luckily isn't too busy, side-eyeing you massively when you pull your hair up into a ponytail to get it off your neck.

His large form leads you over to where the mats are kept, haphazardly throwing two to the floor.

He doesn't say anything past one or two word commands and it's incredibly difficult to not look in the mirror in front of you to watch him as he stretches. The way he stretches his arms over his head and it lifts the hem of his shirt a little, showing his happy trail, biceps rippling.

And when he does leg stretches, instructing you to do the same, you can't help but stare at how his thighs are basically bulging out from his sweats. It takes all of your strength and will to not look any higher than that towards his hips.

He watches your form as you try and copy him stretching. And your heart almost leaps into your chest when he uses his hand to move your ankle slightly, so that you put pressure on a certain muscle. But he focuses completely, professional.

Fuck, be professional.

All caution is thrown completely to the wind when he gets you on machines. He demonstrates some of them first, starting with the so-called 'easier' ones, like the inner and outer thigh machines that look way too…suggestive.

Of course, he's got it on a ridiculous weight to demonstrate which makes you scoff a bit. And when you get on the inner thigh machine, it locks into place with your legs spread. You thank every god there is that there's no mirror in front of you on this machine.

"You have to start with your legs spread as much as possible" he states simply, pushing the pads against your legs even further. It makes your eyes widen, sinful thoughts pop up in your head. But before they take root you shake them away.

It's ridiculously hard the first few times and he raises an eyebrow.

"Really?" He mocks a bit, the tiniest of smirks on his face "you're only on 14kg" 

"Fuck off" you mutter under your breath. He tuts and changes it to 9kg, bruising your ego a bit. But you finish the set nonetheless.

You think he's a bit of a psycho, because after that little remark he has you on every leg machine available. Making fun every time you have to be on the lowest weight.

After the session, you're aching in places you didn't even know existed and you haven't even rested yet. Knowing full well you'll be achy as fuck tomorrow and even wlrse than right now. The faintest sheen of sweet is visible on your pinkened chest.

"You're weaker than I thought" 

He runs his long fingers through his hair and you want to slap that stupid fucking self-indulgent look off his smug face seeing you all out of puff like this.

"Thanks, means a lot" you say sarcastically, drinking from a water bottle. He raises an eyebrow at the attitude.

"I'll send you your workout plan. If you have any issues do me a favour and don't bother me with them" he retorts.

"Charming" you mutter under your breath once he's gone past you. You watch as he walks away, briefly appreciating his broad shoulders, until the sour taste of his poor behaviour settles in. And you huff, texting Baela immediately.

You curse every god there is that you drive a manual car, because right now the thought of having your aching leg pressing on the clutch pedal might actually drive you to mass-murder.

This is going to be a long month.

Taglist: @mrsgrwy @lovelykhaleesiii

[bingwriterxo]

the shakespeare exhibit - part 4

pairing: tara carpenter x reader

summary: in which you take tara on a surprise date

warnings: none

word count: 1700+

author's note: i'm gonna throw up from the fluff

previous part | next part

“So, where are we going this time?” Please not Shakespeare in the park. Please not Shakespeare in the park, Tara thought as she stared up at you, waiting for your response.

You grinned at her. “I can’t tell you! That ruins the whole point of a surprise date!”

Tara frowned. “Fine. Be like that,” she huffed, faking annoyance. She leaned back in her seat, glancing around the subway car at the other riders. There were a few men in business suits, a couple of other teenagers, and…a mime? What the fuck? Otherwise, it was surprisingly empty for a New York City subway on a Saturday afternoon.

She glanced at you, tracing your side profile with her eyes as your own eyes flitted around the car, your leg bouncing up and down. Before she could ask why you seemed anxious, you leaned over.

“I’m still not used to the city transportation,” you confessed. “I usually just walk to the university, or I drive if I have to go somewhere farther away.”

Tara placed a hand on your knee to help your fidgeting. “Hey, it’s okay. Everything’s gonna be fine, alright?” She smiled at you. “I’ve become a bit of a pro at the subway in the past few months, if I do say so myself, so I’ve got you.”

You chuckled. “Oh yeah? Gonna protect me from any bad guys?”

“Oh, definitely.” If I can beat motherfucking Ghostface, I can beat anyone. “You’d be surprised at what I’m capable of.” You tilted your head at her, confused. That’s a story for a later date. “You’re safe with me.” You nodded, and an idea popped into Tara’s head. “Would music make you feel better? That usually calms you down.”

You shrugged half-heartedly. “Yeah, but I didn’t bring my headphones.”

She pulled her airpods from her pocket and waved them around. “Good thing I never leave the apartment without mine.” She popped them out of her case, handing one to you while she shoved the other in her own ear. Once they were connected to her phone, she scrolled through her Spotify for a song.

‘Saturn’ by Sleeping At Last started playing, and Tara watched as you visibly relaxed, allowing your shoulders to slump, before you turned to her, your eyebrows furrowed. “You don’t like this kind of music,” you said.

She shrugged. “No, but you do.”

Your eyes widened. “You remembered?”

Why wouldn’t I? “Of course I did.” I made a whole playlist full of songs you like, nerd.

You smiled shyly and wrinkled your nose, a blush tinting your skin. “You’re such a simp, Tar.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m changing the song.” Before you could get another word out, ‘Not Strong Enough’ by Boygenius was blasting through the headphones instead. You bit back a smile as the first few cords filled your ears, and Tara stuck her tongue out teasingly at you.

“Jokes on you,” you said. “I like this song, too.”

Oh, I know, she thought. It’s on the playlist.

* * *

“This feels like a kidnapping,” Tara stated as she walked around, her vision blocked out by your hands. Her own arms were waving around in front of her so that she wouldn’t walk into anything or anyone, and her feet were stumbling along as you led her to an unknown location.

“Tara, if I was gonna kidnap you, I wouldn’t have told Mindy where we were going,” you said, your voice close to Tara’s ear, and she shivered.

Wait. What? “Mindy knows? Why does Mindy know?” Why is that bitch always in the middle of my shit? Nosy fucker.

“Because she asked and I told her.” You shrugged. “Plus, I don’t have Sam’s number yet, and I didn’t want her to think I was kidnapping you, so I had Mindy tell her where we were going.”

Okay. That’s fucking adorable of her. “Well, are we almost there? I don’t love not being able to see.”

