#We Don't Know What Tomorrow Brings
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Thom Yorke’s Gear for The Smile’s NPR Tiny Desk Show
Thom at the piano during Panavision.
For The Smile’s Tiny Desk performance, Thom played his Fender Mustang bass on The Smoke and his vintage Guild Starfire II bass on Skirting On The Surface. Although we don’t get to hear the song, we can see that Thom played his 1964 Fender Jazzmaster when they performed We Don’t Know What Tomorrow Brings. The upright piano on Panavision belongs to Tiny Desk, as do the amps and microphones (we also explained this our last post). In an Instagram post, Bob Boilen mentioned that the band rehearsed for more than an hour before deciding which songs to play. This explains the range of guitars and basses that Thom brought along, only three of which would appear in the final video. Thom also brought a small pedalboard with a selection of his pedals for the show, and some of them went unused too — notably the Death By Audio Echo Dream 2, which he uses on You Will Never Work In Television Again.
Thom’s Instruments
Upright Piano
Fender EOB Stratocaster guitar
Fender Jazzmaster guitar in Olympic White (1964)
Martin 00-18 acoustic guitar (with Fishman Rare Earth pickup)
Fender Mustang bass in Olympic White
Guild Starfire II hollowbody bass in Cherry-Red (late-60s)
Thom’s Amplifiers (shared with Jonny):
Tiny Desk’s Fender ’68 Custom Deluxe Reverb combo amplifier
Tiny Desk’s Ampeg RB-110 combo amplifier
Thom’s Effects Pedals:
Guitar/Bass->
Boss TU-2 tuner
Death By Audio Echo Dream 2
Death By Audio Interstellar Overdriver
Earthquaker Devices Plumes overdrive
Telenordia TK-23 Kompressor
-> Amplifier
GigRig Generator and Distributor power supply
A photo of Thom’s mini bass and guitar pedalboard for the Tiny Desk show (joshrogosin). Looks like it’s just a plank with some velcro, almost certainly put together just for Tiny Desk.
Thom’s array of guitars (joshrogosin).
We can see Thom’s EOB Stratocaster with black covers on the Fernandes pickups. This was probably one of Fender’s original prototypes for Ed, before they sourced white pickup covers for the final version.
The Martin acoustic the newer one which Thom acquired around 2015, likely to save his older Martin from touring wear. It’s easiest to identify by the wear in the finish near the soundhole. Thom used his older Martin acoustic to performance Free In The Knowledge at the Royal Albert Hall in 2021. But for The Smile shows this year, he played this newer Martin, as can be seen in video from the Montreux Jazz Festival.
The headstock of Thom’s vintage Guild Starfire II bass (joshrogosin).
#Thom Yorke#The Smile#Skirting On The Surface#We Don't Know What Tomorrow Brings#The Smoke#Panavision#You Will Never Work In Television Again#NPR Tiny Desk#Tiny Desk#NPR
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A while ago I received a beautiful painting of Eishi in the mail from @kitsoa!! I've been meaning to post pictures of it but I so rarely have physical objects I wanted a proper photoshoot to do it justice <3
When I first saw this I was absolutely blown away by the colors. These magenta-maroon hues aren't ones I associate with urban cityscapes at all and yet it's beautiful and dreamlike. There are a lot of poignant moments of loneliness in this series and this piece really captures that feeling, in my opinion. I almost feel like crying when I look at it sometimes. Kitsoa just has a way with color I can never hope of coming close to; I often look at her artworks and think, "Ah, her brain's just wired in a fundamentally different way from mine." (NOT a lamentation btw-- I consider it a blessing that we are put on this earth to show each other pictures of that which the other could not conceive of)
I have it up on my wall with sticky tack (didn't want to put tape on the front in case it got damaged when I inevitably have to move away) and I look at it all the time. I love it so much!! Thank you!!
