#Where is Alabaster? UHHHH

[artemx746]

"You can't possibly expect me to not be mad" for court painter au hihihihi

(What am I gonna do? Send you prompts. Champ. XD)

Drabble ask game

Ethan stared at the painter, without Alabaster around, she seemed oddly quiet. Her hands fiddled with a paintbrush while she seemingly refused to look Ethan's way.

He needed to say something, this wasn't like silence with Alabaster, where it felt like the rise and fall of the tides, this felt strange like a sky too dark with too little stars and a moon far too dim for the time, odd and unnatural. He settled on "Are you settling in well, being back here?"

She jumped "Oh, uhm, yes! I have. Thank you."

"Have you spoken to your parents? I'm not all too familiar with most members of the queen's court but I believe I've seen your parents, have I not?"

Rachel wilted, she looked like Ethan had stabbed her through the chest with his sword. He should've kept his mouth shut. "You probably have."

The silence was back again and it felt even worse than last time.

Rachel took a deep breath. "Can I tell you something?" With a bit of hesitation, Ethan nodded. "My father wants me to marry Alabaster and I wouldn't really mind it if it weren't for his insistence on it. I don't want to be too rash but, since he's always been quite desperate for more power, I assume he may be trying to get more power through me."

Ethan felt a pit in his stomach, both at the idea of Rachel marrying Alabaster and the idea of Rachel's father using her for that. He seemed wealthy enough, there was no reason for him to need more.

Rachel noticed Ethan glaring, he didn't even know he was doing that, she looked worried. "Are you mad?"

"You can't expect me to not be mad," He paused at her distraught expression and realised she was asking if he was mad at her. "That isn't right of him to do."

She nodded. "I didn't think you of all people would get mad about this."

"Excuse me?"

"Uhm, well, I've just heard rumours, y'know, about your...mother." Ethan froze. "I'm not trying to accuse you or her of anything but–" She held her hand out "–if they have any truth to them, we've got each other."

There was a long moment of hesitation before Ethan shook her hand. "We've got each other." He repeated.

[sentient-stove]

Mane of Fire, Eyes of Amber, Sword of Alabaster: Fallen Beings AU.

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Janus, Virgil, Patton, Remy, Remus, Roman, Logan

Relationships: Janus/Virgil

Additional tags: U!Deceit, Winged Fic, Winged Virgil, Gods and Goddesses Au.

Summary: Roman POV, after the first crash of Virgil’s

Word Count: 1436

Notes: UHHHH, So back in August, @what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me​ made the most beautiful fanart of a winged Virgil and I wrote a fanfic for it.  And now there’s a sequel because I wanted to be angsty.

Roman gently runs a hand through Paranoia’s healing feathers, slowly spreading the salve.  The Dark one has said little in the weeks that he has been here and eventually Patton and Logan had left Roman to care for their guest.

It’s clear that Paranoia doesn’t belong here, after all he represents fear, while the Light ones represent Love, Knowledge and Hope.

That doesn’t stop Roman though.  

Paranoia lets out a quiet hiss of pain as Roman’s fingers hit an open sore where a fulgurite feather is pushing through.

“I’m sorry.”  He murmurs and the other shrugs.

“It’s fine.”

It doesn’t seem that way to Roman.  He wants to scoop up the god and hold him close, promising love and protection.  He notices the way that Paranoia tenses when the other Dark ones are brought up and for the first time in Roman’s long existence…

He fears.

He fears of what will happen when Paranoia is strong enough to fly again.  He fears that the god made of glass and wings will run, run like how he does when he dances across the lightning, never seeming content.

Roman finishes rubbing the healing salve in the wings and he stands to leave.

“Roman?”  Paranoia’s voice is small, but he still turns to the other.

“Yes?”

“Thank you.”

“Of course.”

…

Roman swings his sword above his head, the blade flashing as he brings it down, Logan barely countering the attack with his daisho blades.

The pair spar often, whether it be with words or weapons and Roman finds it exhilarating when he wins, which happens most of the time, unless Logan is lucky.  Today is one of those days and Logan locks his blades together, catching Roman off guard and his sword goes skittering away.

“I win.”  Logan says evenly.  Roman nods.

“Fair.”

“We need to discuss the Dark one.”  

Roman holds back a sigh.  “Lo, let him heal, his wings won’t be ready for another season at least.”

“Yes, so you should tell your brother that Virgil will not be returning.  It’d be a mess if another fell down here.”  Logan sheaths his weapons and picks up Roman’s sword.  “I advise caution among them.”

Roman looks up at the sky.   “I can’t promise that.”

“You have to, otherwise I will go.”  Logan passes Roman his sword.  “And you remember what happened last time I went.”

…

Roman wants to scream.  He wants to let his god of a voice rip out of him and claw at his fears.  He wants to take the Dark ones and fight them, for he is the god of Love and Passion and what his opposites have done is horrifying.

It’d be futile though, for he cannot exist without them and vice versa.

…

Virgil can feel that his wings are healed.  It’s been months since the initial accident that sent him falling to the Light ones, but now he stands in the grass, letting the warm sun heat up the feathers.

Roman is somewhere nearby, he can tell.  The amber eyed god seems reluctant to let him leave, but Virgil can feel the tugging in his being, that pulls him back to a place he has no desire to return to.  If it were up to him, he’d stay here, with the gods that nursed him back to health.

Virgil turns to see that Roman is standing a few feet away, a mournful look on his face.

“You are leaving?”

Virgil stretches his wings open, the smallest amount of wind catching them and starting to lift his feet from the ground.  “It’s the way things are.”

“Did you see this place as a home?” Virgil wants to yell a yes, he wants so badly to admit it, that he fell for this place.  He wants to admit that these few seasons have been the best of his long life.   Virgil instead turns his head away, refusing to make eye contact with Roman.

“Farewell Passion.”  Virgil will deny that his voice cracks on the last word.

“Paranoia… come back to me if you can?”

Virgil doesn’t respond.  He can’t, not without crying, not without admitting anything.

…

It storms after.

