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pastelvelvett · 1 year ago

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Aaaa I'm so sorry it took so long But here it is, a Yandere!Harvey x reader, as requested by the lovely @lucienbarkbark! Also, hope everyone's having a great pride month!! I may or may not be preparing a lil something for that, who knows 👉👈

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Yandere!Harvey x Gn!Sick!Reader

You and Harvey have been pretty close lately, that was clear as day. Despite Harvey normally being the reserved sort, it took a very small amount of time for him to warm up to you. What once was awkward small talk evolved to discussing topics that were a bit deeper than just commenting on the weather. Often, you'd talk about eachother's lives over a hot cup of coffee, a drink Harvey apparently enjoyed quite a bit.

The more the both of you spent time together, the more attached the doctor would find himself to you. The more details he had about your past life in the city, your life right now, and the things that you liked and disliked, the more he'd find himself hanging onto every word you spoke. While Harvey definitely had a good memory, knowing so many facts about one person was definitely unusual for him. He loved everything about you, so much so that he memorized every single thing you divulged to him without even trying.

Hanging out together after Harvey's work hours became a daily ritual of sorts, one that he woke up every day deeply excited for. So you can imagine how he felt when for the first time in weeks, you weren't there in front of his clinic door waiting for him to exit. His first instinct was to worry, but he was able to calm himself down relatively easily. It was true you were always there at 3PM sharp, but it would be silly to assume something bad happened to you just because you're a little late this time around. You were a busy person, maybe you just didn't finish your work for the day yet. That seemed like a reasonable possibility to him.

But as the minutes passed, his concern grew, eventually to the point that he was such a bundle of nerves that he had to go over to your farm to check if you were okay. As much as he wanted to stay calm, all that he could think about were the nearly infinite possibilities of what could've happened to you, and a lot of the ones he could think of were pretty far on the grim side. A part of him still knew full well that he was probably just overreacting, but the slightest possibility of you being hurt was too much for him to handle.

Harvey, with heart beating at an accelerated rhythm, shakily knocked at your wooden door. Much to his relief, he heard your voice from inside. Even though he did think your voice was slightly hoarse, all he could think about was how relieved he was you were okay, perfectly safe inside your home.

"Come in!" You said. Harvey didn't hesitate to, eager to see you after the maybe (definitely) disproportionate scare he just had. Once he opened the door to your farmhouse, he was quick to spot you laying in bed, snuggled into you blanket. A blush dusted his cheeks, finding the image adorable. He felt like seeing you comforted him even more than hearing you did. Now that he was calmer, he pretty easily noticed that your nose had reddish hue and that you were sniffling every so often. 'Ah... So you had a cold, that's why they didn't come.' Harvey thought to himself.

"Y/N! Hi! Ahah... It's a bit embarassing, but I was a bit worried about you, you know?" Harvey awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. You greeted him cheerfully, motioning towards your chair with a smile. Until that moment he was awkwardly standing in front of the exit, feeling like coming further inside without instruction from you could possibly be rude. Another thing he overthought, it seemed. He sat himself in your comfortable chair, noticing how your pretty lips formed a frown as you ruminated on his words.

"Oh... I'm really sorry Harvey. I didn't mean to worry you. Honestly, I kinda lost the track of time... I've been really sick since yesterday, my head's a lil hazy-" You explained, interrupted by your (admittedly very cute) sneeze. Harvey's brows knitted together, not really liking the fact that you implied that you were going to go out in your current state if only you didn't forget what time it was.

"You don't need to apologize. I'm just glad nothing bad happened to you." Harvey let out a sigh. You were too kind and considerate even when you didn't have to be. "...Besides, it really wouldn't have been a good idea to go out when you have a cold. You need all the rest you can get." Without realizing it, he switched to the tone he'd normally use when talking to patients about their health, this resulting in a lighthearted chuckle from you. He looked down in your directiin, puzzled as to why you were laughing.

"Nothing, just that... You turned on doctor mode there. You're real cute, Harv, you know that?" The nickname you've never used before plus the unexpected compliment equaled a very, very flustered Harvey. His cheeks set ablaze, trying to fumble his way through forming a sentence to very poor results. "T-Thanks... I think...? Gosh, don't say stuff like that. You're going to make me even redder than your face is right now." He breathed in to calm himself down. "Speaking of which..." The brown haired man got up from his seat, walking up to the bed with a straight face. When Harvey pressed the back of his hand against your forehead, in awe at how smooth, and incredibly hot, your face felt. He found himself melting at the contact, and maybe he would've lost himself in it if your temperature wasn't so concerning. He was sure that if he held his hand on your forehead for much longer than it would literally melt him aswell as figuratively.

"Gah, you're hot so hot...! A-Ah, wait, no I mean- In the temperature sense, of course. Not that you're not just-" Thankfully for Harvey, you mercifully cut him off, assuring him that you understood what he meant from the get-go. "R-Right. Well..." Harvey cleared his throat, removing his hand from your forehead and straightening his back. "Do you have any paracetamol? Or anything else that could help with your fever?" You shook your head no. "Okay, I'll have to bring you some then!"

"Only if you're quick. I'll miss you too much." You gave Harvey a playful grin. He really wasn't sure if you teasing him like this was only meant as playful banter, or a sign that he wouldn't irreparably screw things up if he went and told you how he felt. But that was something he didn't want to linger on in that moment. He had to take care of you, afterall. Harvey gave you nod and a smile, turning towards the door. But before he could walk off he heard your voice again. "Wait! Would... Would it be okay if you stayed over a bit to make me some soup? You told me before that you're really good at cooking, and I've been really excited to try it out! Sorry if it's rude of me to ask you instead of you offering..." Harvey's heart skipped at your request, feeling the slightest bit nervous at the prospect of you tasting his cooking.

"Ah, not at all. You're sick. What kind of friend would I be if I didn't at least treat you with some soup?" And with that, he began preparing you your food. Sounds of chatter between you and Harvey mixed in with that of cutting vegetables and stirring. It was a comfortable, intimate atmosphere. It made Harvey imagine how it would be like to live with you and have this dynamic every single day. He couldn't help but be excited for the future. Maybe he was just convincing himself everything would turn over well because not having the future he imagined wouldn't be something he could handle. He didn't know for sure, but in that moment what was once worry turned into (perhaps misplaced) confidence that things would go over well. All he had to do was find the right time, you'd understand him and feel the same.

As the minutes passed, your conversatiin fizzled out into an equally comfortable silence. When Harvey announced that he finished your meal with an excited tone he expected some sort of response from you, but confusingly enough, he didn't receive any. With brows furrowed, he turned his head in your direction. His brown eyes first fell on your closed ones, then your slightly agape lips, and lastly your chest that rose and fell at a steady rhythm. Your peaceful sleeping face was a sight for sore eyes. You worked so tirelessly on a daily basis, and while he knew you enjoyed what you did, he couldn't help but be worried about you constantly. As much as he admired your determination, overworking yourself like that clearly didn't do any wonders for your health. He sighed, wishing you could listen to your body just a little more often.

