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geckosong · 4 years ago

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Anime Recommendations

Here is a list of ten anime (in no particular order) that are definitely worth watching, yet don’t seem to get nearly as much recognition as they deserve.

Terror in Resonance (2014)

This is my personal favorite anime and I push people to watch it whenever I can, which is exactly what I’m doing here.

This show is set-in present-day Tokyo, which has been decimated by a terrorist attack, and the only hint to the identities of the culprits is a bizarre video uploaded on the internet. For the majority of the show the plot follows two different narratives: those of the investigators tasked with bringing down the terrorists, and of the terrorists themselves.

My Rating: 10/10

Toilet-Bound Hanako-Kun (2020)

This anime is probably one of my favorites, if not my number one, in terms of art style. I love everything about the character designs and the colors used. It is just so soothing to look at.

The famous "Seven Wonders" that every school seems to have are a staple of Japanese urban legends. One of the most well-known of these tales is that of Hanako-san: Rumors claim that if one successfully manages to summon Hanako-san, the ghost of a young girl who haunts the school's bathrooms, she will grant her summoner any wish. When Nene Yashiro, a girl hoping for romantic fortune, dares to summon Hanako-san, she discovers that the rumored "girl" is actually a boy! After a series of unfortunate events involving Nene's romantic desires, she is unwillingly entangled in the world of the supernatural, becoming Hanako-kun's assistant. Soon, she finds out about Hanako-kun's lesser-known duty: maintaining the fragile balance between mortals and apparitions.

My Rating: 8/10

Kids on the Slope (2012)

If you love jazz, or history, or even heartwarming tales of friendship then this is the show for you. I will admit that is has a bit of a slow start, but by the time you get to the end you’ll be wishing for more.

In 1966, introverted classical pianist and top student Kaoru Nishimi has just arrived in Kyushu for his first year of high school. Having constantly moved from place to place since his childhood, he abandons all hope of fitting in, preparing himself for another lonely, meaningless year. That is, until he encounters the notorious delinquent Sentarou Kawabuchi.

Sentarou's immeasurable love for jazz music inspires Kaoru to learn more about the genre, and as a result, he slowly starts to break out of his shell, making his very first friend. Kaoru begins playing the piano at after-school jazz sessions, located in the basement of fellow student Ritsuko Mukae's family-owned record shop. As he discovers the immense joy of using his musical talents to bring enjoyment to himself and others, Kaoru's summer might just crescendo into one that he will remember forever.

My Rating: 6/10

Hyouka (2012)

Energy-conservative high school student Houtarou Oreki ends up with more than he bargained for when he signs up for the Classics Club at his sister's behest—especially when he realizes how deep-rooted the club's history really is. Begrudgingly, Oreki is dragged into an investigation concerning the 45-year-old mystery that surrounds the club room.

Accompanied by his fellow club members, the knowledgeable Satoshi Fukube, the stern but benign Mayaka Ibara, and the ever-curious Eru Chitanda, Oreki must combat deadlines and lack of information with resourcefulness and hidden talent, in order to not only find the truth buried beneath the dust of works created years before them, but of other small side cases as well.

My Rating: 6/10

Tonari no Seki-Kun: The Master of Killing Time (2014)

I absolutely adore this show. The episodes are only about 8 minutes long, and there is very little talking, yet the story still comes through perfectly. It never fails to brighten my day when I’m feeling down.

All Rumi Yokoi wants to do is focus during school, but she is constantly distracted by Toshinari Seki, her neighboring classmate. Paying attention during class is the least of Seki's worries, as he obsesses over intricate setups created using an assortment of items, from an elaborate domino course on his desk to a treacherous war played out with shogi pieces. Yokoi desperately attempts to focus in class, only to be repeatedly sucked into his intriguing eccentricities; however, they always seem to end up with her getting in trouble with their teacher. Fortunately, lessons will never be dull with Seki's antics around!

My Rating: 9/10

Classroom of the Elite (2017)

On the surface, Koudo Ikusei Senior High School is a utopia. The students enjoy an unparalleled amount of freedom, and it is ranked highly in Japan. However, the reality is less than ideal. Four classes, A through D, are ranked in order of merit, and only the top classes receive favorable treatment.

Kiyotaka Ayanokouji is a student of Class D, where the school dumps its worst. There he meets the unsociable Suzune Horikita, who believes she was placed in Class D by mistake and desires to climb all the way to Class A, and the seemingly amicable class idol Kikyou Kushida, whose aim is to make as many friends as possible.

While class membership is permanent, class rankings are not; students in lower ranked classes can rise in rankings if they score better than those in the top ones. Additionally, in Class D, there are no bars on what methods can be used to get ahead. In this cutthroat school, can they prevail against the odds and reach the top?

My Rating: 7/10

The Morose Mononokean (2016)

The start of Hanae Ashiya's high school career has not been easy—he has spent all of the first week in the infirmary, and his inexplicable condition is only getting worse. The cause of his torment is the mysterious fuzzy creature that has attached itself to him ever since he stumbled upon it the day before school began.

As his health continues to decline and the creature grows in size, Hanae comes across a flyer advertising an exorcist who expels youkai. Desperate and with nothing left to lose, he calls the number and is led to the Mononokean, a tea room which suddenly appears next to the infirmary. A morose-sounding man, Haruitsuki Abeno, reluctantly helps Hanae but demands payment afterward. Much to Hanae's dismay, he cannot afford the fee and must become an employee at the Mononokean to work off his debt. And to make things worse, his new boss is actually one of his classmates. If Hanae ever hopes to settle his debt, he must work together with Abeno to guide a variety of dangerous, strange, and interesting youkai back to the Underworld.

My Rating: 6/10

Beyond the Boundary (2013)

Another of my favorite aesthetically pleasing anime, this show has been the one that I show to friends who claim that anime cannot be beautiful (yes, several of my friends have actually said things along that line).

Mirai Kuriyama is the sole survivor of a clan of Spirit World warriors with the power to employ their blood as weapons. As such, Mirai is tasked with hunting down and killing "youmu"—creatures said to be the manifestation of negative human emotions. One day, while deep in thought on the school roof, Mirai comes across Akihito Kanbara, a rare half-breed of youmu in human form. In a panicked state, she plunges her blood saber into him only to realize that he's an immortal being. From then on, the two form an impromptu friendship that revolves around Mirai constantly trying to kill Akihito, in an effort to boost her own wavering confidence as a Spirit World warrior. Eventually, Akihito also manages to convince her to join the Literary Club, which houses two other powerful Spirit World warriors, Hiroomi and Mitsuki Nase.

As the group's bond strengthens, however, so does the tenacity of the youmu around them. Their misadventures will soon turn into a fight for survival as the inevitable release of the most powerful youmu, Beyond the Boundary, approaches.

My Rating: 7/10

Mekakucity Actors (2014)

I think about this show far more than I’d like to admit. The way they bring different plot lines together continues to amaze me 6 years after watching it for the first time.

On the hot summer day of August 14, Shintarou Kisaragi is forced to leave his room for the first time in two years. While arguing with the cyber girl Ene who lives in his computer, Shintarou Kisaragi accidentally spills soda all over his keyboard. Though they try to find a replacement online, most stores are closed due to the Obon festival, leaving them with no other choice but to visit the local department store. Venturing outside makes Shintarou extremely anxious, but the thought of living without his computer is even worse. It's just his luck that on the day he finally goes out, he's caught in a terrifying hostage situation.

Luckily, a group of teenagers with mysterious eye powers, who call themselves the "Mekakushi Dan," assist Shintarou in resolving the situation. As a result, he is forced to join their group, along with Ene. Their abilities seem to be like pieces of a puzzle, connecting one another, and as each member's past is unveiled, the secret that ties them together is slowly brought to light.

My Rating: 8/10

Angels of Death (2018)

You totally want to get emotionally attached to cereal killers, right? Of course you do, that’s why you should totally watch this anime.

With dead and lifeless eyes, Rachel Gardner wishes only to die. Waking up in the basement of a building, she has no idea how or why she's there. She stumbles across a bandaged murderer named Zack, who is trying to escape. After promising to kill her as soon as he is free, Rachel and Zack set out to ascend through the building floor by floor until they escape.

However, as they progress upward, they meet more twisted people, and all of them seem familiar with Rachel. What is her connection to the building, and why was she placed in it? Facing a new boss on each floor, can Rachel and Zack both achieve their wishes?

My Rating: 7/10

Bonus: Stars Align (2019)

I am adding one extra because this anime deserves so much more than it got. I adore every single character in this show and want nothing but to see them be happy. There is so much I adore about this show that I can’t put it all into words. I would recommend you watch this so you can share in my rage that the story was cut off halfway through with no current plans of completing it. There is no manga. There is no way of knowing what happens next. This recommendation is entirely for the purpose of generating more public outcry in the hopes that that causes them to finish the show. Please anime gods, if you are reading this I need to know what happens to my smol tennis boys. Are they safe? Are they alright?

Constantly outperformed by the girls' club, the boys' soft tennis club faces disbandment due to their poor skills and lack of positive results in matches. In desperate need of members,

Toma Shinjou is looking to recruit capable players, but he fails to scout anyone. Enter Maki Katsuragi, a new transfer student who demonstrates great reflexes when he catches a stray cat in his classroom, instantly capturing Toma's attention. With his interest piqued, Toma ambitiously asks Maki to join the boys' team but is quickly rejected, as Maki doesn't wish to join any clubs. Toma refuses to back down and ends up persuading Maki—only under the condition that Toma will pay him for his participation and cover other club expenses.

As Maki joins the team, his incredible form and quick learning allow him to immediately outshine the rest of the team. Although this gives rise to conflict among the boys, Maki challenges and pushes his fellow team members to not only keep up with his seemingly natural talent, but also drive them to devote themselves to the game they once neglected.

This story focuses on the potential of the boys' soft tennis club and their discovery of their own capability, while also enduring personal hardships and dealing with the darker side of growing up in middle school.

#anime #anime recommendation #zankyou no terror #terror in resonance #toilet bound hanako kun #kids on the slope #hyouka #tonari no seki kun #my neighbor seki #classroom of the elite #the morose mononokean #beyond the boundary #mekakucity actors #angels of death #stars align

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whentherewerebicycles · 4 years ago

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You seem to be really amazing at executing planned changes with food and exercise (and also generally better psychological habits) - can i ask for advice on this? I’ve finished up studying for now and realise my body has turned into a twisted up, pudgy, weakened wreck! Exercise hurts and sugar/processed food feels so cosy and I can’t seem to get through this part where i have to feel discomfort for a while before i feel better!

What works for you? Should i read that atomic habits book you mention? I saw another one recommended - the Kindness Habit - do you know anything about it?

(I tried journaling btw - but it didn’t get me anywhere)

hello!! i can share some things that have worked for me when it comes to implementing longer-term changes in diet and exercise. these seem really simple but i think that actually making big lifestyle changes is much less about summoning up colossal amounts of willpower and much more about making small but important tweaks to the way you think about/approach diet and exercise. here are five things that have been helpful to me.

(1) don’t think of diet changes in terms of restrictions (i.e., “what delicious cozy sugary things do i have to deprive myself of today to be Good”). instead, approach diet changes as a fun little game of adding in as many good things as possible (fruits, veggies, leafy green things, nuts of all kinds, whole grains, beans, etc.). every single time you are preparing a meal or looking for a snack, describe it to yourself as a chance to be creative and resourceful, as you think about fun ways to add in small good things every time you eat. especially in the early weeks, don’t restrict foods from your diet at all. focus solely on finding a creative way to add in something healthy and delicious every time you eat. (i really liked using the daily dozen checklist when i was starting out—they have an app and it’s very satisfying and fun to see how many things you can check off the list each day.)

(2) narrate this “adding-in” game aloud to yourself. for example: “oh—what if i eat a big handful of berries on top of that ice cream?”, or “i’m hungry—ooh, there are carrots in the fridge, aren’t there? i’ll eat three carrots with hummus before i switch over to pita chips”). and every time you figure out a creative way to add in a good food, stop and observe yourself doing it, and let yourself feel a little spark of delight at how clever and creative you’re being. this sounds silly, but i swear it works! part of changing your habits is changing self-talk & especially changing the kind of running narrative you have in your head about who you are and what you do. you can change that narrative in part by repeatedly reframing the way you tell it to yourself, ideally aloud (or aloud in your head) to help you can better “hear” and internalize the new story. instead of “ugh... i ate ice cream again. why don’t i have any self-control? why am i someone who just eats like crap?”, you’re offering your brain an alternate story, one that focuses less on things you perceive yourself as lacking, or on things you ‘failed’ to do, and more on the creative, positive things you did do (“i wasn’t going to eat any fruit today, but wasn’t it great that i remembered we had those frozen berries in the fridge? that’s pretty creative and resourceful of me, and plus it’s a good way to use up something i’d forgotten i even had”).

the “noticing and feeling delighted” part is just as important. to successfully change a habit, you need to find creative ways to make the new habit pleasurable in and of itself. the more pleasure you feel when you do it, the more self-reinforcing the habit itself becomes. you might not experience eating healthy foods as intensely pleasurable (at least at first, especially if you are comparing them with the intense brain-hacking pleasure that super sugary foods give us). so don’t try! instead, focus on making the choice a source of pleasure and delight. "look at how clever i was! look at how creative i can be! look at what a good choice i made! look at how good i am at this game of adding in!” that act of stopping, narrating, and letting yourself feel genuinely pleased with what you’ve just done makes the choice to add something in pleasurable, which in turn can help fuel your sense that this isn’t about having iron willpower or about cruelly depriving yourself of delicious things, but is about playing a fun little game with yourself, creating little challenges or puzzles for yourself throughout the day and then giving yourself positive reinforcement when you figure them out.

(3) manage your environment to set yourself up for success. to paraphrase the atomic habits book: the people who seem to have the best willpower are the people who have to exercise it the least. and they have to exercise it the least because they’ve very effectively managed their environment, arranging things so that the desired choices are easy and “frictionless,” while the undesired choices or habits are more inconvenient or introduce more friction (it’s harder to get to them).

the easy starter version of this (from atomic habits): put the things you want to eat in highly visible places and/or in appealing arrangements, and put the things you don't want to eat in places that aren't visible or that are inconvenient to access. ice cream goes in the very back of the fridge, buried behind all the other stuff. nuts go in a bowl on your desk so that you can idly snack on them while you work. apples and bananas go in a big brightly colored bowl right on the counter, so that every time you pass through the kitchen your eyes are drawn to them. chips go in the bottom cupboard, the one below eye level that you don't use very often, and when you get them out you pour some into a bowl and put them right back in there (instead of leaving the bag out on the counter). make the choice you want to make easy, and make the choice you don't want to make harder to get to.

eventually, the most effective way of managing your environment is just to exercise total control over what comes into your own living space. for me, if i don’t want to eat it, i don’t have it in the house. i typically also place a curbside delivery grocery order so that i don’t have to go into the store—anything that comes into my house is something i made a deliberate choice about ordering, not something i wandered by a shelf and added to my cart because i wanted a treat. something i’ve learned about myself over the years that moderation is just not in my vocabulary—i’m an all-or-nothing person, and it’s SO much easier for me to just not have stuff i don’t want to eat in the house. no ice cream in the house. no alcohol in the house. no fried things, no chips, no candy, etc etc. if someone kindly brings me baked goods that i did not ask for, i genuinely appreciate the gesture, but as soon as they leave i give them to my next door neighbor or dump them in the trash. (SORRY TO PEOPLE WHO BAKE FOR ME!) if it's in the house i'll eat it. if it's not, i won't, and i also won't miss it.

i did do this pretty gradually at first, though! when i switched to a primarily whole food plant-based diet, i focused on playing the adding-in game for a couple weeks, and then when i started getting competitive about it i decided to use my grocery order as a way of creatively boosting my fruit/veggie/etc consumption even more, and in the process i started winnowing out things that took away chances to add in a good thing. i would say it took about three or four weeks to get to my personal ideal state of Nope I Don't Have It In The House.

it takes time, but i’d say that within a month of having only things you want to eat in the house, your cravings will be gone, at least within your own managed environment (going to restaurants or traveling DOES require you to exercise willpower, but there are ways to prepare for this in advance). the good news, though, is that 6-8 months or so of eating like this usually brings with it such improved sleep, mood, energy levels, skin, hair, GI function, etc etc that you start to be like oh my GOD why would i want to eat that horrifying thing?? I KNOW HOW BAD IT MAKES ME FEEL!! I WANT TO POWER MY BODY WITH PLANTS!!!!! in other words, the pleasurable side effects of eating well becomes positively reinforcing in its own right, while the negative effects you experience when you reintroduce sugar or fried things tends to reinforce the idea that those foods Feel Bad.

