#We're taking over mother fucker

[isimpoveryou]

oscar piastri x reader

fc: avantika vandanapu

{𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓}

lovingf1wags

liked by y/nupdates and 4,729 others

lovingf1wags Y/N L/N today at the mean girls premire

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user01 SHE'S SO G0RGEOUS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?!?!(

user02 can oscar fight? like seriously?!

user03 mommy?!?!

user04 OSCAR YOU ONE DAMN LUCKY MOTHER FUCKER

user05 i know oscar is a rather private person but if i was him my whole damn instagram would be dedicated to y/n l/n

user06 SO REAL!??!

user07 NO CUZ I WOULD TOO IF I DATE THE Y/N L/N

yourinstagram ✔︎

liked by oscarpiastri and 789,920 others

yourinstagram mean girls premire 💞🎀🌸🐩💟👚🍨

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user01 SHE'S SO AGHSJSUDUUDD

user02 mommy?!

alexandrasaintmleux pretty girl 🫶🫶🫶

yourinstagram awww love you alex

user03 SHES SO PERFECT IN EVERY WAY

user04 LITERALLY?!? LIKE WHAT THE FUCK?! CAN OSCAR FIGHT?!

oscarpiastri 😍😍😍😍

yourinstagram 😘😘😘

user05 i cant believe we lost to a guy that vroom vrooms in circle for a living

lilymhe right?!?! its so unfair

alex_albon 🤨🤨🤨

yourinstagram LILYYY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

yourinstagram ✔︎

liked by oscarpiastri and 579,820 others

yourinstagram get in loser we're going shopping @mclaren

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user01 literally us : 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

user02 ANYTHING FOR Y/N

user03 MOMMY?!?!?

yourinstagram yes child?

user03 INXJIZJIAKWJSIIZSJSJSIS

user04 does that mean oscar is our daddy?

lilymhe lets drop both alex and oscar, date eachother instead

yourinstagram 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️

alex_albon @oscarpiastri are you seeing this?

oscarpiastri i pretend i didnt

mclaren our fav papaya girl 🧡🧡🧡

yourinstagram @landonorris TAKE THAT!

oscarpiastriupdates

liked by yourinstagram and 68,829 others

oscarpiastriupdates ya'll in y/n comments "can oscar fight" UH YES?! HE'S FUCKING JACKED?!?!

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user01 OSCAR?!?!?

user02 i wanna put bows there

oscarpiastriupdates me too girl me too

user03 DAYUM OSCAR 'JACKED' PIASTRI

user04 y/n or oscar correct answer wins

user05 both

user06 both

user07 BOAF

yourinstagram why wont these damn app swipe right?!?

oscarpiastriupdates OMG?!?!?! IM DREAMING!??!?!!

oscarpiastriupdates maam tell him to spill his work outs

yourinstagram ✔︎

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yourinstagram he certainly can fight

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user01 I CANT BELIEVE I LOST TO A WHITE BOY

oscarpiastri My pretty girl, I love you ❤️

yourinstagram Lover boy, I love you more ❤️

user02 someone please run me over with a car they're so cute 😭😭😭

user03 MY PARENTS

user04 after seeing THAT pict yeah this man can fight us all

user05 i mean he is OSCAR 'JACKED' PIASTRI

[pedge-page]

Joel Dealing with Preggo Wife: From Party of Two, to Family of Three

Sunday Surprise takes place right before this, but not necessary for this part

notes: you guys already know this is my favorite little crackhead family. While we've been enjoying Sarah's adventures out of order for a while, lot of people have been asking when we'll meet Ellie. Which I didn't feel it was right until we actually see Sarah's birth! So here she is. Please enjoy!

warnings: childbirth (not too graphic), a shit ton of language, comedy and fuff

- - - -

They say childbirth is a miracle. It's the single greatest, most amazing, most heavenly, life giving, breath of fresh air day of any parent’s life.

What they don't say (almost as if conveniently forgetting to even mention it) is that the moments leading up to the birth are the single most excruciating, marathon through the worst hell of a nightmare.

"YOUUU. YOUUUUUU MOTHER FUCKING--FUUCCKKEERRRR!!" The banshee (his wife, you) next to him in the car screeches directly into his ear, a death grip on his forearm.

He’s one handing these turns, blowing more red lights than he's ever yelled at Tommy for, while ready to lose his right hand to your talons and his hearing to your incessant wails.

"fuck YOU!OOOOWWAHAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

You squeeze your eyes shut, head crouched down while another wave of contractions splinters your insides apart. Every muscle known and unknown in your body is engaged. 

"We're almost there, you’re gonna make it--"

"YouFUCKINGfuckSTICkofaFuCkFuckshitheadfuckingbastard mothershitstainfrigginFUCK!"

You'd bash his head against his window repeatedly if your other hand wasn't already occupied cupping your rupturing belly.

Joel’s never been simultaneously in control and losing it inside all at once. He’s got one goal right now: get you to the hospital in one piece.

 That goes for driver safety but also to ensure the baby does NOT come out prior that because lord help him he would not know what comes next.

The truck screeches to a halt at the parking lot in 3 spaces. Joel tumbles out of the seat, missing a step and stumbling clumsily to his hands and knees on the pavement. He doesn’t even brush off the bruises and dirt as he’s running to you. You’ve nearly thrown him over again by how fast you swing the door open.

Both his sturdy, reliable, big hands are there for you when you take them, hoisting yourself with an agonizing yelp.

“You’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay, baby momma, you’re—“

“FUCK!!!!!”

You’re clutching your belly, now way lower than it ever has been. Each step feels like fire, with Joel cradling your back and trying to get you to the front door with quick steps.

“Baby! Baby now!” Joel shouts, pointing to you with wild and pleading eyes.

You let out a horrendous scream, stopping in your tracks. Your spine, your bones, your head, and especially your stomach, is all being hit by a truck right fucking now. And you’re crying, you’ve never cried like this. It’s not the fake shit he’s gotten so accustomed to when you want a cookie or milkshake or pussy eating. This is real.

They get you in a chair and wheel you off to the delivery unit, your hand squeezing the shit out of Joel’s but he’s never once let go. He’s gone so pale, running and running alongside you, trying to answer their questions about when it started, how long, what was due date, etc. 

He’s doing a million things at once, and you’re just fighting to stay alive.

Oh, you also would forget everything you were saying at this moment. But thankfully, Joel, and the entire fucking hospital, wouldn’t.

“YOU FUCKING, COCK—FUCKER—SHIT FUCKCUnt cunt CUNT! FUCK-OHM Y MOTHERFUCKING GOD FUCK.”

They manage to get you stripped to the papery gown, push your ass onto the bed, spread you wide so the doctor can take a look.

They’re all so calm, walking around and nodding, hooking you up like you’re just here for a checkup, like they’ve done this a thousand times before.

Joel feels the worst stabbing pain along his skull as your nails dig into his hair and yank him down to your face.

“MILLER,” you seethe, venom and sweat breaking through your clenched teeth and slitted eyes. 

“Y-yes?”

You force out harsh pants, groaning, but making sure he understands you clearly right fucking now. “Give me. A fucking. Epidural.”

“I-“

“NOW!!!!”

He looks around for some assistance. “Ep—is there an--”

“WHERES THE FUCKING EPIDURAL.”

Joel makes contact with the nurse, who checks below your legs again before resurfacing with the look Joel feared above all else. While you’re heaving and and moaning in pain, Joel receives the nonverbal confirmation she passes to him:

It’s too fucking late for an epidural.

Both Joel and the nurse also pass a clear, mutual understanding about how to pass that info on to you:

“ITS COMING!” He nods reassuringly to you, exceedingly over the top acting. “Right nurse? See she said it’s coming!”

“Any second now, we’ll get that epidural—“ she agrees, nodding and nodding with a thumbs up to you extra confidence.

“FUUUUCCCCKCKKKKKK,” you sink lower, back falling and head tossed as wave of new pain ripples through you.

“FUUCCKKING —Fuck J-Joel. Joel Miller—“

“yes baby, I’m here.”

“Im getting a fucking epidural.”

“Yes you fucking are.”

“You fuckers aren’t lying to me?”

Joel glances at the nurse again, who quickly shakes her head at you with her calm, straightforward, trusting voice of reason: “No ma’am we would never.”

Praise this woman, he thinks. “That’s right baby she’s telling ya, its coming—“

“I’ll FUCKING kill you, Joel Miller. Do you know that?”

“Yes-“

“I fucking HATE you right now.”

“Yes—“

“You shit—fuck bag motherfucker, I HATE you—you—you—“ and you start sobbing “—did this to me!”

“I did—“

“YOU!”

“ME.”

Back again to an angered, snarling beast, you growl, “I’ll rip your fucking cock off. I’m fucking you up so fucking bad when we get home, you can never FUCKIN’ do this fucking shit to me again. Balls in the fucking blender.”

“Balls in the blender,” he repeats with absolute conviction, not an ounce of protest in him.

“The FUCkING blender—you hear me fucker?”

“The fucking blender, for sure baby, anything you want right after this.”

“Ugh--oh dfuck Joel its coming!”

“Yeah?” He asks, and its the first time he hears his own voice waver. Holy fuck this is it. This is the moment for the last 9 months its actually here—

“Just another contraction,” the doctor confirms casually.

FUCK DOC HOW LONG DOES THIS TAKE I can’t feel my skull!

“CUNT SUCKER!” You scream, holding Joel’s head hostage as you chant through your breathing pants.

“Any where’s my MOTHERFUCKING epidural!”

“It’s coming! It’s coming!” Joel nods to his now best friend nurse, who’s also nodding dramatically to keep you distracted from the epidural that is absolutely not on its way.

“Miller,” you growl, shoving his nose right against yours. You stare into his very soul, like Death herself ripping his life choices out of his body and spilling them under your eyes. “I think that Bitch is lying to me. There’s no fucking epidural coming, is there.”

“There is, baby, she said it herself, I checked…”

“Are you fucking lying to me Miller?”

“Never baby, we’d never lie to you, right?” He gestures to the nurse again, who nods diligently again. “See baby, no lying, we’d never lie.”

He watches your jaw drop, voice disappear as another roar is ripped from your chest..

“I can’t do this.”

“You can, you can and will. I’ll give you anything you want, right after you do this.”

“I want you fucking DEAD.”

“Sure thing. Want a divorce too?”

“I’m CONSIDERING IT,” you bark a baritone lower like the devil. “FuuuUUUCCCKKKK!!!!!”

“I’ll get the papers printed right up. Favorite pen signed an’ all. But only after you have this baby tonight—“

The doctor checks the monitor again just as you let out a piercing scream. 

“Ma’am it’s time to push.”

“YOU PUSH!” You shout, waving your arm at him but unable to put a curse to the end of it. Your pains are coming through quicker, no longer waves but an unyielding rumbling as the baby kicks and punches and squirms and—

Joel is by your side, taking your hand in his. He’s prepped this speech in his head a million times, every night, every time he felt that baby kick or watched you struggle to tie your shoes, every single second, he’s perfected it:

“It’s here. Its happening. You’re gonna do this, we’re gonna do this together, you and me, right now—“

“Nope.”

“We—what?”

Your voice is calm and face plain. “Changed my mind. Not having this baby.”

“Yes you for fucking sure are.”

“Nope no. I’m returning it. Got the receipt.”

“There—there IS NO RECEIPT.”

“Yes—I got it—90 day warranty—“ your face tightens, clenching out the last word as if you’re mentally willing this baby to not pop out right now. But by god this baby is not taking your bullshit any longer.

“We are way past the 90 day warranty, honey, you’re having this baby, TODAY, Right NOW!”

“Nope, nope I’m gonna suck it back in!” 

It seems all ability to ‘suck it back in’ has failed, as the nurse shouts clearly “I see a head!”

Your voice breaks in the most heart wrenching “I CAN’T—“ you sob, terror in your voice.

You scream again, and it’s the worst thing Joel’s ever heard. He feels like a kid again, for the first time in a long while, when his parents fought, and the sounds of their voices carried upstairs to his and Tommy’s bedroom. He wanted to run, hide in the closet, cover his ears, cradling himself and rock back and forth, shut his eyes and his mind out, drain everything away. Instead, he held Tommy, he watched Tommy, he calmed Tommy. He bared the brunt of it, and the fear, he learned to control it.

The control is gone. He’s fearing again. And it’s not his parents having an argument over watermelon seeds, but his wife experiencing the most unimaginable pain right now, and it’s because of him, it really is, just like you said. Worse than nails on a chalkboard, glass in his eyes, fire on his feet. He’s so scared, everything he had tried to train for, for you, for this moment, is collapsing before him, and he’s not gonna make it—

Every fiber in his body grips your hand more tightly than possible. “You can,” he says, sturdy yet trembling. He’s scared.

He’s always known what to do, what comes next, how to make your pain and sadness and tears go away. He’s perfected it, knowing what to get you or what to say to make it all better, but now?  He doesn’t know what comes next. Doesn’t know how to make it stop, help you through it, take your worries and griefs—you’re on your own and he’s just next to you, and its not enough, and he can’t help, and he doesn’t know what to do—He doesn’t know what to do-Hedoesntknowwhattodo!

“Hey.”

He feels a gentle hand on his shoulder; the nurse who’s holding all the pieces of his heart and sanity together. She looks at him, focused, locked in from the moment your wailing, miserable self was wheeled in here, and has been doing everything he can’t.

“We’re right there. I need you to ground her,” she says. “Can you do that?”

He nods, tightening his lips. He remembers your hand in his now, remembers where he is, in this moment, and its all the matters.

He’s here. And he wants—needs you to know he’s not going anywhere.

He calls your name. “It’s time, okay baby?” Steady. Reassuring. Level headed. Strong. Rock. Crutch. Love. Everything he’s good at. Everything you know him by. “I need you to push.”

You shake your head again, eyes squeezed shut and teeth clenching hard. But he nods, because he’s gonna do the nodding, and the yes’ing, and he’s gonna take everything that’s ever caused you wrong or pain or sadness away because it’s what he does.

It’s what makes him keep going.

“FUCK! MOTHER———MOTHERFUCKER!!!!AHHHHHHHHH!!”

“Keep going!” The nurse encourages. “Dad, you’re doing great, keep getting her to focus—“

“I’M NOT GETTING MY FUCKING EPIDURAL!!!!!!!!!!!!” You sob in finality, the truth seeping into your bones. “YOU FUCKING—MOTHERFUCKING CUNNT SHIT STICK LITTLE BI—“ 

“For Christ’s sake, SHUT THE FUCK UP!” The nurse howls, and the entire room goes silent, even you. Joel stares at her dumbfounded. 

‘“The baby. Is HERE,” she huffs definitively. 

“Now fucking—PUSH!”

 - 

Joel’s heart has stopped. 

He doesn’t know where it is, but he knows it’s no longer in his body. 

Its not until he hears the first, most beautifully devastating croak of an angelic cry that he’s felt his heartbeat resume again, and its being cradled gently by the nurse as she pulls the tiniest, wrinkliest, most precious thing on this planet from between your legs.

“Congratulations, mom and dad. A healthy, happy baby girl.”

There’s no way this little—thing—this… bean—can be a baby. It’s the size of both his hands together, and so incredibly delicate, my god, weighing almost nothing and yet the sheer weight of who she is has him nearly capsizing at this very moment.

She’s wrapped delicately in cloth, face and nostrils wiped of fluids before landing gracefully in your outstretched arms. And it’s like the cosmos has realigned in harmony.

No amount of sweat, tears, crazy hair and braised skin, torn clothing and achy muscles could possibly deter the absolute love bursting from your chest as you hold the tiny baby in your grasp. “Hi,” you whimper with a big smile, eyes floating in a shiny haze pf exhaustion and happiness, looking down upon her. “Hi baby girl.” you laugh, tears falling freely as you shake your head and hold her closer, as close as possible, reabsorbing her into your bare chest, and you feel it. Her skin on yours. You’ve carried her this entire time, and yet it’s like you’re feeling her for the first time in your life.

Joel curls next to you, his big palm splayed over top her whole body, touching her. And it’s the first time, the first time he’s felt his daughter. He had been separated by the membrane of your belly, anxiously, excitedly waiting all this time to meet her, and now she’s here. She’s here. Neither one of you can believe it.

Your little baby wiggles, cooing noise stuck in her throat as she settles from her cries. she’s so wrinkly, skin still absorbing all that fresh air, working color into those cheeks and hands, fingers and toes. Her eyes are too swollen, not yet ready to say hi to this world. But that’s okay. Because her mom and dad are still going to be right here when she wakes up, the first people who will introduce her to the world around her. Because she is their world.

“Joel,” you whisper softly. He hears you. He’s here. He hasn’t left your side once. You know he’s here, you’re grateful. He’s here. He loves you. 

“Joel,” you hum again. “She’s beautiful.”

You tremble against him. Shaken from love and joy, more than your entire achy body can contain as you bring her little head to your lips and press the most fulfilling kiss to her.

Joel cups her little head. He wants to hold her, but he’s gotta wait. Fuck after all this time, he’s gotta wait. And it’s enough. He can handle it because he’s so fucking overwhelmed that she’s finally here.

“She’s the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever seen,” he rasps into your hair, kissing you tenderly.

Joel steps outside the room, softly closing the door behind him. He watches from the glass window pane, with you perfectly framed in the center as its only subject. Just the way he’s seen the world every day since he met you. 

Only this time, you hold another part of you, and him, in your arms.  The two of you, together. Like the only things that will ever matter to him.

And suddenly, Joel lets himself feel it all.

He clutches his mouth with the entirety of his palm, his yelp buzzing in his hoarse throat. He feels his knees give way, tumbling to the ground, one hand holding the wall while the other grips his face to keep the cries at bay. And he cries. He cries harder than he’s ever cried, and they’re wonderful. They hurt like kisses, burn like candy, ache like love. 

He wants to go back in there.

