#Walk Thu Me
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Folk Implosion single out today, first leg of summer tour announced!
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On autonomy, and what it means to be Obliged to Help.
Bonus:
#a homestuck walks into an antechamber and asks#hey is anybody going to make this dynamic wholly deterministic and thus dubiously consensual by its very nature#ANYWAY bigger ramble below. scroll down like usual#isat spoilers#isat#isat fanart#isat siffrin#isat loop#sifloop#THATS RIGHT WE'RE STILL SHIP TAGGING IT BABYYYY#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#lucabyteart#RAMBLE START: anyway i think loop is wrong here. they have it backwards. as-- in my opinion--#the main reason they could be called back into existence postcanon is because *their* wish for help is still not complete#they still need help. siffrin still needs help. neither of them will ever stop needing help.#they will thus uphold the wish until the end of siffrin's natural lifespan.#that said. what does it mean that loop can be so wholly forced to abide by siffrin's wants?#(assuming the dagger cutscene posession is them being forced to uphold the 'help siffrin' wish via harsh universe logic)#[as opposed to something capricious and cruel the change god did. which feels out of character for the change god to me?]#much like how the island wish and duplicate objects are neutered by simply sliding off people's brains...#is loop subtly ushered toward their wish? obviously it's not a full override (see: the bossfight). but is there any interference?#and if so. so what? does it matter? if they don't notice? is it even real if they don't notice?#and even if they do notice. the universe leads we follow. how much do either of them value their free will in a belief system like that?#the whole game is dedicated to siffrin habitually NOT excersizing his free will. doing things the same Every Time.#Loop ESPECIALLY does this. predetermined predetermined predetermined even in the FACE OF CHANGE. REFUSING. ANY CHOICE.#Maybe they'd even be comforted by having a universe-ordained purpose even if it is subservient. even if its to Him.#(though. i can't see siffrin enjoying the idea that someone is subservient TO them... then all their suffering is his fault...)#loop got into this mess via WANTING too much. no more free will. can't be trusted with it. take it away from them.#but yeah. gets my greasy detective pony hands all over this. and everyone please do remember i like to make characters Outright Wrong A Lot
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the more i rewatch twin peaks i am reminded more and more that albert rosenfield (and to a lesser extent bobby briggs, though he doesn’t quite articulate it as clearly as albert with the exception of him breaking down at laura’s funeral) is THE only character to recognize laura’s death for what it was—completely avoidable, unromantic, and caused by human evil that nobody recognized the signs of or did anything to stop
#twin peaks#albert rosenfield#bobby also gets it but he is a deeply emotional struggling seventeen year old with many issues who we watch process his trauma day by#day on the show and thus has a specific emotional POV (which i think is actually incredibly well written and makes sense for his#character and relationship to the town and to laura)#meanwhile i think about the fact that one of the first major moments interpersonal conflicts set up for him is that he wants to do the#autopsy on laura and finds himself fighting with half the town—including other law enforcement officers—to just do his job and try to bring#this dead child justice like. it is so incredible to be how key his character is in getting why the show is the way it is#and then to watch fire walk with me completely tempers the way you view the show; why didn’t anyone help laura when she was alive? and why#is albert the only one to do so after her death?
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its so funny that all minute—the guy who once upon a time hoped to redeem zam—'s team has accomplished is getting him to consider giving up his remaining honor in order to match the level they're playing on ?
