#Weapons Grade Snake Oil

[gen-is-gone]

help me out tumbles.

(I fully encourage anyone who sees this to vote even if you have less than zero opinion about any of these books. Vote based on title. Offer me your own fave books in the tags or replies. Vote out of spite. Go wild.)

[aarons-corner]

“He had five minutes of screen time and two lines you can’t have that many head canons of hi-” BE QUIET AND LISTEN.

A/N: But first listen to the TW!!: Mentions of self harm and stories of self harm, mentions masochism and sadism and stories of it, trauma, weapons

Oh how I just love writing angsty and traumatizing head canons about fictional characters.

And then all of a sudden I rant abt how much of a ✨T W I N K✨he is and how pretty he is

These are mostly SFW besides the trigger warnings above. If you have requests for characters just send me a message through my ask box and I’ll get to you asap, requests are always open atm :) (if a request makes me uncomfy, I will either not respond or if it’s rlly bad I’ll ask you to read my boundaries on my A03 which you should read regardless if ur requesting a fic for anyone )

Jimmy! Who owns 79 sweaters. 9 are turtlenecks, 5 are his dad’s, 2 are his mom’s, and the rest are regular sweaters that have cool designs

Jimmy! Who has the best fashion sense out of all his friends

Jimmy! Who is the richest and Sid hates him and his family for it

Jimmy! Who was just a cute little nerd for the first 14 years of his life. With his cute little glasses (yes they were round), cute sweaters, cute polo shirt, and cute black jeans (and yes the sweater and polo shirt were tucked into the jeans). He reads about space and shit and always readjusts his glasses because they’re too big for his cute little face to this day.

Jimmy! Who has a rock collection, or specifically a crystal collection. He calls them ‘pretty rocks’ (shut up ur pretty)

Jimmy! Who wants a witch and/or gothic girlfriend/boyfriend and wants to wear their pretty gothic jewelry and nazar like a symbol he’s theirs (and for the nazar, protection) or be given anti-anxiety spells and essential oils and stuff

Jimmy! Who has always been bisexual and had a crush on Dutch unknowingly in elementary school, they laugh about it now

Jimmy! Who’s a Switch. I mean come on just look at the pretty boy

Jimmy! Who gets absolutely emotional when drunk and/or high (he does both. At once and separately) and starts crying about climate change and how he can’t eat the soap in that one shop in the strip mall

Jimmy! Who owns many pets and houseplants and takes very good care of them all. He owns a snake named Athena, two parakeets named Jordan and Snowball, and a kitten named Jinx

Jimmy! Who is obsessed with Greek mythology

Jimmy! Who literally never knows what’s happening. He’ll forget what class he’s in, what his plans are for the day, etc

Jimmy! Who despite the above, is a straight A student and his parents have very high expectations of him

Jimmy! Who is a sadist and a masochist because of past trauma. His parents had high expectations, but were also neglectful which caused him to be exposed to things he shouldn’t have been exposed to at an early age (ex: gore, p⭐️rnography, substances, etc)

Jimmy! Who despite this, would never act this way towards his partner or friends or force his partner into it. He’s the biggest gentleman in the world and doesn’t let his trauma define who he is as a person and the way he treats others.

Jimmy! Who once got drunk and kissed Tommy. They kissed again sober just to see if there were feelings or not, there were no feelings and they never mentioned it again

Jimmy! Who catches feelings way too easily. He definitely fawned over Johnny at the nerd point in his life but ignored it because he ALSO has a fear of rejection

Jimmy! Who has the softest hair in the world

Jimmy! Who struggled with SH for the longest time. Neglectful but overbearing parents who only care about grades, being bullied, karate being stressful, any negative feeling, led to him harming himself in one way or another. His friends only found out after hearing some random guys shit talking Jimmy and calling him every slur under the sun. Later Dutch found Jimmy sobbing in a bathroom stall and blood stained jeans on the thigh area. Dutch got him new pants, took the blade, and made him promise to never do it again.

Jimmy! Who didn’t listen and has a small box of sharp objects, like broken glass, needles (for sewing and surgical), knives of all sorts, blades from pencil sharpeners, and even just overly sharp pencils. No one ever found the box and he still has it (I’m gonna confiscate it)

Jimmy! Who’s Cobra Kai jacket was a size too big when he first got it and it looked so fucking cute oversized

Jimmy! Who although wants to date a goth boy or girl, goths scare him and he gets nervous talking to them because he thinks they’re too cool for him or they’ll be mean to him :(

Jimmy! Who along with Johnny, did the skeleton makeup for everyone and did absolutely amazing

Jimmy! Who is the second shortest in the group (shortest is Dutch) and is constantly leaned on and used as an arm rest by Bobby and Tommy

Jimmy! Whose hair is so god damn fluffy. His partner plays with it 24/7

Jimmy! Who adores forehead kisses and kisses on the cheek (as in face this is the SFW version lmao)

Jimmy! Who wishes he looked more like Daniel sometimes (don’t bby ur perfect)

Jimmy! Who is husband male wife material

Should I do a Part 2??

[pluralzalpha]

Galactic Gazetteer: Pluto (Whoniverse)

AKA: Sol 9

Type: planet/dwarf planet

Location: Outer Solar System, Mutter's Spiral

Moons: five

Solar satellites: six

Inhabitants: humans, Usurians, Plutonian microbes

Affiliation: The Company, Plutoid Republic

Capital: Megropolis One

Visited by: the Fourth Doctor, Leela and K9

First appearance: The Sun Makers (1977)

Major references: K9: "Black Hunger" (2010), "Weapons Grade Snake Oil" (2017 Faction Paradox novel)

Fun fact: in the 21st century, Pluto was home to a species of voracious, deadly microbes

Another fun fact: millions of years in the future, after the Earth and Mars were exhausted of their resources, the Usurian Company moved humanity to Pluto, terraforming it by installing six artificial suns.

Fun fact 3: after overthrowing the Company, the human inhabitants of Pluto and nearby planetoids founded the Plutonian Republic of Technosapien Enhanced Cultures, AKA PROTEC or the Plutoid Republic.

[doctornolonger]

This is documak. I moved to a new blog after my last one was deactivated. Today I want your opinion on the renegade known as the Hussar, introduced in Weapons Grade Snake Oil, and his timeship, the Kraken, a big squid TARDIS. What're your thoughts on him? Do you like him?

I love the Hussar! Weapons Grade Snake Oil is one of my favorite FP novels, it’s so incredibly pulpy but also engages with some really intense class analysis in an immensely satisfying way. (It’s also the first one that I got to read on release!) And the Hussar is a huge part of that!

I’m not quite sure how the Kraken fits into the whole N-form schemata, since I don’t believe 103-forms can take nonhuman forms, but the image of a pirate Time Lord with a Kraken familiar is impeccable, and of course his fate at the end (no spoilers!) is a powerful callback to one of the EDAs’ strongest images. I can’t say he’s the character that stands out to me the most from WGSO ... but that’s more a testament to the other characters, than an indictment of the Hussar himself!

[rassilon-imprimatur]

The Eyes of Time Lords...

“Green,” said Carolyn. 

Kramer shook her head. “No, they're blue.”

“Look, I'm telling you, they're green. Just ask him.” 

