#We don't have great medicine or a very nice hospital

[pushing500]

What's this? A piece of a mysterious ship has crashed near Parish-by-the-Expanse? Hmm, it's making a terrible mess of the landscape. That rotstink might warn raiders away, and we can't have that! Best go and investigate...

Well, I suppose we should have expected something like this. No matter, I'm sure we can easily deal with it... right?

"Infector mouth" does not fill me with confidence...

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[youngsadlesbian]

BABY'S FIRST GAY PANIC (PART 2) — carina deluca and maya bishop.

pairing: carina deluca x maya bishop x daughter!reader

summary: you start enjoying going to the hospital again and it doesn't take long for your mothers to find out why.

a/n: @sad-x3 asked me for a part 2 of this and here it is. i don't know if i followed the path she wanted, but that's okay. hope you like it! english is not my first language so i’m sorry for any mistakes, guys.

word count: 1,3k

warnings: kinda angst but then fluff in the end, maya being stupid and the most doting mother in the world <3

You loved spending time with your Aunt Amelia at the hospital because she always found a way to let you watch some surgery she was doing, because you were her favorite niece and she did everything you asked.

But there were no surgeries today. Amelia was in the emergency room treating several patients who appeared to be suffering from the same severe headache. Bored and also having a bad headache from the flu, you sat on the floor of the infirmary while putting on your headphones to listen to Taylor Swift. You didn't notice the presence of a teenage girl behind you until she was tapped on the shoulder.

"Do you like Taylor Swift?" That was Nurse Hernandez's daughter who was at the hospital every day after she got out of school. You had seen her there several times during your life.

"Yes, I'm listening to Evermore." You walked away so the girl sat next to you. "What can we say that..."

"He's Folklore's brother." She smiled. And what a smile. "My name is Elena. You are the daughter of Doctor DeLuca and Captain Bishop, right?"

"Yes, but most people just call me Y/n." Elena rolled her eyes. "Want to listen to the album with me?"

"Of course."

You spent hours on end listening to all of Taylor Swift's albums, and when your phone died, you simply talked about anything that came to mind. You discovered that Elena was a really nice girl and you had a similar vibe, which made you automatically enjoy her company. When your aunt looked for you hours later, she caught you laughing like there was no tomorrow with Elena and was almost sorry to end the moment between you.

"Y/n/n, your mom is already going home." You waved goodbye to Elena and went after your mother with Amelia.

It didn't go unnoticed by Carina that you seemed happier and more excited since the morning, she made a mental note to mention this to her wife later. Normally you talked a lot in the car, but this time you were so busy with your phone that it blinked every second with a new notification that she preferred not to interrupt.

At some point you got over your crush on Julie because it was replaced by a huge crush on Elena. You two had become great friends, talking practically all day through messages about anything. It was with you that Elena shared that she had finally had her first kiss.

You fell asleep right after taking your medicine, which really made you sleepy, but not before practically begging your mother to take you to the hospital again.

Teenagers really were very weird.

You were very grumpy after this information, but she made some joke and changed the subject when she noticed your discomfort.

Every possible opportunity to stay at home you used to go to the hospital. At this point, your mother Carina already knew about Elena's existence and thought your friendship with the girl was cute.

Maya hated it. She felt that there was something more between you two and to her you were still a baby. And of course, she was right.

You didn't have a completely platonic relationship. At least not since you decided to admit that you liked her more than just a friend and she confessed that she felt something more too. You never kissed or anything like that out of pure insecurity, but that was about to change.

Heavy rain in Seattle caused part of your school's roof to collapse, leaving all students home for three days until the repairs were finally completed.

Your mother was having surgery that would take a few hours, so you decided to take shelter with Elena in her office. You don't remember exactly what turn your conversation took and made you and Elena start kissing. Much less did you remember when your mothers entered the office and caught you in a compromising position.

"I told you, Carina!" Your mother Maya screamed. You distanced yourself as much as possible from Elena, wiping your face stained by her red lipstick. "There was no way this was platonic."

"Bella, we'll deal with this later. Elena, your mother is looking for you to go home." You ran to Elena and shook her hand before she finally left. That only seemed to increase Maya's anger, scaring you so that you cowered even more on the floor.

Carina approached you and touched your head.

"Bambina, look at me."

"Mamma Maya è arrabbiata con me." You had a habit of speaking Italian when you were nervous. Maya felt her heart tighten with regret for once again letting her anger get the best of her.

"Let me deal with Mamma Maya, ok bambina?" You shook your head and looked at your mother. Your eyes were teary and there were still traces of lipstick on your face. "There's the most beautiful girl in the world. Is Elena your girlfriend?"

"No, mamma. But I really wanted this."

"You're not old enough to date, Y/n DeLuca-Bishop!" Maya shouted. "You need to focus on your studies and nothing else."

"Bella, leave me alone with her." Carina gave her best I think you'd better obey me look when Maya resisted her request. The firefighter left the office in a huff. "Don't listen to what your mother said. If you're happy, I'm happy. Now let's go home."

You didn't talk to any of your mothers the whole way, even though Carina tried to start a conversation. Maya was so angry and you were so afraid that she would freak out and send you to the other side of the world just to get away from Elena that it hurt deeply.

Dinner was also eaten in silence and with you trying to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. Carina wanted to hit Maya hard when she noticed this.

You retired early saying you needed to finish some homework. Only then did Carina let all her frustration out.

"Your daughter needs your support, you idiot!" Carina frantically hit Maya on the shoulder, who tried to free herself from her wife without success. "Sei incredibile, Maya Bishop!"

"I know I overreacted..."

"Overreacted? You were terrible. I think you better fix this before it gets worse."

That's what Maya did. Before knocking on your bedroom door she heard you sniffle and felt like the worst mother in the world.

Maya took a deep breath and knocked twice on your door.

"Y/n/n, it's mom." Maya heard the sound of some things falling before you finally responded.

"Go away."

Then you cried. You cried because you felt like you let your mother down and you felt like she didn't love you anymore and mainly because you were afraid of her forcing you to stay away from Elena.

"I'm sorry, honey. I was too extreme. I'm still learning, you know?" You opened the door a crack and she saw one of your brown eyes staring deeply at her. "I'm still learning how to be a good mother and sometimes I feel like I'm not."

"You are, mom. You're good at so many things but you're the best as being my mom. I was just scared that I let you down."

"You would never be capable of that, little bee. Even if you committed a crime I still think it would be impossible to disappoint me." You opened the door and your mother saw how wrecked you were. Hair standing on end and face swollen from crying. "Come here and hug mommy, please?"

You hugged her and then everything was fine. Because Maya really was bad at a lot of things and hard-headed about pretty much everything, but she was the best mother you could ask for.

[double-0h-no]

Doctor's Note

Prompt fill for both 3000 words and medical staff. This is a… very different kind of thing. Not my usual perspective, not my usual style of writing, but hey, this here is to try new things, and I had fun writing this. I hope you enjoy :)

on ao3

What's it like being a Doctor for Medical at MI6? Well, it goes a bit like this…

Hi. You must be the new Doctor working here, right?

I'm Hermine Dalton, pleasure to meet you. I've been with Six for longer than I'd like to admit to, and I'll be showing you the ropes the next few days and weeks. So, if you've got any questions, fire away. Should I at any point not be around, the nurses know more about the way of things than I do. All right, let's not dawdle. And welcome to the team.

***

Right, so we have a couple of divisions that you're not really used to from a normal hospital, and obviously, we're completely lacking others. No paediatrics, no oncology, stuff like that. A lot more forensic medicine and maybe in ways you're not entirely used to. And we have an intersection with Q-branch, if you're interested in that, namely with R&D where we have some guys who work on toxins and antitoxins and some creative biological weapons. That sounds a lot more malicious than it is, the creative part is mostly about how to target it and prevent the agents from accidentally injecting themselves with it or something similar. Should you wind up there at some point I have one advice for you: Trust the Q-branchers there. If they say "we can't do it like that, the agents will totally do this and that with it", no matter how outlandish it sounds, trust them. They know what they're talking about. All safety regulations are written in blood, and all that.

***

So this is where you'll start out. I know it's not the most exciting, but it'll give you a bit of time and peace to ease into things. So, most of this is from some sort of ongoing investigation. We have a colour coding system for prioritising those things, there's a list on the server. Take your time familiarising yourself with everything, I'm sure you'll get the hang of it fast enough. Tomorrow you can join me for my round with the current patients.

***

Good morning, so glad you'll join me. So, we don't have a whole lot of patients at any time, usually not more than five who are supposed to stay here. When I left last night, we had six patients, let's see how it looks this morning.

Why? Oh, let's just say there is a certain type of patient who is less than inclined to stay put.

Stop them? Oh, no, love. We... it's a recent thing, admittedly, one I've managed to painstakingly build up. It's... Let me explain this to you over a cup of tea after. Let's see the patients first, yeah?

***

So, that's them. Only four patients left, admittedly, but I would have made that bet. Let me show you what we do now.

Of course we'll have a coffee over it. What else is there to do? And we'll take a look at this nice little document there. Okay, so the people who were here last night and aren't anymore, that's Agent Booth, and 004. So, Booth wasn't hurt too badly, he was supposed to stay because we suspected he might have a concussion. He has a wife here in Six, she works in accounting, and they have two kids. So him not being here just means that he wants home to go and see them, and I sent his wife an email when he was admitted. She knows about his medical status, I'm not worried about him, so we'll let it go. Prep the paperwork for him to sign as soon as he's back at work, backdating it all, so that the bureaucracy monster working on the fourth floor is fed and satisfied.

Now, 004, that's a different thing. She had a... Sorry. Sometimes the job still gets to me, too. But she had a... fucked up mission. I don't want her to be alone for even a second, and she's in no good condition healthwise, either. What I do now is, I pull up the Double Oh roster, and check where 003 and 007 are. Three is out in the field, so that road's blocked. Seven is in London. Great. Let me just text him real quick.

Okay. That's done. And now we can only hope and pray.

How I know what? Oh, the mission. Yeah, no, we're not supposed to - hm. Hm. See, that's... It's easier to do than you might think. And not all agents take it too seriously. I know you've only been here for two days, and you already picked up on the reputation of Double Ohs, but...

Yes, they are the worst patients you could wish for. Horrible. Rude. Don't keep to any of your orders. But... They're our patients. I care for them. And with most of them, I've managed to build a rapport. They trust me with details of their missions, so I happen to know more than I'm supposed to. Sometimes, you find out things because you treat them. You'll get practised at it eventually, recognise certain types of injuries, all that. And other times, you have to ask, because maybe they've ingested something, or you need to know what happened to be able to judge how deep the injuries might be, how likely a concussion is, questions are important.

What that third column is? It's their handlers. Let's go through the list real quick. You will not be needing it for a good long while. Treating Double Ohs takes a bit of time until you're at a point where you can make decisions for them without them raising hell on you. But I hope the insight will help you a bit. So the first two columns are the agents and their designations. The next two are their usual handlers. They might change in between missions, but those are the two they trust the most.

If an agent comes in and they are in a really bad shape, you contact their handler as soon as they're stable and look human again. Q-branch needs to know that their charge is home safe and sound. If an agent acts up while they have a bed here, just being a little bitch, pardon my French here, you can also call their handler, and they usually get the agents in line. Do it surreptitiously, though. The agents have not yet caught on to me strategically ordering Q up when I need to get them in line, and I'd rather keep it like that for as long as possible.

Next column is significant others or people that the agents themselves have cleared for me divulging medical information and all. It's empty for a lot of them, but that's usually not as much of an issue as it sounds.

Next columns are people to send after them if they pull a runner. That one I know by heart. The trick is finding out who's available. Scarlett's first contact is, and always will be, Tanner from admin upstairs. Don't know why, I don't ask, don't care. But Tanner's busy, and I have the feeling that she would appreciate someone who knows what it's like to come back from... that. So one of the other Double Oh, then you pull up the roster, check whether they're in, and Bob's your uncle.

Okay, I know that was a lot, but you're a quick study. I know you've heard all the horror stories about our most notorious patients but... Well, I'm sure you'll figure them out. Just don't -- Don't listen too much to others.

