#Why John Doggett Is the Best

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s8 episode 1 “within” thoughts

did you hear the news? that we are soooo back?

i have so many questions and i am VERY excited. today, we meet a guy named john. john doggett, to be specific. i look forward to learning about him.

the episode description mentions the lone gunmen… is now when their show takes place? i don’t think i’ll watch it at the moment, but maybe someday down the road when i have more time. and i think it has a sad ending anyway, right? so maybe not watching it is the best move. even if i love my friends the gunmen. they can live happily ever after in my head.

seems like we will have a lot of scully and skinner time, which i am jumping for JOY about.

hmm, do you think they’ll change the intro…?

so many questions! let us begin!!

shaking with excitement slash fear slash anticipation… please do not let me down!!

(post-episode thoughts: RAHHHHHHHH. ahem. skinner and scully...

good episode. i don't care for this doggett fellow, but i have a feeling he'll have a redemption arc and i'll grow to like him, which is fine. wondering if the same can be said about kersh, because he seems TOO evil... there has to be more there. but! doggett had that glass of water to the face coming and i support scully losing it. SO MANY MORE THOUGHTS below... but those are the biggest ones i can think of right now!)

is my volume not working or is this really quiet…? i skipped a few minutes ahead to check, and i think my volume just isn’t working. okay, let’s try again.

is this a… well. i have a guess as to what we’re seeing, but i don’t wanna sound presumptuous. baby?

AUGH, mulder and the goop!

ohh!! scully having a nightmare :( of mulder and the goop… is she still in the hospital?? free her!!

woah. that was the whole pre-intro scene. that has to be a record. it lasted, like, 20 whole seconds. they had to get to the good part, i guess.

UPDATED INTRO PICTURES???? WHAT THE HELL??? 

AND THE NEW GUY IS HERE: his name is robert patrick. those are both first names.

i’m so gagged... i never thought those pictures would change, LMAO. maybe that is why people don’t like this season: change.

and the visuals are all different, too! oh, we see a picture of a baby for real this time. mulder is falling!!! an eyeball!!! the truth is out there, bitch!!!

well, that is a LOT to handle, all things considered. i don’t think i’ll ever quite get used to that. which is probably okay. but trust that the truth is still out there. that fact remains eternal.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE X FILES...

and the audio isn’t syncing with their lips!! why must i suffer??

okay, everyone is recapped. scully is here. staring into a mirror. she looks beautiful. however, i do not think she is okay. she stops staring. buttons up her jacket. emphasis on her necklace. and heads to work.

GOD. it’s slow and i’m sad. i am very sad. she just looks so…. out of it. is she walking to the basement? yes. and a guy is down here. with other people. why are they going through all their stuff?? oh, she is MAD!!

they are collecting material for anything that might be pertinent to the manhunt!!!

OHHH, NO ONE TOLD HER….. “if you’re looking for mulder, you’re wasting your time. are you listening to me?” <- ohhh, what is she thinking?? has she given up?? or is it more about the methodology?

OH, SHE SAYS IT IS A STUPID IDEA AND ASKS WHO CAME UP WITH THIS…. she bursts into skinner's office while he is on the phone!!! he is saying that someone could have had the courtesy to tell him. did he not know either?

skinner declares that the manhunt was NOT his idea!!! OH, he says that he told her last night he will find mulder… so this is one day after the events of the last episode. oh my gooood. it’s all so new. but she thinks they will not find him this way. hmm…

i mean, when scully was taken, she was just kind of… brought back to that hospital. i don’t think having a lookout team is a BAD idea, but yeah, they’re not gonna find him by going through all of their stuff and sending out a battalion.

but i guess when scully came back, it was the government who took her and not the aliens. or maybe they were working together. this seems like a rogue alien operation, though, so the odds of him being returned in the same fashion seem much slimmer. but who knows?

also… pain that she says they’re going through “mulder’s office”. not shared anymore. damn.

OH GOD, HE SAYS HE DOESN’T WANT HER TO DO ANYTHING TO UPSET HER PREGNANCY, OH GOD… i knew he would be overprotective. falls to my knees and starts weeping.

but she is not having it. she wants to know who tf is going over his head? “our brand new deputy director” <- OHHHH??? KERSH!!!!

the way this happened over night... someone high up in the syndicate is pulling some strings...

what does he care to find mulder?? he hates the guy?? he was working for CSM!! well, maybe he wasn’t… we just saw him in a meeting with him once. i guess skinner has had meetings with him, too. he may have been very mean in s6... but maybe he is secretly a good guy??

so they go in to see him. he doesn’t want to waste any time. they are missing one of their own.

he thanks them for their cooperation. scully implies he thinks they are suspects. and kersh says he wants their statement taken by a guy named doggett, who is the task force leader on this mission. 

they start to leave and he says “one more thing”… oh, what now… “anything leaves this building about aliens or alien abductions or any other nonsense that might cast the bureau in a ridiculous light- and you can forget about looking for agent mulder. you’ll both be looking for new jobs” HUH?!?! WELL. 

uh. um. not beating the bad guy allegations.

i hope kersh has a character arc. i guess we'll see. i wanna know why he is Like That. 

“that‘s all” he says, very meryl streep as miranda priestly, while a furious skinner and scully walk out the door

“why do i get the feeling they’d be happy if we never found him at all?” OHHH…. they think it’s just about covering the FBI… skinner declares that he saw what he saw, and he will speak his truth. “you give them the truth, and they’ll hang you with it”, says scully. “they can hang me with a lie, too” OH…. a man of character. 

but scully asks “what good are you to mulder if you give them the power to ruin your career?” ohhh… such a hard situation… neither of them are wrong… we need to meet this doggett fellow and decide what the best course of action is…. see if he can handle The Truth...

she says they will find mulder. and then they go into the room to give their statements. a guy takes skinner back and tells scully to wait until they call her. it is a very busy room.

she sits down next to someone. but pointedly avoids the person. lmao. turn your whole body away, queen. i see you! alas, he is looking at her. is this doggett? well, whoever it is, he walks away. 

oh. this mystery fellow gets her some water. saying it could be a wait. well, that is kind at least. she says thank you and takes it. 

“aren’t you his partner? mulder?” “yes.” she doesn’t wanna talk about this right now, man with a deep and raspy voice. “i guess nobody’s beyond suspicion on this thing” (scully glare) 

she asks why they’re questioning him, and he says he knew mulder back a bit. “i doubt we agents ever truly know each other- even our partners” <- girl, you can take your doubt all the way to the bank... these two have a soul bond. this bitch...

she says she knows mulder as much as anybody. “yeah, probably so. i always took the rumors with a grain of salt” “what rumors are those?” oh girl…. “well, you know” (she looks at him, seeming to Not Know) “well that, from the beginning, he never felt a real trust with you, that you were ambitious” 

well, yeah, maybe at the beginning he felt that way, but it didn't last long?? i must confess, though, i thought he was going to bring up the rumors of them sleeping together to her face. maybe he was and he had to stop himself.

she is so taken aback she nearly laughs. “where’d that come from?” “there are women here in the bureau that he would confide in” (puzzled scully look)

OH?

nah, i don’t buy it. whoever this guy is, he is just trying to make her suspicious. 

she asks when that was and he says “oh, it’s just talk” <- boy, shut the fuck up……

he asks what her theory is. “my theory is you don’t know mulder at all” GET HIS ASS! “you never did”

OH, THIS BITCH IS DOGGETT? she reached over and grabbed his badge. she was MAD AS FUCK!!!

not so sure if i am excited to meet him now… 

“you might have introduced yourself” “i was getting around to it” 

she stands up and THROWS HER DRINK ON HIM, LMAOOOO “nice to meet you, agent doggett” <- GET HIS ASS!!!

skinner sees this happen and she stalks out. 

well. we’re off on a great start with our newest character who we can definitely trust!!1!1!!

he watches her leave. seeming impressed. GOOD. HE OUGHT TO BE.

ah, typically calm and composed and cool scully, throwing her drink on someone she just met... yelling at those guys down in the basement office... she is going through it. she is going to be in attack mode until she gets her man back. i support her, but i hope she doesn't go too far and get herself in trouble.

she looks doggett's ass up at home... lmao!!! and wouldn’t you!? he is from georgia… his middle name is jay… scully has flowers in her apartment. he was in the marine corps and a peacekeeping force in lebanon. and then he was in the NYPD as a detective and then has been with the FBI since 1995. 

ohhhh, poor scully gets sick :( i know that is par for the course with pregnancy, but like!!! it still sucks. majorly. and she is so alone.

she calls someone. her mom!!! who doesn’t pick up. she says she has been busy with “something else that i should probably tell you about in person” oh god… her voice is breaking. “i really need to see you, and talk to you. there’s a lot of stuff that’s going on with me right now, and, um… i just really need to talk” OHHHH SCULLY :( i hope her mom can stop by.

so her mom must not know about mulder being gone or the other big thing... she is going to be so freaked out when she hears her daughter crying on the voicemail. hopefully she will buzz right up. hopefully there is no other scully family drama keeping her busy.

but there’s clicking on the phone line…. someone must be listening to her!!!!

and there’s a guy outside her window. she calls doggett and tells him to STAY OUT OF HER BUSINESS!!

(you really have to appreciate how scully is acting like an attack dog. or some sort of enraged lion. i only fear it will get her into bigger trouble.

it is giving me flashbacks to triangle- telling spender she WILL kill him... we only really get to see this side of her when mulder is taken away from her. but i have a feeling it will be Way More Extreme now since there is a lot more on the line)

is it the alien bounty hunter taking his shape outside her window?? because doggett doesn’t know what the hell is going on. which had me laughing.

no… there are steps outside her door…. she’s looking at her gun…. grabbing it… what if it’s a friend? whoever it is, they are gone… she runs out of her apartment… but she left her door open! where is she going??? who is out there?? 

ah! it’s her landlord. he says someone was in the building- “tall guy, brown hair” “you don’t mean mulder?” “yeah, mulder” she runs back up to her apartment!!! “mulder… are you in here??”

GOD. the sorrow in her voice. the way it bounces around the empty room. i need to scream a little.

she gasps… something on her desk…. a wire??? what is it!!! maybe it was byers leaving some sort of message??? idk if the landlord knows names….

(author's note: please keep me thinking that there was a wire left on her desk in the back of your mind as we proceed, because it will be really funny later)

she goes to mulder’s apartment. his desk is covered in dust. she is looking around…. and picks up a shirt from his bed. lays her head on his pillow. OH MY GOD. SHE FALLS ASLEEP???

oh my god...... she fell asleep IN HIS BED HOLDING HIS SHIRT…

guys... do you think i should scream really really loudly????

but more evil dreams… of tests and needles on his face and something up his nose???? like a nose ring. and whirring. they’re pulling his face and sticking something in his mouth?? and he’s screaming. NASTY.

but is it really happening? or are those memories of scully’s abduction coming back and with his face on top of them?

the gunmen are here, finally! with some data! they’re looking at UFO encounters from the pacific northwest, of which there are a LOT. but they can’t tell where the next one will be... much to skinner’s dismay.

doggett is coming into kersh’s office. we learn that kersh was in the air force in vietnam. kersh lore… not sure if i will like his character enough to do anything with it yet, but we’ll see. i guess. i once hated skinner.

doggett asks if he is really in charge of this task force. he says he doesn’t believe it… someone else is calling the shots. kersh tells him he has a chance to shine. “show them all you’re an ace”

doggett kinda looks like an 80's rockstar. a little too sharp and pretty for this line of work. it is slightly off-putting. he does seem like he bites.

ooo, that was a very loaded exchange... i wonder how they know each other and why kersh selected him as a puppet. i wonder if kersh thinks doggett will do whatever he says and then rise through the ranks as a result. he seemed to be genuinely friendly with him... or is it all a ruse?

but doggett is clearly catching on that he is part of something bigger here, and he seems to be indicating that he won't just go along with everything he is told to do... does he have a heart deep down?

doesn't make up for being rude AF to scully, though... he is gonna have to grovel at her feet over that. in my humble opinion.

oh, scully… waking up. in mulder’s bed. so she must have gone back again. with doggett in the room??! “what are you doing here?” “i came by to feed mulder’s fish” <- yes, a responsible friend!! and the parallels to the first episode of the second season...

“and then you got tired and decided to take a nap” yeah, well, maybe she did! her hair was all mussed up from the nap in one shot and in the next it was fixed, LMAO

at this point he HAS to realize what is going on between mulder and scully. like, i couldn't tell if she was holding his shirt again when she fell asleep this time, but come on. doggett cannot possibly consider her a suspect at this point. maybe he is just pointedly ignoring the obvious because he doesn't want scully to know he knows. it might be too painful to acknowledge it.

or maybe he really can't see it. but... c'mon now. he was a detective. which you do not have to be to see what they have.

she wants to know who tf wiretapped her!!! she demands respect... but he counters with, oh, like you showed me over the phone? “i just came by to feed the fish” he claims... ohhh…. they’re having a cat fight. 

why does he know where the fish food is… bro was def poking around!!

he says he knows the answer… and she doesn't even know the question. of what happened to mulder. “i know what you’re gonna say or not, because you think i’m the big bad wolf. do you really believe it? that he was abducted by aliens?” “you said it, i didn’t”

“i guess i just find it hard to swallow that a scientist, a serious person, could buy that… ever see an alien, agent scully?” WHY IS HE SO NASTY?

“you want me to go on record? i will go on record to say this: that i have seen things that i cannot explain. i have observed phenomena that i cannot deny. and that as a scientist, and a serious person-“ oh, she is mad as fuck! “it is a badge of honor not to dismiss these things because someone thinks they’re B.S.”

okaaaay!!!! you live and you learn. and she’s been doing a lot of living and learning. 

i’m just worried he’s going to provoke her into revealing something… she is so frustrated and scared at this point in time that it would be easier to do it now than ever before… she is usually so guarded and cautious…

“so you think he was abducted? i’m just trying to find him” “then what are you doing here?” “trying to figure these out” ooooh… he has car rental receipts. 370 miles, four consecutive weekends in may. she says she doesn’t know where he was going. “like i said, maybe you didn’t really know your partner” <- rude as fuck. 

also... why did he rent a car? does he not have his own? then how did he get to work... i'm confused.

it's almost like he's implying she is just one of the many lovesick women mulder left behind and i Do Not Care For It. or maybe he was told by kersh to try and make her suspicious of him so they can come up with a bullshit reason for his disappearance- some sort of personal betrayal- and get her to buy it. which i cannot ever see happening.

he is interrupted by a phone call. “agent mulder at the FBI?” what is going on???? 

skinner gets called in…. scully is here, too… and he can’t talk to her. 

someone removed some files. we don’t know what yet. used the pass card belonging to mulder. “you said agent mulder felt threatened by the FBI” “no. no, that’s not what i said. i said he felt the x-files were threatened by budget-cutting” <- OOO SKINNER, CATCH THEM IN THEIR LIES!!! they ask if he would ever retaliate. 

they’re trying to find inconsistencies… scully said skinner was home, but he was allegedly making phone calls in the office until 10. they think he came in here… using mulder's pass card. 

someone is whispering to doggett… she says skinner is telling the truth. he claims he believes it, but it doesn’t explain who used the card. and now mulder's visa was used two days ago in north carolina. buying flowers at at mortuary. but on a schedule, it seems.

“mulder’s mother is buried in raleigh. that’s the reason he was going every weekend”

“it’s one reason”

GIRL???? what other business is he implying is down there.

also very interesting that she is buried in raleigh. she wasn't from that area, was she? i swear she was born in massachusetts. so why down there?

and then they crack open a GRAVESTONE WITH HIS NAME ON IT??? are they suggesting he was buying his own grave??? oh, how the tables turn from abduction arc… she is crying as she stares at it. 

people walk by her. 

notably, samantha is also on the gravestone, listed as deceased in 1979. is this from CSM??? or is he actually dead, too? maybe it's a sick thing from krycek, then...

skinner comes in and joins the staring. “i don’t know what to think” “i don’t believe it, dana, it just doesn’t make any sense to me” OH... HE CALLED HER DANA…. is she going to allow this… it appears she shall

doggett declares he has some light on this and wants help from scully. he had mulder's medical records. 

his brain… the records show lots of irregular brain activity. skinner argues he recovered from is illness. but scully says he was dying. that there was a record of his decline. 

doggett thinks… “he took one big last chance to make it”

OH LMAOOO, I JUST NOW REALIZE THAT THE WIRE IN HER APARTMENT WAS WHERE HER COMPUTER WAS BECAUSE HE BROUGHT UP THAT BOTH OF THEIR COMPUTERS WERE STOLEN… I’M DYING!!! I FORGOT THAT COMPUTERS HAD WIRES BACK THEN AS I STREAM THIS ON MY LAPTOP!!! KILLLLLL ME LMAOOO... I WAS LIKE "OOOOH A WIRE!! MAYBE IT HAS A SECRET MESSAGE", BAHAHAAAAA

(i'm still fucking laughing at this the next day LMAO, what the fuck did i think was hidden in that wire...!!! i just kind of accepted it, like it was some early version of a hard drive, BAHAHAAAAA. i am the person you have to spell things out for when you are making TV shows i guess!)

doggett wants to know how far he would go. he says he gets obsession- interesting. tucking that away for future character analysis. would mulder stage his own disappearance? 

skinner says he knows what he saw. he watched it happen. he will not sit there and listen to this. we get a little recap. but she reaches up and grabs his jacket. stands. looks at doggett. “please don’t report that” ohh... he must have confessed to doggett what he saw while we got to relive it.

he says it wouldn't help him find mulder anyway. also interesting.

she grabs skinner’s shoulder. but he says it’s not good enough. while doggett goes to make a phone call. 

now skinner and the gunmen are looking at UFO activity. scully thinks it is a waste of time, but skinner insists it isn’t. the ship might be in the arizona desert. well! we have had experiences in the arizona desert before, haven’t we? i still think about those weird alien human hybrid bodies in the train car in the desert all the time. will that finally be addressed here? probably not...

