#We need at least SOME of that energy in our lives to drive us forward

[zarekthelordofthefries]

I don't claim to be a political expert but I do feel like there's probably nuance between "violent revolution is evil" and "if you don't support any and all attempts to burn everything down you're basically a conservative" like I dunno. Maybe not all revolution is the same. Maybe we need to be practical about how we apply violence rather than just feeding our egos with "it'd be nice to blow everything up and start from scratch." I don't think violence is good or evil, it's a tool that can be used to reduce or prevent harm in the world. It's a dangerous tool that should be used cautiously and deliberately, but we also can't afford to leave it unused up on the shelf.

[elminx]

Enery Update: Mars Retrograde 2024-2025

From December 6, 2024 to February 26, 2025, Mars will retrograde from 06° Leo to 17° Cancer. As this is a personal planet retrograde and it encapsulates most of our winter holiday season, it is a fairly long term aspect that we should all keep our eyes on.

The SetUp

Due to its position in our solar system (close to the Earth but past its position relative to the Sun), Mars is the planet that goes retrograde the least frequently, roughly every 26 months. Although we know that its backward motion is an illusion, astrology always views planets in their relationship to our home, the Earth. When a planet moves in retrograde motion, it retraces its steps through the horoscope wheel, repeating degrees that it has recently passed through. This creates an opportunity for a cosmic do-over as the world experiences these repeating degrees thrice: once when the planet enters its pre-retrograde shadow, a second time during the retrograde, and a third time after it stations direct once more in its post-retrograde shadow. This puts intense emphasis on these areas of life represented both by where it falls in the horoscope wheel and how it interacts with every person’s natal birth chart.

Mars is our planet of action. It is the planet that governs our drive and our energy levels. It rules the sign of Aries and the 1st house and co-rules the sign of Scorpio and the 8th house, along with the planet Pluto. We all have Mars placed somewhere in our charts. This placement shows what motivates us and how we go out and get what we want. Mars is also considered to be the Lesser Malefic in Traditional Astrology because it governs anger and strife. Mars needs a purpose – generally to move forward and accomplish a goal – or else it can easily become a bad actor.

When Mars moves in retrograde motion, it moves backward through the horoscope wheel. This is unfortunate as Mars prefers to gain and improve constantly. Retrograde planetary motion is all about looking back over the path that has been traveled and making the necessary changes to correct course. Some Mars placements (Virgo, for example) tend to be more comfortable with this than others. The big flex is to lean into the energy of this retrograde energy and work with it rather than against it.

As this Mars retrograde stretches from 06° Leo back to 17° Cancer, it crosses from a fixed sign back into a cardinal sign. Mixed sign retrogrades are more challenging to understand until you have a good grasp of astrology. What I want you to understand right now is that this retrograde will affect people with personal planets between 00-06° and people with personal planets between 17-29°.

This Mars retrograde will most strongly affect the following groups in the order written. Remembering, this is a compounding effect; the more categories you meet, the stronger the retrograde will be.

Those born with Mars from 00-06° Leo or 17-29° Cancer, and all Aries and Scorpio Sun, Moon, Ascendant, or Mars

Those with Mars in Cancer or Leo that do not meet the above degrees

Anyone with a personal planet (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars) from 00-06° Taurus or Scorpio (square) or Aquarius (opposition), or 17-29° Aries and Libra (square) or Aquarius (opposition)

Anyone with a person planet from 00-06° Aries or Sagittarius, or 17-29° Scorpio or Pisces (trine)

Anyone with a personal planet from 00-06° Gemini or Libra, or 17-29° Taurus or Virgo (sextile)

Anyone with Mars in the 1st House or Mars conjunct their Natal Sun

Keep in mind here that as a personal planet, Mars’ retrograde will impact everyone to a greater or lesser degree, and it will impact our daily lives as a collective as well. You can determine what area of life Mars will impact by looking at the retrograde and how it relates to your chart by sign, house, aspect, and degree.

The Nitty Gritty

I want to reiterate from the start that although traditional astrology says that retrogrades are Bad and Mars retrogrades, in particular, are bad, this is not a foregone conclusion. Retrogrades are a change in the energy output of the planet in motion, and it takes clever awareness to adapt and work with rather than against this energy. Mars retrogrades tend to be the most challenging for humans for one simple reason – humans are, on average, very adverse and reactive to change. Mars wants to charge forth and exert its will upon the world, whereas Mars’s retrograde moments tend to call for pauses and reflection before action.

It is to our advantage that this Mars retrograde coincides with Fallowtide and the retreating of the light. It is disadvantageous that it coincides with our greater holiday season with all of its rushing and potential family disputes.

There are some almost inevitable truths to a Mars retrograde cycle: anything that requires action (be it your job, physical exertions of all kinds, the court systems, etc.) will move much slower than average. There will inevitably be people who can’t handle this slow-down and will lean into emotional reactivity and violence. Along with Venus, Mars is one of our relationship planets, so its retrograde can lead to relationship issues and breakups. (it’s worth noting here that Venus will retrograde as well in the coming spring, which will exasperate relationship issues as these two retrograde cycles overlap with one another)

Mars retrograde cycles tend to illuminate the areas of our lives where we are not getting what we want. This may be because of misplaced goals or poorly thought-through strategies. Or, quite simply, life isn’t fair, and effort rarely equals payout. Mars retrogrades show us how we and our Others react when we are stymied. It may lead to pessimism or depression in those prone, especially as this cycle coincides with our dark season, so stay aware and practice the self-care necessary to weather this rough transit if necessary.

In particular, this retrograde cycle crosses from our fixed fire sign, Leo, backward into our cardinal water sign, Cancer. Immature Mars in Leo energy can be egotistic and self-serving; immature Mars in Cancer tends towards emotional manipulation to get what they want or need. These will be the two battles of this retrograde season. Immature Mars in Leo energy says, “I deserve this,” and immature Cancer energy says, “And I will do what I must to keep this.”

I intentionally use the word immature here because there is a mature form to both of these energies, and discovering this is part of Mars in retrograde energy. Mature Mars in Leo energy is “We ALL deserve this and I will work to make that happen,” and mature Cancer energy is “When we work together to accomplish our goals, we both win.” I also want to reiterate here that we all exhibit immature behaviors now and then, which doesn’t make us bad people. We are all imperfect human beings. The goal with retrogrades like this is to recognize when we are being immature or unfair to others, and to course correct.

As mentioned above, retrogrades all happen in three phases: the pre-retrograde shadow, the retrograde proper, and the post-retrograde shadow. This can explained through the silly analogy of falling in a hole:

Oh no, I fell into this hole! I didn’t know that it was there. There was no way of avoiding it! (pre-retrograde shadow)

Oh SHIT! Did I just fall into that same fucking hole? I should learn to avoid that. (retrograde)

(and hopefully) Oh hey – look at that hole! I don’t need to fall in that – I can walk around it. (post-retrograde shadow)

In this way, many people will face a lesson somewhere in their lives around the themes of the specific retrograde. Of course, whether they learn from it depends on many factors, such as general awareness, ability to think critically, and general maturity level. A person who isn’t willing to change will never get much from a retrograde cycle; on the other hand, someone who is open and willing to look critically at themselves and their own actions may gain a great deal.

Mars makes several aspects to our outer planets, the lunar nodes, and our asteroid Chiron, which shows that this will likely be an especially momentous retrograde for many. During this journey, Mars in Cancer will sextile Uranus in Taurus, trine Neptune in Pisces, and square Chiron thrice and trine Saturn in Pisces twice. Additionally, Mars will oppose Pluto thrice (once in Cancer and twice in Leo) and trine the North Node thrice (twice in Leo and once in Cancer).

This switchover between signs is especially important here. While Mars is moving backward between Cancer and Leo, Pluto is entering Aquarius for good, and our lunar nodes are switching from the Aries-Libra axis to Pisces-Virgo. This is part of a greater story evolving throughout 2025 as both Neptune and Uranus will also change signs. We can see that the cosmic pause of this Mars retrograde is likely necessary because everyone on Earth is undergoing a drastic shift in energy. We need the space to realign, even if it doesn’t fit our perfectly crafted 5-year plan.

If you aren’t where you thought you’d be during this Mars retrograde, know you are right on time. Pay attention to what is going on around you and discern if perhaps it is where you are meant to be and you just haven’t realized it yet.

Some big changes may be in order; there is no denying that. But holding on (the immature Mars in the Cancer specialty) doesn’t really keep things the same, even when we want it to.

If you want to do magic to help with this retrograde, I would encourage work around Pathfinding and Discernment. When the roads fade away, you may need to pave your own or hedge-trim your way through life until the way becomes clear.

The Details

10/04 – Mars enters its pre-retrograde shadow 17° Cancer 10/06 – Mercury in Libra square Mars in Cancer 10/08 – Venus in Scorpio trine Mars in Cancer 10/13 – Mars in Cancer trine Chiron in Aries (1) 10/14 – Sun in Libra square Mars in Cancer 10/25 – Mars in Cancer sextile Uranus in Taurus (1) 10/28 – Mars in Cancer trine retrograde Neptune in Pisces (1) 11/2 – Mercury in Scorpio trine Mars in Cancer 11/3 – Mars enters Leo, Mars in Leo opposed Pluto in Aquarius (1) 11/17 – Mars in Leo trine North Node in Aries (1) 11/27 – Sun in Sagittarius trine Mars in Leo 12/06 – Mars retrogrades 06° Leo 12/12 – Venus in Aquarius opposed retrograde Mars in Leo 01/02/25 – retrograde Mars in Leo trine North Node in Aries (2) 01/03 – retrograde Mars in Leo opposed Pluto in Aquarius (2) 01/06 – retrograde Mars enters Cancer 01/12 – retrograde Mars trine Neptune in Pisces (2) 01/15 – Sun in Capricorn opposed retrograde Mars in Cancer 01/23 -Mercury in Capricorn opposed retrograde Mars in Cancer, retrograde Mars sextile Uranus in Taurus (2) 01/25 – Venus in Pisces trine retrograde Mars in Cancer 2/3 – retrograde Mars in Cancer square Chiron in Aries (2) 2/9 – retrograde Mars in Cancer trine Saturn in Pisces (1) 2/23 – Mars stations direct 17° Cancer, Mercury in Pisces trine Mars in Cancer 2/26 – Mars in Cancer square Chiron in Aries (3) 3/08 – Sun in Pisces trine Mars in Cancer 4/4 – Mars in Cancer sextile Uranus in Taurus (3), Mars in Cancer trine Saturn in Pisces (2) 4/6 – retrograde Venus in Pisces trine Mars in Cancer 4/8 – Mars in Cancer trine North Node in Pisces (3) 4/18 – Mars enters Leo 4/19 – Mars in Leo trine Neptune in Aries (3) 4/20 – Sun in Taurus square Mars in Leo 4/26 – Mars in Leo opposed Pluto in Aquarius (03) 5/02 – Mars exits its post-retrograde shadow 06 Leo

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[clangenrising]

Month 3 - Newleaf

Prev | First | Next

Goldenstar stalked along the EarthClan border, mouth open to scent the air as she searched for the next border mark. Pantherhaze and Russetfrond padded behind her, discussing twoleg traps. 

“What do you think they’re trying to catch?” Pantherhaze asked, “Prey? Us?” 

“Maybe,” Russetfrond hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe they want our territory.”

“They wouldn’t have to trap us like that to take the territory,” Goldenstar huffed, lifting her head to look back at them. “They’d only need to set their monsters on us and we’d have to run.” 

Russetfrond huffed right back, frowning. “You’d just let them?” One ear twitched, annoyed, and Goldenstar raised one brow at his tone. 

“What would we do to stop them?” she shot back, “rub up against their legs like kittypets and beg them to leave?” Russetfrond’s hackles rolled irritably and Pantherhaze glanced back and forth between them with a sudden nervous energy. 

“It’s not worth fighting, guys,” he tried but Russetfrond continued.

“We could get all the Clans together,” he said, “drive them back by the will of StarClan.” 

Goldenstar let out a short, harsh laugh. Yeah, like StarClan’s will alone could stop them. Scorch came to her mind, and she had to focus on the conversation at hand to avoid drifting away into thoughts of the things Smokyrose had told her on the rogue’s behalf. 

“Don’t be stupid,” she said, picking up their pace again. “You’ve seen what a monster can do to a cat without even thinking, we wouldn’t stand a chance if they were hunting us.” That seemed to be enough to shut Russetfrond’s mouth. Good, thought Goldenstar, I’d hate to have to pull rank or something. They continued on for a little while, winding along the border and remarking it when needed. 

Her mind began to wander back to Scorch. The concerns she had voiced had troubled Goldenstar, to tell the truth. The worst part was that they all made sense. Now that she had been made aware of them, she wasn’t sure if she could continue living her life as she did. Sometimes, she had found, knowledge was more burden than blessing.

“Heads up,” Pantherhaze suddenly hissed and Goldenstar’s ears flicked forward, her gaze snapping back from the fog they had fallen into. Coming over the crest of the next hill, on the EarthClan side of the border was a small patrol. Goldenstar smiled as she recognized Orangestar’s bright pelt weaving through the grass beside her new apprentice, Toadpaw. Goldenstar raised her tail to greet them and Orangestar did the same. The patrols met halfway and Goldenstar smiled at her friend. 

“Oragnestar,” she purred, “good to see you! Prey running well?” 

The ginger she-cat purred in reply, feathery tail swishing back and forth. “Yes, what about you?” Beside her, Toadpaw stepped anxiously from foot to foot, a grimace on his face. Goldenstar hoped she wasn’t the source of his nerves. 

“Likewise,” she nodded. “Although I could do with a bit more rain, if I’m being honest.” 

The last member of the EarthClan patrol, a fluffy white queen named Bogmist, spoke up, posture calm. “Stormwhisper says we shouldn’t have to wait long. Next moon should bring plenty of rain.” 

“Good to know!” Pantherhaze grinned. Russetfrond flicked his tail, less enthused. 

A thought struck Goldenstar. “Uh, Orangestar!” she said without thinking, causing Toadpaw to flinch and Orangestar to blink and then chuckle. 

“Goldenstar!” she joked in kind. 

Goldenstar blushed and licked her whiskers. “Sorry,” she laughed, “but um, would you mind talking with me for a moment? I have some thoughts I’d love to get your opinion on.” 

“Really?” asked Orangestar, blinking in surprise again. As the youngest and least experienced leader, she must not have considered that someone almost two years older than her would want her advice. “Um, sure! O-of course!” She turned to Bogmist and added, “Do you think you and Toadpaw could finish the patrol without me?” 

“Sure,” Bogmist smiled and bumped her head against Orangestar’s shoulder. “Come on, Toadpaw.” The apprentice stayed rooted to the spot for a moment, seemingly loathe to leave his mentor behind, but eventually ducked his head and slunk after the warrior. Goldenstar caught a nervous glance back at her and the other RisingClanners.  

“I’ll catch up with you guys at camp,” she said to her warriors. Pantherhaze nodded dutifully and Russetfrond puffed a bit at the chance to take charge of the patrol. 

He flicked his tail across the small black cat’s side and headed off. “Let’s go, Pantherhaze, we’re already behind as it is.” 

Pantherhaze blushed and bounded to catch up with him. “S-sure thing, Russetfrond!” Goldenstar watched them go with a bit of a chuckle, before returning her attention to the expectant smile on Orangestar’s face. 

“So, what did you want to talk about?” asked the younger cat, brimming with curiosity. 

“It’s a bit of a long story,” Goldenstar admitted bashfully. “See, we took in a rogue last moon-”

“A rogue?” Orangestar cut in, shocked, “Really?” 

“Yeah,” said Goldenstar, sitting down. “Her name is Scorch and she’s been considering sticking around.” That wasn’t exactly true. More like Goldenstar had been trying to convince her to stay. Orangestar settled down on her side of the border, mouth agape. “But she’s got some… concerns with the way we do things. Smokyrose has helped her bring them to my attention and now I’m… not sure what to do.” 

“What kind of concerns?” asked Orangestar.

Goldenstar chuckled. “She says we’re a cult.” 

“A cult?! That’s ridiculous!” Orangestar curled her tail firmly over her paws and shook her head. 

“Maybe,” Goldenstar said, less sure. “She says we remind her of other groups that were… designed to keep the cats inside them from leaving. I figured I ought to hear her out.” 

“I suppose…” said Orangestar, ears flattening like an apprentice being scolded for a foolhardy battle tactic. 

“Like, she says the way we talk about StarClan - like they’re the be-all, end-all - rubs her wrong. She thinks Sagetooth and I just claim to talk to them in order to gain power.” 

“Okay, but that is ridiculous,” Orangestar said. “We both know exactly how real they are.” 

“True,” Goldenstar ran a paw over her forehead, remembering the burning sensation she had felt when Sunstar’s nose had touched it and her ninth life had flooded through her blood like fire. 

That life had been for curiosity. Never stop asking questions, Sunstar had said. You will never know everything and accepting that is the first step to being a good leader. No one knows everything, not even me. Not even StarClan. The words had gone unsaid, but Goldenstar knew her mentor well enough to see them in her eyes.

“But StarClan are just cats,” she continued. “Just like us. Maybe we do abuse their name sometimes. I mean, how often does invoking StarClan end an argument? Isn’t it concerning that if we wanted to, we could just pretend they agreed with whatever we already wanted to do?” 

Orangestar winced. “Yeah… I guess that’s a good point…” 

“She says the fact that cats change their names when they join a Clan is manipulative too,” Goldenstar continued, finally letting all of these thoughts spill out of her. “Says that the way we talk about kittypets, that we don’t really talk to anyone outside of our own Clans, it’s all designed to keep us from seeing new ideas or deciding to leave.” 

Orangestar’s ears were back against her head again. “What else are we supposed to do?” She asked, anxious frustration pulling at her voice. “Go be kittypets?” 

“No, I don’t think so but… I think maybe we shouldn’t run them off on sight. Maybe she’s got a point, maybe we should… listen to them, see what they can teach us.” 