***

Oi, come over here, I need another pair of hands! Don't just stand there, it's only blood and there will be more if you don't put your hands right here!

Thank you! Fuck! Fuck!

007, get out of the way now, you did your part, we'll take over from here. We've got her, she's safe.

***

Fuck, I need more coffee. Thanks for that. Sorry for just jumping that on you and barking orders but -- Oh. Yeah, thanks. That doesn't usually happen, mind. By the time we take care of the patients, they're usually not in any immediate danger anymore. We do surgeries, but they're stable, not bleeding out anymore. At least when they get a medevac. 007 has a horrible track record of dragging his sorry arse all the way to London by himself, no matter his physical state. But still... This is not a regular occurrence. Hold on --

Bill? Yeah, she's in room two. She's not awake yet but I don't think she should be alone. Yeah, I sent James after -- Oh hush, you know better than that. She badly pulled those stitches of hers and -- Yeah, I think so. I mean she had wet hair and was scarcely dressed, so... Go see her. Can she stay with you, if she doesn't want to hang around? I'll make sure no one's watching. Thanks.

***

Now, how was your first week? Eventful enough? Exactly what you expected from working at Six?

Yeah I bet. Hope we haven't scared you off. Have a nice weekend, and see you on Monday.

***

Oh, hello. Had a nice weekend? What can I help you with?

What was that? Oh, yes, that's... Yes. I see. Of course. Let's... I'll be right with you. What did you say that they did in Q-branch that caused this?

Right. Of course. Just a regular Monday morning, right?

***

I'd like you to assist me this afternoon, if you don't mind. We've got 007 coming in from his latest mission and he's being transported back in with a medevac. It's not too bad, nothing you haven't seen before in clinic.

***

So, how was that for your first foray into Double Oh field medicine?

Oh no, I dare say he was perfectly pleasant, actually. Oh you sweet summer child. No. That was him being kind.

All right, now, what do you know about the mission?

No no, not the things that Bond told us, however begrudgingly. The rest.

Like what? The wound on his shoulder, for example.

Oh no, that's... older. That shoulder is just banged up. If you want a case study in "how is that human body still moving?", I recommend the files of 004, 007, and the previous 006. He retired, so he, too, is still moving around, just not in active service anymore. No, what I mean is the cuts that we tended to. What happened there?

It's all right, there's no shame in not knowing. I've spent years here learning to read between the lines, and you can do your job without ever questioning the pattern of injuries. Now, what I gather from those wounds is an explosion. The way those scratches were scattered, the kind of shrapnel we got out of the wounds, it all looks like an explosion inside of a building.

Then there's the bruising. It's on the opposite side, so that suggests - exactly, the blast probably flung him into a wall. There were marks on his thighs and arms that suggest close combat. The marks on his neck were the thing prompting me to ask whether wants to get tested.

Why I offer? Most agents are really conscientious about that part. Not 001, but then, I never have to treat him, either. He's sexist like that.

Thanks for your help, by the way. Don't count on Bond hanging around for the night, though. He's mobile enough, he might make a run for it.

***

Oh, hi. Sure I have a moment, what's up?

Whether what--? Oh. Oh!

Right. Sometimes I forget you've not been here for ages with how well you've managed to settle in. No, no, take the compliment.

So Q snuck up here with dinner for Bond yesterday evening? That's kind of him.

Did he? Well, usually I'd say, do with that what you will, but remember one thing, in this very specific case: There is such a thing as plausible deniability. Should two people who work together as closely as an agent and their handler be in a relationship, that might end their working relationship here. There are precautions to be met and everything. Unless that's inconvenient, because they clearly work well together and who would disrupt that. So sometimes, there's nothing where there's something, and everybody knows unless someone comes asking, you see?

Yes, they are. It was the most exciting thing I've seen happen here. They're actually good for each other, if you can believe it. A lid for every pot, as my gran used to say.

004 and Tanner? Oh Lord, no. She's the godmother to his daughters, though. I think they served together. Oh, yes, Tanner's a military man. Doesn't look like it, does he? No, from what I know, they were in some deep shit together and have been inseparable ever since.

Other gossip? I mean, someone probably warned you about the Double Ohs being prone to sexual advances, especially if they think they can wheedle some special treatment out of you. Everything else, I won't tell. I'm sure you've caught plenty on your own.

Now tell me, how's your first month been? Ready to take on your own patients?

***

Hey, could you fetch me a rape kit real quick? I don't want to leave her alone.

She's an agent, she says she's fine, all part of the job, but... She's only human, too, you know?

Thank you.

***

My goodness, I've got to tell you what just happened. So, you know how Nomi's currently here? Well, she just woke up, incredibly high on pain meds, and I went through the usual questions, who are you, do you know where you are, what day is it, and she answered it in absolute Double Oh fashion, and then we got to the current events question and i asked her who the current prime minister is, and she just groaned and mumbled "Don't make me say it'' and I think that counts, too, doesn't it?

Anyway, Miss Moneypenny showed up shortly after, awfully chipper for a Friday afternoon, and spent over an hour in there for the debrief. A bit long for a person who can't string two coherent thoughts together, don't you think?

***

Hey, can you take over Trevelyan's check up for me? My sister's in town and I'd love to meet up with her if you -- Oh thank you so much, you're a lifesaver.

Have you ever had the pleasure? No? Oh, well, it's rather easy, though he might try to get under your skin. Don't let him, he's all bark and no bite. Terry will be here, too -- yeah, PT, that's him, and Camilla from Q-branch -- I know, I know it sounds like a big thing, but it really isn't. Just routine check up, we just all pool together because it's more convenient. Trevelyan is Q-branch's test bunny for their new prosthesis that they're trying to link to his neural pathways and muscle impulses to use a robotic prosthetic that can react to those impulses. Mostly it's Camilla and Trevelyan talking and you and Terry looking pretty until your expertise is called upon.

Yeah, they're actually on to something there. Last time Alec started asking whether they could weaponise the thing, and I'm living in fear ever since.

Oh, right, that was before you. Trevelyan was 006, not too long ago, and he has a propensity for arson and explosions.

Still has, I meant what I said. He occasionally helps out in Q-branch. Those are usually the days when the fire alert goes off somewhere in the building.

I have a note with my standard questions and procedures for this meeting so I don't forget anything, I'll forward that to you. Alec will answer the questions before you can ask them, he knows them by heart.

Thank you so much, I owe you one. No, really. If I can jump in for you at some point, please let me know. All right. Thanks. See you!

***

Yeah, I heard. How... Well, stupid question, but how bad is it?

It's crazy, isn't it? When it's agents, that's no big deal, but Q? I ran into James -- Yeah, probably why he didn't kick up a fuss. You're welcome, but it really only was a coincidence. That man looked murderous, and I would know.

Yeah, he's in there with Q now. And I don't think he'll leave his side. I think M officially assigned him as Q's security detail now. We'll have to take care of the visitors. Not too many and all that. Not a problem we usually seem to have, but there's a first time for everything, huh?

Anything broken?

Cracked ribs are a bitch. I bet he's glad it's not his fingers. God, that's morbid. Okay, I gotta get going. I've got a meeting with the Head of Department.

Don't call him that! You're insulting those old and cranky dragons with that comparison.

Yeah, I also shudder to think what this is about. I'll let you know as soon as I'm done. Take care of the head boffin for me, will you?

***

I know, I can't believe it either! Head of Medical! Look at me, having even less time for my patients from here on out.

No, it's... Wow. Still can't believe it. Then you've got a new old and cranky dragon to complain about.

Thank you so much.

Hey, what would you say to a promotion?

***

I can't anymore. Just shoot me, please. Or let me take a good, deep breath from one of the funny gases we have around. Chloroform, nitrous oxide, I'm not picky.

I mean, I knew that the budget meeting had the potential to be my Waterloo, but this... It's so disgusting to argue for a budget that's supposed to keep people alive. No, we can't cut back on our expenses for the blood bank, we actually need that considering the state of our agents. Goodness.

***

Come on, hon. Go home. You did what you could, and nobody will feel better if you run yourself ragged. You did well. Good night.

[whaliiwatching]

Caught up to the fic!! Absolutely fascinated by all the queer/punk/poc history here, since I don't know much myself. Very sweet chapter as well.

Unrelated question - mostly - but why is it common fanon to depict Noir as the more scarred up of various spiderpeople? Naturally everyone has their fair share of fights, though the only we see sustaining any marks is Peter B and his misaligned nose. Personally, I've taken it as Noir Peter not healing as cleanly due to it being Spider God stuff over Weird Radioactive Healing Factor stuff. Thoughts?

thank you so much!! i’m glad you liked it, & hope the ending was satisfying for ya <3

short answer: hot

long answer, plus a map of my idea of noir’s scars: under readmore :)

i’m not a devout spidey comic/movie fan or a doctor. this is based on conjecture and minimal research!

when i came up with my unmasked noir ideas, i wasn’t influenced by fanon—i hadn’t seen any other fan art, not even when itsv came out. but i can think of a good few reasons that scarred noir is a popular headcanon: evidence of what he’s been through makes him feel more tangible/relatable, the visual difference enhances his thematic individuality as distinct from other spider-people (especially other Peter Parkers), self-consciousness can explain why he doesn’t take off his mask in itsv even around other spiders.

all perfectly valid and interesting reasons! but the first two reasons are doylist and the last one is missing a crucial question: why does he have scars? unless a wound is severe, gets infected, or gets lucky, it won’t usually scar. facial injuries especially need to be really bad to leave a mark. and of course most if not all other spider-people have the healing factor. so what gives??

i like the spider god’s curse influences healing factor idea; it opens up some nice angsty possibilities regarding an inability to Be “Fixed;” no matter how much he tries, he can’t erase/forget what’s happened to him. but i also enjoy the bandaging someone up after a fight genre of fic, and am annoyingly pedantic, so my personal working theory is that the healing factor is not a doctor with ten plus years of experience and an accurate understanding of human anatomy. when a bone really badly breaks, it has to be reset or it’ll heal wrong. to me, the healing factor doesn’t know what ‘right’ is, only ‘fast’ and ‘effective.’ it’s an accelerant, not a substitute for medicine.

so let’s establish the baseline. modern spideys either receive modern medical attention or the injury is superficial enough that they don’t require it. even poverty-stricken peter parkers get rushed to the hospital, because fictional doctors Don’t Care About The Money and/or peter is dolled up in spider gear and who’s going to ignore a visibly beat-up celebrity hero?? plus i honestly believed peter b’s nose was just genetics or smthn. my nose is misaligned and it’s never been broken to my knowledge

to compare, noir lives in 1933 and, far as i can tell, doesn’t rlly garner the same fame and respect from the public as modern spideys do. in the 30s, medicine was meh (they had x-rays but didn’t rlly consider radiation much of a threat, penicillin was still in its infancy, polio was a huge threat, etc) but was also, more importantly, far too expensive for most people suffering during the Great Depression. whatever treatment noir receives after a fight, if any, would look way different from ours. that means his healing factor, which can’t differentiate scars from normal skin or a misaligned bone from a whole one, would be inefficiently assisted or left alone. it would leave its history behind.

on the infectious disease side of things, it’s probably much easier for even noir to recover from less physical ailments like the flu and pneumonia—spider healing factor likely remembers and codes for immunity better than regular immune systems—but without modern drug therapies he’d still be worse for wear, ie internal scarring. mans would have a shorter-than-average parker lifespan if not for the pseudo-immortality of the Spider God

anyway. all this to say, here’s my personal map of parker’s scars. crop tank and daisy dukes to keep tumblr off my ass <3

(tbh this is more for my reference than anyone else’s, i’m sick of looking through my art of Just His Forearms to keep my details consistent, but maybe someone will find it interesting lol)

[colorfulraven]

Smart to send as an ask! Goodbye Blues by The Hush Sound for our artist swap!!