“okay, say this is true-“ ah! she is doing her thing! i love when she does the thing where she suspends disbelief to follow the next logical step. “then how do we even begin to start finding him?”

langly suggests with who they might abduct next- “we’re only trying to help” “we’re only trying to find mulder” they say. scully turns- they must think they have upset her. and doggett said that too… and kersh said something similar… who can she believe? 

but she realizes something. why they took him, why they’re in arizona. why do people refuse to believe in aliens? maybe they’re removing all the evidence. meanwhile, someone slides something under doggett’s door. she thinks they are the ones removing the things, not mulder. 

what does doggett have?

they want to find the good hard proof… gibson!

WAHHH!! doggett has a file on gibson!!! is that where he ended up?? arizona??

omg… i look forward to their reunion. but who gave this file to doggett!

doggett declares to his task force that the objective in this case has been reframed… they’re laughing as doggett explains mulder thought gibson could read minds, might be part alien. maybe mulder left to look for him, he proposes. gibson was last seen in arizona. and they’re out. doggett wants to put gibson’s photo all over the southwest.

more creepy images of a UFO or mulder experiments or scully nightmares… all very unclear what is real and what isn’t. UGH, the tubes in his arms and legs…. more face pulling…. SLICEY THINGS… nah, i don’t want to see that. CUTTING HIS CHEST OPEN???

does she have some sort of connection to him that lets her see this stuff?

ah! it was just scully waking up from a nightmare. skinner is driving them somewhere. with his shirt mildly unbuttoned. oh… he needs navigation help. his little smile at her.

oh my gosh, i guess gibson was technically seen last in arizona… i guess i didn’t know the power plant was out there. i can't keep track of all the places they go. hmm.

ahhh! a helicopter is over their car. is doggett? yes, it is! they found gibson in a school for the deaf. and doggett is on the way. hmm… i don’t want doggett to get there… and he has a helicopter, so he will get there first… skinner and scully have stopped for gas or coffee or a map or something... and scully sees something in the distance… a mirage? or an alien thing?

skinner says there is a school in 20 minutes. meanwhile, the school is getting a phone call about him. doggett is pulling up…. it is gibson!!!

doggett gets there just as skinner and scully do! i started to type “mulder and scully”, which i imagine will be a hard habit to break.

gibson sees doggett… but the teachers want to know what is going on. 

skinner and scully run into doggett!!! scully asks to see gibson so much more politely than doggett did, lmao. but the kid is on the run!!!

bro ran into somebody… but who?? we cannot see his face. doggett finds footprints…. that seem to lead into the mountains?

someone has him!! oh!! the little dude is growing up!!

OH SHIT!! someone has mulder’s body, but no way that is him. doggett has him at gunpoint…

dun dun DUN!!!

well. the next episode’s description reveals what is going on, but even if it didn’t i wouldn’t buy that it was really mulder for a second, LMAO.

so much to process…

let us think.

thoughts on doggett? don’t fully trust him, but i don’t fully distrust him. he might be kersh’s lapdog at the moment, but i don’t think he’ll stay that way. clearly he’s onto him, anyway, with the whole visit to his office thing. but i think he ought to be FUCKING NICER???? did kersh TELL him to be a dick on purpose?? i know he has some tragic backstory reveal later on, but other than that i do not know a damn THING about the guy. and so i expect kindness from him, as i do from all people.

so, mulder’s brain alien surgery thing was killing him? that… well, i was going to say that doesn’t make sense, but nothing on this show makes sense, so that helps nothing. i guess what i meant to say was that i didn’t see any signs of him slowly dying last season. was i supposed to? i would have bought it for season 6 with the way he was acting so weird, but by s7 he seemed mostly back to himself. and besides, the surgery was at the very start of s7 anyway, so that makes the s6 weirdness hard to explain. i guess the whole alien virus thing could have been why he was weird in s6, but it doesn’t fully explain anything… hmm. 

i do not believe that he purchased his own gravestone. first of all, his father already has one, so why would he include him on there? is that a thing people do- put people who are not actually buried in the ground at that location on the headstone? and i don't think his father was buried in north carolina like his mother was, so having them together on there was an additional layer of weirdness. i guess i could MAYBE see him doing that if he really was dying, and really was traveling to north carolina to buy his own burial plot, but like... why north carolina and why include his family on there if his father is in an entirely different location? just because he wanted to honor them? the samantha part makes sense- he would always want to keep her with him- but the confidence with which the death year was placed also throws me off because we saw him admit that there really weren't answers in the last episode. it seems to me it is a nasty krycek trick to try and divert scully and skinner from their mission by making them think he is just dead and then he can claw his way into the upper ranks of alien diplomacy or something. idk. feels weird.

skinner… i trust him and the gunmen. GOD. when he said over and over again that he would report what he saw… and scully had to tell him no, that he can't help mulder if he gets fired. skinner was so often the guy that saves the day for our agents, and now we get to see him be in distress, which is perversely appealing to me. oh, and he SMILED at her when she woke up in the car… the way he was trying to explain his theory with the UFOs, trying to be gentle, but she just rejected it… him saying he doesn’t want anything to impact her… she's going to chafe at him being to gentle. i can already see it happening.

and the way she grabbed his jacket and put her arm on his shoulder. RAHHHH, i’m eating this UP!!! this is such a fascinating dynamic. i really hope they leave that joke about him being into her in that one episode, because that protective mentorship role is SO much more fascinating in my humble and correct opinion. there’s definitely affection and a deep respect there, but like... come on. not like that.

and poor scully. i have to say though, i wanted more scully character exploration. although, for this show, i guess we did get a lot, huh? with the phone call to her mom, the water on doggett, her conversations with skinner… yeah, i guess that was a lot. we don’t get a ton of long and quiet character rumination, even if i would really really like that, so i guess, for our standards, this was pretty good. i look forward to scully time. i really do. she seemed so shell shocked. i hope that the season isn’t just “where is mulder! where is mulder!” but also that people are asking "how are YOU scully, how can we help you", and then even if she answers with “bad”, i want some narrative focus because she is going through a LOT and her internal world has always been really interesting, but especially so now. i want to dive in. i’m assuming that those scenes of mulder are deep memories of her own abduction and not that she is somehow seeing him, but i guess we can’t rule that out, either. some sort of cosmic connection. via a baby that he might have fathered. it isn't super clear.

i hope we get to see maggie scully in the next episode when they come back from arizona :( she needs her family at this point in time. not bill tho... fuck bill fr fr.

the one time someone left me a nasty comment on this blog (not including that comical anon message, which i ought to bring back because it still makes me laugh) someone said “scully started believing in aliens the minute mulder left!” and to me… were we watching the same show? because s7 was to me all about scully opening herself up. i mean, come on, we’ve been exploring this concept since beyond the sea in s1. gibson saying she believes in s6 and is just afraid to admit it? same with that guy from tithonus? what about the whole episode theef? let’s be for real. this is not out of nowhere. this is a process of her coming to terms with her beliefs, famously not an easy thing to do! that feels like such a reductive take. people change over time.

i did feel a pang of loss for mulder time when i began to type "mulder and scully arrive at the scene" out of habit instead of "skinner and scully arrive at the scene", but then i got to thinking. and i'm not quite sure how to put the thoughts i am feeling into words, so bear with me. we have seen our friends mulder and scully go and investigate many cases together. a lot of those cases are very interesting, and the dynamic between them that is explored is the heart of the show.

but there have also been many episodes where our friends mulder and scully go to investigate a case that have been... anywhere from mildly disappointing to point-blank infuriating. we all remember the greatest hits- quagmire! wetwired! detour! memento mori! how the ghosts stole christmas! and it is true that there were, in fact, some absolute bangers. BUT. there were also a lot of mulder and scully investigate a case episodes that have been flops. who remembers trevor? or first person shooter? D.P.O.? heaven forbid, el mundo gira?

while we all love scully and mulder agent time, it has 1. never been very consistent in tone or quality, which leads to whiplash, and 2. there are a lot of forgettable scully and mulder agent time episodes, so to say that they are needed together for an episode to be good feels like an oversimplification, because there are plenty of episodes where they ARE together that are still BAD.

my point BEING in saying all of this: while i understand the nostalgia of wanting them back together, and i can imagine how much more intense it was while the show was airing, i think changing it up opens us to some really interesting character and narrative exploration that we probably would not have gotten otherwise. i understand that they were backed into a corner with contract stuff, and why people would get hostile at having mulder gone for a while, but frankly i find it to be an opportunity to go to new places, test out new things.

it is entirely possible i could regret my words and end up being an early seasons purist... but i'm not as inherently opposed to shaking it up a bit as others might be. which is surprising. i usually hate change!

that got pretty long, and i imagine that future posts will continue to do so as the plot fleshes out this doggett anti-hero but really i just want to focus on scully and skinner's dynamic. but, a good start to the season, and i look forward to what will come! hopefully i can still post around once a week!!! because i am excited!!

[bambi-kinos]

Sorry, could you elaborate on Peter Doggett's book a little more? It's the first time I've heard about it. What is the theory why John stayed in the Dakota? Thanks!

So, "Prisoner of Love" was supposed to be the next Big Beatles Book to come out. It has been written and for a while there were advanced reader companies being sold on Amazon India. Unfortunately I wasn't quick enough to buy it and it disappeared. But essentially "Prisoner of Love" was supposed to be Peter Doggett's investigation into John Lennon's years at the Dakota building when John had returned to Yoko/been blackmailed into returning. Doggett is an actual journalist with a genuine bibliography behind him and he does actual investigatory work that doesn't rely on manufacturing Frankenstein quotes to get his point across. He also wrote the legendary "You Never Give Me Your Money" which breaks down the financial woes of the Beatles into a digestible form so that we can understand the financial side of the break up.

Suffice to say the topic of John's stay in the Dakota, Yoko forcing him to stay addicted to drugs, and abusing him and Sean emotionally and psychologically, is a very serious and contentious subject. So much so that the Lennon Estate has most likely spiked the book and stopped it from being published, probably because it makes Yoko look like the monster she is.

I'll quote Hey Dullblog here:

In 2012, St. Martin’s Press contacted me via my semi-highfalutin’ agent in New York. “I loved your Barry Trotter books”—the ones that sold a million plus worldwide—“and have always wanted to work with you. There’s a project idea we have, are you interested?” Sure I was. They wanted me to do a parody of Downton Abbey, Julian Fellowes’ costume drama popular at the time and, as Kate and I were fans of the show, I readily agreed to write the parody. But before I did, I asked the $64,000 question: “Are all the higher-ups behind this book? Have you gotten a sense of what Julian Fellowes might think? Parodies often get sued—are you prepared for that?” Yes to all this, the editor said, and he and my agent began negotiating the deal, while I got down to the writing and designing of the parody. At great speed, of course, because it was July or something, and they wanted it for their fall list.

Six weeks later, I finished the project on deadline, and presented it to them for publication. I’d been showing my editor chapters as I’d written and designed them, and gotten much laughter and encouragement. All lights were green.

Until, one morning, they weren’t. Instead of paying me the agreed-upon $30,000 for a book which they’d asked me to write, and had approved of in-process—they suddenly offered me $5,000 “to put the manuscript in a drawer permanently.” All communication with me stopped; even my agent couldn’t get a straight answer as to what had happened. It was, of course, completely illegal to do what they had done, get me to write a book to order on spec with a false promise, but neither my well-respected New York agent, nor my $400/hour New York publishing lawyer would back me in a lawsuit. “Mike, I’d never be able to sell another book to them again,” said my agent; with so few publishing houses, backing me and the stink I planned to make would hinder his other clients, and spell career doom for him. And my lawyer, too, made all her money working with these companies. They both required good relations with the publishing houses, not with me, the guy who they nominally worked for.

So I Kickstarted the book, and said sayonara to book publishing for good. The contracts are terrible, there is no Union, and the structure of the business itself compromises an author’s representation. And the houses themselves—with all due respect to the many smart and ethical people who toil for them—are purest courtier culture, as bad in this regard as fashion or Hollywood. As large companies, book publishers are exquisitely sensitive to pressure; as individuals, most of them come from the best (read: most expensive) schools, and must come from significant money to be able to pursue such a poorly paid career in such an expensive city. And finally, since 1980 the book publishing business has not only really embraced the blockbuster model, they have increasingly looked to Hollywood for their ethics. And in Hollywood, fame and money rules. Star-power.

I think what happened was that some editor had a bright idea, contacted me, and got me writing. His higher-ups, such as they were paying attention at all, had no very clear idea what “a parody” would be, thinking that it was something sorta like an original, only funny. Then, when it came time to publish the manuscript—traditional literary parody, as I’d done with Barry Trotter—either someone inside the house thought Fellowes wouldn’t like it and pre-censored themselves, or Fellowes himself said he wouldn’t like it. “You publish this, and I won’t even let you bid on the Downton Abbey Calendar!”

I think something similar might’ve happened to Doggett’s book. I think someone asked him for ideas, post-You Never Give Me Your Money. He pitched the book to an editor, the editor bought it, Doggett wrote it, the project was ready for publication, and then the Estate read an advance copy and threatened a lawsuit. The publishing house, looking at sales of Doggett’s You Never Give Me Your Money, a fine and worthy book, calculated that any lawsuit—no matter how frivolous—would cost more than they were likely to make on the book. Or perhaps there is another Lennon- or Yoko-related book that they figure they’d make more money on. Or perhaps it was simply that someone high up enough in the company is friends with Yoko; bigtime publishing execs and people like the Lennons are likely to know each other, have houses near each other—New York wealth and culture is a small world. (Added later: apparently the publisher, Jawbone Press, is a London-based independent. I have little direct knowledge of UK publishing culture, save for my conversations with my UK editor. But in such cultural realms, in my experience the US and UK form one ecosystem.)

Whatever the details—and it’s unlikely that we’ll know any, because Doggett writes books for a living, and anybody in that racket has to keep certain aspects of this game to themselves (as I would, had I any interest in writing a book for a Big Six publisher ever again)—there is really only one reason a book gets pulled so close to its publication date, and that is a surprise communication from a powerful party that publication will result in legal action.

Of course the book was strongly vetted; of course all conventions (like paraphrasing) were employed; of course the copies of the Diaries were obtained legally; I’m sure there were no obvious holes. In fact, I would be highly surprised if the house did not contact the Lennon Estate the moment they considered accepting Doggett’s proposal—wouldn’t you? In no way was the project undertaken as something adversarial to a famous, generally well-thought of widow and feminist icon…who also happens to be a billionaire. That is not how book publishing—or America—works in 2022.

Did Yoko signal “go ahead” and then, after the book was completed and ready for sale, change her mind? I cannot say, but she did something similar with the Norman biography of her husband, which deeply wounded the sales profile of that book. (The authorized Lennon biography will sell better than another unauthorized one.) And there is another advantage: by waiting until the book was ready to go, the Estate inflicted maximum pain on both the house and the author, costing them maximum emotional discomfort and maximum money. This will chill the already-chilly waters for any future projects on John Lennon, save for ones done by Yoko or Sean. This is a wonderful advantage.

As depressing as this reading of events is for Beatles and Lennon fans, we must always realize that what is many people’s passion is some people’s business and a few people’s family legacy. While we might hunger for “the truth,” what we will get is what the Estate feels is its financial or emotional benefit.

The person I feel worst for is, of course, Peter Doggett, who added something of real value to Beatles literature with You Never Give Me Your Money, and would have been able to clarify so much about the last truly murky aspect of John Lennon’s story. Unlike Norman or the Sheffs, I generally trust Doggett to give us an even-handed account of what he examines, and with people like Goldman, Rosen, Seaman, and “John Green” as our main sources on the Dakota Years, Doggett’s book would’ve provided a real service. I suspect Doggett was paid to “put it in a drawer” and, for his sake, I hope it was enough money for him to feel whole—though given that the book seems to have had a distinctly personal cast to it, I suspect it took something major out of him to have the project pulled.

This, then, is the tragedy of the Estate’s behavior. By wishing to control the narrative, it is not just asserting that it owns John Lennon—which it does, in the narrow legal sense—but also what we can think of John Lennon. The most important “John Lennon,” certainly at this late date, is the man who lives on in the minds of his fans, before and after December 8, 1980. And by disallowing Doggett’s expression of that—regardless of what his book said or did not say about Yoko, Sean or anyone else—the Estate is engaging in a kind of erasure. Petty, vain, self-absorbed, and with no regard to who really should be driving the narrative today, 42 years after John’s murder—the fans who loved and love him.

My personal take is that Doggett did a careful analysis of John's diaries, did his interviews with Sean and Yoko (whatever state she was in), probably interviewed May Pang and Mick Jagger as well as everyone else who was in contact with John during his interim at the Dakota. And then Doggett wrote up the unifying theory of why John Lennon went back to Yoko and what kept him there.

I honestly don't have it in me right now to write up my personal theory about why John did it and why he stayed, I'll reblog this post with an addition if I ever do. But I think that Prisoner of Love was deeply embarrassing and actively harmful to the ballad of John and Yoko and someone on Yoko's legal team killed the book out of the pants shitting fear that Yoko and John's PR image would be permanently tarnished by it. Maybe even destroyed. Yoko was much more of a monster than I think we'll ever truly know if there's not a tell-all and John and Sean both suffered profoundly for it. There's no way that the Lennon Estate would allow Doggett to publish such an embarrassing and shocking book while Yoko is still alive.

Of course, once she finally kicks it then all bets are off.

[vampirewalterskinner]

Walter Skinner

Placed his life and job on the line for Scully and Mulder countless times throughout the series.

Refused to deny that Mulder was abducted by aliens, dismissed any theory that Mulder had staged his abduction adamantly, and tirelessly searched for him.

Was maced and beat up by a (hypnotized? I guess we should say) female coworker, but he still used his manners when speaking to her afterward and said, “please, excuse me” before leaving his own office.

