#Who am I kidding? I don't think I could write a sad ending to save my life.

[starlightvld]

Bait & Switch, pt. 7

<< Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 >>

Based on "I wasn't in that tunnel."

Call of Duty, soapghost // CW: angst, Hurt/Comfort, MWIII spoilers

---

Soap flashes in and out of consciousness, his body trembling as he alternates between fever and chills. He's vaguely aware of when they pull into a garage, the already-dark night turning pitch black as the door closes behind them. Ghost gently pulls him from the car and Gaz and Price throw his arms over their shoulders as they half drag, half carry him into what looks to be a safe house kitchen. They lead him through the house and lay him on the softest bed he's felt in years.

He passes out immediately.

When he wakes, it's to the thin light of dawn creeping around the curtains and hushed voices behind him.

"Stop worryin'," Ghost says. "Gaz will be fine."

Soap has his back to the room, but from the closeness of Ghost's voice, he gathers that Ghost is in the bed with him. Price's gruff voice replies from somewhere on the far side of the room.

"He's been gone longer than expected."

"Because we weren't sure exactly when the contact would arrive. And without comms or phones, we're operatin' in the blind. He'll be alright."

Price grumbles. Soap shudders as a chill sweeps through him, and an involuntary whine escapes his lips. It's worth the embarrassment, though, when Ghost's warm body sidles up to curl around his back.

"Alright, Johnny?" Ghost murmurs.

"Cold. And hot. And... fuck. Just want this to be over."

"You and me, both. Gaz is working on getting you more saline bags. We grabbed what we could from the hospital, but you're about to run out."

"Wha' 'bout you?" Soap slurs as the heat of Ghost's body pulls him toward oblivion.

"Right as rain. Go back to sleep, yeah?"

Soap hums and drifts off again. The next time he wakes, it's to the scent of something savory wafting through the air. His stomach growls, and behind him, Ghost huffs a laugh.

"You awake or just gurglin' in your sleep?"

"'M awake," Soap mumbles, turning to face Ghost.

A long tube snakes out from under the covers, and Soap realizes Gaz must have returned with the saline bags while he was sleeping. He must've made a supply run as well.

"Any news?" he asks as he gingerly pushes himself up to lean against the headboard next to Ghost.

"Nothing worth mentionin'. We're here until Laswell thinks it's safe enough to move again. She's narrowin' down the possible traitor or traitors, but it's slow work."

Soap just nods as Ghost turns and hands him a bowl of rice and chicken covered in a mild sauce. Another growl from his stomach interrupts the quiet of the room, and Soap gladly tucks into the meal. When he finishes, Ghost takes the bowl and sets it off to the side.

"More?"

"No' right now."

A quiet permeates the space between them, but it's not uncomfortable. Ghost gingerly adjusts himself against the headboard, and then softly, quietly, he moves his hand to rest over Soap's on the mattress. 

The touch shouldn't feel so mind-shattering. He's been sleeping in Ghost's arms for two days now and even kissed him. But something about the way Ghost's warm hand curls around Soap's feels like the most significant thing to happen to him since Makarov stole him away from the 141 and broke him.

The quiet lingers. Soap breathes through the pressure in his head and turns his hand, slotting their fingers together. The world slows to the faint beat of a pulse against his fingers and the rise and fall of Ghost's chest in his peripheral vision.

"Don't know what's goin' on in that head of yours," Ghost murmurs, "but I wanted to make sure you know... nowt's changed for me when it comes to you. If you feel different—"

"I don't," Soap interrupts. "Feel different, I mean. If anything, I'm probably gonna be a clingy bastard for a long while."

A pink tongue darts out to wet Ghost's lips. It strikes him then that Ghost isn't wearing a medical mask any more. Soap turns to study Ghost's profile, and Ghost nods, a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth.

"S'alright with me, Johnny. If we're bein' honest, I'd rather not let you out of my sight ever again."

Soap nods and leans over, resting his head on Ghost's shoulder. "Fine by me."

The soft pressure of lips against his shaved head is almost as good as the warmth of their fingers tangled together.

---

It takes a week to wean Soap off Makarov's drugs, but to his frustration, the withdrawal symptoms don't abait much: headaches, chills, irritability, and worst of all, hallucinations. They're mild — just blurs of motion in of the corner of his eyes or vague figures hovering in shadows — but it's enough to be dangerous, especially when they're being actively hunted. Luckily, Ghost is always there to reassure him. Gaz teases them about being attached at the hip, but he can see the underlying concern when Gaz looks at him.

They all look at him like that, though. Like he might disappear on them. It's fine, though, because Soap pretty much feels the same way about them.

He's still waiting to wake up in a pile of his own excrement and find that everything was a dream.

Ghost's wound is also improving day by day, and he's started mild exercises to keep up his strength. Soap joins him when he can, desperate to stay strong. Desperate to be able to fight. 

He can't go back. He won't. 

They have their own room, but in spite of Soap's bravery with their first and only kiss, he decides it's best to let Ghost take the lead any anything further, especially considering Ghost's wound. They curl up together each night, becoming more comfortable invading each others' spaces, but Ghost keeps his hands limited to the non-erogenous zones and his lips confined to soft kisses to Soap's head, forehead, or occasionally the corner of his mouth. Soap reminds himself of Ghost's words — that nothing has changed — and tries to be content.

The days pass slowly, and they're all going a bit stir crazy by the time Laswell wakes them before dawn and tells them to pack up. They obey without a word. The house is already clean — they've been treating it like an op where they could be called away at any moment, and it pays off. Within ten minutes, they've got their personal items packed, the fridge contents packed into a cooler, and as many surfaces as they can reach wiped down for finger prints. It won't stop a detailed search, but it will slow their enemies down if they find the place.

Ghost and Soap move as a unit, piling into the car in their previous positions. Gaz and Price swap out so Price can drive. Laswell continues to be closed lipped about everything from her spot in the passenger seat, and whether it's because she suspects listening devices or just doesn't think they need to know, he can feel the tension rolling off of her as she turns around and hands each of them a gun and several clips.

"I hope we won't run into trouble, but I'm not taking any chances. If we're separated, RV at these coordinates." She rattles off a series of numbers, and Soap repeats them in his head to solidify the information as Laswell continues, "And trust no one but each other. No old friends. No family members. Anyone outside this vehicle is suspect. Understood?"

"Yes, Ma'am," the three echo in unison.

Laswell nods, turns back around, and closes her door. The interior light switches off, leaving nothing but the dim light of the dashboard as a bastion against the darkness.

Soap stares at the soft glint on the barrel of the gun is in his hand.

His palm curls around the grip, finger placed carefully away from the trigger. His heart beats in his ears as the garage door opener grinds into motion, the slow dawning of morning light permeating the space.

The gun in his hand gains shape, hard lines mixed with gentle curves revealed by the growing light. A whisper of reflex, of ground-in instruction, urges him to flip off the safety, curl his finger over the trigger, and eliminate his targets.

He sucks in a hard gasp and shoves the gun at Ghost.

"C-c-c-annae have it. Not yet."

Ghost doesn't even blink as he leans forward and shoves the gun in the waistband of his trousers at the small of his back. "More for me. If somethin' happens, you stick to me like glue, right Johnny?"

Soap feels Gaz's eyes on him, but it's Price whose gaze collides with his in the rearview mirror. "Alright, Soap?"

"Y-yeah. Stick to Ghost."

It takes ten minutes for his hands to stop shaking.

---

<< Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7 // Part 8 >>

[p-perkeys]

Non Spoiler (ish) Rant About Hellverine #3

"I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending."

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I'm so tired of this. Like it really, really makes me want to take a break from reading and writing and drawing and just everything because it is SO HARD to stay inspired when you have jack shit to work with.

For starters, why can Akihiro not break free from the cycle of "I'm Using You But I Prefer Your Father"? Totally understand how hard the Romulus backstory hits, but Marvel, we do NOT have to just recycle that storyline over and over and over again. It did its damage the first time around. Sabertooth recycled this in Uncanny X-Force. And then again in Sabertooth War. I know it's happened other times with other people, I'm just too lazy and irritated to think back on it at the moment.

I physically cringed reading the last page because whyyyyy did I see it coming a thousand miles away? At this point just kill Logan babes.

Kill Logan.

He's old and crinkly. Clearly we're running out of ideas for his story.

Kill him instead.

What's the purpose of killing Akihiro in Sabertooth War, teasing bringing him back in Hellverine, just to end #3 this way? Like, what is the *intellectual* purpose? From a storytelling perspective, who in editing said "Yes Percy, I absolutely think you should rewrite the SAME STORY that was JUST DONE and just barely change the details. ACTUALLY!! Reuse even older storylines! Will anyone notice?? Noooooo!! Of course not!"

Here's a thought: Could've saved Talon for this story line. Kill off an extra, useless Laura, Logan gets his dead kid and I'm such a sad, sad lonely wolf man angst, and the original sniktblings remain unscathed. Boom!