OKAY only a month late but i have been listening to this album off and on for the entire time. it was one of my favorites in high school, so it will forever be intertwined with the emotions i felt (which, as a high schooler, were A Lot).

intro starting off with a big theme of haunting slightly out of tune melodies. this is and will always be what i associate with the hush sound.

honey this song was like a theme song with my first real boyfriend, but i don't think i realized how much until just now. we dated for about a month early freshman year, and then he was obsessed with me until basically graduation.

medicine man "i don't wanna be the one you forget. i don't just want to be your regret" this line slaps.

the boys are too refined really love the plucky arpeggios of the piano. really all the syncopation in this song is so good.

hurricane it's just such an ache-y song in a beautiful way. i hate when people try to pull the love too late card irl cause it's almost always just an excuse for cheating which i can't stand. however, this song almost makes me forgive them.

as you cry such an upbeat break-up song. also i am sorry for constantly just bringing up my high school love life, BUT i did warn you this came out when i was in high school. my senior year prom date, we went as friends and had a great time. he was from another school and lived about an hour away, so he stayed at my parents house after after-prom, and we stayed up all night just talking about life. some time after that, he asked me if i would be his girlfriend (over the phone). later i came to his high school's choir concert (which he was in) and the next day (i stayed at another of my friend's houses cause as mentioned an hour away) we went out to breakfast and it was the MOST AWKWARD THING ever he wouldn't talk and the vibes were just weird. keep in mind, this was the first and only time we had seen each other in person since "dating" and i asked for a kiss before we parted ways. he called me that night to break up with me, which i was expecting cause it was obvious neither of us really wanted to be more than just friends. ANYWAY all that to say this song reminds me of him and that situation.

six (interlude) more albums should have instrumental interludes.

molasses i like this song, but i don't really have much to say about it.

that's okay another sad song (affectionate). honestly this one kind of felt like the transition from high school to university. like, i didn't particularly enjoy high school, but it was known and there were people there that i liked and liked me, and i had made a name for myself.

not your concern i love "i am not your concern, the world will still turn when i'm not around" and it's like a nice way of saying f you to the guy from honey lol.

love you much better this is exactly how i felt when i met my now husband and he was in love with my roommate. obviously, i did make him mine :)

hospital bed this song is very much the same vibes as a band from some of my classmates in uni. every time it came on, even knowing it isn't, once it ended i would start singing one of their songs next.

break the sky i think this song is a good one for the end of the album. it's hopeful.

[dxmedstudent]

Quick question about CPD for GPs. When NICE guidelines get updated do you guys get alerts or a yearly list or something to learn about the new guidance? Basically, I'm really wondering if I can now assume that the GPs involved in my care know about and understand the 2021 ME/CFS NICE guidelines? This is after a bad experience with a hospital specialist where they were completely ignorant of it.

That's a very thoughtful question. Sorry my answer is late, tumblr has a habit of eating my replies when I've half typed them, and then I'm too tired to type them all again.

I'm sorry that your hospital specialist wasn't aware of the current guidelines. I think it's great that you're familiar with the guidelines yourself and that you're ready to advocate for your needs.

In GP land, I think that most of us DO try to get some yearly training on updates - I know a lot of practices arrange for courses for their staff to stay updated. I received an inch thick A4 booklet of updated guidelines for the course I'm attending soon.

That said, there are a LOT of guidelines with a LOT of fine print. Things are constantly changing, and you do not always get the memo for a while. I can imagine that even pretty on the ball GPs may be a bit rusty on some things - because there us just...a LOT. And GP covers every specialty in human medicine to some degree. So every GP will probably be up to date on some things and slightly rusty on others. That doesn't mean that patients aren't entitled to good care, it means we have a duty to remind ourselves of the most recent guidance if we're not as familiar with a condition or treatment. And it means we should be open about our limitations and seeking help.

I spend what feels like half my life on the NICE website, the BNF and our local formulary and guidelines. I encourage clinicians to be open to saying "I'm not sure where we go from here, let me take a look or get a second opinion, and I'll get back to you".

The other issue that is often not discussed is that sonetimes there will be local guidance released by your ICB or CCG (basically the local services that fund/commission care from your hospital or GP) about what can be offered- and this may be different to what NICE recommends. A particularly egregious example is the postcode lottery that comes with fertility treatment. Sonetimes we simply cannot deliver care in line with NICE guidelines, and it sucks.

Where I've had to differ from NICE guidance, it's often been because we simply do not locally have access to what NICE recommends. I'm not going to assume that's true in your case, bit I think a lot of people don't know about how many limitations NHS services face, so I'm mentioning it here.

You're absolutely entitled to make sure that you're being treated as per current recommendations, and that if your treatment differs, you and your doc both know why your treatment is a little different.

Your GP may well be familiar with the guidelines, but if it seems that they are not, I would discuss the guidelines with them. Sometimes it's even useful to bring them up on the screen together. You can also bring a friend for support if you feel nervous about advocating for yourself. I like to recommend people write fiwn their queries, too - it's what I do when I see my own clinicians. Because when I don't, sometimes we miss pretty big things that I want answered.

And if one consultation didn't go well, there's absolutely nothing wrong with booking another consultation or seeing someone else.

I hope it goes well and that you get the right care for you.

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

A Voice Through the Nothingness Part 10

Series Masterlist

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9

Please drop a comment if you're enjoying my work.

Contains: Fluff, angst, fluff. This is still a slow burn.

4.7 K words

Comment if you want to be tagged or follow #a voice through the nothingness.

“When I look into your eyes, I'm curious to know what you see?”- A.K. Kuykendall

Hazel sighed and texted Billy, "I'm going to be twenty minutes late. Thank you for waiting for me." 

The ping of Hazel's special text tone pulled Billy out of the meeting with Frank in an instant "No worries, bad day at work?" 

Frank chuckled, "You talking to Hazel?" 

Billy nodded, "Yeah, she's going to be late. I just hope she's ok." 

Frank dismissed Billy's worry, "She'd be fine, she's probably just had to deal with some asshole parent and has a mountain of paperwork." 

Billy felt his heart slow, "You're right." 

Her tone sang again, "You have no idea, I'll tell you all about it if you want." 

Billy huffed and texted her back, "Hell yeah." He turned back to Frank, "She had a bad day at work. You got any updates on this senator?" 

Frank nodded and threw the file in his hand to Billy, "Yeah, it's nothing to worry about." 

****

Hazel was precisely twenty minutes late and Billy hopped up off the picnic blanket that he had set up under the tree to help her with the basket, "I'm sorry, I had to go home and have a long shower."

Billy noticed her curls were still damp, pilled on her head in a messy bun. He could smell her conditioner, it smelt like brown sugar and vanilla. "Gross stuff?"

They reached the blanket and she shook her head, "No, fucking anti vaxxers. I didn't want to go near anyone, still covered in whooping cough, I had a quick shower at the hospital and a long one at home. I had to put my scrubs in a biohazard bag, they're soaking in disinfectant as we speak."

Billy chuckled, "Don't get Curt started. We saw what the lack of modern medicine did to people. I don't know how you don't punch idiots like that."

Hazel sat down and gave Billy a look as if to tell him she wanted to, "Neither do I. None of that matters anyway, the kid's improving in the PICU and I got to give a lecture to the parents while the head doc sat in the room with his arms crossed."

Billy sat next to her and laid out the plates while she pulled out the food, "Oh, I loved getting to do those. The idiot looks at your superior thinking they'll help out and they just stand there. Best feelings ever."

Billy went to pluck a grape and Hazel raised a finger, "Those are grapes for the ducks, I bought better ones for us." She held up a bowl and he took one, holding back a moan as the sweet taste filled his mouth, "What about you?"

Billy sighed, "We got another job with a senator from out of state, he's here campaigning for cheap energy and may of may not have pissed off some oil people."

Hazel blinked, "Wow, good luck."

Billy chuckled, "I'm guessing you don't like oil companies?"

She shook her head, "Nope, I hate diamond companies too. I wrote my Master's thesis on caring for children who worked in gemstone mines. Needless to say, your clients and I have very different opinions on jewellery."

Billy gave Hazel a soft smile, "You and be both. We all saw what those thing do and what people did to get them. I look at their fancy watches and their wife's nice necklaces and I hate it."

Billy picked up the little sandwich Hazel had placed on her plate and looked it over, "What's this?"

Hazel smiled, "It's nice, egg and chives. There's also ham and tomato, cucumber, tuna fish, and cream and jam."

Billy took it in with one bite, "Wow, this is great."

Hazel chuckled, "Ok good, because I made more than sandwiches." She picked up a glass container and placed to contents into two little bowls, "Strawberry Salad with Balsamic, it's very good. There's also some mini chicken wraps and tiny chocolate cakes for sweets."

Billy's eyes went wide, "Wow, you are impressive. I've never had such a fancy picnic."

Hael laughed, "Life is too short for bland food. One day I'll make you my super spicy curry.

Billy smiled, "If it's anything like the rest of this stuff I'm not going to say no."

****

Billy rested back on his elbows, his stomach full, "I want to feed the ducks but I think I'm too full."

Hazel chuckled, "Come on, it will be fun and I don't want the grapes to go to waste." She stood up and extended her hands, helping Billy up with a grunt. They walked over to the small pond and say down on the bench before Hazel handed Billy a small handful of the green fruit.

Billy smiled, "You and Lizzy should come to Anvil and have a look around. They've all heard so much about you, so if don't bring you and Lizzy down they'll drag you there."

Hazel sighed, "I don't see why not, you've seen where I work so I should see where you work, it's only fair."

Billy nodded, "Very true. It's nice, very fancy. You can see our training facilities, our meeting rooms, hell we even have a shooting range where you can show me those skills that Frank keeps talking about."

"We'll be there, although I don't know if you want to end spend any time at your shooting range, I might show you up." Hazel knew that would get something out of him.

Billy smirked, "Oh yeah, you're telling me you're that good?"

Hazel nodded and tossed a grape to a honking duck, "Yep."

They fed the ducks until all the grapes were gone and they were both yawning, "Let me take you home, you've had a long day. I came on the subway, so you don't need to worry about my gas."

Hazel sighed, "Fine, you'll ask until I say yes anyway."

They walked almost arm in arm to the station and sat leg to leg as the train moved. Billy picked up on the people in the corners as he got closer but they didn't pay Hazel any attention, until she reached her building.

The man standing there gave her a look, "You good Hazelnut?"

She nodded, "This is Billy we're friends, he's ok."

Billy offered the man a slight smile, "I'm just going to drop her at her door, you don't need to worry about me."

The man smiled back, "Hazel's a nice lady, we're all on the same page here." Nothing more was said as Hazel walked through the front doors, up a flight of stairs and into a hallway.

They arrived at her door, and Billy watched as Hazel checked the corner of the door before pointing inside as she opened it, "You wanna come in for a coffee?"

Billy smiled, "Sure."

Hazel looked down at his feet, "Shoes off, please."

Billy kicked off his shoes and took a good look around, "Wow, this place is spotless, and really nice, did you do all of this?"

She nodded and headed over to the coffee machine, "I did, I fixed up a few other apartments too. One guy owns the whole thing and he's a cheap ass. So I told him as long as he paid for everything, I'd work for free. I've only done mine, Marge down the hall and one for a family downstairs but at least it's not sad yellow paint and decades old kitchens."

He smiled, "Wow, that's amazing." Hazel could see him going over his next sentence, "I saw you check the door before you opened it, I'm guessing for something to tell you if it had been opened. I know it's not my place to ask but are you safe? Because you don't act like someone who is."

Hazel paused making the coffee and turned to Billy, "I am, no one's looking for me, I'm not in deep with the mob. I just have this fear that my ex will get out one day and by the time they tell me, it will be too late. So I'm doing my best to be ready."

Billy smiled softly, "I'm not going to suggest you move to an Anvil protected apartment so someone can do that for you but if you ever need someone to spend the night at your door, just give me a call."

Hazel leaned against the counter before shutting off the machines and handing Billy his cup, "The beans are from Madagascar, vanilla with notes of caramel. You wanna feed Barry while you're here?"

Billy spun on his heel and looked right up Barry who was clearly trying to gain attention for food, "Why not, you got any calms?"

Hazel sighed, reached into the fridge and handed Billy a bag, "Only three, if he eats too much he'll get sick." She walked over a pulled off the tank lid and Billy chuckled and Barry went after the clams as Billy dropped them in.