It’s terrible and glorious all at once and Roman stands in the rain, staring desperately at the lightning and the clouds that are boiling with grief, waiting for a god to dance across the lightning.

Virgil does not come.

The rain falls.

And Roman weeps.

…

Deceit binds his wings shut the second Virgil arrives back to the palace in the sky.

The silk cord is woven of half truths and the lying god wraps countless hands around his godling, cooing softly as he brushes away Virgil’s tears.

“Little Stormcloud, did the fiery one break your glass heart?”   He purrs almost as he pulls Paranoia closer.

Virgil lets himself sink into the lies and he nods into Deceit’s embrace.

And from the shadows, Remus watches the exchange.

…

Roman isn’t expecting a guest.  Yet here his brother is, sitting at the table, and awkward Patton near and a disgruntled Logan glaring at the back of Remus’ head.

“Hello Ro Bro.”

Roman sits across from him.  “Why are you here.”

“You need to steal the Lightning back.”  Remus grins and places his hands on the table.  “It’s clear to everyone but him that he’s no longer a Dark one.”

Roman leans forward.  “How would you know of whom belongs where?”

“Virgil never belonged with us.  He only stays because his heart is easily broken and his wings are bound.  Besides, I thought that the shattering of his feathers the first time was a pretty obvious hint as to where he belongs.”

“The first time was an accident.”

“You really think that the God of Fear would be so easily cut down by a lightning bolt?  Brother dearest, Virgil wanted to die.”

Roman’s heart stops and he takes a sharp breath in.  “Remus, I cannot control his choices.”

Remus shrugs.  “Your loss.  I’ll be tossing him out next storm if you chose not to do anything.”

His brother snaps as Logan lunges for him, disappearing in a puff of foul smelling smoke.

“I hate him.”  Logan mutters.  Roman stands and looks at his companions.

“Do you think he’s right?  Can a Dark one become Light?” Patton and Logan look at each other.   Finally, Patton speaks.  “I suppose it could happen.  We lived in harmony once with all the other Gods once, before we fell to solely six.”

“So we can?”

“He would have to agree.”

…

Virgil pushed Deceit away.  “Enough.”

“What is wrong?”

Virgil tries to reach for the cord that binds his wings, but it is tied in a way that makes it impossible for him to free himself.  “Let me go.”

“Your time with the others has corrupted you.”

“No.”  Virgil hissed as the other stalked closer.  “Please, I’m done.”

Deceit reached forward and gripped his arms.  “What happened to you Paranoia?”  

Paranoia’s eyes glazed over into darkness.  “ I̴̛̜̫̤͍͖̩͈̓̃̂̃͊̿̐̆̕͠͝͠͝ ̸̼̰̞̟̭̺̒̅̐̍̓̓͘g̷̨̪̮̭̱̺̝̫̲̠̮̳̞̗͐̒̌̀͌̆̃͋̊̔͗͘r̶̝̫͇̰̼̻̣͇̪̂̒̔͑e̴̪͖̫̙͇̟͇͛̂̍̈̉͗̾͋͋̄̊̂̎͂w̷͇͙̥̥͒̏͗̂͘͝ͅ ̵̛̲͈̤̳͍͔̗̳̔͆͠ͅȗ̴̯̭̝̫̻́p̵̳̓̄̏ ”

Deceit stumbled back and the godling turned his gaze down as he flung his wings open, sharp fulgurite feathers cutting through the bindings.

“I̴̡͉̟͉̠̤͎̤̓̈́͆͜͜ ̸̡̩̼̮̟͙͔̮͎̗̈́̂͂̀͘L̷̛̼̥̝̤̮̜̫̺̺͚̏̽̀̑́͛̚͝ͅE̵̦̓̇͆̉̚͘Ą̷̡̼̞̖͍̜̹̦̯̝̋̇͗̕V̷̡̛̗̖̺͓̜̠͔̝̼̥̗̳̪̔͛̊̔̾̉̒͌̈́̔͋̐͠È̵̼̐̃̓̈́̌̃̕͘͘͝”

And with that, Paranoia stormed past the God of Lies, lighting crackling across his wings and skin as he finally, finally left.

…

Roman was about to go and storm the sky when the sound of something landing on the roof of the cottage that the Light ones lived in alerted him that something was up.

He ran out with his sword, only to see Virgil standing there, eyes completely black, skin and feathers cracking with lighting and anger.

If Roman thought that he’d truly felt fear before, he was wrong.  The previous fear paled in comparison to a fully realized god full of rage.

Paranoia was terribly beautiful, looking like the god he was for the first time and with a single glance, Roman felt like ice was crawling through his veins as he dropped his sword.

“H̶̢͙̣̭̹̥̳̬̤̬͎̜̫͖͗͜ê̷̡̡̞͍̥̠̠̟̹̣̰̜̦̿̈́̎̊l̴͓̦̘͛̎̈́̓l̸̪̑̌͋̆̃ȏ̵̧̦̻̟̺͓̑̍͊̈̌͐͗̿.̶͚̰͓̗̬̟̥̱͔̉̇͐́͆̉̅̕̕”  Paranoia jumped down to Roman’s height, wings folding shut and the                storm around him soothing.

“Ro..”  In almost an instant, Paranoia was gone and Virgil was back, violet eyes rolling back into his head as he collapsed forward, Roman instinctively catching him.

“Darling…”  Roman gently scooped him into a bridal carry, Virgil relaxing against him in his unconscious state.  He carried the God back inside as the rain began to fall, and from far away, Remus grins at the folly of Deceit.

…

Roman was made of Fire and Passion, and he wielded a sword made of sharp stone and metal.  All of it reminding him of those he swore to protect.

His home.

[bluejaytaco]

Yet again DND with Jay

(Another long one, folks. In our campaign, we have something we call a “Daiquiri Night.” It’s used for when too many people can’t be there or in situations where people are too preoccupied to do anything deep and plot-heavy. It’s pretty much a filler episode where we’re free to fuck around with very little consequences and, towards the end, the DM throws in small plot hints so it’s not a complete bust. It’s good for character development and getting the party a little closer.