#m#lifesteal#i can't stop thinking about minute&co dismissing the argument about how they've encouraged players#to ban themselves and thus contradicted their own stated goal#the way 'peaceful ending' warped into 'it doesn't matter what we do so long as we can flip a switch at the end' but what the fuck happens#in a scenario where you unban everyone who you've pissed off ? are they happy? is that peace? and you won't even defend the choice!#what the fuck is happening here!#you laugh at zam for saying he's won but you won't have the argument that you know you'd lose ^_^#none of this is angry in tone i'm having fun. thisis my bread and butter. i'm happy lifesteal is weird and tense again#enjoying that it's looped this far around into the ACTIVE dismissal of rp-logic where zam&co are having to say 'okay then#we'll win This game too!'#them acting dismayed that mapicc wouldn't walk into that obsidian box. like oh my god#and it's so different from the weird tenseness of s4 it's something different entirely. new meta conflicts just for me !????#we'll see how it all ends.... they might make me mad again but we'll cross that bridge#it's so different from the Vitalasy Incident even though both involve people functioning in opposition to lifesteal's 'storytelling rules'#for vi it was because of his emotional investment. it manifested in nothing but endless 'character-level' debate in the lead up and#plenty of emotional roleplay from vitalasy in the aftermath#vi's primary effect on season 4 through the wormhole was to render lifesteal's gameplay obsolete#pb&j's primary effect is instead to focus intently on Winning that game while everything else falls by the wayside
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Lucien this is NOT a secure location why are you visiting me in the Mythic Dawn headquarters
#I decide to sleep once out of combat to restore my magicka#and guess who wakes me up?#Lucien Lachance#then once he casts his chameleon spell he walks away. I get into combat with Mythic Dawn acolytes and have thus lost track of him#then I suddenly get a message that Lucien Lachance is dead#like. bro#it's your own damn fault#now I have to reload my save and I guess NOT SLEEP because fucking LUCIEN DOESN'T KNOW THAT THE MYTHIC DAWN HQ IS DANGEROUS!!!#THIS ISN'T A SECURE LOCATION#VISIT ME IN A MAGES GUILD OR SOMETHING#oblivion#dark brotherhood#tesblr
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One last store update! After this I will begin sending emails to a subscriber list.
You can input your email of choice for my shop newsletter into this google form here.
A quick summary of some things:
I was unable to finish orders by printing their shipping labels by today, despite what I said last week, because of health issues that had to be addressed instead.
More of my product order was messed up, had enough items to fulfill every order but I’ve been left with ZERO extra stock on a couple items to put into my shop after.
I got enough interest in the Halloween keychains and stickers so I will be making them.
Full explanations below ^^
I have now packed every single order and reviewed all of their contents. However I was unable to send them out today as at some point last week I became very unwell. I’ve been going downhill for a while but it has never gotten to this degree this fast before. I still don’t really know what caused it and so I had been unable to pack over the weekend and couldn’t get all the shipping labels printed for them today.
I will be printing these labels out and taking chunks of the orders to the post office over the next few days.
But the more I’d packed the more I’d realized more of my product order had been messed up. I had ordered extras of everything and yet some of the products that I ordered just BARELY fulfilled every order — I had to use some of the initial samples to fulfill every order but rest assured they are the exact same as the products in size and quality. I have exactly ZERO of some products left over for shop stock when I’d ordered 10-15 extra of every item (as well as TOO MANY of some less popular products that didn’t need all these extras) which sadly means a few items will not be in stock when I open the store back up. I may put discounts on the unwanted extras I received because of this.
While I would expect by default to receive the products in the quantity that I ordered, I also understand that I ordered hundreds of products all in one order, and that is only one order that is being fulfilled out of the many other orders they get daily. I myself did not count out every single product to check because of the sheer amount of everything that was ordered — I had ordered over 500 keychains alone to fulfill the preorders and the entire order has taken up a full room when all spread out. But I still did not count beforehand and would only find out once I’d run out of a certain product, so I accept this is partly my responsibility too. This should not happen again as I never expect to make an order this big again, I had only done this for shop startup, and I will be making another order to restock these products. But it’s still sad it happened.
I apologize for this and I appreciate all of your patience once again. I am explaining all of this as I believe you are owed information about what is going on seeing as you’ve put money into this, and I myself said they would all be sent out by Monday. I just want to be transparent ^^
And one last thing — many of you wanted Halloween merchandise, so I will be moving forward with that! (I’ve decided they will not be glow in the dark though, as I’d have to make every vibrant color instead transparent for the glow to come through, and I believe the designs would suffer too much without these colors)
I have ordered from this manufacturer multiple times before over the years and they’ve always gotten it right with more reasonably-sized orders, so I am confident these will not have the same problems as this preorders period has.
Thank you again very much for your support and understanding up to this point!! <3
#I don’t know how long I’m still going to feel like this#basically it’s heart issues#at first I had thought I’d reacted really bad to caffeine in headache medication that I’d taken#because I cannot have caffeine#but it had never done that to me before and it’s been lasting for longer than caffeine would even be in my system#and maybe it still was the caffeine I don’t know#but for now#I do not know how long things will be like this#I can’t carry anything heavy or walk or stand for long periods of time right now#so I will have to take the orders in chunks over the course of about three days with some help probably#I promise I’m not pushing myself though I take breaks the moment I feel like I should#I’ve been getting help and this is a health issue I’ve already been trying to address and my job thankfully gave me some relief#so I’ve just been resting for a few days and thankfully have a head start on managing this#I do apologize if any of this has been disjointed or disconnected concentrating does not come easy right now#thank you all for your patience thus far it means so much to me
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Okay, probably not a hot take, but imma scribble about it anyway,
I honestly think Cale Hetinuse/Kim Rok Soo has chronic pain/fatigue.