Harvey left the bowl of soup where it was, deciding he would heat it up for you once you woke up. He took the opportunity to bring you the meds he was planning to bring, placing them on the end table next to your bed with a cup of water. Something he didn't really plan to bring alongside the medicine but ended up bringing anyway was his trusty camera. He knew it wasn't right. There was no way you would be okay with him taking pictures of you while you were asleep, and he knew that him aknowledging but still doing it made him an even worse person. But by Yoba, he couldn't help it. He wanted, and felt like he needed, to keep seeing your sleeping face even tonight after he'd go home. Waking up next to you could be a far future, and he wanted to have you with him while he slept in some way. After he was done taking several pictures from multiple angles, he stuffed the camera in his pocket. He really, really hoped you would never find out about this. Because he loved you more than anything and anyone, and he wanted you to feel the same more than anything.

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arenabreadandbiscuits · 8 months ago

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🫂 Radiating Justice || Hellsing Alucard Angst 🫂

Word Count: 4,915

WARNING - As a victim I was going through a rough day when I started this. I looked up when SA awareness month was thinking it was this month but it's fine. Close enough if you will haha. April is nearly here and it'll be Sexual assault Awareness Month. April is also my birthday month so there's quite a bit of angst in the air with me right now.

The story includes the talk of sexual assault and abuse so please be aware. To all the fellow victims out there hello, I see you and I am with you.

Check out my other socials and follow if you want and I'm open for commissions so if you are interested in that please dm or comment. (PayPal & Cashapp preferred. I'm open to other payment methods if you prefer them but we'll have to talk about it. Currently working on getting something set up for someone else but since I'm kinda new to everything you'll have to be patient with me. ^^`

👇🏾 Story Continues Down Below 👇🏾

It's one of those days.

One of those fucking days.

The days were his past, the long and vast pit of it plagued his mind. He's in the void, the one that's been hovering over him the the last couple of decades. The one that had formed directly after the Turks.

He remembers no matter how many peoples he's met, no matter how many he's lost or torn up with his very own teeth and claws… nothing ever seemed to actually get rid of his original past.

Even when he was joking, laughing, cackling it always lingered whether he wanted it to or not even if the distractions he had around him now seemed to quiet them from time to time it was still other fucking hell.

They whispered to him, voices much like the one he held so many years ago. Voices that sounded like what he used to, telling him that it was his fault even if he tried to avoid it. Telling him that if he had been stronger back then he wouldn't have to suffer with the thoughts he was plagued with now, that sure it wasn't his fault, not necessarily, but what if he hadn't of been cursed into that world… hadn't of been created at all. If it wasn't that voice it was all the others, the souls of those that he had been made into consuming who had now… practically been able to see his life, who had been forced into watching his pain just as much as he was.

They whispered, voices echoing in the shadows of his subconscious and he watched them do so with dead eyes.

And if it wasn't the whispers, the gasps, the pained and sorrowful looks he received from the dead of those following him it was himself.

At times, when there was nothing else but him, the darkness and that… child, Alucard was faced with being glared at, yelled and cursed at by them for not giving them the strength he now had and he listened… He did so until they gripped at the shirt they were wearing which was dirty, covered in muck and blood and fluids he rather wouldn't think of but what privilege did he have for such a wish?

All he could do was listen to them because after so many years he's come to the understanding that they never had anyone to do such with. He had been forced to live the life he lived now, yes he had cursed God much like this child was cursing him now and had been created into what he is now but Alucard at times wondered just how… his life could have been if none of it happened at all.

And he was pissed because after all these years it was simply too, fucking late.

Even so, when they crumbled to their knees in a ball of tears… shaking, hiccuping, Alucard kneeled carefully before them.

They were so small, so dirty… filthy and yet Alucard couldn't find himself to judge them as he had so cruelly done many, many times now. He couldn't look down on them for being what he was, small and weak and he looks at them with his crimson eyes like the shadow of a wolf in darkness.

His body could still feel pain, just not as it didn't before he turned. The touches always seemed to linger like ghost touching and caressing him, gripping and squeezing him even when he knew no one else was touching him and at times… he almost seemed to trick himself into telling him he enjoyed it.

After all who would he be now if he had never ran into the great and famous Ottoman Ruler Sultan Murad ll? The shit stain who had seemed to plague his mind enough to remind him of his origins even after all this fucking time that has passed. Alucard wouldn't be Alucard… if it hadn't been for him… right?

He was losing his mind. He's been doing so for so long now.

At times his body didn't even feel like his own which was probably why he felt a bit different every time he had the time and chance to choose another. At times such occurrences almost seemed to make him feel better until someone whispered his name, or caressed his body in a way that always seemed to spark his memory in the worst of ways.

He had never touched himself with those memories on his mind, it made him feel sick and even sicker when he seemed to… wish that he could. Sometimes a heat seemed to boil in his gut and after so many years of using his body for many things he had learned the difference between having actual attraction to someone but even that seemed to make things worse at times.

Knowing he wanted to be touched, needed to be by someone, anyone who actually gave a fuck about him versus knowing that haunting touch of that horrid man who only did so for sick pleasure seemed to drive him into an even deeper whole than he already was in. He's had his lovers, the ones he deemed worthy enough to sleep and bed with but something always lingered and it was starting to feel like something that he would never be able to actually get rid of.

It makes him dread his existence, almost as if he thought that maybe he shouldn't have tested the old bag of shit that they called God. Almost, because even with how empty he felt… he was still rather stubborn.

It was like pulling at himself and a part of him was tempted at the very idea as he continued to watch that small child cry and sob before him. Distantly it made him think of some small animal pleading to some beast, like a deer in the hold of a wolf. There was fear, the smell of blood and ash in the air around them and yet as they sat here together in this void there also seemed to be a sense of understanding. Even wolves could be weak, even deer could be strong, nothing seemed to make sense but that…it did.

Alucard found himself coming to a bit of a conclusion of some sort as the voices of the dead whispered to them and for the first time in a long, long time they seemed to actually make sense.

He was broken.

So much so that not only had the spirits around him spilled their blood but he had too and it rained over them as well as himself.

He was broken but not alone as he sits here with the many pieces of himself and fragments of humanity.

‘W-Why? Huh?! Why did it have to be like this?! Why did it have to be me!..’ They bawled like the child that they were and always would be because while they were both Alucard they had enough time to become… their own entity as well.

Crimson eyes stay on them before slowly falling shut and as darkness seems to color his own vision now Alucard reaches out slowly to the child, raising his hands and leading them over before taking hold of them.

They are a lot smaller than he is now and it's honestly rather interesting seeing such a difference. Alucard almost couldn't believe that he used to be so small considering how he presented himself to others now. He feels them jump under the light touch and he briefly wonders if even that hurts and he thinks to pull his hands away but then slowly, they lift their head and for the first time in this moment between the two of them, they look up at him, their eyes shining with tears and Alucard hadn't realized it until now but his also seemed… wet.

He's… crying with them?

He's crying with them.

He hadn't felt like he'd been able to do such a thing after everything, after so many years, he couldn't even remember the last time he's even felt the itch to let out tears and yet here he was now as those usually smug and cocky eyes seemed to water.

