#Who needs unhinged tagging when you have an unhinged post!
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radiates-confusion · 1 year ago
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So uhhh, I left my house 👍 and now you get bus chronicles!
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This stop is both quiet and provides cover from the rain! And yk what, I might've missed the earlier bus because I decided to walk to this stop, but here I don't have to compete to sit down, or to work out who's getting what bus, I ge tto Just patiently sit and wait in a known quiet space! Perfection ✨
Anyway, there are snails on the wall across from me and I think that's call. They're climbing it ^ ^
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aceghosts · 8 months ago
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Rooney Shepard (They/Them): RELIC AU
There are stranger things I've learned on the outside Separated by an open door I find it hard to reach the end of my timeline Salivating 'cause I wanted more Is this the end or is this the beginning? -Too Close/Too Late by Spiritbox
[Template Credit]
Tagging (Opt In/Out): @bbrocklesnar, @marivenah, @alexxmason, @captmactavish, @carlosoliveiraa, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @nightbloodbix, @voidika, @strangefable, @captastra, @amalkavian, @katsigian, @cassietrn, @g0dspeeed, @clicheantagonist, @cloudofbutterflies92, @direwombat, @onehornedbeast, @thedeadthree.
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acourtofquestions · 1 month ago
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“She had no magic to wield, save for the keen eyes of the goddess at her shoulder and an uncanny ability to remain unnoticed, to play into expectations.”
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#Elorcan#no spoilers please first read to read along with me#more notes quotes annotations & reacts in the tags spoilers for the chapter & book in post & tags of course pt 2 of 4 perspectives#Lorcan had never felt the weight of the hours so heavily upon him-I FEEL IT 2poor Rowan must feel this 247HURRY where’s Elide?hold on Aelin!#And to send Elide into Maeve's clutches--it had taken all of his will to let her walk away.😭#If Elide was captured if she was found out he wouldn't hear of it know of it. — you’d know cause she’s your mate idiot (I love you idiot#without proving their worth they could still visit--briefly. — ugh Maeve why does everything about you suck so much#If she emerged. — COME ON ELIDE — I CANT HANDLE ANOTHER CAIRN-NAPPING#the Prince of the North and the Lion the protector and the ever impatient in love idiot we all love Lorcan#He knew some of them. Had commanded them. Were they now his enemy? — they are all having some inner morality battles#What manner of birds? Raptors mostly — none from the House of Whitethorn — they fought for him on the other borders… for her🥹😭them#why so many guards if no Aelin hmm???? SHES HERE GUYS#though Gavriel kept glancing to the tattoos inked on his hands. How many more lives would he need to add before they were through?#Aelin had been trained to endure torture. Elide... He could see those scars on her from the shackles. — how about we save them both?😭🖤#She had endured too much suffering and terror already. He couldn't allow her to face another heartbeat of it--#Rowan and his random hatchet now😅😂 it’s giving my wife is gone unhinged in the woods with the bros might become a horror movie vibes#But then a two-note whistle echoed and Lorcan's legs wobbled so violently he sat back onto the rock where he'd been perched-OH MY ELORCAN😭🖤#also Lorcan… perched??? isn’t that bird boy Rowan’s thing?😅😂🤣#her cheeks rosy in the cool night air. — cheeks pink in the twinkling lights tell me bout the first time you saw me (shipping in insanity)#She was fine. She was unhurt. There was no enemy on her tail. Elide's eyes met his. Wary and uncertain. I met someone.#THANK GOD — but also wait WHAT-when?WHO?HOW?#also this quote posted is like one of the reasons I love Elide#another grand Maasverse enterance is on its way?#the fact the opening line shows that being sold out to Maeve is the same as death — OH GET TO AELIN ALREADY PLEASE#no more tattoos guys — what’s with Maeve’s wolves — isn’t dark haired beauty what Elide called the girl in the caravan so maybe it’s her
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 5 months ago
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watching fandaniel go is wild because he is just [vestibular stims] [vestibular stims] [vestibular stims] [vestibular stims] and yeah man that's a mood
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#ffxiv fandaniel#the cutscene where he's dancing and pacing in front of zenos in the armory while they talk genuinely startled me a little#with how accurately the editing and camerawork captured What That Stim Feels Like#i'm less inclined to do Large Amounts of Spinning and Bending; and the way i get my arms involved looks different#but something about the energy to it and the center of gravity and the way he Turns when he steps is just Oh Wow Yeah Same#on one hand; surface-level he's the type of Unhinged Manic Pixie Dream Boy that you'd think would be a bit on the nose for adhd headcanons#(which would be valid anyway to be clear but still)#but like. motherfucker has adhd just look at him#and honestly i like that a lot because 'surface level' is the keyword here. he Has Depth and is adhd about it#i need to find that post about how masking doesn't necessarily mean trying to pass for neurotypical#among other things; it can look like playing super hard into Look at How Megadifferent and Quirky and Weird I Am; and yeah that's him#and tbh he kind of vibes to me as having gotten into Being an Obnoxious Flamboyant Theater Kid#specifically because it's a useful cover for being his brand of ND#'those damn wacky rich gay nobles' as an explanation for your behavior is going to get you a very different niche in society#than 'that weird dude who talks strangely and can't sit still and whose social cues are A Little Off'#'and makes bizarre disruptive distracting movements with his body while he talks'#anyway diversity win etc etc i love him#ableism mention cw#ffxivtag#FF tag
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crossbackpoke-check · 7 months ago
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You have excellent tag thoughts, especially about Key & Laf!!!!
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thank you!!!! i wish i had a better description than just 🥹🦋😭💕🥰 to explain my reaction to you saying nice things about my tags but please trust that this ask just made my day!!!
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gimmick-blog-bracket · 2 months ago
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@hellsitegenetics
I love them
I didn't know I needed to know that the weed-smoking girlfriends post was genetically a wolf, but I did, and I do. Also puts great stuff on my dash.
it’s so fun to be scrolling unhinged posts and then boom. an organism!
so many moths‼ also, unexpected comedy with some of the matches
perfect blend of silly and informative, and makes for an excellent punchline at the end of a long post. puts creatures on my dash. literally what more could you ask for
It's a really unique blog concept and a lot of times the results are pretty funny. It's great when the sequence matches the post content too!
Creatures 👍
Finds beautiful creatures out of the mess of the hellsite
Offers finality AND gives us a creechur.
I love them. English speakers talk like moths
If this blog wins, they could run the text of the winning announcement, and determine the post's genus and species!
They're also very good about tagging the type of creature depicted in the results, so as long as you mute tags of creatures you don't want to see, it's a very fun time seeing iconic legacy posts (and new submissions) being reduced down to a string of letters and assigned a random species of fish or moth or something!
uhh it’s cool
BLAST
There are so many weird bugs in the world
Yippee!!
If, as Haldane said, God has an inordinate fondness for beetles, then surely this blog proves that Tumblr has an inordinate fondness for moths.
Top tier blog as a geneticist, I love seeing obscure organisms and MOTH
Admin got rate limited after trying to blast the bee movie
the knowledge of biology to pull this off (i have taken one biology class in my life) and also the work to find all the strings honestly deserves quite a bit of praise
This gimmick blog has it all: science, pictures of animals, interaction with the text of other peoples' posts, interesting information, and a unique and fun premise. As a biologist, I'm rooting for hellsitegenetics to reach the end and take the tournament, because it is truly a standout among gimmick blogs.
If they win, perhaps this blog too shall become a cool organism :3
@making-you-in-spore
Incredible works of art from a limited medium, the blog favors quality over quantity and I am always in awe when a dancing creacher in Spore [2008] crosses my dash.
His spores often take him multiple hours to create, and he will go through astounding amounts of effort to commit to the bit. He made his cull poll in spore and then blew it up. Hes also super responsive and active and seems really eager to share his creation techniques and spread the joy of making things in spore [2008]. His blog almost singlehandedly sparked a significant resurgence in interest and playerbase of a 16 year old game that most people see as nothing but a meme. Hes just a guy who likes spore [2008]
i say vote for making you in spore because seeing them blow up their opponents after they win is hilarious
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taasgirl · 2 months ago
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blame - driver!reader x grid
summary: driver!reader goes to war protecting her teammate and best friend, max verstappen.
a/n: this is NOT a romance smau!!
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liked by user76, user98, and 6, 872, 014 others f1 Following a breach of conditions set by the FIA, Max Verstappen will serve a mandatory community service period.
tagged: maxverstappen1
ynusername just say ya'll can't handle him and move on!!!
user27 be careful y/n, they'll send you too user46 HAHA SHE'S SO REAL
user51 this is so stupid
user90 who decided this???
user75 Okay I understand him getting community service for the Ocon incident, but for swearing?
user21 they're treating max like he's a child
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liked by oscarpiastri, redbullracing, and 2, 379, 918 others ynusername unbothered, moisturised, and definitely plotting to overthrow the fia!
tagged: maxverstappen1
user59 My dreams 5 minutes before my alarm:
user61 y/n and max are never beating the platonic soulmates allegations
user87 Get yourself a teammate that fights the FIA on your behalf @/estebanocon
maxverstappen1 I was going to say something nice then I saw the last photo.
ynusername pls still compliment me x
oscarpiastri I agree with the caption
landonorris ur too ashy to be moisturised
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view ynusername's story...
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caption only the FIA could ruin a beautiful flight @/alex_albon
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liked by carlossainz55, alex_albon, and 1, 256, 280 others ynusername me and bro suiting up to destroy the FIA
tagged: carlossainz55, landonorris
lewishamilton This is why you're my favourite on the grid
ynusername this is why you're the 🐐
oscarpiastri Hey I hope you were joking when you said you'd be turning into a grid terror haha (please be joking)
ynusername don't worry ur safe xx
landonorris WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS Y/N???
landonorris If me and my gang pull up ahh post
ynusername yup you're now my number one target for unironically using 'ahh'
maxverstappen1 I hope I am bro
ynusername there's no one i'd rather serve community service with
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liked by fernandoalo_oficial, lewishamilton, and 3, 287, 3389 others ynusername don't worry I won't actually replicate crashgate. however, please know that I have free reign over my radio xx
landonorris Thank god u had me scared for a minute
user49 y/n is taking this too far 😭
ynusername oh i can go further if needed
lewishamilton HAHA this is gold y/n
ynusername when I have the praise of sir lewis hamilton then I know that I'm doing something right
user20 OMG Y/N GOING INSANE ON RADIO IS A NEEEED
user91 y/n is the only reason i'm tuning in this weekend
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view ynusername's story...
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caption: I have some business to attend to this sunday afternoon
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liked by user62, user87, and 209, 557 others f1updates Not shy on the radio so far! Y/N on the formation lap, and she'd already quizzing her engineer.
user83 she's so unserious i love her
user90 This is my sign to strictly watch her onboard today
user41 y/n really is going to put on a show huh
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liked by user 34, user75, and 1, 722, 981 others f1updates A few of the unhinged thing's Y/N was saying during today's race. Safe to say that she may be sporting a ban for the next race.
user38 her engineer replying with 'affirm' is so fucking funny to me
user92 And ya'll still wonder why she's my fave driver
user47 THE WAY THIS ISN'T EVEN EVERYTHING SHE SAID
user28 what else did she say??
user47 @/user28 she went on a whole tangent about how stroll is a prick that shouldn't be in f1 😭😭
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liked by charlesleclerc, landonorris, and 3, 615, 248 others ynusername FIA knew I'd be too powerful for another race (hey at least bestie doesn't have to do community service).
maxverstappen1 You're insane I love you
ynusername dinner is still on you right?
landonorris NOOOOOO RIP Y/N
ynusername bitch i'm still alive
oscarpiastri Welcome back Kevin Magnussen liked by ynusername
redbullracing She might be crazy, but she's our kind of crazy!
ynusername pls keep me employed ya'll
view landonorris's story...
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caption Yes, she still has the helmet on
view maxverstappen1's story...
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caption Okay time for us to get to work
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eeee i hope you guys liked this, please let me know if you did!
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planetpiastri · 1 year ago
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pairing: lando norris x fem!reader [no faceclaim, reader is faceless] summary: yn and lando are couple goals around the mclaren garage, but they don't want oscar to feel left out. the problem? oscar would very much like to be left out. notes: school has finally released me from its chokehold so i'm doing my part in filling the winter break void. part 2 of my logan smau is in the works, but in the meantime, here's this<3 enjoy!