Last session, we all drank and were expecting such an session. What we got was heavy plot stuff and horrible consequences. Also, so far most of the Daiquiri Nights are run by Ticket Master; being the only god who follows us so closely.)

Ticket Master: (Stopping Hennessy B from killing us and dropping Alabaster back into our party) Alright, so! Who wants to die right now?

Everyone: .....

Ticket Master: No one? Great! Now, who wants to go on a fun-filled adventure?

Everyone:...

Art: (slowly raises his hand)

Koejin: (Pushes Art’s hand back down) No....

Ticket Master, ignoring Koejin: Everyone? Great! Let’s go.

-

(We get pulled into a world that is just one giant Carnival. After giving our tickets over to Ticket Master, We all enter and start to go our own separate ways. This is where things become very character plot heavy.)

Koejin: (climbs the Ferris Wheel to see if she can see anyway out)

People on the car she’s standing on: (her parents, who keep screaming about being abandoned and how she let them die.)

DM: You see the parking lot you walked through to get here and then, far beyond that, you see mist. Above you is the portal you came through; it’s still open.

Koejin, nodding: Alright, I’m gonna head back down

Koejin’s parents: (riding on the car she’s standing on top of) You left us! You took another woman as your mother! You can never be forgiven!

Koejin: (jumps down once she’s at ground level) I didn’t abandon you. You died and I was five.

Ticket Master: (pointing at the now faded parents) Yeah! She was five! See? I backed you up.

Koejin gave him a little pat on the shoulder and nearly lost an arm for it. She then heads over to the bar to drink her face off.

-

Theodora, on the bumper cars: (Getting blamed for the deaths of her soldiers. She bumps cars with a young, fifteen year old Koejin.)

Young Koejin: Ugh, what are you doing here? 

Theodora:...I....

Young Koejin: You should just leave! No one wants you here; you’re ruining everyone’s fun!

Koejin: (In the bar, drinking real alcohol and being served by a bartender that’s not Ticket Master. In other words, having a good time. A Ticket Master portal opens by her head to show her what’s going on by Theodora.).... (Pulls out her bow and arrow and aims for Young Koejin’s head.)

DM: I want you to think about what you’re doing here. You’re about to shoot young you in front of Theodora. (Sidenote: DM also implemented a “sanity meter” for us. Anytime we see something fucked up or extremely jarring, we become a little more insane.)

Koejin’s player: I know. I’m still doing it.

Koejin shoots Young Koejin right in the head and Theodora has to roll a Wisdom saving throw. Luckily, she rolled a 19.

DM: So, Theodora. You don’t see it as young Koejin dying in front of you. You see it for what it is; Koejin apologizing.

Koejin, from inside the bar: I was an asshole. Come drink with me.

(Theodora goes through the portal to join Koejin in the bar.)

-

Hennessy, at the balloon shoot: (All the faces look like his team mates, He sits in front of Theodora’s.)

Vincent (Hennessy’s fiance), sits down at the Hennessy head: I bet you I can get mine to pop before you.

Hennessy, immediately suspicious: Alright, what do you wager? (Rolls perception to find out for sure he isn’t Vincent. His suspicions are confirmed.)

Vincent: Well, if you win, you and Vincent live happily ever after and he never has to work again. If I win, you fall out of love with him.

Hennessy: No deal.

Vincent:... Well, how about just the ring then? He can always make you another one.

Hennessy, noticeably more hesitant:...Still no.

(A Ticket Master portal opens to show Vincent slaving away at his work for Mrs. Red. His pain has him in tears but he continues on.)

Fake Vincent: You would really not save him from this pain?

Hennessy: (just starts playing the game and shoots water into Theodora’s mouth. The portal shifts over to the bar.)

Theodora, in the bar: (takes a shot and it shoots right out of her mouth. Her stomach starts to bloat and she starts to spit up water.)

Hennessy: (Immediately stops)

Vincent: (stands up) you know, Hennessy, you can be a catty bitch. (walks away)

Hennessy: (watches him)....and don’t you forget it. (Goes through the portal into the bar.)

Meanwhile, at the bar

Ticket Master, sitting on the bar: (Watching as Theodora keels over) If only there was someone who could destroy that water, you’d be fine! ((Another running gag in the campaign; Alabaster casting Create or Destroy Water more than any other move.))

-

Wreybar, over at the Test your Strength

Wreybar: (Picks up the mallet)

(Her father’s head appears on the target as she swings down.)

DM: You still have the chance to stop.

Wreybar’s Player: ... I’m gonna follow through.

DM:...What, really? Shit, didn’t expect that! So, you smash in your father’s head. Blood, bone and grey matter fly everywhere. Then, you’re entire family comes running out cheering and screaming “Wreybar! you killed us! Yay!”

Wreybar: (starts crying) I’m sorry!

DM: As you see everyone praising and cheering you, you notice something weird. There is one person not doing that. It’s your brother.

Wreybar:(goes up to him)

Wreybar’s brother: Wreybar.... what’s going on? (Unlike everyone else, he seems real)

((I was drinking so this particular convo gets a little foggy. But it ends with someone killing Wreybar’s brother (Almost positive it was Ticket Master) and the DM pulling her aside to discuss something in private. I’m typically the one who keeps track of the story so I hope Wreybar remembers this part well enough. If not, its our DM’s job to remind her anyways.))

-

Art, At the Fortune Teller (Koejin’s player: Of course you would go there!)

DM: You step in to see a robotic person who is a very racist stereotype. He’s dark skinned, wearing a turban, talking in a thick accent and saying, in a broken robotic voice “I aM a Raacis-t dePICtion! Wo-ould you like your FoRTune?!”

Art: Uhhhh, wow. This was not at all what I was expecting... Uh, is there a way out of here?

Fortune Teller: A W-ay OuT? Whaat evR do you Me-aaN?

Art:....Nevermind. Can you just... not do this? Turn into someone else.

Fortune Teller: Wh-o would you LYKe?

Art: Literally anyone else would be better.

Fortune Teller: (Turns into Alabaster) Bet-ter?

Art:... Yeah, I can work with this.

Fortune Teller Alabaster: S-oo... WouLD you lYKe your Fooort-une?