I say again - when Logan KILLED his own son, it's kinda hard to just keep killing him again and again and expect Logan to be just as devastated. At this point, is he not tired of his son being dead because of him?? Like even in his own universe, is he not thinking 'wow this sure happens a lot... lets go ahead and reverse this'??

And how is Akihiro's healing factor not doing a damn thing?? Theoretically, if his body was put back together even in his grave, he should have/could have healed. And if you wanna argue that, then him being revived - even with a demon - would have been enough to give him the energy and life to self-heal. No one can argue with me about this. His healing factor SHOULD WORK. There is literally no reason for it not to. None at all. And if you still wanna argue that even though you can't, then how come Marvel can magically resurrect characters with their magic writing powers just because but for some reason Akihiro is just really, really dead right now??? The math isn't mathing babe it just isn't.

WHERE THE FUCK ARE HIS SISTERS? At this point I'm legitimately pissed about this glaringly obvious lack of knowledge on a key character. Clearly no one knows what they're doing with this story. Laura and Gabby would be sadder than Logan because Logan historically doesn't give a shit. Why do we get to see sad Logan 500x but nothing from the people in Akihiro's life who CONSISTENTLY were there? Again - bad writing! Bad editing! Can tell they do not do their homework! This is very obviously a LOGAN story and Akihiro, yet again, is just the thick-it powder to mix in runny shit that otherwise lacks substance!

I'm well aware that I am going OFF but I really, really am so unsatisfied with this story. I am clinging to the smallest thread that maybe... MAYBE... someone somewhere will save the day and #4 will reveal a plot twist. Genuinely don't think they're educated enough to pull that off tho. Feel like they know nothing about Akihiro.

"Logan... dad...?" Uh, since when??? Since WHEN??? Show me where that change happened????? Hm????????

If they are really going where they implied they're going with this, I will lose my mind. It's already lost, but I'll lose it even more.

I also started like 3 one-shots to work this out and I just can't. Like the inspiration is dead right now. I'll have to wait until #4.

I really hope that I feel like an idiot when #4 comes out. I really hope it comes full circle and I go "ohhhhhhh THAT'S what they were doing!" but :) I am borrowing hope that I don't actually have :) so :) In conclusion,

Percy, you are a twat and I hope you have a nightmare tonight.

[pyromanicsghost]

I genuinely don't understand why people hate the new season. Spoilers to follow.

To start, the Five and Lila subplot was shit. I won't front - it existing outside of the plot made it easy for me to just act like it didnt happen. Diego and Lila and Five deserved better and it sounds like the actors knew it. But if a bad romance subplot could ruin a whole show, I'd hate a lot more things.

I'm on the fence about Klaus's plot - felt like sidelining him and was questionable. But also a natural part of Klaus's life. Lila had her kids, Allison had Claire, Diego his family, on and on. Klaus's whole life was avoiding being sober and then a huge focus on sobriety. This is his thing. All y'all loved his drugged antics and it gets messy and sad especially when facing it post rock bottom and change.

I see a lot of Ben being unimportant complaints - Ben was always auxilary and a mcguffin there to bond or split the group - Umbrella Ben was a concept, a guilt source, Klaus's conscience, Klaus's id...never a character and dead before the show ever began. Sparrow Ben was literally never part of this family and plot about the family embracing him would have been nice, but him having his own solo quest because he is alone in this world was also fine. Jennifer was a plot device - and in a comic book show about another apocalypse thats not neccessarily a bad thing - especially with a group of dynamic characters I care about on the board.

I see a lot of complaints about the lack of fun villains. What was Sy (I know who was in him but that performance was fun)? Gene and Jean? Those are classic villains that are right up there with the Swedes and the Handler. Hazel & Cha Cha are still standouts but thats not cause these guys sucked.

I see a lot of ending complaints - going from "it was all for nothing" to "it was harmful". If it was harmful for you please be safe and that's a personal decision each time - but also that's media sometimes. It wasn't an irresponisble move like The Magicians or 13 Reasons or other things that just don't consider the audiences needs in order to gain shock value and I don't think they did anything irresponsible with it.

(I am a survivor of unalive attempts, one right after magicians so I get it. And I'm a year sober re: Klaus stuff.)

But, I loved the ending. I don't think it was all for nothing. They saved thier families! They saved everyone! The whole world! Universe! Future and past! Their moms! Hundreds of people who died in their fight to save it, on either side because without the conflict caused by them they're lives were different! I wish the Flash, or Winchesters, or anyone else who keeps ruining lives and causing death and strife sometimes on an apocalypse scale or multiverse timesplit scale had, at literally any point, said "Actually we should value this over my mom/brother/self"...like the scale was apocalyptic. That has a cost. And wow they fixed more than even I hoped. The families? Nice. Hazel and his diner wife are where I got emotional - very nice touch to show everyone.

Why isn't there a kugelblitz? Either the deletion of the timelines and that energy removed the issue Golden Compass style or its a fun comic book show with time assassins and a new element called marigold.. take your pick. It's never been that deep.

The marigolds at the end were probably not thought about as much as anyone on here has. I thought it was just a fun finale goodbye, like getting a bouqet at curtain. I liked that Ben and Lila both had one.

Genuinely confused and had to write to the void and see if I'm alone or crazy. I recommend a lot of people read and watch more media for literacy and stop hoping for plots that are fanservice as they often tank good things and fanfiction and your imagination remain goated, often better, or touch grass and realize the silly fun comic book apocalypse multiverse romp may just be a lil dumb and that's okay...if you read all that I'd love feedback 🩷

And I loved so much more than this stuff! Claire being an actualized young adult and loving her uncle and mom and being a teen? Viktor getting the validation he craved. Diego getting his skills and lust for life back. The fucking cut from baby shark to "He's dying" and so many shots/editing/music choices that highlight the dark comedy this show is.

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

Hey, so I saw your post about some fics demonizing Neytiri. That has actually been one of my major fears as a fic writer, attempting to balance Neytiri's extremely valid trauma and the POV I'm writing from (that is typically flawed in some way). I was wondering, since you seem very well-versed on the topic, what do you define as "demonizing" for Neytiri? Is it ok to write from a perspective where a character doesn't really like or trust her, as long as the trauma is noted? Do you have any resources so I can educate myself to properly write this kind of character?

I really want to make sure I'm doing right by Neytiri and improve as a fic writer overall, so any advice you could offer would be very much appreciated!

Whoa, what a complicated and nuanced question. A great one! And I'm super flattered you came to me! Just one I'm going to try to answer to the best of my ability. I'm assuming you're referring to Norm's pov in your fic?

First of all, I do not want to at all proclaim to be an expert on generational trauma; I am not a person of color, and I have been lucky enough to have a very normal and healthy family. I just had a best friend growing up in an abusive household and took steps to educate myself best I could to understand the situation, which I believe anyone would do. So I'm just gonna try to word vomit out my thoughts for you, please ask questions or challenge any of what I say if any of you see anything you think is incorrect. Buckle in, this will be long.

What do you define as "demonizing" for Neytiri?

Demonizing means portraying someone as wicked or threatening, as evil or worthy of contempt and blame.

For me, demonizing for Neytiri is the trend I've seen lately of portraying her as this unyielding, animalistic type character who's hatred of humans, Spider specifically, goes so far that she gets physically violent with Spider and eventually ends up tearing apart her family. In these fics, Jake is always a sad sack loser bystander, loving his wife too much to step in but of course shamefully knowing how wrong what she's doing is. Infantilizing poor white savior Jake Sully, being brow beaten by his mean indigenous wife into neglecting a child is a weirdly strong take in this fandom. Often Mo'at is a wise elder chiding Neytiri for being unable to get over her prejudice. Mo'at and Jake understand Neytiri as much as anyone would, they wouldn't shame her. To me, it's an extremely reductive and frankly borderline racist characterization. When paired with a sympathetic view of Quaritch, it is at best irresponsible and at worst knowingly dangerous.

Neytiri is representative of an indigenous woman. I feel like I don't have to explain why making her violent, volatile, and completely unreasonable is a little bit of a harmful caricature. In these fics, for me, Neytiri ceases to be a person. She looses autonomy to sort of represent this monolith of hatred and prejudice that has hurt our little baby boy Spider. It's crazy to me that people can't apply the exact same empathy they have towards Spider (saving Quaritch) to Neytiri (not being able to trust Spider). They are the most foil of foil characters. Their storylines are extremely similar, if I'm being honest. Essentially, ignoring the fact that Neytiri is a member of a minority community being actively genocided by Spider's people is intentionally reductive. If you can empathize with Spider, and ESPECIALLY if you find Quaritch sympathetic, finding Neytiri's actions unforgivable is racism, plain and simple.

Also, side note, the lengths people go to where Neytiri just literally will not budge under any circumstances at all is INSANE.

(I read a fic the other day where she gave Spider to child protective services behind everyone's back. That's LUNACY. She only came around after she almost lost Tuk when Tuk was suddenly born prematurely and Mo'at came in and was like "Eywa made it so you can never have kids again because of what you did, have you learned your lesson yet?" Like?? I do not understand the HATRED some of ya'll have for her, the suffering you all think she deserves. She's having an EXTREMELY NORMAL trauma reaction to surviving GENOCIDE? Examine yourselves greatly).

