#William Gibson would probably hate it

[byberbunk2069]

The ending of Killing Moon with Johnny's talk about the clock ticking feels like a great cliffhanger bit for the end of a hypothetical Cyberpunk TV show from 1995.

after 22 episodes the protagonist says goodbye to their one shot at a definitive cure and all they got left is Hanako Arasaka at Embers.

Do they go to Embers? Who knows! There's a brief reunion with the less successful cast members who now survive by doing convention appearances.

[kisses4kaia]

MORE BROTHERS BEST FRIEND BILLY THE KID I BEG OF YOU

GIBSON GIRL .ᐟ

pairing— brothersbestfriend!william h. bonney x fem!reader

warnings— smut, forbidden relationship, p in v, oral (m and f receiving) EVERYONE IS LEGAL!!

a/n— this took an absurd amount of time sorry! she’s here now tho so plz reblog if u enjoyed! (also not a part two to the first one 🤍)

“billy, make sure she’s safe while i’m gone, will you?” jesse asks his best friend in reference to you, his innocent, sweet, little sister. and naturally, without any hesitation, billy nods. “of course, always,”

there’s something about his tone when he says it, something that hints that his opinion of you isn’t entirely fraternal, but perhaps something more profound. jesse doesn’t catch onto that, though; never having been the brightest tool in the shed.

almost ignorantly, he just nods at billy in respectful acknowledgment, kisses you on the cheek, all before leaving the house, heading into town for whatever errands needed running, leaving you and billy alone for many unsupervised hours.

god, the tension between the pair of you was palpable—thicker than molasses and sweeter than it, too. to make matters worse for the outlaw, recently, you took up a new hobby—making billy squirm. making innuendos just barely passable as innocent banter, being on your best behavior and letting him know you were like this just for him, then going and turning it around completely, becoming a complete and total brat, not heeding to mind a single word he speaks.

and fuck, it was driving him insane. he felt so ashamed of himself on nights when all his mind could conjure up before bed was images of you—images the lord would frown upon sincerely—and end up with a cum-splotched torso and a still unsatiated cock. he hated you for it.

you, with your too-tight denim shorts in july, and with your ribbons in your pigtail plaits, and your sweet, soft, wickedly tantalizing, eyes and even more venomous voice. everything about you drove him mad, and it was the very nature of your relationship that irked him the most—because, he knew, as desperately as he wanted, he could not have you. you were his best friends little sister, for christ’s sake! it was never bound to end well for him. honestly, he felt like the fates had fucked him.

so now, when you are in your bed, reading a romance novel you’ve already read twice, something outside of your window catches your eye. billy is currently out on the farm with the horses, tending to them. not an uncommon sight, however since it’s august, and this is the midwest, and it is hot—almost naturally—billy has abandoned his linen, button-up, shirt and is wearing nothing but a dirt-stained wifebeater, his trousers, and gun holster—and of course, his cowboy hat. you bite your lip at the display, sure this must be a product of one of your many erotic dreams about your brothers best friend, but all of that is debunked when he looks up at you, his catching the way your bottom lip is folded behind your teeth and your lingering gaze is burning onto his toned arms—probably a result of workin so hard as a farmhand and cowboy his whole life, you reckon—and meeting your piercing gaze.

you decide to push yourself off of your pretty, bowed, sheets and make your way downstairs to the trouble that lies within the man you grew up right next to.

“you know, it’s rude to stare,” billy chimes while you sit on an old, rackety, rocking chair residing on the back porch of your house, watching billy on the ranch. “and you think i’m above being rude?” you cock your head slightly, almost challenging him but not quite. he rolls his eyes, obviously wanting to snap back but can’t find it in him, not when you’re looking at him like that.

soon, he’s done with the work needed to have been done (admittedly, he did make haste so as to keep you waiting on him), and he’s grabbing his shirt off the pole of the wooden fence that is caging the horses in, tying the sleeves around his waist. he doesn’t spare you a single glance as he walks into the home, but you know he’s silently beckoning you to trail after him—after all, you were only out here to ogle at him, weren’t you?

when you enter the threshold of your home, your eyes land upon billy, who is pouring himself a glass of cheap whiskey and plopping down onto your couch.

“c’mon, sit down,” billy offers, sweat on his brow as the brown liquor swirls around the crystal glass, his legs spread wide and his demeanor exuding assertiveness. “well, now don’t be silly, there’s no other seat,” you acknowledge the lack of another sofa in the cozy living room, and the one billy did sit on, was only big enough to seat one. “oh, that’s no problem, doll, just sit on my lap, hm?” he cocks his head at you, daring eyes telling you all you needed to know. your raise your eyebrows and smile. “are you sure that’s what you want me to do?” your voice is a single warning, and billy is clearly throwing all caution to the wind, because he laughs. “c’mon, baby, i’m a big boy, i know what i want,” you knew what his underlying message was and the implication urged you to begin walking towards the couch.

blue eyes bore into yours as you throw a leg on either side of his thighs, skirt splaying over the tops of your thighs. he downs all the liquor in the glass before placing it onto the small coffee table next to him, eyes never leaving yours. carefully, but not fearfully, he drags a finger from your calf all the way to your waist, before both of his large hands take a rest at your love handles. “careful, billy,” you say in a singsong voice, allowing your hips to slowly, very slowly, begin moving downwards unto billy’s crotch. your arms lazily wrap around his neck, forearms resting on his strong, broad, shoulders. he kisses his teeth, bringing his face closer to yours ever so slightly, whiskey breath fanning over your face, chest, décolletage. when his lips finally encase yours, there’s so much built-up tension flowing in the passionate manner in which he kisses you, his palms grip onto your hips possessively before pressing all over your back, grappling desperately to get his calloused hands everywhere on your body all at once. he felt like he was drowning in you, but he would never call for help, for he needed you this instant and there was nothing stopping him from having you right here, right now.

“get on your knees,” he grits through his teeth, lust seething through the low growl that is his voice. you hardly think twice before moving back onto the plywood floor, knees already taking splinters, but you didn’t care, not when billy was unbuckling his denim trousers and letting his cock spring free from the confines of his boxers.

billy revels in the wide-eyed expression on your face as you take in his size. his cock was beautiful—angry, red, and proud, tip leaking with precum, pretty veins running vertically along the length. you swallow your surprise and slowly, you wrap a soft hand around the base of his length, bringing your lips down to his tip and pressing teasing kisses on it. the man above you lets out a soft groan, relaxing his muscles and allowing a strong hand to run through your hair, not quite gathering it yet, but maintaining it out of your face.

after peppering gentle kisses all over his hard cock, you finally flatten your tongue against the underside of him, licking up to the tip. you wrap your lips around his achy head and take as much as you can of him into your mouth, warm throat tightening around him. it takes everything inside billy to not immediately start fucking your fragile face, and when your tear-pricked eyes met his darkened blue ones, he roughly pulls you off of him. he throws you onto your back on the couch, like you weigh no more than a feather, hikes up your skirt and pulls your pale, pink, cotton, panties to the side. as he begins sliding his cock between your puffy folds, his tip brushes against your sensitive bud, and you whine, needing him to quit dangling the carrot and fuck you already. at the pathetic sound, billy just coos, pressing a gentle, loving, kiss to your pouted lips, before slamming his cock into your unprepared, sopping, cunt. you cry out against his lips and as he begins rutting his hips against yours, he’s trying to find restraint. he knows you probably won’t be able to walk properly for a week if he keeps fucking you like this, but the pent up tension finally being released urges him to keep fucking you primally—and plus, you wanted this, didn’t you? with your teasing, and your fucking miniskirts, everything you did was a beg for billy to fuck you into your place, right?

even in his sex-crazed state, billy’s still a gentleman who’s concerned with your pleasure just as much as his, and uses one of the hands he had rested beside your head to draw fast circles on your clit, pulling the most melodic sounds from you. they pushed him closer and closer to the edge and before you both knew it, billy was pulling out of your cunt, making you whine at the empty feeling, stroking himself a few times before painting your abdomen in his seed.

when he came down from his high, billy dropped down to his knees before you, skipping all the teasing he wanted to do (he would, next time) and licked a fat stripe up your slit, stopping at your clit and sucking momentarily. the muscle continued to work at you, dipping and fucking into your achy hole, and within minutes, your orgasm had crashed into you like a powerful ocean tide, struck by poseidon himself. you cried out his name, explicit weaved between your moans. billy just rides you through it, strong hands holding your wildly bucking hips down as you spasmed through your release.

“good girl, such a good girl,” billy cooed, the praise making your face go warm, even after he saw the most intimate parts of you. you brush off the compliment, afraid your own voice would betray you and instead reply “i take it this won’t be the last time we do… this?” and billy just chuckles darkly, picking you up off the couch and sitting himself back down, placing you prettily on his lap. “no, sugar. after this, you’re mine. understand?”

[shadowron]

William Gibson on Shadowrun

Three days ago, Catalyst Game Labs, the current makers of Shadowrun, tweeted that:

"Something new is coming January 24th…"

along with the following image:

seems buggy...

On the eve of whatever this announcement will be, it seems like a good time to remind everyone that the philosophical father of cyberpunk, William Gibson, hates Shadowrun.

There's a quote from Gibson in 1998 that I've quoted before, but after some digging I found the original source, in an interview with Ben Lincoln.

bottom left corner

For those not in the know, this is from The Peak, the independent college newspaper of Simon Fraser University, which is hands-down my favorite Canadian institute of higher education named after a fur trapper.

A quite dapper trapper, as you can see.

Five years later, Gibson would bring up Shadowrun on his own blog:

I haven't been able to find any further comments from W.G. in the twenty years hence, so apparently kept good on his intention.

So he probably won't care about what I'm planning next...

[cthulhubert]

What have you already read and what sort of books do you like?

I just read most of the novels by Greg Egan, and liked most of them. They're mostly really deep speculative sci-fi and not very long. Quarantine remains a favorite, but also Incandescence and Schild's Ladder and the Clockwork Rocket trilogy.

Most books by Alastair Reynolds are decent Sci-fi, usually on the hard-but-not-super-hard end.

For something a little more wrenching you could read anything by Octavia E Butler, I think Dawn is one of her most famous (first book of the Xenogenesis or Lilith's Brood series).

Altered Carbon by Richard K Morgan is good cyberpunk by way of detective noir but I don't care for the sequels half as much.

Since I'm thinking of Cyberpunk now I want to recommend William Gibson, but instead of Neuromancer (and the Sprawl trilogy) which basically created the genre, I liked the Bridge Trilogy more (it starts with Virtual Light).

But my favorite cyberpunks are probably Hardwired by Walter Jon Williams and This Alien Shore by Celia S Friedman (you could make a solid argument that this is outside of cyberpunk but I will simply disagree with you).

Most of the Discworld books are worth your time (Weird Sisters; Guards, Guards; and Small Gods would be my favorite places to start).

Some of my top rated works of narrative fiction are actually completed webserials. Worm by Wildbow (super heroes but if living in a world with constant fighting and calamities caused as much havoc and PTSD as it should) and Worth the Candle by Alexander Wales (weird self-aware Isekai with an epilogue that I hate but), google and you can find and read them.

The Baru Cormorant series by Seth Dickinson is quite gripping, with some heavy subject matter. I have a bit of a bug up my butt about secondary world fiction with no magic (what's the damned point), but I devoured the three books that are out anyways (honestly the third book feels like it stops at a good place but he's apparently writing a fourth one).

One of my big weaknesses, especially lately, is cultivation fantasy stuff (isekai or not). Unfortunately, a lot of these tend to not be picked up by my local library, and are only available as e-books from Amazon, but they also tend to not be expensive. one of my favorites of those is the Cradle series by Will Wright which just recently completed. I also enjoyed the Weirkey Chronicles by Sarah Lin, which really stands out in my memory for having world building, characters, and plot elements I really love paired with incredibly bland prose (though it gets better).

That's off the top of my head, sorry I only wrote down the hook for a few of them.

hiii book-reading mutuals please recommend books i’ll do anything

[raggedyannrevivaleffort]

day 87 in the raggedy ann revival effort discord,-- today we collectively decided to make william gibson's ghost cry.

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/30/2022: CRIMES OF THE FUTURE (2022)

I love this movie.

I hate making top 5-type lists, or being forced to name a favorite thing within your favorite field. If you really care about something, wouldn't your feelings about it be deep and wide, and not attached to a single monolithic example of it? So when pressed, I usually answer on instinct, and just say that David Cronenberg is my favorite director. It's more or less the truth. His imperious intelligence, polymorphic perversity, and his embrace of all god's creatures—even the pathological and parasitic—as the heroes of their own narratives, all add up to a form of satisfaction that I just can't get anywhere else. He's simply the best, and too smart, too hip, and too original to be imitated despite his indelible influence on the horror world at large.

Portrait by Jean Ber. Hubba.

