#Why John Doggett Is the Best

[randomfoggytiger]

Reasons Why John Doggett Is the Best

#1. He has lacy curtains on his door.

#2. He has a trellis on/in/around his porch.

#3. He lets his friendly neighborhood conspiracy man in to share a NASCAR weekend with him despite their frosty relationship.

#4. He does not kick said friendly neighborhood conspiracy man out of his house when said man cons his way in with a beige "father of the year" shirt and immediately turns the channel to the news to pull John Doggett into a case so that said man can plumb him for use of his FBI credentials to look into suspicious shadow government activity after said man left the files to John Doggett and, thus, derail said Doggett's weekend under a false "let's hang out" pretense.

#5. He watches NASCAR.

[vampirewalterskinner]

Walter Skinner

Placed his life and job on the line for Scully and Mulder countless times throughout the series.

Refused to deny that Mulder was abducted by aliens, dismissed any theory that Mulder had staged his abduction adamantly, and tirelessly searched for him.

Was maced and beat up by a (hypnotized? I guess we should say) female coworker, but he still used his manners when speaking to her afterward and said, “please, excuse me” before leaving his own office.

Held the hands of fallen soldiers in Vietnam. (Fun note! When Doggett was comatose and laying in the hospital, Skinner was originally supposed to hold Doggett’s hand when he told Reyes about holding dying/injured soldier’s hands. 🫠 Why did they take that away from us)

Dirtied his hands working for CSM to get a cure for Scully’s cancer so Mulder wouldn’t have to.

Procured three gravesites for The Lone Gunmen in the Arlington National Cemetery as repayment for helping him track down Mulder after his abduction.

John Doggett

Derailed his own career to ensure the safety of the X-Files while Mulder was gone and Scully on medical leave.

GENUINELY cared for Scully from the beginning and protected her, always put her first. “My concern is only ever for you, Scully.”

Put his own life in danger to save Mulder the same day they finally met and Mulder shoved him and called him names.

Soft ™️ Held Scully while she was injured and crying the second or third day of knowing each other. Cried in front of Skinner and poured his heart out to him after knowing him for only a few weeks.

Threw around and threatened to kill Spender for touching Scully’s baby.

Chased down Krycek on foot, jumped onto a moving vehicle, and attacked ratboy in hopes of getting a cure for Mulder.

Please, add more if you think of them 🥰

[scullysflannel]

Howdy, hope this finds you well :)

Just dropping in to ask, as someone who’s only up to season 5 of txf, what exactly is it about season 9 that makes it as irredeemable as it is? I plan to go up to season 8 as this show has consumed my life and I’ve done nothing but think about it since I started, but unlike every other season including the revival and second movie, I’m yet to find so much as a good word about season 9 and am morbidly curious as to how they managed to screw the pouch so completely?

Feel free to ignore this one though I appreciate it’s not always fun to talk about the worst of something you adore.

So the thing about season 9 is just that it's not supposed to exist and you can tell. I think there was some pressure from Fox to keep the show going (I tried finding primary sources on this, but googling anything involving "Fox" and "X-Files" and expecting to get info on the studio is a lost cause), even though the season 8 finale was written to work as a series finale, and even though David Duchovny had already made it clear he was not coming back for season 9. The writers' hands were tied in some ways, because they had to work around not having Duchovny after they'd already used up the best excuse for his absence in the books.

But (a) I don't think that's an excuse for the way Mulder's absence in season 9 is handled, which is vague at best and out of character for him and Scully at worst. It's very "out of sight, out of mind" in a way that especially stands out considering how present he feels in season 8. If it's possible to make a version of The X-Files that isn't driven by Mulder (either in his presence or his absence), they didn't find it in season 9.

And (b) the writers also seemed to be writing like their hands were tied when they weren't. The vibe of some of the choices made in season 9, especially when it comes to Scully's story, is very Eric André holding a smoking gun saying "why would Fox do this." It's like, "well we weren't planning on this, but now we have to do it to keep the story going." And the thing is that they actually did not have to do it. There's a bizarre desperation to the way Scully's story is written in season 9. Almost everything they throw at her is traumatic, but also inconsistent and confusing, which makes it all come across as kind of soulless. And it all builds to the most egregious example of "Chris Carter tries to erase the consequences of a story he wrote, thereby creating even more devastating consequences, which he will also ignore" in the history of the show. He didn't have to do that! Scully could have spent a lot of season 9 just being Doggett and Reyes' deadpan pal who does autopsies and it would have been fine.

The thing that "works" "best" about season 9 is that it's theoretically a fresh start, with Doggett and Reyes running the X-Files office: two characters who weren't totally new faces but whose dynamic was mostly unexplored. And to be clear, I think John Doggett rules. The concept of assigning the X-Files to Just a Guy Who's a Very Good Person but Would Rather Be Watching NASCAR is hilarious. I don't think the writers had the same handle on Reyes, but the two of them are interesting together. I will also say I think some of the monster-of-the-week episodes in season 9 (the ones that focus on Doggett and Reyes) are cooler in theory than the motw episodes in season 8.

But it's so rare for those episodes to actually spark. Maybe part of the problem is that, again, the writers made the totally unforced error to focus so much of the mythology on Stressing Scully Out when they could have been deepening Doggett and Reyes' investment in the X-Files outside Scully, which would also liven up their characterization and their dynamic. Season 8 (which has a lot going for it) can skate by on uninteresting motw episodes because Scully's arc in that season is so all-consuming it drives the story forward and makes it meaningful. Season 9 doesn't have that same emotional clarity, so even the motw episodes that have promise feel lacking. (There's also the fact that even if the writers had given Doggett and Reyes better material, they wouldn't be Mulder and Scully. But better material would have helped.)

There's also literally 9/11. I'm this far down on the list of problems with season 9 and I'm just now getting to 9/11. The X-Files gets its edge from its mistrust of the government, but they sanded that down in season 9 because it was so out of step with the mainstream American audience. Until they finally recommitted to critiquing the government in the (original) series finale, the show didn't feel like itself.

It's not even like the problem is the way season 9 ends. The finale is a mixed bag (it's part clip show lol), but I love the final scene, and in most ways it's a more fitting send-off for the show than the final scene of season 8 is. It's just that getting there feels cursed at every step. No one made it out unscathed. There's an episode directed by Michelle MacLaren (her tv directorial debut!) and written by Vince Gilligan, a Breaking Bad partnership for the ages, and even that's bad. Better Call Saul's own Tom Schnauz wrote an episode featuring Aaron Paul and I will never ever watch it again. There's something in the water in season 9. It's just not supposed to be there.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

this ask may sound as a rant but it's more of a plea.

i have to say that your previous answer woke me from my sleep stupor with the mention of the legal and financial issues within the band/apple. it is a genuine problem i encounter when reading (or hearing people talk about) the breakup and the years that followed. i understand that legality and finance are not fun, but for me, it is essential to fully grasp the fracture in their relationships. even paul has mentioned how he and john couldn't talk about business without it ending in a screaming match.

legal proceedings and business deals help set dates and, with that, inform the members' actions and reactions. of course, the emotional side of the breakup is important, but ever since they were young, they mentioned how becoming rich was a big motivation so why wouldn't it matter in their undoing? it was also why john became interested in allen klein!

i find that what was done business-wise and then what was used in court as "evidence" should not be dismissed as not as important in comparison to emotionally biased theories. (not that these are unimportant, but money can, and has, made and broken relationships) because of this, it can become difficult to find resources on their legal and financial issues without them becoming a footnote or oversimplified.

i agree that tumblr is not the place to find these resources or convos, so this is me pleading with you and anyone if you have an idea where to do so.

thanks for reading/answering! love reading your asks and analysis!

While I said that stuff shouldn't be dismissed, I want to clarify that I don't actually consider myself an expert on it and also think it's not been super widely covered, because the bias towards emotional aspect excludes neither me nor wider Beatles authorship.

To my knowledge, your best bet is the book You Never Give Me Your Money by Peter Doggett, which tries to provide a full overview of the entire legal and financial proceedings of the breakup. Also perhaps check out Peter Brown's book from this year, All You Need Is Love, which includes interview excerpts describing some of the business stuff.

[carefulfears]

Would you describe Mulder and Scully’s relationship as codependent? Do you think there was a certain point where neither realized there would never be anyone else?

hey babe! no, i actually wouldn’t. not to be really annoying and technical, but codependency is a facet of abusive/toxic relationships. it's defined as a condition that prohibits a person from having a "mutually satisfying relationship," and signs include a need to control others, lying/dishonesty, chronic anger, lack of trust in self/others, and it hinges on enabling destructive behavior.

in my opinion, i would argue that scully doesn’t enable mulder’s destructive behavior, but rather tries to support/encourage him to pursue his goals in a healthy way.

(nor does mulder encourage scully’s, even if that behavior is trying to “please” him, or being with him at all. he was always the first to say, “go be a doctor.”)

it’s that scene in the end of drive, when kersh says “you apologize for him a lot.” and scully snaps back, “i’m not apologizing for this.” and says that what mulder did saved people’s lives, she’s not apologetic.

she actually doesn’t make apologies or excuses for him, that’s the antithesis of her entire role. what scully is invested in is the quest, and there’s nothing inherently destructive or toxic about the quest. it’s a search to help people and find truth and enact justice, and at its best, it’s rewarding to believe in something so deeply.

what’s destructive at times is mulder’s self-sacrificial and obsessive nature, which scully never permits. she badly wants him to care for himself and think critically about things, and she never shies from communicating that. that’s her job. but also, that’s how she shows love.

there’s a difference between depending on someone for many things and codependency, and in my opinion, it’s the world around them that forces them to depend on each other for so much. their surroundings are constantly enforcing: this is all that you have. their surroundings are constantly taking those in their lives one-by-one.

and when they do have other people, they’re not afraid to utilize those connections and reach out to others. it’s why i love that last scene of triangle so much: mulder in the hospital bed, scully and skinner and byers and frohike and langly all griping and throwing flowers on the table. they all went to any depths of the world to make sure he was okay, they all worked together to show up for him, and they all always do.

and it’s the best part of s8/s9 too! when mulder was gone, this show could’ve isolated scully, but it surrounded her in more support than ever.

my favorite moment in requiem is the final scene, when skinner comes to tell scully that mulder is missing, and she already knows. and they just cry together. hold onto each other’s hands. and she tells him, the first person to know, that she’s pregnant. it’s so moving to me, to be so connected to someone else, when the worst happens. these are the two people who love mulder the most. these are the people who are going to stay out at night searching, who are going to defend his work, who are going to invest in his child. ultimately, it will be these two left standing alone by his grave.

then she’s given john doggett, a new partner to share her days with, a stone-cold skeptic who would do absolutely anything for her. monica reyes, another tall dark-haired believer who adores her (when one fades away…). the boys move their mission control from the TLG loft to her kitchen table. her mother plans parties and finds help and babysits.

but still, she does feel so alone, doesn’t she? because it’s just not the same. that’s the dependency, to me, and i don’t personally find it unhealthy or toxic. they’re best friends. they do everything together, they’ve always wanted to do everything together. they’re the only person who understands. that’s why, in the end, after having all of that support and all of those people, scully packs up and runs to abandon all but one.

it’s why doggett and the guys break mulder out of death row, because they love scully, and they know she wouldn’t survive.

is it a bit twisted? yes. but so are their circumstances. they don’t want anything more than for the other to be and have everything, it’s like that from the beginning straight to the end.

as far as when they knew this was it, maybe it’s because i’m coming up on never again in my rewatch, but i feel like there’s no coming back from ed jerse! she burns this cycle into her skin, fucks another man, then comes back. nothing says “you are coming down with me,” quite like that. idk i might change my answer tomorrow! but i definitely think that final shot at the desk set a lot in stone.