Like, everybody loves the whole coughing up blood/wet meow meow thing he's always doing, but personally? People who are that nonchalant about Shit Happening To Their Body, are typically people who are waaaaay too used to Fucked Up Shit Happening To Their Body,
It's just a head canon, but as someone who is chronically in pain, I absolutely do some of the stupid shit CH/KRS does, like carrying stuff I should NOT be carrying, or continuing to Do Things even when I should be sitting and resting. I also know several people who (like me) can be experiencing level 4-5 pain and not show a hint on their face/through their actions besides maaaaybe moving a bit slower/stretching more
And we know KRS has been on his own since he was itty bitty... And then he grew up in a world hell bent on killing everyone. I can't help but think that a tiny child with no one to help him with the general cuts/bruises/little hurts of childhood would 1) have zero frame of reference for what "okay" actually looks like 2) probably has never really received medical care beyond emergency assistance (which does jack for chronic conditions) and 3) has NEVER really had someone in his life long enough for them to catch his way of coping with pain (my very close friends can hear when I'm hurting/tired, everyone else only notices if I am visibly incapacitated)
So, Kim Rok Soo ends up in a world/body that "technically" hasn't experienced his life, HOWEVER fibromyalgia and PTSD are like goddamn pb&j. It's a condition that is deeply tied to a body's stress response. And what does Cale say once he has the Heart? "I feel BETTER"
And that just speaks to me of a person who is so used to pain, that it no longer really registers... I had daily headaches for 7 years, it wasn't until I moved and got a new primary that I found out that more than 4 headaches in a month was considered a concern... I got on some migraine meds and actually stopped having that daily headache, something id just accepted as "how my body works" gone,
I personally don't consider pain at a 1-2 as particularly bothersome, it's more like a general annoyance. Onces it's up to 6-7 it's hard for me to move, and yet I often will still do so, despite the pain. It's only at 9-10 so I stop moving entirely and focus on just weathering it. Usually when that happens, I sleep so much after as my body tries to recover.
And when I read Cale, so casually continuing forward, despite the work he takes on himself, after the constant planning and prepping and ass kicking, all I see is a person who has lived so long with his body's suffering that it's just background noise. Yeah, he coughed up some blood, but the pain is back to "normal" so how can he raise a fuss? He killed 3 monsters with a dislocated shoulder that one time, this? This is easy. And despite claiming his body is weak, he refuses to truly accept the help and rest he needs because (like I used to) Cale thinks "this is just how my body works"
Sometimes, I cannot remember how I lived prior to my pain. Sometimes, I cannot imagine a world where I do not spend half the night attempting to force my muscles to relax, so I can actually sleep. I cannot imagine a world where I am able to do everything I want in a day and not collapse at the end. And I see so much of myself in how Cale continues to move despite the weight of the ancient powers, the expectations of the gods and his own personal hopes. He seems like a character doomed to continue walking, his bones broken but refusing the care because whats the point if everything still hurts the same way in the end?
Anyway, Raon should invent a cure for chronic illness and force Cale into a year long sabbatical
#trash of the count's family#lout of the count’s family#cale henituse#kim rok soo#listen okay#i am at the grocery store cafe sitting trying to recover enough to grab my 5 things and drive home#i am exhausted enough that i think i may end up in bed the minute i walk back inside my house#never have i wanted more to be able to teleport#and thus I began thinking about The Blorbo and realized... shit i am being kinda stupid#and it IS okay for me to just ficking go home and get stuff another day#i dont have to try and cram 15 things into one thing#one thing is plenty#and thus i felt like rambling about said blorbo as encouragement#but very seriously as a chronic illness girlie CH/KRS is One Of Us#i have declared him a spoonie who is in massive denial and i will not be taking any questions#load that boy down with whatever ails you#he probably has it#eventually i will expound on my Han Yoojin's leg is still fucked up but he's hiding it essay#however rn is goal: get fucking home time
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batman: gotham knights #2
why does nobody get him 😭
like. I think it's not out of the realm of possibility to assume anyone talking about jason todd in their writing and getting paid for it would've AT LEAST read aditf. and yet. fucking yet...