Art: Sure. Uh.... what’s my future look like?

Fortune Teller Alabaster: BLEAK!

Art: Sounds about right.

Fortune Teller Alabaster: (Morphs into Hennessy. All robotic jerking is gone.) Now, how about we talk about why you’re a piece of shit?

Art: ...And that sounds like something you’d say to me.

FT Hennessy: And it’s true; you are a piece of shit. My hubby says you abandoned your sister and I’m inclined to believe him over your lyin’ ass.

Art: Okay no. Hennessy’s the smartest one out of all of us. I know for a fact he has enough sense to not follow Vincent blindly and think I actually meant to abandon my sister.

(A Ticket Master portal appeared in the bar near Hennessy. He tunes in just in time to hear Art speak.)

Hennessy: .... (reaches through the portal and smacks the Fake Hennessy in the face. It melts away to reveal Ticket Master underneath.) You’re right, Art. I am the smartest person here. And I’m smart enough to know you have a lot of problems; abandonment is not one of ‘em.

Art: ...Alright. I guess.... you’re not so bad.

Ticket Master: (Hand on his cheek) Hennessy just slapped me.... what an honor! (Hearts appear around him)

Art, noticing this: Okay, that’s not at all concerning.... (Goes through the portal and into the bar with everyone else.)

-

Alabaster over by the Carousel  (Everyone to the DM: You better not fucking hurt him, I swear to god. ((We are all a part of the Alabaster Protection Squad.)))

Alabaster: (Sees his family near one side, his old friend on another, and Eris (the daughter he recently adopted) on a third. Sidenote: Eris was his old friend’s and General Blue’s daughter. Blue left her to Alabaster, but we ended up killing her long before knowing about Eris.).... (Sits by his family being that he hasn’t seen them in 400 years)

Blue: So, you’re gonna completely ignore my daughter? Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted you with her. Maybe I should just kill her now and put her out of her misery now. 

Alabaster: There is no need to resort to....

Blue: (Goes to Eris)

Alabaster: (immediately dives for Eris)

(Ticket Master Portal appears in the bar next to Theodora. She doesn’t see it until Wreybar points it out to her. This turns into a fight for everyone to keep Blue away from Alabaster and Eris, which everyone learned was just a heated water baby.)

Alabaster: (casts blindness on Blue)

Art: (Reaches in for Alabaster)

Alabaster, to Blue: You’re sight will return momentarily. And I promise you, Eris will be well taken care of. There is no need to worry.

DM: Alabaster, Art; you two look at each other and remember the first time you met, back in that pit where Thia saved you. You think about how much you’ve been through together and start to feel a little more at peace. Both of you roll a 20. If it turns out you somehow get the same number, your sanity will be at -20 (The scale goes from -20 to 20. Negatives are more sane.)

(Alabaster and Art rolled an 18 and a 17 respectively. The numbers were so close, the DM gave us both a point for sanity.)

-

DM: So, you guys are at the bar, having a grand old time. The bartender, for each of you, looks like you’re ideal sexual partner.

Koejin’s Player: (laugh) does that mean Art’s is just Ticket Master?

Me:..... yeaaahhhhhhh.....

DM, looks at Alabaster’s player knowingly: And what’s Alabaster’s?

Alabaster’s Player: A giraffe with Jeff Goldblum’s head.

Everyone: (laughing)

Me: Can anyone else see that? Cuz Art might be judging his best friend if he can.

DM: Nope, you can only see your own. But you guys are having a good time. Alabaster and Wreybar are understanding they both have a similar history and have been through a lot of the same issues. That starts to bring them closer. Hennessy and Art; you two now understand there is more to one another that you didn’t know before. You feel as though you’re coming to terms with one another. And, Theodora and Koejin. The two of you understand now that the past should be left in the past. There is a lot to work on, but you’re on the right track.

....(Personally, I think this would have been the perfect time for Ticket Master to send us back and let that be the end of the session. We were all closer than before and all that.... but the DM had a different plan.)

DM: The bartender shifts from your ideal partners to Ticket Master... So, he stays the same for Art.

Ticket Master: Well, now that you’re all closer, I’d say this is a time well spent. Now, here’s something you can do for me. (He slides a blank piece of paper in front of everyone.) When you’re ready, all you need to do is sign the bottom. No rush.

Art: (Sees the actual contract and decides to keep it to himself.)

Theodora: (Takes out a cigar that Ticket Master gave her and hands it back to him.) Here, so you’ll have a last smoke (she throws the contract back) when I kill you.

Ticket Master, frowning(A rare occurrence):... you shouldn’t have done that.

Me: Oh shit...

Koejin’s Player: Byyyeee Theodora....

Alabaster’s Player: (covering his mouth) nononono

Ticket Master: (his face opens up to reveal unspeakable horrors. Tentacles move out to grab for Theodora and drive her to complete insanity.)

Wreybar: (Moves in the way to share some of the insanity. Both are now insane, but Theodora is at least able to function.)

Alabaster: (Casts create or destroy water over them. I think the purpose was to get Ticket Master away from them. Don’t remember; was pretty drunk.)

DM: Oh god... shit! No...(Sigh) well, I need to follow my own rules... As the water comes down, you see a giant minotaur come from the ground behind Ticket Master. It’s Shmoogie. Ticket Master stops what he’s doing but, before he can say anything beyond “you don’t-”, Shmoogie grabs him and tears him apart. In Shmoogie’s hand, you see Ticket Master’s face. He’s saying “You have no idea what you’ve done!” Then, Shmoogie crushes it.

Shmoogie: You’ve all done well. We will deal with him now; no need to worry.

Skelly, at Shmoogie’s side: Yeah, we did good!

Theodora: Skelly! How do you know our buddy, Shmoogie?

Skelly: Well, I like sand. And I don’t have any memories, but would really like to have some so.... God of Sand and Memories.

(Shmoogie then disappears back into wherever he came from.)

Koejin: Well, good work team! No more Ticket Master.

Art, who isn’t the happiest about this turn of events:.... but now we’re stuck here.

Koejin: That sounds like a problem for Next week Koejin!