#birdmen#karasuma eishi#not mine#LOLLL perceptive members of the health committee may notice that these are the same flowers as the ones from my kaish*n merch shoot#and you may be thinking to yourself. wow. the colors of the flowers match this piece WAY more than the kaish*n stuff.#and well. you know. I actually DIDN'T bring this with me to the flower shop because. you know.#my merch gets damaged... whateverburger. I have more of it at home.#if THIS got damaged though I think I would go directly to hell do not pass go do not collect $200. so she didn't know about it at all#she just looked at my stuff and went 'ohhh what a shame we don't have blue flowers right now...'#(points at the bottom half of the book cover) we do have some orange-pink-yellow ones though#like the roses here or the [those other flowers. idk what they are lol.]#and I was like hmmmmmmm perfectttt actuallyyyyy#she even threw in an extra rose bc I told her I was going to take photos tomorrow#and she was worried the rose would have opened too much by the time I did it... sighing dreamily.#its crazy bc like. I kind of get it now kiriko.#and like in chorus too he has flowers in his apartment#but like I get it now. it's kind of great. to have flowers I mean. LOL
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also i am going to the dr tomorrow so please can you send some spare good vibes my way if you have them thank you
#new drs surgery so guessing completely unfamiliar dr who will know nothing of my complicated medical situation. 👍#and a place i don't know At All.#and the DOCTOR. on a SATURDAY.#god on top of everything i've gotta deal with more med changes too coooooooooooooooool! can a guy just be well for a while.#and i've got like 3 separate things that i've needed to bring up for months but appointments are so short and so hard to get that i just#haven't been able to so they're getting worse and worse and i'm like. what's a guy supposed to do for real!!!! i need like. Real medical#care that simply does not exist in this current system!#like i'm so grateful that we're trying to work to figure my migraines out but i have more to discuss and they're fully like 'you gotta book#another appointment for that bud we're out of time' and i'm like 'i don't HAVE time! like i have the calendar but i don't have the wellness#' ARGH. anyway. this too will be resolved. i have written myself a note i will try to see if they can book me another appointment when#i'm at my appointment tomorrow. it will be fine. it will be fine! it's unlikely to be anything serious anyway it's just another layer of#yuck on the already abundant layers of long-term unwellness you know. BUT we stay silly :3#hahaha no wonder i've been increasingly unhinged all week when you actually have to think about the problems it's like. woag.#BUT we stay silly :3 in 24 hours it will have happened so. whatever.
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BREAKING NEWS i said yeah on the phone and rascal meowed back at me from across the room hehe
#ALSO. PARENTS JUST INFORMED ME WE MAY BE ADOPTING/FOSTERING A DOG#IT'S SUPER SHORT NOTICE BC HE'S A SHELTER GUY AND HE'S SET TO BE EUTHANIZED SOON#IM. FREAKING OUT I WANNA MEET HIM SO BAD I WANT THE DETAILS BUT IM ON CAMPUS RN#8 MONTH OLD SHEPHERD MIX (not sure what kind of shepherd but ig probably german?). IM COMIN TO GET YOU#this may mess with my 'what if we got a cat after my senior dogs are gone' idea but. but oupy dog#god i love dogs so much uaughhh.... im getting my hopes up so much you guys don't even know#i mean they wouldn't tell us only to say no right#update they are going to meet him + tomorrow we'll bring our dogs and the whole family to meet him#assuming my mom's allergies don't act up around him#but he looks and seems so sweet and goofy and weirdly gentle which is good bc sometimes shepherds can be a bit rough#and that's also good bc like. we have two senior dogs and we don't want him to stress them out or injure them by being a puppy all over them#one of the shelter videos respectfully pans away as he squats to take a shit which is very charming to me#but yeah i really really hope it works out bc like. he seems like such a guy + i love animals So So Much + i don't think anyone else would#swoop in in time if we don't. our shelter is perpetually full and they're a kill shelter#and im choosing not to think about the possibility of us not at least fostering him for the time being#bc i need to keep working and thinking I Killed This Dog By Not Somehow Forcing My Parents Into It is not going to help that#and i have no reason to believe it Will go wrong. all signs point to good atm so im going to trust that#even if it means i eventually get charlie brown footballed by my dogs hating him or something
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i just think it's so funny that when *i* lash out and start bitching *about* management to my coworkers because of a stressful day at work, i get pulled into the office to discuss my attitude, but when a manager lashes out and bitches *at me* because of a stressful work day, i get a halfassed "oh sorry, but-" and i'm expected to roll over and take it.