But, if I'm being completely honest, when I think about him, I tend to think of the Cronenberg from the before-time. The horror films that he made between SHIVERS and CRASH are what characterize him for me as an artist. These are stories about evolution, whether humans are obliterated or uplifted by it, and the way some of us crave to accelerate evolution through personal and political means when it doesn't come fast enough to keep up with our evolving ambitions. Max Renn's indoctrination into the revolutionary cult of VIDEODROME, Seth Brundle's overhaul of his own genetics in THE FLY, and the underground war waged by post-humans in SCANNERS are probably the boldest and best-remembered representations of the artist's ethos. However, viewers like me may remember 2002's eXistenZ, a spy thriller about viscera-based video games, as the last truly Cronenbergian film—not that he stopped making good, even great movies, but thereafter he leaned into literary adaptations and psychodramas that explore social dysfunctions and deformations of the mind more than they do the possibilities of the flesh. I enjoyed those movies, but I also missed the classic Cronenberg, the experimental one who used the body as an allegorical battlefield for the struggle between old and new ideologies. I figured I wouldn't get him back, either, thinking of William Gibson's retort to readers who wish he still wrote the way he used to when he said (approximately) that Neuromancer is a young man's novel, and if he were still doing exactly what he did decades ago, then something would be seriously wrong.

Ronald Mlodzik as subversive dermatologist Adrian Tripod in CRIMES OF THE FUTURE (1970), about to be set upon by a hot piece of rough trade with webbed toes.

Anyway. I'm thrilled to be able to report that the old Cronenberg is alive and well in this sensational update of his 1970 short film CRIMES OF THE FUTURE. Many have been careful to note that the 2022 release is not a remake of that early project, but I would refute the assertion that the two movies have nothing in common beyond their sharing one of the greatest movie titles ever written. In CRIMES '70, a rogue dermatologist seeks a way to preserve humanity in the face of a gynocidal plague caused by toxic cosmetics. In that world, traditional heteronormative, masculine pageantry has all but evaporated, leaving the surviving males with increasingly androgynous forms of self-expression, contributing to the creation of rival factions with their own sociopolitical agendas. In order to protect the human race from extinction, the protagonist is faced with the decision to do something appalling to a small child. In CRIMES '22, the human race as we know it is threatened by Accelerated Evolution Syndrome, in which certain bodies rapidly produce new organs and new abilities that are incompatible with the old way of life. The government is taking oppressive steps to preserve the standard qualifications for human taxonomy, but the mercurial state of biological affairs is changing everything, including the expression of sexuality and desire. Ultimately, the ability of the new people to retain their human status will hinge on the protagonists' willingness to do something radical with the body of a child. With all that said, it is clear that the early short film planted the seeds of this late vintage masterpiece that is among the finest and most distinctive works of David Cronenberg's entire career.

CRIMES OF THE FUTURE (2022) focuses on Saul Tenser (Viggo Mortensen, who is the new Rutger Hauer) and Caprice (Léa Seydoux), a pair of performance artists making the most out of Saul's acute case of Accelerated Evolution Syndrome. Saul's condition makes him dependent on a variety of high tech, Gigeresque orthotic devices, including a bed that shifts his body to ameliorate its painful inner workings, a chair that rearranges him in effort to support his waning ability to eat, and a special sarcophagus originally designed for autopsies that is now the chief tool of Saul and Caprice's artmaking. For their fevered fans, Caprice vivisects her partner, who experiences a post-sadomasochistic ecstasy at being penetrated and fondled from within. For many ordinary people, pain and infection are things of the past, so self-mutilation and body modification are now popular pastimes—or, as twitchy government spook Timlin (Kristen Stewart) puts it, "Surgery is the new sex." Embedded in this ever-expanding subculture are dissidents who seek to defend their status as human beings from the state's attempt to track and constrain the anatomical changes cropping up everywhere, which places Saul and Caprice in a moral quandary when they meet Lang Dotrice (Scott Speedman). The rebel leader requests that the couple make a political statement by publicly performing the autopsy of his mutant son, who was slain by the child's phobic mother. This lands the artists in a world of espionage and identity politics with no lesser stakes than the fate of the human race, and the rules for who is allowed to partake in it.

CRIMES OF THE FUTURE really has it all. It's beautifully designed, atmospheric, blackly funny, sexually subversive, profoundly disturbing, and most of all, timely. It takes place at the end of the world as we know it—a place many of us feel we already inhabit—but it holds out hope for a future in which being who you truly are, both privately and on the record, is a radical action in and of itself. Mutation and adaptation are the way forward, not conformity and foolish sentimentality, and these things are as good for the world as they are for the individual. But of course, Cronenberg doesn't apply this balm in the pat, corny way that I just did; the path to his ambiguous yet oddly optimistic ending is fraught and full of ambivalence as it orbits around one of the most shocking images that anyone has ever filmed. Somehow, in his late 70s and in our decadent age when explicit sex and violence dominate popular prestige television, David Cronenberg is still pushing buttons and violating our remaining boundaries with the skill and deliberation of a surgeon, and like a surgeon, he can change you if you let him. Surgery is the new sex. Long live the new flesh.

[post-punk-post-twink]

@abyronicgentleperson tagged me to do this :)

Name: Devin, Evan on my spicy Twitter

Sign: Sagittarius (People tell me this means I must be really fun and then we never speak again, which I am okay with 😌)

Height: 6'2" or 188cm

Time: 11:00 am

Birthday: 25 November

Favourite bands/artists: Patti Smith, Hole (Courtney Love's band), The Slits, Sex Pistols, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Blondie, Madonna, Björk, Wanting Qu, Bach, John Cage, Viagra Boys, Six Impala, ZAND

Last movie: Fire Island (2022) -- would probably never have watched it on my own but I was with a fwb yesterday who put it on while we cuddled and I actually really enjoyed it!

Last show: Stranger Things season 1

When I created this blog: 2019?

What I post: Pics of myself, lazy gay shitposts, random thoughts, answers to sexy asks, occasionally an actual opinion about something marginally important, sprinkle in some pictures of punk icons here and there, occasionally D&D or JRPG stuff

Last thing I Googled: other than converting my height to cm? "cylindrical instrument that makes monkey noises" (it's a cuica!)

Other blogs: I have one dedicated to punk stuff and the aesthetic of the mundane called @boldasbluebirds and I've only recently started to do reblogs on it again. I also have one I verrrrrrry infrequently post poetry on called @gayangstat26

Do I get asks?: Occasionally, when I send out a prompt. Would love to get more >.>

Following: 319

Followers: 335 (surprisingly even)

Average hours of sleep: Between 6 and 8. I will kill people when lacking in sleep for too many days in a row.

Instruments: I played the clarinet, piano, cello, and a little bit of saxophone growing up. Occasionally I'll mess around on the piano now and I am still capable of playing clarinet but I don't.

What I'm wearing: A grey tank top and some wash magenta joggers

Dream job: I kind of want to be a novelist but it's very hard for me to dedicate myself to something so monotonous. Video game architectural designer would be fun

Dream trip: Yunnan province, China to see the domed green mountains

Nationality: US American

Favourite songs: An all time favorite might be "Summer Cannibals" by Patti Smith. Two recent favorites are "Sour Switchblade" by Elita and "Six Finger Death Punch" by Six Impala. See below!

Last book I read: Last book I finished was Neuromancer by William Gibson. I'm working on The Silmarillion by Tolkien.

Tagging @ovenroastedtwerkey @hydroxy-slut @unwinding-myself @empirewithoutend @eatmysweat @piningforthefjords @matthewisaprude @zeta999 and I hate this because it is impossible to actually tag everyone I'd like to hear from fsklfdsjlkghkgjkdfgkhjfsdjkl

[v171]

Best in Books, 2021

Sorry for another book post that no one asked for. I just enjoy doing these as it lets me reflect back on books that I haven't read in a long time.

Got this survey online here and thought it was another fun way to reflect back on what I read.

1. Best Book You Read In 2021?

Provenance - Ann Leckie

2. Book You Were Excited About & Thought You Were Going To Love More But Didn’t?  

Hummingbird Salamander - Jeff Vandermeer WHAT a colossal disappointment...

3. Most surprising (in a good way or bad way) book you read?    

The Midnight Library - Matt Haig I absolutely hated this book and it made me realize that I don't think I'll ever like him as an author. I was stunned that this book got the acclaim that it did considering how objectively bad I felt that it was.

4. Book You “Pushed” The Most People To Read (And They Did)?

Words of Radiance - Brandon Sanderson I don't actually think I pushed too many people to read this, but I recommended it to a friend who in turn recommended it to by brother and now another friend. So it all started with me.

5. Best series you started in 2021? Best Sequel? Best Series Ender of 2021?

Best series I started - Rosewater - Tade Thompson Picked this up on a whim and really loved it. Looking forward to finishing the trilogy this year.

Best sequel - Artificial Condition - Martha Wells Honestly all of the murderbot books blend together, but I THINK this one was my favorite.

Best series ender - The Hero of Ages - Brandon Sanderson This was honestly just okay, but I didn't finish many series this year....

6. Favorite new author you discovered in 2021?

Jackie Polzin I read her debut novel, Brood on a whim as my last book of the year. I was so surprised by how wonderful it was and how excellent of a writer she is.

7. Best book from a genre you don’t typically read/was out of your comfort zone?

Poison for Breakfast - Lemony Snicket This was some mixture of memoir and philosophy I guess? I really enjoyed it and neither genres are something I read often.

8. Most action-packed/thrilling/unputdownable book of the year?

Sea of Rust - C. Robert Cargill This had been on my TBR forever before I finally picked it up, and I'm so happy I did. It was fantastic and oddly touching.

9. Book You Read In 2021 That You Would Be MOST Likely To Re-Read Next Year?

Blindsight - Peter Watts I initially rated this a lot lower than I should have, because I am still thinking about how impactful this was. There's a sequel and I think I might try to re-read this before jumping into Echopraxia.

10. Favorite cover of a book you read in 2021?

The Hole - Hiroko Oyamada I'm not super big into the genre of Japanese mystical realism, but I found this to be short, sweet, and moderately enjoyable. I LOVE the cover though.

11. Most memorable character of 2021? Molly, Neuromancer - William Gibson The original Trinity. I loved her.

12. Most beautifully written book read in 2021?

This is How You Lose the Time War - Amal El-Mothar, Max Gladstone

13. Most Thought-Provoking/ Life-Changing Book of 2021?

The Seep - Chana Porter I thought this was a very interesting exploration into what it means to be progressive and what we'd be giving up if we actually were liberated from earthly conflict.

14. Book you can’t believe you waited UNTIL 2021 to finally read? 

 Neuromancer - William Gibson

15. Favorite Passage/Quote From A Book You Read In 2021?

I never write down quotes that I like, but it would probably be something from The Lathe of Heaven by Ursula Le Guin because of course it is.

16.Shortest & Longest Book You Read In 2021?

Shortest - Peace, Pipe - Aliya Whiteley More like a short story. I think its like... 20 something pages.

Longest - Words of Radiance - Brandon Sanderson 1087 pages

17. Book That Shocked You The Most

The Invention of Sound - Chuck Palahniuk This was literally written to be shocking, so I guess it wasn't surprising that I found it shocking. It was not good though.

18. OTP OF THE YEAR (you will go down with this ship!)

I do not do this.

19. Favorite Non-Romantic Relationship Of The Year

Henry Thompson and OWEN, The Municipalists - Seth Fried Totally fell in love with this book and I loved their buddy cop dynamic. (They weren't actually cops, don't worry)

20. Favorite Book You Read in 2021 From An Author You’ve Read Previously

Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro The Buried Giant was one of my favorite books of last year and this was just as wonderful and devastating.

21. Best Book You Read In 2021 That You Read Based SOLELY On A Recommendation From Somebody Else/Peer Pressure/Bookstagram, Etc.:

Piranesi - Susanna Clarke Absolute garbage. Can't believe I was tricked into reading this by everyone on youtube and goodreads.

22. Newest fictional crush from a book you read in 2021?

Tobias, Silver in the Wood - Emily Tesh I was about to say that I don't get fictional crushes... but that's not true I guess. How am I supposed to resist a gruff mountain man forest spirit??

23. Best 2021 debut you read?

Brood - Jackie Polzin

24. Best Worldbuilding/Most Vivid Setting You Read This Year?

The Well of Ascension - Brandon Sanderson Not a surprise that Brandon is good at worldbuilding. Only reason that I didn't put Stormlight Archive is that I haven't caught up yet.

25. Book That Put A Smile On Your Face/Was The Most FUN To Read?

A Psalm For The Wild Built - Becky Chambers So lovely and beautiful. A joy to read.

26. Book That Made You Cry Or Nearly Cry in 2021?

Never Let Me Go - Kazuo Ishiguro I mean come on... completely devastating...