(4) it's not exercise, it's movement. i too used to hate exercise and found it extremely painful and tedious and horrible. so instead of exercising i just started moving. i canceled my membership at the local dog bar, where i had been taking my dog almost every day to let him run off excess energy, and started talking short walks with him twice a day instead. if you don’t have a dog, offer to walk your friends’ dogs—trust me they will lose their MINDS with joy lol. i think that starting to build in regular walks is the best way to get active again, because walking is typically quite pleasant and it becomes positively reinforcing to like, wave at the same neighbors every day, and see the cute kids next door running around, and notice all the ways that the trees and flowers are changing, and so on.

if you do not find being outside inherently pleasurable (sometimes i do not lol esp if i’m grumpy about having to walk the dog), tie another pleasurable activity to your daily walk. i listen to about six hours’ worth of hockey podcasts a week and i am only allowed to listen to them on my walks, so i end up looking forward to the walk because i’m desperate to hear people talk about My Guys. you can also walk with friends, or call a friend while you’re walking, which is even better than podcasts!! social walks are so much fun and go by so much more quickly. i started out just doing daily 15 min walks, and over the past couple years have built up to walking between 60-90 min a day when i’m at home. sometimes i hate/dread my walk; sometimes i love it and look forward to it. but regardless of how i’m feeling, i do it every day and if i miss it once, i don’t miss it a second time.

as far as activity goes, i think it’s totally ok to just be a person who walks a lot! but i’ve found that becoming someone who walked a lot helped change my own narrative of myself—I started to think of myself as a walker, an active person who moved a lot every day. and that made it easier to pick up other forms of activity too, or at least to adopt a curious, exploratory attitude towards other forms of movement. also once you start tracking your active minutes you tend to get quite competitive about it! or at least i do, lol. i keep a note on my phone where i write down the date + type of activity + total number of minutes I did after every burst of activity, then at the end of the week i add it all up and compare it to the previous weeks. it makes me want to do more, to beat my own numbers—or it makes me want to keep up a streak (like, if i have a five-week period where i’ve consistently hit a certain level of active minutes every week, i don’t want to break it!!).

my biggest suggestion for exercise, though, is to figure out what kinds of things you enjoy and what kinds of things you don’t, and then to spend all your time doing things you like. i HATE structured fitness classes and workout videos. i hate them so much!!!!!!!! but i love being outside, i love doing solo activities (as opposed to group workouts), and i love doing any form of movement that doesn’t feel like a Planned Workout, capital w. also becoming a hockey fan got me really interested in skating, so i picked up rollerblades and found that to be amazingly fun too (something i can do outside AND something that feels like gliding around effortlessly AND something that makes me feel closer to My Favorite Guys!!!!). you may not have passionate feelings about hockey fandom as i do, but i think it’s really just about being creative—finding a creative way to link something you don’t love to something you do love, or find pleasurable, so that you can start forging those positive associations.

i spent my first couple years of being more active just walking walking walking, and then this past year during the pandemic when i really ramped up my movement i added in longer walks, hikes, and rollerblading, and i also looked for ways to “habit-stack,” ie attaching an activity i don’t much care for (running; exercise biking indoors; doing squats and lunges) to one i do enjoy (i take my tennis shoes when i go skating and then go for a run immediately afterwards, before i have time to talk myself out of it). there are still all kinds of things i don’t do—i really don’t love strength training + bodyweight exercises yet, and i hate stretching even though I Know I Should, and i know that if i want to get stronger and faster, or build up my endurance, i will eventually need to introduce some element of structured training into my daily movement.

BUT the idea of making those changes seems kind of cool to me now, instead of Horrifying and Dread-Inducing! i feel like all the positive associations i’ve forged have made me more curious and open to ideas i would’ve resisted with my whole being not all that long ago. i found a way to make movement pleasurable, and then (thanks to sports fandom + my tendency to go down research rabbitholes) i found a way to get myself intellectually and emotionally engaged in the general concept of being a highly active person. for me, that combination of real pleasure + intellectual/emotional stimulation is what i personally need to build & maintain good habits.

(also, just shoehorning this in at the end because i like it: the “it’s movement, not exercise” mindset shift was also really helpful to me because it stopped me from thinking of exercise as like, this highly structured, regimented, torturous thing you forced yourself through for a set period of time each day, and helped me instead think of movement as something that humans are designed to do & to naturally enjoy. instead of Forcing Myself to Exercise, i looked for more natural-feeling forms of movement that didn’t feel so artificially divided from my “real life.” i think that helped with reframing my self-narrative, too! it made being active feel more integrated into my daily life, which in turn made it easier to think of myself as an active person, someone for whom movement was just a normal part of daily life and not a thing i had to psych myself up to do every day.)

(5) it takes time to build good habits, but not nearly as much time as you might think, and eventually you stop thinking about how long you’ve been doing something and you just start enjoying it (ie it becomes a genuine change in your lifestyle/thinking, not an artificial thing you have to work hard every day to maintain).

i am not yet AN ATHLETE and may never be, but i often remind myself that it took me a little under 30 years to build up a PROFOUND aversion to exercise, so it’s actually kind of miraculous that in just two years i’ve become someone who genuinely, earnestly, enthusiastically enjoys being active and feels antsy/weird/restless when i can’t get out of the house and move. every small stride i’ve made has strengthened my trust in myself and helped me reframe the narrative i tell myself about what kind of person i am and what i do/don’t do. every time i do the thing (whether it’s exercising or making a delicious healthy dinner) & happily notice myself doing it, i reaffirm to myself that i’m the kind of person who takes care of my body and mind by eating well and spending lots of time moving outside. (as a side benefit, when i spend a lot of time happily noticing things and speaking encouragingly to myself, i also reaffirm to myself that i am a happy person who treats myself kindly and who is always eagerly seeking out experiences that feel joyful and life-affirming.)

plus, the more often you do something, the more opportunities you have to have positive experiences while doing it! not every walk is AMAZING, LIFE-CHANGING, DEEPLY FULFILLING, but like, if i am walking seven days a week, that’s seven opportunities for something cool or fun to happen on a walk (not to mention seven opportunities to reap all the physiological & emotional well-being benefits of exercise!!). and if i am really conscious and intentional about noticing and actively delighting in those positive experiences, i help wire in those positive associations more deeply, and my brain/body increasingly comes to associate movement with happiness, joy, and fulfillment. as the habit of being more active becomes fulfilling in and of itself, i don’t have to expend as much energy tricking or cajoling or bribing myself into doing it.

i hope this helps!! i am literally always happy to write extremely long essays in respond to simple anon questions, lol, so if you want to talk more about your own ideas for building better habits please do share!! i can also rec you specific books that i’ve found really useful—both for just like, helping me figure out how to make big changes, and also for providing that intellectual stimulation that gets me more engaged in wanting to eat well & be more active.

(also, on the extremely slim chance that you are also a hockey fan: over in my fandom sphere, we are organizing a fun summer thing inspired by one of our fave hockey players, where we’ll be planning lots of fun fannish community things to get ourselves moving this summer. it’s going to be a good time!!)

#food #movement #mw

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magic-of-drawing · 4 years ago

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Extended content on Balan Wonderworld

Okay, the Demo has been released for a long while now and I know there is high criticism for it and many folks would likely turn away from it. But to anyone who is still interested in play the game after experiencing the Demo or still curious about it, then I will leave this message is for you (as someone who followed this game series since its announcement trailer) you can have a better understanding of it.

BALAN WONDERWORLD is a wondrous action-platformer game themed around a mysterious musical theatre. The stars of the show will use special abilities from a multitude of characterful costumes as they adventure in the bizarre and imaginary land of Wonderworld. So think of it.... as you playing Alice who is actually traveling to Wonderland. The game is more or less a successor to Night in Dreams but is something different. It's related but it's likely doesn't reside in the same world (take what I said with a grain of salt.)

~Now to get to the more narrative aspect of the game....there isn't a straightforward story but rather a theme to it. Here memories and vistas from the real world mix with the things that people hold dear. There are Twelve different tales (or Chapters) in Wonderworld and each with its own unique quirks (or settings). They are mostly labyrinthine stages, using all tricks and gimmicks whether out in the open or hidden, the player needs to get through them in order to get to the heart of each touching story.

So long story short: It's basically you traveling to different worlds that reflect their hosts, find their "heart", discover what brought darkness within their hearts, and freeing them. Basically a rescue mission with a twist.

~Next we move onto the game mechanics (which I believe, is the biggest subject that needs explanation), the random characters like Tornado Wolf and Jumping Jack are actually embodiments of power-ups or costumes. There are like 80 or more in this game and each of them is a representation of the Host and their world. What they represent is basically up to you.

So far there are like 5-6 costumes each in 12 chapters and each one has a unique skill or quirk to them that can help you guide around the stage and solve puzzles. And since there are usually 2 Acts on each chapter stage so there are likely 3 or 4 costumes in them as well.

The little creatures are called Tims and are basically the Chao or Nightopians of Wonderworld. They live on the Isle of Tims (which is your Hub World) and they are born from the happiness felt by inhabitants of the real world. They all come in colors and personalities, and they’ll help you on your adventures. For example, The Pink Tims help you collect items you overlook or past while the Red Tims attack your enemies.

The Drops are like food that changes their colors and quirks while also making them bigger.

The Balan Bout is basically a quick-time event where you play as Balan. If you play with all excellent you get a Balan Statue.

The Statues are mostly scattered throughout the Chapters and you will need to collect enough of them to move to the next chapters. It's always good to collect as many of them as possible if you can.

~ Moving onto the main characters, there only 4 we are aware of.

Starting off with the title character, Balan himself is the magical maestro of the theater with eccentrics of his own. He's mostly your guide in Wonderworld and basically the one Genie from Aladdin of Wonderworld. He's charming to say the least and easily the most fun to watch.

Next, we have the player: Leo Craig A 15-year-old boy who always acts cool but is really lonesome. Several years ago he had a big argument with his best friend and has preferred being alone ever since which explains in his cutscene on why he is kinda rude.

Then we have another player: Emma Cole, also 15 who is has a bright smile yet often concerns herself with whatever one says around her which makes her very self-conscious and nervous.

Finally, we have Lance, the mysterious being within Wonderworld who controls the Negatis and traps visitors in Wonderworld with negative energy to create monsters out of them. Not much information from him other than he is the antagonistic force of Wonderworld.

So far, this is much information on the characters as we can collect thus far.

Finshing up with the discussion, I believe the game itself is mostly a passion project for Yuji Naka and I can tell he put a lot of work into this too. There are some things that needed more focus on like the context as well as dialogue but as I mentioned earlier, the core of the game is mostly about finding Balance within yourself and understanding what makes you happy in life. And since the setting resides in a magical theater...I think going to expect music, dancing and probably singing as well.

A/N: This isn't me defending the Demo as I am aware that it has issues that needed to be fixed but I am also willing to give the game series a chance since it's the kind of game that I honestly don't mind playing. This message is just me explaining the game in a better context from the information that I and the discord server had collected over the time since the announcement so please do not judge those who still love the game.

TLDR: My discussion is a thorough extended content of BALAN WONDERWORLD,

~An action platformer game with puzzle-solving and collectathon

~The story is more of a Theme that is a central topic, subject, or message within a narrative. And it takes place in a magical theater about 2 teenagers with issues helping 12 other people with issues with the power of friendship, theater, and furry outfits.

~There are over 80 costumes that help throughout the Chapters/Stages of the game.

~The Tims are your helper sidekicks

~And game has good visuals and content but the execution of the demo was not but still giving it a chance.

#balan wonderworld #square enix #balan wonderland #games of 2021 #balan #game informer

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moving-blogs-dm-for-new-one · 4 years ago

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SO....fanfic. This is just the one I just wrote which is basically 100 headcanons wrapped in a trenchcoat, so....yeah

Reblogs >> Likes!!!

Edit: Forgot to mention this is loosely based on someone elses hc of Benrey loving metal music, but I cant remember who it was so if someone finds me the post I can pop credit in!!! ❤️

Benrey never understood feelings all too well. It loved the sweetvoice immensely; it was like a little code only it and its friends knew, and no one else could tell. It didn't like feeling vulnerable like that. It prefered it that way.

When they finally got out of Black Mesa following the Renosance Cascade, it took a massive special interest to human music. It started out slow; it would listen to music in it's spare time, flicking through artists and albums and more before it finally settled on a genre it felt it loved. Metal.

There was a special kind of power about metal, it thought. There were so many emotions in it, but it wasn't sappy. It wasn't vulnerable. It wasn't anything more or less than it needed to be. It just was. It was powerful without softness; it was feeling in all the right ways. Benrey listened to it almost constantly; nodding along to it's favourite bands whether at work or home or any place else. It didn't need to sleep much, if at all, so it would plug in its headphones over long nights and shut its eyes, and that was close enough, it thought.

Slowly, over time, it got more and more into it, "purchasing" (Tommy tells Gordon not to ask) instruments and getting super passionate about it. It starts making and recording its own music, but for the first while, it's only the instruments.

Gordon and Tommy come home one day and hear this heavy, thrumming guitar, and the most powerful soul music bursting out of Benrey's room. They crack open the door and Benrey is fucking BUSTING out its heart into this song, headphones on and head-banging and biting its lip as it plays the guitar with every bit of energy it has. It sounds amazing. Neither of them have ever seen Benrey look so....alive. Tommy cries.

Sometimes Tommy and Gordon like to tell it they're going out, just so they can hear it sing again.

Benrey writes more songs based on it's feelings. It names songs after colours; none of its fans know what they mean, and many theories swirl, but the science team understands. That's what's important to Benrey.

When it's upset, instead of pestering and causing problems now, it goes to its room and writes. It pounds on the drums, rocks the guitar, sometimes screams its feelings out into the mic until it feels better. It begins pushing its negative feelings into its music. It's like a special kind of therapy made just for Benrey.

At this point, it doesn't know any of its friends can hear it singing at home. One day it's rocking out to a song it wrote; it's not the first love song Gordon's heard it write, but it is the most emotional. Gordon finds parts of it rather familiar, in a way he can't place. This time, for reasons he doesn't know, he steps into the room.

Benrey finishes the song, somehow without noticing he's there, and manages to switch the mic off before sweetvoice bubbles out. Big, thick bubbles of pink and blue float into the air, and it's turned away from Gordon, hands clenched in it's shirt, shoulders hunched.

"What does that one mean...?" It's a soft question from him, but it makes it whip around, clearly mortified. Gordon swears he sees it blush, but it could be a trick of the light; Benrey's room had terrible lighting. More pink and blue bubbles out, seemingly without it's control, and it coughs, looking away. It doesn't say. It's not ready yet. Gordon watches it for a minute, quiet.

"Can I hear you sing more?" Benrey does it's absolute best to hold the explosion of pink bubbles and nods. Gordon doesn't pester on his other question. Not now. He understands. He finds he understands Benrey a lot better, lately. He smiles.

It starts becoming pretty popular, and eventually gets a decent following. The science team is delighted and proud, showing up to its small shows and helping pay for things when needed. They all cheer it on at shows so hard it has to fight back sweetvoice, and eventually it starts to laugh more at dinners, genuinely smile more when they're together. It seems happier. Music really is its therapy.

Gordon is talking to Tommy one day, absentmindedly. The two will sometimes just ramble to each other about whatever's on their minds; neither one minds, they both like to talk as much as listen. He mentions the pink and blue, an afterthought, but the way Tommy's head whips around tells him it's more important than he'd assumed. Tommy questions him further, and eventually smiles, obviously delighted.

"What?" Gordon questions, confused. "What is it, T? What's it mean?" They laugh, giving him a toothy grin and staring for a moment, seemingly deciding whether or not to tell. The pitiful look Gordon is giving them makes them laugh again, but they crack.

"I told you, Gordon, they're all rhymes!" Gordon sits for a moment, and Tommy tries their best not to laugh at him as he visibly tries to puzzle it out. Sunkist nudges them and they sigh, deciding to take pity on their friend.

"Pink to blue means I love you, Gordon." Gordon snaps up right, the gears visibly turning in his head. His face explodes in red, and he stutters, clearly disbelieving. Tommy shakes their head, sighing.

"You're both so oblivious. You know it writes those songs for you, right?" Gordon sits back on his haunches and thinks about that. And he thinks. And thinks.

He doesn't stop thinking about it for the next week, actually.

He lays up at night listening to Benrey quietly put lyrics together through his wall. He listens during the day to it play as he does his work; he hums along to tunes he knows in the shower, and he finds his fingers drumming in time with Benrey even when he's away. And he realizes it's not the music, so much, that hasn't stopped pervading his mind.

Gordon makes his decision.

Benrey has a show that coming weekend, the biggest one it's played so far. It's clearly nervous, hands constantly wringing in its shirt and semi trimmed claws picking at its fingers in a way that is both nauseating and adorable to Gordon. He finds his way backstage before the show, clears his throat to announce his arrival.

Benrey looks over, a small bubble of grey popping out of its mouth, and Gordon makes the split second decision to wrap it up in his arms. It stiffens, but relaxes much faster than either of them probably anticipated. They both idley note that this is their first hug whilst sober as Benrey tucks its face into his shoulder, breathing deeply. Gordon rubs its back gently with his prosthetic arm, taking a deep breath.