But where I was going was Neytiri is the same character who pushed her parents to let them go to human school, fell in love with human Jake, defended him and trusted him despite her family, mated with him and lost her religious position because of it, and then had a bunch of part human kids with him, and adopted a fully freak of nature kid born of a human she loved and respected. She has human friends, she wears and uses human tech, and she forgave Jake after he had betrayed them. Basically what I'm saying is Neytiri, despite her continuous trauma, is the most open and curious and non traditional Na'vi of all time. Girl is READY to meet new people and learn new shit, and to be open to everyone. Sometimes I think about a no trauma Neytiri and I get emotional. I think it's crazy to say she would never budge on Spider, if it wasn't for his dad I'm pretty sure she would've softened lonnnnng ago, if not having liked him from the get go.

Um, that got way too long I have too many thoughts. Second half of your question.

Is it ok to write from a perspective where a character doesn't really like or trust her, as long as the trauma is noted?

This is a tricky question, because technically there is nothing you can't do as a writer. Of course, it also means there is nothing anyone can't criticize you for writing. Like, Colleen Hoover can say she's writing realistic depictions of domestic abuse until the cows come home, I'm still going to say she's romanticizing and normalizing it in a super callous way. Neither of us can stop the other. So yeah, of course you're okay to write from the perspective of a character that doesn't like Neytiri. I just think the point will be what your prerogative is. One of my MFA professors says it in a way I like and I'm sure I've referenced before, if you aren't trying to make a point about something that might have to have a trigger warning then don't include it. I always say I would take it a step further; if your point is to defend that thing, don't do it. So for me, my big points would be try not to project my own feelings onto the character either way; if the character is wrong about something and the narrative intends to show that they will either learn, or we the reader will grow past them. But to be sure what you feel the takeway of the piece is is what you wanted it to be, I guess.

Do you have any resources so I can educate myself to properly write this kind of character?

Well, I have a few on white writers writing BIPOC characters and the ethics of that if you're interested in that. But I don't have any on specifically writing generational trauma. I guess I'd say reading and absorbing are my biggest tools; so reading books/watching movies or TV that use the speculative to translate generational trauma, and learning about and taking in the real life examples the character is based on. Read up on some genocides, and indigenous people today and how their lives are still affected. Even just watch the news; we're witnessing a very public genocide being pushed right to our attention right now. And of course, that is not the only genocide happening rn, it's just the only one we're talking about, so there's plenty of real world case studies unfortunately right in front of us.

[fatuismooches]

FUCK I TOTALLY FORGOT TO SEND YOU AN ASK ABOUT THE FIC... i just got hit full force but like 89831 different fucking projects all at once MY BAD POOKIE BUT UGHHHHHHH oh my god.... part 2??? yes.. all of it is soooo YESS

YESS you visualized everything what you've been talking about how reader would react when they first wake up after centuries and honestly hella realistic EVEN THOUGH I JUST WANNA HOLD READER AND KISS THEIR FOREHEAD 😭😭😭

reader interacting with the segments has my HEARTTT oh my god.. especially omega.. he's SUCH A DEVIOUS MOTHERFUCKEGUJK,,, also reader naming the segments UGHHH i adore that idea so much pleaseee ,, i love how the segments who didn't give a shit suddenly changed their minds when reader said they wanna give them names... THE SWITCH UP AND THE IMMEDIATE DENIAL...

READER MEETING BABY ZANDY ,,, FUCKINGG hell got me sooo soft i wanna hold baby zandy and treat him soo nicely 🥹🥹

ALSO YESS omgg,,, this part has me sooo fucking soft like reader making friends??? with the other harbingers??? i love it... omg they'd be such good besties with columbina,, i think pantalone helps reader adjust to present time as well, especially with it comes with money or the economy (if you ever ask him about it)

but oh.... to top it all off nicely, you gotta sneak in some subtle angst!!! smh... (im so proud of you tho!! like yasss sis feed me sad shit >:333) poor scara and reader :( i think they would've gotten along if reader wasn't dottore's lover n' scara wasn't dottore's experiment ,,,

ALL IN ALL. fuck you pookie im not excited for the next two parts (im kidding I AM IM JUST... NOT READY... pleas epost it next year so i'll be ready enough thank you /jjj) NO SERIOUSLY THIS TIME,, THIS WAS SOOO GOOOD and i love it so much, really popped off honestly (evil laughs because it's dottore)... like im soo happy to see how much you've grown esp thru writing !!!

have a good day pookie, im going back to my grave where i died for the next few days 💗💗

ALSO I WAS GONNA SEND IN ANOTHER DOTTORE IDEA but i fucking forgot again. FUCKS SAKE i hate not writing shit down...

POOKS DONT EVEN WORRY!! Just make sure to take care of yourself ok?? School can really be an ass i understand-

BUT OMG GRENFRG AHHH YOU'RE MAKING ME SMILE TOO MUCH POOKIE AHHWQ I'm so happy you liked it 🥺 BUT NGL I WANNA GIVE READER THE BIGGEST HUG TOO 😭 i put them through too much don't i 😭 dw they will be getting Dottore comfort next chapter!!

Bro i love writing Omega as a devious mf so much 😭 IM SO GLAD U LIKED THAT PART BC I WAS GIGGLING TO MYSELF ABT HOW THEY DGAF ABT THINGS BUT THEN SUDDENLY THEYRE INTERESTED WHEN UR A PART OF IT

AND YESSSS READER MAKING FRIENDS RAHHHH that part was probably really long for a Dottore fic but. i feel like having friends is so important and fragile reader really deserve some niceness in their lives 🥺 AND OMG NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT. Fragile reader would be freaking blown away from inflation. i don't know how prices were four hundred years ago but they would probably be shocked to their core when they see how much expensive things are now?? imagine fragile reader trying to stop Dottore from buying things for them because of how expensive things are now, and they're having flashbacks to being a broke Akademiya student 😭 And Dottore is just honestly finding it amusing to see you freak out and beg him to save his money (it's okay, he's a Harbinger he's loaded) (as long as he's not spending it on experiments)

BUT YEAH MAYBE IN AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE... reader and Scara could have been friends :( we'll never know... but yasss i will continue to feed you sad shit >:) hehe I CANT WAIT TO POST THE FINAL PART!! ngl the ending of the fic was like. the first thing i wrote for it because it hit me and i was like i CANT forget this. im telling you pookie its gonna be pretty juicy. BUT THANK YOU YOU'RE BEING SO KIND AHHH it's really sweet of you. thank you for being here for so long in my writing journey (and my descent into Dottore madness) ily 🥺

[happytaffeta]

Not going to reblog the post because I respect and agree with the op and I don't wanna write a fucking essay about my feelings on their post, but I finally stumbled across a photo of the calf and I haven't had a great afternoon, and i haven't had a great week. So uh. Here's your warning: Animal husbandry is important to me. I grew up in a rural area and I, and every kid I knew, and all my neighbors, kept various animals and a lot of them were livestock. I never kept cattle but I knew kids who did. I am going to be sad and angry below the cut, and I'm putting it below a cut because it's gonna be a bit long and maybe not super articulate, and definitely not always as kind as I maybe could be. I don't expect to change the minds of people who think that what's happening to that poor thing is okay. But I need to get some thoughts out.

I kept rabbits, goats, chickens. Mom had(still has) horses. we had cats and dogs and occasionally would capture reptiles and amphibians, look at them for a bit in a secure container, and then release them in a safer location where they wouldn't get hit by a tire or spotted as easily by the dog, or my kid brother(gentle, but young, so both clumsy and curious) or the rowdy neighbor boys(less gentle, just as young). You breed livestock, even on a small, 4-H kid, backyard scale, you end up on a first name basis with death. Wildlife happens. Sometimes there's a nasty outbreak of something and it hits half your flock. Sometimes there's stress from a hot summer day or general social group aggression. There are ways to avoid a lot of things but when you're a first time keeper of a given animal type trying to start a little show flock, or a nice little herd for your project book, no matter how much you read up first, there are things you learn by running up against the reaper. Some eggs never hatch. Some kids are stillborn. A first time mother gives birth on the wire instead of in the nest box. Now and then there's an invisible but fatal physical defect that kills a critter later. My first doe kid died a week and a half after I brought her home, heart defect. No one knew. She was weaned and everything, cause I didn't bring her home until after she was full time eating solid food.

This calf is not going to be okay, ever. This is a blue eyed white foal kind of situation, except those are pretty avoidable for the most part. You cannot save these babies, and trying only adds more pain to an inevitably early death. Trying makes you into the monster, it makes you be the one causing pain. This is an infant who is never going to be able to understand why the world consists of suffering, and there is no way for us to explain it, and there is no way to make it stop that is not death. This isn't a life to save. This is not someone who can consent to life-extending medical intervention. This is a creature who needs as gentle and quick a farewell as we have the power to give. Please don't do things like this. Please don't make us into monsters. Please, let the suffering baby beasties go.