(And this is where we left off. I have conflicted feelings about this situation. Art is.... a little less conflicted than me....)

DM: Oh shit! I almost forgot!... you guys are sitting around, thinking about everything that just happened and, suddenly.... Art dabs.

Art:.... (hating his life and his creator)

Theodora: Art..... you’re so dated.....

(Context: Me and the DM are close. So close that we have a tendency to argue about anything and everything. This doesn’t work when I’m a player in his campaign. Which means, he decided that, inspired by a miniature I just bought, any time I say no to something DND related, Art has to dab. It’s a stupid little thing, but a thing nevertheless.)

[bluejaytaco]

More DND with Jay

(long post is long)

(A session where Ticket Master; our chaotic god friend(?) transported us into another world where shit ain’t so bad. And our team actually works for BBEG. Also, he transported us while he himself fought BBEG. We’re trying to retrieve a sword for him.)

Alternate selves: (See us) who are you guys?

Art(panicking): We’re the improv group!

DM: Is that really what you’re going with?

Me: guess so....

Everyone else: (agreeing that Art’s panic induced call is the way to go)

-

Me: You know what? Imma try to seduce myself.

Koejin’s player: (gasp) yessss!

(low roll)

DM:.... Alright. So, Art goes up to himself and feels like they just had a moment, leans in to kiss himself and the other Art backs up and says “whoa whoa whoa. What the fuck are you doing? I mean, I’m pretty sure I can do better than me.”

Art: I mean.... fair...?

Koejin: Holy Shit, their Art’s an asshole!

DM: No, this is completely in character for both. Art hates himself.

Me, nodding: hardcore.

-

DM: So, after asking you guys all your jobs, the coordinator leads you all down the hall. He stops, turns to Art, and... kisses him on the cheek. It’s Ticket Master.

Art, exasperated: For fuck’s sake....

Ticket Master, grinning: Did I trick you?

Art: Yeah, you did.

Ticket Master: Well, now you guys have to put on that performance. Good luck! (vanishes)

Theodora, sick of his shit: So, how’s that fight going with Mrs. Red?!

DM: A piece of the ceiling breaks off and hits Theodora right in the head.

Theodora, unfazed: Oh, not good, eh?!

Art: ....fuck just... please don’t die...

-

(We ended up corrupting that world’s Hennessy, who then turned and attacked Ticket Master with the sword. That only opened the portal to our home on Ticket Master himself. Art gets thrown through when he tries to stop Eltbalm from attacking Red. Eltbalm then gets put in a “cube of holding” Alabaster’s been carrying and everyone else jumps through the portal after shouting for Good Mrs. Red to follow us to get Eltbalm back.

Before she can jump through the portal too, Mrs. Red gets her head cut off by a force we didn’t see and the portal closes. Our Mrs. Red is still pissed and still ready to kill us all.)

Ticket Master, freezing time to reappear right before Art gets fucked up: Alright, now if you want me to reverse time so you can save that clearly dead girl (gestures to Art’s sister laying on the ground) you need to give me my sword. After that, you never have to see me again.

Alabaster: (Standing tall and defiant)

Art: givehimtheswordgivehimtheswordgivehimtheswordgivehimthefuckingsword.

Theodora: Don’t do it, Alabaster...

Ticket Master: Look, I just want my damn sword. Give it to me and I’ll be on my way.

Art:.... Alabaster, please....

Alabaster: (Deep sigh and a pained look to Art) Here... (tosses the cube to Ticket Master.)

DM: Ticket Master pops the sword out of the cube and straps it to his back. With a quick snap of his fingers, everything is back to the way it was right before Mrs. Red burst into the cabin. Everything’s still frozen but Rieta is still alive and in one piece. He looks at all of you, tips his hat, and disappears.

(This is definitely something we won’t regret.... And I highly doubt the relationship between Art and Alabaster will be exploited in any way shape or form.)

-

Art, to General Green once he’s back: So.... sorry about my memories and all...

Green, possibly remembering the whole Ticket Master thing: (grunts)

(Later, he makes it verrrrry clear he has no faith or trust in Art. He blatantly states this to Alabaster.)

Me, singing: Nobody trusts Art, nobody trusts Art.

Alabaster’s Player: Except Alabaster, who met Art before anyone else and immediately imprinted on him like a baby duck.

Me: lol true.

-

(Art gets into a little fight with Ticket Master and pretty much sleeps with the first woman who shows interest; a bartender in the tavern owned by our leader.)

DM: So, Art; as you’re having sex with Shia, her eyes go pitch black and start oozing. She then starts to attack you. What do you do?

Me: ....uhhh, scream. Loudly and a lot.

Everyone else: (rolls to see if they can hear Art.)

Theodora: Did you hear that? Sounded like Art.

Koejin: How do you know it’s him just by a scream?

Theodora: How do you not? All Art does is scream.

Me: Hah, yeah....

-

DM: Everyone bursts into the room to see Art in a corner just screaming “dude, dude, dude, dude!” Shia is pissed off and points at him, then yells out “You will never get answers out of me!” Just before she attacks him, the wall breaks down and Rieta comes bursting through. The two of them starts to fight and break through to the outside. They make their way down the hole where the giant worm popped out before.

Everyone:.....

Theodora:.... What just happened?

Art:.... I am never having sex ever again...

-

(Hennessy runs downstairs in a faux panic to get everyone out of the bar.)

Thia: What’s going on?! What do you mean we’re under attack?!

Hennessy: Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just your employee turned out to be evil. You really should do a proper background check!

Art, coming down the stairs: Yeah, sorry. I think I turned your bartender evil...

Thia, eyeing Art: It’s okay. Would you mind putting on some pants?

Art, forgetting he was naked: Shit, right. (runs back upstairs)

-

DM: Did no one check on the tiefling boy? (His name is also Art.)

Me: Yeah, I’m gonna check on Little Art after I put on pants.

DM: Okay, so Art gets dressed and sees the boy sitting on the bed in the other room. He looks at Art and says “What happened? Where’d Mom go?”