"You can do this, Ben." Benrey swallows thick and hard at the nickname, and Gordon continues.

"We believe in you." Gordon pulls back, and if he saw a shimmer over its eyes, he doesn't mention it. It nods, and gives Gordon the most stupidly dazzling grin, and Gordon has no idea how he didn't notice sooner. He leaves to join the crowd in a daze, whereas Benrey walks onto the stage with an heir of confidence it's friends have never seen. They've never been so proud.

The show is an absolute hit; the crowd is screaming, the pit is bursting, Benrey looks amazing in the spotlights, Gordon notes. It's head is thrown back, a grin on its face as it belts out its songs, and Gordon finds himself doing more staring than cheering this time. Tommy playfully nudges him in the ribs; he laughs and nudges them back. They give him a knowing smile, and he prays the shitty lighting in the crowd hides his blush.

The science team nearly pounce it after the show. Coomer is wearing at least three t-shirts from the small shop outside and chattering excitedly; Bubby feigns indifference, as usual, but they're smiling softly and they're wearing a shirt too. Tommy is stimming uncontrollably, hands flapping as they hop from foot to foot, and Darnold is delightedly laughing along with Coomer's chattering, complimenting Benrey on it's show. Even Forzen is there, a massive toothy grin on his face as he playfully digs his cousin in the ribs, obviously proud.

Despite the attention, Benrey's eyes drift up to Gordon's through their friends. Gordon smiles at him in a soft way, and Benrey feels like it might melt on the spot. It steps forwards past their gathered friends, who step aside, and Darnold, Tommy and Coomer waste no time very un-subtlely whispering to each other about it.

"Hey Ben," Gordon greets as it approaches, and they grin at each other.

"Sup, Gordos." Gordon laughs, rolling his eyes, but it's in more of a playful way than an annoyed way, now. He holds out his arms and Benrey wastes no time stepping into them, and they choose to ignore the noises coming from their friends. They look at each other for a moment before cracking into giddy laughter, foreheads bumping together. Gordon opens his eyes and finds Benrey already looking at him. They stare for a moment as Gordon builds his confidence, hands slightly shaking, and his still-flesh hand feels clammy and gross. He hopes Benrey doesn't notice.

"So…" Gordon starts, and Benrey snorts, but doesn't interupt. Gordon takes another deep breath.

"I know what pink to blue means now." Benrey's eyes widen, and it has the thought to turn and yell at it's friends, but the way Gordon laughs dazzles it out of the thought for a moment.

"And, y'know what Ben?" Benrey feels like it's swimming through the air, trying to keep focus on Gordon.

"What?" It asks, almost breathlessly. Gordon gives this nervous, shy kind of smile, and Benrey thinks it might explode.

"I love you too."

And that was the first time they kissed. The science team has never been more proud.

Benrey is glad it got into music.

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theparanormalperiodical · 4 years ago

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7 Scariest Times The Paranormal Was Caught On Camera That You NEED To See, And The Real Stories Behind Them

What hasn’t been caught on camera?

There’s the 'accidental’ sextapes which are now a confirmed marketing technique, there’s the montages of racial slurs spewed by streamers looking to get, ahem, relevant, and then there’s the clips of customers telling shopping assistants that yes, having to wear a mask is in fact an infringement on their human rights.

(It’s not f*cking hard. Wear a damn mask.)

But everything isn’t just online.

Oh no.

It’s online and filmed in full HD.

And it’s not only the living that are having their most embarrassing moments projected to the world in Ultra-4K. The dead have also been making their name in viral videos.

In fact, it’s the desire to capture the paranormal on camera which has been used by influencer-wannabes and paranormal investigators to secure views and get people talking. But as a result of this, there’s a vast range of clips, pics, and tv shows that claim to capture evidence of the paranormal. And if that wasn’t enough, most of these are faked or fluffed to encourage viewers to fall for the alleged evidence of the afterlife.

But there are some which can’t be explained.

There are some which show no scars of ‘shopped shadows and ghostly figures.

There are some which fit the local legends and complete the paranormal puzzle of the location.

I’ve sifted through YouTube, and I’ve scoured the web for real footage of the supernatural. Now it’s time for you to get traumatised.

#1 - A late-night visitor to The Shaws Bay Hotel wanders around the bar, Australia

In this clip - taken at 1am in August 2015 - we see a white glowing mist move around the tables in full view of the CCTV camera. It keeps its peculiar form in the shape of an orb or a round shadow for a couple seconds, and appears to walk between the tables like a customer before quickly flying off camera.

Check out the video here.

Surely the glowing mist could just be a small bug buzzing across the camera? Or maybe a spec of dust floating in the thick air of the bar?

The thing is, this mist-figure set off the motion sensor security camera, prompting it to record. A moving bug wouldn’t be enough to cause it to start filming.

And if that wasn’t worrying enough, this potential paranormal evidence fits the local legends all too well. This is believed to be the ghost of ‘Little Sarah’, a 7 month old that died in the neighbouring Fenwick House in 1887. She was actually the daughter of the captain - Captain Fenwick - who built the house.

Locals are well versed in her hauntings:

'As a person who has lived in the old house, let me just say it is a very spiritually active house and area’

They typically cite strange noises and objects moving by themselves as the most common activity, but alarms being set off and doors opening are oft mention, too, matching the video in question. She is also known to wander around houses and buildings nearby, and clearly chose the local pub to explore that evening.

#2 - One of the black-eyed children of Cannock Chase wanders in the woods, UK

Black-eyed children are the latest urban legend trend, with creepy kids now dominating discussions of the paranormal. And this video clip is just one more scrap of evidence to suggest that maybe, just maybe, they are real.

You can see the evidence for yourself here.

Filmed by paranormal investigator Lee Brickley (okay, right, it might not have been filmed by him, there is some confusion over who filmed the video or who’s investigation it was in my research), he claims he was filming the notoriously haunted Cannock Chase location when he saw the young girl with pale skin and ‘coal-black’ eyes.

He claimed the child was roughly a metre in height and her head was tilted to one side as if she had been hung or her neck had been snapped (either way it ain’t good). For five minutes the young girl stared at them with her deep, dark eyes, until she sprinted back into the dense trees.

The thing is, this is not the only sighting of black-eyed children in Cannock Chase. As far back as 1982 sightings have been recorded. And all of the sightings - whether the children scream for help, run for the hills, or stare into the darkness - match other claims of supernatural activity local to the area.

The pig-man of Cannock Chase also haunts the location, and is probably presumed to be an evil entity similar to that of black-eyed children. These black-eyed children are believed to be either aliens, vampires, or ghosts.

But they are still largely considered to be simply an urban legend.

The haunted nature of the woods is only furthered by its bloody past: in the 1960s, 3 young girls went missing which were eventually traced back to Raymond Leslie Morris. Could these black-eyed children be the victims of his crimes?

#3 - Antiques move by themselves in Barnsley Antiques Centre, UK

Thanks to the Annabelle movies, haunted objects - whether in creepy-doll format or another vintage style - are the latest trend in terror. And it's for that reason that video clips like this are quite so scary.

In this video we see CCTV footage of a dark shadow next to a shelf. It then gently sways and a huge, heavy lamp comes crashing down from the shelf.

See for yourself.

Okay, fine, it’s a small shadow, and yeah only a few objects fall down. But according to the owner and visitors to the centre, it could be one of the spirits that haunts the location. So much so, that the centre actually has a YouTube channel devoted to their haunting which you can find here.

In 2016 the owner of the Barnsley Antiques Centre claimed he had experienced over 50 occurrences of peculiar activity alone. From the employees that work there to those looking to bag a bargain, this is not the first time something supernatural has been seen.

Fact is, if you collect enough old and potentially haunted objects under one roof, the unexplained is bound to occur. You can read more about haunted or cursed objects right here.

#4 - A glowing light and distinct orb is seen flying over a crib, UK

In this clip we open to a baby’s cot and 8 week old infant that is fast asleep. A baby monitor records a light floating above the cot. We also see the father of the child lean over the child, and a distinctive ghostly glowing orb shake and sway next to the child.

Check out the video.

Orbs are considered one of the most popular signs of paranormal activity that can be captured on camera. But what I want to focus on here is that it is hovering just about the baby.

Children are known for their ability to see and communicate with the paranormal far more than adults. Of course, this could just be an ‘imaginary friend’ or something simply from a daydream or a nightmare; but it's when children mention people that actually did exist that concerns arise.

The connection between children and spirits might just explain why this paranormal phenomenon lingered so closely to the infant. Could this have been a protective spirit, perhaps?

#5 - A haunted calculator is used to communicate with the dead, USA

It's a rule of thumb amongst paranormal enthusiasts:

You never, not ever, attempt to communicate with spirits.

Calculators controlled by spirits come under this umbrella of communication - even if it does sound like it belongs in a parody film.

What do you think?

There are enough videos on the web showcasing the uses of a ouija board, whether they’re real or not. But according to some psychic mediums, ghosts can use any conduit they want to communicate with us. Spirits on the other hand typically only communicate with us through mediums.

In fact, most paranormal investigators often resort to asking ghosts questions and waiting for a visible or audible response, such as a knocking sound. That’s why this video is quite so concerning.

Not only is the calculator old and seemingly unhackable to those ‘using’ it, by communicating with the ghost or spirit, they are inviting the presence to latch onto the location or the people communicating with it, allowing it to feed off their energy.

If this is an evil or negative spirit, this could be the start of a haunting.

#6 - The ghost of an RAF soldier is filmed walking along a busy road, UK

These days, hitchhikers are rarely picked up by passing cars. If anything says potential murderer, it’s that. But this video doesn’t catch a killer - it shows someone who has already been killed.

This clip shows a man clad in khaki and dark brown walking around a road near Belsay who is trying to flag down cars driving past. He appears to be an RAF soldier, but he actually served a couple decades ago. According to local history, this could be the spirit of a soldier that crash landed during the Second World War.

*insert Donald Trump meme about basic f*cking history*

What’s your verdict?

In October 1943, a spitfire spun into the ground at Middlepart Farm. Could this be the ghost of a soldier walking free from the wreck?

#7 - The spirits of soldiers are recorded at Gettysburg, USA

In this video we see small lights and shadowy figures move along a small leafy hill in Gettysburg, a national military park. And as a result of its history, this clip is believed to capture the spirits of soldiers that were caught up in the 3 day battle in Pennsylvania.

Check out the video here.

Thanks to its bloody history - from which approximately 7,800 soldiers died - claims that there is paranormal activity are easy to make. But the location itself has garnered a reputation for supernatural occurrences.

Books, documentaries, EVPs, videos, and pictures all claim to connect and reveal the spooky truth of the location. This video only fits too well.

Numerous spots within Gettysburg have been considered specifically haunted, including the local college, an orphanage, and the home of the only civilian that was killed during the battle. Soldiers tend to lead the haunting, but a ghost cat and ghost children are also spotted at a local inn.

The high emotional atmosphere and bloody violence that took place here - along with the severe volume of deaths - suggests that this short clip showcases just a few of the spirits that still linger here.

As video becomes the mainstream format for communication - whether you’re aiming to become the next big TikTok star or are just sending a meme to a mate - one thing is clear:

Why not use it to prove that the afterlife exists?

Liked this post? Want to read a new article about the paranormal every week AND hear a new real ghost story everyday? Hit follow.

And while you’re at it, make sure you check out The Peoples Paranormal Archive where you can binge accounts of real paranormal experiences and contribute to the project with your own.

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takerfoxx · 5 years ago

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Um...

Right. Okay, so here we have the finale of season one, and with the announcement that we are indeed getting a second cour (ha! Called it!), they wisely did not wrap anything up but instead cranked up the momentum, ending things on a literal cliffhanger.

So...huh.

Now, there are two principle points I’d like to focus on here. And the first ought to be obvious.

=ahem-

SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!

MAIN EVENT OF THE MAGICAL GIRL BRAWL! WE HAVE KNIGHT OF JUSTICE SAYAKA MIKI TAKING ON HOLY SHARPSHOOTER MAMI TOMOE, IN HER SECOND EVER TITLE DEFENSE! KOUHAI VS. SEMPAI! STUDENT VS. MENTOR! WILL THE IMMOVABLE OBJECT BE ABLE TO TOPPLE THE IRRESISTIBLE FORCE, OR HAS SAYAKA BROUGHT A KNIFE TO A GUN FIGHT? FIND OUT, ONLY ON PPV!

Yeah, okay, that happened. The third ever one-on-one fight between two of the classic megucas, and this one involved BEST GIRL Sayaka Miki, whom I’ve been waiting desperately for.

I mean, Sayaka vs. Mami! Can you get any more hype than that?

So...why was I not as hype as I ought to have been?

Well, the answer to that is simple. It’s because somebody got really excited after seeing the fight and decided to post spoilers all over social media before I could see the episode, spoiling Sayaka’s big entrance and the fact that she fights Mami for me! I mean, she even opened with her signature fire extinguisher spot! I would’ve flipped my shit!

See, this is why I use the spoiler break! So I don’t do that to someone else!

But all griping aside, the fight really was amazing. Sayaka gets unfairly dismissed as the scrub of the group, mainly due to her getting absolutely trounced by Kyoko in their 1v1 and later succumbing to despair, but let’s face it: she was a rookie, one with no real training, made to find her own way while being compared to veterans like Kyoko and Mami, Homura the cheatspammer, and Madoka’s sheer unnatural potential. Sure, she powerleveled in Rebellion Story, but that was due to supernatural means.

Well, I mean, more supernatural than usual.

Here, we get to see what would have happened had Mami survived to train Sayaka properly, if Sayaka got some actual experience and learned to use her abilities.

And she kind of kicks ass.

I mean, my girl straight up tanks a Tiro Finale, even going so far as getting her own arm blown off in what was probably the franchise’s goriest scene yet, and simply snatched her own hand out of midair with her regenerating arm! She went head-on with superpowered Mami Doppel (I think?) and held her own?

I mean, it didn’t last, because superpowered Mami Doppel, but she still made a good showing of herself. Which leads to Iroha summing her Doppel (of course) and...Yachiyo summoning hers, because apparently she could always do that? And...um...

Yachiyo. Dude.

I’m sorry, but that whole...scorpion thing they were going for might have worked as a full witch, but with Yachiyo’s head sticking out the front with her on all fours just looked really, really stupid. Like, distractingly stupid.

So anyway, them working together manages to be enough to bring down Mami (whom apparently has transformed into an Uwasa by this point?!), but the whole museum comes crashing down and Iroha is dragged away by Mami, who by this point is quite coocoo, as is her wont.

So yeah. Awesome fight. Interested to see if Sayaka sticks around to help Yachiyo, and if we’re getting more of Kyoko. I presume Madoka and Homura make their debut next season.

So...now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s talk about the thing I’ve been puzzling over for a while now.

We see Touka give her big Hitler-esque speech with the WoM gathered below her in their cult robes. Rena’s not having it and tries to leave, but gets blocked off by the others. And apparently Yui, Felicia, and Sana are either up to something and trying to blend in, or they’ve decided to say fuck it and join up. And apparently Kuroe is there too! Wonder where she’s been.

But anyway, here’s what’s got me all twisted up.

We’re clearly not meant to like the WoM. Alina’s a psycho, Touka’s got that empty-eye grin that’s used to denote villains, their acolytes wear cult robes, Touka’s speech was clearly meant to evoke Nazi Germany, they’ve brainwashed one of the OG’s, everything about how they act and how they’re framed is meant to portray them as the bad guys.

Except...pretty much everything in Touka’s speech was...right? Like, completely? Everything she said about being victims of the Incubators’ scam is exactly what the fans have been saying for years. And she genuinely did find a way out of it, a way to channel negative energy into a temporary witch form without becoming a full witch. She stopped the wish/witch cycle dead! That’s amazing!

So what’s the catch? Why are they the bad guys? I mean, ditch the robes and give the leaders’ an attitude adjustment, and I don’t see how they could be.

Well, I have some theories about that. Of course there is a catch, because this is still PMMM, and I would bet my left arm that it has to do with the Uwasas. We never did get an explanation as to what they were for, but given that their whole purpose is to lure people in, I’d say that they’re the ones providing the necessary fuel for the Doppel system to work. I recall Touka saying something to that effect during her speech, so probably in order to save themselves, the WoM need to prey upon normal humans, harvesting their emotional energy the same way the Incubators harvested that of magical girls? I mean, hell, a lot of what Touka has said has made me believe that she’s kind of a magical girl supremacist, one who sees it as their right to lord over normal people.

Plus, apparently the weird writing when Mami went ham noted her as actually having become an Uwasa (or so I’m told), so what if that’s what Uwasa are? What if they really are kind of witches, ones created from WoM members? Which would also make Touka a bit of hypocrite.

Also, Walpurgisnacht is fucking coming. Fuck.