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liked by landonorris, mclaren, and others
ynusername recent stuff (following my two favorite boys around like a stray puppy)
view all 1,659 comments
mclaren Always a pleasure to have you in the garage! 🧡
landonorris nyoom
ynusername vroom, even
username1 always a good day when yn refers to lando and oscar as her favorite boys
oscarpiastri Thanks for buying me dinner 👍🏻
ynusername you're welcome kiddo 🫶 oscarpiastri Please don't call me that
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mclaren
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liked by landonorris, ynusername, and 211,329 others
mclaren pookie #1 and pookie #2 dump (📸 - ynusername)
view all 3,789 comments
username2 WHO PUT THE ADMIN UP TO THIS
oscarpiastri Why would you say that
username3 im cackling this had to be yn's idea
landonorris pookie and proud 💪
username4 everyone say thank you yn for taking cute pics of our boys
ynusername you're welcome 😁
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ynusername
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liked by carlossainz55, landonorris, and others
ynusername let! him! cook!!!!!
view all 1,802 comments
username5 oh my god that is so much fire
oscarpiastri Do NOT let him cook I repeat do NOT let him cook
landonorris it was fine you big baby nobody got hurt 🙄 oscarpiastri I'd sure hope so??
username6 yn and lando are kind of unhinged together omg
username7 and that's why we love them 😌
mclaren Please bring our driver back to the paddock in one piece! 😬
landonorris all that fire and you were still the hottest thing in the kitchen 🥵🥵
ynusername 🤭🤭
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landonorris
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liked by oscarpiastri, ynusername, and 738,899 others
landonorris actually can't think of a better way to spend this life 🤍
view all 6,038 comments
username8 CAPTION IM IN TEARS 😭😭
username9 where's my credit for sending you the video lando
landonorris how many times do i have to teach you this lesson old man?? 👊💪
maxverstappen1 Too sweet
ynusername you're my everything 💌
landonorris you ARE everything oscarpiastri And Lando's just Ken landonorris this guy gets it
maxfewtrell Happy for you or whatever
username10 glad to know i'm not the only one crying over that video of lando and yn
georgerussell63 Don't worry I am too alex_albon me too carlossainz55 Me three username11 yo??
username12 help there are so many drivers in the comments 💀
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oscarpiastri
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liked by logansargeant, ynusername, and 179,025 others
oscarpiastri Hanging out with Mum and Dad 👍🏻
view all 2,078 comments
landonorris she started crying when she saw this btw
oscarpiastri Sorry? landonorris don't be, it's the pregnancy hormones ynusername I AM NOT PREGNANT DELETE THIS BEFORE THE WAG PAGES START POSTING
username13 ok but does oscar need a step-sister i wanna be part of this family
ynusername love u kiddo 🥹🧡
username14 oscar liking this comment oh we've come so far from when he used to tell her to stop calling him that oscarpiastri I've stopped fighting it
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tagging: @sonder-paradise hey girl<3
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request: hiii, could you do a smau similar to ‘heart eyes’ but with lando and oscar is the suffering third wheel? -from anon
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nqueso-emergency · 3 months ago
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I need the bestie boos to fucking THINK.
This shit started in season 7 when death threats were sent to Tim. Over a certain scene. Then, Lou gets treated like shit, you guys made JLH get emotional on an Instagram live because you yelled at her AFTER she said, "I really don't think the Buck and Eddie thing is going to happen guys. I think we need to let it go."
In a live with Kenny, he said "Eddie and Buck? Looks like it's not going to happen, looks like it's the Tommy/Buck show, don't you think?"
Lou's sister got harassed, Tim's messages got shared in a gotcha, everyone wants to bring up Lou's past Instagram posts or Ryan's past lives, three internet trolls have to constantly tag cast and crew in every damn "horrible" thing someone does that goes against Buddie, some sick fuck wrote csa fics and purposely tagged them wrong just so they could traumatize others.
You use slurs, you harass anyone connected to the show, everything is a damn joke to you.
You get a picture of Aisha, Oliver and Ryan. And what do you do? You gloat. You make fun of people who like Tommy with Buck and call the actor jobless.
And then last night, Oliver shares a picture from his trailer and you unhinged freaks bitched and moaned and threatened violence in not one, not three, but SIX DIFFERENT INBOXES.
Oliver. Lou. Tim. 911 insta. Ryan. ABC.
And in a move so vengeful one of you crossed the line and now we're here.
So please tell me how it makes no sense to protect the talent, to phase out buddie propaganda, to show that mustache 50 times a week and to delete hateful comments.
You've made your fanon bed, now lie down, shut tf up, and suffer the consequences.
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all-purpose-dish-soap · 6 months ago
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do you have a masterlist?
i do now 👉👉
👇
nsfw content is marked per post.
everything mine | desktop only: everything mine but chronological
stories snippets everything Gaz everything Soap everything Ghost everything Price everything multi-141 and poly 141 everything Alejandro everything KorTac everything Hesh and Keegan tag games/ask games
---series masterlists---
soulmate Soap
gym partner Gaz
post-apocalypse au
shark mermen 141 AU
---other series---
pick up lines
at Gaz: looking good.
at Soap: do you have a mirror in your pants? because i can see myself in them.
at Soap: what’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? you can’t hear an enzyme.
at Soap: do you like magic? because I’ve got a rabbit and a wand we can use.
^ follow-up: i think you broke me. / would you rather i broke your bed instead?
at Gaz: call me bunny, cause i wanna bounce on your lap
^ follow-up in the car
messy sexual tension Gaz
01: Gaz making things sexual on purpose 02: Gaz being jealous 03: Gaz getting your lewd selfie 04: …
soft dom gaz (wholesome route)
01: falling into bed with soft dom Gaz 02: waking up next to soft dom Gaz
soft dom gaz (toxic route)
01: flirting with Gaz on the job 02: spreading rumors about dating Gaz 03: spreading rumors about dating Gaz, part 2 snippet: you like it when Gaz bullies you snippet: Gaz isn’t gonna fix you <3 snippet: Gaz “savior complex” Garrick
TF-141 and free use medic reader
free use + rough sex + group sex
Soap is pissed
Ghost and Gaz protective over you
Ghost teaching Soap how to take care of their toy
with Alejandro
first time meeting Ghost
Ghost + coworkers with benefits, part 1
Ghost + coworkers with benefits, part 2
dark courtly love au
01. a courtly love au, but unhinged 02. Ghost is a weapon
---misc by character---
Soap
“And why would a medic need a call sign?”
Soap is a munch, but it’s not for your benefit
meeting best friend Soap at the airport (hurt/comfort)
Soap indulging himself on you
Gaz
Gaz plays tank; you play healer
snippet: Gaz bites you bites you bites you bites y
Price
smutty collab: Price impolitely asking for your attention
Nikto
Nikto and honeypot reader (a la red sparrow)
Hesh
offering to help Hesh out with his virginity
Keegan
snippet: let me divorce you
snippet: ex-husband keegan
Captain MacTavish
treating you like an unruly kitten
^ soft counterpart: when you keep fighting him anyway
multi
snippet: thinkin about a reader who is a people-pleaser in bed (with TF141)
snippet: people-pleaser reader + Horangi (+ KorTac)
snippet: TF141’s reactions to “can you get this thing off the top shelf for me?”
snippet: TF141’s reactions to “want me to paint your nails?”
snippet: topping Gaz and Ghost
^ follow up snippet: biting Gaz and Ghost
snippet: TF141’s favorite sexy clothes on you
snippet: TF141 protecting you because you’re their asset
snippet: TF141 with a Japanese/bilingual reader
totally failed at making a cake for the boys
if the military wanted you to have a wife, they'd issue you one
snippet: TF141 + cars
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httpsserene · 1 year ago
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𝐡𝐭𝐭𝐩𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐟𝟏 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥
𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐚𝐝 𝟑: 𝐨𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐩𝐢𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 | 𝐜𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐱 & 𝐬𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠
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📖𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: your boyfriend has to make an appearance at some sponsor event. he's gone ahead and bought you an alluring outfit, but he failed to mention how seductive he looks in the new fitted suit his team got him. you two won't be staying long, but you increase the pace by riling him up, mostly unintentionally. so it's your fault that he makes you ruin his loaned mclaren. 📖𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: 18+ only. explicit. squirting. car sex. semi-public sex. ooc (out-of-character) oscar. overstimulation. mild possessive behavior. mild jealousy. vaginal fingering. vaginal sex. condom usage. the audacity of men. lando norris’ savior complex /jk. author’s overuse of italics and run-on sentences. 📖𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 5k words 📖𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴: oscar piastri x fem!black!reader 📖𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲: oneshot. 📖𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗸: water • tyla
𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗲: what can i say, y'all. back at it with the unhinged thirst. every time i do one of these, they've been getting shorter and shorter. don't be afraid, for #4 (dr/mv) i'll be back on my game, they deserve it. yes gremlin lando appearance. also, i cannot imagine oscar ever acting this way, that's why i put the ooc tag? it's definitely a fun read tho (i think), along with the smut! thank you, loves, for the support on this event!
want to be added to my general taglist? or my f1 kinktober taglist? send me an ask!
thank you to my betas! @biancathecool for helping with my grammer and @barnestatic for her wonderful spoiled brat idea :))))
cross-posted on my ao3, httpsss
if you want to look at what i'm planning for ktober, or catch up on previous uploads here's my f1 kinktober masterlist and my general masterlist for all of my works!
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oscar is known for his unfazed, composed and collected demeanor. he’s aware that some people say he has no personality–but, he’s just an introvert at the end of the day. oscar’s a man of few words: that’s what people who aren’t well acquainted with him would say. if you’ve had the pleasure of sticking around oscar long enough for him to become comfortable with you, you’ll learn that oscar has an incredibly complex personality. he’s overly sarcastic, has a niche sense of humor, and can ramble endlessly at you. but, he’s still a fairly calm and quiet individual. which is why the way oscar is about to scream at the top of his lungs in the middle of this mclaren event, would be considered uncharacteristic of him.
he originally invited you to join him tonight thinking that having you by his side would eliminate the social exhaustion he experiences at these types of sponsor events. however, the aussie failed to realize that you may introduce a…different problem, to tonight’s business party. when oscar asked you to join him two weeks ago, he was prepared for all of your objections–you’re both chronic homebodies, and you both hate partaking in small talk with balding, later-aged, cologne-drenched, white men who don’t know when to let a conversation die. he chose the perfect time to ask you (after you emerged from the bathroom post-self-care bath), and addressed all of your grievances. 
oh, you don’t have anything to wear? he already bought you an outfit, had it altered to perfectly fit your measurements, and bought you a pair of heels and a purse to match. oh, you won’t be able to get your hair done in time? he already scheduled an appointment with your usual hairstylist the day before the event, paid all of her fees, and tipped her very nicely. oh, your nails aren’t done?  he booked you a spot at your preferred nail salon for a premium mani-pedi, and has a few nail inspiration photos picked out if you can’t decide. if you need your lashes done or need to get waxed, he can make the call right now; he has them on standby to fit you in.
knowing the amount of phone calls oscar had to partake in to arrange all of this causes you to fold and agree to join him. there’s nothing more the two of you hate than making phone calls–well, besides the pr events.
oscar had chosen an alluring burnt-orange mesh corset and matching ruched ankle-length skirt that looks beautiful against your warm, soft and shining brown skin. your hair is silk-pressed, length reaching your mid-back and your edges are laid in a minimal manner, matching the simplicity of your makeup look. simple gold rings are spread across a few fingers, ears accessorized with a pair of small good hoops oscar gifted you, and his initials rest in the dip between your clavicles attached to a thin gold chain. objectively, you're considerably modestly dressed, the only skin you're showing is on your arms, shoulders, a smidge of your decolletage, and the tops of your feet in the low-heeled strappy sandals. 