Art:... Um, your mom went to take care of something. I’m also gonna go take care of something. We’ll be back soon, okay? You stay here and stay safe.

DM: The boy nods and settles back into the bed as you leave.

Alabaster’s player: so wait, this is Art’s...?

Me: Nephew, yeah.

Alabaster’s Player: Awww, Uncle A!

-

(Running gag in our campaign: If we roll really high on analyzing something that doesn’t need that much detail, the DM will overdo it. By like a lot. It’s most common when rolling on a door to make sure we’re not stepping into a trap.)

DM: So, you analyze the door and notice the knob is made of a beautiful brass. (goes on and on and on about the doorknob.) oh, also, the rest of the door is made up of gnome skulls...

Me: Feel like the gnome skulls were more important than the doorknob.

DM: fuck you.

In game:

Art, the one who checked this door:....um (looks at Wreybar; the gnome barbarian).... maybe they’re human... baby skulls? (DM: Roll deception on...yourself??)

Koejin: How is that any better?!

- 

(Party is in the dungeon. Alabaster could not join us for this particular session. We find a gnome who is a part of Wreybar’s backstory. His name is Hector. He is being pulled around by air elementals.)

Me: Can I try to grab Hector before they can drag him back to the barrels?

DM: Roll for it (Cue shitty roll) So, Art tries to grab Hector but then trips over a rock and falls flat on his face.

Hennessy: Air elementals are always trying to get something and don’t stop until they have it.

Wreybar and Art(In unison): Looks like they’re trying to get a Hector (Both gasp and look at each other) Eyyyyyyyy! (finger guns)

Me: Wreybar and Art are having a moment

Wreybar’s player: (laughs)

-

Koejin:(Having dealt with air elementals before) So, we need to get all the oxygen out of the room. 

Hennessy: (eyes the barrels of gun powder in the corner) I have an idea. (makes a copy of Hector for the elementals as Theodora grabs the real Hector. Everyone runs for the door we came through and Hennessy throws a fireball at the door then slams it shut.)

DM: Remember, the door is made of brittle bones.

Theodora: I put up my shield for everyone to hide behind.

DM: So, the flames bellow around the shield. Art, you stick your head up and come back down a second later.

Art: (the only one who’s fireproof) Yep, that’s fire!

-

DM: (going on and on about the next door and the history of its wood and the doorknob, which had a dent in it from a kid who was then verbally abused by his mother and grew up to be an accountant. It took five minutes to explain.)

Koejin, fascinated by the door she checked: wow... this door has some history...

Art: Huh, there’s a dent in the knob. Wonder where that came from...

Koejin: Well, let me tell you! (retells the story to an awestruck Art)

-

DM: So, at the end of one hall, you all see a body slumped against the wall wearing armor and holding a sword.

Theodora: I call out to the person.

DM: There’s no response.

Me: Okay, I want to investigate the body.

DM: How close are you getting?

Me: Uhhh.... like... ten feet? I don’t want to get too close.

DM: Okay, so you move closer and check it out to see that he is very dead.

Me: Okay, I’m going for the sword and armor. (Rolls a decent Slight of Hand)

DM: So, you go to pry the sword out of the hand and it just opens for you. Then, you go for the armor and his head pops up. His eye sockets look into your eyes and he says “oi! What you think you’re doing?!” He’s undead.

Art: (Still holding the guy by the armor) Oh.... uhhhh. Just... taking your stuff...

Undead guy: Like Hell you are! (DM: He goes to headbutt you and (Rolls)...dammit! His head falls off!)

Art: (watches the head roll away) Yeah, I’m taking it.

Undead guy: Oi! Stop it! (DM: He prepares to punch you in the face and (rolls) Fuck! His arm falls off!!)

(A series of failures later)

Koejin: (to Theodora) Can we keep him?

(His name is Skelly and he wants to kill gnomes. Hector in particular. But it’s okay; Hector’s a douche who’s trying to kill Wreybar. We promised him Hector and a world of adventure if he helps us... Our DM gave us actual NPC children and our party adopted a skeleton named Skelly who wants to go on adventures because he’s never seen anything other than that hallway.)

-

DM: It’s getting late. Do you guys wanna keep playing? I could wrap it up here with a cliffhanger.

Koejin’s player: Yeah, might as well. If we keep going, Alabaster might end up a little too lost. We’ve already got a lot to explain.

DM: Okay so, Theodora. You open the door to the room with the void. Inside, you see a floating map and a key. But you also see something else. A portal you’ve seen many times before. You know by sight, it’s a Ticket Master portal. But the person who steps through is wearing a wizard hat. You see it’s Hennessy from the alternate universe. His eyes are blacked over.

Hennessy B: (smile) Hello... friends.

DM: From the portal, you can see hands. It’s all of your hands and they are pulling themselves through.

Theodora: uuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... (roll credits)

Hennessy’s player: seems like things are coming back to bite us.

Koejin’s player: huh.... it’s almost like our actions have consequences...

[bluejaytaco]

Jay plays DND Part...4?

(Losing track of how many of these were done. Also, this one’s hella long)

So, recent session was Art at his finest.

We are now up to a part with two generals. One of them is Art’s sister, Rieta (Known as General Pink). Her mind is completely broken to the point of making her basically a beast-like berserker. The second general is Orange, who Art has taken to calling “General Fedora.” He is the definition of a neckbeard mixed with r/iamverysmart.

But his ability is to take the will away from opponents and control them like puppets. And, when Art tried to get Rieta away from him, Orange showed off said abilities. By taking control of Art, Theodora(Paladin and Team leader) and Hennessy(Wizard.) We had to attack Koejin(Ranger) and our new barbarian gnome, Wreybar, then roll to see if we could break the spell. This is how it went down:

Me: So, I’m gonna cast Vicious Mockery.

DM, knowing me too well: You remember the rule for that, right?

Me(Agreed that I have to insult for real to use it:) Yeah, I know...

DM: Go ahead then.

Me: I look at Koejin and say, “Hey, Drunkie. You gonna attack or just stand there looking stupid?”

Koejin’s player: Woooooow...... Not gonna lie, that stings a little.