So that was the first season of Magia Record, something I went into with plenty of reservations but did eventually get won over by! I mean, I didn’t love it, and still consider it the weakest of the three shows I watched this season, but I still liked it a lot, flaws and all. Solid 7.5 out of 10, and hopefully season two will ramp things up, now that all the gang is established the plot is finally moving.

And that new ED was dope.

#puella magi madoka magica #pmmm #magia record #yachiyo nanami #iroha tamaki #touka #alina grey #sayaka miki #mami tomoe #reaction

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anonsally · 4 years ago

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Days 79-82 of COVID-19 shelter-in-place

These have been four very intense days both globally and personally. This admittedly long post will focus more (but not exclusively) on the personal side of that.

Day 79 was Wednesday. I hadn’t had enough sleep, but I got up at a reasonable hour because I needed a ballet class. Before class started, I got a call from the medical center for scheduling a procedure I need to have done. That will be in 2 weeks, contingent on me testing negative for COVID-19 four days beforehand. I’m anxious about the procedure but will be glad to get it over with after several months of worry. Anyway, ballet class was good for calming me down.

It was hot out. I did my parents’ grocery shopping (and bought a few things for us) and then had a nice conversation with my dad when I dropped off his groceries. We talked about the state of the world. He told me about a city that had literally fired its entire police department and started over... which is what we probably need on a national level, with very few exceptions.

I refueled the car on the way home and got a predictably late start on my work day. Wife got two more job interviews scheduled at very different companies. I took a walk, spotting another Steller’s jay at the bird feeders. The jays are so much larger than the little birds who frequent the feeders!

I then went to try to buy milk, but the tiny independent market had closed early to enable the employees to get home before curfew. So I had to go to Trader Joe’s instead. By the time I got home I was somewhat demotivated about food prep, but luckily Wife pulled herself together and scrambled me an egg. I didn’t manage to get to bed till 1am, which was at least an hour later than I’d intended, but Wife was still up at 4am!

Day 80. I forced myself to get up at 8:30 since I knew I would need to go to bed early that night. I arranged to (video-)meet with my boss at 12:30. I started work around 11am or so and got a few thing done. The meeting with my boss was good--partly social, discussing how we were coping with the situation and working from home, what we missed about the office, and such, but we also talked about what I’ve been working on. She reminded me that the study section reviewing my grant application will be meeting this month, so I will have to remember to check my scores.

Afterwards we had a meeting with a few other coworkers, which was fairly productive. I had a short “coffee break” video call with a colleague, too. The county-wide curfew was lifted a day early.

After work, I took a walk in a direction I hadn’t gone in a while. Was heartened to see Black Lives Matter signs even in cul-de-sacs in a wealthy, mainly white neighborhood. I picked up takeout for dinner, and did a bunch of Adulting in the early evening, including preparing for the next morning. I was in bed by 10:45pm.

Day 81. My alarm got me up at 5am, and we left at 6am. We got to the medical center on time at 7am and I went in (Wife was not allowed to accompany me, but had to be there to drive me home; there was a separate room across the street for visitors to wait in, which was good because it was suddenly very cold outside). Initially, there was a lot of waiting, during which I did a little bit of yoga and dancing as I knew I would not be able to move much for the rest of the day. I was there for a diagnostic procedure involving a needle (for data privacy reasons I won’t get more specific here; it’s unrelated to the procedure I’m having in 2 weeks), which required me to remain horizontal for 4 hours afterwards, at least according to the information they’d given me beforehand. I had to be fasting from midnight the night before: no food or drink, including water.

Eventually I was wheeled down to the ultrasound department, where the doctor who planned to do the procedure met me and the radiologists. However, when they looked at the images, there were a lot of vessels around. The doctor did not feel confident that she could do the procedure based on a mark on my skin without accidentally hitting a blood vessel. So she asked the radiologists to do it as an ultrasound-guided procedure, which would be safer since they would be able to see what they were doing on the ultrasound. This procedure was done with only local anaesthetic. Mostly I couldn’t feel what was going on, and it was supposed to be very quick, but unfortunately, the resident had a lot of trouble--the senior radiologist was trying to guide him through doing, but he couldn’t get the needle positioned quite right, and in the end the senior radiologist had to do it herself. It was pretty uncomfortable and there were some moments where it was quite painful. I tried to breathe deeply and stay relaxed, but it was hard. When they finally got it to work, it was over pretty quickly. I was relieved. It was about 11am by then.

However, I had to spend an hour in a large recovery room with many other patients, while my blood pressure and pulse were monitored. I had expected to have the procedure done upstairs in the room where I’d started, where I had left all my stuff. They very kindly sent someone up to retrieve my phone for me so I could at least text Wife and my parents so they would know the worst of it was over.

After an hour I was wheeled upstairs and transferred from the gurney to a bed (this took 3 people as I was not allowed to stand up yet) for more monitoring. They drew my blood to test my blood counts; I was going to be allowed to leave after only 2 hours of bed rest if the counts were stable. After the 2 hours, I was allowed to get up and use the bathroom (and grab the crossword puzzles from my backpack to work on), and then I continued resting while waiting first for the blood counts, which finally came back fine, and then for the discharge papers, which took an unreasonably long time. Around 2pm the nurse finally allowed me to have some ice--hoorah! (I was parched. I normally drink at least 2 liters of water per day.) At 2:40pm I was cleared to leave; I texted Wife, who went to get the car and picked me up at the entrance to the hospital at about 3pm.

Literally every single person on the hospital staff was kind and friendly. They all introduced themselves to me by name, including the people whose job it was to simply wheel me from one place to another, and they all seemed to be invested in my well-being. When I was being wheeled through the hallway, whenever we passed anyone else who worked there they smiled and said hello both to me and to the person in charge of transporting me. It seemed like everyone working really considered themselves a team, with respect for everyone regardless of place in the hospital hierarchy. Since, like all patients during this pandemic, I was there alone and a bit anxious, it made the experience much less unpleasant than it could have been.

I spent 8 hours in the hospital, so I really hope I didn’t catch COVID-19, but the procedures seemed pretty good. I was wearing a mask almost all the time (except in the room where I was waiting at the beginning and end, which was essentially private), as were all the employees, and everyone was sanitising their hands every time they entered or exited a room or touched any equipment. I also didn’t spend the whole time with any one person. So, hopefully it was safe.

I spent the rest of the afternoon vedging out at home, rehydrating, and finally eating, and I went to bed earlier than usual though later than I expected, around 12:15am.

Day 82. I wanted to try to get a lot of sleep so my body could heal from yesterday’s ordeal, so today I slept till about 10am. The wound from the procedure is tender to the touch and there’s a small bruise near it, but otherwise I’m not in pain from it. Except my ankle is in more pain than it’s been in for ages, and I have no idea why. Maybe I slept on it funny? Or maybe it’s an aftereffect of the weird position I had to hold during the procedure.

I think my joy at getting to eat cereal this morning was perhaps a bit over-the-top!

Wife had a bad headache today, likely caused by neck tension from all the driving yesterday. I am still pretty tired today, despite all the sleep, but I suppose that’s to be expected.

We went to the farmers’ market and stumbled upon a socially-distanced, family-friendly protest. A friend of mine was there with her kids, but I didn’t see her. We bought our produce--though I had to make an extra trip back to the car to drop off my purchases, as I am not supposed to lift anything heavy today. The stand with the curried fish had run out, but they still had some uncooked prepped fish, so we bought that and they explained how to steam it at home. We came home and cooked the fish and ate it for lunch; it was just as good as it would’ve been if they’d cooked it. Phew! Other than that we’ve been relaxing at home, though Wife did gather her energy and go for a run, which has helped to relieve her headache a little (as has the bath she took afterwards, and the painkillers she took).

I’m hoping to feel up to taking a dance class (online) tomorrow.

#personal #dance #birdwatching #Health Care #food #even though there is no picture of food here #black lives matter #epidemiology #activism #tl;dr

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amyscascadingtabs · 5 years ago

Text

i’ll walk through hell with you

chapter 2: i guess truth is what you believe in

read chapter one

read on ao3 here

Amy and Leah visit family, a holiday is celebrated, and illness takes over the Santiago-Peralta household.

december

If there is one thing Amy is certain of, stuck in the car with 97 miles to go and an overtired toddler in the back seat, it is that something must be seriously wrong with her.

No one in their right mind says yes to a family weekend upstate with all siblings and their families nine days before Christmas. Not when it’s a three-hour drive. Not while they’re already left alone to care for their child for the weekend due to a time-sensitive and crucial opportunity coming up in a case Jake has worked for two months. Not when previously mentioned child is recovering from a cold and is ten times more cranky and attention-craving than normal.

Except - apparently - Amy.

She doesn't know what the fuck she was thinking.

She knows some thought went into her plan, such as the idea to drive late at night so Leah could sleep in the car. She simply wishes it could have worked, because right now the toddler is singing Wheels On The Bus for the seventeenth time in forty minutes and Amy feels like her head is going to explode. It's a quarter to ten, over two hours past the kid’s bedtime, and so far she refuses to fall asleep. She's wide awake in her seat, chatting and laughing and singing like there’s no tomorrow. If Amy had as much as a spare drop of energy left -even better, if there had been another parent in the car to focus on entertaining their child - the whole thing would have been adorable, but tonight it’s exhausting above anything else.

“Maaa-maaa?” Leah shouts the word from the back seat, wildly kicking her legs against the back cushioning, and Amy has to take a deep breath before she can reply in a calm tone.

“Yes, baby?”

“Are we there?”

“Not yet, Lee.”

Amy can see the reflection of Leah scrunching her forehead in the baby car mirror. “Why?”

“Because we still have a little way left to drive. We’ll be there soon, I promise.”

“Soon?” Leah shines up, kicking her legs again. “When is soon?”

“It will go faster if you close your eyes for a while,” She tries, using one of the oldest parenting tricks in the book. “I promise.”

“Not tired!” Her daughter responds in her cheeriest voice, and Amy gives herself a mental pat on the back for stifling a groan.

They repeat this exchange about ten times or so before Leah tires of it and returns to her singing. At that point, Amy’s counting it as a win. As much as she loves being this kid’s mom, there are indubitably times - and late-night drives with an overtired two-year-old in the back seat - when she loves it less.

Then Leah falls asleep for the last ten miles of the drive and clutches her arms and legs around Amy like a koala to a tree when she’s lifted out of her car seat and carried to bed, and it’s easier than ever to love being a mom.

There’s never an uneventful day with all of the Santiagos in the same house, and it’s not any more relaxing with the extra presence of six partners, twelve grandchildren, and one dog. From the moment Amy and Leah make their way down to the kitchen for breakfast, and the toddler finds out there might be a cookie baking session with grandma happening today, the day is in full swing. Leah joins her in facetiming Jake for a few minutes to say good morning, but after that, Amy barely sees her daughter for more than a split second in several hours.

The chaos is a welcome distraction. She plays Cards Against Humanity with Luis’s teenage daughters and Julian until Simon starts begging them to help him make a YouTube video, and she teaches five-year-old Noah how to draw the perfect portrait of a horse. She reads a story to three-year-old Maisie, and she laughs heartily at the sight of Leah chasing Oscar the Bichon Frise around while yelling Kitty Cat!. For a few, wondrous hours, Amy manages to live in blissful oblivion over the two starkly negative pregnancy tests she unceremoniously shoved in the bathroom trash can before leaving yesterday, and it feels like heaven.

It feels like heaven up until she joins the crew of brothers and partners currently taking up space in the kitchen. Her brother Isaac is parked in the middle of the kitchen couch, feeding the youngest Santiago member, just-turned one-month-old Milo, with a bottle; around him Camila, Luis, Tony and his wife Clara all fawn over and admire every aspect of the newborn’s appearance. Christian, Julian and Julian’s husband Lucas are at the other end of the kitchen cuddling with and doting on the exhausted dog, and Amy silently curses her allergies for making her unable to join them. Simon just brought out his camera in the living room and she refuses to risk another unwilling YouTube appearance, so her only option is to sit down with the team of awestruck baby-admirers.

“You forget how tiny they are,” Luis says, watching the infant with a nostalgic glance in his eyes. “I’ve had five, and you never get used to it.”

“You don’t,” Camila confirms with a small laugh, reaching out to stroke the baby’s closed fist with her thumb and index finger. “Not even I do. I’m shocked every time!”

“I thought I remembered everything from when Maisie was born.” Isaac grins, giving the empty baby bottle to Camila and carefully lifting the infant upright against his shoulder. “But then he comes out, and I think he must be several pounds lighter because surely Maisie was never this tiny, but he was bigger!” He shakes his head. “It’s insane.”

“He’s so cute,” Tony chimes in. “Do you get to sleep anything? I’m nervous about that.” His left hand is resting next to Clara’s on top of her visible baby bump. Amy lets out an audible snort upon hearing about her brother’s main cause for worry, but Isaac just grins.

“You get used to it. It’ll probably be worse for Clara anyway.”

“Great.” Clara grimaces, turning to Amy. “I can’t even sleep now! I either have a baby sleeping on top of my bladder or kicking me in the ribs for the whole night.”

“I remember.” She smiles, thinking back to the few times late in her pregnancy she’d made Jake sleep on the couch only because she couldn’t stand listening to his snoring on top of it all. “It sucks, and then everyone keeps telling you to sleep while you still can and you’re trying not to punch them.”

“Exactly!” Her sister-in-law laughs, tucking a strand of red-blonde hair behind her ear. “At least everyone says it’s worth it.”

“If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have done it so many times,” says Camila, and Clara looks relieved. “Oh, Amy, you need to hold Milo for a little while! He’s been in everyone’s arms except for yours today. Isaac, send him to Amy.”

“Oh.” She squirms in her seat, a nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach. “It’s okay. I was just going to look for Leah anyway -”

“Leah’s upstairs doing puzzles with Sarah and Samuel,” Isaac explains, referring to David’s two-year-old twins. “She’s fine. You can hold him, Ames.”

“I think I’m good… okay, no choice, I see.” Her younger brother’s already holding out the infant to her, and before she can adjust to the thought, there’s a tiny, yawning baby in her arms.

It’s achingly familiar, yet it feels like it’s been forever.

At first, it’s like every muscle fiber in her body tenses with the sudden awareness that there's a fragile, helpless human in her arms and the weight of terrifying responsibility resting with her for a moment. It's been two years since Amy last held a newborn, and she certainly forgot how breakable they feel when they haven't learned to support their own head. Then Milo lets out a content sigh, his mouth twitching like he's smiling at her, and although she knows he's too small and it's likely just gas, the brief facial expression makes her feel chosen.

She's missed this, she realizes. Noting the classic Santiago baby appearance traits, the head of dark hair and the little button nose, she thinks of countless hours spent holding her own clingy newborn two years ago, and bites her lip when she remembers that she still has no idea when she’ll get to do it again. Milo’s adorable, and Amy's secretly wishing he could stay in her arms forever or she could steal him and take him home with her, but he's also a painful reminder of what she wants most and doesn't have yet.

“He likes you,” Isaac comments, nodding towards the infant. “You and Jake haven’t thought of having another one?”

She freezes at the sound of his question, instantly clueless about what constitutes a good reply. She could tell him the truth, of course, and probably receive a flood of well-meaning advice about the best ways to conceive, but doing so would lead to expectations. Santiagos aren’t known for struggling to have kids, and she’s terrified of handling a hoard of family members subtly trying to figure out whether or not she's pregnant every time they see her. It's enough pressure coming from herself. She doesn't need people adding to it - least of all her family.

“Oh,” she says instead, avoiding eye contact by playing with one of Milo’s fists. “Well, we’re not sure yet.”

“Two years is the best age span between siblings,” Luis chimes in. “We always tried to aim for two years and our kids are super close.”

“Yes, yes, two years is perfect,” Camila agrees, nodding eagerly. “The adjustment is much more difficult when they’ve turned three, or four, and suddenly they’re not the youngest anymore… Sometimes I think Tony never got over his grudges against Simon!”

“I’m telling you, mom, that’s not it, we have a grudge because four years ago he made me do that awful cinnamon challenge that almost gave me an asthma attack and filmed it -”

“Two years is great,” Christian interrupts his younger brother’s story without remorse. “We went for two years between Isabel and Noah and it was perfect. You do want to have more than one kid, right?”

Amy has never wished harder for a baby in her arms to start crying.

She needs to get away, out of the situation where she has to hear and answer these sudden intrusive questions, but Milo shows no signs of waking. She’s stuck with a panicky, claustrophobic sensation in her chest and a forced smile on her lips.

“We do,” she replies to Christian’s question, weighing every word carefully. “We’re just not sure when.”

“No point in waiting,” says Isaac, looking at the baby in Amy’s arms. “I wish we’d had Milo earlier!”

There must be a lack of air in the room, or her allergy medicines have stopped working and are making her react to the dog, because she can’t shake the feeling she’s suffocating. She's feeling trapped even in the spacious kitchen, and although she knows everyone has their eyes fixed on Milo, she can't shake the feeling it's her they're staring at.