this is the start of what oscar failed to account for. he didn’t expect the outfit to hug your curves like plastic wrap. the whole night he’s had to forcefully deny himself the opportunity to stare at your ass, but that doesn’t mean the other men at the event have the same courtesy. he’s taken to burning holes with his eyes into anybody who lets their gaze linger over your form for a second too long. on a regular day, oscar is generally unaffected by anyone who appreciates your body (they can look, but the second they try to touch–you let them know exactly how they had you fucked up), but if he catches one more mclaren engineer undressing you with their eyes–he will make zac fire all of them; he’ll plan his own race strategy and do his goddamn pitstop by himself.
oscar also didn’t account for how your timid and sweet attitude would have everyone enamored with you; at first, watching everyone eagerly attune to your shy words was amusing to him, but it quickly became a nuisance. he was originally leading you around the room, doing his rounds at any important figures’ tables, and everything was fine. and then, oscar had made the obvious mistake of making you laugh–a pleasant stream of giggles spilling from your lips, dimples deepening, and smile widening at whatever small joke he made. he’s always thrilled to see how you throw your head back in amusement, how your hands clap together gleefully, and how your eyes squint in from the force of your laughter. as he shakes himself out of your dazzling trance, he attempts to rejoin the conversation–but every single person at the table remains entranced and wide-eyed at you. 
this would be completely fine, of course, if it was a one-off occasion; but it’s not. 
suddenly, every person oscar tries to thank for supporting mclaren, starts ignoring him and paying more attention to you. he’s literally the pilot of the car that these people are spending an absurd amount of money on, but they can’t even bother to try and pretend to listen to him. men and women alike are finding any excuse to prolong conversations with you, and even lean within your personal space with the excuse that ‘they can’t hear you very well because you’re so soft spoken.’ nobody can invade your personal space, but oscar. he has no choice but to do the very thing he hates–pda. you continue to circle around the room, his hand constantly resting on the small of your back or the dip of your waist. when you’re in the middle of listening to some completely unnecessary story a man is telling you, oscar constantly adjusts your hair, plays with your rings, and smooths down your skirt if he feels like they’re trying too hard. you banish oscar to getting you a glass of water when he begins to interject in conversations in a passive-aggressive manner.
his third strike off the night, might actually be an overall win in his books. when you saw oscar in his new fitted suit, you stared him dead in the eye and told him to ‘get naked and rail you’. it’s this beautiful deep cream color that pairs perfectly with the dark orange tone of your outfit, but the vest underneath the suit jacket highlights his tiny waist so clearly that it makes you want to scream. in between socializing, you overwhelm oscar with compliments, unable to stop telling him how handsome he looks. you surgically attach yourself to his side and hug his arm; taking an occasional squeeze of his bicep, playing with his cufflinks, and tracing the veins on the back of his hand. oscar practically runs to get you a refill of water because he’d be unable to stop himself from getting fully hard if you touched him any longer–the trousers hide nothing.
he can feel your burning gaze from across the room, and turns back to watch you after asking a waiter for water, and catches your eyes roaming the length of his body. in high-definition, he sees your tongue wetting your lips before you bite at your bottom lip–and then, your attention is stolen away from some random man who’s introducing himself to you and the group of ladies you found yourself accosted by as soon as oscar left your side.
and, that’s it for oscar. he thinks he may have heard his last-fucking-button being pressed inside his head, and seethes. he goes to push off from his leaned stance against the counter and makes to start his warpath, but a hand grasps at his shoulder. oscar turns around snappily, biting out an irritated and sarcastic, “can i help you?”
“woah! calm down now, mate. thought you were going to bite my head off for a second,” it’s lando, “if i were anybody else i’m sure there would be an unfortunate tabloid of ‘how oscar piastri is the most rude f1 driver on the grid’” lando jokes teasingly, yet a hint of seriousness leaks into his tone. 
oscar nods, understanding the underlying warning within the brit’s teasing. he apologizes softly to lando, before glancing back over at you, and can infer that you charmingly informed the man that you have a boyfriend—based on the way you point in his direction. oscar watches the polite smile fade from your face as the man continues to bother you, and the murderous look rises to his face again.
“OKAY”, lando claps abruptly, startling not only oscar, but everyone in a 10 foot radius. lando waves everyone else’s eyes away, smiling like he didn’t do anything, and speaks underneath his breath, “go. i’ll cover for you.”
oscar’s mouth drops open, baffled, “what?”
“leave—get your girlfriend and go,” lando says matter-of-factly, his smile becoming genuine, “zac probably won’t like to hear that you looked particularly murderous, and he definitely won’t like hearing that you slaughtered our sponsors, and that i let it happen.”
oscar snorts before he thanks lando sincerely, and the brit dismisses him, “i’m just looking out for my rookie teammate as the senior driver for our team. i can’t let your horny teenage mindset become common knowledge to our esteemed guests.”
“first of all,” oscar says dryly, his grateful mood dissipating at the mocking, “i didn’t even know you knew the word ‘esteemed' existed,” lando scoffs, “and secondly, you are literally only two years older than me.”
lando looks at oscar with a blank stare and deadpans, “do you want to leave or not?”
oscar daps up his teammate in farewell, and makes his way over to you as quickly as he can without seeming desperate, your glass of water left behind on the counter. your back is facing him as he approaches and you're still unwillingly participating in conversation with the man who can’t take no for an answer. as he gets closer, he can piece together the conversation; the dude doesn’t believe you have a boyfriend and you must be lying to him, and you’re adamant that your boyfriend is very real.
“look, bro. even if i was lying about having a boyfriend, why would i give you my number now? like, i’m just supposed to forget how you’ve been harassing me—“
oscar rests his hand on your side, and when you turn your head to see who’s touching you, he leans down and kisses you. it’s a kiss deep enough to let everyone know who you’re leaving with tonight, but not deep enough to be salacious (he can hear lando’s cackle from the other side of the room).
you melt into his kiss before he pulls away, leaving you dazed and disoriented, stumbling into him. oscar drapes his left arm around your shoulder, guiding you to tuck into his side, while he offers his right hand to the offending man for a handshake. “it seems i haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you yet. i’m oscar, i drive for mclaren,” he introduces himself, sounding overly pleased.
the man angers, ignoring oscar’s extended hand and cockily states, “you should already know who i am. my family nicely lent you the mclaren you drove here tonight!”
“ah,” oscar smiles viciously, “if ‘your family’ kindly lent me the car, that would explain why i only remember your father’s name–and not his arrogant, disrespectful, and narcissistic trust-fund son’s name.”
the man stomps his foot in rage, like a spoiled brat, and questions, “who do you think you’re talking too?!”
oscar smirks, “nobody important, apparently,” (one of the ladies listening whispers a quiet ‘damn, that’s crazy’), oscar continues, “don’t worry, mate–i’ll make sure your father’s car returns home to him safely. should i bill you for any cleaning, in case i make a mess of it?”
the guy stumbles over a response before he scoffs and stomps away. oscar shrugs uncaring, before addressing the group of ladies who were cliqued to the side watching the whole interaction, “well. if you all don’t mind, i’m just going to steal her away from you ladies, if that’s okay?” (like there’s an option). the ladies fawn over oscar’s protectiveness before they let the two of you go, and then he starts herding you towards the exit.
it’s torture. in every five steps the two of you take, you're interrupted by various guests trying to catch you one last time. oscar feels like they’re all intentionally aggravating him; patting you on the arm, commenting on how eye-catching you look, and using the fact that the two of you are leaving to press a kiss to your hand in goodbye. you two burst out of the main doors and sigh in relief, for different reasons–for you, it’s because oscar didn’t give one of his sponsors brain damage, and for oscar, it’s because he’s one step closer to getting you in his bed.
you grasp at oscar’s hand, and he starts to lead you down the steps towards the valet, and as you fall into step at his side, you speak softly under your breath, “i can understand why you kissed me like that inside because the dude was being an asshole–even though you were marking your territory like some kind of dog–but, please; don’t tear this poor man’s throat out for helping me into the car.”
the australian remains quiet, properly chastised and works on releasing the pent up effect of the annoyances from inside the venue. everything is going well; the valet asks oscar for his parking ticket, and he goes to grab the keys, but stops just before he makes to start heading to the car, and turns back to you two and says, “i don’t know if i told you when you walked in but–you look incredibly beautiful tonight, miss. you could be a model, seriously. like, you should feel so lucky to have a woman like her–”
all attempts of oscar finding his peace are thrown out of the window. he interrupts the dude’s rambling, and bites out, “hey man, y’know what. i can just take the keys to the car. we can walk to it.”
the valet stutters, confused, “a-are you sure, i mean it’s like pretty far in the back. i can run and get it no pro–”
“it’s FINE! i mean, it’s cool, we can use the extra steps, y’know. enjoy the breeze and everything,” oscar says, slightly maniacal. there’s no breeze, it’s warm. the valet’s and your eyes meet for a second and a shared thought of “he’s trippin” is passed telepathically.
the valet concedes, not wanting to upset the f1 driver any farther and tosses him the keys. as the two of you are passing by, oscar hands the man a bill that’s probably too big based on the man’s astonished gasp. you call out to the man, continuing to walk further in the lot, “sorry about him! he just gets a little touchy about strangers driving his car, y’know?” oscar grumbles lowly next to you, and you smack him on the arm, “what did you want me to say? ‘oh sorry, my boyfriend just wants to fuck me really badly to soothe his needless jealousy?’”
“as long as he knows who’s the one who gets to take you home and fuck you.”
“oscar!” you squeak, “we both know we’d die of embarrassment if you said that. i can’t even imagine those words coming out of your mouth, in that order.”
you guys eventually puzzle out where the car is after several remote beeps of the car’s horn, and find that it’s literally tucked away in the last row, far corner with no surrounding cars for two rows.
oscar doesn’t open your door like he usually does, and leads you around to the driver's side. he opens the door, pushes the seat back as far as it goes, and sits down. without saying anything, he loosens his tie and goes to unbuckle his belt before you reach down and grab at his hand, bewildered, “oscar jack! what the fuck are you doing?”
he blinks, “i’m fucking you, right now. it’s too long of a drive back—i’m going to crash the car if you keep sitting next to me in that goddamn outfit. i was going to take you to the bathroom inside, but i figured you’d at least prefer the car. you can be a little louder here.”
your mouth dries, “you said they loaned you an incredibly rare, vintage mclaren, babe. i’m not gonna-“
oscar wrestles his way out of his suit jacket, spreads it underneath him on the leather seat, and pats his lap. “problem solved.”
shifting your weight, you glance around nervously. oscar is right, you would prefer the car over the bathroom. all those people inside who could overhear, gossip, and spread the news of how rookie mclaren, f1 driver, oscar piastri, had you yelling his name in the middle of an event. you’d pass.