[thatspookyagent]

X-Files character: [puts trust in Krycek]

Krycek: [breaks that trust]

X-Files character:

[robinallender]

Books I read in 2022

Normally I try to write an individual post about every book I read, but I didn’t manage that this year. So here is a montage of all the books I didn’t manage to post about!

I loved John Higgs’ book about The Beatles and James Bond and it was a real highlight to interview him this year for Your Own Personal Beatles. I also read John’s book William Blake vs the World, which was totally revelatory and made me feel like I understood Blake for the first time; I love the idea of Blake wandering around London and coming across the ‘large and pleasant’ village of Camberwell.

I reread Nineteen Eighty-Four, Animal Farm and Coming Up for Air for the Moon Under Water special we recorded for this year’s Orwell Festival. (I only noticed this time around that the appendix of Nineteen Eighty-Four is in the past tense, but apparently everyone has already spotted that.) I also read Dorian Lynskey’s ‘biography’ of Nineteen Eighty-Four, The Ministry of Truth, which brilliantly reckons with Orwell’s contradictions and explores the ways in which the novel has been misinterpreted and co-opted since it was published.

R. C. Sheriff’s The Fortnight in September is absolutely wonderful. A kind of Zen-like ambient novel in which a family goes on holiday to Bognor Regis – and that’s it. Similarly peril-free is Leonard and Hungry Paul, a hugely uplifting novel which is a welcome antidote to, well, everything.

I read some brilliant books about music: The Sound of Being Human by Jude Rogers is part memoir, part analysis of why music means so much to us. I found it incredibly moving. Denim and Leather by Michael Hann is an hilarious, rollicking account of a folk culture unique to our isles: The New Wave of British Heavy Metal. 

We interviewed William Boyd for the Moon Under Water (episode coming soon) and it was a pleasure to read two of his ‘whole life’ novels, Any Human Heart and The Romantic.

2022 was the year in which I finally finished Finnegans Wake (started it in 2018 and kept a Twitter thread going for four years, in case you ever get really bored). Did I understand it? No, but I loved its musicality and glimmers of meaning in the dream-like gloom. Don’t we all? 

Elif Batuman’s The Idiot was the best novel I read this year. The title character, Selin, a student at Harvard in the 1990s, is not an idiot – but she is a kind of holy fool. She’s actually incredibly perceptive at spotting other people’s idiocies and pretensions (of which student life has its fair share). Above all, The Idiot is really a novel about language; the way it conceals and reveals – and is full of glowing passages like this:

I kept thinking about the uneven quality of time – the way it was almost always so empty, and then with no warning came a few days that felt so dense and alive and real that it seemed indisputable that that was what life was, that its real nature had finally been revealed. But then time passed and unthinkably grew dead again, and it turned out that that fullness had been an aberration and might never come back.

Peter Doggett’s You Never Give Me Your Money is a superb Beatles book, and perfect if you watched Get Back and want to know what happened next. Why did The Beatles break up? Doggett has a 300-page answer for you.

The Plot is an engrossing literary thriller – although I did guess the twist. Reading Four Thousand Weeks felt like a waste of time (ironic for a time management book). I found it a bit trite, but some people loved it! More edifying was the children’s classic Carrie’s War, which is absolutely brilliant and surprisingly dark.

I ended the year by reading Salinger (again). As always, I’m amazed by how it feels like I’m back in a real place with real people whenever I read his books. I want to write something longer about The Catcher in the Rye because I think it’s one of the most profound books ever written. This time I wondered if it isn’t, in some way, about nostalgia. Holden is recalling the events of the novel a year after they happened and ends it by saying, ‘Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.’

I finally got around to reading Actual Air. David Berman was a genius. His poems feel like the (mis)apprehensions of childhood – full of dream logic, strange familiarity and familiar strangeness. He was also incredibly funny, as in the poem where he meets a choreographer in New York who claims that blue jeans are ‘pretentious nineteenth-century gold rush period’ outfits.

Speaking of strangeness, I loved The Weird and the Eerie by Mark Fisher, a brilliant study of unsettling art, from Lovecraft to Lynch. Via this book I read what I think is one of the best short stories ever written, ‘The Door in the Wall’ by H. G. Wells – an extraordinary tale of lost childhood and unattainable desire:

‘That is as well as I can remember my vision of that garden – the garden that haunts me still. Of course, I can convey nothing of that indescribable quality of translucent unreality, that difference from the common things of experience that hung about it all; but that – that is what happened. If it was a dream, I am sure it was a daytime and altogether extraordinary dream…’ 

On top of these, I read the following books:

Eclipse – John Banville Pond – Claire-Louise Bennett (again) Dance Move – Wendy Erskine Send Nudes – Saba Sams Piranesi – Susanna Clarke The Way by Swann’s – Marcel Proust Unexhausted Time – Emily Berry Transformer – Ezra Furman Some Answers Without Questions – Lavinia Greenlaw Adventures in the Skin Trade – Dylan Thomas Small Things Like These – Claire Keegan When We Cease to Understand the World – Benjamín Labatut Leave the World Behind – Rumaan Alam A Short Stay in Hell – Steven L. Peck The Apparition Phase – William Maclean

So, a total of 37! Not bad going. Next year, I plan to do things a little bit differently and will probably say farewell to this Tumblr blog (which I started in 2011!). I'm hoping to write more long-form posts, so you may see me on Substack.

Thanks for reading and happy holidays.

[no-reply95]

Jealous Guys

Something I’ve been thinking about for a while now is the different ways jealousy manifested for John and Paul over the course of their friendship.

I’m going to look at John and Paul in turn and have a look at some of the key ways jealousy appeared, before, during and after the Beatles period. This will be a looooong post so if you want to go on deep dive keep reading below.

John

Jealousy was something that John acknowledged as a big part of his personality, as far as I’m aware, he only acknowledged his jealousy publicly in terms of his relationship with Yoko but I believe jealousy was a feature of all of John’s major relationships. John’s first real partnership was with Pete Shotton, his childhood best friend, and Pete has outlined how John’s jealousy and possessiveness was a feature in their friendship with them falling out when Pete first started showing interest in girls and with John acting out when Pete started to spend more time with other friends, instead of him, here Pete recounts John’s reflection on this period of their friendship:

“Years later John confessed to having felt acutely jealous throughout that interlude: “I was scared shitless I’d lost you after our fight in science class, when you starting playing with David Jones. I really thought I’d gone too far with you that time.“

Pete Shotton, John Lennon: In My Life , 1983

Pete’s recollections establish a pattern in John’s life of acting out due to a fear of abandonment and losing those who are closest to him so it’s not surprising that once John had formed a strong bond with Paul that would stir similar fears in him. 

Below I’ve categorised the groups of people that were the focus of John’s jealousy and have picked one person from each group as an example:

Family - Jim McCartney

Paul’s family was and continues to be a big part of his life. From the outset of their friendship, John was made aware of how important Jim was to Paul and vice versa. John and Paul had to skip school to hang out together because Jim wouldn’t have John in their house initially and John confessed his resentment of Jim’s influence over Paul’s life. It appears that after some time John grew tired of having to contend with Jim for the position of the most important person in Paul’s life, and this culminated in John giving Paul a pseudo ultimatum as John discussed in 1971:

“But Paul would always give in to his dad. His dad told him to get a job, he fucking dropped the group and started working on the fucking lorries, saying, "I need a steady career." We couldn't believe it… “So I told him on the phone, "Either come or you're out." So he had to make a decision between me and his dad then, and in the end he chose me”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Friends - Mal Evans

Throughout the active years of the band it was typical of them to refer to each other as their best friends and, given the lives they led, I think the simple fact that no one else could understand what it was like to be a Beatle would have meant they all shared a special bond. However, they all had friendships outside of the band and this was something that could cause issues for John when it came to Paul.

According to Tune In, Mal initially became friends with Paul during the band's initial shows at the Cavern Club then, after a suggestion from George, Mal became a part of the Beatles entourage thereafter. Mal had friendships with all the Beatles, as part of their inner circle, but from his comments it appears John took umbrage with the closeness of Mal’s friendship with Paul:

“Paul would suddenly come in with this circle saying, “This is Magical Mystery Tour, will you write that bit?” And I was choked that he’d arranged it all with Mal anyway, for a kickoff, and had all this idea going”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Mal also comes up when John discusses his recollections of the writing of Eleanor Rigby:

“So rather than ask me, “John, do these lyrics—” Because by that period, he didn’t want to say that – to me. Okay? So what he would say was, “Hey, you guys, finish off the lyrics,”... “ Now, I sat there with Mal Evans, a road manager who was a telephone installer, and Neil Aspinall, who was a not-completed student accountant who became our road manager. And I was insulted and hurt that he’d thrown it out in the air”...” There might be a version that they contributed, but there isn’t a line in there that they put in.“

Playboy interview, David Sheff 1980

John’s discomfort with the closeness of Paul’s relationship with Mal was something that wasn’t lost on Mal’s wife Lil:

“He was always at their beck and call. He was a nice fella to have around, so much so that it could provoke little jealousies within the band. When I met Yoko years after Mal died, she said John had told her he’d been very jealous at one point of Mal’s relationship with Paul.”

Lil Evans interview with Ray Connolly, 2005

Love interests - Linda McCartney

Throughout their friendship both John and Paul had quite a few love interests, which (to varying degrees) prompted jealousy between them.