Billy wasn't going to drop it, "I'll even send over a fish lover. We've got one guy who won't shut up about putting a tank in at Anvil, no charge to you but he'll do it for free anyway if you let him feed Barry."

Hazel shook her head, "I want to say yes but if I do that I'll never be able to be on my own. I have to come out of this stronger, not needing a crutch."

Billy chuckled, his tone slightly cynical, "Physician heal thyself. Maybe a good night's sleep will do you some good. I'm not saying you look tired, you always look great but I know how someone is when they're always watching their back. I won't ask you again, just know that the offer is there."

Hazel swallowed, "Thank Billy. You should let your friend put in that fish tank, they're good for your mental health."

Billy chuckled as Barry spat the clamshell out and came looking for more, "I'd have to agree. Can I get a Barry? He's like a dog with fins."

Hazel nodded, "He's a very special Fahaka Puffer. He's one of the first bred in captivity. He needs brackish water which is a mix of salt and fresh and the rest is pretty easy. The plants you see are really important, Barry's natural home is the Nile so they're all Nile plants. I know a guy who can get you everything."

Billy smiled, "That's great, when can I get the fish?"

Hazel sighed, "Not for a little while, you have to set up the tank first and let all the good stuff grow so it's safe for the fish."

"Done and done. I want an office buddy." Billy sounded so excited, "How big will he get?"

Hazel pulled her hands apart, "Eighteen inches. He's got one more tank upgrade in his future. He's less than two years old and he's only got another eight inches to grow so he'll live fifteen years. His final home will be a one hundred gallon tank."

Billy chuckled, "That's huge."

Hazel nodded, "Yeah, next to my house it's the thing I'm saving for. I know he's just a fish but I love him."

Billy shook his head, "He's not just a fish Hazel, he's your friend." Billy sat on the small couch with a sigh, "Thank you for having me over and as much as I would like to stay, my phone keeps buzzing in my pocket."

Hazle smiled softly, "Thank you for coming. Lizzy and I will be at Anvil when you guys have the time, just let us know."

Billy walked over to the skink and washed and dried his empty cup, "Can I help with the other dishes?" He could see that Hazel was thinking it over but before she could say yes, his phone rang, "I'm sorry, that means something needs my attention. I'll make it up to you."

Hazel smiled and headed for the door, "It's alright. I get a time from Lizzy and text you."

Billy stood still at the door and took a deep breath before smiling down at her, "Can I give you a hug?"

Hazel's answer was to give him one first and Billy relaxed into her embrace, "Be safe out there."

Billy chuckled, "I always am. Goodnight Hazel."

She gave him a soft wave as he stepped out of her apartment, "Goodnight Billy."

****

Hazel and Lizzy walked through Anvil's front doors and looked around, it looked as nice as they had described it with with huge windows and sleek design. Hazel all but skipped up to the front desk and waved at the young man working it, "Hello, I'm Hazel and this is Lizbeth, Billy, Curt and Frank are expecting us."

The man nodded, "They are. I'll call them and they'll come down and get you. In the meantime, have a seat or get yourself something to drink."

Lizzy gave Hazel a look, "Thank you sir. We'll be sure to tell your bosses, you are great at your job."

They were down a few minutes later and hugs were exchanged before Billy waved his hand with a smile, "Shall we ladies."

Hazel turned to Lizzy who gave a nod, "We shall. Lead the way."

Billy walked them further into the building and down the hall, stopping before another set of windows that looked out into a gym, "This is our training area where we review new recruits."

Lizzy blinked, "Wow, no wonder you're all so jacked." Curt straightened his back, but it was clear that day he felt a little shy.

Billy walked down the wall to another area that looked almost the same but empty, "This is the staging area, we do lots of stuff here."

He took them to an elevator then hit the button to one floor above. When the doors opened, Billy resumed the tour, "This floor has all our offices but mine and Frank's and all our meeting rooms.

Lizzy tapped Curis on the shoulder, "Where's you office?"

Curt chuckled, "Downstairs by the gym, I like to be around everyone."

Lizzy smiled, "Isn't that sweet."

Hazel exchanged a look with Billy and Frank, then turned to Lizzy, "Ask him out. This flirting without action is getting really weird."

Frank slapped a hand to his mouth to stifle the laugh while Billy grinned. Lizzy smiled and shook her head before turning to Curt, "Would you like to go on a date with me?"

Curt returned her smile, "Yeah, that would be great."

"Now that's over, can we see more. This place is super cool." Hazel sounded over the moon.

Billy smiled, "Sure. I think we should go to the range and see if you live up to Frank's hype."

Hazel tapped her bag, "I'm ready for it. Which brings me to my next question, you must have hidden metal detectors because we're both armed and we weren't stopped at the door, nor did we go through anything. Explanation one is that you're not checking, which I don't believe, and option two is that you are, and we've already been given to ok to enter the building."

Billy shook his head is disbelief, "You're one of only a few people who released we've been using hidden metal detectors. You sure you don't want to come and work for me?"

She shook her head, "I love my job so no but I'm happy to keep blowing your mind."

Billy chuckled, "I'm sure you are but I'll believe it when I see it."

Billy led them back to the elevator and then it took them down to the basement, the doors opening to a huge floor with rows upon rows of gun lockers on both sides and a range at the end. They walked to the booths and Billy grabbed targets and Frank retrieved earplugs and goggles while Hazel and Izzy took their guns from their bags.

Once the targets were set up, every one put in their ear and eye protection and then shooting positions were taken and the guns were raised. No one jumped as the shots went off and in a handful of seconds, the guns were empty.

There was a buzz that indicted the range was cold and the targets slid forward, "Fuck yeah." Hazel chuckled at Lizzy's exclamation.

Billy huffed as he looked over the targets, "Fuck yeah is right, you ladies are deadly."

Lizzy sighed, "It's all Hazel, she's the one who taught me."

Frank smiled, "Atta girl."

Hazel waved a hand, "It's nothing, I've just had a lot of practice."

Curt chuckled, "No need to be humble, there are people out there who have been shooting for years who aren't that good."

Lizzy sighed, "Well, unlike Hazel, I'm happy to take the compliment."

Hazel chuckled, "Have I lived up to the hype?"

Billy nodded, "Oh yeah you have. How about we head out and get some lunch, maybe we can talk about how two nurses could beat my staff in a shootout?"

Hazel smiled, "Ok, but only if you don't try and recruit us."

Billy nodded, "I make no promise. We can go to that little diner on fifth." Just as everyone walked off, Billy's hand wrapped softly around Hazel's wrist, "Can I steal you for a second."

Hazel nodded, "Sure, what's up?"

Billy paused, unsure of how to proceed, "Are you sure you're alright?"

Hazel nodded, "Yep, why wouldn't I be."

Billy's hand was still around her wrist, "Because you're groupings made it pretty clear that you've spent a lot of time training to kill someone when you get the chance. I'm not judging you and I think you're doing the right thing, I'm just worried that something keeping you up and night."

Hazel swallowed, "I'm still healing, being able to protect myself helps a lot."

Billy didn't ask for the hug this time and Hazel found herself ready to collapse in his arms, "Do you want to come over for dinner?"

He was taken aback but caught himself, "Yeah, I'd love that."

****

Billy knew something was wrong the moment Hazel opened the door, she seemed flatter and even more protective of her space than she usually was, "Is everything alright?"

Hazel nodded, "Yeah, fine. Why do you ask?"

Billy noticed how she checked down the hall before she closed the door, "You're jumpy."

Hazel waved her hand dismissively, "Sorry about that. I have a bad day at work." She pointed to the box in his hand, "Did you bring something?"

Billy nodded, "Yep, I know you probably made dessert but I know how much you like those double chocolate brownies from the chocolate shop. I only brought two."

Hazel smiled, "Well that was a good choice because I made super fancy vanilla ice cream and those brownies warm up like a dream."

Billy took a deep breath and inhaled the smell of her cooking, "Whatever's for dinner tonight smells great."

Hazel took the box from Billy and walked the few steps to her kitchen, "A lovely roast pork with crackling, homemade bread, some roasted veggies, a tomato salad, and I made some sand cookies with different kinds of cream for you to take home."

Billy felt his stomach growl, "That sounds really good."

Hazel pointed to the fridge, "You want anything to drink? I've got beer, water, fresh peach juice."

Billy thought for a moment, "Fresh peach juice sounds really good."

Billy walked into the kitchen and looked around, spying two cups already out. He slid placed them on the bench behind her and watched as she opened the fridge and took out a fancy judge filled with juice, "Wow, even your fridge is spotless."

Hazel chuckled, "My fridge is perfect, I've seen enough food poisoning to know that a dirty fridge is where it starts. You want ice?" Billy nodded and he could help but smile and she dropped a handful of frozen peach chunks into his glass, then into hers, "Dinner will be ready soon."

"That's great. Can I do anything to help?" Billy wasn't going to lie, he wanted to make a good impression.

Hazel shook her head, "Nope, everything is done. All I need to do is take the pork out of the oven when it's done."

Billy shook his head, "There must be something I can do. You've spent your only day off cooking."

Hazel sighed, "The only thing that I need to be is to sharpen the knives and I'm not asking you to do that."

Billy grinned, "How many do you need to do?"

"Two. Dinner will be ready soon, you don't need to do anything." Hazel bent down, opened the oven and checked the pork, "It will be done in fifteen minutes, you're my guest, you should be enjoying your drink and relaxing."

Billy shook his head and pointed to the sink, "Is that your wet stone soaking in the sink?" Hazel nodded, "Great, it has to rest for ten minutes before you serve it and I know there's no way you cut the tomatoes that well with dull knives. I'll be done with time to spare."

Hazel sighed, "Alright. Thank you, it's not my favourite task."

"Really, why?" Billy loved it, but then again, he wasn't just sharpening cooking knives.

Hazel shuddered, "I hate the texture, it gives me the willies."

Billy took the block from the sink and brought it over to the counter next to Hazel before Hazel handed him the two knives, "You've already used it today?"

Hazel nodded, "Yeah, I did the rest of them plus the ones we'll use tonight."

Billy shrugged, "That makes my life even easier, the little metal shavings help."

Hazel held up a hand like she could feel it as he moved the knife across the block, "I know. God I don't know how you enjoy that."

Billy chuckled, "It's meditative." Hazel would have responded but she was watching the way his long fingers pushed the blade back and forth, "You wanna tell me what happened today? You're doing a good job at hiding it but you jump every there's a noise on the street." Billy could see Hazel was thinking about lying, "You can tell me, I've seen it all."

Hazel blinked, "I lied. It happened at work but it has nothing to do with it."

Billy could hear the worry creeping into her voice, "That doesn't matter, if you don't get it out of your brain, you won't have room for dinner."

Hazel swallowed, "I got a call from the DA that handled my Ex's case. He's coming up for parole in a week. I have no idea how and they won't tell me. My guess is that he's a rat."

Billy thought he had his rage back under control but what was bubbling under his skin made him feel like he was on fire, he was so angry his teeth hurt. He took a deep breath, knowing that blowing up now would only do harm, "When do you need to leave for the hearing?"

Hazel shook her head, "I don't, I'm an essential service worker. I can do it via video. Work knows, they've given me a conference room so I can appear and say my piece."

Billy rubbed his face, "Nothing has happened yet. We'll all be there for you, with how much money Anvil has donated, they won't say no."

Hazel gave him a soft smile, "Thank you. It's two thirty on Thursday."

Billy placed his hand on her shoulder, "Done. How are you feeling?"

Hazel huffed, "Other than all the normal things? I could eat a horse and I never have an appetite when I'm worried."

Billy let out of sympathetic laugh, "That's really normal. The part of your brain that's telling you to do all those things you do to keep yourself safe knows you have to eat. I won't be much longer with these but if you want to talk about it more until dinner's done we can."

Hazel shook her head, "No, I'm alright. I've planned a nice night. I want to keep it that way."

Hazel walked away to check the pork, smiling as she pulled it from the oven and Billy felt his mouth water at the sight of it, "Shit that looks good."