“oh, c’mon now, babe. you didn’t think i saw the way you were eating me alive with your eyes inside,” your boyfriend teases, “i know you‘ve at least gotten a little wet for me already, haven’t you?”
that’s all it takes; the australian acting possessive and feening to get inside you is more than enough to have you straddling his lap and pulling the car door shut with a slam.
oscar tugs you into dirty make out, and you get lost in his pink lips, tugging teeth, and explorative tongue. the last of your breath tapers out in a reedy moan, and you break the kiss to pant against his lips, and oscar laughs. his laughter spreads through your chest, and it has your hips rolling against the bulge you feel underneath you. his amusement is cut off, and his hands fly to grip at your hips. he starts tugging you against him in a filthy grind, and choked off moans from the two of you start to fill the car.
you press kisses to oscar’s jaw line, paving a path down to his wide strong neck with your tongue. you suck on small patches of skin, not using enough suction to leave a mark, but enough for oscar to become aware of the fantasization that you could. the aussie gasps at every random suckle of your lips as he scrambles to pull the skirt up your legs. you shift your hips up to make it easier for him, as your hands feel down his torso to his belt. it unbuckles fairly easily, and you shove it out of the way, to unzip the slacks and pull his cock out.
oscar moans, throwing his head back at the feel of your hand on his length, and you get entranced in the trap that his pale thick neck is, again. you hum against his neck, introducing teeth alongside the ache of the suction of your mouth, and bully the collar of his shirt out of the way to find a space to leave a few marks. oscar’s breath freezes at the first hickey he feels you leave, but the rapid inhale he takes next clears his mind enough to have his right hand pull your panties to the side, and move to caress your heat.
you shudder on top of him, your breathy sigh amplified within the car. oscar sinks two fingers inside of you, and a much louder moan is tugged out. your hands fly up to grasp onto his shoulder, and your head tilts backward away from his neck in pleasure. his fingers thrust into you gently for a few beats slowly working to open you up for him and once he feels your cunt starting to relax, his thumb reaches to press at your clit. whines fill the air, as you lean all the way back, resting your back on the steering wheel allowing oscar all the space he needs to stretch you out. his fingers start curling as they drag out of you, and you can feel the pads of his fingers rubbing over a soft spot on the front of your walls. 
oscar’s eyes were stuck marveling over the overwhelmed expression on your face, but once he starts feeling wetness dripping down his arm he glances down, and curses out a rough, “fuck, baby—you’re dripping all over me.” your cheeks burn hot, and you can’t tell if that’s out of humiliation or the effect of his awe-filled voice. your right hand releases his shoulder, and bats at his arm, before tugging at his wrist to pull his fingers out, “that’s enough, mmm, just get in me already.”
oscar eagerly draws away; he uses his clean hand to tug his wallet out of his back pocket, and tugs a condom out with a smidge of struggle before handing it to you. you snatch it out of his hand, biting it open and rolling it over his cock, and once it’s on, you tease, “jeez, osc. you really were planning on jumping me in the middle of the event tonight—grabbing a condom and everything; you think i’m that easy?”
he chuckles, satisfied, his hand drenched in your wetness rubbing over his cock to get him slick, and teases back, “you’re about to ride my cock in the parking lot of said event, pretending to be worried about ruining the seats of this vintage car. i’m not calling you easy, but it doesn’t hurt to be prepared, does it?”
your cheeks are definitely burning from humiliation this time around, but you huff, ignoring him checking you. you tug his hand away, raising your hips, and guide him to your entrance with your own hand, before slowly sinking down. 
twin sets of moans fill the air as he bottoms out; one of his hands reaches to palm at your ass (it’s sticky, so it must be the one he fingered you with), and the other grips at your waist tightly. you squirm on top of him, knees barely managing to find enough room to prop on the seat to give you a stable base. once you feel stable in your cramped position, you give a testing grind of your hips, and from there, it’s lights out.
oscar lets you set the pace for a few thrusts, suffering in the languid rock of your hips; you’re torturously tight around him, and he can only groan at the feeling of you wrapped around him. his chest heaves, before he brings both hands to halt your hips, and starts fucking up into you rough and quick. a scream jostles out of your throat at the unexpected change of speed, but you just take it with no complaints, allowing yourself to go limp against the wheel of the car to hold your body upright. he moves your body for you, pulling you downwards to meet his upward thrusts; and you feel him constantly applying pressure against that one tender spot right under your navel.
your boyfriend revels in the sound of the moans he’s punching out of your throat, admiring the way your head is thrown back—mouth open wide, eyes scrunched tight, lips bruised and bitten to hell. it’s a lewd picture, painted by himself. the car rocks along to his frantic rhythm, windows fogging, and sweat begins to form on both of your skin. the aussie’s core tightens; he won’t last much longer, you’ve had him half-hard the whole night.
a frustrated grunt escapes oscar, and you hum questionably about to ask what’s wrong–but his right hand leaves your waist to furiously start circling your clit, and an ear piercing shriek leaves you. “c’mon now, babe. ah-be good and come f’me yeah? im so close, baby–please,” he babbles, the last shred of sanity leaving him. his hips don’t falter once–to you it feels like they’re moving quicker, every sensitive spot receiving attention from the sharp snaps of them.
you cry out, it’s all too much; your hand reaches down to press against his navel in a feeble attempt to stop him from stroking so deep and roughly, and incoherent pleads try and tumble out of your mouth, “mm! osc–no! ah–too much, baby! it’s too much–hngh–feels weird–s-slow down!” it’s like his ears are filled with cotton; he can hear you begging down at him but can’t make out what your saying over the blood rushing in his ears. he’s trapped staring at your pretty cunt, watching the obscene amount of wetness coming out of you–the suit jacket underneath him is completely ruined, and he off-handedly thinks it won’t be saving the leather upholstery.
your legs start quivering and trembling–it damn near looks like you're freezing to death, even though the car has become as humid as a sauna. your own orgasm shocks you, and your eyes roll back erotically–unable to give oscar any warning. and in your last moment of awareness, you realize that something feels different, but it’s too late.
you choke on your scream of, “oscar, fuck!” as fluid gushes out of your cunt, and the first wave is enough to completely drench oscar’s pants, and oscar finally returns to the moment in amazement. he eagerly brushes his hand against your clit, and shortens his strokes to quick little jabs to force more of your juices out, and you can only ride along. you try to slam your legs shut, to jostle oscar’s hand away, but it’s futile with his torso propping you open for him. you’re sobbing messily, as he forces more liquid to spray from your cunt–and he moans out his own orgasm, ripped from him in surprise. the australian halts his stimulation this time around when you frantically tug his wrist away when the pleasure melds to pain, and allows himself to get a few more jerks of his hips in.
you fall forward, collapsing into his chest–the squelch of your thighs meeting his pant-covered ones has him humming and grinding his hips into you as gently as he can. the two of you shake against each other, hearts rabbiting as you catch your breath. oscar’s hands rise to rub at your back, bringing you down from the aftershocks still trembling over your body. 
“i-i’ve never squirted before,” you whisper into his neck.
your boyfriend hums softly, “did you like it?”
he feels you nod against him shyly.
“then, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he comforts, knowing if he seems approving of it, you’ll be quicker to accept it as something good, “how i’m going to explain the ruined suit and car seat to mclaren on the other hand…”
a shaky laugh from you causes oscar to smile, “i told you you shouldn’t fuck me in the car.”
“how was i supposed to know that tonight would be the night i’d made you gush all over me?! i was hoping that when the time came we’d at least be on a couch,” he whines.
“shut the fuck up,” you joke, “i want a live play by play when you explain the cleaning bill to zac.”
the aussie pauses, faking thoughtfulness, “maybe i should send the bill to the trust-fund baby. zac would back me up–he’s american, he’d probably find it hilarious.”
oscar gently shifts you over to the passenger seat, and you tug your skirt all the way down, and he fights his way out of his slacks that stuck to his thighs with your wetness. he manages to wrangle them off and kicks them to the side of the car floor along with the soiled suit jacket, after fishing the keys out of them, sitting out in his boxers, and glances over to see you adjusting your appearance as best as you possibly can.
“you want a mcflurry?” the aussie offers.
“as long as we can get a fry with it,” you smile at the random shift in conversation, allowing him to hide his embarrassment.
oscar turns the keys in the ignition, and the engine rolls into life with a deep, vibrating hum. he catches your legs pressing together tightly, and you squirm at the purr of the engine under your seat.
“well,” oscar starts nonchalantly as he reverses out of the spot, “you have the time that it takes to get from the drive-through to the flat to finish eating–because as soon as we get home, i’m taking you to bed and learning how to make you squirt, consistently. i don’t care how long it takes, or how many orgasms you have–i’ll keep going ‘til you come dry, babe.”
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© httpsserene 2023
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onlyangel4 · 3 months ago
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pls pls pls 💗💗
write a smau with a very unhinged down bad carlos sainz girlfriend. who sexualises everything about carlos but she's got a serious job like a vogue editor or smth, so she writes about him and people can actually SEE how down bad for him. "are u objectifying me mi amor" " i always objectify u boyfriend" like I need unhinged carlos x girlfriend who need to jump each others bones everyday plsss 🌶️🤪😩🤲🏻🤲🏻
unhinged. cs55. smau.
carlos sainz x girlfriend!reader
in which carlos' girlfriend can not keep her horny thoughts to herself, even in a professional environment
faceclaim: simone ashley
f1wags
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f1wags: vogue editor and carlos sainz' girlfriend y/n y/ln has arrived to the australian grand prix. "after a week off looking after carlos i managed to convince my boss to let me have this weekend off so i could support him post surgery. but i will be writing about this", y/n spoke in an interview
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user1: omg y/n covering the grand prix this bitch is gonna be so horny
user2: she looks so fucking good
user3: i bet carlos' jaw dropped when he saw her this morning
y/ninsta posted a story tagging lizakoshy and terrycrews
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written: carlos was busy resting for today last night. so i had a wild night quoting white chicks with two of my favourite people.
carlossainz posted a story
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written: my good luck charm is here
y/ninsta posted a story
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written: he sure is getting head tonight
carlossainz posted a story
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written: i have never been happier
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vogue
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liked by y/ninsta, carlossainz, scuderiaferrari and 2,391,119 others
vogue: we may live to regret this but this months issue includes a very special segment written by our very own editor y/n y/ln. the article covers what it is like to be a wag in a world full of online criticism, how to deal with being long distance from her boyfriend at times and most importantly that very special win in australia.
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y/ninsta: be warned this article is not for persons under the age of eighteen
carlossainz: next time can i write a horny article about mi amor
scuderiaferrari: y'all are brave our pr team will not let her say a word in interviews
user4: i can't fucking wait to read this
y/ninsta posted a story
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written: me and daisy just wanted to let you know that my vogue article is out now!
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carlossainz
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tagged: y/ninsta
carlossainz: since the love of my life decided to write an article all about how hot i am i wanted to remind you that she is 100x hotter. love you carino
view all 51,218 comments
y/ninsta: this post just got you some brownie points
carlossainz: just wanted to show the world my pretty girl
user5: they are so in love it makes me sick
user6: the hottest couple on the grid
user7: both of them using their massive platforms to be horny for each other is such a slay
∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘
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tinydefector · 2 months ago
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I do not know if you have ever thought about it, but listen! Last night I came up with a funny idea where Nadia and her friend decided to have fun and did a survey among bots. who do they think they would fuck that night and obviously almost all the bots have chosen our favorite ambassador. I would be interested to see the ambassador's reaction to this prank from Nadia😁良い一日を。💕
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Pay back-Human affects
Word count: 2.2k
Warnings: pin-up photoshoot, mentioned nudity, thirsting, unhinged behaviour.
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Is it nearly 1am, yes, but I wanted to finish this piece because it was written with the last part, but I wanted it to split it for these requests.
Ask and request are open
________
The Ambassador sat with the three surfing what was essentially the cybertronian version of Twitter, Tumblr and Reddit all in one, laughing and reading the post.
"Ooo, this one's juicy!" Nadia crowed, shoving her datapad in the Ambassador's face, making them read through yet another raunchy post.
DockDawg66: "Primus, you guys, have you SEEN our Ambass? The way their hips sway when they walk...I just wanna toss 'em in my cab and take 'em for a spin, if you catch my drift! That soft little organic is begging for a spike the size of their torso. Bet I could make 'em sing."
The whole crew roared with laughter as the Ambassador snatched the pad, face heated in embarrassment, they were aware that some of the bots on ship had a thing for them but this, this was not what they had expected they literally had a full forum dedicated to them.
"Have you no shame, you pervs?" They huff out while pressing a hand to their forehead. Millian scanned down their notes with a smirk. " it seems you've got a bit of a fanclub, chief. Check out 'Ambass_Admirer' tag
'I just wanna rub my plating all over that smooth flesh...make 'em squeal.' They go on like that for paragraphs, it's a riot."
The Ambassador rolled their eyes good-naturedly as their motley human crew dissolved once more into giggles at the bots' oh-so-secret desires. Their jaw nearly drops as the crew scrolls through even more posts. "Fucking hell! How many of these are there!?!?"
"Seriously, it's like every other bot's got the hots for you!" Millian snorted, scrolling furiously. Nadia nudged them with a wicked smirk. "We should totally roast these pervs. Post looking for 'hot single bots' - bet their inboxes would explode!"
Millian cackled, adding fuel. "Ooh, or you could play hard to get! anyone feel like earning a private photoshoot?' Their circuits would short for sure!"
Ambassador's could feel the colour nearly draining from them with the continued bullying and jokes from the three. As for feeding such flames... Well, a little harmless teasing did feel justified, if they wanted to be fiends what was stopping the Liaison from being one back.
"Alright you hooligans, enough scheming for one night." They chuckled. That's when Taylor speaks up. " you know we could do a bit of a spicy photoshoot, kinda like only Fans make some money of horny bots," she hums while leaning over the Ambassador's shoulder. "Taylor!" The Ambassador sputtered with embarrassment and shock.