She wonders if they're seeing right through her; if they somehow know about negative pregnancy tests of yesterday, or if they can sense her desperation and frustration in the fake smile plastered on her face.

“I suppose you never know,” she answers somehow, heart pounding too quickly. “I, uh… have to go to the bathroom. Do you want to hold him for a little while, Clara?”

Amy senses eyes on her as she sneaks out the kitchen, hurries through the hallway and grabs her coat before heading out and sitting down on the porch, but she can't bring herself to care. She has to fill her lungs with fresh air and get away from well-meaning but prying questions, or she’s going to have a full-on breakdown.

There’s a layer of snow on the ground, too thin for any children or adults to be playing in but enough to give a sense of hope for a white Christmas. She scrapes her fingers through the minuscule ice crystals gathered on the wooden decking, drawing an uneven heart with her index finger and following it with another.

You do want to have more than one kid, right?

She draws a third, smaller heart below the two bigger ones.

You and Jake haven’t thought of having another one anytime soon?

She draws a fourth tiny heart next to the third one.

No point in waiting.

She hides her fist in the sleeve of her winter coat, rubbing it over her drawings and turning them into nothingness. She curses the fact that Jake’s working, that he and Rosa are following up some highly important leads today and their mission would likely be sabotaged if she called and interrupted her husband now, and she curses the fact that Leah’s having the time of her life playing with her cousins and would probably scream in protest if Amy tried to steal her for cuddles.

It’s not too cold outside with her warm coat keeping her comfortable, but she’s still shivering, so she wraps her arms around herself and tries to blink away the tears taking form in her eyes.

She’s aware she’s being ridiculous. Having a baby takes more than a couple months of trying in many, many cases - the majority of them, even. She’s far from unique, yet a sneaking suspicion and vexing anxiety are lingering with her.

No point in waiting.

She puts one hand on her chest and one hand over her stomach, trying to focus on the fresh air flowing in through her nose and out through her mouth, filling and leaving her for each inhale and exhale.

“Just relax,” she whispers to herself, pretending it's Jake's voice saying the words, his unwavering belief that it will all be fine she's listening to.

“Are you sure you’re still my sister? Have you had some kind of personality change?”

“Huh?” Amy almost jumps at the sound of Julian’s voice, bringing her out of her focused breathing and forcing her to look up.

“You’re willingly outside in the cold weather,” he declares, slumping down next to her. “Even with a coat on, that's impressive for you.” She notes that he's only wearing a hoodie himself and seems unbothered by the temperature.

“I needed fresh air.”

“Because of Oscar? I swear his breed is supposed to be allergy-friendly, we researched that stuff in depth. Maybe your allergies are just undefeatable?”

“No, it’s fine as long as I don't pet him.” Amy places a hand on her brother's shoulder, squeezing it. “Oscar’s great. Leah's in love with him.”

“Isn't he amazing?” Julian's grin is comically wide, his eyes sparkling with undiluted pride. “He can sit, and roll, and catch, and play dead if he gets enough candy! Parenthood is incredible. I’m so glad our kids get along.” He doesn't entirely sound like he’s joking, and Amy can't help but laugh at his excitement. “So if it wasn't Oscar, why did you leave?”

“Were you listening to the conversation?”

“Eh, bits and pieces. How so?”

She sighs. “They - mom, and Isaac and Christian, mostly - interrogated me about whether we’re planning to have another baby anytime soon.”

“And you’re not?”

“We are! We’re actively trying for it.”

“Oh! Cool,” Julian nods, scratching the stubble on his chin. “I can get behind that. I wouldn't have anything against reproducing with those Peralta genes either if I could.” Amy elbows her brother in the side at that, probably way harder than necessary, and it makes him gasp in offense. “Hey! It’s just objective facts that he's attractive!”

“I’m telling Lucas you said that.”

“Lucas agrees. Either way - if you actually are trying, what's with the tears and the sudden storming out?”

“I didn't storm out,” she protests, and he gives her a meaning look of judgment as if to say yes, you did. “And it's nothing.”

Julian snorts. “Sure it is.”

“It's not a big deal.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“It's just making me a little stressed is all.”

“A little.”

“Okay, okay, fine.” Amy groans, placing her head in both hands and quickly running her fingers through her hair. There's a knot in the back of it, and she busies herself trying to pull it apart as she speaks. “We are trying. It's just not going very well yet, I guess. It’s making me nervous, and it's not something I want to tell everyone in our family about, because, well… we’re not exactly known for struggling with that.”

Julian is silent, and there’s a moment where Amy wonders if she’s managed the impossible. For all their countless petty fights and differences, Julian has always had a reply to offer her. Sometimes he’s supportive, sometimes questioning, and sometimes he’s all over judging her decisions, but he never ignores her worries when she chooses to confide in him. It throws her off to see him take so long to answer her now, and she watches him twist the white gold wedding ring on his finger absentmindedly while he grimaces.

“No,” he says right as she starts to consider tapping him on the shoulder to make sure he’s conscious. “I guess we’re not known for struggling with anything. Has this… been a problem for a long time?”

“A couple of months.”

“...Is that a long time? I’m not great with this heterosexual business. I’m much better with waiting times for adopting a dog.”

The corner of her mouth twitches. “It’s not that long. But it’s longer when you don’t have a lot of time to begin with.” Julian looks about as perplexed as if she’d been trying to explain the intricate details of quantum physics to him, and she clarifies. “Fertility decreases as you age.”

“Right. Yeah.”

“I’m thirty-nine. Maybe I shouldn't panic yet, but in a year, or two…” Amy shakes her head. “It gets really low. Higher chances of miscarrying. Chromosome variations. Premature birth. You name it. Basically, the sooner I get pregnant now, the better and safer it is for everyone.”

“I see.”

“So there's some time pressure,” she explains further, connecting her hands inside the coat sleeves to eliminate the cold that's started to seep in. “And it’s making me terrified something's wrong with me already. That it's not going to work. That we’ll never be able to have a second kid. I know that's maybe not the end of the world, but… I really, really want it, and I’d be heartbroken if it didn’t happen.”

A pair of stubborn, humiliating teardrops make their way down her cheeks at the thought, and she untangles her hands to quickly wipe them away.

“I’m sure it'll work out, Ames.” Julian's smile is partly sympathetic and partly insecure when he speaks, like this subject is miles out of his comfort zone but he's trying his best anyway. “As you said, two months is nothing, right? Mom was like, 42 when she had Simon. Surely if anyone's got the genes for this, it’s our family.”

“Yeah. It's never a guarantee, though, and I can’t handle their questions. Two years is the best time between siblings,” she imitates in an exaggerated high-pitched tone, and Julian laughs heartily. “As if I wasn’t already pressuring myself about the same thing. But I can't tell them that, because then they’d start asking.”

“Mm, our family does lack all understanding of what privacy is sometimes.” Julian grins. “There are several options even for gay men! Surrogates! Adoption! I read this article in a magazine where a pair co-parented with lesbians!” His shrill imitation tone is awful and hilarious at the same time, making Amy snicker. “I think she was mad at me for weeks after I told her we were happy with a dog. She means well, but it just becomes a lot.”

“Doesn’t get easier when it’s something you already want, either.”

“You’ll be fine.”

“Maybe. I hope so.”

“If not, I’m pro-dogs. They’re pretty much like children, except you don’t have to create a college fund for them. A win-win situation if it weren’t for the fact that owning a dog could probably kill you. But other than that!” Julian stretches his arms over his head, looking mighty proud of himself. “Solid.”

“I’m already busy trying to talk Jake out of buying a cat,” says Amy, massaging her temples at the thought. “But he’s managed to get Leah obsessed with them, so I think I’m losing.”

“That’s why she’s calling Oscar a cat! Wow. Jake’s a genius.”

“Well, that and she’s two. And please don’t ever tell him that, because his ego would literally explode.”

Amy can feel her face going numb from the cold outside, a sudden gust of wind coming at them and making her eyes tear for a new reason. The fact that she’s lost track of time hits her, awakening an uneasiness and a sudden need to get inside and check up on how her daughter’s doing, so she gives Julian a quick, rare hug, and is surprised when he squeezes her back for a long time.

“Thanks for coming out,” she mumbles, and he nods.

“Of course. I just don’t like seeing you cry.”

“Aww, that’s kind of sweet.”

“You look so weird when you do,” he says with a smirk, and she rolls her eyes at the mock insult. “No one should have to see that.”

“Fuck off, Jules.”

“Yep. Now let’s go make sure our kids are still alive and haven’t eaten any couches. Is that a thing with human children too?”

january

It’s a good Christmas.

It’s a Christmas where Amy can allow herself some time to relax and unwind, put her worries aside and focus on her family during the ten days both her and Jake manage to garner off work. It’s a long-awaited and dearly welcomed break from early daycare drop-offs, ten-minute-dinners, and infinite planning to make sure nothing is forgotten.

Instead there is time for slow wakeups, snuggling with Leah when she crawls into their bed in the early hours of the morning and giving in to her request of watching iPad in their bed only so they can keep their eyes closed for a little while longer. There's time for late-night conversations over a glass of wine that don't feel rushed because at least they don't have somewhere to be tomorrow, and there's time to properly see friends outside of work for the first time in what feels like forever. They go to dinner at Terry’s house, watch Rosa enjoy the indoor trampoline park even more than Leah does, and they gratefully accept Charles’ offer to babysit their daughter for a night. Amy figures the man has a specific motive in mind, but then Jake suggests they spend the night at a hotel and Leah gets ecstatic at the mention of watching Disney movies with her uncle Charles and Nikolaj, so she ends up saying yes. She’s only human, after all, and she’s not going to neglect the rare and precious chance of a sleep-in.

(The date also times mysteriously well with when she should be ovulating.)

(She does not want to ask.)

Even the yearly Christmas dinner with the Santiagos ends up being survivable. Although there are kids crying, odd snarky comments between Tony and Simon, and Leah outright refuses to wear anything but her sequined dinosaur shirt and glittery tights to the event, things proceed smoothly and Amy’s stress levels remain on the healthier part of the scale. She watches Jake hold and make funny faces at Milo and can feel her mom giving them meaning looks from across the room, but she breathes through it and silently thanks the Universe when Leah chooses that exact moment to climb onto Amy’s lap and ask if they can read one of her new books. Sure, part of her wishes she could be gifting her husband a crafted announcement with a baby onesie and a positive pregnancy test much like the ones she’s pinned on Pinterest, but the tender way he hugs her thank you after he opens his gift and sees the photo book filled with pictures with him and Leah, is more than enough to ease her sorrow. He gifts her a gold necklace with the letters J and L in separate miniature hearts, and when he tells her it’s so she can always be keeping them next to her own heart, she tears up and kisses him so long and ardently that he looks a little dazed, blinking with surprise when they part.

It’s a good New Year’s Eve, too. They spend the first part of the evening at the Holt-Cozner New Year’s Party, listening to their daughter proudly tell every guest she’s going to stay up until midnight, and then they try not to laugh when she passes out the moment she’s in her car seat at half-past nine. Jake and Amy end their year in pajamas on the couch, toasting in champagne just for the sake of it and going right to bed afterward.

Next year we’ll have another baby, she thinks to herself before falling asleep about fifteen minutes into the new year, a new sense of shimmering optimism lingering with her. It has to have worked by then.

January is hell. Everyone knows it, specifically, everyone who’s had children at daycare, because January means no one is healthy and neither Jake nor Amy manage a full week at work without taking time off to care for a sick child or themselves. Amy prays they’ll make it through without any cases of stomach flu, but such seems to have been too much to ask, because she’s woken up by devastating crying from Leah’s room on the one night Jake’s doing a night shift and she knows before the two-year-old’s even started retching.

She doesn’t get any sleep that night.

She doesn’t get any sleep the next night either, because when Leah stops throwing up and Amy feels like she can breathe again when the child keeps some applesauce down and asks if she can watch Doc McStuffins, it only takes three hours before Jake starts complaining about feeling sick.

January must surely be some twisted sort of a joke, she thinks, and disinfects her hands an extra time before she goes to remind her very miserable husband that he’s not actually dying.

It’s only natural, amid the virus-filled havoc, that it takes her a few days to realize she hasn’t gotten her period.

Come to think of it, she is feeling a bit nauseous. The excessive fatigue and emotional imbalance she knows were early symptoms in her first pregnancy is harder to distinguish from the exhaustion after two intense days of caring for poorly family members, but she’s a mom and a Santiago and she categorically never gets sick.

She gives the nausea a day, waiting for it to break out into the same flu Jake and Leah are already victims of, but it doesn’t. It stays the same.

Amy’s never been so excited about nausea in her life.

She waits until Leah’s gone to bed, falling asleep in Amy’s arms on the couch. The two-year-old’s still not quite her energetic, bubbly self and has been stuck to her parents like a needy band-aid for most of the day, and it could have been tiring if it hadn’t also meant lots of cuddles. Right now, though, Amy's arms and back are happy to get a break from carrying the kid around while she lays down next to Jake instead, spooning him and receiving a grateful smile when she starts playing with his hair.

“How are you feeling, babe?”

“Dying. I think I might be dead already,” he groans before turning his head and looking her in the eyes with feigned seriousness. “Please say something nice at my funeral and promise me you'll take care of Charles when I'm gone.”

“You're not dying, Jake.”

“How d’you know?”

“Because you haven't thrown up since last night and you only have a slight fever,” she reminds him, feeling his lukewarm forehead. “You're fine.”

“I am definitely much better with a hot girl draped on top of me,” he says with a smug expression, his hand gently stroking under her old NYPD shirt up her back. She rolls her eyes, because looks haven't exactly been the top priority for the last three days and she's not sure when she last washed her hair, yet Jake never stops making an effort to charm her. “How are you feeling, Ames?”

“Actually, I've been kind of nauseous all day. But I'm not sure it's stomach flu.”

“Huh? What else would it be?”

“I'm thinking,” she presses her index finger to his chest, “maybe I should take a pregnancy test.”

“Oh.” He squints at her. “Why?”

Amy gives him an exasperated look.

“Okay, yeah. But you’ve also spent the last three days taking care of your sick family. Leah was throwing up on us. Are you sure you're not just ill?”

“I have a good feeling,” she insists, because she does - there's a renewed sense of hope and blind faith that perhaps this could be it, resting with her. “And I never get sick.”

“Once again, your daughter was vomiting on you and I'm still convinced I might be dying. This is a brutal virus, Ames.”

“Clearly.” She runs her fingers through his messier-than-usual curls again, and his mouth shapes into a content smile despite his still worried eyes. “I’m still going to take that test, though. In case.”

“In case,” he repeats slowly. “Well, it’s your body.”

“Exactly.” She kisses his forehead. “You get it. I’ll be right back.”

Amy takes these tests with ease now. She’s been doing them two, three times extra following every first negative in a desperate hope for the result to change. False negatives are common, test results are safer the longer after a missed period they’re taken, and there’s no reason not to test an extra time. Long story short, she's becoming a pro at taking pregnancy tests, but so far the single lines and minus signs are staying the same.

She says a silent prayer this one will be an exception.

Plastic cap off, pee for five seconds, plastic cap back on, lay the test flat and wait while trying not to freak out. She manages all steps but the final.

She carries the little plastic stick out to the living room coffee table gently as if it had been made of glass.

“Three minutes,” she informs Jake, and he nods while she sets a timer on her phone. In three minutes, they'll know whether her good feeling is right or dead wrong, and the nausea increases but this time Amy thinks it's nerves.

She doesn't want to stare, but she does anyway, waiting for a second line to appear no matter how faint. Jake sits up next to her, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb over her knuckles, and she manages a weak smile without lifting her eyes from the test.

The timer goes off without a second line appearing.

Amy lifts the test to inspect it closer, but there's not even a hint of anything. She gives it to Jake for a second opinion, and he inspects it just as closely before shaking his head and mumbling a quiet sorry, babe.

She's not pregnant this month either.

“It’s okay, Ames. Three months is nothing.”

She doesn’t realize there are tears in her eyes until they’re trailing down her cheeks and Jake’s hand is there, wiping them away. She presses on his wrist to move it, make him stop because she’s not okay and she doesn’t want him pressuring her to feel anything but the searing disappointment coursing through her veins.

“It’s not,” she says, shaking her head. “I just feel so stupid. I thought I was feeling something.”

“You’re not stupid,” he tells her, and the tenderness in his voice erases her annoyance. “You want this really bad. I do, too, but… well, it’s not my body.”

“Not your body being a massive failure.”

“Hey!” Jake holds up one hand like he’s making a stop motion. “No one talks that way about my wife!”

“Ha-ha.”

“I’m serious! You don’t get to say those things, okay? You know it’s not true.” She hums a doubting sound, and he sighs, placing his arm around her shoulders. “Ames, we’ll just try again. We already did a great job once, and there are moments I wish we hadn’t, because if we didn’t have a toddler in daycare I would be so much healthier… okay, I still don’t regret it,” he adds. “Except maybe the daycare part, because I swear I’m sick all the time.”