Although John displayed jealousy of a few of Paul’s love interests this was no more apparent than with Paul’s first wife Linda McCartney, which is confirmed by both John’s words and actions regarding Linda and her partnership with Paul:

“"Then Klein informed Lennon that McCartney had secretly been increasing his stake in Northern Songs. ‘John flew into a rage,’ recalled Apple executive Peter Brown. ‘At one point I thought he was really going to hit Paul, but he managed to calm himself down.’ One unconfirmed report of this meeting had Lennon leaping towards Linda McCartney, his fists raised in her face"

Peter Doggett, You Never Give Me Your Money

"Int: When did you first meet her [Linda]? John: The first time I saw her was after that press conference to announce Apple in America. We were just going back to the airport and she was in the car with us. I didn't think she was particularly attractive, I wondered what he was bothering having her in the car for. A bit too tweedy, you know. But she sat in the car and took photographs and that was it. And the next minute she's married him."

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

“I was reading your letter and wondering what middle aged cranky Beatle fan wrote it... "What the hell—it’s Linda! . . . Linda— if you don’t care what I say—shut up!—let Paul write—or whatever.”

"Of course, the money angle is important—to all of us—especially after all the petty shit that came from your insane family/in laws—and GOD HELP YOU OUT, PAUL—see you in two years—I reckon you’ll be out then"

Draft letter from John Lennon to Linda McCartney, circa 1971

"The presumption is a) the Beatles would get together again or are even thinking about it and b) if they got together, John and Yoko split, Paul and Linda split"

John (with Yoko) talks to John Fielding on Weekend World, 1973

"John often speculated on why Paul and Linda remained married while, at the same time, resenting their evident happiness, to the extent that he had Green do a tarot reading to ensure him that Paul and Linda were really secretly miserable and were going to divorce within a year"

According to Fred Seaman and John Green, source

Paul

Of course jealousy wasn't a one-way street in the Lennon-McCartney relationship. Unlike with John, for Paul I'm focusing more on the key people I believe his jealousy, regarding John, was directed to:

Stuart Sutcliffe

John met Stu at Art College and struck up a really close friendship with him. At the point that John met Stu, John had already become friends with Paul so Paul felt threatened when Stu entered the picture:

"When he [Stu] came into the band, around Christmas of 1959, we were a little jealous of him; it was something I didn’t deal with very well. We were always slightly jealous of John’s other friendships.

When Stuart came in, it felt as if he was taking the position away from George and me. We had to take a bit of a back seat."

Paul McCartney, Anthology 2000

"Paul was saying something about Stu’s girl – he was jealous because she was a great girl, and Stu hit him, on stage. And Stu wasn’t a violent guy at all."

John Lennon, 1967 Anthology 2000

"I looked up to Stu. I depended on him to tell me the truth. Stu would tell me if something was good and I’d believe him. We were awful to him sometimes. Especially Paul, always picking on him. I used to explain afterwards that we didn’t dislike him, really."

John Lennon, The Beatles Hunter Davies 1968

Yoko Ono

Of all the relationships I've already discussed, the relationship and jealousy displayed from Paul towards Yoko is probably the most widely discussed in Beatles historiography and general discourse. From the official start of Yoko's relationship with John in 1968 it was clear that Paul resented her presence in John's life and her proximity to the band:

"He even sent them [John and Yoko] a hate letter once, unsigned, typed. I brought it in with the morning mail. Paul put most of his fan mail in a big basket and let it sit for weeks, but John and Yoko opened every piece. When they got to the anonymous note, they looked puzzled, looking at each other with genuine pain in their eyes. ‘You and your Jap tart think you’re hot shit’, it said."

Francie Schwartz, Body Count 1972

"Cause she’s [Yoko] very much to do with it from John’s angle, that’s the thing, you know. And I – the thing is that I – there’s— Again, like, there’s always only two answers. One is to fight it, and fight her, and try and get The Beatles back to four people without Yoko, and sort of ask her to sit down at the board meetings. Or else, the other thing is to just realize that she’s there, you know. And he’s not gonna sort of – split with her, just for our sakes."

Paul McCartney, Let It Be Sessions, 1969

"I told John on the phone the other day that at the beginning of last year I was annoyed with him. I was jealous because of Yoko, and afraid about the break-up of a great musical partnership. It’s taken me a year to realise that they were in love. Just like Linda and me."

Paul McCartney, interview with Ray Connolly, 1970

What are the similarities and differences in the way jealousy manifested for John and Paul?

I think it's obvious but bears repeating that both John and Paul displayed jealousy towards other people who they felt would threaten their relationship so that's central to all the instances I have flagged, Jim, Mal, Linda, Stu, Yoko all posed real or imagined threats to John and Paul's partnership.

However, you'll note that I included more sources to display John's jealousy regarding Paul and that I categorised John's jealousy targets whereas I only pulled out two key individuals for Paul, this isn't to say that John was more jealous than Paul was, as jealousy isn't something you can quantify, but to highlight my opinion that Paul's jealousy regarding John was more targeted than John's jealousy regarding Paul. I think what stands out to me is that, I think generally Stu and Yoko are held up as the prime examples of Paul's jealousy of other people getting close to John, as far as we know, Paul never had significant issues with other people who formed close relationships with John like Pete Shotton, Cynthia Lennon, Magic Alex etc., why was that? I think that Paul was more threatened when he felt that John was replacing him so by bringing Stu into the band (even though he wasn't a musician) and Yoko into the studio (one instance where Paul was especially hurt was when John gave Paul's line in The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill to Yoko to sing), Paul perhaps felt that his place as John's primary collaborator was in jeopardy and that he could lose a partnership that had become central to his self-worth as a person - that, I believe, was when his jealousy was most likely to rise to the fore. John, on the other hand, had a much wider range of targets when it came to jealousy regarding Paul, why was John jealous of Linda? Linda wasn't trying to replace John as Paul's collaborator, if anything she wanted the Lennon-McCartney partnership to be stronger. Why was John jealous of Mal? Mal wasn't a musician, Mal was a huge fan of the band and constantly worked to fulfil their requests, so why was John so threatened by his friendship with Paul? For me, John's jealousy regarding Paul was more than just a fear of directly being replaced, I believe John's jealousy was fundamentally triggered by a fear of abandonment. I think the childhood trauma John experienced, of being left by both his parents, meant that whenever any of his close friendships and relationships were threatened, or he felt that someone close to him may leave him, he would act out. John fell out with his childhood best friend Pete when he got a girlfriend, John hit Cynthia when he saw her dancing with Stu, John was rude to several of Paul's love interests and ultimately John never fully accepted Paul's relationship with Linda because, although he could see that she could offer Paul the family life he always wanted, John didn't want Linda to take Paul away and give him a family that meant that Paul would no longer be able to prioritise John in his life as he had in the past.

Ultimately, we'll never know all the ways that jealousy factored into John and Paul's relationship with each other and those around them, as I'm sure it impacted several relationships in more complex ways than I can articulate (i.e. I suspect jealousy played a part in Paul's initial resentment of Brian but they grew closer over time so maybe Paul's jealousy lessened over time or Brian became less of a threat?). I do think it's important to consider that jealousy was present on both sides and was likely a factor in the breakdown of John and Paul's relationship, the breakdown of the Beatles and was a continued factor in disrupting reconciliations between John and Paul into the 70s and 1980.

[mldrgrl]

Broken Things 8/24

by: mldrgrl Rating: varies by chapter, rated R overall See Chapter 1 for summary and notes

Mulder helps his wife into the wagon.  Wife!  Yesterday he was a bachelor, today he’s somebody’s husband and she is his wife.  Incredible.

“On to the Byers,” he says, coaxing the horses into a trot.  “And then, home.”

“Yes.”  She’s reading the marriage certificate when he glances at her.  

Susannah Byers is thrilled when she hears about the marriage.  She wants to give them a party, but both Mulder and Katherine politely decline.  Mulder can tell that Katherine is not one to bring attention to herself and he can’t say he enjoys it either.  

“What about a nice Sunday dinner after services when the circuit preacher comes around?”

Katherine looks to Mulder and he nods.  “That sounds quite nice,” he says.  “Even if I can’t be to church, I’ll see to it that Katherine will be there.”

“We’ll get you into a church one day, Mulder, you’ll see.”

“I don’t know, Susannah, I think being a heathen suits me just fine.”

Susannah laughs and then slips her arm through Katherine’s.  “Let’s go get your things together and gossip about these menfolk.”  

“So, you went and did it,” John Byers says, as soon as Susannah and Katherine are gone.

“Yes, I’ve officially joined the married men’s club.”  Mulder spots the row of tinned fruits on the shelves behind John’s shoulder and has a moment of inspiration.  “John, I’ll take one of those tinned peaches and a few of your pickled eggs.”

John hops to attention like the perfect store manager that he is as Mulder rattles off some additional items.  A tin of crackers, a hunk of cheese, some bread, two bottles of sarsaparilla, a bag of licorice, a dozen apples, and a few scoops of raisins.  While John gathers everything together, Mulder pulls down a squat basket from one of the top shelves to put everything in.  He adds a new set of cutlery as well and covers everything with some linen napkins.

“Tell the ladies I’m out by the wagon,” he tells John after he pays him, and then takes the basket out to try to tuck it away unnoticed.

When Katherine comes out with the valise, Susannah is beside her with some wrapped packages.  Mulder takes everything and loads it into the back of the wagon.  The sun is getting to be high and mighty.  He leaves the ladies chatting and saying their goodbyes and runs back into the store.  It only takes a couple seconds for him to grab the first straw hat he sees and plunks it down on the counter.

“I assume this is for the new bride?” John asks.

“That’s right.”

“Then you’ll be wanting a ladies’ hat, not a boater.”  John shakes his head and points to the women’s hats behind him, ones that tie on with ribbons and have sprigs of flowers at one side.

“This one,” Mulder says, grabbing a wider-brimmed hat, much less stiff than the one he’d initially selected, with a pink ribbon and baby’s breath.

“Good luck with everything.”

“Thank you.”

Mulder hands the hat to Katherine when he comes out of the store and she gives him a puzzled look.

“Getting on to be high noon,” Mulder says, pointing up at the clear sky.  “The hat will keep the sun out of your eyes and protect you from getting burned.”

“Oh.  Thank you.”  She places it on her head lightly and then ties a neat bow under her chin with the ribbons.

“Susannah, I thank you for allowing Katherine to stay with you last night.”

“Anytime, anytime!  I was just telling her to come back as often as she likes and maybe we can plan a tea with some of the other ladies that come in for church.  There’s only the Sheriff’s wife and Arlene Skinner in town, but she’s not terribly social.”