[wack-ashimself]

Liking the first season of 'Torchwood' BUT...

See, I knew of the show 10 years ago. Watched some of it. Hated it. Forgot about it. But was watching like top 10 most shocking tv deaths (or something like that) and they had season 4 (did NOT know they had that many) of 'Torchwood' on there, saying how the latter two seasons were SOLID AF compared to the first 2 seasons.

And I am getting into it. On the 1st season finale. But I gotta say this show has so many plot holes (record setting for just 1 fucking season), and characters who make the wrong call EVERY TIME, you wonder...who am I supposed to cheer for? Cuz, by the numbers, Torchwood has hurt far more than it helped so far.

The lead-she cheated on her boyfriend (with EASE. It felt weird how easy it was for her being in a committed relationship), drugged him, erased his memory, lied to him, and then (Spoilers) got him killed. Also thru negligence, released an alien that killed a BUNCH of dudes.

The butler-he literally chanced cyber men taking over the world, and got an innocent genius doctor killed, cuz he was too much of a COWARD to let his clearly dying gf go.

Tech lady-She reads everyone's deepest darkest thoughts, then got mad when Jack sent an alien who had been murdering for centuries into the sun. She's not bad, per say, more...neutral. She's harmed the least, for sure. That's such a low bar, tho...

Captain Jack-The original reason I watched the show. I LOVED his character on Dr Who. But...this is not him. Not the same guy. Not the free spirited, happy, goofy, witty, always ready, near-god. No. This is an immortal having a mid mid mid life crisis cuz he's lived so long and WANTS to die. Seriously, cuz of his shit, and the lead's, this is like a partial drama. I will say, tho, he has had to make some TOUGH calls which did not make him well liked, but I respected him cuz you knew, deep down, it had to be done, and no one else was gonna do it*.

The doctor-In the finale I am on, he was fired. And I hope his character dies. I fucking hate him. I hate his face, his voice, his actions, his brain; everything. He convinces the noobie to cheat with him, after he basically mouth rapes her. He's angry ALL the time, yells at people thinking he's a genius when he's like the 3rd smartest. He 'falls in love' with a women, tries to demand her to stay, and gets all pity party after ONE WEEK WITH HER. Can you fall madly in love in a week? Sure. But suicidal and a threat to others cuz 'you're sad'? Go fuck yourself, you bitch. Oh, and he basically openly chooses to chance ending the world NOT because he wants to save his team mates (tho he claims that) but because he's tired of being a bitch to the time tear (or whatever the fuck they call it).

So...WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU CHEERING FOR? Jack is the only semi cool character, and he's still kinda an ass. They're ALL kinda...selfish, short sighted, fuckers.

But I will finish this series. Because, storywise, the themes and plots they got going, are HIGHLY original and almost always have 1-3 good twists I don't see coming. You don't understand: I have been exposed to so much media, I can predict most things I see within a short period of time (even whole movies from trailers). I'm SO good (or writing is THAT predictable) I actually can, based on context, guess, WORD FOR WORD some lines. Sometimes in real time. Not usually. But not too far off, either.

*I will say, the call the writers/show/characters are supposed to hate was Jack giving the child to the faeries. NO. GREAT call. Best call you could make. Every other call would have sucked. See-the girl was fucking evil. Sociopath. Straight up. Like the faeries. She hated everyone. Talked to no one, but the faeries. She was borderline evil. And the faeries straight up said if you don't give us the kid, we will kill en mass, starting with HER ENTIRE SCHOOL. And the girl WANTED to go. So...where's the problem giving up the kid? Her mom's sad? Who gives a shit. You just saved TONS of lives, an evil fucking kid is gone, and the fairies disappeared. Only one who really lose was the mom. Her long time boyfriend (he was an ass) and her kid: BOTH GONE, SAME DAY. That is cruel, but long run, genuinely, it's even best for her. Her boyfriend was abusing her kid behind her back, and her kid was cheering on the torture of kids. It's a win-win-win. Fuck you for trying to make me feel bad for him giving up the kid. She wanted to go, and I wanted her to go. Fuck her.

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Umm, do you have any headcanon on how Isaac Alesia, Jadu or Lance, or any bachelor/ettes from SVE or RSV, if they found a lost child? How do you think they would handle the situation? Honestly, I'd ask a lot of Isaac headcanons from you (because I need some and you always have the most interesting headcanons for him! And I love that a lot!! ♥︎), but I don't want to end up being an Isaac simp 😂 (or maybe I already am his simp lol)

This is hard, haha XD

First of all, thank you 🫶🫶🫶

Second of all, don't deny it, dear anon. Sooner or later, we'll all be Isaac's simps. Just like with Lance, you just have to give up 😅 I will make headcanons about three characters, because writing turned out to be much longer than I originally planned. Sweet Jesus, it's like a whole fanfic. If you like it and want to continue with other characters, feel free to ask again, I have so much with this ask ❤️

⚠️Warning: Mention of death, blood (this is all in Isaac's HC, so I warn you, it may be unpleasant for someone to read).

--------------------------------------------------

Isaac:

Maybe on first impression Isaac will show himself as a person who is not too tolerant of people, but he is the leader of the rescue expedition in Crimson Baldlans. A seasoned adventurer is constantly angry when he is given the next task to save a lost group of people or an entire caravan in the cursed sands. But he is angry not at the work itself, but at stupid and careless people who, because of their own greed or stupidity, lead not only themselves to certain death, but also others, sometimes their own family. Even an experienced monster hunter can hardly cope with corrupt mummies and slimes, then what can we say for ordinary merchants!

So, Isaac and two wizards went to Crimson Baldlans in search of the missing group. The magic signal for help was short-lived, but Camilla caught it somewhere to the west of the main entrance to Castle Village. Although the sandstorm was merciless, even this did not have time to cover up fresh traces of blood. Just a kilometer away, Isaac discovered bloody corpses: two young men, one middle-aged man (most likely the same unfortunate guide) and a young woman. The scarred adventurer had accumulated a couple of impolite words about them all, but he still decided that either good things were said about the dead or nothing. Therefore, he and his colleagues approached the bodies in order to move them to the village, identify them and bury them properly. What was Isaac's surprise when he found a child under the mother's body. And kid is alive! The little boy's tear-stained eyes looked at the adventurer with no less surprise, but he didn't make a sound. Apparently, this saved the life of the child, since the monsters simply did not notice him. Isaac shouted in the direction of two magicians to teleport the corpses, while he took the boy in his arms. A thin, quiet, frightened, but almost completely fine and lively child, he looks like a 4 or 5 year old...

Camilla, learning about what had happened, was terribly out of sorts. She didn’t even joke in her usual manner - she was so struck by this tragedy. While she was figuring out the details of what happened and who these people were, the child who was the only survivor was already snoring softly in Isaac's arms. The poor child fell asleep after the shock, and Isaac behaved very carefully, as if he was holding a crystal vase in his hands. He... was sad that the boy became a victim of careless adults (as it turned out, his parents and relatives, whom he now lost). Isaac didn't let anyone close to him and the baby for a meter, and asked Camilla where Sabrina, their local doctor, was now, so that she could examine the boy. The witch of the Castle Village just smiled softly and said where their healer was now.

Jadu:

In general, Jadu was a very rare visitor to Magnus's tower, but sometimes some issues required the personal presence of a wizard or adventurer. It's not that Jadu isn't happy with his colleagues, it's just that he still has a lot of work waiting for him in Castle Village, and he is in another part of the world, listening to Magnus' angry comments towards the amused Camilla (Jadu could guess this, because their meetings sooner or later move into the mainstream a la "Camilla's Entertainment"). Therefore, the young wizard went out into the fresh air when Magnus announced a short break. The rustling golden fallen leaves, the smell of mushrooms and wood, small squirrels and chipmunks hurrying to collect nuts before hibernation - it's so... memorizing. Time in Castle Village felt different, and even the evergreen part of the village could not convey the unusual beauty of the autumn forest. The people of Stardew Valley are very lucky to live in this place...

But Jadu's dreamy thoughts were interrupted by a child's cry somewhere in the depths of the forest. Curiosity got the better of him, and young Jadu went to investigate the source of the sound. Before the wizard had gone far into the forest, two small figures bumped into his legs, scattering a basket of nuts and a plucked clover, and knocking Jadu down. Jas and Vincent, too, at first did not understand who they crashed into, but behind the three of them a creature began to make sounds, from which the children ran away. A huge capercaillie, having lost fear and vigilance during the mating season, took the children as rivals, and began to pursue them furiously. As soon as the bird wanted to give a beating to all three lying people, Jadu quickly cast a spell in a unknown language, and the impudent bird ran away, hiding among the trees. Vincent, forgetting about the danger, began to ask "man in a funny hat" about this spell (" You can do magic!? Sooo cool!"). Jas told Jadu that they went into the forest (a little further from their home than usual) to collect the gifts of nature and surprise Miss Penny. But the bird noticed the children and began to drive even further into the forest where they lost theirs way, until they met Jadu.