He takes hold of them though he doesn't have to hold hard as they immediately shuffle closer now as if searching for the comfort they've never been given and who was Alucard to deny them of such right now of all times. It's like they are both deer now or both wolves with Alucard being the buck or leader of the other now, here to comfort them much like a mother or father would do for a sobbing child that they loved and cared for.

Alucard finds himself with them moving in and clinging to him and his cloak- his garbs that were all black just like the shadows that created his form. They hold him tight, nails digging into what they could and as Alucard sits back on his haunches his moves one arm to slip under their bottom and pull them even closer while his other hand moves to cradle their head, his large hand tangling in messy, inky black hair. The sob they let out at being held so close after all this time is enough to send the mightiest shivers rushing up Alucard’s spine as he clutches them just a bit tighter.

And who would he be to let them cry alone while they were literally in his arms now? So of course, his own eyes look up to the darkness like clouds over them and as tears well up in his own eyes they slide shut slowly. Tears roll down his own cheeks as he holds them, as they sob ugily into his shoulder, wetting the fabric that seemed to cling to Alucard's body and he doesn't care because being wet with tears was a lot better than being wet with other things right now… The child shakes violently, soft cries turning louder and louder, turning into screaming, kicking and hitting as they seem to become overwhelmed with everything they've been cursed into living with within him and Alucard only seemed to soften, hugging them like he couldn't imagine letting go because he couldn't feel the pain of their little punches and kicks but he could feel the pain that threatened to overwhelm him if he let them go now, to break him if he loosened his grip even the tiniest bit.

After everything, this felt like nothing.

He could handle this reaction because no one would understand them but him, either one of them.

It takes a moment, a few minutes maybe or it could have been a couple hours, Alucard at times could lose track of time in this place not that time seemed to matter in any way to him any more. Either way, the child grows quiet, sniffling and rubbing their face viscously into his chest in pain and angst but even though it hurts, everything hurts, they do seem to like being in his arms and held by him like the small child they are. There's nothing he or they could do after all this time.

At least, nothing when it came to regaining the innocence that was lost to them, stolen from them but… maybe, a sense of peace could be fromed. Even just a little if…

He found him.

…

There, hidden in the crowd shaking like the scared little dog he was.

And that's exactly how he should feel.

Alucard slowly opens his eyes once more and turns his gaze in the direction of the piece of shit and he doesn't seem to be the only one as the child lifts their head slowly. Their eyebrows knitted together as an expression on pure rage slowly but surely forms on their lips and once fully there they also turn their gaze to follow Alucard's.

There he was, the filthy bastard. The shadows and other spirits seeming to flicker and move aside to expose him more to the two and as if he can smell the animosity that suddenly fills the air he perks and comes face to face with the crowd and Alucard in particular. The child seems to reel their teeth back like a rabid dog, fangs sparkling even in such darkness and Alucard feels himself make a similar grimace but there's a sadistic look to his that forms as it always did when he was presented with these moments. That sadistic look that seemed to show up when he was fighting on the battlefield though the idea of controlling himself is nowhere in sight like it would be if he was killing ghouls usually. It's bitter. There's unbridled rage just seeing the man, a taste of something similar to oil of his tongue like bile and when Alucard moves to get to his feet he continues to hold the child but now with his one arm under them as he stands to his full height.

Immediately Sultan attempts to run, jerking in order to gather himself only to crash to the groud when a hand grabs his ankle roughly.

It's a phantom hand and not one of Alucard's own per se but one of a spirit in the mass group around them and it dawns on Alucard that they are also… just as furious.

Sure, many had been beasts who were killed by Alucard because they had to be but those who held similar trauma seemed moved by these things. Seemed just as angry as Alucard was and the child, and for what reasons in particular he wasn't sure but after spending so many years with so many souls only to just now learn them for who they were Alucard knew that he wasn't alone in more than one way as well. There were fellow victims in the group, those who had been so viciously abused by Sultan or by someone who held just as dirty of a soul as his and Alucard could hear their whispers, their words of how he should be punished far worst than simply living here with the rest of them.

To put it simply. Many wanted to see him be punished like the vile, disgusting creature that he is.

To be punished like a bad dog, face justice like he was meant to.

That he should be whipped, strung up, raped just as the others had been and Alucard almost felt better at such words as they grew louder and louder, chanting, hisses and snarls filling the air. Even if some of these spirits had their own reasons for feeling such ways one way or another they all wanted him gone. They didn't want to have to share this same space with a creature like Sultan Murad ll and who was Alucard to make them, who was he to allow this man to love even amongst this place without facing the pain that he had caused upon others.

Alucard could be rather forgiving however,

He would never forgive this man.

He couldn't forgive this man.

Wouldn't even dream of it.

And so he takes a step, then another and Sultan begins to screech, already begging, pleading for the life that no longer belonged to him… doing so much crying much like Alucard had done all those years ago, over and over again as he repeatedly cried and begged and pleaded. Seeing such a weak display made him snarl, the least Sultan could do was take it like a man. Something he had said many times himself while he was buried in Alucard's small and tormented body and had he ever had mercy?

No. He hadn't.

So who would Alucard before to have any on him?

When he had killed the man Alucard hated the fact that he didn't want him to just die and be blessed with finding himself at the gates at hell so instead bitterly consumed his blood, his sport, his soul just to have him here and just to torment the man just like he had for many others.

To welcome him to hell while also showing him it in all it's best aspects.

The spirits clung to the fat bastard as he tried kicking, tried fighting off the hands that seemed to come from nowhere and everywhere at the same time, they dug into his skin and ripped at his clothes until he was just as small and naked and scared as Alucard himself had been and as the great No Life King continued to approach like a giant trailing through a sea of claws and hissing, those spirits made room for him, stepping aside obediently as Alucard made slow steps. Said steps that some how rung out louder that the animalistic sounds around then, even louder then Sultan's screaming which only seemed to get louder as he fought and kicked only to now find himself naked like some wet dog that had been caught in the rain. He tries scooting away, his ass rubbing against the dark floor and his legs kicking and once he's cornered, backed up to a wall like some little bitch, Alucard pauses when he seems to catch the whiff of piss.

Did he…

Alucard suddenly snorts, the wild look in his eyes only growing crazier as he finds himself moving his free hand up to his mouth as if to snuff off his own laughter.

Did Sultan Murad ll fucking piss himself out of pure fear? How precious, of course he did Alucard remembers the smell as disgusting as it is.

How could he not after all the time the man had seemed to find humor in pissing of him after he'd cum in him, after he had his fill of Alucard's young body. The laugh that fills the air is wild, a loud cackle that rung out and filled the air.

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?” Alucard now speaks and the child in his arms jumps a little thought they look at him with sparkling eyes almost as if in awe at that reaction.