You hummed. “Two more steps.” One. Two. Tara planted her feet on the ground. “I didn’t literally mean two more,” you huffed. “But I guess this works.” You uncovered her eyes, and Tara blinked at the sudden brightness.

She looked up at the large, white building you had stopped in front of, her eyes widening and jaw dropping. “No way! This is--”

“The Museum of Moving Image,” you said, grinning at her. “I thought you might like it--”

You weren’t able to finish as Tara grabbed your wrist and pulled you into a kiss, her lips pressed against yours as she tried to express all of the gratitude and joy she had in her body. That’s it, she thought. Case closed. She’s the one.

She pulled away, smiling so hard that her dimples were showing and the corners of her eyes were crinkled. “Well, come on!” she exclaimed, tugging you toward the front door. You were still stuck in a daze, your eyes half-lidded and mouth agape. “Let’s go!”

Tara giggled as you staggered behind her through the entrance until finally regaining your footing. You tossed your arm over her shoulders and led her to the ticket booth.

“Two tickets, please,” you said to the guy working at the counter, and he smiled.

“Sure, sure.” He rang you up quickly, sliding the tickets toward you, and when you reached out to grab them, he asked, “You haven’t been here before, have you?”

You shook your head. “Nope. It’s our first time.”

He nodded, and Tara watched as his eyes flitted down, stopping at your chest for a second before glancing back up at you. “I can tell. I’m sure I’d remember a face like yours.” He winked, and she felt like throwing up.

Does he not see her arm around my shoulders? Fucking idiot. She pushed herself further into your side, scowling at him. He paid her no mind as he winked slyly, and you hummed.

“Do you have a photographic memory or something?” Your eyes widened. “That’d be so cool! I wish I had a photographic memory. It would make learning plays and poems so much easier.”

The guy looked taken aback, his eyebrows furrowing. “What? No, I’m just saying you’re gorgeous is all.”

“Oh.” You frowned. “That’s less cool.”

And this is why you date the oblivious ones, Tara thought, internally laughing at the fact that you hadn’t realized the ticket boy was flirting with you.

“We’ll be going now,” she stated, inserting herself into the conversation and taking the tickets. She didn’t spare him a second glance as she turned the two of you around.

“Well, if you need any help or anything, you know where to find me!” the guy called, and Tara scoffed.

“No thanks!”

“That was weird, I think,” you said once you were out of earshot. “I don’t really know what just happened.”

She’s such a fool. Tara glanced up at you with a smile, and you returned it easily. A cute, adorable, chivalrous fool, but a fool nonetheless.

She patted you on the back before slipping her arm around your waist. “That’s okay, babe. Don’t worry about it.” You blushed from the nickname and Tara handed your tickets to an employee, who waved the two of you in.

“So, where to first?” you asked.

* * *

For hours, Tara pulled you from exhibit to exhibit, happily answering any questions you had (there were a lot of them--your extensive knowledge didn’t stretch far beyond literature) and you listened closely, smiling whenever she ended up rambling about something.

The last exhibit was the one Tara was most excited for, and she lit up as she ventured into it, eyes jumping around the room as she scanned different artifacts from filming history. There were microphones, cameras, costumes, projectors--basically everything a film major would love.

“Oh my god,” she breathed out, tugging you toward the closest item. “This is the first ever boom microphone.”

“It’s very…big,” you said. “I thought boom microphones were smaller.”

She nodded, never taking her eyes off of the object. “They are, but they didn’t have much to work with back in the ‘20s.” She pulled away from you slightly so that she could get as close as possible. “Dorothy Arzner decided to put the microphone on a fishing rod during the filming of The Wild Party because there was too much movement on set, so any mics hidden in clothes didn’t work.”

She turned to you, grinning from ear to ear, and chuckled as you furrowed your eyebrows, tilting your head at her. “And Dorothy Arzner is…?”

“She was a filmmaker back in the ‘20s and ‘30s. Plus, she was one of America’s first lesbian filmmakers.”

You hummed, stepping forward and wrapping your arms over Tara’s shoulders, pulling her back into your front. “I see. And is that why you’re so knowledgeable about Arzner’s work?”

“Somewhat.” She shrugged. “She just did so many things for film, it’s hard not to know about her.”

You giggled, and Tara felt it against her spine, her heart hammering at the sound. “I feel how you must feel whenever I talk about literature,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

I could stay like this forever, she thought. Right here, in her arms, looking at this damn microphone. “We’re both nerds, aren’t we?” she asked.

“You’re only just realizing this now?”

She pushed against you. “Shut up.” She turned in your arms, looking up at you. “You’re nerdier. You know that, right?”

You narrowed your eyes, a teasing smile on your face. “If it helps you sleep at night, then I’ll say yes.”

Tara rolled her eyes. “I’ve got something else you should say yes to instead.”

“And that is?”

Don’t stutter. Just…say it. She inhaled deeply and asked, “Be my girlfriend?”

“Wait.” You frowned, furrowing your eyebrows a little. “Are we not already girlfriends?”

“Huh?”

“You told Mindy I was your girlfriend.”

Tara blushed, remembering her slip up from the other night. “I got ahead of myself when I said that.”

You grinned. “Too excited over me? You little simp.”

“If you keep calling me a simp, I’m gonna take my question back.” No I won’t. I would never.

“Sure you would, Tar.” She knows me too well. You giggled and pressed your forehead against hers. “I would love to be your girlfriend,” you said before kissing her. “‘For her own person, it beggar’d all description: she did lie--’”

“Are you quoting Shakespeare to me right now? Right now?”

You blushed. “...Yes.”

[petit-naldo]

JEALOUSY

Charles had never experienced jealousy. When you were Charles Leclerc, there were very few things you had a reason to be jealous of. Don’t get me wrong, he had his fair share of tragedies. But when it came to petty jealousy, he was kind of immune.

He had the prettiest girls, the best clothes, the best cars, the best team.

He had the prettiest girls, the best clothes, the best cars, the best team.

So it takes him a moment to realize what that burning feeling in his chest stands for.

It happens, for example, when Carlos is holding Lando's hand AND looking at him for what feels like an eternity in the hallway before the sprint. And this strange feeling makes him uncomfortable and angry, so he tries to intervene. And he does it in the stupidest way possible.

He puts his hand on their handshake. Because he's getting angrier by the second.