“Didn’t even know Mr. Skinner was married,” Mulder answers.  “We only just met Monica Doggett today.”

“Well, I won’t keep you any longer.  You come back and see me real soon, alright?”

“Thank you,” Katherine tells Susannah and gives her a quick embrace.

As though they’ve done this a thousand times over and without even thinking about it, Katherine blindly gives her hand to Mulder and he rubs his thumb over her knuckles as he waits for her to gather her skirts up so she doesn’t trip on the step up to the wagon.

↭

Katherine quickly learns that Mulder is a man of many surprises.  She can see that his spontaneity is going to keep her on her toes.  When they’re about half-way to home, he stops the wagon where there’s a nice shady canopy of trees for the horses and produces a basket of food he had hidden in the wagon.

“Thought it might be nice to stop for a picnic,” he says.

“I don’t think I’ve been on a picnic since I was a little girl.”

“Wait just one minute, I’ve got a blanket back here I’ll lay out.  You’ll have to excuse the bits of hay, but at least your dress won’t get dirtied.”

She helps him lay out the blanket beneath an oak tree that looks like it was planted at the beginning of time it’s so large.  He kneels to unpack the basket and she sits down and tucks her legs to the side.  There doesn’t seem to be anything in the basket that he hasn’t thought of.  When he has it emptied he hangs his hat on the handle and pushes his hair back with one hand.

“I realize I don’t actually know if you like peaches,” he says.  “Maybe I should’ve gotten apricots.”

“I like peaches.”

“Oh, good.”  He opens the tin with a pocket knife and gives her the first pick.

“Thank you.”

“Whatever you’d like from this spread, don’t be shy.”  He cuts off a bit of cheese and bread and then lays back onto one elbow and smiles at her.

The way he looks at her makes her feel shy and she has to look away for a moment, but the pull of his gaze is too strong and it stirs something in her that she’s never felt before.  It’s akin to fear, but if she’s in danger, she doesn’t feel like running away from it, she feels like running towards it.

“You may just have the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen,” he says.  “I think the sky might be jealous.”

Compliments make her terribly uncomfortable and she’s glad for the hat that can shield him from the color in her cheeks.  “I’d like to confess something,” she says, plucking absently at a loose thread on her skirt.

“Is this where you tell me you can’t cook?”  He chuckles at his own joke.

“I can cook well enough.”

“Whew.”

“When I told you my maiden name was O’Brien, I wasn’t telling the truth.  It’s my mother’s maiden name.  Mine is Scully.”

“Scully.  I like that.  It suits you somehow.  But, why did you say it was O’Brien?”

“I don’t know.  I guess I felt scared in a way.  Of you knowing me too quickly.  You lied to me too, though.”

“No, my name has always been Mulder.”

“Jack never paid a single cent on that land.  You did.”

“Did Skinner tell you that?”

“No, he told me that Jack paid the mortgage on time, the first of every month.  That was simply impossible.  Even if he had won enough in a poker game.  Why did you want me to believe that he had?”

Mulder sighs and runs a hand through his hair.  “I got to thinking that maybe my offer had been a little unfair when you had no real alternatives.  I guess, selfishly, there was a part of me that didn’t want to think you’d marry me for that reason alone.  But, also, I thought I might try to give you one good thing to remember about your late husband.”

“You don’t know what my memories are.”

“No, but I do know they aren’t fond.”

She frowns and her voice comes out a little more forceful and louder than she’d like, but he’s touched a nerve.  “I won’t ever think fondly of Jack Willis and there isn’t a thing you can do about that,” she barks.

Mulder whistles low and then smiles.  “And though she be but little, she is fierce.  Remind me, fair Kate, never to get on your bad side.”

She’s embarrassed by her outburst, but more surprised that Mulder doesn’t seem the least bit fazed by it, or concerned.  He’s rather amused.  He just keeps smiling at her to the point where she has to drop her chin or she may end up smiling back.

“If I may be so bold,” Mulder says.  “Why did you marry Jack?  Was there ever a time you liked him even a little?”

“I married him because my father arranged it.  Maybe there was a time when I liked him.  If there was though, I’ve forgotten it.  And if it’s alright with you, I’d rather not have to think about him right now.”  

“Of course.”

“I apologize for losing my temper earlier.”

“Why should you be sorry if that’s the way you feel?  I promise I will make it my life’s mission not to arouse your temper, but you should know I am famously myopic when it comes to thinking before I speak or act.”

“As long as you’re not violent,” she whispers, her eyes downcast.

He reaches out and touches her cheek for a moment.  “No, I am not violent.  You have my word on that.”

She nods a little.  She knows she’s been temperamental and melancholy and has ruined the picnic that Mulder has set up.  She tries to think of a way to salvage the day and this nice thing that he’s done for her.

“You know what I was thinking?” he asks suddenly.  “We’re going to have to make sure you have more lessons with the carriage.”

“Why?”

“Getting into town, going to church, having ladies’ teas and those other mysterious things women do when they get together.  You’ll need a way to get to and from.”

“Oh.  I don’t need to go unless you’d like to take me.  You don’t have to go to any trouble.”

“Well, Melvin’s going to need something to do since you’ll be displacing him as the resident cook.  He’ll be showing you the ropes anyway, and he’s a much better teacher than I am.”

“You would permit me to go into town on my own?”

“Permit you?”  He raises his brows a bit.  “Do you know what my aunt once told me about marriage?”

“No.”

“She said that it’d be best to remember that women have their own minds and their own interests and if I thought that marriage would change that, I should go on and be a bachelor for the rest of my days.”

She doesn’t quite know what to do with this piece of information.  Her mother had always told her that marriage is doing as your husband bids and raising his children.  No more.  As a woman, she has been trained to believe that it is her place to move from her father’s rule to her husband’s.  And now, here is a man, her new husband, a complete stranger whom she tethered herself to more willingly than her last, offering her a kind of freedom she’s never had but always longed for.  Four years ago she had lost the hard-won opportunity to be more than a daughter or a wfie, never thinking it would come around again.  

“Do you mean that?” she asks.  “That I might have my own interests to pursue?”

“Only if you promise to tell me what those interests are sometime.”

“I like to learn things about science and new discoveries.  Have you ever heard of the electric bulb?”

“I’ve seen one.”

“You’ve seen one?”  She nearly gasps.  She’s read all about them, seen illustrations, but never met anyone who has seen one in person.

“There’s a park in New York City illuminated at night by electric lamps.  It’s not as pretty as candlelight, but it is rather enchanting.”

“Some day I would like to see one.”

“I am certain that you will.”

She’s quiet for a few moments, thinking about the possibility.  It occurs to her that she’s forgotten all about her earlier discomfort and melancholy and that perhaps the picnic has been a success after all.

“I would like you to know that I didn’t marry you because it was the only option,” she tells him.  

“Oh?  I’m glad to hear that.”

“I think it’s possible that I might like you.  And that I trust you.”

He laughs at that.  “You can take your time on making up your mind about it, but I already know that I like you, fair Kate.”

They smile at each other and she tips her head down almost bashfully.  She’s not quite willing to admit to him yet, but she likes it when he calls her Kate.  She likes almost everything about him, really, even when he’s being stubborn.

“Do you think we could go on another picnic one day?” she asks.

“It was just on my mind to ask if you had any objections to stepping out with me again sometime.  I’m sorry if there were some awkward moments earlier, it’s been a long time since I’ve done any courting.”

“But, we are already married.”

“Still, I think a bit of courting is in order, don’t you?  How else am I to learn all that I should about my wife?”

“When you have put it in such a way as that, I can’t help but agree.”

[enigmaticxbee]

✖️✖️ 8x05 Invocation

The one where... an abducted child comes back 10 years later without having aged - and we start getting hints about Doggett’s tragic backstory.

Best: The discussions between Scully and Doggett about what constitutes success on the X-Files. Interesting that what I was just complaining about with Doggett on the bat man case, Scully is now explicitly asking him to do - just accept that there’s no explanation and find a win in catching the bad guy and closing the case. Doggett says he wants to do whatever it takes to solve the case but he’s determined to solve it like a standard abduction case without engaging at all with the paranormal aspects. I appreciate that this dynamic is forcing Scully into defending her beliefs and not letting her get away with vague I’ve seen things I can’t explain non-answers.

Worst: There are some awkward things in this episode, for expediency’s sake I guess. How much they call your attention to the creepy teen in the cold open. How bizarrely everyone at the school acts when the mom arrives after Billy has reappeared. How after that no one but Scully (and the dad, a bit) seems to find his reappearance weird at all!

✔️ Flashlights

✔️ Woods

❌ Slideshow

❌ Autopsy

❌ Evidence Disappears

❌ Scully Misses It

✔️ Mulder Ditch (the biggest ditch of all)

❌ Sunflower Seeds

❌ Voiceover

❌ Catch Phrase

❌ Scully is a Medical Doctor

❌ Mulder is Spooky

❌ Scuuullllaaaaayy! Muullllderrrr!

❌ Fox/Dana

❌ Inappropriate Touching (that I am here for)

❌ Casual Scully

❌ Casual Mulder

✔️ Trench Coats

❌ Bad Tie Watch

❌ Glasses Watch

✔️ Taking! It! Personally!: Doggett

50 States: Oklahoma x2 (41/50)

Investigate: Apart

Solve Rate: 40%

✔️ Bechdel Test: Barely

MSR: 🐝

Goriness: 👽👽

Creepiness: 👽👽👽

Humor: 👽

Rewatch Thoughts:

Doggett check-in: Does everyone have to have a tragic backstory? I suppose part of his obtuseness on this case is because his secret wish is for his son to be returned as if no time has passed and for everything to just be fine.

Pregnancy check-in: No mention. Unclear exactly how much time goes by during this episode, if it’s only a few days Scully must be at least 8-10 weeks along.

Missing Mulder: No mention. But I sure miss him a LOT. I’m sure Scully does too. I know it’s not txf episodic way but I wish there were at least references to Scully continuing on her on time to look with Skinner and the Lone Gunmen. They’d keep tracking the UFO data, investigating John Does, etc. They wouldn’t just give up!

How can Scully not know anything about Doggett’s son? Did she really not do a background check on Doggett??

Shades of the Calusari possessed by evil twin creepy kid, with the mom desperately pretending everything’s fine while the clearly creepy child is creeping around.

Why are children’s lullabies so creepy 🤔

[scenes-in-between]

Hellbound

“You ever visited Novi before?” “No, I never have.”

Monica can feel Van Allen’s gaze on her back as she continues toward the car. It’s unsettling, but she resists the urge to look back over her shoulder; she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he’s unnerved her. 