Orangestar shook her head. “I don’t know… Our laws keep us strong. Without them, the Clans would fall, wouldn’t they?” 

“We don’t know that,” said Goldenstar, “We don’t know anything except what we’ve already tried.” 

“It sounds to me like you’ve already made a decision,” frowned Orangestar and Goldenstar’s stomach sank when she realized her friend was right. 

“I guess so…” she sighed. “Thanks for letting me ramble anyways. I hope you’ll think about what I said though.” 

Orangestar stood, paws shuffling awkwardly. “Yeah… I’ll bring it up with Stormwhisper at least.” 

“Thanks,” said Goldenstar, rising to her feet as well. “I’ll see you around.” 

“Sure thing,” Orangestar nodded, seeming distant, and turned to head after her patrol. Goldenstar sighed. That could have gone better. Perhaps she was talking to the wrong person. Heading home, she resolved to ask Sagetooth about a trip to the River of Stars.

[she-karev]

Pregnancy Reveal (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev’s Sister)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: One of One

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

Canon Episode: Season 18 episode 19

AN: Hey guys I know I’ve been posting less and that’s because I started Fall classes so I’m super busy. I’ll try to post one shots for holidays and major events so here you go. Like and reblog below and let me know what you think.

Summary: Andrew and Amber get through the day they are supposed to donate blood as the residency program is reviewed. Before she donates Amber realizes she’s late and takes a pregnancy test.

Words: 3772

March 7th, 2022

Amber drives the car into the parking spot with her husband Andrew DeLuca in the passenger side yawning. She shares his exhaustion as they were both up late last night trying to get pregnant. At first the dates were fun and playful but then they both settled for plain quickies as their schedules have gotten crazier with the accreditation council review of the residency program pending. Having your job possibly taken away from you by a bunch of suits makes Amber want good news as soon as possible.

Andrew rubs his eyes, “Are you nervous?”

Amber blows a raspberry at that, “Well I might get fired from the job I have worked my whole life to get fair and square, there’s a nationwide physician shortage not to mention a blood shortage. On a scale of one to ten I’d say I’m at a 12 on the stress scale.”

Andrew holds her hand kissing her knuckles to comfort her, “There are other programs in Seattle or maybe we can look for some out of town. I’m an attending I can get any job I want, it’s the one perk to a physician shortage. Maybe NYU has some openings, it is your alma mater and your Cousin Jen lives there.”

Amber gags in disgust, “I hate New York. It’s stuffy, it’s filthy, the coffee is always burned, and we’ll be lucky to get a 2 bedroom that’s as large as our walk-in closet. It’s not a great place to raise a family. Trust me my cousin would agree with me.”

“Boston?” Andrew offers again, “Avery is running the foundation, and he loves you as much as Alex maybe he can call in a favor for both of us.”

“Right now, I just want to donate blood and not think about what happens if I lose my job. Also, I want to hang out with my good friends I haven’t seen in over a year, that’ll be a plus. It’s not a plus that he’s visiting because his mother’s cancer is back but I’m trying to find silver linings.”

“Better late than never.” Andrew jokes with a grin, “Well hey maybe after we donate blood, we can scurry off to the on-call room and try to get pregnant again.”

“If I have enough energy once I eat my cookie and orange juice, I’ll think about it. Maybe some coffee before will make me eager to try again. We should head inside before we’re late or Bailey is gonna kill us.”

“Yeah I’ll see you inside.”

Andrew and Amber exit the car and go their separate ways to their respective lounges with both tired due to not drinking coffee so they can donate blood. Link sees Andrew and walks by his side pushing his son Scout forward in his stroller.

“Morning.”

“Morning.” Andrew says tiredly.

“Wow you look wrecked, I guess you skipped coffee to donate too.” Andrew nods confirming, “Do you want to go to Vivace after and have expresso for brunch?”

“Oh, that sounds amazing.” Andrew says longing his caffeine, “I’m gonna need at least four shots, minimum and so is Amber.”

“Bad night of sleep for you guys?”

“No, we’re just still trying to get pregnant, it is exhausting.”

“Oh.” Link says sarcastically, “Well poor you having constant sex with your gorgeous wife. You should take a day off, take a break.”

Andrew chuckles lightly, “Okay fair enough but it turns out the fun of trying to have a baby diminishes with every attempt. I mean don’t get me wrong the sex is adequate it’s just the romance dies and all you want to do is just show up and get it over with.”

“So basically, you guys are already turning into parents?”

“Basically.” Andrew confirms before they go through the entrance.

Later

Amber walks down the hall to head to the resident’s lounge until a familiar voice calls out to her.

“Amber!” She turns to find the happy greeting coming from April Kepner who smiles at her before approaching her.

“Hey, wow look at you.” Amber is referring to April’s slight bump over her blouse showing off that she’s three months pregnant with her and Jackson’s third baby, “Is it cliché if I say your glowing?”

“I’ve only heard it about five times since I landed in the airstrip but if you have any other compliments I will take it.”

“Uh your well rounded with child.” April chuckles with her before they hug and pull apart after a moment, “Where’s the rest of the Avery Clan?”

“Jackson is with his mom and so is Harriet. Catherine wants to hear his eulogy for her funeral even though she is still kicking.”

“It sounds fun.” Amber says with a grin, “How’s the baby?”

April rubs her small bump, “He’s good, ultrasound is great, he’s extremely healthy on all the tests which to me is a god given miracle. If only I’d have another miracle and not experience the morning sickness and the tiredness and the crankiness that came with my last pregnancies.”

“Oof.” Amber exhales in sympathy, “I cannot imagine how I am gonna be for those nine months. I’d probably be an inspiration for the next horror film and Andrew would need a riot shield.”

“Any luck?”

“No not yet, we’re still in the conception phase.”

April grins mischievously, “Well it is the most romantic and fun phase.”

“Yeah not really.” Amber admits bluntly, “I mean don’t get me wrong he’s great and he takes care of me after it’s just that after a while the romance dies and I can’t stand to be around my husband.”

April snickers, “Your out of the honeymoon phase and you’re like every married couple I know. I gotta say it was about damn time because you two in eternal bliss was getting annoying especially to me.”

“I am gonna chalk that up to the hormones.” Amber checks the clock, “I’m sorry I really gotta get going, we’ll catch up later?”

“Yeah of course, maybe we can double date tonight, triple if Alex and Jo are in.”

“I’ll check with them and get back to you, bye.” Amber walks away from Jo and heads to the residency lounge to get ready for the day to donate blood before she hears about the fate of her career.

Later

Amber and Dahlia Qadri are standing in the corner of the pit filling out forms to donate blood. Both residents are stressed about the accreditation council visiting them and feel the task of donating might lessen it.

“You know a few months ago I would find donating blood a little bit scary.” Dahlia confesses as she writes down, “I mean it’s not the blood that scares me it’s the needle in my arm I’m afraid will pierce a nerve or an artery. I read this story 2 years ago about this woman who couldn’t feel her arm after donating blood. Apparently, the phlebotomist hit a major vein instead of the artery and now a 19-year-old can’t use one of her arms.”

“So what changed your mind?” Amber asks, busy filling out her form.

“Blood shortage from covid, and physician shortage not to mention the outdated guidelines that can easily be overruled allowing more people to donate but they can’t, so I have to step in. Plus, I might not need an arm to pick up a scalpel if the council shuts us down.”

Amber chuckles, “Wow and I thought I was dark. On the bright side if your vein is stabbed you might get more cookies and juice.”

“How are you so calm? I mean out of the two of us you would be the one to get strung out about losing their job. I’m not insulting it’s just from years of knowing you.”

“Yeah, and I would go over every scenario in my head of what the outcome of today will be but I’ve learned from years of therapy not to let my anxieties overcome me. Plus, I’m pretty busy in my personal life to focus on my professional. It turns out trying to have a baby is a great distraction from the turmoil of your life.”

Dahlia chuckles at that with Amber raising an eyebrow, “I’m sorry I am still trying to process the fact that you eagerly want to have kids. I mean intern year you could barely hold a baby without making it cry and you always referred to those tiny humans as Chestbursters like you were in some alien horror flick. But now your every kid’s favorite aunt, you declared peds a specialty and to top it off you actually want to get pregnant by choice. I mean you know what happens right?”

Amber rolls her eyes as her friend continues, “Theres the swollen ankles, no more six pack abs or beer, pickle cravings and you know what happens to your vagina at the nine-month mark right?”

Amber smiles at that, “Okay one I can get my six pack back, two I love pickles and three yes I know what happens during childbirth my friend and I will be there for it every step of the way. I have a strong pain threshold so I think I can handle birthing a child.”

“I’ll tell the residents to steer clear of your room, or as it will be called, the house of horrors.”

Amber chuckles before walking away with the clipboard to go to her husband who is leaning with his back at the wall out in the hallway. She sees him yawning as he writes down his information on the clipboard to donate.

She grins at him leaning back next to him against the wall, “Wow and I thought I was in rough shape.”

“Yeah, this is the longest I’ve ever gone without my coffee. I am eager for the needle in my arm because it’s less painful than how I feel right now.”

Amber pouts rubbing Andrew’s arm, “Well just think about your private reward in the on-call room right after, I have been told by many guys I am the best remedy.”

“What guys? How many are we talking?”

Amber chuckles at Andrew’s jealous tone, “Relax I just wanted to get your heartrate up so you don’t faint on me. How about I write down your information? I can read it a lot faster than you.”

Andrew knows this to be true due to Amber developing speed reading from her years hanging out at the public library. It’s a skill he wishes he had but for now is grateful that she does as he eagerly hands her his clipboard.

“Baby you are a godsend.”

“I know.” Amber smiles flattered taking the paper, she reads it and something catches her off guard, “Wait that’s the date? I thought it was the 2nd.”

“Nope it’s the 7th, you were working in the hospital for three days straight and went into a mini coma three days after.” He sees her eyes widen at that clicking her pen that he knows is her nervous tic, “Hey, what is it? What’s wrong?”

“…I’m late.”

“Late for what?” Amber glares at him making a quizzical you-know-what look that makes his eyes widen as he realizes she is talking about her period, “…Oh.”

Andrew is surprised at this sudden development standing there in the hallway looking at his wife whose glare turns to staring. Amber gulps at this news standing there with her husband who looks shocked as well, neither of them not knowing what to do at this very moment.

Later

“Okay I got a test and don’t worry nobody saw me.” Andrew tells Amber who is in the resident’s lounge sitting on the bench drinking her water bottle. He pulls the box out of his coat, “I figured you wanted this to be private until we get confirmation or not. It’s better to know before donating blood and harming the baby without knowing it.”

Amber nods and sips her water bottle with a stern face that Andrew knows too well, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Amber chuckles darkly, “Uh let’s see there’s a blood shortage, a physician shortage, we’re hardly home because the backlogs insane, not to mention I might be out of a job. And that’s just off the top of my head of what is wrong.”

Andrew understands her argument but knows he needs to mend it, “We both agreed there’s never gonna be a good time to have a baby especially now but we decided to get pregnant anyway because we wanted a family.”

“I know.” Amber stands up and sighs, “I know we decided to have a baby and I do want one with you it’s just that the timing and everything. Curse the timing!”

“Everything is gonna be fine.” Andrew says soothing holding Amber by her shoulders as she keeps a frown, “The program is still being reviewed, as long as everything goes well your job is safe.”

“That is not reassuring me at all.” Amber retorts due to the hospitals bad luck, “Do you have any idea how expensive kids are? The diapers, the toys, the furniture, they practically come with their own economy crisis. If I lose my job we lose money for that and my kid will be just as nurtured as I was and that should freak you out!”

“Okay babe I need to remind you that this kid is not a daughter of a neglectful schizophrenic and abusive addict. She is ours, and regardless of what is happening we will be fine. We have savings and if you need to you will find a new job. The one upside to a physician shortage is that everyone is hiring doctors. No matter what happens if we are pregnant, we will give this baby a better childhood than the one you got. I promise okay?”

Amber inhales slowly feeling better after this speech knowing that its true. Even if the residency program shuts down her baby will still be better off than Amber ever was. She looks at the box in Andrew’s hands before taking it.

“Do you always have to be so perfect?”

Andrew chuckles lightly at that, “You call it perfect; I call it being a husband. So pee on the stick so we can get an answer once and for all.” Amber chugs her water before going to the bathroom to do as suggested.

The next five minutes pass by slowly for the couple who are still in the lounge waiting for the results. Amber is pacing the room back and forth tapping her phone nervously while Andrew is sitting at the bench looking at her in worry as a dark question blooms in his head that he blurts out.

“Are you having second thoughts?”

Amber pauses and faces her husband with a conflicted look, “I’ve convinced myself for years that I wasn’t or ever will be mom material. I mean you met my family so you saw how that environment made me scared I would repeat their mistakes…but you convinced me that we are not our parents. And if history serves you’ve been right on most occasions and hopefully on this one too.”

Andrew nods feeling better before Amber says something else, “But I am still terrified of what happens if that stick is positive.”

Andrew nods at that, “I share the same feeling trust me. I mean my father didn’t exactly give me any pointers on how to raise a family either.”

“Okay I’ll give you that one.” Amber inhales and exhales before shifting into peacemaker mode so Andrew can feel better, “But we’ll figure it out.”

“We will figure it out.” Andrew repeats just as the timer beeps in Amber’s hands. The couple look at each other nervous knowing what that means, “Results are in.”

Amber goes to the bathroom where she left the pregnancy test on the counter. She closes her eyes and takes a deep inhale before opening them. The two sticks on the test catch her off guard as she is aware of what this means. She picks up the stick and numbly walks over to Andrew who is sitting on the bench anxious looking up at her holding the stick up.

“I’m pregnant.”

Her husband looks frozen in shock for a moment before standing up and grabbing the stick to confirm it in front of his eyes. He looks at her with wide eyes that she shares as the news is still daunting to her.

A grin starts to form on his face as the shock dies and joy enters, “We’re having a baby?”

Amber begins to grin as well. A part of her was worried she would feel regret once she was positive but instead she feels happy to finally have a family with the man she loves. She is finally overcoming her fear and being the mother she never had.

“We’re having a baby.” Amber confirms with a smile that Andrew shares before hugging her tightly laughing in joy. Amber laughs at his reaction hugging him back, “Okay as adorable as this is I don’t have to tell you squeezing me isn’t good for my current state.”

“Right sorry.” He immediately pulls back still holding her by her hips, “I’m just…overjoyed. I mean to do this with you, it’s everything I never knew I wanted.”

Amber grins tenderly at him gripping his shoulder, “Me too.”

That Night

“Kids are playing, I promised them if they behaved, they would each get two scoops of ice cream so I hope your packing.” April tells the gang in Alex and Jo’s kitchen where they are eating from a charcuterie board and drinking wine.

Alex and Jo are sitting at the table across from Amber and Andrew with the young resident reeling from the news that the residency program was shut down effective immediately. Maya Bishop and her wife Carina DeLuca are also in the room sitting on the barstools by the counter after Andrew invites them over to celebrate once news of Carina’s citizenship came through.

Alex answers April, “We got enough ice cream to feed a party so I think we’re good. As long as your husband got us some of his expensive whiskey.”

“It’s scotch actually.”

Jackson is by the counter untying himself feeling suffocated in the suit before pouring himself a glass of whiskey he brought from Boston feeling like they would have a reason to drink. He upcaps the bottle sniffing the rich aroma from the cap.

“Ah notes of baked apple, oak and despair. Perfect.” He pours himself a glass before pouring two glasses and hands them to the Bishop-DeLuca’s who gladly take them.

“Congrats on the green card, news like that deserves good scotch so this is my gift to you.”

Maya chuckles looking at the drink skeptical, “There’s good scotch?”

“With Avery there is because unlike the rest of us mortals he can afford it.” Amber answers with a mocking grin.

“I missed you too buddy.” Jackson responds back to his good friend before sipping his drink, “And sorry that I couldn’t save the program. I would have gotten you a whole case of expensive whiskey of your choice but even I have a budget.”

Amber sighs, “You know what it’s fine, I’m healthy, I’m alive and the world didn’t blow up. Despite what happened I would call that a win.”

April looks at her friend sympathetic, “Well don’t worry Jackson is gonna help with restarting the program, same with Meredith and Bailey when she gets back from sabbatical.”

“And I’ll help too.” Alex states, “This program deserves better than to be shut down by someone who spent only one day observing it.”

“Amen.” Jackson agrees as he feels fond of his residential years, “So what are you gonna do with yourself until then? Maybe I can pull strings and get you into Seattle Pres.”

“Or you can join me and Carina in OB.” Jo offers as well with a grin, “I know it’s not ideal, but it might just bring you some joy like it brought me joy too.”

Amber grins at them trying to cheer her up, “Um I don’t know I’m still debating whether I should volunteer at the stations clinic tomorrow or go to one of those places where you pay to smash stuff with a hammer.”

“I tried that it doesn’t work.” April states causing the Karev’s to look at her startled that a sweet person like her would go to a rage room, “What? You’re not the only ones who feel unbridled fury at the world and it’s broken systems.”

“Remind me not to piss you off again.” Alex jokes before turning to Maya and Carina, “Congratulations on being an official citizen of this messed up country. At least one good thing happened today.”

“Thank you.” Maya says sipping her drink with Carina, “It would be better if the pregnancy test was positive but at least my wife can stay in this country long enough for us to try again.”

Andrew and Amber hold hands at this news knowing how much Maya and Carina want a baby. They also cherish the little life that is now growing inside Amber hoping that being aunts will fill the void of longing parenthood for the couple somehow.

“That’s right.” Carina sips her drink as well taken back by the rich liquor, “Wow that is good.”

“Yep.” Jackson pours another glass and holds it out to Amber who is sitting at the booth next to Andrew, “Here it’s the perfect drink for celebrating becoming legal citizens and dwelling on unemployment come on.”

Amber immediately shakes her head, “Nope I can’t.”

“Come on it’s your favorite, if there’s one thing, I’m good for it’s expensive alcohol I think we both agree to that.”