#ace rambles#negative//#boss prompted us to stop talking and keep it moving. okay sure whatever.#i lightheartedly asked what the rush was because we were almost done for the day#boss immediately snaps and starts yelling about how she's been busting her ass and hasn't gone to lunch yet#and she's ''not gonna watch four people stand and talk'' while she busts her ass#we were standing there for maybe thirty seconds. i didn't put you in that fucking situation girl#you're flying off the handle at the wrong guy#and i just know that if i had lashed out like that at her it would have at BEST been another ''conversation''#and more likely i would have been written up#i guess it's just another reminder that she's my boss. not my friend.#because if she were my FRIEND i would have been able to explain to her that that was incredibly hurtful#and that it really could have been just a minor issue at most#but i can't exactly look my boss in the eye and say ''hey you major overrracted and really hurt my feelings''#i've tried it with other managers and it doesn't end well#and look. i'm no stranger to getting frustrated and losing my cool.#it's a thing i'm actively trying to get better about but i'm big enough to admit that i have a long way to go.#the fact that she yelled at me isn't even what's bothering me#it's mostly the fact that i did not get a real apology and i really doubt i will.#and if i try and bring it up tomorrow or later then *i'm* going to look like the one who's overreacting and can't let it go#which tbh i probably maybe am?#i think i'm probably being stupid but i have a bad history with yelling and anger#which i don't need to get into you guys know the origin story already#whatever man#i want to cry but i'm in public still
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i'm making a presentation for a friend's birthday party and remembering how much i hate making presentations.
#he's doing a powerpoint night#i really just have tonight and tomorrow to make this if i want to spend friday reading my favorite book#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa help what have i gotten myself into#i wasn't gonna make one but he said we didn't have to bring gifts if we made presentations and i don't have a gift#so i'm gonna make one about snails#but i don't know enough about snails off the top of my head so now i have to do RESEARCH#help#whacked seal posting
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no please dont close your account youre so sexy haha
woman i swear
#mara let me delete my tumblr account 2023 tour#i won't delete it for now but we don't know what tomorrow will bring#howdy u guys how ya doing
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I've had such a silly/stupid/weird/eye-opening day. Time to blog about it
Went to my derm for a check up completely miserable and fucked up my left bike brake on the way over. The derm says I'm fine and healing well, it's the derm with the good bedside manner and the sick blue metallic shoes, I believe her. I feel slightly relieved.
On my way back I sit by a lavender bush for a while and look at the bumblebees who are collecting nectar. I help one of the smaller ones back onto a flower, a guy comes by on a bike with his camera and takes pictures of them. My mood lifts.
I come back to my bike and find a way to hold my brake gear in place so I can bike to a shop to fix it. I call them in advance, they tell me they can fix it. I bike for three minutes and almost eat shit. My break line has now completely snapped. I can bike freely, it's not ideal but it works.
I get to the shop. The one of the employees takes a look at my bike and tells me he's gonna try and fix it.
I spend about two hours there.
We talk. The employee is the new owner, this shop is one of his three businesses. I tell him I animate for a living and the film I'm most proud of being able to work on was one surrounding themes of police brutality. He tells me his sister is also an animator (3D) and that he used to be a cop. He left because he doesn't believe the system will get any better. He admitted under staffing was part of the problem, but that the police are inherently a racist organization that doesn't intend on changing its ways. He told me he couldn't stand the amount of injustice he saw while he was working for the police and so he quit.
I ask him which of the businesses he currently owns is his favorite.