“You love our daycare! Without it, you’d never get to eat that Scientology-guy’s chocolate chip cookies at every parent meeting.”

“Fair point. Craig, right? Weirdly good baker. Fine - I guess I don’t regret the daycare either. But you’re about to.”

This time, she’s the one squinting at him in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Still feeling nauseous?”

“Kind of, why are you… oh, no.”

“Oh, yes. Your immune system isn’t undefeatable!”

“It’s still better than yours,” she counters, and Jake just grins.

“But not undefeatable.”

She gives him a slow nod, trying to hide the despondency on her face as she takes the negative test from his hands.

“I’m just going to throw this away.”

Amy is certain of it when she wakes up three hours later, almost throwing herself out of bed to make it to the bathroom in time - January is officially and unquestionably hell.

#my writing #b99 #brooklyn 99 #brooklyn nine-nine #peraltiago #jake x amy #b99 fic #brooklyn 99 fic #brooklyn nine-nine fic #b99 fanfiction #brooklyn nine-nine fanfiction #jake x amy fic #jake x amy fanfiction #peraltiago fic #peraltiago fanfiction #sorry for being so rude about january don't take it personally if you love january #it's just.. everyone's sick

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bartp18254990-blog · 4 years ago

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onthevirgeofdestruction · 4 years ago

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Storytime!

Sanders Sides Canon Divergence AU - fluff/angst - hurt/comfort - some intrigue - actually has a plot (side eyes my other fics) - largely Virgil centric - it’s about growth i guess idk

Words: 4,035 Warnings: Big-ass spiders, zombie mentions, death mentions, gore mentions. Characters: Virgil, Patton, Roman, Logan, Remus, Janus Universe: Storytime! Genre: Half-Fluff, Half-Idoicy

Chapter 27: In Which There are Even Bigger Spiders Than Beeps

Virgil is doing good but everyone else has some questions and nobody has answers

chapter 1 for new readers - ffn mirror

Virgil didn’t realize the meeting was today, so he was thankful for Roman’s note. Time must have gotten away from him. He was so focused on Thomas's schedule he had kind of forgotten his own. It was one thing to skip breakfast and another thing entirely to skip a meeting he agreed to. The last few times he skipped were kind of eventful for him so the other sides would freak out for sure. Luckily, Virgil had already started his ‘Patton’ story the other day, and while he was still delirious from Deceit’s room, he could conceivably pull off not killing or maiming anyone by the end. It was much easier to convince himself it would all be okay right now, and he knew that feeling would fade the longer he sat in his room.

Pat liked stories that were sentimental or sweet, which Virgil probably couldn’t come up with no matter how much of Deceit’s influence helped him. But he also likes animal stories, especially talking animals. Finding inspiration in his lack of ability had worked out before, so the story was about a little boy who couldn’t stop having nightmares. It was all he could think about in the day and he couldn’t sleep at night. The little boy tossed a coin in a fountain and wished for good sleep. So a magic psychic bat came that night and granted his wish for just one night of pleasant dreams so he could be upbeat for his little sister’s birthday party.

That was another thing he could relate to, but he really doubted Pat could figure out this one. Virgil’s magic bat was a golden snake with venom that hid his fears from himself so his friends could like him more. That was a stretch unless Logan had somehow figured out what was going on and told Pat. But Deceit would have told him if that had happened, so there was no point in worrying about that. Realizing he didn’t have to worry was a bizarre sensation for Virgil. He was so damn grateful for his magic psychic bat.

Virgil finished up the story with a little time to spare. He’d love to go waste time with one of the sides, but it still seemed like a bad idea. He could maybe make a new friend, though. He could feel the overcharged feeling in his veins that let him know he had enough anxious energy to burn. One who could protect his room and alert him when someone entered since Virgil was out so often. Something bigger that could defend his room and the other spiders. Virgil got up from the couch and stretched out. He reached up and stroked Beatrice, who was still sitting in his hair.

“How about a little brother, Beatrice? A really big little brother?” Virgil asked affectionately. She stomped angrily on his head and said something unsavory. “Beeps, I’m not replacing you,” Virgil rolled his eyes. He reached up and gently stroked her again. “I’d be more willing to take you out of the room more if there was someone else here helping you and to protect you. Your smaller siblings can’t help like that,” Virgil offered. Beatrice conceded grumpily.

Virgil cracked his knuckles and stepped into the middle of his room. A giant huntsman spider seemed appropriate. Nearly a foot of very leggy spider should keep anybody back, and the legs would be easier on Virgil to make than the big body of a goliath birdeater. Virgil focused as hard as he could and held his hand out, palm down. One this big might hurt, so he braced himself. There was a sharp pain in his palm as he focused on creating one. Virgil squeezed his eyes shut and just tried to focus on not messing up. When the sharp feeling finally subsided, Virgil peeked slightly at his hand. A big boy with much larger fangs than he intended was crawling from his palm to the top of his fingertips. He was roughly double the size of Beatrice and mostly black instead of mostly purple like her.

“What would you like to be called?” He asked gently and reached his other hand over to feel its long delicate legs. “Voltaire? I love it. Voltaire, you’re the new room guard. You need to keep all your siblings safe while I’m out,” He said gently. Voltaire rubbed its forelegs together in acceptance and climbed up onto his shoulder. Virgil walked over to the staircase and laid down upside down, holding himself up with webbing. “So tell me what fears you’ve got,” He asked the new spider as it crawled down his arm.

Chatting with Voltaire was nice. His fears were pretty weak, but he was big and scary, so he was perfect to deter other sides without actually hurting them. Much. Plus, he was very gallant, determined which made fun to talk to. Virgil has successfully passed the last of the time without feeling too lonely while chatting with Volt and Beeps on the stairs. Other than being pretty low on energy from making Voltaire and D’s room, he felt good about going to storytime tonight. He was looking forward to laying back and reading some stories that felt wrong. It was going to be unnerving in a fun way, which should be enjoyable instead of horrible. And that sounded nice.

—

Virgil’s legs were over Patton’s lap and he was propped up on the couch arm reading the stories lazily. It had been pretty non-eventful when it was just Virgil and Logan in the living room, even though they were alone for a couple of minutes before Pat and Ro showed up just barely on time again. Logan seemed too distracted to talk, which he was thankful for. Remus’s story yelled at you if you didn’t read it first, so he had started with that one today, just like everyone else had given in to do.

Remus’s story felt profoundly wrong for him, so he must have been listening in after he left last time. His protagonist didn’t die or kill anyone directly. In fact, the entire story was about avoiding action by doing other things. A funny side to pick. The protagonist partied all night and cleaned his bathroom during the peak of the zombie apocalypse. There was a literal zombie apocalypse, but he wanted cookies, so he went to the store and dodged everything. He worked at the lab making the cure and couldn’t be bothered to get up when the zombies raided it and just read comics in the security office. What an icon.

Virgil laughed so hard he choked at the end. Patton reached out to make sure he was okay, but Virgil just chuckled and nodded while he caught his breath. Patton gave him a breezy smile and went back to reading himself, his arms holding the papers resting on his legs. Virgil dropped his hand to the floor out of Pat’s view and flipped Remus off affectionately. Remus smiled a big toothy smile of what seemed to be vindication and also gave Virgil the bird. It tweeted, which got confused looks from Roman, who checked around for a source. Remus and Virgil quickly went back to ‘innocently’ reading and Roman gave up and went back to reading when he saw nothing unusual.

Pat’s was next, which was the ‘Virgil’ story. Patton didn’t have much dramatic irony Virgil usually had, but it was still a negative story with a bleak-ish ending. A group of teens who were camping got lost in the woods while partying. A ‘being punished for breaking the rules’ kind of theme. It would have been a great set-up for a slasher. Maybe Remus could add on to the end for Virgil and they could have a laugh about that later with Deceit. Those kinds of movies were Deceit’s guilty pleasure to watch. Patton unknowingly writing half of one might make his day.

Roman’s ‘Logan’ story was amazing. It was fantastically gay and dry as heck. It was the most scathing thing he could have done without directly insulting Logan. College professors grading things in the coffee shop go out, but they’re both teaching med students so they didn’t ‘hold hands’, they ‘interlocked digits’. Roman must have abused a thesaurus and fell down a biology Wikipedia hole to write this. Nothing big even happened in the story other than the original gay confusion. Roman’s intent was clearly to blast Logan instead of producing an amazing story for the ages, and he mcfreakin’ succeeded.

Logan’s ‘Roman’-style was funny for all the wrong reasons. It followed a dragon, but the dragon’s hoard was books instead of gold. The Dragon liked to make puzzles for adventurers to get lost in when trying to come to defeat him. The story was just the Dragon reading books and frying adventurer’s brains until the one who finally makes it through changes his mind because of the Dragon’s sound logic. Virgil choked on a laugh again when the adventurer conceded to the Dragon’s superior stance. Logan took that wish-fulfillment part of fantasy themes and ran with it.

Remus had looked at him quizzically while he caught his breath again. Virgil figured he wanted to know why he laughed and showed him the navy blue font and pointed to the last paragraph. Remus switched packets and flipped pages to the last paragraph to see for himself. He broke out in a mad giggle fit, which earned some serious glares and shushing from Roman. Logan looked incredibly confused, but wouldn’t dare talk during his own rules about quiet reading time. Which was also amusing in a strange way.

Virgil was in a great mood after laughing at the ridiculousness of these stories and placed his packets on the floor, sitting up to cuddle against the extra-warm Patton while he waited out the reading time for everyone else. Patton was surprised when Virgil wrapped his arm around him but sighed contentedly as Virgil dropped his head on Patton’s shoulder. Remus grunted at Virgil, but Virgil just rolled his eyes and mouthed ‘later’ at him. He wasn’t entirely sure what the duke wanted, but it wasn’t the time. Virgil closed his eyes and appreciated the warm heart, letting himself drift a little while he waited out the rest of the reading time.

—

Virgil woke up sometime later to the TV playing The Office quietly, still entangled around Patton. Patton smiled and reached up to stroke his hair when he shifted. He looked around and saw all the other sides had left. He blinked the rest of the sleep from his eyes and yawned, stretching out his arms.

“Hey, sleepyhead! You fell asleep while waiting for us to finish,” Patton said gently.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Pat. Did I miss the discussion?” Virgil asked sleepily and rubbed his eyes.

“Remus was pretty freaked out about the idea of waking you up, and that spooked Ro, so we decided to postpone it,” Patton responded lightly, clearly trying to sound soothing. Virgil appreciated it, honestly. It was much easier not to freak out over delaying them while everybody was so busy. Virgil released Patton and stood up to stretch his legs, followed by Patton who must have been stuck under him for a while based on the time.

“I’m sorry I had you pinned for that long, pop,” Virgil said and rubbed the back of his head with embarrassment.

“It was a nice cuddle, bud, don’t worry!” Patton said cheerily as he stretched out his arms. “I’ll text the others and see if they still want to do discussion today,” Virgil nodded and yawned, wrapping his arms back around Patton as Pat pulled out his phone. Patton shifted to let Virgil hug him from behind while he texted.

“Ah, the cuddle monster has returned to the living!” Roman declared as he rose up a few moments later.

“You guys didn’t have to reschedule for me,” Virgil mumbled quietly into Patton’s back.

“Well, it’s not much of a discussion without you kiddo,” Patton said softly and held Virgil’s arms wrapped around his waist.

“I’ve never seen Remus act like that in my life, I wasn’t taking the chance. It may be the only thing in the Thomas-sphere he takes seriously. He kept hissing at us to shut up and then left,” Roman explained. Virgil chuckled into Patton’s back. It was nice to have the tables turned for once. Virgil was the one scared of Remus most of the time. Logan rose as well.

“It’s nice to hear you laugh so much these days, kiddo,” Patton commented as Virgil settled down and twisted around to give Virgil a hug.

“Yes, what elements did you find amusing this evening, Virgil? I was curious about what diverted you and Remus. The stories didn’t include your shared sense of dark humor,” Logan asked as he sat back down on the couch.

“Oh, man, if I knew I was going to get grilled I would have basted myself first,” Virgil rolled his eyes backed up into the couch, taking Patton down with him. Patton giggled as he stumbled down on top of Virgil.

“That’s some… vivid imagery, Virgil,” Roman said, sounding a little confused. Patton laid on Virgil this time, seeing as Virgil wouldn’t let him go, though Virgil let him sit up on the couch. Roman and Logan sat in their regular spots.

“Remus’s story was full of cynical humor, Lo. It was completely defeatist and relatable. I mean the world is ending, but where can I get some iced coffee? Peak mood,” Virgil supplied finally. Logan looked extremely confused for a moment. Maybe the slang did it? Logan shook it off quickly.

“I was not aware that being a defeatist could be humorous. I will take note. Remus also chose to write differently from his regular ramblings this week. He left before we had planned to try each other’s reoccurring themes last week. It was an oddly coincidental timing on his part,” Logan said. Virgil was pretty certain Remus was listening in through Roman, but he wasn’t sure if the others knew the creativity twins were linked to each other, so changing the subject seemed safer than possibly dropping a bomb that Roman possibly didn’t want to share. Remus ‘over-share’ Sanders wasn’t here to drop it for him, anyway.

“Ro’s story was hilarious, too,” Virgil said with a grin and a quick thumbs-up of appreciation, which he dropped lazily back around Patton after a moment and pulled himself a little closer to Patton’s warmth.

“Thank you, Virgil, I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Roman replied with a flourish and smiled back.

“What was funny about it? It was a cute romance with lots of big words,” Patton asked. Virgil ruffled Patton’s hair.

“It wasn’t about the contents of the story, Pat, it was about what the writing said,” Virgil said lazily. Logan bristled.

“Was there a theme that I potentially missed?” Logan asked and picked up his notes, scanning them quickly.

“Perhaps this is one of those rare things that is over your head,” Roman said sarcastically with a chuckle and waved Logan off.

“I refuse to believe that. Please explain to me what I’m missing,” Logan insisted, still scanning his notes,

“Roman was roasting you without roasting you,” Virgil supplied flippantly.

“Virgil, please do not include me in your strange grilling metaphor, it does not help elucidate me in the slightest,” Logan said shortly and put his notes down to glare at them.

“Over his head,” Roman said with a bemused laugh, and Virgil joined him. Logan groaned in frustration.

“It would not be if you simply explained it to me,” Logan grunted and crossed his arms. Roman just laughed again, which caused Logan to huff. Virgil shifted closer to Patton. He couldn’t get much closer at this angle, so just slid down behind Patton before he became a human feather boa. Patton yelped as Virgil slipped down, but he scooted forward to make space for Virgil who was now wrapped around his back. He was so warm. Virgil’s eyes fluttered for a moment.

“Are you tired again, kiddo?” Patton asked and ruffled Virgil’s hair. Virgil grumbled slightly and lazily fixed his bangs.

“You’re just so toasty,” Virgil mumbled into Patton’s side.

“Sorry, it always slips out at least a little,” Patton apologized meekly.

“No, it’s the best, never turn it off,” Virgil whined and squeezed Patton as close as he could.

“Patton, trade with me before Virgil falls asleep again,” Roman requested, getting up and rolling his eyes in exasperation.

“No, don’t take my space heater!” Virgil whined and grasped onto Patton, refusing to let go.

“We’re not done talking, yet, bud, we haven’t even gotten to your story yet!” Patton said as he got up, trying to pry himself from Virgil. Virgil groaned and released him, seizing Roman as he sat down where Patton was. Roman chuckled as Virgil gripped on. Roman wasn’t warming like Pat, but Ro gave off a light charged feeling which woke him up. Pretty sneaky, sis.

“What’s there to talk about? Mine wasn’t funny like you guys’,” Virgil groaned and nestled into Roman’s side. Even if there was a nap conspiracy, at least Virgil got nice contact. Roman giggled a little when Virgil accidentally tickled him. Then Virgil tickled him on purpose and Roman smacked him upside the head.

“Roman, don’t hit Virgil,” Patton chided him.

“He tickled me!” Roman objected.

“We are extremely off subject,” Logan groaned.

“I didn’t get the funny memo, I was just trying to figure out what I could do that Patton would like,” Virgil grumbled, rubbing his head, eying Roman suspiciously for another attack.

“I did like it, kiddo! It was so sweet that he just wanted to make his sister happy,” Patton said with a shimmering look in his eye.

“Oh, I didn’t think I could do sweet. Neat,” Virgil commented blithely and settled back down. “I think Pat did a ‘me’ story pretty well, though maybe more toned down,” Virgil added. Sort of like he wished he could be. Virgil hid his face in Roman’s side and frowned. Roman ruffled his hair lightly and Virgil grumbled.

“I think it missed that fatal element, though. Pat implied the ranger would find those kids even though they wandered into the woods drunk in the daytime,” Roman supplied. “After most of Virgil’s stories, it was pretty heavily implied they didn’t make it,”

“I tried to leave it a little vague,” Patton muttered.