“After all this time you can't even fight back?! You can't even bother to get to your feet?!” He giggles as all eyes turn on him and then back to the man who seemed to be shaking in a pool of his own piss. Hell, Alucard hadn't even been aware that the spirits even could piss themselves after dying and yet here he was being proven wrong in the faces of so many. “How pathetic.. You've even allowed yourself to be stripped like some corner whore.” He says, his voice dripping with venom as he continues to storm forward and a few shadows shift and stir behind him, revealing themselves as being his dogs. The shadows that he used so often when it came to killing those who truly deserve it and to say the least, they were starving. Itching the sink whatever teeth and limbs that they could into the man and Alucard could feel them waiting for his permission.

“Should I allow you to be treated like one too? To be raped and used from every orfis like they are?” He asks with a voice so hauntingly chilling that the room feels icy on impact.

I-I'm so sorry.. I never..

Sultan's voice suddenly cries out and Alucard finishes crossing the space between them with a few sudden and big steps which literally made the man yelp and try to squeeze himself into a ball as if he'd be granted access to hide. But no, not here, never here. He deserved to be seen, to be judge, ostracized like the filth that he was and if Alastor was the judge than he would judge this made and he was justice so of course he wouldn't offer him the mercy that he begs for now.

He even tries to meet Alucard before Alucard gets to him as some weak, pitiful attempt at being heard out, listened to and when Alucard stands right before him the man scrambled to his hands in knees.

F-Forgive me! Please forgive me.

Sultan Murad ll says while fucking sobbing, even attempting to move and kiss at Alucard's feet. He plants one and shakily looks up to Alucard to see it's affect on to be faced with… nothing. Not even the smile which had been there a moment ago as sharp, crimson eyes looks down at him like shit on the side of the street.

Quickly the man moves down to give another kiss only to gasp and a foot connects harshly with his jaw, kicking hard enough to knock him back on his ass and make his head spin. His vision is blurred for a second and there's a ringing in his ears and it takes him a minute to realize that he was bleeding everywhere from his nose which was fractured. It's like they weren't even dead. He hadn't expected to be able to feel such pain in the afterlife and now after quite literally getting a taste the man breathes quickly and heavily, cupping his hands under his chin to uselessly try and catch the red crimson which was leaking from him like a faucet. His hands shaking horribly as he slowly looks up and meets Alucard's vicious gaze.

“Don't touch me. You are the very last people I want touching me and you… know that.” Alucard says with a snarl as he now takes the time to lean down and place the child on the floor and understandably so, they hide behind Alucard for protection, not that they actually had anything to fear. They hid but not so much so that they couldn't see.

They wanted to see the show too after all.

“Those dirty lips, those filthy lips and you think that I want them on me after everything I've gone through thanks to you?” He hisses and the only reason he doesn't lunge at the man himself is because he doesn't need to, he had all these eyes around them right now, if you didn't tear him apart than someone else surely would.

“I wouldn't even drink your blood if it was the last bit on this shit fucking rock we call Earth. Don't. Touch. Me.”

He wants to grab him and throw him so hard on the group that his body would basically burst open with broken bones and limbs on impact but Alucard felt done with this trash, this waste of a human soul. And so, he simply scoffs, moving to turn away, gathering that small child in his arms once more and they happily allow him with a little smile forming on their face. Just seeing this was enough to calm them, was enough to give them vengeance, just seeing this man… practically smelling his fear in the air was enough to heal something deep within them.

Alucard however…

Didn't seem to change as he pulls them up and allows them to look over his shoulder at the view, holding them closely and even rubbing their back a little. And with a hum and a short whistle from his lips the spirits around them seem to suddenly jumping at the man startling with the hellhounds who didn't waste any time rushing forward, hungry.

Jaws snap down everywhere they can, fangs and claws tearing into flesh and spilling blood as Sultan screams in agony.

He probably had thought this wouldn't be painful but it was anything but as the hounds tossed him to the ground, and they cries and pleads only seem to continue. They filled the air like music and when the other spirits joined in, rushing to see just what they could get their hands on and tear into, Alucard hums.

There is a bit of satisfaction.

Especially when the man is faced with not just being torn apart but groped at as well, touched fondled.

Alucard wouldn't stop them and as his younger self watches with wide eyes he continues to hold them close as if they were his own child, one he created and to be honest… they basically were. He formed them every day, had been in this space with them alone for so many long and painful years.

No one knew them like he did.

And no one would know him as much as them.

Which was perfectly fine. Screams soon turn to cries, crimson on the floor soon finds itself blending in with semen, cum as the man was used but not only those starving spirits but the hellhounds too. Over and over again like some whore, some slut, just like he had done to so many others.

There's a sense of peace that fills the air over all the sobbing, the crying, the laughing and Alucard finds himself feeling even more so introspective then he had originally. Coming to the conclusion that even this didn't feel like enough to pay for it all.

However, the child in his arms seemed to brighten, shining like a start as they watched this show. It's the brightest Alucard has ever seen them, it's such a pure look that he never thought he'd be able to see in this world and it's warm. So warm, like the shining sun and before Alucard can stop himself he falls to his knees, clutching the child tighter now and burying his head in his shoulder.

The child squeaks and looks at him carefully and he's shaking, it clicks now that Alucard has finally broken, shedding tears from those beautiful crimson eyes of his and they still still for a moment but a soft smile forms on their lips.

Slowly, gently, they move to wrap their own arms around him now, hugging him close and Alucard sobs under the touch.

He's been to this place so many times now and never has he felt like this, never had everything just made… sense, and it was overwhelming having spent so many years with this pain. Trying to hold on to it and deal with it on his own but the thing was that Alucard was anything but alone and they were with him as much as he was with them and no matter how much he tries to ignore them, avoid them, hate them.

And Alucard found himself very grateful for them as he continues to let out tears that had been trapped in him for so, so long and they let him with a smile on their face.

“Thank you.”

They whisper now against Alucard while gently rubbing his back now much like he had done with him as he clung to them like a child would with their favorite toy.

It's like he had finally felt something new, different from what he's been stuck with filling for all this time and he tried to handle such an overload of emotions but simply couldn't.

“Thank… you.”

Alucard says back now while nosing at them, shaking a little less now as they rubbed them and held him close. Never having cried over all of this was one thing but having someone to cry with? Was definitely another.

It's relieving.

Like popping a balloon full of water, and as blood spills behind them Alucard allows himself to but wash with every emotion. And as he continues to cry he feels a wave of euphoria knowing that he's suddenly found a better reason to continue this life of his.

When he pulls back from the void he finds you next to him. Resting calmly against his shoulder, sleeping soundly it seemed. You had been working with him enough now that you two had built a bound and sometimes, you definitely tested your luck and this was definitely one of those times. A tear falls from his eyes, then another because why… are you here? Greeting him after he just took such a journey within himself.

You were so little next to him, so… sweet and kind and Alucard would be lying if he said that he didn't find himself fond of you.

Your bright eyes, and soft lips, smooth skin.. and with such beauty you were also… kind. So caring and loving and it suddenly makes sense as the why you're also here with him right now, practically tucked into his cloak. You must've worried for him. When the two of you met you seemed to nervous, so hesitant and as… cute as it was it was clear you tended to keep a distance from him so.. being here with him now, had to mean you weren't scared enough not to lay and take a nap right next to him and that makes him… smile a little.