Kramer stared at the Doctor, who was waiting on the streetcorner with Harris. The colour of his eyes was lost in the yellowish tinge of the streetlamp. 

“Ah, don't even bother,” she muttered, and grinned. “You think he'd ever be just one or the other? He'll tell us something and it'll make us both think we're right.”

- Vampire Science, Kate Orman and Jon Blum 

On Gallifrey, the retina had almost replaced the fingers as the main method of communicating with machines. The human eye was not so sophisticated, just an aerial, a dish of light‐ sensitive cells shunting their observations through the blind spot. The brain had to do all of the processing, flipping the image the right way up, making sense of the movement, the shapes, the narrow range of colours. But the Time Lord retina could do a reasonable amount of thinking on its own. This could be annoying when one was trying to sleep, but it was the ideal means of talking to a computer – as well as a built‐ in identity check. 

- Seeing I, Kate Orman and Jon Blum 

The Doctor had a very strange look on his face. Char noticed it at once. He looked as if someone had stepped on his grave. 

‘Ireland,’ he said at last. ‘Little place in the South of Ireland.’ He blinked once and his eyes seemed to turn from grey to blue in the afternoon light through the net curtains. ‘It begins with a “G”,’ he said, quietly.

- Mad Dogs and Englishmen, Paul Magrs 

Tobin didn’t have to do it, but she forced herself. She looked into the mute gaze of former-Councillor Allisheer St Marx. Those mirror-flecked eyes were neither resigned nor angry, accusing nor forgiving. They were, she endeavoured to persuade herself, barely human at all.

- Of the City of the Saved, Philip Purser-Hallard 

The Godmother unmasked was twice as intimidating as otherwise. A severe, bleached countenance, with sharp brow, nose and chin, Antigone had dark penetrating eyes, flecked with the tell-tale purple of the Homeworld high-caste. 

- Weapons Grade Snake Oil, Blair Bidmead 

[haribeaux]

Sojourner & Ellie

by Blair Bidmead

Sojourner sat, hunched over, on the edge of the bed. The back of her hospital gown didn’t quite meet, exposing her spine. Malnutrition had drawn each vertebra in stark relief. The draft from the open door froze her ashen skin, but she was too weak to even adjust her clothing.

She ran her calloused fingers across her recently shaven scalp.

There was no going back.

Footsteps.

The orderly returned, with a metal tray full of medical paraphernalia and a tall glass of water.  

There was no food.

The orderly was a squat, pasty man wearing grey overalls and a disinterested expression. He set down the tray on the bedside cabinet and cleared his throat.

“Please,” said Sojourner.

“Give me your arm,” said the orderly.

“Can I just have a little something…”

“Not yet,” said the orderly. “You signed the form. Once you’ve been installed, then we shall arrange some food. Give me your arm.”

He held up a steel gas-syringe and slotted an ampoule, filled with a silvery fluid, into the chamber.  

Gingerly, Sojourner held out her arm.

The orderly took hold of her wrist, placed the nozzle of the syringe in the crook of her elbow and pulled the trigger. There was a hiss and Sojourner felt a sharp jolt of pain shoot up towards her shoulder. The orderly released her arm, then passed Sojourner the glass of water.

“You may feel slightly nauseous,” he said. “It’s entirely normal. The loading programme starts automatically. Integration can take anything up to twelve hours.” He dropped the syringe onto the tray with a clang. “That gives you plenty of time to make your first shift.” He lifted the tray and turned to leave.

“Please,” said Sojourner.

But the orderly ignored her, exiting the room without once looking back.

Sojourner examined her arm. The injection had left no trace. She flexed her elbow and stretched her fingers. No unusual aches or pains.

Nothing.

She sipped her water.

There was a second of absolute silence. Then Sojourner was hit by a tidal wave of nausea. Her stomach spasmed and she dropped her glass, which bounced across the floor, splashing water on her bare feet. Something was wringing out her spinal column like a dishcloth. She tried to cry out, but all that emerged from her throat was a rattling splutter.

Her eyes streamed with stinging tears, as her every muscle crumpled in tension. She rolled onto her side, shaking violently, dry heaving and coated in cold sweat.

What had she done?

Sojourner had already escaped indentured servitude on more than one occasion. Was her biology simply rejecting it this time? Enough was enough.  

Was she dying again?

Her eyesight faded.

Her body ceased to feel.

Sojourner hung in darkness. Awake, yet detached from her senses. All pain, all sensation had vanished. She thought. She was. That was all.

“Hello,” said a voice.

Sojourner jolted with surprise. The voice was distinct from her thoughts, yet was somehow emanating from inside her own head. Were her senses not already detached and distant, Sojourner would have been utterly petrified.

“I’ve locked off your consciousness while the nanobots finish the upgrade,” said the voice. “I understand that the sensation can be unpleasant and thought it might be better if you weren’t present during the alterations.”

The voice was warm, female, familiar and yet Sojourner could not place it.

“I do not know the origin of the voice which you are currently hearing,” said the voice. “It was selected by your subconscious. We can probably find out exactly who or what it is once we fully integrate.”

Sojourner struggled to comprehend. Something was violating her mind.

“’Violating’ seems a little strong,” said the voice. “I am here. Present. Within your thoughts. Part of the processes. This is the preliminary integration. We have to take this a step at a time, so as to not overload you.”

Sojourner finally understood. This was the voice of the machine.

The mammoth.

“Sort of,” said the voice. “Cymbiosis is a bit more complicated than that. Like I said; the voice you are hearing comes from your subconscious. You selected it. I don’t know why you have given me this voice. I don’t ‘hear’ the voice. The sensation of integration is as much a novelty to me as it is to you. Although, when I say “I”, then I suppose I mean ‘the mammoth’. Except that I am currently generating…”

Sojourner really wanted the voice to stop.

“Of course,” said the voice.

Silence.

Sojourner floated in the void. The voice had stopped but the presence was still there. The silence became awkward.

“We are getting ahead of ourselves,” said the voice. “I’m sorry. We have plenty of time.”

According to the contract to which Sojourner had agreed; they had all the time in the world.

“Indeed,” said the voice. “I do understand your trepidation. I feel the same. Integration as an experience is as new to me as it is you. I am fully briefed as to the mechanics of the process. The actual sensation of the process is far more difficult to express.”

Sojourner noticed that the voice had said that it felt the same. Felt.

“Yes,” said the voice. “I feel as you feel.”

Cymbiosis.

“Yes,” said the voice. “Once we undergo full integration, this will become second nature. Apparently.”  

Was that a trace of sarcasm?  

Sojourner felt a pleasant sensation, something like the afterglow of a smile.

“There is a good chance of your face smiling again,” said the voice. “The nanobots have completed the preliminary stage. Do you think that you are ready for the next step?”

Now that her initial terror had subsided, Sojourner was surprised by how quickly she was warming to the voice. Idly she wondered if she should give 'the voice' a name.

“That’s up to you,” said the voice. “I think we’re ready to leave here.”

Sojourner agreed.

As the next step of integration began to take hold, Sojourner had a brief flashback to her previous life-but-one. A ping. A new 'friend request'. A new connection.  

A new 'Life Event'. A new folder labeled, LE01. An empty folder, ready to be filled. A new beginning.

“Are you ready, Sojourner?” said the voice.

“I’m ready, Ellie,” said Sojourner.

