#Which I still think is an absolute shit choice but you know... ~celebrity~

[technodromes]

I hate him, your honor

[thatonegayship]

What Bill wants for his big day:

So Bill doesn't have a birthday sure, but is there some sort of Bill Cipher Day? Demonic celebration?

..and if so, does dip know?

Oh man, there probably is! Bill's absolutely the kind of guy to have a whole Day Of Celebration devoted to himself. Likely it's not on any sort of earthly calendar basis, too, so it'll come up at some time when Dipper least expects it.

Because, c'mon. Bill's fantastically knowledgeable - but he's absolute shit at filling Dipper in on important information beforehand.

[mrs-monaghan]

https://x.com/spideyskm/status/1829087580001890356

all joker clowns thinks the same isn’t it ? 😭 I think the same too. And like they did with ms announcement in Jeju they’ll say it like it’s a normal Tuesday for them…

I’m waiting for that day so I can distribute sweets on my neighborhood 🤡🙌🏻

I honestly couldn't tell if you're hating or not, which is why I'm replying to this. I'm so confused 😂 i mean, u said clowns so ig you're an anti? I decided not to be replying to antis anymore but I'm not sure what you are so....

Yes.

This is exactly what is going to happen. They've done it before. They lived together for years and didn't bother to hide it. And yet people still called them bros. So yeah, they will do it again after MS and you will still be here idiotically laughing coz "they said it like it was a normal Tuesday."

Maybe they said it so casually because it was??? I'm sure when they first heard about it they cried and celebrated and had one of the happiest fucks of their lives. It was already in their system by the time they were discussing it on the show so yeah, they talked about it like it was no big deal. Because the big deal reaction had already happened in private with eo and their loved ones. We weren't privy to that and thats okay.

I will dumb it down for ya and give you an example. When I got married, for the next two weeks I was like "I'M MARRIED!?!?!?!" 🥰😄🥳😭😃😁👏🏽☺🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️🤸🏽‍♀️ Then after a month I was like "I'm married" ☺🥰😁

3 months in, while I'm still super happy to be married, I dont say it all cheery and loud and stuff. Its just like, "yeah, I'm married." 🤷🏽‍♀️😁

Sometimes its easier to give y'all the most simplest answer because you just can't think for yourselves. 🤧

In the words of Monk; here's what happened:

Military enlistment is mandatory. Inevitable. Its something that was always going to happen no matter what. Jikook knew this... had accepted this... were prepared for this. They'd have to go almost 2 years without seeing eo... (if their breaks didn't allign) without spending quality time together. They were aware of this and had accepted it. It was unfortunate... and sad... but it was the reality and there was nothing they could do about it.

But then... BUT THENNNN there was talk about exemption and oh shit! There was hope.

That maybe... just maybe, BTS would be exempted and they wouldn't have to do this thing that they really didn't wanna do. That Jikook wouldn't have to be separated at all like they'd thought all these years. Like they'd mentally prepared for. They didn't want to... but they are only human and so they allowed themselves to hope.

.

.

Unfortunately, that did not end up happening and so they had to proceed as planned and serve just like everyone else. But here's the thing, hope had occurred. Hope is awful. Just awful. Because now Jikook had to accept reality all over again.

But you know what? They tried. They did their best. They accepted it was happening. For 18 months, they would serve separately, it would soon be over and they would be reunited. It wouldn't be easy, but they didn't have a choice.

But here's the thing, that ugly thing, hope? JK had felt it and now he couldn't... he couldn't. He just, simply, couldn't. The idea of going without Jimin for 2 years was just too much. He can't even go without Jimin for a day how was he going to do that for almost 2 freaking years??? It just... it wasn't... no. Just, no. Absolutely fucking not.

Jimin saw this and couldn't let his Jungkook go on like this. There is nothing he hates more in this world than to see JK unhappy and thus the idea of enlisting together was born.

But- but- they knew better this time than to hope. They couldn't. They couldn't hope. Not just yet.

(Thanks @chicknbunny13 😘 )

(JK didn't need reminding they were enlisting. If this was in Jeju where they already knew their request had been approved, JK wouldn't have playfully swatted at Jimin 😂) imo anyway.

Where were we? Right. Hope was threatening to rear its ugly head but they weren't gonna do it. Not this time. So months go by... fingers crossed until they finally get the good news!!!

They were ecstatic, of course. Over the fucking moon. And this part you Jikook anti anon and all of us didn't get to see it. We didn't see them get the good news. We didn't see them cry in happiness. We didn't see them tell the members and their families. We didn't see the celebratory love making 😔😪 we missed all of it. But guess what? It happened.

And they talked about it many times after that. And we just so happened to catch one of the times they talked about it casually on camera. It seems to me like you expected them to make a big deal about it. But your dumb ass didn't stop to wonder why they would when they'd already known about it before hand???

Sit down anon. Stupidity doesn't look good on anyone.

[milogreer]

so uhh this is gonna be scatterbrained. but i'm gonna ramble about milo and (what little info we have on) colm. sorry in advance if it doesn’t make sense i just had to exorcise this demon 🫡

i believe "camping with your alpha boyfriend (2021)" is the earliest mention of colm in an audio. obviously we don't actually know milo's side of things because it's told from david's POV, but we still get the mental image of little thirteen year old milo sitting shotgun in his dad's pickup as they drive to their camping spot. gabe's goofing around in the truck bed to make david and asher laugh, and colm joins in the fun by swerving the truck to mess with gabe. very basic dad thing to do, my dad's done the exact same thing to me and my siblings. it feels familiar and silly, and david frames it as a good memory, so it feels like a good memory. which is important to the point of this post

in "celebrating the new house (2022)," we get a little more colm lore:

My dad was forever blowing any cash he made on fucking bets and gambling and shit, chasing some fucking high. My mom was the only reason we didn’t end up out on the fucking street. He didn’t pull his head out of his ass and get some help until after I’d already moved out. So I never got to have that feeling of being in a house that was actually ours, ya know?

already this is a stark contrast to what we've previously heard of colm (i don't think there's any real mention of him between sept 2021 and dec 2022?) and it kinda makes me look at that old memory in a different light, especially with regards to david saying marie was "nagging [colm's] ear off about being irresponsible and a bad example." like. ykwim? like i'm just thinking about that interaction and wondering how far along those problems were at the time, if they were present at all. was this a normal, fun family outing? or would milo have rather been in the truck bed with david, asher, and gabe?

(and the fact that it wasn't until after milo moved out that colm tried getting any help?? i could make a whole other post speculating about milo struggling with wanting to move out of that environment ASAP vs not wanting to leave marie on her own to deal with colm)

so then i'm re-listening to "your werewolf boyfriend is worried about you" and having a visceral reaction to (re-)learning that colm was also an alcoholic:

But what he chose to do with that frustration and that feeling of powerlessness was not his job’s fault, those were his choices. He’s the one who decided to lose himself in booze and gambling and never being home. Never being there for the people he said he loved but apparently couldn’t stand to be around.

the last sentence especially is just an absolute heartbreaker because milo's, what, thirty now? and he's been dealing with this since he was a kid. clearly he's not on great terms with colm. the only times he ever talks about him is when he's shit talking the department. that is a crazy weight for someone to carry their whole life. i don't have experience with the gambling side but i do have an alcoholic family member who i used to be really close to as a kid but grew up to intensely resent as a result of his actions, so it hits a little close to home to see that reflected in milo

but i digress. umm. i bring up the camping story to highlight the most recent mention of colm from milo and how there were good times and sometimes maybe it hurts to remember them when the person involved devastated you as you grew up because they weren't what you thought they were. and how these things follow you through life and impact how you approach certain things. milo has to live with the fact that the same system that royally fucked colm is potentially going to do the same thing to the love of his life; i never drink more than one shot or half a beer, if i drink at all, and i don't like being around drunk people. even though we don't hear about colm very often, his influence is still there whenever milo has to deal with the department in any way

anyway i guess TLDR; imagine living the majority of your thirty years of life feeling like your dad couldn't stand to be around you because he was too busy drinking himself stupid and gambling away every penny he had as a way to deal with the strain that his job put on him. imagine having to witness your mom struggle constantly to keep you cared for. imagine the few good childhood memories you have with your dad being overshadowed by thinking he didn't love you or your mom enough to change. imagine watching the department run your soulmate into the dirt physically and mentally the same way it did your father and wanting to be supportive of them but also being so worried for them. it's a really interesting situation for him to be in and i enjoy it but it hurts me. the end

[sugar-omi]

tags : NSFW, all readers, multiple choice dialogue, mean dom cove, cove is STILL horny 20 years later, quickie, bickering (you're picking on cove sm, you're so tired of his shit💀), no wedding dlc spoilers <3, i think thats everything...

synopsis : to celebrate being married for 20 actual years, you and cove have a party with your close family and friends on a boat. but cove has a more private celebration in mind before the party.

you're having a party to celebrate your 20th wedding anniversary, a much anticipated event since you're celebrating on a boat this time. it wasn't a small price to pay, but you'll survive.

besides, in comparison, it's nothing to the 30+ years you've spent at cove's side.

somehow, you two haven't had enough of each other. if anything, cove is even more obsessed with you. which would explain why he's pulling you into the cabin and giving you those damn bedroom eyes.

"what- *kiss* are you- *kiss* doing?" you gasp, fishing cove's shirt when he grinds his hips into yours.

cove kisses down your neck, taking advantage of your half buttoned shirt. / summer dress.

you push against his shoulders, although there isn't any force to it since you aren't trying to push him away like it seems. "don't leave marks, our family is coming soon..."

cove stops himself from sucking any marks into you, pulling away to look you in the eyes. he puts your foreheads together, holding your face in his hands.

you huff, slipping your hands into his back pockets. "you're still a horndog even after all these years."

cove laughs, smiling that damn smile. it's a bit full with smugness and definitely flirty but it just makes the fire in your stomach stir.

"indulge me?" cove purrs. fuck he knows what he's doing. "and why should i?" you smirk, acting as if you weren't compelled to indulge in your desires.

cove shrugs, "i don't know. it's our anniversary?"

you laugh and roll your eyes, "whatever, there's no time to listen to your pitch." you pull cove into a feverish kiss, palming him over his shorts.

you move down to his neck, pulling his shirt collar to bite his shoulder enough just to tease him. cove huffs, grumbling about something.

"these shorts are ugly." you bicker, as if you aren't undoing his belt and throwing it somewhere to the side. cove laughs, "khaki shorts are in!"

you roll your eyes, biting your lip to keep a laugh or any smart comment from coming out when cove slaps a hand over his mouth to muffle a loud moan when you dip your hand into his boxers, giving his cock a tight squeeze and pumping to get him fully hard.

"god, you're such a dad." you tug down his bottoms enough to pull his dick out, making quick work of pulling your bottoms down / lifting up your skirt around your waist.

cove doesn't say anything else. instead, he materializes a lube packet and condom from his wallet, and you have to keep from howling in laughter.

you go to say something about how you're gonna absolutely clown him after this, but cove slips his slick digits into your hole easily, and this time it's your turn to stifle the loud moan threatening to burst from the base of your throat.

"y-you..." you growl, licking your lips and trying to resist pushing your hips back on his digits.