Hazel slid the tray onto a wooden board and wrapped the meat to keep it warm, "Not only now, you think you'll be done with the knives soon?"

Billy nodded, "Yep."

"Good, I'll set the table." Hazel popped the bread into the hot oven to get warm first before setting the table then taking the sides over. By the time Billy had washed the knives and placed them in the block, Hazel had taken the meat over and had topped up their drinks, "You ready?"

Billy nodded and walked over to the small table and pulled out her chair and Hazel sat down with a smile, "You are so charming."

Billy chuckled, "You cooked for me, it's the least I could do."

Hazel waved her hand, "Please, serve yourself." Billy piled his plate high before pointing to the uncarved pork with his fork, "Go for it, you can tell me if you think I should leave the sharping to you from now on."

The knife cut through the meat like butter and Billy smiled, "I'm very impressed. The knife is sharp and the meat is amazing."

Hazel watched as Billy took a bite, his filling with enjoyment as he tried the various dishes, "How can tomatoes and salt taste so good?"

Hazel's eyes crinkled with a smile, "I use tomatoes from the farmer's market and there's a bit of garlic."

"When does Barry get his dinner." Billy didn't miss how the fish was following him around the room all night.

Hazel shook her head fondly, "He doesn't, he got something from the market this morning."

Billy made a face, "I feel bad eating all this nice food in front of him."

Hazel chuckled, "Don't fall for his silly little fish face, he will extort you."

Billy held back a moan as the crackling shattered under his teeth, "You got a dream kitchen?"

Hazel nodded, "Yep, I have a," she paused, vision book didn't sound right, "I have a book with everything I want it in, from floorboard stain to the kitchen all laid out. I know what I need to pay for everything, I have planned it down to the last screw. I just need the house."

"So you're alright with a fixer upper?" Billy had a feeling he knew the answer.

"That's what I'm looking for, I want something I can put love into." He could see the determination on her face.

"That sounds like a nice dream and I guess you can practice on this place until then." Billy was happy to admit that it felt more like a home than his loft back at Anvil.

Hazel smiled, "It has made every late night and early morning worth it."

Billy's plate was empty before he knew it and then dessert was being served up the moment the brownies were warm. At the first bite of the ice cream, Billy's eyes rolled into the back of his head, "Holy shit, I've never had vanilla ice cream this good."

Hazel chuckled, "It's all in the vanilla. Thank you for the brownies, they really made the night."

Billy smiled, "It was my pleasure."

All too soon, the night was over, Billy helped Hazel wash the dishes but only after her protests and then he was standing at the door with part of him hoping she was going to ask him to stay. Alas, she didn't, "Thank you so much for coming, I'm sorry there were no leftovers."

Billy shook his head, "I don't think I could control myself if there was. You gotta let me cook for you next time."

Hazel smiled, "I didn't know you could cook."

Billy nodded, "Yeah, and I'm pretty good at it. How does this same time next week sound?"

Hazel's smile grew, "I'd love that."

Billy mirrored her smile, "Good, I have a loft at Anvil so you won't have any trouble finding the place."

"Ok, I'll be there," Hazel opened her arms and Billy wrapped his around her, "Goodnight Billy."

Billy felt his chest fill with warmth, "Goodnight Hazel."

Part 11

@rainbowgoblinfan

[bigcahoots]

Eli Stone: The Future Revealed 

Sure, the series is over. But don't you want to know what would've happened with Eli and Maggie and the gang? We got the scoop

Just over a month ago, the dearly departed Eli Stone aired its series finale after months of being on hiatus. Fans got to say goodbye to the show, while learning that Eli (Jonny Lee Miller) and Maggie (Julie Gonzalo) got their happy ending and Wethersby Stone was safe from foreclosure.

We've since learned that this fairy-tale ending is not the case. We caught up with executive producer and creator Marc Guggenheim, who spilled the complete future for Eli and the gang, which was especially easy since they had scripted four episodes past the series finale. Since those episodes are not airing, we thought Eli fans might want to know what would've happened.

For true fans, some of the following will shock you. Some of your favorite couples don't end up getting their happily ever after, while one new couple—that will leave your jaw on the floor—does. You also may be surprised by who might've played Taylor's (Natasha Henstridge) mother.

Be prepared...

Eli and Maggie: "The idea was going to be that Eli starts dating Maggie, and then just as things are going really great, there's a knock on the door. He opens the door to his apartment and there's Grace [Katie Holmes], who is back in town."

Eli Ends Up With Grace? "We didn't know whether or not he would end up with Grace. Obviously had we gone to series, it would've been difficult for him to end up with Grace because we didn't have Katie Holmes on a weekly basis. But we thought it would be nice to bring her back for an episode, and she was game. We wanted to end the season with her."

Maggie and…Nate?! "Maggie and Eli don't end up together. Maggie and Nate [Matt Letscher] end up together. In episode 11 of season one, when you saw Eli [10] years in the future in Times Square, the baby that Maggie is holding is her baby, but it's with Nate. We were going to revisit that flash-forward and return to Times Square. You would see that Nate arrived late, and as Eli took the stage, he was going to push his way through the throng of people to meet up with Maggie."

Dr. Chen and Nate: "They were going to go into practice together. We had Nate lose his job at the hospital and eventually Nate and Chen [James Saito] were going to open up an Eastern and Western medicine practice. It was going to be like The Odd Couple."

Matt and Taylor: "They were going to get married. Taylor would eventually have their baby. Matt [Sam Jaeger] was going to be the surprisingly good father. Taylor would find it difficult to balance work and motherhood, but Matt would show a surprising ability for being a dad."

Jordan, Taylor's Mama and the Firm: "Jordan [Victor Garber] was going to reconnect with Taylor's mother. We were hoping to get Goldie Hawn. That was the plan and hope. [Also], Wethersby Stone was going to continue to grow and prosper. Maggie would eventually come back to the firm."

Happy Eli Ending? "Eli gets a very happy ending. Basically the overall plan for the show was that with each season, Eli's profile would get bigger and bigger, until by the end of the series, he would be talking to crowds of thousands of people. His profile would grow until he actually found it difficult to practice law because he had so much notoriety. Then the show was going to shift from Eli being a lawyer to being more of an active prophet. One of the things we always said on the show was Abraham Lincoln was a prophet, Martin Luther King Jr. was a prophet, Gandhi was a prophet. All three people met premature ends. As Eli's profile grew, the danger grew to him as well."

— SOURCE

[the-firebird69]

They have an invasion on there trying to kidnap him and he knows it and they're fighting over the fire station and hospital and Stan is right in the middle and he's saying you won't take him away from me but he's wrong and needs a good stay here and he's on psychoactive medicine poisoning himself take two years to clear it and if too much comes out hes going to die. He checked today I think and my people say yeah it says the lethal dose and they're checking my blood and other just like everybody else and told me to get off the medicine he says he says I can't do that I'm going to be just like him and I said what are you talking about so you put me in charge of the stupid house and he's getting back at me he says I don't administer medicine you're the one who's forcing it on me he says see and I said are you the one doing that and he said I don't know if you feel like you're on medicine and I said you're the one doing it and you're on medicine doesn't make any sense so he's trying to think about it he said and terrorizing everybody cuz I can't help it at the end of it he said I don't like the guy anyways I said you don't have to like him most people would not he's very snide he's very quick with it he's extremely Sharp and leaves you with whatever he wants basically we're not his friend and that's what he told him so he doesn't care and you say it too so what's the point is what's your point this is valuable and you're not you're a dick too and Mac hates you and we do too and we want you gone. You're up there in Sarasota hospital and you had a nephew here up there and you put Mac in there is my father and we want you dead and we want you dead now and so we're having a fight he went to court and lost these two are trying to use it to kidnap and also he said this if I'm out you're out and he's out so I heard you guys and you're saying to cut into ribbons like Trump which one from 25% of the world's population to about 4% in less than a year and he said holy s*** that's what he said and he's going I want to change my statement said why not why wouldn't you this idiot's leading your whole realm into destruction and everybody says it's great well I'm not I'm not a wimp and I'm military and I stand up for him and I hit him all the time he doesn't have a real brain anymore everyone wants to be liking like him and I said what the hell's going on here nobody is taking care of this problem and you can't do something so let's try to ask him about it and he said he's all over him all damn day long it's making me feel sick the guy is obsessed and he's a loser this guy is hitting that son of a b**** and his people are dying so fast that I can't believe it and he's looking at the numbers later they said holy s*** you say he has to do something and really he did a while ago and you should have looked and nobody does this stuff in this idiot is taking himself down saying he's going to win but you say is probably my brother and Saturn's going to light up and this guy is going to be gone almost anyways but he's going to fry people like you've never seen people fried and really what do I got for a team here everybody's on my keys everyone's on my case what kind of case is there and my nephew said that and I said this there's no case against him what you're doing is ridiculous futile horse s*** like these babies and I want you out of my hair he's right there could be a big huge problem and the max and he said to almost crying and said I can't get off him I said you're going to and ready to chill you're going to force it by disagree to you and have a nice time in Pennsylvania I heard it was what does this mean so that's what he's going

Daniel

I'm actually happy and proud of what you've done they're going down slowly they're arguing with people they don't believe it the people all dying there's this time where they think they're going to be alive so they're trying to do stuff it shows what they do and you don't see all of it or much of it and it's true and they're going to get killed these guys are going to die it's been a lifetime of misery and there's other ones too the dying like the city but for real the empire set him up from the get-go and trained him and they suck so bad at f****** hurts and the empire is paying for it it worked on it together and he remembers and other people too and his mom invited and Camilla and will and Bill these guys try and fall over before they even done trying and it can't be it can't be soon anymore they're too hot and they're nasty and they're going to start using devices all over the place if you don't get them the hell out of here it's true too now I'm saying it

Mac daddy

I'm glad this happened and it cleared the air and these people have to leave they're red hot and they're trying to do stuff and after today and tomorrow they're going to be non-existent we need them to hell out of here and right now to get tow trucks timed down and pull them all out stick them on a ship and see you come back we're going to hit it if they won't do that and it's going to be a pain our son and daughter did the right thing today they're crying for help and finally he went along with what we're doing and added some of his stuff in there put the notes out there and it's got a couple more he's going to put somewhere and these people are going to go berserk all damn day it's too close he's touching his stuff and that's what he's been saying so we're going to work now and we appreciate it and he appreciates he preached us and if they need to leave they die like 10 times a day it doesn't do anything so we have to kill him more but he's right it does do stuff and killing five times works killing him 10 times works better we have to go out there and get rid of them and we're going to do it right now

Frank Castle hardcastle

I do object but I do see what he's saying for completely out there and lost we're not coming back we're doing stupid things to everybody and we're hurting people who are trying to help us in our realm and it's mean I won't say this he's always been a jerk to me and it's a lie and I was tolerated as his best one can when someone is stupid and a bully I guess it's true I don't deserve any of this stuff and so on is ridiculous but now he's saying something is rude and so on and he says you're not going to get anything and you're going to lose stuff now and I believe him and yada yada and who cares he says it's not even a lie you're just saying stupid s*** people hate you for and they beat you up for and shoot you for you're a stupid f*** he says you're a dumb f***** okay people going to come by and f*** around with you for what you're saying they don't want to hear this stupid s*** you say it's dumb they're going to f*** you up for it stupid I sort of get something we say this to him he gets a little bit and salted but he knows that people are going to kill us or something he's not inspiring us to do it and we just sit here doing it we see the footage remember it happening actually this really stupid probably should stop talking

Dan

Yeah we are probably should and we're going to get a copy uniforms on he says it's true and we're going to die again

Trump

Yeah people hate that and we're going to come shoot you two idiots Trump and Dan

Bja

[timeoverload]

I'm not sure how I made it through the day but I did it. A lot of it was horrible but surprisingly there were no tears. I was swearing a lot though. I had 32 cases and it was so crazy that the coordinator had to help me most of the morning. She was being very nice and I really appreciated her help because I probably would have wanted to walk out otherwise.