“I can’t drink because I am pregnant.” Amber confesses with a smile while Andrew grins behind her at the shocked faces of the others. Soon they are met with smiles and joyful laughs especially from Maya and Carina who congratulate them along with Alex and Jo. April hugs Amber congratulating her sharing the feeling as she is also pregnant with Jackson’s child.

Jackson chuckles delighted by this news shaking Andrew’s hand and kissing Amber’s cheek happy that his best friend is pregnant like she wanted. He turns back to April kissing her and caressing her 3 month pregnant belly that she welcomes holding his hand while he does.

Amber and Andrew are sitting at the table flattered by the attention as they hold hands and enjoy this moment excited to start this next chapter in their lives.

[astrology-with-charu]

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗪𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝟭𝟴/𝟭𝟵 𝗔𝘂𝗴𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟰 𝗔𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝘆 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝗼𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗽𝗲

𝗗𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗻

We have this week Mars in Conjuncton with Jupiter squared by Saturn around 16-17º of Gemini - the actional degrees of our minds, where instincts are converted into concrete ideas and external experiences. We are still in first half of Mercury retrograde so it might seem our mind is very much focused on analysis of the past and analysing our old patterns of thinking. We are living in the basement of our mind while being asked to socialise our ideas or at the very least externally put them down on a paper or even visualise how we would like to experience them in physical world. We might need to live like two people in this duality of Mars in Gemini and Mercury retrograde in Virgo to Leo this week, whereby we continue to act on whatever “facts” are available to us as of now, being out with the people of our life while we rethinking how to synthesize and organise whats coming at us in spades. This can feel very bipolar, very much going from dark to light & light to dark, optimism to pessimism, expansion to constrain, introvert to extrovert - quick flips between our two parts. Seems action is more efficient - just doing it objectively seems to bring out somehow our instincts in concrete form, writing helps, journaling helps, putting ideas on a paper helps, moving helps, working out helps, being physically active settles us in weird ways, meeting people as reluctant we might feel especially old colleagues, friends, people who were useful instrumental in our life at one point - it all seems reluctant to do but it helps as its all giving us the signals we need which our own brain is not giving us. Doesn’t mean we are getting colored by their opinion but they are a catalyst in some ways, its not a lets sit at home and think deeply kind of mercury retrograde. Just try to hold your words a bit when interacting this week as Saturn wants us to conserve energy as we spend it - yes I know it’s like driving with brakes on but less is more. Listen more versus speaking. In listening to another you will understand yourself more too. Choices get narrowed as we move forward in this way and our self expression is matured in ways we couldn’t have done any other way. We are learning when to speak and when to stay quiet in a social situation and relationship. We are learning the art of focus when we narrow our wondering mind down to the “right” or productive choices of our life. Self expression can be wild, it can go in many useless directions and interactions, Saturn wants us to narrow it down in style, in people who we spend our energy and words on and pursuits which will yield us the results versus being the Neptunian lets flow and may be go nowhere style. We did all that - this imbalance is not for Virgo season ahead. Sit within yourself even if you are in a crowd and do not avoid people cause there will be temptation to. People will be catalyst of ideas.

This is second go at Yod activation with Mercury at 29º Leo and 0º Virgo being inconjunct with Neptune and Pluto. Flexibility is called for in inconjunction. It’s a detour which will change the destination, seems like a waste of time but it would change your mind and approach taking you to a direction you originally didn’t even think of especially if you have planets or points touched by this Yod - around 29º Leo/0º Virgo, 0º Aquarius, 29º Pisces and of course the activation point ~29º Aquarius. The upcoming full moon of 19 August brings the activation of this Yod being close to this activation point, happening at 27º Aquarius. Be ready for stubborn parts of your life to be changed - stay flexible as you would be taken a bit out of your comfort zone here especially as this full moon is a fixed T-square with Uranus as apex - sudden turn of events with the weekend ahead. Right now we mentally prepare for it through trying to create concrete ideas and expressions of what seems like our instincts, our higher intelligence as we receive ideas, thoughts which do not seem ours yet need to be somehow be made ours or be worked on as ours in future. The distance you find between those ideas and your current reality is mental - its a mind distance which needs to be travelled and other people, their openness sometimes or even resistance to it (through friction) can act as a catalyst to cover that distance between where you are where instincts are telling you, that you should be. Some of this distance needs to be travelled physically by going somewhere, meeting someone, talking about it, writing about it, visualising through saying words to existence about it, reading about it, learning about it, collecting information about it, gathering skills through relearning something old refreshing an old skill or knowledge about it. You can and will master the skills required to cover this gap, it’s not even a question but have patience with yourself and do the Saturn thing of not trying to run before you can walk. Take small steps even if temptation is to go big or go home. Take a measured approach right now, it will slow you down enough to recognise if you are listening to yourself or just doing what others are doing or doing something just case you feel you are too late in life to get there. In hurry and in going big you will open the avenues you do not have the energy to bring to concrete closures - you will create relationships you cannot live, you will create dependencies you cannot fend for, you will create promises you cannot keep. So hold the temptation of saying big things or making big promises. First tell yourself - what is right by me to do, what is right by me to be able to walk what I really want to walk. As much as people are catalyst and we are amongst them, do not let the needs of another drive your choices right now. Mercury retrograde is about choosing what within you is right per your higher intelligence. So be with people but listen more than talk.

Love ❤️, Charu

[makemeanangelpure]

April 10, 2024- 111.6

I can get back down to 108 by Friday morning by just doing what I do, and keeping to the liquid fast. I tried cooking for myself when Soul left. Nothinh astounding I guess, just an egg sandwich that’s special because it’s what momma used to make me when I was little and her and papa were still together… when they seemed alright at least… but it’s a comfort I guess and ever since I made it for Soul, I’ve been having one sometimes. It’s not the same though. I think eating it just makes me sad. I haven’t seen her in so long. But like momma I’ll make them for him, because he really likes them. Soup is pretty adamant about anything I cook and lately has had such a love for cream cheese chicken that he told me he dreamt about it the other night. Haha. Next time I make that I intend have half of one, take a few bites and then put it in the fridge. Then the time after that not have any do he can work out all 4, as is or I can put a sliced one on a sandwhich like he was drooling about. He’s so cute. I love feeding him after a hard day of missions and/or school activities. So I tried to eat the sandwich earlier… and I just felt… too full and gross… I drank water to try and help the nausea but I wound up getting sick… so I won’t make one for me in awhile… it’s really greasy anyway… I should be eating things more clean like fruit and vegetables and maybe I’ll boil my eggs… cause protein will help will my muscle build and my body will burn more naturally that way during the day so I’ll be super healthy! ^^

Soul is going to get home pretty late after piano practice and basketball with Kid and Blackstar, so he’ll bring something to eat home. Sometimes he’ll eat half with them and finish it home later with me. Our meal times together are usual so it makes me happy hes even subconsciously out of his way to have dinner time with me. Getting sick like that stole my energy, and I want to read some on my rest day today, so I’m having an energy drink. I used to never drink them, but soul has the Reign sometimes and I found sometimes when I’ve uo too late studying, it’s just what I need for a little kick here and there. I’ll get a case maybe when we go grocery shopping Sunday, among more necessary things like toilet paper and tooth paste. I got a part time job to help with living. You know grants can’t pay for everything forever. I’m really happy for soul too, he picked up a few shifts at a record shop we live pretty close too, just a 5 minute drive on his motorcycle, so I don’t have to worry about him being too late when he’s sluggish in moving around, doesn’t have to be there til 11 anyway. I tried so hard to find a bookstore to work at… but nothing was available unfortunately, so I’m making do with retail, working register or organizing shelves. They sell a lot of older items and the people that come in a pretty nice. Tomorrow I get to open the store which is nice. First time doing that so I’m a little nervous. My manager said if I’m still doing well in a month or two, he’s going to move me to the back to help with truck. It would be 7-3 pm shifts. Lots of lifting, tagging merchandise and stacking and the last 3 hours I could be called to go help with register but it would be fun to be promoted and get to basically workout with weights instead of the more cardio base that’s happening now. So yay! I just have to keep it up to get to that point. Which reminds me soul’s birthday is a month and half away now. He’ll be 17 which is amazing for him, I know he’s so excited to be 18, but still just enjoying the moment… I guess he’s taught me that it’s okay to look forward to something but not let it overwhelm you… just enjoy the the ride. The month after I’ll be 16! I know sweet 16 is a big thing, but I really prefer putting together surprises for other people. I almost feel bad sometimes when so much is attention is on me. It will be fun though, I’d really love to just cook everyone something and play games, or go out for sushi and go to an arcade… OR a picnic and swimming party since it’ll be summer time. The hassle of swimsuits though… I mean I don’t mind it… I love swimming and I’ve really missed it… it just going to be kind of embarrassing. I don’t know. The last thing I want to hear is how small my chest is… or I don’t fit a swimsuit right or ‘ of course I’m wearing a one piece.’ I kind of feel like the odd one out. Tsubaki, Liz and Patty and Blaire… they have beautiful womanly bodies… and I’m just different. My momma had a petite frame too- I’m not mad at her for the body she gave me… I can go down a rabbit hole about papa not being satisfied with momma and that’s why he treated… all the women I see him with definitely look a certain way. Whatever. If we swim for my birthday… I might even recommend it and I’m sure the others would bounce on the idea… beach volleyball… the boys would love. Liz would drag me and tsubaki to go tan a little while, so warm in the sun, and Patty and kid could make amazing sand castles and giraffes. Haha. Soul would be happy about popsicles. Creamsicle sounds so good!

I’m blabbering so much but I haven’t really said everything out loud before… or written it down really I just think about everything.

So swimming in two months and half potentially, well actually it’s for sure going to happen that sounds so fun. Liz will love if I ask her to help me find a nice swimsuit, and be totally positive about me getting a two piece. I think I will… maybe it can be light blue or white? My body and face is still really soft. I guess you could call it baby fat, and being more active lately, being more carful about what I eat, I can kind of see a bit of toned stomach action happening. I’m excited for what I can achieve in two months and even the one you know? Getting rid of baby fat and butterflying cacooning into my more young adult body will be good. I’m always going to be small and I’m trying to work on being okay with that, so I just have to make myself as proud as possible of the way I look. I’m going to look strong and healthy, so what if I don’t have the greatest curves, I’ll have skinny curves… angles and definition that I earned by working so hard. I’m almost 5’3 instead of 5’0 now from when we first moved in together and I was 14 so my baby weight is evening out and gosh soul is growing too. He already called me shorty but sometimes he looks down at me in such this smug way, like he’s so cool for being taller. He’s almost 5’7 now. I assume he’ll stop growing at 5’9 since I think Wes is around there or 5’10. Soul has always looked really handsome and like me, he’s growing into a more young adult version of himself, angels of his facial features a little more sharper, shadowed by a vague sleepiness like always, more movement to the way his scar runs along his chest in abdomen from natural definition. He’s the type of person to not workout barely at all, and look like he must go 3 days a week and eat like a clean freak, but nope, typical boy like Blackstar to be able to hork down unhealthy food and still look like he puts the work in. Ah being young with a great metabolism. Haha.

Oh what else…?

Oh yeah, last I made an entree, I was saying how I was nervous to get my hair cut, to repair damage and try something new for the warmer weather. Liz got highlights in her hair too, and even trimmed her front hair pieces ( evenly of course) to frame her face; it looks so pretty she’s like one of those victorious secret models. Tsubaki didn’t cut her hair, just a basic trim. She so pretty all the time, and Patty did a more blunt look with her bangs. My hair is shoulder length now, so we took 5 inches of dead hair off. It’s a big change. I can’t really wear my hair in pigtails right now in my normal mid spot because the hair at the nape of my neck is just barely too short to stay pulled up. I can do really tiny low pigtails but it’s really not helping with my “ growing up glow up” as the Thompson put it. I’ve been wearing it in half up pigtails when we’ve gone on missions so my hair isn’t swinging around in my face, like I did for the dance two years ago. But my hair will be around my upper arms in October, and then I’ll fully put my hair up again, and it won’t matter if it’s a more girlish hairstyle, I’ll be so confidently me by then it won’t even matter and I can pull off anything. Since I’ve lost some baby weight, I’ve noticed Soul doesn’t really knock at me having ‘ fat ankles ‘ anymore like he used to joke. Maybe he realized it hurt my feelings or i actually did have bigger legs and don’t anymore… if so then goodbye preteen fat. He’s been sweet too, picking me up from the couch to carry me to bed and either he’s just proud of how strong he is, but doesn’t brag because that wouldn’t be cool, or I’m actually fun to pick up because… like me lifting him in scythe form, it’s not a challenge? Rather than poking fun at me in what feels like an almost mean, taunting way, he’s been calling me ‘ itty bitty’ and ‘ little maka’ when he’s done his proud looking down at me..: or we’re just walking around town and sat for some deathbucks and he just kinda set his hand over mine, emphasizing how he could hide my fingers completely with his, sounding like he was marveling instead of mocking me when he said, “ you’re so tiny.” His comments are sounding more like compliments than half annoyed jabs, and I guess it’s him just becoming g more mature? Either way, it’s made me feel really nice and even a little more proud of my petite stature. If my partner thinks it’s cute rather than unattractive and off putting, then why should I feel so bad? He hasn’t said anything about my chest in awhile… maybe because I’m not so flat chested anymore? I did go from an A32 to a B32, and I think honestly where my chest size will be sitting at even when I’m momma’s age. Maybe he’s noticed I’ve grown a little… maybe he’s too embarrassed to say anything? Maybe it wouldn’t be cool to point out my chest or body changing at all because he doesn’t want to get slapped with a book? I’m overthinking everything… but doesn’t it feel kind of nice imagining he’s been able to see me grow and evolve some the same way I’ve seen him. I just texted him to tell him I’m proud of him. I know how much it bothers him his parents not approving of his work and how he’s going his own way about things apart from his family’s expectations. We were hugging a few months back after a slight argument I don’t even really remember what it was about but we were hugging about frogging eachother afterwards and I teared up telling him how proud I was of him if he ever felt like no one saw how hard he was working, I did. I feel his soul swell with emotion, and he’d tighten his hold on me, uttering a cool thank you, though I’d heard the way his breath shook like he was soft. I keep thinking about that day a lot, so I hope even when I don’t say it, he knows how proud I am of him. I know he’s proud of me too, especially lately trying to be nicer to papa, comforting me too when plans with him don’t really work out. I cried on his chest a few weeks ago when I made plans with papa and he forgot… too drunk when he’d been talking to me I guess to remember because when I went where we supposed to meet

[fleurcareil]

BC: West Kootenay

Once back down Mount Revelstoke, I picked up a delicious poke bowl from a food truck to eat while waiting for the ferry across Upper Arrow lake... which instead of 30-50 minutes turned out into a 1h20 wait due to delays, mechanical problems etc. A bit of a shame, especially as due to the smoke there was not much to see! 😒

I had been recommended that this would be a good place to paddle which I can imagine on a clear day but I wouldn't venture on the water in these conditions... I might not find my way back! 😅 On the ferry we were laughing that the scenery was so extremely pretty, at least in our imagination 😝

After the ferry landed on the east side of the lake, I had one of the best experiences so far in my entire time in Canada; soaking in the hot springs of Halfway River! 😍❤ It's a bit of a trek to get there, first on a rough stoney road & then 100s of stairs down to the valley floor but it's absolutely worth it! There's 3 man-made pools of different temperatures (the hottest was way too warm), a few natural pools a little bit further and then the river to cool you down. I understand why people I spoke to have been returning for years on end, I could stay here forever ☺... there's no better feeling than to get really hot and then plunge head down into the cold water! Most people tend to only sit in the cold water not submerging their head, so I taught a girl & a few ladies the real magic of going all-in with the hot & cold cycle 🤩 (which they loved after the first shock)

Unfortunately I did need to say goodbye to the hot springs as I had another hour to drive to New Denver (next time, I'll stay at the on-site campground!), where I stayed at a hotel run by a friendly Chinese family, so had yummy Chinese food but the room was stuffy and hot 🔥, probably better off camping despite the smoke.

Over dinner, I had a great conversation with an older couple who has travelled the world including Scotland and Colombia so it was fun to exchange notes. It did also make me realize that although I very much enjoy traveling to explore new places, I get my real energy from living in a different country, building a new life there and getting a deeper understanding of the culture (like I did in Canada 😍)... I see my road trip as a farewell to this amazing country that I call home, and although it seems distant at this moment, I'm looking forward to starting a new life in Chile, so together with the worsening fires in BC it felt I was coming to an end to my travels soon. I still had 6 more nights in the Okanagan booked that I was excited about but perhaps after that it would be good to start my return. Fast forward 2 days (as per one of my previous posts); after having had terrible smoke in Nelson and more areas being evacuated I did cancel the bookings and returned east, not even making it to the Okanagan 😔

For now however, the next morning was slightly better and it made me happy to see some snow-covered mountains and semi-blue sky from my window! 😀 I was told that New Denver is a hidden gem so I walked around the old downtown and bought delicious orangy cake from the farmers market. Thereafter, I visited the Nikkei memorial centre at the location of a Japanese Canadian WW2 internment camp which had ofcourse shocking displays and a pretty Japanese garden (I've had my fill now of internment info though; I better hope Canada will never have a war with the Dutch or the French 😅). There was another Japanese meditation garden on the lake but by then the wind had kicked up a frenzy, signalling it was time to leave!

Driving across the mountains to Kootenay Lake, I stopped by in Sandon, which is billed as a ghost town but I didn't get a good idea of its history (I'm guessing mining ?)... currently, it's more of a repository of old trucks, train wagons and a whole collection of electric trolley busses (incl. one from Hamilton!) that are waiting to be restored and put back into use (questionable given their current state). The iced coffee was delicious! 😁

In Kaslo, I visited the SS Moyie Sternwheeler which had functioned as the only local transportation for the villages along the 105km long Kootenay lake until the road was built. The ship is beautifully restored and I can imagine this was pure luxury at the time!