Held the hands of fallen soldiers in Vietnam. (Fun note! When Doggett was comatose and laying in the hospital, Skinner was originally supposed to hold Doggett’s hand when he told Reyes about holding dying/injured soldier’s hands. 🫠 Why did they take that away from us)

Dirtied his hands working for CSM to get a cure for Scully’s cancer so Mulder wouldn’t have to.

Procured three gravesites for The Lone Gunmen in the Arlington National Cemetery as repayment for helping him track down Mulder after his abduction.

John Doggett

Derailed his own career to ensure the safety of the X-Files while Mulder was gone and Scully on medical leave.

GENUINELY cared for Scully from the beginning and protected her, always put her first. “My concern is only ever for you, Scully.”

Put his own life in danger to save Mulder the same day they finally met and Mulder shoved him and called him names.

Soft ™️ Held Scully while she was injured and crying the second or third day of knowing each other. Cried in front of Skinner and poured his heart out to him after knowing him for only a few weeks.

Threw around and threatened to kill Spender for touching Scully’s baby.

Chased down Krycek on foot, jumped onto a moving vehicle, and attacked ratboy in hopes of getting a cure for Mulder.

Please, add more if you think of them 🥰

[scullysflannel]

Howdy, hope this finds you well :)

Just dropping in to ask, as someone who’s only up to season 5 of txf, what exactly is it about season 9 that makes it as irredeemable as it is? I plan to go up to season 8 as this show has consumed my life and I’ve done nothing but think about it since I started, but unlike every other season including the revival and second movie, I’m yet to find so much as a good word about season 9 and am morbidly curious as to how they managed to screw the pouch so completely?

Feel free to ignore this one though I appreciate it’s not always fun to talk about the worst of something you adore.

So the thing about season 9 is just that it's not supposed to exist and you can tell. I think there was some pressure from Fox to keep the show going (I tried finding primary sources on this, but googling anything involving "Fox" and "X-Files" and expecting to get info on the studio is a lost cause), even though the season 8 finale was written to work as a series finale, and even though David Duchovny had already made it clear he was not coming back for season 9. The writers' hands were tied in some ways, because they had to work around not having Duchovny after they'd already used up the best excuse for his absence in the books.

But (a) I don't think that's an excuse for the way Mulder's absence in season 9 is handled, which is vague at best and out of character for him and Scully at worst. It's very "out of sight, out of mind" in a way that especially stands out considering how present he feels in season 8. If it's possible to make a version of The X-Files that isn't driven by Mulder (either in his presence or his absence), they didn't find it in season 9.

And (b) the writers also seemed to be writing like their hands were tied when they weren't. The vibe of some of the choices made in season 9, especially when it comes to Scully's story, is very Eric André holding a smoking gun saying "why would Fox do this." It's like, "well we weren't planning on this, but now we have to do it to keep the story going." And the thing is that they actually did not have to do it. There's a bizarre desperation to the way Scully's story is written in season 9. Almost everything they throw at her is traumatic, but also inconsistent and confusing, which makes it all come across as kind of soulless. And it all builds to the most egregious example of "Chris Carter tries to erase the consequences of a story he wrote, thereby creating even more devastating consequences, which he will also ignore" in the history of the show. He didn't have to do that! Scully could have spent a lot of season 9 just being Doggett and Reyes' deadpan pal who does autopsies and it would have been fine.

The thing that "works" "best" about season 9 is that it's theoretically a fresh start, with Doggett and Reyes running the X-Files office: two characters who weren't totally new faces but whose dynamic was mostly unexplored. And to be clear, I think John Doggett rules. The concept of assigning the X-Files to Just a Guy Who's a Very Good Person but Would Rather Be Watching NASCAR is hilarious. I don't think the writers had the same handle on Reyes, but the two of them are interesting together. I will also say I think some of the monster-of-the-week episodes in season 9 (the ones that focus on Doggett and Reyes) are cooler in theory than the motw episodes in season 8.

But it's so rare for those episodes to actually spark. Maybe part of the problem is that, again, the writers made the totally unforced error to focus so much of the mythology on Stressing Scully Out when they could have been deepening Doggett and Reyes' investment in the X-Files outside Scully, which would also liven up their characterization and their dynamic. Season 8 (which has a lot going for it) can skate by on uninteresting motw episodes because Scully's arc in that season is so all-consuming it drives the story forward and makes it meaningful. Season 9 doesn't have that same emotional clarity, so even the motw episodes that have promise feel lacking. (There's also the fact that even if the writers had given Doggett and Reyes better material, they wouldn't be Mulder and Scully. But better material would have helped.)

There's also literally 9/11. I'm this far down on the list of problems with season 9 and I'm just now getting to 9/11. The X-Files gets its edge from its mistrust of the government, but they sanded that down in season 9 because it was so out of step with the mainstream American audience. Until they finally recommitted to critiquing the government in the (original) series finale, the show didn't feel like itself.

It's not even like the problem is the way season 9 ends. The finale is a mixed bag (it's part clip show lol), but I love the final scene, and in most ways it's a more fitting send-off for the show than the final scene of season 8 is. It's just that getting there feels cursed at every step. No one made it out unscathed. There's an episode directed by Michelle MacLaren (her tv directorial debut!) and written by Vince Gilligan, a Breaking Bad partnership for the ages, and even that's bad. Better Call Saul's own Tom Schnauz wrote an episode featuring Aaron Paul and I will never ever watch it again. There's something in the water in season 9. It's just not supposed to be there.

[idontwanttospoiltheparty]

this ask may sound as a rant but it's more of a plea.

i have to say that your previous answer woke me from my sleep stupor with the mention of the legal and financial issues within the band/apple. it is a genuine problem i encounter when reading (or hearing people talk about) the breakup and the years that followed. i understand that legality and finance are not fun, but for me, it is essential to fully grasp the fracture in their relationships. even paul has mentioned how he and john couldn't talk about business without it ending in a screaming match.

legal proceedings and business deals help set dates and, with that, inform the members' actions and reactions. of course, the emotional side of the breakup is important, but ever since they were young, they mentioned how becoming rich was a big motivation so why wouldn't it matter in their undoing? it was also why john became interested in allen klein!

i find that what was done business-wise and then what was used in court as "evidence" should not be dismissed as not as important in comparison to emotionally biased theories. (not that these are unimportant, but money can, and has, made and broken relationships) because of this, it can become difficult to find resources on their legal and financial issues without them becoming a footnote or oversimplified.

i agree that tumblr is not the place to find these resources or convos, so this is me pleading with you and anyone if you have an idea where to do so.

thanks for reading/answering! love reading your asks and analysis!

While I said that stuff shouldn't be dismissed, I want to clarify that I don't actually consider myself an expert on it and also think it's not been super widely covered, because the bias towards emotional aspect excludes neither me nor wider Beatles authorship.

To my knowledge, your best bet is the book You Never Give Me Your Money by Peter Doggett, which tries to provide a full overview of the entire legal and financial proceedings of the breakup. Also perhaps check out Peter Brown's book from this year, All You Need Is Love, which includes interview excerpts describing some of the business stuff.

[randomfoggytiger]

Mulder's Alien Baby Baby Trauma In-Depth (Part XVI): Testy Territorialism

Vienen is… quite the follow-up to Empedocles: an infinitely better MOTW (an old classic's return) meshed with the traditional X-Files episode conceits (Mulder in the basement, Scully slicing and dicing, Skinner holding back warily, Kersh barely restraining himself from beheading everyone) and a twist-- Doggett’s presence. 

However. There are also a few… issues. Namely, that the episode doesn’t do the best job explaining important character beats: we are merely left with fleeting glances and half-spoken dialogue (par for the course for Season 8, really.) But there are important details baked into the dialogue, details that are at least substantive enough to point to greater implication. Mulder and Scully’s relationship remains intact and just as in sync as the previous episode. Mulder himself is crawling back into the saddle with a vengeance.

Yet, Mulder and Doggett’s budding friendship… seems to flail. What happened to their exchange in Empedocles’s hospital hallway, when Mulder opened up in an attempt to reassure Doggett’s turbulent emotions? Why is he back to critical acrimony?

Well. We’re given brief, fleeting bits of dialogue that say a lot while showing very little-- an inevitability likely brought on by having too much to do and too little time to do it. (At least everyone had a part in the episode, I suppose.) Those dialogue pieces are vital to this discussion; and, therefore, we must begin at the very beginning.

“Betrayals” and Boys Being Boys

Vienen opens on a strikingly similar parallel to the Pilot: the skeptic making his way down the bowels of the FBI, heading towards the basement office and finding Mulder alone and entrenched in his files.

Doggett, not having expected anyone in the office, turns from wary expectation to deliberate caution: an excommunicated Mulder scurrying around the forbidden fruit could mean a myriad of things-- things Doggett doesn’t want to be tangled up in and painted as the enemy for. 

Mulder looks up, caught; but takes his sweet time pawing over the files, stacking them together, and addressing his replacement as nonchalantly as possible. His shoulders are set, his eyes are fixed, and his mouth is placed in an innocently relaxed, straight line-- he’s paying attention, playing at breezy confidence; and guarded against Doggett’s by-the-books motives and possible actions.

In short, both men are startled and aware that Mulder’s actions point to some silent message about his read on Agent Doggett’s character. Doggett, who keeps trying to get off Mulder’s bad side, sees this as a possible omen; Mulder, who took Scully’s advice in the last episode and was disappointed-- we’ll get to that-- is unrepentant and a hair shy of blatant dismissal. 

"Am I interrupting anything, Agent Mulder?"

"Nothing you'd be too terribly interested in, Agent Doggett," Mulder sloughs off, tone flat.

In the days that have followed Scully’s release from the hospital, the goodwill Mulder extended has been revoked. The olive branch still hangs between them-- an act of respect for his partner’s opinion-- but any open emotion expressed to one John Doggett has been quickly yanked back and just as quickly hidden away.

Doggett picks up on his mood; and, after dropping the office keys to the left, approaches with a straightforward, though softer, question. "Agent Mulder, what are you doing down here?"

"I'm looking into the recent death of an oil worker," Mulder responds, handing over the folder he's holding freely.

Giving it a cursory glance, Doggett affirms, "Yeah, I got a heads up on it from you a couple days ago."

Hands on his hips, Mulder reiterates, "That's what I'm doing here"-- a very telling reminder.

And there it is: a quick, there-and-gone reply that establishes Mulder’s behavior throughout the episode. Mulder went out of his way to pass along vital x-files information a few days ago; and when Doggett dismissed the black oil case, set it aside as not worth his and Scully’s time, Mulder felt the other man came up short-- that his replacement didn’t have the natural curiosity to suit the files; and that, in conclusion, he had betrayed the integrity of the work.  Worse still, this is the first time since his return that Mulder has extended his own research and efforts to someone outside the core group-- to a newcomer, to him, that arrived on the scene by happenstance and who, somehow, became enmeshed with Mulder’s friends and partner. While Scully was recovering from her abruption, he reached out to his replacement; and was met with silence and dead ends. 

Again, Doggett catches on-- the dig does not go unnoticed. Pausing, then stiffening his own stance, he attempts to assuage the grievance. "Agent Mulder, I understand you have more than a proprietary interest in these cases. But I can't help it if you're not assigned to this unit anymore."

The X-Files co-founder doesn't respond. Doesn't move an inch; doesn't so much as flinch or blink. Reading the impenetrable posture of judgment correctly, Doggett turns aside to drop the file somewhere else.

"I didn't see any reason to pursue this oil worker case."

"Ah, well, maybe you missed the fact that this victim's corpse washed ashore in Port Aransas, Texas. Massive flash burns on 90 percent of his body," Mulder reminds, inflexible.

"I read the report, Agent Mulder, if you're insinuating I didn't" Doggett smoothly bristles, turning back around in mild offense.

"Then you must also know that this man was not the only man to disappear from the Galpex-Orpheus platform that night, but one of two men." Mulder's voice begins to rise as he stresses an odd word here or there, emphasizing the key parts he believes his replacement carelessly overlooked. "The communications officer is also missing--"

"The company attributes that--" Doggett cuts in, not willing to take anymore lecturing, determined to prove he's done his research "--to an explosion on the rig. A 'blowout.' Which they say caused Simon de la Cruz's burns."

Mulder nods dismissively-- nearly rolling his eyes (which he will do later.) "Burns the M.E. said in his report were not inconsistent with exposure to high-levels of radiation."

"'Not inconsistent'," Doggett stipulates, less tense now that the facts have been established between them. "It's not what I'd call a ringing endorsement."

Working up to a paranormal explanation, Mulder's voice rises another level while he points to an arm demonstratively. "These files include the same kind of radiation phenomena. Tissue destroyed by exposure to--"

And here a magical thing happens: Doggett surprises Mulder-- takes Mulder’s profiling and personal assumptions and turns them on their head. While the VCU’s Golden Boy is correct in technicality, the motives he’d ascribed to his rival's dismissive work ethic are not. 

"--Black Oil," Doggett cuts in. He advances after Mulder's nod. "5 years ago you and Agent Scully investigated a case of a WW II plane salvaged from the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Where a substance was brought to the surface which you describe--”

As Doggett continues to whip out factoids from the files, Mulder is pulled up short: his shuttered, protective veneer falls from his face in shock. His eyes narrow, his eyebrows lower then pitch, his body freezes, and his focus lasers in as he soaks up the other man’s prowess. He’d written off his replacement as a malevolent actor, then as a rival, then as a blind and deaf fool; now, he realizes Doggett is researched and capable.

"--as a highly contagious virus of extraterrestrial origin--"

Mulder smiles, unable to catch himself at Doggett's description. Despite the bite of cynicism lurking in its corners (similar to the one he gave Agent Reyes, here), it is a true, uncalculated grin as well-- the joy of hearing someone else, anyone else, repeat what he has been howling about for years. And respect: a tiny glimmer at the bottom reflecting his growing admiration that Doggett says what something is, and plainly.

“--that has radioactive properties and can take over a man's body. And is part of an alien conspiracy to colonize the planet, if I'm not mistaken."

"And you'd like to help, but you left your light saber at home," Mulder quips-- an acknowledgment that Doggett had read his mind like a jedi master; but that he, too, is capable of the same tricks.

Doggett responds in kind, raising his eyebrows, squeezing his eyes, and shaking his head comically. He's quite proud of himself, and he's not ashamed to be figured out quickly and easily. As long as they’re getting along and getting the job done. More importantly, as long as Agent Scully’s happy. 

In an edgier tone, Mulder asks, "How'd you end up down here, Agent Doggett?" Waiting for Doggett to look back, inquisitively open, he adds, "Kersh catch you peeing in his cornflakes?"

Doggett doesn't know what to make of this question. On the one hand, Mulder is drawing an "us versus them" line, Kersh on one side and both x-files-adjacent inmates on the other. The malevolent distrust, then, is gone at least-- a carry-over from working alongside each other in Empedocles. On the other hand, Mulder's tone is indiscernible. Is he poking and prodding; and to what end? More importantly, it betrays that Mulder is largely ignorant of how Doggett was assigned, or why-- which means Scully hasn't told her old partner about her new partner. And if Scully hasn't relayed that information to Mulder... why hasn't she, and for what purpose?

So, he keeps silent, unable to figure out where to go from here (and Mulder clocks that silence.)

At least the air is cleared between them, Doggett figures, despite their difference of opinion. 

Or so he thinks. 

ENTER SCULLY

The office phone rings. 

Mulder and Doggett lock eyes, studying each other. Both are caught in indecision, wondering if the other will make a territorial lunge to establish dominance; and what that would mean afterward.

Arm extended, Mulder inches to the jack first, looking between Doggett’s hovering, halted hand and restrained, frozen posture. With a sudden bitter twist, he dips his head to the left, looks up, and claims the phone-- acting on a thought that must have passed through his mind. 

Doggett remains still, not asserting his rights in this strange dance of seniority. When Mulder passes the phone over, turning it up with an expression of plastered invitation, he misses the latter's impossibly placid mask completely, a smile curling over what he perceives to be the former head of the files’ generous, symbolic hand-over. 

How wrong he is. 

As Doggett answers, Mulder hangs back, a more natural smile of enthusiasm slipping transiently onto his face-- a tell that he knows it's Scully on the other end, and that he can guess what conference she's currently trapped in.

It's plausible, then, that he suspected (or knew) there would be a call and hung around the office hoping to intercept it.

"John Doggett."

"Where are you?"-- it's Scully-- "The Deputy Director's waiting."

"Yeah. I'm just on my way up."

"Agent Doggett-- why didn't you tell me you were pursuing this Texas oil worker case?"

"Because I'm not."

Eyebrows raised, she explains, "Well, there's an exec from the oil company here who says he was contacted by a man in our office."

"No, that was Agent Mulder."

Looking up from his busywork pretense (fiddling with his coat pocket), Mulder slowly, subtly, unrepentantly pouts.

"What are you talking about?" Scully pushes.

Doggett, realizing that he’s been pacified and partially duped, decisively ends the charade once and for all, roping the instigator into this mess and taking an unambiguous back seat. 

"Gonna let him answer that."

Mulder isn’t bothered in the least: he’s surprised and intrigued by this turn of events. Was it more than he hoped for, or more than he expected from Doggett? Either way, there’s a puzzled emotion in his expression, something he is rapidly working out. 

Mulder’s entrance into Kersh’s office is theatrical... for him. The script describes his behavior as "enjoying his old role as agent provocateur", and it truly fits. Face aglow, smug smirk firmly in place, he advances into the room, gentling slightly after spotting Scully waiting unwittingly by the desk. 

Sliding right up in front of her, he gloats, “Just like old times."