It’s not clear what exactly his deal is. Certainly he wouldn’t be the first small town detective with a chip on his shoulder about the FBI coming around to ask questions. Nor would he be the first man she’s encountered who thinks women don’t belong in law enforcement. But it feels like something more than that; the energy coming off him is dark and almost predatory. Monica learned long ago not to ignore those energies and impressions, even (or perhaps especially) when they are at odds with the way things appear on the outside.

When she rounds the front of the car and reaches for the driver’s side door, she lets herself look up again. Van Allen is still watching her, but to her relief, John exits the church just then, and the detective turns toward him instead.

“What’d I tell you?” he says. “Waste of time.”

John glances across the driveway at Monica before responding. “A man was murdered, Detective. Now he might not have been a Boy Scout, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do what we can to find his killer.”

“Funny. I would’ve thought the FBI had bigger things to worry about than why some low-life nobody got himself killed. You must be real busy if you go chasing after every little thing that comes your way.” 

The sneer in Van Allen’s voice gives Monica a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Victor Potts didn’t just piss somebody off in a bar fight and end up shot,” John says. “Even you have to admit the way he died was pretty unusual. I haven’t seen something like that since I was working a lot of gang cases, and I wouldn’t think you get a lot of that kinda activity out here in Novi.”

Van Allen shrugs. “A little here and there. This isn’t exactly South Central. But it doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots and figure out Potts probably made himself some enemies in prison. You drove here from D.C. yourself, Agent Doggett. You know the city’s not all that far away.”

It’s not lost on Monica that this is, essentially, the very same argument John made last night. She’s grateful, then, that he doesn’t simply agree with the detective now.

“Maybe so,” he says. “Maybe there’s something else goin’ on. If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not close a case based solely on an assumption of the facts.”

Instead of answering, Van Allen turns his head to look right at Monica, sending another chill down her spine. “Well, it looks like your partner is waiting for you, Agent Doggett. I wouldn’t want to keep you from your important work.”

Monica breaks eye contact, not even caring in that moment if it makes her look weak; she can’t bear another second locked eye-to-eye with him. She opens the car door, sits down inside, and puts the key in the ignition, not looking up again until John gets in the car.

***

Doggett reaches for his seatbelt as Monica starts the car.

“Thank you,” she says quietly.

“For what?”

“I know you think Van Allen’s right, that Victor Potts probably just got on someone’s bad side, maybe while he was in prison. But I appreciate that you’re willing to see the case through anyway.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Since when do you need to thank me for doing my job? Now I might not understand what it is about this particular case that’s got you all tied up in knots, but I meant what I said to Lisa Holland in there, that there’s justice to be served. Regardless of whether or not he’s right, Detective Van Allen clearly hasn’t done his due diligence, and you know that sort of thing is never gonna sit well with me.”

She looks over at him, smiling, before turning her attention back to the road. “And that’s one of the reasons you’re not just a good agent, but a good man, too.”

“Well, no need to act all surprised,” he says, and she laughs.

He has to admit, though, that he’s still puzzled as to why they’re on this case at all. Lisa Holland said that Monica contacted her about it, not the other way around, as Doggett had assumed. 

“Tell me something,” he says. “If Lisa Holland wasn’t the one who contacted you about this case, how did you find out about it?”

He sees her shoulders tense. “I… I read about it.”

“What, over the wire?” he asks, frowning. “Talk about a needle in a haystack. Were you looking for something in particular or what?”

“No, it’s more like… this case found me.”

He waits for her to elaborate, but she doesn’t say anything more. She gets like this sometimes, clearly holding something back, but he knows it’s not because she’s trying to keep the upper hand or keep him in the dark about something important.

No, when she gets like this, it’s because she’s afraid of looking foolish.

Doggett can’t honestly say he buys a lot of the stuff that she talks about, feeling “energies” and that sort of thing. But he knows Monica is a good agent. She’s smart and cares a hell of a lot more than most people. So it doesn’t matter, most of the time, if she wants to believe in auras or ghosts or whatever. More often than not, they end up on the same page by the time a case is closed, even if they don’t agree on how exactly they got there. No matter how this case ended up on her radar, it’s here now, and he’ll see it through.

Would’ve been nice if she could’ve waited until morning to bring him in on it, though. He stifles a yawn.

“Well, where do you want to go next with this? Back to the office to run backgrounds, or is there anything else in Novi you think we should check out first?”

“I think backgrounds are the logical next step, yes,” Monica says, nodding. “We need to know more about Potts’s connections, in prison and otherwise. I’ve also asked Dana to look for any cases with a similar M.O. or cause of death.”

“You think there’s a chance we’re looking for someone who’s done this before and was never caught?”

She’s quiet a moment, then says, “I think it would take a certain type of person to do something like this. Not just the cruelty of it, but the precision. This is someone who has either done this before, or they’ve been planning for a long time, maybe after they saw someone else do the same thing.”

The precision, Doggett has to admit, is the one thing that has given him pause. Sure, he’s seen skinnings before, but they’ve generally been rushed, sloppy, and more often than not, inflicted after death. Whoever killed Victor Potts was skilled, and patient, more interested in prolonging the victim’s torture than just leaving a threat to some rival gang.

“Yeah, you may be right,” he says. “Last thing we’d want is for this to be someone just getting started.”

He sees a shiver go through Monica. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” she says quietly.

***

Background checks are tedious even under the best circumstances, but by early afternoon, Monica can see that the tedium combined with the lack of sleep is really taking a toll on John. His eyes keep drifting closed, and he’s had the file on his desk open to the same page for the last fifteen minutes.

As much as she hates to admit it, they aren’t making much progress. Even sustained as she has been by caffeine, adrenaline, and nicotine gum, Monica knows that the sleepless night is starting to catch up with her, too. She wants to solve this case -- needs to solve it -- but sheer force of will is only going to get her so far. 

“Okay,” she says, clicking ‘print’ on the document she’d been reading, a report about potential instances of death premonitions. “I think we’ve hit a point of diminishing returns here. I say we take some work home with us and call it a day.”

John looks up. “You go on ahead. Truth be told, I don’t think I’m in any shape to get behind the wheel of my truck right now. I’ll grab a nap here and head home a little later.”

Guilt hits her then. If he’s willing to freely admit that he’s too tired to drive safely, he must be completely exhausted. And it’s her fault. This case is important, yes, but did she really need to haul him out of bed in the middle of the night to come look at Victor Potts’s body, or could it have waited until morning? It had felt critical and urgent in the moment, but now she’s not so sure.

“You know what? I have a better idea. Come with me. My apartment is all of ten minutes away, and my couch is way more comfortable than the floor in here.”

“It’s fine, really, I just need--”

“Please, John. I owe you. Let me buy you dinner to make up for dragging you out of bed in the middle of the night. After we’ve both had some rest, I’ll get something delivered.”

He opens his mouth like he’s about to argue more, then pauses. “Yeah, all right. Gotta admit, that sounds pretty good to me.”

She smiles. “Let’s go, then.”

[randomfoggytiger]

X-Files Fics: Just Another Day on the Oil Rig by Vickie Moseley

Mulder spends most of this fic doggedly snapping and snarling in the corner over the villainous John Doggett. Scully and Skinner may be duped; but the more Mulder learns about Doggett's behavior (meeting Scully by blind-siding her, clogging up their investigations all those months, etc.) the more he steams and fumes.

A little trip to the Gulf of Mexico, some epically sarcastic inner monologue, and some reflection on Doggett's simple inquiries into why he does what he does gives Mulder pause; and enables him to hand over his beloved files without feeling like he's betrayed himself.

This, to me, is the BEST interpretation of Mulder during Vienen-- and also one of the best at capturing S8 Mulder's sardonic mood, tender heart, and revitalized (heh) perspective. Love it too much.

Quote:

""I notice the helicopter we're sitting in looks pretty stripped down and the crew is all military. When Scully calls out the troops, she means business.

"We made it," Doggett says, as if I couldn't deduce that one for myself. "

Yeah, I see that," I assure him. I cough up half a lung of water, stopping Doggett just before he slaps me on the back. "Would you kindly stop hitting me?" I ask politely when I can talk again.

"Sorry. For a minute I thought I'd hafta use CPR," he admits.

Not on this planet, I start to tell him but one of the crew members interrupts us.""

Just Another Day on the Oil Rig here

Vickie Moseley here (also: Ao3, Gossamer)

[vampirewalterskinner]

We don’t hide gold in the tags @queerrocket !

Luckily for Fox, Dana’s mom adores him. Sometimes he gets lucky and she answers the phone when he calls and he spends a pleasant 10 minutes chatting with her before Dana finally takes the phone from her mom and asks Fox why he called. The real trouble is if Dana’s big brother Bill ever answers the phone. He does NOT like Fox. (He respects Walter, though, which is funny because Walter actually hates him for being a dick to Fox lol)

Maybe Doggett’s a little shy about letting people know he loves to cook with his mama but he never felt like he had to hide that from the gang. Even with how annoying Alex and Jeffrey could be, John still trusted them and he was right to do so.

I’m imagining the insane number of times the gang would play spin the bottle to address their feelings without having to open their mouths or their hearts. Maybe Monica is the first to ever suggest it, but ever since then it’s how they all get what they want without being honest with themselves or each other 😂 I think, eventually, Fox and Dana would be the first two to be brave and make a move on each other without the game. Walter, on the other hand, they have to ambush with their love. Despite him being popular and well loved and respected by everyone he meets, he doesn’t feel like he’s good enough for them. After that, though, I think he’d relax a little and have some more confidence. And then make his move on John lol

The funny part is, when Dana and Fox become official and everyone at school knows, everyone just views Walter as their friend/third wheel. They have no idea that Walter is romantically involved with the both of them. He doesn’t correct anyone, though. He’s a very private person so he’s fine with people not knowing his real place among them.

Alex and Jeffrey are actually the wild couple no one expected. Although everyone suspects the relationship was born out of a falling out between Alex and Fox and Jeffrey was doing his best to be the annoying little brother, but it actually isn’t true. Alex and Jeffrey genuinely like each other. Jeffrey actually spends most of his time keeping an eye on Alex and doting after him when his teen angst gets a little too much. (Fox is surprisingly okay with the relationship, but he’s not completely comfortable with his little brother having to take care of Alex as often as he does. Worries Alex might take Jeffrey down with him.)