He just wants them to stop touching.

Of course, there are cameras capturing his stupid move.

He doesn't really know why he did it.

 He's known for a very long time that Carlos and Lando are really good friends, it never bothered him more than that. But lately they seemed to have some kind of renewed spark, giggling and hugging on the podium.

Even though Carlos said they're his two favorite teammates.

It still bothers him.

 Yeah, right. It's the fourth year, Carlos, and we've been laughing every damn day, why can't you say I'm your favorite teammate?

Maybe something changed last week in Monaco. In fact, if Charles is honest with himself, he knows exactly what ignited a little fireball in his belly. It was right after the Monte Carlo Masters final. He was talking to George and Carmen in the VIP hospitality area. George was a good friend of Lando's. Of course, because Lando was so charming. Lando sitting with a pretty blonde across the court. And George, always the first with gossip, smiled and raised his eyebrows.

"So, he’s back to girls...," Carmen laughs as if she perfectly understands what it means. And Charles frowns.

"What do you mean?"

"You know," answers George, moving his face in a suggestive way.

"Mmh, ah yeah," answers Charles, who really DOESN’T know but can’t really imagine anything besides one thing. Is Lando bi ?

He can’t keep this idea out of his head. So one night in Shanghai, while he and Carlos are sat on boxes outside the Ferrari garage, softly chit-chatting and the dusk is wrapping them in blue and purple and the frogs are starting to wake up, he tries to bring up the subject as casually as he can.

He first pushes the direction of the conversation towards the tournament.

"Weren’t you a bit disappointed? I think the semi-finals were more interesting matches."

Carlos answers and says it’s okay, but what he’d really like to do is go to Roland Garros. Watch Nadal's final game. Shit. Charles prompts again, redirecting.

"Were you with Lando?"

"No, he was with a girl." Jackpooot. He switches with what he hopes is the most casual tone he could adopt.

"Oh yeah, it’s true... by the way, ahah, George told me he was surprised because… well, he said Lando used to… date boys."

"Ah, George, such a nosy bitch," Carlos says, looking at his phone without bothering to respond any further.

Charles bites his lip. He wants his answer. He NEEDS his answer to ease the ball of fire he feels growing in his chest. Charles doesn’t know how to be subtle.

"So, Lando is bi?" he blushes because really, it’s nowhere near subtle.

"Why do you care?" asks Carlos, suddenly looking at him intensely.

Charles falters, luckily, the night is fully set upon them because his face might be close to crimson, and he blurts out the first excuse he can think of.

"A gay friend of mine has a crush on him."

He never panicked so hard, it’s weird, he’s usually a chill dude. But his heart is at the edge of his lips. A wave of heat floods him, and his breath shortens.

"Who?" Carlos asks, frowning. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

"You don’t know him. From Monaco." He clings to this thread. Fortunately, his overheated mind found this excuse because Charles has no friends who know Lando and that Carlos doesn’t know, and if Carlos had realized that, it would have made the rest of the conversation very uncomfortable.

Luckily, after what feels like suffocating seconds, Carlos lets it go with a grunt and shakes his shoulders.

"Yeah, he is… well, if you consider showing up with a girl once every blue moon, being bi."

SO LANDO IS GAY???

He feels that sting, that crazy sting clouding his mind, making him act like a foolish fool and he watches himself open his mouth again to utter, "Oh...I didn’t know, if you knew."

"Ha…," scoffs Carlos, shaking his head, letting his eyes gaze into the faraway... "oh believe me, I know."

Charles knows he should shut the fuck up. But he can't because this sentence alone and the tone with which Carlos said it, stir up a thousand more questions. He should leave before it's too late. He’s already asked too much.

He isn’t close enough with Lando to keep pushing, for his curiosity to make sense.

But nonetheless he asks.

"How did you find out?"

"Mmh… " Carlos looks at him a bit surprised by his questions. Usually Charles isn't the kind to ask personal questions. "I’m not really comfortable sharing his personal stuff, Charles."

The "Charles" should be his cue to fucking stop pushing. Because Carlos said it in a way that doesn’t offer contradiction.

But he is stupid. He is the most stupid man to ever exist. So he fakes a laugh.

"Come on, Cahrlos, tell me, I’m your favorite teammate " He tries to be playful, but he so desperately needs to know that it must be really obvious in his tone. He feels cringe and shameful and immature and he wants to burry himself into the ground.

But he also wants the answer.

"Why," laughs Carlos, "your friend wants to know?"

And Charles backs down. He isn't brave enough.

"You’re right, I shouldn’t gossip like that, damn George really rubs off on me."

They keep chatting about tennis. He tries to focus on Carlos deep voice to avoid getting lost on thoughts about Lando.

But that night, as he lies in bed, the overthinking starts.

He keeps replaying the conversation, trying to extract from it every bit of info he can.

"Oh yes, believe me I know" - why this tone, why this almost tragic tone, melancholic.

Ideas start to swirl.

Did Carlos stumble upon Lando being with a boy? Did Lando make a move on Carlos? Did Carlos make a move on him? Could Carlos have done something with… no, no, no, Charles, come back to your senses.

He lies awake.

The little ball of fire starts swelling in his chest at the thought of Lando being near Carlos.

But that’s stupid.

Because Carlos is straight.

And Carlos is only friend with Lando.

He is.

Is he?

Isn’t it weird though how close and touchy they are?

Well, Carlos is a touchy guy.

But especially with Lando.

And him.

No, but it’s not the same.

Charles is straight.

Maybe after an exhausting sim session back when they were teammates he and Lando could have…

NO !

Carlos is straight.

S t r a i g h t.

But maybe he tried.

Or maybe one day he will.

Lando is not ugly.

Not as pretty as Charles, but…

Charles shakes his head.

C’mon, is he really judging other drivers’ looks now?

But then, the weekend happens and he notices Carlos staying glued to Teto.

And Carlos makes a joke about Teto being his WAG on Instagram.

Carlos is way too comfortable with every other boy around.

Charles tries to reassures himself about what ? he doesn't know.

He says to himself that it’s okay.

Because there is no one else’s waist Carlos puts his hand on while he walks.

And it was a real close hug during the shell event. No ?

What?

Jesus Christ, Charles, get your shit together. He’d really like to take some time to acknowledge what the fuck is going on inside his mind. What are his feelings for Carlos, does he really have a crush on him. That would be a very bad idea. And he is straight. As Carlos. Supposedly.