"me?" cove mocks, lining himself up with your entrance when he deems you sufficiently prepped and kissing your cheek.

you pant, "just.. just move, asshole." you hang your head, gripping the table as cove's cock drags against your sensitive insides.

cove lifts your torso up so your back is against his chest. he tilts your head to kiss you, trying to stifle both of your moans as he starts fucking into you.

its not a wild pace compared to as when you were younger, your bodies are a bit stiff in some places.

something that naturally comes with age and having a child to take care of.

something that naturally comes with age and having children to take care of.

something that naturally comes with age.

you break apart when cove's tip hits your prostate / cervix, a sharp gasp escaping your wet lips. "cove-!" you breathe out his name, covering your mouth with your hand.

even though you can't fuck until sunrise, you have to admit you and cove still fuck like dogs sometimes.

"harder.." you pant, bracing yourself so you can meet cove's thrusts, the sound of your skin smacking together barely, uselessly, dulled by cove's shirt hanging down. "or- ahh. are you too old?" you gasp, mumbling curses under your breath when cove picks up the pace.

cove rolls his eyes, not that you can see, but you can practically feel it. "43 isn't old." you can hear the smirk in cove's voice, and to vote back your clench around his dick, grinning when he groans and curses.

"really? then why can't you stay up past 11, huh old man?" you bicker.

maybe you're picking on him too much, but you've known each other for years and if anything the snide comments always make cove fuck you harder, deeper.

cove wraps his arm around your body and grips your hip, keeping you pressing against him, the strength of his hand holding you down makes you squirm.

cove tugs on your earlobe with his teeth, growling lowly into your ear. "can't you focus on taking my dick?" you pinch your lips closed, your muffled mix of a moan and a whimper making cove laugh.

you glance at the clock on the wall, gasping out. "h-hurry up and come... before someone sh-shows up- oh fuck!- early!"

cove mumbles, reaching between your legs to tug your sensitive cock / rub circles around your sensitive clit.

you whimper, grabbing cove's wrist. "i'm," you swallow. "i'm gonna cum!"

cove mumbles into your shoulder, "that's it, so good for me.."

cove's thrusts lose rhythm and become shallow, grinding his tip against the sensitive spots buried deep in your poor insides. his hips stutter as you finish together, burying his face in your neck and pressing wet, open mouthed kisses against your neck.

you pant, your breathing synced.

once your senses come back to you, the sound of the waves sloshing around the boat, you push cove off you.

"geez.." you fret, fixing your clothes and turning to the mirror besides you to fix your appearance. you huff, seeing how fucked out you look.

cove slides up behind you, wrapping you in his arms, having the nerves to look sheepish.

you smack your lips, turning around to fix his hair. "don't act shy now."

cove laughs and smiles. you stop rearranging strands of hair to admire his face, your hands falling to his shoulders.

now that you're older, the crows feet by his eyes and the surprise strand of gray hair look pretty on him.

"what? do i look that bad?" cove laughs, looking over your head at his reflection.

"no.. age just looks pretty on you." you whisper, tender and full of love.

cove looks down, a blush on his cheeks.

"i love you."

"i love you too." you indulge cove in stealing a kiss from you, letting him take 2 more for the road before you push him away and usher him towards the deck.

"now get outta here and make sure the boat isn't floating away, and go get the cooler out the trunk! i thought you brought it in here already like i asked?!"

yeah, there's a lot more years of quickies, tender compliments, and bickering ahead of you.

[mermaidsirennikita]

I watched Pretty Woman when I was around 12. Which, first of all, my mom let me watch and read anything.

It pretty much encoded in my brain. It also played an important role in my fascination with older men with silver hair. And I love everything about it. I know it's problematic and stuff. But it's so good. Everything is perfect, casting, music, story, acting, cinematography. Romantic movies don't commit like this. I miss the beautiful, curly hair and the romantic ballads. It feels as if Hollywood is allergic to romance now.

I'm suffering from lack of good romantic movies. Please recommend some good movies.

If it makes you feel any better, I was probably younger than 12 when my mom like MADE me watch it with her lmao

And I agree so much with everything you have to say about it. Pretty Woman is, to me, the Iconique romance movie. It feels more like a romance novel, to me, than most movies. And it's sooooo sexy.

For other romantic movies, I'd recommend:

Brown Sugar (2002). This one is really fun because both of the protagonists make really bad choices sometimes! He marries the wrong person, she gets with the wrong person, it's friends to lovers the way it should be done (ie with a lot of angst). But you still root for them to get together! Also, Taye Diggs gives an absolutely perfect line delivery (like several) in this clip.

(We gonna celebrate--what? *clink clink* MY DIVOOOOOORCE!)

Always Be My Maybe (2019). Another example of friends to lovers done right, though it's really one of the things I love in books too, which is "childhood friends to strangers to lovers". So good. Also, the single best usage of a celebrating playing themselves ever with Keanu Reeves.

Imagine Me and You (2005). A sweet sapphic romcom with a bit of a moral quandary in the premise... A woman is walking down the aisle to her husband, looks over, sees florist Lena Headey, and understandably falls in love with florist Lena Headey. But like, she didn't even know she was bi, let alone that florist Lena Headey existed, so--what now? Cheesy in a very sweet way. Actually plays with infidelity in a manner that movies kinda don't as much at the moment (Brown Sugar does as well). Yet it remains heartwarming.

Faraway (2023). Nobody ever talks about this movie, even though it has so many things we always say we want—like a woman over 40 who isn't stick thin falling in love with a man over 40 who also doesn't have this insanely ripped body (and he remains hot, to be clear). In this one, a woman finds out her husband is PROBABLY cheating on her on the day of her mother's funeral. She also finds out that her mom had a secret house in Croatia! And when she goes to that house to get away from her family, there's Some Guy squatting there! And now she's kind of in a love triangle with Some Guy and a younger real estate developer who wants to buy the property...? It's delightful. I need to rewatch it.

Hit Man (2023 though let's be real it's a 2024 movie). Anyone who hasn't seen this yet--it's a romcom. It's a whole romcom. With sex in it. It's very funny, it made me attracted to Glen Powell against my will, he eats this girl out a kitchen island (and she thinks he's a hit man she almost hired to kill her husband). It's definitely got a touch of darkness, but everyone who suffers deserves to because they're like, abusive husbands and racist predatory cops. Hell yeah.

Amelie (2001). I'm sure everyone has seen Amelie by now, but if you haven't, watch Amelie. It's everything it's cracked up to be.

Argylle (2024). YEAH. YEAH. I'M PUTTING THIS ON HERE. Everyone shat all over Argylle, and I was like oh shit, what even is Argylle??? I don't wanna spoil too much, but did you know that Argylle pretty much ends on two people making out as they speed away from whimsical chaos??? Did you know that Argylle has like.. AN AMNESIA ROMANCE PLOT??? It's goofy as fuck and it is delightful.

Lisa Frankenstein (2024). Another recent one that is actually so romantic. And the monster uses a giant Hitachi magic wand on Lisa Frankenstein. Good for her.

The Through My Window trilogy I will always cite as Euroteen romance movie excellence. Like, the second movie is kinda rough, but the third makes up for it completely. It is soapy, it is ridiculous, it is EVERYTHING a good Wattpad movie should be except there's also like, an actual earnest heart to it. Ares is a king among men. Raquel is batshit insane but gets away with it because she is That Girl. I love it.

Anyway, this is far from a complete list, but try these for like, the heart feelings.

[what-gs-watching]

“Do I wanna break into a dead guy’s apartment and go through all his shit? Sounds like an afternoon.”

Okay so I obviously needed a real good palate cleanser after I watched Barry and subsequently melted down a little bit, and there was an obvious choice because Y’AAAAAAALL

ONLY MURDERS IN THE BUILDING IS BACK!

I’m fucking crazy for this show. Steve Martin??! Martin Short???!!! being amazing old guy best friends with Selena Gomez to temper their ridiculousness and bring that fantastic sass? 

It’s one of those rare, perfect shows. Everything about this show is absolutely on point. It’s funny. It’s smart. It’s emotional. And ridiculous. And gorgeously stylized. I’ve been on this wagon since day one and it’s truly wonderful.

Wherein, three tenants of an upscale apartment building in New York City, The Arconia,  start a podcast after someone dies in said building, and they’re convinced it was murder. 

Since season 4 is starting, it’s the perfect time for a rewatch, gang. And it’s my first one! That’s always a fun experience, getting into something you know you enjoyed for a second time. It’s not quite familiar yet, it can still surprise you because you remember the shape of it but not necessarily all of the details. It was extremely satisfying. 

I’m trying to decide which has been my favorite season so far, let’s talk it out.

Season 1: Victim, Tim Kono

A lot of shows struggle in the first season but dang this one is so strong. Charles (Steve Martin) is a mostly washed up tv star from the 90’s, Oliver (Martin Short) is an eccentric Broadway director who got blackballed after his disastrous last production, and Mabel (Selena Gomez) is in her late 20’s, squatting in her aunt’s posh Manhattan apartment and not doing much else. 

At the start, the fire alarm in the building goes off and all three head to a nearby restaurant and run into each other. They bond over a podcast about a missing girl’s murder in Oklahoma, produced by the podcast queen Cinda Canning (Tina, effing, FEY!!!!!!). Cinda is an amazing addition to this show, I love Tina Fey in absolutely everything but she is so great here.

Anyway, then they find out a tenant in the building apparently shot himself, but they’d been in the elevator with him not long before and none of them were buying the story, so what else was there to do than start a podcast and investigate? It’s a ridiculous premise honestly, but it works so fucking well. 

In my mind, Mabel is the focus of that season, it turns out she has a connection to Tim Kono, the victim, and the story winds out of control which I love, but they do a really good job of balancing between the three of them. Charles’ storyline ends up being insane and I enjoy Oliver’s snark and pluck and his confidence. 

And I obviously love the bromance that blooms between Charles and Oliver, it’s so sweet. Like their real friendship bleeds through. 

Another highlight of season 1 is Charles’s stunt double from Brazzos, played by Jane Lynch. The way they make the two of them really look like each other is funny as hell and Oliver’s reaction to meeting Sazz is classic - believing it’s Charles he asks what work he’s had done. It’s hilariously uncanny.

I won’t go into too many specifics, it’s too good to spoil, but I think I can say now that the killer in season one is my favorite. Didn’t really care about the victim but ooh, I DID NOT see that one coming. 

Season 2: Victim, Bunny Folger

So after they solve their first murder, the trio celebrates and everything is awesome, but Mabel goes back to her apartment for more champagne and guess what! She finds the dead body of Bunny, the head of the board for the Arconia, who they’d spent season 1 not getting along with - Bunny had even tried to evict them.

Surprise, surprise, the three of them immediately get arrested since Mabel was found basically standing, covered in blood, over the body.  #bloodymabel

It’s fun that they spend the season trying to clear their names, I liked that aspect of it. Of course they had to come under suspicion at some point, how many murders can realistically occur in an Upper West Side building before it gets weird and you have to look at the people who’ve suddenly gained notoriety because of it? 

This season for me was all about Charles, his backstory with his not-really-a-step-daughter and his dad. I guess it’s really about family overall, with Oliver’s own family drama bubbling up. I loved that they did an entire bit about Oliver always knowing when someone is lying - the scenes of him orchestrating rounds of the Son of Sam game are fantastic - but then of course he gets a big ol’ shock when a devastating secret is revealed. 