DM: Watch Art snap out of the spell and go “Hey Drunkie, fuck you.... I’m sorry....”

(He didn’t snap out of it. Hennessy did after Koejin cast Fog cloud so we couldn’t see.)

Hennessy: Okay, I’m going to cast Charm person on Theodora and Art.

Theodora’s roll: *Passes*

My Roll: *Fails*

DM: Okay, so Theodora just brushes it off. Art now has two controlling spells fighting in his head. He wants to listen to Orange and fight you, but also really doesn’t want to hurt Hennessy because of the charm. So there’s a back and forth where he is extremely conflicted. Then Art feels a burn from Ticket Master’s ring on his finger and he passes out.

Me: So Ticket Master just kinda goes “Sleep.”

DM: Pretty much.

Art, in game: Alright, imma head out... *passes out face first in the dirt*

Theodora rolls and breaks free from the spell on the following turn. In this time, Koejin had followed a mysterious figure out of the fog to where Orange was trying to run off with Pink in tow. (Sidenote: Pink had been ordered to attack us and Meatball, a giant t-rex who we befriended, had stepped in the way. Meatball has the sigil of the BBEG on his leg.)

When he sees we’ve broken the spell, he tries to sic Pink on them again but she runs off into the woods. Art woke up shortly after, demanded to know where his sister was then tried to take off after her. (He was stopped by the mystery person.)

Me: Alright so, being that Art can’t follow Rieta, he turns and storms up to Orange. 

DM, knowing Art is weak as shit physically: Does he attack him?

Me: Of course not. He grabs him and goes “Listen here, you little shit. You’re going to give us the fucking stone or we’re gonna beat it out of you.”

DM: Roll for intimidation.

Art: *Hella intimidating with a 17*

DM: Alright, so Orange is shaking as Art grabs him by the shirt and kinda shakes him a little. He puts his hands up and goes “I couldn’t if I wanted to! The stone’s in my head!”

Art: We could fix that. 

Everyone readying their weapons behind Art.

Koejin: Nothing a little surgery can’t handle.

As we’re all discussing how to best take care of this, there’s a buzz in Theodora’s pocket. It’s the future leader of Acentria saying “Remember: don’t kill anyone!”

Theodora: Ah, shit... Guys... we can’t do this.

Everyone else: *sputtering different words of disappointment because we’re all children of chaotic stupid*

Hennessy then charmed Orange into telling us how the stone got in in the first place. Orange says he doesn’t know, just one day he was asked if he wanted to be a general. I said “okay” then I woke up with a stone in my head.

Art: Maybe... if we take him to Thia (The future leader) we can use her stone to pull out this one... like a magnet.

Orange: You can do whatever you want, just keep that thing away from me. *points at Wreybar.* Gnomes freak me out. That’s why I had Pink destroy the village.

Wreybar: You’re the face I saw in the flames! I thought I recognized you! You’re dead! *goes to attack but is stopped by our new mystery ally* Let me at ‘im!

Orange: No... Pink wanted to do it. Cuz gnomes are so gross...

Art: First of all, racist. Secondly, whaaaaaaaaaat???

Orange: she’s a bloodthirty monster. She wanted to kill them.

Art: Uhhhh, no. Not true. Nope. (Super denial about his sister being a murderhobo)

So, then we start discussing how to get everyone and a t-rex back to the bar where Thia is currently stationed.

Theodora: If Green were here, we could teleport...

Art:...... well, we do know.... someone else.... who can teleport...

Everyone turned to Art. It took them all a moment to realize who he was talking about before out came a collective groan.

Koejin: Didn’t we all agree we wouldn’t trust him?

Art, still hella thirsty for the D: No.

Koejin: No. We’re not asking Ticket Master.

DM: Once Koejin says the name, Ticket Master appears with a boom box on his shoulder and says “did someone say my name?”

Koejin and Theodora both start talking about this “Website that rips people off” to which Art just kinda looks at them in confusion and goes “what’s a website?” I imagine someone pushed him back so he wasn’t really heard.

We continued to discuss different ways to get everyone back to Thia. The train is mentioned once but we can’t get meatball onto the train. Ticket Master speaks up again only to get Koejin’s hand in his face as we talk. The idea them comes from out Mystery friend.

General Green can be used to teleport, but he’s a lich who feeds off knowledge. If someone was willing to give up their intelligence temporarily, he could get us back and forth then return to “death” shortly after.

Art:...I’ll do it.

Everyone else: *Ignoring him to talk about how no one wants to do it*

DM, the only one who heard him: Didn’t Art just say he would?

Art: Yeah. I mean, why not? He’ll have all my knowledge right?

DM: Yep.

Art: And he’s a genius. Which means he could connect dots I haven’t been able to. So, hook me up.

DM: Mystery woman pulls out one of Green’s threads and snaps it into the back of Art’s head. You are down to -2 on intelligence and Art is a bumbling idiot.

Art: *just kinda staring off into space*...*Sees Green when he appears* you look tired.

Green, who just wants to die: Yeah.

Art:...you should take a nap.

Green: What’s going on? Why’s Art a- *notices the thread* oh.

Everyone catches Green up on the situation and Art tries to help in the most unhelpful way possible. Green then opens a portal for everyone which is much clearer than it was the last time we used a portal.

Hennessy: ...wow, Art, you are really smart....

Art:...there was a dog... dogwoof.

(This part was hard because I wanted to actually help but the DM kept having to remind me Art was pretty much useless so I had to struggle with words and just be stupid.)

Right before we were all supposed to leave (because BBEG was on her way) Hennessy took the opportunity to whisk his NPC boyfriend into the shop in order to propose, which also ended in Hennessy getting laid. Koejin was pissed they were wasting time.

DM: Everyone outside can hear Vincent’s moaning.

Art: Why is he hurting that poor man?!

Koejin, still pissed off: Yeah, Art. This isn’t right that he’s doing this. We should leave him!

Art: Yeah, he seems mean :(! *makes no attempt to go near the portal*

Koejin’s player: Jay has been waiting for this opportunity to make Art a fucking idiot.

Me: Damn right!