Anyway, he can’t because 90% of his brain is focused on the race and the ten other % are literally occupied by… okay, he wanted to call that rage ? But it’s that burning itch making him want to punch every man too close to Carlos. Making him want to act like an imbecile just so Carlos would look at him.

It takes up too much space in his mind to let anything else in. He scooches alongside the Spaniard anytime he can. He develops weird strategies to be sure he’s next to him during the parade.

He keeps an eye on Lando at all times. He scrolls down Teto’s Instagram and re-watches the Don’t Blink on YouTube. Clenching his teeth at the winter one. Carlos lifting him like that, like a feather.

Teto acting exactly like a wag, getting along with Sainz Sr, sitting near Carlos in restaurants,

Teto, who is actually very pretty. Shiny golden hair. Big eyes.

When Charles sees him leaning against a railing above one of the numerous ponds of the Shanghai paddock, he has the urge to throw him overboard.

Maybe a crocodile could eat him. Are there crocodiles in Shanghai ?

That way, he would never again hold Carlos’s shoulder while laughing.

Then the weekend is over.

He looks through the window of the plane. Today he flies back to Monaco. He has been a nightmare to deal with, yelling at everybody. He feels restless and irritated.

Yet the weekend has been good. Everything ran smoothly. Carlos had even congratulated him for the third place, gave him a hug. But after, at the corner of his eyes, he had seen him hugging Lando, holding him by the neck. Diving into one of their secret conversations.

And just a few hours later. He had heard they were flying back together on the same plane.

TOWARDS MONACO.

He goes to Monaco too!!! He is Monegasque! Why can’t Carlos ask him to fly with HIM? Why Lando? Always Lando! Insufferable, childish, giggly, never-won-a-race Lando!

HE is il predestinato, HE is Ferrari’s sacred child! He is nice, and every girl are at his feet.

He slides a hand over his face. He feels like he's going crazy. What is this fury burning in his chest for days?

But he doesn’t need to think about it for long.

It’s pretty obvious.

It is well…

Jealousy.

[st4rb3rries]

the main 4 meeting you for the first time

pairings; stan, kyle, kenny, cartman x fem!reader (all aged up 17-18)

summary; reactions and meeting you

warnings; cussing and suggestive language

a/n; hopefully you guys understand the kyle and stan one😭

how kyle and stan met you:

you met them senior year. they saw your fine ass in class and were like "gawd dayum 😍😍🔥❤️" NAH JK kyle and stan secretly talked shit about you because you were the smartest in class. (they haven't even talked to you once) it was mostly kyle because he was jealous of your academic intelligence.

kyle: "who does she think she is acting like a goody two shoes and she shouldn't even be talking with that big ass forehead her calculations aren't even correct dude i'm totally way smarter than y/n🙄"

stan: "ong bruh like her forehead is bigger than my relationship with my dad😭 and no one can outsmart my super best friend dude🤨"

y/n: ....

like y'all sit close by each other in class and they still have the audacity to talk shit😭. they weren't even slick either you could clearly hear them but they thought you couldn't.

but one day things changed. they were struggling in algebra so you decided to help them. out of the kindness of your heart? no. the teacher told you to help them. this was the moment that would change everything.

y/n: "hi do you need some help it looks like you guys are struggling"

kyle: "no were fine we don't need your help"

stan: "yeah dude you can go away, kyle is way smarter than you we don't need you"

kyle: "yeah that's right i'm smarter than you punk so you can go away now🤓"

y/n: "ok kyle why did you pick 'd' instead of 'c' for number 1🥱"

kyle: "WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS D HOW COU-"

stan: "DUDE WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE US FAIL"

y/n: "ah look at that so you need my help after all"

stan and kyle: "smart ass"

y/n: "what was that hm?"

kyle: "smart class"

stan: "y-yeah we have a smart class😇"

y/n: "i know you guys talk shit about me don't think your so slick"

stan and kyle: 😮😮

they stopped talking bad about you. since you found out you started "helping" them more and they both started getting to know you better. even though they still had their attitude. and with all that helping there formed a friendship<3.

how cartman and kenny met you:

you also met them senior year. you however only met them because you decided to ditch class and do your business under the bleachers. both of them have seen you in class and they know your smart. they just didn't really care about you though.

*you walk over to the bleachers*

cartman: "oh shit teachers, RUN KENNY'

y/n: "im not a teacher wtf😭 "

they got scared there for a minute. but they weren't anymore until they recognized your annoying voice. cartman and kenny also thought you would never ditch class because your so smart🤨. (they were generally surprised)

cartman: "sorry there's no nerdy bitches allowed😘"

kenny: "you can be my nerdy bitch😏"

y/n: "and that's why your moms should've swallowed both of you when she had the chance."

cartman: 😮

kenny: "HAHAHAH" *bros tryna get into them baggy jeans💀*

cartman: "what the hell are you even doing here"

y/n: "no what are you doing here🤨"

cartman: "ditching class duh you dumb slut🙄"

y/n: "ok tubby well i need both of you to leave"

kenny: "why🥹"

y/n: "don't worry about it"

kenny: "YES MA'AM😍"

unfortunately they stayed because they're nosy as hell. anyways after they both saw you make money by doing peoples homework. they had mad respect for you. cartman was even a bit jealous that you came up with so much money. kenny on the other hand was wondering if you provide other types of services🤔.

cartman: " here y/n take this why don't we talk for a bit"

y/n: "are these crushed up smarties🤨"

kenny: "ya you can smoke em' or snort em' "

y/n: "y'all can't afford the real stuff💀?"

cartman: "so about your services, i'd like to be your manager i can make you stronger and smarter"

y/n: "do you have a gpa of 4.0"

kenny: "does 2.8 count"

cartman: "kenny stfu im tryna make us some money here"

cartman: "anyways so-"

after talking with them you agreed. but little did know that agreement was gonna be a long one. both of them truly admired your hard work and at some point it wasn't about the money. they really just liked hanging out with you😭.

[melefim]

Swearing in Dead Boy Detectives: Episode 8- The Case of the Hungry Snake

Episode Overview:

58 total, 12 different words said by 12 characters.