The fastest doctor had 2 rooms again and he was completing surgeries in less than 6 minutes so it was impossible to keep up even though 2 of us were working on stuff at the same time. He did 15 surgeries in less than 3 hours. I didn't get to eat breakfast and I had a horrible migraine when I woke up this morning but I took medicine so I could keep going. There were also 6 surgeries on the other side of the hospital and they kept forgetting to bring me stuff so I had to go back and forth so many times. It was exhausting.

I was so happy that someone covered my lunch because I thought I was going to pass out. I got a cup of soup because I really did not want to eat their sandwiches. It wasn't enough but at least I had something so I wasn't as nauseated. I was happy that I got to sit and talk with my friend again for a little while. I did get annoyed because someone was using the microwave in the cafeteria and they set their bagel on fire somehow. I'm not sure how they managed to do that but there was a lot of smoke so I had to get up and leave.

There were 5 specialty cases this afternoon and 4 of them were different kinds of corneal transplants so they used a lot of shit. I was turning over instruments all day. I got frustrated at the end of the day because the only corneal transplant tray we have got contaminated before the last case when they were opening. The tech got a bunch of holes in her glove somehow but the gloves were close to expiring anyway so I guess that makes sense. I rushed to get the tray in the autoclave but the cycle takes 50 minutes so it wouldn't be ready in time so I'm glad we had some instruments wrapped individually in the closet. I got all of my stuff cleaned up and I went and sat in the hallway and watched the last case which was a complex corneal transplant. I have never seen anything like that before. The evening team lead even came out of the department to watch because it was slow. I normally don't get grossed out by eye stuff but I felt like I was watching a horror movie for a while. I probably shouldn't describe it in detail. I wasn't planning on staying late because there was a tech that could clean the instruments for me but I couldn't stop watching. I ended up staying an hour late but it was voluntary so I can't complain.

Earlier I thought I was going to fall asleep when I got home but I'm wide awake right now. I wish my body wasn't tired so I could actually accomplish something. I think I have just had an absurd amount of caffeine today but I'm sure I will crash in an hour or 2. I'm not very hungry but I will try to eat something.

I really wanted to see you this weekend too but I don't think that's going to happen because you haven't talked to me. I've also been wanting to try that beer since last year but I don't think I will get to this year either. I would love to get out of the house and do something fun. I hope everyone has a great time though.

I'm not really planning on doing anything this weekend. I'm going to make myself get up early tomorrow and take a long shower. Then I'm going to go to the store and pick up my medicine. That's about it. I know I'm going to be hurting in the morning. I'm hoping that I don't feel too bad. I don't want to sleep all day.

I didn't have any quiet time today so I think I need to relax now. I'm not sure what I'm going to do the rest of the night. I guess I'm going to hang out with Salazaar. I'm probably not going to be able to get up for a while anyway because he fell asleep on my feet. I'm not planning on staying up late because I want to wake up early. I don't have much else to say right now. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day.

I hope everyone else has a good day tomorrow too!!! 💖💖💖

[alphamales-rp]

Maximillian Blanc was a revered name in the medical world, his hands having been at the helm of many significant advancements in modern medicine and having dedicated most of, if not all, of his young life in pursuit of this. However, with great work comes great sacrifice and Max had known a very lonely existence until one day, a few weeks ago, he'd quite literally stumbled into a man so much shorter than him that he hadn't seen him at first, but once he locked eyes with him, something indescribably had changed inside of him. Max had believed that he was too old to date or to find somebody, convinced he was 'past his expiry date' and that romance just wouldn't be part of his historic existence, and he had come to terms with that - but then Luke had come along and decidedly proven that untrue.

Maximillian was doing things now that he'd never done before, the latest of which had shocked nearly everybody who worked at the prestigious hospital he resided over - he'd done the unthinkable and he'd taken time off. Something he had never done in his over thirty years in the medical field. But, he'd come across a beautiful villa that was open for bookings and the thought of getting away from all the noise, all the work and everybody else and just getting to spend a little while doing whatever he wanted with the love of his life ... He almost couldn't help himself and before he'd known it, he'd booked the place, made travel arrangements, informed Luke and submitted his PTO.

Now, here they were, Max sleeping soundly and deeply for what was very likely the first time in decades - naked as the day he was born - spread out across a luxuriously large bed in a villa that looked across the beach of a tropical area so beautiful it boggled the mind. His pager was turned off and he was so sound asleep he hadn't noticed Luke leaving the bed. "Hmm?" he hummed sleepily, slowly rousing from sleep only when he felt Luke's lips on his own and he gently opened his eyes, rubbing at one and stretching out his other arm and letting out a shamelessly loud yawn, "Wh- wha-" he said, still a little drowsy and confused and not having caught what the other said properly until he was being handed coffee, "You made ...?" he looked over as the other situated a tray between them, "I don't think anybody but my parents have ever cooked for me," he said with a little astonished laugh, "Thank you, babe," looking back over at the other with adoring eyes, "Like the dead," he nodded, now taking a long, deep sip of coffee, the warm, familiar liquid truly helping restore him to the waking world.

"Dunno if it was the flight and all the travel that took it out of me or discovering just how many semi-public spaces you could make me cum in," he grinned, taking a piece of bacon and helping himself to a big bite of it, "-and then still making love twice when we got here last night," he chuckled, shaking his head, "I feel like a teenager," he laughed, now feeding the other half of his bacon to the other, "You know, I think most people would be worried learning that their 50 year old partner was practically a virgin when they met but since you found out, you seem to have taken up a challenge to help me catch up on all I've missed out on," he smirked, teasing the other, "Suppose it's a nice change from my office and the hospital quickies," he grinned, shaking his head as he took another sip of coffee, "How'd you sleep?" he asked, now feeding the other again before himself, "Did you take a look around now that it's light out?" he asked, glancing around, "What do you think?"

alphamales-rp (Max/Luke)

@alphamales-rp

Luke happily sat on the edge of the oversized bed, letting the warm sun hit his skin as he just took in the view. When Max had told him to put in for time off so they could run away to a private villa, Luke had maybe expected something where you could see the neighbours from the window but you could close the curtains so when he realised that Max had found a place where no one would be around for miles, he couldn't believe how blessed he was. He looked back to his sleeping boyfriend, grateful that the older man had handled getting them there and just wanting to let him sleep in.

Carefully Luke got up from the bed and walked out onto the little patio outside their room, not a single stitch of clothing on as he just looked about. He could yell at the top of his lungs and no one would hear him, certainly no one could see his naked body as he walked about and enjoyed the brisk morning air. "Trust my Max to find paradise" he whispered to himself, going back in and slipping down to the kitchen area. He worked quietly and quickly, making a couple of big mugs of coffee and a little breakfast with bacon, eggs and toast before loading them up on a little dinner cart that he could push around, getting it all up the stairs and back into the bedroom.

"Max? Babe, wake up... made you breakfast" he said with a playful sing-song tone, walking over to the bed and sitting on it, leaning down to kiss the man sweetly the second he woke up. He moved about so he was sitting on top off the blanket with his back against the headboard and carefully handed over his partner's coffee and food "I figured since you handled finding this place, I can handle a little domestic duties... since as much as I'm sure you'd like to, you can't just live on my sausage and buns alone" he teased with a sweet little smile "You sleep well Max?"

[twary]

aaa hello! congrats on reaching 350, here's to moreee \(^o^)/ ((I really enjoyed reading your sdc works, they just make my day waaaaa 🥺❤️))

for the love confession prompt, may I request number 11 ("I don't know what the future holds. all I know is that I hope you're in it.") for Kakyoin? SFW would be nice, but honestly I'm alright with anything you end up with when working on the prompt! 🥰

I hope you have a great day/night ahead of you!!! 💖💖💖

AAAAAAA THANK UUUUU <3 Knowing that my writing makes you happy is just wonderful 🥺😭✨

Also, thanks for the lovely request, i think it's the first one with our precious cherry boy!🍒💚

And i think that i have just the right scenario for this! Hope ur having a good day/night too darling (❁´◡`❁)

~The prompt list is closed for now, but you still can make general requests!~

TW: sdc alternative ending and spoilers

"I don't know what the future holds. All I know is that I hope you're in it." x Kakyoin

Cut for length~

The journey was finally over, Dio was defeated, but at what cost? Much was lost, especially friends; Avdol and Iggy were dead and Kakyoin was badly injured, it is not possible to know if he will get out of this. Right now he is in a helicopter on his way to one of the SPW hospitals.

The situation was heartbroken, it's clear as water to the crusaders that you like Noriaki. You always had feelings for him and never had the chance to talk to him, it couldn't end like this! You basically begged to be taken to the hospital where he would be staying, but Polnareff stopped you.

"(Y/N), we know how you're feeling right now and that you want to do something to help him, i want too! But...Unfortunately the only thing we can do now is wait and see how things unfold."

You're desperate, but he's right…

A few weeks passed, you, Joseph and Jotaro had already returned to Japan and Polnareff was already in his home country, France. Kakyoin didn't leave your mind even for a second, you wanted to visit him, even if it's to see the worst, you can't stand being in this agonizing situation anymore!

You were doing some dishes when the phone rang:

"HE'S AWAKE?!"

It was from the hospital that Kakyoin was staying at, they gave you the best news you could ever want: Kakyoin was alive and conscious. You didn't even bother to hang up the phone, you just ran out of the house to go to the hospital. Finally, after so much anguish, you could see him, talk to him, hug him!

When you arrived at the hospital you were already out of breath, U don't think you've ever gotten anywhere in such a hurry as today. You also expected to find the crusaders, or at least Jotaro, but there was only you waiting to see him, were they notified before you?

"(L/N) Isn't it? You can come in now, please."

Well, it doesn't matter now, the nurse has finally called your name.

"I'll get some medicine that the patient will need to take, I'll be back in a few moments, feel free to talk to him."

She gets out of the room and let you in. The tears were almost instant when you laid eyes on him.

"Kakyoin!" Your voice is shaky.

You ran towards him and took his hand, as happy as you were to see him, you didn't know what had happened to his body, it was better not to risk hurting him.

"Haha, i've missed you too (Y/N)"

He is smiling, oh god! How much you missed that smile!

"There, there...No need to cry, hm?"

"No need? I couldn't stop thinking about you at any time! oh my god i'm so happy to see you again!"

You take his hand to your face.

"It's so good to know you're okay..."

Little tears are falling down. With his thumb he caresses your face. There is a small moment of silence.

"Oh, right, you've already saw Jotaro and the others right? I bet you were really happy to see them too! Everyone was worried about you, the situation was very agonizing."

"Well, actually you are the first person who came to see me"

"What?! They didn't want to see you?!"

"No, no, no, it's nothing like this! I just wanted to see you first, the others still don't know about me..."

You stop for a moment.

"I wanted to talk to you first..."

He removes the blanket from his lap and lifts his shirt a little, revealing a large scar.

"Look, I ended up suffering very severe injuries from the fight against Dio, my condition is rpomissive, but the doctors don't know if I'll be able to do some things again like I was before, such as standing or walking...I'm trying to be positive, but this got me very worried, actually. So...I don't know what the future holds."

It hits you really hard, your head is down. But then he finishes his sentence.

"All I know is that I hope you're in it."

You look again at him "What...?"

He giggles a little nervous.

"You know, that day after using Hierophant for the last time and feeling my eyes closing, many things went through my head, one of them was you. actually the main one was you."

You are a little confused, he can see it in your expression.

"W-What i'm trying to say is...I never had the chance to tell you how i feel, I didn't want to go before saying that…That I fell in love with you...I never felt the things you made me feel in just 50 days. I even told Hierophant about you, haha!"

"At that time when the doctors were fighting to save me I was fighting to be able to see you again. I'm glad that i did it..." He looks at you with soft eyes. "I'm glad that i meet you, (Y/N)"

He holds your hand and gently pulls you towards him. Your faces are really close, you can feel his warmth"

"I'm really glad..." His voice is low.

Kakyoin's lips finally meet yours. The kiss is slow, soft yet passionate...He is taking his sweet time, it seems like he was waiting for this moment for long. When the kiss end you're both breathless, Kakyoin turns red when see you like this.

"S-Sorry, it lasted longer than I had predicted"

You're still holding hands.