He looks down at you for a moment, admiring your lashes and soft cheeks and the way you chest rose and fell slowly and without much other thought he wipes his eyes of their tears and slowly, carefully leans down to place a soft kiss to your forehead. His lips were soft, careful, against her warm skin and he could easily pick up on her natural scent. When he pulls back you stir a little, just a tiny bit and Alucard chuckles, moving his arm in a way for it to slip around you easier and pull you even closer. He goes back to resting his head, leaning it back to look up at the ceiling before slowly letting them fall shut and for the first time in a long time his heart felt…

Light.

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whitewoodwriter · 1 month ago

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Ever had something in your head that you just couldn't get on paper? Have an idea you want turned into a scene of a play, or a conversation between characters? Well, good news, because... Whitewood Writing is OPEN for Commissions!

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Have questions? Want to Commission your own piece? Message me!

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acemarkey · 3 months ago

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blah blah blah MY COMMISSIONS ARE OPEN!! my carrd with my info is here!

the tldr is art ranges from $1-10 dollars, with $10 more per additional character; writing ranges from $5-15! you may also dm me about voice acting, and prices will be discussed there!

i can take payments through cashapp, idv topup, or paypal!

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ladygwyndolin · 10 months ago

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Writing commissions are now OPEN!

Commissions are OPEN once again! Want something written by a published author/yuri-obsessed fanfic veteran? Now's your chance to get it! I'm opening FIVE SLOTS with a max of 3000 words each, so DM here or on twitter if you want one! Details and discounts below!

WILL WRITE: fanfic, OCs, character/reader, analytical nonfiction, original concepts, furries, existing fic canons, omegaverse, kink, original stories, etc.

WILL NOT WRITE: Incest, adult/child relationships, raceplay, etc.

FAVORED SHIPS (no discount, but ones I'm very familiar with and can do most efficiently):

-Any f/f ship for Soulsborne/Elden Ring

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DISCOUNTS ($5/1k words off for any comm of these ships):

-Reinhard/Kircheis or any f/f ship for LOGH

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(There are plenty of other things I'm happy to write, so don't feel limited by that list! If you're curious about whether or not I'm familiar with a piece of media, don't hesitate to shoot me a message and find out!)

Some examples of previous commissions:

SFW: "Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know" https://archiveofourown.org/works/51404692/chapters/129899833

NSFW: "Not Yet Forsaken" https://archiveofourown.org/works/49949596/chapters/126109429

Tips are appreciated but not required, and signal boosting this post is always a huge help! Feel free to lmk if you have any questions or want to reserve a slot! I look forward to writing for you :D

#writing commissions #commissions open #fanfic #writing commissions open #signal boost #writing #commission #yuri

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friendemmett · 2 months ago

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Who left these damn blinds open?

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Interested in a commissioned work? Emergency Commissions are open NOW! Read my post about Commissions and check out the Terms of Service for more information!

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ivorydragoness44 · 3 days ago

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Writing Commissions are Open

Commissions will be through my Ko-fi.

Once your commission is complete, I will message you and post the commission on my blog here.

For all of the commissions posted, I will keep the commissioner anonymous, unless otherwise discussed.