27. Hidden Gem Of The Year?

The Raven Tower - Ann Leckie Criminally underrated book. I know Leckie is known for her Imperial Radch saga, but this was absolutely excellent.

28. Book That Crushed Your Soul?

Razorblade Tears - S.A. Cosby So heart wrenching. Cosby was able to convey grief so wonderfully.

29. Most Unique Book You Read In 2021?

Version Control - Dexter Palmer What I thought would be a standard time travel sci-fi story really surprised me with its novel approach to time travel. Completely unique and an actually scientifically backed theory.

30. Book That Made You The Most Mad (doesn’t necessarily mean you didn’t like it)?

The Midnight Library - Matt Haig What a stupid waste of a book. So dumb, not insightful, waste of time. He literally just wanted to write a worse, less nuanced version of The Bell Jar, and in that I suppose he succeeded. Baffling that people loved this book. Not only was is completely surface level, the overarching commentary on mental health was bad and harmful.

[angeltrapz]

for the “give me a character” meme! Eric, Adam, William, Mallick, Strahm, Rigg!!!!

YESS thank u!!!!

Eric:

How I feel about this character: That's my boy!!! <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Uuuu okay. Adam, obviously, but concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Art, Lawrence, William, & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Him & Rigg!!! That's his best friend!!! + he and Gibson in the Eric Lives AU!! (Gibson IS dating his best friend + recognizes that he's made the effort to change <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: You Understand This but the idea that he's irredeemable/deserved to die is complete and utter bullshit. This post that you made perfectly describes my feelings on that!!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: Firstly that he. Y'know. Didn't die. But I would have loved to see any of his interactions with Hoffman? Obviously they knew each other + I like to think they have since they were in academy together, so there's gotta be some sort of history there, y'know?? I feel like he definitely cared about Eric so I would've been very interested to see more regarding that relationship! + one more big one: I wish he knew/was at least made aware of the fact that Daniel was ALIVE and okay. It kills me thinking abt how this man died not knowing if his child made it out.

Adam:

How I feel about this character: I loooove him he deserved better. I relate pretty heavily to him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Hehe. Lawrence obviously!! Chainshipping is a HUGE comfort ship for me. BUT! Regarding the SAW polycule: Lawrence, Eric, William, Gibson, & Mallick!! + when concerning that alternative canon continuity we've been talking abt, Strahm. But only in that circumstance lol,,

My non-romantic OTP for this character: MANDY!!! In any AU where she's either not a disciple or abandoned her apprenticeship, I firmly believe that he and Amanda would be best friends. Mean gay/lesbian solidarity siblings who would fight tooth and nail for each other + who get each other on a level that not many others can. Pamela also!! Along w Mandy I like to think they talk about their experiences being trans a lot + just bitching w each other lol.

My unpopular opinion about this character: IDK how unpopular this actually is but I 100% believe that Adam would never become a disciple in any capacity, ESP not of his own accord. I genuinely think he'd rather die. That's just not something I can see him doing in any circumstance.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish someone had gotten him out of the bathroom :( And in an AU where he lives I hope someone tells him what a bastard Zep was!! No one made that dude hold a gun to Diana's head and listen to her heartbeat what the FUCK was that!!

William:

How I feel about this character: He's such a sweetheart I love him,, <33

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Lawrence & Adam <3 in the polycule though this includes Eric & Mallick!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: He and Pamela obviously!! His sister is his best friend and they're there for each other 100%.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Much like Eric I don't think he deserved to die/that he's completely irredeemable... he fights so hard to save everyone and is utterly devastated when he can't. He's willing to hurt himself to save others (nearly dislocating his shoulders trying to keep both Addy and Allen, burning himself with the steam for Debbie, etc.) and it's like. John is always talking about how it can't be personal but it seems pretty fucking personal here!

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: The fact that nobody saw how hard he fought for his coworkers + the sacrifices he made for them upsets me to no end. That was intentional. John didn't want Tara + Brent (or Pamela for that matter!) to see him as human and that fucking bothers me!! So basically I just wish that they could've seen it via camera like literally almost every trap victim gets in some capacity!!

Mallick:

How I feel about this character: Yet another character I relate to wayyy too much <33 I love him...

All the people I ship romantically with this character: BRIT!!! + concerning the SAW polycule: Adam, Eric, William, & Lawrence!! (Art maybe too,,)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I like to think he and Laura would've gotten along actually? I feel like that would be a good, healthy friendship. And I do like the idea of he and Brit like this too!! Other than that maybe Mandy? I feel like they could relate to each other a little bit, help each other when they're feeling brainweird,, (Mallick n Mandy: havers of Symptoms Disorder <3)

My unpopular opinion about this character: Again I don't know if it's unpopular, persay, but uh. I don't think the Mallick we meet in V would willingly sit and listen to Bobby Dagen in 3D. He'd hate that dude. My take on it is that Brit didn't survive V (although I think read somewhere that the crew confirmed she survived?) and that's why he was there: because he'd lost the one true connection he'd made in god knows how long. That's rlly the only way I see him sitting thru Dagen's bullshit lmao.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wanted him to see Brit again,, and I just wanted to see him more in general tbh, esp because he makes a reappearance where so many prior Jigsaw survivors do not. I would've liked to see him interact with Simone given that they both lost a limb/nearly a limb (in Mallick's case). This is related to that, but I also wish the evidence of the 10 Pints trap wasn't just. A tiny scar? I HC that it took his whole hand, so.

Strahm:

How I feel about this character: Ohhh my beloved. Why didn't they give you a better narrative it would've been SO interesting. I love you though <3

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Honestly? Still super fond of Gibson/Strahm in a scenario where things are different,, I've written quite a bit abt them and kinda want to again but if I do it'll probably be. Not for a while + VASTLY different. but recent additions have been Hoffman (I used to. not understand Stroffman whatsoever. now I Get It) and Adam!!

My non-romantic OTP for this character: PEREZ!!! I've always thought of them as best friends since I first saw IV, and I do think he genuinely cared about her - quite a lot, actually, esp given how devastated he was when she was injured. They hang out at each other's apartments all the time + get coffee regularly. I love them.

My unpopular opinion about this character: I don't think he's a dumbass?? I don't know if that's unpopular. I think that he's IMPULSIVE and that it gets him into trouble, but Strahm has always struck me as incredibly intelligent + has a good moral compass for the most part?? I mean, he figured out there was a second apprentice (second as far as he knows, anyway) helping with traps just by examining Kerry's crime scene. I think he's VERY smart. He just acts quickly + sometimes that means there's not much planning for if things go south. (I DO agree that showing up to the packing plant w/out backup was dumb though,, doesn't mean he DESERVED the Water Cube but y'know)

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: It's not really mentioned if he does in canon, but I wish he'd been made aware of the fact that Perez was alive,, it bothers me that he might've died not knowing she was okay. The other thing is that I wish he'd survived V!!! I think it would've been WAY more narratively satisfying for him to kinda follow in Tapp's footsteps as a vigilante Jigsaw hunter. (That's why I love yr takes on him so much!!)

Rigg:

How I feel about this character: He has such a big heart. He cares so so much. I wish ppl talked about him more :(

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Gibson!!! And uhh Hoffman, but they're exes,, but! In a scenario I'm kind of going over in my head, maaaybe Adam... the basics though is that he searches the Nerve Gas House independently and somehow finds the Bathroom following II, and He is the one to rescue Adam. Very tentative abt that one though bc I'm still working it out lol. (Possibly Eric/Adam/Rigg???)

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Eric!!! His best friend <3 I think he's also pretty close with Kerry, though I think he hangs out w her independent of Eric given,, the messy ex situation. I think he probably got along well with Fisk too!! OH and I think he and Sing would've been good friends as well. The chaos of a Rigg/Gibson/Sing friend trio...

My unpopular opinion about this character: Mmm I don't know that I have one? Other than maybe like. I understood why he went through the door. He knew Eric was on the other side; he just didn't know the circumstances or what would happen if he went through. All he knew was that he was that much closer to someone he's been trying to find/rescue for MONTHS + someone he cares for deeply. Of COURSE he went through. He breaks my heart ugh,,,

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: I wish he hadn't even been tested!!!! His one flaw was that he cared about ppl and somehow John saw that as something he needed to fix!!! Like yes I do agree that it was eating away at him and the obsession might've been unhealthy, but that's two of his closest friends dude!! I don't think he deserved to be tested for that. I don't. He just wanted to help ppl and keep them safe. I absolutely despise how Rigg was treated dkjflkdf!!!!

[strangeandforlornbooks]

best books with morally ambiguous narrators!

all y’all’s problematic faves and villains! :) also included are third person narrators but in books with morally ambiguous leads/themes 

Sci-fi

Scythe by Neal Shusterman: in a future free from pain, disease, and war, people can live forever. ‘scythes’ are given the power to decide who lives and who dies to preserve the balance. sad and kinda gives of hunger games vibes, if you like that.

Neuromancer by William Gibson: basically invented the cyberpunk genre. strange and removed protagonists. (a team of computer hackers have to face off against an evil AI). you kind of dislike everyone and suddenly you’re crying over them. one of those trippy sci-fi classics.

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut: very beautiful and very very sad (same author as slaughterhouse five). the richest man in america has to face a martian invasion. more about free will and bad people doing good things than a plot that makes any kind of sense.

The Man in the High Castle by Philip K Dick: set in an alternate universe where the germans and japanese won world war two. not really like the tv show at all- it’s not an action story, and there’s not really the hope to somehow fix the world that drives a lot of dystopia stories. instead its about how people survive and connect to one another in a hopeless society.

The Scorpion Rules by Erin Bow: a supercomputer convinces the leaders of the world to keep the peace for hundreds of years by taking their children hostage and obliterating any city that disobeys. what happens to the hostage protagonists when war seems inevitable? lots of morally fraught decisions and characters slowly losing their identity. (plus a fun lesbian romance)

Cryptonomicon by Neal Stephenson: a brilliant mathematician and a dedicated marine fight to keep the ultra secret in world war two. fifty years later,  a tech company discovers what remains of their story. one of the most memorable sequences in the book is a japanese soldier slowly becoming disillusioned with his nation and horrified by the war even as he continues to fight.

Blade Runner by Philip K. Dick: another one of those sci-fi classics that’s not at all like the movie. there is a bounty hunter for robots, though, as well as a weird religion that probably is referencing catholicism and a decaying society with a shortage of pets. kind of a trip.

Wilder Girls by Rory Power: girls trapped in a boarding school on an isolated island must face a creeping rot that affects the animals and plants on the island as well as their own bodies. the protagonists will do anything to survive and keep each other safe. very tense (and bonus lesbian romance whoo)

The Fifth Season by N K Jemisin: three women are gifted with the ability to control the earth’s energy in a world where those who can do so are forced into hiding or slavery. some veryyyy dark choices here but lots of strong female characters.

Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters: two victorian lesbians fall in love as they plot to betray each other in horrific ways. lots of plot twists, plucky thieves, gothic settings, and a great romance.

Quo Vadis by Henryk Sienkiwicz: a powerful roman soldier in the time of Nero plots to kidnap a young woman after he falls in love with her, only to learn more about the mysterious christian religion she follows. very melodramatic but some terrific prose. 

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: a blind girl in France and a brilliant German boy recruited by the military struggle through the chaos of the second world war. ends with a bang (iykyk.) very sad, reads like poetry.

Boxers by Gene Luen Yang: graphic novel reveals the story of a young boy fighting in the boxer rebellion in early twentieth century china. the sequel, saints, is also excellent. beautifully and sympathetically shows the protagonist’s descent into evil- the reader really understands each step along the way.

Fantasy

Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake: three triplets separated at birth, each with their own magical powers, have to fight to the death to gain the throne. lots of fun honestly

Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: everyone in these books is highly problematic but you love them all anyway. a ragtag game of criminals plan a heist on a magical fortress. some terrific tragic back stories, repressed feelings, and revenge schemes.

The Dark Tower series by Stephen King: idk how to describe these frankly but if you can put up with King’s appalling writing of female characters they’re pretty interesting. fantasy epic about saving the world/universe, sort of. cowboys and prophecies and overlapping dimensions and drug addicts galore.

The Amulet of Samarkand by Jonathan Stroud: lots of fun! a twelve year old decides to summon a demon for his cute lil revenge scheme. sarcastic demon narrator. lighthearted until s*** gets real suddenly.

Elegy and Swansong by Vale Aida: fantasy epic with machiavellian lesbians and enemies to lovers to enemies to ??? to lovers. charming and exciting and lovely characters.

The False Prince by Jennifer Nielsen: an orphan boy must compete with a few others for the chance to impersonate a dead prince. really dark but very tense and exciting and good twists.

The Grace of Kings by Ken Liu: fantasy epic. heroes overthrow an evil empire and then struggle as the revolution dissolves into warring factions. interesting world building and three dimensional characters, even if they only have a small part.