#i like devin's writing a lot but this one really irked me lmao#not commenting on the other two because at least they exist in present time as she writes them and thus are allowed the nuance#that can't be afforded to a corpse with no room for action or vindication#which is -by the way- the reason i will always judge people that say they liked jason's character better when he was ''dead and hunting the#because a lot of the time he wasn't haunting shit he was just a dead kid dragged through the mud to prop other characters and coddle bruce#IF they had consistently written him with dignity i could see the point of their argument#but as it is jason coming back at the very least gives him back a voice#not an always well-written voice i admit#but it gives him -as i say- room for nuance#talking to the void#my thoughts#dc thoughts#dc#dc comics#batman: gotham knights#jason todd#favourites: the walking dead
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If Ulysses has a million haters, then I'm one of them. If Ulysses has one hater, then I'm THAT ONE. If Ulysses has no haters, that means I'm dead. If the world is with Ulysses than I’m against the world.
#this is slightly joking but like also not but also like am mixed on Ulysses on many factors#infuriating because i sympathize with his pain but it’s like#he is a well written and fundamentally flawed character whose hypocrisy I found doubly in#black characters I can tell were designed by white people with a semblance of an understanding of activism and bipoc oppression#but not enough for the character to not feel like hand holding for the majority white audience#plus personal grips with the whole twisted hairs thing and reference to slave braiding patterns#Ulysses irks me as a black person on a weird personal level and I can go into debt on why him being black is a big detractor for him to me#like he continues this cycle of distancing himself from his roots before remembering over and over again through his actions#he leave so much in his wake that the courier ends up correcting or helping like in honest hearts and old world blues because he’s self#righteous in a subtle way even to himself that he believes he stand out of his one man rule when he does not play an active hand#saw a post talk about how you choose to continue moving through his story and can leave at any moment and this it is partially your fault#but what of the oath that is set before you and is forced to take that he set up#I do not have to walk it but when I do the steps are not my own but those taken for me#you have to go out of your way to change it which is not something he expects because he’s playing by a story he’s been perpetuating in his#head about you two and the effect one man has when he’s continually been that one man more so than you as many of his actions directly lead#to the one you go through also the irony in the flag he continues to bear being the real reason he has no home#like he reps it when the package is likely enclave and thus use the same symbol#also still can’t get over how anyone could have delivered the package and he tries so hard to act like it was the couriers destiny or fate#when this was the one case of chance and that once man was likely a enclave engineer and how it’s really is never one man#it the process and he’s so annoying about it like he’s a cool character but if you don’t believe in his philosophy or already went through#these ideas cause they are very common talking points in poc especially BIPOC spaces he’s just old hashings and stunted#fallout#fallout new vegas#Ulysses you upset me but I’m like I feel you could be better if you weren’t so incessant#I don’t think I ever want to make a serious post stating this about him just because I’d start yapping and it’d never get finished#ulysses fnv#fnv ulysses#lonesome road
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+ update
#xx#if u dont know them....i dont even kno what to say#dont take this for granted soon ill b employed n thus unable to walk around aimlessly n phitograph cats....#govt should pay me for this tbh
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#and i SADDLE UP MY PONYTA AND I RIDE INTO THE SIT-TAY#I MAKE A LODDA NOISE CUZ THE GURLS THEY R SO PRETAY#RIDIN' UP N DOWN BROADWAY ON MY OLD STUD LEROY AND THE GIRLS SAY:#SAVE A RAPIDASH RIDE A MEOWBOY!!!#JOHN WAYNE AINT GOT NUTHIN ON MY FRINGE GAME HELL NO!!!!#well stranger don't ya know i'd like to be yer friend... IF I HAD THE TIME TO STAAAAAAY.#BUT I'M A BRAMBLIN A BLOWIN IN THE WIND. I'VE GOT TO CATCH ANOTHER STAAAAAAAAGE.#I STRAP ON MY GUITAR JUST LIKE A FORTY FIVE. I PRAY EACH NIGHT MY AIM IS TRUUUUEEEE#and ACQUAINTANCES TURN TO FRIENDS I HOPE THOSE FRIENDS THEY REMEMBER ME#HOLD THE NIGHT FOR RANSOM AS WE KIDNAP THE MEMORIES#NOT SURE THERES A WAY TO EXPRESS WHAT U MEANT TO ME#SOMETIMES I GET TO THINKIN BOUT SETTLIN' DOWN. FADE OFF INTO A MEMORY.#BUT EVERY NIGHT THAT I STEP OUT TO FACE THE CROWD?