Monica and Dana being the only girls in the group is a blessing and a curse. The curse is that they’re extremely aware of how much the boys stare. Yes, it’s flattering and often wanted, but at the same time they have work to do and the boys act stupid when they’re distracted. The blessing is that since they’re the only girls, they get a tent all to themselves when the gang goes camping 💖 Monica is very thrilled by this 😂 Also, there was definitely one night the girls decided to paint their nails and the boys didn’t want to be left out so everyone paired up and got their nails done in the basement together. Jeffrey, Walter, and John all removed it by the time they had school again out of fear. Fox and Alex were the only boys who didn’t care and kept it.

God, I feel like I need to touch on the parent situation in the next one…

High School AU where the X-Files gang go on wild (and sometimes stupid) teen adventures in search of the supernatural and the unexplained in their town.

Fox Mulder —17, used to be on the baseball team but quit for unknown reasons, an outcast, almost a rebel bad boy except he doesn’t get girls ever, a believer

Dana Scully — 17, in like every science club imaginable, valedictorian, skeptic

Walter Skinner — 18, the oldest in the group, class president and star football player, a secret believer

John Doggett — 18, also on the football team, the popular kid, a major skeptic

Monica Reyes — 17, works summers as a camp counselor, reads palms in the cafeteria for five bucks a hand, believer

Alex Krycek — 17, also used to be on the baseball team and quit when Fox did, the actual rebel bad boy (but Gay™️), a believer

Jeffrey Spender — 16, the youngest, no clubs and no outstanding talents, his only hobby is proving that he’s better than his big half-brother by doing nothing amazing at all lmao, a skeptic

[greifed]

“   you’ve got a good rep, agent doggett. you don’t compromise, you don’t quit. you’re a damn good fbi agent; best of the best. lot of guys put you in the director’s chair one day.                   WHICH IS WHY YOU’VE BEEN SET UP TO FAIL.

john doggett of fox’s the x-files. profiled by linny. headcanon based & selective.

[ghostbustermelanieking]

snippets from an msr historical au

cleaning out my 2019 fic closet lol. this is excerpts of a historical au i did, based on a short au prompt i wrote in june here. it takes place in 1850s new york where scully and emily are irish immigrants who befriend mulder when he offers to tutor emily. i wrote these snippets months ago and it'll probably go unfinished, but i liked it too much to not share. so here is my scattered sense of world building. 

---

Melissa had been the one to suggest the name. She had been there in the birthing room, the only one left after her mother had traveled to America with Bill and her father was gone and Charlie was in England. Daniel had been elsewhere, of course, it wasn't proper for husbands to be in the birthing room, and he upheld tradition stronger than she did, so it was Melissa and her friend the midwife, Melissa holding her hand, Melissa handing her the squalling babe. She had passed out from the pain and felt a rush of relief when she woke up again; she had feared she wouldn't wake up again after it was all over. She knew many women who had never met their children. Melissa had brought the baby back, the tiny child with their mother's eyes and a patch of bright hair, and Dana had filled with relief. If she had no one else in this marriage, which had long grown sour, she would have her daughter. 

Melissa had suggested Emily because she loved Wuthering Heights, recently republished under the true name of its author. "It's a beautiful name, Dana, and perhaps, if she's lucky, she'll receive even an ounce of the creativity that comes with it," she had said, clutching the tiny hand in hers. "What a wonderful thing that would be." 

That had been enough to convince her. Emily Margaret, she'd said, for her mother, far away in the heartlands of a country she would never see, and for her stepdaughter, who hated her fiercely, though she didn't live with them anymore. The girl hated her, for taking the place of her mother, but Dana saw it as a chance to make peace with the both of them. It did not work, though; Maggie had not had any interest in her sister, or in her stepmother, and Dana had long given up trying. Given up on the whole family, her husband included: he took little interest in her or his daughter, and when he did, it was in a possessive sort of manner that made her skin crawl. The medical lessons she'd received as a young woman were long gone, and he saw her only as the keeper of the house and of his child. He wanted more, but she refused. 

When he'd died on the voyage over, a small, shameful part of her had been relieved. She would not have to pretend to love him anymore, to feel the same way as she had all those years before. But she had feared so greatly for her daughter, that the illness would take one of them, too. She knew life would be hard without a husband, as was the cruel and unfair way of the world (her mother had told her as a little girl as she braided her hair), but it would be impossible for Emily without her. She would end up alone in some horrible orphanage, neglected and abandoned. And Dana could not imagine life without her daughter now, imagine being alone in the city she'd heard so much about. She could not go out west alone, and she could not survive alone. She remembered lying in her small, cold, hard bunk, holding Emily's small figure close, her lips to her hot forehead and murmuring a prayer. And God had heard her prayers. Her daughter had lived, and she looked more and more like Melissa every day. 

Emily often has questions about this, the family she will never know. When the two of them are lying in their bed, behind the makeshifts wall John had built to separate their tiny space from the rest of the equally tiny apartment (he and Barbara sleep in a bed on the other side, adjacent to the stove, and their boy Luke sleeps in a pallet on the floor), she will whisper questions about her father, her half sister, her aunt and her uncles and her grandparents. But it is often Daniel and Maggie, the family she will never know. "Did they love me?" she whispers. "Was Papa kind? Was Maggie beautiful?"

Dana offers some truths and some falsehoods, knowing she will never see either of them again, and therefore her stories will never be contradicted. Yes, Maggie was beautiful, although she mostly remembers a girl not ten years younger than her calling her a whore and a witch and a false mother. Yes, they loved her. No, Emily will never know her sister, because though she did love Emily (although Dana does not know if this is true), she did not feel the same for Dana. There is a picture that Daniel had made before they went, of Maggie, her hair combed nearly and gathered up, wearing her best dress, her cheeks thin, and Emily sitting on her lap, her face twisted with displeasure at having to sit still for quite so long. Emily loves to look at it, and of the faded portrait of the two of them on their wedding day, though Dana does not feel the same. But she allows Emily these frivolities. She cannot give her much more than that. 

---

She meets him by accident one Sunday, her one and only day off from the factory. She and Emily go to Mass every Sunday, of course, and then she spends much of the day helping Barbara to clean, cook, do the laundry (she always does hers and Emily's, at least; though Barbara has the time in the day to do it, she will not accept the favor). She takes a rest, sometimes, or she spends time with Emily, playing jacks or cards (Luke Doggett taught her to gamble, and she cannot shake the habit), or with the worn rag doll she and Melissa had made for her in Ireland, or reading to her. Her favorite is a newer one by a man named Melville. Dana relishes the time alone with her daughter, as she is often too tired to do anything like this after work. She has meant to teach Emily to read and write herself, considering that she's too young to start school yet, and John claims that most children already know a bit before they begin school, but she's barely had the time to teach her more than a few words. Sometimes on Sundays, they have a brief lesson, but there is so little time in the week. 

One Sunday, after Dana has hung the laundry, and scrubbed the floor, and washed the dishes, she decides to go and find Emily, thinking they can read another chapter of Melville, perhaps. (She likes the book, she will admit; it reminds her of her father and his stories of the sea.) She expects to find Emily on the tail of Luke and his friends—they are much older than her, but her lonely girl still follows her around like he is the brother she'll never have—but Luke claims he has not seen her. She finds her, finally, on the steps of the building, an old reader Luke had kept open on her lap, squinting furiously at the page. A man is sitting beside her, pointing out the words on the page, speaking in a calm and patient voice. Dana recognizes the man immediately as their neighbor, Mr. Mulder, a schoolteacher who she has spoken to in the hall before. She's seen him occasionally playing with the young boys in the building, or talking with the men and women about books, plays, politics, scientific discoveries. She'd had a particular long discussion with him once on the effects of anesthesia in medicine, which Daniel had commented on several times.

"Emily," she says, and Emily scrambles to her feet and runs to her side, beaming with excitement. "Mama, this is Mr. Mulder, the schoolteacher," she says in a rush, tugging at her skirt. "He saw me trying to read and he offered to help!" 

"He did?" She strokes the top of her daughter's head, messy from where she's taken it out of her braids, stealing a look at the man. 

"My apologies, Miss Scully," Mr. Mulder offers, getting to his feet. "I didn't mean to intrude… I only wanted to help, if I could."

"It's not an intrusion," Dana says, but she is still wary. "I have been trying to teach her, but I often cannot find the time, and she's so desperate to learn. She's still too young for school yet." And privately, Dana worries about what Emily will go through when she enters school, considering the anger New Yorkers have for immigrants. There is a Catholic school she's looking at, simply because it seems like the best option, but it still is too easy to worry. 

"Mama," Emily whispers, tugging her skirt again as if she finds her embarrassing. 

Mr. Mulder smiles a bit. "Your daughter is very intelligent. She should have no trouble catching up."

"I'm six years old," Emily informs Mr. Mulder, her back automatically straightening as if to look older. "In a year's time, Mama says she can put me in school."

"I'm sure you're very excited," Mr. Mulder says, without even a hint of indulgence in his voice. Emily nods, a little shyly. Mr. Mulder seems to be thinking a bit on the subject, but he speaks soon after. "Perhaps if your mother permits it," he says, speaking as much to Dana as to Emily, "I could tutor you in my spare time. Teach you your letters and give you a head start on reading."

Emily's eyes light up, shyness forgotten, and she tugs pleadingly on Dana's skirt. "That would be wonderful!" she breathes. "Please, Mama, can't I do it?"

"I don't know, Em… I wouldn't want to impose on Mr. Mulder's time." The man certainly seems smart enough to educate her daughter, but it seems too large a favor to ask of a complete stranger. It is also worth noting that she doesn't know the man very well outside of polite conversations in the hallway. She offers Mr. Mulder an apologetic smile. 

"It's not an imposition at all," he says. "I would be glad to do it."

Dana bites her lower lip, her hand on her daughter's boney shoulder. "I-I could not afford to pay you anything," she says softly, although that may be obvious. None of them are wealthy—that is why they live here. But she may be a step down from the rest, staying in the corner of a friend's apartment with a screen instead of a wall, using her meager earnings to buy unsubstantial meals and pay a portion of the rent. If she had the money, she would get Emily and herself their own place, but she's got something of a disadvantage in that area. There isn't much she can do to rectify it. 

Mr. Mulder shakes his head immediately. "No money is required," he says, his voice full of sincerity. "I would be glad to do it as a favor."

"I could not ask that of you…" she tries, but he halts her protests quickly. "Do not worry about it," he says. "When I was younger, my little sister was not allowed to go to school as I was, and she wanted to learn as badly as Emily. I tried to teach her, but I wasn't very good at it." He offers a rueful little smile. "I would be glad to be able to give someone else the opportunity where I couldn't give it to her."

Emily tugs at her skirt again and whispers, "Please." 