Circe by Madeline Miller: the story behind the witch who turns men into pigs in the odyssey. madeline miller really said, i just used my classics degree to write a beautiful gay love story and now im going to write a powerful feminist retelling because i can. queen. an amazing and satisfying book that kills me a lil bit because of the two lines referencing the song of achilles.

Heartless by Marissa Meyer: the tragic backstory for the queen of hearts in alice in wonderland. a little predictable but very fun with a compelling protagonist

A Song of Ice and Fire (Game of Thrones) by George RR Martin: ok I know we all hate GRRM and rightfully so but admittedly these books do have some great characters and great scenes. they deserve better than GRRM though. also he will probably never finish the books anyway....

A Series of Unfortunate Events by Lemony Snicket: not really fantasy but not really anything else either. plucky, intelligent, and kind children fight off evil plots for thirteen books until suddenly you realize the world is not nearly as black and white as you thought. 

Classics

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier: gothic romance!! a new wife is curious about the mysterious death of her predecessor in a creepy old house in the British countryside...good twists and lovely prose.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles: not really morally ambiguous but one awful decision suddenly has awful consequences and certain people are haunted by guilt forever.... really really really beautiful and really really really sad. boys in a boarding school grow up together under the shadow of world war two.

Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy: while imperial russia slowly decays a beautiful young woman begins a destructive affair. a long book. very russian. the ending is incredibly tense and well written.

Lord of the Flies by William Golding: I think you know the plot to this one. the prose is better than you remember and the last scene is always exciting.

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: one by one, the guests on an island are slowly picked off. one of Christie’s darkest mysteries- no happy ending here! very tense and great twists.

Contemporary

The Secret History by Donna Tartt: inspired the whole dark academia aesthetic. college students get a little too into ancient greece and it does not end very well. lovely prose but I found the characters unlikable.

Honorable Mentions

The Dublin Saga by Edward Rutherford: has literally a billion protagonists, but some of them are morally ambiguous ig? follows a few families stories’ from the 400s ad to irish independence in the 20s. beautifully captures the weight and movement of irish history.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer: how morally ambiguous can you be if you’re, like, eleven? a lot if you’re a criminal genius who wants to kidnap a fairy for your evil-ish plan apparently!

Redemption by Leon Uris: literally my favorite novel ever. the sequel to Trinity but can stand alone. various irish families struggle through the horrors of world war one. the hero isn’t really morally ambiguous, but the main theme of the novel is extremely bad people suddenly questioning their choices and eventually redeeming themselves. sweeping themes of love, screwed up families, redemption, and patriotism.

The Lymond Chronicles and House of Niccolo by Dorothy Dunnett: heroes redeem themselves/try to get rich/try to save their country in early renaissance Europe. if I actually knew what happened in these books I'm sure it would be morally ambiguous but its too confusing for me. in each book you spend at least a third convinced the protagonist is evil, though. lots of exciting sword fights, tragic romances, plot twists, and kicking english butt.

Bonus: Protagonist is less morally ambiguous and more very screwed up and sad all the time

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt: you know this one bc its quoted in all those quote compilations. basically the story of how one horrible event traumatizes a young man and how he develops a connection to a painting. really really really good.

Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro: hard to describe but strange... not an action novel or a dystopia really but sort of along those lines. very hopeless.

[scullydubois]

thoughts on The Truth (9x19/20)

Written by Chris Carter     Directed by Kim Manners

WOOHOO LETS GO

Gasp...Mulder

Where they at

Up to his old clowny ways again

Do you think Scully emailed him and was like, yeah, so I put the baby up for adoption

Krycek? I thought you were dead boy

Nice one

Dun dun dun

“About my son...and his mother” looks like that email went to spam

He’s a guilty man….he failed in every respect

Ladies...ladies…

Who dafuq are Dana and Walter, who’s he talking to

This is some A+ brainwashing

Krycek wyd

Is Kersh actually being helpful

I’m having some thoughts…

UM

Is that allowed?

That went on for like...a long time

It IS a party, Mulder’s right

They got Knowle’s body? WTF

Alright so...I’m not actually mentally capable for handling this

Gillian is doing some A+ acting

This whole ‘our son’ thing...detrimental to my health

Let it be known that I’m having a straight up bad time

Her laugh after he said he was out looking for the truth...please kill me

“I can’t tell you” you’re really gonna do this...now..GTFO

“That doesn’t make sense” correct

They needed to give Skinner a reasonable part in the ep so he’s gonna be Mulder’s lawyer...I have to laugh

Mulder’s gonna lose…

They’re really throwing flashbacks in here...I don’t know if I like that or not

Hey Spender

Lol...so it’s not that Mulder isn’t guilty, it’s that a government conspiracy justifies his actions

The sheer amount of summarizing here makes me uncomfortable...I know it was probably good for those who watched the show over a span of 9 years, but I watched all of this in the past 6 months...I know

GIBSON COME THROUGH

Scully’s snapping on Mulder...thank you god

“I’d rather die, Scully” you’re literally dumb, Mulder

TBH it seems like Mulder as a character grew out of his whole “the truth before everything” mindset seasons ago, why are we reverting him back to it

This is actually infuriating

“It’s you and me, that’s what I’m fighting for, Mulder. You and me.” Deadass!

His face...he knows he done fucked up

Thanks, I hate it (it being that scene)

Mr. X???

How did this Native American kid get Doggett’s address

I mean...good but

Marita however you spell her last name?? Where the fuck did she go after season 7

I feel like she’s one of the most irrelevant recurring characters

Mulder! Stop being dumb!

This isn’t even clowny anymore...this is just straight up dumbass

Gibson is spilling the tea! He literally pointed to this guy and called him out for being a super soldier...zero fucks! He’s never let me down!

Mulder is fired up!

If a boy who could read minds couldn’t help, how are Doggett and Reyes?

Alright Reyes is going off...I love her

GOD...all of this would be solved if William hadn’t been put up for adoption...they literally COULD have a demonstration...he is their physical proof of the truth they’ve been searching for!! In more ways than one!!!!

So far in this episode...Reyes>>>Mulder

Lucky break that Doggett got the corpse sent to Quantico

Literally zero way of physically identifying that as Knowle!

Skinner’s like…’so this case is irrelevant because the victim isn’t dead, so jot that down���

Sorry but...I can’t take Scully seriously here...I wish I could...but he went “You’re in contempt” and she did that kid argument thing of going “No, YOU”RE in contempt!”

This is the saddest excuse of a trial I have ever seen

Verdict time!!

Guilty of first degree murder...imagine watching the pilot episode and finding out that Mulder gets convicted of murder in the final episode..WTF

This is such an L...for everyone involved (both fictionally and in reality)

Mulder’s really making a speech after being convicted for murder...PLEASE

His crime is in daring to believe!

Did y’all know that the truth is out there

This is so dramatic LMAO

Scully’s about to pick up the phone and they’re gonna be like ‘death penalty!’

OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT WAS A JOKE WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL

This is so fucking terrible but I’m actually laughing hysterically because I did not expect that, I was literally joking

They waited until there was a verdict to break him out, when they actually could have just done it the whole time

Like...if y’all were just gonna break him out the whole time, why did I have to watch the stupid summing up of the show via the trial

Alright...maybe Kersh has some rights

Canada sounds like a good idea

Or not, do whatever the fuck you want I guess, you’re already on the run for murder

BITCH why am I seeing an empty X-Files office...not allowed in any circumstances

Super soldier guy, fuck off

The Lone Gunmen deserved better

You already know I love a desert episode

Sometimes i wish Mulder would just chill

Doggett and Reyes are really out here in a helicopter

THIS IS LITERALLY THE FUNNIEST THING EVER I-

I’m sorry but I cannot take this seriously...I cannot cannot

Mulder just spill it

“You’re afraid to speak the truth.” You know what? CSM is right and he should say it

Always about magnetite

Welp, there’s Knowle 

She wants to hear it Mulder!!

THE TRUTH IS THAT ALIENS ARE GOING TO INVADE IN 2012????? LMAOOOOOOO

No wonder I actually didn’t have this part spoiled for me ahead of time

This did not age well, not one bit

We got multiple helicopters out here now

And magnetite takes care of another one

Run run run

How exactly did the helicopters lose them

BYE

What kind of dramatic ass shot...that’s the worse thing I’ve ever seen

Hold on...I’m shifting into tenderness mode

The parallel with the pilot...please excuse me while I shed some tears

I have zero fucking clue what they’re talking about though

“Chasing after monsters with a butterfly net”...I have to cry

Okay but what the hell was Mulder gonna do?? Not tell her that aliens are invading for the next decade??

This shit’s kinda breathtaking though

Truly unfortunate that she would do it all over again though...I wouldn't

“Then we believe the same thing” WE WON LADIES

You really had to just grab onto that fucking cross huh...okay

Oh yeah????

Alright I can die now

Jk there’s still another movie and 16 more episodes

Consensus: Kinda a hot mess. Definitely didn’t need to be as long as it was. Had some interesting parts and some extremely laughable parts. I’m glad there’s more now.

3.5 out of 5 stars

[uncloseted]

Back again with the costume designer talk -- Yes, I agree with the mischaracterization of all the characters in s6. It felt like last series' plots and endings had been thrown out the window. While watching s6, it felt like a different show all together. Everything that made every character unique was gone. Was there any reason as to why Edward was gone? Also, you stated that Matty likes Victorian and gothic culture. What are other characters' interests? I know Alo's are nature/punk; Rich: metal

Totally.  I think series 5 got a lot of backlash from older fans who no longer felt like the characters were relatable and were very vocal about that fact on Twitter, and so they decided to go completely in the opposite direction because maybe people would like that instead.  And I think that’s a real shame, because like I’ve said before, I think series 5 is some of the best, tightest writing that Skins ever did.  As far as Edward goes, I think he left to work on Secret Diary of a Call Girl. My impression is that he was trying to balance both jobs in 2010 and then felt like it was too much.  Katie Newham, who took over, was Edward’s assistant costumer, so I think he assumed that she would be able to just pick up where he left off, which ended up totally not being the case (and which is what makes me think she comes from a styling/costume construction background as opposed to a costume design one). 

Canonically in terms of interests, here’s what the characters like:

Franky likes “making stuff,” The Catcher in the Rye, The Little Prince, Clockwork Orange, Graphic Novels – Dark Knight, Manga - The Rose of Versailles, Arcade Fire, Burial, Crystal Castles, Nirvana, Corpse Bride, Seven Samurai, Let Me In, Bad Santa, Spirited Away, Vertigo, Harold Lloyd!,  Dexter, The Walking Dead, Battlestar Galactica, and taking photos.  

Alo likes his weed, his van, his dog, Youth in Revolt, The Dharma Bums, The Velveteen Rabbit, Blitzen Trapper, Wolf Parade, Dog is Dead, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zero's, Fruit Bats AND Filthy filthy filthy filthy filth. Borgore, Excision, DatSikk, Funtcase, 16 Bit, Into the Wild, Grizzly Man, Where the Wild Things Are, East of Eden, The Jungle Book, Backdoor Sluts 9, The Hangover, Ninja Warrior, Party Down. Summer Heights High. Babestation. South Park. Family Guy, Lookwell, porn, and Victorian porn.

Rich is mostly defined by what he doesn’t like: he doesn’t like pop music, Simon Cowell, beautiful people, Radio 1, ITV, rapping, beatboxing, middle-class wankers, racism, sexism, Death Cab For Cutie, The Smiths, religion, Downton Abby, Tracy Chevalier, nu-metal, Empire magazine, Kerrang (wankers), drum machines (except when carefully used in Grindcore or Cybergrind – see Cutting Pink With Knives and Noism), synthesizers, Beth Ditto, public displays of affection, the city centre at the weekend, trance, techno, house, dubstep or any music made by skinny white people with computers, Kanye West, JLS, any show about fucking cooking or cooks, townies, chavs, narcissistic politicians, teachers, the song ‘Wait and Bleed’, the second solo on ‘Master Of Puppets’, artichokes, JK Rowling, any film or tv show with fucking vampires or zombies made after 1986, Glee, Glee, Glee, Glee, Glee, Glee, Glee. He does like metal (”ugly, angry music which you’d probably hate because you don’t understand it”), Atlas Shrugged, American Psycho, The Illuminatus Trilogy, Slayer, Napalm Death, Black Sabbath, Raging Speedhorn, Noism, Atari Teenage Riot, Venetian Snares, Behold The Arctopus, Godflesh, Cathedral, Sleep, Sepultura, Pantera, Soul Fly, Slipknot (2nd album only), PPK, Anal Cunt, Pig Destroyer, Jesu, Sunn 0))), James Plotkin, Earth, Brain Donor, Chrome Hoof, Hair Police, Mayhem, Wolves In The Throne Room, Burzum, Wolf Eyes, Ec8or, Dark City, Split Second, Blade Runner, Near Dark, Braindead, Halloween, The Thing, The Fly, and Alien.