I wasn’t a huge fan of Mabel’s storyline with the random british artist that popped up out of nowhere, she was kind of a twit, but you do you girl. I’m with it. 

The killer reveal in season 2 is definitely my favorite - along with the joke about them throwing a “killer reveal party” - WAS it a party to reveal the killer, or a party that was going to be killer in nature??! Definitely the most satisfying reveal so far. 

Season 3: Victim, Ben Glenroy

So after they solve a few murders back to back, the three of them suddenly have some good press and their lives start to turn around. Oliver gets a call to direct a new play actually ON Broadway this time, even though his last production had been a literal disaster - mermen jumping from the rafters into what should have been a pool, but was definitely just a hard stage floor, instead. L O L at the retelling he does of that tragedy during season 1. 

Mabel of course is still a muddling millennial but she’s at least finally finished renovating her aunt’s apartment, and Charles’s return to his rebooted show, Brazzos, is on hiatus. SIDE NOTE, I love all of the Brazzos flashbacks, they’re so ridiculous and yet absolutely 100% what a crime drama in the 90’s was like. 

Anyway, Charles joins Oliver’s show, which is starring Ben Glenroy (played by PAUL RUDD who I absolutely love), a famous actor who’s known for his superhero franchise, CoBro - which is about a bro who turns into a literal COBRA and fights crime. 

One of the best parts of this season is the mentions of Ben’s starring roles. Mabel loves him from a show called “Girl Cop” and there’s an adorable moment where she does the handshake from the show with him (kind of). I want to be able to watch all of the invented content, it sounds so incredible.

BUT, of course, on the opening night of Oliver’s play, Ben ends up dead. He is by FAR my favorite victim. He seems like a dick and he definitely is but as they investigate you see a different side of him as well and I will always and forever love Paul Rudd. Bringing him on was a fantastic decision.

Did I mention that MERYL fucking STREEP is in the musical as well?? And her character is wonderful. When Oliver decides to turn the show into a musical after Ben’s death, she gets the best song of the entire thing and the first time she performs it is so poignant. I choked up a little bit the first time, and again the second time. 

Also, this season has my favorite episode of the series - Charles is trying to learn a ‘patter song’ for the musical and the first time he performs it in front of the cast, he devolves into a string of hilarious curses and he blacks out and ends up in a white room, surrounded with soothing music and he’s happy and dancing and everything is great. Until they cut back to reality and his pants are down and the stage he’s on is a mess and everyone is fucking MORTIFIED. When he asks what happened, Oliver screams “TOO SOON!!!” while Mabel is shouting, “Not ready!”

It’s absurd and absolutely fucking hilarious. He goes to the ‘white room’ a few more times in that episode and I can’t help but die everytime. I don’t know why I find it so hilarious but the sequences are perfect. You never know what happened and neither does Charles and I love it. 

I think I’ve decided this is my favorite season, even if the killer is kind of obvious. There was so much going on with the musical that the usually elaborate story of getting to the murderer is kind of muted, but it’s still so. good. 

And so, season 3 wraps up nicely, but we find out that Sazz has basically been executed in Charles’s apartment while they celebrate. Uh oh.

Which leads me to the start of Season 4. I’m SO excited. One of the best parts of this show is the cameos, and I am losing my mind over the addition of Zach Galifianakis. I’ve been in love with his insane face since his comedy special “Live at the Purple Onion” was on Netflix. I’m talking like, 2008, people. I saw him perform at some random festival before The Hangover ever came out. For a long time “Purple Onion” was my comfort watch, before ‘comfort watch’ was really a thing. 

He’s going to be incredible, and I can’t wait. I’m sure Eugene Levy and Eva Longoria will be good too but whatever, it’s gonna be all about Zatch Gaspifinasky for me. 

I’m not a huge fan of streaming shows releasing one episode a week, but I’ll endure it happily for Only Murders In The Building. Not many shows lately have been as solid, consistent, and FUN to watch as this one. 

Who killed Sazz Pataki, y’all?! I can’t wait to find out…

[sunwarmed-ash]

Voters Choice: Roy x Jamie x Keeley snippet

AN: its gonna start p angsty before it gets happy, season 2 is where sad boi Jamie shines.(BUT S3 THE POLYCULE POTENTIAL EXPLODES) Trigger warnings: physical violence, Drink spiking/drugging (NO SA)

“What's next for Jamie Tartt?”

The obvious answer was to go back to Man City. But much like, well, everyone else in his life thus far, Keeley, Richmond, Love Island, even his hometown didn't want him. And that was just too much to swallow. Everyone wanted him, ever since he hit puberty. And even more once he became a footballer. 

“The fuck you mean no one wants me! I’m Jamie fucking Tartt!” 

“Jamie, you know I love you, you're like a son to me. But now you're like a dead son. Which makes me love you even more. Now get out.”

For the first time in years, he was at a complete and total loss as to what to do next. He didn't know where to go. He couldn't go home. Not after that horridus talk show re-airs on the late night telly and his father starts blowing up his phone with cruel, warranted abuse. He couldn’t go back to Richmond. He couldn't. The team would probably physically rip him to shreds.  

He was lost. So fucking lost. He needed to talk to someone. 

And he doubts even she would be particularly happy to see him….

Fuck!

-

Arguably, his talk with Keeley did make him feel better. She helped remind him at least one person in this world still wanted to get to know Jamie Tartt the person and not the (failed) celebrity and footballer. 

But now that he's left her place, he’s stuck with the hollow feeling of loneliness again. Keeley was just helping him as a friend, and only a friend. Because Jamie’s the one who fucked up and blew his chance with her. And now, well she’s found someone who treats her better than he ever could. She deserves better than Jamie… 

He talked with Ted too, and it went okay, yeah. If anything, it felt nice to tell someone about his dad. But then he had gotten rejected, again. 

‘Jamie, you're a hell of a player, but I don’t think it's a good idea.’ 

Further reinforcing his manager's (and inexplicably fathers) words that truly, no one wanted him anymore. And it fucking stung. Jamie stared hateful daggers at the beer Ted bought him.  

Well, fuck that shit. 

It was Friday night, he was back in Richmond, and too fucking tired to really go anywhere else. If he hopped enough pubs, he would surely find someone who wanted him. 

-

“Well, well well, look who it is! Me own flesh an' blood!”

Before he can even make it to the first pub he wanted to check out, his blood runs cold and stops him in place at the voice of his father. “Surprised you’d show your face in public after such a pathetic and public fall from grace!” Jamie Sr. continues. 

Jamie had hoped, prayed, if he actually gave a shit about praying, that 200 miles was enough distance between him and his father to avoid a ‘bump into’, but it seems like his bad luck just kept coming tonight.

He ignores him. Tries to be the bigger person. Jamie cuts left and turns to try and get anywhere public as soon as possible, but before he can take a step he’s going down. The first hit was solid, and right to the ribs. It absolutely came from his dads hand. Each of his fathers friends took their turn after. Bug was easy enough to avoid, the man was out of shape and old. But Denbo had power behind his fists. Jamie yanks himself off the ground in time to duck one, but practically walked right into the second one. It hit him square in the gut, knocking almost all of the air from his lungs. 

“Fuck,” he wheezes, wrapping one arm around his torso before rearing back and kicking. He had more power in his legs than his arms, and the swift deliverance to Denbo’s sternum with his heeled dress shoe had the older man collapsing on the cobblestone. 

And then, Jamie runs. And doesn't stop until he reaches the back alley of Crown & Anchor again. 

As soon as he reaches the deserted location he collapses, wheezing out his agony. When his back came in rough contact with the brick, he folds like a paper plane. He yanks up and grips his knees, trying to focus on the steady intake of oxygen and not the throbbing unanswered question of What the fuck is he supposed to do now? He could feel the anxiety rapidly building in his chest, it was too much. He didn't have anything to relieve it. 

Someone is shouting across the street, not close enough for him to be able to make out who or if they are talking to him or not. Jamie pulls up his hood and pushes on his sunglasses. He just wants to be left alone. 

“Jamie?” the soft, now familiar voice asks again. Jamie barely registers the soft hand on his shoulder. He blinks up to see the kind, and familiar eyes of his ex, and favorite person in the entire world (outside of himself), Keeley Jones. 

“Keels? Uh, yeah hey.” He says, quickly adjusting himself so he didn't look so fucking pathetic. Girls didn't like that.

“Hey babe,” she smiles kindly, reading through his bullshit as she offered her hand to help him up. He took it. Of course he did. “Let's get you somewhere warmer than the alley huh? Want to come to my place, it’s just a few blocks. We can take the back way, less people at this hour.”

Jamie couldn't process most of what she said, but he nods as soon as she said leave here. 

-

Most of the speed walk to their old shared flat went by in a blacked out blur, but when he was greeted with the familiar scent of sandalwood and citrus he knew he was home. It helped bring some of the feeling back into his trauma-numbed body. 

“I just need to rest a few hours, honestly,” he starts, hoping maybe she’d offer to lay next to him, but then his eyes land on the most emotionally complicated person in the world, and now ‘home’ is the last place he wants to be. Because it's not his home anymore. It's theirs. Without him. 

“Why’s he here?” Jamie asks, though he knows the answer. 

“He lives here,” Roy explained, albeit nicer than Jamie's immediate, snappy tone.

The confirmation hurts worse than all of the physical attacks he’d endured tonight combined. Rejection burns hot in his gut. He’s gotta get out of here. 

“We’re here to help Jamie.” Keeley attempts to reassure, but the panicky feeling only compounds, and he hates the way the spotlight is now on him. Even if they were just trying to help. It was having the opposite effect. 

“I- can’t- this is too much-” he is barely able to get out. 

“Maybe we should get you in bed,” Roy offers. 

That’s enough to stop the panic attack in its tracks, switch railways and turn Jamie’s mood around. His eyes are blown wide in hopeful confusion, and he’s about to agree, yeah, that actually probably would help, before Roy quickly edited, “not- like that. To sleep.”

Jamie’s mouth snaps shut and he bites into his tongue to keep back how disparagingly rejected and embarrassed that made him feel. 

In hindsight, they were probably right. He was exhausted. His body ached where there were surely bruises forming. Yet another thing he’d have to explain away at training, or tonight if they have sex. Jamie needed sleep. Not sex. 

“Yeah. Yeah, alright.”

They didn't talk about it, not really. Roy and Keeley gave him the support he desperately needed that night. They surprisingly allow him to cuddle between their two warm bodies, and it helps more than he can ever make his mouth admit. 

But then in the morning he left, giving them their life back. 

And they didn't talk about it. 

Like it never happened.

-One week later-

Jamie doesn't drink, and it will become abundantly clear over the next few hours why he doesn’t. Part of it is because his fathers lost his entire life and mind to booze, and tried to take him and his mum down with him. But mostly he just didn't like it. Didn't like the smell, didn't like the taste, and he didn't like feeling out of control of his body. But he was in a mood, one that would not be lightened by anything but sex or Keeley and currently both of those options were off the table. 

The idiots down at the end of the counter are trying not stealthy at all to take his picture and he is just not having it. 