“You did, Patton. Just because one character mentioned it doesn’t mean we can assume it was to happen,” Logan reassured him and held out his hand, motioning to calm down. “Virgil, was there a reason you pointed out the final paragraph of my story to the duke?” Logan asked shortly and looked pointedly at Virgil.

“Yes. And I’m afraid it’s also over your head, Logan,” Virgil supplied a little bitterly.

“That’s what you guys were laughing at? Logan’s little fantasy projecting? I thought it was some dark joke I didn’t get,” Roman said, sounding disbelieving.

“I would like to be included on this ‘great in-joke’ you two seem to have,” Logan said sourly.

“Lo, buddy, you wouldn’t believe us if we told you,” Virgil groaned.

“I would like you to try regardless of your assumptions,” Logan stated plainly, tapping his foot.

“It’s your praise kink!” Remus popped up, laughing wildly. Logan jumped up in surprise and stumbled back into the couch. Patton squeaked and Roman stiffened. “It’s been later, Vi-vi, come on!” Remus whined. Virgil groaned in exasperation.

“We’re in the middle of the discussion! You know, the ones you usually skip while you’re off gallivanting in the mind palace stabbing stuff?” Virgil said slackened from behind Roman.

“And it’s boring!” Remus groaned.

“Fine. I know we didn’t get to everything, but I’m going to go deal with this giant brat if we’re good here? He might blow us up or something if I don’t,” Virgil stated with a little grumble. He was having an agreeable time making fun of Logan with Roman and wasn’t ready to stop yet, but he was going to see Remus, anyway. “Does anybody object to that?”

“Blow you up? Virgey, I would never,” Remus said, sounding fake aghast, holding his hand to his chest and fanning himself with the other. “Teeny-Tiny exploding unicorns all over the room, maybe,” He added with a sinister smirk and showed how small with his fingers, followed by spirit finger mock-explosions. Virgil grunted and pulled himself out from behind Roman.

“Anybody? Bueller?” Virgil asked again. They all looked kind of shocked, but there was no response. The duke did have that effect on them, sometimes. “Cool, I guess,” Virgil shrugged and pushed himself off the couch, reaching on the floor for his copies of his stories. “Hey, remember Pat’s story?” Virgil asked.

“Nobody died! Who cares!” Remus groaned, flailing his arms like limp noodles.

“Exactly,” Virgil nodded at him and grabbed his arm. Remus’s eyes widened and a manic grin split out as they sank to the edge of the mind palace. Virgil created a simple room for them to work in with a big soft rug and a couch. “Okay, we’ve got less than two hours and maybe 30 minutes in one of our rooms, so we got to make it count. It’s the perfect setup for a slasher, right?”

“It is!” Remus cackled. “From grandpa? Who knew!” Remus wiggled his eyebrows and grinned in delight.

“Let’s upgrade it, then,” Virgil said, sitting down on the couch and summoning a laptop. He pressed Patton’s story on to the laptop screen and it loaded into the computer and Virgil passed it over to Remus who plopped on the couch next to him.

“I will do nothing without at least as much contact as you gave my brother,” Remus said firmly, taking the laptop but holding it off from his lap.

“You fucking dork,” Virgil rolled his eyes and leaned against Remus, wrapping an arm around his shoulder. “Thanks for smelling only mildly terrible,” Virgil added after a quick whiff of the air. It was vinegary and sharp, but less poop or puke smell. Not as great as strawberries but, good smells were probably a rare choice for him.

“It’s only fun if you need a shower afterword!” Remus sang and placed the laptop in his lap and started writing.

“The redhead chick has to die first, she kissed that dude remember? Slasher rule,” Virgil said while Remus began writing.

“That fuckhole who bought the wine coolers is next,” Remus said. “I’m gonna shove the empties into his intestines!” He cackled.

“God, sick,” Virgil wrinkled his nose in distaste but chuckled, anyway.

—

“D!” Virgil called out as he rose into Deceit’s room later that night. “I’ve got the coolest thing for you,” Virgil said excitedly.

“Virgil, what in the world were you thinking?” Deceit demanded, sounding annoyed.

“That you’d like it, come on, read it!” Virgil said, shoving the final story that Virgil and Remus managed to type out before the voices in the mind palace started up again or they started trying to kill each other in one of their rooms. It was quick and slapshot, but it would be funny and gruesome, nonetheless.

“Virgil, that’s not what I’m talking about,” Deceit groaned.

“And I’m talking about this slasher that Patton wrote half of,” Virgil said, tapping the paper and twisting around the back of Deceit and giving him a hug, nuzzling his neck.

“You can’t be serious,” Deceit said, looking down at the paper.

“Dead serious. Like the teens in the woods,” Virgil chuckled. That definitely got Deceit’s attention. Virgil pulled Deceit to the bed. He had already started reading as he sat down. Virgil wrapped his arms around Deceit’s waist again and nestled his face in the crook of Deceit’s neck from behind, watching him read. Deceit absentmindedly ran a hand through Virgil’s hair while he read. Virgil sighed in with contentment and closed his eyes. He hoped D would like it. He had fun writing it with Remus, at least.

personal taglist: @gdaygdaymatey @elizabutgayer

taglist repository tags:

canon divergence au: @legendsgates @rainbowbowtie @10moonymhrivertam

virgil-centric: @demoniccheese83 @thatgaydemigodnerd @arya-skywalker

hurt/comfort: @callboxkat @nonasficcollection @supernovainthenightsky

everything sanders sides: @grouptalekindnesssoul @the-hoely-bleach @anvil527up @fanficloverinthesun @katelynn-a-fan @dwbh888

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pupa-cinema · 4 years ago

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Happy Go Lucky Heads - えんがちょ(Engacho) - English Translation

Lyrics：Sekihan and Ponikingdom Music：324

えんがちょ　犬のクソ踏んだ Engacho, I stepped in dog shit こりゃ　いじりの的だ　青天の霹靂 Easy now tiger, I’m the target of sleights of hands, it’s a bolt from the blue えんがちょ　とんだ災難だ Engacho, what a a major fiasco この　穢れを誰に　なすりつけてやろうか How about I just foist all this evil energy unto somebody else

何でいつも俺ばかりこんな目に遭う Why am I the only one who can never catch a break 実は'身から出た錆’ Actually, ‘You're the one who shoots your own foot' ここで気付かなければ If I don’t acknowledge this soon, then everything will- スパイラル Spiral

悪い縁を断てえんがちょ(往々) Cut ties with bad vibes, with engacho (again and again) 開運の鍵だ　起死回生 It’s the key to success and good fortune, to be reborn anew 悪い縁を断てえんがちょ(往々) Cut ties with bad vibes, with engacho (again and again) 断捨離のススメ　執着心 I recommend to let go with alobha, then cling to that! 己の人生(ライフ)加速させていく(往々々) Up the tempo of our lives (again and again and again) '無駄な過去は1つもない’ ‘I have not 1 useless past experience on my belt'

えんがちょ　鳩のフン落ちた Engacho, pigeon poop landed on me こりゃ執念深い　青天の霹靂 Now this is some real conviction, a bolt from the blue えんがちょとんだ災難だ Encgacho, what a a major fiasco この　穢れどこから　降り注いでるのか Where on earth is all this evil energy pouring down from

何回やったって　遠回りだったって I’ve done things a bajillion times, I’ve taken the high road, 勘違いされたって　諦めたくないから I’ve been misunderstood, but I still don’t want to give up so ぐちゃぐちゃにされて　へし折られた牙 My fangs have been twisted and torn apart, but nevertheless 取り戻してやる　覚悟決めたのさ I’ll take back what’s mine, I’ve steeled my resolve

エンピ・ミッキ・ブッチ・バリヤ Enpi, Mikki, Bucchi, Bariya がっぴ・めんち・ぎっちょ・バーリア Gappi, Mechi, giccho, baarrier やめち・めんき・ガッキンバリア Yamechi, menki, gakkin barrier えった・ビッキ・グッピバリア Etta, bikki, guppi barrier

縁を知れ因果性(往々) Now this what ‘en' ties are, this is causality 大抵は他者の相対性 A big chunk of it has to do with natural human relativity

悪い縁を断てえんがちょ(往々) Cut ties with bad vibes, with engacho (again and again) 断捨離のススメ　執着心 I recommend to let go with alobha, then cling to that! 残りの人生(ライフ)掛けて叫びだす(往々々) Scream like the rest of our lives are on the line (again and again and again) '無駄な過去は1つもない’ ‘I have not 1 useless past experience on my belt' '過去がなけりゃ今はない' ‘Without a past, there would be no today I say'

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Footnotes:

● Engacho is an apotropaic crossed finger hand sign. “縁En" meaning “ties/destiny” while “cho” is short for “chon-kireru [to snip]”. It's used to dispel any dirty things or impurities found. Though it was originally religious, it was modernized instead to be used among children as a fun and easy way to promote cleanliness.

Similar to the ‘Father son and the holy spirit’, or ‘Knock on wood’ hand gestures.

If someone steps in dog shit, is the target of pigeon poop, or any such minor but ill omens… Engacho will detach you from that bad luck!

● Enpi, Mikki, Bucchi, Bariya~~~. The name for the engacho hand gesture differs by region in Japan. Most ring similar to ‘chop’, ‘cut’, ’stop’ sounds, or even just the English word ‘Barrier’. The difference is due to regions in Japan each bearing their own unique cultures and accent, or… Just 'Barrier' being influenced from action shows like Anpanman on TV.

● Appearing in the MV are toys commonly used by children, all which are long and attached: a kendama, a hula-hoop (looks like a ◯ (album name) / rising sun at the end) and then bandages.

● 縁・起死回生・断捨離・因果 All inherently buddhist concepts. 縁: destiny. 起死回生: rebirth. 断捨離: minimalism 因果: karma.

断捨離 I translated to alobha because I felt the ‘detachment from possessions’ part of buddhist minimalism was the main focus here. However, to give it the recognition it deserves, 断 indicates the rejection of nonessentials 捨 indicates the disposal of nonessentials 離 indicates the detachment from possessions.

As a whole they create an ideal.

● Quick digest from Poniki:

Completely stripped of tomfoolery, it’s an Omedeta style “Minimalism song”! True to the word “Engacho, meaning ‘cut ties’”, a word I’m sure everyone heard at least once in their childhood, I sing about my desires to cut bad ties and move forward. Our seemingly shameful past are the exact reason we’re all where we are now. There’s not one wasteful moment in life! That’s the message!

● Blog post from Poniki

It’s a story about a boy unable to find motivation or purpose. Screaming feverishly just trying to become somebody.. Only to get ensnared by corrupt adults who devise to manipulate him. He’s conflicted by “the misfortune which befalls him” and “baseless words”, but nevertheless he’s meeting allies, finding his way through life, and through self-actualized change is he able to move forward.

That’s the deal.

Sekihan was the one who initially brought the base concept to the table. “That ol’ custom of the past generation to dispel bad luck, Engacho”, he had said.

So I said “What if we didn’t only work to dispel bad luck but, we linked that icky past to the present and the future!"

Then took it and made it into a story. As such, it’s even stated in the lyrics as follows! ⇩

"I’ve done things a bajillion times, I’ve taken the high road, I’ve been misunderstood, but I still don’t want to give up so My fangs have been twisted and torn apart, but nevertheless I’ll take back what’s mine, I’ve steeled my resolve." Stigma and misinterpretations pressure him into taking the high road, where he ends up manipulated, broken, and marred. But even if the fangs he once boasted end up twisted and torn apart, you gotta believe that one day other people will come to understand you, and that’s when you’ll take back your fangs. My such passion is tucked into this song. With that said and all things considered, The final words of the last chorus are the key piece to this puzzle. It’s easy to just sing of hate and cynicalness. Omedetai Atama de Nani Yori are “A band who turn negative energy into positive energy." After all.

At the studio, we even could not settle on a direction for his song until halfway through recording.

Back then Sekihan was even reconsidering the song all by himself in the concert hall next to us. One day I realized that my current state was being projected into these lyrics. Moving up the big city of Tokyo, sticking in an band making no sales, Desperately chasing dreams despite being a starving artist with no time on his hands Ultimately splitting up the band after yielding zero, he stepped away from music for a while. Until this new band came along, Ever since we formed Omedetai Atama de Nani Yori, I’ve been helped by a surprising amount of my past acquaintances, boosted and supported.

Before we formed Omedeta I wanted to clean my slate, I deemed my past useless and fruitless, but that past is exactly what lead me to where I’m standing here today. This point right here was it! This is what got the last puzzle piece to fall into place. “‘I have not 1 useless past experience on my belt’ ‘Without a past, there would be no today’" This song is the story of some nobody protagonist At the same time as being like a biography to me It’s a ‘fight song’, designed to help somebody, anybody, to move forward It’s ‘Engacho'. The song.

#omedetai #オメでたい頭でなにより #Youtube

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mittensmorgul · 6 years ago

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I wrote a post last night about the Monster of the Week in 14.15, Chip Harrington, and what made him monstrous:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/183465650390/so-can-we-talk-about-this-monster-of-the-week-for

But I want to look at this from another direction, because Chip’s self-described origin story-- what drove him to monstrosity-- is fascinating and relevant to the larger narrative (and especially to those of Cas, and Jack).

I’d been considering waiting until the transcript posted, but I’m not that patient, so I transcribed it myself. I know this is a long scene, but there’s a lot of important details in here. Rather than transcribe it and then quote blocks of it again with my comments, I’m gonna put my comments in brackets between sections of dialogue here, but the actual quoted dialogue here is one continuous conversation, just for the record:

Cas: So you did this. Chip: What, did you think it was the milkshakes? [laughs]

(well, yeah, we did think it was the milkshakes, or the water, or the food in general, because Faerie Rules, and Sam ate and drank while Cas didn’t)

Cas: What are you?

(And isn’t that just the question of the season? What is your identity, who are you, please explain yourself...)

Chip: Well, I kinda like to think of myself as a Good Samaritan. You know, I’ve always been lucky. I’ve always had an intuition about what people were gonna do, or say. It made me the king of poker night. But then, the mill shut down. And this town, the town I love, it started to die. Then my sweet wife, she passed away. And the world kept getting worse, and they called it “modernization.” And no matter what I did, people would turn to drink or drugs, and move away. They just weren’t happy. Things kept getting worse, and I started to hear noises-- voices. And I screamed at these voices! I said, “Just make things better!” And you know what happened next?

(he began to hear VOICES. Like, his life-long sense of “intuition” was magnified after the loss of his wife and his growing dissatisfaction with the state of the world. This sounds very much like a spiral into bitterness and depression, probably magnified by the intuitive stuff he picked up from everyone around him. The thoughts he’d pick up from a thriving town full of happy people, and from his wife who loved him and was happy with him, and from happy customers at his soda shop, would’ve probably given him a lowkey life-long “high,” you know? And then when the town around him began to change after people lost their jobs, the entire energy of the town would shift, and his source of “secondhand happiness” that he’d come to think of as his OWN would’ve not only dried up, but would’ve been replaced by a constant stream of negative feelings and thoughts that he picked up just as subtly, not even realizing it was affecting his own mental state)

Cas: No, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me. Chip: The very next day, I thought-- just thought-- “I wish there was more people in the soda shop.” And I came in here that day, and it was packed. And that’s when I figured it out. I can make people do whatever I want.

(it took him this long to realize that the “voices” went both ways, and that instead of the woes of everyone in town being inflicted on HIM through his psychic ability, he could turn it around and inflict HIS thoughts on THEM. Suddenly could force everyone else to be happy to feed his own subconscious addiction to that vast pool of human energy, so he crafted it to fit HIS needs instead.)

Cas: So you’re some kind of mind-control psychic? Chip: I re-made this town. I gave everybody new names, new lives. I made everybody happy. Well, most everybody. And the ones that fought it, well... Cas: You murdered them. Chip: I was just protecting my home!

(Protecting his home, i.e. protecting his own mental state, which was entirely dependent on his environs because of his psychic abilities that he just couldn’t turn off, because of what he is.)

Cas: [to Sunny]: And you-- you knew all about this. Chip: Well, she knew enough to play along, but uh... my tricks never worked on Sunny. She’s too much like me. Sunny: I am nothing like you.

(she might have his psychic abilities, but she is clearly miserable in her father’s idea of a psychic utopia. His idea of happiness is nothing like hers)

Chip: [to Cas] But you, why can’t I change you? Cas: Because I’m not human. Chip: Oh. [chuckles]

Is it all really that simple? I think there’s a lot more complexity going on here. After all, the way Chip describes the “voices” he heard growing more clear sounds an awful lot like Angel Radio in some respects. We know how that can sometimes affect Cas. I’ve always been under the impression that Angel Radio has always been like... background noise most of the time to angels. There’s always a low-level awareness of everything from angels deliberately communicating with one another to human prayers and, um... longing. But it’s always also seemed that Cas (and other angels) didn’t always focus on it. They could disregard it, or at least not devote their full attention to it all the time. There’s even the time during 8.08 where Cas said that he’d “turned it off” entirely.