Mini likes “Shopping. Shoes. Sushi. Sex. (”yes, always in that order.”) Sour apple martinis, putting effort into her appearance, Diana, Princess of Wales, Marilyn Monroe, Madonna, yoga, Pilates, fashion, fragrances, dubstep, Katy Perry, Harry Potter, Twilight, Dreamgirls, Grease, Dirty Dancing, Pretty Woman, The Hot Chick, Legally Blonde, Clueless, Mean Girls, Crossroads, Inbetweeners, Misfits, Come Dine With Me, Party Wars, True Blood, Gossip Girl, 90210, The Hills, and ANTM.

Liv likes dancing, HST, Philip K Dick, The Animals of Farthing Wood, Only Forward, Dubstep, Hard DnB, Die Antwoord, Kids, A Scanner Darkly, Dazed and Confused, Bright Young Things, Anchorman, Blades of Glory, The Other Guys, anything in which Mel Gibson dies, Banged Up Abroad, BSG, Firefly, South Park, Twin Peaks, Hollyoaks, The Gilmore Girls. 

Nick likes Rugby, Sex, Winning, Drinking, being awesome, “all sorts” of music, R’n’B, Mumford and Sons, Rocky, Bourne, Borat, and anything with action or the funny, Sport and Friday Night Lights.

Matty likes absurdity, Friedrich Nietzsche, William S. Burroughs, Clive Barker, Hakim Bey, Splatterpunk, Maurice G. Dantec, Anton LaVey, Robert Walser, H.P. Lovecraft, Antonin Artaud, Raymond Abellio, The Art of War, everything Edgar Allen Poe would have listened to if the synthesizer was created before 1964, David Lynch, My Own Private Idaho, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, and Shortbus.

Grace likes so many things. Jane Austen, ballet, theater, lucid dreaming, not having to wear a school uniform, collecting pennies, making wishes on things, animals, vanilla ice cream, The Big Book of Fairytales, Sense and Sensibility, Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Northanger Abby, Mansfield Park, Persuasion, Emma, Lolita, Jane Eyre, Little Women, Ballet Shoes, Alice Through the Looking Glass, Great Expectations, Tess of The D’Urbervilles, A Little Princess, The Secret Garden, Tom’s Midnight Garden. The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe, The Wizard of Oz, Tales From The Brothers Grimm, Matilda, Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, A Midsummer Night's Dream, Romeo and Juliet, Much Ado About Nothing, Death of a Salesman, Cyrano de Bergerac, Macbeth, Cat On A Hot Tin Roof, A Streetcar Named Desire, Cymbeline, Twelfth Night, The Tempest, The Winter's Tale, music that moves her, Casablanca. Sabrina. 42nd Street. Meet Me In St. Louis. A Star Is Born. The Wizard of Oz. An American In Paris. Mary Poppins. The Sound of Music. Annie. Singing In The Rain. Top Hat. The Gay Divorce. My Fair Lady. West Side Story. The Red Shoes. Grease. Fame. Dirty Dancing. Moulin Rouge. Chicago. Cleopatra. The Philadelphia Story. The Shop Around The Corner. An Affair To Remember. Some Like It Hot. Roman Holiday. Meet John Doe. La Belle Et La Bete. Breakfast At Tiffany’s. Romeo and Juliet. Disney films, Jeeves and Wooster. The One Show. Strictly Come Dancing. Anything on the Disney Channel. So You Think You Can Dance. Downton Abbey. Agatha Christie’s Poirot. The Forsythe Saga. Any Human Heart. Upstairs, Downstairs.

[crescentmoon223]

Two Worlds Collide Chapter 16

Read it on AO3 | Rated: NC-17 | Stella x Scully 

Chapter 16

CW: references to child abuse

(read it from the beginning here)

Stella was sure she’d paced a groove into the floor of the cabin by the time she heard the car pulling into the driveway. She’d sat with her laptop for an hour or so, catching up on work, but after Scully’s tearful call from the bathroom of her son’s birthday party, she’d more or less done nothing but wander about the cabin, fidgeting endlessly with her phone to be sure she didn’t miss a call or text. None came, which she hoped was a good sign.

As Scully parked outside, Stella steadied herself, fussing with her hair and smoothing out her blouse. Scully walked through the door, red hair cascading over her shoulders, so beautiful that Stella forgot whatever she’d planned to say.

Scully gave her a shaky smile, and then she was in Stella’s arms, her tears giving way to great soul-shattering sobs that tore at the fibers of Stella’s heart. She held on to her, stroking her back, her hair, her cheeks, as Scully released all the emotions she’d held inside during the party. She cried until the shoulder of Stella’s shirt was saturated with her tears, until her eyes were red and swollen, until finally she just held on to Stella, breathing against her neck, chest spasming from the intensity of her tears.

“It’s okay,” Stella murmured, kissing the tears from her cheeks. “I’ve got you.”

“He…I…” Scully shook her head against Stella’s shoulder, still unable to speak. After a minute, she reached into the back pocket of her jeans and pulled out her phone, showing Stella a smiling photo of herself with a boy that was so unmistakably her son, Stella herself gasped.

“Oh, Dana.” She wiped fresh tears from Scully’s cheeks as they both stared at the photo.

“I know.” She touched the photo with her finger as if remembering the moment. “I still can’t quite believe it happened.”

Stella guided her to the couch, and they sat. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She nodded, a smile tugging at her lips as she swiped a hand over her eyes. “It was hard, so hard, but…oh, Stella, he’s such a great kid.”

“Well, of course he is.”

Scully blew out several long, slow breaths, composing herself. “It was a little awkward at first—Will even said so—but overall I don’t think it could have possibly gone any better. The Van De Kamps were very gracious about the whole thing, and Will seemed happy to meet us.”

“I’m so glad.” Stella rested a hand on Scully’s thigh as she swiped through photos on her phone, showing Stella pictures of Will blowing out the candles on his cake and playing baseball with Mulder. “It’s really good that he came,” she commented as Scully showed her a picture of Mulder with his hands over Will’s, showing him how to grip the bat.

Scully nodded. “This was a really big deal for him. You know, he only got to spend two days with William after he was born before he had to go into hiding. So, I can only imagine what it meant for him to get to teach his son how to bat.”

Scully relaxed into the couch, eyes closed, head against Stella’s shoulder, looking wrung out but peaceful. “I told him about you,” she said after a minute, smiling without opening her eyes.

“Mulder?” Stella felt an uncomfortable pinch in her chest. She’d tried hard all afternoon not to let herself think about Scully and Mulder together with their son, bonding, reminiscing, sharing so many important memories and making new ones. Perhaps this experience would bring them back together. Perhaps it should. Perhaps Stella was driving a wedge between them just by being here.

Scully nodded. “He was surprised, to say the least.”

“I’m sorry,” Stella murmured.

“For what?” Scully gave her a quizzical look from beneath puffy eyelids.

“For coming between you today. You should probably be with him right now.”

“I’m right where I want to be.” Scully lifted her head to place a tender kiss on Stella’s cheek. “He asked me to get a drink with him afterward, and that felt wrong, but I think I’ll see if he’d like to get coffee tomorrow, if he’s still around. We should probably talk about everything that happened today.”

Something cold washed over Stella, and suddenly she was the one who wanted to cry. “Everything that happened?”

“The party,” Scully clarified. “Seeing our son. It was a lot to process, and he’s doing it alone.”

Stella was quiet, trapped in her own discomfort with the situation, not sure what to say.

Scully snuggled closer against her. “Seeing him today only reinforced that I’m not in love with him anymore, in case you were worried about that.”

“I wasn’t worried,” Stella said, hating that she’d been so transparent.

“He’s like family. I care about him…a lot, and he’ll always be a part of my life in some way. But I don’t want to kiss anyone but you.” She turned her face toward Stella’s, bringing their lips together. Scully slid into her lap, straddling Stella’s thighs as she kissed her properly. “I don’t think I could have made it through today without you.”

“Yes, you could. You would have.” Stella gripped Scully’s hips, drawing her closer, pressing their bodies together.

“But I’m so glad I didn’t have to.” Scully looked down at her, eyes brimming with emotion and affection, everything Stella had never wanted and was now terrified she couldn’t live without. “Stella, I—”

“Shh.” She closed her lips over Scully’s, swallowing the words she was afraid to hear, turning them into fuel for the fire burning between them. She pushed Scully flat on the couch and showed her how much she meant to her, and then she melted into the cushions beneath her as Scully returned the favor, putting that wickedly talented tongue to good use.

Afterward, they worked together in the kitchen, making a pizza with the frozen dough Stella had picked up at the grocery store yesterday. They took their supper onto the back deck with a bottle of wine and sat on the cushioned lounge chairs there to watch night fall over the forest.

“I guess there’s a certain charm to being out here in the woods,” Stella said, plucking at a strand of cheese that dangled from her pizza slice.

“Can’t do this in a hotel.” Scully looked up at the patch of sky visible through the branches overhead.

Stella opened her mouth to make a retort about room service but changed her mind. “No, you can’t.”

“Those years when I lived in that house in the middle of nowhere with Mulder…I got to a point where I hated it. I hated it so much, I couldn’t remember the things I had loved about it when we first moved in. Like this.” She stretched out in her chair, feet crossed in front of her.

“I’ve never lived outside the city,” Stella confessed.

“Really?” Scully turned her head to look at her. “Then I’m extra glad I insisted on the cabin.”

“You’re indoctrinating me into nature.”

Scully looked at her, eyes glowing with the reflection of the sunset overhead. “I’m going to indoctrinate you into all kinds of things.”

And that was exactly what Stella was afraid of.

***

Scully was so tired she might fall asleep right here in her lounge chair behind the cabin. It was the dizzying kind of exhaustion that came after an emotionally draining day, but there was a sense of peace in her soul now, a calmness where before there had been so much turmoil and unrest.

“I’ve never seen so many stars before,” Stella said softly from beside her.

Scully stared at the swath of sky visible through the canopy of trees overhead. “I wish we could see more of the sky from here. I bet we’d be able to see the Milky Way. It would blow your mind.”

“You already blew my mind.” Stella gave her a suggestive look, keeping the tone between them light. “But yes, I suppose it would be nice to see the Milky Way.”

“I’m sure we could see it from the beach,” Scully said, burrowing deeper beneath the blanket Stella had draped over her. “But I’m too tired to move. Let’s walk down tomorrow night.”

“Is it safe to walk down that path at night?”

“Detective Superintendent Gibson, are you afraid of bears?” Scully asked teasingly.

“I’m not keen on becoming supper for any of the beasts of the forest, no,” she said. “And neither of us is armed this weekend.”

“I’m not sure a handgun would stop a grizzly bear anyway.” Scully laughed softly at the alarmed look Stella tossed in her direction. “I think you need a rifle.”

“Fuck off,” Stella said. “You’re just trying to scare me.”

“No, I’m not. Google it.”

“You know what, on second thought, we can see plenty of stars right here.”

“We could stop in town for bear spray tomorrow, if it makes you feel better.”

“Bear spray?” Stella’s voice rose comically.

“The smell is supposed to repel them.”

“Sounds lovely.” Stella turned her gaze toward the sky.

“Stella for star,” Scully whispered, and beside her, Stella stiffened, her body suddenly carved from granite, a layer of ice over her gaze. The teasing air between them evaporated into the cool night air. Scully reached for her hand, not quite sure what had happened. “Sorry.”

“It’s all right,” Stella responded, her tone distant. “I just…I don’t like it.”

Stella for star. That’s what had upset her?

Scully was silent for a moment, mind spinning as she tried to imagine what the significance might be, already knowing she wouldn’t like the answer. She also knew that if she didn’t push, Stella wouldn’t elaborate, and Scully had shared so many painful things with her, had let Stella hold and comfort her through one of the toughest days of her life, and maybe it was time for Stella to share something in return.

“Who called you that before me?” she asked, taking the risk and hoping it paid off.

“Paul Spector.”

That fucker. Scully reached for Stella’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “And before him?”

Stella was quiet for so long Scully had decided she wasn’t going to answer, so long she wondered whether she’d been wrong in her assumption or whether Stella simply wasn’t ready or able to tell her. Her hand slipped from Scully’s, disappearing beneath the blanket as she tucked her chin, eyes locked stubbornly on the stars above. “My stepfather.”

“Oh,” Scully breathed. Oh. Damn. Fuck. Oh Stella… For a moment, she wished she hadn’t pushed for the answer, and then she hated Stella’s stepfather for what he’d done, and then she just wanted to hold her. Scully rolled onto her side, reaching for Stella, but she pushed her away, body rigid against her touch. “Stella, I am so sorry.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I know.” She brushed away fresh tears. “I just…can I hold you?”