Quickly wiping his face clean, he stands up, straightening himself.

“Hey.”

The nurse who had delivered his baby stands next to him.

“She did fantastic. You both did.”

Joel tries to clear his throat, but his face is so obviously still red, swollen and barely holding it together. She doesn’t question nor judge the tough guy facade, yet completely speaks to his soul, telling him everything he didn’t know he needed to hear. “She’s 7 pounds, 2 ounces. Ten fingers and toes. Brown eyes. Hearing is great, so is—“

“Thank you,” he interrupts.

She goes quiet but offers a gentle smile. 

As he stares at her, the literal saint that got you and his baby through this, from point A to B, he realizes  nothing is coming to his head.

“I’m sorry, I … I don’t even know your name.”

She laughs. “I would not expect you to. You had way more to worry about.”

“Well, I just … really, really wanted to say…. Thank you…”

“Sarah,” she responds.

“Sarah,” he repeats. He repeats it over and over again in his mind, as if its going to stick, and he doesn’t quite know why yet.

“I’ll give you two—three, some time together,” she says, gathering the checkerboard hanging by the wall. “Then I’ll be back to help get her ready to take home, and let your wife sleep some more.”

He nods, looking down then back up, just as she’s patting his shoulder reassuringly and turning away to attend her other duties.

-

When he steps back inside, you look up to him. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he whispers back. Now that the dust has settled, he can finally see just how exhausted you are. The absolute train wreck that has battered your body this last hour really settling in, and it makes his chest sore to see you like that. Your gown pulled halfway down to your ribcage, tousled hair sticking awkwardly to your forehead and back from all the dried sweat. And yet none of it, absolutely nothing, is getting in the way of that smile that hasn’t left your cheeks since the moment you heard her cry.

“She’s sleeping,” you hum, looking back down at your daughter, who’s coddled up in a wrap and little cap.

“You thinking about putting the baby down, getting some sleep too?”

“Never.”

He smirks, looking down at her again.

“You think about any names yet?” You ask, stroking over her little forehead.

The two of you had thought about it. A lot. You didn’t want it to be random, but you didn’t want it to be weird. It had to have meaning, but not so closely related to a family member that you’d always mess them up at thanksgiving. It had to remind you of someone strong, unique, purposeful but distant enough that she could to grow and make it her own. 

And this was a girl, after all, so it had to be someone that could put momma AND papa in their place whenever shit got too crazy. 

“I’ve got…one.”

-

Joel helps dress the baby from her swaddled blanket into clothes.

“They’re gonna be a little bit big at first—“ you say, giggling as the two of you realize that the smallest clothes in the world are still a little too baggy on your little—so fucking little—girl.

Joel doesn’t waver, helping put her bitty legs through the loose pant legs…

You see him wipe his lips quickly, swallowing a lump to clear his throat.

“Joel, are you crying?”

“No,” he rasps like a whimper. “M’just sweatin’ through my eyes.”

You let out a chuckle, and Joel tries to do the same, but then he looks down at his little angel again, who’s stretching herself out in the new cloth that’s practically a giant coat on her. Joel starts to tremble. “She’s so perfect,” he weeps, and the shine in his eyes are clear as day.

“Oh baby, it’s okay to cry! I’m gonna cry too—“ you bawl, and now the two of you cry over this little girl who’s just trying to figure out why this blanket is stuck to her.

Not a great first impression from mom and dad but she’ll just have to deal with it.

And just like that, the Miller family went from party of two, to family of three.

-

6 weeks later…

The baby monitor crackles to life, and Joel is already tossing the blanket aside before the baby utters her first cry. He’s already up, kissing your forehead with “I’ll get her," almost excitedly through the heavy lull of sleep. You barely get a noise out of your throat, already snoring away into the pillow. He’s exhausted too, but his feet carry him onward with droopy eyes as if on their own.

He’s still not happy about the pink paint color of her bedroom, but that hardly matters right now. Terribly dramatic cries echo from the crib ahead. He scoops his little bean—since that’s what she looks like all curly in her onesie—supporting her head carefully and tucking her into one elbow. 

He rocks her squirming, agitated body back and forth in one arm as he shakes the now warmed bottle in his other hand. Joel tries to get her screaming mouth to take the cap, but she shakes her head, avoiding him at all costs to her own detriment.

 "Oh you’re such a squiggly girly for daddy. I got ya bubbas right here, quick ya cryin’. You’re gonna wake up mommy." 

As if she understands how she wouldn’t want to cause YOU any problems, his baby stops crying and accepts the bottle between her lips. Once she finally has her snacking, she peacefully looks back up to him, studies him. 

"There she is.  Told ya." He grins, swaying back and forth as she stares back at him with those big beautiful brown eyes. You definitely got one of your wishes: Joel’s eyes. The rest of her, is yours.

He’s hypnotized, so in love with her he didn’t think it was possible to love something as much as you. He already knows he’s gonna get her the dog, the kitty, the pony, the car, credit card, dress, house, anything she points to really; he’s never going to be able to say no to those enchanting eyes.

All of her bitty fingers fist around Joel’s pointer, as if to anchor her, and she doesn't let go as she drinks safely.  

She’s only 10 pounds now, but he feels like Atlas, carrying the entire weight of the world all curled up in his arms right now. Ans he'd carry this weight forever if he could, would pump iron and concrete slabs and oceans just to stay in shape and keep his girl in his arms for eternity, never to tire.

“My babygirl,” he whispers with a grin, pursing his lips close to her. “My little baby Sarah.”

- - - -

taglist:

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow @wintersquirrel @fluffygoffpanda @picketniffler @bbyanarchist @jeewrites

[thebibliosphere]

Wait, is Jason in Gotham Knights body horror? Because it doesn't feel like his body even tho he's controlling it? (He died, he came back, it's not the same and never will be)

Or is it more analogous to puberty and feeling like you don't know anything about your body anymore?

Just having thoughts about that boy again

I think Jason in Gotham Knights is very much connected with his physical body. It's his biggest weapon, possibly more so than his guns, given his lasting connection to the Lazarus Pit and the power it gives him.

His backstory talks about building himself up to peak physical condition into the absolute unit he is now, and you can either see that as someone trying to reconnect with their physical self or someone vowing never to be small or weak again.

I tend to think of it as both. It's a reclamation of his physical form but also a transformation into something bigger and stronger that ensures he's the scariest, meanest-looking mother fucker in the room. Basically someone you can't underestimate as a threat.

(Try not to think too hard about the fact that he now largely resembles Bruce in stature, that he is now the group's heavy hitter, the most menacing and the most likely to strike fear into the heart of his opponents, and that Jason molded himself into the person he needed to be rescued by as a child. Don't do it. Do not. I am normal about this.)

But he obviously struggles with feeling present mentally sometimes.

You'll see him zoning out occasionally, touching the J-shaped scar on his face before violently shaking himself back into the present.

He has panic attacks while playing a dance video game with a coffin in it—a coffin his character becomes trapped in because he's not moving fast enough. (hello, trauma)

He's angry all the time and so relieved when Barbra expresses her own rage at something because, yes, finally, someone else is letting their emotions out instead of bottling it up (Dick).

His emails are littered with orders for self-help books, emails from his therapist moving his sessions around, and concerned messages from his friends (Roy comes to mind) saying if he needs to get out of Gotham, they'll make it happen.

Alfred holding him while he sobs over losing Bruce still breaks me every time. I have to pause the game and walk around my house until I feel normal again.

And then there's the cut scene where Dick asks, "Hey, remember that time we all [insert funny thing here]," and Jason admits, somewhat angrily, that no, he doesn't because Lazarus took entire swaths of memories from him and he hates how he can't connect with people the way he used to and he hates the way they all look at him (the way Dick is looking at him now) when he admits he doesn't remember something they clearly loved about the old him: the version of him who didn't have volatile mood swings or made people flinch when he did something as mundane as handle a kitchen knife -- the undead monster he came back as*.

The fact that Dick then contrives to recreate this memory so Jason can be included in a newer version of it -- while also giving him what is arguably a weapon -- fucks me up every time. Dick just yeets a kitchen knife at him, trusting that Jason will catch it, and then just steamrolls over Jason's rightful 'what the fuck' expression with "Hey, we're making food. Get dicing."

And Jason knows what they're all doing. He's aware of it, and he gets the teeniest, tiniest smile before smothering it out. Except he can't quite. He's still smiling as he chops the vegetables. And yes, they're all hopeless at cooking compared to him, and he knows he's going to end up taking over, but that's okay. Because this is for him. He gets to control it.

And that's how Jason gets to make a new memory, one where he is handed a weapon and gets to turn it into a genuine expression of nurturing and care.

Because he does care about them. He wouldn't conspire with Dick to bake Barbara's favorite childhood cookies if he didn't. He wouldn't try so hard to be gentle with Tim triggering the shit out of him while he's struggling with his grief. He just doesn't always know how to express it because he doesn't always know what he's feeling.

Is his anger valid? Or is this Lazarus Pit Rage? Is he being overly sensitive because of his trauma, or is everyone else underreacting because of their trauma? (Should he sign them all up for therapy, quite probably, yes.)

So, you could perhaps argue that Jason experiences body horror in the sense that he doesn't remember all the pieces of who he used to be. (Speaking as someone with severe memory loss from medical trauma, it's certainly a type of horror.) But I don't think it's because he's detached from it physically or doesn't feel in control of his body. I think it's his mind that worries him.

His body he can control. It's his mind that still sparks green sometimes.

---

*Re the scene with Tim when Tim calls the Talons monsters. "What about me? Do you think I'm a monster?"

No, they don't.

But Jason does. And it scares him shitless.

[threepandas]

Bad End: Eve

You know how most Otome games are vaguely historical? Usually some non-specific mishmash of European countries? But fluffier and with more bows? It had once "gotten" to me, I think. I remember looking for outliers. Non-joke ones. Something that wasn't just "but this time with hats!"

I found one.

And now? Now I'm not sure if I curse that day or thank whatever force of nature lead me there. I guess... I guess it depends. Would I still have ended up HERE? If I had not found it? If so, then I genuinely and actually fucking rue it. Like... like actual "you'll rue the day! Bwahaha!" Type rue it. That's me. Ruing.

But? If it was always going to happen?

Then I guess...

I guess I'm weirdly glad. Because at least I have some fucking idea of what's going ON. Terrible, as it all is. Fucked, as the situation is. At least I'm not... not confused. Blind and at the mercy of those around me. Ignorance truely isn't bliss. All it does is leave you to try an fill in the blanks yourself. Usually with something far worse.

Not that the situation could GET much worse, by much.

I was in an Otome game. NOT a flower, high society, and dragons kind either. No. I? Was in a Dark Sci-Fi otome game. "Fate of man" was thrown around a lot. Power of luuuuv~ and such. Also, you know, HORRIFIC ethical violations. Human experimentation. Cataclysmic events and humanity "starting over".

All the high drama sci-fi concepts you could expect. It was a romp. Had good art. I'd had fun! Which is why I remember it so clearly.

Less fun when you're IN IT.

When you AREN'T one of the characters you KNOW will survive.

In fact, are one of the characters you know WON'T fucking survive. And will probably die MESSY. Horribly. Cause see, our BELOVED Harem collecting Protagonist? She? Was AN Eve. "AN".

Take a wild fucking guess what THAT project is about.

Did you say "breeding a better race of humans"? Ding ding ding! With humanity currently fucked, they want to FIX the problem by FIXING humanity. And of course, fuck ethics! Volunteers? Why use those?! Let's horrifically mad scientist our way to atrocity-ville! Make it all the more "God rightfully punishing us for our unforgivable sins" when we get wiped out!

Fffffffuck YOU, plot! I have to live here too!

You may, in fact, be picking up a slight note of stir crazy. A "wow, this lady rambles like a mother fucker" vibe. You would TOO, if you were stuck in a FUCKING TUBE. All I can do, day in and day out? Is wake, think, observe, then go right back to sleep. I can't even eat! I got a TUBE for that!

I... I miss showers.

Everything is GOO.

I'm an Eve. And if it weren't for the air tube controlng my breathing? I'd laughing hysterically until I died. And no, not in the "oh how funny" way. God. Oh... oh god. What a way to die. NONE of the Eves survive "the program".

Those IDIOTS are so OBSESSED with making bigger and bigger, better and better, FUCKING JUGGERNAUTS? That the Adams? Have long since reached the point of "mindless killing machine". UNSTABLE is putting it lightly. There is sexual dimorphism and then there's literal incompatibility.

But GOD FORBID the scientists admit that THEY are the ones with the inferior product.

It... it was even part of the game's plot. The scientist who made "Eve" HID her while HE made an Adam. I do not have that luxury. Somewhere, there is an unstable BESERKER being told I'm his "wife". That we're going to be HAPPY together. That he'll get to put his bruising, blood soaked hands anywhere he WANTS... just after he WINS me from the other Adam's.

Got to prove HE'S the best specimen, after all.

It makes my skin crawl. All I can hope, is that I can either provoke the bastard enough to kill me before they have a chance to stop him, or? I use my own enhanced strength to snap my neck. Maybe bite my tounge. Like HELL am I letting an Adam get near me.

The hiss of laboratory doors.

"Perfection at last..." Comes a relieved sigh. "All those HIDEOUS specimens. Why they make me suffer them, I'll never understand. We should have terminated them months ago. My poor project, they really think they're WORTHY of you..."

There's a derisive laugh. The scientist strolling into the lab I've been developing in, familiar. I watch him casually shrug off his lab coat and dump is bag. Hang his coat over the back of his chair. Turn, as he does each day, to STARE up at me. His eyes are a pale, pale purple the likes of which I've never seen before.

They're HAUNTING.

There is almost a red tint to them, though maybe that's the lights. The goo. I can never tell. He always looks ENTRANCED by me. Floating, visored, connected to far too many tubes an' wires. I'd think it was the fact that I was naked if it weren't for the way his gaze doesn't seem to drift lower then my shoulders. Seems more entranced by the way my hair moves, as though under water.

I've never once heard him talk about me lustfully.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't SCARE me.

"Let's begin, shall we? Time for your daily doses, mmm?" He says, voice dangerously affectionate. As though i had CHOSEN to do this to myself. As though he were merely reminding me of my morning medicine and not the hell ahout to come. "Going to be good for me? I know you shall, you always are."

He turned back to his desk, his computer. A few keystrokes... and I could feel the pod above me begin to hum, as it awoke. Oh god. Oh god it never got easier. From the corner of my eyes, bright chemicals slide down thind lines and into my veins. Like lines of lava. Bolts of electricity and pain. It was... AGONY.

My muscles seized. Brain screeched, first to the screaming I wish I could make... then static. With the long practice of daily pain, it took me far away. The click, click, click of keys. The sound of his voice, so terribly PLEASED, as I hung there and just TOOK it. No restraints, no strugging, no damaging myself. Just unbearable fire in my veins and a brain far, far away.

"Good girl~"

Distantly a phone rang. He made an annoyed sound, but picked up regardless.

"What. I'm in the middle of- ...Excuse me? I'm quite sure I did not hear you correctly. I said 'NO'. She's not-....I will NOT BE-...What. Are you out of your god damned MIND? That pile of scraps you call a project is coming NOWHERE near my-! ....you think you're clever, don't you?"

"Fine. You want to TALK? Let's TALK, Anderson. I'll be there in five."

From far away, past the pain, I watched him chance down at something at the screen. Back up to me. He hung up the phone but did not pause the program. Instead, calmly rising from his desk. Shrugging on his lab coat. Rounding the desk and striding towards my bio-tube.

"Hmmm, honestly, it should have been spaced out over a few more days... but you can take it. Endure a bit longer for me, would you, darling? Daddy's going to go deal with something for just a moment, he'll be right back, my perfect girl. Be good."

He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to my tank. One hand splayed next to it like he badly wished he could touch. Could stroke skin. Hold his creation close. It was not the first time he had done this. Small, covetous, little actions like he wanted to crawl inside my skin and STAY there. Like he cursed the glass that separated us.

He pulled back. Shifted to the side and kneeled. He... had hidden something behind my bio-pod? When? Apparently before I had become aware. Because I had not known about it. A black shoe box. I watched him open i-GUN. Thaaaat was a gun! Fuck. Well at least? By the time anyone thinks to look in on me? The overdose will probably have killed me?

There is a cold, terrible smile on his face as he rolls to his face. Tucking the gun into an inner pocket. It has a silencer. He leans forward one last time. Lightly kissing the glass of my pod, as though heading off to work and not to very obviously kill somebody. The pain continues. Builds. I watch him leave.

With nothing to anchor myself on... time blurs.

I think? There are alarms? Red lights flash. Then they stop. There is shouting at one point. But then silence. An explosion? Or am I hallucinating? Pain. My nerves are on fire. I don't want to have SKIN. Please... please make it STOP! Calm foot steps? Come to kill me? Please come to kill me. Make it STOP.

The lights died a... time? Ago? Emergency lights on now. Generators in the room are loud. Why can I still hear the feet? Footses? Words. H..hurts. please.

Click.

The pain eases to a stop. Aching but nothing new. Over? Oh, thank god. I can sleep now, right? But... sound? New. At my feet. Gurgling. Wha-? The very top of my head feels cold. Then my forehead. Then my temple's and ears, cheeks, jaw... wait. Is? Is the tube...DRAINING? I open my eyes.

When did I close them?

He's back.

Standing right in front of the tube. Blood staining the hem of his coat, lingering marks of his massacre cleaned but not quite scrubbed from his body. There are little off red stains on his cheek, from what must be blood splatter. They look like tiny freckles.

I'm... I can't...

I reach as the tube down my throat is pulled almost carelessly away by the machine. Choke, suffocate, as the same is done for my air tube. But then it's done... and I can BREATHE under my own power. Gasp and splutter, as the goo sloshes around my knees. Then it's gone. And the tube I've been leaning my weight against is roughly pulled away.