"I don't mind doing it again, ya know?" You approach him again.

"Sorry for the wait, they're organizing the stock, it's a mess- Oh! Am i interrupting something?~"

The nurse was by the door with some medicines in hand, she has a suggestive smile on her face.

You jump out of your place "N-No! there's nothing to be interrupted!"

You're as red as Kakyoin. You two exchange glances for a second and let out little giggles.

Oh, heaven knows how much you missed that smile.

[calzone-d]

i feel like there is a side of ted that never gets enough attention. yes he is a teddy bear and yes he doesn’t stand up for himself, but for those that he loves?? i need all the fics ever of him standing up for the reader. like they finally are publicly a couple so reporters start following the reader around. ted would be so protective but in such a ted way. so perfect comforting the reader and then during the press conference after the next match? he’d be like “we played a great game today, i wasn’t worried at all. but if i can be frank with all of you, there is something else i’ve been worried about all week”. and he’d be so protective and amazing. and like if one reporter doesn’t listen or something (you know it’d the sun) and harasses the reader again, ted would IMMEDIATELY be in rebecca’a office, asking if she can pull some strings so a different reporter can get assigned to covering them or something. and the reader wouldn’t have to ask for any of this of course, if anything they’d tell ted not to worry about them. ted would just look at them in horror “you think you’re not already on my mind 24/7? this is nothing new honey, i just have a specific reason to be thinking about you this time” wisjeodmfuejdjxoekdnff i just feel like that shouldn’t be too much to ask for 😭😭😭

I have lots of feelings about this :D

strong assertive ted omfg

I think Ted would be a very private person, dodging any questions from the press that don't have to do with the team or matches. So, when they catch wind of the two of you dating, they storm you for the answers he won't give them.

Maybe you're out and about one day, and you get swarmed by the press after a really intense match and you end up tripping or falling in the midst of it and fracture a wrist or something. Poor baby Ted would be so distraught in the hospital bc he'd obviously feel like he was at fault. You'd definitely get babied by him while you heal, and shit he may even shed a tear or two when you get back home, and the pain medicine starts to wear off. He'd be able to tell you're in pain and feels so so bad.

During the next press conference, he gets asked about it and definitely doesn't hesitate to chastise the press. "Now it ain't right to harass a lady like that. If y'all have questions, ask me."

AND WHEN THAT ONE REPORTER WON"T LEAVE YOU ALONE OMG he def gets rebecca to pull strings. Maybe you're having dinner at the pub one night and the reporter comes to your table and Ted stands up and is like "Now, you've already gotten Y/N here in enough of a mess, why don't you just leave us alone for the night, pal?" and his voice is deep, nostrils flared, nothing nice about his tone even though he was trying to be polite. Definitely would be the type to start always wrapping an arm around you when you're out from now on lol

[pbandjesse]

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone who celebrates. I don't particularly love the connotations of Thanksgiving, but this year I really do want to focus on what I am thankful for. I still want to remember Native American people and their plight. But I particularly feel like I need to acknowledge the things and people I'm thankful for. Like James being home and not dead. Like my dad healing. Like my mom and Jess showing up for me when I need them. Like my brother coming to my wedding. I have a lot I am thankful for.

Last night was rough. Thank you to anyone who reached out with kind words. James was up and down every couple of minutes. I would think we had them in a comfortable position. They would even start lightly snoring. But then they would jolt awake and stand up and start to pace. I felt horrible. We tried having them sit up in a chair. We tried lots of pillows. Nothing kept them comfortable for very long.

I would eventually fall asleep. And James did apparently get a solid hour. But it was not enough. They were and are exhausted. I really hope tonight they can sleep.

I woke up and James was next to me. I was glad they were here. I missed them so much.

We would slowly get up. I made the bed. James took a shower. I called my dad. He encouraged James to think of the pain as healing pain and not injury pain. I hope the mindset helps them. I am pretty sad I couldn't be with my parents today. But it was the correct call. James was not going to do well in the car. Just the little drives we have made have been rough.

But we didn't worry about that right now.

Once James was dressed they decided to go for a walk. I would get washed and dressed while they were gone. I picked up the apartment a little. Put the chair James tried to sleep in back in the living room. I was thrilled to see Waffles and Omelette were swimming around and seemingly doing really well.

James had finished the Lego lunar rover so I found a safe place to store that.

And soon James was back. I was eating cheese and crackers. And they said we should get to work on what we were bringing to Thanksgiving.

I wanted to make spoon cornbread and a sort of pudding dish. We did not have the jiffy corn bread mix I thought we did. Only blueberry muffin mix. So I looked up how we can make it at home and James got to work on that. They would keep trying to do stuff and get overwhelmed and almost be crying and then I would be distressed. I wish they would stop apologizing. I want to help. I want them to let me help.

I also wanted them to eat. But we didn't have buns so they couldn't have hotdogs and so they had a muffin instead. Which was not the protiens they wanted but at least was something. They lost 8lbs in the hospital. Which is real scary to me. They are already thin. I don't need them weak when they are already unstable.

But James put together the cornmeal mixture for me. And I would make my cornbread in our le cruset Dutch oven. Which took a half hour longer then it should have because it was so deep. But smelled great.

My pudding did not go so well. It wouldn't set up. This is why I prefer the quick serve one and not the cook kind. But at least it tasted good. Even if I was slightly disappointed when it wouldn't set up and all the wafers I used as a bse floated to the surface. At least the mango gave it a nice flavor.

The plan was to go to the Changs' (pronounced Chongs) house at 3. James had their next pain medicine dose at 230. So we would leave after that. And so while I waited for the cornbread to finish baking, I chilled on the couch and started the second glove I hadn't gotten to yet. So at least that's progress.

I packed up the cornbread in our new yeti tote bag. Which is excellent. And grabbed my bag. And we headed out. James shouldn't be carrying anything so it's on me. Which is fine. The drive was a little nerve wracking. But James got to show me where the accident happened and it makes a lot more sense now. Like that driver shouldn't have turned so fast and without warning. But at least I can understand where and how it happened.

We got to the Changs' and they really have such a beautiful home. I had been there once before. But it's just like. Maximalism and funky and full of small objects and art. And just rich colors and it's so cool. And we got a huge warm welcome. Everyone just being so happy James was there and only a little worse for wear. After a few minutes of gushing over James everyone went. Oh also hello Jesse. Which made me laugh.

The Fulwilers would soon be there. And I got to meet some other Chang friends and family. Jamess aunt Katie (she is actually their godmother)'s cousin was someone I ended up talking to a lot. Showed her a bunch of our wedding stuff. Actually made her cry!! Which I did not mean to do!! But she really said some nice stuff about the wedding pictures and that felt nice.

I really did have a nice time. We sat in the backyard for a while. Enjoyed a firepit that Julien lit. There was smoked fish and roasted garlic. The roasted garlic was so good.

And as the sun went down we went inside to get the real food.

Katie made amazing bread. And I enjoyed basically everything I had. Except the cranberry sauce but that's just because I only like the jellied kind that comes in a can. But everything else was amazing. James was a little unsteady and their medication was starting to wear off. So I would make a plate for them. And we would eat inside with the young people and Anne. And I got to tell them about when I was part of a lawsuit and how it let me and James get in this apartment. How we have always been so lucky.

I could tell James was starting to not feel well. So once everyone was back inside I said thank you to Katie and goodbye to everyone else. I wish I gave more hugs. But I needed to get James out of there and the long goodbyes we normally have werent going to work this time. This was a we have to leave now situation. So maybe I was rude. Whatever. James is more important to me.

And so we went home. James brought a plate of dessert. And they carried that. I carried our bag. We saw a couple dancing on the sidewalk by our car and I jokingly said I should set off the car alarm. We had a big laugh over that.

We got home right at 630 when James's next medication was due. Perfect timing.

Jess had been having a hard day. She's in Florida with her mom visit family. And apparently no one was helping with anything and she was feeling really uspset. But at least her food was delicious in the end. And my parents had diner for two. I am not sure what my brother did. I hope he had a good day too.

I was glad to be home. James was walking really slow. But we got inside. And we opened the Christmas diorama egg we have. Which we have decided is what we will do at the end of Thanksgiving every year. Gotta start traditions somewhere. And the ceremonial opening of the egg will be one of them.

We wound wind down. James took their medication. I put the dishes away and took a shower. Fed all the animals. I took an excellent bath. And then played Pokemon. I am very excited that I have caught almost all the Pokemon I have encountered. I only have two left!! Of 239! So close. I haven't played much in the last few months but it was fun to sit on the couch and play with James watching.

James would make me a thanksgiving snack. And we would just spend time quietly together.

And now we are in bed. I am really tired. James keep falling asleep for a few minutes. I hope they can get more comfortable tonight. We will have to see.

My allergies are going a little wild and my ear really hurts. But I feel stupid complaining when James is hurting so bad. Like I know it's not a competition. But still.

I am going to try to sleep now. We have the next few days together. Which I am really grateful for. I just hope James can start to heal.

Thank you again for everyone who reached out. I love you all. Stay safe !! Happy Thanksgiving.

[thebreakfastgenie]

what do you think happens to hawkeye after they all go home? like marriage wise and career wise

wiefhewufhw I have NOT successfully settled on one headcanon ever! here are some thoughts:

Hawkeye is single for a while. Like.... he needs to be. He is not in a good place to get into a relationship. I like to think he gets married eventually, though! Either legally to a woman or he lives with a "husband" you know, whichever. It's probably not anyone we know. He meets someone, falls in love, and gets married. I think he's always wanted to settle down eventually. Everyone from the 4077th is invited to the wedding and the ones who can go do and it's nice :) I need this :)

Career wise... oof. I am so so fascinated by the idea of Hawkeye going back to work in a hospital where nobody knows anything about him or what happened to him. I really like to think he starts practicing surgery again, maybe after a couple years, but... does he? I don't know. I don't think being a local doctor in Crabapple Cove goes all that great for him either, though. He wants to get to know his patients, but in Crabapple Cove they all know him, and given everything that's... maybe not the most comfortable. And I don't think he would want to start fresh in a different small town. I think he basically takes some time off for a few months and sleeps, maybe helps his dad out at the clinic every now and then. I do sort of like the idea of him teaching at a medical school. I think he would be good at it and it's another way to use his skills. But as much as I'm not sure he can go back to surgery, I'm also not sure he can help it? But I think he'd find it's just not the same as before. I think either way, connecting with his patients remains a priority for him. This is one of the reasons I want to see him go back to surgery. Surgeons can just be the worst about not seeing patients as people and I would love to see him actively doing the opposite of that. I think if he's practicing medicine his patients adore him. He's incredibly caring and we've seen his bedside manner and he just gives them so much time. I think a lot of them keep in touch and send him Christmas cards.

One timeline in my head has him takin about a year off, working with his dad for another two or three years, and then getting a job as a surgeon in Boston. He's also single in that one into the 1960s at least.

So... I don't know. I'm still working on it! It's so hard to imagine what happens to him because we only know him in that specific context. I think things are very hard for him but eventually they get better. I'm just not entirely sure what form that takes.

[pink-peony-princess]

Knight to Remember

"Remember when we met?" I murmured, picking at Shawn's scrubs as I lay on his chest. I hadn't been feeling well all day with my monthly cycle so when Shawn had come home he'd sweetly offered to order dinner in and have a movie night, despite having things he probably really needed to do.

"Mmhhh," he responded, hand playing with my hair, massaging my scalp, as he watched the film we'd put on. "I was your knight in shining armour." I could head the playful teasing behind it,but it was true, if he hadn't been there that night,I don't know what would have happened to me.

I could feel the tears welling in my eyes,overflowing and rolling down my cheeks landing on the light blue material attached to Shawn's body.

"Why are you crying baby?" Shawn asked,sitting up. I could see the worry etched into his face as he looked at me.

I shrugged,I didn't know why I was crying. Was it because if my period, was it because I didn't feel well or was it because I would never be able to repay Shawn for what he did for me that night.

...

1 year ago

When I came to, I didn't know where I was, or how long I had been there. What I did know was that I was freezing, and in more pain than I had ever been before. I lay there for what must have been at least a few more minutes before finally building up the courage to open my eyes. When I did, I found myself crumpled at the back of a dark stone alley, but I couldn't remember where exactly I was, or even how I had come to be there.