Charles: 1 Bloody Hell

Crystal: 5 Fuck, 5 Shit, 2 Bitch, 7 God. 1 Jesus, 1 Prick

Jenny: 10 Fuck, 1 Shit, 1 Ass, 1 God, 1 Jesus, 1 Screw

Niko: 2 God

Esther: 3 Fuck, 4 God, 1 Screw

Cat King: 1 Fuck, 1 Dick

Kingham: 3 Fuck

Girl in Memory 1 (Cheating BF): 1 Damn

Crystal's Mom: 1 Damn

Crystal's Dad: 1 Jesus

Girl in Memory 2 (Club Fight): 1 Fuck, 1 Slut

Girl in Memory 3 (Traffic): 1 God

Curses Per Character:

Charles: 1

Crystal: 21

Jenny: 15

Niko: 2

Esther: 8

Cat King: 2

Kingham: 3

Girl in Memory 1 (Cheating BF): 1

Crystal's Mom: 1

Crystal's Dad: 1

Girl in Memory 2 (Club Fight): 2

Girl in Memory 3 (Traffic): 1

Uses Per Word:

Fuck: 23

Shit: 6

Bitch: 2

Ass: 1

Damn: 2

Bloody Hell: 1

God: 15

Jesus: 3

Dick: 1

Prick: 1

Slut: 1

Screw: 2

Lines:

Girl in Memory 1 (Cheating BF): Why are you being so goddamn mean?

Crystal: Am I ever wrong about this shit?

Crystal: My parents won't say shit, they don't even--

Crystal: Jesus Christ! You guys scared me.

Crystal: God, it's like being punched in the face and the stomach.

Crystal: Yeah, well blame my parents. Holy shit!

Esther: God, you're nosy.

Crystal: Mom? Oh my God. Mom is that--

Crystal’s Mom: They're wasting our goddamn time, Seth, go tell him!

Crystal’s Dad: This is Art, for Christ’s sake!

Girl in Memory 2 (Club Fight): Get your fucking hands off my boyfriend, you slut!

Girl in Memory 3 (Traffic): Oh my God, did you guys hear? James got hit by a car.

Crystal: Maybe karma is just a bitch.

Crystal: Oh, my God. Oh, I'm a fucking awful person. Oh, God, I'm the worst.

Crystal: God, I was a bad person before him.

Crystal: Because if you did, God, you'd hate me.

Jenny: What the actual fuck?

Jenny: And why the ever-loving fuck is my hair braided?

Jenny: Fuck that! That is bullshit!

Jenny: No fucking way.

Kingham: "No fucking way" to you. "No fucking way" to that side braid. What the fuck is that?"

Jenny: Fucking fuck!

Jenny: Screw it. I'd rather know my own life, no matter how fucked up.

Jenny: Jesus, fuck!

Crystal: Oh my God, Jenny are you OK?

Crystal: Shit (digging Niko out of rubble)

Niko: Oh my God. Am I dead?

Niko: Oh my God. Is that why the magic eight ball kept saying "outlook not so good"?

Jenny: Esther's a witch? I thought she was just an asshole.

Crystal: Fuck! (Realizes Esther has the boys)

Jenny: I figure a meat cleaver can cut up a witch, but what the fuck do I know anymore?

Crystal: Because whatever fucked-up little thing you have going on with Edwin, you must care about him a little.

Cat King: So was her wayward husband. A real swinging dick.

Cat King: Fuck me. Did you even listen to my story?

Crystal: She probably put a, like, kill-you-instantly spell or some witchy shit on the door.

Esther: Don't ever trust a goddess to grant your wishes, because she'll definitely screw you over good.

Esther: Oh, God! Oh, God, no, my face… Is fine.

Esther: Oh my God, my own sacrificial knife? I'm impressed. But I'm not fucking around that you're also gonna patch that wall before you die too.

Crystal: I am so sorry he was a colossal prick.

Esther: Who the fuck are you?

Esther: What the fuck? Hey hey hey no! What did you just do?

Crystal: Hubris is a bitch, am I right?

Jenny: God, that sounds so fucking procedural.

Crystal: I don't have to give up my new fucked-up life while I'm trying to sort out my old fucked-up life.

Charles: Oh, bloody hell. And you're always just popping up. Where do you even come from?

Notes:

Previously on Dead Boy Detectives…

Shown in this episode’s recap but not counted above:

David: I can’t, you stupid bitch! (Episode 7)

Bonus:

Esther: Oh, shoot. Or as the French say, merde.

‘Merde’ is French for ‘shit’

Updates:

-Added ‘slut’, updating charts and counts.

-Added bonus quote from Esther

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Dead Boy Detectives Swearing Posts:

Masterlist

Swearing by Episode

Swearing by Character

Swearing by Word

All Swearing Posts

And if you like lists of things like I do, you can check out my other Dead Boy Detectives ones here!

When Charles’ Shirt Colors Change

George Rextrew’s Edwin comic inspo board

Full soundtrack with timestamps

Moves, Incidents, and Cases Masterlist

First pass at finding where the songs in the score are used- full post with timestamps in progress

[babysubinnie]

it's always you pt.3 // yang jungwon

🥚 pairing :: yang jungwon x reader 🥚 genre :: angst, emotional (as fuck i’m so sorry) 🥚 summary :: falling in love with someone that you can never confess to is the worst thing to experience, but watching him fall in love with someone else is much worse. 

part one and two here! a/n: i'm back! it's my comeback also,, it's been a while so bare with me, i'm slowly coming back but i might disappear again at some point. i wrote a pt.3 because i needed it. (this gif was the only one i could find that i liked) i'm only gonna write enha imagines from now, but feel free to send me asks!

——————————————————————————

“of course you didn’t fucking know. you only cared about the girl sitting in your room pretending to cry because y/n ‘bullied’ her. you only saw her, while y/n only saw you.” he pulled me into a hug letting me rest my head on his chest. heeseung wrapped his arms tighter around me before saying, “she was there through everything for you jungwon. everything. she never left your side. ever.” i turned my head to the side to look at jungwon then smiled weakly at him.

“it was always you, jungwon.” i lifted my head to look at heeseung, and he got the signal that i wanted to go back inside. as we were walking in, the boys were sitting at the dining table bitching about jungwon's girl. when the door opened, the boys ran up to me asking me a thousand questions.

"relax. i'm fine. i'm going to go home okay? i really don-" i smiled at the boys and handed heeseung his sweater back. he grabbed the sweater hesitantly, and when the door opened, we turned to watch jungwon as he entered.