#I KNOW THIS IS THE LIFE FOR MEEEEEEE#pokemon#meowth#ok context. to whomever it may concern. which is no one but idc i have a lot to say and no one to say it to#first off heres my like bi-annual post bc i 1. only draw f*rdekyl* and fucking detest f*re *emblem fans with a burning passion#so i hate sharing my 'art' . so heres a rare non-fk thing. bc i also hate social media as a whole it makes me sue of side all#but like 2. i have deliberately avoided scar/vio bc its a BAD GAME. and its not made well. also i know 'open world' formats#trigger my ocd. which it did exactly. but thats mostly irrelevant. but in anycase. i bit the bullet bc i was in a pkmn mood#esp after my long beloved n*te and dook*ie gave me a hankering for a pkmn game again#and my lil bro accidentally bought 2 copies years ago so i was like fck it ill give it a shot its Free#and yes the game is dogshit. however. everytime i see a meowth in the wild i lose my mind.#his jaunty little yee-haw walk kills me every time. i adore him. thus this was inspired.#alright imma head out i fucking hate this website as well as every other social media . maybe ill draw something non-fk in like a year#see ya in like a year maybe if i live that long. which i wouldnt count on bc tbh this year has been BAD in terms of my pain. im on the#EXTREME decline and can BARELY draw anymore. i want to die. i got nothin left. it just keeps getting worse so adios!#:(
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Second time seeing Jey live and even closer this time! Felt very blessed and ucey. 🙏💙 WWE SuperShow in Columbus, GA (September 28, 2024) 🎥 My Video
#wrestling#wwe#jey uso#wwe supershow#wwecolumbus#my videos#my personal videos#maybe one day ill even be within mutual hand touching range#special shoutout to the two seats nearest the barricade for showing up late allowing the two women beside me and myself to move closer#thus i was only two other people away when jey walked by 🥹#oddly not jealous? genuinely just grateful i got to be there and so close to the vicinity of his beauty lmao
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ngl i want lxl to double down on the whole “we’re lovers” thing that they have going on in meoto and continue acting as lovers in their future songs. they’ve given their fans enough love, now it’s time for them to love each other on main!!! and hey, maybe they’ll finally be canon—
#i want them to act as lovers in a whole variety of settings though~~~~~~#i’d love to see them pay homage to yujiro’s kabuki background and portray the story of a kabuki play in a song maybe~?#the possibilities are endless with these two bc they’re stupid dense lol#you could ask them to act as lovers and they’ll still walk away from the experience without realising their feelings for each other#though on the topic of songs im sure either white day kiss or last stage (or both) are the most likely songs to get mvs for the next 2 weeks#b u t i really reallyyyyyy want it to be meoto lmao#though ig at this point motto ichigo au lait is more likely to get an mv first than meoto (solely based off the songs’ ages)#i hope we get a new mona mv soon though~~~~~~~~~~~~~#im sorry it’s almost 5 in the am im running on low sleep and residual fumes of rage and thus my thoughts are a messsss#染BODY ONCE TOLD ME—
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just remembered that black sails xxviii exists as an episode of tv. i was no one. and then you came and my island fell and i became something else. whatever it's fine i'm going to wash the dishes
#AND THUS AS ALWAYS TO TRAITORS#max's part in creating silver's myth still makes me Crazy. she walks behind the walls of the house etc. etc.
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i (fool) let my mother cut my bangs after they grew out too much (she was the one who had cut them in the first place). unprecedented tragedy struck (for some reason she has forgotten all previous bang cutting skills and given me a haircut that a medieval monk would consider an admirable dedication to chastity) and i yet in spite of it i must preservere (i have an important work event tomorrow with a famous book author)
#mother....... why hast thou betrayed me thus#now im gonna need to cough up actual money to go to an actual professional asap bc i cant walk around like this#humiliating. and here i was considering splurging on another tattoo
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Chapters: 5/5 Fandom: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak Characters: Julian Bashir, Elim Garak Additional Tags: Marriage of Convenience, Episode: s05e26 A Call to Arms, Episode: s06e01 A Time to Stand, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fuck Form, Pining, Mutual Pining Summary:
The Federation is evacuating Deep Space 9 as the allied Dominion-Cardassian forces approach. Julian comes up with an unusual solution to keep his own Cardassian safe.
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I DID IT! IT’S DONE!
#this chapter brought to you by:#staying up until 2 am last night#the walk i got lost on and thus gave me a good deal of time to plot#and the mantra perfect is the enemy of done
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