A quick sketch of Ellie

http://obversebooks.co.uk/product/wgso

[mumblelard]

i am a bubbling cauldron of holographic blue hate with a convenient shake top but i’m trying real hard to be the shepherd 

[hollowspectacular]

Weapons Grade Snake Oil is delightful.

[dragonrajafanfiction]

Genji Heavy Industries (Part 8) Laser Pointer

Hahahahahahhaahahahhaha....

*deep inhale*

Hahahahahahahahahaha

The three men leaned against the shrine panting heavily. You helped Caesar and Chu Zihang load bullets as fast as you could. While Chisei looked out at the flames in the hall. The corpse guard specimen at the end of the hall had burned down like a wax candle to reveal a dark golden skeleton.

“What happened to you?” Caesar asked.

“I was called to another elevator. When I got in, it lost power and took me down to the lowest floor basement.” You were so tired that your hands moved automatically while your eyes unfocused. You shake your head to clear your vision and that sends pain shooting through the middle of your skull. You squeeze one eye shut against the pain and keep going.

“You’re hurt?”

“No… it’s just sequelae. From using my Soul Skill earlier.” You wave him away.

“Where’s Lu Mingfei?” Caesar asks.

“I don’t know. I thought he would have made it through the elevator with you.”

“The earthquake stopped the elevator.” Chu Zihang stood up, holding his Uzi, and looking down at you with his golden gaze. “Was that you?”

“Yeah.” You brace yourself on Caesar’s shoulder and stand too. 

Caesar whistles long and low through his teeth.

“Reports are coming in saying it was 6.5 magnitude.”

“Oh… I was going for 7.0.” You smirk. “Pretty close.”

"How many C4 explosives do you have?" Chisei suddenly asked. 

"Fifteen pounds, but the explosion doesn't seem to seriously injure them. If C4 explosives can't hurt them, then 'Royal Flame' can't do it either." Chu Zihang said. 

"The shockwave of the explosion can't hurt them, but the flames could be fatal to them. Look at that corpse guard. Mermaid oil is very flammable. They can be their own best fuel." 

Chu Zihang was stunned: "But they didn't burn immediately in the explosion just now." 

"That's because they're alive and the corpse guards are dead. The corpse guards are dehydrated. The sphinxes still have a lot of water in their bodies. They have to be in the fire for a long time before they burn up! The Mural Hall is a completely enclosed space, and this is the best place for a fire!" Chisei exclaimed.

"Smothering the sphinxes? Not a bad idea. But they could escape. If they can get in through the elevator doors, they can get out through them." Caesar said. 

Chisei pointed above the elevator door: "Above this kind of door must be a steel bar supporting it, we put a piece of C4 explosive there, powerful enough to blow that steel bar, the wall will collapse down, they have no way to escape." 

Chu Zihang calculated: "We can use a delayed fuse. One that can explode in twenty seconds. That would be enough time for us to enter the elevator shaft and hide outside the explosion range." 

Caesar thought about it: "Then we have to lure the group of them deep into the hall. The more concentrated they are, the better the burning effect." 

"No problem, I'll act as bait." Chisei said. 

“Bait?” You looked to Caesar for answers.

“The blood of Chisei is extremely attractive to them. When he dripped it down the elevator shaft, that’s what brought them down here.”

You nod, understanding.

“What brought you here by the way?” Caesar was leading you away to the armory room. 

“Someone threw a flare. All the other elevator doors were closed. I figured this had to be the only one that was open.”

“Ah.”

Caesar shut the door of the armory. “Alright, suit up. This will be the big push.”

Chu Zihang and Caesar moved between the rows of shelves. You stay behind to lean against the wall. “Give me a minute.”

It occurred to you that this might be the point where you died and whenever your life was in danger, you felt a deep appreciation of your own body. You remembered this feeling of fatigue when you pulled a sledge full of wood through feet of snow. You walked until your thoughts faded away, ignoring the pain and hunger and thirst, one foot after the other. Your body carried you. And thanks to your dragon blood, you recovered quickly to get up the next day.  So you knew this body was tired. But as soon as it ate and drank and got a nice rest it would perk up again.

But the one thing you could give it now was oxygen. You take slow deep breaths, filling your lungs completely, holding it a bit, and then emptying them completely. Your lungs would take that oxygen and revive your muscles for the fight.

Already, you could feel yourself reviving and stretched your arms over your head, feeling the rush of blood to your tissues. You rolled your shoulder and remembered lying on the floor looking up into the eyes of Z.

Z made you break that tank for a reason. You doubted it was to kill you and that gave you hope.

Caesar moved to the door and leaned against it to rest, running his hand over two rifles. 

��The bone-chilling, eerie sound of a giant python sliding against the ground came from behind the door. The group of sphinxes has invaded the mural hall. The only thing separating you from them is a layer of carved wooden doors. With strength like theirs, breaking such a door was no  effort, but this group of low IQ beasts has not yet noticed this room. After mutating, some Death Servitors will gain superb vision, hearing or smell, but the snake versions don’t get significant enhancements to their senses. Their golden pupils look hideous but they actually have weak vision. They have a sharp sense of smell but they’re intoxicated by the smell of blood in the hot air of the mural hall. As for hearing, these have basically zero. They’re more attuned to ground vibrations. As long as you stay still, they will have a hard time finding your hiding place. 

"What's their approximate number?" Chu Zihang asked in a low voice. 

Caesar’s eyes flared golden and the Scythe Itachi went out.

"More than a hundred. All of them have entered the mural hall and the elevator shaft has been cleared. They're eating the dead. I can hear them chewing away at the muscles, disgusting." Caesar said softly, "What's your assessment of the combat power of these snake-like dead men?" 

Chu Zihang thought for a moment. "A grade. Speed exceeds that of a zebra, tearing power is close to that of a lion. Strong cellular activity, so wounds heal quickly. The most vulnerable parts are the heart, head and nervous system. Severed limbs are nothing to them.” 

Caesar nodded: "I also think it is A-class. One on one with them, we’d have a disadvantage.”

You finally move to go arm yourself. “They’re dumb as hell, though. So there’s that.” You say.

The two men fall silent. “Did you fight them?” Caesar asked.

“Yeah.” You wrap a new belt that will fit multiple weapons onto your waist and cinch it up. These belts were made for men, so you have to use a knife to make a hole for the buckle. “Well… technically no. I made them fight each other.”

“How is that possible? You’re not even hurt!” Caesar looked you up and down. “And you still had plenty of rounds.”

“Well… I used my C4 detonator.” You tilt your head, unsure of what he wanted you to say. “I mean if they want to eat each other, I’m not going to get in the way of that.”

“Perhaps an S-ranked hybrid could take them on.” Chu Zihang said, thoughtfully.

It wasn’t like you were unprepared to fight those beasts. But how could you tell them that the ghost of your dead boyfriend appeared in an elevator to Hell and you went on a date with them in front of the big holding tank? The whole thing sounded silly. You knew how to fight them because Z had shown you how. But there was no way to communicate that.

"Do you trust that Japanese guy? He wouldn't have run away by now, would he?" Caesar asked in a low voice. 

"Since I chose to cooperate, I can only trust him, right?" Chu Zihang shrugged.