More than the pain that was now beginning to radiate from every part of my body- my legs, my chest, my head, even my eyes... how can my eyes be hurting? I wondered... I was concerned about the obvious gaps in my memory. Putting this thought aside I tried to take inventory of how bad my injuries were. I tried to wiggle my toes, and was immediately rewarded with a sharp shot of pain that ran straight up my leg, and into my lower back. At least I could feel my legs I thought, mentally sighing.

It was then that it began to rain, blood running from an unknown source into my mouth. I couldn't help but panic at the thought that there was a very real possibility that I may not be found. But how was I going to get someone, anyone for that matter to notice me?

This thought was interrupted by voices, male voices.

"So how was your shift? Mine was crazy, broken bones, crying kids, one of my residents even got bitten by a kid today," one of the men laughed.

"Mine was pretty chilled actually, but I'm not going to lie, I'll be glad to get these scrubs off and switch off 'doctor mode' for a few hours," the other one replied.

Somewhere between the haze of the pain and cold my brain comprehended the fact that this person had just said 'doctor', something which I knew, even with my limited knowledge of medicine- most of which was thanks to Grey's Anatomy- was something I needed right now.

Before I could think, I found myself screaming out for help, granted it was less of a scream and more of a horse grunt, but it got their attention and the two men were soon kneeling beside me. One tall and brunette,with curls the other shorter, but more built with wavy blonde hair.

"Hi honey, my name is Shawn, the brunette one said, and this is Connor, we're doctors at the hospital, we're going to help you okay, but I need you to tell me where it hurts okay" he asked, gently resting a hand on my arm, pulling a bag off his shoulder which I had not noticed.

As Shawn was rummaging around in his bag, Connor, came over to take my hand. "Hi sweetheart, I'm just going to take your pulse, can you remember anything that happened? Where you are or even your name?" he questioned, before going quiet. "Pulse is fast, but irregular, I'm going to go call for an ambulance, and let the guys know we'll be needing their help. We need to get her warmed up too, she's freezing," he spoke, rubbing my arm, before standing and making a call. Probably calling whoever 'the guys' were.

"I'm just going to test a few things before we get you to hospital and I need you to tell me if anything is painful okay?" The man- Shawn asked with a soft smile. I went to nod, but he reached for my head, stopping the action. "Just keep nice and still for us, we don't know what damage you've done, and we don't want to make anything worse. How about thumbs up for yes and thumbs down for no?" he suggested. I went to nod again, but caught myself, and gave him thumbs up instead.

"Okay, so I'm going to shine this light in your eyes," he explained, holding up what I recognised as a pen light from all the medical dramas I watched. "It might be a little bit uncomfortable, but it's important that we check this stuff out, so we know what we're working with," he finished, smiling sympathetically again, in the half light of the dim alley. "Just follow the light, but remember, don't move your head."

I did so, and he was right, it was uncomfortable, but I put up with it.

"The guys said they'll be here in five minutes, and they've put in a trauma call for an eta of twenty minutes." I couldn't help but jump at the voice that was suddenly right next to me. "Sorry darling, didn't mean to startle you," Connor apologised, reaching for my hand, and giving it a squeeze.

"Awesome," Shawn replied, clearly eager to get me to the hospital. "The sooner we can get her in the E.R.,the better, her pupils are uneven and slightly slower than I'd like."

"While we're waiting we may as well do the rest of her vitals. Have you got the rest of your kit? Normally I leave mine in my locker, but I guess it was somewhat of a happy accident I took it with me," Connor smiled down at me, before grabbing a stethoscope out of a bag which I had not noticed he had either. "Before I check your airways, can you remember your name yet? How old you are?"

I thought for a moment, which was much harder work then it should have been. "Grace..." I started, a little unsure.

"Great, well it's lovely to meet you Grace, can you tell me how old you are?"

"Twenty."

"Perfect," he praised. "Well that's a start." he nodded to himself, before moving to put the metal of his stethoscope to my chest. "Sorry hon," he apologised when I shivered from the cold of it.

They were both quiet for a moment, Connor listening to my chest, and Shawn doing something down by my legs. "Her breathing is shallow and uneven, sounds to me like there could be a collapsed lung, but we won't know for sure until we get x-rays," Connor told Shawn, pulling the metal away from my body.

"Grace," Shawn called, "Can you feel this?" he asked. I could feel him running his finger along the bottom of my foot, though I didn't know where my shoe had gone.

"Um, yeah."

"And this?" he continued up my leg, to a point I felt no pain, and then I was in the most pain I had ever been in.

"Ow! Ow! Stop, stop, please!" I begged, tears flooding down my face, as I tried desperately to pull away.

"Okay, okay. I'm sorry, I'm all done." he reassured me, moving back to my head, and wiping away the tears that were beginning to soak my clothing with gloved hands. "Connor, she's got a compound fracture to the fibula on her left side. Grace if you had to rate your pain, one being nothing, and ten being unbearable what would you say?" he asked.

"Ten," I whispered, trying to compose myself, before anyone else saw me crying.

"We'll get Brian to check it out when they get here, I can hear them now." Shawn was right, I could hear a faint siren in the distance which rose to an incessant blaring as an ambulance pulled up.

"Hi guys, what have we got?" I heard a new voice ask. They sounded cheerful, and oddly calm. Basically, everything that I wasn't at that moment.

"This is Grace, she's twenty, we found her here, she has no memory of what happened. She's got a slight concussion, with a suspected partially collapsed lung, compound fracture to the fibula- left leg and possible broken ribs. Possible internal bleeding as well, pain rating ten out of ten." Shawn recalled quickly.

"Hi Grace, my name's Brian," the man spoke appearing above my head. "And this guy here is Dave," he added, pointing to another person with tan skin, several tattoos and dark hair. "We're doctors at the hospital and we work with these two guys that you already know." As Brian explained, Dave got up, only to appear seconds later with a massive bag, and a board.

It was at this point that I was starting to become drowsy, which Shawn quickly noticed, tapping my face lightly to get a response. "Grace, we need you to stay awake okay, I know it's hard, but it's important you try. Dave has the spinal board so what we're going to do is splint this leg and then get you onto the board."

I didn't' respond, tiredness sweeping over me like a thick fog. From then on everything was hazy. I could hear the odd thing, but it was like I was under water.

...

When I woke, it was to bright lights and a painful swaying motion. I tried to shift, to alleviate some of my discomfort, but was meet with a hard, cold surface under me.

"Welcome back, we were starting to get worried there, we'll be about five minutes, and then hopefully we'll be able to get you slightly more comfortable." Shawn spoke from a seat at head of the bed I was laying on.

"Let's run some pain meds," I heard someone request, Dave I thought.

"On it," Brian spoke, from where he sat next to me. "Grace, I'm going to put an I.V. in okay, it'll just be a sharp scratch and then it's over,yeah?" he tried to appease me. I wasn't aware of it immediately, but I must have started to hyperventilate, because I found myself getting dizzy, and suddenly Connor was taking a mask off that one of them must have put on me while I was out.

"Just take deep breaths, Brian's a pro okay?" he smiled, taking my hand in a silent act of comfort.

Connor was right,Brian was a pro and soon enough I found some of the pain drifting away.

...

When we got to the hospital, I was metwith more bright lights, and lots of noise. No one ever tells you how loud a hospital emergency department is, and at that point in time, all I wanted to do was sleep!

After several random people, nurses I think had finished hooking me up to monitors, and had changed me into a gown- an embarrassing process in which I'm sure I managed to flash all four of the doctors, Connor insisted on getting x-rays and an MRI and CT scan, to look at the break in my leg. I hadn't seen it, but twenty minutes after the scans had come back declaring I had no life-threatening brain damage, Shawn came to inform me that it would indeed need surgery, which only caused more tears.

He was quick to assure me that he would be there throughout the whole process, something which I found mildly panic relieving, but it didn't change the fact that I was still having to go into surgery. Why was medicine so much less glamourous and fun in real life than on T.V? I wondered as he started attaching me to electrodes,"For an ECG," he explained when I looked at him questioningly from my stagnant position on the bed.

I did find a small ray of hope in the deluge of bad news, in that I didn't have any spinal damage, which meant I could have the stupid collar taken off, and be removed from the back board.

"Do you want the good news or the bad news first?" Dave asked, coming to stand next to the bed after Shawn and Connor had managed to get me back onto the normal bed, somehow doing so without causing me additional pain.

"Ummm?" I started, before laughing meaning that I dissolved into a fit of coughing, resulting in an intense burning throughout my chest.

"Just take a few breaths, no rush," Brian spoke, picking up my hand, taking my pulse again, as Shawn listened to my breathing again.

"Okay, there's definitely some damage, but it should repair itself in time. The important thing will be rest."

"Grace are you feeling light-headed at all?" Brian asked, a slight frown on his face, as he dropped my hand and turned to look at the monitor.

"No,why?" I asked.

"Because your pulse is fast, and your blood-pressure is high, nothing to worry about, probably just the stress of the situation, but we need to keep an eye on it is all."

"Oh okay,"

"So back to what we were saying before," Connor started. "Good news is, there's no signs of internal bleeding on any of the scans, but your leg on the other hand is a little more complicated, you'll probably need plates, and physio for sure."

"How long will it take to heal?" I asked, feeling dread bubbling up to the surface of my thinking.

"It really depends, on a couple of things. How bad it is, what your pain levels are like with the physio, and so on. But roughly, at least six months." He broke to me slowly, looking at me with sympathy in his eyes.

After that it was all a bit of a blur, the stress of the event finally starting to catch up with me. I woke up some time after the surgery, in a cast and traction, something which I was not happy with... especially when I realised that it meant that I would be relying on bed pans and sponge baths for the foreseeable future.

The coming days were easier, except for a particularly bad reaction to a pain killer Shawn gave me on the second night, which caused nasty bed spins, with vomiting thrown in. Luckily for me, he was a pro at dealing with things like this, and it was nothing out of the ordinary for a normal shift as an Intensive Care physician he reassured me, as my face burned in embarrassment when the nurse had to change my gown, due to sick getting on it. It was the absolute last thing I would have wanted to happen in front of someone like Shawn. When I'd first come in,I hadn't realised just how good looking he was, but oh my god, was he gorgeous, tall and muscular with curls that seemed to fall perfectly- a few resting on his forehead despite him constantly pushing them back. He was sweet too, always going out of his way to make sure I was okay, that I was as comfortable as I could be.

---

They pieced together when I was in surgery, that I had definitely been involved in a hit and run, something which they had concluded in my initial assessment unbeknownst to me when they found a series of tyre marks across my abdomen. They were sure to tell me just how lucky I was to get away with the injuries I did. I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry at this, and so ended up doing some of both.

Each day was easier than the last, and my mood was raised when my parents arrived, from arrived in Toronto all the way from Sydney, my home, which I had remembered after the concussion had subsided.

Eventually I could start rehabilitation, having to relearn how to use my leg, something which wasn't always easy, but they guys were always there to support me, and would supple a constant stream on bad jokes to keep my mind off the pain.

When it came to leaving day, as excited as I was I was also sad, I had formed bonds with these guys, especially Shawn, and they had literally given me my life back, something which I would also be grateful for. Little did I know that just over a year later I'd be laying on Shawn's chest as comfortable as could be, having been dating for a bit over nine months.

...

Present day

"Why are you crying Gracie?" he asked again, wiping away a tear with the pad of his thumb.

"I'm just so tired," I sniffled,hugging him more, craving the comfort and warmth he provided.

"How about a bath and an early night?" he suggested.

"Will you join?" I pleaded with my best puppy dog eyes.

He sighed, he hated baths and I knew it, but I needed him with me tonight, I was feeling emotional and vulnerable and he was the only one that could make it better.

"Only because it's you Princess," he smiled, shaking his head, before bending down and attaching his lips to mine in a long tender kiss.

"Love you," I smiled as he wrapped his arms around me again, creating the cacoon of warmth that I loved so much.

"Love you more."