"don't go anywhere. just stay here tonight. it started raining, and it's already late." he put his hand through his hair sighing as he walked to his room back to his girlfriend. i lifted my wrist to look at my watch. 8pm. late?

"what just happened?" niki walked in between sunghoon and jake who were standing in front of him, before grabbing both my hands.

"nothing." i knew it was a mistake to use that word when the boys all shot a nasty glare at me. i put my hands in the air and then smiled at them.

"she confessed because she was too pissed off at him, and she screamed it at him. thank god i went out when i did, she would have done worse if i didn't." heeseung spoke up for me so i didn't have to say it again, or even overexplain it.

"you what?!?" they all shouted at the same time causing heeseung to stop in his tracks while walking to the fridge to get something to drink.

"finally you told him." jake and jay bumped fists like they did something super cool then smirked at me. as we were laughing because i was being made fun of now, we hadn't realized that jungwon's door had opened and the two of them were coming out.

"wait but i don't understand, you brought me here because you said it was too late for me to go home." she whipped her head around as she was walking out of jungwon's door, gaining looks from all of us.

"stop being nosy bitches." i nudged all of them, making them look back at me. we had then continued talking, but quietly so we could listen to the drama behind us.

"yeah you're right and i'm sorry. we have a family emergency right now, and i should have realized it before i brought you over. i called you an uber. it's outside." jungwon had given her the cold shoulder. he had completely shut off, and you could hear the stress in his voice from a mile away. he walked her to the door and gave her a peck on the cheek.

"it's because of her isn't it? she's why you're kicking me out. your family emergency is all based on her isn't it?" she scoffed while keeping her eyes on me and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"and what if it is because of her? she's my priority right now, no matter what happens, she is the girl that matters most to me. i just got distracted, and i remember now. she is everything." he turned his head around to shoot me a smile before turning back to face her.

"what? she's everything? jungwon if we're going to be together, you're not going to be with her ever. if she's here, you're not. if you're here, she's not. i love you a lot and i want to be with you for a long time wonnie, so if she's going to stay, i'm not." she gave me the nastiest glare after she had put her arms around jungwon's waist. she pulled him close to her while saying this in the sweetest tone. if jungwon failed to see past the sweet tone, i don't know what the hell i would do. jake snorted under his breath at her attempt, which caused me to nudge him because I was about to start laughing too.

"he's not going to fall for that is he?" sunoo whispered into my ear and i waved my hand no, because i trust that he wouldn't. right? he reached behind him to take her arms off his waist. i knew it. i knew he wouldn't.

"then don't stay. walk out this door. she's not leaving, and if we're being honest, you would leave before she does. if you don't like the sound of that, then i don't think you should be my girlfriend." he walked past her and opened the door. he then put his other hand in his pocket before looking down at his feet.

"fuck you." she walked through the door, and turned around as she was about to step out of it. she looked me dead in the eye, holding up her middle finger at me.

"awh, that's so sweet! it was nice meeting you too!" i wiggled my fingers at her, and the boys behind me laughed their asses off when jungwon had shut the door. as we were reminiscing and laughing about her, jungwon had come up behind me faster than i had realized.

"hey y/n, can we talk?" he stood there looking the vibe of the room, to which all the boys were glaring at him.

"i don't know if that's a good idea." i had responded rubbing the back of my neck. while i was looking up at him, heeseung had walked behind me slightly pushing me over, causing me to fall into jungwon. he had opened his arms to catch me, to which now we were hugging the middle of the living room. the boys got the message, and ran into heeseung's room, which was the closest to the living room. it also just so happened to be in perfect proximity to hear everything from the living room.

i had cleared my throat and jungwon had slowly let me go, keeping his arms on my waist. i had felt a lump forming in my throat. what the hell are you doing to me jungwon? i stepped back from him to focus on the conversation we were having.

"i never knew you had feelings for me. i had always loved you of course i did, but when you started flirting with heeseung, i figured you wanted him and not me." he started going on, and when he talked about heeseung, he opened the door to say something. i turned to look at him, and the boys were pulling him back into the room. i smiled to myself then looked back at jungwon.

"did you not realize when you were having a shit day or you didn't eat, i was there? i was there whenever you were down, i was there even when it was 3 am to have a late night talk because you couldn't sleep. i drove across town to bring your favorite tteokbokki because you said you wanted it the day before." i scoffed and crossed my arms while rolling my eyes. i knew i went over the top for jungwon, heeseung always told me that i was doing too much for a boy that was completely clueless that i was in love with him.

"of course i knew you did that for me, but i thought you did that for all of them. that's why-" he started, but before he could finish i told him to stop talking.

"won, shut up. you knew that i lit up when you came into the room. i was so hopelessly in love with you that i would have done anything fo-" i laughed at how completely clueless he was. as i was ranting on, he was stepping closer to me, until he was inches away from me again. he put his arm around my waist while i was still talking, and then he spoke.

"y/n, shut up. you do realize i just told you that i was always in love with you too right?" he smiled at me while i stared at him in shock when i had registered what he was saying.

"you what?" i shook my head and he moved his face closer to mine, before pressing his lips to mine.

"i've always loved you, ass."

*secret pov*

"i only see her but she can only see him."

[faunandfloraas]

Ur latest Felix tags reminded me I'm a nosy nosy bitch so, if u wouldn't mind: fave skz haircolour (style too if u want) for everyone?

Ough... Okay

Chan: Dark brown. Curly. It'll always be elite to me BUT I still would love love love to see him grow it out a little longer... lil beach vibes maybe. Or sleazy mullet... just to see. Regardless dark is always the winner.

For unnatural colours tho platinum chan was pretty iconic. And red chan. And bright orange thunderous chan. So shoutouts there.

Lee know... Hmmmmmm. Light, preferably cool toned or neutral toned brown

Idk I think it just looks so right on him... but after that black and then silver and purple were very fun too!

Changbin was fun purple but at the end of the day I am a black hair changbin enthusiast (plus his coloured hair fades so fast lol) extra points for undercut and for poodlebin though! (Also back in 2020 he had that dark blue for a minute and I liked that)

Hyunjin..... he's harder for me bc I kinda have liked every style he's had? But I will say the short blue moment that was fairly brief was good.... and I always like long and dark as well.... kiwi fruit is a really fun change of pace and I hope to see him dye it a fun colour bc like. Why not, yk. Or patterns.