He tells me he owns a massage parlor and that helping people relax also makes him happy. The other two have nothing to do with each other but he also tells me he's either been an escort or that he has run an escort service (I forget), has worked in court and as a youth fire fighter, all until he got bored and decided to do something else.
He also tells me he's 23 years old.
I tell him I think it's pretty admirable how he can switch careers so quickly and that I wish I could do that.
He asks me what I would do if I could and I can't think of anything in the moment. I ask him what he wants to do next and he also doesn't know.
He can't fix my bike in the end. The whole brake needs to be replaced and he doesn't know how to do it. The person who usually repairs the bikes is at a different location. He calls the other store and they agree to take my bike. I'll have it back tomorrow.
He gives me a bike to loan and we fill in my contact info. He asks if my first name is with an "e" or an "a" but then spells my last name with two L's on accident. It's late in the afternoon so who cares really.
I ride my newly loaned bike out into the rain. It feels as if the chain is busted at first, after adjusting the gear handle from one to three it rides like a dream.
#okay okay I don't know if I'm super gullible or anything#or how much of this was true#but he was nice and his colleague said he was also so I believe him#this is heavily edited down we talked about way more stuff! I talk to strangers pretty often when I'm outside but this dude stands out#anyway life finds a way!#I'm feeling a lot better then I did this morning who knows what tomorrow will bring#///
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the fact it's been five fucking years and i still sob like a baby any time some character comes out and their parents accept them fucking sucks
#i did not expect to be so tense i started sweating and my jaw started hurting just from watching a silly episode of schitts creek#but here we are.#i do not like coming out stories. they are constantly stressful and i avoid them as much as possible#but i didn't know that's what the episode was going to be and then it was#and like i knew they weren't going to have his parents Not accept him but all the nerves were there#and then he told them and they just told him they loved him and wanted him to be happy#and i started crying#it just fucking sucks. all my friends know. day to day i don't think about it#but like earlier my mom asked if i wanted to do something with her tomorrow and i got nervous#because what if i do the wrong thing. what if i say the wrong thing. what if this is the day she decides i'm too queer and she brings it up#what if this is the time church gets talked about again and i can't hold it in#i have been on eggshells my entire life and i'm so fucking tired of it#i'm scared to even looking into transition. i don't feel like i can even try to date. i can't buy things i want cause what if they see them#what if i do and they stop talking to me. if i don't wait till my grandma dies will she disown me?#will i still get to see my cousins if my family finds out? will i get to go to holidays and birthdays and family dinners if they know?#it would be easier if i didn't care about them or i knew they didn't love me#but i do and i they do and so i'm scared#and i could just get it over with and be done with it and tell everyone#but i don't have a girlfriend and i'm not transitioning so what's the point#it seems stupid to tell them when i'm not changing at all. so why change my relationships with them#i don't know. i'm just fucking tired of it
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#my mother: hes DOESN'T bring his son here every time he has to be alone with him#my brother in law: literally brings the kid here tomorrow and the day after tomorrow bc my sister works all day#marking exactly two weeks of him being here every single day#and my sister also has the courage to say I don't give a hand to my mom with cleaning the house#first of all how the hell do you know what i do here#and if my mom is the one that says i do nothing then we need to talk about who really does not move a finger to help which is my father#another man! how surprising#but anyway tell me how am i supposed to do anything when the kid is here basically 24/7 and i use the few moments i have for myself to like#enjoy life a little? go drive with my father so i can take this licence? go to the cinema maybe?#or just read a book really#we talk about one hour a day#I'm so tired so pissed off by this situation you have no idea#I never wanted to be a mother jesus christ
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The Smile’s Gear for The Smile’s NPR Tiny Desk Performance
Photo by joshrogosin.