I collapse forward, my muscles having never actually supported me in this life.

Arms catch me. Wrapping me in a possessive hug. A hand immediately burying itself in long uncut hair, even as the other wraps itself around my torso to lean me against his body in a cradle. My face is pressed to his neck by the hand in my hair, cradling my head and neck. I can feel breath against the goo wet crown of my head.

"Finally~" he breaths out, whispering it against me like a sigh. "My beautiful, perfect girl. My darling creation. It took so LONG. Those retrobates interfering at every turn, lusting after you like ANIMALS, trying to keep you from me. Then, worst of all, trying to toss you to some pack of savages? Oh, darling~ Daddy's been so worried for you."

"But we'll be okay now, won't we? I finally have you. All fresh and finally finished. My perfect Eve. You can pick any name you want, of course. You and I will be leaving this ugly little place. Daddy has PLANS. A fresh new world, just for you, sweetheart."

He laughed, his hug tightening in a way that would have left bruises had I been a normal human. Kisses were pressed to my temple. A cheek, rubbed against my hair. He seemed... seemed GIDDY with it. That nothing could stop him now. There was no glass in his way. I could not move yet. My muscles twitched when I tried, but that was it. I wasn't even sure I could talk yet, if I tried.

"Aaah~♡ Welcome to the World, Darling. My Perfection. My Eve. This time no snakes or Adams to tarnish you. To get in your way. Just you and your Father~"

"FOREVER~♡"

Next: ->

[kpop---scenarios]

Whiplash (6)

Pairing: Felix x Reader x Hyunjin

Genre: Street Racing, Gang, Friends to Lovers

Warnings: Sexually Suggestive Things, Language, Jealousy, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 4.2k

Taglist: @sheala--marie @kayleefriedchicken @chartrucewhore @cookiesnmilfx @thicccurls @aznstoner @velvetmoonlght

One | Two | Three | Four | Five |

“You're fucking psycho if you think I'll ever be back in this house again.” You spit. “Who are you? The San I knew would never have done this! Never would have drugged me!” You scream.

Felix and Hyunjin stare at you like they have just seen a ghost.

“I-I never drugged you!” He stuttered. “Are you sure your brain is working?” He laughs.

“There's no way I'd sleep for 12+ hours without you slipping something into my water. I knew it tasted funny!” You yell.

“You mother fucker!” Felix yells, lunging for San. Hyunjin grabs onto him, holding him back. He knows it won't do anyone any good for them to fight, especially you. As angry as he was right now, he knew he needed to do what was best for you and Felix getting into a fight with San would surely not be good for your recovery.

“If I see you out, you better watch your fucking back. I'm sick of you and your shit with Y/N. I swear to god if you touch her again ill fucking kill you.” Felix screams as Hyunjin pulls him outside, with you following closely behind.

Felix pulls himself out of Hyunjin’s grip, walking a little down the short walkway, taking deep breaths to try and calm down.

“I'm sorry.” you whisper. Felix turns around, he looks confused. Hyunjin stares at you in disbelief.

“Sorry for what?” Felix asks, walking closer to you.

“for everything. For believing San over you guys, for coming here, for just everything that I put you through the last little bit.” You cry.

“Listen to me.” Hyunjin starts. “You didn't put us through anything. HE put you and us through hell for his own sick enjoyment.” Hyunjin tells you. You can hear it in his voice how angry and upset he is at the moment.

“Never apologize for this. This wasn't you at all.” Felix chimes in. “So don't feel guilty, don't be upset and don't ever think we're mad at you for any of this.” He finishes.

The three of you walk to the car, Felix opening the passenger door for you before climbing in the back while Hyunjin takes the driver's seat.

“Now.” He starts. “We can go to the house or your apartment, which one do you want?”

“My apartment please.” You breathe. “I begged San to take me there but he wouldn't. I just want to be home.” You say. Hyunjin smiles as he starts to drive in the direction of your place. They were so fucking happy that you had come back to them, but they couldn't help but wonder how long they would have you for before something went wrong, because in their life, something always went wrong.

“Ah, my bed!” You squeal as you lay down gently in your bed, making sure not to hit the still tender wound on the back of your head.

“Are you hungry? Thirsty? Is there anything we can get you? Do you want us to stay? Go?” Felix asks. He really hoped you would ask them to stay.

“Please stay. I don't wanna be without you guys.” You smile. “I know we're really just starting out this relationship and already so many things have happened..” you pause. “So if you want out, tell me now.” You finish, holding your breath.

They both look confused again.

“Out?” Hyunjin asks.

“Why would we want out?” Felix asks.

“Because. Like I said. So much has happened.” You mutter.

“I've waited years for you baby, I'm not going anywhere unless I'm 6 feet in the ground.” Felix says.

“Yeah, you wanna get rid of me love, you're gonna have to kill me.” Hyunjin winks.

How did you end up so fucking lucky? You usually weren't the one to have the happy ending but maybe now things are finally changing for you?

You get under the covers in your bed, patting either side for the boys. They crawl in with you, snuggling up to you. You can't help but fall asleep so quickly, feeling so safe and loved right now. Over the next week you spent almost all your time in bed with Felix and Hyunjin waiting on you hand and foot. By the end of the week you felt back at 10p% and you were so grateful for them. As the three of you went to bed that night, you had a plan for the next day and you hoped they would be on board.

**

You wake up in the morning, feeling refreshed and sweaty. You have Felix’s arm draped around you with Hyunjin’s leg pinning you down. Your head was kinda sore but not as bad as it had been. You were finally feeling more yourself but you knew you needed to take some advil or something to alleviate the soreness you were in. You felt normal again and you loved it.

“Felix.” you groan, poking up. “Hyunjin. Move. My head is sore. I need something.” You say. Both men shoot up in bed, scrambling out and each running in a different direction to find you something. Minutes later Felix comes back with medicine while Hyunjin appears with some water.

“Perfect.” You smile, taking the pills and water. “Thank you. But you know you really didn't need to rush. It's just a small headache.” You giggle.

Felix looks at his phone, then looks back at you. “The guys want to see you.. I guess Chan is really beating himself up about this.” He sighs. You crawl out of bed, looking for some clothes.

“Well let's go then.” You say, grabbing an outfit to change into.

An hour later you're sitting outside the house. “Are you sure you're up for it?” Hyunjin asks.

“Definitely.” You smile. You wanted your normal life back and you needed them to stop treating you like you were a fragile glass doll. You were more resilient than they knew. The three of you walk up to the door. When the door opened, there stood 6 men with smiles on their faces to greet you.

“I'm so glad you're back, Y/N. Once you're up for it I want a beer chugging rematch.” Han laughs, wrapping his arms around you.

“You wanna lose again?” You giggle, moving on to Changbin who squeezes you tightly.

Seungmin and Lee Know both give you a quick hug, murmuring something you didn't quite catch, while Jeongin pulls you in tightly as well. You walk over to Chan, who's standing a little ways back from the group, his head hangs low as you approach him.

“I should have told the cops it was San..Y/N I'm so sorry for this whole thing. It's my fault.. I should have..” he continues to say, but you cut him off.

“Chan, stop it. You couldn't have known how things were going to turn out. I was fine and then I wasn't but I'm okay now. And I hope you know I'm not mad at you and I don't hold any of your decisions against you.” You say. You open your arms, pulling the sad man into you. He wraps his arms around you tightly, sniffling into your shoulder.

“Alright, alright.” Felix says, pulling you away from Chan. “She needs to rest now, go on.” He says, shooing the man away.

“Lix, I'm fine.” You smile. He looks at you like he's going to melt.

“Lix, huh?” He grins. “I like it.”

“Do you?” You say, matching his grin. You lean in closer to him, your lips brushing against his ear. “My Lixxie.” You whisper.

“Oh baby.” He groans, his deep sultry voice coming out to play. “You're just asking for it, aren't you?”

You turn your head, smirking as you look at Hyunjin. “You think I'm asking for it Jin?” You wink. He chuckles as he walks towards the two of you. “Mhmm, Jin? I don't know.” He sighs.

“How about Jinnie?” You whisper.

“I could get used to that.” He grins.

You lean in, your lips so close to touching before Chan pipes up.

“ Sorry to interrupt boys but we've got business to take care of.” He says, looking at Hyunjin and Felix.

“A race?” You question, looking between the two men.

Hyunjin and Felix both glance at each other before Hyunjin sighs. “Yeah there's a race tonight. But we have some things to take care of beforehand.” He says, looking at Felix.

“Stay here. We'll be back as soon as we can, okay?” Felix smiles.

No. You didn't want to stay. You were better, you wanted to go.

“I'm coming.” You say. You flashback to the last time you went and what happened. But you couldn't be afraid forever.

Felix and Hyunjin knew that they couldn't control you and if you said you felt ready then you were ready. They just hated the fact that they couldn't protect you while they raced.

“Fine. But while we race you need to stay with Chan and Changbin, okay? San will likely be there.” Hyunjin sighs.

You nod your head, excited to be able to see them race again. You stayed at the house while they went out and did whatever they needed to do before the rave, when they were done they swung by the house and picked an excited you up and headed out.

The crowd was larger than you remembered. There were more people racing this time and the spot was a lot bigger. You felt sure that with this many people in this big of a place you wouldn't see San.

“Who's racing now?” You ask Felix as the two of you sit on the bed of someone's truck, watching the tires spin and burn while the flag drops and the cars peel off.

“That would be Got7 in the blue car, I think it's Jinyoung driving. And then it's Lucas from NCT in the yellow one.” Felix says, sliding his arm around your shoulder.

Hyunjin walks over to the two of you, hopping up onto the truck beside you, resting his hand on your thigh.

“We're up next. We race against whoever wins this one.” He says. You were nervous, you always felt nervous when they were racing. The chance that there was an accident was really high with how fast they go.

The three of you walked hand in hand towards their group, Got7 had won so they were racing against Jinyoung.

“Be safe.” You sigh, giving both of them a kiss. You link your arm with Chan's as you watch them both walk away. Your eyes scan the crowd, looking at all the people here who were watching, and your eyes landed on someone familiar.

San.

Your body tenses up so much that Chan notices. He looks where you were looking, your eyes locked in with San's.

“It's okay Y/N.” Chan says, rubbing your arm. “We're not going to let anything happen to you.” He smiles. Felix and Hyunjin peel off, the race starts. You knew San was going to be here but it still affected you and you really hadn't thought it would have.

A few minutes later you notice the rest of the guys standing in a half circle, talking to someone. Chan glances over and immediately a grin plastered across his face. “I'll be right back.” He says, pulling his arm from yours and walking over to the others. You stand there alone, peeking over to see a very beautiful girl that they were all talking to. You had no idea who she was but they were all clearly smitten with her. You looked through the crowd again, but didn't see San anymore. You started to calm down a little bit now, feeling like maybe he had left.

Until you feel someone grab your wrist and try to pull you. You look over, seeing San with your wrist in his hand, pulling you towards him.

“Come with me please.” San says, pulling a little harder.

“No. Let go of me.” You say, trying to yank your wrist from his grasp.

“Y/N stop, I just wanna talk.” He says. He starts walking towards the trees, dragging you with him. You turn your head.

“Chan!” You yell. He doesn't hear you. “Chan!” You scream a little louder. He puts up a finger, “just a second, Y/N.” He yells, not even turning around. You didn't have a second.

“I just want to explain!” San grunts. You're getting too close to the trees. Panic sets in. What did you do?

Scream. Scream Y/N.

You let out a loud, ear shattering scream. Chan and the rest of the guys all turn around, looking for you in horror. Chan sees you, San's hand covering your mouth as he drags you into the trees. He, Changbin and Lee Know run towards you, luckily grabbing you before San could get too deep. By the time they reach you, the race is over. Felix and Hyunjin had won, but instead of staying in the car to wait for the next race, they bolted towards the commotion they saw happening with you. They reach you just as Chan pulls you away from San.

“What the fuck is wrong with you!?” Chan yells.

“I just wanted to talk to her!” San yells, defending himself.

“You okay, baby?” Felix asks, giving you a once over.

“How did this happen?” Hyunjin yells. “I thought you were keeping an eye on her!?”

“I was! I was talking to Jennie.. just for a minute.” Chan says.

“I yelled for you! You told me just a second!” You breathe.

Chan hangs his head. “I'm sorry, Y/N. I really didn't think he would try anything.”

“Hyunjin, you go race, I'll stay with Y/N.” Felix says, wrapping his arm around you, taking you away from the group. He had never been more angry at his leader than he was at this moment. The two of you sit there, your head resting on Felix's shoulder. You watched Hyunjin in the car waiting for the race to start. He looks over at you, blowing you a kiss. You grin as you blow one back to him. Felix takes his finger, placing it under your chin, turning your face towards his. He smiles at you before leaning in, placing a tender kiss on your lips. You feel like you're going to melt with the way his lips feel on yours.

He breaks the kiss as he hears the crowd screaming, Hyunjin was racing San. You could feel your anxiety in the pit of your stomach. If San did anything or tried anything, you swore you would kill him.

Hyunjin takes off, you watch as he speeds off leaving San in the dust. You watch intensely where the cars come around the bend for the finish line. You were desperate to see Hyunjin come first. After minutes of waiting, you see him. San closely behind him. Hyunjin switches gears, The car takes off even faster, crossing the finish line well before San. The crowd erupts in cheers. You get off the truck, running towards Hyunjin. You push through the crowd of people and he grabs you, picking you up in a hug, spinning you around. He sets you down, kissing you passionately before the guys come over to celebrate.

“We're going to the club tonight!” Chan yells. ���Time to celebrate!” Everyone cheers. You turn around, seeing a defeated San walk towards his group. You almost felt bad for him. Almost.

**

Later that night, you were dressed and ready to head to the club. You were so excited to go and dance with your boys, drink, let loose and have a great time.

“Ready?” Felix asks as he walks into the room.

“Ready.” You smile, walking towards him. He lets out a whistle as he grabs your hand to twirl you around.

“Wow.” He gasps. “Hyunjin.” He yells. “Come here.”

Hyunjin walks into the room wearing a black dress shirt tucked into his black pants, same as Felix and they both looked so fucking good.

“Jesus.” Hyunjin grins. “So sexy.”

You can feel the blush creep across your face as you giggle at the compliments. “Let's go, you two.” You say, grabbing both their hands to drag them out of the room.

“You sure?” Felix asks as you tug him along. “We could just stay home? There's a few things I can think of to do.” He smirks.

“Yeah, it would be a lot more fun.” Hyunjin agrees.

“We're going to celebrate you two. Shush.” You giggle.

The club is packed. You walk in feeling the bass pound through the floors, the smell of sex and sweat fills the air. The three of you make your way to the bar, ordering a few different shots. This felt nice, being out. It felt normal which you loved. After some shots you three made your way to the dance floor. Hyunjin behind you, Felix in front. You hadn't drank in so long that it didn't take very long for the booze to kick in. You stuck out your ass, grinding it onto Hyunjins crotch while Felix was between your legs, his body pressed up against yours. The whole thing was extremely hot, and it made you even hornier than you were to begin with. the feeling of both their hands roaming your body, Hyunjin's breath on the back of your neck, Felix's breath on your ear. You'd let them fuck you right there.

After an hour of dancing, you excused yourself to the bathroom. You could feel your pussy was dripping wet for them and you couldn't wait to get home tonight. You come out of the bathroom, searching for Felix and Hyunjin. You look around and finally see them standing side by side talking to the same girl that had been at the races. You could see her laughing, throwing her head back as she touched both their arms. That pissed you off. You make your way to the bar, sitting on a stool, ordering a drink. You barely notice the man sitting beside you. The bartender sets a drink and a shot beside you. You grab the shot, turning around in your seat to watch your boyfriends with Jennie. You wondered how long it would take for them to notice you hadn't come back yet or if at all. Maybe they were so immersed in the conversation with Jennie they completely forgot they had a girlfriend. You take your shot, setting it down on the bar before grabbing your drink and turning back around again. You're sipping on your drink. And sipping. And sipping. Until you're done and they still haven't noticed. You turn around, ordering another shot and another drink, turning back again to watch them.

You take your shot and before you can turn to grab your drink, there's a man standing in front of you.

“Hello.” He smiles.

“Hi.” You say back staying straight faced.

“Are you here alone?” He asks.

“No.” You deadpan, looking around him to see Hyunjin and Felix.

“I'm talking to you.” He laughs, moving in front of your view.

“And I'm not interested.” You snap, looking up at him.

“Woah, calm down.” He laughs. “Let me buy you a drink?”

“I have a drink.” You sigh.

“Wanna dance?” He asks.

“No.” You say. “Go away please.”

“Ah, just come dance.” He laughs again, grabbing your wrist.

“Bro.” The guy next to you snaps. “She's not fucking interested. Move along.”

“Okay, bro. Is she your girlfriend?” The man asks.

“Doesn't matter if she is or not. She doesn't want to dance, she doesn't want a drink, move the fuck on.” He says, removing his hand from your wrist. The guy scoffs before leaving you alone finally.

“Thank you.” You say looking over at the man who helped you. You squint your eyes, looking a little closer. “Jinyoung?” You ask.

“Yeah?” He responds, looking at you funny.

“You were at the races.” You say. “You raced against Hyunjin and Felix.”

“Yeah I did. Oh! You're their girlfriend. That's right. I remember you.” He says.

“Thank you again for helping me. I appreciate it.” You smile.

“It's no problem. Where are those two anyways?” He asks.

You nod your head in their direction. They were still talking to Jennie and you were fucking annoyed.

“Ah.”

“I've been waiting to see how long it takes for them to notice I haven't come back from the bathroom. And this is embarrassing.” You sigh.

“That sucks. She's such a fucking cunt too.” He laughs. “She puts on a good show of being nice and flirty.”

“I don't want to be jealous. But I am. Cunt or not, they haven't even turned their heads to even peek for me. I'd love to make them jealous.” You laugh.