If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to message me.

~~~~ ~~~~

For my previous post on commissions, view this post here.

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feddy-fagbear · 6 days ago

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Hi. I'm tryna save up money to move. Any amount helps in this situation, mostly just looking to save up about 100 a week until I can move and having commissions as a backup while I find a job would be helpful to say the least. Message me if you're interested in a commission. My average turn around time is about a week. If you're interested in commercial rights to my work I'm willing to sort out a deal.

NSFW art I'm willing to create at a marked up price (50%), reach out if interested, 18+ only obviously.

Writing commissions will also be open. Working off the $0.01 per word rate, so 1,000 words would be $10. I'm willing to write both SFW and NSFW stories, reach out for details. Original characters only, I fear getting got for getting paid to make fanworks.

Thank you if you read this.

#art tag #art commissions #art commissions open #writing commissions #writing commissions open #furry #furry art #original character

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pastelvelvett-2nd · 3 months ago

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Yandere!Harper x Female!Reader

[♡] Last chapter

Chapter 2: Only human

Summary: A week has past, and your second tutoring session with Harper is today. It's rather inconvenient that the entirety of the night, her mind is far too preocuppied with thoughts of you to sleep, even the slightest bit. The perfect mask she built slipping in front of you would be her worst nightmare, and in all likelyhood, it probably would happen today, given her current state.

Word count: 5,230 words

Note: Hello again! This will first of the two promised version with male and female reader. The fact that I took a while to post this is made even more hilarious by the fact that I literally had to edit exactly one word in this whole thing, considering this story is in second person. I was about to decide to not post these at all, but then I realized that there will be more mentions of the reader's gender as the story goes on so it's worth posting this one too so we can have the full set. ...Okay I ramble a lot even for Author's notes, cool, good to know. Anyway hope you enjoy re-reading or reading for the first time! Here's to hoping I won't take another year to post the next chapter (haha dw I totally won't guys)

What did Harper truly care about in the world? It wasn’t directly related to what she was doing, like it tends to be for a lot of people. She couldn’t think of many things she did at all that came from mere enjoyment. The girl did everything she did not for the act of it in itself, but what she would gain from going through with it. Often, it felt like even small decisions and actions on her day to day life were strategies, as insignificant as they may have looked to those around her. Small actions and decisions that build up to make a portrait of herself others could enjoy. That’s why, her newly found, constant thoughts didn’t make sense to her. For nights in a row, she’d tumble and shift in bed incessantly, thoughts burdened and confusing. They didn’t start off as something she was bothered by, though. First, she had a fuzzy feeling inside of her as she thought back to your first tutoring session. Your entrancing frame and beautiful face burrowed itself in her mind, laid their eggs that would lead to more, to the point it was the only thing she could see whenever she closed her eyes. Your words, your tone, soft and comforting like a lullaby, replayed themselves in her head. Except, of course, unlike a regular lullaby, it just had to have had the exact opposite effect on her, about as damaging as three cups of coffee back to back would be at this hour. That’s where her pleasant thoughts started seeming to be more concerning, than anything. Why was she considering something so intently, when she didn’t have any real conclusion to these thoughts? Harper had gotten obsessed with things before, it was pretty much an integral trait to her already, but it was always for the sake of gaining something. The fact she didn’t understand what was happening to her was concerning in its own right. The girl let out a shaky, unnerved sigh as she, in a brisk movement, got up to a sitting position on her bed. Harper peered downwards at her soft blanket. It had a childish print; A repeated pattern of a cute, chibi cat sleeping, the whole thing being colored in varying shades of pink. Thinking back at everyone she talked to on a regular basis, it was clear as day they’d think she’s immature for secretly liking this sort of thing. How would you react, though? Would you be disappointed that she’s not truly a mature person, or would you be okay with that? Something told her you weren’t like them, preoccupied with what looks socially acceptable.

“Oh, crap…” Harper gritted her teeth, leaning forward as she covered her scrunched up face the second she realized. She couldn’t believe it. Her mind wandered to something other than you for one second, and that thought was so quick to turn right back to you. This clearly wasn’t something she could push out of herself by just laying down in bed, maybe if she did something, she could take her mind off of it. The girl looked up, her lavender eyes rapidly darting from her left to right to identify where on Earth she left her phone before she started sleeping. Or… Trying to, anyway. Ah… On the end table next to her, of course. Did she ever leave it anywhere else? Why did she even ask herself where it was to begin with? Harper stretched her body to the right to grab onto her phone and pull it from her charger. It was still warm to the touch from having charged for- she didn’t know for how long. Her eyes, used to the darkness of her room, tried adjusting to the bright, unnatural light the phone gave off as soon as she turned it on. Admittedly, the overly cutesy brightly colored wallpaper didn’t help much with this achieving this.

Oh…

Crap again.

Harper cringed at the sight of the time, 5:49 AM. It took her a full hour drive to get to college, so really, she only had an hour at her disposal. She couldn’t remember the last time that she stayed up the whole night without realizing it, if it ever happened to begin with. Normally, she goes to bed at 10PM sharp, and falls asleep only a few minutes later. Just what had you done to her?

Surely it wouldn’t be surprising to say that Harper couldn’t sleep in the one hour she had left. Instead, she worried incessantly about how that day was the second tutoring session she had with you, and the only thing she was running on was anxiety that kept her more or less alert. Still, the lack of sleep made her nowhere near as sharp as she’d hope to be for it. If anything, in her current state, you’d be the one able to teach her. Still, she had to put her best foot forward. She managed to get through the school day, yes, with a few weird looks from people that knew she was behaving strangely, but she was still able to jot down notes with… Some readability to them.

As Harper waited for you to join her in the back of the library, she lowered her face to get a better look at what she now recognized as being hieroglyphs that were intended to represent the English language in her notebook, coming to the morbid realization that she was deluding herself into thinking she’d been doing better than she actually was. She supposed she didn’t do very well with lack of sleep… Maybe because she was always strict with herself on getting a full night of rest, like her parents were with her while she was growing up.

—

Second week, second tutoring session with Harper. You had to admit that you were incredibly nervous, but thankfully less so now, since you noticed how approachable she was to you the last time. A part of you was fully expecting her to be the type of popular person to act incredibly sweet to some people, and horribly nasty towards those that have a less than stellar reputation, like you did. If anything, she seemed even more genuine and brighter when you talked to her one on one than in a classroom setting.

You inhaled then exhaled, paused in front of the library door, trying to remind yourself of these things. You’re fine. Just focus on learning, she wouldn’t judge you for being incredibly stupid (even though compared to her, you clearly are).

The library was very quiet, which was certainly a good thing for you. You could only see one person reading in a chair relatively close to the door. Not someone you recognized, from what you could tell. The guy gave you a weird, slightly judgemental look for just a second, which was enough to make you shrink and wonder if you did something strange. You weren’t sure if you were just being paranoid, it wouldn’t be the first time you imagined someone judging you. God, just focus… Find Harper. She’s chill. You’ll be fine with her. You hurriedly went deeper into the library, the stacks of books you needed for today held tightly against your chest. You were quick to spot her, sitting at the furthest table and staring down a notebook. Her face was pale enough that she looked like she saw a ghost, and unlike you, it didn’t seem like she spotted you nearly as fast.

She narrowed her eyes, nearing her face to the paper to get a better look while also lifting it. You had to wonder what made reading what’s there so difficult. It kind of looked like someone else’s handwriting, from what you could see, so maybe she borrowed someone’s notebook for some reason and was having some trouble reading it because she wasn’t familiar with the way they wrote. Another thing that was interesting to you- Harper tended to be… How should you say this without sounding rude (because though you’re obviously the only person listening in on your thoughts, you still would feel guilty if you thought something mean about someone that only treated you with kindness so far). She was always more attentive to the world around her than this, let’s call it. While you were 100% the type of person to look around disoriented when you go to meet a friend at any location, you always thought people like Harper were exempt from having those kinds of moments. Well, Harper is human, afterall… Like anyone else, she can get distracted.