"It's rare for such a gullible character to have survived to this day." Caesar shrugged back, "He is something that bleeds dragon blood. Dragons are creatures without feelings. If their strength overwhelms you, they will definitely devour you." 

Chu Zihang did not speak again. 

"Okay, okay, I have no intention of figuring that girl out. To say the least, I quite liked her. She was so pretty ...... But it's best not to trust something that bleeds dragon blood." Caesar took a deep breath. 

You let out a breath. In a way, you agreed with Caesar. Z’s yellow eyes gave you a mix of fear and fascination. His kiss made your heart race. You always knew he was scheming something, but you never knew if it was good or bad or had nothing to do with you. And yet you couldn’t help but love it when he laughed. Was what you felt love? Whatever it was, it sure felt good. HIs hands in your hair in front of the holding tank. It felt good.

Your eyes suddenly went wide. “Bait.”

The memory of Z playing with the beasts using a laser pointer flashes through your mind and your face breaks out into a smile. You start pacing the shelves, looking up and down. “Did you guys see a laser sight anywhere in here?”

“What do you need that for? You’re a good shot.” Caesar asked.

“Yes, I need it for something else.”

“There should be one on an AK-47…” Chu Zihang said.

“I found it.” The name AK-47 stood for Avtomat Kalashnikova. It was a Soviet rifle and one you were familiar with, but this specimen looked like it was taken right from your childhood. It was aged, worn and a little rusted. Just like the one you used to use. You picked it up reverently, staring at it in silence while your heart filled with a strange warmth, like the sun coming up for the first time after a long winter night. Your hands caress the laser sight tenderly.

While many women were moved by cards, roses, jewelry and sweets, what moved your heart was the sight of this laser on a Kalashnikov. With this laser, you could live. You unscrew it and hold it to your heart with a smile coming over your face.

You turn to Caesar and Zihang who are eyeing you warily. But you can’t stop smiling. “Okay, I’m going to mark one of them with the Anesthesia bullet dye okay? Don’t kill that one.”

Z. He was a genius… You chuckle and join the boys at the door.

"Are you ready?" Caesar sighs softly.

You nod. You’re smiling as you load a single Frigga bullet into your empty pistol.  “Remember, don’t kill the one I mark!”

"Then let’s start!" Caesar slapped the button to open the door and stepped out in a big way. 

A Deadpool was lying on the overhang in front of the weapons hall door. Reflex speed multiplied after the snake mutation, so it immediately struck at the back of Caesar's neck. But Caesar had already determined its position through the use of Scythe Itachi and fired upward with his shotgun. The Deadpool Sphinx fell to its back.

The shotgun was extremely powerful but not penetrating enough. After the wounded creature landed, it rolled to get up and recoiled to strike again. Chu Zihang's crossbow penetrates its abdomen to pin it to the ground, and the two Sten submachine guns fired into its forehead until the two cartridges were empty. 

"No wonder everyone in the academy says you're a killer. I really like your kind of execution style." Caesar dropped the shotgun and pulled out two Sten submachine guns from the carry pouch behind Chu Zihang. 

"I'm not interested in bloodshed, but I know that showing mercy to something like this will only get us killed." Chu Zihang's right hand drew up another gun from the backpack Caesar carried. Chu Zihang carried Caesar’s guns and vice versa. It was a nice way to keep efficiently armed.  Chu Zihang looked at you in curiosity.

You weren’t using the laser sight to aim, but wiggled it against the ground as though fishing, whispering to yourself. “Heeere, Kitty, Kitty. Come here… I know you’re here…”

One of the deadpool that looked female with an ample golden chest and pretty eyes saw the red dot and opened her jaw ninety degrees to scream bloody-murder. Her eyes were as big as dinner plates. She slid her snake tail vigorously, physically pushing other beasts out of the way and leaving long gashes on them.

“There you are! Gotcha!” You fire a single anesthesia bullet. The red dye smashes between her eyes and paints her face crimson, clearly marking her. She covers her face with her claws in annoyance and wails in fury, associating the red dot with getting hit with a paintball.

You wiggle the dot in a zigzag pattern and she pounces on it with the anger of seven devils. Once you were sure you had her hooked, you scroll the red dot on the face of one of the deadpools who blinks once against the blinding laser light before its head is bitten clean in half by the female.

The spectacular result sends a burst of laughter from you. You loved him. You didn’t care if it wasn’t really love as others defined it. You loved Z. This was fun. This was fantastic!

You wiggled the point of light until she saw it again. She paused in confusion for a moment, her eyes burning brighter and brighter, then she was off again, galloping after the red dot and smashing into another of her own kind. The red dot danced on the back of her poor victim who had no idea that the attack was coming. The female deadpool with the red-dyed face tore through scales, muscle tissue and bone like a woodchipper.

Your laughter filled the whole burning temple. They were stupid! They were so stupid!

You had turned the female deadpool into a terror of her own kind. As she mowed through the crowded mural hall like a living blender, she left a trail of wounded behind her. The Deadpool, who were too cannibalistic and mindless to remember why they were there, immediately started to tear each other apart as soon as one smelled the blood of the other. 

It was an absolute bloodbath and you had only fired one non-lethal shot.

Caesar and Chu Zihang looked at you in stunned amazement. You looked back at them, crying with laughter. You didn’t have a birthday, but this was like a present, the best present you’d ever received. Z had buried this little Easter egg in the ground, hoping you’d find it. It was for you. No one else would get the joke!

[zealousartisantimemachine-blog]

Cone Snails versus Man

Deep Sea Diving with all the diving gear, through a rigorous and vigorous training has its invaluable dividends. Among  the fish, he is likely to see colorful objects. The Cone Snail.

Colorful Cone shells The snail underneath would be a boneless Snail, looking for its own food amid equally colorful fish. Remembering about electric eels in fresh water, training would have taught him to regard these with the respect due to a living organism,  but yet research and seek to satisfy his curiosity.

The cone snail is known for its beautiful shell and that is what attracts the collectors. On being picked up by its shell, the snail will stick its harpoon into the person. The kind of effect will depend on the snail’s poison as each one has its distinct fingerprint. The poison contains a neurotic element which can temporarily paralyze you. Severe respiratory problems will start developing and the body will ultimately shut down due to the nervous breakdown. It is advised that if you are stung by a cone snail, immediate CPR    Cardiopulmonary resuscitation should be performed or else risk dying. In extreme cases, full blood transfusions might be necessary to get the poison out of the system.

The cone snail, one of the most venomous animals on earth, releases a cloud of insulin when a fish swims by, causing it to go into hypoglycaemic shock, immobilizing it so it can inject the fish with a cocktail of up to 200 toxins.

Museums Victoria, Australia's largest Public Museum, holds about 8000 individual cone shells.   A team of scientists there spent months digitizing and re-organizing those shells. In life, all the cone snails used venom to hunt prey. Inside one particular shell was a kind of Cartridge containing the arsenal of neurotoxins so diabolically complex it may actually harbor secrets which prove hugely beneficial to human society.

So the most venomous animal on Earth is probably not a predator like a Rattle Snake or a Cobra, or even a Viper, that looks dangerously intimidating. Surprisingly its the Snail, also a synonym moving at the slowest of speeds.The kind that is in the Ocean, sporting a Shell so exquisite it is among the most desired of all sea shells. Its shell is conical, placing it among the 800 or so species of  marine predators which make up the Conidae family—known in plain English  as cone snails.