This is a little moment that the episode half-builds on later: the knowledge that he’s open to sharing his conspiratorial meddling with Scully (e.g. breaking onto a prohibited research site in War of the Coprophages, sneaking into an autopsy bay for evidence in Fight the Future, and stealing sensitive information from the government’s archives, thrice, in Three Words) and had probably planned on roping her into this case sometime soon. He’s more openly delighted whenever their paths cross this episode (even though he is doing a lot of solo work behind her back-- a tactic Scully uses, too, throughout their career. Both are cut from the same rebellious cloth.) 

Scully, shocked, stays quiet; but she is not outwardly disapproving-- not at all to the degree she might be (or would pretend to be) if she and Mulder were alone. She remains rooted, nods, and cycles through minute alert, cautiously hesitant expressions until Kersh's patience breaks ("Now it's all making sense.")  

Mulder exaggeratedly sighs, hunching his shoulders up as if facing the big bad in a play. When Scully-- taking the opportunity to escape Kersh’s attention-- skitters off to the sofa, his eyes follow her, fondly, whispering a quiet, "Tough crowd," her way. Mulder is checking his partner's reaction to see if he's taken things too far: not that that would stop him; but he's actively clueing himself back into her moods again, publicly, and trying to alleviate her anxiety for him.

It's a tiny detail that I'm immensely thankful to David Duchovny for-- a reversal of Mulder's averted, jittery eyes in Three Words; a second act to his ease and lessening strain in Empedocles. Another small hint at his return to his former self.

An interesting dynamic begins to unfold here-- or, more accurately, the audience becomes witness to a planned demonstration of the show’s dynamics going forward:

Scully takes a seat, bowing out from the immediate proceedings whilst lobbying questions from her perch-- a position of controlled removal, one which allows her one foot in and out of the files. Her maternity leave is coming up soon; and we know she hadn’t intended to return (Alone), not with a newborn who needed her to come home each night. (The FBI provides excellent family support; but its more mainstream work is also a lower and much safer risk, by and large, than the X-Files division.) However, that doesn’t stop the pull, the allure, of the basement-- “Get out while you still can, Agent Doggett,” she says in Alone: what she means is, before you catch it and can't leave. 

Doggett now stands off to Mulder’s side, arms crossed, lips pinched, expression serious. He has become the new skeptic, the fill-in for Scully’s old role. Not surprising, since the show needed someone to fill her shoes while she filled Mulder’s, but it's undeniably pointed. 

Mulder is the only one from the old times who hasn’t changed-- more accurately, who has but hasn’t wanted to admit it. He’s relishing in poking old hornets’ nests and brandishing forth for old truths, but he hasn’t realistically assessed whether he can, or even if he should, anymore.

Vienen, then, is a case that strips away Mulder’s last self-deception: an unrelenting reminder that life has moved on, that priorities have changed for him; and that, though he might think this unwise, unfair, or even dangerous to his old work, the truth is no longer wholly tied up in the X-Files. As he tells Scully in Essence, “This isn’t about the x-files-- this is only about you.” 

By the close of Vienen, Mulder has realized what is at stake. He is stretched too thin, and worn too weary, to juggle the world and his abduction experiences and his impending fatherhood, let alone like he used to (to be discussed.)  He takes the blame for another man and walks away-- the old self-sacrificial wound coming to the fore-- but that departure is more bitter than sweet: resignation instead of peaceful resolution. Alone prods his feelings about leaving-- his avoidance of those feelings-- and ends with his acceptance of Doggett as the new head. Essence picks up that thread and Existence weaves back through it (i.e. Mulder putting his family completely at Doggett and Reyes’s mercy once he loses faith in himself.) But it’s not until Existence’s close that Mulder fully realizes that he gambled away his last chance at happiness, and almost lost. It’s not until he holds his son in his arms and marvels at HIS and Scully’s miracle that he realizes that the decisions he and his partner were forced to do weren’t at odds with who they are and what they can still do, together. The X-Files might no longer be theirs, but the truth is out there; and they gained a truth of their own besides. 

Mulder’s demeanor switches from professionally flippant to antagonistically serious when Kersh threatens, not agrees, to order an x-files agent out to the Galpex-Orpheus. 

"We're talking about an oil rig, 150 miles at sea. You can't send a pregnant woman," he nearly spits, head twisting from his boss to his partner.

Scully doesn’t flinch, doesn’t react except for a slight eyebrow twitch acknowledging her former partner’s statement. It’s true, she can’t fly; and if Mulder weren’t there railing at Kersh for her, she’d likely be poking at the same stream of logic issuing from her superior's mouth (a behavior she, perhaps, picked up from Maggie Scully, post here.) 

Kersh cuts off all protests with a conniving, “I’m not sending Agent Scully”; and it takes only a second or two for Mulder to work out who he is sending: Agent Doggett, Kersh’s (formerly) cherished potential. The doubter. Shot down and irritated, Mulder rolls his eyes, turning to catch Doggett’s implacable, knowing look. 

We’re not shown Scully’s reaction, but it’s likely similar to her new partner’s: dogged professionalism and an intent to do things right. 

NO MORE MR. NICE GUY

Of course, Mulder completely upstages Doggett’s investigation, beating him to the rig in plainclothes and sitting down to catch an interview before the rightful man shows up. 

And, of course, Mulder, anticipates a reaction-- be it a kick back or an outright challenge-- from Kersh’s errand boy. Slickly, he brushes aside the other man’s thinly-veiled confrontation ("Agent Mulder. Can I have a word with you?") Instead, he wedges him into an impossible position: "If you give me a minute-- I'm just getting filled in on the details of this investigation. Why don't you pull up a seat and introduce yourself so Mr. Taylor won't have to repeat himself."

Doggett, rightfully frustrated, is presented with two options: either assert his authority and destroy Mulder’s credibility with the crew-- in effect, throw a fit-- or let things slide, for now, in an effort to prove he’s not here to fight a petty turf war. At the same time, he's also aware that he is being unequivocally, and unashamedly, maneuvered: treated like a second-rate follow-up to a better and cleverer act. 

And while the wheels spin donuts on the asphalt in his head, Mulder continues to pin him with a rigidly territorial stare from across the room. A warning only Doggett can see: one which states he won't go down without a very loud, very embarrassing fight. 

Professionalism and grinding, instilled respect-- for the oil worker, if nothing else-- beats pride; and John Doggett sits, tamping down his immeasurable frustration with effort. 

During the interrogation, Mulder lets Doggett lead most of the questions, observing him here or there to see how he reacts to the witness's answers. Both men know the worker is lying; but before x-files defacto agent can ask another question, Mulder suddenly wraps up the interview.

"Well, I guess that's it. In a nutshell. Thank you, Mr. Taylor."

Without another word-- and in a move that could easily be mistaken for, or coincide along with, a show of dominance-- he stands abruptly and stalks off, leaving Doggett to trail after. The latter's frustrated "Agent Mulder!" is resolutely ignored-- a silent command to keep up and play along. 

Is it fair of Mulder to act out, continually, on Scully’s new partner? No. But Mulder does have a history of poor behavior when in emotionally compromising states. He rebuffed, then toyed with, then opened up to Scully in the Pilot; and since then, he's treated her with far greater respect than anyone else he's worked with. Mulder has no tolerance for anyone who tests his patience with their blind or willful disbelief-- he won't wait on them to make sweet or kiss it better. He expects them to earn their keep: prove their place, win his respect, catch on and come along. Brush him off or lie or belittle his theories, and he will do the same in return-- pettily in two-fold. Throw in PTSD from his abduction and a sense of being disrespected and swept aside, and it makes for a nasty combo. 

Further still, Mulder is also testing how much of a pencil-pusher Doggett is. He uses irritation to reveal hidden motives: make them angry enough and you will hear how they truly feel, or what thoughts they're harboring but don't want to admit. In the script, Agent Doggett is a confrontational figure, more willing to push back against Mulder's claims on the files, more likely to remind the former head that he and Scully lead the investigations now. In short, this approach worked on paper. It plays out differently in the series, however: Robert Patrick acts the character with more circumspect politeness and awareness. John Doggett's not here to make a fuss unless you poke him about his son. But exploding over Luke is one thing, and standing up to Kersh for the x-files is another. By pushing his buttons and indirectly forcing him to keep up, Mulder is also giving Doggett the opportunity to step up (which we shall hear straight from Mulder's lips pretty soon.)

Is it fair? No. Is it Mulder? Yes.

CONCLUSION

Doggett, whether intentionally or not, shot himself in the foot by dismissing Mulder's first overture of trust. However, he is not the only one to blame for this situation-- if he even is-- because Mulder is returning that perceived wrong with a double dose. 

What will result from their upcoming confrontation: reestablished footing, or equally exchanged doubts and dismissals?

The episode’s almost a third of the way through, so I doubt it will be smooth sailing.

Thanks for reading~

Enjoy!  

[thatspookyagent]

X-Files character: [puts trust in Krycek]

Krycek: [breaks that trust]

X-Files character:

[robinallender]

Books I read in 2022

Normally I try to write an individual post about every book I read, but I didn’t manage that this year. So here is a montage of all the books I didn’t manage to post about!

I loved John Higgs’ book about The Beatles and James Bond and it was a real highlight to interview him this year for Your Own Personal Beatles. I also read John’s book William Blake vs the World, which was totally revelatory and made me feel like I understood Blake for the first time; I love the idea of Blake wandering around London and coming across the ‘large and pleasant’ village of Camberwell.

I reread Nineteen Eighty-Four, Animal Farm and Coming Up for Air for the Moon Under Water special we recorded for this year’s Orwell Festival. (I only noticed this time around that the appendix of Nineteen Eighty-Four is in the past tense, but apparently everyone has already spotted that.) I also read Dorian Lynskey’s ‘biography’ of Nineteen Eighty-Four, The Ministry of Truth, which brilliantly reckons with Orwell’s contradictions and explores the ways in which the novel has been misinterpreted and co-opted since it was published.

R. C. Sheriff’s The Fortnight in September is absolutely wonderful. A kind of Zen-like ambient novel in which a family goes on holiday to Bognor Regis – and that’s it. Similarly peril-free is Leonard and Hungry Paul, a hugely uplifting novel which is a welcome antidote to, well, everything.

I read some brilliant books about music: The Sound of Being Human by Jude Rogers is part memoir, part analysis of why music means so much to us. I found it incredibly moving. Denim and Leather by Michael Hann is an hilarious, rollicking account of a folk culture unique to our isles: The New Wave of British Heavy Metal. 

We interviewed William Boyd for the Moon Under Water (episode coming soon) and it was a pleasure to read two of his ‘whole life’ novels, Any Human Heart and The Romantic.

2022 was the year in which I finally finished Finnegans Wake (started it in 2018 and kept a Twitter thread going for four years, in case you ever get really bored). Did I understand it? No, but I loved its musicality and glimmers of meaning in the dream-like gloom. Don’t we all? 

Elif Batuman’s The Idiot was the best novel I read this year. The title character, Selin, a student at Harvard in the 1990s, is not an idiot – but she is a kind of holy fool. She’s actually incredibly perceptive at spotting other people’s idiocies and pretensions (of which student life has its fair share). Above all, The Idiot is really a novel about language; the way it conceals and reveals – and is full of glowing passages like this:

I kept thinking about the uneven quality of time – the way it was almost always so empty, and then with no warning came a few days that felt so dense and alive and real that it seemed indisputable that that was what life was, that its real nature had finally been revealed. But then time passed and unthinkably grew dead again, and it turned out that that fullness had been an aberration and might never come back.

Peter Doggett’s You Never Give Me Your Money is a superb Beatles book, and perfect if you watched Get Back and want to know what happened next. Why did The Beatles break up? Doggett has a 300-page answer for you.

The Plot is an engrossing literary thriller – although I did guess the twist. Reading Four Thousand Weeks felt like a waste of time (ironic for a time management book). I found it a bit trite, but some people loved it! More edifying was the children’s classic Carrie’s War, which is absolutely brilliant and surprisingly dark.

I ended the year by reading Salinger (again). As always, I’m amazed by how it feels like I’m back in a real place with real people whenever I read his books. I want to write something longer about The Catcher in the Rye because I think it’s one of the most profound books ever written. This time I wondered if it isn’t, in some way, about nostalgia. Holden is recalling the events of the novel a year after they happened and ends it by saying, ‘Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.’

I finally got around to reading Actual Air. David Berman was a genius. His poems feel like the (mis)apprehensions of childhood – full of dream logic, strange familiarity and familiar strangeness. He was also incredibly funny, as in the poem where he meets a choreographer in New York who claims that blue jeans are ‘pretentious nineteenth-century gold rush period’ outfits.

Speaking of strangeness, I loved The Weird and the Eerie by Mark Fisher, a brilliant study of unsettling art, from Lovecraft to Lynch. Via this book I read what I think is one of the best short stories ever written, ‘The Door in the Wall’ by H. G. Wells – an extraordinary tale of lost childhood and unattainable desire:

‘That is as well as I can remember my vision of that garden – the garden that haunts me still. Of course, I can convey nothing of that indescribable quality of translucent unreality, that difference from the common things of experience that hung about it all; but that – that is what happened. If it was a dream, I am sure it was a daytime and altogether extraordinary dream…’ 

On top of these, I read the following books:

Eclipse – John Banville Pond – Claire-Louise Bennett (again) Dance Move – Wendy Erskine Send Nudes – Saba Sams Piranesi – Susanna Clarke The Way by Swann’s – Marcel Proust Unexhausted Time – Emily Berry Transformer – Ezra Furman Some Answers Without Questions – Lavinia Greenlaw Adventures in the Skin Trade – Dylan Thomas Small Things Like These – Claire Keegan When We Cease to Understand the World – Benjamín Labatut Leave the World Behind – Rumaan Alam A Short Stay in Hell – Steven L. Peck The Apparition Phase – William Maclean

So, a total of 37! Not bad going. Next year, I plan to do things a little bit differently and will probably say farewell to this Tumblr blog (which I started in 2011!). I'm hoping to write more long-form posts, so you may see me on Substack.

Thanks for reading and happy holidays.

[no-reply95]

Jealous Guys

Something I’ve been thinking about for a while now is the different ways jealousy manifested for John and Paul over the course of their friendship.

I’m going to look at John and Paul in turn and have a look at some of the key ways jealousy appeared, before, during and after the Beatles period. This will be a looooong post so if you want to go on deep dive keep reading below.

John

Jealousy was something that John acknowledged as a big part of his personality, as far as I’m aware, he only acknowledged his jealousy publicly in terms of his relationship with Yoko but I believe jealousy was a feature of all of John’s major relationships. John’s first real partnership was with Pete Shotton, his childhood best friend, and Pete has outlined how John’s jealousy and possessiveness was a feature in their friendship with them falling out when Pete first started showing interest in girls and with John acting out when Pete started to spend more time with other friends, instead of him, here Pete recounts John’s reflection on this period of their friendship:

“Years later John confessed to having felt acutely jealous throughout that interlude: “I was scared shitless I’d lost you after our fight in science class, when you starting playing with David Jones. I really thought I’d gone too far with you that time.“

Pete Shotton, John Lennon: In My Life , 1983

Pete’s recollections establish a pattern in John’s life of acting out due to a fear of abandonment and losing those who are closest to him so it’s not surprising that once John had formed a strong bond with Paul that would stir similar fears in him. 

Below I’ve categorised the groups of people that were the focus of John’s jealousy and have picked one person from each group as an example:

Family - Jim McCartney

Paul’s family was and continues to be a big part of his life. From the outset of their friendship, John was made aware of how important Jim was to Paul and vice versa. John and Paul had to skip school to hang out together because Jim wouldn’t have John in their house initially and John confessed his resentment of Jim’s influence over Paul’s life. It appears that after some time John grew tired of having to contend with Jim for the position of the most important person in Paul’s life, and this culminated in John giving Paul a pseudo ultimatum as John discussed in 1971:

“But Paul would always give in to his dad. His dad told him to get a job, he fucking dropped the group and started working on the fucking lorries, saying, "I need a steady career." We couldn't believe it… “So I told him on the phone, "Either come or you're out." So he had to make a decision between me and his dad then, and in the end he chose me”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Friends - Mal Evans

Throughout the active years of the band it was typical of them to refer to each other as their best friends and, given the lives they led, I think the simple fact that no one else could understand what it was like to be a Beatle would have meant they all shared a special bond. However, they all had friendships outside of the band and this was something that could cause issues for John when it came to Paul.

According to Tune In, Mal initially became friends with Paul during the band's initial shows at the Cavern Club then, after a suggestion from George, Mal became a part of the Beatles entourage thereafter. Mal had friendships with all the Beatles, as part of their inner circle, but from his comments it appears John took umbrage with the closeness of Mal’s friendship with Paul:

“Paul would suddenly come in with this circle saying, “This is Magical Mystery Tour, will you write that bit?” And I was choked that he’d arranged it all with Mal anyway, for a kickoff, and had all this idea going”

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

Mal also comes up when John discusses his recollections of the writing of Eleanor Rigby:

“So rather than ask me, “John, do these lyrics—” Because by that period, he didn’t want to say that – to me. Okay? So what he would say was, “Hey, you guys, finish off the lyrics,”... “ Now, I sat there with Mal Evans, a road manager who was a telephone installer, and Neil Aspinall, who was a not-completed student accountant who became our road manager. And I was insulted and hurt that he’d thrown it out in the air”...” There might be a version that they contributed, but there isn’t a line in there that they put in.“

Playboy interview, David Sheff 1980

John’s discomfort with the closeness of Paul’s relationship with Mal was something that wasn’t lost on Mal’s wife Lil:

“He was always at their beck and call. He was a nice fella to have around, so much so that it could provoke little jealousies within the band. When I met Yoko years after Mal died, she said John had told her he’d been very jealous at one point of Mal’s relationship with Paul.”

Lil Evans interview with Ray Connolly, 2005

Love interests - Linda McCartney

Throughout their friendship both John and Paul had quite a few love interests, which (to varying degrees) prompted jealousy between them.