Stella was silent, but she slid sideways in her chair just slightly, making room for Scully to crawl in beside her, and she did. She tucked herself beneath Stella’s blanket, arms wrapped around her, nose against Stella’s neck, breathing in her scent.

They lay like that for a long time as the forest creaked and rustled around them. Stella gradually softened against her, relaxing into her embrace, accepting her touch and trusting her not to push farther into places Stella didn’t want to revisit. Scully knew that Stella didn’t give this kind of trust easily—if ever—and she was overwhelmed by the power of it.

She loved Stella so much. If this trip had taught her anything, it was that family took many shapes and forms—as did love—and she wanted to celebrate all of it. Sometime before they flew back to London on Monday, Scully was going to find the perfect moment to tell Stella how she felt. Lying there, wrapped in Stella’s arms beneath a blanket of stars, she wondered if there would be a better moment than this one. “Stella…”

As if she’d read Scully’s mind, Stella seamlessly changed topics, tugging at Scully’s hand. “Come on. Let’s go inside.”

“But I’m so tired,” she protested, squeezing her eyes shut.

“You got me to stay in a cabin, but there’s no way I’m sleeping outside with the bears.” Stella stood, lifting the blanket so that cold night air greeted Scully’s previously cozy warm skin.

She started to grumble, but she was so glad to hear the teasing tone back in Stella’s voice that she held it in. “Okay.”

They went inside, bringing the remains of their dinner with them. They were quiet as they got ready for bed, but it was a comfortable silence, punctuated by affectionate glances and bodies touching as they moved around each other in the bathroom. When they slid into bed beside each other, Scully leaned in for a kiss, pressing a hand over Stella’s newly mended ribs, wishing she could heal the rest of her as easily.

“Did he go to prison?” Scully asked softly.

Stella’s breath hitched beneath her palm. She turned her face toward the wall, but she didn’t pull away. “No, but I caught a lot of others.”

Scully thought of the little girl in the dumpster fourteen years ago, the way Stella had come to her hotel room that night, the haunted look in her eyes and her unflinching determination to put the girl’s stepfather behind bars. Now, Scully understood. She wrapped her arms around Stella, nestling her face into the soft depths of Stella’s hair, waiting for her to settle again the way she’d done outside.

Finally, Stella rolled toward her, pressing her lips to Scully’s in the dark. They held on to each other for a long time, just breathing in the unspoken love and trust between them. Scully had never felt closer to anyone in her whole life.

“Thank you,” she whispered as her eyes drifted shut, leaving the interpretation of that up to Stella, but any way she took it wouldn’t be wrong, because Scully was grateful for every moment that had transpired between them.

That night, she slept deeper than she had in days, anchored by the woman beside her. She woke the next morning with her heart comfortably full of memories she’d made yesterday with William and a newfound sense of intimacy with Stella. The bed was empty, and the smell of coffee drifted from the kitchen.

Scully reached for her phone, tabbing through the photos she’d taken at Will’s party, pausing on the picture of them together. Will knew her now. She’d spoken to him and hugged him and watched him blow out the candles on his birthday cake. Once she was back in London, she’d write a letter to the Van De Kamps, properly expressing her gratitude.

With a happy sigh, she got up and went into the bathroom, wrapping her lavender robe around herself before she went in search of Stella. She found her in the living room in her own robe, typing away at her laptop, probably solving a murder case from four thousand miles away.

“Morning,” Scully said.

Stella looked up at her with a smile. “Good morning.”

“Ready for our nature day?” she asked, purposefully needling her, hoping to put to rest any residual discomfort Stella might harbor about the things she’d shared last night.

Stella arched an eyebrow as she returned her gaze to her laptop. “You go ahead. I’ll catch up.”

“As if I’d let you off that easily.” She sat on the couch beside her, eyeing the Metropolitan police logo on her screen. “All work and no play…”

“Piss off,” Stella said. “I have to catch up on some paperwork.”

“Okay, you do that while I cook us breakfast, because we’re going to need fuel in our bellies for hiking.”

Stella slid her hungry gaze over Scully’s robe. “I can think of better ways to burn that fuel.”

“We’ll do that too…later.” Scully stood before Stella was able to successfully distract her and walked into the kitchen. “Omelet sound good?”

Stella nodded, returning her concentration to her laptop while Scully busied herself at the stove, whipping up two omelets with cheese and spinach, lots of protein for all their upcoming activities—both indoor and out. They ate together at the kitchen table before Stella wandered into the bedroom to get dressed while Scully cleaned up in the kitchen.

A few minutes later, Stella walked back into the living room. Scully’s mouth fell open, and she pressed a hand over it to stifle a giggle. Stella had on crisp gray athletic pants with zippered pockets over her thighs and a black button-down shirt tucked into her pants that looked like…was that flannel? She’d finished it all off with black leather hiking boots.

Scully crossed the room and rubbed a hand over Stella’s shoulder. Yep, flannel. “Wow, Stella. This is a look.”

Stella fluffed her hair, looking down her nose at Scully as if the boots gave her an extra six inches, instead of one. “Isn’t this what one wears to go hiking?”

“We’ll call it hiking couture.” She grinned, still stroking Stella’s flannel-clad shoulder.

Stella gave her an exasperated look. “For fuck’s sake.”

Scully laughed all the way into the bedroom, calling over her shoulder as she began looking around for her own hiking clothes, “But really…flannel?”

“It’s a cotton weave,” Stella shot back. “Would you prefer I hiked in silk?”

“No, no. I like the flannel.”

***

Stella wasn’t built for hiking. Her feet hurt from the unfamiliar boots, and her shoulders ached from the backpack, not to mention the sweat trickling down her spine. Beside her, Scully’s ponytail bounced against her neck as she chattered happily about the things they’d seen so far.

Trees and rocks. So many fucking trees and rocks.

Stella would have been perfectly content to see them in photos, but she was trying her hardest to be a good sport for Scully’s sake. Holding in a sigh, she swiped at her brow. She’d long since removed the shirt that Scully had found so amusing, now wearing only a form-fitting black tee tucked neatly into her pants.

“I think this is it,” Scully announced, leading the way around a bend in the trail. “Just up here.”

Stella scrambled over several more rocks, following her, and then they were standing at the summit. Before them, the trail ended in a panoramic overlook, revealing immense peaks with sheer rocky races and their lake glittering in the valley below.

“Wow,” Scully breathed, sliding her hand into Stella’s.

Even Stella, sweaty and irritable as she was, had to admit the view was breathtaking. Especially when it included the woman beside her, hair gleaming ruby-red in the sunlight, cheeks flushed from exertion, satisfied smile on her face as she took in their surroundings.

“Perfect spot for a picnic, isn’t it?” Scully slipped off her backpack, unzipped it, and pulled out a blue-checked blanket, which she spread over the ground before them.

“Yes.” Stella sat beside her.

Scully reached for her backpack to begin laying out their food, but Stella was faster, pressing her down to the blanket as she climbed on top of her, hips straddling Scully’s. “I worked up quite an appetite during our hike.”

“Did you?” Scully cocked her head, seamlessly following Stella’s change of topic. “Must have been the heat from all that flannel.”

“It’s cotton, and I do wear it on occasion.” She rolled her hips against Scully’s, causing her to suck her bottom lip between her teeth, hands going to her hair as she looked up at Stella.

“I think this Wyoming air has gone to your head,” Scully teased, arching her back, nipples hard beneath her shirt, blue eyes sparking with mischief.

“That’s entirely possible.” Stella kept moving, rocking their hips together, teasing them both as she tossed her head back, sucking in more of that mountain air. It smelled like earth and wildflowers, sounded like the wind through Scully’s red hair and the whisper of her breath in Stella’s ear right before she came. It felt heady and intoxicating, almost like a drug.

She reached between them, unbuttoning Scully’s jeans. Scully lifted her hips cooperatively, helping Stella tug them down. She slipped her hand inside Scully’s underwear, finding her already wet. “Guess you worked up an appetite too,” she said as she brought her lips against Scully’s, claiming her mouth as her fingers claimed her pussy.

“Mm,” Scully moaned into her mouth, hips moving against Stella’s hand. “Always hungry for you. Always.”

“I thought so.” She fucked Scully hard and fast, and as she cried her release into the mountaintops, Stella lost her breath at the sight. “So beautiful,” she whispered.

“So are you,” Scully countered, rising onto her knees as she rolled Stella to the blanket. “Your eyes are the color of the sky, and your hair…when the breeze blows through it, it’s like spun gold.” Her hands worked open Stella’s pants, pushing them down her hips. “I love when you’re not wearing makeup, and I can see all your freckles.” She kissed her way over Stella’s chest. “Even more beautiful in the sunshine.”

Stella closed her eyes, putty beneath Scully’s eager fingers, heart racing, body burning, ears buzzing at the word “love” on Scully’s lips.

“I love the way you look when you’re this turned on,” Scully whispered as she pushed two fingers inside her, making Stella gasp. “Your cheeks are flushed, and there’s this look in your eyes that’s almost…feral. It’s hot.”

Stella opened her eyes, meeting Scully’s gaze. Right now, she felt feral, lust and need sweeping through her veins, throbbing in her core as Scully fucked her.

“I love the sounds you make when you’re about to come.” Scully arched her fingers, hitting Stella’s G-spot as her palm pressed perfectly against Stella’s clit.

She gasped, hips grinding against Scully’s hand, moaning as the energy built inside her, lighting her up as brightly as the sun blazing overhead before shattering her into a million blissful pieces in Scully’s arms. “Fuck,” she panted as sparks of pleasure burned through her blood, making her tremble.

Scully leaned down and kissed her. “I love you, Stella.”

“Fuck,” she whispered against her lips, still buzzing with pleasure as tears leaked from her eyes, rolling into her hair. “Dana…”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Scully kissed her again, hard and fierce. “I just needed you to know.”

She pulled Scully against her, foreheads pressed together, lips seeking, bodies touching everywhere. She’d been running from those words all weekend, and now that Scully had said them, Stella felt like she’d been filled with sunshine, hot and bright, as wonderful as it was terrifying. Her hands shook as she cupped Scully’s face between her palms. “I love you too.”

As soon as the words were out, she wanted them back. They left her feeling vulnerable and exposed, an intensely uncomfortable sensation. But then she looked into Scully’s eyes. She saw the surprise, the joy, the adoration there, and a sense of peace settled over her. Stella loved so rarely, maybe it was okay to acknowledge on occasion. Surely Scully deserved this moment. It didn’t have to change anything between them once they went home.

“Oh, Stella.” Scully was crying now too. They were both crying, kissing, tears mingling on their faces, salt on their tongues and love in their hearts.

“I don’t know what to do about it,” Stella whispered, heart pounding against Scully’s chest, skin prickling as if it had grown too tight for her body.

Scully gave her a smile, so beautiful and pure Stella melted beneath its power. “Just feel it. That’s all.”

[behind-the-screen-of-bangtan]

Words to make you think

This post is part of the TSU. It belongs to the third part: Socio-political reflection.

There will be several parts in this post:

Citations in the videos

In the lyrics

Concepts based on philosophy/psychology

BTS’ discography through a Jungian perspective

Citations in the videos

We’ll start with what’s mainly a list of the quotes then we’ll interpret their purpose. Some citations may not feel that philosophical but as they can be interpreted the same way, they were included here nonetheless.

BTS introduced us to philosophy, and then to psychology, quite progressively. As it started in the background, it’s hard to be sure whether I caught them all or not but the earliest occurrence I have is in “Boy In Luv” Japanese version MV:

“One original thought is worth a thousand mindless quotings, Diogenes”

Despite the signature, it seems this quote is not from Diogenes himself but was rather attributed to him by William Safire in a New York Times article from the 7 April 1996 and titled “ON LANGUAGE; Worth a Thousand Words” -  the article itself is explaining the real origin of some expressions. It was later used by Banksy for one of his works - and it’s probably this one that inspired Big Hit’s artistic directors.

It’s funny to start a post about philosophical references with a fake quote. Let’s say it’s a reminder to be careful with what you say and to not blindly believe what you read.

The sentence was written on the blackboard. You can also find a verse from the Bible’s proverbs not too far away:

“Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.”

Now let’s be honest, it’s impossible to read these in the MV (I found them thanks to a making-of video). As for their link with “Boy In Luv” (lyrics of the Japanese version here), it seems hard to establish. “Boy In Luv” tells the story of a boy struggling to confess his love for a girl and waiting eagerly for an answer. An overinterpretation of the quotes could be that the boy needs to find how to confess by himself (in opposition to the “Dad how did you confess your love to mom?” from the lyrics) and that a gesture would mean more than a verbal confession, or that he must choose his words wisely to not lose his chance with the girl.