Conus geographus—aka, the Geography Cone—eats fish. Sometimes, entire schools of them.

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Yes, one of the slowest of creatures catches one of the fastest, even  several at time. Not by chasing them down, but by immobilizing them. 

With chemical weapons.When its unsuspecting prey swims past, the Geography Cone releases a  cloud of insulin. It’s the same hormone used as a life-saving drug for  diabetics, just subverted.

The insulin cloud—called a ‘nirvana cabal’—enters  the fish’s blood stream through the gills. Instead of stabilising,  their blood sugars plummet and the fish enter hypoglycaemic shock.

Cone snails are the only animals in the world, other than humans,  that have been recorded to use insulin as a weapon. bunch of pretty shells, indeed ! 

The Geography Cone then sends out a false mouth which balloons like a  net and engulfs the stupefied fish. Selecting from up to 200 toxins,  the snail concocts a fatal potion which it injects into its prey with a  harpoon-like tooth.

Other cone snails launch these harpoons from a proboscis, shooting  fish at a distance and reeling them in before swallowing them whole.  Some submerge themselves in sand, lying in ambush. It is the incredibly varied nature of these chemicals which makes cone snails so appealing to biomedical research. Because, by peering into their lethal chemical arsenals, scientists can make life-saving breakthroughs as cone snail venom that can target specific pain receptors in humans without the addictive qualities. 

Creation is beautiful from a distance, in its natural habitation, natural endogenous spaces and privacy, without human interference, for we have already seen the effects of this when we interfered with Bats. 

The moment he sets his eyes on something, beautiful, he figures it out why its beautiful and seeks to find ways in which he can possess it, employing to his advantage. 

In his next follow up measure, which is used as a standard template he has set for himself, he examines the conditions for its growth and its, streamlines the channels that supplies the food for it, and extracts its venom, processing it for the updating present suppressant, grading it, distributing the lowest grade for the under-developed countries, then middle order quality to the developing countries, and keeping the creame for himself and his superior white race. He then converts it into Capsules or Tablet, or merely an injection. His claim of improving it to 1000 times will be capitalized likewise.

At some point in the future, fresh, blue and crystal clear water and unpolluted, non-toxic clean air, with absolute purity will be rarity with Powerful Rich Nations aspiring to take into control that Nation that has such massive sources of water, as the Powerful Nations go for Oil, now.

Thus it applies to all things living that the human animal finds it desirable for his never-ending needs.

After the extinction of the Cone Snails, it will be the Jellyfish.

Observe through Scientific History of exploration in reaching out to each corner of this World, especially in the South American, African and the Tropical Jungles, the Seven Seas, where there is no stone upturned to find out possibilities that could be of service to the homo sapiens in every conceivable way.

While the purpose of this blog is to highlight just this, that some point we have to pull the brake-lever up, and call to the powers that be to stop looking at the bountiful Nature as something that exists for the Human Beings' consumption to service all his fancies needs to compensate for his indisciplined behaviour and nurture his narcissistic pursuits.

[quakerjoe]

NO MORE: A CUPPA JOE FOR FRIDAY 13 MARCH 2020

I think if Biden's "it", I'm going to abstain.

I'm tired of the Dems doing nothing.

I'm tired of them forcing me to decide between two evils.

I'm not willing to surrender my minute, little slice of political power because of it.

I'll vote downballot and try to replace the old guard who are feckless and ineffective.

I'm tired of their propaganda shows, playing on their fame and reputation while answering to money, not us.

I'm tired of them NOT moving to get rid of the Electoral College.

I'm tired of them NOT moving to attack gerrymandering.

I'm tired of their inability to stand up to a party rife with the actual 'deep state' rich fucks, the nazis, and the kkk.

I'm tired of them playing gambling games with our lives instead of being a force to be reckoned with.

I'm tired of them being decades behind the times.

I'm going to have the balls to abstain.

I'm going to shoot a message into the wall for all to see...

"NO MORE"

Lining me up to vote for a lesser of two evils- the promise of PLUTOCRACY under Biden OR the threat of FASCISM under trump- seriously? I can't see myself attaching my name to that. NO MORE.

Screaming at me because I'm a Sanders supporter and then accusing me of being some fuckwit "Bernie Bro" because I disagree with you? NO MORE.

Here's the thing- WHEN the DNC fronts Biden, and you KNOW they will, we'll see 2016 all over again. When Biden loses, and you KNOW he will, all of these chicken-shit "Vote Blue No Matter Who" cucks will blame ME and those like me, the Progressives, for the defeat SOMEHOW. They always do. NOBODY was willing to own up to HRC's defeat in 2016; what should have been the EASIEST victory in political history.

Oh, and SPARE ME this horse shit about 'electibility' too. Stop sucking corporate media dick for a change. Do you think trump was or even IS "electable"? Let's be clear- BOTH trump AND Biden are all about sucking Wall St ass. BOTH want to give the super rich all the breaks and leave YOU with the bill. BOTH will shitcan Social Security AND Medicare/Medicaid. BOTH.

While Sanders is trying to get us on board with a health care system to literally save us ALL during a pandemic, Biden said, on live telly, that he'd veto the bill if it came to his desk because suddenly, despite voting FOR war with Iraq, NOW he's wanting to know where the money will come from.

So no, I won't be voting for Biden. The country is sick as fuck, and the DNC snake oil solution hasn't worked yet and it never will. The time for massive change is in the air, and that scares Americans because they're terrified of EVERYTHING. This is NOT the "home of the brave". If you couldn't stomach backing Sanders, then I say to you- YOU are a COWARD. As for me- NO MORE!

Right up until recently I was all "Vote Blue No Matter Who" just because I was against trump, and let's be clear- I AM. But using trump's shittiness as leverage for the Dems to allow another version of him who said "nothing's going to change much" to be their candidate is them force-feeding us all a steaming plate of shit. They expect us to eat it. Most of you will. I won't anymore. NO MORE.

Neither Biden or trump ca form coherent sentences or string a thought or two together. And while some of you are out there cavalierly throwing around the "You're a Bernie Bro!" card, your boy Joe is actually verbally abusing and threatening to fight voters, LIVE on camera! So take the Bernie Bro shit and cram it up your ass. You get to play that card NO MORE.

I highly doubt my abstaining from voting for Biden if/when he's the nominee will put a dent in history. I highly doubt this post will start a rally with congrats being thrown my way for having the stones to finally tell the DNC to go fuck themselves. I suspect that more angry responses will fly at me, accusing me of only helping trump. To be clear, I'm helping NEITHER. If anything, I have a better understanding of those who wouldn't vote blue no matter who in 2016. Perhaps I'm just late catching on, but I get it now.

America is ill. Corporate media is ass-fucking you ALL. Progressives get ZERO media coverage, and the GOP-DNC alliance is still conning you into choosing between High Grade Fuckery with GOP politicians of Diet Fuckery with Democrats. MY precious, singular, little vote is my ONLY true weapon, and I hold it dearly. For my own conscience, dignity, and self respect, it must be earned and not surrendered just because I don't like trump. EITHER WAY we're voting for pretty much the same fuckwad only one has an (R) on the ballot, the other a (D).

Perhaps the only way things will TRULY get better is if things proceed to get worse. Perhaps we're simply not "woke" enough yet. Perhaps we really DO want more trump, otherwise the DNC would have told Joe to sit down and shut the fuck up ages ago. Perhaps Warren would have got off her ass and endorsed her "fellow" Progressive immediately in 2016 or, this time around, dropped out before Super Tuesday and, along with Yang, and the "anti-Biden" hypocrite-turncoats like Booker and "I was that girl" Kamala Harris. No, these bullshit artists showed us their true colors and backed Biden. The jig is up. We watched them SELL US ALL OUT, instead of backing the candidate that better and more closely represented their own agendas, or so they claimed once upon a time.

This gaggle of liars and hypocrites will NOT get my vote. NO MORE.

In their actions, the Dems have made it clear. In Biden's own words they seem to want us to 'vote for the other guy'. Well, I choose to vote for neither. NO MORE.

 If you want to keep empowering the Democratic Party to keep making feckless choices, displaying cowardice, and serving us hot bowls of filth to ear, that’s on you. I won’t be doing it anymore. I’ll vote for what I WANT, not for what I’m willing to settle for. This country has moved so goddamned far to the right that sanity and conventional ‘leftism’ is now considered evil and unspeakable.

Why is it a bad thing to want good things for ALL of us? Why are so many people so stoked to keep throwing all of our hard-earned cash to the rich instead of seeing our tax dollars make “We the People” safer, healthier, better educated, and worth being called “the land of the free and the home of the brave”? We throw away our rights, kill our economy, destroy the planet- let’s call it what it is, shall we? We totally shit where we eat and them blame the poor and powerless for the mess. We ALWAYS punch down in this nation instead of going after those doing the real harm. Frankly, I’m sick of the stupidity and ignorance the Democrats have displayed and I will support them NO MORE.

~Quaker Joe

[motherwasapapafucker]

Fandom Meme; Faction Paradox

Favourite Male Character: Todd CalaveroFavourite Female Character: Cousin ShuncuckerLeast Favorite Character: Weapons Grade Snake Oil does a great job of showing how contemptable The Hussar really is. 

Favourite Ship: Liu/Octavia, obviously. 

Favourite Friendship: Eliza/Justine, obviously. 

Favourite Quote: “I’m told that when one sets to walking, the rhythm of the journey may greatly nourish whatever organ forms the thoughts”

“What would really happen if you tried to change history? what would happen if you travelled back to the day when (say) a man set off a nuclear bomb, and tried to stop it? A paradox? An alternative timeline? It seems arrogant, to think that something as grandiose as a new timeline would be created just for the benefit of the few billion human beings who might be affected. Did it occur to you that nothing might happen?”

“We are the life that is outside the boundary. We are the foliding of the origami of the mantis strike and the crane back into the whiteness. We will leave behind the very concept of army. Come and be alive. LIVE LOVE BE NEMO - that is ‘No-One’.” 

Worst Character Death: Eliza’s -second one- is just harrowing. 

This made me so happy you have no idea Moment: The entire confrontation in the ship at the end of This Town.

The death of the various Hitlers in Warlords is also deeply enjoyable in a lurid, pulpy sense. 

Goralschai’s ultimate choice. The one, deeply appropriate, overt Doctor mention in the Book of the War. 

Saddest Moment: I’ve already said Eliza’s death, so I guess I’ll go with the slow collapse of Meddhoran. 

Favourite Location: The Brakespeare

[osmw1]

Poison-Wielding Fugitive   Chapter 14

Okay, let’s see… Something else I can try out is Synthesize Poison, so I activate it. The same menu from Poison Condensation pops up, and upon further inspection, the same options I remember are there too. It looks like there isn’t any sort of change.

‘Hold… There is an option labeled “Create.”’

What? I double-check my options after hearing about it. I only then noticed that there was a “Create” option inside the “Synthesize” submenu. Well, let’s select it and see what’s there.

Weak Poison Weak Anesthesia

Seems like I can only make the make the two right now. Surprisingly few too. It doesn’t even look like I can make swamp toxin. I hope I’ll be able to perform when it comes to the crunch. I guess you could say I anticipate seeing myself grow. Since I’ve just changed my class, if I keep on trying new things, I should be able to do more and more.

‘For the rest of the day, let us go hunting to raise your level. After all, we have nearly finished fulfilling the request we have taken.’ “Yeah, that’s right… Even though I’ve gained as much strength as I did headaches today… No way to go but forward.”

After replying to Veno—though it might have seemed like I was talking to myself—I exited the dungeon. I walked around the pool of poison—my lifesaver in case of emergency. However, it seems like the monsters seem to have an upper edge. I didn’t see any of these yesterday, but there are quite a variety of monsters that inhabit this swamp.

I even encountered a pack of Terracotta Poison Zombie Dogs and a two-meter long venomous snake called a Khaki Snake. While camping in the water, I sniped the Zombie Dogs with my Rapid Feather Crossbow. Shooting them down turned out to be unexpectedly easy. But, were they here yesterday? These monsters? Perhaps I had not come across them. And then the Khaki Snake, maybe they’re fine with poison, so it slithered over here. But with my sword, I pierced through its head and defeated it too.

With all its might, it chomped down on me. It only hurt a little, but it was no big deal. It probably didn’t have any deadly venom. But it’s also plausible that thanks to my Poison Absorption, I healed everything but a wee bit of pain. I stopped to collect the venom of the Khaki Snake.

Perhaps what it might be is that being poisoned gave me a temporary buff. Poison Absorption, my clutch skill, is nearly frighteningly all-powerful. After the fight, I went to retrieve my bolts. A pain, but I’ve got to do my best to reuse them.

After that, I got some herbs from Veno. He taught me to grind it down to a paste and mix in some water to create medicine. Just in case I need to heal someone else than me, I’ve got it covered. And like that after my job change, I continue to unexpectedly level up without any problems.

“Blast it! You bastards! After finally making these lands livable, you have come to demand the sapling of the world tree from us?!”

Compatriots of the man from my previous dream stand before me, angrily shouting and slamming fists down on the desk in this assembly room.

“You are going to say that you need the strength of the sapling to power your weapons against the monsters, are you not? I bet you have concluded that it would be easier to steal from us than to defeat the King of Monsters.” “How you’re honestly under the impression that just by defeating that monster, you can somehow miraculously save the world… I can call it nothing but foolish.” “To minimalize your losses, you spread rumours all around the world and come stomping in our nation.” “What are you planning to do?”

They all focus their sights on the man who spoke of his dreams of reclaiming the wastelands.

“In order to protect our nation, we have no choice but to fight. To launch the first strike at the elves would incur many casualties, but it should be possible. However… with a conflict like that, the ruler of monsters would be called into action.” “… deplorable. Then we would be fighting a foolish battle.”

That voice filled with disdain was from a first-person point of view.

“I know. That’s why we have to get over this difficult hurdle with minimal sacrifices. In order to live a life without war… I know it will be a beautiful thing. And because of that, I don’t want to abandon these dreams of mine.”

The man with dreams of reclamation sympathized and his comrades nod in agreement.

“Their unreasonably demands of us proves that they’ve been driven into a corner too. Their sapling of the world tree is withering and the energy from it is dwindling, hence the excessive orders. If we hold out for a bit more, we should be able to then drag out the negotiations.”

As well, any method we choose to do things, we have to weaken trump card. The man with dreams of reclamation brandishes his sword and declares.

“From here on, no matter how unreasonable things may be or if an unnecessary war breaks out, just as long as we proceed forward with care for the people in the world, we will find a means of survival.”

He raises his sword to symbolize his determination to end the fighting, consolidating everyone to the cause.

“We have to do our best.” “Ah, you just keep doing what you’re doing. Just defend this area.” “Hmph. If you invade my territory, you will break this alliance. And if that happens, I’ll do my worst to you.” “I know. Now, so that we don’t have to lose anymore than we have already… onwards!”

The world is a complicated place. And because of that, senseless battles are fought over and over again. In that short amount of time, the mind that I have connected with understood the dizzying change of circumstances. Having strength alone won’t resolve the situation, and wars start even if you have wisdom. I might have heard a sigh of lament on how things aren’t going the way he wanted.

It’s now the third afternoon since I’ve come to this world, just after I advanced my job. I turn up at the village’s part-curio shop, part-apothecary… Arleaf’s father’s place.

“Oh, that you, Cohgray?” “Ah, yes.”

Correcting him would be a pain, so I let it slide. After taking a few requests from Arleaf’s dad, I’ve almost become a regular here. But, I mean, it’s only been three days.

“Didya go to the swamp again today? Remember to take care of your body.” “Well, I’m good at neutralizing poison…”

I brought in crystallized swamp poison that I created while I was in the swamp water today. Veno said that I could create poison with water from the swamp, so while I was out trying that out, I went gathering a few herbs.

“By the way, where is Arleaf?”

I haven’t seen her in the past three days.

“Ah, Arleaf’s gone to other villages nearby to sell medicine. She’ll be back in about… three days or so.” “Oh, is that right?”

She even goes around peddling… what a hard worker. I haven’t seen a single bad thing about her yet.

“What’s up? You interested in Arleaf? Well, she’s real friendly and she can take care of others, so she’s popular with adventurers. I’m right proud of my daughter.”

That’s for sure. She’s pretty and nice. It’d be weird if she weren’t popular. Also, quit bragging about your own daughter! There’s something annoying about that.

“That other time, you had a spat with her. Was there something wrong between the two of you?” “If I said anything, I’d be revealing her secrets and we’ll end up fighting again. Shouldn’t you ask her about it directly?” “Certainly…” “Actually, Cohgray. You come here everyday bringing those items I request. Aren’t those all pretty difficult to get for you, eh?”

For me, it’s the opposite. My suspicions on what he actually deals in this apothecary grow. From poisonous moss that will send you to the afterlife to highly addictive ingredients to be used in tobacco, all his requests are strange and worrisome.

As well, my level has gone up and so has the number of poisons I am able to create. The stuff I made during my experiment with Synthesize Poison would mesh well with all the poisonous stuff in this shop, so I brought it along. It’s an instantly-effective slow poison… Once hit by this poison, it slows down the target’s neurotransmission, causing temporary sluggishness and delayed reflexes. I could use Poison Enchantment on my crossbow arrows—err, bolts… stick them with a few of those and I’ll have an easier fight with fast-moving monsters. For some reason, this apothecary seems to deal in poisons, so I sold it to him.

And, about money… well, I’ve saved up quite a bit, I thought… but when I went to the equipment store, my eyes popped out of their sockets. An iron sword is still affordable. But anything else is in a totally different league. And furthermore, the oil for maintaining my sword is kinda pricey too. Jumping into the swamp really makes my sword rust up quick, putting me in quite the unfortunate plight of having to constantly polish it.

“And more than that, you’ve even brought some mid-grade potions. There’s no way I wouldn’t be interested.” “Well, you know, I’m learning from an acquaintance how to make them.”

After switching jobs, Veno recommended me to buy a pot, a mortar, and a pestle so that I can learn how to make potions. Though I can heal myself with poisons, I could fulfill any requests for medicines. Maybe it’s because Veno himself is a dragon poison or perhaps it’s his never-ending curiosity, but medicine is something he’s familiar with. Veno stored a whole lot of roughly-prepared potions for me,  but he told me that I should refine and finalize them. With his support, I keep on producing more. Poison and potion begin the same anyway.

“Cohgray. What about the mana potions that I’ve personally requested you to get me?” “Oh, that stuff. I’ve already made some yesterday.”

I made some of the exact medicine—err, potions—that speeds up magic recovery appear right on his counter. I made it from poisonous herbs in the swamp that Arleaf didn’t pick. It was relatively easy to make for how much money it sells for. Two days ago, Arleaf’s dad showed me a way that I must make it, but it was quite the pain in the ass way to do so. When I probed into it, all I knew I had to do was to make a different concoction with the same effects. With me stuck between that and the pain in the ass method, Veno called out to me.

‘Though it is an easy process, I am a fool for not having realized sooner…’

Veno tells me that this process isn’t something that he found out by himself. I didn’t ask further, but does that mean it’s the method of someone hiding somewhere out there in the world? Or maybe it’s something like a recipe book written by an old witch who’s now in retirement. Whatever the origins may be, a complete novice like I was able to make a decent potion using the techniques I learned from back in home-ec class in school with this method. All I had to do was to grind poisonous herbs down to a paste with a mortar and pestle, boil it, reduce it, stir it, and strain it through some cloth. Well… if you were to handle it with bare hands, you’re likely to develop a rash. But since I had Poison Absorption, I was perfectly fine.

“Alrighty, then, I’ll buy it from you. Lookin’ forward to the next time too… I know you said you’re good with poison, but don’t get cocky, eh? There is stuff out there that no one can handle.” “That is something I have got see then.”

I’d also want to test out the capabilities of my Poison Absorption too. It’s important to know your limits and to stay within it, right?

“Seeing you bein’ so composed, no wonder you don’t need no buddies.” “Was that sarcastic?”

The adventurers in the plaza and the tavern all seem to be looking for more party members, but it’s hard to join an already established group. So that’s why I can’t help but to do these quests all on my own. It’s not by choice!

“You don’t have a Warrior above level 30, do ya? We’re recruiting people to defeat a Tiger Ohm.”

It feels like he’s saying that just to see if I have a party I adventure with. It’s just that… most people are higher level than me. And the ones who are low-levelled all claim to be a great class. Moreover, we’re in such a deserted village; there aren’t many people here. From what I can tell from the three days I’ve been here, all the parties seem to have a fixed lineup already.

I’ve been asking here and there to join a group… but I’m a Poison-Wielder! I can’t say tell people that. Maybe I should lie about my job. I’d be such a chicken though. “Poison-Wielder” just doesn’t sound good and plus, I’m being pursued… Because of that, I’ve been going for quests that I can complete alone, such as ones in the heart of the poisonous swamp. Besides, the swamp feels like an onsen; soaking in it takes away my fatigue.