You guessed that calling out to her would be a better idea, since you were starting to feel a bit creepy just looming over her. You didn’t doubt it would look suspicious if anyone saw you, they’d most likely think you were stalking her (and doing a pretty bad job at it, honestly).

“H-Harper, hel-”

The second you spoke out with a shaky voice and an awkward smile, she jumped up from her seat with a dramatic gasp and looked up at you wide eyed like you’re about to attack her. She dropped the notebook on the table in time with the gasp, making it fall and slide further to the other side of the surface, where you were. You looked down at the notebook that was just in Harper’s grasp briefly, which was enough to make her panic further and take it, sliding it in her backpack hastily. That was… Strange of Harper. You never once saw her like this, or heard of anyone seeing her like this. It looked like she was hiding a murder plot that she wrote about or something, though that was obviously not possible. Plus, you doubted the notebook was even hers to begin with. Maybe she wanted to copy someone’s notes or homework and she was ashamed she’d get caught…? But then again, why was only this mystery person’s out, and not Harper’s, too?

“OH! Y/N!” Harper exclaimed, a bit too loud for something she’d say in the library. “Hi! You’re…” She looked up to the clock with squinted eyes. …Maybe she needed to get new glasses, and that’s why she was squinting at that notebook, too? “Oh. Exactly on time.” Ouch.

“Haha… Surprised? I wouldn’t want to waste your time making you wait for me, Harper.” You laughed nervously, pulling out a chair to sit down next to her, careful to not place it too close to hers. She was already pretty jumpy, by default, the last thing you’d want to do is worsen her emotional state. Something… Clearly must’ve happened to cause her change of behavior. You didn’t think you had it in you to pry. The two of you weren’t terribly close or anything, afterall. That would probably make her uncomfortable. Harper was much quicker to reply to this than she was in noticing you.

“Oh, wait, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that… I meant I thought it was earlier than it actually was, so when I checked the time, I got surprised!” The pink haired girl tried her best to explain, as fast as humanly possible, so you wouldn’t have a misconception about what she meant for much longer. You eyed her in concern, studying her face. Upon closer inspection, beneath her eyes were dark bags that certainly weren’t there the day before. It didn’t look like she slept one bit last night, or if she did, she had very little. Maybe something was bothering her, and she couldn’t sleep? You didn’t know her personally at all, so you had no clue what could’ve happened. Interrogating her about it couldn’t be a good idea, so maybe giving her an easy out from having another tiring thing to do after uni would be the kindest course of action.

“You look… Pretty tired, Harper. Do you want to change the tutoring to tomorrow, or maybe some other day of the week? They should allow that, it’s still a tutoring session a week-” You couldn’t properly brace yourself over how immediate her response would be, even if you somehow knew about it ahead of time.

“No. No, we can do it today.” Harper’s voice was strangely firm, almost as if it was an order, rather than a confirmation. A few seconds of eerie silence passed before her different, frankly unusual demeanor melted away. “S-Sorry, I meant… I’m not really one to put things off. It’s a vicious cycle.” Oh, how nice it would’ve been to be her, and not your procrastinating self. It seemed like Harper was putting a genuine effort in pulling herself together, as evidenced by her straightening her back and clearing her throat. Her nervous, taken aback expression was turned into a calm and composed smile. Just how can she flip so quickly from one way of acting to another? It seemed like she’d be fairly good at something like improv acting or playing DnD, but you weren’t sure she was interested in either, or would be if she gave it a try. “Okay, sorry for the delay! We can start!” Realizing you still hadn’t sat down, you awkwardly shifted and moved towards the seat next to her, fighting off your immediate instinct to sit across from her instead. You supposed sitting right next to her was a lot more nerve wrecking of a concept, it was closer to her after all, so it made sense.

With Harper even closer, the marks under her eyes seemed far more pronounced, making your guilt over putting her through this deepen. Still, she was obviously doing this for the extra credit, so it was her own decision if she wanted to sacrifice her own comfort to get that week’s session out of the way. Harper was the type to take everything she did seriously, which was incredibly respectable to you.

As she introduced the subject of today’s focus (still under math, because God knows you needed it), you could see the energy and brightness she put forth just a few minutes earlier dissipate gradually. Harper’s speaking was slower, her pauses more frequent, and eventually, she even struggled to have her eyes be any wider than half lidded. Even more distracting was that her writing seemed a lot sloppier than I saw it be last week, enough for it to be very possible that the notebook she had in front of her earlier was actually hers. This wasn’t something you could commentate on openly, at least not if you pointed out the specific telltale signs she had of being sleep deprived. But maybe if you insisted you end the tutoring session early after a bit of time had past, she’d be more likely to accept it.

“Okay, so now that you know the formula to that, let me just write down an example before you try one on your own.” The pink haired girl slid her math notebook closer to her side of the table and began writing down a math problem, tired eyes deeply focused. Then she started solving it, her mouth twitching slightly at some point, followed by her eyebrow doing the same. It really seemed like Harper was unsure of what she was writing down. You knew she probably meant for you to look at it after she was done, and peeping would be a bit mean, but your curiosity simply couldn’t wait. You scooted closer, making Harper’s body freeze like a deer caught in headlights the second that she finished writing the final result. Your eyes narrowed and studied each line of calculations. It… Didn’t really sound right. At all.

”Oh… I kinda thought it would be something like this.” Harper allowed you to take the notebook from under her and watched you attentively with no readily apparent emotion. You quickly wrote down the solution that you thought would be correct right below hers, looking to her when you were done for some sort of feedback. Harper seemed the slightest bit horrified, her mouth opening wordlessly and her eyebrows furrowing in concern. “Is it… That wrong?” Harper blinked a few times, looking bewildered as she took the notebook back and read through my solution several times over rapidly.

“No… It’s correct. I…” Harper gulped nervously, seeming not so eager to continue her sentence. She looked up towards her own solution, silent for a bit longer. “I was completely wrong. This… Is completely idiotic, what’s wrong with me? It’s like if an elementary schooler tried to solve this!” Harper’s tone raised, and her breathing quickened. Her concern from earlier was a bit more than you expected, but this state of panic was way beyond that.

”Harper, it’s okay, really! Everyone makes mistakes-“

”Not me!” Harper’s head was lowered in shame, hands shaking to the point she was barely able to hold the notebook properly. Tears quickly welled up in her violet eyes, and it took no time at all for them to drip down her face and for her to close her lids, probably from the stinging effect her tears left in their wake. She sobbed and sobbed, leaving you speechless. “I… Can’t. I’m not allowed to.” Her voice was weak and quieter this time, the slightest bit rapsy from having raised her voice earlier. You had no clue how to comfort her properly, not knowing her well enough to know what worked and what didn’t. Everything you could try would be a shot in the dark.

You were so caught up in Harper’s emotions that you didn’t notice that the librarian had walked up to her. The middle aged brown haired woman placed a hand on Harper’s shoulder in a motherly way, and you could only hope that would be enough to make her feel at least a little bit better, because then you would know what you could do. “Honey, are you okay…?” Then, to your surprise, the woman moved her gaze from her to you, now far less compassionate and more pointed, more accusatory. “You didn’t say anything to her, did you?” Did it… Look like you were an awful person? You had no clue why so many people here expected the worst of you. Even the staff, apparently. Still, you felt an insane amount of guilt for not doing something to comfort her up until now. You wouldn’t be surprised if Harper would come to resent you for seemingly not caring, despite her trying to tutor you every week, even when she was so exhausted.

”No, t-they didn’t.” Her current state made the fact that she actually responded for you even more shocking. It was noble of her to think about how you were perceived, even when she seemed to be going through a panic attack. “I-I’m sorry for making a scene. This is a library, I s-shouldn’t disturb-“

“No, no honey. Please. Don’t think about that right now. Just focus on feeling better.” The librarian let go of Harper’s shoulder and looked towards me. “Y/N, was it?” You felt pretty bad that you didn’t remember her name, despite her remembering yours. “Please take Harper here to the counselor.”

”It’s a-alright, Mrs. Moore, I can go on my own.” Oh well, at least you knew her name now, that’s something. Harper stifled her sobs, making occasional sniffing the only obvious sign of her crying, besides of course, the tears streaming down her face. The girl took her notebook and stuffed it in her backpack quickly, slipping it onto her back. It seemed like Harper was trying to rush away before either of you could have the chance to protest.