“Do you wanna dance?” Jinyoung asks. “I'm all for helping out.”

You grin at him as you nod your head. Maybe they won't forget about you to flirt with someone else next time. Jinyoung grabs your hand, pulling you towards the dance floor as you quickly chug your drink. He pulls you past Felix and Hyunjin, you turn your drunk head to smile at them, sticking your tongue out as you get to the front of the dance floor with Jinyoung. In their line of vision perfectly. He places his hands on your waist as you dance with him, moving your hips seductively. You can see the instant anger plastered across both their faces. You weren't sure if it was because you were dancing with another man, or because that man was Jinyoung. You continue to dance, giggling as you stick up your middle finger to them both, making them both slightly laugh. They walk away from Jennie, who turns to watch them, looking offended that they just left in the middle of a conversation.

“Y/N.” Felix says, using his deep voice.

“What?” You ask, still dancing.

“What are you doing?” He asks.

“Dancing.”

“Why are you dancing with another man?” Hyunjin asks.

“Why are you two flirting with Jennie?” You ask, now glaring at them both. “I've been out of the bathroom for 45 minutes, watching you two, neither of you wondered where I was?” You scoff.

“Baby..” Felix starts.

“Don't baby me.” You scoff. “Jinyoung here saved me when some creepy man was trying to force me to dance with him. Where were you two?” You slur.

You turn around facing Jinyoung who had been silent the whole time you'd been talking to them. You keep dancing, only for a second before Hyunjin pulls you away from Jinyoung. You turn to look at him, mouthing a ‘thank you’ as you giggle at the angry men guiding you away. He just laughs.

“I don't need help.” You say, pulling your hands away from them.

“I didn't like that.” Felix says as the three of you get outside. “Seeing you with him.”

“I could have beat the shit out of him.” Hyunjin says.

You say nothing, you just keep walking, both men behind you. You can hear them whispering but you can't hear what they're whispering about. Until you're grabbed, and dragged into an alley. You're pinned against the wall as an angry Hyunjin and Felix stare at you.

“Did you like it?” Hyunjin asks. “the feeling of his hands all over your body.”

“Did you feel his cock on your ass as you grinded with him?” Felix asks.

“Yes and yes.” You say, smirking. You wanted to rile them up. You loved it when they were jealous. You push them out of the way, continuing to stumble your way back to the house. You looked down and then back up, and Felix stood in front of you. He swiftly picks you up, throwing you over his shoulder. He walks the opposite way you were and sets you down inside a car.

You had forgotten they drove here. Felix slides in the backseat with you. You lay on your back, propping yourself up with your elbows as Felix lays semi on top of you. Hyunjin races to the house.

“I don't ever want to see another guy's hands on you ever again.” He whispers in your ear. Hyunjin pulls up to the house in record time, helping you out of the car as Felix gets out on the other side. Hyunjin pins you against the car.

“You're gonna be in big trouble if you ever do that again.” He says, placing kisses down your neck.

“Am I not in trouble now?” You gasp.

“Oh you are.” Felix smirks.

“Well so are you guys.” You say, walking towards the house.

Once you're inside, Felix slams the front door shut. The house is quiet. Everyone else is still out. You slide off your shoes, walking towards the kitchen. Felix grabs you, turning you around, pressing you against the wall. He smashes his lips to yours, kissing you harshly as he pulls up your dress. Hyunjin comes over to the two of you, peppering kisses over your neck as Felix pulls down your panties.

“After tonight, you're not going to want any other man to touch you.” Felix grunts.

This is what you had desperate been waiting for, and you couldn't fucking wait.

[toxictigertonic]

Can the Toxic Family Trio go to Disneyland? 🥺

They're going to kill each other and we're all going to point and laugh.

COYLE

- Starting out strong, he is the reason they're going to be late to Disneyland. He wanted to be out of the facility at 8 am sharp and he woke up at 9.

- Was in charge of buying the lightning lane passes. Forgot. Franco was ready to kill him over it but Gooseberry remembered.

- He REFUSES to pay for more than one food item. He is not going broke for a sandwich just bc a fuckin mouse is selling it to him.

- There is a single exception to this rule, and it's pistachio cold brew. He'd buy 7 and drink them throughout the day. He cannot resist the pistachio.

- He's having fun on the rides but if you ask him about it he just gets grouchy as hell. God forbid this grown man have fun.

- He forced pusher to come along to push their little buggy with all their shit in it. Pusher is being paid in coke by Gooseberry for their help.

- His feet hurt like a bitch by the end but he won't say it, he just limps and moans and groans. He won't ask to sit down either bc he's a big strong man and "men don't need to sit down", whatever that means.

- If anybody even LOOKS at one of the gift shops he's throwing a fit. He doesn't care if it's their money to spend, you're not wasting money like that!!

- Just because he's the law doesn't mean he's not gonna break Disneyland rules. He's going to make someone break character, and he's going to get them in trouble for it.

MOTHER GOOSEBERRY

- Woke up bright and early and got everything together for the trip. Had no help from anybody. Eternally seething.

- Wants to take photos with every character, ESPECIALLY the princesses. She's imagining herself as one, pretty dress and all. She's no princess but she is a queen ❤️

- Giftshop enthusiast, wants to look at and touch everything. Will she actually buy anything? Not if she wants Futterman to stay quiet.

- Futterman would shout a curse word in the middle of a crowded area and Phyllis would tape his beak shut for the rest of the day.

- Futterman also refuses to pay the prices for food and drink. Eats a kids ice cream cone and makes the kid cry.

- Futterman would also HATE Donald Duck. Genuinely. Feels like he's the only fowl allowed around here. Would try to snap at whoever is in the Donald Duck outfit.

- Loves all the rides, but especially "It's a Small World". Phyllis is singing along while being periodically interrupted by Futterman screaming for mercy.

- Planned matching outfits for everyone to wear, including Futterman! Futterman does not willingly wear his mouse ears but superglue solves all problems.

- If Coyle and Franco act up too much, she spends the money on Mickey Mouse harness backpacks and puts those fuckers on leashes.

- Hidden Mickey finder right here, she will find them all and you will not have a chance to even look for them.

FRANCO

- Harasses the princesses. Phyllis is going to beat him senseless in a second if he doesn't behave. She spent too much time planning to get kicked out over him.

- Also harasses the mascots but more to the effect of trying to steal their heads. He's a damn menace.

- He got ice cream all over his shirt 10 minutes into being there. Pissed he spilled his milkshake. Coyle is talking mad shit to him about it too.

- Demands a balloon and a cute pair of mouse ears, throws the worst tantrum ever if he doesn't get either. Scream cries if he accidentally lets go of the balloon.

- Steals a child's balloon if he is not allowed to buy one. Would honestly steal just about anything he could get his hands on. Why pay when he can just take?

- Tried to cut in line and got dragged back by Coyle. Coyle might be a jackass but even he understands the importance of waiting your turn in line.

- Yet again, not allowed to have Lupara with him. Resorts to having his pacifier in his mouth the whole time for comfort. Please stop taking Lupara it makes him anxious.

- Speaking of his pacifier, Gooseberry was nice enough to buy him one with Mickey Mouse on it for the trip. It makes him feel special :)

- His feet got tired so he got into the cart that Pusher has been pushing around. Pusher hates him so much and has considered dumping him into a fountain more than once.

I have never been to Disneyland but I do have Google so I think I know what I'm talking about

[mirrorball-leclerc]

paint the town red - part three

FERRARI IS BACK BABY!

series masterlist

peter parker added 8 people

peter parker anyone have oscar piastri's number? this is for research. ALSO, CAN WE BRING BACK THE BLACK FIRE PROOFS??

carlos sainz you're a strange child.

harley keener that's what i've been saying since we met.

bianca stark-potts peter, let it go.

tony stark i don't know if it's still a joke or if you're being serious about it.

peter parker it isn't for me, it's for ned.

bianca stark-potts BULLSHIT!!

peter parker i'm in love with him, mj understands (i think)

arthur leclerc i too am in love with oscar piastri, we kissed one time. charles leclerc it was for a video, and you didn't actually kiss. arthur leclerc but i wanted too.

peter parker but think about it, i get oscar to fall madly in love with me, i take the competition out at the same time.

carlos sainz you think oscar is the only competition we have?

peter parker well no, i can send the avengers after the rest. like what’s max verstappen gonna do against black widow? or lewis hamilton against bucky barnes?

ollie bearman right i forget you people know the avengers

tony stark i am the avengers

arthur leclerc no, you’re iron man. the avengers are the entire team.

peter parker realistically speaking the only one able to take an avenger on would be toto, and i think he could only take on rocket or groot.

arthur leclerc the fucking raccoon?

peter parker he gets defensive when you call him a raccoon.

bianca stark-potts right, who gave him coffee? he only brings this type of shit up when he's had sugar.

charles leclerc it was an accident…i did not know he would get like this. and he made those eyes!

tony stark he does that a lot.

arthur leclerc one could say it was an inchident?

charles leclerc ARTHUR I SWEAR I'M GOING TO KILL YOU harley keener THIS IS GOLD!! I'VE HIT THE GOLD MINE!! ARTHUR LECLERC YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE NOW!!

harley keener fucking snitch, parker

bianca stark-potts peter had coffee, well if what charles drinks is even coffee. it's pure sugar.

harley keener facts.

natasha romanoff again, aren't you people supposed to be working?

harley keener considering seb and tony are busy scolding peter and charles for the coffee thing, we're good for now. also, carlos left to pick up our lunch it was his turn today.

steve rogers peter drank coffee? i thought that was banned at the paddock??

bianca stark-potts it was, but charles wasn't here the day of the wall-climbing incident. therefore he didn’t know what would happen

bucky barnes did he not know peter was spider-man?

harley keener he did because we told him, carlos, and seb first. however, we never went over the rules

sam wilson i guess it’s time to break out the peter parker handbook again

tony stark aren't you two supposed to be working? focusing on the upcoming race?

bianca stark-potts i'm trying to mass send the peter parker handbook to everyone.

harley keener i'm currently watching old C2 videos.

sam wilson lord help all the fans who are counting on you two idiots to deliver a decent car

bianca stark-potts WE BUILT A FUCKING ROCKET SHIP SAMUEL!

BAHRAIN 2024

scuderiaferrari CHARLES LECLERC P1! CARLOS SAINZ P2! IT'S A FERRARI 1-2 IN BAHRAIN MOTHER FUCKERS!! THAT'S HOW YOU KICK OFF A SEASON!! CONGRATS TO SIR LEWIS HAMILTON FOR HIS P3!!

tagged: charles_leclerc, carlossainz55, lewishamilton

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username NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?

↳ username NEVER GIVE UP!!

username I CAN FORZA FERRARI SEMPRE AGAIN BITCHES!!

harleykeener LET'S FUCKING GO!!

↳ samwilson i never doubted you guys for a second

↳ biancastark_potts lies. slander. you said we couldn't do it.

username IS THIS WHAT RED BULL FANS FELT AFTER EVERY WIN??

↳ username you guys got luck max had a breaking issue. he ended up in 4th but next week is our week.

↳ username as a longtime tifosi, i've heard that one before

↳ username however, wishing you guys the best of luck next week.

biancastark_potts and harleykeener posted new stories

ferrari 1-2 here in bahrain! ferrari is back baby!

the only way to kick off a season is with a 1-2!

SAUDI ARABIA 2024

taglist: @celesteblack08 @be-your-coffee-pot @evans-dejong @elliegrey2803 @bingewatche @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @lorarri @melanier7 @ironspdy @mypage-myfandoms @vellicora @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @enchantedthoughts @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @fulla02 @cowboylikemets1989 @six-call @embrosegraves @justtprachisblog

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! this is what i wish the 2024 season would look like for ferrari but who knows if we'll ever get that. on the brightside only two more races left with the sf-23 and then we can finally throw that shitbox in the trash can, where it belongs. (note: the drivers on the top tweet are as follows: lando, esteban, max, and george.)

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[girl-dot-tzt]

Alright results are in, I'm not allowed to finish for 36 days 🙃

Im going to update this as a lil diary to keep me honest💃

Day 1: I'm feeling pretty good, I notice I get really horny when I take my prog the ✨️fun way✨️ so I'm going to use that method to increase the challenge this month. I'm thinking of meeting a friend tomorrow so I'm excited!

Day 2: more of the same, pretty standard, had a great time with said friend. Getting a teeny but pent up but nothing crazy yet.

Day 3: getting more pent up but it's still manageable, made the mistake of reading a ton of horny posts and getting myself really horny. Thankfully I calmed down and now I'm good to go

Day 4: went to work, did some bike wrenching, now im boutta sleep. pretty uneventful but I'm meeting a good friend of mine tomorrow so I plan on making up for the lack of horny twofold. I need to get some Oregonian mutuals bc I'd like to bite someone :3

Day 5: got my tits fondled for like 3 hours while I watched anime and got insanely high, I need like 4 people to hold me down and grope/tease/fuck me... preferably all at once. I've got 31 more daysssssss, does it count if it's hands free? 🧍‍♀️���‍♀️

Day 6: got no sleep, very horny, idk what direction Is up, and I need an answer to the question from yesterday 😫

Day 7: got sleep but not railed because if I get railed too well I'll could possibly finish and idk if that's OK yet :3. I'm going to mountain bike today! I'm super excited bc I need something to take the edge off, if I'm really unlucky I'll get too horny from the idea of getting fucked in the woods and make an update here.

Day 8: we're evening out a little, this may not be impossible, tbf I haven't had time to do much lately so when I finally get the time to ride my toys that might change. I'm planning on doing that tomorrow :3

Day 8 update: I accidentally took two progesterone pills because I boof mine, but I accidentally muscle memory-ed taking my prog orally. Got so horny during work that I nearly cried.

Day 9: I broke some spokes while mountain biking and now I'm sad, but horny and frustrated too. I can only think about being bred, but also being sad that my bike broke, damn fucking stupid sticks getting inbetween my fucking spokes. I need railed bad, etcetera etcetera

Day 10:

Girl abs, that is all

Day 11: I'm going to fuck myself on the biggest toy I own until I'm crying or edging with my Pspot🧍‍♀️ I will return

Day 12: I'm pretty sure I ended up getting edged. Pretty sure because I've never actually finished hands free before and my vibrator died right before I was about to finish. One of you witchy mother fuckers knew I was about to cheat or something, no other explanations, couldn't possibly be that I forgot to charge toys like a dumbass. Laugh it up, I got edged hard by my ADHD.

Days 13: I had a threesome and it was awesome! I explained my agreement to them and got teased a bunch as me and my friend dommed the fuck out of a gorgeous girl. We groped and kissed and sucked all over her body as she got more and more worked up, until eventually I was fucking her with my big purple vibrator and she came hands free for the first time! We made sure to shower her with all kinds of praise and congratulations 💃💃

Days 14-16: started a new job, I'm getting so horny these days that rather than feeling butterflies it's like an almost painful NEED. Like I just desperately need to get tied up and ground into dust, getting edged with my vibrator did a number on me because I'm a mess rn😆

Days 17-20: if I may be honest i embarked on this endeavor to try to finish hands free, I've never done it before but I desperately want to. I think I'll be able to do it by the end of these 36 days or sooner. Idk it's just a hunch🧍‍♀️

Day 21-29: 10 hr shifts in a lab will drive you nuts when there's nothing to think about but getting railed and ice cream percentages. On the plus side I am not only paid but required to eat ice cream every hour at my job. On the downside, I got so horny I cried last night🧍‍♀️😵‍💫😵‍💫

[babyflorencee]

Only one bed

Timothée Chalamet x fem!Reader

The anticipation for the premiere of my latest project, 'little women' had my nerves on edge as I sat in the airport, waiting for my Uber. Tomorrow's event promised excitement and anxiety in equal measure – after all, being one of the main characters in a show was a huge accomplishment for me.

As I scrolled through my Instagram feed, a message from my driver notified me of his arrival. Stepping outside the airport, I was met by a cheerful man who swiftly took my suitcase and stowed it in the trunk before we set off on the short journey, engaging in light conversation along the way.

My phone buzzed incessantly with notifications from the group chat comprised of my fellow 'Little women' cast members. Amidst the chatter, the revelation that we had to share rooms due to a booking oversight surfaced. I sighed inwardly, hoping I wouldn't end up rooming with Timothée – a fellow actor whom I didn't like, at all.

"Miss, we're here," The driver said, getting out and walking around to the trunk to get my bags. Once I got out of the car, I heard someone shout, "Y/N!" looking up I saw Florence with her arms wide open sprinting over to me. I smiled at her, engulfing her in a bear hug. We stayed that way for a while until we heard someone calling our names. We turned around to see Saoirse behind us. "We're deciding who's rooming with who." She said, walking back to the hotel's lobby with Florence and I following close behind her.

***

"Oh fuck no!" I yelled, "I'm not going to be sharing a room with this mother fucker." I said pointing towards Timothée.

"Yeah, and I don't want to share a room with her either!" He retorted, crossing his arms and pouting, causing me to roll my eyes at his childish behavior.

After a while of arguing I eventually gave up, knowing I wouldn't win this argument.

I was to share a room with Timothée. Our mutual disdain for each other was palpable as we rode the elevator to the 19th floor.

"Going up," the elevator announced as it started moving.

I shot Timothée a scornful glare, my irritation palpable at the thought of sharing a room, especially with him – the last person I wanted as a roommate.

The elevator opened revealing the floor we would all be staying on for the next few days. We all went our separate ways just wanting to get to our rooms.

Timothée and I were walking down the halls when we saw our room number. Disgruntled and resigned to our fate, Timothée opened the door throwing his bags on the floor and going straight to the bathroom, grabbing a cup, and filling it with water, while I just stood in the middle of the room in shock.

"Uh, Timothée," I called out to him.

"What n/n?" He said with attitude, walking over towards me and taking a sip from his water.