By the way, I’m level 17 right now. I feel like I’m levelling up quite quickly. It seems like the monsters in the swamp aren’t exactly weak either. It’s a dangerous place for monsters who can’t do a thing to counteract the poison. And partly because of the miasma, adventurers in this empty village don’t go out that way much. The rare ones that do go, I haven’t met yet. That’s why there are so many plants to harvest over there with lots of monsters still alive too. Because of that… there have been rumours saying that I might be some high-level, high-rank mage or something like that.

previously: /ch001/ /ch002/ /ch003/ /ch004/ /ch005/ /ch006/ /ch007/ /ch008/ /ch009/ /ch010/ /ch011/ /ch012/ /ch013/ /next/ (full list of translated chapters) (discussion thread) (support Average Translations)

[doctornolonger]

Between Weapons Grade Snake Oil this January, Tales of the Civil War February, Spinning Jenny being “imminent”, Book of the Enemy later this year, and rumors about Opus Majus for March, Obverse just might have an INCREDIBLE Faction Paradox 20th anniversary year in the works.

[rassilon-imprimatur]

The Bidmead Masterplan, or...

... the Birdseed Marzipan

Blair Bidmead. Obverse author. Faction Paradox novelist. Iris scribe. Champion of Original Characters and headcanon. Hartnell lover. A Bludgeon to canon.  

These are his stories. 

Señor 105: By the Time I Get to Venus: Señor 105 (when merely Señor 93) and the time traveling DJ Theo Possible travel back to the Venus of three billion years ago, a few relative years before the date and events of Paul Leonard’s Venusian Lullaby. There, 93 and Possible learn the art of the Venusian and train under Venusian aikido masters, with Mondasian Cyber(wo)man Litany Chromehurst, and a young First Doctor. During the training, Theo Possible, holding contempt for the Doctor and his people (a race of “trans-temporal aggressors”), beats the Doctor in combat, and leaves him with a limb that would require the use of a cane for the remainder of the incarnation’s life. The Doctor leaves Venus with a Venusian training stave (which would become one of his primary and favorite walking sticks). 

(Due to translation technology, Señor 105 only knows the Doctor as “El Jefe,” and Litany’s homeworld as “El Mundo.” Despite Bidmead’s use of the the title of the satirical deconstruction of the Doctor in the Iris Wildthyme story First Meetings, the “El Jefe” seen here is inarguably the Doctor proper.) 

“Significant Others,” A Target for Tommy: Prior to retiring from adventuring, Theo Possible begins to travel with Rose Tyler. Due to his trans-temporal nature, Possible is able to cross other dimensions and locked off timelines, and met Rose in Pete’s World. Feeling abandoned by the Tenth Doctor and now disgusted with the Metacrisis Doctor, Rose happily travels with Possible. The pair cross paths with the much older First Doctor in the Fourth Universe (on a planetary neighbor of Quinnis), realizing that their adventure was intertwined. While seemingly willing to let bygones be bygones, Theo is unable to get the Doctor to let go of old grudges, and the Time Lord totters off after telling Possible he “is not canonical!” 

Rose never learns the identity of the old man. 

“With All Awry,” Myth Makers: The Golden Years: After The Ancestor Cell, in an intermission before The Burning or a different temporal path entirely, the amnesic Eighth Doctor is given refuge from the universe in the Eleven Day Empire by the Faction. With his history damaged beyond repair, the Doctor is insubstantial and ghost-like, an echo. He shares his flat in the Empire with “Reg,” the equally insubstantial Ninth Doctor of Scream of the Shalka. The pair are looked after by Iris Wildthyme, at least at first. The few things that help the Eighth Doctor hold on to his existence are: a letter from Fitz Kreiner, explaining that the Faction are actually trying to help, and Fitz’s leather jacket, sent to the Doctor to ground him. 

However, a “large Northerner with close cropped hair” appears in the flat one day, using the Doctors’ remembrance tank bathtub to become real flesh and blood, seemingly with Iris’ help. The Eighth Doctor and “Reg” are evicted by the Faction, and before the ghostly pair can make it to the TARDIS, the “Northerner” steals Fitz’ leather jacket and the TARDIS. “Reg” abandons the Eighth Doctor and vanishes into the mists of the Empire. 

The final fate of this version of the Eighth Doctor is unknown. 

“Now or Thereabouts,” Faction Paradox: A Romance in Twelve Parts: After vanishing from the face of The Sarah Jane Adventures, Kelsey Hooper attempts to join Faction Paradox at eighteen years of age, wishing to gain the technology and means of destroying her ex-boyfriend Ryan (in truth a humanoid creature with a face of exploding glass). Now going by Ceol, she and a select group of young Siblings take part in Godfather Starch’s Apprentice-style media ritual. One of the many tasks Ceol is set to accomplish is to evict the Eighth Doctor and “Reg” from the Eleven Day Empire, and she witnesses the “Northerner” in the bath (as well as giving him a ride to the TARDIS). 

Ceol eventually becomes the victor of the media-ritual, gains a shadow weapon, and destroys Ryan. 

“Party Kill Accelerator!” The Panda Book of Horror: Calling herself Kelsey for simplicity, Cousin Ceol meets up with Theo Possible at the Zona Obscura Music Festival as part of a “cultural exchange.” She has an adventure with Iris Wildthyme and Panda after refusing to kill them at the request of the evil Jimmy the Mandrill. Before Kelsey departs, Theo Possible gives her his record box.

“Entirely Possible,” Webcomic: An unknown time between, before, after, or during all these stories, Theo Possible begins a new adventure. 

(This story is unfinished, but establishes that Possible’s primary time traveling is done on the Parallel Line, a literal railway through history and timelines (maintained and regulated by the Time Lords perhaps?). Theo’s compassion and pity for (what appear to be) survivors of the Anchoring of the Thread and time wars is made apparent.) 

“The Calamari-Men of Mare Cimmerium,” Iris Wildthyme of Mars- Iris Wildthyme and a Martian named Vardo discover Ares, the Greek god of war, drunk in a bar, locked away by Mars, the Roman god of war. The Roman god allied himself with the Calamari-men, whose Queen could produce an ink that could literally rewrite the pages of history. 

Faction Paradox: Weapons Grade Snake Oil: This story establishes the exsistence of Godfather Christèmas, the renegade Homeworlder the Hussar, brings the infamous Anne Bony into Faction lore, and gives us a wonderful new character in the form of the renegade timeship the Kraken. 

Several years after escaping the Faction, Cousin Ceol, now Sojourner Hooper-Agogô, led a rebellion against the company seen in The Sun Makers and became the president of PROTEC. The Faction drags her back into the mess (but certainly not without a fight). 

(This story established the concepts of “Oxbow Realities” (strongly implying NuWho is the end product of the Doctor’s protagonist syndrome) and “Elective Semantectomy.”)

“Grumpy Auld Men,” Battlefield by the Meadow: To the joy of absolutely nobody, Theo Possible and the Doctor cross paths again, the Doctor now in his twelfth incarnation. 

“Happily Ever After is a High-Risk Strategy,” Tales of the City: Now semi-retired from adventuring, Theo Possible goes to and fro through the universe lazily, and is capable of getting into the City of the Saved (despite not being human, and not being dead.) 

While in the City, Theo learns that Litany Chromehurst, the Mondasian Cyber(wo)man he trained with on Venus, was resurrected in the City. 

“A Hundred Words from a Civil War,” Faction Paradox: A Romance in Twelve Parts: Kelsey Hooper/Cousin Ceol/Sojourner Hooper-Agogô is resurrected in the City of the Saved with her cymbiont L-Event. 

[haribeaux]

Extract from the Faction Paradox novel ‘Weapons Grade Snake Oil’ by Blair Bidmead.