“CAN I GET ANOTHER ONE MAE?” he asks loudly in the crowded pub before flipping the three fans off. It only makes them cheer and giggle more. 

“One second Tartt,” she shouts back, though not unkindly, and his eyes go right back into the bottom of his empty glass.  The buzzing in his head was still too loud. He needed something to dull it out. 

“Maybe I could interest you in this, it'll save you the refill time,” An older blonde gentleman probably Ted's age said as he saddled up next to him. Jamie hadn't seen the man come in, or seen him around town really. This pub had a pretty reliable clientele. Jamie has definitely never seen this man before. 

“What is it?” Jamie asked, nodding towards the fruity looking drink with the pink paper umbrella. 

“Mai Tai,” the older gentleman smiles and something about it makes Jamie's stomach turn. 

“Do I look like I drink Mai Tai’s?” Jamie shot back, because he felt almost insulted by the cocktail. He could hear his fathers hateful monologue in his ears discrediting anything that could be considered soft. Not masculine. Queer. 

“You look like someone who might want company tonight, which is why I came over.” His accent claimed he wasn’t from around here and Jamie considers, well maybe, sex wasn’t completely off the table.

“Do you know who I am?” He asks. Tonight, he really doesn’t want to fuck a fan. 

The man tilted his head like a confused puppy. It was kinda cute. Ya know, if you were into that…

“No, should I?”

Jamie scoffed. American’s. No taste in real sport. 

“Guess not.”

“My name is John,” the man said, holding out his hand with a radiant smile. 

Jamie returned it. 

“Jamie.” 

“It’s very nice to meet you Jamie.”

-

Jamie blinks and suddenly he can't tell if they have been sitting here at the hightop for 5 minutes or 5 hours. All of the faces of the pub patrons look the same and it makes his eyebrows bunch together in frustration. At least he thinks they do that, he actually can’t feel any part of his face…

He turns and suddenly he’s face to face with the Mai Tai man and he’s grinning, in a way that makes Jamie's insides churn and threaten to spew. The next moment the man is attempting to close the distance between their mouths and Jamie is acting on instinct. His fist comes out fast, punching into the jaw of the older man hard. 

It makes quite the commotion, because the man shouts, smashes his own glass over Jamie’s head, and Jamie is shouldering him into the rough edge of the counter in an adrenaline fuled rebuttal. 

The next moments pass in a blur. Everyone is screaming, Mae is yelling at him specifically, and then two bigger regulars are carrying Jamie out of the bar. His attacker is conveniently nowhere to be found. 

Jamie just wants to cry because how could this night get any worse?

[wdwmarveldisney]

Rollercoasters and Ice Cream

Derek Hale x reader

Singles Paired!AU

Summary: Being forced to take your sisters to an amusement park kinda paid off.

Masterlist

A/N: Posting this from school feels illegal. Nevermind. Has not been proofread so read at your own risk honestly.

GIF isn’t mine

This was the worst day ever.

Standing in line, you fixed your top as you rolled your eyes at your sister's words. The twins' favourite activity today wasn't rollercoasters or having excessive amounts of ice cream but instead was to make fun of you since you had to go on all the rides alone. Every time they opened their mouths to say it a new way, you were reminded why you never took them anywhere as they had complained. But every time you did, the twins found some way to tease and pick fun at you which you always found ridiculous because you were older so surely it should be the other way round.

Right now their teases were mainly fixated on the 'singles will be paired' sign next to them. They were having a field day with it, joking about who you might end up with and taking photos. You, meanwhile, were desperately trying to find the will to live and settling on the idea of ice cream from the Ben & Jerry's parlour next to the ride. You had been tempted to have some before but thinking the ride through, you had decided after was best. After all, the sign above the ride entry had read in weird writing:

This hydraulic launched rollercoaster will propel you from 0-80 miles per hour in less than 2 seconds!

You eyed the tall tracks of the rollercoaster, nothing being used to pull the actual thing up and drop it down. You watched the group go, screams filling the air as they flew past. The line began to move then so you decided to look over the singles in the line ahead. Some of them didn't look too mean, others had resting bitch faces. It made you pray to be able to pick.

Still scanning the people in front, you were cut off by the loud shouts behind you. It wasn't like anyone else was quiet but there was something too loud about the people behind you and when you turned to see a big group of teens, you realised why. They looked a couple years older than your sisters, well most of them anyway. There were a few younger ones who looked your sisters' age and there was one guy who was most definitely your age. He was probably the only responsible adult, an older sibling like yourself. His eyes met yours and your cheeks grew hot as you gave a pathetic wave to try and cover you staring.

Yeah, you really hope you got to choose.

"Yeah, no, he's way too hot for you," Your head whipped round to your giggling sisters. They were high fiving and you had to lean down to whisper your next words to them, "I'm not against slapping you little shits," they knew you were partially joking, smirking as arms crossed over their chests and you mimicked them. The other one spoke up, "You can't, it's child abuse," Yeah, like you didn't know that. So you simply nodded as the other one dropped in, "You'd go to prison. You want to go to prison?" They seriously thought they had you there and it made you grin as you answered, "Gladly, if it meant that I got a break from these absolutely pleasant trips I have to do," Their faces fell before one of them shoved your shoulder and they moved forward with the rest of the line.

You'd made it to the very front of the line when the gate closed on you and they prepared to send the full ride off. The guy said you'd be sat behind your sisters and then the next person by themselves would be sat next to you to which you said was fine. Like you had a choice. Glancing at the still insanely loud crowd behind you, you realised they'd already formed their pairs (7 to be exact). And then you realised that the ridiculously attractive guy your age was by himself and that made you turn back with a giddy smile as you wrapped your arms around your sisters' shoulders.

It didn't take long for them to start seating you, the two idiots celebrating they were at the front and you were shoved behind them. The group of teens filled the rest of the ride and you fiddled as someone approached the seat next to you. The nervous smile you sent him felt almost drowned out by the cheers from behind you. Most were wolf whistles, a few, "Go Derek," and "Get some," that made you about ten times worse. It felt like it couldn't get too much worse until he smiled back and your sisters took the opportunity to turn and embarrass you. They both had those signature smirks that made you often contemplating ditching them on the side of the road. "I'll try my hardest not to throw up on you but no promises,"

"Yeah, like she's not going to throw up on everyone behind her,"

Leaning forward, you grab their heads to turn them and push them in their seats as you mutter, "I think I'll do great in prison," they both paled slightly with nervous chuckles and strapped themselves in as you fell into your seat to do the same. The guy, Derek you guessed, laughed as he followed. You didn't dare to talk until the worker had pushed the harness down. You felt like you might as well introduce yourself since you knew his name. Doing your best to hold out your hand, you leaned forward to talk, "I'm Y/N, by the way. It's nice to meet you,"

"Derek," was all he said as he shook your hand and then he was looking away and you gave yourself a small nod as you got the message. Not a talker, huh? You still felt like you should warn him so, nervously, you leant forward again and said, "Sorry if I scream your ear off," He laughed this time with a small nod that let you know it was okay and that made you feel about ten times better. It was then that you felt the roller coaster moved back, getting ready to slingshot to the speed said on the sign and with a shake of your head, you regretted every single choice in your life that meant you were here. About to embarrass yourself in front of a ridiculously hot stranger. Screw God and higher power, Satan clearly took the wheel for your life and was obviously not very good at balancing duties 'cause even for him, this was a shit show.

A scream tore through your lips the second the wind started whooshing in your ear but all you could hear was a heart melting, gorgeous laugh from next to you which honestly made you just want to die. How was he perfect and how did that perfectness inject adrenaline in your veins so much quicker than this death coaster? How was this much of a high possible? You hated attractive people.

When you reached the top and it slowed for a view of the park, all you could fixate on was the very vertical drop you were about to face. Sure, you loved rollercoasters, they were great fun but a massive fear of heights always restrained some of that excitement. And maybe that fear and the shear height you were at managed to give the worst brain damage in the world or maybe you were just that dumb but you grabbed his hand. You grabbed the hot, mysterious, future-husband-material guy's hand and he held on just as tight. He held it with a small squeeze and laugh at the curses that spilled from your lips and you fell in love as you felt your stomach flip not only from the descent of the coaster but from the no doubt twinkle in his eyes. Yeah, kill you now.

The coaster slowed over the small bumps but you didn't drop his hand, still in a state of shock over your simple stupid self. It wasn't until the harnesses lifted and your sisters were poking fun at you that you dropped his hand like it burned you and started apologising profusely. He'd waved it off with probably half hearted reassurances that made your inside do cartwheels and was kind enough to hold his hand out again to help you out of the coaster when the attendants were getting very quickly pissed. The kids he was with were chattering away about how awesome it was or how 'No Stiles, I'd rather jump into an active volcano than do that again' which honestly felt like a mood. You went a few paces before you swung your hand and realised your fingers were still intertwined with Derek's

Lord have mercy.

"I'm so sorry. First on the coaster and now, um," you dropped his hand to wrap your arms around yourself, "I promise I don't go around just holding people's hands," He smirked, he had the audacity to smirk your way, all flirty as he commented, "So, what you're saying is that I'm special," That wasn't even a question, he was so confident. You hated his very beautiful face for that. "No?" You were such an idiot, such an idiot. What was that one word shit? Why were you doing that? It didn't hide the heat in your cheeks or clear embarrassment or the dead look in your eyes that became more oh so obvious every time you opened your mouth.

At the gate to the exit, he paused to hold it open for you and just casually asked, "Where are you going now?" Off a cliff sounded nice in all honesty, before you could mess this up any further. But instead of that, you gave the honest truth with a small point to the parlour, "My sisters want ice cream and I'm not complaining," he nodded, all the kids he was with being sent a quick glare to shut them up that low-key made him hotter, before he grinned brightly at you and shrugged, "Ice cream sounds great. Just give me a second," You nodded dumbly all but collapsing into your sisters' arms as he left. Their teasing was distant and a faint echo as you calmed your heart and tried your hardest to stop your head from planning an entire future with him. Easier said than done.

When he waved you over with a bright grin, your sisters all but dragged you as your body gave out and next thing you know, your in a queue for ice cream with him laughing at some no doubt ridiculous joke you made. He was prettier up close, eyes all scrunched and lips bright with a face splitting smile. Once all orders were made and the group was spread across three tables in the corner with your sisters making quick friends, you were a blushing mess in the silence that settled over the two of you. He was just smiling as he had his ice cream and you were scrambling for some sort of conversation to come to mind.

"What do you think of Queen?"

"What?" It came out as a laugh, a confused look being sent your way and you could hardly disagree. Who asks that out of nowhere? Still, you'd done it now, time to push through. "The band Queen, I'm just asking about, you know, music taste. It's a very deciding factor," That smirk was back for seemingly no reason and you racked what you had said and done but were easily cut off when he asked, "What's it you're deciding?" Oh, that. That comment; of course it was that comment. Trying to play it cool (and clearly miserably failing based off his laugh), you shrugged and continued eating your ice cream. He shuffled, bright smile as he answered, "They're good. Prefer Bowie,"

You paused, twisting your small wooden spoon before finally nodding, "I can get behind that answer," He grinned and you felt yourself relax just a tad. He quickly moved in before much more could be said, "So that decision then, got it yet?" A heat made its way to your cheeks and a helpless and rather pathetic shrug was all you could give. He seemed to still have more to say on the matter anyway, "'Cause, you know, I think I've come to one,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," You resisted the very strong urge to giggle as you simply leaned forward and he mirrored it. Ice cream had long since left your mind as you asked with a small, held-back smile, "What's that then?" He reached to hold one of your hands, watching your focus move to where he played with your fingers, "That I should ask for your number and how you would feel about a date?" You couldn't stop the face splitting grin fro surfacing no matter how hard you fought and quickly nodded. "I think I'd feel pretty great,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," When you looked back to him, he was solely focused on you in a way that made you want to scream into a pillow later when remembering. How were you supposed to live long enough to go on a date when he was looking at you like that?

"Damn, Derek's got game," Safe to say moment ruined. You watched him hold back a look of murderous rage before his eyes settled on the boy who spoke, your gaze following. The boy didn't recoil like others, a sarcastic smile lighting up his face that only brightened when Derek muttered rather bitterly, "Stiles," It had you poorly stifling giggles and that was enough for Derek to turn and face you again with a bright smile.

Yeah, maybe taking your sisters out today wasn't the worst day ever.

[cadybear420]

Cadybear's Reviews- Baby Bump

Welcome to the twenty-first official Cadybear's Reviews! Today I'll be talking about Baby Bump, which I have ranked on the "Gold Tier" at 8 stars out of a possible 10.

WHY DO PEOPLE HATE THIS SERIES!? WHY!? It’s FINE! 

Okay, I can maybe see why people may not like it because, let’s be real, accidental pregnancy is a very overdone trope. And apparently there were a lot of parts that were originally problematic when the story was released and had to be re-written, but I wasn’t around for that and I know next to nothing about the original lines, so I can’t say much about them. But even now, how does it get ranked as being among the worst so often? Even if you think it’s bad, it’s really not that bad. 

Like… I found it decent? I don’t think it’s nearly as bad as a lot of people have said it is. And I’m saying this as a GNC cis woman who experiences major genital dysphoria and absolutely REVILES the idea of becoming pregnant. Like, I would rather die than ever experience being pregnant. And yet I still quite enjoyed this story. 

I guess it kind of helps that the book is very clearly a pregnancy book from the beginning, so I kind of went in knowing what to expect and thus not self-inserting as the MC at all. Unlike something like TRH, which is a continuation that suddenly introduces a “MC gets pregnant” plot to a non-pregnancy series… but that’s a subject for a different day. 

I’ll be honest though, this story has a pretty awful start. In the flashback in B1 Ch1 where MC meets Mr. Covington, they try waaaayyyyy too hard to make the player swoon at the idea of having his babies. Like, did the guy they wanted to be MC’s baby daddy HAVE to be a celebrity company salesman, who is also the keynote speaker at MC’s graduation? 

And don’t even get me started on the Clint fangirls, who feel like they were written by someone who’s only ever been surrounded by the “Facebook Mom” stereotype and has never met (and probably never will meet) a real horny woman in their entire life. 

Literally, the scene is just all like “OMG LOOK!!! BIG FAMOUS CELEBRITY SALESMAN!!! OMG HE HAS *GASP* ABS!!! OH WOW, A MALE LI IN CHOICES WITH ABS AND BIG MUSCLES! THAT’S SO UNIQUE AND SPECIAL AND TOTALLY NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE!!! OMG ALL THE OTHER WOMEN ARE CHANTING OVER HIS ABS AND WANT TO HAVE HIS BABIES TOO!!! DON’T *YOU* WANT TO HAVE HIS BABIES TOO!?!?!?! AREN’T YOU SOOOOOO LUCKY THAT YOU’RE GOING TO BE HAVING HIS BABIES?!?!?!?!?!?!?”. Like, how much intelligence do you think your wlm audience has PB? Really trying to pander to the “Facebook Karen Mom” stereotype here, huh? 

With that in mind, I guess I can understand why people may have gotten a bad impression of the book at first, because the story for how MC got pregnant in the first place (and her conflict with Cassandra in Book 1) feels straight out of one of those weird Instagram and Facebook ads. 

But besides that, it was an okay series! I found it mostly cute and wholesome. Literally everything else was fine! There were even a few moments in Book 2 that made me cry, like when MC can record a sweet message for the babies with a plush bunny she can get from the Baby Baskets. 

Besides maybe Book 1 Dr. Mariana Castillo who is just way too unserious (at least she gets better in Book 2), I honestly really liked the main cast. Even though MC is technically an outsider to the town, she still gets to be very driven and gets shit done rather than being the typical doe-eyed newbie who needs to be shown the ropes. Clint is a sweetheart and does get to be more than just “har dee har muscular celebrity salesman who knocks you up aren’t you soooo lucky” that they wanted him to be in the first chapter. Mayor Dixon is a nice mix of goofy and tsundere, and the female version Myra contributed to my bi awakening. Luisa is just a queen all around. MC’s sister… initially she could sometimes be a bit of a stereotypical “OMG girly girl talk best friend to talk exclusively about LI and diamond outfits” but she does become more than that too, and I really like her subplot with Bao. Speaking of, Bao is just the most absolute precious ever (and shame on PB for making him the sister’s LI and not one for MC /jk). 

The antagonist characters were… kind of a mixed bag, I will admit. They were memorable, but also kind of stupid. Like I said before, Cassandra’s storyline in Book 1 just felt petty and cheap, plus I’m tired of straw loser villain female antagonists who exist solely to compete with the MC over the LI. It never got too overbearing, but it was still stupid. Book 2 Cassandra is great though. 

Then there’s Craig, who wants to destroy everything MC and friends accomplish and take over Gracetown because… potatoes. I guess he’s alright as he is actually a threat in Book 2, but the townspeople can be pretty damn meek to him which is a little weird. But he was still a strong antagonist in that book. Book 1 Craig feels a lot more like he just exists to be an annoyance for the sake of being an annoyance, though. 

Jebediah is a lot more compelling as an antagonist character, and I did expect the Covington family conflict to be incredibly boring but it turned out otherwise. He’s a jerk at first, but it’s nice to see how he does genuinely try to change throughout the storyline of Book 2. 

Also, props to this for being one of only three Choices series ever (the others being OG HSS and ILITW) where the collectible system has some items that aren’t diamond-walled. The baby blanket collectibles are really cute, and it’s really refreshing to have a collectible system that isn’t “the first one is free and then the rest you have to pay for”. Like HSS, there are even some pieces that are determinant on your success in certain events. Why can’t more series do their collectibles like this??? (Oh right, because it requires actual effort). 

Would I say it’s a good or accurate portrayal of pregnancy? IDK, I’m not an expert. But it’s fine if you just want a lighthearted pregnancy story to chill out to. 

[allylikethecat]

Omg, also a TS fan since debut and I massively took a step back from her personally prior to the reputation era because of her antics and victim complex. The music will always mean so so much to me, her lyrics mean so much to me, but her actions as a person and TS™️ as an entity is just weird and greedy. I think she accrued a lot of fans when she disappeared for a while who've completely constructed a narrative in their heads of who she is and they believe it and are eating up this current era, but those who've been here a long time know how PR and image driven it is. Exhausting.

I apologize in advance I have been having way too many feelings about this whole situation and how it relates to my identity as a 28 year old woman and you are about to get an oversharing novel in response lol

Also, I guess CW: this post is about Taylor Swift and if anyone sends me any kind of hate or whatnot related to my own personal opinions and feelings I will be deleting it because I am NOT playing that game.

My Aunt bought me the Debut album CD at a concert after seeing her open for Rascal Flatts. She was like "I thought that you would like her!" and she was RIGHT Taylor Swift became my entire personality. One of my FAVORITE core memories as a child was the day Fearless came out. For some reason we didn't have school, and my Mom and I watched Taylor on the Ellen show, and then we went to Target and bought the physical CD, we then drove around town so we could listen to it together. My mom hasn't been well and that is one of my favorite memories of us together. It's silly but when you're in middle school that kind of thing is important to you. Then in high school I actually got MADE FUN OF for wearing Taylor merch and being excited about Red. BUT I loved her music and felt like she actually stood for something, so I brushed it off and continued to be a HUGE Swiftie. I had the Taylor Swift dolls, I had the perfumes, I had the LOVE LOVE LOVE bracelet, I had the sundresses from WALMART. I saw her on the Fearless and 1989 tours, I had the fucking 1989 haircut. I was supposed to go to Loverfest.

I was still a HUGE Swiftie during the post 1989-pre Reputation eras, then the Reputation era. I'm a few years younger than her, but I felt like I could relate to the kind of manic panic that she was sharing with us (lol turns out I was just unmedicated and we're doing much better now). It felt (in my probably naive mind) like she was experiencing the same insecurities that I was and reacting accordingly. Was she playing the victim at times? Oh 100% BUT I also fully believe that she thought she was one. (Plus... Kim is my least favorite Kardashian lol)

I LOVED the Lover era even as it was shit on at the for the sunshine rainbow hyper colorful aesthetic. Like, I don't know if new fans realize but when Lover was released? It was NOT as beloved as it is now. Then Folklore and Evermore were absolute genius, it felt like Taylor had grown up, and she got all of these new fans, which was great! She was in an "adult" relationship and her music and publicity choices seemed to reflect that. It was so refreshing to see a celebrity keeping their personal life, personal, and sharing what they wanted to share through music. Midnights broke all kinds of records, again, amazing! Even if it wasn't as strong as say Folklore. I fought for my life and got Eras Tour tickets (opening weekend!!) I had the BEST TIME EVER.

Taylor has always been extremely calculated with her public image. She was over exposed during The 1989 era and the public turned on her, so I truly cannot figure out why she is doing it again 100x in this new era of whatever the fuck this is. I don't know her, maybe she is legitimately happy, or maybe this is a cry for help. But I have been so grossed out by her behavior lately, and how in your face everything is with Kelce. It's no secret that I hate Kelce (and people that know me IRL know that it's not a new Taylor related thing lol) and if she actually loves him, fine, that's great for her, BUT we don't need to see it! Yes she was public when she was dating Calvin but ALSO she was what 25-26? She's a 34 year old woman now with the biggest platform of any celebrity ever. She feels too old (and this is not me age shaming her because I would be grossed out if my friends were doing it, and I would be embarrassed if *I* were to ever do it) to be licking a man's face in public like this. This feels like sorority girl in her first college relationship (I was *in* a sorority for a hot second so this isn't hate on sorority girls either!) and not record breaking Grammy award winning artist. ALSO I feel like she used to come across as so articulate and well spoken? Controversial opinion but I thought she sounded like a fucking idiot in that Time Person of the Year piece.

I think that this whole thing is PR for something, but because it just feels too icky to be real, but I don't know what it's PR for, (trying to bury the Matty situation from May? Because if so that just makes me even more sad for him or trying to get back at Joe? Which if that's the case, I feel bad for him too and she's even more immature than I thought) and now, for the first time, AFTER SIXTEEN YEARS I'm embarrassed to be a fan of her, both because of her own actions and also the actions of her fanbase as a whole.

It feels really weird, and I know I'm being parasocial about it, but when the times got bad I always had her music to fall back on and now I just, I don't know it feels cheapened somehow because the current image that's being crafted doesn't match the one that we originally fell for. And you know what, people change, she's a celebrity, I don't know her, what she does DOES NOT affect me any way, and how I feel does not AFFECT HER in the slightest, and I know it's being parasocial but I feel like a big part of me is in mourning about it. Less because of her changing her image so drastically, and more so because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of childhood and joy that used to be associated with her music for me and I think that's what's making me the most sad.

I have Eras tour tickets for one of the London dates this summer. I'm probably going to still go, because I paid for them, and I also have tickets to see Noah Kahan that same week in London (... and also the Longines tour has ALSO decided that the London stop is that week...) But I don't consider myself a "big fan" anymore. Maybe I will be one day again, but this current image that she's putting out just isn't it for me.

Sorry for the longest Taylor related novel in existence, I have had a lot of bottled up feelings about this that feel ridiculous typing out and sharing out loud BUT I know I will feel better sending them into the interwebs and your ask was the perfect catalyst.

Thank you so much for sending this in and for your continued support! I hope you continue to enjoy my fics and my secret sports hot takes 😂

❤️Ally

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Oh No! Here Comes Trouble: Chuying Meta (via some key aspects of her growth)

If Guangyan is a fussy housecat and Yiyong is a tired puppy, Chuying is a bit like a tenacious bunny (the cop in Zootopia) who doesn’t look like she can throw down but absolutely wants to and will at the slightest provocation (Tbh I think she would be like this regardless of career choice).

I see a lot of posts and have written myself about the coming of age for our two male leads, but make way now for the queen, because Chuying’s development from the start of the show til the end is *chef’s kiss* as her friendship with her fellow disasters and her involvement in the cases evolve and come to change her. It's such a breath of fresh air to get a female lead character who isn't a carelessly added, poorly written and/or demonized figure. She is as complicated and brave and awkward as her bros, and her journey to maturity is oddly beautiful. Emphasis on odd. I especially want to focus on a turning point in her growth, the incident where the trio drinks together to celebrate (Chuying's words) her promotion.

One-Per: Two Years Ago...

Our first impression of Chuying is that she’s bored and feels cramped by her life, a la Belle in Beauty and the Beast. Poor kiddo is stuck at a desk or on light duties as a traffic cop, and the biggest thing in her normal day is setting up a table for a visiting calligrapher--hardly the stuff of Dirty Harry or Sherlock Holmes. We also see hints (similar to Guangyan and Yiyong) of personality traits that Chuying carries into her work that prevent her from actually being a good, positive force within her unit--traits, linked to her obsession for promotion and adventure, that she needs to grow out of: she steals her boss’s chair for an event outside when she could get a chair anywhere, and she’s so absorbed in her envy of the detectives that she isn’t even listening to the statement she’s meant to be taking from someone who looks like they either got beaten up or were in an accident.

It’s a subtle way to show that a.) the person most in the way of Chuying becoming a good detective is Chuying, and b.) she is so focused on her potential advancement that she doesn’t focus on being helpful in her job in the present, although—as Yiyong points out later—there’s a lot of value in her work right there and then. While the viewer can understand feeling stuck and frustrated in a role that you think is stifling your potential, at the start of the drama Chuying is a public servant who isn’t serving the public.

Chuying, Yiyong, and The First Case

There is one hiccup between her first scene and the case in which she first gets involved: she is one of the early people on the scene of the bus crash. The actress absolutely owns that scene, because her face does all the work to tell us this is clearly the most death she’s ever been around, the highest stakes, and her day finally has something happening but it’s bloody and tragic and she can barely do anything to help. But she does do something, as we find out.

Fast forward two years and milady is still bottom of the pile, still OnePer. She reports to a detective for a weird case of some missing body, and wouldn’t you know it, there’s a scruffy little shit lurking on the security feed who looks an awful lot like the person she rescued on the day of the bus crash???

Rewatching their budding partnership is particularly hilarious because Yiyong is so polite(ish) and intimidated by her at the beginning, like, my sweet grumblepup, this won’t last long.

(Also the moment he finds out that she gave him mouth-to-mouth is peak adorable Yiyong.)

Once she recovers from the what-in-the-shit realization that this kid has actually found an animated corpse with a spirit inside, full credit to her that she rolls up her sleeves and gets busy--we see her interest in Yiyong's point of view and that although she teases him for seeming like a delinquent, she respects his theories and follows his lead on a lot of things. In a way, Chuying is one of the first people to ever treat Yiyong seriously as someone who is smart and can do good things.

Chuying, Obsession, and Developing Empathy

Granted, Chuying’s obsession is understandable. In addition to the difficulties of being a female cop in a male-dominated workplace, she also lives with the moniker of OnePer—a constant reminder that she wasn’t good enough to pass the test that would allow promotion.

There’s a chip on her shoulder, one that’s narrowed her focus to Becoming A Detective. She doesn’t initially even focus on the practicalities of the job, or what difference she would or wouldn’t make—it’s about attaining that status.

The above scene, in my mind, is such an important scene for understanding both of these characters, and one of the show's big messages about understanding and empathizing with others. We find out here that Chuying is getting promoted, but that it's only because she managed to find (thanks to Yiyong) and solve (again, in large part thanks to Yiyong) multiple cases. So in her mind, it makes sense to thank him, and to carelessly joke about how meeting him has been so great for her (forgetting the first time she met him was the worst day of his life), and that all of these cases (involving grief and sorrow and loss and suffering) have been so great for her. Chuying isn't mean-spirited here, just thoughtless of her impact on others--and the show wants to tell us, this is an important problem for people in the world who regularly move through it without consideration for others. Chuying's carelessness is our carelessness.

Despite their similar kinds of ambition, one of the big differences between Guangyan and Chuying is that Guangyan, who expresses himself well and is a big thinker, is careful with how he talks, especially depending on who he is speaking to, and he has been unfailingly observant of Yiyong since re-entering his life why is that i wonder. Chuying's instinct is to blurt out her thoughts to everyone, but she is thoughtless about it--she doesn't recognize the effect her words and ideas have on people. This will become A Problem as she comes to confide in a certain shady baker.

So here she is, thanking Yiyong for reincarnating the devil, and he grabs the bottle. I have to tip my cap to these actors, because all three of them perform the hell out of this moment without so much as a single word. Yiyong's actor in particular is absolutely incredible here--the shock, pain, and frustration, along with his attempt to control himself are all in the eyes. He's not trying to hurt her, and he is scarily silent, wordless--the camera focuses on his shaking, clenched hand as he blocks Chuying's efforts to pour herself a drink in toast to their super fun partnership. He's just trying to stop her enjoyment of this awful thing, his eyes are begging her to stop and think about what she's saying.

Meanwhile, Guangyan is worried sick over Yiyong's response and trying to recover the situation--literally, he's catching the alcohol in a cup. Poor Chuying looks surprised and confused. Thanks to constant time spent with Yiyong and a lot of time in his own head, Guangyan has come to be better with feelings, but at this point in the show, Chuying is still focused on herself as the center of things, and while she understands Yiyong thinks differently from her about things, here she genuinely doesn't get what he's worked up about.

That's why I think it's so important when we see her marking down in a calendar to reopen investigation on the closed case they solved that Yiyong wants her to work harder at looking into--it's as though she's between the old and the new Chuying, the old Chuying who will put off doing this unpleasant task right away in favor of her current plans, and the new Chuying who is willing to take the risk of her superiors finding out she's reinvestigating something.

The Worst Baker Ever and the Rise of Detective OnePer

I hate friggin Zhuang Hezhen. And sure, mainly for being a murderous psychopathic creep, but in this post I hate in particular how he uses Chuying to keep track of his own crimes. It's really subtle, how the show does it--from my own criminology studies, I've seen that serial killers like to insert themselves into investigations and psychopaths like interacting with and one-upping/feeling superior to law enforcement. Chuying is a smart person in her own way, but he sneaks under her radar with his dumb baked goods and harmless-seeming demeanor and artful hair/wardrobe.

oh honey, oh no...

It’s something that I think she’ll come to understand Yiyong for—guilt over a situation that she didn’t cause. Because the baker is responsible, and we can only imagine her horror realizing that her innocent conversations with this nice guy who brought baked goods to her workplace paved the road for the museum scene. Imagine finding a person who you can confide in who comforts you and gives you shitty pastry (in an endearing way, i guess), only for them to turn around and use that knowledge to hurt the people you care about, revealing in the process that surprise, your dessert bestie is a psychopathic serial killer.

The guy fooled everyone, but Chuying would likely see it as a failure of her detective skills, because she didn’t see him coming, and when they were in the museum standoff and push came to shove (I'm so sorry, the pun wasn't originally intended) she wasn’t armed, wasn't prepared--wasn't the cop she believed she could be. She couldn’t stop Zhuang Hezhen from throwing Yiyong over the railing, and she couldn’t reach her friend to save him.

I've seen (and obsessed over) a bunch of posts with images of Guangyan's reaction to Yiyong's fall. But we can't discount Chuying's response, although it's quieter and less overwhelming. We see Yiyong with Guangyan much more often than with Chuying as the series progresses, and his growth is easier to trace and more visible--we see him question his career, himself, he's more noticeably introspective. But I think a huge amount of Chuying's maturation to the kind of great detective she can become actually happens in this museum scene, where she's finally called on to execute her duty to protect a citizen and apprehend a criminal. It's up to her. The thing is, we can see now how she's changed. Because looking at the incident as a whole, her bosses won't fault her--as Zhuang Hezhen points out. The new detective caught a serial killer, and did her best to help rescue a civilian, who did in fact survive (in a coma)--they'll be pleased. But she does Not Care at all. Like Guangyan, all distractions of personal glory are gone away from Chuying's mind and she knows what matters to her. Love her for that growth.

When we leave her, Chuying is miles from where she started—she no longer romanticizes detective work because yikes, it’s her actual job now. She is still herself, but wiser and warier, and disillusioned of her grand ideas. No more complaining and confiding in strangers bearing gifts of sugary sweets, no more self-focused caseloads. It doesn't benefit her career to regularly visit a comatose Yiyong and regale him with stories of her work, so when we see her there, it's clear how her priorities have shifted to care about those around her. The weight on her back (the back pain joke is beautifully timed) is her guilt, to some degree, but her optimism is a particular strength in the group--she believes, as does Guangyan, that Yiyong WILL recover. In the typical adventure trio, Yiyong is our Heart/Hero, Guangyan is our Brains, and Chuying is the Muscle.

Raise a toast to the tough, brave woman who grew so much over the course of a few cases and figured out what was important to her. I'm really hoping for a season two where we get to see her as a full-on detective.

[piqued-curiosity]

Honestly ever person ever complaining about their m/f relationship being disrespected makes me slightly angry like go outside go touch grass go talk to your extended family. Like I’m lucky to not face much Homophobia in my family but like… we gay people are so obvious a minority. A minority within a minority isn’t bullying you enough to combat the big heterosexual outsides. Like if that’s your biggest pain issue and isolation that gay people aren’t celebrating and clapping for a relationship they will never have… Like my father side of the family is pretty big he has 6 siblings and all but one person were heterosexual partnered and all their children excluding 4 were also hetero partner like please go to one family birthday you will be very validated and celebrated for your relationship choices

I absolutely agree.

I don’t have a big family at all, to start with it’s small and to add onto that I’m just not in contact with most of them for various reasons. But when we did have family gatherings, all there was was straight couples. My older cousin would bring his girlfriend and it wasn’t just accepted but furthermore celebrated. Couples sat together and there’s apparently one couple in the family that’s heavy on the PDA, which made people uncomfortable not because of heterophobia but just because it’s PDA. In the case of a gay couple, they wouldn’t even think of expressing PDA around family or anywhere in public. Gay couples have to heavily consider if it’s safe to hold hands, for fucks sake. My mom knows somebody who still refers to his daughter’s wife as her “friend”. You never see that with straight couples.

Families always ask people—INCLUDING KIDS!!!—if they have an opposite sex partner. And they’re happy to hear the answer is yes. They don’t even consider that the person might have a same sex partner, and they might be hostile to the idea. But having an opposite sex partner is normal and even expected.

So after growing up with all this, being surrounded and suffocated by heterosexuality our whole damn lives, is it really surprising that gay people mock straight couples? Is it really surprising we don’t give a shit about them? No. It’s also not an issue at all, because as you said, if OSA people are offended they can just go literally anywhere else to get pats on the back for their straight relationships. Opposite sex relationships are celebrated everywhere, and OSA people will live if a couple gay people don’t participate in the celebration.

[imnotoverlyobsessive]

In Your Dreams

Moodboard by @softhecreator

Chapter One: Dreams of You & Me

AO3 info one two three four five six seven epilogue

All my work is 18+.

Everybody knows something I don’t wanna know, so I’ll stay right here ‘cause I’m better all alone, yeah, I’m better all alone. Look, I am not a woman, I’m a god. I am not a martyr, I’m a problem. I am not a legend, I’m a fraud, so keep your heart ‘cause I already got one.- Halsey, I am not a woman, I’m a god

Tim was, overall, a very odd dude. This wasn’t terribly surprising, because he was probably some sort of Otherworlder (she was thinking fae; lots of celebrities were fae), but still.

Lea had met him a few months shy of her twentieth birthday when she was tailoring a suit for some fancy event or other. Much to her astonishment-slash-horror, he’d asked her out. Thankfully, he’d made no advances since then. Unless one counted taking her out to dinner and giving her presents and stuff, but like, he was so rich that she figured it was just the sort of thing guys like him did.

So whatever. 

And okay, maybe most twenty-year-old girls would kill to have a movie star ask them out, especially one they were so attracted to. But Lea did not want attraction. She didn’t want love or sex.

Well, alright. She wanted those things. Very much so, in fact. But she didn’t want to want them. Her mom had wanted them, and her dad provided, and then he’d beaten the hell out of her until she finally kicked him out when Lea was three. She and her two sisters had subsequently been raised in as male-free an environment as possible: all-girls schools and absolutely no boys (not that that’d ever stopped her younger sister, Ari, from sneaking out to meet them, but Lea was too anxious and terrified of boys for that, and their older sister, Lina, was a lesbian, so she wasn’t interested in them, anyway).

In any case, she was better off alone. That’s just how it was. It’s how it was meant to be.

Until it wasn’t.

Until it fucking wasn’t.

Lea got confirmation that Tim was an Otherworlder the first time she saw him appear out of nowhere in a puff of black smoke.

She was sitting on her couch in her shoebox New York City apartment, eating chow mein takeout in her pajamas and going over her Intro To Cinema Studies homework.

And then there was a crack! and black smoke filled the tiny living room.

Lea’s head snapped up, and she found none other than her weirdo best friend sauntering towards her fridge.

“Tim, what the hell?” she demanded after several beats of shocked silence.

He spun on his heels, one of those terribly disarming, heart-stopping grins on his too-perfect face.

Lea steadfastly ignored the thumping of her heart in her chest.

“Did I surprise you? My bad,” he told her, sounding entirely too pleased with himself.

She glowered at him. “I’m doing homework!”

He shrugged, sauntering over to her. “Which class?”

Lea finished the last of her chow mein and sat back. “Cinema Studies. Never mind that, though— what’s up with the appearing-out-of-thin-air-in-a-puff-of-smoke thing?”

He tensed as he sat down beside her on the couch, which was really more of a loveseat.

When he didn’t say anything, she added, “Dude, I don’t care if you’re an Otherworlder. It’s fine. Just, like… be honest with me about it, y’know?” She smiled encouragingly. “Don’t wanna have any freaky fae shit used on me.”

He stared at her for a long while before saying, very softly, “I wouldn’t use anything on you unless you asked.”

“Thanks, I guess,” she hummed. “You not gonna tell me what you are, then?”

“Uh…” He scratched the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Not… not yet, no. Is that okay?”

Lea shrugged. “It’s your choice. Figured I’d need to sign an NDA or something.”

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t…” he trailed off momentarily. “I know you wouldn’t say anything to anyone.”

She gave him a small smile. “Yeah.”

He gave her another heart-stopping grin, and she tried to ignore the way her heart stuttered.

The birthmark—the one that was pink and raised, like a scar, lines crisscrossing each other to form a star with eight points—on her hip burned. She scratched it mindlessly.

“How old are you, anyway?” Lea asked idly one day in between back-and-forth popcorn tosses on his fancy rich boy couch.

Tim paused momentarily, then resumed chewing.

She tried very hard not to stare at the way his jaw moved when he chewed. She was successful. Mostly, anyway.

He swallowed, and she also mostly succeeded at not staring at the way his throat looked during that action (absolute harlotry on his part, really, if you think about it). “Uhhhhhh…” he trailed off, raking a hand through his curls and pursing his lips in thought.

She wondered if they tasted like popcorn. 

No, bad Lea, no kissing thoughts, bad, bad, very bad—

After a few beats of him thinking, he finally shrugged and said, “No clue,” before resuming eating his popcorn.

She stared at him. “You… don’t know how old you are?”

He shook his head. “I remember stuff.” Another pause. “But you kinda just stop counting after awhile, y’know?”

She nodded thoughtfully. “I guess that makes sense.” Then, “What sort of things do you remember?”

“Mostly boring stuff,” he admitted with a rueful smile, “but some cool stuff, too.”

“Like what?”

Tim looked at her thoughtfully for a long moment. “Maybe I’ll tell you someday.” She pouted, and he laughed. “Don’t make that face!”

“Why not?” she whined, deliberately intensifying her pout, sticking her lower lip out even further.

He shot her that grin again, the one that simultaneously gave her heart wings and weighed it down, and then he reached over and poked both her cheeks. “‘Cause when you make that face, it makes me wanna give you anything you ask me for, which is dangerous.” He said the last word in a baby voice.

Lea rolled her eyes, swatting his hands away. “I’m not dangerous, stupid,” she muttered, a light dusting of red permeating her cheeks at his touch.

He grinned again, leaning back on the arm of his couch. “If you say so.”

Tim was a touchy-feely guy. Like. Really touchy-feely. He spent a lot of time holding her hand or cuddling with her on one of his sixteen bazillion couches (fuckin’ rich boy, man). Sometimes even both. Like, at the same time. 

Her friends didn’t believe her when she insisted it was platonic. But like, if it wasn’t, if he had feelings for her, he totally would’ve said something, right? He absolutely, 100% would’ve made a move. He’d never mentioned it, never talked about his dating life, but she was certain he knew what he was doing in that regard. Movie stars—not that he ever called himself that; in fact, he was extremely uncomfortable with the term, but he was one whether he was comfortable with it or not—really got around, didn’t they? She was pretty sure they did. And one as sweet as him, as gorgeous and perfect as him, not to mention dripping sex appeal like he’d taken a goddamn bath in the stuff.

It was a good thing that his feelings for her were platonic, though. It wasn’t like she had feelings for him or anything. 

Okay, so maybe she had feelings for him. Big whoop. It was Timothée fucking Chalamet, of course she had feelings for him. He was an orgasm with legs, so she really couldn’t be blamed for the amount of staring she did.

On the plus side, though, she was pretty good at not letting her interest in—or intense and very sexual desire for—him show in her facial expressions or actions. Other than the staring, of course, which again, she could not be blamed for.

All in all, she was getting by decently well despite her stupid feelings that were doing their damnedest to fuck up the first friendship she’d ever had with any guy ever.

And then the dreams started.

She was dreaming. She knew she was. It was a lucid dream, which she’d only had a couple of times before. 

It was a strange one, lucid dream or no; she was at Tim’s apartment, sitting next to him on one of his sectional couch in his living room. Something she didn’t recognize was playing on the TV, and it was dark outside the floor-to-ceiling windows. It wasn’t a memory, but rather something her imagination must’ve come up with.

“This is a weird dream,” Lea observed.

He grinned at her. “And why is that?”

“I don’t usually dream myself at other people’s houses,” she said with a shrug. “But maybe dream-Tim will be up for things real-Tim isn’t.”

“I think you’d be surprised what I’m up for,” he chuckled.

“In general?” She raised her eyebrows at him. “Yeah, probably. But with me… no, I don’t think so.”

Tim draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her up against him. “And what would you like dream-Tim to do with you that you are under the mistaken impression that real-Tim would not do with you?”

She laughed, nestling in closer to him. “Just this is nice for now.”

“Yeah,” he agreed with a smile. “I like being close to you.”

“You’re the cuddliest motherfucker on the face of the earth, I know,” Lea giggled. “I’d never tell you this, but I’ve always thought that was really cute about you, even though it makes me nervous.”

His arm tightened around her. “Why does it make you nervous?”

“Because I’ve got a big fat crush on you, idiot. You’re in my head, you should know this.”

“Why don’t you tell me, then?” he wanted to know.

“Few reasons—though, again, you should know them since I made this version of you up, but whatever, I’ll tell you anyway—I don’t like the idea of being rejected, and I don’t want anybody having that sort of power over me. Not that it’d work between us, anyway.”

He hummed, considering her words. “You have a lot of power over me, too, y’know.” He ran a hand through her curls momentarily. “And I wouldn’t reject you. No clue where you got the impression I’d reject you.”

“You’re just saying what’ll make me happy,” she pointed out. “I know the real you wouldn’t want me like that. We’re friends, but that’s as good as it’s gonna get. You’d never want somebody like me.”

“What makes you think I wouldn’t? You’re amazing.” She laughed at that, closing her eyes and enjoying the feeling of his hand on her arm. “You are!” he insisted. “You’re smart, you’re funny, not to mention unbelievably gorgeous—“

“I am not,” she snorted. “Except for the funny part. You’re right about that; I’m hilarious. But the other stuff? Nah. Not to somebody like you.”

“I dunno what you mean by somebody like me,” Tim started, “but you are very intelligent, which I think you know, and—“

“Okay,” she conceded, “I guess I’m okay as far as intelligence goes, but I’m certainly not gorgeous. At least not by the standards you’re used to.”

“Lea,” he said slowly, “you are hands down the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

She snorted again. “I really like this version of you I’ve dreamed up, I gotta say. But no, to the real you, I’m not.” He was about to say something, but she continued, “Since I made you up, though, hopefully you won’t mind if I cuddle you as much as I like.”

“I’d never mind that,” he promised. “I wouldn’t even mind if you wanted to do more than just cuddle me, whether you’re dreaming or not.”

She draped her arm across his chest. “Yeah, I really like this version of you,” she sighed contentedly. “All of your sexiness and sweetness, none of the lack of attraction to girls like me.”

“I don’t know what you mean by girls like you, but…” He paused before taking her hand in his. “This isn’t me pressuring you. I just want to show you what you do to me.” With that, he brought her hand down and pressed it against his—

Holy fuck, this is a dope-ass dream.

When she looked up at him in shock, he smiled and said, “I’m like this a lot when we’re together. Having you so close and not being able to touch you the way I really want to isn’t easy.” He bit his lower lip, his eyes falling to her cleavage. “Especially when you look the way you look.”

She swallowed, anxious even asleep. “This is a dream, so you’ll do anything I want you to do, right? You’ll be okay with whatever I want?”

His eyes snapped back up to hers. “Well, yeah, of course, but I don’t wanna take advantage of you—“

“I think it’s probably closer to me taking advantage of you,” she pointed out, “but I can’t do this any other way, so…”

With that, she kissed him. He was frozen for a few seconds, but then he groaned and turned towards her more, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her up against him.

She had never kissed anyone before in real life, but this was a dream, and dream-Tim seemed to like the way she moved her lips over his.

He seemed surprised when she climbed into his lap to straddle him, panting into his mouth before pulling away and yanking her shirt over her head.

“Lea,” he said shakily, “what’re you doing?” His hands ran up her sides slowly, as if he were reluctant to touch her. “Fucking hell, your tits, fuck—“

“I can’t have you in real life,” she explained, rocking her hips forward to feel his hardness between her legs. “If this is all I’m ever gonna have, I want as much as I can get.”

“You can have me anywhere you want me, sweetheart,” Tim said hoarsely as she ground against him. “Do… do you really want me to…?”

There was no point in being shy in a dream, so she reached around her back and unhooked her bra, letting it fall onto the rug with her shirt. “Please, Timothée.”

He trailed his hands up her sides to cup her breasts, squeezing them gently. “Fuck, Lea, you’re so beautiful.”

She wasn’t entirely sure how it happened, but the next thing she knew, they were both naked on the couch, and she was rubbing her wetness over his length, moaning into his mouth as she did so. She’d dreamed up piercings for him she hadn’t known existed— multiple metal bars along the underside of his shaft and one directly beneath his tip. This was a strange thing to imagine, but she wasn’t about to question it. 

“I want it,” she begged desperately. “Please, I want you so bad, I’m always so empty, and it won’t even hurt ‘cause it’s not real, please—“

“If you’re sure,” Tim said hastily, reaching down to align himself with her. “Sink down onto me, baby, c’mon.”

It was hazy from there, likely because Lea had never actually had sex and therefore didn’t know how it was supposed to feel, but she knew it was desperate and hungry and passionate, and that he’d given her so many orgasms she couldn’t possibly have counted them.

The dream morphed into another one. She found herself in what appeared to be a closet, though she didn’t recognize it.

Tim was behind her, kissing her neck and pulling down her panties. “You were so gorgeous today,” he murmured in her ear. “I think they were looking at you more than me.”

“Who was?” Lea asked, confused. “What’s going on? Where are we?”

He smirked against her skin. “It’s still a dream, sweetheart. A dream of what could be. Either way, we’re in London. We just got back from the British Film Festival.”

She blinked, turning to face him. “A. A film festival?”

“Mhm,” he confirmed with a grin. Then, taking her hand in his, he said, “C’mon, baby. I’m sure your feet are sore. Let’s get you in the bath.”

He led her across marble floors into a bathroom with a huge tub. Stripping off his clothes, he held her hand as she climbed the steps and sunk into the hot water. As she settled down, however, she realized her breasts were resting on her stomach. This was very odd indeed, because while her stomach was far from flat, it had never been big enough to support her boobs.

She glanced down, only to see that…

Holy fucking shit.

She screamed, clutching her heavily pregnant stomach. “What the fuck?”

He climbed into the tub with her and took her in his arms. “It’s alright, Lea. It’s okay.”

“How is this okay?!” she forced out. “I’m— I’m pregnant, how am I pregnant?! I know it’s a dream, but—“

“It’s just what could be,” Tim reassured her gently, taking her hand in his. 

It was then she noticed the ring on her finger.

“We’re married, too?”

“Your mind is showing you what you want,” he explained gently. “What we both want.”

“You don’t want this,” she said shakily. “The real you doesn’t want this with me.” She stared at him, his gorgeous features clearer than they’d ever been in any dream she’d ever had of him. “God, a baby?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed with a soft, gentle smile, reaching over to rub her stomach. “You’re having my baby.”

“And I went to a red carpet with you, apparently.”

“You did.”

“Why?” she finally asked.

“Because I asked you to, and you loved me enough to say yes.”

She flushed, looking down at where his hand was rubbing her stomach still. “Sounds like me, to be honest.”

He kissed her, and the dream faded away into another.

She was pregnant again, sitting on a blanket in the grass with a small child between her legs as Tim chased after a boy around ten.

“I’m gonna get you!” her dream-husband growled, his hands over his head like claws.

A third child—a girl with her hair and his eyes, somewhere around the age of six or seven—raced over to him with a screech of delight.

She held the child that sat with her closer.

When Tim looked back over at her with a grin on his face and love in his eyes, Lea realized that yeah… she wanted this. She really wanted this.

When she woke up, she was crying.

Tag list

@ellamaianderson @shika1200 @blackqueenstarseed1 @gatoenlaciudad @esmaada @mariaelizabeth21-blog1 @softhecreator @timolaurence @timmymyluv @oddlyenoughiamweird @leecrunchybones @s-we-e-t-t-ea @almostg @vampire-reanimator @leespparker @bubblebuttwade @glizzymcguirex @starberry-cake

To be added, please ask 💗

[mylifeincinema]

My Week(s) in Reviews: September 8, 2024

Got a bunch for you, this week, so let's jump right in...

Rebel Ridge (Jeremy Saulnier, 2024)

Easily One of the Very Best Films of 2024, So Far. Rebel Ridge is a calculated thriller with a smart and balanced screenplay and lived-in performances that never seem forced and never make any of the choices or actions seem convenient. Saulnier milks this premise for every bit of tension possible, and delivers an amazingly restrained piece of cinema that refuses to opt for any of the obvious choices. And the final showdown goes to shit in a manner stays true to the characters while still giving the audiences what they came for. - 9/10

If (John Kosinski, 2024)

Why the heck wasn't this a hit in cinemas?!? This was utterly delightful, through and through. An imaginative, heartfelt exploration of fear, and a celebration of holding onto any shred of childhood you can, for as long as you can. The cast was stellar, and the realization (which probably took me about twice as long to realize than it should have) hit me like a brick, absolutely destroying me in the best way possible. - 8.5/10

The Watchers (Ishana Shyamalan, 2024)

I mostly didn't find it as bad as the reviews led me to believe it would be. But I do think—overall—it fumbled a potentially interesting/terrifying premise with flat characters and amateurish handling of suspense. - 4.5/10

The Boy and the Heron (Hayao Miyazaki, 2023)

The animation—especially the early fire and subsequent flashbacks—is unsurprisingly stunning... absolutely stunning. And Miyazaki's world-building is straight-up magic, as always. However, the actual plot didn't quite hit me the way his other films have, and it dragged big-time in the second act. - 7/10

Drive-Away Dolls (Ethan Coen, 2024)

Far and away the worst thing either Coen brother has ever been involved in. Just a stupid, boring little road trip movie with unlikable/annoying characters and the most watered down Coen-esque plot imaginable. - 3.5/10

Wicked Little Letters (Thea Sharrock, 2024)

A really fun acting showcase for Olivia Colman and Jessie Buckley, and very little else. - 6.5/10

Role Play (Thomas Vincent, 2024)

Only watched it because I was bored and didn't know what else to watch and I'd had it in my queue since its release because of Kaley Cuoco. It's really bad. A boring rehash of so many other mediocre movies, but without any of the style or star power. However, Kaley Cuoco looks amazing in that wig, and Bill Nighy has a really fun minor part, so it wasn't a complete waste of time. - 3/10

I also revisited Close Encounters of the Third Kind because my parents visited Devil's Tower recently and their pictures got me in the mood for one of the very best sci-fi films ever made. Then I needed some comfort horror one night, so I watched Scre4m again. I needed something Criterion one afternoon so I watched Powell & Pressburger's wonderful A Matter of Life and Death, and now I've been jonesing for a revisit of The Red Shoes, but haven't gotten around to it, yet. And finally, just tonight I rewatched Beetlejuice to prepare for going to see the sequel on Tuesday.

Enjoy!

-Timothy Patrick Boyer.

[scandalous-smut]

Ever work in a kitchen? It's a hot, thankless job that can crush the souls of the people that are passionate about the job. We are the ones that will pick up the slack when someone doesn't give a shit, the ones that never request days off; I'm beyond happy that my current job won't allow us to cash out PTO. As I've cashed out pto the last 5 years and continued working, because of being underpaid I couldn't afford to not make the overtime on my check.

It's bullshit how we never get the holidays off, requesting a child's birthday a month in advance is often denied because of being understaffed; which often happens because of being understaffed, from being underpaid. It's torture in our mental health, and #scandalous by nature. They know most of us have no passive income, and can not afford to miss a day's work, even to celebrate your son's first birthday, his first thanksgiving, his soon-to-be first Christmas -- nope, we continue to work, cooking food for the masses that choose to eat out on holidays.

Then there are times that family emergencies happen, and you NEED to take time; but it becomes a choice of do I continue to support my family, or be there for my family and end up homeless or without necessary utilities.

My father's lung cancer came back and his treatments are daily for the next two weeks, and I can't afford to take the time off to drive him to and from. So when it starts getting bad for him, he will end up sleeping in his car, 54 miles from home. My dilemma? I'm already so far behind that I can't afford to take the fucking time off to do this for him, or I risk my two son's and fiancée's place to live, my place to live, my father's place to live. Two weeks, I'd be so far behind I would end up homeless. Someone who has almost 7 years experience in a kitchen and I can't make enough money to help the person who instilled this unrealistic sense of work ethic in me, my father.

It is absolutely soul crushing, knowing I have to make a choice this unreasonable, this unrealistic. A choice NO ONE should ever have to make; keep the family that created me warm and fed, or help my father that created me through his lung cancer treatments.

I don't often pray, as I'm not a very spiritual person. I have been praying about this choice and what I should do since he told me two weeks ago. I pray that no one else ever feels this sense of failure and loss of direction. I pray no one ever has to make a choice like this.

Tbc my phone is dying and I don't wanna lose this.

So it took me a bit of time to get back to this. I did not turn my phone back on that night, just spending time with my son's, fiancée, and father. I chose to help him, and amazingly enough my chef's were more than understanding. It is still crushing me, but I have actually picked up a few side jobs using my talents in reading and writing to make some extra bucks. (If you need some writing done, I can save you the time so you can focus on what you need to do elsewhere!)

I guess in the end, it all worked out; at least for now, I am not a very religious person, but I have been lifting prayers up to keep him in good health. My two son's adore their pawpaw, and I don't even want to think about a world with no parents.