The next ones are more known in the fandom since they appeared during The Most Beautiful Moment in Life. It’s words related to the concept of the series, namely the brevity of life, the death of innocence and childhood, and the cruelty of the world:

“Paradise is where I am” - Voltaire in “Le Mondain”

“Dedicated to all the boys who have lived in this painful world”

“Too fast to live too young to die”

“Without soul goal and **** We are nothin but a mannequin”

"You must live on"

“YOLO” / “you only live once”

“Youth is never coming back”

“Pain past is pleasure”

There’s also a series of Latin citations that appeared in “RUN” Japanese version:

“Carpe Diem”           (Seize the day) “Dum Spiro Spero”   (While I breath I hope) “Memento mori”        (Remember that you have to die) “Pro Memoria”          (For memory) “res, non verba”        (Facts instead of words) “Viva”                        (Alive/Living or Long live…!)

Some of those expressions made their comeback during the WINGS series, along with new ones:

“Man muss noch Chaos in sich haben, um einen tanzenden Stern gebären zu können” (One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.)

A citation from Nietzsche’s Thus Spoke Zarathustra. And:

“You oldest fears are the worst ones”

“Expiring for love is beautiful but stupid”

“Fear is the most elegant weapon Your hands are never messy Threatning bodily is rude” (original typo)

Different sentences from Jenny Holzer.

These citations are once again fitting with the concepts for WINGS and The Wings Tour, that is to say, temptation and the fear of becoming an adult.

For details about where all those can be found in BTS’ works and their origins, I’ll let you refer to the glossary. Most of them don’t have a real author and some may even have been created by the artistic direction team.

Agust D’s album cover had citations over Suga’s face:

“You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say. ‘That’s the bad guy’.” said by Tony Montana (Robert de Niro), the main character in Brian de Palma’s movie Scarface.

“Life is a daily oscillation between revolt and submission” by Henri Frederic Amiel, a Swiss philosopher.

“Life is ecstasy”

“Every man dies, but not every man lives.” pronounced by William Wallace (Mel Gibson) in the movie Braveheart.

Again they go with the theme of the mixtape.

We even got a surprise during the 2017/2018 ceremonies. A citation from Gilles Deleuze could be seen in the background during the “Mic Drop” performance at the 2018 Seoul Music Awards. There was also a lobster during the Golden Disc that connects with it. I’ll let you refer to the glossary for details but here’s the quote, from A Thousand Plateaus:

“Nor can the status of social formations be analyzed by throwing some signifier into the base, or vice versa, or a bit of phallus or castration into political economy, or a bit of economics or politics into psychoanalysis. There is a third problem. It is difficult to elucidate the system of the strata without seeming to introduce a kind of cosmic or even spiritual evolution from one to the other, as if they were arranged in stages and ascended degrees of perfection.”

I won’t pretend I understand everything but I still feel it’s the less pertinent quote until now. It’s an analysis of the world on a binary base which doesn’t really connect with the boys’ success that’s celebrated in “Mic Drop”. 

The last quotes up to this day are in Persona’s comeback trailer. They’re from Carl Jung, the psychologist who inspired the series:

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.

The dream is the small hidden door in the deepest and most intimate sanctum of the soul, which opens up to that primeval cosmic night that was the soul long before there was the conscious ego.

As expected, they relate to the lyrics of “Intro: Persona” that wonder about one’s own identity and the dream theme linked to the album.

Even though they are mostly related to the concept of the series, we can wonder whether these words are intended to be seen by fans or just serve as a Lorem Ipsum to fill the background. Indeed, you’ll need to pause the videos to read most of them and sometimes even more effort will be needed - for example, Holzer’s quotes are written backward when they appear behind Jungkook. 

(This also applies to most of the literature references, they’re relevant for the concept but quite hard to catch.)

It’s like background noise. But a background noise that you can take the time to listen to in order to understand the whole concept even better. There’s one thing however that seems recurrent between those quotes and it’s their negativity. Of course, most of BTS’ concepts are dark so it’s fitting but they also usually have their bit of hope: youth is painful but it’s the most beautiful moment in life. Or then again, we can overinterpret and consider that while the world is dark, it’s the boys themselves who bring hopefulness.

In the lyrics

Obviously, all of BTS’ lyrics are quite philosophical, be it when they question their feelings, the meaning of life or the way society works. And I’m not even talking about the puns.

One notable line though is in RM’s “God Rap” when he explicitly talks about Buddhism, as explained by Muish here:

Foolish believers, you can become a god as well

It references the fact anyone reaching enlightenment can become a godly being.

The next ones appear in the Love Yourself series. First, we have “Magic Shop” (Muish’s rambling), a song dedicated to ARMY and written by Jungkook. The concept of the magic shop is detailed below. Here, it’s like an IRL version. The fear they exchanged is the hate they received before and the positive attitude they gained is ARMY. And they wish us the same:

You gave me the best of me So you’ll give you the best of you

Since the magic shop is a mental exercise, you’ll find it in your heart.

There’s also something in “134340” and “Answer: Love Myself”. Their lyrics can be connected to what Jung defined as a complex: a constellation of elements that when they’re activated can influence our will (more details can be found here). Those elements are usually past trauma or similar events.

So when they say in “Answer: Love Myself”:

Under your mask When even the scars left from my mistakes Are all my constellations

The constellations that emerged from mistakes can be seen as a complex.

As for “134340″ (lyrics), the whole song can be interpreted as a rejected complex. “134340″ is initially about Pluto not being considered as a planet anymore and thus feeling lonely. It’s similar to what happens to complexes. Normally they’re in the unconscious but once they’re activated, they can reach the consciousness, like the sun in the lyrics:

At one time, belonging to the sun’s world

But once the ego has dealt with the complex, it is sent back into the unconscious, where it just float around aimlessly like Pluto:

All I’m doing is circling around (Beyond the fog, I watch over the you who is still smiling Without you and without meaning, the reality of my irregular orbit) All I’m doing is spinning around aimlessly (Pluto in the darkness with a number that’s difficult for you to remember But even then, I’d continue to circle around your surroundings, damn)

To relate to the concept of Tear, let’s add the fact that complexes have personalities. They’re usually weaker than the personality of the ego (which is our personality; in the case they’re as strong, we observe multiple personalities disorders).

The whole concept of Tear is faking yourself to the point it’s unbearably painful. It’s like the boy rejected his own personality to the point it became a complex instead of his own ego and now it’s exiled in his subconscious. Luckily, he will accept it in Love Yourself 結 Answer. Concerning the reason why such a thing would happen, we have to remember the ego is directly under the influence of the persona (so how we behave in society). So to fit in the world, the ego changed itself.

Concepts based on philosophy/psychology

Until now, it’s safe to assume all the quotes in the videos were decisions from the artistic team only. It all changed with the Love Yourself series.

Not only its main reference is The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm, but the whole series is constructed as a reflection based on the 起承轉結 structure and it also references the magic shop technique. Philosophy is central in this concept and not only the artistic directors but also Bang PD and the boys are participating in developing it.

The Art of Loving explains love is like an art and you must work on it to develop it. Love has several forms, including self-love, but true love is rare nowadays. People tend to compensate for the lack of love with consumerism.

The Chinese structure has an introduction, two parts considering the subject from two different points of view and a conclusion.

The magic shop refers to a psychodramatic scene performed during therapy by the patients and the therapist. In the magic shop, it’s possible to exchange whatever you want against a certain price. However, the real strength of this technique is in the bargain preceding the exchange. The shopkeeper (either the therapist or another patient) will question the reasons motivating the exchange and through their answers, the patient often realizes their initial wish was hiding another desire they hadn’t identified. You can refer to this paper by Professor Earl Koile for examples.

In Love Yourself, Euphoria shows that the introduction is actually The Most Beautiful Moment in Life. It’s the initial situation. As we saw in The universal coming-of-age story, the boys struggled with accepting the outside world and still had to find how to be happy.

The two development parts of the reasoning are the bargain inside the magic shop - note that all the what-if considered during this bargain also exist in the BU thanks to the time travel.

The exchange the boys want to make is revealed in ”FAKE LOVE” first teaser:

'Magic Shop' is a psychodramatic technique that exchanges fear for a positive attitude.

We also see in the video that what they understand by fear is their traumatic past and that “a positive attitude” is being with a girl (several interpretations can be made as to what the girls represent).

The bargain begins in Her and the boys explain how being with a girl will bring them happiness because it’s destiny (see notably “Serendipity”’s and “DNA”’s lyrics).

The teaser revealed during the 2017 KBS Gayo Daechukje can be considered as the shopkeeper’ answer:

“The magical time is coming. Come to the Magic Shop. Now, take off your mask and open your eyes.”

The boys are asked to take off the mask “destiny” had put on them, the one that makes them smile because they’re with a girl.

We see the result in Tear. They’ve been denaturing themselves to the point they literally ask “who are you?” in “FAKE LOVE”. Being with a girl actually doesn’t bring them happiness and they’re just forcing themselves to fit the situation “because it’s destiny”.

The conclusion happens when the boys realize what they really want is not “a positive attitude” as decided by some abstract authority but to be happy by themselves and for themselves. Thus “Answer: Love Myself”. This whole reflection proves the ideas developed in The Art of Loving: the boys had to do a lot of mental work to reach true love, they all had different relationships with the girls and with themselves, and they had to work on it themselves and not just wait for someone else to bring them joy.

As the 起承轉結 structure is for a written work and the magic shop technique is a purely mental exercise, we can assume no one was really hurt in the process - no girls were involved and the boys didn’t denature themselves. Again this idea is made possible in the BU through time travel - but since it’s the BU, there are still people who are hurt, sadly.

However, the VCRs shown during the performances at the 2018 year-end ceremonies imply there was someone who helped them and that they want to help back:

“Fake Love Take off the mask and face yourself I can be your hero”

(2018 MMA)

“I didn't know what power/love is but you taught me how to use power/love”

(2018 MAMA in Japan)

“You gave me power. You gave me love So now I'm a hero So now I'm a boy with love I'll show you the map of the soul I'll show you the dream”

(2018 MAMA in Hong-Kong)

It’s hard to tell who is that “you”. It can be the girl from the Love Yourself reflection but it can also be ARMY since we’re the subject of the next album, Map of the Soul Persona. Something that should be considered here too is that these VCRs were shown with songs from Tear (”FAKE LOVE”, “Airplane Pt.2″, and “Anpanman”) so rather than a teaser for Persona, they could be a development of Tear’s concept - except the last one of course. The masks and the doll concept were also most likely a complement to Tear - obviously the doll concept references the E version of Answer, but it’s a repackage including songs from Tear.

The series following Love Yourself is this time based on psychology, and more specifically on Jung’s works through references to Dr. Murray Stein’s Jung’s Map of the Soul.

At the moment it’s hard to know where they’re heading with this one as we only have one album. However, based on the graffitis in Persona’s Comeback trailer, we can assume the Map of the Soul series will be a trilogy made of Persona, Shadow, and Ego. These three parts of the psyche are tightly connected. The ego is the conscious and controllable part of our mind, the persona is the mask we wear to adapt to society and be able to live as a community, and the shadow is all the traits that were rejected from the persona. I detailed more ideas from the book in this summary.

If we go with such a trilogy, it means we won’t go deep in the psyche (to the self) and rather explore the surface (consciousness and personal unconscious).

Persona is the first part of this series. RM explained in his Vlive about the album that BTS’ persona is ARMY - and we do often represent them where we are. Most songs are about happiness and love: thanks to their persona, the boys could fit in the world and enjoy it at best. We can also mention “소우주” (Mikrokosmos) and its lyrics about everyone being a galaxy made of stars - the galaxy is also one of the metaphors used to represent the map of the soul.

BTS’ discography through a Jungian perspective

Before we start this part, please keep in mind it is an interpretation following the different releases so I’ll obviously make sure it makes sense. This, however, doesn’t imply Big Hit planned it, I’m just adapting to what we have. Also, had the last series been about another psychologist’s works, I would’ve made this interpretation based on this psychologist’s theories.

According to Jung, the psyche is something that grows along with the body. At first, there’s an undefined mass that’s both the self and the rest of the world. Progressively, through experiences and trauma, an ego develops - accompanied by a persona and a shadow. These allow the individual to differentiate themselves from the outside world. However, it creates a conflict within the being between the different parts that all have different goals: the persona wants to fit in the world, the ego wants to be an independent individual. An ultimate stage would thus be for all those part to become one again while remaining differentiated. But most people don’t reach it. Jung conceived this development as 5 different stages of consciousness. As the details get quite complicated I’ll let you refer to the book if you want to know more.

In BTS’s discography, we can link the development of the ego with the school trilogy. Through encountering the three main themes of life (dream, happiness, and love) the boys gain morals: you don’t need a dream, don’t be late to be happy, love is complicated. As for their social behavior, it is at first shaped by society (the teacher in “N.O”, the director and the other teacher in BTS Begins): they’re told to obey authority, to aim for a stable job and to create a family.