After a well-deserved icecream and a chat with dear Priyanka 😍, I had quick stops at a strangely rounded covered bridge and some falls (of which I've also reached my limit now) and then on to Nelson. My tent site was a bit different on a deck high above the rest of the campground... put in extra stones to make sure I wouldn't roll off in the middle of the night. 😅 Delicious Italian food & local wine on a patio with live music capped off a good day ☺

Next morning though, the smoke was double heavy although it had cooled down 10 degrees overnight, and the bad news of fire evacuations kept rolling in so pulled the plug and canceled my existing reservations (they would have been nulled by the end of the day anyway because of the travel restrictions put in place for tourists), and booked new ones in East Kootenay on the way back to the Rockies. Feeling drab, I spent some time inside at the visitor centre and a restaurant but the smoke was everywhere...it did not only physically feel bad but also mentally it wore me down like a heavy blanket trying to suffocate.😔

I had driven by the Ainsworth hotsprings the previous day so went back and had some good time there... they also have a "cave" in which you can swim which was different... didn't beat the forest hot springs but the warm water was soothing anyway!

In the evening, I went to an Oppenheimer party at the cinema with live music & drinks before the movie, something completely different! 😀 I briefly met an interesting couple who live happily in Nelson & had met many years ago, after she had decided to grow roots in Nelson "because it felt home" after a summer job... gave me hope I'll have the same home feeling when I'll set foot in Chile!

Despite not having been able to truly experience West Kootenay as I had wanted to, I feel that this is an amazing region so will hopefully come back here another time, just not in August.

Wildlife: 2 turkeys, 1 bald eagle, 2 deer, 1 salamander

SUPs: none

Hikes: none

Hot springs: two 🤗

[stormyreadingsxx]

January 28th

On this Sunday, January 28th, our moon is still slowly waning and in the sign of mutable Virgo. Ruled by Mercury, you might have communication on the brain (as a natal Virgo Moon I would say so). This is an earthy, analytic, & adaptable energy that's washing over us.

"Your feeling of safety is now related to order and clarity, even in emotions. You may have the need to organise everything chaotic and disorganized. Try being more tolerant and accept imperfections of life. It is better to trust life and let it run its own way, not everything must be according to our expectations."

The Full Moon energy of the past days still lingers, and the Wolf Moon has been calling for us to let go. Of fears. Doubts. Anger. Resentment. Everything bogging us down and holding us back. These things block us from success and new beginnings. This Virgo energy may make us cling to or try to control our surroundings. Try being tolerant of the unknowns and accept the little control you actually have. You can't bring your worries where you're going.

Our moon is still growing smaller in waning gibbous, keep making yourself lighter for the journey.

Again, my Ethereal Visions tarot deck has a lot to say about the collective messages. My pulls (and volunteer cards) were:

Ace Of Wands

Judgement

Together, these two cards can signify powerful and transformative new beginnings. Wand cards are Fire in element, and some of the fastest moving energy in the deck. Judgement is the card of absolution. Dropping this Major can show signs of a spiritual awakening (look at the people rejoicing on the card instead of the Angel and their trumpet).

The times and energies above us are shifting. It is time to sink into your creative heart and embark on a new journey, or at least one of personal growth and discovery. That is because we're letting go of limiting beliefs and habits. That leaves room for said transformation. Regardless of pain, anxiety, and uncertainty.... These cards are calling for us to take control of our lives. Our thoughts. Our happiness and destiny.

This journey won't always be easy or pleasant, but the inspiration is spelled out on both cards. The choices you next make will gravely affect your life.

"Reflection, reckoning, and awakening of creation through willpower, inspiration, and desire will lead to new beginnings."

The next cards to interact with me were:

Ten Of Wands

The Chariot

Together, the energy from this combination is hard work. The major Chariot encourages us to keep forward movement, but the Ten Of Wands shows how difficult this work truly is. Burdening. And, internal work and reflection is extremely taxing work. It affects us physically and drains us emotionally. It can drive us to want to cope. Nobody thinks letting go and changing the pathways of your mind is easy. But, it will be necessary and rewarding. It will change your life and you, for the better.

The Ten Of Wands shows that the obstacles are great and plentiful, but it shows and stands for success as well. Triumph, and overcoming your problems. We all must be sensitive and careful of burnout. Even our most resilient and productive members of society can feel the effects of working themselves without relief.

The World

Page Of Pentacles

Four Of Pentacles

The World was dropped yesterday, giving us all the courage to graduate from our current karmic lessons. The world and our lives are cyclical, but all cycles must end.

"With ambition, desire, and diligence one can reach any goal they set for themselves."

The Page of Pentacles symbolizes a youthful, curious energy and a dedication to learning and practicality, while The World card signifies a sense of completion, integration, and wholeness.

Our personal and outer worlds are often filled with chaos. Instability and war on a global scale, and the constant fomo we experience spectating others on social media (and hold ourselves to unfair and unknown standards). But, focusing on your own goals instead of the affairs of others can bring one fulfillment and ultimate happiness.

Page cards are about new ideas and new beginnings. When you change the framing of your mind, all sorts of things become possible for you to achieve. The energy is auspicious for success in your personal endeavors.

The Four and the Page together in Pentacles shows you've probably already done a lot of growing to get to this point. The youthful energy of the Page can show that you're eager to grow even more. To leave this transitional space to true abundance. Wanting to learn more and more is never a problem, but have grace for yourself and remember to rest and integrate heavy, internal work. It takes its toll in a different way.

With The World, it shows you are ready for stability and consistent growth. We, as a collective, are on the edge of leveling up to a new state of being. Even amongst all the chaos and personal hardship. It might seem like a journey that never ends, but the work is almost over.

Still with plenty more to say, my deck dropped:

The Sun (reversed)

Death

Six Of Cups

Always one for the dramatics, my precious deck never lets me down.

"The constant presence of negativity, depression, and sadness can greatly impact one's mental wellbeing. However, finding comfort in familiarity and reflecting on happy memories can bring about healing and positivity. The end of a difficult cycle can mark the start of new beginnings leading to change and a transformative metamorphosis."

Clearly, together, these cards ask us to let go of and release ourselves from the past. In difficult times, nostalgia is to be expected. And inner and past reflection can bring about healing and transformation. But it can also leave us stuck, remembering things differently in comparison to our current situations.

Letting go is scary, period. But, the rewards could be wondrous. We're being asked right now to take all we can from our loving memories, and let them go to allow room for something new.

The Sun reversed even acknowledges for us that this will be difficult, denoting blocked energy or joy. We don't only grieve death as human creatures. People change and leave us. Happy times become happy memories that we can never recreate. We will never operate with full clarity or always make the right choices. But, these cards only ask us to move faithfully in the right direction. Never for perfection.

It is only time to give in to the most pure transformation.

And lastly:

High Priestess (reversed)

The Lovers

"I feel lost without a center or inner voice, and my repressed feelings prevent me from forming partnerships or unions."

The High Priestess reversed is interesting, because this card is all about our unconscious. Our natural intuition. Run amok, decisions or trusting others can be nearly impossible. People can see you through the glass walls you composed around yourself, but they cannot reach you.

Now, The Lovers can represent love and relationship in the obvious. But, it is also about one's duality. Two halves, coming together to make one whole. With another Major, The Lovers may represent more of a pair of choices. And with our anxiety or critical inner voice guiding us, we can't seem to make one.

You are born of everything you need. The active Masculine energy and your receptive Divine Feminine. You know the answers to what you want and need, they lay deep down inside. Your anxiety and fears will not allow you to access them.

Past experiences could have gone awry. Maybe, someone used your empathetic and reflective nature against you. Turned your own sharp mind into your worst enemy. Maybe you believed, and your instincts were wrong (nobody is always right). Grounding, finding your center, and recalibrating your inner voice will be key for peace and fulfillment in your life. You know yourself, you are you! The answers are inside a golden mind and a waiting heart, I promise.

I could not leave out my first oracle deck, dear Pythia. She loves to chime in with her earthy advice.

Sanctuary- Queen Anne's Lace

A card of refuge. Seek or settle into your asylum. Quiet your spirit, batten the hatches, and set a lustral bath.

Connect- Bindweed

A time to bid reclusion adieu. Invite loved ones back in. Behold your entanglements and build cobwebs of synergy. You have never been alone.

You must charge and recharge yourself after inner work to join with others in harmony and happiness. Even if you're not done with all the work, you still deserve companionship and love. Community. We all have it, and we will all need it. Rest up for the good of the Earth and all in your community. We need you.

[selenafreshfriendkidoaf]

How the Zodiac Signs Burn out

Life has been extra horrendous of late, hasn't it? It's leaving a significant part of us pondering how to decrease tension from the news, from our lifestyles, or people around us. That could mean going through a short time detached, taking a mental wellbeing day from the regular timetable, or contributing some energy with your colleagues basically hanging out. Yet, then again it's vital for search inside and use your own adjusting skills to diminish pressure. Soothsaying can show us the intrinsic ways that we answer horrendous pieces of life — come what may. Along these lines, read on to sort out some way to reduce pressure.

 How the Zodiac Signs Burn out often answers tension, and how you can adjust to it. To no one's surprise, if you're experiencing extraordinary strain or apprehension, or basically need help adjusting, help is available.

Aries When pushed, Aries will act valiantly straightforwardly — that is just their pride showing up. For a really long time and in private, the splits will start to appear. The legend sign will take out their disappointments on those they care about understanding that are hurting the ones they love generally considering the way that they don't have even the remotest clue how to manage their mentalities. Ideally, it's best for Aries (and anyone) to not take their near and dear astonishments out on others. Not following up absent a lot of planning, savagery, and excitement will allow Aries to avoid issues with others. Instead of contention, they should have a go at breathing systems to loosen up. Require a second before exploding. The presence could help you with seeing things even more evidently.

Taurus Most Tauruses are deferred to shock and require a critical time interval to get stressed. Their tenacious nature licenses them to take on a lot of work without protesting about it. In any case, there comes when the Bull, like each and every other individual, reacher their end and becomes exhausted from putting 1,000% into all they do. The best and only development for Taurus to make an effort not to get stressed or broken down is dealing with oneself. A flawless hot shower with Epsom salts and new blooms, a back rub, or a day being surrounded basically are ways Taurus as often as possible chooses to recuperate energy and decompress.

Gemini A way for the Fluctuating Gemini to convey pressure is to let every one of their opinions out. This could mean journaling or standing up their sentiments. However lengthy Gemini can inhale out criticism through discussing their mistake with words and venting out their grumblings, they will really need to mitigate 99.999% of the strains that are in their lives. Letting everything out of their spirits and minds is great for Gemini, so talk treatment is unquestionably at least an. After they get out anything that's aggravating them, the twin star can push ahead. Being heard and seen is basic for the chatty air sign.

Infection Sickness likes to hide away in their genuinely safeguarded case that is worked for one. While they're empowering and recovering their sentiments subtly, the crab is giving up any external and inside show in their lives through rest and loosening up. Nestling up in bed far away from outside disturbances and aggravations is how Illness finds an enduring feeling of compromise of mind in the predicaments they drive forward. Having comfort food from their childhood, nostalgic or silly movies playing on their PC, and a fragile weighted cover collapsed over their bodies in full scale quietness are necessities in recovering and fixing a Threatening development's disturbances.

Leo Disregarding the way that everyone would guess that Leo ought to fake it through online diversion, the lion will choose to roar out their mistake to anyone who will listen IRL. They save the show for later — when no one spotlights on them. If no one thinks often about Leo, they'll begin to get tumultuous and tweet their sentiments with the goal that all the world could possibly see, read, and hear. The clarification being is that when someone punches Leo and mixes the lion from their chill, lighthearted energy then, they'll yell out their opinions and let the news out. Taking everything into account, make a pass at finding an accepted accomplice who you understand will focus on you, or contemplate venting to a subject matter expert. You could moreover allow having your sentiments an opportunity in a journal or through section. Any kind of explanation can help.

Virgo Virgos can manage a lot of pressure — that is until their comprehension runs out or they aren't being shown appreciation from others. At the point when they're enthusiastically pushed beyond what many would consider possible or played with internally, the earth sign will answer by having a more modest than regular fit and collapse (which is all a surprisingly long time truly coming to fruition) and subsequently forge ahead with minutes sometime later. A powerful technique for adjusting this energy is as far as possible. However lengthy Virgo doesn't take on something over the top and sorts out some way to say "no," these disappointments can be avoided.

Libra Libra endures friendliness. Being that they are the extents of the zodiac, they ought to be centered reliably. In the exceptional case that they are crooked, they track down resolve by compensating for the energy that they are lacking in their lives. Furthermore, being the social zodiac sign that they are, Libras will choose to go out with buddies with a ultimate objective to vent. While a night out with their group won't be ensured to fix all of their interests, it'll permit them to disregard issues and comprehend a piece of their disappointments are unquestionably not a big deal.

Scorpio Being that Scorpio is the most pivotal zodiac sign, the groundbreaking water sign should make moves towards fostering their lifestyle to ensure that they have no strain troubling their hearts. Likewise, one can guess that Scorpio ought to take on yoga, heavenly reflection, and make huge lifestyle changes, for instance, going to rest at an earlier time or eliminating people who make show in their lives. Scorpios will effectively defend and save their energy — and that infers isolating from conditions and people that don't agree with their up close and personal and mental thriving.

Sagittarius In clear construction, Sagittarius will take off from without question, all that concerns them. The open door loving zodiac sign has the open door on their schedule and energy for conditions or people that make issues in their lives. Right when they begin to feel confounded, they will express their burdens by making distance and disengaging themselves from the primary thing. The valiant fire sign has a lot continuing and won't persevere through unambiguous approaches to acting — even from themselves — which is the explanation they will run along feeling extraordinary don't like anything anytime irritated them regardless.

Capricorn Being the inflexible earth sign that Capricorn is, suggests that they put forward some bundle of energy towards achieving their targets. This is one of the top zodiac signs that is the most likely become stressed actually — generally since they are consistently involved and endeavoring to promptly oblige different characters. A weekend away by the sea side, spa, or wherever away is the best decision for tireless Capricorn to recharge their batteries. Relaxing in segregation will give the sea goat a lot of spine to charge forward towards the accompanying dream when they get back after a journey.

Aquarius The water-transport habitually pulls out from unsavory conditions, and when unsettling influences happen they have no clue about how to deal. In this way, Aquarius will call upon allies for urging and how to administer issues. Whether they truly take the direction from their group is something different, as the water-transporter will in everyday be rebellious when encouraged the proper behavior. As opposed to granting their sentiments to any person who will tune in, Aquarius should call upon a little assembling of mates who they trust absolutely and focus on their valuable goodies with an open heart and mind to understand the best approaches.

Pisces Stress is the hardest on Pisces, in view of how they are a sensitive, retentive water sign that expect the energy of everything and everyone around them. Logging off of virtual diversion for a seriously significant time-frame at a time and limiting how much screen time that they have will help Pisces with beginning to feel far gotten to the next level. Workmanship, photography, music, and singing will be exceptionally helpful approaches to recovering their disappointments, as it gives Pisces an inventive outlet to focus on. These are a couple of bewildering practices for the fragile fishies to agree with to help them with totally decompressing.

[wh6res]

three's a crowd | nomin

synopsis. picking favorites is impossible when you like neither of them.

warning. read at your own risk. abuse, bullying, poly relationship, yandere themes, manipulation, nonconsensual touching, noncon, degradation, smut threesome oop

disclaimer. i do not condone whatever tf i wrote in this nor does it reflect my beliefs or values or morals and such. it is all pure fiction and i also dont think jaemin or jeno would act like this in real life.

note. this was meant to be a new year's gift lmao i obviously got a lil carried away 👀 anyway a late happy new year to you all! we survived 2020, let's start living in 2021, yeah? lmao if covid lets us grr mwah!

the relationship you had with the two of them was a weird one, bordering on taboo, but it wasn't as if you willfully chose to be who they wanted you to be and it took jaemin's unwanted pining and jeno's intimidating demeanor for you to fall right into their arms.

it was a joint effort on their part, you couldn't've possibly stood a chance.

"this many?" the cashier asked. "are you sure?"

stepping back and studying the whole situation, you figured you only had your addiction to caffeine and procrastination to blame. it was a chain reaction you didn't even know will lead up to your inevitable doom.

if you hadn't been slacking off during your first semester of junior year college, you wouldn't be forced to overwork yourself trying to catch up to the looming deadlines, but to be able to 'work yourself to the bone' you need your boost of energy… and that was when you met one of them.

"uhm," you scratch the back of your head sheepishly as you eye the six glass bottles of iced coffee. sure, it looks bad and you kinda appreciate the look of concern the cashier throws your way but it was none of his business.

"yes. now could you, like, you know… hurry up? i'm in a little bit of a time crunch right now."

screw it. although you hardly snap like that with other people on a daily basis, it'll be a whole different conversation if you were under a significant amount of stress and today, unfortunately, is one of those days.

now can he just fucking stop asking questions and give you your six bottles of death drink to keep your fucking brain going so you can pass an eight-page essay tomorrow? thank you very much!

the guy snickered, the beeping sound of a barcode being read sounding a thousand times more annoying than it usually sounds as he keeps his hand busy by punching your items out.

you fail to notice how he studies you through the gaps of his lashes, finding you interesting rather than threatening as you stood before him with your messy hair and oversized hoodie.

"haven't seen you around university grounds 'till today," he tries striking another conversation with you. "you new? i'm jaemin."

this was your first mistake, you shouldn't have been so… downright rude when you met him. if you were granted the miracle of meeting him a 2nd time, you would've acted more nice, throwing yourself at his feet even to blend in with the rest of his fangirls you didn't even know about at the time. you would've done anything to make sure he never gives you a second glance, to never pique his interest.

jaemin is the pep squad captain. flying over colored blue mats and doing tumblings in the air with no ounce of fear. he was the best in his team, that much was evident when your friend dragged you into watching a pep rally practice. his landings were clean, balanced, and executed to the best he can at all times.

no wonder he was popular, his talent is outstanding and his looks are a bonus. his killer combo of a smile and wink after pulling off a tough flip is enough to send them squealing in their seats.

he spotted you that day and since then, he snuck the quickest glances at the bench during practices. recognizing you as the coffee girl he met during his convenience store shift. jaemin tries not to let his disappointment show too much when he doesn't see you, but of course, a pair of cold calculating eyes could see right through him.