“Wait.” You got up too, and grabbed onto her hand after she took just a few steps away. Immediately, as you looked down at her hand that was stiff from shock, a result of your sudden and probably socially unacceptable action (given how little time the two of you spent together), you came to regret that decision. Then you looked up, which was perhaps even worse, because you saw her staring at you with a confused, teary face. “Sorry for that, I just…” You tried taking your hand away from hers. This time, it was your turn to be shocked when Harper refused to let you go, holding your hand tight. You’d feel rather awkward bringing that up now, especially with Mrs. Moore being right there still, so instead, you decided to continue what you were meaning to say. “I really want to do something to help. Taking you to the counselor is the least I could do.” Harper just stared at you in shock for a few good seconds that might as well have been an eternity, given how bad your perception of time was after her sudden show of emotion earlier. Then, she chuckled, smiling. Her eyes brightened, and her breathing seemed to be steadier than it was before. It was pretty interesting, because she didn’t give Mrs. Moore this look of gratitude and happiness after she tried to comfort her. First, you assumed maybe Harper just didn’t feel that okay with physical touch, so her putting her hand on her shoulder didn’t help. Still, she talked to her, too, and she had a more gentle tone that should’ve had more of an effect, yet it didn’t. Maybe Harper didn’t much like Mrs. Moore? That was your best guess.

”Thank you. I-If… You’re okay with that, I’m okay with that too.”

You didn’t really expect Harper to immediately say yes, but needless to say, it made you relieved. You weren’t really one to insist with anything, it was too nerve wracking to demand something of anyone. Still though, you were pretty sure that demanding to go with her, a grown adult that barely knew you, was an objectively morally wrong thing to do that you wouldn’t have done even if you had a backbone.

—

You started leading Harper to the counselor’s office, the both of you incredibly quiet. It honestly felt a tad bit awkward for you to be leading her somewhere on campus, when you barely started going here a few months ago and still get lost sometimes, even now. You weren’t sure for how long, but Harper probably had been going here for a significantly longer time than you. It seemed like she knew the layout pretty well, even now, in her sleep deprived state. If anything, you were there for emotional support. You felt rather useless for not being able to give that emotional support, and instead be completely quiet.

“I’m sorry for-“

”I’m sorry for-“

Much to your shock, you both apologized at the same exact time, causing you and her to stop dead in your tracks. After a few seconds of bewilderment, the two of you laughed a bit at the coincidence. Not in a boisterous way, it was rather impossible to be too cheerful with the things weighing on both of your minds. But it was a soft, content laughter. You didn’t know about her, but it made you a bit more comfortable at that moment. This and her show of emotion earlier made you realize that as different as she may look to be from you, you may have more in common than you first assumed.

“That was interesting. …What are you sorry about?” You asked her, smiling and beginning to walk again. Harper began stepping forwards immediately, herself. You looked to your left and saw her looking downwards at the white, well cleaned tiles of the hall. You supposed what she wanted to say made her uncomfortable enough to want to avoid eye contact.

“For ruining today. For all I know you could’ve had a normal, happy day, and I just ruined it for you. Or, possibly even worse, maybe you had an awful day and I made it even more horrible.” Harper breathed out, seeming to be even more tired out by her own emotions. “I stood in the way of things being normal.”

”Harper…” You eyed her with sympathy, initially unsure of what to say. “It’s not your fault. You must’ve gotten no sleep at all, and there has to be something in the back of your mind upsetting you that was worsened by how tired you are.”

“It is my fault. Who else’s fault is it that I didn’t sleep last night like a normal person?” It looked to you that Harper was trying so very hard to maintain “normal”… Her idea of what a normal person was seemed to be pretty warped.

“Normal people have bad days, sometimes you can’t get sleep. Some things just… Aren’t anyone’s fault at all.” Harper’s brows knit together, and she searched your face for an answer to a question you weren’t aware of. A few seconds later, she smiled, humming softly and looking forward again.

“I appreciate that… Um… What were you going to apologize for?”

For a moment, you forgot you even apologized at all earlier. You got far too caught up with her apology to continue thinking about it. Her apology was about something pretty complex actually, as simple as her opening for this topic was. It made you realize that your reason for apologizing was so much smaller, to the point it would be fairly accurate to say that it was pretty much for filling dead air. You chuckled a bit. “For being quiet.”

”Oh no, there’s no reason for you to apologize for that. I understand why you’d be quiet… You probably don’t know how to react properly after my outburst.” Harper looked downwards with a subtle sadness. Earlier, she seemed to have liked when you held her hand… Would she feel better if you did it again? Before you could argue yourself out of doing it because of your anxiety over making her uncomfortable, you just did it, reaching out and gently holding her hand. That time, Harper didn’t seem quite as shocked. Instead, she welcomed the touch immediately, even holding onto your hand tighter as if she was afraid of you letting go. The very same way as she did previously. She smiled, though she still refused to make eye contact.

”It’s okay. Really. I’m not judging you for being human.” Harper’s smile dropped, and you immediately began to worry you did something to upset her. Even worse, that was the moment that she chose to look at you. In her eyes was a strong, burning emotion that you couldn’t pin down with any real certainty.

”Y/N…” Harper still faced towards you, but her eyes darted elsewhere. “I have to tell you something.” She paused, and built the courage to look back to me after a bit. “I wasn’t going to go to the counselor’s.”

”Huh…?” You raised an eyebrow at this and stopped walking again, Harper deciding to do the same. Why on Earth didn’t she say so? She could’ve told you the second the two of you left the library, if she was just worried about the librarian pressuring her about it.

“I was going to walk with you until the beginning of the hall the counselor’s office is in and tell you I can walk to it from there. Then I’d wait for you to leave. I was going to go out to get some fresh air on my own, get everything out of my system and continue with our session.” Would that… Really work? What if you decided to stand there and wait for her to get in before you left? Your face was marked with confusion as you tried to make sense of why it would be a big deal at all for her to refuse to go somewhere.

“I… Understand that you probably didn’t feel like you needed to go to the counselor anymore, but I just don’t know why you wouldn’t tell me. Did you think I’d get disappointed with you if you didn’t go?” Harper paused, biting her lip uncomfortably. You weren’t her mother, and even if you were, you would’ve understood that she didn’t need it.

”I don’t know if I really need it or not. I just don’t want it, and that’s all I was thinking about. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but… My parents put me through therapy at some point growing up, and I can’t say it helped much, to say the least. Anything that reminds me of that could only make me feel worse.” It seemed like she didn’t want to respond to your question, but from what you could tell based on her reaction, you most likely hit the nail on the head. “You must think I’m a pretty awful person for wanting to lie to you like that… But I realized how little you deserved to be lied to, and how uncomfortable I felt about doing it to begin with, so I just had to tell you.” Harper sighed out, body language seeming a bit more agitated now than before. When she noticed you weren’t responding immediately, she looked towards your eyes with unmistakable panic. “I’m really sorry.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay, really. I’m not mad.” After you gave her an encouraging squeeze of the hand, her eyes lost some of the anxiety it held in them. You were incredibly relieved to see her calm down a bit. “Let’s go together.”

”Outside…? Oh.” Harper blinked in surprise. It seemed like she didn’t think you offering that would be a possibility. “Yeah, we can go... I’ll be honest, I’m a bit surprised you still want to spend time with me after the way I acted.”

”Acted like what, a normal human with emotions? I get it, I’m human too, regardless of what some people may say.” You tried to joke around to brighten her mood, hoping it would work, as admittedly awkward as your attempt felt. Thankfully, she giggled, marking this mission as a success.

Oh, how did Harper wish that other people could be like you were. You were understanding of her faults and mistakes, her humanity, something she never felt from someone else. At the very least, not in a sincere form. Memories of the fake kindness she received back when she went through therapy flooded her mind, and it made her want to vomit. Actually… Maybe she preferred this. Maybe she preferred it because it made you so much more special. It felt like in her eyes, you started growing more and more, and she realized what a unique, beautiful person you were. She was deeply terrified that unlike her, you began seeing her as pathetic, as the small, scared child she saw herself as every single day. Maybe if you knew about the way she thought about you last night, you wouldn’t be so kind any longer.

But surely, you weren’t fake. Your empathy was a sincere one, and finally, she found someone she could trust. Still, Harper was afraid. As much as she already trusted you, she knew she shouldn’t be hasty, especially when she didn’t even fully understand her own feelings quite yet. Not only that, but it wasn’t exactly normal to get attached to someone so quickly, she was certain. Letting the relationship develop naturally would be for the best, before she could voice this part of her. It was a shame that keeping these obsessive thoughts to herself was already becoming irritating to her.

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