NPR has finally released the Tiny Desk performance that The Smile recorded back in late-November 2022. The band usually performs at low volumes, and they tend to rely on venue ambience rather than adding their own reverb, so it’s no surprise that they fit right in at Tiny Desk. However, it’s still a surprise hearing the band totally dry, particularly without Thom’s various vocal delay pedals. In an Instagram post, Bob Boilen said the band spend "roughly 90 minutes" rehearsing to decide on the songs to play. The band also recorded We Don’t Know What Tomorrow Brings, but according to Boilen "they weren't happy with their performance", so the song isn't included. The band clearly rehearsed a bunch of things, as much of the gear they brought along wasn't used in the final video.
There was too much detail to include in one post, so we’ve split it into two more. But for now, here’s a brief overview with the key details:
Thom played his Fender Mustang bass on The Smoke, and his vintage Guild Starfire II bass on Skirting On The Surface. Both are short-scale basses, which Thom tends to favor. Although we don’t get to hear the song, we can see that Thom played his 1964 Fender Jazzmaster guitar on We Don’t Know What Tomorrow Brings. Although we don’t get to hear the song, we can see that Thom played his 1964 Fender Jazzmaster guitar on You Will Never Work In Television Again, rather than the vintage Epiphone Casino he played on the song at recent live shows (including on The Tonight Show).
As at live shows in 2022, Jonny played his early-70s Fender Precision Bass in natural finish on Panavision and You Will Never Work In Television Again. For The Smoke and Skirting On The Surface, he played his vintage Gibson Les Paul in natural finish. Jonny only used his Boss RE-202 Space Echo as a reverb on The Smoke. But on Skirting, he used his RE-202 as a delay, his Akai Headrush E2 as a looper, and his Electro-Harmonix Freeze during the solo. All of that closely mirrors how Jonny played the songs at live shows throughout 2022.
Thom and Jonny shared a pair of small combo amps, using a Fender ‘68 Custom Reissue Deluxe Reverb for guitars and an Ampeg RB-110 combo for bass. Both amps belong to Tiny Desk and can be seen in recent performances. This is the first time Thom or Jonny have been seen with either of those amps, and the Ampeg should not be confused with the Ampeg PF-50T combos that Jonny used for The Smile’s Magazine performances in January 2022.
The upright piano played by Thom, the drum kit and cymbals played by Tom, and the wide range of AEA ribbon microphones all similarly belong to Tiny Desk, and can be seen in other videos on the Tiny Desk channel.
Photo by joshrogosin.
#The Smile#Panavision#The Smoke#You Will Never Work In Television Again#Skirting On The Surface#Tom Skinner#Thom Yorke#Jonny Greenwood#NPR#npr tiny desk#Tiny Desk#We Don't Know What Tomorrow Brings
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i am losing my fucking miiiiind
#i have a new years eve 'party' with a few friends tomorrow and I made the mistake of mentioning to friend N that I was gonna make cookies#and fudge to bring because. you know. i like cookies and fudge. duh. self-explanatory. i want to bring cookies and fudge.#and N (who i stg needs to be With Her Friends at least six days a week or she will die or something) was like 'we should bake them#together that morning!'#and i knew i couldn't say no because any time I say no or that I don't want to do something or that I don't like something it becomes#a fucking interrogation so i was like fine. whatever. we can bake them together.#except THEN she said that she doesn't like fudge!!! so let's not make fudge!!! oh but actually she has a gReAt cookie recipe from her#baking class last semester! we should use that! and we should make cupcakes too!#and i'm like GIRL????? THE WHOLE GODDAMN POINT WAS THAT I WANTED SOME MOTHERFUCKING FUDGE????#so fine. whatever. i just made fudge and I can cut it up tomorrow and bring it like i'd planned#because i knew if i said i really wanted to make fudge with her she'd get all pouty and 'pretend she's fine' but not really#and i didn't want to deal with that. i know how to make fudge. i can make my own fudge.