"i saw that," his boyfriend said, hand darting forward to hold jaemin's gym bag for him. "you kept looking at the crowd. do you want to see her that much?"

"but she reminds me so much of you, jeno!" he retorts, pouting at the slight grumpy tone the other boy used. "i can't help it. she doesn't seem to give a fuck around me so she's quite interesting. maybe she can even be a great addition to our relationship!"

"well," jeno replies after a beat of silence, plastering a small smirk on his face before slinging an arm around jaemin's shoulder.

"convince me?"

you don't like jaemin's attention. not in the slightest. and it seems that was enough reason for the reign of terror his little fanclub has subjected you too.

it wasn't the petty elementary forms of bullying like pulling at your hair or calling you names. they pale in comparison to the other things they do to you—beating you up, messing with your homework, "accidentally" dumping their food trays on you.

and you weren't stupid.

you knew exactly who was behind it, knew how jaemin spectates the whole thing from afar so that he can swoop in at the end to play your knight in shining armor.

"oh, you poor thing. do you need help?"

the first time you accepted his "help" you ended up in a supply closet near the gym during your free period, cornered and weak as your cries for help drowns under the squeaking of shoes and the booming sounds of rubber balls hitting the floor.

if it weren't for jeno appearing out of thin air and prying the boy off of you, you would've been painted blue and red from the death grip he had on your wrist, neck, and waist.

you can still remember feeling the soreness of your scalp from when he pulled your hair too hard. remembered feeling his teeth gnawing at your lips as if he wanted to tear them off.

that time hadn't been the first time you saw jeno. you've shared a few classes with him and it strikes you how polar opposites they are with one another.

while jaemin likes to bask in his professor and classmates' recognition by confidently reciting his answers, jeno would rather keep to himself. liked sitting at the last row, near the window, so he'd be the first to go once the professor ends their lecture. while jaemin loved the attention of his fangirls, jeno preferred solitude. while jaemin is impulsive and wild, jeno liked to think things through.

it was within these reasons that you decided to do what you did. but your judgement of character has never been more wrong.

you approached jeno one day in the library, tried to make yourself appear as stoic and confident as possible. but your constant slouching and averting eyes was a dead giveaway.

you came to talk to him about what jaemin has been doing, hoping there's one person left in this entire school that isn't under the cheer captain's trance. the one reasonable person that has already saved you once and (hopefully) is willing enough to save you again. the only one that probably has a certain level of control over jaemin, if the supply closet incident is anything to go by.

but you've overestimated lee jeno.

"you should've just given jaemin what he wanted."

"but—but aren't you two lovers? isn't it bothering you?"

you try baiting him, only for an uncomfortable shiver to start crawling down your spine when he chuckled humorlessly, pushing his school materials to the side while pinning you with an unreadable stare.

how can a person make someone feel so small just by a gaze alone? it was nothing like you've felt with jaemin. this is way worse.

"the only thing that's bothering me is why you're not ours yet."

you feel cold fingers creeping their way under your shirt, going higher and higher until it brushes against your bra. and when your eyes meet, the look on his face was unmistakable—what are you going to do about it, huh?

you stood up in lightning speed, the chair you've been sitting on scraping loudly against the floor.

you've never ran out as fast as you did.

and jeno swears it'll be the last.

you tried everything in your power to ignore them for the next following weeks but it soon became useless when the two boys took it upon themselves to give you your space.

although judging by the pinpricks you feel on your back, and the constant weight of a stare you feel on your shoulders, you knew they weren't done with you yet. far from it. and for some reason, you just knew they wanted to lull you into a false sense of security first before striking again.

and while they continued to ogle at you from afar like a hawk circling its prey in a desert, you took it upon yourself to return the favor. not because you were the slightest bit interested in those creeps but maybe, just maybe, if you look hard enough you'll find a way out, a weakness.

but what you realized made your insides churn in great discomfort—although it may seem that jeno holds the reins in the relationship since his reserved nature fits the role, it's actually the other way around.

jaemin might appear too self-centered, too focused on himself to give a fuck about his surroundings but in actuality, he has quite a knack for reading people. even more so than jeno. and it was scary how he used it to his advantage, and paired up with his devoted fangirls? it was hell on earth.

you found it alarming how the two seem to magically appear wherever you are.

although you weren't in the least bit surprised. for some reason, you can't take your eyes away when jaemin's devotees flock around him (and jeno) in a circle.

it almost reminds you of a shoal of piranhas, waiting for their meal to drop into the water before ripping it to shreds with their teeth. only their "meal" isn't actual flesh but the carefully crafted words jaemin says that drive them into a sick frenzy.

one that has them doing everything in their power to satisfy him like the loyal dogs they are.

so this was how he got them to bully you?

"oh, that? don't worry! yangyang just ran into me during cheer rehearsal. no biggie. my cheek stung a little bit, though…" is what he said but really he's telling them "scruff him up a bit for me, why don't ya?"

"of course, i can't be the best all the time. haechan is just too good, maybe even better than me…" is what he said but really he's telling them "can you remind him where his place should be?"

all the while jeno did nothing to hold him back.

no matter how wrong jaemin is, how much of an asshole he is, jeno will stick by his side through and through. so as much as jaemin is a puppeteer that gets a kick for controlling people, jeno is as much at fault for looking the other way.

because in jeno's perspective, why the fuck would he do shit when he can just get off from the entertainment that comes with jaemin's sweet little mind games?

we lost :(

you had been busy sorting through paperwork for one of your professors in the faculty when your friend texted you the results of the intercollegiate cheer dance competition. a frown paints your face, heart feeling heavy at the bad news.

in all honesty, you still supported the pep squad—you just hated the captain and his boyfriend. they've been practicing non-stop for this and prior to the weeks of the competition, jeno looked a lot more tense and jaemin less smiley than usual. you swore you even saw the latter snap at one of his fangirls.

not to mention, they paid less attention to you, too, and it was the best three weeks of your life.

tension starts rising in your shoulders, fingers absentmindedly running through the edge of the papers you had been sorting until you became immersed with your thoughts.

jaemin must be in the worst mood yet.

and jeno too, probably. if anything, that guy gets triggered the most when something bad happens to jaemin or when he catches snippets of people talking shit about his oh so "perfect" boyfriend.

jeno is a lot scarier when jaemin is in one of his mood swings, you noticed. he steps up in the relationship to offer comfort to the other boy and for outsiders? it isn't a great experience to go through—being on the receiving end of jeno's ice cold stare is a position you don't want to find yourself in after that time in the library.

he is still as much a threat to your peaceful life like his lover.

you snap out of it when the blinding headlights of a vehicle seep through the closed blinds. you hear the gentle hum of an engine switching off as the headlights vanished as quick as they had appeared. that must be the cheer squad's bus.

as you look around the empty faculty room, something in your gut tells you to ditch file sorting duty for professor kim tonight and fucking get the hell out of campus grounds as quick as you can.

after haphazardly throwing the unsorted papers back into the cabinet, you groan aloud when the keys to the office drop out of your skirt’s pocket.

the indoor gym where the cheering squad practices is right across the hallway. you sure as hell don't want to bump into jaemin. or jeno, too, if he had decided to ride along the cheer squad's bus on the way home.

you kept looking for the keys underneath the cubicles, cursing aloud when you heard the telltale squeaks of shoes rubbing against linoleum. you almost hit your head against a table when you quickly got back up your feet, darting forward to shut the lights for the faculty room.

they can't know you're here. alone. and if it meant sitting in the dark for a few hours 'till they leave, meant going back home a little later than usual is what you have to do then so be it.

you try not to react so violently when the door you're leaning on jolts when someone from outside slams their back against it.

"it's not like we didn't do our best, right guys? i don't have regrets. it might sound fucking cheesy and although i'm sad myself, atleast we did what we can."

it's jaemin. his voice clear as day.

you try peaking, craning your neck up from your place on the floor. only to see the back of his head leaning against the glass section of the door. someone else joins in on the conversation, followed by coach park himself, and you slowly tune out whatever they're saying as you stealthily start scanning the faculty room.

you curse under your breath. is there no other exit other than this door? jesus christ! even classrooms in this university had two doors—

"what are you doing here?"

the switch flickers on, basking the once dark room with light. only when you hear an echo of your name being called, did you snap out of it and quickly picked yourself up from the floor.

"i said, what are you doing here?"

their coach asks, drilling the question as he looks at you skeptically with his arms crossed. you try not to look at the people behind him.

particularly, not at his cheer captain standing on his right.

particularly, not at jeno, who stands out like a sore thumb with his blue hair, a protective arm snaked around jaemin’s shoulders.

this isn't your lucky day, too, you guess.

"i was…" you cursed yourself for stuttering. "i was, uhm, i was file sorting for prof—professor kim, sir."

coach park looked like he didn't believe you as he narrowed his eyes in scrutiny. your nerves are going haywire and you can feel the sharp pins of their stare with how close they are.

you kept juggling your weight with the balls of your feet, hands fisting and unfisting behind your back. you want to leave. you have to leave.

"file sorting… in the dark?" he asked incredulously.

fuck this.

"uhm, you can ask professor kim himself tomorrow, coach. for now, uh, i'll be going now. i'm sorry you guys lost…"

originally, the exit is on the right side, at the end of the hallway. but no, you are not going to pass by those two while on your way out so you ducked behind a random student standing on the coach's left instead and practically ran away from the scene.

everyone had been too busy. too busy looking at your retreating form to even notice jaemin and jeno exchanging glances, too busy to notice the latter untangling himself from their captain to slip away unnoticed, his hurried steps filled with a burning purpose.

you didn't know why you ran, but you did. your shoes practically booming against the floor as you sped away through darkened hallways. you're sweating profusely, heart hammering in your chest. you can worry about professor kim tomorrow but right now you just had to—

"why are you in such a rush, pet?"

crashing into jeno felt like crashing into a wall. if it hadn't been for his arm quickly wrapping around your waist, then you would've landed on your butt before him.

with the small distance between the two of you, jeno could see as clear as day through your eyes.

jaemin was right.

it was addicting to stare into them.

especially when he can see every single one of your thoughts flying through your pretty little head. but hey, it wasn't their fault you were so easy to read.

jeno barely conceals the wicked smirk on his lips when your hands come up to his chest, trying to push him away but to no avail.

he can see your eyes shifting from shock, to confusion, until it finally settles on fear—to which it's slowly becoming a favorite emotion of his to see on your face.

"you know, jaemin is in a really shitty mood right now. and we were wondering, maybe you can cheer us up?"

no. this can't be happening.

"jeno, please." your dilated eyes and disheveled hair made his blood run south. "let me go. you don't want me. you don't need a third party in your relationship."

you yelp when he lets you go, literally shoving you against a wall—which you found out is actually a door, as it swings open as soon as your body crashes against it.

with jeno looming unforgivingly before you in his full height, the tears stung extra hard but you won't let them fall.

if he wanted to bask in the image of your weakness then it'll be something you'll deprive from him for as long as you can.

"i don't need a stupid bitch like you to tell me what i feel." he scoffs. "don't fucking kid yourself, you little whore—i don't want you. i'm not jaemin."

the echo of the classroom door shutting closed surged through you like a wake up call.

this is really happening.

you've always led a decent life, had done nothing too questionable and you've always thought maybe life will spare you if you lived quietly enough. but the feel of jeno's freezing hands crawling against your skin felt like life itself had spat at you in the eye and left you to rot in a ditch.

"i've always liked how you wore skirts," he comments. playing with the ruffled hem of the soft fabric as he purposely grazed his knuckles against your supple thighs. "gives me easy access, don't you agree?"

you scream when he flips your skirt up to reveal the innocent pink of your cotton panties. it was as if a switch had flipped inside of you and the will to fight started coursing through your veins.

"stop! jeno! i don't want this!"

his brows furrow, grunting as he struggles to push the waistline of your skirt up higher with how much you're thrashing underneath him. you buck your hips, tried curling in on yourself, anything to prolong what he wants to do to you.

with your legs trapped underneath his, you blindly reach forward, relying on your upper body instead to push and scratch whatever your palms and nails reached.

you continue screaming like a banshee until he shoved two fingers into your wet cavern.

"stop fighting me," he sounded strained, as if he's holding himself back. you feel him fisting the fabric of your skirt and you fear he's simply going to rip it apart.

you tried responding to him, only the sound had been muffled, gurgled by the flat of his fingers pushing down against your tongue mercilessly. when you reach forward to push him away, your hands land on the apple of his cheeks, nails digging through skin.

until it slips and—

you lie rigid when red scratch marks in the size of your fingernails slowly appear on jeno's skin, his head turned to the side as he paused. your actions slowly start sinking in to him as he shuts his eyes and bit his lip 'till it looked like it was about to bleed.

oh no.

"jeno—"

the slap he planted on your cheek left your ears ringing. all those hard earned muscles of his put to good use—if the tears hadn't fallen for the last few minutes, then it definitely started falling now.

the hit had been so strong, a few of your hair flew astray, the buzzing feeling of your skin tempting you to reach a hand up to soothe your abused cheek.

until jeno let out a low growl and your hand immediately drops limp against your body, afraid of whatever else he can do to you other than a slap.

"that's more like it," he whispers under his breath. you let out the tiniest of whimpers when his hand darts forward to fist your hair. "do you know what happens to bad girls? they fucking get busted up. do you understand me?"

his patience is nonexistent.

jeno slams your head against the floor when you don't answer because you thought his question had been rhetorical. it felt like your skull had been split in two as you wail in pain.

"are you fucking deaf—i asked you a fucking question!"

the hand that cups your jaw is painful as he squeezed your cheek with his blunt nails. your hand shoots up to wrap around his wrist, silently pleading for him to let up as you sobbed out loud. you started nodding as best as you can despite his firm grip on your face.

your reply was nothing short of pathetic. with lips forcefully pursed and the steady stream of your tears and snot rolling down your face, your response is gargled and hardly incoherent and jeno seemed to thoroughly enjoy your anguish if the condescending curl on his lips is anything to go by.

"look at you," he whispers, his face coming close to yours as he holds you down. there was something in the way jeno stared so intently that it made your skin crawl.

"i think you're prettiest when ruined like this."

with his nose touching yours, he felt too close, bordering on intimate as you felt his hand creep back up your thighs, trailing up with feather-like touches that made goosebumps appear on your skin.

you tried wiggling your legs underneath him but one sharp look from jeno is enough to make you stop.

the hand holding your face moves. coming down from gripping your face to encircling his hand around your neck.

"do you like it when i touch you? freaky bitch."

his hands trail further up, up, up until you felt him slotting a finger underneath your panties.

jeno didn't like how frozen you were underneath him as he pulls at the hem before letting go. the elastic snapping back against your skin.

the action evokes a strong feeling through the young male, promising to have you writhing and screaming and begging because by the end of all this, you'll be so needy and frustrated that you will have no choice but to give in to what your body wanted.

"jeno, didn't i tell you to play nice?"

someone stands by the door, the minimal light from the hallway creating a silhouette with his form but you knew who he was. that deep voice, with the same annoying flippant tone, is a dead giveaway.

you didn't know why you even hoped in the beginning. as if there'll be someone who can save you from these two.

you thought the flash of hurt in your eyes was quick to disappear but jeno noticed it quicker.

in a span of seconds, he pulled you up from your position from the ground and tugged you towards his lap. you haven't even gotten the time to settle on your new position when he already smashed his lips against yours.

it was messy. too much saliva. too much teeth. no tenderness to it at all.

the fabric of his jeans felt rough, not to mention the ice cold belt buckle made you severely uncomfortable as it seeps through the thin fabric of your skirt.

when you attempt to hover over his lap, jeno grunts as he snakes an arm around your waist, pulling you back down without your lips breaking away from each other. you didn't know why he let out a whine, but you understood the moment you fully sat down on his lap and you felt a tent on his jeans hitting your clothed entrance perfectly.

in a normal circumstance, you would've found everything hot and might've actually gotten off from it but not when it's him who’s doing this to you and you didn’t consent to any of this.

you start squirming again. palms lying flat against jeno's chest as you attempt to push him away and jaemin sees this as the opportune moment to slot himself behind you, caging you in between them.

“i want my turn,” he hisses and without an ounce of hesitation, jeno stops to do what he's told.

jaemin doesn't waste any second to grab your face, awkwardly craning your neck up to meet his lips in the same feverish kiss.

while jeno had been all teeth and aggression, practically forcing you to open your mouth and kiss him back, jaemin on the other hand is more soft, more romantic, you daresay. he seemed to like taking his sweet time by clutching your face, kissing you like he actually meant it.

he pulls away slightly, resting his forehead against yours as he murmurs something incoherent under his breath and then he's kissing you again.

you think you heard something along the lines of, "finally."

you've been too distracted by jaemin to notice jeno's nimble fingers quickly fumbling with the buttons of your blouse. it was only when you feel the sensation of his tongue laving against the swell of your breast did you turn away from jaemin, jerking backward in surprise.

"no—!"

your scream is cut off by a hand cupping your mouth. jaemin pulls your back towards his chest, molding your body against his as jeno licked and suckled all he wanted, thankful to have the other boy there to not worry about restraining you and keeping you quiet while he has his fun.

"ah, ah, ah," jaemin teases, going hard over the pleading and teary look you sent his way. it looked pathetic, he wasn't going to lie, but it doesn't mean he didn't love it. "just keep still and appreciate jeno's efforts to take care of you, alright baby?"

you don't like how he talked as if this was all a mutual thing, how he talked slowly like you were some toddler who didn't understand anything.

it's cruel how jaemin giggled and basked in your vulnerable state as he kept his eyes pinned on you while undoing the zipper of your skirt. your muffled cries of his name only serving to egg him on.

the way he stared was similar to jeno, too intently and intrusive, like he wants to burn your image of despair in the back of his head.

you whined involuntarily when jeno got bored of all the licking and thus decided to start biting and nipping at your chest instead. he was hypnotised by how responsive you were, how every little bite and nibble made you shudder.

it was a shame that jaemin had to cover your mouth. he didn't get to hear your pretty mewls but it wasn't as if he'd let the night end without hearing them loud and clear.

jaemin is fast in undressing you, feeling slightly betrayed by how quick your skirt and blouse fell under his hands.

you know what he wants, what he's going to do, and the tears fall harder when you can't dodge away from him. forced to endure and accept whatever they give you.