"Now there's an idea..." Millian mused, eyeing their boss. Money could go far in this ragtag outpost, and fleecing horny mechs of their shanix just felt poetic.
"Alright you lunatics, I will play along. But first-" They turned to Taylor with a stern look. "Ground rules. Nothing goes public without my say-so, got it? I don't need an invasion of metal pervs in my room!"
They three nearly squeal in delight over the go ahead. "So how far are we going to go with this boss, just some light stuff like you laying on a bed or what?" Millian asked. The three are already scheming ways to do decent photos.
"Oh, oh I have a camera somewhere"
"So... I may have been able to talk One First aid into giving me Ratchet's old servos from before we ended up on ship. Don't ask how" one of the others stated.
The Ambassador rubbed their temples, already regretting this scheme but far too amused to back out now.
"Alright, you loons - nothing explicit, got it? I'm not getting Naked for anyone, Classy pin-up style shots fine, some saucy photos sure but that only." They start laying out ground rules for the three,despite being their boss, they were also friends and they did want to enjoy some letting loose. "And I suppose props could...add a dash of naughty flair, but if we are doing this you guys act professional, don't make weird comments."
As the crew dove into planning, they shook their heads fondly. "We'll start simple - you lounging in 'sexy' clothes, maybe leaning on those servos. Gauge how you feel, then amp it up gradually if you feel comfortable."
"And I get 30% of all earnings!" The Liaison called after them as they scramble to grab what they can for the shoot.
Both Millian and Taylor carted in the servos on a trolley, the ambassador was almost impressed but decided to keep their questions to themself, not really wanting to know how they got ahold of severed cybertronian hands. The three are trying to figure out where to start and what the ambassador should wear.
"I swear if Kyle, David or Daniel find out about this I'm putting all three of you on cleaning duty for forever." The Ambassador threatens them, hands on hips, eyeing the bustling preparations with mingled amusement and trepidation. What had they unleashed upon this ship?
"Boss, take a look, scored this silky robe that's sure to drive 'em wild!" Nadia called, holding up the item in question with a smirk.
Millian hauled over a plush bed adorned with soft blankets and pillows from over in the corner Of their room. "Lay back here while Taylor and I do a test shoot, just want to try and set up lightly."
They move to lay on the bed, trying to get comfortable and move things until they feel right. Millian snaps a few pics before the Liaison stands back up looking at the box of clothing.
Nadia and Taylor begin moving the Servos trying to get them set up as close to the bed as possible. “I'm so glad these are holo on the inside, they are Heavy enough” Taylor huffs out and the move and curl the digits.
The Ambassador looks at the different clothing and fabrics with a raised eyebrow. "Do I want to know where you guys got all of this?" They ask. The three just give mischievous looks.
They let out a sigh. "We will start off with something like this, then you lot can play dress ups with me, Christ never knew you three were this much of a nightmare"
"Alright you troublemakers, out with you while I change," they chide their over-eager crew, shooing them from the room with a laugh. Once alone, they unfurl the silky robe reverently, resting it on the bed before peeling off their uniform. Neatly piling it together. They rummage through the other clothing grabbing out a rather nice looking set of underwear before dragging luxurious sheen robe over their shoulders.
They move over to Millian's set before calling out to them. "I'm changed, you can come back in" they call out. Millian's head popped in, eyes widening at the vision before them. "Boss, you clean up nice!" They let out a low whistle.
The liaison's eyes trace over the large Servos on the ground with a pile of pillows and blankets set between them. "So how are we doing this?" They ask. Nadia and Taylor piled in behind, stopping in their tracks at the enticing sight. The Ambassador lounged lazily amid plush bedding, silhouetted seductively against the soft lights. Those mighty metal servos loomed ominously close.
Taylor shook off her daze first. "Lay back and get comfy. We'll start with some innocent stuff - just look smouldering while you toy with the fabric." With that the three moved around getting lights set so they had the height for the photos. “I'm starting to get suspicious on why you guys have all of this equipment in here Millian.” They call out only for them to wave the accusation off. “Eh I do photos for Nadia on occasions”
"Alright, lay back against those pillows- yeah, just like that. Now arch your back a little and tilt your chin up," Nadia instructed eagerly, moving a few pillows into a good position, Ambassador's gaze up with eyes half lidded. “I feel so stupid doing this!” They call out which makes the others laugh. “Ahh don't worry, last time Nadia did a shoot she nearly lost the bikini top she was wearing because it got caught. Spend ten minutes trying to not have to cut it off” Taylor informed.
“Yea I didn't want to wreck one of my favourites!”
Millian gave a low whistle. "You're doing great, I promise the more you laugh the less awkward it is. Now trail one hand slowly down your chest while the other grips the robe's lapel." Taylor surveyed their work, making subtle adjustments here and there.
"You two- move that big metal hand like it's gently cupping their waist." The crew buzzed around their model putting touches in place. Each minute adjustment drew out as they chatted away about random stuff while doing the photos, it helped them not feel so awkward about doing the photos.
"Alright, I think we've got our money shot," Millian declared at last, snapping one final smouldering image. The shutter clicked rapidly as they tested angles, coaxing out new provocative poses little by little. They stand back up, wrapping the robe around themself as they walk over to Millian. " Can I see the photos? They were rather excited, this wasn't something they normally did, but the three were actually rather professional with it.
The group looked at the photos as Millian slowly flicked through the collection showing off the collection along with some of the more silly ones they took to help ease the tension. The silky robe clung to curves in all the right places, every inch of exposed flesh looked as if it glowed. Bedroom eyes beckoned from heavy lids, lips parted as if panting from passion's heights recently scaled. One hand grasped the large metal hand.
"Holy shit, you really got me good!" They breathed, awed by photos that the three had helped craft. Nadia gave a devilish grin. "Just wait till the boys get an eyeful. They won't know whether to rub one out or combust on the spot!"
Laughter spilled forth from them as Millian begins transferring them over to their data pad. “this was fun, I can see why you enjoy doing it Nadia, I haven't felt this..”
“Beautiful?”
“handsome?”
"Desirable?”
The three state one after another which gets a head shake from the Liaison. “Yes, “ They admit.
"Also how exactly are we going to be posting these photos?" Inquiry, the were feeling rather daring now and wanted to have input on the posting.
They ushered the others close, datapad in hand. "Here's what we'll do- I've got an anonymous account on one of those seedy Commlink forums the bots love. You know, the one where they all drool over flesh?"
Nadia snorted. "Oh yeah, the 'Human Fucker' board. Classy place."
Millian ignored her, pulling up the photos. "I'll post just one crop out whatever you want for your comfort - the money shot where your hand is gripping that servo. Caption will be 'Look who I've got...' nothing else."
“don't crop it post the full thing, I like it and well they want to play with fire this is what happens” the Ambassador hums which makes Taylor cackled, rubbing her hands together. "Mark my words, those mechs will be tripping over themselves trying to claim the 'lucky bot' title," Millian promised gleefully.
Commlink forum: human fucker.
Ambass_Admirer pin.
Tin_Bin25: 'Look who I've got.'
a photo of a bots servos cupped partly around a human in a Satin robe looking rather Ravished, smiling up while their robe is hanging off their shoulder showing off a rather scandalous amount of skin.
Overcharger69: Holy frag is that the Ambass? Lucky slagger, frag what a fine piece!!!
T-Wrexz: No way!. Someone Fragging did it. They got with a Fleshie!
Rev-Rid3: some lucky mech sampled fleshy friction and got the dream...
Flyboi69: : FRAG THIS WHO CARES WHO FRAGGED THEM I JUST WANNA KNOW IF THEY'RE AS SOFT AS THEY LOOK!!!!
ScienceSorcerer: My oh my, what scandalous treasures, do share more with the class! For historical and scientific purposes, of course.
Oiler69: No way, you can't just Post that! Do you have more, Post em up already, need more Proof!
_Heavyhaul: Hey, hey, keep it in your panel's mechs. That photo wasn't released with their consent, it's not cool.
Tin_Bin25: Here is another.
It's a new photo showing the Ambassador lying back against pillows in a low cut silk robe, one hand trailing lazily across their collar while the other grips a metal servo their face pressed against one of the digits as they kiss it, gazing at the camera with hooded eyes
How's that for proof, sceptic? I've got permission for their personal photoshoot, even let me post without hiding their face. Bet your spikes would glitch seeing them like this in person.
Scope_ridge: *venting noises* Frag me sideways, they look good enough to eat! This is officially the best solar cycle ever.
Bar-rizzla: Why, they positively glow with sensuality! One can only imagine the debauchery that inspired such provocative portraits.
StarFielder: Seriously, does anyone have any idea who the lucky mech was? Gotta be someone important...
WPHAS-violation: my Shanix is on it being an officer right? Bet it was Magnus!, rather tasteful compared to the stuff I make.
Con_Spiracy: got me wonderin' - think any other bots have been sampling alien delights?
SunRunner: Whoa, hold up- you've got a whole collection? Heater's firing up over here! *fans self jokingly*
Pimptheride: Hey mech, wanna pass those images over? How much you asking for?
Bar-rizzla: I've got enough engex to trade for a peek! C'mon Tin, help a bot out with his late night activities...
_________
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whatudowhennooneseesyou · 4 months ago
Note
In your opinion, who gives the best oral in STRAYS KIDS?
D e t a i l s
My gemini stellium wants it
Okay- okay because you've asked nicely and asked for details.
Sag/Gemini/Virgo/Taurus/Aries are usually known for being the best placements for oral because they have influence over the mouth and tongue.
Disclaimer: 18+ and I'm using astrology so this is for funsies.
So of course- chan chan and uh chan.
Yep- the smut is all accurate- when he confessed he loved feeling needed- he genuinely loves feeling fkn NEEDED.
With his Libra placements and Sag Mars= MESSY!
The type to REALLY get into and make the loudest moans and spit on your cunt and enjoy watching his saliva and your slick just stain his fingers and the sheets below you.
There would be moments where he'd want to skip the foreplay completely and be desperate to bury his cock into you.
But you fkn bet he would beg and edge you with oral if he wants to tease, to lick around your clit instead of sucking on it or to finger you instead of sucking your clit at all...enough to push to the edge but not enough to go over.
And he's VOCAL!!! Duh, we've heard the way he moans with his Bubble messages.
'Mmmm, there's my good pussy just gushing for me already, your moaning is not going to help babygirl. If you want to cum, you have to say please'.
The begging kink is so obvious with this man, he's not even trying to hide it.
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The next one to be great at oral is...LEE KNOW!!!
When I tell you ppl with a Virgo Mars is slept on...people with a Virgo Mars are fucking SLEPT ON when it comes to sex because they are one of the most service-oriented ppl when it comes to sex.
Lee Know would be more calculating and more sensitive to your emotions in a way, he would be slower and more precise with his actions.
Would be the type to know your body inside out and know which spot to prod, how to suck your clit JUST right and pop a pillow under your hips so it's at a right angle for the ultimate pleasure.
Lee Know is a soft dom through and through and would worship you with the prettiest of praises and soft moans.
'no no no no, I just want you to lie here while I make you feel good okay honey? Because you deserve it and I want to give it to you'
Okay, I honestly think even if they're absolute pro's at oral, they're all going to give their best to ensure you completely fall apart from their fingers.
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But I'm also going to add Hyunjin and Jeongin to this because!!!
They both have Aries placements (Hyunjin has an Aries Mars and Jeongin has an Aries Venus) and this fiesty, masculine, feral unhinged energy to their personality means they're probably the type to be rough, quick, primal and messy.
No build-up, just straight up diving in and spitting and drooling over your clit as they leave bite marks over your thighs and um...they may enjoy an extra layer of filth and incorporate cum play into as well.
Jerk themselves and use their cum as lube, overstimulate you and use the cum dripping out your bruised and raw cunt to suck your swelling clit more.
I've noticed out of most zodiac signs, Aries in these placements are the type to most enjoy using cum over lube- there's that slight sadistic streak of the friction from the lack of lube helping you further cry and writhe under them.
'Such a dirty, filthy messy slut for me, look at you leaking everywhere, keep crying for me my love and I'll use those tears to stretch you out even more'.