"Look!" I said, pointing to the spacious yet troubling sight – a solitary king-size bed occupying the center of the room.

Any other person from the cast and I would've been totally fine with it. Why out of all the people did it have to be with Timothée? "You sleep on the bed; I'll sleep on the floor,""He said, grabbing two of the pillows and one of the blankets.

Feeling guilt take over my body, I said, "Tim, it's fine; we could just share the bed; we could put a pillow to divide us."

He didn't reply; he just smiled, throwing the pillow and blanket back on the bed before leaving for the bathroom once again. Timothée emerged from the bathroom in casual blue-and-white pajamas, a departure from his usual appearance. He settled onto his side of the bed, slipping beneath the duvet and cuddling against his pillow. He actually looked kinda cute right now. As much as I hated to admit it, he was a really attractive guy, he just has a terrible personality.

I, too, got under the covers, snuggling up into my pillow before drifting off to sleep.

The night passed relatively quiet until the early hours of the morning, I awoke to sudden movement in the room. To my dismay, my eyes slowly opened to reveal Florence, Emma, and Saoirse standing around the bed, brandishing their phones like paparazzi. I shot up, waking Timothée up from my sudden movements. "What the hell are you guys doing in here?" I questioned.

"I think the real question is how you even got in here." Timothée said, with an annoyed expression.

"Irrelevant," Florence said as Saoirse shoved her phone in our faces.

"Look how cute you guys look!" She said, revealing a photo of Timothée and me spooning with his arm wrapped around me.

My face flushed red as I looked down trying to hide my face. After a while of them teasing us, they eventually left. "Hey, um sorry about that, I didn't know I did that in, my sleep," Timothée said, his head down in embarrassment.

I put my hand on top of his making him look at me. "It's fine, really," I said, smiling at him.

Driven by a surge of impulse, I closed the distance between us, our lips colliding in an unexpected union. Timothée responded, his touch gentle yet firm as he cradled my face in his hands. A smile crept onto my lips as I tangled my fingers in his curls, savoring the moment of intimacy. We both pulled away for air, going back for another kiss when we heard someone clearing their throat, jumping away from each other we saw Emma and Saoirse with big smiles on their face, "you owe me 20 bucks, pay up." Florence said, putting her hand out.

"Seriously how the fuck are you guys getting in here?!"

***

This is definitely not my best work ever, so I apologize for that.

[jellyfishoreo1206]

I really wasn't expecting so many people to like my Mirage x reader so much! I'm glad you guys liked it!

Though this is a rewrite, because I accidentally deleted the original. I'm still a little salty about it but it's whatever

Though there will be a small few changes that aren't updated in the part 1, but nothing much, just how the text will be colored. And some inconsistent POV changes

Y/N-Pink

Mirage-Blue

Noah-Orange

But anyway, here's part two!

Part one is here btw

Meeting Mirage ;)

Warnings: Suggested drug usage, language

"So is there a reason why we're walking instead of taking your car?" Currently right now, Y/N, who was about to go to bed several minutes ago, is now walking the empty streets of Brooklyn with Noah right beside her. And in addition of that, a blindfold for some reason that she's still trying to figure out. It was nearly midnight and this man literally just told her he had something important to show her. Many questions asked, and no answers yet.

He just kept responding with, 'you'll see when we get there', which is slowly starting to tick her off. And to make it just a little worse, she's still in her PJ's, a black tank top, some baggy white sweatpants that aren't even hers, and some worn out spiderman slippers. And it's fucking cold.

"It's close by, not even that long of a walk."

"It better be, because I swear to God Noah if whatever you're about to show me is something stupid I'm going to fucking kick you."

"I swear it's not."

"Also why did it have to be at night? Why not early in the morning?!"

"Because it couldn't wait until early in the morning!"

"Mhm, yeah right. You didn't even let me have time to put on a jacket. It's fucking cold."

"It's summer."

"You know how cold I am naturally!"

"Wouldn't be surprised if you were a lizard."

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm just befriending you so I can slowly take over humanity! Maybe so I can lick all the things I want without getting weird looks from people because it'll all be lizards!"

It was quiet for a moment, before the pair started to laugh at the comment. Sometimes they can't take each other seriously. It's always one of the two that makes the most random comments to ever been said.

"I'll get you some of those croissant thingys from that bakery you like. As a, 'Sorry for dragging you out of your apartment to show you something' apology."

"You better, you mother fucker...and bring some milk too."

"You're the only person I know that likes milk as a beverage."

"Hey! You can make all kinds of shit out of milk! It's not weird to like it as a beverage. Hell, you were drinking it out of your mother once!"

"Never say that sentence ever again."

Sooner or later, they finally arrived at their destination. With the jingling of keys, Noah unlocks a door before gently pulling her into the building. She was immediately hit with the smell of oil, the fumes of paint, and the smell of gas. Wherever they are, Y/N's guessing they're in Noah's garage.

Now, Noah was nervous, the whole entire time they walked here, he was fidgeting with his finger every so often. He fears how his best friend will react to Mirage, and hoping, hoping it's a good reaction. Though, it might be a small chance, but that's not stopping him from praying to the point someone passing by will probably think he's a little crazy.

"Heyyy you're back! And you brought the pretty lady too~" Now Y/N wasn't expecting another person to be here. She thought it would just be the two of them. Not that she was complaining, maybe this important thing needed someone to look after it so it wouldn't break or something.

Though in reality, it's a huge 12ft robot chilling on the floor, waiting for the both of them. But she doesn't know that. Yet.

"Y/N, I want you to me-"

Noah was cut off by Mirage, a pout on his face as he crosses his arms. "Nu uh man! Lemme have this one!" He quickly clears his throat, with a flirtatious smirk replacing that pout in seconds.

"The names Mirage, bonita~ But you can call me yours~" There was a playfulness in his tone, and to Y/N, he seemed very confident and outgoing. Maybe a little flirty, but that's fine with her. Though he does sound rather young, maybe around the same age as Noah? (I don't know how old he is, but I'm guessing maybe around 19-21, also reader is like 6 years older than Noah) And what a strange name, maybe it's a nickname he likes to go by.

"That's the most cheesiest line I've ever heard in my entire life." Y/N let's a chuckle slip through, snapping out of her little mind rant, a small smile making it's way onto her lips.

"Hey I spent a good amount of time on that! Plus, it's not that cheesey.."

"..Was that too cheesey?"

"Dude you're the one who came up with it, not me."

"But you're supposed to be my wingman here! I scratch your back, you scratch mine." There was a small stare down between the two, before Noah sighed.

"...okay maybe it was a little too cheesey-"

"I may not be able to see, but you guys are horrible at whispering."

Y/N was still standing somewhat next to Noah, arms crossed over her chest as she waited for their so called secret conversation to be over with. All the things she wants do is to go to sleep and enjoy her day-off the next day. That's all she asks for.

"Anyway, what's that important thing you wanted to show me, Noah?" She goes to remove the blindfold, but was stopped by a frantic Noah holding her wrists in a soft, but firm, grip.

"Shit! S-Sorry, it's just.." Noah sighs out in frustration, letting go of Y/N's wrists. "I gotta tell you something before I show you the thing." Said woman raised her brow at Noah's behavior. Now's she getting a little worried for what the hell Noah might show her.

"It's.. It's not something illegal, right?"

"No!" He pauses for a few seconds, "At least I don't thin-"

"NOAH-??"

"Right. So, uh, I think it's best if you just..see for yourself?"

"Why do you sound so unsure." Finally glad to be able to take off the damn fabric, Y/N looks at her surroundings, blinking rapidly to adjust her eyes. Her suspicions of being in Noah's garage was correct. But what she wasn't expecting was a huge metal being sitting in the middle of the room, optics on her with a mischievous smile on his face.

"Hey~"

It takes a few seconds before her mind could catch up, her expression blank. When the scene in front of her processed completely, she immediately turned around, walking towards the door with fast and hurried steps.

"Nope. Nu-uh. Not dealing with this shit tonight. Fuck this shit. I'm out. Peace. Adíos. Goodbye forever. So lon-"

"Y/N wait c-come back!"

"And I will walk 500 miles, and I'll walk 500 more-" Grabbing onto the handle, she tries to open it. Only thing was the door jammed repeatedly. "Fucking shit."

"Ouch, they never treated E.T like this." He pouts, dramatically putting the back of his hand to his forehelm. Now he was kind of expecting her to scream or least for her to faint, but this reaction was more amusing.

"Just let me, uh, us explain-!" Noah forcefully put himself between Y/N and the door, holding out his arms so she wouldn't try to go around. A staredown ensues.

"Please..?" Shrugging his shoulders a little with an unsure smile on his face, his attempt to make himself as convincing as possible. With a sigh, she nods, backing away from the door with slight hesitation. Turning back to the robot in question, Mirage has a bubbly smile on his face, optics lighting up.

"There you go! I ain' gonna hurt you," The mech coos teasingly. "Quite a show you put up though, ever thought of doing stand-up comedy?"

Y/N was still a bit tense, looking at the bot in caution. She doesn't even know what to do in a kind of situation like this. Hell, what do you even do in a kind of situation like this?

But despite that, Noah seems to know, Mirage was his name? He seems to know him pretty well, from how well Noah and him seem to get along. It actually explains a lot of things, that you didn't realize until then. How Noah seemed to be very secretive whenever it came to his garage, and seemed to be somewhat cautious whenever someone looks through his things.

"It's okay mami, you can admire this handsome face as long as you like~" Mirage's flirtatious voice broke you out of your mind ramble, a blush covering your face in an instant. You spaced out without realizing it.

"S-shit my bad."

"Heyy, it's alright~ Not often you come across a face like this!" He sticks his glossa out, making a peace sign with his servos as he winks at her. It, oddly made him cute. A small chuckle comes out of the woman, posture now slightly relaxed a little more, but still tense. Thinking this was a dream, she goes to pinch her arm as hard as she can, but no it's no dream. Maybe she had to much edibles before going to bed, and she was just in the streets all sluggish and her mind is throwing delusions at her, just for entertainment. Like a jester of sorts.

But she ran out of edibles 3 days ago, so that's most likely not the reason why.

Like promised, Noah and Mirage explained what, where, who, and why he was on Earth. And that there's more of him. And that they can transform into cars. And he demonstrated this, by transforming into a car himself. The Frankenstein car you were inside not longer than a week ago.

Now the dots were finally connecting.

She continues to ask him a variety of questions, each of which ranging from how long he's been on Earth, why he choose a Porsche to be his alt mode (to which he responded with, "A cool guy like me needs to have a pretty cool alt to go along with it" followed by a flirtatious wink), and how many other people know about his existence. By know your shoulders are less tense, posture completely relaxed as she continues a conversation with (mainly Mirage) the two of them.

And Mirage, being the big flirt he is, kept throwing pick-up lines whenever the chance showed itself, accompanied by a wink and a cute smirk. Each one making you a little flustered.

Eventually Noah had to leave, because apparently Kris never went to sleep in the first place, to busy to defeat Bowser. He knew because Kris accidentally blew his cover via walkie-talkie. So now it's just you and Mirage, all alone in the garage.

It felt somewhat awkward, but Mirage always found a way to break the silence of everything.

"So how'd you meet my boy?"

"His mom, she was a co-worker of mine a few years ago, and decided to invite me over to her house to meet her kids."

"And what, you guys hit it off there?"

Y/N let's out a small chuckle, shaking her head. "Not exactly. He was a little nervous at the start. We only started talking when I offered to babysit Kris." And the conversation continued on from there, leaking into the early hours of the morning.

Mirage knew he wanted to know and see more about the human, she's just so pretty and fascinating! And her reactions and little faces she makes are so cute to him, make him wanna squeeze her little cheeks. His tanks are filled with the fluttery feeling again, the more they talk, the more it increases. Now he knew when to take risks, and this is one of them definitely. He knows he wants to see more of her, to keep talking with her. Just makes his spark go absolutely crazy.

So why not ask her out?

Alright Mirage, you can do this, my man! Don't let that nervous feeling pull you down. C'mon c'mon c'mon! When will you get another chance like this ever again?

After giving himself a small prep talk, Mirage finally asks. "Hey you wanna go to the drive-ins sometime tomorrow? I'd love to keep seeing that pretty face of yours more~" A wink following with a smirk. His confidence was all over the place, and his spark was beating rapidly, like it's going to come out of his chassis. Obviously it wasn't shown on his face, but internally he was a nervous wreck.

You were somewhat taken off-guard by his question, a blush covering your cheeks. Is he asking you out on a date? I mean, he could be asking to hang out more, but his various flirtatious comments and compliments thrown at you made you think otherwise.

Now that she thinks about, he's actually a lot better than any person she's been in a relationship with. He's actually makes her laugh, is nice and gentle, a good listener, and overall quite comfortable to be around with. And he's quite a cutie and handsome one too..fuck it.

"Sure. What time, handsome~?" The mech perked up at her response, optics lighting up. "How 'bout sometime at 7? I know a pretty good spot~"

"Then it's a date." Oh how that word made his spark flutter. He does a little dance and fists his hand in the air for his small victory, Y/N laughing a little at his antics. Her cheeks hurt so much from smiling so much. She's pretty excited for tomorrow's drive-in now.

When Mirage finally settles down, she beckons him down to be at her level, a small mischievous smile on her face. Confused, he does so, couching down until becoming face to face with her smiling face.

Warm lips peck his metal cheek, his optics widening in surprise at the bold gesture, a blue blush makes itself known on his face. The warmth spreading through his entire body as a shiver goes up his backstruts. Now he's for sure his spark might just beat out his chassis. She can practically hear it!

"Something for you to think about until tomorrow~ Goodnight Mirage~" And with that, she leaves the garage, a big smile on her face as she makes her way home, ready to finally crash into her bed and excited for the night tomorrow.

Mirage was left crouching in the garage, a surprised look still of his face, still trying to process what had just happen. His look of shock then quickly shifted to a look of giddiness, letting out a victory whoop as he tries to calm his beating spark.

"Man, what a woman!" And he cannot wait to see her again.

[oneforthemunny]

gone fishin' |dad!rockstar!eddie munson x nepo baby!reader|

prompt: doing my own prompt again from #munnysummergame. domestic fluff with dad!rockstar!eddie :)

🐙- domestic blurb!! any of the dad!eddie’s take their kids to stay with wayne for a mini vacation (or staycation if they’re in hawkins). I love grandpa!wayne and dad!eddie make my ovaries cry.

contains: fluff lol. that's it no warnings just sweet dad!rockstar!eddie and grandpa wayne :)

"I mean... if you want to." Eddie's grimacing face says it all, eyes darting from his uncle back to his youngest.

Vega bounced on the tips of her toes, a grinning, bubbling ball of energy, ecstatic to be back with Grandpa Wayne. The summer trip back to Hawkins, before spending the remainder of July in the Hamptons, was annual for the Munson family. Wayne traveled to you when he could, but in his older age you wanted to make it easier on him, more accommodating; the opposite of keeping baby Vega.

At four years old, she was...energetic, and that was generous. Eddie had invested in a leash after her dash down Rodeo Drive, the ever chaotic child that kept you all on your toes. While you didn't doubt that Wayne would take care of Vega, you knew he would, you worried, truthfully, if he could.

Wayne lifted a brow. "Well, of course I want to, boy." Wayne gruffed, eyes rolling over Eddie's rigid frame. Even as a grown man, a father, he could tell when he was uneasy about something, read him so easily. "You don't want me to?"

"No," Eddie shook his head. "It's not that. It's just...I mean as long as you feel up to it-"

"I feel fine, Ed." Wayne rolled his eyes with a huff.

"Yeah, Ed." Vega parroted with a far greater attitude than she should at four. You blamed Persephone, Vega was observant- copying the seventeen year old's every move.

"Vega Jo," Eddie glared at her, a stern warning glare that had her giggling, hanging on Wayne's leg, laughing maniacally at his expense. Not quite the reaction he was hoping for, only praying that the name didn't stick. Not the way 'mother fucker' had- the drop off line at the elementary school is brutal, ok?

Wayne pressed his lips together to fight back a smile. "You go on. Go to Mike's party, and I'll take care of this one." Wayne petted Vega's unruly curls, already puffing and frizzing in the Hawkins' humidity.

"Are you sure?" Eddie asked again.

Wayne huffed in annoyance. "We're goin' fishing', Miss Vega. Tell you Daddy and Mama bye." Wayne glared at Eddie lightly, pushing off the wall to head towards the garage.

"What's going on?" You emerged down the hall, lipstick in hand. "Where's Vega going?"

"Grandpa's taking me fishing!" Vega cheered excitedly, a wide toothy grin dazzling up at you.

"Is he?" You asked, brows raised and voice lilting to that high octave you fell into when you baby talked. "That sounds like so much fun, baby. Is it just you and Grandpa?"

"Yes." Vega lisped, swinging her arms back and forth by her side. "Jus' me and Grandpa. Not you, or Sicily, or Sephy, or-or Ed." She giggled wickedly.

You hid your face to hide your smile. Fuck, kids were funny sometimes. It was hard not to snicker at Vega every now and then, especially at Eddie's expense. Sicily and Sienna didn't hold the same courtesy, doubling over each other in the hallway. Eddie glared at them, turning back to Vega.

"You better stop that, Vega. Or you're not going anywhere. I'll make you come with me." Eddie pointed at her in warning.

You watched it unfold in slow motion, the same scenario. Vega's little grin melting into a sweet smile, swaying until she scampered and hugged Eddie's legs tightly.

"I jus' kiddin', Daddy." Vega grinned, chin resting against his knee to look up at him with a sweet look. She patted his calve with childlike gentleness, the final nail in his own coffin.

You could practically see Eddie melting before your eyes, reaching down to hoist her on his hip. You hid your eye roll, shaking your head lightly. Your heart swelled nonetheless. How was this the same man you met nearly twenty years ago? The same rough and mean and nasty man, who now could be so gentle, not just with you and the girls, but with himself.

Eddie gave her an exaggerated mean look. "You better be kidding, Vega Jo. Better be good for Grandpa Wayne."

"Yes," You nodded, your hand rubbing over the cotton material of her little shirt. "Look at Mommy, baby. You have to be very, very good for Grandpa, ok? Listen to him and no running, Vega. That's not a funny game at all."

"I won't." Vega sighed heavy, like she was bored of the conversation.

"Vega, I'm being serious. You gotta stay close to Grandpa. Do what he says- are you listening to me?" You watched her tip back in a backbend, Eddie's arms holding her in place on his hip. She looked up at you, upside down with a grin.

"I'll be good." Vega repeated. "I'll listen."

"Yeah, right." Kensington muttered, passing the two of you to get to the kitchen.

"Kensie." You grit, eyes cutting to the fifteen year old, so angsty and moody all the time.

"I am good!" Vega growled, scowling at her older sister with a furrowed brow, a scrunched nose- the same expression she got from you. The look on Eddie's face told you that.

"Ok," You held your hands up. "You are very good. Very, very good, and you're gonna have so much fun catching fish with Grandpa, aren't you?"

"I-I'm gonna catch a big fish, like this big Mama." Vega stretched her arms out wide, nearly smacking Eddie's nose in the process.

"Yeah? You gonna bring it home? We can fry it up tonight. Dinner's on you." Eddie teased, tickling her sides so she shrieked.

"Ready to go?" Wayne called, holding a tackle box and two fishing poles- an old, black one and a bright pink one with various Disney Princesses on it.

Vega squirmed out of Eddie's grasp, flip flops smacking against the hardwood of the lake house towards the front door. "Be good, Vega!" You shouted after her, nervously pressing your fingers to your mouth. "I have my phone, Wayne, if you need anything-"

"-I got it, darlin'. You all go have fun. Don't worry 'bout us." Wayne gave you a warm smile, shutting the door with his foot behind him.

You hesitated for a moment, looking over at Eddie carefully. "She'll be good, right? He's got it."

"Vega? No way." Eddie scoffed, shaking his head. "But he's got her. He won't let anything happen to her." You frowned, lips jutting in a pout. Eddie sighed heavily. "I'll go check on them after a little bit, ok? In case it gets too much."

***

Eddie wasn't sure if it was the heat or surely someone had slipped something in his drink. He'd felt fine, pressing a kiss to your cheek before excusing himself, climbing in the car to go check on Vega. The best part about Hawkins was everywhere took ten minutes to get to, at most. The lake house was on the outskirts of town, a farther drive, but nothing he couldn't get to quickly.

Eddie didn't hear shrieking or crying or cackling, only hearing the eerily quiet sound of the breeze through the trees and the water rippling. His heart lurched, heavy steps pounding towards the back yard. The lawn that backed up into the lake, the bank meeting the soft grass where he saw them; Vega and Wayne, sitting in their own little chairs.

Vega was calmly sitting there, watching the bobber in the water, her own little pole slipping while she chatted with Wayne softly.

"...You don't like them Webkinz anymore? They not doin' it for ya?" Wayne asked gently, reeling in his line.

"No. I don't-I don't really like them anymore, because I like to play on the Wii. Me and Zarah play Just Dance a lot, but she alwaaayyys beats me." Vega sighed heavily, shoulders deflating. "She's so good at it. She can hit all the moves."

Wayne snorted lightly. "Yeah? You'll get there soon, Vega. She's a lot older than you, bigger. She's got more coordination."

Vega paused, nose scrunching when she looked over at Wayne. "What's coorginmasion?" She stuttered out the word with a grimace.

Wayne laughed. "Coordination. Means you can move quick. You'll get there. You're still little bitty. Got lots more growin' to do."

"Daddy tells me that too." Vega hummed. "He's really tall. Got lotsa co-or-di-nation." She sounded it out slowly, in between deep breaths that had Eddie grinning.

Wayne grinned. "Yeah? You'd think he would. Your Daddy can be a little clumsy sometimes."

Vega giggled loudly, nearly dropping her pole. "Yeah..." She sighed, far too heavy to be four. She'd definitely heard that from you or Eddie.

"Catch any big ones yet?" Eddie asked with a grin, arms crossed over his chest when he stepped forward.

Vega perked, curls whipping her face. "Daddy! You sneaked!" She giggled, swinging her pole around, ripping it through the water to point at him accusingly.

"Easy, Vega, easy. Gotta be gentle. Scarin' all the fishies, baby." Wayne cooed calmly, maneuvering his own pole away. "What're you doin' here, boy?"

"Just came to check on you. Make sure everything was alright." Eddie hummed. "Catch anything yet, Vegie?"

"No." Vega pouted, shaking her head. "No big ones. Grandpa said they're probably in the middle of the lake 'cause that's where all the sunshine is."

"Yeah?" Eddie grinned in amusement. "He's probably right."

Eddie sat down on the cool grass next to them, under the shaded trees, a hand on Vega's back to steady her on her makeshift chair, a turned over bucket. "Guess no dinner then, huh?"

Wayne huffed at him. Vega shrugged. "Grandpa has honey buns so we're good." She said easily, eyes cutting over to Wayne's, copying the way he slowly reeled his line in.

"Honey buns?" Eddie gasped. "And you didn't share any with me, Grandpa?"

"No. They're just for us." Vega declared.

"That's right." Wayne nodded. "Vega said we should use 'em for bait. The fish might like 'em." He grinned at the younger girl.

Eddie watched in awe as Vega sat peacefully, not fidgeting or bouncing or trying to jump off the bucket. She sat, chatting with Wayne, calmly and slowly, careful with her reeling and casting- well, as careful as a four year old could be.

Eddie felt his phone buzz in his back pocket, a text from you, no doubt. "Well, if you two are good, I'm gonna go back." Eddie hesitated, standing slowly.

"We're alright." Wayne nodded, eyes not leaving the water.

Eddie hesitated, leaning down to press a kiss to Vega's head, before ducking over to Wayne. "Did you... Did you give her something?" Eddie asked quietly. Wayne's head snapped to him in question. "Like to calm her down? I don't care if you did just-"

"Boy, get out of here." Wayne scoffed, shaking his head at Eddie. "We're just having a nice, relaxin' fishin' day, right, Vega?" He glared at Eddie.

"Yes." Vega chirped, tongue poking out in concentration, turning the gears around.

"I got it handled." Wayne nodded. "Handled you for many years, boy, think I can handle this one."

Eddie nodded, raising his hands lightly. "Just call me if you need me." He said, backing away slowly.

"I got it." Wayne huffed. "Get outta here so we can get another honey bun. Let's see if them fishies like it, Vega. Maybe that'll help 'em bite."

Sure enough, Vega was bounding towards the two of you hours later, buzzing with excitement to show you what she caught. A bass in the bucket, swimming in the half filled orange container.

Wayne grinned proudly, patting her back while she rambled and showed off her fish to you, Eddie, and her sisters.

"She caught this?" Eddie asked, lifting a brow carefully.

"With her pink fishin' rod." Wayne laughed. "Caught that damn fish. Wouldn't touch it and didn't want it to die, so we put it in the bucket 'til you got back. She wanted to show ya." He boasted.

"Damn honey bun trick worked. 'Bout to use that one on my next fishin' trip with Roy." Wayne laughed.

[ask-the-four-lords]

Don't know if this has been ask if so ignore this lol.

To all the lords, dimitrescu sisters and mother miranda what is your type?

:D

(I'm going to have them all answer honestly because if we're being realistic they'd all lie either a little or about basically the entire question)

Alcina Dimitrescu: Adorable, tasteful, intelligent, amusing, talented, strong-willed *seductive tone* yet entirely submissive at the right times.

Donna Beneviento: *Swallows* U-understanding, caring... no... no... I-I just want someone... to-to really love me *sobs*...

Salvatore Moreau: Someone... *barely keeps down some acid* someone whlo is nod afraid uh me... *cries* l-loving... like in muh-muh movies... *fails to keep down acid, it gets all over the floor* (He doesn't say it but also someone who fits the mommy bill)

Karl Heisenberg: Heh, smart, pretty, witty, charmin', and most impordenly, they're a real fighter, don't let any motherfucker hold em down but occasionally ready to be held down. *realizes there are some similarities between his statement and the 'big bitch's', gags. He speaks after in a rare moment of vulnerability* Hones'ly, I just don' wanna be alone anymore... I got no one but Sturm at the momen'. *Grimaces* Speaking of the fucker... YOU STUPID SACK OF SHIT! I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS SICK FUCKING WORLD AND I'll TAKE YOU OUT OF IT!

Daniela Dimitrescu: *Giggles* I'd like an adorable little maid... romantic and pretty.

(Sorry I didn't do Bela and Cassandra I am really sleep deprived, I'll probably be back to edit and add them in the next two days)

[ellaa-writes]

Henlo!! I just saw ur doctor/medic reader story and i feel like they would all want to hear the absolute crazy cases and gossip from reader

Im a student and i work in a large hospital/shadowing some doctors aswell and someday’s these crazy things happen randomly. In the least expected ways. From getting a sudden code stroke to seeing 🪱🪱on body parts to hospital staffs gossips in the med room. Its so random sometimes.

Imagine doctor reader casually telling the time she caught so and so cheating in an empty room in between 2 codes. And shes so chill about it like shes seen and heard enough but the Kortac officers r eating it up like listening to Nurse John’s podcasts😂

Reader: yk this reminds me of the time i did my trauma rotation in—

Konig: wait! Let me get my snacks and tea👀☕️

Hello!! Thank you <3 This is so silly I love it. Decided to have fun with it. It's kinda gross but hey that's what happens. Lol.

It's going to be a rough day, you thought. Not even 2 hours into your shift you had two concussed idiots sitting in your waiting room. This is gonna be a long one, you started at noon and won't be done till 4am the next morning.

Clutching your coffee you prayed for a miracle, an alien ship or a metor. Either one would do.

Later that evening, specifically dinner time. You were the last to arrive, having to help hold down a patient as another medic stitched up a gash on his forehead.

"I know, I know." you said as you sat you lunch down in front of your chair. Running off to grab a much needed coffee. It was your turn for the over night shift. It wasn't a bad shift, just babysitting the wounded soldiers that are currently being held. Coming back and setting yourself into your spot, digging into your food without a cause to the wind.

"You guys won't believe my day." you started off, slurping down your heart spaghetti. "Some rookies decided to play chicken and now they both have a concussion. And one probably memory loss. Couldn't even tell me his name." you shook your head, recalling the incident. "Than Hutch came in, complaining that he can feel worms crawling in him. I had to explain four times to that dense mother fucker that worms can not survive stomach acid." you stopped to take a big gulp of coffee. "But he wouldn't listen, said it wasn't in his stomach but inside his skin. Ran some blood tests and no hallucinogenic. But he could have fooled me." you didn't realise you were blabbing until you looked up from your plate to see a few of your team members surpressing their laughs.

"What?" you asked, mouth full of spaghetti. "Why don't you chew a bit more." one of them offered. Making the other laugh, "Oh fuck off." you spat. "Anyways, had to give Hutch an xray just to prove there's no damn worms in him." you explained.

"An xray? Does that-" you cut them off. "No, not at all. But it shut him up." they all bursted out laughing. "It reminds me of a patient I had back at the ER. Complaining about his ass itching. The other nurses weren't taking him seriously. Just sent him to the bathroom with some baby wipes." you stopped abruptly, this might not be a good dinner story.

"Oh come on Katze, don't get all shy on us now." König said, you didn't even notice he was there. You also didn't notice the rest of the mess hall getting quiet to listen to your story.

"Oh, well we're eating." you tried to explain but was met with loud booing. "Fine, fine." you yelled back. Wiping your mouth, your food finished, you pushed the tray away from you.

"Ok, so they sent him to the bathroom and he came back later saying he can still feel them."

"Them?" Horangi interrupted, and was followed by shushing. "Damn, sorry. Continue." he slinked back into his chair.

" So they put him in a room, told him to strip from the waist down. Another trainee and myself were assigned to this case along with a RN. She had him lay on the side has she spread his ass cheeks. Like you would a child." you stopped from dramatic affect. Watching as your tream and the rest of mess hall looked on in anticipation.

"We saw nothing. So she took a swab, had me spread this grown man's cheeks as she inserted it into the recum, shoveling out what ever was in side. Still nothing." a few people got up and left and others choking back a gag.

"She wet had him pop a squat over the trash can and cough. Sure enough a worm came shooting out. So did some green chunks, thankfully they were just some cucumbers. Guess the guy stole a cucumber from his neighbors garden not knowing it was infested with worms. He shoved the thing right up and it broke. He was like that for 2 weeks, worms up the ass. Still not the craziest thing I experienced, let me tell your that." you reached for your tray, but König took it for your instead.

"A cucumber up the ass?" Horangi asked. "I've seen people shove all sorts of thing up their butt. Idk what it is or why but it's way to common." you threw your finished coffee cup in the trash.

"Sorry I gotta get back. The results for mister chicken should be in by now." you said you goodbyes and waved to others, rushing out of the lunch hall.

"What a women." König said, hearts in his eyes.

[irishmammonagenda]

Summertime Shenanigans-Obey Me X Reader

Summary: You go to the Celestial Realm on a mission, and end up finding out about a horror occurring all over different afterlives. With Lucifer's upcoming birthday, chaos ensues. Word Count: 6.3k+ Warnings: more than half of this is crack btw. female reader. Religious references. OCs involved, mentions of mythology, very bad representation of a very certian country. very much a Lucifer x reader bc its his birthday <3

post dividers by @saradika-graphics

You seem to keep finding yourself in the Celestial Realm these days, which makes sense seeing as you did get reincarnated as an angel so it is technically your realm. But still, you've visited the Celestial Realm as an angel way more times than you'd visited the Human Realm as a human.

Nothing but your thoughts occupy you as you climbed over the fence that bordered the official entrance to the Celestial Realm. Technically you could´ve just walked through the gate like a fucking normal person, or y´know used your wings to fly over the massive fence, but climbing was funner.

When you do make it over the fence, you make a beeline for the Celestial Gardens, passing Saint Peter on the way. The man just looks at you and sighs inwardly muttering something about how he was not crucified upside down just to watch some crackhead climb over the gates of heaven, he turns away from you and moves to greet a new arrival, being the nosy fucker that you are, you decide to watch from behind a cloud.

Peter can see you by the way. You're not fooling anyone, he's just choosing to ignore you.

Peter smiles at the young woman with hair as orange as a runny yolk. He nods to her. "Hello, and welcome to Heaven. I'm Saint Peter."

The woman's eyes widen and she looks around. "Heaven? But...that can't....I'm not..-"

Peter sighs, looking at the pendant of Mjölnir around her neck and nodding to himself. "Valhalla is currently under construction, again. We in Heaven have agreed to take all coming to Valhalla and host them for a few weeks until the damage is fixed. Again."

The woman lets her quickened breathing slow down, she mumbles weakly. "O-oh right...thank you...but..Valhalla's damaged, how?"

"Nothing much, just Derek."

"Derek?"

Peter shrugs, you tilt your head from where you're hiding behind your cloud. "He's just some guy. He's been appearing in every plane of Afterlife and, pardon my french, fucking things up."

The woman cracks her knuckles. "But why?"

Peter shrugs, "Because Derek's a dickhead."

"I see...."

Peter hands her a pamphlet before pointing her in the direction of the temporary accomodation set up for Norse Devotees before turning around and yanking the cloud off of you.

"Michael's where he usually is. Also, please stop climbing the fence, you're scaring the doves."

"Who's Derek and what's he got against Valhalla?"

Peter just sighs, "He's from Illinois."

"Understandable. I'm off to go see Michael, Bye Peter!"

"Goodbye MC! Use the gate next time!" Is all Peter shouts after you, before turning and having to explain to another disgruntled newcomer that a man called Derek exists so they have to stay in Heaven for a week.

After making it to the Celestial Gardens, you find Michael, Jesus and surprisingly, Satan huddled together looking at a crystal ball. You stop in your tracks, "What are you guys doing?"

"Making a gnome." Michael answers at the same time Jesus and Satan say, "Watching people debate theology."

You blink, sitting down in between Jesus and Satan. The former groaning with his head in his hands, exasperation written all over his tanned face, strands of dark wavy hair fall over his expression as eyes as rich as soil squeeze shut. An unusual sight to say the least. "If these people don't stop calling my mother a whore..."

"Yucky." You make a face.

"Very yucky." Michael agrees. "It's a shame we're not allowed to smite humans anymore."

You tilt your head looking at the Archangel. "You'd smite someone for calling another person a whore?"

Michael nods, golden curls and coils bouncing around as he does so, some paper shavings falling out from the confines of the coils like dandruff, ruby red eyes portray seriousness he doesn't normally express as he looks up from where he's giving the gnome insanely big ears. "Well no one messes with Mary."

Jesus nods in agreement.

Satan pats Michael on the shoulder, "Damn straight."

You look between the three, making note of Michael's green robe tied in such a way half of his chest is visible. Said visible skin is covered in glue and paper. "So, why are you torturing a gnome, and why are you guys watching humans debate theology?"

Satan shrugs, watching in the crystal ball as the Jehovah's Witnesses' enter the room to debate. "Funny."

Jesus smiles, "Interesting, but also frustrating."

Michael looks between the two, now attempting to paper maché more hair onto the gnome, in the process somehow getting newspaper stuck to his dark skin. "I'm an artist."

Satan gives you a hug, standing up and stretching his legs. "Well I better get going. If I leave fast enough I won't have to deal with Saint Peter on the way out."

Michael whistles, still not looking up from the gnome. "This about the upside down cross symbol?"

Satan sighs. "Not my fault people think it's my symbol not his...."

Michael discreetly glances over to Jesus who is explaining to you what's been happening in the debate he and Satan were watching. "Well I mean, getting crucified is kind of a bad experience sometimes."

Jesus makes a face at him. Michael raises his hands. "Okay...all the time."

Satan gives his uncle a look before he waves goodbye to you. "See you back at home, yeah?"

"Mhm! But don't tell Lucifer I'm here or I was here."

Satan smirks. "Only if you don't tell him I was here."

"Pinky promise?" You hold your pinky out.

"PInky promise." Satan intertwines your pinkies before waving goodbye to Jesus. "Bye Jesus! Sorry about the whole Desert thing! Bye Michael thanks for the blackmail material."

"Goodbye my favourite nephew!"

"Goodbye Satan." Jesus pauses the crystal ball and smiles kindly at you. "So what brings you to the Celestial Realm?"

You stiffen. "Oh yeah....I need to talk to Michael..."

Michael pauses from where the massive ears for the gnome have broken apart due to their heaviness. "If it's about Derek I already have a meeting with Father, Hera, The Dagda, and Odin later on today about the situation." He drawls boredly, before grinning, "But don't worry, I'll be sure to tell you all the details afterwards!"

You blank, "Well-...uh...it's not about Derek...." Jesus senses some sort of emotional turmoil from you, and places a tanned, scarred hand on your shoulder comfortingly.

Michael pauses from his horrific gnome creation, looking up at you with a raised eyebrow. Ruby red eyes staring into your soul. "Oh...then what's it about? You seem nervous."

Jesus stands up, giving you a pat on the head. "Well I'll give you two your privacy. Good luck with whatever it is, MC." The man gives you a knowing smile before walking away, the sun shining on his dark waves. You watch him leave, missing his comforting presence as you turn your attention onto the Archangel.

Time to ask him the biggest most important question in your afterlife.

meanwhile...

"Psst, kid. Yo kid." A man wearing a baseball cap asks from the fence bordering heaven, a cherub looks up at him, her small head tilting in confusion.

"Who are you?" She asks, stumbling onto her tiny feet as she walks towards the fence.

"I'm a friend....I got locked out of Heaven on accident and need help getting back in!" The strange man says, running his hands over his buzz cut, he adjusts his Chicago cubs cap. "I just need you to let me in!"

The little girl blinks at him, her small ringlet curls sway slightly in the light breeze as she gets closer to the fence. "But I dunno you...."

The man's lips tighten for a moment before morphing into a smile. "But I'm your friend! Are we not friends?" He says, allowing his face to fall into a sad expression.

The little girl looks up at him, still a few yards away from the fence, just out of arm's reach of the man. "My daddy sayed I'm not allowed to talk to strangers...."

"Oh really?" The wolfish man smiles. "And who's your daddy?"

"God!" She grins. "Well so is my other daddy and mummy but they're still on earth!"

God? He pales. "Oh...right....Well I'm still your friend, aren't I?" He reaches a hand through the fence, he needed to get into heaven for his plan God Dammit! The hand inches closer to the cherub.

"What's going on here?" A voice cuts through the silence along with tanned skin and ash-blond hair. The man retracts his hands from through the fence immediately.

"Oh...just got lost and couldn't find the main gates!....I was trying to get help...!...Is all..."

Raphael nods slowly, looking from the man to the cherub. "So you asked a cherub?"

"She was the only person I'd saw!"

"Guards patrol around the perimeter of the realm. Surely you could've flagged down one of them?"

"O-oh."

Raphael's lips twitch upwards slightly in something that could hardly be described as a smile. "No problem. I can direct you to where you need to go." The angel's hand twitches and a spear starts to materialise.

"Hey Michael can I borrow that sellotape for a second?"

"Sure! What for?" Michael tilts his head, still waiting on this very important thing you're supposed to be asking him.

You whsitle, pulling up your shirt and sellotaping under your breast on the left side of your ribs, where your pact mark with Lucifer is. "I can't risk Luci finding this out yet...."

Michael raises an eyebrow playfully.

"So basically...I uh...I kind of need to ask you something..."

Michael grins, red eyes sparkling. "You can ask me anything MC!"

"I...I need your blessing."

"My blessing?" Michael's brows furrow confusedly. "For what?"

"Well you see...."

You explain, and upon seeing Michael's darkening expression, you nearly gulped.

Raphael sighed in annoyance. The strange man had booked it and ran away, leaving him with the cherub, he stiffens slightly as he meets her big hazel eyes.

"...Hello."

"Hi! I know you! You're Raphael!"

Raphael nods. "Yes I am."

The cherub grins, her chubby cheeks making her eyes crinkle slightly. "I'm Evangeline! But I can't spell that so I just write Eva!"

The Archangel nods awkwardly, attempting to smile at the child. "Well that's great, Evangeline....I need to get back to the Celestial Palace...." The man says and begins walking, the child starts walking with him.

"That's fun! Do you always have spears with you?"

"Yes." Raphael answers disjointedly.

"Wow! I always wanted to hold a spear! Can I hold your spear Mr Raphael?"

"That would be dangerous, Evangeline." He answers awkwardly.

The child pouts. "Aw, okay!"

A moment of silence.

The cherub tugs on his trouser leg. "How come your hair's all grey?"

"It just is, I guess."

"But why?"

"God made me that way I suppose." He replies awkwardly.

"Okay!" Evangeline grinned. "God made me with weird eyes! Sometimes they look more green or more brown!"

Raphael blinks, this child was almost as socially inept as Michael. "That's because your eyes are hazel."

This was going to be a long walk.

Michael glares at you, straightening his shoulders to make them seem broader, and even with the mess of paper stuck to his skin and face, he still looks threatening.

As unusually serious as you'd ever seen him, it almost hurts to keep his gaze.

He's stopped his arts and crafts and instead focuses all of his attention on you. "I'm going to need you to repeat that, MC."

You audibly gulp.

Lucifer sighs from where he's seated in the student council room. The paperwork feeling more suffocating than usual. Almost as if someone had taped over his mouth and nose very badly. The door creaks open and he looks up to see Mammon.

The Avatar of Greed looks around the room before cursing and turning to walk out again.

"Mammon."

"Oh hiya Lucifer!" Mammon says, looking disgruntled.

"What are you doing." Lucifer sighs, knowing better than to frame it as a question.

"Lookin' for MC. Can't find'er anywhere...."

The first born sits up straighter, something flashing in his ruby eyes. "You can't find MC?"

"Nope. And I've checked ev'rywhere! Even the fuckin' attic. I asked Beel but he said he hasn' saw'er since this mornin'."

Lucifer feels something swirl in his chest. "I'll ask Diavolo."

"Thanks...Me and Beel are teamin' up and lookin' around the classrooms."

Lucifer pinches his hooked nose.

Diavolo sits in the meeting room of the palace, a man of granduer sits across from him. Long silvery hair frames his timeworn face, a well groomed beard grows from his face, as he enjoys a cup of Barbatos' tea.

Diavolo's brows furrow. "I just don't see us being able to do anything about it without potentially hurting our already strained relationship with the Human Realm."

The man nods, glancing down at his coarse hands with his one eye. He speaks with a Scandinavian accent. "Those were our thoughts as well. Killing him could be a bad diplomatic move."

The Demon Prince nods gravely to the God. "I heard from my meeting with Helios that this mortal journeyed into realms unknown and came out...different."

Odin scratches his chin in thought. "I say we find a way to trap him." He closes his eye. "I do believe this figure was spotted outside of the Celestial Realm."

Diavolo nods seriously, a small grin on his face. "Well at least we know the general area he's in."

"But you and I both know we can't kill him without the high possibility of it backfiring on us." The Revered warrior attests.

Diavolo nods in agreement before a knock on the door is heard. The Demon Prince stands up, excusing himself to open the door, revealling a frazzled Lucifer.

"Oh hello Lucifer, what's the matter?"

"I apologise for interrupting Lord Diavolo but have you seen MC? We believe she's gone missing..."

Diavolo's eyes widen in worry. "No, have you tried calling her?"

Lucifer shakes his head, Odin regards the scene with vague interest. "Goes to voicemail, she isn't receiving our texts either."

Diavolo sitffens.

"If I may interject, MC is the human-turned-angel who managed to keep her pacts even after her rebirth?" The Norse God asks.

Lucifer nods.

"Well then, she's in the Celestial Realm right now with Archangel Michael."

"Thank you. Thank you." The Avatar of Pride says breathlessly. Youre safe, possibly scheming, but you're safe. "How did you know that?"

Odin points to his eye, or lack thereof.

"Oh right...wisdom..." Lucifer blinks, the adrenaline wearing off making it easier to think straight and also feel shame. "Well thank you Odin and Diavolo. I apologise for interrupting."

Diavolo grins. "It's never an interruption if it's about MC's safety."

Lucifer leaves, shutting the door gently behind him, Diavolo and the Mighty Odin continue their discussion.

Speaking of your safety, you're not exactly feeling very safe right now. You should make a wikihow article called 'How to Turn Archangel Michael into a Feral Beast in Literally One Sentence!'

Said Archangel has his narrowed eyes on you. "Lucifer is my baby brother...."

"He's thousands of years old if you think about it." You smile awkwardly.

"Still just a baby."

"He's the Avatar of Pride! LIterally the Demon Prince's Righthand man!"

"And that's a great preschool activity." Michael huffs.

You sigh, looking down at the spear currently being pointed at you neck. Michael makes a sound akin to a snarl. "Look MC. I know that Lucifer is his own person. I know that even though he's still an edgy little teenager slash toddler in my eyes he is technically an adult. But he's still my baby brother."

The Archangel lowers his spear, turning around, golden coils bouncing as he does so, almost deflating with him. "He's just....those two minutes spent without him were the hardest two minutes of my life...except of course the multiple minutes in the Great Celestial War."

You walk closer to Feral Michael, who turns back around to face you, a fire in the crimson eyes he shares with his twin brother. "I know he's all grown up now, but he's still my baby brother, and I know that you're one of my closest friends MC."

He closes the distance between you, cornering you into a tree. Face stony and grave. "But so help me God, if you ever do anything to hurt him....and I don't mean having a simple argument or whatever...If you ever truly do something to hurt him...you're going to wish there was a realm out there that could shield you from me."

He pauses, moving away from you and grinning his usually playful grin. "Are we understood."

He wasn't asking.

"Yes. Very understood." You nod. "I would never hurt Luci like that....ever...."

The blond pulls one of his golden curls so it stretches completely straight before letting go and watching it coil back up again. "Well....I'm sorry I went all...like that on you...big brother instincts?"

You shrug. "Reminds me of Lucifer that one time this witch genuinely threatened Mammon with a grimoire. That shit was brutal."

"Must've been." Michael whistles. "So...have you decided how you're going to do it?"

"Well sort of...but I was hoping you'd help me shop for the ring?"

Michael's grin widens.

Derek Wisconsin made it away just barely with his life. He had almost convinced that little girl to let him into the Celestial Realm! He really almost did! But then that Seraph (or was he an Archangel?) guy Raphael just had to stop him!

He pants, beads of sweat running down his forehead. Taking off his Chicago Cubs cap and sighing in relief at the feeling of a free bald buzzcut head.

Derek groans, peeling off sunburnt skin while the door creaks open. He never should've went to somewhere as sunny as the Celestial Realm without putting sunscreen on first.

Derek might've been one millionth-gazillionth italian but he definitely did not tan like one. When he was in the sun he burned more than a petrol fire on a hot summer's day. There must be ginger genes in him somewhere.

"Derek. You need to stop this. All of this attempted destruction of the afterlife....it's...it's not right Derek." A voice sounds behind him. Another man, with an identical buzzcut and baseball hat, except this man had glasses.

"Shut up Eric." Derek grunts. "I'm doing what has to be done so the cubs win every match they play."

"You're doing this for baseball?" Eric asks, adjusting his glasses further up his nose.

"Baseball is our life Eric."

"No. Baseball is your life, Derek. I like ice hockey better and you know it!" Eric bites his bottom lip, arms crossed over his chest as he looks at his friend.

"That's just because you're half Canadian." Derek scoffs. "Go listen to Justin Beiber you race traitor."

"American isn't a race, Derek."

Eric looks at his friend, before taking off his hat. "You can have your spare fucking hat back, Derek." The half Canadian reaches the door before turning around. "Oh and by the way, Justin Beiber fucking sucks. Canadians don't claim him."

The door slams shut.

Derek is left in silence.

Evangeline giggles, climbing around Raphaels shoulders, he winces and brings up an uncertain hand to stabilise her. With one leg on each shoulder and Raphael holding both of her legs for stability the little angel cheers.

"Wow! I'm so high up! I'm so high up! Do ya see me?!"

"Yes....I see you." The angel nods slowly, continuing his now very delayed walk to the Celestial Palace.

"I love being up high! I can't wait till my wings grow some more and then I can fly!"

"..I'm sure you'll be a good flyer." The ashy haired angel grunts out awkwardly.

"Yay!"

Forget almost dying in the Great Celestial War, this was the scariest moment of his life.

You blink at Michael's retracting form. He sat you down on a bench and gave you crayons and a colouring book, before telling you to wait on him finishing this meeting about that one guy Derek.

You sigh and begin colouring in a picture of a clown and making it Michael. Fuck that guy, you're not a kid!

Upon hearing footsteps you look up. "Oh hey Raphael! Who's the kid?"

"I'm Evangeline!" The cherub grins fidgeting and manuevering herself off of Raphael's shoulders and waddling up to you. "Who are you?"

"I'm MC, I'm Raphael's friend!" You smile at the child. Raphael gives you a grateful look. You never knew he could be that expressive.

"Me too! I'm Mr. Raphael's bestest ever friend!" The girl grins excitedly, swinging while standing, going back and forth to leaning on her heels then to leaning on her tiptoes.

"Well! I'm happy to hear that Evangeline! Would you like to do some colouring in?"

"Yes please!"

Raphael sits beside you, feeling the need to worship the ground you walk on. His ordeal of dealing with a child is over.

After a very enlightening zoom call meeting and bidding goodbye to Odin. Diavolo calls a very spooky number.

The phone is answered a crackly voice speaks through it.

"I need your help. We know where Derek is staying but as Gods, Angels and Demons....we can't kill him...but you can."

A chuckle crackles through the phone speaker. "Send me his Location. I'll see what I can do."

[A Week or So Later....]

Derek wipes the sweat off of his brow as he begins his operation. Making bombs that aren't molotov cocktails is very difficult, thank god for Wikihow.

Unfortunately setting them down strategically in order to blow up the Celestial Realm is quite difficult.

"You seem to be having some troubles with that." A voice cuts through the silence.

"Oh yeah I am-" Derek begins before turning around and staring wide-eyed at the ivory-haired intruder like a deer in headlights. He immediately stands up. "Who are you?"

"The name's Solomon." The sorcerer gives the man a closed mouth smile. "Normally I don't interfere with the business of the Celestial Realm...but seeing as they asked, and a very close friend of mine is an angel, and also seeing as I think baseball is largely pointless...I don't think it's a very logical gameplan to let you live..."

Derek splutters. "Y-you can't!"

Solomon opens his eyes, something unreasonable in those ocean blue irises. "Oh but I can!" He grins. "It's one thing to try and destroy things, it's another to attempt to blow up multiple plains of existence with bombs you made using a WIkihow tutorial just because of baseball."

"I-...I just!" Derek backs away, Solomon follows, absentmindedly using magic to disable every bomb.

"You just what? We know you're from Illinois, but have some sense Derek." Solomon shakes his head. "You are the worst stereotype of Americans I've ever seen. I looked into your file. Your surname is literally Wisconsin."

Derek grunts. "You don't understand my passion. I'll kill everyone for those baseballers."

"You've killed several people after highjacking a bus in the Human Realm. You're a danger to yourself and others. Plus you've one too many jokes about teenage girls 'doing it better'. Bye bye Derek." Solomon gives him another closed eye smile, humming over the screaming and the sound of crackling flames.

When all is done and gone, the sorcerer takes out his DDD, alerting the others that it's been taken care of.

[Yet another Week Later...]

A flash of celestial light bounces off of every wall and surface in your room. You yelp, ivory wings and golden halo jutting out in your startledness. Did you do this? No. You couldn't have. Maybe subconsciously..? How were you going to explain a flash of celestial light to Lucifer? He was going to kill you! Maybe not kill just yet seeing how he reacted the first time you died. But! You were an angel now, which meant no more fragile human body, which meant Lucifer would hypothetically have no qualms stringing you up! Oh God this was it wasn´t it? You were going to-

The light dims, clearing completely, a silhouette appears in its wake. Phew! Guess it wasn't you nearly exorcising everyone in the House of Lamentation then. (Even though it wouldn't exorcise anyone anyway seeing as that wasn't how demons worked. But hey, you were disoriented.) Your relief was short lived, seeing as there was actually someone in your room.

You grab your lamp and hold it up like its a baseball bat. You were prepared to swing, what you weren't prepared for however; was the figure racing towards you. You screech as you're pulled into a bone-crushing hug. Your grip on the lamp relaxes and so do you when you realise just who it is.

"Michael?! What the fuck are you doing here?!" You hiss. "You scared the life out of me!"

Michael loosens his grip, his signature grin on his handsome face, crimson eyes shining. "I don't think you'd die that easily a second time. And besides, I have actual proper serious business this time."

You step out of the hug. Giving him an indignant look as he gets distracted with your room, he walks to your wall, stepping over the bag he brought with him and begins making what can only be described as his 'Lucifer Impression' in your mirror, which was essentially him scrunching up his face so he looked constipated then waggling his ring adorned finger in disapproval.

"You're here for serious reasons. You?"

"Well you didn't have to say it like that." Michael remarked, turning around to face you so fast you get whiplash, so does Michael apparently. His golden curls had been done up in intricate braids, with rose gold braiding rope helping to keep half of it up and away from his face, he'd added jewels and gems in charms hanging from the braids themselves, a fact he seemed to have forgotten until, with the force and speed he twisted his head at, his hair swung back and then forward again, hitting him right square in the mouth. You snorted.

He glares at you. "Don't laugh! Do you know how long I had to sit still for to get these?! 12 hours! I am so lucky I'm not tender-headed!"

"Holy fuck?! 12 hours?! And now they're attempting to assassinate you." You nod dutifully, "Atleast they're pretty."

"Pretty is the least they could be. Especially when Raphael almost poked my eye out when he was measuring the braiding rope. So not only is my hair trying to assassinate me, so is Raphael!" Michael said, sitting on your bed cross-legged, smoothing out the non-existent wrinkles in his white gold accented blazer suit that looked suspiciously similar to Lucifer's. Damn twins.

You paused. "Raphael does your hair?"

Michael smiles, "Oh yeah! It's his secret hobby! So don't tell anyone!" The Archangel closes his eyes, as if imagining an era long passed. "He saw me and Lucikins trying to do Lilith's hair once and was sold."

You don't comment on the dopey expression. Michael continues. "Raphael never liked playing most games. He's like Lucikins in that way. They both think they're so grown up....He was normally with Simeon writing their little short stories together, seeing as they're both the nerdiests nerds of all the nerds...but he did see the end result of me and Luci braiding flowers into Lilith's hair...we did it with Asmo too, to cheer him after he nearly fell through a cloud. Cue the next day, Raphael asking to do my hair. Being the amazing big brother I was- I accepted!" Michael makes a face. "I think that was the first time I felt true fear."

You laughed evilly. "I should do your hair sometime."

The way Michael looks at you is akin to a deer in headlights. "Absolutely not. One adorable maniac obsessed with spears doing my hair is enough for me thank you very much. I do not need two."

"What if Luke asked?" You tilt your head.

"Jokes on you MC! Luke already likes to do my hair! He puts clips and flowers and bows and all in it!" Michael sticks out his tongue.

"Oh I cannot wait to see that." You grin.

Michael gives you another look, with his ruby red eyes looking so disapprovingly, the resemblance between his younger brother, (by two whole minutes!; he'd add gloatingly at any other time) is uncanny.

You put your hands up defensively. Deciding changing the topic would be a good idea seeing as you would like to not die a second time, (technically a third if you count Belphie.) so, you tilt your head. "You never told me what you were actually doing here."

"Oh yeah!" Michael nods. "Thanks for reminding me." He moves to grab the bag from the center of the room where he appeared. You forgot about that bag.

"Michael I swear to God if you've put a live pigeon in there I'm going to scream." You whisper frightendly.

The Archangel arks his head up to you in a flash, wincing when a braid hits him across the mouth again. He raises an eyebrow. "No? Why would I have a pigeon?"

You sigh in relief. "I had a dream last night that Pigeons caused the Second Coming of Christ."

Michael chuckled. "Second Coming of Christ doesn't exist, MC. I just got bored while John of Patmos was writing the Book of Revelation. Thought it'd be nice to set up for a sequel."

You blink. "How are you not a demon?"

"I dunno. Didn't really feel like it at the time. The lack of sunlight in the Devildom makes me depressed. Plus I'd rather not take vitamin D pills, it seems like so much work." Michael shrugged.

Made sense. "So what's in the bag?"

Michael grins excitedly, if he had a tail it would be wagging like a helicopter and knocking everything in your room that wasn't nailed to the surfaces down. "Well! My most amazingest underling! Can you tell me what date it is?"

"June 5th?"

"Which as you know, is the eve of the best and worst day in history."

You raise a brow. "Best and worst?"

"Best because it's the day I was born, worst because 2 minutes later my lovely adorable little baby brother was born." He laughs.

"If Lucifer ever heard you calling him your lovely adorable little baby brother I think he'd start a war."

"How do you think the War of the Bucket started?"

"Excuse me?"

Michael doesn't answer any of your questions, and instead chooses to finally show what's in the bag. A gnome.

Not just any gnome oh no. One that looked suspiciously like it was made by the same person who made the suspiciously bad looking gnome that looked like Michael that Mammon would hide the spare key to the backdoor of the House of Lamentation behind.

This one however did not have Michael's dark skin, or the horrible neon yellow hair painted on. Oh no, this one had pale skin, another DnD-esque cape on, except with the vampire looking collar, it had black hair with shiny metalic silver streaks in it. So that was the gnome Michael was torturing.

You hold back your laughter. "...Why?..."

"It's a birthday gift MC, you know? the things people give to other people on their birthdays? I mean you look a bit dim, you might not've heard of it."

"Did you-" You try to hold back your cackling. "Did you use clay-" You nearly double over, suddenly your knees feel quite weak. "Did you use clay to...-make Lucifer's ears...-massive?-"

"Why yes I did, and thank you for noticing!"

"Kind of hard not to notice them."

Michael grins, "Wanna help me sneak it into his office?"

You perk up. "Do I ever?!"

Lucifer always finds himself quite melancholy on his birthday. Somehow the date always enjoys to remind him of his first brother. Not that he doesn't miss the idiots he lives with now. If he looks at Satan attempting to annoy him every waking hour in enough of a squint, it almost feels as if Michael is in the Devildom.

Speaking of; it really feels like Michael is in the Devildom today.

Lucifer shrugs it off. As it was his birthday he allowed himself a lie-in. Barbatos had eased his workload for the surrounding week, something Lucifer was quite grateful of.

Sighing, he walked slowly from the kitchen, coffee cup in hand; he might as well get his paperwork done now so he can spend the rest of the day with his loved ones before maybe he'd let Cerberus out of the underground tomb and into his room to sit by him whilst he listened to cursed records and enjoyed a finely aged bottle of demonus. (Not that Cerberus was a pet! Or that he was pampered! He was purely a guard dog! Stop suggesting otherwise Simeon, Barbatos, Diavolo and probably even Michael! Lucifer was not soft!)

The planning of what was essentially his day off was just prolonged enough that he was snapped out of his thoughts once he reached the door to his office.

Upon opening it, he wished he hadnt.

Atop his desk sits the most blasphemous rendition of him he's ever seen, that's including every lifetime christian movie that thinks he and Satan are the same person.

The gnome wasn't hand crafted but it was certainty hand-edited. It was an ugly thing, though, the more Lucifer looked at it, the more innocently charming it became, but in an ugly way.

He'd place it beside the Michael Gnome tonight, at least the ugly blasphemous gnome version of himself could be with his ugly blasphemous twin's gnome version of himself.

As he went to move it off of his desk, he noticed the note attached to the gnome's leg.

To my adorable little baby brother,

Lucifer's eye twitched. Had Michael still not learnt to call him that? Even after the War of the Bucket?! Even after the Emu War?! He was going to rip that Angel's head clean off.

You're so lucky to share a birthday with me! How unfortunate you were a late show, tut tut tut. Should've been born quicker, Lucikins. :o

Lucifer's wings and horns popped out. 'Lucikins?' That nickname again? Oh, Michael was a dead man.

I know you'll love my present. The gnome looks just like you! Though sadly, I ran out of clay so I couldn't make the ears any bigger.

Unconsciously, Lucifer reached up to cover his ears, but caught himself. Damned Michael! Their ears are literally the same size! He takes a deep breath.

Anyway, happy birthday my adorable, squishy cheeked, starry eyed, little baby brother! Maybe one day you'll grow up to be big and strong just like your big bro! Lots of Love to my baby brother: Michael xoxo

Lucifer felt rage course through his body at such a rate, he had to turn around to make sure he didn't pop out another Satan. Thank Diavolo he didn't. If he did, Michael was taking them home.

Fine. If Michael wanted to hide in the Devildom, call his ears big, and then insist that Lucifer was his 'baby brother' despite the fact he was barely even two minutes older!--then Lucifer wasn't going to sit idly by.

He takes his DDD out of his pocket. Cue the dramatic music.

"Hello, Luke? Can you pass the phone to Simeon please? Yes Thank you." Lucifer pauses, hearing rustling and then finally Simeon's voice on the other end of the DDD. "Hello Simeon. How would you like to travel with me to the Celestial Realm, I fear I haven't been in a while."

Simeon pauses. "...Why?..."

Lucifer swallows thickly, a smirk overtaking his features. "I'm planning on paying Michael a visit."

"He gave you another gnome didn't he?"

"...Okay. Goodbye Simeon."

"No way...He did!"

"Goodbye Simeon." By the time Lucifer hangs up, he can hear the angel laughing on the other end of the phone.

The Avatar of Pride sits down on his chair, covering his face in his hands he grinned. Oh he is so going to enjoy getting Michael back for this one.

And hey, if a few garden flamingos with golden wigs and DnD-esque capes are sighted around the celestial realm later on today. What a coincidence!

Lucifer chuckles heartily. He missed this.

Just as the Avatar of pride is resting, a knock sounds on his door.

"Come in." He sighs, eyes lighting up slightly when he sees that it's you. "Oh hello, Dearest."

You approach his desk, giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, smiling slightly when you feel his face heat up. "Happy birthday Luci...wanna come on a walk with me?"

"Sure. Let me grab my coat."

And so it goes.

After about twenty minutes of walking through the park hand in hand with Lucifer, you stop at a fountain. "Woah is that fish in there?"

"Hmm?" Lucifer looks over to you.

"Luci can you see fish in the fountain? I think my mind is playing tricks on me..."

Lucifer raises a brow, but always willing to please you, he looks into the fountain, some strands of ebony hair falling over his face at the movement.

"There aren't any fish, MC...I think you might need sleep-" Lucifer drawls as he begins to turn around to face you. Stopping abruptly when he sees you down on one knee, a ring in your hand.

"MC..." He says breathlessly, heart thumping out of his chest.

"Lucifer, the Morningstar, the Avatar of Pride...will you make me the happiest being in all three realms and marry me?"

"MC...I-...You...-...Yes, I'd carve the word into my flesh if I had to..."

You grin, tears welling up in your eyes as you take off Lucifer's glove and slide the ring onto his finger. He helps you up and pulls you into his arms. Face buried into your neck.

"This will mean that you're mine...just like our pact..." He smiles into your collarbone, placing small kisses here and there.

You laugh. "Sure, Luci sure."

Two lovers hold each other in a gentle embrace, witnessed only by themselves and the moon. No granduer, no dramatic announcement, just lying about fish in a fountain.

i cant write proposals BUT as a special birthday bonus: the gnomes.

i was originally just gonna do lucifer but they're twins so I had to do both of them.

in the original fic with the michael gnome i said he had neon hair but i have no idea how to neonify hair and am not an artist so L, have cursed gnomes.

as you can see i can colour inside the lines. and also i hate the fill tool.

before we start:

yes i am posting this on the 5th and i do know that Luci's birthday is the 6th, but i got this done early and have the patience of a child on christmas😔✊

yes derek and eric are dumb stereotypes. everyday im amazed that baseball is literally just rounders with a different name and more theatrics. anyway, i enjoy writing americans the way americans write us. i picked illinois because thats the first state that popped into my head, and also its easy to spell so.

im friends with like three people from canada and im scared of all of them.

anyway grma for reading and i promise the next fic i do for someones birthday i will actually include them in it more.😔✊<3

[cerastes]

I was wondering, are there any characters in Arknights that on the surface are jokesters, but anre actually immensely deep and powerful? I know about characters like Jaye and Nothing, but they aren’t particularly funny and casual. What I’m looking for is someone like Sans, basically.

"Nothing isn't particularly funny" oh we're just fundamentally different people then because I smile like a babe listening to jingling keys every time he's in the scene.

In the exact same regard as Sans, 1:1? Not really. Similar enough in some regards or in essence that they warrant mention? Yeah, I'd say so.

Aak is a good case, I'd say. Aak is a very casual guy, perhaps excessively so, referring to Doctor as "my dude" and in general having a very whimsical whistle to his steps, not to mention his seemingly jovial soul. Then you dig a bit deeper and you realize, well, despite the way he behaves, he takes what he does extremely seriously and is one of the most ruthless characters in the cast as a whole, in addition to being a medical sciences prodigy the likes of which Terra has seldom seen, and being infamous in the criminal underworld as a vigilante and executioner that has no qualms disposing of a mother fucker, if said fornicator of moms is a criminal and adversely affects others. See, the thing with Aak is that he, for the longest time, hated being so good at the medical sciences, because as he saw with his own twisted father, a brutal underworld doctor and criminal, curing illnesses doesn't begin to truly rid the common man of their suffering: There are always oppressors, abusers, those who selfishly make lives difficult for others for their own gain. Aak believes that to be a truly good "doctor", he needs to eliminate the root cause of the people's suffering: Criminals that will hurt them. Since his cooperation with Rhodes Island, his views have shifted a bit for the better (understanding people better, finding a good friend that shares his latent curiosity and love for the medical sciences and research in Warfarin), but it's still evident that Aak remains an unstable vat of fluoroantimonic acid waiting to bubble over, if the right trigger is present. He's not particularly powerful, with all his evaluations being "Normal" and "Standard", but his ruthlessness, his knowledge of the underworld, and his deep knowledge of medical sciences do make him quite dangerous despite "my dude"ing you.

Ceobe is the other one that comes to mind. Ceobe basically replicates the experience of having a big dumb loving dog, not just with Doctor, but with others as well, such as her canonical friends Vulcan and Sesa (Sesa being someone that also qualifies imo), and is in general a fun goober that livens up every scene she's in on virtue of, well, being a big dumb loving dog with all that entails: She WILL break into the kitchen even though she knows it's forbidden for her to do this, she WILL steal food, she WILL whimper and apologize, she WILL grow immensely defensive over her loved ones over things like "a loud vacuum cleaner" and WILL act over any perceived threat with maximum power; the entirety of Integrated Strategies 1, Ceobe's Fungimist, comes about because Ceobe gets high on hallucinogenic mushrooms she found in the jungle, and goes apeshit because she imagines this whole scenario where Villains have kidnapped Doctor and only she and whatever friends she can recruit on the way can save them, resulting in her beating the absolute shit out of numerous warrior tribes Dynasty Warriors style. Let's talk about that last part! She beat the absolute shit out of numerous warrior tribes Dynasty Warriors style while high as fuck on shrooms. She can do that! Because Ceobe is actually fucking shredded. Despite being a Funny Dog, Ceobe is a legitimately Arts genius, having no formal training and yet being able to use Arts with no problem, almost instinctively, as well as simply being able to harness pretty much any weapon she touches and empower them further with her Arts. Part of this is definitely because she's VERY Infected, but not even that explains just the sheer magnitude and expertise with which Ceobe seems to use her Arts. And speaking of? She dragged herself, across much of Terra, while incredibly Infected and with no care at all.

Ceobe, by all rights, should be dead. Not even the Medic Operator that wrote her medical file has a lot of faith, and her Oripathy is explicitly very grave and only getting worse. And even in this state, she dragged herself and the small arsenal strapped to her back across the world.

Her Physiological Endurance rank of Outstanding is no joke. Keep in mind, this is a rank equivalent to the toughest and most resilient characters we know of, such as Specter and Hoshiguma.

This is all stuff you'll only ever realize about Ceobe if you pay attention, because she's almost exclusively used for comedic relief, but the funny dog is actually a natural archmage and weaponmaster that just won't fucking die, if we were to use more fantasy adjacent terms for her.

There's more (like Sesa) but those two are the ones that jumped to mind.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

arson Neil, if you'd like. Happy Wednesday!!

WIP Wednesday (9/25) | Arsonist Neil / Firefighter Andrew AU (Part 240)

"He is not my boyfriend." Andrew laments.

"Then what? Lover? Partner? Gentleman caller?" Boyd asks. At Andrew's look, he shrugs. "We watched Golden Girls last night. What do you call your mystery man, Minyard?"

"I don't call him anything. We're not. We just... We talk." Andrew thinks his face is probably fire engine red. He could go downstairs and check if he wanted, but Kevin's shit-eating grin confirms it. "And yeah, it's for him. He's a fan of yours for some reason."

"Maybe because I'm an all-star professional Exy player—"

"Yeah, yeah. Maybe. Will you sign it or not?"

"Of course. Should I write a message? Who do I address it to?" Kevin asks, sliding the picture in front of him. Andrew blanks. He can't tell all these nosy fuckers that he doesn't know 10's name. And he's not going to have Kevin sign it to '10', that's ridiculous. After a few seconds, Andrew just huffs.

"I'm not telling any of you his name. Ever. Just sign it, Day."

Kevin pops the cap off the marker and holds his breath as he scrawls his signature along a bit of empty space. When he's through, he drops the marker and holds the picture up. Then blows the ink before passing it over to Andrew with a sigh. "I can't believe you're using me to impress a guy. You owe me."

"Kevin Day, I paid off every debt I'll ever owe you, with interest, back in college."

After a moment of consideration, Kevin nods. "You're probably right. Hey, tell your boyfriend—"

"He's not my boyfriend. I don't do boyfriends." Andrew reminds him. Kevin of all people shouldn't need to be reminded, but alas.

"Tell whoever he is that Kevin Day says "Happy Christmas". Maybe that will get the ball moving." Kevin says with a smile. Andrew doesn't need any balls moving— Er. He shakes his head.

"Whatever," Andrew says, snatching his now-autographed picture. He takes it and his plate with him downstairs to his car. He puts the photo in the passenger seat and glares at it until he's finished his lunch. 10 will like this. Andrew thinks he'll even get a frame for it. He wonders what color to get. Black, probably.

Yeah. That'll be fine. And it doesn't matter that much anyway. Because he and 10 are not dating. Andrew doesn't do boyfriends and 10 doesn't... do attraction at all. He's explained his life story to Andrew, in bits and pieces, and it's a long, sad one.

10's mother beat attraction out of him, that's what he said anyway. Andrew's not sure it's possible. Surely if it were, he wouldn't be attracted to men. But he's not here to debate anyone's sexuality. He's here for work. So he gets out of his car and heads back upstairs.