#Work has been insanely busy

[calkale]

Had a great day then spent 3 seconds considering downloading a dating app again. How you doing?

this is so real actually but dont fall for it thats how they get you and the worst thing you can ask me rn is how im doing i had another one of the worst days of my life (on the better side but thats saying almost nothing) 😎

also very glad you had a good day!!

[nullians]

It’s actually insane how fandom in general has become so scared of making weird and dark and ugly works. Like I look at myself and see how I have also subconsciously adapted this instinct to self censor and make things “marketable” and it’s making me want to crawl out of my skin. I need to get weirder and worse and more off-putting hello

[huanted-dennys]

Take a mock comic cover wip

And some random stuff

[godblooded]

the little kid i work with escaped the ukraine two years ago. my family immigrated in the 50s/60s to escape the turkish occupation in my papou’s village in greece. and it is both immensely heartbreaking and also insanely healing to help someone the way my grandparents weren’t helped when they got to this country.

[non-un-topo]

I said I wouldn't write another plague-related fic after Perferō but here I am trying to finish something that actually takes place during the black plague

[llondonfog]

sr tsum silver win, that is all

[itspileofgoodthings]

tags continued from prev post.

[chronal-anomaly]

Sorry y'all I've been MIA I've just been incomprehensibly tired all the time

[exopelagic]

turns out my supervisor is?? impressed??? with my work so far??? how do I keep getting away with this??

[macroglossus]

being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

[dayurno]

who are your favorite mdzs characters??

(falling over myself panting and screaming) JIN LING ITS JIN LING JIN LING IS MY FAVORITE i will say i havent watched cql so i don't know anything about him in that but i love jin ling in the books and i loved that he was angry and that he was scared and that he was confused and i loved how hard it was for him to accept affection from wwx when he knew it was wwx, i love that he's the world's saddest and loneliest little boy, i love that his life is shaped by so much grief and trauma and that the adults around him have failed him constantly ever since the day he was born. and my only beef i'll ever have with wangji is that he has beef with jin ling. he's not a monster he's a 16 year old who misses his parents. so there!

other than that i'm easy and simple obviously i love wwx and lwj..... i'm a ride or die for xichen as well i think first of all there is something so kevin day about xichen in the sense that they're both positioned at the crux of so many issues and entirely unaware of it. the way jin guangyao and nie mingjue were passing xichen back and forth and xichen had no idea of the game they were playing because he wasn't invited into it at all. ugh! i love the jades of lan really, i think their relationship as brothers is so interesting and i think about their mother all the time. madam lan :(!

this is surprising even to me because on my first read through i didnt care if jiang cheng lived or died but now i actually think about him a lot. usually i don't enjoy jealousy plots but i think jiang cheng is so interesting and detailed and flawed and human..... he gets misunderstood a lot in my opinion so he's my friend now too. i know he'll never be happy but that's ok. he has jin ling and that will be enough. and also i love wen ning but i cant think too much about him or i start to get ill and sick. but i hope wen ning jiang cheng and jin ling can go out for dinner one day

[moe-broey]

Idk if I'm gonna be able to articulate this on the fly like first thing in the morning, but. I think my ENTIRE body of work is This: Examining how family ties, bonds or lack thereof, the good and bad AND ugly, seep into every facet of who we are and how we come to interact with others. How sometimes, a family tie (or again, a Lack of one), will sometimes bleed into how you act and treat specific people. Will bleed into how you CONNECT with those people (or, will be the very reason you fail to do so).

HOWEVER. HOWEVER. THERE IS A DELICATE LINE. A BALANCING ACT. You CANNOT just simply attribute fanon flavored ideas of found family to such characters. That's too simple, and sometimes, is a complete disservice to the specific character you're working with. I am once again bringing up Chilchuck. YES, him being a dad Absolutely seeps into how he treats his party. But if you call him the party's dad, you're Insane. Do you know ANYTHING ABOUT THAT MAN???? He would prefer you didn't. But I digress. He strikes a fascinating balance, between having The Qualities and ESPECIALLY expressing his care for his party in a Really Specific divorced (separated.) father of three fashion, but that does Not make him a "dad friend". He's a professional. He's on business. He's going home at the end of the day, and at the end of this adventure he's thinking of setting up a shop. I wanted to keep this more vague and broad but like. The Chilchuck example REALLY DOES perfectly articulate What I'm trying to get at, here. He's the perfect encapsulation of How his family shapes him, how that bleeds into his relationships with others, vs Who he is as a person.

How we were raised, our family ties, whether you adhere to it or you've fallen FAR from the tree -- you still fell from that stupid fucking tree. It's in your blood. Literally. It gave you shape, whether you liked it or not. And sometimes some things just set off weird domino effects, that also affect us irrevocably forever.

WHICH IS. TO SAY. I have no fucking idea what I'm talking about. I'm always trying to figure that out. Found family is/can be real, you're not strictly bound by blood if you don't wanna be. BUT. The bullshit I'm constantly on, is trying to figure out how to balance all that without slotting everyone into reductive roles. I'm gay and I seek to destroy the nuclear family. Not attempt to recreate nuclear family 2.0. You CAN reconstruct What Family Is/Means from the ground up, but you have to accept that things are going to get Weird. Because you're Queer. You are fundamentally incompatible with the status quo and normalcy, the solution is NOT assimilation and palatability, the solution is to just. Get weirder. And be fluent in canon. Okay. I love you

[talentforlying]

ello ello ello return to your usual sad scouse bastard programming coming next week <3

[loumauve]

I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.

(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)

[llondonfog]

i have not forgotten about diasomnia month i promiseeeee