"you act like you don't like it but look how fucking wet you are," you bit your lip hard when jaemin starts circling the pads of his fingers against your clit, fascinated by how more juices streamed down your thighs.

"jeno, do you see this? fuck."

you can only blink in defeat, staring off to the side as you force down any noise bubbling up your throat, forcing yourself to think of anything else other than what's happening right now.

you try not to think about how they managed to tear all of your clothes off while they're left completely dressed. tried not to think about the fingers lazily drawing up and down your slit to collect your essence.

if they're doing this as a way to further humiliate you, it's working.

"slut," jeno mocked, a wicked curl on his lips when he wraps his fingers around your throat. the moment he dives down to claim your lips again is the same time jaemin pushes two fingers inside you.

"look at how wet you are because of me," jaemin whispers hot against your ear and you feel a sick churn in your stomach when you feel his smile against your skin.

he purposely drives his fingers in and out quicker, settjng a brutal pace, wanting you to hear the lewd squelching sounds. "hear that? do you hear that, darling? that's because of me—"

"don't go talking big now, jaem," jeno retorts, pulling away from your lips to start nibbling on the back of your ear. "i was here first. did you see how she fucking reacted when i sucked on her tits?"

you're quick to catch how jeno particularly loved degrading you. but how he talks about you as if you're literally not in front of him naked made you hit a new all-time low.

you felt… filthy.

his hands find purchase on your butt—only because jaemin has already claimed the front. for now.

you close your eyes tight when he painfully squeezes the flesh of your ass. you swear, his blunt nails will paint your skin black and blue.

"i'm the favorite!"

"i'm the favorite!"

as someone who's part of a varsity team, you already knew a competitive nature runs through jaemin's veins. but never had you thought jeno would share the same sentiment. once again they prove that they're cut from the same cloth.

all of a sudden it wasn't all about claiming you as theirs anymore rather it was all about who can make you moan the loudest, who can make you cum the most, who can make you feel the dirtiest you can be.

you're absolutely terrified for the hours to come.

thankfully, they have yet to ask for your verbal opinion or validation. they let your body do all the talking—every repressed shudder and sharp gasp is enough.

but it's game over once they pop the million dollar question.

"who do you like best?"

you don't want to find out the consequences if you actually answered their question because you didn't know what could be worse.

jaemin's manipulation or jeno's aggression?

but it was all normal. trial and error is inevitable in order to build and mold you into the ideal lover for the both of them.

because adding someone new to the mix has never been easy—after all, three's a crowd.

[elminx]

Energy Update: Mars in Gemini, August 2022

Yesterday Mars, our planet of Action, entered the mutable air sign of Gemini where it will remain for the next seven months. The reason for this is that we will be undergoing an intense Mars retrograde cycle that begins on 10/30 and continues into the new year ahead.

Welcome to the great indecision of 2022-2023.

If you are familiar with the energies of the signs, you might know Gemini as the sign of many minds. As our mutable air sign, Gemini is concerned with the mercurial activities of thinking. Gemini as our first air sign is about the expansion of thinking - first, you explore in Aries, then you break ground and settle in in Taurus, and only then, once you have found and created a structure in your life can you start to wonder - what else is there?

(Spoiler alert - the answer is everything)

Where Gemini can flounder is that once you expand beyond your immediate needs, you will find a whole world of options that you never considered when your whole being was focused on a place to live, a place to eat, and a safe space to sleep at night. Gemini often sees so many options and they all look so exciting. Gotta collect them all - or try them all at the very least.

You can see why this energy does not combine particularly well with the drive needed to propel forward action (signified by the planet Mars). Though exploring every option available can be fun and enriching, it's not known for getting anywhere. The biggest problem is that when Mars gets too stymied and feels immovable, his next course of action is often to get destructive. With our final Saturn-Uranus coming to a head and keeping us in a vice grip (a world aspect) and some very important midterm elections on the horizon (for us US folx), this is a bit troubling.

This message, per usual, isn't meant to scare you - instead, it's meant to make you aware of the greater energies descending upon us to add some context to the events that will (likely) unfold in our lives over the months ahead.

This isn't the easy road but then again, there hasn't been an easy road available since almost all of our planets met up in the sign of Capricorn in January of 2020. These transits that we have been undergoing for two and a half years are WHY we live in "interesting times." We can't make the transits go away, but through our understanding of the planets, we can learn to live with them and work through them.

The other major impact that will affect Mar's seven-month journey through Gemini is that of our lunar nodes. It is worth noting that earlier this year, the lunar nodes switched from Gemini-Sagittarius into Taurus-Scorpio. The reason that this is noteworthy is that our North node, until recently, was in the sign of Gemini where Mars will reside now AND our South Node is now in Scorpio which is co-ruled by Mars (and Pluto). This is a bit of a double whammy - supporting the same message of the upcoming retrograde: we will have to move backward in our Marsian pursuits in some way.

Some actions, already taken, need to be reviewed and redone.

By the end of the first quarter of 2023, however this will have gone down will be mostly resolved but until then we will likely have to sit in the indecision of this all. It is going to feel uncomfortable (as indecision often does). There will be no ready or easy answers. Things may start and stall out over and over again. Expect mixed messages (Gemini is one of our "lie to me" planets) and broken promises.

The big flex during the next seven months: if you can't rely on other people (or institutions), rely on yourself. It will be hard to get up every day and take steps to better your own life when it seems like nobody else has got your back. Do it anyways. As long as you are moving forward, no matter how slowly, you are still moving.

And, at the end of this all, note this: if you can keep moving through a Mars retrograde in Gemini, you can (truly) do anything.

[atangledfate]

She didn't know the whole story to the conflict, not really. Sonic and Amy seemed to have kept the event under wraps. But she knew enough to know they fought. But there origins, were still a mystery to Wave. At least she didn't know all the details, but with what Kit said some things were falling into place. Downloaded? that was a key piece of the puzzle and Wave was able to quickly fill in some holes.

She knew who starline was if only because they helped grab the emeralds from the zeti. Eggman threw his ass out before they arrived but they all made no point in hiding how pissed they were. So he lived? caused more problems by the sound of it. These two were his little pet projects? What had he done to hem exactly? how deep did it go, she wanted to know more but figured asking was to personal. She'd have to do some digging on her own.

She placed her hands behind her head as she let the kid and Surge set up. She just gave Surge a sideways glance with a rather smug grin on her beak.

" We Babylon's always give 110%! it's just not in our blood to half ass a race. Don't you worry! I'll be sure and wave to you as your eating my dust "

She gave Surge a cocky smile as she placed her foot back into a racing position. The gear starting to hum with energy as its anti-gravity drive came online. The energy swirling around the gear hummed with Ark energy.

" Mmm listen to my baby purr... nothing sounds quite like it... all the research into the Arks finally paying off--- lets start that count down! "

A little drone buzzed down between them and a flashing holographic 10 count began to count down. Wave taking her starting pose as she revved her Gears engine, causing the ground to throw up dust below her, and the air to ripple under her gear. The Alien energy wasn't chaos energy, or Wisp Energy but a unique power cell used in ancient babylon tech.

this was it! finally she could test her new baby against a real challenge! she just wondered how she'd hold up! Her eyes turned to lock with Surges, and she winked playfully at her. As the timer went down and down. Wave felt her heart start to race, her adrenaline start to build in anticipation! why was it only Jet could be excited for a race?

3.....

2...............

1........................

GO!!!

The drone flashed its go sign and Wave blitzed forward with a flash of violet energy! Her gears were all high acceleration and control, meaning she didn't need to slow down, on curves or waste energy building up speed again! It lacked the raw power of a Type J but made up for it in pure handling! But that was why she chose the ravine! full of sharp curves, tight twisting turns and the terrain on the floor was always a challenge to deal with. Falling rocks also a threat but it was the edge she needed she hoped to keep up and give Surge a challenge.

" Let's see what your made! "

"Starline assumed we'd have a need to read and speak Babylon so he download all information Eggman had on it and transferred it into my brain." Kitsunami personally didn't see a point in it at the time, though supposed it was something that could come in handy now that he was staring to make his own extreme gear.

The fennec would then hit a few buttons on a control panel he held which moved the camera's into various place along the holographic outline of the track. "All set to get the data. Put this on you chest," he said, tossing Surge a small device.

"Right, ya wanna monitor my vitals and all that shit," Surge said, slipping her hand inside her shit and put the device on her chest before putting her hand back through the sleeve of her shirt. The tenrec still wasn't sure why Drippy was so worried about her vitals and shit, though she was sure he had his reasons.

"As fun as it sounds knocking ya around all over the track I'll be focusing on running it out. If I had a rule it's if I think ya holding back on me then I'm fucking out." Whatever Surge had in her back pocket it seem to require the race to be taken seriously. The tenrec was smart enough not to reveal her cards so easily.

"Then you better be ready for me to rub it all in ya fucking face." Surge was more than okay with bragging about her victories. The tenrec would stretch her legs a bit more, wanting to make sure her muscles were nice and loose before things started. With that she put her hands on the ground and got ready to dash off.

[thunder-at-dawn]

October 5th

word count: 1,801

prompt: cuddles

summary: sapnap can’t find a single blanket or pillow anywhere in the house. when he finds the thief, a small punishment comes to mind.

i became very switch for quackity while writing this LMAO

warning: this is a sfw tickle fic! don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable :]

Sapnap had gone through a very simple day. He mainly stayed at home, and his two fiancés did the same. So if he had barely done anything, then why was he so tired?

He really couldn’t explain it to you if he wanted to. It was as if any energy he had was just… drained from him. So when he went into the shared bedroom, he fell onto the bed like a skydiver, his arms spread out as he fell onto the soft surface of the mattress.

He turned around in the bed, staring at the ceiling. Karl and Quackity were elsewhere in the house, and he was alone. As much as he loved sleeping in bed with them, he needed some alone time. There was only one small problem, and he was too tired to realize it at first.

Where was the blanket?

Laying upon the bed, Sapnap realized there was no blanket on it. He got up and looked around, it hadn’t fallen onto the floor. So next, he checked the closet where all of the blankets were kept. Not a single one was there. And all of the pillows were missing, too!

“…What?” Sapnap mumbled, extremely confused.

He walked around the area, checking every room. Every blanket and pillow in there previously was gone. Where the hell were they? He had not a single clue. It wasn’t until he stepped in the living room where he found the source of where they all were… and who the culprit was.

“Hi, Sapnap!”

“…Hi, Karl.”

Turns out, Karl was a blanket thief. Well, Sapnap already knew that he would sometimes hog the blanket in bed at night, but he had stolen every blanket, every pillow, and a few chairs to make a humongous blanket fort in the middle of the living room.

“Do you like my fort?” Karl asked, beaming with happiness.

“Um… yeah. It’s nice.” Sapnap nodded, letting out a yawn. “I, uh, kinda need a blanket though. I’m about to go to bed.”

“You’re going to bed?” He looked up, stepping out of the fort. “What? No. If you’re going to sleep, you have to do it in the best way possible. And that is inside of a blanket fort!” Karl grabbed Sapnap’s hand, leading him inside. The area was nice and cozy, and Sapnap found himself instantly relaxing, laying down on the floor of blankets.

“How long did it take for you to set this up?” He asked.

“A while.” Karl chuckled. “The blankets kept falling off of the chairs, and I got trapped under them a couple of times.” He watched Sapnap laying down, and how his eyes were struggling to stay open.

“You just came in here, are you really that tired?” He asked. Sapnap nodded, and he smiled softly. If his fiancé was going to fall asleep here, he would make sure it was a good rest that he was about to have. He started moving things around, putting a pillow under his head, and pulling a blanket over the two of them. Sapnap smiled as his lover took care of him, and the two of them smiled as they looked into each other’s eyes.

“C’mere.” Sapnap said lazily, pulling Karl towards him and wrapping his arms around his waist. He held him close, the warmth of their body’s accompanying each other. His steady breathing trailed along the side of Karl’s neck as he adjusted himself. However, he was soon distracted by sudden twitching from Karl.

Karl turned to Sapnap, seeing a mischievous glint in his eye. Both of them knew what his next move was going to be, and Karl started to giggle nervously. “Sahap- noHOho- dohon’t!”

Feeling fingers start to wiggle along his sides, Karl squirmed in Sapnap’s grasp. Even though he was tired, Sapnap still held a firm grip on him, it was quite surprising. His touches were light and soft, and it was driving Karl mad.

“You’re so cute.” Sapnap leaned over, breathing the words of affection into his neck. Karl scrunched his shoulders up, currently in a giggling frenzy.

“Nohoho- wahAhait!” Karl snickered.

“No, you’re not cute? Well, that’s a lie! And it looks like I’ll have to let you know how truthful it is.” Sapnap chuckled, speeding up the movements of his fingers along Karl’s sides. The time traveler squealed, squirming around more, and then calling out two dreaded words.

“QuahaHACKihity! Hehelp!!”

Oh shit.

Aggressive flapping could be heard down the hall, getting louder by the second. To keep him firm, Sapnap hugged his fiancé tighter, wiggling fingers digging into his sides. The other squeaked, kicking his legs as he laughed softly. Suddenly, a third lover entered the fort.

“Karl?! I heard you call, what’s going on?” Quackity asked, looking down.

“Hehe hahas mehe trAHApped!” Karl giggled as the newcomer surveyed the scene.

“Oh, come on. He was being cute.” Sapnap insisted, watching as Quackity’s lips formed into a smirk.

“Aww, Sapnap, how could you? You’re making our beautiful fiancé laugh, and you didn’t invite me?!” He chuckled, noticing Karl’s panicked expression.

“Awww, what’s wrong, mi amor? Are you just a little bit too ticklish, by chance?” The duck hybrid asked, sitting down and lightly scratching at his bare stomach, which was exposed from his hoodie being pushed up in his struggle. Karl squealed, covering his now red face.

“DOHON’T! Dohon’t saHAY thaHAT!” He instructed with a muffled voice.

“Don’t say what? Tickle? Well, I don’t see what’s wrong with it!” Said Quackity, scratching Karl’s stomach ever so lightly. “Tickle, tickle, tickle! Tickle, Tickle, Tickle~!”

“I CAHAhan’t! GuhuHUYS!!”

“Alright, that’s enough.” Sapnap decided, smiling as Karl still giggled from feeling Sapnap’s breath on his neck. As the surprise attack ceased, he let go, and Karl curled up into a ball, still giggling.

“Eres tan adorable, mi amor.” Quackity whispered, slowly running a hand through his hair. Karl soon sat up, smiling at the two of them.

“You really think that?” Karl asked. He and Sapnap had picked up some Spanish from being with Quackity, and he was able to figure out that he just called him “so adorable.”

“Of course!” Quackity lightly caressed his cheek, holding his hand underneath Karl’s chin. Karl leaned forward, smiling softly.

And that’s when round two began.

That’s when Quackity felt Karl’s hands dig into his armpits and start to scribble furiously.

“FuhuHUHUHAHA- SHIHIHIT!” Quackity screamed, his duck wings flapping violently.

“Revenge!” Karl giggled sweetly, taking his eye off momentarily to look at Sapnap. “Come on, help me out!”

After a moment of consideration, Sapnap sat up, moving towards the other two. Quackity shook his head as he noticed him approaching.

“BaHAHACK OHOFF!” He warned, yelping when Sapnap placed his hands on his shoulders.

“Why should I?” He whispered, his breath dancing across Quackity’s neck, just as he had done with Karl earlier. The gambler grabbed his beanie, pulling it down to hide his face. The other two used this to their advantage, Karl pushing Quackity to the cushioned floor. He took his hands out from under his arms, and Quackity was more relaxed.

That is, until he felt hands spreading his wings out.

“W-WAIT! Nononononononoooo…” The avian shook his head back and forth, and his lovers knew that his face was only getting more red from underneath the hoodie.

“Oh, come on. Gotta get that cute laughter out of you somehow.” Sapnap chuckled, firmly pinning Quackity’s arms above his head. Once he was held firm, Karl started to slowwwly scratch at the surface of his wings. Quackity screamed, kicking his legs and wiggling back and forth.

“NAHAHAHAHAAA! WAI- WAHAHIT!” He snickered, squirming as much as he could.

“Aww, there we go.” Sapnap breathed softly on his neck, watching him giggle like a child and scrunch up his shoulders.

“GUHUYS, PLEHEHEAHASE!!” He pleaded, laughing as Karl picked up the pace a little bit. After an extra bit of kicking and screaming, he slowed down, and Sapnap pulled the hat off from his face.

“Awww, your face is red! Look at how cute you are!” Karl beamed, leaning down and planting kisses on Quackity’s neck. Giggles fell out of his lips, and he sat up once Karl finished.

“Ahalright, alright. Your turn, Sapnap!” Quackity grinned, tackling him into a pile of pillows and digging fingers into his ribs. Sapnap had no time to react, and attempted to grab at his hands while chuckling softly.

“Noho- cohome ohon!” He threw his head back, attempting to push him off.

“What?! You’re the only one who hasn’t been tickled out of the three of us!” He giggled, moving his hands up and down. Karl came over as well, lightly tracing fingers along his stomach.

“KaHAHarl!” He squeaked, moving a hand to push at Karl now.

“Hi, Sapnap!” The time traveler giggled, starting to scratch now. His chuckles quickly turned into laughter, he squirmed around, trying to fight them off.

“Yohou’re bohoth ahasshoHOHOHOHAHA- SHIHIT!! KAHARL!!” Sapnap felt a raspberry ripple through his stomach, the fabric of his shirt enhancing the sensation.