Han... brunette. Dark brown specifically. It's the only image of him that lives in my head. I liked the longer, permed moment a lot, too. Silvery blonde was fun, too! I like length on him also like im sorry I'm just a long hair enjoyer most the time. I would like to see him with spiky short hair just bc I can't imagine it but also i sorta can? Like punky style...

Felix.... well... the aforementioned blonde. Blonde freckles beachy little sydney surfy vibes.... idk man everyone's mean to him about his allegiance to the blonde but I can't say shit bc im in exactly the same boat lmao ALSO BROWN. lighter brown is well underrated on him, imo he was cute as a brownie boy...

I'm also firmly a long hair felix person. But mullet was fun and I would like to see him get a more severe, unique style at some point... for bright colours though, blue was cool!

Seungmin + Sandy blonde is like a match made in heaven to me... it just really suits him... Plus the mullet was just fun after they'd given him the same cut for 3 yrs so it'll always be iconic to me... but outside that black and brown are very nice and fluffy black hair + bare face + glasses is the supreme seungmin in the end

Maxident fringe and grapefruit 5star minnie were also stand outs, though. (And I'd still like to see him with it a little longer. Curiosity killed the cat and all that)

Innie and ginger and length was my fav fav fav he looked so good.... also blonde, but not platinum, and with a bit of nuance was SO Good. Ginnie still takes top spot to me..

Black hair + length is also a winner though... I'd like to see him do purple or something sometime, as well. Also, he could pull off a real short haircut as well, I think... but that's just an idea.

So yeah :) I'd like to see Changbin with a couple pink streaks at some point also. And lee know pink. Cool toned pink, though. And... many others I can't think of rn lol thanks for asking, though!

[oneatlatime]

Zuko Alone

I'm hoping for some Appa this episode. It's been too long since he's gotten any good sight gags.

Zuko is cosplaying Clint Eastwood. He's also back to being stupid pale this episode.

You know it's a good thing that Zuko's not in the Fire Nation anymore because he really would have sucked at being Fire Nation. Robbing pregnant women is probably kindergarden level stuff for them.

How is Zuko in such bad shape? Last time we saw him he had a cave full of spoils robbed from rich people. Did he not bother to pack at least some of that stuff? Actually, not thinking far enough ahead to pack would be pretty in character.

Oof that would rub me the wrong way. Not enough money for a meal, but sure, let's use totally edible eggs as ammo.

Where'd the egg go?

Who is the scarred up hat wearing vampire and what happened to the real Zuko? Imposter Zuko just elected to not be provoked into a fight. Real Zuko would already be setting things on fire.

Just a bunch of thugs. Yep. It's consistently awesome how many of the facets of war this show can cover.

Imposter Zuko and Song's horse bird just got kidnapped. Did not see that coming.

Zuko kind of has arm bandages like Sokka has this episode. Also love the character detail that the boy has scraped knees.

Is the kid's dad the same guy as the man at the store? Or maybe this is a one haircut town?

So the guy who was near to fainting off his horse bird this morning is now turning down freely offered food? Could Zuko please shelve his pride for five minutes? Kudos to the mom for accurately reading his distaste for charity and turning it into a request for aid though. Although covering for the boy's egg trick is worth at least a meal.

Tangent!

I don't get Zuko. How can he still have so much pride when he's wearing rags and starving himself to feed Song's horse bird? I'm quite shameless when it comes to accepting help and I've never, ever been able to understand the whole 'too proud to accept charity' mindset. I'm always up for some charity. I have enough manners to offer to do the dishes after, but if you're offering free food I'm eating it. And I've never been in a situation as desperate as Zuko's. So I don't get this.

ok tangent over.

Peak rich kid behaviour. I hope those nails aren't expensive otherwise Zuko doing work for food might end up with this family out of pocket.

Is the wood grain on this ladder an actual photograph of wood grain?

Zuko has more patience this episode than he had for all of season 1 combined. He's also never gone this long without yelling. Either proximity to young children activates Zuko's otherwise mostly slumbering decency, or to fit him into a Fistful of Dollars homage the writers had to make him out of character.

If I had been in this situation when I was a kid, if I had been a) this visibly bored, and b) this nosy around guests, I would have been given a hammer and a bag of nails in three seconds flat. Also, nice to see a Sokka face from Zuko.

I get that 'a man without a past' is a staple of the cowboy genre, but the boy's father bringing up the privacy of the past twice in like two minutes makes me think he's done stuff he doesn't want to talk about. Seems both the parents have read Zuko right though.

Finally! Some pretty! I have been suffering! This may be the first really good pretty all season!

Bad news for the Appa decor on my blog. He may have been supplanted in my affections.

Two things: first, Zuko is a carbon copy of his mom. Second, That is way too much forehead.

Having Zuko's mom introduce herself by talking about the lengths mothers will go to for their children is not giving me foreshadowing anxiety at all.

Azula's been a bitch since birth. Noted.

Sir, your eyebrows. Also, yeah, I wouldn't want to play with her either.

Yikes this is making my teeth itch and my skin crawl. Calling it now, she's rotten to the core.

Zuko and Azula's dad has some weak ass genes. BOTH of his children are carbon copies of their mom.

Also, I was not expecting Zuko's very stupid ponytail to be a pre-scar thing. It is much better with a full head of hair.

If I had spent my childhood hanging out with an untouchable princess who set things on my head on fire for fun whenever I involuntarily displayed emotion, I'd be gloomy and apathetic in self defense too.

Sokka in this episode in spirit, if not in person.

Seriously that's the same face three times over!

Um, no? If Iroh doesn't make it back from the front, doesn't his son become next in line to be Firelord?

Can you hear all the unspoken "father thinks that" and "father says that" in front of every one of Azula's opinions in this whole scene? I stand by my assertion that she's awful anyways, but she's also obviously drunk much too much of her dad's koolaid, if you know what I mean.

This kid is going to get into so much trouble one of these days. Provoking the soldiers, nagging the mysterious stranger with the mysterious past, and now taking his weapons? Kid's sweet but he really needs to learn when to stop pushing his luck.

Stabbing dead, dried wood sounds like a great way to utterly annihilate the edge on those. Hope Zuko packed a whetstone.

Where is this patience coming from? I don't understand and it's BUGGING me.