In the first stage, the consciousness tries to connect with the outside world to begin its existence. And indeed, the boys obey at first...

Before quickly revolting in the second stage, as they realize they’re different from the outside world

On the third stage, the perception of the world changes, the individual focuses more on concepts than objects. Which fits quite well with the YOLO and oniric philosophy behind The Most Beautiful Moment in Life.

Since WINGS is based on Demian and Demian is based on Jung’s works, there’s obviously a lot of connections. WINGS references the whole book but especially the end, with the idea of the bird flying to the god Abraxas. This image is most likely the ego getting inflated in the fourth stage and identifying with god. It’s also a stage of realism where we realize everything is a social construct.

In BTS’ concept, the bird is the young being accepting adulthood. However, rather than identifying with gods, it seems the boys rather related to angels/Icarus and thus to the whole notion of falling from the sky/sinning/succumbing to temptation. An interesting take we find in the WINGS Concept Book is that the fall of the angels and their rebellion against God is a step to grow up - possibly to grow into god themselves then, considering the stage of consciousness.

In the Love Yourself series, a lot of people have associated the girls with the anima of the boys. In Jung’s works, the anima is like your other half, the one who completes you and who exists in your subconscious. This interpretation has flaws but it’s still possible. It also fits with the fifth stage since it’s the one where all the different parts of the psyche reunite. Considering the concept of the series, we can interpret the different parts reuniting as the being finding inner peace and thus being able to love themselves.

Hypothetically, the 5 stages of consciousness stop here but Jung considered supplementary ones. It’s just that only a very small number of people reach it so it can’t be studied well.

But it doesn’t look like Map of the Soul will head here. As I said above, it seems they will rather explore the surface. Interestingly, the surface of the psyche is central in the first stages of consciousness. And the first stages of consciousness have been explored in the school trilogy. And Map of the Soul just happens to revisit the themes of the school trilogy.

And just like that, we connected the whole Reflection of Youth to Jungian ideas~

Now just for fun, here’s another one:

At first, the world population is just a mass

Out of it emerges the BTS self

Through a trauma of hate, they develop their ARMY ego

ARMY grows a persona of being a kind and generous fandom and a shadow made of hate, memes, and overreactions

Just like the map of the soul can be compared to a galaxy, BTS and ARMY reunite as one beautiful galaxy in concerts💜

Conclusion

Philosophy, psychology, proverbs, and just any idea intended to lead to a reflection have been in BTS works for a while now. It remains unsure if we’re supposed to know about them or not as they’re really not highlighted - The Art of Loving and Jung’s Map of the Soul being the exceptions. They remain pertinent to the concept they’re linked to though.

In such a context, it’s clear that only the fans will know about it. So just like hidden tracks on albums, it could be that those quotes are only intended for ARMY because only ARMY can understand them in the context of BTS’ works and their whole message.

And indeed, see how half-fans and journalists hurried to label the magic shop technique as a reference to Into the Magic Shop. Rather than the whole reflection connected to the 起承轉結 writing structure and explaining how they reached self-love, people just went with “OMG a child discovering the mysteries of the world!!”. Which is a theme Bangtan already explored and not with one but with eight references (see here) so I promise you, they really don’t need that trope anymore.

In the same idea, while Jung’s Map of the Soul and The Art of Loving are relatively easy to read, only a very dedicated fan will go through A Thousand Plateaus (before you ask, I didn’t, I only read the chapter of the quote).

To complete my thought on those quotes being background noise, they’re indeed something that’s hard to pick but also something that needs to be decoded.

As for the two books referenced that have been made very public and very explicit since you can buy them on Big Hit’s shop, as I said, first they’re easier to understand and second, BTS has gained a lot more casual fans who won’t necessarily take the time to search for all those details. So there’s a possibility they made it easier to find them so everyone could join in the fun. Lastly, BTS are more invested in those concepts and since their part of the works is mainly the lyrics and not at all the videos, it’s only logical for the ideas to be presented differently.

[chromalogue]

Remarkable what a couple of nights (well, days) of decent sleep will do.

Granted, I was tired enough that instead of grabbing a pot from the rack to start my cereal in, I picked up the phone and started dialling, and stood there for a moment listening to a dial tone and wondering how I was going to fit my almonds into it.

But then I took a shower, and listened to The Adventure Zone as I dried off and dressed.  I had cereal with fruit and almonds on the patio and finished my Duolingo, promised to make English toffee for a bake sale the senior citizens are doing, and did a bit of gardening.  Then I went in and read for a couple of hours.  Three fairly good books--Credulity by Emily Ogden, The Leopard by Jo Nesbø, and Zero History by William Gibson--and two abysmal ones.  

The Rule of Thre3 by Eric Walters is a Canadian YA book set in Mississauga and premised on the idea that as soon as the electricity goes out civilization will disintegrate and the only way to stay alive is to build walled enclaves and not admit anyone unless they have useful skills.  Much talk of building a big, beautiful wall that makes everyone feel really safe; mass killings of “bad guys” from a distance; and--my personal favourite--referring to the flag at the Mississauga police station as “the Stars and Stripes.”  Never mind that actual accounts of disasters document communities coming together and people helping each other, or that we had a 2003 blackout in which people did just that, with none of this apocalypse business.  If I hate it so much, you might ask, why did I finish it?  Because unless something else comes along, I’m probably going to be writing my next ACCSFF paper about it.  

The Blink of an Eye by Ted Dekker is some kind of thriller, I guess, that tries not very effectively (or for that matter thrillingly) to keep Dekker’s pitch for evangelical Christianity at a dull roar.  Every part of it, from the shoddy research on Saudi Arabia and the Nizari sect of Islam to the depiction of a Western feminist trying to convince a woman to return to a forced marriage to the physics genius who uses equations to prove the existence of God in front of a class of 200 and his outraged mentor, just screams that he’s never had any experience with most of the things he writes about and is either too afraid or too contemptuous of them to find out.  If I hate it so much, you might ask, why am I still reading it?  Because if the Dublin conference accepts me, I’m going to be talking about how this genre has contributed to the erosion of American political discourse.

So yeah.  Read.  Went upstairs, edited two pages of minutes, and wrote a thousand words on the fic, which spent a few weeks languishing.  Then I cracked the three-volume French vampire novel I’ve been wanting to get to for weeks.  I did ten pages, same as I used to do ten pages of German, but it took only an hour, because I understand French.  Mostly.  I’ve discovered that I don’t necessarily understand all the shades of meaning conveyed in a depiction of two Louis Quinze-era aristocrats flirting with each other, but I’m not sure I would in any language.  

Then I came back down here and picked up the business writing course I signed up for yesterday.  I’ve wanted to strengthen my professional communications skills for awhile, in the hope that it might help me write better cover letters and e-mails to various town officials, and now that I’ve been asked to contact an author about a thing, I thought this was the perfect time to go ahead with the course.  I got far enough to learn that the essence of business communication is that you do your research, consider your audience, take care to not confuse frequently confused words, and try to minimize your use of profanity.  I’ll keep slogging, but I have the feeling I’m not who this course is for, and I’m not going to see the significant improvement in my writing that I was hoping for.  

After that I worked a bit at turning my dissertation into a book.  And now, if I just do a bit, just a little bit, on my article, I will have worked on every single thing that I wanted to work on today!  With one hour to spare until the technical end of my day!

I’m not gonna be able to keep this up tomorrow.  Silliness to try.  It’s just so nice to have managed to get to everything I’ve been meaning to do for ages, and it was so nice to concentrate on academic stuff for a day without the pressure of a deadline.  

[sheikah]

hey kristen! i was wondering if you could recommend me some books, please! thank you in advance.

Hi anon! I’m sorry in advance for how shitty this rec list is about to be haha. As weird as it may seem being an English teacher and all, I hardly read these days. I have to read so many papers by students and read the content I’m teaching as a refresher that it hardly leaves time for joy reading, so I haven’t done much of that since I was an undergrad. I’ve read a huge amount, but a lot of it was classics and poetry in grad school lol. Not exactly fun reading recs. I’m very boring in that my favorite book is tied between The Deathly Hallows, the Great Gatsby, and Jane Eyre haha.

But I have found some fun things over the last few years and since you didn’t specify a genre I’ll just share a little sprinkle of everything :P

Ok so I have to start with what I’m reading right now which is the 

The Shadow and Bone Trilogy by Leigh Bardugo. 

I hardly ever read YA lit and actually haven’t read any since The Hunger Games years ago, but I had seen a few people I follow talking about the Grishaverse so I decided to pick up her first trilogy. She’s got a trilogy of books called the Shadow and Bone trilogy (I’m on book two right now, and I’m OBSESSED ok???) and a duology called the Six of Crows duology (which is, fwiw, much more famous than the trilogy? But I’m going to finish the trilogy first) and a second duology in progress right now called King of Scars. They’re basically YA romance and adventure in this awesome fantasy universe she’s created. I don’t want to spoil anything else so you’ll just have to read them. And please do, so we can freak out together haha. I recommended these to my best friend who sadly moved to New York a year and a half ago, and she has been loving them and we chat about them on skype :) The first book is here. Start now! Because they’re developing a Netflix series based on her work, which would be a fun new fandom for a lot of us to dabble in to fill the void after GoT ends.

Anyway, here are some more recs.

Romance (by far my favorite genre but I can never find things I really enjoy these days so the list is short. I usually satisfy my romance cravings with fanfic haha):

The Hating Game by Sally Thorne – probably my favorite modern romance ever. This book is GOOD SHIT.

Asking for Trouble by Elizabeth Young – cute and funny, basis for the movie The Wedding Date that made me fall in love with Dermot Mulroney.

Paris for One by Jojo Moyes – a very quick and kinda forgettable read but I read it on the plane on the way to Paris with my husband for our honeymoon so it will always be special to me I guess haha. It is sweet and simple, a quick and happy book.

Sci-Fi:

The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula LeGuin – LeGuin is a goddess and this book changed my life and how I view so much about gender and society and just… everything. Read it.

Dawn by Octavia Butler – been about ten years since I read this one but it’s always left an impression on me. 

Altered Carbon by Richard K. Morgan – classic cyberpunk. A little slow and admittedly I only picked it up because I enjoyed the Netflix series so much but the premise is really cool, I love the character of Kovacs, and Morgan’s weird style eventually pulls you in.

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? – again, this is an obvious inclusion, but this book has so much more humor than Blade Runner and is a really fun and quick read that I’ve always enjoyed.

The Forever War by Joe Haldeman – a military sci fi that’s an allegory for the Vietnam War. It’s written by a Vietnam vet in the early 70s and there is some casual homophobia at times that I don’t appreciate. But I read this in college as part of our assigned reading in an SF class and I really enjoyed it because the speculation and possibilities it presents are frighteningly real and the romance between William and Marygay is really sweet. It’s a good story and very memorable.

Neuromancer by William Gibson –the quintessential cyber punk novel. Gritty and grimdark but always fun. Again, I’m a little squicked by the way the dude writes women sometimes but my love for the genre keeps me going.

Other:

The Alienist by Caleb Carr – a truly fucked up murder mystery that was interesting from beginning to end. I haven’t seen the TV adaptation yet but I’ve got high hopes. 

The Woman on the Train by Paula Hawkins – again, a murder mystery, and again, I haven’t seen the adaptation haha. But I can honestly say the book is the most engrossing mystery I’ve ever read and I devoured it in one sitting. 

Bossypants by Tina Fey – nonfiction humor for when I’m feeling down :)

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh – more nonfiction humor, but this time in comic form! Brosh’s web comic was hugely famous before she published it in book format, and for good reason. This book is so great and I can’t recommend it highly enough. It’s so funny and endearing and real and I just love her. 

My Favorite Thing is Monsters by Emil Ferris – while we’re on the subject of comics, I teach a class on graphic novels and memoirs so I’m a big fan of them. My best recent find is this book by Emil Ferris. The entire thing is drawn in a spiral notebook with ballpoint pen, a really unique style. It’s a great story–a murder mystery told by a little girl who loves monster comics and classic horror movies, and imagines herself as a werewolf detective solving her upstairs neighbor’s murder. But it’s set in Chicago in the 60s, so there is a backdrop of post-war drama, civil rights tensions, and more. It’s really amazing. 

Fun Home by Alison Bechdel – I was talking about this one the other day. A really moving graphic memoir, basically a lesbian coming-of-age story. It’s so beautifully written, and since Bechdel’s parents were both English teachers it’s rich with literary allusion and gorgeous language. Definitely a tear-jerker, but also surprisingly funny. 

Anyway, I’m really sorry if this isn’t what you were looking for but if you can find even one thing you liked on this list (and if you can hurry up and read the Grishaverse lol) I’ll be happy :)