“And you always brag about being the least ticklish out of the three of us…” Karl rolled his eyes, planting smaller raspberries and assorted kisses along his stomach.

“YohOHOu’re bohohOTH wohorse!” He insisted, hiccuping through his laughs, and then snorting.

“Did he just snort?!” Quackity grinned in astonishment, looking between the other two fiancés. “I’ve never heard him do that before!”

“Oh yeah, the stomach is a total snort spot!” Karl nodded, watching as Quackity grinned evilly.

“Right here?” He asked, sliding his hand under Sapnap’s shirt and clawing at his tummy.

“DuhuHUDE- DOHON’T!” He snorted again, weakly batting at his hand.

“How come I never knew this before? Were you hiding this spot from me?!” Quackity asked, now clawing with both hands. Sapnap squealed, hugging himself across the chest and accepting his giggly fate. Eventually, the two of them stopped, laying down next to Sapnap on each side.

“You’re so adorable. Both of you.” Karl grinned, adjusting the pillow that he was now resting his head on.

“Even if you’re mischievous as hell.” Sapnap chuckled.

“Me? Mischievous? You’re the one who started this!”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t be so ticklish then!”

“I’m not that baHAD- Hehey! Dohon’t pohoke me!”

“I’m just proving my point heHERE- Quahackity!”

“What? I’m not doing ahANYthihing!”

The banter continued, and the three of them poked at each other, and snuck in a couple more tickly attacks, until the three of them were reduced into a giggly pile of soft laughter. The comfort of the fort brought ease to the three, as well as the warmth of the blankets, and their bodies. The laughter and chatter reduced down slowly, to the point of silence, when all of them had fallen asleep, wrapped up in each other’s arms with smiles on their faces.

[aspoonofsugar]

Jaune: Zero to Hero

Pyrrha: It's not about why; it's about knowing. Understanding dark and light helps us manifest our Aura. Everyone has some of both.

Knowledge, Creation and Destruction all lead up to Aura. This is just another way to say that they lead up to individuality, which is something Grimms lack:

Pyrrha: They are creatures of Grimm, the manifestation of anonymity.

Individuality is conveyed through Choice. This is why Choice is the most important and final gift. It is symbolic of self-actualization, which is what our characters are pursuing in their coming of age story.

Jaune’s personal arc comments the group’s collective journey and marks each stage very clearly.

In which way does it happen? And what do these stages mean for Jaune’s growth as an individual?

THE IGNORANT WARRIOR

Pyrrha: Jaune, do you... know what Aura is?

Jaune: Psch! Of course I do! Do you know what Aura is?

Jaune is introduced as inexperienced and ignorant. He lacks combat experience and knows nothing about key concepts like Aura, Landing Strategy or Semblances.

His journey starts because Pyrrha shares her knowledge with him:

She awakens his aura, his very soul and later on trains him, so she helps his body get stronger:

In other words, Pyrrha is the one who puts Jaune on the right path to become a true “hero” and a “warrior”.

This is Jaune’s objective since the beginning, but he initially pursues it in the wrong way:

Jaune: I don't want help! I don't want to be the damsel in distress! I want to be the hero!

He is fixated on an idea of hero which is outdated and has its root in toxic masculinity:

Jaune: Cause this is always what I've wanted to be! My father, my grandfather, and his father before him were all warriors! They were all heroes! I wanted to be one, too. I was just never good enough.

This is why symbolically Jaune wants to be like his male ancestors. He wants to grow into “a real man”:

Cardin: Let's see how much of a man you really are...

And this is conveyed also through his Weapon:

Jaune: It's a hand-me-down. My great-great-grandfather used it to fight in the war.

Jaune did not forge his own Weapon, but he inherited it. Crocea Mors initially represents the legacy he wants to live up to. However, this legacy, instead of driving him, slows him down because he can’t grow until he remains in his ancestors’ shadow. Jaune needs to develop his own individuality instead.

In order to do so, he needs to grow not only as a figther, but as a person too.

As a matter of fact, Jaune’s ignorance is not only limited to the world he has stepped into, but also to the people around him:

Jaune: That's easy for you to say. You've probably got guys clamoring over each other just to ask you out.

Pyrrha: You'd be surprised.

He is so self-focused that he does not notice others’ feelings and hurts them unintentionally.

However, Pyrrha teaches him once again:

Pyrrha:Tell her exactly what you said. No ridiculous schemes, no pick-up lines. Just... be honest.

 It is thanks to her that Jaune manages to become a better man:

He is even able to call Neptune out the way Pyrrha did with him:

Jaune: Then just go talk to her. No pickup lines, no suave moves, just be yourself. I've heard that's the way to go.

And as a result, even Jaune’s relationship with Weiss gets better:

Weiss: You said you were embarrassed at first. What made you come talk to me?

Neptune: You're looking at him.  You got some good friends looking out for ya.

Because the girl realizes Jaune is not only after her money or her romantic attention:

Weiss: All my life, boys have only cared about the perks of my last name.

But wants to genuinely be a good friend to her.

In short, Jaune starts the story as immature both as a fighter and as a person to the point that he is considered unfit and annoying by other characters:

Glynda: I don't care what his transcripts say. That Jaune fellow is not ready for this level of combat.

However, thanks to Pyrrha, he is given the chance to mature.

Not only that, but while other characters see a weakness and a nuisance in Jaune’s ignorance and inexperience, Pyrrha sees it as a possibility:

Weiss: Jaune, is it? Do you have any idea who you're talking to?

Jaune: Not in the slightest, snow angel.

Weiss: This is Pyrrha.

It is specifically because Jaune is new to Pyrrha’s world that he is free from bias:

Pyrrha:  That's what I like about you. When we met, you didn't even know my name. You treated me just like anyone else. And thanks to you, I've made friendships that will last a lifetime. I guess, you're the kind of guy I wish I was here with. Someone who just saw me for me.

This is why Pyrrha feels she can forge a genuine bond with Jaune. What is more, the girl has faith in his potential:

Pyrrha: It's all right. I used my Aura to unlock yours, but the energy that protects you now is your own. You have a lot of it.

She sees in him what others do not and helps him develop both as a man and as a warrior.

This is well highlighted by the metal motif the two characters share.

As @hamliet explains here Rwby has several characters linked to the seven metals of alchemy.

The goal of alchemy is to create gold thanks to a process of refiniment that purifies the metal and has it go through several transformations. 

The seven metals are nothing, but a scale that goes from the heaviest and most raw metal (lead) to the most purified (gold) passing through the others (tin, iron, copper, mercury, silver).

For a story, it simply means that a character goes through a process of change that leads to self-actualization.

In Rwby this idea is conveyed through specific characters embodying a metal (Ironwood, Penny, Mercury) or even thanks to metal motifs commenting a specific part of a character arc.

For example, Yang is associated with gold:

I am the golden one Who burns just like the sun

But Adam takes her arm away and has her regress in the scale of metals to iron. This regression is not simply physical, but psychological as well:

However, Yang re-affirms herself and moves forward. The first step of this process is to symbolically make her new arm “gold” again:

When it comes to Jaune, I think that he may be the character associated with lead aka the “prima materia” that needs to be molded into gold. Even if this is not true, metal is at least definately still a motif in his arc, as it is in Pyrrha’s. This is why both characters wear metal armors, differently from others.

Pyrrha is already close to her self-actualization and she reaches it in the climax of the Vale arc, where she completes her (tragic) arc and dies a Maiden.

This is why her armor is gold, while Jaune’s is white and gray. Pyrrha is at the top of the metal scale and close to the end of her journey, while Jaune is respectively at the very bottom and at the very beginning.

He is the embodyment of the prima materia that has potential for greatness, but only if he is rightly guided and if he himself works hard.

Pyrrha takes over herself the duty to help Jaune mold himself.

This is underlined also by Pyrrha’s semblance:

Pyrrha: Well, Ruby has her speed, you have your glyphs. My Semblance is polarity.

Pyrrha can control and bend metals and she shows her power for the first time when she helps Jaune against the Ursa, so that he can overcome his self-issues.

So, Jaune starts the story as the lead and is going through a path of self-refinement which will lead him to become gold, so more similar to Pyrrha herself.

Pyrrha offers him the basic knowledge to start this journey, but unluckily leaves him too soon and now Jaune has to move forward on his own.

THE CREATIVE AVENGER

Pyrrha: I want you to know that I'm just happy to be a part of your life. I'll always be here for you, Jaune.

Even after Pyrrha’s death, this stays true:

Blacksmith: That was some fine metal you brought me. Accents the white nicely. Where'd you get it from?

Pyrrha has become a part of Jaune.

This is a recurring motif in Rwby:

Penny: I won’t be gone, I’ll be part of you.

It is the idea that grieving is a process that leads to acceptance, but also to integration with a lost one. It is a way to have the deceased keep on living through the survivors.

In Jaune and Pyrrha’s case, this is conveyed through Pyrrha’s metal being used to enrich Jaune’s Weapon.

As stated by Ruby:

Ruby: Just weapons? They're an extension of ourselves! They're a part of us! Oh, they're so cool.

Weapons are symbolic of the self, just like Semblances.

What is more, Weapons and Semblances are also a declination of the dychotomy of body and soul, presented by the series.

Weapons are wielded by bodies, while Semblances are a materialization of the soul.

In other words, Pyrrha’s gold becoming a part of Jaune’s Weapon is symbolic of Jaune’s first step in a painful process that will lead him to overcome his partner’s death and to inherit Pyrrha’s legacy.

Jaune must keep on learning from Pyrrha and become more like her. As noted by @hamliet​, this is symbolized also by Jaune’s design aquiring more golden details as he goes on in his journey:

Jaune: Guess I was going to grow out of it eventually.

Ren: A sign of progress.

Jaune: Progress.

That said, grieving is not easy and Jaune must struggle with much pain and negative feelings.

This is why the changes he makes to Crocea Mors are finalized to increase its attack power:

It is because Jaune feels anger over Pyrrha’s death and wants revenge.

In the Battle of Haven he gives in to his fury and tries to kill Cinder. He is trying to superficially imitate Pyrrha’s sacrifice:

Jaune: If I die buying them time, then it's worth it. They're the ones that matter.

However, he is not doing it out of bravery or necessity, but out of recklessness and self-hate. This is why his actions lead to this:

Once again, Jaune risks to lose another loved one:

Jaune: No, no, no, no, not again! Weiss, c'mon, please!!

However, this time he is able to save Weiss thanks to his Semblance:

Jaune: My Semblance?

Nora: How else do you think you're healing her, dummy?

Jaune gives up on using his Weapon to fight and chooses to use his Semblance to cure. He chooses soul over body and Creation over Destruction.

At the same time, Jaune’s activation of his Semblance is meaningful on two levels:

Jaune: No. I don't think I'm healing her. Our Aura heals our bodies. It feels... it feels more like I'm using my Aura to amplify hers!

Nora: Wait, aren't you worried about running out?

Jaune: Pyrrha once told me I've got a lot of it. I still believe her.

First of all, Jaune’s Semblance is rooted in the idea that people heal themselves. His power is not to cure others, but to amplify others’ auras, so that they can become stronger and can heal. It is about bringing out the best in others. It is a power fit for a leader, but also an ability symbolic of Jaune’s own process of healing. He can heal himself through helping others to heal.

Secondly, Jaune’s Semblance is in itself a nod to Pyrrha. Pyrrha used her own aura to awake his and Aura Amp is simply an evolution of this idea. It is not about activating others’ auras, but it is a power that lets Jaune share his. It also makes good use of something Pyrrha noticed immediately aka Jaune’s huge quantity of aura.

In other words, Jaune ends up acting like Pyrrha in the Battle of Haven, but not because he fights Cinder, but because he shares his gift with others, just like Pyrrha did with hers.

Pyrrha is a part of Jaune both in body (Crocea Mors) and soul (Aura Amp), but Jaune must still truly understand what this means.

He makes progress in Lost:

Red-Haired Woman: She understood that she had a responsibility... to try. I don't think she would regret her choice, because a Huntress would understand that there really wasn't a choice to make. And a Huntress is what she always wanted to be.

This is the essence of Pyrrha’s sacrifice. Jaune comes to understand it and chooses to make a similar choice together with his team:

Jaune: I think... I think she knew she wasn't going to win. That she might not come out alive. But... she also knew she was the only one that could try.

Ren: So she did.

Nora: Maybe we should too.

Jaune: Yeah, we should.

In this way, it will be as if Pyrrha were fighting together with them:

Nora: Pyrrha may not be by our side anymore, but we can fight like she is.

Jaune: And in a way... she will be.

Jaune tries to overcome his anger and his sadness for Pyrrha’s death in order to keep fighting like she did.

So, once again he chooses this:

Ruby: I wanted to protect my friends.

Maria: Precisely! It is the desire to preserve life which fuels the light inside you. And to make no mistake, it is light. Preservation is an extension of creation, or, at the very least, an enemy of destruction. The Creatures of Grimm were made by the God of Darkness, but your light comes from his brother.

He chooses to protect life and this is the essence of Creation.

Once he confirms this choice, he is free to explore Creation’s potential and he does so in the land of Creation itself, Atlas.

He strengthens his shield instead of his sword:

And he trains his Semblance:

Oscar: Nice, your recovery is getting faster.

This all leads him to become stronger psychologically:

Ren: Him on the other hand... There's no fear at all. I can see it, he believes we're going to get this done.

That said, Jaune starts meeting limits to his new found strength rooted in Creation:

Jaune: Ah, sorry. No matter how much I boost you, they won’t go away.

Jaune: Did... I stop the virus?

Penny: No. It’s still there.

Jaune’s way to move forward is to heal himself through healing others. Still, what to do when this is not possible?

THE DESTRUCTIVE HEALER

Penny: No… there’s not enough time to heal me…

Penny: But there is something you can do…

What happens in Atlas is an inversion of Haven.

Penny pushes Jaune’s Semblance away and touches Crocea Mors.

Jaune is asked to give up on healing her and to speed up her death instead. He is asked to choose his Weapon (body) over his Semblance (soul) and Destruction over Creation.

This marks the characters entering the Destruction phase:

Leaving Creation (Penny) behind.

For Jaune, this means that his own self image that he has worked so much to build and to make his own:

And that has been enriched in Anima thanks to Pyrrha...is shattered:

At the same time, he is once again put in a similar spot as Pyrrha:

They both become unwilling agents of Penny’s death because of Cinder (and Emerald and Mercury in the first case):

Pyrrha: Ruby, I... I'm so sorry.

Ruby: Me too. But it wasn't your fault.

Jaune: She's right. Whoever was on that microphone... they're the ones that did this. And we have to make sure they don't take anyone else.

So Jaune’s journey to integrate with Pyrrha, to understand her and her struggle continues.

What now?

It is too soon to say because we have yet to properly start our journey through Destruction and what it is about.

That said, there are two things that are worth highlighting. The first is a motif Rwby is following, while the second is a general theme found in many stories.

1) As @hamliet​ has stated in many metas and as I have written here, Rwby is an alchemical story. Alchemical stories are usually marked by three important deaths. Each death is symbolically linked to a color. They are usually black, white and red. However, sometimes there can be yellow instead of the white or the red. This is the case here, where a resonant death is the yellow death aka Penny’s.

It is a death that happens while the characters are surrounded by yellow:

And it happens through a weapon called “Yellow Death” (Crocea Mors’s meaning). So, it is really not subtle. Penny’s death is meant to mark an important passage for our protagonists, just like Pyrrha’s one (the black death).

2) It is common in stories that deal with healers to explore the concept of death as well.

The basic idea is that a healer is a person meant to cure. That said, they will meet people impossible to cure and that will die on their watch. This is an unescapable truth a true healer must live with.

Let’s highlight this theme is found in works very different for genre and culture.

Let’s have two examples.

Scrubs aka an American comedy about doctors deals with this theme multiple times. In many episodes the characters must simply accept they can’t save a life, but must still not lose hope and keep on living themselves.

Yosano from the manga BSD says so:

Her backstory explores the link bewteen life and death further since it is shown that a power that cures fatal wounds can be used to cheapen life itself:

It is too soon to say if Rwby will explore a similar theme, but the fact that Jaune, (the healer) is the one that has to speed up Penny’s death might be a very powerful and poignant choice. This is true especially because Rwby does not refuse Destruction (and so does not refuse death), but presents it as a principle equal to Creation (so as a part of life).

THE CHOOSING HERO

Jaune’s arc is about living Pyrrha’s death over and over again with different scenarios and outcomes. This happens so that in the end he can finally overcome it.

So far, it has happened three times and each time has been in the climax of an important battle.

The Battle of Beacon has him witness powerlessly to Pyrrha’s death (lack of knowledge and passivity).

The Battle of Haven has him saving Weiss (creation).

The Battle of Atlas has him killing Penny (destruction).

What is more, every time Jaune becomes more proactive and conscious of what he is doing.

In Beacon he has no idea of what is happening. He works with little information and things happen to him without him being able to do anything.

In Haven his actions lead to Weiss being in danger, but he manages to save her. That said, he does not do it consciously. He unlocks his Semblance because of emotional stress. It is an unconscious choice and not a conscious one.

In Atlas he makes a specific conscious choice, but it is a choice that is forced on him because of external circumstances. It is also a choice that is meant to challenge and temporally break him.

In other words, he is slowly and painfully approaching Choice aka self-actualization. Right now, he has to face the consequences of Penny’s death, but this will probably lead him to finally enter the Choice stage and to complete his arc by becoming a “hero” aka gold (probably).

At the same time, this final choice will also be about healing and overcoming grief. It will be the final integration with Pyrrha and him being able to honor her legacy.

After all, we have been told from the beginning what Pyrrha’s fate would have been. We’ve just failed to notice:

Pyrrha: For it is in passing that we achieve immortality. Through this, we become a paragon of virtue and glory to rise above all, infinite in distance and unbound by death. I release your soul, and by my shoulder protect thee.