Hold on. Technical problems.

My very basic DVD player sometimes has difficulty with these disks. Whatever happened between the above two screenshots, I've missed it. So picking back up from the one on the right...

Either these soldiers are impressively cowardly (which, yeah) or Zuko's really been working on his death glare, because they've got him outnumbered and out-armoured and they still back off.

OH it's parallels! Zuko's cousin and the boy's older brother. Got it. Kind of a false parallel though. Grandson of the Firelord does not equal earth kingdom conscript.

Give the demonstrably impulsive and nosy child a knife. That'll work out just fine I'm sure. Pretty sad the kid glommed on to Zuko so quickly, but it's also yet another realistic representation of the consequences of war. This show's good.

*shudders* theatre kids.

She's tiny! Do you know how darkly humourous it is to watch a two foot tall baby spout her father's murderous nonsense? Once again, in this whole scene, not a word out of Azula's mouth is actually Azula's.

"What is wrong with that child?" Apart from budding homicidal and psychopathic tendencies? Her dad. Her dad is what's wrong with that child.

Their dad has no subtlety at all. And also no brain? You think a day after the firelord finds out one of his family died is the right time to very boorishly make a play for the crown with you daughter as a prop? Could you possibly come up with a better demonstration of why this guy shouldn't be in charge?

How did this asshole land such a nice wife?

Yep. Siding with the old firelord on this one.

Does flashback Zuko sleep in his day clothes? Because that's not ok.

I like that their mom sees straight through Azula's lying here. She knows her daughter.

In a move that should surprise no one, everything Zuko touches turns to shit, as usual.

It's the Mexico filter!

Absolute truth from Zuko in that monologue. He's got them pegged. Too bad it fell on deaf ears. It's Zuko's curse, that whenever he approaches being remotely reasonable, he happens to be surrounded by people who will react in such a way that Zuko learns to equate being reasonable with failure.

An earthbender. The bare feet should have clued me in.

Last season Zuko and Iroh laid waste to like ten of these guys. And Iroh didn't even have pants. So what gives? Is he that starved?

Ursa pulling a Mufasa.

Don't answer don't answer don't answer

And he does.

Zuko is so very good at completely misinterpreting the point.

So we can add thief to the list of things that make Azula awful. Also that delivery of "who's going to make me? Mom?" is chilling. Zuko's lost his only defender inside this atrocious family and she knows it, he knows it, hell the turtleducks probably know it.

His dying wish? You guys buying that?

Ozai. That's his name. I'd forgotten that.

So... something something dead firelord something something missing mom something something maybe Azula wasn't actually lying this time?

Final Thoughts

The title wasn't kidding. Let's rename the show 'Avatar: the Guy who's Really Bad at Capturing Him' while we're at it.

There is now no way whatsoever that Zuko is not going to be redeemed. No writing team would invest that much energy and a whole episode into a character we're not ultimately supposed to root for. So somehow he's going to end up joining the Gaang. Don't know how he'll pull that one off. He's done some pretty not great stuff. And it's not like the Gaang watched this episode and unlocked his tragic backstory.

Speaking of, what prompted these reflections? I could understand if Zuko started to contemplate his cousin and the events surrounding his loss in the war after he learned about the family's older brother, but he was having flashbacks before he even got to town. Usually when there are backstory bits, there's a good reason to show them at that time, like how the Storm prompts Aang to think about the last storm he was in, or seeing a boat from his father's fleet prompts Sokka to remember what his dad told him. So what caused Zuko's memories to give him situationally appropriate flashbacks?

Pretty funny that he found the Nice Earth Kingdom Family that Azula predicted for him. And they are really nice! Either Zuko is an open book or the parents' social intelligence is off the charts because they're giving him exactly what he needs to feel at ease after barely a single conversation.

Speaking of Azula, I'm not surprised to find that she's always had deeply awful tendencies, even as a child of (I'm guessing) less than ten. But it cannot be ignored that, from the moment her father took a liking to her (as a tool to boost his own greatness, if not as a person), she didn't stand a chance. You can tell by the number of times that the stuff coming out of her mouth is a thinly veiled repetition of her father's unfiltered opinions, that she's been spending lots of time listening to him, probably while he puts down her mom and brother and talks about how she's the special one. You know what I'm getting at. Azula never stood a chance once her father got involved, and her mom lost the ability to influence her once her father started giving Azula praise for objectively wrong behaviour. That being said, Azula is awful even when she doesn't need to be awful for her father's approval, like when she's with her friends, so it's not all her father's doing. She's not a good person but she also had plenty of help to become that.

I guess Zuko and his mom are Fire Nation anomalies? And maybe Iroh has become that since his son died and he lost the war?

How on earth did Zuko survive as long as he did in the palace without his mom to protect him? What a no-win situation to be in. The only person in a whole nation with empathy.

This episode does makes Season 1 Zuko make more sense. He's been larping his dad as a defense mechanism for surviving the Fire Nation/probably a very futile effort to earn his approval. Although Zuko doesn't seem to care much for his dad if the tone he takes with him by the turtleduck pond is any indication.

Being banished was the best thing that ever happened to Zuko. The more distance between him and his remaining non-uncle family, the better. Between prioritizing his crew over capturing the avatar in the Storm, releasing the Avatar in the Blue Spirit, and now defending a random earth kingdom child this episode, it's hilarious how much Zuko HASN'T learned the lesson that Ozai banished him for not knowing. Don't get me wrong; that's a good thing. This episode plainly shows that behaviour that pleases Ozai is behaviour that should be unlearned as quickly as possible.

Zuko completely missing the point of his mom's last instruction is delightfully on the nose. But it also makes sense, which I may talk more about later.

How did Zuko hold on to his temper (and his volume) for a whole episode?

How did a show named after the main character get away with an episode that doesn't feature him at all? As a concept, this is such a strange episode. The writers were like "how can we kick start the woobification of Zuko? I know! A Spaghetti Western!" and it worked. Who comes up with that?

I now want at least as much, if not more, of Sokka and Katara's childhood via flashbacks. And more Gyatso please. If they can devote a whole episode to the childhood of a guy who isn't even a team member yet, they can show me some Sokka childhood shenanigans as a palette cleanser.

I really don't know what conclusion to draw about this episode. The writers have given me a massive backstory/trauma dump and I'm honestly like: