#Where's the trans people??? I have not found out how to text ppl

[doppelnatur]

Cis people be texting frfr

[vhvrs]

Hello I'm so sorry to randomly put this in your inbox, but I have some real questions that I'm kind of too scared to ask anyone else?

I think I'm... I think I finally admitted that I might be trans? I think? I've been so terrified of calling myself that, especially out loud, because I've been so scared that I'm accidentally being transphobic when I can't even figure out my own identity? I'm AFAB, and I like having a very pretty "girl" body and even adore hyperfeminine "girl" things. Like, I love girly stuff and dressing like a girl? Is it the looking like a girl I like? But like, something has always felt off and like it wasn't quite right to just be a "she"? It's so hard to explain because for years I was just a girl, using feminine pronouns and everything. But as I've gotten older, I found myself using they/them more and more often, but it's actually in the last week or so that I've started using he/him pronouns officially instead of just in my head. And guess what? It felt amazing doing it! But here's my problem: What is it called when you're AFAB, do still really like very feminine things and "looking/acting like a girl", but want to use he/him pronouns? I'm so scared and confused and I feel so ashamed because I'm scared I'm just CIS with extra steps? Like, I see a lot of posts that say a lot of people are just muddying the waters and making things even harder for other transgender people, and I would never want to hurt anybody like that! I've tried Googling my question several times, each a different way because I was worried I wasn't wording it properly? But all the results I get are mixed and I'm confused what they mean. Am I allowed to be a boy that's... like, likes being a "girl", just not called a girl? Or at least isn't called a girl all the time? Just sometimes when I feel like it? Maybe?

I know this is all some really heavy stuff and I'm so sorry for just dropping this on you, but I really need help and I don't know where else to turn. If you're unable to help, do you know some other resources that I might try to look for? I'm sorry. You just seem so confident in yourself and your art has been really helpful, but I wanted to ask because I was hoping that I could maybe just get, like... even a sliver of what might be wrong with me? As dumb as this sounds, I'm scared of just being CIS (Again, I am so sorry for this long post, this text really got away from me)

hey i appreciate you feeling like i was the person to come to w this off the bat and not to fret about the ask at all bc im abt to overexplain myself right back - ive been in this exact same position actually! i had a long struggle moving from being a girl into being where i am now and where i am now is.... who knows! ive been figuring myself out for like. eight years at this point n i expect to keep figuring myself out even longer. the train of thought youre on reminds ne a LOT of how i felt when i started thinking i wasnt cis though so ill just kindve. dump what has helped me? and you can take what you want from it.

point blank anyone who says its possible for other trans ppl or even just ppl exploring their gender to bring harm back into the community are full of shit. they said this when i thought i was a genderfluid demigirl eight yrs ago. theyll keep saying it. it will continue to not be true. ive had friends who explored their gender identities and realized they were cis and if anything its really healthy for them and the community! its not bad to go thru that.

on topic, i could try to point you towards specific labels or communities but trying to get caught up in those can sometimes just confuse or scare you more - again speaking from experience trying to google just what i was and what i was going thru. especially trying to figure everything out at once.

like i label myself as a bi agender bc its EASY n to have a vague thing to tell ppl or put on pride icons but at the end of the day, im just theo. thats my identity n that could be yours too! when i think abt my bf, im a gay man. when im watching crazy girlies on a show, im a girl. when i want to buy nonbinary merch bc nobody makes agender merch, im nonbinary. im just theo no matter what.

you dont sound cis and thats the most important thing to remember. even if you were somehow cis w extra steps bc thats. not a thing. even if you looked n acted n dressed exactly as you did when you viewed yourself before all of this but FELT you werent that presentation, you wouldnt be cis. you could like... be a girl but a bit to the left and youd be trans.

also, perhaps changing the language you think abt yourself with may help you rule out whats going on? instead of seeing things in a v binary girl things vs boy things way? its hard bc like. gender based society but trying to not see dressing a certain way as being feminine/dressing like a girl and certain pronouns being like. boy/masculine pronouns can really help! if you mean you dont want to bind or you like dresses, then you can do those things in a masc or fem or any way u want - its YOU doing it. if you want those things to be girl things bc it helps, then theyre girl things! if seeing them as boy things helps, then they're boy things!

im sorry if i... didnt really answer your question or help ultimately but i just remember how much wanting definite answers didn't really help me at the time so i dont want to say like. oh youre nonbinary! oh youre genderfluid! oh youre a demigirl! oh youre a he/him girl! being trans is so different for everyone n thats ultimately why you may be struggling to find specific answers.

honestly? id keep doing what youre doing and trying different gender affirming things like you are. something will click as you do and youll come to realizations that, in that space, will help you a lot. perhaps itll be something that changes but it will click eventually.

i literally felt like i was transphobic towards trans men for having he/him in my pronouns for YEARS bc i wasnt Being Male Enough to earn them. but i no longer see myself as needing to be masc to prove i deserve to be called a he. to me, thats as genderless as they/them. shits weird n personal n a bit cringe.

nothings wrong w you for not having things figured out either. you will. i promise.

[souppippin]

15 Questions to get to know me better!

I was tagged by @gaylonelybitch thank u!!!! <333

1. What is your favourite food/beverage?

fav food: I think its my dads autumn soup and buttered sourdough bread tbh.

2. What is your favourite fandom [currently]?

I am not actively participating in any fandoms atm, but i do enjoy seeing lord of the rings on my dash and also things that i never even watched, where I'm quasi a fan of the fancontent, which is buffy and miraculous ladybug?? idek

3. What shows are you watching [currently]?

nothing actually! I watched some atypical a few weeks ago but the portrayal of autism didnt really sit right with me so i stopped. sometimes i watch star trek?

4. What’s your strength?

i am a good cook and i can make something edible out of the most random food items (stores close on sundays and i have no concept of time haha)

5. What’s your weakness?

for me its the fact that i have pretty shitty executive dysfunctionsand lose stuff constantly, for the people around me that im messy?

6. Pet peeves?

my flatmate is not partaking in the household like at all. pisses me off a bit, because im literally doing the wash up of her visitors

7. What’s your ideal type?

i dont know to be honest!! someone who drinks their respect women, trans ppl and people of colour juice???

8. The last food you ate?

pasta with Ketchup and cheese, which is a valid meal ok???

9. Favourite animes?

i have watched one (1) anime in my life and that was yuri on ice when i was 15, it was good!

10. Regular pastimes/Hobbies?

reading, scribbling, taking long long long ass walks

11. Favourite characters?

idk i like the way that that one fanfic that is set in modern day setting without magic portrays remus and sirius but at that point the only thing in common with the og text is the concept of found family and their names???

12. All-time favourite show?

ok im gonna say the chris eccleston/david tennant dr who series but i know that id enjoy other shows that i have no access to like what we do in the shadows

13. What are you doing right now?

learning for my genetics exam in three weeks

14. How are you? (sob)

my dude..... its ok but thats how high i can go

15. Favourite rest-time activities?

sleep? and when im not exhausted then i enjoy being outside!!!

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

I got tagged for this by the delightful @las-lus​. ta, dear heart!

1. why did you choose your url?

I fell in love with The Amazing Devil (and have yet to fall out with it) and just... yeah. It’s from one of my favorite of their lyrics:

Day by day oh lord three things I pray That I might understand as best I can How bold I was, could be - will be - still am, by god still am

2. any sideblogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them.

Not really, unless you count my old blog that I abandoned due to some interpersonal fandom wank shit on a totally other website that i just... did not want to potentially have to deal with fielding on tumblr as well, and I’d linked regularly to my tumblr so I knew ppl knew where to find me. (I don’t much care any more, it’s @actuallyclintbarton)

Unfortunately for y’all, I do not give a fuck about restricting my fandom reblogs and shitposting to thematically appropriate blogs, y’all get to deal with ALL OF IT. ;)

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

2012! my original username was bemyselfloudly. (i’ve also been through shit like... whatwouldcapdo, queersuperteens, wrotemyown, actuallyclintbarton, cottoncandydumpass, and ruffboijuliaburnsides. I know I’m missing a few lmao. I don’t change my URL on a whim mostly anymore)

4. do you have a queue tag?

I’ve had quite a few! I think the one I kept longest was “always we will queue as one”, from the Avengers Assemble theme song? Mostly bc I forgot to change it for a while. currently, it’s “i promise queue i’m not broken”, from TAD’s “Farewell Wanderlust”.

Other entries: “i’ve got red in my queue”, “to queue the monsters we created monsters”, “i am not queueing away my shot”, “were queueing it man. were making it happen.”, and “abracafuqueue”.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

I randomly found a trans guy’s blog who was... like he wore stockings and heels and makeup and dressed really feminine but was still A TRANS GUY. And that spoke to my lil not-out-as-trans-to-anyone-at-all heart, and so the first handful of posts were probably introspective shit. And then I started reblogging MCU stuff. And then birdie got a blog and I was lost.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

Oh! My icon is currently art of one of my many DnD characters, a gnomish warlock named Cricket! My wife got a commish of her and her halfling girlfriend Ambria on Flight Rising from a particularly delightful artist, and I love it dearly.

Here’s the full piece, btw (with a gradient on it bc the original is transparent):

Cricket’s whole “starting concept” is basically just “Party Girl-era Ke$ha, but a gnome, a lesbian, and bound to a warlock patron”, she has fully helped win a cage match by hitting a guy in the dick with a folding chair, and I love her constantly drunk or hungover lil ass DEARLY.

7. why did you choose your header?

It’s Joey Batey, who sang the line my url/header text is from, but also it’s fuckin HAWT.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH *sob* It’s a post from February with like 63k notes about Quibi doing a quarantine home video version of The Princess Bride.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

I have no earthly idea and I have no way to check. PROBABLY AROUND 200?

10. how many followers do you have?

5,109. Gods bless you all, why are you HERE????

11. how many people do you follow?

392. I am very picky, clearly XD

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

I mean, hasn’t EVERYONE?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

anywhere from “no times” to “essentially constantly”. It really depends on the day and where my brain is.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

Not with any particular blog. I’ve got particular arguments I feel strongly about and will fight any time I see it on my dash, but it’s not a particular FEUD or anything. Possibly the closest is the artist formerly known as zarabitha bc I had serious issues with their headcanons/fandom policing, but that’s ancient news and I’m p sure she never recognized me as a unique individual.

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

i resent them and generally actively AVOID reblogging them. Don’t fuckin try to guilt me into shit motherfuckers, I’m not here for that.

16. do you like tag games?

Yes!!! I don’t always respond as promptly as I’d like, but I adore them!!!!

17. do you like ask games?

Ditto above. LOVE ‘EM. Not always timely.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Probably @seananmcguire​ and @thebibliosphere​ are the closest to tumblr famous amongst my mutuals.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

....I mean, YEAH? it’s kinda a foregone conclusion, I crush easy.

20. tags?

WHOEVER WANTS TO. I mean this. Pls tag me as having tagged you. I just can’t CHOOSE. So fuck that. I guess specifically @jackironsides​ and @persony-pepper​ but specifically pls JUST IF YOU WANNA DO THIS, DO IT.

[professorchaos]

Hey not writing this to call you out or anything (don’t feel obligated to publish it) but as a transfem person I feel kind of uncomfortable with how much you focus on your transfem headcanons of Butters and Kenny (esp since you’re TME)... I’m glad ppl are having more transfem hcs really but I just find it kinda awkward that you’d choose Butters (canonically misogynistic/stand-in for MRAs) and Kenny (one of his personality traits is to consume lots of porn) which are v similar to the (1/2)

transphobic stereotypes of trans women terfs circulate to make us look like misogynistic predatory pornsick men. (2/2)

I’m going to assume that you’re sending this ask in good faith, but I would like to preface my response by reminding you that you do not know me. You do not know my “assigned sex”, nor are you or anyone else entitled to that information. I do not feel comfortable being described with terms such as TMA/TME, AMAB/AFAB, transfem/transmac; these are all terms which ask nonbinary people to define ourselves by our genitalia, so that cis people can mentally label us as “girl nonbinary” and “boy nonbinary”. If other nonbinary people use these terms for themselves that is their personal choice, but I do not use them, and I have never discussed my assigned sex on this blog or any linked to it. It is therefore incredibly inappropriate for you to decide for yourself that I am “TME” based on, presumably, my typing style, experiences I have alluded to, or my appearance. The trans experience is vast, and it is misguided at best to make an assumption like this one. 

That aside, I can understand where this concern comes from. I’ve been thinking about making a post about these particular headcanons for a while now anyway, so let’s talk about it!

TW: CANON-COMPLIANT CHILD ABUSE/CSA, TRANSMISOGYNY. 16+. Reader discretion is advised.

Firstly, as I have stated time and time again on this blog, I do not consume South Park, nor participate in its fandom, with politics at the forefront of my mind. It is necessary to discuss the show’s politics in order to make meaningful criticisms, but despite the frequent criticisms I have made (which I realise may perhaps give some the wrong impression), this is not a crit blog. I read and analyse South Park from a literary and developmental perspective; in other words, I am more interested in these characters and their stories as representations of child psychology and trauma than I am in them as political symbols or metatextual tools. I am aware that they are devices expressing adult viewpoints, and that is perhaps from a non-political standpoint where I find the most to criticise- ten-year-olds are not a good stand-in for full-fledged adults.

This, then, is where I take issue with your points. Butters being “canonically misogynistic” as a literary device utilised by adult writers does not play into my headcanons, not my analysis. The external context of the season 20 arc is not something I am interested in beyond awareness that it exists (because I honestly found it incredibly tepid- it’s written as if misogyny is amusing, which it isn’t). To me, then, Butters being “canonically misogynistic” refers to behaviours which have reasoning behind them within the text. I thoroughly enjoy analysing characters’ behaviour as if continuity as far back as the first season were at play in the writers’ room, regardless of whether or not that might be true. 

You are saying that Butters is a “stand-in for MRAs”, and this is a valid reading! However, I am saying that Butters is a ten-year-old child, affected by their environment and still mentally developing. 

Let me ask you something: can cis girls harbour internalised misogyny? Can cis girls call each other sluts or wh*res, can they call each other bitches, can they decide they hate other girls based on surface interactions with them, what they can get out of those interactions, etc? When Wendy decides that Bebe is too much of a “slut” to hang out with the girls in season 6, do we condemn her as a misogynist and say that she must therefore be a boy instead? We don’t- because that would be bizarre. Granted, there is a particular stigma behind trans women and misogynistic behaviour, and it would be strange to go around saying that every misogynistic man is actually a trans woman with internalised misogyny. Butters, though, is ten, and I think their behaviour is more than likely to change. It’s easy to forget, but in the canonical timeframe, it has probably only been little over a year since they were sent to a conversion camp. They are also a victim of (again, probably relatively recent, since it was mentioned in season ten) incest and CSEM (season five), and were also seen in season five to be forced by their parents to wear a paper bag on their head for looking “like a girl”. Their experiences with gender have not been kind and it is a commonly documented phenomena that abused children will experience some degree of gender confusion, trans or cis. 

This logic can also be applied to Kenny- even moreso, I think, since Kenny is so incredibly quiet that it’s hard to apply authorial intent to her behaviour beyond “the writers probably think that a child being this vulgar is really, really funny”. From my perspective, though (and once again, this is just because of how I choose to interact with the source material), Kenny’s hypersexual behaviours also have extremely obvious roots. Aside from the repeated, violent deaths- which I want to stress, would be so much more traumatising than fandom generally tends to consider or allow for- she has been raised in an environment where not only is pornography extremely accessible (Stuart leaves porn magazines in the open and only chastises her for cutting pictures from them, not for reading them), but there is little to no distance between her and her parents’ active sex life. This is something she has been exposed to since at least the beginning of the show, at which point she was eight years old.

Kenny being hypersexual, I would argue, is not an inherent character trait- it is a result of traumatic experiences. The previously mentioned overexposure to sexual materials, the violence of her deaths and her family, and the fact that she is also a victim of CSE(M) (season four/season five) mean that even with her quiet and introspective personality, she has little scope for what might be an appropriate way to talk about women and girls (I would also like to argue that some of her behaviours, such as her fascination with breasts, could be misdirected manifestations of simple childish curiosity, and even early signs of physical dysphoria made seemingly sexual by her unusually awful life experiences and responses to them). Not to mention that, despite her hypersexuality, she is generally considerate of the girls around her- she appreciated that Tammy Warner was hypersexual like her, but she also actually valued her as a person. It’s usually pretty obvious, when Kenny has a girlfriend, that the other kids are misinterpreting Kenny’s intentions as purely sexual when they are often sweeter and kinder than that (therein lies some of the humour, I suppose). 

What I’m saying, really, is that while I do understand your concerns, I do not feel that the character traits you are assigning to these children can be applied in the definitive way you are suggesting they can. They’re children, and children exhibit behaviours reflective of their environments which change as they get older. If, to you, these children are essentially stand-ins for adults, then that’s your reading, and that’s fine. I am not here to argue with your interpretation or tell you that it is wrong. But to me, they are kids, and I find their experiences and resulting behaviours in many ways reflective of my own. Thank you for reading, and sorry that this post ended up so long!

[deutschedame]

Rant time: So, I shared the following post on Facebook:

“ I'm fucking furious to only find out today that the Dayton shooter murdered his trans brother, NOT his sister. Every single news outlet dead naming and misgendering him for days. Most ppl still don't know about it. Is that how we honor the fucking victims? I'm so fucking angry." --Oregon Trailman 

Flash forward a few hours later (because of different time zones) and I see a comment from my uncle saying I used “poor judgment” when posting. I sent him a PM and it turns out he was mad about the use of swear words. I explained that I found the content more important than the language and told him I’ll be more careful posting next time. My uncle is 78 but super liberal, so he agreed that misgendering is never ok. 

Several hours later, about to go to bed, text from my mom: “I know you’ll be mad at me, but will you PLEASE take down that vulgar post?! There are plenty of other articles instead...do it for me?”

My mom’s “do it for me” rhetoric is nothing new and is a typical strategy of manipulation for her. I am so bugged by this BS. Like, she watches SNL all the time and all kinds of crazy movies or radio shows where people do not hold back with the use of “fuck.” But now she is too fragile for that, apparently? Also the fact that I KNOW she messaged me privately, because she wants to uphold her image on social media a) by not showing that she reads “that kind of stuff” and b) because she doesn’t want her friends/family to know how she treats us when they’re not around. This woman was so emotionally abusive and found a way to make language destructive without swear words, but NOW she is too righteous to stand the fact that her daughter would dare to share a post (again, not even my OWN WORDS!) using “fuck”? What makes me mad is that I gave in and deleted the original post, then just quoted the post inserting [...] where “fucking” was. Next time I will just change the settings about who can see it. Why do I even have Facebook if I can’t post half the things I want to without worrying about what random relatives will think? This is why I feel so much freer and safer on Tumblr, tbh.

tl, dr: When the revolution comes, it will NOT be fucking prim and proper, or family-friendly. Respecting trans lives does not come with a side of “feel good content.” It is their fucking lives and identities that are being ignored. 

[sophygurl]

Okay, time for me to try and remember all the stuff I wanted to make sure and say about my lovely time at WisCon 43 this past weekend. 

Generally, I was just so pleased to once again get to extrovert all over the place in a space filled with amazing people. I got to hang out in my adjoining room full of my pals where we got to touch base with one another between running off to do other things and download our days to one another each evening. I got to enjoy several nice meals with friends I rarely get to see and acquaintances that I admire and respect. I got to have fascinating conversations with combinations of friends, acquaintances, and strangers in the lobby and at parties and in the hot tub. I got to sit on panels with intelligent and creative people with all different perspectives. I got to show off fun outfits and feast my eyes on everyone else’s cool shit and do the smile-and-wave at people I only see once a year even if we never got the chance to actually sit down and talk. I got to meet lots of new people and have adding frenzies on twitter and just generally delight to my heart’s content in awesome smart nerdy people who are also feminists with intersectional leanings - many of whom were also disabled and/or queer in a variety of ways. This is all what I just adore about WisCon so much. And it did not disappoint. 

Being my 10th WisCon, I have stopped being utterly shocked that people might know/remember me. But I’m still a little bit amazed and delighted by it - especially when it comes from folks who I admire a lot and also have not spoken to more than once or twice. I know some people are just better at remembering and recognizing people than I am? But it still never fails to impress me!

I was a little less schedule-y with myself this year than usual. Which is not to say that I didn’t have full written schedules of all the things I wanted to do (planning is my favorite of my OCD symptoms so...). But I was a lot more flexible about doing things like walking in late to a panel because I got excited to sit outside and talk to someone I ran into in the halls beforehand or leaving a panel early if I felt like I wanted to take my time getting to the next thing. I may have still written down all of the things I wanted to be doing in any given time slot and prioritized them in order - BUT I played it by ear at each time and often did a totally different thing. lol

I still did lots of panels! In fact, I find I get to so many panels that I don’t spend as much time just doing hang-out activities as much as I’d like because there is only so much time in a day. I once again never made it to the trans/genderqueer/non-binary space and only went to the disability space the one time for the organized dinner. Ah, maybe next year!

I also still took notes during the panels I went to, but not as copiously as usual, and my handwriting is getting worse all the time so we’ll see how/if my panel write-ups go this year. 

Getting my new walker the day before the con made a huge difference! It’s been two years since my previous walker broke down and I for sure noticed the difference in how much easier it was for me to get around to have one again. 

On the other end of things, I have really gotten used to my hospital bed and having to sort out how to sleep in a regular bed again was an adventure in positioning various cushions and pillows and blankets around and requiring more lidocaine for nerves that got bungled up. But it worked(ish). 

I also broke the toilet in our room. As in, neither plunging nor snaking did the trick and the maintenance guy had to take our toilet apart and cart it off and put a different one in it’s place. The replacement toilet was not currently in use for reasons that soon became obvious - lots of gurgling noises and self-flushing going on. But at least it flushed! 

A few more specific things:

I found a pair of hot pink denim capri’s at the clothing swap that I’m excited to try out! 

I discovered that my habit of suggesting lots of panel descriptions is more of a thing than I realized. Like, I knew I wrote a lot - I just didn’t realize how much more than the other average con-goer that was. I can’t decide if I should be more embarrassed or pleased/proud of this? But either way, it’s not going to stop me and I already have a huge list of ideas to write up for next year, so. 

Only made it to one party, but glad I got to that one. I find I don’t have the physical energy for dance parties anymore and have never been a huge fan of the sit around and make small talk parties, but the Secret Superhero party that Alexandra Erin and co. throw every year is a good one because 1) they give people Stuff To Do which helps cover for all manner of social awkwardness and 2) there’s already built-in a few people I know and can reliably socialize with a little bit so I have less of that tendency to walk in - peek around - see no one I know (or only see ppl I know already talking to other people) - get intimidated - and leave. 

Had planned to go to a lunch meeting for people to yell about The Magicians (of which I have a feeling my opinions would have largely been contradictory), but accidentally wandered off to lunch with other people without realizing I’d done so! Hopefully the 3 people I wandered off with did not feel as though I’d tagged along uninvited, but I certainly enjoyed the chance to get to know them all a little better. 

Once again did not make it to the Vid Party, but DID make it to the Vid Deep Dive panel, which was great. And have watched a bunch of the vids on the list now and am super excited about vids in general again and am hopeful that this will lead me to actually using my YouTube and AO3 accounts to specifically watch and fangirl over vids more. Vids are like magic to me and vidders like wizards - I am so in awe of their talent I cannot. 

Had some really interesting conversations about religion and fandom throughout the con - starting with my panel on the use of religion in SFF TV shows, dovetailing into a fascinating conversation down at the pool, and ending with some thinky thoughts coming out of the Antisemitism at WisCon panel. Possibly more on that later. Also possibly some more panels on the subject for next year?

Lots of panel topics and conversations this year ended up being about the combination of two subjects very close to my heart: 1) hope and/or redemption, and 2) community. Again, possibly more later and certainly some intriguing panel ideas for the coming year. 

I did buy two books this year! Budget does not always allow for book buying, but I did good on the food budget, so I allowed myself two during the sign-out. They were both from people I like to presume to call friends, which is always a nice plus - to buy directly from someone you want to support financially as well as personally. I got First Dates, Last Calls by Alexandra Erin which I’m excited to read and The Apocalypse coloring and activity book by Theo Nicole Lorenz which I’m excited to color!

I had wanted to get Laurie Mark’s final book in the Elemental Logic series Air Logic, along with the 3rd book (since a friend is planning to gift me the first 2 in the series), because Air Logic has just come out and the author and/or publisher were going to be at-con but by the time I got the Dealer’s room they were not there and by the time I left the sign-out they had not gotten there so it was not meant to be. But I still plan to get those books because I ADORE the series so far and am excited about the 4th. (I actually asked my library to purchase the book and am on the first on the holds list to get it once it’s in, so at least I’ll be able to read it soon if not actually own a copy)

As evidenced by my post the other day, I was thinking a lot about conversations being held about making sure more diverse voices are being heard during panels. I don’t have a lot of advice re: making sure more folks from more marginalized groups show up. But I find I did have a lot to say about making sure the panels folks are on end up being inclusive of many voices whether or not those ppl show up to be on the programming itself. And - I suspect - doing the latter well enough will help to foster more of the former as people will feel safer to come and share their perspectives as well as not feel like they have to always BE The Diversity Voice on every panel they choose to attend/be on. But I am a cis white chick, and I feel like it was mostly trans and poc folks these conversations were about, so I am eager to hear what other people have to say about all of this as and if they’re willing to share. 

I tend not to make it to GoH speeches or the Tiptree Auction because I have trouble with sitting still in a large room crowded with people type events. But as expected, even reading the text of Charlie Jane Anders’ speech made me weep with hope and joy and I hope G. Willow Wilson shares hers at some point so that I might also weep at hers. Those GoH speeches are always so inspiring and thrilling. I love this community. I am so grateful I became a part of it. I hope we can just always always keep growing and doing better to and for one another. 

Panels that I may or may not end up writing up a little about in the days to come: 

(the tail end of) Capitalism is Fueled by Anxiety

Favorite Queer Depictions in Fiction

Polyamory and Alternative Relationships

(the first half-ish of) New Pop Culture for Old Farts

Learning to Hear the Dog Whistle

Mental Illness in SFF

Vid Discussion Deep Dive

Antisemitism at WisCon

(parts of) The 116th Congress

Plus the five panels I was on, which will be less notes and more impressions: Killing Eve, Use of Religion in SFF TV, How to Write a Panel, Found Family, and Speculative Fiction on TV [also the spontaneous The Umbrella Academy panel which was small and informal but still really cool!]

[alien-bodies]

Oversharing Time!!!

(i just made that title up that’s not the official title I’m just Like That)

Ok so @frogyell​ tagged my main account (I am BLEST) but that’s for Refined Star Trek Content and this one’s for excellent moodboard content and garbage so here’s the garbage!!! I’m putting it under a cut bc it manipulates your brain to want to read through 85 fuckin facts about me more wow I love science

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

1. last drink: Water! off to a great start

2. last phone call: my local Hot Topic. I feel like I should also mention I work there. But if you don’t know that and steal my phone you’ll see I have a contact named Hot Topic

3. last text message: Google sent me a verification code, but the last one I sent was to my brother it says “k”

4. last song you listened to: It’s called The Horror Of Your Love by Ludo, if I had to delete all but one song on my 121-song Best Enemies playlist I’d keep this one it’s Peak and kinda has vore but it’s metaphorical. metavoreical, if you will

5. time you cried: during my latest EMDR sesh! I was in Wales and everything it was a Lot I got ice cream after

6. dated someone twice? Big No

7. kissed someone and regretted it? Not really?

8. been cheated on? my ex had 16 anime dating sims downloaded at one point while we were dating does that count

9. lost someone special? yea

10. been depressed? hella

11. gotten drunk and thrown up? I’ve been drunk 1 time and it was when I was playing English handbells at my dad’s church’s wassail night but I did not throw up no

fave colors

12. Black

13. Lavendar

14. Light blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends? Hell Yell!!

16. fallen out of love? k i n d a ? ?

17. laughed until you cried? oh absolutely

18. found out someone was talking about you? OH BOY YUP YUP

19. met someone who changed you? yes! she managed to physically alter my hippocampus without touching it how fuckign whack is that

20. found out who your friends are? It’s always the same miraculous group chat

21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list? sure have

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl? I keep it nice and refined so all of them. My old account is another story

23. do you have any pets? one beautiful and talented cat named Moriarty. A good description is she’s got puppy software on cat hardware.

24. do you want to change your name? listen I’ve been through 4.5 of these fuckers, I like Nate, I’m Quite Finished

25. what did you do for your last birthday? invited 2 pals over, I remember one of them suddenly whipped out I Am The Doctor and the Dr Who theme on the piano out of fuckin nowhere and I was like “Daniel what the hell you’re so talented” and then I hardcore dissociated the rest of the day

26. what time did you wake up today? 10:00

27. what were you doing at midnight last night? chatting w @houseofoakdown​ and also editing my monstrosity of a fanfiction

28. what is something you cant wait for? Going back to school! then I can graduate in my pajamas and eat creamed corn in celebration

30. what are you listening to right now? the same goddamn playlist, this one’s called Battle Cry by The Family Crest, i cri erytiem

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom? probably???

32. something thats getting on your nerves? my brother vaping in the bathroom with the fan on at 12:30am

33. most visited website: tungle dot hell

34. hair color: I started out blonde af now I’m less blonde but still blonde.

35. long or short hair: short

36. do you have a crush on someone: :[] yes

37. what do you like about yourself: i’m hella smart, my moodboards are bangin, my writing is cool af, I’m well-hydrated at all times

38. want any piercings? Big No

39. blood type: A+!!!!! thats me!!!!!

40. nicknames: my brother calls me a goon sometimes

41. relationship status: im married to my laptop

42. zodiac: I was born on the last day of Taurus so I’m a definite Taurus/Gemini power combo

43. pronouns: they/them, tho in some places I use he/him bc The Dysphoria got hog wild enough I decided to pretend to be a trans guy so ppl would take me seriously, but I’m moving more towards they/them everywhere now. 

44. fave tv shows: Dr Fuck, Sherlock (I’m armed with a pitchfork and an arsenal of beefed up tv & film knowledge come on fight me), DOWNTON ABBEY

45. tattoos: in August I will get a bee on my right arm and probably a Secret Word in Gallifreyan on my left it’ll say fuck

46. right or left handed: one time I was bored in grade 10 and tried to make myself ambidextrous but that was a hassle so I’m firmly right handed. Except in archery.

47. ever had surgery: got all 4 wisom teeth out not long ago! I still need to squirt water in my gum holes so I get all the mushy food out :{

48. piercings: I used to have my ears pierced but they’re grown tf over now!

49. sport: first of all what the hell is this question looking for second of all I have a red belt (which is 2 below black belt) in Taekwondo. I really need to do that again hhhhhh

50. vacation: i went to England and France in the summer with my family as a “””grad trip”””, it was lots of fun but my collection of sensory issues extended to chomping and I dissociated so intensely in The Louvre my mom told me to go back outside so I wrote fanfiction while listening to 21 Pilots and chatting w my imaginary friends and it took me like 18 hours to process I’d seen The Mona Lisa with mine own 2 eyes. Also the plane was delayed twice bc we used Air Canada for some godforsaken reason and I had 0 hours of sleep when I went to the Sherlock Holmes museum and I started talkin to this bust of Sherlock Holmes and then I hadn’t eaten enough and we were walking to this bookstore and I said “I need food!” and my dad said “We’ll get it AFTER” then I shouted “I’M GONNA DIE” so I got a BLT from Tesco. 

51. trainers: h

more general

52. eating: the last thing I ate was chocolate chips straight out of the bag

53. drinking: I got another cup of water

54. im about to watch: my entire fanfiction to take 3000 notes on consistency. and by watch I mean read

55. waiting for: my brother (not vaping) to get out of the bathroom so I can PEE

56. want: Orphan Black to be on Netflix so I can actually binge watch it then call my grandma about it

57. get married: idk I didn’t think I was a get married person but since realizing I’m a lesbian it seems like a good idea!

58. career: nurse and a writer. I might just move to London and work double time to write enough scripts I have some street cred then pitch a TV adaptation of Faction Paradox to the BBC and win

which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs bc it means my friends are in my vicinity not Toronto

60. lips or eyes: uh. eyes???????????

61. shorter or taller: i’m 5′3″ and I would love a tol partner

62. older or younger: i don’t think I care

63. nice arms or stomach: what fresh hell does this mean. I’d like a nice stomach free of gastrointestinal issues and acid reflux. not that I have either of those but just in case

64. hookup or relationship: I have 300 many self-esteem issues so imma say relationship

65. troublemaker or hesitant: AU where I don’t have anxiety and I’m a trouble maker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: noop

67. drank hard liquor: I PUT RUM IN THE WASSAIL HELL YEAH also once someone bought me a shot at a queer dance thing bc it was payday and my friend told me to gulp the WHOLE SHOT and then the lemonade so I don’t barf and I was like “brah this is too high-stakes” so I poured the vodka in the lemonade and took sips and everyone stared at me

68. lost glasses: in grade 6 and then my mom threatened to make me wear one of those granny glasses chains so I never lost them again

69. turned someone down: ya this kid Cyrus used to chase me around in grade 5 and I’d run away always he was weird af one time he made out with a folder right in front of me in the middle of class

70. sex on first date: probs not at this point but I’m not opposed to the general idea when I’m less w h a c k e d  u p

71. broken someones heart: Not that I know of?

72. had your heart broken: c o n s i s t e n t l y in the most fricked up ways god

73. been arrested: no but once I booed at the police bc the local nazis (yeah) were gonna have a rally so we had a counter-rally and I dropped in but there were no nazis except one old dude in a MAGA hat showed up 2 hours late lmao

74. cried when someone died: oui

75. fallen for a friend: Big Lesbian Mood

do you believe in

76. yourself: YA BB

77. miracles: not as such

78. love at first sight: nah

79. santa claus: I wasn’t allowed to believe in Santa as a child bc he was “too much like God” sad

80. kiss on a first date: ye!

81. angels: big no

other

82. best friend’s name: I don’t exactly have a proper best friend but I’m goin with Liam

83. eye colour: blue/grey

84. fave movie: either The Force Awakens (bc I love bb8 and I’m gay 4 Rey) or Interstellar shut up

85. fave actor: uh idk let’s go with my brother

WOW THAT WAS LONG JEE🅱️US. I’m tagging @houseofoakdown @spoonietimelordy @gemvictorfromtheponyverse @spockswhales @raesand and that exhausts the ppl I know but you’re all worth quadruple in my heart 💖

[moidse]

bro-- long time no chat!!

things have been better good lately between me and the partner. a few weeks ago- well probably more than a month ago now... i read a tweet that hit me about loving someone fully-- i felt like i was holding back because they are moving away, and so i was shutting them off slowly to protect myself instead of loving them fully-- because i had already made the decision that we wont work out when they move, and i realized that isn’t true necessarily. the future is malleable. And plus reading their ish about me sending emails had me stop cuz i was like ah. lol. but idk i have been feeling like im in a new funk lately

I just miss having good sex. I feel very uncomfortable in my body. I’ve gained a decent amount of weight in the last 6 months and I feel significantly less attractive. I feel bad I’m not having good sex and I do not feel confident that I could attract someone and have better sex with where my body is right now. I also feel uncomfortable to be on camera because of my body weight and I am too big for my cute outfits from last year. I also partly feel like I gain more weight when im with someone and when im single i push myself more to be fit to attract people and to feel more confident going on dates. I almost think I need a pause from hanging out with my partner until I have my workout routine down and i’m taking it seriously, because I know going to their house and doing nothing isn’t what I want to be doing anymore. I want to be working out and losing weight. I want to be working on my creative projects. I want to be moving forward. I need to continue creating content. 

I am missing having good sex again. which is a feeling that seems to swing like a pendulum. it comes and goes every month or 2. The past few times has been me wanting to top and touch my partner and they were like okay i’m cool with that now. and even before that it was about them touching me and why wont the go down on me and then after i complained they just did it, even though before they said they were too nervous. And it is amazing to think of, in the past,, idk 6 months how far they’ve come. They literally didn’t even want to be naked around me, didn’t want me to touch them at all-- and for the first time recently they are asking me to touch them now... but it still doesn’t hit right.... like when i have sex with them the orgasms are soooo small... i cum harder when im alone. which is the sad truth. 

This has all made me better realize how sex is something very important to me in a relationship. I feel like at first I was hesitant to say something like that because I’ve had people in the past act as if all I care about is sex and i’m a fuck boy... which, sex isn’t the only thing I care about but it is something I do care about and matters to me when it comes to dating and there isn’t any thing wrong with that. It took me years to except my sexuality and I learned there is no reason to hide my sexual wants and desires and I feel like people have acted like im some super horny sex freak when I just learned not to be ashamed of my sexual desires, literally like how must white str8 men are, but because im perceived as a black woman, i’m the one who is being deviant.

It took me a long time to accept my sexuality, and then it took me even longer to accept my sexually kinky bdsm desires. It took me so long to learn that there isn’t any reason to be ashamed of wanting to be dominated. I’m allowed to be more masc presenting and be a bottom. Like i really was so embarrassed about that for so long-- probably because I hung out with only str8 white cis men who would find it embarrassing if they wanted to be dominated, because they can only be dominate in bed otherwise other people might judge them... anyways im so glad i do not hang with any str8 cis white boys anymore, they really had a bad influence on me when it came to my views on dating, sex, and women. they all talk about it like women are real people and i also was guilty of that. i’ve grown a lot since being in college. It was when i was half way through college i started accepting the fact that i like the idea of being sexually dominated. i like tall women. i love muscular women. i love people who are tops, dominate, who want to be called daddy. I love all that shit. and when i would mention it to my white str8 cis dude friends they would react in disgust. and honestly it taught me if ppl react that way to my sexual desires that have taken me so long to accept, then they have no space in my friend circles. im basically done being friends with str8 white cis people. they are exhausting to be friends with. 

but anyways, last year,,, ehhh it always feels like it was last year but i guess it was two years ago,, well partly last year.. idk ... anyways when i met o**** That relationship was the first time I was open with someone I was having sex with about being trans and my dysphoria and they honestly responded so well and fucked me in very affirming ways and it made me cry because i had never felt such joy before when having sex and feeling gender euphoria. 

I always thought that I didn’t want to be in a relationship that was like butch/femme when i was a baby dyke. I used to not want a  relationship that even resembled heterosexuality in anyway. but when i was with o**** i felt we had that dynamic of butch/femme. like when we went out it was clear who the “guy” in the relationship was and it was me. it was clear I was filling that role and they filled the other role and to my surprise i loved it. I loved having that dynamic. I loved going to the sex shop with them and the worker helping me get a masc harness and then assuming they want a femme one. I loved knowing that out in public people see me as the guy in the relationship-- because I want to be seen as a guy in general. Being with them opened up this whole side of gender euphoria I had never felt before. That relationship helped me better understand what I want and am looking for. Not to mention the sex was amazing, the best i’ve ever had. 

When we first started dating I would top them and it felt great and amazing. Then when I opened up and said I like to be dominated too, they just slide right into that roll with little to no hesitation. And then they started dominating and topping me and found that they really like it. It was the hottest sex I’ve ever had. I’ve always wanted to be dominated and having a dominate femme is so hot. My sexual dreams were finally coming true. And because things were so easy for us sexually I think I just assumed it would always be that way. 

Its unfortunate that o**** is such a manipulative person otherwise I’d still be talking to them/fucking them. I still think about approaching them with the idea of just having a sexual relationship and not romantic and see if they are interested. but now isn’t a good time with rona. but anyways, Things working out with us so well sexually I assumed that would just be how it is if I open up and share my wants and desires. I didn’t want to be dating o*** I just wanted to be dominated again and I had gotten it out of my system and they confessed that they still see me as the love of their life, which is the opposite of how I felt so it felt like things should end here. But lets be real, I str8 up dropped them, ghosted them, because I no longer needed their fuck because I had found someone new k****. As soon as k**** said they thought I was cute back I was like BINGO and I legit just dropped o****. I felt like a beast. I felt like a boss ass bitch. Like damn, I have never gotten back with someone to have a good time to just drop them once I found someone new that maybe has potential. 

But me feeling like a boss ass bitch came to a halt when like a day later or something k**** was like im really busy with pride and then im leaving for the summer. I was like wow great. I really didn’t want to take this L so I went out of my way to hit on them constantly at cpride as much as I could. Then I finally got them to agree to see be before they leave. it went well. then over the summer I was soooo anxious about every email. I just didn’t want them to lost interest in me and also it was hard to respond to their emails because they were boring lmao. I also was stressed because there was like zero flirting going on and every time i’d try to move the conversation there they would take two steps back. This made me even more insecure and not sure if they even liked me. And I made the stupid move of not trying to hit on anyone else out of fear of them coming back and me having to pick one or explain and shit. meanwhile they were dating other people. its so annoying. its so annoying that im the one not satisfied and they got to date and be with other people... but i guess thats just cuz no one else wanted to be with me......I was literally only okay with it cuz i thought s***** liked me and they didn’t... they lowkey played me... but also i should’ve taken the mixed signals as a no, but i wanted to believe it so bad, and it was confusing when they said they want to make out with me more. i thought i was in... oh well... it happens... it just sucks to be rejected. i always feel like the people i want the most never want me, or like the hottest people, cuz i didn’t really like them deeply just mostly sexually. it just sucked because they were giving me every thing k**** wasn’t. being lovey and affectionate towards me.... and we never fucked but they were very open about being a top and wanting to dom and so i was like *tongue out emoji* 

bleh... i just have been missing being dominated lately... i mean i fuckin had a dream about s***** topping me... askvask it was good in the dream....but there is something depressing about k***** having like zero daddy energy. like i really didn’t realize this was gonna happen... like i was str8 up gooped when they casually texted me saying they don’t fuck... i was like wait what?? i felt played that they waited months of us talking and emailing to say that. And I stuck by them cuz I had already formed an emotional bond-- but i’m realizing the tricky part about this is that like having to wait to have sex with someone,, like I never knew if we would be a sexual match and honestly neither did they but it wasn’t a deal breaker for them.. i just feel bad to like help them come out of their shell and feel autonomy with having sex for the first time and shit and for me to be like well you aren’t my type sexually. but it is the truth. they aren’t my type sexually. like the other day i mentioned wanting to be dommed and they were like i dont do that... and i was like ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... i need to be more upfront and say im looking for a top/dom/daddy, or someone who switches and is down to play that way some of the time. cuz this none of the time shit stank. 

I mean, they look hot, don’t get me wrong. they look so good in their little body suits and they really make me wanna top them, but its like they have no confidence in being a bottom too. I feel like that’s why this shit really stank. at first they was like yeah i’ll touch you but dont touch me. But also I am not into being a top/dom. but also you can’t touch me so this is all you can get. Me, unenthusiastically rubbing you off. but now that they do let me touch them, it’s like i want the whole bottom experience. like shake ur tiny ass for me baby. run ur hands up and down ur bottom. show me how far you can stretch ur leg. I want a sloppy slutty bottom. I want them to shake their ass on my d and bend over for me. Tell me how good it feels. I want our sex to be so hot we can’t keep our hands off each other. We have phone sex and send voice memos because we just need to hear each other cum. I want them to want to ride my d. 

I feel this way every 2 months or so... idk what to do about it. I don’t want to break up with them and be alone. I do want to be having sex with someone else... I just dont have any prospects. 

lets hypothetically think about the idea of bringing up to them that I want to fuck other people. lets say we have that talk and they are okay with it. My worry is if i meet someone nice who fucks me good i will just leave k****. 

i just miss being topped and I dont think I will ever be sexually satisfied in the relationship I’m in and it’s just unfortunate because I was very patient with them and waiting like 8 months before I could even touch them and they seemed comfortable having sex with me and it’s like, waiting that long i was never sure if we were sexually compatible and we just aren’t. And i understand they mostly have been with asexual people and it hasn’t been an issue but i think this wouldn’t have happened if in the beginning we had a conversation about sex to see if we are sexually compatible. 

[estherspizza]

Get to know me (Tag)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

i didn’t expect that our beautiful tumblr relationship has been started by a robot? Thanks for tagging me >w

LAST:

1. Drink: fanta 2. Phone call: my teacher (lol) 3. Text message: my bff 4. Song you listened to: ヒーロー by amazarashi 5. Time you cried: nearly cried (maybe without reasons) yesterday

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: nope 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: no 8. Been cheated on: no 9. Lost someone special: not yet 10. Been depressed: everyday 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: not even at the right legal age to drink

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: black, white and dark blue

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: soon (i hope)  16. Fallen out of love: (lol always cos i always like someone who i’m not supposed to like) 17. Laughed until you cried: yes but rarely 18. Found out someone was talking about you: maybe? 19. Met someone who changed you: everyone around me has changed me forever(mostly positively) 20. Found out who your friends are: yes 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: no? (is this a thing?lol)

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: maybe all? i don’t use it that often 23. Do you have any pets: no, but i wish i had or i will 24. Do you want to change your name: nah 25. What did you do for your last birthday: be at home and waited for death? 26. What time do you wake up: around 10 am (if i have nothing to do) 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: I was (a bit) stressing out after the uni offer was released, and life (mostly life dk what i’m doing wanted death) 28. Name something you can’t wait for:  death 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: just by now 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my social anxiety 31. What are you listening to right now: らしさ by SUPER BEAVER (anime barakamon’s opening) 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes he’s a huge otaku but so friendly tho 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: going to uni and adulting after uni 34. Most visited website: Insta and tumblr 35. Mole/s: yes 36. Mark/s: no 37. Childhood dream: became a bird or be like naruto/sasuke (tf lol) 38. Hair color: dark brown 39. Long or short hair: long 40. Do you have a crush on someone: eh always i mean idk not sure if it’s even a crush i’m too naive to talk about this topic 41. What do you like about yourself: i’m very used to loneliness 42. Piercings: no 43. Blood type: idk 44. Nicknames: have fews but ppl don’t call me w/ the nicknames 45. Relationship status: single (single bell single bell single all the wayyy)

46. Zodiac: scorpio 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV Show: rarely watch tv shows cos i’m too lazy/ busy to watch but recently there’s a tv show in Hong Kong i quite appreciate where they had a topic on trans and homophbia something (i’ve watched 3 seasons of AHS tho and i wanna finish them all also wanna watch GOT, Stranger things and 13 reasons why too but i’m too lazy meh:/ ) 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: yes, on my throat (when i was only 7 i guess?) 52. Hair dyed in different color: natural colours i’m lazy asf 53. Sport: football and badminton but i’ve got no one to play with so running likely 55. Vacation: city exploring 56. Pair of trainers: crimson (from like 3 years ago)

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: depends on mood, i can eat a lot as if i have eating disorder 58. Drinking: any liquid is drinkable in the fridge i drink (sometimes water) 59. I’m about to: die make some double layered milk pudding YAssss 62. Want: to die(okay sorry i’m getting annoying)  draw/animate 63. Get married: not even 18 yet 64. Career: an animator/ illustrator!

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: HUGS 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: both :) 71. Sensitive or loud: between sensitive and loud XD 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship? nah too annoying 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: nope 75. Drank hard liquor: no 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no 77. Turned someone down: yes 78. Sex on the first date: have not been in a relationship 79. Broken someone’s heart: yes 80. Had your heart broken: yes, often i guess 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: no 83. Fallen for a friend: no? yes? no.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: sometimes, when i do really want to fight for something 85. Miracles: no there’s no miracles there’s only fate 86. Love at first sight: yes 87. Santa Claus: no lol 88. Kiss on the first date: have not dated

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Eva 91. Eye color: dark brown 92. Favorite movie: The Maze Runner undoubtedly it’s a film that dragged me into another foreign fandom

got no one to tag XD i guess they’re vv busy rn and if any one of you wanna do it go for it >w

[my-insanity-is-irrelevant]

The same to you - all of them 🎃

200: My crush’s name is: Ryan, Eli, Claire, several others I cant name for complicated reasons 

199: I was born in: 1997/a hospital 

198: I am really: Intense weather in my calmness or excitement 

197: My cellphone company is: T-Mobile

196: My eye color is: Light green

195: My shoe size is: 9 1/2 wide (i usually have to do like a 11 for high heals)

194: My ring size is: ??????? probably big I have chubby fingers

193: My height is: 5′ 6″

192: I am allergic to: nothing unless you count idiocy 

191: My 1st car was: A blue 2007 Ford Focus and I LOVED her

190: My 1st job was: A server for Cheddar’s Casual Cafe 

189: Last book you read: How to Ruin Everything by George Watsky 10/10

188: My bed is: A king with lots o’ pillows and blankets and is very comfy

187: My pet: 2 cats, 5 kittens, 6 dogs, 2 snakes, 1 bearded dragon, 1 leopard gecko, 4 turtles, 1 bullfrog tadpole, and bunches of fish

186: My best friend: is a boy i met a month ago because i have intimacy issues

185: My favorite shampoo is: Dead Sea’s Argon oil shampoo is so good to my poor dry curls

184: Xbox or ps3: I use an Xbox to watch Netflix but I don’t play video games

183: Piggy banks are: Cute decorations but go unused

182: In my pockets: $2, some lint, a rubber band, and something weird i took out of my dog’s mouth earlier

181: On my calendar: I have nothing written in it but it has cool pictures of bears

180: Marriage is: Cool because of the financial benefits but other than that unnecessary to prove one’s love. I want a wedding though because I want a pretty dress

179: Spongebob can: Make me hate my life a 3am

178: My mom: Died of breast cancer and smoked a lot of pot

177: The last three songs I bought were? I can’t remember ever paying for music but the last three i listened to are: Cherry Wine by Hozier, Strong As An Oak by Watsky, and San Cristobal by Mal Blum

176: Last YouTube video watched: A slam poem by Neil Hilborn called Liminality

175: How many cousins do you have? I have no clue? At least 10 on each side, but i’m sure there’s way more than that

174: Do you have any siblings? 2 older brothers, 2 older sisters, ans one younger sister 

173: Are your parents divorced? They were never married

172: Are you taller than your mom? Nope! She was like 5′10′

171: Do you play an instrument? I can play hot cross buns on the recorder and thats the best i can do

170: What did you do yesterday? I slept and ate beef jerky[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: No, but i do believe in lust and infatuation at first site. I think  love takes time to grow.

168: Luck: Yes like, as in karma

167: Fate: Catch me in the right mood and i do

166: Yourself: NOOOOOPE

165: Aliens: Yes

164: Heaven: No

163: Hell: Yes, it’s called Texas

162: God: Naaaaah

161: Horoscopes: I think they’re accurate generalizations

160: Soul mates: Yeah but not like the traditional; kind of way, i think we have lots of people we’re meant to be with in various ways

159: Ghosts: Yes and No i go back and forth

158: Gay Marriage: 100%

157: War:0%

156: Orbs: Idk what this is talking about but sure, ill root for them

155: Magic: No, Im a science gal[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs

153: Drunk or High: High, drinking gives me a tummy ache

152: Phone or Online: Online

151: Red heads or Black haired: Red heads

150: Blondes or Brunettes: Brunettes

149: Hot or cold: Cold

148: Summer or winter: Winter

147: Autumn or Spring: Autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla

145: Night or Day: Night

144: Oranges or Apples: Apples

143: Curly or Straight hair: Curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: Mcdonald’s

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: White Chocolate is the key to my heart

140: Mac or PC: PC

139: Flip flops or high heels: HIgh heels even though i cant walk in them

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: Coke

136: Hillary or Obama: Obama

135: Burried or cremated: Cremated, the idea of rotting creeps me out

134: Singing or Dancing: Dancing but im bad at both

133: Coach or Chanel: Idgaf

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ??????

131: Small town or Big city: Big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target: Wal-Mart

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: I hate Adam Sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure: Manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast: West Coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Christmas all the waaaaaay

125: Chocolate or Flowers: Flowers, preferably potted

124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney i’m scared of roller coasters

123: Yankees or Red Sox: I dont sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: Its stupid and bad and i hate violence 

121: George W. Bush: Okay, looook, i dig his paintings, okay???

120: Gay Marriage: gimme that shit i want that shit

119: The presidential election: I could be down for violence against trump

118: Abortion: everyone should have safe access to abortions, they save lives

117: MySpace: I never had one? Does it still exist? I may make one for fun? 

116: Reality TV: i dont ever watch it, i avoid it like the plauge

115: Parents: Mine were grade A shit

114: Back stabbers: What goes around comes around

113: Ebay: I use Amazon

112: Facebook: Its filled with my racist family, i avoid it 

111: Work: I watch my niece and nephew (twins) and i love it

110: My Neighbors: I don’t interact with them ever

109: Gas Prices: why so expensive pls give me break

108: Designer Clothes: catch me in wal-mart clothes i bough 4 years ago

107: College: I want but cant afford halp

106: Sports: no

105: My family: I love them but they fkn annoy the shit out of me with their political views

104: The future: stop.[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: My niece yesterday

102: Last time you ate: I am eating a bowl of mac n’ cheese right now

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: I saw my sister’s in-laws last week and i loooooove them! I made slime with the kids

100: Cried in front of someone: When i found out my ex was cheating on me like two months ago

99: Went to a movie theater: Went on a date with a cute boi like a month ago and w saw Baby Driver it was so good

98: Took a vacation: The only vacation ive ever took in my life was with my ex and his family to Florida last summer

97: Swam in a pool: Less than a week ago

96: Changed a diaper: Yesterday, i change them for a living

95: Got my nails done:last summer

94: Went to a wedding: My oldest sister got married last week!

93: Broke a bone: when i was like 3????

92: Got a peircing: two weeks ago i got my nipples done

91: Broke the law: this morning when i got high

90: Texted: Im texting cute bbs  right now[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: My boi Ryan who is a fkn idiot i love him

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: I already left home and only miss having someone else cook and clean because my roomates are hopeless

87: The last movie I saw: The Last Five Years

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: When i can move far north and start a loving and respectful communist sex cult

85: The thing im not looking forward to: Getting up for work at 5 in the morning

84: People call me: lame

83: The most difficult thing to do is: exist

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: i sure haven’t i’m Safe

81: My zodiac sign is: Libra

80: The first person i talked to today was: Ryan

79: First time you had a crush: i liked a boy named Antonio in second grade

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one? 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: Ryan last night when we said a stupid Ricks and Morty quote at the same time

76: Right now I am talking to: my cat Beatrice 

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: probably cry a lot

74: I have/will get a job: working with kids!

73: Tomorrow: I will be very tired

72: Today: I am very tired

71: Next Summer: I will be very hot

70: Next Weekend: Im going to tie ppl up with rope

69: I have these pets: see 187

68: The worst sound in the world: A baby crying because they’re hurt or sad

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex inbox me for his url so you can tell him hes a meanie

66: People that make you happy: My nieces and nephews and also my bff

65: Last time I cried: last night because the damn dog was so cute

64: My friends are: amazing and deserve the world

63: My computer is: slow and bad but i still love her

62: My School: was down the road from a prison, which my mom was in years ago

61: My Car: is old and smells like my mom’s cigarettes 

60: I lose all respect for people who: are racist, homophobic, sexist, trans-phobic, Islamophobic, anti-semetic, ect. 

59: The movie I cried at was: the beginning of Guardians of the Galaxy

58: Your hair color is: Auburn

57: TV shows you watch: Game of Thrones, Criminal Minds, Sense 8

56: Favorite web site: tumblr.com

55: Your dream vacation: stargazing in Alaska 

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when i fucked up my siatic nerve in a car wreck in January 

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium-well

52: My room is: cold and messy and covered in kittens

51: My favorite celebrity is: Harry Styles

50: Where would you like to be: on a beach in Iceland with a person playing a ukulele 

49: Do you want children: Only if i have more than one long term partner living with me 

48: Ever been in love: Yes 

47: Who’s your best friend: see 186 its Ryan

46: More guy friends or girl friends: no

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: when my cat comes to me and just lays where shes barely touching me 

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: My best friend from high school who committed suicide 

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: no

41: Have you pre-named your children: I want to name my kid Coraline but id also like to do something not defined by a single gender?

40: Last person I got mad at: My sister because she left the dogs inside all day while i was at work even though shes a stay at home mom and so the poor things had accidents and no one was happy

39: I would like to move to: Canada

38: I wish I was a professional: mom[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: white chocolate truffles 

36: Vehicle: vintage beatles 

35: President: Alexander Hamilton

34: State visited: Florida

33: Cellphone provider: ?????

32: Athlete: ?????

31: Actor: Nat Wolf

30: Actress: Maise willams

29: Singer: Radical Face/Hozier

28: Band: Bad Books

27: Clothing store: Wal-mart

26: Grocery store: Joe-V’s Smart Shop

25: TV show: Game of Thrones

24: Movie: Swiss Army Man

23: Website: see 56

22: Animal:  Monitors 

21: Theme park: i dont do theme parks

20: Holiday: Halloween

19: Sport to watch: does Yuri on Ice count?

18: Sport to play: no

17: Magazine: i don’t read magazines but i heard Teen Vogue is doing wonders

16: Book: The Kite Runner

15: Day of the week: Wednesday’s Child is Full of Woe

14: Beach: wherever i was in Florida 

13: Concert attended: Warped Tour 2015 there was a band called Onwards ect. it was so good

12: Thing to cook: homemade flour tortillas 

11: Food: Cheese enchiladas

10: Restaurant: This cute little place named Marianne’s thats down the road from my house she makes the best tamales 

9: Radio station: 94.5 The Buzz

8: Yankee candle scent: Clean Linen 

7: Perfume: i dont

6: Flower: Lilies 

5: Color: pink

4: Talk show host: Steve Harvey

3: Comedian: John Mulaney

2: Dog breed: Pit Bulls

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? 100%

[timaltman]

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose however many people you want to tag!

tagged by: @hsinlvegas who has gotten me addicted to pinterest aesthetic boards and i’m mad at her for it but she’s still p rad. 

tagging: whoever wants to do it lmao idk it’s 2:30am here idek whats up or down rn i should probably be asleep but also like.... no.

LAST… [1] drink: water (i’m so exciting /sarcasm) [2] phone call: my mom called me while she was driving home from work  [3] text message: “oh my god no. not the kidz bop. pls no” - to my sister [4] song you listened to: reaching by audiomachine (which is so good pls go listen to it) [5] time you cried: last night thinking about steve irwin and how i owe him my entire life and career bc in 2 weeks i’m starting my first official zookeeping job and he was a huge inspiration for me as a kid 

-REST UNDER THE CUT-

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) all the fuckin time my dudes [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no but i’ve gotten so anxious i’ve thrown up??

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] teal [13] pale yellow [14] silver

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes! [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: yes [18] found out someone was talking about you: yeah i mean i’m sure there are like three people who bitch about me all the time lmao [19] met someone who changed you: yes~ (in a good way)  [20] found out who your true friends are: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ -bitter fucking laughter-  [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: ye - my wonderful girlfriend~

GENERAL… [22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: i mean, i’ve met a lot of them after becoming friends on tumblr, but then i have some old high school friends and some internship friends on here, too.... so like 10 or so? probably a few more than that. [23] do you have any pets: my asshole cat, robin: the cat wonder, lives with me in my apartment. at home i have a beagle/terrier mutt named copper and a gray tabby named dusty. i’m hoping to maybe get a ball python this summer but i’m not sure yet! [24] do you want to change your name: yeah, i’ve considered it b/c trans but i’m not entirely sure what i want yet.... [25] what did you do for your last birthday: wielded a chainsaw, ate shitty walmart cake and watched step brothers with some classmates in a remote cabin in southern illinois? not my first choice but not terrible, all things considered. didn’t lose any limbs that day so i can’t complain. [26] what time did you wake up: robin woke me up at like, 5:30am to get fed, but then i went back to sleep again until 7:30, text billy to have a good day at work, and then i went back to sleep again until 9:45 b/c i didn’t have my 9am class today hell yeah [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: uh, pinterest-ing for my character aesthetic boards.... >_> [28] name something you cannot wait for: graduating college and being the fuck done with schoooooool. also mother fuckin wonDER WOMAN. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: april 23rd [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: how far away all the ppl i care about are :(((( [31] what are you listening to right now: more audiomachine but i was watching friends in the background earlier [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ye my old neighbor was named tom he was real nice [33] something that is getting on your nerves: not in the angry way but in the anxious way- i have to give a presentation on my research project to the college board in like... 6 hours. [35] elementary: yes? [36] high school: done [37] college: sO CLOSE TO DONE I LITERALLY HAVE TWO CLASSES LEFT [38] hair color: brown.... it used to have a white patch and be fun, but i dyed it for superboy and now i’m battling with myself debating if i should dye it back bc “””professional””” for jobs but that’s so boring i want to look like shiro again :((( [39] long or short hair: short god please short, regardless of what gender i present, short is so much nicer since my hair is so thiiiiick [40] do you have a crush on someone: ye my a m a z i n g girlfriend uwu  [41] what do you like about yourself?: noncommittal shrug emoji? i like my eye color i think that’s pretty radical since it’s like a gray-teal color. i guess i’m a pretty good resource for random ass animal facts too [42] piercings: mmmm i mean, i don’t care for them or about them that much? [43] blood type: literally no idea which is probably bad [44] nickname: sunshine, sam, sammy, teddy, timmy, timtam, dad [45] relationship status: -heart eyes emojis @ billy- [46] zodiac sign: aries i think? idk all i care is my celtic zodiac is a fox, so [47] pronouns: he/him [48] fav tv show: f ri ck en brooklyn 99 [49] tattoos: not yet, but after i get top surgery and no longer run the disk of mutilating or stretching it, i wanna get tim’s robin symbol on my chest [50] right or left handed: left!

FIRST… [51] surgery: wisdom teeth were my first surgery, i think? [52] piercing: got my earlobes pierced when i was like, 12? idk i don’t wear them anymore so they’ve all but closed up [53] best friend: this girl on the playground in preschool named asya but after her was this girl named natalie that i was friends with from kindergarten all through junior high. she just got married like, a month ago and i feel old [54] sport: like to actually continue with was soccer - i started at 6 i think [55] vacation: that i remember? disney world b/c my dad had drill down in florida so my parents dragged my sister and i with bc we didn’t have to pay for the hotel lol [56] pair of trainers: wut

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothin [58] drinking: water [59] i’m about to: sleep maybe, hopefully?  [60] listening to: still audiomachine since they just asked this question like 10 questions ago..... [61] waiting for: my anxiety to calm tf down so i can go to sleep [62] want: foooood. i ate dinner really early (5pm) and now it’s 10 hours later so i want food again. [63] get married: -super noncommittal and also confused, disgruntled noises- ?? [64] career: dream career is a zookeeper, honestly. it’s what i’m doing, i’ve worked really hard to get to the place where i am, and i’m happy with it

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: no preference [68] older or younger: usually i get along better with ppl older than me- all my closest friends are older by 2 years or more except like..... amy [69] romantic or spontaneous: anxiety and spontaneity don’t mix lmao [70] nice arms or nice stomach: either or both or neither is fine idrc [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant only bc troublemaker makes me anxious lmao

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nope [75] drank hard liquor? ye i’ve had like. one whole vodka and lemonade in my entire life because i am a raging party animal /sarcasm [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? i lose my contacts in my eyeball sometimes [77] turned someone down? ye kinda. my ~best friends~ have this bad habit of ~falling in love with me~ and then getting pissed when i don’t return the feeling and treating me like crap :))))  [78] sex on first date? nope [79] broken someone’s heart? sure maybe idk. not on purpose. [80] had your own heart broken? no [81] been arrested? nope [82] cried when someone died? i’m a monster and have no feelings so no, not really. i usually go into emotional shock and stop processing everything [83] fallen for a friend: kind of

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? noooope [85] miracles? listen on friday i catered an event and the idiot who packed it up for us on their shift the day before forgot to put matches in the gathering. and the truck drivers loaded it onto the truck before i could check that everything was there. so we got to the location and couldn’t light the sternos for the hot food but somehow we found a box of matches in the kitchenette we were serving out of so yes i believe in miracles [86] love at first sight? maybe? idk not really i really don’t understand how anyone could love someone without knowing a bunch about them first [87] santa claus? billY AND I SAW SANTA ON OUR WAY UP TO C2E2 ON SUNDAY OKAY HIS CAR WAS RED AND SAID “MY OTHER RIDE IS A SLEIGH” AND HIS LICENSE PLATE SAID KRINGLE AND HE HAD A BIG WHITE BEARD IT WAS AMAZING OKAY. [88] kiss on the first date? maybe for ppl who aren’t like. super anxious about everything all the time [89] angels? no

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: marble, emma [91] eye color: teal-gray, which sounds pretentious and White Person af but like..... that’s the best way to describe them [92] favorite movie: i don’t knowwww that’s a hard one ;_; 

[dumbgaypunk]

wanna be nosy asks 0-44 ;)

YOU LITTLE SHIT0. Height?About 5 foot 9 1. Virgin?The most virgin man alive 2. Shoe size?9.5 in men's and 11 in women's 3. Do you smoke?I mean I've tried it but I don't really like it so no not really 4. Do you drink?Occasionally??? Usually it's only on like holidays or special occasions w/ my family really?5. Do you take drugs?(does the occasional weed chocolate count?)6. Age you get mistaken for?Like 25????7. Have tattoos?Yes ;) I have one 8. Want any tattoos?YES I want so many more. The ones I want the most are a watercolor rainbow parrotfish and a Panic at the Disco tattoo that @sensualandspicyhermit designed for me in like freshman year. 9. Got any piercings?I mean my ears are pierced?10. Want any piercings?I'm kinda want a septum piercing but idk how it's look on me 11. Best friend?@sensualandspicyhermit I LOVE U BOO12. Relationship status?TAKEN 💖💕 (i love my bf y'all)13. Biggest turn ons?Idk? Love and affection?14. Biggest turn offs?Bigotry and overall stupidity 15. Favorite movie?Probably Star Wars: The Force Awakens or any Captain America movie tbh 16. I'll love you if:You're Kace 💘17. Someone you miss?Tbh like my entire family. Like I still have almost all of them. But I miss the comfort and the way it used to be with them. 18. Most traumatic experience?Error 404: page not found19. A fact about your personality I'm pretty nice most of the time but if I'm in a mood or you get on my bad side I'm like a major douche lmao 20. What I hate most about myselfBoy o boy where do I start. Probably my voice or my chest21. What I love most about myself My EYES they're like three different colors it's great 22. What I want to be when I get older I mean ideally a musician but I don't think I'm good enough so :/ my backup plan is environmental science 23. My relationship with my sibling(s)I am. An only child. So 24. My relationship with my parentsIt's ok. It was pretty yikes tm for a while but we're relatively close and they're trying to call me austen and he now so it's improving slowly 25. My idea of a perfect dateI mean honestly if I'm doing anything fun with the person I love that would be like the best moment of my life 26. My biggest pet peevesI guess like when people are reading out loud for class and they mispronounce a lot of the words? Also when people ask me really ignorant questions (bc I'm like "THE TRANS" at school so ppl thinks it's ok to say whatever they want to me)27. A description of the girl/boy I like His smile is radiant, he's such a sweet person, he always knows exactly what to say, he has an amazing sense of helping others AND humor, he's just so so great (COUGH @wonderofthemind cough)28. A description of the person I dislike the mostOur president 29. A reason I've lied to a friend I mean? I don't really lie a lot so it'd probably be to like preserve their feelings or if I'm not out to them30. What I hate the most about work/schoolHomework and teachers and other students. So almost everything (I have really big issues with authority AND I tend to get bullied every year since elementary school so :)) 31. What your last text message says"I hate straight boys" LMAO 32. What words upset me the most?"You're annoying" "you're ugly" "I hate you" and "you're wrong" lmao 33. What words make me feel the best about myself?"You pass really well" "You're handsome" "You look good today" "Your chest looks flat" and when people call me He :)34. What I find attractive in womenIdk a good personality and a deep personal connection 35. What I find attractive in men(Ok this is kinda shallow but) Dark eyes, dark hair, a killer smile, and a great personality (aka Kace) 36. Where would I like to live? California rn :/ 37. One of my insecurities That I'm too overbearing 38. My childhood career choiceA veterinarian lmao 39. My favorite ice cream flavor MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP40. Who I wish I could beIdk I like my personality just not my body 41. Where I want to be right nowCalifornia :( 42. The last thing I ate I was gonna make a joke and say dick but it was actually Fritos 43. Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately Brendon Urie tbh 44. A random fact about anything There is no way to treat heartworm in cats bc the only known treatment that works on dogs would kill the cat lmao

[boyjadzia]

omg sara @shinelikeastarlight tagged me to do this super long tag game hlep

tagging: @void-for-president, @the-alexandrian-alchemist, @starboysisko, @magnmite, @yacobeanreign (of course only if y’all want)

last text sent: "cool [thumbs up emoji]”

list three favourite colours: ???? don’t do this to me

what time did u wake up at today: 11am, it’s reading period don’t judge me what were u doing last night at midnight: playing drunk rock band name something you can’t wait for: this godforsaken quarter to be over when was the last time u saw ur mother: over winter break/new year’s one thing u wish u could change abt ur life: the crippling depression/abandonment issues are getting kinda old, I’d like to feel like I have a stable community/family who love and support me whats getting on ur nerves rn: the discourse favourite tv shows: star trek (all of them but esp DS9), idk I’m sort of obsessed with yuri on ice at the moment, those two are the main ones tbh? first best friend: my girl India who doesn’t have a tumblr but we’ve been best friends since we met on the playground at age 5. our moms are also tight. listening to rn: nothing, the sound of my laptop fan straining to keep my computer from bursting into flame

3 fears: never having a group of people I feel I can call family, never being in love, cavities

4 turn ons: self-awareness/humility, being sensitive about & respectful of my dysphoria, trust/willingness to be vulnerable, being honest & vocal about what you like 4 turn offs: being boring, being insensitive/distant, not being conscientious about how you interact with my body (i.e. assuming you can just treat my body the same way you’d treat a woman’s body and that’s a-ok), heterosexuality of any kind sexual orientation: gay tbh senior year quote in my year book: oh god some generic hillary clinton quote about feminism I don’t even wanna remember it first thing i notice in a person: ?? what they look like? shoe size: 7M/9W (US) eye colour: hazel hair colour: brown favourite item of clothing: probably my leather jacket, close runners up are my high-waisted black jeans that look good with pretty much anything and my crop top that says “I got to second base at Jonah’s bar mitzvah, January 7th 1978″ what colour of underwear i’m wearing rn: blue/brown/white stripes favourite season: whichever one has like 60-70F weather, used to be summer but now that’s spring lol how much time i spent on designing my blog: not much I just picked a theme the reason i joined tumblr: this is pretty sad but... I wanted to make friends do i ever get “good morning” or “goodnight” texts: only if I’m like talking to someone right before going to bed when did i last hold hands: don’t remember how long does it take me to get ready in the morning: depends, anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour have i shaved my legs in the past 3 days: LMAO try the last 4 years where am i rn: on my couch do i like music loud or at a reasonable level: reasonable, loud noises are scary 3 things i love: my friends, dogs, idk earth? how i feel rn: I need to gtf to sleep lol something i rlly, rlly want: to feel like I don’t have to radically change my body to be attractive to the people I want to attract 3 things that upset me: feeling like I’m hurting or burdening other people, straight men trying to hit on me, the persistent feeling that being transmasc somehow makes me a bad person what i find attractive in other ppl: appreciating subjects other than your field of study, confidence, ambition, someone who’s accomplished interesting things in their life, being friendly, genuine & not condescending 3 habits i have: staying in bed all day on days when I don’t have to do anything, only eating part of my lunch during lunch time and eating the rest for dinner, carrying off ridiculous amounts of free food from events something i fantasize abt: feeling comfortable and secure in my attractiveness vis a vis how my body looks, and in my presence in gendered spaces something im talented at: singing, memorization, embarrassing myself the blog i give the most notes to: idk, probably sara tbh last person re-blogged sth from me: I haven’t checked my notifications in a while o_0 do  i smoke/drink: I drink with friends my favourite food: I’m a big fan of things with cheese in them. also guacamole. my favourite dessert: it really depends ugh I guess cake? what i did yesterday: had my last day of classes, went to work, went to an award ceremony/opening gala for an integrated DNA technologies sponsored exhibit at the field museum (it was so fancy I felt so grown up and fancy), went to kat’s birthday party number of kids i want: ???? number of siblings i have: none something thats constantly on my mind: trangst (trans angst)

last person i messaged on tumblr: teddy (void-for-president) can i drive: nope :/ what state or part of the world do i live in: Chicago, from Brooklyn am i in school: 3rd year undergrad do i get grossed out easily: not generally, but certain specific things will do it (ex. dead animals especially FISH) somewhere i would like to visit for a week: hm maybe go back and see Alaska again? check on that mountain biking trail I helped build in 10th grade i’ll love u if: make an effort to spend your free time with me/take the initiative in telling me that you value my being in your life last show i binge-watched: I binged legend of korra over winter break, probably that what words upset me the most: idk I guess people telling me I’m wrong for existing in the spaces that I occupy? what words make me feel best abt myself: when people tell me they value having me in their lives and that I make them feel good about themselves a wish that i’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11: that’s not a thing that I do :/ who i would switch lives with for a day: idk maybe someone who’s already gone on T and sings just so I could get a sense of what the voice change is like for a singer? or like. a famous celebrity or something. my favourite ice cream: green tea I think? allergies: minor allergy to raw eggplant I think, every time I eat undercooked eggplant my mouth starts to feel like it’s swelling up, not like my throat is being blocked off but just my mouth starts to hurt quite noticeably sexiest person to come to mind immediately: alskdjfsldk this is really hard uhh uhhh ok see my first thought is like star trek characters but I can’t say that ok let’s go with john boyega he’s gorgeous and seems like a ray of sunshine my childhood career choice: biologist! one of my insecurities: that being transmasc nonbinary and still participating in some women’s spaces/not letting go of some aspects of womanhood makes me a bad person and specifically is harming transfeminine people how many blogs am i following: just over 100 I think how many tabs/different windows do i have open at this very moment: 2 windows, this is the only tab open in this window because my internet sucks and tumblr is a monster website, the other window has 13 tabs coke or pepsi: not super into either, I guess coke although my aunt used to work for pepsi so I should be loyal tea or coffee: tea movie or book: movie probably, I don’t actually read that much it’s embarrassing, although frankly I don’t really watch movies that much either a sense i would be willing to lose: none omg! I guess if I had to pick taste? since taste is mostly smell anyway quote i live by: I don’t really? type of accessory i wear the most: does the leather jacket count? otherwise none last awkward situation i found myself in: I kept trying to pet eva’s dog today but I just ended up scaring her what time is it rn: way too late

a song that made me cry: hallelujah by leonard cohen, not actually, just like made me v emotional (yes I’m thinking abt that yiddish cover) first song u ever sang at karaoke: are we talking like legit karaoke at a karaoke place or like hanging out in my best friend from middle school’s basement singing along with her CD of karaoke tracks for the hottest hits of the mid-2000s bc I don’t remember the former but the latter was definitely sk8r boi

[drucksideblog]

11 questions answered & asked, SKAM edition

Rules:

Always repost the rules!

Answer the questions given to you by the one who tagged you!

Give 11 questions

Tag 11 people!

sorry i’m not going to tag anyone.

Thank you for the tag evakuality! I found this kinda difficult and I rambled a lot, but it was fun :)

1. What clip or clips would you rec to someone to showcase what Skam (or your fave remake) is about?

sana & yousef’s date in episode 9 s4; this clip is so beautiful - visually appealing, showcases the chemistry between sana and yousef, has teenagers reckoning with life’s big questions -it’s perfection and i love it. look at them!!!

hmm i’m also trying to think about a clip that not only showcases what skam is about but why i’m drawn to it... i think maybe skam españa s2 e5 clip 1 bc i always love the coming out scene but i especially like the way it played out in skam españa and i think the clip highlights the importance of female friendship, acceptance and being true to yourself which is like the whole point of skam!!

2. What food has Skam or a remake made you want to try?

i can’t remember any specific food things from seasons other than druck s3 so... i am always craving baklava after watching the scene with amira and matteo. also this wasn’t even in druck but the instagram touka posted of lukas eating kunafa made me want to try it - it looked so good!!

3. Which character’s social media do you think reflects them the most?

i looove matteo’s social media i love the chaos of his meme choices and how his instagram has been completely taken over by david now, it’s perfect.

4. In a similar vein: favourite social media post?

probably the two instagram posts from david and matteo from their clip during the abiball special. first - getting that clip and those posts was an absolute gift bc i was rly going through the withdrawals at that time so it was truly Something!! to get extra content of them being cute on instagram. but also there’s just something about their dynamic in that clip which translates over to the pictures that i’m obsessed with. O B S E S S E D.

5. Best use of music in each version you’ve seen?

ahh holy crap what a difficult question!!! absolutely o helga natt from og skam like literally the most iconic scene ever it’s absolutely stunning perfect use of music!!!!!

druck is so hard bc it’s so recent and the soundtrack was so good and there are honestly soooo many scenes i could choose from but one underrated music moment for me is the use of forest green in the clip where matteo calls david and texts his mum i just find it gives the clip such a relaxed and healing vibe and the lyrics about time just really get to me.

and maybe in an alternate universe where isa and liv fall in love then liv singing on stage in the first ep of skam nl and isa being totally absorbed by it would be my favourite use of music in that version.

6. Characters from each version who should be friends?

oh god i’m so bad at thinking about stuff like this... hmmmmm. i’ve loved all the little headcanons ppl have come up with about david and even meeting and bonding so maybe those two? maybe jonas vasquez and amira? and i just want shay to be surrounded by love and support and have older lgbt friends who aren’t predatory so maybe shay and esra (bc esra is a lesbian) and david and maybe hans could all be friends.

7. Do you have fanart or fanartist faves?  Rec some?

ahhh i love fanart. so as above i think this fanart is one of the reasons i want to see david and even meet/be friends and isak/matteo be grumps together. oh god i’m going through my whole fanart tag and i just want to rec all of it it’s all so amazing. ok this and this by goosteh are amazing, and also this piece!

oh my GOD i just remembered i could rec fanart from a time before druck and i remembered this which is just the cutest thing ever!

8. Which squad do you want to join?

honestly none, really. i’m too old!! but if i was a teenage girl i think the skam nl girl squad, i think it would be really nice to have a solid group of friends like that who are easy with their affection and it’d be nice to have good outfits all the time (i assume by being in the squad i automatically acquire good taste and nice clothes).

9. A clip that hits you in the emotions (can be happy or sad)?

the party clip in druck s3 where matteo isolates himself in his room and then has the almost kiss with david. it’s sooo real and raw and i think it’s when i really fully started to identify with matteo and so that gets me every time and then the almost kiss just fully fucks me up bc it’s the LONGING and the uncertainty and, yeah.

10. One thing you’d like to see changed from each season? (sorry to those of you who’ve watched them all!)

a massive one for druck s3 is the timing of episode 8. despite my misgivings about the outing scene i like... Understand why they did it, i guess. but the timing of episode 8, the fact that it took matteo So Long to reach out to david and that they didn’t get one happy time together before david got outed i just really hate that and wish they’d done it differently.

i know skam fucked up a lot in s4 and so i wish that was done better, though i can’t specifically remember what i’d change it’s been 2 years since i watched it.

skam nl -god damn i was really enjoying s2 and noah was reasonably likeable and then yeah... they fucked it up. how about liv leaves noah and falls in love with a girl instead and doesn’t get treated like absolute garbage and doesn’t sacrifice her beliefs for some guy?! i’d like that.

11. Something from Skam or any remake that you think will stick with you forever?

i really think the power of representation is what has and will continue to stick with me. specifically, i really feel like isak and even’s storyline broke barriers in portraying two teenage boys being in love, being tender and loving towards one another in a way i can’t remember seeing before. i will never forget the scene of them cuddling on the bed it was just so different to anything i’d ever seen on tv. and now again with druck s3. having david as the love interest - a young trans man of colour, played by a young trans, pansexual, man of colour, was just so powerful. seeing david through matteo’s eyes so we fall in love with him like matteo did, the fact that david is seen as desirable, that he gets to fall in love and be happy i just, i am so grateful to druck for that and i won’t forget it.

[696zarapaz696]

on preaching tour? 10/5/18

del(ete)_f64.0 live in holland, i think

My plan was to organise some tours and shit this summer, but ... I am lazy ass, always “procrastinatening”, Wanted to organise a france tour for 2 years and guess, it will last 1 year longer. And I wasn´t touring so often (just 2 europe tours with other ppl. hosting in my life, not much more since that, some single countries, but only as support act or one of the acts), have no car, want no car (I hate cars for 1000 of reasons), have no cash, too much unordered shit in my head, but it seems to get better. Maybe autumn/end of the year.

Anyhow, we have a gig in Switzerland in a week, “Soliparty for a “trans” surgery (I think this is a bullshit term, but anyhow... for me it sounded so stupid that I just wrote instead “soli4surgery” everywhere and did not repost the flyers).

I wanted also to give lectures and workshops about “antigenitalism”, to connect with other activists, cultural and emancipatoric wrong assigned people, tgirls, hermaphrodites, whatever, we want to create and connect a worldwide radical group of girls and people who do not want to take the shit anymore, but rise up.

I wrote to a docent of well organised so called “trans groups” / organisations I found easily with 1 minute effort in the web and asked about linking or if they know where/if I can give a lecture anywhere in Switzerland.

Well, no answer, nothing.

I am in activism for over 10 years now, I remember the times when everyone was sooo glad when you dropped em any line for that you are an activist also, that you want to change the shit system, that you drown in shit as a result of the usual discrimination, that you might also have read some of her/his/* texts and ideas and got an opinion about them... but nowadays everything gets difficult regarding connecting as activists who want more than just to show their ugly faces on some meaningless pride parades.

one of our little d,i.y. pics showing our needs and basic claims, done by a friend

It was a political thing and more of a left wing thing in general to protest and think about what and how to change the social clima in which we live and that caused maybe third of “us” to commit or try suicide that time. No one would ever think of voting or supporting any right wing party or group as some stupid so called German “LGBT” forumusers do officially nowadays, these days it would just had seemed as stupid as this is to everyone, really everyone. Here we are in times where people believe that some rightwing parties, groups or politicians would stand up now to fight for your rights that could be easier taken away buy some fictional islamic, semitic or foreign invasion that is the same construction out of exactly the same fingers and minds as the construction of the so called “genderism”. Who the fuck is really believing that people supporting propaganda against you will fight for your rights at the same time?

Back to Switzerland, well, I copied some sheets of our last paper with our antigenitalistic ideas, needs and calls to connect, will hand them out everywhere. also started to do that in Berlin.

I keep you updated about this. Last hand outs on the Trash n Core speedcore party (with some marginal political background) where we played last weekend, but no reactions.