The young wizard sighed tiredly and led the kids out of the thicket of the forest to the Magnus' tower, where the inhabitant of the tower himself was standing along with Camilla and a worried Penny. The young teacher immediately rushed to the children, listened to their and Jadu's story, thanked the young and brave man and left with two children in the direction of Pelican Town.

Jadu felt warm at the young (and attractive) teacher's praise. And, besides that, grateful Jas and Vincent left him some collected nuts and clover as a token of gratitude. Well, maybe meetings in Stardew Valley aren't so bad after all, and even Camilla with her biting comments won't ruin Jadu's day.

Jio:

Like in Pelican Town, tourists in Ridgeside Village is a fairly common sight, as village on the side of the ridge (Lenny is still thinking about the slogan, don't judge too harshly) has many things that attract a lot of people from big cities. And of course, many come with their families in order to arrange a family vacation. Sometimes the influx of tourists can be so large that half a minute is enough for a distracted parent to lose sight of their hyperactive child.

There was a similar case when one girl, who was chasing a beautiful butterfly and not noticing anything around, ended up in the Ridge Forest. The poor girl realized what a dangerous place she was in when she heard a bone-chilling howl from a ghost, a lost wandering soul. But before the ghost had time to fly up and harm the child, the evil spirit was dissolved in the air from one swing of the sword. The frightened girl saw a figure in front of her, whose body was shrouded in light smoke, and whose face was wrapped in a red scarf, only eyes and brown hair were visible. The figure looked at the child, who was about to cry. Jio sighed wearily.

"Children don't belong here, it's a dangerous place full of monsters. You could die." But the pointed-eared ninja stop lecture the girl, realizing that she was now too scared to listen to his words. "Hold my hand, I'll take you to your parents."

The girl hesitated for a moment, but still squeezed Jio's hand, and in the blink of an eye, she teleported near the Heaps store. Jio, however, was nowhere to be found. But the worried parents of the girl and Lenny appeared in the field of view. Lewis's sister, having learned about the missing girl, already wanted to call the locals for searching lost child, but breathed a sigh of relief when the parents saw their beloved daughter, hugged and kissed their little treasure. The girl was a little shocked, so she didn't tell right away about the stranger who saved her.

And Jio, meanwhile, was sitting on the roof of the Ridgeside Village Office, watching the family reunion for a little longer, sighed in relief and disappeared into the air. In the depths of his soul, he is very glad that he managed to save this child, because sometimes, such stories don't always have a happy ending...

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hey, Ralph.

I don’t know how to word this, but do you have any tips for learning to enjoy life again? I’m 24. Just graduated a couple months ago with a Masters. I feel stuck in my current job—not really liking the work anymore, not feeling fulfilled, not making a lot of money, not clicking with my boss. I do what my boss asks but I don’t feel supported by him and don’t see him as someone I can go to if I have a question or need help, which slows down my work. I also feel so much pressure from my parents to do well in my career. My relationship with my dad consists only of talk about my career/money and how I’m not where I need to be in life. He hates that I didn’t major/work in a STEM field or do business.

I don’t really have any interests either. I mean, I feel so burnt out from my education that I can’t even enjoy the things I used to anymore. I went straight from undergrad to masters and feel really burnt out from that. I used to love reading and writing but I can’t enjoy it without feeling like it’s an assignment. But I also find it hard to commit to learning new things now that I don’t have deadlines or guidance on it. I don’t really do much when I’m not working. And I find myself being more and more envious of friends who are having new experiences, getting prestigious jobs, and doing things I’m still afraid to do.

I hate living at home with my family and I fell into a really serious depression when I had to move home from campus at the start of the pandemic. Even though I’m an adult there are rules I have to follow. I can’t really go out or drink, and it’s pretty traditional for the whole family to live together so I feel like I’ll never be able to move out, even if I could afford it (which I’m not quite able to do yet). There’s no privacy and no peace. We can’t even get along yet no one can just move out. I feel so fucking suffocated sometimes.

I’m terrified of driving even though I have my license. I have serious social anxiety and only one friend. I find it hard to stick up for myself and am often seen as weak. I struggle to stay consistent in my search for a new job just because I’m terrified of rejection and of the interview process. I’ll start and stop but can just never stay committed. So I’m stuck.

I was in therapy but now that I graduated I no longer qualify for reduced price sessions. I also am not sure how much it really helped, but I guess I felt better when I had then vs not having them now.

Objectively, things aren’t that bad. I still have a job and savings and have somewhere to live and find joy in little things, like new music. And I’m so lucky to have a sister that is comfortable driving and takes me where I need to go. I also dream about a better life, and that makes me happy momentarily but that ends up making me sad when I begin to think how far away (or even impossible) that is for me. Seriously wishing I was a kid again.

I know you don’t know me and wouldn’t be able to fix/solve anything even if you did, but do you have any words of wisdom you can share for how to navigate tough times?

Oh anon - I'm sending you so much love. I'm sorry that you're . I'm particularly sorry about your Dad and your living situation - that is really hard.

What worries me about offering advice is it seems like your brain is using anything you could do to make your life better as something that you're failing at.

So my first bit of advice - is understand that the voice in your brain is not always telling you the truth.

For example, your brain seems to be telling you that you can only find a job if you commit to the process. That's not true. You don't have to stay committed to a job hunt to find a new job. A job hunt is much more like a lottery, than building up a particular muscle. Each application that you put in is a chance. The fact that you've put in 10 applications doesn't improve your chances on the 11th (guess how I know?). Every new job application is a new chance.

Unfortunately you can't know when the winning ticket will come up and rejection from jobs is horrific (or at least I've always found it so). Do what you can - don't set impossible standards.

Reading this - it seems to me that you're doing really well in difficult circumstances. Can you start by acknowledging that?

**********

One of the questions I have is - how much is a problem is it that you can't drive? It will really depend on where you live. In some places you can do what you fundamentally need - to do whether or not you can drive. In other places, driving is essential for independence and ability to do things. Even when it's perfectly possible to navigate the world without a car - driving can still feel like something you should be able to do. Can you unpack those feelings? Are there options to get where you want to go besides driving? In which case who cares if you can drive?

In terms of not feeling overwhelmed. I think it'd be good to consciously pick some aspects of your life that you're not working on. You can't find a new job, plan to move out, figure out how your driving anxiety and you driving can coexist and find a free therapist all at once. Start gentle. Aim to do one of those, sometimes, but make sure you don't do any of it at least one weekend a month.

It doesn't matter which one you pick - it really doesn't. It's the act of consciously not doing the others that matters.

**********

Another thing you could do is do things that are easy and do them badly. You say that you don't have the energy to learn new things. You seem to have a lot of gremlins in your brain that says you must be good at things for them to be worthwhile (not your fault).

I've done some drawing over the last few years - I'm definitely can't draw - I just do it sometimes and I feel my brain go 'I like this form of stimulation'. Or maybe buy a cheap craft kit aimed at children so you can make something (I've recently borrowed some lego off family members with children and made it and found that very satisfying). Don't push this - don't do things because you should - but think about doing something playful (google artists dates for other ideas)

*********

Finally, and this is my most concrete bit of advice - don't try to make friends - just try to do things with other people. Thinking about 'making friends' is to set yourself a task that you can't control. Make the thing you're trying to do as easy and achievable as possible.

For human contact when you're feeling isolated - the easiest thing is to go along to something that is already happening and happening regularly. This could be a class (anything that takes your fancy - as long as you won't try and be good at it), something that has some kind of purpose (plant trees or overthrow the government), or events like board game evenings. If you do something with other people regularly that will help your brain. You might make friends, or you might not, but adding things to your life (as an experiment - you don't have to stick at things you don't enjoy) is your best chance to find some joy.

*******

Some further advice that might help.

I recommend Captain Awkward - who has good advice about on what to do when it feels impossible to leave home and how to find people.

I also think Oliver Burkeman can be really good for burned out people who still want to make their life better.

Finally - it is really hard navigating this world. You are doing really well.

[lennjamin-o7]

Techno: "Huh, I couldve sworn I saw movement inside the palanquin" Phil, inside said palanquin: writing little notes on everything someone does that he doesnt like in his diary kicking his feet like a schoolgirl Phil: "Revenge and a sonboy?? What else could a man want! Truly I have the most perfect wife <3"

All the other notes in his diary are just P+ K in a big heart. On literally every page.

Schlatt: Doing his damndest to make a good impression on Techno Techno: "Kinda weird dude but he seems ok" Schlatt internally: If I dont become besties with this fucking kid by the end of the day I'm gonna lose my job; I am SO fucking behind on my magic taxes!

Schlatt: trying to bond a bit with the new sonboy of the fae realm Mielle: Ah yes, this is all about ME Schlatt: "Bro I'm trying to build business connection here! Leave me alone so I can SCHMOOZE!!"

Schlatt: "I don't think your pops would like me giving you food, he'd probably kill me about it actually" Techno: "the king can kill fae?? He never mentioned that before! That wouldve saved us this whole trip" Schlatt: "Oh they're going down the 'surprise adoption' route huh. Don't worry about it then princeling!"