Although John displayed jealousy of a few of Paul’s love interests this was no more apparent than with Paul’s first wife Linda McCartney, which is confirmed by both John’s words and actions regarding Linda and her partnership with Paul:

“"Then Klein informed Lennon that McCartney had secretly been increasing his stake in Northern Songs. ‘John flew into a rage,’ recalled Apple executive Peter Brown. ‘At one point I thought he was really going to hit Paul, but he managed to calm himself down.’ One unconfirmed report of this meeting had Lennon leaping towards Linda McCartney, his fists raised in her face"

Peter Doggett, You Never Give Me Your Money

"Int: When did you first meet her [Linda]? John: The first time I saw her was after that press conference to announce Apple in America. We were just going back to the airport and she was in the car with us. I didn't think she was particularly attractive, I wondered what he was bothering having her in the car for. A bit too tweedy, you know. But she sat in the car and took photographs and that was it. And the next minute she's married him."

St. Regis Hotel interview, Sept. 5, 1971

“I was reading your letter and wondering what middle aged cranky Beatle fan wrote it... "What the hell—it’s Linda! . . . Linda— if you don’t care what I say—shut up!—let Paul write—or whatever.”

"Of course, the money angle is important—to all of us—especially after all the petty shit that came from your insane family/in laws—and GOD HELP YOU OUT, PAUL—see you in two years—I reckon you’ll be out then"

Draft letter from John Lennon to Linda McCartney, circa 1971

"The presumption is a) the Beatles would get together again or are even thinking about it and b) if they got together, John and Yoko split, Paul and Linda split"

John (with Yoko) talks to John Fielding on Weekend World, 1973

"John often speculated on why Paul and Linda remained married while, at the same time, resenting their evident happiness, to the extent that he had Green do a tarot reading to ensure him that Paul and Linda were really secretly miserable and were going to divorce within a year"

According to Fred Seaman and John Green, source

Paul

Of course jealousy wasn't a one-way street in the Lennon-McCartney relationship. Unlike with John, for Paul I'm focusing more on the key people I believe his jealousy, regarding John, was directed to:

Stuart Sutcliffe

John met Stu at Art College and struck up a really close friendship with him. At the point that John met Stu, John had already become friends with Paul so Paul felt threatened when Stu entered the picture:

"When he [Stu] came into the band, around Christmas of 1959, we were a little jealous of him; it was something I didn’t deal with very well. We were always slightly jealous of John’s other friendships.

When Stuart came in, it felt as if he was taking the position away from George and me. We had to take a bit of a back seat."

Paul McCartney, Anthology 2000

"Paul was saying something about Stu’s girl – he was jealous because she was a great girl, and Stu hit him, on stage. And Stu wasn’t a violent guy at all."

John Lennon, 1967 Anthology 2000

"I looked up to Stu. I depended on him to tell me the truth. Stu would tell me if something was good and I’d believe him. We were awful to him sometimes. Especially Paul, always picking on him. I used to explain afterwards that we didn’t dislike him, really."

John Lennon, The Beatles Hunter Davies 1968

Yoko Ono

Of all the relationships I've already discussed, the relationship and jealousy displayed from Paul towards Yoko is probably the most widely discussed in Beatles historiography and general discourse. From the official start of Yoko's relationship with John in 1968 it was clear that Paul resented her presence in John's life and her proximity to the band:

"He even sent them [John and Yoko] a hate letter once, unsigned, typed. I brought it in with the morning mail. Paul put most of his fan mail in a big basket and let it sit for weeks, but John and Yoko opened every piece. When they got to the anonymous note, they looked puzzled, looking at each other with genuine pain in their eyes. ‘You and your Jap tart think you’re hot shit’, it said."

Francie Schwartz, Body Count 1972

"Cause she’s [Yoko] very much to do with it from John’s angle, that’s the thing, you know. And I – the thing is that I – there’s— Again, like, there’s always only two answers. One is to fight it, and fight her, and try and get The Beatles back to four people without Yoko, and sort of ask her to sit down at the board meetings. Or else, the other thing is to just realize that she’s there, you know. And he’s not gonna sort of – split with her, just for our sakes."

Paul McCartney, Let It Be Sessions, 1969

"I told John on the phone the other day that at the beginning of last year I was annoyed with him. I was jealous because of Yoko, and afraid about the break-up of a great musical partnership. It’s taken me a year to realise that they were in love. Just like Linda and me."

Paul McCartney, interview with Ray Connolly, 1970

What are the similarities and differences in the way jealousy manifested for John and Paul?

I think it's obvious but bears repeating that both John and Paul displayed jealousy towards other people who they felt would threaten their relationship so that's central to all the instances I have flagged, Jim, Mal, Linda, Stu, Yoko all posed real or imagined threats to John and Paul's partnership.

However, you'll note that I included more sources to display John's jealousy regarding Paul and that I categorised John's jealousy targets whereas I only pulled out two key individuals for Paul, this isn't to say that John was more jealous than Paul was, as jealousy isn't something you can quantify, but to highlight my opinion that Paul's jealousy regarding John was more targeted than John's jealousy regarding Paul. I think what stands out to me is that, I think generally Stu and Yoko are held up as the prime examples of Paul's jealousy of other people getting close to John, as far as we know, Paul never had significant issues with other people who formed close relationships with John like Pete Shotton, Cynthia Lennon, Magic Alex etc., why was that? I think that Paul was more threatened when he felt that John was replacing him so by bringing Stu into the band (even though he wasn't a musician) and Yoko into the studio (one instance where Paul was especially hurt was when John gave Paul's line in The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill to Yoko to sing), Paul perhaps felt that his place as John's primary collaborator was in jeopardy and that he could lose a partnership that had become central to his self-worth as a person - that, I believe, was when his jealousy was most likely to rise to the fore. John, on the other hand, had a much wider range of targets when it came to jealousy regarding Paul, why was John jealous of Linda? Linda wasn't trying to replace John as Paul's collaborator, if anything she wanted the Lennon-McCartney partnership to be stronger. Why was John jealous of Mal? Mal wasn't a musician, Mal was a huge fan of the band and constantly worked to fulfil their requests, so why was John so threatened by his friendship with Paul? For me, John's jealousy regarding Paul was more than just a fear of directly being replaced, I believe John's jealousy was fundamentally triggered by a fear of abandonment. I think the childhood trauma John experienced, of being left by both his parents, meant that whenever any of his close friendships and relationships were threatened, or he felt that someone close to him may leave him, he would act out. John fell out with his childhood best friend Pete when he got a girlfriend, John hit Cynthia when he saw her dancing with Stu, John was rude to several of Paul's love interests and ultimately John never fully accepted Paul's relationship with Linda because, although he could see that she could offer Paul the family life he always wanted, John didn't want Linda to take Paul away and give him a family that meant that Paul would no longer be able to prioritise John in his life as he had in the past.

Ultimately, we'll never know all the ways that jealousy factored into John and Paul's relationship with each other and those around them, as I'm sure it impacted several relationships in more complex ways than I can articulate (i.e. I suspect jealousy played a part in Paul's initial resentment of Brian but they grew closer over time so maybe Paul's jealousy lessened over time or Brian became less of a threat?). I do think it's important to consider that jealousy was present on both sides and was likely a factor in the breakdown of John and Paul's relationship, the breakdown of the Beatles and was a continued factor in disrupting reconciliations between John and Paul into the 70s and 1980.

[enigmaticxbee]

✖️✖️ 8x05 Invocation

The one where... an abducted child comes back 10 years later without having aged - and we start getting hints about Doggett’s tragic backstory.

Best: The discussions between Scully and Doggett about what constitutes success on the X-Files. Interesting that what I was just complaining about with Doggett on the bat man case, Scully is now explicitly asking him to do - just accept that there’s no explanation and find a win in catching the bad guy and closing the case. Doggett says he wants to do whatever it takes to solve the case but he’s determined to solve it like a standard abduction case without engaging at all with the paranormal aspects. I appreciate that this dynamic is forcing Scully into defending her beliefs and not letting her get away with vague I’ve seen things I can’t explain non-answers.

Worst: There are some awkward things in this episode, for expediency’s sake I guess. How much they call your attention to the creepy teen in the cold open. How bizarrely everyone at the school acts when the mom arrives after Billy has reappeared. How after that no one but Scully (and the dad, a bit) seems to find his reappearance weird at all!

✔️ Flashlights

✔️ Woods

❌ Slideshow

❌ Autopsy

❌ Evidence Disappears

❌ Scully Misses It

✔️ Mulder Ditch (the biggest ditch of all)

❌ Sunflower Seeds

❌ Voiceover

❌ Catch Phrase

❌ Scully is a Medical Doctor

❌ Mulder is Spooky

❌ Scuuullllaaaaayy! Muullllderrrr!

❌ Fox/Dana

❌ Inappropriate Touching (that I am here for)

❌ Casual Scully

❌ Casual Mulder

✔️ Trench Coats

❌ Bad Tie Watch

❌ Glasses Watch

✔️ Taking! It! Personally!: Doggett

50 States: Oklahoma x2 (41/50)

Investigate: Apart

Solve Rate: 40%

✔️ Bechdel Test: Barely

MSR: 🐝

Goriness: 👽👽

Creepiness: 👽👽👽

Humor: 👽

Rewatch Thoughts:

Doggett check-in: Does everyone have to have a tragic backstory? I suppose part of his obtuseness on this case is because his secret wish is for his son to be returned as if no time has passed and for everything to just be fine.

Pregnancy check-in: No mention. Unclear exactly how much time goes by during this episode, if it’s only a few days Scully must be at least 8-10 weeks along.

Missing Mulder: No mention. But I sure miss him a LOT. I’m sure Scully does too. I know it’s not txf episodic way but I wish there were at least references to Scully continuing on her on time to look with Skinner and the Lone Gunmen. They’d keep tracking the UFO data, investigating John Does, etc. They wouldn’t just give up!

How can Scully not know anything about Doggett’s son? Did she really not do a background check on Doggett??

Shades of the Calusari possessed by evil twin creepy kid, with the mom desperately pretending everything’s fine while the clearly creepy child is creeping around.

Why are children’s lullabies so creepy 🤔

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s8 episode 2 “without” thoughts

we are back for the second episode of season 8!!! i am very excited!! i wonder how our friend gibson has been in the time since we last saw him. probably not doing very well, tbh. 

curious about this doggett fellow, but more than that, i am invested in the skinner and scully dynamic. and the alien stuff… eh. i don’t really care that much. just free my boy mulder.

okay! let us begin!

(post-episode thoughts: special agent john doggett is working overtime to get out of the doghouse with me. and for the last 2 interactions he had with scully during this episode, i am proud to share that he is making immense strides in leaving behind the ranks of bitch-dom.

he was wavering back and forth during the whole episode, but him coming in with a stupid "get well soon" card and a stupid saying from his dad... oh. okay. well. maybe we WILL grow to understand each other.

which is to say: thank you for treating our beloved scully with kindness. him holding her... FUCK. that look on his face... i'm foaming at the mouth rabies-style

now, is he my new best friend? no. but perhaps he could become a fellow i laugh with over drinks. let me see beneath his brooding exterior...

also, he's a detective. i can't imagine she can keep her secret from him very long- i'd bet like $5 he's already onto her. and it sure is going to be juicy when it breaks. he better keep his ruggedly pretty lips shut)

previously, on the x files….

augh, i do not want to see mulder's mouth surgery again!! that may or may not be actually happening!

OOOO, we begin with a scully monologue. it’s been a while since we have gotten one of those. or at least it feels like it’s been a while to me. she’s talking about aliens… ooo, the UFO disappears into the desert!

intro time!! i’m still gonna need some time to get used to this!! mulder's new headshot looks so strange…. maybe it is because it is in color. or the weird hairdo he has going on, haha.

we just got this new intro and they have already shortened it!!! come onnnn bro, they won’t even let me get in my rhythm!

back to where we left off. gibson is asking fake mulder to let him go. doggett says he will use his weapon. “now i don’t wanna DO that agent mulder, i don’t wanna SHOOT” <- what is that accent he has going on?

i know doggett the character is from the US south, but i'm not really getting that vibe linguistically, LMAO

fake mulder lets the kid go and he runs away. he is still not saying a word. doggett tells him to lay on the ground. he just starts to back away…. then walks off the cliff!!! 

“he went ovah!” <- now why did he sound like he was from boston in that line, lmaoooo!!!

they look down at the body….. ewww, that arm angle is nasty. doggett says he will talk to scully. 

scully and skinner are here and she wants to know where mulder is NOW!!! but… he isn’t there! even though they watched his body fall. 

skinner is talking about how that is not possible… but doggett gestures to a point of impact from the body's fall and the footprint trail leading away. scully is looking around the desert.

she says it was NOT really mulder, even if it looked like him. yeah, and doggett admits he didn’t know him well, but he did know what he looked like. deeply curious to learn if they even liked each other for the 2 seconds it seems they crossed paths.

“i’ve told you that i’ve seen things… things that i can’t explain. well, i have seen what looks like a man transform into another man” “what looks like a man but who’s not a man?” <- doggett is confused af... and can you blame him? he was doing normie cop and FBI stuff until 2 business days ago. “so what is he?”

“you don’t want to know” she walks away. she's tired. it's hot af. read between the lines

“he’s not a man? what the hell is he? hey don’t turn your back on me, i’m asking you a legitimate question”

interesting… that line reads very hostile, but the way he delivered it wasn’t. like he actually does want to know and would be open to hearing her explanation. like he’s sorry, almost.

meanwhile, skinner is watching all of this go down like 👀 lmaooo

scully admits that this is the alien bounty hunter. “looking to collect a bounty on…?” a good question, agent doggett! he is looking to collect a bounty on gibson praise. who is part alien. 

hehehe, these sort of lines do make my giggle. takes me out of how focused i was to remind me that this is, in fact, an alien show

“so this alien bounty hunter… he disguised himself as mulder to come out here and grab the boy?” “to take him back to his ship… where we believe mulder is” <- oooo, how is doggett gonna take this…. 

have i mentioned that scully’s desert outfit is adorable? the open shirt and the pearl earrings… god. mulder, come home and tell her how cute she looks. at once.

doggett settles on “you know, agent scully, you’re uh, you’re starting to remind me a lot of agent mulder yourself” which. you know. it isn't great. but it isn’t an outright rejection. so it could be worse, i guess? he walks back to his car. 

skinner is freaked tf out because this bounty hunter can just… shapeshift into anyone! which is terrifying!! they need a secret code word, i’m telling you.

“wherever mulder is right now… he better damn well be smiling” :((( ohhhhh... perhaps he can sense the cosmic shifts of your beliefs

back at the school for the deaf, there are tons of task force agents. the poor kids are all outside in the heat! let them in with the AC! 

doggett says they must search the school again, because he has to be here somewhere. of course, we know that he could be any of those kids or their teachers.

BLEUGH, fake mulder IS in the school with his nasty broken arm!! that he snaps back into place!!! nasty nasty!! and he shifts into his typical bounty hunter form. and then into the form of a teacher. as doggett comes in. remarks they thought they cleared him out of here. then leaves him. no, doggett! you were supposed to realize you just saw that guy outside! and i'm laughing at that clunky little alien bounty hunter sound effect, lmaooo

skinner and scully return to the school, too, with skinner asking why doggett is out here in the first place- they think he was following them. and where tf is gibson? scully says he’s long gone. nooo, i wanted to see their reunion and hear him reading their thoughts :(

skinner points out one of the kids grabbing a bike and leaving. and then says not to look now, but someone is watching them- “just start walking, i’ll be right behind you” <- okayyyyy, mister assistant director!!! do your FBI stuff!!!

skinner cuts the spy off!! while the kid is going somewhere on the bike… scully is following. in the desert. it’s soooo hot!!! where is she going?!! get her some water!!! eventually, she finds a bike that has been thrown to the ground… serve that hands-on-the-hips pose of bafflement, doctor scully. oh! is this the UFO that she saw shimmering before?

what! the ground is bouncy. a secret door…! 

oh my god, and she’s in heels. they had her ass running in the desert pregnant and in heels. GIVE AGENT SCULLY A RAISE!!

but she finds gibson!!! who declares she shouldn’t have come here. good to see you too, pal.

aww. i know he's all angsty because everyone wants to kill him and he's scared and he can't have a normal childhood. it really *is* good to see him.

we meet his friend from school who was riding the bike! her name is thea, and she is the only one he has told about his alien identity. she is afraid and scully says she has a right to be. you know she is going to keep it real.

and poor gibson might have broken his leg!!! luckily there is a doctor here. she starts to make a splint- just breaking his furniture, okay, love- and says she won’t let anything bad happen to him, reminding him that he can read her thoughts. “you said that to me once before” <- OHHHHH, OUCH… gibson, you KNOW she is trying :(

kersh is calling doggett… he wants to know what he means when he says he saw mulder. “how does the FBI find a man and then lose him in the middle of the desert?” <- so kersh is losing his only friend, it seems. skinner smiles looking at him taking the phone call.

oh, doggett did NOT like that. “this amuse you? i amuse you?” “no. it just made sense to me. how you found your way out here. how you knew about gibson praise” “think i was spying on you?” “no, but i think our new deputy director was” <- oOOOO!! “you’re being made a pawn in a rigged game” 

OOOO... skinner says that doggett is the best of the best, could even end up director someday- “which is why you’ve been set up to fail”. and he tells him he has to listen to scully to find mulder… but if he does, he will still lose! if he mentions aliens, they’ll have him gone. (angry doggett glare)

skinner has effectively clocked the tea. but who is behind kersh, calling those shots?

doggett decides to yell out for scully. everyone is looking for her… but no one knows where she is. OH SHIT!!! she is here. but it isn’t really her…. there are 2 of her!!!

doggett is looking at one scully…. another is in the dorm… AUGH, fake scully chokes a guy!!!! real scully is chasing her fake self!!! but he could shapeshift into anyone!!!  this is so confusing!!! but then… she is gone. “i saw her! you saw her!” real scully runs away…. oh :( 

she is doing some doctoring on the guy fake her tried to kill, and he’s freaked tf out, because he thinks she choked him and then came back to save him. she turns to doggett and says it is someone in this room. do NOT frame my girl for attempted murder!

ooo, can we make them cut their fingers until someone has green goop…?

oh, i guess not, because we get the alien bounty hunter music sting over a shot of a dude with normal red blood coming from his hands. it’s one of the schoolteachers!!! thea runs away. 

mulder is getting tortured over in goopland or wherever tf he is. oh! gibson was dreaming about it! 

sooo… he has some sort of connection to mulder, too? alien DNA lets him see this? and maybe scully has some of this too if the baby also has mulder's alien DNA?

i thought his alien DNA got removed, though... maybe it's more of a soul bond between him and scully. maybe you can't actually remove DNA as easily as this show proposes. maybe nothing makes sense.

the agent who was choked is being taken in an ambulance. this is very bad for scully. doggett scowls as this goes on.

ohhhh, is this a fake scully?! she’s trying to get into the car, but skinner has the keys. she isn't saying anything, which is suspicious... but she thinks skinner is the fake!!!

she says she knows how it works: kill shot to the back of the neck. “scully, you’re pointing your weapon at a friend” but how can they prove this?!

they’re pointing guns…. and he drops his. OOOO, he says he can prove it. “i know your secret, who else knows it?” OHHH NOOO… this is so tense. 