#and then she mentioned that she didn't really like vanilla cupcakes but hey we can totally make both vanilla and chocolate cupcakes!#which is great because i like both! so that works out really well!#well i offered to bring the vanilla cake mix and guess what.#no come on guess#you'll never guess#she said i didn't have to worry about that because she doesn't really like vanilla cupcakes :D#GIRL??? WE HAD THIS CONVERSATION????#AND she said she'd buy the ingredients and waited until today and then had a panic attack and didn't leave the house SO that's gonna cut#into our baking time tomorrow. which honestly I would be thrilled about if her two solutions were either I meet her at the store at#baking o'clock OR she goes shopping first thing and then we still meet at her house at baking o'clock#like no! go buy them! i'll meet you at baking:30#I'll meet you at baking + one hour#i lack the mental capacity for this I stg#i wish she had more than three friends because she's the only friend I see on a regular basis and it's still not nearly enough for her#OOOOH FRIEND H WITH THE CLUTCH! SHE SAYS SHE PREFERS CHOCOLATE CUPCAKES SO WE'RE MAKING BOTH NOW#you know. if we have time. since we have to buy the ingredients first.#it's gonna be a trainwreck i already know it#we baked together one (1) time and that was my birthday cake (and I tried to say I didn't like x flavor and she was like 'but whyyy it's so
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it is november, and yesterday it felt like it was supposed to be snowing. in boston, november used a winter month, not a fall month. it is supposed to be chilly; rarely capping over 45F. it is a sweater-and-jacket month. it is a "maybe a scarf too" month. in my childhood, november meant blizzards and sleet.
it did not snow. tomorrow the weather predicts a high of 76.
i have spent so many years of my life studying the longterm possibilities of climate change - the culmination of capitalism wreaking havoc on the bodies of people, animals, plants - but every so often i am still shocked by something small and personal.
in a hundred years, when someone goes outside in boston - will they know the feeling of "snow in the air"?
i know it's a learned feeling, a sensation that maybe only longterm experience can teach. a few years ago, i was walking with my friend who had just moved up from the south. i said it smells like snow and she gave me this look like - what the fuck. i said it feels like snow too, which didn't help. she looked up to the bright blue sky and then back at me and then back at the sky. 12 hours later, we had 3 inches. you can just tell if it's going to snow.
except i can't tell, anymore. i stand outside in a tee shirt and watch my dog dance around a lake. we're in a drought and the skin of the water has peeled back twenty meters. the lake is tamed, quiet, puddlelike and sour. my pokemon go app warns there's a weather condition in my area.
my dog gets too hot from running and sits in the water and i want to laugh about his long frame and how awkwardly he sits - and i can't. some simian part of my brain is scratching the walls. it was supposed to snow. it was supposed to snow, but now it's warm instead.
during the last full solar eclipse, the dogs and the birds and the crickets went crazy under utter darkness. we laughed at them then, promising it will all be okay in a moment. but some part of me is still locked in that long night: some animal sensation.
something is wrong, my body says. i can't afford eggs or rent. i go outside to watch a sunset and listen to birdsong. i don't bring a jacket. allergies are killing me this season, allergies i didn't have as a kid. everyone comments that halloween has started to feel strange, offkilter. that it's hard having "holiday cheer." my body thinks it's april, and then it thinks we're in september, and then june.
something is terribly wrong, she whispers. go outside. it is supposed to be snowing.