But there’ve also been times when something came across the frequency so strongly that angels have been all but incapacitated by it:

in 12.08 when the news of Jack’s conception came across to him and he dropped the coffee cups

in 4.09 when Cas’s cry of DEAN WINCHESTER IS SAVED came through loud enough to switch on her dormant Angel Radio antenna

12.10 when Benjamin prayed to the rest of his flight and Ishim, Mirabel, and Cas all froze in place to listen

13.01 when Jack overheard angel radio for the first time and was all but paralyzed by it, driven to violence because of it

And that’s just off the top of my head. I included the one about Jack deliberately here... but more on that in a moment.

Of course Chip doesn’t know how to deal with this sort of psychic reception from all around him. He’d never given it much thought before it began to hurt him rather than help him. And the fact that he can turn around and inflict it onto others for his own comfort, and that he would inflict it on others and assume THEY were happy just because HE was happy, because that’s always how it worked before... is just horrifying.

I’d also like to throw in the reminder of Cas’s last meeting with a psychic who was unable to “read” him. In 10.17, after Oliver told Cas he couldn’t be an angel because he was an atheist, he shared this:

PRYCE: Was me. I don't do the psychic stuff no more. Being around people, it's kind of . . . Hell. All those brains yapping all the time drives a guy bananas. CASTIEL: Because you can hear everyone's thoughts. PRYCE: Well, not yours. All I'm getting from you is . . . colors. But the hippie over here? I'm seeing some creep-ass hobbit-lookin' fella, a prison cell?

Not only did he share the relatable tidbit about avoiding other people because of the effect of picking up all their thoughts, the only thing he picked up from Cas was “colors.” Nothing specific as far as thoughts go, but psychic wavelengths that he interpreted as color.

And through all the people in town that Chip controlled, he never really could get a read on Cas, either. He picked up Sam’s wavelength right away, just like Oliver Pryce did, but Cas remained a puzzle because like for Pryce, he was just entirely out of the realm of their experience. He didn’t fit in their preconceived box. Pryce expected “normal human thoughts,” and Chip expected “type of happiness I understand and can exploit for my own personal gain.”

Chip... could not conceive of how to make Cas “happy” by his own definition.

And this finally leads me back around to Jack, and his episode-long struggle to understand why Felix the Snake was “sad.” Why he wouldn’t eat and seemed lethargic and sluggish. Jack... had no true intuitive read on the snake’s feelings. Maybe it just hated the tiny plastic box Jack had it in. Maybe it was just too cold. Reptiles need outside warmth to be active, and won’t eat if it’s too cold to bring their body temperature up enough for digestion. But Jack was treating it as if it were a sad person instead of a snake with needs that he was clearly not meeting. Road trips may have cheered Jack up in the past, but snakes don’t generally like that sort of thing. Nor do they like crunch cookie crunch.

Felix was just as much a puzzle to Jack as Cas was to Chip. And like Chip, when Jack couldn’t make the snake be happy, he gave up and blew up its head disintegrated it, as if it was an act of mercy when it was anything but. Just like Chip insisted that killing the people that fought against his mind control was done to “protect his town,” when really it was to protect himself.

And now that we have that out there, I’m gonna skip over the fight scene to Sunny’s confrontation with her father (back to my previous format of commenting in parenthesis between the text):

Sunny: You killed Conrad! Chip: No! You told him the truth, and that’s why he ran. And that’s why I did what I had to do. You killed that boy, Sunny, not me.

(YIIIIIIKES. First off, my Worst Thing To Say Ever On Supernatural-- “I did what I had to do.” And second, he blamed his own daughter, who fell in love with someone in a way Chip didn’t approve of, and told him the Big Truth about what was happening in town, for her lover’s murder. If she’d only obeyed and kept the secret and followed his orders unquestioningly, everything would be just fine! How ironic is it that the ONE person in town who was immune to his powers and that he couldn’t “read” the way he did everyone else was the only miserable one in a five mile radius? And that she was the one person you’d think Chip had a vested interest in actually ensuring her happiness, because she was his child. But nope. He was so disconnected from reality that he couldn’t even relate to her aside from how she could serve him. And that’s just... a horrific glimpse of parent-child dynamics on this show.)

[meanwhile inside the soda shop, a donnybrook ensues, and eventually Cas talks Sam around, breaking Chip’s psychic hold over him, because Cas was unwilling to actually hurt Sam in order to stop the fight. He used his words... after they recover they run outside to see Sunny’s confrontation with her father]

Sunny: You’re sick. Chip: Well, but you stayed. You didn’t even try and stop me.

(YIIIIIIIIKES now he’s not just blaming her for her lover’s murder, but for everything else he’s done. As if it were her responsibility as his child to do so. As if this was a black and white choice, and that not stopping him was equivalent to her full complicity in his actions)

Sunny: I promised Mom that I wouldn’t leave you, but you’re a monster. [Chip grabs her arm and pulls her closer] Chip: No. No. In this town, I’m God.

(haaaaa, Sam runs out and shoves him away from Sunny. She’s got her father pegged now. It was a promise to her dead mother that kept her there, despite her father ruining her life and destroying the man she loved for his selfish pursuit of his personal idea of happiness. Because he’s really not god)

Sam: No, you’re not. Believe me. We’ve met God. Cas: God has a beard.

(YOU TELL HIM, CAS)

At this point, Chip breaks out a new set of psychic powers we didn’t know he had, and flings Cas across the sidewalk Angel Mojo Style. Only making the parallels to Angel Radio earlier seem even more apt. I mean, this also harks back to Sam’s own experiences with psychic power in 1.14-- and heck the pain caused by his visions seems also relevant to the more cataclysmic angel radio events I listed above-- but specifically the fact that when faced with enough of a threat, Sam moved that heavy piece of furniture blocking the doorway with his mind. And obviously we knew Chip was using his psychic powers to explode people’s noggins Scanners-style, but this makes him look... terrifyingly angelic. Kinda makes one wonder if this might be some sort of psychic gift that has passed down their family from... perhaps from a nephilim ancestor generations and generations ago, you know? Not that this is The Truth, but the powers are similar and it makes one wonder...

He then turns and attempts to use the power that wouldn’t work on Cas-- namely the head-exploding-- on Sam, but Sunny can’t stand by and watch him actively kill someone. She breaks out her own gift, that she’d apparently never used on someone else. She tells Chip to stop, and when he doesn’t do it of his own free will, she says it again, with power behind it. He may not have been able to use his psychic powers on her, but she was able to use hers on him.

This first reminded me of every other Crypt Scene we’ve ever seen, including Cain’s description of what made HIM stop killing originally and retire-- Colette asked him to stop.

But it also reminds me of another Psychic Children episode: 2.05. Andy Gallagher’s similar variety of mind control to Chip’s didn’t work on Sam, and his twin Ansem’s psychic influence didn’t work on Andy. But when push came to shove, Andy resorts to shooting his brother to stop him from killing Dean. But now Sunny is actually able to force her father to do her will instead. She proves she’s nothing like him, because instead of killing him, she locks him into a state of perpetual happiness inside her own mind. After she stops him, she’s horrified:

Chip: See? I told you! you’re just like me! Sunny: No. You hurt innocent people. You want to be happy? Then be happy. [she forces him to be happy]

Which is a callback to what Cas offered Fred Jones in 8.08:

FRED: You want to know what's the worst thing that can happen to a guy that's got a mind like I got? Losing it.

Because that’s kinda what happened with Chip. Not that he was suffering from a loss of control, but that all his filters had just... disappeared. Happy townspeople, thriving town, loving wife focusing that good feeling on him all the time. But Cas offered Fred a solution and explained what it would mean for him, which was kind of the opposite of the solution Sunny forced on her father:

FRED: Now I'm good. In a month, year... [sighs] Nobody gets sharper with age. I'm gonna lose control again, and somebody's gonna get hurt... again. [sighs] You got to make it stop. CASTIEL: There might be a way. The procedure will be painful, and... when it's over, I'm not sure how much of you will be left. FRED: [takes a deep breath and then speaks decisively] Well, what are you waiting for?

Rather than risk hurting anyone by accident because he was losing control of his powers, he eagerly allowed that part of himself to be removed so he could relax in the relative comfort of his own mind, knowing he was leaving the world better. He was... happy... even without his powers.

Sunny just... stopped Chip from using his power and locked him up in the vision he’d tried to create in reality, to remain unaffected by the people around him while they all go back to their normal lives-- happiness, misery, and everything in between.

And as Cas lays a hand on Chip’s head to answer Sam’s question that Sunny struggled to, because she didn’t know exactly what her power did to Chip, with an aside to mention that Cas was framed in the background behind Chip when she said, “Then be happy!” and thank heck her powers don’t work on him. But really, Cas is choosing to do the exact opposite for himself, because he can still make that choice for himself, which is an interesting flip here:

Cas: She made him happy. Your father is trapped inside his own mind. He’s in a world that... it’s a beautiful world, but it’s a place where he can never hurt anyone again. Sunny: Good.

There’s so much parent/child horror mixed up in this, with their current parental dramas surrounding Jack, and the vision of “paradise” that Jack gave Cas back in 12.19. That was also a “beautiful world” where there was no struggling, no war, no anger... but it was equally as unreal as this vision that Chip is now trapped in. But it sounds like it wasn’t even Cas’s idea of happiness, by the way he described it to Kelly in 12.23. He seemed more shaken by it, given his greater understanding of what Jack literally brought into the world with him-- ie the rift directly to The War World, and AU Michael and all the horrors that have resulted from that. And none of that was Jack’s conscious doing, but his birth brought that forth anyway.

Just as Michael’s narrative purpose has sort of... ended, now that he escaped Dean’s mind fridge, and just as Michael’s purpose in this universe was thwarted when the Apocalypse didn’t happen back in 5.22 and left our Michael catatonic and broken in the cage (according to Lucifer), and just like Lucifer became listless and bent on rage-fueled destruction without any other purpose after Chuck left the world again, Jack is facing that same sort of purposelessness and fundamental loss of identity in the wake of having achieved his purpose of defeating the evil his creation brought forth into the world. Defeating it changed him, and it remains to be seen if he’s any better equipped to deal with that change, and that loss of purpose, than Michael and Lucifer were.

And this also brings up all the questions of Cas, his identity, his abilities, his state of being, and his happiness, and what the consequences of him choosing that happiness might mean for all of that... and for his very existence if the Empty has anything to say in the matter.

And I got all this from the realization that Chip’s powers were a wee bit angel-y.

#spn s14 spoilers #spn 14.15 #spn 5.22 #spn 12.23 #spn 12.19 #spn 8.08 #spn 1.14 #spn 2.05 #spn 10.17 #jack nougat winchester #castiel winchester #you learned it from the goats #spn 12.08 #spn 4.09 #spn 12.10 #spn 13.01 #on the nature of angel grace #angels and souls

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keanajavier · 5 years ago

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OUR LOVE FOR THE THIRD TIME

We have learned to grow together without losing who we are and we have learned to grow on our own without growing apart. We've learned to enjoy and embrace our similarities. We don't set aside but rather we've learned to accept our differences and the fact that we are separate people. We've learned that we don't always have to fight every battle as some battles are meant to be surrendered and others are not worth it at all. We help each other grow, instead of building resentment for one's flaw and shortcoming.

In saying this, I don't mean we've got it all figure out. I'm not an expert. There are still times when our emotions get the best of us, we argue over the simplest topics and we get in the head of each other. But along the process, we have somewhat learned how to make it work or at least we always try and for that, I'm thankful.

To be in a relationship is a great deal of work. Now that I've experienced it first hand, I am able to clearly interpret what it means when they say the phrase"love is a choice more than a feeling" Feelings are indefinite, so staying in a relationship is a choice that requires commitment and conscious efforts in order for it to work. Love is all about choices and it takes more than feelings to keep the love alive. To choose to love also means to always choose the following; acceptance, communication, comprehension, trust, honesty and faithfulness. It is a choice to see the good every day, in our relationships and in our partners rather than focusing on the negative things. It is a choice to ignore the petty as much as it is a choice to know what matters the most. After all, we are free to choose what kind of love we give and we are free to choose what kind of love we allow into our lives. It's not easy having to constantly care and think of someone, some days its hard enough on my own but with the right person it has made me realize that it should be worthwhile and with the choice to make it work comes the amazing result of making the relationship last.

Being young and born in this generation where career is opposed to love and where media encapsulates the importance of oneself has been the biggest challenge that I've encountered so far. The uncertainty, curiosity and the drive in my heart to figure things out and create a life on my own has caused a bit of tension in my relationship. The personal struggles in the process of discovering and learning who I am has slightly put my relationship in the bad light. For a while, I was afraid that I was being hindered from the vast possibilities of the world and what it can offer just because our perspectives don’t align with each other and his interests don't seem to match with mine. This prompts issues and misunderstandings that we could've easily given up on simply because we're different.

I've learned the importance of understanding that it won't always be one hundred percent in sync and what it means to become completely honest with yourself. Who we are as individuals before we got into a relationship shouldn't be disregarded and anything less than this is not what we deserve. It is crucial that we both know our worth and we can freely voice out our opinions without feeling bad or fear of judgment. It is important to allow each other to decide and make mistakes. In other words, I am my own person and so is he. We are different and we will never be the same. We aren't a part of someone's life to force them to change or to fill in the gaps within their lives. We aren't the final missing piece of a puzzle to complete what they think they lack. We are in a relationship to compliment what we already have and celebrate each other for who we are. By knowing this, we allow each other to grow and be better version of ourselves and in return we become great partners. These differences make us and our relationship unique. It gives us the chance to experience life from two different point of views. It's refreshing and necessary for growth as we learn from each other. Simply put it in these terms, an unhealthy relationship is when the emotions of each other are being used to escape their problems. While a healthy relationship is based on two people acknowledging and addressing their own problems with each other’s help and support.

Problems and arguments are inevitable. Our relationship is no exception. We have our rough days. It's not always pleasant and there are times for serious discussions and disagreement. Although, I know there are more good days than the bad, the feud and quarrel from time to time can be mentally and physically draining and can cause serious issues in the long run.

Choose your battles wisely is what I'd say to this. This means being selective instead of fighting every problem, saving your time and energy only for the things of high importance. Arguments can also lead to hurting each other's feelings through the words that we unintentionally let go of when we're mad or frustrated. Training yourself to be a little less sensitive or quick to anger can avoid conflicts and honestly makes life so much better. Fight every battle constructively. If your arguing only to express your hurt and anger or you're fighting to make it even then you're fighting for the wrong reasons. Sure, you could win on the immediate issue but you will lose big in terms of the relationship. Learn to communicate your feelings and thoughts in a respectful manner and do not leave each other guessing. Learn to comprehend and become compassionate. It's never going to be easy but communication is nothing without comprehension. I try to evaluate, let go and mostly take big deep breathes. I've learned that some problems can be fixed right away and others take time. This is okay and we don’t have to follow what everyone says about fixing it all before going to sleep. See what works best for you. The challenges that come our way create space for improvement, provide learning and help us build a stronger relationship. And luckily, all problems have solutions.

It's not always going to be happy, eventually we will feel tired as we fall into a routine but even then, this is okay. When this happens, it's important to take a step back and remind yourself why you chose to love and enter the relationship. When we feel unhappy with how things are going, it makes it easy for us to put our focus on what our partner or our relationship lacks. It becomes easy for us to compare ourselves with other couples who make it seem perfect or faultless. This is not right and I am guilty of this. When we compare, we lose sight of the good things that are right in front of us and the reasons we loved our partners in the first place. Don’t let the relationship of other people that you know or see become the measurement of your relationship’s success. Comparison is a thief of joy. Instead strive to be your own goals. We must challenge ourselves to response healthily on these situations and to think about the other ways we can show our love to our partner. Do not limit your relationship to become what other people think it should be, no relationships are the same and everyone is going through something.

Overthinking is a kill joy. Remember that every minute you spend unhappy and stressed out is a minute of your life you can no longer take back. When we worry about the future, we let go of the the present moment and we forget to live life. When we spend our lives looking towards something that’s not even there, unconsciously we take time for granted. Do not take it too seriously, relax and stop worrying about things we have no control over. Enjoy life, accept change, practice contentment, love and take care of one another.

My relationship is far from perfect but I am grateful and blessed.

And as for you Kong, my love, I want to say thank you for living this life with me. I am still in awe of how patient and selfless you are. Thank you for the many times you've showed up at my front door to fix our issues, unknowingly, you have also helped fix me. Thank you because you never gave up on me even if I've given you more than enough reasons to. In deed, we have come a long way since then and all this wouldn't be possible if it weren't for you. I can be the most indecisive person but with you I am always sure; I will always choose you. I may no longer love you the same because I love you more now than I did three years ago.

Together, we will continue to watch the sunsets and welcome all the sunrises.

To my lover, my best friend and my confidant, here's to being young, to the many more years of learning and choosing to love.

Happy Anniversary.

Love, Kena

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