“okay… then tell me” “you tell me… how do i know it’s you?”

OOOO, HE STRIKES QUICKLY AND GRABS HER GUN….

“i don’t LIKE pointing guns at pregnant women anymore than i like them pointing guns at me” <- WELL! skinner has been marked as real. this is verified skinner. unless… can all the aliens read minds? or is that just gibson? the rules of this aren’t super fleshed out.

the way he said that makes it sound like he has experience in the art of pointing guns at pregnant women and vice versa. tell this story, skinner. the people want to know what you have seen.

she seems to accept that this is Real Skinner. he gives her the gun back. and declares that this has gone too far. but she says that is what is wrong: it hasn’t gone far enough. “look, we are being hampered here by the FBI, by john doggett, by doubt, by our own mistrust. whatever it is, it is working… as long as we let it” <- is she proposing going rogue? is this Real Scully? if it’s fake scully, he just told her secret, which could be Very Bad 

“you told me mulder wouldn’t allow it. wouldn’t let me ruin my career over this. over him. but what about you, scully? i mean, my god, you’ve got even more at stake” OHHHHHHH…. it isn't gonna get any less painful every time they tiptoe around the elephant in the room, is it?

i am overcome with a longing for scully’s mom to appear in this episode. 

she starts to cry. “i can’t take the chance that i’m never going to see him again” 

hey guys. i think i need to call in sick with. uh. sorrow. because FUCKKKKKKK. i need to pace. and contemplate. SHE NEEDS TO SEE HIM AGAIN. LIFE AND LIMB BE DAMNED.

she tells him they have one last chance waiting out in the desert: gibson. it may be just who gets to him first. he tells her to get in the car. he will drive. 

thea sees them leaving. is it really her??? these episodes with visual deception are so hard to write DOWN

they arrive at gibson's hideout. but he isn’t down there. scully’s calling for him. he’s laying out in the desert. 

he says he’s here. he hears him. who is here? she reaches out and touches his head…. gibson says he hears mulder. scully proclaims he has a very bad fever. “all right, we got to get you to the hospital, okay, buddy?” <- ohhh, skinner must deal with a child. he never has to deal with kids like our agents do! but now he has left his fancy tasks behind and must work with The People, alien boy included.

he tells scully he is so close. and skinner hauls him up. 

scully tells him to take gibson to the hospital. she stays out in the desert. without a car...?

skinner finds a hospital and brings gibson in…. he yells that he has a boy who needs emergency medical attention! and with a voice like that, you better listen to him.

they get him in a room, and skinner is watching over him. but the alien bounty hunter sound!!! what is going on? gibson is panting! it’s thea… but not really. she shuts the door behind her….

scully’s still in the desert. calling out for mulder. oh my GOD, it’s so sad. the desperation. her howling into nothingness. the sad music… she sees something. what is it?? a bright light in the sky!!! is there hope?? is it him!? are they coming for her?? 

the light in the sky approaches her… but it is a helicopter. not any sort of UFO. doggett? yeah, it is, and he runs out after her!

“for someone who claims he’s not following me, you sure have a knack” “hey, you’re where the action is” he seems like he feels bad for his first impression… and to that i say he SHOULD! 

scully still is not having it. “what does that tell you? that i’m crazy or that i’m right?” <- listen girl, you know i always have your back, but you were wandering around in the desert with no way of getting out, so maybe it is a good thing he found you!

ohhhh, maybe he doesn’t feel bad……. because now they’re fighting in the desert. about aliens.

OHHHH, SHIT HE ACCUSES HER OF LYING… how did skinner know where the kid was? silence. scully approaches. “how do you know that?” OHHH she is SCARY when she gets quiet.

NOOOOO, HE SENT HIS TEAM TO FOLLOW SKINNER… “how do you know that they’re your men?” NOOOOOOO, GIBSON…

the air still shimmers… they were so close to the UFO…. but they have to leave to save gibson…. oh man…… they were so close. AND MULDER IS CRYING OUT FOR HER!!!

does that mean he really is in this fancy alien torture chamber? all naked and stuffed with needles? and he could hear her yelling for him? or is that just how he calls for help even when he doesn’t think she’s around? not sure which option hurts worse to think about.

scully is at the hospital… the men won’t let them into gibson’s room. doggett gets them past. scully grabs her gun. “hey, if someone tries to rip your throat out, i’ve got you covered” <- LMAO, you have to respect the dedication to getting his ass at all times.

doggett knocks on the door… calls for skinner… but the room is empty!!! she runs around to ask where he ended up. 

ohhhh, did they crawl up through the ceiling????

skinner!!!! she finds him!!! he says they went up through the ceiling. she has her gun drawn. he says he has gibson with him right there. 

GAHHH, BUT THERE IS ANOTHER SKINNER IN THE CEILING WITH EYES ALL BURNED UP!! don’t trust this false skinner, scully!!

she has her gun on him. gibson shakes his head- it isn’t real skinner. and he grabs her throat! throws her against the wall. NO, DON'T DO THAT TO HER????

she shoots at fake skinner. and starts to cry. gasping for air. all the alien flesh of the bounty hunter melting away in front of her.

doggett arrives… holds her. crying. while gibson looks on.

oh my GOD, i need to watch that again. that got so unexpectedly intense.

she shoots him right at the base of the neck and manages to kill the bounty hunter… because she is a sharpshooter. at all times. it's impressive even while the moment is so sad.

but he THREW her, she must be so scared… and then she starts to sob as she drops the gun. falls to the ground. gasping for air as the body melts away. doggett calls for help, stepping over the alien goo. puts his gun away. cradles her close while she covers her face and sobs. yells again: "I SAID AN AGENT NEEDS HELP!"

poor gibson in his cast with his broken leg… and doggett realizes he has been thrust into something very serious and beyond his depth at this moment. his hand on her back….

well. that was heavy as fuck.

back in D.C. kersh is looking at the photos of the alien body and skinner’s eyes. AND HE ASSUMES THE HAZARDOUS MATERIALS MUST HAVE BEEN MEDICAL. his denial is quite impressive. doggett says that fact is undetermined. kersh starts to tear into him. “you mean it reads like an x file. but that’s what you intended, wasn’t it, sir? when you assigned me to the case” <- OHHHH….! gasp! john doggett!!! is he a real one? standing up to the big man?

kersh tells him not to come back until he has some answers. 

scully is in the hospital. someone puts a get well soon card in her hand. OH IT’S DOGGETT. OH MY GOD???

“my dad always said it’s not who wins or loses… it’s who takes the worst beating that counts” “that supposed to cheer me up?” “thought so” LMAOOO, OH, HE’S TRYING….

but… is she okay?? is he going to learn the forbidden information?

poor thing... her whole face is bruised up and she thinks doggett still won’t believe her. “what i don’t believe is how long they’re keeping you here” OHHH…. she looks away “oh, it’s just some things they have to check out… make sure of” OH GIRL. please be okay…

(she is such a bad liar, i'm crying. "some things they have to check out" ohhh yes, that clears it up 👍 he is going to piece this together so quickly)

((really, though, jokes aside, i need to know if she is okay. the way she was crying broke me. GOD, to lose that, too...))

doggett reports that skinner is stable, and so is the guy who got his throat ripped out by fake scully. gibson has been taken in by the state, but he asked for special protections, as he imagined she would. that is an endearing addition to me.

“what are you doing here, agent doggett?” “keeping you apprised of the case”

“that’s not your job”

“it is, actually. and officially” he stands up. she looks so confused. “i’m… assigned now to the x files”

she looks sort of horrified. as if hearing this means that mulder is really gone. and he seems to understand this, because he averts his eyes and starts to leave. 

“whatever you and i may differ on, i’ll find him, agent scully” oh…. and you can tell he means it. but she doesn’t know what to think.

back to mulderland. goopland? aliencam? tortureview? i need to come up with a term for this cutting back and forth to his suffering. someone is watching him. maybe lots of someones? in a circle? they all look like the alien bounty hunter. and watch as he gets his face poked. 

the end….

GIRL!

what do i think… i think i want to watch the next fucking episode. DAMN. why do i do this to myself?! no new episodes until the first writeup is completed! it is the law! the ancient law which i think i only broke that one time! and that was a special case! it was the emily arc. you can't blame me.

my first thought… not sure if gibson will be safe with the state. but i sure hope he is.

my second thought… doggett. scully’s partner. woah… 

i think they probably won’t be besties, but they will grow to trust each other. i also think that he has some suspicions about wtf is going on with her after holding her sobbing and her being kept in the hospital for a long time. scully has a reputation for not being the sort of person who cries at every case or attack. although, i must say i would have been mad as FUCK to have seen this when it aired and have to wait a week and see if she is okay. god. poor scully…

and gibson must have been able to read her mind when she was being attacked, and feel how absolutely horrified she was, and that must have been terrifying for him, too… poor little dude with his leg broken. and his family who tf knows where. 

i will get really pissed at this show if he ends up getting hurt… like, the kids ought to be off limits!! at least the ones we get to know!

and skinner’s eyeballs got all fried... but it seems he is okay? which is good! i just didn’t think it would work like that. i guess i assumed that it wouldn’t be possible to recover from that, but again, this show makes No Fucking Sense so. yay! good! you can get your eyes back.

WHEW, that moment where scully and skinner held each other at gunpoint… and she said that line about not being who you are… the ice flashbacks were STRONG! and i enjoyed it. i was really worried that she wasn’t who she was, and that he told her secret to the aliens, because they’re gonna want to know about that for sure and it would put her in so much MORE danger. and the amount of danger she is already in is WILD. but she said she can’t risk not seeing him again… i guess she thinks it is worth it. or maybe it has to be, because she is the type of person that considers it selfish to not do everything she can to help someone else, even if that brings her great personal danger.

i’m bummed that we saw her calling her mom in the last episode but then never got to see any follow through from that. maybe it was cut for time. hopefully soon...

so if kersh was telling doggett everything about where skinner was… did he get put on the x files just to follow her and report back to him? and if so, will he actually do that? is the x files assignment in addition to his task force assignment? why would kersh put him on there if he hates the whole concept of the x files and will reject anything that isn’t conclusive?

or do you think skinner moved him on there and he is rejecting kersh’s assignments… kersh handed him a file and said don’t come back until you have answers. is that him getting “let go”? or his assignment being moved? or is he now the assigned x files debunker guy like scully first was? confused as to exactly who they are reporting to and why. 

and also… are doggett and scully going to go around solving crimes now? or are they going to strategically investigate things that could lead to clues for mulder? and will they get to investigate anything they want, or will the audit guy tell them they can only do this case or that one? and will skinner come along, too, or is he back to AD duties? something tells me he won‘t just let it go. bro is gonna place a GPS on scully, lmaooooo

oh, scully. i just got sad for her all over again. i hope the gunmen are keeping her company. and that her mom comes up right away. i don’t see skinner hanging out with her outside of work, and doggett doesn’t know her that well yet. i guess maybe they could get there but i really don’t see it happening quickly. and she isn’t going to want anyone to pity her, so she’ll be hyper aware on that front, but she needs a friend!!! 

doggett is TRYING, and for that i must give him credit. coming in with a cheesy get well soon card and a line from his dad… oh! well. maybe my heart melted a LITTLE. and him holding her… well. he’s not out of the woods yet, that is for sure, but he can begin his atonement arc. i will allow it. 

what a strange relationship for the two of them to have… him filling mulder’s spot until he returns- if he returns- both working together to find him, both knowing that doggett will never be him, or even come close… having to work with someone else on the x files after 7 years… it’s gonna be so uncomfortable, and scully is going to do her best to not resent him because he isn’t mulder, but these things happen without anyone trying to have them happen. and he’s going to probably try and not say anything when he feels her resentment of him, but i can imagine that it will build up…

SIGH. wonderful angst, i must admit. i do want my boy mulder home. and UGH, they were so close, gibson was telling the truth- but it isn’t like they could just waltz up to the alien ship and ask him to please come back, so maybe they were not actually THAT close…

so i guess he really is getting alien tortured. do we know why? i guess to see how he is doing after he became part alien and then they tried to undo that? is he still dying? or are they fixing him? do they not care at all? if the earthside agents think he’s dying, they’re probably thinking that they are racing against time… and each day that passes will bring more and more stress… and fear and hopelessness… ohohohoho….

i wonder how long it will take for doggett to disclose his Tragic Secret Backstory and if they’ll have a bonding moment over their Sadness. 

WAIT, you don’t think they writers are gonna try and ship them, do you? no… they probably wouldn’t do that. 

and there is another agent coming soon, yes? i assume they might get a little ship-baity with doggett and scully but then lean headfirst into that dynamic. WHERE IS SHE? WHEN CAN I MEET HER? will she and scully be friends? scully, with a consistently on-camera female friend? it seems impossible, but maybe it could be…?

mrs. scully, PLEASE answer your phone. your daughter needs your help. 

have i commented on the scully and skinner angst again today? because MMMM! once again, delicious. when he grabbed the gun from her…. OH! yes yes yes. AND HE CARRIED POOR FEVERED GIBSON AND CALLED HIM BUDDY... OH… skinner :( such a fascinating relationship to have with your boss… you think he’s gonna get all misty-eyed when mulder inevitably comes back and he inevitably realizes those two are going to be together forever. hmm. yeah. a lot to ponder there. and ponder i shall. 

well! a mytharc episode with the usual nonsensical trimmings, but some very interesting character stuff going on here, so i cannot complain. you have to kind of get used to what the genre brings you, i suppose. even if i want teary heartfelt conversations about what people mean to each other every so often, i’ve come to the conclusion that is not on the menu and asking for it will just lead to disappointment. ALTHOUGH, we did get some of that in requiem… so i guess you never know. 

i am pleased! so far, s8 is very interesting to me. i’m glad i’ve gotten to see the first 2 episodes so far, and i hope life won’t keep me so busy that i can’t sit down to do an episode a week. even if it takes 1 night to watch it and then another to edit the notes, that is 2 nights a week of free time, which hopefully isn’t TOO much to ask for. but if i’m too tired to do the whole note taking process on nights when i just want to turn my brain off and not pay attention to anything, i can fill my time with fanfic, which is good, too. so don’t forget to keep sharing your recs!! my list of fave fics keeps getting longer!!!

[scenes-in-between]

Hellbound

“You ever visited Novi before?” “No, I never have.”

Monica can feel Van Allen’s gaze on her back as she continues toward the car. It’s unsettling, but she resists the urge to look back over her shoulder; she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he’s unnerved her. 

It’s not clear what exactly his deal is. Certainly he wouldn’t be the first small town detective with a chip on his shoulder about the FBI coming around to ask questions. Nor would he be the first man she’s encountered who thinks women don’t belong in law enforcement. But it feels like something more than that; the energy coming off him is dark and almost predatory. Monica learned long ago not to ignore those energies and impressions, even (or perhaps especially) when they are at odds with the way things appear on the outside.

When she rounds the front of the car and reaches for the driver’s side door, she lets herself look up again. Van Allen is still watching her, but to her relief, John exits the church just then, and the detective turns toward him instead.

“What’d I tell you?” he says. “Waste of time.”

John glances across the driveway at Monica before responding. “A man was murdered, Detective. Now he might not have been a Boy Scout, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do what we can to find his killer.”

“Funny. I would’ve thought the FBI had bigger things to worry about than why some low-life nobody got himself killed. You must be real busy if you go chasing after every little thing that comes your way.” 

The sneer in Van Allen’s voice gives Monica a cold feeling in the pit of her stomach.

“Victor Potts didn’t just piss somebody off in a bar fight and end up shot,” John says. “Even you have to admit the way he died was pretty unusual. I haven’t seen something like that since I was working a lot of gang cases, and I wouldn’t think you get a lot of that kinda activity out here in Novi.”

Van Allen shrugs. “A little here and there. This isn’t exactly South Central. But it doesn’t take a genius to connect the dots and figure out Potts probably made himself some enemies in prison. You drove here from D.C. yourself, Agent Doggett. You know the city’s not all that far away.”

It’s not lost on Monica that this is, essentially, the very same argument John made last night. She’s grateful, then, that he doesn’t simply agree with the detective now.

“Maybe so,” he says. “Maybe there’s something else goin’ on. If it’s all the same to you, I’d rather not close a case based solely on an assumption of the facts.”

Instead of answering, Van Allen turns his head to look right at Monica, sending another chill down her spine. “Well, it looks like your partner is waiting for you, Agent Doggett. I wouldn’t want to keep you from your important work.”