So everyone walks through the portal and appears right in front of the bar. Once we all walk through the portal, Green flicks Art in the forehead and disconnects, which kills him instantly. Art then has a headache and now has a disadvantage on intelligence rolls for the foreseeable future.

Thia’s already outside of the bar, talking to people about her plans to change the world. We approach her with Orange and tell her the situation.

Thia, happy to see a living general: You’re actually not killing people!

Theodora: We’ve been trying not to!

Hennessy: Yeah, we have saved more than we killed!

Art: *counting the bodies and deciding it’s probably best to keep his mouth shut*

Thia puts the stone to Orange’s head and, for a moment, nothing happens. Then, it bursts out of his skull, splattering brain matter all over and gets absorbed into Thia’s stone.

Thia, shocked: .....I just killed that guy....

Art: No, No you didn’t. It was the stone, you had no control-

Orange, clearly not all there:... what’re you guys talking about....? I...I feel fine...

Art: He’s still alive!

Thia: Can you really call that living?!

Art: uhhhh, sure!

Thia:... we should get him healed. Everyone, come in. We can talk about everything inside.

So, we all head to the bar where Meatball is being put up right on the side. Koejin, who had a drink that gave her truesight, saw that Meatball is actually a dragonborn named Eltbalm; the lover of BBEG (Mrs. Red) Koejin has the hots for Eltbalm so she decides to hang out with him.(He’s still unconscious)

Art: But...it’s a bar.... also, sorry about that “Drunkie” comment before. I didn’t mean it.

Koejin: Yeah you did.

Art:... No, but-

Theodora, throwing her arm around Art’s shoulder: Art, Art, Art, Art.... Shut the fuck up.

Art and the others go into the bar, leaving Koejin. In a previous session, we saved a bunch of kids from Green’s spire and now they spend most of their time at the bar, where Meatball was watching them. When they see him, they all run up to hug him and cry around him.

DM: Koejin, you notice one child is missing.

Me:.... is it the tiefling boy?

DM: It is the tiefling boy.

Koejin, to one of the kids: Hey, where’s your little tiefling friend?

The kid: His mom came to pick him up.

Koejin:... uh... guys?!?! 

A message is sent between Koejin and Alabaster to relay the information. Art, hearing that “mom” picked up this supposed orphan child, immediately flips out on the bartender that let him leave with her and demands to know how long ago she came. He bolts for the door.

DM: When Art goes to run out the door, he runs into someone’s chest. It’s Ticket Master.

Art: Shit... Hi.

Ticket Master: Oh, hello! You guys kinda left without me!

Art: Right, yeah. Did you see a tiefling go through here?

Ticket Master: You mean your sister? Yes! I brought her here since you missed her.

Art: *trying so hard to process the feelings going through him* Did you see... where she went?

Ticket Master: Yes, she went that way. *arrows appear to point in every direction*

Art: Wow, you’re useless!... (Hennessy: Is this what marriage is gonna be like?!) Is there anyway for you to tell me where she went.

Ticket Master: Sure! But I need something...

Art: Okay?

Ticket Master: From her. *points at Koejin*

Art, suddenly very tense: ...Why her?

Ticket Master: Because I’ve already gotten everything I’ve wanted out of you.

Art:....fucker....

Ticket Master, ignoring Art: So, Koejin...?

Koejin:.... I want you.... to leave.

Ticket Master:...*shrugs* Okay. *Just walks away*

Art, in his head: yeah, that’s not gonna come back to bite us.

Koejin is then reminded of the fact that she has tracking skills and a bloodhawk(named Pirate) for situations just like this. She seems slightly... put off by the idea.

Koejin: I’m not risking Pirate safety.

Art: Pirate can fly. Rieta can’t. He’ll be fine.

Koejin: Right... Pirate, look for General Pink and the kid. But keep your distance.

DM: Pirate flies onto Art’s shoulder, rips out a piece of his hair and eats it. Then, he flies off and searches the area until he lands on the roof of a small house in the woods. He perches there and caws loudly.

We all ran into the woods to the house to find it was boarded up. None of the panels were missing so it wasn’t a break in. We all think of the best way to do this.

Koejin: Someone could go in there.

Art: I could sneak in. My stealth is pretty high.

Koejin: Yeah... should let the stealthy tiefling go in... I’m gonna come too. I’m pretty stealthy.

(Koejin and Art are now Stealth Buddies.)

DM: So, you sneak in and it’s dark. Koejin, you can see shadows and movement. Art, you see Pink standing over a body. She has something dripping from her mouth.

Art, stunned, uses sending so they don’t make a noise: So, don’t freak out.... but I think Rieta killed a kid....

Koejin, message back:.... cooooool.... so, what do we do?

Art: *just staring at the situation*

DM: Neither of you smell blood so there’s that.

Koejin’s player: I wouldn’t even know what blood smells like right off the bat.

Me and the DM, in unison: Koejin would.

Koejin’s player: Right. *laughs* Art’s hand.

Koejin moved for a chair to get closer and hide behind. Art, being the beautiful suicidal dumbass he is, goes the opposite direction to get to the other side of Pink.

DM: Koejin, you slip over to the chair without making a sound. Art, when you take a step, your foot lands on a board that creaks and gives you away. Pink snaps around to look at you. She is frothing; the kid is still alive and fine. She hasn’t done anything yet.

Art:... Hi, Rieta...

DM: When he sees Art, the kid calls out “Help me!” Pink grabs hold of the boy by the hair and lifts him off the floor.

Art: Nonononononononono.... Don’t do this. You don’t have to do this.

Koejin: *readies her bow from her position behind the chair, aimed for Pink’s wrist*

DM: All of you feel a sudden heat. Moments later, the door blows off it’s hinges and it’s Mrs. Red. She is pissed. She glares at Pink and yells “You killed my love.” Koejin, because of the truesight potion, you see Red’s face is that of a red dragon. Mrs. Red is a red dragon.

Koejin’s player: Oh shit!

DM: And we’ll end there for this week.

(This game is getting insane. Also, if you got all the way through this, thank you! Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. There’s a lot of stuff left out from this just because it was already getting super long.)