#spilled ink#warm up#.....#i had 2 people close to me die within a month#sorry for not being around#on the other hand#my friend code on pokemon go is#4747 8104 8180
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Caved and started reading fire and blood and I'm so genuinely baffled that it doesn't have a map? What? Like it has a family tree which makes sense but there's no map. There's always maps in the main series books, most fantasy books in general, you'd think It'd be really useful in something like this
#maybe its cause the maps were a different illustrator or something? idk#i spent like five minutes looking for one other other day convinced that it must be in there some#where#im reading the part about Aegon's conquest thenim gonna skip to the dance cause this shits LONG#its a library book so i cant annotate it though which is kind of a bummer#that family tree is terrifying btw#like i don't know what i expected#but i was looking at it while i was at my desk at work yesterday and my god#might bring it to work tomorrow cause my boss is at a conference this week which means i can read at my desk#reminds me of the dry medival history stuff we used to read in ap lang a little bit#which makes sense#fire and blood#strange reads
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#we're supposed to do a final push move tomorrow#i have already felt for awhile that my partner's parents are quite annoying#which is way too easy to feel guilty about because they do a lot for us and seem like good people for the most part#but like. they have made moving very frustrating and have been weirdly controlling about it#and just. like nonsensical to the point of it feeling like aggression#i lost track of how many fucking times we had the interaction 'where do you want this?' 'over there so it's not in the way'#'imma set it here' specifically where it will be in the way? fucking why? and my back is fucked up rn WHICH THEY KNOW so#moving it out of the way myself is frequently not an option#they left literally every single box directly in a fucking tight area that seperates our entry from our bedrooms#they stacked them higher than i can handle safely even when my back *doesn't* hurt#i moved things further into the house and out of the way and informed them i had done so and why#they continued fucking putting shit in the exact same spot anyway#there's literally a mattress a boxspring seven boxes a three tier organizer and a clear tote in this fucking spot#i'm not fucking moving it and they can deal with it when they come in tomorrow#i came over here to get some clothes for my partner so they can br girlmode for a haircut tomorrow#and we were essentially harassed into packing everything except a few days of clothes already despite it having been A MONTH since we#started paying rent and we aren't fucking sleeping here yet#and like. it's so quiet. and it's a reasonable temperature in here. they come home from their other house and turn the AC down so low#that i can't comfortably sit in the house without thick pajamas a jacket a blanket and sometimes a heating pad too!!#i don't even want to go back to go bed over there but i have to bring the fucking clothes back#his dad is such a controlling dickwad and is so fucking contrarian about everything even when it's not his thing#and literally they'll offer aid just so they can control what we do i swear!!!!#like 'we'll pay for X portion but if we do you must choose thing with Y parameters'#'we'll pay for 50% of your washer and dryer but they have to be front loaders'#they tried to pressure us into accepting a condo that they would buy (we would pay monthly building fees) and sell if/when we left#they didn't say 'let's look at some condos together' they said 'here we'll buy this specific one do you like it?' and KEPT ASKING ABOUT IT#AFTER WE SAID NO MULTIPLE TIMES#i put my foot down on that offer so fucking hard because i knew there were gonna be shit ass rules because it would be their property still#like no i will not be putting cameras in my home and i will be burning candles thank you and i'm going to have a christmas tree and#on and on and on
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Part Five
Can't stop thinking about the attempt of reconciliation and reader ain't having it. Our girl is going to be wilddddd y'all. Also goodnight. See y'all tomorrow (maybe)
You call Meredith when you get home.
You. Are. Fuming. She's not sure she can ever remember a time you using so many swear words at one time.
How fucking dare them? Immature? You're the immature one? You were the one trying your best to salvage four failing relationship meanwhile none of those assholes could be bothered to try and keep one. They had one person to manage: you.
"I wanna go out this weekend." "Wear something tight and borderline risk indecent exposure."
"You know what I always say," Meredith begins. "The best way to get over someone-"
"is to get under someone else." You finish. You weren't exactly keen on the idea of bringing someone to your bed just yet, but a little attention would do you some good. "I don't want to fuck someone just yet." You admitted. "I'm more on the getting drunk and making out."
"I didn't know we resorted back secondary school heavy petting?" She teased.
"University, Dear." You corrected. "I didn't peak until after I graduated."
"No." She argued. "You didn't put your books down long enough to realize that boys actually wanted to fuck you." You were glad she couldn't see you roll your eyes. "Saturday work for you? I have a late night Friday and won't be up for it."
"That works."
"Sorry." She apologized. "I plan on getting you absolutely smashed so I need to be ready to play the nanny. I know how you love to get drunk and run off."