Monica breaks eye contact, not even caring in that moment if it makes her look weak; she can’t bear another second locked eye-to-eye with him. She opens the car door, sits down inside, and puts the key in the ignition, not looking up again until John gets in the car.

***

Doggett reaches for his seatbelt as Monica starts the car.

“Thank you,” she says quietly.

“For what?”

“I know you think Van Allen’s right, that Victor Potts probably just got on someone’s bad side, maybe while he was in prison. But I appreciate that you’re willing to see the case through anyway.”

He raises his eyebrows. “Since when do you need to thank me for doing my job? Now I might not understand what it is about this particular case that’s got you all tied up in knots, but I meant what I said to Lisa Holland in there, that there’s justice to be served. Regardless of whether or not he’s right, Detective Van Allen clearly hasn’t done his due diligence, and you know that sort of thing is never gonna sit well with me.”

She looks over at him, smiling, before turning her attention back to the road. “And that’s one of the reasons you’re not just a good agent, but a good man, too.”

“Well, no need to act all surprised,” he says, and she laughs.

He has to admit, though, that he’s still puzzled as to why they’re on this case at all. Lisa Holland said that Monica contacted her about it, not the other way around, as Doggett had assumed. 

“Tell me something,” he says. “If Lisa Holland wasn’t the one who contacted you about this case, how did you find out about it?”

He sees her shoulders tense. “I… I read about it.”

“What, over the wire?” he asks, frowning. “Talk about a needle in a haystack. Were you looking for something in particular or what?”

“No, it’s more like… this case found me.”

He waits for her to elaborate, but she doesn’t say anything more. She gets like this sometimes, clearly holding something back, but he knows it’s not because she’s trying to keep the upper hand or keep him in the dark about something important.

No, when she gets like this, it’s because she’s afraid of looking foolish.

Doggett can’t honestly say he buys a lot of the stuff that she talks about, feeling “energies” and that sort of thing. But he knows Monica is a good agent. She’s smart and cares a hell of a lot more than most people. So it doesn’t matter, most of the time, if she wants to believe in auras or ghosts or whatever. More often than not, they end up on the same page by the time a case is closed, even if they don’t agree on how exactly they got there. No matter how this case ended up on her radar, it’s here now, and he’ll see it through.

Would’ve been nice if she could’ve waited until morning to bring him in on it, though. He stifles a yawn.

“Well, where do you want to go next with this? Back to the office to run backgrounds, or is there anything else in Novi you think we should check out first?”

“I think backgrounds are the logical next step, yes,” Monica says, nodding. “We need to know more about Potts’s connections, in prison and otherwise. I’ve also asked Dana to look for any cases with a similar M.O. or cause of death.”

“You think there’s a chance we’re looking for someone who’s done this before and was never caught?”

She’s quiet a moment, then says, “I think it would take a certain type of person to do something like this. Not just the cruelty of it, but the precision. This is someone who has either done this before, or they’ve been planning for a long time, maybe after they saw someone else do the same thing.”

The precision, Doggett has to admit, is the one thing that has given him pause. Sure, he’s seen skinnings before, but they’ve generally been rushed, sloppy, and more often than not, inflicted after death. Whoever killed Victor Potts was skilled, and patient, more interested in prolonging the victim’s torture than just leaving a threat to some rival gang.

“Yeah, you may be right,” he says. “Last thing we’d want is for this to be someone just getting started.”

He sees a shiver go through Monica. “That’s exactly what I’m afraid of,” she says quietly.

***

Background checks are tedious even under the best circumstances, but by early afternoon, Monica can see that the tedium combined with the lack of sleep is really taking a toll on John. His eyes keep drifting closed, and he’s had the file on his desk open to the same page for the last fifteen minutes.

As much as she hates to admit it, they aren’t making much progress. Even sustained as she has been by caffeine, adrenaline, and nicotine gum, Monica knows that the sleepless night is starting to catch up with her, too. She wants to solve this case -- needs to solve it -- but sheer force of will is only going to get her so far. 

“Okay,” she says, clicking ‘print’ on the document she’d been reading, a report about potential instances of death premonitions. “I think we’ve hit a point of diminishing returns here. I say we take some work home with us and call it a day.”

John looks up. “You go on ahead. Truth be told, I don’t think I’m in any shape to get behind the wheel of my truck right now. I’ll grab a nap here and head home a little later.”

Guilt hits her then. If he’s willing to freely admit that he’s too tired to drive safely, he must be completely exhausted. And it’s her fault. This case is important, yes, but did she really need to haul him out of bed in the middle of the night to come look at Victor Potts’s body, or could it have waited until morning? It had felt critical and urgent in the moment, but now she’s not so sure.

“You know what? I have a better idea. Come with me. My apartment is all of ten minutes away, and my couch is way more comfortable than the floor in here.”

“It’s fine, really, I just need--”

“Please, John. I owe you. Let me buy you dinner to make up for dragging you out of bed in the middle of the night. After we’ve both had some rest, I’ll get something delivered.”

He opens his mouth like he’s about to argue more, then pauses. “Yeah, all right. Gotta admit, that sounds pretty good to me.”

She smiles. “Let’s go, then.”

[greifed]

“   you’ve got a good rep, agent doggett. you don’t compromise, you don’t quit. you’re a damn good fbi agent; best of the best. lot of guys put you in the director’s chair one day.                   WHICH IS WHY YOU’VE BEEN SET UP TO FAIL.

john doggett of fox’s the x-files. profiled by linny. headcanon based & selective.

[ghostbustermelanieking]

snippets from an msr historical au

cleaning out my 2019 fic closet lol. this is excerpts of a historical au i did, based on a short au prompt i wrote in june here. it takes place in 1850s new york where scully and emily are irish immigrants who befriend mulder when he offers to tutor emily. i wrote these snippets months ago and it'll probably go unfinished, but i liked it too much to not share. so here is my scattered sense of world building. 

---

Melissa had been the one to suggest the name. She had been there in the birthing room, the only one left after her mother had traveled to America with Bill and her father was gone and Charlie was in England. Daniel had been elsewhere, of course, it wasn't proper for husbands to be in the birthing room, and he upheld tradition stronger than she did, so it was Melissa and her friend the midwife, Melissa holding her hand, Melissa handing her the squalling babe. She had passed out from the pain and felt a rush of relief when she woke up again; she had feared she wouldn't wake up again after it was all over. She knew many women who had never met their children. Melissa had brought the baby back, the tiny child with their mother's eyes and a patch of bright hair, and Dana had filled with relief. If she had no one else in this marriage, which had long grown sour, she would have her daughter. 

Melissa had suggested Emily because she loved Wuthering Heights, recently republished under the true name of its author. "It's a beautiful name, Dana, and perhaps, if she's lucky, she'll receive even an ounce of the creativity that comes with it," she had said, clutching the tiny hand in hers. "What a wonderful thing that would be." 

That had been enough to convince her. Emily Margaret, she'd said, for her mother, far away in the heartlands of a country she would never see, and for her stepdaughter, who hated her fiercely, though she didn't live with them anymore. The girl hated her, for taking the place of her mother, but Dana saw it as a chance to make peace with the both of them. It did not work, though; Maggie had not had any interest in her sister, or in her stepmother, and Dana had long given up trying. Given up on the whole family, her husband included: he took little interest in her or his daughter, and when he did, it was in a possessive sort of manner that made her skin crawl. The medical lessons she'd received as a young woman were long gone, and he saw her only as the keeper of the house and of his child. He wanted more, but she refused. 

When he'd died on the voyage over, a small, shameful part of her had been relieved. She would not have to pretend to love him anymore, to feel the same way as she had all those years before. But she had feared so greatly for her daughter, that the illness would take one of them, too. She knew life would be hard without a husband, as was the cruel and unfair way of the world (her mother had told her as a little girl as she braided her hair), but it would be impossible for Emily without her. She would end up alone in some horrible orphanage, neglected and abandoned. And Dana could not imagine life without her daughter now, imagine being alone in the city she'd heard so much about. She could not go out west alone, and she could not survive alone. She remembered lying in her small, cold, hard bunk, holding Emily's small figure close, her lips to her hot forehead and murmuring a prayer. And God had heard her prayers. Her daughter had lived, and she looked more and more like Melissa every day. 

Emily often has questions about this, the family she will never know. When the two of them are lying in their bed, behind the makeshifts wall John had built to separate their tiny space from the rest of the equally tiny apartment (he and Barbara sleep in a bed on the other side, adjacent to the stove, and their boy Luke sleeps in a pallet on the floor), she will whisper questions about her father, her half sister, her aunt and her uncles and her grandparents. But it is often Daniel and Maggie, the family she will never know. "Did they love me?" she whispers. "Was Papa kind? Was Maggie beautiful?"

Dana offers some truths and some falsehoods, knowing she will never see either of them again, and therefore her stories will never be contradicted. Yes, Maggie was beautiful, although she mostly remembers a girl not ten years younger than her calling her a whore and a witch and a false mother. Yes, they loved her. No, Emily will never know her sister, because though she did love Emily (although Dana does not know if this is true), she did not feel the same for Dana. There is a picture that Daniel had made before they went, of Maggie, her hair combed nearly and gathered up, wearing her best dress, her cheeks thin, and Emily sitting on her lap, her face twisted with displeasure at having to sit still for quite so long. Emily loves to look at it, and of the faded portrait of the two of them on their wedding day, though Dana does not feel the same. But she allows Emily these frivolities. She cannot give her much more than that. 

---

She meets him by accident one Sunday, her one and only day off from the factory. She and Emily go to Mass every Sunday, of course, and then she spends much of the day helping Barbara to clean, cook, do the laundry (she always does hers and Emily's, at least; though Barbara has the time in the day to do it, she will not accept the favor). She takes a rest, sometimes, or she spends time with Emily, playing jacks or cards (Luke Doggett taught her to gamble, and she cannot shake the habit), or with the worn rag doll she and Melissa had made for her in Ireland, or reading to her. Her favorite is a newer one by a man named Melville. Dana relishes the time alone with her daughter, as she is often too tired to do anything like this after work. She has meant to teach Emily to read and write herself, considering that she's too young to start school yet, and John claims that most children already know a bit before they begin school, but she's barely had the time to teach her more than a few words. Sometimes on Sundays, they have a brief lesson, but there is so little time in the week. 

One Sunday, after Dana has hung the laundry, and scrubbed the floor, and washed the dishes, she decides to go and find Emily, thinking they can read another chapter of Melville, perhaps. (She likes the book, she will admit; it reminds her of her father and his stories of the sea.) She expects to find Emily on the tail of Luke and his friends—they are much older than her, but her lonely girl still follows her around like he is the brother she'll never have—but Luke claims he has not seen her. She finds her, finally, on the steps of the building, an old reader Luke had kept open on her lap, squinting furiously at the page. A man is sitting beside her, pointing out the words on the page, speaking in a calm and patient voice. Dana recognizes the man immediately as their neighbor, Mr. Mulder, a schoolteacher who she has spoken to in the hall before. She's seen him occasionally playing with the young boys in the building, or talking with the men and women about books, plays, politics, scientific discoveries. She'd had a particular long discussion with him once on the effects of anesthesia in medicine, which Daniel had commented on several times.

"Emily," she says, and Emily scrambles to her feet and runs to her side, beaming with excitement. "Mama, this is Mr. Mulder, the schoolteacher," she says in a rush, tugging at her skirt. "He saw me trying to read and he offered to help!" 

"He did?" She strokes the top of her daughter's head, messy from where she's taken it out of her braids, stealing a look at the man. 

"My apologies, Miss Scully," Mr. Mulder offers, getting to his feet. "I didn't mean to intrude… I only wanted to help, if I could."

"It's not an intrusion," Dana says, but she is still wary. "I have been trying to teach her, but I often cannot find the time, and she's so desperate to learn. She's still too young for school yet." And privately, Dana worries about what Emily will go through when she enters school, considering the anger New Yorkers have for immigrants. There is a Catholic school she's looking at, simply because it seems like the best option, but it still is too easy to worry. 

"Mama," Emily whispers, tugging her skirt again as if she finds her embarrassing. 

Mr. Mulder smiles a bit. "Your daughter is very intelligent. She should have no trouble catching up."

"I'm six years old," Emily informs Mr. Mulder, her back automatically straightening as if to look older. "In a year's time, Mama says she can put me in school."

"I'm sure you're very excited," Mr. Mulder says, without even a hint of indulgence in his voice. Emily nods, a little shyly. Mr. Mulder seems to be thinking a bit on the subject, but he speaks soon after. "Perhaps if your mother permits it," he says, speaking as much to Dana as to Emily, "I could tutor you in my spare time. Teach you your letters and give you a head start on reading."

Emily's eyes light up, shyness forgotten, and she tugs pleadingly on Dana's skirt. "That would be wonderful!" she breathes. "Please, Mama, can't I do it?"

"I don't know, Em… I wouldn't want to impose on Mr. Mulder's time." The man certainly seems smart enough to educate her daughter, but it seems too large a favor to ask of a complete stranger. It is also worth noting that she doesn't know the man very well outside of polite conversations in the hallway. She offers Mr. Mulder an apologetic smile. 

"It's not an imposition at all," he says. "I would be glad to do it."

Dana bites her lower lip, her hand on her daughter's boney shoulder. "I-I could not afford to pay you anything," she says softly, although that may be obvious. None of them are wealthy—that is why they live here. But she may be a step down from the rest, staying in the corner of a friend's apartment with a screen instead of a wall, using her meager earnings to buy unsubstantial meals and pay a portion of the rent. If she had the money, she would get Emily and herself their own place, but she's got something of a disadvantage in that area. There isn't much she can do to rectify it. 

Mr. Mulder shakes his head immediately. "No money is required," he says, his voice full of sincerity. "I would be glad to do it as a favor."

"I could not ask that of you…" she tries, but he halts her protests quickly. "Do not worry about it," he says. "When I was younger, my little sister was not allowed to go to school as I was, and she wanted to learn as badly as Emily. I tried to teach her, but I wasn't very good at it." He offers a rueful little smile. "I would be glad to be able to give someone else the opportunity where I couldn't give it to her."

Emily tugs at her skirt again and whispers, "Please." 

Dana chews her lower lip again and sighs. "If you are absolutely sure it would not be a problem, Mr. Mulder," she says. "I know Emily would appreciate that very much." 

Overjoyed, Emily bounces up and down on her toes with excitement. Mr. Mulder smiles at the both of them widely. "I can assure you it won't be a problem, Miss Scully," he tells her. "It will be my pleasure."

---

They practice reading each night, at least for a little while. Even when Dana is so tired she can scarcely keep her eyes open, they spend a few minutes going over Mr. Mulder's lessons, if nothing else. Emily has always been a fast learner, and within a couple of months, she is able to stumble through a page or two of Moby-Dick. Dana is incredibly proud. She can remember her own lessons in reading and other forms of education: her father had taught her often when she was younger, alongside Billy and Melissa, but the lessons had more or less stopped at a certain point. Past that, she had more or less taught herself with books of her father's, watching Bill and her father as they worked, more books still from Daniel's vast library. She never wanted that lapse in education for her daughter; it may be inevitable at some point, but she'll do what she can to prevent it. 

Emily seems to adore Mr. Mulder as much as she does the lessons. "He is funny, Mama," she tells her in the second week, after she's retrieved her and thanked Mr. Mulder profusely. "And kind, just like John is. Much kinder than the other men in the building. Luke says he's the best schoolteacher he's ever had, and he's very smart and fair to the other children."

"He sounds very nice," says Dana, swinging their hands between them. 

"He is." She looks up at her with Missy's eyes. "Was Papa like that?" she asks. 

Her voice is so high and innocent, it makes Dana want to cry. No, she thinks, biting her lower lip. She says out loud, "I-I could not say, Em. I don't know Mr. Mulder well enough to make a comparison between him and your father."

Emily nods, her face serious. She looks down at her shoes, almost self-consciously. "I would like to believe that Papa was like Mr. Mulder," she says softly, and Dana squeezes her daughter's hand tightly. "I-I imagine him reading to me some nights, and helping me read. Y-you could take turns. And he could buy me pretty things, perhaps, and teach me all that he knows, like John does for Luke. Do you think he would have, Mama?"

"I know he would have," says Dana. It may be a bit of a lie, but that hardly seems to matter as much as her daughter's happiness. 

---

Mulder had done it, originally, because Emily Scully reminded her of his sister. He'd seen her as often as the other children in the apartment building, sometimes hovering after Luke Doggett the way that Samantha had followed him. But more often, he'd seen her by herself, playing alone on the front steps with a ragged doll in hand, or trying desperately to read, hunched over a ragged old reader and struggling out loud to sound out words, dress muddy, pigtails unraveling. And he had thought of Samantha, sneaking reading lessons in the back of their immaculate library, trying to climb up a tree and ripping a hole in her stockings. It had been enough to cause him to offer up free tutoring, on an impulse, remembering his sister and how frustrated she used to get whenever he would leave for school and she would have to stay home. He hadn't been lying about that. 

But a part of it was because of his admiration for her mother, Miss Dana Scully, who he'd seen in the halls often beforehand. She is beautiful, and intelligent, and there is something about her that simply draws Mulder to her, in a way he cannot explain. He is sure it won't go anywhere past friendship—Emily has reported that her father died only a few years before, on their trip over from Ireland, and Mulder himself has never particularly expected to be married—but he still enjoys any opportunity to spend time in her company. Particularly the talks they have when she drops by to retrieve Emily after shifts at the factory; they often last long, while they discuss books or plays or scientific theories, anything of the sort. Sometimes, he will ask Emily and Miss Scully to stay and share in his supper, sparse as it is; other times, Miss Scully will invite him to share leftovers of John Doggett's, or whatever cooking she has done herself. Sometimes, he fears he is bothering her, but other times, it seems as if she might like him a bit, too. He cannot tell for sure. 