Always was, always will be on the field of Hyunjin and Jeongin being the hard, sadistic doms of Stray Kids.
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Tagging all my skz babes for this post @torialefay @youre-alittle-taste-of-hell @gnabnahcsworld @lyramundana @leenaur @wisejudgedragonhairdo @berryberrytan @daddysspecialdollyworld @bangchanbabygirlx @scuzmunkie @umbralhelwolf @escapetheshark
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bradshawssugarbaby · 8 months ago
Text
Meet The Teacher - Bradley Bradshaw x Reader
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summary: Bradley Bradshaw's re-entering civilian life with a new mission - teaching second grade.
a/n: thank you to @nerdgirljen for suggesting the idea with her breakdown of Bradley's military file, and thank you to @floydsmuse, @mamachasesmayhem, and @purelyfiction for reading this over for me last night 😅
pairing: teacher!Bradley Bradshaw x single mom!reader (last name is given to reader) warnings/content: mentions of trauma/injury, mentions of death/parent loss, Bradley pining for a student's mom, allusions to smut (masturbating (m)).
word count: 2.9k
taglist: @avengersfan25 @nouis-bum @sorchathered @hangmansgbaby @sarahsmi13s @jessicab1991 @atarmychick007 @b-bradshaw @djs8891 @primroseluna @silversprings-mp3 @drxgxnslxyer @gardenavenue @seitmai @unhinged-bitch @mattyskies
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“You’ve got this, Bradshaw. You’ve got this. It’s just two dozen second graders. You’ve flown fighter jets and stared enemy aircraft in the eye, shot them down midair, you can handle a classroom of second graders.” 
Bradley repeated his mantra over and over in the rearview mirror of his car, taking a deep breath as he nodded his head. He adjusted the collar on his baby blue and white striped dress shirt, fingers tracing over the silver chain of his dog tags. His breath hitched in his throat as he ran his fingertip over the beaded chain, letting it out in a strained sigh. He was venturing into uncharted waters here, and he was beginning to wonder if he was in over his head. 
Six months ago, he was flying planes, one of the US Navy’s finest aviators. He’d never cared much about what he could have been doing if he hadn’t become a pilot - he’d known as long as he could remember that he wanted to fly. Since his accident though, he began to process all the things he’d let himself miss out on over the past 18 years. At 40 years old, he knew he was pushing his body to its limits, but he didn’t think he’d reached that threshold yet. 
He was wrong. 
It’d been a routine flight exercise, the kind he’d done about 40,000 times before in his career. His plane’s engine cut out, a mechanical failure beyond anyone’s control that couldn’t have been predicted. He kept his composure, pulled the ejection handle and parachuted his way to the ground below. In an ideal situation, he would have landed perfectly, safe and sound and taken to the hospital for observation but released the next day. 
Instead, he’d blown his knee out on his landing, making walking next to impossible, let alone flying. 
Presented with his options, returning to flying seemed unlikely. His knee would only likely get worse, and he realized, he sort of liked the idea of settling down someday — he knew forty was a little late in life to realize it, but damn it, he did want a family. He didn’t want to be that dad who couldn’t keep up with his kid. He wanted to be an active, fun parent like he’d remembered his mom being in her lifetime. He wanted to be able to dance with his new bride at his wedding, if it ever happened, and he couldn’t do any of that if his knee was fucked beyond repair. 
Dreams of coaching Little League and dancing around kitchens in the soft, yellow glow of overhead lights had suddenly flashed before him in his hospital room, and when the proposition of an honourable discharge came up, an offer absolving him of any guilt for abandoning his post in the pursuit of a civilian little fairytale life, he seized it. He loved flying, but he knew he couldn’t do it forever, despite his best efforts. He needed something to fall back on. And if these hopes and dreams suddenly crossing his mind — having a wife and a family, being a doting dad — were to come true, he needed to start somewhere.
Bradley always swore he’d never leave a wife and family behind. He’d seen what happened when a service member didn’t come home first hand - his dad was killed in a training incident when he was just over two years old, and he’d seen how his whole world turned on its side when it happened. Even as a toddler, he remembered a lot of crying from his mother, and suddenly noticing a huge absence in his life that couldn’t be explained. 
He didn’t understand what happened until he turned five, when he finally worked up the courage to ask his mom where his dad was. Why he left. Why he didn’t want to be home with Bradley. The moment he was old enough to decide his career path, he knew he wouldn’t be able to put a wife and children through the things he and his mom had been through. He was better off alone if he was serving. And it suited him just fine for the most part. The odd pang of jealousy when a colleague got married, the occasional feeling that he was missing out on something each time someone he knew announced the arrival of a new baby — they were easy enough to ignore when he focused his attention on his work.
Now, sitting in his parked car, an hour before the start of the school year, he was talking himself through how to survive his first day in his chosen back-up profession — teaching. 
He’d minored in education studies at university when he went. He’d promised his mother when he was applying to colleges that he’d pick a good back-up option to flying, just in case he didn’t get into the academy, and everyone knew he was great with kids. He’d often babysat for his mom’s friends, volunteered to coach softball teams and run summer camps at the community centre throughout high school. Teaching seemed like a no-brainer.
He let out a heavy sigh as he strolled into the school, his head held high, lesson plans tucked neatly in a file folder under his arm, his coffee cup in the other hand. He was ready to face the day, and whatever these seven-year-olds had to throw at him.
The day went on without a hitch, much to Bradley’s relief. Twenty-three little darlings sat in their desks, on their best behaviour for their first day of class. He knew it was unlikely that they’d continue to be so well-behaved, but he savoured it while it lasted. His co-workers seemed laidback and relaxed, friendly smiles and waves exchanged frequently in passing, words of advice and encouragement spoken at length over lunch and prep times. 
Three o’clock came faster than anticipated, and Bradley felt like he’d barely covered any of his plans for the day. At dismissal, he’d politely waved goodbye to each and every child, introducing himself to the parents he’d missed that morning at drop off, and greeting the ones he’d already met with brief updates about their child’s day. The last child to be picked up was a sweet little boy, with blonde hair and hazel eyes, freckles dotted across the bridge of his nose. Bradley’s brown eyes scanned over the attendance record in his hand. Wells Montgomery. 
At 3:10, Wells had grown bored of kicking his soccer ball around the grassy area around the side of the school. He picked his ball up under his arm and hurried back to Bradley. 
“Mr. Bradshaw, is my mom here yet?” 
“Not yet, bud. She’s probably stuck in traffic coming over the bridge into town. You know, it gets really busy around now. Do you want to come inside and read for a little bit in the classroom?” Bradley squinted, the sun shining brightly into his eyes as he scanned the parking lot for anyone who might be Wells’ mother. 
“Ok,” Wells said with a heavy sigh. Bradley furrowed his brow for a moment before looking back to Wells as the two of them headed back into the building. 
By 3:20, Bradley was beginning to worry about his new pupil. He didn’t anticipate a parent going missing-in-action on him on his first day of teaching, but faced with the possibility, he began going through the list of possible actions he could take. Just as he pondered over the idea of taking Wells down to the staff room to rummage the cupboards for a still-at-school-after-school snack, you came practically flying through the door, a panicked expression on your face, cheeks reddening when you saw Wells sitting at his desk, quietly reading. 
“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I got held up in a meeting until 2:45, and then traffic was a nightmare, everything was backed up and there’s only two ways onto the island but I couldn’t ditch my car to take the ferry over, I’m so sorry,” you apologized profusely, nodding your head as you looked from Wells, to the teacher seated in the desk and back again, unsure who you needed to apologize to more.
Bradley turned to face you, his eyes raking over you as he assessed the situation. Dressed in a fitted lilac coloured pencil skirt, white tank-top and matching lilac coloured blazer, you looked like something out of a dream to him. He’d never given much thought about what his type in women was before. He’d dated blondes, brunettes, redheads, the occasional girl with bright pink hair, curvy girls, petite girls, mid-sized girls - he never had much of a preference one way or the other as far as appearances went, but God, if he had to sum up his dream girl right now - you were it. 
“It’s alright, honestly,” Bradley nodded his head, smiling warmly at you in an effort to ease your concerns. “I’m Mr. Bradshaw, Wells’ teacher for second grade. He’s had a great day today, we were just about to head down to the staff room and see if there were any rogue granola bars hiding in the cupboard for him and I to share.”
“Thank you,” you nodded, your expression softening as Bradley spoke, an instant wave of relief washing over you. “You ready to go, Wellsy?” 
“Mom, please,” Wells whined, shaking his head as he grabbed his book and shoved it into his backpack. “She thinks I’m a baby,” he griped, turning to Bradley for a sympathetic smile.
“Moms, huh? Mine was the same way with me.” Bradley laughed softly, waving as you and Wells headed out.
Later that night, Bradley sat on his couch, settling in to watch a baseball game as he poured over the plans for the upcoming week. Cracking open his beer bottle, he sipped the drink, sighing tiredly as he read over the social studies plan, visiting the list of important historical figures he was expected to familiarize the class with over the course of the school year. With one hand, shakily written notes were made in a notebook, scribbling out ideas for fun ways to engage the kids with each important person he was required to introduce. 
Setting the beer down on a coaster, he exchanged it for a slice of greasy pizza, his reward for himself at the end of a successful first day of school. He shovelled it into his mouth, sighing as he watched the baseball game unfold. The Padres were down 3-7 in the bottom of the eighth, with not much hope left for them to pull through tonight. Bradley swallowed his mouthful, brushing the grease off his hands onto the leg of his grey sweatpants.
Bradley yawned, tired bleary eyes blinking as he padded down the hallway to his bedroom. He sighed softly and settled into bed, his mind wandering as his head rested on the pillow. Before he realized it, you were on his mind. He’d thought about you a lot that evening, brief intrusions of your smile flashing through his mind as he tried to plan out the upcoming week. 
This time though, as he laid there looking up at his ceiling, he thought about your apologies for being late, how it felt like you were pleading with him or Wells to not be upset with you. He thought about how your hair, although tousled from clearly running through parking lots to your car and to the school, framed your face perfectly, and how even in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the classroom, you managed to look nothing short of beautiful. 
He thought about how well the soft, purple hue of your skirt and blazer suited you, bringing out the glow of your skin and the colour of your eyes. He thought about how it hugged your curves as you left, hand in hand with Wells, the swish of your hips as you walked down the hallway. He thought about how he was pretty sure he didn’t see a wedding band on your finger, but also admonished himself for even checking. He couldn’t date a student’s parent. He knew better than that. 
But still, he couldn’t help but think about you. 
The next couple of weeks went by and Bradley’s interest in you grew fonder. He’d begun watching for you subtly at morning drop-offs and pick-ups, hoping to at least say hello once a day. On the last Friday of the month, you stopped him as he headed for his car, watching as Wells played on the playground equipment facing the parking lot.
“Mr. Bradshaw!” you called out, and Bradley couldn’t help but feel like you were making his name sound like a chorus of angels singing. 
“Hey, Mrs. Montgomery! Is everything ok?” Bradley asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Everything’s fine, yes,” you nodded, smiling as you gently corrected him about your name. You hadn’t been Mrs. Montgomery in two years, but, you couldn’t fault Bradley for slipping up, you knew the school secretary likely didn’t alert him ahead of time. You stifled a giggle as Bradley’s cheeks flushed red with embarrassment, now his turn to apologize profusely to you.
You waved a hand dismissively and smiled, turning to watch Wells play once again. 
“You know, it may have only been a few weeks, but Wells speaks very highly of you,” you started, nodding in confirmation as you watched him play, your gaze turning to land on Bradley for a moment, “He hasn’t been this interested in anything since his dad moved across the country.” 
“Oh? I’m glad I could help him enjoy school again. I try my best to keep things fun and exciting in the classroom — kids learn better when they’re excited and interested in something. No one has fun being read to from a textbook over and over again all day,” Bradley explained.
“Well, Mr. Bradshaw, you’re doing a really good job of it. He came home excited to tell me that he learned about George Washington yesterday. I’m pretty sure two days ago he had no idea who that was.”
“Please,” Bradley laughed softly, shaking his head, “You can call me Bradley. It’s less formal.”