June and Pyrrha’s bond is eternal and she is meant to be the key character in Jaune’s arc. It is only through confronting and finally overcoming her loss that Jaune can finally self actualize and become the person Pyrrha has always known he could be. Pyrrha will symbolically be with him in this struggle. Her memory will protect and inspire him. 

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

this is a continuation of the other one

Y/N stares at him for a long moment, arms crossed and poking her tongue into her cheek. “Why do I feel like I'm Ariel and you’re the sea witch trying to get me to sing into a shell?”

Harry blinks once. “Sorry, what?”

“Oh, right, that was—that was ‘89, wasn’t it?” Y/N bites back a laugh at the scowl that rolls over Harry’s expression. “After your time, I suppose.”

But Y/N isn’t laughing when she has to spend the next two weeks braless. And although she spends the first day being petty under Harry’s keen eye, by the third day, she’s turned the predicament around in her favor.

“Hey, Harry.” She says one night, stirring her pot of pasta on the stove as she sips her eleven dollar wine. “I have a question about our arrangement.”

Harry, who has been leaning over the counter to soak in the aromas of the food that he longs to taste (and also to get a look at Y/N’s cleavage in the v-neck t-shirt she’s wearing), cocks his head to the side and clicks his tongue. “If you're trying to reduce your sentence, don’t even try it.”

“No, no, it’s not that.” Y/N murmurs, trailing her lip around the rim of her wine glass as she leans against the counter. “I was just wondering if it has to be only braless with a shirt on top, or if I could wear just a bra or bralette.”

Harry blinks once, his mouth falling open in surprise. “I—what?”

“Like, I have this little cotton Calvin Klein bralette, and it’s super comfy, and still gives me some support, but my cleavage and such is still decently on display.” Y/N clarifies with a smug grin, setting down her glass against the fake marble counter as she stretches to reach the spice cabinet. “I think that could fulfill our agreement, no? You know what bralette I’m talking about, right? You’ve probably seen it when you’ve been snooping around.”

Harry looks at her carefully, trying to catch the trick behind her all-too generous offer. He replies in a measured tone, leaning against the fridge as his eyes glue to the way her chest heaves as she teeters forwards on her tiptoes to grab a condiment. “I know the one, yes. Peachy pink, right? With a thick band and slightly ruffled fabric at the center?”

“That’s the one, yup.” Y/N pops the last letter of the word, wiggling her fingers to try and grab the oregano from the highest shelf. “It’s a nice number, I think, and going around braless for so long does my back in sometimes.”

Harry pushes off the barrier he’s using as support, drifting towards Y/N as she stands before her cupboards, one hand propped against the counter to boost herself up as the other fishes for the small container a few inches from the tips of her fingers. He stops right beside her, looking down at her with that same calculating gaze he had across the room. He’s still trying to sus out her angle, but little does he know that what she’s trying to implement is going to work out for both of them.

She’s grown quite fond of the extra attention he’s been giving her, and for some odd reason, she feels a deep sense of pleasure every time she catches him staring at her chest. Maybe it’s the way his eyes glint longingly as he ogles, or the way he’ll chew into his cheek or along his bottom lip or into the side of his finger as he follows the outline of her cleavage, or maybe it’s that when she catches him gawking, he’ll hold intense eye contact with her for a second before casting his gaze away to some other unimportant object.

Maybe it was that one time yesterday where she’d managed to pull an actual reaction out of him. They had been watching a rerun of a Scooby Doo movie, and she could feel his ghastly eyes pinned to her bust, probably because she had lied down on her stomach across her sectional sofa as he had sat on the floor in front of it, so when he turned his head, her chest had been less than a foot away. And as if that wasn’t enough, she had purposefully flushed it against the couch cushion below to make it seem extra plump and appealing, which would have knocked the air from Harry’s lungs if he still had them.

He’d released a soft whimper so broken and needy, Y/N had to fight off a conceited grin to avoid letting him know she was doing this to him with actual intention. She’d pretended not to hear it, but she had allowed herself to indulge the flare of satisfaction that rose from watching him shift his sitting position a bit, as if something were growing heavy between his thighs. His actions had vaguely made her wonder if ghosts could even feel arousal, and if they could, she hoped he was. It was the perfect revenge, because she at least knows that he wouldn’t be able to do anything about it. Not with anyone else, at least.

Y/N watches as Harry reaches an arm up, easily reaching the bottle she’s attempting to retrieve. He swipes his hand across the container, the motion managing to knock it off the shelf and into her awaiting palm. She’s learned that in order to touch objects, he has to put in quite a bit of energy and concentration to succeed in breaking through the dimensional barrier that separates the living from the dead. Garnering the slightest contact can sometimes drain him a great deal, so when he does make it his mission to touch something, he does it with as little impact as possible to save his energy for later, in case he wants to grab something for an extended period of time, or grasp a heavier weight that would require more exertion.  

“Thanks.” She smiles up at him innocently, blinking her lashes with a slightly sultry air as she closes the cupboard slowly.

Harry swallows heavily, glimpsing down at where her chest is still heaving from when she’d made a grand effort to collect the ingredient she needed. He hates how his little cheeky plan had recently become the bane of his undead existence, given that Y/N had recently begun using it to her advantage. But he can’t complain, because he’s getting exactly what he asked for. He just wishes he could get more.

His voice comes out low and strained as his eyes coast back up to meet her own, which are dancing with smug amusement. “You’re welcome.”

“So what do you say?” Y/N asks, uncapping the spice and sprinkling a liberal amount into her sauce. “Think we could tweak our deal?”

Harry pulls himself back onto the counter, tapping his fingers against the surface without making a sound. “I suppose.” He replies after a moment, eyes flickering to Y/N’s chest once more as she leans down to taste the sauce. “The bralette should be fine, as long as it’s not too padded.” He shoots her a cheeky grin. “I like a bit of nipple, you know that.”

“You’re gross.” Y/N scoffs, shaking her head as she sets down the wooden spoon on the stove. “I'm gonna go change, then. Watch this for me, will you?”

And Harry does rather diligently, inhaling the flavorful aromas rising from the stove. He wishes, for the billionth time in his thirty odd years of death, that he could taste food. He knows he doesn’t need it, but even just having its essence pass over his tongue would be enough for him. He misses pasta, he thinks, staring longingly at the noodles boiling away on the stove. And pizza, and fish, and steak, cooked perfectly with a delicious side of mashed potatoes and gravy, just pink enough in the middle that it’s still tender—

“You didn’t burn down the kitchen. Good job!” Y/N’s voice calls from behind, and the ghost turns around with a retort on his lips that quickly falls away once he sees her.

She’s put on the bralette just as she said she would, and it’s everything he’s ever dreamed of. The cotton is thin enough that he can see the clear outline of what he wants through the article, and the halter neckline lands low enough that he can see every dip and curve of her breasts. A band of her stomach is exposed beneath the labeled elastic lining the bottom of the fabric, and the soft skin seems to call to Harry, making him desperate to touch it. Y/N’s decided to swap her sweatpants as well, it seems, as she’s now dressed in a loose pair of heather grey shorts that sit above her belly button and barely cover the curve of her ass. The loose legs flutter up with her every movement, and if she were about to bend over just a smidge, he could—

“How’s this?” The girl asks, flicking her loose hair over her shoulder with a simper. “Does it meet the requirements?”

Harry clears his throat, his words coming out as a pained groan. “God, you’re a fucking bitch, you know that?”

Y/N sputters into a round of airy laughter, coming to stand before him with her hands perched on her hips. Her tone is innocent, but her true intentions are written clear across her face, obvious in the way her lips twitch with evil delight. “How so? I’m abiding to our terms!”

“You’re giving me the world’s worst case of blue-balls, is what you’re doing.” Harry bites back, his sharp jaw clenching and full lips pressing into a bothered grimace. “And you’re doing it on fucking purpose.”  

“You made your casket, now lie in it.” Y/N states brightly, shrugging her brows with finality.

“Harsh.” Harry mumbles, but he can’t fight off the amused grin that tweaks his dimples into place.  

Harry slips off the counter again onto his feet, not being able to stay still. There’s a peculiar buzzing sensation coursing through each of his ghostly limbs, and anytime he stays put, it intensifies to the point where he feels like he’s going to explode into a shower of static.

He saunters up behind Y/N, looking over her shoulder as she regains her previous activity of mixing the contents in the pot while they simmer their way to completion. Despite not being able to touch her, he can still smell her just fine, and her homey scent of chamomile and jasmine are ever welcomed. She just smells so much like a girl, for a lack of a better explanation, and Harry hasn’t been this close to one his own age since before he passed. It’s driving him to the brink.

“I’d give you a taste if I could.” Y/N's soft, teasing voice echoes against his ears as she cranes her neck to look at him. “It’s a family recipe.”

“Yeah...” Harry locks eyes with her for a moment, and his hand instinctively reaches down to grasp at her waist. Instead of being met with the warm sturdiness of what he knows would be her silky skin, he’s met with the typical icy fizzing sensation that constantly haunts him whenever he tries to make contact with a living being. His digits pass right through her hip, though she barely seems to notice, the only palpable indication of his attempt being a cold breeze wafting across her flesh.

He knows it’s something that is extremely easy to brush off, usually as a simple draft from the air conditioning, given the similarities between the two experiences. And that’s exactly what she appears to do as she gives a light, dismissive shiver, not paying it any mind.

The ghost tries his best to keep his disappointment from registering in his mood, and his tone instead fills with an unreadable emptiness that only he can truly interpret. Below it lies a double meaning, and it has to do with way more than just the general desire to be able to experience the taste of good again; it holds a certain longing that pertains to a deeper type of hunger, but again, only he can truly decipher it. “Yeah, I can only dream of it.”

[byulsgrease]

if you arent too busy, can you write a idol!hwasa x idol!reader, wherein they both have to practice with each other for a special stage. However on the first meeting they become starstruck and cant believe somethings are real, but soon warm up to each other?

i'm not terribly busy but this still took a while anyway oops - sorry this took so long anon! here you go :D

if anyone has requests for the other members hmu cuz I've got 2 more hyejin reqs after this one (not that I'm complaining)

"who says we can't do something on our own?"

(hwasa x idol!reader, ~1.2k words)

cw: food + alcohol mention (y'all know how it is)

I named someone Minjeong - it's not Aespa's Winter, idk anything about 4th gen gg's - 민정 is my Korean name so it's just what came to mind

"Hey, wake up. You've gotta see this. GET UP," a voice piercing through the fog of your sleep.

What a rude awakening. Your shoulders being shaken vigorously by a pair of small hands meant they belonged to none other than Minjeong, your youngest group member. You rolled over to glare menacingly at her with one eye open, trying to pull your brain out of the slumber. All you could see was the bright light of her phone shining in your eyes - a video of some kind. But then you heard the audio:

"Have you seen the clip?" asked the interviewer.

"Yes, my members and many MooMoos made sure I saw it"— Moos? Oh, it's Hwasa. WAIT. Both your eyes flew open as you sat up and snatched Jeongie's phone out of her hand to stare at the video. Your mind immediately flashed back to the interview you did last week - they asked who you most wanted to collaborate with, if there were no limitations. Your ears started to heat up at the sheer thought of the flustered mess of an answer you gave - of course you said Hwasa. Both of you debuted relatively close to each other, within a year, but never interacted much over the years. Mamamoo as a group was a force to be reckoned with, but there was just something about Hwasa specifically. You mostly just admired her unique singing voice and undeniable stage presence, and her relentless drive to always be herself in an industry constantly trying to fit women into a box.

Finally snapping out of re-living that embarrassment, your attention turned back to the phone in your hand. The interviewer must've asked her to send a message in response to you, because you couldn't believe that she was waving and saying, "How haven't we gotten to know each other better over all these years? I'd love to work with you on something sometime," curtly dipping her head in a slight bow.

"SEE? You needed to see that," Minjeong rushed to say, full of energy. "And close your mouth, your jaw's on the floor," jokingly pointing.

You side-eyed her and shut your mouth. "Is this what Loco felt like when she called him during Hyena on the Keyboard?" you wondered aloud.

"At least she's not calling you while on camera," she commented, knowing full well that you'd probably embarrass yourself again if she did. "But hey, at least she noticed you! Can I have my phone back now?" It would be a dream come true to collaborate with her, but cross-company collabs... always a pain. that couldn't be helped. The fantasy abruptly ended with demands from your rumbling stomach. Done with your what-if's, you placed the phone back in your maknae's outstretched hand to get up and make breakfast.

~~~~

With award show season rolling around, the crazy scramble of rehearsing for special live stages without leaking sets and collabs began. Checking your email that morning showed a schedule to record the backing track for a special live stage, but that was it. With who? You texted your members a screenshot, but they all told you that block of time in their schedule was empty. A solo stage? The solo mini-album you released this cycle did relatively well, the title track got a music show win, but not a multi-week chart-topper by any means. Possibilities turning over in your mind, you stepped out from your place to head to the company, totally in the dark about what was in store.

The recording studio always smelled the same along with the couches, a comfort for all the insanely long nights and crack-of-dawn early mornings over the years. With a bit of time to kill, you plopped down on one and gingerly patted the worn cushions as some kind of symbolic thank-you for supporting you (literally).

A hesitant but loud knock sent your gaze directly to the door. Watching it slowly open, you leaned forward to see who it was. Needless to say, your jaw fell to the floor again as you clapped a hand over your gaping mouth, eyes widening. Like a soldier obeying a command, you immediately stood up as straight as possible and bowed profusely at Hwasa, sporting a very similar expression on her face (which you failed to notice, your mind running a million miles a minute).

After a series of frantic bows and miscellaneous utterances to each other, she spoke. "It's nice to finally meet you," she said with calm, surveying your frenzied state. "I guess we're granting that collab wish from your interview, huh?"

The red-hot embarrassment leapt to your face. "I...I definitely made a fool of myself answering that question. And our maknae showed me your interview clip too, which was cool, but never did I think it would actually happen," you stammered. I should probably stop talking.

"Well, here I am," she half-smiled coolly. "Let's get started, I'm really looking forward to finally work with you on this," a gleam in her eye and a hint of excitement in her voice.

The studio suddenly felt a lot smaller with her in it, despite there only being your managers, the producer, and the both of you - less people than you and your members alone. Both of you remained relatively quiet the whole time, rather unsure of what to say or talk about. You watched enough MMMTV to know that all the members on their own were shyer than together, and Hwasa knew the same was true for you. But the work basically took care of itself, seamlessly taking turns in the recording booth, witnessing each other's work style and process. The both of you knew your way in front of a mic, seasoned professionals by now. Upon wrapping up, you bowed politely to each other after a quick exchange of KaTalk info, a short and sweet goodbye.

That was... anticlimactic. I mean, it's finally happening - I can't believe it. But maybe I was too idealistic about maybe creating a meaningful relationship with her outside of work... What does she think of me?

~~~~

In the days leading up to the collab stage, you kept going back and forth on whether to reach out or not, despite now being in possession of her contact info. What would you even say? Thoughts of a witty one-liner or relatable meme came to mind, but maybe she'd assume the worst - that you were clout-chasing, or something. Anxieties abuzz, your phone vibrated in your pocket. The KaTalk notification sprawled across your screen. Speak of the devil, it's her.

"Hey, awards season has me stressed. I know you must pretty busy right now too, but I somehow get off early tomorrow if you wanna grab dinner after work?" You had to reread that one. Oh, what? She's inviting me?

Trying not to be weird about responding too quickly, you typed out, "Wow, yeah, that sounds great! ^^ wait, your company doesn't care about you going out to eat during award season?"

"nah, they stopped having that kind of control over us a while ago, we are the money-maker of the company, after all 😏"

"so I guess this means they don't check your phone either ㅋㅋㅋ"

"nope :)"

You proceeded to set a time and place to meet, someplace with meat.

In the process of feasting on an inordinate amount of gopchang imbued with a splash of beer, you learned a fair amount about each other. You talked career, professional aspirations, the weird habits of your members, and more. What surprised you most was the amount of things she already knew about you, having admitted to watching some of your behind-the-scenes content after seeing your interview clip.

"Ah... I'm sorry if I came across as distant during that first recording session," she confessed, pausing to sip her beer. "I honestly didn't know what to do with myself, I felt a little star-struck."

"Oh what?? I felt the exact same, so no worries - and sorry if I came off similarly distant," you rambled back. A bit of silence fell between you, acknowledging the mutual sentiment. You spoke up after a bit, "Thanks for inviting me out tonight, I didn't realize how much I needed this."

"Thank you for making the time, I had fun getting to know you better," she articulated with a smile. "Maybe it'll make the collab stage better," she added on jokingly. You responded with a nod and expression of mutual affirmation.

~~~~

After that, messaging each other became a regular occurrence, that gopchang outing having broken the ice. Honestly, you tried your best to talk about anything besides work, but the baseline of shared understanding connected you in a way that came more naturally than it did with your non idol friends.

You stood across the way from her at the sound check for the final stage, dressed in joggers and slides. Funny to think that you'd be recording this for real in a couple hours, making eyes with the blinking red light on the cameras surrounding you. It sucks that fans wouldn't get to experience the energy and atmosphere of the performance - Hyejin alone is one thing, but adding someone else into her stage presence? Unmatched. There's nothing quite like a live performance - and while you knew everyone in the industry dealt with the consequences of the pandemic, it certainly took a toll to perform and not feel the energy from fans. But realistically, nothing you could do about it. The sound check went over smooth like butter. The stage chemistry came flowing naturally between you both, even when bare-faced and dressed in just sweats.

And when the time came for the actual filming, you both absolutely killed it, an upbeat mash-up of TWIT and your title track. At the very end came a sliver of hesitation before throwing your arms around each other with a big smile for the ending fairy, proud of the work you accomplished together, and a mental fist-pump to yourself for making friends with one of the industry's finest.

Once again walking to a restaurant that served mostly meat to celebrate, you playfully proposed, "We... should do that again sometime." A little puff of air came out her nose in amusement.

"Yeah, we should. Too bad we're gonna have to wait a whole cycle before we can release anything else together again," she sighed longingly.

"Who says we can't do something on our own?"