Schlatt: "Wait you genuinely don't know who the fae you made that deal with actually is??" The royals: "Nope? Why would that be important??" Schlatt: "You know what? Not my business. I'm just here to do the bare minimum and network with the newest sonboy of the realm. Not educate dumbass humans."

Schlatt looking at the palanquin: "What kind of ASSHOLE would leave their sonboy alone all sad? God that's such a DICK MOVE isn't it little princeling?? Wouldn't wanna get adopted by that guy!" Phil, scowling from inside: This feels a bit personal

Phil: makes magic plant to shade his sonboy from the sun and heat Felix: leans closer to techno so he can have some shade too Phil: thin ice but I guess its ok Mielle: steals techno's seat and makes him sit in the shit area she was sitting in Phil: absolutely fucking not. eat shit and die.

Mielle: openly talks shit about who's about to be the prince of all fae Fundy who just wanted to see the sonboy: Bro i gotta fucking haul ass if I wanna live to see another day Puffy who needed to vibe check Mielle: The vibes? Rancid. I hope you have an AWFUL day. Matter of fact? I HOPE the queen kicks your ass. You deserve it.

Phil: They hurt our sonboys feelings! They made him so sad!! Kristin: aww poor baby :( I'm gonna rip them to fucking shreds <3

Queen Chesil: where the fuck has my son gone he ran off but now we cant find him holy shit this is bad Phil: Just turned my new son into a fae!! Might fuck around and get some more revenge later <33

Techno: "I wanna go back to my old family! I love them all!!" Kristin: "Oh yeah? Name one good thing about Mielle. Quickly." Techno: Techno: Techno: "That was so unfair and you know it" Kristin: "You'll get over it. Now how about some cookies? You're far too skinny!"

The royals: "thank god the queen was willing to hear about our deal. Now we dont have to worry about that fae yoinking our second child!" Phil, pulling the old switcharoo: yoinks their third child The royals: surprised pikachu face

The royals when court is back in session: "Where the fuck is our youngest prince what did you do" Kristin: "Yeah about that… you lost the custody battle on that one and since he's technically not inside your deal you cant do anything about it" :) The royals: "Surely there's some way we can bargain him back?? This isn't fair at all!" Kristin: "Ohh well the thing with that is we've kinda sorta already adopted him and turned him into a fae? Yeahh maybe you shoulve been a bit more attentive if you didnt want the boy to get snatched! We got his name fair and square too. No wiggle room at all on your end!! The royals: "Thats literally so unfair??" Kistin:"Have you maybe considered the fact that I literally dont care?? We're kinda fucking famous of stealing kids. Now shoo so I can have more sonboy time!"

Phil would do something like that. If anyone asks, he would call it a travel journal, but its just filled with vendettas and mushy doodles of Kristin. Little hardcore hearts drawn throughout.

Magic taxes asdfghjkll Yeah he would be. Fuck the magic IRS, he's from Magic New York.

Schlatt is there to do his job and insult mortals, and he's already done his job. And that insult thrown at Philza was INCREDIBLY directed. Phil was scowling the entire time. Very unhappy. Stay away from his new son.

Oh yeah, Phil didn't LIKE Felix trying to share the shade, but it was fine. Techno looked thrilled with his brother curled next to him. Can't be too mad.

Not eat shit and die, SMELL shit and die. Stinky plant for stinky children. Send a nice breeze so Techno doesn't have to smell it.

Fundy was not about to get merked because a bratty girl decided to try and one-up the kid literally wearing Philza's jewelry. He had a life to live.

All of your impressions are KILLING ME. Every single one of them. I am dead. Sorry guys, can't update the last chapter because this ask killed me via my funny bone /j.

There is a no refund policy in Kristin's court. Finders keepers. :P

[verybadatcardgames]

Sightshipping for 001?

Also answering for @over-roaming-waves, who was curious.

Sightshipping

when I started shipping it: Back in 2017, I started drafting a fic about their adventure in Egypt trying to hide the God Cards. It was really supposed to be a drama/humor fic about Isis having a constant headache and finding Pegasus to be an annoyance (because I personally found Pegasus to be an annoying character at the time), but as I kept writing, I really fell in love with both of the characters and imagining how their personalities would clash and complement one another

The adventure fic was up for a while, but I yanked it offline not long ago. The story is undergoing revisions and I want to redo it as a comic because I'm a masochist

my thoughts: Do you like to read novels?

I have so many thoughts, but for the sake of the ask, I will try to keep it short.

I really like the idea of them being so set in their plans pre-series and not really being amicable at the start, the both of them so committed to their pasts and their Items that it blinds them from seeing any alternatives from their personal life scripts. Then both their plans go up in flames (Pegasus loses Duelist Kingdom and Seto shows Isis the grim fate she believed in is not infallible), they both lose their Items, and with Atem crossing into the Afterlife, they're no longer tied into the Great Game. So now they have this freedom to explore the future and what the world has to offer, but there's also uncertainty and powerlessness in not being able to foresee what is coming, not knowing what other people are thinking, and not knowing what to do next.

And somewhere in there, I like imagining them going from business acquaintances to friends to lovers.

(also my constant daydream about Isis wanting to confess to Pegasus that she foresaw him getting the Eye ripped out of his head but didn't say anything back then because she didn't believe she could alter destiny with a warning but uh oh-oh no Seto proved you can change the future so she feels like utter crap that Pegasus nearly died and fears he won't want to talk to her again and the looming sense of dread and judgment haunts her; she's so scared he's gonna kick her to the curb when he learns she could have saved him so much grief if she had just said something

and she's so absorbed in the guilt of her past inaction that she doesn't realize Pegasus can plainly see she's torturing herself with all these thoughts so he reaches out and touches her hand and

ok I'll shut up)

What makes me happy about them: The possibilities--in the anime timeline. They're both alive and there is a chance something could happen. Daydreams and headcanons abound

What makes me sad about them: They stand in a room staring at each other for less than 10 seconds in the anime. Isis talks about wanting to "fulfill his wishes" offhandedly in the manga (by getting the God Cards back from her brother). The most dialogue we see exchanged between the two of them is in a GBA game

MY CROPS ARE THIRSTY AND I AM KEEPING THEM ALIVE WITH A NOVELTY SHOT GLASS

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Oh

Oh honey

There is not enough fanfic of this rarepair for that to be a thing

things I look for in fanfic: I dunno I have to look at my WIP folder

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Isis with her job and intermittent dates with Aileen Rao; Pegasus sober with his art supplies and comics

My happily ever after for them: Married with 5 kids but one of them is a daughter biologically fathered by Seto Kaiba after Isis and Pegasus have a heated threesome with him in Marrakesh. Isis and Pegasus know the kid is Seto's, but they don't tell him because it would make things complicated, but Seto does eventually find out at his daughter's 13th birthday party. Seto punches Pegasus in the face and tells him he isn't surprised Pegasus could be that cruel but he can't believe Isis hid the truth from him, which leads to Isis' oldest daughter resenting her because she believes she was the product of an affair, even though she wasn't, but the fine details were not disclosed as Isis thinks the news that Pegasus isn't her biological father was already traumatic enough and she felt it wasn't appropriate to tell her teenage daughter she was conceived during a passionate threesome

Like it all works out in the end when all their kids are adults with their own lives and it gets better after a lot of shit hits the fan but that's my future/next gen "happily ever after" headcanon

who is the big spoon/little spoon: It switches, but I'd say Pegasus is the big spoon 70% of the time. He likes to hug Isis to his chest and doesn't want to let go because she is warm and comfy

And he has PTSD related to this

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Morning, afternoon, and evening tea time--and movie night.

[incomingalbatross]

I wanted to do something with "Faithful John" for the Four Loves @inklings-challenge event, but I didn't carve the time out to figure out what exactly I was doing. So I just keep...revolving the story in my head.

It's the ENDING I want to do something with. Because the ending is Weird in that fairy-tale way you instinctively want to smooth the edges off of, make Acceptable somehow, but also as soon as you do that you diminish what makes it compelling?? And I haven't reconciled all those factors in my head yet but I don't want to just erase the part I'm interested in.

You see:

Once there was a prince who fell in love with an ambiguously-cursed princess and brought her home. His faithful servant (charged by the king on his deathbed to look after the prince, all of which happened immediately before the prince found out this princess existed) ends up saving both prince and princess from the manifestations of the curse and making the wedding go forward. Due to complicated circumstances (not least the prince's failure to fully trust his servant), said servant ends up turned to solid stone. This is very sad. The prince (now king) keeps the statue in the palace. He and his now-not-cursed wife live their lives and have two little boys.

One day, while the wife is at church and the two boys are playing near the statue, the now-king sits in front of it and sighs "Oh Faithful John, I wish there was some way to bring you back!"

And then the statue answers. And it says good news, there is... but bad news, the way in question is for the king to kill his little boys and sprinkle their blood on the statue.

The king's response is "Oh no. OH NO." But he owes Faithful John his wife's life, and he's basically responsible for the statue thing through not listening to Faithful John last time, so he OWES him.