“Bradley,” you repeated, nodding as you chuckled to yourself, “Bradley Bradshaw?”
“My dad had a sense of humour,” Bradley shrugged, looking out at the playground as Wells chased one of his friends around. “He’s a good kid, you know. Wells.”
“I know, I’m proud of how well he’s handling things now that his dad got relocated. Pensacola’s a lot further than he anticipated. He was hoping for Corpus Christi at least.”
Bradley’s ears piqued at the mention of Wells’ dad relocating. Pensacola and Corpus Christi both housed Naval Air bases, he was more than familiar with both of them. He’d only ever been stationed between Oceana, Miramar and North Island, but in his eighteen years of service, he’d met plenty of service members who hailed from one of the two bases originally. 
“Wells’ dad is a pilot?”
“Mhmm, well, mechanic, actually. He doesn’t fly them in combat,” you commented, raising an eyebrow at Bradley. “You seemed to guess that really well. Most people don’t guess pilot.”
“I used to be a Naval pilot, m’am,” he nodded, smiling proudly as he thought about his accomplished Naval career once again. “Lieutenant Commander Bradley Bradshaw, US Naval Air Force. I was stationed at NAS Oceana, transferred here to North Island, wrecked my knee, now I’m a teacher.” 
“That’s quite the pipeline into teaching, Lieutenant Commander.”
“Please, it’s Bradley. It’s nice not going by my rank, actually.” 
“Well, Bradley, I’d love to hear how exactly you landed on teaching second grade as a backup to flying F/A-18s for the United States Navy some day.” You nodded, hoping Bradley wouldn’t take offence to the suggestion of getting together at some point. Even if it was just as friends, you’d welcome it.
“That sounds like a good idea to me, actually. I’d love to.”
As Bradley headed to his car, he felt a little bounce in his step. He couldn’t help himself. Even if this just turned into a friendship and nothing more, he felt grateful that you wanted to spend time getting to know him better. 
His drive home was filled with more thoughts of you, thoughts of your pretty pastel coloured outfits you always seemed to favour, thoughts of your perfect smile, always beaming and cheerful, bright enough to brighten his entire day in a way that should make the sun jealous, thoughts of your hair, how it always looked so perfectly imperfect. 
In bed that night, Bradley thought about your legs, how they were long and lean, curving at your thigh. He thought about how good your ass looked in your skirt earlier today, how the material hugged it tightly. He thought about your thighs, how they looked so perfectly smooth and soft, how your plain white t-shirt that was tucked into your skirt did little to hide the swell of your breasts, and the way the curve of your neck looked irresistible, how badly he wanted to plant his lips on your skin and cover you in a trail of kisses. 
Bradley thought about you in a lot of ways that night. None of them were ways he was proud of. But as he stared up at the ceiling this time, you were the only thing on his mind. He didn’t know much about how he’d go about this newfound infatuation with you. All he knew was that if he was going to settle down with anyone, he was almost positive it would be with you. 
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savventeen · 1 year ago
Text
you say the stupidest (sweetest) things
pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader rating: 16+ (for swearing) wc: 4.5k prompt: seungkwan + "things you said at 1am" summary: you say stupid shit on the best of days, so when seungkwan comes over when you're having a bad bout of insomnia, the last thing he expects to hear from you is an accidental love confession warnings: insomnia, mental health issues, dissociation mention tags: fluff, friends to lovers, first kiss, reader is a little unhinged but who isn't tbh, they're also highkey allergic to genuine expressions of love/affection but they're working on it, banter, stimming, wrestling like children to try and work through emotions, reader is some flavor of lgbt+ (they make an "i've never done anything straight in my life" joke), reader's pov is dramatic bc they're dramatic oops a/n: this is for @dokyeomin as a part of my emergency commissions (check out the post here) and this was only supposed to be 1k but it 100% got away from me... i hope you still enjoy the fluff and all of the attached nonsense <3
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From: Y/n 🔪 [11:47pm]
yo kwannie if i impulsively decide to go to the 24h convenience store how harshly do u think they'll jusdge me for buying every flavor of gummy candy available *judge i wanna see if i can melt them down into one Ultimate Gummy u know for Science
Seungkwan pauses brushing his teeth and stares down at your messages.
To be fair, it's probably not the strangest thing you've ever texted him. He's known you since your second year of college, after all, so he has about half a decade of experience with all of your various y/n-isms under his belt now.
Which is how he knows to trust his gut when it tells him that this probably isn't your usual brand of nonsense.
He spits the toothpaste into the sink and dials your number. You answer on the second ring.
“Before you say anything,” you start, “I was only half-serious about the gummies thing. Like, it's a fun idea, you know? In theory. But in actuality? I do not want to deal with the mess that it would create. Or the smells. Well, the smells might actually be pretty good depending on—“
“Uh-huh,” he interrupts dryly. “Y/n, when's the last time you slept?”
The beat of silence that follows is enough to confirm his suspicions, and the hesitant “Um” that follows is just the icing on the cake, really.
He sighs. “The fact that you have to think about it says enough.”
“I don’t need to think about it,” you argue petulantly. “I just… don’t wanna tell you.”
“Y/n...” he groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Look, I know, I'm sorry.” And you do sound a little bit sorry, at least. “I'm just. Having an episode. Don't worry about it.”
His shoulders droop as the words sink in. “Episodes” are what you've taken to calling your intermittent bouts of serious insomnia.
Generally speaking, you sleep about as well as the average twenty-something with a caffeine addiction. But every few months or so, it's like your brain completely forgets how to shut off and you end up staying awake for 40+ hours straight.
“Well,” he says, putting his toothbrush away and going back to his bedroom. “You know that ship has sailed, right? You know I'm gonna worry about it.”
Your deep sigh crackles over the line. “Yeah, I know.”
“So. Where're we at this time?”
He mentally braces himself. The two of you have done this enough times now that he knows that you know there's no point in trying to lie or beat around the bush.
“Uhhhhhhh, I'll be hitting the 46-hour mark in about 20 minutes.”
“Aish.”
The fact that you can say that so casually makes his heart hurt. He knows that whenever he doesn't get enough sleep, he makes sure everyone knows it and thus babies him accordingly. But you've always been so intent on hiding anything and everything you struggle with. It's taken years for him to bully himself past the walls you keep hidden behind shit-eating grins and an over-willingness to help.
“Okay,” he says, moving to the dresser to grab an extra set of clothes. “I'll be over in an hour.”
“Wait. What?”
“You heard me.” He tosses the clothes onto his bed before going to grab one of his duffle bags, firmly asserting, “You've got an hour to mentally prepare yourself for my arrival.”
“Honey, you've got a big storm comin',” you quote at him without hesitating.
“You sure do,” he assures with a snort. “Better get ready to feel the wrath of my friendship.”
“Why do you have to love so aggressively?”
He rolls his eyes while he throws his clothes into the duffle bag with one hand. “Because it's the only way you'll accept it, idiot.”
“No, it isn't.”
Your pout is so audible through the phone that Seungkwan has to stop and glance at the screen in disbelief.
“Y/n. Y/n L/n. Do not stand there and lie to my face like that.”
“I'm not lying!”
“Not—” He gesticulates wildly with one hand like he's going Can you believe this shit? to an invisible TV audience. “Okay, tell me this: what did you do the last time I sincerely monologued at you about how much you mean to me as a friend, hmm? No bits, no bullshit, just me telling you how much I love you and how amazing you are.”
A beat. “I'll hang up on you, Kwannie, don't test me.”
He barely resists the urge to shove his face into the bedspread and scream. “You're literally proving my point right now!”
“Kwannieeee,” you whine, because you know he's right.
“Also, because I'm never letting you live it down, I will remind you exactly what you did."
You say his name again, but it's muffled, and he assumes it's because you're hiding your face in shame.
“I gave you a sincere, heartfelt speech about how much your friendship has changed my life for the better and made me become a better person—” he ignores your wordless pterodactyl screech, “—and how do you respond? By staring at me like a deer caught in the headlights, slowly raising your arms to give me double finger guns, winking, and then slowly backing out of the room like an awkward mannequin!”
“...”
“Well?” He puts his free hand on his hip. “Do you have anything to say for yourself?”
“… I’ve changed a lot since then.”
Seungkwan rolls his eyes before moving to continue packing his overnight bag. “It was literally three months ago.”
“Yeah, and? Doesn't change the fact that I've changed,” you assert.
“Into even more of a nuisance? Yes, you're absolutely right.” He smiles when he hears you scoff playfully.
“Listen here, Boo Seungkwan. You know that well-rested Y/n is ready to throw down with you at a moment's notice. What do you think sleep-deprived, zero-impulse-control Y/n is going to do the second you get to their front door?”
“Stop referring to themself in the third person, hopefully,” he mutters, finally zipping up his bag and heading to the door. “And then after that, they're going to let me bully them into resting.”
“Hmm. The council has heard your proposal, briefly pondered it, and deemed it “unnecessary” on the basis of: they're a bad bitch that can't be stopped by neither time nor physics nor any god of your choosing.”
Seungkwan scoffs as he puts the call on speaker and sits to put on his sneakers. “Well, “the council” can go fuck right off.”
“What if the council would like to fuck right on?”
Pausing in the middle of tying his laces, he blinks down at his phone. “I'm— what?”
“Okay, real talk, what do you think it would mean in this case? Like, would this be like a 'hop on' versus 'hop off' situation? Or more like an 'I'm down for this' versus 'I'm up for this' kinda situation? Because it would have very different outcomes depending.”
Seungkwan decides that this is a debate better left for another time. “I think it means that I'm going to be at your house soon and that if you're not in your pajamas with hot Sleepy Time tea and the series Planet Earth ready to go, there will be consequences.”
“Booooooo, you whore.”
He finishes tying his laces and jabs his finger at the phone. “Consequences, Y/n.”
“Ugh, fine.”
“See you soon, love you, bye.” He hangs up before you can get another word in, but doesn't move from his seated position in the entryway.
Slowly, he takes a deep breath in and lets it out, taking a moment to lean back on his hands while he stares at the back of his front door. Specifically, at the large collage of sticky notes and pictures and doodles that have taken up residence there.
A few of the notes are ones he's gotten from other members of your shared friend group over the years (the one from Chan that reads "if u eat my rice i'll eat ur kneecaps xoxo" hangs proudly in the center, right next to a picture of him sleeping that Seungkwan managed to capture from an extremely unflattering angle). But most of them are from you.
Dumb puns, meme references, bullshit animal facts you made up just to get him to laugh… almost all of them are stupid in that extremely charming way that only you somehow manage to pull off.
But the one he's staring at now is almost completely hidden by other notes and pictures that have been added to the collage. It's a pale blue, the ink starting to fade a bit with time — the first note you ever gave him, back when you two were just people who happened to sit next to each other in an astronomy class.
Even though most of it is hidden, he doesn't need to be able to see all the tiny words you crammed into the small space to already know exactly what it says.
how do u make a space party? u planet :P u looked sad today, hope this makes u feel a little better also if this is 2 forward feel free 2 pretend i don't exist. or punt me in2 the sun idk u'd be doing me a favor tbh
He'd almost skipped class that day because of how bad he'd been feeling, but he'd decided to try and push through. And before that day, neither of you had interacted with more than a polite greeting and the occasional question about the homework.
But then you'd passed him that note, and he'd passed one back that said “that's dumb. but thank you” with a smiley face, and you'd passed another one back that said “do u think lizard people have ever been to space?” and the rest, they say, is history.
Seungkwan shakes his head with a sigh before standing up and grabbing his bag and his keys, striding determinedly out the door. He's got a best friend to take care of.
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Seungkwan should be at your place soon, and you're not quite sure what to do in the meantime.
You have your laptop hooked up to the monitor in the living room with Planet Earth queued up, you have the kettle filled with water and ready to go on the stove, and you have mugs and teabags ready on the counter next to it.
The Required Tasks™️ have been completed as much as possible without the arrival of your best friend, and now all that's left to do is wait.
Which, normally, you're not the worst at. You're excellent at entertaining yourself, actually, mostly because there's always something to think about. Whether it be about cute dogs that you've seen over the past week (I wonder if the pomeranian down the street will let me pet him next time), potential plot twists for the new fantasy drama you're a little bit obsessed with (what if Gregothy was cursed the whole time???), or generic ponderings of the human existence as a whole (do souls have the metaphysical equivalent of a fingerprint?), you're pretty much always thinking about something.