Dana chews her lower lip again and sighs. "If you are absolutely sure it would not be a problem, Mr. Mulder," she says. "I know Emily would appreciate that very much." 

Overjoyed, Emily bounces up and down on her toes with excitement. Mr. Mulder smiles at the both of them widely. "I can assure you it won't be a problem, Miss Scully," he tells her. "It will be my pleasure."

---

They practice reading each night, at least for a little while. Even when Dana is so tired she can scarcely keep her eyes open, they spend a few minutes going over Mr. Mulder's lessons, if nothing else. Emily has always been a fast learner, and within a couple of months, she is able to stumble through a page or two of Moby-Dick. Dana is incredibly proud. She can remember her own lessons in reading and other forms of education: her father had taught her often when she was younger, alongside Billy and Melissa, but the lessons had more or less stopped at a certain point. Past that, she had more or less taught herself with books of her father's, watching Bill and her father as they worked, more books still from Daniel's vast library. She never wanted that lapse in education for her daughter; it may be inevitable at some point, but she'll do what she can to prevent it. 

Emily seems to adore Mr. Mulder as much as she does the lessons. "He is funny, Mama," she tells her in the second week, after she's retrieved her and thanked Mr. Mulder profusely. "And kind, just like John is. Much kinder than the other men in the building. Luke says he's the best schoolteacher he's ever had, and he's very smart and fair to the other children."

"He sounds very nice," says Dana, swinging their hands between them. 

"He is." She looks up at her with Missy's eyes. "Was Papa like that?" she asks. 

Her voice is so high and innocent, it makes Dana want to cry. No, she thinks, biting her lower lip. She says out loud, "I-I could not say, Em. I don't know Mr. Mulder well enough to make a comparison between him and your father."

Emily nods, her face serious. She looks down at her shoes, almost self-consciously. "I would like to believe that Papa was like Mr. Mulder," she says softly, and Dana squeezes her daughter's hand tightly. "I-I imagine him reading to me some nights, and helping me read. Y-you could take turns. And he could buy me pretty things, perhaps, and teach me all that he knows, like John does for Luke. Do you think he would have, Mama?"

"I know he would have," says Dana. It may be a bit of a lie, but that hardly seems to matter as much as her daughter's happiness. 

---

Mulder had done it, originally, because Emily Scully reminded her of his sister. He'd seen her as often as the other children in the apartment building, sometimes hovering after Luke Doggett the way that Samantha had followed him. But more often, he'd seen her by herself, playing alone on the front steps with a ragged doll in hand, or trying desperately to read, hunched over a ragged old reader and struggling out loud to sound out words, dress muddy, pigtails unraveling. And he had thought of Samantha, sneaking reading lessons in the back of their immaculate library, trying to climb up a tree and ripping a hole in her stockings. It had been enough to cause him to offer up free tutoring, on an impulse, remembering his sister and how frustrated she used to get whenever he would leave for school and she would have to stay home. He hadn't been lying about that. 

But a part of it was because of his admiration for her mother, Miss Dana Scully, who he'd seen in the halls often beforehand. She is beautiful, and intelligent, and there is something about her that simply draws Mulder to her, in a way he cannot explain. He is sure it won't go anywhere past friendship—Emily has reported that her father died only a few years before, on their trip over from Ireland, and Mulder himself has never particularly expected to be married—but he still enjoys any opportunity to spend time in her company. Particularly the talks they have when she drops by to retrieve Emily after shifts at the factory; they often last long, while they discuss books or plays or scientific theories, anything of the sort. Sometimes, he will ask Emily and Miss Scully to stay and share in his supper, sparse as it is; other times, Miss Scully will invite him to share leftovers of John Doggett's, or whatever cooking she has done herself. Sometimes, he fears he is bothering her, but other times, it seems as if she might like him a bit, too. He cannot tell for sure. 

He tells himself it does not matter. He is here mostly to save money, so that he can travel. He hears there is opportunity in the west, but he would be fooling himself if he cited that as the reason. It does not matter to him where he ends up; all that matters is that he finds his sister and brings her home, after all of these years. 

But still, he enjoys tutoring Emily. She's a bright young girl, a quick learner, and sweet. He does not know anything of her father aside from his death, but she still undeniably resembles her mother in every way he can see. He teaches her a bit of mathematics after she's gained some talent in reading and writing, and she enjoys that immensely. She has a load of questions for him every time she sees him: about stars, about history, about how things work and why they happen and where places are. Sometimes, Miss Scully will answer her before he can even open his mouth, blushing a little after and looking at him as if to see if he minds. He never does.

---

She shows up at his door after midnight, her face white, shaking. Emily at her side, curled into her with a blanket wrapped around her shoulder, her face hidden in Miss Scully's skirt, crying softly. For a second, Mulder doesn't know what to do, what to say. "Miss Scully, is… is everything okay?" he stammers, clutching his door in one hand. He sees a sudden splotch of red on her dress, alarming and bright. "Are you hurt?" he stammers. 

She's shaking her head. "No, no, Mr. Mulder, it's not that, it's just…" She swallows hard, her eyes wide and helpless. "I-I need you to take care of Emily. I need to leave her here. Please."

Emily seems to clutch Miss Scully's skirt harder at that, shaking her head and crying more frantically. She mumbles something that sounds a bit like, "Don't leave me, Mama, don't leave me."

Mulder takes a sharp breath and opens the door wider. "Come in, come in," he says, and Miss Scully does, stroking Emily's mussed hair with quivering fingers. "W-what has happened, Miss Scully? Perhaps I can help."

Miss Scully clenches her chin and shakes her head, her face turned down towards her daughter. "I-I cannot… I do not have time for this, Mr. Mulder. I… Please. Please, Mr. Mulder, I have to leave, they will be coming for me."

"Who?" On an impulse, he reaches out and takes her free hand. It is cold and soft, and as he draws it closer, he sees the same glimpses of red, red crescents under her fingernails. "Who is it, Miss Scully? Who is coming for you?"

Emily's sobs are heart wrenching, even muffled by Miss Scully's skirt. Miss Scully looks to be on the verge of tears herself. She does not pull her hand away. "The… the police," she whispers. 

"The police?" Mulder's mind tightens in fear as he remembers something suddenly, something he has often forgotten: the Irish are not well liked here. He wonders if these prejudices have somehow found the Scullys. "What has happened?"

Miss Scully bites her lower lip before lifting her chin so that her clear, blue eyes meet his. "There… there was a fight at a bar," she says tentatively. "John's son was involved, and so he intervened, and was injured. They followed him home. I… intervened, and I… harmed a man in an attempt to protect the Doggetts and my daughter." Her chin quivers once, steadies. She presses a hand over her daughter's head, spreading her fingers over her scalp. "He's dead," she whispers. "And he… he was police. So they'll be coming for me, to arrest me, and I… I will not find mercy here. I have learned that much."

His mind racing, he stammers, "But that… that is not murder, Miss Scully… that is self defense. A-any jury would see that."

She laughs bitterly. "But who can prove it? Emily did not see, and Barbara and John had already slipped down the fire escape. The only witnesses are the men who would have me arrested. And I will be convicted. Americans do not have any sympathy for women of my background." She swallows again, her pale white throat, a bruise blooming underneath her jaw. The sight of it makes Mulder furious. He is still clutching her limp hand. "S-so I am begging you, please take my daughter," she whispers. "She adores you. Take her, a-and take the money I have saved, and you can send her west, to my brother's house… I have to go. If they catch me, I can't let them get her. And if I escape…"

"Please, Mama, please don't go," Emily whimpers, drawing back, her cheeks smeared her tears. "Don't leave me alone, Mama, please."

"I have to, sweetheart." Miss Scully leans down to kiss her daughter's hair. Mulder can see her tears falling, glistening in the candlelight. "I must. But you will be safe here…"

"I cannot do this," says Mulder, speaking abruptly, almost without thinking. 

Miss Scully's eyes widen with horror, and she pulls back her hand as she looks up at him. "You… you will not help me?" she whispers furiously. "After everything, I-I thought you cared for my daughter… cared for me, as a friend…"

"N-no, Miss Scully, y-you misunderstand," he stammers, his eyes wide. "I will protect Emily, of course I will protect Emily, but I… I will not leave you to be arrested."

Her eyes widen in surprise. "You are foolish to offer this," she whispers. "If they catch me… you cannot hide me here, Mr. Mulder."

"I cannot," he agrees. "But I can get you out of the city. You and your daughter both." His mind is racing, full of ideas. "I-I have friends I trust, a house I could take you to tonight. And tomorrow, we-we could go to my mother's house, in Massachusetts, for the time being. The two of you could stay there until… until we figure out a way to get you to your brother's."

Miss Scully is quiet, her eyes wide. Emily, leaning into her mother, is looking between the two of them curiously, like she is hopeful that this will happen. "You will be safe," Mulder adds. "Both of you. I promise you that."

"I could not ask that of you, Mr. Mulder," Miss Scully whispers. "It is too much."

"It's not." Mulder thinks of the money, put aside to search for Samantha. Enough for three train tickets north at least, if not a little left over after to fund a trip to wherever Miss Scully's brother is. A part of him is reluctant to spend the money he has been saving for so long—part of him feels like he is abandoning his sister, his family—but the rest of him is remembering Samantha at seven, at eight, more caring and compassionate than anyone in his family. She rescued animals (kittens, baby birds, piglets from the barn), knitted things with their mother to send to the local orphanage, shared her food with the servants on occasion and stole food from the pantry for the family down the road who never had enough food. She would want him to help them; he can still picture her wide, teary eyes, her weepy voice prodding him to help them, help them, Fox. And he wants to. He looks at Dana Scully and her daughter, the best companions he's found in the past few months, and he knows immediately that he must help them. He has no choice. 

"I have money," he says out loud. "I can get you out of the city. I can help you. Both of you."

"Please, Mama, you must come with us. We can't leave you all alone." Emily hugs her mother hard around the waist, sniffling loudly. "I need you, Mama, please."

Miss Scully looks to her daughter, and then back to Mulder. Her eyes are still wide with fear. She sighs a little, tensely, and whispers, "I'll need to pack some things. My savings…" 

"If you tell me what you need, I'll go and get it. You should not have to go back there."

Miss Scully rattles off a list in a quivering voice: clothes for the both of them, a knife that her father gave her, her bundle of coins underneath the bed. Emily tugs on his sleeve and adds softly, "And my dolly, please. And the picture of my sister Maggie, and of Mama's family. There's two of them."