So, and this is the decision I keep thinking about trying to write, he DOES IT.

And in the way of fairy tales, of course, not only does Faithful John come back to life, but as soon as he's restored the two little princes also jump up, fine as ever. There is much rejoicing.

...But lest you try to push the filicide under the rug in your mind, then the queen comes home, and the king decides he wants an unbiased opinion from her on this, so he hides the kids and Faithful John and says "hey, you know Faithful John?"

And she says "of course, I was actually thinking about him the whole time I was praying at church, wishing there was something we could do to save him." (This is a FASCINATING hook to casually throw in, by the way. The story is LITERALLY implying this episode was a miracle spurred by her prayers. Kinda love that, honestly!)

The king says, "Well! I just learned we can bring him back, but we have to sacrifice our children's lives for his."

And, like the king, her response is "oh no. OH NO," because she also knows they owe their servant everything, and she concludes that they have an obligation to go through with this.

At which the king rejoices, because she came through, and he throws open the closet door and their sons and Faithful John come tumbling out, and all is revealed. And then they live happily ever after.

I still haven't decided what to do with this. Like, on the one hand, killing your children is BAD. Something that sounds like blood sacrifice is DOUBLE BAD. And no, this isn't exactly Abraham and Isaac, because Faithful John isn't God.

On the other hand, I love the gesture of total sacrifice. I love that this whole story revolves around the love of a servant, and I love the sense of honor and the idea of this overwhelming debt to be honored out of love (and trust, which there wasn't enough of the first time around)! I feel like this particular eucatastrophe needs some gesture of supreme sacrifice, bigger than the king giving his own life even, and the next generation being required to fix what went wrong with the first happy ending is very much my jam. I am also a sucker for characters giving "all that they are and all that they have" for someone or something else. And the implications of divine intervention to give them the chance to break this final curse...

There's a LOT of fodder for retelling in this one. I just... didn't quite get there.

[balkanradfem]

I stumbled on your post on Harry Potter. And I want to say thank you, bc you are first person to explain to me why I do not like Hermione and Ron pairing. Well, I read books when young and I mostly was swayed by other works I had atm. But Hermione and Ron story always made me sad for reasons I could not explain, but it just had this bitter 'this is life and you accept that it's not like you wanted' feel to it. I could it explain it as the common trope of smart and great girl getting average guy who likes her and being happy bc he treats her nice. Which is trope I dislike too. I am not into fandom enough to go back and read the books again, I just vaguely remember what I read, and you explained it well by saying that both Ron and Harry actually did not care for her for a long time. I at that time could not relate to her exactly bc her struggle was not shown. So I took her as a bit of ideal Mary Sue character, but when reading it as quite a kid then, I remember thinking all kinds of things like: Hermione is one of a king, I can't be that smart, I can't study that much bc I can't focus, my teeth are crooked and I can't fix them like her, so I will stay uggling forever, I will cry and wipe and be upset and have trauma and insomnia, I will never be as confident.. and so on. What I mean is, it seemed like she just had inborn talent, and while it's great, my self esteem was terrible (greatly bc I am 'ugly' type, not pretty type, even if I don't agree with those qualifications, it's what other people would qualify me). I remember often feeling the same about other books with main female characters, I just felt like I can't never aspire to be like them, first bc about my looks and I don't know how to fix them. And also in personality and strength, bc in story it was often that they were kinda cool and strong, and just could do things. And I never was that resourceful. Even with romance, heroine either needed to be pretty to be saved by prince, or very good at being social and healing people with their warmth, and I was bad at both. Can't really be warm and healing when you are traumatized potato. Well, that ended up really long, but I relate to your post a lot as also a kid who mostly was learning of word via reading. I used to like sci-fi, but I read both classics as well as modern, and a lot of those books were so degrading to their female characters, and I remember how I was sometimes devastated, but accepted it as some real world truth.

Thank you for writing this message to me! It means a lot for me to know that I helped something to click, and you're right about Hermione, and about how books shape our views that we're either 'pretty' in conventional sense, or we just don't get to be heroines, regardless of talents.

I can relate so much to wanting to be like Hermione! She was incredibly smart and brilliant and she was allowed to have bushy hair and crooked teeth and she was still so important and vital to the story. It's a bit sad that her features change with time and she too changes them for a special occasion. We could have done with a heroine that looks a bit messy but it doesn't matter because nothing would ever get done without her!

And it's true that for the rest of the trio, she was just a nuisance except when they needed her to fix their homework or just as someone to lash out on. Sadly I believe for Ron she was just turned into romantic interest because he felt kind of an ownership of her, he bullied her relentlessly and was a complete nightmare before figuring out how to manipulate her into a relationship. I believe if we had grown Hermione more, and she found out about feminism, she would have dumped him.

The books do damage our view of ourselves if we're not conventionally pretty, warm and healing, helpful and brilliant, and if we instead need attention and help to overcome our own struggles. But this is why we're real people, we're not made to tell a story with our life, we're here and we're alive, and I don't believe appearance directs the course of our life, or our value. I don't believe any bit of my life would be different if I looked prettier, there are circumstances in reality like class, environment, patriarchy, financial resources, upbringing, trauma, and they often set our life path more than appearance ever could. Media sells us the story that we too can become problem-free, and ImportantTM if we're pretty, and all our circumstances would change then, but they wouldn't. Pretty doesn't work to our benefit more than getting us certain kinds of attention and maybe a pass at few non-important issues (tho m*n get extremely jealous so they blow these issues up like it's the pinnacle of life to get a free pass sometimes, losers).

But I agree with your point. Our heroines should get to be messy and 'ugly' with all their features crooked and weird, and they should get to be traumatized and help no one else, but be helped, be important, be vital, get attention, and get love.

[jazzforthecaptain]

20 Fanfic Questions

Thanks to @merfilly for the tag!

How many works do you have on AO3?

126

What’s your total AO3 words count?

577,228

What fandoms do you write for?

Superwood (Supernatural/Torchwood crossover) is my biggest, followed by Supernatural, the Fast & Furious franchise, and Anne of Green Gables.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Down in Mexico (The Fast & The Furious)

Shine the Hood (The Fast & The Furious)

Rilla Blythe's Wedding: A Not Entirely Comprehensive Account (Anne of Green Gables)

Field Work (Supernatural)

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I love responding to comments. I don't get to it as often as I used to, but I really enjoy making a pot of tea and sitting down with my laptop to answer everything in my inbox. If you send me love, you will (eventually) get love back.

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ugh, Luminaria for sure, which I'm not linking because of some of the themes - you'll need to look that one up on your own and read ALL of the tags before proceeding. I didn't realize how hard of a time I'd have writing that one until I was in the middle of it, although I suppose I should have known considering I was finally going to touch the one hot point of Jack's sad history that I'd been avoiding. I think it was the first time I've ever written Ianto, really written him, and fuck, the PAIN.

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

As I'm going through my fics, like, fuck, do I write actual happy endings? Considering the characters I write, it's not super surprising. How about Adventures in Holiday Baking? Everyone's happy and they save the dragons with German pastries? Field Work ends pretty okay?

Do you get hate on fics?

Not really. I think that's the blessing of existing in semi-anonymity. I have some fics that have racked up some surprising kudos, but I write for niche ships and very dead fandoms. I get the occasional weird comment, but nothing I'd call hate.

Do you write smut. If so what kind?

Yes. I have a hard time writing explicit smut because several of the characters I write frequently really balk at using the typical jargon in their narratives, and I cannot write flowery purple prose anymore. It's easier to write smut from some characters' viewpoints than others. I've written mild kink and I enjoy writing characters in kinky scenes, but I don't think I'm very good at it.

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Aha. Ahaha. Ahahahahaha. *sob*

Angels in the Architecture. I took my most dearly beloved fandoms and I made a jello salad with them.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not really? I mean-- *gestures over shoulder at the restaurant alley dumpster full of raccoons* --who wants this?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've had some offers, which I accepted, but I have no idea if they were translated or not.

Have you ever cowritten a fic before?

Yes! Several times! I've gotten a little more withdrawn about collabs in my old age, but I've enjoyed the fics I've written with partners (and the Legendary One still sitting unfinished in my drive).

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Look at my icon. You see my icon? It's Them. They haunt me. They will not leave me alone. Writing this ship is a lonely, lonely existence. Send help.

What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I am the kind of author who abandons a fic for almost a decade and then finishes it in six months, so I'll never say never. Indecent Rhythm certainly haunts me. The problem with that fic is I feel like I'm too old, jaded and scarred to finish it with the optimism with which I started it. I have a feeling there are people now who read that when they were teenagers who have kids now, and have had their own imagined endings to it for years, and so maybe I should just let them be and have the endings that they wanted rather than whatever I could come up with.

What are your writing strengths?