It was true. You had always found it hilarious when you were drunk to just run. Quite literally run away. It got to a point during university where Meredith would handcuff you to her so you didn't stray.
"I won't run." Your sober mind promised.
"Uh huh." Meredith's tone told you that she knew that was a load of shit. "I'll text Tabs. Let her know the plan."
The next day at the shop was pretty uneventful. No more unexpected visitors. You still had them all blocked. Not caring if now they decided to offer up some bullshit apology.
Months. This had been a steady decline for six months. A text or a simply sorry won't fix this. You weren't sure anything could.
But it didn't matter. You were done and they obviously were too.
You had picked up enough take out to feed a family, but you didn't plan on making your lunch before work or cooking when you got home. The rest of the week you planned on just going through the motions until you could go out Saturday and hopefully get everything out.
You weren't paying attention as you walked down the hallway to your flat. Fishing in your purse for keys. You were at almost at your door when you saw him.
Sitting next to your door was a familiar face. A face you felt you haven't seen in forever.
“What are you doing here, Kyle?" Your voice was flat as you continued to blindly try and find your keys with one hand. Fuck. You really need to clean out your purse...
“My key wouldn’t work.” He explained. "So I’m out here.”
"I'm aware why you're not in my apartment since I changed the locks," you said, trying to keep your irritation at bay. "What I am asking is why did you come here?"
"You won't return any of our messages."
"You're all blocked, so technically I didn't really get any messages." "Besides, you don't get to complain to me about not responding to texts, Kyle Garrick." Your fingers finally wraps around them. God bless. "If you're here for your things, it'll have to wait. I have to sort through everyone's shit and I don't know whose is whose."
"We need to talk." He explains as you put the key into the lock, opening the door.
"Nah," you say scrunching your nose in that way he used to adore. "I'm good. But you can swing by tomorrow and pick up your things if you'd like." You say before trying to shut the door on him. You were stupid in thinking you could be faster than him.
Dammit.
"I know things haven't been good and I've definitely could have been better,'' he admits. "But can you at least try and let us apologize? Let us try and work it out."
"No." You answered, trying to close the door. Not caring if you had to resort to kicking his shins to get him out.
"Why not?" He countered.
“Maybe because I've already tried, Kyle?” You gave up on trying to shut him out. You were strong, but he didn't have any issues in besting you. “Because I actually tried with you. With all of you. You didn’t need to come here giving me excuses about your life being hectic because I’ve made the excuses for you.” You didn't miss how he practically flinched. He had always blamed his busy life. Family. Work. You stopped caring about whatever excuse he gave you and realized it was just that. An excuse. “I’ve been telling myself for months that everything you guys didn’t do for me wasn’t because you didn’t care about me. It was because of the stress of your deployments is the reason none of you tell me when you get back from until it’s time to fuck. I tell myself it’s because of the fucked up situation of me being with all of you that makes it awkward to meet your families. Families you all have that I now know I’m not worthy of meeting.” He wanted to correct you. You were. You were worthy. He was an idiot. “It’s not that I need your excuses to make me feel like what you did was justified. No matter what it was, it was apparently to you because you did it.”
He took a step back, processing everything you had said. He had been selfish. You were the reliable constant in his life. Someone he believed he never disappointed. Someone he couldn't disappoint no matter how many times he fucked up.
You took the opportunity to slam the door. Quickly turning the lock before he had a chance to open it back up.
God...
That felt good.
You had spent that evening collecting their thing in case Kyle did show back up tomorrow. You wouldn't make their lives easier by sorting all their shit and organizing it. Everything. One box. Let them figure it out. You almost had a mind to add a shirt that you knew didn't belong to any of them just to have them argue over it. Or least make them think there was someone else...
You were almost tempted if not for the premise that you wanted them to realize this was their fault. Their fuck up. But now that you were officially all broken up, you were free game.
#captain john price#kyle gaz garrick#simon ghost riley#call of duty#john soap mactavish#angst with a happy ending#angst#grovel#jealousy
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