Mulder slips out of his apartment and into theirs and finds it all, bundling it into a ragged carpet bag. He grabs their coats, too, and the family Bible under the bed, and a pistol he finds in John Doggett's part of the apartment. He tucks the pistol into his waistband and goes back to his apartment, where he finds the girls sitting on his bed, Emily curled up asleep in her mother's lap. "There is no need to wake her," he says when he sees Miss Scully moving to do just that. "I can carry her. It may be easier if she is asleep." 

She nods, taking the carpet bag from his hands. "I… I cannot begin to thank you, Mr. Mulder," she whispers, shifting Emily off of her lap and standing. 

He's begun to gather his own things, shoving his feet into his boots, retrieving his own savings. He puts a few books he cannot bear to part with into his bag, and a drawing he's held onto for years now, a portrait his father commissioned of Samantha. Photography was not in fashion when he and his sister were growing up, and so this drawing is the only memory he has as to what she looked like. "There is no need for thanks."

"You've done too much for us," Miss Scully whispers. She's put on her coat, and Emily's coat, and now she is tying a piece of cloth over her head—he assumes, to hide her bright hair. Her voice, soft as it's been all night, sounds a little different, as if she's trying to sand off the edges of the accent, attempting to sound different. "I… will find a way someday to repay you."

"It is not at all necessary." He shoulders his bag, grabs his hat and pulls it onto his head, before leaning down and scooping up Emily. She is a bit tall to be carried, but much lighter than he expected, barely weighing anything in his arms. She stays asleep, her coat and the blanket hanging off of her lightly. He shifts her in his arms and turns back to Miss Scully. "Shall we go?"

Miss Scully nods, her fingers rushing to button her coat. She grabs her carpet bag, clutching it to her chest, and trails out of the apartment after him. 

 ---

She was twenty-one the first time she was married, at the end of the famine that had plagued her teenage years. She remembered being frightened, if only a little bit. She'd met Daniel a few times beforehand, and though at the time he'd seemed kind and honorable, she found it bizarre that his young daughter was only seven years younger than her. Practically the right age enough to court her younger brother. She hadn't wanted it for herself, it was the last thing she'd wanted in a way, and yet she could not protest. She could feel her mother watching Melissa as she helped her to get ready, and knew she was thinking about the disappointment Melissa had given her by refusing to marry, even driving away potential suitors. Her sister was going to have the life she wanted, and Dana was going to take her place as the honorable daughter, the one who did what she was supposed to do and did not argue. She wasn't marrying Daniel Waterston for herself, but for her father, because it was what he wanted, and she could not stand to let him or her mother down. Her father walked her down the aisle, and she wore the veil her mother had worn when she'd gotten married, and she'd wished to be somewhere else. 

Now here she is again, in front of an altar with a man, but her father is dead, and she hasn't seen her mother or sister in years, and her daughter sleeps in the room upstairs, and she is twenty-eight and grimy and dressed in a dress that is too large for her because her own dress has bloodstains on it. She does not feel like a bride. The only good difference, she thinks, is that she knows her husband-to-be better than she perhaps ever knew Daniel. She knows he is intelligent and kind, and willing to protect herself and her daughter. And no matter the reason for this impromptu, inconvenient marriage, she is glad for at least that. 

Mr. Mulder is holding her hands, so gently in his, and he's not quite meeting her eyes, but she can still see kindness in his face. She doesn't quite have the courage to look at him, either, and so she looks down at her boots. Mr. Frohike, their witness, stands in the corner. The preacher, a friend of Mr. Frohike, stands before them without asking questions. He simply opens the Bible and says the words, all the right ones. Dana and Mr. Mulder say what they are meant to, too, and then it is done. They do not kiss, not even chastely. There is no music or flowers or white dresses. Dana could not care less. 

Just before the ceremony, Mr. Mulder leaned down to whisper in her ear, saying, "I promise you I will be a gentleman, Miss Scully. This marriage is for the safety of you and your daughter. It doesn’t have to mean a thing." 

She blushed immediately, heat rising on her cheeks, and looked to the ground. "I cannot thank you enough, Mr. Mulder," she had said softly. "And you need not worry. I trust you." 

When she looked back at him, he was smiling. "Perhaps we should do away with the formalities, Miss Scully."

"Perhaps," she had agreed, a bit amused. "I won't be a Miss anymore, after all." She offered him a small smile back, still unbelieving that he was helping her so much, that he was willing to hide and marry a murderess. A man she barely knew. "Shall I call you Fox?" she asks. 

Mr. Mulder had flinched, just a bit, and shook his head. "Perhaps… just Mulder, if you do not mind. I have never liked my first name, and most people I know call me Mulder."

It's unusual, but it's no more unusual than the rest of this situation. Dana smiles and nods. "Well, you may call me Dana or Scully, I suppose," she said lightly, unsure of why except that he has always called her Miss Scully, like she has always called him Mr. Mulder. "Whichever appeals to you."

"Which appeals to you more, Miss Scully?" he'd asked, teasing, and then the preacher had been ready, and now here they are. 

Once, she had believed she would never get married again. Now, she is married, and she has no idea whether or not it counts. 

Mr. Mulder—Mulder—keeps hold of her hand as they go back upstairs to Emily. It's the first time anyone has held her hand in years, and she is surprised by how nice it feels, his warm and callused fingers wrapped around hers. Daniel's hands had been cool, his touch unyielding, his voice the same faux-polite sound it always was as he talked to everyone but her. Mulder's hands are gentle, holding her hand carefully—not as if it is fragile and may break, but as if it is something precious, something he cares for. She knows this is not quite the case, it cannot be, but it is nice to pretend, for just a moment, that this is a true marriage, that she and Mulder love each other as a husband and wife should. 

[carefulfears]

@amplifyme thank you lovely! answering these one by one <3

top 5 secondary characters

(cheating a bit and answering this to mean anyone not M&S)

1/ alex krycek

i'm a little bit obsessed with him...union-sponsored krycek girl above all else.

he's a hired assassin that constantly accidentally kills the wrong person. he's a key figure in a decades long conspiracy, and plays for both teams. depending on seemingly nothing more than his little moods. he can fuck his way to the top of any russian gulag or united nations committee. he holds mulder at gunpoint then kisses his cheek. no one knows why. he destroys the only thing that could save mulder's life with a smile, then a month later, tells him that he has always prayed he would win.

after his death, it surprises no one to see his ghost linger behind mulder's shoulder.

is it rivalry or devotion? is it sabotage or incompetence? is it truth or lies? no one knows! least of all him!

2/ walter skinner

this one part of audries' fluorescence and night on all sides:

Skinner has the uncanny ability to materialize at the cusp of disaster. He's a footnote to their tragedy. No, that's not right. He's the one writing the footnotes, filling in the blanks in the best way he can. It strikes her that he will outlive them all, in the end.

he is the setting for the conclusion of all of their adventures, whether it's being chewed out in his office or held in the west virginia snow. he bears witness to all of their testimonies, reads all of their reports. he sells his soul to the devil to keep theirs intact.

when scully won't let mulder go by himself, skinner is the person she trusts with her person. he cries with her when he comes back alone.

he's the first to know about their baby, and eighteen years later, still the first to protect him.

he's a hardass sometimes, it is exhausting to write the footnotes to this particular story, but he loves those crazy agents from the basement of his. and he's forever waiting for them to come back and keep up the fight, bother his assistant, put another statement on his desk.

3/ john doggett

whenever i think about doggett, i think about his first case on the x-files. and how it was scully's first case without mulder, ever, and how hard she was trying to appear sure, how hard she was trying "to be mulder."

until that one moment in the car when she said "maybe i'm wrong." and confessed to him that she doubts herself, that making these leaps doesn't come naturally to her. that maybe she's just trying too hard.

and doggett told her that he didn't go to oxford. that he doesn't know anything about the paranormal. but he doesn't think she's wrong.

"i'm no fox mulder, but i can tell when a man's hiding something."

it says so much about his character to me that he would show up on day 1 of the job that no one wants, that was a punishment, that everyone makes fun of him for, having stayed up all weekend reading every file.

it says so much to me that on day 1 he's able to tell her, look, i know that i'm not who you want to do this with. and i might not even be as good at it as he would be. but i think you're doing a good job, and i am following your lead.

doggett is defined in being a by-the-book investigator, but just like skeptic/believer didn't ever really come close to describing the dynamic between mulder and scully, the flipped roles of this new partnership exceed it as well.

where scully's skepticism for many years was to question and fear, doggett's disbelief is grounded in loyalty, and there is no trail that he isn't willing to follow if he thinks it will lead to a solution.

monica was right, he's a dog person, "you're faithful, you're dependable, you're without guile, you're very comfortable to be around."

he brings a "get well soon" card to another agent in the hospital, even before being partnered with her. he runs into open fire to save a man who was nothing but harsh to him. he breaks his emotional support redhead's baby daddy out of military prison, and is willing to face the consequences.

he is ride-or-die, he is steady as a rock, and he is the perfect energy to have around amidst so much change in the later seasons.

4/ the lone gunmen

our boys!! how can you see them and not crack a smile, not instantly feel that the episode is better when the gang is all here?

they participate in last minute heists of government facilities, they babysit, they call to invite you over for cheese steaks and digitized kennedy assassination footage. what can't they do!

of course mulder's only friends are these three conspiracy-obsessed nerds. he is the cool one of this group.

but my favorite thing to see is how much scully grew to love them, and vice versa, over the years. the way they huddle at the loft to dig up dirt on diana, and around scully's kitchen table to discuss next steps post-resurrection.

the way the four of them are mulder's team, and they yell at each other over headsets and jump in the backseat en route to the bermuda triangle.

the way she says they are "the only ones left we can trust" with her baby. and later, in the end, "they meant so much to me."

"the three stooges," "cowardly lion, scarecrow, toto!," there's a reason why their intended one episode arc spanned 11 seasons and 25 years.

5/ monica reyes

scully's tall dark-haired believer who would do anything for her...it must be a law of nature that when one fades away, another has to fill the role.

this show suffers so much without mulder's optimism and belief, and that's really what makes s8 feel so heavy. there's no one there who will trust that time is moving backwards and help or who will jump unquestioning into the fight against alien-baby-snatching doctors.

monica joining the team in s9 is what gives the show that new life, and what makes s9's MOTWs so much better. and just like how doggett's skepticism is not scully's, monica's belief is her own.

she doesn't just want to believe, and she doesn't believe out of trauma or grief, she believes because she feels.

she doesn't come in with any preconceived notions, she just "tries to stay open" and be sensitive to her surroundings.

the x-files are, as leyla harrison says, "in good hands."

(pre-revival CSM is one of the most interesting characters ever to me, i always love watching whatever he's up to. but he doesn't make the list on account of being nasty.)