Which is totally fine and dandy and cool or whatever when you have the ability to, you know, shut it off. For example, when you need to do something simple and necessary like, oh I don't know, go the fuck to sleep.
You also hate when that manic mental energy somehow translates into kinetic energy as well. It makes you feel like a hamster in a cage, watching yourself running and running and running on that stupid wheel until you exhaust yourself.
Tonight's metaphorical wheel: stimming like wild in the kitchen. Flapping, rocking, (gently) slapping, making weird and fun mouth sounds, the whole shebang.
And again, normally stimming is fun. Stimming is great. But stimming because you feel like if you don't stop moving you're going to literally vibrate out of your skin is, to put it lightly, Not It.
It takes you about ten minutes to work out all of the energy until you no longer feel like your blood was replaced with pop rocks.
With a groan, you lower yourself to the kitchen floor and lay down face first. Because despite how exhausted you feel in every possible way, there's still something like an itch in your conscious, a fucking pea underneath the miles of mattresses that refuse to let you just. Fucking. Sleep.
Your pity party must've lasted longer than you realized (or, more likely, you dissociated for a hot second there) because suddenly someone's knocking at your door at the same time you get a text from Seungkwan.
And you know it's a text from Seungkwan specifically because you got Vernon to help you change your notification settings so that whenever Seungkwan texts you, the "i love you.. bitch" sound clip plays instead of a normal text tone.
For a fraction of a second, you contemplate slowly inching your way to the door like an uncoordinated caterpillar, but you swat the thought aside like you’re swatting a gnat and you awkwardly roll to your feet and make your way to your front door.
Without hesitating, you unlock the door, swinging it open with a flourish and sticking a finger right in Seungkwan's face before he can utter a single syllable, forcing him to cross his eyes.
You open your mouth wide like you're going to say something, pause for a moment, then tap your pointed finger to his nose with a quiet "boop."
He blinks, expression turning deadpan, and sighs. "I should have expected this, honestly."
“Yep!”
You let him into your apartment, and he makes himself right at home, mildly bitching at you as he goes to get the tea ready, and something within you shifts.
The inside of your head is still a bit of a dumpster fire, unfortunately, but inside your chest... something clicks into place that you're not sure that you're ready to name. Whatever it is, though, it's soft and warm and kinda feels like your heart is being hugged.
Smiling to yourself, you follow him into the kitchen.
💤 💤 💤 💤 💤
It was pretty much straight to “business” after that, and it only takes Seungkwan one cup of tea and two episodes listening to David Attenborough's dulcet narrations for him to knock right out, leaning heavily against your shoulder on the couch.
Which means it's now the perfect time to sit there and Admire Your Bro™️.
It's rare to see him so still, you think. He's an active guy, in pretty much every sense of the word, and you always feel a little honored when you get to be witness to his quiet, vulnerable moments like this one.
He looks so serene, face smoothed out and painted in soft twirling shades of blue from the screen of the monitor, though you can't see too much of it from this angle. Mostly you just see his cheeks and stupidly adorable button nose.
And you've seen the same thing a million times before — in all kinds of states and expressions — and despite how much you've tried to ignore it, each and every time you've caught yourself noticing just how cute Seungkwan is, it's caused that thing in your heart to scrunch up, full of the L-word feeling that you've kept unnamed for what feels like forever now.
Except, maybe that thing in your heart is tired of scrunching up. Maybe it's decided that it's tired of forever.
Maybe that thing has finally decided to burrow itself out of the walls you've built up because you find yourself finally allowing yourself to think, Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.
You don't realize that Seungkwan has completely stilled against you, but you certainly notice when he suddenly throws himself forward so he can turn around and stare at you incredulously. Only he overshoots a little bit and ends up falling off the couch with a squawk and a dramatic flail.
"Oh my god, Kwannie are you okay?!"
He stares at you from where he fell, wide-eyed like you've grown a second head or like the time you'd tried to convince him that birds weren't real and actually just a government conspiracy.
"Am— am I okay? No??"
Now it's your turn to move off of the couch, coming down to his level to see if maybe he hurt himself when he fell. "Fuck, okay, did you hit something? Do you need an icepack?"
Seungkwan being Not Okay is maybe one of the worst things that could ever happen in the entire universe and you're trying not to panic as you reach out to check for injuries.
"No, no, stop—" he bats away at your hands and you stop in your motions, now kneeling in front of him. "I'm not hurt!"
Your brain does the cartoonish screech thing as it comes to a halt, and you furrow your brows. "But.. you just said you're not okay?"
"I'm not!" His eyes are still wide in shock, but he also looks confused and maybe a little bit like he's about to cry?
Oh no. If he cries and it's somehow your fault (because it has to somehow be your fault) you think the world might actually end.
"Okay, uh. I am— confused,” you start, sure you must look as lost as you feel. “But, um, what can I do to help?"
He swallows, and a part of you realizes that he's looking at you with an expression you've never seen before. "Did you mean it?"
Knowing that it's significant but not yet knowing why, you maintain eye contact. "Mean what?"
"What you just said."
You blink. "...that I'm confused?"
He shakes his head. "No, before that."
You have a hard time remembering what you just said when you're not sleep-deprived and worried you've just somehow accidentally caused irreparable emotional damage to your best friend. "Uh... when I asked if you were okay?"
"No, fuck," and it's a shock for some reason, hearing him cuss right now. You hear him say much worse things all the time, but you think it might be the way he said it — with a kind of desperate vulnerability that you're not sure you've ever heard from him before.
That thing in your chest twinges and you think maybe you're the one who's gonna start crying.
He says your name like a plea, and then he's on his knees right in front of where you're kneeling on the floor, reaching forward to cup your face in his palms. "You said— Y/n, you said "holy shit I think I'm in love with you.””
Oh.
You're pretty sure your heart falls right out of your ass and bounces across the rug, judging from the way it comes to a dead stop. You blink at him. Full of new and sinking kind of dread, you whisper, "...I said that out loud?"
He laughs, but it's tinged with incredulity and sounds a little too close to a sob for comfort. "Yes! You did!"
And wait, no, your heart is still stuck in your chest, because you can feel it start pounding against your ribcage in double, triple, quadruple time. He must see the fear in your expression, because suddenly his eyes are narrowed in a determined scowl and he growls, "Oh no you don't."
Then you find yourself going down with a yelp as Seungkwan octopuses himself around you, trapping you within the confines of his surprisingly strong arms and legs as he basically tackles you to the floor.
You try and wiggle away even as you know it's useless, and he grits, "Y/n dammit, answer my question."
"Why were you even awake?” You deflect, getting an arm free and trying to give him a wedgie. “You were supposed to be asleep!"
"I was supposed to be asleep?!” He screeches, easily evading your reach and poking your ribs to get you to reflexively pull back your arm. “You're the one who hasn't slept in literal days! And stop avoiding my question!"
"No!" He has you trapped once again, and you resort to licking his arm.
"Oh my god!"
He muffles his scream into your shoulder, long and frustrated, and then he just... goes limp. He loosens his hold and just lets his full body weight kinda crush the parts of you he's ended up lying on and just... lays there.
This is your chance, you know — to wiggle free and escape and run away from your feelings just like you always have.
But, for some reason, you don't — that scrunched-up thing in your chest holds you back. You stay there, lying beneath Seungkwan on the floor of your living room at one-something in the morning, and the two of you just breathe.
"It's okay, you know," he murmurs after a moment, so quiet you barely hear him over David Attenborough still narrating softly in the background. "If you didn't mean it. It's okay."
Holy shit, I think I'm in love with you.
And you realize how easy it would be to play it off, to blame it on the sleep deprivation, the way you blurted it out like that — to say (to lie) you meant it completely platonically, like the way you propose to Mingyu at least once a month when he cooks you all dinner.
And you also realize, quite shockingly, that despite how a part of you still desperately wants to run away, the larger part of you wants to stay. Doesn't want to run. Doesn't want to lie anymore.
You swallow heavily, briefly close your eyes, and take in a deep breath. "And if I did? Mean it?"
This time, you do notice when Seungkwan goes still. Slowly, he lifts his head so he can look you in the eyes.
When he doesn't say anything, just continues to look at you with an unreadable expression, you try to continue.
"Would you— would that— would it be okay? If I meant it? When I— when I said that I'm in love with you? Is— because um, like you said, it's okay if it's not, and uh—"
Your nervous rambling comes to a stop when he once again cups your face, but it's gentler than before, closer to a caress. The whole time you'd been talking he'd been slowly sitting up, and now he's on his knees next to where you're still lying down on the floor, looking down at you like all the hope in the world is somewhere to be found in your expression.
"Y/n." he says your name like it's something precious, and you feel the absurd urge to burst into tears. "It would be very okay." His thumbs make gentle arcs across your cheeks. "And just to be clear: you mean it in a non-platonic sense, right?” He chews on his lip. “Hopefully, in a very much romantic sense?"
Staring at him staring at you, eyes bright with hope and a little bit of wonder... you can only imagine you must be looking at him the same way. Your chest feels like it's full of helium but also like something warm and gooey is sloshing around in there. And all that hope and wonder and holy shit is this actually happening? is causing your tongue to stick to the roof of your mouth, and all you're able to get past your lips is a breathless, "Hopefully?"
"Oh my god," he groans in frustration, but it's light and airy and makes you think of amusement park rides and fairy lights and how you want to annoy the shit out of this man for the rest of his life, if he'll let you. He's shaking his head, smiling, beaming, and he asks, "Why can you never give me any kind of a straight answer, huh?"
"Because it's my life's purpose to be the bane of your existence until the day we die," you say, reaching up to hold his face too. "Also because I've never done anything straight ever in my life."
And then your body is moving before your brain can think it though, dragging him down until you can press your lips to his and finally, finally know what it's like to kiss Boo Seungkwan.
He makes a little noise of surprise, one that you can feel buzz against your lips before he melts into you. And oh, any thoughts you might have had are forcefully ejected from your brain because all you can focus on are his lips pressed to yours, the way they move slowly, gently, turning this chaste kiss into the most scorching experience of your life. His nose bumps against yours and the heat of his warm breath sends tingles throughout your body, and his hands, fuck, his hands are still holding you gently but also with a firmness that feels like he doesn't want to let you go.
And then he's pulling away, and you whine at him because this may be the cruelest thing he's ever done to you ever in your entire life. "Noooooo, why'd you stop?"
"Because, as much as I'd love to continue to make out with you on your floor while an old British man narrates about life on the Serengeti—” he mercifully ignores the way you choke on your spit at the way he talks about making out with you so nonchalantly "—it's past someone's bedtime."
Your mouth drops open in offended shock. Was he actually going to put you to bed like a child? Like you both hadn't just declared your romantic love for each other? "Are you fucking serious?"
He just stands up and crosses his arms, looking down at you with a single raised eyebrow. You take the part of you that finds it annoyingly attractive and promptly smother it, crossing your own arms from your position on the floor.
"I'm not a baby," you definitely don't pout.
"Hmmm...” And then the bastard fucking pouts at you. “But you're my baby."
You blink at him.
"Welp, that was nice while it lasted,” you grunt, rolling to your feet, “but I suddenly need to relocate to Antarctica and become a penguin herder.”
He pulls you into his arms with a laugh, and you let him, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.
“You know,” he starts after he's held you for a few moments. “This isn't how I ever imagined how us confessing to each other would go.”
You snort.
“But also,” he continues, “it feels very 'us' doesn't it?”
"Yeah,” you murmur, not bothering to lift your head from his shoulder.
“Mmm, is someone finally sleepy?” he teases, starting to waddle you both towards your bedroom. “Did all the emotions finally wear you out?”
Instead of nodding, you lightly kick him in the shin and the sappy part of your brain that is currently in charge of everything thinks that his indignant squawk is one of your most favorite sounds.
The sappy part of your brain is right, of course, and when you wake up in your bed 15 hours later and accidentally smack him in the face, the urge to run is a little bit smaller than it was before. And the way he flushes bright red after you sleepily kiss him on the cheek is an image you're going to cherish until the day you die.
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