Settings. I dig into settings and I love including local color. Some of the memorable details from fics (Down in Mexico specifically comes to mind) come from me doing a street view tour of a neighborhood, wandering around to see what a city I've never visited looks like from the sidewalk.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Plotting in general. I have scenes, sometimes loose what-ifs. Bringing a story from idea to satisfying finish is paralyzing and 90% of the reason I don't finish a fic. I enjoying writing. The planning is a bitch of a dissatisfactory situation.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If I have a good reason for it, I'll do it, but there are usually better ways to go about including other languages in fic. I've been learning Italian, however, and I've been itching to try writing drabbles in Italian.

First fandom you wrote for?

The Firebringer Trilogy, by Meredith Ann Pierce.

Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

It used to be Life Support, which is one of the fics I reread periodically and just kind of gape at myself because I forget I can write like that. But it's been upstaged by Out of the Empty, because that fic allowed me to incorporate all of the loopholes we got in the final season of Supernatural to scoop Castiel entirely out of the canonverse, to write Empty!Meg, and to write lovers meeting in dreams (more or less) before they meet in person, which is a favorite romance trope of mine. I worked a lot of my rage at the series out in that fic, and it's one of the few fics I can say I'm completely happy with.

Tagging: @naryrising @ladylilithprime @rodiniaorzetalthepenquin @awabubbles @merindab @avalonsilver

[kamorth]

I have had an epiphany.

Yesterday we were having a car conversation about Christians, specifically the difficulties in communicating annoyance at extremists while not throwing regular Christians under the bus. Obviously this ended up boiling down to "what are the differences between Christians who annoy me and Christians I get along with".

(I'm not writing that out every time so for the rest of this post amd only for the purposes of this post I am going to refer to People Who Believe In One God And Follow The Teachings Of Jesus Christ as oranges and People Who Claim To Do That But Are Utterly Horrible People Anyway as apples. Also before anyone jumps on that particular fruit cart, I'm not an atheist and this post has nothing whatsoever to do with whose religion is correct. It's about the behavior of a specific subset of a self identifying group of people. I'm specifically talking about Christian apples here but apples can be any flavour, atheist apples are also very common.)

I have a specific apple in my life who I really wish I didn't have to deal with. She is unavoidable as she's part of my kid's life and he's 19 so I can't make that decision for him. She is the absolute epitome of appleness. She cannot have a conversation with anyone without it either being about Jesus or why everything is their fault and we should all pray about it right now. If you try to change the subject to something more neutral (like the weather) she just gets this sad little condescending smile and starts acting like she's humoring a 3 year old. She makes herself weep in joy by singing hymns to herself when she thinks we think she thinks there's no one watching. If you have any experience with apples you have met someone who is trying to be this woman. She is going to be my case study.

Recently my kid graduated. He fought incredibly hard through mountains of shit ON TOP of being 16 when the pandemic started to get to that and I am supremely proud of him. She thought he could have done better but honestly I don't see how. There was no "better " to be done. He did the best, period. He had two graduation ceremonies, one for his school and one for local Indigenous students (there were 67 students from 3 schools at that ceremony and I cried the entire time Holy shit THAT was how you recognize effort and celebrate achievement it was just beautiful) and we attended both. During these ceremonies I glanced over at her occasionally - at first it was because she showed up late to the Big House and tried to make a scene when the ushers wouldn't walk her through the dancers to take her to her reserved front row seat and instead gave her a folding chair at the back - and I noticed something.

She never applauded. She never stood. She never engaged in any way. The only time she reacted positively to anything was when my kid, the student she was there for, had his name called. She tapped her wallet against her had three times (someone who had come with us saw that and mentioned it to me, I was too busy cheering and making my hands go red) and... that was it. She didn't even hang around to thank our hosts. At the second ceremony, the one at the school (still fun, but it didn't have the gravitas and meaning of the first one), she was more engaged but not by much. One of the teachers there is an orange and one of the kids thanked Jesus so I guess that counted for more in her eyes.

I thought about all the times I have bowed my head at a restaurant or her dinner table so someone can say grace, or kept my mouth shut while her husband gave the most offensive Christmas speeches (about saving brown heathen babies by bringing them to Jesus or how Jewish people are orange-hating gatekeepers for some examples) or gone to her church without saying what I really thought because it was a family thing and I was trying to be respectful and not cause strife.

And I realized that was it, that was the core of what irritates me so much. That utter lack of respect she has for other people's beliefs, opinions, or interests.

She expects a respect that she is not willing to give. You can't even EARN that respect from her because she thinks she is the only one who deserves it. We are so far beneath her that she can't even deign to clap for graduating students at a graduation ceremony, yet we are expected to actively practice her religious rituals whenever she is around. We are expected to forget our own rituals for the sake of hers in every single situation that she has an awareness of.

She will NEVER do that for us.

She can't even be respectful of a culture that her own specific sect of her religion is still actively trying to commit cultural genocide against while there is a national conversation about the 20,000 dead children that have been found so far as a result of that genocide.

She called the Indigenous Graduation ceremony "quaint". I was crying because a grandmother was dancing in full regalia and her face was a portrait of pure unbridled bliss that had been fought hard for and that grandmother knew how hard the fight had been because she had been on the front lines of it her entire life and her own survival to see this celebration of her culture was a bigger victory than any apple could ever understand. I have no idea how anyone could call that "quaint".

And I realized that that's the common thread with apples. Whatever they do that specifically annoys me, the core of it comes down to expecting a respect they have no intention of giving.

By comparison, most oranges never even bring up religion unless it's relevant to the conversation, and when they do they're normal about it. They show interest in the beliefs of others and don't immediately respond to things with "you know that will send you to hell right".

If you think you might be an apple, it's really easy to fix. Show others the respect you want shown to you. Don't assume that your way is the only correct way. Acknowledge that other people have as much right to their beliefs as you have to yours.

In other words:

Do unto others as you would have done to you.

[goodgrammaritan]

Gratitude Journal

So many nice things happened at work lately.

On Monday a woman came in on a mission from her boss to find "a dog toy that's a hedgehog that doesn't squeak but grunts." Most of our toys are squeakers, but we do have a pig that grunts, so I recommended that. The woman was texting her boss and asked "How do you spell oink?" and I rattled it off, and she said, "Look at you, you know that right off." And then while she was texting I spotted a hedgehog, and the label said, "Makes a fun noise!" and so I picked it up and showed her, and with breathless anticipation we squeezed it, and it grunted! The woman said, "No fucking way!" and so I grabbed the remaining toys and said, "Want to get all three?" (Her boss told her to get two.) Then she asked about various other products, and we had pretty much everything she wanted, and she was very grateful and said, "You've been so helpful, what's your name?" And we introduced ourselves. It was honestly really fun helping her. I love it when we have what people want. (Plus, it meant I wasn't doing cat food cans.)

Yesterday I complimented a woman on her rainbow mask and helped her carry a bag of dog food to her car, and she said, "Y'all are so awesome, as always! Merry Christmas, if you celebrate it!" I said, "You too, with the same caveats" and she laughed.

My coworker was ringing up a guy with a boxer puppy and she gave him some extra dog snacks, and he said, "Y'all are the best."

I was moderately helpful to a woman at the register, but apparently I made an impact, because she asked me to write down my name so she could write me a review or recommendation.

I noticed two women having a long conversation in one of the aisles, and when one of them came up to the register, she bought a gift card which she then immediately gave to the woman she'd been talking with. Apparently the second woman was having money troubles, and the first one just wanted to help her out. They hugged and the second woman was almost in tears.

Then, near the end of the day, I helped a woman get some broths off a high shelf, and she said she was buying for her daughter's cats and dog, and her daughter's boyfriend's cat, and she said, "I'm getting a lot, I won't be done until my receipt is longer than I am." (She told me she was 5'2".) I laughed and told her to have fun.

A bit later she came up to the register with a full cart and I got out my scanner, and she said, "Can you babysit my cart? I'm not done." I told her sure, and exchanged looks with Stephane, my favorite of the high schoolers who work with my. She suggested we team up when the lady was done.

Finally, fifteen minutes before my shift ended, the lady came back with a second overflowing cart, and went and got a third! Stephane's and my jaws dropped, but she was actually just getting the third cart to transfer scanned items into.

So we teamed up, me scanning and Stephane bagging between her other customers (and if you don't think bagging takes skill, you haven't met Stephane, who knows exactly how many cans can fit in a bag without it breaking), and then I got the woman's rewards number for in-store savings, and she got so much stuff that without any coupons, her savings was $196.00. Her total came to just over $1,300. She paid and before she left, she held up her receipt and sure enough, it was longer than 5 feet. "You thought I was kidding!" I helped her out to her car and she laughed and said, "Oh, I had fun." And I did too, honestly.

I went back inside and said, "Must be nice," and Stephane said, "I want to be her," and I said, "I want to be her grand-dog," and she laughed and sighed and said, "Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna get a present this year."

Which made me sad. So after I clocked out, I gestured to all the Christmas toys at the front and said, "Is there anything here you want for your dog?" She pointed out a toy and I bought it for her. She said I didn't have to do that, but I said, "I can, just pay it forward in 20 years when you can, too." Then I wished her a Merry Christmas because I won't see her again until the 27th, and headed home.

A good day.

12/21/22