He tells himself it does not matter. He is here mostly to save money, so that he can travel. He hears there is opportunity in the west, but he would be fooling himself if he cited that as the reason. It does not matter to him where he ends up; all that matters is that he finds his sister and brings her home, after all of these years. 

But still, he enjoys tutoring Emily. She's a bright young girl, a quick learner, and sweet. He does not know anything of her father aside from his death, but she still undeniably resembles her mother in every way he can see. He teaches her a bit of mathematics after she's gained some talent in reading and writing, and she enjoys that immensely. She has a load of questions for him every time she sees him: about stars, about history, about how things work and why they happen and where places are. Sometimes, Miss Scully will answer her before he can even open his mouth, blushing a little after and looking at him as if to see if he minds. He never does.

---

She shows up at his door after midnight, her face white, shaking. Emily at her side, curled into her with a blanket wrapped around her shoulder, her face hidden in Miss Scully's skirt, crying softly. For a second, Mulder doesn't know what to do, what to say. "Miss Scully, is… is everything okay?" he stammers, clutching his door in one hand. He sees a sudden splotch of red on her dress, alarming and bright. "Are you hurt?" he stammers. 

She's shaking her head. "No, no, Mr. Mulder, it's not that, it's just…" She swallows hard, her eyes wide and helpless. "I-I need you to take care of Emily. I need to leave her here. Please."

Emily seems to clutch Miss Scully's skirt harder at that, shaking her head and crying more frantically. She mumbles something that sounds a bit like, "Don't leave me, Mama, don't leave me."

Mulder takes a sharp breath and opens the door wider. "Come in, come in," he says, and Miss Scully does, stroking Emily's mussed hair with quivering fingers. "W-what has happened, Miss Scully? Perhaps I can help."

Miss Scully clenches her chin and shakes her head, her face turned down towards her daughter. "I-I cannot… I do not have time for this, Mr. Mulder. I… Please. Please, Mr. Mulder, I have to leave, they will be coming for me."

"Who?" On an impulse, he reaches out and takes her free hand. It is cold and soft, and as he draws it closer, he sees the same glimpses of red, red crescents under her fingernails. "Who is it, Miss Scully? Who is coming for you?"

Emily's sobs are heart wrenching, even muffled by Miss Scully's skirt. Miss Scully looks to be on the verge of tears herself. She does not pull her hand away. "The… the police," she whispers. 

"The police?" Mulder's mind tightens in fear as he remembers something suddenly, something he has often forgotten: the Irish are not well liked here. He wonders if these prejudices have somehow found the Scullys. "What has happened?"

Miss Scully bites her lower lip before lifting her chin so that her clear, blue eyes meet his. "There… there was a fight at a bar," she says tentatively. "John's son was involved, and so he intervened, and was injured. They followed him home. I… intervened, and I… harmed a man in an attempt to protect the Doggetts and my daughter." Her chin quivers once, steadies. She presses a hand over her daughter's head, spreading her fingers over her scalp. "He's dead," she whispers. "And he… he was police. So they'll be coming for me, to arrest me, and I… I will not find mercy here. I have learned that much."

His mind racing, he stammers, "But that… that is not murder, Miss Scully… that is self defense. A-any jury would see that."

She laughs bitterly. "But who can prove it? Emily did not see, and Barbara and John had already slipped down the fire escape. The only witnesses are the men who would have me arrested. And I will be convicted. Americans do not have any sympathy for women of my background." She swallows again, her pale white throat, a bruise blooming underneath her jaw. The sight of it makes Mulder furious. He is still clutching her limp hand. "S-so I am begging you, please take my daughter," she whispers. "She adores you. Take her, a-and take the money I have saved, and you can send her west, to my brother's house… I have to go. If they catch me, I can't let them get her. And if I escape…"

"Please, Mama, please don't go," Emily whimpers, drawing back, her cheeks smeared her tears. "Don't leave me alone, Mama, please."

"I have to, sweetheart." Miss Scully leans down to kiss her daughter's hair. Mulder can see her tears falling, glistening in the candlelight. "I must. But you will be safe here…"

"I cannot do this," says Mulder, speaking abruptly, almost without thinking. 

Miss Scully's eyes widen with horror, and she pulls back her hand as she looks up at him. "You… you will not help me?" she whispers furiously. "After everything, I-I thought you cared for my daughter… cared for me, as a friend…"

"N-no, Miss Scully, y-you misunderstand," he stammers, his eyes wide. "I will protect Emily, of course I will protect Emily, but I… I will not leave you to be arrested."

Her eyes widen in surprise. "You are foolish to offer this," she whispers. "If they catch me… you cannot hide me here, Mr. Mulder."

"I cannot," he agrees. "But I can get you out of the city. You and your daughter both." His mind is racing, full of ideas. "I-I have friends I trust, a house I could take you to tonight. And tomorrow, we-we could go to my mother's house, in Massachusetts, for the time being. The two of you could stay there until… until we figure out a way to get you to your brother's."

Miss Scully is quiet, her eyes wide. Emily, leaning into her mother, is looking between the two of them curiously, like she is hopeful that this will happen. "You will be safe," Mulder adds. "Both of you. I promise you that."

"I could not ask that of you, Mr. Mulder," Miss Scully whispers. "It is too much."

"It's not." Mulder thinks of the money, put aside to search for Samantha. Enough for three train tickets north at least, if not a little left over after to fund a trip to wherever Miss Scully's brother is. A part of him is reluctant to spend the money he has been saving for so long—part of him feels like he is abandoning his sister, his family—but the rest of him is remembering Samantha at seven, at eight, more caring and compassionate than anyone in his family. She rescued animals (kittens, baby birds, piglets from the barn), knitted things with their mother to send to the local orphanage, shared her food with the servants on occasion and stole food from the pantry for the family down the road who never had enough food. She would want him to help them; he can still picture her wide, teary eyes, her weepy voice prodding him to help them, help them, Fox. And he wants to. He looks at Dana Scully and her daughter, the best companions he's found in the past few months, and he knows immediately that he must help them. He has no choice. 

"I have money," he says out loud. "I can get you out of the city. I can help you. Both of you."

"Please, Mama, you must come with us. We can't leave you all alone." Emily hugs her mother hard around the waist, sniffling loudly. "I need you, Mama, please."

Miss Scully looks to her daughter, and then back to Mulder. Her eyes are still wide with fear. She sighs a little, tensely, and whispers, "I'll need to pack some things. My savings…" 

"If you tell me what you need, I'll go and get it. You should not have to go back there."

Miss Scully rattles off a list in a quivering voice: clothes for the both of them, a knife that her father gave her, her bundle of coins underneath the bed. Emily tugs on his sleeve and adds softly, "And my dolly, please. And the picture of my sister Maggie, and of Mama's family. There's two of them."

Mulder slips out of his apartment and into theirs and finds it all, bundling it into a ragged carpet bag. He grabs their coats, too, and the family Bible under the bed, and a pistol he finds in John Doggett's part of the apartment. He tucks the pistol into his waistband and goes back to his apartment, where he finds the girls sitting on his bed, Emily curled up asleep in her mother's lap. "There is no need to wake her," he says when he sees Miss Scully moving to do just that. "I can carry her. It may be easier if she is asleep." 

She nods, taking the carpet bag from his hands. "I… I cannot begin to thank you, Mr. Mulder," she whispers, shifting Emily off of her lap and standing. 

He's begun to gather his own things, shoving his feet into his boots, retrieving his own savings. He puts a few books he cannot bear to part with into his bag, and a drawing he's held onto for years now, a portrait his father commissioned of Samantha. Photography was not in fashion when he and his sister were growing up, and so this drawing is the only memory he has as to what she looked like. "There is no need for thanks."

"You've done too much for us," Miss Scully whispers. She's put on her coat, and Emily's coat, and now she is tying a piece of cloth over her head—he assumes, to hide her bright hair. Her voice, soft as it's been all night, sounds a little different, as if she's trying to sand off the edges of the accent, attempting to sound different. "I… will find a way someday to repay you."

"It is not at all necessary." He shoulders his bag, grabs his hat and pulls it onto his head, before leaning down and scooping up Emily. She is a bit tall to be carried, but much lighter than he expected, barely weighing anything in his arms. She stays asleep, her coat and the blanket hanging off of her lightly. He shifts her in his arms and turns back to Miss Scully. "Shall we go?"

Miss Scully nods, her fingers rushing to button her coat. She grabs her carpet bag, clutching it to her chest, and trails out of the apartment after him. 

 ---

She was twenty-one the first time she was married, at the end of the famine that had plagued her teenage years. She remembered being frightened, if only a little bit. She'd met Daniel a few times beforehand, and though at the time he'd seemed kind and honorable, she found it bizarre that his young daughter was only seven years younger than her. Practically the right age enough to court her younger brother. She hadn't wanted it for herself, it was the last thing she'd wanted in a way, and yet she could not protest. She could feel her mother watching Melissa as she helped her to get ready, and knew she was thinking about the disappointment Melissa had given her by refusing to marry, even driving away potential suitors. Her sister was going to have the life she wanted, and Dana was going to take her place as the honorable daughter, the one who did what she was supposed to do and did not argue. She wasn't marrying Daniel Waterston for herself, but for her father, because it was what he wanted, and she could not stand to let him or her mother down. Her father walked her down the aisle, and she wore the veil her mother had worn when she'd gotten married, and she'd wished to be somewhere else. 

Now here she is again, in front of an altar with a man, but her father is dead, and she hasn't seen her mother or sister in years, and her daughter sleeps in the room upstairs, and she is twenty-eight and grimy and dressed in a dress that is too large for her because her own dress has bloodstains on it. She does not feel like a bride. The only good difference, she thinks, is that she knows her husband-to-be better than she perhaps ever knew Daniel. She knows he is intelligent and kind, and willing to protect herself and her daughter. And no matter the reason for this impromptu, inconvenient marriage, she is glad for at least that. 

Mr. Mulder is holding her hands, so gently in his, and he's not quite meeting her eyes, but she can still see kindness in his face. She doesn't quite have the courage to look at him, either, and so she looks down at her boots. Mr. Frohike, their witness, stands in the corner. The preacher, a friend of Mr. Frohike, stands before them without asking questions. He simply opens the Bible and says the words, all the right ones. Dana and Mr. Mulder say what they are meant to, too, and then it is done. They do not kiss, not even chastely. There is no music or flowers or white dresses. Dana could not care less. 

Just before the ceremony, Mr. Mulder leaned down to whisper in her ear, saying, "I promise you I will be a gentleman, Miss Scully. This marriage is for the safety of you and your daughter. It doesn’t have to mean a thing." 

She blushed immediately, heat rising on her cheeks, and looked to the ground. "I cannot thank you enough, Mr. Mulder," she had said softly. "And you need not worry. I trust you." 

When she looked back at him, he was smiling. "Perhaps we should do away with the formalities, Miss Scully."

"Perhaps," she had agreed, a bit amused. "I won't be a Miss anymore, after all." She offered him a small smile back, still unbelieving that he was helping her so much, that he was willing to hide and marry a murderess. A man she barely knew. "Shall I call you Fox?" she asks. 

Mr. Mulder had flinched, just a bit, and shook his head. "Perhaps… just Mulder, if you do not mind. I have never liked my first name, and most people I know call me Mulder."

It's unusual, but it's no more unusual than the rest of this situation. Dana smiles and nods. "Well, you may call me Dana or Scully, I suppose," she said lightly, unsure of why except that he has always called her Miss Scully, like she has always called him Mr. Mulder. "Whichever appeals to you."

"Which appeals to you more, Miss Scully?" he'd asked, teasing, and then the preacher had been ready, and now here they are. 

Once, she had believed she would never get married again. Now, she is married, and she has no idea whether or not it counts. 

Mr. Mulder—Mulder—keeps hold of her hand as they go back upstairs to Emily. It's the first time anyone has held her hand in years, and she is surprised by how nice it feels, his warm and callused fingers wrapped around hers. Daniel's hands had been cool, his touch unyielding, his voice the same faux-polite sound it always was as he talked to everyone but her. Mulder's hands are gentle, holding her hand carefully—not as if it is fragile and may break, but as if it is something precious, something he cares for. She knows this is not quite the case, it cannot be, but it is nice to pretend, for just a moment, that this is a true marriage, that she and Mulder love each other as a husband and wife should. 

[monkberries]

Hi it's me again. Thank you for listening. Yes it was the lawyer discourse mixed in with general Beatles relationship discourse. You're correct to avoid Doggett's book for your emotional well-being! Sulpy's book is a lot but interesting. Right? Imagine especially from George and Ringo's POV where they were already used to Epstein and Martin playing favorites. I don't blame them at all for wanting someone who finally seemed to give a shit about them.

Oh, that’s a great point about looking at things from George and Ringo’s perspectives! I’ve always thought about it from their point of view as them kind of choosing John, but they also chose Klein because it looked like he would fight for them. That makes a lot of sense to me. In general, I don’t think people make big decisions like this out of hatred, at least not primarily. They make a decision because it looks like the best path to take at the time. For George and Ringo, based on what they knew then, Klein probably looked like the better option.

This is a weird comparison, especially if you’re not American and aren’t steeped in the rural culture here, but it’s a little like voting for Trump in 2016 was. Like he’s not the Establishment, he’s rough around the edges, he speaks bluntly, he promises that he’s an asshole but he’ll be An Asshole For You. It’s sort of understandable why someone would vote for him. And Eastman was like Hillary: upper class, Establishment, status quo, seemingly favoring certain group over the other. AND, just like 4 years later in 73/74 when George, John and Ringo realized they were wrong and sue Klein, Trump also gets defeated 4 years later. Wow. It really is a pretty clear parallel huh.

And yeah, Sulpy’s book is already A Lot and I’ve only made it through page one of the introduction and no further lmfao

[littlelambdrgnfly]

Would you ever do the ultimate beatlemaniac tag? I would LOVE to see your answers!!

Thanks for asking!

How long have you been a fan? Until I was 17, I thought they were good but just not my style, I was much more into punk music!

Favorite Beatle: John, but I adore Paul and George too. John’s just my boy, you know?

Favorite era for music: I’d have to pick mid-to-late Beatles even though I love their early stuff too! In terms of personality, I prefer the early stuff; for the music, the later stuff.

Favorite era for lewks: Teddy boy Beatles, for sure! But I’m a big fan of the moptops and basically 1966 as a whole.

Favorite song: Hey Jude just puts me on another spiritual plane, honestly. But Dear Prudence is a very close second!

Favorite album: Abbey Road. One of my old teachers used to say that Hamlet is as close as you can come to the “perfect” play, I feel that way about albums and Abbey Road. White Album and Rubber Soul are two and three!

Unpopular/Controversial Beatles opinion: They were all bastards! I love them but there’s not a single one of them without a story that makes me cringe.

A song everyone loves but you dislike: I don’t care for The Long and Winding Road, at least the Spector mix. It’s way too sentimental! The stripped version is a lot better. I also don’t really like Imagine.

A song everyone dislikes but you love: Why does everyone hate Wild Honey Pie?? I think it’s such a cute, funny little filler piece.

Your fantasy involving The Beatles: I own a bookstore in Hamburg and become friends with all the Beatles and the Exis. They think I’m super smart and cool, and I get to help them come to terms with their sexual identities, treat women and marginalized communities better, and turn them onto weed before Dylan does, lol.

Tell us about the moment you knew you were a fan: When I heard the Anthology version of “And Your Bird Can Sing” (I don’t know, lmao)

Did you ever have a genuine ‘The Beatles suck!’ phase before becoming a fan? Not really, but the first time I listened to the White Album, the vibes coming from it freaked me out so much that I didn’t listen to it all the way through for years afterward.

Favorite Beatles book: Probably Pete Shotton’s book! I love Mike’s books too, he’s such a funny guy... In terms of more academic titles, I really loved Steven Stark’s book and “You Never Give Me Your Money” by Peter Doggett.

Thoughts on the old generation of fans: I haven’t had much interaction with the older gen(s) but I find the men mostly insufferable. There was this older dude who came into the record store all the time (he bought EVERY single edition of Paul’s last album), and he actively made every Beatles fan who worked there like the band a little less.

If Hollywood were to make a high budget Beatles biopic, what is one thing you desperately hope they include? I don’t like biopics, I hope they don’t make one! If they do, it better just be about John and Paul boning for 90 minutes.

Do you read/write fanfic?: You’re on this blog, so you know this!

Are you the only one in your family/friend group to enjoy them?: My family and a number of my friends like them, but yeah, I like them the most.

Are you a shipper?: Tragically

Favorite movie starring/made by them?: AHDN! I love Yellow Submarine too and I just wish it starred them! It’s very distracting to me that it’s not their voices, lol.

Do you believe in McLennon?:  I’m like 98% positive it’s real

General opinions on McLennon?: I think they were a couple, and if they weren’t, then I think it was because of the general opinion of same-sex couples at the time and fear for their reputation. I hope it was real, but I think I could keep myself together if it wasn’t. It just makes me want to die when shippers ask these kinds of questions to their families though! God, please do NOT.

If you got to change ONE thing about their history, what would it be and why?: Brian shouldn’t have died... But if I had to chose something smaller, then there should have been more of George’s songs on the White Album.

What song has the best vocals?: Christ, I can’t even choose a top 10...

What song do you feel had no effort put into it?: More of their earlier stuff, particularly on Beatles for Sale, but Eight Days a Week really sticks out to me, even though I like that one a lot. It makes me think of that quote, “Let’s sit down and write ourselves a swimming pool!”

What is a well talked about moment in Beatles history you genuinely believe to be false?: When John met Yoko at that art show... We know that’s not real, lol.

What is something you KNOW to be true, but often gets erased in their history?: John and Paul’s whole dynamic, I feel like a lot of people just don’t get it

Least favorite look from a Beatle(s): I hate the collarless suits! I also don’t like John’s mustache.

Favorite look from a Beatle(s): Just all of 1966!!!